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cyeayt · 1 year

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being autistic in the mormon church

being autistic in the mormon church was, for me at least, a weird experience. because i wasn't excluded or mocked very often, just smothered in that strange warm beige obligation. because they could tell, they knew i was different just like i did. so they held my hand, told the other children to be nice to me, to make sure i felt included. and my peers did, cause they didn't have a choice, raised to be polite and kind no matter what just like i was. so i was included and invited places, always as an afterthought or a checked box but invited nonetheless, injected into conversations and games by adults that my peers wouldn't dare contradict. 'well meaning' adults who ask me if im okay or if i want to join the group, talking down in the sweetest tones. every christmas and on every birthday they still track me down to give me a card about how much they miss my 'unique perspective', even though i always tried my hardest to fit in and say the normal things.

"Look at that one. it's different and broken, but you must be kind to it. help it stay in the light of god, because god is the only way to save it. we're good, and righteous, and its so lucky to be in the church because we're the only ones who'll ever tolerate it, because that's what god wants."

and i miss it sometimes. standing on the edge of people who i desperately want to be friends with, flitting around in the back of stores and staring at concert posters indecisively until the date has passed. never finding the right spot in a conversation to talk, never working up the courage to ask if i can come too, i miss the people who had to be nice. who had me on a little list in their mind of what they need to get to heaven.

but im never going back. because even i could feel that it was fake. i felt watched and judged and pitied at all times, by peers who would ask me if i was coming then talk amongst themselves about jokes i didnt get and shared friends i didnt know. and i may be lonely now, but id rather do the work and be awkward and sick with nerves and find people and spaces that i actually want to be in who actually want me to be there, even if it seems impossible now. id rather that than go back to that warm suffocating place, familiar like the worst kind of family.

also telling that all the adults im talking about are either women/afab people or members of the bishopric, people whose 'job' it is to be welcoming and nurturing, though these experiences are mostly from young womens so that would also be it, but even women who arent involved in the yw leadership are raised and taught and obligated to do this and i dont blame any of them but its always made me wildly uncomfortable. never as much as random men who would sit down next to me and just start talking like we knew each other tho so eh

#exmormonism #exmo #autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #no hate pls its all highly personal to me if you find it inaccurate make your own post #this isnt good or articulate but do you get what im saying?#in other words every mormon adult talks to me like im two and wants to make sure i know where my parents are #i know this isnt just me cause ive seen the same shit with some other queer and autistic people in my ward #but sry if this doesnt fit your experience ive mostly been part of nauseatingly liberal wards in blue cities #i used to come home from activity days every week screaming and sobbing cause i started to be able to feel how different and disconnected #i was from the other kids #everyone misses me everyone wants to know what im reading everyone wants me to know that the church loves me and so wont i stay #wont i let them love me like a sick bird in a cage #and now people are nice in way that tells me im free to come back #questioning isnt a sin as long as you find the answers in god #youll be forgiven all of this if you just come back #ugh i dont even know #salt lake city #but im singing it like the 979 theme #utah #trans #nonbinary #this isnt even about that its just another internal feeling that makes me feel different #religion #religious trauma

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gimmethatagustd · 2 years

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omg yknow what i just fucking realized

my other fic that's really long (touch me after midnight, like 19k i think?) also doesn't show up when i search its tag

is it a word count/length thing???

#ugh i dont even know #i dont think ive had this issue with my other fics before #but anyway i'll stop complaining about this now i'm sorry #jai talks #jai complains

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chalkeater · 7 months

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i have NOT drawn enough talk sprite redraws. Heres some warm ups!! RAAHH 🦖

#deltarune #susie deltarune #myself #fictive #fictives #warm up is a strong word blah blah blah i KNOW these are too detailed for them. what i MEAN by this is that theyre colored warm ups that #i ended up finishing over time lol #susart #putting this on my blog because i helped aaaaand i want people to remember that i exist lol #im NGL we also drew this because i dont know if people even remember who we are #im SURE people do but we have only had 2 commissions these past 2 months which is a little odd and off schedule #and i realized that because were not drawing what WE want to draw because weve been so busy…#then of course people might not see me! imnot drawing fanart and personal art lol #thats my little theory #PE has been a freak to me #you have no idea man. guys. ugh #anyway enjoy this lol

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toytulini · 1 year

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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

#toy txt post #god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones #let it flop..........pls #internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop #i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having #1 million bajillion disclaimers #virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word #disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word #grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used #to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023 #and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like #im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild #i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you #but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay #god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil #but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful #and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like #hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine #and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr #and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like #and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay #its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat #? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right #stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny #whatever #if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll #i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.

