#tw covid lockdown

[hussyknee]

Why is my stupid idiot brain sunk to the very bottom of the sea bed like whale fall. I'm on extra strength medication, I'm staying off social media, I'm surrounded by kittens. And yet. My anxiety has turned into full blown agoraphobia and I'm so depressed that getting out of bed is a feat I only achieve because my cats need feeding.

It's been almost seventeen years of being bipolar but I still can't internalise that mood disorders are actual illnesses that disable and debilitate as much as any physical disease. Clearly the only thing wrong with me is that I'm not trying hard enough to crawl out of this. If I really wanted to get better I'd fight through my anxiety and back pain and sensory hell and do stuff like go to therapy, eat healthy, exercise and get a job.

To make matters worse, my brain keeps hollering that I'm 37 this year and no closer to joining the rest of the job-having, rent-paying, independent adult world. The fact that I've been in a consistently worsening mental health crisis since 2020 to the point that I was in greater danger than I've ever been of committing suicide the first six months of last year is clearly irrelevant. Somehow.

Tbh, if it wasn't for my rescue kittens, I'd be regretting that I didn't just go through with it. Not enough to go through with it now, but regretting it all the same. But I do have my kitties so I can't regret it. Instead, I'm just resigning myself to the fact that having something to live for, even when I don't want to, is the best I'll ever get.

[homo-rashi]

personal vent post TW CPTSD, Sick Animals, blood, Death,

long story short, I took care off a sick family pet for multiple years, they were very, very sick and it was very overwhelming for me. I was by myself due to covid lockdown most of the time and it was just me and the sick animal. I was in my late teens during this whole ordeal, but its normal to live alone in my country for attend high school in different towns.

I loved this pet so much, but they were pooping blood at an uncontroableness but they were still happy and eating and fine in every other aspect until they passed...that being said, they were about 80lbs. a large pet and they were in my bed most of the time and I couldnt move them by myseld. (im skinny and not very strong)

due to laundry services being closed in my country to covid, I couldnt due laundry and was often sleeping for days on end in blankets covever in blood and liquid poop from my pet. I would find one clean spot and cover myself up with it. I would spray a sink cloth with cologne and press it too my nose so i could sleep because it smelled so bad.

this was my life from just before covid lockdown to late 2022. I was living hell. I would often times find myself hiding in my closet away from my pet (they were safe and didn't need constant care) with my hands over my ears because they would cry if they were along and hearing them cry made me shake, I was terrified. I didn't want them to pass, but I couldn't take taking care of them at times. It was traumatizing.

I have a new pet now who is older and not always in the greatest health and whenever she gets sick, I go back to that place, how I was in lockdown. I freeze, I cry, I cant stop myself from shaking and I often throw up because of how afraid I am of being around a sick animal or any of my animals being sick again.

I think I have either PTSD or CPTSD from the entire expirence but I feel stupid because when youre googleing symptoms of CPTSD, is states its a response to thinks like years off sexual or physical abuse...so me being this...messed up over a sick animal? I dont know I just feel like i'm faking it but, i'm not.

does anyone have any expirence with trauma around animals? pls talk to me.

[alto-viola]

Is it rational to be scared of the new covid variant and another potential shutdown or am I just traumatized?

[do-rey-me]

you are the world.

as you lay dying in a hospital bed

we take a moment to breathe in

(we do not know this is a dangerous thing yet)

the air free of the chemicals and beeping and rushing we have grown accustomed to

we try and eat something that is not bland

the shops are closed

as you are dying, the world is dying with you.

when we had first arrived, the staff had thought i was old

they had me sign paperwork and give medical information for your stay as your next of kin

they looked in my eyes and saw my future

(Apollo was God of prophecy and medicine both)

knew i would command your fate into the ground

knew i would not condemn you to that terror of cremation

your family arrives

(black birds following armies, knowing that a feast will be served)

they always do, for matters they consider important

first arrives your sister

(i forget which one)

she is kind to me, of course

she dances around the obvious, of course

she is surprised that my mother and stepfather are there,

although she tries to hide it

at some point, there is a meeting around whether or not

you would want to have donated yourself to help others

(why is that information not already available?)

i don’t know for certain what you would say, but i tell them to do it anyway

(forgive me, for not asking)

(forgive me, for not saying hello)

(forgive me, for waiting until i was grown to talk)

your sister tries to give you your Last Rites while my family is away

the Priest, the Doctors, they all tell her no

she tries anyway

(i understand, she is trying to help)

(i understand, she does not know you)

your Mother arrives.

