#unfortunately ive been doing this for so long that i just kinda. Do It? so its hard to explain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

todayisafridaynight · 10 months

Note

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

#long post #cw csa #doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately #snap chats #THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit #I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby #and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them #i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them #i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics #so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects #tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine #the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less #when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense #THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato #even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre #cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist #but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi #BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY #childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL #i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good #so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That

11 notes · View notes

pupyuj · 9 months

Note

PLEAAASE PLSPLSPLSZZ g!p jock annyeongz dragging nerdy y/n under the bleachers and they team up and fuck her senseless n stupid!!! like front an back😫😫 kinda need this to be highly dubcon😫😫TYSM

also can i be 🍒 anon?

man i would be working on other asks but the moment i read "g!p" and "*any ive member(s)*" i just come running 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

sdjhcnxskcd the super hot co-captains of the softball team yujin and wonyoung making eyes at you while you talked to one of their teammates who happened to be your friend 👀 yujin was literally shamelessly staring at your ass, and wonyoung was desperately trying to look away from your tits but she couldn't :(( salivating while watching you retreat to the benches next to some substitute players and the team coach.. and them sharing a look right after, immediately knowing what the other was thinking bcs they share the same horny braincell 🙄🙄

the team getting a bit of an extended break time bcs the coach had to take a phone call,, yujin having an alleged big brain moment when she intentionally nudged a ball past where you were sitting,,, her asking you if you could get the ball for her... and since you were the team's lovely and polite visitor, you left your seat to fetch the ball which conveniently stopped right next to the bleachers!!! turning around to find yujin super close to you,, who knew the captain was so pretty?? your friend should have told you about her...

"thanks... i need another favour though." yujin glances over her shoulder and beckoned wonyoung, who had been watching from afar, over... the other captain was sexy too???? you felt so betrayed!! unfortunately, however, you didn't have time to ogle at the co-captains because yujin was suddenly tugging you under the bleachers and once the two of you were hidden,,, she was kissing you,, and you couldn't even pull away or do anything at all bcs wonyoung had come up behind you, trapping you in between her and yujin and kissing your neck,,,

hands were all over you,, one pair fondling your tits underneath your sweater and the other pair massaging your inner thighs,, it was wonyoung's hands that snuck their way inside your panties,, she used one hand to pull your panties off and used the other to immediately feel your wet folds :(( "w-wha... what are you— mmph... sto— everybody's right there.. a-ah..." it felt really good but you knew the three of you shouldn't be doing this kind of thing in such a place 😟 but the captains didn't care... they could fuck you in the middle of the field if they wanted! this was practically their turf—whatever they want, they're gonna have it 🫢🫢

omgomg both of them taking their pants off and you got so nervous bcs they were so big, there was no way you could keep yourself quiet, right???? yujin flipping you around so you were facing wonyoung's pretty face sjdhfkskc claiming that she wants your ass 😭 wonyoung could do either,, as long as she gets to cum inside you, it doesn't matter while hole she'll use 😚 you feeling so scared of being caught that you try to resist them at first :((( pushing wonyoung back when she tries to kiss you, moving away from yujin when she grabs your waist... but in the end you gave in.. hands all over wonyoung's soft hair while she kissed you, letting yujin rub your folds and pinch your nipples :((

"you're so wet... this should be easy, right, wony?"

"mhm."

wonyoung raises one leg of yours up to her waist, and suddenly she was inside you.. "ahh.. fuck, so warm and tight..." she was moaning, thrusting into you slowly,,, yujin didn't waste any more time and slammed her cock inside your ass 😩😩 she was faster and went deeper than wony,, it was overwhelming,,, you felt them both everywhere,, you were getting careless with the sounds you made so yujin puts her hand over your mouth tightly,, "go on, baby. be as loud as you want now." and ugh how they loved hearing your muffled moans...

both of them groaning in your ear,, muttering profanities while they fucked into you ruthlessly,, you don't know how you're gonna walk after this but you didn't want to think about that right now :((( sjdbekfd them getting so lost in pleasure that they just start using you like a fleshlight omg.. disregarding your comfort bcs you just felt so good around their cock that they kind of forget that you are, in fact, there :(( but wonyoung comes back to the ground and,,, SHE CAN'T STOP KISSING YOU 🥺🥺🥺 becoming a baby and just whining and releases high pitched moans bcs your cunt just swallows her cock in so easily :(((

"gonna come inside you.. want my cum in your pussy... mmhm... b-baby...!" SHE'S SO CUTE 😩

n then there's yujin who might be fucking possessed by a sex demon or something bcs she was relentless 🫢 she keeps swearing in your ear, nails digging into your hips, teeth biting onto your shoulder while pounding your ass.. absolutely obsessed with how you're taking both of them in despite how uncomfortable you felt what with your position and the ethics of it all... "e-every nerd is just a slut in secret, huh? fuck.." and she slaps your ass and thrusts impossibly faster???

you burying your head on wonyoung's shoulder as you came,, squirting all over and making a mess on your legs but the captains keep fucking you :((( now it was even worse bcs you were sensitive,,, shdbefjf both of them coming inside you,, so much of their load filling you up everywhere :((( it almost felt relaxing just feeling their seed seep inside you.. settling right on your womb and warming you up...

and when i say that they force you to jerk them off at the same time in the showers right after practice.. 🤤🤤🤤🤤

#🍒 anon #ive smut #ive x fem reader #ive imagines #ive x reader #ahn yujin x fem reader #ahn yujin smut #ahn yujin imagines #ahn yujin x reader #yujin smut #jang wonyoung smut #jang wonyoung imagines #jang wonyoung x reader #wonyoung imagines #wonyoung x reader #wonyoung smut #girl group x reader #girl group smut #girl group imagines

541 notes · View notes

woozten-x · 4 months

Text

#. 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐫 | 𝐉𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐚

[ ; m.list including other darl+ings! ]

─ Synopsis: Running away from your problems of being the child of a king, you end up stargazing with the God of War.

Underneath the stars, you found beauty within the deity however.

─ Pairing: Deity (God of War)!Joshua Hong x Royal!Gender-Neutral Reader

─ Genre: Fluff/Wholesome, Angst w. Comfort

─ Concepts: joshua is THE god of war!!, joshua lowk condescending and just kinda a smartass (i promise he's nice), reader is lowk whipped, stargazing concept!, conveyance of joshua's violent past, joshua is the angsty one not reader lol, reader comforting joshua<3

─ Count of Words: 1.9k

─ Inspiration of the work: Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun (Manga) + Running Through The Night by Seori + meme of "You're Staring" "You're Beautiful"

❒ a/n: ok so like i had this au in my drafts for SO long...But, the main story including this au with Joshua is taking forever and ive been incredibly lazy to write it LOL. so, ill be introducing this au of Joshua with a drabble / one-shot ! this gives some introduction of how he is like and what to expect of him during this au

other members will be having a fantasy au / based on mythical creatures? type of au. so, there will be other members of svt being a deity or some mythical creature! they will have their own story also.

