#traveling salesman problem

[noah-luck-easterly]

Scientists, I love you

[yesterdays-xkcd]

What's the complexity class of the best linear programming cutting-plane techniques? I couldn't find it anywhere. Man, the Garfield guy doesn't have these problems...

Travelling Salesman Problem [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[There is a linked black web, with a path in red; it appears to be a map of the United States.] Brute-force solution: O(n!)

[The web continues in this one. A man with a brown hat and a case is drawing it.] Dynamic programming algorithms: O(n22n)

[Another man, with a brown hat too, is at a computer, looking back over the chair.] Selling on eBay: O(1) eBay salesman: Still working on your route? Drawing salesman: Shut the hell up.

[greetings-inferiors]

My decision exam is literally just

“How many times can we repackage linear programming: a documentary”

[lua-magic]

Mercury and your buisness Mind .

This blog is for those specially who wants to get into business or are confused between job and buisness or what kind of business would suit them.

Mercury is our logical mind, we also call it our business mind.

Which ever house Mercury sits in your chart that house related work or buisness you can easily get into.

Mercury in ancendent.

Native is made for business, he/she can get into any business and be successful. Such native has got strong business mind

Mercury in second houses

Mercury is exalted here, it makes you great speaker here, however this house is of family, so native can get into family Buisness or run buisness with family.

This house is alsovforbfood, so if moon is exalted then native can go into food related or kitchen or cloud kitchen business as well.

Mercury in third House.

Native would be great in communication, media, tours and travel and commission related work or business. If Mars is exalted then native can work with his siblings as well.

Mercury here decreases your courage, so native would be unwilling to take initiative, but if Mercury is not afflicted then person could work with his friends and would get support from his friends as well.

Mercury in fourth house.

There are two placement of Mercury which is tricky, one is fourth and second is in ninth house.

Whenever Mercury sits with moon or in cancer, Mercury make native obsessive and disturbs the mental peace of native.

It gives native OCD, especially if moon is afflicted then it causes anxiety, fear and overthinking.

As Mercury is fast moving planet so it makes moon highly disturbed 😧.

Remedy.

Remedy is to actually, decrease the strength of Mercury, ie, Mercury is your friend and social circle, such native should sit in isolation and should have minimum friends, Quality over quantity.

For gains and Money this placement is excellent.

Well, such natives are good in real estate, and with land related work or business.

They can also go for home related buisness like home decoration, or selling home decoration, furniture, luxury furniture, especially if their Venus is also exalted.

Mercury fifth House.

Best placement for Mercury, native is fast learner and life long Lerner and teacher.

Native would be successful due to his own intelligence, and learning.

Native could be author and writer as well.

Native could also opt for teaching and counseling.

Native can also do books related buisness.

Native is great with children and could get into buisness that is for kids, like, children book, teaching, selling toys or even writing children novel.

Mercury in sixth house.

This is the only placement where Mercury is comfortable doing job as it loves to solve day today problems, it is great problem solver here

But, you can go into service related buisness like, food service, taxi services any buisness that provides service to its customers.

Mercury is seventh house.

Relationship wise this is problematic placement, as Mercury is asexual planet and also fast moving planet, so it creates problems in relationship but buisness wise it is an excellent placement.

Native can get into retail buisness, or go for branding, networking, even make themselves as big brand.

Mercury in eitgth House.

Native thinks alot about money and gains, and money wise it is good only when native is involved in eighth house related work like Bank, insurance, CA, occult, auditing, digital marketing , crypto currency such person could also become great detective, they can go into Research and development as well.

Native is great when it comes to dealing with other's money 🤑, they make good salesman as well.

Mercury ninth house

Here, placement is challenging as Mercury damages the Jupiter, Mercury is selfish, while Jupiter is divine and loves to give that is why Jupiter rules twelfth house which house is house of giving.

Jupiter also rules ninth house, which house of Dharma, religion and rules, and Mercury being prince doesn't like to follow rules

So, when you have this placement then it is better you get into business where religion is involved like selling religious books so, you can save your Jupiter and Mercury is also happy.

But, be careful never go against morality in business because you will block all your blessings.

Native can sell, religious ornaments, things or books.

Mercury in tenth house 🏠.

Such people are great sales person and excellent at marketing and PR, these are the person who would sell comb to a bald person.

So, they make great salesman and marketing.

Such native could also work with government,or collaborate with government like government tender and work with them.

Mercury in eleventh house.

Such natives are great with masses, friends and are good in dealing with large number of people.

They should get into work that involves large numbers of people like forming corporative society, NGO, even they make great speaker, counsellor and teachers. People love to follow them, hence, they make great influencers as well

Mercury in twelfth House.

This is not good placement for Mercury and Mercury is uncomfortable here, Piesces is deep ocean and Mercury being prince doesn't like to go in dark, Mercury is also selfish so it doesn't like the idea of unconditional giving and charity which is also twelfth house.

But, twelfth house is also of, foreign land, meditation, spirituality, yoga, charity, and investment.

So, person could either work outside their motherland or get into import and export business.

They can also do business related to meditation, yoga, and spirituality.

They can also go for investment.

Now, Mercury also your speaking skills, If Mercury is afflicted by malefics then person would be extremely rude with thier words and would hurt lot of people.

When Mercury is with Mars native can go for automobiles or even in technical line.

[stanpinesdykewife]

Speed dating is. The BEST fic I’ve ever read. I’m being so serious. And this is coming from a chronic fic-reader

I SCREAMED!!! this is insane and so so crazy to me!! thank you! i really really appreciate it!!!

i'm aware speed dating is near the top of the tag since it's kind of new so here are some other stan/reader fics i really really like (sunshine is my fave rn but otherwise in no particular order) under the cut!!

Sunshine by dipppyfresh (100,706 words, incomplete)

Your brother has gone missing, and the last place he was heard from is a town called Gravity Falls. You're going to find out what happened. You've been looking for an escape, and a certain family- specifically, a certain man- might help you do just that.

