#unless i’m with my friends and girlfriend then every moment is cherished and i am as present as i can be

[ishouldreallybeelsewhere]

gonna start pretending i’m an assassin returning to the trade thru a dramatic montage of washing away the blood and putting on a suit and gearing up with all that had been hidden but never disposed of, never forgotten every time i have a shower

[chaos-writes-fanfiction]

You’re in love with him

A/n I gave his mom the name Mei.

Warnings: none just some fluff, friends to lovers

Pairings: Aone × fem!reader

Being best friends with Aone came easily having your mother’s being best friends and living down the street from one another meant spending lots of time with him becoming close friends your selves. Always going to school together and waiting for him during practice so you can go home together. Having weekly sleepovers alternating who’s house unless he was away for a game, tournament or training camp.

And today you made your way to the gym to watch practice while doing homework, before staying at his house for the weekend. When you walk in the guys were still stretching.

“Hey guys” you said walking in

They greeted you with several ‘hey’ or 'hi’ from them as they started to warm up. Taking your normal seat and starting on your homework. When suddenly a volleyball comes flying at you unexpectedly and smashing into the side of your face. The whole team freezes except Aone who is running up to you.

“Way to go” Futakuchi said sarcastically to Koganegawa “dont be surprised when Aone kills you for hitting her”

“Let me see” Aone said softly moving your hand away from your cheek

Your cheek was very red and bruising already as tears fell down your cheeks. He ghosted his thumb over your cheek to wipe your tears

“Ow” you whimpered

“Here” Sakunami said handing Aone a ice pack that he wrapped a towel in so the ice wasn’t directly on your skin

He took it and gently placed it on your cheek holding your face so gently in his hand. You gently place your hand over his on your cheek.

“Thanks bear” you whisper his childhood nickname

He smiled softly at that. Then his smile dropped as he removed his hand from your cheek your hand still holding the ice pack as he turned and glared at Koganegawa.

“I promise it was an accident I didnt mean to” Koganegawa said quickly

“Then why haven’t you apologized to her?” Sakunami asked

Koganegawa ran over to you hanging his head

“I’m so sorry Senpai” he said “I didnt mean to”

“Please be more careful Koganegawa” you said

He nodded and they went back to practice you packed up your things as you waited for them to clean up to walk home with Aone. Your cheek still hurt and it had potential to give you a black eye from where it hit your cheek.

“Let’s go” Aone said when they were finished

“Can I get a piggyback ride to the train station?” You asked

He nodded and crouched down. You climb on and he holds your legs as you wrap your arms around his neck as he starts walking to the train station, resting your non bruised cheek against his his back. He set you down while waiting for the train. When you finally arrive to his house you walk in taking off your shoes in the now permanent space for you since you were over so often.

“Are you kids home?” His mom calls from the kitchen

“Yes we are Mei” you said

“Dinner is just about ready if you want to wash up” she said

Aone walks up to the bathroom to shower quickly before dinner. As you walk into the kitchen washing your hands to help finish making dinner.

“How are you dear?” Mei asked her back to you

“I’m good” you said as you move next to her cutting up some green onion

“What happened to your face?” She asked alarmed seeing the bruise

“I was watching practice and I got hit with a stray spike” you said

“Oh dear” she said “have you iced it?”

“Yes, bear made me right after it happened” you said

She smiled at the use of Aones nickname “of course he did” she said “but it looks like it still going to be around for a little while.”

“Yeah unfortunately” she said “the first year that accidentally hit me felt so bad I thought he was going to start crying”

She giggled softly and you both finished up making dinner which was shoyu ramen (soy sauce based)

“Will you go get him for dinner?” Mei asked

You nod and go upstairs to his room the shower wasn’t going anymore. So you walk to his door and knock. He opens the door letting you in. Hes drying his hair from his shower wearing black sweats and a white tshirt.

“Dinner is ready” you said smiling up at him.

“What are we having?” He asked putting the towel in his basket

“Ramen” you said

“Good its going to be cold tonight” he said.

He lightly touches your cheek again.

“I’m okay” you said

“I know I worry still” he said

“You always do” you said leaning into his touch and turn to kiss the palm of his hand “let’s go eat”

You take his hand in yours not noticing the wash of pink on his cheeks as you lead him down to the table and taking your normal seat beside him. After dinner and helping him clean up, his mom left going to the store to get some groceries and some snacks for the both of you for the weekend.

You go upstairs with him, he started on his homework and you lounge on his bed keeping him company when your phone started ringing.

“I’ll be right back” you tell him as you leave his room

You walk to the living room. And sit down and answer your girl bestfriends call

“Hey, Yachi” you said

“Hey honey” she said

“What’s up?” You asked

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to have a sleep over this weekend” she said “me, kiyoko and Saeko are here”

“Oh I can’t, I’m already staying at Aone’s this weekend” you said

“Have you confessed to him yet?” Saeko asked

“What do you mean? Hes my best friend we’ve been friends our whole lives my mom and his mom are childhood bestfriends too” you said

“You spend all your time with him unless hes away for volleyball” she said

“Well yeah…” you said

“Did something happen?” Kiyoko asked

“I got hit with a stray spike in the face” you said

“And how did he react?” Yachi asked

“He ran over right away and checked on me and gave me an ice pack after wiping my tears away” you said

“And after practice?” Saeko asked

“He gave me a piggyback ride to the train station and we took the train home, I helped his mom finish making dinner and we ate, I was keeping him company in his room while he did homework until you called” you said

“I hate to be the one to say it but you and him act more like boyfriend and girlfriend not friends” kiyoko said

You sat in silence for a little while thinking about everything.

“Hey are you still there?” Saeko asked

“Oh god” you said

“You’re in love with him” kiyoko said you could hear the smile in her voice

“Yeah…” you trailed off

“Then go tell him” Saeko said

“Is everything alright dear?” Mei asked

You hang up the phone and look up at her as she stood in front of you

“I just realized something” you whispered looking down

“What?” She asked concerned

“I’m in love with him” you whispered afraid to say it too loudly

“Who?” She asked tilting your chin up “Takanobu?”

“Yes” you whispered nodding

She smiled and kissed your forehead “I’m happy you finally figured it out” she said

“What?” You asked confused

“Your mom and I were wondering when you’d finally figure it out” she said

“Really?” You asked “you both knew?”

“Oh my dear, I’m pretty sure the only ones who didnt know were you and him” she said smiling “now, why dont you go tell him”

You nod a little hesitantly but go back upstairs after texting yachi why you hung up so suddenly. When you walk back in hes closing his text books

“Finished already?” You asked

“Yes” he said standing up and walking over to sit on his bed

You go and sit beside him.

“Can I tell you something?” You asked

“Of course” he said

You take a deep breath and let it out slowly resting your head on his shoulder “I love you, more than just friends” you said

He stiffened for a moment “you do?” He asked turning to look at you

You look back at him and nod

“I-I” he started but took a breath “I love you too, more than just a friend”

“You do?” You asked

“Yes, I have for a while” he said and he reaches into his bedside table and pulled out a letter and handed it to you

“What’s this?” You asked

“Read it” he said

You open the letter and read it;

'My dear,

We’ve been friends for as long as I remember and I’ve never been good with words; but I want you to know I cherish our friendship, but lately I find myself wanting more, I want to hold your hand when we are walking together, not just around town but at school too, I want to hold you in my arms when we have our weekly sleep overs, to wear my volleyball jacket when you come to my games. I guess I’m saying that I want you to be my girlfriend. I’ve loved you for a while now and it’s taken me this long to tell you how I feel.

-Love your Bear’

“I’ll gladly be your girlfriend” you said as tears fell down your cheeks

He wiped away your tears and kissed your forehead. You look up at him and lean towards him and gently kiss his lips, he kissed you back gently before pulling away smiling. You smile back and cuddle up to him as he gently plays with your fingers and his hand in yours. The both of you end up falling asleep cuddling.

A few weeks later, you’re getting ready, Saeko is picking you up to take you with her to a training camp to surprise Aone. You hear her honking and you run out and climb in handing Hinata your bag.

“Okay go” you said

“Are you excited?” Saeko asked

“Of course I am” you said “I’m always excited to see my boyfriend”

“Dont you see him every day?” Hinata asked

“Yep but he doesn’t know that I’m coming” you said smiling

About 45 minutes later and nearly dying from Saekos insane driving three times you finally arrive at the training camp, the first ones out are Hinata and Kageyama. Then you and Saeko got out walking towards the gym where the teams were taking a short break between games. The next team’s going up were Date Tech and Karasuno. Kiyoko and Yachi see you first.

“You came!” Yachi said smiling as she runs over and hugs you

“Saeko picked me up” you said and hug her back

“Good, we needed a few other girls” Kiyoko said smiling taking her hug

“Please, shes ditching us for her boyfriend” Saeko said rolling her eyes playfully

“Boyfriend?” Nishinoya asked “this beautiful goddess has a boyfriend?”

“Yep” you said smiling

“Who?” He asked

“Watch” Yachi said

Just then Date Tech walked over and you smile as you see your boyfriends eyes widen seeing you here. You run up to him jumping into his waiting arms wrapping your arms around his neck as he held your thighs, giving him a kiss on the cheek

“Hey” he said softly

“Hey baby” you said smiling hugging him tightly

He was holding you close not paying any attention to the stares from the other teams. As they watched the iron wall be soft for his girlfriend. He sets you back down on your feet, but holds your hand.

“Come meet my friends” you said he nods and follows you over, “this is, Kiyoko, Yachi and Saeko, kiyoko and yachi are Karasunos managers and Saeko is Tanakas older sister”

“Hi” he said “I’m Aone”

“Oh we know a lot about you” Saeko said smirking at you “this one talks about you all the time”

“Saeko I do not” you said blushing deep red

“Except you do” Kiyoko said

You whine a little bit embarrassed and hide your face in Aones chest. He starts stroking your hair.

“Its fine dear, I dont mind you talking about me” he said.

“Aone were about to start” Futakuchi said calling him over

“Go, good luck” you said

He lets you go and kisses your lips quickly before running back over to his team.

“Its definitely safe to say that you’re in love with him” Kiyoko said

“Yes I am” you said smiling watching your boyfriend getting ready to play

“So should we expect wedding invitations after you graduate?” Saeko asked in a teasing tone

“Maybe” you said blushing.

[unnecessarywriting]

Tolerate It - Harry Potter (Part 1)

Request: Ohhh do i have a request for you!! Harry x reader one shot or a serie idk based on tolerate it by taylor swift. The drama, tears, fight, angst, but eventually cute and fluffy needy Harry🥰🥰

A/N: Sorry that I had to repost your request like this. Tumblr has been giving me problems. Also, I assumed you meant Harry potter but if you meant styles just let me know and I can write a new one. I hope this is good, and I will try to get part 2 out as soon as possible. Thank you for reading, and please don’t hesitate to request something!

P.S I know this part is really angsty but it will get better in the second part.

Tolerate It

His warmth was something you cherished. Yes, past tense. The last time you felt it was that horrid day. That was the day that everything changed. Sometimes you wonder if you were wrong all along. He held onto you so tight, you thought you might never breathe again. You haven’t felt that in months. The funerals have gone by, and tears were shed for your friends. You wondered if  he felt guilty, or maybe even lost, but whenever he was with anyone else, he seemed fine. Hell, even when he was alone, he seemed perfectly fine. He wasn’t grieving anymore. The pain he felt had dulled, and you were left out in the cold.

He would write to his friends often, and you stood outside of the door. You would watch the quill delicately run across the page as he wrote about everything he was feeling. You didn’t have the same ability. All you had was Harry, and that was all you felt you needed. You were always by his side, and you worshipped the ground he walked on. Not because he was the “Chosen One” but because he was the love of your life. You used to be his. You still believed you were, but he had been distant.

Mornings in your house consisted of you waking up first. You would wait a while to get up so you could watch his face relax into the peace that you haven’t felt in too long. His body no longer wrapped around yours. You would fall asleep cold, and you would wake up with shivers. His comfort was no longer there. The only saving grace was his shirts that you managed to take away from him. He no longer placed them out for you, instead you needed to take them from the laundry. You would eventually get up and cook breakfast for two. Some mornings, he would come out on his own and sit down at the table, observing your movements. Other mornings, you would carefully walk back into your bedroom and wake him, telling him that breakfast is ready for him.

Then, the two of you would go to work, unless it was the weekend. Those days, you would try to organize some activities to do together, but he typically made plans with Ron. At night, you were typically home first, so you would start dinner, trying to have it on the table for his return. If he came home before you were done, he would go into the study to finish some ministry paperwork, or that’s what you told yourself. Your dinners would be quiet. You would sometimes ask him about his day, or his plans for the weekend. His replies were short. There was no need for him to disclose every detail of his day to you, but you would always wait for the return of the question. Once, you talked about your day, but he would just nod his head at your words as he ate. After dinner, he would return to the study, until he was ready to go to bed. Some nights, you would stand at the door watching him work, and you would eventually tell him of your plans to go to bed. Sometimes, he would offer you a glance and a nod, but those were few. For a while, you considered this to be the way that domestic life worked. You two no longer had to deal with the dark evil forces that taunted you in your school days. It wasn’t until one night at the Burrow that you learned about your mistakes.

You two were invited for dinner with the Weasley clan, as a way to just be together in a time of loss. You were excited to get out of the house and be with other people. It wasn’t often that you were with your friends. They were typically with Harry, but he made it painfully clear that you weren’t needed in their interactions. You always wrote if off as time away from you, which you could understand, but it still hurt to not see everyone as often as you used to. It was a part of growing up. That is what you told yourself on a daily basis. You love Harry, and he loved you. 

When you arrived at the Burrow, you offered to help Molly with dinner. It was something that you had grown used to doing since living with Harry. A part of you enjoyed all of the cooking and cleaning, but you also wished there was an ounce of appreciation from the man you shared a bed with. She declined your offer politely, and you were almost nervous to return to the living room with the others. You couldn’t explain why, but something about the welcoming, warm atmosphere in the Burrow made you uncomfortable. When you walked in, you could see that Ginny was in deep conversation with Harry. Hermione and Ron were sitting as close as they could without Hermione using Ron as a chair. You walked over to Harry and sat down. You kept your head slightly down. You weren’t really listening to the conversations around you, but you did hear a few comments from Ginny.

“I can’t believe you had to do that! Harry that’s absolutely ridiculous. When I read that in your letter, I thought you had been drinking and made it all up. You’re a madman.” She seemed to know more about your boyfriend’s endeavors more than you did. His response, however, set off a few alarms in your head.

“C’mon, I would never drink and write a letter to you.” His playful tone made you curl up into yourself. Luckily, Molly announced that dinner was ready. Throughout the meal, you were quiet. You were trying to process the emotions that were bubbling up, but you didn’t even know what to think. All that time in his study was spent talking to another woman. Yes, they were briefly together at some point, but you never considered that he would ever want to leave you. You continued to remain as an observer for the night. Arthur and Molly were perfect. He would compliment her shamelessly throughout the night. He thanked her for dinner and offered to help her clean up, but Molly was stubborn and pushed him away, but not without a kiss. That was what you wanted with Harry. That was what you deserved, but here you are, just being there for him. 

That night, you crawled into bed without him. You let the tears fall down, knowing that you needed to talk to him about your relationship. It pained you greatly, but you knew it had to be done.

The following morning, you made breakfast as per usual, but you didn’t eat with Harry. You left a note with his food saying you had an early appointment. He wouldn’t care, you thought. It was true though. Before you fell asleep the night before, you had made a call to an old friend who was in need of a roommate. When you told her that you think it may be over with Harry, she was very understanding, plus, she could use the money for rent, so she was ready to offer you the place right away. You spent the morning looking at the apartment and the room, which would be yours if things with Harry didn’t go well. She hugged you and wished you luck as you went to your job.

