#trying to tag anything triggering idk what else

[sulfur1c-4cid]

lets be ball with mama

[starflungwaddledee]

you very much can use 🌟 pronouns verbally! (star/stars/starself)!

this might work for some folks, but not for me! please don't use these for me!

as you might imagine i explored a lot of stuff like this after finally learning that i was xenogender in my early 30s. i'm well aware of star/stars pronouns and stargender, and a wide array of other star/space themed neogenders. there are many cool and beautiful ones out there, and i respect and love them utterly!

but to me these are not at all the same and they are not interchangeable.

my 'emoji' pronoun does not sound nor look like that!!! it's a different colour. it's a different vibe. it's something else entirely and it cannot be pronounced by us. kinda like a little chiming sound. if you could jingle a bell every time you wanted to refer to me verbally, then we might be getting close! 😂

please under no circumstances use star/stars/starself for me. they are very different. she/her/it is fine and easy!!

[explorevenus]

something permanent pt 14 ♡ yandere!leon kennedy x reader

nsfw (18+) - minors. i stg. do not interact or i will call the cops

reminder that this is a dark fic, if any of the following bothers/triggers you, do not read: yandere!leon kennedy, kidnapping, forced daddy kink, forced breeding, pregnancy, non/dubcon

in other words, dead dove: do not eat !!! u have been warned and u are responsible for ur own media consumption.

chapter index: pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, pt. 5, pt. 6, pt. 7, pt. 8, pt. 9, pt. 10, pt. 11, pt. 12, pt. 13

'something permanent’: the spotify playlist

word count: 6.8k

description: leon and darling become parents at last.

tags/warnings: yandere!leon kennedy, fem/afab!reader, no use of (y/n), some gory descriptions cus darling goes into labor obvi, girl dad leon, corny dad leon, horny dad leon (no smut tho i'm sorry. she just gave birth idk what u want from me), medical setting, breastfeeding, manipulation, stockholm syndrome-ish implications, some angst but also fluff

a/n: !!! i hope this was worth the wait <33 big big big big BIG sexy thanks to @dollfacefantasy and @gigabyte-flare for beta reading <3 i don't really have anything else to say other than that i appreciate everyone's patience while i've been dealing with some pretty major life things and i just hope you like it. gentle reminder that the taglist has been moved to the bottom of the chapter to reduce clutter

my masterlist ♡

my ao3 ♡

fic under the cut, thanks so much for reading and i hope u enjoy !!

-venus ♡

It went without saying that Leon had seen a lot of gore in his life.

A whole lot of gore.

He'd witnessed gushing bullet wounds, gaping slices of undead flesh, pulverized bodies, genetically modified monstrosities exploding into even more horrific versions of themselves, only to be slain by his hand, often spraying back to douse him in the kind of fetid rot that couldn't be washed out, only burned, the kind that clung deep in his skin for days after... and yet nothing could have possibly prepared him for what it would be like to witness you going into premature childbirth.

Nothing.

You were in so much pain, you were hollering and crying so hard you could barely get a breath in, and apart from holding your hand, he was powerless to help you. It was gutting.

"Shh, shh... you're doing so good, baby, just breathe with me, just breathe," He said to you, trying to manage his tone to be as reassuring as possible, but the stress had long since become him.

How could it not? He was watching his own lover split apart while conscious, pleading with the universe to ease the pain, even with an 18-gauge needle in the spine. You were miserable, and you were terrified, and Leon was terrified too. Perhaps even more than he'd ever been, because this wasn't supposed to be happening yet. He was supposed to have at least another month and a half to pamper you and watch you grow, at least another month and a half to prepare for this. 

Not to mention he wasn't entirely fond of the swarm of nurses in your face and between your legs, the rotating door of doctors and specialists working on your exposed body with absolutely no capability of understanding how important you were to him, how special and sweet you were, how little you deserved this.

It did occur to him, in the midst of all the noise, that perhaps this was the wrong idea. That he shouldn't have forced the one person he loves the most in the world to suffer like this on his behalf. That maybe he'd made a grave mistake that he could never atone for, a mistake that would surpass anything he's ever experienced in its devastation.

But all of those fears crumbled to ash when he saw her for the first time.

Monday, December 21, 2015. Winter solstice. 3:36 a.m.

She was so pink. She was so, so small, so pink, and so angry to be alive, but she was alive and crying. She was alive.

In that moment, Leon experienced whatever the opposite of blacking out was, a shot of pure adrenaline down his spine that made everything shine a little brighter. He didn't even realize he was crying with relief until he turned and saw that you were, too. You were barely cognizant, what with the delightful cocktail of shock and panic and pain medication coursing through you, but you were conscious and aware— at least for now— limp with exhaustion aside from clutching Leon's hand for dear life while the professionals got to work sewing you up, and he couldn't help but swipe your slick hair away from your forehead to shower you in tearful kisses.

"My good girl... I'm so fucking proud of you," He spoke into your hair, pressing a heavy kiss to the crown of your head as his free hand cradled your cheek, holding you as close to him as he could physically manage. "I love you so much... I love you..."

You weren't really registering much other than the pure relief of it all, but Leon couldn't blame you. In his eyes, he just witnessed you creating his entire universe, and you deserved all the rest you could get. You'd certainly need it in the coming months.

And even just the coming weeks, as many as it might take for her to incubate and grow a bit.

She was alive, and she was as healthy as she could be, considering the circumstances, but Christ, she wasn't even done cooking yet. She was so little, weighing in at just three pounds, seven ounces, and she looked more like a gummy bear than a baby. She was hooked up to so many machines in the NICU that he could barely stand to even watch after a while, for his own peace of mind.

But he couldn't relax, either, so Leon just stayed at your bedside for most of the night, watching you sleep. Killing time. Occasionally he would wander off for a walk up and down the halls, or to the cafeteria for a bitter black coffee to jump his brain, or he would linger by the window into the NICU for a while to watch her sleep, to see her pink and yellow baby blanket just barely rise and fall with every tiny breath so he could know for sure she was really here. And then he'd repeat his rounds all over again.

The nurses promised him over and over again that she was healthy, that there was no cause for concern at this point, but that didn't really stop him from concerning himself quite severely. He wasn't even sure he understood his own metric for what it would take to get him to relax at this point, so he just stopped asking questions after a while.

Walk the halls. Bitter black coffee. Check on baby. Walk back. Check on you. Wash, rinse, repeat. Eventually the nurses were looking at him like they were debating offering him an Ambien under the table just to calm him down, and perhaps because he'd grown so used to avoiding drawing attention to himself, that was when he finally decided to just sit his ass down at your bedside and stay there.

In his boredom he found that the TV was perpetually stuck on the Hallmark channel, streaming from an endless well of corny, poorly written holiday movies that left more than enough to be desired, but it was better than nothing. Leon couldn’t stand the silence, and at least it kept his mind somewhat occupied while he thumbed through that heavy book of baby names.

He’d already found one he liked— Abigail— but that still left room for one more. He couldn’t even decide if he thought that should be her first name or her middle name. All he knew was what the book told him, flowery words describing the meaning of the name as that of my father’s joy, and that was quite true, wasn’t it? She was his firstborn, and more than that, her mommy was you. Nothing in the entire universe could possibly stand to make him happier or more joyous, and thus Abigail was fitting. But how was he supposed to find another name to describe her when he hadn’t even had the opportunity to get to know her yet?

Or was this secondary name his opportunity to start a thread of her destiny for her?

It’s not like he never asked you for your opinion, you had just chosen time and time again not to give it to him. You were almost completely impartial when it came to talking about the baby, so regardless of how badly he ached for your participation in planning for the life you’d created together, he had long since become bitterly used to making decisions like this on his own.

With a deep sigh Leon let the book rest in his lap, fingertips drumming on the wooden armrests of his chair in thought of the kind of life he wanted for his baby girl. All he could think was that he wanted her to run, play, and be happy. He wanted her to be good to the world and he wanted the world to treat her even better in return. He wanted to ensure she’d never have to worry about a thing, that she would grow up kind and quick and a much better woman than he ever was a man.

He wanted her to be gentle and sweet and protected, like a princess, his jubilant little baby princess.

Lifting the book once more, Leon opened it back up to its table of contents and skimmed over the lines for the millionth time, only now he actually had a vague idea of what he might be looking for. The book was structured in sections, the first being cultural and regional names, the second being historical and literary names, and the last section was an alphabetized glossary of them all in one. It was exhaustingly organized and comprehensive to the last detail, but hey, so was he.

Tracing the page with two fingertips, he found the historical section of the table and went down the line, skimmed over architects, artists, explorers, war heroes, religious figures… all the way down to royalty.

Leon’s hope wavered a little bit when he found most of the names under that section to be underwhelming or flat-out bad when paired with ‘Abigail,’ but his mind had been set on that for so long that he’d already decided he wasn’t budging on it. He was toying with the idea of taking a break from his search for the night, until an entry on the list of princess names caught his eye. In his exhaustion, he must have previously overlooked it.

Charlotte.

“Charlotte Abigail,” Leon mumbled aloud, testing the name on his tongue. “Charlotte Abigail Kennedy…”

It flowed from his lips like a beautiful waltz.

The enticing scent of Leon's umpteenth black coffee was the first thing you noticed when you woke up, followed by the dull, full body ache that weighed you down to the hospital bed. Your head was throbbing, your eyes and throat were stinging and dry from overexertion, but more than that, you felt something like relief.

Yes, it was definitely relief, because any amount of pain in that moment felt like reprieve in comparison to active labor. And maybe you were still a bit fuzzy from the meds, but you weren't complaining.

Slowly, you blinked awake and took in your surroundings, the room quiet aside from the occasional beep of electronic medical equipment, and the subtle, rhythmic rumble of... Leon snoring?

Tilting your head, you saw Leon right there at your bedside, coffee untouched and still steaming on the little tray next to him. His legs were outstretched, arms crossed at his chest, and he had his head tilted back with that comically large book of baby names split open to rest over his face, blocking the fluorescent lights and rising sun from his tired eyes. You just watched him for a moment, knowing he'd likely spent all night fretting over you until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.

