#u look here tommy miller youre the best man i know

[mariatesstruther]

feeling deep feelings about tommy feeling not smart enough for maria like wow @hypnotisedfireflies u ate that fr

[heartpascal]

the crooked kind

▹ — joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹ — summary: you were sarah’s best friend, and you reunite with joel years after outbreak day.

▹ — a/n: erm. i love him. again not my best writing but i love this concept sm. also yes now i know there is an audience for father figure joel u will be getting so much of him

▹ — warnings: reader had major family troubles, pre-outbreak & post-outbreak, father figure joel, reader is injured, stab wound, referenced raiders/hunters, bill being hostile as usual, frank being a sweetie

masterlist

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25th September, 2003.

After a long shower at the Miller’s house, you got changed and went downstairs to face them, the same anxiety you always felt when this happened arose in your chest. They were in the kitchen waiting for you, matching frowns on both Sarah and her dad’s face. You smiled tightly at them, grabbing the box of food Sarah held out for you.

“Guys, it’s fine! I can’t stay here forever.” You told them lightly, trying to lift the heavy mood that always fell over the three of you when you had to go back to your own house.

“You could! Couldn’t she, dad?” Sarah asked, turning to her dad and knowing the answer before he even said it.

“‘Course you could, kid. You know you’re a part of the family.” Joel supplied, making it even harder to maintain the certain and confident front you always put on when it was time to leave.

You heard the tires of the truck pulling up outside their house, and the truck door slamming shut as Tommy stepped out, his frown matching Sarah and Joel’s, too. He grabbed the box of food from your hand and put it in the bag on your back, clapping a gentle hand on your shoulder and squeezing as you smiled at him.

“Time to go,” you said, and rolled your eyes with a watery smile as you looked at the sulking expression Sarah wore, “C’mon, Sar. I’ll see you at school tomorrow!”

Nobody responded to your words, and their silence clearly conveyed their thoughts, but what about tonight? You were all aware of how much your family disliked when you stayed at the Miller’s but sometimes, you’d rather face their anger when you returned than any extra time at your own house. Aside from the people who lived there, you also never knew if there would be any water, which is why you always took a shower before leaving the Miller’s. You’d likely be back by this time next week, but it never made leaving easier.

You had once tried to stay at your best friend’s for longer, going on a few weeks, but when you had returned to your house to grab some more clothes, your parents had kicked off. Shouting, screaming, throwing things, the likes. They had yelled in your face that they would call the police on Joel, say he had kidnapped you, was keeping you away from home.

The last thing you wanted was the man who was essentially your own dad going to jail because of you.

It’s better this way, you had decided, because there was no other way. You were lucky your parents let you out of the house at all at this point. Every time you took a bundle of clothes stuffed into the bottom of your school bag you were chancing your luck, but you just couldn’t help it. Staying at Sarah’s gave you the experience of a loving family that you so badly wanted. A warm house, cooked food, and working water didn’t hurt, either.

“Let’s go, kid.” Tommy said, giving you a tight lipped smile. He didn’t want you to go back, either, but neither Miller men were willing to let you walk there. Tommy took you home every time, all of you knowing that Joel was much more likely to snap if your parents showed their faces.

“See you guys later! Happy birthday for tomorrow, Joel!” You waved at Sarah and Joel as you headed out of the front door, throwing a wave behind you and hearing them call out their own goodbyes.

You and Tommy sat in silence for the first few minutes of the drive, before he glanced in your direction, saying, “Listen, if you need anything, give us a call. I’m gonna be out tomorrow but Joel will be about. But hey, you need a bit of extra muscle? I’ll be there.”

You smiled at him, thankful to have such a supportive family who had your back at every turn.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Joel sighed as he gripped the steering wheel in his hand, waiting for his brother to finish up the paperwork he had to sign. When Tommy finally approached the truck, Joel turned to him with a dark look, annoyance clear in the curve of his eyebrows.

“Listen, Joel, I’m sorry!” Tommy told him immediately, reluctantly pulling his seatbelt over his chest and holding his hands up as if he was surrendering. “That fucker said her name and I just snapped, man.”

Tommy must have seen the way Joel’s face dropped, because he felt anxiety warm up in his chest as Joel said your name, his expression telling them both that something was very wrong. He remembered the crease to Sarah’s eyebrows when he had finally gotten home, the way she’d told him that you hadn’t been in school, and she felt like something was off.

“She wasn’t at school today.” said Joel, his eyes almost unfocused as all the possibilities for the why flashed in his mind, he completely missed the way Tommy’s jaw set.

The sound of guns going off in the police station sent both of their heads whirling around in alarm, with Tommy reaching back for the box that was kept under the driver’s seat. “What the…” he mumbled, eyes flashing with the fire that had started across the road. It was when they started hearing the helicopters and dozens of military and coppers swarming the street that the two Miller’s realised something was very wrong. “Shit, Sarah!”

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

23rd May, 2013.

Your arm was throbbing with pain, and you were sure something was fractured at the least. Not to mention the warm red blood that was dripping down from your shoulder, basically the only thing providing you with any heat in the all-encompassing cold. Or maybe all the blood leaving you was what was making you feel so cold. You weren’t sure.

It was the first time in a while that you had left your QZ, and you were ambitious, aiming to travel all the way to the Boston QZ with as little trouble as you could manage. Of course, you hadn’t counted on the people, the raiders and hunters who tried to kill you to steal all the supplies you didn’t have. You were lucky to make it out alive, really. You hadn’t felt very lucky for a long time.

It had been at least thirteen hours since you were attacked, and you knew you wouldn’t make it much further. Already, you were feeling lightheaded, woozy, like the ground was reaching up for you, but you powered on, seeing the glint of a metal fence up ahead.

The wiring at the top told you that it was electric, which you wouldn’t have been worried about if the buzzing didn’t echo in your ears, meaning it actually had electricity.

You pushed lightly against where there was a gate, a keypad there to unlock it. These days, you wouldn’t be able to bet on it being a simple 1, 2, 3, 4. Clearly, this was somebody’s home, and they didn’t take lightly to intruders. Your head dropped against the metal, the metal warm from the sun, and you were glad that only the barbed wire at the top was electric.

Your luck clearly hadn't lasted very long, as you heard the sounds of two guns clicking, the safety turning off.

“Who are you?” A man’s gruff voice asked, and you moved your head from the fence to look at the man stood at the front, “What do you want?” His striking blue eyes tore through you, looking for any sign of a threat, but you didn’t pose much of one in your current state.

“Jesus, Bill, let the girl in, she’s gonna die out there!” A friendlier voice called out, approaching the two men already stood in front of you.

“Or, she could kill us in here.” Bill said, eyes not moving from where you stood, narrowing as you put your hands up in a motion of surrendering.

Your eyes fluttered for a second, and you nodded at the man, understanding of his caution. “I—I’m just looking to get to the QZ. Boston.” You spoke, voice dry and cracking, having only been used when you had yelled out at the people who had attacked you, and that was hours ago. You were dehydrated, tired, and hurt. “Could you point me in the direction?”

“She’s not gonna make it that far.” A woman, who you hadn't noticed approaching, said, eyebrows raised as she looked from the other newcomer to Bill. A part of you knew she was right, knew that you probably wouldn’t make it another fifty steps of the way, but god, you’d come this far, and you really didn’t want to die.

“Bill.” The man prompted, eyebrows raised as he gestured toward the gate. “Just let her in, you can always… shoot her if she tries anything.”

“And I will.” Bill threatened, glaring at you even as you nodded in agreement.

“I’m not infected,” You supplied, because it was the best you could do, “Got a nasty stab wound, little while ago.”

Bill grumbled, sending the man who was trying to help you back into the town for something, and he continued his annoyed mumbling even as he opened the gate, tapping in a code and holding his gun up to your head as you took a step forward. You stilled, eyes following him as he approached, gun still raised, and held a tester to your neck, only huffing as it flashed green.

“Come on in, honey.” The kind man said, approaching your side and helping you stumble your way into their safe haven. You swayed, even with his help, and he frowned at you.

“You sure about this, Bill?” asked the other man, who hadnt spoken before now. You hadn’t really taken much notice of him, too focused on the people speaking to you in hopes that the world might show you a bit of kindness.

“Joel?” You croaked out, eyes going wide and your legs becoming numb as you stared at the man in shock. The guns immediately rose back up to your face, and they glared at you suspiciously, with the man who had been helping you stepping aside with one look from Bill, even if it was with some reluctance. “Joel— It’s you, I can’t believe it’s really you.”

They all stared at you, none of them daring to speak for a few moments. The woman stared at Joel, trying to communicate with him through eye contact alone.

“She—she fixed it. Didn’t she?” You said numbly, feeling like you were going to pass out, but unable to take your eyes off of the cracked watch that sat on his wrist. Sarah had told you her plan for his birthday, even if you’d never gotten to see it in action, but it was broken again.

Recognition seemed to seep into Joel’s eyes, and his gun lowered slightly. He said your name like a question, like your face was an answer he couldn’t work out.

In a single moment, his gun was dropped to his side, and he surged forward, pulling you into his arms. You held onto him just as tightly, or as tightly as you could manage with your fucked up arm, and blinked away tears as you squeezed your hands together behind his back.

His hand held the back of your head, keeping you close to him as he let out a breath. “Fuck.” He said, the words watery with tears you were sure he refused to let out. “I was sure you were dead. The houses on your street were on fire, I—…” He trailed off, pulling away to hold your face in his rough hands.

You forgot all your pain for a moment, eyes full of tears from something else, something like relief, “I got away, my—my dad was arrested and my mom went to get him. When I got to yours, you were all gone.”

He swallowed guiltily, eyes looking over your grown face. You looked so different, so… you looked like an adult.

You looked around at the town, wondering which one belonged to the Miller’s, “Where— where’s Sarah?”

Joel flinched, hands squeezing your cheeks once more, before he shook his head, looking away before he pulled you back to him once again.

“Oh.” You gulped, swallowing down the grief you had already felt for the Miller’s that rose back up, trying to sweep you away.

“Can somebody explain what the fuck is going on?” The woman asked, the first of Joel’s group to speak up since your unexpected reunion. She looked between you and Joel and the two men, as if one of you could answer all of her questions.

You looked up at Joel, and he felt like he was going to be sick, the memories of you doing that before the world had gone to shit hitting him like a brick to the face. He remembered the way you would smile at him, a grin that matched Sarah’s, like the two of you were born as sisters, and not just chosen sisters.

“I…” You began, stepping out of Joel’s arms to face the group and explain, but that wave of nausea hit you, the adrenaline from finding Joel seeping from your body, leaving you feeling like you were about to step into death’s doorway. “Okay, um, let me—”

Joel stepped forward, and you fell into him, with him picking you up like he used to do with you and Sarah before. It hit him then, with how you were heavier, and how he hadn’t done this for anyone in years, but he still managed.

“I—I’ll explain, after.” He said, the words echoing in your ears as your eyes fluttered, the last of your long-winded fight or flight leaving you as you rested in your dad’s arms, feeling like perhaps you’d wake up in the bed beside Sarah’s, and everything that had happened in the past decade would have been nothing but a dream. “Frank?” He prompted, letting the man lead him to wherever he thought would be best suitable to patch you up.

That sickening feeling crept up on Joel again, the situation being horribly reminiscent of outbreak day, almost like your weight was Sarah’s own, and his shaking fingers being from fear and not shock. He hated it, that the feeling of regaining a daughter was so similar to the loss of his other.

He felt a hand on his shoulder as he followed Frank, and glanced to his side to see Tess, and allowed himself to feel the slightest comfort at the nod she gave him.

Your eyes blinked open, and you looked at him through bleary eyes, “I’ve missed you, dad.” You told him, not missing the heartache in his eyes as he looked at you, but he smiled. It was thin, watery, and barely there, but you saw it.

“Kid, you got no idea.” He sighed out, focusing on getting you fixed up before he could start crying.

[chaotic-mystery]

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader (one shot)

Summary: Joel forgets date night and has guys night instead, which makes you act out. Joel isn’t too happy and has to punish you in the best way he knows how.

Content Warnings: SMUT 18+ MDNI! Mean!joel, swearing, arguing, brat tamer! If you squint, drinking, teasing Joel, a slight comment about cheating but would never, rough!joel, spanking,choking,spitting, manhandling, sir!kink, unprotected p in v, orgasm denial, pet names (little girl, little one, baby doll, Joel calls you a crazy bitch oNCE, etc) power dynamic, big girthy age gap (not specified but enough to where you call him old man) slight bullying of peepaw for forgetting stuff, rough sex. Let me know if I’m missing anything!

Word Count: 3K

This is 1000% based on this gif @worhols sent me 🖤 love u Becca

Even though your Saturday morning was filled with a shift at work, you couldn’t wait to get home to see your man and take all afternoon to get ready for your date at 7. Date night was far and in between now for you two, so some fun outside the house was what you were needing. Your key entered the lock on the front door and turned, pushing the door open to music echoing from the basement. 

The kitchen counter was covered in beer boxes and bottles of liquor, chips, and Joel’s case of poker. What the fuck?

“Joel, honey?” You called out and you could hear the thumping on the basement stairs from his boots getting louder as he got closer to the main floor. 

“Hey baby doll, what’s up? How was work?” The back of his hand wipes his forehead slowly, gathering all the sweat off of him. The look on your face was so telling that something was bothering you. 

“Work was fine, uh I’m wondering why there’s shit all over the counter like you’re going to have guys night in the basement?” You crossed your arms across your chest and met his eyes, his jaw slowing the gum chewing down as he thought carefully of what to say next. 

“Beeecause we’re playing poker tonight in the basement…” It came out more as like a question and then it became apparent to you he completely forgot about your date night. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose and close your eyes, “Joel…we were supposed to have a date tonight..did you not remember?”

For such a tan man, you didn’t think he could turn so pale with shock. His hands met his hips and he sighed, looking down at his boots. 

“Darlin’ listen I- I’m sorry I forgot we had plans. Tommy asked if we could do it here and it slipped my mind about date night tonight.” Those beautiful brown eyes found yours once more and made your body shiver with sadness and anger. “How did you forget when I’ve been reminding you all week? Jesus Christ, you don’t listen to me, old man.” You turned and started to take off your jacket, not wanting to say anymore than what you already have. 

“Watch your fuckin’ tone with me little girl. I already told you I was sorry, what more do you want me to do?”

“Nothing, Joel. I don’t want you to do anything except go down there and have a fun time with your friends and play your stupid fucking game. I should ask one of them to take me out because if you can’t remember a simple date, maybe they can show me a better time.” The smartass tone was dripping off your words and it only heated the situation more.

“What the hell did you just say?” His head cocked to the side to make sure he heard you correctly. The smirk on your face only made him more irritated and he was just about to ask you to repeat yourself when he was cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“Saved by the bell, go figure.” You muttered at him and went to open the door leaving Joel standing there in a mix of emotions. You’d never in a million years date his friends but you just wanted to get a rise from him. It was only fair he was in a shitty mood after putting you in one.

You greeted them all with small ‘hellos’ and smiles, Tommy engulfing you in a hug. 

“Are you playin’ poker with us tonight sweetheart?” He asks as he releases you from his arms, walking to Joel and hits his arm lightly. Joel is still clearly caught off guard from your snappy digs and doesn’t say anything to anyone. 

“Oh, no. No poker for me. Joel forgot to mention it to me, guess that age is starting to catch up to him, huh?” You joke, putting the clean dishes away that were still in the strainer. All the guys laugh and Tommy nudges Joel right in his side with a stupid grin on his face. 

“You just gonna take that from her? Man you’re soft now.” He says to Joel and laughs again. Joel looks up at you and burns imaginary holes into your back from staring so hard. “S’alright, she’s jus’ being a brat right now. Why don’t you guys grab the shit from the counter and we’ll start soon?” Joel asks and nods to the countertop in front of you as you stand against the cabinets and squint at him. They grab the stuff and start to head down, a few of them and Tommy hanging back to wait for Joel. 

He walks to you and grabs your wrist by your hip and squeezes it, whispering in your ear, “Knock it off. Now.” 

You snatch your wrist from him and he places a rough kiss on your cheek, barely pressing his lips to your skin. He was pissed off at you for even entertaining that stupid idea of you and his friends to him. 

“Yes, sir.” He clocked your sarcasm instantly and glared at you. Your eyes met his only for a moment as he turned around on his heel and headed to the basement. With a short moment he disappears down the stairs and you’re left sulking in your emotions. This wasn’t the first time he forgot date night, this was actually the fourth. If Joel thought he could start to get comfortable and not put in so much effort for taking you out anymore, boy did he have another thing coming. 

“Fuckin’ asshole.” you mumble to yourself and clean up the mess he left of grocery bags and receipts. 

After about an hour cleaning up the main floor and having to listen to Joel's laugh carry up the stairs and into your ears, you had enough. If he wanted to play, you could play too.

Going to your shared bedroom, you start going through his closet and grab one of his old white t-shirts he had made up for work years ago. Their logo on the back left more room in the front to see everything under it. Slipping on your shortest pajama shorts and hiking them up just under your ass, you giggled at yourself in the mirror and almost changed your mind when you noticed your dress hanging in your closet that you planned to wear tonight. With the sunset slowly turning blue for the night, that burning fire in you started to reignite. 

You make your way slowly down the steps with the laundry basket tucked into your side, clearly your excuse to even go down there. The men were circled around the table, music still blaring and the string lights glittering the ceiling. “No no no, so then I told her to stop usin’ her teeth, it-” You cleared your throat and Tommy shut up quickly, turning around to face you. Joel didn’t even bother to look up until they greeted you, much different than earlier now that you were half dressed. His eyes were zeroed on on your body, his nostrils flared and the cards being held in his hands slowly started to bend. 

“Don’t mind me, just here to do some laundry before I go to bed.” That was a bold face lie. Joel knew you weren’t going to sleep. He also knew you weren’t down here to do laundry, you hated doing laundry. 

“All good, girl. You’re no bother to us.” James said, the one who had been eyeing you since you tiptoed down here. 

You opened the dryer to empty it in the laundry basket, bending over more and more with each scoop inside to get clothes out. Joel coughed loudly when he noticed what you were doing and it made you jump, not expecting him to be so obnoxious with it. “You doin’ alright baby? Need another beer?” You ask a little too sweetly and he doesn’t blink once when you meet his gaze after standing up straight, a stupid smirk forming on your lips.

“Sure, f’you wanna get me one.” He grumbled. 

You wandered over to the small fridge in the corner with a piece of clothing tucked under your arm and grabbed a beer, walking over to him and cracking it open for him. He leaned to one side to really look at you, noticing that shitty grin plastered all over your face. 

“What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t do nice things for you, baby?” You rhetorically asked and folded the pair of panties you shoved under your arm just a second ago. Everyone's eyes fell onto what little fabric there was of the bejeweled thong that said ‘Angel’ on the front.

Joel was shooting daggers at you and you knew how much you were getting under his skin at this point. You took a seat on his lap and looked at his cards, not once looking at him. “All in” James says as he pushes his chips to the middle and his eyes wander up your chest. James was older than Joel and not that good looking. It wasn’t surprising he took a liking to you since he’s cheated on his wife three times now. The other guys were out and it was just between Joel and James. Ironic. 

