#twice my goal and then some!
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Ember Warrior is now 55,500 words long!
#OHHHHH#a full 1250 words today#twice my goal and then some!#basically i had a big moment after rearranging the chapters into a sensible order yesterday#and now the plot is more or less in place#maybe i will add or subtract one or two chapters in the future#but!#i actually know what is happening when now!#and writing the later chapters and knowing what is happening with Navaeli + Crislie + Meparik all at once is aaaaaaaaaaa sad#VERY spoilery but#Navaeli finishes helping Morekai take control of the Ashen Army only to realize too late that she really really shouldn't have#and Meparik completes his diplomacy mission only to regret ever going in the first place because Navaeli sends him a last letter#and Crislie is sent off to invade her own home village (feeling something is off the whole time) and learns that#her Ma and her brother unwittingly fled to somewhere even more dangerous#and the fact that all three of them are entirely split up is exactly what Morekai needed#in order to put Navaeli into a position where she has no (real) choice but to let Silamir steal her body again#hkghdkhgd i am very sorry characters i am feeling very much for you#but also this does not stop me from writing the bad things happening to you#in fact it makes me even more motivated than before#(also don't worry i am not killing off Navaeli)#(in any permanent fashion)
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Just a girl who wants to be her mother’s daughter in the ways that matter
#Such a tenacious go getter & the smartest woman ik#Has NEVER looked back at a man twice. Knows she’s beautiful & that attention is guaranteed. Never desperate for male validation ever#The best fashion sense ik. She’s the epitome of classic & vintage#Doesn’t gaf what others are doing / is always tunnel visioned on her own goals#A mega workaholic and like. Maybe I’d rather balance but still she’s still an overachiever#I feel im becoming more and more like her by the day but still I have some work to do#Need to be more focused & to stop entertaining little boys fr#I just want to move w the unshackling confidence & elegance she seems to emanate effortlessly#I swear that woman was born that way!!!! So unfair for the rest of us mortals#Why does no one talk about the psychological torture that comes w having a naturally gorgeous genius mother#I’m dying over here I just wanna be like her but im pushing that boulder up the hill all the time#Meanwhile she’s always just On#HOW#Just an eldest daughter having a crisis about her mother who is also#The eldest daughter out of her and her two brothers#I need to journal about this I need to meditate#How to manufacture the drive that your mother was simply endowed with at birth#Not even joking I just got off my internship and now im sitting on a swing under the late May sun having a crisis about this
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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Fascinated by how many people are picking the Daycare Attendant on that poll, I would have been soo scared of Sun
#i think sun would've liked me though which is a fun thought#i was always like the least chaotic to the point of always having to wrangle in the other kids my age#some of my earliest memories are... demanding a toddler my age to drop a sharp object#running after my friend who was ringing all the doorbells while i apologized to every person who answered their door#stopping a for-fun rock fight. twice at least#walking my friend home and comforting them after they got hurt#my mum also told me i've never thrown a temper tantrum in my entire life#oh telling my friends not to play by the fast river or frozen pond. yes i KNOW it's ice. it can BREAK. AND THE POND'S ON PRIVATE PROPERTY#[softly] why are you climbing so high up the tree#ohhh right yeah i forgot i also ended up having to help that kid get back down off the tree. just remembered#i was not the fuck around and find out kid. i wasn't about to let anyone else find out either#I COMPLETELY WENT OFF COURSE INTO NOSTALGIA. EXCUSE ME. my point WAS... i would have made it my goal to help with Sun's job#still wouldve been a little scared of him though
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drdttober day sixteen - supernatural
#this is.. late :(#drdt#danganronpa despair time#drdttober2023#drdttober 2023#teruko tawaki#xander matthews#whit young#OK I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS LATE#it has been my like number one goal to do this each day even if it’s like. 11 p#m#but night before last i was up until 4 am doing an assignment#and yesterday i was like. very tired. i did some work but at like 5:30 i was like. i need a 30 min power nap#so i went to sleep and um. suddenly it’s 6 am and i have to leave#i am very sorry i will be posting twice today
