#tweeting your drafts as self-care

[goingbuggy]

Shanks' Savior Complex

A few months ago, I posted a joke tweet about Shanks’ savior complex and Buggy’s inferiority complex. While Buggy’s feelings of inadequacy are pretty obvious in the source material, Shanks is constantly evading serious analysis because of how little he appears in the manga and how nebulous those few appearances are. So, naturally, I was met with a lot of confusion. (What do you mean by ‘savior complex?’ Why Shanks specifically?) I thought I’d address all that now in one comprehensive, all-inclusive post.

Before I dive in, please note just a few things:

A SAVIOR COMPLEX is a pattern of unconscious behaviors. It is associated most often with self-sacrificial people – those who help others even at the cost of their own personal well-being, mental or physical.

Within the field of psychology, ‘complexes’ are just constructs. My goal is not to diagnose. Rather, this post is a conceptual analysis using the idea of a “savior complex” to better explore Shanks as a character.

Now that all that’s out of the way, let me begin!

For a character who is so significant in the grand scheme, Shanks is remarkably absent for the better part of One Piece. Really. He is so nonexistent, actually, that the first chapter of the manga is probably the most we’ve ever seen from him uninterrupted. This is for good reason, though; Shanks is the catalyst for Luffy’s entire journey. He owes a lot to Shanks: his devil fruit, his life, and even his dream, to an extent. Luffy learned a lot about being a captain from Shanks, and much of his advice – like picking and choosing your battles, for example – Luffy puts to good use later down the line.

So, considering his role as Luffy’s mentor, it’s fitting that Shanks’ character is defined by RESPONSIBILITY. He’s goofy, sure, but don’t let that devil-may-care attitude fool you – Shanks is a knowledgeable pirate, grounded by the weight he carries. His dialogue and actions throughout the first chapter reflect this. When Luffy demands to be taken out to sea, Shanks refuses, claiming he is too young. While the rest of his crew wax poetic about the freedom and joy of being a pirate, Shanks is the one bringing them back down to reality, telling them not to fill Luffy’s head with “crazy ideas.”

Those who know him best seem to agree. “The captain’s just doing what’s best for everyone,” Beckman states. “The safety of the entire crew and ship rests on his shoulders.”

Although Shanks is realistic, he is not a pessimist, and he certainly still values dreams. Let’s not forget: Shanks entrusted Luffy with Roger’s hat. Not only that, he asks Luffy to give it back when Luffy has become a great pirate – not if. Of course Shanks has hope for the future and the new generation. He's just also experienced enough to know the dangers and horrors of the current world, and curbs his own expectations as a result. Yet again, Beckman reinforces this when he talks to Luffy.

The future needs a strong foundation. Anything is possible, including what Luffy wants to achieve, but there are necessary sacrifices to make dreams a reality.

I believe Shanks sees himself as one of those necessary sacrifices.

Oda may not have envisioned Shanks losing an arm in the original draft of the story, but this decision sets a precedent going forward, for both Shanks as a character and the series at large. Sacrifice is at the core of One Piece’s identity; previously, I’ve discussed its emotional significance as an act of love. But sacrifice also serves as the foundation for the new generation. Corazón’s sacrifice, for example, enabled Law to outlive him and change the future. Toki and Oden’s sacrifices enabled their children and the Nine Red Scabbards to change the future. Queen Otohime, Fisher Tiger, Shimotsuki Yasuie… although these characters died without ever seeing the future they hoped for, their sacrifices are the foundation upon which their successors enact change.

And who do we also see facilitating the changing world, ensuring the “new age” succeeds?

Shanks.

Whenever Shanks reappears in the manga, it is usually on the precipice of a dangerous conflict, or at exactly the perfect moment to intervene in said conflict. Take Shanks visiting Whitebeard, for example; here, he attempts to navigate the growing tension between Ace and Blackbeard, which eventually results in the war at Marineford. Although he fails at convincing Whitebeard to stop Ace’s revenge quest, it’s clear that Shanks has a vested interest in balancing the current forces at play, including marines and pirates.

At Marineford, not only does Shanks intervene to stop the war, but he saves Koby, a member of the new generation who will undoubtedly change the future on the marines' side of things. His words also reflect my point about sacrifice as a foundation for change. As he stops Akainu, he praises Koby for putting his life on the line: “The seconds of courage you bet your life on creating, for good or bad, have just now greatly changed the fate of the world!”

This aspect of his character remains consistent in Film Red, too. Even though he has grown to love Uta as a daughter, Shanks still encourages her to stay behind because her singing brings happiness to a world where "peace and equality don't exist." Afterwards, when Uta causes the massacre on Elegia, Shanks shoulders all the blame, effectively hiding the truth to protect her. He sacrifices his own connection with his daughter for what he believes is the greater good. Note that Shanks’ own personal feelings on that decision are never explored or discussed; obviously, Shanks loved his daughter, and it's safe to assume he didn't want to leave her. But he set aside his own happiness and made the hard choice anyway. (Sound familiar? The "savior complex" alarm bells should be ringing in your head.)

Even as an emperor, Shanks sacrifices his own strength, influence, and reputation. His fleet is “notoriously weak.” The pirates within it even admit that they never would have survived this long without Shanks protecting them. This fleet is another responsibility weighing Shanks down, and yet he takes on that burden anyway for their sake. 

We don’t have the full context behind Shanks’ decision at Loguetown either, but it’s likely that his refusal to go Laughtale right away ties back to responsibility, too. We know whatever Roger said to Shanks the day their crew disbanded rendered him to tears. (Did Roger’s answer to his question change his mind?) We also know he regards Luffy as Roger’s successor, and claims Luffy acts just like he did as a kid. (Shanks "crowning" Luffy with Roger's hat also parallels Shanks' moment with Roger visually, placing them in similar roles.)

Given this, it’s possible that Shanks believed he could take on Roger’s legacy, but later realized he would not be the one to change the world. Roger might have even tasked him with finding the “true” successor, who will “turn the world upside down.” (Shanks’ fixation with the “new age” would also make sense in that case.) This is all speculation, but I thought I’d throw it out there anyway, because if this were true, Shanks would have sacrificed his own dream for the sake of the world. (Very fitting!)

But how does Shanks feel about his role in the bigger picture? The short answer: we don’t know, and I think that’s purposeful. Oda consistently draws Shanks looking wistful and resigned when it comes to his choices; although he has severed relationships and damaged his body, not once has he expressed resentment, anger, or sorrow. In fact, he's usually smiling.

Shanks also has his own monologue where he discusses the act of crying.

If you apply his advice to his own character journey, it raises a lot of questions. Does Shanks view his current sacrificial actions as “overcoming” his own tears from back then? Is that why we so rarely see him cry now? Considering how reserved Shanks is in expressing negative emotions, I think it’s possible. His emotional restraint could also be seen as “saving face” for the sake of others – something I’ve discussed before. That is my own interpretation, though, so take it with a grain of salt. 

Speculation aside, Shanks has shown time and time again that he prioritizes the future over his own life. His dedication to/fixation with the "new age," his role as a mentor, how he believes in putting his life on the line and "overcoming" negative emotions... these indicate a pattern of behaviors seen in those with savior complexes. Even if it's at the cost of his own mental/physical well-being, Shanks plans to facilitate the world as Luffy changes it.

Is the "new age" his dream, or did he sacrifice his real dream for the sake of the new age? Does that dream even matter to him, anymore? The reasoning for Shanks' motives is still unknown, but the answer must lie in whatever mysterious question he asked Roger – otherwise, why hide the context for his massive turnabout at Loguetown? Once the curtain is drawn back on that moment, I think we will begin to see Shanks in a new light.

[reasoningdaily]

No One Cared About Jordan Neely's Life. They Just Want to Use His Death | Opinion

1

One thing I've learned as an adult is that people who actually care about someone don't let them continually fail. Instead, they address that person's problems head-on, because people who care actually want you to succeed, and success often requires course correction.

Progressives are currently beset by a sick reversal of that, where no one is willing to address the root problems of the people they claim to care about, because the people who are failing in our society are more suitable as political pawns and social commodities to exploit for attention and donations.

Instead of addressing real problems like mental illness, violence, crime, and homelessness, progressives are normalizing these things, gaslighting people who call them out as unacceptable, and denouncing any attempts to truly rectify the problems that have our cities in a stranglehold. And they do it all in the name of compassion.

Ka'Chava [The Gold-Standard of Health Shakes] The Gold-Standard of Health Shakes

This phenomenon has been on full display in the Left's response to the sad killing of Jordan Neely this week. Neely was a homeless man with a long history of arrests who was suffering from extreme mental illness. Neely tragically died while being restrained in a chokehold by a passenger on the subway after Neely was aggressively screaming at passengers, per witnesses.

The story is horribly sad. Everyone seems to have failed Jordan Neely, as well as everyone in that subway car with him. But the incident has brought out the gross hypocrisy of those who claim to care about the indigent, with a detail to satisfy every political appetite.

Jordan is a Black man who was killed via chokehold by a white man, so let's bring out the term "lynching," because it'll always elicit racial animosity. If the racial angle doesn't work for you, you can always use Jordan's death to show the world how much of a do-gooder you are by exclaiming how the "unhoused" have a right to scream as much they want in an enclosed space. You get to wag your finger at the three men who refused to participate in the New York City tradition of keeping your head down, pretending these people don't exist, and praying that you don't become their target. And you get to accuse those who don't decry those men loudly enough of condoning murder.

Let's be real: These people don't care about the homeless. The upper-class city dwellers of New York treat homeless people like bears in the wild: Don't make eye contact with them and they won't bother you. When this strategy doesn't work, they gaslight you into accepting rampant squalor as not only normal but progress! And when you vocalize your guttural displeasure with watching people live in filth and desperation, the self-appointed homeless-whisperers will manipulate you into believing this is just what city life is supposed to look like.

They do everything to avoid addressing the issue and helping people recover a normal life. And in so doing, they entrench the problems—all while posturing as white knights.

New Yorkers are supposed to just accept that New York's Penn Station looks like a scene from "The Walking Dead." Wanting to do something other than accept the status quo of submitting an entire train station to drug addiction and suffering makes you intolerant, per the Left.

Progressive politicians like Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Rep. Jamaal Bowman will fire off a tweet about "another Black man dying" or complain about rising rents, but it's just a precursor to drafting up a new round of donor emails, much like after the death of Tyre Nichols.

You know what they say: Never let a crisis go to waste.

Never mind that Ocasio-Cortez and Bowman could actually do something about homelessness in New York. It's actually their job!

But to do something, they would have to actually care. And you know they don't care because they don't act, and anyone who suggests they should is cast as a heartless bigot.

Everyone is debating when someone can or can't use a chokehold. But no one is willing to ask why Neely was on the streets in the first place. The Left's supposedly compassionate approach of letting the homeless just exist means not ever really contemplating what we've let this city become. We've been trained to not look at the homeless as people but as inconvenient rats whom we need to quickly scurry past. They didn't just one day wake up at the feet of your subway station's stairs, but no one cares how they ended up at the bottom—as long as their bottom doesn't interfere with their walking path.

If any of these protesting progressives cared about Jordan Neely, they would care to understand his declining mental health after his mother was murdered and stuffed into a suitcase by his stepfather when he was 18 years old. They would attempt to empathize with the trauma of having to take the stand against the man with whom he shared a home with and comprehend how his own stepfather took the most important woman in his life from him forever.