“You’re bluffin’ you sorry bastard.” Joel chuckles and lays down his cards, straight flush. 

James groaned and tossed his cards in the middle and you looked to see a full house. You jump off Joel's lap and bounce up and down cheering for him, genuinely happy he won. What you forgot about was your boobs were also bouncing up and down. “Alright, that’s it. Guys, I’ll be back in a second. Start over without me and don’t you fuckin’ steal any chips from me.” He states and grabs the laundry basket off the ground, your arm in his other hand and drags you up the stairs. Fuck. Too far.

He marches up all the way to your room and tosses you facedown on the bed, panting from anger. “What the fuck was that, little one? Hm?” You don’t move as he rips off your shorts to expose the white panties covering your ass. 

“What? I was just having fun, Joel.” You snap back and brush your hair from your face to look at him. His jaw clenched together as he nodded once, rubbing the stubble on his chin. 

“Ya know baby, somethin’ just tells me that isn’t the complete truth.“You wanted male attention so bad you were whorin’ yourself around down there in front of anyone who’d look at you for 5 fuckin’ seconds.” His belt was beginning to come undone and you knew what was going to happen. “Joel..baby, please I’m sorry I-”

“Shut your fuckin’ mouth. Stay still. Since I’m such an old man and can’t remember jack shit, count for me baby. If you fuck up, I’ll start over.” He straddles the back of your thighs and moves your panties up out of the way, smacking your ass hard. 

“O-one.” A grunt leaves his mouth after you start counting. His big hand comes down again, smacking the same spot, already red. You gasp and squeeze your eyes shut, whimpering at the pain.

“Two-o.” Your voice shutters. 

Joel’s hand collides with your ass cheek once more. “You’ll learn one of these times not to be a smart ass to me, baby doll.”

“Fuck, Joel- three.” You can feel the welt starting to form. 

You can hear him laughing behind you as he anchors you to the bed more, the pain making your ears ring. Joel spanks you again, the roughest he’s done it yet. 

Your mouth drops in agony and tears start to fall down your face. 

“F-fou-r.” The silent sobs slowly start to leave your lips. 

His other hand comes by your face and ever so gently wipes the tears spilling from your pretty eyes and down your cheeks.

“Cryin’ won’t get you out of this baby girl. You wanted to act like a badass, take the punishment that follows. Got it?”

You couldn’t muster up anything other than, “Y-yes.” 

“Yes, what? Say it.” 

You swallowed harshly and took a deep breath before answering.

“Yes, sir.” 

The hot sensation on your ass cheek was spreading all over your body, the sting from his hand cracking your flesh again made you wince, begging for him to stop. 

“Ahh-five.” You seemed to have been losing your voice, only able to squeak out the number rattling in your brain. 

Instead of cracking you again, Joel rubs where he’s been spanking you and groans. 

“Have you learned your lesson you fuckin’ brat? Gonna be a good girl for me now?” He leans down and whispers in your ear.

You lay there still and unable to speak, a small nod was the only way you could answer. Joel reaches in front of your face and clears your vision of your hair and kisses your cheek roughly. “I dunno princess, think I might have to punish you some more.” His evil chuckle vibrated against your cheek as he kissed it again. 

Without a single word more, Joel laid over the top of you with your arms pinned against your back and you began to wiggle. 

“Take this fuckin’ cock baby. You want attention so bad, so stupid for cock, well here it is. Stay still.” He yanks down your panties and spits on his fingers before shoving his hand between your thighs as you squirm, his fingers starting at your soaking wet cunt all the way back to your asshole. 

The pre-cum leaking from the slightly swollen red tip was spread around the head before Joel rammed his cock so far inside your aching entrance. You mule out and he covers your mouth roughly, yanking you against his chest. 

“Shut the fuck up, they don’t need to know how good I fuck you. Shut that pretty mouth up before I put it to use.” He growls and starts to thrust inside you, ramming into your cervix in no time. The rough hold on your mouth makes your cries and moans so muffled but just audible enough for Joel to hear. 

“So damn wet for me princess, knew you like when I spank ya like that. Such a nasty little thing f’me. Think those assholes downstairs could fuck you like I do?” A rough kiss against your neck makes your eyes roll back and whine out, needing him to split you open from the inside. His calloused hand still covers your mouth and you shake your head in disagreement. 

“Use your big girl words baby.” Joel grunts and uncovers your mouth, grabbing your waist roughly and thrusts into you harder. 

You whimper and bite your lip and tilt your head back, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that were hungry for you. “No, sir. I don’t think they could ever fuck me the way you do. Your big fucking dick ramming into me and making me scream while you try to fit the whole thing inside me.” You could see your words were getting him somewhere, a small smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth. 

He digs his fingers into the skin on your hip more and pounds into you, his skin smacking against yours. Joel was a grunter and wow did it turn you on. His teeth clenched, he moans your name and cusses at the end of it, tossing his head back to keep himself together. 

“I would’ve taken you right on that damn poker table and made you suck my cock in front of them if you woulda kept it up baby. You wanna act like a whore in front of ‘em, I’ll treat you like one. Would you’ve wanted to suck my cock with them watchin’?” He asks, pinching your nipple under his work shirt that was stuck to your body. 

“I would’ve done whatever you wanted, sir. I promise, sir I will do anything for you.”

He growls and bites your earlobe teasingly before licking it and the shell of your ear.

“You’re a crazy little bitch for me aren’t ya?”

“I-I’m so close sir, fuck don’t stop.” You whine and he shoves your head down into the bed, groaning loudly. 

“No baby, bad girls don’t get to cum. You better not or I’ll spank you harder than before. D’you want me to spank you much harder than the last time, angel?” Your body was aching to cum, the mascara you applied hours ago now smeared and running down your cheeks. 

“No, sir.” The tears pricking your eyes as you could feel your orgasm just sitting in your stomach wanting to be released all over Joel’s cock. 

He groans louder and pushes your head down to keep still while he drives his cock balls deep in you, slowing up as he’s bracing himself for the end of his fun. 

Joel gives your ass a few more good smacks and you have to squeeze your legs shut to keep yourself from cumming. He wasn’t fair for making you hold it, he liked seeing you helpless. 

“Gonna fill this little pussy full so you don’t forget who you belong to, you got that?” His hand wraps around your throat as he engulfs you in his arms, fucking you sloppy until he’s panting like a dog in your ear. “Fuck baby doll-fuck- I’m gonna-a cum-ah-fuc-” Joel’s hot stream shoots inside you as he grunts loudly, grabbing a handful of your hair in the midst of fucking his load deep in your hole. 

Your pussy squelches and you can feel your clit just screaming to get some attention, some relief. Joel's breaths regulate once more and he lays there behind you kissing your shoulder and back softly. “Maybe next time you won’t be a brat huh?” He chuckles and gets up to go to the bathroom, wetting a washcloth for you. He cleans you up and your eyes get heavy, sleep creeping up on you. Joel kisses your forehead, whispering in your ear, “Get some rest baby. I’ll be back up soon. Maybe I’ll let you cum then.” 

[joelsbeard]

haha it’s me again, ur writing is srsly addicting you’re never getting rid of me😝

could u mby write some hcs for joel and reader when they’re parents? let’s say they had sarah and she’s in the energetic kiddie stage so they literally never get to fuck anymore because they have to worry about her all the time, so when they do get some alone time they js go crazy with it?

little specific and i’m sorry about that😭😭 js wanted to see what ur thots on this areeee<333

LMAO the pre-outbreak!joel horny gets to all of us!!! I'm also planning on writing some fluffier stuff too with joel, reader, sarah, and ellie as well :)

Joel would be so understanding with not pushing you to do anything you don't want to, especially after giving birth. He tells you he'll wait as long as he needs to until you're ready ❤️ You also can't keep your hands off your man tho lol so you end up waiting ~ 2 months to have sex (doesn't mean you weren't fooling around before tho hehe)

He loved your body before you were pregnant, while you were pregnant, and after giving birth!! He thinks the extra meat on you (lol) and cute little lightning marks are adorable bc it just means you went through all of carrying and growing his baby and giving birth ❤️🥺

And he's always like "you're so beautiful thank you for growing our babies and protecting them for 9 months 🥺"

Obviously once you have sarah you guys are sleep deprived as hell during the little free time you get, but you also enjoy just spending time together as a family of 3 or just having the time to cuddle when she's asleep or if tommy is helping watch her.

Your first time together after giving birth is probably a little nerve wracking but it ends up all just being in your head since you and joel make sure to go slow, and if anything is sore he always stops to check in with you first 🥺

Once you adjust and it starts feeling good you're like "godd, did you get thicker since last time? You feel so fucking big babe🥺😭" and joel almost cums right there hearing you say how big he is 🥵 meanwhile he just laughs and is like "you're too sweet baby. But god you feel so damn tight, I can feel you squeezing my cock, you feel so damn good baby" and bc its been 2 months he's trying his best not to cum in like 5 seconds lol

Joel Miller is a tits man. I mean tbh he loves your tits and your ass, even your tummy and lil toes lol but if he was held at gunpoint and needed to pick one I would think he's a tits man.

He probably went nuts when you were pregnant watching your tits get huge lol, even when sarah's nursing he'll look over and be like "those were mine first little miss, fyi 😠" LOL or he'll always find excuses to stop what he was doing just so he can watch you and look at your tiddies like 😍 😭 men 🙄

Sarah and ellie probably both prefer eating directly from the boob vs bottles lol and whenever it's joels turn to take care of them he tries to give you alone time so you can rest, so when ellie or sarah are hungry and he has to feed them with the bottle and they wrinkle their noses and push his hand away he's like "i know, i'd prefer the real thing too huh babygirl, but you gotta work with me here so mama can get some rest" LMAO

I'm not gonna lie, once you and joel are fully sexually active again after 2 months, since it can be so hard for you to find time together and you also don't wanna leave sarah with someone else yet, when she's dead to the world you probably get a little handsy with each other 😭 you're like, she's only 3 months and she's asleep, she's not gonna be aware of what we're doing 😭. You guys are just too desperate for each other to let that opportunity slide lol. Or sometimes she'll be in her bassinet, her crib, or in her play pen and you and joel will take the baby monitor and go to some part of the house so he can finally rail you 😭

When she's around 3 or 4 and is more independent, you'll have tommy babysit her for a couple of hours at his house or something so you guys can finally get some alone time (thank god for uncle tommy lol) and he knows you two ask him to babysit to give yourselves a little break from running around after her, but also bc he knows yall need some of that alone time lol.

It was hard the first couple of times you had someone else watch sarah (even if its tommy) bc you and joel are such helicopter parents and you're always worried about your lil babygirl lol, but you guys also missed having that time between just the two of you

Joel probably gets a little more handsy with you at home than usual bc with taking care of sarah it's not like you can fuck when you want to, so he just has to settle for giving you more ass grabs and grinding his bulge against your ass like a perv when he hugs you from behind LMAOO

It's not always him that initiates it though, you'll rub your foot up and down his leg sometimes or wiggle your ass on his crotch lol and he'll be like "you think it's funny to tease me like that knowing i can't do anything huh baby? just wait til i get you back for that" but he can never tease you too bad bc he wants you too much and he feels bad sometimes when he makes you beg too much lol

When your milk ducts are clogged you know damn well who's helping you out with them lol. I mean, what can he do it's not like he wants to see his girl in pain 🥺 it's just a bonus that he enjoys helping lol. He's like I ain't no bitch if my girl's in pain imma help her even if it means i have to drink her damn breastmilk lol (not that he even minds it in the first place tho 😭 he basically gets an excuse to suck on your tiddies)

Or sometimes they get so full and sore and you're just like :( "babe my boobs are so sore :(" and joel of course is like 😈 "oh no my poor baby, you want me to hold them for you?" you always say yes lol, and maybe end up fucking oop

It probably turns him on knowing that not only did you carry and grow his baby for 9 months but that even after birth you continue to nurture her from your own body bc women are just amazing like that lol

When Sarah was around 4-5 you guys were full on fucking in the morning and you made the mistake of not locking your door (you were still getting used to having a child living in your house lol) and she ran in bc she wanted to bug you two to ask for breakfast. thank god she doesn't remember it much afterwards (but you and joel do 😳) and you just told her you were having a really big hug before you sent her to her room saying you'd be there in a minute. Poor joel basically went totally soft after that 😭

Other times you'd just make sure she was really focused on playing with her little dolls or watching a movie and you and joel would go to your room to fuck 😭

[citrusrei]

In This Lifetime.

Joel Miller x Reader 18+ MDNI Summary: You might have fallen for a man before the world went to hell. He might have fell for you too. Genre: lil dash of angst maybe, Smut, Fluff TLOU!Universe Word Count: 4.6k Warnings: Pre-Outbreak!Joel, slight violence, smut (piv ~unprotected~, fingering, hand jobs, oral m receiving, creampies ig, vocal dirty joel), age gap (reader is 22, joel is 36) good Ol’ soft Joel, slightly possessive joel (yessir) i kind of combined the game universe and the show universe so it takes place in 2013 but imagine whatever joel u want lol. lemme know if i missed anythingggg

Listen to these as you read~

Pt. 1/2

AN: there is a secondary story to this which i was so torn on whether or not I should keep both parts as one or split them up but here we are. This is just kind of introductory and some back story with the lovely pair. Part 2 is already written so it’ll be up a few days after this one i hope u all enjoy it <3 <3 <3

       “You’re up, Sweetheart.”

You grabbed the pool stick closest to you and walked over to the green-topped table, leaning over it as you looked down the cue’s sights. You were obviously aware of how the tight jean skirt you were wearing rode up slightly as you bent over. You were also very aware of the Miller brother staring directly at it.  

Tommy Miller was a born flirt. You could swear that he came out of the womb talking up the nurses. What you hadn’t noticed was Tommy nudging his older brother's shoulder, quirking his eyebrow and nodding over to the show you were putting on.  

Joel glanced, taking a swig of his miller light and then looking away almost immediately. Tommy chuckled, shaking his head as he made his way over to where you were. You’d missed your shot more than a handful of times and Tommy felt bad. He leaned over your body, hands running up your waist to your arms to guide the shot. Sure enough, the solid 8 ball went right into the hole. You cheered with glee, feeling the effects of your vodka tonic. Tommy wrapped his arms around your waist and smiled down to you, swaying you to some country song on the bars radio.

Joel sighed, grabbing the cue of his own and taking his turn, biting back the bile that worked its way up your throat. He hated how Tommy was so openly flirting with. He was always like that. Joel looked down the cues sights and hit. Of course, he gets it the first try. “You’re really good at this, Joel!” You said, smiling his way. Joel smiled back softly, “Not much to it.” he said humbly.  

“Well, I’m just saying. Way better than I am.”

“Yeah, well it’s your first time, right Sweetheart?” Tommy said, taking the shot in your place.

You nodded, looking at Joel again. He stared back almost shamelessly. It was always like this. The stares, the looks, the glances. The few shared words, always cordial and tamed. Joel had to have known you were into him. Who wouldn’t be? He was tall, handsome, and that slight southern drawl? Good lord. But he was also polite, and funny at times. You loved the banter between the two Miller brothers. They were quite literally opposites of each other.

You’d known the both of them for a while. You had met Tommy first at this very bar about a year ago. He’d just gotten back after being deployed for a few years and needed to wind down after time away in a foreign country. And there you were.

You were drunk that night as you and your best friends danced and sang (quite badly) to Shania Twains ‘Man I Feel Like a Woman’. What could you say? It was a guilty pleasure.

He’d been watching you for a while. Watching you laugh with your friends and reject the men who came up to you, trying their luck. He couldn’t help but introduce himself when you walked up to the bar he sat at and ordered another drink. You weren’t interested at first, but he was charming. He’d gotten your phone number fairly quick as he fed you compliments that had your cheeks blushing and your tummy tingling. You probably would have gone home with him that night had your friend Holly not gotten sick from all the sex on the beach’s she was slamming back.

A few days later he texted you, asking if you’d like to meet him at that bar. You agreed. You met up with him for drinks a few more times and then one night he asked if his brother could tag along. Another Miller? You’d already taken a liking to Tommy so you were excited to meet another one. The night you met Joel, he was so quiet and kind of brooding, you almost didn’t like him. That’s until Tommy got a little too tipsy and saw a woman he used to mess around with back in the day and left early with her.

You think Joel felt a little bad for you that night.  You weren’t too upset about it honestly. Yeah, you thought Tommy was hot but after hanging out with him so much, you only saw him as a friend. 

You and Joel actually hit it off after Tommy left. You found he was easy to talk to, which could have also been the liquid courage he’d been drinking. You learned a bit about him as the night progressed. You found out he was quite a bit older than you, you being 22 at the time. He was about 14 years older. Not that you minded. If you were honest, you’d always thought older men were sexy. He was a Father to a teenage girl, name Sarah. The light of his life. He worked as a carpenter which was also added to the appeal. He was good with his hands.  

You talked a bit about yourself. How you had a sister who was younger than you. You bonded over both being the oldest child. You’d just gotten your associates in teaching, your goal to be a preschool teacher someday. He found it admirable. You started laughing when he drunkenly brought up how teachers should be paid more and how he’d always had a crush on Sarah’s 3rd grade teacher.

“You have a nice laugh... It reminds me of wind chimes.” He spoke, almost dreamily. Like he was entranced.  

“Wind... chimes? Is that a good thing?” You said faking offense.

He nodded, sipping on his glass of whiskey, “Very good... it’s pretty to the ears.”

You laughed again, realizing Joel had no idea what he was even talking about. Joel put his hand on your thigh, gripping it lightly. Your heart rate picked up; you had drunk too much to even process anything at this point. “You’re real pretty too. Tommy can’t even see what he has in front of him.” You blinked back confusion as you tried to follow what he was saying.

“Tommy? I think that boat has sailed. He’s a friend. Nothing more.” You said, finishing off your fruity little cocktail. Joel perked up a bit, looking at you a moment before looking back down to his almost empty glass.

“Well, there has to be someone, right? Lil’ thing like you should have no trouble bringing home whoever you want to.”

You laughed for what felt like the 50th time, “I mean, is it hard? No. But... I’m kind of picky. I don’t like just anyone.” Joel stayed silent a moment, letting his hand rest on your leg. His touch seared a handprint to it, you were sure. Your stomach was going crazy and you didn’t know if it was because of him or the alcohol.  

To test the waters a bit more, you continued, “There is someone I think is alright.” You placed your hand on top of Joel’s, dragging it further up your thigh. His eyes watched intently, breathing heavily as it traveled from right above your knee, to your inner thigh and almost under your skirt before he pulled it back to his lap and cleared his throat. You sighed, flustered. You were hoping he’d get the hint but suddenly clarity ran through you and you realized you were both too inebriated to go further. If you were going to ever fuck Joel Miller, it wasn’t going to be drunk. At least for the first time.

“We should call it a night. The room is about to start spinning for me and I’m not fixin’ to throw up tonight.” You joked, trying to lighten the mood. Joel nodded, getting up from his chair. “I’ll call us some taxis.”

After that night, there was nothing you wanted more than for Joel to take you home and fuck you senseless. You couldn’t help it. Something in the way he wore his basic-colored tees and sipped from his drinks or even acknowledged what you said by his little grunts. He was big and muscly but not too much. You were smitten. Plus, you’d never forgotten how his strong hand rubbed up your thigh which added so much fuel to the fire. It was like a little sneak peek of what was to come. Or what you wish would come... or who.

