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#try and contact me bitch. try me. go on.
comfycozycrossfox · 1 year
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i’m worried about how everyone views me at all times, that being said sometimes my intention is FOR people to think i’m insane.
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bunnyb34r · 7 months
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Wow just fucking wow
I sent in a medical records request in october? To get life insurance through work (why not right?) And my stupid dr never sent them in.
WHY DID I JUST NOW GET A TEXT FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY THAT THEY JUST RECEIVED MY RECORD?!?!?!??!?!
Fucking unbelievable
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looksbadtodd · 2 months
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danny ana aj im calling you by name fuck all of you and fuck you for ghosting my boyfriend after years of friendship fuck you bitches
#vent post#noo for reaaal though i always thought you were normie af secretly ableist transmisogynistic weirdos but actually actually-- yall are basic#yall arent doing half of what you think you are. you communicate EXTREMELY indirectly and refuse to have responsible caring relationships#you only care about looks and dont actually give a fuck who someone is as a person#youd rather ghost than respond to thoughtful messages reaching out and you drop people that held you up & supported you for YEARS#over boundaries and expectations you literally never communicated and that were NEVER consented to#so fuck you im done being nice fuck you all i hope you dont feel satisfied with yourselves until you learn whatever lesson you need to#bc you really really dont know how to be a caring member of a community you actually abandon people when it gets hard to communicate#then stay in contact with actual abusers wtf#like thank god I dont need yall yall are seriously weird and make me anxious as fuck#text#learning & growing.for example even NBs can have white woman syndrome. my bestie has been trying to tell me...if only i had listened...#ah well theres more fish in the sea and thankfully my bf has a wealth of incredibly stable & loving connections so truly he doesnt need yal#even tho this hurt him and i honeslty want you to suffer for it but w/e i gotta let this go before it affects me more than it already has#you catty insignificant bitches FUUUCCKKKKKKkk *kills kills dies gnashes beating killing killing fight beating death beating to death aaaaa#*
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lesbiansanemi · 4 months
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The fact that I’ve found someone to sublease over a week ago and contacted the landlords OVER A WEEK AGO about needing the application forms and they still haven’t given them to us… please they want to move in on June 1st and I also want that so I don’t have to pay rent by myself I hate landlords I hate them so much
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fingertipsmp3 · 5 months
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I know I complain about being tall but I wouldn’t actually change it for the world
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lordiavolo · 2 years
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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pallas-cat · 8 months
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im fully using this blog like a twitter account sorry but oh my god the fucking
paradox of having had to isolate myself to better myself because social battery died etc. but also now realizing i have no one to currently update things to
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juleteinthrum · 11 months
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Its been a few month since I've been out of headspace why is everything like That. /half joking
Like i knew things would be different but damn, like my arms? My hair? Even my smell is. Off. Everything is off. Its okay, i know whats going on im not disoriented or anything mostly its all surprise but im just. So this is what its actually like to not be out for a while and see things change
System stuff hits a little different sometimes
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irlnikeiyomiuri · 1 year
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i had ONE decent interaction with another person and now i want to ask my friends to come hang out. however, i literally never left my house once covid started, and the few friends/acquaintances i chatted with, as soon as i saw them on person, i very strongly disliked them.
i have one friend.
#puts my head in hands………#also i think she may hate me. so. :(.- I SAY THIS NOT TO VENT. I DO NOT FEEL ANYTHING !!!!!!#i just think u all need to sympathize with how difficult it is to go find fwends#-oh my god im already facing the adult issue of unable to make friends bc of lack of interaction with others#i. the body is still not close to 18. ….. …………#gently whacks andrew. damn bitch who did u let take care of this thing why ur life in shambles?? (totally not my fault)#edit. anyways should i reach out to my friend and try to get her to hang out uhhhh… some time later this week ?#or do i try and contact the person i was around the other day. i’ve known her since like 4th grade but idk if i should call her a friend#we had a fine interaction but it was literally like… four hours after my lesson and before her date. and she just wanted to hear about my#trip. which did in fact take four hours to discuss#so it’s like hmmm do i want to be around her for longer in a unstructured setting-#HER STUPID BF IS SO RICH AND ITS SO INFURIATING TO HEAR ABOUT#THEYRE SO WASTEFUL WITH THEIR MONEY ITS INSANE !!!!!!!!#it makes me so like. ticked off. tf do u mean they last-minute booked u a flight across the country so u could come w them#to the fucking PENINSULA UR BFS GRANDMA O W N S. WHAT ???????#i’m trying to be vague. but this peninsula is in a /nice/ fucking area like if i were to say it y’all would immediately know what i’m#talking about. like uhh. cape cod martha’s vineyard that type of infamy. owns a whole ass peninsula………..#i HATE IT i HATE RICH PEOPLE !!!