The man who went through that needed help. He needed an intervention from the state.

Instead of admitting this, they brandish videos of Neely dancing like Michael Jackson in subway stations, as if this activity is a sign of success and happiness, not desperation and struggle.

Would you tell your highly talented friend that dancing in the subway will get them far? Of course not—but it's suitable for Neely because they don't really care.

If you want to know if someone cares, they'll be honest about what is happening around them and want realistic change. They won't pretend that everything is fine. They won't work extraordinarily hard to convince you that depravity is normality.

But I don't think most people actually care about Jordan Neely's life. They just care about what his death can do for them.

Adam B. Coleman is the author of "Black Victim To Black Victor" and writer on Substack at adambcoleman.substack.com.

The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

Jordan Neely's Criminal Record: Man Killed on Subway Had 42 Prior Arrests

Jordan Neely's Killing Is the Predictable Result of Dehumanizing and Despising the Homeless | Opinion

Who Killed Jordan Neely? Police Silence Over Former Marine Raises Questions

[bambiraptorx]

🎱🕯️📚🎨

🎱 post your AO3 total stats 

Total Word Count: 161,237

🕯️on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Hm, maybe a 6 or a 7? It's definitely usually easier for me than writing the rough draft lol.

🎨link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

Probably this one, of my more recent (ish) stuff. Honestly it was mostly experimental and the lighting wasn't quite what I wanted, but I drew an entire violin for this piece lol. I was pretty proud of that.

📚 post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

This might get a little spicy but I'm gonna be real here. I know that a lot of people like the comic design for Big Mama's Assistant (and I've seen some well-done fanart to be sure), but I really don't care for the way that people are defending it.

(read more cause this got ranty and is generally negative lol)

One of the most annoying responses that I've seen to her design (and a common defense) is people saying something along the lines of: "Oh but it makes perfect sense that she'd wear makeup, because Big Mama does!"

First of all, not all girls whose mothers wear makeup are going to wear makeup too. Second of all, that's technically based on an assumption with no grounding in canon, which is that Big Mama is a mother figure to her assistant at all. Their interactions in the show itself are all strictly professional, and while the idea of Big Mama being an adoptive parent to her assistant is definitely an interesting one to explore, it is not canon. (And no, I don't count any tweets Ron Corcillo might have made about this topic as canon lol.)

Honestly, a lot of the defenses for her wearing makeup that I've seen are less about why she might wear it (especially given that she literally wears a mask over it so it's not like people can actually see it) and seem to more carry a tone of "but girls wearing makeup is normal so I don't see what the issue is!"

And that is... exactly the problem. As of the comic Big Mama's assistant has essentially been confirmed as the only female sibling, and her design heavily reflects that. So heavily. It's like getting hit in the face with "She Is A Girl With Makeup On So You Can Tell She's A Girl!!!!"

Now, don't get me wrong, there's plenty of interesting reasons for why she might be wearing makeup. The thing is, I haven't seen any of the people who actually like her design give any of those reasons. If you want the reason for her wearing makeup to be "it's a form of self-expression that she does for herself, even knowing it won't be seen", for example, say that. If you want it to be "she exists in an environment where business professional is expected of her and that includes makeup (which implies that she's seen without the mask on at least some of the time)", then say that. If I can come up with these and half a dozen more explanations, then could the people who actually like the design come up with more than "Well Big Mama wears it so her assistant does too."

Really, it feels like what I've seen could be boiled down to "She's a girl and girls wear makeup so it's fine". And the fact that there's people who don't see an issue with it and even defend it, without thinking any deeper? It seriously rubs me the wrong way.

And like, look, I'm not trying to police what designs people can and cannot like. I just wish the defenses for it were more thought out, you know? If people can put the time into making fanart surely they can put the time into coming up with a good explanation for why the design is Like That even when her face is meant to be covered by a mask.

Rant over lol, it's gone on too long as it is.

ask game

[kalisbaby]

Re: that last reblog: while I haven't seen that post myself (because I haven't scrolled their blog for any updates yet and that's only IF they haven't already deleted it), this is why I'm very careful of what I reblog.

Like about Palestine but also in general. I'm not perfect, so something might get through the cracks, but I often draft long posts and articles to read before reblogging. I try to skim commentary for dog whistles and subtle languages that might otherwise fly under the radar. I try damn hard to make sure the information I'm sharing, mostly for my own understanding, is reliable and, at the very, very least, doesn't have some hidden agenda or language that can harm the movement because all you need is an inch; and not everybody who says they're on your side is. Lord knows that to be true.

I still think about how many white people were destroying buildings and causing mayhem against the wishes of organizers and protestors who would be subject to violence and held responsible because of it. Like I legit remember seeing video of some influencer getting all dolled up and holding up a BLM sign while standing in the side of a protest and taking pics for the 'gram.

There are a lot of self serving, cruel, and vicious people who leech onto movements for a plethora of reasons and none of the good; none of them helpful. So yeah we all owe it to ourselves to be smart and use our brains more.

But also, if you're gonna screenshot shit, include sources as well. Like link the tweet or the full article. I can search the thread myself but like, you also gotta do your part as well. ESPECIALLY if you're the one sharing the info in the first place. That's bare minimum.

[naoyafacts]

On dreams: “i don’t have good or bad dreams. i experience sleep as a long, formless stream of formidable, unbroken thought. my nightmares have PhD’s, my daydreams have personal assistants, and my insomnia owns land in the Turks & Caicos”

[dreamcatcherrs]

dating a faceless streamer/youtuber; mcyt x reader

+ this was a request, but it got deleted in my drafts ;-; sorry!

dream:

since he is also a faceless youtuber

he’s very understanding of keeping your privacy

and whatever reason you have to not reveal your face, he respects it

he knows what it’s like to have people tell him to face reveal

sometimes his voice will just appear in the back of your streams/videos

like in sapnap’s with the question about one direction

and chat is like, how long has he been here?????

the two of you would hint at a face reveal

and then after weeks brush it off like it was nothing

because you like to torture the fans, I guess🙄

because dream never has a face cam on

he has the perfect seat for you on his lap whenever he streams/films

and the same thing goes for when you film/stream; he’ll be sitting right next to you with his hand in yours or on your thigh

you’re known as the faceless couple

georgenotfound:

it really doesn't bother him at all that you’re a faceless streamer/youtuber

I don't see him as the type to post a whole lot of pictures with his s/o anyways

or something along those lines

so it wouldn't make a big difference to him

would just think it was funny to tease chat about knowing what you look like, when they don't

and then having them just hear you voice in the background of his videos sometimes

but not actually seeing you

he kinda likes that your relationship is more concealed

and that it’s harder for people to come at you when they don't know what you look like exactly, just because he’s dating you

because that would honestly be his biggest worry when revealing your relationship

so he’s happy that’s one less worry :)

sapnap:

does everything to not get people to beg for a face reveal

he doesn't want people to put that kind of pressure on you

especially if they go after you for it just because you're dating him

like, he will make a video about it if he has to

or tweet about it

the last thing he wants is for the fake fans to try and reveal your face or other things about you

when clearly that’s what you wanna keep private

that being said, he’d do so many streams with you

wether it’s gong against each other, or being on the same team

you always have so much fun together

even if you're literally in the same room together

if his face cam is on, he’d look over at you every now and then and send you a smile or some shit like that

there’s some pretty cute moments - expect a compilation

badboyhalo:

bad would be really proud to have an s/o who did youtube/streamed

and he would for sure help you out if you ever needed him to!

like with coding

or just general growth in your channel

wouldn't really care if you showed your face or not - whatever you're happy with makes him happy

he would just make sure that you never felt pressured to show your face

he knows people out there can be meanies

and come for you just because you don't show your face

and he’d always be there to talk to about it if it ever stressed you out

he would also make sure that you didn't hide your face because you didn’t like it or something like that

and if that was the case, you bet he’d be reassuring you

calling your all kinds of sweet things and show you lots of love

he takes lots of pictures of his two favourite girls

you and rat, of course (without showing your face, obviously)

technoblade:

he actually really likes that you're a faceless streamer/youtuber

like, he doesn't notice how much he likes it

before he realises all of the times you'd sneaked some hand-holding while streaming, or shared little kisses when on mute wouldn't have been possible if you both didn't show your faces

you’d share these secret glances when streaming/filming together

and no one would even know about it

sometimes his chat hears a little talking in the background from you

but techno just brushes it off like you weren't sitting right next to him the entire time

and vice versa

he also just stays with you when you're working

sharing small touches and words

chat also notice eventually how much you gush over each other without noticing

it happens A LOT more than you realise

especially from his side🤭

wilbur soot:

okay so

I think wilbur would have a hard time not showing you off to stream every second of the day

he would just always talk about you and want you there with him in his streams

and miss your touch after 5 minutes of being apart

but would be totally respectful of you wanting to remain faceless

he would just talk to you from an angle where chat couldnt see you

but yeah, he loves that you do the same type of job as him

and most of all, you motivate each other on days where you can't be bothered to even get out of bed

you’re definitely that couple that everyone makes cute compilations of

and that everyone strives to be

chat loves you, what more can I say

corpse husband:

ANOTHER FACELESS COUPLE

the power you two hold over everyone is actually immaculate

you stream/film together all the time

just having fun and being yourselves

he would definitely ask if you could join the games he plays with others when streaming

and if that wasn't possible, he’d just get you to come into his room and be part of it that way

he teases you a lot on stream

both cutely and mischievously

and your viewers are like👀

while his chat is just going crazy

you share lots of giggles

like, seriously, the majority of the videos/streams consists of you two laughing your asses off

you two will forever be known as the faceless couple

even if you both face reveal, that’ll always be your title

skeppy:

zak will find a way to show you off no matter what

he just can't resist

the way his heart is always beating out of his chest because of you is just too much for him to not ever show you to the world

but of course with your consent only

he wouldn't ever pressure you or anything

but since you're only remaining faceless

you can expect LOTS of matching outfit pictures taken in the mirror

and just lots of pictures of you in general

with your face blocked out or not in view, of course

you'd always be helping each other with your setups or videos

and he’d want to introduce you to literally everyone he knows

especially bad

you don't necessarily stream/film a lot with each other

but you're always in each others’ company in some shape or form

he always mentions you in his streams

just small stories or conversations

chat can tell he’s head over heels for you

karl jacobs:

he's the most support person everrr

he’d always be celebrating even the tiniest achievements with you

you hit 2k subs? he’ll treat you to an expensive ass dinner

you hit 1 million subs? he’ll buy you a whole room full of filming gear to improve from your previous ones

you managed to finish that one video you've been struggling with? he takes you on a weekend trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go

he’ll beg you to join him in is streams

just so he can hold your hand :)

or laugh with you every once in a while

he doesn't need you to face reveal at all

your company is all that matters to him when it includes the rest of the world

I mean, he’s the one able to see your beautiful face all the time, so he can't really complain even if he felt like it

always tweets about you or tweets things at you that only you two understand

and everyone is like ?????