Fingers tap lightly against the wet surface, the grass cold against his fingertips and soil moist just underneath his nails. Thoughts raced through his head, his head tilted upwards to face the cloudy sky of the night; the moon and stars shrouded by the dark clouds, as both celestial spared no light from where he sat. The breeze carries through, the wind gently caressing his pale skin and stray strands of black hair is ruffled by the night’s wind.

His eyes fluttered close, a sigh leaving past his lips; a calm rise of his chest then a slow release of his breath, feeling relaxed. It was a quiet night, one where he could sleep easily for the night; or so he thought. Unfortunately for the God of War, he hears approaching footsteps from the distance and his eyes flutter open.

“Joshua, you are here!”

Annoyance expresses from his features, a visible frown appearing on his pink lips upon hearing your voice. Just when he was getting comfortable, you simply had to ruin it for the deity. You approach him, steps heavy along the steep path - “Ah...I didn’t think this would be so steep.” You complain, a huff leaving past your lips as you work your way towards him.

He watches from his spot, only watching how you slowly climb up the hill with a slight struggle. “Maybe you should work out more.” Joshua remarks, his words holding a dryness to them, but spiked with a drip of sarcasm. You loudly scoff, “I'd rather be stuck with one of my father’s lectures about royalty and expectations of being the next leader of the kingdom than physically work my ass off!”

Joshua tilts his head, leaning back on his hands and his legs extended out crossed over one another - “Ah, right. You humans with royal blood tend to be lazy…”

Once you reached him, you let out a sigh of relief before plopping down next to him. Joshua recoils slightly, seeming to adjust his position from where he sat and establish distance between your bodies; you noticed this, but you did not say anything. As you’ve learned, the deity was not fond of physical touch; whether it be accidental or intentional.

You glance at him, observing the way he sits a bit more upright; his body not poised, as before. “I assure you, royals are not lazy. Everyone is just always doing it for us, that’s why.” You say with a shrug, trying to save some bits of pride for being part of a royal family; although, you never wanted to become a royal, you still have a pride to protect!

“Cowards.” Joshua plainly states, a small smirk playing at his lips; oh, a given that he is trying to press one of your buttons. You roll your eyes, “For a God, you really are so mean!” You huff, deciding to act childish in hopes of changing the topic. Despite your childish complaint, Joshua hums in reply, glancing up at the sky once more. The night sky remains dark, empty of stars and only a void of complete darkness.

A silence overtakes the two of you, one that is heavy and you are sometimes unsure on how to speak to him. After all, he is a God, an infamous one at that; though his own reputation never scared you away, it only drew you closer to him like a reckless fool attracted to any signs of danger.

“Why are you here?” Joshua asks suddenly, showing hints of curiosity breaking through the aloof nature he had. You shrugged, “I have no idea.” You said, a lie leaving your lips; you do know why you are here. You have snuck away from the kingdom itself for a reason, and it was apparent to Joshua. His purple gaze had a slight glow, possibly from amusement, at your lie.

Joshua lets out a low hum, “You know how dangerous it is at night.”

Although his words seemed caring, it had no intention of sounding gentle or showing concern for your well-being; it was completely lacking any regards to your personal safety. You sigh, a heavy one that made your shoulders rise then fall - “I just couldn’t sleep that’s all.” You say, a half truth this time. Joshua looks towards you, “Being out here in the cold will help you sleep instead?” He questions, eyeing at you with skepticism.

Maybe as a God of War, he holds a strong sense of nosiness.

Rolling your eyes, you fall back on the soft grass, your back resting against the cold yet soft greenery. You place an arm over your eyes whilst Joshua watches your reaction carefully. With a momentary pause, you finally answered - “I wanted to get away from the kingdom.”

Joshua looks at you, his eyes softening and he slowly turns his head away - “I understand. I think.” He says, a tenderness replacing the tone he held before when you first arrived. “Was today not a good day?” He asks once more, glancing at the sky. Oddly enough, the clouds are beginning to drift apart, revealing the moon that hid behind it.

“It was not good nor was it bad. But, maybe I just felt overwhelmed.” You admit, removing your arm from your eyes. Beyond you, the stars hidden away were revealed and you sit up to point at the star littered sky - “The night is bright, after all!” You exclaim with a grin, a finger pointing towards the stars displayed. Joshua rolls his eyes, already staring at the stars.

“They are just stars.” Joshua said, detached from the sight he has been accustomed to for centuries. Nothing changes within the sky, but his gaze did not fall away; he was captivated and maybe those clouds had drifted him along, away from reality itself. You chuckle at his reply, looking at him to see his expression; as you’ve learned, Joshua is someone who expresses when he thinks no one is looking.

For a moment, the mask melts away and a longing expresses from his round eyes. His amethyst-like gaze only became dull, as those the jewelry embedded had lost its richness; the firm press of his lips, showing how deep in thought he was. Rarely you ever see this side of him, but when you do - an ache resonates in your heart, as he holds a burden of loneliness upon his shoulders.

After knowing Joshua, you learned that it was lonely being a God.

Joshua notices your staring, looking towards you with furrowed brows of confusion. The vulnerability is long gone, as he scowls - “What is it?”

You watched how his eyes hardened, his violet eyes holding a coldness that is always used to push you away. You smile at him, however.

“You are beautiful.”

Confusion expresses from his beautiful face again, but slowly dissipates into embarrassment. Joshua lets out a small laugh of disbelief, his head turning away to avoid looking at you directly; a hint of pink dusting his cheeks. “What are you talking about?” Joshua asks, his voice low…No, small like a mouse. It was endearing to see him so flustered, but you meant it.

“Way more beautiful than the stars above,” You add with a chuckle. You look away, giving him time to compose himself; you glance up at the stars again, sitting back on your hands with a stupid smile on your face. Joshua tenses slightly at your words, your words seeming to clear the haze in his mind; the usual haze he found comfort in, suddenly diminishing and bringing a realization that made his stomach churn.

He is unsure whether to feel disgusted by your words…Or accept it.

But, how could someone like him hold a beauty for anyone to admire?

“You always speak of nonsense.” Joshua says barely above a whisper, glancing down at his hands on his lap. The same hands that hold evidence of the violence he possesses deep within, he is not created to be admired or loved.

You shake your head, looking at him and ready to give your reply; but, you stopped. Anger…No, resentment flares within his eyes, creating an intense glow of violet. You’ve always seen the deity holding a look of arrogance or sometimes joy, but you have never seen this expression. Not even once.

To you, he looked like he was burning; flames of hatred burning him alive at that very moment, and he looked much brighter than the stars above. But, you realized those flames weren’t directed to your words - it was the flames that Joshua always held as the God of War, a showcase of a war that never ended for him.

Joshua, the God of War, hates himself.

Slowly, you reach out towards him, placing a hand on one of his hands. Underneath your touch, he shook and he looked towards you; looking frightened, as though he feared that with one touch you would burn away. But, you did not withdraw, instead you sat still with your hand over his. Your fingers curl around his, grasping onto him with a gentle squeeze surrounding them.

A gentleness that surprised him, one that made his own body tremble slightly; a swirl of emotions whirring inside, his own heart twisting painfully - seeming to punish him for the way things had turned out. Joshua wasn’t supposed to reveal this side to you, he is a God, he needs no pity from a human like you.