(so does her husband and my uncle)

i don the armor ive been welding for my (your) life (death)

I greet her with respect, we go through the motions of grief before death

(i do not give her my True Name, i do not eat of her food, i do not give her any debts)

(i am a changeling child, i know her kind well)

i prepare myself for real battles to begin.

the rest of the players trickle in

the family

your friends

(your friends go through your house, giving most to me. neither side asks, so no debt is owed)

(i do not have to go myself)

(it is one less battle to fight)

my mother becomes my second-in-command easily, as if she never even stopped

she is water, flowing and changing

she is rock, steady and tethering

here is how the war is fought

in uncomfortable hospital chairs, we talk, your family and i

your mother takes charge on her side

i take charge on mine

we are outnumbered, but we have legal power over your decisions

and their time is running out.

as per the rules set long ago, we must remain respectful. polite.

they are your family. they raised you. you are their precious son.

(you were born out of wedlock. you abandoned the faith. you raised a queer.)

my mother abandoned you. my stepfather must hate you. your friends are irrelevant.

(you were my mother’s best friend. you got my stepfather to branch out. your friends built a boat to burn for you)

but me? i am your child. you are my precious father, my world, who i am losing.

so when i tell them that you would want to be buried without a box, to feed the earth and let the worms eat your flesh?

they cannot oppose me directly.

most of your family ignores your brother, my uncle

they can’t understand the words he says so they think him infantile

when they aren’t ignoring him, they are Handling him

they tell him you are dying in little words

“Pete isn’t going to be around anymore soon”

they say in falsetto tones

they do not let him grieve. they do not let him love.

i do not let the rage boil under my skin

i do not let myself mourn that with your passing he will be taken away as well

it will not help him. it will not help you.

i often can’t understand what my uncle says either, but that’s not new

the wind likes to play tricks on me, tying words into knots before they reach my ears

i am one of the few that treats him like the eldest child he will soon be

he is one of the few that treats me like the child i shall still be for two years yet

so between battles, sitting amongst the corpses of words, we sit in silence,

and we draw

your death is scheduled

it has to be, to harvest what they can from you, to save who they can

there is ceremony to what comes after

they bring the body up, and we walk down the hall with it

doctors and nurses line the halls, giving respect to what we have lost

giving respect to what you have given that will save others

the only sound the whole way is my uncle’s sobs

i don’t know if he hates that it was a child, your child, who was the one comforting him

and so the world ends.

the funeral seems dull in comparison to the honor walk

sure, your family made a scene,

but my mother took the narrative back

and anyway.

by that point the fight was over

your wishes were respected

i had won.

the next day,

we went home.

and we didn’t come out.

and so the world ends.

[bumpscosity]

Got my next covid booster 💪

[weepingfireflies]

Some guy tried to tell me it should have been immuno-compromised people's responsibility to follow precautions to not get COVID during the height of the pandemic... Bestie... Is that really the argument you want to make?

[chickpea0]

how many lockdown kids do you think are gonna grow up to be regressors do you think. mustve felt like you were 10 forever yet not experience it at all, then all of a sudden youre a teenager and time moves so weirdly

[emaya-chan-the-potato-headed]

I may be very much alone with this thought, but OMG! Doesn't 2023 have the worst creative BLOCK and unmotivated energy you have ever experienced???!!!

[fuckbrained]

Dad: you took two years of Japanese classes at university. Why can’t you speak it?