Sailor Stories by DesertWitch33 (8,770 words, complete)

As a tour guide in a small harbor town, you always promised yourself you wouldn't fall in love with the sailors that came in and out of the place- you know better than that. But when Stan Pines and his brother show up to investigate one of your favorite legends, your resolve is tested... and of course, there is the actual problem of being captured by ghost pirates on Halloween...

Natural Attraction by consult_the_potato (69,443 words, incomplete)

Making your way to your college lab-partner's newest research location, you're excited at the prospects of a fresh beginning in a new town. The house is quaint, the woods are deep and mysterious, and Stanford Pines is the same goofball you remember him being. Even with the addition of another research partner (a hick, as surprised as you may be), the duo in the cabin make for a great pair of roommates.

Ford's boisterous brother, on the other hand, is someone you think you'd rather keep at arm's length.

Must See: Mystery Shack by guilty_pleasures_abound (6,534 words, complete)

You're a travel writer, putting together an article of the pacific northwest's weirdest, most tourist-trap stops on the map. When you entered the Mystery Shack as part of your trip, you could have never anticipated just how up-close-and-personal you would end up getting with its colorful proprietor.

Stood Up by DesertWitch33 (8,695 words, complete)

Online dating is the worst, especially when you get stood up for a first date at the county fair. Luckily, a man named Stan saves the day.

Sweetcheeks by lady_brontide (12,548 words, complete)

Babysitting for Stan puts you in some weird situations. As a salesman, Stan Pines can turn any odd little mishap to his advantage, and he's turning a mortifying situation you found yourself in to an offer worth considering.

[memoiich]

I demand your Maul headcanons <3

Im going to split this up in 2 parts

Part 1 : star wars

Maul is extremely talented at drawing. He leans more into it after Savage and him are travelling together.

His memory is top notch , hes the kinda dude that remembers what he ate 5 months ago at 4 in the morning ( if he has a lover i can see him using this to get them like niche ,one time mentioned gifts)

His sleep schedule is none existent. He tried a few times to fix it but since palpetine needs him 24/7 , he hasn’t yet . After Savage gets him back , he tries to help Maul and it goes pretty well . (Like 6 hours per night on average)

The biggest problem is nightmares. He has ALOT of nightmares. Some are from his childhood, he thinks he’s stuck in the gray room on Mustafar or he sees the fish in palpetine tanks dying. It gives him alot of stress and anxiety. Some nightmares are about Obi Wan, he isn’t scared of him but more of the fact that he didn’t win . He gave his entire childhood and didn’t win against someone that was raised by loving people that cared for his wellbeing.

He dreamed as a kid alot about Dathomir.

He is a mercifull killer , he normally doesn’t play with his prey . He tries to kill them as quick as possible ( look at the fish even qui gon ) this mentality gets ingrained into his mind after he got cocky with Obi Wan .

Maul is smaller then most zebrak males because he was malnourished as a child . Savage has asked about this before but Maul reflects by stating its for his fightstyle.

Maul horns are terribly kept. He never met another zebrak before he was like 24(?) so he literally never knew he had to take care of them . Savage is horrified by the state of his horns when he finds him . Later he helps him out with that and now they are alright.

ALSO his tattoos are fading and need a going over.

He feels extreemly guilty towards both his brothers for leaving them behind. He never knew Feral and he hates himself for that . He sometimes wants to know more about him but hes convinced Savage will be hurt so he hasnt .

He is extremely confused towards his mother Telzin . He feels a certain sense of gratitude towards her for bringing him back but he hates for what she did towards his brothers and for giving him away . ( I actually love the legends version where he has a human mother (Kycina ?) even more but clone wars made it work better so….)

Part 2 : modern au

To me it makes sense if him and his brothers had a tattoo parlor or like a piercing shop.

Or like a business salesman

He drives a red and black kawasaki ninja 400 .

Maul still has a lot of scars mainly on his abdomen . He got into a lot of streetfights as a kid/ teenager.

He loves to give gift . He generally doesn’t think that people will stick around for just him so he sees it as paying them for their service.

He has a pet reptile a Bibron’s Coral Snake . Because he finds them cool .( he ended up in the hospital one time because of her)

He hates obi wan because they have a work rivalry.( will rend to his lover about this )

Im going to keep it here for now . I have some more but this is long enough

{masterlist}

[ladyiristheenchantress]

Magic for the working witch

Hello friends! I recognize this is a break from my current content series, however I have been working like a dog recently balancing university, work, social life, and medical problems so I felt inspired to talk a bit about the magic I do while working!!

To preface: I work 3 jobs total! one of them requires me to travel, One is a remote desk job, and the final one is a waitress! While I don't recommend this lifestyle, it is the one that I and many others have fallen into as life has unfolded. First of all, to all my hard working witches, you freaking matter dude. Your boss may not see how hard you work, but trust me you guys are hustlers! Its hard to balance a spiritual life with everything else going on but today lets tackle that!

How can I cultivate magic, even with work/school/etc?

First, we have to find where the magic is within us and this is easier said than done. In previous post I talk about magical frameworks and theories and this would be a good time to put this to use! I believe that magic is all around and within us, we can harness it at any time, enjoy it! Even simply reflecting on the magic in your heart can be enough to feel spiritually fufilled. We as humans like acknowledgement, and when we just simply reflect on the magic around us then we tend to feel more fufilled but that gets lost on us sometimes.

Got it! What ideas do you have for me?

Lets think about jobs for a second! We have all sorts of jobs out there, desk jobs, standing jobs, hard labor, etc. I believe there is magic for every profession, type, etc, but that is a looot of jobs. so lets narrow it down to the three types I have experience with!

Travel + Speaking

these jobs include teaching, public speaking, management, and more. These jobs often are a form of public service but require an element of writing, desk work, etc. It also is somewhat a form of authority in the aspects of people looking up to you for information, conflict resolution, and more. Usually this job has a commute, a level of strong responsibility, and traits like leadership and confidence are seen heavily.