For as much as you would have loved to just lay there and enjoy the quiet for a moment, though, you knew it was probably wiser to let him know you were awake. At least that way you could talk him into forfeiting his coffee.

"Hey," you spoke up gently, your voice hushed with sleep and a bit hoarse, "I'm pretty sure the shop in the lobby sells bookmarks."

He jolted a little and then stirred, gravity pulling the heavy book down until his arm shot up to catch it and lift it from his face with an exhausted look of surprise. "Y-You're awake—”

"Gimme that," you interrupted, arm outstretched in a dramatic show of grabby-hands at the paper cup of coffee placed just outside your reach. You could barely even remember the last time you were allowed a sip of coffee, and having to lay here smelling it but not tasting it when you so sorely needed it was torture.

Leon blinked once or twice in confusion, clearing away the haze that clouded his frayed neurons, and as his eyes followed the path between your fingertips and the shitty cup of black coffee he'd fallen asleep before having the chance to drink, he couldn't help but puff out a little laugh, handing it off to you without hesitation. For fuck's sake, you'd earned it, hadn't you?

The cup had been sitting there idle for just long enough that its contents weren't blistering hot, but perfectly drinkable. You took a quick sip, and then another, nose scrunching up for a moment because it tasted more like a dirty ashtray than it did coffee, but somehow it still went down like liquid gold. At least the taste was enough to keep you from drinking it too fast.

"How do you feel, pup?" Leon asked, tracing the curve of your cheekbone with a delicate thumb. As joyful as it was to see you awake and in decent spirits, he had to ask, because it's not like you were just waking up from any old nap. He watched you split apart last night. He could still smell your blood. Surely you had more to concern yourself about than caffeine.

Setting aside the cup, you searched your mind for the right way to articulate how you felt right now, but found it exceptionally difficult to encapsulate what all was going on up there after giving birth for the first time. So, you decided to start with how your body felt and work your way through it from there.

"Sore, like a bowling ball went through me... but it's not unbearable. I think the pain meds are still working," you began, tilting your head to let your cheek squish into the palm of his hand. "I feel a little numb and groggy."

With a sympathetic hum, he nodded, leaning over you to smooth your messy hair back and press a kiss to your forehead. "I'm not surprised, baby, you do seem a bit silly. They drugged you up pretty good," he said, speaking from experience, "but at least you're not in too much pain."

A beat of surprisingly comfortable silence passed between you two as you finished waking up and Leon just stared at you, as he often did. While the air between the two of you felt thankfully free of tension, it wasn’t without anticipation, nor was it without the presence of that massive elephant.

You knew she was okay because if she wasn’t, Leon would be having a nuclear meltdown, but you barely even got to see her before you passed out, so you didn’t know how okay she was. 

“Where is she?” You asked gently, hands fidgeting in your lap.

“She’s in the little incubator, but they said they could bring her in here when you woke up, if you were feeling well enough,” he answered, looking up at you through his lashes like a pleading puppy as he asked, “are you?”

You felt a rush deep in your chest that you couldn’t explain, emotion, and you found that your head was bobbing up and down in a nod before you even thought about it. You didn’t need to think about it. Of course your feelings about your situation and this baby were… complicated, to put it kindly, but you spent seven-ish months cooking the damn thing, so you might as well take the chance to hold her and get to meet her, right?

Leon didn’t waste any time scrambling off to get a nurse, and as you sat there waiting, you couldn’t help but wonder what she was going to be like. You weren’t ignorant of the fact that newborn babies didn’t have strong features yet, but you wondered if she would have any hair on her head, or what she would feel like in your arms, or what little sounds she might make. The few short minutes it took for Leon to return with your baby and a couple of nurses felt like a million years.

The door opened, and your heart stopped beating for a second. Your mouth dried and your eyes burned with tears.

She was so little.

Even swaddled up in a blanket, her tiny body was barely the width of Leon's forearm, her little head rested in the crook of his elbow while her socked and blanketed feet were tucked in the palm of his hand. Everything you felt in this moment was truly overwhelming— fright, nerves, and perhaps even a bit of pride, because come on. You made that thing. Willingly or not, you made your own little human, and in a removed context, that was crazy.

She was so little that you were almost afraid to touch her, trembling as Leon lowered her into your arms, but right away there was something about having her near that felt familiar to you.

Like an old friend.

For a long few minutes, you just cried. Deep, ugly, open-mouth cries that made your entire body feel weak. You couldn’t possibly get ahold of yourself, or even begin to understand how you were meant to.

Stooping down to kiss the crown of your head, Leon spoke gently into your hair, voice thick with emotion, “I-I named her Charlotte. Charlotte Abigail.”

Oh, how pretty. Internally you had to admit that he chose well, whatever his reasoning was.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” you sniveled, thumb caressing the thin, tender skin of her cheek, your chest throbbing as she squirmed and poked the tip of her tiny tongue out. “I-Is she okay? Are there any issues?”

The nurses calmly explained to you that she seemed to be regulating her temperature well enough on her own, but that the incubator was a precaution that would allow you and Leon the opportunity to get some actual rest. Her blood tests didn’t show any concerns and her oxygen levels were okay, but other than that, it was too soon to tell if anything else might be off, and they spared you the anxiety of getting too specific about the potential complications just yet. She would likely be spending at least 30 days in the NICU for good measure.

You, on the other hand, would be well enough to be on your feet as soon as the numbness wore off. That wasn’t to say it would feel good if you did, just that it was possible and wouldn’t kill you, though Leon would probably need to help you around for a few days… as if he needed the doctor’s order to do that.

Once they were sure you were healthy and comfortable, the nurses stepped out and for the very first time, it was just you, Leon, and your child.

“I’m so proud of you,” Leon whispered, watching you reverently. The sun had risen enough now to drench you in a saintly glow, your skin radiant and dewy with motherhood, your eyes glittering with tears as you gazed down at the sleepy baby cradled in your arms. “You’ve come such a long way, puppy, and just look at what you made for me. Look at what a perfect little angel you made for daddy.”

Letting out a slow breath from your nose, you resisted the urge to react to that. He’d done a pretty decent job of acting normal since you went into labor, and you didn’t realize how badly you were hoping he would keep it up until he ruined it with a brisk return to form. Perhaps the blame was on you for getting too comfortable with your expectations that high in the first place.

What felt especially unfair about it, however, was that his phrasing got beneath your skin more than you thought it would. Telling you that you’d come such a long way, and all because you made a perfect baby for him.

For daddy.

You’d only just had the chance to allow yourself to feel some kind of a bond with her, and Leon was already claiming ownership over it without a second thought. You wanted to snap at him that not everything was about him, that it wasn’t your goal to please him even if something you did made him happy, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to say any of it.

Charlotte hadn’t even been born for 24 hours yet, you couldn’t start fighting in front of her already.

You stood in front of the window with Charlotte swaddled tightly in your arms, letting her watch the glittery, falling snow outside in an attempt to calm her. She was red in the face and hollering with all the power in her little lungs— which was a lot, you’d come to learn— quite cranky about the fact that your milk was taking its time to come in. In defense of your boobs, the girls thought they were going to have eight more weeks to prepare than they ended up getting.

But at a certain point you just had to wonder when enough might be enough. You knew it wasn’t your fault, that your difficulty producing breastmilk so soon after going into premature labor didn’t reflect negatively upon your ability to love and provide for your daughter, so why did it feel that way? You were trying to keep ahold of your emotions for the sake of your daughter while wondering somewhere in the back of your mind if you were even fit to care for her, if it was your fault that she was starving.

“It’s common for newborns to lose a little bit of their birth weight in the first few weeks, especially waiting for mama’s milk to come in,” the attending nurse calmly explained to you as she changed the sheets on the bed. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, dear. There’s no guide to being a new mother.”

“Thank you,” you replied over the shrill cries of your daughter, letting some of the tension drop from your shoulders. Leon had told you nearly the same thing practically a thousand times over the past few days, but it was hard not to convince yourself that he didn’t know what he was talking about and was just spouting nonsense to make you feel better. It felt more legitimate coming from a professional.

Once she finished up changing the bedding, the nurse offered to take Charlotte for a while if you needed a break, but for right now, you didn’t really mind. Having her close was supposed to stimulate milk production, as you’d been told, and for lack of a better way to put it, you sort of enjoyed hogging her from Leon. He’d stepped out for the morning to check in at work and grab a few things from the house, so he wasn’t here to take her anyway, but you felt it was your responsibility to seize every available opportunity to bond with her. You needed her to know that you were there for her, that you weren’t budging, and that you never would.

Being alone with her was a treat. She really was so cute, just a teeny tiny little thing, and you could have already sworn she had your nose. She was pretty.

“Oh, Lottie, Lottie, Lottie,” you sighed affectionately, cupping the back of her head to cradle her close to your shoulder, gently swaying and bouncing on your feet. “What am I gonna do with you, huh?”

As expected, her only response was a continuation of shrill cries. Part of you worried that your presence wasn’t comforting her at all, but every time you slowed in rocking her or made any move that she perceived as you getting ready to put her down, she hollered louder and clung to you for dear life. Clearly she knew where her bread was buttered.

You crossed the room in slow, bouncing steps, trying to keep her distracted just long enough for you to sit down with her in the rocking chair. Little as she was, your arms were getting tired from holding her up, and you just needed a bit of a break from it. Pressing your lips to her soft forehead, you breathed in through your nose and began quietly singing to her.

“I’m… a lonely little petunia in an onion patch, an onion patch, an onion patch,” you hummed, “I’m a lonely little petunia in an onion patch, and all I do is cry all day… boo-hoo, boo-hoo…”

It was an old, old song, and you weren’t even really sure where you remembered it from, but Charlotte seemed to enjoy it, and it felt fitting enough right now. Dragging in a breath, Charlotte reached up to rub her eyes with her chubby little fists, wailing cries beginning to soften down to weepy whimpers. It was victorious moments like this that almost made you forget how you got here.

