#two: apologizing to rachel for telling her to fuck off that one time after she gave marianne shit for being rightfully upset asdfjhjfaj.

[wifeofsnowbaird]

can you do a Tom Blyth x reader where they are filming like a romcom or something and they fall in love over the course of filming? i was thinking fluff but i would not be upset if it somehow ended up with some smut in their trailer ;) , just follow your heart!! lots of love ❤️

ofc! I’m absolutely shitty at smut tho i might try with this one but idk so fluff it is❤️ it’s gonna have 3 parts bc it’s definitely gonna need more than a short post!

this first part isnt really when they're filming i just wanted Tom to have a slight crush after seeing ur story and wanted a small scene with Rachel and Josh!

So long I've been out in the rain and snow.

But the winter's come and gone, and a little bird told me so.

Part 1/Part 2/

(Tom Blyth x actress!reader)

summary: you and Tom meet for the first time while Josh is in the middle of the livestream. It's become the new famous ship of the internet.

You were one of the newest actresses in Hollywood and luckily you managed to grab a role with one of the most famous actors right now, Tom Blyth.

Ever since he starred in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, people have been thirsting for him like he was water.

You wouldn't lie, you were one of them, but you two were supposed to meet in a coffee shop, reciting your lines and you were late.

" Oh you're [Name] [Last name], nice to meet you! Sorry, my friends decided to follow me here. "

Tom grinned, blue eyes twinkling in the sunlight, an apology gleaming in his pupils.

"No worries, it's fine! I'm so sorry I'm late, it was just traffic!"

" Don't worry, I'm just glad you made it!"

You took in a deep breath and extended your arm for a handshake. Surprisingly, he hugged you instead. You met the two 'friends' who are actually fucking Josh Rivera and Rachel Zegler who were seemingly livestreaming on Instagram.

" And here is the new couple! Say hi, you two love birds!"

Tom rolled his eyes before letting you go to tell Josh off.

" We aren't dating, we actually just met."

Josh turned, confused for a second before gazing at Tom's phone that was left on his chair.

"Wait, seriously? Didn't you see a post of her being your new co-star in that rom-com you're doing and started bragging a lot to Rachel and me? What's it?"

He thought for a minute before his eyes lit up and he smiled brightly.

"Oh, yeah! Sweet truth, where a girl had a bunch of exes tell lies and cheat but then finds a man who tells her nothing but the truth?"

Tom hissed and shut Josh up by covering his mouth, before he noticed Rachel leaning toward confused you, beginning to tell you the whole story.

His panicked face turned red.

" So it was a couple weeks ago, we were just calmly hanging out after reshooting some Ballad scenes when Tom showed us your Insta where you were like, I don't know, talking about the movie you're gonna be in! He was literally obsessed, I am not kidding."

She shrugged as Tom glared at her for spilling his secret.

"I'm sorry, I mean you're beautiful and I-"

He cleared his throat, unable to continue because of his embarrassment.

You giggled, shrugging.

" It's cool, I mean I think you're hot-I mean handsome too."

Inside you were literally screaming at yourself for exposing the fact that he's your celebrity crush.

" Uh, guys, I hope this isn't method acting because I'd be really disappointed in you, Tom" Josh snickered, sharing a mischievous glance with Rachel.

Tom rolled his eyes, smiling at you before beckoning to the chair beside him.

" Let's, uh, practice...?"

[annetictac]

Like I used to watch you sleep - Chapter 10

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Max cancels three days before the show. He doesn’t tell her much except a quaint apology and they don’t speak much until a couple of days after the show is done.

She focuses on drowning intrusive, panic driven thoughts that feed off of her insecurities. Roberto’s interview is everywhere but she refuses to watch it. She takes the advice from Lorena and Rachel to let them handle it. The blackout from media has been a comforting accidental tool for it.

She focuses on rehearsal, on writing, on developing the idea of the album she’s been envisioning.

Daniel, Heidi and Lando do come to the show. It is a wonderful performance. Everything goes according to plan. She does a medley of ten of her songs, the crowd is animated and she has to stop herself from throwing herself over them. She takes her guests with her to the after party in a well known rooftop club. It’s then when, after some hours after the initial euphoria has settled that sadness creeps little by little. She had picked up a dress to wear for Max, she had picked the club, Rachel had vetted everything so there would be no leeks.  

“Fuck Max!” Lando cries as he swings an arm around her drunkenly, unknowingly addressing the subject of her souring mood. “He should have been here! You were awesome!” He squeezes her shoulder and drops a drunken kiss on the side of her face. She finds drunk Lando is too easy to love. He’s the little brother she wished she never had, because she would be cleaning up for him all the time. But he had been nothing but sweet. She had already introduced him to most of her squad, most of them older than him. She had been able to pick, he hadn’t really acted on what he said before arriving, he had been staying attached to her side, saying nonsense and dropping a bit of shit on Max to make her laugh.

Daniel laughs loudly besides him shaking his head. His eyes meet hers and she knows she’s not the only one who is not as drunk as the rest. Lando is gone as soon as one of her friends takes him to the dance floor. Danny drops near her, offering his beer.

“You ok?” he asks near her.

“Yeah”.

“I’m sure it was something important, he was excited to come,” he offers and there’s no need to say to whom Daniel is referring to. She shrugs. “He even asked me where he could buy a suit, and that’s big for him, you know?” She tries summoning a smile to match Danny’s grin but all he gets is another grimace.

“I think we are being stupid again,” she confesses softly.

“Why?” he asks, signalling the waiter to bring them something.

“There’s no way this thing can work,” she adds.

“Why?”

“Stop being a four-year-old,” she whines, but slowly and small smile shows.

“Why?” He asks grinning. “I’ve learned this advanced psychology technique from my nephews!” he announces proudly.

She sighs in defeat.

“I just…” She feels the bubble of containment she has been in the last weeks beginning to burst. Danny always had that effect in him, to feel you could tell him everything. He was always surprisingly discreet. Champagne arrives, she thanks the server who gives her a flute and Danny for asking it. “I don’t know how to do casual, meaningless, flirty whatever…” she mumbles hiding behind the thin flute. Danny nods saying nothing. “And with Max…”

“You know he doesn’t do casual either…” he continues encouragingly, bumping his shoulder with hers. “You practically moved with each other a month after you first met!” he adds jokingly but notices too late the joke doesn’t land well.

“And you see how it ended…” she drinks the remains of the flute, taking a deep breath.

“Anna!” Rachel appears with another bottle of champagne. Anna raises to meet her friend, squeezes Danny’s shoulder in thanks, drinks quickly another flute before going dancing with her friends.

Max calls her directly two days after. She lets the phone go to voicemail.

Max: can we talk?

She hates how much it costs her to ignore him. Rachel has her prepping for the next few weeks, since they will have their first F1 commitment two weeks before season start.. She knows it’s something that should only involve de F1 academy with their female drivers. Then there’s also the inaugural show that will also be the launch of the first two singles of the new album.

When she goes to bed she finally caves into answering him, however shortly she can. 

Annie P: sure.

Twenty minutes after he calls her. Videocalls her. She accepts reluctantly.

“Hey,” he says with a timid smile as his face appears on her screen, she can’t help to return with a hesitant smile of her own.

“What have you been up to?”

Max felt like shit for cancelling on Anna. He doesn’t know how to tell her he cancelled going to see her because Kelly appeared and ask to meet. It has been almost four months with zero contact when his ex-girlfriend had called, asked him to meet her the same day he was supposed to be going with Anna.

He didn’t tell anyone the real reason, waiting to see what the meeting was about. He’d been hopeful to see Penelope. Kelly had rejected to come to his house, telling him it would be hard on her to be back to his apartment. He’d offered to go to where she’d be.

They meet awkwardly, the greeting uncomfortable, not knowing if they should cheek – kiss, hug, shake hands. It’s Kelly who breaks the ice by chuckling at their mutual awkwardness. She smiles at him and he sees the girl he fell in love with two years ago. Penelope comes running to meet him, hair half done in a braid. He feels too happy holding her and for a second everything is how it used to be, the little family they had made. It’s Kelly’s saddened eyes that bring him to present.

They sit, coffee is served, Penelope drops to the floor distracted by her playthings.

“She’s missed you,” Kelly says softly when Penelope shows him new dolls she has.

“I’ve missed her too,” he returns. A part of him, the small part wired to please her wants to tell her he’s missed her too but he knows it’s not completely true. He misses the family dynamic they had. He can’t tell Kelly he misses her when his thoughts have been focused on someone else. It wouldn’t be fair on either of them.

It’s then and there she dropped the bomb on him.

“I’m pregnant.”

His fast reflexes all go to panic mode. Then Kelly laughs and panic mixes with confusion.

“Oh your face!” She manages to say as she leans away laughing loudly.

“You are not pregnant?” He stutters.

“Sorry I couldn’t help myself,” she adds smiling, squeezing his hand. “I am pregnant but it’s not yours”. He blinks, awkwardly.

“Are you sure?” he blurts, she has the nerve to giggle again.

“It’s impossible not to be, Max,” she squeezes his hand again. “It’s in vitro, so I’m 100% it’s not yours”.

She admits it was a somewhat hasty reaction to their breakup. She tells him part of her avoiding him was her trying to figure out how she felt about the pregnancy that was still in very early stages. It was a strangely cathartic conversation.

It was only after he left them, he recognized the relief he felt. It was closure.

He watches Anna’s presentation alone at home, with his cats curling around him. He had forgotten how magnetic she was on stage.

Now that we are done and it’s over,

I bet you couldn’t believe,

When you realise,

I’m harder to forget than I was to leave,

And I bet you think about me.

He remembers her older songs, not enough to sing every lyric but he knows the melodies well enough. She’s comfortable with her guitar, her hips swaying to the rhythm. They are three songs in when she dances to Shake it off, her beaded dress flying around her.

Then come those he hasn’t allowed himself to hear or read too much into them. His phone hasn’t stopped buzzing from Danny and Lando who are sending photos and videos. They are in great seats; he has seen them a couple of times when the cameras has showed them. There was an empty spot next to Danny, which should have been his.

I’ve known it from the very start,

We’re a shot in the darkest dark,

Oh no, oh no, I’m unarmed.

Lando: dude, you better not be at the sim.

Lando: she’s killing it!

I’m standin’ on a tightrope alone,

I hold my breath a little bit longer,

Halfway out the door, but it won’t close

I’m holding out hope for you to say,

“Don’t go”

I would stay forever if you say, don’t go.

Danny: I don’t know if you are watching this but… you should.

Danny: Say Don’t Go – published in 2020. First record she dropped after you two yk.

Why’d you whisper in the dark,

Just to leave me in the night,

Now your silence has me screamin’, screamin

Say, don’t go.

He doesn’t need Danny to tell him what’s so evident for him. He hadn’t heard this song. He purposely avoided the album she published after they were gone. He assumed he would get a reference in a song. But mostly because he was afraid there wouldn’t be. That he’d be another almost something in her life that she forgot about. Not worth the ink in her notebook.

There’s a part of him that wants to dive in the blackhole of her songs, to hear them all and look for clues of what she means and what they are about. But he doesn’t. He takes the que from Lando to do sim work to distract himself once Anna has finished her performance and the prize ceremony resumes.

He goes to sleep relatively early. Next day there are even more videos and photos from Danny and Lando. Many in which Anna can be seen dancing and in all having a great time. He’s not enough of an ass to have wished she didn’t, since it was him that bailed.

He waits to call her ‘til the next day because he remembers the day after was going to be hectic for her.

Like most things in his life, he does it directly and without much preamble. He apologizes. Max doesn’t give any excuse or really explains why he couldn’t go, but he kills any doubt she has with his bluntness. He’s earnest when he says he really wanted to be there with her. And she believes him. Because that’s who she is.

There’s also a part of her that doesn’t feel entitled enough to be really mad at him. It’s not like they are together, she tells herself again. Not really. She doesn’t doubt his interest and she knows he has a soft spot for her, but there’s a long way from there to a fully fleshed relationship. There’s been no exclusive tag discussed.

They manage to set a new date a week from there. It’s a much less firm plan. Now that he’s beginning to pick up his normal schedule, she knows there’s effort on his side to not let too much time pass. But it is a long shot. He has to be in Austria but he could squeeze in half a day to meet her in Paris, where she has to be for a photoshoot. It’s unstable because they both depend on everything going on time.

And it doesn’t. Because even if every meeting has started and ended with Swiss precision, weather cannot be planned. He’s the first to leave the airport early in the morning once they get clearance to flight and he barely has time to tell Rachel who agrees to surprise Anna.

He knocks a couple of times. The door opens and there she is. Her hair is down, she’s still wearing the colourful extensions she wore on the photoshoot. She opens the door wider, showing her silky robe tightly wrapped around her. She’s surprised to see him.

“Hi,” she greets, her eyes crinkling merrily as she grins.

“Hi,” he returns, takes a confident step and before they can distract themselves, Max takes her by the waist and kisses her. Like he has been longing to do since they parted in new year’s.

Her arms wrap around his neck as his foot pushes the door closed, dropping his bag on the floor without care. Tongues exploring, her fingers scratch his neck to pull him impossibly closer. Her urgency is contagious. He feels his senses being drown by her, as he nips, licks and kisses his way down her neck.

“Max,” she moans when he kisses the right spot after pushing her robe to fall over her right shoulder. She pushes harder her body to his, brushing with purpose to the tightness in his pants.   

“Keep that up and I won’t be able to do all the things I’ve planned,” he mumbles near her ear gaining a giggle.

“We have time,” she replies pushing him to the sofa. “Thirsty?” She asks between kisses.

“Did you hear me?” He asks clicking his tongue in disapproval as he drops on the couch, his hands feeling extremely empty as they wait for her to join him.

“I did,” she confirms humming stepping back from him, as she counts with her fingers with a smirk at his frustration. “I’ve got beer, german, Limoncello, Italian – “

“Duh,” he interrupts before she closes his mouth with her hand to avoid a new interruption. He bites her softly, eyes dark. He may be more patient now than when he was younger but he still doesn’t consider himself a patient person.

“Wine, French-“He licks her palm slowly, making her hand jump away, her cheeks rouging quickly, trapping her lip with her teeth. “Max-”

“I want you to stop-“ he interrupts her but quickly after she kisses him, shutting him up again. He takes advantage of her nearness to grab her ass and pull her towards him spreading her knees to his sides. There’s no resistance from her part. Another pull and he has her firmly over his lap, just where he wants her. Her centre so close to his. “This is better,” he hums, kissing the opening of her silky robe, confirming his suspicions that there was nothing else to hide her from him beneath the silky fabric. He kisses his way down to her sternum, her hips pushing looking for friction.

“Max-” At her tone he stops completely, his eyes clearer, straightening his back to the couch.

“Do you not want to-“ he asks. Maybe he’s read the situation wrong. Maybe she doesn’t-

“Oh no, I do,” she reassures giving him a kiss, that’s barely a peck, breaking his pessimistic thoughts. “I just- “ she doesn’t finish but he notices she’s blushing. There’s something terribly innocent about her, in spite of how very not innocent he knows her to be.

“Is something wrong?” his hands drop from her back, itching to go back touching her, but trying to give her some space. She touches his hands with the tip of her fingers hesitantly, looking down, not meeting his eye. Which is never a good sign. He doesn’t want to push but he has no clue of what has them stopping. She bites her lower lip as she looks at him uncertainly.

“How long are you staying?” Her posture releases whatever tension it had and he has to bite his tongue to avoid laughing at her nervousness for something so silly.  

“Well, that depends on how well you behave…” he answers seriously.

“Are you sleeping over?”

“That’s’ the plan, no?” He asks and he notices her narrowing eyes.

“You only said you’d be here, not for how long or if… ” she continues annoyed, which is another posture he doesn’t want her in.  

“Well, I make my firm confirmation on staying here the whole day and the whole night,” he uses her hold on his hands on his advantage again to pull her chest to his, kissing her. His arms now holding her comfortably “With you,” He adds another kiss, taking a little longer, biting her lower lip, feeling her back untense beneath his hands.  “Not leaving the bed,” another kiss than gains him a giggle that feels like a fourth championship. “Sleeping and eating optional,” he finishes with longer kiss than brings her back to where they were. They break staring at each other.

“I was trying to be polite,” she mutters, lips an inch from him. “I didn’t want you to think I was only bringing you here for sexual favours – which I am – but I don’t want you to know that right?” He laughs and kisses her again, his hands comfortably holding her back side. “A little drink here, a little conversation then, my plan’s flawless”.

“We’ve been talking for three weeks,” he counters, his nose pushing away the robe revealing there’s no bra hiding her beautiful teats from him. He sighs in reverence with a dreamy smile.

“That’s right,” she answers distractedly, his eyes have gotten dark and she knows hers must be the same. She already feels her lower regions tight, wet and warm.

“And I’m sure you are hydrated,” he mutters as he brushes with his lips her clavicle. Her breathing stops, she tries but fails to avoid pushing herself closer to where she wants his pouty lips. She hums not sure of what they were talking before. “I for sure am hydrated”. He continues glancing up, smirking at the sight of her hypnotized eyes before him.

She’s the impatient one this time, with a firm grip she pulls his head back before pressing her chest fully to his, her lips locking with his, her hips rolling into him. Her tongue battles his.

It’s his turn to moan when she arches her back, rubbing her centre to his again. There are still too many layers between them but he feels it as if they were both bare. His hands drop to her ass to help her and guide her rhythm. She breaks the kiss with a hiss and he takes his shot to lick one of her nipples. He knows he shouldn’t press too much right now, she’s too sensitive. She whines when he leaves one for the other and she tries muttering something but she quiets when he sucks it a bit harder.

“Take off your pants please,” she whispers, eyes closed, always polite.

“Open your eyes,” he commands in retribution, it takes her little more than a couple of seconds to open them. He helps her up on unstable legs, takes off his pants as quickly as he can, without harming himself.  

“Boxers off please,” she adds when he takes longer than she would like, she pulls the last of it off his feet, spreading her legs to his sides. His hands push away the robe that she has forgotten she still had on.

“Fuck Annie,” he whispers, worship evident in his eyes as he takes her in. His hands nervously touch her, a part of him not believing they can touch her like this again. It’s her turn to be shy, cheeks blushing.

“Max, it’s not like it’s the first time… not even the first time this year,” she mumbles sheepishly, cheeks red, feeling herself slipping closer to his centre, her hips absently returning to their dance of pressing and releasing.

“It sure as hell feels like it,” he confesses, eyes on hers saying much more than he could put to words.

She has to squash the tenderness of his voice from her heart. She kisses him, to avoid any other confession escaping her. She can’t tell him she has been thinking about him every day since they last saw each other. That the secret album she’s writing has taken a turn and instead of revenge it talks of promises of eternal love. Of new beginnings, of being better. She can’t tell him how she feels too much like last time before he broke them down, when she was so sure he had be the mythical perfect match. And it’s only been a few weeks. No matter how many times she has said to Rachel and the rest of her friends that they are just goofing around, there’s a part of her that’s hoping for more. For him to stay and not leave her like the last time. For this time to be it.

She kisses him because she feels if he tells her something more, words will slip from her, he’ll get scared and the fragile thing they have between them will break for good.

They kiss and her hips find rhythm with his as they rub together, and finally she lets him in. They go slow, his eyes not leaving hers, trying to lock out what she’s hiding. Because he knows her, and he knows she hides when she’s scared.

He tries to push softly, keeping himself from coming to soon, trying to enjoy the feel of her to make it last as long as he can. But there’s a limit to what he can hold back as she moves in synch with him, her breasts dancing along, her eyes half open – half closed.

“Fuck Annie,” he mutters again when her hips sway a bit differently, bringing him to the edge. She takes one of her hands to touch her clit, he takes her place after copying what she wants and where she wants him. She moans, hums and whines in agreement.

“Wait please,” she pleads. “I’m almost…”

“Can I…?”

“Yes, but please hold…” she moans her lips resting near his. That gains him a laugh, which makes everything vibrate deliciously, he doesn’t forget to press and rub her nub as he helps her move a bit faster until he feels her clench and relax. She smiles at him, her pace slowing down a bit further from climax. Her brow raises in confusion.

“Please hold the call, while I…” he mocks as he unexpectedly raises, taking her with him. Her arms jump surprised, to grab his shoulders. He lays her down on her back as he slips back in without much preamble, the new position giving him more leverage, gaining a long moan from her. He pushes a bit rougher, a bit harder, quickly taking her near to climax. The image in front enough to bring him back to the edge. “Open your eyes Annie,” he orders again. She opens them startled; she didn’t notice she had closed them again. He drops to his arms to her side, liking the feel of her chest closer to his. He feels her clench tighter, her head drops, he notices she fights keeping her eyes on his. He smirks pleased. “I want to hear you Annie,” he says feeling his release close. “I want you to see me fuck you”. She moans as he pushes slowly.

“Max, please don’t stop,” she pleads as she brings him impossibly closer with her arms on his back, her pussy is still tender from her climax. “Keep it up Max, fuck me harder,” she adds as she notices he tenses. Her legs tighten their hold on him, feeling his fluttering release. She doesn’t let go until she feels him relax in her arms. He kisses her lower jaw, as he rests his head on the side of her neck. His breathing tickling her.

Her hands brush his back for a couple of minutes before he slips out. She doesn’t notice she’s doses off until she feels his warm hands cleaning her softly. She helps him finish and he doesn’t ask her anything as he grabs her, takes her to the main room and slips into the covers holding her close.

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

WOOZI LIKES SEX SONGS??? WAIT WHEN WAS THIS AND HOW DID I MISS IT...and you're right he's so good at writing self confident songs wtf genius god of music woozi

OH... IT'S OKAY!! YOU'RE NOT A FRAUD YOU'RE JUST...AN IMAGINER.... WE DO NOT JUDGE AROUND HERE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE AWESOME

omg okay choose the venue brie 🙄🙄🙄

UR RIGHJT 20s SLANG IS SO FUNNY...giggle juice reminds me of that meme that goes 'the bob got me crunk' IDK IF YOU'VE SEEN IT BUT THAT'S GIGGLE JUICE

OH MY GOD I DIDN'T KNOW GALLAGHER GIRLS IS A BOOK WHOOPS...it sounds so interesting tho??? i'm a sucker for spy books tbh...and who's zachary goode??? tell me more!! ALSO TELL ME ABOUT THE OC NICK. WHAT'S HE LIKE

ALSO WHERE CAN I WATCH DOCTOR WHO AND SUPERNATURAL??? IF THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO HYPERFIXATE ON THOSE SHOWS, THEN THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

you like requests that are different?? whoops...sorry i just gave you something really generic...but i will keep that in mind!! i will think about asks that will lead to a relationship because that's actually the best ending hands down

I POSTED MY BEST FRIEND ON MY STORY (a guy) AND HE LEFT ME ON DELIVERED LMAOOOOOO WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? (i might block him, thank you btw...) (treat you better plays in the background)

why is it fair for your friends to be mad at you??? not to pry but like can't you choose who you want to be friends with ?😭 don't get sick thinking about it wtf you deserve better

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR GOING OFF ABOUT HTINGS THAT YOU LIKE??? I'LL GLADLY LISTEN <3

-🫨 anon

I keep a watchful eye of his spotify playlist…. Nasty by Arianna grande PLUS HE LIKES BRUNO MARS AND JUSTIN BIEBER and he used to really like fine by me by chris brown (he was jamming to it in a very old video) and while i digress the majority of these are kinda baby sex songs THEY ARE STILL SEX SONGS

AN IMAGINER 🥹

This is kinda lame but i’ve always kinda adored a forest venue kinda like in twilight i guess 😭 Imagine it.. a wedding, in the snow... bridesmaids in like sage and blush colors IT SEEMS MAGICAL

I LOOKED UP THE MEME AND I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THATS THE GIGGLE JUICE!!!!!!!

I DONT THINK ITS A SUPER POPULAR BOOK SERIES MOST PEOPLE I KNOW DON'T KNOW THE SERIES

Zachary Goode is one of the boys that goes to Blackthorne Academy and HE IS LITERALLY SO HOT the first time they meet HE OUT SPIES HER which is CRAZY if you read the first book because she is the best spy at Gallagher academy. i don't remember too much about him but he is a huge flirt and in the second book (when we meet him) he is just so respectful of her and obsessed with her.... He's perfect PERFECT.

YOU CAN WATCH DOCTOR WHO ON I BELIEVE HBO MAX they took it off netflix a few years ago... like what the fuck... AND YOU CAN WATCH SUPERNATURAL ON NETFLIX STILL. I miss that show, they're doing a con right now somewhere in... england I think I saw and I'm so jealous...

ALSO SHUSH. THAT WAS A PERFECT AMAZING IDEA AND YOU HAVE A PERFECT SEXY BRAIN I LOVE IT

HE LEFT YOU ON DELIVERED?! THATS SO ANNOYING you should be able to post your best friend in peace... I am very excited about this update by the way... I would live and die for every tiny detail about your love life so whenever you want to tell someone about it :))) it could be me :))) ^.^

ALRIGHT ILL GIVE YOU THE WHOLE TLDR this started when my friends moved to mornings. The two people I am closest to at work are my friends Sophia and Rachel and they are both directors at my store while I am just a manager. So ALREADY I'm jealous because they get to go to all these director's meetings together, and then they both move to mornings and not only does that suck because they get to see each other all the time and I see them maybe twice a week BUT THEY LEFT ME WITH ALL THE GUY MANAGERS So one of the guy managers I have spoken of before is Ben. And he is the one that I now work with the most. I used to be kinda close with him while he was dating one of the other managers but we kinda waned out of friendship after something happened on one of my leading shifts (it was not deep.)

We will remember Ben as the Capricorn I work with who broke up with his girlfriend because of a conversation he had with our boss about how she is not the kind of girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with (as she had been going to parties a lot???) and then he broke up with her at work right after her shift and as he started his and then he had sexual relations with a FRESHLY 18-year-old girl that he had been doing one-on-ones with for work while he was still sleeping with his now ex-girlfriend and she found out because she went through his watch text messages at work

DRAMA RIGHT AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, brie he is a terrible person

mhm. So. he is a pretty good friend to have. He is very funny, and is easy to make fun of and he's actually pretty supportive. Working with him all of the time I have gotten closer to him. I used to go to the gym with him and my other coworker Blake but when all the aforementioned stuff happened I stopped. Anyways we all started seeing each other at the gym again and THEN my coworkers Nam and Blake moved to the same apartment 'neighborhood' as me. I joked with them that I would be at their apartment all the time cause we live so close

I've always been kinda friends with Nam since we both like anime and we're the same age, but we aren't actually that close. Anyways Blake was having his birthday party at Nam's apartment and I got myself invited because I am annoying :) And the people there are Daniel, Blake, Nam, and Ben. Somehow, that turned into this group of people hanging out EVERY tuesday. I left my sweatshirt and Nam's apartment on Blake's birthday and so everytime Nam saw me he would loudly be like WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO GET YOUR SWEATSHIRT (as if we had fucked and I like it there... humiliating) so I start getting invited to hang out with the group which has extended to adding Minnie, Cassidy, my friend Justin, my coworker Aaron and his friend Kellen.

This is a WEIRD group of people and my friend Rachel does get jealous pretty easily. They both HEAVILY judge me for my friendship with Ben (fair) and they really judged me when I told them about the hangout so I didn't show up like two weeks in a row but for some reason they always text me and call me if I don't show up so I've started going anyways

Rachel doesn't react to my bereals if Ben is in them

So Rachel had taken over the schedule and on the very few times that I got to see her I would joke that she purposely moved herself to mornings cause she doesn't want to work with me. Anyways I am mean when I joke. I know this. I tell people this because I'm really insecure about it because I'm so "nice" all the time no one believes me and then I hurt someone's feelings and I want to cry. So anyways she started crying because of these jokes and she said she felt like I was mad at her.

I wasn't but I also was a little because also we were supposed to hang out with some other friends Emilee, and Chelsea and my friend Dawn and Emilee said she couldn't hangout that day and they planned to hang out then anyways without even trying to find a different day that would work. That's shitty. And then she said that she just really wanted to hammer down a day because she had been trying to plan this since august but like that was just bullshit it was the ONE day Emilee couldn't hang out she just didn't try hard enough and didn't even care that she was leaving Emilee out of it.

SO I was really stressed cause I didn't know how to tell them I thought that was really shitty. And also during ALL of this I am really really depressed. I don't want to talk to anyone, every single shift I worked I would cry because it was so hard and then I ran out of my anxiety meds so I was having panic attacks every single shift.

Anyways Rachel tells me I'm mean, she cries, I cry and then try to ice them out because I don't want to cry and make it all about myself. I have a cute breakdown.

It's really confusing to have this weird group of friends who really want to hang out with me and then Rachel and Sophia who want to hang out with me but also know that Rachel is mad at me. And it's really stressful to remember that if I talk about the people I am hanging out with the most and who seem to want to talk to me the most then my other friends will be mad at me. But if I don't hang out with that weird group of friends I will be so lonely because the only other person that I want to talk to all the time is busy and I am definitely smothering them cause I'm so fucking annoying

So, also I have no one to talk to about work. Rachel and Sophia don't work with the people I work with. I complain about everything if I can and also when I complain about things that Ben do they immediately get him in trouble for it by dragging our store operator into things when they aren't that serious and I am already dogging on him for it so now it's like if I complain about ben it gets back to him and one of these days he is going to be mad at me for it

I always say I can't complain about things because there are always consequences so I stopped complaining about things at work and Rachel and Sophia get mad at me for not talking about work things because we basically don't talk like at all.

However case and point, I told them ages ago that I wanted to learn interviews and they pretended to be excited about it and I mentioned it to them more than once and then a month later they are training James. Not me. So I ask Rachel oh is James learning interviews as if I didn't want to immediately start sobbing upon seeing it. And she immediately said some shit about brittni (our bosses wife) wanting to make sure I wasn't too stressed with school. I ASKED TO LEARN INTERVIEWS. WHY WOULD I ASK IF I WOULD BE TOO STRESSED ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF SCHOOL.

so I complain about it in passing to Blake and my boss over hears that I am upset about something but I don't tell him because I am being a baby right. Well my boss follows up with blake and blake tells him the truth and then my boss thinks that I am upset at him over it. Which I'm not. my boss didn't know I wanted to do interviews. So after our cute little "you should have asked me" chat I cried and then because of that I think rachel got in trouble because I immediately got scheduled to learn interviews.

I DONT WANT TO DO IT NOW. I complained and now everyone things I'm a fucking cry baby. which I am.

and i just. am so greatful for the friends I have but I'm miserable everyday and people are mad at me cause I don't talk about my feelings anymore and I don't even know what they think I just can;t do anything without upsetting anyone.

I don't know. I just really need a therapist but no one will get back to me so I'm just stuck with a dumb psychiatrist who things higher doses of sedative medicine will cure my anxiety and thus minimalize my depression. Whatever. I just hate being a cry baby and being so mad at myself for being a cry baby and then having people tell me how nice and great I am, like I'm not you know what i mean? AND YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN narcissist. Oh boohoo a bunch of people want your attention and want to hang out with you that's so hard. And then on top of that I have to reject a 32-year-old anime coworker who hasn't even asked me out yet.

AND THAT IS WHY IT IS FAIR THEY ARE MAD AT ME and why I should choose not to be friends with my weird group of friends and why I am stressed about it every day sigh

ALSO PRY AWAY again I am such a baby narcissist I love talking about myself sigh

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Talk about Abbie’s season 4 reunions please 🥺

Abbie loves to jump on people let's start with that 🥺

So her first reunion is in The Break Up, Kurt calls her as soon as Finn shows up in New York and she's on an overnight flight from somewhere in Europe, shows up the next day, and literally jumps on Finn like a koala and will not let go. She says hi to Kurt and Rachel (but mostly Kurt) from that position and holds Finn hostage while he explains why he's not in the army, apologizes for not talking to her sooner, and promises to never do that to her again. She's still extremely clingy (and also steals his jacket) for the rest of the day, drags him into singing with her at Callbacks, and when the whole The Scientist thing happens, she relegates Blaine to sleeping on the couch, and squeezes she, Finn, and Kurt into Kurt's bed, and then the twins leave for Lima first thing in the morning

(this is also when she reunites with Blaine and she's totally sympathetic to how Kurt has been icing him out and ignoring him and gives Kurt some shit over that but she doesn't take the cheating thing all that well)

She's actually happy to see Mr Schue (a wild development but also their late-s3 relationship is so precious to me) and hugs him and promises to tell him all about her travelling later, but kind of pushes Finn towards him and goes to chill in the choir room to wait. She talks to Blaine a bit more when he gets there and basically says that Kurt fucked up but Blaine should have just ended things ("even by text if he wouldn't pick up his phone") and that there's no excuse for cheating, but that Kurt is a big boy and can fight his own battles.

Sam notices Finn first (from where he walks in, Abbie is hidden behind Finn) but as soon as they're done hugging she's standing right there crossing her arms at him, "wow, I thought you'd be more excited to see me". He freaks out, picks her up and spins her around, she's giggling, they kiss, it's just super sweet rip finn & blaine abbie has no time for heartbreak, they're just being so cute until Brittany comes up to where Sam is still holding Abbie and just wraps her arms around Abbie from behind and spins her around too before she puts Abbie down so that the two can hug properly! And then she hugs the rest of the club, and while Finn sits separated from everyone else, Abbie ends up pulled onto Sam's lap with her legs thrown over Brittany's.

(she also sees Santana this ep and the two are also adorable just hugging and catching up on their lives and being besties!)

Then we move onto the next episode! Abbie is at Grease auditions with Finn and Artie, and she and Artie chase after Finn after he storms out. Artie starts talking about needing the right team and as soon as he mentions a choreographer she starts to have her suspicions (because she's already the choreographer, so if he's called in a favour, it's not just about dance), but then she actually sees Mike and Mercedes and loses her entire fucking mind! In classic Abbie fashion, she runs to jump-hug Mike, who is more used to this than anything and just kind of twists her around until he's giving her a piggyback instead, so that she can say hi to Mercedes (who she hugs when she eventually hops off Mike's back) and so that Mike can say hi to Finn. She's talked to Mercedes a few times but wants to hear everything about LA, and she and Mike have been video calling at least once a week since she left so there's not much to catch up on except for hugs and dancing with him!

and then we get to Home/Homeward Bound 🥺 I'm using the full version from the studio recording and not just the part that was in the show! She comes on from the stage after Mercedes' entrance, singing and every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be (bc it gives me so many vibes with the fact that Abbie has been backpacking for months but everywhere she goes things just remind her of her friends!)