Me who spent those classes cutting myself just out of view of the zoom camera:

[chitaqua-toast]

If you’re in Washington (state, not DC) and test positive for Covid, contact Washington Care Connect.

Their website is below. They’re helping people with food delivery, helping with a month of rent/bill coverage, and helping find medical care.

Your only requirements are having officially tested positive (they will accept in-home rapid tests if you don’t have a doctor, and will send you to a clinic to get the PCR done) and agreeing to voluntary lockdown for two weeks.

We didn’t need help with bills, but I was afraid the household’s food budgets were going to hemorrhage with us having to make delivery grocery orders and DoorDash on days we were too sick to cook.

We received so much food, tp, paper towels, pads for the teen, bottled water, Gatorade, laundry soap… I told them we have an old, small dog and they got him a massive package of Fresh Pet (he’s missing several teeth, and I already have a bag of small kibble for him but ran out of FP right before we got sick).

There was so much, we were overwhelmed. Legit in tears, texting the volunteer about it. Anything we can’t use is storable in our pantry or freezer. This had to have been hundreds to buy for a house of five.

If your state has a similar program, please repost with yours.

https://doh.wa.gov/emergencies/covid-19/care-connect-washington

[buckleybarton]

watching people get nostalgic over the first lockdown makes me feel vaguely sick.. I was just 18, and learning how I could legally become my brothers guardian if my mom happened to get covid from a patient and die because we didn’t want him to go to my abusive father. I spent every day wondering if my mum was actually coming home. I wasn’t baking bread and learning a new hobby I was preparing to raise a 15 year old for the rest of my life because we had no idea what might happen. I’m 20 now and I still can’t rest until my mom is home from work because I have that anxiety stuck in me forever.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my mom I would blow up her entire household and myself in a gas explosion if my parents built me a house to live in?

TW for descriptions of child abuse and suicide mention

I (22NB) cut off my abusive father (mid40M) and left home when I turned 18. I'm going to call him Harry (fake name) from now on because I'm going to have to talk about him a lot. When covid lockdowns started I had to leave home because I phsyically could not be in the same room as Harry without fully disassociating and would constantly have homicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks just hearing him walk around the house or talk from locked away in my bedroom. Growing up Harry would phsyically and verbally abuse me, he's thrown me out of a window and locked me outside of the house, pinned me to the ground and stabbed me in the back of the neck with a pair chopsticks, slapped me, kicked me while I was curled up on the ground and so on. My mom (mid40F) would watch all these things and never did anything to stop the abuse, his abuse started ramping down when my little brother was born (12M) so most of these things happened to me from 6 years old to being 10. Harry has never been phsyically and verbally abusive towards my mom or my siblings I was his only victim at home.

I developed a slew of mental illness traits the main of which being diagnosed cPTSD from this abusive upbringing. I also ended up developing a phsyical disability that limits my mobility when I was turning 20, I live alone and the house I live in is extremely unaccessible and even dangerous for me to live in. Because of this I am still in regular contact with my mom getting her help with things I can't manage to do on my own due to my disability. Her and Harry are planning to move out to the countryside and have a house built there so I am aware I won't be able to rely on her for too many years longer. One day she mentions to me that apparently they had been planning to build me a small house tucked away at the back of their property for me to live in so she could keep taking care of me. I'd never heard of this plan before and never asked for anything like this.

First of all I found it incredibly demeaning to build a little doghouse out of sight to keep your traumatized disabled child like an unwanted pet only kept around out of pity and some sense of responsibility, my mom comes from a culture where its the norm to treat disabled people like this and make sure they are unseen but I did not appreciate it. Second of all this would literally be the most nightmarish scenario for me to live through possible, I can't drive I don't have a car and there is no public transport or delivery services for food and grocceries at all outside of the capital of my country. My mom doesn't drive either so she would put me in a scenario where literally every single aspect of my life would become completely dependent on my transphobic abuser that I still get full blown PTSD episodes even just thinking about. My house, my food, where I can go and getting to the doctor would all become completely at the mercy of Harry in this situation. This is when I told my mom if put in this situation I would blow up all of us in a gas explosion to escape it because that's how awful living through that would be.