“Hey, sweetheart,” came Leon’s voice from behind, reminding you exactly how you got here, “how are my girls?”

Almost immediately, Charlotte started screaming again.

Sighing out an exhausted breath, you turned over your shoulder to watch Leon approach, trying not to let it show on your expression just how annoyed you were that he’d ruined her calming mood right after you managed to get her there.

“Cranky,” you answered him simply.

Leon clicked his tongue and moved to sit at the edge of the coffee table in front of you, reaching out to brush your hair away from your face with a sympathetic gleam in his eye. “No milk yet, huh?”

You shook your head.

“Oh, puppy… I’m sorry.”

The look on your face gutted him. He could tell you were blaming yourself in some way, feeling guilty for not being able to produce quite yet, but his mind wasn’t lingering anywhere near blaming you for this. You’d already been through so much just to deliver the baby— if anything, he’d be more surprised if these next few weeks were to proceed perfectly after that. You were a superhero to Leon right now, a goddess, and not even gods or heroes were exempt from hardship, from plain bad luck.

“It’s fine,” you said with a slow sigh, “the nurses swear we’re getting somewhere. There was some of this… I don’t know, like… clear, sappy stuff that came out this morning, and they said it’s good for her, so…”

Nodding gently, Leon took your hand and squeezed it, trying to get you to actually look at him. “Well, that’s a good sign, right?”

“I think so… I don’t know. I hope so.”

“I hope so, too, baby.”

A few moments of silence fell between you— aside from the screaming newborn, of course— and Leon continued to think about how proud he was of you. When he first brought you home with him, you were adamantly against the idea of having babies, let alone being pregnant at all. But you took it like such a champion, nourished and cared for your child anyway, his child, and even after going into labor unexpectedly early, your priorities and your focus still remained on her.

He couldn’t confidently say he’d have been as brave if it were him. That alone gave him a lot of reflecting to do.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” Leon asked, squeezing your hand again. “Absolutely incredible.”

“I don’t know about that,” you puffed out a dry breath, finally looking up at him. “Women have been birthing babies for thousands of years. I’m no different from any of them, unless you count panic-attacking myself into early labor, and even then I’m not the first. And I definitely won’t be the last.”

Shaking his head in affectionate disagreement, Leon said, “As far as I’m concerned, you didn’t just hang the moon, you molded it with your bare hands. Just… take the compliment, pup. You deserve it.”

A slight smile graced your lips for just a second, like you briefly allowed yourself to believe what he was saying. As much as it pained him to think about, Leon knew you hadn’t been given a whole lot of incentive to take him at his word on anything, but when it came to the praise you’d earned for making him a father, for growing his baby in you, it was so important to him that you knew he wasn’t just talking out of his ass.

So he spoke up again, following his praises with a gentle, genuine question; “Why are you being so hard on yourself?”

This gave you pause. He wasn’t wrong by any means— you absolutely were being hard on yourself here, in every way you could think of. The ways you’d been talking about and carrying yourself since he came home from San Francisco were indicative enough of that. It was like you were cowering from yourself, avoiding every part of you that made you you, like a mouse in a lab finally recognizing which buttons would shock you.

“She needs me,” you finally muttered, cradling Charlotte closer to your chest, even as she screamed your eardrum out. “She depends on me, I can’t just… fail her.”

“Fail her?” Leon whispered, encouraging you to continue.

Swallowing back nerves, you suddenly found you were having a difficult time making sense of what you’d been feeling lately, let alone putting it into articulate words. Still, you replied to the best of your frazzled, tired ability, “She was supposed to have eight more weeks… she wasn’t ready to be born yet, and I freaked myself out so much that I put her at risk. I’m so grateful that she’s okay, that it didn’t end badly, but Leon… it could have. It really could have.”

“I know,” he soothed. “I know it could have, but it didn’t. It didn’t. Look at her, she’s here and she’s alive and she’s healthy. She’s got strong lungs. She’s got your nose. She’s perfect, sweetheart, she’s absolutely perfect, and that’s not in spite of you, it’s because of you. I’ll repeat that as many times as it takes for you to internalize it.”

That framing of the situation was surprisingly insightful, coming from Leon, though you supposed he’d had some practice in forgiving himself over the years.

Sniffling, you nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “T-Thank you… daddy.”

He leaned in to kiss your forehead, and Charlotte began to settle.

You were so confused when you woke up in the middle of the night to Charlotte crying again— not because of anything she was doing differently, but because of how you felt. Sitting up in bed, you briefly glanced over at Leon to find that the commotion had roused him too, stirring him from a light sleep.

“I can get her,” he was quick to rasp out, voice clouded with grogginess, but for once, you put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“No, no, wait,” you whispered, your other hand kneading at your sore chest in an attempt to soothe the discomfort, but this wasn’t the same kind of breast pain you’d grown used to by now. They were tender and full to the touch, nipples stinging under your nightgown.

And leaking.

Eyes widening, you shot out of bed with a quiet, excited exclamation of, “oh, shit,” not even taking the time to mull over how silly it seemed to be so ecstatic that your nipples were leaking milk through your favorite nightgown. All you could think about right now was her. You could finally sate her hunger.

Leon sat up too, rubbing his eyes and leaning over to turn the bedside lamp on, trying to wake himself up enough to understand what you were acting so urgently about. Only once Charlotte’s cries were silenced and replaced with a soft, greedy suckling sound did he realize what was happening.

“Oh,” he gasped, stunned, “shit.”

You just laughed, completely unable to wipe the stupid grin off your face. Feeding for the first time felt really fucking bizarre, but with how happy you were that your daughter was finally able to eat, you couldn’t bring yourself to care even slightly. That was far from the biggest thing on your mind.

“She’s eating,” you beamed, turning over your shoulder to look at Leon, desperate to share this moment with the only person who could truly understand your relief. “She’s eating, Leon, she’s— she’s perfect. Holy shit.”

“You’re perfect,” he smiled wide, crawling out of bed to join you where you stood by the crib, his strong arms slinking gently around your waist. Pressing a kiss to the highest point of your cheekbone, Leon whispered in your ear, “I knew you could do it, puppy. I love you, I love you both so much.”

And now you were crying. You couldn’t help it.

Charlotte fed for a good long while that night, gulping down every stray drop she could find, and you and Leon just watched her in complete awe. She could barely keep her eyes open in her satisfaction, long lashes fluttering angelically upon chubby cheeks, her squishy little lips bobbing back and forth with every suckle as you both cooed at her and cheered her on.

Wiping away a drop of milk from her chin, Leon preened, “Oh, little Lottie… such a good eater, princess, my goodness…”

“Such a good eater,” you echoed, adding playfully, “must’ve gotten that from your daddy. He gets grouchy without breakfast, too.”

“Hey now, it is the most important meal of the day,” he pointed out to his own defense, very much in on the joke, though he couldn’t help but add another cheeky point that was reserved only for your ears. “Well… the second most important meal of the day, right behind dessert.”

Groaning, you rolled your eyes at him, “Cornball. You’re a horny, horny cornball.”

He only smirked, “Guilty as charged, pup,” and kissed you again.

Your mood improved a lot over the next several days, and Leon was so grateful for it. The timing couldn’t have been better for squashing your insecurities about being able to care for Charlotte. Waking up to feed her wasn’t something that stressed you out anymore, it was something that made you feel useful and needed, which you always were, but now you truly believed it. Leon joked more than once that he’d never seen you happier to whip your boobs out at any given time.

You were eating well, you were laughing, you were getting lots of good rest, and you were actually talking to him. Like, talking talking, not just nodding your head and pretending to follow along. You told him about your day, you told him how you were feeling, you commentated on TV shows together. Your unanticipated stay in the NICU was turning out to feel a lot more like a dream than a nightmare, and as such, he was almost reluctant to see it end.

But time marches on, as it always does. Part of him worried you’d go right back to being difficult once you were home and the novelty of new parenthood wore off. Part of him wanted to trust that you wouldn’t, because you truly understood everything now. Didn’t you?

The final week of Charlotte’s monitoring was dwindling down, and now that he wasn’t so preoccupied with worrying himself sick about you both, he couldn’t stop thinking about what you said to him before you went into labor.

‘Daddy, I have to tell you something.’

Whatever it was, you never told him. In the chaos of everything that happened right after, he almost forgot you even mentioned it, but it’d just been gnawing at him since the dust settled.

Leon wasn’t sure how to approach this with you. Talking about it clearly distressed you last time, even though you brought it up on your own, and he didn’t want to risk setting you off, but the intensity of emotion it brought was undoubtedly indicative of its importance. By principle, you should tell him if there’s anything he needs to know, right?

Maybe it wasn’t all that important. Maybe your reaction at the time was just a product of your condition, the hormones and anxiety, and maybe you hadn’t even thought about it since that night. Maybe it really wasn’t a big deal.

So why had it been so obviously eating you alive during the final leg of your pregnancy?

“Baby?” Leon asked quietly, tilting his head to look at you. It was three in the morning and you were laying in bed together after Charlotte finally fell back asleep for the millionth time, partly trying to get some more rest and partly preparing yourselves to have to get up again at any moment. But it was peaceful, and he hoped that would mean you were calm and comfortable enough to have this conversation.

Humming in acknowledgment, your eyes met his. He had his arm around you, thumb caressing you at the waist, your cheek against his chest. It was now or never.

“I’ve just been thinking lately… the night Lottie was born, you said you had something to tell me,” he began, pouring all his effort into coming off as non-threatening as possible, careful not to spook you. “The little lady interrupted you and I never got to hear what it was. Do you remember, sweetheart?”

At first you couldn’t move, completely paralyzed in his arms. Your initial inclination was to panic, of course, but for once in your life, the nerves weren’t manifesting like they probably should have been.

Or, rather, like they definitely should have been.

You resumed breathing, biting your lip while you tried to organize your thoughts and come to a decision. It would be a tough shot to lie right now, you knew that, and while you would have usually tried to come up with a convoluted way to worm yourself out of this, for some reason, you didn’t even really feel the need to right now. Leon had been in a great mood. You were pretty sure he hadn’t stopped smiling since Charlotte was born, and even leading up to her birth, he had been acting so gentle and loving with you.