She hugs Quinn and Puck as she comes on and is then the first one running over to hug Finn (despite the fact that she saw him like 5 minutes earlier) — I have a full outline of her part in the song here!

She's tucked between Finn and Quinn during the group hug, and she's sitting between Quinn & Mike when they all go to Breadstix and are catching up! (and she's part of Come See About Me bc the unholy trinity that isn't a trinity reunion is so special to me)

[mxstball]

"I wish to speak with my sister whilst you two talk."

"Upstairs, right side. far end before turning again. If Nergal annoys you too, just ignore her and tell me. She has a habit of finding ways to piss people off."

"Very well." And off Rachel went.

Rayquaza bowed at Heidi.

My apologies for the disturbance, Heidi.

"No need. You already know how much Nergal gets under my skin."

I do.

Rayquaza nodded.

Are you well?

"Yeah. I've... just been washed with a lot of emotions lately, 's all." She sighed. "Rayquaza... I know this is going to be really awkward, but can I talk to you about something?"

Anything, Heidi. We are still friends, after all.

Heidi nodded. "It's... god this is so awkward but it's either you, Lauren, Aesen, or Shuku and they're all gonna judge me for this."

I will not judge you, Heidi. What is it? Considering your stature, I presume that it has to do with love, yes?

"...on the nose." Heidi sighed.

"...Don't get mad when I say who it is?"

...must I get some tea to prepare for a spittake, dear?

"Please don't, thanks. I'm not here for jokes."

Rayquaza took some time to consider, but then shook his head.

...I do not believe you need to tell me, Heidi.

"Huh...?"

He looked upstairs.

Because I believe that I already know who it is. In fact, I have been... anticipating a talk similar to this for some time now.

"...huh? What do you mean?"

Well, it was a slow burn, but despite the forceful nature of your dates with her over the months, I had a feeling that the dates were... a lot more anticipated on your end than one would expect.

"..." NOW Heidi's flushed red. "Oh, fuck RIGHT OFF, Rayquaza!"

Rayquaza couldn't help but chuckle.

As I have stated, this feeling of yours has been a long time coming, Heidi.

"..." Heidi sighed and nodded.

"I... was lonely the other night. Couldn't sleep, was crying over the divorce and my own self-wallows... you know...."

Rayquaza nodded.

"...That's when she came in my room. Of course, I know that she's here for her own self-interests, but she's seen me like this before. She's helped me with this, even if sometimes it's to be just calm enough to get angry at her for something. Well, this time was... different, I guess. She... offered a hug and helped me feel better. She asked if there was anything that she could do or if I needed anything. I... asked if she could spend the night with me." Heidi sat down.

"So, we just... laid there and cuddled together. Nothing more than that, but that's still when like, all of the feelings started to really come up that I just... don't know what to do with." Heidi shook her head. "I just... don't know what to do or how to feel."

Rayquaza smiled and nuzzled her, causing her to look up.

Perhaps it is a sign to follow your heart, dear.

"Huh?"

Rayquaza continued to smile.

I do not judge you poorly for how you feel about her. The heart desires what it does. She may have... a foul tongue, but I can still tell that you care for her.

"but like, she's with Friede! I can't just let her be!"

...Perhaps, but will you doubt yourself any more in either direction to affect the lines of battle?

"...no. If she opposes me, then the protection of my family is more important."

Then all that matters is to follow your heart. Think of yourself today so you may be better prepared tomorrow. Give yourself some time to think of the matter and follow what you wish to do in your heart of hearts. No matter your decision, it will not affect my positive outlook of you.

"..." Heidi nodded. "Thank you, Rayquaza... and... really sorry if this was awkward."

Rayquaza shook his head and smiled.

It is not awkward at all, Heidi. Becoming trusting enough to have this conversation matters far more, in my opinion.

[togrowoldinv]

It’s Okay That You Need Me

Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

After a tough mission, you pull Nat out of her own head.

Note: This is some Nat hurt/comfort with a fluffy little ending. The title and some of the dialogue was inspired by the song “Superman”by Rachel Platten, which I highly recommend listening to. Happy reading!

Masterlist

You are sitting at work when your phone rings. You look down to see Clint’s name pop up onto the screen and you immediately answer. There’s only one person that could be the reason he’s calling.

“What happened?” You ask into the phone, already gathering your things to leave work.

“Y/n, hey it’s nothing physical,” he says and you sigh with temporary relief. “But Nat’s pretty shaken up from the mission. I didn’t want to call and worry you, but I can’t get her to stop training,” Clint explains.

“I’m on my way,” you reply, halfway to your car. “Do I just come right in or?”

“I’ll be waiting at the door for you,” Clint says and you hang up the phone.

The drive to compound feels like it takes ages. You try to call Nat several times and get no answer. When you do finally get there, Clint let’s you in and you follow him down the halls.

“She’s in there. I have to warn you, it’s bad this time,” Clint says.

“For better or for worse, right? I’ve got her,” you tell him and you enter the training area.

You catch sight of her in the corner of the room hitting a punching bag like her life depends on it. Like if she punches it hard enough then the pain will go away.

“Hey Natasha,” you announce your presence in the room.

“What are you doing here?” She asks as she continues to punch the bag.

“Clint called me,” you explain simply. You approach her further and she doesn’t seem to even notice. You stand close to her but not in her way.

“I told him I was fine,” she punches the bag. “I’m fucking fine,” with each word she punches again and again and again.

“Baby please, can you just stop for a minute?” You plead to her. You can see her knuckles all banged up and her hands must be hurting her at this point. But she only keeps on punching.

“Natasha, stop,” you place a hand on her shoulder and she shrugs you off before continuing on. “Nat please. Come on, Nat,” you try again.

“I just want it to stop,” Natasha mumbles out.

“You want what to stop?”

“The memories. They just won’t let up,” she says through muffled tears. Her punches get sloppy until her arms are barely moving. You take this as an opportunity to reach for her. Your arms go around her waist and you hold her close.

“I’ll make them stop, Natasha. I promise. I’m here for you. I love you. I love you so much,” you say and her arms fold around your back. She lets herself go in your arms and you feel the exhaustion radiating off of your wife.

“Please y/n, please,” she sobs into your neck and you pull her as close as you can.

“I’ve got you, baby. I love you,” you repeat over and over again until her sobs turn into smaller whimpers. “Let me clean your hands up,” you say once she has calmed down a bit.

She stays in your arms as you two walk to her room. You sit her down on the bed before you go the bathroom and get the first aid kit.

“I’m sorry about this,” Nat says, sounded embarrassed.

“No need to apologize, love. Here let me see,” you clean up her knuckles and place soft kisses on them. You hold her hands in yours gently. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore really. Y/n about what I said,” Nat begins and you give her an encouraging nod. “The mission was in Russia and it just felt like too much. Everything was just too much.”

“Did you know in advance it was going to be in Russia?”

“Yeah. I thought I could handle it. And I guess I did until we got back a few hours ago. I would’ve punched that bag until my hands broke if you hadn’t showed up,” Nat says, looking down at her bruising hands.

“You know you don’t have to be able to handle everything, Natasha. Especially not alone. We took the vow. We walked the walk. I’m always going to be here to do anything to make you feel better,” you say sincerely and she looks at you again.

“I think I might need some time off of avenging. Just some time to be with you and get my head together. Maybe take a trip. I have to take a break or I’m just going to keep on falling down,” Natasha confesses.

“Natasha, even heroes fall down now and then. It’s okay that you need a break. It’s okay that you needed me today. It’s always okay to need me because I need you too,” you say and she leans forward and kisses your lips softly.

“I love you, y/n. Detka, I just love you so much,” Natasha says against your lips.

“I love you too, Natasha,” you kiss her. “Hey since I’m here, can I meet some of the other Avengers? I think they should meet your super cool wife,” you say with a grin and she laughs.

“Yeah, detka. It’s time for them to meet my girl,” she says cheesily and it makes you blush.

“I’m your girl, huh?”

“Yep. And my world,” Natasha replies.

Tag List: @gracebutnotgraceful @i-wished-for-you-too @be-missed @romanoffscottage

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Okay thank you @minthe-lover for making me think about this but the way Rachel dealt with Persephone’s sexual trauma is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting man like I cannot even tell you how absolutely uncomfortable I am with it.

It’s just sad to me how Rachel just decided to ignore all of Persephone’s trauma when making her interact with Hades and every other guy that’s not Apollo and I get that obviously but it’s so weird to me how Persephone just seems fine with Hades touching her and being alone with him and kissing him and everything DAYS after what happened to her. I’m not saying she always has to be uncomfortable and cautious near him but what the actual fuck, the girl barely recognized what happened to her and she had no therapy or guidance with it and already she’s laid up with fucking Hades in the exact bed that it happened in. That’s so sick to me, it’s like Rachel only uses her trauma when she wants to and that’s so fucked up to me. Stop using sexual trauma as a plot device to bring two characters together please I’m begging you. You have no clue or idea how insensitive and triggering that is to see a character experience such a disgusting act only to be used to bring two characters together or completely erased like nothing ever happened, you wouldn’t do that for any other terrible crime, except abuse sadly cause that’s been pretty popular it seems, can we please treat the topic better.

I’m not saying you can’t ever use that sorta stuff in literature or movies or shows, it could be very impactful to people who relate to those things happening to others, but I just want there to be more respect for it. I’m tired of it just being something to add drama if you’re going to use it just use it correctly, stop treating it like it’s a one time thing that people could just get over easily because it’s not.

Anyways, that’s the end of the rant. This topic is very important to me personally so if I got a little too off the rails with this one I apologize for that, again you don’t have to agree with me or anything I completely understand because this isn’t as thought out as my other rants are but yeah. If you agree then that’s great and if you don’t that’s also great, I’m just ranting meaningless things and being completely biased about it so nothing I say should ever be taken as fact. I will say this, there are times where Persephone’s experience is handled well and I’m not going to discredit Rachel for that because she did represent trauma really well, I just wish that it was like that every time and not just sometimes.

[letsgivethisonemoreshot]

BruiserMates

Word Count: 4,644 (it's a long one)

Warnings: Sexual Situations, banter, there's some fluff in there somewhere.

Summary: The British Bruiserweight is more grumpy than usual. But his friends and a co-worker think they just might know a way to fix it. (Also, I tried to make an attempt to keep true with accents for the first time. So I apologize if it's horrible!)

The lukewarm water rushed out of a shower head in the back of the arena. The water pressure in these showers were never that good, but it was early and Lauren had the whole locker room to herself. She had the curtain drawn for privacy, just in case anyone else arrived early. Mostly because she was in the men’s showers. And just as she was rinsing the shampoo out of her hair, she heard several voices from the locker room echo into the bathroom.

"You could've stopped to get breakfast first." A British accent rang out.

"They 'ad food at the hotel." The familiar accent of Pete filled the room.

"Not anything for a vegan. And ya know that." Another voice argued.

"I don't know every damn vegan place in tha country." Pete spat back.

"Uh guys, just so you know you're not alone in here." Lauren informed them.

"Who in the bloody hell is that?"

"Lauren. I'm a backstage interviewer here. I really needed a shower after my workout before I got ready to work and they were cleaning in the women's locker room when I got there. No one was in here so I ran in. I'll be quick." She explained.

"Pete?"

"Yeah, she works here." He vouched, recognizing her voice.

"Ah. Alright then love. As long as you work here. I'm Tyler by the way."

"Trent." The other voice rang out.

"You guys are here from NXT UK for the tag tournament, right?" Lauren asked.

"You got it love." Trent answered as he turned on a shower on the opposite side of where Lauren was. "And you don't 'av to rush. We don't mind if you don't."

"As long as you stay on that side of the curtain." Lauren responded in a joking but friendly way.

"Great." Pete murmured.

"What's wrong with you?" Trent asked him.

"He's still sore about his girlfriend messin' around on him." Tyler answered getting ready to get a shower himself.

"Tell my business to the whole locker room, why don't ya." Pete said annoyed.

"She's the only otha one in here. And she sees ya more than us. I'm sure she's noticed you're grumpy."

"No more than usual." Lauren said as she conditioned her hair.

"Aw piss off all of ya."

"See? He's always this pleasant."

"I thought you said you were gonna be quick." Pete pointed out.

"I was, until Trent was nice enough to tell me I didn't have to. So now I'm taking my time."

Pete let out an aggravated grunt. "I can't shower with 'er in here."

"Relax Pete, I'm almost done. What brings you guys in here so early anyway?"

"Time change. Kind of has us messed up. And Pete just doesn't sleep." Tyler replied. "What about you? And working out nonetheless. I’d think you’d moreso be off writing questions."

"How else am I supposed to fit myself into those tiny dresses they want me to wear?" Lauren partially joked, causing two of the englishmen to chuckle. "I have a few interviews I have to do for some social media shows before the actual show tonight. This was the only time I could fit in a work out. I was going to shower real quick then get to work, but the women’s bathroom was closed, so I that brought me here. I guess it’s just bad timing.”

"Ah, I wouldn't say that love." Trent said.

"Well maybe not on my part. Anybody could walk in here. So many people have probably had fantasies that start like this. But apparently, it’s bad timing for some of you.”

"Would any of those fantasies include any of us by any chance?" Trent asked in a joking tone.

“Trent, ya can’t just ask a woman ya just met something like that.” Tyler chastised.

“Why not? I’m just joking.”

"Hm, some just might." Lauren answered.

"For fucks sake…"

"Jesus Pete calm down, I'm done. I'll be out of your hair in a minute." Lauren said as she turned off the water and wrapped her towel around herself.

"Yeah relax mate. We're just messin' around." Trent said to his friend.

"You need to get laid." Lauren stated.

"Excuse me?" Pete asked, sounding offended.

"We've been telling him that the last two weeks love." Tyler said to her.

She pulled open the curtain and stepped out of the shower stall. "Take it from someone who pushed away a lot of her friends by being a negative mope after going through a rough breakup. If she's gonna fuck around, then so can you. Try smiling, go get laid, and live. See ya later boys. I believe I'll be the one interviewing you later!" Lauren called out before walking away.

Lauren left them alone in the men's locker room and walked back to the women's which was thankfully now able to be occupied. She walked quicker than she planned seeing as how she couldn't get dressed there with the guys there. So she was running around in just a towel. No one had really showed up to get ready yet, but she still had to go over interview questions, get dressed, and was expected by the stylists soon. She was rummaging through her bag when there was a lock at the door. She dropped what was in her hands and curiously walked over to the door. Upon opening it she saw an annoyed Pete Dunne standing there. He was still in his trousers, nice button down shirt, and vest. His hair pulled back. Obviously he still hadn't gotten into the shower yet.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from you? Miss me already?"

Pete held out a plastic bag with tiny bottles inside. "Ya left your crap in the shower."

"And you're such a gentleman you brought it back to me?" Lauren joked.

"I drew the short straw."

"You sure it doesn't have anything to do with what I said?" She asked as she took the plastic bag from him. “Because my fantasies about you usually start with me still dressed and you ripping my clothes off me, but if this is how it happens I’ll take it.”

“No, it’s because I was the only one who was still dre…wait, what?”

Lauren smiled "Thanks for bringing my stuff back Pete. I forgot it in all the conversation. And if you’re just here to drop it off, I really need to finish getting ready. I need to be in make-up soon. I’ll see you around later.”

She closed the door, leaving Pete standing there dumbfounded at the interaction he just had.

Lauren had gotten dressed and was sitting in the make-up chair. She had decided on a short black off the shoulder dress. Even though the shoulders were bare, the dress had long sleeves, making a bit more acceptable in the workplace. The strappy heels that she had on also made it a bit less casual. She already had her hair done. She chose to leave it down since it was only shoulder length, but add some waves to it. Pete had wandered over to the area as Lauren was laughing while the make-up artist applied the dusty pink lipstick. Lauren was deep in conversation with the artist. She got along with everyone. Well, mostly everyone. She was easy to talk to and calming, which was a plus with her job. The interviews always flowed nicely and never seemed forced. She never really had any real problems with anyone she worked with. Pete leaned against a wall off to the side watching her talk. He had his wrestling gear on now, and had his long hair dangling down over half of his face.

"Alright, all set. How's it look?" The make-up artist asked as she held up a mirror.

"It looks great! Thanks Rachel!"

"Awesome. If you need a touch up just let me know."

"I will. Thanks!"

Lauren checked in the mirror one last time, pursing her lips together, before jumping out of the make-up chair and leaving it for someone else. She walked away from the styling area and right passed where Pete was brooding.

"Lauren."

"Hey Pete." Lauren replied as she walked by.

"Hey, hold up."

"What's up?" She asked as she stopped and turned to him.

"You tell me." Pete stated.

"Is this about what I said earlier? I’m sorry for getting involved in your business. And I never would have said anything had we not already been in the middle of a conversation. But I’ve been there, and I didn’t want you to end up pushing your friends away with your bad attitude like I did.” She explained.

"Not that. After. At the locker room." Pete said in a much lower voice.

Lauren smiled and crossed her arms. "What is this? When is Pete Dunne so timid?"

Pete rolled his eyes. "F'get it."

"No I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself." Lauren said reaching out to grab his arm. "I'll be good. What did you want?"

"You to stop being intimidating for a moment would be good."

"I've heard that once or twice before, but not from anyone like you."

"What you said earlier, did you mean it?" Pete asked changing the subject.

"That you need a good lay to forget about her? Absolutely. Your friends seemed to agree."

"No. That you've 'ad fantasies about me." He said as he took a step closer to her.

"Maybe a few times." She answered, surprising him by the serious tone in her voice. He stood there not quite sure how to follow up while Lauren opened the small bag she had with her and looked through it. "Listen, I really have to go and interview Daniel Bryan. But if you want to take my advice, I would love to be the girl that gets under you to get over her. Room 308 if you're interested."

She slipped her spare hotel key into his hand before turning around and continuing to walk down the hallway. Later on that night Pete sat in the back watching the show on a t.v. He was watching Lauren interview his two best friends while he spun the hotel key around in his fingers while being lost in thought. He pulled it together to go out and put on a good show, like he always did. All of his cockiness and aggression was on display. Lauren had been watching his match extra closely that night.

After the show Lauren was sitting alone in her hotel room. She hadn't made any plans for the night in case Pete decided to show up. After about an hour of waiting, she decided to change her clothes and get comfortable. She had the television on and was laying down in the bed, trying to relax, but she found herself not paying attention to it and trying to figure out what reasons Pete could have for not showing up. After driving herself crazy for some time, around 11:30 she realized she was being silly. His good friends whom he hadn't seen in months were in the country for a bit, so he was going to be spending time with them. Plus with all the joking around that she had done with him that day he probably didn't even think she was serious. Or maybe he just wasn’t interested and didn’t know how to tell her in a nice way. Lauren grabbed her phone and laid down on her bed to play some games until she got tired. Only a few minutes after she relaxed herself for the night, there was a knock at her door.

Lauren put her phone down and got out of bed. She walked over to the door curious of who could be there this time of night, especially without texting her first. She looked through the peephole and saw Pete standing on the other side. She quickly opened the door.

"You do realize I gave you a key so you wouldn't have to knock and wait in the hallway, right?"

"I didn't feel right usin' it." Pete told her.

Lauren opened the door wider and stepped aside inviting him in. He stood near her as she closed the door.

"I see you stayed dressed for me." Pete joked as he looked at her in her pink tank top and black yoga pants.

"I could say the same for you." Lauren retorted noticing Pete was in grey sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"It's not m' job to look pretty." Pete stated.

"Good thing I'm off the clock then."

They hadn't really talked much before now, other than just a hello or exchanging pleasantries. Maybe being involved in the same conversation as a group of people. Mostly that was because Pete kept to himself or only really talked with the people he was close to, where as Lauren would talk with everyone and insert herself into others conversations. But Pete definitely took notice today that not many people were able to throw back at him the way that she did, and he liked it.

"So did you just come here to criticize my clothes or…" Lauren trailed off.

"Actually, I wanted to talk." He answered.

"Oh, uh okay."

Lauren definitely hadn't been expecting that. She lead him into the room a little bit more and she sat down on the edge of the bed. Pete took one of the seats that were in the room and placed it in front of her before sitting down as well.

"So?"

"I've been thinking about what ya said. And you're right. If she's gonna bang a bunch of guys and not care, then I should too. Well, ya know."

"So what's the hold up?" Lauren asked.

"I don't want pity sex with someone just because they feel sorry fa' me. Especially if it's someone I 'av to work with."

"I can understand that. I'm not really one for random hook ups either." Lauren agreed.

"But then why did you…"

"I like you Pete." Lauren told him.

"Why? I'm kind of a bastard." Pete asked confused.

Lauren laughed. "Yeah, most of the time. I've watched you. You're grumpy face and your angry promos. But I've also seen the way you joke around with your friends. I've seen how interact with kids. I know how much you care about animals. There's a sweet guy behind that whole bruiserweight thing."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Your best friends. Those goofballs wouldn't waste their time with a complete asshole." Lauren answered with a smile. She reached out and placed her hand over top of his. "I'll be honest. I've had the hots for you since you started coming around. And then when I actually learned things about you I had a crush on you. And seeing you laugh with your friends, I've wondered what it would have been like if we had that kind of relationship."

Pete couldn't help but flash a genuine smile that he usually kept hidden. "Why didn't ya eva say anything?"

"You had a girlfriend, remember?"

"Right. Right. Forgot about that."

"Well that was the plan." Lauren giggled.

"So girls really dig the whole aggressive arse thing huh?" Pete asked amused.

"Oh yeah. There's something wired wrong in our brains. And the accent doesn't hurt either.”

Pete leaned back slightly in his chair and chuckled.

"Did I just make Pete Dunne laugh?" Pete didn't even try to hide it this time after she pointed it out. "Up until now I think I've only made you scowl."

"Yeah yeah, just don't spread it around."

"Don't wanna ruin your unlovable reputation, huh?"

They both sat in awkward silence for a few moments, neither knowing what to say next. Pete fidgeted in his chair slightly before standing up. Lauren promptly stood up along with him. He reached out and pulled her to him so her body was flushed with his, wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug. The act took her by surprise.

"Thanks." He said into her ear.

Lauren put her arms around her torso returning the hug. But her senses perked up. He was still holding her, his head down and his nose grazing her neck. The thought of his mouth that close to her, with his history of biting, sent an electric wave through her nerves. She tried to push those thoughts out of her head and hugged him tighter.

"Anytime Pete." She said lightly.

Pete broke the hug and stepped aside looking down at her smiling. She gave him a half hearted smile. She was glad that she was able to be there for him, and it seemed like there was a friendship forming between them. But she was a little disappointed that it wasn't going further. And embarrassed that she told him how she felt, and now she had to deal with him at work all the time with him knowing that. She didn't say anything as she followed him as he walked to the door.

"I'll see ya around, alright?" Pete said as he put his hand on the doorknob.

Lauren nodded with a smile. She closed the door behind him and leaned it against it sighing. She felt like an idiot. She was just hoping he wouldn't make a big deal about it at work. She began walking back to her bed. When she was a few steps away, she heard the door click. She turned around and saw the knob turning. It pushed open and Pete walked back inside.

"Hey. Everything okay?" She asked confused.

He slammed the door behind him and walked towards Lauren, throwing the room key onto the bed as he passed it. He made it to where she was and placed his bands on her hips and pushed her up against the wall crashing his lips down onto hers. Lauren put her hands up on his shoulders, bracing herself at his actions. He moved his hands from her hips up to her sides all while continuing kissing her neck. He traced along the top of her tank top before grabbing it with both hands and ripping it down the middle. Lauren gasped into his mouth. Pete didn't give her any time to adjust to what he was doing before his hands traveled back down her body and behind her thighs picking her up and pressing her against the wall. He tore his lips away from hers to slowly lick down her chest until stopping at her partially exposed breast. He lightly licked around her nipple a few times before taking it into his mouth. Lauren ran her fingers through Pete's hair, softly moaning. When he lightly bit down she moaned deeper and arched her back off of the wall. Pushing herself even further into him, she became even more aware that her legs were spread around him and she could feel herself getting wetter every time he nibbled.

Pete pulled her away from the wall and carried her over to the bed. Lauren laid on the bed looking up at him trying to catch her breath. He was looking down at her with his signature cocky smirk. He reached out and lightly grabbed the waistband of her pants before yanking them off and crawling on top of her. Pete nuzzled into her neck kiss and biting causing her to arch her hips up and feel the large bulge in his sweatpants. Lauren slid her hands under his shirt and scraped her fingers down his chest bringing a low growl from him.

"You are wearing entirely too many clothes." Lauren informed him.

Pete chuckled, but it wasn't the light hearted one from earlier, there was a deeper tone to it. There was something sexy in that chuckle. He leaned up onto his knees and peeled his shirt off.

Lauren took the moment to just look at him, kneeling in front of her with his hair hanging down partially in his face. Watching his eyes in the light. He could see her eyes glancing up and down his body.

"Is this what ya wanted?" He asked.

"Fuck yes." Lauren answered out loud, instead of in her head like she planned. "But this was supposed to be for you."

"Does it seem like I'm not enjoyin' it?"

"Well yeah, but what is it you want?" Lauren asked.

"Haven't been asked that in a long time. Honestly?" Lauren nodded. "I want someone to want to be with me. Not just use me ta get off and pass out. Someone who enjoys being with me. To feel loved."

Lauren leaned up so she was sitting up in bed facing him. "Really?"

"Yeah. Sounds stupid. I guess when ya with someone for so long those things kind of become lost."

"No Pete, they don't." Lauren said as she placed her hand on his face. "That's what happens when people stop caring."

The words hurt Pete, but deep down he knew she was right.

"Lay down." She told him.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Take your pants off and lay down. Let me take care of you." She said it in such a calming tone, you'd forget they were just dry humping each other.

He complied with what she asked. Lauren removed her underwear and straddled him. He rubbed his hands on her thighs She pulled off what was left of her shirt. Pete unknowingly bit his lower lip upon seeing her naked in front of him.

"Like what ya see?" She asked with a coy smirk

"Damn love."

"You sure you wanna do this?" She asked him.

"Love if you don't get on me right now I'm going to push you down and get back on top of you."

Lauren smiled and moved to slide herself down onto his dick. She gasped as she slid down. She could have guessed the size of it based on what he wore in the ring, but she didn't think it was as thick as it was. Pete hissed as she began riding him.

"Fuck babe. You're so tight." He commented.

"Yeah, it's been a while." She replied as she rolled her hips.

"You're so wet." He stated.

"I told you, I like you. Now are you gonna do commentary the whole time or just enjoy it?"

"Oh I'm enjoying it love." Pete said as his hands slid up her legs. He groaned as he saw her bouncing on him, her breasts bouncing along with her. He ran his hand along her body and brushed his finger onto her clit causing her to yelp. He liked the sound that she made and continued to rub along her clit as she rode him.

"Fuck Pete if you keep that up I'm not gonna last long." She warned him.

"You keep makin' those sounds I won't eithea."

Lauren pushed his hand out of the way and brought her upper body down so she could kiss him before moving to his neck. She began kissing and sucking on his neck like he had been doing to her earlier. Pete reached around with both hands to grab her ass. She was moving at a slow and steady pace, keeping with his grunts of pleasure. She would bite down on his neck every once in a while hoping to catch him off guard. He would squeeze his grip tighter pushing her at a different pace causing her to moan.

"Wait, Lauren stop." Pete said suddenly.

Lauren stopped and sat up. "What's wrong?"

"I wanna be on top." He told her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Lauren wanted to stay on top and take care of him, but it's what he said he wanted to she switched positions with him. She had to admit having Pete in between her legs staring her down was something she had thought about several times. He began placing kisses down her collar bone as she ran her fingers through his hair again.

"Mmmm Pete, please." Lauren begged bringing a smile to his lips.

"Please what?" Pete asked as he ran his length along her entrance, teasing her.

"I know I'm being selfish at the moment but please, I need you." She moaned as she tried to push herself closer to him.

"Baby, I love hearing you beg." He said as he entered her starting slow at first.

"Pete, faster please."

Pete grunted before speeding up, loving the feeling of her needing him, He began to thrust harder as he sped up. Lauren wrapped his leg up around his waist to give him better access.

"Oh God Pete, I'm so close." Lauren said as she scratched her nails down his back.

"Let go for me love." He rasped into her ear.

Lauren grabbed onto Pete's face to pull him into a passionate kiss as she came. Pete finished shortly after her before collapsing next to her. Their session was relatively quick, but emotional and intense. They laid next to each other trying to catch their breath.

"Well, that was unexpected." Pete stated.

"Yeah, definitely didn't think that was gonna happen when I woke up this morning." Lauren agreed as she laid next to him.

"I'm sorry it wasn't really what ya wanted." Pete apologize.

"What do you mean?"

"Ya said you wanted aggressive, and ripping clothes off, and all that."

Lauren leaned up on her elbow and turned to face him. "That's one of the things I've thought about, but I really just wanted you Pete."

He responded by lightly placing his hand on her head and pulling it down to rest on his chest. Lauren laid there cuddling on Pete, which is something she never would have expected from him, and soon found herself falling asleep.

Around three in the morning Lauren jerked awake. She didn't mean to fall asleep. She didn't even realize she was that worn out. Or maybe just comfortable. The room was now all dark, Pete must have turned the lights out. She couldn't see anything but she felt over to the other side of the bed and it was empty. Of course it was. He came for what she said she'd give him and then left. He wasn't looking for anything beyond that. Lauren knew that when she offered him to come to her too, but she didn't think it would hurt that much when he was gone. She laid back down in her beg and pulled the covers up feeling pretty stupid. Just then she heard the toilet in her bathroom flush and the door open. Pete walked out of the bathroom and back over to the bed.

"Pete?" Lauren asked.

"Hm." He replied.

"I thought you left."

"Why tha hell would I do that?" He asked as he pulled up the covers and got back into bed next to her.

"You were gone. I thought you got what you wanted and left. Especially after I fell asleep on you."

"I believe you're tha one that wanted this love." He reminded her. "You’re the one that offered."

"Well, yeah…"

Pete wrapped his arm around her waist and held her hand, lacing his fingers in with hers. He nuzzled his nose into the back of her neck.

"I'm pretty glad you did though." He admitted. This was the most love he had felt in a long time. He really felt like the person he was with wanted him, needed him. That she was focused on him, and it made him want to be focused on her. He felt an actual connection, which is something that he had been missing.

"I'm not goin anywhere for awhile love." He said as he squeezed her into hug, pulling her body to his. "I loved those sounds I heard earlier. They drove me crazy. I look forward ta havin' ya make more."

Lauren giggled as Pete kissed the back of her neck. Neither knew what the future would hold, but right now they were both enjoying the moment.

[mediocre-writerr]

betty [quinn fabray]

quinn fabray x fem reader

summary: the last part of my quinn fabray mini series! this takes place in the pov of quinn and her side of the story! enjoy : )

*not my gif*

“Quinny?” my mom poked her head through the door, “You got to get ready for school.” she says softly. 

I groaned as I shoved my head into a pillow. I didn’t want to go to school today or well ever for that matter. 

And you’re probably thinking: Quinn what teenager actually wants to go to school? 

i did...once. When I didn’t fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me. Meeting her at her locker, holding her hand down the hall, singing songs to her in glee club. All of it. But that’s all faded away like a moment in time. 

“Not today.” I mumble. 

“Quinn, honey, I let you miss so much school these past couple months. I need you to go just this once.” she whispers before closing the door. 

I let out another groan as I pulled the covers off my body. Stumbling my way into the bathroom. As I look in the mirror the pit that was in my stomach continued growing. 

I hated how I looked. I hated how I felt. I fucked up. It was all on me.

And it all started at junior prom.

“Love, dance with me!” Y/N yelled over the loud music that was playing, trying to pull me out of my seat at the table I was sitting at. 

I smiled widely at her enthusiasm before raising my eyebrows at her. She knows I hate the crowds. Sure, I was popular and wanted the attention.

But there’s a difference between walking down the hall like a bad ass than being trapped in a crowd of thousands, feeling like you’re suffocating and sweating.

“This is my favorite song.” she pouted when I gave her the look. 

I pulled the hand that she had in her hand closer to me. Giving it a sweet kiss, “Next dance, I promise.”

She pouts a little before running back off to the dance floor. I sat there drinking the spiked punch, letting the alcohol burn all the way down my throat and into my stomach. Leaving a warm sensation behind. 

I watched Y/N’s every move. She wasn’t very far away from where I was planted. Jumping up and down, doing crazy dance moves, with Sam. 

I love Sam with every bone in my body, but I was always jealous of the blonde boy. He was a nice guy, funny, good looking and super close to Y/N. 

“Looks like your girlfriend is having more fun with Sam, than she is with you.” Santana says, leaning against the chair I was sitting on.

“I don’t like the crowds. She knows that. She’s just trying to enjoy her prom.” I mumble, trying to ignore her snide remarks. 

Santana hums in response before taking a sip of her own punch, “Sure, let’s keep telling yourself that. And I’ll be the one saying ‘I told you so’ when she leaves you for him.” 

That was it. That’s what started my insecurities. 

Was I good enough for Y/N? Or will she find her own non-complicated love with Sam or Finn? Was Santana right?

After procrastinating for God knows how long, I finally made it to school. 

“Quinn!” Mercedes yelled getting my attention away from locker. 

I tried forcing on my best smile, “Hey what’s up?” 

“You’re coming to Y/N’s party tonight right? Everyone’s gonna be there! I don’t want you to miss it.” Mercedes said.

I shook my head looking down at my shoes, “No. I wasn’t planning on going. I don’t think she would want me there anyway.” I mumble.

Mercedes looked at me sympathetically, “Well I want you to come. Dig yourself out of the depressing hole you’re in and come hang out with people who care about you. Think about it, okay?” 

I nod before she goes running off to talk to Kurt. I open my locker and stare at the cardigan hanging off of one of the hooks. My eyes dart around my locker to see the pictures of the two of us hanging on the walls. 

I miss her.

