#try and remember that

[lrndvs]

compliments from girls go hard

[amessageonthewind]

Ended up arranging my breakup playlist in Narrative Order so that it has flow and all of the feelings associated are in emotional order.

Wanted an excuse to highlight this song that's roughly in the middle before exile (when it happened for real, when I decided to end it for good).

The last two songs on the playlist are What Was I Made For? and evermore... they impart on me a profound sense of hope for the future and a peace I can feel with myself in order to move on with assurance and kindness towards myself.

Small rant below the cut. Not really a vent, but it's a lot of personal feelings, so if you don't wanna read, you don't have to. I'm okay and I'll be okay.

Today was a STAT holiday and I start work tomorrow after not having worked most of last week aside from Sunday. My fiancée have work at around the same time, so our morning will be spent together and then we'll leave at around the same time... I think this is going to finally feel like a fresh start after everything. Like I'll be taking my first steps again.

It'll be hard, but... it doesn't feel as hard as I thought it would. And it doesn't feel as hard as it did before in similar situations. As much as he took a dig at me for 'finally understanding why my former friends left me' (fuck you, that is a low blow), he's the one coming out of this losing everything good he ever had. My family liked him, he had integrated seamlessly with my fiancée and I, we both loved and cared about him, he lost our entire shared friend group and the respect of everyone around us because his true colours and how he reacted spoke for itself. I didn't even have to defend myself, he just dug his own grave and it cost him everything.

I walked out of this with assurance and stronger bonds with my communities. I know who I can trust now, I no longer have any doubts about anyone. I no longer feel the need to read into what anyone says to me because I can trust that they're honest with me and that they trust in the best in me, too. I came out of this stronger and with more faith and trust in my loved ones that I had been struggling with before. I no longer do...

I held my head high. I maintained my integrity. I handled everything with utmost grace and dignity, extended respect, fairness, compassion, and empathy at every single turn and he spat it all back in our faces before throwing gasoline on the bridge for good measure just because he couldn't handle the thought of being wrong or having to take accountability or responsibility.

One day, all he'll be left with is his ego and he'll have no one but himself to blame... and I'll be living my life with the assurance that my character speaks for itself and that people will know what I'm about. Yes, I know that there will still be people who will deliberately misunderstand me, but... the thought doesn't hurt as much.

I'm not the same person I was back then, despite what he chooses to think. And that shows in what the outcome was.

And as much as I'd like to get back at him for how deliberately cruel he decided to be towards me (I am only human and the primal monkey brain demands retribution for the crime committed), I think in this instance the best revenge is a life well lived.

Either that or I'll post our last exchange and his chickenshit attempts to hide the evidence of his abusive and manipulative messages to a subreddit somewhere with his identity omitted. I'll see how petty I still feel and how much I actually want to commit to that idea. Some part of me wants to get some retribution for him trying to hide what he did and try to gaslight me retroactively, so we'll see if that temptation lasts. I don't actually want to hurt him or for him to get hurt, but I can't stand the thought of him getting away with this, either. And the thought of him seething hearing his own words repeated back to him with scorn from the internet is a satisfying one, especially since his identity would be removed/omitted, he would have to just sit there and stew in his rage in silence lest he out himself as 'the asshole.' It would put him in the position of either having to admit that he was the one who said that shit and tried to hide it or have to admit to himself that he ruined the best relationship he ever had and has no chance of fixing it and just has to live with it.

I'll never know, but the idea gives me some satisfaction. But again... we'll see if I'm willing to commit to that idea. Probably not, but you never know. Maybe the unresolved injustice will be stronger than my apathy towards him.

This turned into a long ramble, I'm gonna get back to editing so that I can reclaim my hobbies. It's about time that I get back to enjoying my life, again.

[humming-fly]

I love how Gerald was trying to keep Shadow from spoiling anything about the future meanwhile literally everything Shadow says and does around Maria is the biggest death flag ever

[nonbinoclard]

classic toxic yuri btw.

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[aphel1on]

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

[drulalovescas]

Being Jensen Ross Ackles wasn't easy on the day of shooting the confession

[aveloka-draws]

Cerva would have named him Patricio if it were up to him

[chloesimaginationthings]

Sometimes I think about the FNAF 3 ending,,

[technically-human]

He did eventually sign it

[astronnova]

[smoosie]

A different tomorrow

[zeropro]

I wondered how starscream reacted to seeing Jetfire again

It’s not going great!

