#tortie’s poetry

[frankenstein-garbage-dump]

Cosmic Kitty is a poetry zine that I made for my cat. You can get a copy here, and it’d really mean a lot to me! Part of the profits go towards buying her things like food.

[tortiespaw]

i miss who i once was

i yearn for times that are long forgotten memories,

times where the energy would be blinding,

a personality that was open and caring,

just wanting wishing to feel better,

better than what i once was,

better than i was now,

but now all there is left is a lump in the sheets,

hollow and void,

dim and bleak,

wondering where everything went wrong,

i wasn’t getting better,

they said i would get better,

how did everything come to this?

the energy replaced by ghosts of time,

haunting and wailing their soft cries,

their sandy clocks running on endless time,

time i felt i no longer had,

i miss who i once was,

happy on the outside even when everything knocked me down,

that hope and wonder continually brightening and building,

even when it shouldn’t have been there,

even if it was for a moment,

even if it was false,

continually hoping aching that i would get better,

they said i would get better,

i’m my own greatest enemy now,

no longer the world,

no longer those around me,

and all that there is left to thank is myself,

this is my downfall,

this is where everything becomes null,

an absolute zero sum,

i miss who i once was.

i’m sorry for who i have become.

[officialclangen]

Something is rustling in the grass...

Hello, dear furends, gather round! The breeze off the lake is cool and refreshing, and the freshkill pile is stocked full. All cats will eat well tonight— though in leaner times, harsher times, purrhaps some cats may find themselves lashing out at their Clanmates... The world is wonderful, ever-growing, but all the more dangerous fur it. It's time ClanGen expanded to match.

ClanGen v0.11.1 has released, available now via auto-updater or https://clangen.io/download

Feature: Freshkill pile & nutrition system

Feature: “Destroy accessory” button

Content: Lakeside Forest Background

Content: Murder for the new year

Content: expanded scars: "HINDLEG", "BACK", "QUILLSIDE", "SCRATCHSIDE", "TOE", "BEAKSIDE", "CATBITETWO", "SNAKETWO", "FOUR" Expanded tortie: 'FRECKLED' white patches: 'BLAZEMASK', 'TEARS'

Content: Sibling and constrained patrols

Content: weights and mates

Content: expanded war events

Content: more patrols

QOL: Cat List UI Update

QOL: same sex setting update

QOL: update for freshkill switch

QOL: Patrol type decision enabled in classic

QOL: updated credits list

QOL: change to poetry

Plus many more bug fixes, tweaks to events and patrols, and more!

[dialogues-across-centuries]

Thank you @becomingapoet for tagging me. 🙏 I've never done anything like this, so it should be fun! 😊

1. Are you named after anyone?

I'm named after two people, actually – my first name is my dad's (Tim/Timothy), and my middle name is my grandfather's (Michael).

2. When was the last time you cried?

Twice this morning. 😆 I'm a super watery person, so it doesn't take a whole lot to move me emotionally lol.

3. Do you have kids?

Not of my own (in the biological sense), but I do have a 12-year-old stepson who lives with my partner and I half the time, and his dad the other half. There aren't really any words I can say that will do him justice, but he's a wonderful guy, and we have a great relationship. He's helped me grow as a person more than pretty much anyone I've ever met.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not in the traditional sense. My partner and I have a few semi-sarcastic inside jokes between us, but they're really quite light-hearted and silly — they're never at anyone's expense or anything like that. (I'm also on the autism spectrum, so I'm admittedly not very good at detecting sarcasm lol. Sometimes I even have to ask her whether she's joking about something or not.)

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I notice different things about people at different times/in different situations, but one of the most common is how they treat others.

6. What���s your eye color?

My eyes are brown, but they also appear green at times.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I am a definite lover of happy endings, but I'm also a great lover of the macabre, so that's a tough one. I would say my natural preference for peaceful resolution comes out on top, though.

8. Any special talents?

Other than poetry, I'm pretty good at divination, especially via Tarot, astrology, geomancy, and dream interpretation.

Bonus secret talent — I used to be a decent rapper in my late teens/early 20s, which, in all honesty, is where I got my start in poetry.

9. Where were you born?

I was born in St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada, but I've lived in Niagara Falls for pretty much all my life, other than two brief periods in Toronto and Hamilton.

10. What are your hobbies?

As an autistic person, my "hobbies" are more like all-encompassing obsessions that I can neither live nor function without. 😆

That being said, I spend a great deal of time studying and practicing esoteric traditions like alchemy, astrology, Kabbalah/Qabalah, Tarot, & ritual magic — and my partner Julia and I also do a lot of teaching in this realm through a blog we run called Spiral Sea Tarot.

I also love studying a number of different world religions, comparative mythology, psychology, philosophy, art, & literature.

I am also a great lover of Chinese/Taiwanese tea and tea culture. I'm especially fond of puerh — a post-fermented tea that undergoes a gradual transformation over several years from a vibrant, yellowish brew to a complex, earthy red.