But you still needed to cover your bases if you were going to be honest with him.

“Do you remember saying that whatever it is, we’ll handle it? That I wouldn’t be in trouble?”

Uh oh, Leon thought to himself, but didn’t dare let it show on his expression. That’s not a great start.

“I do,” he nodded encouragingly, “and that still stands.”

All you had was his word, and that was going to have to do, wasn’t it? Taking a deep breath, you tightened your arms around his middle as if preemptively pleading for mercy, and then you quietly admitted, “I-I broke the rules while you were away on that mission.”

He figured as much while speculating on what it might have been, so this didn’t really floor him too much yet. “Okay. What rules did you break?”

You hesitated for a beat, looking away to collect your thoughts and then back again, hoping he could see the guilt in your eyes, the regret.

“I went outside,” you whispered, feeling an awkward and unpleasant heat burning at your ears— shame. “I-I went on a walk, a long walk, and…”

Now it was Leon who wasn’t breathing. “And?”

“And I tried to get h-help.”

There it was. You tried to get help. Help. As if you needed any fucking help when you had Leon.

But then again, he thought, she didn’t have me. I wasn’t there.

His bottom lip quivered until he bit it back, stooping his head down to bury his face in your hair, hiding, both arms holding you tightly to him. He wasn’t sure how to feel. He thought he was prepared for anything you might have to confess, but this… this was devastating. This felt awful.

“God fucking damn it, puppy,” he wept, “what were you thinking?”

The realization that he was crying made you tear up too. He wasn’t angry, he was anguished.

“I-I’m sorry… I know, I’m sorry—”

“Did anything happen? Did anyone see you? Did anyone touch you?”

“No, no, n-nothing happened, no one touched me, I promise—”

“Don’t you ever do that shit again,” he sobbed weakly into the crown of your hair, clutching you to him like you’d fall apart if he let go, or perhaps like he would fall apart. “Do you hear me?”

You just nodded, stifling your cries with a hand over your mouth to keep from waking the baby. She was sleeping so peacefully in the crib a mere few feet away.

“I hear you, I hear you, I promise I won’t ever do it again… it was freezing and I was so scared, I… I couldn’t get home fast enough…”

Home. Was that what it was to you now?

“Good,” Leon said firmly, but not apathetically, sighing out a deep, shaky breath. “You don’t just have yourself to worry about anymore.”

You and Leon were practically tangled with one another, stuck together like glue as you desperately tried to soothe each other. Silence fell around you again.

taglist: @tosuckmyweenis @worriedweirdo @nexysworld @gigabyte-flare @litepowee @pb-n-aj @idekman111 @honeysoakedbandages @cosmicerror83 @ifeelikeflying @grnherbs @shycandykitty @monkeysoda @reijniana @starcrossedreaders @vividelreyy @elfven-blog @arthurdelrey @elliewilliamsno1simp @texas-chainslvt @sop-myers @1smallmediumatlarge @dangerousdreamkitty @briefwinnerpersonaturtle @theladynymph @stella-fleurets​ @alexi-is-depressi @death-paint @dollfacefantasy @wildest-dreams-at-midnight @pupthepokemonenthusiast @sleepyluxe @needylilgal022 @yuiopiklmn @fouyumixuri @amidalashandmaidens @average-yandere-enjoyer @gr1mreper @starkeysslvt @kcolrom

[the-moon-files]

Finding male/masculine reader x lu is rare, so I really appreciate your writings! :) They're very silly and fun /pos

Can I request you do a list of headcanons for a transmasc reader who doesn't pass very well and struggles with dysphoria?? Maybe the reader didn't say anything about it till one of the Link's overheard one of the readers' ramblings to themselves or a conversation?

Take your time, and there is no need if you don't want to. It is a little personal, but it would mean the WORLD to me if you ever could. I'd be interested to see how Wild would take it, as he's probably the most androgynous out of all of them, or how the old man Time would take it, as he'd probably be such a 'dad trying his best' :')

sorry again this ask got dusty!! i am slow 😞

(dont even have to explain why i choose this gif, the girls that get it, get it, and the ones that dont, dont. /ref)

Moon: Trans Masc! Male! Reader (he/him, you/your)

Orbit: who knows atp, headcanons? scenario? sure

Stars: mention of all Links, specifically Wild (BOTW Link), (and Wars a little?? sorry idk where he came out of??)

Comets & Meteors: CWs: trans dysphoria, body image, insecurity, general angst related to being trans, & TWs: gender dysphoria (ftm), graphic description and comments on "your" anxiety, insecurity, low self esteem surrounding transness.

Please take care of yourselves, do not read if these are potential triggers for you. There will always be other trans masc reader posts later! :)

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

You didnt say anything about it when you met the heroes of the legend of Zelda in person

you had sort of danced around each other as you both fell thru portals into the same Hyrules over and over until Legend finally accused you of being a spy and then you had a nervous blowout of how you kinda knew them but also not

needless to say youve been kidnapped (”We are Not kidnapping him if he doesn’t want to come with us, we’re trying to keep him safe!” - Wars “…yeah. By kidnapping him.” - Four LMAO) jk but there was some interest in you by the shadow (and hylia to some degre with the portals) so they wanted you to tag along just in case

But even after weeks of taking turns helping Wild prep and cook, sharpen weapons, sew holes, and scout potential sleep areas, cracking jokes around the campfire, you never talked about your pronouns, or being trans, only an offhand nod at a merchants clarifying “yes.. ma’am? sir? yes sir!” that luckily spread amongst the group after the Link with you started referring to you with he/him

(you were too scared, what would they think? you normally wouldve told anyone else to fuck off, moved on, but you really cared about these stupid blondes... they were so very: the epitome of a “hero”, traditionally masculine, physically strong, swords and shields and brotherly comradery, each a leader in their own right and now an unstoppable team of power, the sheer amount of fanart back in your own world you used to admire had nothing on these real men… and you? you weren’t even a real boy. clearly too round in places they were angled, too feminine even on your best days, and everyone knew it. you knew it. sometimes, you wondered if the he/him pronouns from them were out of pity, even when you knew they weren’t like that. your mind went to such awful places laying and feeling too much of your body in your bedroll in the night…)

you kept your newly bought traveling cloak on constantly, insisted on baggy ill-fitting pants and tunics, even when Wars or Time would frown in gentle confusion, offering to buy you more and better fitting clothes, you’d always politely decline.

most of them never noticed you cringe and clench your jaw when a waiter would say something like “yes sirs, oh sorry, and lady!”

itd set you back for days, clinging to the back of the group, hood up even in warmer areas, until Wind would insist on staying back with you and cheering you up [ even if he could never get out of you why you would get so defeated looking :( ]

the way you would wait until there was no one around so you could either go into the mens restroom without worrying about possible protests or wide eyed looks (or into the womens on a bad day..)

it struck them as odd, most of the heroes weren’t so oblivious they couldn’t see you laughing and jovially joining in with their antics then hunching in on yourself after a dinner at an inn or a restroom break or even outright pulling away with this hastily concealed heartbroken look on your face when Wars was acting more “gentlemenly” towards you

(unbeknownst to you, he was only doing it to you because he knew you weren’t a “link/hero” and wanted you to feel more cared for, looked out for, but not because of gender at all)

(the small cultural differences between hylian and humans at it again,, sigh rip wars making his first boy crush sad lol)

it was always a persistent and strange mystery to the boys, something that worried them more and more as they began to get to know you more and more,

this sadness and defeat that would seemingly randomly take you down, unable to really get up from it, only push it to the side after too many of Twi’s poor jokes and Wind’s dramatic groaning,

the poor heroes unable to stop it before it happened again (Legend thought it was some kind of PTSD triggers they couldnt spot at one point)

It wasnt until Wild finally, luckily overheard a conversation he wasnt meant to hear, that the pieces clicked together

youd seemingly run into a hylian man who had just been on stage as a dancer for some festival that was going on in this town, and for the first time in weeks, he saw your shoulders drop in relief, not defeat this time

he,,, may have been guilty of stealth crouching his way to a bundle of bushes closer to better hear the conversation (definitely not because he was desperate to help you, to see how the hell some random guy managed to get you to relax and look so relieved when he and the others had been trying for nearly 3 months now)

youd laughed like a weight was finally off your chest as the two of you talking about something about binding? and actually enjoying some feminine things but too afraid to do some of them for fear of... not being seen as a man even more?? what were you-?? oh. Oh.

Oh, Princey.

