#umm it's me i love writing tragedy

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

.

[hollowdeath]

Oh hello, I just wanted to tell you that what you wrote is amazing! I read it over and over and couldn't stop reading. You are soooo amazing! *((Ugly crying😭❤️))*

And umm.. I would like to share about the imagination in my head about Dark Harry Potter. He joins the Lord Voldemort and betrayed all his friends. When the war ended, the Lord's side Voldemort wins. Everything is in chaos but Harry ignores it all because he only cares about the reader, his old girlfriend. (Harry still loves the reader even though the reader hates Harry.) He might have requested that the Lord Voldemort gave the reader as a reward to him after the war. Something like that, and ummm, a drama that is both bitter and sad and angry at the same time full of longing for each other? A rough and sad lovemaking? 🥺

hi! thank you so much for requesting! i hope you enjoy!

pairing: dark!harry james potter x fem!reader AU (18+)

summary: harry's all-consuming anger successfully tempts him to join voldemort in the war, sending you, his girlfriend, away in an attempt to keep you safe. years later he asks for your return, and is met with bitterness and rage as you struggle to navigate your feelings for each other in a post-war world.

c/w: smut!!! angst!! slow burn! mentions/threats of weapons, violence, abuse, and death/murder. smut is all the way at the end (grinding, oral, penetration, submissive!harry & dominant!reader) lightly edited, not book/movie/canon accurate

word count: 12.6k

a/n: this is giving me manacled x star wars and i love it lol, so so so much fun to write. i tried to make the reader more angst-y and dominant than normal, so if you like this please let me know! sorry if the plot doesn't make much sense. i also started school this week so please be patient with me! going to try and start posting shorter blurbs/headcanons between requests <3

harry was standing at a window in the lord's manor, watching the street below him as people sulked aimlessly by. it was a typical, gloomy day, the clouds gathering heavily above. it had been raining for weeks, maybe even months at this point, and it was beginning to cast a permanent gray shadow across the city. not even the weather could escape the tragedies of the war.

though harry chose to not dwell on the war, he felt its lingering effects. even from his lofty spot in the comfort of the lord's castle, which he barely left anymore. its walls had become harry's second skin. so long as he had everything delivered to him whenever he desired, it was disgusting to him to even think of stepping outside.

yet still, harry could see the abandoned and damaged shops just outside the lord's gates lining the courtyard along the cobblestone streets. the burnt remains of what once was. the sunken-in faces of the remaining people in the city. the lack of light, the lack of life, the lack of magic.

there's a part of harry, a weak cry from deep inside his repressed past, that feels bad. he was once a young wizard with bright eyes walking the streets of these same shops. he once enjoyed the sounds of shared happiness, and found solace in the fact that despite his lack of, there would always be joy in the world around him.

however, as harry grew older, and the circumstances around him shifted, he found himself getting angrier more often. not just on a weekly basis over small interactions or mistakes, but all the time, from the moment he was awoken by his nightmares to the moment he fell back into them. harry simply had no room inside of him left for anything else. it was just anger. pure, unbridled anger that only caused annoyance at first, then small outbursts of irritation after a while, and, eventually, he couldn't look at anyone or anything without wanting to physically destroy it for no reason other than he was just angry.

harry was angry at the world for having magic in it in the first place. he hated the divide it caused between muggles and non-muggles, pure bloods and half bloods. he was angry that divide is what took his parents from him before he could even properly know them. he was angry he had to grow up in abuse and neglect under the guise of 'safety'. he was angry he never received an apology, an admittance of guilt, not even a hint of closure for the past that was still controlling his present.

the boy who used to risk his life to save hogwarts and the students inside of it would eventually be the same one to let them fall.

when voldemort came back, and harry's anger was at its worst, he knew there was a connection. he didn't know about horcruxes yet and he certainly didn't know he was one. and yet he knew, somewhere deep inside him again, that it wasn't a coincidence. there was a reason his anger was consuming him, and the reason was voldemort.

after cedric's death, harry had begun to spiral. the nightmares were worse than before, he felt deathly paranoid constantly, and couldn't escape the intruding memories of the graveyard. though harry had managed well enough afterwards, still suppressing his rage, he couldn't hide the change in his personality from those closest to him. ron and hermione were the first to bring it up, but, of course, harry had snapped and told them to mind the business that pays them. despite his resistance, they tried until the very end to help their best friend see through his anger, to remember what was right and wrong.

however, once sirius was dead, it was all over.

harry had simply lost any hope that was left within him. watching sirius fall through the veil, his eyes lifeless and cold, was like watching harry himself die. he didn't think he could get any lower, and then he watched the only family he had left be cursed just within his reach.

harry was never the same after that. when he sat in bed late at night staring at the marauders map in his lap, he thought about how much he hated this life that's been made for him. the boy who lived, the scape goat, the hero, our only hope. it was crushing. harry was just a boy. he wanted to live a normal life.

but he knew he never could. not after tom riddle, not after cedric, not after sirius. even if everything went away tomorrow and harry could just attend his classes and be with his friends, nothing would change. he would still be alone, he would still be angry, and he would still suffer from his traumas. what was the point in fighting for good or living to see the end when you would always end up alone?

except, harry wasn't alone, really. he had you.

if there was one thing in this lifetime, one thing throughout this entire war that could have saved harry, it was you.

you and harry had been classmates for a year or so before really getting to know each other, and started dating not long after. when you were around, harry knew there was something worth fighting for. though he may feel angry and everything and everyone and everything everyone said, harry could never truly be mad with you. it's like when you looked at him the anger was muted, numb, deep inside him, and as soon as someone would interrupt it was bubbling at the surface again.

you were worried about harry, of course, and saw the effects his anger had on his relationships with everyone else around him. besides you.

he remembers you clearly, still to this day, and just how upset you were anytime he lashed out. if he'd felt anything other than anger at that time, it would've been guilt. guilt for hurting you, for scaring you. guilt, but not guilty enough to stop.

the anger was stronger.

even when you asked him, begged him, please, harry, please stop letting your anger win, and even when he promised, swore on his own grave, that he would try harder to stop for you, he never did.

harry was beyond angry. he was spiteful. all he had ever been was kind, a pushover who gave everyone the respect he was never graced with. he's saved strangers who wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire. he's lost his family in their sacrifice for the greater good that now rested upon harry's 16 year old shoulders.

he was beginning to think the fight wasn't worth it.

not only did the fight for good no longer seem worthy to harry, the fight against it only seemed to become more enticing. why should harry continue to risk his life and sanity when there would always be fights of blood purity? why should he be the hero everyone else has always wanted him to be?

for a long time, the answer was you. you were reason enough for harry to keep fighting, to keep his anger under control. when he looked at you things made sense for just a moment, his suffering was worth it to see you alive and well. until it wasn't.

everyone has a breaking point, and harry felt like he had finally reached his. as the war had geared up to a point of no return, harry had to make a decision. he had always assumed his decision was already made for him since birth, but he soon realized he never actually had to follow this path set for him in the first place. he was free to do as he pleased. he wasn't dumbledore, he wasn't his parents, he wasn't even the hero everyone thought he was. he was angry. he was spiteful.

worse than that, harry was vengeful.

so, when he met voldemort in the woods during the battle of hogwarts to accept his death, harry instead offered him a proposal the dark lord simply couldn't refuse. harry potter, his living horcrux, would become his successor upon his death. harry would fight with and for voldemort, training to become the most powerful dark wizard in history, and to finally let tom riddle rest well knowing the world was in just as dark, evil hands as his own.

though voldemort was skeptical at first, naturally, as harry expected him to be, he could eventually see the darkness within harry nearly consuming him whole. he was as serious as death itself. he no longer had the desire within him to continue fighting for, what he saw as, a lost cause. voldemort was rather pleased with this news, though never expected harry to come around like he did. he hadn't even considered it, really. but who was he to deny his own successor?

upon harry's return to hogwarts with voldemort and his death eaters in tow, every single person who watched was stunned into silence. even mcgonagall, who had been instructing and encouraging the students all night in their fight, had become speechless and teary eyed at the sight. ron had to catch hermione, who nearly fell to the floor.

but nobody was as upset as you were.

you had already been sobbing watching harry walk off into the woods towards his own death thinking you would never see him alive again. only to watch him emerge from the same treeline with the enemy by his side. it's like you got kicked in the gut. you would've almost rather never seen harry again.

"harry!" you had screamed in a broken voice as he crossed the bridge, voldemort's snake slithering at his feet. you were running to him, breaking through the multiple arms that tried to hold you back.

voldemort tried to raise his wand to you, but harry had stopped him, telling him to let him handle it. he was suspicious at first, still not fully trusting harry's intentions just yet, but was reassured by the sinister look in his eyes.

harry looked at you. he remembers feeling a twinge of that same guilt from before, the tiniest spark of hope deep within his rage. he really did love you, at least at some point he did. you would've made all of this worth it, you would've been the reason to keep going. but not even you were reason enough anymore. for so long he had been ready to take his revenge on the world that failed him.

"harry, what are you doing?" you had asked him, voice shaking. you were almost whispering, your eyes nervously glancing towards voldemort every other second in fear for your safety. harry grabbed your hands but you pulled them back, a look of disgust coming across your face.

"come with me." harry had told you. your look of disgusted transformed into shock, anger, confusion, and guilt. there were mumblings coming from the crowd of students behind you. "what?" you had asked, nearly breathless at this point, your eyes searching him for answers.

"come with me, [y/n]. i want you by my side as i become the most powerful dark lord in the world." harry explained, taking steps towards you with an excited grin on his face, his eyes still dark with corruption. you were still in shock when he grabbed for your hands. he kissed your knuckles softly with a quiet, "i love you,"

he had meant it, but not like he used to.

it took a few moments of silence and some tense eye contact before you pulled your hands away, letting the tears fall again as you attempted to gather your words. "you can't do this, harry. i will never join the dark lord. you know this isn't right, why are you doing this? why? why?" you're practically begging for an answer as harry looked away, an irritated expression on his face, clenching his jaw together. your hands reached for his shirt and jacket, trying to shake some sense into him as you grasped them tightly and pulled him closer.

"don't you love me?" you had asked him in the most heartbreaking, soul crushing voice. your words were weak, but your sentiment was palpable. you were bloody, dirty, covered in scars from fighting, holding harry close to you as you begged him with wide eyes. not too much earlier in the year he would've folded immediately looking at you, so innocent and desperate, his last bit of hope in the world.

but it was already far too late.

"take her to azkaban," harry had announced, angling his head back to the deatheaters behind him, keeping his eyes locked with yours. your grip on his clothes loosened and shocked gasps came from the crowd. harry looked at voldemort, who was a bit puzzled by the situation, but backed up harry's real nonetheless. "you heard the boy," he snapped towards the men behind him.

the deatheaters walked towards you as you stepped away from harry. "no, no, no, stop!" you were screaming, trying to back away from them, but they had grabbed your arms aggressively and began dragging you towards the bridge. "[y/n]!" a few students had shouted, running towards you before their attempts were blocked by a wave of voldemort's wand. the students fell to the ground, watching helplessly as you continued to fight your way out of the deatheaters' grasps. harry stood still, emotionless, completely stoic as he heard your desperate wails and calls for his name disappear into the woods behind him.

the rest of that night or day or whatever it was has since been completely blocked out of harry's mind, forever. his rage had reached a level he didn't know was possible. all he could recall anymore is the blood, the screaming, the running, and the light of his wand in his hand. many students and professors died during that battle at his hand, along with voldemort's and the deatheaters'. the castle was then burned to the ground, signifying the end of the battle. hogwarts had never stood a chance.

and, now, harry stands in the dark lord's manor, staring at the abandoned buildings lining his street, and he's thinking of you.

he often wondered how life would have been if you had joined him that day. though his years since have been packed with death, fights, destruction, and chaos, there were moments alone or in peril where you crossed his mind like a gentle breeze. a simpler part of his past, a light in his darkness. your soft, kind eyes, wide with shock as you back away from him, fixated on the deatheaters coming to collect you. your sweet, melodic voice screaming and breaking as you were dragged away, fighting for your freedom. harry could remember the moment perfectly despite everything else in his life being a blur.

he wonders how you would have filled the role as his partner in crime after choosing him. two dark lords unstoppable against the forces of the wizarding world, fighting 'good' and spreading evil just as he had been this whole time. would you have succumbed easily to the temptation? would you be as dark as harry was? could you maybe even be darker?

but harry knew it was a fruitless endeavor from the beginning. he had wanted to ask you anyways, to at least give you a chance to make the decision to be with him, even if he already knew what your response would be. harry was a bit let down at first, hoping maybe there was enough love between you to push morals aside, but he knew he would never be that lucky. part of why he fell in love with you way before his anger began was your commitment and dedication to what you believed was right. that same trait would be the driving force behind his decision to lock you away.

harry knew you. and he knew you wouldn't stop fighting until your body gave out, and maybe even after that. he may have lost you by sending you to azkaban for the foreseeable future of the war, but he'd rather know you were safe somewhere solitary than spend his years wondering where your dead body had been rotting into the dirt all this time. though azkaban was desolate, dark, isolated, and torturous, it allowed harry to sleep at night thinking of your still-beating heart resting safely behind those impenetrable walls.

lately his nights had become more restless, though, as the thought of you still residing in azkaban began to sit with him. he didn't feel guilt, really, he knew it was what was ultimately best for you. but he did miss you.

after the war had died down and voldemort took his place as the rightful dark lord of the world, harry's anger began to subside for the first time in years. rather than rage fueling his insatiable desire to destroy, he felt incredibly numb and disengaged with everything around him. the desolate streets and grim sky and abandoned city outside the windows began to fit his mental state more and more. for the first time since he was a teenager, harry could see past the anger.

and all he wanted was you.

so, harry had reached out to the dark lord, who spent most of his time at his new ministry castle across the country from the old manor he let harry watch over. they communicated every so often, checking in on business and social matters, but otherwise never had to meet in person. 

harry sent him a letter asking for your release and direct delivery to his household, barring from reason. he felt after the war he had lead with and for voldemort, he owed harry a singular favor all these years later.

it only took 2 days for a confirmation letter to be sent back to harry, signed by voldemort himself, dating your arrival for the next day.

harry had his house elf, jinx, make up your room, asking her to be sure it was comfortable and clean before your delivery tomorrow afternoon, and to also provide plenty of options for dinner.

harry spent all night thinking about you, wondering what you'd look like after all this time. how similar or different you would be from what he remembers. how you'd react to seeing him. he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't react well, likely needing an extended period of alone time to adjust being here before he'd ever get a civil moment with you. but he was up for the challenge, otherwise he'd never ask for your return in the first place. he was releasing his anger, and instead building his patience, if not just to hold you one more time.

there was a delicious smell filling the mansion as the clock drew nearer to your arrival. harry was dressed better than he had been in years, and had jinx make the usually desolate looking building feel warm and inviting. fireplaces roaring, warm lamps flooding the hallways, and the grand dining table set to perfection for 2 particular guests.

harry didn't want to make it too obvious, but it was hard for him to hide how excited he was to see you again. even if you were different, even if you hated him, all he wanted was to see you in person, his eyes locking with yours for the first time since the day you were dragged away at his command.

once the hour was upon him, harry could hear footsteps and voices on the second floor. his heart leaped, setting down his glass of wine before heading for the stairs.

"let go of me, let go of me," a strained voice was crying down the hall, the sounds of a struggle coming from harry's left. he saw two house elves, rather squat and bulky, holding onto the arms of a frail body covered in a simple striped prison dress.

one elf turned to harry and gave him a devilish grin, "ah, there's the man himself!" he growled, his partner turning as well. "sorry we were late, mr. potter, someone here wasn't too keen on leaving azkaban, for some reason," he apologizes, pulling at the arm he's holding.

you slowly turn your head and stop struggling, your eyes wide with fear and mouth dropped open. "harry?" you whispered to yourself, your knees nearly giving out beneath you before the elves aggressively pulled you back up.

the first elf groans, rolling his eyes at you. "where can we put her, huh?" he asks, his tone impatient. harry pulls a few gold coins out of his pocket and hands them over to both of the elves. "right here is just fine. thank you, boys," he tells them.

the elves happily accept the tips and drop you to the ground, quickly disappearing in a flash.

you're left heavily breathing on the floor of the hall, sniffling and groaning in pain before diverting your attention to harry. your eyes were still wide, your eyebrows creased in confusion as you tried to move yourself further away from him on your hands and knees.

harry gave you your space, but watched intently as you nervously increased the distance between both of you. your hair was long, tangled, greasy, and falling around you like a curtain. you were smaller than he remembered, your eyes sunken in and cheeks more hollowed than before. you were pale, and visibly dirty. the soles of your feet were nearly black.

harry felt a pain in his stomach, his blood pressure rising imagining how you lived inside the walls of the prison. he couldn't identify the feeling. it was different from anger, but it wasn't far off.

as you continued to back up, your eyes shifted to a widow on your right. you slowly gained the energy to lift yourself and reach for the window, throwing it open before attempting to stick your hand out.

your hand hit the open window like you had never moved the glass barrier. you continued trying to stick your hand and head out, hitting at the invisible barrier with all your strength, making frustrated sounds.

"there's a spell on the house, love. you can't leave, just for now, until we can work things out," harry tried to explain gently as you continued trying to escape. he took a step towards you and you stepped away, leaning on the wall for support as you began to cry harder.

"get away from me, get away, what the fuck, what the fuck is happening," you tried to shout at him, your faced turned away and other arm putting distance between you and harry. you were gasping for air, your voice stressed and broken, shaking your head as you tried to continue backing up into the wall.

harry still attempted to give you your space. he hated to see you like this. you were so defensive and scared of everything going on around you. he wanted to give you time to calm down, but felt you needed to know what was going on.

