#tomorrow is supposedly 6 days off

[devildomwriter]

Barbatos Birthday Special 100 Fun Facts

1. When Barbatos joined the fad of putting a sticker on the back of your DDD that portrayed your emotion his said “Finish your work”

2. Barbatos works for Diavolo because he was both lured in by Diavolo and Diavolo threatened him he wouldn’t become king if Barbatos didn’t work for him

3. Barbatos continues to smile even when angry which scares many people especially Little D No. 2

4. Barbatos can choose from any number of realities and make his choice the one true reality

5. Despite being perfect at almost everything, Barbatos has difficulty acting

6. Barbatos is an excellent dancer according to Asmodeus

7. Barbatos supervises fan club meetings for the student council members

8. Barbatos is a talented ice skater and won the first competition Diavolo held for it

9. Diavolo has forbidden Barbatos to use his powers freely and Barbatos tells Lucifer he will only look into the future when Diavolo explicitly asks him to

10. Despite being a butler Lucifer claims Barbatos has elite status

11. Barbatos is described as a walking tea encyclopedia

12. Barbatos has exceptionally good luck, including always winning the jackpot at the casinos

13. Barbatos and Lucifer’s chat name is “Tea Demons”

14. After being strangled by Belphegor, Barbatos saves MC by fusing the altered timeline and the original timeline together

15. Barbatos’ favorite teas are herbal teas

16. Barbatos appears to love herbs in general and not just in his tea

17. Barbatos mentions that he was never a child

18. Barbatos uses his powers by accessing realities, the past and the future through the doors in his room

19. Solomon once had to summon Barbatos to drive off a headless dragon

20. When Barbatos dresses as a dame to escort Queen Rose, his beauty caused an uproar and piles of fanmail were delivered to the demon lords castle so he decided to never dress as a dame again

21. Barbatos had a pact with Solomon before Asmodeus did

22. Barbatos recommends tea leaves grown in exceptionally low temperatures because it adds depth to the flavor

23. Barbatos enjoys walks at night

24. Barbatos prefers cats over dogs

25. Barbatos is so scared of rats he cannot even say their name

26. To summon Barbatos, Solomon had to use so much magic and energy he nearly died, Barbatos was impressed and decided to form a pact to save Solomon’s life

27. Barbatos once attempted to poison rats with Solomon’s food but instead the rat grew in size and Barbatos took the next few days off recovering

28. Barbatos likes the colors burgundy and indigo, he likes indigo specially because he feels he can wear it everyday

29. Barbatos expresses to MC that due to the nature of his job he’s never had any interest in wearing perfume

30. Solomon supposedly owns Barbatos’s grimoire a sign of absolute trust

31. Barbatos does not like it when people touch his tail

32. Barbatos describes himself as dismayed when he and Diavolo are left out of big events

33. Barbatos was once provoked into fighting a witch when she called him a cutie

34. Barbatos’s motto is “to be selfless and serve the people.”

35. Barbatos always puts together and double checks Diavolo’s schedule for the following day before he goes to bed

36. Barbatos starts his baths with his right arm

37. Barbatos’s dream is to see Diavolo become king

38. Barbatos says that if the Devildom were to disappear tomorrow he’d like to hear from Diavolo first

39. Barbatos is not the active one when it comes to a relationship and desires to be bound by his lover

40. Barbatos cherishes relationship anniversaries and special days of remembrance

41. Barbatos says that for a relationship with obstacles he’d rather give up

42. During a love survey, Barbatos chose "other" for the question "unable to express his feelings frankly." His explanation was that there might be situations where he might not necessarily tell a significant other his feelings.

43. Barbatos can see the past and the future

44. When Lucifer first fell to the Devildom and lashed out at Diavolo, Barbatos was the first one to point out to Lucifer that he had become a demon

45. Barbatos prefers traditional establishments that are quiet and easier to relax in

46. Diavolo considers Barbatos more of a drill Sargent and says he is too harsh

47. Barbatos refused Diavolo’s idea of a cleaning robot because he enjoys caring for Diavolo himself

48. Barbatos will sometimes inconvenience himself if it will make Diavolo happy. For example in a chat Barbatos explains that he would prefer to decline an invitation to appear on a quiz show in order to focus on his duties. However, he considers accepting the invitation just to see the look of delight on Diavolo's face.

49. Barbatos works hard to try and discreetly feed and sneak in ingredients into Diavolo’s food that Diavolo avoids like pickles

50. When the brothers get to rowdy at a meeting Barbatos is quick to use physical violence to stop them

51. Barbatos can utilize forks as weapons

52. Barbatos thinks he doesn’t work out enough

53. Barbatos is always overjoyed to receive Diavolo’s praise

54. Barbatos has been described as the greatest pastry chef in the three worlds

55. Barbatos nearly died in season 4 after rescuing the brothers from the Dark Crevasse

56. Barbatos often saves his left over sweets for MC

57. Barbatos once threw a fork at Mammon’s head for interrupting him

58. Barbatos likes Heavy Metal music

59. Barbatos can open portals the dream world

60. The brothers believe Barbatos is overprotective of Diavolo

61. Barbatos is the first demon Luke bonds with

62. Barbatos is always helping Luke with baking, giving recommendations, and spending time baking together

63. Barbatos’s human world look is meant to represent someone who works with tea

64. The necklace Barbatos wears in his human world look is from a shop recommended by Solomon and might be magical

65. Barabtos reminds MC they should be proud they represent the entire human world

66. Barbatos feels uncomfortable not serving and being served himself

67. Barbatos says he is pleased to see MC enjoying themself

68. In a Sweat-Result from surprise interaction, Barbatos tells MC not even they are safe from his wrath

69. Barbatos refers to MC as master to catch them off guard

70. Barbatos seems concerned about Asmodeus’s excess partying

71. When MC uses a whip on Barbatos he tells them they have a passing grade

72. Barbatos often has to stop Diavolo’s antics like preventing him from bringing a 300 foot Christmas tree into the castle

73. Barbatos likes matching with MC and describes the feeling as warm and fuzzy

74. Barbatos had to stop his duties once to prevent Diavolo from joining a public karaoke contest

75. Barbatos wishes to take MC to a music festival at Hell’s Dome

76. Barbatos often finds himself and Simeon going on outings together

77. Barbatos tells MC he wishes they could have tea together just the two of them more often

78. Barbatos heard MC talking in their sleep once. According to him Mc called his name many times among other things that made him smile which he won’t go into details about

79. Barbatos grew a black poinsettia for MC, the flower is meant to represent the bond between two people

80. To help Diavolo prepare for a pancake stacking contest, Barbatos baked 1,000 pancakes a day

81. Lucifer is confused as to how Barbatos keeps so clean while cooking and cleaning in formal wear

82. To avoid Asmodeus feeling him up, Barbatos dragged Satan to the dance floor instead

83. When MC and Mephistopheles illegally enter the student council library, he immediately reports it and is upset no one cares

84. Little D No. 2 once accidentally exploded the castle bathtub with bathbombs and fearing Barbatos’s reaction hid them with Beelzebub who was also scared of Barbatos’s reaction

85. Barbatos always has to stop Diavolo from eating revelation tomatoes as he believes Diavolo shouldn’t have to reveal anything

86. Barbatos was the first person Diavolo asked to pretend to be his date so he could get ice cream for couples but Barbatos refused

87. Barbatos rarely has dreams but when he does they’re of the future

88. Barabtos saved Luke from drowning when Luke tried to save Serun from drowning

89. When inviting others for tea, Barbatos requests they don’t bring Beelzebub for obvious reasons

90. Barabtos once made Leviathan dishes from various manga and anime he liked

91. Barbatos sometimes helps Luke with his crossword puzzles

92. When Luke is called a demon by Mammon and is stunned and horrified, Barbatos is the one to quickly reassure him that demons are much trickier and ruthless

93. Apparently there was a demon who looked so similar to Barbatos that both Luke and Diavolo were fooled

94. Barbatos once sneezed and accidentally teleported Diavolo to the wrong location, Diavolo used this to guilt trip him into staying in the human world

95. Barbatos has a more recent obsession of recreating buildings as desserts

96. Barbatos “looks on in amazement” whenever Diavolo accidentally sorts urgent and non-urgent documents into the same pile

97. Barbatos has an herb garden at the castle where he grows many herbs including Darkness Thyme which is difficult for even masters to cultivate

98. Barbatos used to have nightmares until he started picturing MC’s face before falling asleep

99. When Solomon accidentally created a potion that made everyone speak differently Barbatos describes it as dark days that will live on in his memory

100. Barbatos was so pleased with Mammon’s hard work at TTWF that he took Mammon to the casinos (Barbatos always hits the jackpot)

[ghostfanwriter]

🎂🩷 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐕𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐭 🩷🎂

Part two →

🩷 Pairing: Single dad, young Joel Miller x Baker! Reader

🎂 Setting: No outbreak AU. Joel's in his mid-thirties, and reader's on her mid/late twenties.

🩷 Synopsis: Like a sending from heaven, Joel Miller comes in to buy a birthday cake in your bakery. Sure, late night renovations won't lead to anything, right?

🎂 Features: Flirting, Joel blushing, reader being on her knees for him already, the girls being the sweetest, Joel being a super hot, super stressed, dad.

🩷 Word Count: Around 2.3k.

🎂 About this: This is the introduction to how they've met. I keep coming hack to this story whenever Dirty Hands gets tricky, it's my little comfort baby.

🩷 Author's Note: I have no idea how much a cake costs in the US, so help a girl out and just leave it alone if it 's too - way too - off. Hope you like it 🩷

The clock shows 6:20pm, your bakery — supposedly — closes at 6:30pm.

You finish serving the last table — that seems to have no hurry to leave — and go back behind your counter, watching your step to avoid the missing tile behind your cakes' display.

It's almost closing time and all your prayers are concentrated on asking for this couple to leave as soon as possible, as you still have to clean, prepare your doughs for tomorrow and close everything before finally going home.

And after a whole day of working — mostly alone — on your bakery, all you want is to get some rest.

You're on your computer looking up flooring options, and your search is interrupted by a man walking in, his large frame stopping in front of your cakes and carefully looking at all of them, his eyes focused on the options.

"Hi, good evening!" You greet him, getting up, your smile widening as you take him in. Large shoulders, fluffy hair, big eyes, sculpted nose.

He's wearing a blue jacket, his sunglasses are, for some reason, still on his head, and he has his backpack on his back.

"Hey, good evening." He greets you, his voice deep and soft, his eyes still glued to the cakes on your display. Frowning when he sees a particularly pretty one.

"Can I help you?" You ask sweetly, and he looks up at you for the first time, smiling back at you, cursing himself for taking so long to look at you.

"I'm sorry, I was just looking at them, they're all so pretty." He says, embarrassed by how he didn't even aknowledge you when he entered your store.

"No it's fine, I'll take it as a compliment." You say, laughing.

"It's not like they're the only thing worth looking at here. But they sure catch your attention." He says, watching your face, and you feel your cheeks on fire, your eyes almost watering at how flustered the man's got you.

"Thank you." You manage to say, your voice slightly smaller, and he looks back at the cakes.

"What flavor is this pink one?" He asks, and you bend over the display to look at it.

"Hmm, that's a pink velvet! With a custard and fresh strawberries filing." You say, and he frowns. The cake is covered in white and pink frosting, decorated with fresh strawberries.

"Oof, that sounds amazing." He says, and you smile.