(a cute, originally kinda mocking, nickname Legend had started about you when u complained abt trying to sleep raw on the forest floor in just an unpadded bedroll, one that Wild would now be employing exclusively where he would’ve just said your name before)

Wild’s heart ached, the understanding so quickly digging such a deep hole in his beating heart he couldn’t think about anything else but you the rest of the day

Say goodbye to the back of the group position you’ve been holding onto, and hello to an entire wardrobe stored in Wild’s tablet because he’s buying every last stylish menswear tunic, pants, boots, belts, hats, ties, fucking cufflinks (you didnt even know any Hyrule had cufflinks?? well now you do babyyy 👉 👉 - Wild, at some point)

mf even gets matching fits, he see smth he would wear? he’s buying you the same thing or the same thing but in your favorite color

longhaired androgenous blonde elf doesnt say shit abt him overhearing ur convo with the first trans masc hylian youd met, only champions (unintentional pun tbh) the crusade of making sure you feel included as another guy in the group with the other links

(secretly tells Wars to clarify his want to just look out for you care for you, knowingly as one man to another, not gay at all rather than as a knight to specifically a lady or something dumb)

the way you suspected smth had changed but only rlly caught on when you all got invited to some big fancy ball in Wars hyrule, scrambling in the castle for a few days to find an outfit (wild insisted on some sort of fancy medival but distinctly hylian suit which u were reluctant but eventually gave into)

(Kinda like this but ur favorite colors that u think look good on you)

and when the Zelda announced it was time for them to choose their partner and be the first to dance, Wild immediately walked past all the giggling and excited whispers of the ladies around them and tugged at your hand with a bright smile until you sputterd and stumbled your way to the center of the ballroom, the slightly stunned looks of the women and even men falling away as you feel your face get hot,

no dress swings out behind either of you, only the sway of the elegant coats you’re both wearing draped over your shoulders, taking turns leading each other, no click of heels only the slight taps of both of your loafers, violins swelling until you end up in the center of room, the audience erupting into applause as all you can do it stare into Wild’s bright blue eyes in shock, his grin boyish and wide with happiness

You stay taking turns dancing with each of the links as the entire ballroom now officially dances into the night, pulling Wild into your first full hug you’ve given any of them the entire time you’ve been with them as you all are sleepily filing back to your given fancy rooms in the castle

(if Wild brags about it in the morning to jealous sleepy glares of the others in the morning, well thats between the other versions of him and himself, no need to tell Princey about it)

☆

thought abt adding “you avoid hugs, or only do side hugs to avoid chest touching, much to the desperation of every single Link in the camp, esp as they can be as sloppy with physical touch as a male sports team lol”

but didnt wanna find a point to fit it in anywhere bc it was kinda flowing so here it goes instead,

AH- also!! sorry i forgot abt Time in here :( if it helps, i honestly cant think of anything other than him clapping you way too hard on the shoulder as he says gender is a construct of hylians and the trees dont care about that sort of thing or smth fucking cryptic as shit, bc if u look it up he’s actually kinda gender ambiguous i think in the manga when he was a kid in the forest himself i think? youll have to see if theres a tumblr post abt it somewhere, i swear there was.. so even if hes that sort of brand of nonbinary nonunderstanding, hes very supportive and would be a very shiny and hard (whoops he forgot abt the armor sorry) shoulder to cry on if you ever need it (or for him to scare the hell out of someone who didnt get the pronouns right)

hope yall enjoyed!! shellyshoo sorry again but letting ur wonderful ask get dusty! lmk if i did a half decent job

(god i hope so bc i cant be doing my people dirty like this lol)\

Peace out,

🌙 📁

[tmasc-confessions]

The amount of whataboutism that people use to blame trans guys of shit is exhausting.

A few days ago, here on Tumblr, I cross-posted a tweet from someone jokingly saying that "all fujoshis should be pinned down, put on T, and put through sex reassignment surgery". No specifications of AGAB, or sexuality, or literally anything else; just that. Among the few tags, I tagged it "forcemasc". Y'know, for people who could be triggered by forcemasc to not have to see it.

Y'know, the joke? The very common joke very commonly made by transmascs about how all fujoshis are transmasc eggs?? You know that joke?? That JOKE???? About TRANSMASCS?????

Within a few hours, some dumbfuck cropped up in my asks claiming I was transmisogynistic because of it. I, like an idiot, decided to engage with her and ask her to explain instead of just blocking her. She went on to send me several asks telling me she was a transfem fujo and that me saying that about fujos meant that I was "threatening her and her sisters with detransition" and then just insulting me (amongst many things, by calling me a hefab). At that point I just blocked her.

I'm just floored. Sorry that a stupid fucking twitter joke doesn't cater to your exact life experience. What, you wanted me to add "but this only applies to AFAB UTERUS HAVING FUJOSHIS!!!!"??? Like girl I'm sorry. Sometimes some people are just not a part of the joke and you're gonna have to guess that subtextually and not based on direct words. There's a thing called reading between the lines and it's pretty fucking easy to do when you're reading a post made by a transmasc, reposted by a transmasc, and mostly liked and replied to by transmascs, ABOUT a generalisation-based joke about transmascs.

Idk man. Idk. I just think it's crazy how TRFs will pull out every single stop and make the craziest reaches and put us under the highest possible amount of scrutiny just to say "see!!! transandrobros don't respect us at all omg!!!! (proceeds to disrespect every single transmasc within sight and act like that's totally normal)".

Honestly, that just about perfectly encapsulates just how tiny the straws that TRFs try to grasp onto to demonise trans guys are.

[babiebom]

Howdy do! I just found your blog not too long ago and I already absolutely love your headcanons for everyone! (Esp my baby, Seb). I was wondering if you could possibly do like headcanons or a scenario of Mr. Qi finding out that y/n/the farmer is preggo with his kid? (assuming that they would already be married or together in some way). If not, then that's totally okay! I just think that he'd be a really good dad and hubby

A/N: HIII lmao the howdy lowkey triggered me(not in a bad way I promise I’m just southern) but yes it’s no problem at all!! Idk which you’d prefer of headcanons or a scenario so I’m going to combine them <3 hope you enjoy!!

Tw: some cursing, pregnancy, mentions of pregnancy troubles, I refer to him as Qi instead of Mr.Qi bc I think it would be strange to refer to your husband like that lmao. M

AFAB reader lmk if I should tag anything else!!

Bc/wc: 10/ I think around 400-500

Stardew Valley Masterlist

I think if you get pregnant it’s because you were purposefully trying to have a baby

Like dude is taking no chances he is not in his slutty era he likes being cool and mysterious and being a baby daddy to random kids is not that

I personally think that he wouldn’t jump for joy or anything

Like yes he’s excited and happy but I don’t think that’s him at all

That baby would actually be the most loved child because again I don’t think he’d just be making a baby if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure he wanted one.

Actually would spend so much time trying to make everything as comfortable as possible for you

Helps with all the decorating even if he has a few odd tastes

I think he knows a few tricks to be more comfortable during pregnancy and labor

Is absolutely already getting everything ready for labor even if you just find out that you’re pregnant

Again I think he is more excited than he shows. He’s just good at maintaining a clam exterior

After months of negative tests, your excitement and hope has dwindled. Like yeah, getting pregnant takes some time but it still hurt every single time you didn’t get what you want. But now, by the grace of whatever God there may be, you’re holding a positive test in your hand while three others sit on the counter in front of you. You haven’t even pulled your pants up because after the first test had come back positive you had sat back down on the toilet to take another test.

Everything you had been wanting is coming true, and while things could go wrong between now and nine months ahead of you, you still feel the excitement crawling its way into your body after being lost. You can’t help the squeals of excitement that leave your mouth as you struggle to breathe and dance around in happiness with your pants still at your ankles.

There was so much to do, so much to plan. Baby showers, getting a birth plan, your hospital bag, the nursery, working more so you have enough money to splurge, baby clothes, diapers, decorations, doctor’s appointments…there’s so much that you’re unable to keep the joy in.

And you still had to tell your husband. You wanted to have a cute little reveal for him, to let him know that the two of you had finally achieved the first part of your dreams, but the actual you knew that you would have no time really to plan, nor do you think he would be surprised. He somehow always had a way of knowing things you didn’t.

Without any predictability, Qi walks into your home, the only way you’re able to tell is the front door closing a bit loudly. Quickly you pull up your pants and gather the positive tests, shoving them all into the boxes hands shaking with your giddiness. “You’re home!” You run over and engulf your husband with a hug. He grasps you just as tightly and when you pull back he’s smirking as if he knows something you don’t. You have the same facial expression because this time it’s you who knows something he doesn’t.

“You’re rather excited aren’t you?” He asks, eyebrow quirking up in amusement.

“I am, you wanna know why?” You ask, unable to keep still. You bring the box’s in between you two, smiling at him. “Take a look.”

He pulls a pregnancy test out of a box and his smile never falters, and he doesn’t really seem surprised. You don’t let it upset you though, knowing that he feels exactly the same as you do. He presses a kiss to your head and returns the test to the box.

“Well,” he clasped his hands together, “we have a lot to do now don’t we?”

[maochira]

Idk if this has been done before but reader who is insecure because people used to call them a monster when they were younger because of being taller than most people

Maybe Reo, Kenyu, Kaiser, and Bachira?

(Also from that line up of characters try to guess who I am hehe)

Chaos, this you?👀

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!tall!reader, can be seen as romantic or platonic, fluff

Reo

-he used to point out your height a lot without knowing you're insecure about it. He never said anything negative about it, but when he found out about your insecurity he felt so sorry and guilty

-he apologized a lot and kept reassuring you that being tall is nothing to be insecure about. He made a very big deal out of it but in a positive way so he can help you feel better about yourself

-he makes others shut up immediately as soon as they mention your height. Doesn't matter if they want to say something positive or negative, Reo won't let them say anything

Yukimiya

-he knows you're insecure about your height because of your past, so he makes sure to never point it out unless you start talking about it first

-and when the topic does come up, he first listens to anything you say in case you need to vent, then he starts bombarding you with compliments about why it's so cool that you're taller than everyone else

-one time he took you along to a modelling thing specifically for tall people, and it that was what started making you feel more comfortable with your height!!

Kaiser

-let's be honest. He was one of those people who called you monster when you were younger. But he's sorry now, okay?

-he actually doesn't remember doing that because you didn't see each other in years, then became friends again. When you mentioned how he used to bully you, Kaiser didn't believe you at first

-then he started remembering more and more and started feeling sorry because you're so close to him now and he can't believe he's partly at fault for one of your insecurities

-he never really stops apologizing about it (which is surprising because when does Kaiser ever apologize to someone?)

Bachira

-he calls you his big monster but in the most affectionate way possible so you don't feel bad about your past anymore. He usually adds another word to it like "big pretty/handsome monster" or "big cuddly monster"

-he teases you about your height occasionally but always in a way that genuinely makes you laugh and doesn't trigger your insecurities!!