The bell rings and I weave my way through the somewhat crowded walls and into my anatomy class for homeroom. I take my seat next to Jacob Ben Israel and sigh softly. 

“Alright class take your seats!” Mr. Barnson yells as he walks in the door, taking his bag off.

I look at the empty stool next to me. Y/N wasn’t in here today. She must’ve stayed home. I wish I could’ve, especially after what happened yesterday. 

“Jacob, you’re going to be Ms. Fabray’s new lab partner.” he says and I watch as Jacob’s eyes lighten up.

The afro-hair kid coming to sit next to me, “Can I smell your hair?” he asks, disturbingly. 

I shutter in disgust and raise my hand, “Yes Ms. Fabray?” 

“What happened to Y/N?” I ask.

“Ah, Ms. Y/L/N switched homerooms this morning.” he says nonchalantly while looking back at his list for attendance. 

Oh. 

The day went on and on, dragging like a bad movie that wouldn’t end. Until finally it did. 

I walked to school today. I’ve been walking to school the past couple months. It was a nice break to just clear my head and think about everything. Sometimes it hurt to do, but it was much needed. 

I didn’t want to go straight home today. I didn’t want to go home and just lock myself in my room, curling up into a ball of nothingness. So I walked around more. 

“Quinn? Do you need a ride?” I hear a voice ask.

I turn towards the voice to see Mike and Tina in his car, “No thanks. I think I’m just gonna walk.” 

“Okay. Well we’ll see you tonight, right? We all miss hanging out with you.” he suggests.

“I don’t know.” I say looking anywhere, but them.

“You should.” Tina says before the light turns green and they drive off with a wave. 

I continued walking until I found myself at the mall need Breadstix. I hate the mall. 

I used to love going there with Santana and Brittany back during sophomore year of high school. When I was dating Finn and head Cheerio, but now it just reminds me of everything that went wrong. 

When my insecurity was at its greatest peak. 

“Hello beautiful!” I say as I answer Y/N’s phone call, walking through the mall. 

“Hi love! I miss you so much.” she whispers and I smile softly.

I hear rustling coming from her side of the phone, another girl’s voice, “I miss you more.” I say softly, “Who are you with?”

“Oh I’m with my friend Lizzie. She’s also a intern here and we’re just having dinner! She’s really cool!” Y/N said excitedly.

The rest of the conversation was about her internship and the amazing stuff she was learning and the new people she was meeting. How much she was having.

I should have been happy for her, but all I could think about what was, how much her life is better without me? What a fun life she could have without me? 

I left the mall that I was once walking in and nothing seemed good enough to buy. I was getting closer to my house as I was walking on the broken cobblestone. Just thinking about her.

How much I just want her to come back home and into my arms. How much I want her to let me know that I’m the only one she wants and that I am good enough for her.

Someone’s car came by slowing down next to me as they rolled their window down, pulling me out of my thoughts. Santana was sitting in the driver’s seat with her sunglasses on. Her usual high pony was down which revealed her curly brunette hair. 

She looked like a figment of my worst intentions. Her lips stained with a dark red lipstick and the way she was eyeing me. It just sent shivers down my spine. 

“Quinn, get in, let’s drive.” 

And those four words was all it took. Well four words and a human full of loneliness. 

A car honks shaking me from that terrible terrible memory. Leaving me with a mind and head full of thoughts. 

Should I go to the party tonight? Will she want me there? Will I regret not going? 

There’s two ways me going would play out.

1.) I would get there and she would open the door and slam it on my face. Then she would open it again just to tell me to go fuck myself. 

I shutter at the thought of the most likely scenario. The sun was setting turning the sky into a cotton candy looking sky. What a beautiful sky for a stressful decision. 

Santana laid next to me on the grassy field of my backyard. It was a cotton candy color as the orange hue blended with the dreamy blue. 

I spent the week driving around with Santana. We would go exploring the small town in Lima or just drive around singing to random songs. 

We laid there in silence just staring up at the sky. She took my hand in hers intertwining them together. And in that moment I didn’t care. I wanted to feel something, anything. 

Anything besides this pit of loneliness. 

She turned her head towards mine. And in a beat her lips were on mine. It was soft at first yet passionate. Then the next thing I knew, clothes were flying off, and hands were roaming. 

2.) Y/N opens the door and sees me standing there. I apologize for everything, she leads me to our spot in the backyard. And kiss me in front of everyone. 

Yeah like that would ever fucking happen. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting when Y/N came back from Pennsylvania. After the many nights spent with Santana, I dropped her. Or well ghosted her I should say.

I didn’t answer her calls or her texts. I knew what I did was wrong and I decided to just end it before things could get any worse. 

Was it fucked up? 

Yes, but I did what I had to try and salvage what I had left in our relationship.

I thought I could get away with it too. Until the guilt started eating me alive. The pit in my stomach wasn’t loneliness, it was guilt. 

And then Santana told Brittany. Brittany told Artie. Artie told Tina. Tina told Mike. Mike told Puck. Puck told Mercedes. Mercedes told Kurt. Kurt told Blaine. Blaine told Rachel. Rachel told Finn. Finn told Sam. Then finally, Rachel told Y/N since no one else had the heart to. 

Y/N slammed my locker shut causing me to flinch back, “Tell me she’s lying.” she whispers, her voice breaking. 

“Who’s lying love? What happened?” I say attempting to take her in my arms, but she took a step back.

“Tell me that you didn’t hook up with Santana while I was gone. And that it’s some weird vendetta against you.” she whispers staring at me. 

I couldn’t lie to her anymore. It was killing me. I didn’t want to lie anymore. I just needed to tell her. 

I just stared at her desperately trying to find an explanation. Desperately trying to apologize and explain everything to her, but no words came out.

“Y/N-”

“You did didn’t you?” Y/N asked barely in a whisper.

I nodded sadly and a sob escaped her lips. 

“Y/N please let me-” I try to say and she shakes her head.

“No. We’re done Quinn!” she yells in between sobs running off. 

I looked up and found myself in front of Y/N’s house. 

I wasn’t trying to go here. I guess my feet just carried me here. The party was in full swing and through her window I could see her just sitting there, nursing a cup. 

Her favorite song was playing and she wasn’t dancing. She was just sitting there, trying to smile, but was struggling too. 

It hurt me, knowing that I’m the reason for her pain. 

I hesitantly knocked on the door and the door flung open. Y/N was standing there and she was shocked, but her eyes softened. But it didn’t matter anymore because she covered it up with a harder shell. 

She came out and stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind her.

“Happy birthday.” I whisper.

She mumbles, “Thanks.” 

“Can we talk please?” I ask.

She was thinking about it. I could tell. Her eyes were furrowed and she was biting her lip. She looked in deep thought before nodding and leading me to the backyard garden.

There was a bench swing hanging from the trees. And we took a seat on there together. 

This is the spot. Our spot. 

We had our first kiss here. I asked her to be my girlfriend here. Everything happened right here. 

“Y/N I’m sorry. And before you say anything I know. I know sorry means nothing and it has no excuse for what I did. But I am so deeply sorry. I don’t know much and I don’t have much to say because I wasn’t expecting to come tonight But I do know that I miss you and you were the best thing that has ever happened to me.” I whisper letting all of the tears spill. 

She lets out a shaky sigh, “I know. I forgive you.” 

I smile softly and I try to lean in to kiss her, but she immediately pulls back. Leaving me embarrassed and heartbroken.

“Just because I forgive you doesn’t mean that I want to get back together. I know you know that what you did was wrong. And I trust you when you say that it wasn’t anything special. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I love you Quinn Fabray, but I just can’t do this right now.” she whispers back.

She begins to wipe away the tears from my cheeks. I took in a deep breath before embracing the feeling of her touch. Y/N closes her eyes and rests her forehead on top of mine. 

I cup her cheeks into my hands. My thumb trying to memorize all of the crevasse, cheek bones, every little feature. 

“I will always love you and maybe we’ll be together one day. Just not today.” she whispers pulling away and kissing my cheek softly, “Goodbye Quinn.” 

[bubblesreplies]

Through The Ashes ~ Chapter Six

Jason Kolchek X Female OC (Sarah)

WARNINGS AND TAGS: Explicit sex, sexual talk and situations, swearing, violence, death, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers, set in game, limb loss, racial themes (talking about why racism is BAD, I can't believe I have to clarify this but I do)

Word Count: 8.1k

“DROPKICK, this is Mailman Two-One Actual. We’re headin’ deeper. Over.”

“Is that Jason?!” Sarah asked eagerly, kicking herself off of the wall she’d been leaning against and hovering over her brother, who shot her a nasty look and pulled away, leaving her with an unpleasant bout of anxiety swirling around in her chest.

“Acknowledged,” Eric confirmed. “You be careful in there. Dropkick out.” Sarah exhaled a deep, shaky breath; Jason had been gone for probably ten, fifteen minutes, and her mind was still a mess.

She’d seen those things too, she’d seen how unaffected they were by their bullets, and Jason could be out there with them, right now. Not to mention the enemy soldier Eric had warned them about--Sarah felt like she was going to be sick.

“Is he alright?” Sarah asked, even though she knew by the lack of her brother’s reaction that he likely was. Eric pointedly ignored her, keeping lookout with his gun at the ready. “Eric, come on--at least tell me if he’s alright.”

“He’s fine, Sarah,” Eric answered, his voice gruff, annoyed. Sarah’s stomach settled in relief and she sighed, rubbing her eyes and smearing yesterday’s makeup. She couldn’t care less if Eric was annoyed with her--she knew that Jason was okay. He was alive, and he would come back for her. Everything was okay. “You just met him, alright? You need to calm down, or he’ll lose interest in you.”

“Stop,” Sarah hissed, pressing two fingers to her temples. “Just--stop with the manipulative, trying-to-be-my-dad shit, okay? We already have a dad, and while he fucking sucks, I don’t need you to pick up his slack. Alright? I’ve done pretty damn well for myself without you these past five years.” Sarah hadn’t meant to let it all spill out, but shit--there it was, out in the open air, hanging in between them.

“Daddy Issues,” Merwin groaned from behind them, and Sarah fixed him with a mighty glare. “I love girls with daddy issues.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Eric ignored Merwin, rounding on Sarah, fury etched into his face. “You didn’t even come to my wedding, Sarah!”

“Because you didn’t send my invite to me, you sent it to mom and expected her to actually give it to me!” Sarah hissed, feeling a tear fall down her face. Seriously? Do I have to cry every time I’m upset?! “Mom, the deadbeat fucking junkie who can’t even remember her own name--let alone who her daughter actually is!”

“Mommy Issues,” Merwin chuckled. “I love a--”

“Corporal Merwin, please,” Eric griped, and Sarah turned back to face him, feeling her matted hair against the side of her face. “Not now.” Eric turned to Sarah then, his eyes sad and sincere. “Look, I didn’t mean to just disappear from your life when I joined the Air Force, Sarah, but I’ve been busy. Caelus has taken up a huge chunk of my time--I didn’t even see Rachel for a year, Sarah, my own wife--”

“And look how the hell that’s paid off,” Sarah hissed back at him, feeling the sting of repressed anger and sadness boil over her emotional pot. She knew she shouldn’t be saying these things to him--it wasn’t his fault they were down here, and he couldn’t have known what was down here--but she couldn’t help herself. She was mad--really fucking upset--and she was taking it out on him.

She watched his face fall and she was instantly filled with intense regret; as dense and awful as Eric could be, he was still her older brother. They were each other’s only sibling, after all, and he had looked out for her for most of his life. As much as he could.

“I’m sorry,” Sarah apologized, forcing the sting of tears behind her eyes away. “I’m just--I’m stressed, okay? I’m not a soldier, I’ve never been in battle before, and I just want all of us to come out of this alive.”

“Me too,” Eric admitted softly, pulling his sister in for an apology hug. She let him hug her, relishing in the pretense that her older brother cared about her, just for a moment. “And for what it’s worth--I’m sorry I didn’t know that you graduated from nursing school. And I’m sorry I didn’t know that you were, apparently, working as a trauma nurse for years. You really know how to use all that stuff in the medkit?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sarah answered, pulling away from him and shifting her arms across the straps over her chest. “Once you’ve used them a few thousand times, you really don’t ever forget. Especially not when you work in the trauma department.” Eric smiled at her--the proud smile she used to know--when suddenly his face changed and he touched his earpiece again. Sarah couldn’t hear it this time, but by the look on Eric’s face, the news wasn’t as pleasant as the first piece of news they’d received.

“Copy that,” Eric answered, and Sarah held her breath in anticipation, praying that Jason was still okay. “Moving up. Dropkick out.”

“Is he--”

“Lieutenant Kolchek is perfectly fine,” Eric answered, and Sarah closed her eyes, releasing the breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. “They ran into a tripwire--a trap set by that Iraqi soldier if I had to guess--and they just wanted to warn us about it. We’re going to go meet them and make a plan.”

“What about Merwin?” Sarah questioned, eyeing the man who was currently snoozing--yes, sleeping, still alive, definitely--slumped in the corner, his breathing sharp and erratic. She wondered how much longer he would last, and didn’t think he deserved to die all alone.

“We’ve got him hidden pretty well over here,” Eric answered in response to her question. “He’ll be alright for now, and we’ll only be gone a few minutes. Grab your gun, and let’s go.” Sarah nodded in response, stashing her handgun, securing her medkit and following after Eric, who led the way quickly and easily. She wanted to fight, push more on leaving Merwin alone, but the fact of the matter was she’d be with Jason again--even if it was just for a few seconds--if she went with her brother.

So she shut the hell up.

It wasn’t long that they rounded a corner and saw Jason and Nick standing a few feet ahead, both peering ominously down a long hall with flickering lights. Sarah repressed the urge to throw herself at Jason--surprising him right now would likely not end well for anybody.

“Hey!” Eric called, and both men jumped, turning to see the two of them walking towards them. Jason’s eyes slid over to Sarah, and he must have seen the look of anxious relief on her face, because he instantly lowered his gun and switched it to his left hand, extending his right arm out to make room for her to cuddle into him. She did, eagerly, and he pulled her into him tightly, his arm around her middle as both of hers went around his waist and she rested her forehead on his chest, reveling in the comfort that was Jason Kolchek. She felt him press a light kiss to the top of her head, and she briefly wondered if he was as worried about her as she was about him.

Jason’s lips are so soft, she let herself think, just for a minute, wondering what they would feel like against her own lips--wondering if he wanted to find out the same thing.

“Somebody want to tell me what’s going on here?” Eric continued, the annoyance in his voice shining through.

“We heard Joey through the tunnel!” Jason explained excitedly, and Sarah turned to search his face, incredulous.

“What?” She asked gently, her voice barely above a whisper and betraying the hope she so desperately wanted to feel. She’d been devastated to hear Joey had died--he’d been her only actual friend up until this point, considering she thought of Jason as something other than a friend.

“We think we heard Joey,” Nick corrected, shooting a nasty look at Jason. Jason glared back at him and shook his head, releasing Sarah from his hold and absentmindedly winding his fingers through hers, holding her hand as if it were a basic instinct. A burst of giddiness bloomed through her and she blushed, ignoring her brother’s pointed stare.

“It was him, alright,” Jason argued, confidence radiating from his voice, unaware of the effect he’d just had on her. “We’re gonna rescue him.”

“Let me remind you that I make the decisions,” Eric retorted, and Sarah wondered if he’d finally realized that Jason was much more qualified to lead this team back to safety. It’s probably why he’s getting pissed off, Sarah mused to herself. He’s realizing that Jason is a much better leader than him.

“I’ll lead the way,” Eric continued to insist, and both men just looked at each other, Sarah tightening her grip on Jason’s hand. “Kolchek; you take Sarah back and guard Merwin. Sergeant Kay and I will go ahead.” Sarah felt Jason’s hand tense in hers and she froze, waiting for another cockfight to ensue. Instead, Jason’s hand relaxed in her hold and he nodded.

“Right you are, Colonel,” he agreed, and Sarah watched as he gave Nick a fierce, reprimanding look, and the latter nodded back to him, spiking her curiosity to no end. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“See to it that you do, Kolchek,” Eric replied, his voice sounding a lot like a warning as he looked from Jason to Sarah and back again. A moment passed between the two men for a long time, their eyes pointed and hard, before, finally, Jason nodded. Eric nodded back and Sarah looked to Nick, hoping he could clear up some confusion, but he just shrugged back at her--evidently having no better idea than her of what had just transpired between Jason and Eric.

Eric moved around them and started heading down the hallway, Nick following closely behind him, and Jason watched as they disappeared out of sight. Sarah felt Jason squeeze her hand and she looked up at him just as he was turning his face to her.

“We should get back to Merwin,” he suggested and she nodded for a moment, before dropping his hand completely and throwing herself at him, her arms winding around his neck and her face burying itself there. Jason startled, winding his free arm around her waist, surprised and confused. “Sarah? What--”

“I was so worried about you,” she whispered into his neck, nuzzling her nose deeper in. Fuck, his smell is intoxicating. “Eric wouldn’t tell me anything specific and you were gone for so long and I--”

“Hey, shh,” Jason shushed her, his free hand clutching her waist as he drew her in closer to him. “We’re together now--and I’m alright. You’re alright. We’re gonna get outta here, okay? I can promise you that--I’ll get you outta here.” Sarah couldn’t do anything but nod into his neck, releasing him with an embarrassed sigh, smiling up at his kind, grinning face. His dimples, she sighed internally. I can’t believe I actually forgot how adorable his dimples are.

Jason motioned his head to the opposing door and she nodded, pulling out her handgun and having both hands at the ready in the case that an enemy soldier--or, you know, a monster--decided to come out and play during their trek back to Merwin. She walked slightly behind Jason, letting him lead the way as she watched their backs, nervous energy radiating off of her in waves. When they’d exited the hallways and entered the wide, open area from before, they stood side-by-side and continued their walk.

“So--about this whole, ‘bein ’a secret nurse, thing--”

“Fuck, we’re getting into this right now, are we?”

Jason laughed out loud at her response as they entered the doors to their hideout, Merwin still slumped--and breathing--in the corner of the room. “Well, the way I see it, love, we ain’t got nothin’ better to do while we wait,” Jason supposed, choosing to sit on a nearby piece of broken something, setting his gun to the left of him--never out of his reach. He patted the spot next to him and she gingerly sat down, setting the handgun on the space beside her, opposite where Jason sat.

Sarah chose not to respond to his use of the word ‘love’, although she knew her cheeks were flashing him a brilliant red right about now. She also knew that he knew the reason for her blush, too--if his impish grin was any indication. She rolled her eyes and heard him chuckle beside her, gathering up her nerve to reach over and lace their fingers together. When she finally did, Jason’s hand met hers enthusiastically and she looked over to find him already staring at her, a small smile glued onto his face as he waited for her to speak.

“I graduated high school when I was sixteen,” she began with a heavy sigh, figuring out the best way to condense her long and complicated history. “Filed for emancipation from my parents and won. Dad’s an abusive alcoholic and Mom loves her opioids more than her own children, so, it wasn’t really hard.” She noticed Jason’s swallowed breath at her explanation, but he nodded, urging her to go on. “Eric was in the Air Force by that point, and I hardly ever heard from him, so I eventually just stopped trying. I applied for UCLA’s nursing program and got in. Worked my fucking ass off and graduated from their program, started working for them in the trauma department. I love it; I still do, helping people, having this vast knowledge of the medical field. Possessing talents that actually seem like they’re worth something.”

“But, then why did you stop being a nurse?” Jason probed, and she noticed that he’d slid closer to her, their thighs touching and his hand slyly slipped out of hers as he placed it on her inner leg, close to her knee. She forced herself not to think about his contact, lest she need to take a cold shower. But if he keeps moving this thumb like that, there’s no way I’m getting through this damn story.

“No, I’m still a nurse,” Sarah countered, “The singing thing was just a fluke; I went out with some of my friends one night, got insanely drunk--underage, admittedly--and this record producer happened to be there when I sang drunk karaoke. Sang it really well, obviously. We struck up a deal that night. I knew it would help me pay off the insane debts I’d gathered from putting myself through nursing school; but, I do still work in a trauma department every night. I do both.”

Jason stayed quiet for her entire explanation, his thumb occasionally stroking up to her upper thigh, making her shiver with unexpressed want. His eyes continued to stare into hers and she swore, if he didn’t say something in the next minute, she was going to do something incredibly stupid.

Like lay him out against this table and have her way with him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jason finally asked, and Sarah froze. It was the one question that she didn’t really have a good answer for--the one question she knew he deserved an answer for.

“I don’t know,” she admitted apologetically. “You seemed interested in the Sarah that I’d already put out there--the fun, party-girl Sarah. That’s the image I made myself out to be in the music world and I was afraid that if you actually did want me, that it was only because of that image. Maybe you only wanted me for sex, but I was willing to be just that for you— because I didn’t think you’d want me at all if you saw more of me. It seems like anytime I get too real with anybody, I lose them. And I just wanted as much of you as I could possibly get.”

Sarah was embarrassed at her lengthy and detailed explanation, but so far, Jason hadn’t run for the door so--there was that. He just stared at her, his face impassive and fucking infuriating, for a very long time. He took his time to answer her, and, when he did--that was the moment-- that was the moment that Sarah knew.

“I want the real you,” Jason whispered, almost as if he were afraid to admit it out loud. “I want this person, Sarah. This different girl I’ve seen down here-- all of the things that you’ve done, that you’ve told me--I want to be with that person. Sexually--I mean, come on, you’re fuckin’ hot Sarah--so obviously I want to have sex with you.” Sarah felt her face grow hot again, and she looked away from Jason’s very intense eyes.

“But it doesn’t end there,” Jason continued, hooking his finger under her chin—just like he did the day they met—and bringing her eyes back to his. “Not for me. I ain’t scared of real—I’ve seen real, I’ve been to real. And I’d be loyal to you—in every way, Sarah, if you’d let me.”

She knew. A thought, a feeling, a devotion she knew she couldn’t speak out loud.

“I think I’d let you.” Sarah barely recognized her own voice, hoarse and barely above that of a whisper. Jason smiled back at her, his dimples catching her attention, and her eyes shifted to them quickly.

Not quite quickly enough.

“You are a sucker for dimples then,” Jason chuckled, and she didn’t even notice until it was happening that his hand had slid up her thigh, that his other hand was planted right behind her and his face was significantly closer than it was before. “Lucky me.”

And then his eyes fluttered shut and her body followed suit instinctively, leaning in when his nose brushed against hers.

His lips were just as soft as she thought they’d be against her own, and his head was angled just perfectly so that the rim of his hat was out of the way of the two of them. He definitely knew what he was doing too, and the way he kissed her made her swoon, her hands moving without her permission to wind in his shirt.

The kiss was mutually passionate and mostly chaste. It ended soon after it began and they both pulled away with matching grins, although Jason’s came with his insufferable dimples and Sarah’s came with a red flush across her cheeks.

“I was sorta hopin’ you wouldn’t be any good at that,” Jason admitted, taking his hands off of her and Sarah laughed, releasing his shirt and wincing at the wrinkles she’d caused. “But now I see that I’m damn well fucked.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, the feeling is mutual,” Sarah responded, hugging her knees to her chest. Jason leaned down on his arms behind him with a Cheshire-like grin, his closest arm to Sarah flush up against her back as his eyes never left hers. “You’re…you know what you’re doing.”

Saying the words alone made her blush again, and Jason seemed to eat it up, pressing various kisses to her neck and collarbone—some quick and silly, but others long and sensual.

He pulled himself away after a few more stolen kisses—much to Sarah’s chagrin because, hey, he was really good at kissing—and fixed his clothing and his hat.

“I’m gonna have to stop kissin’ you if we want any hope of focusin’ on the task at hand,” Jason chastised playfully, “And you need to sit way farther away than that.” Sarah nodded her agreement, got back on her feet, and pulled her gun back to her, checking the rounds. Only three left.

She noticed Jason eyeing her hands on the gun more than once, and when he finally made eye contact with her, he blushed and looked away. She sighed--were all men this obvious?

“You want to say something,” she deduced with a groan, unsure of where this conversation was going to lead. “Just--say it already, please. You’re making me nervous here.”

“I don’t want to ruin the mood,” Jason insisted.

“Ruin the mood?” Sarah laughed incredulously. “Sweetie, I think the threat of literal monsters is what ruined the mood.” Jason blushed and Sarah was proud that for once, the tables were turned and he was the one embarrassed.

“It’s nothin’ bad, it’s just--where in the hell did you learn to shoot a gun like that?!” Jason questioned, hopping to his feet with a vigor Sarah hadn’t seen from him yet. He looked at her and shook his head, his eyes sparkling. “That shot you made that saved my life was fuckin’ crazy.”

A flood of emotions--mostly negative ones--struck Sarah like a sudden burst of lightning, electrifying her entire system as she was forced to think back on the poor man she’d shot and killed to save Jason. She’d been in survival mode since the event, but now that the air was quiet, it was in her mind once again.

The guilt. All-consuming. Unlivable.

“I, um--” Tears began to flow down her face and she turned away from Jason, ashamed that she was doing this right now, in front of him. She should be able to handle herself better. “Eric and I grew up going to the shooting range with our dad. It was a right of passage to learn how to shoot, sort of.” She couldn’t force herself to look at Jason, still, but she heard him shuffling beside her until she felt his arm pressed up against her arm, his hand coming over soon after to take hers and bring it to his chest, holding it like it was precious to him.

“Sarah, please look at me.” His tone was pleading, begging her to listen to him. She couldn’t stop herself from looking up at him, the need to see his face much too strong. She knew that she was crying--she could feel the tears running down her face and she could feel it in her throat--and she was mortified that she was crying in front of him. Again. She was the only one here who seemed to be crying at all, and to her, it was just another budding sign of her immaturity.

Jason lifted his other hand and wiped her tears away, so, so gently, making her even more emotional by his tenderness. “What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, and she was awestruck by the sincerity and worry laced in his voice. Worry for her. They’d just kissed--he’d just admitted that he’d wanted her, the way that she wanted him, and she was still trying to convince herself that he really cared. That he, this, was real.

“That man,” Sarah whispered, the shame becoming almost too much to handle. She choked on her next words, unsure if they’d even make their way out of her mouth. “I just--I just took his life in a second. I don’t think I can ever forget what I did.”

Jason froze, clearly not expecting her to say that. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes were thoughtful as he stared back into hers, his hand coming up to brush her stray hair out of her face. She sobbed and sobbed for several minutes while he stroked her hair, and it was several minutes before he responded, before he did anything at all.

“You might not ever forget it,” Jason answered her honestly, leaning his forehead against hers and shutting his eyes. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but, it was the truth. And at least she knew--Jason would always tell her the truth. He was loyal. She took a glance back at Merwin, ensuring everything was alright, before closing her eyes for a second, too.

“God knows I’ll never forget the shitty things I’ve done while I’ve been here; but, you have to understand, Sarah, he was gonna kill me,” Jason stressed to her, his hands tightening their grip on hers. “And if you hadn’t had done what you did, I wouldn’t be here with you now.” His words seemed finished, and yet, his face said otherwise as he seemed to be warring with himself on whether or not to speak aloud his next words. “And not only that but he was--he was off, Sarah.” He pulled away from her then, confusion in his eyes before he shook his head.

“Off?” Sarah probed. “What--what do you mean, exactly?”

“His skin was turnin’ grey,” Jason remembered, turning back to her with a skeptical look on his face. “Somethin’ wasn’t right--like he was--”

“Not human,” Sarah filled in, remembering the odd things she’d seen, too. “Or, becoming something not human.” They shared a look of concern then, and neither of them said another thing about it, sitting in tension-filled silence.

“I owe you my life,” Jason whispered in finality, grasping her hand again and pressing it to his lips. “You made the right call, Sarah.”

She let herself feel it--the guilt and remorse, and the hope she found in Jason’s words--before pulling her hand out of his and glancing back at Merwin.

“I should probably go check up on him,” she decided, seeing he wasn’t moving nearly as much as he had been before. Jason’s eyes looked straight into hers as he nodded, winding his hand in her hair and pulling her in for another deep kiss. He released her carefully, beginning to pace around the room, keeping watch of every single corner and making sure no stone had been upturned.

I could get used to that, Sarah thought to herself, her shoes heavy as she made her way over to Merwin. I could happily live every day knowing Jason Kolchek would kiss me every chance he got.

Sarah knelt down next to Corporal Merwin, pressing a firm hand to his chest. He’d bled through the bandages she’d been willing to part with, and it was only getting worse. He was breathing still, fortunately, but probably not for long. He’d become less than conscious and was murmuring nonsensical things as he lost more blood. She swallowed a thick lump of tears as the realization hit that she really wasn’t going to be able to save his life--especially as it seemed they weren’t getting out of this place anytime soon.

“How is he?” Jason’s voice was soft, hopeful even, and it shattered Sarah’s heart even more. He’d come to kneel next to her and was looking over her shoulder at Merwin, his eyes darting over his body as if assessing the situation for himself. Sarah turned to him, then, her--fuck, I don’t know what Jason is to me, my boyfriend?—and placed a hand on his knee, knowing exactly what she had to do.

She always hated this part of her job.

“I am so sorry, Jason,” she whispered, prompting him to look over at her then, their faces level. She watched the hope fall from his face, and she forced herself not to cry. Jason needed her to be professional right now--and strong. “There’s nothing I can do but make him comfortable.”

She didn’t know if she expected Jason to cry, scream, or say nothing. He chose the latter, only nodding his head back at Merwin and getting to his feet, walking away from her, and continuing to pace around the room for any unseen threats. Sarah let herself shed a few tears while Jason wasn’t looking, wiping them away quickly so he wouldn’t see her moment of weakness. Not when he needed her to keep a level head—to be the medical professional she had told him she was.

She watched him remove his hat, just for a moment, his hand raking over his hair and down his face— and she wondered if he were crying. She knew how badly he must’ve been hurting right now, and as much as she wanted to go and comfort him, she didn’t think that’s what he needed at the moment.

He needed space to process.

“LIEUTENANT KOLCHEK!” “JASON!” A pause. “SARAH!”

Both Jason and Sarah jumped, sharing a wide-eyed look as they recognized their friend’s voices. Sarah jumped to her feet and joined Jason as they ran out of their little hidden alcove and out into the open space with the generator, both stopping short when they saw Eric and Nick approaching.

Except they were not alone.

Nick nudged an Iraqi soldier--the one who’d chosen to spare Jason, Sarah noted--with his gun, the soldier’s hands tied behind his back as he escorted him into the little tent Eric had been frequenting. Her brother walked in soon after, and Sarah felt her breath hitch as she took in the sight before her.

Behind him, Eric dragged one of those--things--by the feet. It’s dead, Sarah noted to herself. How the hell did they manage to kill that fucking thing? Sarah was able to get a better look at the monster now that it was cold and unmoving, and she walked closer to it instinctually, intrigued and appalled. Jason’s hand darted out and caught her arm, holding her in place as he seemed to analyze the situation for himself.

“Be careful.” And though the words conveyed a warning, his tone betrayed he was afraid for her to get too close.

The thing--the monster--was terrifying; probably about seven or eight feet tall in total, its wingspan much too big for her to even calculate right now. Its head was oddly shaped--almost like a triangle, with three long scar-like indents on either side. Its eyes looked like they didn’t exist--in its place were two dark cavities, not quite deep enough to be considered a hole as she could see its skin underneath them. Its limbs were bony and skinny, looking like they could easily snap, but Sarah highly doubted that that was the case, considering how hard it seemed to be to actually hurt them.

She shivered as she saw its long, sharp fangs--black, not white--and cast her eyes over the large spikes protruding from its back.

She desperately hoped there weren’t many--if any--more of them down here with them.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Jason suddenly spit, the venom in his voice catching her completely off guard. She had never heard him this angry, and it was entirely unnecessary. They had all entered the little tent now, the Iraqi soldier sitting hostage in a chair, while Eric and Nick hoisted the creature up onto a table.

Jason had his gun trained on the Iraqi soldier, never wavering, not even for a second.

“We ran into him when we found this thing,” Eric explained, not even sparing a glance back at them. “We’ve taken him as our prisoner.”

“I oughta put one through your fuckin’ skull,” Jason threatened ominously, and Sarah openly gasped, turning to him with wide, shocked eyes.

“I’d still be in this hell,” the man replied, simply, with a bite of snark in his voice.

“Don’t tempt me,” Jason growled back.

“Jason!” Sarah chastised, surprising even herself at the intense anger in her voice. Her boyfriend--or, whatever he was to her--jumped, keeping his gun trained on the man while his eyes slid over to her. “What the hell has gotten into you? He’s still a person!”

“He’s the enemy, Sarah,” Jason hissed at her, training his eyes back at the soldier. “We can’t trust him, and we don’t need him.” Jason’s words infuriated Sarah, and she walked up to him, her jaw clenched with righteous indignation.

“Don’t you recognize him?” She scolded him in a whisper, grabbing the barrel of his gun and pointing it down furiously. They’d attracted the attention of the other three men, and she lowered her voice, not wanting to cause a scene. “That’s the man who chose not to shoot you, Jason.”

She watched Jason’s anger dissipate from his face, only slightly, before he gritted his teeth and his eyes were set in sharp vexation once more.

“He’s the enemy.” That seemed to be all he could say and Sarah huffed, shaking her head at nobody in particular. She honestly couldn’t believe him; what had happened to the sensitive, understanding guy she’d known since she set foot in Iraq? Where was all of this anger coming from? This deep hatred for somebody who he didn’t even know? Somebody who had saved his fucking life?

“Kolchek, Kay, wander out of here,” Eric commanded, and Jason made a noise in protest. “Look, I’ve got this under wraps, alright? I’ve got a firm eye on the hostile, and I’m going to need my sister’s help to perform an autopsy on the thing.”

Eric admitting he wanted her help was enough to snap Sarah, momentarily, out of her anger towards Jason. She turned to her brother with wide, completely shocked eyes, her mouth falling open in her astonishment.

“Alright then,” Jason agreed, moving towards Sarah to embrace her before he left. She crossed her arms over her chest and pulled away from him, hoping the look in her eyes conveyed that she was still upset with him.

It did; he dropped his arms and instead tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, his Adam’s Apple bobbing up and down, nodding at her in understanding. Understanding that, right now, he was in the fucking doghouse.