"It's one of my favorites." You admit.

"Well, then I'll take it, please." He says, laughing.

"Alright. Is it a gift?" You ask, reaching for the packagings, and he shakes his head.

"No, no. It's for me." He says, and you grab a regular box.

"Well, you do like cake then, huh?" You joke as you take the cake to pack it, and he laughs at it.

"I do, yeah. But this one's for my birthday." He says, laughing, and you smile at him.

"Oh, why didn't you just say it?" You ask. "Happy birthday! Did you know we have a special discount for people's birthdays?"

"Uh, you do? Well... but I don't really want to show you my ID. Don't like to think about the number there, you know?" He laughs, his pretty eyes scrunching at his own words.

"How about I take your word?" You suggest, and he smiles. "I mean, you're either telling me the truth or you really like cake. Or you're just hungry, I mean, your job looks like really heavy work." You say, mentioning his clothes, covered in concrete and paint.

"Those would be three checks. I do love cake, and I am starving because of work. But it is also my birthday." He says.

"Well, then you do deserve the discount." You say, closing the bag. "It'll be 22 dollars." You say.

"Alright." He says, reaching for his wallet on the front pocket of his worn out jeans. "Here." He hands you 30 dollars, and you grab his change.

"Here you go." You hand it to him.

"Oh, no. Keep the change, please." He says.

"No, c'mon. Birthday discount, remember?" You say, almost pouting.

"Here says the cake costs almost 35 dollars." He says, leaning to read the price tag on the display, scrunching his eyes so the numbers become clear. "You were generous enough with your discount." He adds, grabbing the bag.

"Because it's your birthday discount!" You say playfully, extending your arm further, and he pushes your hand away.

"I said keep it." He says firmly, making you flinch, your breathing getting stuck in your throat. "How about I take the discount and you take the change as a tip for you?" He suggests, and you smile. "Keep it." He insists, smiling.

"Thank you." You say, putting the change back, a shy and uncontrollable smile stuck on your face.

"Thank you." He says, looking at you, his eyes somehow even softer. "'Till next time." He says, and you take a deep breath as he turns around.

"Hey, sorry?" You call, and he turns back — a bit eagerly, you could swear —, looking at you, a smile on his lips.

"Yeah."

"You do work in construction, right?" You ask. "I mean, your clothes and all."

"Well, they don't let me lie." He jokes. "I'm a contractor. Was just working across the street." He explains.

"Do you work with renovations? Like, changing floorings, fixing drywalls, changing lights and custumized furniture?" You ask.

"I do, yeah. I have a company, actually. I work for myself." He says. "Although furniture isn't exactly my field. But I know some good people who do it, I can give you their number." He offers.

"Yeah, I'd love that." You say, and he puts the cake back on top of your counter, reaching for his wallet.

"Here." He hands you two cards. "This one's mine, this one's a guy that builds all sorts of furniture. Almost all kinds of materials, I work with him all the time, you can trust him." He says.

"Joel Miller?" You ask smiling, looking at him, his cheeks reddening when he hears you say his name.

It sounds so goddamn sweet on your lips.

"Yeah." He says. "You just give me a call and I come over to talk, see what you wanna do, no commitment."

"Sure! I just want to renovate the floorings, fix some broken stuff." You say. "I'll call you before the weekend so we can talk better." You promise.

"Great. Can't wait to hear from you." He says, grabbing his cake again. "See you." He says, turning around, and you wave goodbye, but he turns as soon as he reaches the door. "Will you call from this number?" He asks, pointing at the number printed on the bag.

"Yeah, that's my professional number." You say, smiling.

"Alright. Just so when you call I know it's you." He says. "Make sure I won't miss it." He adds, smiling.

"Thank you." You smile back.

"Well, now I'll go. See ya." He says, this time actually leaving the store.

You watch as he gets into a black truck, and almost jumps when he looks at you, giving you a little wave — that you're eager to mimick — as he starts his car, driving away.

Your cheeks hurt as you can't control your smile. A beautiful, kind and funny man just walked in, bought a pink cake — with no problem with the color —, maybe flirted with you and now you have his number? And he said he'll make sure he won't miss your call?

God bless the couple that made you stay open for a little longer.

And just as you think of them, they come towards you to pay, thanking you for the food and complimenting your pastries. You thank them — although it's not just for the nice words — and close soon after they leave.

You put all the chairs up, clean the floors and go to the kitchen, where you prepare some of your dough for the next day.

Now you're even more excited to start the renovations around your bakery.

The next day you try to focus on your chores and not call him, and he spends the whole day rushing to his phone and sighing when he picks it up and sees it's not you.

The day after that you can't help it anymore, though.

Not only because you're dying to see the man again — and make sure he wasn't just a mirage your tired brain came up with to distract you from how tired you were that day —, but also because you couldn't stand anymore having to ditch loose flooring pieces, the broken doors of your balconies, the dying ceiling lights.

So you take a deep breath, almost shaking as you leave your mixer mixing your brownie batter and go to the open patio to call him.

His phone rings while he gives Ellie, his toddler, her breakfast — or tries to, anyway.

"Ellie, baby, c'mon, help daddy, your sister's gonna be late for school."

"No!" She laughed, amused with her dad's suffering. He lets his head fall down, defeated.

"Alright, then you're going to daycare with just apple juice on your tummy, because we really need to leave now." He says, and she cheers. "Sarah, honey, are you ready?" He asks his four-year old when she comes downstairs, and she nods enthusiastically.

"Yes, daddy! Can we go now? I don't wanna be late, Mrs. Roberts gives a star for who arrives early." She says. "And I haven't gotten one in over two days!" She says, frustrated.

"Did you brush your teeth?" He asks her while he starts washing the dishes.

"Yes! Of course I did." She says, her tone not even convincing herself.

"Let me check." He says, leaning down, and her eyes widen. "C'mon, come here." He calls, beckoning for her to come close to him, and she sighs.

"I'll go brush them now." She says, defeated. "But then we're leaving!" She yells the last part as she runs upstairs.

He finishes the dishes and cleans Ellie, removing her from her highchair. Just when he's about to take her to the bathroom to brush her teeth, his phone rings, and he sits Ellie on the table to see who's calling him.

He sees the unsaved number and remembers it faintly from your bakery bag, so he looks around, trying to see if he can find it.

"Ellie, don't move, alright, baby?" He tells her, who doesn't even aknowledge him, too busy playing with her toys.

He lets go of her and opens the cabinet where he keeps his plastic bags, looking for the pink one from your bakery. He finds it and sees the number is indeed yours.

"Fuck." He curses quietly. "Tommy!" He yells, calling for his brother. "Come here, I need to pick up the phone, quick." He screams, and Tommy shows up almost immediately.

"Hey." His brother says, clearly just out of bed.

"Watch Ellie, don't let Sarah come after me." He says, walking to his backyard.

He doesn't like his clients knowing how agitated and insane his personal life can be with two small kids and no one around to help. So he always tries to make work calls as quiet as he can.

"Hi!" He says, almost too excited as he picks up the phone, thanking God he made it in time.

"Hi! Joel?" You ask, and he smiles when he hears your voice.

"Yeah, it's me." He says, and you can almost hear the smile on his lips.

"Oh, hey. I'm from the bakery where you bought that pink cake?" You ask, and he takes a second to respond, trying to not make it obvious that he's spent the previous day running to his phone, hoping to hear from you.

"Oh, yeah, I remember! You said you wanted new floorings and furniture, right?" He asks, shooting Tommy a look when he grabs Sarah last minute so she doesn't go after him.

"Yeah, that's me!" You say, feeling awkward. Trying to remind yourself that it's just a professional call, and you don't have to be so nervous. "Could you come over? As soon as you can? I wanted to talk about the renovations." You say, and he nods, only after a second realizing that you can't see him, feeling stupid.

It's just a work call, for God's sake, chill out, Joel Miller.

"Sure, I can be over today, does that work for you? Maybe after you close, or maybe tomorrow before you're open?" He suggests, trying not to sound too eager.

As silly as it sounds, you can't help but think about how you're dressed, what your hair looks like. You stop in front of a window, checking yourself, and only when you make sure you won't die if he sees what you look like today, you can confirm.

"Today would be great! I'm closing at six-thirty, so you could come over at seven, if that's ok? So I can clean a bit before we can talk."

"Sounds great. I'll be there." He agrees.

"Alright, see you then." You say, your beating faster than it has in a long time.

"See ya." He says, running back inside.

"Sure that was a work call?" Tommy teases him, and Joel shoots him a look.

"Daddy, c'mon!" Sarah says, pulling his arm as soon as he closes the backdoor.

"Come here." He kneels down with one knee, holding her shoulders. "Let me check." He says, and she laughs as she blows his face, a tutti-frutti smell invading his nose. "Great, baby, thank you." He says, kissing the top of her head.

"Can we go now? I don't wanna be late." She asks, sounding almost sad.

"We're going, honey. Let's go." He says, picking Ellie and her backpack up, grabbing Tommy's shoulder. "Listen, I need you to go see the Gellers tonight, I have something else." He says, and his brother sighs.

"C'mon, man, not the fucking Gellers." He begs.

"Gellers. You. Tonight. 8pm. Don't mess it up, Tommy!" He yells, leaving the house. "Girls, say bye to uncle Tommy."

"Bye uncle Tommy!" They both say, waving him goodbye.

"Bye, girls! Be good, huh?" He says, and Joel closes the door.

...

Joel never missed having a mom for the girls. No matter how tired and overwhelmed he may get taking care of them by himself — mostly, at least. He could never risk adding someone to the equation and getting his girls hurt in the process.

"Daddy?" Sarah says when he comes back to the car after dropping Ellie at daycare.

"Yes, baby." He says sweetly, turning back to look at her.

"Your shirt's inside out." She says, laughing, and he looks down at himself. He grabs the steering wheel and dramatically drops his head on it, making her laugh even harder.

Having someone to share this life with would be nice, though.

Soo, what do you think?

Your thoughts are so, so important, please let me know if you liked it! I hope you did, can't wait to give you the rest of their story 🩷🫶🏻

My Masterlist 🩷

[itsgodepi]

If I lose my mind | Ch. 6

Series summary: When life has given you more than enough lemons and you cannot figure out how to make a lemonade, the only way to make it work is to get rid of the whole basket. But was it neccesary to send you to a whole different dimension for that? A juicer would have done the job, really. Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like, one of the most exclusive sports? Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x fem!reader Chapter: Previous | Next Word Count: 2.8k Also on AO3

It is stupid really, the little things you do to reassure yourself that this is not the reality. You found an article the second or third day in France whose headline read something like How to tell if you’re dreaming: 5 steps (with pictures) —yes, it’s from wikiHow, so what? Your mind is playing tricks on you so you won’t believe the important sources—, and you have been following it like a ritual ever since. 

For example, it says to always check your environment for distortions, that appearances can be deceiving in the dream world. And although it talks about your house being different from what you remember or objects looking strange, being in a completely different country from where to sleep in seems to fit that description just fine. 

Another step had been to test your strength and abilities, if you can fly or lift extremely heavy objects, you are clearly not awake. You are not ready to admit the number of times you have tried jumping off the hotel bed and levitating without success, but you would say driving a Formula One car is quite a remarkable skill to learn overnight. 

The one stage you had not been able to get past had been to consider other people around you and analyze whether their presence made sense or not. From the beginning you have been surrounded by strangers, Nick and what he calls the team, journalists and other drivers. This combined with the fact that you have not been able to contact your family or friends yet, has made this step the trickiest one to overcome, nobody during these past few days being able to really tip you off.  