 That night, you returned home and cooked dinner. You made sure everything looked as good as possible. The door opened, and in walked Harry. He looked around and caught sight of you at the kitchen counter nursing a glass of wine. He shed his coat and walked over to the dinner table. You didn’t sit down with him.

“Aren’t you coming to eat,” he questioned. Your hands were shaking.

“Tell me Harry. Have I wasted my time here with you?” His head snapped to you, slightly angry.

“Excuse me?” His accusing tone set something off in you.

“Everyday, I make you meals. I ask you about your day. I wait around for you. I try to get your attention. And every single day I am left on the outside. No gratitude, no conversation. I would be surprised if you even knew what I do for a living. Harry, you write letters to your ex with so much enthusiasm, and you leave me untouched. Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much that you are willing to suffer through this torture? The emotional turmoil? So tell me Harry, do you even love me anymore? Or have I wasted all this time on someone who just tolerates having me around?” 

He was silent for a moment, registering everything you said.

“What does Ginny have to do with any of this? I’m allowed to write letters to my friends. It’s not my fault that you’re jealous. I am here almost everyday. I occasionally go out with friends without you present. You’re just clingy.” You scoffed at his response.

“Merlin Harry! Do you even hear yourself? You can be so dimwitted sometimes. You treat me like I am your servant. I’m not an elf. I am your girlfriend. You told me you loved me, but clearly that was only temporary.”

“Don’t start with this ‘you don’t love me’ bullshit. If I didn’t we wouldn’t be living together. You can be so insufferable sometimes Y/N. I need time away from you, and all you want to do is be there with me. ‘Harry let’s do this. Harry let’s do that. Harry come eat. Harry, how was your day? Who were you with?’ I can’t deal with these questions all the time. Why do you think I spend so much time in my study? I need to be away from you and your neediness.” The tears started to set their path down your cheeks.

“Well, then. I guess that answers all of my questions.” You got up and grabbed your bag.

“Where the hell are you going? We had a fight. Get over it and eat with me.”

“You’re getting what you want. I’m leaving you alone, or rather I’m leaving you. I refuse to just be tolerated by someone who is supposed to love me.” You opened the door and looked back at him. “I’ll get my things another time.” With that, you walked out the door, leaving Harry to his own thoughts.

Part 2

[jadedxrealityw]

-Evermore- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

    ♡~🐍~♡

   Summary: The wizarding war is starting and your family fears for their safety. Even though they were purebloods, they were not death-eaters. They decide to flee to america, but you, unlike them have someone to lose by leaving.

   Kody: The song this image is based off of. Evermore by Dan Stevens (From the Beauty And The Beast 2017 Movie)

   Year: 7th

   House: Slytherin

   Possible Triggers/Warnings: some angst, cursing i think?

    ♡~🐍~♡

   when you were 13 you had the displeasure of meeting Draco Malfoy. Just transferring from America had been a big change for you, but you were ready to take on the challenge of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. That was until you bumped into him.

   you hit somebody’s chest with a harsh thud “Watch where your bloody going!” someone shouted at you. You step back and meet the cold grey eyes off a pale boy. “Excuse me?” you said, slightly taken aback by his loud shouting. The boy had an amused grin on his face.

   ‘I was the one who had it all. I was the master of my fate’

   “do i need to repeat myself? Watch where you're going? Who even are you? You sound american” he crosses his arms over his chest. You raise a brow ‘who does he think he is?’ you thought. “I’m Y/n L/n from ilvermorny. I just transferred here today so i am in fact American.” 

   his grin didn’t falter in the slightest “What’s your blood status?” he asked. You almost gasped. Why did he need to know that at all. You keep your composure this time putting on a grin of your own. “and why does that matter in the slightest?” you question. 

   “Because, i’m Draco Malfoy, pureblood and i shouldn’t be wasting my time with anyone less” he spoke with such smugness that you wanted to punch him right then and there. You put on a fake pout before answering “It’s to bad that i don’t care about blood status then huh?”

   with those words you pushed past him and his trio of friends, leaving him in your metaphorical dust. As you walked away Draco watched your every movement. He was captivated by the way you stood up for yourself. It was different. It was exciting. 

   “I remember now! She’s from the american pureblood family. The L/n’s!” Theo shouted with a proud smile at his memory. Draco looked at him with a surprised expression “Really? Why didn’t she just tell me that then?” he replied, slightly irritated.

   “because she was messing with you and you walked right into, Malfoy” Pansy rolls her eyes “I swear boys are so stupid” scoffing she began walking to class. Blaise and Theo following after her. Draco just sighed very loudly “Oh so now i’m the bad guy!”

    ♡~🐍~♡

    ‘I never needed anybody in my life. I learned the truth too late’

   the next week during potions class Draco was visibly struggling with a potion he had been working on all class and if he didn’t get it done before the end of the session he would fail. “That doesn’t look quite right” a voice said from beside him. He looks over to see you, standing behind him.

   “Shove off L/n and mind your own potion” he hissed, each word laced with venom. What a Slytherin am i right? “I’m already finished, i think you missed an ingredient” you say, leaning over to look at his potion. He uses his free hand to push your head away “I don’t need anything else, it has to be perfect.Now leave”

   he watches you place something next to his cauldron and walk away to your own desk. He gazes over at what you had left. Unicorn hair? hes hesitant, but picks it up then drops it in the cauldron. He watches the potion change to the right color and smiles to himself.

   he looks over at you and you give him a small wink before going back to your potion. Maybe you weren’t that bad, but he’d never say that out loud.

    ♡~🐍~♡

    ‘I'll never shake away the pain’

   fast forward to 4th year, yule ball is upon Draco and he came alone. Pansy was taking Ginny and Blaise was taking Theo. As he stood at the entrance of the ball he felt a presence to his left “Did Draco Malfoy come alone to the ball?” a teasing, familiar tone said.

    ‘I close my eyes but she's still there’

   he rolled his eyes and prepared a witty comeback, but all words left him once he saw you in a beautiful black dress. “Have i left you speechless?” you ask, stifling laughter. He regains his composure somehow and grins “Didn’t you come alone as well, why? Did no one ask you?” he teased.

   you shake your head “No actually three seperate boys asked me. I just said no” you say simply, catching Draco off guard. “Really? Why?” he questions, He watches as you sigh deeply “Because i was waiting for you to ask me of course. Now do you want to dance?”

  ‘I let her steal into my melancholy heart’

   Draco stood in shock before he felt you grab his hand, leading him to the middle of the dance floor. “Unless you don’t want to of course?” you tilt your head to the side. He shakes his head a bit before placing his hands on your waist. A strange feeling envelops his chest.   

   you wrap your arms around his neck, giving him a warm smile “You seem frightened by me?” you ask, unsure of your own question. He shakes his head quickly “No!- no i’m not, it’s just- thank you for saving me from the embarrassment of going alone. I don’t want people to think im-” he admits.

   "a loser?” you finish his sentence. He chuckles at your answer “Yeah, something like that” he responds, his tone sadder then before. You shrug your shoulders at his statement “I wouldn’t think your a loser. I’d still like you” you spoke confidently.

   his grey eyes widened as you said those three words to him.

    ‘It's more than I can bear’

   and he ran away...

    ♡~🐍~♡

   weeks had past and students were now leaving the train to meet up with their parents for the summer. Draco hadn’t spoken to you at all. He was to scared to admit his own feelings to you. It was a coward move sure, but it was better than having to look at your bright E/c eyes and fall even more.

   Draco was holding his luggage in one hand when he bumped into someone “Oh my, i’m so sorry” and there was the familiar voice again. His eyes locked with yours “Hey Y/n” he said. You scoff and place your luggage down, turning your body towards his.

   “you leave me on the dance floor and reject me in the most rude way possible and all you say is ‘Hey Y/n’ if you were that disgusted by me Draco Malfoy, you could have just said so!” you shouted at him, he could see the tears brimming through the same E/c eyes he had seen so many times before. 

   he felt his world shatter a tiny bit at your outburst “No that’s not it at all. No one has ever liked me before okay?! It’s different. Especially when i like them back” it was your turn to be surprised this time. “Oh...you do?” you say, wondering if your ears had been playing tricks on you. 

   Draco nods slowly “Yes, i like you Y/n and i’m sorry for the way i acted at the yule ball” he says genuinely, no trace of mischief in his eyes. The corners of your mouth turn upward in a smile “Apology accepted” you nod once. He copies your smile.

   “so what does that make us?” he asked. You roll your eyes “It makes us boyfriend and girlfriend Draco. That means i am yours and you are mine, got it?” you state, pointing a finger at him. He grins lightly and nods “I wouldn’t dream of anything else.”

   ‘Now I know she'll never leave me’

   you smile up at him before your eyes looked at something behind him. “Oh that’s my parents! I have to go, but i’ll write you!” you force each word out quickly then stand on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek. You give him one last smile before picking up your luggage shouting mom and dad.

   ‘Even as she runs away’

   Draco turns behind him to watch as you walked away with your parents, his hand reaching up to touch the cheek you had left a kiss on. He felt his mind go fuzzy as the tingling feeling still lingered on his kiss. He let out a deep sigh “She’ll be the absolute death of me, that’s for sure”

   ‘She will still torment me’

    ♡~🐍~♡

   the month you two spent apart was one of the worst feelings Draco had ever felt. Now that you two were together, he had this nagging feeling of always wanting to hold you and just be by you in anyway. He didn’t know he could become so attached to someone. 

   after one night he had a fight with his father he stormed up to his room, slamming the door. He tried to calm himself down, but it was no use. The anger just wouldn’t subside. That was until a soft knock came to his door “Draco, honey. A letter came for you. From someone named Y/n L/n?”

   Draco quickly opened his door. Narcissa handed him the letter and turned on her heels to walk down the hall. He closed his door again and rushed over to his bed. He opens the letter, your handwriting was so unique. With each word he read, the angered feeling drained away and a comforting one replaced it.

    ‘Calm me,  hurt me’

   he did scowl at the small section of you berated him on how he should of sent a letter first, but he also found it quite cute. He collected each one of your letters after that. He kept them in a black wooden chest that he hid under his bed. They became his cherished memories. 

   ‘Move me, come what may. Wasting in my lonely tower’

   he wished that he could have spent that summer with you instead...

   ♡~🐍~♡

    ‘Waiting by an open door’

   his leg wouldn’t stop shaking, he was going to see you again and it was the start of his fifth year and whatever, but that wasn’t on his mind at the moment. He was sitting in the Slytherin cabin of the train, waiting for you to step on. His mind was racing in two different directions.

    ‘I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in’

   while waiting his mind had convinced myself that she was actually a figment of his screwed up imagination and he was a fool for waiting for her, but after realizing that even thinking that was the truth was mental he calmed down quite a bit. 

   “Draco?” that familiar voice spoke. He looks up to meet your E/c eyes once again. He jumps up from his seat and wraps his arms around you tightly. You stumble on your feet a bit, but hold onto him as well. “Happy to see you too?” you say with a small laugh.

   “please don’t ever go on vacation for the summer again, i couldn’t handle it”he breathed out into your ear. You smile and pat his back “Okay i won’t you big baby” he pulls away and pecks your lips quickly, your face flushing. He grins a bit at your reaction. “Your lucky i like you Draco Malfoy”

   ‘And be with me for evermore’

    ♡~🐍~♡

   ‘I rage against the trials of love. I curse the fading of the light’

   they were 16, it’s been a year since they started dating and Draco was, to put in simple terms. Losing. His. Shit. Not only did he have the dark lord’s orders to fulfill, you were coming over tonight and he was going to tell you those three terrifying words. 

   his thoughts could no longer race as a knock came to his bedroom door “Draco?” oh shit. You were here. He takes a deep breath before going over and opening the door. He instantly wraps his arms around your waist “hello darling” he says in a breathy tone before leaning down to kiss your lips.

   “hmm, hi” you say in between kisses. “I can’t believe your mom said yes to me sleeping over” Draco leads you into his room, shutting the door. He shrugs “Mother knows how much you mean to me so” he trails off at the end. You nod “Yeah i am your girlfriend, so it makes sense”

   ‘Though she's already flown so far beyond my reach’

   “yeah, but your so much more to me” he says, his tone becoming serious. You chuckle nervously at his change of demeanour “Okay..” he lets out a deep sigh “oh merlin, i’m trying to say i love you Y/n. i’m in love with you. Like stupidly in love with you and you say boys are stupid”

   a smile grows on your face before you wack his arm with your hand “Ow!” “Next time just say that you goof. I love you too Draco” you exclaim. He chuckles before scooping you back into his arms and both of you share a sweet kiss. 

    ♡~🐍~♡

   now. 7th year. With the wizardry war starting and people choosing sides. Things were getting chaotic and fast. “Y/n pack your things quickly, were leaving!” your mother shouted from the living room. You rush downstairs in a haste “What do you mean were leaving!?”

   your mother turns to you with a horrified expression “the sacred 28 are coming. There going to try and convert us to death eaters. Were leaving for America now!” she shouts. You shake you head rapidly “But Draco- i can’t leave him!”

   “He’s a death eater Y/n. I know you love him darling, but he chose his side” she spoke in a comforting tone, but you didn’t find it comforting at all. Pulling out your wand you apparate away. Leaving your mother in shock. Where had you gone.

   ♡~🐍~♡

    ‘She's never out of sight’

   a there you were. Standing in Draco’s room. He looked away from the window and to you “Y/n? You can’t be here. Love. you have to leave” he spoke in a hushed tone as he walked towards you, grasping your shoulders. “I know Draco, i know your a death eater”

   his grey eyes were filled with shame, looking away from you “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my choice Y/n you have to believe me. It was my fathers idea i swear on everything” the way he spoke was enough to convince you. “I believe you Draco. I do” he lets out a sigh of relief “Thank merlin”

   “my family is fleeing to America. The sacred 28 are coming to my house right now to give me the mark” his eyes were no longer shameful, but terrified. “You have to go then” he said, cupping your face with his hands “I can’t-” “-Yes you can. Love, your not safe here”

   “I don’t care. I can’t leave you Draco. It would be too painful” you spoke, tears starting to water in your eyes. He nods slowly “I know, but as soon as this mess is over you can come find me again. I’ll be waiting at my front door for you. I promise”

   you look down, refusing to meet his gaze as tears began to stream down your cheeks “Promise me Y/n” he says more sternly. You hesitantly look up at him “I promise” you nod, putting your hands over his. “I love you Y/n L/n” he chokes out. “I love you too Draco Malfoy-”

   “-I had a feeling you’d be here” a voice came from the doorway. Narcissa Malfoy. Draco lets go of you and pushes you behind him “Mother please” he begged. Narcissa waved her hand “There’s no need for that Draco, come along Y/n so i can sneak you out. They’ll know if you apparate”

    ‘Now I know she'll never leave me’

   “Your not going to tell the dark lord?” you asked, holding onto Draco’s arm. Narcissa simply smiled and shook her head “I could never do that to you or my son, now we must leave at once” she held out her hand for you. You look at Draco before letting go of him.

    ‘Even as she fades from view’     

   “Make me a promise as well. In the end you’ll choose the right side in the end” you say/ He nods slowly “Anything for you” he spoke, giving you a smile that you return. Narissa grabs your hand and leads you out the room, closing the door. He waits a couple minutes before looking out his window.

   he saw his mother leading you out the Manor. She seemed to say something to you before placing something in your palm. She gives you a kiss on your head before you apparate away. At that moment, his whole world had shattered. You were gone. Really gone. 