but you don't care :)

fundy:

fundy actually doesn't talk a lot about you in his streams or videos

mostly to avoid people leaving bad light on you in the chat

unless he’s in the same game as you, of course

which in that case, the first thing he’d want to do is find you and talk to you in the game

he’s very respectful of you keeping your face private

and tries his best to keep the pressure of a face reveal off your shoulders

especially if it’s happening in his or your comments

if it gets really bad, he’ll eventually talk about it on twitter or something like that

does tiktoks with you

only with your voice though

and posts manyyy pictures where you’re tagged, but only slightly in view

he doesn't really care about your face being a secret

as long as he gets to see it, he’s happy

quackity:

alex has so much fun making videos or going live with you

and obviously you have the best collabs

you’re the funniest couple on the platform and it shows

he would talk so much about you - like, telling embarrassing stories about you or some shit like that

or saying how clingy you are with him

and chat would be like AWW HE TALKS ABOUT THEM

and he's like “no”😤

but alex can't fool anyone

he’s in it for real with you🥴

and at times, he doesn't even try to hide it

especially when he speaks up about ho proud he is of you

and how people should respect your choice of remaining faceless to the world

but then he quickly moves on to his silly self again

with blushy cheeks ^w^

punz:

has you on his lap constantly

even when his hand-cam is on

nothing will stop him from making you sit on his lap while he’s streaming

he loves that he can rant to you about the problems he faces sometimes concerning his streams

because you get it

he’d teach you the games you didn't know of

and you'd teach him the games that he didn't know of

and then you'd stream/film together after learning the basics

he doesn't talk about you a lot on stream

but chat eventually figures out it’s because you're literally in the same room as him

and how do they find that out, you may ask?

well, your snores coming from his headphones made it very obvious to say the least

awesamdude:

sam knows what it’s like being a faceless streamer

so if you wanted, he’d give you all of the advice you needed

and if you ever considered face revealing, he'd totally help you!

you guys have matching setups 

you sometimes talk to each other across the room as you're playing the same game together

because it’s funny to tease chat that way

you’d be posting pictures on social media

that give off hints that you're with each other a lot

like, in one photo he’s wearing a hoodie

and the next day, you post a photo of you in that exact same hoodie

stuff like that

he also celebrates big and small achievements with you

wether it be you achieving them or him, you always celebrate together

eret:

matching. outfits.

STRAWBERRY DRESSES

PLATFORM HEELS

ahhhh chat would be going absolutely crazy at the fits you guys have sometimes

and you're always matching

as in always

he tells their stream that you have a matching crown like his

but that chat obviously can't see it on you because you don’t have a face-cam

she likes telling stories about you

like, memories they have of you two together

and he just always compliments you and praises you for your hard work on her streams

telling everyone how happy you make them

she also always invites you to join his streams because it means a lot to them that you're there :)

jack manifold:

jack is so excited about the fact that you're also a streamer/youtuber

it makes it easier to open up about your relationship online

because some people already knew you before you revealed you two were dating

though I feel like jack would kinda like the secrecy of your face online

just to brag to his audience about how he gets to see your face every day

but also because he likes that there’s more privacy for you

sometimes he’d pop into your room without knowing you were streaming/filming

and would just start talking to you while you giggled about how you were “kinda in the middle of something”

when jack realised what you meant, he’d hurry out of the room in an instant

you’d always be in each others chats/comments

showing what a supportive couple you were

he always raids you at the end of his streams if you’re streaming at the same time

tommyinnit:

tommy always forgets that you're a faceless streamer/youtuber

and is sometimes sooo close to blurting out something he shouldn't

because he’s so used to seeing you, he just kinda forgets that no one else can

you always have to send him a text to “sToP TalKIng AbOUt yOu” so he doesn't accidentally reveal something

that being said, he literally talks so much about you

again, I’m bringing up that time he said that tubbo is so clingy

he says the same thing about you

but he’s really the clingy one, and it’s pretty obvious

you catch him saying things like “yeah, y/n is really cool”

or “guys, please don't say stuff like that to y/n”

getting all serious and shit🥺

he asks you constantly if you can join his vc

even when you're busy, he’s like “pay. attention. to. me😤”

it’s really entertaining sometimes

especially when his streams just consist of you two bickering the whole time

calls you his favourite woman

tubbo:

ahhh tubbo is so sweet when it comes to you

like, when anyone mentions you he just starts smiling

and wants to tell everyone about you

even if they already know you from your channel

he just can't help but ramble on about you

especially to tommy

he replies to all of your tweets

and you reply to all of his

you always feature each other on your channels/streams

and share a celebratory cake when reaching subgoals

sometimes chat notices similarities in your layouts

like a colour change

or a similar pattern

posts a photo of your pinkies intertwined

wearing matching bracelets you made yourself

and everyone finds it super cute<3

ranboo:

he would encourage you so much to join his videos

and wear the same type of outfit to cover your face with

but with a sense of yourself in it so you'd look similar, but not exactly like each other

you'd be matching outfits so often

doesn't talk a lot about you on his streams

apart from mentioning how short you are

but on TWITTER

that's a whole other story

his twitter has practically just become a fan account of you

he’s always in your comments

just to leave a :)

or a supportive comment

if you ever wanted to do a face reveal

he would do it with you if it meant making you feel more comfortable about it

or less nervous

you’re just very lowkey and cute

___________________________________

tag list✰

@zayenz @terribletoothbat @0t0n1n @0125cm @yukiuheh @shinee-is-5-forever @regularnoceur @b01nk-b0w@christhebish@nutritious-emo-crackkk@bookishreid@giavanna-707 @reddiesmcdonalds@cosmins@vixxzial@autumnpleaves@paradigmax@meaganjm@shiningsunrises@moralofwalls@username1212131@gxldentaestuff@innitdream @televisionpresent38 @bubblyanis@zurami @highoffhockey @popinjaytaylor@196os@livsbaby@doubts-of-gold@bunlina@retrav @mcyt-is-my-life@aleaisntcreative @my-shitpost-of-writing @my-shitpost-of-writing @clownsdrowning @pissbabywastaken@shiningsunrises @tie-dyed-dumbass @death-by-rats@simpfordraco @bippity-boppity-boopa@neongreendaydreams  @vibin-by-myself@littlepotatos0w0@christhebish @pipp-poppz@btsiguess-kpop@prettysmallfries@hiyoko-kos@kenmxskitten@fudrudy@weepingartanimespy@rhino-zucchini@goldenstarofthunderclan@melonmarz@ubeicecreamisthebest@polaroidinurroom @ady-yoo@isimpforeveryone@edenhollandd@ineedtogetoutofhere@glitter-night @hamilsandersfam@mothheart-witch @wrong-exit@trashcanfullofdork  @hellfirepheonixx @marshmallow-babe@isimpforeveryone @ky50621 @randomcloud@wormie4k@dinonuggies50  @p4rty-t4ttoos@aspenthegremlin@book-of-anarchy @jeyacore @thetattooink@gogywasfound@millavalntyne@junob1ade@ubeicecreamisthebest@karida @i-have-paws-love@drvgonraja@eatasslikegrass@creamofweep@venusomega@lunarfedora@rowe-n @wreny24 @vincent-stargogh @floatingplanets​ @vernon-dursley​ @childhoodgrunge​ @fivxss @hexagonclash​ @crazyjuls12​ @littlebabysandboxburritos @shifted-dreams@lenamarie666 @reinyrei @sozvuchiy @weaslvy-mxlfoy​ @aiofheavenandhell​ @honeyglaazed @carisle-mikealson​ @ineedtogetoutofhere​ @twist3dtinkerbell@cracraforfandoms@angel-dazey @leia-starly @smiithys​ @squiddyyyy​ @c0wc0ww​ @animeweeb019284​ @m00-bl00m-k0le @stqrs-thoughts @jenlouvre @uhhhguiltypleasures​ @trappedchest​ @punzrights​ @trashgremlin36​ @cyberrsoot​ @elebeleb​ @k3nn3dis-crap​ @karlshoodies​ @rascal-in-banishment​

[deanwasalwaysbi]

[moved over from a rage tweet thread, bare with me here] According to a leaked draft, Alito is writing a decision overturning Roe. v. Wade, clearing the way for states legislatures, elected by increasingly small minorities, to outlaw abortion. This decision will kill women. Full stop. The '6 week heartbeat bill' is actually neither. It's a functional all out ban of abortion. For one thing, the ban is NOT from 6 weeks from conception, but 6 weeks after your last period. The deadline is ~4 weeks pregnant, at most only 2 weeks late. You can't even get a pregnancy confirmed in time to schedule an abortion in Texas within that timeframe. For another, the fetal heart does not actually develop until about 20 weeks. Republicans just wanted to play on emotions of voters, not deal in actual facts So if there was something wrong, a fetal abnormality with the heart or the brain? You better hope you live somewhere with laws and doctors who will allow you to make your own decisions in that incredibly difficult time. The safest and least emotionally damaging course might not be available to you, even before this court decision, even if you live in a liberal state. However multiple states will use this decision to ban abortions even in these cases, and even to prevent medical deaths.

You can not discount just how vital abortion rights are to protecting the lives of pregnant patients. While abortion is incredibly safe, Women in America are 250% more likely to die in pregnancy now than when Roe was decided. Black Americans are further 250% more likely to die in pregnancy than White Americans. Pregnancy should be getting safer, not more dangerous, but the emphasis has been placed on fetal protection even over protection of the adult patient. Women have literally died because doctors are afraid to intervene during miscarriages.

We don't talk about how incredibly common miscarriages are, but ~30% of first time pregnancies end in miscarriage. Yet Women are imprisoned for miscarrying, both here & abroad. Republicans claim they're not criminalizing pregnant patients but invariably prosecute women for attempting their own abortions, or for misunderstood miscarriages. That does not even cover the pregnant people who will die trying to obtain abortions when they can't go to a doctor. After the abortion restrictions signed by Rick Perry, it was estimated that 100,000-240,000 women in Texas attempted to self induce by 2015. Do you understand how incredibly dangerous that is? Wealthy women could leave the state for care, but less lucky patients were calling clinics asking what cleaners they could survive drinking. It was heartbreaking & dangerous. & it shouldn't need to be said, but no person should be forced to gestate and birth a human being.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg said it best, "It is essential to woman’s equality with man that she be the decisionmaker, that her choice be controlling, questioning, If you impose restraints that impede her choice, you are disadvantaging her because of her sex.”

To deny a teenager, a mother who can't make ends meet, a medical patient, the ability to make this life altering decision, this life saving decision, between themselves and their doctor is not just amoral, it is cruel, it is heartless. To pretend it wasn't after meaningfully removing their ability to choose to parent though? It's a cruelty in the name of political gain that can not hide behind the religion they claim to speak in the name of.

Because it is, solely in the name of political power consolidation. Roe was decided 7-2 in 1973, with five Republican appointees joining the decision. Through the 60s abortion was seen as a fringe issue protestant voters were unconcerned with. Republicans needed something to replace racialized hate on the campaign trail, and manufactured outrage for their voters. As a governor Reagan loosened abortion restrictions in 1967, but he called for the appointment of anti-abortion judges in 1980 to run for president.

So what do we do? In 2022, 50 years later, how do we support the people in our country? We can get sad, but then we need to get mad. They need to taste the full fury of 160 million women rising together. Operating in both the short direct small scale & the large national stage.

For yourselves and your loved ones. Order emergency contraception, NOW. http://nurx.com is one place to get it. Keep some ella or equivalent on hand for you and the women you care for. (Plan B is less effective in women 160 lbs and over, so get ella). If you can, obtain abortion medications such as misoprostol. medication abortions are 95% effective when taken within the first 10 weeks of pregnancy. The risks, including those attributable to ectopic pregnancy are less than 1%. States have been banning the mailing of these pills but not because it is unsafe, simply to force impoverished women to continue unwanted pregnancies. Don't wait until the zip code lottery to get worse, order these medications now. Go out and protest. #shoutyourabortion story. make the people in your life hear you. and VOTE please for all our sakes, vote. and convince them to as well. The midterm elections - but also your local state elections - have never mattered more.