That is until you saw the fucking Fernado Alonso strolling into the drivers’ briefing like it was nobody’s business. 

You had never been too interested in Formula One, the races and everything surrounding the sport honestly bored you, but that was one thing and not recognizing Fernando Alonso when he is literally sitting in front of you was a completely different one. Your father would kill you if that had been the case, how could you not recognize the Spanish driver who you had spent countless afternoons seeing your dad and uncles cheering for when you were a child? It made no sense. So, although he now wore a different team’s shirt —the characteristic blue clothes you remember, nowhere to be seen— and had shorter hair, you were 100% sure of who he was.  

The man’s presence alone managing to convince you once and for all that this was not real. 

That is why, now that you are back in the paddock, jumpsuit zipped almost all the way up and a smile on your lips for the camera, you feel somewhat calm. You have made it through a third practice and the qualifying session in one piece, all ready and prepared to fulfill your media duties in front of more strangers like this is an everyday thing. No recollection of the hours you’ve been seated in that deathtrap of a car fighting for P15, not a single memory of the other car whose lap you supposedly impeded, no nothing.  

It is not a good result, you are aware of that, but you are hoping to win a few positions in the race tomorrow and maybe the first points of your career. Well, that is what you are advised to tell the interviewers at least, how the car is working great under these conditions or something like that. You cannot remember half of the script at this point, but you had done well enough when you were under the spotlight. 

Thankfully, Saturday’s activities have finally come to an end, only a couple social media videos left to record and you will be on your way back to the hotel in no time. The garage is almost empty at this hour, a few mechanics hanging around, taking a last look at the car and organizing everything they need for tomorrow’s race. Nothing compared to the first time you stepped inside building.  

The media coordinator is running late, the whole filming crew is. They were supposed to be in the garage before you even finished the media conference, taking some shots of the car and speeding off the process so you could have some rest before tomorrow’s race. And yet, here you are, trying your best not to doze off in one of those uncomfortable highchairs near the screens while Nick tries to sort things out. He had instantly gone in her search when you arrived, muttering something under his breath as he stormed out of the garage. 

It is not like more than ten minutes have passed really, but the jumpsuit and fitted clothes you wear underneath are killing you. You should have changed without permission, get onto some nice clean clothes before they came back. What is the worst that can happen? A person made up by your imagination is going to come and scold you? 

“Oh, you’re still here!” a soft voice wakes you up from your thoughts, your eyes tiredly trailing through the garage to see where it is coming from.  

Must be someone from the team coming to see what the mechanics are doing, the men still fixing things here and there when half of the pack has already gone back home to rest for the biggest even of the weekend. You would feel bad for them were they not literal products of your imagination. 

However, after fighting with your sleepy brain for a bit, you realize that you recognize that voice, your gaze searching with renewed energy for the man in question. What is Charles doing here?  

You find the driver walking into the garage through the pitlane’s door, his red jumpsuit still hanging from his hips and his hair a mess. His tired smile is contagious, your own coming to play on your lips as he nears your seat. You try to pick up the things you had hazardously thrown in the chair next to yours, thinking he might want to take a seat after the long round of interviews he must gone through, but you soon understand he has a very different idea in his mind.  

Before you can even react or greet him with more than a simple “Hi”, the man is pulling you into a big hug, his arms wrapping around your waist as his face comes to hide on the crook of your neck. Charles lets his full weight rest on your body, your highchair giving him the perfect opportunity to do so as he stands between your legs, like he cannot keep himself upright any longer. “Haven’t seen you all day...” Charles sighs into your shoulder, squeezing your body tighter as if he was letting go of all the accumulated stress, slowly relaxing his hold after a few seconds. 

Confusion paints your features, your arms awkwardly resting over his shoulders while you try to figure out what the hell is he doing.  

It is strange, the sense of familiarity that his touch brings you, the way he molds himself to your body as his thumbs draws circles on your lower back making you feel so at peace. You try to push all those feelings down with a frown, patting him on the back and trying to squirm out of his hold.  

The man seems to not be ready to let go off you though, simply relaxing himself in your arms like this is not literally the third time you have ever seen each other. Charles has been nice to you in the few encounters you have had and all, but that does not make this sudden invasion of your personal space any less weird. And it is not like you are alone either, the mechanics moving around the two of you like this is no big deal, not a second glance at the situation you got yourself into. 

“Com'è andata la giornata?” Charles whispers after a while, voice muffled by the collar of your top since he refuses to break the hug.  

What did he say? Did he just... speak in a whole different language? It is bad enough that you are dreaming in English..., this is getting ridiculous. Are you just going crazy in your sleep or something? 

“Hm?” you confusedly answer, both to gain some more time to make sense of what he asked about and to leave room for him to repeat the question. Maybe you didn’t hear him right? Yeah, that must be it. 

Charles chuckles onto your skin “Troppo stanca per rispondere?”, the soft graze of his breath over your skin making you shiver, hairs standing on end.  

What is he doing? Treating you like you are best friends or something when you are not even acquaintances in the first place, and while he keeps talking to you in a language you do not understand, mind you. 

The man finally puts some space between the two of you after the total lack of response, his face emerging from your neck so you can be face to face. Nonetheless, his hands still come to claim a place on each side of you, leaning into your personal space without a care in the world around you. You can’t even get off the chair because he is in the way!  

There is a silly smile playing on his lips while all this thoughts bubble in your mind, his head tilting to the side as he continues “Or have you already given up on Monza?” 

“I guess I have” you manage to respond after the initial shock, the high-pitched tone of your voice betraying your nerves and giving away just how unsure you are of what exactly he is talking about. You make a mental note to look up what this Monza thing means in case he brings it up at some point, or maybe you should simply run away from him if he is going to pulls something like this again. 

“It was too soon anyway,” Charles shakes his head, regarding you with such a soft look that you almost forget he is a stranger, his actions confusing you even further “You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, there’s no rush... We can practice over the break, just study a bit more and we’ll see how it goes” 

And since you are completely lost in the conversation, you decide to give a simple “Okay” as your response.  

You have mixed feelings about the interaction, the bittersweet taste it left behind coming to hunt you when you spot him the next day. Of course you were going to see him, he is a driver and today is race day, but that does not make it any better. You have felt so alone this past week, missing your loved ones locked away within the four walls of the hotel room, that although his proximity had been completely unwarranted and unwanted when he first hugged you, something inside you started missing his warmth as soon as he stepped away. 

Images of yours and Charles conversation keep playing over and over in your mind as you walk through the rows of Formula One cars, back into your race suit while you get through the mass of mechanics and cameras filling the road. The car is already formed up on the grid —yes, you have incorporated some F1 concepts into your vocabulary after all the research—, the prerace activities having finished a while ago and the worse part of the day looming over you. 

Charles is standing at the front, in that area separated from the rest of the road by white barriers, talking with a taller man that you do not remember ever seeing before. The big logo on his chest gives you some clues though, the two bulls facing each other painted on his race suit giving away which team he drives for. A Red Bull driver.  

It is nice to finally understand the whole color coordination stuff between the car and your clothes, courtesy of the hours you have spent behind the screen researching about the sport. There are ten teams with two drivers competing for each one of them, some of their logos easily recognizable while others —like the one engraved on your shirt for example— are impossible to remember. Don’t know half the driver’s names yet still, only had time to search for mister Carlos Sainz’s whole biography after what happened in the drivers briefing. He is also Spanish, a fact that heavily surprises you, either your mind has made this person up or your father talked about him enough that his presence in the sport has stuck in your subconscious. 

You decide not to walk towards the two men when you enter the area, not because of what transpired yesterday between you and Charles or out of shyness, but due to the strange behavior he has been exhibiting since this morning. Not only him, but all the other drivers you had previously met as well. While they all had been overly familiar and playful with you during Saturday’s meeting, they seemed to be avoiding you throughout both the prerace activities and now the ceremony.  

Everyone except for Lewis. 

When you had come out onto the track for the first time that day, made to walk alongside your teammate, Mick, to one of the vintage cars that would be taking you on a lap around the circuit, you had felt fairly uncomfortable. Mick had not uttered a single word to you outside of the meetings and interviews, only ever greeting you when there were cameras around and even then, it was easy to see how forced it was. It is not like Mick was being hostile or rude towards you, his comments about you always polite and short, it felt more like he was indifferent. The driver preferred to keep you at an arm's length if possible. However, even that indifference felt like a slap to the face when you were surrounded by strangers pushing cameras into your space. 

So, although Lewis had his own army of microphones and videographers at his back when he came over to greet you, in your eyes the man looked like your own personal saviour.  

Who could blame you for the way you gravitated towards him later on in the private area? Away from your teammate and those other drivers that had not dared to send more than a tight smile your way when your eyes accidentally met. On the other hand, Lewis had always been welcoming, a source of calmness that managed to make you forget about everything happening around you even if just for a second. 

“I wanted to stay back for a few days, go to a show in Cannes, but then I’d have to fly straight to Hungary...” Lewis complains, arms crossed over his chest as he walks you to your designated spots on the road 

“I can’t wait to leave, honestly” you confess with a chuckle, surprising yourself with the way you are treating the matter of flying from one country to another every week with such apparent normalcy. Well, amid all this chaos, with twenty Formula one cars at your backs and thousands of people watching from the grandstands, taking a flight is one of the most normal things you have experienced so far. 

Lewis lips stretch into a big smile at your outburst of sincerity, his dark eyes crinkling at the sides “I see you didn’t like France at all” 

“It’s not that...” you try to justify yourself; it is not like you had seen much of the country in this past week either, your schedule tight enough as it is to try and also squeeze some sightseeing in there.  

Would Nick have allowed it anyway? The man had kept you on a short leash since day one, only granting you some alone time at night and even then, he knew exactly where to find you. The happiness with which Lewis recounts his trips around France and recommends a few places to visit before you leave on Tuesday, makes you miss that newfound freedom you had experienced during your external practices in Spain, the taste of that amazing adult life they had been promising you since before you started the university. 

Truly, not everything in this new stage of your life had been as incredible as they had portrayed it, those liberties came with harsh responsibilities that you were clearly not handling well. Are you seriously whining about not having time to walk through the beautiful streets of this French city when you would be incapable of travelling here on your own in the first place? You are only ‘here’ because you are living through the longest and weirdest dream you have ever had, this city does not exist, the floor you are standing on is not real and you have most probably made up all that information you have gathered in those sleepless nights. 

And last, but clearly not least, the realization that for some reason overwhelms you the most and marks the rest of the ceremony: Lewis is not real either. 

Next chapter

___

Author's note: it's so nice seeing you're enjoying the fic, I hope you liked this chapter as well. Thank you all so much for reading!!

Taglist: @purplephantomwolf @raye2000 @yuiiimd @drezzerk33 @leclercdream @homie0sapien @minkyungseokie @carlossainzwho @rewmuslupin @kyuupidwrites @raevyng @lazybot @gills-lounge @hiraethrhapsody @jjkclub

[ahoppingmagician]

Cursed Harrison HC

Alright so I promised an explanation on how a view Harrison's magic. If you are interested keep reading down below

(Warning it's long and very much not canon by any means, yes this is what 6 years of nothing but thoughts have done)

Origins

Harrison's father who I have named Jonah was just like any teenager a know it all who knew nothing.