Witchy ideas:

As you wake up, get ready, and commute, give yourself a pep talk as a form of glamour magic. Bonus points if you make it a chant

Enchant your toothpaste to help your words carry

Keep crystals like angelite, Rose Quarts, and Pyrite close

Create a weekly spread to give you insight into the week so you can prepare as needed

Wear bright colors for confidence

Wash your hair with the intention of unblocking flow of words, and making things run smoother

Public Service

Public service are jobs like waiter, bank clerk, and floor salesman. These jobs require you to be informational, polite, and taking on a lot of side work in the process. Your job is to get someone to purchase something and help facilitate that, resolve minor conflicts, and honestly team work with both your coworkers and customers.

Witchy Ideas:

When you can: Don't wear socks with your shoes. A lot of dress shoes and work shoes can have hygienic insoles, and this can help facilitate grounding!

Create an oil out of a carrier oil, basil, thyme, and rosemary and you get a general 'workplace luck' oil!

If you work for commissions: Eat a mint, tic-tac, or sugar packet before work to sweeten your words to customers and get more sales

If you don't work for commissions: Place Vaseline or lotion on your elbows and knees to facilitate swift work and smooth customer interactions

Carry obsidian, super seven, bismuth, or chrysocolla with you

Keep a 'talisman card' in your pocket, pick a tarot card that resonates with your goal for work. My go-to's are the queen of swords, king of cups, the emperor, and the magician

Remote Work

Remote jobs are any jobs that can be done at home, and after the pandemic these jobs became a staple so many companies kept the position. These jobs could be done day or night, internationally or locally, and so much more. The best traits to have would be organization, punctuality, and perseverance.

Witchy Ideas:

Maintain a home altar where you do work to induce specific energies

Before a virtual meeting discussing important personal goals, set up an online vision board of what you want

Have a prayer or chant ready during a project to help it move along

Create digital sigils to deflect crappy co-workers

Use Tigers eye, ulexite, and yellow calcite to help the work day

Leave a tarot card on your desk as a talisman.

If you guys need any tips, tricks, or questions feel free to leave them in an AMA or in the comments below! Thank You! Tip Jar

[themoonweaversden]

Messeges that were found so far: STOD EHT TCENNOC (spoilers)

This is just to collect all the codes that you can type in in thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and their effects only (please click images for better quality)

I am so sorry if the transcripts in these are't the best, it's A LOT and my mind doesn't understand what's writing anymore

Masterpost with all messeges / codes

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Have you ever heard of Orchard Lake, Kansas? Chances are you haven’t. It was erased from every map, book, and historical record, and the US Government’s official position on it is “stop calling us or we’ll send a drone to your house.” (I learned this the hard way.) But if you drive to the exact latitude and longitude of [REDACTED] you’ll see bullet casings, faded billboards, and bow ties strewn across the desert sands.

That’s because Orchard Lake had another name before it was wiped off the record: BillVille.

CHAPTER 3: BillVille The First Cult In History That Was Right

[image]

FIG A: A tumbillweed

As a historian of esoteric religions, I thought I’d discovered the strangest sects America had yet to offer (see “Chapter 3: Kevin’s Gate”) but that all changed when I found the following items tucked away in an old trunk in an estate sale on the outskirts of Bootstrap, Missouri."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

"3/24/1957

Mother, I have the most wonderful news! Remember when you said I should stop being “such a follower” and finally think for myself? Well—turns out you were right! I’ve decided to stop following Elvis’ tour bus from state to state and instead I’ve made the exciting life decision to sell all my possessions to buy a one-way ticket to [REDACTED] and marry 138 of my new best friends! We’ve discovered the eternal secrets of the Universe, and golly it feels keen! For the first time in my life, I am happy!

Remember reality is an illusion, the Universe is a hologram, buy gold, and bye forever!

Your daughter, Shelter Martha Jones Starshine Cipherwife

P.S. You’ve just gotta check out this neato pamphlet!"

FIG B: Letter and pamphlet advertising “Ciphertology.” Was found along with pins, buttons, ephemera. Smells like formaldehyde."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

After reading this pamphlet, I became obsessed. Who were the Ciphertologists?

It seems in 1952 a failed travelling snake oil salesman “Silas Birchtree” was hiding from creditors when he choked on a coin he was flipping and died. Then, remarkably, the next day, he was seen alive. His posture, his smile, the pallor of his skin had all changed. It was as if another man entirely was wearing Silas like a suit. Whatever caused this transformation, the new Silas hit Orchard Lake, Kansas like a comet.

[TRANSCRIPT, FIRST AUDIO RECORDING FOUND OF SILAS BIRCHTREE GIVING A SPEECH IN THE TOWN SQUARE OF ORCHARD LAKE, KANSAS]

“Say, folks, gather round, thank you ma’am, spit out that gum, junior. My names Silas Birchtree, and I was just passing through when I noticed a very pressing problem: This town only has three wells! Well, well, well, that won’t hold water! (townsfolk laugh) But seriously plasma bags, if you’re dim enough to laugh at that tripe then you’re going to love what I’m about to shove down your throats: The secrets of the universe! I may look like an meat automoton but I was recently granted otherworldly insight into the nature of reality by an all-seeing eye named Bill Cipher. You have primal needs for chaos that are being repressed! Destroying is a form of creating! Assert your will in defiance of entropy! Punch through the throats of your oppressors and baptize yourself in their blood! Doesn’t that sound swell? Yes I said swell, and that rhymes with L, and that stands for “Let me Marry All Your Wives!”

-Silas Birchtree, 1952

It didn’t seem to matter what Silas said, folks were mesmerized by his rambling stream of consciousness diatribes. It wasn’t long before he became local news."

Treanscript:

"THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK "A suitable distraction from your toils." June 18, 1952 | 5 CENTS

CULT COMES TO TOWN Fans of Cults Pleased, Cult Skeptics Skeptical

Two things are on the rise this week in Orchard Lake! The sweet, sweet corn-bread cooling in Mrs. Butternubbins windowsill, and the terrifying cult that threatens to tear our town asunder. And asunder is one of the worst things you can be torn! Springing forth seemingly overnight, these bow-tie wearing brainwashees call themselves the Ciphertologists, and they answer to one man, the charismatic and extremely jaundiced Silas BirchTree. Town sentiment is divided as to whether this new religion can be trusted, but all agree this seems to be the most significant event in our town since a bat fell in the deep fryer at the waffle house. We spoke to townsfolk to gauge the local sentiment.

...WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY...

Darla Laudanum, Housewife: "Well, I don’t see what the big fuss is! Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, and Silas is no different. Why, I remember when everyone was worried that “Hula Hoops” were going to turn our children into Communists. But we only had to report 3 children!"

Gus Gunderson, Painter: "I ‘spose he’s got a funny way of talkin’, shore ‘nuff, but he promised me I’d live forever on my own moon, which beats my current job at the paint store. He also said he’d teach me to explode people with my mind. My mother ‘n law had better watch out!"

Madeline Dixon, Teenager: "He’s fine, I guess. It’s not like I replaced the picture of James Dean in my locket with him or anything. What? No you can’t look inside the locket, this is a personal locket!"

Emmaline Butternubbins, Spoilsport: "I’m telling you! He’s a human corpse puppeteered by a space triangle and he’s come to build an unholy astral pyramid from mortal realm beyond mortal understanding! Gather up your swords and arrows, let us slay the beast in mans form before he slays us!"

Can You "Dig It?" Hey Daddio! Are you hoppin mad about the piles of youth that are buckling your Chevy’s pad to the winner? Dig this jive! A keen new shovel that all the hep cats are using to flip those big Ricks right out of the sock hop! Man, you know what it is called!

“HIPPADDY RENZADDY’S SUPER-KEENHOOT SCOOP!”

It’s me, “Hip Daddy” Renzaddy! 50 years ago my great grandpappy Renzaddy toppled a pile of stones to death to avenge his death! The eternal war on man’s sin rages on!

5 CENTS OFF!

Teen Accused of "Rocking Around the Clock," Faces Trial ... (PG 3) Joseph McCarthy Arrests Suspicious Pez Dispenser (PG 5)"

Trascript:

"PAGE 2 THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK, JUNE 18, 1952 INTERVIEW WITH A PROPHET

Our lead reporter Welton Danforth sat down with the enigmatic leader to gain some insight into his holy mission. When they sat down to speak, the controversial religious leader was staring at his hands laughing as he wiggled his fingers.

Silas: Fingers! Wow, there’s just so many of these things! How do you keep track? Hey could someone get me a swig of formaldehyde?

Welton: Good evening. I have never seen a man open his eyes as wide as yours before. What exactly is going on with your face?

Silas: My face is normal! Next question!

Welton: (laughing) Well there’s that charm I’ve heard so much about. Move over, Johnny Carson! Tell me, how do you respond to accusations that the Ciphertologists are a cult?

Silas: Yes!

Welton: So you don’t deny it?

Silas: Look slick, everyone believes in something they can’t prove. Football players believe in “points.” Cops believe in “laws.” Priests believe in “sin.” But show me a law, a point, a sin. You can’t, they’re just ideas. So if you’re going to follow something invisible, why not follow the invisible Triangle that will give you your own planet and crush your enemies into a small screaming cube.

Welton: You’re awfully quick with a turn of phrase, but many others with silver tongues have claimed to be the messiah. What makes you any different?

Silas: Fair point! You know, you’re very perceptive. Has your wife told you that lately?

Welton: (pause) No. No… Janet has not. We are… going through a rough patch.

Silas: Must be hard. All those long nights on the couch, wondering what went wrong.

Welton: Yes… but, how did you know all that?

Silas: I know lots of things, Jack! And I know that when you die at 72 from a goose crashing into your head on a roller coaster, your last thought is gonna be that you wasted your life interviewing hick farmers instead of becoming that great novelist you always dreamed of being! That unfinished novel in your desk drawer…

Welton: …The Reporter Who Went To Mars?

Silas: It could be the greatest book of all time. But you’ll need someone to help you reach your full potential. I think I know a guy! By the way, I’ll need 1,000 dollars immediately.

Welton: Can I give you my watch as a down payment?

Silas: Fine, but only because I like you. Anyway, where were we? Oh right! I was interviewing you. Tell me, how long have you been a Ciphertologist?

Welton: Well, I suppose as of 5 seconds ago, but it already feels like much longer, Mr. Birchtree.

Silas: Please, call me “My Lord And Master.”

Welton: Yes, My Lord and Master. Do you have anything else to add before you go?

Silas: Only this, and I mean it sincerely: HAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (cont’d)"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[2 images]

Within a month, The Ciphertologists had taken City Hall, renamed Orchard Lake "BillVille" and began stockpiling weapons, human teeth, and multi-colored ball-pit balls from burger restaurants. Townsfolk began shaving their heads and inhaling helium to match the pitch of their leader's shrill charismatic voice, and would participate in "Dream-Ins" inviting Silas's muse "Bill Cipher" to "possess" of up to 30 of them at once, at which point they would often laugh in unison for hours. Construction began of the "Very Normal Giant Metal Portal" in the desert. Travel was banned coming in and out, even for medical emergencies since, as Silas explained, "pain is hilarious!" They began to expand, knocking on doors to spread "The Bad News."

[image]

FIG C: It was pretty easy to spot a Ciphertologist. Can you see what makes them stand out? That's right - their enthusiastic smiles!

[image]

FIG D: The "Golden Bastard" apple, grown only by Ciphertologists, reportedly "screamed" when you ate it."

Transcript: (this one is really weird to trascribe, so sorry if it's difficult to understand)

"THERE’S ONE “EYE” IN TEAM! Can you find it?

In Ciphertology, we encourage you to express your individuality, just like Silas does! That means strict conformity to his exact wardrobe, or else being sent to “The Hole.” You won’t like the hole!

KEEP AN EYE OPEN!

SHAVE A SPOT FOR BILL TO ENTER!

POSTURE

TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN! Order is a Trojan horse for chaos!

GREASE YOUR SHOES! Are you done? ADD MORE GREASE! And MORE!

(Image of two people in matching outfits doing Ciphertologist poses)

Pocket full of yummy glass!