"[y/n]," harry said, causing your head to snap towards him with curious eyes. your arm lowered slightly, your knees still weak beneath you. "listen to me, okay? just for a second," harry tried to ask kindly. he hadn't realized just how long it had been since he talked to someone this gently.

you continued to stand defensively, your eyes scanning harry up and down nervously as your breathing slowly started to still.

harry sighed, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before turning his attention to you again. "i know this is a lot, and i know it's confusing," he starts, his voice unexpectedly shaky. "but i asked voldemort, and i had you released from azkaban. i figured you may like a warm place to stay, so i had you brought here,"

you still looked confused for a moment before you narrowed your eyes, your arm coming up once again to defend yourself. "what are you talking about? where are we?" you asked harry suspiciously, still scanning him from head to toe.

"my manor. well, the lord's manor, but, essentially mine," harry says a bit awkwardly. you gave him a look of disgust, leaning further into the wall for support. "why would i want to be here? with you?" you practically spat at him with hatred in your eyes. harry was unaffected.

"i know you don't. but there's nowhere else to go. i promise." harry tells you solemnly. your eyes widen a bit again, a flash of fear coming across your face, but the anger quickly returns.

"i'd rather live in rubble than prop my feet up in the dark lord's manor," you say sharply, taking a step towards him in attempt to intimidate him. though you weren't much shorter than harry, you were weak, and tired, and he wasn't necessarily afraid of your threats.

he took a step back anyways, giving you more space. "look," he says, his eyes turning to the floor before he can steady his breathing and reply. "it's just for now. if you really don't want to stay, i won't make you." he says softly before returning his eyes to yours. they're not as bright as he remembers them in his dreams about you.

"but," he says, causing your jaw to clench. "you will stay until you're well again. and it's not up for debate." harry tells you firmly, his tone not as gentle as before.

you swallow harshly, your stomach growling audibly as the smell of the food downstairs begins to settle into your senses.

harry notices this and smirks to himself before quickly returning to a neutral state. "now," he announces, straightening out his blazer. "until the food is ready, there's a room made up for you just down this hall and to your left. it has a bathroom, and clothes. take all the time you need." he says before promptly turning on his heels and heading downstairs, his heart still racing from his encounter with you.

sitting in the living room watching the fireplace in front of him, harry eventually hears the door of your new bedroom click open and swiftly close. not long after he can hear the plumbing rumble as you take your first shower. he smiles at the fact that you're finally in his life once more, even if the circumstances were completely unusual.

harry's nearly concerned and wanting to send jinx to check on you after 2 hours of running water before it stops, the sound of the bathroom fan taking its place. harry's relieved.

"jinx, could tell our guest the foods ready," harry tells the elf as she brings the last tray from the kitchen to the dining room. she nods to herself, shuffling up the stairs sluggishly.

harry's pouring another glass of wine in the kitchen and decides to pour you one as well. on his way into the dining room, he sees you standing in the entryway. you're dressed in a large jumper, oversized pajamas bottoms, and your hair is still rather wet plopped into a bun on top of your head. your skin is rubbed raw, your cheeks still flushed pink as you analyze the table full of food in front of you.

harry smiles at your shocked gaze, your stomach growling again as he tries to hand you your glass of wine. you turn your nose at him, taking a step back. he smiles curtly and heads to his seat, setting your glass with his.

"figured you might be hungry," harry says as he sits down, his plate made for him already. he looks at you, arms still crossed, nose turned away, but eyes peeking at the endless food at your disposal. he can tell you're trying to keep your guard up, but your stomach hasn't stopped rumbling since you came downstairs.

he gestures to your chair just across from him, a plate made for you as well. you look at him, your eyes curious but expression still tight. you carefully take a step closer to the table, but you're still weary.

harry gives you a sympathetic smile. "after tonight you can have any meal you want in your solitude. i just thought i'd be nice and host my guest for the first night," he tells you, catching your gaze.

your curious look quickly turns to one of anger. "i'm not your guest. i'm practically a prisoner again." you hiss, your eyes boring into his with contempt. harry can sense the rage building inside of you. he's familiar with the feeling.

though you were different in so many ways, your dull eyes and lifeless voice, you were also similar in your determined attitude. you had always been the type to stand up and take charge, which harry completely admired and was impressed by. he found your beauty to be most potent in your strong will and cunning mind.

he admired you for just a moment, looking down at him with enough hatred to send shivers over his body. you looked so young, your skin supple and smooth under the light of the candles and fireplace, your hair falling loosely to frame your furrowed brow. you were just as pretty as he remembered, even if your expression always contained a hint of sadness and fear around him.

harry simply smiles softly, sitting back in his chair. "i prefer guest," he says teasingly. you suddenly snap at him, grabbing for his steak knife and pushing your arm to his neck against the back of the chair, holding the point of the knife to the side of his neck.

if looks could kill, the knife would've been unnecessary. your eyes were nearly black as you shakily push against harry's throat. "let me out of here now or i swear, harry," your voice cracks saying his name. "i swear i'll fucking kill you," you spit, leaning further into your grasp him on, your jaw clenched tightly.

harry, to your surprise, just chuckles to himself, not even struggling to breathe as he looks up at you deviously. your eyes widen just before you feel your arms start to move for you, as well as your legs. your neck is strained as well, an invisible force pushing you away from harry as the knife drops from your hand.

you're suddenly released from the mysterious grasp, and you choke out a breath, looking back at harry. he's smirking, but trying not to let you see as his pointed hand lowers from you. he fixes his shirt and chair, gesturing again to your seat across from him. "as thrilling as that was, love, not yet. i'd like you to stay here for at least a month before i consider placing you elsewhere." harry states, picking his knife back up to place on the table.

you stare at harry incredulously. "a month?" you ask, your face turning red again. you take another step towards him but you falter in fear of him using the same force as before to stop you. you stumble as your mind races to gather your thoughts. "how…you…i'm not staying here for a month! this is insanity! how could you send me away like that and just bring me back like it was nothing? a shower and a plate of food and suddenly those 5 years in azkaban never happened?"

you're now shouting at harry with a broken voice, your emotions on high as the tears threaten to fall again. harry watches you, just watches, and simply gestures to your chair again. "just join me," he insists.

you go to yell again, but harry sternly interrupts. "we can discuss this another time. please. sit down." he commands from you.

your mask drops for a moment, a look of fear crossing your face before diverting your eyes away completely to your chair. your stomach growls again, your hand covering it to hide the sound.

it takes a few moments until you slowly make your way to sit down, glancing at harry before taking your seat. harry begins eating silently, and, not long after, you're digging into your first real plate of food in years.

harry can't help but smile to himself subtly watching you indulge yourself for a moment, the mask slipping again as you gratefully shovel spoonfuls of food into your mouth with a sigh of relief. he was glad you were eating, even if he had to put up a bit of a fight to convince you.

as harry finishes up, you're still making your way through your second plate. he stands, grabbing your attention and making you curl back into your seat. "jinx," he calls out before sipping the last of his wine. jinx comes to the table and grabs harry's glass and plate, turning to take them to the kitchen. 

"[y/n], this is jinx," harry motions to the elf, who gives you a warm smile. you return the smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes. "if you ever need anything, anything at all, don't be afraid to ask her. she lives to serve," harry tells you proudly, earning a slight look of disgust from you before returning a smile at jinx.

"this was a lovely dinner, ms. jinx, thank you so much, truly," you thank her honestly. she bows to you slightly before continuing her way through the doors to the kitchen.

you shoot harry a glare. "the harry i knew would've never kept a house elf," you say, your words dripping with disdain. harry ignores your statement, turning to the stairs before ascending them.

he leaves you alone at the dining table, closing himself off in the master bedroom for the night. just as he's finishing up brushing his teeth, he hears your door click shut. that night he fell asleep feeling more reassured than he had in years knowing the pretty girl he couldn't keep his mind off of was asleep just down the hall from him.

it had been a few weeks since harry moved you in, and he rarely ended up seeing you in the mansion. you were often locked away in your room, or taking showers, and harry only ever saw you when you were finishing up a meal with jinx.

you had become quite close with her, it seems, which harry found sweet. he was worried at first that you may be using jinx as a way to find an escape from the house, but after a while without incident, harry realized how silly the idea was. you truly could connect with anyone.

one of the only other times he saw you, though, was when he passed by the open library one night. harry had been restless, thinking about his past in depth, feeling emotions he couldn't place, and decided to watch the sunrise to clear his head. he took a quick glance through the doors before spotting you curled up on one of the couches, a book in hand, fast asleep beside a warm lamp.

harry stopped, taking a moment to admire you from afar. you had gained some weight back being here, which harry loved to see. your cheeks were full and rounded, your hands not as frail, and the color was coming back to your skin. your hair looked impossibly soft under the light, sprawled everywhere around your angelic, sleeping face. harry couldn't help the cheesy smile that overcame his face. he was just happy that you were okay.

outside of that, harry spent most of his time alone, thinking about you. you hadn't reached out to him yet, which he expected, but was surprised when a month came and went and you still didn't confront him. he hadn't made his decision just yet, so he didn't have an answer for you even if you had asked him. he saw you were doing better, but still wasn't confident in letting you go. not just for selfish reasons, of course, but he wanted to be sure you were equipped enough to live on your own.

but, harry had to admit, his heart raced when he heard your soft footsteps pass his door to the stairs. his mind went blank seeing your figure standing in the dining room with jinx, chatting over a plate of snacks together. his blood ran cold when he heard your soft giggle from somewhere in the mansion. like a beautiful ghost haunting his past.

harry knew even before he sent his letter to voldemort that his feelings for you had never truly gone away. deep under his rage, his unforgiving heart, his cold blooded nature, his love for you had always remained. but he was learning to accept your departure if you chose to do so. a final goodbye to the most beautiful part of his unsightly life. harry wasn't sure he could handle the idea.

he was struggling with his thoughts, the constant back and forth he was feeling about you. at first harry was sleeping better with you there knowing you were safe, but now he stayed up late worrying himself sick over the decisions he had to make now that you were actually there.

sitting in bed, staring at the rising sun through his window, harry's mind was exhausting him. he hadn't slept all night and could feel the effects setting in. slowly, he stood from the bed and slipped on his house shoes along with his robe. he quietly leaves his room to not disturb you so early just down the hall.

he walks to the opposite end of the hall towards the balcony, and takes his usual seat facing the sunrise.

harry contemplates here most mornings, but never comes to any radical conclusions. he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what's best for you anymore. he knows he selfishly wants you all to himself still, but also knows you deserve to live the life you want no matter what his opinion is. it's the same conversation with himself every time, and it leaves him confused and upset for keeping you here like he is. even if his heart is in the right place.

his thoughts are interrupted by jinx, who offers harry a cup of tea. he thanks her, but quickly calls her back to ask a question. "jinx, um…[y/n], how is she doing?" he asks.

jinx, a quiet house elf, gives harry a smile, and pats his shoulder. her smile is warm and reassuring, as well as her hand. as she walks off, harry smiles to himself a bit. he's not completely satisfied with the answer, but he takes what he can get.

finishing his cup of tea with the sun shining over the horizon, harry turns to head inside before being met with the sight of you standing at the open doorway of the balcony. 

you're dressed in a simple long sleeve pajama shirt along with comfortable pants, your arms crossed as the morning chill sets into the air. harry's a bit startled at first, but gives you a polite smile, diverting his eyes and walking around you to leave you be.

"harry," you said softly, turning to him.

harry's heart dropped, but turned to you promptly with eager eyes. the way you said his name, your soft voice, he was already so captivated by you.

"can we talk?"

now harry was worried. this is what he's been afraid of since you got here. he's not ready to answer you. he doesn't know what he's going to say when you desperately ask him to leave and never come back.

"of course," he says calmly, gesturing to the balcony so you could sit together.

once you've joined him in watching the sun, you two fall into a somewhat comfortable silence as the soft wind whistles past.

"i never thanked you," you said quietly after a while, almost a whisper in the wind. harry looked at you, looking at the sunrise. your face was radiant. you were brilliant in the light of the sun, your hair still impossibly soft and beautiful, falling around you, following the flow of the air. harry was overwhelmed with the beauty your presence held in this moment. "you never had to."

you glanced at harry, studying his expression, before turning back to the sun. "it's also been a month." you state coldly. harry's gaze drops, sighing. "57 days, technically," he mumbles.

a few moments of silence pass again, leaving harry an anxious mess in his seat. he tried to think of a gentle way to let you know he still needed time to decide what to do. a way to tell you without putting his life at risk to your anger.

"well, as much as i hate to say this, you were right," you say, still watching the sunrise in deep thought. harry was shocked by your words, immediately sitting up in his seat to get a better look at your face.

you were stoic, your eyes fixated on the scene out beyond your reach. "what?" harry asked, not believing his own ears. a small smile crept to your lips, the first one he's managed to see himself since you've been here. his heart aches at just the hint of seeing it again.

"don't make me say it again, potter," you try to say threateningly with that small smile, your eyes falling to your lap.

harry is stunned into silence, watching you with careful eyes. "but, you were right. i needed time to be healthy again." you said to him, your back still turned. harry stayed quiet, allowing you to continue. "i was angry with you. i still am. i don't think it'll ever stop," you inform him, the coldness returning to your voice. "but," he was preparing himself for the rejection, the questions, the begging.

"i'd like to stay, if you'll have me," you offer in a slightly embarrassed tone, your face turned the other way.

to say harry was shocked at your request is an understatement. he was expecting you to have a plan to take him out if he had rejected your request to leave yet. he never considered the idea that you might actually want to stay with him.

"i'll have you forever, if you let me," harry responds, a small smile on his face as well. you shoot him a warning look. "not forever. just until i feel well again." you tell him, your voice cold once more. you turn back to the sun, now completely over the horizon. "figured you owe me that much," you say in an accusatory voice.

harry just smirks to himself. you could never be soft for long when he was around. but he appreciated that you felt you could ask him to stay, though you never had to in the first place. harry really would have had you forever, if you'd let him.

"stay as long as you need to." he says.

you glance back at him again, your eyes softer this time. you're analyzing him for a moment before turning to him a bit. "it took me a long time to understand why you sent me to azkaban," you tell him, your voice steady and emotionless. harry just watches you, admiring the light surrounding you.

"you would've never stood a chance in destroying the world had i been free," you state, your eyes still examining him. harry offers you another small smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes the same way. "you knew you were weak," you say.

harry's now analyzing your expression, your words swimming around in his mind. "i did," he admitted to you. "it was just easier if i knew where you were all this time," he says breathlessly.

your eyes narrow at him once more, the anger returning to your body language. "easier for you. i would've never done the same if the roles were reversed." you snapped at him harshly. harry believed you. he thought about it a lot in his nightly battles with his own mind.

"you're right," harry stated, still admiring you in your anger. you were upset, but gave harry a questioning look. your eyes softened only a bit. "i think about it all the time," he admits to you gently.

you're a bit puzzled by his admittance of guilt, but don't let it stop you. "i hope it haunts you at night the way it haunts me," you say sharply, your eyes dark.

"always has," harry says to himself, only making you more angry. "you poor thing. must've been so tough relaxing in this mansion knowing i was rotting away in solitary confinement." your voice is strong, powerful, a contrast to the broken words you gave harry your first day here.

"it was," harry says simply, sensing your rising impatience with him. you stood from your seat, towering over him as he continued watching you in wonder. "you evil little rat. you're just lucky my magic is restricted by this spell. i would've killed you in your sleep that first night." you threaten him, gesturing to the protection spell around the castle and balcony.

harry wants to stop himself, but can't keep the smirk off his face. this only angers you more, pulling your arm back and slapping harry square across his face.

he doesn't react, instead allowing himself to stay facing away from you. "i hate you," you state weakly, your hands balled at your side. harry looks at you, the smirk still playing on his lips. "i know," he says softly.

you frustratedly sit back down, turning to look back at the sunrise once more.

a long silence settles over you two, listening to the sounds of the city as it awakens around you. eventually, you stand, turning to leave harry alone on the balcony. you pause before you leave.

"i still never thanked you, harry." you speak softly, your back turned to him. he looks over at you, your curves glowing in the morning light. "you never had to," he replies, and you're off down the dark hallway.

for the next few months, you and harry live together amicably. he sees you around more often as you start to leave the confines of your room. of course the library was a place of solace for you, but he started to see you more in the living room, on the balcony, or in the dining room enjoying jinx's company. for a while you two exchanged polite greetings, simple glances and acknowledgements, before asking about each other's days, or commenting on the weather. it was agonizingly slow for harry, but he was breaking through your walls one way or another.

one day not long after you'd slapped him on the balcony, you sat in the living room with harry, across from his seat on the couch. he was surprised by your presence, but gave you a small smile over his book anyway. "jinx tells me you've been acting different," you'd stated bluntly, watching his face for a reaction.

harry put down the book he was reading, giving you his attention. "have i?" he asks. you were always examining him, your eyes critical but curious at the same time. "she says your anger used to be terrible. even worse than i remember." you lead him on.

harry bit his lip thinking about the years where his rage was at its worst. he tried not to dwell on them, and instead tried to focus on the newfound emotions consuming his life. but he couldn't deny the path of destruction he'd left while seeing red.

harry eventually nodded, his eyes distant. "it was," he admits, his voice just as lost in thought. you shifted in your seat. "you let it ruin everything, harry." you said softly, leaving him looking at the floor in disappointment. "i know," he admitted.

the silence between you was palpable. harry felt the weight of it on his shoulders before you spoke again. "i would hear about the things you did while in azkaban. the guard would tell me even after i asked him to stop." you inform him. harry can still feel your eyes shooting daggers at him.

"for so long i fantasized about being the one to kill you, to finally put an end to voldemort." you said wistfully. harry glanced at you, seeing a longing look on your face. "how brave of [y/n] to put her love aside to kill the dark lord's apprentice." you said in a mocking tone, leaning back in your seat.

harry watched you, imagining you in azkaban, dreaming of putting an end to his life, while he dreamed of freeing you. it was a fair trade, he thought, and not one he would argue against at this point. and it didn't go unnoticed that you mentioned your love for him, either.

