#tomorrow i was supposed to start the next chapter of my life that i have worked so fucking hard to make happen

[tastyflowers]

eurgh

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | teaser (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: alcohol consumption, curses

☆word count: 1.1k

☆a/n: teaser time babyyyy!! I hope you guys love it :') thank you to @moonleeai and @jessikahathaway for beta-ing, you guys are the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

The hour is late. Jungkook is tipsy, far more than he thought he’d get tonight, but then again, Taehyung is not in a better state, and Sera, Jimin’s girlfriend, had to force him to go home before they got too drunk.

They’re all supposed to help Taehyung’s little sister move in tomorrow, Jungkook included.

“Man,” Taehyung lets out, and Jungkook looks away from the game of Smash they’re playing - that he’s majestically losing - to focus on Taehyung.

“What?” he lets out.

“Can’t believe Y/n will be here tomorrow,” Taehyung answers.

“Can’t believe you’re forcing me to live with a girl.”

Taehyung chuckles. “Don’t worry, Y/n is chill.”

Jungkook doesn’t doubt she is, considering how well he gets along with Taehyung, and Taehyung’s made it seem that he gets along well with his sister. He imagines Y/n’s just going to be a mini Taehyung, which frankly could be fun to have around.

But he doesn’t know anything about her other than the fact that she is Taehyung’s little sister.

“You know,” Taehyung adds as the game finishes. “I meant to tell you something.”

Jungkook cocks his pierced eyebrow in question. “Yeah?”

“Just wanted to say that if you touch my sister, you’re fucking dead.”

Jungkook bursts out laughing, shaking his head, but Taehyung remains entirely serious. Like he meant what he just said - could he?

“You’re joking right?” Jungkook asks as his laughter fades away.

“No, I’m dead ass,” Taehyung insists. “You breathe in her direction, and you’re dead.”

“Damn.” Jungkook widens his gaze, and then picks up the beer he’s been slowly drinking since Jimin left. “Understood.”

Hell, Jungkook knows that he sleeps around. Taehyung does the same - he can’t help but understand Taehyung when he says to stay away from his sister. And he thinks it’ll be easy. Y/n’s probably just going to be a clueless baby college kid, and though Jungkook doesn’t mind going for younger, he’ll have plenty of new faces to explore once Frosh week starts next week anyways.

So he promises Taehyung he has nothing to worry about, and they play a couple more games before they head to bed.

Jungkook wakes up early the next morning, the sun shining right in his face the most efficient alarm he’s ever used before. He wants to go to the gym before helping Taehyung’s sister, and though he hates being awake so early, he immediately forces himself to get up lest he falls back asleep.

His workout goes well, and he’s pleasantly sore when he heads back home. He’s lucky - he manages to park not too far from the apartment. He’s walking home, gym bag in one hand and his phone in the other, when Taehyung texts him to ask where he is.

Jungkook types ‘Fuck off’, pressing send as his attention is solely on his phone.

Until said phone flies out of his hand as he collides with a girl he didn’t notice, and Jungkook watches in horror as the device falls in a flower bed.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” you say, and you immediately dive into the flower bed, retrieving Jungkook’s phone. 

You hand it to him, and Jungkook just stares at you, mouth agape. He’s aware he’s staring and that he probably looks stupid, but he’s dumbfounded.

You’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and he’s seen a lot.

“Don’t worry about it,” he answers quickly when you cock an eyebrow, your cheeks slowly turning red. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“At least it didn’t break,” you say, and you flash him a quick smile.

It does things to his heart that Jungkook barely comprehends - it’s like his heart is going miles a minute, yet it’s soothing, warm, much like the pavement feels in the summer when the sun has just dipped below the horizon.

“Right, yeah,” Jungkook answers, and his cheeks burn.

His cheeks fucking burn, and he wishes he could just disappear, dive below the ground until you can’t see him anymore. You just keep on smiling, eyes never disconnecting from his, and he wonders if you, too, feel like he does.

Shit, he thinks he might even hear bells in the distance.

You glance away, and it’s like he’s falling forward while not moving at all, and all he can do is pathetically clear his throat, as if that’s going to offer any help.

“I see you’ve met Y/n!” Taehyung yells from behind you, and Jungkook freezes.

Jungkook freezes, and then something burns in his lungs, like he’s under the surface struggling for futile oxygen he knows he won’t find.

You are… Taehyung’s sister.

You’re Y/n.

His best friend’s little sister.

The one thing Jungkook can’t have.

It makes him feel cold, his heart suddenly dropping in the Arctic sea amongst the icebergs. 

“We literally ran into each other,” you say, looking back towards your brother.

And Jungkook sees it - your hair is the same shade as Taehyung’s, your face has the same shape. The smile though - your smile is different from Taehyung’s, and maybe that’s why he was fooled.

Fooled for a few seconds which felt like an eternity.

You walk away then, heading to the open back door of a car. You grab a box, and Jungkook puts his phone in his pocket, eyeing a bag on the backseat.

“Do you want me to bring this in?” he asks.

Only because he wants you to look at him again. His heart flutters in his chest when you do, and he forces it down with a swallow as you nod once.

“Yes, please!”

Jungkook nods too, and he grabs the bag before following you in. His right foot lands on the first step leading to the apartment when Taehyung stops him with a hand on his arm.

Jungkook frowns slightly, meeting his best friend’s gaze.

“I’m serious, JK,” Taehyung says through gritted teeth. “You fucking touch her, you’re dead.”

And Jungkook knows right then and there that he’s fucked. Entirely, thoroughly, immensely fucked.

Because he already wants you, and he hasn’t even talked to you for more than twenty seconds.

“Don’t worry,” he reassures Taehyung, and he hopes Taehyung can’t hear how fake he sounds.

How is he supposed to resist indulging in you when he already knows you’re all he’s ever wanted? 

He really is entirely, thoroughly, immensely fucked.

☆☆☆☆☆

Read chapter one here!

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[carmenized-onions]

Doing Too Much. | House Call

logline; Appliances can reach their breaking point, when you push them too far. Same goes for people.

[!!!] series history, this is the sixth; First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth

[New Thing!!] Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin' added to.

portion; 4.8k

possible allergies; eatin' meat, besides that, we're pretty good actually. did somebody say calm before the storm....?

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (no pronouns, but girl is said a couple times, i believe.)

After this chapter, I'm entering my era of couch hopping as I move to a new city n start a new job. I'm really excited for the chapter after this one, so hopefully I actually get time to write it-- But that's just my lil warning if you're left rereading for like two weeks </3 But I'll def be stalking my activity/inbox so please do yap to me

Monday morning. The next morning after everything. Well, closer to noon than morning, at this point. You’re supposed to have, what, a work ethic this week? After the most insane weekend of your life? No. You’re lazing around and doing fuck all. No matter who calls. Well… Not completely no matter, but like, most people.

When you check your phone, you’ve gotten a text at 6:43 A.M. Unknown number. Ah. Carmen. You put him in as Carmy, and put his nickname as ‘Mister New York’. Listen, old nicknames Mikey ingrained in your brain die hard.

It’s a simple text, deeply un-romantic.

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

Then, four lines of four perfect categories. Flawless. Purple first, even. The hardest category. And then,

‘Morning’

Stupid. Incredibly stupid, to be enamoured, by this. You reply,

‘Good morning!’

‘Connections Puzzle #342’

And then a failed jumble of coloured squares, you get one out of four categories. What the fuck is 'dogleg' and since when has it meant taking a sharp turn? You follow that up with,

‘Fuck you.’

Aside from Carmen, you’ve actually gotten texts from a couple people. Your boss at Eden’s asking if you’re alright. What the fuck did Cicero say? Oh well. You tell him you’ve ‘been better, been worse. Will be okay by next week.’ Perfectly vague, and you still get wired your cheque and tip out. Alright, maybe Uncle J does deserve your free labour.

Speaking of, the next text on your itinerary is from Uncle J, just info for the winter nuptials of Vinnie and Mira. Oh yeah. Three-hundred guests, you remember that part. You also remember him saying it’d be an ‘easy gig’… He did not mention you’d be the only bartender. This is going to be a nightmare. Oh well. You text back that despite it being an open bar you get to put out a tip jar. He just reacts to it, ‘haha’. That sounds like a yes to you.

And then, adorably, a selfie from Syd, wearing the collar and pins you’ve gifted her, under a green sweater. Cutie. You hype her up accordingly.

Besides some texting though, Monday is relatively unbusy. No calls. No emergencies. No businesses knocking down your door for your services. You’re thankful for a break, letting the inertia set in, finally being able to relax after fix after fix after—

Tuesday comes, you get sent another perfect round of New York Time’s Connections around half past six in the morning, along with a good morning text. And again, you fuck it up. You send him your Wordle results this time, as an act of rebellion. You then ask,

‘How’s reworking the menu going?’

‘Hard to say’

‘Ask me tomorrow’

God he’s an awful texter. Horrifically dry. You know you’re down bad beyond a belief when you find that endearing. You spend Tuesday drowning and pruning your plants after depriving them for so long.

Plus working on your art piece for Carmy. You’re pulling out old film photos, a canvas, and a load of bleach—It’s like high school art class all over again— Surprise surprise, the handyman who loves to up-cycle is a mixed media artist. Who could’ve guessed?

While trimming a photo, an exterior of The Beef, a picture frame on your wall falls down behind you, you tut, turning your head to it, chastising the air. “Mikey! It’s a copy, relax! I’ve still got the original print…”

There’s every chance you’re insane— No, you’re definitely insane. But you’re allowed to be, your best friend died, you’re allowed to talk to the air as if he’s still around. Sometimes the timing of doors swinging open for you and things falling down are just too uncanny to not be a ghost.

Wednesday arrives, and again, just after 6:40, Connections results. And the Wordle, this time; plus a ‘Good Morning’. It looks like this is simply just your thing, now. Every morning, the second both of you get up, you send each other puzzles and wish a good morning. You don’t mind that. It’s nice to have a ‘thing’, with someone. With Carmen.

Part way through the day, around two o’clock, you get another text. Two, actually. From Carmen, in quick succession.

‘Are you busy?’

‘Don’t worry if you’re busy. Can call Fak’

You’re quick to reply, frankly deeply offended.

‘Are you fucking firing me????’

‘I’m gonna get ready. Text me details’

While getting dressed, you watch three dots bubble, bubble, bubble… He’s taking forever, just don’t look at it, you’ll get anxious for no reason. No jumpsuit today, you’ve got to switch it up every now and again. Navy cargo pants with the perfect number of pockets and zippers, and an orange Chicago’s Kindest shirt, tucked in. Hm. Looking in the mirror, hickey is still there. Lighter, but there. Foundation? No. You’ll sweat it off and that’ll just bring up more questions. If Syd asks you’ll just tell her you fell down the stairs… On your neck. She's not the type to confront anything remotely sexual anyways.

Speaking of Syd, before Carmen can text you back, she calls you, which is fair— Don’t leave a Carmen to communicate. You stick your phone in the crux of your neck and answer while you pack your utility belt. This feels nearly nostalgic. “What’s fucked?”

Carmen is in the background; you can hear the tail end of a sentence, grumbling. “—Don’t call—”

“My life.” She responds without missing a beat. “And also, Carmy’s stove and oven.”

“Oh.” You squint. “What the fuck happened?”

“Overuse? I actually don’t fucking know, it just stopped working. We plugged it in and out— He even reset his apartment’s breakers. I dunno what’s wrong with it. It’s probably got something to do with him putting his fuckin’ jeans in there.”

“…He what?”

You can hear him in the background, again, clearer this time, grimacing, “What are you doing to me?”

Syd does not mind him at all, continuing, “I know! He’s fucking weird!”

“He’s extremely weird.” You like him a lot. “I’ll be over soon, were you guys like, mid-cooking?”

“Yessir.”

“Christ, alright… I think I have a dual burner hot plate laying around somewhere, you want me to bring it—”

They both speak clearly this time, together, “Please.”

You’ve got a pile of things to give to them anyways, and maybe you miss Carmy’s face. Just a little.

Instead of just buzzing you in, Carmy comes down for you. When he sees you through the door window, carrying a cardboard box, he almost breaks into a full run. He’s somehow opening the door, grabbing the box from your hands, and chastising you all at the same time. “You should’ve left it in the car, I would’ve—”

You step in through the entryway and kiss his cheek, cutting him short. You can’t help yourself, it’s the first time you’ve seen him since and you feel like a giddy teen. The teenage girl in your head is no longer just in your head, she’s fully manning the station. “You’re very sweet. But it’s also not heavy.”

When he continues to be frozen, the regret starts to mount, “Is—Sorry, is that okay to do—?”

“It’s very okay to do.” He manages to reply, with haste. Nodding to himself. “It’s good.” He nods again, then marches off, expecting you to follow to the elevator. You do.

“What floor?”

“Eighth.” He sniffs; you press the button. He stands next to you, looking you up and down. He astutely observes. “Orange.”

“Yeah.” You smirk, looking back at him, “Turns out, businesses can have two colours in their designs.”

What’s a little roasting of fellow small businesses between two not just friends?

“Oh yeah?” Coy, smirking. Oh no. You’ve gotta get the teen off the controls. He tilts his vision to stare at your jacket. Ah. You opted to wear your Carhartt instead of his jean jacket.

“Didn’t wanna give Syd more questions.” She already guessed you’re a sugar baby, you don’t want to wrap Carmen in on that too. Especially since ideally in a month or two he’ll be your boss. Hm. The Bear is going to need an HR.

He hums, nodding. “We’re not telling Syd?”

“What’s there to tell?” You grin, crossing your arms. “You suddenly have free time, Bear?”

He takes a beat, thinking, then just takes a deep frustrated yet amused exhale. “I’m gonna fuckin’…” He can’t think of a threat. “…Get you.”

You snort, “You’re gonna get me?”

“Fuck you—!” “You’re gonna fuckin’ get me, Bear?”

“I—” He tries to hold a straight face, it doesn’t work. “Yeah, I am.”

“Can’t wait.” You nod, grinning, turning back to the doors. “You told me to ask how menu’s going tomorrow.”

“I did.”

“It’s tomorrow.” The door dings, opening on the eighth floor; you step out together. He switches his grip to hold the box in one arm. Alright Biceps, we don’t need to brag here...

“It’s… We’re getting there.” He grimaces. “Syd’s recipes are always… Almost perfect.”

“Ah.” You nod, you know your friend well enough to know where this is going. “And she fucks up one thing hard?”

“Mhm.”

“And when you tell her it’s okay and give her a hand she just feels worse?”

He nods. A touch surprised you’re right on the dot so quickly. “Everything ends up perfect, but I think she’s finding the edits…”

“Demoralizing.” You walk down the hall together, he nods. “I know what she needs, I’ll find an in.”

“You always do.” He hums, you walk just a touch ahead of him, unknowingly walking past his door. He pulls you back by the back of your jacket, making you stumble back into him. This seems to be this villain’s intention; as when you turn around, he’s quick to grab your chin and kiss you.

“It’s very good.” He emphasizes, again, before opening his door and acting like everything’s totally normal and fine. Since when did he turn the tables and make you the desperate one? Son of a bitch.

Ah. Actually, subtract any attraction you had in this moment— He lives like this? Books on the floor, by the window. Jeans on the dinner table, because they were in the oven. The kitchen actually looks alright— You’re almost certain that’s purely for utilitarian purposes while they’re working on the menu. This motherfucker better have a bed frame or him asking you to sleep over would be downright offensive. God, he’s wonderful. God, you’re an idiot.

You find Syd at the table, moping, head in hands. Carmen sets the box down, sitting beside her. You pat the top of her head. She silently moves one of her hands to go over yours. You nod. The silent exchange of girls who know.

“Yeah?”

She nods, grumbling. “Yeah.”

Carmen has no fucking idea what’s happening and he’s never been more intrigued by a near wordless social interaction in his entire life. What? You’re not even making eye-contact. What the fuck is happening?

You fish through the box with your free hand, grabbing a pot. You place it in front of Syd. “Look.”

She peeks through her fingers. A tiny but flourishing nursery pot of basil sits before her. You speak. “You’re gonna hyper-fixate on this basil I’m gifting you, and then you’re gonna crack back into it with the dual burner until I’m done fixing the oven.”

She nods, putting her hands in her lap, “Yes, Chef.”

You pull out a second nursery pot, setting it down for Carmen. “For you.”

“What for?”

“Basil grows like a motherfucker and it’s getting unhinged. I need to start pawning off to people that’ll make good use of it. A-K-A, chefs.” You look at Syd, pointedly, “Talented chefs.”

You hand off the heating pad— Wrapped in brown paper with a card tied to it, to Carmen. “For Nat.” You add, when he looks confused, “Can’t imagine I’ll see her sooner than you will.”

He looks even more confused, when you hand him a spray bottle full of reddish water. It’s one of the good spray bottles, too. Continuous. Carmen wouldn’t know the difference, but you do. “Rosemary. —Water, that is.”

He squints; you clarify, gesturing to your own hair. “You mentioned, losing hair, so— Thought I’d make some, with the trimmings of rosemary I had. Got ginger and cloves in it, too.”

Why have you trapped him in hell? You’ve remembered such a specific off hand from days ago and acted on it? And he can’t express the grandiose level of affection he feels right now? Are you serious? You’re the devil. You’re absolutely the devil. He just coughs out a ‘thanks’.  

“And, the pièce de résistance,” You pull out the old ass, boxed up double burner countertop stove. “A stovetop that ideally fuckin’ works. It was my single claim to fame in my college dormitory.”

Carmen’s already opening the box. Sydney smirks, curiosity peaked. “Was that legal?”

“You a fuckin’ RA?” You grin, poking her forehead. “It was not. And that’s exactly why everyone loved me— Didn’t serve them fuckin’ hot pockets.”

The configurations of Carmen’s apartment would be great for literally any occasion besides the current one. The kitchen is narrow, and so, when you pull out the stove to check the back, there’s an estimated no fucking room left for Carm and Syd, so they sit at the dinner table with your stove top. You’d think they’d look like they’re doing a cute hot pot. No. They look like two conflicted and confused twelve-year-olds working on a science project.

So do you, honestly. Wiring is definitely more your speed than plumbing, but if you’re being honest, this is the first oven you’ve worked on without your dad, and you’re having a hard time remembering everything. There’s a lot of embarrassed Googling on your phone, when you're sure they’re not looking. They can’t know you’re even slightly incompetent!

You’re pretty sure it’s just a couple damaged wires, fried from overwork— Easy fix, if you had wire. You don’t. Slightly harder fix. But soldering is your bitch really, you’re in your bag. You look stupid, wearing chunky goggles and a respirator, but you’re in your bag, baby! What’s that one saying? Skills make you hot? That’s not a saying.

But it is true. When Carmen’s able to peer into the kitchen, quickly looking over his shoulder when Syd takes a moment to write a measurement or direction down, you look stunning.  Respirator and all. You just look correct there, in the kitchen. His kitchen. So stunning he feels guilty. Do you find it annoying? Constantly fixing errors behind him? Probably. You say it’s not a lot of work, but that can’t be true.

“How’s The Bear, ‘sides menu rework?” You ask, raising your voice in the kitchen.

“S’good.” Carmen. “I’m in hell.” Syd. Not hard to tell which statue is lying, here.

Syd stutters on, “Nat’s takin’ care of baby Michaela— Which is very good and—and cool, actually.”

“But?”

“But we’re back to handling the business side entirely ourselves, for like— The next month. Maybe two? Fuck, are we doing the wedding without her?” Sydney almost burns her sauce, Carmen’s quick to move it off the burner.

He mutters, “Don’t even start to think about it. It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna figure it out.”

“Oh yeah, wedding— Have you gotten your menu yet?” You call from the kitchen, muffled by your respirator.

“Oh my god!” Sydney exclaims, and Carmen is wincing. She can’t tell you things are going wrong; doesn’t she know that? You’ll fix it, if things are wrong. You always fix it. Fix him. You’re gonna put him in your phone as Carmy Bad News. If you haven’t already. Start a support group with Tif.

Syd continues, “They’re so fucking particular and somehow also vague—Like, ‘we want salmon and chicken’ for main course— What kind of preparation? ‘Surprise us!’ Okay, how about roasted chicken—? ‘Mmmm, no, not that’. I’ve been told ‘non quello’ at least ten times in the last four days.”

No, you’re witty. Bad News Bear. Fuck, that’s definitely his name in your phone, isn’t it?

“Fuckin’ nightmare. Y’know, I’m the only fucking bartender? For like three hundred guests? Thank God they’re not asking for a custom cocktail or anything, I’d lose my shit.”

Sydney laughs, and she steps back into her flow easily, reducing the sauce without burning it, now. She looks more serene than she has in days. What? How are you doing that? What are you doing? Are you casting a spell?

“Can you even fucking imagine what their couples’ cocktail would be?”

You groan from the kitchen, laughing in return, “Not you too, Syd! Must you make me work!?”

“C’mon maestro, make a cocktail!”

“Bleh. Uh… They give long island iced tea energy, but it’s a wedding so— Like a boozier negroni?”

“That sounds fucking disgusting.”

“I didn’t say it’d be good, I said it’d be their couples’ cocktail.” You’re both giggling, like school girls. It’s like you said— You become teens, together.

Despite the fact that Syd is making an incredibly complex dish, and you’re fixing an oven—His oven— Ridiculing the other impossible tasks set out for the both of you… Despite all of that, you’re laughing.

Carmen is, what, nearly thirty? A restaurant owner, with a full crew, who attends Al-Anon, and is only now truly registering the power of an unsolvable burden being shared. Not fixed, shared. Talking. Laughing. God, this all comes so easy to you, doesn’t it?

You finish soldering, test each burner, and the oven— All working, thank God. You quietly cheer in the kitchen, removing your respirator and goggles. “We’re good here! Fixed!”

“C’mere!” Syd calls out to you, and so you do. Eagerly. She hands you a fork. Unprompted, she does the thing. You’d missed the OG, really.

“Beef Oxtail, pressed in a Foie Gras casing, seared. Basted in a King Oyster mushroom sauce. Pureed greens on the side.”

“I never know what the fuck you’re saying.”

She pushes the side of your face with the palm of her hand. “Put it in your mouth and chew.”

You want to make some sort of kink joke, but you respect the already struggling man in the room and take a bite. Hm. Hm. You put a finger over your mouth, swallowing. “...Now it might just be my unrefined palate.”

“That’s why we have you try it.” Carmen pipes in. Syd nods, following. “It’s important to know the baseline.”

“…It’s got like,” You hand the fork to Syd so she can try it, while you think. “A bit of a bitter aftertaste? Which might be the… goal?”

Syd spits it out the second it touches her mouth, she shouts your name, your actual name— A rarity. She’s so terrified that she forgets the Walk-In bit she’s been in on all week. “I just fuckin’ poisoned you— Oh my god?! Are you good? That was— Fuck! You swallowed that?!”

She grabs your face like a concerned mother, also maybe to check if you have superpowers, you’re not sure. All you know is there’s a golden opportunity to make another sex joke and you have to hold back. Life is so unfair.

Carmen takes a quick taste, also spitting it out. “I’ve got it, Chef, don’t sweat.” Immediately looking to the drafted recipe card to see where they went wrong.

Syd almost squeezes your cheeks like a stress ball but thinks better of it, letting go, groaning, beyond frustrated at this point. “You shouldn’t have to fix it— I should fuckin’ have it, at this point.”

Carmen's trying to ignore how much he relates to the sentiment. He's not the focus, right now.

“We make mistakes, Chef—” “Syd.” You snap your fingers, pointing to her, interrupting Carmen. “Can you help me grab something, from my car? It’s kinda big.”

Carmen’s quick to chime in, already going to untie his apron, “I can—”

“No!” You look at him pointedly, trying to communicate through look alone. He kind of gets it? “It’s… Girl stuff.”

Syd squints. “You need me to help you carry a big girl thing?”

“…Are you fuckin’ helping or are you gonna poke holes?”

“What are you actually dragging me out for?”

“Technically I do actually need your help grabbing something, it’s just not a girl thing. And it's also not from my car.”

“Oh?”

You walk out of Carmen’s building with his keys, and gesture out to every apartment buildings treasure trove— The spot everyone throws their furniture when they move out and don’t know what else to do with it.

“Bookshelf!” There is actually one pristine looking bookshelf, a cheap one, definitely just something from IKEA. But it’s better than the fucking floor. “I spotted it on my way in, we’re gonna bring it up for Carm.”

She groans, hating the concept of manual labour, but still walks with you and grabs one end anyways. “Why didn’t you make Carmen carry his own bookshelf?”

“Because you need a fuckin’ pep-talk.” You pick the other end of the bookshelf up. It’s thankfully not that heavy. You walk backwards so you can keep facing Syd.

“…I don’t—” “Yes the fuck you do.”

She kisses her teeth, you frown. “What’s up, Adamu?”

“It’s just fucking annoying— I keep, I keep fucking it up. I keep—Keep—”

“Doing too much.”

She gives you a look, ‘are you serious?’, type look. You continue. “You’re doing too much. You’re not cooking like you.”

“I can cook like Michelin—”

“I never said you couldn’t. Watch your step.” You interrupt, walking over a bump in the sidewalk. “You can do star level shit, Syd. But that’s a grade, not a type.”

She kind of reels, at that. You continue, “You cook great complex dishes, you always have, I’ve tried them. But now, you’re all caught up trying to prove some shit, to Carmen, to—to— Who gives stars? The tires guy?”

She laughs, almost dropping the bookshelf. “Yeah, I’m trying to impress the tires guy.”

“Fuck you.” You snort, stepping up the stairs. “What I’m trying to say is, you should make what you want to eat, not what you think you should eat.”

She nods, you stop on top of the stairs, both taking a second to breathe. “…Thanks.”

You nod back, hands on your knees for a second before standing back up, opening the lobby door. “I’ll always be your cheerleader, Syd.”

“More like coach.”

“Can you let me have one hot girl career, please?”

When you get back up to Carmen’s, he’s already grimacing. You and Syd are split apart by the bookshelf standing between you in the hall. “Fuck is this?”

“It was free and I’ll clean it!” You press your hands together pleading. “C’mon, you can even put your jeans in it!”

“Jeans on a bookshelf?”

You turn to Syd. “Better than the oven.”

“I think he’s doing that to dry them.”

“I think it’s ‘cause he doesn’t own a dresser.”

“It’s both.” Carmen clicks his tongue, single-handedly picking up the bookshelf and carrying inside. Alright, does he need to show off this much? Whatever. It’s definitely not making you feel any type of way at all.

You squint, watching him walk further in his apartment, and then to Syd. You speak at the same time. “He stays doing too much.”

As promised, you wipe down the bookshelf, making sure it’s free of grime and roadside pests. Syd and Carmy work together in the kitchen, with a now functioning oven. You load the shelf up with the books on the floor— Thankfully they’re piled into categories already, so you don’t have to bother him about that.

You’re tempted to clean his living room, but that would probably be rude, right? Don’t want him to take it as you saying he’s a slob. But they are taking a while… Alright, you’ll just throw out trash. You won’t fold blankets or pick up dishes or anything. Just trash! No big! He can’t be mad at you for that.

You pile together the garbage, then sneakily throw it out in the kitchen trash can as fast as you can, before he looks. He’ll think he’s just sleep cleaning, or something. “How’s it goin’ in here?’

Carmen pipes up, eyes focused on the dish as Syd plates it. “Good.” Syd holds the plate in one hand, and silently corrals you with the other to sit at the table. You do. She sets it down the plate before you, handing you a fork and knife.

You look up at her expectantly. She shakes her head. “Eat first, this time.”

She looks serious, so you nod, cutting into the dish. It’s different from the last one. Instead of oxtail, it’s pastry. Or at least, a puff pastry exterior. You’re pretty sure it’s Pillsbury, you remember Carmen buying that, the other day, on your excursion.

Inside it, you believe is the beef oxtail, there’s other things, too. Some sort of sauce, some greens— Oh well, no time to bask in the cross section because Syd looks like she’s about to explode. You take a bite. You nod, chewing.

Syd starts, “Searing the duck caused the bitter taste— So instead of- Of searing the outside, I coated it in the mushroom sauce, the greens— Not pureed, this time, for texture. Your basil, too. There’s a crumble of feta, for a subtle tang. And then wrapped it all together in puff pastry, and baked. It’s sort of like, a varied take on a beef welling—”

“You made a fucking gourmet hot pocket?” You swallow, wheezing. The second you say this, Sydney’s focused face beams, laughing, like she’s just pulled off the most perfect prank of all time.

Carmen was so intrigued and focused on Sydney’s explanation, that you watering it down to hot pocket and being right makes his entire system reboot. He cannot stop smiling, aghast. He's been helping Syd make a hot pocket for the past hour?

“I told you to make what you want and—” wheeze “—you make a fucking hot pocket?!” You double down, laughing with her, she’s trying to defend herself but she can’t stop wheezing in tandem.

“I— I can’t fuckin’ stand you!” You snort, covering your face with your arm. “I hate your ass, oh my God, Syd.”

“Did—” snort “What did you think?” She recovers, slowly but surely.

You shake your head, handing her the fork. “It’s sick, Syd, obviously, it’s fucking perfect… Chef.” You tack on at the end, almost forgetting. “I’m not gonna be able to have an actual hot pocket, ever again. You’ve ruined my life.”

She takes a bite for herself, nodding. She does a small cheer, pumping her fist. “Let’s fucking go.” She points her fork at you— Purely on muscle memory, and you both instantly remember the days of her testing out recipes and you pairing them on first taste. She’d point her fork to you like a microphone. It was a fun game between two nerds.

It’s a reflex response for you, even now. “Barolo. Savory, dry, red. A young one, though. Light body. Could also do an Amarone, if you’re not buried in money.”

She hands the fork off to Carmy to try it, then writes the pairings down, mumbling, amusement still in her voice. “How the fuck do you do that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I think I have some wires crossed.”

“Fire, Chef.” Carmen swallows his bite. “We cannot call it a hot pocket on the menu.”

“Then what’s the point!?”

Leaving Carmen’s place is objectively the most awkward experience— But also the funniest. You offer to wait for Syd and drive her home— You’ll need a second to pack anyways while they make their business plans.

When you do offer, of course, Carmen stutters short, almost asking you again to sleep over or at the very least stay late, but saves it, realizing himself.

Syd accepts the ride offer. You pack up and wait for her to be done. When she is, Carmen offers to carry your things down with you both, in which Syd accuses him of thinking you’re both weaklings— He does not have a defense case for this, he has to let you go. You can tell he wants to kiss you at the door, and you do too. Sadly, you’re equally down bad, but he can’t know that…

You say your goodbyes, Syd helps you load your tools and hotplate in the trunk of your car. Your phone vibrates. Text from Mister New York.

‘Look up I’m on the balcony. 8 floors.’

You look up, sure as shit, he’s out there, cigarette in mouth. Unlit. He waves, you wave back. He texts again, in rapid succession.

‘Thank you’

‘For helping Syd’

‘And the oven and the hot plate and the bookshelf (not necessary)’

‘nbd + I think it’s v necessary’ Does Carmen understand acronyms? You’re risking it, here.

‘and cleaning my trash’ Sonofabitch.

‘ah fuck. I don’t think you’re messy!!! I just wanted to help!!!’

‘I know. You’re you. Be safe.’

Oh goddammit, stupid dry texter, saying something so gah. You jump as Syd taps the roof of your car behind you, getting your attention. Watching from a far distance, Carmen laughs, though you don’t notice it.

“Are we going?”

“Yes! Sorry!” You hurriedly pocket your phone, waving one last time as you get in your car. Syd sits beside you in shotgun, her pot of basil sat safely in her lap. You drive off.

You’re half way down the road, when Syd pipes up again. “So y’all are fucking, correct?”

You almost brake check the guy behind you.

 “How do you fuckin’ do that!?”

the opening is dedicated to my dear friend and i who have sent our wordle results to each other everyday for the past like year and a half.

Things of note, one - people usually skip the shit up top-- I made a spotify playlist! Listen if you like, I'm not your dad.

Two, I know this is a self insert right, i know what I set myself up for-- Do you know the hell i am in as a syd x carmy girl writing scenes with both of them and it NOT being them? What have I done, to myself? The only coping mechanism I have is imagining in this universe Syd is a lesbian. And that is helping.

The hot pocket recipe-- Who fucking knows, if that would taste good? I think it would? In theory? I fucked with a dish from Daniel NYC, to make it into a bit. Would it work? ....Beef wellingtons do, I can't see why this can't???? Idk man.

Rosemary water w cloves and ginger does fucking work btw. I am part of the so stressed out i lost my hair brigade. Also basil does grow like a motherfucker.