Not pictured - The hot brand we will sear into your flesh. Which part of your body will we brand? It’s weirder than you think!

Did you know?: Therapy is a scam to keep you from the truth. Lean into your natural born mental illness to unlock your true potential!

GO DOOR TO DOOR! SPREAD THE JOY LIKE A DISEASE!

Follow this script to convert the non-billievers!

Hi! Do you have one minute to talk about the triangle who lives in your brain and has seen you naked? . YES → GOOD! The old gods are dead, and BILL ATE THEM! Dig it? . NO → Stare at them until they start crying.

Are you ready to accept him into your mind? . YES → (Continue script) . NO → Eat one of your own fingers in front of them. Don’t break eye contact.

Raise your arms and shriek a perfect E note in the 8th octave at 5,243 Hz. Their skull will shatter. Like a wine glass!

Great! Your new name is: ________________(SEE GUIDE TO CHOOSING CIPHERTOLOGY NAME PG 6) What size robe are you? __________________SEE YOU AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE! (Do Cipher Handshake, devour pamphlet, crawl away upside down)

WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING.

CIPHERTOLIGIST'S GUIDE TO DELIGHTSOMENESS, 1952"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[image]

ABOVE: The Ciphertology “Brain Seismograph” or “BS” Meter had dials for “gullibility,” “financial liquidity,” “celebrity influence,” “herbs,” and “spices.”

The cult surged in popularity and influence. Silas’s motto “embrace today as if your town is going to be hit by a tornado in exactly 3 & a half years!” was infectious, and he immediately ended all crime by declaring that “everything is legal now!”

[image]

Soon the only unconverted local was unmarried town nag Emmaline Butternubbins. She was convinced there was something “not right” about the mysterious megalomaniacal cult leader. Her protests escalated to her distributing these home-made warning pamphlets to very annoyed children.

[image]

“Most people rejected Emmaline’s message. They hated her because she told the truth” —Emmaline, to her cat Bonbon."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Conflict became inevitable. When Silas hijacked a local TV station to read an “erotic tale of two trapezoids,” Elk Glen filed a complaint with the FCC. Cipherologists retaliated by pouring 600 gallons of bubble solution in their drinking water. Soon the law became involved.

“Blrbl bll Tbllbl Ciphertobblblblblb” - Hurk Durnsley, Oak Glen City Council

The Cipherologists were ordered to return City Hall, dismantle the “Portal” they were building out of scrap metal and car parts, or face the full force of the Kansas State Troopers. The standoff lasted 13 days, with Silas and his die hard followers holed up in a waffle house chanting “TEETH” over and over again for reasons unknown. Silas was becoming increasingly agitated and erratic, blocking all radio and TV signals into town and ordering his followers to hurry construction of his mysterious metallic project. His body was also looking increasingly pale and desiccated, which he ascribed to his “fantastic diet” of eating nothing but “solid chunks of chlorine and ants.”

BILLVILLE DAILY NEWS June Billeteeth, Billtee-Fifty-Bill PORTAL NEARLY COMPLETE EVERYONE THRILLED, EVEN THE GOVERNMENT! (DO NOT TURN ON YOUR TELEVISION)"

Transcript:

"Finally Emmaline Butternubbins, enraged that no one liked her pamphlets, hurled a torch into the CipherTologists HQ, igniting the helium tanks, blasting out the windows and destroying Silas’s machine. Troopers opened fire as Silas’s followers held hands and began singing “WE’LL MEET AGAIN” in defiance. Silas, riddled with bullet holes, grabbed a megaphone, leapt atop the inferno, grinning wildly as he was engulfed in flame.

“YOU CAN’T KILL A MAN WHO’S ALREADY DEAD! IF YOU TAKE ME DOWN, I’LL BE BACK, MORE POWERFUL AND MORE ANNOYING THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE! REMMEBER- REALITY-”

At this point, Silas Birch Tree’s head fell off, flies swarmed from his mouth and he collapsed into a grey husk. A coroner declared Silas BirchTree dead for a second time. Black helicopters evacuated the site and the city was erased from all official records. Mrs Butternubbins was awarded the Medal of Honor, which she used as an ashtray.

On the Lighter Side “QUIRKY NEWS!” CULT DISBANDED, 9 DEAD Slow news day? Well we gotta fill these pages somehow! In an oddball story that’s definitely out there a remote Orchard Lake’s homespun cult committed a laundry list of heinous crimes. Trashed walls, buildings, and tank-wielding federal agents stormed the “Cipherologists” headquarters. The panic escalated as the “Cipherologists” leader offered everyone a bag of candy and destroyed the stockade on a rented lemon- but just gave everyone you love from the ability to express their emotions. We are out of terrible diarrhea. It is unclear if this was his intention or not. We are out of things to say in this piece, no one really cares what happens in Kansas."

Transcript:

"ONLY KNOWN PHOTO OF SILAS'S BODY, 1952"

Transcript: "LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Although BillVille has faded into urban legend, hidden remnants remain for those who know where to look. It is even said that there are straggling members out there, still holding out hope for Silas’s return.

(RIGHT: IRONIC T-SHIRT SOLD ONLINE)

In cults, this is a common phenomenon. Human beings are so hungry for a confident voice to guide them in an uncertain world, that they’ll follow anyone, even a madman, wherever he goes. Usually off a cliff.

But there was something different about Silas Birchtree. The more I research, the more of his predictions I’ve seen coming true. Recently I was going through old records when I found Silas’s final words, tucked away in a lost letter he wrote before the standoff, a message unseen until now.

His message was:

“At least this will make a fun chapter of your book, Donna!”

My name is Donna Rutherford. Yesterday, I was a Lutheran. As of today, I am a Ciphertologist.

[CODE]"

Code decoded: "YOUCANTKILLANIDEA"

[terminasoulscramble]

AU Character Skills

Tanaka, Yellow Mage

Thought the yellow mages were like a confidence thing, went to the dungeon expedition cause he thought it was a self development retreat, found nas'hrah and begrudgingly accepted magic as real.