“Alright, I need another drink. Anyone else?” Tommy said, ignoring the blatant stares between you and Joel, or if he noticed, he didn’t care. You kind of had the feeling he’s been waiting for the day you and Joel finally just got it over with.

“I’m okay.” You replied. Joel passed on another drink as well and took his turn, sinking another ball in the gutter.

“How’s Sarah doing?” Joel’s ears perked up at the sound of his daughter's name being said.

“She’s doing good. Has a big math test coming up she’s been studying for. Haven’t seen her much.” You nodded, subconsciously moving closer to the man taking another shot and sinking it. There was a moment of silence between the two of you. It wasn’t awkward or anything, but you did wish he’d say something.  

“What about you? Got anything goin’ on?” He asked, a moment later.

“Not much. Going back to school soon. Start that teaching assistant job soon too, so that’ll be fun.” Joel smiled to you and opened his mouth to say something when suddenly the sound of yelling and glasses breaking could be heard from the bar.

“Fuck you, you redneck piece of shit!” You could hear Tommy yelling as he swung at a rather large man next to him at the bar.  

Your eyes widened as you looked to Joel who was already throwing his pool cue to the table and running over to his brother.

“Hey! What the fuck is going on?” Joel yelled, pulling Tommy back by the fabric of his shirt.

“This prick has no fucking manners is what’s going on!” Tommy yelled, “He said some shit about her!” Pointing to you.

Joel’s eyes flicked to the man in question, his mood changing instantly. He was pissed. “What the fuck did you say?”

The man in front of them laughed as you weaved through the crowd to reach the brothers. You stood back, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire in case anything broke out.

The burly man chuckled, a slimy sound escaping from his throat as he repeated himself.

“I said I’d love to take a little slut like that home so she can ch-” He couldn’t even finish his sentence before Joel swung on the man. He hit him so hard you could hear the crack of his jaw and he was out instantly.

“Joel!” You yelped, standing there, eyes wide open as you watched the man fall from the bar stool to the wood floor of the bar. Joel turned around, his hard eyes softening as he saw your expression. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” He hushed; his words quick.

You followed Joel and Tommy out of the bar and on to the busy sidewalk. People stared as you three rushed out, slightly out of breath. The two men conversed with each other a moment before they turned back to you.

“You want me to take you home?” Joel asked. You nodded instantly, feeling the chill in the air as you hugged yourself.

The ride home was quiet. Your adrenaline was pumping and you felt antsy in your seat. You glanced around the truck and noticed Joel’s knuckles were bleeding. You sighed, “Joel... your hand.”

Joel glanced down to his hand and laughed bitterly, “Man got what he deserved. Fuck.”  

After he said that, the rest of the drive was silent. You could hear Joel breathing heavily in the driver's seat, still coming down from the high of breaking a man's jaw. As you pulled up to your apartment, you looked at him, “Do you want to come in? We should look at that hand of yours.”

He agreed and followed you inside. You sat Joel down on the toilet as you kneeled in front of him, dabbing his knuckles with a wet washcloth. He winced a few times and you backed off a moment before continuing. After wiping the dried blood and applying some ointment and bandages, you looked up to Joel to thank him. He shook his head, smiling lightly, “Don’t worry about it. Like I said... he deserved it. Makes my blood boil just thinkin’ about it.”

You subconsciously started tapping his knee as you were still kneeling before him. “Either way... I appreciate it. Is it bad that I was kind of curious as to what he was going to say?”

A quick breath left Joel’s mouth as he studied your wound work, “I think I wouldn’t have stopped had I let him finish.” His voice was deep and serious. It sent chills down your spine. You don’t doubt that he wouldn’t have stopped. The protectiveness of the Miller family is unmatched. It gave you butterflies to know you have someone who would stick up for you like that.

A moment of quietness passed before Joel spoke, changing the subject.

“Do you remember that night a few months ago at the bar? The night Tommy ditched us?”

You smiled, rising to your feet to wash your hands. “Of course, I do. Although, I’m not sure how. I was pretty wasted that night.” Joel smiled too, recalling it.  

“That night,” he began, “When you said there was someone you thought was ‘alright’... Ah, never mind.”

You finished washing your hands and looked at Joel, “I meant you.”

His head snapped to meet your gaze. He already knew the answer but hearing it out loud meant it was real and not just him lost in his thoughts, fantasizing. Hoping he was the one you were talking about. He felt kind of silly. Being his big age, having a crush on a younger woman, and acting like a kid about it. He didn’t know why he didn’t just go up and ask, or flirt back more. Hell, all the times you’d flaunt your body with the short skirts, or the low-cut tops showing just the right amount of cleavage, or even more.  Or all the times you’d run your hand across his back and smile at him, eyes twinkling with a something a bit more than being friendly. Joel knew. He knew you were into him and he never said anything. Maybe some banter back if he was drinking enough, but nothing else.  

And that night at the bar. You leading his hand up your skirt sent Joel into a panic. He was so close to something and he pulled away. Why? Joel knew he was handsome; he had a charm to him. He wasn’t inexperienced or desperate but you made him nervous. He’d been on a couple of dates since his divorce but with raising a teenage daughter and his business with Tommy, they were far and few. And here you were. Beautiful, funny, nice and laughing at his dad jokes? What a catch you were.

“Does that surprise you?” You remarked, “I thought I was bit obvious.”  

Joel came to and started laughing lightly, “I guess I am a bit surprised.” He stood up and walked to you, confidence finding him more and more every second that passed. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you flushed against his body. “I should have kept going that night. You got me curious.”

Your eyebrow quirked up to the older man, “Oh yeah? Curious about what?”

“About what exactly you wanted to show me under that skirt of yours that night. I’ve been thinking about it almost every night when I’m home... only one awake. It’s been driving me kind of crazy if I’m being honest with you.” He said breathlessly, the dirty talk already affecting him.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as he held you, telling you he’d been thinking of you, probably touching himself every night. Little did he know you were doing the same. The memory of his hand being inches from where you wanted him most that night could send you into a frenzy.  

Joel leaned into you, hovering over your mouth. You could feel his breath fan across your lips. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, his hand working its way up from your waist, over the swell of your breast, to your neck. “You don’t even have to ask.” You said, closing the distance between the two of you. Joel kissed you back desperately. Like he’d been waiting for this for a lifetime. He was handsy and unorganized in the way he roamed your body, grabbing where he could as if you’d float away. His hands flew under your top, pawing at the skin of your tummy and further to your lacy bra.

The kiss deepened as Joel’s tongue entered your mouth. He tasted like the liquor he’d been drinking and it was intoxicating. You couldn’t get enough. You sucked on his tongue as his hands went behind you, unclasping the bra under your shirt. “Take both off.” He demanded, breaking away from the sloppy kiss. Your hands left his body as you rid yourself of everything on top, hands flying down to shimmy out of the jean skirt you were wearing too. Joel followed in suit, shedding his flannel and grey tee underneath. He was so toned, your mouth watered at the sight. His skin was tanned from working in the sun, muscles peeking through. You grabbed him again, pulling him back to you as you peppered little kisses across his chest to his neck, sucking and biting at the sensitive flesh. Joel groaned, sending a wave of pleasure down to your pussy. You could feel your cunt gush as you clenched around nothing. You couldn’t help but moan back as Joel grunted in your ear. His hands behind you again, running down the length of your back and settling on your ass, giving it a squeeze. He pulled you into him again. You could feel the hardness of his length poking you through the jeans he had on. Your hands dropped from his arms to the zipper of his jeans, shakily trying to rid him of them. You got frustrated and pushed Joel to the sink, dropping to your knees before him, finally unzipping his pants and palming him over his underwear. “Fuck... what a pretty sight this is.”

You looked up at him through your eyelashes as you grinned innocently, reaching for his cock in his boxers. “Want you in my mouth. Can I?” You asked, freeing his needy length. The tip was red and leaking already. You craved it just from the sight.

“Wanna suck my cock, baby girl?” You nodded, stroking his dick up and down slowly, teasing him a bit. “Let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours.”

You took Joel in between your lips, finally tasting the salty liquid that leaked from his tip. It was ecstasy. You felt feral. Already addicted to the taste of this man you’ve been pining for for months. “Ah, fuck. Feel’s so f-fucking nice, baby. Suck me off.” Joel’s dirty words went straight to your cunt which was dripping by now. Your panties stuck to you uncomfortably and all you wanted to do was have him rip them off you. You continued your ministries on his dick, bobbing your head up and down along the shaft, taking breaks to suck his on his balls. Sloppy, wet noises you’d normally be embarrassed of echoing in the room only dampening your panties further. Joel loved it. He was a mess in your hands as he moaned and grunted, weaving his fingers through your hair as he pushed you lower on to his cock. “Take me so well, mm- fuck. Such a good girl.” Joel hissed through gritted teeth. Your free hand flew to your underwear, rubbing the swollen bud, feverishly. Relief flooding through you as you finally got some contact. Joel noticed and pulled you from his shaft to your feet, kissing you hungrily. He could taste himself on your tongue as he sucked on it. His hand replaced yours in your panties, his finger rubbing small but intense circles on your clit.  

“Fuck, J-Joel.” You moaned into his open mouth, bucking your hips into him.  

“Is baby girl getting desperate? Need something more?” he asked, grabbing your jaw to make you look at him.  

“Yes, please. N-Need you in me.” You begged. Joel smiled, kissing you again. He continued the kiss a moment, slowing his rhythm on your needy bud. “Say please for me again, darling.” You whined, rolling your hips against Joel’s fore finger for just a bit more friction.  

“Joel, please fuck me.” Joel grinned against your lips as he removed his hand from your underwear and grabbed your wrist, leading you to your room. Once in it, Joel removed the rest of his clothes, stroking his hard cock a few times. “On the bed.” He demanded. You were instantly on mattress, freshly made this morning about to be wrecked. You shimmied out of your panties, throwing them to the side. You spread your legs as you laid against your headboard, showing Joel how wet you truly were. Your fingers slid from your breast downwards past your stomach to your slick, rubbing your clit slowly as Joel watched you. He watched with hungry eyes, literally on the edge of imploding if he wasn’t inside of you within the next 30 seconds. Joel crawled on to the bed, grabbing your legs and pulling you to where he was. “You’re so fucking pretty. So. Pretty.” He said, slapping his heavy cock against the place you needed him the most. You moaned, your head falling back against the pillow underneath you. “Please. Put it in. Please, please.” Joel breathed out a breathy laugh, running his tip between the lips of your pussy, coating his length in yourself.  

“Been wantin’ this for a long time, baby girl.” He said, leaning down to kiss you once more. “Are you ready?” You nodded, feeling as though you were being tortured. Joel guided himself into you with a grunt. He pushed himself past your walls, cursing under his breath, finally feeling your warmth. “f-fuck...” he sobbed out, breath whooshing from his lungs. This was affecting him as much or maybe even more than you. “So fucking nice. Better than I could have imagined.”  

You moaned again, wrapping your arms around Joel as he began fucking into you. He started at a good pace, taking his time with his thrusts. Your legs linked around him, drawing him in closer. Joel could feel it, just how deep he was in you. It drove him mad. His movements stuttered as he repositioned himself in you, picking up speed. Each thrust hit that spongey part inside, causing you to see white hot spots, “fuck, Joel! I’m so close.” You cried out, gripping the back of his neck to hold yourself still.

Joel moaned, thrusting faster now, “Me too, baby girl. Fuck... S-So fucking close.” He grabbed your legs from him, spreading them further apart as he fucked you senselessly. A few more of those thrusts and you were coming undone, his name spilling from your lips over and over again like a broken record. Pressure built in the pit of your stomach and exploded. Your mind went blank and you could only focus on the sensation of his big cock stretching you out so fucking perfectly. “Yes, darlin’. Come for me. Come on my dick.” Joel grunted. His pattern stuttered again and slowed; he was coming too.  “Take it baby girl. Take my cum. It’s all for you.” Joel winced; his jaw tight as he reached his climax right after you. Ropes of his hot cum coated your walls and you squirmed underneath him, loving the feeling. Joel pumped a few more measly thrusts into your cunt before his softened length fell out, leaving the cum to leak from your empty hole. You clenched around nothing as Joel looked down to you, admiring his work. Both of you were covered in a layer of sweat, exhausted.  

Joel fell next to you on your bed, reaching for you and pulling you to his chest. You could hear his heart beat slow down as well as his breathing. It comforted you. You felt so at ease right now, you could have knocked out. Joel brought a hand to your head, petting over your hair. Your eyes closed and you were on the verge of sleep right when Joel spoke, “You okay?” All you could do was nod on his chest, breathing out a sigh of content. Joel chuckled, wrapping both of his arms around you and covering you with your duvet. “I’ll take that as a, yes?”

“Yes. I’m perfect.” You smiled, kissing his collarbone. Joel smiled too, his heart rate picking back up at the little sign of affection. Not many words were said after everything was said and done. You both ended up passing out for a few hours, not waking up until it was nearly 3 in the morning. Joel woke up before you did, stirring under you as you still laid upon his chest.

“Baby... what time is it?” He groaned, feeling you move from him. You leaned over the bed to get a good look at your clock, eyes still full of sleep. “It’s 3:12.” You replied as you yawned, moving back to Joel to curl up in his warmth. Joel rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the grogginess. “I should get going. Sarah is probably worried sick.” He sighed, “forgot to text her.”

You breathed out a long whine, not wanting him to move from your bed, but you understood. You sat up, stretching lightly as you watched Joel slide his jeans back on. “Fine, I won’t be selfish.” You said playfully. Joel leaned over, kissing you lightly, pecking you in sequences. He didn’t want to leave either. But he knew Sarah would probably send a search party for him if he weren’t home when she woke up.

“Text me when you get home, Miller.” He nodded, returning to your room after retrieving his shirt and flannel from where you two started this whole ordeal. “Here. Maybe this will keep ya warm in place of me tonight.” He said, throwing you the plaid garment. You slid it on immediately, buttoning up the few bottom buttons. Joel was standing at the door as you got comfy under your covers again, sleep calling back to you. Your bed reeked of Joel and now with his flannel on too? You’d died and gone to heaven.

“I will text you. Doin’ anything tomorrow?” He questioned.

“Yeah, you.” You replied, eyes closed as you snuggled into your pillow. Joel let out a breathy laugh, “That’s a promise, baby girl.”

Joel left and sure enough texted you when he got home. Which you didn’t see until you woke up many hours later. He had said Sarah was up waiting for him, how she chewed his ear off.  

Over the next few days and weeks, you were attached to his hip. Spending quite literally 24/7 with each other most days. Little dates sprinkled in here and there. Picnics on the weekends, movies with quickies in the theater if it was empty. Dinner dates with not just you but the family. Your mom loved Joel sometimes maybe too much. He thought it was endearing. You had met Sarah who was a huge fan of yours and vice versa. You loved it. You might have even loved Joel, and he might have even loved you. But soon you’d find out, that that was maybe something you’d never get to know.

thank u all sm for reading and I genuinely hope you all liked it <3 I haven’t created anything like this in so long so it might be a lil rusty. Just wait for part 2 though cause i love it so much lol

likes and reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed <3

[spookykoolkat]

the red j.m | chapter two

CHAPTER TWO: HELL ABOVE

series masterlist | main masterlist

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pairings: older!joel miller x plus sized!younger!reader

chapter summary: it's week one staying jackson with none other than joel miller himself, and it's nerve wracking. in a new town, with new people, and living under the roof of the most intolerable man ever—you struggle to feel comfortable, to feel like you belonged. joel doesn't make it easier on you either.

warnings: mean joel, mentions of death, grief, loneliness, and mentions of su*cidal ideation and attempt.

wc: 4k-ish

na: this is like the slowest burn i've ever done BUT I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS 🖤 the next chapter will be out soon but omg tysm for all the love i enjoy every comment i get and feel so warm when i get reblogs i love u guys i promise SMUT soon!!! heehhehehe they're just stubborn these characters 🤦🏻‍♀️

YOU

november 20th, 2024.

it was your first week staying in jackson, under joel’s watch. maria decided it was best you had people around you while you were here, and it seemed like the person you could tolerate the most was joel.

they were wrong unfortunately. even after your breakdown in the infirmary, you wanted nothing to do with joel or anyone here. still, you were so adamant on being alone. without wanting to admit it, you knew you had demons that were bigger than the people around you. every time you went down, you dragged people down with you. now you’re expected to live in a community with good people that want to help?

joel wasn’t too happy either, fighting with his brother about the fact that whether he liked it or not, he could talk some sense into you regardless. he already had ellie to watch for, to take care of, now he has to babysit you. it wasn’t that he hated you, he hated the fact that you and him were too much alike. he hated the fact that he wanted to leave you there first. not only that, but ellie took a strong favor to you. He was barely getting used to having ellie in his life, and now there’s another body walking around the empty house.

maybe the universe played into your favor when you found out joel lived with a small girl, ellie. you assumed if joel of all people could have a daughter and be a father, there was some good in his heart. but you knew it only extended for her and his brother. you knew joel was just as dark souled as you, maybe even more.

you walked behind joel passing the buildings, homes, and people as they build and construct around the area. you were nervous, as joel nodded towards tommy who was standing on a tall platform.

“tommy ain’t putting you on patrol for a while, not sure they can trust you with a gun,” joel said as he took a suitcase filled with essentials that maria packed for you a few days after she made sure you were a little more clear headed.

he finally stopped in front of a two story house that looked like it had wear and tear, but you saw the small fix ups that were patched up or replaced on the house, like how the gutter’s not matching the same shade. the entire neighborhood was painted in snow though, everything was frozen while there were some small christmas decorations people found. it felt real to you, safe.

“guess i’ll just get bit by those fuckers if they find a way in,” you rolled your eyes as you gripped the cuffs of your black sweater.

“or killed by raiders or something, you know, shit like that.” you couldn’t help yourself, it was coming out before you could stop and joel just gave you a hard look. but you knew he knew you were right, which is why he shut up and led you into the house.

the two of you walked inside and you took in the scent of coffee and smoke. smelled better than rotting flesh. it was a rustic home, dark and near gothic, but something you’d see in a movie about vampires maybe. you liked it. it felt warm and safe, inviting but with an edge.

“it’s okay you can borrow one of mine,” a girl said coming from the back hall, hair tugged into a ponytail and wearing a long sleeve shirt with jeans. ellie heard the bickers from the window, and decided to take it upon herself to save you. you smiled at the girl, assuming this is the ellie joel mentioned.

“no, ellie, i mean it,” joel demanded, grabbing your new belongings and dragging it upstairs.

“i’m ellie, are you the girl they found? said you almost died,” ellie said nonchalantly and your lips quirked up into a small smile, heart warming at the young girl. something was a little off though, you could sense a small unwavering tension between the girl and joel.

“i am the girl they found,” you said and introduced yourself, a hand reaching for hers.

ellie doesn’t take long to show you around the very rustic house with intricate detailing on the trim, a fireplace in the average sized library, the only two bathrooms in the house and the backyard patio as well. ellie also makes it known that half of the things that seemed like they were here before, weren’t and it was joel who rebuilt the roof and the patio outside. also noted that joel is the one who cuts their firewood even though she’s insisted she can do it.