We're seein' a little bit of that tenseness that comes with being in an 'almost relationship' both of them feel like they've got something they can fuck up now. Poor birds. They'll be okay. Probably.

I'm really excited for the next chapter, I don't wanna give shit away, but it's gonna be,,,,,, different. I haven't seen anyone try this kinda formatting on tumblr before, and I'm excited to see what you think. Between my moving and how complex the choreography of it is gonna be, it's gonna be a much longer minute between this chapter and the next, I fear. But listen, you already knew your ass was gettin' spoiled with a chapter every two days. Hehe.

As always, please come yap to me in the replies/inbox/dms/reblogs. I love to hear thoughts!! It sustains me, baby!!

Next Part

[seonghwaddict]

EYES DON’T LIE — iii. a worthy competitor.

synopsis. you've always resented jeong yunho, and you were positive that the end of high school would've marked the end of your rivalry and hatred. yet now you find yourself in the same crappy hotel as him. assigned to be right next to each other much like the good old times.

pairing. jeong yunho x fem! reader. genre. mini-series, fluff, slice of life, mature, academic rivals to lovers, non-idol au. chapter warnings. swearing.

word count. 2.1k. rating. pg-13

chapter ii. chapter iii. chapter iv.

yunho’s life post high school was blissful, to say the least.

he went to his dream university and just like you graduated as the top student of that year. not long after that he landed a job at a relatively large tech company and after promotion upon promotion, he became the multi-billion-won company’s CTO. He lived lavishly; a shining example of what he was able to achieve thanks to his determination and unwavering passion.

at least until all of that came crashing down.

because the CEO just had to get involved in activities that became the downfall of the company. unbeknownst to him, the CEO had been part of an underground piracy organisation and sold the private information of millions of users to malicious parties. when the news got to the police, well… it was chaos. law enforcement swarmed the headquarters to detain the CEO as well as anyone that was identified on the list of people involved. a mess that he had no part of.

in hindsight, yunho should be carrying more than the company card and a suitcase when traveling for business trips, during which all this news got out. but how was he supposed to know he’d go from a highly respected worker to jobless in a matter of 24 hours?

and so he found himself in a shitty hotel, paying with the few bills he could find after rummaging around in his bag. the company card declined when he tried booking a different hotel—the fancy one the company had paid for forced him to leave after they found out he was affiliated with that company. for obvious reasons, he had been confused until he checked his phone for the first time that day and found hundreds of notifications flooding the lock screen that depicted picture of him and his best friend.

speaking of his best friend.

as soon as got into his his temporary bedroom—aka the hotel room that smelled so odd he opened the window as wide as he could and stuck his head out to avoid the stench—he called the man he’s known since they were toddlers, ranting about the situation. unsurprisingly, he found the situation immensely funny.

“so you’re poor now?”

“no, mingi, i just don’t have my personal card. i’ll go withdraw money tomorrow morning.” yunho propped his camera up on the small desk opposite the bed, leaning back in the creaking wooden chair as he rubbed at his temples, dreading the oncoming headache he was starting to feel. “but i’m jobless, for now.”

mingi pursed his lips, nose scrunching as he looked at his phone screen, watching how distressed yunho looked. “how can i help you, then?”

a shrug was the first response he got. “just-” the rotating chair squeaked as yunho leaned a bit further to stare up at the ceiling for a moment before reverting his gaze back to his phone. “just talk to me about something else, distract me for now.”

“okay then,” the fake blond’s face brightened and a wide grin spread across his face as he sat up and leaned closer. “so, you know my boss hongjoong, right?”

and so the next ten minutes were filled with him gossiping about how his boss seemed to have the hots for a cute reporter. yunho listened, grateful to get his mind off his current predicament, but barely registered any words being said. he occasionally replied with agreeing hums or other reactions suitable for the context, but he couldn’t help but feel the tell tale signs of his body wanting to rest. mingi seemed to catch on as he paused his story and squinted at his phone screen, catching the way his best friend’s eyes drooped with fatigue.

“hello? earth to yunho?”

he stirred awake, snorting in a breath before yawning. he checked the time on his very expensive watch briefly before his eyes flickered back up to mingi.

“you look tired, man,” worry was written all over his face, sure he could already see dark circles forming under yunho’s eyes. “get some rest.”

“yeah… yeah, that’s a good idea.” yunho spoke through his yawn, hand covering his open mouth.

they said their goodbyes and ended the call. yunho sat in silence for a moment. he turned the chair, inspecting the bed. it was sad, small and pretty empty. wishing he was back home on his soft king sized bed, he poked the mattress, frowning at the firmness before pulling back and looking at the pillows. well, pillow. singular. while the mattress felt to stiff, the pillow the opposite. he got up to check the little closet for another pillow that he could stack on top to add some firmness, but to no avail.

after a moment of hesitation, he decided to ask the guy at the lobby if he could possibly have an extra pillow. before head for the door, he stopped in the bathroom, checking his teeth and brushing his hand through his dark hair, a little overgrown and resembling a mullet. he fixed the tie of his suit that he had yet to take off and left the bathroom, his hand wrapping around the door handle of the room and pulling it open.

as he stepped out, his temporary neighbour seemed to have just arrived. turning to greet the stranger, he stopped in his tracks just as she had.

what a perfect end to his day. the cherry on top, really.

truthfully, he hadn’t given you much thought after your high school graduation. (he actually did. a friend of his went to the same university as you and he’d occasionally ask him if he knew how you were doing). but seeing you now, he realised you hadn’t changed much. of course, you seemed to have a grown a tiny bit and you looked more mature, but those eyes—those soft eyes, so pretty, red and puffy through your tears—were undeniably yours. he recognised you before he recognised the state you were in, a sobbing mess. in all the years he had known you, he doesn’t recall ever seeing you cry. seeing you like this, with flushed and tear stained cheeks, made his head spin for a moment.

before he could open his mouth to say anything, you were gone. he watched the door of your room fall shut, followed by a thud from inside the room. what it may have been—a kick to the wall, a punch, an item thrown across the room—he wouldn’t have been able to tell as he stared at the door dumbly. he wasn’t sure how long he stood there, but what else was he supposed to do when he ran into you of all people in this obscure hotel and somehow ended up next to each other?

watching you disappear through that door reminded him too much of the last time he saw you.

though it had been a warm summer, it rained on the last day of school. having checked the weather, he brought an umbrella with him. but as he watched you stand front of the entrance of the school, alone and looking out into the rain without a jacket, let alone an umbrella, with a conflicted frown and nothing to protect you from the rain but the roof, he found himself caring about you. before he realised it, he stood in front of you, holding out his black umbrella and consequently getting a little wet.

you couldn’t help but stare at him, your gaze switching between his unusually sincere face and hand extending the red handle of the umbrella. you shook your head, insisting that you won’t take it, but he cut you off.

“come on, it’s just an umbrella, i have no problem walking home in the rain.”

“no, please, yunho, it’s your umbrella, i’ll figure something out. you’ll get sick.”

after some more back and forth, he offered a compromise. you could walk home together.

and that’s exactly what the two of you did. you walked side by side, squeezed together under the umbrella, droplets of rain occasionally hitting your right shoulder or his left shoulder. despite the weather, it was oddly peaceful. a steady conversation flowed between the two of you, free of any teasing or insults. you weren’t quite sure why he was being so nice, but you supposed it was the last you’d see each other before heading separate ways.

unfortunately, the two of you thought at the time, you lived in the same apartment building. while you lived on the third floor, he was up on the fifth. he decided it only made sense to walk you to your place first. unlike your walk outside, the short journey from the elevator to your front door was dead silent. even when you got to the front door, neither of you spoke for a moment until he cleared his throat, his voice almost… emotional?

“i guess this is it, huh?”

“yeah… i guess… have fun finding a better, funnier, smarter rival in college.”

“nah, i don’t think i’ll even bother.”

“hm? really? i thought you’re all about that competition.”

“yeah, but you’re the only person worth competing with.”

he’d never forget the way your eyes widened comically as you looked at him after that, a blush so faint it was easy to miss in this horrible lighting. maybe all the people saying you’d make a good couple were on to something. still, he knew you’d never see each other again, there was no point in trying anything. his cell phone rang, interrupting the tense silence. it was his mother, telling him to hurry and get home.

“i… uh, i have to go… but i’ll see you around, someday?”

you smiled, a smile so genuine his stomach did a cartwheel.

“i’ll see you around, someday.”

you stared at each other for a moment, stood across from each other in the hallway. he wasn’t sure what to do. should he hug you? should he just turn and leave? you seemed just as conflicted. after a long minute, you both extended your hands for a handshake at the same time. a small laugh was shared as your hands intertwined in a slow handshake, holding onto each other a few moments too long. his thumb rubbed over the back of your hand gently. he gave it a small squeeze before letting go and bowing his head, winking playfully.

“good luck out there, y/n.”

“likewise, yunho.”

and with the you disappeared through the front door, much like you had moments ago. though at that time you didn’t look so heartbroken. eventually he got himself to put one foot in front of the other and head to the lobby for his original mission.

he thanked the lobby man quietly as he was handed two more pillows, his mind still occupied with you. you’d think that whatever he felt for you on that last day would’ve dissipated by now, but that was quite the opposite. despite it having been so many years, seeing you again felt like a punch to his throat.

on his way back to his room, he thought about knocking on your door for a split second. in the end, he concluded you probably wouldn’t want to talk to him. he wasn’t sure what he would’ve said anyway. hey, it’s really nice seeing you again, by the way did i mention that i’ve realised i had a massive crush on you that time we said goodbye and those feelings haven’t gone away?

no, absolutely fucking not.

he nearly slapped himself at the hypothetical monologue, dragging himself to his hotel room. a soft thump resounded as he tossed the pillows on his bed before undressing and getting under the thin covers. the time it took for him to fall asleep was unclear as he stared up at the ceiling. whoever rented the room above him seemed to want to make a joke in the ground, thundering stomps making the ceiling and his open window shake.

had he not stepped out at that time to get pillow and bumped into you, he would’ve probably been cursing and swearing to himself to get out of this place first thing in the morning. but, considering who his current neighbour was, he couldn’t help but think…

would one or two more days really be so bad?

[ lilo's notes . . . ] hii sorry it took so long to update this, i hope this makes up for it 💔💔 we finally get a little gimped into yunho’s feelings!! yippee!! i’m sorry he comes off as a little stuck up near the beginning, but please understand he went from a luxurious suite to a hotel on the brink of falling apart; i think most people would be a little disappointed 🙏🙏 he’s not a bad guy i promise

[ networks . . . ] @cromernet @wonderlandnet

[ taglist | series + permanent . . . ] @yuyusuyu @diorwoo @loveyluv7 @ad0rechuu @h-nji @nakiiko @lelaleleb @moon-gyus @baribaaari @bvidzsoo @kunikku @kyeos4ng @sankatchu @mlink64 @yeosangsbbg @seonghwasbbgirl @likexaxdaydream @dreamingofyeo

[mistypsych]

ANATOMY OF A CRIMINAL - CHAPTER 1

/ yoongi / suga / agust d /

summary: as a doctor you never expected to be dragged into “the criminal life”, nothing and no one seems to be true anymore, your whole world turns upside down after you save him.

pairings: yoongi mob boss x f.reader x non idol bts members.

warnings: smut, guns, knives, stabbings, blood, gore, murders, drugs, criminals, gang life, medical emergency, illness, abuse, swearing, angst, dubcon, gang violence, corruption, manipulation, lies, cheating - 18+ minors dni.

Note: Hi! This is an attempt of writing a fanfic long after writing anything at all. Please also keep in mind English is no longer my first language and it might be a bit rusty and odd at times but I try my best. The story is a non idol BTS fanfic with Suga being the main character. The first chapter or so there might not be a lot of Yoongi but I want the backstory to be clear. The next chapters there will be way more of him I promise! If you want to be on the tag list let me know!

You slowly stepped into the on-call room, sighing while rubbing your aching nape. The painful muscle tension was starting to turn into a headache. You sat down on the big couch and leaned your head back, instantly feeling your body loosen and sink into the soft cushions. Today was a rough day for the ER unit. The hospital was dealing with multiple trauma victims due to a horrendous bus collision. Some patients were barely banged up others unfortunately were looking like they might not make it threw the night. You were already dreading the moment you would have to talk with their family members in case the worse was to come.

The weight of the hour-less intense work and surgeries was starting to rub off on your whole body. As you were almost about to doze off, the doors slammed wide open. “What a fucking trip…” Jungkook stopped mid sentence when he saw you glare at him from under your hooded eyelids. “How many energy drinks did your pour into yourself Kook?” you said in a bit agitated tone. You were tired and running on fumes. He seemed way less strained.

The on-call room was called so for a reason. It was supposed to be a safe heaven for peace and rest. It seemed as tho people like your long time friend let those facts slip their mind. “Sorry Y/N. I did not think you were about to sleep… You looked on fire there!” scoffing a bit under your breath you mumbled “Sometimes I really doubt your capability to think at all… and yes I was lit because I had to at the moment plus I had tons of adrenaline pumping in my system. Now it’s all wearing off”. Running his tattooed hand threw the thick and shiny locks of hair he sighed in defeat. He knew your were right. At times he was way to energetic and high maintenance.

“Still good for tomorrow?” he changed the subject not wanting to get into a war of back and forth bantering. Nodding your head you hummed in agreement.

Both of you usually made plans on your days off to go out and give medical attention to those who were less fortunate. You took care of the homeless, drug addicts and poor elders that were embarrassed to seek help at the official medical institutions. Many times it was also the lack of insurance that could get very high. The two of you saw it as charity and giving back to society.

You met Jungkook at med school in the USA. He was a scholarship student that worked his way into getting the opportunity to study overseas. You were the only person at your year that was able to speak Korean due to the fact you went to Seoul during part of your high school years. So of course you were more than happy to help Kook who at times struggled with the more difficult English terms during the lectures.

Over the years you two grew close and he was the one to say you should once again go to Seoul and take up your internship there. Being an adventurous young woman the mere thought of it seemed a great idea. So here you were years later already after your internship with a secured position as one of the junior trauma surgeons and planning charity work with your friend. You already scheduled some “appointments” with your long term patients.

To be honest you preferred this type of work more than the big shot tasks at the hospital. For you medicine should focus more on helping people. The world showed you many times that if you were less fortunate or simply made some bigger mistakes in life, the cruel reality was that usually there was no way to afford medical attention and insurance. Sometimes it was also the cost of meds themselves. Those could be unbelievably high, especially when it came to rare or terminal illnesses.

You and Kookie worked with official charities that did their best to find funds for some crucial medication for the poor. Not once did you also end up saving lives of some addicts that overdosed. Usually people just let them lay on the streets and did not care to help. You could not blame them tho. The less nice areas of the city were also full of con artists and people simply did not want to risk their own lives. At times it was also the mentality of “they did it to themselves, now they need to bear the consequences”.

You were not there to judge. How could any of you know what these people went threw in life? What pushed them to “self medicate”. So you kept focused solemnly on helping those who seemed like they needed it.

You closed your eyes again trying to ignore the fact that Jungkook was rustling around with some food wrapping. “If I am to survive the last two hours of this hell shift and be of any use tomorrow I would greatly appreciate you stop making a ruckus and let me rest!” you huffed angrily, not even bothering to open your eyes. Once the room was filled with silence, a content smirk spread over your lips. At last the well deserved quiet. Sweet darkness of dreamland slowly took over your mind.

*** *** ***

Getting to your apartment after ending a difficult day at the hospital always filled you with relief. It was close to 8 p.m. Not having to work the night shift this time and having the day off tomorrow made you really happy. As you walked deeper into the hallway your nostrils got hit with a mouthwatering smell of delicious food cooking, it instantly made a smile spread on your lips. The sizzling sound coming from the kitchen meant that your fiancé was already off work as well.

He was one of the best criminal detectives in the city. You both worked hard and sometimes very long hours, but you somehow managed to keep your relationship flourishing threw all the years. Walking towards the sweet and sour smell, you saw his slim frame hovering over some pans and stirring their content. His wide slim shoulders moving under a simple black t-shirt. They matched so well with his thin waist shaping his figure into a perfect triangle.

Resting against the door frame you stared at him in awe. “Are you gonna keep looking or do you plan on saying hello?” he said in a joking tone and turned to you with a big grin that reached to his eyes. You always wondered how he could keep such a sunshine attitude while working a job full of murders, death and gore.

Pushing your back off the frame you walked to him humming and wrapping your arms around him. You rested your chin on his shoulder, breathing in his fresh scent. “Hoba… you are too good to me…” you murmured and kissed him behind the ear. The fact that after a surely long day of work for him, he was there making you both a nice late dinner made your heart squeeze.

You really appreciated having him in you life and that somehow you both were deeply involved despite having hectic and difficult careers. The saying - where there is will there is a way - always made you think of your relationship with Hoseok.

After finishing dinner and basically licking your plate clean, you turned to Hobi with a smile “I’ll take care of the dishes” you said taking the plates from the table and making your way to the kitchen. As you were about to dry off the last glass you felt slender fingers creep up your back. You turned your face a bit a small smirk twisting the side of your lips.

“I was thinking of desert…” Hoseok said in a deep voice staring straight into your eyes. “Oh yea? You want me to run down to the store and grab something?” you teased, being well aware that was not what he had in mind. The twinkling of your eyes giving away how much you were enjoying this. But your fiancé was not the type to put up with games for too long so his only response was rolling his eyes, grabbing you and lifting you up. Wrapping your legs around his waist you kissed him desperately.

Lately both of you were so busy with work, you barely had the time or strength for even watching a movie together, so you excitedly welcomed the attention he was giving you. Not bothering to make it to the bedroom you ended on his lap on the couch. Your kisses were getting wild and messy. Just as you started to grind against his growing member, your breaths getting fast and uneven, you heard the loud ring of your phone.

If it were any other signal you would chose to ignore it completely, but the ring tone suggested is was Jungkook from his “special” number in case of an emergency. “Foooor fucks sake!” you growled trying to wait out the call, still kissing and moving your hips over your fiancé. If it was just a couple rings you could try and tell yourself your friend was piss ass drunk messing around.

Much to your dismay the phone kept on buzzing “I need to take this…” you said sadly looking at Hobi who was trying to even out his excited heartbeat. “It’s ok babe” he said, he knew he could not be angry about it, usually it was him being called into some crime scene. You walked away to answer the call “You better be almost dead or something close to that to have a reason for calling me at this hour!” you hissed into the speaker.

“Y/N! This is serious. A guy needs help… he can’t get into the hospital and the wounds are beyond my expertise. I am downstairs waiting for you. I really need your fucking help. I will explain everything later” his voice was shaky and full of what seemed like fear, so you stopped your ranting right away.

You quickly ran to grab your coat “I am coming down!” closing the door on your way out you told Hoseok you might have a very late night and maybe he should not wait up for you. Taking quick strides down the stairs of your apartment building you once again were thanking the universe for the most understanding man to have chosen to exist in your life.

*** *** ***

You quickly got into Kooks car throwing your medical bag onto the back seat. “I brought all my suturing stuff in case it was really that bad…” you said under your breath still a bit irked at the fact you were driving somewhere instead of getting frisky with your lover. “You will need it. Trust me…” is all your friend said.

Turing to finally look at him you saw he was pale, his hair was messy and his forehead was beaded with sweat. He was clutching the stirring wheel to the point his knuckles were white. You never saw him so nervous, not even at the hospitals ER unit.

Driving in silence for some time you finally snapped out of your trail of thoughts and realized you made it into the shady outskirts of Seoul. Even when working on your charity missions you both never made it into the really dangerous corners of the city, so you were very surprised and felt a shiver run threw your body.

You let your questioning gaze fall to Kookie, you were about to blurt out a “what the fuck man?” but before you could, he was out of the car grabbing your bag and walking to your side. Seeing your face full of questions, he opened the car door for you looking at you seriously “It’s fine… we are fine… we need to go there” he pointed towards a dark building that looked like a hangar.

Your body involuntarily shook at the sight. You immediately thought of all the crime scenes and stories Hobi shared with you from time to time when you asked him about work. But instead of listening to your panicking mind, you decided that surely Jungkook had to know what was going on and since he said it was fine it had to be, right?

You cautiously walked behind him letting him carry your bag. Usually you would always rip it out just to show what a strong and independent woman you were. Once you walked into the building you could hear the soles of your shoes clank on the hard floor. It all started to feel like some thriller movie, the type with a bad ending. The beating of your heart was so loud you could swear Kook had to hear it. The adrenalin was rushing in your system and you were starting to feel in flight mode.

Before you could panic more, an unknown voice broke you out of the cycle “Fucking bout’ time!” a tall and strong built guy growled at your friend and then eyed you top to bottom. “This is that great surgeon? She is supposed to be better than you?” he scoffed, a look of disbelief forming on his face. “For your information I am fucking better at surgical work than most!” you snapped. You were freaked out and now some dude that looked like a typical thug was trying to insult you.

“You better not be just running your mouth hun” he smirked grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you to the next room. He basically shoved you inside and tossed your bag at you. You didn’t even know when he managed to take it from Kook. The sight in front of you was gruesome. A young male about your age was laying on some banged up table. Blood was oozing out of his stomach. His pitch black long hair was sticky, his skin pale as a sheet of paper.

“Bloody hell…” you whispered walking up to the man. You turned to look at your colleague giving him the “what do you expect me to do?! make a fucking miracle happen?!” stare. You bent over the man and checked for a pulse. To your surprise he was still alive.

Looking at his slashed abdomen you thought to yourself there is now way you can do anything in these conditions. Even if by some chance you were to manage to stitch him up, the place was far from sterile, so he would die of sepsis anyway. “He needs a fucking hospital!” you say and take your phone out to call up an ambulance.

Suddenly your cell got knocked out of your hands and fell to the floor with a loud thud. Just as your were about to scream your head off, you saw it, the end of a gun pointing straight at your forehead. “No hospitals” the tall male snarled. Now you were sure, you got into some gang business and this was not gonna go the way you want.

tag list: @wobblewobble822

[lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me]

⋆୨♡୧⋆bitchless era ending soon⋆୨♡୧⋆

walking into the meeting room y/n couldn’t help but internally scream. what the hell was he doing here? why didn’t her manager tell her about this? especially since she was just in practice and didn’t have time to dress up and hopefully look not a hot mess. her mouth dropped open in shock, resisting the urge to yell “what the fuck” in front of everyone. after a moment of awkward silence her manager spoke up. “y/n meet riki, riki meet y/n. you guys will be working together from now on. we set up this time for you to meet and talk and get to know each other.” she gestured to riki’s manager, “we’ll be going so you two can talk freely. have fun!” the two left and left riki and y/n alone. while y/n was having her internal panic, little did she know, so was he. the moment he saw her he knew he was fucked. after heeseung gave him no help, he had no idea what to say to her. “soo…” he said “your debut was really good!”. y/n didn’t know what to do. her celebrity crush of 3 years, just complimented her music. all that she could muster was “uh- thanks you too”. thanks you too???? why the hell would she say that? he laughs slightly, not being able to help but think about how cute she was. “um are you excited to start mcing?” she asks, nervousness clear in her voice. he smiled, “yeah i am, what about you?” she tried her absolute hardest to not say something stupid again and said “yeah! just a little nervous though. i’ve never done anything like this before.” riki saw his opportunity, he knew he had to take it. even though he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. “we should hang out sometime. i’ve done it a couple times before, i could give you some tips to make it easier!” no. fucking. way. too many thoughts were running through y/ns head. did nishimura riki really just ask her to hang out? there’s no way this is real. never did she think that this would happen “uhhhh- yeah! yeah sure that would be fun!” whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck “okay nice! how about tomorrow?” whatshappeningwhatshappeningwhatshappening “yeah sure. that sounds perfect” holy. shit. cha y/n is hanging out with nishimura riki. “okay, ill see you then” riki had never been more nervous in his whole life. he couldn’t wait to shove this in all of his members faces. “im sure you have to get back to practice, right?” there was no shock as to why he knew that, she looked like a sweaty mess. “yeah, actually. i do. so i’ll see you then!” she overthought her every word, and move. how could she not when she’s around him. to her, he was perfect. “see you around!” riki left the room and practically ran back to his dorm. that couldn’t have gone better. y/n however, was freaking the ever living hell out. “did nishimura riki just ask me out? no that’s not possible we just met eachother! it’s friendly! that’s all!” after what felt like hours of contemplating she decided to go back to the dorm, tweet about it, and tell taesan and jaehyun. i mean, how was she supposed to go back to practice after something like this?

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luckys note!: i’m sorry this took so long guys!! schools getting crazy since it’s almost the end of the year. but i hope you enjoyed the first written chapter! this is my first time like, actually writing so i hope it turned out good!

© lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission.

(📌) PERM TAGLIST IS OPEN!

(🩷) MIDNIGHT FICTION TAGLIST! @nctislifue @akuspic @pkjay @siya-bean @eun-chaez @wavetosunoo @gweoriz @luminouskalopsia @soobiary @ivyannemarie @rikikiynikilcykiki @emma2black @enh4ht @wooziswife @jjunie-0 @yumilovesloona @wth121 @riksaes @isaxshin @allforhee @rikisgeef @chxrlvspp @sunghoonsarmpit @autumn583 @tzuyusluv

(dm me/comment under the midnight fiction masterlist to be added!)

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 14- Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Summary: You and Javi celebrate your first Christmas together in Laredo

Word Count: 11.3K (could be worse?)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't be a fool, wrap your tool), oral (f receiving), face sitting (awh hell yes), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink, mentions of food/eating, mentions of grief/death (but it's sweet), children being assholes (I'm a teacher, I'm allowed to say it), our favorite idiots Carter and Miller making a brief appearance (I missed them), Javi being so sweet with kids (this does deserve a warning, I'm sorry) Javi being so kind, patient, thoughtful, amazing UGH he is too good for this earth 🥹😩

A/N: Thank you for your patience as I finally get this chapter done! Life has been absolutely crazy these past two weeks, so I'm hoping now that things have settled down, I can get back to working on chapters at a more regular schedule 🥴 If you're a Christmas girlie (gender neutral) like me, this chapter is for you, because even though it's only October, I really can't help myself (and like these two idiots celebrating Christmas together for the first time?! C'mon 🥺)

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

“So you’re leaving early today to do arts and crafts? That’s a new one.” Agent Miller snickered, leaning over his desk to slap his partner, Agent Carter, in amusement as they watched their boss begin to organize his desk and pack up his briefcase, already rolling his eyes in annoyance at the grief he was about to get from his co-workers for his early departure. 

“I’m not the one doing the arts and crafts. I’m just going into her class to help, you idiot.” Javi sighed, glaring at Miller as he finished sorting the rest of his paperwork piles. 

Last week, you had asked Javi if he would be able to come into your classroom one afternoon when he wasn't busy, to help with the project you were planning for your students to give to their parents as a Christmas gift before they left for winter break. You had quickly realized that for the sake of your sanity,  what you had planned was nowhere near a one man job, and because it was a surprise gift for their families, you didn’t want to ask any parents to come into help. Javi had happily accepted, even with your adamant warnings of the case of Christmas Crazies your class had with only days left before winter break. 

“…. To help do arts and crafts. Just callin’ a spade a spade here, Peña. Does that mean we’re gonna start having craft time here, too?” Miller and Carter chuckled to themselves, smirking at Javi, now slinging his briefcase over his shoulder, making his way out of his office. 

“Listen, Miller. Give Peña all the shit you want, but I would way rather be cutting and gluing shit and throwing fist fulls of glitter in the air than working on these fucking reports.” Carter huffed, waving the file folder Miller was supposed to be working on in his face before throwing it back down on his desk. 

“Fair enough.” 

“I wouldn’t trust you dumbasses with scissors and glue if my life depended on it.” Javi groaned, raising an eyebrow at the pair before picking up one of the finished reports off of Carter’s desk, using it to point at the two on his way out. “These better be done by the time I get back tomorrow.” 

“But I’m gonna need extra time to decorate them for you, Peña!” Miller grinned, he and Carter playfully swatting at each other in hysterics, Javi flipping them off as he headed out the door. 

After his mom passed, Javi would have never thought Alma Pierce Elementary School would be a place that would hold any more relevance to him, let alone be a place that he would frequent, now that his future wife worked there. He couldn’t help but smile as he pulled into the parking lot, thinking about the joy it would have brought Lucia to see that her years of having Javi help her with her own classroom were still going to good use with you. He also couldn’t help but smile to himself as he grabbed the coffee sitting in his cup holder he had picked up for you on the way over from the station, also knowing his mom would have had some choice words to say to him if he showed up empty handed to your classroom.  

After checking in with the office, he made the now familiar route down to your classroom, weaving through the tiny bodies patterning down the hallway, screeching and squealing with what had to be uncontrollable Christmas excitement. He gently tapped at your door before opening it, a grin growing across your face as you looked up from your desk as you saw your fiancé with an extra large cup of coffee in his hands at the doorway. 

“Oh my god, you brought me coffee? I owe you my life, you are the best. Thank you.” The sigh you let out felt like the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders as you shot up to run over to Javi, giving him a big hug before snatching the cup out of his hands and taking a long swig of the caffeine you knew you were going to need to get you through the afternoon. 

“I figured you could probably use it.” Javi chuckled, pressing a kiss into the top of your head before looking around, noticing that you were the only one in your room. “Where are the kids?” 

“They’re at lunch, I was just about to leave to go pick them up. They’ve been absolute psychopaths today. I know it’s wrong to say I wanna drop kick a child out a window, but I’m real close.” You grumbled, taking another long sip of your coffee. “I don’t think I would have made it out alive today if you didn’t come in to help, so I apologize in advance for their behavior. I may or may not have told them that because you work for the police you keep track of what kids are well behaved or not to try and scare them a little.” You grimaced, knowing that the comment you had made earlier to your kids when you told them Javi was coming into help wasn’t the most ethical, but you were desperate for anything that would even remotely help control the chaos in your classroom with only 2 days left before winter break. 

“Any kids in particular I need to be on the lookout for?” Javi asked, laughing to himself as you leaned over to set your coffee on your desk before heading towards the door to go pick up your class from the cafeteria. 

“Oh… you’ll know them when you see them.” 

You closed the door behind you, giving Javi a quick wink, leaving him alone in your classroom to wait for the arrival of the promised circus show that was your students. He wandered over to your desk, peeking through the piles of papers, sticky notes of to-do’s and drawings your students had given you. On the wall by your calendars, there was a photo of you and your family, 2 of you and Javi, and a note that he had written you one day and stuck in your lunch box, scribbled down in his rushed handwriting 

Te amo mucho, hermosa. Have a great day.  

-J 

He thumbed gently at the wrinkled note, smiling to himself, still in awe of how the pieces of him seemed to follow you in everywhere you went. The sweet moment was quickly interrupted by the sounds of little voices bursting through the doorway, chattering away as they rushed to go sit on the carpet at the front of the room. 

“Who’s that guy?!” A boy’s voice asked, pointing in Javi’s direction before balling up his body and doing a literal somersault across the carpet. 

“It’s Mr. Peña! Do you not remember when our teacher told us before lunch that he was coming, dummy?” A girl’s voice responded, rolling her eyes at the boy, now laying face down on the floor. As more and more kids came over to the carpet, the more and more voices began to chime in. 

“Don’t call him a dummy, Angela, that’s mean!”

“Well he is!” 

“Why does that guy have a mustache?” 

“My uncle has a mustache!” 

“When are we going home?” 

“Miguel tried to kick me in the nuts at recess!” 

“I did not!” 

You buried your hands in your face, letting out a deep sigh, shaking your head before looking back at Javi, quietly mouthing “I’m so sorry.” across the room before making your way to the front of the class. 

“If you can hear me, clap once.” 

3 or 4 half hearted claps followed over the chatter. 

“If you can hear me, clap twice.” 

More students began to join in, curious to see that Javi was now also following your directions. 

“If you can hear me, put your hands on your head and turn off your voice.” 

Finally, the volume of your room began to ease, all of your students, and Javi, quietly looking at you with their hands resting on top of their heads. 

“Okay, 3rd graders. Right now, we are going to work on our holiday presents for our grownups we’ve been talking about all week. Remember how I told you this morning that we have someone special coming in to help today?” The class nodded, eyes glued on Javi. “This is Mr. Peña. Can you guys say hi?” 

“Hi, Mr. Peña!” The class waved at him, Javi now smiling and waving back at them. 