-Counter-magic

-Vulnerable

-Rugged Good Looks

-Spice Forge

-La Danse Macabre

Daan, Salesman

After his parents left him, he turned to odd jobsinstead of working for the baron, some of which were not legal. He however still met elise but it was more of a week long fling. Later on, he found his way to a job as a typewriter salesman. He is still equally miserable.

-Typewriter Toss

-Lockpicking

-Magna-Medical

-Masturbate

Samarie, Therapist

Was spared from the worst of the ninth circle because the mob saw potential in her. She ended up with Marina, but had complicated emotions about loving her as her girlfriend but fearing her as her boss. She resented the jobs they had her do, and ultimately ran away. She started an independent therapy practice, using her mind reading abilities to help people.

-Steal

-Mind Read

-Persuade

-Diplomacy

Leviticus, Dark Apprentice

After Marina left, Father Domek still wanted a kid to mold in his image, so he adopted the first kid he could find who looked vaguely like marina, adopting him as his new son and heir. Trans levi is canon in this au, Domek was relieved to finally have a son, he is a trans inclusive radical misogynist

-Warding Sigil

-Melee Proficiency

-Slow Metabolism

-Bury the trauma

Abella, Lieutenant

One way or another joins the NLU, ends up getting sent on a deep cover espionage mission to put down the Kaiser. He kept avoiding her, as if he somehow knew, so when she caught wind of the endgame for the Bohemia campaign, she deserted and tried to cut him off at Prehevil.

-Weaponcraft

-Gunslinger

-Analyze

-Intimidate

Henryk, Dreamer

After family friend Pavel Yudin moved in, nothing in this man's life has gone right. Pav outshines him in every way, and his family loves him more doesn't believe in his dreams of becoming an ac-tor. He has tried to deal with this problem in various ways, failing in increasingly unlikely manners. In short, he wants this twink obliterated. Traveling to Prehevil is just the best way to kill him without suspicion. Plus, if he gets a role in that new movie being made, all the better.

-Undergrowth Awareness

-Toxicology

-Bloodlust

-Killing Intent

Olivia, Hunter

Following her injury, she was visited by a yellow-clad family member she's never met who helps her become more independent from her family. Her relationship with her sister was still strained, but for the opposite reasons. Her sister was suspicious of this supposed family member, but Olivia thought it was just jealousy. Now, she makes money as a big game hunter

-Trapcraft

-Marksmanship

-Gun Proficiency

-Devour (can't be gained through intro)

Marcoh, Field Medic

Marcoh faked his way into a job as a medical assistant, eventually being drafted once the war started. He did his job dutifully, up until the first whispers of the war having ended, making a mad dash to reunite with his sister.

-Diagnosis

-Medicinal

-Organ Harvest

-Fast Attack

Marina, Mobster

Marina's mom suspected that Domek wouldn't give up on making her a dark priest, so she sent her off to live with an uncle for a bit. This uncle had a debt to the mob, which he repayed by giving them Marina. She was adopted by a man named Ricardo, who claimed she was the child of one of his many mistresses. She bided her time, slowly gaining the fear and respect of her peers, eventually arranging an accident for her adoptive father at 14. She did not end up taking power, but instead installed a puppet leader to keep her spot for a bit. It was around this time where she met Samarie and saw potential. She rescued her from the ninth circle and put her to work in interrogation, eventually catching feelings. When Samarie betrayed those feelings by leaving, she was furious. She is now in Prehevil to tie up some loose ends, being her father, and upon learning she's here, her ex. This is basically a sold to the mob wattpad story taken 100% seriously.

-Precision Stance

-Counter Stance

-Order, Charge!

-Order, Defend!

August, Biologist/Broadcaster

Basically David Attenborough, never home for different reasons tho. Loves nature and photography, known to spend hours getting the perfect shot. Slightly less buff than he is in canon, due to less parkour.

-Advanced Botanism

-Sisu

-Leg Sweep

-Camera Flash

Karin, Mechanic

Was ousted from her job as a reporter due to digging too deep, and now works as a mechanic. Connected to the NLU by learning about their meeting place and quite literally breaking down the door to beg to join, but she won't admit to the last part.

-Explosives

-Short Circuit

-Whistleblower

-Bob and Weave

Pav, Chef

After getting too close to the Kaiser and losing an arm in an incident he won't talk about, he layed low at his old buddy Henryk's place, paying for his stay by working in his restaurant/hotel. He quickly picked up cooking as a skill, even starting to see Henryk's parents as his own. When they die, Pav will get the hotel, and Henryk will get most of their money and non-hotel posessions. They are on their way to the Big City™ to get their ducks in a row.

-Masterchef

-En Garde

-Adrenaline Rush

-Perfect Guard

O'saa, Dark Priest

Instead of joining up with the yellow mages, O'saa found his way to the Vatican and became a dark priest. Trading one group of selfish bastards for another.

-Meditation

-Engrave

-Greater Occultism

-Advanced Occultism

Caligura, Boxer

Fucked with the wrong person and got demoted to a grunt, being sent to the meat grinder boxing ring, somehow survived each time.

-Escape Plan

-Bare-Fisted Proficiency

-Quick Jabs

-Poison Tip

[cloudninetonine]

The Hero of the Oracles, was a man that radiated optimism. Despite his pig-like appearance, being the following Ganon of King and the preceding of Famine (not that he didn’t look to the brighter side, but he certainly didn’t radiate it) he was one of the more welcoming Ganons from within the group.

A contrast to your familiar pinky hero- Oracle kept a more positive view on things: to him there was always a solution to any problem, to him there was never any need to fret because to him, everything else was already so much better than what he had faced decades ago.

Similar to the villain Ganon, Oracle was originally a thief after losing his parents to only the goddess knew what at such a young age. He had to fend for himself, he was alone for so long before his first adventure had even begun and he had told you all this quietly amongst the flames of the campfire when you struggled to sleep on one of the many nights that your horrid memories seemed to crawl into your dreams and stain them with terrors beyond you imagination. He didn’t leave out the details and he didn’t sugarcoat any of what he told you- his honesty was nice in a way. These men weren’t perfect. They weren’t even on the side of light, they still served the God Demise and they were only the heroes to keep the balance as their Hylia seemed to strive for “Purification” in her eyes, anyway.