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solarpunkani · 1 year

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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

#out of queue #ani rambles #punks and posers #i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like #idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like #maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague #so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else #granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis #outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about #but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off #thats how movements die imo #i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing #i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets #which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later

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deoidesign · 6 months

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A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.

I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.

Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.

If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.

#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary...#steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!!#after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives.#especially specifically regarding their body/gender #and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man'#AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose'#like for fucks sake #you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon.#your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word.#god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out #dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm #they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!!#how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!!#scream.#anyways.#delete later lol im just frustrated again.#im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to

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angelpuns · 5 months

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Leo going through the horrors but the horrors are just that he had a shitt day and no one bothered to save him any cookies :/

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usertoxicyaoi · 1 year

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"You prepared this many backup sheets ... so, why? Regardless of the weather, ready to go anytime?"

MY PERSONAL WEATHERMAN (2023). Episode 3.

#my personal weatherman #asianlgbtqdramas #asiandramasource #asiandramanet #dailyasiandramas #mlmsource #boyslovesource #jdramasource #jdramaedit #*#faiza gifs #god this was so sexy i cant even TELL you.#yall want a healthy d / s relationship? LITERALLY here's one. RIGHT HERE.#'well done' oh my god OKAY.#ugh 7th gif yoh wants to be kissed SO bad its .... I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

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minsarasarahair · 8 months

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Seven Seas Entertainment using Thai edition illustration for "The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish" EN license

#i might check it out but i dont think i can read #i have long reading list ugh #im a very slow reader #i dont even know how on earth i manage to finish tgcf #danmei #the disabled tyrant's beloved pet fish #canji baojun de zhangxin yu chong #xue shan fei hu

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yusa-lisaxyuta · 1 month

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JORDAN LI HOURS OMH

ok guys im sorry i just have some thots i must share about my lord and savior Jordan Li bc oh my GOD

the different genres of Jordan too mmnmsmsnsnhshshsmd

LIKE LIKE LIKE

we have your average roommate!Jordan thats an absolute dick to u bc they want u so bad bro

always pissing u off on purpose with stupidly loud moans, PRAYING it pisses you off enough times after youve had to find refuge in marie or andre's dorms bc wtf

the way theyre so desperate it doesnt make sense anymore i swear

they literally have not even the slightest clue on how to show how much they fucking adore you so they decide to be a dick about it every chance they get because theyre more emotionally fucking constipated than katsuki bakugou himself BUT JORDAN CANT HELP IT!!!! THEY WANT U!!!! JUST U!! ONLY U!!! And they're tight asf when they cant have u!!!! LIKE WHY CANT THEY HAVE U!!!

soon they corner u and confess everything to u while just blindly raging bc they're sick and tired of this shit n at first ur js like "um what" bc you didnt realize at all and thought they hated u

and they say it so condescendingly too??? on some "Stupid fucking freshie, your fuckin' scent is all over my shit. Shit drives me wild, you know what you fuckin do to me? I dont think so. Of fucking course you dont." LIKE AAA???? But in REALITY they're praising EVERYYYYY little thinggggggg. DOWN TO UR SHITTY HANDWRITING WHEN YOU JOT THINGS DOWN?! Fucking perfect to them. But it gets them so mad, they're used to getting what they want. And they dont know how to handle it when they cant-

OH BUT WHEN JORDAN GETS U FINALLY???? OH ITS OVER FOR U POOR THING

you genuinely arent prepared for the type of down bad desperate needy sex you two have your first time together oh my GOD you dont understand

"Mine- fuckin' waited way too long, and fought too hard for this pretty pussy- pussy's mine, heart's mine- shit- can feel the heart in the pussy, mama- fuck-!"

oh no but then we have Mafia!Jordan???? UM HELLO???

(cw/tw: guns used during sex [im sorry something in my head goes wonky with jordan and guns in the same vicinity])

GETTING BENT OVER AND RAILED WITH JORDAN PUTTING A GUN TO UR HEAD???!??! AUUUURRRRR?@?!?!?

no because the dirty talk would be on POINT oh em gee think about it

"Cmon princess- don't fuckin' run. I'll make you regret it- cmon, baby. Take this fuckin' dick- fuckin love this princess cunt."

