#tw:suicide mentions

[smolvenger]

I’m exhausted, I want to do right, I don’t know what to do, I don’t want anyone to die or suffer or be hurt. I don’t want to lose another person to suicide, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of or bamboozled.. I just I could…have someone just tell me what I need to do or what the compassionate, gentle act is so that no one gets hurt…

[red-man-of-mustache]

I managed to get my old blog back! Last time I contacted Tumblr support they basically shrugged their shoulders like they couldn't/wouldn't do anything. This time it only took ONE message and bam, I have access again. It feels good to go back and reminisce. See a bunch of old ideas I had for Mario and whatnot. I'm gonna get a little feelsy under the cut though, I just wanted to tell someone about this. I won't be going back to it or anything as I've already started over here but it's nice to have possession over it. Two-factor authentication did it's job(a little too well) when I lost that old phone number.

I made that blog when my then girlfriend suggested I do so. Tumblr wasn't even in my sights at the time. I was fresh out of High School and the tumultuous time I spent there was horrific to my general inspiration to write. What I mean is, I began Freshman year full of hope and vigor. I even wanted to write a book. I still have about six or seven chapters of it somewhere in my laptop but I gave up around sophomore year as I was an outcast, dealing with an alcoholic parent, and all around just not having a good run of things IRL. Thusly I moved further and further from certain hobbies I enjoyed, like writing/role-playing.

As stated, I graduated High School in June of 2014 and my girlfriend suggested I make a rp blog for Mario in July of that same year. I thought nothing of it. I made the blog, followed a bunch of people, and sat back for a bit to see how it was done. I learned some of the terminology and then got right to it! To this day it was the most fun I've had just goofing off, making random jokes with people across the fandom, and not having a care in the world to drag me down.

It was an escape.

If any of you were around, you'll know I spoke about follower count a lot back then. That wasn't to brag, rather I was amazed that people would follow my dumb ol' blog whether it be to watch me write or write with me. The concept still amazes me to this day really. I started going to college shortly after, and admittedly I would often be blogging when I should have been doing homework or even in the middle of class. I loved(and still love) what I was doing. I enjoy writing Mario because I grew up with him and I find comfort in his games. Mario represents a part of me that feel as though I've lost touch with in recent years. The bravery, the happy-go-lucky. The optimism.

As I wrote through the years, on and off through to 2018, I met a lot of people and more often than not I'd vanish on these newfound connections because just to be blunt I am horrible at keeping in touch. Absolutely dogshit at it. If I go too long without speaking to someone I just would figure why bother? Then never say anything again. A vicious cycle really if you feel like an outcast because you reinforce those feelings through inaction.

I was in an especially horrible slump the year I lost that blog. I had a job I hated(but paid well) I was smoking constantly to escape the pain, and I was in a very unsavory living situation. From almost every angle I felt suppressed and tumblr was my only escape. But I started letting it affect my time here as well. Another not so glamorous fact about me: I have trouble letting go of things. Paradoxical with what I just mentioned about keeping in touch I know but people, things, experiences, I cling to the good in my life given the trials I've had to endure. So, I contacted support and tried to hash things out. I was turned down and although I felt at the time it wasn't fair I could just pick back up and do as I used to do, for once I resolved to not give up and made this blog here. I still had access through my old phone(the app specifically. That was the only place I was still logged into it on)) it just didn't have service or the phone number assigned to it for me to receive the Two-factor authentication code.

It hurt at the time to archive my old blog and just go about my day but that was a practice in letting go. Sort of. I'm still using the same name, same character, and my method of writing is just a little bit spruced up. But I needed it. I needed to move on because there was just as much pain associated with that blog as there was good times. I needed to grow and move past it. And I did.