"you still can," harry says, causing you to snap your eyes back at him. "excuse me?" you ask with a sneer. harry puts his book to the side and sits up, his feet planted on the ground. "kill me, that is. it's not impossible." he tells you with intrigue.

you're staring at him incredulously, your eyes always searching him. "you're…you're kidding, right? i mean, you took my magic while yours seems to be highly skilled. you really think i'd stand a chance?" you ask with a sarcastic laugh.

harry stands from his seat, taking achingly slow steps around the coffee table towards you. "yes, while your magic is weak, you are not, [y/n]. i've gone out of my way to keep the knives, fire pokers, swords, and hundreds of books on potions and charms out for your use, at any time, have i not?" harry questions you, getting closer now. though you would normally pull back from him, you stay seated, trying to process his words.

standing just before you, harry admires the curves of your face against the light of the fire. "with your nimble step and cunning wit," harry lifts his hand to gently put his fingers to your chin. the first physical contact he's had with you. unless you count the time you held that knife to his throat. "you could gut me like a pig before i even have the chance to squeal," harry's voice is soft but dark, your breathing caught in your throat at the contact.

as he backed away, harry could see the physical effect he had on you. your nervous blinking, your jaw tightening, hands trembling; he found it sweet he could still do that to you, even if you claimed to hate him.

after that day, harry felt less tension between you two. maybe being vulnerable around you made you realize he was never a threat to begin with. he didn't want anything from you, and he didn't care if you never wanted anything from him. as long as you were safe, that was all he cared about. he hoped you were starting to understand that.

though conversations between you were still tense and cryptic, there was a sense of unspoken comradery that felt nostalgic to you both. your serious, brooding angst matched with harry's calm, collected coldness made for an interesting match. it was never the same as before, you were both fairly aware it wasn't ever going to be, but there was an undoubted chemistry that still lingered from your teenage years together.

however, something else that always lingered during your interactions is your distaste for harry's actions. at any chance you can, you poke and prod at his past, partly to understand, he assumes, but also to test his limits. you were always cautious and suspicious of his submissive behavior when it came to this kind of confrontation; how could someone who was, at least at one point, so evil, so cruel and heartless, become so nonchalant about their past? who wipes out entire cities just to 'not dwell on it'?

this was always a point of contention between you, even if everything else until that point had been somewhat playful. it never so much upset harry as it riled you up, bringing strong emotions to the forefront, causing you to lash out at him. though he always stayed calm, he also always seemed to listen. he never disagreed with your feelings or sentiments, if anything he agreed with your hatred for himself. it's like that day in the living room when he tempted you with his death, and yet you never took the bait.

harry rather enjoyed watching you work yourself up, and admired how quick you were to defend yourself. he never wanted to upset you, of course, but sometimes he couldn't help his cheeky responses knowing it would get a look out of you that made his heart jump. it might not be the most gentlemanly thing he does, but something about your anger excited him. it was nothing like his vengeful rage from the past, but it had its own potency that ran a chill down his spine. harry was so used to everyone cowering away from him in fear of his power that he relished your open aggression towards him. it was thrilling, and it was exactly what he needed.

harry tried to remain respectful of his guest, but having such a beautiful mind and body occupy his space with him was hard to ignore sometimes. his eyes would wander, as well as his thoughts, and he had caught himself fantasizing about you a few too many times to admit. you were stunning, of course, you always had been, but there was something about you now that elevated your beauty in harry's eyes. maybe it was the dark, unforgiving coldness of your eyes, or the strong scowl that your expression rested in, or the underlying anger that was ready to bubble over at any point, but harry was completely infatuated with who you had become.

he knew how hypocritical it was for him to admire the parts of you that were forced out in your desperation to survive the decision he made for you all those years ago. though you seldom mentioned your years in azkaban, harry could see and feel the effects it continued to have on you. they weighed on him heavily, and though harry wasn't one to regret what's happened in the past, he wished he could've figured out another way to protect you at the time. a way that didn't dim the light inside of you the way that it has been.

but still, that light was there. when you smiled to yourself at your own quips, when you admired the food jinx prepares you, when you lost yourself in your books, harry could physically feel the light radiating within you. it was familiar, like an old hug from a friend, and was unmistakably beautiful.

sometimes he felt like a teenager again, discovering the parts of you that made him fall in love in the first place. your natural charm, your captivating eyes, the innate draw he felt to you simply by being in your presence. it was unlike anything he's felt for another person, before or since meeting you. but rather than two teenagers flirting over study dates, you were now two closed off adults with a complicated history and 'break up', if you could even call it that. it was nothing like the past, yet it was entirely too similar.

you and harry had been sitting in silence together in the living room, reading your respective books, enjoying each other's company. it was one of harry's favorite things to do with you now, and one of the only ways you two could be together without it ending in tension. neither of you talked, neither of you made noise outside of the occasional chuckle or gasp at your readings; it was a peaceful excuse for harry to be near you, and sometimes admire you from over the pages.

this night, however, you broke the traditional silence by asking harry a question you'd been keeping to yourself. "harry," you started. he loved the sound of his name in your voice, it was invigorating to listen to.

harry turned his head to you, his book still in his lap, noticing you've long since placed yours on the table beside you. "[y/n]," he responded with his typical smirk, returning his eyes to his book.

you cleared your throat a bit, your ankles crossing in front of you. "how often did you think of me," it was more of a statement than a question, your tone not as cold and questioning as it typically was.

harry knew what you meant, of course, and waited a moment before answering you. "i'd never stopped," he said simply. it was true, and it still is.

you turned to look at the fireplace, your knees bouncing out of the corner of harry's eye as he pretends to continue reading. "but you never came back for me," you stated. harry's eyebrows furrowed, glancing at you again before looking away to leave you with your words. "you left me there to die," you said, that familiar coldness returning to your tone.

harry let out a sharp breath. "that was never my intention, and you know that." he says without a reaction. you become visibly irritated, your jaw clenching with your fists. "you never thought about me," you insisted, your words heavy with contempt.

harry shut his book and threw it beside him, leaning towards you. you turned to glare at him, your nostrils flared. "i was lucky to sleep one full night in the last 5 years without a singular dream of you." he tells you, his voice as steady as his eye contact. "you haunt me like a ghost, [y/n]. you always will."

you're looking at him questionably as you stand from your seat across from him, now making your way towards him. "good. i hope you never forget about what you did to me. i won't." you hiss at him, your cheeks turning red. harry's mind races with you towering over him, leaning back in his seat to fully enjoy the view.

"how could i forget about you?" he quips, that same damn smirk making you grit your teeth. you take another, heavier step towards him, your fists trembling at your sides. "stop fucking doing that," you spit threateningly.

harry cocks his head to the side, looking you up and down. he likes seeing you like this, even if it scares him a bit. "what?" he asks, pushing you even further.

you step between his legs and lean into his face, only leaving a few inches between you. "that, you fucking creep. is this funny to you?" your voice is raised now, the anger finally starting to boil over again. "not at all," harry says, still smirking at your reaction.

"then wipe the smirk off your face and stop doing this to me, harry." you instruct him, leaning back to cross your arms in front of you. harry's biting his lip, not able to resist the lustful thoughts he's having of you in this situation. "doing what, exactly?" he asks, curious what you mean.

"this, all of this, harry. you look at me like a starving animal. you watch me around the house like a stalker. you say you think of me all the time and yet you've only so much as touched my chin." you rattle off, clearly frustrated with these thoughts you've kept inside. "you bring me back here and have me live like a princess when there's people outside who live like animals because of you and what you've done," you continue to raise your voice at him, now getting yourself completely worked up.

harry just watches you, like always, not disagreeing with any of your sentiments. as he normally doesn't, he knows you're a smart girl.

"and you're still fucking looking at me like that," you growl, your arm coming across his neck once more, like the first night you were here, holding him against the cushions of the couch.

harry doesn't stop you, as he never does, and instead enjoys the feeling of you kneeling between his legs in an attempt to further choke him. "i swear on my own life i'll still kill you, potter. what the fuck do you want from me?" you interrogate him, your dark eyes searching him for answers.

the smirk on harry's face only grows, causing you to push further into his throat. it's ironic how much he wants from you right now that would only further put his life at risk in your hands.

"i…never wanted…anything…" harry chokes out. he knows he's stronger than you and could easily escape your grasp, but he enjoys the feeling of letting you have control over the moment, and over him.

"that's a fucking lie," you say through gritted teeth, getting nose to nose with harry. "tell me what you want." you insist.

harry's heart is racing, his mind going blank from the lack of oxygen, and an inconvenient erection growing through his trousers. he could tell you so many things he wants, how many nights he's spent imagining you on top of him like this once again. he knows it would only anger you more, and he was almost tempted by that thought alone.

after a few moments of harry struggling to keep his eyes focused on you, you could feel something against your thigh that caught your attention. glancing down, your weight on harry's throat lessened enough for him to breathe slightly. you looked back up at his eyes with a look of confusion and shock before quickly returning to anger.

"seriously? are you fucking turned on right now as i'm threatening your life?" you ask him with disgust, slightly pulling away. harry's cheeks flush as he tries to catch his breath, your arm still resting across this collarbone. he stays quiet, his eyes glancing between you and his lap.

you scoff at him. "you're so pathetic, potter. how you were ever a leader of anything is a mystery to me." you ridicule him, an amused smirk coming across your own face.

your condescending attitude only fuels harry's excitement more, trying not to let his expression expose how much he's enjoying this.

"it's almost like you want me to kill you," your voice is quiet but dangerously cold, giving harry goosebumps as your breath falls across his blushing face. he tries to stop it but his body can't resist a low whine being forced from his throat.

your eyes fall to his lips for just a moment before you lean into them, surprising harry with a hungry kiss as you relax your weight onto his body. more moans escape harry's mouth as you roughly force your tongue past his lips. his hand naturally finds your waist, but you slap it away harshly with your free hand. "no touching." you warn him, your lips brushing against his.

"yes ma'am," harry responds.

you give him a look, your other leg kneeling beside his as you straddle his thigh, your skirt falling perfectly over his knee. "i still hate you," you growl, choking him against the couch once more. "i know," harry says breathlessly, staring at you like a helpless puppy.

forcing him into a suffocating kiss, you eventually let harry breathe as your lips find his neck, your teeth sinking into his skin and hands grasping his shoulders tightly. he groans at the pain, earning a slight roll of your hips on his leg. harry wants nothing more than to touch you right now, guiding your hips into his body, pleasuring you like he's wanted to for so long. but for now, he's just glad you're kissing him, and enjoys the feeling of your breath against his bruised skin.

"shirt off." you command, sitting back to observe the puddle harry's become in your grasp. he wastes no time taking off his sweater, throwing it behind him as your eyes trace over his scarred torso. your cold gaze softens at the sight, your fingers tracing the healed wounds carefully.

for a moment, when you glance at harry through your eyelashes, he feels that same love you shared as kids. the soft, innocent admiration that came with inexperience. for just one moment, nothing was complicated, and there was no history. you were discovering harry all over again, like he had been with you.

the moment didn't last for long as your gaze hardened once more looking at him. you stood from your straddling position, much to his disappointment. he was ready for you to end the moment and leave, but you didn't.

"on your knees." you instructed him. again, harry wasted no time as he sunk to his knees in front of the couch, eye level with the hem of your skirt. he looked up at you eagerly, hardly believing the privilege he had to see you above him like this.

harry's heart was racing as you lifted your skirt to expose your panties to him. his eyes never left yours, his breathing hitching at the beauty just in front of his face. his hands were patiently folded in his lap, aching to grab every part of you.

you slowly lifted one thigh onto harry's shoulder, reaching down to take the glasses off his face for him, setting them to the side. "now," you told him, your voice seductive as you lean your weight into him once more. harry holds his shoulders steady, his mouth close enough to your soaked pantines to nearly taste you already.

"let me ride your face," you coo, your hands finding their way to his cheeks as he continues staring at you with hungry eyes. "it's the least you can do for me," you smirk, your voice still chillingly cold and cryptic.

harry lets out a sigh of relief and desperation, eyes glancing at your panties before returning to your gaze. you slowly push his open mouth onto you, not able to hold back a sound of relief yourself.

harry's eyes flutter shut as your hips roll onto his face, losing himself in your smell and taste. your fingers tangle into his hair to keep him in place, soft, breathy gasps falling from your lips as you watch from above.

after a minute you become too desperate and pull your panties aside, instructing harry to hold them as you force his mouth onto your dripping pussy. harry listens like a good boy and holds the fabric, his hand also taking the chance to grip your inner thigh. a deep moan escapes your throat at the feeling.

harry's tongue quickly works its way across your arousal, enjoying every part of you as he pushes himself further into your pussy. your hands try to pull his hair back to relieve some of the overwhelming feeling, but harry doesn't let you control him for once. he's desperate to please you, his hunger growing the more of you he's allowed to have.

harry's other hand grabs for your skirt to hold it above his head, opening his eyes to meet your gaze. your face is twisted in pleasure, lips bitten, eyes glazed over as you watch harry disappear between your legs.

harry moans at the sight of you, sending shivers across your skin. you moan, biting your lips closed, your hips stuttering against his mouth. "fuck," you mumble, earning another moan from harry as his tongue circles your sensitive clit.

a hand rushed to your mouth as you attempt to hide your filthy noises, the feeling making your eyes roll back. you're trying to mask your pleasure, but harry can see right through you.

you finally successfully pull his mouth off of you, lips swollen and wet as his head rests in your grip. "good," you say breathlessly. your voice falters a bit. you take your thigh off harry's shoulder, again, much to his disappointment.

"sit," you tell him, gesturing to the couch once more. harry complies, returning to his spot on the couch behind him. you reach forward and unbutton his pants, pulling them down a bit with his assistance. you can see his erection through his briefs, causing you to smirk a bit before returning to your neutral expression.

"no touching," you remind harry as you position yourself to straddle his hips, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. harry's sure you can hear his heartbeat racing under your control.

you start grinding your soaking wet panties against harry's clothed cock, your mouth falling open with his at the sensation. the light of the fire behind you leaves harry with the beautiful sight of you glowing in his lap, your warm skin pressed against his as your breathy moans fall into his neck.

harry can hardly take the teasing any longer, his moans becoming needier the harder he gets under you. "fuck, [y/n]," his voice is deep with desire, his head rolling back once your roll your hips into him harshly. you moan at the sound of your own name, your hands returning to his shoulders as your nails dig deep into his skin.

"that's right, say my name," you smirk, grinding into harry at a faster pace. "so pathetic," you remind him.

harry continuously lets your name fall from his lips as you watch him, a helpless, desperate mess beneath you. he loves the feeling of letting you use him any way you want to.

soon you can't wait much longer, and you pull out harry's cock from his briefs. the feeling of your hand grasping his shift makes harry's hips buck up involuntarily, silently asking for more.

you can't help but chuckle at just how eager he is. you're more than enjoying the control and effect you have over him.

"now," you say again, causing harry to look back at you with needy eyes. "you're gonna let me use you until i cum," you tell him, teasing yourself with the feeling of him against your wet pussy. harry's eyes nearly roll back again as he nods for you, his lips parted with uneven breaths.

you slide harry inside of you, adjusting to the feeling as harry's head falls back once again in pleasure. "so fucking wet," harry sighs softly, nearly whining. once your hips lower completely onto his length, you start to ride harry slowly, still adjusting to him. he's a full blown whining mess beneath you, his chest flushed and heaving as your pussy tightens around him.

you take in the sight of him, your eyes exploring every sweaty part of his body as you continue riding at a slow pace. you unwrap your arms from his shoulders, leaning back into your hips. "take my shirt off," you tell harry.

his eyes open again, looking at you eagerly. his hands nervously begin lifting your shirt, holding the fabric carefully between his fingers, and savors the sight and feeling of pulling it off of you, his eyes glancing at your chest before locking with yours again.

"so beautiful," he tells you, your skin looking deliciously soft in the warm lowlight. "i know, now be quiet," you shut him up, picking up the pace of your hips.

harry's eyes narrow at you, the intoxicating feeling of you wrapped around his cock only making him hungrier for your pleasure. the sight of you bouncing in his lap, your breasts just in front of his face as you lean your hands next to his head on the back of the couch.

"open," you tell harry.

he doesn't have to be told twice before his lips part, his tongue eagerly waiting for you. you guide your nipple into his mouth, your hips rolling onto harry's cock in circles. his teeth and tongue tease the sensitive skin, your pussy gripping harry even more and earning a low growl from his chest. his hands remained at his sides, but he wanted nothing more than to feel you everywhere on top of him.

you start riding harry once more, his teeth still gripping your nipple making you whine at the feeling. "fuck," you let the word slip out, your own teeth sinking into your bottom lip. harry's more than aroused at your reaction to him, his cock aching inside of you to release.

you pull harry's head back by his hair, forcing him to look up at you. you reach for his glasses that you sat down earlier, returning them to his face delicately. harry appreciates the gesture and can better see the pleasure in your eyes, a soft smile falling across his lips.

"so pretty," he whispers. he can see the blush you try to hide, looking away from his eyes and down at your hips.

you start groaning in frustration, your grip on his hair tightening, causing harry to wince. "you're gonna make me cum," you tell him through broken moans, your thrusts becoming uneven. harry can feel you tightening around him again. he groans at the feeling, your name slipping from his mouth again and again. this only makes you fall apart more, high pitched whimpers coming from you as you chase your high.

you soon sink into harry's neck, your cries of pain and pleasure falling across his skin as your legs start to shake. you can't even form words as your body feels the waves of intense pleasure from each thrust onto harry's cock. your hands move to his shoulders again, holding onto him for stability as you continue to ride out your climax.

harry grows impatient at the feeling of your orgasm and watching you break down into him. he finally grabs for you, moving your hips to the couch beside him, staying inside you while you gasp at his movement. he kicks off his pants and adjusts himself between your legs.

"harry," you try to protest, your voice weak and shaky. "just let me do this, darling," he growls, his hips becoming flush against yours as he pushes his cock completely inside of you. you let out a gasp, your hand slapping over your lips once more.

harry hungrily digs his cock deeper inside of you with each slow thrust, his hands holding himself up above you as he watches his cock easily slide in and out of your soaking wet pussy. he folds your legs back as he sinks even deeper into you.