You had decided to tag her as ‘Martinet’, as it perfectly described just how worse she seemed to be.

It seemed the OG Hylia wasn’t all the bad anymore.

Oracle liked to knit, and sew, and crochet, and so much more of the textiles arts you had almost lost count. A thing similar to Legend, Oracle had grown an attachment to the arts after having to repair garments one too many times while on the road. It was a useful skill. A skill that he enjoyed, so it wasn’t rare to see him working on his own little project in the quieter moments- he had even sewed some pretty flowers into your tunic after seeing all the tears!

It was his peace offering at your bumpy beginning.

Oracle couldn’t go into town. Neither could Famine, or Betzalel, or Power or Pestilence- when you looked like a hulking moblin it would make sense to avoid towns like the plague, if you were in a group of moblin looking bastards you knew it would only end bad for you to ever step near civilization. So it made sense, the men staying at the camp to take care of everything while the other men strolled through the people for the journey’s supplies.

You were clutching carefully at Tide’s coat, like a child with his mother, attached at the hip. He didn’t mind though. The man preferred it actually, able to keep a better eye on your smaller form in the crowds- you were so “small” after all, was what Tide argued and, well, he wasn't wrong.

Didn’t stop you from trying to fight him about it.

These moments did give you time to glance around the area. Eyes rolling over the stalls in the markets, ranging from everyday food to magical items for daily use. What an interesting sight it was. Never in your life would you have ever expected to hear a salesman screaming about his “magic wares- good for the husband for his upcoming travel!” What kind of magic item was it? A protection ring? Blessed weapon? Leaning in a little, you tried to spot just what the guy was speaking about.

Only to be tugged along with Tide as he moved to the next stall. Following obediently, you made quick haste in order to keep up with the giant’s massive strides-

When a stall caught your attention. 

Your pause also had the older man stopping, not that your strength did anything but simply due your lacking grip when you turned to face the stall with the assortment of fabrics and crafting materials.

“My child?” He edged closer to the table also, looking over the stock with mild interest. “Is there something that interests you?”

The clerk, a Rito woman, chuckled lightly before her wing gently brushed the table over what you were looking at- the glowing blue fur that dazzled in the light of the evening sun.

“It seems you have grown a likeness to our blupee fur.” At your aghast expression she tutted playfully, “Come now, don’t think of me so cruelly! I would never kill such a beautiful creature! Not that I think there is a possible way to as such….these furs where shaven.”

You looked over them carefully, your hand gently moving over the material- this was reason blupee fur, you could feel the familiar magic of the mountain lord buzz in your hand. “You were able to shave a blupee?”

The bird woman laughed once again, “Me? Goddess no- my father, however, has his own secrets on taming the creatures. The magic of the furs allows for the greatest luck with rupees, adjusts for the environments and blessed with protection”

“Really?”

“Yes, the Lord of the Mountain does flow through each and every one of the creatures.”

You hesitated slightly with your next words, “When you say protection, you mean projection against evil….right?”

Tide’s hand came to gently rest on your back, a gentle reminder that he was here and whatever fear that currently tried to fight to your heart could simply buzz off.

The clerk looked sympathetic, “The furs are known to help in moments of panic, be it against evil or simply lost on a path, the magic will be there to aid you.”

It was certainly promising. As much as you didn’t want to part with your beloved cloak (a gift from Wild- your Wild, a reminder that one day you would return to them, at least you hoped you did…) it was definitely time for an upgrade. And an upgrade that could be handy if you have to deal with….them again, you could take that over sentimental value.

“I’m going to guess these furs do not come cheap?” Tide joked, pulling out his rupee pouch.

“500 rupees is the lowest I would go.”

“I’ve got it.” Tide watched as you pulled out your own coin pouch, balancing 3 silver rupees with a small handful of purples following, “Is there any other fabric that goes good with the blupee fur? Magical or not?”

“Hold on, I have a small deal that comes with the fur- discounts for such lovely customers.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

Returning later than evening, Nature had started on dinner as soon as you had all settled down. Priming the pastry top for a nice smelling pie with the goods he had gathered from the market. Your stomach rumbled for the dish, the fire alluring you towards where it cooked on the gentle fire- but it would still take time for such to be ready to feast upon.

Which is why you used the time to approach Oracle, talking animatedly to Famine who listened to his younger self quietly, eyes focused on polish his weapon- his chopped ears twitching in a way which showed his was listening.

“Uh, Oracle.” The two giants faced you, Oracle with interest and Famine in acknowledgment, “Could-...could I ask a favour?”

“Of course!” He replied, lightly with mirth (You didn’t understand how such a kind giant could come from King, but then again King would have been the equivalent to an angsty teen with all his counterparts. “What is it you require? Does it have something to do with the fabrics laid in your hands?”

You felt heat run up your neck, your hands shakily moving towards him “I- I was wondering if you could make me a new cloak?”

“A new one? Put your one this moment is perfect! Why do you wish to part from it?”

You hesitate.

There was a constant fear that nagged right at the back of your mind. Always there, fleeting but present- it would probably never leave you for as long as you continued to live. But maybe, just maybe, there would be a way to hide from it. This cloak was your answer, promised protection from what in the shadows of Hyrule, both monster and not. You needed this, not wanted, but needed to feel safer, even with a placebo effect.

“I don’t want to…I need to.”

Oracle paused, as did Famine. The two shared a look, eyes reflecting a similar look of concern as you continued on.

“The woman at the shop said it’s guaranteed protection and I need- I just- Ganon can you please just-”

A large hand came to rest upon your head, like a giant sun and casting a shadow in your vision that almost blinded you before your locks were ruffled.

“If it is truly needed then I will happily make you another cloak.” Taking the the materials he looked over them in interest, whistling lowly “Such rich fabrics- it must have cost you an ear or two.”

“....are you sure you’ll be able to make it? Do you need other tools?”

“You doubt my skills?” he joked, going through his bag to pull out some items you did not recognise, “I could create the most majestic of cloth with my eyes closed, my dear, there isn’t a need to worry.”