“he doesn’t trust me with much but, i find my way,” ellie smiles and you smiled with her.

“you and me both.”

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you settled in your room, not too small but you weren’t really in the mood to care where you were. as long as you had a bed, a toilet, and a fan. which you did. it didn’t take you long to rummage through your backpack for the walkman that maria fixed, sliding in the cassette and listening through the dainty headphones. it was etta james, your mother’s collection of music that you managed to steal on your way out of your childhood home.

you thought about your mom a lot. your family of course, but your mom the most. you were the only child, and when everything happened your mother protected you with her life. your father took the manly duties of hunting and looking for things you needed to survive, trading, leading the two of you to the QZ just to be somewhere that was safe.

but it wasn’t safe. and your mother knew it. arguments would erupt about it, your mother wanted to leave but your father didn’t. you didn’t know who was right. you didn’t know how to survive on your own, you weren’t ready to lose your parents.

you just stared, your eyes drying up from the lack of blinking. you were too deep in thought when joel knocked on your bedroom door, not getting a response and it worried him. he walked in slowly announcing himself so that if you would know, but still nothing.

you didn’t even notice joel standing in your room, waving his hand trying to get your attention.

“jesus, what the fuck?” you said slipping off the headphones as you sit on the edge of your bed.

“we’re all goin’ to the diner for dinner, so come down,” he said and you shook your head.

“i’m good here, thanks,” you said and he scoffed.

“you ain’t got a choice.” you rolled your eyes and huffed, looking down at your feet. you felt like a fucking kid.

you just wanted to sleep, you wanted to stay holed up in this room until you figure out where you’ll go after this. you knew you didn’t want to stay too long here. you stayed quiet as you walked downstairs, and you stayed quiet on the way out of the house and into the small neighborhood of houses. lights hung over the area, snow fell down slower to you here for some reason, and you heard the unbothered chatter and laughter throughout the street. it was strange.

everyone called it the diner, but really it was like just a dinner hall. a place where food was served for breakfast, lunch and dinner and occasional snacks like nuts and berries. it sufficed, and it was the best reminder of what it was like being a civilized community. you just couldn’t help but feel so out of place, so unwanted. you knew tommy and maria wanted you to stay, but joel was a little hard to get used to. It’s not like you haven’t been unwanted before, you just didn’t know why it felt so different coming from a man like joel.

joel and ellie were in front of you chatting about his new patrol route, and when’s the soonest she can start settling into her own. he says something about her being too young to be put in classes for it right now, and you absentmindedly laughed at it.

“somethin’ funny back there?” joel said, turning his head to you quickly before looking back to the buildings passing by.

“no such thing as being too young in this world. she’ll learn sooner or later, hell she probably already knows.” you said matter of factly and he looked at ellie, then looked at you and stopped. you almost ran into his back before you stopped yourself.

“ellie, go on inside tell tommy we’ll be there in just a minute,” a part of you wanted to ask what part of texas he was from, maybe you were from there too. his southern accent was one of few, including yours.

you looked at ellie and she put her lips into a thin line, looking a little apologetic before leaving to walk a few more steps and into a brightly lit cafeteria.

“if you’re gonna be stayin’ with us, i don’t want none of this shit. just because you had it rough being a kid in this world don’t mean she’s got to.” he said firmly, pointing slightly in the direction of ellie. you furrow your brows, looking at the snow past him.

“i’d rather my kid know how to protect herself in case this little bullshit fantasy world you got here turns to shit.” you spit and looked back at him. he was almost fuming now. you could see the heat rise to his cheeks as he clenched his jaw.

“she ain’t my kid, and it ain't up to you.” he said, stepping back from you.

“i don’t care if she was your sister, everyone needs to know how to protect themselves. especially a little girl like that. even if you do have a safe world here in this little town, there are still evil fuckin’ people.” you argued and tried to walk past him, but he lightly gripped your arm.

“look, just, keep it to yourself a’right? she’s got enough goin on, don't need you in her ear makin’ shit worse for her.” he said coldly, making you wanted to back away from him and retreat.

“of course, because i’m the one you need to worry about, get off of me,” you said and looked away, snatching your arm away from him and walking into the diner without him.

you didn’t know how to feel about joel and this new arrangement. a part of you was taking it out on him when in most people’s eyes, he’s trying to help you. it just didn’t feel like help coming from him. it felt like it was his obligation, he had to, and if it was up to him you’d be frozen food for animals wandering around the commune.

and he made it fucking hard to like him or feel grateful. it feels like you got stuck with the asshole neighbor to babysit you, in fact that’s basically what it is.

it was a large place, chairs and tables put in rows while leaving a walkway to the line for food. you spotted tommy, maria and ellie sitting at a long table with a few other people, and your tummy churned. you hadn’t been around other people in a long time, not like this. maybe since you were a kid, other than that you walked around and hid and fought by yourself, or you had someone and they didn’t make it. you always ended up alone, in every scenario.

“c’mon,” his gruff voice said behind you, ghosting his hand over your back to guide you to the table. you jerked away from his hand, and he noticed. he pulled his hand back quickly and created a distance between the two of you.

“this is too much,” you breathe as you slowly walk to the table with him still behind you.

“you gonna stand there and panic or what?” he taunted and you huffed. fucking asshole.

the anxiety bubbled up within you again, realizing you haven’t been around this many people in a long time. but you were here, there was no going back. you kept walking and finally reached the table where they looked like they were waiting for you two. tommy and maria gave you a smile and you returned one back, going to sit next to ellie while joel sat in front of you, next to tommy.

“how’d you settle in?” maria asked, hand on her belly with the other entangled in tommy’s.

“fine,” you said and looked at her, “thank you for the suitcase, by the way. i appreciate it.”

it was genuine. you did appreciate it because only god knows you needed more tampons and underwear. fuck, just basic hygienic items. you were more than grateful, but still weary. you felt on high alert, honestly the right term was paranoid. and everyone saw it.

you were practically hugging yourself tight in the chair, almost fearful for someone to come close. joel saw it too.

“of course, anything you need you let me know, and tommy or joel,” maria said and smiled as she got up, leading tommy to stand as well. you weren’t sure how reliable joel would be to you, but you just nodded anyways.

“let’s eat, yeah?” she said and before anyone else could stand, ellie stood and immediately walked into the line to get a plate. you followed after tommy and maria, and joel followed you. he just kept watch on you. nervous and like you, paranoid.

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“so, where are you from?” ellie asked as she dug into the mashed potatoes, stuffing it in her mouth.

“ellie,” joel warns and she looked at him, defeated.

“what? i just wanna know, she sounds like you,” she observed and maria smiled at ellie’s usual behavior.

“i’m uh, from texas. i was born in el paso but moved to austin when i was 3.” you responded. you figured it didn’t do any harm, if anything maybe it’s best the people that are letting you stay with them know who you are and where you’re from.

you noticed the shared glances between joel and tommy, then looked back down at your plate to poke at the broccoli.

“that’s weird, joel and tommy are from austin too,” ellie pointed out and joel looked at ellie hard, a second warning.

“how did you and ellie find each other, joel?” you asked, a little comfortable to ask your own questions. tommy looks at you with a look you can’t necessarily decipher and begins to open his mouth before joel talks first.

“mission gone wrong. ended up back here afterwards, bout a year ago.” he said curtly and you nodded, eating your dinner. he wasn't one for talking, and neither were you, but he seemed so irritated by your new presence.

you noticed the shared look between joel and ellie. it was unsure, weary.

more conversations erupt afterwards, tommy going into how maria’s appointment went and occasionally saying hi to those who pass by with their plates. you don’t pay much attention unfortunately, you kind of stay in your own mind after mentioning where you lived.

you were still sitting next to ellie, and maria sat on the other side of ellie, tommy sat in front of maria and joel sat in front of ellie. you felt a little emptiness as you realized you didn’t have much to say when thinking about when it all happened. it’s like you can’t move on, like you can’t get your mind around it.

you wished you could move on and accept the small beauties in this life, admire the new growth of plants and grass, enjoy the christmas like feel of the town in the snow, accept that there’s people wanting to help you. it felt too good to believe, so you were hesitant.

you felt joel’s eyes on you most of the night, flickering between you and ellie as the night fell longer. you wanted to ask him why he was looking at you so much, why he was so tense and angry looking. maybe that’s just how he looked.

it wasn’t long before everyone parted ways and maria pulled you to the side before leaving.

“how are you holding up? is joel treating you okay?” she asked and you stuffed your hands in the pocket of your black jacket.

“i’m okay, joel’s fine. not the most cheerful man but who is?” you said and gave a small smile, watching maria watch you. you were lying, and she could tell so she gave you a small pat on the arm. you flinched away from the touch but she still did it anywaye.

“if you want, and if you’ll stay, i can let you take patrol classes to be out there again next month. if i can trust you.” she said and you looked at joel who was talking to ellie, waiting for you.

“is it worth it?” you asked her, expecting her to know what you mean. “like, going back out there. finding other places. is it worth it?”

she thought about it a little. “only if you want to be alone.”

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you thought about it on the way back to your new living space. did you want to be alone? was it worth being alone? you didn’t know and as you sulked on your bed, looking outside of the window directly across from you, you wondered what your life would’ve looked like if the world never ended.

to you, it ended. you wanted to believe it was judgment day rather than an incurable fungus. maybe it was god, the universe, maybe it was meant to happen.

but how? babies, kids, teens, mothers, fathers—dead and gone and for what? you were so angry at the world still. so angry for losing, so angry for being powerless in all of this. maybe the world would suck less with someone in your life. maybe if you had something to fight for, like joel said, it’d make more sense.

another knock on your door and without moving, you murmur a small come in. joel walked through the threshold, letting the door stay open a crack as he sits on the ottoman pressed against the wall of the window.

“you feelin’ better?” he choked out slightly, looking at you. he looked like he was almost pushed in here by someone, forced to say things he didn't want to say. maybe it was ellie who told him to check on you.

“are you asking if i still wanna kill myself?” you asked, leaning against the bed frame at the end of your bed.

“no, i don’t.” you said, referring to both questions. joel waited a bit before he responded.

“being angry all the time ain’t changin’ nothing you know that right? spending your days mad at the world, it’s still gonna be the same tomorrow and the next day.” this was his way of comforting, kind of stating the obvious.

“being that angry is just gonna kill ya,”

but he was so cold it was like trying to get a hug from a cactus. you eyed him, wondering if those are the words he should choose right now. you didn’t take him for a happy man.

“when you left austin, you were angry right? angry at the world?” you asked, looking at the wooden floor.

“yes, but-” he began but you cut him off. you weren’t letting him win this.

“and how old were you?” you asked. he knew where you were going with this. he knew it wasn’t the same.

“you had time to process it. you had the chance to be angry when all of this shit first happened. i was five, joel. i didn’t have time to be a kid, i didn’t have time to be angry then. i didn’t know what the fuck was happening. until everyone around me died,” you paused and looked at him. his gaze was still hard but he looked like he was thinking.

“i was her age when everyone around me died, and i had to be on my own. and i’ve had people in my life after. not all of them good. i’ve been hurt, violated–i didn’t have a protector like she did. does. i know everyone has their sob story. i’m allowed to be angry.” you finished and sighed, rubbing your forehead.

you didn’t know what else to say. you were just so angry, now at him.

“i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve that, you know. you should’ve, y’know, been able to be a kid.” this wasn’t his thing. you could tell. but he was trying, and he really didnt know what to say either.

“yeah,” you agreed and finally acknowledged that it was just him and you in this room. the silence made it too obvious, and you kind of pulled your body into yourself.

“i’m gonna get some sleep, be best if you do too,” his southern accent sounded thick, sounded so sharp that you felt like you could listen to it for hours. you always enjoyed the southern twang of your own accent, but hearing his felt different.

“should i stay, joel? would you leave, if you were me?” you asked before he grabbed the handle after standing up, and he turned to look at you.

“i don’t know,” he said. he wasn’t going to be the blame for you making a mistake that you regretted. he wasn't going to be anything more than a provider while you were under his watch, he wasn’t someone to give advice.

“goodnight, joel.” you said coldly, moving off the bed and crawling into the covers. he stepped out of your new room, saying nothing. you wanted to cry. everything was so cold around you, so uncomfortable.

you were confused. and you were alone, at that. your loneliness never felt like this before, and it hurt. you missed your mother, you missed your father. you missed normalcy, you missed not having to fight for yourself 24/7. you were tired and joel was humbling you. he was waking you up to reality, that nobody will be there for you other than yourself.

he was showing you that not everybody cares about sob stories. if your pain outweighed another person’s pain. he was showing you that you only have yourself in the end, to depend on and fight for.

a part of him did want you to stay. he knew all too well what the world held for you outside of these walls. he knew you'd get yourself killed out there, and for some reason he felt too guilty to not encourage you to stay. he wanted to somehow keep you safe too, even if it’s not him doing it. but a part of him wondered if he had to keep you safe from yourself, if you were the biggest threat to your own safety—or if he was.

you knew what the world held for you too. absolutely nothing. you felt like you were living in hell. it held nothing for you, nothing but constantly battling to fight for your survival. it felt like hell because it seemed like your worst days were on repeat, replaying for you to relive it all over again. your days felt the same. still not a day went by without having some sort of blood shed.

constantly being paranoid, wondering if there was someone in the darkness of the woods watching you like prey. you hadn't known peace for such a long time, and here it was in the guise of a bitter old man with a pretend daughter.

he didn’t know how long it’d be before he was the reason you were hurt, lost, or worse.

there were things you didn’t know, things he didn’t want you to know and if you did, you’d flee again. as you should. he was a monster. but he was scared, and he’s been scared since ellie came into his life.

he was feeling it again. the attachment, the tugging at his heart and lungs. seeing you, he was uneasy again. he was worried if he’d be the reason for things going wrong after deciding to stay. he didn’t know if it was the best thing, to trust him.

he didn’t know if it was the best thing to trust you.

[alexiskk]

the prompt with the guitar soemone sent in was adorable - i have another? maybe joel and ellie are playing boggle and ellie is winning by far and bragging and then eventually joel sees the word 'tickle' and ellie gets all nervous and he tickles her as revenge for winning ?

ANON THIS PROMPT IS EVERYTHING TO ME. i had sm fun with it and as always i get very carried away, pretty sure this is my longest fic yet lol

ALSO i literally had to look up the rules of Boggle bc I had never played so if you haven’t either I would maybe watch like a minute tutorial vid on yt just so you get the premise.

here is the one i watched!

https://youtu.be/BJAdXnGAb7k

that’s it enjoy🫶🫶🫶

tw: very mild underage drinking, swearing, lots of sarcasm and fluff

AGAIN I only write Ellie and Joel as a father-daughter relationship, no one be weird or ill punch u

Feelin’ like a Winner Yet?

“Tommy what the hell you have to stay for one more game!”

“Kid, I gotta get goin’ ”

“Ehem Stick in the mud ehm-ehem”

Joel held his fist up to his face and gruffled out a not so subtle cough as he shot his brother side eyes followed by a smug look on his face.

Tommy playfully shoved Joel in his shoulder as he stood up.

“You sir, are the real fuckin’ stick in the mud, and you,-” He raised his eyebrows and pointed at Ellie who was sat criss-cross applesauce across the table from the brothers.

“-you just wanna beat my ass again”

Thursday nights were the best in the Miller house. Often the only night both Tommy and Joel weren’t patrolling and no movie night until tomorrow for Ellie and her friends she’d made in Jackson, so the trio often gathered in the cozy downstairs living room of Joel’s house. The fireplace tucked away in the corner provided warmth throughout the floorboards where we would find the three sat upon surrounding a small coffee table. It also provided the homily cedar smell that lingered throughout the house that Ellie was always quiet fond of, it reminded her of nights camping in the woods with a certain someone. But tonight their was no camping for Ellie, only war against the two brothers in a Miller family classic-Boggle. Ever since Joel picked it up in Salt Lake City on their trek across the US, It had been a game he routinely pulled out whenever Ellie needed reassurance that she was better than Joel at something. Not to mention it it most often ended in laughter filled fights over all the words Joel cheated with. With no surprise, Ellie had dominated 6 out of the last 7 rounds they played tonight by a landslide, only to tie with Tommy in the first, mentioning that she was “just warming up”. But now, her only somewhat worthy competitor was walking out the front door, and she was doing everything in her power to keep from the rest of Boggle night being a snooze fest.

“If you stay i’d let you win!” Ellie pleaded sarcastically.

“Well im stayin’ why don’t you let me win”

“Shut upppp” The whine in her voice was evident as ever as she shot a look to Joel that meant exactly what she had said.

Tommy barked out an entertained scoff at the duo bickering as he slipped on his jacket that was hung on the coat rack by the door.

“Maria needs help with the baby El, you know how much I would love to stay and watch you kick that old man’s ass—again” He threw up apologetic arms.

“If you stay around much longer your ass might get more than just a kickin Tom”

“Anndddd that’s my cue, good luck kid, adios big brother” And with that, Tommy slipped out the front door into the freezing cold of night and headed off towards his and Maria’s house.

Joel leaded his back against the couch he was sat on the floor in front of. He picked up his beer bottle from the table and stared down into it as he swished the remaining liquid around the bottom of the bottle.

“Anddd then there were two” He took a pull from the bottle as he kept his eyes focused on Ellie across the table, who happened to be watching him emphatically.

She drew her eyes to her fingers which were tracing the grain of the dark wooden floorboards, eventually trailing her gaze to the half finished case tucked away on the side of the couch.

“So can I-”

“No” Joel’s stare hardened, this wasn’t the first time she’d asked and it sure wouldn’t be the last.

“One sip?” Ellie threw up her eyebrows as a cheeky little grin crept up on her. She had this man in her back pocket.

He mulled it over in his head for a few seconds while staring up at the ceiling. It always felt like their was no winning with her, in Boggle or argument.

“—Fine”

Ellie sniffed as tried to stifle her growing grin as she caught the bottle as it slid across towards her. What did I say, in her back pocket.

She took a pull of her own with Joel’s judgey stare searing into her but she didn’t care and made it last until she couldn’t fill her mouth any longer. She swallowed hard and grimaced but with the bottle still in hand shot eyes over at Joel, a classic myestvious grin appearing on her face.

“Elliee-Ellie no!”

Joel leaned across the table to snatch it from her hands but it was too late, she had leaned away in time to tip the bottle back and finish off the last of it, taking breaks with each gulp to manage the taste of the foul liquid. Cheeky bastard.

Joel just slumped his elbows onto the the table in defeat.

“What the hell am I gonna do with you”

“Hey, just think, you’ll have a better chance of beating me now-hic”

Her last word got caught in a hiccup from the chug as she slid the empty bottle back to him which he caught and placed with the others.

“Shall we?” Ellie made a grand gesture at the game sprawled on the coffee table.

Joel sighed and rubbed his temples.

“How many more?”

“10 rounds like always,, 3 more if your too old to do the math”

Ellie shook the board as she spoke while Joel rolled his eyes and very lazily grabbed the notebook and ripped two pieces of paper out for them.

“Annnnnnddddddd…..” Ellie held her hand over the cover in anticipation.