“Why?” He sputters out amongst his emotional turmoil, sounding hurt and…Heartbroken. The very question only made you squeeze his hand tighter, realizing the shatter of his own heart; the feared God with a reputation of being the source of chaos - was revealed to be a lonesome God, who was ruined by what he was.

Unexpectedly, tears stream down Joshua’s face, the warmth contrasting his cold skin and falling onto your hand as droplets of his own sorrow. Instantly, you raise your hand to place upon his cheek, your thumb wiping away his tears. Surprised, Joshua moves away from your touch and wipes them away with the back of his hand; he hasn’t cried for centuries, why now? He needed to get away.

Although, his mind tells him to, his own heart desperately craved the tenderness you gave him. The way you looked at him with concern, a look that seems to convey how much you cared for him; he didn’t understand.

Quietly, you watch how he takes shaky breaths, the tears continuing to fall from his delicate eyes - no matter how many times he wipes them away. Leaning forward, you wrap your arms around him, the warmth of your embrace only making him freeze. You held onto him tightly, fingers grasping onto the coat he wore, your head buried in the crook of his neck to hopefully take away his sadness.

His pain.

His hatred.

Gradually, his body relaxes into your touch, a hesitant hand rising to place on the back of your neck. The same hands that handled many things roughly, held a gentleness that contrasts the reputation he held as a God; his fingers warm against your skin, fingertips caressing the back of your neck.

Underneath the stars, Joshua holds onto you, welcoming you into his own embrace.

“Thank you.” Joshua whispers, his arms wrapping around you to alleviate the emotions embedded inside him. After so many centuries, he finally recalled the familiarity of acceptance from you.

For once, this type of warmth felt right.

150 notes · View notes

catscidr · 2 months

Note

Could we get some Dottore x escaped experiment reader? Gn if possible, doesn't even have to be smut. I just can't find anything along those lines and I like your writing style :)

i. note — hehehoho i might have uuuhhh used this ask as an excuse to go off a lil and try something new teehee °ᗜ°) but this was really fun to write!! thank you nonnie for the suggestion, and thank you very much for liking my stuff enough to req something!!! i hope u all enjoy ii. includes — dottore, gn!reader iii. cw — unhealthy and toxic dynamics, no dialogue, mentions of cannibalism, mild body horror, one (1) dead body, not quite stockholm syndrome but maybe kinda, reader is a mess and dottore is not a good person (shocker). minors do not interact, age in bio or block. iv. wc — 2k -> posted on ao3 too!

To humans, running is what they do when they’re late to work, when they’re working out, or even when they’re playing games at recess as children. To predators, running is what they do in order to secure their next meal. To prey, running is what they must do so they can escape from the predator’s clutch in one piece, to not end up as a mangled corpse serving as someone or something’s food.

You have more in common with prey than you have with humans, despite being one yourself.

It hasn’t always been that way. One moment you were enjoying the warm afternoon sun of your home region out on a walk, and the other you found yourself thrown over someone’s shoulder with a bag over your head.

You always find yourself reminiscing, yearning to feel the warmth you felt that day— minus the incident. You used to be a model citizen; someone people would rely on.

A shame no one helped you when you desperately needed it.

Your own mind is all you’re left with, as you’re clumsily tripping over your feet, rocks scraping your skin and blood trickling down your legs. The feeling is almost peaceful; but after running for so long, and with how often you’ve gotten yourself in this exact situation, you’re starting to second guess your motive for running in the first place.

Is it a form of entertainment, are you growing bored of the four padded walls engulfing your five senses at all hours of the day that you feel the need to get the energy out of your body like a hamster does by using the wheel in its cage? Is it to leave the predicament you found yourself in after trusting someone you, under no circumstances, should have trusted?

Or is it because you gradually have come to find yourself sharing more similarities to a dog, begging its owner to even unenthusiastically throw a plastic frisbee for a smidge of attention to fulfill your need to be seen, to be heard, and now you feel the responsibility to own up to that label you inflicted upon yourself?

The lines between reality and your thoughts have blurred so much it frightens you.

...Or, rather, it should scare you. After spending so much time in your own head, one would find that it’s surprisingly easy to come to distrust your own mind. You’re not sure if you should believe what goes through your head, even less believe what you feel. But at the same time, you’re all you have. You have no choice but to trust yourself, even when you shouldn’t.

Only a select few are aware of how dreadfully strong and outright stubborn the human mind can be, whether it be from their own personal experience or from seeing others slip into a state like yours.

Unfortunately for you, He’s familiar with your situation. Painfully familiar.

…

Sometimes you wish you were a luna moth. Delicate and radiant, people would be torn between praising you for your beauty and shunning you away for the crime of looking different than what they’re used to. You wouldn’t be a butterfly, would not conform to what society wants you to be. You would be able to be who you want, look however you want to without worrying over other’s opinions.

The people that did like you, though, would treat you with care and would do everything in their power to make your stay in this world a pleasant one. A stay that would only last a week.

Not long enough for you to become familiar with the horrors that await humanity. Seven days filled with nothing but genuine smiles, void of empty promises.

You’d crawl out of your cocoon, eat good food, find someone to help continue your bloodline, then die somewhere peaceful and hope that your crumbling, decomposing body will bring relief to someone desperately needing something to eat.

But you’re not a moth.

…

It’s unbearably cold when you come to your senses. Peeling your eyes open, you glance around to find yourself surrounded by cold limestone, barely illuminated by the cave’s entrance just a few feet away. The hairs on your skin rise from the wind guiding snow through the passageway, making you curl into yourself in a pathetic attempt to keep your body’s temperature from dropping too low.

You look down at yourself; your pants are ripped at the hem, and you see messy splotches of brownish red staining the fabric and your skin, going all the way down to your calloused feet. You’re not sure how long you’ve been out for, but it must have been at least an hour given how the bleeding from the numerous scratches and gashes on your legs stopped without any assistance.

The cave felt completely foreign to you, but even then, it brought you more comfort than He had. Or at least you think it does.

You feel free. Despite the way your body shivered endlessly from the wind howling into the cavern, despite the dull but searing pain that made it feel like your feet were scorching that traveled up your legs, despite the way you couldn’t move your lips from how dry and cracked they were, split from sheer cold.

You think this is the most freedom you’ve felt since you’ve gotten yourself stuck in His maw.

...

The wind is reduced to a soft, soothing melody when you wake up again. Almost calming enough for you to drift off to sleep a second time, but a nagging feeling in the depths of your gut told you that it was a bad idea to fall unconscious this time around, so you try to shake off the numbness in your limbs instead of succumbing to the call of the void.

Standing up proves to be a challenge as your legs buckle under your weight. You catch yourself before you fall, holding onto the rough formation of a rogue stalagmite; it’s a struggle to hold yourself up, but at the very least you didn’t give yourself a concussion.

The pain isn’t completely unwelcome, though. Your feet are throbbing, and the palm of your hand holding yourself up with the help of the stalagmite stings. As you blink the drowsiness away and the blood begins to flow through your limbs correctly again, you straighten your back to take in your surroundings properly.

The cave’s entrance was filled with thick snow. There was enough that it would reach your stomach should you walk up to it, ignoring the snow that fell into the grotto, and not the snow that partly obscured your way to the outside world. You can’t see much outside, only the faint outline of pine trees wavering in the distance, far enough that you can only barely make out their form.