-since the way Bachira talks about your height is completely different from what you've always experienced, he helps you a lot with being less insecure about yourself

Taglist (sign-up link): @astruosie @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @yerinsshi @luvcalico @remy-roll @truegoist @rienniey @acacIa @kermitslefteyeball11 @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @blueberrryui @takorirei @https-archangel @ririgards @kaiserkisser @userwithlotsoftime @nikokii @chaosinanutshell @thedaisy78 @kalinkavx @vanitasbrainrot @rrueyuo @weichspuelertrinker @yueyingwrld @yuehailin @keiidaydreams @sagejin @depressed-bitchy-demon @yellowelectroslime @quite-eerie @midnightymel @rzu @deerangle3 @slowlyholypeanut

[triglycercule]

hi (stares at you)

you found my blog (no way???) uhhhh i just post random murder time trio shit idk heres an intro

(◍•ᴗ•◍) some basic stuff

- i don't really have a name for myself on this blog so you can just call me whatever. triglycercule, tri, cule, tricule, mtt freak. I DONT CARE 😈‼️ call me anything

- i don't care what pronouns you use for me, anything is ok!! i also don't care what you refer to me as (ex: pal, bud, friend etc,,,,) but i prefer more gender neutral terms :3

- i am a minor, agender, and asexual just thought people should know because im cool like that

- my boundaries... obviously the obvious stuff (no homophobia racism sexism ableism proshippers prejudiced stuff etc etc etc!!!) but overall i'm pretty lax about whatever :P

∑(°口°๑) my blog?!

so obviously what you're here for... what is this tumblr blog even ABOUT??? well the answer's pretty damn obvious:

the MURDER TIME TRIO!!!

(really undertale and it's aus but this trio is the one that i focus on the most)

brief explanation... the murder time trio (abbreviated as the mtt) are a trio of sanses (killer, dust, and horror) who are edgy and murderous and also severely traumatized. i really like to think about them a lot because i think they're really interesting and they get my gears thinking. i usually post my art, writing, headcanons, character analysises, rants, questions (all mostly about the mtt) and etc

i might talk about serious topics like murder, abuse, toxic relationships, eating disorders, mental issues, and (a LOT) more. no matter how much i sillyfy the murder time trio at the end of the day they belong to dark aus with a lot of potentially triggering concepts involved and maybe i even amplify that. if you're not ok with that stuff then i really don't mind if you scroll past my stuff or just straight up block me i won't mind 🧡

it is ALWAYS safe to assume that everything i make/post about is either mttpoly or one of the duo ships (horrordust/kist/horrorkiller) so FEEL FREE TO TAG THOSE SHIPS IN REBLOGS OR SOMETHING IDK 😈 ngl i'd be disappointed if my stuff WASN'T tagged that

i really like it when people talk about them so feel free 2 reply to my posts about them and send me asks and stuff like that and we can chat about these 3 GOOBERS!!!

ദ്ദി˶•̀֊•́)✧ Other Stuff.

- ao3: micromacuole (i put my oneshots and stuff that i write on here. keep in mind i don't write that often but i try my damn hardest to)

- tiktok: i have a playlist of mtt tiktoks :3c constantly updating B)

( ⸝⸝･̆⤚･̆⸝⸝) tag(s)

tags that i use 4 my posts

- #tricule art (obviously 4 my art)

- #tricule write (again for my writing)

- #tricule hc (headcanons. there are A LOT)

- #tricule analyze (character analysises :333)

- #tricule rant (rants; this includes short questions 2... really most miscellaneous stuff will be here)

- #tricule asks (because apparently people like me enough to send asks (btw #untitled29876011111 strikes again has all of my best friend's (publically) revealed cool art......check it out muehehe)

- #tricule rb (REBLOGS!!!)

- #real tricule (other stuff like things going on in my life and random thoughts that don't fit anything else) (probably gonna get scrapped soon)

SO YEA THAT'S ME THANKS 4 READING THIS uhh enjoy my ideas or something SOMEHOW i rarely even post anymore (and i privatized a lot Lul)

[freddie-77-ao3]

sup yall we're vibing here

anyway. hey, my name's freddie, and i'm finally trying to write an actual intro/master post which... we'll see how this goes.

important stuff is highlighted in orange.

so, basic stuff:

as I said, my name's freddie. he/him pronouns. i'm a college student (majoring in accounting, might add a psych minor). not gonna say which college but i'm currently in california.

i've been on tumblr since 2019 i think? not under this account, this started as a fandom account and then spiralled out of control... really fast. um, my regular tumblr which i've not actually opened in ages is @chronicchthonic14 so. yeah.

not particularly relevant to this blog, but i might mention it at some point so, i have autism and adhd. and some other things but. like. that list is very long and those are the two most relevant because i promise if i come off wrong/mean, i didn't mean to, i just forget to make my words normal. but. those are the two most referenced. if for whatever reason someone wants to know more or has questions you can send an ask ig?

i'm scottish, born there. moved to US when I was four. finishing uni and moving back.

some quick warnings

this blog definitely contains cursing/vulgar language, whatever you want to call it, so if you're not comfortable with that, probably not the blog for you, as i don't tag cursing or anything for you to filter out.

if, for whatever reason, if i ever reblog something that contains a slur (against racial minorities, queer people, anything) i will ABSOLUTELY tag that though.

also if anyone has any trigger warnings they think any content needs, please let me know-- asks, dms, comments, reblogs

the cursing thing also applies for sort of dirty jokes? think that only applies to like. two posts and very not explicit. those aren't currently tagged but if they get any more explicit they certainly will be.

queer identity because the explicit reminded me, i'm asexual, and probably straight. maybe bi? dunno, don't particularly care. and i'm trans. ftm. this isn't the blog i talk about that on usually though, unless it relates to a specific ask or a fandom thing.

which, getting into what this blog is for because i can't think of anything else i need to add here (guys let me know if i forgot important stuff, please, i'm an idiot!!! i will forget the important stuff and write random shit instead!! i've already deleted three tangents from this!!)

sooooo

fandoms!! ones i write and/or post about or will potentially post about

percy jackson extending to hoo, toa, tkc (definitely post way less about this), mcga (again, way less). haven't read TSATS or COTG yet, but spoilers are fine. i post way more about minor characters. write fanfiction for and have some posted (both on here and ao3) and a bunch of snippets.

dcu-- films, comics, animated shows, all of it. personally, my favorites are young justice (the comics, not show version), new teen titans, and batman inc (batgirls, nightwing, and red robin esp). late 90s yj run is my favorite, and i loved the DCeased event. favorite batman comic is definitely court of owls run. no fanfics posted, but some on docs.

mcu-- way less so, but have a stucky oneshot. slowly making my way through in timeline order.

throne of glass. i'm an aedion and chaol apologizer because they do a bunch of dumb shit but then WHO DOESN'T in this series. fanfics in doc, not posted.

this would go on for ages if i listed everything so instead, here's an ask i answered on my fandoms/genres and everything. feel free to send me asks about anyone. if you send me something about radium girls i may cry though (tears of joy) so there's your advanced warning.

main things you'll see on my blog are incorrect quotes, snippets, and the occasional fic

this^^

my... idk, contact policy? seriously what do i word this

asks are always open, anon is on.

if you send hate... whatever. i'll probably delete it.

unless i find it funny. then I'll post it. there's really little you could say to me that would hurt.

when i say asks are always open, you can drop anything you want.

literally anything

you need to vent? want advice? want to request headcanons? request a fic? give me a prompt? ask random things about me? something else I've forgotten? go right ahead

if you want to ask me to update my fics? go right ahead. sometimes i forget i didn't post something.

send as many asks as you want, i don't care if it might be spam

i can't promise i'll respond to asks in a timely manner, sometimes i open my inbox and forget they exist for months, i'm sorry. if it's something you really want answered you can send another one

dm's are alright? if you want to be friends or something, go right ahead.

anyone can reblog any of my posts/comment/heart, i don't care. you want to heart 50 things in a row? i adore you. if i had kids, you would get my firstborn

if we're mutuals you can ask for my insta/give me yours.

now, other accounts:

anyway, i think that's it?

[wtclangen]

When Thunder Crashes Masterpost

Newtclan Start

Allegiences: Newtclan | Flutterclan (TBD) | Milkclan (TBD) | Bayclan (TBD) | Boulderclan (TBD) | Rowanclan (TBD)

Territory maps: World map, Newtclan Territory,

Posting Schedule: 1 page every weekend (trying to make it monday specifically) and lore posts whenever I feel like it/people ask!

Ask/Fanart policy: I love asks!! I absolutely encourage them!! about the characters, to me as the writer, and especially about the world in general!!! The same goes for fanart. And if you do make fanart and I don't see it, don't be afraid to DM me with the post! I never wanna miss anybodies art 🌟

(BTW, This masterpost will be constantly updating)

TAGS: (More tags will be updated as the story progresses)

#update- comic page update

#newtask- Newtclan related ask (asks are always open for any character, or even for myself about the comic! I encourage them, but I cannot guarantee I will always answer them)

#wtcask- asks that have to do with the WTC world in general!

#newtclan- anything Newtclan related!

#lore- lore about the clan, or the WTC world/culture!

#characterlore- this one speaks for itself

#reference- character reference sheets!

#writing- posts that are just writing

#others art- this speaks for itself

#not wtc- anything not related to wtc

#my fic- essentially the same tag as writing, but this is to differentiate if it's my writing or someone else's!

TWs- Tw for Canon typical warrior cats (violence, blood, death, kit death, war, etc), arguing, implied abuse, cursing, depression, grief, gore, and murder. Posts that contain triggers with always be labeled by "cw: (insert trigger)" in the tags.

Most important cws are: cw: arguing, cw: aggressive animal, cw: gore, and cw: aggressive dog

Notes from the OP-

First and most important, this world does not behave like a normal warrior cats world. The spiritual system of this world is almost completely re-done, and it will be explained through lore posts or through the comic. There is also different vocabulary too. The most important new terms being the Helil and the Exceri. these are similar to Starclan and the Dark Forest, but definitely tweaked.

Second, expect to see the other clans in the area! I love my world and I want to show off every bit of it.

Third, there will be some times where I will just be writing instead of it being a comic! Writing will be at the bottom of posts, or it will be bonus/not main comic content made in a separate post. I'll link it somewhere on this post lol, and it'll most likely be under some kind of lore tag. Also, expect my artstyle to change sometimes!