11. Do you have any pets?

We have a highly-strung, but always lovable muted tortie cat named Maeby.

12. What sports do/have you played?

Mostly baseball, but I've played a bit of hockey, football, and volleyball as well.

13. How tall are you?

6'1"

14. Favorite subject in school?

English and Psychology

15. Dream job?

I'd love for my partner and I to be able to do our work together on a larger scale, and in more of a full-time capacity than life currently allows. You can't really beat doing what you love with the person you love doing it with!

I haven't been here long enough to get to know anyone yet, so I tag anyone who is reading this. Thanks for your time! 🙏

[nebulousfishgills]

flower asks!

white carnation, jasmine, azalea, bluebell, tigerlily, aster (lol), lavender, and/or freesia

Thanks for the ask! This one's a long one so buckle up.

White Carnation - Would you ever want to get a piercing? Where?

This may sound funny, but I have zero piercings (not even my ears) and I highly doubt I'll ever get any. It's just never appealed to me, idk. My grandma never pierced hers, she always wore clip-ons.

Jasmine - Describe your dream partner or best friend. What kind of personality traits do they have?

All my friends I would consider my "dream" friends (my irls and if we're friends on Tumblr you also count). As for dream partner... I mean, I'm not sure. I guess someone who's nice. They should be supportive of me and, to quote a thing my mom sent me, "the weird little things that make my heart happy." Someone who makes me excited to wake up in the morning and who would take me to the theatre once in a while. Someone who encourages me to be the best version of myself. Also someone who can take my darker sense of humor and keep me grounded when I inevitably become a whirlwind of undiagnosed adhd or whatever the fuck I have. Also some blue eyes, same as my mom blue eyes can make me absolutely weak.

That was a tangent, but I am a writer so-

Azalea - What is the most recent song you've listened to? How do you feel about it?

Okay this is gonna sound completely fucking unhinged, especially since it's so short, but last night I had Busted from Phineas and Ferb on repeat for like, three hours as I was doing a doodle because it came across my youtube feed and I realized it's like... exactly like a major scene I have planned for a fic, just without the musical swagger.

Cut to me fifteen minutes into this loop alone in my dorm room pretending I'm [Unnamed Character A] telling off [Unnamed Character B] for [Unnamed Event].

Bluebell - Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names?

I'm currently separated from them by "educational distance" but I have two kitties at home, a Tortie named Jackie and an Orange Boy Cat named Maggie (He has a more feminine name because PetSmart told us he was a girl when we adopted him since they *said* they did a spay operation... but then he had to get a surgery where they told us he was a boy... but by then Maggie had stuck and we'd already gone through three hours of arguing on what to name him in the first place).

Tigerlily - Do you have any favorite quotes from any movies, tv shows, books, or poetry? (Or from people in real life)

Y'all, I have a million favorite quotes from a million things. For now I'll give you one of each

Movie: "Ghosts are real. This much I know. There are things that tie them to a place, very much like they do us. Some remain tethered to a patch of land, a time and date, the spilling of blood, a terrible crime. But there are others-- others that hold onto an emotion, a drive, loss, revenge... Or love. Those-- They never go away." -Edith Cushing in my all time favorite movie, "Crimson Peak."

(I'm also like, 99% sure I'm being followed by a ghost or spirit of some sort so)

TV Show: I'm pretty sure me saying Henry's fifteen minute monologue in Stranger Things is cheating since that's, like, many many quotes, but I'll say it anyways because those fifteen minutes were life changing.

Book: I wish it was easier for me to find a quote, but unfortunately all my books are packed away for move-out in a couple weeks. My memory is eluding me so just pretend like I either said something really profound or something extremely stupid.

Play: "You're still beautiful." "You don't have to lie to me." "It's not lying, it's looking at things another way." From Wicked, my favorite musical (am I basic for that, maybe). Seeing this on Broadway last summer was a religious experience and I'm gonna have another one when I see it from the seventh row next year.

(I changed it to play because, fun fact, I don't read poetry that much. Another thing from my mom, she hates poetry... bear in mind this woman has a BA in English)

Real Life: "People are like 'you're weird' and I'm like 'yes, I've been waiting sixty years to get that compliment'" -my history professor. The man's said so much wild shit this semester I have an entire discord channel devoted to recording his quotes, dude's a legend.

Aster - Do you have any fictional crushes on any movie, tv show...

...

Okay I had a collage I made of every character I've had a crush on, lemme see if I can find it so I can be concise.

(One frantic search later)

It's not fully updated, so lemme just make one rq, every character I actively have a crush on (give or take one or two):

Moving on.

Lavender - What's currently on your mind (aside from the ask game)

How much of a degenerate I am.

No, but in reality, I have two packages I'm waiting for and I keep obsessively tracking them because I'm terrified they'll not get to me before my move-out date.