Looking away from the blinding whites outside, you notice how utterly desolate the cavern is. Not even a single trace of a life was left behind in this cold, worn hollow. Maybe it’s better this way. You’re not sure you would have appreciated seeing even a wild hare or a fox in here, much less a bear.

Sitting down on the rocky ground again to give your legs a break, you take a moment to think back to what got you here in the first place.

You faintly recall rusty medical equipment, convulsing organs, and seeing Him jot down notes. You remember a plate being handed to you, the vague image of a man covered by a stained sheet of what used to be white, and the bile that rose to your throat when your gaze focused on what was on the plate itself.

Everyone knew the Doctor was a twisted man, but you doubted He was twisted enough to force someone to cannibalize one of their peers.

Clearly, you were wrong.

Then, you remember making a mad dash for the thick iron doors of his laboratory. By the grace of god, you were able to leave; and you now found yourself in this desolate cavern, tucked away from civilization.

As far as you were aware of.

But you shouldn’t trust your mind. You knew this, yet you also knew not to trust yourself when you told yourself you couldn’t trust yourself. Simultaneously believing in logic and being a mess of paradoxical jargon— it exhausted you to think about. So you try not to.

Whether by a stroke of bad luck or because of something else entirely, your dull sense of hearing picks up the faint sound of snow crunching beneath boots. Your hands and legs scramble to take you where you can hide as much of yourself as you can behind a rock formation, and you stare out of the cave’s entrance, holding your breath.

The sound becomes louder. An almost gentle woosh noise accompanies the scrunch of snow, and soon after it stops, you’re able to make out a blurry figure approaching the cave’s entrance. The icy flakes make way for Him at His command, hand waving to get rid of what was keeping you physically separated from Him.

The pure white snow behind His body glinted off his intricate accessories, the light forming a halo so otherworldly that it left you utterly breathless.

His boots make a soft clicking noise against the limestone as He steps into the grotto, your safe haven for however long you had been here— now not. Not a single word left His lips as he assessed your rugged appearance.

You wish He would smite you right then and there. He was most likely able to, and with ease, but you doubt He would willingly discard one of his longest-running experiments for disobeying a rule that you had broken many times before anyways.

Your jittery gaze follows His movements as He outstretches His arm, offering you a gloved hand, silent.

Did he know how much you simultaneously trusted and distrusted your own judgement? You stare at His hand, unmoving, heart racing against your ribcage— torn between bolting away, into the darkness of the cave, or intertwining your fingers with His, allowing Him to take you away voluntarily.

This was mercy either way. You could either die at the hands of whatever lurked in the shadows of the grotto, or you could die at the hands of the man that brought you so much pain it morphed into comfort, solace. He stood, unmoving. Observing you.

You knew Him well enough to know that He was taking mental notes on your behavior even now, outside of the familiar comfort of his lab in Haeresys.

Both options were foolish, but you weren’t exactly known to be in the sanest state of mind.

Pulling your arms away from your body, you bring a shaky hand up to take ahold of His, allowing Him to pull you up to your feet. You almost fall as a result of your nerves, but thanks to His quick reflexes you find yourself tucked in his arms, cheek pressed up against His navy cravat. The hand that wasn’t holding yours comes up to pat your head, gently untangling the knots that had formed in your hair. You melt into His touch, eyes fluttering shut to bask in the warmth He provided.

As you stand there with Him, knees weak, body upheld by His will alone, you shove down the thoughts that brew in the forefront of your mind. Usually you would welcome the noise, even be grateful that you, at the very least, had yourself to lean on. But you find yourself wishing to lean on Him more than yourself, both literally and metaphorically, keening at the comfort He brought you.

You knew you couldn’t trust your mind, so why not trust His instead? If you couldn’t rely on your own instincts, judgement or thoughts, then how bad would it truly be to let someone other than you become fully responsible for your wellbeing?

...

You were neither a moth nor human.

You were a dog.

56 notes · View notes

chrollohearttags · 1 year

Text

anxiety | e. jaeger x black fem reader

“…I just want to talk to somebody that gets me..”

synopsis: a patient suffering from a rare illness finds solace in an unlikely companion, resulting in a friendship and maybe even more.

cw: heavy angst, eren is a nursing student, (he’s a bit of a smartass too, as well as has his own sickness) chronically ill patient reader, (has both mental/physical illnesses), mentions of BPD, anxiety, etc, reader being kind of mean, mentions of self harm, comfort, kissing, hand holding, light mentions of sex and virginity, playful banter between reader and eren

📝: yes, this is kinda based off of Megan’s song, yes, I am okay, I promise. I just wanted to test myself again and since this was like one of my favorite AU’s on WattPad, I wanted to revisit it. (with a bit of a twist this time)

room 403: the very last one to sit at the end of the sixth floor hallway..the desolate, isolated area housed behind the off white walls of Southern Memorial Hospital. Where quality and compassion came first. Where patients were handled with the utmost care. And where (y/n) (l/n) had spent the better part of four months, confined to a bed and clinging to hope that you’d someday get out. However, fate was a cruel bitch that found enjoyment laughing in your face..unfortunately, this wasn’t your first stint as a resident here. In fact, you had been in and out of for a couple years now. Constantly coming back due to some new mystery symptom of your long running sickness. Some strange autoimmune disorder that kept you planted to this hard mattress and prevented you from knowing true happiness. It was a damn shame really..here you were spending the supposed best years of your young life chained to this hellish place. While peers were out attending concerts, going to college, working and even delving into dating for the first time, you were forced to listen to the sounds of beeping machinery and buzzing equipment. The closest you’d get to a cocktail was the disgusting combo of medications administered through your IV every night. You hated it! Hated all of it…this hospital, this illness…your body and all of the people here. Speaking to you as if you were a fucking child with no common sense. Showing pity and giving praise where it wasn’t deserved..you just wanted to haul off and punch one of those condescending bitches. However, there was one person in this godforsaken place that did make it a bit more tolerable..

“You better not be asleep. I just got here.” Yes, the one annoying voice in this entire hospital that you could stand. You could hear it outside the door of your secluded space. A single curtain shielding you from view as they entered. As always, you were perched upright against your pillows, glaring out of the window to a life you only wished you’d known..by now, it was getting pretty late and the once bright sunny skies had dimmed to a purple darkness with stars beginning to litter the view. “Then just leave. I’m tired.” Just then, the cloth partition would pull back and you’d be met with a very familiar face. Those sharp green eyes staring directly at and through you like always, long brown hair tied into a bun of some sort and those signature blue scrubs from the city’s premier nursing program. On the name badge? One you’d never forget for as long as you lived. “What do you want, Eren? Don’t you have a job to do? I’m pretty sure annoying me is not a part of the description.” Dismissing the brunette without so much as a full glance in his direction. Oh, but he saw right through you. Peered through to your soul like looking through a this sheet of glass…it pissed you off so badly! “For it to be a job, they’d have to pay me. Credit hours don’t pay my bills so I’ll do as I please until then. Besides, they love me too much to get rid of me. And you do too, so hush.” Anyone else would’ve been off put by your rather crass personality but him? He thoroughly enjoyed it and instead, took a seat at the foot of your bed, plopping down with a bag in hand. Bopping your nose with his fingertip.