“Begin preparations to defend the temple,” Eric ordered, peeking back at the man, “From all enemies.” Sarah rolled her eyes, but she still reached out and grabbed Jason’s arm as he passed by, gripping him tightly so he couldn’t move. He looked down at her, his eyes alight with the hope that she’d reached out to him, forgiven him.

“Be careful,” she whispered to him, even though she was mad as hell at the abhorrent way he had acted. I don’t understand a single bit of his anger, but he’s still mine. He’s still the man I know he is. And I still lo-- “Be safe. Come back to me alive and in one fucking piece, alright?”

Jason didn’t say a single word in response, only looking passionately into her eyes as he nodded his agreement, wrapping his arms around her fiercely, his tight embrace feeling suspiciously like an apology. She let him hold her, hugging him back just as emotionally as he held her. Much too briskly, he pulled away and headed out with Nick, his eyes burning hers as they lingered on her while they walked out.

Sarah watched him leave, her stare lingering a bit too long before Eric cleared his throat and brought her to attention. She was startled, but put herself back together quickly, nearing the creature on the table as she ignored the Iraqi soldier’s pointed stare at her, analyzing her as she pretended to analyze the monster.

She watched Eric shakily take a sip of his drink before offering some to the soldier, who pulled away instantly.

Eric shrugged, a look of superiority that Sarah recognized all too well adorning his face. “Suit yourself,” he retaliated, sauntering over to Sarah’s side of the table, both King’s looking over the creature solemnly together.

Sarah couldn’t remember a time she’d worked side-by-side with her brother before. Not in years, at least. She especially couldn’t remember a time when Eric had wanted to work with her, on anything. He’d never found her competent enough, smart enough, mature enough. A notion he’d seemed to share with their parents--pathetic and awful as they were, at least Eric had something in common with them, even if it was a mutual disrespect for their youngest family member.

Eric observed the monster for just a moment, walking back around and leaning down so that he was level with the Iraqi soldier.

“I want you to tell me everything you know about these creatures,” he demanded, and Sarah had a distinct memory of being grounded by Eric, in the same tone of voice he was using right now with the enemy soldier. The man didn’t answer as he kept his head pointed towards the ground, not wanting anything to do with either American. “Have you seen them before?” Eric pressed on, trying a new tactic.

Sarah shifted her weight from one foot to the next, waiting for Eric to instruct her to do something. She was certain if she went off to do the autopsy on her own, Eric might officially disown her. Not that she wanted to, anyway; she had no idea what she was doing.

“Do you know where they came from?” Eric tried again, and Sarah successfully held in a snort of laughter. She didn’t know why he expected the man to answer him; he was the one being held hostage here, and he likely didn’t feel safe. He probably shouldn’t feel safe with them. “How many are there down there?”

“Eric, your interrogation is pointless,” Sarah jumped in, tapping her foot impatiently. She knew her bad mood mostly stemmed from her sort of fight with Jason, but she was also decently annoyed with her brother, as well. “Can we just get on with the autopsy, please?”

“I hope you’re a believer, brother,” The man suddenly answered and Sarah was completely taken aback by his willingness to say anything at all. “When those things come back, you’re going to need a higher power to pray to.” Eric stared at the soldier for a moment before meandering back over to Sarah’s side of the table, snatching up a black device she didn’t quite recognize.

“My name is Lieutenant Colonel Eric King of the United States Air Force,” Eric spoke calmly and clearly, focused completely on his task and nothing else. Sarah tried to give the soldier a small smile, but he only stared back at her. “I’m a chief nuclear engineer of the Iraq Survey Group, tasked with locating hidden chemical weapons. Our mission has uncovered something...unexpected.”

Yeah, Sarah chided, I’ll say.

“I will now begin an autopsy of an unidentified life form.” Sarah took a deep breath, preparing herself for what would likely be one of the hardest tasks she’d perform in her life. She didn’t do autopsies at the hospital, and certainly never on something that looked like this.

“But first,” Eric mumbled to himself, pushing the button on his radio. Sarah immediately tensed, her whole body feeling as if it was bound with tight cords as she waited to hear Jason’s voice. Hoping Eric would let her, this time. “Mailman Two-One Actual, this is Dropkick. Request update. Over.”

Sarah waited on bated breath for a response, even though they’d been gone only minutes. She noticed the Iraqi soldier watching her curiously, likely gathering information, taking mental notes on her, but she couldn’t care less about anything but Jason right now.

“Two-One Actual, receiving.” Sarah let out a contented sigh, relieved to hear his voice. “Cameras are green and the holes have been demolished. Over.” Sarah closed her eyes and wondered if it would ever get easier, having feelings for somebody who was constantly in danger. She wondered, just for the briefest of moments, if she’d ever stop worrying for Jason’s life. She prayed with every ounce of her being that they would find a way out of here, to safety--and soon.

“Good work, Lieutenant. Sweep through the eastern corridor and be on your guard. Over.” Sarah wished with everything she had left in her that they would come back quickly--she wished Jason was here next to her, instead of out there, putting himself in harm’s way to protect the rest of them.

That’s what Marines do, Sarah, she reminded herself. A harsh reminder, and one she really didn’t care to hear right now.

“I hear you,” Jason replied. Every last word he said was music to her ears, even though a part of her was still really pissed. “Over and out.” Eric nodded to his sister and studied over the creature again, plucking up his recording device as he did so.

“At approximation, the creature is 8 feet tall, bipedal, winged,” he began and Sarah nodded, observing as Eric did, their eyes moving at practically the same pace over the creature. “Wing webbing appears to be affixed to its forelimbs and to the digits of its hands. Epidermis looks to be smothered in some sort of excretion. Underneath it is...diseased, almost.”

“The creature is starting to rapidly decompose in its death,” Sarah realized, and Eric nodded back to her, continuing his recording as he repeated what she had just said.

“Dropkick, this is Mailman Two-One Actual,” Jason’s voice rang out for all to hear and Sarah perked her body up from where it had been slumped over the creature, eager to hear what was going on.

“Jason,” she whispered, edging closer to her brother anxiously. The Iraqi soldier continued to pay close attention to her--specifically when Jason began speaking.

“Approaching eastern passage,” he continued. “Over.”

“I see you,” Eric assured them, and Sarah glanced over at the screen as well, her heart beating more rapidly as she watched the two men make their way to another part of the temple. Eric turned to Sarah then, catching her eye and nodding at her, handing her a small pocket knife. She felt the blood drain from her face when she realized what Eric wanted her to do.

“Eric, I’m a nurse, not a coroner,” she winced, knowing this was only going to make her seem more incompetent in her brother’s eyes. “I have no fucking clue what you want me to do with this.”

“Dropkick, this is Mailman Two-One Actual. We’re at a stairwell leading down to a maze. Please advise. Over.” Sarah turned to the screen at the sound of Jason’s voice, knowing full well that she wasn’t going to see Jason there.

“Acknowledged. Pull back now and secure the perimeter. Dropkick out.” Eric turned to her then and picked up his recording device, apparently intending to ignore her earlier statement. “The creature has powerful claws and fangs formed from hardened, unidentifiable tissue. Two of the incisors appear grossly malformed and discolored; oddly...out of place.”

Sarah watched him work; she’d forgotten her brother was, actually, sort of smart.

“The membrane surrounding the specimen seems to originate from its mouth,” he continued on, and as he explained each new part to...whoever he was intending to leave his recording, Sarah observed what he seemed to be seeing, double-checking his work, finding it accurately described. “Blood is like nothing I’ve seen. I will now perform a UV sweep to further inspect the fluids; following, my associate Sarah King will perform a fang extraction.”

His associate, Sarah inwardly groaned, holding in a tight laugh. I’m not sure if I should be offended or flattered by that comment. She inspected the fangs that Eric, apparently, wanted her to extract, sweat beading on the back of her neck as she did so. You’ve done much harder things, she had to remind herself. This is nothing.

“Hey!” The Iraqi soldier exclaimed as Eric powered on the UV light. Sarah jumped, having forgotten he was even there with her focus on Jason and the task at hand. “Some advice?” She looked at her brother, knowing he wasn’t going to hear her opinion on the matter, and she waited for him to make the call.

“You had your chance to talk,” Eric deadpanned, not even glancing up from the table. Sarah rolled her eyes; did pettiness really have a place at the table right now?

“Yes, but the demon does not react well to sunlight,” the soldier insisted, looking straight at Sarah as if he knew she would be the one to take his words to heart. Smarter than the average male, then. “I would be very careful with that light.” Sarah’s eyes widened, unsure of the meaning behind his warning, but becoming nervous all the same.

“Eric, maybe we should listen to him--”

“I said be quiet!” Eric responded, turning to look at the soldier now. Sarah still wasn’t sure which of them he was addressing, and she tensed, pushing back the familiar feeling of not wanting to disappoint her older brother and reminding herself she didn’t have to care anymore. She took a deep breath and shook her head at the soldier, trying to convey as much of an apology as she could with only her eyes.

The soldier winced. “Oh boy,” Sarah heard him uttered nervously, and Sarah couldn’t help but feel that this wasn’t some sort of trick. She felt like the Iraqi was actually being genuine with them, and trying to help them out. It doesn’t matter I guess, because there’s no way in hell Eric will listen to him now.

She became even more nervous when Eric lifted his UV wand over the creature and Sarah backed away several steps just in case shit decided to hit the fan.

Shit did, indeed, hit the fan.

The creature burst into flames and Sarah shrieked, barely noticing the soldier get to his feet worriedly, Eric batting away as much of the flames and smoke as he could.

“Don’t move!” He ordered, and Sarah inhaled smoke trying to speak, coughing and sputtering. She turned around--just for the smallest of seconds--and thought she saw the faint shadow of someone or something coming up from behind.

“Eric!” She exclaimed, grasping onto his arm, fear spiking quickly and intensely in her chest at the mere thought of what, or who, that could be. He brushed her off and turned around, but Sarah could feel his own panic starting to settle over him too.

“Kolchek? Is that you?” Eric questioned, evidently having seen the shadow too. At the mention of Jason’s name, Sarah whipped around faster than she’d ever had in her life, hoping it was him and not anything or anyone else.

“Jason?” Sarah interjected worriedly, turning her back to the soldier and desperately trying to see if Jason had indeed returned. She didn’t see anything at all, but she kept searching as Eric pulled out a fire extinguisher and doused the creature, successfully putting out the flames. Sarah finally saw a dark figure in the distance, walking up the stairs and away from them. A man, she thought. “Jason?!”

“Stay put,” Eric ordered Sarah, running past her out of the tent and following after the man, who on second thought, couldn’t be Jason--Jason would never have ignored her calls. Especially not when she’d sounded so scared. Eric paused before heading up the stairs and Sarah backed up, running straight into somebody else. She jumped and whirled around, her breath catching in her throat during her panic, as she came face-to-face with the Iraqi soldier--attempting to escape.

The two of them locked eyes and he froze, staring at her in horror before looking back up to Eric. Sarah knew what she should do--she knew what Eric and Jason would both want her to do.

She also knew what her heart was telling her to do.

“Go,” she whispered, checking behind her to make sure Eric wasn’t watching them. She turned back to the Iraqi and ushered him away with her hands.

“Look,” Sarah continued, “you spared the life of the man I love.” She swallowed nervously as she dared to utter that word, that word that she had so carefully pushed out into the recesses of her mind--because it couldn’t be true, not this soon. “I don’t take that lightly; now we’re even. Go!”

The man nodded gratefully at her before hurrying away, past the tent and out the doors. Sarah turned around to face Eric, pretending she’d never seen the soldier leave at all. When her brother did turn around, he looked panicked--and that was before he noticed their hostage had gone.

“Sarah!” He hissed when he finally did notice, running into the tent in a frenzy. “Which way did he go?”

“I have no idea,” Sarah lied, running a hand through her tangled hair. I was watching that man over there--I’m sorry, Eric!”

“Damn you!” Eric swore, running towards the stairs. “Shit!” Sarah almost felt bad for her lie, but she owed that man and she knew it. He hadn’t harmed Jason, and she hadn’t allowed her people to harm him. They were square. “Fuck; let’s go, Sarah-- we need to regroup with Lieutenant Kolchek and Sergeant Kay. Now!”

Sarah hurried after her brother, pocketing the small knife and pulling out her handgun, taking the stairs two at a time as they ran.

“AHHHHH!”

Both King’s froze and Sarah let out a small scream of distress, recognizing his voice in seconds.

“Jason!” She cried, running past her brother and towards the screams. “That’s Jason!”

Be alive, she prayed inside her mind. Please, please, be alive.

She’d never run so fast in her life.

[sgtbradfords]

Hello! I’ve had this idea floating in my head since reading recent spoilers but sadly I don’t have the time to write it :(

A prompt I have is it’s after Wesley and Angela’s wedding, Tim’s gone back to his hotel room for the night then he hears a knock on the door. It’s Lucy on the other side. She’s holding a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka and asks to be let in. ( ao that it’s a parallel to fallout and the first time they drank)

Then, there could be a conversations maybe a flashback to the reception when Tim gives a speech for Angela about love and connection and he was looking at Lucy when he was saying it. And it was that moment that allowed Lucy to really see Tim.

Which brings her to why she’s there.

I was also piecing this together while thinking about the IG live or interview ( can’t remember) and Titus asked Eric who would make the first move.

Anyways I love your writing and I hope this can spark inspiration. And the rookie finally comes back this Sunday which is awesome.

Not quite what you requested, but after such a long wait, it’s finally completed! Enjoy :)

Lucy Chen sighed as she walked up the pavestone path that was illuminated by the midnight moon. The past seventy-two hours had been grueling, leaving Lucy running on fumes. Though, the ache in her bones and the dragging of her feet never stopped her from stopping at her neighborhood ABC store or from driving ten minutes past her apartment and to his front door.

She knocked thrice, rocking back and forth on her heels as she waited for the door to open. A familiar bark could be heard coming from inside the four walls, Lucy smiling as she heard the animal being chastised.

“Hey.” Tim greeted as he pulled it back. “I thought you were heading home?”

Lucy shook her head, holding up the brown bag in her hand. “I know it’s late, but I don’t think I could sleep right now, even if I tried.”

“I know what you mean.” He told her, running a scuffed hand down his tired face. “Want to come in?”

“If that’s ok?” She asked with a grimace.

Tim took a step back, furthering opening the door as Kojo let out an excited bark at who was walking in. “There’s my favorite boy.” Lucy grinned as she crouched down in front of the dog, whispering lovingly towards the pet.

“Your boy is mad at me right now. I haven’t been able to take him on a walk the past few days, so we’ve been out in the backyard playing fetch to get his energy out.”

Hearing one of his favorite words, Kojo took off in a run through the house, navigating his body under and around furniture as he flew out the back door.

“It’s after midnight, and you two are playing catch.”

“And it seems as though he is not done yet.” Tim sighed as he trailed through the kitchen, stopping at a cupboard to grab two glasses out before walking out into the night. The stained deck was cast in a soft glow, courtesy of the light on the wall as they made their way back outside, and towards the patio table. A large citronella candle was lit and placed on top of the patio table, casting a yellow hue around the open space.

“Were they able to get Angela transferred to another room?” Lucy asked as she turned around a patio chair, placing the brown bag onto the table as she pulled out the contents.

Tim grabbed the bottle of single malt whiskey as she handed it over, breaking the plastic seal of the bottle as he poured himself a generous shot.

“Yeah, she wanted to leave but her doctor insisted on keeping her overnight to monitor the baby and give her some fluids.” He told her as he sat back down in the chair he had earlier vacated.

Lucy twisted the top off the clear bottle of tequila, Tim pushing the second glass across the table towards her. “That’s good, I know it’s not easy. Her recovery, it’s not going to be easy.” She said with a ragged sigh as she poured herself a shot in to the glass.

“She has a good support system.” He said throwing the tennis ball across the yard for Kojo as Lucy downed the shot, pouring another one as she sat down.

“Yeah well, sometimes you need more than that.” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, watching as Kojo chased down the green ball. “I’m not saying I didn’t appreciate the support, I did. But when no one else has gone through what you endured, and are offering advice, sometimes you really just want to tell them to fuck off.”

Tim brought his glass to his lips, knocking the amber liquid back as it burned down his throat, Lucy pouring herself another shot as she let out a long sigh.

“And you don’t need to apologize because it’s not your fault. I just- you get so tired of the pitying looks and gossip behind your back.”

He refilled his glass with a smaller amount. “Angela’s going to need someone to talk to.”

“She has Wesley, you know who I had Tim? No one.” She confessed as she tossed the shot of the liquid back, sitting the glass down on to the table as she brought her left foot up, resting the heel of her foot on the chair as Kojo trotted to her side, dropping the tennis ball in her lap. “I’m sorry, that was a little blunt.”

“You had Jackson and Nolan. And what about Rachel, she was still here, you could have talked to her.”

Lucy vehemently shook her head as she grabbed the slobber covered ball, throwing it into the night. “That’s not what I’m talking about, those are all friendships. I’m talking about what you said earlier in the hospital, after Angela and Wesley exchanged vows, during your groom speech.”

“What are you talking about Chen?” He asked with a furrowed brow as she let out a frustrated sigh.

“I’m talking about connection, passion, compassion, someone who I could confide in. I wish I had someone that would have been there for me as more than a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate Jackson and owe him for everything he has done for me, but he’s just that Tim, my friend. But then on the other hand, I wouldn’t wish that on a partner for anything, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the therapy, the anxiety.” Kojo dropped the ball on to the wooden deck, laying down next to the ball with a tired sigh. “I’m sorry for throwing this all at you, I tend to forget that Jose makes me word vomit.”

“Lucy.” He sighed as he leaned back in his chair. “You know you can always talk to me.”

Lucy rested an arm against the leg that was propped at chest level, fidgeting in her chair. “Sometimes I feel like I can’t, because I- you’re more than a friend to me. You’re-you’re Tim.”

“What’s that supposed to mean Luce?” Tim asked in a hushed whisper.

“It means that you’re Tim. You didn’t treat me any different after everything that happened, but you treated me as an equal. You didn’t walk with me around the edges, you pushed me right over them. You have always been my number one supporter, even when I fell flat on my face.”

“My parents have not once, showed me their support since the words ‘I want to be a cop.’ came out of my mouth. But I tell you ‘I want to go undercover.’ And you push me and support my decision, even if you have a bad history with it. And that’s all I could ever ask for.”

The suppressed sounds of the midnight hour infiltrated the bubble that had been created as the weight of Lucy’s words hung above them, the sound of the bass vibrating in a car a block over, the crickets chirping from the flowerbed in front of the porch, Kojo letting out a heaving sigh as he drifted further off into dreamland.

Tim stood, his eyes raking over Lucy as he extended out a hand. “I believe I asked for you to save me a dance.”

Lucy huffed as she shook her head in disbelief. “And you want to cash in on it now? There’s no music.”

“Trust me?” He asked with a rare soft smile.

Lucy took hold of the outreached hand as he pulled her to her feet. “I don’t know…” She confessed in thought, biting her bottom lip before letting it go. “I’m not the most graceful of dancers, what if I step on your toes?”

“A couple of bruised toes won’t be the end of the world.” Tim told her as he pulled her body close. He cast her a questioning glance as she nodded, his right hand going to the small of her back as her left hand found purchase on his shoulder, their joined hands brought out to the side ever so slightly as they began to silently sway on the wooden deck.

A hum of a tune began to fill the silence as they moved, Lucy’s gaze finding his as they held each other’s stare.

“Thank you Lucy.” He whispered before continuing to quietly hum the song that was playing in his head.

Even in the dead if night, Tim could see the blush on her skin as her eyes gave him a curious look. “For what?”

“For being Lucy.” He subtly smiled, a grin that Lucy had only witnessed once or twice.

Words became fewer and far in-between as they danced under the stars, Lucy resting her head against his chest as they swayed. Things were far from ok, especially with La Fiedra in the wind, but for the moment, none of that mattered, for the moment they could just be Tim and Lucy.

[atlafan]

Office Neighbors - Part Seven

a/n: this still isn’t the last of these two, I just like them too much! hope you enjoy! (reblogs and feedback are super helpful!)

warnings: slight angst, fluff, and smut

words: 18K

masterpost

“What?!” Harry reaches to turn the light on, and squeezes your shoulder as a silent apology for the abrupt light. “How…?”

“He…had a heart attack, I guess. My mom tried to wake him up because she couldn’t hear him breathing, and…” She sobs louder. “I have to go to Connecticut, and-“

“Where’s Noah?”

“He had to go to Vermont this week for a client, it’s just Rachel and I here, and I don’t know what to do! I can’t bring her with me, can I? Should I? I have no idea how long I’m going to be gone for, or what my mom’s plans are. I mean, she may need to come live with me Harry! I’m just, I feel all alone right now, and…”

“I’m coming over.”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not, I’m telling you that’s what’s happening. When’s Noah supposed to be home?”

“Wednesday.”

“Alright, Rachel can miss school tomorrow, and she can home stay here until he gets back, that way you can just leave tomorrow.” He says, pulling the blankets back and finding his sweat to pull on. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Just try to take some deep breaths.”

“Thank you.”

Harry hangs up and sighs. He blinks a few tears away before looking at you.

“Paige’s father passed away.”

“Oh no.” You frown. “That’s terrible.”

“Noah’s in Vermont, and she’s home alone with Rachel. I’m so sorry, but I have to go make sure she’s alright. As annoying as her parents are, she was close with her dad, and-“

“I understand.” You swallow. “You’re all she has around her, you should go.”

“Thank you.” He knees onto the bed to hug you. “You’ll be fine here with Andy?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Okay.” He runs a hand through his hair. “If I’m not back before he gets up tomorrow…wait for me to explain it to him, please?” You nod at him. “I have to bring Rachel back with me tomorrow. I’m gonna keep Andy home from school. I don’t know how he’ll take it, but I wanna make sure he doesn’t feel like he needs to be anywhere but with me, or if he wants to go to Connecticut with his Mum, I wanna give him that option. Fuck it, if I need to get him there I will, I-“

“Harry.” You stand up and take him in your arms, hugging him. “Go, she needs you.”

He presses his lips to yours before letting go of you. He grabs a couple of things before quietly heading out. You sigh heavily and get back into bed. You knew this was all part of loving Harry. All of this came with him, but it still stung a little to watch him leave. You groan and get over yourself. You couldn’t imagine going through what Paige was right now. You’d call Harry too if you were in the same situation.

//

Harry lightly taps on the front door of Paige’s home around one in the morning. She swings it open as she was waiting by the door for him.

“Harry.” Her voice cracks as she throws her arms around him.

He holds her close and lets her cry into him. He gets the door closed and walks them into the house so they can sit in the living room. He keeps his arms around her while she continues just to let it out. When he feels her breathing evening out, he speaks up.

“When did your mum call?”

“Um, it was my sister.” Paige says, wiping some tears away, looking up at Harry. “My mom called her first, and then she called me. They called an ambulance right away, and he was pronounced dead on the way there. I mean, I suppose it was peaceful since it was in his sleep, but...I thought he had more time, you know?” She sniffles.

“I know, I’m so sorry.” He rubs at her back and shoulder and she nuzzles into his chest.

“Thank god Allie lives within thirty minutes of them, I don’t know what I’d do. She said we’d talk more tomorrow, but she doesn’t think mom can live with her, she just doesn’t have the room like I do.”

“You only have the room because Allie didn’t wanna move out of the city to take this place. Now she’s using it as leverage.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“She couldn’t move out of the city, her and her husband need to live there for work…”

“I’m aware of that, Paige, I just think she set you up is all.”

“At any rate, she’s going to help my mom sell her condo, and-“

“Well, she should…she’s a fucking real estate agent. It’s the least she can do.” Harry scratches at Paige’s head like he knows she likes and it helps her calm down more.

“I’ll probably have to hit the road tomorrow to help with the arrangements. He’s had it in his will to be buried out there. God, I’m gonna have to take so much time off work, and all this before Christmas.” Her bottom lip quivers.

“Was it…a nice Thanksgiving at least?”

“It was! He was so much nicer than he usually is. Andy even made him laugh! I suppose it’ll be a nice last memory of him. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to Andy.”

“He should go with you…to Connecticut. He’ll wanna say goodbye to his Gramp.”

“He’ll be so bored with me running around.”

“He can hang out with his cousins. I’m sure plenty of your family will be coming in for it.”

“Are you okay with him missing so much school?”

“It’s not like he’ll be missing much this time of year. I can talk to him about it tomorrow.” He grabs the blanket on the back of the couch to put over the two of them.

“Thank you for being here last minute. I felt terrible calling Noah the way I did. He could barely understand me, and I just didn’t know what else to do. Hopefully I didn’t wake poor Rachel.”

“This is a big deal, I wouldn’t leave you by yourself.”

“Wait…” She says after a few moments of silence. “If you’re here, where’s Andy?”

“At home.”

“By himself?!”

“No! Y/N’s with him…”

“You called her to have him stay with him?”

“No, she was already there, um, this was her first time staying over on a school night.”

“Harry.” Paige sighs. “You can’t leave your current girlfriend in bed to go be with your ex-girlfriend.”

“Well, I did, and I’ll deal with it later. She said she understood.”

“Of course she did! What was she gonna say, don’t go? She knows she couldn’t say that. Fuck, now she’s gonna hate me.”

“No she won’t. Listen, just try to relax, okay? You’re gonna have a long drive, I’ll be worried enough about you getting there in one piece. I should just go with you.” He pinches the bridge of his nose as he thinks it over.

“Nope, no way. My family would eat you alive if you did that. Noah will probably come once the actual funeral date is scheduled. I can drive on my own, I’ll be fine, I’m just still in shock.”

“It’s a lot to process.”

The two end up falling asleep together on the couch. Little did Paige know is that Noah cut his visit with his client short to get home to her, so needless to say he was little annoyed when he walked through the door at the crack of dawn.

“Um…hello?”

Harry and Paige’s eyes snap open and they stand immediately to get away from each other.

“Noah!” Paige’s eyes well up immediately as she walks into his arms. “You’re back so soon?”

“I got on the road as soon as I could. How are you holding up? I see you called Harry…”

“I…well…I didn’t know what else to do, and-“

“Well, I guess I should get home now that he’s back, and I guess Rachel won’t need to come stay with me. Let me know what you wanna do about Andy, okay? I’m gonna tell him he doesn’t need to go to school today either way.”

“Alright.” She nods. “Um, I’ll probably need a couple of hours. I need to speak more with Allie about everything.” She nuzzles into Noah for a moment before letting go of him. “I’m gonna go take a shower, thank you again for coming.” She gives his shoulder a squeeze before going up the stairs.

Harry and Noah share an awkward moment of eye contact.

“I didn’t think you two were still so comfortable together to fall asleep like that.” He says, crossing his arms. “And why would my daughter need to go stay with you?”

“Okay, first of all, we were both exhausted, so pardon us for falling asleep innocently on the sofa. Second of all, we both thought you wouldn’t be home until Wednesday, so I offered to have Rachel come stay with me until you got back. Or would you have preferred her stay here by herself?” Harry looks Noah up and down. “Don’t start with me, mate. She needed someone, and I’m the closest thing she has to family around here.”

“And you just so easily sprang into action?”

“Her father died! What would you have done? Stayed home and not come to comfort her? Give me a fucking break. I’ll chalk this up to you being tired or something because I sure as hell know you’re not accusing me of something.”

“I just think you should worry about your own girlfriend. I don’t think she’d love knowing you slept with Paige.”

“Don’t say it like that, it wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like Harry?! You could have told her to go back up to bed, and you could have stayed down here or gone home once she got back to sleep, but no, there you were with your arms around her. You’re not gonna get over her.”

“You don’t what you’re talking about.” He shakes his head. “I’m in love with Y/N, not Paige. I…you know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you. She called me, I came here, now you’re here, go make your fiancé feel better instead of worrying about me.” Harry practically spits before leaving in a huff.

//

You had trouble sleeping in Harry’s bed without him, so you got up early to make a big breakfast because you just didn’t know what else to do. The smell of pancakes filled the house, and it woke Andy up. He was all out of sorts because pancakes were usually a weekend breakfast. He came out of his room and you pouted at how cute he was. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt, no doubt Harry’s, and a pair of joggers, with his blanket wrapped around him.

“What’s going on?” He knuckles at his eyes before sitting down in front of the plate you made for him.’

“Dad had to step out, but he’ll be back soon. You, uh, don’t need to go to school today.”

“Did it snow?”

“No…he’ll explain when he gets back. Just, um, eat your breakfast and then go wash up if you haven’t already, yeah?”

“Okay…thanks for making this.”

“You’re welcome.”

You get comfy on the couch and watch some morning TV while Andy goes to brush his teeth and wash his face. Sister, Sister was on, a perfect distraction. Andy comes over to sit with you, but it was still so early, he just felt groggy, and he looked so adorable with his floppy curls in his face. He grabs one of the throw pillows.

“Could I…?” He gestures to put it in your lap.

“Oh! Yeah, go ahead.”

“Thanks.” He mutters as he gets his head comfy in your lap, and his eyes flutter closed.

You mindlessly play with his hair to keep him comfortable. It was something Harry liked you figured he’d like it too. You felt terrible for him. You didn’t know how close or not close Andy was with his grandfather, but you guessed this would be his first time dealing with a major death in the family. Harry comes in about two episodes into Sister, Sister and you put your finger up to your lips to signal to be quiet. He wants to cry at the sight in front of him. His son feeling so comfortable to cuddle up with you was so sweet. He wished he could do the same, but he needed to wake up a bit more before having the tough conversation with Andy. He sees that you’ve made coffee, and he sees the leftover pancakes and he smiles. Yup, this was exactly where he wanted to be. He sips on some coffee and then comes over to the two of you.

“Andy?” He says softly, rubbing his son’s back. “I need you to wake up, buddy.”

“Y/N said I didn’t need to go to school.” He groans.

“You don’t, but I have to talk to you about something…privately.”

Andy sits up slowly and gives Harry a confused look.

“Where were you?”

“At Mum’s.”

“Why?”

“Can we go talk in your room?”

Andy looks over at you and you nod to go with Harry, so he listens and stands up. Harry puts his hand on Andy’s back and mouths a ‘thank you’ to you. Once they’re both in his room, sitting on his bed, Harry takes a deep breath.

“Mum called me late last night…Noah was in Vermont so she didn’t want to be alone.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Um, well, Gramp…passed away.”

“What?!” Andy’s eyes start to tear up.

“He passed peacefully in his sleep, but Mum didn’t find out until late last night.”

“So, he’s, like, gone?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid so.”

“But, he can’t be! I just saw him the other day!”

“I know, these things can happen so suddenly sometimes. I’m really sorry.” Harry pulls Andy into him, and that’s when the waterworks start. Harry holds his son close as he lets Andy process everything.

“Is Mummy okay?” Harry’s eyes widen. He couldn’t remember the last time Andy called Paige ‘Mummy’.

“She will be. She’s gonna go to Connecticut later today to see how she can help Gram and Auntie Allie. Would you like to go with her? The funeral will probably be over the weekend.”

“It’s okay to miss that much school?”

“Of course! It’ll be excused.”

“Yeah, I…I think I would like to go with her.”

“Okay, I’ll let her know. I’m sure she’d like your company for the ride.”

“What about Noah and Rachel.”

“I don’t know what his plan is…I’ll be honest, he’s not happy with me at the moment.”

“Why? You, like, practically came to Mum’s rescue last night.”

“Exactly.” Harry sighs. “He wasn’t supposed to come back until Wednesday, and he came back early this morning to Mum and I asleep on the couch together, so that was a whole thing.”

“You fell asleep with her?” Andy whispers, not that you were listening in. Harry nods at him. “Yikes.”

“Big yikes.” Harry chuckles softly. “Anyways, no school today, or the rest of the week since you wanna go with Mum. I’ll call the school to let them know what’s going on. I need to go cancel my classes for the day, and I need to see what Y/N wants to do. I feel bad she was here alone with you.”

“She made really good pancakes for breakfast, and then she let me hang out with her. Better than any baby sitter.”

“Good, I’m glad.” Harry reaches to stroke Andy’s cheek. “Why don’t you go take a shower and then get your things ready? I need to pull your suit from my closet and all that.”

“Okay, I’m just gonna text Brandon to let him know I won’t be at school for a few days, is that alright?”

“Yeah, let him know.”

Harry leaves Andy to do his thing. You were now in the kitchen cleaning up.

“Hey.” He says to you. “I’m really sorry for just leaving you like that last night.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not…I…should have brought you both with me or something, but I feel like I was panicking or something, and-“

“Harry, she needed you. Her father died, I get it.” You turn to look at him. “What’s the plan for today?”

“Andy’s gonna go to Connecticut with her. I need to cancel my classes for the day so I can stay home with him until she’s able to come pick him up.”

“Okay, I’ll…I’ll do the same.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“I wanna be there for you, for the both of you. I can post some online assignments. I’m sure the students won’t mind.”

“I…feel like you should know in case it blows up in my face later…um, I slept on the couch with Paige last night.” Your eyebrows shoot up at that. “She sort of latched onto me when I got there, and I was trying to calm her down, and we fell asleep. It was nothing, like we weren’t, I wasn’t spooning her or anything like that, like it was…you know, platonic, and Noah got home and woke us up, and we immediately got away from each other, and she went right to him, and then he got mad at me, and now it’s a whole thing, but it didn’t mean anything, Y/N, I was just trying to-“

“Harry.” You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh. “Please, just stop talking, you’re rambling.” You look at him. “You just so easily fell asleep with her?”

“I was exhausted, and so was she. It just happened, I’m sorry.”

“Did you kiss her?”

“What?! No!” He makes a disgusted face.

“Did you call her anymore nice names?”

“Like what?”

“You called her darling last night, and it made me feel…gross.”

“Oh, baby.” He puts his hands on your shoulders. “I’m so sorry, no, I didn’t call her anymore nice names.”

“Okay.”

“Why would think I kissed her?”

“I don’t know…maybe you kissed her cheek or top of her head or something.”

“I swear I didn’t do that. I just held her to soothe her a little, that’s all. It didn’t mean anything, I was purely there as a friend.”

“Okay.” You sigh. “I’ll email Lucas to let him know both of our classes are cancelled today so he can send one of those text alerts out.”