Jonah was your typical jock raised by heavily Christian parents in a small town. One day his rival Dallas (Nerris's Dad) was talking about an old temple out in the woods that supposedly was used to worship some kind of octopus deity. Jonah didn't believe him because the only thing that should be worship is God. Dallas had enough of his shit and challenged him to go to the temple and do the ritual, the teenage boy foolishly agreed. His first mistake.

The boy hoped on his yellow bike as the sun began to set, he headed into the woods. The temple stood tall, it loomed over him. He took the old book Dallas has gave him out of his bag and headed into the structure that was covered in moss. His second mistake.

He waited around till the moon was glaring down at him. It looked odd, was it always this blue?. Jonah shook it off it was just from being drowsy surely. He placed the book down on the alter as the moonlight hit this weird glowling rock and began to read the words. His Final Mistake.

Now he has cursed his entire bloodline till the end of time. He didn't realise it for years, but then his first born son was born, Harrison Samuel White.

How it effects Harrison

Let's start with the obvious. He has supernatural abilities that doesn't seem to have any true limit. Harrison can simply end the world with a click of his fingers if he desires.

Physically

He can't really feel his hands, from all the layers of burned skin and other magical injuries on his body. His body temperature depends on his mood, an example would be if he's scared, anxious, or worried his body will become cold and can form frost or ice. When he started puberty he started to grow these weird tattoo like symbols on his arms, chest and back.

Sleep Schedule

He doesn't really sleep during the night. Some 0f it is due to his curse in general, another factor is that the "demons" like to torment him at night with laughing, murmuring, humming, and whispering. Also nightmares about him starting Armageddon or relieving him and his twin brother's 9th birthday party, where everything went wrong.

Emotionally/Mentally

So he isn't exactly mentally well. He is coping with it but that's about it. When he was 13 to 15 he decided to lean into being a terrifying bringer of doom that wouldn't hesitate to threaten you with a flame being held to your face. 16 to 19 he began seeking validation by becoming a ladies man. General Anxiety and Depression because obviously..wouldn't you be if everyone told you that you're the rebirth of Satan and being haunted by creepy creatures everyday, while batteling the urge to burn the world to the ground. Also smokes weed with Nerris because Stoner Nerris owns my soul.

Family

His birth family threw him out the house at 16 because Jonah couldn't handle the guilt of the curse anymore, and Harrison was becoming more and more violent. Harrison wondered around till he found a familiar bus that took him to you guess it Camp Campbell. He hid in the attic till David came by for the summer. Long story short he moved with with David, Gwen, and Max. His twin brother (Tommy) wasn't his only biological sibling, Harrison has an older sister (Christina), younger sister(Eve), younger brother(Johnny) Harrison barely interacted with his younger siblings.

Alright that's it for now. Thanks you for reading this far if you did, and I hope you know that I think your amazing and tomorrow is hopefully an better day, I can't give you a hug but just know it's alright if today was hard, you'll pull through the storm.

[beenjen]

Day 1 on the Jen cares about Jen train -

Started the morning at 6 am…. Up and at em getting the kids ready for school. I make it easy on myself and have their bags and lunches packed the night before and lay out their clothes as well.

C took Jamis and I take Lilith a little later on Mondays so we can have a leisure morning getting ready. I dropped her off at 8:30 and made the 9 am yoga. It is was a great class. Sweat my arse off and it felt really good.

I stopped by co-op and picked up the plants I needed for the garden, replacement lavender as mine died this past winter in a below zero freeze we had and headed back across town to drop J’s lunch at school - getting back in the swing of things is hard and C forgot it lol

Then I came home and planted -

The garden is in!!! I picked up these raised beds a couple years ago on clearance…. We put them together, finally, in March and filled them with dirt from my dads.

I planted all kinds of things…. Brussel sprouts, pole beans, okra, tomatoes, carrots, cantaloupe, watermelon, strawberries, a variety of sweet peppers, poblanos, egg plant, zucchini, spaghetti squash…. I think there’s more but I can’t remember.

We are hosting a baby shower for some friends of ours this coming weekend so I have been systemically cleaning parts of the house I sometimes ignore - cough, cough, the kids rooms, cough. I did J’s yesterday and L’s today. I haven’t gone through their closets, or clothes to change out for the seasons, but I changed their sheets, picked up all the toys so you can see the floor and finished up all the laundry. It’s not that it takes a super long time, it just takes time, which I seem in short supply of.

Then I went to my orthodontist appointment for my Invisalign. Guys!!!!! They took off all my attachments and buttons, et al today - it feels so good to have smooth teeth again. I can’t describe it unless you know about it first hand, it’s just so nice. They are making me a retainer, which I’ll wear for 6 months during the day and another for night sleeping. Finito. It was SUPPOSED to be 12-18 months and it’s been 27. It was getting long in the tooth, pun intended. Here’s to hoping no more snags… she even ground down some uneven spots and it seems unreal to have straight and even teeth. Happy camper over here!

It took much longer that anticipated and I had to leave before finishing x-rays to head BACK across town again to pick up Lilith for her ballet class. She has another week of class then season ending performance next weekend. I take the time she’s in her lesson to walk the neighborhood there as they don’t let you in for practice. I typically can get in 2 miles, which I did today, and that always feels good.

I was able to do all the things on my to do list. Go to a yoga, get in a walk, drink my water and we even had family dinner together tonight.

Feeing accomplished and hopeful for heading back into work. They caused some stress my first week off requiring things so urgently it supposedly couldn’t wait until I returned tomorrow, and I verified with the team nothing else was needed, fingers crossed I don’t walk in to a hot mess in the morning.

No hot messes for us team xx

[tradwoof-tadashi]

At The Top Of My Lungs, No Sound Comes Out

(This fic is published on ao3 under the same title, on my ao3 as "just_a_dogboi". This work is incomplete with 6 chapters, but as ao3 is currently down, I am putting the first chapter here!)

Fic summary: Shen Jiu is targeted by a malicious being, attacking him through dreams and mysteriously draining his blood, leaving cryptic messages for him. Will he be able to clear away what's assaulting him before it kills him--or worse, replaces him?

(Has a good ending for him.)

Xiao-Jiu was 14, and he was alone.

Not in the physical sense, as Qiu Jianluo beating the hell out of him certainly counted as another person being present. But if he swallowed his pride and cried for help, if he cried at all, nobody would help him, or comfort him, no one would drive his master away or heal his wounds. In the only way that really counted to a slave boy, he was alone. 

Crying would be useless, so he did not. Showing his pain, or his anger, would only result in further torment, so he kept his face clear of all emotion. He was like a peerless immortal, unmoved by earthly matters. Hah, as if a slave like him would ever be one! Despite his obvious talent, he’d only escape here dead or as a criminal. And honestly, while he wasn’t afraid of dirtying his hands to escape, these days, the first option was becoming more and more appealing. 

 After what seemed like forever, it was over. 

“Do you know what you did?”

“This humble one was wrong to speak in such a way to his master. This humble one will never do such a thing again.” Did he feel the cold vacuum of dread, of hopelessness? Was it the fiery brightness of anger in his chest? Probably both.

“Kowtow!”

With his bruised and battered body, Xiao-Jiu kneeled.

While his head was down, he heard the thud, the sickening sound that accompanied it. His hands, his hands–

~~

Ah, not again. 

It had been a few months since Shen Qingqiu had had a flareup of nightmares. Honestly, he should have expected that it would happen soon, with his non-existent luck. Still, they usually weren’t that vivid, even if he did always wake up in a cold sweat… Eh, probably the heavens compensating for his few months of peace. Even Mu Qingfang’s supposedly infallible anti-nightmare potions can’t work forever. Not that he’ll complain to the man about it, given that he was never given permission to take them in the first place.

(Of course, it’s reasonable to guess that he knows. Shen Qingqiu’s qi deviations decreased at the same time his stores started regularly depleting. His spy network tells him that Mu Qingfang starts making a new batch in time for it to be ready the day Shen Qingqiu steals it, and Mu Qingfang has been making more remarks about how Shen Qingqiu should trust his shidi with any medical problems, as he is the Peak Lord in charge of dealing with such things. Of course, Shen Qingqiu has been very politely telling him to fuck off, but that’s how it always goes.)

Shen Qingqiu is going to assume that the nightmare only happened because Yue Qingyuan annoyed him to the point he forgot to take the potion 2 hours before falling asleep, and instead only took it just before. There is a reason he has a strict rule against intrusions in his home! Well, there’s multiple, but Yue Qingyuan has to be at least three, one way or another. Sadly, being sect leader, he can ignore Shen Qingqiu’s rules. Asshole.

Well, Shen Qingqiu isn’t going to let that affect his day. There’s a peak lord meeting tomorrow, unfortunately, and he needs to start preparations the day before. Problems that An Ding Peak is too inefficient to deal with at the pace they’re worth, Bai Zhan peak causing problems, clearing his time for a mission, because Yue Qingyuan has been wasting too much of it recently, and if he does not get away soon he actually will attack his sect leader with more than words. 

After he readies himself for the day, he calls over Ming Fan, and the brat nearly pulls his own weight. Of course, Shen Qingqiu had to correct his head disciple enough times he nearly ended  up with a headache, but children were annoying in general, that was nothing new. By the end of the day, the preparations are dealt with, his assistant teachers have informed him of what he needs to know about his students’ progress so he can add the good parts to his report, and Yue Qingyuan actually didn’t manage to make it to his bamboo hut. He should employ Ning Yingying to keep their sect leader away more often, she’s unintentionally good at it. 

And, he took the potion on time this time! Fuck you, Yue Qingyuan! This master will actually have a good night’s sleep without your meddling!

~~

Xiao-Jiu was alone, but she didn’t know that.

“Xiao-Jiu, do you like my new hair ribbons?”

“They’re lovely on you, Young Mistress.”

Qiu Haitang pouted, but it was marred by her giggling. “I told you not to call me that when it’s just us! A-Luo isn’t around to nag you for it, you don’t need to be so formal!”

“Yes, Youn- …A-Tang.”

This time her giggles were completely unaffected. She was always delighted when Xiao-Jiu showed how ‘close’ they were, and Xiao-Jiu had no choice but to do as she asked. He wouldn’t dare upset his master’s meimei, after all. 

“I thought Xiao-Jiu would like them! A-Hua said I would look silly, but I knew you would be right!”

How bold of A-Hua! Xiao-Jiu wouldn’t dare say it, even though she was right; Qiu Haitang really did look like a silly, naive little girl, giggling in silly ribbons. An older heart, cracked after too much time in fire, would hate her for the fact she truly was naive. But maybe he would miss that naivety, that innocence that was burned by the same flames. 

But this younger heart, unscorched, had no such burning fury.

“Don’t listen, A-Tang is lovely in any hair ribbons.” Because she was the only person who was kind to him, she was the only one who didn’t knowingly abandon him, and he couldn’t help but feel somewhat fond of her. She was trapped too. She just didn’t know this place was a cage. 

Qiu Haitang cooed. “Xiao-Jiu is always so sweet to this A-Tang!” She walked closer, looking bashful suddenly. “Does Xiao-Jiu…”

Dread. “What does A-Tang ask?” 

Blushing. “D-Does Xiao-Jiu love this A-Tang?”

No! No, he doesn’t! Can he say no, despite how Qiu Jianluo would hate him for breaking her heart? Can he say yes, despite how Qiu Jianluo would hate him for his presumption? He doesn’t know what to say. He needs to say something. He can’t anger her, what should he say?