She didn't really react to me saying I would blow all of them up if this happens because I use exaggerated violent language often, she just called me ungrateful. While it was mainly to express just how bad this situation would be for me it was also somewhat meant as a threat, due to my disability I've had other family members try to get me declared legally incompetent so they could get a government caregiver from me. My parents could absolutely use the law to force me into this housing situation even as an adult, it was partially a threat because I wanted it in their heads that it a bad idea for them to do this to me, realistically I would just commit suicide to escape it instead. My cPTSD makes me incapable of having grounded thoughts and reactions to the things that trigger it, I know my mental problems make me an asshole a lot of the time but I just want to live my shitty life as painlessly as possible for however long I've got left.

What are these acronyms?

[thatsonemorbidcorvid]

TW: sexual harassment

“The noise greets her the moment she walks into the classroom. The sound is guttural, a low, insistent moaning. It begins with one boy. Quickly others join in, enjoying her confusion and embarrassment when she understands the intended meaning. It is a daily sport.

I first became aware of the phenomenon of sexual moaning in our institutions of learning when visiting a large public school in regional Queensland early in 2021. I asked the girls what messages they would like conveyed to their male peers.

‘Please ask the boys to stop making sexual moaning noises in class.’ This was new to me. ‘How many of you have heard boys make these noises?’ I asked. In unison, 300 girls raised their hands.

It wasn’t just in the classroom either, they told me. It was on the school bus. At weekend sport. At a party. In the line-up at Maccas. While walking down the street. Even at home, where an older brother had trained the younger in the art of sexual groaning. But this community was not an outlier.

From then on, I asked every female student in every school I was able to enter in the COVID-disrupted year that followed if they had been similarly confronted. ‘Yes, of course we hear these noises.’ ‘It’s normal.’ ‘We thought we just had to put up with it.’ They think this practice of boys simulating the noise of orgasm at any female in their midst is normal. Not unusual, not rare, not out of the ordinary, but normal.

I added ‘Please ask boys to stop making sexual moaning noises’ to other messages girls routinely asked me to relay, including:

Please ask the boys to stop telling us about the porn they watched last night. Please ask the boys to stop ranking us according to the bodies of porn stars. Please ask the boys to stop making jokes about our bodies. Please ask the boys to stop rubbing up against us in the corridors. Please ask the boys to stop sending us dick pics. Please ask the boys to stop pressuring us for nudes.

These everyday sexual affronts tell us a great deal about how entrenched the objectification of girls is. They also tell us how widespread is the callousing of our young men, the erosion of empathy, the decay of civil behaviour, and the social arson caused by mass pornography saturation.

At a NSW Christian School just before the June 2021 lockdown, girls said boys were filming themselves simulating masturbation using hand sanitiser bottles.

At a Perth public school, girls arrived on their first day back after lockdown to be greeted with photocopies of boys’ penises taped to their lockers. And the most recent story, from a regional NSW public school: boys were masturbating on the school bus in front of girls.”

[fizzzyz]

More Arsentropolis characters!!!!!!

All these little weirdos except for the priest are infected with the disease that lies in Arsentropolis. I don’t have a name for it yet, but it’s associated with trypophobia.

Jilly and Boe are conjoined twins, born with the disease. They’re only about 7 months old, but the disease has made them grow inhumanly fast. They’re pretty strong and lack some abilities, as feeling some emotions and talking.

Father Johnson is one of the few priests in the Church party. He’s in his 30s and have been loyal to the church and god for years. He’s half blind in his right eye. He has a sweet and loving soul but it doesn’t shine through much his quiet and gritty, at some times introverted behaviour.

Canine is another infected that was born with the disease. Its legs were replaced with arms, and its back is arched, giving it a dog-like appearance.

Centipeter or Centipetra is rn just an idea I have in mind and idk if I’ll add them yet. They’re supposed to be half centipede and half human.