“Mr. Peña is taking time out of his day to come help us with our project, so we need to show him what a respectful, responsible and safe class we are, okay? If we can follow directions and everyone gets their project done, then we will have time for extra recess at the end of the day.” Javi snickered at the silent grins and high-fives on the carpet in hopes of bonus time outside. “Once you glue your picture on your plate to make your snowglobe, you can come see me to put the snowflakes inside, and then take it over to Mr. Peña and he’s going to hot glue it for you.” 

A tiny hand quickly shot up, waving it back and forth. “No, Miguel. You cannot use the hot glue gun. It’s a grownup's only job.” You tried your best not to roll your eyes as Miguel frowned and put his hand back in his lap, knowing damn well he would be one to try and hot glue his hands together. “Do we have any questions before we start?” Almost all of your class’s hands shot up immediately, all beaming at Javi, frantically wiggling their arms in the air. You laughed to yourself, knowing that none of them had any questions about the project, and just wanted to talk to Javi. “Are these all just questions for Mr. Peña?” The class nodded, now squirming in their spots. “Okay, we can do 3 questions right now, and maybe if we have time at the end we can ask him some more questions. Is that okay, Mr. Peña?” 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.” Javi smiled, trying his best to keep from smirking at you and your teacher voice that seemed to be having a much stronger effect on him than he had intended.  

“Okay, Mr. Peña is going to pick 3 people who are sitting on their bottom and are waiting quietly and patiently for a turn.” You couldn’t help but smirk back at him as he stepped next to you on the front of the carpet, nervously running his thumb over his knuckles to prepare for his interrogation from 8 and 9 year olds. He pointed over to a girl at the back of the group, nodding to her to ask whatever was on her mind. 

“So you’re marrying our teacher? Do you love her? Have you ever kissed her before?” The entire class erupted with giggles as Javi’s face went red with embarrassment. 

“Uh,  yeah. I love her a lot and that’s why we’re getting married.” Javi leaned over to whisper in your ear as the kids continued to snicker. “Am I allowed to answer the last part?” 

“We’re not gonna talk about kissing at school, okay, Maya?” You laughed, giving Javi a little nudge as he pointed to the next student, picking a boy this time, in hopes that he wouldn’t have intense questions about his love life. 

“Our teacher said that you work at the police station. Have you ever arrested anyone? Do you catch bad guys?” One of the boys asked, the rest of the class leaning in with intrigue. Javi rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, trying to maneuver another hard hitting question. 

“Well I uh, I help train the guys who catch the bad guys, I don’t actually go out and catch them.” 

“SO YOU DON’T THROW PEOPLE IN JAIL?!” Miguel shouted out, barely letting Javi answer his question. 

“I’m gonna throw you in jail, Miguel…” you muttered under your breath, hiding your face behind Javi’s shoulder, the both of you trying to contain your laughter. 

“No, I don’t. Uh okay, last one.” He pointed to another girl who had been patiently waiting with her hand raised the entire time Javi had been sharing. 

“One time, my grandpa punched my dad in the face, and they kept punching and punching and so then my mom called the police, and then he had to go to jail and my Grandpa kept yelling you motherfu-.” 

“OKAY, on that note we’re gonna start with our projects, everything is already on your desks. Come see me for snowflakes and Mr. Peña for gluing both pieces together.” Your eyes widened in horror, jumping in to try and cut her off before she could finish the rest of her thought. It had thankfully seemed like the rest of the class had been oblivious, racing back to their desks to work on their projects. You pinched the bridge of your nose before rubbing your fingers against your temples, trying not to wither away from the embarrassment your class had decided to subject you to with their questions for Javi. 

“... I am so sorry.” You sighed, shaking your head as you looked over at Javi, trying his best to keep from laughing at the antics your class was already up to before they had even started working on their project. 

“Is this what it’s like every day?” Javi’s eyes widened as he looked out at the classroom, already overwhelmed by the noise and bodies moving everywhere. 

“It’s normally not this bad, I swear I’m a good teacher. With it being 2 days before break, as long as everyone makes it home alive, I’m calling it a win. Thank you again for coming to help, Jav. You okay to man the hot glue station?” 

“Of course, Osita.” He smiled, giving your hand a little squeeze. 

“Miguel will legitimately try to glue his hands together, so just be… extra careful when he comes around.”  

You couldn’t have been more thankful that Javi had agreed to help you with your project, because passing out confetti snowflakes alone was enough to make you lose your mind, let alone try and glue things together, too. Through the chaos, you and Javi found yourself exchanging quick glances, quietly laughing to yourself at the craziness. You couldn’t help but stare a little longer as you watched Javi your students, patiently helping each of them, listening to them share about who they were planning on giving their handmade gift to, complementing them on their work,  and carefully monitoring to make sure no one (especially Miguel) got too close to the hot glue gun. You’d be lying if  you said it ever got old watching how goddamn sweet he was with any kid he talked to, making your heartbeat a little faster at the thought of how much sweeter he’d be when it was one of your own. 

By some miracle, everyone had finished with their gift before it was time for gym, glady sending them on their way to go burn off some excessive energy to help you through the last few hours of the day. Javi’s mom had clearly trained him well, coming back to find him helping to clean up the leftover mess from your crafts after dropping your class off. 

“You don’t have to help clean up, Jav. You’ve already done more than enough.” You sighed, sitting yourself on top of the desk Javi was next to, reaching out to grab his hand. 

“Osita. If this is what you do every fucking day all day long, the least I can help you do is clean up. Jesus Christ, this was fucking exhausting.” 

“Well, I really threw you into the worst of it, so I apologize. Thank you again for helping. The kids really liked you. They kept asking the whole way to gym when you were going to come back. I told them when they stopped acting like a pack of wild monkeys, maybe you’ll consider.” You and Javi laughed, Javi gently resting his hand on your knee, thumb circling against your jeans. 

“I’ll come back any time, Hermosa. Getting to watch my hot, future wife kick ass at her job is way better than having to harp on Carter and Miller to run the reports I ask them to every goddamn day. I’m more than happy to stay if you need more help, but I figured since I took the rest of the afternoon off, and I have a genuine appreciation for a fraction of how fucking hard your job is, I would go home and make whatever you want for dinner and finish up shit around the apartment so we can spend tonight doing whatever you want.” You smiled up at Javi, reaching your hand under his chin, pulling it closer to you to plant a quick kiss on his lips. 

“Someone’s really trying to make sure they make their place on the Nice List before Christmas.” You smirked, raising an eyebrow at Javi, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“You deserve it all, Osita. It’s seriously the least I can do. Although, the things I wanna do to you later are definitely gonna end me up on the Naughty List.” He gripped his hand around the meat of your thigh, giving it a long squeeze as he placed a tender kiss on your lips, trying to use every ounce of self control to remember he was still at your work, let alone an elementary school where an 8 year old could come busting through the door at any moment. 

“You’re such a fucking dork. You’re lucky I love you so much.” You rolled your eyes, playfully swatting at him. “Thank you, Jav. You really are the best. Can we do breakfast for dinner?” 

“I had a feeling that was what you were gonna ask for.” 

“Breakfast is the superior food at all hours of the day, and no one can convince me otherwise.” 

“Pancakes or waffles?” 

“Surprise me.” 

You pecked a quick kiss onto Javi’s cheek before sliding off the desk, wrapping your arms around him, giving him a hug, pressing your face into the fabric of his dress shirt, savoring the familiarity of his sweet and spicy cologne that had become the scent that smelled like home. “Alright, as much as I don’t want you to leave, I probably should be a good teacher and print the rest of the things I need and salvage a survival plan for the next two days before the gremlins get back.” 

“I’ll see you at home, Hermosa. Love you” 

“Love you too.” 

With one last squeeze, and a wave as he headed out the door, Javi left you in your empty classroom, looking out at the disaster left in your student’s wake. Christmas couldn’t come fast enough. 

Anything that you had planned for the afternoon had quickly gone out the window after your class had returned from gym, your plans for an extra long recess turning into an even longer recess, and part of a movie before sending the kids on their way home. Some way or another, you were able to drag yourself home, the promise of breakfast food keeping you afloat the entirety of your drive home. 

As you walked down the hallway of your apartment, you could hear the quick pops and sizzles of the bacon Javi was cooking over the muffled Christmas music in the background. Turning your key in the lock on the doorknob, you pushed the door open, immediately dropping your school bag and kicking off your shoes, practically falling to the floor from exhaustion. Before you could even turn around to greet Javi, you felt his arms reaching under your legs and around your shoulders, making you squeal as he scooped you up, carrying you across the entry way towards the living room. 

“Hi?” You laughed, looking up at Javi in confusion as to why you had barely made it 2 feet into your apartment before he was picking you up and carrying you away. 

“Hi.” He smiled down at you, giving you a little shake in his grip. 

“Can I ask why you’re carrying me? Am I not allowed to walk anymore?” You guestrued down at the ground, watching your legs dangle with each step Javi took. 

“Because you work harder than anyone I know, and after today, if I’m fucking tired, you must be fucking exhausted, and my amazing, beautiful future wife deserves to relax.”

 He paused, tilting his head down to give you a kiss before turning his body the opposite direction. You had been so focused on Javi as he carried you from the doorway, you hadn’t even realized what was set up in the living room until he had shifted his position, facing you towards it. You looked over to see a blanket fort built between the ends of the couch, TV paused and ready to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life”, and the Christmas tree the two of you had decorated together lit up and twinkling, casting warm shadows on the walls. “Pajamas are in there, so change, lay down and I’m bringing you breakfast while we watch the movie.” 

You could feel the tears welling in your eyes as you looked out at the living room and back up at Javi. “Javi, you didn’t have to-” 

“I know, I didn’t have to do anything. I wanted to. I know how much you love Christmas and how we haven’t done much to celebrate since you’ve been busy with work, so I wanted to do something for you.” A grin grew across Javi’s face, watching your jaw hang open in shock as he set you down, letting you go over to examine his blanket creation. You stood there, shaking your head in disbelief, wondering to yourself how the hell you had gotten so lucky that someone cared enough about you to make you dinner after a long day, let alone plan something special for you, even if it was just in your living room. Before you could even respond, Javi was heading back to the kitchen to turn off the beeping timer of the oven, gesturing over to the fort. “I’ll be in there in a second.” 

“Javi, you set this all up for me, at least let me help with dinner or-” 

“Osita. Go put on pajamas and lay down. I swear to God, you’re the only person I’ve ever met that needs more convincing to go sit and relax than get up and do things.” He laughed, pointing at the covered couch, demanding you to get in. You held your hands up in defense before kneeling down to peek under the blankets Javi had draped over the top to see your comforter, all the pillows and blankets you owned, and your favorite sweatshirt and sweatpants of Javi’s folded neatly on top of everything. You quickly stood back up, unzipping and shuffling out of your jeans, trading them out for the sweatpants before stripping yourself of your shirt and bra, peeking around the corner to see Javi biting down on his bottom lip, eyes glued to you as you slipped his sweatshirt over your head. 

“I should have known better than to think you would have put out clothes for me to change into for any other reason than your own selfish gain, Javier Peña.” You jabbed, Javi shrugging as he grabbed two plates of the breakfast that he had finished cooking, bringing them back over to you. 

“Me? Wanting to watch you change on purpose, knowing damn well you were gonna take your bra off before you put my sweatshirt on? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Osita.” He smirked, a devilish grin growing across his face as he ducked into the fort, giving you a quick wink. 

“You? Wanting to see my boobs? Yeah, you’re right, how silly of me.” You groaned, voice oozing with sarcasm as you followed him, snuggling yourself under a blanket as Javi handed a plate over to you. “In all seriousness, this is really sweet of you, Javi. Thank you. Didn’t picture you as a big blanket fort kind of guy.” You giggled, giving him a little nudge. 

“I would make them all the time when I was little. Especially with my mom. I’d play with Hot Wheels in there, or my mom would read with me- I don’t know, maybe it’s from being with you at school today, and thinking about her, but I got home and thought you’d like it. You seem like someone who made their fair share of blanket forts as a kid.” Javi’s face beamed with a soft smile, the dimples of his cheeks creasing as he grinned over at you. 

“That’s really sweet. She sounds like she was the best mom. That’s a lot sweeter than my memories of building forts. My brothers and I had a pretty much permanent one set up in the basement made from old hockey sticks, but it was referred to in our house as Pound Town. We would go in and beat the shit out of each other with pillows until it collapsed on us and we’d have to pause, try to build it again, and beat the shit out of each other with pillows as we argued about if we were building it right or not. My parents let it slide because we weren’t annoying them, until one day when Patrick and I got in a huge fight about which couch cushions to use and he took one of the hockey sticks and hit me in the face and gave me a black eye. Pound Town was no more after that.” You grimaced, taking a bite of one of the  chocolate chip pancakes Javi had put on your plate. 

“I’m pretty sure at this point, you could tell me that you and your brothers robbed a bank and I wouldn’t be surprised.” 

“We were always well behaved during December, though. My parents definitely played into the threat of being on the naughty list as soon as Thanksgiving was over. At least they got a few weeks of peace each year. I honestly think that my parents were just as excited for Christmas movies as we were, because it at least gave them an hour and a half of semi-silence.” You laughed, nodding your head towards the TV. 

“I’m gonna be honest, Osita. I don’t blame them.” You sighed, leaning your head against Javi’s chest, feeling it rise and fall with each small huff of laughter. “We don’t have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” either, I just know you said you liked it and we didn’t get to watch it yet.” 

“No, this is a perfect pick. It’s one of my favorites. You wanna start it?” Reaching over for the remote, you smiled at Javi as he nodded, pressing play as the title credits began rolling across the screen. Javi had quickly come to learn that if you liked a movie, not only were you willing to watch it a million times, you knew just about every line, like you were putting on a one man production of whatever it was you were watching. Although you always quoted everything to yourself under your breath, something about it made Javi’s heart melt, spending more time looking over at you, whispering the lines of the movie to yourself, rather than watching whatever was on the screen. In between bites of breakfast, Javi watched your cheeks turn rosy as you watched a little George and Mary on the screen, eating ice cream at the drugstore, Mary leaning down to whisper in George’s ear. Javi had only seen the movie a handful of times, knowing it nowhere near as well as you, but well enough to know the line you mouthed to yourself wasn’t quite right. 

“Javier Peña, I’ll love you ‘till the day I die.” 

The two of you munched away at the rest of your breakfast dinner, Javi taking both of your empty plates back to the kitchen before nestling back under the blankets, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you laid your head against his chest. Now watching George and Mary throw stones through the windows of the old, abandoned house, making wishes of what they hoped their lives to be, you snuggled closer to Javi, draping your arm over his waist, twisting the ends of his t-shirt between your fingers. 

“I can’t believe they’re actually gonna start building the house in a few weeks.” You looked up at Javi, beaming with excitement. After Javi’s proposal, both to be his wife and to build the two of you your dream home, you both had been working to draft up and finalize plans for construction to physically start happening. All of the design process had been smooth sailing so far, you and Javi easily agreeing on things you wanted for the house- layouts, designs, sizing- the only thing that was stopping you from moving forward with progress was deciding how many bedrooms the house was going to have. 

“Not too late to tell Danny we need to add another bedroom.” Javi teased, gently squeezing your arm. 

“I think 5 bedrooms is plenty, Mr. Ambitious. If we have more than 4 kids, we might as well add enough rooms to house a baseball team.” 

“I’ll give you a football team’s worth of kids, if you want it.” 

“I know you would, but you’re not the one who has to push a football team’s worth of kids out of you.” You laughed, playfully swatting at Javi before he wrapped his arm around the small of your back, flipping you so that your chest was caged with his, bodies laying pressed against each other. 

“I’m happy with 1 kid or 10. Whatever you want, Osita, I’ll give it to you.” Javi smiled softly, brushing a stray piece of hair from your face before cupping your jaw in his palm, thumb delicately circling across your skin. 

“What if I want you?” You whispered, stretching your head up to nibble at his chin, planting kisses along his face and neck, each one more desperate and hungry than the last. 

“You have me, Hermosa. Forever.” He reached down, grabbing your left hand, carefully twisting the gold and diamond band around your finger in his. It wasn’t long before his hand had left yours, beginning to roam down your shoulders and back before slipping under the waistband of your sweatpants, grabbing handfuls of your ass as you pressed the weight of your hips further into his, feeling his bulge starting to grow underneath you. Working his hands back up around your hips, he pushed your sweatpants and underwear down your legs, slightly raising your lower half to help Javi strip them off your body, leaving your lower half exposed. Javi’s grip tightened around your thighs, suddenly locking his arms around them, scooting you closer to him, now sitting on his chest. 

“Javi, what are you-” You protested, taking a second to realize what Javi was prompting you to do. 

“Wanna take care of you, sweet girl.” He rasped, continuing to pull you closer towards him, now sitting on him near his collarbone, as he cut you off. 

“Are you sure, Jav?” You asked, biting down on your lip, looking down at Javi, lust pooling in the dark brown of his gaze, a devilish smirk stretching across his lips. “I’m always worried I’m gonna suffocate you when we do this.”

“I’m still alive, aren’t I? Baby, if I die between your thighs from you sitting on my face, I’ll die a fucking happy man. Please?” 

“Okay, okay.” You nodded, letting out a little, breathy laugh as Javi tugged you one last time, your already dripping heat hovering over his face. You began to slowly lower yourself down, Javi’s fingertips gripping the flesh of your hips, forcing you to shift your weight onto him, making you moan as you felt his strong nose brush against your clit. You could feel the width of his tongue dragging along your cunt, slowly and deliberately working himself along your sensitive bundle of nerves. His face nestled between your legs, he took his time with each lick, taking extra time to press harder on the spots he knew made you weak, loving how wrecked he could tell you already were as you rolled your hips over his face. You could practically feel his smirk buried in your pussy as the movements of his tongue became more precise, flicking at your clit making you whimper as you braced yourself on the edge of the couch, grasping at the cushions. 

“Javi… Fuck, oh my god.” You whined, feeling the tension begin to build in your belly as Javi wrapped his plush lips around your mound, sucking feverishly as you rocked your hips back and forth, grinding down harder, the hairs of his mustache brushing against your thighs. You could feel him hum in approval against your cunt as your back began to arch, a familiar tingle growing at the base of your spine as his mouth latched firmer around your clit, desperate to make you come undone. 

“Fuck, baby- oh shit- Javi, don’t stop, fuck, fuck, I’m so close. Fuck, I’m- mhhhmmmmmm.” Your orgasm crashed through you, pleasure overtaking your body as you came, whimpering and moaning Javi’s name as he dug his fingers deeper into your flesh, holding you against him as he continued to work you through your high.  Your body went slack, draping your upper half over the edge of the couch as you felt Javi scoot out from under you, looking down to see his face glistening in your slick, accompanied by a boyish grin as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he gazed back up at you. 

“Goddamn, Hermosa. Fucking soaked me. That feel good, pretty girl? You want more?” You nodded frantically at him, still at a loss for words as your chest heaved with each shaky breath. Gently grabbing your waist, he shifted you down so your back laid buried in the comforters and head rested against a pile of pillows, planting soft kisses down your body as he quickly pushed his sweatpants and boxers down his legs, freeing his painfully hard cock, its tip already dripping with precum, staining the fabric of the pants and underwear it had been straining against. He reached down, stroking his dick as he lined himself up with your entrance, running his tip through your folds, already soaked with your slick from your last orgasm, before slowly pressing inside you, letting you savor every inch of his length buried deep inside you. His hips flushed against yours as he bottomed out, his fullness stretching you open with the sweet sting that had become one of your favorite feelings in the world. “Always so wet for me, Osita. Fuck, I can’t believe this perfect fucking pussy is mine forever. You’re mine forever.” He mewled, slowly pulling himself back before pressing deep inside you again, each stroke making you feel even fuller than the last. 

“Forever.” You whispered back, your voice trembling as his cock pushed further into your cunt, practically hearing the lewd noises of wetness between the both of you as he thrusted in and out. Sitting back on his heels, Javi hooked his arms under your legs, pressing them to your chest, gently rubbing circles against your already throbbing clit before sinking back into you, the stretch of the new angle and added sensation of his fingers making you whine as your arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingernails digging into your back. “Fuck, Javi. You feel so big, fuck, it feels so good.” 

“Fuck me.” Javi hissed, the rhythm of his hips hitting yours beginning to become more rapid and desperate as he watched you writhe under him. “You’re fucking perfect, Osita. Gonna be a perfect wife, a perfect mom, fuck- I can’t wait to marry you, live in our house- oh shit- Fill it with our kids. Fuck, te lo daré todo (I’ll give you everything).” 

Everything was making your mind go blank- his words, his fingers rubbing against your clit, his cock pounding into you, over and over in the spot that had you seeing stars. The coil in your belly began to build as Javi buried his face in the nape of your neck, nipping and sucking at your pulse point, his words hot and heavy on your skin. You could feel your cunt beginning to clench tighter around his length, your heart beating fast as your orgasm began to build with each push and pull out of your heat. “I know you’re close, baby. Give it to me, Hermosa. Cum all over my cock. Gonna fuck myself so deep inside you, shit, can’t wait until I can fuck a baby into you, wish I could make myself stick, fucking get you pregnant right now.” 

Just like that, something inside you snapped, your body tensing as you felt yourself squeeze around Javi’s dick, soaking him as your orgasm ripped through you. A string of expletives and his name fell from your mouth, your brain short circuiting from the overwhelming intensity, sobbing into his shoulder as you came. It wasn’t long until Javi was close behind you, rapidly chasing his own high as he pounded into your heat, dripping with your slick. “That’s it, baby. Such a good girl. Fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer. Meirda- so wet and tight for me. Oh fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum too, holy- ahhhhhhh.” Javi gritted his teeth as he thrusted one last time, spilling deep in your walls, making sure to milk himself of every last drop as he slumped on top of you, your chests rising and falling in unison as you tried to catch your breath. 

“Jesus Christ…” You laughed to yourself under your breath, reaching up to run your hand through Javi’s curls, dark and damp as they stuck to his forehead. “Javi, if you keep saying shit like that when we fuck, I am gonna end up pregnant before we get married.” 

“And that would be a bad thing because…” Javi smirked, pressing a tender kiss against your lips, feeling his grin on your mouth. 

“Javi!” You giggled, rolling your eyes and playfully swatting at his bare chest as he hovered over you, gently twisting his fingers through the messy ends of your hair. “We have talked about this! Once we’re married and the house is all the way finished, then I’ll toss my birth control in the trash. But until then, you’re really making it work unpaid overtime, you menace. I hate to break it to you, but keeping your dick inside me isn’t gonna do anything for you right now.”

“Like you don’t like it.” He chuckled, the both of you letting out a little hiss at the loss of Javi being buried inside you, feeling the mixture of your spend drip down your thighs as he laid back down next to you, wrapping his arm around your back, pulling you closer as you rested your head on his chest, hiking your leg up over his hip. “I’m just saying, Osita, Christmas is only a few days away, you could just throw it away early and-” 

“JAVI!” You scolded him, giggling as he raised an eyebrow at you, giving a little shrug. “You will get plenty of other presents. That one’s gonna have to wait, as much as I don’t want to either. The house should be done right around the same time as the wedding anyways, so you won’t even have to wait that long.” 

The two of you had very easily decided that you didn’t want a big wedding by any means, bringing Chucho endless amounts of joy when you had asked him if you could have your celebration at the Peña ranch. The thought was the first thing that came to both you and Javi’s minds- something small and simple, really only wanting your close friends and family to join you on your big day in a place that held such importance to the both of you. While you and Javi had agreed that you would have married each other tomorrow, you had compromised with the middle of June, giving you a few weeks after the school year had finished to let you have some time to prep or plan anything else that needed to happen, without the end of the year school stressors on top of it.

 After working with Javi’s cousin, Danny, (who finally received your finalized floor plans a few days ago after finally compromising on your bedroom count), he was able to guess that given that the winter was normally less busy for him and his crew, he would also hopefully have the house done by mid to late June, planning to have the majority of the work completed after you came back from your Honeymoon,  you and Javi offering to finish up any last touches that he wouldn’t be able to get to after you returned. 

While the both of you had agreed that you would wait until you were married before your birth control prescription was canceled, never to be seen again, you managed to talk some sense into Javi, telling him the house needed to be finished before you started trying, God forbidding that something went wrong, leaving you who knows how pregnant in an unfinished house. Regardless, it hadn’t stopped Javi from the moment that ring went on your finger to play into just how badly he was ready to give you the family you deserved, making it very hard for the both of you to stick to your plan. 

“I know, I know.” He sighed contently, picking your arm up, draping it over his chest so he could play with the ring on your finger, delicately thumbing at the stone and gold band. “Knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with you is the only fucking Christmas present I’ll ever need for the rest of my life.” 

“You’re really trying to make your way back onto the Nice List, huh?” You giggled, biting down on your lip as you reached up to grab Javi’s face, giving it a little shake. “You’re all I’ll ever need, too, Javi.” A cheeky smirk spread across your face as you looked up at Javi, pressing a hot kiss against the skin of his neck before you spoke. “I gotta shower and clean this mess up, you wanna come with me and hang out on the Naughty List just a little bit longer?” 

“I’d take coal in my stocking any fucking day for you.” 

Someway or another, you managed to make it through the last two days of school, bribing your class with more play time, recess, and movies than you’d like to admit. You and Javi were planning to spend the second half of your break with your family in Chicago, giving you two a few days to celebrate your first Christmas in Laredo together, now that you were on break. You had agreed to spend Christmas Eve celebrating with Chucho, the 3 of you gathering at the Peña ranch in the afternoon, offering to help Javi’s dad with chores around the farm since he had graciously given everyone else the day off to spend with their families. It took no convincing on your end to go out and help Javi feed the animals, one of your favorite chores on the farm, especially when it came to the cows. 

“I can’t believe how big they are.” You cooed, scratching one of the not so baby cows you had met for the first time a few months ago along its nose, giggling as it gave you a little lick. 

“They don’t stay little and cute for very long.” Javi chuckled, throwing the last bale of hay over the fence into one of the troughs, wiping his hands along his plaid shirt before resting his arm around your waist, standing next to you as you continued scratching and petting the rest of the cows that had gathered looking for attention. 

“Excuse you? They are still incredibly cute! Apologize to these sweet babies!” You gasped dramatically, holding your hand over your chest as you swatted at Javi. 

“Hermosa, they’re cows. They’re loud and annoying once they’re full grown, and last time I checked, I don’t think they can understand what I’m saying.” He laughed as you looked back at him with fake disgust, taking a step back, crossing your arms over your chest. Before you could argue back, one of the cows let out a long, loud mooooo, pointed in Javi’s direction, turning to look back at the cow before looking back at Javi. 

“I think that’s cow for fuck you, I am cute.” You smirked, giving Javi a little shrug as you nodded back at the cow. 

“Whatever, you dork.” Javi sighed, rolling his eyes at you as the two of you grabbed the rest of the feed buckets, heading back to the truck. 

The two of you finished your rounds and  you and Javi made your way back to the house to find Chucho humming away in the kitchen, chopping and dicing up vegetables to throw into his simmering pot of broth for the Pozole he had promised Javi for their Christmas Eve meal. 

“Chucho, do you think that cows are cute?” You questioned, kicking off your shoes at the door, Javi following behind, shaking his head. Chucho chuckled to himself, wiping his hands along his worn apron before picking up his wooden spoon to stir his stew. 

“Why are you asking?” He asked, looking over at you as you made your way into the kitchen, popping a leftover piece of pepper into your mouth, talking between chews. 

“Because your son doesn’t think they are, and had the audacity to tell the cows to their face they were, in fact, not cute.” You glared over at Javi, trying to hold back your laughter as you pretend to be stern. 

“They’re cute when they’re little but once you have to deal with them every day, full grown, they’re a pain in the ass.” Javi sighed, following behind you, sneaking between you and his dad to take down some bowls out of the cabinet, setting them on the table. 

“That is because Javier never pays attention when he walks through the pasture, and always ends up with a boot full of cow shit. I think they are cute, Mija. Not as cute as some other animals, or as cute as human babies…” He paused, raising an eyebrow at the two of you, smirking. “But yes, still cute.” 

“Told you so. You can’t blame the cows for your shit shoes, that’s on you, Jav.” You giggled, hitting him in the chest before grabbing spoons and napkins to set down next to the bowls Javi had placed. “Do you need help with anything else, Chucho? It smells delicious, I’m glad your cow bashing son requested it tonight.” 

“Cabrón (asshole).” Javi groaned. “Mamá would always make pozole and tamales for everyone on Christmas eve. She would put all of the cousins to work kneading the dough and assembling the tamales. She would hold the piñata hostage until we helped her finish, which I can’t blame her for. Her tamales were delicious, but I always think about having her pozole and eating a shit load of candy before crashing on the couch trying to stay up, waiting for Santa when I think about Christmas.” 

“Before Lucia died, every year we would host our whole family here for Christmas eve. Dios Mio, there must have been 30 crammed in here each year, singing and dancing, making more tamales than anyone could count. No matter how hard he tried, Javier would always be the first to fall asleep on the couch, and we would have to carry him to bed. I think he would get so excited he would wear himself out.” Chucho smiled, turning off the stove, bringing the pot of the pozole to the kitchen table, the two of you pulling out a chair to take a seat. 

“She sounds like she was such a fun lady. I wish I could have met her. And eaten her tamales, because I bet that they were amazing.” You beamed, looking over at Chucho and Javi, Javi now settling into the seat next to you, draping his arm over the back of your chair as Chucho stayed standing, letting out a content sigh as he placed a hand on his hip. 

“Well Mija, I was planning on giving your Christmas gift to you later, but now that you bring it up, now seems as good a time as any.” Chucho smirked, waddling his way over to the living room, as you and Javi glanced at each other in confusion, waiting for his return. A few moments later, Chucho was back, carrying a small, red package with a white ribbon wrapped around it, outstretching it towards you. 

“Chucho, you didn’t have to get me anything, I-” You protested, not accepting the gift until Chucho was sliding it across the table, placing it right in front of you. 

“It is a gift for both of you. I know that Lucia would have been so thrilled to know how happy you have made our Javier. How happy you have made both of our lives. She would have loved you so dearly, hija, and would have wanted you to have these as you and Javier start your own family.” Tears welled behind Chucho’s eyes as you carefully took the package in your hands, resting it between you and Javi as the both of you gently ripping away the wrapping paper and bow to reveal what was inside Chucho’s gift. You held a small, leather bound book between you two, Chucho gesturing to have you open it to see what was inside. As you flipped back the cover, you revealed the first page, a picture of a young Lucia in the very same kitchen the 3 of you found yourself in, smiling at the camera as she stirred a pot of something on the stove, apron tied around her waist. Below the photo were bold, shaky cursive letters, reading “Lucia’s Recipes.” 

“Pops…” Javi whispered in shock, delicately touching the page, gazing up at his dad.  

“Your mamá would have wanted you to have all of them. She always told me that she couldn’t wait for the day she could have a daughter to share all of her cooking secrets with. She would have been even more excited to share them with you Mija, knowing the wonderful woman that you are.” 

Carefully turning the page, you could feel your lip quiver as you looked at Chucho, feeling how watery your eyes were now becoming. “Chucho, this is- I don’t- thank you, Chucho. This is so special. I’m honored you want them to share them, I- I know how important these are to your family.” 

“You are family, hija.” Handing the book off to Javi, you pushed up out of your chair, making your way over to Chucho to wrap him in a tight hug, Chucho quickly reciprocating, squeezing you back.   

“Thank you, Chucho.” You whispered into his shoulder, trying your best to keep from sobbing as Javi pushed out of his chair, joining the both of you in a group hug, holding the two people he loved most in the world in his broad grasp. 

“Thanks, Pops.” 

“Los amo a los dos (I love you both).” Chucho sniffed, pulling away to wipe away the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Now, let’s eat this pozole, I can hear Lucia yelling at me for letting it start to go cold.” 

The 3 of you spent the rest of your night full of pozole, Javi finishing off at least 3 bowls as you talked at the kitchen table, sharing stories of your favorite holiday traditions and memories. Chucho broke out at least 4 different photo albums to share photos of Christmases past, filled with lots of ones of an adorable Javi and his bright, toothy grin as he opened up presents. Chucho was thrilled with the present you and Javi had gotten for him- a new work jacket for out on the ranch, Javi noting that he probably was still wearing the same jacket he did when Javi was first born. 

You and Javi had insisted that you let Chucho help you clean up around the kitchen after making you dinner, practically having to force him to sit down in his chair to relax while the two of you got to work collecting and cleaning dishes in the sink. You got to work washing as Javi dried, taking time to turn on the radio in the kitchen, raising the volume as he tuned in to the local station that had been playing nothing but Christmas music for the past week. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”  began playing from the speakers, immediately beginning to sing along, swaying your hips, scrubbing the last of the pots and pans. Javi snuck up behind you, snaking his hands around your waist, placing a soft kiss on your shoulder as his chest pressed against your back. 