“Xiao-Jiu is so quiet… does that mean he loves this A-Tang too?”

Fuck! Fuck! 

Ok, he was getting kissed by her now, that’s not too bad, it’s just a light touch, it’s nothing like with her brother–

“Xiao-Jiu! You dare take liberties with Tang-er?”

No! No!

“A-Luo!”

~~

Maybe he should formally complain to Mu Qingfang. Not in person, nothing that would attach his name to anything. An anonymous letter explaining that, after regular usage, the potion would stop eliminating nightmares, and begin to induce more vivid ones. This anonymous person is in no way someone you know, do not say anything about it to Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu! Also, fuck you, fix the problem!

Or, he could fight against Qian Cao Peak’s monthly request for more funds. Fix your damn product before begging! Mu Qingfang knew he was taking them, he could probably connect the dots! Would eliminate the chance of someone recognizing his or Ning Yingying’s calligraphy. He probably shouldn’t only use her to write letters he doesn’t want people to know came from him, it’s becoming too distinctive, meaning that there’s every chance that they’ll all be traced back to him regardless. Still, he can’t think of another person here he can trust.

Or maybe he’s only looking at silly ribbons and naivety. 

The Peak Lord meeting goes as expected. Or, it has the expected outcome given things that he did not expect. Liu Qingge actually shows up for once, and his complete lack of knowledge on what was happening in his sect would be amusing if it wasn’t deeply infuriating. It’s none of your business if he’s recently acquired treatment from Qian Cao Peak that was ineffective, go fuck off into the wilderness again! What happened to respect of your superiors, huh, shidi?

Probably hoping to avoid Liu Qingge trashing his peak during a brawl with Shen Qingqiu, Yue Qingyuan defuses the argument by saying that ‘Shen-shidi does raise a reasonable concern, you shouldn’t fight him over it, please don’t destroy my hall’. He didn’t actually say anything close to that part last, but it was obvious he was thinking it. After all, Shen Qingqiu knew that his concern wasn’t actually reasonable at all, he just wanted to start shit with Mu Qingfang! Liu Qingge, if your disciples can’t be healed after your next beatdown, it’s your fault!

He begins to question if Yue Qingyuan is feeling well when he agrees to instead give the budget increase to Shen Qingqiu. He wasn’t seriously asking for it, he was just trying to come up with an excuse for not wanting Qian Cao Peak to get the budget increase! This master gets enough needless shit from you, Yue Qingyuan! You’re just making this master’s reputation worse!

Unwanted budget increase from Yue Qingyuan, and unwanted scorn from his fellow peak lords secured, Shen Qingqiu skipped his work on Qing Jing Peak and went right to going down the mountain to the Warm Red Pavillion. He deserved a good night’s sleep after that godawful meeting. Not that meetings were ever pleasant, but what had even happened there? And he didn’t take a single anti-nightmare potion, because fuck you Mu Qingfang! The women here were far more comforting than that stupid potion, anyways!

~~

Xiao-Jiu just wanted to be left alone.

He hated when Qiu Jianluo was in a mood to yell at him, to criticize him, to mock him. But it was just words, they didn’t mean anything. He said plenty of words he didn’t mean to Qiu Haitang, there was nothing to prove he was less than a thing. That was honestly one of the easiest moods to deal with, because when it was over, it was over. No pain, other than maybe ringing in his ears. He could just get on with his existence. 

His moods when he wanted to beat Xiao-Jiu were bad, too. Sometimes he’d only beat him a little bit, and the bruises weren’t too hard to hide. Sometimes he’d break a rib, or choke him, and he’d have more trouble keeping that from Qiu Haitang. After all, one of the rules is that if Qiu Jianluo’s precious meimei ever learned what he was like, Xiao-Jiu would probably be killed. Actually, Xiao-Jiu isn’t sure what would happen, but given what his life is already like, that’s all he could think would abate Qiu Jianluo’s fury. It might not even be on purpose, he might just get so angry he’d beat Xiao-Jiu to death by accident. 

But his worst moods were when he was ‘kind’ to Xiao-Jiu. 

How kind of Master to teach his poor slave how to read! How kind of Master to teach his poor slave how to write some characters! How kind of Master to love his slave, to take him into his arms and fuck the life out of him! How kind of Master to give Xiao-Jiu the worst kind of pain, the kind that can’t be explained. 

It’s one thing to say his stomach hurts, that his arms are bruised, because he crashed into something. It’s harder to explain why he can’t walk, why he’s not eating the snacks Qiu Haitang snuck for him, why his jaw broke once. 

“Xiao-Jiu~”

The voice so close to his ear, the hot breath on his neck, causing physical pain due to contrasting with the deep cold down his spine. He can never leave this.

~~

“A-Jiu, did you have a nightmare?”

Ah, it was… one of the ladies of the Warm Red Pavillion. Not… not him.

“...I hope I did not cause meimei trouble.” He recognized the voice now. A-Yan.

A-Yan comfortingly stroked his hair. “Not at all, poor A-Jiu…” 

“...Do not pity me.”

“Ah, A-Jiu, can’t you tell by now we meimei don’t pity you, we’re concerned for you?”

He doesn’t have an answer for that. He doesn’t have an answer for how he somehow had a nightmare while he was here. That didn’t happen anymore, so he thought… Damn ineffective potions! Is he going to get every nightmare he would have gotten in the last few months now?

There’s no point in wasting energy over such things, he has work to do. Drowning himself in work he could just pass onto Ming Fan, the last nightmare begins to lose its grip on him. Huh, maybe that was why Mu Qingfang was a workaholic. He must lose plenty of patients, yet when that happened he just took over more work from his disciples. Or so his spy network told him, and generally such information was reliable. 

He really didn’t feel bad about taking the budget increase. If Yue Qingyuan wanted to waste sect money, that was his decision. 

He hates how emotional he gets when he’s sleep deprived. 

Back to work he goes! He may not actually care about anyone in this shitty sect, except Ning Yingying, but it’s his shitty sect! With plenty of shitty work to do! If any of his shitty disciples bother him now, he’ll definitely make them regret it!

Miracle of miracles, he doesn’t get bothered. Possibly, Ming Fan took one look at him and decided that he had less tolerance for bullshit than usual. He’d be right in that assumption. Whatever the reason, he manages to get work done, and not even one of his guest cultivators came to him with problems. 

To another nightmare he goes!

~~

XIao-Jiu is alone when he falls asleep. Actually, he knows he isn’t Xiao-Jiu right now, but one look at his dream self tells him who he must be. 

Well, unlike in the other nightmares he’s had, he knows he’s asleep. He presumes that this is yet another nightmare regarding Qiu Manor, which really is tiring. He’s had plenty of traumatic experiences, can he switch to a different one?

The answer is Qiu Jianluo’s laughter behind him.

He turns around, then wonders how he did that. It wasn’t as though he moved in the dream, he moved because he wanted to. In other words, he wasn’t an unwilling audience for his own shitty life, this was his mind’s own imaginings. How fun.

“Xiao-Jiu, you’re finally awake.”

Which mood is this? It’s hard to tell. Is Qiu Jianluo so cruel he’s happy? So happy he’s cruel? Well, if Shen Qingqiu is in a dream, he can do what he wants. He can ‘reveal’ his cultivation talent of his youth. He should still have it, right? His stance changes from a frightened one to a fighting stance. Qiu Jianluo only laughs.

“Do you really dare to act in such a way to your master? How impudent!”

Ah. So it’s ‘so angry he’s mad’. Fuck, Shen Qingqiu hated when his master was that mood. 

Qiu Jianluo lunges at him. Shen Qingqiu moves to strike, but Qiu Jianluo effortlessly blocks it. He pins Shen Qingqiu to the ground, oh no, not that, oh thank god he only moved to pull out a knife. A knife?

“Remember, that every part of you is mine to possess.”

Fuck, his upper arm hurts. Wait, he shouldn’t hurt in a dream! Wake up now, please! 

He doesn’t wake up. 

The blood oozes out of the wound, a familiar colour. Qiu Jianluo laughs as he bleeds.

~~

How strangely unsettling. He hasn’t had a dream like that before. The few times he knows he’s dreaming, he can wake up again when he wants. He definitely never feels pain in those dreams. He still feels the phantom pain of being cut, actually.

When he’s prepared himself to face his peak of incompetent annoyances, he steps out of his bamboo hut to find a disciple he hasn’t bothered to learn the name of nearby.

“Shizun!”

“Shouldn’t you be training?”

“Begging this disciple’s forgiveness! This disciple has found vandalism written in-”

“Report such trivialities to your teachers.” It’s too early in the morning for this.

“But, Shizun, it’s written in blood!”

Written in blood? Hmm, worth taking a look.

[fangirling-throughlife]

My brother was being an insufferable little bitch after being home for a full consecutive day after his gf left to her hometown, so my parents, instead of setting him straight and make him behave himself like they would've done with me when I was his age (20 next week), said "if you're going to sulk all the time, go stay with her for a week, we'll come and get you next weekend so we can have some family time™ before your sister leaves again (to go to fucking work because I'm an adult who doesn't get to behave like a bitch to get things to go her way)". So, I'm spending the three days I was promised cool stuff (a water amusement park, visiting my cousin who lives near a beautiful natural park with a river...) in the girl's family's unfinished cottage in the middle of nowhere, ignoring the little shit of my brother to avoid yelling at him for being a spoiled SoB and ruining my 2 weeks of holiday that's supposed to be relaxing to go back to work. So, as a summary, here's how that "amazing family time™" is going (after 7 hours here, admittedly it feels so much longer and I'm considering escaping):

1. I visited my best friend yesterday in her new city (2-hour drive away from my parents) and had to leave to sleep instead of going out like a normal 20-something because we had to leave on time today.

2. I didn't see Spain's winning goal because my mother had me running around the house doing stupid shit like make the bed (with a bedspread I'm not even using).

3. Had to change my CGM in a hurry, and it wasn't until we were on the highway that it gave an error alert that I had to change it (and, of course, I left my emergency back-up back in the house because a CGM works for 14 days usually). Cue panic attack.

4. Had to listen to a playlist we made in 2018 with Adele, Enrique Iglesias, Michael Bolton and the likes for over 3 hours at an insufferable volume. I've heard that playlist so many times that I can sing it to you from memory, and it was louder than my music in my earbuds at maximum volume.

5. Had to suffer extreme cold from the AC for 4 hours because my menopausal mother was hot.

6. Cue the house. Old, typical cottage in the middle of the mountains, everything is half-finished. Very old-style rooms, no nets at the windows to keep the bugs out (and there are a lot). No AC. There's a heatwave, which is supposedly less here up North, but I yet have to experience that, because it feels worse. The WiFi has to be unplugged at night (so, no fighting insomnia with YT or some show). The bathrooms are old, and I've been informed the upper floor's (my parents' and mine) doesn't get water. Everything is loud (the floors creak, the bed and the door squeak...). Her mother is sleeping here as well, so I've been instructions to be on my best behaviour (which should make them realise I'm here 110% against my will).

7. I've been outside for half an hour and have 6 mosquito bites. I've been in my room for 2 hours (pretending to sleep), and I've been kept awake by mosquitoes flying around, and have killed: 3 mosquitoes, 2 moths, 1 spider, 5 or 6 flies. There are 2 spiders I'm not daring to approach. The room is HOT, and I dozed off for 20-ish minutes and woke up drenched in sweat (and 2 new bites). And my glass of water has a dead fly in it.