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m-a-d-e-l-e-i-n-e · 1 year
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Is it normal to be so obsessed with the idea of being a good or I guess even unproblematic person, to the point where you’re nit-picking every single little thing you say or do and feel like shit about yourself for not always fitting your own idea of being a “perfect” person? …what do you mean “no”?
#like there has to be a term for this 😭#I feel like I’ve become so self-aware that I’m ruining my own life with it#it’s for the dumbest shit too. oh I didn’t make eye contact with someone I passed by on the sidewalk??#well clearly I’m a rude absolute bitch and they hate me now and I have no manners#I don’t think this makes sense#I’ll think in terms of what I wrote in my post about other people too not just myself#like sometimes I’ll start to think someone’s not a good person over like one thing they’ve said or done#and applied it to other scenarios like ‘oh well if they were willing to say/do this then they would do xyz too’#…or like ‘if they’re willing to say/do this then they’re probably even meaner in their head or with people other than me’ you know#I’ve done and said things I’m not proud of so many times just like EVERYONE ELSE#but for some reason my brain will just not let it go and I always think I’m a terrible person and a disappointment#but then on the other hand I’ll think oh well I can’t be that bad if I’m always calculating how I react to things#and am actually bothering to think critically about it#I feel like there’s so little goodness in the world and I try to be a nice person but I feel like a fake and that I’m not really one#can’t even stand up for myself or make a joke without constantly chewing myself out#gets tiring but I’ve thought like this for a while now#well that’s my writing goal for the week done#personal#txt
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mejomonster · 1 year
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Enforcing boundaries has only been a positive since learning and practicing. Every relationship that’s good for my life remains good or gets even better, every relationship that’s hurt me either improves or falls away either way leaving a lot of relief and life just becomes a lot less stressful. If you worry you take care of others and forget yourself and don’t want to say no to people even when doing so would help you feel better, if you feel guilty a lot in life over a lot of things, i really think boundaries would help. i promise the good relationships in life will only continue to be good or become better, and the ones that hurt will stop and it will feel better in the long run. 
this article might help but there’s honestly a plethora of info, find explanations that are helpful for you
#rant#anxiety#i know maybe only 1 person will see this who might need it but really. if u do need it. try it#i used to feel guilty and hate myself for just ADMITTING to a friend i had a bad day instead of a good day#which was not healthy for me. and it also didn't help my friends. i THOUGHT it did (hiding pain from them) but friends WANT to know#how you really are and help you the way you help them.#honest communication and honest boundary setting go a LONG way to make good relationships a million times better#and make pained ones either stop hurting or stop being connections in ur life.#if a boundary ruins something then really that thing ruined is probably something that hurt you.#i had a situation with my mom of lifelong codependency. you know how it is lol. i had to go low/no contact#i decided eventually when i was strong enough to accept her anger or disowning me. that i'd set boundaries.#id decided i would NOT let her scream at me or hit me. if she did then i would NOT talk to her.#and it was scary. she did yell. and i had to enforce my boundaries and stop talking to her and not go to her house if she did.#but ultimately you know? she apologized to me. she wanted to be in my life badly enough to stop yelling at me. she has not yelled at me in#over 2 years now. she has not tried to guilt trip me (call me a selfish bitch/horrible person/accuse me of wanting her dead etc) in 1.5 year#because when she did start doing that i'd stop engaging and enforce my boundaries. im not talking to people who treat me that way.#it is absolutely mindboggling to me. that now i can call my mom and Actually ask for help. that i can feel even 70% certain#she wont say something so cruel i end up feeling suicidal.#its absolutely mindblowing i can call her for help now. i can rely on her and even somewhat trust her now.#i can say i love you on the phone and know i mean it now. know i don't hate her now.#because i Let myself hate her. i let myself hate the cruel things she did and i decided i wasn't#going to  be in her life if she did them. and she decided she cared about me enough to Stop doing them.#it was also good for her. because back in my guilt state i felt she couldnt fend without me (i know i was wrong lol)#but when i stopped dropping everything for her? she learned to reach out to friends and form a support network#she learned to ask for help respectfully to people. to do things on her own that she could. to TALK to her other loved ones#when sad instead of bottling it until she wanted to die and yelling at others. she started some self work for her own mental health.#not because i told her or tried codependently to push her to help herself. no. she did it because the consequences of her actions happened.#she was cruel to her kid so her kid didn't let her be. and she wanted to be with her kid so she worked on changing.#shes still working on it but i am still honestly shocked. id been prepared to never see her again if it had to happen after boundaries.#i had abusive romantic relationships and. none of them would've changed to be better for me. they would've left me