“Dance with me.” He whispered, placing his hands on your hips to spin you around, making you giggle as your sponge splashed in the sink, playfully drying your wet hands against his flannel before interlacing one of your hands with his, the other one resting on his shoulder as he wrapped his free hand around the small of your back. The two of you gently swayed in the dim light of the kitchen, the soft sounds of Frank Sinatra’s voice humming in the background. 

Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore. Faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us once more. 

As the sweet and syrupy melody of the song played on, Javi held up his hand, prompting you to spin under his outstretched arm before pulling you back in, resting his hand on your back, the other holding your face as he dipped you down, his lips curled in a tender grin against yours as he leaned in to kiss you. 

Through the years, we all will be together, if the fates allow. Hang a shining star upon the highest bough. And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

“I love you, Osita.” 

“I love you more, you dork.” 

You rested your head on his chest, smiling into the worn fabric of his button up, soaking up the sweet simplicity of the moment- how right then and there, it felt like there was no one in the world but the two of you, slow dancing in Chucho’s kitchen, arms wrapped tight around the man you loved. It felt like holding everything you’d ever need. Everything you’d ever want.  It felt like holding your home. 

 If there was one thing you were not, it was patient, especially when it came to waiting. You never had been, and at this point in your life, you were very much convinced you never would be. Ever since you could remember, you were always the first one up in your house on Christmas, frantically waking up your parents and brothers to let them know presents were stacked under the tree at an ungodly hour, forcing your parents to implement the “If you don’t stay in your bed until 6 A.M. you won’t get any of your presents” rule to try and save some ounce of their sanity for the chaos that ensued after the 4 of you were really wide awake. Even as an adult, you couldn’t help but wake up giddy on Christmas, feeling as bright eyed and bushy tailed as you did all those years ago as a kid. While Javi was very aware of your love for Christmas, he wasn’t aware of the fact that it meant that you would be wide awake, waiting for him to wake up this early in the morning. 

“Merry Christmas!” You squealed, trying your best to contain your excitement as you watched Javi finally begin to stir, his sleepy curls peeking out from under the covers, eyes squinting and blinking heavily as he let out a big yawn, draping his arm over your waist, half awake. 

“Good morning.” He grumbled, rubbing his hand over his face, practically still asleep.  “What time is it?” 

“6:45…” You replied, grimacing sheepishly, wincing at the early hours plastered on your alarm clock. “You can go back to sleep if you want to, sorry if I woke you up.” 

“6:45? Jesus, how long have you already been up for, Osita?” He sighed, propping himself up on his elbows, running his hands through the messy ends of his hair. 

“Not that long…” You muttered, looking away from him, hoping it would deter him interrogating further. Javi said nothing- he only cocked his head to the side and stared with that look he gave you when he knew you were hiding something, knowing damn well his tired, puppy dog eyes would pull the truth out of you. “Fine…” You huffed, turning back to him. “I’ve been up since 6.” 

“6 in the morning? Jesus Christ, hermosa.” Javi laughed to himself, shaking his head as he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you to lay against his bare chest. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. What the hell have you been doing since you got up?” 

“I made coffee, took a giant shit after I drank the coffee, turned on the lights to the Christmas tree, put Christmas music on in the living room, and then I came back to bed and I’ve been trying to read while I was waiting for you to wake up.” 

Javi could do nothing but let out an amused sigh as he pressed a long kiss into the top of your head. “You’re insane, you know that?” 

“You’re the one who proposed.” You sassed back, holding your ring in Javi’s face, a playful smirk growing across your face before giving him a little poke on his chest. His response to your witty remark was grabbing you by the waist, flipping you on top of him as he tickled your sides, pecking quick kisses along your body, making you flail and squirm as you erupted with giggles. “Let go, pendejo! You’re gonna end up with a black eye for Christmas if you don’t stop!” 

“I’d like to see you try.” He grinned, releasing you from his grasp, giving you a little shove. “Alright, well I’m fucking awake now.” Reaching his arms over his head, Javi let out another loud yawn. 

“I made you coffee.” You shrugged, trying to provide at least a little peace offering to him for your early morning wake up. 

“I’d fucking hope so.” The two of you laughed as you shuffled out of bed, Javi lazily throwing on a t-shirt and pajama pants before you both wandered out of the bedroom, you at a much quicker pace than Javi. 

As much as Javi wanted to give you a hard time about your over exaggerated enthusiasm this early in the morning, he couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter as he walked into the living room, seeing you sit curled up on the couch, clutching a mug of coffee, beaming at Javi as Christmas music played softly in the background, the walls dimly lit by the twinkling lights of tree, being hit with the realization that every Christmas for the rest of his life, would be a Christmas spent with you. 

“For you.” You smiled, holding out Javi’s mug, steam dancing off the top of the bitter brown liquid. “My family always opened presents before we did anything else, but if you have something else that your family always did, or you don’t want to, we can-” 

“Osita, I know you wanna open presents first, it’s okay.” Javi snickered, kissing your forehead before you shot up off the couch, running over to the tree to grab one of the several neatly wrapped boxes stacked beneath it. 

“Okay, thank God, I think I would have spontaneously combusted if I had to wait any longer to give you your gifts.” Hurrying back over to the couch, you placed your boxes on Javi’s lap, snuggling back up next to him as he began to tear away at the wrapping paper of the smallest package. 

“You don’t have any photos on your desk, so I figured I’d get you one. That way you can stare at my ugly mug all day long.” You joked, nodding toward the picture frame Javi was holding with a picture from your cousin’s wedding a few months back. 

“Shut up. Thank you, I do need more pictures of us in my office, and you look so hot in this picture.” He smirked, giving you a little nudge before picking up the next gift in your pile. “Thank you, Osita.” 

“Says the one who’s in the fucking tuxedo in that photo.” You rolled your eyes, watching Javi shake the wrapping paper off the next box. 

“Fuck, I’ve been needing new boots. Thank you, Osita, these are so nice.” Javi grinned, holding up the dark leather shoes, letting the bottom of the box drop to the floor. 

“I know you have, and you refuse to buy yourself new ones, so I figured I’d upgrade them for you.” You crossed your arms over your chest at Javi, wondering how he’d ever convince himself that he wasn’t just as stubborn as you. 

“Jesus, this is heavy.” He laughed, working away at the wrapping to reveal a plain, cardboard box, giving you a confused look. 

“It didn’t come in a box and I couldn’t wrap it how it was. I promise you your first gift isn’t a heavy cardboard box.” The two of you laughed as Javi tore the tape holding the top together, digging through the tissue paper, eyes going wide at the contents of the box. 

“Osita…” He warned, pulling out the bottle of his favorite Texas branded whisky he would only order for himself on nice occasions, knowing 1- how hard it was to find, and 2- that it was not cheap. 

“Don’t even try to start with me. It’s Christmas and I love you and you deserve all the nicest things in the world. I know how much you love this stuff, even though it tastes like pure gasoline, and that you would never buy it for yourself.” You smirked, grabbing under his chin, squeezing his cheeks. 

“Thank you, Osita. Where the hell did you find this stuff?” Javi looked at the bottle in disbelief, examining it before setting it carefully back on the ground. 

“Steve knew a guy.” You shrugged, only pausing for a moment before pushing yourself off the cushions, only to be stopped by Javi’s grasp around your wrist, pulling you back down. 

“These are all perfect, baby. Thank you so much. You're too good tot me. My turn.” Javi grinned, grunting as he got up off the couch, looking through the boxes to find the one he wanted, snatching it up and handing it over to you, immediately beginning to shed the box of its paper. “If you don’t- if you don’t like it or don’t want it, that’s okay, but I figured-” 

“Javi, I’m sure whatever it is, I’ll love it.” Taking a pause from your unwrapping, you reached over to give Javi’s knee a squeeze, smiling at him before shuffling the lid off the top of the long box. “Oh no way! Are you serious?!” You squealed, holding up the emerald green and black Dallas Stars hockey jersey. “Javi, what the fuck, this is so cool! Thank you!” You dropped the jersey in your lap, leaning over to give him a tight hug. 

“Thank god, I was worried you were gonna be pissed it wasn’t a Blackhawks jersey, but I think you already have 2 here, and like 3 more at your parents house, so I figured, you might like one for the Stars, too.” Javi sighed, relieved that his gift wasn’t about to stir up any unwanted hockey tensions. 

“I will wear it every game, except for when we play the Blackhawks- Then I will bury it deep in the closet.” You giggled, picking it back up to stare at it, oblivious to the fact that Javi had already gotten up again to get you another gift.

“These two go together.” He smiled, handing you over the much smaller box as you tilted your head in confusion. You quickly unwrapped the second box, a smaller version of the box for your jersey you had just opened. Still unsure of how something so tiny could go with your new jersey, you suspiciously lifted up the lid, your jaw dropping as you saw what was inside. “Holy fuck, Javi, are you serious?!” You gasped, pulling two tickets to the Dallas Stars vs. Chicago Blackhawks game, clutching them like you couldn’t believe they were real. Taking a second to actually read the ticket, your mouth gaped even further. “Jav, holy shit, these seats are-” 

“Against the glass.” Javi smirked, watching your eyes dart back and forth between the tickets and his smug grin. 

“But what about- how are we, wait- wouldn’t we have to-“ you mumbled to yourself, trying to process the gift while figuring out the logistics of getting to and from a night game in Dallas from Laredo. 

“I’ve got it all taken care of. The game is on Friday in February, the other 3rd grade teachers said they would do whatever to help you take that Friday off, our flight leaves at 2, we land in Dallas at 3:30, and I have a hotel booked for Friday and Saturday. Figured we could make a weekend of it.” 

“Javi- You can’t- Javi this is too much- baby, are you serious?” You whispered, breath shaky as you looked up at his beaming face, leaning in to kiss you. 

“I can, and I will. You deserve it. Merry Christmas, Osita. There’s one more thing.” He smirked, raising an eyebrow at you, grabbing one last present from under the tree and setting it in your lap. 

“Javier Peña, you do not need to get me anything else, I swear to God-” You protested, giving Javi a stern look as you stared at the present in your lap. 

“It’s not anything big, I saw it when I got the jersey and couldn’t help myself. Just open it, please?” He sighed, picking it up and bringing it even closer to you. 

“Okay, okay.” You shook your head, quickly tearing away the wrapping paper to reveal the box underneath. Lifting the lid, you dramatically rolled your eyes at Javi as you lifted up the red, lacy, lingerie that was tucked away in the tissue paper it had been delicately folded under. “This looks a lot more like a gift for you than a gift for me, Mr. Peña.” You laughed, giving Javi a playful nudge. 

“Well, if you put it on and let me unwrap you like the pretty little present you are, I’m sure I can find a way to make it a gift for the both of us.” Javi rasped, leaning over to nip at the exposed skin of your neck, making you let out a breathy moan, before coming to your senses, immediately darting up off the couch towards your bedroom. 

“Where the hell are you going?” Javi asked, laughing at you as you sped off, lingerie in your hands. 

“Changing so you can unwrap your last present!” You winked, wiggling the lacy outfit in the air before ducking into the bedroom. “Hey!” You shouted, your voice slightly muffled from behind the bedroom door, creaking it open to pop your head back out. 

“What, hermosa?” Javi laughed, awestruck smile glowing across his face as he stared at you. 

“I love you, Javier Peña. Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Osita. I love you more.”

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @blackfemalenerd @deppydelta @beware-my-thorns

[lxdyred]

Among snakes I shall dance

Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!Targaryen!Fem!Reader

Next chapter

Summary: Rhaenyra's firstborn finds herself surrounded by the greens and, to her misfortune, betrothed to one of them. So she begins to plan how to take them down, one by one, from the inside.

Word count: 2.8K

Warning: Allusions to incestuous relationship (it's HOTD, come on!), use of obscene language (c-word used somewhere), some characters might be a bit out of character. And this is my fist time writing about GOT universe, so yeah :)

Tag list: Open!

Feedback is really appreciated! ❤️

"Do you want to execute the princess, the only daughter of Rhaenyra?" the queen asked incredulously, after standing up.

"Your Grace." The Master of Ships, Tyland Lannister spoke. "You must know that to leave her, her mother and bastard brothers and alive would be to jeopardise the integrity of yours son's reign."

"Let us not forget about Daemon either, I stress again." Otto dropped, running a hand through his beard.

"I will not allow you to execute the princess." Spoke firmly and sternly, Alicient. "Viserys loved his granddaughter in a very special way. I will not allow you to proceed with this absurd idea when my husband's corpse is not even cold yet. I will not let you sully his memory in this way. And whoever does so will be sent to the wall."

"You propose to let her go, my queen?" the Hand of the King asked, one eyebrow arched at his daughter. "Need I remind you that she is her mother's heiress? And that she, in turn, is just as dangerous? Any pretender to the throne can be a threat to your son."

"I propose something, an alternative that might work." Tyland Lannister spoke. "What if you marry her off to someone loyal to Aegon?" he proposed as he swept his gaze over everyone present.

"That would be a good alternative. The young princess is Targaryen and Velaryon, pure Valyrian blood unlike her brothers, she is the only one who resembles somehow to her late father, Ser Leanor. To betroth her to someone we trusts would do well." Grand Maester Orwyle commented with a nod, it seemed to be a great idea. "An advantageous marriage might prevent bloodshed, might even make her mother swear fealty to Aegon and bring them to kneel.”

"To whom would you offer the Red Mermaid’s hand, Grand Maertre?" Alicent asked once she stopped to think about the idea.

"You could betroth her to Lord Strong. Ser Larys is loyal to you, My Queen. To Aegon."

"I could betroth the princess." Tyland replied, a small smile plastered on his face. They all looked at him.

"That is a good offer, Ser Tyland, but I think Prince Aemond would be suitable." The smile that had been on the Lannister's face moments before was wiped away at those words. "He would know how to tame the young princess, who to our misfortune is as wild as her brothers and mother." Otto added the last with venom, who glanced at his daughter who was thinking about the whole situation.

"We would start, moreover, with the advantage that both of them were close in childhood." Orwyle spoke. "I propose, if we all agree, that the ceremony take place as soon as possible."

Alicent nodded. "We shall marry them right after Aegon's ceremony. By nightfall."

"It would also be advisable to have the princess present at the coronation. It would give a message of unity, so anyone loyal to Rhaenyra would think twice."

"Let there be no more talk. After Aegon's coronation, Prince Aemond and the Princess will be wed tomorrow before the day ends."

Once the green council had settled all the matters they had to deal with to carry out their plan, the queen, along with the company of Ser Criston Cole, went in search of the princess to let her know what would become of her. How before nightfall of the next day she would be married to her uncle, who in what seems to have been a past life, was a friend of hers.

"My queen." Said the young princess once she saw Alicent in front of her, bowing after addressing her. "I suppose you have come to give me the terrible news that my beloved grandsire has passed away." Spoke the silver-haired young woman with a soft tone.

"That is not the only reason I am here, my dear." The Hightower woman spoke as she approached her granddaughter-in-law with a sad smile.

The Queen looked at the you woman. She could clearly see that she had been weeping for hours over the pass of Viserys, who had been so important to her. Even though she had not been able to see her grandsire for the past six years, the two had been corresponding by letters weekly, which had made the bond between grandsire and granddaughter very close.

"I am so sorry for your loss." Spoke the young woman who stood by the window of her room, which overlooked the inner courtyard of the castle. She knew things were wrong when she saw the behaviour of the people in the castle different, as if they were following a protocol. Well, let's just say that Ser Criston Cole locking her in her room and the guards taking anyone who worked in the castle to the dungeons - where she supposed they were sent - were two other big signs.

"I too am sorry for your loss, sweet child." The queen murmured as she took the young woman’s hands for her attention. "There is something I must inform you of."

"What is it?" the young one looked at the Queen, once her mother's best friend and now her grandmother by marriage to Viserys.

"Viserys… before he passed away, he told me one thing." The brown-haired woman began to explain to the silver-haired. "He told me that his dying wish is that your uncle, Aegon, should succeed him as king."

The young princess shook her head in confusion. "Pardon me?" she asked with a frown, still showing signs of confusion. "It makes no sense at all. He made my mother his heir." Said the young woman turning away. "He wanted my mother to rule the kingdoms."

"It's true. He told me, he changed his mind, it was his dying wish. For your uncle to be the new king."

"Is that what you had to tell me, dear Grandmother?" The young woman asked as she folded her arms, still frowning, but this time she did not show confusion, if not displeasure. "Is that why I have been locked up all day? To keep me from running away? Or perhaps, to keep me prisoner and use me to your advantage and make my mother bow the knee to your son?" The young woman exclaimed in anger. "I will not allow my mother to kneel."

"They wanted to execute you." Alicent spoke calmly, resting her hand on her granddaughter’s cheek. "I have prevented it. But to avoid a war, we have made a decision, of which I have come to tell you."

The young Velaryon laughed cynically. "To keep me prisoner, I assume." She took a step back.

"Of course not."

"You are telling me I can go back to my mother, to Dragonstone? Or back to Driftmark where I am supposed to go with my Grandmother?" The young woman looked around and sighed. "Where is my grandmother? Princess Rhaenys. Do you have her locked up too? Or have you executed her already?"

"She is well. In her room, making a decision."

"I see." The young woman dropped into the chair next to the window. "Seven hells." She dropped her head into her hands. "So... can I go now? I mean, if I am not a prisoner, I would like to leave as soon as possible." She looked up and looked at the queen, who was staring out the window, in silence.

Alicent continued to stare out the window, until she turned silently, with a serious countenance, then broke the silence. "You're getting married. Tomorrow night, after Aegon's coronation."

Like her mother in her day, the young woman did not want to get married. She wanted to live her life freely, free of responsibilities and heavy burdens. In a way, because she knew she was not made to be a pretender to the Iron Throne, which had given her so many headaches throughout her life. She knew that her younger brother, Jace, would be a better candidate when the time came. That was why, the day before, after what had happened in the throne room with Veamond Velaryon, she knew she must speak to her mother before she went home.

"Mother, may I have a word with you, please?" The firstborn said to her mother, who was with Daemon, preparing to leave the red keep. They both looked at their daughter.

"I will leave you two alone." Said the Prince, preparing to give both women space.

"That's not necessary, Father." Daemon was not her father, but since Leanor's passing, he had taken it upon himself to play that role, protecting and thus teaching the young woman everything he knew of the world, from High Valyrian to how to fight with a sword. "I would like you to stay. Please."

"What's wrong, dear?" Rhaenyra said, approaching her daughter in fear that something bad had happened. "She took her daughter’s face, and could see sadness and uncertainty in her expression.

Daemon approached her as well, and placed a hand on her shoulder, a sign of support and encouragement for her to speak. "If someone has done or said something to you, tell me who it is and I will kill them. No hesitation, you know that.”

"Nothing bad has happened, everything is fine, really, father." she said with a small smile at her father's overprotective reaction. "I wanted to let you know before you leave…my intentions."

"Your intentions about what, my daughter?"

"I do not desire the Iron Throne, mother. I do not wish to be your heir." The young woman spat quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint the person she loved most in the world. "Jace would be a better king. He should be your heir. I wanted to tell you, but... I didn't want to disappoint either of you. I- I'm sorry, mother. I'm not up to it." The young Velaryon girl burst into tears.

"You could never let us down, sweetheart. Never, do you hear me?" Rhaenyra hugged her daughter tightly. Daemon smiled briefly at her and stroked her long silver hair.

Alicent's words really did hit her like a bucket of cold water. "Of course I am not getting wed!" The girl exclaimed. "No."

"If for the sake of your family, you want to avoid a war and getting them all killed, that's what you have to do," Alicent spoke calmly, with a tone that sent shivers down her spine.

This could not be happening.

Fuck it all.

Fuck the greens and their manipulations.

Fuck Alicent Hightower and the snake she had for a father.

"And who is the highest bidder to whom you have sold me, my queen?" the Velaryon said the last with mockery. "Ser Larys Strong? Or perhaps Ser Tyland Lannister?"

"Aemond, of course. Your dear uncle."

"I-no... He's-"

"Ser Criston." Called the Queen to the new Commander of the Kingsguard, who until then had been on the other side of the door to the princess's chambers, waiting for Alicent.

"My Queen." Said the knight once he entered the room. He looked at the princess and gave a small bow with his head. "Princess."

"Ser Criston, escort the princess for a little stroll to the gardens. She's been cooped up here all day, I'm sure some fresh air will do her good."

"As you commanded, my Queen."

Great, we're going on a small trip with Cole. Sounds like fun.

Spoiler. No.

A few moments later, when the Queen had left the place, together with the Commander's company, the young Velaryon woman went for a walk, in silence, to the Red Keep’s gardens.

It was strange to be walking in the Keep at this hour. It was almost dark, everything was dark, there was hardly anyone in the there, only guards and a few servants going to their rooms. There was not as much light as she remembered from when she was younger, except for a few torches and candles.

No doubt, the Red Keep had changed, it was not the place she loved to be in her childhood. Now it was just a dreary, cold place, a memory. A shell of its former self.

"Enjoying the walk, niece?" A voice interrupted them.

"Uncle." The girl whispered as she saw her uncle leaning against a brick pillar.

"I suppose you have been informed of the great news by now, hm?" The young Prince took a sip from the cup in his hand.

"Yes." She said in a dry tone, as she watched his every move.

"It will not be so bad, do you think?" The silver-haired Prince arched an eyebrow, before taking a final sip from his cup and setting it down.

She watched as the cup fell to the ground and the noise it made when it made contact with it. The noise echoed down the hallway.

In a way, that was how she felt. As if she was falling and was about to make an impact with something that was going to end her.

She didn't know at what point he had approached, but now he was standing in front of her, a smirk plastered on his face. "Don't you think it is funny?" He asked her, she watched him. She noticed his features slightly illuminated under the torches. His eyepatch was what caught her attention the most. She thought about the sapphire that was underneath. "By this time tomorrow we will be married. We will be one before the gods." She looked at his only eye, his blue gaze attracted her, much to her dismay.

"Delightful." She snapped wryly.

"Don't take it like that, princess. We will have a good time, just like when we were kids."

Something about him was attracting her. She didn't know what it was exactly, but it was electrifying. She looked closely at his long, seemingly silky hair, his high cheekbones, his perfect nose. His lips. Those lips, which were quirked into a mocking smile.

"I would rather jump from the highest tower of the Keep, my Prince." That was what came from between the lips of the young woman, who feigned sweetness.

"Seven hells. You really feel like it, hm?" Aemond said as he took the young woman's chin and lifted her face, so that she would look at him. "It is alright. I am dying for it too." He whispered teasingly before placing a kiss on the young woman's forehead, as if this was a game. "Ser Criston."

"Yes, my prince?"

"Please take my betrothed back to her chambers. She must rest for tomorrow." The young Prince ordered.

"As you command." Replied the brown-haired knight at the young man's command.

"Good night, my dear. We have an exciting day ahead of us tomorrow."

That was when she made up her mind to send it all to hell.

If she was going to be surrounded by Snakes from now on, unable to be with her family, she was going to do everything she could to destroy them from the inside. Or at least try and enjoy the process.

After all, she was her mother's daughter. She wouldn't let them finish her off so easily.

"Fuck all of this, fuck this place. Fuck all of them." She whispered.

The commander heard her. "You could have your tongue cut out for saying that." Criston told her, as she was escorted on her way to her room.

"Would you do it yourself, Ser Criston?" The girl gave the knight a fleeting glance.

"If I were ordered to." He replied.

"Surely you would enjoy it, would not you?"

The commander frowned and gave the young woman a look full of anger and displeasure.

"This can stay between us, Commander. It could be our secret, one more we would have." The young woman paused as she almost reached the door to her quarters. "I know you loathe my mother, that you resent her and that if it were up to you she would be dead. I also know that you think the same of me. That I am a savage and perhaps a spoiled cunt, worthy daughter of my mother? Perhaps?"

"You should go inside your room, princess. You must rest."

"Yes, don't worry. But first I want to tell you one thing. As I have already told you, all this may be our secret." The Velaryon woman spoke as she finished heading to the door of her quarters, once she reached the door she looked at the knight. "Well. As I was saying, I know you hate my mother, and I also know why, because she supposedly made you break your vows, the ones you took when you entered the kingsguard, am I wrong?"

Cole took a breath, thus trying to control the anger he was beginning to feel at hearing the young woman's words. His knuckles were white now. “What are you trying to say?”

"You see I am also my father's worthy daughter. For that I think you should be glad, don't you think? After all, not many Commanders of the Kingsguard have a daughter who is a princess." The young woman opened the door to her room. "I'm going to get some rest now. Good night, Commander. Oh! My mistake - should I address you as father from now on?"

No doubt she was going to do her best to destroy them from the inside. One by one, if that wasn't too ambitious of her.

Anyway, she was going to try to enjoy the process.

Even if it ended with her.

[feelbokkie]

Don’t Let Me Love You | Chapter 18

pairing: Felix x fem reader; Chan x fem reader

genre: smau, fake dating, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing,

summary: With the upcoming wedding of her cousin and her ex, Y/n is in desperate need of a date for the wedding that will show the happy couple that she moved on.

word count: 1,390 (unedited)

screenshot count: n/a

©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

previous | masterlist | next

backstory unlocked: Chan and Y/n

For your listening pleasure (might be best halfway through the story)

You watch as Felix converses with your parents at their table, no doubt trying to convince him that the next wedding has to be yours. You two had managed to stay together for a while before your parents swept him away, leaving you alone at your table.

"Eonni, there you are. Finally, someone I can stand!" Hannah, Chan's sister, exclaims as she sits down in Felix's empty seat.

"Hannah! It's been so long." You hug the younger girl and lean back into your seat.

"No offense, by what are you doing here?" She asks, copying your action.

"Atoning for my sins I guess." You reply cooly.

"You know, I always thought that I would be at one of these things for you and my idiot of a brother." She sighs, crossing her arms.

"Hey, don't call Chan an idiot. He's still your brother." You elbow her side.

"Yeah, but you were supposed to be my sister."

"Hannah," You coo, gently stroking her arm.

"Ah shit, sorry. I promised my parents I wasn't going to not start anything today or tomorrow.”

You watch as Hannah lightly slaps her cheeks. You had met Chan’s family a few times throughout your relationship. You, Hannah, and Lucas all hit it off immediately and by the time Chan had broken up with you, they had become like your younger siblings.

“You know, you and Lucas can still talk to me, right? Just because Chan dumped me and is marry someone else, it doesn’t mean I’m going go cut you two out of my life. You like my little sister.” You tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

“Oh trust me, I’m going to be coming to you to complain about Bai.” She turns and smiles at you.

Felix watches fondly from the table where your parents are sitting as you laugh and exchange joke with Hannah. He can help but have a small smile. He’s glad that you’re having fun despite everything.

***

Felix sat with your hand in his hand ever since Hannah got up from the table. Both of you know the song was coming up and you are getting more and more anxious. Felix gives your had a reassuring squeeze every couple of minutes.

You two watch as Bai gets up and walks to the small stage towards the back of the room. Her hair is perfectly curled, the heat trained stands of hair perfectly framing her face. Her dress is white and short, like something someone might wear at a graduation. She even wore a small flower adorned with small white flowers. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was a princess.

“Hello! I just wanted to come up here and thank everyone for coming to the rehearsal dinner. It was so fun meeting each and everyone of you, I can’t wait to officially become a member of the family tomorrow.” Bai speaks into the microphone. The venue is mostly filled with Chan’s family members, yours and Bai’s family being a lot smaller than his.

“I don’t want to stand up here and take up too much of your time. I know you guys want to get back to eating. But I have a little gift for Chris that I want to present him with right now. Y/n?” Bai’s eyes find you in the crowd and she smirks.

Your breath hitches in your throat as the people in the room turn around to face you.

“Remember, sing to me, okay?” Felix whispers in your ear before kissing your cheek. You finally squeeze his hand back before dropping it and making your way to the stage.

When you get to the stage, Bai grins as she examines the distressed look on your face before leaving the stage. You tap the mic to make sure it’s still on before you turn and face the crowd. Bai and Chan are at the center of the room, looking up at you. Chan is confused about what is going on while Bai smiles at your discomfort.

“Hello everyone, my name is Y/n and I’m Bai’s cousin. Just want to say congratulations to the… happy couple. Chan, Bai asked me to sing this for you as her way of expressing her love for you. Enjoy,” You speak softly. Felix is sitting behind Chan, making it easier for you to look at him instead.

“You're just too good to be true…”

You watch as Chan’s face turns ghost white the second the first note of the song hits through the venue’s speakers. His mouth drops and he quickly looks at Bai in disbelief.

Various family members sway along to the song and your singing, blissfully unaware of the psychological turmoil you are internally going through right now. You can’t help but think of all the times you and Chan sang this song to each other. You think about how the first time he said ‘I love you’ to you was while you two were watching 10 Things I Hate About You together.

“Pardon the way that I stare,”

Your eyes meet Felix’s, who was shooting you a small thumbs up and finger heart. You couldn’t help but smile. Somehow, it’s easier to sing to Felix. The two of you have definitely gotten close over the past few months. You spent much of your free time talking to or hanging out with him. You went to his apartment several time over the past couple of weeks to prepare for this moment he helped you practice the song and focus at looking at him while you sang.

“Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay,”

You know that after tomorrow, this relationship that you have with Felix is over. And while you wish you could stay friends, you know that you’ve disrupted his life enough for three months. You know that watching his his ex lover, or whatever they were, isn’t easy but he stayed to help you.

“I love you, baby”

You’re going to miss the random dates and the constant supply of cafe mochas and the various pastries. Felix says he’s not in love with Bai but tomorrow is going to be hard for him to watch as the person he had some sort of relationship with marries someone else. You know how he must be feeling. The void that only seems to be getting bigger. You don’t want to be a permanent reminder of this for him.

“Oh pretty baby, trust in me when I say…” The song finishes and your heart sinks as the crowd cheers. You blink a few times before thanking the audience and finally breaking eye contact with Felix as you exit the stage.

***

You had to get out of the room. You need fresh air. You stare up at the sky, finally letting the tears you were holding back fall. You can imagine the smug look on Bai’s face if she knew you were outside crying.

“Here,” A hand appears in front of you holding a handkerchief.

“Thanks,” You mumble, taking the handkerchief and start dabbing the tears on your face.

The two of you sit in silence, staring at the night sky. You’re too close to the city. The light from all the buildings polluting the sky, making it impossible to find a single star.

“Why are you out here, Chan?” You sigh.

“Wanted to check up on you. Singing that song couldn’t have been easy,” He breathes.

“Well, it’s what the bride wanted so,”

“Y/n,” He mumbles, standing in front of you and block your view of the starless sky.

You take a real, good look at him. He has bags under his eyes. His eyes are glossy but his expression is unreadable.

He caresses your cheek with the back of his fingers so softly, like you’d disappear.

“Chan,” Your breath hitches in your throat as you watch his eyes shift down to your lips, “what are you—“

Chan effectively shuts you up by leaning down and deeply pressing his lips into yours. You freeze, unable to fully understand what is happening and why. Chan’s lips fit into your like a missing puzzle piece. They’re as soft as you remember but somehow sweeter. Before you can fully process what’s going on, Chan slowly pulls away.

"I'm still in love with you, Y/n."

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Tag list:

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you

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[melswifeasf]

Safest in your arms pt 10

previous chapter || next chapter || series page

Pairing: Georgia Miller x fem!oc

Summary: fall fest was supposed to be a fun activity for Samantha but it turned into nothing but a huge disappointment.

Warnings: (18+) MDNI, cursing, age gap relationship (18 and 30) grooming.

HALLOWEEN WAS THE BEST time of the year which all six friends could account for. they could dress slutty, get drunk and go to parties the whole weekend. it wasn't until their sophomore year they ditched the whole 'binge scary movies and stuff their faces with candy' deal and started going out instead. they had wanted to go to a party that night but none of them had planned a costume and Ellen had said she preferred her daughter to just go out on Saturday instead. Samantha didn't push it, it wasn't like her to do so.

the group of friends were in Matthews like most weekends. they were all sitting on the couch except for Natalie and Oliver who were on the floor like they had been last time they were there the last they were there. it was almost midnight and she thought by now she would be with a certain blonde but her friends were very persistent on her staying and she couldn't say no. even then that didn't stop her from texting her.

🍑 : are you gonna be at the festival

tomorrow?

S: prob? depends on if my friends

are going

S: are you?

🍑: i have to since Paul is running for

mayor again, he needs everyone in

the office with him.

S: does this mean Georgia Miller is

going to dress up?

🍑: i have to do that?