If abortion is not effectively protected by our constitution, republican legislatures can ban abortion in your state and a republican congress could pass abortion restrictions nation wide. We need to speak up, we need to say no to online propaganda.

We need to elect sane people. Our lives depend on it.

[ttlmt]

sometimes self care is writing an angry tweet thread about university policies on your professional twitter account and then drafting it because you don’t want the backlash

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

The Iowa Caucus Happened

A job offer slides into Rafael’s DMs as he waits to find out if it’ll be a new start or prison on February 8.

Accidental Feminist Icon

Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba

“Mister Barba?”

Rafael didn’t like hearing his name from the young woman behind him, especially not given what he’d done. He’d texted Carmen on the first day of the trial, and she’d agreed to look into the offers from attorneys he knew, and some he didn’t, while he sat beside Dworkin and emotionally prepared himself to testify. The ones he’d looked at the night before came from people he didn’t like or were last resorts. He’d moved from his visceral response to finding law to back his actions. Applying logic could let him detangle himself from his conflicted emotions. Catholic guilt wrestled his humanity. That said, he also found himself desperate to introduce Ollie to music as Carmen worked from his apartment that first afternoon, not caring for once as the toddler drooled or sneezed or spilled all over him.

“Yes?” he asked, taking his coffee from the cart. “I’m sorry, have we met?”

“We haven’t. I follow you on Twitter.”

“Ah,” he said, shifting awkwardly. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss-”

“Rachel Sullivan. I have, like, a reading Twitter.”

“I’ve seen that! Read with Rachel? Your icon is a copy of Howl?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, chuckling. “I just- listen, I know it’s bad what’s going on and a lot of people are really hurt and going after you. Do I get it? No. But, I think you didn’t get a good choice, and you did what’s right for you. When it seems impossible, it’s not my place to judge something I can’t fathom. And a lot of people feel the same. A bunch of us have a group chat and we hope everything goes well and you get to start again.”

It was a stark contrast to his interaction with mami or emails from church ladies. There was an acknowledgement of disagreement, but he needed more people to respect that they weren’t there like she did. He also remembered watching his father die, and while he didn’t like the man, he regretted not ending that pain. It only drew out hurt for everyone. 

“Thank you, Rachel. That really means the world to me.”

“Good luck today,” she said, giving him a wave when she took her coffee and left. By the end of the day, Rafael hated Peter Stone for being a damn good prosecutor, and he wondered if there were any cases he’d tried, especially the ones before SVU that he was wrong on. He made his way into a new bar, definitely not his usual during all of this, and he sat and drafted his resignation. It took longer than he cared to admit, and he restarted and reread it time and time again. By the time he was drunk, he’d written something he could proofread the next morning and ignored calls from Olivia, Carmen, and mami. 

He decided it was time to do what he had been dreading, logging into Twitter. Since Carmen had cleaned it up, more people had found him, and he was able to easily ignore anything hateful by skimming for murder or murderer in the body of the tweet. He skipped those, and Rafael was surprised to see some apathy, sympathy, or respect for his reasoning. Lazily, he scrolled his direct messages. A select few of the people who knew him contacted him with revulsion, but his filtered messages were filled with vitriol. He found Rachel’s account again, following her back and deciding he could break his unspoken rule of only following people he knew or the occasional blog/podcast/museum/celebrity. If anyone contacted him with kindness, he was now more open to the reciprocity of Twitter; no one would be asking him to prosecute their case soon.  

He saw a message from Tripp Greene. In Harvard, they’d had an unspoken alliance as the two scholarship kids in their cohort, a silent allegiance that continued into law school. There were very few people Rafael respected personally from Harvard, but Tripp had remained kind, even if he worked in something as ruthless as politics. They’d been reunited by Rafael’s uptick in Twitter popularity. He was more proud than he should be by the potential presidential candidates that had followed him. Rafael should have known Tripp would reach out; he was ever the silent cheerleader and had watched a sibling die on life support when he was at Harvard. They’d discussed the morality of pulling plugs and the selfish desire to keep people alive, though most of it had been Tripp talking and Rafael listening.

While moving to Iowa seemed extreme, he was acutely aware that he would end up haunting the DA’s office and Manhattan SVU like some ghost of ADAs past instead of moving forward. His mother had a boyfriend and looming retirement that seemed likely to take the pair to Miami, where she could play grandma to his grandchildren. There was nothing left for him here but Carmen, and while a great friend, she was not enough to erase the last twenty-one years of his life. When Carmen called for the fifth time that night, he ignored it, but it was quickly followed by Answer the phone or I tell Olivia I haven’t heard from you. With a groan, he answered when Carmen called again sixty seconds later.

“I’m fine. I don’t want to delve back into a play by play of my day.”

“That’s why you’re drunk at seven o’clock,” she said, her tone thick with sarcasm as she pretended that solved everything.

“It’s only been two hours?”

“You’re not at Forlini’s.”

“I’m not hanging out with Stone.”

“Send me your location. I just picked Ollie up from mom’s.”

“Take your son home, Carmen. I’ll be fine.”

“But we could talk about how much I also hate Stone. I’ll even stop and let you grab take out from that Cuban place you like.”

“Deal,” he acquiesced, motioning he wanted to close his tab. “Call me when you’re close.”

“Deal. ETA is about fifteen minutes.”

He polished off his scotch, signing the check and tipping well before taking his briefcase and leaning against the wall as he waited for Carmen’s SUV. She waved at him out the window, and he hurried into her passenger seat. Though he always knew that she was a great secretary and assistant, Carmen was proving to be the friend he needed right now. Olivia, in the few phone calls they had, was unwilling to discuss anything but the case. She was in cop mode, and she talked to him like she could swoop in and fix what he had done. While she thought he didn’t know, she’d talked to McCoy, talked to Stone, talked to anyone who would listen. But what she didn’t understand is that he’d accepted going to prison was a possibility, but it was one he felt was worth it.

“Barba!” he heard from the backseat, smiling softly to see Ollie more awake than he’d expected. He’d seen the boy periodically, mostly during evening handoffs when Carmen’s mother would drop him off so Carmen could take him home. There were a lot of single mothers in his life, and all were exceptional. The last few days, Carmen and Ollie both had spent a lot of time with him. He kept introducing Ollie to music and movies and foods like he could make up for everything Drew wouldn’t experience by making sure Ollie did.

“Oliver!” he smiled, twisting around to smile at him. The boy kicked his leg, and the blue stripe on the rubber of his sneakers lit up. “I like your shoes.”’

“Thanks,” he giggled, kicking again. 

“You’re good with him,” Carmen smiled, the navigation now leading her to get his take out. 

“He’s a good kid. Noah made me better with kids. Liv said I held him like a sack of flour at first.”

“You’ll be ready by the time you have your own.”

“I work too much.”

“That can change.”

“I don’t deserve to have a child,” he shrugged, and he could see Carmen purse her lips. “I don’t. I wouldn’t be good at it anyway. Wouldn’t be fair. Besides, I might end up like dad. No kid deserves that shit.”

“Bad word!” Ollie scolded, tablet in hand as he watched a movie.

“Sorry, Ollie. Stuff.”

“You’ve never told me what he did.”

“He wanted heterosexual, toxic machismo and got a swarmy, emotional bisexual.”

“You’re not that emotional.”

“He took care of that,” he said darkly. “I used to cry when he went after mami. That turned his attention to me.”

Carmen knew there was nothing she could say, so instead she silently took his hand, squeezing softly. He was taken aback at first, but he kept her hand loosely in his as his head lulled against the headrest. It was strangely grounding, the physical affection. He’d felt like he was swimming the last few days as memories of his father, his father’s death, his childhood, and each case he tried bubbled up. That wasn’t including the vision of baby drew and Maggie in the hospital room that lingered everywhere. 

The conflicting guilt and conviction he’d done the right thing also broke a damn and the feelings he’d suppressed- loneliness, guilt, abandonment, distrust- were all bubbling to the surface. He’d spent so much of his life trying not to process them so he could focus on a conviction rate and moving forward that he didn’t have the tools everyone else did sometimes. Right now, Carmen felt like an anchor, and he was grateful for her. 

He got out of the car when Carmen parked, ordering enough food for three adults, one take out container containing whatever he thought a toddler could handle. Soon enough, they were settled in his living room and eating, though Ollie had minimal interest in the pork, beans, and rice in front of him. The thought crossed his mind that when he took one of the out of state jobs, he wouldn’t have Carmen there like this. He was sure this friendship would be short lived; when he didn’t need her anymore, she’d leave him. That’s what usually happened, wasn’t it? She just felt bad for him.

“I’m moving to Iowa,” he blurted out before he was able to spiral into the self loathing he’d recently discovered.

“That’s far,” she said, and he thought he could detect sadness in her voice.

“There’s FaceTime.”

“Not quite the same, but I’ll take it.”

“Tripp understands,” he said, sobering up as the food hit his stomach. “He lost a sister. Watched someone dying like with my dad except she’d been born that way. It was years, Carmen.”

“That’s a lot. I’m going to miss you, Rafael. Ollie will too.”

“Come visit. If the tickets are bad, I’ll pay. Or cover renting a car.”

“You’re drunk,” she chuckled. 

“Sorry. Best friend. It’s the rules.”

“We’ll come. But I can afford tickets.” 

“Promise if it’ll make things tight, you’ll let me. You’re raising a kid. No kids means I can afford to get my friend the occasional plane ticket.”

“Deal.”

“Next week, will it be Des Moines or prison? Who knows! I’ll probably grow a beard either way. Think they’d recognize me in prison if I grow a beard?” 

“I’ve never seen you with a beard. Stop shaving and we’ll find out.”

She could see Rafael getting tired, head leaning back against the couch and closing his eyes. She preferred when he joked about all of this. They were stuck waiting, and this time the next night they’d probably know. Ollie climbed between them on the couch, and she realized her boss wasn’t the only one almost asleep. 

“You two can stay,” Rafael yawned, hand smoothing Ollie’s curls back. 

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. It’ll be nice not being alone in the morning. And you can stay here to work. We didn’t talk about it, but I know you hate Stone. He’s a good attorney. Doing his job.”

“His job is wrong.”

“That isn’t his fault. If another ADA had done what I did? I’d be prosecuting them.”

“Go get ready for bed,” she chuckled, rolling her eyes. As she scooped Ollie up, she kissed the top of Rafael’s head. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

“Carmen?” She turned in the doorframe. “Thank you. For all of this.”

“I’m glad to, Raf. Promise you’ll actually sleep.”

“I promise.”

“Night, Barba,” Ollie yawned, waving over his mom’s shoulder as they entered his guest room. Maybe Iowa was going to be too far if he didn’t go to prison. He was getting quite fond of having Carmen around quite quickly. He wasn’t going to be her superior anymore, so this friendship could be something he maintained. 

Olivia would be a given; even if they were primarily united around work, she was also one of his closest friends and maybe not working together would make him relax. Hell, maybe the end of his life in the city would do it. Rafael couldn’t remember a time he hadn’t felt he was chasing an upward trajectory in New York City. Even at Harvard, the plan had been to return. Maybe coming into Des Moines established would let him feel comfortable just existing. 