"holy fuck," he groans, his breathing heavy, hands gripping the back of your thighs to keep himself steady. "so beautiful, [y/n]," harry tells you again, his droopy eyes focused on your face twisted in pleasure.

you look at him, your eyes full of lust, but still cold as ice. "i…hate you," you remind him through strained breaths, struggling to take his entire length, still glaring at him.

this pushes harry over the edge, his hips quickening until he feels himself start to unravel. he pulls out of your warm pussy and cums on your stomach, groaning at the sight of you below him.

you gasp at the feeling, looking at harry with shock. "did you just cum from me saying i hate you?" you ask, your tone mocking his desperation. harry nods, still stroking his cock slowly, his other hand remaining on your thigh as his moans quiet down.

"you're disgusting," you tell him coldly, but harry can see the smirk on your face and the lust in your eyes. he watches you below him, smirking in return.

"and you love it."

[aphroditelovesu]

Um, hello there. I just wanted to ask, can you write yandere headcanons of House Lannister? I just read that you can, but if not then I’m sorry and you can skip it anyway. But if you can then it’ll be wonderful

2nd request: ''Hi, umm… I know that you’re probably busy with requests and asks, but um can you write Yandere platonic Lannisters with the Reader? If you can of course'' - send by Anon.

"Hear Me Roar." — House Lannister.

❝ 🦁— lady l: I'm sorry for the delay but I think you're used to it, right? Lol, I really apologize. These last few months have been absolute madness and my grandfather is sick, my father too and everything is out of control. Anyway, I hope you like these headcanons!

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of death by fire, threats and implied murder.

❝🦁pairing: yandere platonic!house lannister x gender neutral!reader.

None of this was planned or thought through. Just happened. Your introduction to House Lannister just…happened. Some would say you were lucky, others that you were cursed to have to deal with this family, but none of that really mattered. It didn't matter because you're with them and they won't let you.

Contrary to what many people think, your family was already close in the right measure to the Lannisters, your family was from a House Vassal of the Lannisters so you already had a connection, but it wasn't really strong or similar to what it became in the next few years. Your mother was a close friend of Joanna's and both of them shared the pregnancy, you grew up alongside the twins and that was something that solidified the bond between the three of you.

You, Cersei and Jamie were inseparable. Though Tywin was initially apprehensive about this relationship, Joanna eased her husband's concerns by demonstrating how much she adored you too. It was quite common to see the three of you playing together at Casterly Rock for everyone's amusement. The three of you were never apart, and Cersei sulked when she was forced to say goodbye to you. She hated it.

Tywin was never really close to you, it wasn't because he had anything against you or anything, he was just distant. But that all changed when tragedy struck your family and you were forced to flee to the protection of the Lannisters. Your parents had apparently insulted the Mad King and, as a form of punishment, he had given orders to burn your family. You were the only one to survive because you were protected by Tywin and Joanna. They were your family now. Whether you want to or not.

Cersei was over the moon when she heard you were her sibiling now. And Jamie couldn't be happier to finally have you with them, really with them. Joanna didn't mind, she was happy and she really adored you and was quick to refer to you as hers, Tywin tried to be rational and the voice of reason saying you'd just stay with them until everything worked out, but nothing would work out, not after he became as obsessed with you as the rest of your family.

Joanna was a loving and very kind mother, she absolutely adored you and spoiled you in spades. You were allowed to do whatever you wanted and get away with no punishment. She tried to fight her growing obsession, she really tried out of consideration for her late friend but when you called her ''mother'' for the first time, there was no going back. You were hers from that moment on. She loves spending time with you, reading or doing whatever you like.

Tywin was an authoritative figure and that has never changed over the years, he has only the best for you in mind and that's why he is so strict, but he has a soft side that shows only to his wife and you. He tries to be as tough as his wife doesn't even try, but he will always give in to you. Especially if you look at him with tears in your eyes, his heart melts right there and he does what you ask on the spot. Just like Joanna, you can get away with whatever you do because to him you could never do wrong. You were perfect, and anyone who dared to disagree would find it no good to cross Tywin Lannister.

Jamie is the quietest of his family, he is the understanding brother with your feelings and is always there to protect and take care of you. He is the most protective of his family and he is very suspicious of anyone who tries to get too close to you. He will get into fights for you, feeling proud and triumphant when he gets your support during a fight. Jamie adores you so much, you're the closest thing to an understanding brother he's ever had and he'd be damned if he let anyone take you away. You were a Lannister and always would be.

Cersei is the most possessive and greedy of her family, she will do anything to get your attention and will fly into a rage if she doesn't get it. She hates sharing you with anyone other than her and her twin brother. Cersei might even see you as she sees Jamie, as an extension of herself and not really a person. Like a possession. Something that belongs to her and she's not the type to share. She loves spending time with you, talking, gossiping or just enjoying your company.

The whole family was happy, everyone adored you and you adored them. Everything was perfect. Tywin and Joanna were your loving parents and Cersei and Jamie your mischievous and clingy siblings. Everything was perfect like it's never been before. Until Joanna got pregnant again. Everyone was happy about her pregnancy, including you who were longing for a younger sibling. Cersei wasn't really happy about it all, seeing as you seemed to spend more time with mom than with her because of the pregnancy. Jamie had no problem with that, not like her sister, and just enjoyed this period of Joanna's life.

When the day of delivery finally came, it was difficult and painful, you were there the whole time and you saw Joanna Lannister die. Your mother. It was as if your world had collapsed, not just yours, but Tywin and the twins' as well. You welcomed with joy Tyrion, but your father and sibilings did not. They rejected him, treating him like nothing and blaming him for Joanna's death. During the long period of mourning, you were the only company Tywin sought out. You tried to comfort him and seek solace for yourself, you were the only one to witness the Lord of Casterly Rock's vulnerability.

You were Tyrion's only constant companion as he grew up, constantly despised by his family and those around him for being a dwarf, he clung to you more and more. You were the only person who really cared for him, the one who convinced Tywin and Cersei to act with a modicum of decency around Tyrion, at least while you're around.

Tyrion is the most abrasive of his family regarding his obsession with you, he knows very well that his feelings are wrong, to say the least, but he tries to control as much as he can, although he can't help but be so attached to you. He craves your attention and approval as he grows up and even as an adult that hasn't changed. He wants your approval, if he can't get it from his father then he wants his. He is very kind to you, but he is still a Lannister, and may the Seven have mercy on anyone who dares to harm you, for Tyrion would be sure to ruin them utterly.

All Lannisters are obsessed with you in their own way and have their own infighting, Tywin and Cersei want to keep you away from Tyrion as they are sure Tyrion will be your undoing, Jamie is happy to see that you care too about your brother and he makes sure you spend your days with him and Tyrion, much to the chagrin of your father and sister. They all fight each other and wouldn't mind killing each other to have you. But everything changes when there is a threat against you and they all quickly join together to get rid of that threat quickly and painfully. May the Seven forbid anything to happen to you, for you can be sure the whole family would go wild and most likely blame each other.

There are rumors that Tywin supported Robert Baratheon because of a personal revenge, some say it was because of what the Mad King did for your dead family, others say it's because Rhaegar insulted him. Rhaegar insulted him by wanting to take you as his spouse instead of Cersei, and Tywin could not allow that. He would not allow his beloved child to be taken from him. And Cersei agreed with that completely, she didn't want you to marry and leave her, Jamie didn't seem to mind too much but he doesn't like the idea of being taken away from you, as long as you were happy he would be fine. Tyrion is the most selfless and says that if you ever want to marry, he will support you, as long as it is someone he has highly valued. You are a Lannister and therefore you must have only the best and your family will ensure that. They promise you.

[vigilskeep]

I've been going through your Keir Hawke tag because the character absolutely fascinates me and I keep seeing glimpses of Varric and Anders' friendship in that world state (especially something you mentioned about the book originally going to be about Anders) and it's making me feral

What do you think Varric and Anders' relationship is like? What does Varric think about Keir refusing to kill Anders and running off with him?

the thing about varric and keir is that even if they manage to get along in their way, their relationship is basically one of necessity. keir never trusted him in act 1, and varric vastly preferred bethany’s gentleness to keir’s whole uh attitude, but after the deep roads expedition they for various reasons both feel a level of guilt and obligation that sticks them together. you might say they’re more like family than friends, in the sense that with family you don’t have a choice. whereas varric and anders are actually friends, they get along, they joke together. varric finds anders hard to deal with in the later acts but they’re still at the hanged man together, varric is still trying to reach out in his way during banters, anders is trying to leave his possessions to him, etc. and that’s not like with varric and keir where something specific and insane happened to lock them together. he genuinely just likes anders

and varric is creatively interested in anders from the beginning; he’s talking about writing “an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic apostate” in literally the first banter they have. (why did he say hopelessly romantic. why did he say that.) i don’t think it occurs to him that keir even might be material for the protagonist of anything until... maybe the arishok duel, by which time iirc he’s already publishing his serial inspired by, like, aveline and donnic of all people. before that, keir is pretty obvious rags-to-riches plot inspiration but tbh i think varric thought that part was a bit cliché and that even if he did want it, he’d swap out the actual character for someone more likeable, lmao. god knows how or if he was thinking of writing the love interest in the anders-focused version of the book

i don’t think it would have occurred to varric that keir would spare anders and run off into the sunset with him. varric has a very surface-level read on keir, he kind of just sees the red hawke front. i think it’s umm... how do i put this. i think it’s integral to the severity of varric’s reaction to anders in dai that it doesn’t make sense in his head that he himself was more angry than keir, and that he was closer to agreeing with sebastian, the guy who went on to attack kirkwall. i think a lot of people including himself act “out-of-character” in that moment from varric’s perspective, and he finds that very distressing. the rewrite of the book that suddenly centres keir is also him rewriting his memories until everything “fits”. he never liked anders that much, it was hawke, hawke was always really the protagonist and varric has always been on his side, incidentally varric also totally always hated sebastian and is nothing like him, also anders’ actions are 100% sudden and crazy and varric’s anger over them is 100% normal impersonal and justified, etc etc. (to be clear i’m not saying this affects everything we see in da2 and that anders is Maligned in it or whatever. varric’s narrative in da2 is not the same as the book. a very significant amount of the truth slips back in when he has to talk so long, and talk for his life. anders’ sympathetic qualities and their friendship, for example, i can’t imagine that comes up a lot that’s in a book that canonically doesn’t even mention what happened to anders after the explosion.)

varric does not feel particularly normal about any part of the life anders and keir are currently living and he does not like to think about it. he had to rewrite the book into a tragedy to make sense of everything, which conflicts upsettingly with the reality that those two are... honestly simply not tragic. obviously they went through hell. but the mage rebellion is achieved. anders and keir are both visibly better in body and mind for being out of kirkwall. they do get married! it was varric’s home (a city keir hated) that got destroyed (by anders). and varric’s the one left on his own. and the one audibly kind of miserable and guilty and homesick and generally Doing Bad during a lot of inquisition. i think he finds that comparison very hard to even think about. it’s easier to see and analyse tragedy in other people like an impartial observer, than reckon with the fact that it was actually you it happened to and the people you miss and blame and feel bad for in equal measure are kind of just... doing fine? (without you. better the moment they left your city behind.)

(note: i am never arguing “the book was meant to be about anders” as a general headcanon, i just know it to be true in my worldstate)

[siffrin-enthusiast]

(spins the question wheel in my brain) umm. if isat characters ran funny websites - made a geo/neocities or something - what kind of websites do you think they'd run, and how would they be designed?

OOOOHHH...let me put my thinking cap on. no plot spoilers but some ramblings about their characters :)

mirabelle would have a cursing of château castle fanpage and occasional reviews of other book series. she'd also write quite a bit about the change belief and post about her own OCs (she has OCs trust). mira tries so very hard to keep it aesthetic but autism blasts every few months and has to clean it up with isa's coding knowledge.

isa would have a page for his fashion business. he 100% coded it from scratch in a neocities with details about how each piece was made and how it was loved during its creation. it has a link to his personal social media for contact, 20% of which is about his brand and 80% is full of pictures of dogs he sees out and about. isa is really good at coding in my opinion!

i like to think odile would take up a blog as well as photography. i just imagine she'd like to document more of vaugard, more of herself and her heritage, to appreciate the quiet hum of change in the country through careful piecing-together of the present. she writes a lot and shares recipes that she doesn't make, but samples as she travels ka bue & vaugard. i DO think she makes the occasional shitpost kind of hidden away from the main landing page

siffrin had a website but last updated it six months ago. he's that one blogger that remembers they have a blog every year or so and comes back with an ao3 author kind of life tragedy every time. they give killer insight into various plays he sees and really good shitposts that keep people coming back though. probably a pretty plain, simple coded page with not too much CSS. there's probably a few drunk late at night kinda venting posts that are taken down the next morning.

bonnie's neocities is probably just a little overstimulating to look at. i'm sorry i think they'd have some eyestrain. isabeau/odile made them a custom layout and then bonnie hops on and rambles about their current interests in a private corner of the internet. bonnie's kind of in that "kid who wants to be taken seriously so they hide their more 'childish' interests" and them having a space to just indulge in/explore all of their interests would do them good!

[prismaticpichu]

Hi, so umm I'm afraid, so is it okay If I ask a question to anyone like you, Zack Fair and Sephiroth? I'm sorry, if I was begging you to write more stories about SephZack, I'm sorry if I was asking too many questions, please forgive me, Can I hug you? If yes then okay, ❤️♥️😕✨🥺.

JUMBO hugs, friendo!!!! 🫂 🫂 And no need to apologize!! ❤️ I’m honored to get asks/questions! It takes a whole lot of courage to reach out! ✨

As for the SephZack stories: heck yeah!! I’m definitely gonna be writing more <333 Those two mean the absolute world to me, and I can’t even express how honored I am that you enjoy these fics too! 💖

Heck!! You’ve just unlocked yourself a rare Pichu slash fic!!! 💙💙💙

~

ZackSeph: Blanket Hog

Note!! Bc this is a slash fic, Zack is at least 18

“Seppphh..." Zack sleepily murmured, lips curling into an amused grin as he pawed and gripped at the blankets. "You're hoggin' all the covers. Give me..."

"Mmmm?” rumbled his groggy reply, green eyes slipping open against the velvet darkness, the man’s head poking out from the cozy cocoon of white. “...Am I?"

"Yeah, you are..." Zack let out quiet chuckles as he reached out to claim some territory—

"Mmmn..."

—...Only to find the covers obstinately refusing to budge, ivory fingers clutching them with an insistent iron grip.

"Wha? Seph..."

"No..." Sephiroth protested, and Zack could just barely make out the sleepy smirk dancing on his lips. "These are mine."

"Excuse me, this is my bed."

"Not anymore..." Sephiroth stubbornly held on as Zack gave another yank, nestling deeper into the covers. "I've taken control."

"Wha?! You're usurping my blankets?"

"Correct..." Sephiroth mumbled, his eyes falling shut again in sleepy punctuation, leaving Zack with only a thin sliver of blanket-corner to drape over him. "You'll manage."

"Oh, c'mon..." Zack innocently blinked, curling into himself. "I'm freezin' here."

"Tragedy."

"Hmph. I can't believe you..." The First huffed, lowering his voice to be as betrayed and wounded as possible. "Leaving your best bud out in the cold. It’s so sad."

Sephiroth snuggled even deeper into the sheets, his mischievous smirk deepening in tandem.

"Sephhhh. You big bully..." Zack tugged once more at the blanket, just a bit more forceful.

Tug.

The warrior let out a yawn, effortlessly keeping the terrain to himself.

Tug.

He let out a contented, tranquil sigh.

Tug.

Sephiroth scratched his nose.

"Hmph! You're evil, you know that? Pure evil."

"Oh no..." Sephiroth murmured sarcastically, silver bangs spilling over the pillow, clearly relishing in his engulfment of thick, fluffy cotton.

"I mean it! Evil. Eviiiil.”

"Yawn."

"Sepppph. I'm so coooold..."

A few beats of silence passed then.

"Hmm..." Sephiroth broke it after a moment, an emerald eye creaking open in both smugness and amusement. "I suppose you'll just have to come even closer then."

And it was like everything cold ceased to exist in the world.

Playful expression melting into a messy smile, Zack scooted closer to his partner's side, and it was a matter of seconds later that he found himself cocooned in both blanket and a loving embrace. Rhythmic heartbeats drummed against his ear as he nestled against Sephiroth's chest, the study song coupled with the gentle rise and fall of their mingled breath; cozy, intimate, warm... Completely swaddled in the arms of his cherished friend, his heart melted and soul caught aflame with kind, passionate understanding.

"You know..." Zack laughed under his buddy's chin, the warrior having pillowed his head against the fluffy nest of spikes. "If you wanted snuggles, you coulda just asked."

"Mmmnmm..." came another unintelligible response, his eyes having fallen shut, shifting his cheek against the feathery spurs.”

Only the sleepy gibberish was actually more telling than anything Seph could have voiced with words.

"Yeah, I know ya, pal..." Zack murmured into his cherished friend's neck, lips gingerly pressed against the delicate skin. "I know. I know it's a little hard. You don't ever have to say a thing."

[deimosbreakfrost]

Total Drama Island (2023) S2 "Rewrited" au

A possibly cringe Fan Fic that I'll hate on the future

So, this is a fan fic of an Rewrited au of mine... """""Rewrited""""" because I'll change alot of things and I am just making this fan fic for fun while showing you guys what I would change.

Okay, let I start this modern tragedy already.

First part:

Episode 01, The kids will (not) be okay:

-The episode starts with Chris, Chef and the entire cast from the Total Drama island (2023) on a plane, going to a new season in a "new" place. Chris was talking to someone by a Walkie Talkie.

*Biiz*

???: Mr. McLean, seriously that you're lying to them saying that they're going to some kind of "total drama: World Tour" 2?

Chris: umm... Maybe--?

???: McLean! That's pratically clickbai-

Chris: Hey! Don't you dare use this "modern generation" language on me! Anyways, be ready because we're almost getting to there.

???: ah, ok-

- Chris ends the transmission

Chris: wow! That boy still annoying...

Chef: Chris, we're recording!