       ♡~🐍~♡

    ‘She will still inspire me. Be a part of everything I do’

   and he kept his promise. At the day of the final battle when Harry Potter fell out of Hagrid’s arms. He ran towards him and threw his wand at him before leaving the scene completely. He hoped his mother wouldn’t worry to much about his whereabouts, but when Harry finally defeated the dark lord. He smiled.

   he couldn’t wait to see you again. After charges were being dealt to his parents Draco and his mother were pardoned of all crimes due to there help towards Harry and his friends. For once he thank Potter for speaking for him at his trial. He wasn’t such a bad guy.

    ‘Wasting in my lonely tower’

   it had been days since the war was over and there was still no word from you. It had been months without contact and you were no where to be found. He went by your old house. Empty. Not a single witch or wizard to be seen. Had you moved on?

    ‘Waiting by an open door. I'll fool myself, she'll walk right in’

   like he promised, every morning, afternoon, and night. He wait by his door for an hour. Waiting for you to walk down the Manor path so he could wrap you in his arms again and feel your familiar warmth again, but a week had gone by and nothing, but he wouldn’t lose hope. 

   ‘And as the long, long nights begin. I'll think of all that might have been’

   he started waiting longer at the door. One hour turned to three. Narcissa had became worried about her sons health. So she made sure that he ate and drank enough water. Even help him to bed when he passed out leaning on the doorframe. Which he did. A lot.

       ♡~🐍~♡

   three weeks. Nothing. The early morning shift that day he wore his night clothes as he sat on the concrete. He had his face in his hands, rubbing away any tired feeling he had. “Draco?” his whole body froze like ice. He prayed that it wasn’t the tiredness as he looked up.

   there you were. A small smile on your face as you stared down at him. He leaped off the ground and grabbed your face “What took you so bloody long?!” he shouts. “I had to wait until i turned 18 so i could leave. My mom tried to keep us apart, but it’s okay. I’m here now”

   he nods vigorously. “You are. Your here” he smashes his lips onto yours in a passionate kiss. It lasts a couple seconds before you pull away “Your mom gave me this by the way” you pull a silver ring out your pocket. It had a small black diamond on it. “My mother's engagement ring?” 

   you chuckle “That makes a lot of sense now. she told me to give this to you to give to me when we see each other again” his face flushes slightly as he takes it from your hand “After you leaving me for a month. I never want to lose you again. will you possibly, maybe, marry me?”

   he looked unsure of your answer. “Of course you goof. Gosh, boys are so stupid” you say and hold out your hand. He grabs it and slides the ring on your finger. he gives you the brightest smile “I love you Draco Malfoy”

   “I love you too Y/n Malfoy”

   ‘Waiting here for evermore’

    ♡~🐍~♡

   Kody- 4am, sleep now. scoliosis hurting. Anyways, peace. 

[feed-the-birdss]

The Promise

Author’s Note: I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been active, but life has been so busy, that I took a mini impromptu hiatus. That being said, things are starting to calm down now that I am more used to NYC life, and I am so excited to catch up on everything I’ve missed--especially @petals-to-fish story Fearlessly Red and @blitheringmcgonagall story We Can Be Heroes. Nonetheless, here is something I’ve finally had time to finish today!! I really hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think. I love all kinds of reviews!!

Read it here on fanfic

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn’t mine.

“Daddy?” twelve-year-old Lily asked quietly.

“Yes sweetheart?” responded Mr. Evans not looking up from his newspaper.

“Daddy, you need to promise me, from the bottom of your heart, that you will never let me marry James Potter, and I mean never, can you do that?” declared Lily.

Mr. Evans just chuckled, “Sure thing darling,” he said somewhat absentmindedly as his eyes still moved across the page of his paper.

Lily got up, walked around the kitchen table, and ripped the paper right out of his hands. “Daddy this is serious! PROMISE me, you will never let me marry him. I mean it. It can never happen. If I wanted to marry him, it would mean I’ve gone crazy!!” Mr. Evans stared at his youngest daughter with wide-eyed concern over her absolute resolve. Her bright green eyes, so much like his own, were piercing his soul, begging for his help, and he could never refuse his little girl when she was looking at him like such. “Promise me,” she repeated.

“I promise.”

           As a Gryffindor, James Potter was rarely nervous even though there was plenty in his life he should be nervous about. Fighting in a deadly war with his girlfriend and best friends—easy—the other side were a pack of idiots. Telling Sirius that he damaged his bike snogging Lily up against it and knocking it over—please—that would be more funny than anything. Running around with a werewolf every month as an illegal Animagus—don’t make him laugh—a child could do that—heck—he did it as a child. Disobeying Alastor Moody—if he can handle an angry McGonagall, Moody looks like a teacup pig next to her.

           However, it was one of those rare times that James Potter was nervous. After apparating from his flat, he walked up to a simple looking house in Cokeworth. It was dark out, so he could only just make out the shadows of the perfectly manicured shrubbery out front. Stuffing his wand in his pocket, and using his hand to, once more, attempt to tame his hair a bit more, he held a knuckle up to the door, knocked, and then took a deep breath.  

           You see, there was only one thing in his life that ever made James Potter nervous: Lily Evans. He’d gotten past the nerves for, you know, just generally being in her presence after a year of dating, and this year has made him realize that he always wanted to be in her general presence—for the rest of his life if he could help it. So that’s why he’s here, outside the Evans’ house, with a speech in his head, and butterflies in his stomach. He was going to ask for Mr. and Mrs. Evans’ blessing to marry their youngest daughter.

           After a few agonizingly silent seconds, James heard some shuffling behind the door followed by the knob turning and the door opening to reveal Mr. Evans.

           “James? What are you doing here? Is Lily okay?” Asked Mr. Evans eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

           “Lily’s perfect sir, but she is the reason why I’m here. Would it be alright if I came in to speak to you and Mrs. Evans?” James was surprised with the steadiness of his voice given the fact that the butterflies in his stomach turned to bludgers the second the door opened.

           Mr. Evans’ eyes widened slightly. James was pretty sure he was catching on. “Uh…sure son, let me just find her. Make yourself comfortable in the living room in the meantime.”

           James nodded and made the familiar walk to the living room while Mr. Evans scurried upstairs to find his wife. Sitting down on the plushy floral patterned couch, James tried to control his racing heart by taking deep breaths. He couldn’t help but crave a shot or two of fire whiskey to take the edge off, but Sirius refused to let him even look at alcohol before coming here citing his so-called low tolerance. Sure one shot in the past has made James do and say incredibly stupid things, but at least he was able to do those stupid things without bludgers pummelling around inside his stomach.

           He was starting to wonder if what he was about to do was another stupid thing in the long list of stupid things he’s done in his life. Now he’s back to having the same argument with himself that he’s been having for the last seven weeks—should he be asking for the Evans’ blessing? For one, Lily does what she wants regardless of what anyone else thinks. Two, she does not like aspects of her life being discussed without her. James loves these things about Lily. Her fierce independence is her sexiest quality in his opinion.

However, James also knows that while as much as Lily epitomizes a modern independent woman, she also values tradition. While she would never openly admit it, James knows that Lily loves it when he takes charge of a situation, how he always puts her first, how he’s protective of her, and how he loves to take care of her. She can do all of this for herself by herself, but James’ heart always soars at the small tug at the corner of her lips whenever he does one of those things. So, in that regard, the traditionalist in him, and the secret traditionalist in Lily, can’t help but feel that Lily’s parents, as the people she loves most in the world next to James, would want to be in the know about the biggest question their daughter will be asked in her life.

           Fuck, mentally exasperated James. Lily could still get pissed about this. He then shot up his hand at an attempt to stress-grab his unruly hair, but in the process of grabbing his hair, he knocked over a photo frame standing on the side table next to the couch he was sitting on. Quickly scrambling to right the photo before the Evans’ came down, he picked it up. However, he paused before setting it back down. The photo was of Lily.

           It must have been taken last summer because she doesn’t look much younger than she is now. It was of her curled up with a book under the tree in the Evans’ backyard. Such an image was so familiar to James. He can’t count the number of times he stumbled upon Lily reading a book under the tree by the Black lake when they were still in school. It was like she couldn’t read for pleasure unless she was under a tree given the amount of times he caught her there. With a small smile now gracing his face, James set the photo back on the side table with a steady hand and a calm stomach. Even just a picture of Lily could do that for James.

           At that moment, he could hear the unmistakable soft thuds of socked feet coming down carpeted stairs. Turning his head, he saw Mr. Evans returning with his wife in tow.

           “Hello James, dear. Lovely to see you,” she said kindly giving him a peck on the cheek as she approached him.

           “It’s good to see you too Mrs. Evans,” blushed James in response to her greeting.

           Mr. Evans did not make eye contact with him as he made his way over to the couch across from the one James was sitting on making James more sure that he knew what this was about.

           “What can we do for you sweetheart?” inquired Mrs. Evans with a sweet smile.

           Mr. Evans was still avoiding his eyes and was instead fixated on the carpet, making James’ stomach butterflies slowly begin to flutter again.

           With a deep breath, James spoke, “As much as I respect and cherish Lily’s independence and ability to make her own choices, you are both the two people she loves most in the world…Other than me of course,” James added with a cocky smirk to Mrs. Evans, who chuckled in response to his joke. Mr. Evans was now glaring at the carpet.

           James cleared his throat nervously once he saw that glare, and decided to switch gears back to seriousness and to stay on seriousness, “uhhh…right…now that being said, again Lily makes her own choices about her life, but because she loves you both so much, your opinions about her choices matter to her. So while she doesn’t yet know that this choice is available to her, I want her to know that you both approve of it before I offer her this choice.” Mr. Evans’ glare was only sharpening, so screw the butterflies and the bludgers—a  hoard of angry Hungarian horntails were now taking residence in his stomach.

           James took another deep breath to try and calm his thundering heart which he was quite sure could be heard all the way over in America, “So, with that, I hope I can get your blessings…um from both of you…in asking Lily to marry me,” James sucked in another breath as he finished his statement, and held it as he waited for their response.

           Mrs. Evans responded almost right away, “Oh James! This is so exciting! Of course we would love it if you and Lily got married. I mean, you’re bit a young, but you’ve known each other so long, and you make each other happy.”

           James just smiled back at her with glassy eyes behind his glasses. He didn’t realize how much he needed the approval not just for Lily, but for himself as well until he heard it from her.

           Then his heart stopped as Mr. Evans started speaking—looking James straight in the eye.

           “Darling, please don’t speak for both of us. I’m sorry James, but I’ve made a promise to my daughter, and it is for that reason that you can never have my blessing to marry her.”

           James’ shock was consuming. He knew Mr. Evans wasn’t particularly fond of him, but he believed it was just because he was sleeping with his youngest daughter, not because he actually disapproved of him. Adrenaline started coursing through James’ body, but despite the heart-aching rush that was practically paralyzing him, he responded calmly, “Sir, if this is about you, as her father, promising to protect her, I assure you, that not only would I never get in the way of that, but I will protect her too just as she protects me.” James’ tone became increasingly desperate, ”Please Mr. Evans, I only want to make her happy, and I know I can do just that.”

           “I know, but protecting her is not the promise I am speaking of here.”

           “What promise are you talking about? Don’t let the poor boy suffer for your stubbornness. If you won’t give him your blessing, you better give him a damn good reason,” protested Mrs. Evans.

           Mr. Evans bowed his head, rubbed a hand over his face, and let it out with a heavy sigh, “The summer after Lily’s first year at Hogwarts she begged me to promise her to never let you marry her. No matter what,” he finished in a tired voice.

           James just sat there. The only indication that he gave to show that he had actually heard what Mr. Evans said was that his eyes were as wide as saucers. Is this guy fucking kidding me? James thought to himself. Lily was fucking twelve! If his parents still held things he said when he was twelve against him, he was pretty sure James would have his broomstick destroyed for finally cleaning up his act and becoming head boy.

           Mrs. Evans, however, after her momentary shock at her husband’s admission began to laugh.

           Mr. Evans glared at his wife, “What on earth could be funny to you? This is no laughing matter.”

           The laughing abruptly stopped. Mrs. Evans stared at her husband in utter disbelief. “Please tell me you’re joking,” she practically begged.

           “Of course not! I would never joke about a promise made to either of my daughters!” bellowed Mr. Evans.

           “Not about the promise you daft fool!” yelled back Mrs. Evans, and with that yell, James had never before been so reminded of Lily by another person. Mrs. Evans continued, “Tell me that you’re not actually serious about keeping a promise made to a twelve-year-old.”

           “Again, I would never joke about a promise made to my daughter.”

           “Oh dear lord!” Mrs. Evans exasperated with rolling eyes, “You do realize that if I had known you when I was twelve then I probably would’ve asked my father to promise me to the same thing. And let’s not forget that you once also promised Lily that you would sleep in her closet every night until the monsters went away, but we both know that you snuck away after she fell asleep each night.”

           “Well that’s because the monsters went away by the time I left,” replied Mr. Evans stubbornly.

           “My point still stands darling, you can’t hold the requests of a twelve-year-old against the young man sitting in front of you here today.”

           It was as if Mr. Evans was reminded of James’ presence, as he returned his glare back at the boy that sought to break a promise.

           James took this as his cue to chime in, “If I may sir, I…uuhh…respect your…um…determination on keeping your promise to Lily, but I think…no…I know Lily sees things differently now. Also, we both know that, promise or not, Lily will marry me if she wants to, and I am pretty sure she does otherwise I wouldn’t be asking.”

           “And what makes you think that my daughter, the girl who once claimed that she’d have to have gone crazy to ever want to you, wants to marry you boy?” inquired Mr. Evans menacingly.

           James laughed. That sounded like something Lily would say. He paused before answering the question, thinking carefully about his words. While he knew he didn’t need it, he still wanted Mr. Evans’ blessing. He wanted his future father-in-law to know, that the man that he is today, is worthy, as anyone could ever be, for Lily.

“We’re in love, and there’s a war going on.” James’s shoulders stooped with a heavy sigh at this knowledge, “this war has put everything into perspective for the both of us in terms of what matters most, and that’s each other. You both know Lily,” James smiled fondly, “she doesn’t do anything half-assed. She loves with everything she has, and we’ve both been looking for ways to show that our love for one another is certain when the war has made everything else uncertain, and I believe one way to do that is marriage, and I think she would agree with me there.”

           Mr. Evans’ shoulders too stooped with the heavy burden of war. He looked at the boy who so clearly loved his love his daughter, and thought about his promise to Lily.

When Lily first told him in a letter from Hogwarts just last October that she was dating the infamous James Potter, he spit out his morning coffee in shock much to Petunia’s utter disgust. However, he kept quiet thinking that Lily would come to her senses and remember what she once begged of him. Yet Lily’s genuine feelings for James became harder and harder to deny as the days of then dating him turned from days, to weeks, to months to now a year. Clearly, Lily either didn’t even remember the promise or just simply didn’t care about it. Whenever she spoke about James on the phone or at one of their afternoon teas, her love for James permeated every aspect of her being. She couldn’t contain it if she tried. It was in the way her eyes lit up as she spoke his name, or the way her voice would always have a hint of mirth in it as she told him stories about their time together.

James was right, Lily does love with everything she has. And his Lily wouldn’t love just anyone, it was clear that James had grown up alongside with Lily’s opinion of him. So deep down, Mr. Evans knew the promise was moot early on in their relationship. Nonetheless, like any loving father with a daughter, he stubbornly held on to any somewhat valid excuse he had to stop his little girl from becoming a woman. Lily would be so mad at him if she ever found out about this. As she should, his conscious spat at him.