S: ofc you do, ur in the Mayors office

you kind of don't have a choice

🍑: does that mean your dressing up?

S: for the festival? no lmao.

S: i prob will later though, i think we're

going to some party

🍑: will i be able to see your costume?

S: i'll send pics;)

🍑: i'll be looking forward to it

🍑: what will your costume be?

S: idk tbh, we're all dressing up together

but they can't decide on what it should

whilst she waited for a response from the blonde she put her phone face down in her lap and turned her head to look at her friends. she was laying her head on Jades lap, her hair was being played with softly. Nia had Samanthas legs on her lap and Matthew was sitting beside the brunette with a respectable space between them. it was understandable that they wanted to keep things between them under wraps, especially considering they were still taking things slow and Oliver was overly protective when it came to Nia and her love life. she only ever had one boyfriend during her Junior year but it only last six months because Oliver would always try and scoot himself in between them. it wasn't fair, Nia never did that with him and Nat.

"i think we should go as nuns" Matthew said and looked up from his phone. they all laughed.

"the day i see you in a nun outfit will probably be the day that i die." Jade said with a chuckle.

"you putting that on would be an insult to nuns and i'm not even religious like that," Natalie said.

Matthew rolled his eyes, "okay i get it, i like sex." he shrugged. Samantha wondered if he was actually offended or if he was just acting like that because he always did. a part of her would believe he was offended, especially since the girl he currently had a thing with was sitting right beside him and listening to everything. although that shouldn't matter, Nia knew who Matthew was since the day they met and it's not like all of that knowledge would disappear now that they were figuring things out.

"more like you get around." Jade mumbled with a small chuckle making the girl in her lap slap her arm softly in warning.

"what about the avengers?" she proposed, trying her best to differ the conversation from him and to something else. "there's six of them so the numbers check out" she continued.

Oliver scrunched his nose, "i don't think any of us want to be hulk"

"or hawkeye" Nia mumbled.

Samantha sighed, "okay. any other ideas?" they had been going at it for a while now and it was starting to annoy everyone in the room. it was just hard, none of them wanted to pick something basic but there weren't that many group costumes, especially with six.

"we could all just wear purge masks" Natalie shrugged making both Samantha and Nia grimace.

"ew that's like super 2019. that is the most boring shit ever" she said shaking her head. Natalie sighed.

"okay then i don't know"

the room fell silent once more as they thought about more ideas. Matthew was on his phone searching for ideas but he seemed to be coming up with the same things over and over.

"what about toy story" Nia said making the raven girl point at her in agreement.

"i can be barbie. she's hot" she said earning a small smile from Jade.

"true." she agreed.

"holy shit," Oliver muttered making them all look at him in confusion. "Matthew and i could be Kens and you girls could be barbie." he proposed with a huge smile. that didn't sound like a bad idea at all, she doubted anyone else would think of doing that. it just surprised her that Oliver was the one to think about that over everyone else. she'd expect that from Nia or maybe even Jade but Oliver? that was something she never saw coming.

"why are you actually kind of a genius" Nia said matching her brothers grin.

"i think i'm more of a raquel though," Jade said, her lips twisted to the side as she was looking at the space in front of her in thought.

"i totally see that" Natalie nodded then gasped as she looked down at her boyfriend in excitement. "we could be Ken and Barbie from the Toy Story movie." she said happily.

Oliver's grin grew wider, "you're a genius babe" he said and the blonde shrugged sheepishly before she leaned down to press a soft kiss on the boys lips.

"i'll be howdy Ken," Matthew said, his lip curling into a smirk.

"valid, valid." Samantha nodded, "i never thought i'd see you in a cowboy costume and honestly i love that for you"

Nia frowned, "but then what would i be? i don't want to be in some horrid 80's work out jumpsuits" she said sadly.

"you could match with me" Matthew offered, his smirk gone and replaced with a small smile that everyone else in the room messed but Nia couldn't.

"yeah, you guys would look great." Natalie said to try and encourage her friend. they really needed to come to a conclusion so they could get the costumes the next morning.

"that just leaves you," Jade said looking down at Samantha.

"i'll be og barbie. you know, with the pink dress? god i'm gonna look so hot" she sighed out a bit dreamily causing them all to laugh.

"i sometimes forget how obsessed you are with yourself," Natalie chuckled.

"whatever, it's called self love." Samantha bit back and threw up her middle finger at everyone in the room.

they all started to talk about what they needed to buy which wasn't much since most of them already had clothes that could go with it. the only person who didn't was Natalie and Oliver because he needed a hawaiian shirt. Samantha figured her dad would have one though she offered to try and look for one for him. Samantha would just wear a pink dress that she already had and wear glittery eyeshadow along with pink heels to really seal the deal.

Samantha didn't feel her phone vibrate any more meaning Georgia hadn't texted her back. she tried not to overthink it, the blonde was probably asleep by now. it's not that she needed to talk to Georgia every minute of the day but the blonde had been a bit distant since the morning and she wondered if she did something wrong. the day that they hooked up Samantha and her stayed up another hour before the blonde grew tired and fell asleep, as soon as she did Samantha snuck out through the balcony. it was thankfully still slightly dark outside, the sun had just began to rise so it wasn't completely light outside. things were fine even the morning after, their dynamic didn't change but she was starting to wonder if the blonde had just now started to regret it, the reality of it all finally sinking in. the thought alone made her stomach hurt.

now that she knew what being with Georgia was like, life before her seemed so boring. nothing compared to the night they shared, the chemistry, the passion and overall it was just so fucking hot and every time she thought about it a light shade of pink would cross her features. her overthinking was cut short by Jade who locked her phone and threw it on the empty spot beside her.

"guess what i heard," she said a small smirk playing at her lips. everyone stopped to look at the girl, each of them just as confused, including Samantha who was looking at her with furrowed brows.

"what?" Oliver chuckled.

Jade looked down at Samantha, "Sophie Sanchez and your sister are talking." she said, her smirk never leaving.

"holy shit, are you for real?" Matthew laughed in slight amazement. Samantha didn't say anything as she waited for Jade to respond to him. there was no way Max was talking to someone - specifically someone she knew and wouldn't tell her. the thought alone hurt her feelings more than she thought it would.

Jade nodded, "yeah. i heard it from Kate. i think she even invited her to some party Brodie's throwing." she laughed and anyone who had common sense knew she was making fun of Max.

the raven haired girl didn't even care to comment on that. all she could think about was the fact that her sister was talking to someone and she didn't bother to loop her in. maybe she was a hypocrite considering she didn't tell the girl about her ex girlfriend but that was different, she couldn't tell Maxine because she knew it would ruin a lot of friendships and she didn't think it was fair for that to happen when all she wanted to do was to be happy. Maxine didn't have that problem, it's not like Samantha would get mad if she talked to Sophie. she just wished she was important enough in Maxs life to have been in the circle. maybe she was a shittier sister than she thought she was.

the girls mood had drastically changed and the only person who seemed to notice was Nia who began to rake her fingers through the girls hair. "you okay?" she asked softly, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

Samantha shook her head as she tried to form a smile, "yeah." she whispered.

both of them knew she was lying.

the next day the group of friends all rode together to the festival. they had all gotten everything they needed for their costume and there was a while until they needed to get ready so they decided why not go. Natalie Oliver were still parking the car seeing as there wasn't any empty parking spaces so they dropped the four friends off before driving off to try and find a space. as soon as Nia and Jade saw that there was fresh apple cider they each broke away from Matthew and Samantha leaving them on their own. they were each waiting for the two girls near the face painting station where Samantha could clearly see her sister and her friends.

what she had heard yesterday was still fresh in her heart and seeing her sister only made it sting even more. she never thought she would be left in the shadows of her sisters life and yet here she was.

she wasn't the only one overthinking though. Matthew glanced at the shorter girl briefly, his heart was beating faster than usual which he had never felt before. why was he nervous? he only felt like this before games. he sighed, "can i ask you something?" he spoke up breaking Samanthas stare in her sisters direction and directing her sight toward him.

she had an idea of what he would be asking but nodded regardless, "what's up?"

"has Nia told you anything.. about us lately?" he asked a bit hesitantly, he paused to try and get the words out without seeming too n invested.

Samantha shook her head, "about what?" she asked feigning confusion. she didn't want to throw her friends under the bus like that, especially not with the literal guy she was crushing on.

Matthew looked at her with 'seriously' look on his face. "you're her best friend and she hasn't said anything? i don't believe you" he said and crossed his arms against his chest.

the raven girl rolled her eyes, "if you already knew the answer then why'd you ask."

Matthew shrugged, "i want you to be honest."

"she has."

"what did she say?" he quickly responded.

Samantha looked at him with raised brows, not at all used to seeing him this desperate. "just that you guys talked during Sophomore sleepover." she said honestly. they hadn't really spoken since and she assumed it was because they were taking things slow.

Matthew nodded, his face turning so he was looking in front of him and not directly at the shorter girl. "that's it?"

"did you want her to tell me something else?"

he shook his head. "i just.. i know she likes me and all but i don't know if she would want to actually go on a date with me." he said scratching the back of his neck nervously.

Samantha's expression softened, she now understood that it wasn't just one of his usual conquest, he actually care for Nia. "i think she'd say yes"

"really?" he asked his head snapped back toward the girl. she nodded with a gentle smile.

"yeah."

the boy couldn't contain his smile so he turned back around, "okay" he confirmed. neither of them could continue their conversation considering the sole topic of it was walking toward them with a cup in hand. she was laughing at something Jade had said and Samantha didn't miss the way the boys eyes shinned at the sight. she loved them together.

the brunette and Jade approached them, each holding a cup of cider. "want some?" Nia offered Samantha as she held her cup out but Samantha shook her head.

"im good. thanks though." she said earning a smile from the brunette as she went back to talking with Jade.

soon enough Oliver and Natalie were walking toward them hand in hand, once they were caught up with the group they walked around a bit to see what they could do. there were some activities which they participated in which really just means Oliver and Matthew would compete with one another. they spent half an hour carving a pumpkin which both looked equally as bad, none of them had the heart to tell them that though. that thankfully didn't last long since they all went toward the stage when they heard Paul begin to announce who had won the decoration competition. they all knew who the winner was even before so it was really pointless.

Samantha could see Georgia up on the stage, their eyes met for a second, each of them sharing a smile before the blonde turned to talk to her coworker. the six teens were in the crowd, half of them whispering to each other whilst Nia and Matthew were watching Samantha and the blonde exchange small glances.

"bootylicious really takes the whole costume thing seriously." Matthew said with a small smirk knowing the name he called her would annoy her.

he was right, the raven girl rolled her eyes at him. "shut up" she mumbled making both Nia and Matthew glance at one another in amusement. she looked so hopelessly in love and yet couldn't see that herself.

"best window decoration," Paul announced, a small card being pointed at him so he could read off of it. he was wearing a suit that was unbuttoned to reveal a super man costume, he was even wearing a black wig and glasses to complete the look. "goes to.. Liz Chavez" he finished earning an applause from the crowd. they watched as a trophy was brought up to Paul before her gave it away to the winner. "winner of best apple pie," Cynthia which isn't a surprise at all. "to the surprise of no one, goes to Cynthia Fuller." as they all expected. everyone began to clap once more but neither Samantha nor her friends did.

"bitch," Jade muttered under her breath making them all laugh.

"careful, the witch might hear." Matthew quickly whispered before turning back toward the front so they could watch the red head take a picture with the mayor. Samantha saw the small and cold interaction between her and Georgia when she grabbed the trophy from the blondes hand. that made a smile form on her lips, she loved that about Georgia. the camera snapped a quick picture and the redhead pulled away from the mayor and behind him on the stage.

"and now a very exciting announcement from the mayors office. we are going to be renovating the Wellsbury public library." cheers erupted from the crowd once more, even from the six teens who were glad they were finally going to do something different in the town.

not everyone had the same reaction though, Cynthia walked back up toward the front of the stage clearly upset with what she had just heard. "but the library is one of the most historic buildings." she said.

"exactly. this is why it deserves upkeep." Paul nodded. "we're gonna be adding a third floor. we are going—"

he was quickly interrupted by the red head who sounded even more upset, "upkeep? sounds like your plan is to depreciate a beloved landmark." she said in a condescending tone then reached over to snatch the mic causing it to make a slight squeaking sound making everyone cringe.

"fuck." Samantha muttered knowing whatever was going down wouldn't be good.

"what Wellsbury deserves is a mayor with a vested interest in preserving that standards in this town. i mean, first the drugs, now the library. where does it stop?" she said. cameras were snapping pictures repeatedly, each of them wanting the hot new story for the day.

"bitch needs to get laid," Nia joked earnings snickers from the group.

"someone get her a broom so she can fly away." Oliver added making his girlfriend shove him softly, not able to contain her amusement at his words.

"green gardens actually allowed us to have a surplus that far exceeds—"

"i saw Mayor Randolph last night on a date." she interrupted him, talking louder to drown his words out. murmurs erupted in the crowd causing her to nod, "yes. with his assistant" she confessed pointing at the blonde in accusation.

the crowd fell silent at her words just like Samantha felt her stomach drop, her before amused expression replaced with a blank expression. the three oblivious teens began to whisper their surprise whilst Nia and Matthew looked at their friend worriedly. they glanced at one another, each of them trying to have a silent conversation so try and figure out what to do.

Samantha's eyes locked with Georgia who looked nothing short of regretful but she quickly looked away, turning her attention to Paul making that horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach intensify. this was why she had been super distant they day before. she probably couldn't find the balls to tell her that she wanted to end things then. it shouldn't even matter, they aren't even together but that didn't take away the absolute pain she was feeling in her chest. was this what all of her one night stands felt when she didn't talk to them anymore? was this her karma?

she chuckled softly, her head shaking in disbelief. she felt stupid for ever thinking her and Georgia could be anything but a simple fuck.

"let's go." she said dryly, not even turning to look at her friends as she began to walk away from the crowd. not even Cynthia making a skeptical of herself could make her feel better and all she wanted was to get that horrible feeling out of her body and never have to talk to Georgia again. the pettiness of her words didn't matter to her, she didn't care that it had only been two months since they met, or that they only had sex once and that they never agreed to be exclusive. it was the fact that Georgia didn't tell her, the fact that she kept her in the dark and even texted her asking if she would be able to see her after she went to the halloween party because Ginny would be out til late. did she think she could just keep her little date a secret?

no, fuck her.

none of them questioned her as they walked to Oliver's car, at least not until they were actually in it. "why'd we leave? i wanted to get my face painted." Oliver said when he began to pull out of the parking space. his words earned him a slap in the back of his head from his sister who was sitting directly in the seat beside him.

"ouch, what the fuck?" he said his hand rubbing the impact to try and soothe the pain. Nia shot her brother a look through the rear view mirror which cause him to shut up a second later. Samantha wasn't paying attention to Jade and Natalie who looked extremely confused by the whole situation.

thankfully Matthew was the one who solved the problem which meant more to Samantha then she could ever really express. "Sam was having an attack." he lied. well, it wasn't a complete lie, she was having a sort of anxiety attack but it didn't have to do with the crowd around her.

"are you okay?" Jade asked quickly after, she turned her head to look at her friend with worried eyes.

Samantha nodded softly, "i'm good. i just didnt take my meds today." which also wasn't a lie. since she stayed the night at Matthews she didn't have her pills. she was planning on taking them before going to the party since she wasn't planning on drinking, the idea of driving to Georgias house drunk was incredibly irresponsible but that wasn't the case anymore and she was starting to regret it. in fact the only thing that could make her feel better at this point would be blacking out so she didn't have to think about her shitty love life. funny how she went from not having one just a month ago and now it was more complicated than ever.

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Boston Bears: Off-Limits - Rugby Player!Chris x Reader (Part 2)

Summary: After an unforgettable night, Chris finds out more about you

Word Count: 6.4k

Warnings: Angst! SMUT! 18+ ONLY! Male Masturbation! MINORS DNI!

Rugby Explained

Dividers by Me!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

Chapter 2

You heaved out a long sigh as you put the last of your clothes away, walking out of the closet towards your bed only to completely collapse on your bed in exhaustion. The bed springs creaked as you bounced slightly, the noise bringing you straight back to last night when they were creaking for a completely different reason. 

You nibbled at your lower lip as the memory of last night replayed in your mind, the way Chris took you to heaven multiple times. The thought of it alone had you crossing one leg over the other as pressure built between your legs. When your phone vibrated in your jeans pocket a small involuntary gasp escaped your lips. 

A smile then grew on your face when you saw it was Chris replying to your text asking how his post-match recovery was going. Like promised Chris had texted you this morning and you two had been texting ever since.

Chris: good, just warming back up after an icebath before watching the Chicago Knights game later, playing them next weekend and wanna know where they’re at

Y/N: oh very good, getting yourself in the coach’s good books?

Chris: just trying to be a good captain, although it never hurts to stay in his good books

You let out a snort since you knew that was definitely the case, you’re dad was pretty chill in most aspects but when it came to Rugby he was pretty strict. Speaking of the devil, you put your phone away when he knocks on your bedroom door with an open bottle of beer. 

“All done in here?” he asks walking over and passing you the beer.

You accept it, sitting up to take a long sip “Yup, don’t ever let me say I don’t have enough clothes” you tell him.

Your father snorts “If only your teenage self could see you now” he says with a shake of his head “kitchen is all unpacked, but feel free to reorganise everything because I did it wrong” he offers. 

“Thanks Dad, you didn’t grab yourself a beer?” you ask nodding down to the beer bottle in your hands. 

“No need to keep my mind clear got games to study when I get home,” your dad says with a shake of his head. 

“Well take one for later once you’re done studying, did you even celebrate the win yesterday?” you say with a knowing look. 

Your dad sighs and rolls his eyes “The team all went out to celebrate” 

“I didn’t ask about the team I asked about you” you point out standing up from your bed and walking out towards your kitchen. 

“Fine, I got takeout while watching the game back” your dad relents with a long sigh. 

“See, today is supposed to be your day off so just take a beer and go relax for a bit, you deserve it considering you helped me unpack,” you say opening up your fridge and grabbing him a beer. 

“Fine but I’m still watching the Knights match tonight and that counts because I enjoy watching rugby” your dad argues as he accepts the bottle of beer. 

You chuckle shaking your head at him “I wouldn't expect anything else, thanks for today Dad”

Your dad smiles warmly over at you, walking over to sling his arm around your shoulders “It’s nothing, I’m just happy to have my little girl back on the east coast”

“Me too Dad” you smile.

You had enjoyed your time in LA, you had met some friends for life there. But you missed New England so much, especially the sweater weather. When you walked off the plane it was like a breath of fresh air, you felt good about returning home and getting your fresh start after everything with Bryce. 

“I better get going and let you settle and reorganise,” your dad says grabbing his jacket. 

“Thanks Dad, don’t forget to relax,” you say pointing over to him.

“I won’t see you tomorrow for your first day, don’t be late” your dad smiles pointing a finger right back at you. 

“Don’t worry I know how to make a good impression” you wink as you close the door. 

Once he was gone you made your way into the kitchen, sipping your beer as you went. You inspected the unpacking your dad had done and where he had put everything. Like he suspected you would have to move things around and re-organise because where he put a few things just didn’t make sense to you. 

But that would be a job for another day. You were far too tired from unpacking to even think about re-organising the kitchen, if you attempted it now you would probably only make it worse. 

So instead you made your way back to your living room and collapsed on the couch. Looking at the time you had a lot of time left in the day, for a second you considered texting Chris and inviting him over to fulfil that reward he teased but you stopped yourself. Doing that would just open yourself up to getting attached, you couldn’t make the same mistake again. But Chris was so different to Bryce already, it was what made you comfortable to give him your number. 

Letting out a long sigh you shook your head trying to get Chris out of your head. It was a one-night stand, nothing more. To carry it on would only make things complicated, even if it was the best sex of your life. Sex that every time you thought about it made your core ache and wish to seek out the toy he used last night. 

To distract yourself you grabbed your laptop and decided to do some work. Your dad had already given you the lowdown on the team’s list of injuries so you wouldn’t go into it blind. But you also knew players tried to hide any injuries and niggles they had so you wanted to rewatch yesterday's match to see if you could spot any. You had already noticed a couple but you suspected there was more. 

You also planned to watch the Knights game too to do the same thing, knowing what your opposition's injuries are can be a great help. You know which players could be slow to turn or not at full speed and easy to run past.

You were halfway through making some notes on yesterday’s match when your phone buzzed. You instantly jumped to grab it to see who it was, scolding yourself when you realised you were disappointed that it wasn’t Chris. Instead, it was your best friend back in LA, Tommi. 

Tommi: Hey how’s unpacking going?

Y/N: Done, free to videochat?

Tommi: Yes! I need to vent!

You chuckle as you close the tab playing yesterday's match on your laptop and start video calling Tommi. She picks up almost immediately, her hair dishevelled, tied up in a messy bun, a glass of wine in her hands. 

It was a sight that you knew very well, like you, Tommi grew up on the East Coast but down in New York instead of New England. The two of you had met at college when you ended up being roommates, the rest was pretty much history. You became fast friends and incredibly close you couldn’t believe you had gotten through life before her. She had moved to LA a couple of years before you and you were both so excited when you got the job at LA Lions. 

“Do I need wine or will beer do?” you ask holding up your bottle. 

“Beer will do” She nods taking a large sip of her wine. 

“What’s up wedding planning again?” you ask tilting your head sympathetically. 

Tommi lets out a long sigh “Yeah…”

“Didn’t you guys get a wedding planner to help with it all?” you ask with a small shake of your head. 

“We did and she’s great but it’s hard to make any decisions when Dan isn’t there to make the decisions with me, we were supposed to go cake tasting today but he had a work emergency” she pouts, her shoulder slumping. 

“That’s annoying, are you able to reschedule?” you ask with a sympathetic look. 

“Yeah but not for another couple of months! This bakery is so popular that it was near impossible to get the tasting appointment in the first place!” Tommi vents before taking another large sip of her wine. 

“Is there anything else you can get sorted sooner so you feel like you’re making progress?” you suggest.

Tommi sits back and tilts her head as she thinks “No not really” she sighs “Weddings suck, don’t ever do it” she adds making you laugh.

You knew she was joking, despite how much stress the planning was causing she was actually really excited. Tommi and Dan were the definition of love, you didn’t think you could find anyone more in love than the two of them. When you first met Dan you had been pretty sceptical, nobody could be good enough for your bestie, but Dan really was and it made you crave that sort of love.

Before you knew it you started picturing it, startling when you realised that you were picturing Chris. That was not a good idea at all. You needed a bucket of ice water stat.

“What’s that look on your face?” Tommi asks frowning at you, pulling you completely from your thoughts.

“Oh um, nothing” you say waving her off “Just trying to think of a solution for you” you lie.

Tommi’s eyes narrow as she leans in closer to her screen before gasping dramatically “You had sex!” she exclaims.

“What! No! No, I didn’t!” you stutter shaking your head, knowing Tommi would not approve of you jumping into someone’s bed so soon. Well, Chris did jump into your bed but you didn’t think she would accept that loophole. 

“Yes! Yes, you did! I can see that glow! It’s faded a bit but it’s there! Who! How!” she exclaims. 

“It was nothing just a one-night stand” you relent “I met him at the bar last night”

“The rugby bar?” Tommi questions her brow pinching together slightly “Was it a fan?”

Your silence as you tried to work out how best to answer the question gave her the answer she was after “Y/N” she said with a long sigh “Please tell me it was one of the opposition players”

You pause for a moment “It was one of the opposition players” you lie.

Tommi saw straight through you “Y/N… I love you… but…” she says drifting off at the end as she tries to work out how to kindly reprimand you. 

You knew exactly what she was thinking. You got yourself into the mess with Bryce because you slept with him. Who’s to say you won’t end up in the exact same mess again with Chris? There was a reason people say don’t shit where you eat. 

“I know, I know” you sigh “but he just- he seemed different, I felt safe in his company and he was nothing like Bryce” 

“He’s a rugby player, they’re all the same. Player is literally in the title” Tommi argues “What’s his name? I need to see if he gives off player vibes” 

You wanted to argue that they’re not but gave her Chris’ name anyway. You’ve met and worked with plenty of rugby players and not all of them were bad, there were some really sweet guys. Chris seemed to be one of the sweet ones. 

“Okay he’s hot I’ll give you that, and he seems nice but there’s that player look in his eyes, one that says he’s sexy and he knows it” Tommi says as she scrolls through photos of Chris on her phone.

“I needed to get back on the horse though, I don’t want what happened with Bryce to stop me from doing what I want” you argue. 

Tommi lets out another long sigh, you could understand her hesitance, she has never been the type of person who could do one-night stands. She just didn’t get them, she needed that emotional connection, whereas you could make do with just physical. She never judged you though and never criticised the fact that your list was much longer than hers. 

“Okay, I just worry about you that’s all, what Bryce did and what you went through was properly shitty and I don’t want you to go through that again especially now you’re thousands of miles away” She eventually sighs. 

You smirk “Don’t act like you wouldn’t jump on the first flight over” you say knowingly.

“I would, but the only reason I want to visit you is for happy reasons” she retorts. 

“Okay, that’s fair” you chuckle “But don’t worry it’s fine, it was just a one-time thing,” you say trying to sound convincing. 

Once again her eyes narrow “Why did that sound wrong? Like you were trying to convince yourself”

You let out a groan, you could never hide anything from Tommi. She had crazy mindreading and people-reading skills, which you guess helped her in her career in PR, but it was annoying when she put those skills to use on you. 

“Fine, I’m just struggling to get him out of my head because fuck the sex was so good, like best I’ve ever had, like the sex you talk about in those books you read” You relent. 

Tommi’s eyebrows rise slightly “That kind of sex doesn’t exist” she says. 

“It does trust me and it’s addicting and my brain is saying it's a one-time thing only but my body is just begging for more” you huff slumping back against the couch “like if Chris walked in right now I would jump his bones it was that good” 

Tommi sighs pursing her lips “I’m happy for you, everyone deserves good sex but listen to your head, you’re playing with fire if you sleep with him again. Right now you’re just remembering good sex, whose to say the next time with him won’t be shit. If you end it now you won’t have ruined it”

You nod your head slowly, what she said made sense, why risk tainting a good memory? While you weren’t drunk last night, there was definitely alcohol in your system, maybe you were more drunk than you realised and it was the alcohol making the sex seem better than it was. 

“Yeah you’re right, thanks Tommi” you sigh. 

“It’s nothing I’m glad I can still provide sound advice miles away” Tommi smiles warmly. 

“Me too and don’t worry about your wedding planning, if you need me to give Dan a kick up the ass I will, I’m sure it comes under maid of honour duties” you smirk making her laugh. 

“Thank you, the wedding is still ages away so we have time, i’m just stressing over nothing” Tommi sighs.

You nod in agreement “I think we’ve had a good vent session if I do say so myself” you smirk.

“Hear hear” Tommi cheers holding up her glass before drinking the rest of her wine, you laugh following her example by downing the rest of your beer. 

Chris let out a quiet groan as he climbed out of his car, his calf twinging in pain as he stood. He’d hoped that the recovery he had done yesterday would have been enough but he clearly overexerted himself on Saturday. 

A smile tugs at his lips when he thinks back to Saturday. He hadn’t expected his night to go like that but he doesn’t regret it at all, in fact, he could barely stop thinking about it. He was no stranger to hookups but none had been like that, none had lingered in his mind. 

He wondered if you felt the same way, he guessed so considering the text conversation the two of you had yesterday. That was until you just stopped replying halfway through the afternoon. He guessed, hoped that it was just because you were busy not because you decided to ghost him. 

Pulling out his phone he quickly checked it to see if he had just missed you texting him back but there was nothing. He considered shooting you another text but before he had the chance he heard someone shouting out his name. 

Glancing up he spotted Jensen walking across the parking lot towards him, quickly pocketing his phone, Chris locked his car and walked over towards Jake. 

“Hey man, get up to anything fun yesterday?” Chris greets him with a forearm handshake. 

“Downloaded this new game so was just playing that all day, what about you?” Jensen asks as the two of them walk towards the training centre. 

“Just watched back our game and watched the Knights game see what they’re playing like” Chris shrugs as he opens the door. 

“Man, do you ever take a day off?” Jensen exclaims shaking his head as he steps inside. 

“I can take a day off when we win the championship” Chris retorts knowing there was no way Jensen could argue with that. 

“Fair enough” Jensen shrugs “At least you came out with us on Saturday whereabouts did you get to anyway? No one saw you leave” he then asks.

Chris for a second considers saying he went home with someone but decides against it. It wasn't his team's business what he did and who he did. Chris liked his privacy, what he did in the bedroom stayed in the bedroom. 

“Just went home, sorry I didn’t say but I knew Storm would try and convince me to stay out,” Chris says nodding to the winger who looked like he was recovering from a 2-day hangover. 

Jensen snorts as he claps Chris on the shoulder “I don’t blame you” he chuckles as they join the rest of the team in the video playback room. 

Chris nods in agreement as he sits down. Looking around at the team he was glad it seemed to be only Johnny who was still suffering from a hangover, sat in the darkest corner of the room with his hoodie pulled up over his head. Everyone looked a little tired but it was a Monday so Chris couldn’t blame them. 

Finally, Coach Y/L/N and the rest of the coaching team walked, including Andy the assistant coach. Chris always felt a little pang of sympathy when he watched Andy coach, he’d been at the high of his career until a knee injury forced him to retire far earlier than any player wants to. 

“Right, how many of you have had a chance to review the game?” Coach Y/L/N asks as he plugs in his laptop. 

Almost all of the players in the room raise their hands, earning an approving hum from the coach. 

“And did any of you catch the knight's game?” he follows up, every hand going up this time, even Johnny who looked like the movement made the room spin. 

“They were awful, got an easy match next week” Ari smirks as he leans back in his chair. 

“Or they’ll attack harder next week” Andy warns “Never go into a match thinking it’ll be easy, you’ll get complacent and that's when the worse happens” the rest of the team hums in response taking his warning on board. 

“Barber is right, but before we jump into the game analysis there’s a couple of announcements” Coach Y/L/N says glancing at his watch with a sigh “She said she wouldn’t be late but… I'll get started anyway” he continues rolling his eyes “we have a new medic joining the team-”

At that exact moment the door to the video playback room opens, light streaming in which made Johnny hiss as it hit him directly in the eyes. When Chris’ eyes adjusted to the change in light they widened when he saw it was you standing in the door. What the hell were you doing here?

“Sorry, got a little lost” you apologise as you shut the door behind you and move towards Coach Y/L/N.

“So much for a good impression,” Coach Y/L/N smirks at you, earning a roll of the eyes, before he turns back towards the team “As I was saying we have a new medic, meet Y/N, she’s the best in the business even if I am a little biased”

Chris felt like his brain was short-circuiting, he wouldn't be surprised if sparks were flying from his head as his brain went into meltdown. Why were you here? Why did the coach talk to you like he was very familiar with you already?

“I’m sure you all will be very welcoming, but it’s my duty as a father to tell you all to keep it professional, Y/N is off-limits, that means no dating Storm” Coach Y/L/N warns pointing over to Johnny the known player on the team. 

Duty as a father? No way is Coach Y/L/N your dad, no way did Chris already break the off-limits rule.

“Dad” you complain quietly, glaring daggers at him, your face flushing. 

Fuck. 

Chris was dead. He was dead. He will never see his team lift that championship trophy because he was about to be killed by his coach. 

His gaze shifted to you to see you were completely avoiding his gaze. He let out a small scoff as he crossed his arms and looked down. You knew. You knew who he was and how your father would react and you said nothing. You invited him back to your apartment knowing it would paint a target on his back. 

Chris was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice you leave until the door shut behind you. Even with your departure, Chris couldn’t focus, he just sat there the entire session stewing, kicking himself for being so stupid. He barely participated, many of the insights he noticed during his re-watches went unsaid. All he could think about was getting out of here, tracking you down and asking WHAT THE FUCK!

He had to bide his time though as straight after the analysis session was a gym session. Chris hoped that maybe some exercise would help him work through some of his anger at the situation but he was not so lucky because you were observing the session alongside Andy. 

Chris watched you as he did bicep curls, his teeth gritted not just in exertion but in frustration. You were barely paying him any attention, you were instead focussing on Johnny who was doing some weighted run across the gym. You were acting like he didn’t exist and it pissed him off. But not as much as when Andy said something to make you laugh, your hand landing on his arm as you threw your head back laughing. 

He finally got your attention when he dropped his weights back on the floor, the sound of them hitting the ground reverberating around the gym. Your brows furrowed slightly as you studied him for a second, only to turn your attention back to Andy. 