“Go!”

She removed it swiftly as Joel flipped the timer and the pair began studying the board.

Ellie pick up her pen immediately and began scribbling down words, Joel taking a few more seconds before following her. He always pretended to look over at Ellie’s words so she quickly put up a hand barrier to block his view.

“Asshat” Joel mumbled, directing his focus back to his own list.

“Says you”

The bickering was non-stop throughout the round until about the last 30 seconds, where both sides became frantic in the search for their final words to connect.

“Times up!” Ellie blurted out as she dropped her pen and began swatting at Joel to stop writing.

Joel swatted back as he finished writing a few last letters. Jesus he needed to practice at this game.

“Welllll how’d ya doooo?” She sat with her list held in her hands.

Ellie was smug as ever this round, with no Tommy there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she didn’t win, so she obviously needed to rub it in Joel’s face as much as possible.

“Don’t patronize me girl” His southern drawl was ever present.

“Fine, I’ll go first then”

She began listing off her words, stopping to cross one off whenever Joel blurted out a mumbled “mine”, to which they would both scribble out the word with their pens. Ellie was quiet surprised with the first 5 out of 8 words they matched on.

“Since when’d you get so smartttt?” Ellie shot him a smiley smug look.

“Don’t push it” Joel paid her no attention and kept his eyes on his list.

But, as Ellie went further down her list, the call outs from Joel became far more seldom, leading her to finish with a whopping 63 points. It was lower than her previous rounds, but her brain function seemed to be slowing down with the night growing later and the alcohol settling into her system.

Ellie twiddled the pen in her hands.

“Soooo you don’t even need to read yours I definitely won right? We can save you the embarrassment.” Ellie reached across the table and went to grab his list when Joel snatched off the surface.

“Uhhh no, not how it works, I could still kick your ass with my crazy good words.” Joel held the list up to the light and put on an imaginary pair of glasses as he squinted up and down at his list.

“Yeahhhhh these look like winners to me alright, buckle up for failure kid”

When in the right mood, Joel loved playing Ellie’s silly antics with her, especially with his brother now gone home he could bring out some of that vulnerability that Ellie always dug out of him one way or another.

“Alright alright start readin’ ya cheater” Ellie crossed her arms she was already for the slew of imaginary words that were headed her way.

To her surprise, Joel started mumbling out more words than he had said all night during this game. After the fourth consecutive actual word, Ellie scurried to her feet and sat over on her knees next to Joel peering over his shoulder as he read to make sure we wasn’t making shit up on the spot.

“Pool”

“Pools”

“Dool”

Ellie flicked him in the back of the head.

“Fix it”

Joel shot her eyes and leaned over to grab the pen from the table.

“can’t even get away with one goddamn word” Joel sarcastically mumbled under his breath as he scribbled out the word.

He went further down his list until he reached the end when he paused and looked back at Ellie once again.

“ I mighta beat ur ass huh?” A menacing grin appeared on Joel’s face as he shook the shoulder she was leaned up on.

“Just count the goddamn points” Ellie was getting a bit frustrated, Joel hadn’t even come close all night, but now he comes outta left field with all of these words? She stared at Joel as he counted up his score, watching to make sure he didn’t try to pull a fast one on her.

Ellie could feel the tension in Joel’s body as she leaned up against him. If the Millers were anything, they were competitive as hell.

All at once, Ellie felt the tension drop in his body as his shoulders slumped forward whilst writing in his final score.

“Awh shit”

Joel threw his pen across the room as he leaned back onto the couch hard. He had a gruff look on his face and turned his head away from Ellie, who had leaned forward to see that his final score had come 2 points shy of hers.

A grin so big she had to bite her bottom lip to keep if from growing couldn’t help but plaster across Ellie’s face as she stared down at the paper.

“Well well well Old man Miller. You talk a lottttt of shit for someone who just lost to a fourteen year old-again.”

Ellie was pulling herself to her feet as she bragged down to Joel who was trying very hard to ignore her, dawning only an angered deadpan stare at the Boggle board in front of him as she spoke.

“I declare, that on this divine night we dub me, thy champion of the Boggle!” Ellie put one foot up on the couch as she shook both her fists wildly in the air. The voice she had taken up reassembled that of a 17 century herald announcing the arrive of a king.

“Now, I see it only fit that thy loser must announce my trrrrriumphant title, as he was indeed, the smartest of asses and therefore-”

“shHHITT”

Joel exclaimed and threw his hands in the air before violently smacking his head with his palm and resting his fingers on his temples.

“What the fuck was that for?…motherfuckin sore loser” Ellie a bit irritated that her celebration was interrupted so quickly, she took her foot off the couch and slowly sat back down, puzzled as to what set Joel off so quickly.

Joel took his head out of his hands and shot her a look of irritated regret. He looked back at the board before pointing down at it.

“ I coulda’ fuckin’ spelt tickle”

Ellie looked over at the board as Joel spoke but when he finished his sentence she didn’t think she could move her body a single inch. She froze and involventarily gulped with her wide eyes glued to the outline of the word Joel had just uttered on Boggle board. She knew if she sat there much longer staring Joel would think something’s off, but there was not a single coherent thought floating in her head at that moment. Somehow with a simple word she had been shut down within seconds. So, she finally mustered up the courage to sit back, where she immediately looked down at the floor and began twiddling her fingers.

“Ahh..yep”

Jesus Ellie really? That’s it? Yep?

Ellie shook her head at her own ridiculously suspicious answer, luckily for her, Joel was in a whole other world, eyes still fixated on the board. He scoffed, absolutely infuriated that he hadn’t seen such an obvious word sooner. He sat back up and started tracing over more new words on the board with his right index.

“Shittt and tickles..and tickled..and-”

“Ok y-yeah we got it”

Everytime he said it Ellie could feel her entire body involuntary cringe. You could hear the shakiness in her voice underneath the irritated tone while she picked at the dirt aggressively from underneath her fingernails, never daring to look up at Joel, who’s attention and glare she could now feel on her due to the interruption.

Joel knew Ellie at this point, maybe sometimes more than she knew herself, and if there was one fact about her that he knew to be true, it’s that she was never shy. especially not with him.

“What’s with you? Seems like you were all hunky dory unti-” Joel cut himself off and stuck his tongue in the bottom of right cheek as his thoughts interrupted him. After a few seconds, his confused expression softened and developed hints at a devious smirk.

“Oh”

He pursed his lips and looked down at the floor as well, almost embarrassed at the knowledge he just acquired. buttttt unfortunately for Ellie, not embarrassed enough.

shit

Ellie stopped and looked up at him when silence filled the air, eyebrows furrowed but she didn’t dare say anything, she just waited. just waited and prepared to run.

Joel sat staring at the floor for a few more seconds when he finally broke the silence.

“Ya know kid,, you have done quite the job wininn’ tonight.”

His gruff nature made it seem like everything he said was truth, but Ellie could hear his familiar sarcasm laced within his words. Her eyes seared into him, meanwhile Joel was simply tracing the designs in the side of the couch.

This was all just a joke to him.

“I feel like I owe you some sort of compensation…whatayouthink?”

Joel finally looked up with the most shit eating grin you could imagine whilst Ellie’s cheeks began filling up with color out of embarrassment.

She was taking no chances. She scurried to her feet and bolted across the room looking for an escape down one of the hallways so that she could climb out a window run to Tommy’s and then-

Shlump

Without even making it halfway across the room, Ellie sealed her own fate. She slipped on the shag rug that sat by the fireplace and had now made friends with the floor.

Unfortunately someone not so friendly was headed her way.

Ellie attempted to return to her escape plan but Joel had jumped up and stomped his way over to her, he now looked down at the girl with one of her ankles in his grasp.

“Graceful”

Joel smirked as he mocked her while she flipped herself over to be facing upwards.

“Shut up”

“You aren’t quite in the position to be making demands El’. In fact you’ve been talkin’ a bittt to much for my likin’. Especially when you got a big secret like that.”

Ellie braced herself for what was coming although she couldn’t help but show her nerves as she twitched aggressively against Joel’s grasp.

“Don’t be an asshole please” nervousness once again settled in her usually snarky demeanor.

“Ehh no promises kid”

With that, Joel dropped her ankle to the floor and dove in with both hands, latching them around her torso. He began digging into the soft spots of her sides with his thumbs while his fingers danced on the backside and let’s just say Ellies composure didn’t last long.

“okokOkHOHOEHEheaoKk JOEHEHEEL” bubbly giggles erupted in the teen causing her to sway side to side across the warm floorboards. The electric ticklish shocks being sent through her body dumbfounded her, causing her to twitch and jerk consistently. She pushed down at Joel’s big calloused hands that was bunching up her t-shirt at the seams but there was no use, the lack of strength from being rendered into a pile a of giggles mixed with Joel’s determination for the task and strength was an impossible combo to beat. She threw her head from side to side as if she was trying to forget about Joel’s rhythmic squeezes that had made their way up to her ribs, but this too had no promising results other than putting a bigger smile onto Joel’s face. He briefly paused his torture but didn’t let up his grasp.

“Feelin’ like a winner yet?”

“Johoheoelllll weHE-we can TAahlk abohout tHiISI-AHAHHAH”

Unbeknownst to Ellie, Joel has pulled her t-shirt up so that it lay on her ribs so that he could bear down and give her the most brutal raspberry’s one had ever seen.

While Joel will admit he is quite shit when it comes to Boggle, this was one game he knew very well. Sarah was always the ornery type with her father, so while Joel hadn’t always been an expert at physical connection, he had plenty of practice at this game, enough to be able to drive Ellie insane.

Anything that Ellie had been holding back up until this point was out the window as Joel’s prickly scruff combined with the eruption of the raspberry on her stomach drove her to madness. Loud laughter and giggles poured out of her as her thrashing became more violent. Joel then pulled her shirt back down and grabbed her flailing arms and held them pinned to the floor at her side.

“JOHAOAHEL AM I FUFHUCKING TEHEEN” Ellie yelled, embarrassed by her flushed red face and post-attack giggles still flowing out of her as she looked up at Joel in anger.

“Nohot cool” She continued to squirm but there was no use, she was still completely stuck.

“N-Noho, what’s not cool is you thinkin’ your all that an a bag of chips for winnin’ ” Joel looked down at her trying to cover up his amusement with her struggles.

“Ever heard of uhhh bragging rights? ohhhh waittttttt you’ve never fucking won so I guess not ” A slightly angered but smug look dawned on her as she sarcastically sassed Joel directly to his face.

Another thing about Ellie that Joel knew was she never knew when to stop pushing, and right now was the not the time or place for her to flaunt her cockiness.

“Huh, so you just wanna get tickled is that it?”

Joel’s nonchalant tone and distracted gaze was met with tension in Ellie’s body at his utterance of that word. She reallly needed to learn to quit whilst she’s ahead.

“You see, cause I think yo-”

Joel’s far gaze was met with something, interesting. To his surprise, laying a few feet to the left of him and Ellie was the black pen he had launched earlier in frustration at his loss. Ellie turned to see the pen as well, but couldn’t quite put the pieces together. Meanwhile Joel’s gears were turning and already ready to put a final revenge attack in motion.

“Welllll since you seem to be so obsessed with titles tonight”

“Joel wha—AC HEY!”

Joel swiftly dropped the grasp on her arms, reached over to grab the pen whilst swinging an arm around to entrap her ankles in his grasp. Like I said, he’s had some practice at this.

“Let’s give you an official one hm?”

Joel removed one of her tattered socks and uncapped the pen with his teeth.

Ellie up until this point had genuinely been confused, but now panic was beginning to set in as she felt the harsh tip of the pen meet the top of the sole of her foot.

“noOH I dOHnT NEHeD it JOEL”

She tried to sit up and push him away whilst squirming her foot, but during her retaliation, Joel saw the resistance and scribbled harshly on the middle of her sole to combat her.

Ellie screamed in response falling back onto the floor and burying her face into her hands at the devilish sensation etched upon her foot. Joel seised the scribble fairly quickly seeing her response and looked back at her.

“Now hold still or this will take longer”

Ellie paused and went to lean back up, but knowing Joel and his word, she leaned back down and braced herself for the sensation.

To her surprise, the process wasn’t quite as torturous as she had expected. While a trail of giggles and “nohoho’s” did seem to escape her when Joel insisted the letters need to be colored in, plus a few complaints from Joel when Ellie couldn’t sit still for the letter positioned in the center of her sole, other than that it was a few minutes of smiley recovery and pure artistry for the pair.

Joel finally threw the pen to the ground and released her ankles from his grasp.

“Now we can show Tommy who won”

Ellie sat up and grabbed her foot to turn it around and look at Joel’s hard work.

“You motherfucker”

Ellie scoffed as she shoved Joel in the shoulder at the results on her sole.

W

I

N

N

E

R

joel miller

the bend of her heel read the old man’s name in the tiniest, scragglyist font imaginable.

“Surprise”

Joel threw up his hands in amusement while Ellie was now doing her best to rub off the very permanent reminder of tonight’s events.

Ellie sighed.

“He’s never gonna believe you beat me at Boggle”

“Who said anything about Boggle?”

[layce2015]

The Last of Us Part 2 (Joel Miller x Reader)

What If (y/n) Died pt 4 (Finale)

The Last of Us Part 2 Masterlist

What if pt 1

After getting a boat and making his way to the aquarium through the rain storm, Joel finally made it to the aquarium and started to make his way inside of the building. It took some time but he found a broken window and climbed through it and entered the maze like aquarium. It seemed quite but that didn't stop Joel on letting his guard down, he kept it up as he quietly made his way through.

Eventually, he found what would've been the lobby area of the aquarium and saw Abby standing near the desk, talking into her radio. "Does anyone come in? Hello?" She called out as she tries to get a signal. Joel pulls out his revolver and starts to walk slowly behind her.

"Can you guys hear me? Hello? Jordan? Nora? Leah? Owen? Mel? Anybody?" She calls out in a panic. Then she sighs and sets her radio down. "Damn it." She growls, frustrated, then Joel gets up behind her and places his gun behind her head. "Don't move." He said and Abby's eyes widen at this but she smirks a bit as she recognized his voice.

"Look who finally decided to show up." She sneers and Joel shoves the gun closer to her head. "Shut up. Hands above your head." He growls and she starts to raise her hands, slowly. Abby knew that Joel would come after her but she didn't think he'd come so soon, so this was a bit of a shock to her.

"Here to avenge her?" Abby asked him and Joel starts to cock his gun and shove it harder into her head. Abby chuckles a bit then said. "I should've killed you at that cabin too." 

"You're right. You should have." Joel said. "It should have been me...but you picked her....why?"

"Because you two killed my father at St. Mary's." Abby growls and Joel's eyes widen a bit but he had some notion that this is what it was all about. "I was the one that killed your dad, not her. You should have killed me but you killed her instead." Joel said, tightly, through clenched teeth. "Why her?"

"My dad was important to me. And she was important to you. So I figured...an eye for an eye." Abby said and Joel glares at her. "Only one exception: she had everyone who loves her...you don't." Joel growls and before he could do anything, there was a loud crash off into the distance.

Joel looks towards the noise as Abby, taking the advantage, turns around and knocks the gun out of his hand then punches him. He stumbles back but quick regains composure as she goes to punch him again.

He blocks her blows then the two began to fight a bit. They trade blows to each other until Joel got the upperhand and was able to knock her down to the ground. Then he got on top of her and punched her face repeatedly, breaking her nose and busting her lip, with his fists until he pulls out a shiv and starts to bring down the knife on her chest.

She grabs his arms and does her best to keep the blade from entering into her chest then grapples the shiv out of Joel's hand and used it to stab him in the leg. Joel lets out a pained yell but lets out a scream when she started to twist the blade into his leg.

Then she punched him in the face until she kicked him off of her. Joel falls on his back and holds his bleeding leg as Abby gets up and wipes away the blood from her face. "You stupid old man." She growls as Joel tries to get up but the pain in his leg was preventing him to do it.

Abby goes to grab a pipe nearby and starts to walk towards him. "You killed my friends. We let you live...and you wasted it." She growls as Joel glares at her. "You killed my wife, the mother of my boys." Joel spat. Abby glares at him as he tries to crawl away from her. "And you and that stupid bitch killed my dad." Abby said and Joel looks over to his right and sees his revolver.

He looks at Abby, and is about to grab the gun but then she started to raise the pipe above her head. "I'm gonna enjoy this. You will join her soon." She growls but then a gunshot sounds out, she drops the pipe and holds her left shoulder, which had a bullet wound.

Joel jumps, slightly, then grabs his revolver and shoots Abby in both of her knees. Abby screams in pain as Joel sits up and sees Ellie walking in, holding her gun; Jesse and Tommy come running up behind her. "Joel!" Tommy exclaims as he runs over to his older brother.

Abby screams in pain some more, holding her leg, as Ellie keeps her gun trained on her. "Jesse, come here and help me." Tommy said and he and Jesse help Joel up to his feet. "You fuckin' people." Abby shouts, angrily. Joel glares over at her then starts to walk, or limps, over to her as best as he could.

"Is this...w-what she...wanted? T-to continue this...cycle? What about...your kids, h-huh? What...would t-they...think?" Abby asked Joel, between her gasps of pain, as he goes to pick up the pipe she dropped. He walks over to her and said. "I don't care. You brought this on yourself."

Then he raises the pipe and hits Abby across her face. Ellie gasps as Tommy and Jesse jump slightly at this while Joel kept hitting Abby over and over with the pipe. Each impact the pipe made, Joel saw flashes of (y/n). The good times they had flashed before his eyes, like their date nights, them dancing and laughing at their reception, movie nights with Sarah.

Then moments of them saving each other during their 20 years of surviving, when the two met Ellie and started their cross country journey. Then when he had his ear against (y/n)'s pregnant stomach as she plays with his hair while he feels the baby's kicking, then to where he was in bed looking at (y/n) as she stares up at him with love the night before they went on patrol with Tommy.

Then he remembers the day when she mouthed I love you to him before she died.

He lets out a heartbreaking yell and hits Abby one more time, killing her. He takes some deep breathes as he looks at Abby's bashed in face, which eerily looked like how (y/n)'s face looked. He stares at Abby's body and tosses the pipe aside as he slows down his breathing while Ellie, Jesse and Tommy watch him with worry.

"Joel..." Ellie said, softly, as she walks close to him. A tear runs down Joel's face and he places his hands over his face and starts to cry, silently. Ellie then goes up to him and places her hand on his shoulder, he lowers his hands then looks over at her as she gives a sympathetic look to him and hugs him.

Tommy then goes over to his older brother and hugs him as well, Joel embraced them and just broke down.

2 Weeks Later

The group finally make their way back to Jackson where their families are waiting for them. Jesse's parents hugged him, Maria comes up to Tommy and hugs him and Dina hugs Ellie and Jesse, where she tells him that she found out she is pregnant with his child.

Joel dismounts his horse and started to use this long stick, Ellie found for him, to use as support for his limp. The last two weeks, Joel had been awfully quiet which worried Ellie, Tommy and Jesse.

But then Joel's expression lit up a little when his boys came running towards him and they share a heartwarming hug. "Is it over, Daddy?" Ethan asked Joel as he and his brother look up at their dad. Joel looks between the boys before he speaks for the first time in weeks. "Yeah...it’s over now." He said and the boys hug him again.