Tw: disgusting disease below cut 💃

The disease basically attacks your genes, mixing and decoding them, which can really fuck up your body. Creatures born with the disease can be really deformed. It also creates small holes in mostly your skin, but even worse, in your flesh or even organs. It can only infect through injection or consumtion, and not by breathing it in like covid. This makes it harder for the disease to spread but because of the high rates of cannibalism (they have to eat each other in order to stay alive as they’re running out of food and can’t get any new due their city being in a lockdown.) the disease is rather common. Symptoms start to show up after about a month, but it’s too late even after 13 days after the infection, as soon as it starts working it’s over. Life span after infection is from about 3 months to almost 2 years depending on the infected’s condition.

This disease isn’t entirely natural, as some sort of demonism lies behind it, explaining the unnatural features of it. Some who have been infected for q longer period may start to reject god and turn to satan, becoming aggressive like rabid animals. Babies born with the disease can look like a demon almost and be extremely inhuman.

Idk what I was on when I made this idea 😭

[4uru]

My personal problems:

My clusterfuck of a rant (ft. Cassandra clare)

Buckle up besties bc im about to trauma dump. Like actual baby gay trauma.

(@faithfromanewperspective you wanted to know, i dont think i can freestyle angst on an ask like i can on a post so here it is)

Tw: incest, gender dysphoria, homophobic parents, sexual assault.

In our country you have to give a board exam (goverment??? Exam??? Similar to SATs) at the end of your 5 grade. So you need a primary school certificate (PSC)

After my PSC, my parents fixed up my Tablet. And went to work., i sat on my leaving room couch with blankets and pillows for a whole month (there was a dent on the couch when i actually got up for 6th grade) and i surfed the internet in those weeks.

I saw the malec video on yt ( i didnt click on it and didnt think much of it)

So my friend told me to watch anime. Somehow searching 'anime' on yt lead me to an anime 'Super lovers' (yaoi, pseudo incest, pedophilic and rapey everything under the sun you can find, its in super lovers) also i was like 11. 5 years old at this point. I have no concept of whats right or wrong. And bc of these animes (theres so much of it) i thought incest was fine. I also got into Todobaku and bakudeku. And thats part was fine i was mainly watching edits on yt. Then i started reading yaoi mangas and wattpad stories and gacha vids (And yes incest is still featuring on these stories for the most part)

Somewhere along the line, i was like, this feels weird (it was a particularity bad wattpad story with incest i think) i was already consuming gay content for months by then. (I still hadnt started 6th grade mind you.) and my standard for content increased a bit. And i stopped engaging with incest fics and mangas completely. After i distanced myself from it i realised how fucked that was and moved on from it.

But i still engaged with gay content. Somehow i stumbled upon the malec vid again. I watched it. (The first time im seeing live action gay ppl on screen) then i got into thai bl. ("Love by chance" was my first) the thai bl scene was a bit better. Around this time i read bl, watched bl and started to research about gay culture and what not. I figured out i was attracted to girls before i even went back to school

When i went back to school I became friends with a girl (lets call her bunny) I knew bunny since 5th grade but i didnt talked to her that year. she was smart and cool and i had a bit of crush on her from afar.

(5th grade before gay awakening) One time in my school bus while guessing one of my "friends" crushes i asked if he had a crush on bunny, he laughed, i "joked" if i was a boy, i would grow up to marry her. That 'friend' emptied his water bottle on my head as a response.

In 6th grade, the first week (maybe 2nd /3rd January), bunny and i got selected for a group project along with other friends. Me and another friend went to bunny's house for the project. The other friend left. After that friend left bunny and I started to unpack our traumas for each other. Family troubles and what not. I (being the dumb bitch i am) told her that i liked her (and also the water bottle thing) and that i liked girls too (at this point I identified as bi)

In class 6 and of fuckery happend, but me and bunny became bsfs so fast, with in a day. And we were inseparable. I asked her out and she laughed in my face. And we laughed about it years later too. 6th grade ends with her being made at me for smth i didnt even do wrong and some other shit with out toxicest friened. (We werent hanging out by the end of the year)

(Also i finished all off the percy jackson and percy jackson spin offs in 6th grade) and i also told my dad that i liked girls too. He conveniently forgot it for the nest year.