He liked cooking and reading in the park and going out dancing on occasion. He rarely had time for two options, and the latter made his cheeks red with embarrassment at the prospect of a colleague seeing him during the outing. In Iowa, maybe he could go dancing and take up a new hobby and wear jeans without feeling like something was out of his control. 

He woke up before Carmen, excited to be able to cook for her. He appreciated the fact she was happy to help him, but she had paused her own life for the last few days. Their friendship was relegated to offices and dinners by the office. He’d come to her baby shower and birthday parties and even a holiday party, but that was it and that had other colleagues present. Except maybe the baby shower, but he was determined to buy up whatever was left on her registry when the day came, using mami, abuelita, and the older women at church as pseudonyms to pretend he’d just let family know. 

“You can cook?”

“I just never had time,” he shrugged, tray coming out of the oven.

“You made pastries?” 

“Pastelitos de guayaba.” Carmen didn’t miss how proud he looked as he admired them. They were something he’d always made with family. “They aren’t hard, but abuelita used to make them for me all the time. Puff pastry, sweetened cream cheese and guava paste. Cafe con leche on the way.”

“You couldn’t sleep?” He shook his head, pouring the espresso and adding the milk before placing mugs at the breakfast counter. His mouth was set in a line now, the corners sucked in as he focused on the countertop. Her hand rested on his, giving a squeeze and he rewarded her with a soft smile. “We’ll be helping you pack for Iowa in no time.”

“I hope,” he nodded, biting into a pastry. Ollie came out, eyeing the countertop. “Want one, Oliver?”

“What are they?”

“Delicious,” Carmen groaned, having torn into her own. That was enough for Ollie, who accepted a pastry from Rafael with a soft Thank you before biting into it carefully.

“Wow! It is good!”

“I’m glad you like it.”

It felt a somber affair, despite the pastries, when Carmen saw him off to court. She chose to wait in his apartment, ringer on high and news coverage on. Ollie was easily entertained by the toys she had in the car, and the phones were forwarded to be answerable on her cell phone. By the end of the day, she’d put dinner in his slow cooker and cleaned most everything at least once. And then her phone rang with his ringer. She’d picked one of the other presets for him long ago, and she watched Ollie with his blocks as she answered.

“Rafael?”

“Not guilty,” he exhaled, still unable to believe it as he surveyed his office to begin packing. Her desk was empty, and he didn’t mind today because if she had been here, McCoy would’ve had her helping Stone. Carmen was his assistant, his friend, and it was bad enough to know Stone would probably take his place at work.

“Thank God,” she whispered. “Did you turn the letter in?”

“I put it on Jack’s desk. I’m hoping to be gone buy his return. I think three heavy boxes will cover it. Plus anything I hung, but other than diplomas most of it came with the place.”

“I put dinner on. Ollie and I ran to the store and picked up short ribs and potatoes and carrots. I needed something to do.”

“Nervous you’d be visiting me in prison?”

“You know damn well juries can be swayed. You’ve done it.”

“And I’m safe. I’ll be there in a couple of hours, okay?”

“Okay,” she said softly. “I’m really glad you get to go to Iowa.”

[beastars-takes]

Zootopia Takes: Darker’s Not Better

The Shock Collar Draft

So, it sounds like people are largely positive on me doing some Zootopia posts on this blog, and I wanted to talk about this tweet I saw the other day:

I’ll punt on explaining why Beastars isn’t “Dark Zootopia”--that’s a great topic for another post. But I would like to talk about why this popular yet stridently uninformed tweet is so, so wrong. Why the shock collar draft was not better, actually.

And obviously, I’m not writing several pages in reply to a single tweet--this is a take that’s been around since the movie came out, that the “original version was better.” It’s been wrong the whole time.

Let’s talk about why!

Part 1: “Because Disney”

Let’s start with this--the assumption that the film’s creators wanted to make this shock collar story and “Disney” told them to change it.

That’s not how it works.

I try to keep stuff about me out of these posts as much as possible, but just for a bit of background, I’ve worked in the animation industry for about half a decade. I know people at Disney. I have a reasonable idea of how things are there.

There is this misconception about creative industries that they’re constantly this pitched battle of wills between creative auteurs trying to make incredible art and ignorant corporate suits trying to repress them.

That can happen, especially in dysfunctional studios (and boy could I tell some stories) but Walt Disney Animation Studios is not dysfunctional. It’s one of the most autonomous and well-treated parts of the Disney Company.

The director of Zootopia, Byron Howard, isn’t an edgelord. He made Bolt and Tangled. He knows what his audience is, and he’s responsible enough not to spend a year (and millions of dollars in budget) developing a grimdark Don Bluth story that leadership would never approve. It wouldn’t just be a waste of time--he would be endangering the livelihoods of the hundreds of people working under him. Meanwhile, Disney Animation’s corporate leadership trusts their talent. They don’t generally interfere with story development because they don’t need to. Because they employ people like Byron Howard.

Howard and the other creative leads of Zootopia have said a dozen times, in interviews and documentaries, that they gave up on the shock collar idea because it wasn’t working. They’ve explained their reasoning in detail. Maybe they’re leaving out some of the story, but in general? I believe them.

But Beastars Takes, you say, maybe even if Disney didn’t force them to back away from this darker version, it still would have been better?

Part 2: Why Shock Collars Seem Good

I will say this--I completely sympathize with people who see these storyboards and scenes from earlier versions of the movie and think “this seems amazing.” It does! A lot of these drawings and shots are heartbreakingly good, in isolation.

I love these boards. They make me want to cry. I literally have this drawing framed on my wall. Believe me, I get it.

But the only reason we care this much about this alternative draft of Zootopia is that the Zootopia we got made us love this world and these characters. You know what actually made me cry?

Oh, yeah.

So let’s set aside the astonishing hubris of insisting Zootopia’s story team abandoned the “good” version of the story, when the “bad version” is the most critically-acclaimed Disney animated feature in the past SIXTY YEARS.

“But Beastars Takes!” I hear you say. “Critics are idiots and just because something’s popular doesn’t make it good!”

Fair enough. Let’s talk about why the real movie is better.

Part 3: The Message (it is, in fact, like a jungle sometimes)

This type of thing is always hard to discuss, in the main--a lot of people don’t want to feel criticized or “called out” by the entertainment they consume, and they don’t want to be asked to think about their moral responsibilities. But it’s hard to deny that Zootopia is a movie with a strong point of view. Everything else--the characters, the worldbuilding, the plot, grows out from the movie’s central statement about bias.

And the movie we got, with no shock collars, makes that statement far more effectively.

To dive into the full scope of Zootopia’s worldview and politics (warts and all) would be a whole post on its own, so I’ll just summarize the key point of relevance here:

Zootopia's moral message is that you, the viewer, need to confront your own biases. Not yell at someone else. No matter how much of a good or progressive person you consider yourself to be--if you want to stand against prejudice you have to start with yourself.

That’s a tough sell! For that message to land, we need to see ourselves in the protagonist.

Judy’s a good person! She argues with her dad about foxes. She knows predators aren’t all dangerous. She’s not speciesist. Right?

Ah fuck.

Let’s fast-forward to the pivotal scene of this movie. In an unfortunate but inevitable confluence of circumstances, Judy’s own biases and prejudiced assumptions come out, and she shits the bad.

Nick, who’s already bared his soul to her (against his better instincts), is heartbroken. But not as heartbroken as he is a minute later when he tries to confront her about what she’s said, and she makes this face:

Whaaaat? Come on, Nick. I’m a good person. Why are you giving me a hard time?

People like to complain about this scene. That it’s a hackneyed “misunderstanding” trope that could be easily resolved with a discussion. They’re wrong. Nick tries to have a discussion. She blows him off.

This isn’t Judy acting out of character, this is her character. Someone who identifies as Not A Racist, and hasn’t given the issue any more thought. This is not only completely believable characterization (who hasn’t seen someone react this way when you told them they hurt you?) it’s the film’s central thesis!

Yes, Nick somewhat provokes her into reaching for her “fox spray,” and her own trauma factors in there, but she’s already made her fatal mistake before that happens.

(As an aside, people also make the criticism that the movie unrealistically deflects responsibility for racism onto Bellwether and her plot. It doesn’t. All the key expressions of prejudice in the film--Judy’s encounter with Gideon, her parents’ warnings, the elephant in the ice cream shop, Judy’s early encounters with Bogo, Judy's views on race science--exist largely outside of Bellwether’s influence. She is a demagogue who inflames existing tensions, she didn’t invent them. Bogo literally says “the world has always been broken.”)

So, anyway. But we love Judy. She’s an angel. She also kinda sucks! She’s proudly unprejudiced, and when her own prejudice is pointed out to her she argues and doesn’t take it seriously. This is bad, but it’s also a very human reaction. It’s one most of us have probably been guilty of at one point or another.

Look at Zootopia’s society, too--it’s shiny and cosmopolitan, seemingly idyllic. Anyone can be anything, on paper. But scratch too deep beneath the surface and there’s a lot of pain and resentment here, things nobody respectable would say in public but come out behind closed doors, or among family, when nobody’s watching. It’s entirely recognizable--at least to me, someone who lives in a large liberal city in the United States. Like Byron Howard.

Wow, this place is a paradise!

Wait, what’s a “NIMBY”?

Part 4: Why Shock Collars Are Bad

So, with the film’s conceit established, let’s circle back to the shock collar idea. Like I said, it’s heartbreaking. It’s dramatic. It’s affective.

It also teaches us nothing.

If I see a movie where predator animals are subjected to 24/7 electroshock therapy, I don’t think “wow, this makes me want to think about how I could do better by the people around me.” I think “damn that shit’s crazy lmao. that’d be fucked up if that happened.” At a stretch, it reminds me of something like the Jim Crow era, or the Shoah. You know, stuff in the Past. Stuff we’ve all decided couldn’t ever happen again, so why worry about it?

The directors have said this exact thing, just politely. “It didn’t feel contemporary,” they say in pressers. That’s what it means.

If anything, the shock collar draft reifies the mindset that Zootopia is trying to reject--it shows us that discrimination is blatant, and dramatic, and flagrantly cruel, and impossible to miss.

And...that’s not true. If you only look for bias at its most malicious and evil, you’re going to miss the other 95 percent.

The messaging of this “darker version” is--ironically--less mature, less insightful, less intelligent. Less useful. Darker’s not better.

Part 5: Why Shock Collars Are Still Bad

So what if you don’t care about the message? What if you have no interest in self-reflection, or critical analysis (why are you reading this blog then lmao)? What if you just really want to hear a fun story about talking animals?

Well, this is trickier, because the remaining reasons are pretty subjective and emotional.

The creators have said that the shock collar version didn’t work because the viewers hated the cruel world they’d created. They agreed with Nick--the city was beyond saving. They didn’t want to save it.

The creators have said that Judy was hard to sympathize with, not being able to recognize the shock collars for the obvious cruelty they were.

Fuck you, Judy!

But we haven’t seen the draft copies. We haven’t watched the animatics. We have to take their word for it. Anyone who’s sufficiently invested in this story is going to say “well, I disagree with them.” It doesn’t matter to them that they haven’t seen the draft and the filmmakers have. The movie they’ve imagined is great and nobody is going to convince them otherwise.

But the fact remains that the shock collar movie, as written, did not work. And, if behind the scenes material is to be believed, it continued to not work after months and months of story doctoring.