“But since you’re being a brat, I guess I’ll eat these cupcakes by myself then.” it was the only thing that grabbed your attention as he knew you had an affinity for all things sweets. One of the very rare things you’d consume that didn’t make you feel sick to your stomach. Bitter hospital food tended to linger on your tongue for a while so it was nice to have something that cleansed the palette. Shifting in your seat, arms barred against your chest, (y/n) gave a side eye before tugging the bag. “You’re a type one diabetic, don’t be stupid.” retorting before retrieving one of the treats from the bag and tossing it back. “And you’re nosy.” Maybe it was part of the reason why you guys got along so well. As someone who suffered from a lifelong disease himself, he knew your pain all too well. That and he was a complete, total jackass. Without changing word, he’d grab the other and the the two of you would indulge in the delicacies as you spoke about your day. He told you about how he had an upcoming exam..one that would get him one step closer to the infamous N-CLEX. it brought back memories..as you had once pursued the degree yourself before falling too sick to even sit up in a classroom. But that bountiful knowledge bank of a brain never quite rid of that information. So I’m exchange for snacks and company, you pass on some of it to him, along with tips to ace those difficult tests. “So you think you can pass it?” questioning through a semi stuffed mouth; a hand covering it to prevent crumbs from spilling out. To which he’d nod his head, wiping away small remnants of frosting around his lips. “God, I hope so. My pops will never let me hear the end of it if I don’t. Hell, he might put me out, knowing him.” You wanted to laugh but you knew he wasn’t exaggerating. Eren had big shoes to fill, considering that he was not only a lovable goofball but the son of a prominent physician, Dr. Jaeger. Who oversaw the sister hospital to this one and because of that, his two kids got no break from him. Having been preceded by his older brother, who already was working towards his doctorates, he had no other choice but to be a success as well. You knew he studied hard, which is why you rooted for him secretly. “Don’t sweat too much. You’ll be fine, I promise.” the words sounded well enough but only time would tell if he could. But if they were from your own admission, he felt much better about it.

as for you on the other hand, another important test was fast approaching. One that was impending your entire future and he was aware of what it could mean.. “..what about you?” the simple question, loaded with complex emotions and feelings. Ones smeared all across his face because truthfully, he was as terrified as you were. “What about me? I’m fine..” You had confided in Eren about your condition..how it had worsened and what the doctors said. At first, it could’ve been attributed to poor mental health, as he and everyone else were privy to your past struggles. Aware of the scars plaguing your arms; now concealed by bandages and your flippant behavior that followed. You’d constantly tell your care team that something felt off and they never believed you. They all but dismissed you and told you it was all in your head. That was until you collapsed one day outside of the student center while walking to class and nearly hit your head. Luckily, someone was there to help and it was none other than this doofus. The one friend you had in this fickle world. Needless to say, he had been following your medical mystery as closely as you were..hoping for a better outcome. As it stood, you’d be all but bedridden in the next six months if things didn’t change. So tomorrow, you’d be undergoing a biopsy to determine what was causing it and have the results back in a few days. Was it cancer? Was it something else?..time would only tell but you were growing far more anxious by the minute; even if you used anger to mask it. “You’re as terrible of a liar as you are beautiful, (y/n). Look, it’s fine to be scared. Hell, I’m scared for you but don’t let this beat you, alright? They’ll figure out what’s wrong, kick its ass and have you out of here.” His words sounded hopeful, full of encouragement but you couldn’t be vexed to buy them right now. Your life was dangling in the balance. Hanging by a minute thread… “..and you’re as optimistic as you are stupid. Truth is, I’m dying..” the statements sending shockwaves throughout his body. The possibility of losing you chilled him to his core. “Don’t say shit like that—“ “it’s true, alright? I’ll never see the outside of this damn room ever again. I’ll never graduate college, go on a date, have my first kiss or even have sex for the first time..I’m gonna die here and there’s nothing I can do about it..” in that moment, tears began to trickle down your face and your voice cracked. Something about saying it all aloud made it all real. Twisting your head away, you’d try to conceal that crying but he knew better. It took everything in his own power not to become emotional.

suddenly, you’d feel a hand placed atop your own and your head twisted until your lips were locked with his. He knew it was wrong..knew that if for any reason, someone were to walk through those doors, he’d be kicked out with no exceptions. But the thought of seeing you upset made him act on instinct. That and the fact he’d waited for so long to do that..but you didn’t break it! Rather, you’d deepen the peck; pressing your plump lips further into his own and intertwining his pale fingers with your dark hued digits. It lasted for what felt like minutes but when you both pulled away… “I’m sorry…I just..” “..don’t be.”

it was exactly what you needed. Something to ease the pain that medicine couldn’t solve..for now, he’d keep holding you close and letting you sob into his shoulder blade. He knew it couldn’t have been easy but he’d do everything in his power to try and absolve your hurt, even if it meant letting you use him as a punching bag. His large arms cradled around you for the utmost comfort and you’d never felt better than in that moment. “I’m scared, Eren. I’m really fucking scared…I’m too young to be going through this. I want to live..” having to keep his own head tilted up to avoid letting tears fall; swallowing the hard lump in his throat as to not get choked up. He wished that he could trade places, make it all go away. Maybe if he were smarter, he could cure it for you..but sadly, the best he could do right now was this very thing. And it was enough for you..“I know..but it’ll be okay. It has to be.” Because truth be told, you couldn’t leave him just yet. He couldn’t let you depart from his life..

not until he was able to say.. ‘I love you.’

366 notes · View notes

jongseongsnudes · 4 months

Note

are you ok??? im kinda worried :( you dont have to answer if you dont want to but i hope you are doing well !!!!

aww you're so sweet. i'm doing okay!

actually not how i wanted to come back after my break but after some thought ive decided that i won't be writing anymore. sad but i feel like ive been here long enough and its time to go haha.

anyway i wish you all the best for the future and unfortunately i was just kidding lmao as if i'll stop writing when i got all these jake smut drafts lmao anyway im finishing off step bro hoon, fuck buddy hee and a new jake smut right now lmao so, all coming soon.

thanks for all the concerned messages in my inbox while i was away btw, i am okay and appreciate it a lot! 💖

love you bye 😊

#ask jongseongsnudes #👋

54 notes · View notes

daydreamingleclerc · 2 years

Text

do you think about me at night? - lewis hamilton

based loosely (or quite a lot on second thought) on conversations with friends.

summary: you’ve loved lewis ever since the moment you laid eyes on him, despite the age gap and the fact that he’s engaged, and as much as you both know what you’re about to do is completely and utterly wrong, you do it anyway and all your cards are laid bare in the process.

warnings: this includes cheating from both lewis and his fiancee, and Y/N, unfortunately looks like a bit of a homewrecker. Y/N IS ALSO SIGNIFICANTLY YOUNGER THAN LEWIS (!!!!), lewis is the age he is now (37), Y/N is about 23. smut, weed smoking, alcohol consumption, bisexual!reader, this is literally one of the longest pieces ive ever written, theres a lot of backstory and smut towards the end. oral (f rec), fingering, protected sex, pet names (think lewis says good girl like once), praise kink, very brief mention of choking (blink and you miss it kinda mention), i think that’s it. in true emi fashion, this isn’t very good and it’s not been proofread - but let me know what you think!

pairing: lewis hamilton x fem reader

requested: no

notes: requests are open, see who i write for here and my masterlist here. this is my first lewis smut so it’s not 100% in the swing of it all yet, but i hope you enjoy!