           Not wanting to disappoint his daughter by denying her something she possibly wants, Mr. Evans looked back up to James with a heavy heart, “You’re a good man James. A better man than the one it seemed you might’ve become given the type of boy you were.” James held his head down as a shameful blush colored his cheeks, “So,” Mr. Evans cleared his throat conspicuously to get James to look him in the eye as he said this, “I guess if Lily’s okay with me breaking the promise, I can make this one exception for her. So you have my blessing, but only if she says yes to marrying you.”

           James just nodded in complete shock with the turn events. To him, it just looked like Mr. Evans went from hating him to grudgingly accepting him all in the span of a few minutes.

           Mrs. Evans, at an attempt to diffuse the lingering tension, clapped her hands in excitement, “Wonderful! How and when are you going to ask James dear?”

_____________________________________________________________________

           “James! You didn’t actually believe him did you!?” Lily barked with absolute mirth in her eyes.

           “He can be so bloody convincing when he wants to! You of all people know that!”

           Lily guffawed. James usually would’ve been annoyed that she was laughing at him, but when she laughed like that, he couldn’t help but laugh with her.

           As soon as Lily’s laughter subsided to the point where she was no longer in danger of laughing off the cliff, she and James continued their walk along the Cliffs of Cornwall hand in hand.

           It was a rare sunny English day, so James suggested that they apparate to Cornwall, just the two of the them, and enjoy a walk together. It reminded Lily of when they first started dating, and they would just walk around the Hogwarts grounds talking, teasing and laughing for hours. It’s how she fell in love with him.

           “Do you think Dumbledore ever trims his beard, or is that tip at the end of it, his virgin stubble from when he was a tween?” questioned Lily seriously.

           James eyebrows scrunched together in thought, “I mean the ends of his beard are quite brittle. So I bet that his virgin stubble…like…crumbled off long ago maybe? Still, I doubt he’s ever trimmed. Grooming doesn’t seem to be high on the man’s list of priorities now, if ever.”

           “See, that’s where I think you’re wrong!” exclaimed Lily. They’d had an argument about whether or not Dumbledore cares about his appearance only too many times before. “Look at the man’s robes James! They’re always so impeccably stylish. I bet Dumbledore takes great pride in his appearance. The man is a Gryffindor after all.”

           “Gryffindor’s pride does not count pride in appearances Evans. Pride is much deeper than such shallow concerns.”

           “Of course it does Potter,” scoffed Lily rolling her eyes up to the beautifully clear blue sky. “You, of all people, are telling me that Gryffindors don’t take pride in their appearance!? James, forget the fact that you’ve lived with Sirius for over seven years, but you used to purposefully mess up your hair to give it that tousled windswept look you used to think was soooo sexy,” declared Lily with a sarcastic tone towards the end of her sentence.

           James put his hand to his heart in mock hurt, “Lily, love of my life, do you mean to tell me that after all these years of me purposefully and artfully messing up my hair, you don’t find it sexy?”

           Lily’s eyes just twinkled back at him teasingly as she smirked at him.

           “I beg to differ. I mean, Hell, you were messing it up yourself in bed just this morning,” argued James. He stopped walking and stopped Lily from walking forward herself by dragging her into his embrace. He then put his forehead against hers. Lily’s breath caught at the closeness, and she leaned further into his embrace, closing her eyes. His warm breath washed over her wind-chilled face as whispered, “Just admit it, you think me messing up my hair is unbearably sexy. You even thought that when you allegedly hated me back in the day.”

           Lily’s eyes opened, and she leaned back slightly to look him in the eye and grin as she replied, “In your dreams Potter. You and I both know that something big would have to happen for me to admit that.” Lily then pecked James’ bewildered face on the lips, and started walking again, “C’mon James, we should probably apparate back soon.”

           “Marry me.”

           Lily then turned around with an expression that mimicked James’ bewildered one from moments ago. She wasn’t sure if what she heard was right. The volume of the blowing wind and wavy ocean could’ve muffled any sound. “What?” She asked James, carefully walking back to where he stood at the edge of the cliff with his hand in his pocket and a look of pure determination on his face.

           It was then when James knelt down on one knee, and lovingly reached for Lily’s left hand to hold in both of his as soon as she reached him.

“Lily, there’s a lot of fucked up shit happening right now, and with this war, not much is certain. But I am certain that I love you, and that you make me happier than anyone ever should be in a war. So, Lily Marie Evans, will you marry me?” He then pulled a small red velvet box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a ring.

           Lily looked from him to the ring with tears in her eyes as she vigorously nodded her head, “Yes!” She screamed into the billowing winds and crashing waves. James chuckled in absolute glee as he shakily slid the ring on her third finger and stood up to pull her in for a celebratory kiss.

           After a few blissful moments of heated kissing, Lily pulled back and breathlessly said, “Also, of course I thought you messing up your hair was sexy. I mean, annoying at times, but still, incredilby sexy,” she laughed.

           “I fucking knew it Evans,” he chuckled before he went back to kissing her.

______________________________________________________________________

           Mr. Evans quickly made his way over to the ringing telephone in the living room, “Hello?” he answered as he picked it up and held it to his ear.

           “Hi Daddy,” replied his youngest daughter.

           “Hello poppet! How are you my love?” he asked.

           “Brilliant actually!” Lily continued, “I would have loved to tell you this in person, but since I have to work all week, and I want you and mum to know as soon as possible, I am settling for over the phone, but James and I are getting married!”

           Mr. Evans sighed. Just as he was about to reply with his reluctant congratulations, Lily cut him off before he could.

           “Also, James told me about what happened when he asked for yours and mums blessing.” She chuckled. “You didn’t really take my request seriously did you? I was honestly shocked you even remembered me asking you that!”

           Mr. Evans spluttered, “Lily you were a very tenacious child; so we were forced to take everything you said seriously. Regardless, any request of my daughter’s is one I would go to any lengths to fulfill. You should know that darling.”

           Lily was still chuckling, “Oh come on dad! You just wanted to give James trouble. While I appreciate you honoring years old requests, I will let you off the hook for any others you may still have up your sleeve. I have learned to settle my own issues by now.”

           Mr. Evans smiled, “Okay, darling. Whatever you say.”

           Lily laughed again.

           “I am happy that you are happy my dear, and I am sure your mother will be thrilled when she gets home. Any thoughts on when you will have the wedding?” He asked.

           Lily’s constant chuckles suddenly ceased making Mr. Evans nervous, “Actually…Daddy?”

           “Yes sweetheart?”

           “I do have one more thing for you to promise, and I will be holding you to this one for sure.”

           Mr. Evans gulped anxiously, “What is it Lily?”

           “Will you promise to walk me down the aisle?”

           He couldn’t stop the tears forming in his eyes, “I promise.”

[sunlightwoo]

You Are The Reason

in which Josh thanks you for being the reason that he is who he is today.

a/n: this lowkey hurt to write but i am whipped happy with how this came out :))) i think this is also my longest one shot that I have ever written on here. 

update: wow 2,235 words im proud of myself-

Reason #1

He wasn’t sure why his heart had been beating so loudly in his chest. You were only cuddling with him like you always had as the both of you had your movie days together, but this time it felt different. It was weird when Joshua suddenly asked you to have a movie night on a Tuesday, rather than your usual Fridays, but who were you to deny it when he offered to buy dinner before you both returned back to his house?

Your head was already on his chest, both of your breathing were in sync as the movie in front of you continued playing on the television. After some time, he looked down to see your eyes already closed, resting on top of him softly as your lips were slightly pouted, but he knew that if he didn’t do what he wanted to do today, then he wouldn’t get another opportunity like it again.

“Y/N?” He softly whispers to your sleepy figure and you hum in response, looking up at him with one eye sleepily opened as he took a deep breath in, ready to spill everything to you from then on, but he couldn’t because of how cute you had looked in his eyes. 

Before he could even confess to you, he felt you lean up just slightly so that your lips were pressed against his softly and he immediately reciprocated the kiss as a small smile played on your lips. It was making his head spin as he started to think about whether you had done so because you were sleepy, or because you had the same feelings that he had in his chest, but you had already spoken up before he could say anything. 

“You had that look in your face when you looked back at me, so I did what neither of us had the balls to do.” You teased giggling a bit lying your head back down onto his chest as he had hugged you closer to his chest, knowing that from then, it was going to be a long journey with you beside him.

But at least he was happy that the confession process wasn’t hard, because you were his best friend that had liked him back, and became his significant other the next day when you both woke up. 

Reason #2

It was in the blur that happened as he watched you take small sips from your cup of coffee in front of the window, watching the little kids in your neighborhood play with one another in the snow. A small smile that was spread on your face was able to be seen from where he was standing, making a smile spread on the corners of his lips as well as he watched you. 

The sight of your fondness for the little children on your block made him feel warm, despite the coldness that you were both feeling this winter. He puts down his pre-made coffee that you made for him before he woke up onto a coaster on the coffee table and quietly walked over to where you were, moving over to embrace you for even more warmth. 

“Whatcha thinking about, in that pretty head of yours?” He teases, his lips coming close to the shell of your earlobe as his arms were slowly wrapping around your waist as he could feel your giggles resonating against him. 

“Good morning to you too,” You smiled while looking over to where he had already been staring at you with a happy smile on his lips before you started teasing him, “Affectionate today, aren’t we?”

“What? I can’t show my girlfriend love anymore? Guess I have to make an ad now, the requirements are having to give good cuddles and be able to make funny raps with me.” He playfully retorts and watches as you moved a it to turn towards him with your eyebrows raised. 

“You lose anyways, Joshua, so there’s no use of finding one. Besides, I was just watching the kids on our block play in the snow.” You snickered and looked back outside to see that they were all having a snowball fight with one another. 

“Do you think we can have kids that are like that one day?” He randomly blurts out and your eyes widened at his words in shock, before he could even process that he actually said it out loud from his thoughts, “Unless-”

“You actually think of us having a future one day, Hong?” You teased while poking his cheek and he smiles softly nodding as he continued on with his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I mean it would have to be in the future when we get married, you know? Like maybe one day we could move out of this small apartment and get a bigger house, have maybe 2 kids and live a happy life. But in the future.” He says blushing a bit that he had already thought it all out as you nodding, not being able to hide the smile on your face at how cute he was being.

“Maybe one day...” You whispered while turning away from him to hide the deep blush that was appearing on your cheeks, but it was no use as he had already started tickling your sides after putting down your cup of coffee. 

He had already known that it was you that he wanted forever with.

Reason #3

This was one of the many days that Joshua would ever be anxious in his life, that is if you say yes to him today. He had planned to propose to you at the playground that you both had met as kids, where he had told you earlier in the day that he wanted to go out with you on a picnic after you were finished working today. 

Agreeing to meet up with him at the park, he had already spent the entire afternoon putting things in place with the help of his other members, making sure that every single detail was absolutely perfect. He wanted it that way because he thought that a perfect person like you should have the perfect proposal. 

The only minor problem was that you had gotten earlier than expected and caught them in the middle of doing it all. Letting out a small sound of his name, he instantly turns around to look at you surprised as you looked at him in shock, not knowing what to say as you read the big words in the tree that were made up of little fairy lights that he had gotten Mingyu to hang up. 

“Y/N, what are you doing here? I thought you were coming by later?” He looks at you in confusion and you shrugged before looking back up between the tree and him simultaneously. 

“I got out early...” You trailed off before walking over towards where he was so that he could hear you clearly, “You planned on proposing today?” 

He wanted to say no, but since he knew that you had already caught him in the process, he could only nod his head in response while taking out the small velvet box that he had in his jacket pocket. A small gasp escapes your lips as you looked at the small ring that was encased in it and locked eyes with him as tears had pricked your eyes already. 

“You already know I’m going to say yes, because I love you, you dork.” You said smiling a bit as you pushed him slightly to the side and a laugh resonated from him while he was already sliding the ring onto your finger as he kissed your knuckles softly. 

“I know, that’s why I saved the speech and instead wanted to ask if you wanted to have another rap battle with me while eating the food Mingyu packed for us.” He smiles softly as you nodded in agreement and placed a small kiss on his lips as he was able to hear the members that were behind him cheering him on. 

“Yes I do, as long as they don’t eat our food.” 

Reason #4

He was nervous throughout the entire day, yet he somehow managed to find excitement in the adrenaline in his veins as well. Today was the day that he was finally marrying you, his best friend, his rock, his entity. Words couldn’t describe how much he had already wanted to marry you, even after the endless months of planning all of what was going to happen in a few moments from then. 

However, by the time that you were already walking down the aisle towards where he was at the alter, he could already feel tears pricking the ends of his eyes as he realized that you were both finally getting married. Even with conjoined hands, he couldn’t help but thank God and fate for allowing him to be lucky enough to marry you, in which he did as you both went on with your vows. 

But before then before you both could, the officiant had asked if there was anybody in the audience that had objected to your marriage, but it was only as a joke as Jeonghan had sprung up from his spot. However, Joshua laughed as you both had come to agreements to adopt a puppy together as a mediator while he thought that you and Jeonghan would be funny co-owners to a small puppy in the future. 

That was until it came time to actually say one another’s vows, in which he had began first since you mentioned that you would cry if you said them first.

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me in this world, Y/N. Thank you for always being with me, whether its between our schedules, or when we have a fight that needs to have communication between us, thank you for never leaving when I was at my lowest. I promise to always continue loving and cherishing you with every single bone in my body, and promise to make sure that whatever may happen in the future, its us that will endure it all. You are my best friend, my partner in crime, my rap battle opponent,” He says laughing a bit through his teary eyes while choking back the last few words of his vows, “But most importantly, you are my soulmate. Thank you for being the reason I am who I am today, and for showing me what it is like to love someone unconditionally. I am in love with you, Y/N Y/L, and I can’t believe that I get to be the honor of being your husband.” 

It wasn’t like the entire audience had been silent because of the fact that it was a ceremony, but mainly because of his heartfelt words that also had you tearing up because he was your soulmate, like you were to him. 

But all he was able to see was you, the light of his life and his now wife that he can finally show off to the world. 

Reason #5

The empty feeling beside him felt foreign as he was blinded by the sunlight that was shining in from your windows. Joshua was confused as to why you had already left the bed without your usual tickle fights or kisses in the morning, but what made him even more suspicious was how quiet the house was, especially at 12 in the afternoon while calling out for your name.

“Y/N?” 

However, his thoughts were immediately answered by the time that he had stopped calling your name as his daughter had suddenly bursted into the room with poppers that had streamers out of them. She instantly ran over to where he had still sitting up and tackled him into a tight embrace, just as he had already started blowing raspberries onto her stomach, her giggles loudly echoing throughout the room. 

“Happy birthday, Daddy!” She cheers, still laughing at his ticklish actions, and kisses his cheek once he had stopped while climbing onto his lap. 

“Thank you, sweetheart, where’s Mommy?” He smiles kissing her head and just right on cue, you had walked in with a cake and a large smile on your face. 

“Surprise- wait, didn’t I tell you to cover his eyes, Jieun?” You laughed softly, watching your daughter already finding solace in her father’s lap while walking over to sit on your bed with the both of them as she shrugs softly. 

“No...” 

Shaking your head softly at your three your old daughter, you looked at your husband with a happy expression and turned on the electronic candle while pecking his lips. A small ‘ew’ was heard from Jieun as you both laughed at her silliness before he had looked between the both of you guys while looking down at his cake. 

“Happy birthday, Joshua. We love you.” You smiled and watched as he pretended to blow out the candle while moving the cake in order to engulf the both of you into a large embrace.

He places a lingering kiss on both of your foreheads and he felt as though he had everything he could ever ask for in the world, while a small sniffle was able to be heard from him.  