There’s even been a webcomic made out of the dystopian version of Zootopia. It’s clever and creative and well-written and entertaining and...it kind of falls apart. The creator, after more than a little shit-talk directed at Disney, abandoned the story before reaching the conclusion, but even before then the seams were beginning to show. How do you take a society that’s okay with electrocuting cute animals and bring it to a point of cathartic redemption? You can’t, really. The story doesn’t work.

Does that mean people shouldn’t make fanworks out of the cut material? That they shouldn’t be inspired and excited by it? Hell no. This drawing is cute as hell. The ideas are compelling.

But I suppose what I’d ask of you all is--if you’re weighing the hot takes of art students on Twitter against the explanations of veteran filmmakers, consider that the latter group might actually know what they’re talking about.

See you next time!

[oikawa-tuwu]

Exit, Stage Right

🎭 Chapter 12 (oikawa x reader smau)

It was only a few minutes after texting the groupchat your location that you hear footsteps behind you, and then someone settling themselves on one of the swings.

“Yahaba, if you’re here to drag me home-”

“Wrong on both accounts,” your companion chuckles, making you do a double take. You really had just taken in a basic height and weight in the corner of your eye, so it was a shock turn and see not your neighbor and best friend but Oikawa sitting on the swing next to you.

“Hi,” He says, softly, strangely vulnerable in the fading daylight. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I’m fine,” you bite back, instinctively. “I couldn’t care less about Satomi.”

“I couldn’t care less about the stair that always trips me on the way up to the costume loft, but my knees still sting when I land wrong.”

You scoff, kicking off the ground with your feet and starting the slow momentum. You swing your legs. In, out. In, out. “Where did this wizened old man persona come from and what did you do with Oikawa Tooru?”

Oikawa laughs. “Hey, I can be smart sometimes.”

“Emphasis on sometimes,” you say, but this time you’re smiling.

Petulant as ever, Oikawa pouts, looking up at you from where he had propped his chin against his hand. “You’re mean. That’s it, I’m done trying to cheer you up.”

“Nah, I don’t think you are,” you say, pumping your legs faster. In, out. In, out.

“Oh really?” Oikawa asks, tilting his head curiously. “And why is that?”

“If you really stopped talking to someone because they were mean, why are you still friends with Iwaizumi?”

The boy beside you sucks in a breath. Kind of a laugh, but too short and too shocked to really be humorous at first. When he lets the breath go, he’s back to laughing. “I guess you got me there. Would you believe me if I said that really I just took pity on an unfortunate and unattractive guy with no social skills and pretended to be his friend to make him feel better?”

Hoping your gaze falls somewhere on the “withering” scale, you shoot Oikawa a look. “No. And for the record, Iwaizumi is definitely not unattractive.”

“Alright,” Oikawa says, with a soft chuckle, but there’s something uncomfortable in the tightness of the action. “Well, anyways, I still came here to apologize, so… I’m sorry. I really didn’t realize how unhealthy of a relationship I had with all these girls. I always thought of my flirting as harmless fun, and the dates were just humoring the girls, but I see now it was just part of a narcissistic fantasy. And I’m working on pretending to be things I’m not in order to please other people.”

“Yahaba and Watari said you told Satomi and her friends to back off.”

“I did. I tried to at least.” Oikawa winces. “There goes my free bentos for lunch.”

“I’m sure you’ll find some girl eventually who will make you bentos because she loves you,” You say, skidding to a stop on your swing. Dust from the friction dirties your uniform, but its nothing compared to the sticky coffee on your shirt. “Not because she’s infatuated with a facsimile of a handsome teenage film star.”

“The Scully to my Mulder,” Oikawa mutters, quietly, almost like he didn’t intend for you to hear, before turning on a blinding smile and continuing, “But you think I’m handsome?”

Without missing a beat, you reach over to push him off the swing. Thankfully, Oikawa then busies himself with whining and pouting and dusting dirt off of his uniform and not looking at you and potentially realizing how flushed your cheeks had gotten and how fast your heart rate had raced.

There was the smile.

Not the fake one he turned on for his fangirls, for Satomi, for the stage, but his true smile that you really had only seen a handful of times. It was a true, genuine smile and he had smiled it for you.

Oh, no.

Oikawa stands, stretching out a hand to help you out of your swing. “Can I walk you home?”

For some unknown reason, you say yes.

You walk in silence for the most part, other than pointing out directions, but it's a comfortable quiet. It's a nice change from the Oikawa you see at rehearsals, constantly flirting with girls or annoying Iwaizumi or blabbering about something.

After a few moments, a cold breeze blows through, and you can’t help but shiver.

“Do you want my jacket?” Oikawa asks, already shrugging out of the fabric and offering it to you, and you blink at the chivalry behind it. Taking your silence as hesitation, he continues, “It’s my fault that your uniform is wet, which is part of the reason you’re so cold, so really, I’m just making us even-”

You snatch the jacket before he can keep talking, and he shuts up with a smug grin of self-satisfaction. Admittingly, the jacket does help, and its not much longer until you’re in your neighborhood.

“Yahaba lives around here, too, right?” Oikawa asks, and you nod.

“How’d you know?”

He shoots you a wry grin. “I do read your tweets sometimes.”

For some reason, the thought of Oikawa scrolling through your profile doesn’t fill you with disgust, rather a strange sense of satisfaction.

Oh, no.

“Y/n? Who is it that you’re walking with?”

“Hello, Mrs. L/n! I’m Oikawa Tooru, Y/n’s friend from drama! It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Oh! Would you like to come in for a cup of tea, dear?”

O h  ,  n o.

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(A/N: I literally spent like two hours trying to format this chapter correctly, going back and forth from tumblr mobile to desktop to html to get it looking correctly bc I wanted to put a below the cut in there, but I gave up the third time tumblr scrapped my draft 🙃 sooo sorry about the long post without a keep reading button!!)

Taglist: @fangirling-25-8 @multifandomphenomena @moonlightreetops @ensworks @it-me-720 @harajukukitsune @sempiternal-amour @semiathleticnerdykid @luvelyxp @theduvetpirate @bethbat @starwrite-er @icy-hot @cowboy-doll @hurtbycanonthoughts​ @shigarakiskitten​ @kaaidalupita​ @nekoma-hoe​

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

"In retrospect, you could say I was beginning to question things.

But then it was 2018, and a couple of things happened. First, Love, Simon came out in March, which was one of the most electrifying, unforgettable, truly extraordinary experiences of my life. But having your book adapted to a film brings a lot of notoriety and attention, especially online, and it’s not always the fun kind. Unsurprisingly, there was quite a bit of discourse about my identity — how could there not be? Love, Simon was the first gay teen rom com to be released widely by a major film studio, and it was based on a book written by an allocishet woman. Yes, the film’s director was openly gay. No, not everyone cared (frankly, a lot of people still don’t know Love, Simon was based on a book). But in many online spaces, my straightness was a springboard for some — legitimately important — conversations about representation, authenticity, and ownership of stories. And for some people, my straightness was enough to boycott the film entirely.

Then Leah on the Offbeat came out about a month later, and the discourse exploded all over again. There were thinkpieces based on the premise that I, a straight woman, clearly knew nothing about being a bi girl. There were tweets and threads and blog posts, and just about every single one I came across mentioned my straightness. And when Leah debuted on the NYT list, authors I admired and respected tweeted their disappointment that this “first” had been taken by a straight woman. Of course, Leah wasn’t the first f/f YA book to hit the New York Times list. And maybe people were wrong about the other stuff too. But the attention and scrutiny were so overwhelming, and it all hurt so badly, I slammed the lid down on that box and forgot I’d ever cracked it open.

At least I didn’t remember I remembered.

I deleted the sexuality labels from my website. I declined to answer certain questions in interviews. I’d get quietly, passionately indignant when people made assumptions about other authors’ gender identities and sexualities. And I’d feel uncomfortable, anxious, almost sick with nerves every time they discussed mine.

And holy shit, did people discuss. To me, it felt like there was never a break in the discourse, and it was often searingly personal. I was frequently mentioned by name, held up again and again as the quintessential example of allocishet inauthenticity. I was a straight woman writing shitty queer books for the straights, profiting off of communities I had no connection to.

Because the thing is, I called myself straight in a bunch of early interviews.

But labels change sometimes. That’s what everyone always says, right? It’s okay if you’re not out. It’s okay if you’re not ready. It’s okay if you don’t fully understand your identity yet. There’s no time limit, no age limit, no one right way to be queer.

And yet a whole lot of these very same people seemed to know with absolute certainty that I was allocishet. And the less certain I was, the more emphatically strangers felt the need to declare it. Apparently it was obvious from my writing. Simon’s fine, but it was clearly written by a het. You can just tell. Her books aren’t really for queer people.

You know what’s a mindfuck? Questioning your sexual identity in your thirties when every self-appointed literary expert on Twitter has to share their hot take on the matter. Imagine hundreds of people claiming to know every nuance of your sexuality just from reading your novels. Imagine trying to make space for your own uncertainty. Imagine if you had a Greek chorus of internet strangers propping up your imposter syndrome at every stage of the process.

The thing is, I really do believe in the value of critically discussing books, particularly when it comes to issues of representation. And I believe in the vital importance of Ownvoices stories. Most of the identities represented in my books are Ownvoices. But I don’t think we, as a community, have ever given these discussions the care and nuance they deserve.

Consider the origin of the Ownvoices hashtag. It was created in 2015 by author Corinne Duyvis, with the purpose of highlighting stories written by authors who share the same marginalized identities as their characters. But Corinne has always emphasized caution when it comes to using Ownvoices to determine which authors can tell which stories. And she’s been incredibly clear and emphatic about not weaponizing the term to pressure authors to disclose private aspects of their identities.

So why do we keep doing this? Why do we, again and again, cross the line between critiquing books and making assumptions about author identities? How are we so aware of invisible marginalization as a hypothetical concept, but so utterly incapable of making space for it in our community?

Let me be perfectly clear: this isn’t how I wanted to come out. This doesn’t feel good or empowering, or even particularly safe. Honestly, I’m doing this because I’ve been scrutinized, subtweeted, mocked, lectured, and invalidated just about every single day for years, and I’m exhausted. And if you think I’m the only closeted or semi-closeted queer author feeling this pressure, you haven’t been paying attention.

And I’m one of the lucky ones! I’m a financially independent adult. I can’t be disowned. I come from a liberal family, I have an enormous network of queer friends and acquaintances, and my livelihood isn’t even remotely at risk. I’m hugely privileged in more ways than I can count. And this was still brutally hard for me. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for other closeted writers, and how unwelcome they must feel in this community.

Even as I write this, I’m bracing for the inevitable discourse — I could draft the twitter threads myself if I wanted to. But I’d rather just make a few things really clear. First, this isn’t an attempt to neutralize criticism of my books, and you’re certainly entitled to any reactions you might have had to their content. Second, I’m not asking you to validate my decision to write Simon (or What If It’s Us, or mlm books in general).

But if I can ask for something, it’s this: will you sit for a minute with the discomfort of knowing you may have been wrong about me? And if your immediate impulse is to scrutinize my personal life, my marriage, or my romantic history, can you try to check yourself?

Or how about this: can we all be a bit more careful when we engage in queer Ownvoices discourse? Can we remember that our carelessness in these discussions has caused real harm? And that the people we’re hurting rarely have my degree of privilege or industry power? Can we make space for those of us who are still discovering ourselves? Can we be a little more compassionate? Can we make this a little less awful for the next person?