16 Years Later

There was a knock on the front door, which startled the older man from his sleep. He takes in a huge breath then lets it out slowly as he gets up from his bed, and grabs the cane that was leaning against his bed table. The gray haired man, with streaks and shades of his natural black hair color, makes his way downstairs as the knocking continues.

"I'm coming." The man hollers. He opens the door and smiles once he sees who was at the door. "Well, look who's here!" He said as a smirk appears on his face. "Hey dad." The young black haired man said, he was about the old man's height and if you'd ask his uncle, he would say that he looked alot like his dad when he was younger.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this little visit?" The old man asked and the young man raises a confused eyebrow.

"Uh...dad, remember? We're suppose to go and celebrate J.J.'s birthday at Ellie and Dina's." The young man said and the old man's eyes widen. "Is that today?" He asked, making his son chuckle. "Did the Joel Miller forget about his eldest grandson's sixteenth birthday?" The son asked, teasingly.

"Sorry to disappoint, Ethan, but my memory ain't as good as it used to be. It'll happen to you and you brother." Joel said and Ethan chuckles. "Probably more me than Aiden." He said. "Yeah, Aiden is like his momma. Mind as sharp as a tack." Joel mutters and Ethan smirks a bit. "Well, let me go get changed and I'll be down in a minute." Joel said. "Sure, dad. Everyone's loaded up in the carriage, ready to go. I'll let them know we're waiting for you." Ethan said and Joel starts to make his way to the stairs.

He walks into his room, leans his cane against the closet doorway and flicks through his clothes before grabbing the ones that he liked. After getting dressed, he picks up that old chain with the woman's wedding ring hanging from it, puts it around his neck then picks up his cane and a brand new guitar he made for JJ then makes his way down the stairs.

He walks out of the house and closes the door when Aiden, who looked like his brother only he had (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes, and Ethan come up to their dad. "You need help, dad?" Aiden asked as he comes up next to him. "I'm alright, son." Joel said, appreciatevly, as he looks up at Aiden's (e/c) eyes and smiles. "Okay, just making sure." Aiden said as Joel makes his way down the stairs.

Ever since Abby stabbed him in the leg, Joel had a permanent limp and had to use a cane to get around a bit better. This wound had made Joel retire from patrolling and he had resorted to farming as that was a bit easier for him to get around and kept his mind busy.

Aiden and Ethan pat Joel's shoulders as they make it to the carriage, where he sees Lily, a blonde haired blue eye girl who is Ethan's wife, and Eliza, red hair and green eyes girl who is Aiden's fiancé. "Morning, girls." Joel greets them as Ethan gets up on the back of the carriage. The women greet him back just as the little two year old boy smiled at him.

"Papaw!" He said as he jumps off of Lily's lap and goes over to Joel as Ethan helps his dad up to the carriage. Joel chuckles as he goes to sit down on the bench and the young boy jumps up on him. "Hey, kiddo." Joel chuckles as he picks up the boy and sets him on his lap while he set his cane anf guitar against the bench.

"Boy, you're getting so big." Joel said as his grandson sits on his lap. "Yeah, I wanna be big and strong like you, papaw." The young boy said, making Joel smile then kiss the top of his head. "Well, minus the bad leg." Aiden jokes. "Easy there, Aiden. I might have a bad leg, but I can still whoop your ass." Joel said, warningly, and everyone laughs as Ethan gets to the front of the carriage and urges the horses to go forward.

As the carriage goes through Jackson and then out through the gates, Joel looks over at his family and couldn't believe how his family has grown. Ethan and Lily had meet when Ethan was about fifteen or sixteen and they had hit it off and fell in love. Then when Ethan turned eighteen, he asked Lily to marry him and they tied the knot a couple months later. 

Soon after that, Lily found out she was pregnant and they had this beautiful boy that sat on Joel's lap. Thomas Joel Miller, or TJ, is what they named him and TJ reminded Joel of Ethan when he was this age, being talkative and energetic. Then about a year ago, Lily was pregnant once again but this time it was a girl, who they named Sarah Marie Miller which made Joel tear up a bit at this.

Aiden and Eliza are what you'd call childhood sweethearts. Ever since they met when they were ten, they had been inseparable. You couldn't imagine one without the other. The two started dating when they were about fourteen and they fell more and more in love with each other as the days went on. They had just gotten married about six months ago. 

The twins also had become good strong men that have helped keeping Jackson safe, thanks to their Uncle Tommy and to Joel. Joel was very proud of his boys and who they've become and he knew if (y/n) were still alive, she would be proud of them too.

Eventually, the group finally make it to Dina and Ellie's farmhouse and they all unload from the carriage. TJ jumps off of Joel's lap and goes over to Ethan, who got off of the carriage and started to help them out of the carriage.

Joel grunts as he gets up, grabs his cane and guitar then walks to the edge just as both of his sons stand by. "Come on, dad." Aiden said and Joel chuckles at this and says. "If you two don't quit babying me..."

"We're just worried about you, pops." Ethan said as Aiden takes Joel's cane and Ethan grabbed the guitar and the two young men help their old man down. "I know you are." Joel mutters as he lands on the ground and Aiden hands him his cane back. "Thank you." Joel said. "I'll hold onto this." Ethan said as he holds up the guitar and they start to walk towards the farmhouse.

"Well, look who showed up!" Jesse exclaims as he and JJ stand at the porch. The front door opens and Ellie walks out and smiles at the new company. Ethan and Aiden both go over and hug Ellie before they go to hug JJ and shake Jesse's hand then give him a quick hug.

Lily and Eliza hug Ellie as well then go over to JJ and Jesse. "How are you guys?" Ellie asked them while Joel walks up to the porch and smiles. They would tell her that they were good until Ellie looks at the little girl in Lily's arm.

"Hey munchkin!" Ellie said to her and the little girl holds her arms out to Ellie. "Sarah really likes you." Lily said, chuckling, as she hands the little girl over to Ellie. "Hey, Ethan and Aiden were the same way with her when they were babies." Joel said and Ellie turns to Joel and her lips curled into a smile.

"Hey babygirl." Joel greets, softly.

"Hey dad." Ellie said, smiling.

The two embraced for a few moments before Ellie pulls back and asks. "How you doin', old man?" Joel chuckles and replies. "Doin' alright. You?" Joel asked her. "I'm good." She replied and he nods at her. 

Ever since Abby was killed all those years ago, Joel and Ellie's relationship had slowly improved as the days went on. The two would often help the other whenever one of them relived the day (y/n) died, which caused sleepless nights, isolation, breakdowns, and reckless stunts during patrol, in Ellie’s case.

Ellie had forgiven Joel for what he and (y/n) did many years ago, having finally understood why they did what they did after she caught JJ’s eyes when he was born. Though (y/n) wasn't there to hear her say those words, Joel assured  Ellie that she would've been happy and that (y/n) loved her no matter what even after death.

This brought Ellie to tears and the two embraced each other as she started to cry, Joel let a few tears escape his eyes but did his best to keep it together for Ellie.

As the day turned into the evening, the family ate, drank, talked and laugh as everyone bonded and caught up with what was going on with their lives. JJ loved the guitar Joel had made for him and he started to play a bit from what he learn from Joel and Ellie.

They applaud once he finished and Joel gives him a proud smile. But then he noticed that Aiden and Eliza seemed a bit more quiet and nervous. "Aiden? Eliza? Everything alright?" Joel asked them and they look over at him, shocked. 

"Well, we...uh...we..." Aiden stammers as everyone looks at them. "Well, we do have an announcement but..." Eliza said and Dina nods at them. "What is it?" She asked. "We don't want to take away JJ's special day." Aiden said. "Go ahead, spit it out...what is it, Uncle Aiden?" JJ asked him then Aiden and Eliza share a look before she bites her lips.

"Well....to make a long story short, there's gonna be a new addition to this family." Aiden said as Eliza giggles. "Are you fucking serious?!" Ellie said, shocked, as everyone gasps. The young couple nod and Dina and Lily screech in excitement as they stand up and hug Eliza. "Congratulations!" Jesse said to Aiden as he pats his back.

"Thanks, Jesse." Aiden said as Ethan hugs his brother. "Way to go, bro!" Ethan said and Aiden laughs while Joel stands up and Aiden looks over at his father. "Congrats, Aiden." Joel said as Aiden walks up to him. "Thanks, dad." He said and father and son hugged each other.

"Can I talk to you, privately?" Aiden asked him. Joel nods and the two walk away from the others as they talk about the new baby with Eliza. Once they were away from listening ears, Aiden turns to Joel. "I was wondering if I could get your blessing..." he said and Joel raises an eyebrow at this. "Blessing? For what?" Joel asked, confused.

"Well, this baby....I don't know why but I have this weird feeling that it's gonna be a girl. And....I was wondering, if it's okay with you, if Eliza and I could name her (y/n)?" Aiden asked him and Joel's eyes begin to tear up at this. "Of course, you can..." Joel said, his voice shaking and full of emotion. Aiden smiles at this as Joel goes to wipe away the tears.

"I know she would've been honored." Joel said to Aiden just as Ethan comes up to them. "Who would've been honored?" Ethan asked, curious, and Aiden turns to his brother. "I asked dad if I could name the baby (y/n) if its a girl." Aiden replied and Ethan looks down at this.

"I wish she was here." Ethan said and Aiden nods. "Same here. I miss her so much." He said and Joel looks down at the ground. The boys look up at their father and noticed how sad he looked. Then both boys go to hug Joel as he tried to keep his emotions in check, trying not to attract any attention from the others.

The three Miller men break their embrace as Joel takes a deep breath then looks at his sons and nods, letting them know that he was alright. The boys give him a comforting smile before they go back to the festivities.

That night, Joel returns to his home and walks up the stairs to his room. He looks at his bed side table and stares at the picture of him, Sarah and (y/n) at Sarah's soccer game. He sits down on the bed then picks up the picture. He lets out a sigh as he stares at his girls; missing them now more than ever, especially (y/n).

He sets the picture down then takes off the chain around his neck, kissed the ring then sets it down on the table next to the picture and starts to get ready for bed. Once he gets ready for bed, he sets his cane to the side of the bed and lays down in the bed. He looks back at the photo and gives a small smile towards it. "Goodnight, girls." He mutters then he starts to close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

He opens his eyes and realized, immediately, he wasn't in his home in Jackson. He was in a truck...his old truck. "What?" He mutters, confused, then he looks out the window and gasps. In front of him, was his old home back in Texas and it looked untouched, almost like how it was the night he, (y/n) and Sarah left it when the Outbreak first happened.

He looks to his right and sees his cane before he grabs it then gets out of his truck. He makes his way to the front door when he heard voices on the other side, familiar voices...voices he hadn't heard in a long time.

He opens the door and choked up a sob when he saw who the voices belonged to. "Dad!" Sarah exclaimed, happily, as she stands up and runs to him. She tackles him in a hug and Joel smiles as he holds her tight. "Sarah..." He whispers, tearfully, and she pulls back from the hug and smiles at him.

He raises his head up and his eyes widen in surprise when he sees (y/n). Only she looked much younger, it was like she hadn't aged a day since Outbreak Day. "(Y/N)." He said, softly, and she smiles and walks up to him. She reaches out, placed a hand on his cheek and he closes his eyes, relishing in the feeling of her hand on his face.

It had been so long since he felt her touch, he forgot what it felt like. He placed his hand over hers then turns his head to kiss her palm. (Y/N)'s smile grew wider as she lets out a breathless laugh. "Hey, Joel." He opens his eyes and stares at her as she looks him over.

"You got old." She said, chuckling a bit. Joel laughs as well while Sarah smiles and looks between them. "You don’t look too bad yourself." He said to her, smiling. She sniggers a bit then said. "You ol' sap." 

Well, I am the romantic type." Joel said and her smile grew wider. "You got your ways." She said, smiling, as he looks her over, lovingly. "I've miss you. Both of you." He whispers. "We've missed you too, Daddy." Sarah said.

"How’s everyone, Joel? The boys giving you trouble?" (Y/N) asked and Joel chuckles to himself, shaking his head. “The boys are great. You would be proud of how much they’ve grown. They even got a family of their own.” Joel explains and (y/n) smiles.

“And Ellie? How’s my other baby girl?" She asked him. “She’s doing good. Remember Dina?” He asked and she nods. “She and Dina married a few years back. After Seattle, we made it back and found out Dina was pregnant then she had a son named JJ. They live in a farm not too far from Jackson. And Jesse actually found someone new.”

“That’s good. I’m so happy for them. And what about your brother and Maria?” (y/n) asked, curiously. “They worked things out with their marriage. They have a kid as well, thank God that son of a bitch finally settled down.” Joel chuckles and (y/n) and Sarah laughs.

"Gosh, first I have two brothers, now I have a cousin?!" Sarah said. "Well, good thing I told him about you." Joel said and Sarah's smile grew bigger. "All good I hope." She said as she folds her arms across her chest, but her smile still plastered on her face.

"Naw, I told them every embarrassing story about you." Joel jokes and Sarah gives a playful scoff at this. Joel looks between his girls before (y/n) said. "We've missed you, Joel."

"I've missed you too. Both of you." He said as he looks at Sarah then looks at his wife. "Well, I sure hoped you did." (Y/N) said, sarcastically, and Joel chuckles. "But...you know, honey. You can stay here with us." (Y/N) said and Joel gives her a questioning look. "That is...if you want to." She finishes.

"Like...I have a choice?" He asked and she nods. "You can stay here with us or you can go back with Ellie and the boys." (Y/n) said and Joel looks at the girls then back towards the front door, obviously conflicted on the choice.

"I know it's hard but it is up to you, Joel. I'd understand either way." (Y/N) said as Joel looks back at her. He wanted to stay with Ellie and the boys to make more memories with them, especially since Aiden was about to have a baby, but then he felt that they didn't need him. He taught them everything he knows and they were all adults and were able to handle themselves. He also missed his wife and Sarah too much and seeing them made him feel complete.

He looks over at (y/n) then places a hand on her cheek, before he leans in and kisses her on the lips. His heart leaped into his chest once his lips touched hers; he forgot how soft her lips felt and how their lips felt together, like two pieces of the puzzle that fit together.

He pulls back and she looks him over and smiles again. "Hey, you look better now." She said, chuckling. He raises his eyebrow at this then looks over at a mirror that was hanging on the wall and noticed that he looked much younger. He stares at his reflection in shock before he looks back at (y/n) and smiles.

He goes to kiss her again then breaks the kiss before he hugs her. Sarah then goes up to her parents and hugs them, the original trio back together again as they hold each other tight. 

Few Days Later

A large group of people were at the cemetery, laying down some flowers on a freshly mound grave. Tears running down their faces as they mourn the loss of a member of their family.

Tommy wipes away his tears before he pats his nephews' shoulders then looked over at Ellie, who was just staring at the grave in sadness. Aiden and Ethan nod at their uncle as he, Maria and their son head back home. 

"Do you want us to stay, Ethan?" Lily asked him as she places a hand on his shoulder. TJ was sitting on a nearby bench, looking distraught, while Lily was carrying his sister in her arms. Eliza looks up at Aiden, who had the same look of sadness on his face just like Ellie and Ethan.

"Girls, I think we should give them space." Dina said to the two other women and they walk away, leaving Ellie, Ethan and Aiden standing before two graves. 

One of the graves had the name (y/n) Miller on it and next to it was a freshly dug up grave with a tombstone that they just placed on it, the name Joel Miller was engraved upon it.

The morning after JJ's birthday, Aiden and Ethan went by Joel's house to check on him but began to worry when they entered his home and he wasn't in his chair like he would be on any other normal day. Aiden thought maybe the festivities from the night prior might have worn the old man out but Ethan knew something was wrong.

They called out for Joel but no response. That is until they entered his bedroom and found Joel still laying in his bed, he looked peaceful. Ethan called out to him but when Joel didn't move, the boys begin to panic. Ethan ran over to the bed and checked his dad's pulse, only to realize that his skin was already cold.

"Well...at least he's with her." Ellie mutters as she wipes her nose with the sleeve of her jacket. "Yeah..." Aiden sobbed. "I hope you're happy, dad. We're gonna miss you." Ethan said, sadly. "Say hi to mom and Sarah for us." Aiden said. The three adults stare at their parents grave a few more minutes before the twin boys walk away but Ellie stays standing.

"I'll watch over them, don't you worry." Ellie said and she lets out a sigh before wiping away the tears. "Love you, mom and dad. I'll miss you." She whispers then she starts to walk away, catching up with her family.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Fallen Fireflies (Favored Ones, Part 15.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Part summary: Every year, there is a horde of infected coming through the areas near the Jackson settlement. And just like every year, Tommy Miller is about to handle the situatiion. 

A/N: If’d play the YouTube playlist, you will notice a really strong shift in the tones. We’re not in the honeymoon phase anymore, babies.

Warning: Infected, Tommy being a brother-in-law you wish for and our favorite golf player appearing for the first time. 

Word count: 4.6 K

Tagging:   @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​​ @peakymarvels​​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us​ @avery-miller​ @mikah-writes​ @mad-hatter-98​ @sadiaafrin99​ @flavorishy

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

The spring of 2038, the day of the incident:

Joel kept you awake until almost four a.m., but you were more than okay with it, especially when he moaned your name into the crook of your neck while having you tangled all over himself with you having your fingers entwined with his.

But that was why you were so grumpy when something woke you up in the morning. It was roughly six o'clock, the sky was still dark and cloudy. But it woke you up nonetheless since Joel was still in a deep coma at the time, snoring into the pillow, having his arm lazily thrown over your belly.

When you realized someone's knocking on the house's door, you lazily got up and went to answer it - after putting in Joel's briefs and the shirt he wore yesterday. The air outside was cold and it hit you as soon as you opened up. It was Tommy, looking away.

"Hey, Joel, there's this thing I want to talk to you about... Oh, shit." - Only the last sentence belonged to you. He rose his eyebrows and watched you. Your hair was a mess, your eyes were sleepy and according to your clothes, it wasn't too hard to figure out what was the last activity you and Joel were doing. - "Is he here?" - Tommy got out with serious trouble, almost choking on those words.

"He's sleeping. He went to bed God knows when after talking to Ellie. Wanna come in, have a coffee, and tell me what's going on? Or it's a private matter?" - You asked politely, stepping aside so he could come in. Tommy smiled at you, nervously stepping inside, taking his jacket off.

"Coffee always sounds good. Won't he be angry with me after you'll touch his stash?" - Joel’s brother asked with a quiet laugh, his joking persona was slowly coming back. With a smirk, you turned your head at Tommy when you lightened up the fire under the kettle. - "I know my ways with him, Tommy. He will be angry a bit, but trust me, he'll calm down rather quickly." - You said confidently, preparing a herb tea for yourself.

"You two were a hell of a surprise yesterday, I tell you that, girl. I still can't quite believe that you two can be a thing" - Tommy said quietly, shifting onto a more serious tone. You were a young girl, at least a lot younger than his brother, and Joel was his family - it was natural for Tommy to be curious about what was happening between the two of you. Not in detail, of course, but it could be expected that many people will have a lot of questions. He didn't want either of you seeing hurt when the things wouldn't work out as you anticipated.