I come back for 7th grade knowing I was bi or pan (couldnt decide which i identified with the most) i start hanging out with a group of boys. Then covid happens.

Lockdown at the begining was fine (terrified but fine) around the second month of lockdown some genderfuckery started to happen. I would forget my own gender (round the time i was falling asleep or waking up). I started consuming for trans stuff around this time. And i journaled on my sketchbook with doodles and cried on it. I had terrible dysphoria. And i didnt even have a name for it in the begining. And one day the pain became too much and i broke in front of my mother. I came out to her. She ignored me. (Muslim parents) she said i was just a tomboy and "theres nothing wrong with me" and other stuff. I was sure i was trans. And non binary (trans tiktok helped with that bit).

My dysphoria became worse as time went on. Just before time of my birthday. My step mother bought me some books i asked for (queer books) and it had Chain of Gold She saw that it had just come out and thought i would like it. So i was reading chain of Gold. And i didnt get shit. I maybe read 100 pages before i decided that i needed context. I went on goggle and searched the best ways to read cassandra clare books in order and they said that Series wise is best. So i started City of bones (worse mistake of my life)

It was on yt so i started with it first. I already knew before starting that jace and clary werent related and incest might come up. (I didnt know it was that levels of fucked in the books) i just saw a pinterest meme where it was said rather jokingly.

Anyway i finished the whole part one and two of The mortal instruments. I read it for Malec bc they were the only gay characters. I have 101 problems with this series but my most major one was Malec. So at this point in my life i was a closeted trans, (multispec) queer kid Something about reading Queer characters tell each other horrible things about bejng closted and bisexual made me hate myself more. Malec didnt not develope my internalized homophobia, it definately fueled it tho. After my birthday i got grounded (my parents found out the queer content i was engaging with. It was very traumatic. I came out to them and my dad to my face said that i am not queer, instead i am fetishizing queerness and i was engaging in perversion.)

Alot happend many times my parents tried to distance me from queer culture and media but gave up.

As 7th grade ended me and bunny reconnected (shit also happend when my mother read our chats)

Around 8th grade i cried and begged to my mother that i am not going to change and all that jazz, she didnt say anything. But she became more on gaurd, she would analyze my interactions with other girls differently (one time while riding in her scooty, i was in the back said and waved to a girl that was starting at me for some reason) my mother told my dad that shes afraid im flirting with girls AS IM ON THE SCOOTER WITH HER-

In class 8 bunny pulled some shit (i explained it in another post i think) also i finally watched the shadowhunter series show malec healed the wounds that book malec anf my parents left. I was for the most part okay i think (academic studies were my biggest problem)

In class 9 around second half of the year i joined tumblr (helped my mental health immense, finding other gay ppl) and i asked for a book from my step mother (it was a bangla book about a trans girl) my dad delivered it to me. And said that he got that i wasnt going to change (BC LORD KNOWS THEY TRIED) he told me to study well so i could go live abroad bc this country will have me dead. I agreed and took the book (i couldnt finish the book, it was too dark for me at times, i gave the book to bunny).

Bunny and my relationship is vented about in another post. I wont get it.

So my problem with cassandra clare happens for three major personal reasons, one of them i didnt even mention bc i still feel weird about it.

1. The Malec part.

2. The incest part : reading TMI made me relive that first part where i engaged with incestuous content. And just disturbed me to my core this time around EVENTHOUGH I HAD A MILD HEADS UP i didnt know the extent of its fuckery. I dont know why but it just turnt the disgust at incest meter up the roof. Like completely fucked my brain and i wasnt okay. (I was 13/14 my birthday fell in the middle)

3. The sexual assault of Aline.

(Tw: my SA)

As a child (9/10 yrs old) i was assulted in an crowded elevator, my dad was in the elevator, i didnt not see the assulters face. I just remember being sqished against the wall, with a mans hand jammed between my legs. I rember trying to flatten myself against the wall to get away from the hand but it woulnt stop. The hand was knuckles deep between my thighs. I didnt see the mans face. I dont rememeber what he looked like from the back. After we got out i told my dad. He barely reacted and said 'people are assholes'. I told my mother about it.... Earlier This year. I thought if i had told her, she wouldnt let me hang out with dad anymore. He was so nonchalant about it that i thought i was over reacting.