“Thank you to my beautiful angels, for being the reason that I am happy for the rest of my life.” 

[holosoftheoldrepublic]

Marriage: Reloaded

(Also available on AO3) 

          Yniuria was the happiest she had been in a long, long time. When she had gone to Ossus to help the Jedi sheltering there, she had not expected to run into Doc again. And despite everything, a small part of her had feared that he had moved on to someone else when the Eternal Empire separated them. To find that he had remained true to her and was still as in love with her as he had been six years ago had gotten her quite emotional.

           She had been sure to reward him quite vigorously after they had returned to Coruscant.

           Curled in his arms after, listening to his rapid heartbeat as it slowly calmed, she felt complete. Being a Jedi, helping others and defending them against the Sith, was all well and good, but one could not live with just duty alone. Or at least, she couldn’t. Having someone to come back to made the pressure easier to deal with. When she was with him, the tension all just melted away.

           Doc bent forward to give her a lazy kiss on the forehead. “I missed that smile,” he murmured, squeezing her gently.

           “Just the smile?” She teased.

           “Your smile, your laugh, the way you feel in my arms, the colour of your eyes, your intensity when you’re facing off against injustice, basically everything, really…”

           Yn laughed and kissed him. “I missed everything, too.”

           “But mostly my rugged good looks, right?” He grinned.

           “Oh, yes, especially that,” she replied seriously, able to keep a straight face for about ten seconds before she started giggling, and Doc couldn’t help but join her in it.

           They lay contented for a while, basking in each other’s company in silence. Life had been so hectic, and with hostilities resuming between the Republic and the Empire, it would continue to be that way, so they cherished the moments of tranquility that they got.

           She realised, lying there, that most of her good memories were tied to Doc. The only other thing that came close was the Jedi Order, but they paled in comparison. While she was still devoted to the Jedi cause, she found herself caring less and less about many of the dogmatic restrictions.

           And she didn’t want to hide what made her happy anymore.

           “Doc?” She said, nudging him.

           “Hmm?” He responded, his eyes closed, possibly half asleep.

           “Let’s get married.”

           Yn watched a ripple of emotions going over his face, settling on confusing as he opened his eyes and gave her a curious look. “You get a bit rattled on Ossus there, beautiful? We’re already married.”

           “By a protocol droid who wiped the ceremony from his databanks,” she said. “And it’s not on any official records which could make things… difficult, legally.”

           He absently stroked her arm, thinking. “So, you want it to be more official?”

           “Yes.”

           “You’re alright with upsetting the Order?”

           “With all the things I’ve done for the Order, I think they can overlook a marriage,” she said. “And if they can’t… well, I’ve decided that some things are more important. I don’t want to hide this anymore.”

           “Considering that we made out in front of several prominent Jedi, I think it’s safe to say our relationship isn’t a secret anymore, beautiful,” he said dryly.

           She stuck her tongue out at him, and he took it as prime opportunity to kiss her deeply.

           The discussion was tabled for a little while.

           “I should propose to you more often,” Yn panted when they were done.

           “How many marriages could we have before it gets too indulgent?” He asked, rolling onto his back with a groan. “I’m out of shape… not as much running around and getting exercise on Ossus, you know…”

           “So, do you want to?” She asked, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m okay if you don’t. We did go through it once already, after all…”

           “If it makes you happy, I’ll do anything,” he grinned. “Well, not anything but you know what I mean…”

           “When I was little, I sometimes imagined getting married,” she said. “Dressed in a pretty white wedding dress, with my friends and family gathered and lots of good food…”

           “Hmm, the wedding dress has a certain appeal,” he said, a far away look in his eyes as he thought up whatever degenerate scenario he had in mind. “Yeah, that would be nice…”

           “Archiban.”

           “It would be nice to bring everyone together,” he said, tactfully moving on. “A celebration will help keep people’s spirits up, what with the war resuming and all…”

           “Good company and good food?” She said, smiling.

           “And maybe with a marriage announcement, Kira will come out of wherever she’s been hiding to yell at me,” Doc said dryly.

           Yn sighed. “I wish I knew where she and Scourge have been hiding…”

           “Sorry I couldn’t keep an eye on them.”

           “They’re their own people, and you all had your own problems to deal with, after all,” she said. “I’m sure we’ll find them again.”

           He gave her a squeeze, smiling. “So, does this mean I need to break the bank to get you a ring?”

           “A black band with a red stone would be nice…”

           “What, no diamonds?”

           Yn made a face.

           “You can get red diamonds, beautiful.”

           “Yeah but… they’re ugly.”

           Doc snorted, then laughed. “Alright, a red stone that isn’t a diamond.”

           “And a black band.”

           “You ever think about expanding your colour palette a little, Yn?” He asked.

           “No.”

           He was useless from laughing for a minute.

           “I’m going to invite all of your ex-girlfriends to the ceremony,” she muttered. “Every single one. I’ll pay for their transportation personally…”

           “Nooo don’t do that,” he laughed, squeezing her again. “I’ll die...”

           “No less than you deserve,” she grumbled. “Making fun of your wife for the colours she likes…”

           “You still want a white wedding dress, though,” he said dryly, poking her nose. “Why not have a red and black wedding dress?”

           “I want the stereotype!” She said, propping her head up on a hand. “A fancy, flowing white dress and sprays of white flowers covering the marriage hall from floor to ceiling…”

           “But a ring with a red stone and a black band.”

           “Well I’ll be wearing it after the wedding, so it needs to match my aesthetic…”

           “I thought Jedi were supposed to be above that sort of thing.”

           “We’re also supposed to be above romantic attachments,” she said, rolling her eyes, “so unless you want me to dump you maybe don’t bring it up.”

           “Aw, don’t even joke about that,” he said, kissing her cheek. “I just found you, why would I want to lose you so quickly? I might have to handcuff us together…”

           “Well, I’d never have to worry about losing you in combat…”

           “So that’s the ring, the dress, and flowers sorted,” he said, ticking them off on his fingers. “What about food? I’m guessing you want a cake.”

           “I want the biggest cake physically possible,” she said, looking absolutely serious.

           “You planning on giving cake to the whole of Coruscant, beautiful?”

           “I want a big impressive wedding to satisfy my younger self, who fantasised about all the things she couldn’t have to make life a little less dreary,” she grumbled.

           “Tell your younger self that we’re not made of money, please.”

           Yn stuck her tongue out at him again.

           “Hmm, tempting, but unfortunately I’m not up to the task yet,” he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

           “You really are a walking hormone,” she giggled. “Aren’t you in your late 30s now?”

           “Shh,” he said, pressing a finger against her lips. “I’m 28 forever, beautiful.”

           “You say that, but I’m pretty sure I see some grey hairs…”

           “You take that back!”

           “Right here, and here, and here…”

           “Weren’t we talking about food for the wedding?” Doc complained. “Why are we talking about my nonexistent grey hairs?”

           She kissed his nose. “Shouldn’t you come up with some ideas? It’s your wedding, too.”

           “I’m not really much of a foodie, love,” he shrugged. “I’ll eat anything put in front of me. Came in handy on Balmorra.”

           “Come on, Doc, you almost got married once before, surely you have some ideas?”

           “If you recall, I ran from that wedding at the speed of light,” he said with a nervous laugh. “I wasn’t really involved in the planning at all… I’d rather not think about how terrible I used to be, if it’s all the same to you…”

           “I’d agree but if you’d married her, we wouldn’t be here now so I can’t help but thank your terrible, younger self.”

           “Thanks,” he said dryly.

           “As for food…” she thought about it. “I’m not sure, most of the foods I like aren’t what you would consider wedding fare.”

           Doc snorted. “It’s your wedding, do whatever you want.”

           “Our wedding,” she said absently. “I do like Selkath food… but I don’t think a lot of people would appreciate a largely fish-based meal…”

           “You could always have things from a bunch of different cultures,” he suggested. “No matter what you do this is gonna be a bit in the public eye, so you could always make it a gesture of unity and togetherness in these dark times.”

           “Why are you pulling politics into our wedding?” Yn complained.

           “You’re a Jedi, everything about you is politics,” he grinned. “Besides, having a whole lot of different food would be fun.”

           “I’ll leave you in charge of catering then,” she said. “You should be involved in some of the planning, after all.”

           “How about music? Can’t be any sort of celebration without music. And decorations, can’t have just flowers… guests… seating arrangements…”

           “For someone who said he wasn’t involved in his own wedding you sure know a lot,” she commented.

           “Hey, I went to a lot of weddings, you know,” he grinned. “Romance in the air, people emboldened with a bit of alcohol… great place to pick up women… Yn, if you roll your eyes any harder, you’re going to break something. Trust me – I’m a doctor!”

           “Is there anyone you want to invite?” She asked.

           “I can think of a few buddies from med school… some people I worked with on Balmorra… lot of people from Ossus…” He said. “I am absolutely not inviting any of my exes.”

           “It’s a shame you haven’t remained good terms with at least one of them,” she sighed. “You should send out apology messages…”

           “I’d be at that for the better part of the decade.”

           “Who will you have as your best man?” She asked, deciding to veer away from subject. “Rusk?”

           “Oh, stars, no,” he grimaced. “I’ll have to think about it.”

           “I would’ve loved to have Kira as my maid of honour,” she sighed wistfully. “I’ll have to ask Sara if she’d be up for it. Did you know that she got married and no one made a fuss about it? How is that fair!”

           “I guess it’s different when you’re a barsent.. bareth… uh…”

           “Barsen’thor.”

           “Yeah that.”

           Yn stretched languidly. “We have time to think about it,” she said. “Time to plan things out, invite people, research things… for now, I think we should get out of bed.”

           “But it’s so comfy,” he complained.

           “Well I’m going to have a shower, and then get breakfast,” she said dryly, slithering out from the covers.

           Doc watched her stand and stretch. “You know, maybe I’ll join you for that shower…”

[septic-heart-and-mind]

“Healing” | “Imprisoned” (JSE Ego Fic) Pt. 9

Another part is here! Prepare yourself for lots of feelies as there’s plenty of them in this chapter! ^-^

Also I recommend @thesepticactress​‘s ego fic, the inspiration for this one, as it is awesome and worth the read! Check it out on her blog! 💚

Marvin’s POV

Dad and I were just sat in silence, the clock seeming to tick loudly as every little sound was amplified by the surrounding quietness. Tears noiselessly ran down my face as I missed Mum, wishing I could have even just one more day with her. One more hour. A minute. Even just a moment. My heavy heart ached more than I’d ever felt before, breaking just like my world fell apart. The pain was nothing like anything I could’ve imagined even in my worst nightmares, and Mum wasn’t even here to take care of me like she always did. Dad and I had been bonding a little, slowly but surely, but he wasn’t Mum - and it was her I desperately wanted. He was patient, though, and he was really making an effort to be there for me; he was doing his best to make up for the time he missed with me, for not being there for me before. At least he was here now when I needed him most. He grieved for her too, clearly regretting walking out on her for someone else; he realised that it was her he loved all along, that he should never have left, and that he wasted years that he could’ve had with her with someone he didn’t really love. Not like he loved her. He couldn’t stop looking at photos of the two of them together, barely blinking as he gazed at her wistfully. As he saw a picture from their wedding, he started to cry uncontrollably. I didn’t usually feel close to him, after the abandonment, but seeing him like this still saddened me; I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to do anything, but I wanted to hug him when I saw how upset he was. I moved a little closer, before nervously leaning on him a little. He put his arm around me as he wept.

“I let you both down, didn’t I?” he sobbed. “I should never have left you… All those years… Wasted….”

“You’re here now, Dad,” I reassured him, “That’s what matters.”

“I wish I’d stayed with you… with her… I’ll never forgive myself…” he wept.

“You didn’t know this would happen,” I responded gently. “

“If I had I never would’ve walked away…” he choked.

“Oh, Dad,” I sighed with sympathy.

“I will never leave you again, okay?” he announced lovingly, looking deeply into my eyes. “You’re my priority now, and I’m gonna be here for you from now on.”

“I love you, Dad,” I told him sincerely.

“You do? After all I did?” he reacted, surprised.

“I didn’t stop loving you,” I explained.

“Oh, son, me too,” he responded affectionately, “I love you, too.” It was then that I couldn’t help but hug him, and he did the same back to me, and it was like we had both put the past behind us. We both now knew too well that life was too short for grudges, for bitterness and anger towards each other, so it was time to forgive and forget. It was what Mum would’ve wanted us to do, and it was what we both needed as there was no way we could deal with this agony on our own.

“We’ve still got a lot of healing to do,” I announced, “And I don’t just mean about Mum.”

“I know,” he understood, “I don’t expect this to be like a movie, that you’ll just forgive me and we’ll live like nothing ever happened. I know I’ve got a lot of making up to do.”

“I certainly won’t ever call your girlfriend ‘Mum’,” I emphasised.

“I would never expect you to,” Dad replied calmly.

“How come you never married her?” I questioned curiously.

“I know why now…” Dad sighed, “Because I don’t really love her… And the one I do love is… gone…”

Chase’s POV

Stacy and I were having the most wonderful time together, even though all we were doing was sitting watching a movie; there was a magical feeling in the air, and my heart sang every time we shared a look or smile. Her hand and mine were like magnets, impossible to keep apart since they were drawn together, and the feeling of her fingers intertwined with mine sent a rush of joy through me in a way that I struggled to describe. It wasn’t like any crush I’d had before, and it almost frightened me how much I liked her; I didn’t know if it was the same for her but it certainly seemed possible from the way she was with me, and this amazed me as well as making me elated. It was hard for me to believe that she even looked twice at me, let alone had any kind of romantic feelings for me. I felt lucky enough when she became my friend, that was incredible enough to me - and I never expected her to like me any more than that. I kept thinking I would wake up, because surely it had to be a beautiful dream, but I never woke because I was in fact living a wonderful experience that I was sure I’d always remember and cherish. We were still watching the movie, when we were interrupted for dinner. Her family didn’t know yet how we felt about each other (unless they had guessed), so I didn’t hold her hand when we sat down at the table even though I wanted to. Her parents were lovely to me, and I felt completely welcome there; when they served up the food, they did mine first because I was the guest, and they politely checked that I had enough. I gratefully responded that I did, and I hoped that I was creating a good impression. I asked if Stacy wanted a drink, and I offered to make one for everyone else too while I was up; they seemed very appreciative when I brought them over to the table. I then sat back down ready to eat, a little nervous as I hoped that her parents liked me.

“Are you sure you’ve got enough there, lovie?” Stacy’s mother asked me kindly.

“Yes, thank you,” I replied with gratitude.

“What did you say your name was?” her father checked, “Charlie, was it?”

“Chase,” I corrected him politely.

“Chase, got it,” he responded with a smile. We quietly began to eat; Stacy and I kept exchanging looks, as we were unable to keep our eyes off each other completely. Sometimes, when I looked at her parents, I thought that they might be figuring out our feelings - but they seemed happy about it, and they didn’t discourage it at all. In fact, they didn’t say anything at first; it was only when I offered to clear up afterwards, when I was out of the room, that they said something to Stacy.

“You like him, don’t you?” her mum smiled.

“Mum!” Stacy hissed, a little embarrassed. “He might hear you!”

“You do, though, don’t you?” she repeated.

“She does, look, she’s blushing,” her dad teased fondly.

“Have you told him?” her mum asked her.

“I have, actually,” she answered cheerfully. “And he likes me, too.”

“Aww, I’m happy for you!” her mum squealed.

“Go on, go help your boyfriend clear up,” her dad suggested endearingly. Stacy sighed happily as she got up from the table, before helping me with the dishes. After we both put some in the dishwasher, our eyes met and we stood there for a moment in blissful quiet.