Can you tell I’m angry? Because I’m angry.

But I’m grateful, too, for those of you who understood the hidden (and not-so-hidden) threads of my books before I did. I’m grateful for the writer whose vulnerability made all of this finally click into place for me. And the ones who put their hearts on the line to hold space for people like me. And the ones who made me feel like I was allowed to care about this. And, of course, I’m grateful for the books. Some of you have no idea how much your words have helped me find mine.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I’m bi. Sorry it took me so long to get here. But then again, at least the little red coming out book I needed was already on my shelf (in about thirty different languages).

I think I finally know why I wrote it."

author Becky Albertalli ("Love, Simon", "Leah On The Offbeat") on her coming out process and the harsh criticism she had to face for he books (whole article here)

I think this perfectly illustrates why we, as a community, should stop assuming other people's identity

[mcheang]

Cinderella story in ML...only with Adrien in the Cinderella role! & Mari as the Prince. It doesn’t have to be an actual AU. But maybe there’s a school dance or a gala somewhere, and Gabe stops Adrien from going, so he goes as Chat and he & Mari meet up and dance...you can take it from there.

Adrien is Cinderella

Finally a request. I’ve been low on ideas. Can you guess the ‘glass slipper’ of this draft?

There is going to be an interschool masque at the end of the semester. All schools in Paris will be invited to a grand masque to mingle and make new friends.

Adrien was eager to make new friends but his Father had forbidden him to mix with the rabble.

Purr-leaze, like that would stop Chat Noir.

Adrien got dressed with his mask before transforming into his alter ego.

At the masque, Adrien decided to let loose and be his true self. No one knew he was the model Adrien, he didn’t have to act perfect.

He did make some new friends, of course.

But then he came across a vision in red and pink. An Asian girl with her hair let down and currently browsing the desserts buffet for her kwami.

Adrien: I don’t think you’ll find a dessert as sweet as you.

Marinette: Chat? Is that you? I know your cheesy pick up lines anywhere!

Adrien: milady? What are the chances? Well, we are around the same age and- hey, what do you mean cheesy?!

Marinette: I thought it was fitting, given your cologne.

Adrien: that is not my fault. Besides you smell...really sweet...like sugar. (He just can’t insult her here)

Marinette: I’d like to blame my kwami for my sugar tooth, but that’s a lie.

Adrien: Lucky.

Marinette: of course, I’m your Lady Luck, aren’t I?

Adrien chuckled, “Care to let me escort you through the party?”

Marinette accepted his proffered arm. “I was starting to think you’d never ask.”

As they walked and decided to talk safe details that wouldn’t give away their identity, Marinette worried about the unmasking that would take place at midnight. Adrien assured her he would be gone by then because he wasn’t supposed to be here anyway. And if his Father learned he was here (which he would if people started tweeting his presence), he was dead.

Music played, and Adrien invited Marinette to dance with him.

Marinette: this feels nice...and familiar. Like we’ve known each other forever.

Adrien: what can you expect? We make a great team after all.

Throughout the night, the 2 heroes didn’t mingle with others anymore. Instead they sought to get to know each other better since their time together was so limited.

But you can bet people noticed the elegant couple dancing all night. The beautiful dress helped to gather attention.

Then came the announcement for the best dressed of them all.

Marinette: I bet it will be Chloe. She’s been bragging non-stop about her designer gown to any stranger unfortunate enough to meet her.

Adrien: I don’t know. I voted for you.

Marinette: kitty...you know me. You’re biased.

Adrien: yeah, but I’ve saved Chloe before. So it’s fair to say I know her too.

Marinette: I repeat, biased.

Adrien: a hero is never biased! I’ve gotten used to Chloe since she became Queen Bee.

Marinette, skeptical: really?

Adrien:... Alright, she could learn to be polite.

Marinette: and stop causing akumas

Adrien: my point is, you really are wearing the best dress here.

Marinette: aw. You’re cutting a fine figure too, Kitty. Are you wearing Gabriel?

Adrien: spot on.

Marinette playfully punched his arm. “No Ladybug jokes. Someone could overhear.”

Anyway, after more talking, the announcement was up. The girl in the pink and red dress is the winner. Marinette is spotlighted and she is pushed by Adrien to go onstage to accept her crown and to begin the unmasking soon after.

Marinette panics. “Wait, you could know my secret identity from this!”

Adrien: then pretend to have a case of stage fright.

Marinette accepts her crown and is told to wait onstage until midnight.

Chat applauds her but motions to her that they have to go. He leaves first.

Marinette runs off the stage after him, ignoring the cries for her to stop. “Wait up!”

But Chat can’t wait. Nathalie is calling his cellphone. His absence has been discovered!

He transforms and heads home.

Marinette spends some time looking for her missing partner before giving up and heading home too, crown in hand.

Good news: Adrien wasn’t really busted. Nathalie had assumed he was sleeping and had accidentally called his number.

The next day; people are talking about the runaway winner, supposed chasing after her boyfriend.

Alya: So who was that guy Marinette?

Marinette: I’m not sure. We didn’t exchange names or anything.

Alya: what a shame he didn’t stick around. And you seriously ruined a chance to increase your business! Really, people wanted to ask where you had gotten your dress.

Adrien choked. “You mean, Marinette was the winner?”

Alya, smugly: she sure is. Her dress may have been top secret but I recognised it from her sketchbook.

Marinette: I could have been saving that dress for a customer.

Alya: who has your blue eyes and black hair? Right. What are the chances?

Marinette stuck out her tongue.

Alya: Alright, enough on that. How are you feeling about your runaway paramour?

Marinette: Alya! It’s not like that. I just wish I could have spent more time with him.

Adrien, bravely: you can. We can go check out a new sweet shop down the street. Though I doubt we’ll find a sweet as sweet as you.

Marinette’s jaw dropped.

Alya: No way! This is brilliant. Like Cinderella in reverse... with cheesy pick up lines.

Adrien: that’s the second time they’ve been called that, actually.

Marinette was still stunned but she managed to reply, “Well, they are.”

Adrien winked at her. “So, see you after school?”

That Chat charm returned some of her wits. “It’s a date.” Then she promptly fell silent after that, entering into silent shock.

Adrien was so happy he practically floated to the science lab next period.

[positivecorrelation]

“I hope that it's enough Is it enough?”

“Before you came around I was lost and out of place You're the only love I found and I'm hoping that you'll stay”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Colson & Marshall decide to be in relationship, it doesn't go smooth at first. Mostly cause they've this sense of betrayal. Both believe that the other is taking advantage of the other. Yet they want to stay in this relationship.

They're always tip toeing around each other. There are times when Colson tries to start a conversation and says something silly and Em always give him a smile but the moment Colson looks away, that smile drops and frown appears, and Em wonders, does he want to bring my guards down? Should I be cautious about smiling around him? Colson on the other hand goes through similar doubts like, did he really want to smile? Does he really hear what I say?

It's not easy for them to trust anyone but deep inside they still want to trust each other. It's a slow process.

But from where did this sense betrayal came from?

In Marshall's case, those sneak disses, along with the line "when your idols become your rivals" have left an impact on his mind. He had seen Colson's interviews and songs before the beef but never imagined Colson to have such a reaction. In fact, he never wanted 'MGK' to solely face the whole wrath. He truly wanted others to come out of their hiding places.

Colson felt betrayed because he really wanted to be on Shade45 and possibly become a member of shady records and leave Diddy's hell. When that didn't happen and constant tweets and DMs failed, he tried other methods and when those worked, he made a last effort to talk to the guy but that didn't go so well as he had planned. Nevertheless, others don't need to know or believe but he still respects Marshall.

The beef might be over but this sense of betrayal still lingers.

They want to commit fully into this relationship yet they feel the other might leave them one day, that the other one is not serious about this thing between them. That the betrayal has already taken a toll on the other's senses and they're just waiting for the right time to say 'I hate you'.

They both fail to realize that, it was the beef that brought them close. Unknowingly both have played their parts to bring each other into this relationship. Instead they wait for the other shoe to drop.

Love grows, so does the silly jokes and smiles. Hugs, cuddles and kisses were bound to follow.

They make all kinds of effort to make each other happy. Buying expensive but thoughtful gifts. Since the day Colson has uttered the words that he likes flowers, Em makes it sure that everyday he gifts Colson a flower. Whether he's at home, on tour or in the studio, each day a different flower, just for Colson, and if Marshall's at home he makes sure that its him who gives Colson the flower of the day.

Marshall in return gets a different kind of gift which sometimes also works as a reward for letting Colson win at certain games. Colson loves to hug Marshall. Once a self proclaimed Stan and now possibly life partner, Colson feels Marshall enjoy hugs more than kisses. So everyday, whenever Em hands him a flower or leaves for the studio, Colson hugs him to his heart's content.

The sense of betrayal slowly but surely starts to fade away.

From enemies to lovers, they've come a long way.

Yet they still wait for the other to give them a sign. They want to make sure that they're each other's forever.

Its Colson who breaks first.

He begins to notice that Marshall is spending more and more time in the studio or at home office. He knows Em has a strict routine of devoting his time at studio but this is different.  At first he ignores but then Marshall misses a few dinners, forgets to give him his daily good morning kiss and even hugs halfheartedly. Colson is hurt. He never voices them but he feels miserable, that sense of betrayal starts to reappear.

However, unlike his other relationships, he makes a final effort. Instead of simply leaving or confronting Marshall with bitter words, he decides to speak his heart out.

Like any other day, when Em hands him the flower, Colson takes it but the moment Em tries to go back to his home office, Colson grabs ahold of one of Marshall's hands. Em, without any hesitation turns back and waits.

He knows the end has come so he keeps his face devoid of any expression. He can see Colson’s wearing his hoodie. He can clearly see that the guy is trying to compose himself and maybe repeating the words in his head to say them in one go, so he waits.

Colson just keeps on looking at the flower. It's a white rose. A white flag, he supposes. Nodding to himself while still holding Em's hand, Colson looks up from the flower and into Marshall's beautiful blue eyes.

The words simply refuse to come out but he refuses to back down. He feels like this might be his karma for never taking any relationship seriously.

Not wanting a repeat case of what had happened during the whole beef,  also fearing that Marshall might take his hand back or god forbid, take away his chance to talk, he begins to speak;

"You know... I don't want you to think...I just...For the past few weeks... F**K". Colson's voice breaks. Who thought it will be this difficult to speak his mind? He can see Marshall's still waiting patiently for him to just...

Taking a deep breath he tries again and finally pushes himself to say the words.

"I don't want to run our relationship on fumes, Em. I might've never told you but you mean a lot to me, more than I can ever explain. Even if I don't mean that much to you, whenever I hold you, I know you'll hold me back. I cared, still care  and will continue to care about you. I genuinely care about your opinions, your likes and dislikes.

Everything about you is important to me.

I fell for you Marshall, do you get that? Please, please just put me out of my misery and tell me, do you feel the same way too?"

Colson takes a moment to simply memorize the face, the man who means too much to him. He needs to say the rest of the words...

"You've ignored me in the past and that had hurt me Marshall, You may not believe it but it did hurt, a lot. I swear to you when I say I cannot go through that again because its tearing me up inside Em, and this time I may not...

So please...just... please tell me, do you even love me... the way I love you?"