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genderfluid-druid · 1 year
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#ok we're gonna try to finish this story in under 30 tags ok let's go#SO. 'hahaha yeah wow that's crazy that you know him! we did date yeah. (does not elaborate)'#but. okay confession time. i know this was a questionable choice. it was selfish. it fed the brain gremlin that craves validation#but i never blocked M on snapchat#so even though we never talked. i could see when he viewed my stories. and i won't lie. there is a smug part of me that enjoyed#letting him see me go on about my life.#i am a flawed bitch. so sue me. it was a manageable amount of contact that didn't send me into spirals#and he DID keep viewing them.#he even messaged me once! i don't know maybe a year ago. it was totally out of the blue. 'saw this book and thought of you' on a picture of#a nice edition of The Hobbit. i didn't respond. i had to have a petty moment for all the times during the Bad Era when i tried to message#him and he took too long (in my shitty estimation) to message back. so i left him on read. for like a year#okay you can see where this is going so I'll cut to the chase#'i ran into a friend of yours' is a perfectly reasonable conversation starter. it can be the whole conversation if it needs to be.#well. it wasn't#idk. my world state for the last six years has been 'M doesn't care for me and there is no world in which we ever have a civil chat again.'#well. that doesn't track with 'it's past my bedtime but i don't mind staying up to chat' and 'i would love to get an earful about podcasts'#and 'let's chat again' and 'it was really great to hear from you'#idk. i don't know what emotion i should feel. anger is gonna be the first one that makes it to the surface i think#got a good healthy dose of anger happening#grief. i do think there's some grief. mmhmm yep there it is#there are probably some positive emotions but those are the most strenuously repressed and i don't think I'm ready to let the collar off#i have made a lot of choices in the last six years to protect my mental health specifically because of how that relationship ended#so even just talking to him is. well for one thing it's playing a bit fast and loose with the health i have managed to build up#i feel good. my life has been good lately. my therapist moved me from monthly to once every three months. my social life is the most#thriving it's ever been#i am possibly in a place to unbox some things that were thrown in the attic as an emergency measure#i should talk to my therapist
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solpng · 2 years
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i am currently once again in the middle of a fight between my brother and his wife 🤡
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fanghearted · 3 months
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fuck you Josh. if you see this go kys
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bi-writes · 1 month
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who to call to clean up after an "accident" than your sick and twisted military boyfriend? :D (dark!ghost x dark!fem!reader, 18+)
cw: dark!reader, dark!simon, horror movie vibes, graphic depictions of character death/murder, unhealthy relationship dynamics, one slip of daddy, smut, unprotected piv, simon "spit in my mouth" riley, reader and simon are kinda psycho :D
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you've been so nice to her. really nice. you've let it slide off your back whenever she doesn't do her dishes. you pretend you don't notice when she borrows your shoes from the hallway and wears them out to dinner. you hide yourself in your room when she has her awful, loud guests over, and you have never once said anything about how she takes her sweet time in the shared bathroom in the morning and makes you late 2 days a week for work.
but this? this?
she needs to keep simon's name out of her fucking mouth.
"excuse me?" you say finally. your roommate is shrugging on her jacket to leave, her purse in her hand as she types on her phone, using it as a way to not make eye-contact with you. her long nails are tapping against the screen, and it feels like fucking drip water torture. "what the fuck did you just say?"
she sighs, irritated, rolling her eyes as she keeps tapping away at the screen.
"you're so dramatic, it was just a fucking joke."
"you know, i let a lot of things slide," you laugh, humorlessly, and you cross your arms over your chest as you follow her into the kitchen. "but you need to be careful what you say."
"i don't do anything except call it like i see it," she says, tossing her hair over her shoulder and looking at herself in the reflection of the mirror hanging on the wall. "you need to just...go out more. man like that isn't gonna stay for long if you don't give him something to go for. he's bored, you know. when you have him over here all the time. and i've totally caught him peeking at me after i shower, y'know."