Chris: Ah, don't worry! After this introduction we will be finally free! ... I mean, just me, not you!

Chef: grr...

Chris: ah, calm down! Anyways, it's been a year 'total drama fans'! Since we don't see Each other THAT long, I'll give y'all a quick recap.

Last season on Total Drama Island:

16 new contestants showed up with the dream of taking that 1 million dollars price.

And the eliminations we're surprising!

Caleb was just there. until he even had the chance of doing something, Bowie made everyone eliminate him! Poor boy...

Nichelle humiliated herself Infront of everyone.

Emma HAD a chance of showing to everyone on live tv that Chase is (or was) a horrible person, but Chase was luckier than her.

Julia was boring, the way she talked, the "spiritual, love and peace" things that she normally talks about was annoying enough to her team.

Wayne would do anything and everything for his best friend Raj, and he was more than happy when he found out about his buddy's secret!

Scary Girl was Creepy, but not for Axel and Ripper! They we're her Unic friends that she had in a while, and the Unic ones that think that her actions are more annoying than scary.

Priya was pathetic! Seriously that she think her parents are so great that she easily go insane when someone criticizes them? Pff, surely the most well deserved elimination of that season.

Mk was smart, a little too much. And because of that, she went from being Bowie's Allie, to be a traitor! Well, it was that, that Bowie made everyone believe.

Raj has a secret, he loves Bowie! And because of that, he made our fandom go wild for them! The fandom loves them! Especially that people from that one Social Media that has "Tum" on the start...

And Chase knowed About that! The fact that Bowie and Raj we're dating, of course. Not the fact that the fandom is crazy for them. So, as a indirect revenge for MK, he was double eliminated with Raj!

Ripper and Damien have a... Interesting friendship. A "nerd hater" and a nerd!

Ripper was... Adorable? Yeah, he went from being a pathetic alpha male wannabe, from being a even nicer version of Owen, and because of that "adorable" personality that he gained he made Damien, Zee and especially Chase be his best friends! (Axel and scary girl too) Good for him, I guess.

Damien screamed a lot until His friends convinced him that being public humiliated in live television isn't that bad!

And Millie was nice, she tried to write a book about how much this generation is potentially bad, but after Priya's elimination, she learned that it was just a exception! There IS good people from this generation, you just need to find the right ones! (Priya not included)

And let's go to the final 3...

Axel, she had everything to win! The strength, the power, the personality... But, Ripper and Scary Girl missed her, so they finded a way to make her go back to them! That's what you gain when you are friends with a fake emo and ex-bad boy.

Zee, how did he got in there?! He could easily be eliminated until the merge but no one wanted to! And if wasn't for the "milk" part of the last challenge, he would have won! But he didn't.

And Bowie won! He used and eliminated half of the cast not counting with Wayne and Raj, of course.

Chris: So yeah, EVERYONE that I mentioned is back!

-Then it cuts to Chris in the passagers cabin with the 16 participants.

All the 16 participants are in here

The one that went out first:

Caleb: I'll make YOU guys regret voting me off...

-Caleb said in anger, while pointing at Bowie

Bowie: geez...

Ripper: you got a bit 'edgy' after 1 year, huh?

Caleb: what?

The most misunderstood one:

Ripper: huh?

Chase: wait, since when Ripper is misunderstood?

And the worse one:

Chase: excuse me?!

Emma: pff...

And of course, the winner:

Bowie: yeah, exactly, me!

Chris: well, I don't know if you guys noticed but Bowie was the Unic villain after a long time that won a season, the Unic one that did that was heather.

Bowie: wait, reall-

Chris: okay, this is slowly getting boring! So let's make the things end quickly!

-the ground below all the participants opened up, making all the participants fall into The water.

Chris: Ahaha... I'll miss that, and Chef already leaved without even saying "bye"!!

-Chris quickly ran to the drivers cabin, grabbing the plane's volant and taking control of it.

Chris: arg! Okay, I'll be quick! This surely the last time you all will see me hosting this program! Yeah, this is Sooo sad! But listen up! The future is bullet proof and the aftermath WILL be secundary! And time to them do it now and do it loud! I am Chris McLean, and I'll never, EVER see y'all again! Bye, losers!!

-after Chris leaved everyone behind, the scene cuts to the brand new hosts

...

Topher: Yeah, we're finally hosting our favorite reality show ever!

Sierra: But it's just so sad that Chris is gone for like... Forever?

Topher: nah, judging by the way he is he'll surely randomly appear when we Least expect it or something. But anyways, yeah, Chris finally gave his role as host for someone else!

Sierra: two to be exact.

Topher: yeah, right! Anyways, I am Topher! I was a participant of Pahkitew island!

Sierra: and I'm Sierra--!! I was a participant of World Tour!

Topher: and if you haven't noticed yet...

*Both Sierra and Topher say together*

We are the brand new hosts of total drama island

...

Topher: season 2.

Sierra: you don't need to explain it to the Audience-

Topher: okay, now pull the opening already.

[quidfree]

do you have a favorite character from TSH? if so, who and why? what about between papenathy?

i can’t believe this isn’t immediately apparent from my writing but my deathly serious tsh character ranking list goes like this

francis

judy poovey

everyone else

bunny & julian

also re papenathy as a rule of thumb whatever my #1 ship is usually includes my top 2 characters from a medium. i would never pair a flop with one of my faves*

*in tartt universe all characters are on the flop-menace spectrum but that’s why the pairings work internally

i was about to hit post when i realised you also asked why. ive already made multiple posts analysing the tsh charas or their relationships which i feel gets into the meat of it anyway so please peruse those tags for longer explanations but as a quick breakdown of my takes:

judy: i just find her so funny and refreshing throughout the whole book; she serves a great meta purpose in breaking the illusion of richard’s trustworthiness as a narrator; she’s actually one of the nicer people we meet relative to all the other assholes in richard’s life; her scenes speak to both her commonalities and differences with richard and i enjoy them a lot. also i love that she’s based on a real person who then did costuming for succession.

francis: do i even need to explain this… hes an icon. i love all the layers to francis (which we only even get to see bc him & richard are so #real worsties)- how he’s so dramatic and emotive but can compose himself at will, how hes both confrontational and cowardly, his random kindnesses and mean quips, his completely fucked sense of priorities at all times…. also his insane childhood & his self-made tragedy in the epilogues. enfant terrible!

i do also love richard for all that he’s a nightmare. hes suuuuuch a mess wrapped within an I Am Normal package #tarttcore. love the way he teeters between reckless self-destruction and “umm you guys are weird” judgment. his self-censorship and revisionist tendencies as a narrator. his outsider role and his actual desperate liking of his murderous rich friends who do not particularly care about him. hes literally 19…. he should have been in the club….

henry & camilla are both interesting but henry is like The Statue and camilla is The Shadow in the sense that theyre both not fully realised ppl bc of richard’s pov/pedestal. henry is kind of the mvp of tsh of course, greattttt lines, compelling character, drives the action, but ultimately hard to crack as a complete person and full of hubris that annoys me. i respect that he gave us hot takes and drama the whole way through. camilla i enjoy the pieces of- beef with judy, french post murder fever, mysterious phone calls, entanglements- but lbr she is the least characterised individual in the book and thus hard to connect to outside of fanon. i still like her tho i esp enjoy how unbothered she is living her own side stories. and i just know she suffered incalculable martyrdom running amongst those men.

charles is more of a real person to richard than the above and he compels me also. such a jarring (if telegraphed) shift from part i to part ii. in a way his descent into darkness humanises him the most bc at least hes torn up about the whole murder business in the first place! but by god his relationships are fucked.

bunny is at best funny. but hes just like. a conservative asshole whos not even smart enough for the course he nepo-babied his way into. and then julian has fun literature class bits and is admittedly also funny (he is so not willing to get dragged into the drama it’s comical) but is just a nefarious elitist weirdo. they get nothing from me.

[tojisun]

sunny this is v random but life's been so boring recently I need to get another piercing or I'm gonna cut my hair impulsively and then regret it😐

if you feel comfortable sharing, how many piercings (if any) have you got? also what's your favourite book or movie or song or OOH your favourite album? apologies like I said I am bored and will do anything to procrastinate work [only answer if you want to🫶🏽]

im so sorry for just seeing this rn my love :((

not the impulsive hair cut 😭😭 i did that once and my bangs were shwkejke they were just half an inch long or smth it was so funny and humiliating hhrhheh

and omg of course im glad to answer these! sorry i rambled (AGAIN) so pls do forgive me heheh 😖

umm i dont have much piercings tbh! just a couple of lobe ones :’>

my favourite book continues to be tsoa! i just really love it sm. theres an argument to be made about the characters of course but the writing and the lore, itself actually, is just so beautiful. like the setup to the anguish and tragedy was exhilarating that the moment you get to their deaths, it just shatters you too. i cant stop rereading it that my book is annotated to hell now LMAO and the pages are so worn down

my favourite movie is atwow! it used to be cloudy w a chance of meatball LOL but god atwow took my breath away. the aesthetics are so so beautiful and the concept may not be as original (adapting to alien territory, being accepted by their people) but the attention to details make it such a vivid world. like the language, the songs, the culture!! and just such vast fauna and flora?? im in looove (…and jake is just fine as hell)

my favourite song is so tricky bc like how can i ever choose??? that said, i did LMAO but um rn my favourite song (the one i keep coming back to when my mind’s just so overwhelmed and i need to drown out my thoughts) is hypnosis by sleep token! the instrumentals are so reverberating that it snaps me out of my funk

fave album is meliora by the band ghost. theres not a single song that i skip, but also theres just heavy bass in this one so im actually addicted <33

HOW ABOUT YOU!! please id love to hear (read?) ur replies too :(( i wanna get to know u more teehee

oki oki das it! love u vi and take care <33

[mag200]

I have not watched yet but I take the season finale was bad?

it was mid. which is maybe worse, actually!

i dont say this to discourage you genuinely i largely enjoyed watching it but like jesus fucking christ. some truly baffling screentime choices are made.

it leaned heavy into setting up a very dramatic season 3, which is officially confirmed at least so im like okay. we're fine. maybe no more wishy-washy "no war" bullshit from rhaenyra in season 3? for the love of god???????

i will say that incredibly talented actors carried some umm bad writing, and although they really really deliver, i hope the show doesn't continue to rely on them so heavily for that.

hotd is a deeply character-driven show so hopefully they remember things like rhaenyra's character consistency being um. pivotal. remember season 1 rhaenyra. does anyone hear me.

for my personal tastes i would love for them to stop leaning so much on aegon's dream / the got season 8 zombie prophecy in part because got s8 sucked so bad and in part bc rhaenyra as an actual ordained and just Good Queen TM is uh, boring and very much missing the point. monarchy sucks ass point blank and rhaenyra is allowed to want the throne just because she wants it, not because she's somehow going to save the world which we already know she wont. lol. greens vs blacks tragedy is way more compelling to me if there isn't like, such an obvious choice?

perfectly fine episode but bad season finale in my opinion ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[sneezemonster15]

It's also annoying when someone makes a post on how it's sad people are so heteronormative they don't see Naruto and Sasuke's love and then some Sakura stan comes out of the woods to the reply section and goes "umm acshuallyy I'm a bisexual woman and I don't ship them! Just because I ship sasusaku/narusaku (sometimes just one or both) doesn't mean I'm homophobe!" like okay thank you for your contribution. So you are a bisexual woman with a bad taste. Not sure why we needed to know this but ok.

Lol. Don't take those ones so seriously anon because it is known that fans would say anything to justify their crappy taste. A lot of these so called homosexual or bisexual people aren't really that. They are straight but pretend to be otherwise just to prove a silly point. Cuz it's the internet, we can say anything and get away with it, no? Who's gonna check?

Like no, I refuse to believe that someone who has experienced ostracization or ridicule from society or their peer groups for being of a non heteronormative sexuality would ship someone like Sasuke or Naruto with someone so bland, stereotypical and prejudiced as Sakura whose understanding of a person is surface level and skin deep af. Who discriminates against people just because they are different from the norm. Such as Lee or Naruto. Like no. Someone who is so insensitive so as to mock an orphan in front of another orphan and who compares an orphan's misfortunes with her own very shallow ones is someone who lives life with a very limited understanding of the world. Someone who lives a privileged life, someone who takes her quality of life for granted. Someone who likes and rates people on the basis of their looks and popularity.

People who feel different from the norm or are made to feel abnormal because they don't conform to the social norms are naturally sensitive to others' misfortunes or tragedies or struggles. They are much more sensitive towards external stimuli because what heterosexual people can easily take for granted, they can't. Heterosexuality is so normalised to the exclusion of everything else, the entire world caters to them. It's like gay or bi people, or those different from the norm, are outliers living in their world. It becomes second nature for such a person to think about everything, examine and second guess every gesture and expression, to be able to find a single moment of understanding, without being judged. It's a daily battle. Especially in a heteronormative society. They are able to empathize with the less fortunate because they are able to see what others don't.

Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara, Neji, Haku, they are different from the norm. They have had their share of great suffering. This is exactly why Sasuke resonates with Naruto, Naruto resonates with Gaara and Neji and Nagato and Haku. Kishi writes his characters with a lot of thought and he has a good grasp on psychology and perception. Any good storyteller does.

Like this person, a Hinata stan, told me she was gay but shipped SS and NH. Turns out it was a HE and a Minor and extremely abusive towards SNS, who thought SNS were dirty fujoshis who deserved to die for shipping brothers. Lol.

Like you can't be sensitive and intelligent and ship something like SS, NrSk and NH. All these ships are a crime against humanity. And anyone who is sensitive and empathetic would find it extremely difficult to like these women, much less ship these last moment shallow ass ships that are based on insensitivity and lack of understanding or empathy.

[warmaidensrevenge]

Loss

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: Today I feel like I need to cry really bad. But I don't like to. It's just a big mess and I look ugly. So I wanted to write something a bit sad. So here goes nothing. I was inspired by Slipknots song Snuff and Jimmy Eat World song Hear You Me. Thanks for reading. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Kay love ya bye.

Warnings: +18 Mentions of death, arguing, drug dealing/use, alcohol use, language, slight body insecurities, oral, smut, hurt, angst, and not proof read and no word count.

One shot

Summary: Tragedy makes you do shit you shouldn't. But your best friend doesn't give up on you. Eddie Munson will do whatever it takes to get you through it.

😔💔

When you first met Eddie he was 14 years old. He had just moved in with his uncle after his mom passed. At first you didn't like him. He was so loud and jittery. Constantly talking. But what made you actually not like him is when he kissed you on a dare. His buddies in the 8th grade dared him to kiss the 7th grade chubby nerdy girl. You were outside your next class reading Where the Red Fern Grows. You had started to cry when the little boy died.

Out of nowhere this kid with a shaved head came and sat next to you.

" Hey what's the matter?" He asked, sounding a little sad.

" Oh. Umm. It's just the book." You mumbled, wiping away your tears.

He plucked the book from your hands and looked over the cover.

" This is about dogs right?"

" Yeah. Kinda."

He looked at you and handed back the book. " You know a pretty girl like you shouldn't be crying. People will think you're a crybaby."

You looked at him to say something but he quickly kissed you.

When he pulled away you were so pissed. You balled up your fist and decked him.

He immediately grabbed his jaw and his eyes filled with tears.

" I-I.. I'm sorry." His voice broke.

You could tell he really was trying not to cry. You felt just a little bad. Maybe he didn't deserve to be nearly knocked out. But then again. This weirdo just kissed you.

You stood up and pointed your finger in his face.

" DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN! YOU CANT JUST GO AROUND KISSING PEOPLE!"

" I-I know s-sorry." He stuttered.

" Next time you do something that stupid. Ask permission!"

You stormed off to the girls bathroom and cried.

Ever since then you could not get rid of Eddie Munson. To him you were his best friend. To you he was merely an acquaintance. The rest of the 7th grade Eddie Munson was around. When he went to highschool he would get dropped off in front of your house just to walk you to and from school.

After school he would stay at yours until his uncle could pick him up. Which annoyed you like crazy. Sure Eddie was funny. But you could not stand him worth a damn.

But your parents did. You didn't know of they actually liked the dork. Or if they felt sorry for him being underprivileged. Either way they always liked having him around. Especially your dad.

You loved your dad more than anything in the world. It was because of him you gave Eddie a chance to be an actual friend. Your dad always gave you so much shit for being rude to Eddie. He would even make fun of you two. Saying one day you guys would get married and have tons of babies. Which you absolutely hated the thought of.

Once you got to highschool you and Eddie bonded more than you cared for. With the same types of problems you guys grew close. When he got older he calmed down. Not by much, but enough for you to actually be able to be in his presence longer than five minutes.

He put all that energy into his campaigns, and he started playing the guitar. Which was nice sometimes. He would go on tangents about how epic his storyline was for every campaign. He would get so theatrical that it was quite funny.

By the time you were a junior, Eddie was a senior. The bullying brought you guys even closer than before. He was bullied for being a "Freak". Long hair and rock music was not your peers norm. But for Eddie and you. It was. He was cool, and very nice. But others refused to see that.

They also refused to see you that way too. They saw nothing more than an ugly fat geek. Yes you were larger than your classmates and you didn't put on pounds of makeup. You liked to read and got straight A's. But you were not ugly. At least that's what Eddie would say.

Did you believe him? Well no.

But he did a lot to keep your mind from putting you down. He really did become a great friend. He was always there. Flirting away. Calling you beautiful all the time. Always play fighting with you, or teased you for being so darn cute. He did things that, from the outside looking in were suspicious. But to you and him you were just really good friends.

You never saw him like that. And to be honest you didn't want to. Sure he was devilishly handsome, and one of the nicest guys. But you just didn't see him that way.

He really was just a friend. Well until he wanted more.

...

He had been a forest firefighter for a majority of his life. And you could not have been prouder. He was the best dad in the whole world.

You were 18 when the unthinkable happened. You were a senior now and Eddie was doing his senior year over again. One afternoon your dad had gotten an emergency call and had to go.

See you knew your dad's job was dangerous. He literally fought fires with fire. He was well liked and a hero to everyone in Hawkins. But to you he was better than Superman.