Freesia - What do you want people to remember you for? Serious or not serious answers.

I can say my writing in a serious and a not serious way. Remember me for my s tier descriptions and remember me for whatever the fuck this is:

[smokeclan-oc]

Gravelstone - dark tortie point Siamese tom with bright blue eyes

Family: Snowy (mother, deceased), Storm (father, deceased), Frecklepath (littermate, sister), Sablewhisker (younger brother), Frozenmist (younger sister) Gender / Sexuality: Tom / pansexual (whore) Personality: The Emo Kid | “I’m just a kid, my whole life is a nightmare” | depressed cuz he wanted to get laid and is now a caretaker of two kits. Hates that he has daddy energy. Backstory:  Gravel was born of Snowy and Storm, two loners in a farm town, with his sister Freckle. In loner culture, when a cat reaches twelve moons old, they can go off on their own and find love, or whatever. Gravel was two moons from a year when Storm came home with an illness. The illness took his life, as well as Snowys, leaving Gravel and Freckle healthy, and two young kits. Now tasked with caring for two young kits, Gravel and Freckle stepped up to become parents. They left the barn where their parents died, setting off to find a home for their family. They came across a young Tom named Thriftnose, who said he had been warned of a snow storm bringing in rocks and gravel. Apparently that was a sign that Gravel and Freckle were meant to join the clan.  So, Gravel became Gravelstone, Freckle adopted the name Frecklepath, and their kits became Sablekit and Frozenkit.  Now Gravelstone just wants to get laid. He had a whole plan. Once he turned a year, he was going to go out and find himself a babe or two. Have a few kits, travel to visit families, that would be the life. Now, he’s a mate less father of two kits with his sister, which means he has no free time to wax poetry at cats to gain some private time. He likes clan life, he just can’t wait for his kits to be old enough to leave the nursery. Ideal Partner: gimme some hot young thing who has it down bad for the frumpy looking single dad who definitely did not sign up for this job, bonus points for best friend of Frecklepath, extra bonus points for a queen of the nursery who has one kit of her own who loooves to play with Gravelstones kits. Position | Clan: Warrior | Frostclan - once a loner

Frecklepath - pale tortie siamese shecat

Family: Snowy (mother, deceased), Storm (father, deceased), Gravelstone (brother, littermate), Sablewhisker (younger brother), Frozenmist (younger sister) Gender / Sexuality:  she-cat / bisexual Personality: Super sweet loving big sister type, totally the mom friend and wants to be, wants you to call her mommy Backstory: In loner culture when a cat turns twelve moons, they are allowed to leave their parents and go have their own adventure. Until then, they travel with their parents, where ever they go. So Freckle grew up in a nice warm barn with her parents, until a sickness swept through the barn, taking both her parents lives. They left behind two kits, who she has committed to raising, along with her older brother. She definitely feels like the mom to a teenage son and two babies. Treats her brother like a kit most of the time.  Freckle had every intention of leaving when she turned a year, and finding a nice Tom to settle down with. She wants the cuddles and the kits. She wants to take care of the family. So… she’s not all that upset to be in her position. Frecklepath can use her younger siblings to show a potential mate how good she would be with kits. She takes any opportunity she can to socialize, or go hunting with the clan. She does her best to blend into clan life, and earning the favor of a nice mate or two. Because of this, the care of her siblings often end up falling on Gravelstone, even though she’s much more motherly.  Ideal Partner: she would love a working dad, or maybe a stay at home mom who wants to raise kits with her, the best friend of her brother would be great, or a fellow queen looking for a big strong warrior who will keep her well fed Position | Clan: Warrior/Queen - Frostclan

Sablekit (Sabledream) - chocolate tortie tom

Family: Storm (father), Snowy (mother), Gravestone (older brother), Frecklepath (older sister), Frozenmist (sister) Gender / Sexuality: Tom / bi-curious Personality: childish, big brother vibes. Probably laughs at fart jokes. Still somehow the guy everyone has a crush on. Quick to whine or complain Backstory: Sabledream was raised in Frostclan, with his brother, and two sisters. His brother and sister took turns sleeping in the nursery with him, since their parents passed away when they were young. Now a rather spoiled warrior, Sabledream was mentored by his older brother, who practically guided him to success. Sabledream is surprisingly lacking in skill considering he is a warrior, and his silver spoon shows when he’s sent on a hunting party.  Still, he’s a good boy. He’s protective of his little sister, for obvious reasons once you read her bio. Definitely the big brother type that breaks up dates, and tries to intimidate the boyfriend. He might not be the best hunter, but he’s a big boy who can pack a punch when he needs to.  Ideal Partner: kit of the leader, someone with an equally hand-fed success would be really fun, medicine cat who falls for his bull shit would be funny too, apprentice to fell for his bs and realizes that they are a much better hunter than him and calls him out on his bs Position | Clan: Warrior | Frostclan