"well why the fuck are you wearing nothing but a towel when my boyfriend is here, anyways?" you snap. "he's trying to be polite, he's a guest. what if i wore a fucking towel when you had your guy friends over?"
she laughs, poking at the edge of her lip to fix the gloss of her pout. "trust me, honey, no one's looking at you in a towel."
you step back, a little shocked. she rolls her eyes again, sighing.
"i didn't--"
"are you kidding me?" you retort. "you're the worst fucking roommate in the world, and i put up with all your bullshit, and now you're going to go so low as to insult the way i look just to make yourself feel better?" you make your way around the kitchen island. "you don't wash your fucking dishes, you steal my fucking clothes, you're always late on your rent so i have to spot you--"
"you know what, just because i'm fucking happy, and you're not, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me!"
"i am happy, you sorry bitch!" you cry. "i'm so fucking happy, you're the only thing in my life making me constantly miserable!"
"oh, shove it up your ass, you ungrateful little shit!" she snaps. "you're just so fucking insecure and hate me so badly just because simon would rather fuck a girl like me than have to spend another minute with--"
the crack of cast iron against her head shuts her up. it dents the side of her head easily, and her face smacks against the countertop before she crumples to the floor.
it's so fast. one minute, she's yapping, high-pitched voice straining your ears. the next, she's silent.
and she won't say simon's fucking name again.
you watch with bated breath as she folds into herself, her head hitting the hardwood last, a slow puddle of blood beginning to grow under the tendrils of her hair as your eyes move to the heavy pan you're still holding in your hands.
fuck, that's a lot of blood. god, you thought she was just full of fucking air.
you drop the pan once the rush of anger leaves your chest. it thunks onto the ground, and your hands shake as you see the specks of blood that are on the back of your hands, sprinkled over the shirt you wear. it stains your bare legs, even your toes, and you don't even want to look at the spray of it along the counters.
you should be crying, you think. you should feel bad. you're trembling a little, but you think it's just the adrenaline beginning to fade and not the guilt you know is supposed to be racking your insides.
you turn your eyes back to her. her eyes are dull. she doesn't move. it's so quiet now, utterly silent, and you take a deep breath as you take in the silence that you've craved for a long while now. you make your way quietly out of the kitchen, stepping over her body before going for your phone that sits on the coffee table in front of the couch.
you keep your eyes on her as you put your phone to your ear. it rings, and you tilt your head to the side as the blood begins to spiderweb under the kitchen table.
"'ello?"
you blink, looking towards the door. you clutch your phone a little tighter to your ear.
"simon?" you say softly. "a-are...are you busy?"
he hums lowly, chuckling, "no' at the moment, swee'eart, why?" he asks. "mmm...missed y'r voice..." you close your eyes as you hear the buckle of his belt. you try not to picture your giant of a boyfriend leaning back on his worn couch and shoving his jeans low enough to fuck his fist. "tolk t'me, luv...tell me 'ow much ya miss daddy."
you clear your throat gently, willing yourself to ignore the soft squelch of what you know is his hand around his cock, to not let it distract you from what's more important. "uhm...i liked the flowers you gave me, simon. t-they were beautiful."
the sounds on the other end of the phone quiet. you hear shuffling, and then a few moments later, the clink of his car keys.
"tha' right, baby?" he asks, and you close your eyes as you hear the front door of his flat opening. he's already on the way, already coming.
"yeah," you sniffle. "really nice sunflowers."
a yellow flower. he huffs on the other end of the phone, breathing a little easier.
"good girl," he murmurs, and then the line cuts. you set the phone down, making your way back to the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. you watch as the blood continues to curl over the floor. you make no attempt to help her; you just swing your feet under you as you look at her spoiled outfit, just grateful she isn't wearing your shoes or one of your jackets. you would hate to have to throw something out that she got all dirty.
there's a curt knock at the door ten minutes later, and then it opens. simon shuts the door behind him, cracking his neck by moving it from side to side before narrowing his eyes at you. you bite your lip, blinking, forgetting suddenly why he is here when he looks so fucking good. he's got a sweatshirt on under his windbreaker, worn jeans tucked into his boots; you like these jeans, his ass looks incredible in them.