"I'm not believing it after a few months of it happening, so, don't worry. You just need to process all of it, it comes with time." - Was you tired-sounding answer, yawning, and stretching your back in the process. That made Tommy lean his elbow into the back of his chair, smiling unbelievably.

"A few months? From that he’d told me, I thought this is a few weeks old, not even that. My brother still has it." - That comment made you turn away at the man sitting at the table. Tommy chuckled, accepting the mug from you. Oh, the coffee was smelling good. It was like a dream coming true.

"He still has what? Something I missed?" - You smiled back, sitting to the table as well to drink your morning tea without having to rush somewhere.

"The manly charm comin’ out of him. Before the outbreak, he was this thirty-something-year-old man with the hot Texas accent and he had a daughter of whom he was takin’ care of. That made chicks goin’ for him like crazy, but, he never asked one to dance with him." - Tommy sighed when reminiscing about the old times. - "I think he's takin’ it seriously with you, so have patience with that ol’ jackass, will you, girl? He won't admit it, but he’d hurt back anyone who would dare to hurt you. He's the... Protector, when he loves someone."

"Yeah, I saw that getting out of hand a lot when he tried to help Ellie. But seems they're slowly finding the way back to each other, which makes me happy." - You admitted back, having Tommy smile. He was Ellie’s uncle just as he was Joel’s younger brother. He knew that Ellie was immune too. He knew Fireflies were after her back in the day. And to see their small family far apart after they took refuge in Jackson was devastating for Tommy. Especially when that was the reason why Joel became a lonely old man... Until a few months back, as you told.

"How's he doin’? He all good?" - Tommy asked, wondering how it came that he didn't hear the door. Joel was one of the most paranoid people he knew - which came hand in hand with being a light sleeper. Your eyes shot wide for a second, but you couldn't tell him you've been fucking until not even whole two hours ago.

"He had some nightmares, so today, he's staying in bed no matter what happens." - You told Tommy in a firm voice, making him understand that not even his ass will get Joel out of the bed that day. Yet the younger Miller bit how bottom lip, making you realized that something has fucked up.

"Well, there are some infected we saw in the norths perimeter and I need someone to go there with me, Y/N. I would very much need Joel by my side if you won't mind." - Tommy told you with a serious face. He was sorry to bring that family idyll to the ground for that moment, but that was just how it was. He couldn't go there on his own.

"Well, would I be enough?" - You asked seriously. - "Listen, I don't have the best feeling about sending him off when he’d be tired and stuff. He's one tough guy and I know that, but two hours of sleep are a bitch. I'm not bad at this either, I got much better since last summer. Joel taught me how to shoot from bow and gun, remember?" - You asked, standing up. Joel wasn't going and that was the end of discussion. But you could go with Tommy, you could do just as much as Joel would. Yeah, it was probably a good idea, since you seemed pretty decent at the moment. You slept a good few hours more than your old man.

"So that's where this started? Jesus, that's... Last September. Wow." - Tommy wondered, drinking the rest of the coffee quickly so you'd have a chance to make something with yourself before you'd venture out behind the gates. The only thing he got as a response to his remark was a grin you hid into your palm. - "See you at the gates in thirty, then." - He patted your shoulder, put his jacket on, and left the house.

You were quite quick with taking some clothes on, making your hair, and preparing things for your backpack, like your knife, quiver with arrows and the hunting bow, and your polo automatic gun in the last place. As a talisman, you put on Joel’s blue shirt, but you pulled the lower hem into your trousers, buttoning it up under your chin. When you were leaving, you put your stuff next to the bed, nuzzling to his back after that.

Joel softly hummed when your palms smoothed his chest and when he got a kiss on the cheek. - "What's happenin’? How much is it?" - He asked, catching your palm to hold you in place.

"Its early, big guy, I just wanted to nuzzle you before I leave." - You whispered back, smiling at the sight of half-asleep Joel. The last comment wasn't making too much sense, so he furrowed at that.

"Where you're goin’?" - He whispered, looking at the clock on the nightstand. Jesus, he wasn't sleeping for too long and he knew he will fall asleep as soon as you leave.

"A patrol with Tommy. Some infected were reported on the north, so well be taking a look at what's that about." - That made him open up his eyes, looking at you. - "Oh no, don't you dare. You went to sleep at four, you're not fucking going anywhere, Miller. You taught me how to defend myself and that's what I'm planning on doing, are we clear?" - You told him with an unbelievable. It was beautiful to know that all he wants is to keep you safe. And that was what you were about to do.  In the end, he sighed and nodded. It wasn't making him happy at all, but you were tight. He wasn't physically ready for a patrol at the moment.

"Just be safe and come back, ’kay?" - Joel hummed, kissing your knuckles before leaning his forehead to yours for a small moment. You nodded with a gentle smile, pulling the blanket up again. - "And you should talk to Ellie when she gets back from the patrol, yeah? You’ll tell me how that went. Love you." - You whispered, kissing his forehead before you got up from the bed, preparing your stuff from the ground, and left.

He didn't tell you back, but you saw that smile creeping up to his sleepy face after hearing those words. Before exiting the house, you picked up your gloves and your beanie from the drawer next to the main door and pulled it on. Why was this March so damn cold? You had no idea, but it was snowing again and as far as it looked, it wasn't going anywhere in the nearest few hours.

Your walk through the sleepy Jackson was quite refreshing, making you fully wake up. You loved Jackson very much and especially when everyone was still asleep. As Tommy promised, he was already waiting at the gates for you, getting you some sandwiches.

"Who’s that from?" - You asked with a surprised face. When you inhaled the smell of them, your stomach churned hungrily. These were with meat from Seth, the old ballsack. And it was smelling delicious.

"It's a little sorry for yesterday from that old drunk. Joel was meant to get them, yet I think you can use Seth's apology too." - Tommy answered with a smirk, leading you to the stables so you could pick your horses. These weren't exactly anyone's, they belonged to Jackson, but you had your horse for more than three years at that point.

"How much times did Seth already apologized, Tommy? This wasn't a one-night occasion and it'll come again. We both know it, especially with Ellie being as stubborn as she is." - You smiled at Sadie, petting her neck gently. She was your beloved girl, saving your ass many times. Tommy was leading his horse next to him just like you did.

"That's some truth right ’ere, Y/N. No wonder Joel likes you when you're so smart and he's a dumbass." - He said, leading the horse to the opening gates. Your eyes rolled on their own.

"If I will have to listen to these jokes whole fucking day, you better shut up, Miller." - You grinned before swinging on Sadie’s back, petting her neck again. Tommy’s laugh was the last thing you heard when you were leaving from Jackson, seconds before putting on the hunting mode.

The journey to the location itself wasn't enjoyable at all - the snow kept on falling and there was a blizzard incoming, making you sped up to get to the location. You left the horses far away from the place where the sightings were reported. - "Another year, another horde, what can I say?" - Tommy asked you when you got off the horseback to travel to the town on your own feet. You nodded at that, being extremely aware of every single thing happening around you at the time.

For some time, when you entered the town, it seemed abandoned. There was only the wind howling through the empty houses and rampaged store buildings, the snow was covering almost everything. It took you almost half an hour to encounter the first infected. Both of you crouched, looking at the being from a rooftop.

"There's another one." - Tommy pointed to make you turn around. Without waiting for too long, you took out an arrow and held your breath, going directly for the runner’s head. Tommy, in the meanwhile, picked up a glass bottle and prepared to throw it in the opposite direction. You had to see how many of them are there to think about the tactic and about what you'll do, to even think if you'll be able to do it on your own. You nodded at Tommy, letting out a long breath while releasing the string from your finger, looking at the arrow hit the bullseye.

Not even seconds after that, Tommy threw the bottle into a wall, luring more of them out while you still crouched there so these fucks won't see you. There wasn't that many of them, yet it could be because they divided into groups to roam around the town. You sat there for a while, letting Tommy take this group with his sniping rifle before continuing your journey through the city.

"You're much more enjoyable than my brother." - Tommy said all of a sudden when you stopped in a barricaded shop to look for the last remnants of supplies. At that statement, you chuckled, shaking your head. - "Is that so?"

"Yeah, he's making fun of me all the time, you know? Gets repetitive after some time. Got somethin’ there?" - He asked when he saw you bowing down to pick up something. It was a piece of cloth, yet you could use it as a bandage once you'll laundry it and use disinfection on it.

"Would love to hear how someone can make fun of Tommy the Man." - You chuckled back, walking back to Tommy. There wasn't much in the stores anymore, it was a miracle to have some good find in there. - "Kinda tempting to see, dude."

"Hold your horses with the flirtation, girl. Joel would kill me." - Tommy grinned back, stepping outside again. When the cold air hit your face, you had to close your eyes. There were these small pieces of ice in the air, hitting you at a full cadence. The blizzard was getting closer and closer while the temper was going lower and lower. - "Fuck, this is bad. We either need to take some cover or move our asses to get this place clean."  

With that, you were going through the town, shooting on a sight. You and Tommy were quite a good team - while you could kill the fucks silently, Tommy was clever enough to divert their attention somehow. Sometimes you were quiet, sometimes you lost your nerve and just pulled the damned gun out. But you knew that Tommy has your back just as he knew you had his the whole time.

That was until you entered the old warehouse complex. All of a sudden, hordes of infected were coming to you from every direction, making the fence fall. Tommy pushed you behind his back, pulling out the rifle to search for the cause of it. And it was a woman infer the fence, trying to crawl through, certainly being fucked without you. So after you nodded at Tommy, you ran to her to help her on her feet while he started to liquidate some of the infected.

"You good?" - You asked her, looking at her pulling her gun as well. She nodded at you, looking at the horde. - "Tommy, there's too many of them, we need to get inside and get the fuck out of here. We can clear this place out later, come on!" - You yelled at your almost a brother-in-law, already running between the walls of the warehouse, trying to search for some door.

He yelled at you that you're right and turned on his heels to follow you, having that mysterious woman in his back. It was to kill or to be killed, so you took many turns before seeing some door. Both you and Tommy tried to break in while the woman was shooting into the group coming after you. It took you almost four attempts before the door flew open and you pulled the woman in as Tommy closed the door and made sure its barricaded enough.

"Here, did somethin’ happened to you?" - The man got on back his knees, looking at you. You shook your head and laid down with your eyes closed to catch a breath. He was worried that you might have hit something, but you seemed to be all right. The woman was looking at both of you with an unfriendly look. Well, it could be friendly, you didn't know her in the end.

"And who the hell are you, hm?" - Tommy walked to her, offering her a palm to pick her up. She stood up and wiped the sweat off her face.

"Thanks for all of that, by the way. My name’s Abby. And you two are...?" - The woman looked at both of you, leaning her palms to her thighs, trying to replenish at least a bit of energy. It didn't matter who she was or what was she doing there - you were in this together and it was a matter of life and death.

"I'm Tommy and this is Y/N, we’re from a city nearby." - He answered briefly, helping you stand up. - "It doesn't matter now. All that matters is that we have to get away from here. We have horses not too far from ’ere, but I'm scared that there's a lot of ’em now. They must've heard the gunshots." - With that, you nodded, getting up on your knees again. While Tommy and Abby were reloading their guns, you picked up a pipe from the ground. It looked solid enough for you.

"You sure you won't be using a gun?" - Abby asked when you played around with the piece of metal, searching for some way out of the building. You gave her an unsure look, letting Tommy talk for you. - "Trust me, this one is more usable in hand-to-hand combat with a pipe rather than with a gun. She cant aim up close for shit."

"Well, how about me kicking your ass, brother-in-law?" - "Isn't too early for callin’ me that?" - The man pointed out, having you nodding that indeed, he has a point. That was when you found the door and where it began to be painfully obvious, that infected were in there way before you. Abby caught the doors handle, looking at the two of you. Tommy took in a deep breath, shaking the nervosity off, telling her to open up.

You wouldn't be spotted as fast if the infected, some runners and a few clickers to be specific, were calm. But after hearing all there gunshots and groups of the horde moving in the city, it was obvious that there was some prey inside the building. And even the quietest creaking of the door made them turn around almost immediately.

"That crate, get it under the window, we'll cover your back." - Abby nodded at you, seeing you already pulling out the knife. There was a group of fifteen infected, which wasn't that much, yet it wasn't a little as well. While the tall woman started firing with the face of a true soldier, the first sounds of cold metal rang through the room as you swung the pipe into the first infected’s face. It made him fall to the ground, having Abby immediately pinning it to the ground while she put a bullet inside its head.

She was a survivor as much as you and Tommy were, yet you were kind of spoiled by the luxury of having a working town. If she was alone, maybe you could offer her to move in, or at least replenish your supplies before she goes on with her journey. In the middle of Tommy moving the crate, you were grateful that you picked up the pipe because you wouldn't be able to defend a single fuck without it. - "Move it! We’re kinda getting cornered here!" - A loud yell came out of your lips, looking at the next group of infected making their way to you.

"I'm doin’ my best, kiddo. Hold on for a minute!" - An answer came out of the corner of the room, Tommy nodding at you. You sent Abby a quick look - but she motioned you to stay away, lighting something up. In the next second, the woman threw something into the center of the group, making their bodies fly around in shreds. That was just fucking cool, yet you fully realized that another infected had to hear the fucking boom.

"Come on, girls, suit yourself! Take Abby to the horses!" - The man shouted, firing the first bullet from his snipe rifle. You pulled the woman by her arm, taking her to the crate. She, without waiting, boosted you and you helped her up and she then helped Tommy get there as well. As soon as you jumped out of the window, you realized how bad the weather got. You couldn't see a meter in front of you. The air was so cold it made your nose numb and your lips completely dry. But you couldn't wait, so you as soon as you saw Abby follow you around, you ran in the direction where you thought your horses were.

You ran for your life. That evening, you haven't stopped for a single second. As soon as you saw Sadie, you jumped on her back, helping Abby there as well. - "We won't make it Jackson in this, Tommy!"

"There's this house where I and my friends reside, for now, I'll point out the way, yeah?" - Abby asked. Well, it wasn't the greatest idea since it was just a group of strangers, but what could you do in the middle of that fucking blizzard? And you had to move since even if the infected lost your trail for a second, you knew they will find it soon enough again. That was why you listened to the stranger’s direction while you made Sadie ran like a fucking racing horse.

You never felt safer than when you have seen the gates of the house and people with guns standing behind it. As soon as you both rode in, the strange people have closed the gate, setting the infected on fire. You finally had some time to rest, so you took a deep breath before you jumped off of the horseback.

There was a revelation for a second, undeniably, but soon, you noticed something. These people were soldiers, a survivor group, maybe someone religious or something like that. They were looking dangerous, without a doubt. And groups of soldiers don't travel around the country just for the sights, no, they were most likely looking for someone. You tried to send Tommy some kind of signal when you gave Sadie to some short-haired woman, yet he was already chatting with some Hispanic man. And when Abby took her jacket off, your eyes widened. She was fucking buffed. She would strangle someone like you in a matter of seconds.

"Hey, how you're feeling? Any kind of shock?" - The short-haired woman caught up with you. She was almost too gentle to travel with the rest, so, she had some specialization. Drugs, maybe?

"Yea, I'm fine. It was just a close call. Your friend should be glad we found her." - You answered the woman, having her nodding in answer. That was when you arrived in the houses living room - the fire was burning and the french door were half-covered in the snow. The weather was terrible out there.

At that moment, you noticed everyone looking at the both of you while Abby argued with another man from the group. - "What the fuck were you thinking? Did you see the weather?" - The man gritted through his teeth. Something was going off in the room. The atmosphere was shifting somehow and you couldn't tell what was making you more nervous - the atmosphere or the stares of all the people?

"I tried to look for that fucker, Owen. I wanted to find him, but the infected had surprised me before I even got to the power plant." - She sighed back, massaging the back of her neck. - "But these two told me they're from the nearby town, right?"

"Yea, I'm Tommy and this is Y/N. Were from Jackson down there. When the weather settles down, you should come with us and replenish your supplies before takin’ off." - Your brother-in-law leaned his elbow into the counter, smiling at Abby. But she stood in front of you. With your breath held in, you sent a quick look to Tommy to finally tell him that you're not feeling comfortable in there. You'd rather get lost on Sadie in the woods, having to find your way back to Jackson on your own.

"Do you know a man named Joel Miller by any chance?" - Abby looked you deep in your eyes. Tommy’s jaws were more appering as obvious when he stood up and tried not to clench them too much. You didn't even tremble, your eyes weren't looking all around the place, you weren't heavy breathing. Her stare was meant to scare you, but two could play this little psychology game.

"No, never heard of that man." - And that answer would be almost believable if your breath wouldn't hitch in the end. At that, Abby smiled and a smile slowly turned into loud laughter. Jesus, you saved a fucking psychopath, didn't you? Without shadowing a thing, her elbow hugged your throat tightly, starting to choke you when she picked you off the ground. Your palms were trying to make her hand go away, you were kicking all around, trying to free yourself. But it didn't make Abby do shit.

The man tried to free you, yet as soon as he stepped forward, two other soldiers caught his arms, making him kneel on the wooden floor. If he’d move an inch, he'd most likely get both his shoulders luxated. You could barely breathe, yet you couldn't be afraid about passing out just yet. Abby wouldn't let you get outta that so easily.

"I don't know if do you know him, but your little friend does." - Abby told Tommy and pointed her head at a chair nearby. The woman practically threw you on it, then kneeled in front of your brother-in-law to look him in the eyes. - "And you'll watch her scream until you'll tell me where he is. Or until he comes for you. And if he doesn't and if you won't tell me... Hey, we don't wanna kill you. But we will."

You two were in deep fucking shit. 

[mxpseudonym]

Hell or High Water: Part II

Pairing: Tommy x OC

Summary: Having a detective as a partner pays off when you’re a gangster.

Length: 1704 words (allegedly)

Warnings: Swearing

Ask: Hell or high water is amazing ! can u write a 2nd part where she talks to polly and the rest of the family and maybe something happens so that they learn to trust her ? - Anonymous

A/N:  I hope this is up your alley, anon! I was writing this and was lowkey scared for Sara’s future and may make a part III, but I don’t really know. 

Part I: Hell or High Water ; Masterlist

--

It had been nearly a year since Polly had declared Sara what she was: not a Shelby and never to be one. Sara moved back to London for more pressing assignments, and, to her absolute delight, Tommy kept his promise. He got a reasonably sized apartment for himself when he bought Ada's house. Sara would stay there with him when he visited, lovely suspenders and trousers already in the drawers.

"How did you manage all of this?" She asked as she looked into the wardrobe. Tommy wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her shoulder.

"I've got my ways, Miss Miller. One day I'll convince you to move in here too," he mumbled that last bit.

"But then it wouldn't be very inconspicuous would it," she pointed out. Instead of an answer, Tommy tugged her button-down from her trousers and continued her undressing. 

Even for a short amount of time, you learn more about someone when you live with someone. Sara already did an impeccably good job at reading him, but she had gotten too good. She never let on, but Sara knew what flour on his pants leg and the lingering smell of illegal rum meant. She also knew that it was only a matter of time before it happened. 

"Fuck me," she murmured to herself when she opened the file that was waiting on her desk after lunch. She sat and read up on the man she would surely be in bed with that weekend. "Thomas Michael Shelby, decorated veteran. At least it's interesting." There was a knock at the door, and her boss's pageboy was standing there a folder in hand.