Frozenkit (Frozenmist) - dark point siamese she-cat

Family: Snowy (mother), Storm (father), Gravelstone (older brother), Frecklepath (older sister), Sablewhisker (brother) Gender / Sexuality: she-cat / literally just dtf Personality: the mean girl who is hot so she somehow gets away with it, the spoiled princess, the very flirty very open girl, gives *pregnant at prom* vibes Backstory: Frozenmist was raised by her brother and sister, since their parents died when she was a kit. She was spoiled, paw-fed what she needs to say, do, preform in order to get what she wants. Frecklepath was her mentor, and Frecklepath had her eyes on love, so Frozenmist mimicked her mentor. Frozenmist is known to be a flirt, using her good looks to get away with slacking in some areas. This is often reminiscent of how her brother acts.  Ideal Partner: the big strong deputy who is weak for a pretty girl, sassy med cat who calls Frozen out on her bs and its hot, the totally swoon simp of a warrior Position | Clan: Warrior | Frostclan

[ailuronymy]

Guest Warriors-ify: BBC Ghosts

To be fair, Cloverheart (Alison) wasn’t expecting this when she agreed to be a medic- seeing the ghosts of (not so) influential, dead cats was not in her prey pile of ideas any day of the moon, but hey; she has to deal with what comes.

Just turns out that what comes does not always leave.

————-

Alison - Cloverheart :: A golden cat, slightly darker than what some would usually assume from her prefix. She’s part of a clan that allows medicine cats to have mates, but not kits- and honestly, that’s fine with her; the ghostly cats that hang about the medicine den act enough like kits to have her paws full. 

Mike - Ottercloud :: A thin-furred dark brown tom. He’s extremely relaxed (most of the time) and is always slightly miffed that he can’t see the ghosts but his mate can. He tends to keep care of the medicine den, such as collecting herbs for Cloverheart as she tends to both the ghosts and the living.

–

Thomas - Sparrowtail :: A lean, light chocolate coloured tom with a deep scar across his stomach. Dramatic, envious, and all things inbetween- his clan, Featherclan, worshipped the songbirds; this made singing and poetry incredibly popular, and was to be envied. Sparrowtail still hasn’t let this up, and tends to attempt to woo living cats with his poetry. 

Julian - Hemlockstar (Hemlock-face) :: A tall, cream and white kittypet tom with a deep red collar. He was part of a clan who voted in their leaders, and was- surprisingly- voted in; but not long after, the kittypet was found dead in a rather… compromising position. Some cats from his clan tend to think he was murdered. 

The Captain -  Nettlefang :: A grey tom with a noticeable limp. He is strict, and tends to stick very close to his clan’s militaristic code- he also slightly resents Hemlockstar, as Nettlefang was deputy and died mere days before he would be made leader (but admires Ottercloud, not that he’d say it). 

Pat - Morningflower :: A short, stout golden tom with a still bleeding neck wound.  Bubbly, but with a slight perchance to the morbid, Morningflower tends to be the only ghostly cat who tries to keep the others together. He and Cloverheart bond over being medicine cats.

Humphrey - Hollywhisker :: A ginger, headless cat, body stumbling in shreds after his head. A tom who met an unfortunate fate of being exiled from his clan, and soon being found by a starving fox. Not many cats tend to talk to him- it’s very uncomfortable for them. 

Robin - Hare :: A massive, black-tipped brown furred rouge. He’s an expert at hiding in bizzare places, and often ends up scaring those who can see him. However, he’s also a master planner, leading a rouge group when he was alive. 

Fanny - Dawnclaw :: A greying, golden-tinted elder shecat. She has a temper, and tends to keep the others (specifically Hemlockstar) in line- she was pushed off a cliff in life, and tends to haunt the dreams of cats in the area with similar images. 

Kitty - Rosie :: A curly-furred ginger tortie kittypet shecat, with a glittery pink collar. Extremely hyper and always happy, often supplying random thoughts at the most inappropriate moments. She’s easily manipulated, and ate strange things during her life.  

[adentincrime]

The smell of lavender candles permeate the air of her small apartment, and cats paw at the rose petal trail she had made to her room, now destroyed. Some old record of jazz music plays in the background, and it's her honest attempt at romance. A small card, with a kitten holding onto a rose, read “You’re Purr-Fect”, and below it, her attempts at poetry: Our love is like a bowling ball / You always know where to put your fingers / Surprisingly not in my holes / But in my heart. Xoxo Lina

WILL YOU BE MY VERY BELATED VALENTINE? || @purrpetrator

“Selina? It’s me.”

     Harvey knocked on the door to her apartment room twice before letting himself in with a key Selina had given him a few weeks ago— “because you practically live here,” was her reasoning, and without missing a beat, Holly chimed in with, “So, when can we expect your half of the rent, Dent?”— and was surprised when he was greeted by the herbaceous scent of lavender and the smooth vocals of Nat King Cole. One of the cats, a tortie who’d taken a particular liking to Harvey over the course of his relationship with Selina, bounded up to him with a rose petal hanging from her mouth and began rubbing against his leg.