Every time he went to work you made his crew promise to bring him back. And they did. Every time. Well until they didn't.

The fire was burning through the forest way too fast and with the winds blowing at 50 mph, it just got worse.

Your mom and you were escorted to the highschool gymnasium. All the thirteenth families of your dad's crew were there. People were freaking out and you weren't stupid. You knew something awful happened.

The captain of the fire department came and gave you the worst news you've ever heard.

Your father and his entire crew's bodies were found. They had gotten trapped and couldn't make it out. Your mother fell to the ground and wept.

You didn't believe it. It wasn't true. The guys promised to bring him back. You stood there staring at the door. Waiting for your dad to run in and say it was just a terrible joke. But he never came.

You were angry, and hurt. That you didn't know what to do. You knew your mom needed you then. But you needed something else or someone else. You needed your best friend. This shit you had planned on the drive to his trailer was stupid to say the least. But you need just a moment to get out of your current reality.

...

Eddie had been in love with you from the moment his lips touched yours. Sure it ended with a sock in the jaw. But he was yours then, and still yours now. Did you know that? Hell no. Did Eddie want to tell you? Absolutely not. You were his most trusted and bestest friend. He swore he would never do anything to jeopardize the friendship he tried so hard to build. He worked hard to get your parents to love him and he helped you even when you didn't ask for it. Which was hardly ever. You were very stubborn. But incredibly sweet. Though at first you resist Eddie's friendship. He eventually got you to see him for who he really was. That he wasn't a freak or scary or any of those awful things anyone said about him. However, he liked you and he had to keep you in his life. Even if it was just as a friend.

So he shoved his fondness for you into the deepest part of his heart. But then when you got to highschool you really proportioned out. Yes you were still thicker than most and he would have loved you either way. But you were growing up to be the most beautiful girl he had the pleasure of viewing.

Eddie's affection for you only grew. He always had to compliment you and touch you. Of course only if you would let him. He flirted a lot. He couldn't help it. The girl of his dreams was right in front of him all the time. But as a man of his word. He wouldn't ruin this beautiful friendship with you.

That was until all hell broke loose.

He was home that night. His uncle was at the plant as usual pulling a double. Eddie had just finished writing a new campaign when you came.

Eddie let you in, surprised that you came without calling. Normal when you came over you would call before. Giving him a warning to be decent. But he took it as 'Shit the love of my life is coming and I need to clean'.

When you came in you were off. He could always tell. But this time was different. This time you said stuff he wasn't expecting.

" Eddie. I need you to do me a favor."

" Uhhh okay?" He said taking a seat on the couch.

His eyes followed you back and forth as you paced his living room.

" ok but look. This is going to be...a lot...but I need you."

" What's going on princess?"

You stopped and looked at him letting out a long sigh. " Umm maybe I should just show you."

"Y/n?"

Eddie watched as you went towards his room. He was so confused. Normally you could talk to him. But you were being super cryptic and he was kinda scared.

He got up after a few seconds and followed you. He saw your shoes and socks in the hallway. As he got closer he kept finding more of what you were wearing. Picking them up along the way. When he turned the corner to his room he saw you in his bed.

The way you held his blanket up to your chest he just knew you were completely naked. Seeing your underwear and bra thrown on his dress also confirmed it.

He didn't know what to say. He would be lying if he said this wasn't a dream come true. But seriously what the hell?

" ummm princess. Are you naked?"

" Okay yes...I know this is a lot to ask but I really need you to have sex with me."

He was at a loss for words. Did you really just say that? Were you really in his bed? Naked?!

"I-I"

" Eddie. Please."

" Y/n? What's going on? We...we can't."

" Why?"

"I..."

" You're gonna tell me with all the flirting and all times you said that if I were your girl that you would take care of me. You're gonna say that and not want to take me when I offer?"

" Princess this is...this-"

" A lot to ask. I know. But I need you right now. I need you this way."

He always promised to be there for you. Whatever you need he would always be ready to help. Though he knew something was wrong, he had wanted this for so long.

Eddie closed his door and started to undress. He slid in next to you. Questions eating at him.

" Are you sure?"

"Yes Munson. I want this."

" But it's your first time."

You pulled at his shoulders to face you.

" yeah and I want it to be with you. I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."

You looked at him with such adoration. You were right. He would never hurt you. You were his everything.

His best friend part of him kept telling him not to. To talk about what was going on in your head. But his teenage hormones were yelling at him otherwise. See he was a virgin too. He had never seen a boob in real life. Sure he had naughty well used magazines under his bed, along with a couple of porn films he swiped a long time ago. So he knew where things went and how to be safe about it. But he wasn't about to admit it was his first time too.

He hesitated for a second before leaning in and kissing your cheek.

" Is this okay?" He asked

" You can do more. I want you to do more."

Your words made his body shiver. He kissed down your neck as you laid down. His hands were firmly pressed against either side of you. Your hands were clutching the blanket.

As he kissed across your chest a small whimper rang in his ears. He looked up at you worried.

" Touch me Eddie. I want you to touch me."

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when you pushed the blanket down. Revealing your ample breast. They looked so soft and were so big his mouth watered at the sight. One of his hands started to massage your breast.

He just kept looking at you in utter amazement. Your chest covered in stretch marks. Your breasts were spilling out of his hands. God you were more beautiful than he originally thought.

" Can I ... suck on them?"

"umm... y-yeah...s-sure."

He licked his lips before kissing one of your nipples gently. He then opened his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. Suckling with such tenderness. He lightly tugged at the raised nub with his teeth before sucking again. You moaned ever so softly that it gave him goosebumps.

Eddie knew even with his lack of experience, that it takes girls a little bit to get ready. So he was gonna make sure that your body was ready for him. Because his most definitely was. He had waited a long time for this. It's not like he didn't get offers. Because even though people saw him as a freak. Something about him being in a band had girls waiting for him after sets. But he never did anything with anyone. That was because he was saving himself for you. And though he knew you weren't in that state for him, he still wanted you to be his first and last everything.

He was still massaging and kissing and sucking on you when you lifted his head.

" Eddie. Now. I'm ready now."

Shit this was really going to happen. He was so nervous his hands started to shake when he was putting on the condom.

Finally it was on and he was now between your legs. He had to ask one more time.

" Y/n. Are you-"

" Eddie if you ask me again I swear I will leave."

Not wanting that he nodded.

" It might hurt."

After all this time you pulled him down for a deep kiss. He honestly hadn't believed that he didn't even kiss you. But God how badly he needed it. How badly he needed you.

Then it happened. You helped guide him to where you wanted and he went slow. He shut his eyes at this feeling he really couldn't describe. You were so warm and wet. And fuck so damn tight. He could feel himself already there. But he wasn't even in all the way. So he had to stop just to regain control.

Your body shook as his tip went in. It did hurt. But not in a bad way. His stretch was incredible. And when he stopped you wanted more.

" Eddie. God. More...please."

Eddie said a soft fuck as he continued to pushing through. There was a spot where he had to push a little hard making you gasp.

He was scared as hell. He looked up to see you covering your mouth. He stopped again to let you give him the okay.

Once he felt your body relax you nodded. He kept going until he felt a soft spot that made you moan so loud he knew he was hitting that spot.

The beautiful pain that caused made tears fall from the corners of your eyes. This wasn't at all what you expected. Eddie was huge. You hadn't seen or felt a penis before. But you knew that he was big. You weren't sure how it was gonna work but he was doing an excellent job keeping your thoughts at bay.

You need this. This comfort. Sure it was a dumb idea to sleep with your best friend. But at this moment, nothing mattered. It was just you and Eddie.

This felt like it was supposed to happen.

You felt this fire grow deep within you. With every slow thrust of his hips made something happen. And when you kissed him it felt... different.

You were clenching him so tight he couldn't hold back anymore. He felt your body tense again and he knew you were cumming. Your back arched and his hunched as he finally let go.

He slowly pulled out and watched you. He laid down trying to catch his breath. You pulled the blanket back over you to hide yourself and he felt bad.

After what you guys did you were still hiding from him. It was awkward for a few minutes. He got up to grab a towel for you. He took off the condom and discarded it.

When he went back to the room you were getting dressed. He pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and sat next to you.

You sat there thinking about everything. You just had sex with your best friend. You could swear you would feel different. You thought you would feel bad for basically forcing him to do it. But you didn't. It didn't feel wrong. It actually felt right. It felt...good.

Then your thoughts went dark.

" Princess? Are you okay?"

You could feel Eddie watching you. You wanted to look at him, but now you were ashamed. Not about what just happened, but why it happened.

" N-no."

Now Eddie could think clearly. Did he do something wrong? It sure felt right to him. Should he have just said no? Was this a mistake? No. It felt too good to be.

He looked at you and tears were rolling down your face. He wrapped an arm around your waist and you just turned and buried your face in his chest.

You cried so hard that all he could do was hold you. You had never cried like this before. Your whole body trembled. Your crying made him cry too.

"W-what happened y/n?"

...

Eddie stood next to you two weeks later holding your hand while they buried your father. You were gone. You weren't you anymore. The smile Eddie had loved so much was gone. You were quiet and you cried all the time.

You had stayed with him every night since. He held you as you cried yourself to sleep. You moved like a ghost. He tried to distract you with whatever he could. But nothing was working.

You were a shell of who you used to be. Burying your father was the worst day of your life. You should have been with your mom those two weeks. But for some reason you blamed her for it.

Instead you stayed with Eddie and his uncle. You finally went back to school after the funeral. You roamed the halls like a zombie. Constantly running off to the bathroom to cry. Eddie would have to be the one to find you and calm you down enough to get back to class. He really was your saving grace.

Three months after the funeral you and Eddie started hooking up on the reg. You constantly found yourself either in the back of his van riding him or out in the woods where he sold drugs.

This day in particular you were laying down with your ass on the edge of the table. Eddie was on his knees between your legs going to town.

He'd been at this for the better part of the hour. You guys totally missed lunch and part of class. But it didn't matter. He was a god with his tongue. His touch made you forget about everything. He was working on your fourth orgasm when you sat up on your elbows.

" Munson we're gonna get detention if we don't go back."

He hummed into you, licking and sucking on your clit.

" Haven't even put my fingers in yet." He mumbled

You laid back down and moaned when he slid his long thick fingers into you.

Eddie couldn't get enough of your pussy. The damn thing was intoxicating. To be fair everything about you was. He just loved when you came on his tongue. He could live off your sweet nectar.

When you came for the final time he licked and swallowed every last drop. You sat up and pulled his hand to suck off your juice. Making his cock ache. He wanted to feel your walls hugged him. He wanted to bury his throbbing cock deep into your perfect pussy but you were right. You guys had to go back.

Once you put on your panties you hopped off the table and pulled down your dress. Both of you smirk and walk back.

" Coming tonight?" Eddie asked, shoulder bumping you.

" uh huh."

" Cool."

Eddie didn't know what was going on with you two. But he loved you so he was happy with whatever you gave him. He wanted you to be his girl. But this secret hooking up was making it clear that it was what you wanted for now. He wasn't complaining. He liked being with you like this and other ways too.

All he wished was that he knew what was going on in your head. You didn't talk about your father. Shit you barely talked at all. Which he missed like crazy. He missed the conversations and the laughs. He was determined to get you back by giving you whatever you needed.

It was almost unbelievable when you asked him to get high that night. You had never once wanted to smoke with him. Or drink for that matter. But when you came over you had asked.

When he came back you were naked. He has seen you naked countless times by now. But holy fuck were you so beautiful. Every curve, every stretch mark, all your perfect imperfections. He loved them all.

Of course he wasn't going to say no. He'd been wanting to see what you were like inebriated.

You sat on his couch while he went to his room to get his metal lunch box. He pulled out a perfectly rolled joint and smirked.

You were laying down with a small throw just covering your mid section.

" God princess."

You lifted your arms for him to come to you. He stripped down to his boxers and laid on top of you. His hands were on either side of your face with the joint and lighter in one hand.

" I thought you wanted to smoke."

" I do....But I want you inside me while we do."

" hmm never done this before." He grinned.

You pushed his hair back behind his ears and lifted a bit to kiss his neck. He threw his head back and groaned. You nipped at his neck and lifted your hips to his.

"Fuu.." he moaned when you sucked a small bruise on his shoulder.

He got to his knees and lit the joint taking a long puff. You went for his boxers freeing his cock. He leaned back down and blew the smoke into your mouth.

" Hold it." He whispered

He kissed your cheek down to your neck. You slowly let out the smoke and coughed slightly. He removed his mouth from your chest and took another hit. His lips met yours and he kissed you while blowing the smoke.

He guided himself into you. Sucking a large dark hickey on your chest. Doing this without protection was the new normal for him. The day after you got on birth control you threw away all his condoms.

He moved the blanket barrier because he wasn't close enough.

He did so. Taking one last puff of the joint before putting it out. He blew into your mouth then started to hit that sweet spot just how you liked it. He had you cumming in just a few minutes. He came too. Filling you up with his love. Cumming in you was the best thing in the world to him he secretly wished you would get pregnant so you would always be with him.

" Harder." You moaned.

Once he was done he sat back trying to catch his breath. The weed finally kicked in and you started to giggle. His heart was full at hearing that. It had been so long since you laughed.

" Fuck Munson." You said breathlessly.

" Y-yeah."

He got up and went to get a wash cloth and cleaned you up. You pulled on your panties and shirt. After you laid him his arms enjoying the high. You guys talked and laughed. Reliving all the fond memories you two had together.

"Do you remember when you and your uncle came over for Christmas for the first time?"

Eddie smiled. " Yeah."

He remembered everything about that day. He was almost 16 and it was his very first white Christmas. You and him were in your room. He was showing you his new Megadeth album while you finished knitting his beanie.

He was so happy that day. You had finally started warming up to him and hung out with him. You guys listened to the music and just talked about what to expect for your freshman year.

You had got up to open a window because all the cooking was making the house super hot. When you did you squealed.

" It's snowing."

Eddie jumped up and went to look too. He had honestly never seen snow. He grabbed your hand and you guys ran to the front door and put on your jackets.

It was really cold that night but Eddie didn't care. He wanted to build a snowman man. Out of nowhere you started throwing snow balls at him. He didn't want to hurt you so he just dodged them. His hands were freezing and you noticed. You went inside and grabbed his presents and two mugs of hot cocoa.

He put on his beanie and mittens and sat with you on the porch watching the snow fall. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he smiled. He had considered this to be your guy's first date.

" Remember we got so sick the next day."

Eddie laughed. " God yeah. That was so bad. I remember your dad made us his firehouse chili. It was so spicy I swear my mouth was on fire. But it did make me feel better. The snot just flowed out of me."

" Y-Yeah." Your voice broke.

Shit he didn't mean to bring up your dad.

" I'm sorry princess. I-"

" It's okay. Don't worry about it. It...it was a really great day."

He held you tighter. He wanted so badly to ask you to be his girl. But he didn't know if you were ready yet. All this time he was falling deeper in love with you. Sex was so damn good, he couldn't imagine it getting any better. You were an absolute goddess to him. He worshipped your body every chance he got. He thought that maybe you loved him too. You had to right? You wouldn't be doing this just to get your rocks off. But then again you were distant when it wasn't just you two.

Many weeks went by and you were changing even more. You had started drinking and skipping school like crazy. You stop staying with him, finally going back home. But you would eventually show up every other day. Wanting him to fuck you. Of course he did. He always wanted to give you what you needed. But you didn't seem to realize what you were doing to him. You were hurting him.

It was like you only wanted him when you were sad. And though Eddie hated you being sad he just wanted to help.

...

You were growing distant from everyone. It's not like you wanted to. But you did. Being with Eddie made you feel ok for a little while. But you wanted to stop sleeping with him. Because you were getting way too attached. It felt like every time you had sex you were getting used to the idea of him always being around.

You knew that wasn't the case. Everyone dies. Your dad made that clear to you. Sure you knew it was going to eventually happen but the reality of it was too much. You didn't want to lose Eddie too. He became too important too fast. And your feelings for him grew to the point where you loved him. Sure you "loved" him before. But not like this. He was quickly taking over your heart. And that was something you did not want.

Eddie has been an important person in your life. He was your best friend. But things went too far and you noticed that Eddie was getting attached too. And you needed it to stop.

So one night you confessed how you felt. You were always honest with him. And though you didn't want to hurt him. You actually wanted to be with him. But the thought of losing him was too much to bear.

Eddie was sitting on his bed listening to you say that you couldn't do this anymore. He was right. You weren't ready for a serious thing. It broke his heart but he could understand that. Not wanting to lose you too he agreed to stop with the sexual stuff.

However, he hadn't expected for you to pull away from him entirely. The only time he had seen you was at school. You withdrew from Hellfire and all the extra curricular activities. For weeks you were just not around.

He missed you like crazy. He tried to talk to you but you constantly scurried away when he got close. Why were you doing this to him? Weren't you guys still friends?

All his thoughts went back to sleeping with you. He knew it shouldn't have happened. Well it should have but not like that. He knew something was there. You had feelings for him too. How could you not? One night when you had fallen asleep in his arms you moaned an I love you.

He loved you so very much. And that's all he wanted to do. But you kept up the distance and it hurt.

One Saturday Eddie went to a party to deal some drugs. He had planned on going to your house after to try and talk but you were at this party. You had clearly been drinking. You didn't see him but he saw you. Some guy was kissing on your neck while you were drinking a beer.

Words couldn't describe the pain Eddie felt in his heart. Is this what you were doing these past few weeks? Had you moved on? He thought you said you weren't ready. Why the fuck would you be letting some guy be on you like that, when you wanted him?

He was so angry that he was ready to beat the shit out of the guy. But that's when he saw who it was. Billy Hargrove. His dad was one of the crew members with your dad.

Eddie put two and two together. You attached yourself to the only person who knew how you felt. He took off cursing the world for not being the one you needed.

He went home balling his eyes out for you. For all the pain you felt that he couldn't help you with. He cried for himself. How much it hurt him to see you with someone else.

...

It was stupid. Letting Billy touch you. You were already four beers, three shots of tequila in when he started to hit on you.