…you trust him, why would he lie after all?

Walking closer, you move to sit next to the man but Famine tugs you into your arms and places you right on his shoulders instead. It’s your seat now, if you’re not walking with the men your on one of their shoulders- they didn’t mind though. Your weight to them was like a empty rucksack over their shoulders, weighing almost nothing on the expanse of their build.

Crossing your arms, you laid them to rest upon the head of Famine as you watched Oracles hands move- skilled and precise.

In the following few days you would have a new cloak, dazzling in the sunlight and just the added protection to what stalked you in the burrows of the bush. It would not laid rest the fear that kept true to you but at least you would have that added relief to it all.

Oracle’s hands moved so smoothly.

[theautumnaldemon]

my Sky OCs, Sol And Rain

also them as kids bc why not

hear me rant abt them:

Their personalities are a role reversal— Sol is extremely chaotic and outgoing, and is more disloyal and manipulative but not neccessarily evil. She travels around but is usually in the Isle or windpaths

Rain is much more subdued and introverted, but also grumpy, but she means well. She lives in the treehouse, but likes to take walks around forest, or guide light creatures in the wasteland.

Sol is currently working as a tradesman, and has a bit of a hoarding problem. She uses the windpaths (which she is usually found in) to navigate through realms and bring back goods for trading, crafting, etc. she often steals said things.

Rain is working as a part-time salesman and magician-in-training at the ark, and does similar things for them— bringing them ingredients and stuff.

they never really interact anymore but they know eachother.

I’d say Sol is a bit conceited and power-hungry, often ranting about how The Valley’s (her homeland) laws are unfair and too restricting, and how when she’s king, she’ll improvise many things.

Rain would tell Sol that she was too ambitious and that she should appreciate where she was. Sol told Rain that Rain needed to set bigger and better goals for herself.

they’re both aspiring musicians— Sol plays the ocarina/drums and Fain plays the electric guitar/piano

Sol has manta call, and Rain has jellyfish call

[yesterdays-xkcd]

It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down.

Movie Seating [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

At the movies, I get frustrated when we file into our row haphazardly, ignoring the computationally difficulty problem of seating people together for maximum enjoyment.

[Map of relationships between 8 people.]

[Legend:] Single line: friends.

Double line: in a relationship.

Arrow: one-way crush.

Dashed line: acquaintances

[The eight friends sit in a row in a dark cinema. Cueball and one other are between two lovers.]

Cueball: Guys! This is not socially optimal!

[tired-demonspawn]

hollywood could never make a movie as batshit as Lotrando a Zubejda.

like imagine: a fun story in the czech woods where the son of the leader of a thief group gets an education and becomes an honest lumberjack against all odds.

fun right? sounds complete already.

yeah the problem is that... all that happens in the first 50 minutes of this 100 minute movie. the halfway point.

what happens next? well a delegation from a non-descript arabic country rolls up, looking all over the land for doctors, for their princess is sick. the son and the lumberjack he met are recruited because the lumberjack's name starts with Dr and the delegation were told they should look for a Dr.

no im not making this up

they get to their non-descript arabic country and meet the princess. but damn, they just lumberjacks they dont know shit about being doctors. so they are sentenced to be executed for failing to cure her.

now they maybe aint doctors, but they got sum of dat common sense. and they deduce "hey the princess aint getting any sunlight, she aint gettin dat vit D yfeel?" so as a last request they want to "dance".

aka the czech jewlery salesman they met along the way distracts their supervisor and just says things like "oh theyre probably just dancing dupák, that's why there such loud bangs" while our 2 boys cut down all the trees in front of the princess' window.

the princess gets that vitamin D, touches some grass, eats a thicc slice of bread with cottage cheese and is feeling much better already. the sultan sees this and is like "oh my god you cured my baby girl!" cancels the execution and throws them a feast.

during the feast, the son and the princess get closer.

next day:(joseph joestar voice) oh no! the son is sick... lovesick. upon reuniting with his long lost mother, who coincidentally happened to be a maid thingy in the sultan's court, she tells him "well lil lotrando seems 2 me that ur in love"

and through some misc. happenings bada bing bada boom, lotrando and zubejda(the son and the princess) marry each other. 'even though they speak a different language and have a different religion, love finds a way' as it were.

and if you need to know, yes they did have kids, and none of them had to become thieves.

and like the worst thing is... IT WORKS?????

LIKE

IT ACTUALLY WORKS????

all the things that are set up are like pretty well paid off????

the jewlery salesman first meets lotrando while he was in school, he then travels to the non-descript arabic country for bussiness and tells em "see back home we call our doctors Dr., lemme write it down for ya on this blackboard"

because lotrando went to school he could write the Dr on the other side of the small blackboard

they have the homemade cottage cheese twice, once after the lumberjack and lotrando become friends once after they help the princess.

and so much more?????

like???

it shouldnt work???

but thats the beauty of czech cinema(or at least older czech cinema), it dont have to make sense if its a banger

my point is: hollywood could never-

[max1461]

gamer who finds HUGE cheese in the traveling salesman problem

[revretch]

Theoretical biology question, what would happen if an organism had all white blood cells? Assume that the white blood cells can carry oxygen somehow (or that it has another way of getting air into/out of the body, doesn't need it, etc.), but every blood cell has the capability of eating foreign bacteria. Would it have a jacked immune system like bats, or would it just be different in a new direction?

(Realizing now you meant every blood cell, but oh well, slime mold time)

A multicellular organism where every cell is an amoeba? Well, you're just describing a slime mold! A very popular choice--it's evolved multiple times (at least seven!) from various unrelated protists (the many kinds of organisms that aren't bacteria, fungi, plants, or animals). As the name suggests, a being made of a bunch of little, voracious slimes is one big voracious slime.

Probably the coolest slime mold is Physarum polycephalum, which has been shown to be capable of reconstructing the layout of the Tokyo rail system--a system so efficient it took human engineers years to design!

But how did a creature without any neurons solve such a complicated problem? Why, quite simple! It made a brain out of tubes.