“Hey, what you got there?” He set his briefcase down next to him and picked up the purring feline, gently taking away her ‘toy’ and receiving a soft meow in protest. Figuring Selina must have been in the bathroom— he could hear the sound of running water, albeit faintly thanks to the record player — Harvey decided to follow the ‘trail’ of cats that were still playing with the now shredded rose petals that led into her bedroom.

     After giving her one last scritch behind the ear, he let the tortie leap down onto the mattress and turned his attention to the card sitting on the nightstand. Harvey couldn’t help but smile at its design ( only Selina, he thought ), and the pun that accompanied it even managed to earn a chuckle, but the moment was short-lived; his lips slowly faded to a thin line as he read what was written just underneath it.

“What.”

     Harvey prided himself on his ability to maintain his composure in delicate situations; it’s one of the many things that made him such a damn good D.A., and it’s how he’s survived for as long as he has despite having the odds stacked against him. From winning a landmark case to facing down the barrel of one of Falcone’s goon’s guns, Harvey Dent was unflappable.

     Selina’s attempt at poetry, on the other hand?

     He lost it at the third stanza.

     By the time Harvey realized Selina was standing at the door frame, his laughter had dissolved into a giggle-fit that nearly made him double over as he tried to suppress it. He looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights, his lips trembling as another bout of laughter threatened to bubble up from his chest.

     He opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closed it upon having second thoughts. Harvey grinned and tried again, this time holding up the card: “So, is this your way of saying I’m right up your alley?”

     Harvey was sure he’d lose it again after making that joke, but his urge to laugh was gone; as utterly ridiculous as the poem was, this was a side of Selina he’d never really seen before. It wasn’t like her to make such overtly romantic gestures, and he couldn’t tell if this was just her getting into the ‘spirit’ of things or if she was trying to communicate something deeper. 

‘Our love is like a bowling ball.’ 

     She’s never used the ‘L’ word before.

     Harvey’s smile relaxed and became more natural as he proceeded to close the gap between them, card still in hand as he wrapped both arms around Selina and pulled her into a close embrace. Kiss on top of her head, he whispered,“Happy Valentine’s Day, Selina.”

[hohohorbible]

fifteen questions

li was tagged in this by @writeraquamarinara!

are you named after anyone? not an anyone, but an anything! my mom wanted an ‘s’ name (she’s sheryl, my dad was sam. oddly enough, her first husband was a steve, and my partner is a seth! many s’s!) so i was named after the hall and oates song ‘sara smile’. she added the h in hopes people wouldn’t make fun of me by calling me sara lee, like the cookies

when was the last time you cried?  i def teared up a little while watching the parks and rec finale for the millionth time recently

do you have any kids? nope! i do want to adopt someday, though

do you use sarcasm a lot? not as much as i used to, but def.

what’s the first thing you notice about people? i don’t know. i am honestly horrifically unobservant. 

eye colour? green ish. sometimes blueish. 

scary movie or happy ending? yes

any special talent? uhhhhhh... people really like my homemade fudge?

where were you born? napa, california. yes, wine country. no, it was not a fun place to grow up. there’s nothing to do and it’s full of racists.

hobbies? writing/doodling/various artistic pursuits, video games, naps, cooking/baking, walking on the beach, slam poetry, going to museums with em when i’m home for breaks

do you have any pets? two tortie cats! cinnamon lives here with me, and rowena lives in ca with my mom

how tall are you? almost 5′4

favourite subject in school? literature!!! i took like, twice as many lit seminars as my degree required, lol

dream job? i don’t.... know. i mean! i know i wanna write! and i know i want to help people, esp people like me who struggled with higher education because of mental or physical disability and trauma. sometimes i think i want to teach, sometimes i think i want to be some sort of advocate. but! unfortunately! my physical health is v unpredictable so it’s really hard for me to have a solid idea of what i WANT to do when i don’t know what i’ll be ABLE to do, ya know?

anyway, tagging (probably not quite) fifteen mutuals:

@tory-b @shrugheadjonesthethird @theseaofcorruption @lucidlulls @voxelfox51 @jimalim @canisfamiliariz @cryptidpdf @crepuscolo-writes @threeeyedravenclaws and idk yall im out of ideas whoever wants to do this can!!!!!!!

[elizaiswriting]

A te, che mi appartieni 

Camminiamo sullo stesso mondo

Anzi noi,ormai,balliamo

con passi diversi

tu, in cerca di lui

io, in cerca di lei

entrambe in cerca di amore

ma perchè non ci amiamo ?

Tu perchè non mi ami?