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Sitting down to floss and brush my teeth has been lifechanging. On a completely unrelated note how the fuck am I supposed to have this skeleton for several more decades. It’s all over for me lads 😔
#knees hurt. hips hurt. back hurts. wrists hurt. swag#it’s not this bad most of the time but by the end of the day it’s like auuuugh#it really is too bad that I’ve got extreme doctor fears because of the IssuesTM!#and oh yeah I don’t have health insurance LOL…#which I am using as a convenient excuse to avoid going to the doctors LOL#i have some doctor ~traumas~ I think LOL!#im working up to it. it’s glacial. sometime this year maybe?#I went twice as an adult and both times were for health forms for college enrollment#I’ve been to the ER and an urgent care once or twice though so clearly I’m FINE…#this is BAD do not be like me#but it’s only become clear to me in the past year or two that the incidents in my childhood reeeeally affected me#and to have US healthcare be such a profoundly difficult and punitive process basically means I am just never going to like jump through#those hoops only to be confronted with a severe phobia lol#im not saying that’s a reasonable train of thought but it’s more that that’s my subconscious reasoning#but it is a 2024 goal to get seen by a doctor#but the other thing is that it’s so fucking clear to me that they will do NOTHING for either PMDD or my joint pain which are my chief#complaints at the moment#but like i should probably be like getting routine panels and Pap smears :-(#everything’s SO EXPENSIVE…#They’ll be like give me your blood. ok all normal everything is healthy. ok that’ll be literally $200#:-(#ugh I’m upsetting myself just thinking about doctors. ok Goodnight#(with full intention to keep scrolling)
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bestie bestie have you seen the poltergayst art :D? the sillies!!! ive drawn them!!
im thinkin about drawing killer having like just weird or disturbing features, like his jaw hanging barely attached or something cuz he doesn’t understand Skeleton Monster anatomy and i honestly have so many ideas for this au cackles
yes!!! yes i've seen them >:D
i just arrived home so i'm reblogging them all simultaneously but waa these beans are so interesting to daydream about...
Like look at him look at our ghostie killie omggg<33333
#ask#my art#poltergayst au#i'm unwell when it comes to kross and kross aus in general but this? aughghg the fluff potential is immense......#i do wonder if killer can leave the house? yknow for very valid reasons like dates and stuff >;D#cross is like 'you need some clothes' because he can't go out naked smh look at how bad killer has it in this world 😔</3#i'm guessing he can't even after getting his physical form? idk but one thing i will say is that he probably like. begs cross to get a cat#even if the apartment has no pets allowed he would find a way to smuggle a kitten like cmon this is killer we're talking about HHH#i want them to watch a movie and have them curl around eachother (killer with his eight limbs or smthing) and just. stay like that forever#waghgh the dream....the goal >:')c <333#anyways be right back imma reblog the ones i didn't see yet!!! thanks for passing byy and don't think twice about tagging me in any updates#muah muah have a nice day))<3333
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Lol I was telling my husband I have to resist the siren song of my stard. farm cus I need to play RnScp. Then I logged into RnScp to get three farming achievements the moment I load in. The call of agriculture lives within me.
#omg I cannot wait to grow herbs in our apartment#I also want to grow other stuff too like maybe some strawberries or green beans#but I need to research how Canada climate works and stuff#I have lvl 105 farming#which is the xp equivalent of getting lvl 99 twice#which used to be the max level possible in the skill#but it's a 120 now which is my goal#I want that shiny farming cape....#ill get it in maybe 3 years#sunny speaks
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{Hero Archetypes: The More... something version}
The Fallen Hero
You are the Fallen Hero, a tragic embodiment of betrayal, vengeance, or perhaps a heart-wrenching love story turned awry. Whether exposed to corrupting influences, manipulated by deal-makers, brainwashed, extorted, blackmailed, or witnessing the destruction of sacred bonds, your descent into darkness is marked by profound sorrow and loss. You might have turned for the sake of greed. Yet within, a lingering spark of hope remains, compelling you to reluctantly extend assistance to the newcomers. Motivated by the sincere desire to shield them from the same tragic fate you endured, you find yourself driven to guide and protect, despite the shadows of your own past.
tagged by: @tarnishedxknight
tagging: anyone!!