That pissed Chris off even more so even though he knew his leg still hurt he decided to join Johnny and do some weighted runs. That definitely got your attention, he could feel your eyes on his back as he strapped the trolley around his waist and prepared for his first sprint. When he turned back around he saw you watching him intensely, your brows furrowed slightly. 

Chris ignored you though, gave you a taste of your own medicine, and began his first run. He instantly felt the twinge of pain in his calf but he pushed through, he just needed the loosen the muscle up that's all. When he was done he pushed the trolley back to the start ready to start again. 

He went a few more times before his leg completely went forcing him to hop and come to a stop. You were instantly over to him kneeling down as he sat down on the floor to massage his poor calf. 

“You okay?” you ask tilting your head.

“Fine, just cramp” Chris huffs standing back up before you could do anything “Already gone” he states as he turns around and walks off to go back to biceps curls. 

He tried to just focus on his workout and not you nor the pain in his leg but he did catch you watching him a bit more intensely now. A flash of satisfaction shoots through him knowing that but he quickly pushes that down. 

When the session came to an end Chris was making his way out but Andy stepped in his way “Hey your leg doesn’t look good, go down to the medic and get it strapped and properly stretched out” he told him.

“It's fine” Chris huffs.

“That wasn’t a request” Andy states, his gaze turning hard. 

Chris huffs before suddenly realising this was his opportunity to confront you and find out exactly what had gone down. He gives Andy a quick knock before making his way to the medical room making his arrival known with a short sharp knock.

“Come in” he heard you call out from inside. 

Walking in Chris saw you crouched down by one of the cupboards sorting through some of the supplies. You glanced over to see who it was, eyes widening slightly when you saw it was him. 

“Here for the leg?” you ask standing up and brushing off your hands. 

“Amongst other things” Chris states crossing his arms across his chest. 

You arch a brow at him and gesture towards the bed “Sit down and let me take a look” you tell him.

Chris lets out another huff but does as you tell him moving over to the bed and jumping up. 

“So what does it feel like?” you ask pulling on some gloves and moving over towards him. 

“Tight” Chris huffs.

You furrow your brows at him as if you were confused as to why he was pissed “Right well it doesn’t feel like you’ve done any serious damage” you say as you feel his calf muscle “Just need to do some stretches and maybe skip leg day” you add with a knowing look. 

“Fine” Chris mutters as he pushes himself up from the bed, brushing past you. 

“Hey, what’s up? You’re acting like a bit of a dick” you huff turning around to face him. 

“What’s up?” Chris scoffs “You know damn well what’s up”

“No I don’t!” you exclaim looking at him in disbelief and confusion. 

“You knew exactly who I was and didn’t feel the need to tell me who you were! Your dad is going to kill me if he finds out what we did!” Chris whispers harshly, not wanting to raise his voice and bring attention to this conversation. 

“What? I didn’t hide anything” you exclaim, your brows nearly disappearing into your hairline. 

“Yes, you did you hid who you were from me” Chris hisses.

You look at him bewildered “Well I’m sorry I didn’t announce who my dad was but it was pretty fucking obvious, I told you I was a medic and came from a rugby family, you would have known the Bears were looking for a new medic” you argue gesturing wildly with your arms “it takes two to tango”

“I wouldn’t have tango’ed if I’d known” Chris growls stepping closer and cornering you back against the wall. 

“Oh come on you’re being ridiculous!” you complain “We’re grown-ass adults! I don’t need Daddy’s permission to sleep with someone”  Chris’ nostrils flare as he tries to think of a response “If you wanna feel better about it my dad said no dating, I don’t know about you but I don’t consider sex to be a full-blown relationship” you point out “casual sex or… friends with benefits is still on the table” you continue your head tilting slightly as your gaze changed from irritated to turned on. 

That seems to snap Chris out of his stupor “No, this…” he says gesturing between the two of you “is over”

“What just because coach said so?” you huff before taking a deep breath “Look,” you say holding your hands up “Saturday night was the most… fun, I’ve had in a while and I feel pretty confident to say you found it fun too”

Chris’ jaw clenches as tries to deny it but can’t, only this morning he was considering calling you to schedule round two. But knowing who your dad was changed everything, yeah he shouldn’t let his coach stop him from doing what he wanted to do but he had the championship to worry about.

“So if you change your mind, you know where to find me” you say standing up tall “Don’t forget your stretches” you add patting his chest as you brushed passed him and walked out of the medical room. 

Chris blinked a couple of times as he watched you go, completely bewildered at the change in tone. He was still pissed but when he put his hands on his hips and looked down he saw the evidence of the other emotion he was feeling being so close to you. He stuffed his hands in his pockets to quickly readjust himself.

“Behave” he grumbled to himself as he walked back out of the room

Chris was so rilled up from training and his encounter with you that he felt close to bursting and needing a release. Exercising hadn’t helped, he couldn’t talk to his teammates about it. He considered talking to his mom about it but decided he needed someone with a bit more discretion. Frankly, he didn’t really want to talk about it either, he didn’t see how it would help, he just needed a distraction.

Hence why he was now standing outside his brother’s apartment building, repeatedly pressing the buzzer to get Scott’s attention.

“Alright, alright calm down” His brother’s voice finally came through over the intercom “Who is it?”

“It’s me” Chris huffs. 

“Sorry, I don’t know anyone named me” Scott replies making Chris groan in irritation, Scott knew exactly who he was and Chris wasn’t in the mood for games.

“Scott not now” Chris states his tone sharp.

“God what put you in a bad mood” Scott huffs, still not letting Chris into the building. 

“Right now, you” Chris grumbles “Now are you gonna let me in or not?” 

“What’s the magic word?” Scott asks in a singsongy tone.

“Scott” Chris growls in warning.

“Nope, incorrect,” Scott says. 

“Scott c’mon open up I’m not in the mood” Chris groans, hitting the buzzer again when he’s met with only silence “Scott!”

“What’s the magic word?” Scott asks again. 

Chris lets out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose “Please?” he’s met with silence again, silence that drags out long enough that Chris considers just giving up before he finally hears the sound of the door unlocking. 

“Finally” he mutters to himself as he pushes the door open and makes his way inside. 

When he reaches Scott’s floor, Scott is already standing waiting for him with his arms crossed “Bad training session?” he asks as Chris walks over.

“Something like that” Chris grumbles as they walk inside Scott’s apartment. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Scott asks as he closes the door behind them, Chris considers it for a moment before shaking his head “Right Beer and MarioKart it is then” Scott decides before walking towards the fridge. 

“Thanks” Chris says letting out a long sigh as he sits down on the couch and stretches out. 

For the next hour or so the Evans Brothers played race after race. It was pretty even who was winning which just made it get even more competitive, to the point where they decided to play Rainbow Road, the track neither of them were good at to crown the winner. 

It had been a good distraction up until that point, but every time Chris’ character fell off the track his mind would wander until it was near impossible not to talk about it.

“I slept with the Coach’s daughter” he finally announces. 

It catches Scott off guard so much so that he spits out his beer, and his character plummets from the track. Scott turns to face Chris, the race now completely forgotten. 

“You did what?” he blinks. 

“In my defence, I didn’t know who she was and she didn’t tell me either” Chris reasons.

“Damn, does the coach know?” Scott asks as he wipes the rest of the beer from his face. 

“No, but when he introduced her to the team he gave a pretty clear warning to stay away” Chris explains.

Scott’s brows furrow in confusion, his head tilting “Why would he introduce her? Isn’t that just asking for trouble?” he asks.

“Because she’s the new medic” Chris explains.

Scott’s lips form a small ‘o’ in understanding before a smirk grows on his lips “You still like her, don’t you? You want the forbidden fruit”

“No” Chris grumbled but even he could hear how unconvincing he sounded. 

“Okay, if she wasn’t the coach’s daughter would you want to sleep with her again?” Scott asks with a knowing look. 

“I mean yeah” Chris admits with a shrug of his shoulders “but she is so I can’t”

“What does she think about all this?” Scott then asks. 

“She doesn’t care, says he can’t stop her from doing what she wants” Chris answers shaking his head “And she pointing out that he said no dating, he didn’t say no hook-ups or anything casual”

“I mean she’s got a point, you’re both adults if you wanna sleep with her and she wants to sleep with you there’s no problem” Scott shrugs. 

Chris looks at his brother in disbelief, he thought Scott would be on his side “The problem is that we have a championship to win, I can’t let a girl mess with that by getting in my head” Chris argues.

“Sounds like she’s already in there” Scott mutters as he takes a sip of his beer. 

“Not anymore, me and her are over” Chris states “It was a mistake that I’m never repeating again no matter how good it was”

Scott quietly snorts shaking his head “Yeah you tell yourself that” 

That evening when Chris got home, despite talking to Scott and making the decision that he’d never sleep with you again, he still felt restless. He’d taken Dodger for a long walk to see if that helped, it didn’t. He actually managed to wear the poor pup out which was a feat. 

No matter what he tried he just couldn’t get you off his mind. What really didn’t help was doing the stretches he needed to do to get rid of the tightness in his leg. If he could he would just ignore the direction and let his leg heal on its own but he had to get himself match ready. 

When he was finally done he decided to go have a shower to cool off, he needed to get you off his mind. If he couldn't get you out of his head before the next game he would be screwed. He couldn’t be distracted, he needed to be at the top of his game and not make any mistakes. 

Stepping inside his shower he almost instantly turned the temperature down. He knew he should be using hot water to help his muscles relax but cold water felt much better right about now. 

Except for the fact, it wasn’t really working and when he glanced down he groaned when he saw his cock standing proud. He tried to ignore it and just focus on what he needed to do but it was growing impossible with every second. 

He just needed a release that’s all. It had absolutely nothing to do with you it was just a release. As long as he didn’t think about you it would be completely fine. 

He repeated that to himself as he wrapped his hand around his erection and started working his hand up and down. His eyes fluttered shut as a groan escaped his lips. Yes, this was exactly what he needed. 

As he continued to work himself his mind began to wander, picturing your hand around his cock instead. As soon as he realised what he was doing he stopped himself, shaking his head trying to rid that image from his mind but it only got stronger.

Before he knew it he was picturing you down on your knees, your lips wrapped around his cock. He let out a long moan bracing himself against the wall as he pictured you taking him down your throat, your hand cupping his balls. 

“Fuck” Chris groaned as he started pumping himself faster. 

His daydreams about you only got more vivid, all of his senses betraying him. He could have sworn he could feel your nails digging into the back of his thighs, the feel of your hair in his hands as he guided you. He could smell the scent of your arousal that just made him want to turn your around and fuck you from behind. He could hear your moans and feel the vibrations of them around his cock. 

“Ah shit” he curses as he finally came, his spend hitting the shower wall. 

His chest heaved as he came down from his high, his eyes screwed shut and presses his forehead against the cool tile. The image of you was still flashing in his mind, the way you’d lick up every last drop he gave you, the way you’d look up at him through your lashes with a playful smirk that guaranteed he’d be hard again in no time at all. 

Eventually, the image of you faded and Chris opened his eyes, finding him still alone in the shower. The ice-cold water stung his back. He let out a long sigh as he quickly cleaned himself up and stepped out of the shower. 

He caught sight of himself in the mirror as he wrapped a towel around his face. Even he could see the distracted look on his face. He’d found a release but he wasn’t ready to admit it wasn’t the one he’d been craving. It had taken the edge off but something was still lingering. 

He just prayed it would be enough and soon enough the craving would go entirely. 

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[moonlight-prose]

FOR THE LOVE OF DANGER

╰┈➤ #01: ONE LAST TIME

a/n: so i finally FINALLY saw the movie and even though it's really late since it came out, i'm happy to write for him at last. this is partial brain rot and a partially thought out plot that has been in the works for months. i'd heard of spidey 2099 before, but never thought i'd fall in love with him to this extent. this fic was also supposed to come out last month, but i'm always behind on everything. so i hope y'all enjoy this wild ride.

note: a massive huge fucking THANK YOU to @soulores for being the best beta reader a girl could have. seriously i couldn't have finished this without you.

dedicated to: @sunflowersteves for listening to me rant about how pretty he is and for being the first person to ever hear about this plot. thank you for being one of the best person here babes.

summary: when things go awry in your life you find yourself back at el nido - a comfort spot in the darker parts of the city - in need of peace. only to run into him.

word count: 8.5k+ (somehow???)

pairing: miguel o'hara x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, cussing, angst, alcohol consumption, one night stands, p in v sex, rough sex, cumeating if you squint, cumplay if you really really squint, my awful attempts at dirty talk, soft miguel, the start of chaos.

NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST

NUEVA YORK 2099; EARTH-298

Let’s do this one last time.

My name is Miguel O’Hara… and I’m scared.

You couldn’t breathe, the speed of your heart rate nearly caused you to believe you were going into cardiac arrest. Some small part of your brain wanted to actually check. It wasn’t hard to simply waltz right into the nearest hospital. Although dealing with the disbelief on doctors and nurses faces as you asked them to check if you were dying pushed you away from the idea altogether.

Another day at a job that didn’t allow you to have anything, left you seeking out the only thing you knew would help. An old dive bar still resided in the lower part of the city—The Nest, or as the owner called it El Nido—as local folk often referred to it. Although you were more than happy to call it a safe haven.

Everything was so pristine where you worked, so perfect. But The Nest was simply a small hole in the wall that helped people find a spot to feel safe for an hour or two. You tended to avoid going there on weekdays, but seeing as how you were about to be fired from your job…you felt it was necessary.

Sighing, you hitched your bag up higher on your shoulder, the weariness from the day finally settling its weight over you. What you wouldn’t give to be asleep right now, curled up in bed. Except you couldn’t go home. Not when all that remained was the dreaded time spent waiting for tomorrow. The day they would more than likely—officially—ask you to leave.

“Sorry,” you muttered, accidentally slamming into a woman walking hand in hand with her partner. The man glared at you, the gaze enough for you to quicken your step towards your destination.

The smell of the bar was exactly the same. Ricky always loved incense, and while you claimed it would drive customers away, he somehow made it work. Letting out a calming breath, you headed right towards your stool at the bar. The worn in leather a comfort after sitting in a stiff backed office chair all day. It was partially ripped and practically ruined, but you could already feel the stress melt off your body.

“Mi florita!” Ricky shouted, handing off a drink to an older man with white hair.

“Hey Ricky—oof—” He leaned across the bar, dragged you closer, and planted a sloppy kiss on your cheek. His breath was tinged with cinnamon and a hint of mint—letting you know he’d been drinking his favorite tea all day.

Nonetheless you smiled at his kind gesture. Ricky was like the cousin you had never had, but always wanted. Standing at around six feet with tattoos going up and down his tanned arms and his hair chopped into a mess of wild curls, he was your favorite person. The one you always sought out in times of trouble, if anything just to laugh. Unfortunately he couldn’t say the same for you. He loved his boyfriend too much to put you higher up on the scale—or so he claimed.

“How’s the job?” He poured you a martini, extra dry, extra dirty. “Are you playing nice with all the fancy folk?”

You chuckled, taking a sip and letting the alcohol burn its way down. “The fancy folk are slowly driving me insane.”

“Uh oh.”

Another sip caused yet another part of your stress to fade. “I don’t understand why it’s so hard for them to give me the same leniency they offer to other employees.” You sighed, dragging a hand down your face. “I mean it won’t matter anyways tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Ricky slid a drink to the person sitting a stool away from you, taking the small amount of cash he offered.

“The day I’m probably gonna get fired.”

“What?” he exclaimed, nearly causing the glass of whiskey in front of him to spill over.

You shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I can just…find a new place to work at. I mean there has to be other labs in need of a biochemist. Right?”

He hesitated, his eyes flickering to the bottle in his hands. “Florita…” Your stomach dropped, the severity of the situation finally dawning on you—turning your once rose hued glasses clear.

They were going to ask you to leave and because it was Alchemax, there was no other option but for you to beg for forgiveness. An act you had sworn to yourself that you’d never do. You were a good scientist. Hell you were the best in that fucking lab, yet they couldn’t see past the fact that you wanted to go your own way. To carve your own path in a company that was adamant on placing you in a box. Keeping you perfectly pristine for those on the outside—those that might wish to give you freedom.

Holding up your hand, you stopped him from saying anything else. If shit was meant to go sideways tomorrow, then so be it. You’d go out like a champion, worthy of whatever came next. Downing the remainder of your drink you slid the empty glass towards Ricky, nodding at him to fill it up. At least with that he didn’t hesitate, knowing you needed something to take the edge off—your night already taking a turn for the worst.

“Just gotta keep going,” you muttered, staring at the liquid in the hopes that it would magically fix everything.

“You got this chica.” Words that seemed empty at a time like this somehow brought a small smile to your lips.

Taking another sip you thanked him softly and watched him wander off to the other side of the bar, his eyes set on a group of men that were most likely there to buy out the bar. It happened every once in a while, but you couldn’t exactly fault them. They were here to have fun, to make an otherwise regular night memorable. They certainly weren’t here to wallow in their drinks, swallowing down their misery in the hopes of finding something good to take away.

“Shit,” you muttered when you came to the bottom of the glass again, your finger tracing the rim.

“Firing a biochemist is the stupidest thing a lab could do.”

You jumped when someone’s voice came from beside you—the man a stool away now focusing the entirety of his attention on you. Perhaps it was the vodka or the low neon lights of the bar, but you could have sworn his eyes were red. The color so striking it sent a chill down your spine—as if he was analyzing you with one simple glance. For a second you forgot he even said anything—too busy taking in his soft brown hair and strong jaw—until his lips quirked up into a grin.

One that made your heart flip in your chest, heat rising beneath your cheeks.

“Eavesdropping?” you inquired, gathering enough courage to confront him about his blatant behavior.

His lips pulled up on one side, something glimmering in his eyes that had you hooked the longer he looked at you. “Lo siento,” he said softly—his voice slightly mumbled. “Didn’t mean to. I just heard you talking about something that interests me.”

“Ah.” You glanced away to escape his penetrating stare, if for a chance to catch the breath in your lungs. “So you’re a scientist.”

Pride bloomed in your chest when he was caught off guard. His glass halfway to his mouth when the statement left your mouth. Once again that mysterious light flickered to life again, a soft chuckle leaving his lips and causing your heart to erratically beat in your chest. Taking a sip, he gently set the now empty glass back on the bar. The tension was so thick you swore you could slice it in half, heat spilling into your body.

“You’re observant.”

Shrugging, you took your own sip—the alcohol no longer burning your throat. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. What else from that conversation would interest you?”

“You.”

The words were out of his mouth before you could even finish the question, your breath catching at the sound of them. Your day had been shit. Enough to rival doomsday itself, but there you were sitting at a bar with him. A man who’s name you didn’t know. The smile spread across your lips before you could stop it, your eyes roving down his figure in an attempt to make him feel half of what he stirred in you.

“Let me buy you a drink?” you asked, pointing to his empty glass.

“I thought I was supposed to ask you that?”

Your smile widened. “Then ask me.”

For the second time that night he was caught off guard, his eyes widening slightly. The song behind you shifted, a low tune you could feel reverberating through you as he changed seats, taking the stool directly beside you. He moved silently, his thighs pressed tightly against yours as he got comfortable in the spot—his arm brushing yours.

The first thing you noticed was how warm he was—as if his body was a personal heater. But that was pushed out of your mind, replaced by the second thing. He looked at you clearly, hair falling onto his forehead slightly until you finally saw it. The actual color of his eyes. Crimson irises caught you in their hold, keeping you until he was satisfied—drinking you in, he trailed his gaze over the entirety of your body.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he murmured, his breath fanning across your face, body unconsciously leaning in.

You inhaled sharply, watching as his eyes lit up at your reaction to his proximity, his hand sliding closer until his fingers brushed against your wrist. Suddenly your shitty day was but a mere memory in the back of your mind. Entirely forgotten in favor of him. He was so large you swore he blocked everything else, filling your eyesight with nothing else but his frame. The breadth of his shoulders, the length of his torso and how he had to hunch over slightly to get close to you.

“What’s your name?” you inquired finally, your words breathy and dazed.

He grinned, hand curving around your wrist and pulling your hand towards him. “What’s yours?”

“I asked you first.”

Leaning in so close until you felt his chest brush your shoulder, his lips met your ear, sending chills down your spine. “Miguel,” he breathed, smiling at the way you practically melted into him.

For a brief moment you forgot you were sitting in the middle of a bar, people surrounding the two of you. When in fact it felt like nothing remained except you and him and the song playing behind you. Your exhale was shaky, representing the way you felt on the inside. As if he’d pulled you apart with a single word, his body heat affecting your brain—turning it to mush.

“Miguel…” Your hand curved around the front of his jacket, eyes meeting his as he moved, brushing his lips across your cheek.

“Hm?”

Something heady built in your chest, solidifying the truth you knew the second you started talking to him. You wouldn’t be leaving this bar alone. You simply hoped he was on the same page as you, but the way he hooked his arm around your waist, thighs bracketing your frame told you everything you needed to know. He was not only on the same page; he was flipping forward, reading a future that had yet to occur.

You almost wanted to ask him if he liked what he saw. If—by some odd chance—there was something more than this fiery electricity between the two of you.

“You still want that drink bebita?”

Words evaded you the longer he sat there, filling the space with nothing but him. How he smelled, how he sounded, fuck even the way his lips felt dragging against your skin as he spoke. You wanted to ask where he came from. How you’d never seen him in this bar before—your life now altered because of something so small. Simply a conversation. Yet now you couldn’t see yourself ending the night without him.

“No,” you sighed, shifting until your lips were a hairsbreadth from his. “You?”

He shook his head.

“I…” Your teeth dug into your bottom lip. “I don’t usually do this.”

Grinning, he raised your chin slightly with his knuckle, eyes catching you once more in their web, snaring you in a trap so saccharine you could taste it on your tongue. “Your pace.”

And with two simple words you were his. Captured happily in something you never wanted to be rid of. You smiled, your other hand sliding up into his hair, and finally the weight of your day lifted entirely off your shoulders. The question of whether or not he wanted to kiss you was on the tip of your tongue, but like before…he was miles ahead of you. With a small grin, he tipped your face towards his, catching your lips in a kiss you felt down to your fingertips.

He didn’t kiss you gently, languidly taking his time as if you were both here until the sun went up. No, that was nothing like what you expected. He devoured you. Stole every gasp, sound, and sigh you could have let out; his hand holding you exactly where he wanted you. Miguel kissed you like you were his only source of oxygen. And you let him. You bent to his will with ease, giving into every touch.

Whining softly, you tugged sharply on his hair when his tongue swept across your bottom lip. The taste of his drink now seeping into your mouth. You didn’t even question letting him in, desperate to know what he tasted like—what his tongue felt like licking deeply into you. Shivers ran down your spine when his hand gripped your hip tightly, pulling you closer until you sat on the very edge of the stool.

“Fuck,” he rumbled, pulling away and sliding his lips along your jaw.

“Oh…” Your breath was a sharp gasp when his fingers trailed down your throat, cupping it so quickly you could have sworn you imagined it. But the heat that spilled into your stomach told you otherwise.

His lips were heaven on your skin, nipping and licking until you were sure that certain spots would be tender tomorrow morning. You didn’t care. He could have sunk his teeth directly into your neck and you’d still ask for more. Somewhere in between talking and the tension, you lost any sense of worry. Those feelings went out the window the second he moved closer.

“I um—” Pushing at his chest, you reluctantly parted with the realization that you were still in public, and fucking against the bar would certainly make Ricky ban you for life. So he fell back, his lips swollen and spit slicked—pupils blown wide until the black began to bleed into the red. A swirl of brilliant color.

He smirked, taking in your disheveled appearance, all thanks to him. You had half a mind to drag him back to the bathroom, but the burning glare of Ricky was currently being seared into the side of your head. Without a doubt you knew it said: “You fuck in my bar you’re not coming back.” So you gathered whatever control you had over yourself and downed the remainder of your now tepid drink.

“My apartment is two blocks from here,” you began, exhaling a shaky breath as you finally took the leap for what you wanted. “We can be there in five minutes.”

Miguel nodded, yanking out his wallet and tossing down enough cash to cover not only his drinks, but yours as well. Which was your sign to grab your things. No words had to be said, because the intent was clear to the both of you. He was here to find the same relief you were—something to take his mind off of life for a little while.

Waving a quick goodbye towards Ricky, you followed Miguel out of the bar into the cool night air of the city. You were beneath the depths of the main part, where people didn’t necessarily travel to. But you’d grown up there. It remained a place where you still felt like you belonged. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. Not when the intentions for the night were clear to both of you. But that didn’t stop him from reaching down and slipping your hand into his, clasping your fingers together as you walked down the street.

Such a small act of tenderness—barely noticeable to anyone walking past—but meant so much more.

“What brought you to El Nido?” you asked, leading him down the street where your apartment building resided. It wasn’t a drastic question, but you couldn’t help your curiosity.

You were a scientist after all.

He shrugged, thumb running along your knuckles. “Needed a night out.”

“Let me guess…” You turned—walking backwards the best you could—regarding him with a suspicious expression. The small smile on his lips caused your heart to thump a little faster. “You’re getting fired tomorrow too?”

For the first time that night you heard him laugh. The sound, soft and low and by all means something you wanted to hear over and over again.

“No.” He took in a breath, his crimson eyes searching the dark streets for nothing in particular—the hair on the back of his neck suddenly standing up. “I’m…trying to figure out something.”

“A problem?”

He sighed. “You could say that.”

“Well I think—”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence, his arm jerking you forward until you fell into his chest, wrapped tightly to him as a horn echoed loudly behind you. A car sped past, turning rapidly onto the street and disappearing around the corner—leaving the both of you in silence. Your breath came in quickly, eyes wide as fear ran streaked your body, turning you cold. And Miguel watched after the car, his eyes narrowed and body tensed—as if he was ready to take off after them.

That is until he felt your hands press against his chest softly, drawing his attention back to you.

“T-Thank you,” you gasped, trying to calm the adrenaline that rushed through you.

There was no mistaking what would have happened if he hadn’t pulled you close; if his reflexes hadn’t kicked in so quickly. You wanted to ask him how he did it. How he knew the car was coming, but the words were trapped in the back of your throat. The shock had started to flood your system. His hand cupped your cheek, thumb running along your jaw in a soothing motion that seemed to slow the panic filtering through your body. You wondered if he even knew he was doing it—the touch yet another reflex to slow the racing of your heart.

To bring you back down to Earth.

“Okay?” he murmured, his eyes tracing the curve of your face, watching your eyelids flutter for a moment as you met his gaze once more.

You nodded, lightly gripping his wrist simply for the sake of comfort. “I’m okay.”

The night was no doubt effectively altered. Not necessarily ruined, but you couldn’t go on the way you were before. No teasing words, no light conversation. Instead you walked in silence. His hand clasped in yours and guard up in case of something else happening until you reached your place.

You were surprised to find that you enjoyed the silence while you walked. As if Miguel offered you a sense of safety and comfort you never had before; your body responding differently than you expected. Sure, you were attracted to him, but you couldn’t deny the pull you felt towards him when it came to this. To needing safety in the midst of possible danger.

“This is me,” you said, pulling out your key from your pocket—the hallway light dim and nearly extinguished. You had to remember to speak to the building manager about it tomorrow.

He grinned slightly, waiting patiently for the door to swing open with a soft creak as you entered. While you wouldn't call your small and rather overpriced apartment perfect, it felt more like a home than even he expected it to be. A small kitchen gave way into a bigger living room. Your record player was placed on top of an aged wooden table—piles of books stacked haphazardly through the place.

Miguel eyed the various plants you’d managed to keep alive—each of them pointed towards the one large window on the opposite wall. A place where sunlight no doubt streamed in on early mornings.

He originally believed it would look modern; more like the outside city and world as a whole. Yet your home resembled something old. A place that stood still against the ravages of time—as if it were merely a museum and he was there to admire its antiques.

“I know it’s not much.” You shifted a small pile of clean clothes off the chair, moving it towards an empty laundry basket in the hallway.

“It’s nice,” he said, and he actually meant it. “Es acogedor.”

You could see the truth in his eyes, the flicker of something familiar coming through the crimson. As if he’d known a life like this once. You wanted to ask him. See if he’d tell you more than just his name—perhaps why his eyes were that color—but you knew tonight wasn’t about making this more than it was. In reality you both needed this. No strings, no commitment. Merely two people looking to release themselves from the heaviness of the day.

He turned, catching you staring blatantly at him. “You want me to make you a drink?”

The question threw you off and your expression must have given you away—his lips curling into a grin. “I thought I was supposed to ask you that?”

Heat curled low in your stomach, spreading with every step he took until the tips of his shoes met yours. He bent down, hand curling around the nape of your neck, fingers digging in slightly. Chills spread down your spine, goosebumps rising along your arms, and for a brief moment you wanted to live in this. To remain oblivious to everything happening around you.

Everything except him.

He brought his lips closer, his breath washing across your cheek. “So ask me,” he breathed.

“Do you want me to—”

Cutting you off he dragged you closer, practically hauling you up to his chest as his lips covered yours. It sent your mind reeling, your hands digging into his hair as if on instinct. As if you knew exactly what he wanted. As if…you’d done this before. Something intoxicating built up in your body, turning your brain foggy when his hands slid down, cupping your ass and dragging a moan from your throat.

He met your sound with one of his own—a ragged grunt that came from low in his chest. The echo of it reverberating through your body. You knew what this was. What it wouldn’t become. Yet you couldn’t stop the longing in your heart—the yearning that refused to be locked away in your mind. You wondered what it would be like if this was more. Would it always feel this…electric?

Something pulled you together and you couldn’t determine what it was. Except at that moment you couldn’t even determine your own name.

His tongue swept in your mouth, shoving all your thoughts aside and bringing forth something new. A feeling so strong you found yourself grasping for him tighter, pulling him closer as he licked deeply into you—tasting the alcohol on your tongue.

“Bedroom,” you gasped, yanking on the strands of his hair and earning another delicious grunt.

“Donde—”

“Down the hall.”

Stumbling back you felt his hand hitch your leg over his hip, nearly dragging you with him. Yet you could hardly complain. You were pretty sure that if he let you go you’d go falling to the ground from his touch alone. He moved your head where he wanted, lips slotting over yours and spit nearly trailing down your chin. A rush of slick poured into your panties, your nails scratching along his scalp as he nearly hit the wall, pressing you against it and hitching your other leg up.

“Fuck.”

You tried to tell him that you needed more, that you wanted him inside of you, but all that came out was a breathy moan. His hips grinded into yours, a soft moan being pressed to the shell of your ear, and that alone nudged you towards something earth-shattering.

His lips slid back along yours, hands grasping for any skin he could reach as you practically shoved your hips against his. The desperation practically seeped into the air—permeating your tongue with its cloying flavor. Words were exchanged for moans, tender moments now shifting into something quicker and faster. You wanted to feel him against you as fast as humanly possible, but Miguel was eager to remain here. Holding you up against the wall and kissing you until you ran out of oxygen.

“So I take it that’s a no on the drink?” you breathed, smiling at the small frustrated sound echoed in the back of his throat.

“Cállate,” he grunted, hiking you up and grinning at the yelp that was muffled into his mouth.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you felt him begin to move—heading towards your bedroom. The door remained open from earlier and you thanked yourself for making sure to keep the place tidy before leaving for work today. Before you could detach yourself from him and lead him to your bed, he turned and sat down. Taking you with him until you were sprawled on his lap.

“Tú eres hermoso,” you mumbled against his lips, watching in delight as his expression shifted. Surprise spreading across his chiseled features.

“I’m supposed to say that to you,” he replied, a small grin playing on his lips.

You shrugged, pressing your lips to his jaw. “Guess we’re doing tonight backwards.”

He chuckled, sliding his hands beneath your shirt until it was clear that he wanted it off. You complied with ease. Allowing him to drop the fabric to the floor as his eyes fell to your chest, taking in the pretty lace of your bra. The crimson you’d come to admire darkened to something you’d call a burgundy—lust clouding his gaze. He wanted to take you apart. To see the inner workings of your body—your mind. Anything he could get his hands on. And you’d let him.

There was no doubt that Miguel had gotten beneath your skin in such a short amount of time. He filled your home with a feeling you hadn’t had before. Something tangible and real. Something you wanted to keep.

“Guapísima,” he murmured, hands cupping your breasts, thumbs brushing over the spot where your nipples poked through the fabric. A soft jolt rolled down your spine at the feeling.

Warmth clung to your chest, filling you to the brim with a sensation you’d only had once before in your life. Only this was different. This didn’t feel new or like you were just discovering it. No, this felt familiar. As if it had been hiding away in your heart, biding its time until you crossed his path—until you found one another. You wanted to wrap yourself in it, sink into its comfort, and you wondered if he felt it too.