Of course, I took an extended hiatus on this blog as well. At the time I was financially in the gutter, emotionally I was volatile and my physical health didn't help either of those things. It's not all bad though. I've made a lot of good progress recently. The past year really. Unfortunately at first, my weed consumption got to the point where I could hardly function in day-to-day life without it and I was simultaneously worse off mentally for it. It almost drove me to suicide. I did attempt it, once. But that was my breaking point. May of last year. I decided I cannot go on this way and I checked myself into a mental hospital.

After a short stay I came out with a new resolve to fix my life and get over the time I wasted burying my feelings in THC. I had quit, after smoking daily from 2015 until then(2023) I stopped cold turkey. That jumpstart being away from it for a week helped a lot. I'll be a year clean in two months. Afterwards I started seeking better job opportunities, even working two jobs at one point to maximize gain. The truck my uncle helped me get had broken down in November and well, I decided that it would take an exorbitant amount to tow and fix it. I took THAT money and went to the dealership, got a used car I loved. First time I've had a car note in my adult life and I was 27 at the time. My mom (who deserves her own post really. She's not been the best person and that's putting it lightly) ended up in the hopsital around that same time for dry bronchitis. Still an alcoholic by the way, but I actually had hope for her. If I could kick my habit then she should be able to as well, right??

Wrong. She got out the hospital and got even worse. I came back home to look after her tentatively for a bit but planned on going back with my roommate afterwards. Her belligerent drunken rants had gotten markedly worse and if I were to guess it was that brush with death. She claims she went to the hospital because she couldn't breath. I wasn't around at the time to get her there but someone luckily was. Fast Forward to the end of January. My mom and I get into an argument. Usually that doesn't happen because I'll either let her speak her piece and move on or I legit just ignore her. But tonight she was trying to get physical with me, a grown man. Throughout my childhood she was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive and always used threats to keep me in line but she realized none of that worked anymore and was especially angry.

She was poking at me, trying to land punches on me and eventually I shoved her away. I tried multiple times to walk away by this point by going to other parts of the house but she would follow me, block my way and again try to get physical. Things simply boiled over. After shoving her she grew angrier and we got into things physically. I didn't hit her the entire time. Not a scratch was on her because(and this isn't my ego talking) I was only trying to control the situation. I mostly pushed her around while she clawed at my face, threw things, and she ended up hitting me with an air fryer. When she did that I called the police.

The police came and saw the two of us. Me bleeding with cuts on my face and her unmarked. They spoke to both of us and took me to the hospital and her as well to get examined. I was able to go home that night. She went to jail.

My brother heard what happened and stole my car that night, but again that's a story for another time.

I'm putting all this out there about me because I returned to rping Mario a little bit after all this happened(January 31-February 1st is when it all went down). I was going through a lot on my old blog but I still chugged along because life has it's ups and downs. That's something Mario would say. This past year I've won more than I lost. I've been getting therapy as well to try and pin down if I have anything going on in the ol' noggin so, really, I'm in a place where I think I can sustain this hobby again. At first it felt like life crushed my optimism and hope for a better future but that was because I let it.

I say all this to say, that I'm glad to be back. I'm glad all of you no matter if we write together everyday or every other day gives me a chance. It warms my heart to write these posts even if I'm not here everyday. Sometimes I get busy, sometimes I don't have the energy but I refuse to give up as I've done in the past. That will never happen again.

So bear with me is all I ask. I wouldn't give this up for the world.

[dross-the-fish]

"You're a fool then, Quincey Harker," Hyde hissed at me, "That serum can't fix what's wrong with Larry Talbot," He withdrew his cane and leaned back, studying me with a curious expression.

"I know it was made with the intent of separating man from his evil nature but that's not what it does and that's not what's wrong with poor Larry in the first place," he elaborated and I must confess, seeing Edward Hyde so grave and quiet was somehow more unnerving than his hideous laughter. It was almost as if he was grieving, an emotion I would not have attributed to someone as vile as he was.

"Didn't it separate you from Dr. Jekyll, though?" I asked, perhaps a little foolishly.