8. Our plans for tomorrow fell through 3 times, and we still don't have set plans because "we have to call tomorrow to check their availability", I've been informed that we're supposed to stay almost the full day as well.

9. This town is called a town but is just a glorified street. You can't get groceries here.

I'm so tired and so uncomfortable in this stupid bug-ridden and sweltering hot room that I might request the car keys to sleep in there tomorrow. I'm sure the body ache resulting from that is still going to be worth the few hours of actual sleep I might get.

I can't believe that I'm almost 25, I have a full-time job, and I have absolutely no say on my holidays (I've informed my parents that I'm going on a retreat next year, and my mother was eager to join, so I told her that a "get the fuck away from everything and everyone" included not seeing anyone I knew). I saw my two best friends for a grand total of 9 hours, and did the middle-aged thing of going to a nice restaurant. I'm going to see another friend for a couple of hours before he has to go to work (because today didn't work). I'm tired and emotionally exhausted, and I'm 100% sure I'm going back to work in a worse mental state than I left. At least I'll be happy I'm away from this.

[theworldoffostering]

DD took off. Again. We had our kids at a local carnival tonight. It was $40/wristband for rides. We splurged and bought them for six kids (DD was supposedly working and planning to go a different day with a friend). Then got a text from her saying she was gone. So the night was ruined for DH and I as we tried to reach her and figure out where she was and what we needed to do to get her home.

I dropped her off at work today in her uniform. We discussed what time she was getting off of work and when she needed to be picked up (she no longer has a car because she totaled it and is saving for a new one so we drive her everywhere, and have never refused to drive her anywhere she has asked to go). Around the time she was supposed to get off of work she texted and said she made an impulsive decision and was two hours away “with a friend.”

Except it wasn’t impulsive as she had absolutely had this planned since at least yesterday. She clearly was not going to work but made it seem like she was so that was also planned. And someone clearly picked her up and drove her two hours, which I’m assuming they didn’t do on a whim.

It is SO incredibly frustrating to deal with all of this. We have jobs and other kids and are working hard to meet the needs of everyone. Just today I talked with her about a questionable decision she made last week and checked in with her about her mental health. I check in with her about her mental health daily. Tomorrow I’m driving her to a doctor appointment an hour away. Yesterday I explained that she needed to make an appointment to see her therapist (she’s literally had one appointment since she returned home in April). Yesterday DH picked up her medication from the pharmacy (she said she was too depressed to call and see if it was available for pick up so DH did that).

Add this in with the challenges that Ms. 6 is bringing to the table, DH interviewing for new jobs and resigning from his current job, me prepping a new class that starts in two weeks, and all of the back-to-school hoopla for everyone else, and I’m feeling fairly stressed.

I guess the silver lining is that she texted and picked up the phone when I called (then hung up on me), but did get in the Uber DH sent for her, and over $200 later (plus tip), she’s home.

It’s midnight. We did the carnival until 10. DD just got home. Tomorrow is going to be hard.

[genshinimpactlife]

Finally getting around to resending the Zhongchi ask- I’m so sorry for the wait I’ve been busy trying to ascend my characters. Again, i hope this isn’t breaking any rules, as last I checked it was fine.

So this follows a sort of soulmate au, where they have matching ‘tattoos’ the sort of symbolize the other persons bond and they’re really bright and colorful. Once childe arrives in Liyue, he meets Zhongli and realizes that he this is his soulmate because he got the sort of spark that happens when you meet your person.

Zhongli, doesn’t react and childe thinks that he must not want to get into a relationship without knowing the other and starts hanging out with Zhongli, going on dates and hanging out slowly falling completely in love.

And then the osial occurs, and childe hunts throughout the drowning city of Liyue to find his soulmate, and protect him doing little deeds like dragging little Qiqi out of the way of a wave and getting injured badly, when Qiqi offers to heal him he insists that he has to find his soulmate and runs off.

He arrives at the bank and… Zhongli is there handing his gnosis (AETHER?? Get it? Gnosis? No sis? Yes i have the same sense of humor as cyno) over to Signora and childe goes through the whole dialogue, neither of them paying enough attention ti see his damaged state, and Zhongli just… leaves him there.

Signora does her thing and is a total dick and he eventually annoys her enough she burns him, resulting in his soulmark being scarred over and him being overjoyed at no longer having the claim of being Zhongli’s soulmate on him.

Signora disgusted by his joy insists he stays in Liyue for another week and he can’t exactly argue as she is technically the overseeing the mission.

Meanwhile, Zhongli after leaving has a similar tingling feeling and stares at his mark, and realizes that a soulmark has formed, and is instantly confused onto… well why? He wants to ignore it but catches eye of the leaving ships and realizes… crap. He’s no longer an archon, and is now human, and therefore has a soulmark and realizes that Childe has already left, the one person who was supposedly meant to be his and love him unconditionally left without knowing he reciprocated.

Im so sorry this ask is such a mess I can’t remember what I originally wrote and it’s like… midnight and I just finished packing for a 6 hour drive tomorrow. Thank you for writing for this if you do, and if you don’t that’s okay! It’s just an idea that’s running circles in my head. Add an ending if you want to this wacky prompt because I lowkey gave up, and have a great year! Once again, sorry for the mess this is i just had to share. If you want a more in depth better worded ask, i guess just uH- reply to this one or just mention 👾 anon because that’s what I tend to sign my posts with.

Zhongchi Soulmate AU

Childe wasn't sure if or when he would ever meet his soulmate. But he hadn't expected it to happen in Liyue.

Childe had a strange-looking soul mark that nobody in Snezhana could identify on the back of his arm.

It wasn't until he saw it in Liyue that he finally knew what it was. It was Cor Lapis, a unique stone in Liyue.

He knew his soulmate had to have been from Liyue, and after a few days in Liyue, he finally found him.

Zhongli

He hadn't seen Zhongli's matching mark, but it didn't matter. Childe knew just from looking at him he must be the one.

Yet, Zhongli never said anything and acted as if Childe was no different than everyone else.

Childe could only assume Zhongli just wanted to get to know him first. So he started hanging around Zhongli, going on dates, and taking the broke old man out for dinners.

Childe was head over heels for Zhongli. He knew without ever having to see the mark that this was the man he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.

But tragedy struck with Osial, and all of Liyue was trashed.

Childe helped a woman trapped under a large piece of driftwood, ensuring she could get to safety once she was free.

As he was searching for Zhongli, a piece of a building fell right on Childe's head. He could feel the blood running down the back of his head, but he didn't stop looking for Zhongli.

At one point, another wave was looming over the city just as Childe approached a disoriented Qiqi. He swooped her up in his arms and managed to take cover behind a building, keeping her out of the rising water.

Qiqi kept repeating in her monotone voice that Childe was hurt and she would heal him. But Childe didn't let her, just getting her to safety.

With no idea where else to look, Childe ended up back at the bank just as Zhongli was handing over his Gnosis.

The following events broke Childe's heart, as Zhongli didn't even seem to care about him being there. Neither Signora nor Zhongli even noticed how injured Childe was.

Left Behind with Signora Childe was bitter, harping at Signora enough that she ended up burning Childe directly on his forearm.

Even with how badly it hurt, he was overjoyed by the fact that the mark was gone, which only irritated Signora more.

Within the next week of losing his Gnosis, Zhongli's own soulmate mark started to take shape now that he was human.

A Cor Lapis on his forearm just as Childe had.

Zhongli had developed feelings for Childe long ago, but he couldn't be with a mortal until he became one himself. So he had built walls up to keep his emotions at bay… and now he drove his soulmate away.

He ran out of his house, heading towards the docks, only to see the Fatui ships already off in the distance.

He let his soulmate leave, and Zhongli wasn't sure he would ever see him again.

I was a bit confused with a few parts of the description, so I do hope I got everything right 👾! I do hope to hear from you again, I'll add you to my anon list. Enjoy <3

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[stormz369]

If I Were Thin I Still Wouldn't Be Healthy

My dad is replacing my phone for me, which is very nice. But he's only doing it so I'll have one with enough memory for the Fitbit app, which my mom wants me to use. She wants me to use it because she's enjoying it, but she doesn't seem to take into account that my I have an incurable chronic condition that means that I cannot walk for more than a few minutes without intense pain, and that I wake up with pretty bad pain to start off. I've agreed to use it mostly to shut her up, but also a bit because I'm curious about the sleep data it apparently gives you.

The extra bands and charger arrived today, the Fitbit itself will arrive tomorrow supposedly. I haven't even got the phone yet, and won't until some time next week. I specifically asked my mom to hold off on getting the Fitbit until I had the phone and knew that it worked (cause we're getting it from a site that sells floor models and ones where the box was banged up), but fine. It's kind of her to get it for me, and it's kind of my dad to get me the phone. Can't complain.

She also sent me a scale. A smart scale, which you hook up to the Fitbit app and it tells you your BMI, body fat %, metabolic age, and a bunch of other stuff. BMI is a scientifically invalid way of gauging health which P.E. teachers liked to shout out in front of the whole class all throughout my elementary school years.

I was born 10 lb. and some number of ounces. I had no control over that. I've had a thyroid condition that makes it hard for me to lose weight and easy for me to put it on in the first place. I have no control over that either. People, usually doctors, have used my weight to shame me literally since the day I was born, and to shame my mom for the 6 months before that. Why did she think sending me a scale was a good idea? I've had a personal rule for myself since I was 10 years old that I would never own a scale, never use one outside of a doctor's office, so that my own home couldn't be a place where I would be made to feel ashamed for something that I have little control over.

I've worked so hard to love myself, to not feel like a bad person for having a popsicle, or a slice of cake for my birthday. It seems stupid for a scale to shake that, but it did. I've felt judged since this whole conversation started, but now ... Now I can't stop crying. I can't bring myself to tell my mom that I'll never use it, and there's no receipt, so I can't just slyly return it and use the money for something I might actually use.

Stupidly, what's most upsetting is that my mom said a while ago that she had some 'surprises' she was excited to send me. She has access to my various wishlists, so I thought maybe she had picked something from there, as a sort of 'good for you' for finally giving in on the Fitbit thing. I fantasied briefly that maybe she'd get me one of the big ticket items I've been wanting but could never afford myself. Even if she wanted to get me something healthy and not something fun, she could have gotten me a little bike pedal thing off my list (which is only a bit pricier than the scale she got me, I checked, and the scale was blessedly not very expensive), or some ankle and knee braces to make it easier for me to walk without my joints going all screwy. Instead she got me something that isn't on my list, that I don't want, and that is making my heart hurt.

I just want my parents to love me, to not be ashamed of my. But they just seem to care about my health, and the way they act about it makes it feel like they think it's my fault. The only encouragement I get from them is about my physical health, most of it coming at the expense of my mental health. My health continues to deteriorate, and I can't make it stop.

But I mustn't be ungrateful, because they're spending money to help me with my weight. My weight, which I was learning not to be ashamed of. Maybe they'll finally manage to shame me into being a shape they can be proud of, and I can stop feeling like this.

[goodjobsadie]

maaaan lemme tell y'all a silly little story about my day.

I am going to a wedding this weekend. I ordered little boots to go with a dress I have been saving. The tracking dropped off yesterday and idk if they'll come in time.