#quiz#((*taps fingers together* I have;;; thoughts on this#so this isn't. quite accurate for Gylfie as she does have morals and does act for what is good#which is going against Vayne and fighting for all of Ivalice instead of continuing to blindly go with Archadia's expansion#because she knows Vayne will destroy Ivalice in his constant need for power and Archadia will devour herself before she's full#so Gylfie never fell in the sense of turning on what is right and following Vayne without question#or continuing to believe that it was the destiny of the Empire to conquer all#with that all said - I can see her having a corruption arc and I think that'd be fun to explore heh#but also this is accurate with how Gylfie sees *herself*#I really should write a post about this at some point lol#but Gylfie doesn't believe herself to be a good person whatsoever. She used to believe Archadia was the best of the best for *years*#and felt it appropriate for the Empire she loved so much to continue her expansion and that Rozarria was 100% the enemy#and... never thought twice about the smaller kingdoms caught in the warpath#her mother's criticism of Archadia slowly began to chip at that but she wasn't disillusioned until Nabudis because *that*#was something she absolutely couldn't get behind no matter how she felt about the Empire. it was a horrific and brutal act that greatly#disturbed her and really snapped her out of it#also Ffamran leaving did make her start to question things a bit but not quite enough#anyway my point is: Gylfie doesn't believe herself to be a good person. she believes herself to be a *product* of war#to be too much like her father to be a good person#and that she's done so much harm that there is no room for her to be good#with that said she doesn't necessarily see herself as a horrible person but. definitely not a good one#and ABSOLUTELY doesn't see herself as *any* kind of hero - she'd honestly just laugh if someone called her one#but she had been brainwashed essentially and she had witnessed destruction of sacred bonds#and she has acted selfishly and she has done horrible things in the name of the Empire#but she also tries so hard to do *right* despite it all. she *wants* Archadia to be better#she *wants* Ivalice to remain whole and she does what she can to see Vayne defeated and Archadia changed for the better#her goal of becoming Judge Magister changes from her believing it was her birthright to her wanting to be one to make sure Archadia#stays on track and continues to do better under Larsa's rule because she knows he'll make the Empire *better*#and she's willing to do whatever she can to protect him and protect Archadia's future#but with that she may have to do things that wouldn't necessarily be considered *good*
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Felt gross as hell but then I cried about it and prayed and went for a walk and now I feel better 👍
#selfcare
#this is glib but I forget how much I need to go on my silly little walk#I thought the only purpose was to be outside and I’m outside on the way to work#but actually it’s to have time to think and breathe without doing stuff#and I felt that benefit today#and I said hi to god :-)#and I cried which was lovely#I don’t usually properly cry like ever; but if I listen to sad music I can get myself going and it’s really healing#I’ve had that like choking on sobs cause you cry every time you try to breathe crying twice in my whole life; once when my s/o was leaving#for school again and in the shower the night before they left I cried about it#and the other when I was in residence still a few weeks after I came out of the psychosis and was being eaten alive by guilt and just broke#down with the grief of it#also in the shower. my s/o always cries doing dishes and I always cry in the shower lol#but it was actually so healing to cry that second time; I felt like I really wrenched out some of the sadness with it#anyway. episode ? of anne treats tumblr like her diary#anne speaks#but this post is mainly to remind myself to go for walks and chill more often#but today I need to sleep! that’s my main goal for tonight
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so hi hello, it's been a hot minute!! whether twitter's done kidnapping my attention remains to be seen but i guess now's as good a time as any to go over some stuff i've been up to. for simplicity's sake i'll keep it limited to Little Gaming Things(tm):
thanks to what i'm choosing to blame on botw and hollow knight i'm now deeply in love with action-adventure games??? at least that's where most of my focus has been lately (special shoutouts to haiku the robot and hyper light drifter for being stand-outs i enjoyed a lot). i'm still afflicted with Hollow Knight Brain though so i've kept playing it p consistently over the past year too... i unlocked absrad as i was hoping to do, did steel soul+steel heart, started playing hk on pc to mess around with mods, did steel soul+steel heart again on pc, most recently did pantheon 1 all bindings and finished up the individual bindings for pantheons 1-4 on my og switch file (i'm VERY sincerely proud of those 5 lifeblood masks lol)
......... and uhh. i did one other thing back in april on the pc file:
hmmmm!!!!! yeah. yup.