About the author

Hi I'm Cat! You can call me Cat, Catlatch, or Kei. I use He/Him pronouns and i am currently a full time art student! My main blog is @catlatchis . Other than that Idk what to say here other than i hope you enjoy the world I'm creating as much as i do!

[irrealisms]

i follow a lot of people in lifesteal fandom (<- i follow a lot of people in general tbh. like, over 2k blogs) and i really wish that ppl Tagged their discourse or character neg more often. i haven't spoken to ls!kab discourse on this blog other than like a few reblogs and i will continue not speaking on the meat of it except maybe in private bc it's Upsetting to think about too much but for the same reason (it's Upsetting!) i really wish i could filter it. and i just can't, except by either unfollowing everyone who ever posts it (including a lot of blogs i otherwise love!) or filtering literally all variants of kab's name. which (a) sucks when i do in fact like a lot of art that includes her and even appreciate liveblogs and stuff and just dont want to see intense discourse which is often about upsetting subjects (b) would also, due to the nature of tumblr filters, catch a lot of unrelated words that have "kab" in them, such as "likable" or "unremarkable" without catching, say, someone who is talking about "k4b00dle" or "k.abo.odle" in order to not show up in search results (something i myself have done in the past)

idk it sucks bc i want to get more into s6 but every time i do i just get flooded with waves of genuinely upsetting discourse. ik that Talking About It can be good for some people but i dont want to get into it personally and i also dont want to unfollow half the fandom! and it's not an issue of "just follow ppl who dislike kab's character"/"just follow ppl who like kab's character" bc that's not what it's about for me. i just want to stop seeing discourse about kab's character. idk bro i miss dsmp fandom where i could filter "discourse" and then 500 variants of "[x] neg" "[x] crit" etc and this would actually do something. it wouldn't get Everything (if nothing else theres the fact that half of the discourse, by its nature, is [x] positive/criticizing the people who criticize [x], and i dont always want to see that either!) but it'd get, like, half of it at least. in lifesteal fandom there is Nothing i can filter that will catch Anything other than filtering The Entire Existence Of The Character. and when i'm missing the discourse environment of dsmp fandom that's how you know it's dire

this is a vent post more than anything so please be kind on it but 100% genuinely if more people in the fandom tagged it then. that would be really really nice and i would appreciate it a lot. idk if enough other people feel this way for it to be worth asking for it more broadly or deciding on/promoting a general tag to be used or if it's Just Me in which case it's probably not worth it but i thought i'd put this out there

and like dgmw i can respect "i cannot tag things consistently, i do not have a tagging system, i do not ever tag things for blacklists". that's fine!!! there is absolutely stuff i do not tag and will not tag. im not demanding anything. ik i am a fairly consistent tagger on this blog but i had a previous blog where i tagged Literally Nothing and just quick reblogged everything and quite frankly trying to be a consistent tagger even just of fandom/topic (not even of most triggers) is a big part of why i am a lot less active than i used to be on tumblr! i get it, i promise. i probably won't unfollow over this and it's not gonna hurt me terribly or anything. i'm complaining on my own blog about something that Would Be Nice but ultimately it's fine to run your blog however you want

wow this post is long. ok bye

[diivineray]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

I have a lot-- most are currently inactive but you'll know when you see them. I'm open however to creating new OTPs and spazzing about them with you.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Its fair game. I am willing to write just about everything except for like underaged stuff. Everything else is fair game if we discuss it beforehand. I'm not easily triggered by things, and a lot of my muses tap into that risque and taboo nature so come at me bruh.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

I agree with what Ash said. we just don't like dealing with toddlers.

Are you selective when shipping?

Not really. I go based off chemistry. This isn't just a muse related thing, its also on how well we write together. Sometimes our writing might not mesh and that's okay. point is, I'll always try.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

idk once clothes come off, bow chicka bow bow. I love smut, I'm not shy about it. I do not use read more's but I will tag. This blog contains heavy amounts of it so it shouldn't be surprising.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Oh boy, literally every one of my muses with @deathfavor. Xie Lian and Mu Qing with @feietouhuo, their love transcends worming. Mu Qing will also eventually come to know their deep infatuation with Pei Ming. (We still have hope.) Also, I don't know if you'd still be down for Peilian, but like 🥺and, of course, anything with Xian le trio. @dcstinyscdgc with Fei Fei and Ruolan <3 some new ships i got going with leona I am loving with @verreprincesse & @duunswitch ! Of course leona's very OG prince @farspirit. If i am forgetting anyone hit me fndsklfs but the gist is I got a lot <3

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Nah, but if that helps you by all means go for it. I think ships work very much like real relationships and I love when things kind of just pop up on their own. When the chemistry is cooking ya know?

How often do you like to ship?

i'd be a lying hoe if I said not all the time so.

Are you multiship?

yep!! There are some muses it might take me some time to open up with, but every muse is different, and I don't wanna do myself the disservice of missing out on cool peeps by not branching out.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

half and half?? Like I love ships, but I also really do like exploring other aspects of my muses than just the romantics.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

twst: leovil tgcf: fenglian /peiwen mdzs: wangxian

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Asks !! IM's !! I know IM's suck, but I don't give my discord very easily these days so IMs are the best way to go.

tagged. @feietouhuo ( sending you smooches thank u worm qing) tagging. @dcstinyscdgc, @verreprincesse, @duunswitch, @ghostlypath & anyone else who wants to do this

[deejadabbles]

hello love 🤍🤍 hope you’re doing amazing, and maybe this song will get you out of your writing rut, who knows

do whatever you feel like it as the prompt says :)

Thank you so much, these have been helping some I think, if anything it just feels good to post stuff <3

and for you Nour, you get my attempt at writing Crosshair. Hopefully I did okay 🤍

Warning for: smoking/detailed descriptions of smoking, Crosshair being Crosshair

You heard rumors long before you saw him.

Him, the altered clone who had chosen the empire over his brothers. Who was loyal without his chip, who held his rifle closer than anything else. Who spat at anyone who dared step close to him.

He was dangerous.

The first time you crossed paths was late in the night, you had wandered from your quarters, wanting to get closer to the storm raging outside, only to freeze as the crack of lightning backlit a tall figure. He was standing under the durasteel awning, the torrent of rain framing him in a stormy haze as he took a long drag from a deathstick.

Even if you had never seen him, you knew who he was.

No one but the infamous Crosshair could have a presence like that. Standing among smoke and storm as if both were a part of him. Long fingers made for pulling a trigger plucked the stick from his mouth and for a moment, he just stood there. Stood with his eyes closed, face turned up as if he could feel the rain coming down an arms length away, smoke billowing from his mouth.

You should have turned back, but you were caught in a trance watching him.

The man who was always compared to other clones, but who was more dangerous than any of them. You couldn't see much of his expression from your distance, but from what you could tell he looked...pained. Brows drawn in, mouth tight, and nostrils flared. Maybe he was lost in memory, maybe he was trying to forget his latest mission, maybe he-

"It's rude to stare."

His voice sounded like a coiled snake, and it sent shivers down your spine. Those eyes finally opened, and cold irises slid down to meet yours. For a moment he continued to just stand, watching you watching him. Then his eyes narrowed, his head tilted down to level with yours.

"Are you going to tell me what you want, or just stare like a frightened bogling?"

That made you stand up a little straighter, an ounce of ire mixing with that strange fascination. You opened your mouth to retort- only to snap it shut again. Why were you suddenly speechless?! You were an agent of the empire, no one, not even this walking visage of danger should be able to shake you. Then why did you feel your skin tingle when he flicked the deathstick away and start towards you.

"Well?" he snapped.

His movements were long and purposeful, and he closed the gap between you fast. So fast you found yourself taking a step back despite yourself. That made him smirk. Again something shivered through you as he eyed you up and down. Then, teeth bared and gaze narrow, he leaned in even closer.

"If you're going to take up my time, at least made it interesting for me."

He was dangerous, and you really should have turned back.

IDK if I should bother with the tag list for these but I figured why not? lol @blueink-bluesoul @anxiouspineapple99 @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @commander-sunshine @dystopicjumpsuit @wolffegirlsunite @sunshinesdaydream @arcsimper5

[jpegjade]

Synopsis:

You saved Spencer on many occasions and now, it’s his turn to save you.

Tag list:

idk man. i don’t know that I have one.

Trigger warnings:

extremely dark themes, talk about the sooweeside, dark thoughts, realistic depiction of depression, mental health struggles, and other dark shit but nothing gory. No need to hannah baker this shit.

Gender:

idk. i usually don’t mention gender but if i do, lemme know and i’ll change it.

Story Special Notes:

You know when spencer was kidnapped and almost sacrificed and it was him and garcia and she went "we need us"? This was the moment that inspired the thought.

I am indeed having a bad time in life (i’m also sick) and i wanted to write about it with something else mixed in. There’s a whole thing that I added and it’s an element that just gives high angst, low romance (until the end. idk where i’m going with it but i’m sick in bed and suffering because my best friend is living life in the outside world and i’m in my room.)

High angst Story below the cut

You’ve been here before. You’ve been in this dark place before. You’ve been on the edge of glory and in the depths of heartbreak before and this wasn’t it. Oddly enough, it wasn’t anything. You didn’t feel anything, the sounds muddled in your ears. Every feeling inside of you weighed on your chest and suddenly, it was quiet. Completely silent for a moment. Just a moment, though. Your thoughts suddenly started racing again. The voices just going until you drifted away again.

That day…

“Spencer.” You said, your voice laced with worry.

Garcia was trying to get the location from the phone while you kept him on as long as possible.

“Y/n.” He said, matter of factly.

He accepted his fate already but you couldn’t let him give up. You couldn’t let him stop fighting his way out of this.

“Spencer, I know it’s hard. I know it seems impossible. But don’t give up, okay? Don’t lose the fire you always had inside of you.” Your voice broke slightly before you composed yourself again.

“I’m going to lay down for a while. I miss my bed but it’s time for the world to swallow me whole.” Spencer said, voice steady and even.

You put yourself on mute.