I only own doc martens and beat up sandals. no other style of shoe. no flats, not heels, period. ay. i'm also in no position to go out and buy more shoes.

could I borrow some shoes? I have size 6 feet, which is uh, pretty hard to come by. the only person I could think of who has small feet is my friend Ruby's sporty ass lil girlfriend. so in a long-shot I ask Ruby if Gaby has any heels. So Ruby looks around the apartment and then is like 'Gaby is really confused you gotta text her lol'. so I do and apologize and wait a few hours.

I left class early to go to a doctors appointment THAT IS TOMORROW. they told me whoops wrong day, and then a nurse chased me outside to say 'naw let's fit you in.' so I sat in a room until we came to the conclusion that the meds I need aren't in the system yet so we couldn't do it anyway. c'est la vie.

so I biked a few miles in the rain home, had a good laugh, ate dinner, etc.

Gaby finally texted me that she owns tan heels in a 6.5 that I can borrow for the wedding, god bless america. I really didn't see this one coming. I also hit refresh on the tracking info and supposedly, my package will arrive tomorrow.

and this is all without mentioning that I started my day by talking to a guy who was dressed like Luigi walking by my house. remembering that i talked to a weird guy dressed as Luigi is kinda like the morning I was walking to work and found an unopened undamaged box of granola bars on a bridge and forgot about them till the evening when I got home. like it's just a little reminder that reality is flimsy, time is subjective, and that this current timeline is definitely broken.

[thenightmistress]

How do you find the motivation to ride??

Hello darling, my sincerest apologies. I do understand how late this is and it is my fault. The writer’s curse is quite real. I’ve had an eventful two years. To answer your question is that the motivation to write comes from the character in the stories. I am currently in a Video Production program (which is another reason I haven’t had the time to write along with school) and this allows me to see everything in a much more creative/in-depth way. I create the OC and put myself into their mind. I take inspiration from the world that I place them in, the gender norms, the societal expectations from that era and also a bit of inspiration from my life and create a space for the ideas to flow. I currently have 4 different renditions of “Love is irrelevant to people like us” Part 6 in my drafts but they are not the best. To write is to take the strong emotions and turn it into a person, give them a background, adjust it a bit to fit (especially if you’re inserting them into an already established universe) and see what comes to mind.

(I am sorry for my leap of absents but there is supposedly heavy snow tomorrow which means a day off which means I get a chance to sit down and reacquaint myself with Azrael Drakos and Morpheus)

[leaving-anorexia-behind]

27/01/24

Part 6

Last night was the closest I've been to ending my life in here. I had the perfect plan but just as I was about to get out of bed at midnight, it suddenly occurred to me that my nearest relative could discharge me against medical advice. So I lay back down and started thinking.

This morning, I got up and was finally weighed. 1.5kg down in 4 days, supposedly, meaning I'm under the agreed weight band for residential. I don't trust their scales or them as I never drop like that. They're obviously tampering with them to try and trick me into eating more. Well it won't work. Meds up next and I took them with a polite thank you and walked off. I finally had my first shower in nearly a week and did my washing. Anything to appear less depressed. Plus my dad is visiting me tomorrow and I need him to believe I'm ok.

I'm an awful person for trying to trick my dad like this. It's just I'm desperate and I don't know what else to do. I want to pass away as peacefully as I can and my dad will eventually understand.

This afternoon one of the nurses told me to cheer up. How on earth can you be happy in a place like this?! Also, I'm trying to be less miserable, is it that obvious?

I'm already very nervous for Monday.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this Week # 145 (Year 3/Week 41):

The Axe, a French thriller by Costa-Gavras, about a laid-off executive at a large paper manufacturing firm, who fruitlessly tries for 2 years to find another new job. Eventually he becomes desperate enough that he starts killing his job competitors. A bit like Walter White, it's a roundabout critique of turbo-capitalism and corporate greed, served under a facade of black humor. 6/10.

🍿

Javier Barden x2:

🍿 Another biting anti-corporate comedy, the Spanish The good boss, a week in the life of Anton Chigurh as a charismatic factory owner. Like a benevolent father to his employees, he seems helpful and understanding - as long as it suits his very self-centered needs. Manipulative and Machiavellian, it's hard to take your eyes off him. 9/10.

🍿 Only my 4th Michael Mann movie, the King of LA crime city at night, the terrific thriller Collateral. A west-coast 'Taxi Driver' action thriller, with Tom Cruise as a killing Terminator, that like a bunny, dosen't stop. It starts with a quiet, beautiful prelude at the cab, and ends, after a long action-adventure, with the same couple who survived a long, bloody adventure, walking the streets at dawn, and [like the end of 'Midnight Run'] can't find a cab to take them home. 8/10.

🍿

Bekas ("Up and away"), my first Kurdish film from Iraq [actually, it’s a Swedish production, directed by an Iraqi-born Swedish director]. Beautifully set in yellow tint in bare desert landscapes, it's about 2 young brothers, orphans with nobody to care for them. After seeing a Superman movie in the poor village where they live, they decide to travel to America and meet their hero. (Photo Above).

The trailer doesn’t represent its simple mood. 7/10.

🍿

The mirror, my 4th unique meta-film by prosecuted Iranian director Jafar Panahi, about a little girl trying to find her way home. Mina is a second grader whose mom didn't pick her up from school, so she takes off on a scary journey through the dangerous, chaotic streets of Tehran (3 accidents are seen in the background).

But in the exact middle of this sweet, empathetic kid-film, the little girl is heard saying 'I don't want to to be in this movie any more', and the second half follows her clandestinely from across the streets, as she's supposedly no longer play-acting. The distinction between reality and make-belief is blurred and kept unexplained.

100% on Rotten Tomatoes.

🍿

"Haider, that burrito wouldn't budge"

Haider, an interesting 3 hours Indian adaptation of 'Hamlet', the director's 3rd part of a Shakespeare trilogy (After Macbeth and Othello). Set on the background of the modern day conflict in Kashmir, it's filled with cinematic anachronisms like Kalashnikov battles in snowy graveyards, and queen Gertrude strapping a belt of hand granades and suicide kills herself. Poetic and rich, it uses dozens of beautiful locations to tell the Oedipal story of murder and revenge.

Unfortunately, there are only a couple of song/dance numbers, the gravediggers scene, and the Nightingale Bismil dance.

🍿

2 with Adèle Exarchopoulos:

🍿 My 4th gay drama by Ira Sachs, Passages, his latest and the least enjoyable of them. A love triangle between a married male couple in Paris, one of whom falls in love with Adèle Exarchopoulos. But this small 'unconventional wrinkle' didn't elevate the flat narrative. Especially when the main character was such a flawed, vain and unsympathetic man. 3/10.

🍿 In Zero Fucks Given she brilliantly plays a young stewardess at a low-fare carrier based in the Canary Island. After the death of her mother in a car accident, her life is rudderless, emotionally stunted, hard. Like the cinematic style of the story, episodic, sporadic, without relief. 8/10.

🍿

“...Love is a most reckless thing…”

Another subversive Douglas Sirk melodrama, There's always tomorrow. Gender roles at the heart of American conformism of the 1950's. A toy manufacturer who feels unloved and un-appreciated by his middle-class family, meets a woman from his past. But no impropriety must disturb society's natural order; Even his children know that. 7/10.

🍿

2 Danish thrillers+ 2 delightful bonuses:

🍿 The Keeper of Lost Causes, my second of the Danish detective series about 'Department 'Q', which deals with "cold" homicide cases (after 'A conspiracy of faith'). Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Fares Fares are the detectives demoted to work out of the basement in the typically-engaging Nordic Noir. Unfortunately, the story turns into horror when a sadistic psychopath kidnaps a woman and keeps her locked in a pressure chamber. 5/10.

🍿 Hærværk ("Vandalism"), a faithful adaptation of Tom Kristensen's classic novel about a 1920's newspaperman who self-destruct. Like 'Druk', and 'Under the volcano', 'Days of wine and roses', etc. it's a senseless and tedious descent into the depth of desperation and self-loathing.

🍿 Dexter Gordon playing in Montmartre Copenhagen and Oscar Peterson Trio with Guest Dexter Gordon, both from 1969. Montmarte was the heart of European jazz world at that time. Perfections!

🍿

The Trotsky, a very thin Canadian comedy about a 17-year-old student who believes that he’s the reincarnation of Leon Trotsky, so he starts agitating for a Russian-style revolution at his Jewish Montreal high-school. This joke premise is quickly exhausted, and the class struggle aspect is played for laughs. Small roles for 'Lee Donowitz' Saul Rubinek and 'Megan Draper' Jessica Paré. One plus for a dream sequence that replays the baby carriage scene from 'Battleship Potemkin'.

🍿

The Burial, a David and Goliath legal drama about a flamboyant Johnnie Cochran-style lawyer who takes a case from small-time funeral home director Tommy Lee Jones, and - Surprise, motherfuckers! - wins big against an evil corporation. Old cliches of black identity, southern graciousness and old racism tropes makes this a shallow and forgettable effort. That that's even before they get into the second half of the movie, which they spend in trial; I can't stand fake courtroom dramatizations. 2/10.

🍿

Chantilly Bridge is a chick-flick TV movie that is apparently a continuation of a previous story from 20-30 years ago. This ensemble piece of all-female older actresses cast about long-term friendship, an all-talking"Big chill" for women. It doesn't have a Wikipedia page yet, but glowing IMDb reviews. Unfortunately, I couldn't finish it.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[dzpenumbra]

7/1/23

I'm happy to be able to visually see myself getting in better shape. I really didn't realize how sedentary I had been. Every summer I have had trails to walk and rivers to comb for stones, and this summer I don't. I rarely leave my apartment at all. I think it's one of the first years I've been like this since I started getting really into hiking.

Now? If I want to go to the National Park near me, it's gonna be a $50 car rental, plus an entry fee to the park. Unless I can find a different place. My #1 top priority "will rent a car for this no matter what" trip is finding a stone beach somewhere. I will legit pull an all nighter (like every night) and just stay up, drive there at... well... around now, around 6 or something, and just spend all day barefoot combing the beach for cool rocks. That is a fucking dream come true.

I wish I had more uses for stones and stuff, like artistic uses. There's always jewelry but tumbling takes so fucking long, and wrapping them is a skill I just haven't really fully grasped. Well... that all comes with practice, doesn't it?

So yeah, not going out has done much more damage to me than just social deprivation, it's actually affecting my physical health. My blood pressure, my cholesterol, my weight. But doing yoga and exercise every day has really been getting me back in shape and I'm really happy for that.

I didn't do a ton today. The usual, really. Yoga, workout, games. Then I did a stream for a few hours. Started with watching skate videos while eating dinner, I like it. It feels less lonely than watching videos alone, even if no one is watching with me.

Some guy came back who... last time I saw him was super fucking rude in my chat. I barely know this guy. He raided my stream right when I was setting up a new Rimworld colony (with like 4 viewers) and I was explaining the whole story so far... like... setting up the plot for the stream. So he raided at the perfect time to get a summary of the plot so far, leading to the beginning of the playthrough. And this motherfucker, as I'm telling the backstory, is spamming @ me in the fucking chat, like 4 or 5 times. And I'm like... "yes, what's up, I'm trying to set up the story." And he goes... "how you been?" I had like 4 or 5 people there from past streams and shit who were there for the Ideology setup and all that, so... there were people invested in the story already... and this dude is spamming chat to ask me how I've been when he doesn't actually care. I was a hair away from banning him, and honestly... I probably should have. I can't remember the last time he was in my chat and actually gave a fuck about what was going on in the stream. He just fucking talks about himself and his stream and the games he plays.