Siamo due anime differenti,entrambe perse in due mondi forse paralleli 

Vorrei curare le tue ferite, anche se non ho ancora curato le mie

Vorrei asciugarti le lacrime dopo l'ennesima delusione umana

Vorrei dirti quanto forte sei, quando in un modo o nell'altro , ottieni da sola i tuoi attimi di felicità

Vorrei che tu sapessi quanto vali,in questo mondo pieno di leoni cattivi

Quei leoni che ci divertiamo tanto a tenerli a bada da quando siamo piccole.

Vorrei tu sapessi quanto sono forte anch'io

Vorrei tu entrassi nel mio mondo, lì nessuno ti farebbe del male

Ma non vorrei mai che tu provassi il vuoto che ancora porto dentro

Perchè non mi ami e perchè io non ti amo?

Ho ricordi di abbracci freddi, distanti

come fossimo due sconosciute

Perchè non comprendi i miei silenzi?

Io cerco di ascoltare i tuoi

Siamo molto simili in fondo, potremmo essere grandi amiche

Nessuna gelosia

Il sole e la luna

Acqua e terra

Due energie che insieme potrebbero trovare pace

Perchè non mi cerchi?

Domande inutili

Cerchiamo di essere amate da anime che sembrano essere dimenticate da Dio,

mentre il vero amore è sotto il nostro naso.

Ma non ti do tutti i torti

Non ci manchiamo nemmeno

Perchè non ci siamo mai trovate

Mai conosciute

Solo e sempre condannate

L'una all'altra

Per sbagli altrui

#elizaiswriting #poesie #writingofinstagram #poetry #gedicht #gedanken #parole#schreiben #writing #pensieri #thoughts #love #poem #deutschelyrik #worte #zitate #instalyrik #poet #artoninstagram #art #gedankenwelt #photooftheday #words#dichter #scrivere #instagedicht #poems #poetisch #texte #scrittori

[tortiespaw]

content warning: can get a little dark

dark encounters

all through the night,

constant anxiety plagues my life,

constant thoughts run through my head,

a moment of desperation,

a moment of depression,

is this all inside my head?

is what i’m feeling really there?

or am i just a fraud?

wanting more than what i have,

the thoughts won’t quiet,

sleep won’t come,

i just want this to end,

to feel better,

to move on,

to take the day on,

to stop having these thoughts,

these dark thoughts,

never of harm,

but of my failures,

of things i no longer desire,

of what i’m supposed to be,

of what i am,

of what’s to come,

and what’s already come,

i am not my constant doubts,

and i am not my constant thoughts,

for i am me,

and to me that’s enough,

because what is life?

without a little bit of dark.

[darcyfirth]

I'm pleased to know my writing sounds a bit like poetry to you. That wasn't the intention but it's always nice to hear soft sort of things like that. So thank you! I have two cats. One is the orange one who is no longer in my lap but has taken up residence on my keyboard effectively halting all paper work entirely. (At least a few things were done.) And the other is long haired tortie. They are sleeping on the table where they know they aren't allowed. Cheeky thing. For all my musings- (1/?)

of moving to Iceland, I've never actually been. It's on my list though. Either to visit or to live at for a few years if I can. I'm constantly filled with wanderlust so I always have grand ideas of visiting places, falling in love with the land and staying. I was lucky enough to see the aurora once on a camping trip to the very northern tip of Minnesota. It was, in a word, magical. I hope very much so that you get to visit all the places you dream of in your future.

Thank you for wishing  me kind thoughts if I ever do move. I'm so very glad I caught that post prior to you deleting it. This little "conversation" of sorts has been really lovely and it definitely brightened my day. You seem like an absolutely fantastic person. Thank you for being so kind. I wish you the very best of days tomorrow and hope your evening was a restful one. Take care, alright? You're rather a treasure. -🍄

Good evening, 🍄 anon :’) (I did the math so hopefully I didn’t stray too much from your time zone).

I spent the entirety of my evening on writing, editing, and looking back at the horror that is my stream-of-consciousness. Writing multi-chaptered fics is a real challenge for me seeing as I tend to procrastinate when I hit a writer’s block.

I’d love nothing more than using the excuse of ‘my cat didn’t let me type and I as her subject could not do much else but obeyed’ as a legit reason why I’m not meeting my deadlines. I hope that you’ve managed to finish most of your paperwork now. “Pain before pleasure” is my motto for getting things done early (It rarely works now, unfortunately).

About cats, I’ve always loved seeing them taking up space on their owners’ desks/keyboards. I think from the perspective of an outsider it’s just the most adorable thing.

When I was about seven, my aunt got home a stray cat (and since old Asian families lived only a few feet from each other’s we were really close) and fed her milk and she decided to stay with us for a really long time, cat years-wise. I’d be reading on a bench in our shared garden and she’d lie next to my legs to wait patiently until I reached down and rub her head. It was one of my most precious memories to be honest.