Marshall can clearly see, Colson is trying his best to not break down. There's tears glistening in his eyes. Em's throat close up, he didn't want to do this but now he has no choice. He takes out a sheet of folder paper from his hoodie's pocket and hands it to Colson. He can clearly see there is confusion in Colson's eyes but without much delay the younger one takes it.

Colson feels reluctant to give up, he keeps holding Em's hand cause he need answers and this feel like a joke but he keeps his patience and tries to unfold the paper with one hand.

It finally unfolds.

The first thing Colson notices is that the page mostly filled with doodles, some lines maybe lyrics that have been crossed out.

"So that's it? That's his answer? Is this his parting gift?" Colson cannot help but wonder.

That old feeling of betrayal comes rushing at the forefront of his mind. His vision becomes blurry. He can feel his hope is taking its last few breaths,his treacherous heart begins to ache.

A few lines catches his eyes so he decides to just read them and be done with it. His breath gets caught in his throat. He's not sure what he’s just read. He wants to be absolutely sure.

So reads them again...and again...and again...

"You are my heartbeat, Without you my heart never settles, My eyes may bleed but their search for you is A tale I wanna tell.

Should I name it, 'Reckless'? Cause it's endless, might Call me shameless but baby You're mine and I wanna be yours and I promise you, my darling, This love is so pure cause Damn! I'm feeling secure.

But be aware, if you decide to Leave me one day and Cross a thousand oceans

Call it Shady or simple madness,

I swear to you, my darling, I'll bring you ashore."

After reading it for what feels like a millionth times, Colson finally looks back up at Marshall and this time he cannot keep the tears at bay. But Em cannot have that, so he tugs him closer and holds him tight.

He doesn't want to break the beautiful moment but he's feeling so relieved that he pulls back. He needs Colson to know and truly understand that he's very serious about this... them...this whole relationship thing.

"I hope this answers all your questions cause you've already answered mine. This is a rough draft but you'll get the final product on your birthday and sweetheart... the whole world will witness it too."

Marshall tries to put all the love he feels for Colson, in those words. So the moment he finishes his confession, Colson slams into him and just hug him tight. He tries to laugh and kiss and bury himself simultaneously in Em's neck; he wants to surround himself with only Marshall... his Em.

Marshall in return, softly kisses Colson's forehead, before hugging him even closer. Its feels good to be loved, really loved. To be in love without any fear; and so for the first time in a long time, Em finally, without any doubt or hesitation, smiles.

[daomaikeng]

@ot3flopped

I AM COMING AT YOU

First of all, this is nothing personal, I just hate you. Read this whole thing with a cool brain for once.

Because you keep popping in my feed when I don't even follow you and I've reported you at least 5 times.

You are without a doubt going to find loopholes or grammatical/spelling mistakes in this rant and you're going to attack me for it, but that's only because you're too egoistic to accept that you're an idiot. You may even ignore the main point i'm trying to make and focus on one sentence or whatever. You'll get stuck on one out of place or irrelevant sentence. I may have started a war and you may report me as many times as you like for whatever, but I don't care. I'm proud that I stood up for what I believe in. People do see your posts and hate them, but at least I did something about it.

I honestly think you need help. You should maybe show your blog to a professional and then let's see if they call it "a lovely place" and "the best thing I've seen during quarantine". I don't know how your filthy followers think your blog is a lovely place. And also no wonder you don't have many followers because people actually love ot3. It is NOT ok to bully anyone, even celebs.

The people you insult are someone's idols. Someone has remained alive because of them. They've helped someone through their dark days. You don't get any right to insult the person or their fans because simply, it's got NOTHING to do with you.

I don't like Justin Bieber, Lizzo and Billie Eilish, but I don't insult them. They all have massive fandoms, and they mean so much to each and every fan. Just because I don't like them, doesn't give me the right to humiliate and make fun of them. Just because I don't agree with it doesn't give me the right to call their fans crazy. It may mean the world to the fans. And you know, when you speak about ot3 the way you do, it hurts. It actually really hurts. Ngl, I cried last night after stalking you [which was probably a mistake but yeah, it happened. It made me sick.]

Harry Styles is not the most perfect person on this planet. He has flaws too, just like everyone else. I could say so many bad, false things about H or Zayn, but I won't, because I love them and accept them for who they are. And also I won't stoop down to your level.

You don't believe in Larry. Understandable. But that does NOT mean that you can insult fans or shippers. If you need to know, I'm the same anon who asked you what you're going to do when Larry come out, and you called me deluded. No worries. I'm used to it. I'm a Larry shipper.

I also asked you that your blog can simply be a Harry Styles fan blog, but you don't need to drag ot3 down. You replied saying that it is indeed a Harry fan blog. NO. It's not. It's a place where you simply hate on ot3 and try to prove your point by using rumours and irrelevant words.

If you are indeed a Harrie, I'm assuming you believe in treating people with kindness. Even though you may not like the song, he's your 'idol' (who I'm not going to insult because I'm not a jerk) and you are most probably going to hang on to his every word.

You say that Harry hated his bandmates and similar shit. [Once again, you are going to attack me saying "I NEVER SAID THAT STOP TWISTING MY WORDS"] Yeah whatever. According to you, Harry was the only good person in One Direction and he believed they were foolish idiots and so he distanced himself from them but he's still humble. Bullshit. BULLSHIT.

Harry loved and to this day loves each and every single one of them. I'm not going to believe your baseless facts.

If you do believe in tpwk (which, even if you don't, you should, you dumbfuck) then why the hell is Liam the exception to your so-called kindness? He said he was suicidal, he said his mental health is deteriorating, and if he's finally doing something that makes him happy {the YT weekly things that made you call him a clown}, then why do you have to ruin it? We are loving it!

LP1 was definitely not his best work, he could have done better, but hey, it makes him happy. He's experimenting with new music, he's getting a chance to make music his way, however he wants, so why poke your nose in between? Don't listen to the album if you don't want to, easy as that.

And he's doing it so casually, he's enjoying himself, we're enjoying watching him, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Not everyone has to be a perfect YouTuber. It's ok if Zayn's tattoo artist made a mistake in the poem. Just because you think you're perfect (jokes on you mate, you're not) does not mean people are not allowed to make mistakes.

Everybody makes mistakes. And everybody is allowed to make them. It's part of being human. People make mistakes. They're forgiven. Big deal?

So what if Niall is half naked on Instagram and he shows his chest hair? If you don't want to watch it, don't. Easy shit. No one is forcing you to look at him. So what if he slid into some Arabella's DMs? His life bruh smh

It's so easy to bully a celebrity. You think it's ok because they'll never see them. Maybe they'll never see those posts, but that does not mean it's ok to bully them. They already have such low self esteem because of staying in the limelight 24/7, and just when they get it back, there's people like you waiting.

I made 4 drafts trying to speak to you properly, but I've decided to fight fire with fire. Maybe it wasn't the best decision, but I'm willing to take the risk. Maybe I shouldn't be wasting my time doing this, writing to you when you'll stop reading after the first paragraph, but I will not let you spread hate. I'll report you and I will END you if it's the last thing I do.

Most of the times, I don't call out hateful people on the internet, because I assume they're having a bad day and yk sometimes it happens.. I'm not perfect either. But you do this everyday. Every single post. You might have low self esteem and you channel that hate on your blog. You are a bully.

I honestly don't want to be mean and I didn't want to generalise (also no offence to solo Harries who are not jerks) but you are the definition of a solo Harrie. Hear me out, I'm not saying every single one of you is bad, some of them are actually really good. But there's lots like you who believe Harry Styles is the best gift this universe gave us and no one else on the planet compares to him because he's perfect. I love him endlessly but his fans are obnoxious. It's people like you who feel the need to interfere everywhere. Like for example, that Billie-Zayn-Louis drama. What the hell did Harries have to do with anything?? You think you guys own the Internet. Sorry to burst your bubble, you don't. It's people like you who hate on ot4/ot3 and you shut down his social media presence. It's now used only for promotions. Poor kid's been in the spotlight for 10 years, give him a damn break.

Do you ever think Harry sees the tweets about his bandmates and feels his heart break? Harry and Zayn were not the only members of One Direction. Each one of ot5 made One Direction what it was. It would've been hella different if even one of them wasn't there. One Direction never was and never will be Harry&Co.

You guys are also in love with Modest! management, and I will not even go there because this rant will be twice as long. All I can say is, you're blind. You're fucking blind.

So what if Louis acted like a kid and he comes across as immature? He can be whatever the fuck he wants to be, he doesn't need your approval. He's been through so much shit and he'd give his life for the 1D boys. I can't imagine how someone can be this rude and hateful. And I saw an anon on your blog about the Torn performance, where Louis was lip-syncing. Like, bruh, duh! He missed rehearsals and Harry carried it, big deal! Everyone knows he lip-synced, even Simon, and everyone knows the reason why. They didn't even try to hide it.

I don't expect you to immediately fall in love with ot3 and start stanning them [here's the part where you say "as if I'd ever like those losers" in that case FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE] but I tried. If you feel even a bit of remorse, a tiny drop of regret [which I know you will though you'll never admit it] and if you have even a bit of feelings and kindness and compassion left in you, I succeeded.

Please -I'm not begging you, simply asking- spread love. As I said, make your blog a Harry fan blog, which you can do even if you don't hate on ot3. To prove your devotion to Harry, you don't need to hate on his bandmates.

Thank you for reading this.

I hope the best for you. Truly.

[shakespeareanqueer]

Writing Masterpost

Been hoarding a bunch of posts about writing in my drafts. Figured I’d compile them all, with some semblance of organization. Enjoy!

Woah meta! (Other masterposts)

Help, I’m A Writer! (Pinterest board)

some fucking resources for all ur writing fuckin needs

Some writing resources- a running list

Guidelines for Pairing Typefaces

Resources for Writing Sketchy Topics

Miscellaneous 

Some funny tweets about writing

writers: (some random tips and tricks)

Writer’s Self Care

Writer’s Block / Not Writing

Some tips on getting over writer’s block

A Writer's Guide to Writing When You Don't Feel Like it

Some advice on filling out your chapters

How To Improve Writing Between Drafts

Writing Deaf/HoH Characters

FAQ on Writing Signed Language

How to Write Deaf Characters - From a real Deaf person’s perspective

On The Industry

Some Unsolicited Advice for Aspiring Writers: You Are Not an Exception to the Rule

What Writing Agents Look For in Debut Novels

Reference Images and Other Dramaturgy

Edwardian Hairstyles

Victorian Hairstyles

WWII Hairstyles

List of Gender Neutral Names with Meanings and Origins

Losing Your Words / Word choice

A few helpful sites

Words to Replace Said, Except This Actually Helps

I am a Writer looking for An incredibly specific word that I can’t remember

Finding the Perfect Name

The Bones: World-Building, Pacing, etc.

world-building: problems

The Two Types of Pacing

Planning A Scene In A Story

Tips On Starting A Scene

Romance

Ways For Your Characters to Realize They’re In Love

Writing...

Murder

Emotion

Realism

Horror

Wings

Character (Conflict, Journey, Traits, Voice & Webs)

Character Conflict

A Character Journey in 4 Steps

Character Traits vs. Stilted Language

What You Need to Know Most About Character Voice

Writing Tip: Character Webs

Body Language and Emotion

Body Language Cheat Sheet for Writers

Emotion and Body Language Writing Cheat Sheet

The Best Things to Remember When Writing a Highly Emotional Scene

Prompts

64 Sensory Prompts