“You’re not mad?”

“How could I be? Your cuddles could cure cancer, they’re very powerful. I’d want you to hold me too.”

“I…thank you for being so cool about all this. I feel like I’d go bananas if it were reversed.”

“Well, it’s not, so you don’t even have to think about it. Plus, you told me right away about it, and I appreciate you being so honest.” You smile at him. “Please eat something, I left you extra.”

“Thanks, I am kinda hungry.”

A little while later, as you and Harry are both on your laptops in the living room, Andy comes out with all of his things. Harry had texted Paige to let her know Andy wanted to go with her.

“Andy, I’m really sorry for your loss.” You say as he sits down on the love seat.

“Oh, um, thanks.”

The doorbell rings and Harry sighs as he gets up. Paige looks much better, he notices, but she wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she was in sweats.

“Hi.” She says. “Is he ready?”

“Yeah.” Harry looks back. “Andy, come on.”

“Mum…” Andy slowly approaches mother with a quivering lip.

“Hi, baby.”

They throw their arms around each other. You sort of just sit there awkwardly until Paige steps in further and notices you sitting there.

“Y/N! Hi…I didn’t think you’d still…um, never mind. We’ve got a long drive, Andy, let’s get your things in the car.”

“I’ll help with that.” Harry says, and quickly grabs Andy’s things. You stand up.

“I’m so sorry about your father.” You say.

“Thank you.”

“Bye, Y/N.” Andy says, hugging you. “The pancakes were really good.”

“I’m glad liked them.”

“Everything’s in the trunk.” Harry says. “What are Noah and Rachel doing?”

“They’re gonna stay in town until Friday, and then they’ll come to Connecticut for the funeral Saturday.”

“Dad, are you gonna come to the funeral?”

“No.” Paige and Harry say at the same time.

“Um, Dad doesn’t need to go to this, Andy. Noah will be there, though, so that’s good.” She looks at you briefly, and then to Harry. “Could you go get buckled up?” She says to Andy.

“Okay.” He gives Harry a hug before going outside.

“He’s very upset with me…” She says in a whisper.

“Who, Noah?”

“Yes.”

“Your dad just died…”

“I know.” She deadpans. “He wasn’t happy about what he walked into, and even though he’s trying to be sympathetic, he thinks you and I are too codependent sometimes. The co should only apply to the parenting or something, I don’t know.” She blinks some tears away. “He’s never been a jealous man, Harry, I don’t know what his problem is.”

“He probably thinks that if I snapped my fingers you wouldn’t marry him or something. He’ll get over it. A few days apart, and he’ll forget all about me.”

“I just don’t want this to taint how good everything is with all of us. I shouldn’t have let you come over.”

“Don’t say that…don’t let him make you feel worse.”

“Did you tell Y/N what happened?”

“Yeah.”

“And she was okay with it?”

“She…understood. Not something we should make a habit of though.” He smirks and she rolls her eyes.

“Obviously. If his stupid fucking client hadn’t needed an in person consult then we wouldn’t even be in this mess.”

“Gee, thanks, nice to know I’m always second best.”

“I’m going before I smack you. Goodbye.”

“Safe travels, give my condolences to the family.”

“I will, thanks.” She looks over at you again. “Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye, sorry again!”

Harry closes the door and lets a long sigh out before looking at you.

“I need a fucking shower.” You nod at him. “Join me?” You nod again and follow him into his bathroom.

“Noah’s really pissed, huh? I slightly overheard.”

“Hard not to, I suppose.” He strips himself of his clothes and turns the water on as you get rid of your own clothes. “He…and remember this was years ago before they were even together, but he knows about the few times she and I hooked up after we broke up, so I think he thinks that could all easily happen again, but he’s fucking delusional if he thinks I would ever do something like that. I would never let her cheat on him, nor do I have any desire to fuck her, please know that.” He steps into the water and guides you in with him.

“Then why does he think she wants to fuck you? That must clearly be the issue.”

“I swear she doesn’t, but he think I have this, like, spell over her or something, I don’t know.”

“You are dangerously charming.” You smirk.

“Stop it.” He chuckles. “This isn’t new. This tension builds every so often, and then we have these little flare ups. It’s why we don’t hang out a lot, not that we would anyways, but we don’t do a ton of things together unless it involves Andy, rightfully so.”

“Then it’s like you said, he’ll get over it.”

“Exactly. He loves her, he just needs to get over himself. If I had to take any bets I’d say he won’t wait until Friday to go to Connecticut, I’ll bet he’ll get there tomorrow or Thursday.”

“Well, at least Andy’s with her now.”

“Yeah, I’m proud of him for going.” He wraps his arms around your waist. “Now, can we please talk about anything else?”

You smile and wrap your arms around his neck as the warm water cascades over the two of you.

“Why talk at all?”

He smiles and leans in to kiss you. Harry needed some comforting of his own, and if his cuddles could cure cancer, then your kisses could cure just about everything else.

//

“So…you and Harry both cancelled classes yesterday…” Janette says to you over coffee Wednesday morning at the little shop downtown. She was the physical version of that knowing eyes emoji.

“It’s not what you think…Paige’s father died.”

“Oh my!”

“I know, and it was this whole thing, and I didn’t wanna leave him, so I cancelled also. It’s fine, all my students did their online assignments.” You shrug and take a sip of your warm drink.

“Is Harry alright?”

“Yeah, I think he felt bad more so for Paige. He seems pretty indifferent about Nathan being gone, though. He wasn’t exactly nice to Harry.”

“I definitely get that. In laws can put a lot of strain on a relationship.”

“He spoke to Andy last night when they got there, and he’s doing fine, so that’s all that matters.” You say as you both brave the cold back up to campus. “Men are…jealous creatures.”

“Very territorial. Like a dog with a fire hydrant.”

“It’s a little degrading, isn’t it? To be compared to a fire hydrant?”

“What happened, exactly?”

“He fell asleep with Paige, like I said, it was a whole thing. Anyways, I guess Noah was really upset about it, but I…didn’t care all that much. I feel secure in what we have, but Harry told me if the situation was reversed he would have flipped most likely.”

“If you had fallen asleep with an ex, you mean?”

“Correct.”

“Interesting.”

“I thought I would have been more upset, especially since I know how Harry sleeps. He’s like a koala bear.” You chuckle. “But he assured me nothing like that happened, and I believed him.”

“It’s a good sign he told you straight away.”

“I guess I just don’t fully understand the jealousy. I mean, I don’t exactly love it when she just drops by, but that’s only because I’m never sure what my place is, you know?”

“Harry is a special breed of man, Y/N. He’s extremely attractive, yes, but he’s also a dork. Fucking a ton of girls probably wasn’t in the cards for him, so when he did find a girl to fuck, he latched onto her. A simp, as the kids would say.” She smirks.

“He told me he used to hook up a bit before we met…”

“And he did, but he had these regular girls. He was terrible at a one night stand, he just couldn’t bring himself to fuck a girl and then leave, you know? So he’d be with the same person for about a month and then move on.”

“He is very simp-like, now that I think about it. Like…my water bottle could be on the coffee table, and I could easily get it myself, but I’ll ask him to do it, and he doesn’t even question me, he just happily grabs it and hands it to me.”

“There you go then. He’d do anything to keep you. Noah’s probably the same with Paige. Noah probably knows that he and Harry share this quality, so that’s when things get embarrassingly territorial.” You both enter the building. You had gotten an extra coffee for Harry so you go right to his office.

“Got you a coffee, Har.”

“Oh!” He smiles and stands up to take it from you. “Thank you.” He kisses your cheek. “How is it out there? Nippy today.”

“Very.” Janette says. “Fucking windy. Winter break can’t come soon enough.” She sighs. “I gotta go prep for my next class, I’ll see you both later.”

You take your jacket off and sit on one of his chairs.

“How does soup sound for dinner tonight?” He asks as he comes to sit next you.

“Oh, are we having dinner tonight?” You raise an eyebrow at him. “I have a lot of work I need to do tonight, babe.”

“I just thought…um…”

“I know Andy’s gone, but I can’t stay over every night of the week, Harry. I didn’t get anything done over Thanksgiving, I need to buckle back down.”

“But think of all the work you’ll get done when I’m away in London.”

“Don’t do that to me, that’s not fair.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re making me feel guilty for being busy.” You sigh. “I can’t come over tonight, maybe tomorrow, or even Friday?”

“I could come to your place when you’re done working if that’s easier.”

“Harry, I love spending the night with you, and I’ll probably miss you when I go to sleep tonight, but I may not go to bed until after midnight depending how in the middle of things I am, I’m sorry.”

“Alright.” He sighs and takes a sip of his coffee.

“It won’t be like this forever. Just another year or so, and then it’ll be done.”

“And…you’ll stay here? You won’t get your degree and then say see you later?”

“Well, they hired me already, I may not be tenure track, but I’m here for the long haul. I’m here with you for the long haul.”

“Then I think it’s time I gave you something.” He gets up and goes into his bag, and then comes back to you. “Here.” He drops a key into your hand.

“What is this?”

“Spare key to my house.” He runs a hand through his hair. “It’s silly for you to always ring the bell and wait, and it’s getting colder so…just come in, you know.”

“Harry, this is so sweet, thank you.” You stand up and hug him. “I’ll…I’ll get a spare for my place made for you too.”

“Only if you really want me to have it.”

“I do! I really do. It makes sense on both ends.” You smile. “I love you so much.” You kiss him, but are interrupted by a tap on the door.

“Um…I’m so sorry, I have a meeting with Dr. Styles…”

“That you do, Brooke! Come on in.” Harry says brightly. “Professor Y/L/N.” He nods to you.

“Dr. Styles.” You nod back and giggle to yourself as you close the door behind you.

“Sorry about that, Brooke, we’re here to discuss spring courses, yeah?” Harry asks as he pulls her information up on his computer.

“Yeah! And no worries, it’s sweet that you’re dating, actually. Known you almost four years now, Dr. Styles, I was wondering when you were gonna settle down.”

“You and me both.” He mumbles as he looks over her current courses. “Okay, most important is your senior seminar…”

//

Thursday night you were pacing around in your apartment in just a large t-shirt, one of Harry’s. You had a highlighter in one hand and a journal article in the other. Harry was being amazing about giving you a little space, you felt sort of bad that he was alone in his house, but he was a big boy, and you were on the verge of a breakthrough. You were getting incredible work down, and you couldn’t afford to not.

The thing you learned about Harry, though, was that not only was he territorial, he was clingy. He was getting his own work done for sure, but he wasn’t under as much pressure as you were. Your PhD wasn’t on the line, he just had different deadlines for his manuscript. You hoped you weren’t putting him through too much by not being as readily available.

//

“Little too hard there, H.” Andre says as he shakes his hand out.

“Sorry, let’s take a break.”

Harry and Andre would sometimes go to the same boxing gym, and Harry had asked him to go with him since you were busy tonight. They each take their gear off and grab their water bottles.

“Everything alright?” Andre asks him.

“Oh, yeah! Everything’s fine, just miss Andy.”

“How’s he been doing?”

“Right now he’s fine because he’s getting to see a lot of his family that he doesn’t normally get to. Saturday will be rough probably, but he’ll be okay I think.”

“Can I ask…why aren’t you with Y/N right now? If I were a single parent I’d be jumping at the chance to be alone with my girlfriend.”

“I thought she would too, but you know how it is when you’re doing thesis work. She didn’t want to change up her routine and not get some work done. I’m hoping when I go to London she’ll get a fuck ton done so she can take a little break. I wanna invite her to the cabin for Andy’s February break.”

“So…she’s invited to that, but not to London?”

“Way too soon for that.” Harry says. “It’s only been five months. I did just give her a key to my place, though, and she gave me one to hers, so that’s nice.”

“I think you’re just scared to have her meet your mumma.” Andre smirks.

“Leave my mum outta this.” He says warningly. “That’s not it at all. Three weeks is a long time to spend alone with someone in a foreign country.”

“Fair point. She’d have no escape when she realizes you’re a twat.”

“Oi!”

“Come on, I’ve caught a second wind, let’s punch the bag for a bit.”

//

“Happy Friday.” You say to Harry Friday morning when you see he’s in.

“Morning, babe.” He smiles and gestures for you to come in. He gives you a kiss on the cheek.

“Do anything fun last night?”

“I went to the gym with Andre.”

“Oh good! Did a little boxing?” You get into a fighting stance and pretend to jab at Harry which makes him laugh.

“Yeah.” He grabs your wrists to get you to stop. “That’s enough of that.”

“What’s wrong? Don’t want me to beat your ass up?” You giggle.

“You’re in a particularly chipper mood for someone who hasn’t had much sleep.”

Perhaps to help yourself get to sleep you used your favorite purple item to tire yourself out, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Just happy to see you, now let me go.” He releases your wrists. “Do you feel like grabbing a bite to eat tonight?”

“Like a date?” He perks up.

“No, I mean hanging out as friends, why would we go on a date?” You furrow your brows and gasp. “Harry, do you like me?”

“You’re the least funny person I’ve ever fucking met.” He chuckles.

“Then why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re an idiot.” He smiles and shakes his head.

“Okay, okay, yes, like a date. I feel bad that I was busy these last couple of days, I thought it might be fun to actually go out for dinner. Give you a break from cooking.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice, actually. Where do you feel like going?”

“Thai?”

“Oh, excellent idea. Could definitely go for some drunken noodles. Let’s make it like a real date, I’ll pick you up at your place and everything.”

“Does seven work?”

“It’s perfect.”

You blow him a kiss and leave his office. Harry was absolutely feral, he didn’t know if he was going to last all day and evening without getting you naked, but he was up for the challenge.

//

Harry wanted to kill you when he saw you walk out the door of your apartment building. You were wearing this long coat, but you had heels on, and you were wearing red lipstick. How the fuck was he supposed to get through his meal. You smile at him while he opens the car door for you.

When you get to the restaurant and get seated, he wanted to kill you again. A red dress to match your red lipstick.

“You’re staring.” You say as you look over the menu, and then look up at him through your lashes.

“You just look really nice, is all.”

“I do? I just threw this look together. Thank you.”

“Right.”

“You were thinking of the drunken noodle, yeah? I might do that too.”

“Wanna split that and some sushi.”

“Sure.”

You each order a cocktail with dinner and Harry gets distracted watching your lips move around the straw each time you take a sip. Not only that, but your lipstick ends up smearing onto your chopsticks. You both chat about how your weeks went, and what you were planning for finals.

“How’s your actual paper coming?”

“Good! My references page grows every day. I’ve got twenty pages written so far, but I have to edit what I have so it’ll be like ten when I’m done. It’s awfully frustrating.”

“Any time you want me to look something over for you I’m happy to.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that. Lisa’s been looking things over for me. She’s really happy with my work.”

“Why wouldn’t she be, you’re brilliant.” He reaches across the table and gives your hand a squeeze.

“Thought I was an idiot.” You pout.

“I was teasing.” He rolls his eyes.

You hum your response just as your entrees come to the table. The drunken noodle didn’t not disappoint, and neither did your second drink. Once dinner is through, and Harry pays (even though you nearly lunged across the table for the check), you head out to his car. He hands you a mint to suck on and he pops one into his mouth. When he pulls up to your building, he parks, and turns the car off. He unbuckles and so do you, but you stop him from opening the door. He looks at you confused, but you grin, and get your fist around the collar of his jacket and yank him towards you, slotting your mouth over his. It was probably too cold to be making out in the car, but Harry was too busy feeling dizzy from your kiss to care. You suck on his tongue, tasting the mint he had been sucking on. Your hands go to his hair, messing it up completely. Your tongue drags from his jaw to his neck, and then you bite down.

“Can’t leave a mark there.” He grunts, but doesn’t pull you away.

“You’re absolutely right, sorry.” You wipe the corners of your mouth. “Let’s go inside.”

Harry nods and gets out of the car, jogging around the other side to open your door. Once you’re inside your place, and your coats are off, you’re on him. You take him by surprise, pressing him up against the wall right outside your bedroom. You suck on his bottom lip as you unbutton his shirt. You leave kiss marks from your lipstick down his stomach. You undo his belt and get his pants to drop to the floor. You get into a ski-squat position to kiss his growing bulge over his boxers.

“Y/N, please.” He breathes.

“You tease all the time.” You look up at him. “Why can’t I?”

“Because…”

“What’s that?” You stand up fully. “Can’t find a good enough reason?” Harry swallows hard as you look him up and down.

“I’m a bit tongue tied at the moment.”

“Don’t tell me after all this time that I still make you nervous, Harry.” Your lips ghost the shell of his ear as your hand slides down his body, palming him through his boxers.

“Who said you made me nervous, ngh, in the first place?” You step back and give him a look. “Okay, you used to make me a little nervous, but that was only because my feelings for you caught me off guard. If I had time to get ahead of it, you would have been the nervous one.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

Harry kicks his jeans away, and dips down to lift you over his shoulder. You squeal and giggle as he carries you into your bedroom. You loved when you could rile him up like this. Just as there were times you wanted to make all the decisions for him, you liked it just as much as when he made all the decisions. After the week you had of research and writing, you just wanted to be taken care of. That’s why you wore the dress, and that’s why you wore the lipstick. You knew it would work him up all night.

“What are you gonna do to me, Harry?” You ask innocently once he’s gotten you on the bed.

“What do you want me to do?” He asks as he shrugs his shirt the rest of the way off and sets his glasses down.

“I want…you to do whatever you want.”

“You sure wanna give me the full reigns like that? Because I would love to-“

“You’re not fucking my ass.”

“Ever?”

“I’ll tell you what, I get to do you first. You should have to feel what it’s like, and if it doesn’t hurt, then you can do me.”

“Okay.” He shrugs.

“Okay?!”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to fuck your ass?!”

“If it means I get to fuck yours, I’ll even let you tie me up when you do it.”

“Oh…well, that’s actually pretty tempting.” You look off as if to think about it. “A conversation for another time, though. For now…just do whatever else.”

“Okay.” He knees onto the bed and hovers over you, kissing you tenderly. “I’m gonna fuck you with these heels on.” You giggle at him. “With just these heels on.”

The best kind of shiver goes up your spine and you bite your bottom lip. You get off the bed and stand so he can unzip your dress. Harry slowly drags the zipper down, and kisses on your neck and shoulder. Your dress drops to the floor and you smirk as you turn around.

“What…the…” His eyes nearly pop out of his head.

He thought you were simply wearing black nylons, but you had actually worn thigh high stockings attached to a garter belt. You had a pair of black lace panties and a bra to match.

“Do you like it?”

“You’ve been spoiling me with all these little outfits.” He hands go to your hips. “You look so incredibly sexy, Y/N. How’d I get so lucky, hm?”

“I ask myself the same question all the time, Harry.”

His hands slide up your back as your mouths reconnect. He unhooks your bra and tosses it somewhere before getting you back on the bed. He kisses on your neck while his palms rub over your breasts, getting your nipples to pebble. He tweaks them a bit before working his mouth down to nip and suck. He practically slobbers all over you, but you don’t care at all, his mouth on you feels too good. You realize he’s giving you a hickey right on your nipple and you groan.

Harry works his way down your body, biting at the parts of the garter that were attached to your stockings. He tugs it all the way off, leaving you in the lace panties, stockings and heels. He licks his lips before kissing you through the lace.

“H-Harry, please.”

“Just wanted to see how wet you were.” He smirks and tugs the panties down your legs. “Good now?”

“Mhm, thank you.”

He opens your legs and blows softly on the area before licking the flat of his tongue up your center. He had you right where he wanted you, so he stops and you look up at him.

“Get on your stomach for me.” He says. You furrow your brows in confusion but you do as he says. You start to get on your hands and knees, but he stops you. “Nope, just stay flat on your stomach, babe.”

“Okay.” You rest your chin on your folded arms.

Harry sits on his calves next to you and starts running his hands over your ass. You fucked up when you told him he could do whatever he wanted because now he was just going to take his sweet time with you. His hand slips between your cheeks and he rubs around your folds. You take a deep breath as he daintily plays with you. He would take his hand away and your body would arch to chase after him. He was getting you wetter with each touch. His middle finger slides inside you and just as soon he slides it out. You look over at him and see the slight smirk on his face as he looks at his now sticky finger. He does it again and again, and then he slides two fingers inside you.

“Harry.” You whine.

“You’ve been stressed, I want you to relax.” He says as he slowly fingers you. It was agonizing, but it felt good the deeper he would go.

He slides his fingers back out and drags all of the wetness up to your other hole, and then he slides back inside, nice and deep. He shifts himself a little so he could still finger you, but his other hand had a grip on one of your ass cheeks so he could see what he was doing better. He brings his mouth down to nip at your plush skin, and then his tongue slides over your hole. You grit your teeth from the sensation. In the five months you’ve been intimate with Harry this aspect of things still surprised you. You welcomed it because he knew what he was doing and it made you feel really good, but it was still surprising nonetheless. You squeeze around his fingers and start grinding against him and the bed. You start breathing heavier, and you feel your orgasm bubbling up. He feels it too, so he pulls his mouth and fingers from you.

“Harry, please don’t edge me tonight, come on.”

“For someone that wants me to be in charge you sure like telling me what to do.” He smirks down at you, and smooth some hair away from your face. “If you wanted it quick why didn’t you just fuck me instead?”

“I…I…I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make you wait for long. Just…humor me, yeah?”

“Okay.”

He smiles and goes to sit up against your headboard. He opens his legs and looks at you.

“Come sit in front of me.”

You sit up and do just that. He uses his legs to hook over yours to keep yours open. You welcome the weight of his on yours. He didn’t want you to be able to clamp together, this you were sure of. He makes a fist with your hair and wraps it around his wrist to move your head how he wants. He tilts your head so you’ll look at him, and he leans in to kiss you. Just as his tongue meets yours, his other hand travels down your body, giving your breast a nice squeeze before getting to your clit. You gasp into his mouth. His lips don’t leave yours even though you’re practically breathing him in and out. His fingers go between your folds, gathering all you’ll give him, and then back to your clit to rub circles into you. You hook an arm up around his head to tug at his hair, and your other hand digs into his thigh. He loved when he could get you like this, just totally at his mercy.

“H-Harry.” You mumble against his lips. He sucks on your bottom lip as two of his fingers slip inside you while his thumb stays on your clit. “Fuck.” You breathe.

You were getting close again, and you wanted to close your legs desperately, but his were stronger, so he keeps you in place. He does let you grind against him, though, so you’re grateful. His curled fingers were petting perfectly against your spongey front wall. You could feel how swollen your lips were getting from him continuously kissing you.

“Oh…oh my god.” You moan.

“Yeah? Feel it coming?”

“Yes.” Your eyes flutter open just for a moment, and you see him waiting for you to finish your statement. “Harry.”

“I want you to feel so good, come for me, Y/N.” He says as his lips ghost against yours.

“Shit, H-Harry.” You were squeezing around his fingers again. “Feels amazing.”

“Let go, Y/N.” He bites at your lower lip again and starts rubbing your clit furiously.

“Oh, fuck!” You start panting against him and then you lose it. Your head rolls back against his shoulder and your back arches. Your nails press crescents into his thigh. He rubs gentler as you come down from your high and catch your breath. He presses kisses to your cheek and neck.

“Wasn’t so bad was it?” He whispers into your ear, causing goosebumps to raise all over your body. “Waiting just a little bit?”

“No, it was fine.” You crane your neck to look at him. “You just like to play too damn much.” You smirk, and it makes him laugh into your neck. “Will you fuck me now?”

“Yes, baby.”

He lets you settle comfortably onto your back as he gets his boxers off, and a condom on. He gets on top of you and slides in, a sigh of relief leaving your lips. You hold him close to you, wrapping your arms and legs around him, your chests rubbing against each other. He rocks in and out of you as you hold his head to your neck. He sucks on your skin, overwhelming all of your senses. You start feeling your eyes burn with tears, and you try to blink them away. Oh no, you think to yourself. He kisses up your cheek and feels the wetness from the tears, and stops altogether to look at you, cradling your cheeks his hands.

“What’s happening, am I hurting you?!”

“No! I…” You start laughing as you cry. “I just feel really good.”

“So you’re crying?!”

“It happens sometimes. I can’t really control it…it’ll stop on its own.”

“Fucking scared me.” He chuckles and wipes his thumbs under your eyes. “You…you look like a raccoon.” He bursts into a heavier laugh and so do you.

“Good, can’t wait to see how fucked up I look when we’re done.”

//

You did look awfully fucked up, and you washed your face accordingly before getting into bed with Harry. He wraps himself around you, and you almost feel high from how cared for he makes you feel. He was like the teddy bear you always wished you had growing up. Harry came with a lot of baggage, more than you really thought, but then again you only knew so much about him when you were just friends. Sometimes it scared you to basically be stepping into a motherly role for Andy when you had no idea how to be a mom. You babysat when you were younger, and that’s all you really had to base watching him on. But times like these, when Harry was holding onto you like his life depended on it, you really felt like none of it mattered. You’d take being a little scared of the unknown over being without him completely any day. You were happy that you were friends for a while before you got together, but knowing what you know now, and how happy he made you…perhaps you would have been less stingy about your feelings towards dating a colleague.

//

Sunday evening you were cooking dinner with Harry at his place. He had let you be Saturday so you could get some chores done, and so you could work, which you greatly appreciated. He did, however, ask you to spend the night Sunday because he wanted you there when Andy got back from Connecticut. The conversation they had on the phone Saturday after the funeral was rough, and Harry didn’t know if he could handle Andy being so emotional alone.

Just as you were getting the casserole you were making into the oven, you both hear the front door open. Andy looked exhausted, as did Paige. He perks up a bit when he sees you with Harry.

“Hi.” He says shyly. “I’ll come out in a minute, I just wanna put my stuff away.” He says and goes to his room.

“How was it?” Harry asks Paige as she steps further into the home.

“Rough…I…can’t believe I really had to say goodbye to my dad, you know?”

“I’m so sorry.” You say.

“Thank you.” She swallows. “Um, my mom is in the car, so I can’t stay long. She’s going to move in with us…which was a super fun conversation to have. Allie is taking care of her condo, and we were able to pack most of her essentials while we were there.”

“If there’s anything I can do…” Harry says.

“I know, I’ll let you know, thank you.”

“How is she holding up…your mom?” You ask.

“As good as she can. I think she’s still processing everything, she’s been stoic during the day, but I’ve heard her cry at night. I’m glad she’ll be with all of us. Noah was a huge help in keeping her distracted. He actually ended up coming with Rachel on Thursday.”

Harry looks at you quickly, and then back at Paige.

“I figured he would. Is everything fine with you two?”

“Water under the bridge…he also…feels bad for how he spoke to you.”

“It’s fine.”

“Anyways, Christmas will definitely be interesting this year, but we’ll all get through it together. There are some things I need to meet with you about…some stuff in my dad’s will you need to know about. Would you be able to meet for lunch or something this week?”

“Sure.” Harry takes out his phone to look at his planner. “I’ve got time Wednesday if that works for you.”

“Wednesday works. I’m gonna be working from home for a bit to get my mom settled, so I’ll be able to meet you easily.”

“Alright.”

Andy comes back out with his hands in his pockets.

“I’m gonna get going, honey.”

“Okay.” He gives his mom a big hug. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” She waves off to Harry and you before leaving.

Andy looks at the door for a few moments and then turns to look at Harry. His eyes well up, and his bottom lip quivers.

“Come here.” Harry says softly, and Andy throws himself into Harry’s arms. “I know, you’ve been through a lot.”

You come over to the two of them to rub Andy’s back, and it helps him breathe easier.

“You’re really brave, Andy. You did a good thing by going with your mum.” You tell him.

“If you wanna take another day off from school you can.” Harry tells him.

“No, that’s okay.” Andy sniffles and looks up at the two of you. “I miss my friends, and I just wanna get back into my routine.” He steps away from Harry and wipes his eyes. “Can I go call Brandon?”

“Sure, dinner will be ready in an hour if you feel hungry.”

“Okay.” Andy looks at you. “Are you staying the night?”

“I’ve been invited to, yes.”

“Good.” He smiles. “I like it when you’re here.”

Your heart nearly bursts as he walks down the hall to his room. Harry kisses your cheek and goes back into the kitchen.

“How are you doing, are you okay?” Brandon asks Andy over the phone.

“I’m doing better now…yesterday was the worst. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom cry so much. Noah helped her calm down, but…”

“But what?”

“Well, it’s weird, I’ve seen my mom cry before, and my dad is usually the one that can get her stop completely.”

“Your dad is so chill, it’s probably just his entire vibe, you know?”

“I wish he had been there.”

“Why didn’t he go?”

“I don’t really know. I guess my mom’s side of the family doesn’t exactly love him, but I don’t know why. She has to meet with him later this week to talk about something my Gramp left behind. No one tells me anything, though.”

“Did you get to see your cousins at least?”

“Yeah! It was so weird, like, people were laughing and having fun every day until Saturday hit. Then it all got real. I was looking at a ton of pictures of my Gramp from when he was young, and I sort of look like him…in the nose.”

“I was gonna say, you look just like your dad.” Brandon giggles. “It’s the hair.” Andy giggles too.

“That’s another reason why I wished he was there. My mom never gets the mousse right, only my dad really knows how to put it in.”

“Is that you get those really curly curls?”

“Yup.”

“Did you have to wear a suit?”

“Yeah, but I need a new one, I’m getting too tall for this one.”

“You’re gonna be a giant, Andy.”

“Last time I saw my doctor, she told me I was probably going to be six feet!”

“Holy shit!”

“I know!”

“So…you’re gonna be back in school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, did you get all my homework for me?”

“Mhm, it’s in my locker, and I took notes for you too.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. It was really boring while you were gone…I…you know, I missed you.”

Andy could feel his cheeks heating up.

“I missed you too.” He says softly. “Um, maybe you could come over sometime this week. I’m sure I’ll need help catching up.”

“Yeah! Hey…you missed when we talked about bus buddies for winter program, and…well…you’ll be mine again this year, right?”

“Who else would I sit next to?” Andy laughs. “Of course.”

“Okay cool, just wanted to make sure.”

The oven goes off and you take the casserole out. Harry takes a big whiff and hums in adoration. He wraps his arms around you and kisses your neck.

“Smells so good, babe. Thank you for putting this together.”

“Oh, it was no problem.”

“Ahem.” Andy says, smirking at the two of you. “You could save that for your room, you know?” He says as he sits down at the table.

“It’s just a hug.” Harry rolls his eyes, and cuts up the casserole as you get the plates.

“Right.”

“How’s Brandon?” You ask, trying to change the subject. You set a plate down in front of Andy and he thanks you.

“He’s good…he asked me to be his bus buddy for winter program again this year.”

“That’s good.” Harry says as he sits down.

“And he got all my homework for me and took extra notes. I told me we could hang out after school at some point this week, would that be okay?”

“Sure.” Harry shrugs. “I could bring you both to school so you could get your homework done.”

“No, I’d rather hang out here if that’s alright.”

“Okay, just pick a night and let me know so I can make something good for dinner.” Harry smiles.

Andy chews on his inner cheek, having not taken a bite of dinner yet.

“Andy…I can make you something else if you’re not into the casserole.” You say.

“It’s not that…my stomach just feels weird.”

“Weird how?” Harry asks. “Do you think you caught a bug or something?”

“No…I…feel, like, nervous? I can’t really describe it.”

“Nervous about what?” You ask softly.

Andy looks at you and goes to speak, but then he looks at his dad, and decides to take a bite of food instead.

“This is good, Y/N, thanks for making it.”

You and Harry look at each other. You know it’s best not to pry, so you let Andy sit there and eat. After dinner is cleaned up, Harry goes to take a shower since he didn’t have time earlier.

“Y/N?” Andy says to you shyly.

“Yeah?”

“Um…you’ve never seen my room before, would you like to?”

“Sure! I’d be honored.” You smile and walk down the hall with him. He shows you everything and you look around. “This is a really nice space, Andy.” You note the Ariana Grande poster on the wall. He also has a smaller poster of Michael Che and Colin Jost. “Do you watch SNL?”

“Sometimes Dad lets me watch reruns, yeah.” He looks over at his poster. “They’re both really funny, even if I don’t always get it.”

“Yeah.” You smile. “My dad used to tape SNL so we could watch it at as a family on Sundays. Then he could fast forward the more adult content.” You chuckle. “And you like Ari?” You point to the other poster.

“Her voice is pretty.” He mumbles.

“I think so too. She’s very talented.”

“Dad said he’d take me to see her next time she tours…but he doesn’t really like her music.”

“Well, luckily for you I do, so I’ll just go with you.”

“Really?!”

“Sure.” You shrug.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever feel nervous around my dad?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like…how did you put it one time? Butterflies, can butterflies feel like being nervous?”

“Sometimes.” You sigh with a smile. “Yeah, your dad gives me butterflies a lot.”

“Does it ever feel scary?”

“It did at first, but now I welcome it. Is that the type of nervous you’re feeling?”

“I don’t…I don’t know.” He starts sniffling and you’re not sure what to do.

“Can I sit next to you?” He nods yes and you sit next to him on his bed. “Would you like a hug?” You didn’t want to just touch him without asking. He nods again, and you put your arm around him. He leans into you. “Is this because Brandon told you he missed you?”

“I just wasn’t expecting him to say that. I told him I missed him too. He said school was boring without me. I…he makes me feel this way a lot, and it keeps happening more and more, but I don’t really know why.”

“You two are just really close, it’s okay.”

“Did my dad give you butterflies before you got together?”

“He made me feel nervous, yeah. Like…I guess I wasn’t putting two and two together much when he would say or do certain things. I had a feeling he might like me, but it took me some more time to realize I liked him too.”

“You know how I knew he liked you?” He looks up at you with a smile.

“How?” You smile down at him.

“He started talking about you a lot at dinner. At first he’d say my friend said something funny today, or on Sunday nights he’d tell me he went out with his new friend, or how smart his new friend was during game night. Then he started using your name, and anytime I’d ask him about you he’d, like, smile before answering. It was obvious.” He rolls his eyes. “Then when you came on that hike with us…I had never seen him so…”

“Rigid?”

“Yeah! Good thing I was there, or he never would have invited you to my party.” He scoffs.