"wot happened?" he asks. you stand, remembering your place. your lip starts trembling, and simon's eyes soften just a little. he's wearing his balaclava, hood up over his head and jacket zipped up, shadowing any true expression on his face. his gait sounds heavy as he lets his hands out of his pockets, coming towards you. when he steps into the kitchen, his eyes dart towards your roommate who's still on the floor, laid out unnaturally just by the oven.
he lets out a low breath, clicking his tongue under the mask. you hold your breath as you wait for his reaction.
"bloody hell," simon mutters, reaching up and throwing his hood off. you wring your hands together nervously, your eyes beginning to sting with tears. you brace for the accusations, for the inevitable terror of facing the music. simon is military, for fuck's sake, why the fuck did you think turning to him would be a good idea?
"i...i-i--" you start, looking up at him, and he holds up a hand, taking the side of your face into his palm before smoothing a gloved thumb over your bottom lip. you blink in confusion, not understanding.
"'s olright, baby," he shushes you, shaking his head. "don't cry."
"simon, i--" you sputter a little, gripping his wrist gently. "i just--i couldn't do it anymore, she just--"
he pities you. maybe you can explain. maybe if you tell him a warped story of what happened, he can help you. he must know someone. he must have important friends, he must--
he uses his free hand to move his mask up over his nose, and you lean into him when he bends, kissing you warmly. your eyes flutter shut, and you shuffle closer as he kisses you sloppy, kisses you hot. you mewl as he slips his tongue into your mouth, licking over your teeth and humming low as he pulls away. his eyes are flashing.
mmm. love.
"hmm..." simon licks his lips, smiling a little. he looks over you, almost pensive, his eyes scanning over your face before he settles back on your eyes. it's tender, the way he looks at you. romantic. "let's get this off of ya."
he reaches for the large shirt you are wearing, pulling it up and over your head. he crumples it into a ball before tossing it on top of your roommate, nodding his head behind you.
it's then that you realize simon isn't going to do the noble thing. he isn't going to call the police. he isn't going to turn you in, make you explain, he seems uninterested in knowing what really happened. no, he already knows what happened. but that's not important.
his pretty, perfect girl got into a little trouble. and he's going to make this go away.
"go on, luv. take a nice shower, yeah?" simon turns you around and pushes on your back gently. you suck in a shaky breath when he fondles your ass, pulling on your panties gently. "mmm...take these off, too."
you slip your panties down your legs, handing them to him.
"they have blood on them, too?" you ask, wiping your face, and he chuckles lowly.
"nah," he shrugs, stuffing them into his back pocket after taking a little sniff. "these are just for me."
jesus fucking christ, there's really something wrong with him. there's something really, really wrong with him.
and something wrong with me.
simon looks you up and down, his eyes catching on your naked body for just a few moments before he nods his head again.
"go on," he tells you. "before i get distracted." you pause for a moment, tilting your head back a little as he reaches out and cups one of your breasts in his big hand. you bite your lip, swallowing back a heavy breath as he flicks his thumb over your nipple gently. "greatest tits 've ever seen," he mumbles, scrunching his nose under the mask before he lets you go. "yeah, go on, baby." it takes everything in you to walk away when you see him reach down with that same hand and grip his bulge through his jeans, adjusting himself as he turns back to the mess in the kitchen.
when you shut the bathroom door behind you, you hear shuffling in the living room. the coffee table scraping. the couch being pushed. the rustle of the rug you have there. he grunts a little, and you hear his boots track from the kitchen back to the living room.
you turn the water on hot. you decide to take a bath, not looking at yourself in the mirror as you sink into the tub and plug the drain. you make the water scalding, and it soothes your sore muscles as you rest your cheek against the edge of the tub and stare at the door.
you're not sure how long you stay there. long enough for the water to nearly slosh over the edge of the tub and for simon to swing the bathroom door open, seemingly done with his...tasks.
he's taken his sweatshirt off. just a black t-shirt tucked into jeans, and there's a slight pant to his breaths that tell you he's exerted some energy. you notice he has his gloves still on, but before he touches you, he takes them off and tosses them into the sink.