“Is that what I am, then?” I wondered curiously, smiling at her.

“What?” she responded confusedly.

“Your boyfriend,” I clarified, my heart warm as I spoke those words.

“If you want to be,” she replied excitedly, and then we hugged. Shyly, we kissed again, and then again. We then finished off the dishes, and then I decided that I wanted to see Mum again before going home. Her father kindly offered to drop me off there, and Stacy came with me. Before we left, Stacy gushed to her parents that we were now together, and then I was able to cheer Mum up by telling her that Stacy and I were officially a couple. It made her evening and she was so happy for both of us; I got to see a smile on her face despite being in hospital. And it got better. It turned out that she was doing very well, recovering brilliantly, and she wouldn’t have to stay in hospital too much longer. But I still had to go back home to my belligerent father, and he warned me that I would ‘get it later’. I felt sick with dread, but I tried to hide that as Stacy and her father took me home. Stacy kissed me in the car when I got back so that my dad wouldn’t see us, and then we said goodbye. I hugged her as best I could in the car before getting out, and then I entered the house nervously.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Dad interrogated me within seconds of me coming in the house.

“Anywhere but here,” I snapped back.

“Don’t get smart with me,” Dad demanded. “Where did you go?”

“I told you,” I answered, “I went to see Mum.”

“For all that time?” he questioned me, unconvinced.

“No, I saw a friend, too,” I explained.

“You have friends?” he laughed cruelly.

“Yes,” I stammered.

“Why are you back so late?” he barked.

“It’s only nine,” I pointed out anxiously.

“And you’re not supposed to go out that late,” Dad reminded me angrily.

“I-I’m going to my room-“ I stuttered, but he grabbed me.

“Oh no you don’t!” he yelled, before hitting me over the head. “I’ve still gotta get ya for earlier!” He then started to beat me, before throwing me to the floor and kicking me repeatedly. He seemed rather pleased with himself when I cowered on the floor in fear, pained from his attack. He looked at me with disgust and then he spat on me. “Go upstairs, go on, get away from me,” he ordered abrasively. Shaking, I dragged myself up to my feet before hurrying upstairs and into my room. I closed the door behind me and I threw myself onto my bed. I then decided to text Stacy as I lay on my bed in despair.

Me: Dad beat me again :(

Stacy: I wish I could save you, Chase :( xx

Me: Miss you xx

Stacy: I miss you too. Today was wonderful xx

Me: Yeah it was. So I didn’t mess up that kiss? And you didn’t mind me holding your hand? xx Stacy: No, you didn’t at all. And yes, I loved it. It was a magical day thank you xx

Me: Thank you too, you made me happier than I’ve been in ages xx

I then heard Dad approaching up the stairs, so I put my phone under my pillow so that he wouldn’t quiz me about who I was talking to. He peeked into my room and saw that I was just lying quietly on my bed; he sighed disgustedly, like my existence was an annoyance to him, before leaving and going downstairs again - presumably to drink like he always did. I felt utterly hopeless, tears filling my eyes as I wanted Mum and wished she was here. All this with Dad was even worse now I couldn’t turn to her for comfort afterwards. I almost started to weep, when Stacy replied to my text; seeing her name light up my phone screen lifted me, bringing a little smile to my face. In response to my message, she told me that I had made her really happy too, and my heart swelled with joy and fondness. I said that I was glad to hear it and ended the message with a love heart as well as two kisses, which made me a little nervous as I didn’t know how she would respond; she replied with the same heart and kisses, causing my heart to leap and my smile to broaden. In all the darkness I was in, Stacy shined a light and gave me a little hope. Yet, I could still feel the pain from where I had just been beaten, and I wished that this all would stop. I wished for a way out, a way to end all the fear and hurt - something that I wondered if I would ever find, and had little optimism about it happening.

Jackie’s POV

We had all met up again, Marvin included this time, and we decided to try and work on a new plan to save Chase; there was no way we could just give up, even with how wrong it went last time. We just had to find a way for us to do without his father finding out and outsmarting us. Sat on the floor in my room, I had my notepad ready to scribble ideas down while we talked about what our plan might be. What we needed to do was find a way to get proof of what his dad was doing, without entering the house or being seen, and then we somehow needed to get Chase and his mother out of there to safety. But how could we, a bunch of kids, do that? We thought our plan was foolproof last time, but we all ended up thinking we were going to get killed - and it landed Chase’s mother in hospital. We had to be very careful this time to ensure that nothing like that would happen again, and avoid making this any worse than they already were. It was bad enough that she was in hospital, meaning that Chase was now alone with his father and more unsafe than ever. Time was running out. We had to do something, and fast, before he ended up seriously hurting him - or even killing him. We put nothing past him, nothing seemed too evil for him - not even killing his own son in cold blood. It seemed like we were his only chance of ever escaping, so somehow we had to put our brains together and hope that we came up with something good enough to succeed this time.

“Right, let’s discuss ideas,” I announced, my pen in my hand ready to write.

“How about I stab his dad to death?” Anti uttered a little angrily, showing that he cared about Chase.

“No, Anti,” I sighed, “Knives aren’t the solution to everything.”

“At least I’d be putting that anger to good use,” he muttered.

“I said no, Anti,” I reiterated, and Anti sighed. “Any serious ideas?” There was a silence as everyone started to think hard.

“We could try and film it again,” Marvin suggested.

“One problem,” Robbie pointed out, “Chase’s dad said no police, remember. He might kill us.”

“He can’t kill us from a prison cell, though, can he?” I pointed out.

“But what if he gets to us before the police gets to him?” Robbie asked with concern.

“We’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t,” I responded, feeling unsure about the idea as avoiding this wasn’t guaranteed and, as Robbie mentioned, it was a risk that we didn’t really want to be taking. That risk didn’t go down well last time, and we didn’t want to play a roulette with our lives again.

“We could always go to the police and then stay at the station until they’ve got him,” Seán proposed.

“That’s a good idea, actually,” Marvin responded positively.

“I second that,” Henrik concurred. JJ nodded too in shy agreement.

“We’ve got to get the proof first, though,” I commented, “Hard to do without entering the house.”

“We could do it from the window like before,” Seán put forward.

“Just not on your phone,” Anti scoffed at me.

“Alright, that wasn’t my fault, you know,” I defended.

“There is one issue, though,” Henrik mentioned, “His father may be looking out for us, after our previous attempt. We may be seen when we try to capture the evidence.”

“He’s got a point,” Seán agreed.

“How else are we gonna prove it?” I asked a little frustratedly. No-one seemed to come up with an answer, and again we all went into deep thought to try and find a solution. I decided to pass around my paper and get a pen for everyone so that we could scrawl some thoughts down and try and make sense of this conundrum. We had to solve it somehow, because we couldn’t just leave Chase in the unsafe environment he was in. He needed to be rescued and his father needed to be stopped so that he could never harm anyone ever again - and the world would be a better place with him behind bars where he belonged.

[just-come-baek]

Jingles

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Themes: smut | fluff | christmas!au

Word count: 10.1k

Summary: Jungkook and I work at the Santa Village in the biggest shopping mall in the city. The job’s really shitty; nagging parents with bitchy attitude, screaming, spoiled children, and annoying Christmas songs on the loop. Only his presence is making up for all the hell I’m putting up with.

Warnings: oh boy, Bang PD dressed as Santa, and as for smut, the usual (oral giving, thigh riding, grinding, riding, etc..)

Masterlist

"I swear to God, I'm going to fucking lose it if I hear 'All I Want for Christmas' one more time!" Jungkook snapped as he heard the distinctive music in the background. I couldn't blame him, in all honesty, it began to drive me insane, too; it's the first week of December, everyone was in that vexatious Christmas spirit way too soon! However, we weren't in the position to complain, as we both worked at the Santa Village in the biggest shopping mall in the city.

"Yeah, it seriously plays every three songs." I commented, as we both sat in a vacant booth, placing our trays with junk food on the table. We still had twenty minutes of our well deserved break left, and how much we wished we could escape the bustling sounds of Christmas. "'Last Christmas' is still a blast, though." I added, and Jungkook nodded his head, as he took off his elf's ear and put them into his pocket.

"True, I love George Michael as much as a heterosexual man is capable of loving another man," he agreed, and I almost choked on my coke. I understood what he meant, yet it still made me grin like an idiot. "Three more weeks, am I right?" Jungkook spoke with a deep sigh, and nodded, unwrapping my burger.

"I can't wait, all the kids waiting in the line proved me how much I actually hate them." I remarked, as I took a bite, cherishing the moment of silence with no children in my earshot. I had never been fond of them, yet after working as an elf for almost a week now, my loathing only grew. "Plus, am I the only one who hates being stared at like a fucking animal in a zoo?"

"Don't even get me started, those tights are killing me! They're terribly uncomfortable, and on top of that, yesterday before you came, a bunch of high school girls began checking me out! I even think a few of them snapped some photos!"

"I'm not even surprised," I replied with a nonchalant shrug, as I ate my fries. Jungkook was a possessor of an amazing set of thighs; whenever he wasn't looking, I boldly checked him out, too. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought the same. "Just face the facts, Jungkook, your legs look amazing!"

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm serious."

"And so am I," I fought, and Jungkook just shook his head, not really keen on continuing the argument about his killer legs.

Much to my and Jungkook's relief, we dropped the topic, and focused on our meals. We still had almost five hours of shift ahead of us, and unless we ate something, we wouldn't have enough patience to deal with the loud children.

For strangers, we got along pretty good; since the very beginning, actually, when we both had taken the job at the Santa Village.

Working with Jungkook was amazing, but these annoying kids were a greater disadvantage. Overall, despite enjoying each other's company, we couldn't wait for the Christmas season to end.

"Your hair... is blonde," Jungkook stated, and I nodded my head. With his perplexed expression, he studied my features, and I wondered if he approved the change. Personally, I liked my brown hair better. What did Jungkook think?

Having considered my life, I decided that I needed something different; I needed a change, and admittedly, dyeing my hair was the easiest way to start. Maybe it was silly, but I must've drawn the line between my old and new self.

"Why?" Jungkook inquired, staring at my blonde braids. He didn't like it? Objectively, it couldn't be that bad, he just had to get used to it.

"Why, why? You don't like it?" I asked, curling the ends with my fingers subconsciously.

"No, it's not it, you just look different. Unless that elf costume, I wouldn't have recognised you." Jungkook explained, and I still didn't know whether he approved my new look, or not.

"Oh, thanks, I guess," I replied vaguely, unable to decipher a compliment from his previous statement. "I just started my new year's resolutions a bit early."

"And dyeing your hair was one of them?" He asked, semi-intrigued by my mindset. "What else you have in mind?"

"You know... the usual: find a boyfriend, eat healthy, study more, nag less." I listed, counting the resolutions on my fingers while Jungkook was attentively listening.

"You should add 'better anger management' to that list, I saw the wrath in your eyes when you tried to refrain yourself from snapping that kid's neck yesterday. What did she do again?"

"Pardon me, but my wrath was fully justified, that little girl threw up on my shoes. Not only they have these annoying bells attached to them, but right now, they also smell of vomit!" I defended myself, whereas Jungkook laughed at my argument. This little fucker had no idea how embarrassing it was, and at this point, I didn't know who I hated more, the girl who actually threw up on me, or Jungkook who had a bit too much fun mocking me. Either way, I seriously began considering killing one of whom.

"Of course," he said in a poor attempt to calm me down and switch to my side of the conflict. We weren't enemies, but if Jungkook was going to keep acting like that, I wasn't so sure. "It's a shitty job, but at least you made my day a little bit brighter."

"Asshole," I spoke, rolling my eyes at him. It was a terrible memory, still vivid, and he just had to rub it in my face, making sure that I never forget that.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, my eyebrows cocked up, as I glanced at Jungkook from head to toe. He still resembled his normal self, but his state was awful; huge bags under his eyes, hair tousled, one button of his elf's jacket skipped, overall, making him look quite scruffy. Without any doubt, he had had a rough night. Frankly, despite him looking like something a cat dragged in, I still wondered how could he still be so attractive?

"My girlfriend dumped me yesterday, and I called out my friends for a round of drinks." Jungkook said casually, sending me a faint smile, as if trying to convince me that he was fine, which, he obviously wasn't. He didn't seem eager to talk about it, and I didn't want to push him into something he had no intentions of doing. Besides, we weren't even that close, we've known each other mere two weeks or so. "I guess we got a bit carried away with our drinks."

"No shit," I admitted, looking around for kids, making sure that young children or their parents didn't hear me curse. It wouldn't be the first time when an angry mother snapped at us for using inappropriate vocabulary, resulting in getting us scolded by the manager. "You look pale, why haven't you called in sick? It'd be tough, but we would manage with only one elf, you know..."

"Please, it's not my first time getting drunk. I can handle my drinks, don't worry," Jungkook replied with a nonchalant wave of his hand. Physically, he could sound alright, but he had broken up with his girlfriend, he just had to be lying, or simply didn't care about her as much as I previously assumed. "Besides, do I look like I'm in bits? No, so stop looking at me as if I'm a beaten puppy because I'm fine."

"You keep saying that you're fine, but I actually doubt it," I insisted, and Jungkook rolled his eyes at me, as he placed his hand on the small of my back, leading me to the Santa Village since our shift began five minutes ago. "No one is getting over as quickly as you, Jungkook."

"What can I say? She pissed me off." Jungkook started, even though I didn't ask him for elaboration. "Actually, we kind of fought because of you. I was telling her about that accident with vomit, and somehow she read into it that I'm sleeping with you."

"Seriously?" Jungkook's girlfriend thought that I was a threat? Not possible, that idea was ridiculous. How had she jumped to that conclusion? "Do you want me to talk to her and explain everything?" I proposed, although I didn't want to interfere in their relationship. However, on the other hand, one could think that I've already done enough damage. I could try helping them console, albeit I didn't know Jungkook that well. We were just colleagues, but if his girlfriend thought that I could ruin their relationship, I might as well make a little sacrifice and fix what I supposedly wrecked.

"I don't think it's necessary," Jungkook shrugged, dismissively waving his arm, "she showed me her true colors, and I don't really want to be with anyone who has so little faith in me. Thank God, I got out of this relationship before I caught some serious feelings for her."

"That's one way of coping," I teased, and Jungkook heaved a sigh, shaking his head from side to side.

"There's nothing to cope with," he insisted stubbornly, whereas I just rolled my eyes, not fond of his nonchalant attitude. He was struggling with a lot of drama, being upset was a natural reaction, and I'd never judge him, or accuse of being a crybaby. I had no idea why he strived so much to maintain his masculine appearance, as no one would think lower of him for shedding a tear or two after his ex. "Can we just get back to work?"

At nine o'clock in the evening sharp, I left the shopping mall. It had been a rough day at work; the Christmas was approaching, more and more kids were visiting the Santa Village everyday. Jungkook and I had plenty of work in our hands, and the moment when we finally could leave the shopping centre was a real blessing; no more crying children, no more complaining parents with bitchy attitude, no more festive songs.

With a deep sigh, I pushed the doors open and looked at the sky in utter amazement; for the first time that season, it was snowing. Fluffy flakes of snow were flying around the pitch-black firmament and blurred, colorful lights of Christmas decorations. I was in awe, simply enchanted by the night's beauty, even though for almost two weeks, I had been complaining about the festive atmosphere.

The first snow was breathtakingly marvelous, and I didn't even notice when I abruptly stopped in front of the shopping mall to admire the view in front of my eyes. Of course until Jungkook almost knocked me down when he bumped into me, as he was too engrossed in the music in his earphones to study his surroundings.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking," Jungkook apologised, sending me a genuine, apologetic smile. "Hey, it's snowing," he stated matter-of-factly, as he extended his arm, watching as a couple of tiny snowflakes landed on his palm only to melt a moment later.