“Garcia, look for graveyards. They’re probably holding him there” You looked directly at her as tears streamed down her face.

She never knew how you were so calm, how Spencer was so even when it sounded like he was about to die. The two of you never ceased to amaze her under immense, life-threatening pressure.

“Spence,” you said, unmuting yourself, “the light in your eyes can’t die, okay? Don’t let that light die.

“I’m so sorry. I just wanted to get far away from the water around me…” Spencer said, a little shuffle from the other side of the line with a distance sound of a cow or something similar.

Muted again.

“He’s away from the coast. Triangulate the ones that are far away from the water. I would say rural from the shuffling.” You said, quickly.

“Hey, y/n?” Spencer said, a shift in tone within his voice.

“Yeah?” You unmuted while watching Garcia’s fingers fly across the keyboard.

“I love you.”

The line went dead.

—

Quiet. All you heard was quiet… Such a nice sound, one you never experienced before. The burning in your lungs started to fade, the world finally fading as everything started drifting. You felt the world drift away, the sadness encompassed by something else, something you never experienced before. An eternal sense of quiet. Everything faded and all that was left was an eternal quiet. quiet. the raging storm was quiet but different that what you expected. You felt it in… Was it your bones? You felt something in the void but all it felt like was quiet. You felt quiet.

—

that day

“You’re an idiot.” You said, helping Spencer out of the coffin.

You and Penelope were able to find Spencer’s location, the team heading out as soon as the address came up and you met them there.

“You knew where to find me.” Spencer offered a half smile, something off within him.

“You’re an idiot. You idiot.” You couldn’t stop saying it, thinking it, feeling it.

“I know.” The EMT wrapped a blanket around Spencer’s shoulders and kept moving.

“You idiot. You’re an idiot. And I can’t believe you, you idiot.” You dropped your head, shoulders starting to tense up with your body closing into itself.

“I know…” Spencer knew what you were trying to say as he watched as your arms wrapped around your midsection as a reflex.

“You idiot.” Your voice growing louder as everyone started noticing.

“Hey, I’ve got you.” Spencer rose to his feet, pulling you into him, under the blanket.

“I can’t believe you.” You said, sobs racking your body.

Spencer held you as you stood there, breaking down. You almost lost the only person in the world who understood you. He was willing to lay down and let everything go to keep everyone else safe because he didn’t think anyone needed him anymore. His will to stand up was broken. And so were you.

“I’ve got you. I’m here.” Spencer held you tight but you held onto him tighter.

“You were okay with leaving me. You were just fine leaving me and you’re an idiot. You idiot.” You repeated, finally letting it tumble out.

“I’ll do anything to protect you, y/n. They need you.” Spencer said, rubbing your back.

“They need you. They need you but I need you more. I need us…” your body could barely hold you up, so Spencer did the work and just held you until you couldn’t cry anymore.

He held you until you were the only two people out there, every car had left aside from yours and garcia’s vehicles.

“I love you too…” You said, finally feeling okay again with him.

—

“Y/n.” Spencer said, walking into the apartment. It was dark and quiet, the way you hated it.

No answer.

“It’s late…I should probably not yell…” He muttered to himself, throwing his keys on the table.

There was something off. He felt a chill in his heart and he sprinted to find you. There was something wrong. Something…

“Y/N!” Spencer called, begging for you to answer.

“In here.” You moaned from your bed.

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief as he flipped on the light.

His stomach dropped out of his body when he saw you. It wasn’t sleep that made you sound groggy and drained. His body suddenly felt like it was cemented to the ground.

“Spence…” You breathed, barely audible as you drifted back into the quiet again.

“Y/n… No… Please.” Spencer found the words, his brain snapping into place once again.

—

The quiet went away. You couldn’t tell when or how or why but you drifted back to where you were before. The quiet rejected you, sent you back to where you came from. The quiet was no longer inviting, it was suffocating. You wanted to scream. You wanted to find someone. It was too dark. Where was the light? What happened to the light? It was cold and loud and…

—

“Please, just come back. I won’t leave. I promise… I’ll…” Spencer’s voice broke as the monitors started reacting to changes in your body.

Spencer’s hands started to shake, tremors racking his entire being as he was escorted out of the room.

He sat there, sliding down the wall to the floor. He didn’t know what to do, who to tell. He didn’t know where to turn. He didn’t want anyone, he just wanted you. He wanted his home. He only wanted you.

“You can come in now, sir.” The nurse said, inviting Spencer back in the room.

Spencer hustled to get up, scrambling to see you again. He just needed to reach you. He needed to…

You were awake… Blinking, hands crossed on your lap, eyes unfocused.

“Spencer, where am I?” You asked, finally noticing he was there when he stood at the foot of your bed.

“The hospital.” Spencer said, his voice breaking. Tears prickled his eyes and he couldn’t tell why.

He sounded so broken inside. His spirit returned to his body knowing you were awake but his body was so broken down.

“Oh.” You said, letting all of the weight of the situation hit you.

“Do you need something? Apple juice?” He asked, tentatively moving towards the stacks of empty apple juice cups on the tray next to you.

He loved apple juice as much as you did so he was drinking it to remind himself of you.

“No.” You said, looking at the 2am soap opera on the TV above you.

“I’m sorry…” Spencer sat in the chair he moved next to your bed at the beginning of the stay.

“Why?” You asked, your head foggy and drained. You couldn’t think. You were so exhausted that even keeping your eyes open was the hardest part of the day.

“You wanted to go and…” His voice caught in his throat.

Tears rolled down his cheeks now, his nose a little runny. He sniffled.

“You weren’t ready to let me go…” You said, wishing you had the strength spencer had in that moment.

The strength to just stick around. The strength to battle your demons. The strength to keep going.

“We need you. We’re not the same without you.” His chest tight, his hands itching to touch you.

“Bullshit.” You said, nothing behind it.

“Y/n…” Spencer could barely find his voice, begging you to look at him.

“Spencer, no one misses me. No one needs me. Sure as hell not the team. No one wants me. After all I’ve given, nothing… no one…” You looked up at the florescent lights above you.

“I need you.” Spencer said, firmly. “I need us. Together. I need you to stay with me. I need you to be here with me… Please…” He whispered the last word.

“Please hold me…” You whispered, wanting to feel warm again.

Spencer hesitated for a moment before climbing into the bed with you. He was taller than you so it wasn’t a comfortable fit but you weren’t looking for comfort. You were looking for Spencer. You didn’t really know what you needed but you needed Spencer.

“I just want to be warm again…” You said, settling into Spencer’s arms again.

The two of you sat in the too small bed, silently crying as a dramatic telanovela switch onto the tv, wondering how you got here.

[penumbralwoods]

it's so hard to talk about this without sounding like a stereotypical conspiracy theorist but it is increasingly blatantly obvious to me that social media apps and sites are DESIGNED to show you things you don't want to see.

i have a twitter account that is unused. it has never interacted with a post, has never followed anyone, and has never been followed. granted, i do not use twitter. obviously. that account exists so i don't have to deal with the pop-ups and can actually see posts chronologically. yet every single time i have opened twitter.com, at least one of the 3 posts i see at the top of whatever they call the for you tab is a callout post, vaguepost, or apology following a callout post. every. single. time. because that's what that tab's for. that tab is there to show you shit you hate so you engage and stay longer.

tiktok and tumblr aren't immune to this, obviously. i've run several lil experiments and tumblr actually increases the amount of posts with certain tags it shows me when i hit "not interested" enough times. that happening today is what triggered this rant.

and like yeah whatever curate your experience. but i think we also need to acknowledge that the entire system is designed to prey on you and make you angry so you make the advertisers more money.

actually i dont know why im making this post will wood already has the entire thing in better words:

"I think that we as a culture spend so much time admonishing ourselves for our bad habit or one another for being jerks online; and not enough time putting the blame on the companies who make such insidious efforts to put us in these psychological positions.

I think it’s sort of like smoking. We’re still in the stage of saying “this is a filthy habit and I need to quit” and have yet to start saying “the tobacco companies are knowingly killing us and need to be removed from their positions of power.” Yeah, we picked up the first cigarette, and it’s our job to quit if we start getting short of breath and grouchy and want to feel better, but the death, disease, and act of knowingly chemically manipulating us is on R.J. Reynolds." source

but yeah idk man i'm just thinking about things. like how i know jack shit about any of the extracurriculars at my school i'm not currently involved in because they all post info on their own instagram pages and nowhere else. and how when a well-known person stops using twitter or social media in general people panic and think something happened to them.

people say "gen alpha is gonna grow up with this" but like.... i knew what twitter, reddit, and tumblr were as a kid. i even got an idea of the kind of culture each one had going, since i watched a few of those content-farming voiceover youtubers. and i'm still really fucking confused as to how we got here. what do you even do with more than one social media account?? if you have a tumblr and a twitter and an instagram are you like. checking all of them? how do you make time for anything else when you have multiple spheres of the entire internet you're trying to be active in and be in the loop on everything?

this got so fucking long whatever you all liked the gabriel post so you enabled me into posting more rants i take no responsibility.

[lunachats]

sooo uh. i think i just discovered a mechanism by which sideblogs i make for kink-related posts are essentially getting. you know. quasi-banned. surreptitiously. specifically they lose their ability to reply (403 error!) and stop appearing in any tag & search results if i make a single new post containing a kink tag. trying to delete these blogs also gives a 404! ive (somewhat haphazardly) replicated this twice and id do further testing but it would also mean having additional undeletable throwaway blogs which is annoying

what bugs me is that there exist other accounts which are clearly able to post in these forbidden tags that i've tested. (i won't name the tags here cause i dont to risk my main getting hit w this.) i wonder if my tumblr account has been flagged behind the scenes or if there's some kind of anti-spam site feature that i'm unwittingly triggering with these new sideblogs. or hell, maybe the other kink blogs are all main accounts & if i want to post like them i need to like. sign up again.

idk, has anyone else noticed anything like this?? its probably odd of me to test the discoverability of my posts in the first place. but i want people to be able to find me via tags so i can potentially make new friends and mutuals...!