"It did, but not in the way you think, and not for the better," he replied turning away without further explanation.

I watched him go, stunned by the transformation in his character until he called back to me.

"Mr. Harker, if I ever catch you in my things again I will bash your pretty head in and string your teeth for necklace. You hear?!"

"Yes, Sir," I said quickly, instantly reminded who I was speaking to.

"There's a good boy,"

And with that he was gone, leaving me to clean up the mess he'd made of my room.

......

Continuation of a previous post x

Colorized

This AU takes place 20 or so odd years after the events of Jekyll and Hyde and while Hyde survived their suicide attempt Jekyll seemingly did not.

Hyde has.... a lot of feelings about that, not that he's going to be unpacking them any time soon.

[hitoshisbf]

So ya'll

I'm gonna fucking end up relapsing into some ehavy self harm and I'm tired of existing so I'll prob be MIA for a bit.

Situation is,

I can't pay for my phone.

My whole family is turning against me.

If I put up a gofundme it could fuck my ssi.

i DONT HAVE A CLUE WHEN I CAN START WORKING!!! NOTHING HAS BEEN SAID!!!

MY MOM IS LEGIT THREATENINT OTAKE MY PHONE OFF THE PLAN!!!

SO I'D NEED TO RESTART A NEW PLAN NEXT MONT HFOR A HUNDRED+ DOLLARS!!

WE'RE HAVING A GR8 TIME YA'LL.

[orchid-151]

🚫what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

Anyone you feel like answering for~

There is a trigger warning below do you two mentions of suicide... But this is for a fictional character...

For Mason, that would be his deal with a higher being to 'basically' reset the timeline to save someone he met only the day before. He feels like a coward in doing so and wonders how life would continue if he didn't take the deal.... If he could have lived if he let her die...

TW: suicide mention... (Finally mentioning this, this will be the only mention of this one scar...)

For Jay, when he was very young... He was considering taking his own life due to his father's disappointment in him... Smith walked in on him as he did it and was able to stop the bleeding right after Jay cut himself. Smith called for Jay's mom and she showed that for a nitwit villager, she knew more than she let on... This was the only time Jay attempted this and has never tried again, always taking on a smile learning that life is too short to focus on what others say about you especially if you don't really care about that person (Jay was never fond of his father in the first place)... However, all his other scars he has are accidents of him attempting to either fly, run from wolves, or in general being a klutz... This is the only self inflicted scar he really regrets...

For Smith, it was not seeing the signs sooner... He could have prevented that from happening if he just knew...

And finally... Orchid.

For some reason... Golden carrots, glistening melons, and golden apples seem to have an opposite effect on her... Rather than healing her they make her incredibly sick... Golden carrots adding the effect of blindness instead of enhanced vision/night vision. All of these items that she creates actually have additional benefits for others but if she were to take them she would be greatly ill... Which means taking God apples could literally utterly possibly KILL her...

She believes it might (more than likely) be a gold allergy but she can touch fine gold without having any side effects.... Luckily potions do not have the same effect and she can use potions of healing to cure lots of ailments...

But just because she cannot take God Apples to heal herself, does not mean she can't share them with others...

And you thought I was going to say "Orchid does not want people to know she can make God Apples." Didn't ya...

[sapphia]

gonna be that female representation those suicide stats are missing 🙌💃💄🏆

[laws-of-fandom]

Thought dumping about Vash and Knives

Knives and Vash are a really great example of how the same traumatic event can wildly affect the individuals in different ways. in trimax it is shown that at first the reactions seemed reversed, Vash hating humans, so much so that he goes so far as attempting suicide, while knives repressed it and continued to love humans after he came out of his coma. Vash’s feelings changed when he harmed Rem, he had a moment of satisfaction and then revulsion, as it has been shown he can feel other peoples pain. I don’t think Knives has that same ability, which might be why later when he did remember and started to go down the path of genocide he never could come back from it, he would never feel the pain of others in the same way vash does. which also might be why vash can help dying plants, like i believe his ability with the plants comes from the fact his gate works both ways which i think is a result of his near unending empathy and understanding, or maybe the way his ability works is why he is the way he is.