You really weren't paying too much attention to him, until he started getting closer. Soon you were leaning up against a wall with him kissing on your neck. Then he started touching you everywhere.

" Let's go find a room" he mumbled into your neck.

" Umm y-yeah. Why don't...don't you find an empty one. And-and I'll get us more drinks."

He nodded and left. You stumbled to the kitchen looking for the phone. The numbers were blurry and the room started to spin a little. It took you two times to punch in the right number.

"Hello?"

" M-munson"

" Y/n?"

" H-hey. I'm at erm... a party. And I don't...feel good."

" I'll be right there."

You didn't even bother to hang up the receiver. You made it outside and sat down. The spinning got worse causing you to throw up. After you just laid on the ground and fell asleep.

Eddie sped over to find you passed out on the grass.

" Fuck!"

He ran to you holding you in his lap. You reeked of booze and vomit.

" Princess? C'mon. Wake up."

You groaned slightly. " Ed-Eddie?"

" Yeah baby. I'm here. C'mon. Let's go home."

Once he got to his trailer, he helped you into the showered. He got in too washing you up. He had pulled out a pair of pajamas you left there and helped you get dressed. He brushed your hair and braided it before you guys laid down.

He watched you all night. Making sure you were okay. You had started talking in your sleep. Which normally you just moaned a little.

" Eddie please don't go."

He hugged you tighter. " I'm not going anywhere."

"I...love you."

He knew it was just sleep talking but he waited so long to hear those words come from you again. He kissed your forehead.

" I love you y/n."

...

Sometime in the very early morning he fell asleep. But when he woke up you were gone. He tried calling you. He even went to your house. But no one was there.

It wasn't until Monday when he saw you at school. He tried to talk to you all morning but for some reason you kept avoiding him. Even in the classes you had together you didn't even look at him. You were breaking his heart.

During lunch he couldn't take it anymore. He needed this conversation to happen.

He looked everywhere for you to no avail. That was until he found you in the parking lot. You were in Billy's car doing something. As he got closer he saw exactly what you were doing.

You had a rolled up dollar bill to your nose and were sniffing some white powder. Eddie freaked the fuck out. He pulled open the door.

"Y/N WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

"Mun-"

He pulled you out by your arm, dragging you towards his van.

" YOU'RE HURTING ME!" You cried out.

Out of the blue he felt a pair of hands on him.

Billy pulled you away and got in his face.

" What the hell's your problem man?! Don't you see she doesn't want to go with you?!"

"FUCK YOU HARGROVE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GIVING HER THAT SHIT?!" Eddie shoved him and went back to grab your hand.

Before he could Billy tackled him. They were rolling around throwing blow after blow.

You were yelling for them to stop. A few kids came and surrounded you guys. You tried to grab Billy off but he pushed you away.

When Eddie saw you fall he got the upper hand and was now on top of Billy. Punch after punch. Eddie was going off.

Finally teachers came and ripped the two apart.

Everyone was suspended. Billy was a bloody mess and Eddie had a busted lip and a bloody nose. When you were all sent home you had a choice to make. Go with Eddie or go with Billy.

You made the stupidest choice. You could see the hurt in Eddie's eyes when you got into Billy's car.

...

Eddie was beyond pissed. How could you choose Billy over him? You said you loved him. What the fuck was wrong with you?!

When he got home his uncle was getting ready to leave. They had gotten into an argument about his suspension.

Eddie didn't say why he got into a fight. Just that Billy threw the first punch. When his uncle left Eddie went to the restroom to see the damage.

His knuckles were all bruised and sore. His nose had some dried blood. But other than that he was fine. Physically that is. Emotionally he was a wreck.

He cleaned himself up and changed his clothes. He lit a cigarette and went outside.

A familiar car approached. But he couldn't look at you. When you got off you stood a few feet in front of him.

" Eddie? Are you okay?" Your soft voice only served to hurt him more.

" What the hell are you doing here?" He said taking a drag of his cigarette.

" I came to see if you were okay."

"Why?"

" What do you mean why?"

" Y/n don't act like you care about me."

" What?! I do care about you."

"No you don't! You only care about yourself."

"Eddie-"

" No y/n. You have to stop this. Whatever you're doing."

" I'm not doing anything-"

" YES YOU ARE! Don't you see how you're acting and what you're doing is affecting me?'

Of course you did. That's why you were keeping your distance. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt your best friend.

" Eddie I'm sorry. I-"

" Don't be. Just fucking go."

You didn't know what to say. You loved him. But all you kept doing was hurting him.

"Do you really want me to go? Because I don't want to...We need to talk about this."

He took another puff. Now he had a choice to make. Hurt more or let you go. Letting go though wasn't an option for him.

He sighed. "Y/n look. Maybe the way things happened for us was not okay. But I'm glad it did. I know that what we were doing wasn't wrong...I've wanted you for so long that everything we did felt like it was supposed to happen. Looking back when we first met it's crazy to think about. I never thought that every day since we would be building a bond that was so strong. A bond that makes me want you forever. Y/n you are my best friend. And - and I know you're going through a lot right now. But I can be here for you. You don't need to get wasted or do drugs to get past this. What you need is to talk to me. Be with me. Be my best friend again. I can help you. You know I lost my mom too. You don't need Billy or anyone else. I love you y/n. And I need you to see that I'm not going anywhere."

This was exactly what you didn't want to happen. This is the reason you wanted to stay away from him. You needed him. But you didn't want to need anyone. You wanted to just disappear.

There was shit going on that no one knew. And with Billy knowing how it felt to lose a parent that way, he got it. Eddie lost his mom too. But that was years ago and she died from an illness. You thought he wouldn't understand.

But he did. He knew what it was like to hurt that way. He knew what it was like trying to drown out your sorrows with alcohol and drugs. Shit you were the one to get him to stop doing it so much. But things were changing now.

" Eddie as much as I would like to say that I love you too. I can't. Everything is so messed up that we can't go back. We can't just start over."

" I don't want to start over. I want to fix whatever is wrong."

" Eddie... we're moving."

The cigarette butt burned his fingers and he tossed it. He looked at you and was confused.

" W-what?"

You wiped away a tear. " My mom can't afford the house now. So we are moving to Arizona with my grandparents."

"W-what?!"

His world started falling apart. No this can't be happening.

" That's why I tried to stay away. That's why I needed too. That and I don't want to hurt you anymore...we can't do this... I'm still grieving for my dad. I keep making the wrong choices. And I need to get myself back. I can't love you. I don't want to."

Eddie's eyes started to swell with tears. He stood up getting closer to you.

" You love me though... You love me? That's why you keep pushing me away?"

" Eddie. I can't. I'm leaving."

He got closer. " No. Just admit it. You love me. That's why you chose to be with me. Have me be your first? Did you know that you were mine too?"

" Eddie I-"

" No princess. Don't deny it now." He was so close now. His body was pressed up against yours.

" You love me. You want to be with-"

You took a step back. "I don't want to lose you too."

" What?" He said taking a step back as well.

He could hear your shuddered breathing. " Eddie everyone leaves or dies. It's just best if I leave. And you move on."

" Nope."

Eddie pulled you into his arms. " I'm not leaving. I'm not dying anytime soon. And you are not leaving me without telling me the truth."

You hung your head shaking it.

He cupped your face with one hand making you look at him.

" Tell me you don't love me." He kissed your cheek. "Tell me the thought of being without me doesn't keep you up at night...Tell me that you don't always want to be in my bed. That you don't dream about me like how I dream about you... Tell me that when you look at me you don't see a future with us having kids and married. Because I do. I see all that with you...Tell me you don't love it when I make love to you...tell me you don't and I'll let you go."

Fuck why did he have to say that. Of course you felt all that and more. But you couldn't. You shouldn't.

" Kiss me...Kiss m-"

Eddie pulled you closer and kissed you with everything he had. Another stupid decision. But God it felt so good when you're with him. He was your everything. Your love. Your best friend.

You guys ended up in his room. You were on top of him slowly rocking your hips back and forth. Your mouths attached to one another's. Eddie was right about everything. You loved him with every fiber of your being.

After you laid in his arms. You wanted to confess your feelings. But this was the end. It had to be.

...

You spent every night with Eddie until you were about to leave Hawkins. Eddie tried to get you to stay. He even had his uncle agree to have you live with them. But you refused.

Eddie was standing outside of your house. You guys had just finished packing up the moving van. You said your goodbyes last night. But he couldn't let you leave without hearing you say it.

" Y/n. Please. Just tell me."

" What good would it do if I said it?"

" Then I'll know that you do. And I can go on and think none of this was a mistake."

You sighed. " No words can describe all the feelings I have for you. You have shown me what love really is. That it goes beyond sex. It's the way you talk to me, the way you hold me, the way you touch me. It's how you always show up when I need you... I didn't fall in love with you because I wanted to. I fell in love with you because everything felt right. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel alone. I fell in love with you for all the reasons you showed me every single day... Eddie...until the stars stop twinkling, until the sun no longer burns, until the world stops turning. I will always love you. I swear I will... forever."

Eddie's heart broke all over again. He knew it. And now you were leaving him.

He gave you one last kiss before he watched you leave.

Maybe in another life or at another time. You guys could have been together. He stood there with eyes full of tears knowing you took a piece of him with you.

He knew you would never come back. And though he told himself that one day he would be okay. You would always have his heart.

...

@salenorona23

[celestie0]

IT’S CELESTIEFAN3000 i have to say i like tumblr way more than ao3 so i’ll be using this to comment from now on 😋 But i would like to personally thank you for writing chapter 9, your author voice is genuinely so appealing and HONESTLY you could pass off as a literal professional author if I didn’t know this was fanfiction!

Now for the uglier feelings: (please ignore typos or other mistakes i wrote a lot. I am very normal about kickoff, obviously)

I SOBBED LIKE A BABY MIDWAY AND BECAME A CRYING SOUND EFFECT AT THE END OK OK OKAYYYYYYY 😭😭💫💫 I’m still dizzy and lightheaded from the effect ur writing gives me (THIS IS A GOOD THING) it’s so addicting i need more😭‼️ UGHHHH the way you build that exact RIGHT amount of comfort to compensate for the suffering you’ve but us through but still managed to EDGE US AT THE END . I WISH YOU WEREN’T SO GOOD AT THIS FANFICTION THING, BECAUSE DAMN! 😭😭😭😭

The scenes were so fucking beautiful, I love the peaceful atmosphere that rain gives and how you were able to contrast that as an escape from that horrible loud and noisy bar to just a horrible man!!!!! You really know how to direct scenes and i can not express in words how much they mean to me 🥹🥹😭😭😭

I feel like I’ve overused the crying face emoji too much in my ask BUT I ACTUALLY MEAN IT HERE EVERY TIME I can fill an entire glass up of my tears that kickoff caused me to shed alone 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Everything was just great vegetables, this chapter will definitely be haunting me while I sleep but it ended with an amazing scenario to build off of and dream about RIGHT?☺️ Anyway, my last words here are that I admire how you’ve been working on this project for around a couple months now nonstop, but the quality has not dropped and has instead improved despite it getting really tiring the more you carry on with it! Maybe that’s just how I feel about finishing what I’ve started LMAO but it’s so impressive every time I see someone able to pull that off, I’ve seen some fics succumb to the tragedy of “i-just-want-to-get-this-over-with-because-the-concept-no-longer-interests-me-anymore”-ness 😔 BUT WITH KICKOFF! I’m so happy that the author is as passionate about the characters and plot in their fanfiction as I am, and hard work really does pay off! (for the reader, hard work is waiting 3 weeks for a new fic— but the read’s always better the longer you wait 😉)

My ADHD really came out here I deeply apologize but my ACTUAL final words are: I wish I had a bf like gojo, Oh My God You Are A Legend Ellie, You are most deserving person of meeting Gojo Satoru FIRST if he ever comes to life, it is 1am haha so i’m sleeping now ☺️🤍 Celestiefan300 out!

MY SWEET ANGEL BB CELESTIEFAN3000 😭🫶🏼💕💕 HI DEAR

UMM CAN I JUST SAY IM AB TO SOB ALR JUST FROM HOW LONG THIS ASK IS ??? PLS FORGIVE MY URGE TO RESPOND TO EVERY ASPECT OF IT

thank you sm for the compliments on the writinf omg i rly feel comin into my own now n finding my voice as i continue to write more so seeing u say that esp as a long term reader is just ssooo dhddldfk 🥺💕 brb gonna cry

PLS IM SO SORRY FOR THE SAD EMOTIONSS aaa yes the baby steps to build their relationship has been……baby stepping indeed LOL but it was so nice to write the scene at rhe end where gojo comforts her 😭💕 so excited to write lovey dovey gojo now

OMG STOPPP w the nice words i will literally eat u for breakfast🧍🏻‍♀️the contrast w the soothing rain & hectic bar scene 😭 u pointing that out just made me soooo freaking happyy and wahh im so glad the scenes resonate w you :””) <33

ME TOO I FEEL IM HOLDING BACK ALL THE 😭😭😭 WMOJIS I COULD USE READING THIS ASK

awhh thanks darling im so happy kickoff has ur continued interest and AW to hear its improving means sm to me 🥺💕 im so passionate ab it, it has been so cathartic to write, and although its also hard to write sometimes bc of the personal aspects, it’s so joyous to me and i look forward to seeing it thru to the end w the same amt of passion. HAHAHA its hard work to read tho damn 😮‍💨 ur not wrong!! and also yes i too will be daydreaming of what happens next 🤣

my final words: i love u sm, YOU deserve a satoru (but i will gladly have him too if u say so🙈), so blessed to have u as a reader, and please get some good sleep my love <33

eeeeeee 🫶🏼💕

[hometownrockstar]

I’ve been wanting to read new books/comics do you have any suggestions? I wanna broaden my horizon and try out works I haven’t had the chance to get into!

yeah sure! ive been reading quite a bit lately, mainly horror and disturbing books/mangas so obviously trigger warnings for those ones i can elaborate on specific ones if u ask but i'll keep it short... iunno what specifically you might want so i'll just shoutout my favs recently

Berserk has been the latest manga ive been reading, probably one of the hardest ones to read bc its VERY sad and disturbing but is an incredible story nonetheless. i am not phased easily by written stuff but berserk was the first thing to have a scene that i had to look away from so proceed with caution... Berserk is interesting bc it has Nietzschean tragedy themes and structure, portraying a world where evil and pain happens for no reason despite humans fearing not pain but pain without purpose, but it also holds a sense of compassion and realism to both the good and bad, exemplifying how Nietzsche saw tragedy as beneficial to enjoying and valuing the good parts of life. Sorry this got long but a lot of horror stuff i feel can be boiled down to "Super fucked up bad things happen in it" which doesnt give the whole scope of how a specific media might handle or portray it, so i wanted to explain how it feels to me, rather than just saying its gratuitous.

Something different is the manga Ultra Heaven! this was like finding gold when i discovered it, its short and unfortunately incomplete but i highly recommend it just for the incredible illustration work and playing with paneling and crazy mind stuff. its written by a guy who does drugs and often points to psychadelics as a heavy influence for his work, and its extremely apparent in this one. if you love beautiful artwork and surrealist mind-fucky narratives (like perfect blue or eva) then i cant recommend this enough.

ok i cant let this get too long ummm Animorphs! throwing a curveball but its still horror, just kid's cosmic horror. and war. and its really good, even tho i read it as an adult for the first time i loved it. actually rlly good commentary on the ethics and grey morality during war. Heres where u can download every book, the megamorphs and alternamorphs are required for the plot btw theyre listed in the order u read them in-between the series books.

A good horror/comedy manga is Franken Fran, i INSTANTLY took to it when i picked it up its my style of dark comedy exactly. i really liked black jack for the episodic chapter style, n this is like black jack but with dark comedy body horror and i love it :3

Back to books... I'll list these together, Come Closer by Sara Gran and Confessions by Kanae Misato. I stayed up all night on two separate nights reading these bc they had me hooked so well lol... I wouldnt call them horror, more like thriller/tragedies. come closer has a great writing style, its a rather sad book about a woman being possessed by a demon, really good sparse prose that emphasizes details. Confessions is just... u gotta go right into it, its GREAT. really intriguing style and premise, love the epistolary format, SO good with details.

The Melancholy of Anatomy by Shelley Jackson, short story compilation. i talked abt it best in this post so i'll link it

Bonding by Maggie Siebert is a great short story horror collection as well, the horror feels like aching and emotionally palpable in it, very well done one of my fav horror books ive read so far.

These next two things are about more abstract writing so dont expect completely clear narratives -w- but I read Amygdalatropolis by B.R. Yeager and i SUPER loved it but i might have to reread it a couple of times to get the hang of it. his newer book Negative Space has good reviews so i'll check it out soon but thats more of a grounded narrative, Amygdalatropolis juggles surrealist imagery, forum text, symbolic elements in a truly hypnotic way.

Umm finally i have been really into books of poetry by Sam Pink lately :)! theyre rather short and like some are more story-related but theyre absurdist and really like, good and resonating in a personal way, i really super enjoy it, i read You Hear Ambulance Sounds And Think They Are For You and a bit of Person and i like them a lot :)

[lesbianbarbaragordon]

1 5 20 27 for the comic ask game!!!!

hiii moss so sorry i took so long. im so slow at this stuff, even though i love doing it hehe. thanks again for submitting !!!<3

Who's your favorite character and why?

Oh man I have a problem with choosing faves bc i'm just so indecisive !!! I usually analyze characters and get to appreciate their themes and personalities aka how well they are written, so it's so hard for me to dismiss others in favour of A Single One... bc i genuinely appreciate so many characters...

i usually have a character rotation in my brain honestly... this week it's bruce... last week it was barbara... damian... cass... tim... jason... helena... kate... all of these characters are so interesting to me... and they all tackle different things and have different personalities...

i think that in general, though, i tend to gravitate towards characters with interesting moral dilemmas... especially if they are complex and i get to play around with their actions and feelings.... i like to think as a hobbie, as weird as that sounds LOL

so i think that my final veredict is gonna be: jason and bruce (barbara is a close second)

5. What's your favorite comic book sibling relationship?

hmmmmm, i'd need to read more comics for this bc lately ive mostly been reading solo runs, but if i had to say any so far i think it's helena and tim (does this count? it counts)

i think the way they bounce off each other is soso funny, tim is the most unsufferable little gremlin to her and helena has to put up with it. he looks her up and annoys her but they would both take a bullet for each other. do u know what i mean? that's real young brother/older sister ism

20. If you were given a comic run for character [x], what would you write about?

Jason. I'm sorry.