"It's beautiful, but realistically speaking, it means we're gonna have to deal with at least twice as many kids than before." I grumbled, but I didn't expect Jungkook to pay attention to whatever I was saying, as he still didn't get over the fact that it actually snowed.

"Try thinking optimistically, maybe we'll get snowed in and they'll give us a day off," Jungkook commented, his head still cocked upwards, as he admired the slow dance of snowflakes.

"Yeah, right," I snorted, as Jungkook's concept was so unrealistic that I'd rather believe that Bang Sihyuk, the Santa at our mall, is a legitimate Santa on the legitimate North Pole. So yeah, complete bullshit. "They'd skin us alive if we ditched."

"Are you kidding me? The manager almost broke my neck when I didn't laugh at that fat kid's joke." Jungkook remarked, and I laughed, as I replayed the situation in my head. "But I was wondering... what are you up to?"

"You mean like now?" I asked, and Jungkook nodded his head, attentively staring at me. "I don't know... nothing? I just wanted to head back home and sleep. These kids have really tired me out today. How do their parents even put up with them the whole time? I want to die when I see them only eight hours a day."

"Yeah, same," Jungkook agreed, smiling at me sheepishly, "do you want to grab a beer with me? I heard that chilling with grownups can have some healing properties," he proposed, and I looked at him, as I thought about my answer. It'd be fun to go out with Jungkook, a pint of beer was exactly what I needed after a stressful day at work, but on the other hand, my legs were killing me; every step was a torture, almost as if I was walking on embers barefoot.

"Is it scientifically proven?" I asked, and Jungkook smiled at me brightly. Even if I had doubts, they'd be gone by now, washed away by his beautiful smile that practically could convince anyone into anything.

"Come on, it will be fun! We never hang out after work. Please, the first round is on me," he urged, and I grinned at him, giving away my response.

Yeah, although our interaction was purely, entirely platonic, oh boy, this kid had me whipped.

"Could you stop gawking at me like a creep? It's not really comfortable," I mused, reprimanding Jungkook for his intense stare which seriously made me wonder if I had something on my face or between my teeth.

"Sorry, it's just that I can't get used to seeing you without your elf costume. It's weird when you don't have freckles and pointy ears." Jungkook explained, and I rolled my eyes at his dull answer; what did he expect? That I never get change out of that terrible outfit? How stupid of him. "I mean... it's not that you're ugly, you're not. You're really pretty. Seriously. I just need some time to accustom myself to that look. That's all, don't look too much into it, either. You know what I mean, right?"

"I think I do, though it's quite difficult to get anything out of that incomprehensible jibber-jabber." I admitted, as I reached for my glass of beer, taking a small sip. The beer's taste wasn't particularly my favorite, but in times of need, that's exactly what helped me tend my problems.

For a brief moment, Jungkook and I sat quietly way too exhausted after the horrible day at work, and frankly, neither of us seemed to mind.

"This bar is going to be my favorite place on the planet, they serve great beer, everything is rather cheap, the music is totally my style, but most importantly, kids are not allowed in here." Jungkook stated, as he looked around the bar with a pleased smile upon his face.

"It's like a dream," I added, sounding rather melancholic, almost as if Jungkook's description of the bar helped me realise that's precisely what I yearned, too. No screams nor cries of dirty kids and a pint of chilled beer; having worked at the Santa Village for the past two weeks learnt me to enjoy the little things—the current situation was incredibly basic but it felt like heaven on Earth.

"Who knows? Maybe they're hiring, you should talk to the manager first thing after Christmas. You can't just leave me alone in the Santa Village." I proposed, interjecting a hurtful joke. Really, the Santa Village is an equivalent of hell, (if not far worse), and I simply wouldn't survive without Jungkook's company.

"Don't worry, I am not going anywhere." Jungkook replied sweetly, and I smiled at him, overjoyed by the fact that he had no intentions of abandoning me in that hellhole. If only he dared, I'd hunt him down and teach him a lesson in the most painful way possible. "But working here is pretty tempting. Maybe I'll try."

"You really should. If you handle the kids, I'm sure you'll be fine with a bunch of drinks."

"What about you? What are you going to do after Christmas?" Jungkook inquired, genuinely interested.

"I'm not sure, I took this job because I thought it'd be easy, but actually it sucks the life out of me." I admitted truthfully, making Jungkook laugh. His nose was scrunched, his big teeth showing, and I couldn't help but admire his great looks. "Right now, I think money is not that important. I'd rather laze around doing nothing."

"I'm so envious right now." Jungkook spoke through his wide smile, reaching for a bowl of peanuts, "unfortunately, I need to have a job, otherwise I wouldn't be able to pay the rent, and guys wouldn't even hesitate to kick me out."

"I guess I have to wait a bit more to be independent," I chimed, raising my glass of beer, chugging it down.

"Don't worry, it's not that fine," Jungkook reassured, sensing that I awkwardly stiffened. "In my case, I needed to get out of my house, my mother tends to be ridiculously overprotective and just plain toe-curling."

"Yeah, my parents are cool, they barely notice I still live there actually," I jested, and once again, Jungkook laughed. Boy, he really wasn't difficult to amuse.

"We should go," I mentioned, as I looked at the time; it was already late, and if I didn't leave right now, I'd miss the last day bus. "Don't forget we have work tomorrow," I added, heaving a sigh. Neither of us really looked forward to it, but we just couldn't ditch. Besides, kids are more (not much) tolerable when you're not hungover. They're still annoying as fuck, draining all your energy, but at least, you don't have to fight the urge to throw up.

"Yeah, you're right, I shall walk you to your bus stop," Jungkook agreed, although not willingly, as he jumped off the tall stool to get our coats. "Here," he handed me my coat, and I quickly put it on, since I was in a rush. "Hey, look," Jungkook mused, and I turned around to look at him, only to glance at what he was pointing at, which, much to my bewilderment, happened to be the fucking mistletoe.

"Are you guys leaving already?" The bartender asked, staring at us. At this point, I barely apprehended his voice, let alone the actual words he was saying. My throat was dry, and my mind shut off. Jungkook and I were standing right under the mistletoe; he wasn't thinking what I was thinking, was he? If he didn't, he would step away, wouldn't he? Jungkook just got out of a relationship, it'd be weird if he was back in the game already. Moreover, if he thought I'd be his rebound, I'd have to smack him across his beautiful face which was the last thing I wanted to do.

Or maybe, I was completely mistaken, and he was just pulling a cruel joke on me. It'd be awful, yet it still was a possible option.

"We have that discount for couples," the bartender carried on, and I hoped that Jungkook was listening to him, because my voice inside of my head was loud enough to muffle all the white noise that surrounded us, "it's actually buy one get one free kind of thing, you just gotta kiss under the mistletoe and we take a picture which goes to the wall over there," he explained, and Jungkook turned his head to the right direction, squinting his eyes, studying the pictures.

"What do you say?" Jungkook asked, as he looked down at me in the eyes. "You're not a real college student if you say no," he added with a teasing smile, almost as if challenging me into giving him a kiss. So basically, he wasn't into me, he just wanted a half-priced booze. How silly of me to overthink that!

Jungkook waited for my reply, and I had no idea what to say. It was really late and I was already tipsy. If I didn't leave immediately, I'd have to wait for an hour for another bus. For entirely economic purposes, Jungkook was down for it, and my mindset ought to have been the same. It wouldn't mean anything, and the exchange seemed fair; one kiss for a free drink.

"You don't have to ask," I said, and Jungkook smirked down at me, slowly leaning forward. Gently, he placed his hands on my waist, as he pulled me closer, and I licked my lips in anticipation. I liked kissing, and it'd be a lie if I said that I had never imagined kissing Jungkook. When acting smug, he bit his lips way too often for my mind to not stir many thoughts about it.

The second I felt Jungkook's breath on my mouth, I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to finally capture mine. On the back of my mind, I was wondering if he had his eyes shut, too. Mainly, however, I contemplated how soft his lips were going to feel against mine.

Instinctively, I put my hands on his shoulders, entwining my fingers behind his neck. He was just an inch away, and my heart was beating rapidly in my chest, even though it shouldn't be reacting this way. It was a simple kiss; the romantic atmosphere was there, but along with any inappropriate feelings, it had to be ignored, wiped under the rug, and forgotten, because it was definitely not happening under different circumstances.

Finally, Jungkook's lips brushed gently against mine, and despite its utter innocent and delicacy, I almost moaned into his mouth. Jungkook parted his lips, and I mirrored his action, deepening the kiss within a couple of seconds. Our tongues moved together gently, as we slowly both began to lose our minds. The kiss didn't mean anything, but we still decided to enjoy it, and it was fucking amazing. If Jungkook kissed like that for a free glass of beer, I could only imagine how it would feel like if he was kissing me for real.

Jungkook titled his head to the side, changing the angle, yet trying his best not to break the kiss. I had way too much fun right now, and if we were about to pull away, it had to be Jungkook, but judging by his firm grip on my sides, he relished it as much as I did. Suddenly, I heard a silent whimper, and at this point, I had no idea whether it was me or Jungkook. Actually, we were both way too caught up in the moment to care about it anyway.

"You two look cute together," the bartender mused, as he looked at the picture he had taken of us making out. "here's your beer," he added, as he placed two glasses of cold beer on the counter where he previously sat, "and if you want the picture, come tomorrow."

"Now we just have to stay."

The next day, everything came back to normal. Or at least, my relations with Jungkook came back to normal, quite contrary to the situation in the Santa Village. The Christmas was just around the corner, and the shopping mall's manager really outdid himself this time, viz., he hired a living reindeer to, a quote, create a magical atmosphere that will bring joy and festive Christmas spirit to everyone.

One thing was sure, that new improvement didn't bring much joy to Jungkook, as he was the one who had to clean up the mess after the furry animal.

"How are you there?" I asked, my tone drenched with mockery, as I smiled widely at Jungkook, who was gently petting the reindeer, making sure it wasn't going to accidentally kick any children. "Kids seem to love our new mascot," I added, as I leaned against the fence, staring at Jungkook.

"That's because they don't have to take care of its feces," Jungkook snorted, and I smiled at him, hoping he wasn't going to do anything stupid like quitting that job and leaving me alone.

"Obviously," I chimed, although I knew it wasn't going to make him feel any better. The job reached another level of its shittiness, quite literally, and it was dangerous to crack jokes about it, especially when I was the first one to take over his position if he actually dropped out. "You poor little thing."

"Stop it, you're starting to piss me off," Jungkook groaned, annoyed with my attitude.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself," I started, trying to signalize him that it was my payback for his teasing when I had been thrown up on. "I'm going to the restaurant zone, do you want me to grab you something?" I asked, as I watched Jungkook who was giving a snack to a tiny girl, so she could feed the reindeer.

"Just get me the usual," Jungkook spoke casually, not looking at me, as he picked up the girl, allowing her to pet the animal's head. "You're a real life saver."

"Don't mention it, I'll be right back."

It was like fifteen minutes until closing, and exceptionally we weren't surrounded by bratty kids like it happened regularly; some busy parents could shop to the very end, pissing off the impatient shop assistants who really want to close up and go home.

"I have a brilliant idea," I spoke, obtaining Jungkook's attention, whereas Mr. Bang was engrossed in his phone, probably sexting with his wife. (Confirmed info! Jungkook and I might or might not have caught him a couple of times.)

"Shoot."

"I want a picture with Santa," I announced enthusiastically, and Jungkook cringed, not seeing the brilliance in my idea. "What?"

"Nothing," he chimed dismissively.

"Hey, don't look at me like that!" I whined, trying to ignore his attitude. As a kid, I had never hung out with Santa, right now, the timing was just as good. And if Jungkook really wanted to judge me, I just had to ignore him because I definitely wasn't going to give up on that under his contemptuous stare.

"Like what?" he asked obliviously.

"Don't make me say that," I warned him, searching for my phone. "And stop smiling like that or I'm seriously going to punch you."

Without further commentaries, I turned on my camera and handed my phone to Jungkook who started complaining about second-hand embarrassment under his breath. For all I cared, he could be nagging as much as he wanted because, deep down, he wanted a picture with Santa, too.

"Hey, what do you think about a picture with your favorite elf?" I asked cutely, and Jungkook almost puked due to all sweetness that the tone of my voice was laced with. Normally, I didn't sound like that at all, yet right now, I wanted to achieve something and no method was foreign to me. If high-pitched, honeyed articulation was to convince Mr. Bang, then the high-pitched, honeyed articulation it was.

"What?" Mr. Bang asked, stretching his temple, almost as if he thought he heard me wrongly. With a wide smile attached to my face, I made a beeline for the Santa's throne. By the time I approached him, he must've processed what I asked him of, and he, confused as hell, looked at Jungkook with one eyebrow cocked upwards, "Jungkook, is she serious right now?"

"Of course, I am serious!" I hollered before Jungkook managed to say anything. "Is there going to be a problem?"

Mr. Bang was speechless, as if no adults had ever requested a picture with him. I was certain it wasn't the weirdest request he had been asked in his career, and it baffled me how he and Jungkook behaved almost as if it was an issue.

"Okay, hop on," Mr. Bang spoke, heaving a deep sigh. Quickly, I sat on his lap, and turned my head towards Jungkook, posing for the picture. From the looks of it, Jungkook felt quite uncomfortable, although he just stood like three meters away from the scene.

"Ugh, it's all done," Jungkook announced, as he put down my phone, sending me an awkward smile of relief.

"Your turn," I beamed at him, and he looked stunned; his body stiff, his eyes almost popping out of its sockets.

"Forget it," he replied when he came back to his senses, but I approached him and pushed him toward Mr. Bang.

"Just one picture, don't sulk like that." I ordered him bossily, and although he wasn't obligated to listen to me, Jungkook complied. Well... not exactly how I wanted him to, but a 'masculine handshake with Santa' pose would have to suffice. I should've seen it coming, though; Jungkook was extra regardless of what he was doing, so why this time should be any different? "Okay, I got it, it wasn't that bad now, was it?"

"If that picture ends online, I swear I am going to strangle you," Jungkook menaced, and I just waved my hand dismissively, completely disregarding his threat, as I opened the gallery and zoomed the photo, giggling at their ridiculous expressions.

"Do you even realize how many family photo albums we're going to be in? That one amazing photo is just a drop in the bucket." I stated nonchalantly, as I once again opened the camera app. "We should also take a selfie. All three," I added, smiling sheepishly, and Jungkook and Mr. Bang rolled their eyes that I almost heard that. Swiftly, I ran up to them, and took a place in the middle, as I handed Jungkook my phone. He had longer arms, after all, he could prove himself useful.

Once our little photo shoot was over, Mr. Bang elbowed Jungkook slightly to obtain his attention, "is she always that crazy?"

Shrugging, Jungkook answered, "I guess so."

"Hey! That's mean!" I protested, but they outwardly scorned my objection.

"Oh, and I've been meaning to ask you," Mr. Bang looked at me, and then shifted his gaze to Jungkook, "I have a little gig on Christmas and I need a helper. Do any of you want to make some extra money?" He asked, and Jungkook and I exchanged glances. Frankly, we both were sick and tired of this job, and I highly doubted that either of whom would accept Mr. Bang's proposition. Besides, I was certain that we were still working here because we supported each other daily. Without Jungkook to fool around during our breaks, I'd quit. Also, it had to be exactly the same on Jungkook's part.

"Sorry, but we're kind of a package deal." Jungkook replied, and I laughed at his accurate choice of words.