"move over," simon mutters, starting to undress. you look up at him as he undoes the button on his pants, shucking his shirt off and into the corner before dropping his jeans. the water swishes as you sit up, and you swallow hard when simon kicks his boots and pants off, his cock hanging heavy as his mask is the last to hit the floor.
fuck, he's so pretty.
he has no regard for his size. he simply steps into the tub behind you, taking a seat. he looks comically large in your small bathtub, and you squeak a little as the water spills over the edge of the bath and wets the floor. he hums as he feels the hot water on his back. you don't say anything as his hands start to turn the water a little red. you just look up, away, at him.
you shuffle between his legs, tucking yourself into his space. you can't help but look him up and down, admiring his naked physique. he's just hot. big arms, thick thighs, sunburnt tattoos and scars cutting across his face. he hasn't shaved today, so there's some stubble along his jaw, but your eyes focus a little too much on his girthy length, heavy as it sits on his stomach and leaks a little there. his fat stomach, all solid and pudgy, such a nice place for you to rest your hands.
"you did good today," simon says finally. you look at him, and he tilts his head to the side. his approval makes your chest warm. "callin' me like tha'. wot a good girl you are."
keeping quiet on the phone is what he doesn't add out loud.
you purse your lips, trying not to keen at the praise, but it's hard not to when he reaches over and slides his hand over your shoulder, thumbing at your jaw.
"i-i didn't...didn't know what to do," you admit, and he clicks his tongue, shaking his head. you didn't know what to do, so you called him. level-headed enough to not do something rash and call someone else, no, you called him.
"mmm...tha's wot i'm 'ere for, luv," simon soothes you. "made such a little mess..."
you close your eyes. it's sick. deranged. fuck, it feels nice.
why don't i feel anything?
"i know. i'm sorry."
"nothin' ta be sorry about."
you slump into his arms, resting your cheek on his solid chest. you can feel his cock pulsing against your tummy, and you adjust yourself in the water, straddling him as you rest your chin on his pecs and look up at him through watery eyes.
you aren't sad. no. not sad at all. simon has shown you what he will do for the you. the lengths he will go. what he'll forgive just to take care of you. he's so capable, so understanding.
sick. twisted. mine.
"then i'll just say thank you," you mumble, grinding your hips slowly. simon hums, a wicked smile coming over his scarred face. he licks over his bottom lip, big hands gripping you by the fat of your hips as you grip the edges of the tub for stability. "say thank you to my big, strong man for taking such good care of me..."
he chuckles, his eyes lowering, watching your tits sway as you fit your pussy over his length and grind down on him.
"tha' so, baby?"
you nod.
"mhm," you whine. "how can i thank you, my big boy? how can i show you how grateful i am for cleaning up after me, hmm?" you bend at the waist, kissing him wet and warm, and he hisses as you suck his tongue into your mouth. he tastes like cigarettes, and normally you would curse him for it, but right now it tastes so much like him, and you lick around his teeth trying to taste more of that sweet nicotine.
"fuck--such a naughty little girl..." he snickers, reaching down. you sigh when he slides his big palms over your ass, forcing you to grind slower, the tip of his cock sliding through your folds leisurely. you grip the edges of the tub tighter, pressing down to give you more leverage to grind down harder. "make such a mess, oll the time..." you gasp when he presses into you just enough, the tip breaching your entrance and forcing you to squeeze around him, your cunt trying to suck him in. "olways needin' me ta pick up afta ya..."
you giggle, sliding your hands up his chest, gripping his shoulders for leverage as you sink down onto him. he grits his teeth as you do, his eyes focused on the way his cock disappears inch by inch until you're seated down in his lap, his length kissing deep and twitching excitedly. he always feels like a teenager again whenever you fuck--like you're the first pretty girl to ever wet his cock.
you cup his cheeks finally, smoothing your thumbs under his eyes as you bring his gaze up to meet yours. you swallow hard, looking down at him.
"i-i love you, simon," you breathe. he stills underneath you, his jaw clenching as he frowns just a little. you come a little closer, nuzzling your nose against his, your thumb falling to trace the outline of his torn lip. "i should've said it a long time ago...i-i..."
"heart's beatin' out y'r chest, luv," he mutters lowly. "'s olright...'m not goin' anywhere."
it's so disgusting. you should be fucking ill. you should be scrambling to the toilet, your breakfast halfway up your throat. you should be crying, emotional, begging simon to tell the cops that it was all your fault, because it is. he should've come here and made you do the level-headed thing and confess your terrible crime.
he shouldn't be here, sitting underneath you in your tub, cock-deep inside of you after helping you commit murder and then fucking clean it all up.
"what did i do?" you gasp, sitting up. you move to get out of the tub, but simon growls, putting two firm hands on your ass and shoving you back down on his cock, making you cry. "w-what did i do? s-simon, why don't i feel bad, why am i not sorry--?!"
simon tsks, feigning comfort. he juts his bottom lip out into a pout, mocking your little cries.