“ready?”

georgie peered in, a raised eyebrow as they wandered through your bedroom. their eyes scanned your outfit and for a minute, you thought they hated it until their lips curled up into a smile. they approved, which was something you were relieved about.

“you look nice,” they smiled, fingers dancing along the bottom of the dress and feeling the thin silk, “it’s pretty.”

“nice?” you asked, raising an eyebrow, “i at least want to look good, that’s better than nice.”

georgie frowned, and kicked your shin with the tip of their foot. you weren’t even going to go to this goddamned party, in fact, you were completely and utterly against it. you saw how kiara treated lewis, and it made you angry, like all the heat in your body was causing you to levitate off the ground somewhere.

“you do look good,” georgie laughed softly, “but it’s got nothing to do with lewis, no?”

they raised their eyebrows and you shrugged. “does it matter if it is?” you replied, picking at the skin around your fingers. georgie was right, it was everything to do with lewis, but you were also right, it didn’t matter because he was engaged.

“i think you should just go for it,” they shrugged, “we all know kiara isn’t happy, either.”

you rolled your eyes, applying the last of your lipgloss in the mirror and almost toppling over the pile of clothes in the first place, “yeah, we only know she’s not happy in that relationship because she told you when her tongue was halfway down your throat.”

“well, technically she told me after that,” georgie shrugged, tank top blowing in the wind coming from your open window, “kinda difficult to tell someone how you feel about your imploding engagement when you’ve got their tongue down your throat,” they smirked, “you should know that, Y/N, especially after all the times we used to make out.”

“fuck off,” you groaned, dropping the gloss in your bag and turning to face them with rosy cheeks, “are we going or not?”

georgie got up off of your bed, sliding their phone down into the pocket of their denim shorts. they looked effortlessly good, as per usual, with denim shorts and a blue tank top, both of which eccentuated the long limbs of their legs and arms in a way that would never look right on you. you wore your matching shoes, and it always made you giggle when you did that.

the taxi ride to lewis and kiara’s was quiet, gentle small talk between the two of you while georgie told you about the people kiara had invited. you were hardly listening to them, gazing out of the taxi window almost regretting your decision to come tonight.

kiara spotted you both almost instantly, and on second thought, you questioned the baby blue silk dress you’d slipped into. it was noticable, and that wasn’t what you wanted to be tonight. you handed kiara the small bottle bag in your hand, “happy birthday,” you felt stupidly inferior as you handed it to her with your chipped green nail polish, noticing her dark red gel polish that hadn’t chipped a single bit. “it’s not much but its something from us both.”

you knew you weren’t inferior. if lewis was yours you would never even dream of being so stupid.

“it is?” georgie asked, raising their eyebrows. you laughed gently.

“mhm, you owe me twelve pound seventy five.”

“of course i do,” they nodded, “drink?”

georgie went off, mingling with kiara’s friends and meeting new people you’d only feared they’d introduce you to. lewis’ friends were in a completely seperate part of the house entirely, and when you scanned for him amongst the crowd, he was nowhere to be seen.

an hour or so passed, and you’d been dragged into a conversation between georgie and a few of kiara’s friends surrounding freud. it was boring you, as much as you hated to admit it. you didn’t come to the party to discuss the psychoanalysis of boys and their mothers, you came for one reason and that reason was nowhere to be seen.

you tapped georgie’s shoulder and signalled to the bathroom, but they furrowed their eyebrows, “you okay?”

“yeah, am i not allowed to go to the bathroom?”

georgie nodded, their smile soft as you wandered off through the house. kiara’s eyebrows knotted when you took a right turn to the stairs after clocking the line for the main toilet in the hallway, but you pretended that you didn’t notice.

you’d been to the house enough times to know that the door furthest from the staircase on the left was not the bathroom, but something drew you to it anyway. the door swung open, and inside you found lewis sitting by the window on an armchair, a puff of smoke surrounding his head.

the smell of weed wasn’t as strong as you anticipated, mixing with the smell of the BBQ from downstairs, and the smell of alcohol and fresh bedsheets. it was a surprisingly nice concoction.

“Y/N,” lewis smiled softly, “i didn’t expect you here so early.”

“well, georgie wanted to put old men in their place about psychoanalysis, so,” you straightened out your dress, “here i am.”

“of course they did,” lewis chuckled, “but, are you saying i’m old?” he stood up, and immediately your cheeks flushed a light shade of crimson and your mouth went dry as if you’d forgotten to speak, “i’m kidding.”

you let out a hot puff of air and lewis walked closer, “i was trying to find the toilet but i, uh-”

“-we both know you know this isn’t the bathroom, Y/N,” he said. he was inches away from you now, standing so close you could smell his expensive aftershave, and it almost made you melt, “you’re blushing.”

“you’re drunk,” you noted, and took the cigarette from his fingers to take a drag, “and high.”

“you’re blushing,” he repeated, taking the cigarette from your fingers, taking a drag and stamping it out, “over me?”

“it’s hot out in case you hadn’t noticed,” you hummed, blowing your puff of smoke out in short bursts. lewis was impressed. he watched as you blew out the rest of the smoke, and then he followed, bringing his beer bottle up to his lips. you watched as he drank it, eyes never leaving his when he pulled it from his lips and brought it to your shoulder to cool you down.

you breathed out, a soft gasp, and it took everything inside of him to not combust there and then.

“that feels nice,” you noted, “it’d feel better here.”

you dragged lewis’ bottle to your chest, the swells of your boobs spilling out from the top of it anyway, but they jolted when the cool droplets from the side of his bottle trickled between them. “yeah, i was right.”

lewis lowered the bottle, only slightly, and the gasp elicited from your lips again. he took a long, deep breath, composing himself, but before he managed to successfully forget about wanting to kiss you, you leaned in and did it yourself.

one hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him into you closer while he stood there in amazement. your lips slotted between his perfectly, and when he kissed back after what felt like hours, they moulded even better. the bottle he held at your chest had been removed, you placed it on the bedside table behind you.

lewis’ hands moved to your cheeks, cupping them gently and engulfing you in him as you kissed, your hands coming to rest on his torso. you felt so content in his arms, his lips on yours. you’d fantasized about this moment for weeks, and it had finally happened. neither you nor lewis wanted to pull away, so thoroughly engrossed in the kisses the other had to offer you didn’t even want to breathe.

he pulled away first, practically heaving for breath. he never knew a kiss could feel so good, and he realised rather quickly he never wanted to kiss anybody else ever again - not even his fiancee. you wiped your lips with the back of your hand, a vague, lingering taste of his budweiser coated your lips, while the citrus taste of your lipbalm coated his.

without another word, your lips locked again. his tongue slid easily past your tongue, and you allowed him free access within your mouth. this kiss was even better than the last, but you weren’t sure if that was even possible.

the door hadn’t been shut properly, and roscoe had managed to bump it open with his nose. he barked softly at lewis’ feet, and you soon pulled away from one another. the door was open barely an inch, but you sensed that kiara wasn’t far. lewis bent down to tend to roscoe, and you admired him while he did so. roscoe barked softly again, and you bent down to greet the bulldog with a smile on your face.