“Yeah, good thing.” You give his shoulder a squeeze. “Andy…you have a lot of time to figure out how you’re feeling about things and people. Middle school is a really confusing time, but I want you to know whatever you’re feeling is totally valid, and I’m happy to talk any time, okay?”

“Okay, thanks.” He smiles at you, and you share a hug before you get up. “I’m gonna read and then go to bed.”

“Alright, I’ll let your dad know, sweet dreams.”

You come out to the living room to find Harry watching TV. You plop down next to him and sigh.

“That was cute.” He says to you without looking at you.

“What?”

“The chat you just had with him.” He looks at you now with a smile.

“How did you…?”

“I popped my head in for a second while you were sitting with him. I didn’t want to disturb the moment so I walked away quickly.”

“I think he has a crush on Brandon. He has butterflies when he talks to him, and judging by what Brandon said to him, I could see Brandon maybe having a crush too.”

Harry sighs and nods.

“I…I’m petrified of him getting his heart broken this young.” He runs his hands over his face. “I’m almost hoping it’s reciprocated.”

“I think we’re all hoping it is.” You give his thigh a squeeze and snuggle into his side. “What are we watching?”

//

Harry was really nervous to ask you the question he had been avoiding all day, but he was getting down to the wire, and he needed to rip the band aid. It was Wednesday, and Harry was supposed to meet Paige, but she couldn’t get away from her mother for lunch. She had some time in the late afternoon, though.

“Y/N?” Harry taps on your door frame and you smile at him.

“Hi, what’s up?”

“Could I ask a huge favor of you?”

“What do you need?”

“Would you be able to pick Andy from school? I can call them and let them know you’re safe for him to go with. I…wasn’t able to meet Paige for lunch, but she has time in a bit, so-“

“What time?”

“He gets out at 2:30…”

“Sure, I could do that. My last class ends at two.”

“God, you’re a lifesaver. I’m sorry if this messes with your afternoon.”

“It doesn’t. Do you want me to get something started for dinner or help him get started with his homework?”

“No, that’s alright. Oh, shit.” He groans.

“What?”

“Brandon’s supposed to come over after school, fuck.”

“Harry, I can get them both home. I can just work up in your loft, right?”

“You really don’t mind?”

“Of course not.”

Harry’s entire body relaxes and he comes over to you. He tilts your chin up so he can lean down to give you a steamy kiss.

“I love you so much, thank you.”

“You’re, um, you’re welcome.” You mouth feels dry all of a sudden. He kisses you again before you can get a sip of water.

“I’m gonna call the school and text Andy. I have to go in a minute, thank you, Y/N, seriously.”

You nod as he steps out of your office. It made you sad sometimes because Harry really was doing the single dad thing, and you knew it wore in him at times. You wanted to help alleviate things as much as could.

//

“I’m so sorry about lunch, my mom was insisting on coming for the conversation, and I just didn’t wanna put you through that.” Paige says when they sit down at a coffee shop that was a midway point between their homes.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“Y/N’s picking Andy up from school?” Harry nods at her. “Good.” She swallows. “So…basically…my father put you in his will.”

“What?!” She slides some documents for him to read. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know exactly. He last updated it three years ago, and he left all these personal letters with it. This one was for you…take your time to read it.”

Harry takes the envelope and opens it. His eyes widen when he sees the pristine calligraphy:

Harry,

I know I haven’t always been the best father in law, or whatever I’m considered to be since you and Paige never married. Looking back on it, I know Lydia and I could have handled things better with you. I’ve had some time to reflect, and I know money can’t buy love, but I hope you’ll accept this as some form of an apology. Thanks to you, I have a grandson, and he’s one hell of one. I’ve loved watching him grow, and every day I’m thankful you didn’t just pack up and try to take him to London with you. I’m leaving him some money as well, mostly a trust fund that can be used for when goes to college. He can access it when he’s eighteen. My wish is for him to go to whatever college he wants, and not have to worry about the finances. The money I’m leaving you, however, is to be set aside for a rainy day. I trust Paige with what will be left to her, but I need to know you have something just in case she ever runs into any trouble. I know she can take care of herself, but I know if she ever had a problem she’d go to you first. I know she’s met someone new, but she still speaks of you so fondly. I’m glad you two have worked things out the way you have, even if I don’t always express it. That’s more so for Lydia’s sake. You know what they say: Happy Wife, Happy Life.

All my love,

Nathan

Harry was speechless, and teary eyed. He had no idea Nathan had been harboring such kindness. Why not pull him aside some time and just talk man to man? The last time Harry saw him was at Andy’s eleventh birthday party, and now he was just riddled with guilt for sort of being a dick. Maybe if he had made more of an effort to speak with him they could have had this conversation.

“Wow, uh…”

“His note to me made me speechless too.” Paige says. “I think…I think he knew he had developed a heart condition, and kept it to himself so we wouldn’t be worried. He always said being the father of two girls made him want to be our superman, so…”

“So he kept his ailments to himself.” Harry sighs with understanding.

“Course I was closer with him than Allie, but I feel like that happens with any youngest kid.”

“You were very precious to him. You could tell. Allie isn’t close with your mother either, to be fair.”

“Can you blame her? Who would want to be close to such a shrill woman?” Paige scoffs. “God, and now she’s living with me.” She groans. “At least she has her own area of the home.”

“Paige…you need to make sure you set some boundaries. This is your home that she’s living in now, you get to make the rules.”

“I’m terrible at doing that though.” She pouts. “And Noah doesn’t wanna make waves with her either, even though she loves him. You’re way better at laying down the law. You never had a problem standing up to her.”

“Because I had nothing to lose.” He smirks. “What could she say to me?”

“Very true.” She chuckles. “Anyways, the lawyers are going to be cutting all of the checks soon. Since it’s an inheritance you shouldn’t have to worry about it getting taxed as income, and the check will be mailed directly to your house. The money for Andy will stay in the trust fund he set up.”

“Right, okay, all that sounds good. I mean, I know we both put away for his college fund, but it’s nice to know we have some extra cushion for it.”

“Yeah, definitely.” She sighs.

“it’ll get easier, Paige.”

“I know…” She looks away for a moment. “I just feel terrible that he’s not going to get to walk me down the aisle.”

“Maybe Andy could do it.”

“No, I want him to walk my mom down.” She looks at Harry. “It doesn’t matter right now, anyways. It’s months away.”

“This summer, right?”

“Mhm…you got our save the date?”

“I did.” He nods.

“She’s invited too…Y/N…I’m assuming she’ll be your plus one.”

“Oh, do I get a plus one? Here I was thinking I’d go stag and try to get in good with one of your lovely cousins.”

“Harry!” She smacks his hand playfully. “Don’t even joke.” She rolls her eyes.

“In all seriousness, you really don’t think it’ll be weird with me there?”

“No, I want you there…everyone does. Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“Not necessarily.” He shrugs. “I want you to marry Noah. I just know other people are going to think it’s weird because they don’t understand how we all are.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

//

Meanwhile…

You get to the middle school precisely at 2:30PM. You weren’t sure if Andy remembered what your car looked like, so you decide to stand outside of it, and lean against the passenger door. It was a bitterly cold day, clouds covering the sun, but you don’t mind it. Slowly but surely you start to see kids trickle out. Lines going out to buses, and other kids meeting parents at their cars. Andy and Brandon come out all bundled up. You wave at them and they hustle over faster.

“Hi, boys!” You say brightly as you all get into your warm car. “How was school?”

“Good.” They say at the same time.

“Y/N, how come Dad couldn’t come get us?”

“What am I, chopped liver?” You scoff and it makes them both laugh.

“No…just wondering.”

“He had to go meet your mum to chat about some stuff. They were supposed to meet for lunch, but this time worked better so I’ll be taking you home and hanging out. Anything in particular you boys want for dinner?”

“Can we have pizza?”

“Nice try.” You look at them through the rearview mirror. “Dad bought plenty of groceries on Sunday, we’ll be eating in.”

“I thought you said she was fun?” Brandon whispers to Andy.

“She is.” He whispers back and you smile to yourself.

You get the boys inside, and they practically race to Andy’s room. You fix them with a snack of cheese and crackers, and then go up to Harry’s loft. You didn’t go up there often because it was his work space, but you needed the extra quiet. His setup was great. He had an extra docking station so he could just plug his computer in and use two screens. All you had at home was an HDMI and a spare monitor. Your eyes widen when you see he’s added a new photo to his desk. He had a lot of family photos on the walls up here, ones of him and his mum and sister. Ones of his nieces and nephews, quite a few of Andy. Your favorite was the picture of him holding Andy skin to skin when he was first born. But the new one sitting on his desk was of the two of you. He must have just gotten it printed because it was from Thanksgiving. Phil had taken a nice picture of the two of you while you were still at his place.

“God, he’s so sweet.” You pout at the photo and shake your head. Focus, Y/N.

After two hours you decide your eyes and wrists need a rest. You go down to Andy’s room and clear your throat to get their attention. Brandon was sitting on Andy’s bed with a notebook and textbook open, and Andy was sat at his desk.

“You’re still doing homework?”

“Sixth grade is heavy, Y/N.” Andy says.

“Yikes.” You chuckle. “Well, have you decided what you’d like for dinner?”

“Tacos?”

“Sure, I could make tacos.” You nod. “I know your dad got everything for that, and I bet he’ll like it for dinner too.”

“Do you need help?” Brandon asks.

“I can handle it, but thank you very much for offering.” You smile. “When you finish your homework feel free to go play some video games or watch TV.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” Andy smiles and turns back to his studies.

You nod and make your way to the kitchen. You were wondering when Harry would be home exactly. You didn’t think his conversation would take as long as it was. You knew you needed to make some ground beef for the boys, so you get that started first, and then you get the black bean crumbles together for you and Harry. The rest is pretty easy, you just needed to put out all of the fixings. Due to the sizzling of the meat in the pan you don’t even hear the front door open.

“Mm, smells like tacos in here!” Harry chimes as he takes his coat off. He comes over to you, wrapping his arms around you from behind. “You’re an angel you know that?”

“It’s just ground beef and taco seasoning.” You giggle as he plants kisses to your cheek before letting you go.

“No, it’s more than that. Thank you so much for getting them. What are they up to?”

“Finishing homework, I told them they could play video games when they were done, but dinner’s almost ready, so maybe that’ll be an after dinner thing.” You shrug.

“I’m gonna go say hi to them.”

You nod and watch Harry walk down the hall.

“Hi, boys.”

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hi, Mr. Styles.”

They were both sitting on Andy’s bed, looking at something on Brandon’s smart phone.

“Dinner’s just about ready, why don’t you both wash up and then come to the table?”

The boys get up and go into the bathroom to wash their hands. Harry comes out to you putting everything on the table.

“Smell so good, babe, thank you.”

“You’re more than welcome.” You smile.

The boys scarf their food down at dinner so they can play their video games. You and Harry don’t mind, it gave you a chance to have some adult conversation at the table. He tells you about the money Nathan has left him to put away, and he tells you about the letter he had left for him.

“That’s incredible.”

“I know, I’m still in shock, honestly.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Okay, I guess. It’s a really big change, you know? Losing a parent, and then having the other one move in with you. Her relationship with her mum is so strained, but maybe it’ll get better with them having to be around each other so much. That’s my hope anyways. Lydia can be such a…” He looks over at the boys and then back to you, whispering, “bitch.”

You nearly choke on your food from laughing. Harry cleans up the dishes since you cooked, and you go sit on the couch to watch the boys play Mario Kart.

“B, do I need to bring you home, or is Dad coming for you?”

“Dad’s coming around seven, Mr. Styles.”

Harry looks at his watch and sees that it’s quarter of seven.

“Did you get all your homework done?” He asks.

“Yes.” They both say at the same time.

Brandon’s dad comes to get him at seven, and he gives Andy a hug goodbye, and thanks everyone for having him.

“He’s so polite.” You say.

“Yeah, I’m really glad Andy is friends with him. Nice to have a good kid around him, you know?” Everyone goes back to the couch. “An hour of TV, then I want you in bed with a book, buddy.”

“Okay.” Andy says as he gets cozy on the loveseat.

Harry gets up a couple of time while the two of you watch TV after Andy goes to bed.

“What are you doing?”

“I just wanna see if he’s asleep yet, and he is. Totally zonked out now.” He grins at you.

“And?”

“So…” He nods towards his bedroom door.

“Oh!” You grin and get up. “You don’t think he’ll hear anything?” You whisper.

“Nah, he sleeps with music on.” Harry says as he closes and locks his door. “But locking the door can’t hurt for the time being.” He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into his chest. “Missed you today.”

“Missed you too.” You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him.

“I wanna treat you. You were so good to me today, good to them.”

“Harry…I don’t need anything special for doing the bare minimum. I’m your girlfriend, and you have a kid, what I did today is just part of it.” You shrug.

“Even still.” He kisses you. “I wanna make you feel good.” You raise an eyebrow at him. “No teasing, I promise.”

“Okay.”

You strip yourself of your clothes and lay down on his bed. He strips down to his boxers and hovers over you, taking the time to lick into your mouth, to kiss you like he needed to. He’s wanted your tongue on his all day. Kissing you alone really did just make him feel good. It made him feel fuzzy all over, and he loved it. He trails his mouth down your body, not spending too much time on your breasts, but enough. He really didn’t want to make you wait that long this time. He parts your legs and kisses from your knee to your inner thigh, leaving a couple of love bites behind that had you squirming.

He sucks two of his fingers into his mouth and then brings them down to your center, pushing inside and twisting. He watches as your eyes roll back, then you prop yourself up on your elbows so you can watch him. He pumps in and out of you twisting his fingers each time. He sits up slightly, getting one of your legs over his shoulder, and uses his other hand to rub at your throbbing clit.

“Fuck, Harry.” You grit your teeth.

“Good?”

“Mhm.” You whimper.

“Good.” He kisses your knee and continues on with what he’s doing.

He does something that surprises you when he lets your leg go back on the bed. His fingers pump in and out of you slower, now starting to curl up, but he wells up some spit and lets it drip from his mouth and down to your clit. Your mouth falls open and your cheeks heat up. He flashes you a smirk before bringing his mouth down to your clit. He sucks harshly on you and you have to bite down on your forearm to keep from moaning out too loudly.

Harry moves his face from side to side, and then looks up at you as he keeps his mouth on you while letting more of his spit pour over you. One of your hands flies to his hair for you to tug on and his eyes flutter closed. His tongue laps around your clit as his fingers continue to work magic inside you.

“H-Harry.” You moan in a whisper. You were getting closer, and you didn’t know how much longer you could hold on for, not that you really needed to, but everything just felt so good you wanted it to last.

He makes the ‘come here’ motion inside you as fast as he possibly can, the tips of his fingers no doubt pruny at that this point from how drenched you are. You bite your bottom lip so harshly you think you’ve broken the skin. Your vision goes hazy and your back arches off the bed. You hear a ringing in your ears from the all the rushing blood. He gives you a moment to compose yourself before licking you clean. Your body jolts up from the sensitivity.

“God.” You breathe as your vision becomes clear again. “You’re, like, too good at that.”

“Thanks.” He chuckles as he straddles your hips.

“How come you like eating out so much?”

“Almost six months together and you’re just asking that now?”

“I’m suddenly very curious.”

“You’re stalling cause you’re sensitive.”

“Not true.” You scoff.

“Alright, well, I just like it.” He shrugs. “Nothing more to it than that. I like making other people feel good, it helps make me feel good. I’m always throbbing by the time I’m done, you know that.”

“Sorta seems like you have a praise kink.” You smirk. “It makes sense, you like hearing your own name, you get off making someone else feel good. Should I moan more about how good it feels, would you like that, Harry?” You bat your lashes at him.

“I’m getting the condom.” He says as he gets off you, disregarding your question. He slides his boxers down his legs. “Are you gonna be able to keep quiet?”

“I’d love to record us just once so you could hear how much fucking louder you are than me.”

“Don’t even fucking tempt me, you know I know how to set up a proper shot. Could have a professional looking porno on our hands.” He smiles coyly as he slides the condom onto his length.

“Lucky for you I have zero desire to watch myself get fucked.”

“Too bad, you’re so beautiful when you’re getting pumped silly.” He lips ghost over yours as he slowly slides inside you and you gasp into his mouth. “God, you always take it so well.” He smears his lips along yours and takes your bottom lip between his teeth.

“Want it from behind, need to feel you deeper.”

“I’ll do you one better.”

He pulls out and pulls your body so you’re bent over the bed. You prop yourself up on your elbows and he slides back in. You could really feel yourself stretching to fit him. He was nice and snug, and it just felt so right. He grips the back of your neck with one hand and keeps the other on your hip as he gives you long, deep strokes.

“Oh my fucking god.” You groan and clutch at the comforter.

“Better?”

“So much better, fuck, Harry.”

He starts ramming into you, almost making the bed move on the floor. You had to shove your face into the mattress to stifle your moans. He takes his hand off your hip, still using his other one to grip the back of your neck, and sucks his thumb into his mouth for a moment. Then he takes it to rub on your other hole, something he’s done plenty of times before. You were panting into the blankets, and then you come up for air when you feel his tip brush your g-spot. You press your cheek to the bed so you can breathe and moan out.

“Right there, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, please.”

Harry grunts over and over, biting into his bottom lip, making sure to keep pleasing you. He grits his teeth because he’d be mortified if Andy heard anything. He was thankful that the rooms weren’t right next to each other at least. To make sure you stay quite though he yanks you back to him, still driving in deep, his hand moving to rub your clit, and his other hand moving to open your mouth. You take the signal, and start sucking on two of his fingers. You end up biting down on him when you feel your release come, and he bites into your shoulder to keep himself from screaming. He plants kisses over your shoulders as you both calm down. You release his fingers and he pulls out slowly. You turn around to face him and you kiss him.

“I love you.” Kiss. “I love you so much.” Another kiss. “Never gonna let you go.” You throw your arms around his neck and his eyes widen. No one ever said that to him before.

“I love you too, baby.” He holds you close to him for a few moments, and then eventually you both get cleaned up. He couldn’t stand there with a filled condom forever, after all.

Six months, six entire months. Harry hadn’t had a relationship that lasted this long in a long time, which was pretty sad considering he was almost thirty-three. He holds you a little closer tonight.

//

A couple of weeks went by, and you had gotten into a routine of staying over Harry’s place a couple of nights a week, and when Andy stayed at Paige’s, he’d come to your place, just to keep things equal. Hanukkah was just around the corner, and you had plans to go see your family, but Harry would be in London by then, which was no problem, so you both decide it’ll be fun to exchange gifts on a snowy Sunday.

“I’m so glad finals week is this week.” You say as you peel the potatoes for the latkes.

“Same here.” He says as he gets his food processor out. “But…the closer the semester is to ending, the closer I get to leaving…”

“You don’t sound very excited.” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, I am…I’ll just miss you.”

“Aw, I’ll miss you too.” You give him a peck on the cheek. “Maybe we can FaceTime and you can introduce me to your family.” You smile.

“I’d like that.”

“Y/N…?” Andy says, coming up to you both with something behind his back. “I was hanging up mine and Dad’s stockings, and…well, I made one for you.” He shows it to you and you gasp.

It was a blue stocking with silver glitter, and your name was written on it in glitter as well.

“Oh, Andy…this is so sweet.” You lean down to give him a hug. “Thank you so much, I’d be honored if you hung it with the others.”

“Okay!” He exclaims before going back into the living room.

“Did you know he was making me one?”

“I did.” Harry nods with a smile. “Had me take him to the craft store the other day after school.”

You pout and look back over towards the living room, then back to Harry.

“You’re raising a very good boy.”

Harry smiles and gets the food processor going to shred the potatoes and onions. You use a cheese cloth to get all of the water out, and then you mix the rest of the ingredients in, and Harry gets some oil going in the pan.

“Andy! Wanna help me form the pancakes?” You holler for him and he comes into the kitchen very excited.

“Yeah!” He washes his hands and helps you make the pancakes while Harry minds them in the pan.

It was a lot of fun for the three of you to cook together. Harry also baked sugar cookies. It wasn’t the healthiest meal, but that’s what the holidays were all about.

“That was so good, I’m stuffed.” Andy says. “I like it with the applesauce the best. I’ve noticed a lot of Jewish food is either fried or sweet.”

“Pretty much.” You laugh. “Are you excited to go to London soon?”

“Yeah! I love getting to see everyone. Grammy always gets me the best stuff.”

“Andy…we don’t go see Grammy because she buys you things.”

“I know that.” Andy mumbles. “But it does make it more fun.”

“What else do you like about going?” You ask.

“I get to see my cousins and my Auntie Gem.” He says as he starts to help clean up the plates.

“Alright, are we ready to decorate the tree?” Harry asks.

“Yeah!” Andy says and goes into the living room.

“Do you feel comfortable with that, Y/N?”

“Of course! Sounds like fun.” You smile.

Andy shows you his favorite ornaments, and explains why. He and Harry used to collect them, it was something just for them when he’d come to visit. You giggle when Harry lifts Andy up to put the star on top. You’re also extremely impressed because it couldn’t be easy to lift up an eleven-year-old.

“Since I won’t see you both for Christmas, I thought it could be fun to do this now.” You say as you grab your gifts for Andy. You and Harry already talked about doing this, but he pretends to be just as surprised. You all sit on the floor and you slide Andy his gifts.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Y/N.”

“Oh, sure I did. How else would I score brownie points with your dad?” You wink at him and it makes him laugh.

He opens up one box that has a couple of t-shirts in it. One of them has LIFE IS UNFAIR on it with a picture of a roller skate under it. His eyes widen and he beams at you. The other one has CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION? on it, and he smiles just as big.

“I know how much you like that show…so-“

“I love them!” He nearly tackles you with a hug, and you wrap your arms around him. “Thank you!”

“You’re more than welcome.”

“Where did you even find these?” Harry asks.

“I had them made on Etsy.” You shrug. “Here open this one.”

Andy rips the wrapping paper off, and gasps.

“Finally, I’ve been begging Dad for this game.” It was What Do You Meme. “Thanks, Y/N, I’ll be able to play this with my cousins.”

“You’re welcome.” You smile.

“I have something for you too, let me go get it!” He gets up and races to his room. Andy comes back with a small box that he clearly wrapped for himself. “Happy Hanukkah, Y/N.” He smiles and hands it to you.

“Thank you, Andy.” You tare the wrapping paper open, and then open the box. “Oh, wow.”

Andy had made a popsicle stick jewelry box, but he had spray painted it matte black and put some felt on the bottom of it. It was gorgeous, and you couldn’t wait to use it.

“Andy…this is amazing, thank you so much. I can’t wait to put all my rings and stuff in this.”

“Really? You’ll use it?”

“Of course I will! It’s just what I’ve been needing.”

“Cool.” He smiles and looks at Harry. “Well…I, uh, have some homework I need to go do, so…I’ll just be doing that.”

“Did you help him at all with this?” You ask as you move to sit on the couch with Harry.

“Nope, well, I set him up in the garage, but he did it all himself.”

“He’s very talented.” You look the box over. “Can’t even see where he used the hot glue.”

“I…could I give you my gift now? I don’t wanna wait until after New Year’s…”

“Sure! I have yours with me too!” You get up quickly and rummage through your bag for his gift and he grabs your from under the tree.

“Are you…upset at all that I won’t be here for the New Year?”

“Harry, I know it’s not ideal to be apart for it, but next year I’m sure we’ll be together to kiss when the ball drops.”

His cheeks heat up, and he leans in to kiss you.

“That sounds nice.” He nods. “I just felt bad…it was too soon to ask you to come with me, and-“

“Honestly…I probably wouldn’t have gone even if you did ask. And it’s not because I wouldn’t have wanted to, I just really need this time to get some work done.”

“Okay.” He gives your hand a squeeze. “I just wanted to make sure.”

“Thanks.” You smile. “Okay, open.” You plop your gift into his lap and he opens it with a smirk.

“Sunglasses?”

“I saw you looking at them at the Ray-Bans store…do you like them?”

“I love them! They’re great, how do they look?” He puts them on and makes a Zoolander face, making you burst out laughing.

“They’re perfect.”

“Thank you.” He takes them off and puts them into the case, and then kisses your cheek. “Here…I wasn’t sure what to get you…so I hope you like it.”

You side eye him for a moment, and then open up his gift. After clearing the wrapping paper you see it’s a flat, black velvet box.

“Harry…if you spent-“

“I know these sunglasses weren’t cheap, so I don’t wanna hear it, just open it, please.” You slowly open the box and your eyes widen. It was a beautiful necklace. The chain was silver, and the slide was a palm tree that had diamonds all over it. “You talk about how much you love the beach…so I thought you’d like the palm tree, but if you don’t we could go to the store and pick out a different one.” He watches you to try to read you a little, but you were speechless.

“I don’t want to return it…I…I love it Harry.” You look at it. “Would you put it on for me?”

“Yeah!”

You turn around and move your hair while he clasps the chain for you. You turn back around to show him. Usually it was him who looked like a wide eyed puppy, but this time it was you. No one had ever gotten you something like this before.

“It looks wonderful on you.” He tucks some hair behind your ear.

Normally you wouldn’t be so aggressive out in the living room with Andy home, but he did say he’d be in his room doing homework. You practically lunge towards Harry, wrapping your arms around his neck and crashing your lips on his. His hands cup your jaw as he sucks on your bottom lip.

“I’m so glad you like it.” He breathes as he presses his forehead to yours.

“M’never taking it off, and whenever someone asks where I got it I can say my amazing boyfriend got it for me, and I don’t care how cheesy that sounds.” You smile and kiss him again.

“It’s not cheesy at all, praise me all you want.”

“Don’t be silly.” You nudge him with a giggle. “Thank you, seriously, this was so sweet of you.”

“Sorry you won’t be able to use the jewelry box for it.”

“Oh, that’s fine. I have plenty of other things I can put in there.”

“Are you two done being gross?!” Andy shouts from down the hall.

“Yes!” Harry shouts back and starts cleaning up all the wrapping paper.

“Good.” Andy says, plopping down on the couch next to you. “So you like it?”

“Very much, your dad’s got quite the eye.”

Harry comes over with a mug of hot chocolate for everyone. He had been making it in the crock pot all day.

“So…” Andy takes a sip of his warm drink as Harry sits on his other side. “You know how last year I just stayed with Mum while you were still in London?”

“Yes.”

“It was sort of…annoying because I had to get up even earlier for school, and Mum is extra busy because of Gram, and I’d feel bad making her drive me for two weeks.”

“What exactly are you asking me? You can’t take two weeks off from school to stay in London, Andy…as much as I’d like you there.”

“No, I know that. Um…” He looks up at you for a moment and then back to Harry. “What if I stayed here with Y/N?”

“Andy…” Harry looks at you awkwardly. This should really be a private conversation, and Paige should really be involved. “Um, listen, your mum really enjoys having the extra time with you.”

“I know, but two whole weeks of all that back and forth?”

“If she’s fine with it, you could do like two long weekends with your mum, and I could stay here the rest of the time. It would sort of be like I was house sitting, Har.” You chime in.

“You’d do that?” Harry asks, almost shocked.

“Yeah.” You shrug. “If…Paige says it’s okay.”

“I’ll call her tomorrow to see how she feels about it. A couple of long weekends could be a good compromise.” He sips his own drink. “You’d really be okay with pick up and drop off?”

“It’s not like it would be out of the way, the school’s down the road.”

“I hope Mum says yes, I hated getting up early last time, and she doesn’t wake me up like you do.” Andy says to Harry.

“How does Dad wake you up?” You were very intrigued.

“I just go into his room and nudge him awake. Most mornings I have to rip the blanket away.” Harry chuckles. “How does Mum do it?”

“She yells down the hall that’s it time to get up and if I don’t she comes in and tickles me.”

“Hm, maybe I should try that.” Harry ponders.

“No!”

You and Harry laugh at Andy. You couldn’t believe he felt so comfortable with you that he wanted to be able to just stay at the house with you while Harry was gone. It meant a lot to you. You knew Harry couldn’t cut his trip short. The journal that publishes his works is in London, and he had a big meeting about his latest manuscript scheduled.

“So…you’d really stay here with Andy while I’m gone?” Harry asks you as you both get ready for bed.

“Yeah, as long as you feel comfortable with it.”

“I do.” He nods. “It means a lot to me that you’re always so willing to jump in and help.”

“Harry…” You slide into bed next to him. “You know...I care a lot about Andy. I love you, and he’s your son, and well…I love him too, simple as that.”

“This was the perfect day.” He beams at you.

“Yeah, it was.”

//

“He…he wants to do what?!” Paige was frantically running around her home while on the phone with Harry.

“I couldn’t believe it when he brought it up, but it does make sense…” Harry was putting some fresh polish on his nails while in his office. “He’d still be with you for a good chunk of time.”

“True…and it would save me from having to make all those extra trips.” She bites at one of her nails.

“Paige, please, that’s a nasty habit.” Her mother grimaces as she makes herself a cup of coffee.

“So…things are going well with your mother.” Harry says facetiously.

“Oh yeah, it’s all peaches and cream over here.” She rolls her eyes and goes down the hall to the office for some privacy. “Okay, so he’ll do two Friday to Mondays with me, and then spend the rest of the time with Y/N?”

“That’s the plan he’s hoping for, I believe. Are you okay with that?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah, I trust her with him. She’s been spending the night more with us, everyone seems comfortable.”

“Okay, well, if you trust her then so do I. Oh! She and I could finally have a little lunch date or something. You’ll need to give me her number so I can coordinate pick up and drop off.”

“I will, and yeah I think it’ll be the perfect excuse to get to know each other better.”

“Perfect, so I’m still set to get him at the airport on the first, yeah?”

“Yup, all that’s staying the same.” He pauses for a moment. “Are you doing okay? Is there anything you need?”

“I’m…better. Noah’s been a great distraction for my mom when I need a break. Allie and her hubby will be here for Christmas like always so that’ll be good, and she’s just about sold my mom’s condo, the paperwork’s almost done.”

“That’s great.”

“Thank you for asking though, I appreciate it.”

“No problem, just wanted to make sure.”

//

Harry and Andy were taking the Concord Coach bus to the airport, but you offered to drive them down to Logan since you’d be staying at your brother’s for the week. Andy thought you were a cool driver, way better than his dad and he let you know it right away. You drive them to the gate and get out to say goodbye.

“Safe travels.” You smile and give Andy a hug.

“Thanks again for driving us.” Harry says.

“Of course, I was headed here anyways.”

“Right.”

“Jesus, just kiss already, I’ll turn around.” Andy rolls his eyes and fiddles with his new friendship bracelet, making sure it was intact. Yes, Brandon and Andy made friendship bracelets for each other for Christmas, and Andy got the butterflies.

Harry glares at him for a moment, but you bring his attention to yourself.

“I love you, have fun.” You say to him as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“I love you too, I’ll let you know when we get there.” He puts his hands on your hips and kisses you. You didn’t want him to let you go, but you knew he had to.

“Dad, the police are gonna yell at us, come on!”

“Okay!” Harry whips his head to look at Andy. “He and Paige both have your number, so that should be all set. If you need anything from me, don’t hesitate to call, I don’t care what time it is.”

“It’ll all be fine, Harry.” You smile and lean up to kiss him again. “Go on.”

He nods and takes Andy’s hand to go into the airport. You get back in your car and drive off. You’d miss Harry like crazy, but you were excited to spend some time with your family and spend New Year’s with your friends like always. Consistency put you at ease. You were also looking forward to getting some work done without any major distractions. When you get to your brother’s place, the wine comes out immediately.

“Okay, so this is like…the are you a good mom test.” Julian says. “I mean, you’ll be alone with his kid for two weeks.”

“It’s not a full two weeks…and I’ve been home alone with Andy before.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna be responsible for keeping him alive for longer than just a few hours.” Phil says. “Man, look at that necklace, it’s so beautiful.”

“Thanks.” You blush. “It was so sweet of him. Taking care of Andy is gonna be a piece of cake, he’s like my little buddy now. I’m more nervous for the one on one I’m going to have his mother.” You grimace. “We’re gonna have brunch or something.”

“She just wants to get to know you better, Y/N. Is that so bad?” Phil asks.

“No! It’s not bad at all, and I know I’m lucky that Harry’s ex isn’t some crazy bitch, she’s really nice, it’s just awkward. I’m fucking the guy she used to fuck…I’m in love with the guy that used to be in love with her.” You take a sip of your drink. “I know why she wants to meet…things are serious between Harry and I, and she probably just wants to make sure a psycho isn’t around her son.” You laugh.

“Speaking of seriousness with Harry…” Julian says. “You’ve been together, like, six months now right?”

“Mhm.” You smile and bite your bottom lip. “It’s going really well.”

“Have you two talked about where you see it going, though?” Phil asks. “I know it’s an awkward conversation to have, but I certainly would like to know what his intentions with you are.”

“I see it lasting, and I think he does too…”

“But have you talked about?” Julian asks.

“No, it’s sort of too soon, don’t you think?”

“No.” They say at the same time.

“Not when he’s almost thirty-three and you’re twenty-seven, Y/N. You’re not exactly kids.” Phil says. “I don’t want him wasting your time.”

“He’s not! We just haven’t talked about all that, I’m sure we will. We exchanged keys, that was a big deal. I’m sure we’ll have the conversation soon, maybe when he gets back.” You shrug. “The department’s getting together to take him out for his birthday, I made reservations at our favorite Thai place and everything.”

“That’ll be fun.” Phil says. “Do that, and then ask what the fuck is up.”

“Maybe not in those words exactly.” Julian chuckles. “But…you should know where you two stand.”

“I bet you we’ll talk about it once he gets a full report from Andy.” You smirk. “He’s bound to rave about me, or at least I hope he will. Harry hasn’t had a relationship in a long time, especially not one where his son has liked his girlfriend so much. I’ve also told him I don’t plan to go anywhere after I get my PhD…so we’ve had little snippets. You two worry about me too much. If I thought Harry was some fuck boy I wouldn’t be with him.”

“We’re just looking out for you, that’s all.” Phil says in defense. “We like Harry a lot, he was great to hang out with. I think you’ve found someone great, and I’m not trying to rush you into something, but I can’t help but worry about you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” You smile at them.

Later that night as you get into bed, you think over what your brother and Julian said. You did need to have a conversation with Harry. You loved him so much, but you needed to make sure you both wanted the same things.