[thekristen999]

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling overwhelmed a lot. With all of the seemingly extraordinary events going on around us, this came up in my recent reading. It seems so much at the center of what perhaps we are all experiencing, that I wanted to share this excerpt.

...

You Are Not Alone -Jack Kornfield Every life is filled with change and insecurity, and every life includes loss and suffering and difficulties. When we encounter difficult times in our lives, often our initial strategy is to simply run away. But we find that our troubles follow us. Paradoxically, one of the best ways to heal is to turn toward that which is injured within us. It is important to remember that the healing journey is not always about overcoming the difficulties we’re experiencing or about getting well, at least not completely. We all have the capacity to heal, but we have to discover what form that healing is to take. One of the most difficult things about hard times is that we often feel that we are going through them alone. But we are not alone. In fact, your life itself is only possible because of the thousands of generations before you, survivors who have carried the lamp of humanity through difficult times from one generation to another. Feel yourself as part of the stream of humanity walking together, finding ways to carry the lamp of wisdom and courage and compassion through difficult times. Several years ago I was giving a talk on compassion with Pema Chödrön in a large hall in San Francisco filled with at least 3,000 participants. At one point a young woman stood up and spoke in the most raw and painful way about her partner’s suicide several weeks before. She was experiencing a gamut of complex emotions, such as agonizing grief and confusion, guilt and anger, loss and fear. Pema had her hold it all in compassion. As I listened to her I could also feel her loneliness, and so I asked the group when she finished, “How many of you in this room have experienced the suicide of someone in your family, or someone really close to you?” More than 200 people stood up. I asked her to look around the room at the eyes of those who had gone through a similar tragedy and survived. As they gazed at one another, everyone in the room could feel the presence of true compassion, as if we were in a great temple. We all felt the suffering that is part of our humanity, and part of the mystery that we share. If you have lost money or faith, when you are sick or a family member is suffering from illness or addiction, even when a child is in jeopardy, you are not alone. You are sharing in the inevitable trouble of human incarnation. On this very day, hundreds of thousands of others are also dealing with loss of money, a new diagnosis, or holding their sick child. Breathe with them and hold their pain mindfully with yours, sharing in your heart a spirit of courage and compassion. For thousands of generations we humans have survived hard times. We know how to do this. And when we sense our connection, we help each other. Two women in nearby towns in northern Canada were forced to venture out on a fierce winter night. One was taking her pregnant daughter to the hospital; the other was driving to take care of her ill father. They made their way along the same road from opposite directions, through hurricane winds and pelting snow. Suddenly each was stopped on opposite sides of a huge fallen tree that blocked the road. It took them only a few minutes to share their stories, exchange car keys, and set forth in each other’s cars to complete their journeys. As you open beyond the self, you realize that others are part of your extended family. Sylvia Boorstein, a colleague and wisdom holder, tells how in Jewish synagogues there is a yearly memorial service for the survivors of relatives whose death dates are unknown—men and women who died in the Holocaust or are buried in unknown graves. Many people will stand for the Mourner’s Kaddish prayer. In temple on this day, Sylvia writes, “I looked at the people standing and thought ‘Can all these people be direct survivors?’ Then I realized we all are, and I stood up too.” “We are not separate, we are interdependent,” declared the Buddha. Even the most independent human being was once a helpless infant cared for by others. With each breath we interbreathe carbon dioxide and oxygen with the maple and oak, the dogwood and redwood trees of our biosphere. Our daily nourishment joins us with the rhythms of bees, caterpillars, and rhizomes; it connects our body with the collaborative dance of myriad species of plants and animals. Nothing is separate. Unless we understand this, we are split between caring for ourselves or caring for the troubles of the world. “I arise in the morning,” wrote essayist E. B. White, “torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it.” A psychology of interdependence helps to solve this dilemma. Through the loving awareness of mindfulness and meditation we discover that the duality of inner and outer is false. We can hold all the beauty and the pain of life in our heart and breathe together with courage and compassion. Excerpt from [book]: A Lamp in the Darkness: Illuminating the Path Through Difficult Times