The strange way all of this felt right.

Like coming home after being away for so long.

“Miguel,” you gasped when his mouth trailed down to your chest. The heat of his lips sticking to your already burning skin—his tongue trailing along the tops of your breasts.

He pulled down the fabric, taking your nipple into his mouth—practically lighting up on the inside when you cried out softly. Your hand dug into his hair, tugging on the strands as he scraped his teeth against you. Drawing out every sound he could find hidden in the depths of your chest. Your hips ground against him, clit pulsing with a need that would only be satiated by his touch.

For a moment you worried that he wouldn’t continue his path. That he’d ignore the way you were practically panting for him—the pleas falling from your lips with ease. But then his hand dipped beneath your waistband, fingers trailing along the edge of your panties. Your eyes nearly rolled back, hips canting up as you tried to get him to go further—to release you of this agony. But he held still. Entirely focused on driving you to the very brink of insanity; continuing the path with his teeth and tongue along your chest until the skin was tender.

“Impatient are we?” he mused, nose brushing against your jaw—the grin prominent in his voice.

You huffed, gripping tightly onto his hair and dragging his head up. “A tease are we?”

A moan ripped from his throat, his hips jolting up into yours at the slight sting of pain that bloomed in his head. His eyes were heavy, mouth parted as he took in a deep breath, and you could have sworn that you’d never see a prettier sight again. He looked at you as one would a statue in a museum. Tracing the curves and dips of your body with eyes that resembled the color of blood. Eyes that would never leave your mind again.

His tongue swept across his bottom lip, teeth protruding outwards slightly and you had half a mind to ask him about it. To question how exactly he had fangs, but your desire won out on the logical part of your mind. Leaning forward you licked your tongue along them, feeling how he shivered beneath your touch—how his body sang a tune you could match.

“Careful,” he rumbled, his hand pressing against your back and bringing you even closer. “I might bite.”

You smiled, sliding your palms beneath the collar of his shirt, the hot skin beneath warming your cold fingers instantly. “Sounds like a promise to me.”

“I’m not good with promises.” He let you pull his shirt up, raising his arms and helping where you couldn’t reach.

Even you couldn’t deny there was something so domestic about this. How he carefully shifted you so that you were now pressed into the mattress. His large frame looming over you—hair falling into his eyes as he looked down. It felt natural; the fluid movements were almost instinctive. Like your bodies knew what to do before you could even comprehend anything happening. You wanted to blame the alcohol—or hell perhaps it was the lust that was making you slightly lose it—but you saw it beneath the surface of his slightly guarded expression.

He felt it too.

Perhaps even more.

“Come here,” you breathed, cupping the back of his neck and bringing his lips back where they belonged—where they felt the most right.

You felt his hands fall to the waistband of your pants, popping open the button and you were quick to raise your hips, helping him push them down. There was a swiftness to his movements. Like he knew what you wanted before you did—something telling him that you were ready to keep going. But that would be scientifically impossible. No one could predict things that way. Yet you couldn’t help but go back to the color of his eyes—the fangs that now scraped along your throat and down your shoulder.

He seemed to be a scientific marvel. Something unknown.

“Your tur—oh—” Your head fell back, lips falling open when his hand dipped even lower, fingers sliding into your soaked panties.

A groan echoed in the room, his lips finding yours again as he gathered the slick that pooled at your entrance and dragged it back to your clit. Setting a slow and maddening pace that had you grasping for his shoulders. Your nails pricked the skin so hard you knew there would be marks later. He pressed down, sparks scorching your body, and grinned at your reaction. How your eyes squeezed shut, leg kicking out and hips pushing into his hand.

“So wet for me.” He sunk one finger into you, tearing a whine from your throat.

“Mig—” The breath caught in your lungs. “I want—fuck—please…”

He shushed you gently, lips sliding against yours messily as he worked you open, slipping another finger into you with ease. “I know amorcito. I’ve gotta open you up for me.”

Something pulled at your stomach, tightening slowly as he continued to pump his fingers into you—the wet squelch of your slick echoing in the room. You knew you were dripping down his hand, that he was able to slip in a third finger as he went. But that didn’t mean he would stop. No Miguel had become hooked on the sounds coming from your lips—the moans that you didn’t try to stifle. He curled his fingers and struck against the spongy part of your walls that made you practically curl up into him.

A surprised cry fell from your lips, eyes flying open to see his lips curl into a small grin, before he doubled down. Shifting the angle, he made sure to press the pads of his fingers in the same spot each time, his thumb swiping along your clit. And you felt that building pressure shift. It clawed its way up your throat, settling in your chest as he murmured soft words of praise.

“Dámelo,” he breathed against your lips. “Give it to me bebita.”

As if your body was following his request, you shattered. A choked cry of his name was swallowed by his kiss, his tongue licking deeply into your mouth—fingers rapidly moving to prolong your pleasure. It was too much, yet not enough. The hunger—the desire—screamed in your chest, begging for him to keep going, for this to be more than just one night. Yet you couldn’t speak.

You gulped in air, legs shaking when the pleasure slowly began to fade into a slight pain. But Miguel wasn’t done. He was far from it. Your heart pounded in your chest when he slipped his fingers into his mouth, moaning at the taste of your release—the shiny stickiness on his palm letting you know how wet you really were.

“Sabes deliciosa,” he murmured, pressing his tongue back into your mouth and sharing the taste of you.

Your hand fell to his pants, pulling at the buckle of his belt as he shifted—making room between your legs to lay over you. His hand pressing into the mattress above your head. The all encompassing feeling of him surrounded you; pressed you into the small haven he created with his body. Keeping you from the rest of the world as you lost yourselves in each other.

“Your belt is being difficult,” you huffed, head falling back against the pillow.

He laughed, opening it with ease and effectively earning a glare from you.

Miguel had to admit there was an ease to being around you. The weight he usually felt hanging atop his shoulders had been lifted—his mind suddenly clearer and mood better. He wanted to figure out why that was, but you were looking at him with a gaze that caused his heart to stutter. The urge to remain close to you seemed to overtake every other thought that ran through his mind. He rid himself of his pants, helping you pull down the lacy fabric—his lips sliding along your inner calf as he did so.

The light touch of your palm grasping on his hand brought his gaze back up—your small smirk rendering him speechless. Miguel had only been this way a few times in his life. All instances he could count on one hand, but this—you—were bringing out an emotion he would have rather kept locked away. Nervousness.

Leaning up on your elbows, you met him halfway, your arm going around his shoulders as he leaned down to kiss you. It was by all means…sweet. The passion remained, lingering beneath the surface and searing through your veins, but something else took over. A feeling he wanted to keep.

“Since we’re doing this backwards,” you whispered, brushing your lips against his and cupping his cheek.

Locking your leg around his hip, you used the leverage of his surprise to send him into the mattress, your hands falling to his chest as you perched yourself in his lap. Your lips formed around a smile when he grunted. The feeling of your bare pussy now spread along his cock—your slick dripping down and coating his length—was divine.

“Mierda.” His hands grasped your hips, grinding you forward a bit until the head of cock brushed your clit, ripping a gasp from your chest.

“F-fuck—” Your head fell forward, teeth digging into your lip.

“You’re gonna fuck me amorcito?” he asked, a flash of something dangerous echoing in his eyes. “Gonna ride me?”

You nodded, mouth falling open when he pressed against your entrance. Whatever comment you had died in the back of your throat when he began to sink into you—a slight sting of pain streaking up your spine as you took him slowly. He wasn’t kidding about needing to open you up, but still it was a stretch. A soft whisper of praise echoed in your ear, his thumb circling your clit to counteract the pain. Even still you dug your nails into his chest, no doubt leaving marks that would bruise later on.

“You can take it,” he murmured, thumb curling around your chin. “You can take it like a good girl.”

A whine caught in your throat, your hips canting down with each small thrust until you were seated in his lap again. His cock filling you completely—the stuffed sensation nearly too much for you. Miguel leaned up, catching your lips in a soft kiss; giving you time to adjust. Yet you felt the sharp need of desire work its way through your body, begging for you to keep going, to take everything he would give you.

“How do you feel?” He pulled at your bottom lip with his thumb, his other hand cupping your ass.

“F-Full,” you whimpered.

“Go ahead,” he said softly, allowing you to lift yourself off his cock slowly—slick coating him down to the coarse hair at his base.

The pace was lazy, barely even there, and he watched. His eyes tracked each movement you made, each time your hips shifted forward to change the angle. He burned the image of you fucking yourself on his cock into his brain—watching as you did exactly what you said you were going do. Ride him.

Scraping your nails down his stomach, you heard him groan, his hips thrusting up slightly and forcing a cry from your throat. You wanted more. Wanted to feel him fuck you into the mattress, but the familiar pressure was already forming again. Building in your stomach with each stunted thrust—the head of his cock brushing against the spot he’d found earlier.

“I’m—” Your head fell back, hips shifting forward to catch it perfectly—eyes squeezing shut. “‘M gonna—o-oh…”

“That’s it,” he rasped, guiding your hips and slamming you down onto him with a strength that made you sob, your hands grasping for any part of him you could reach. “Cum on my cock amorcito. Wanna see you—ah fuck—”

Your hips stuttered, eyes rolling back as the wave crashed over you, nearly pulling you under. A cry echoed in the room, your walls clamping down, and for a moment you felt nothing but bliss. You went blind with it, your body tipping forward into him as he continued to move you in short thrusts, dragging it on even more. Miguel grunted against your throat, sitting up fully and holding you close as you rode out your release, your body practically falling limp against him.

Eventually you felt yourself come back, your hands dragging through his hair as he placed kisses up and down your neck, arms tightening around you. Your legs barely worked, head still fuzzy with the intensity of your orgasm. But the desire still remained, stroking the fire slowly until it once again began to seep through your system. Warming your body.

He was still hard, throbbing against your fluttering walls. That alone caused you to moan softly, your hips shifting down and lips pressing against his jaw. 

“You didn’t finish,” you murmured, nails scraping against the back of his neck. The small goosebumps that appeared had a lazy smile curling on your lips.

He ached for that sweet release, wanted to flip you over and chase it, but he didn’t want to leave. At least not yet. There was something about taking his time with you that called to the part of him that had always wanted more. A part he’d crushed over and over again. Claiming it wasn’t necessary. There was no room in his life for that irritating emotion people referred to as love—no space in his heart.

Until a space began to slowly open up. He could barely find it, barely even see the small gash you’d made in the armor around his heart. But he’d discover it eventually.

“I want to see you cum,” you said softly, eyes glimmering with need.

“Bebita—”

Licking along his bottom lip you felt his cock twitch, his fingers digging into the flesh of your ass a little harder. “Want to feel it, Miguel. Need it.”

“Shit.” He felt the breath get punched from his lungs, your words sending a streak of heat down his spine. “Yeah? You want it that bad?”

You nodded, lifting yourself on shaky legs only to drop back down, impaling yourself on his cock. He spit out another broken curse, his head falling back briefly before you were tossed back—your body slamming against the mattress. You yelped, eyes going wide when he shifted over you, body covering yours in a way that had a haze settling in your mind. He grinned, fangs digging into his bottom lip as he spread your thighs—hooking them over his forearms and nearly bending you in half.

“All you had to do was ask,” he purred, guiding himself back into your dripping pussy and sinking in with ease.

Gasping, you clawed at his shoulders when he hit so much deeper, the angle changing everything. You wanted to shout his name, to tell him how good it felt, but he’d already started to pull back, shoving himself into you with a strength that sent you up the bed. A ragged sound was pulled from your chest, eyes rolling back when he brushed against that spot so much easier—grinding against it in a way that had your body going numb with pleasure.

“Look at you taking me so well,” he muttered, curling over your body and sending your knees up near your head.

“O-Oh…god!”

“Cosita linda.” His body was tense, teeth baring as he continued to pound into you at a pace that built your release so quick it burned through you. “Pretty fucking thing. Letting me fuck you like this. Perfecta—”

You cried out, nails breaking the skin of his back—leaving deep marks. Tears streamed down your temples, spit falling down your chin when he leaned in to kiss you. He was everywhere. His scent permeated your senses, taste now permanently etched on your tongue, and yet that still wasn’t enough. There was something about him that made you want to crack open your heart and give it to him. Offer yourself up entirely in the hopes he’d accept. He surrounded you, filled your entire being with nothing but him, and you loved it.

Your body went taut, eyes flying open to see him staring down where you were connected, how his cock disappeared into your leaking pussy.

He smiled, hands digging into your hips so tight it sparked a delicious pain when you sobbed incoherently. “I can feel you.” His breath stuttered when your walls clamped down—brows pulling tight and mouth falling open in a silent shout. “That’s it. C’mon—” He gasped, fingers falling to your aching clit and circling it quickly. “Cum on my fucking cock. Soak me.”

This time the release wasn’t built steadily to give you time to prepare. You could barely breathe, your lungs screaming for some small amount of air. Yet your body seemed to be solely focused on one thing. A broken shout of his name left your lips, echoing in the room, combining sinfully with the sound of skin against skin and your slick. His thumb found your clit, pinching it between his fingers and something in you broke.

It slammed into you unexpectedly, dragging out a loud keening wail—white flashing behind your tightly closed eyes as it rushed through you. Flooded every sense you had until all you could comprehend was him chasing his own release. He fucked into you with short stunted thrusts until he fell forward, his lips colliding with yours—a ragged cry being pressed into your mouth.

He spurted into your already dripping pussy, filling you deliciously and sending another flicker of warmth down to the tips of your fingers. His chest heaved, lips swollen and eyes dazed, and you wanted to solidify the sight in your mind. Except the reality of what this was would eventually come crashing back down. Reminding you that he was not yours to have. That you were simply two passing stars in a tangled web of this universe, meant to part ways.

He let your legs fall back to the bed, slipping out of you with a hiss before he flopped onto his back, dragging you with him. His cum dripped down your inner thigh, smearing against the skin. But for now you let it happen. Content to remain right there, feeling his chest rise and fall as he attempted to catch his breath. His fingers traced lightly along your spine, line after line until you realized what it was that he was drawing.

A web.

Or at least…that’s what it felt like.

“I don’t think I can move,” you mumbled, smiling into his skin when he laughed—the sound low and rough.

“That’s a good thing I hope,” he replied, glancing down at you—eyes tracing the curve of your hip and breast that pressed into his side.

You placed a kiss on his shoulder, hand splaying across his stomach. “Definitely.”

Silence enveloped the both of you like a comfortable blanket, filling the space with a soft feeling. It lulled you into a state of peace. Sleep nearly overtaking you. Yet you fought against it. Too busy taking in what he looked like—attempting to commit him to memory lest you never see him again. You wanted him burned into your brain, each memory tattooed into place permanently. But that’s not how life went.

This wasn’t a fairytale, and he wasn’t yours.

So you settled against his body, soaking in the warmth he emanated and allowed your eyes to flutter shut. His breath came in slower, arm curling around you as he fell asleep gradually—his heart a steady thrum in his chest. An echo that allowed sleep to drag you beneath the surface, giving way to something peaceful.

The loud angry beep of your alarm clock jolted you awake, your eyes flying open and body aching as you sat up quickly. There was a mess of blankets on your floor, obviously kicked off in the middle of the night. It seemed that with the heat of the outside world and his body, you were content to sleep with a thin sheet wrapped around you. Yet where you expected to find clothes left haphazardly around the room, you found nothing.

Your clothes that had been stripped off now lay in a pile on your chair, shoes placed by the end of your bed. Last night was clear to you now. The all consuming bliss, the way he had felt buried inside of you—how he had touched you. And while you understood it was merely a one night stand. You couldn’t stop the disappointment from seeping into your chest.

The sight of him completely erased from your apartment put a damper on an otherwise good morning.

Sighing, you swung yourself into a sitting position at the end of your bed. A throbbing headache began to spread along your skull. No doubt the cause of waking up too fast. Either that or the alcohol had actually decided to give you a bitch of a hangover. You’d have to figure that out later. The reminder of what the day held for you flickered bright and blaring in your mind—killing whatever joy you had left in your chest.

“Fuck,” you spit, dropping your head in your hands as you finally settled on one conclusion. You were about to be fired.

You had about an hour before you had to rush out the door. Giving you enough time to find out how to stop the delicious ache in between your thighs from going away. The echo of the outside world drifted up through your somehow open window and you raised your eyes, gazing at the spot where he had been only a few hours ago.

Only to catch sight of a glass of water placed on your nightstand—a ripped piece of paper beneath it. You practically lunged for it, hands carefully sliding the paper out and eyes tracing the messy scribble of what you assumed to be his writing. The message was short. Direct. It could barely even be considered sweet, but you saw the tenderness through the short sentence—the care in his action of leaving you with something to remember him by.

I had a lot of fun.

So we can do things the right way next time.

— Miguel

Beneath the message a phone number was scrawled, as if he’d been hesitant to even put it there in the first place. But it seemed that you weren’t the only one to feel that strange connection. That lingering sensation of familiarity whenever you thought about him. There was something to uncover between you. Perhaps the something more that you were aching for last night.

You had no clue.

Yet that didn’t stop you from grabbing your phone and inputting the numbers carefully. Glancing back at each one to make sure that the message wouldn’t disappear before your very eyes. You typed his name at the top, smiling at the contact before sticking a web right beside it. The memory of what he’d traced along your skin coming back to you.

A thrill of joy went through your body, lips pulling up into a wide smile as you pressed the button to send a text. While it may have been too soon—perhaps a bit fast if you were looking at it properly—the warmth in your chest won the battle in the end. 

How could something that felt this right be messed up with speed?

How could it go wrong?

[thehistoriangirl]

If You Hadn't Left (Me) [Chapter 1]

I thought I would start posting in the first of February but oh well better now than never lol

I'm gonna post the other fic's masterlist tomorrow I think :3

Viktor x Fem! Reader-----2.9K----SFW*

// M A S T E R L I S T

Next ->

Synopsis:Viktor was never supposed to see you again, just like you had promised that evening when you both ended up heartbroken and bitter toward destiny and all its twisted ways. So twisted as to put you back into his life not only as a temporal working partner to cover Jayce’s absences, but also as the maid of honor in the wedding where he’ll be the best man. Hypothetically, it doesn’t have to be that difficult to find a way around the river of memories flowing between you both. Though, of course, hypotheses are flawed. Just like that part of him that still craves another ending to this story. 

Tags: Second Chance | Angst | Exes to Lovers | Denial of Feelings | Viktor's horny down memory lane* | Reader is pissed | My man is going thru the stages of grief | MelJay bc Jayce deserves to be happy | Eventual Smut | Eventual Happy Ending |

Taglist c: @ihopeinevergetsoberr @blissfulip

That goodbye became a broken promise, cracked over the sound of your voice ever since he heard it at the Council assembly.

Sure, you had spat out the words fueled by betrayal and hatred, but Viktor took them like an oath to put in peace his stormy mind.

First coated in a lie so fragile Viktor was surprised it hadn’t fragmented before, and now this—he was sure he shouldn’t take another glass of wine from the walking waiters zigzagging across the opulent hall—but he had avoided you all night, and he knew Jayce wouldn’t let him go before arranging the “formal meeting” between both of you.

If only he knew...

We congratulate Miss Favred for winning the design contest for the new hall construction inside the Museum of Sciences and Technologies. Graduated from Piltover’s Academy with honors, you're the proof that progress and art are held hand in hand in this city.

Almost the same speech Heimerdinger delivered during your graduation ceremony, only that this time you were all alone on the stage, Viktor's hand grabbing his cane to not feel the growing sensation of emptiness.

Part of him thought it was mere shock. After all, you haven't seen each other in almost ten years; and a petty part of him was surprised he even remembered you, how the image of you was locked in the depths of his subconsciousness that only needed the ring of your greeting to resurface.

But now? Hours after the reencounter? He was so, so weak…

With a sigh, Viktor finally admitted it: stealing glimpses of your purple dress flowing against the gentle breeze was a weakness, though if the excuse lay in masochist interest or avid curiosity, Viktor wasn’t ready to clear his mind. Why would he, anyway? It was a couple of wine glasses too late.

Funny how some things defied the City of Progress where everyone was eagerly grasping the tomorrow.

Viktor just felt stuck in the past, down a path he wasn’t so sure how to slip through.

Your hair was the same, richly stylized and decorated with a geometrical headpiece that looked like a crown from Viktor’s angle. Your time in Shurima had replaced the Piltovan style built by several layers of clothes like vests and corsets for simple, airy fabrics that played with transparencies. The deep shade of violet pooled in continuous drapes ironed in the long skirt falling freely around your hips and down your legs, a gold-threaded corset hugged your waist and framed your bosom, the fabric slowly fading into a lavender tone held like loose sleeves with golden bracelets.

You were covering your mouth while your eyes closed in amused crinkles for whatever the young merchant Mauriel Garfen was telling you as his expert hand twirled you around the ballroom. It didn’t matter much, as Viktor could paint it just fine: with the vivid dark pink adorning your lips, though he knew your favorite color was more of a burnt brown, or maybe even red—

"That's enough for today," Viktor mumbled, eyes looking intently at the crimson liquid as he swirled the stem around his fingers before settling it down against the nearby windowsill.

Suddenly, he heard your happy squeal as you went to hug another young woman dressed in a vivid teal, halter dress. Her curly black hair bounced as you two swayed. Viktor didn’t remember her vividly, but she had been one of your friends ever since your undergraduate years.

If only… Though he knew he didn’t have any right to be greeted as warmly. If even he had any right to be greeted at all. Only because you had returned. Because of course, you did.  Once you had told him that despite the high number of students inside the Academy, you'd find each other in one way or another.

“No, not like fate,” you have told him, voice groggy with slumber as you laid against his chest, hands pointing at his dorm's ceiling where she had stuck luminescence cut-outs of stars. "Entropy."

You were right, from all his perfectly calculated plans tumbling into a state of chaos, one he surprisingly wasn’t against.

Until he was.

Garfen twirled the both of you, giggles bubbling like the nearby tray of drinks a waiter was carrying toward the Councilors discussing on a corner of the hall.

You looked like that photograph he kept in the bottom drawer of his tattered closet, only that the sepia tones eating it away had been repaired with the tone of your skin, the void he left behind replaced with you looking like a fairy queen with your golden crown and dashing company.

Someone more fitting. But Viktor was now the co-creator of Hextech, wasn’t that enough?

His fingers tangled around the glass’ steam, barely feeling the hot sensation of the alcohol down his throat as he gulped it all.

You’re so pathetic, Viktor. Get over it. Why haven’t you done that already?

“Vik! There you are!” He almost dropped the glass with the impromptu voice of Jayce chiming in his roaming thoughts. “I’ve been looking for you all night.”

"You know I'm not… eh, akin to this kind of party," he said, only half a lie. He'd been hiding inside a balcony and then, when Jayce passed by, Viktor slipped between a corner and a column. Now, he'd been too distracted to notice. "I've been unwinding."

“For a moment I thought you were already gone!” He patted his shoulder. “I’ve wanted to introduce you to Miss Favred since morning, but I suppose you had duties to take care of after the meeting.” He had bolted out of there as soon as Councilor Medarda called the session off.

His jar tightened, just as the grasp on his formal cane, naked metal replaced by a coat of black marble and polished wood on its handle. “Jayce, I don’t think this idea about the Hextech Wing would be… good,” he started, pouring in all the thoughts that had flown inside his head ever since the morning meeting. “This isn’t what I imagined when you told me we would celebrate the first decade of Hextech’s creation.”

“Viktor—”

“No, listen to me,” he replied, almost through gritted teeth. How pitiless of him he couldn’t even manage his feelings in public. “We want to help people in need, not to gloat about a fancy exhibit at the Science and Technology Museum. This is just another excuse for the Council to gloat about their grandness. What would the exhibit do for the people who believe in us, hmm? For us as scientists, even? Are you listening to me?” His friend had shifted to his embarrassed posture, where his tall body was trying to shrink into a ball, with hands tightly grabbed against his stomach, gazing at the floor. "Jayce—?"

“We’ve arranged that part of the Museum’s entrance fee is going to be destined to fund upcoming Hextech projects. That way you won’t need as many sponsorships,” Mel interjected behind him. Viktor turned to look at the Councilor, frozen to see the figure tailing close behind. “I believe we talked about it in the past meeting.”

Surely. Not that he would admit he had been too distracted by the nervous movements of your hands gesturing away to explain your design to oblige his mind to follow the Councilor’s debate sprinkled in between.

“Perhaps what he’s referring to is about how much time will it take to seize a positive quantity to fund a project,” you said to save his embarrassing stunned silence, poking your head from behind Jayce’s wide back. Your eyebrows arched slightly, head tilted toward Viktor.

The movement is so familiar from when you helped him through the boring, long seminars with haughty professors and even mouthier classmates. A head tilt and a slow gaze once you had laid the counterargument, ready for him to lock the possibility of a reply with his conclusion.

“I… That wasn’t what I meant,” he said, surprised by his cold tone.

You blinked at him for a moment, a frown slightly forming between your beautiful eyes. He didn’t dare to back out from it, he didn’t have a reason why.

Jayce cleared his throat. “Um… well, Vik, this is Miss Favred, she’s going to be the designer of the Museum ampliation…” He said, and you stepped next to Jayce, lips in a neutral yet mocking smile, with the curves of your lips turned up.

“It’s been quite some time, Miss Favred,” Viktor mustered, a smile plastering on his mouth that was too wide and toothy to be considered polite.

“Likewise, Viktor,” you said, tone sweetly as you extended your hand toward him.

Viktor almost wanted to yank it away once he felt a surge of electricity tingling up his arm once your long and elegant fingers wrapped the reverse of his palm. You giggled, nails digging into his skin with discreet violence.

His lips pressed in a thin line that couldn’t be faked as a smile even as he continued shaking your hand for a minute too long, wanting your eyes to decode the hidden message in his. What are you doing here?

“Oh, do you know each other?” Mel said after calling your name, which made you yank your hand away from his grasp.

“We were acquaintances at the Academy,” you said, gesturing away.

Classmates, the word slipped with an acid aftertaste when Viktor tried to back you up. "Very close classmates." Because of course, this was the perfect time for his brain to break under pressure. Yes, so close you slept against his chest every other night, so, so close that he even burrowed inside of you—

Mel turned to you, with an almost accusatory air. “What a surprise!”

“That was many years ago.” Your gaze swept from Mel’s to his, if only for a second. “I had forgotten about it.”

Oh, so that’s how you wanted to play?

"Well, I'm glad you two can reconnect after so many years!" Jayce said a big grin on his face. The sweet oblivious Jayce. “It’ll be good for Vik to have another friend! It’s… slightly difficult for him to open up and get new ones.”

Viktor glared at him. “Why are you talking about me as if I weren’t here?” he replied, while you mumbled:

“I wonder why that is.”

His head turned toward you in a movement so quick that some of his pushed backward-styled hair fell over his forehead. "Pardon?"

You smiled at him. “I didn’t say anything.”

Oh, you—

"Why don't we leave you two to talk?" Mel said, ignoring the pleading look you sent her when Jayce nodded, saying that there must be a lot to tell between the both of you. “Councilor Talis, let’s go for another drink. There’s something I need to talk about with you.” Probably about the wedding. Not that Viktor was interested in the matter when he had you in front of him. 

From all the stolen glances, he had pieced you whole like a puzzle, filling in the missing pieces eaten away by time with the new image, though he knew some things wouldn't change. Like the way you smelled like hyacinth and mangoes, your favorite fruit. All that freckles and moles and scars dotted around your body like those two small ones peeking over the square neckline on the left of your collarbone, which he knew balanced out with the two tiny moles under your right breast.

Surely your skin was just as heavenly soft as back then despite the occasional roughness of your fingers from working so much. Your palms were always warm against his cold fingers during winter. 

“Viktor," you called him. And he frowned to conceal what he had been thinking all the damn night.

“What?”

 “Why don’t we strike a deal?” you said, arms crossed, disrupting what would have been his doom if he continued.

“Do I look like someone that would strike a deal with a devil, Miss Favred?” Viktor said, arching an eyebrow almost in a flirty way. Just amused enough to push you to the edge of your years-trained composure. You certainly played the part, with all the allure and the deep gaze of your eyes.

“I suppose this must be awkward for you, too.”

“It isn’t awkward for me,” he lied. “You should worry about your work instead.”

“So ready for me to leave?” You chuckled. “I think you should know that I applied to this contest because I need the spotless curriculum if I want to be the new Interior Design teacher at the Architecture Faculty.”

“You’re just trying to annoy me. You said you would leave and never return.” Better put, Viktor cornered you to say so, but he wasn’t going to let his mouth run free.

"And you said we were going to get married," you replied, and Viktor felt himself trip backward if it weren’t for the support of his cane. “So I guess we’re even.”

Viktor stood there, stunned golden eyes wide open. He started calling your name, but you had your hand raised.

“You’re right, my bad. That was unnecessary.” Your hand arranged a loose lock of hair poking your cheek. “Anyhow, I’m not going to mention anything about the… past. So you don’t have to worry about me running out my tongue—despite how close classmates we’ve been.”

“Now you’re just being…” improperly brash, dangerously cheeky. Almost as if you’d been pushing him over the edge of his decorum to see if he’d cornered you against a wall to seal your endless rebukes with a kiss. Or many. “…insufferable.”

"Don't worry." You waved away. "I'll finish my job as fast as humanely possible, and then we won't have to see each other again. Because I know you aren't fond of assisting the Progress Day's party."

He crossed his arms, letting the handle of his cane hook on the curve of his elbow. "I'm not sorry to disappoint you—but I'm very fond of Progress Days. I've changed," Viktor said, but it was only a half-truth. He wasn't sure how he could change a feeling that lay hidden deep inside, frozen in time instead of giving them a real burial. You only had to dig to start seeing the uneven silhouette of the memory boxes where nothing should be more than black earth.

“Anyway,” you replied, your tone bleeding with sarcasm. “That’s my peace treaty. I know Mel and Jayce will feel awkward if they ever discover that they’ve arranged old flames as partners, so let’s just forget it. I assure you it’s nothing that could endanger the quality of this project.”

Let’s just forget it. You were right, as you had always been, and yet…

I've already forgotten you, Viktor, you said inside his mind, a smile that once had left him breathless now hurting him in the unspoken truth that now you were better without him.

Of course, you were better without him.

Yet, Viktor couldn’t help but seek your left hand accommodating the deep V line of your dress for the poignant sight of a band on your finger.

“I’m not a passionate teenager, Miss Favred," he said, his tone devoid of any warmth. "I assure you I'm not interested in dwelling in the past. So rest assured, I won't embarrass you." It was totally unconscious that his voice dripped with contempt.

You curled your upper lip. “You’re such a fusspot, always the victim.”

Viktor inhaled sharply. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” you spat, taking your skirt with your fists as you were ready to stalk away.

The parallels made his heart squeeze in a painful grip. Was history about to repeat itself?

Before his brain could recollect the action, Viktor had called your name, hand extended open as if wanting to touch you. “Wait—” As if he had something to tell you.

You ignored him, stopping when Jayce approached you both from the complete opposite direction Mel and he had gone at first. Also, you couldn't point out if the dark marks of brown smeared on his face were just a plaything of the lightning or marks of kisses.

“Are you leaving so soon?” Jayce told you, hand over your shoulder.

“Yes,” you told him with a smile, completely ignoring Viktor. “My feet hurt and I’m afraid I haven’t recovered my sleep schedule since my return.”

"Well, maybe Viktor can walk you home?" he offered. "For what Mel told me, you live near his apartment." Not that he had moved a lot since you left, but seeing the surprise in your eyes felt like a little victory.

“No,” Viktor and you said at the same time.

“I mean—,” you started.

“I want to stay a little longer,” Viktor said. "As I should be open to enjoying these celebrations more. Hextech anniversary only arrives once a year!" He tried to laugh, but Jayce looked at him with such a concerned frown it was hard to keep his act. Your contained snort wasn't helping.

“Vik… I think you’ve had far too many drinks.”

He glared at Jayce for what felt like the thousandth time. "I'm fine, Jayce—”

"Well, goodbye!" you chirped, getting on your tippy toes to kiss Jayce's cheek, and then, forcefully, approach Viktor and give him a goodbye kiss, too. More like a rude smack, with how forceful you were.

"Tomorrow, eight sharp," Jayce told you, poking your side with his elbow. "Viktor doesn't like it when I arrive late."

“I can’t wait,” you beamed, eyes boring into Viktor’s. As if daring him to say something.

"Me either," Viktor lied.