Harry: landed, exhausted, but we’re here. You’re either in bed or out having drinks, but either way, I love you and sweet dreams

Your eyes light up when you see the message from your man.

You: had drinks, and now I’m in bed lol glad you got there safely, get some sleep baby, I love you too

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

here’s 7.1k of Toni pining and Shelby and Toni being childhood friends and also far more character analysis of Rachel than I was expecting? also Marcus is real and I made him a gorgeous himbo. it’s based off that poem by @theycallmedizzy and you can find it here. lmk if you want a second chapter from shelby’s perspective, tho i literally just finished this one. like literally ten minute ago.

Mr. Williams finishes reading the poem and looks over his spectacles at the class. Yes, they’re spectacles, those kind of tiny thick ones that make his eyes too big because he’s much too old to be teaching.

It’s eight am on a Tuesday, Toni walked the three miles to school because she missed the bus only to walk into her shitty honors English class and hear the teacher reading a poem aloud to the class. Her poem. She’d sat down after a momentary pause and listened to him read the final damning stanza.

And then he looks at Toni.

He reads her essays right? What if he recognizes her writing voice? Is that a thing? Or maybe her handwriting or—

“Toni, I was just explaining to the class that whoever wrote this should submit it to the state literature festival,” Mr. Williams says, Toni almost sags against her chair. “I was hoping someone would come forward,” He turns back to the class, eyes hovering over Quinn and Monty, two of the more sensitive guys who sit in the back and ruin the curve for everyone. “But I’ll leave it on the board here,” he clacks it on with a magnet and Toni flinches, “and hopefully someone will come forward. Now onto today’s lesson.”

After class Martha goes up to the board and takes a picture of it, her eyes a little starry at the words and Toni grits her teeth.

“You have to admit it’s pretty,” Martha says. “Even you can’t deny that.”

“It’s dumb,” Toni says flatly, crossing her arms.

“Well I’m keeping it anyway, maybe someday someone will write a poem about me,” Martha says.

“How do you know it’s not about you?” Shelby asks coming out of nowhere and uninvited too. Toni glares at her, letting her open disdain shine through like sunshine through clouds after a gully washer.

“No guys notice me,” Martha informs Shelby sadly. “I bet Andrew wrote it for you.”

Shelby purses her lips and looks over the poem, “I doubt it. He’s more of a doer, I think. Besides, I’m sure that guys notice you, you went on a date with that boy Sam last month.”

Martha sighs and before she can launch into what a disaster that date was, Toni tightens her hands around her backpack.

“I’ll see you in science,” She tells Martha and manages to escape Shelby’s eyes burning at the back of her neck.

———

reasons not to kiss her

1.) this sort of love is not allowed. you are both too soft, and the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth

Toni had played about every sport she was allowed to growing up. Basketball was her favorite, but she loved beat it ball, the game she made up with the other kids in the neighborhood. It was basketball but without rules, devolving into fist fights within the first half. Nothing tasted better than her own bloody lip on a hot summer day. Not even the cool glass of lemonade Mrs. Blackburn always had ready when she ran all skinned knees to Martha’s telling her about how she beat guys two years older than her.

She got angry when she had to stop playing, moving to a different neighborhood. Apparently, Mrs. Blackburn had figured out that she wasn’t only getting her split lip from the older kids in the neighborhood.

The new foster parents were a little stricter, a little richer, and signed her up for youth soccer when she complained about how there was nothing to do without beat it ball.

Martha Blackburn would always be her person, but Toni didn’t expect to find her people so young. Dottie killed as goalie, and Becca’s sweetness made her defense all the better. But it was Shelby and Toni who were the dynamic duo. Toni had a never ending amount of energy as a midfielder and Shelby’s precision made her the perfect striker. It worked the same way every game, Becca would kick it to Toni, who got it to Shelby, who scored a goal. It got to the point that Becca didn’t even need to do much and the coach had to pull Toni aside to tell her to pass to the other girls too.

At the end of the season they sat together at the team party, wearing orange slice smiles. With sticky fingers they held hands and Toni kinda wondered how someone’s eyes could be so green.

Toni doesn’t remember why Shelby’s parents were so angry about them holding hands, but she knows Mr. Goodkind talked to her foster parents and Toni was off to a different home, in a different district, and she lost even Martha for a few months.

———

At lunch everyone’s talking about that fucking poem. Martha sent it around to the whole school and Leah is discussing its merits with Rachel and Nora. Even they don’t seem bored with the topic, though Nora is sure Quinn didn’t write it.

“It could be Monty,” Leah says. “I wouldn’t have thought he had an eye for this stuff.”

“I don’t think it’s Monty,” Rachel says. She looks at Nora, “C’mon, you know what I’m talking about, right?”

“What?” Nora asks.

“I mean it smells like Anna Akhmatova had a baby with Adrienne Rich,” Rachel says.

“Who had a baby with who?” Martha asks.

“Please,” Fatin says. “You’re not exactly the world’s leading expert on free form poetry.”

“Uh, I know when something’s written by a girl,” Rachel says. “I bet you fifty bucks some closet case wrote this.”

Everyone looks at Toni. “You caught me,” Toni deadpans.

“Rachel’s right,” Nora says. “A girl definitely wrote this. Toni, do you know anyone?”

Toni glares at her. “I’ll shake the lesbian phone tree and see what comes out.”

“Well, could it be Regan?” Martha asks. “Maybe she wants to—”

“It’s not fucking Regan,” Toni grabs her books and stalks out, kicking a chair randomly strewn around away as she did.

She hears Shelby sit down just as she leaves, “What’s got her madder than a baptized cat?” Shelby asks and Toni rolls her eyes.

———

2.) no one ever taught you how to love. your war paint and scarred hands could never hold her like she deserves

The worst of it was that Shelby was gentle. Her hands were warm and soft around Toni’s callouses, and there was a crinkle between her eyebrows as she focused on Toni’s hands. No, the worst of it was that Shelby didn’t let go of Toni’s hands when she finished, kept holding onto them as she met Toni’s eyes.

“Well?”

Toni swallowed hard, “I’m not gonna apologize.”

Shelby sighed, her thumb traced little circles around Toni’s hands. “I know today ain’t easy for you.” Toni scoffed and looked away. “But you know you were pickin' a fight. Andrew promised to leave you alone.”

Toni ripped her hands away and jumped from the bench of the locker room. “What the fuck do you know? You weren’t fucking there.”

Shelby’s calm only made Toni’s anger redder, “You ain’t denying it.”

“Why the fuck are you dating him? He’s a self-satisfied little asshole who just wants a little trophy girlfriend to—”

“Toni,” Shelby cut her off sharply and got to her feet, meeting Toni’s eyes.

“You’re not denying that either,” Toni spat.

She could’ve screamed at the hypocrisy. She wanted to scream. She wanted to pound her fists against the walls and bleed all over the bandages Shelby wrapped around her knuckles. She wanted to hurt, to make Shelby hurt. She wanted everyone to see and feel how hurt she was, and hurt them with that hurt. Finally level the playing field.

“Andrew is my business,” Shelby said. “Not yours.”

“He becomes my business when you—”

“When I what?” Shelby asked.

Toni looked at her hands, “Never mind.”

Shelby sighed, “Martha’s helping you move in today, right? Shel’ll be there the whole time?”

“Don’t pretend you give a shit.”

“Of course I care. The last time you lived with your mom you didn’t eat for a week.”

“I was five, not fifteen,” Toni said. “And seriously, stop pretending you give a shit.”

She shoulder checked Shelby as she walked out and winced at the sound of Shelby hitting the gym lockers. Her hands still sting where Andrew’s teeth had scrapped them.

———

Regan approaches Toni during science, her eyes serious. Martha straightens, and Toni does her best not to make eye contact.

“It’s not mine,” Regan says.

“Yeah duh,” Toni mutters.

Regan frowns, “I just—I didn’t want you to—”

“You made it perfectly clear what you want,” Toni says.

Regan sighs and leaves and Toni regrets it.

“Shelby thinks it’s Marcus,” Martha tells her. Toni blinks up at her and Martha nods. “She thinks he wrote it for me.”

“Martha, that kid is dumber than a box of rocks,” Toni says.

Martha furrows her brow, “Maybe he has hidden depths.”

“If you think it’s him ask him out,” Toni says.

“Shelby thinks it’s him,” Martha is quick to correct. “But he doesn’t even know who I am.”

Toni rolls her eyes. Marcus had been in love with Martha since the ninth grade. They had gotten placed as lab partners and he literally didn’t take his eyes off her the entire time. Every time there was a dance he would always look like he was about to say something, shoot his shot, when Martha would loudly proclaim she couldn’t wait to go with her friends.

Toni would’ve pulled the guy aside and told him to grow a pair, but a guy who’s not brave enough to go after what he wants wasn’t good enough for her Marty, not by a long shot.

“Rachel still thinks a girl wrote it,” Martha says.

“Maybe Rachel wrote it,” Toni mutters.

Martha’s eyes light up.

———

3.) no one has ever loved you this full surely you would drown in it all

Being a lifeguard was the worst. It was super boring, the pay was shit, and also Toni would probably get someone killed. Like, they pretended she was CPR certified but she absolutely had no idea how to do it. She went to some hour long course, slept through it, took a test that was just: should you kill people? And then they wrote some bullshit on some papers about a three week long set of classes.

But Shelby was tanned and golden looking and on their shifts they’d text back and forth about which kids they were betting on to win sharks and minnows. Tweenage boys in all their adolescent infancy would gaze open mouthed at Shelby and Toni alike but Shelby was the only one who let them down gently. Toni would ruin them for girls forever with something enough to cut through even the thickest skin.

On the fourth of July the pool paid for fireworks and Toni found a blanket and Shelby found her and they sat watching the reflections of the lights together. Shelby rested her head on Toni’s shoulder, all gentle, like she was afraid Toni would spook.

“I know this ain’t much of a holiday for you,” Shelby said. “But thank you for spending it with me.”

She had her hand on the blanket, splayed out like she was waiting for Toni to take it, there in front of everyone. Toni imagined a world in which she did.

———

“Yeah it’s not me,” Rachel says. “I wish I could write that good.”

Which is such bullshit because Toni knows Rachel could say well if she wanted to. Rachel’s weird inferiority complex about Nora pisses off Toni to no end. Nora’s the smart one, Rachel will be the first to say, and Rachel’s the athletic one. But Nora has a six minute mile and Rachel has perfect pitch so Toni hates them both.

“Maybe it’s Dot,” Toni suggests and Rachel, Nora, and Martha snicker.

Out of all of them, Martha’s the best driver, but they always end up in Rachel’s car after school anyway.

“Most of the school seems to think it’s by Andrew,” Nora says. Toni’s fists clench.

“Yeah,” Rachel rolls her eyes, “I’m sure he would love to take the credit. C’mon Toni, you don’t know any lesbians who could’ve written this?”

“You’re a lesbian too,” Toni says. “You don’t know any?”

“I don’t have a life outside of the pool,” Rachel says, “and none of them have picked up a book since Hop on Pop.”

“Regan says it wasn’t her,” Martha cuts in helpfully. “But maybe it’s another kid in theatre. Shelby says—”

“Oh my god,” Toni grits out. “What is everyone’s deal with her anyway? Why is everyone still obsessed with her? She’s just another basic Jesus bitch.”

The car goes quiet and Toni wishes she could melt into her seat cushion.

“I didn’t mean that,” Toni says.

“Except you did,” Martha snaps.

Toni winces.

“What’s your deal with her?” Rachel asks. “You guys were fine last year.”

“Quinn says there’s a poetry club,” Nora says. “Maybe it’s someone there?”

No one takes the bait and they don’t talk the rest of the way.

———

4.) she belongs in a museum, and you are merely here to gaze. look around you, all the signs scream ‘do not touch’

“Shelby?”

Toni grabbed the shoulder of the girl and pulled her away from Marcus. Shelby was bruised lips and ruined make up and Toni took her by the hand. Thank god Martha wasn’t here, thank god Andrew wasn’t here, thank god Marcus looked just as trashed.

“Toni?” Shelby sorta stumbled, her ankle twisting painfully on her heel and Toni steadied her.

Shelby could do a cartwheel in six inch heels.

“I’m gonna get you home, okay?” Toni called over the music.

Shelby didn’t really respond, just leant into Toni as she led her away and outside. The party had spilled into the backyard and front yard some, the cops probably already on their way, but everyone was too fucking hammered to notice them making their way out.

Shelby’s house was only about a twenty minute walk but it was cold and Toni was only wearing her basketball shorts and her mom’s jacket that she promptly put over Shelby’s shoulders.

“Are you still—” Shelby swallowed hard, “You’re still living with your mom?”

“Mostly with Martha,” Toni said.

“Martha’s great,” Shelby said. “She’s so pretty it makes my eyes hurt.”

“One of our finest,” Toni grunted as Shelby nearly fell on her heels again.

“She could be a model,” Shelby told her. “We should get waffle house.”

“Shelbs, we’re nowhere near a waffle house.”

“What was Becca’s order? At waffle house?”

Toni sighed, looping an arm around her. “I dunno.”

“Neither do I,” Shelby said.

“I’m sorry, Shelby,” Toni said.

Shelby shook her head and stopped right there, circling her arms around Toni and pressing her into a hug. Toni closed her eyes, holding her back as tightly as she dared.

“Oh, Shelby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

———

“Day two!” Mr. Williams calls. He taps the poem again, “I will investigate the handwriting if the poet doesn’t come forward by Friday. I know it’s someone in one of my classes.”

His eyes narrow as he takes them all in and his eyes don’t linger on Toni. Not even for a moment.

There’s a part of her that wants to march up to the front of the room and write her name down, make eye contact with everyone who never even considered her before. But no one expects shit from her, and even if he does go over the handwriting he won’t really be able to pin it on her. He might not even bother checking to see if it matches.

Toni tries not to jump when Marcus takes the seat in front of her during quant lit. It’s not like they have assigned seating but everyone sticks to the same seats anyway. Marcus won’t get shit for it though, perks of being the quarterback.

“So, listen,” he scratches the back of his head and Toni rolls her eyes at him. “I know we aren’t really friends but I—um.”

“Marcus,” Toni says.

“I wanna ask Martha out,” Marcus rushes out. “She’s like the nicest, smartest, coolest girl in the school and like her eyes are out of this world radical.” Radical? “And I would take her somewhere nice like Olive Garden. Or Cheesecake Factory? And pay for it, and open all the doors for her, and I’d carry her books to class—”

“On your date? This is happening during school?” Toni asks.

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to connect the dots. Football players.

“Oh no! I meant like, after, if she wants me to,” He says. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Can I ask her out?”

Toni blinks at him. “What?”

“My buddy said if you want to get with a girl you get close to the best friend first, and I figured I’d ask you for your blessing because that’s what they do in old fashioned stuff right?” He bounces up in down in his seat. “Can I? Or like, do you wanna give me your blessing?”

She feels like she’s having an aneurysm.

Listen, Marcus having feelings for Martha is one thing. Everyone on the planet who’s ever met Martha falls a little in love with her. That’s kinda just how she operates. Toni narrowly avoided that pitfall by being lucky enough to know her since she was five, but it was a tough time. But Marcus was never gonna act on it. Marcus can’t—he’s the quarterback.

It’s basic math, Marcus is a six foot five football player with shoulders wide enough to bench press the Subaru Forrester Toni’s legally required to buy when she turns thirty-two. He’s got that all American boy smile that shows of perfectly white teeth, and dark hair that sweeps in front of his eyes. His face looks like it was sculpted out of marble, like literally he looks like some sort of roman god, except if that roman god volunteered at the humane society on the weekends and called his mom Mami.

Martha is a res girl who’s best friend is the dyke with anger issues. And like yeah, she’s stupid pretty, but Marcus has exclusively dated varsity cheerleaders since the seventh grade.

So yeah, even if Marcus may have feelings for Marty, everyone fucking does, and there’s a host of reasons why she doesn’t have a date to every dance and a new guy every week. And most of them are the cliche high school movie hierarchy sort.

“It’s really none of my business, man,” she says.

“Dude, it’s totally your business,” Marcus says. He leans closer, “you two are like sisters right? What do I gotta do to prove I’m not gonna hurt her? I’ll do your math homework for a month, no two months.”

A thought occurs to Toni and it’s a terrible one. But when has that ever stopped her?

“You’re in my honors English class right?”

Marcus’s face screws in, “Uh, yeah. But I don’t think you want me doing your homework in there, I’m like totally failing.”

“I have a better idea.”

———

5.) she touches you like youre fragile, and if you break you wont be able put yourself together again

Dot was asleep which was Toni’s first indication that something was deeply wrong. The second was that Shelby wasn’t. She was definitely trying her darnedest, but Toni could tell she was awake. Awake in her arms.

Toni shifted, just enough to let Shelby know she was awake too. The movie was some horror flick, something dumb and flashy and almost muted it was so quiet. It was the only thing rated R that they could all agree on. Dot’s house was the only place they were allowed to watch anything rated R when they were still thirteen, so it was all they watched there.

She felt Shelby shift up, so her head rested on Toni’s chest, shifted until her lips met Toni’s clavicle.

Toni wondered if she’d die.

Shelby went up instead of down, pressing kisses up the length of Toni’s neck, soft barely there things that made Toni’s breath catch as she watched Dot snore on the couch next to them.

Toni’s hands moved to the inside of Shelby’s thighs and they stared there, tracing delicate patterns that only made Shelby curl closer.

“I think you’re probably the most beautiful girl I ever saw,” Shelby whispered.

“I—”

“I’m not done.”

Toni’s mouth clamped shut.

“I think about you all the time,” Shelby whispered. “Even when I—”

“Shelby,” Toni warned. Shelby pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“You’re right,” Shelby said.

Neither of them slept that night.

———

Toni walks into class three minutes late with Mr. Williams, and takes her seat with a sulk.

“He still won’t let me redo that paper,” Toni mutters to Martha who’s eyes are wide.

“Toni, Marcus just—” She nods her head at the poem where Mr. Williams is studying it too.

“Marcus Gonzales?” Mr. Williams asks.

Marcus gets to his feet.

“You wrote this?”

“Yessir.”

“This poem right here?”

“Yessir.”

Mr. Williams blinks and takes off his spectacles, setting them down on the desk. “We’ll talk after class. I should hope everyone has a copy of—”

“I wrote it for Martha,” Marcus doesn’t sit down and the entire class stares at him.

“—Franny and Zooey and I would like you all to turn to page 52. Begin by annotating—”

“Martha, can I take you out on a date?” Marcus asks.

“—this first section, and on to page 64. Remember what Seymour serves as in—”

Martha blushes hard and glances at Toni who smiles before she looks back at Marcus in all his golden boy 6’5” glory.

“Um, okay,” she mutters out and he grins.

“Cool.” Marcus finally sits and gives Toni a thumbs up. She rolls her eyes.

“—this story and compare that to his roles in the other parts of the work we’ve read.”

“I told you it was for you, girl,” Shelby says on Martha’s other side. “People always have a way of surprising you.”

———

6.) she is all bubblegum skies and chapped stick kisses, and you cannot watch the love run out of another persons eyes

They were all a little bit slap happy by the end of the night. A little bit drunk, a little bit high, and laughing far too hard at one another.

“I’m scared,” Shelby told them, still grinning wider than any pageant smile.

“Girl, you picked dare,” Fatin said.

“I did,” Shelby bit her lip. “But all y’all dared Leah to do was finish the vodka.”

“That was—that was bad vodka,” Leah slurred from her position on Dot’s lap.

“But now we’re out of vodka,” Martha sang. “You picked dare.”

“I’ll go with you,” Toni got to her feet, surprised when they were more steady than she assumed they’d be. “Two chairs right?”

“Alright,” Shelby said. “And you’ll hold my hand?”

“Sure princess,” Toni rolled her eyes.

It was an office supply place, probably. The parking lot had this killer decline, and it was one of those spring nights where nothing could really ruin anything. Not forever.

The rolling chairs were kinda gross, left there but not yet picked up by the garbage men. They had to do a special pickup for that, which costed extra. No one in the office had done it for the weeks the girls had been going there after parties.

“Be careful,” Nora urged.

“Don’t fall,” Rachel suggested.

“Hold on, I’m not recording yet,” Fatin said. “Okay now go.”

They pushed off in their rolling chairs, holding hands, and sped down the decline laughing as they barely managed to hold on and steer at the same time.

Toni went flying as she bumped into a patch of grass and for some reason, Shelby went flying with her, landing on top. Toni grunted, but she wasn’t in pain, not really.

They met eyes.

“Sorry,” Shelby said. She didn’t sound sorry.

“You okay?” Toni asked.

Shelby smiled, this real soft thing, Toni wondered what it’d taste like.

“Fuck yeah bitches! I’m so putting that on snapchat!” Fatin screamed and Shelby pulled away, turning white.

“God if this is you in in freshman year, I’m terrified of you as a senior,” Toni called back.

Shelby’s hand slipped out of her’s and Toni tried very very hard not to overthink it.

———

“So I’ve been thinking,” Leah said. Toni took her gym bag out of her locker, pretty much the only thing she kept in there.

“Oh no.”

“Rachel was right about that poem being written by a girl,” Leah continued. “Which meant Marcus lied. And Marcus would never do that unless someone gave him permission to take credit. And since Marcus lied so he could ask Martha out that means the person who wrote the poem wanted Martha to be happy.”

Toni swallowed hard and tried not to fumble with the lock, stumbling with it.

“Toni,” Leah walked over to her. “You need to face the facts: Shelby’s into you.”

Toni blinked, “What?”

“She wrote that whole poem for you, don’t tell me you don’t see it. It’s about you!”

“She—” Toni stopped and furrowed her brow, finally making eye contact with Leah, “You think she wrote that poem for me?”

Leah nodded, “And she let Marcus take the credit. Listen, I know I’m right. I’ve been thinking about it for ages. Whatever fight the two of you had—you need to get over it. She’s into you, Toni. She’s been into you.”

“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about,” Toni told her. “Seriously, fuck you Leah and fuck off. This is none of your fucking business.”

“You aren’t denying it,” Leah crowed. “Shelby likes you.”

“No she fucking doesn’t!” Toni spat at her. “She fucking hates me! She didn’t write that poem Marcus did! For Martha!”

Leah’s brow furrowed, “But… but you wanted her to. Didn’t you?”

Toni looked away.

“Shelby’s actually straight, isn’t she?” Leah asked. “Fuck Toni.”

“I’m happy for Martha,” Toni said, and marched away.

———

7.) if you jump, she might catch you, and then youd have to watch as she tumbled through the dark

“What if we ran away?” Shelby asked, which was Toni’s third indication that the punch was spiked.

The first two were her arms wrapped around Toni’s waist, swaying in the soft breeze to the distant music of Junior prom.

“Oh yeah?” Toni asked. “Where’d we go?”

“Peru,” Shelby said. “Or LA, or New York or—” Shelby sort of trailed off, losing her thought halfway through it.

“Our parents,” Toni pointed out. She’d moved in with Martha a few months ago but her mom had taken it as a wakeup call, promising to get her shit back together as soon as she could. Toni couldn’t help but believe her, even if it put her in stasis.

“Right,” Shelby sounded cold, “Our parents.”

“Are things worse with them?” Toni asked.

“No,” Shelby said. “The same, really. They’ve lightened up since—since Becca. Have you heard from your mom?”

“Every week or so,” Toni said. “And if you ever need a break you know—“

“Martha is happy to have me,” Shelby finished.

Toni smiled and pulled away enough to meet Shelby’s eyes, her hands slid from behind Shelby’s neck to either side.

“Did I tell you you look beautiful tonight?” Toni asked.

“You did,” Shelby said.

“Can I say it again?”

“You can.”

“You look beautiful tonight.” Shelby closed her eyes and Toni tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You’re gonna get out, you know that right?”

Shelby nodded, leaning into Toni’s hand.

Later, Toni will learn that was one of two lies Shelby told that night.

———

Martha gets home at 11:30, exactly when Marcus promised, and Toni smiles as her sister collapses backwards into her bed.

“Toni,” she actually giggles, giggles like a little school girl. “It was amazing.”

“Where’d you go?” Toni asks.

“Olive Garden, I think he was trying to win points with you,” Martha says.

“As he should,” Toni nods.

“He was the perfect gentleman,” Martha swoons. She rolls onto her stomach and looks at Toni and oh god, Toni knows that look. “He did tell me something about you, though.”

“Oh yeah? How I’m better in quant lit than him?” Toni asks.

“He told me you wrote the poem,” she says.

Toni looks away, “Okay, and?”

“You told me you were over Regan,” Martha says.

“It’s complicated,” Toni decides. “And whatever. I wrote it awhile ago anyway.”

“Have you thought about submitting it to that contest Mr. Williams was talking about?” Martha asks.

“Can we go back to talking about your date with Prince Charming?” Toni says. Martha acquiesces, she’s too damn giddy to do anything else.

———

8.) her gaze is too gentle. you will not be the one to tell her that not everything can be fixed with a smile

“Toni,” Dot began, and Toni could tell she was looking at her. “Toni, is Shelby—is she gay?”

Toni snickered, “Dot, Shelby is possibly the biggest straight girl in our school. Maybe our state. She’d sooner give herself a buzzcut than she would ever even kiss a girl."

“Andrew said Shelby got a job as a counselor at this church camp—Guiding Light—in Plano,” Dot said. “I wanted to find the address so I could write to her and it’s a conversion camp.”

The breath left Toni’s body.

“What?”

“And I got to thinking,” Dot said. “About what a mess she was after Becca died this year. Ignoring us, going to all those parties, signing up for a crazy number of pageants. Hell, it was only once you two started talking that she talked to us again.”

“Stop it, Dot.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

“Dot,” Toni said.

“Because if she’s gay, if she’s not there as a camp counselor—Toni, did you know about this?”

“Of course not! Jesus!” Toni said. She jumped to her feet and started to pace, “Jesus Christ. Oh my god.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

Toni looked at Dot and Dot sighed, her entire body sagging.

“What do we do?” Toni asked.

Dot, her solid, steady, friend since fucking youth soccer was silent.

“Dot, what do we do?”

“Dot, what the fuck do we do?”

———

Shelby finds her before school, Toni smoking like she hasn’t since ninth grade when Bernice gave her a stern lecture about lung cancer. It made Toni cry, actually. Not because it was so stern but because Martha and Toni had been separated for three years and Bernice still cared enough to get angry with her. She promised then and there to stop, and each drag she took now makes her feel like she’s committing treason.

“Smokin’ kills,” Shelby tells her, like they didn’t all go to Dot’s dad’s funeral last year.

Toni takes another drag, just to watch Shelby roll her eyes.

“How’d Martha’s date go last night?” Shelby asks.

Toni glares, “Seriously? You avoid me all year and now you’re asking about Martha’s date?” Shelby looks away. “It went fine. Whatever.”

“I just—I was surprised Marcus wrote that poem is all.”

“You literally said multiple times you thought it was him,” Toni says.

“I know, I know but—”

“Still holding out hope for Andrew?” Toni sneers. “Marcus may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he cares about Martha. Even a fucking idiot could write a half decent poem if they had someone worth writing about.”

Shelby meets her eyes and Toni’s breath catches.

“Know a lot about poetry, Toni?”

Fuck fuck fuck.

Toni flicks the only half used cigarette away. “I have to go to class,” She says, aware it’s just about the worst thing she can do.

Shelby doesn’t even need the last word, she’s aware she’s already won.  

———

9.) she is so good. she is so good, and you cannot ruin one more good thing

It hadn’t been the first time Toni found her mom overdosed on the couch, but it’d been the most terrifying. Toni had waited in the school parking lot for a pick up for twenty minutes before Shelby had offered her a ride.

When they trooped inside, after having to use the key Tamera kept tucked away in a loose brick, her mom had been passed out on the couch. And the stupid thing had been that Toni had known her mom hadn’t been doing great. Like she’d known Tamera had lost her job, and was close to losing the car, that the pain in her back had been getting worse again from stress. Toni had known that.

But for some stupid, naive reason, Toni had never thought she’d pull this, go back to who she was.

Her tolerance was low, the doctors had told her, because she’d been clean for so long. She hadn’t realized it and had taken more than she could handle.

Shelby had taken the three of them to the hospital, helped carry Toni’s drooling mother into the ER, and held Toni’s hand until the other girls showed up, who she texted to come.

Shelby had been there when the police and social services came to talk to her about going back into foster care. Shelby had never left her side.

Toni couldn’t help but contrast that to the Shelby she saw now. The Shelby who showed up for senior year was barely christian, barely anything, just sort of blank and empty and waiting to grow up so she could have daughters that'd also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also

Shelby didn’t even look at her, for the first week of senior year she didn’t even look at Toni. She talked with Martha in that faux friendly way, she passed off on lunch invitations to do school work and Toni felt like she was going insane.

Sometimes she would just stare at the back of Shelby’s head in English class, writing whatever gibberish came to mind, and not listening to Mr. Williams at all. Just stare, for forty-five minutes, at a girl who wouldn’t even make eye contact, Toni’s pencil moving rapidly as she barely even glanced at the words her hands produced.

On the last day of the semester Toni finally looked away and came to two realizations:

a. Her mother was never getting better. Not really. b. Toni had written P E R U over forty times in her notebook.

As quietly as she could she tore the page out, and maybe about fifteen pages behind it, filled with similar drivel and recycled them at the end of class.

When the next semester started the seats were changed and something she’d written that she barely remembered was on the board.

Her mother was still in rehab.

———

Toni watches Marcus carry Martha’s backpack to class and watches as Martha giggles at him, argues with him. She is literally so happy it makes Toni’s heart burst.

“Shelby’s quite the matchmaker, huh?” Fatin asks.

Toni looks at her.

“Leah told me,” Fatin explains.

Toni rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too,” Fatin says. “Leah’s good at noticing things but putting the pieces together is not her strong suit. So I called Dorothy.”

This makes Toni’s shoulders tense and Fatin wraps an arm around them.

“Dorothy didn’t want to talk but what she didn’t say was enough.” Fatin sighs, “I’m all for a little drama but this is cutting into my me time.”

“What going from twenty-four hours a day to twenty-three and a half?” Toni asks.

“God forbid,” Fatin nods sagely. “I didn’t know you could write.”

“I can’t.”

“Clearly not.”

Toni slips out from under her arm, and follows Martha into class. Mr. Williams glares as she comes in and Toni realizes if Marcus came clean to Martha he definitely came clean to Mr. Williams. At least the poem is off the board.

When he passes out papers from a recent essay her’s has a “see me after class” sticker that makes Toni slide down in her seat. Martha doesn’t even notice enough to give her an odd look because she and Shelby are yukking it up about the quarterback.

When everyone files out she hangs back and he looks at her, over his spectacles.

“I’m disappointed,” he says at last.

Toni scoffs.

“You write essays based off spark notes, you never participate, and half the time you don’t even do the homework. But you write this.” He slides the crumpled paper over his desk, her poem shining back at her. “So all I can conclude is that you’re lazy.”

Yeah, obviously.

“Why did you have Marcus tell everyone he wrote it?” Mr. Williams asks.

“So he could ask out Martha.”

“He didn’t need to have written the poem to do that,” Mr. Williams says.

“Can I go?” Toni asks.

“I want to submit this poem to a contest, I want you to start trying in this class, and this,” he hands her a slip of paper with about twenty sets of numbers on it, “is a list of Dickinson poems I want you to read by next week. Pick at least three to write me at least a page about. Single spaced.”

“What?” Toni asks, “You can’t make me do that.”

“I know half the kids in this class write off spark notes, I can easily have them all—including you—fail. So yes, yes I can actually.” He takes off his spectacles and Toni glares at him. “You’re a smart kid, Toni. You’ve got a talent for this.”

Toni shakes her head, “I’m a one hit wonder.”

“You know Britney Spears said the same thing after Baby One More Time.”

“That’s not true,” Toni says.

“Yeah,” Mr. Williams says. “Because she kept working at it.”

And Toni takes the slip of paper with the numbers on it, and marches to her next class and he watches her the whole way, not bothering to put on his stupid spectacles.

———

10.) you will not watch her crumble under the weight of your sins. she is too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of your heart

Dot didn’t invite them all to the funeral but they came anyway, even Shelby who Toni knew had been waffling back and forth.

Some of his army friends showed up, a doctor or two, and Mateo—the hot nurse Dot steadily ignored. It was a small and quiet service, and the seven of them sat towards the back, holding steady for her.

There was too much on Dot’s shoulders, there always had been, but she didn’t look any freer now that the burden was lifted. She just looked scared, small, and sad.

Toni couldn’t help but wonder if that was what she’d look like, if she got the call about her mom. It was a terribly selfish thought but who could blame her?

Shelby’s hands interlocked with hers, in broad daylight, and stayed there for the entire day. When Toni met her eyes she saw pure terror reflected back at her.

God, were they really only seventeen?

———

Rachel is complaining at lunch about owing Nora five bucks, how she was so sure some closet case wrote the poem but it’s no surprise Nora got it right.

Fatin and Leah don’t contribute and Martha probably wouldn’t have either except she was eating lunch with Marcus, they had found their own little table and were smiling at one another.

“They’re certainly cute together,” Shelby says, glancing back at Martha and Marcus.

“I say it’s weird they have the same name,” Rachel says.

“Says the girl who dated a guy named Raymond,” Nora says.

Rachel throws a straw wrapper at him, “That was a phase and you know it.”

“Marcus is sweet,” Shelby says. “If anyone deserves someone sweet it’s Martha.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little,” Leah trailed off and they all looked at her. “You know a little…”

“Spit it out, Leah,” Rachel says.

“Like the porch lights on but no one’s home?” Leah says.

“Martha is smart enough for the both of them,” Toni says. “And thank god because I was sick of doing his homework in quant lit.”

“That’s literally the easiest math class there is,” Fatin says and Toni shrugs.

“What’s that?” Shelby asks, pointing at the yellow slip sticking out of Toni’s binder.

“Some extra credit stuff, from Williams. Apparently I’m not doing so hot in that class,” Toni says.

Rachel leans way over from the other end of the table. “What is that, Dickinson?”

“It’s a list of numbers,” Shelby says. “Why would it be Dickinson?”

“All of Dickinson’s poems were numbered. It was only after she died that other people named them,” Nora says.