#looks at literally the last post i made here before this one. laughs and laughs and laughs#IN MY DEFENSE... a) my only real goal was to unlock the PoH exclusive bosses on my pc file too; also#b) up to this point i'd only beaten absrad in the hall of gods *TWICE*#twice out of well over 100 attempts#i expected nothing and look what happened anyway!!!! smh#also ngl it was indescribably surreal to watch godhome ending 1 play out in its *intended* context i.e. as something i triggered myself#just. whew!!!!!!!!#that said it was also funny bc as far as steam is concerned i beat pantheon of hallownest on my first try lmao#(ftr this was my 4th try including the switch file)#anyway: i'm probably gonna crosspost some twitter stuff over the coming days so here's fair warning of that 8')b!#hollow knight /-#light scribes
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Apparently my goddaughter is a blink, I’m gonna make it my mission to make her listen to more groups 😤
#Stayc and twice is my goal she would love it imm sure#i ask her if she want to me to show some groupe she said no fksbdjbd#alex.txt
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O everturning wheel of Fate I beg thee: please just be cool okay just let this one thing go according to plan I feel like I paid upfront for this in several respects and I know that’s not like, how it works usually, I get that that’s the whole bit I really do and that’s totally fine, but this time I’m asking real nicely and I don’t think it’s like toooo too much to ask so please maybe just leave the wheel right where it is on this one if that’s cool by you it’d be so great for me thanks
#personal#nonsense.txt#this is about my twice-rescheduled top surgery being two weeks out and me being unable to believe in its impending reality#some kind of horrid game of duck duck goose but with a scalpel#will they won’t they tune in next surgery date to find out#I feel weird about talking about myself on my fandom blog so I’m putting it in the tags which might be even weirder?? idk#this is also about a job application i really want to work out#im having a weird one over here#my goal is to transmute my anxieties into a light chuckle for internet friends and strangers#the mortifying ordeal etc etc
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reread Ekleipsis bc I got some very nice comments on it and wanted to revisit it 2 years later and u know what?? I think it still holds up p well! There are slight typos and parts I wish I could’ve lengthened, foreshadowed more, or gotten Deep into the lore/characters abt, but considering I was busting out a chapter a day and had it done in a dang month I do think it’s pretty good as a lil story!! Would love to do more art for it or revisit the world in some way some day. Babies first real Big Original work 🥺 in my mind it’s still kind of the first draft version, but I’m still proud regardless… ❣️
#I do recommend the ao3 version atm bc it has less typos however it does have SOME and when I have more time I’ll comb it again and fix them#also lol name a more iconic duo than me and doing monthly challenges#I’ve done so many at this point I’ve lost count#that was nanowrimo. I’ve done the 30 days of otps challenges TWICE.#100 fanmews challenge.#(one a day)#30 day magical girl challenge. 30 day monster challenge. that year long drawing challenge#daily may LAST MONTH!!!#I LOVE setting little goals and going ham#I kind of want to do nano again but maaaybe not this year#my year challenge has been keep posting 1 weekly page of the comic each week all year#and so far I haven’t missed a week halfway into the year! I was one day late on one but rly. not so bad#also I put my Ekleipsis ocs on AF I am curious if anyone will draw them? :0#excited 2 see which ocs ppl are drawn to the most eeeee I’m so excited for art fight#I’m considering doing speedpaints for all my attacks or even trying daily attacks ??#or both of those things. maybe#it will depend on my energy and schedule around then I’m not going to hold myself to that very strictly#oh speaking of monthly challenges tho next year I would LOVE to try femslash Feb#and also maybe OCtober or huetober or even inktober again bc I did do that one year too#OR MERMAY!! omg I’ve never done mermay that’s CRAZY (loves mermaids so much I have a mermaid tat)
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Getting asked at the Gym by my trainer: "So what was your reason for deciding to work out like this?"