If you wanna get into the taglist lemme a comment below! 🤗

[harley-sunday]

Feels Like Home [01]

Summary: When an unexpected three-week break between Monza and Singapore finds Daniel back on his farm in Perth he’s desperate to use this time to clear his mind, figure out his future in Formula One, and find his way back. He didn’t expect a new neighbour, a sassy two-year old, and three alpacas would make him realise that sometimes, what you’re looking for is right in front of you.

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language

Word count: 2.7k

AN: Yes. Hi. Hello. Believe it or not but I started writing this fic because I desperately needed some good guy!Daniel being cute with kids in my life. The idea was just a short one shot. Ha. Who was I kidding? Because here we are, six months and nine chapters later... I really hope you like it, please come yell at me in the comments, on anon, or in my DMs about any and all things about this story you want to yell at me about. I probably deserve it. ♥

Masterlist

There’s something about being here, on his farm outside of Perth, that he doesn’t experience anywhere else in the world. Not in Monaco, not in Los Angeles, not even in Austin, or Montana. 

Because here- Here, he doesn’t have to be Daniel Ricciardo, Danny Ric, DR, or the Honey Badger. He doesn’t have to be a Formula One driver, an eight-time race winner, the most beloved driver on the grid, and the fan favourite. He doesn’t have to be Red Bull’s wild card, Renault’s saviour, or, most recently, McLaren’s scapegoat. Here, he is Daniel. And it’s enough. 

Or, at least, it used to be.

Lately, there's been a yearning in his heart that he's unfamiliar with. Or he pretends to be anyway because he’s not ready to put it into words yet, not ready to speak into existence what he really wants from life. Afraid he'll jinx it if he does. 

And so he keeps it to himself and lets his heart ache for something more in silence while the life he does know slowly keeps on falling apart around him.

***

Daniel rests his wrists on the handlebar of his dirt bike and lets out a breath he seems to have been holding in ever since he retired on lap forty-five of the Monza Grand Prix four days ago. Looking out over the valley below, he feels more grounded than he has in a long time and he hopes that the next two weeks will give him the peace he so desperately needs after the shitshow that has been his season so far. 

The sun’s already low in the sky, casting a golden glow over the somewhat still barren trees and shrubs even though he can tell winter is slowly coming to an end from the sprouts of green that have started to grace the landscape with their presence. There’s a kookaburra laughing somewhere in the distance and he takes it as his cue to fire up his engine again for one last run around his dirt track before it gets too dark. 

He knows technically he isn’t supposed to ride his bike during the season, knows technically McLaren could issue him a hefty fine for breaching his contract, but if they ever were to find out he figures they can just take it out of the settlement they’re due to pay him at the end of the year. He’s promised Zak he’ll do whatever it takes to score as many points as possible in the last six races but he also decided early on that he’s no longer going to let the team dictate what he can or cannot do in his time away from the track. 

There’s a meeting tomorrow, with Blake and Michael, where they’ll try to figure out his future in Formula One. There have been a few offers, both from teams who want him as their second driver and from teams who want him to become their reserve driver, but he’s still undecided, not sure if he wants to settle for another midfield team or stay in Formula One without really being in Formula One. 

By the time he completes his lap his head is somewhat empty, too busy instead to focus on keeping his bike under control and not ending up in the dirt. It’s almost dark now and so he opens the throttle wide and guns it home, a race against an invisible clock that, unlike this past season in Formula One, he wins every single time.

Once his bike is safely back in the shed he makes his way over to the house, hosing his boots down before he takes them off at the back door and leaves them to dry on the shoe rack his Dad made for him when he bought the farm. He changes out of his gear in the mud room, making a face when he takes his socks off and catches a whiff of the smell but laughing then because he remembers them smelling so much worse after a race in, oh let’s say, Singapore. With nothing but his boxer shorts on he steps into the kitchen and heads straight for the fridge, taking out an ice cold bottle of water. The sigh of relief when he rolls it against the back of his neck almost obscene. It might be winter but temperatures in western Australia are still as high as a beautiful spring day in Monaco.

It’s then the intercom rings and for a moment he debates ignoring it, not sure if he’s up for telling yet another local journo looking to make it big by trying to get an interview with ‘shunned McLaren driver Daniel Ricciardo’ that now really isn’t a good time  and that any requests for interviews should be made through Blake anyway.  

Plus, he gave his family and friends the access code to the gate when it was first installed, so he doubts any of them are waiting for him to open it, not in the least because they know better than to just show up without a text or call in advance.  

In the end, his curiosity gets the better of him and so he walks over to where the control panel of his alarm system hangs in the living room and pushes the button needed to connect to whoever’s at the gate, “Hello?”

“Hi,” the screen comes on then, the black and white image showing a woman wearing a Stetson hat. She’s staring somewhere into the distance, her face obscured by the shadows the brim of her hat casts under the streetlight, but her voice comes through loud and clear, “Sorry to bother you this late-”

“It’s seven thirty,” he shoots back almost effortlessly.

“-but I wondered if I could maybe ask you to keep it down with the dirt biking a little?” 

“I’m sorry, what?”

She looks up and into the camera then, pushing her hat a little higher so he can finally see her eyes, “It’s just- We’ve got a flock of alpacas over in Eagle's Nest and they tend to get a little jittery from all the noise. Especially when they try to settle in for the night and-”

“I’m sorry,“ he can’t help but grin, running a hand through his hair, “but I’m going to need a little more context here.”

She laughs and he thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard and so he’s a little distracted but then he sees her taking her hat off, revealing her face and- Fuck. She’s gorgeous. He watches her as she shakes her head, a smile tugging on the corners of her lips, “Shit, sorry. I probably should have given you a bit more to go on.” Putting her hat back on she straightens up and points to somewhere over her shoulder, “Your neighbour on that side, Oscar Linton? He’s my granddad. I think you know him, right?”

“Old man Linton!” He smiles and nods, “Of course I do.” When he first bought the farm he made sure to introduce himself to his neighbours and while he likes to think he has a good relationship with all three of them he’s always had a soft spot for the elderly man further up the road. So much so that he always makes sure to drop by for a chat whenever he finds himself back in Perth. It’s then he connects the dots and recognises her from some of the pictures Oscar has up in his living room. All of a sudden he feels guilty for not going to see his neighbour yet even though he has been home for two days already but maybe he can do that tomorrow or-

“He fell a few days ago-” her voice pulls him out of his thoughts unintentionally and his guilt triples in a matter of seconds. There’s a sad smile tugging on her lips which makes him prepare for the worst. 

Surely they would have let him know if- He remembers the pile of unopened letters waiting for him on the kitchen counter then and curses quietly, “Shit.”

“He’s ok,” she’s quick to reassure him, as if she knows what he was thinking. “He spent a couple of nights in hospital and still has a long way to go but at least he’s home again.” She takes a deep breath, “They had to replace his hip and he’s got a broken wrist but,” she shrugs, “it could have been worse.” 

It’s then the absurdity of the situation hits him, with him in his boxers in his living room and her on the other end of his kilometre-long driveway, talking into a metallic box. He shakes his head and pushes the button that opens the gate automatically, “I think maybe we shouldn’t have this conversation over an intercom. I could make you a cup of coffee if you want? Or something stronger? I make a mean-”

She bites her lip and seems to hesitate.

“Just a quick cuppa. It’s the neighbourly thing to do, right?”

He sees her nod, “Yeah, ok.”

He can’t help the grin that spreads across his face, “Happy days.” 

***

The house is not at all how you expect it to be, much more modern and open-planned than any of the other farm houses in the area. The west-facing wall has been completely redone in glass panels, offering a stunning view of the valley and surrounding paddocks and you can’t help but admire the interior design of both the kitchen and the living room, which is masculine but still inviting. You wonder if he decorated the place himself or if he hired some interior designer to do it for him.

“Here you go,” Daniel, who told you ‘You can call me Dan’ when he greeted you at the door with a bright smile and an outstretched hand- offers you a cup of steaming hot coffee and motions for you to join him at the kitchen table. He’s wearing white sweatpants and a matching white sweater that look incredibly comfy and that make you want to wrap yourself around him and hang onto him like a koala bear. Wait. What? 

You take your hat off to try and keep from ogling him, placing  it on the chair next to you before you sit down and smile at him, “You know, all these years I thought you were called Danny Ric because that’s what Granddad keeps calling you. I’m not sure I can get used to Daniel.” 

Daniel laughs, the laughter lines in the corners of his eyes even more prominent now, “Trust the old man to keep that gag going.” He shakes his head then, “I can’t believe he fell though.”

“Yeah,” you agree quietly, blowing into your coffee. “We’re lucky Mrs Mackenzie found him when she did or-” You let out a ragged breath and see him nod, his eyes kind, and it makes you continue, “His hip was completely shattered and his wrist is broken in three places so it’s going to take a while before he’s up and running again- I mean, if his new hip ever heals completely- He’s already seventy-eight so-” You hear yourself starting to ramble and so you fold your hands around your cup and try to calm down a little. You’re not even sure why you’re even telling him all of this, but he’s a friend of your granddad and so you figure he’s good people. “Mum and Dad wanted to come back from New Zealand to help out but-” you look up at Daniel and shrug, “I spent a lot of time on the farm as a kid, right until I left for uni, so it made much more sense for me to move in with him for the time being.” 

“That’s a pretty big thing to do,” Daniel says with a kind smile, a warmth to his brown eyes that you can feel yourself get lost in. “You sure your family can miss you that long?”

You don’t really know what he’s getting at, whether he’s talking about your Mum and Dad or the husband and kids he thinks you might have left behind to come back to Mundaring, and you don’t really know you want to tell him your truth either, after all you’ve just met him, so in the end you shake your head and settle on an honest, “I’ve got everything I need right here.” 

He eyes you suspiciously but doesn’t push it and instead he says, “If you’d have me I’d love to come over to see him some time. I’m still here for almost another two weeks  and-” 

“I’m sure he’d like that,” you offer with a smile. “He always tells me what a nice bloke you are.”

Daniel leans back in his chair and grins, spreading his arms, “Can’t say I blame him. I’m the best.” 

“He says the same thing about the postie,” you tease with a casual shrug, “so don’t get too excited.” 

“Ouch,” Daniel brings a hand to his chest, “that hurts.” 

You pout, “So sad.” 

“Very,” Daniel agrees quietly, trying his best to keep a straight face. He puts his arms on the table then and leans forward, “Before you stomp on my ego some more, why don’t you tell me the real reason you’re here. What’s up with that eagle’s nest over in some paddock?”

“Oof,” you pull a face and shake your head, “you were so close.” You can’t help but laugh when you see him pretend to be hurt at your comment. You take a sip of coffee before you explain, pointing in the general direction of your paddock, “Your dirt track borders Eagle's Nest, the paddock Granddad uses for the alpacas in September and October, and I guess normally it isn’t a problem because you usually aren’t home during this time of year but I heard you yesterday and today and-”

“Yeah, we had an unexpected three-week break this year so I figured-” Daniel waves his hand around for you to continue then.

“It’s just, we have three pregnant females this year and- I don’t know if you’re at all familiar with alpacas?”

He shakes his head, “I didn’t even know you guys had alpacas. Your granddad and I just tend to talk shit about Mrs Mackenzie and them over a cuppa but I've never really asked him about the farm to be honest."

You throw him a look, knowing all too well your granddad doesn’t drink coffee.

He quickly backs down, “Fine, I drink coffee, he drinks tea.” 

“There you go,” you mouth with a wink. “Anyway, alpacas are basically scared of everything, even their own shadow, so you know, someone riding a dirt bike close by doesn’t really help with keeping them nice and calm during these last few weeks of their pregnancy.” 

“Gotcha.”

“They’re usually out on the other side of the paddock during the day, so anything until five in the afternoon is fine” you offer, not wanting to deprive him of his hobby completely, “but we have their feeders and the shed they can hide in during the night out over in your corner, so-”

“You’re giving me a five pm curfew, basically,” he says with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Just until the end of October.” You bite your lip, “I’m sorry, it’s just-”

“Nah, no worries,” Daniel puts his hand on your forearm and gives it a squeeze to let you know he means it. “I’d do anything for old Oscar.” Then, with a grin he adds, “And his girls.” 

You can’t help the heat that rises to your cheeks and try to hide it with a smile, “Thank you.”

He squeezes your arm again, “He’s gonna be fine by the way. He’s tough, that one.”

“Speaking of Granddad,” you risk a quick glance at your watch, letting you know it’s almost eight fifteen, “I should probably head back.” You push your chair back and grab your hat, putting it on as you tell Daniel, “Thank you for the coffee.”

“Anytime,” he says with a grin as he stands up as well, following you to the front door. “Tell him I’ll come by soon, ok?”

“Will do.” You turn around then and smile again, something about not getting your hopes up but doing so anyway when you ask, “I’ll see you around then?”

Daniel tips his imaginary hat, “Yes ma’am.” 

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-”

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-”

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

“I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” “I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

[cameronspecial]

Thorn In My Side, Rose In My Hand (Part 4)

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings:  Under Age Drinking, and Swearing

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 4.4K

Summary: Everyone in her life is finally back on the island and she finally has her date with Wilson. But what happens when things don’t go to plan and she starts questioning her feelings. 

A/N: This was way longer than I though it was going to end up being because it was honestly supposed to just be a filler chapter but I honeslty just couldn’t stop myself. 

Masterlist

Y/N and Wilson had been texting for a week before he finally asked her on a date for tomorrow night. She isn’t sure what he has planned, but he said the dress code is formal so maybe they are going to a fancy dinner. Not exactly her favourite idea, she could live with it though. Lacey returned back to the Outer Banks yesterday, so Y/N is going over to her house to cook brunch together. Even though Y/N and Mason picked Lacey up from the airport, the girls need some quality time together. Well, Lacey would do most of the cooking while Y/N snacks under the guise of quality testing and making smoothies for them. 

“I’m here,” Y/N sings as she waves the bag of smoothie mix she brought. Knocking is no longer in her vocabulary in regard to her best friend. “I missed you so much, Bitch! The men in Paris may be hot. But they got nothing on being with you,” Lacey screams as she blindsides Y/N with a hug. Y/N laughs and wraps her arms around the other girl, “I missed you too. But I literally saw you yesterday, babe.” “Yeah, but we spent so long a part for my month-long summer internship,” Lacey complains, “Let’s get cooking. Mama is hungry.”

Y/N moves toward the blender to begin mixing the smoothie blend. “So a little birdie told me that you and Rafe are actually starting to get along with each other,” Lacey teases her friend. 

“Yeah… He’s been acting like a totally different person lately. The teasing is mostly just verbal and he can actually be helpful.”

“Awwww, Y/N/N. It sounds like you have a crush on him. Should I start planning a wedding?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Plus, I met someone last weekend.” 

“Ohh, tell me about him.” 

“Well, he’s sweet, funny, likes to read, he really likes doc-”

Lacey interrupts her, “I don’t want those details. Show me a picture.” Y/N giggles and pulls up a picture on her phone to show her friend. Lacey also notices how similar Rafe and Wilson are but bites her tongue.

 “He’s totally cute, but he looks like he has a stick up his ass.” 

“LACE! He does not! Although, he doesn’t use contractions and goes to sleep at like 11 P.M., but I promise he is funny.”

 “Okay, but how is the sex?” 

"We haven’t gone on a date yet. We have our first date planned for tomorrow night.” 

Before the conversation could continue, the oven timer goes off and Lacey goes to take out the chocolate chip scones from the oven. “So what are the plans for tomorrow? Do you need help getting ready?” Y/N nods her head, “Yeah, could you help me curl my hair, please? He said to wear something fancy so I was thinking of wearing that black dress that I wore to my cousin’s wedding last year. You know the long one with a spaghetti strap kind of style.” “Ooh, you’d look so cute in that. I can definitely curl your hair. Maybe, I can braid it back like a little crown on your head,” Lacey gushes as she stirs the omelet in the pan. Y/N smiles at the girl and starts playing some music on her phone. 

Brunch is finished quickly and the girls settle in the breakfast nook to eat. “So let’s get back to the topic of Rafe Cameron because we both know you haven’t told me everything, bitch,” Lacey bugs with a shove of Y/N’s shoulder with hers. The slight blush on Y/N’s cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed by Lacey. “There isn’t much to say. I mean…” Y/N stops not wanting to admit what she felt last week after having lunch with Rafe, Mason, and Wilson. “Girl, you better continue or else I’m gonna make you cook for us next time,” Lacey warns as she knows where her friend is going. “Fine, last week, after I had lunch with the boys and Wilson, I thought maybe… Maybe Rafe and I were going to kiss.” Lacey beams with excitement at this revelation. “No way! What happened?” “Kie and I jumped into the pool to sink the guys and… when it was just Rafe and me, he teased me about always getting him wet. He took my hand and we got closer, but I got a text from Wilson before it went any further,” Y/N wouldn’t admit it but even she could hear the slight disappointment in her voice. 

“You totally should’ve let him kiss you!”

“No, it was a mistake for us to even have gotten that close. He may be sweet today, but it doesn’t mean I can just forget about him being a jackass. Plus, he is Mace’s best friend. It would be awkward.”

“That’s true, but I’ve always thought there was something between you and Rafe. And I think if you guys really like each other, Mace will accept that and be happy for you.” 

“Maybe. Let’s not talk about this anymore. I have a date with someone else tomorrow anyways.”

———

“So how many parties did you throw and drag your sister to, Mason?” Cassie questions while she sits in her newly claimed passenger seat. Mason groans, “I was only able to convince her to let me throw one and even that was cut short. Not that it was your fault Y/N/N.” Mr. And Mrs. Y/L/N didn’t mind their children throwing parties as long as the police didn’t show up, everyone had a designated driver and nothing was broken. They’d rather be realistic about their children’s activities and ensure they do it safely. 

“Why? What happened?” Marvin looks up at his twins through the back mirror. “Owen was being an asshole when I went out to the gazebo. Rafe and Mace found me before anything serious could happen. Although I did punch him for insulting them, so I might need your help untangling that web.” Marvin shakes his head with a light chuckle, “Like that knucklehead’s lawyers can beat the Y/L/Ns. I swear that idiot’s parents were just as bad as he was when I was in high school.” “How was Bali?” Mason asks. “Amazing. You guys would love the beaches, we’ll have to go back with you guys sometime,” Cassie gushes to her children. “That’s a great idea, my love. Just, kids, remind me to put sunscreen on. I fell asleep on the first day when your mom was at pilates, I woke up three hours later as red as a lobster,” Marvin chimes in. This causes the whole car to laugh. 

———

Y/N is getting ready for her date with Wilson. She does her makeup while Lacey lightly curls her hair and braids the front pieces back to create a crown. “Has he given you any hints about where you are going?” Lacey inquires, returning to sit in the bed after finishing Y/N’s hair. Y/N pauses with her makeup sponge in hand and turns towards her, “Nope. If it’s just dinner, it should be fine.” 

“It’s basic though. You hate those types of dates. You need more excitement.” 

“Yeah, but at least it’s not like dumpster diving.” 

“I mean he could still do that. Maybe he just wanted it to be fancy.”

“Oh my god, could you imagine?”

Both girls fall into hysterics at the notion, which catches the attention of a certain boy passing by the open door. Rafe pauses as he walks past the door and upon hearing the laughter, stops. He wants to go inside to investigate the reason behind it. He quickly starts to walk again toward Mason’s room, “Where are Y/N and Lace going?” “Oh, they aren’t going anywhere. Lace is just helping Y/N/N get ready for a date with Wilson. Can you believe she actually wants to go out with him?” Mason states without so much as looking away from the video game he is playing. “A date? Really?!” “Yeah. Now, dude, hop in before I get creamed by these guys.” Rafe does as he is told but he could not stop thinking about what Mason said. Y/N has been on dates before, but something about Wilson screams bad news for Rafe. All of Y/N’s other dates were obviously not serious about her. They just liked the novelty of dating a Y/L/N and were not into dating men. Wilson seemed too serious at lunch to want to date around like the other boys Y/N has dated. 

“I have to go, my dad wants to go to the country club for dinner. Bye, love you.” Rafe hears Lacey say from down the hall. The sound of her footsteps and the front door opening prompts him to say, “I actually forgot to get some snacks while I was downstairs. I’m going to go get some now.” “Okay, dude.”

Rafe makes his way to Y/N’s room and leans up against her door frame to watch as she looks at herself in the mirror. “Well, don’t you look like a disaster, Y/L/N,” Rafe teases. “Haha, very funny. But seriously. Does this dress look okay?” Y/N asks timidly. Rafe wanted to say that it doesn’t just so that she would take more time looking for something else to wear and miss the date, but the look of uncertainty on her face makes him forgo that tactic. He also wanted to be honest with her; the truth is the dress she wore wouldn’t be the dress he’d want to see her in if he took her on the date. “While you looked amazing in that dress at your cousin’s wedding, I think this dress would be much better,” he answers as he walks towards her clothes and takes out her long black dress with a column skirt and halter top. He had seen her wear it last year to her dad’s 45th birthday bash. Rafe remembers having some inappropriate thoughts about the dress for a family event. Y/N nods at the suggestion and goes to try the new dress on in the bathroom. 

She comes out with a smile on her face and does a little twirl for him, “Rafe, this is perfect. Thank you!” She gives him a hug, which he returns. He was correct; she looks like an absolute vision and it kills him that he isn’t the one taking her on the date. That he was honest with her and now Wilson will get to see her in Rafe’s favourite dress for a date. Although, Rafe wouldn’t take her anywhere fancy on their first date. He knows it would make her nervous if he did, so he would take her to the bookstore first and buy any book she so much as glances at. Then he’d bring her over to his house to bake some cookies for their dessert after dinner, which would be a picnic on the beach at sunset. He would make sure to bring a sweater and an extra blanket for when the night breeze sent goosebumps up her arm. He has to shake himself out of his daydream before he stares too long, “No problem. Have fun on your date. Be safe and I’ll probably see you when you get back because I’m too lazy to go back home.” Rafe makes a quick exit back towards her brother’s room. 

Y/N notices the upset look on his face and assumes it is because of the thought of his father being home, the most likely reason why he is sleeping at her house again for the fifth night in a row. At this point, he might as well just move into their guest bedroom. Everyone in the Outer Banks knew that Ward Cameron had a favourite child and her name was Sarah Cameron. This caused Rafe to constantly try to get Ward’s approval so he could feel the same paternal love his middle sibling got, but no matter what he did it still led to arguments between the father-son duo. It didn’t matter that Rafe had continuously dominated the breaststroke events in swimming, he still wasn’t good enough in the eyes of Ward Cameron. She would be wrong though; the reason why he is upset this time is the fact that she is going on a date.  Before she knew it, a knock was at the door and she heard her father answer the door.

She walks towards the landing overlooking the front entrance. “Hello, I am Wilson Porter and I will be taking Y/N out on this fine evening. I hope you are in accordance with this idea, Mister …,” Wilson greets while holding out his hand for her father to shake. She realizes she still hasn’t told Wilson her last name yet. Her father takes Wilson’s hands and shakes it, “Hey, it’s Mr. Y/L/N. And I am fine with you taking her on a date as long as you have her home by one.” Y/N hopes Wilson doesn’t make the connection to her mom. Y/L/N is a common last name. “Of course, Mr. Y/L/N. punctuality is my specialty. Ah, there is the woman of the hour. She looks radiant.” Y/N is surprised she doesn’t blush at Wilson’s compliment; she could’ve sworn she was on fire when Rafe was raving about how she looked, “Thanks, Wilson. Are you ready to go?” “I absolutely am. Right, this way,” Wilson leads Y/N towards his car and goes to the driver's side. She thought he would open the door for her, but when he doesn’t, she quickly scrambles to get in so it isn’t awkward. 

———

The car ride was filled with pleasant conversation. Wilson mostly talked about Cassie’s books, which doesn’t surprise Y/N considering she knows he wants to become a writer as well and some of her mother’s earlier works are his favourite books. They arrive at La Fleur Bleue, an expensive French restaurant. She isn’t thrilled to be here considering the portion sizes are so small. They enter the restaurant and are led to their table. They look at the menu, when Wilson speaks up, “Do you think I could order for us? I think I have you figured out and can pick you something you love.” “Sure, I’m not too sure what I want to get anyways.” “Great,” Wilson waves the waiter over to order, “Hello, we are both going to have the quiche loraine with a bottle of champagne, please.” The waiter nods, takes their menu and goes off to put their order into the kitchen. “How did you get them to not check our id?” Y/N is astounded at the strings he could pull or hopes she isn’t dating someone who is 21 without her knowing. “My dad is a silent partner here, so they generally look the other way as long as the restaurant isn’t busy,” Wilson explains. 

At least, she knows he isn’t dating her for her money. While waiting for the food to come out, Wilson starts up the conversation again, “So have you had the chance to read The Wisp of Forever? Is it not a literary masterpiece? I mean hardly say this but Conan Austin’s work could rival Cassie’s”

“No, I haven’t had the chance yet because my tbr is so long. But also, it doesn’t really seem to be my type of book.”

“You should stop filling your time with Book’s Instagram and Young Adult Fiction. It’s all nonsense you will grow out of and look back on with disgust. The books I read help fill you with knowledge and enlightenment. They are also realistic.”

“Well, I like YA and Bookstagram. I actually enjoy the books I read from there. Also, it’s nice to read about people going through similar issues as me,” she says as nicely as she can. She is used to this response from most adults in the Outer Banks community, so she has the response memorized. Before Wilson could retort, the waiter comes back with their food and champagne on a tray. The first thing she notices is how tiny her quiche is. It definitely will not be enough food for her, but she doesn’t want to complain about it because of how expensive the food is. Even though her parents have generational wealth, Cassie and Marvin raised their children to be cautious of pricing and that just because they have the money now, doesn’t mean that it can’t disappear with one bad decision. She’ll just make grilled cheese when she gets home. As she eats, she notices she is shivering. The AC is on so high right now. With nothing to cover herself with, she tries to continue eating. 

Dinner went and passed with pleasant conversations about themselves. “Would you guys like to look at the dessert menu?” The waiter offers after clearing their plates. Y/N is about to speak up, but Wilson beats her to it, “No, we actually have somewhere else to be, so just the check, please.” The waiter returns with a check and places it on the table between the pair. Wilson pushes the bill close to Y/N. She isn’t one to expect the man to pay for the first date every single time, but she thinks that whoever asks the person out and chooses what to do should pay for the date. Or at least split the bill. She doesn’t want to make a scene, so she pays the bill without a word. Maybe, he just wants to reverse the unfair expectations of men always paying, which she could get on board with. Wilson gets up in a hurry and makes his way toward the entrance, leaving Y/N to run after him. He opens the door for himself and walks through. This causes the door to shut in her face. Y/N awkwardly opens the door for herself and gets into Wilson’s car. 

“So where are we going to now?” Y/N asks to break the silence. “We are going to a showing of Hamlet at Kildare Theatre. I hear it is an amazing performance.” Y/N is a little disappointed at the notion. She has nothing against Shakespeare and actually enjoys reading his comedies, but she finds watching the actually plays boring and can’t remember the last time she could stay awake through one of them. “Oh, cool. Sounds fun.” They arrive at the theatre house and settle down into their seats. As she watches the play, she has to gently pinch herself every time she nods off to keep herself awake. By the time the play finishes, Wilson takes her home and she gives him a peck goodbye before going inside. 

———

She enters her home and looks at the grandfather clock in the front entrance to see it is 12 A.M. At this realization, she notices how her stomach grumbles. She goes to change into Rafe’s Led Zepplin shirt and comfy shorts. She puts her hair up into a messy bun then makes her way downstairs to make a grilled cheese. “Did you have fun on your date, Y/L/N?” she hears from behind her while she is turned toward the counter wall. She jumps out of surprise, “God, Rafe. We need to tie a bell around your neck. And to answer your question. Yes, I did have fun.” She lied because although he planned a pretty boring date, she didn’t mind Wilson’s company. Rafe is wearing his light gray zip-up swim sweater on top of his salmon t-shirt with basketball shorts. His hair is all messy, he probably just woke up. She wishes she could just reach up and run her fingers through his hair. “I smell lies. If you had a good time, then why are you here making a grilled cheese in the dead of the night?” Rafe points out. “Even if the portion sizes are small, I can still have fun on a date, Rafe,” She argues. “Whatever you say, Y/L/N,” Rafe comes over and takes the pan out of her hand, “Come on, let’s go to McDonald’s instead.” 

He takes her hand and gently guides her to where he keeps his keys at the front entrance so he can pick them up. Once he has his keys, she opens the front door for them to head to his car. He jogs ahead and opens the passenger door for her. She whispers her thanks and takes the hand he offers her to help her get up into the high jeep. Wilson didn’t open the car door for her. 

Most of the car ride was spent making fun of Mason and singing along to Rafe’s playlist. She notices most of the songs are her favourites. When they get to McDonald’s, Rafe is quick to help her out of the car and open the entrance door for her. She has to admit it is nice to not have a door slam in her face. They pick a seat near the back close to the window and Y/N tries to get up to go with Rafe to order, but he stops her, “I’ve got this, Y/L/N. Just stay here.” Y/N listens to what he says and watches as he orders the food. She’ll have to remember to pay him back on the way home. A few minutes later, he returns with the food, “Ten piece chicken nuggets with fries and Sprite for you. And a BigMac with fries and a coke for me. I’ll get our ice cream after we finish,” he recites as he places her food in front of her. 

“Thanks, this is honestly exactly what I need.”

“No problem. Couldn't have you go hungry. So where did you guys go?”

“He took me to La Fleur Bleue, then we watched Hamlet at Kildare Theatre.”

Rafe chuckles at the look of slight disappointment he saw in her eyes, “I swear that place has the smallest portion sizes. It’s where Rose likes to eat when she wants to diet. However, you must’ve loved the play. You always looked so cozy taking those naps whenever we go to one for school.”

“Oh, it was so fun. I think I still have an imprint on my arm from every time I pinched my skin to wake myself up,” Y/N jokes back, showing him her arm to further the joke. The belly laugh that Rafe lets out causes heat to reach Y/N’s cheeks. She likes making him laugh like that. “I’m going to go get the ice cream now.” Rafe gets up and walks back to the counter to order. Y/N once again notices a chill overcome her tonight and sees how her arms are covered in goosebumps. She should’ve grabbed a sweater before she left. 

Rafe makes his way back to Y/N, noticing the bumps on her arms. Either she always forgets to bring sweaters with her or she is stubborn enough to not wear one to not disturb her aesthetic. He places the ice cream on the table; quick to remove his sweater for her. He hands over the sweater to her without saying anything. How come Rafe noticed she was cold and Wilson didn’t? She takes it and shrugs it on, “Thank you.” “You’re welcome,” Rafe watches as Y/N happily takes a bite out of the Oreo flurry he bought her, “Why don’t you eat any other flavours other than Oreo? Even when we get Dairy Queen, it is always an Oreo blizzard.” She is shocked he pays enough attention to her to notice it, “Oreos remind me of the one time when we were little that you, Mason and I would get along. Our moms would always bring us Oreos after soccer practice. It was the one time we could share without trying to kill each other. I loved the cookie part and you loved the filling, so I would always let you eat the filling from my Oreo and vice versa.” 

Rafe is a tad saddened by the mention of his mother; however, the fact that one of her favourite ice cream flavours is in relation to a memory of him makes him glad. “I didn’t know you remembered that. I have to confess though, after like the second time of us doing that I was sick of eating just the cream filling. The only reason why I kept eating the filling is because you were always so sad about wasting the filling if you didn’t eat it,” he confesses. “No way! Rafe, you didn’t have to do that.” “It’s okay. It made me sick, but my mom would cuddle me after to make me feel better so it was a bonus.” At the mention of his mother again, a comfortable silence washes over the pair. If she was with Wilson, she’d probably feel the need to fill the silence in a way that would prove her intelligence. They finish eating and head back to the car. 

“How should I pay you back? Do you want me to e-transfer you or I could get you the cash when we get back home?” She offers, pulling out her phone in preparation to make the transfer. “What? You don’t need to pay me back, Y/L/N. I asked you to come out with me, so I pay.” It looks like Y/N and Rafe are on the same page about who should pay when going out. Y/N begins to protest; however, Rafe speaks up again before she could, “I’m serious, Y/L/N. I won’t accept anything you try to give me, so don’t even try.” Y/N nods and looks out the window of the car. She turns up the car radio, beginning to sing along to the music. Rafe glances over at her and starts to sing with her. Much like their drive to McDonald’s, it is filled with laughter and music. Y/N can’t help but wonder why she can’t feel this way when she is with Wilson. She is dating Wilson and is supposed to hate Rafe, but why are they making it so hard to feel the right way about each one of them? 

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