“who’s a good boy?” you cooed, and watched as roscoe cocked his head to the side, “rossy’s a good boy!”

as if on cue, kiara walked through the door. you straightened yourself up, awkwardly standing between the pair of them like a dagger through their marriage, and her gaze never left you.

“is everything okay up here?”

“mhm,” lewis said dryly, “Y/N was just playing with roscoe.”

“thought you went to the bathroom,” she replied, aiming her response at you. your throat was dry, but you swallowed thickly.

“i was - i, uh, i did - but then i saw roscoe coming into the bedroom and then i saw lewis so i-”

“-the door wasn’t open wide enough for you to see lewis, Y/N.”

“jesus, ki,” lewis pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, “roscoe came in, and then Y/N followed and pushed the door closed a couple of inches,” he lied surprisingly well, and you nodded with a soft smile, avoiding kiara’s eyes. “anything else?”

“you’ve got something on your lip,” she turned to lewis, even drier than before, and wiped her thumb underneath her own lip, eyes on you, “right there.”

several weeks passed, and you’d hardly seen or spoken to lewis in that time. the one time you did see him, he looked effortlessly gorgeous, standing beside kiara at the launch of her new his and hers perfume range. she made sure to keep her eye on you both all night, never allowing him a moment alone with you.

she had her head screwed on, she wasn’t stupid. georgie, much to your relief though, was none the wiser about the kiss, and you intended to keep it that way for as long as possible.

they were deep in conversation with one of kiara’s friends, one who they hadn’t met yet and they shared multiple views on certain, uninteresting subjects and it kept them entertained. you, on the other hand, not so much. your phone beeped in your jacket pocket, and when you pulled it out, lewis’ name was spread across your screen.

unable to grab you alone, he said, but kiara’s going away to france for paris fashion week on sunday. three dots popped up on the screen when you’d read the messages, and almost instantly, another message popped up, you can come over when she’s gone if you like, would be nice to see you.

a small smile graced your lips, and for the first time in weeks you felt a pulse in your veins once more at the prospect of being alone with lewis. sounds good to me, you shot back, shall we say monday at 12:30?

cool. he replied. you were just about to put down your phone when it buzzed again, don’t worry about making dinner, i’ll cook for you. you smiled again. and make sure to bring a change of clothes.

“i bought wine,” you smiled when lewis opened his front door to greet you. roscoe barked at your feet and circled your ankles when you entered the hallway, “i wasn’t sure whether you drank red, white or rose so i just bought all three.”

“you didn’t have to do that,” he replied, walking back off into the kitchen and watching you in the doorframe as you slipped off your shoes, “i like that dress.”

you blushed softly at his compliment, and by default swayed your hips to show off the floral detail. you almost told him that you bought it especially for this occasion, but you didn’t want to sound too eager - he was an almost married man, after all.

you watched as he poured you a glass of white wine from the half open bottle on the countertop, filling it just over three quarters of the way full and adding a drop of lemonade for sweetness. he handed it to you in silence.

“it’s not as fun when kiara’s not here,” you giggled sheepishly, and watched lewis from the rim of your wine glass as he chuckled along opposite you.

“i suppose you’re right,” he took a swig of his wine and then took several steps towards you, “but it’s nice, just us.”

you nodded, desperately wanting to tell him how perfect it felt. how much you knew he was the person you were destined to be with, how the kiss had completely and utterly changed the direction of your life. but you didn’t.

“did you know that kiara kissed georgie?”

the question wasn’t meant to leave your lips, but it did anyway. you didn’t care. you wanted to see the look on his face, the anger, the frustration, the confusion. only you didn’t get any of that. he still remained calm, his facial expression had barely changed one iota.

“no, but it doesn’t surprise me.”

you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and watched as lewis sipped his drink again. “there’s never been two people in this relationship, Y/N,” he sighed, “there’s always been affairs, i’ve just never had them.”

“oh.”

you weren’t sure whether lewis’ revelation made you so furious you could scream, or so furious you could fuck. he took another swig of his wine, and you stood there in silence once more. you began to walk towards him, placing your wine on the counter and getting closer to him until you were centemeters apart. you brought your lips to his, one hand bracing around the back of his neck like last time, while his hands moved to your hips.

your lips danced in tandem with one another and you eagerly bit down on his bottom lip to tell him you were ready for this to happen. he moved his hands down to grab at your bum and lifted you onto the countertop, where he slotted between your legs perfectly. your hands moved from behind his neck to underneath his shirt, where you stroked your fingers up his defined torso until it rode too high and he pulled it from his body. one of his hands came to rest at your throat, giving it an experimental squeeze, while the other hand travelled up your leg.

you opened them wider, and when they were open enough to his satisfaction, he pushed the lace material of your underwear to the side and circled your clit with the pad of his thumb. you gasped, clawing softly at the skin of his stomach as he continued to circle his thumb.

his lips moved to your neck, sucking on the skin so lightly, and when he felt like you were ready he inserted a finger into you, and relished in the moan when you cried out at the feeling. you bit down on your lip, one hand running up the side of his neck and bringing his lips back to yours.

you moaned into his mouth and he smrked against your lips, appreciating the reactions you were giving him. he inserted another finger and your back arched, pressing your chest up to his.

“ssh, ssh, Y/N,” he spoke softly, “i know.”

“feels so good, lewis,” you whispered back breathlessly, “please don’t stop.”

he hummed, sucking at the underside of your chin and nibbling at it with his front teeth. your hand travelled down to his sweats, where you squeezed teasingly at his dick, protruding out of the grey material. he let out a breath, one he’d clearly been holding in for a while, the feeling of your delicate hands on his dick was something he’d only ever imagined; and now it was happening he felt like he would explode.

lewis’ fingers began to pick up a bit more pace inside of you, curling in soft ‘come hither’ motions and coaxing you towards your orgasm. he leaned down, pushing the dress up higher and sinking to his knees to watch his fingers dissapear inside of you.

“so wet,” he noted, pulling his fingers out momentarily to lick around the pads before inserting them back inside of you, “so wet, all for me.”

“mhm,” you replied, sitting back on your elbows so he could get a better view, “all for you - fuck!”

lewis’ lips wrapped around your clit while you spoke, and his tongue flicked the underside while he hummed ever so softly against it. the friction made you cry out again, and one hand flew to his hair while you gripped at the counter so hard with your other hand that the skin went ten shades lighter from squeezing.