What I said: "Just want to finally get on top of my health."
What I meant, "I feel dumb for this being my mini fitness dream, but I always wanted to be one day asked to in one of those mr beast hide and seek videos. i dont even want the money (i do need it but this is a silly dream im talking about) I just want to be the guy who is absolutely batshit insane but seemed normal when first on camera but is like. hiding gymnastic king god. My proudest accomplishment is that I've never been found in a hide and seek game. It's lame as hell. I want it so bad.
Do I think this would ever happen? fuck no. But I pretend in my mind it will and it gets me up to work out bc what if mr beast turned up at my door like "Hi niche faceless guy who used to stream 10 years ago but didn't keep up with it. be in my video." then he flies me to America to be in a video.
My second dream for when the first one doesn't get me out of bed is "the circus will never hire you if you wont even get out of bed"
either way im still clown
#“you have a trainer why do you need mr beast money”#bc that's the only thing I spend money on that isn't food or fuel#i live with a family member that needs in house care but she pays our bills in exchange for that#so i dont have bills to pay right now#that wont last forever though so im trying to get a better job#bc i cant keep just selling pictures of my hands to that one british guy i only know by his ulquiorra pfp#plus i only see my trainer twice a month compared to some of the other people he sees multiple times a week#he lets me know how much progress i made and gives tips and shit. plus lets me know things like what i need change for certain goals#bc im bad at research and hate using the internet so idm paying someone to just. help me sometimes#i should do furry commissions and get bank#but i haven't drawn furry stuff for years except for my pfp#and that was just a quick thing from b4 i knew how to work firealpaca or just digital art in general
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Oh man I should not watch old Jenna Marbles videos because I just end up wanting to dye my hair insane colours at home
#i haven’t dyed my hair in nearly two and a half years now. january 2021 i did a box dye which was ‘black cherry’#prior to that i used to dye my hair maybe twice a year#i didn’t really make a conscious decision not to dye it again.. i mean for a while i wanted to leave it alone because i had the ultimate#goal of bleaching it; but then i decided that would be insane#and then i became a teacher and wanted to leave my appearance boring to maximise job opportunities#some schools and colleges are really chill about visible tattoos; piercings & unnatural hair colours; but some are really really not#i feel like red is sort of always allowed even if it’s blatantly not a natural red; but anything else probably wouldn’t work#but now i’m not a teacher anymore 🎉#no one at my current workplace has dyed hair though. gerry has tattoos though and i know it’s a pretty relaxed environment#(case in point: pamela wearing sunflower pants in the office)#OH someone on retail has dyed dark red hair. which is exactly what i mean. red is the exception! why#tl;dr i might dye my hair. all i have on deck is a dark brown box dye though#i’m ngl; i Really Badly want to do dark blue but i know it might actually send my grandma into cardiac arrest#the brown seems fine for now. it’ll make me happy. i have been in the fucking trenches of knee rehab for 6 weeks now..#i need to do something nice for myself#it’s a temporary dye anyway. so when it fades i can get a fairly forgiving red dye and just whack that on there#red is good. i look good with red hair. this is known#personal
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