It’s healing, in a way, for me to talk to and learn a bit about you also. It reminds me of writing letters to pen pals in the old days. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, I woke up this morning to see your messages in my inbox and reading them was a great way to start my morning. I hope both of us get to go check Iceland off our lists of destinations to visit soon :’)

[nebris]

The Songs of Bilitis (/bɪˈliːtɪs/; French: Les Chansons de Bilitis) is a collection of erotic, essentially lesbian, poetry by Pierre Louÿs published in Paris in 1894 (see 1894 in poetry). Since Louÿs claimed that he had translated the original poetry from Ancient Greek, this work is considered a pseudotranslation.[1]

The poems are in the manner of Sappho; the collection's introduction claims they were found on the walls of a tomb in Cyprus, written by a woman of Ancient Greece called Bilitis, a courtesan and contemporary of Sappho to whose life Louÿs dedicated a small section of the book. On publication, the volume deceived even expert scholars. Though the poems were actually clever fabulations, authored by Louÿs himself, they are still considered important literature.

Louÿs claimed the 143 prose poems, excluding 3 epitaphs, were entirely the work of this ancient poet — a place where she poured both her most intimate thoughts and most public actions, from childhood innocence in Pamphylia to the loneliness and chagrin of her later years.

Although for the most part The Songs of Bilitis is original work, many of the poems were reworked epigrams from the Palatine Anthology, and Louÿs even borrowed some verses from Sappho herself. The poems are a blend of mellow sensuality and polished style in the manner of the Parnassian school, but underneath run subtle Gallic undertones that Louÿs could never escape.

To lend authenticity to the forgery, Louÿs in the index listed some poems as "untranslated"; he even craftily fabricated an entire section of his book called "The Life of Bilitis", crediting a certain fictional archaeologist Herr G. Heim ("Mr. C. Cret" in German) as the discoverer of Bilitis' tomb. And though Louÿs displayed great knowledge of Ancient Greek culture, ranging from children's games in "Tortie Tortue" to application of scents in "Perfumes", the literary fraud was eventually exposed. This did little, however, to taint their literary value in readers' eyes, and Louÿs' open and sympathetic celebration of lesbian sexuality earned him sensation and historic significance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Songs_of_Bilitis

[goodenoughfortoday]

10 Year Sickiversary

10 years and 4 days ago today I got sick and never got better. I wrote this to commemorate it:

I want to write something incredibly profound and moving for my 10 year sickiversary. But I can’t. Writing used to be my outlet. It was something that came easily for me and I was proud of my talent with words. Business school beat my affinity for flowery and often turgid prose out of me in favor of conciseness and bullet points. But even so I still retained a nugget of my craft and found ways to enjoy penning a tax research paper in place of angsty poetry.

I could say that it happened the second the virus entered my bloodstream. That a microbe found and destroyed my skill in a summary execution. And in some ways that is true. But it was a slower and (at times) more devastating death. The virus/CFS hijacked my focus and memory immediately. A year later migraines and their medications took and continue to take my words (a condition called aphasia). Then for good measure they took my ability to type or write without angering the ruthless dragon that is the permamigraine (occipital/trigeminal neuralgia). More recently nerve compression from herniated cervical discs and stenosis keep my hands from working properly. But even without these numerous, concrete medical issues, the fact is that I lost faith in my mind a long time ago. That kind of self doubt is as debilitating as my motor deficits.

Because no matter what happened in my life - whether I was single or attached, fat or thin, rich or poor, happy or sad - I had my intellect. Twenty years ago when I graduated from high school I was awarded Most Likely to Run for President and bound for one of the best business schools in the country. I knew I was smart and I felt like because of it endless possibilities awaited me. I was told all my life if I studied hard that everything would work out. Above is a picture of me at 18. Her innocence and joy are hard to look at because I know she would be heartbroken if she knew how it all worked out. That the girl who wanted to major in literature struggles to focus on a young adult audiobook now. That the former CPA who used to run audits can hardly balance her checking account anymore.

This is usually the time where I start to worry I’m alienating people with the harsh truth of living life with a debilitating illness. The part where I list the joys that are still plentiful in my life. The part where I feel pressure to say that I’m grateful for getting sick because it made me see beauty where I once did not. That now I know what really matters in life. So it’s all good.

But I won’t do that this year. It’s been 10 fucking years. I have every right to be angry that I’ve spent 10 years in bed. That I watch my friends and family travel, get married, have kids, excel in their careers, and move forward in life. I feel stuck. Trapped in amber. Preserved at the age of 27 except with more lines on my face, gray hairs, and a crappier metabolism.

Of course I know it could be worse. I am friends with people much sicker than I am. I have friends who have died. I’m a white girl in America with parents who can afford to help her. My privilege abounds. But because of the plentiful cheery disabled person tropes, people’s discomfort with their own mortality and the pain of others, our positive attitude focused culture,and the ingrained socialization women receive to be pleasant and meek I have subjugated my own grief time and again over these last 10 years. So for today I’m sharing it with you. I’ll resume regularly scheduled Stepford programming tomorrow.