“‘m gonna - fuck, lewis, ‘m gonna cum.” you stated, tugging at his dreads as he continued to eat you out and curl his fingers. he nodded, humming slightly harsher and flicking your clit faster. it didn’t take long before you came, legs shaking around his head as he toppled you over the edge.

he pulled off of you with a pop and brought his lips to yours, and you moaned when you tasted yourself on his tongue. you got to your knees, silently telling him you’d return the favour, but he stopped you. “i need to feel you,” he said, “you’ll be staying all night, there’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

you frowned, but ultimately agreed. he pulled you up, and his fingers instantly went to the buttons down the front of your dress, carefully undoing them one by one. he could tell it was new by the smell, and he didn’t want to ruin it because he knew it would’ve upset you.

the dress dropped to the floor and pooled at your feet, and lewis’ eyes almost bulged out of his head when he saw you standing in front of him in just lacy underwear. he’d only ever dreamed of this, of seeing you in front of him in lingerie, waiting patently for him to admire you before he took it off.

your cheeks flushed red, and instinctually, you went to cover yourself over with your arms but lewis had other ideas. his fingers hooked under your bra straps, and they fell to your elbows. “you’re gorgeous, Y/N,” he spoke, almost breathlessly as he reached his arms around your body to unhook the back of the bra. he watched it fall, and your nipples pebbled in the cool air, “so fuckin’ gorgeous.”

you blushed once more, and your hands hooked into the waistband of his sweats so they wouldn’t cover up your body. the sweats fell off of his legs with ease and pooled at his ankles, and your soul almost left your body when he didn’t have any underwear on.

he smirked at your reaction, and hooked his fingers into your underwear. he pushed them down your legs, and travelled down with them, the pads of his fingers tickling the backs of your legs as he guided the underwear down. you stepped out of them and lewis came back to face you, his lips pecking yours and then your nose.

“how do you want me, darling?”

“i, uh,” you furrowed your eyebrows, unsure of the answer, “i don’t know.”

lewis’ expression mimicked yours, scrunched together eyebrows and a soft look on his face. you didn’t mean to pull that expression, and you knew you should’ve mentioned something before he pulled all your clothes off. “i’ve never done this,” you breathed, “i mean, i have done this - i have had sex - but i’ve just not, uh, i’ve never-”

“-hey hey, slow down,” lewis grabbed your wrists, “if you don’t want to do this, we really don’t have to.”

“no, no, lewis, i want to,” you shook your head, “i’ve just never had sex with a man before,” a sigh left your body and the hot air from your mouth blew all over lewis’ face and left him with shivers down his spine, “i’ve only ever dated one person, and that was georgie’s sister tessie,” there was a small silence, “and then tessie cheated on me with her best friend michael so i slept with georgie to get back at her.”

lewis chuckled and tucked some loose hair behind your ear, “i can work with that,” he kissed your nose, “do you still wanna do this?”

you nodded, and lewis smiled, releasing your hands and bracing them around his neck, “okay, sweetheart, get up on the counter for me.”

you did as you were told, and lewis almost felt now as if you were the most delicate china. you’d let him in, formed an emotional bond and that was something he would cherish forever. you spread your legs, much like earlier, and lewis reached over into the cabinet by the oven, pulling out a condom from a boz in the corner of it.

“why do you have condoms in your kitchen?” you asked, a raised eyebrow and an amused smirk on your face. lewis laughed.

“never know when you’ll need them,” he winked.

you watched intently as pumped his hand over his dick several times before he rolled it on.

“ready?”

“ready,” you smiled, wrapping your arms back around his shoulders, hands in his dreads. he guided himself inside of you, and as he stretched you out inch by glorious inch, your fingers got tighter around his hair and your breath hitched more and more, “fuck, lewis.”

he groaned when his ball hit the counter, signalling that he was all the way inside of you, and he pulled your chin to face him, lulling your eyes open by pressing his forehead against yours. “just tell me when you’re ready to carry on, okay?”

you nodded, feeling so content in lewis’ touch as he kissed your nose and stroked your cheeks with his fingers. a minute or so passed for you to adjust to his size, and when you did you kissed him back, “you can move now.”

he did as he was told, moving steadily inside of you until he got into a good rhythm, slow enough so that he didn’t hurt you but fast enough so that you both got the pleasure you deserved out of it. you were whimpering and whining at the feeling, blabbering incoherently about how good he felt, begging him to go faster.

“lewis, please - fuck, please go faster.”

he hooked his fingers underneath your thighs and with his immense strength he picked you from the counter and lowered you until you were on the floor, all while still being inside of you. the kitchen tiles were cold on your back, but you didn’t care. he hovered over you, the angle much easier for him to fuck you properly and for you to feel the full effect of him inside of you.

he began thrusting, his pace slightly quicker than it was before, and you cried out. lewis’ whimpers and groans were unlike anything you’d ever heard before, and you realised you never wanted to hear them from anyone else. you couldn’t help yourself, getting lost in the feeling of him inside of you so much.

your moans stroked his ego, and the louder you got, the faster lewis’ thrusts became. “fuck, Y/N, you’re so good,” he groaned, dipping his head into your shoulder where he left marks from his stubbly chin, “so good and so tight.”

you moaned again, eyes clenched shut as you felt the familiar onsets of an orgasm sparking up in your stomach. lewis’ hand found yours, and you entwined your fingers as he held it beside your head, a soft gesture that let you know he wasn’t going anywhere.

“fuck, lewis,” you cried out, arching your back up off of the floor, “i’m gonna cum again, can’t hold it any longer.”

after several more thrusts from lewis, you came with a cry, clenching around him like a vice. he wanted to hold out a little longer and try and give you a third before his own orgasm hit, but the feeling of you clenching so hard around his dick was too much for him. he came inside the condom, not even giving himself time to pull out like he usually did, and you pictured what it would be like without the condom.

he fucked the pair of you through your orgasm, and when you couldn’t take the sensitivity, he pulled out of you and rolled to his back. you were amazed that someone could make you feel this good. you felt like you could do anything, and you were positive he felt the same.

you tucked yourself into his side, and he happily let you, kissing your forehead as you wrapped your legs together and entwined yourself physically as well as emotionally.

“that was so much better than i ever could’ve imagined.”

he smiled at your words, “it’s never been like that with kiara, this was different, the best kind of different,” his lips found yours when you looked up at him, “what’re you doing to me Y/N Y/L/N?”

“what do you mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows, and his heart skipped a beat at your niavety.

“i’m losing my mind over you,” he admitted, “the best thing that ever happened to me was meeting you at the art gallery all those months ago,” his fingers stroked your hair delicately, “i’ll never be able to live my life unless you’re in it.”

you laid your head on his chest, and you could hear the abnormally fast thumping of his heart rocking against his bones. “wanna know something?” you raised an eyebrow as you looked up to him, “i’ll never be able to live mine without you in it either.”

“then stay,” lewis offered, “stay all week, and when kiara comes back from paris we’ll figure something out. i can’t live without you, Y/N. you’re a part of me now.”

you blushed, and your lips instinctively made their way to his.

“you’re a part of me now too, lewis, and i wouldn’t change it for the world.”

#lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton imagines #lewis hamilton smut #lewis hamilton imagine #sir lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton #lh #lewis hamilton x reader blurbs #lewis hamilton x reader smut #lewis hamilton x reader fluff #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton blurbs #f1 smut #f1 imagine #f1 drivers x reader smut #f1 drivers smut #f1 drivers imagines #f1 drivers x reader #lh44

1K notes · View notes