I know I'd be able to write about Kate (in which case I'd write about lesbianism) or Barbara (in which case I'd write about girl rage) and even about Steph (more girl rage) but there's something so enticing to me about Jason

Because to an extent u can't *not* empathize with him during utrh, he has a point even if barely, and the way he's grown to see the world and his ideals comes from the tragedy of his death and resurrection and his subsequent feelings about it, about bruce, about himself and gotham and u need the slightest bit of compassion ontop of all the condemnation of his wrongdoings to make it right

like. there are *so* many examples where writers have resorted to demonizing him and butchering what he wants and what he says it's kind of frustrating. and i think the way forward to truly giving the jason from utrh what he needs, not what he wants is soso interesting and full of posibilities to explore

i want him to see the other side of the coin, i want him to come to terms with what the use of violence means and where that puts him, i want him to be questioned, to be faced with the consequences of what he did in utrh, to reach his own conclusions and find out what he wants isn't what will make him right again. i want him to come to terms with his own tragedy and the way he's destroyed himself to prove a point, to see how symilar he is to bruce and how that should tell him all he needs to know.

sorry. im very insane about him. anyways hope this was comprehensible hehe ^__^

27. Any comic runs you've been meaning to read?

Ooooh man, so many... soso many !!!

robin 1993 don't think i've forgotten about you !!! i rlly wanna pick this up and keep reading abt tim. he's my dearest little freak

batgirl 2000. for obvious reasons hehe

no man's land. i have faith in rucka and what he can write. @ moss u are also obsessed with this and i wanna talk abt it with u<3 so i'm rlly impatient to finally delve on it hehe, especially bc i know it's cass' first introduction ^__^

birds of prey. dinah lance and barbara gordon i will love u forever !!! im very excited to read about female superheroes bc they have a way to worm into my brain so deeply... i love female characters

batman: batman and son. ummmm i started this the other day but i have to keep going. i know all about the morrison racism... sigh... but it introduces damian my pookie nevertheless so i rlly wanted to check it out.

along the same line is resurrection of ra's al ghul and batman and robin (2009)

also some iconic stuff like bruce wayne murderer? fugitive, the man who laughs, hush, etc.

young justice (1998) for a healthy dose of tim :) also timkon. and cassie who i rlly wanna meet !!!

saga of the supersons pretty much because I think Jon is adorable and I like Damian, haven't finished it yet but i want at least to get to the end of it, even if some stuff is a little.. mediocre and uninspired

i also wanna read some stuff featuring christ kent and especially lois lane, i think she's a fantastic character and i'd love to delve deeper into her hehe

i think that's kinda everything... thanks for submitting again mwah !!! i love talking about comics (original ask game here)

[yukizakii]

ghosts ch. 1

They were both broken people. Broken people didn’t fix each other, as the pieces would never quite perfectly together. But they understood each other. They were able to see the beauty within one other of being incomplete. --

fall, 1870. The Boshin War is over. Yukimura Chizuru returns to her childhood home in Tokyo to learn how to live again. Nagakura Shinpachi has escaped with his life under a new name.

The world is cruel, but it works in mysterious ways to bring their paths together again.

(aka a hakuoki fanfic | shinpachi x chizuru centric; post hijikata bad end) 

xposted on AO3

— one.

“Ow!”

The clay of the teacup burned hot, much hotter than Chizuru had expected, and her fingers instinctively drew away from the heat. The cup slipped from her grasp and smashed into scattered shards onto the ground, the oolong tea that had once been contained forming little rivers in-between the cracks of the stone pavement. A few droplets beaded onto her kimono, but she quickly brushed them away with the back of her hand; she had washed all of her silks just yesterday, and she hardly wanted to have this one stain.

She sighed. It was probably her twentieth sigh of the day so far, and the sun had just barely moved into the sky. Every time she let out another heavy breath, she could almost hear Okita’s voice teasing her—What are you sighing for, Chizuru-chan? Don’t you know that I might have to kill you for looking so unhappy?

But he wasn’t here, and neither were any of her old friends.

Chizuru was alone, and lost.

Stop, Chizuru. Don’t think like that. Negativity was no stranger to her now. She could barely even go through the motions of her daily tea routine without thoughts and voices from the past lingering in the back of her mind.

Each morning she woke up to felt like night, a darkness shrouding over mind like the shadows of the weeping willows in Kyoto. Heavy as it was, she still forced herself to get up from her futon and face each day. She had to live, because as much as she sometimes wished that it was all but a dream, it was reality. She had to live, for those who didn’t.

You have to live, like they wanted you to.

She reached for the broken pieces of the clay cup, but a jagged piece slipped through her palm and slashed through the skin. Chizuru let out an instinctive gasp in pain and dropped the broken pottery again, watching as the blood welled from her hand and dripped over her arm. The bright red droplets struck her with a sense of deja vu, and suddenly she was transported back years before. There she was in front of the well at the Shinsengumi compound washing dishes when she had cut her finger in a similar way, and Heisuke, Heisuke-kun, had been confronted with his Rasetsu bloodlust for the first time.

But it didn’t just stop there. The sight and smell of her blood continued to reveal a torrent of memories that washed over her with a vivid brightness—memories that she had been trying to repress every day. That alley in Kyoto during a snowfall, the smell of blood and the high-pitched laughter of a monster in the air. The brilliant scarlet that seemed to flood the streets of Kyoto after Kinmon no Hen, mixed with the smell of smoke and ash from the fires.

That flowering cherry blossom tree in Hakodate, the spiderweb of blood across her hand transforming into a river that flowed into the ground from a man’s body.

“Look, Hijikata-san. It’s the Flag of Sincerity that everyone worked so hard to raise.”

—

She had no idea how long she stayed under that beautiful, cursed cherry blossom tree. Seconds, minutes, hours—time meant nothing to her anymore. The only thing that she knew of was that at that moment, he was gone. As the war raged on, Chizuru had felt herself becoming alarmingly numb to loss. She had become almost accustomed to seeing the dead lay on the ground through each city they trekked through, and the snippets of conversations she overheard no shook her like they used to. A hundred of our men, lost at Bonari Pass seemed like normal war talk now. But being surrounded by death and devastation didn’t make it any easier though. Losing her father, her friends, and her family had pierced through her heart, and she couldn’t think of a night that she hadn’t cried herself to sleep for the past few months.

Losing Heisuke and Sannan had broken her for days—she still felt partially responsible for the creation of the Ochimizu, and it pained her to know that she would never laugh with Heisuke again, or see Sannan’s cunning smile. Okita and Kondou had felt like some kind of sick joke from God, the two of them leaving this world in ways that were unfit for the two strongest warriors she knew. Harada, the man who had a spirit so loud and noble that somehow could make everyone smile, was now someone she would never hear from again. Every one of her friends’ deaths wrecked her heart open in ways that she didn’t know it could bleed. But losing him was different. She had held Hijikata’s body in her arms long after his eyes closed and the last traces of warmth left him, her tears dripping endlessly down her cheeks and onto his bloodied uniform.

She didn’t know what to do without him.

For the past five years, he had been a constant presence in her life. Chizuru had first come to depend on him for protection and stability; to the girl that had somehow landed into the Shinsengumi headquarters, Hijikata had been downright scary. His steely violet eyes seemed to read straight through her every time he caught her outside of her room, and she felt secondhand fear every time that she saw the way that he tolerated no sort of disobedience from his soldiers and punished those who strayed from the Shinsengumi’s code with injury or worse. But then as those first few months somehow stretched into years, Chizuru’s fear slowly faded and her days and memories began to fill with so many other emotions and experiences with Hijikata. Even though she spent her days with all of the different captains of the Shinsengumi, it was somehow always Hijikata that was by her side when she needed it the most.

Hijikata, who had shielded and fought against Kazama for her, his arm wrapped around her and her kodachi in the other. Hijikata, who was uncharacteristically fussy about his long, beautiful jet-black hair, and had yet allowed her to comb and tie it back while he had worked. Hijikata, who secretly wrote poetry with a smile on his face when no one was looking. Hijikata, who had taken her to a restaurant after a festival in Kyoto, and had paid for what was a surprisingly luxurious meal for what he had gruffly described as “just a thank you, you’ve been a big help”.

Hijikata, who had drank the Ochimizu that her father had created, and gave up his humanity to protect her from Kazama and to stand up for his values.

Their initial relationship as a page and superior had been awkward at best, and trust had been slow to develop. But after 5 years, the realization came to her so suddenly that she had almost fallen over herself: she was in deeply love with him. Her heart ached to always be near him and she loved to hear her name roll off his tongue—secretly, she thought that sounded more beautiful than she had ever heard it said. Chizuru had never had anything more than innocent crushes and dates when she had lived with Kodo in Edo, but her emotions and heart felt so strongly towards this person that she was certain that this was love, and a love that she knew would not come easily.

And of course it didn’t, because the man her heart had fallen in love with was like a force of a demon himself. Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata Toshizou. Hijikata Toshizou, who was feared but adored by equally as many. Hijikata who was the talk of the town at times, with his long black hair that he refused to cut and high cheekbones that seemed to only accentuate his piercing gaze. Chizuru knew that he was a handsome man, some even saying he looked as if he had walked out of a wood-block painting, but she found more merit in the Hijikata she knew. His dedication, his resilience, his loyalty, and his love ran deeper than anyone else would ever know.

He had chosen her. And then he had left her.

Memories and concern for Hijikata filled her mind and thoughts endlessly for the months she stayed by herself alone in Sendai. She knew that he had left her in Sendai for her own safety; a young woman had no place in a war after all, but it was maddening. Chizuru knew she was no good on the battlefield and defenseless against a gun, but being left behind crushed her more than she could have ever imagined. She had no idea if she would ever see him again—dead or alive. What had happened to Kondou was something she very well knew could be something that could happen to Hijikata. But once she received the letter from Ootori, she had hastened to Ezo with her heart thudding in her chest with every thought that she was one step closer to seeing Hijikata again. No matter the hurt and pain that lay ahead of them, she knew that she had to be by his side.

And it had been so worth it. For a few months, despite knowing the pain and suffering that lay ahead of them, she had been happier than ever, just to be by his side. From the moment of their reunion, Chizuru was able to see his actions and words in so much more clarity. The bitter hoarseness in his voice when he yelled at his troops was not conveying anger, but worry to please come back alive. His scowl on his face when he worked long nights was not just because he was frustrated to shoulder this burden, but because he didn’t want anyone else to take the fall for the secret messages he was sending. He was the strongest person she had ever met, yet also the kindest and gentlest at the same time as well. In those few short months, Chizuru witnessed all sides of Hijikata and learned just how soft his hands could be on her hair, or the warmth of his embrace during the occasional nights that he did not work until dawn and allowed her to stay in the room with him.

If she could shoulder some of his pain and suffering, Chizuru had thought, then that was enough purpose for her to keep existing. If her blood was truly as powerful as Sanan and Kodo had alluded, then she would use it all and anything else in her power to keep him alive.

But he was gone, and she had failed. Maybe he would survived if she let him drink her dry, but Hijikata Toshizou was never the kind of person who would save himself at the expense of someone else. Makoto, he would say. Sincerity, which was the foundation for the Shinsengumi’s core beliefs. One had to be sincere and true to himself as a warrior and as a man to the end. Hijikata Toshizou had chosen his path. He chose to use his remaining life force to protect her from Kazama, and protect the beliefs that he had loved and carried for so long. He had died a warrior, and she knew that the Shinsengumi and all that he had fought for was finally at rest with him as well.

The two of them had known that this was a possibility from the start; the war was drawing to a close, and they were fighting a losing battle in Hakodate. Chizuru knew from the way Hijikata shook with anger and pain his sleep, or the scowl on his face every time he walked into the room from another meeting. She had always had some hope that maybe, just maybe, they would prevail and the two of them would find a future together.

But there was no place in this world for the two of them.

In a rush of scattered cherry blossoms, another individual had appeared under the tree—Amagiri. Polite as always, the red-haired demon he had greeted her with a formal bow before speaking. Since Kazama had strayed from the way of a demon and had continued to meddle with humans against his Clan warnings, he no longer could be laid to rest with his ancestors. Amagiri had come to bury Kazama’s body—and if Chizuru would like, Hijikata as well. How Amagiri knew that Kazama had died was some Demon logic that Chizuru knew was simply beyond her, but in that moment, she had been oddly relieved. Chizuru had always been a sensible girl, and even in times of crisis, she had a way of forcing herself to function. Even though burying Hijikata was exactly the last thing she wanted at that very moment, this was war. If they did not bury him now, his body would be discovered by troops and dragged out as a trophy to mark the fall of the Shinsengumi. She would have rather herself die than allow that to happen, but there was no way that she alone could have ever found the strength, physical and emotional, to bury him.

So she had let Amagiri dig two graves underneath that beautiful cherry blossom tree to lay both Kazama and Hijikata to rest. At Chizuru’s request, Amagiri dug Hijikata’s grave on the other side of the tree, away from Kazama’s; she knew that he would abhor being buried directly next to the demon he had spent years fighting. She took her final last glance at the man she had loved in the earth—his eyes closed, dark hair framing his face, swords crossed over his body, looking more peaceful and well-rested than she had ever seen him—and then turned away, unable to look as Amagiri completed the burial process.

Chizuru had been so consumed with grief that what happened afterwards was a blur. When she admitted she didn’t have an idea of her next move, Amagiri had simply stated, “It would be unwise to allow a woman to travel alone.” He had accompanied her to Hakodate, where she collected the rest of their personal belongings and relayed the news of Hijikata’s passing to Ootori. They then traveled to Yase, where Osen had been waiting; news of Kazama’s battle against a fake Demon had spread fast in the Demon world, and she had immediately sought to take Chizuru under the protection of the Yase Demon Clan. Chizuru had little memory of the months she spent in Yase; she only remembered grief and sorrow. News of the defeat of the Shogunate army and the rise of the Meiji Restoration flitted into

the Demon village over the next few months, but none of it meant anything to Chizuru. Hijikata was gone. Okita was gone. Heisuke, Sannan, Kondou, Harada…her life as she had known it, and all the people that had made it were gone. She heard nothing about Saito and Nagakura, but it hurt too much to hope. But after a few months of moping and living like a shell, Chizuru decided that she wanted to return to her home in Edo—well, Tokyo, now. She still had a home there, after all, and as kind as Osen and the demon clan of Yase was, it was not her home. So after six long years, Chizuru had finally returned to the old house that she had used to live with her father. Kodo, the man she had thought was her father. It had taken her almost a full two weeks to clean out all of the dust and vermin that had accumulated in the space over almost half a decade, but she had never been one to shy away from hard work. Rather, she had thrown herself into it, desperate for something, anything to do, to keep her mind busy and away from her thoughts. What quite honestly should have been work for two or three, she had completed in an astonishingly short time.

Chizuru had cleaned and changed the house to be more of a modest one fit to her needs; she had sold away most of their belongings, and kept only the essentials of what she needed. In this exchange and cleanup, Chizuru had dug out her women's clothes, but quickly found that many of her old kimonos in her closet no longer fit her—and well, of course they didn’t. She had last been a growing sixteen-year-old girl the last time she had worn them, and now she was a twenty-one year old woman. The hems that had once grazed her feet were now hanging above the ankles, and the silk was tight around her new curves and defined muscle she had developed after years of patrolling and running around Kyoto.

It was a strange and painful reminder that so much had changed.

Crafty as she was, Chizuru had loosened the seams and sewn together some of the cloth to create a couple of kimonos that fit her, so she could finally retire her pale peach hakamashita and hakama into storage. How strange for her to finally fold and lay those clothes away, although quite honestly she should have reduced them to rags. The silk had been patched and restitched over and over with years of wear and tear, but part of herself could not simply bear to toss that part of her life away. Instead, she had neatly folded it up and placed it into a box, next to her tattered Western military uniform. Her kodachi was racked on display in the bedroom, close enough to where she could grab it, but Chizuru sorely hoped that she would never need to touch that blade again.

But what was she doing here in Tokyo? What would she be doing, for the rest of her life? She had no idea. Chizuru knew that her existence and troubles as a female Demon did not end with Kazama’s death; Osen had been sure to warn her of it, and had strongly cautioned her against returning to Tokyo alone. But despite the lack of a clear direction in her future, and the dangers of traveling and living alone, Chizuru knew that she needed some sort of normalcy. She didn't want to think of Demons, of Rasetsu, of Ochimizu, of war and blood and death—she wanted to grieve alone, quietly, away from all that had pained her.

She was here, living and trying to bury her past life behind, but it always seemed to follow her.

She was just here. Existing, living. Drinking tea on her front porch, although her current cup was now smashed to smithereens and the tea was seeping into the hardwood. That painful memory hung heavily on her heart, and she wiped away tears from her face with her unbloodied hand, although the wound was already well on its way to healing. Maybe she would go into the town today to get some new teacups along with her daily groceries for meals; she still had a hard time stomaching food at times, but Chizuru knew she needed to keep her strength up. She wanted to start a garden in the back as well, to save her coin for fresh vegetables for when she needed it. Ootori had paid her well for her time and escape, but she knew it wouldn’t last forever. At some point, she would need to recoup her finances and find work to sustain herself.

But for today, she wanted to be normal. As normal as she could be.

Live, Chizuru.

I am living, Hijikata-san.

Chizuru stood up and stepped outside, tilting her head up to the sky. A slight breeze fanned across her face, and she inhaled the air deep into her lungs. Even though it was well into fall, she thought for the briefest moment, she smelled the sweet scent of cherry blossoms. Maybe today would be a good day.