Woops! I wrote a drabble. Not sure how this conversation started but this is sure how it's decided to go!

"You were gone, Skyfire. I mourned you. I…"

"You burned Iacon to the ground! Destroyed our home!"

"I did it for you!"

Skyfire finally threw down his tools and turned on the seeker. "In what world would I have ever wanted that??" He screamed, temper flaring.

"No, I wanted it!" Starscream retaliated, even as he took a step back. "I needed it, I couldn't move on otherwise."

"Yeah, because you definitely sound like a mech who’s been able to move on."

"I did! believe it or not. I became more than I ever was playing scientist at your precious little academy. I was the air commander of an entire army, second in command only to Lord Megatron. I was somebody to be respected, feared even! And then YOU had to come back and ruin it."

"How is any of this MY fault?"

"You were DEAD! You weren't supposed to come back! You weren't supposed to know about any of this. About…you LEFT me and I had to pick up the pieces and you dare judge me for how it played out?"

"Starscream, things dont just 'play out.' You made choices. Bad ones. You can't blame that on me."

"Haha! No, but I CAN blame you for betraying me! For choosing the Autobots over me! Like everything we had before meant nothing!"

"You SHOT me! For trying to protect the native lifeforms! Who does that?!"

Starscream sneered, hateful and ugly. "As if you hadn’t already made up your mind about me by that point."

Skyfire looked at him, as though for the first time. He took in how the frame shook with each haggard vent, the lines of wear framing each restless optic, the tight aggressive cant of the wings. "You've changed, Starscream. You’re not the same mech I knew."

"You’re right." Starscream said, voice dark with pride. "I’m stronger now."

"Are you? Or are you just more hurt and more bitter and more willing to hurt people? Face it, Starscream. You’ve had no one to rely on because you refuse to trust anyone. And look where that's gotten you."

Starscream glared at him. "You don’t know anything," he hissed, before spinning on his heels and storming out of the lab.

Wheeljack coughed awkwardly, fiddling with his instruments. Skyfire looked around as the science team silently got back to work.

Skywarp's were the only pair of optics that met his from across the room; his quiet stare cold, hard, and unreadable.

[lotus-pear]

11/20

[charmwasjess]

I’ll never quite get over just how integrated kids are into daily Jedi life and the implications of that.

Dooku’s Temple "job" for years seems to have been “teaching lightsaber preschool.” Sifo-Dyas, the guy with the scary doom visions? Oh yeah, they have him working with infants, bringing babies to the Temple as a Seeker. Jocasta Nu is constantly depicted interacting with the younger generation of Jedi, teaching, helping, or mentoring. In TCW, she knows all the Padawans on sight. 

There’s just something really ordinary and charming to me about this. Sure, Dooku is a terrifying 2m of spider limbs in a robe, but he’s still going down on one sinister knee to check out the little crying kid who got a finger crunched by one of those wooden training swords. How many of the TCW-era Jedi were once babies who played with Sifo-Dyas’s hair loopies or cuddled on his chest as he pointed his T-6 back toward the Temple after another successful Seeking mission? (Space is, after all, cold. 🥺) You just know Jocasta is in very reluctant possession of knowledge of every single teen Padawan drama, crush, or breakup. She tries to stay out of it, but she’s broken up fights and pulled particulars into her office for tea and a gentle lecture on the inherent self-destructiveness of gossip. 

And these are not “just some” Jedi - they are all combat trained, politically important, at the top of their rank and even each sit on the Council at some point in their lives. The Jedi Order really went “super powerful space wizards with laser swords, yeah, but they should also all definitely know how to change a diaper." 

[mimosita]

[i've never doubted that palestine will live.

the US dropped more than 7.5 million tons of bombs on vietnam, laos and cambodia from 1965-75. they destroyed our land, used agent orange, slaughtered villages, separated families, the list goes on.

but we're. still. here.

indigenous people are still here. black people are still here. colonized people are resilient. even if you kill our people, ban our languages, destroy our homes, heritage sites and artifacts, we will always find a way to keep our cultures alive and that has always been true

so much of the west and isntreal's tactics and actions are hauntingly familiar to me as a viet person. its a colonizer's rinse and repeat. and so that's how i know palestine will be free. we've seen this film before]