Good lord, I know too many fucking people like that. Is that why they seek out small streamers? So they can just talk about themselves on someone else's stream and just make the entire thing about themselves? Like calling a radio station and just rambling on the phone about yourself until they cut you off? Is that what this is? Ugh.

Well, today, he decided to tell me that he is going hiking tomorrow. And he lost 20 pounds. And he still plays Rocket League. And he snowboards, but doesn't like skateboarding for no reason at all. As my entire stream at that point was watching skate videos and eating. Kinda fuckin weird, in hindsight. It really sucks when it's just you and one or two other people, if they start to dominate and you... you know... lead the stream... because you're the streamer and they're tuning in to watch you... supposedly... then they get pissy. It's fucking weird. It's like... I don't know, I feel like it's kind of a residual habit of people being on social media too much, and seeing a chatroom on Twitch and thinking it's Twitter and they're the star or something. I don't know.

Anyway, he left after like 10 minutes. Right when I transitioned into working on the visualizer. I did that for a few hours, made another cool kaleidoscope-themed one. Total of about 3.5 hour stream. And then I ended stream and played Hades for the rest of the night. And Hades is pretty kick ass, I like it a lot so far.

And that's about all for today, honestly. I want to get outside more, so maybe I can get out for a walk tomorrow if the weather is nice? And I got an email this morning from my landlord saying they're doing an annual event at my building where they do like a parking lot party, and there are games and shit, like axe throwing and shit. That's gonna be pretty sweet. I'm thinking of going. I mean... if it gets weird and awkward or uncomfortable, I can just go back to my apartment, it's right there. It's just been so fucking long since I've done any stuff like this. Like going to a fair, or a farmers market or something. It's been... close to 4 years? I think I went to one social event about a year into the pandemic, my therapist at the time went with me and I brought my dog. It was an art thing, I don't really know how to describe it, like demonstrations and workshops and shit. But that was like... the only thing I've been to since... since rock climbing on my birthday in October of 2019. That's a long fucking time. That's like... a full college degree worth of time.

I don't know why it spooks me. Maybe because I'm in my late 30's and I think the only people my age that might even be there are like... guaranteed to have kids. Maybe it's just because I'm alone. The more I think about it, I don't think it's this "out of practice" excuse my reflexes keep coming up with. I think it's just going to be a naturally awkward situation for me, considering I'm an introvert. I will be a lone person in their late 30's, and I do not typically like approaching people. It's always been awkward for me, no one in my family is remotely like that, and no one in the social circles I grew up in, and my family talked a lot of shit about people like that... extroverts... so... It's not really formed into my natural behavioral patterns at all, and I get a lot of reflexes saying "bad things will happen if you just approach people". Like... okay, maybe an example. If I, as a single childless man in his late 30's, went up and complimented a woman on how well behaved their child was being... my reflexes tell me that's weird and something bad will happen. My logical brain says... "if you said that to your older brother, he'd be really happy someone acknowledged it." My reflex mind goes, "you're going to weird people out". And that inner conflict is very stressful.

But again, as weird as it sounds? If I had cigarettes? I'd be fine. Not even kidding. If I had cigarettes, I'd have a box of 20 tickets out of social situations with no questions asked. Because 90% of people do not want you smoking near them. So... you can just say "I'm going to walk away from you right now without having to explain myself, because I will be smoking this plant, and you don't want me doing that around you. In fact, we have a designated area to do that." Then I can take my overwhelm or whatever and bring it over to a bench and just sit there and stare off at a plant or a wall or something, and take deep breaths and chill a bit. Dude, I am tempted to get a non-nicotine vape just for this purpose. I don't know if there are any actual... healthy vapes. I would just vape weed, but good lord would that make the problem 10,000 times worse. Hmm... I'm going to have to look into this. I was just picturing myself going to a smoking bench and like... chewing in a stick or something. But actually smoking something, even if it isn't nicotine, or even technically smoking... that would not just replace the ritual but make me blend in better.

Fucking crazy how... you just learn really specific ways of living. And then people give you shit and tell you you're unhealthy because of the way you learned how to live, and you want to be smart and live healthier, so you just start stripping "bad habits" completely unaware that it's absolutely a game of Jenga. Sometimes those habits are really important ones, that do much more than just fill a chemical need. Like my old thing with eating ice cream every night. It wasn't so much about the sugar, or the dairy, it was about emotional comfort in a time of grief. It's much easier (for me, at least) to just sweat out physical withdrawals as my body adjusts, than it is to form an entirely new way of grieving. So when you get it in your head that what you're doing is just quitting a chemical dependency, but you are unaware that you are also removing a social anxiety coping tool, a stress regulation tool, a weight management tool, a time/attention regulation tool... it gets fucking messy.

Anyway, point being... I need to get out in the world more. I'm definitely feeling it. First is a walk, I really need to get some sticks to use as stakes for my tomato and beans (my beans are both already over a foot tall). Then trips to the skatepark. Maybe a farmer's market visit on sunday? It's only about 2 blocks away. All working up to the parking lot party thing on the 12th. I can do it. I have been streaming effortlessly, and talking to people completely naturally. I just need to show myself that I can do it, and gradual increments help a lot. Also, AirPods. AirPods help a lot.

Tarot time, it's getting super late again.

Past - Eight of Swords, inverted (Feeling trapped and powerless. Being conditioned and complacent, not being able to see objectively.  But if you can, this is an opportunity to remove yourself from that trap.) Present - Page of Swords (Childlike awe and wonder, epiphany. Encountering wisdom but unable to process it.  Keen intellect, strong will, but lacks context and experience.) Future - Three of Cups, inverted (Celebration, calling in good fortune, joy.  Social gathering, a heartfelt belonging in a community.)

This one starts with inverted Eight of Swords. Eight of Swords represents self-imposed limitations. Meh, maybe that's not the best way of putting it, because The Devil is also about self-imposed traps (though it's much more about indulgence and impulse gratification traps, imo). Eight of Swords feels like the world imposing a trap, but a shift in perspective from the sufferer reveals that it's really just an illusion.

This is connected to Page of Swords in the Present position. Page of Swords is the embodiment of epiphany. The excitement of discovering and revealing the truth.

And this is connected to inverted Three of Cups in the Future position. Three of Cups is about social gatherings with friends.

What does this mean? Hmm... I would see the inverted Eight of Swords being the residual effects of peer pressure and just... shitty social treatment. How it keeps me bound and frozen, feeling like there is danger all around, but I am bound with ribbons and the danger only appears that way. When really, I'm the same person I was before all that, and I can just go and be like I was before. That sorta... trap that was built by others, but I keep myself in it... kinda thing. The inversion I would see as how deep I have fallen into it, how much its interfering with my life. The Page of Swords is the epiphany, the big realization, but also... not really knowing what to do with it. Like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia is kinda where I would see it inverted, this luckily is upright. So... there are still some blemishes with the Page, but the awe and wonder and excitement makes it worth it. Now... what I'm struggling to connect here is... how the Page of Swords connects to inverted Three of Cups. Inverted Three of Cups... I mean, if I take it super literally would be... something preventing me from going to a party. Which is like... I mean, I literally just wrote about that. So... okay. I mean... is this a warning? Like... hmm... gears are turning. So the Eight of Swords says the cause... the Page of Swords shows what I'm doing about it... which is a great realization but not really knowing what to do with it... and the Three of Cups shows the result... that not knowing means I don't go. The doubt, the feeling incapable and "not ready" means I don't go, and I miss out on making connections. Meeting people. I guess I was reading a bit too deep, it seems to make pretty clear sense.

Placeholder card? Five of Cups. Fucking again. I swear, I literally got this last night. And I shuffled the fuck out of the deck, I always do. If anyone wants to do the math on pulling the same card in the same position in a 4 card draw in a 78 card deck... feel free. Five of Cups is grief and suffering. It's not a fun card. It definitely shows the dominant force behind this whole narrative. Loss/grief/suffering caused the Eight of Swords, discovery and analysis of the loss/grief/suffering narrative was the Page, and the continued echoes of the loss/grief/suffering cause the disruption in social gatherings.

So again, the lesson is... take care of the grieving self. Self-care. Be kind and loving to myself. And these traps will start to fall apart on their own - like in yoga when you struggle to get into a pose because you're involuntarily tensing up muscles that are preventing you from getting into it, and then you learn to relax them and it just... happens - and I will start to reintegrate with more ease.

[duck-era-lexi]

thoughts on the MCU spider man films ( w/ tom holland)

spider man: homecoming - 5/10 spider man: far from home - 7/10 spider man: no way home - 6/10

(ranking tmr morning!!)

omg. omfg. i have to take a breath. 

so unlike with the amazing spider man 2, i was not spoiled by a death. but like the amazing spider man, this series ends on a supposedly happy, but very tragic note. i also just watched tasm yesterday so i found myself comparing it to this one a lot. but i think genuinely, the mcu spiderman has a lot of flaws and also was 100% not what i expected it to be. 

first off, tom holland’s spiderman is not “spiderman.” i feel like he only starts to feel like spiderman in the third film, because he’s alone and the world is against him. but even then it’s weird, because doctor strange is there to help him but then he himself ties up the one person who can help him? peter is dumb in this film, not like andrew garfield emotionally dumb but he is incredibly immature and frustrating to watch. this is definitely made for younger audiences, but genuinely peter says it himself: he causes all his problems, and not in a subtle way either. i mean i’m glad they’re consistent throughout all the films but i personally get really annoyed when characters are like this. like in the flash, barry gets fucked over again and again because he just doesn’t kill people and he wants to save them, whatever. it’s just a little silly hearing peter in the third film saying he wants to save all these people and aunt may’s like, yes, you did the right thing absolutely 100% that makes sense 

so much of these films i was like, “it’s gotta be a marvel thing.” because the bad jokes that are not funny at all, the modern day references and the high tech- which i definitely know is one. it’s not the high tech that bothers me but the fact that the movies acknowledge problems with tech and stark industries and then don’t really do anything to grow from that point. like throughout the first and second movies it’s clearly a problem how much of peter’s power comes from his suit, and nothing ever comes from that??? in the third movie they just kind of forget about it. 

i have more to say but i’m tired and tomorrow’s a long day. basically:

- i like the NWH ending. bcuz i like CONSEQUENCES. it’s sad, but peter deserved it 100% bcuz he’s a dumbass

- but also: what was that post credits scene? like yeah i don’t get the context but i don’t know how that would even make sense in context. 

- looking at all the spidermans side by side it’s clear that 1) tobey maguire is the best and 2) andrew garfield’s likeability 99% comes from the way he acts around gwen

- i miss gwen

- the first spider man is literally a middle school story like i cant believe they’re 15. nfw those are the most immature 15 yr olds ever

- the second spider man i’m biased because i’ve watched it before but i think it’s the coolest and it’s the most fufilling. like spider man’s arc SHOULD end with him confessing to mj, yk

- the third spider man is dark but we needed it. but seriously, the plot is so stupid and the characters are so stupid and this is just a stupid movie. unless you don’t think about it and you just focus on the pretty colors and the crying. idk

- ned is seriously never not annoying. the only time i liked him is when he was doing shit, which was like never but also specifically in NWH when he makes the portals appear with mj. he works better with mj than with peter because he doesn’t really have a relationship with peter. like yes they’re besties but they don’t have the kind of bestie banter or any chemistry like at all

- iron man sucks! we hate corporate greed 

dat’s all. i need to sleep