"Chief Harrington would like to see you at the half-hour, Miss," he said. Soon enough, she was sufficiently annoyed with her love and standing in front of her Chief Harrington, file in hand.

"Miller, give me a good reason to not arrest those Peaky Blinder scoundrels right now," Harrington said so calmly. "They've scurried up the river and into Camden and brought a few boatloads of workers with 'em. If nothing else, they're poking at the whole Jewish Italian gang nonsense. Inciting violence, all of 'em." The balding man placed his pipe in his mouth and stoked it. 

If she were honest and good at her job, she'd tell him to do it. There was a multitude of sins committed by the razor gang that couldn't be taken back even if they wanted to, which they didn't. The Shelbys were agitating the already war-like street corners in the city. But that's not what she said. Because Sara had been hired by Chief Harrington for her "magic trick." But she was too good. There were things she'd found that he'd tell her to hide. These cops weren't on the straight and narrow, they were all in somebody's pocket. And men like Harrington wanted to be in good graces with the right people. She deserved acting in her best interests sometimes.

"Sir, we can't arrest them," Sara said. "It's out of our jurisdiction until we have evidence. More importantly, your contract is being revisited this year," she said. Harrington looked up in surprise and intrigue. He loved power indeed.

"And?"

"While the Peaky Blinders may be moving into London, it won't be as impressive to stop them as it would to stop, say, Charles Sabini. Also, the Peaky Blinders' leader, Thomas Shelby, is a decorated veteran, Sir. A tunneler. He's been of help to Winston Churchill in recent years."

"Bloody hell," Harrington coughed on his smoke. "Why haven't I heard about this before?"

"It's not well known. I had to do some work to find it," Sara responded vaguely to which he smirked.

"That's right, your little parlor trick. Alright, that's your professional opinion?" He looked her over. Still not happy he couldn't make out her curves, it seemed.

"Yes, that's my professional opinion."

"Bury it then. We'll only revisit if we have to," Harrington told her then promptly shooed her out of the office.

After work, she packed a small bag and took the train to Small Health. The whole time she thought about her relationship with Tommy. Where was it going, and could they actually get there? Their paths would keep crossing like this until one of them stopped. But when would that be? When Tommy went above board? She laughed at that one. That would be a sight to see. But she wouldn't leave her job until she was booted, which didn't seem that unlikely with the way corruption was going. Still, unlikely. She sighed and let her eyes close until it was announced she was at her destination. 

The Shelby's had family meetings when needed, and lately, that had been more. Tommy checked his watch in the dim light of his office and began putting his work away. He had reports from London that would, hopefully, shut the worriers up a bit. This was good. A knock sounded at his door, and he told them to come. 

"Sara?" He stood as she walked in and looked around. 

"This is nice," she commented on his office, picking up a decorative paperweight on her way to him. 

"Couldn't wait 'til Saturday?" Tommy moved to the front of his desk and leaned against it. Sara avoided answering any question and decided to kiss him instead. She was even surprised by how passionate it was considering her frustration.

"You're so stupid," she murmured between kisses. Tommy's brow furrowed, but his arms wrapped around her to pull her closer anyway. She sighed into the embrace. "I love you."

"What's wrong," he asked once they were forced to breathe once again. Honestly, he half expected this to be another lecture about him smoking three packs of cigarettes a day when he was supposed to be down to two. He couldn't figure out how she could tell. Maybe it was his shoes?

"Tommy, what have I always said about you and my work?" She asked. The flicker of realization told Sara that Tommy knew exactly what she meant. "The ABC, Tommy? Alfie fucking Solomons?"

"It needs to happen. Don't worry, we won't unionize," Tommy chuckled but stopped when she shook her head.

"I don't just work on unions, Tommy. That was just one assignment. Your file came across my desk today. 100 men shipped to Birmingham doesn't just go under the radar in a gang war," she explained. 

"Okay, so what do we need to prepare for? A raid?" His arms left her waist to cross over his chest.

"No, I took care of it. You're okay for now. But you should know this happened." Sara stepped away with a sigh 

"What do you mean, took care of it?"

"You have a family meeting in 10 minutes, don't you?" She asked and checked his watch. 

"I do. What gave it away this time?"

"You don't just stop working at 8pm. Your lights are off, and you were putting things away when I got here, but you're not tipsy, so you'll be speaking later." She waved off the process and motioned for him to stand. "I'll walk with you and tell you what happened." She only planned to walk to the doors of the betting shop and wait in the Garrison after, but Tommy swept her inside.

"You deserve to be here," was all he said. He never expected Sara to use her job to help them out. Had he hoped? Of course. But she did it on her own. Sara's attempts to object were ignored as he sat her down. His family came bumbling in a moment later, conversation stopping when they saw the young detective at the table.

"What the fuck is this, Tommy," Polly spat, pulling out a cigarette. 

"Just listen, Pol. We have some news about London," Tommy told her then motioned them all to sit. It didn't take long to explain, and Sara was there to answer questions about the cops and the law. She told them which policemen were working for Sabini, and who was susceptible to bribing as well. It wasn't her intention, but she was already in deep. 

"Good to know, Sara," Arthur nodded, taking a drink of whiskey. It was the first time she'd heard any of the Shelby's positively utter her name. 

"I'm always here to help." She smiled and let Tommy wrap up the meeting. Polly still didn't look entirely happy with Sara, especially when she was invited to the Garrison. While Tommy went to talk to his brothers, Sara sought out the Shelby matriarch. 

"I won't deny what you're doing for my family. That doesn't mean I'm opening my arms to you," Polly said before taking a drag of her cigarette. "And if you think,"

"Polly," Sara stopped her. Polly was about to snap for being interrupted, but the young detective continued. "I know that Tommy wants you to take me in, but I want you to know it's okay if you don't. I promise. You have a family to protect, and I think you also have yourself to protect."

"I don't need your pity."

"I don't have pity to give," Sara said. "I respect you a whole lot, Polly. I happen to love Tommy a lot too, so I'm not going to stay away from him unless he wants it. But, I'm not going to make you like the law when I think they've hurt you more than some of the others know." She gave Polly a sympathetic smile. "Not that I could force you to do anything anyway." 

"You're damn right," said Polly, though her eyes were a bit misty. 

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I think I, unfortunately, understand what you may have gone through." Sara pulled a card from her pocket and handed it to Polly. 

It was a tense situation, but with a little time, things between Sara and the Shelby's worked out. Sure, things got a little less honest at work, but there had to be a trade-off somewhere. Sara liked to think being invited to family dinners by Polly and the few lunches they had in London even warranted some trust. And Polly Shelby's confidence in any person went quite far. 

--

Original ask: May I request something for Tommy Shelby where he falls for a woman who is very unique (wears suits instead of dresses, but still has long hair, is quite like Sherlock Holmes yk knows how to deduce and is a detective, insanely intelligent) and he smiles a lot more etc and his family is a little skeptical since he's a detective and they think she's like Campbell but they both really love each other? - @midwinternightz

Tommy: @soleil-dor

[chaotic-mystery]

Jaded | J.M.

ꨄ Pairing: bfd!Joel x f!reader

ꨄ Summary: It’s been rocky between you and your secret boyfriend who just so happens to also be your best friends dad, ever since you moved to a new city without him. Surprising him for his birthday probably wasn’t the best idea, for either one of you.

ꨄ CW: established relationship, age gap (Joel’s in his late 40s, reader late 20s) swearing, mean!joel, arguing, Joel saying stuff he doesn’t mean like usual, no outbreak!au.

ꨄ WC:2.6k

A/N: am I an asshole for leaving it the way I did? Maybe. We all knew it was coming though! This honestly broke my heart and I hope it reads how I envisioned it. Let me know what you think! 🖤

🝮Songs to listen to for this🝮

Jaded - Miley Cyrus

Sucks 4 U - Sophie Cates

Complicated - Avril Lavigne

Look After You - The Fray

Over You - Daughtry

About You - The 1975

“Joel..” you muttered with your eyes still closed, your arm extending out to the other side of your bed. Slowly blinking your eyes open and sitting up, you breathed in deeply as you looked around confused. There was no reason you should’ve been calling out his name considering he hasn’t come to see you in weeks. Joel was older, it was unrealistic to think he’d text you many times during the day. He preferred calling or coming to visit when he had the weekend off. The past few weekends he decided to stay home which didn’t bother you, but he didn’t call much either. If he did call, it was short and brief, like it was a chore. Joel used to lay the phone on his bare chest, your voice on speaker while he dozed off listening to how pretty you sounded. That hasn’t happened in months.

You hurried to find your phone on the floor, texting Sarah as fast as your fingers could type.

Hey! Are you guys doing anything for your dad’s birthday this weekend?? Should we drive to see him?

Minutes that felt like hours passed and you bit at the inside of your cheek in nervousness, dying to see her response.

I heard from Uncle Tommy they were throwing a surprise party, but i won’t be able to make it home this weekend, soccer game! Feel free to go tho, I’m sure he won’t mind you taking my place! Love ya xo

Your thumb brushed over the side of your phone as you reread the text about a dozen times, contemplating the idea of going. What if he didn’t want to see you? Could you handle that amount of rejection? You needed answers from him though, what happened to him where he felt comfortable treating you like a stranger? Fuck it.

In a matter of 30 minutes you managed to get every single detail from Tommy, your bag packed and GPS routed to Joel’s house. It seemed a little crazy, a spur of the moment trip to drive 4 hours to confront the man who was trying to ghost you. As you got in your car and your playlist blaring through the speakers, you gave yourself a small pep talk, bracing yourself for whatever was about to happen tonight.

———————-

Finally you arrived at the Millers house, Joel’s truck nowhere in sight. You parked a few houses away so he wouldn’t see your car if he took the same route he always did to get home. Tommy pushed the screen door open and greeted you with his arms open and a grin on his face, a kitchen towel over his shoulder. “Well well well, she does live!” Tommy joked with you and grabbed your bag from your hand, walking up the sidewalk to the house. “Alive and well, just fucking starving and I need a shower before I get dressed.” Your arms wrapped around his torso and hugged him tightly. Tommy knew about you and Joel, he knew not to tell Sarah or lead on to anything going on between you and Joel in front of her. “Well c’mon then! Get your shit and let’s go inside, fix ya somethin’ to eat. Joel’s at work but he’ll be here after. All your shit is still upstairs so go on while I make you something I can find in this god forsaken fridge.” Tommy shouted from the kitchen as you shut the front door. Birthday decorations scattered across the walls and the floor, balloons tied to the lamps. Joel always told you to not make a big fuss over his birthday but you and Tommy never listened. Surprise parties were your thing you did for him, so it was nice to see Tommy continuing the tradition. This would make surprise party number three for Joel since you started dating him, and it stung a little bit you didn’t think to come down and plan one for him regardless if he deserved it or not.

You walked up the stairs to Joel’s room, pushing the door open slowly before poking your head in. It smelled just the same, the cologne you got him mixed with the faintest hint of laundry soap that he swore up and down was the best. Tossing your bag on his bed and sighing deeply, you ran a hand through your hair as you wondered what the hell were you doing here.

I miss you! Can I see you this weekend, maybe grab a bite at that favorite restaurant of yours down here? You hesitated to hit send, your heart racing in your chest.

Too nervous to sit and wait for his response, you stripped and made your way to his bathroom. The hair soap you swore you left was nowhere to be found. There was Joel’s sitting on the shelf, so what happened to yours? They were pretty full and Joel didn’t like to use yours. A pit grew in your stomach, the confusion eating at you. As you stepped under the warm water, your tears started to flow freely. It was like Joel was slowly erasing you from his life, piece by piece. For what?

You washed your hair quickly and grabbed the body soap and your wash cloth. Your eyes couldn’t help but flick down to where your soap bottles used to sit, anger coursing through you. If he wanted to see other people, he should’ve just been fucking honest. As you dried off and started to get ready, your mind replayed everything that could’ve caused this. Your relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, you fought almost daily a few months ago before he stopped calling so much. It would be over nothing, just Joel being stubborn. He’d bring up your age and how you’d get bored of him, how he’s not the man you want, how you resent him for not wanting to move with you, stuff you’d never say about him. He was the one that was embarrassed of you. He never wanted you to meet his friends, and when he got tired of your begging and pleading, he finally took you out with them to the bar. That was a fucking joke you thought to yourself as you recalled that night from a year ago.

“Joel what the fuck was that? Why didn’t you call me your girlfriend when you introduced me to them?” you questioned as you got out of his truck in his driveway. You slammed the door shut and he groaned loudly from inside the vehicle, climbing out reluctantly. “The hell are you on about? I told ‘em we were datin’, is that not good enough?” He loved doing that thing where he’d spin it back on you and make you feel so stupid for even bringing it up. “Oh my god, no It’s not like that! I just wanted to know why you didn’t tell them I was your girlfriend and have been for a year!” you bursted through the front door and threw off your purse, tossing it to the ground. “Well excuse the hell outta me! I thought it was the same fuckin’ thing!” he shouted, following you through the house to his room. “Why does it matter so much to you? If you’re with me, what’s it matter, huh?” Joel's hands grabbed your arms and forced you to look at him, his face riddled with confusion and anger. “Because, Joel! I love you and you’re fucking embarrassed to show anyone that!” The hot tears were streaming down your face as you tried to fight him to let go. His face finally softened and he sighed. “Baby…”

That was so long ago and here you were now in his room, finding out the man you thought loved you had maybe not wanted you anymore. Finally zipping up your dress, you fixed your hair one last time and checked your makeup. Something came over you and told you to open the bedside table you used to call yours, wondering if anything was touched. The cool wood brushed over your knuckles as you grabbed the knob and pulled gently, bracing yourself for whatever could be in there. All of your old pictures of you two were in a pile, scattered like someone was digging through them from time to time. The one that was your favorite was all the way at the bottom. It was of Joel, in the ocean and he looks gorgeous. That was your first vacation together, you both went to go see Sarah’s soccer game and you snuck away together while she was at practice to go swimming. He told you he’d help you learn how to swim so he took you out so far you almost couldn’t touch and helped you get over your fear of drowning. “I won’t let that happen, ok? I gotcha sweet pea. Don’t be scared, I’m here.” You recalled how his arms wrapped around you and you felt so safe. He looked so ethereal, like he wasn’t real.

You closed the drawer and found your phone buried under your towel on the bed, checking to see if maybe Joel messaged you back. Nothing. There was nothing. A sigh of frustration left your lips and you walked out of Joel’s room, looking for Tommy downstairs. He was in the kitchen getting the drinks and snacks out. “There you are! I made ya a grilled cheese but it got cold, thought ya fell asleep up there girl, been almost two hours.” Tommy’s eyes met yours and he noticed you weren’t your normal self. He gave an apologetic smile and rubbed your back softly, “Cmon, we’ve got about fifteen minutes ‘fore he gets here. Help me with the cake?” You gave Tommy a small smile and nodded, reaching to open the box the cake was in. You both were careful not to bump the box on it and set it on the table for everyone to see. His house filled up rather quickly with people while you were upstairs for those couple hours, which to you felt like minutes.

“Everyone get down, he’s here!” someone shouted from the living room and suddenly the lights went out, leaving you standing in pure darkness. Tommy tugged your arm and you snapped out of the transe you were in, crouching down in front of the kitchen table. The front door swung open and there he was, your man. The broad shoulders on the silhouette made your breath hitch and your knees weak. Immediately the lights went on and everyone popped out shouting happy birthday. Joel’s face lit up with a smile and the little confetti poppers went off, small rainbow bits of paper cascading down to the floor in front of him. He was met with many hugs as everyone crowded him, leaving you by the table by yourself. You couldn’t bring yourself to go up there to him, not in front of all these people. Small conversations were forming as Joel was finally making his way out of the clump of bodies, his beautiful brown eyes locking with yours.

“H-happy birthday.” you stated quieter than you wanted. His arm dropped to his side as his smile slowly faded, walking over to you. “What’re you doin’ here?” Joel asked harshly. Was that all he had to say? A lump grew in your throat and your mouth went dry. “Tommy um, Tommy invited me.” Great, now you were stuttering and tripping over your words. Joel was now toe to toe with you, his expression not changing. “Oh” he muttered sarcastically and nodded. Tears stung your eyes at his cold tone and you knew you couldn’t deal with this all night. “Listen, I’ll go if you want me to, just tell me…but if I walk out that door Joel, we’re done. I can’t do this anymore and by the looks of it, you don’t want to do it either. You’ve practically hidden every single memory of me or gotten rid of it and for what?” your eyes were overfilled with tears as they threatened to spill from the outer corners and Joel's head snapped away, his jaw clenching at the silence you shared.

“Yeah, I want you to leave. We’re done.” He didn’t even have the fucking decency to look at you when he said it, when he plunged the knife into your heart. There was nothing more you could say to him to see how hurt you were, how much you wanted him to beg you to stay. You wanted him to tell you why he’d been acting this way for months and why he felt so comfortable acting like you meant nothing to him after three years. You pushed passed him and ran up the stairs to gather your bag. He didn’t deserve you, and that was so clear now. He didn’t deserve all the late nights you stayed up with him and assured him Sarah wouldn’t find out about you two. How many vacations you took him on just to get him out of Texas. He didn’t deserve all the brand new things you introduced him to. Most importantly, he didn’t deserve the amount of patience you had with him. He was as stubborn as a fucking mule, but not once did you ever think about giving up on him like he was doing to you right now.

Mascara was running down your face as you practically sprinted to your car, your bag flailing behind you. You dropped your car keys trying to unlock your trunk and you lost it. You leaned against the trunk with your hands covering your face, sobbing your heart out. You gave him everything, you gave him all of you. “Wait, don’t go..” Joel shouted out of breath as he ran down the sidewalk. You looked up at him through blurry eyes, that burning anger igniting in your stomach once more. “No, fuck you! I’m leaving. I told you if you let me walk out that door we were done and what did you do? YOU LET ME LEAVE!” your voice echoed between the houses but you didn’t care anymore. “You’re nothing but a selfish asshole, Joel. I should’ve known better than to think you wouldn’t break my heart. Fuck you, just go.”

His arms engulfed you and you beat your fists on his chest, crying harder than you were before. Joel’s grip on you tightened as he pulled you in close, shushing you quietly. “Stop, just stop. Shhh” he whispered and petted the back of your head softly. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, sweet pea. I think I just got so busy with work and you with getting adjusted in your new place, we were like ships passing in the night.” Joel’s hands cupped your face, his thumb swiping away your tears. “You don’t just give up and act like I don’t exist Joel! Why would you do that to me?!” you demanded and looked at him through tear clumped lashes. “I thought it was easier for you! Jus’ let me prove to you I can be a better man to you, darlin. Please, I need you. I’ve been so lonely without you.” Joel’s tone softened as his voice cracked, a tear falling down his face.

“This is what I’ve been wanting to hear for months. I need some space. I can’t keep doing this shit, Joel. Happy birthday.” You placed a photo of you and him in his hand that you swiped from the drawer earlier. A croak of your name left his lips before you walked away and climbed into your car. You looked at him one last time in the rearview mirror as he stood there staring at everything he just fucked up. He needed to sit with what he’d done, and you had a lot to think about on your drive back home.