HELLOOOOOO???? sorry brb i DIED FROM OVULATION

bros makes my ovaries do backflips i swear

AND THE WAY THAT THEY SPOIL YOU?!!?!?! Now see EVERY JORDAN finna apoil tf outta you BUT MAFIA JORDAN OH GOOD GAY GOLLY GUYS. OHHHH GOLLY. The way they're such a fuckin jerk and so cold to everyone else but they make sure you ALWAYS feel like their precious little princess AUUUUGGGHHHH

"I swear, ask me for the price of that shit one more time- just fuckin' get it. Ok? Last fuckin' time i say it. Now let's go, you said you wanted to stop at Prada, right?"

this person would watch you take hours to pick out cute outfits, blow a couple racks on that shit, and watch you skip to the next store happily knowing DAMN well they have every intention to ruin that outfit.....also with the intention of buying you a better one, of course.

BACK TO THE GUNS IM SORRY BUT HEAR ME OUT- someone getting too close to u for their liking and touching you with the cold metal as punishment <3333 i mean they know you only have eyes for them but where's the fun in that, yk?

"Im guessing you like this, huh? Like when others give you attention so i can get like this, baby? If you wanted this you just had to ask... but, 'm mad now.. 'n you're gonna take everything i give you."

gahshshgshagdhsg sorry guys the demons took over im still waiting for s2 of genv 🙏 pls i need more jordan 🙏 🙏 🙏

#lix writes ! ☄. *. ⋆#lix speaks ! ☄. *. ⋆#jordan li smut #jordan li x reader #oh my god i dont even know if i should post this as a writing post or a ramble post so im putting it as both UGH

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hakucho-art · 4 months

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Touka redraw from tg:re chapter 140 for oomfs Birthday on twitter ♥️

#tbh I dont even know if... she is supposed to be fully clothed in that panel #i mean #its from kanekis perspective 👀#who knows to which exact moment he was thinking back to #ugh and touka looks so angelic in that panel #he is so gone...#tg #touka kirishima #tokyo ghoul #haku's art

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cherry-bomb-ships · 4 months

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Silver screen, cathode ray Brighter than the light of day Lover, when you see that glare Think of it as my despair Think of it as my despair for you...

So uhhhh. Y'all know about Hadestown? 👉👈💖💖💖💖 It's not one-to-one but I do think Hades and Persephone have some parallels with my self ship, one thing led to another and here we are >w< (Also go check out my partner's @rexscanonwife art for her selfship with Utonium as Orpheus and Eurydices, it SLAPS 💖💖💖💖)

[💚 Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!! 🥺 Click for higher quality, tag list under the cut! 🩶]

By the way, check out my pinned post to find my Taglist form, to be added or removed!

@absentmoon @ava-ships @bee-ships @beetleboyfriend @berryshipbasket @canongf @flabbergasting @cloudyvoid @derelictdumbass @dissonantyote @edencantstopfallininlove @final-catboy @flowering-darkness @gible-love-nibles @nagirans @hoppinkiss @hotrodharts @hyperionshipping @iwishihadfangs @iyamifucker @judetama @lex-n-weegie @lficanthaveloveiwantpower @little-miss-selfships @little-shiny-sharpies @loogi-selfships @mandrakebrew @mintpecks @mothfinite @mrs-kelly @nameless-self-ships @nerdstreak @orbitingaroundyourlove @paper-carnation @p-i-t-s @qilinkisser @reds-self-ships @rexscanonwife @rotten--cotton @ship-trek @spacestationstorybook @squips-ship @toogayforthistoday @winterworlds

#my art #oc x canon #self ship #self shipping #self insert #💜: loving you's a felony #🍒🧬: emotional processing lag #SO YEAH. Y'ALL KNOW ABT H.ADESTOWN 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#i dont even remember WHERE my idea to do this came from but i am so so happy that i did it 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#im especially proud of how i kept pieces of both my s/i's and mojo's OG designs as i created these looks for them!! >w<#like keeping cherry's poofy sleeves and the maroon color of her pants #and the visual of mojo's cape but as the overcoat hanging off his shoulders. plus if i may brag i like everything i did with his helmet uwu #the black and gold looks soooooo swaggy.... and the jewels along the bottom for the dots UGH. SORRY 💖💖💖💖#ooh also cherry's headband mimicking their headphones and the colors of their hat! i like that too teehee 💖💖💖💖#ok sorry im just rly proud of this!! i hope y'all enjoy it as well 🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖

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d4jamso · 1 year

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