[dayzedandconphused]

c l o s e d : @rafaeleliad

The office wasn’t Phoebe’s preferred place to be on a Friday morning, but it was quite literally her job. Yes, there was no need to even have a job with the money her family allowed her, but she figured what was the point of going all the way to the other side of the world if she didn’t at least pretend for her father’s sake that she was doing something with her degree. Thankfully a business degree meant she could slip into anything with the prefix ‘executive’ and her father’s questions would be at silenced for at least a few months. Little did Phoebe know she would actually be good at the job, so much so that she now held down two rather important positions as an executive assistant for both Rafael and Theodore. 

Her thin fingers danced against the keys of her laptop, sharpened acrylic nails clicking in an almost-obnoxious way as she replied to the many emails that had come through after she’d left (early) the day before. Her patience was already thin, having been forced to wait at the coffee shop for her daily coffee run on her way into the office due to a rather chatty barista who insisted on writing affirmations on the cups of each coffee ordered, so when a rather long winded email came past her vision from a particularly old and frustrating client, Phoebe knew she was moments from an outburst. 

Unplugging her laptop, she slipped out of the swivelling office chair and grabbed the coffee with Rafael’s initials on it, making her way into his office without bothering to knock. She placed the cup down on his desk within his grasp, lent herself against the corner of his desk and spoke before he could,  "Rafael, if all I'm meant to do today again is reply to this moron's emails I might just climb to the top of the eye and toss myself off it. Make Luke or someone do this, I can’t handle again without actually speaking my mind.” 

[cloudofbutterflies92]

Hi! 🤍

BACKGROUND

6, 12

Thank you so much darling for the questions, I'll answer you immediately💕💕

TW: Suicide mention

Background

6)If I had to describe Eden's childhood I would say very sad. Apart from her father Andrew and her grandmother Helen living with an alcoholic mother who hated her led her to hate herself so much that by the age of 8 she was already suicidal. However, with time she tried to become stronger and face her inner demons.

12)The biggest lesson I think she learned as she grew up is that she doesn't have to keep anything inside, that anyway her friends and Ghost are always there for her. And that still love can also heal.

[thorinsbeard]

Retail Hell Story

Oh look another retail hell story from me. This one is upsetting me that is why I post about it, to process it. But there is another trans coworker. And a man walked past them and told them to kill them self in our store. So they obviously came to us on checkout upset, because of course they were. But we all defended the coworker and said the person is horrible and that is wrong/messed up. Honestly why can people not just be kind.

Also I

a) a bag of bean bags exploded on me and b) I also broke the closed sign on the checkout too.

[iconographic-propaganda]

"DIE YOUNG"

Isn't it funny how many of the streets you see on the news look the same?

You've seen the street corners, the traffic lights, the big-box stores… And you see what they've made of them.

Liquor advertisements, Threats of hell, Gambling- that new soda flavor, "Join the Military."

And you drive back home, flick on the T.V- Liquor Advertisements, threats of hell, gambling- "Join the Military."

And you see that same street corner, lit by a flurry of lights, decorated in blood with an orchestra of screams.

12 weeks paid vacation, National Tragedy.

You drive past the streets, same as the news- Liquor advertisements, Threats of hell, "Join the Military."

How long has it been?

You drive home, the same ads repeat: Liquor, Gambling- Hell and soda, "Join the Military." You watch the T.V: Liquor, Gambling, Hell and Soda, "Join the Military." The street's still covered in blood.