But I’d be remiss to say that my life of perpetual pain, fatigue, and loss is devoid of love and joy. It’s so not. I’ve got a kick ass boyfriend who genuinely enjoys taking care of me instead of doing it out of obligation, friends who never give up on me even when I disappear down a migraine hole for months, a niece and nephew that don’t see a sick person just their purple-haired Aunt Jenny, parents who let me and my cats move in and disrupt their swinging Empty Nest life without hesitation, a little sister who in many ways has become my big sister by taking care of me whether than means pedicures or help with errands, a Bestie/Braintwin who knows Jensen Ackles and the cuddles from Corgis can cure anything, my late babycat Cameron who was always up for spooning and never stopped trying to groom me, and a wee tortie Callie who is perfectly happy to spend her days in bed with me. These people love this Jenny. Even if she is broken.

I want to sum this up with some amazing wisdom I have gleaned from these last 10 years but all I can say is that it really sucks to watch everything you thought made you…well…you disappear into a fog of fatigue and relentless pain. It is devastating to watch what you hoped for the future, in my case a life of professional success, exciting travel with a loving husband, and maybe even a kiddo or two, disappear down the drain. The grief never really ends - it just ebbs and flows.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t have hope, gratitude, joy, love, and even excitement in my life. Doctors have found consistent, biological differences in CFS patients and the questionable studies that relegated it as a somatic disorder that only psychotherapy and exercise could cure are being disproven. I’m going to see the Old 97s play next month and am hoping for a trip to Colorado at the end of the summer to explore canniboid oil for pain relief.

So my great wisdom is that I don’t have to pigeonhole myself as the smiling disabled person who puts everyone at ease and is full of folksy wisdom. But I also don’t have to live solely in my pain, day in and day out. I can be grateful and grieving at the same time. I can look forward to tomorrow while being sad for that hopeful 18 year old girl that didn’t expect this future. To quote the 11th Doctor, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” Or better yet, to quote the TARDIS, “[Human beings are] so much bigger on the inside.”

[cotrozzilivio]

è giorno a #mondobongo dal cielo il sole cade sui campi come acqua che disfa le zolle, i nostri pensieri disperde in parole ed il battito del cuore oscilla a sigillare i torti. from the sky the sun falls on the fields like water that dissolves the plates, our thoughts disperse in words and the heartbeat oscillates to seal the torments. #buongiorno #morning #poesia #poetry #art

[suckitsurveys]

do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? NO i am so fucking over winter can we skip ahead to May thanks. what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Just paper things I guess. how do you take your coffee/tea? With my mouth. do you keep plants? I have an office plant. It’s an Amaryllis. do you name your plants? ^ that plant’s name is Roos. It’s a long story as to why.

do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side and stomach mostly. what’s your favorite planet? Mine’s the sun! what color do you really want to dye your hair? I’m doing pink next so I can revamp my Princess Carolyn costume for C2E2 and Purim. what’s your favorite eye color? Green or brown. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Eh. are you a morning person? I have to be. sunrise or sunset? Sunset. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I like fun socks, sure. I cannot wear them to bed. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I have a little plush bear with a Chicago Cubs uniform appropriately named “Cubby Bear” that sits on my night stand. I’ve had him since I was 4 or 5. My dad bought him for me at a Cubs game. do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean. tell us about your pet peeves! Ignorance. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? BoJack Horseman: The Art Before the Horse. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Hmm. My family a couple years ago in Tennessee. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Wow. I have no idea. what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Veal. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Stairs. Nope. what’s an odd thing you collect? Nothing too odd. I have a panda trinket collection. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Yes to all. I love them. who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? Mary. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? I don’t know. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I know the song. It makes me feel nostalgic. I always sing it. what’s your favorite myth? Greek ones. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Some, sure. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? No. what color is the sky where you are right now? Gray. what would your ideal flower crown look like? Gardenias with hints of blue flowers. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? It depends on the temp outside. Like right now it is dark and gross and it’s like 8F out and I WANT TO FUCKING DIE but if it were like this and like in the high 70′s i’d be happy as fuck because it’s my favorite kind of weather. have you ever used a ouija board? Yeah. what’s your favorite kind of tea? Green tea. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Not always. tell us about your pets! I have three kitties: Ramona is a torti, Sake is grey and white, and Friday is all black. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? I’m on my lunch break, so no. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Hate. what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? A light light light light blue. They were that color when we moved in. are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have 9 and plans for more. do you read comics? what are your faves? I don’t not read comics. who was the last person you know to have a birthday? A friend I knew from when I was on a Rocky Horror shadowcast. myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFJ if I remember correctly, virgo, and fuck that shit. if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Future. Hopefully I’d have more money and my sister will have divorced her shitty husband by then.