Reading the Aline SA scene fucked me up. It was the first time i had come across an SA scene in a book, before that it was lightly mentioned. In the Aline scene, my mind visualised the whole thing. And it nearly drove me to a panic attack. I was 13 at this point. And in the books it was never brought up again, like it was no big deal. Like it was normal. It was for shock value. And i fell for it.

And the rest of the tsc is still bad writing and i hated it. But tmi fucked right up mentally and yeah. I have other posts explaining my journey with it, under the tag auru's tsc rant. Those explain it better.

[darlinboypresley]

Are you lonesome tonight……?

Pairing: Austin x reader

Requested: yes by; @benhardysbaby5 summary: it is 2020 and the covid pandemic just got worse than it already was…. Seeing you are in lockdown and living with your boyfriend who was working on the new Elvis movie and your college being on lock down it could get quite lonesome.

Tw: angst age difference bad mental health mentions covid 19 pandemic and fluff

It was a typical Monday afternoon your last zoom class just ended so now you were. Just starting up dinner seeing your boyfriend Austin could be home from filming any time soon. You weren’t lying if you were being honest the whole pandemic was taking a toll on you.

You couldn’t see your friends nor your parents. unless it was over the phone. You couldn’t go to your classes, and you were stuck at home half the time. And since Austin was filming allot you barely got to see him. and when he was home, he was in his study all the time obsessing over Elvis, so he’d know exactly how to play him. at first you didn’t mind you liked the alone time but after a while it started to get lonesome.

Sometimes you wonder if it would’ve been different if you were closer in age. But you soon snapped out of your thoughts as you heard the door open. You smiled as you watched Austin enter, you’re shared apartment. He put his stuff down in the living room and made his way into the kitchen. “Hi darlin’” he mumbled as he hugged you from behind. Kissing your neck softly.

You giggled and smiled gently before softly asking “hi Aus, how was shooting?” He smiled gently at you before tasting the food. “Ah shit that’s hot” he said probably burning His tongue you giggled and looked at him waiting for an answer. “Filming was good, gotta work on something though so I gotta go do that but I’ll join you later on the couch you can put my food in the microwave.” He said and kissed your cheek before rushing his way upstairs.

Before you could even answer he had already made his way up to his study. You sighed softly and looked down at the food you made. Not even hungry anymore you decided it’d be a good moment to clean the kitchen. You knew he’d be busy with work the minute he got the roll as Elvis. At first you didn’t mind that he was too busy for you.

But when he got the role, your mental health was allot better back then. If you were completely honest to yourself, you weren’t doing so well the lonesome feeling was taking over.  Again, just like back in high school before you met Austin, you sighed softly to yourself and shook the bad thoughts of you. And decided to head upstairs so you could take a long hot bath to clear your thoughts. 

You walked into your shared bedroom and went through your drawers. You grabbed a new pair of underwear before diving into your closet to look for Austin his favorite shirt. You smiled softly to yourself as you found it. You grabbed a towel and headed into the bathroom letting the bath water run putting a bath bomb in that. You probably got for your birthday a while back.

You painted your nails the same color as always, it was red because honestly you didn’t know why you just liked the red. After you painted your nails, you got in the tub and washed your hair. When you finished washing, your hair you sighed softly hugging you’re knees you rested your head on your knees. Legs pulled against your body, you didn’t notice that you were on the verge of tears until that song started playing.

You didn’t even notice that Austin had put music on it was just there all of a sudden. you also weren’t surprised that it was another Elvis record, you didn’t mind though you were raised on the mans music and was proud to say you’re boyfriend was representing him in the new biopic. But my god was it lonesome.