[earako]

Drabble so brain can settle down

-/-

"Bah, you're even more like Seba now."

"Sir?" Larten asked, curiously glancing at Evanna's father. While he still held a strong dislike towards the small man he owed him his life...not thay Mr.Tiny every brought it up again.

"You were more fun when you were suicidal."

Larten's breath froze.

It wasn't the first time Mr.Tiny had made that comment. The few times Larten had bumped into the smaller man Mr.Tiny would complain about Larten no longer being an amusing act to watch.

The first time he said that, Larten had just brushed him off. If pressed for more information he's snap at whoever asked to mind their own business.

Gavner already knew. And when pressed for more a quick click of his tongue got the yoing man to drop it.

It did not work on Darren, though, stubborn boy.

From the expression on his assistants face Larten knew the boy heard.

He really did not want to have this talk with Darren.

"Mr.Crepsley..."

"It is neither the appropriate time, nor place. Disregard what you have just heard."

Mr.Tiny smirked at him.

Larten glared.

"The boy won't stay innocent for long, Larten. Gavner didn't."

"Gavner is not like Darren, and vice versa. Now I believe you came to talk with Mr.Tall?"

Mr.Tiny just laughed before leaving to go find the owner of the Cirque du Freak.

Student and mentor waited for him to leave before breaking the silence.

"...What did he mean by that, Mr.Crepsley?"

"It is an event long passed, there is no use dwelling on it."

"Mr.C-"

"Darren!" Larten snapped, causing the boy to jump. Darren braced himslef for a lecture when, to his surprise, his mentor's face softened.

"Please. Drop it."

Darren nodded.

If it was bad enough to make Mr.Crepsley say please...

[dross-the-fish]

What are Adam’s thoughts concerning Victor by the time your AU takes place? Why didn’t he kill himself in the Arctic?

Oh, Adam tried to kill himself, it just didn't work (Adam is very difficult to kill in my story) and the second time he tried he lost his nerve because he realized it wasn't likey he'd manage something quick or painless.

By the time Adam reached the au he deeply regretted his actions and realized revenge had not satisfied him. He was also bitter over Victor’s death because it meant he was truly alone. In some way tormenting Victor had given him purpose and a broken, twisted connection to someone based on hatred was better than being totally alone. He mourns Victor and even 100 years later wonders if the outcome could have been different.

[hitoshisbf]

Man so.

May 13th 2019 I tried to end my life.

I found tweets on my old twit.

I had taken 4-5 days worth of medication w/ alcohol.

was at a BIG point in my ED.

It's amazing to see my progress of 4 years looking back. Thank the stars I'm still here. I'm so proud of myself. For being in recovery from self harm and an ED. I haven't really tried to end my life since, and it's been WAY worse than back then. I'm proud of myself.

This is YOUR post to remind yourself you CAN GROW.

AND YOU WILL. Stay here w/ us. If you're thinking of ending your life tonight this is your message to say THINGS GET BETTER.

I moved out, stop self harming and I'm in RECOVERY for anorexia.

I am clean of over 2 years for an ED and ED behaviors.

YOU CAN GET BETTER.

The thoughts STAY they FLUTTER ABOUT.

THEY DON'T EVER 100000% LEAVE I'M NOT EVER SAYING THEY WILL. BUT IT /GETS BETTER/.

This was my fucking wake up call.

My proof I'VE GROWN

IT GETS BETTER. DON'T FUCKING GIVE UP.

[imabee-oralizard]

Okay so “redeemer” PALAYE ROYALE

I feel like this song is about Remington when his mental health was really bad (when he wrote the song)

And any time I listen to it I just imagine like a super angst fic where he’s about to kill himself and he’s calling people and he finally calls reader and they pick up and are like running to Remington and freaking out because they love him and need to help

Maybe like for some reason they don’t know where he is but idk 🤷🏼‍♀️