"oh, luvvie, don't start cryin' now," he chuckles. "don't start pretending like y'care."
uhm...
"simon--"
"no one likes a liar."
you're still trying to pretend, and he knows this. you're still trying to act how someone normally would react. someone normal, someone who thinks rationally, would never have picked up the pan in the first place. and even if they had, they would've scrambled, cried, picked up the phone and confessed, called an ambulance as they tried to get her to start breathing again, put both hands on her chest and tried to get her wake up.
but you didn't. you watched, unnervingly calm, as she stained the hardwood with her blood. you watched as her eyes glassed over, lifeless, and you watched as her insides began to paint the floor in abstract shapes as you gave it time to spread. and not once during that time, or waiting for simon, did you think to help her.
you didn't want to help her. and you certainly didn't think she deserved to get back up. maybe she hadn't done anything quite harsh enough to deserve death in someone else's eyes. annoying, overbearing, rude.
but it's hard to feel bad when she talked about simon. when she called him by his name. when you've seen her let her towel slip when he's in her vicinity, trying to coax him into her room when you're looking away.
you should've taken one of the throwing knives that simon hides in his boot and thrown it at her then, just for that.
"we're cut from the same bloody cloth, baby," simon says, almost accusingly. you grip the edges of the tub, trying to stand again, but he cants his hips and fucks up into you, drawing a frenzied moan out of you. you reach for his shoulders as he does it again, his tongue darting out before he licks a fat stripe over your pebbled nipple. "'s olright. 's okay, luv. don't worry. don't hafta get y'r hands dirty, swee'eart, i've got it."
"but simon," you whine, but all he does is shake his head. you don't have to put on this morality act for him. you don't have to pretend that you are sorry for something that you had every right to do, you don't have to explain to him why you aren't feeling the way you should be feeling.
simon doesn't care about how you should feel. he only cares about how you actually feel.
"she was in y'r way," simon grunts. "always bein' a bloody brat." he fists your hair and brings your mouth to his, groaning as you tighten around his cock. "'ow many times did she fuck ya over, baby, hmm? 'ow many times did she steal y'r fuckin' things, come outta the loo wearin' nothin' but her fuckin' knickers, yeah? 'ow many times?"
you kiss him, frantic, digging your nails into his pecs and dragging them angrily.
yeah. fuck her. fuck what she did to me, fuck the way she behaved, fuck her stupid face and her stupid attitude and her stupid little games.
"called ya names..." he's hitting your sweet spot now, making you cry from pleasure. your pussy feels so hot, squeezing him because you know he's right, and the way he fucks this time makes you think he really knows what you are and knows exactly how to get you there. "wot a fuckin' twat. deserved every bit o' it, baby."
you meet his eyes, dark and cruel. he's still moving, still holding onto your hips and drawing out little whines, but it's different suddenly, it's more. you nod, understanding.
simon is terrible. no good. his head isn't in the right place, maybe it never has been. you wonder, briefly, if this is what he does when he's at work, if these are the things that he's used to. maybe simon has been in service too long--maybe he doesn't understand that you aren't at war here, that you can't just kill and clean up, that you aren't in the field.
"she deserved it," you whimper, and he grins, all teeth, all mean.
"tha's it."
"she was such a bitch."
"fuckin' right."
"she got what was coming for her."
"nnghhh--fuck, baby, gonna make me fuckin' cum, tolkin' like tha'," he hisses. you practically smack him as you grab onto his scarred face, gritting your teeth as you glare down at him. his lips part, and you spit in his mouth as he fucks up into you, thighs hitting your ass with a wet smack that makes your head spin.
"and i'll get rid of the next bitch that so much as looks your way, simon."
the kiss is searing. hot, blinding, white noise fills your ears as he cums with you, stuffing you full as he cums hard, a pained groan leaving him as he collapses against the porcelain tub with a harsh thud. you follow him, chasing after him, kissing him between heavy breaths as you don't make any effort to move off of him. when simon opens his eyes, he can't help but smile.
he's never seen his reflection without a mirror.
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pinkautist · 11 months
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i hate when you talk about the "sounds" certain things in space produce (it's magnetic waves or smth translated INTO sound) and some person has to be like, "UMMMM ACTUALLY THERE ARE NO SOUNDS IN SPACE." like. i know. i didn't ask! shut up!
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