So, when you heard the first few notes of are you lonesome tonight. you couldn’t help but let your tears fall. As the song played in the background Elvis his voice rang trough out your entire house. Your boyfriend singing along to the chorus of the song.

Is your heart filled with pain

Shall I come back again

Tell me dear are you lonesome…tonight…?

At this point you were so lost in thought and sadness that you didn’t even hear the music stopping.  you didn’t hear the footsteps in the hall stopping at the door nor the knock that could be heard on the door but what you did hear was. “y/n?..... y/n baby what’s going on please talk to be dear why are you crying?” Austin’s voice called out to you filled with worry.

You were so lost in your own sadness, in your own pain that you couldn’t even answer your boyfriend. You were to scared that if you told him how you felt that, he’d leave you I mean to be fair he had girls laying at his feet.  And yet here he was all yours and so worried about his baby, his baby having a melt down by herself you didn’t know but he felt as helpless as you at this point.

So here he was pleading you to tell him what was going on trough the door. But he still couldn’t get an answer out of you. So, he plead one last time before he decided to barge in, “y/n baby please open the door darling please I need to know if your okay…”  he plead still only heard more sobs. At this point he decided that he had enough and opened the door.

He looked at you his heartbreaking at the sight of his precious girl. Curled up and crying into her knees. The moment he saw you like this he got in the tub pulling you close. He didn’t even hesitate, he didn’t even care about his clothes. All he cared about was you he kissed your head and buried his face in your hair whispering sweet nothings. “Baby please you gotta calm down, tell me what’s wrong please baby please” he plead.

You finally catched your breath and calmed down as you softly spoke. “I-I’m so lonely Aus… I miss my parents and friends I want to see them, and I…. I know you’re so busy filming and I feel so… so guilty about feeling this way I know your busy and how important this is to you, it’s gonna be your big break trough I know it baby I just…. I feel lonesome” you said voice filled with sadness choking on tears.

Hell, now he realized it… he’s been neglecting you he forgot how lonely you could get during this whole pandemic.  You couldn’t see your friends or family the day lockdown was announced he made sure he had flew you over the day it started to make sure you were by his side. But what he forgot was that you didn’t know anyone here and now it hit him. he was so busy with filming or doing research in his study. he knew that sometimes he could get carried away and spent hours sometimes even days in that room… that he completely forgot about you.

He even snapped at you once de to lack of sleep and food. He took you and your feelings for granted something he had sworn he’d never do but he did… you were in this state because of him and oh boy he had allot to make up to you he couldn’t lose his best girl after all.

He grabbed your face gently and kissed you wiping your tears away. “I’m sorry baby I’m so so so so sorry, I took you for granted I didn’t mean to I swear I’d never neglect my favorite girl like that, I just got so carried away with becoming Elvis I… I forgot about my girl can you forgive me baby please I’ll promise I’ll spend more time with you okay…?” he said on the edge of tears himself now he never meant to hurt you like that you are his world.

You sniffled and looked up at him “you promise? “You said with pleading eyes. No sadness you just needed the reassurance that was all you needed from the start. Austin looked at you and softly pressed his forehead against yours. “I promise baby will you forgive me please “ he whispered giving you a small smile. You smiled and stroked his cheek softly “ye I forgive you baby I could never stay mad at you, you know that” you whispered before pressing your lips to his.

He smiled softly kissing you back as you two stayed like this for a moment. Just enjoying each other’s company before Austin spoke again. “let’s gets changed ye baby… we’ll order your favorite food and ice cream and then we’ll hold a movie marathon hm? How does that sound” he asked and stroked your cheek smiling.

You smiled and nodded your head “that sounds like a great plan baby” you whispered as you pulled him in for another kiss.

And from this moment on he made sure you were never lonesome again….

Hi creator here this is a request by a follower: @benhardysbaby5 I hope you guys like it feedback is always welcome requests are open and pls let me know if I missed triggers or grammar mistakes

New series starting this Sunday