“And Nora said it so you know it’s true,” Rachel smirks.

“Join the fucking club,” Dot says to Toni. “I don’t know why y’all didn’t take non-honors English twelve with me. We just sit around and talk about whatever football game was on the most recently.”

“Well I’ve never liked football so.” Toni gets up, “I’ve gotta talk to my science teacher. I’ll see you guys after school.”

“I’ll go with you,” Shelby smiles and Toni clenches her jaw. “Ms. Roberts said I needed to rework my psych paper.”

“See you guys,” Rachel says and as they leave she’s arguing with Dot about why football is stupid and Toni can feel Fatin’s eyes on her all the way out.

———

reasons to kiss her

1.) she loves you, and her eyes are closed, and didnt your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting

Toni hated the magnet program kids at her middle school. Like everyone not in their cluster she found them annoying, rich, and privileged as fuck. They only hung out with each other and it was clear they’d never give—

———

“Toni?”

The stair well is empty, it’s the short cut through the language hallway and no one goes there during lunch.

Toni is working hard on ignoring Shelby but is forced to turn around when Shelby stops halfway up.

“Ms. Roberts doesn’t need me to rework my psych paper.”

Toni stares at her.

Shelby takes a step up, one step closer to Toni.

“I had hoped maybe you wrote it for Regan,” Shelby says.

“No such luck,” Toni croaks out.

“That’s a lot of reasons not to kiss someone,” Shelby says. “You’d think if you really shouldn’t kiss someone you’d only need the one.” She takes another step up, until they’re only separated by a few inches.

“I guess,” Toni says.

“Are you really gonna keep me waiting?” Shelby says.

Toni blinks, “You mean you still—”

“I have to do everything myself,” Shelby says.

She kisses her.

[prettyboyjackhughes]

-Boy Best Friends- [J. Hughes & T.Smith]

Literally no one asked for this but Kelly @prettyboycozens and I were talking about how much we love Jack and Ty's friendship, especially after the interview of Jack where Ty comes in and then came up with this idea and I had to write it so here we are! Hope you enjoy!

Jack and I had been close since we were little. We started out next door neighbors then he was the weird boy who I waited at the bus stop with, then he became the boy I had every class with in middle school. Around 6th grade is when we finally clicked and became best friends. He calls me ‘Ranch’ even though my name is Rachel, all because one time his phone autocorrected ‘Rach’ to ‘Ranch’ and he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever. He even changed my contact name to ‘Ranch’.

It’s been an interesting 8 years being friends with him and watching him grow up. The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure we’ve only spent a full year together one time during our whole friendship. He’s always been off doing all his hockey stuff while I’ve been home in Michigan. But then college rolled around. He got drafted the summer after my senior year, managing to watch me walk across the stage at graduation before flying up to Vancouver for his draft 2 days later. I watched him get drafted on TV and remember the thrill of hearing New Jersey picked him because coincidentally, the college I was planning on attending, Seton Hall, was about 20 minutes away from the arena he would be playing in. Knowing I would be getting to spend, hopefully, the next 4 years with my best friend within a short car ride’s distance away for the first time in 8 years was some of the best news I had gotten in a long time.  The first year was rough but I managed to survive, mainly because of Jack. It took a while to figure out the dynamic of our friendship but we settled into a routine and a comfortable cycle. We went back to Michigan for the summer, spending it with our families. He trained most of the summer while I worked. But almost every evening was spent together. Then it came time for us to head back to Jersey and back to the chaos that waited for us.

“Why are you living in the dorm again next year? When Ty and I have a perfectly good room for you to stay in?” Jack asked, his face way too close to his phone. We had been on FaceTime for at least the last 2 hours, him distracting me as I attempted to do homework.

“Because I can? Why would I wanna live with you and Ty?” I shot back, smirking as he looked offended.

“Well that one hurts. Hey, I was just offering so you didn’t have to worry about getting stuck with a bad roommate, like freshman year.” I grimaced at the thought of my freshman year roommate. I had spent more time camped out in Jack’s apartment than at my own dorm.

“That is a good point. But who said you and Ty are good roommates? I know for one, you never pick up anything, your room was always a disaster when we were little and Ty sings in the shower so there’s two cons.” Jack rolls his eyes.

“My singing is lovely! You’re just jealous you can’t sing as well as me!” Ty yells from across the room as Jack turns the camera to show him.

“We’ll work on the singing. And I’ve gotten much better at cleaning up after myself. I even know how to do laundry now!” Jack says, excitedly. I laugh and put my pen down.

“This really isn’t convincing me to move in with you two. Just saying.”  Jack rolls his eyes.

“Just give us a chance. It’ll be fun.” I shrug.

“Okay fine. But you do know that means Brady will be around the apartment, right?” Jack’s face screws up a little and I roll my eyes. Brady is my boyfriend that I met midway through my freshman year. He was a sophomore, majoring in business and just happened to be at the very first party I went to. He was older, in a fraternity and sweet-talked me. I fell head over heels for him almost instantly. But the issue was that Jack and Ty weren’t huge fans.

“Jack, he's not that bad.” This time it’s Jack’s turn to scoff.

“Yeah because having to go and pick your drunk boyfriend up from a party every 2 nights doesn’t make him that bad.” Ty appears next to him and starts talking.

“Rach, we’re just looking out for you. We don’t exactly love the guy.”

“Well that’s what’s gonna happen so get used to the idea.” Jack looks over at Ty.

“I think we can be civil. So you’re moving in?” I nod and Jack cheers. I roll my eyes and start to think about what I have to pack.

The next two weeks are a whirlwind of chaotic packing and moving. The boys were sweet enough to give me the biggest bedroom in the apartment, even though I had the least amount of stuff out of the 3 of us. Once I had moved in, the boys and I settled into a routine of me cooking, then cleaning up, them doing laundry and me folding; really just a lot of splitting up the housework and jobs around the house to get them done. Brady was around a lot, but Jack and Ty were civil and not complete jerks. I was proud of them. But then one night, while Jack, Ty and I were watching some movie Ty had been wanting to watch, I got yet another call from Brady asking me to come pick him up.

“Baby…I…need you to come get me…I-“ Brady’s drunk voice is drowned out by the yelling and music in the background and I can’t hear him anymore.

“Brady, where are you? I’ll come get you.” He mumbles something back but I can’t understand it so I just end the call.

“I have to go get Brady. He’s drunk at a party again.” I say, sighing as I get up off the couch. Jack and Ty exchange a look and then Jack gets up too.

“I’ll drive you. You’ll have to make sure he doesn’t puke in my car though.” I nod as Ty stands up too.

“Might as well come along for the ride.” I slip my shoes on and follow Jack out the door of the apartment, Ty closing the door behind us.

“Let me check his location and I’ll tell you where we’re going.” After enough times of being left sitting somewhere and having no idea where Brady was, he ended up agreeing to share his location with me. In times like these, it was his saving grace.

“He’s about half an hour away. The party must be somewhere in New York.” Jack doesn’t say anything, just starts driving. The ride there is silent, for the first time. Usually Jack and Ty won’t shut up when we’re in the car, constantly fighting about what music to listen to, whose turn it is to drive; everything under the sun is up for discussion when we’re in the car. I usually sit back and listen, occasionally injecting myself into the conversation when I feel necessary. I’ll also play mediator when they’re fighting over something stupid. But the fact that it was silent in the car right now, made everything so much worse. It feels like we’re driving to the end of the world.

“There’s the house.” I say, almost 45 minutes later. Jack manages to get the car parked and turns around to look at me.

“You want us to come with you to find him?” I shake my head, sliding out of the car and shutting the door behind me. This would be the 5th time I’ve had to pick Brady’s drunk ass up from a party in the last 2 weeks. I was getting pretty tired of it. But his explanation was that it was because he was in a fraternity. He said that it was apart of his “brotherhood” or something stupid like that. I didn’t buy any of it but I loved him so I let it go. And as I waded my way through ridiculously sweaty bodies all dancing to way too loud music, I remembered how much I didn’t like partying.

“Hey you’re Brady’s girlfriend right?” A girl asks, grabbing my arm and yelling over the music. I turn to her and nod, an eyebrow raised.

“I just saw him go into a room with some other girl. Top of the stairs on the left.” I gulped, hoping she was wrong.

“Thanks!” I yell back, hurrying over to the stairs and taking them two at a time. I wind through people going up and down the stairs and manage to get to the door. As my hand finds the handle, I take a deep breath, hoping and praying that the sight behind this door isn’t going to be what I think it is. I finally bite back the fear and push the door open. Sure enough, sprawled out across the bed with some girl’s hands all over his bare chest is my boyfriend.

“Baby? Hey I-“ He says, starting to sit up.

“Fuck you. Hope she’s worth it.” I spit out, glaring at him before turning around to rush out of the room. I stumbled down the stairs, bumping into people and blindly apologizing as I pushed through the crowd. Somehow I managed to make it out of the house and into the back seat of Jack’s car.

“Hey hey hey are you okay? Where’s Brady?” Jack asked, a concerned look plastered across his face.

“He-he cheated on me. Wi-with some girl at the p-party.” I stuttered, fighting the tears pressing against my eyes. He and Ty exchange a look and then both look at me.

“Just drive Jacky. Please.” I whisper as the tears finally start to slow a little. It’s silent again for most of the car ride. My phone kept buzzing with texts and calls from Brady but finally, after what seemed like the thousandth call, I put it on do not disturb and tossed onto the seat next to me.

“Well, I mean, there’s always the option of kicking his ass.” Ty says from the front seat, looking up into the rearview mirror at me.

“What do you say, Jacky boy?” I bury my face in my hands and finally let the tears fall.

“Shit Ty, she’s crying! You broke her!” Jack says, hitting Ty’s arm as he looks back at me.

“I didn’t break her! How is it my fault!” They continue to argue back and forth the rest of the ride home, which would usually make me smile and roll my eyes but not today. Not after what just happened.

As soon as we get back to the apartment, I rush inside and to my room, closing the door behind me. I heard Jack and Ty come in not long after me and whisper about something for a while. I hear the front door open and close again and then Jack tapping lightly on my door.

“Hey Ranch, you okay?” He asks, getting a tiny smile from me because of the nickname.

“I should’ve listened to you and Ty. You said he wasn’t good for me but I didn’t listen. I-I thought he loved me.” This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve cried to Jack about boys. I’ve had my share of boyfriends through the years and every single break up was cried out, usually over the phone with Jack.

“Ty went to go get you ice cream and I remembered how much you like bubble baths so I got one ready for you if you want…” He says, awkwardly picking at his thumb and looking at me.

“Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend? You and Ty?” He smiles a little as I sit up and walk over to where he’s standing in the doorway.

“You both are going to make some very lucky girls happy someday, you know that right?” He smiles and nods as I hug him.

“Now aren’t you glad you moved in here?” I smile and nod, looking up at him.

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”

[rainboq]

Thank you for the prompt! Here's one in return. #3 (kiss on the cheek) pricefield

You asked for a kiss on the cheek, you get an entire date and Chloe being a massive disaster. Enjoy! Apologies in advanced for my nonexistent Spanish skills. I’m going insane. It’s just Max, why the hell am I going insane? Chloe sighs as she sits in her truck, one hand on the wheel while the other hovers over the send button on her phone. Fucking Rachel and her big ideas. Just ask her out Chloe, it’ll be fine Chloe, you’ve known her since you were a little kid Chloe. 

A little traitorous part of her wished that Max had just said no so she could get the rejection over and done with. Instead, her dorky little face with it’s stupidly cute dimpled smile and earnest eyes had light up like Chloe had told her that there was going to be new episodes of Hawt Dawg Man or something. And not, you know, a date with her dumb punk ass.

Just hit the damn button Chloe so you can blow this already and tell Rachel you told her so. There’s no way someone as smart and talented as Max wants anything to do with me. She’s just doing this for old time’s sake.

Her finger taps the button and she locks the screen so she can’t stare at it and ratchet her anxiety up higher.

Ha. As if she has any control over her anxiety right now.

Her phone buzzes with Max’s reply and she takes a few deep breaths to try and steady her nerves. Her usual go to right now would be smoking, but she forgot her damn pack at home like a dumbass in her flurry of getting ready. At least I didn’t fuck up Rachel’s makeup job.

Is Max even going to like me with this much makeup on? She knew me before I ever started wearing any.

She does an impromptu drum solo on her steering wheel to try and get some of her nervous energy out, to mixed success when her eyes spot movement in the lobby of Max’s building. She turns in her seat, gets a look at her and promptly forgets to breathe. Chloe had said to dress up a bit, and Max had taken the liberty of wearing a flowing black dress with some matching leggings. It’s not nearly as showy as the things Rachel wears to parties and events, but there’s something about the way her freckled shoulders look under the straps that makes her heart squeeze. Those damn freckles, why do they have to be so cute?! Dammit, breathe, don’t be a total dweeb in front of Max because she grew up and got hot.

Fuck she is hot though.

I’m so boned.

Max spots her truck as she pushes out through the inner door and a great big dorky smile spreads across her face as she waves enthusiastically. Chloe waves back and scoots across the bench seat to throw the passenger door open. A moment later Max is climbing in, all winning and too god damn adorable smiles. “Hey Chloe!”

“Uh, hey Max! You look… hella great.”

Max’s cheeks go a bit red as she hunches her shoulders forwards, one hand rubbing the back of her neck. “I don’t know about that, but you look amazing.”

There’s no part of Chloe’s stolen blazer and worn black jeans that qualify as amazing to her, but if Max likes it she’s not about to complain. “Thanks,” Chloe tries to say as smoothly as she can muster despite the slight wobble in her tone, “You down for some food?”

“I’m hella starving.” Max replies with a cheeky grin as she shuts her door. “I’m so down for this ‘best taco truck in town’.”

Rolling up to a dumpy taco truck in her old brick with someone as gorgeous as Max suddenly has Chloe feeling like Max really deserves a better first and probably only date, but plans are plans. “Then let your noble steed be off, fair maiden!”

Max breaks out in gigglesnorts as Chloe pulls out of the parking lot. “You did not just use one of William’s lines on me!”

“I so hella did Caulfield, what’re you gonna do about it?” Chloe adds a wink, hoping it’ll cover up how obviously sweaty as hell her palms are right now.

“Oh, I’ve got something in mind.” Max says in a low tone that makes Chloe have to fight to not choke on her own spit.

Oh god, is Max actually flirting with me? I’m so not fucking ready for this. “You down to thrash a bit hippie?”

“As long as your bony elbows don’t hit me!” Max replies with a laugh and Chloe punches the radio on.

The scratchy punk from the local station starts blaring and Chloe internally breathes a sigh of relief at not having to try and deal with Max’s flirting for a moment. Oh god, I can hear Rachel laughing her ass off at me right now.

Max for her part grooves along, and Chloe has to focus to avoid going off the road because of it. God she still dances like a total dork! Fuck, it should be illegal to be this cute or something.

Thankfully they make it to the taco truck without Chloe running into anything, despite her distracted driving, and she pulls them up to the sidewalk. I just hope she likes it or this is going to be a hella lame date.

“Hungry Max?” Chloe asks as she throws her door open after shutting off the radio.

“I’m so hungry, you have no idea.” Max replies as she does the same before sheepishly admitting, “I also kinda skipped lunch.”

Chloe jumps out of her truck and jogs around the front of it as Max clambers out. “Jesus Christ Caulfield, no wonder you ended up so short.”

“What! Hey! Not all of us get to be so freakishly tall.” Max groans and sticks out her tongue.

“Yup, it’s just my burden to bear. Now what do you wanna eat?”

“I mean, you know what’s good here.” Max shrugs as she walks alongside Chloe towards the food truck. “Order for me?”

“Spicy or nah?”

“No way, never spicy.”

Chloe can’t help but laugh at the way Max shakes her head and waves her hands in the air. Yup, still a total dork. “Can do Maximo. Just wait here.”

Chloe skips ahead a few steps and shouts out, “¡Hola Alejandro!”

There’s a clattering sound inside the truck and a middle-aged man’s face appears, “¡Aha! ¡Flaca! ¿Como estas?”

“Muy bien, gracias. ¿Y tú?”

“Bein.” He says with a nod and a big smile.

“Bien, quatro numero doce con polo por favor.” Chloe says, before turning to grin at Max who looks a little stunned.

Alejandro sticks his head out to see what she’s looking at before pulling back in and grinning broadly. “¿Tu amor?”

Chloe shrugs, unable to keep the smile off of her face as she rubs the back of her head. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I forgot how to say that in Spanish. Way to go dumbass.

Alejandro, to his credit, doesn’t need it spelled out for him as he pokes his head back out and calls out to Max, “¡Hola bonita!”

Max freezes up for a moment before doing a little wave back. “H-hola.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Alejandro grins at her, before retreating back into the food truck to start working on the order.

Chloe pulls out her wallet from her blazer’s pocket and takes out approximately the right amount of money plus tip and drops it on the counter before jogging back to Max with a big idiot grin on her face. “And that’s the food!”

“I guess I should probably learn some Spanish if I’m going to be living large in LA, huh?” Max asks sheepishly, doing that thing she used to do when they were kids where she’d hold her arm.

“Prolly a good idea,” Chloe says as she moves to stand next to Max. “This shouldn’t take too long.”

“Maybe I should have brought a sweater, I always forget how cold it gets here when the sun goes down.”

“Here, stand next to me, the food should warm you up.” Chloe holds out her arm and Max doesn’t hesitate to tuck into her side.

A sort of silence settles in as Max hums softly to herself and chews on her lip while Chloe watches the window for the food. The pressure of Max against her feels good, great even, but it all feels so surreal. “I can’t believe we’re actually on a date.”

“Oh no?” Max giggles softly as she snakes an arm around Chloe’s waist, “What’s so unbelievable about it?”

“How about the part where you said yes?”

“When I told my parents, my dad announced that Joyce and mom owe him fifty bucks.”

“Wait, what?” Chloe somehow manages to not stammer.

“They all had a bet, our dads bet that we’d date some day.”

Chloe turns her eyes heavenwards, where the few stars visible in LA are starting to poke out as the sun sets. I guess you’re smiling on my dumb ass from up there, huh dad?

“¡Loca!” Alejandro shouts from the truck as he puts their food out.

“That’s us.” Chloe says before reluctantly pulling away from Max, “we’ll eat in the back of my truck, meet me there?”

“Sure thing.”

Chloe trots over, grabs the two trays of food. Damn, dude threw in tortilla chips gratis, I fucking owe him a bigass tip next time I come.

Max waits for her, standing next to the now open tailgate. “After you, mademoiselle.”

“You know French?” Chloe asks with a cocked eyebrow as she slides the trays into the bed before climbing up.

“I picked up a couple things from an ex.” Max shrugs as Chloe turns, offers her a hand and hauls her up into the bed.

They end up sitting together at the far end, their backs resting against the cab as Chloe divides the food between them. “Eat up, short stuff.”

“Oh my god, stop making fun of my height you beanstalk!” Max laughs as she elbows Chloe.

Chloe just cackles as she pulls out her first taco and takes her first bite. Come on Chloe, it’s Max, but it’s still a date so don’t eat like a total fucking slob.

She waits until she’s actually finished her first mouthful and swallowed before turning to Max, “How is it?”

“Oh my god I think I’m in love,” Max mutters as she finishes her first mouthful, “Legit the best taco I’ve ever had.”

“Did I tell you or did I tell you?” Chloe grins in triumph before taking another bite of her taco.

They don’t talk much as they consume their tacos, they’re too tasty. Chloe finishes first and has to resist the urge to shout her victory like they did when they were kids having stupid eating contests. Instead, she starts popping tortilla chips into her mouth and just kind of watching Max while she waits.

Damn, I’ve seen her a bunch since she moved here and I still can’t get over how damn cute she got. Like even her ‘ugly duckling’ pics from high school look great. I can’t believe I missed out on her braces years though, damn, that would have been hilarious to be around for. That or I would have gotten in a lot of fights for jackasses making fun of her, which wouldn’t have been much of a change honestly…

Max finishes her tacos and beams up at Chloe, “That was delicious! Thank you so much Chloe!”

“Hey, you deserve it, also hang on, you got some sour cream on your nose.” Chloe grabs a napkin and wipes it off, prompting a giggle from Max.

“You’re adorable.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Max laughs and steals a chip from Chloe’s basket before grinning at her as she eats it.

“What, hey! Those are my chips! You’ve got your own!”

“Yeah but yours are tastier!”

Oh my god, this old game. “What, you want me to feed them to you?”

Chloe’s heart skips a beat as Max’s cheeks flush red. “I-I mean, I wouldn’t mind…”

“Only if you feed me yours.” Chloe grins as she feels her own cheeks heating up.

“It's a deal then.”

Chloe holds up one of her chips to Max’s face, who promptly devours it before holding up one of her chips for Chloe, who returns the gesture. Before long they’re both grinning at each other like sappy idiots and swapping chips until their baskets run empty. Max makes a little disappointed noise as they run out and Chloe gathers up their baskets.

“I’ll run these back and we’ll hit the road?”

“Sure thing.” Max says, before stifling a yawn. “Man, I didn’t realize how late it’s getting already.”

“Nah, you’re just getting old, the night’s still young.”

Max jabs a finger into Chloe’s side before laughing, “You ass, don’t you know it’s rude to joke about a lady’s age?”

“I’m older than you!”

“I said a lady.” Max retorts with a smirk as they both get to their feet and hop out of the bed.

“You got me there Maximus Wrecked.”

Damn, I think this is actually going pretty well! She thinks to herself as she jogs back to the food stand and drops the baskets off on the outside counter. From inside Alejandro flashes her a double thumbs up and Chloe grins back at him before turning around to head back to her truck.

Max is already in the cab, holding herself and shivering a bit as Chloe gets in. “Definitely should have brought a sweater.”

Thinking fast, Chloe pulls off her blazer and holds it out to Max. “Here, until the heater decides to start working.”

“Thank you so much,” Max says as she puts the blazer on in a hurry, “This has been great.”

“Hey, you’re great so…”

There’s a giggle from Max before she stifles another yawn. “Dork. We should probably head back though. I had a crazy long day.”

Chloe’s heart sinks and her mind immediately starts racing for ways she fucked this up as she starts her truck up. “Oh, okay.”

“I had fun Chloe, seriously.” Max says, reaching out across the bench and laying her hand on Chloe’s forearm as she shifts the truck into gear. “We’ll have to do this again.”

Oh, okay, so I didn’t completely fuck it up. “Second date, huh?”

“Definitely,” Max smiles warmly as they pull out into the street, “Mind if I put some of my tunes on?”

“Sure, knock yourself out.”

Soft indie rock fills the cabin as Chloe drives back to Max’s place. Despite the promise of a second date, she really, really, really doesn’t want this to end. She’d hoped to go walking down the beach or something with max, maybe hit up a bar and get a little crazy.

Can’t you just be happy dumbass? You got the second date, just… take it easy. You know better than to rush Max of all fucking people.

The drive back to Max’s apartment is way too short, or maybe she’s so wrapped up in her thoughts that the usual nightmare of LA traffic barely registers. Either way, she’s sitting in front of Max’s building and wishing she was anywhere else in town with Max.

“So, uh…”

“Thank you, I had a wonderful evening,” Max says softly as she scoots across the bench seat and presses a gentle kiss into Chloe’s cheek, one hand cupping her chin.

It takes Chloe a second to remember what words are, much less how to put them together into sentences, but she does manage, eventually as she turns to look at Max. “You’re, uh, hella welcome.”

Something mischievous that ties Chloe’s guts in a knot sparkles in those brilliant blue eyes of Max as she smiles wide, “Do you hella want to come up to my apartment for some coffee?”

[mediocre-writerr]

lonely heart [leah rilke]

pt.7 of bring us through

leah rilke x reader

requested #1: Part 6 of Bring us Through where we see more of just all the girls together as a group working together? Maybe more of the reader with like Dot, Fatin, Rachel, Martha and Nora?

requested #2: Omg the part 6 was absolutely amazing! It hit me right in the feels, I love angst. Would you maybe do a continuation of it?

*not my gif*

You didn’t know what it was. If it was a break or a breakup. Leah didn’t seem to be making an effort, but neither were you.

Of course your insomnia started coming back. Unable to sleep, but rather stared at the fire. This night wasn’t any different. Leah’s arms weren’t wrapped around you so you felt empty. The comfort you once found in her arms were long gone.

“You’re still up?” Toni asked, groggily. She got up from her spot next to Shelby placing herself next to you.

“Insomnia’s back...” you mumbled and she just nodded. Time went on as the two of you just sat in silence. The fire crackling and the oceans lapping were the only sounds you could hear, “Does it ever stop?”

“Does what stop?” Toni questioned, tilting her head to finally look at you.

“The hurting...I know about you and Regan. She was your first love and all.” you explained.

“Shelby told me you already experienced a first love. I didn’t know Leah was the one.” she said, more confused than anything else.

You shook your head, “She’s not, but it hasn’t stopped hurting. Not from my first love, not after this fight with Leah. So does it stop hurting?”

Toni sent you a sad smile, shaking her head, “No, you just make room for it, as pessimistic as that sounds it’s the truth.” you let out a disappointed sigh, running your hands over your face, “But...whether happens, forgiving Leah or finding someone new, your heart will be ready. You’ll just have to listen.”

The next morning you were hanging out with Fatin. Shelby and Toni off on their weekly rendezvous, so you were left alone. You would usually spend this time with Leah, but obviously that was out of the question.

You and Fatin were trying to listen to the instructions that Dot was giving. The two of you stared at Dot like she had three heads and sighed before turning your head to look at each other. Fatin’s mouth slightly open. ‘Do you understand what she’s saying?’ Fatin mouthed with furrowed brows.

You shrugged your shoulders as you shook your head. Both of you stifiling a laugh to look at the girl in front of you. Leah’s eyes glanced between the two of you as her jaw clenched. She shouldn’t be feeling this way, she’s the one who picked a fight for the same reason she’s angry now.

But if there was a budding romance between you and Fatin it wasn’t alright with her. Leah has been trying to figure out ways to talk to you and apologize. But it seemed like all of the words in the world could not express how sorry she was.

“Shelby?” Leah called out as she followed her along the shoreline, after they got back from their alone time. You weren’t the only one who had stopped talking to her, “Shelby please!” she exclaimed pulling on her wrist to face her.

“What do you want?!” Shelby snapped as she looked her way.

The brunette seemed to shrink at her words, but nevertheless pushed on with the subject. “I just wanted to apologize...”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” she shot back. Anger gleaming throughout her eyes.

“I know, I know, but it’s more complicated than that.” Leah sighed as she looked down at her hands.

The blonde Texan rolled her eyes. “And what exactly is complicated about it? It’s not too hard to say ‘I’m sorry’.”

“But it is hard to say ‘I love you’ when I don’t even know if we’re still together,” Leah confessed, “Shelby, I know I fucked up. And I know I broke the one thing that I promised you, but I need to know how to get her back. We haven’t talked since and it’s killing me. I need her in my life.”

Shelby sighed as she looked at you. You were smiling, but your eyes didn’t have that sparkle they used to. In fact, you looked more tired again, like you haven’t been sleeping again. At least not since what happened with Leah, “Well you aren’t going to get any closer to getting back together by wallowing in your sorrows. Don’t make me regret giving you another chance Rilke.”

You sat along with Fatin, Dot, Martha, Rachel, and Nora around the campsite as Dot tried training all of you to keep watch on the fire. Your leg bounced up and down as you watched Dot’s makeshift Ted Talk on firewood.

“So make sure you get the driest pieces possible. One slightly wet wood will cause the fire to diminish.” Dot explained.

Fatin snorted, “Sounds familiar, like a lovely pe-“

You laughed along with the rest of the girls as Dot cut her off, “Alright, moving on! Y/N, you’re on inventory with Martha. Rachel, you’re with me. And Fatin and Nora.”

Martha’s suitcase washed up on the shore not too long ago. She unzipped it to reveal a froggy type poncho. “Yes! Froggy! I used to wear this thing whenever I was stressed and it would calm me down!”

She slipped it on, “Awe that looks so cute on you!”

“Thank you!” she said, doing a little twirl. There were a few little moments of silence before she finally spoke up, “So what happened between you and Leah? You guys are like dating right?”

You swallowed before answering, “Yeah? I don’t know...we just got into a really rough fight and I don’t know if we’re dating anymore.”

She noticed how sad you looked and smiled at you sympathetically. “Dinosaurs eating people,” she began singing the song you would sing to all of them when they were upset and your lips quirked upward, “Dinosaurs in love,”

“Dinosaurs having a party. They eat fruit and cucumber!” the two of you sing together.

“Wait! You guys are singing the song without me?!” Fatin screamed from where she was and her and Nora ran over.

Fatin pulled you up from off the ground and spun you around, “They fell in love. They say ‘thank you’.” Nora sings.

“A big bang came and they died!” Fatin sang, doing this weird lyrical dance. Your smile grew even wider as she danced all over the place.

“Dinosaurs dinosaurs fell in love! But they didn’t say goodbye!” the four of you sing as Fatin continued to dance.

“But they didn’t say good-BYE!” Rachel and Dot sing loudly coming out of nowhere.

All of you laughed with one another and for the first time since the fight, you felt okay. All of you sat back around the campfire, much to Dot’s disappointment of you and Martha not doing the one task she asked you to do.

You felt someone tap your arm from behind and you turned around to come face to face with Leah. Your heart skipped a beat as your breath hitched. The two of you hadn’t talked since and it’s been consuming you.

You took a deep breath, “What’s up Leah?”

“Um...I have to go scavenging for fire wood and uh you’re the one who got the infamous Dot’s Wood Ted Talk. I was wondering if you’d like to come with me?” you were silent for a beat before she started talking again, “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

You shook your head, “No it’s okay. I’ll go help you, strength in pairs you know?” you say.

A small smile formed on her face, “Yeah strength in pairs.”

You got up and wiped the sand off your butt, before falling into step with Leah towards the jungle. Toni gave Shelby a look as the two of you walked away, “Are you okay with this?”

“I’m giving her one last chance.” Shelby answered and Toni nodded, “Can I chew her ass out next time if she fucks up again?”

“Wait I want in on it!” Fatin exclaimed, interrupting the girls’ conversation.

“So do I!” Dot confessed looking at the couple.

Shelby just laughed, before nodding, “All of you could take part in it.”

You and Leah barely talked the entire time. Embarking in comfortable silence. The humid jungle making you grow tired by the second and Leah could notice.

“Hey did you wanna take a break? It’s getting pretty humid out here.” she suggested and you smiled at her before sitting along the trunk of a tree.

She sat down next to you, but maintained her distance. She didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.

You stifled yet another yawn, “Have you been getting sleep?”

You shrugged your shoulders and stared out into the forest, feeling somewhat embarrassed, “No.”

“Love, you haven’t?” she asked and her eyes went wide at the nickname she said, but you didn’t seem to mind. All you did was shake your head, “If you want you can rest here, I’ll keep watch and wake you up when I think it’s time to head back.”

You pondered this question for awhile, before ultimately nodding. Leah was about to give you room to sleep, but before she could you immediately rested your head in her shoulder as if on instinct. Leah tried to make you as comfortable as possible, placing her head softly on you.

Soft snores started emitting from your mouth, making Leah smile softly. This meant that you didn’t feel awkward around her. That meant that she might have a chance with you.

Leah sighed as she hung out with Fatin a couple nights after. The two of you would go on missions together like usual, talking more and joking around more, “So she didn’t seem awkward around you?” Fatin asked, trying to figure out what was going on between you two.

She shook her head, “No...I don’t know. It just seems like she’s not interested in me anymore.”

“You just gotta grow some balls and tell her how you feel, dude! That’s the only way to actually know.” Fatin put her hand on Leah’s shoulder.

The blue-eyed girl sighed, “But I just got back to being friends. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“I know this line has probably been told by everyone here, at some point or another, but look we’re on a stranded island. We don’t know what’s gonna happen to us, if we’re gonna get saved or not. You gotta take the leap of faith.”

Leah nodded and sighed, going back to stare at you and Shelby.

You laughed as Shelby was telling you her champagne problem with Toni “Can you believe Toni wouldn’t let me be the small spoon? Like you put on this big ol’ tough girl front, but you can’t be big spoon once?!”

“I think its fitting.” you teased as your gazed rested on Leah, who was already staring at you. The orange hue from the fire lit up her face, but you could still see a small blush forming on her cheeks. She smiled before looking down at her hands.

“You still love her?” Shelby asked.

You hesitantly nodded, “Yeah, I don’t know. I just-what if I get my heart broken again. Or everything falls apart...again. I can’t go through something like that again.”

Your best friend put her hands on your shoulders, shaking you lightly, “Love is terrifying. But if you’re constantly terrified about getting your heartbroken, you’ll be stripped of love your entire life.”

She looked at you dead in the eyes, all seriousness, no lightness, “I mean look at us Y/N, we were stripped of loving who we wanted our entire lives. Now is our chance to finally change that. And if Leah’s not the one and you get your heartbroken then we’ll get through it. Because if God brought us to it?”

“God will bring us through it.” you say with a smile on your face.

“Hey can we talk?” a voice calls out from behind you. You turned around to see Leah standing there with a nervous smile on her face.

You nodded, “Yeah of course.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Shelby said as she got up from the spot next to you, bringing her voice to a whisper, “Don’t fuck this up.”

Leah bit her lip and sighed, “I still have feelings for you.” your breath hitched immediately, “I know that I fucked up and I’m so sorry. For all of the things I’ve said and just all of it. I guess I just self imploded because the only love I’ve ever felt was with someone I shouldn’t have been with in the first place. He took my heart that was fragile like glass and just dropped it.”

Her eyes started tearing up, “But you, when everyone thought I was insane you were there. You broke down my walls and you liked me for me. I think I’m in love with you Y/N and that terrifies me.”

You take a few steps forward, gently putting your hands on her shoulders and pulling her closer and pressing your lips against hers softly. Leah’s breath hitched against your lips before she shut her eyes and moved them against your lips slowly. You smiled against her lips and pulled away after a few moments. “I love you Rilke. So much.”

Her smile grew more and more, “If you want we can take things slower. We can figure everything out together.”

You leaned closer and gave her a chaste kiss, “I’d like that.”

///

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