Today's Christmas Eve, and it's seriously the busiest day so far; the number of shoppers at least tripled, and I was utterly surprised that so many people shopped for presents the very last minute. And of course, when moms are engaged in seeking the latest edition of the same Barbie doll with a different outfit or another toy car or whatever parents are buying their children, the Santa Village is packed with these bratty Satan's spawns.

Thankfully, the shopping mall is being closed at seven. Considering the hordes of people who roam around the centre, I'd definitely not survive until the normal closing time.

"So how are you spending your Christmas?" Jungkook asked when the kids seemed to take a minute of break from trying to kill each other.

"First of all, I'm gonna find that bastard who's stolen my shoe," I stated angrily, as I looked around the Santa Village for the thief. What's wrong with these children? Can't they just behave for a while? Is it too much to ask? "I don't understand... why would anyone do that? It reeks of vomit for crying out loud!"

"Yeah, nowadays kids are really stupid," Jungkook agreed, sending me a faint smile before he made a beeline to a kid who just ripped a plastic candy from the Christmas tree and popped it in her mouth. "It could be worse, though."

"Doubt it."

"Seriously, not even an hour ago, maybe a five year old boy tried to bite off my finger! Apparently, his parents told him that elves are made out of candy. Can you believe that? I almost become a cripple!" Jungkook complained loudly, and I giggled at him when he exaggerated. Unfortunately, our digression didn't last long, as another kid started to throw candy at the children waiting in the queue, making three of whom burst into tears. "I swear to God, children under twelve years old should be put on a fucking leash!" Jungkook's words were harsh, but given how much I had seen during my work in the Santa Village, I couldn't disagree. He had a point.

"One hour left," I sighed, as I read from my phone. Our shift was almost over, and I just couldn't wait to change out of that costume and lock myself away from anyone under eighteen years old. If I had to work for one day longer, I'd surely go crazy—a glimpse of a child in my sight range makes me gag.

"I think I found your shoe," Jungkook stated, as he walked up to me, "not sure if you still want it, though. Some kid must've thrown it over the reindeer fence, and, to put it nicely, the smell of vomit should be your last concern."

"Nasty," I commented with distaste, as I stared at the children. At this time of a day, there were fifteen of them tops. When compared to the situation in the afternoon, it felt relatively tranquil.

"So what are your plans for today?" Jungkook asked, as he plopped down onto the gingerbread bench.

I creased my eyebrows in confusion; why the hell was he asking me this? Wasn't it obvious? Was he going to spend the Christmas Eve alone?

"The same as every year, I'm going to fight with my family about who's decorating the Christmas tree, and then, I'm going to lose and do what I hate so much while giving them the attitude that will drive them insane. And later, we'll pretend that none of this has happened, and we'll enjoy the delicious food. What about you?"

"My family goes to my aunt's for Christmas Eve. I'll be joining them on the 25th, but as in for today, I guess I'll stay at my apartment and watch 'Home Alone' or something." Jungkook spoke, smiling all the time, yet it was obvious, he didn't look forward to his plans. They sucked. Mine weren't much different, but at least, I wasn't going to be alone. One could say that I even pitied him; however, not to the extend of inviting him over to my house. That was a bit too extreme, we barely knew each other. Moreover, I wasn't going to willingly put myself under a shit tone of teasing that my parents, without any doubt, would pull.

"That sucks," I replied after a while. I'm terrible at cheering up people; the right words seemed to never come to my mind when I needed it. "But hey, our shift ends at 7p.m., and the ice rink is running until 9, what do you say? It's not like I want to get yelled at for unenthusiastically decorating the Christmas tree. I can be a little late."

"I'm not sure, you don't have to do this. I'm a big boy, I can handle a little bit of solitude."

"Yeah, right, how about you stop acting like a macho and just comply? It's not a sacrifice on my side, I'm not that eager to go home. They can't force me into doing anything if I'm not there, right?"

"Who's acting?" Jungkook yelled at me, obviously offended. Although reading people wasn't my forte, it was apparent that he was a softie. Regardless of how ardently he was going to insist, I wouldn't be fooled. "I'm not acting nor pretending, it's just how I roll. And since you're dying to hang out with me, I assume I just can't leave you alone on Christmas."

"Of course."

The moment the last kid whispered its wish to the Santa, Jungkook and I fled the Santa Village, changing out of our elf costumes in a record time. The departure from that terrible place felt far more liberating that leaving school on the very first day of vacation, more unbinding than taking off the chains which were dragging you down. Now, when the horrendous labor was finally over, we just had to wait for the paycheck.

Within nine minutes I was ready, already at the doors, exiting the building. Instantly, when I stepped out, the blows of cold wind hit my face, making me regret leaving the confines of warmth. Why had I even proposed that? I hated everything that was just remotely chilly. Furthermore, I barely knew to skate. It was a terrible idea, and now, when to think of it, I'd rather decorate two Christmas trees.

"Took you long enough," Jungkook commented, as he approached me with tickets and a pair of blades in his hands, "I didn't know your size, so I didn't take a pair for you. Be quick." Waving his hand, he urged me, and I quickly ran up to the booth with ice skates. As soon as I paid, the woman reached for a pair for me, and I blew on my hands which already were cold. The temperature was oscillating around 0 Celsius degrees; the snowflakes that danced around the sky melting right after they landed on the ground.

When I changed my footwear, Jungkook was already waiting for me beside the entrance. Quite clumsily, I wobbled up to him, fully aware of my poor performance. Hopefully, I'd slide the ice with more grace and elegance.

"Have you ever skated before?" Jungkook inquired, his eyebrow cocked as he watched my uncoordinated steps. Blowing the hair off my face, I looked into his eyes, trying to come up with a witty comment, yet before I managed to speak, Jungkook interjected, "don't worry that much. If you ever feel like falling, make sure to do that in my direction, I'll catch you."

"I've skated once or twice, but my limited experience doesn't mean anything. I'm a natural athlete, I shall be fine."

"Sure thing, sweetheart," Jungkook mused as he opened the wicket, allowing me to enter the ice rink first, and I almost fell on the ice face first when the pet name he used rung in my ears. How the hell that happened? He had never called me that; not even once. Not even after the kiss we had shared. Why now? I had already got over the fact that it was meaningless and nothing was going to stem from that, so why he decided to confuse me?

"Should we race?" Jungkook inquired, and I vigorously shook my head; I wasn't going to return home with bruises all over my skin. Besides, it wasn't reckless only for us, plenty of other people skated around us, and I had no intentions of knocking anyone down. Especially, these disgustingly lovey-dovey couples.

"Maybe later, when I warm up, my skills are pretty rusty," I replied politely, so Jungkook wouldn't think that complaining was all I could do properly. True, I was a bit envious, but my crush on Jungkook was kept in check. It was beyond obvious it would go away as soon as we stopped working together, no longer seeing each other practically every day.

The Christmas music was blasting through speakers, and everyone glided across the ice, trying to synchronize one's moves with the festive rhythm. For me, it was quite difficult, but once I got used to the slippery surface under my blades, I rocked on the ice, and if Jungkook wasn't racing before me, his jaw would definitely drop upon seeing me skate.

"Why is everything so easy with you?" Jungkook asked suddenly, as he slowed down to match his pace with mine.

"Must be because of my extremely low expectations," I deadpanned flatly, and Jungkook smiled genuinely at my gloomy response.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jungkook barked in defence, as he glared at me, almost offended.

"What do you think it means?" I shot him a question, and skated away, but Jungkook caught up with me before I managed to distance myself from him. Quickly, his hand grabbed mine, and he dragged me along with him, his speed too fast for my liking. "I'm just that kind of a friend whom you can disappoint as much as you please, and I still stick with you. You're lucky, Jungkook. I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. Also, I have a mentality of a seventeen-year-old boy."

"I don't doubt it," he added cheekily, as he released my hand, giggling when I waved my arms, trying to regain balance.

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Doesn't matter, you're gonna stick around anyway," he spoke, repeating my previous statement in an attempt to piss me off. Nice try, Jungkook, I thought, smirking. Was he testing me? I didn't lie to him, and if he purposely tried to push me away, he'd have to step up his game. "Careful there, we're changing the direction," Jungkook hooked his arm under mine and he helped me turn around, as people now were skating the other way.

"Thanks."

"It's nothing, I got you." Jungkook confessed with a shy smile, and I, despite the blowing wind and low temperature, almost melted. He was just too sweet. "Thank you for staying with me. I really appreciate that."

"It's no big deal, you seriously saved me from housework. And if you should know one thing about me, I absolutely hate doing housework which means that you've actually done me a favour. We're even." I stated casually, and Jungkook stared at me as if I had something on my face. Again. Slowly, it became to be his thing, and frankly, it crept me out a little.

"No, I owe you, what do you say about some eggnog, huh?"

"Why not?"

The task was way more difficult than we originally thought; we checked every liquor store on the way to Jungkook's apartment, and it was either closed, or our desirable beverage was sold out. Upon entering our last shop, which was literally in the basement of Jungkook's building, we lost our hope; apparently we weren't fated to have a drink together.

Jungkook was lucky that I wasn't fastidious about my alcohol; as long as he wasn't forcing Bianco wine down my throat, I was going to be fine.

Having informed him about my preference, he turned to the cashier, and I fished out my phone to write a quick text message to my brother so he would tell my parents not to wait for me because I should be back home much later than I had told them in the morning.

"Okay, let's go," Jungkook spoke, as he smiled at me, showing me the purchase. Sweet red wine was a great choice, could he ever disappoint me? Highly unlikely.

His apartment was quite cosy; three men were living here, but it was decorated elegantly, the female's touch much visible. I had expected a man cave, yet I was pleasantly surprised when I saw a fluffy cushions on the couch and a fancy mirror with many ornaments in the hallway.

"Make yourself comfortable," Jungkook said, as he threw his keys in a bowl and kicked the shoes off his feet. "Sorry about the mess, I didn't expect any guests. If I knew, I'd clean up," he apologized, as he collected a couple of T-shirts and tossed them into a laundry basket.

"Don't worry, Jungkook, compared to my room, it's nothing. I wish my room was this tidy." I answered, while taking off my shoes. I had never pegged Jungkook for so much hospitality, it was very heart-melting when he took my coat, offered me a hot beverage, and let me have the warmer blanket. Without any doubt, he was on his best behavior, and I started to wonder whether he was typically like that, or he just tried to impress me.

"So what you wanna do? We can play some video games, or we can stick to my original plan of re-watching 'Home Alone' for the hundredth time. Which option is more appealing?" Jungkook asked enthusiastically, and looked at me with his doe eyes, which always found a way to enchant me. "Of course, in both cases, we're getting drunk if you have any doubts," he added matter-of-factly and smirked at me, as he reached for the corkscrew.

"I'm not really much of a player, you know. My brother recently showed me one part of 'Assassin Creed' and I lost interest in it during the tutorial," I spoke truthfully, and Jungkook refrained himself from kicking me out of his apartment for such a heresy. It was obvious he was disappointed, but I wasn't going to pretend to like video games so he would like me.

"Okay, so the movie it is," he eventually replied, and I beamed at him, "why don't you go to my room and play it on my laptop, and I'll open and pour the wine, okay? It's not protected with a password," Jungkook tilted his head in the direction of his room before he turned around and went to the kitchen for the glasses.

Once I opened the doors, I scanned his room; it was rather tidy and it suited Jungkook so much. His laptop was sitting on his made bed, and I quickly plopped down, turning it on. Just as he said, it wasn't protected with a password, so I easily logged in.

"Do we want to see the first part or the one in New York?" I asked, as I looked at Jungkook who came in with wine, glasses and a bag of potato chips. How did I choose it over a fancy Christmas supper at home? Oh, yeah, I love potato chips. "Or maybe a different movie like 'Love, Actually' or something."

"It does sound like a romantic comedy," Jungkook commented as he placed the snacks on the nightstand and joined me on the bed.

"Because it is," I answered, and Jungkook rolled his eyes, "it's not that sappy, though. It's quite enjoyable."

"Trust me, you're not the first woman who's tried to talk me into a romcom. It always backfires when I comply." Jungkook said, as he shifted on the bed, pouring us wine. Quickly, he handed me the glass and we made a toast, wishing each other 'Merry Christmas'. The wine was really sweet, and I almost moaned in delight. "However, today's the Christmas Eve, just pick whatever you want."

Thirty minutes into the movie, Jungkook and I were leaning against the headboard, watching the movie attentively. The computer was lying in Jungkook's laps, and the bottle of wine was already half empty. Thankfully, Jungkook had an emergency four-pack of beer in the refrigerator, so I didn't worry about running out of alcohol. It was really warm and cosy, and how much I wished I could rest my head on his shoulder.

Gradually, as the plot progressed, we were getting more tired with each passing minute; by the half of the movie, we were just lying on the pillows, trying to focus on the screen. It wasn't boring, but I felt so comfy that I could asleep right then beside him.

"It's not that bad, actually," Jungkook admitted, as he looked at me. His head was resting on the pillow, and he looked so peaceful it made my heart skip a beat. His gaze didn't leave mine, even though I hummed in agreement. Once again, it made me wonder if I had something stuck between my teeth. Why was he doing it? Slowly, Jungkook moved closer to me, and kissed my lips tenderly.

Gently, he cupped my face, and deepened the kiss, as he sucked on my bottom lip.

I didn't push him away, I couldn't bring myself to do that. It felt so heavenly I just couldn't stop. With each second, I wanted him more, and the thought of him ending our little moment was utterly heartbreaking.

His thumb massaged my cheek, as I kissed him back.

"Sorry, I was caught up in a moment," Jungkook confessed, as he pulled away.

"Don't apologise, I liked it."

Jungkook glimpsed at me, looking almost embarrassed, "you liked it because I'm a good kisser, or because it was me?"

"I think both," I replied genuinely, and Jungkook smiled as if my sincere words lit up his whole world.

"Really?" Jungkook asked, cocking up his eyebrow, and I just beamed at him, leaning forward, capturing his lips. The separation, although short, was difficult to handle. I yearned his lips, and the longer I was away from him, the more frustrated I became. Moreover, the feeling was mutual; I wasn't delusional, and Jungkook wanted me as much as I wanted him.

Urgently, I moved closer, and if it wasn't for the blankets we were covered with, our bodies would touch. Grunting into my lips, Jungkook placed his laptop onto the floor. His huge hand landed on the small of my back and he pulled me onto him; he was lying on his back, and I was straddling him, our lips molded together.

"Isn't it too soon?" Jungkook asked in concern, as he stopped my hands from roaming around his neck and shoulders, and I instantly shook my head. Everything was happening so swiftly, yet it was nothing wrong about it when we both wanted it. Jungkook and I craved intimacy, to get lost in our needs, and we weren't going to stop just because in the eyes of society it was inappropriate. The only thing that ought to matter was just our reciprocal consensus.

"No, Jungkook, the timing couldn't be any more perfect," I reassured him before I leaned forward, peppering his jaw and the column of his throat with delicate kisses. Jungkook didn't need another affirmation, and I purred in surprise when his hands squeezed on my bottom playfully.

"Just making sure," he added, as he pulled me closer, our sexes touching through thick fabrics of our clothes and the blanket. "Back at the ice rink, I wanted to kiss you so much, I have no idea how I lasted this long." Jungkook confessed truthfully, and I smashed my lips against his before he managed to say anything that would make me want him more.

Incoherently, Jungkook tried to elaborate, yet it was much more difficult to articulate when I was swirling my tongue around his. "Just shut up and kiss me," I urged him, and he listened to my ask, as he pressed our foreheads together, and nibbled on my bottom lip. Firmly, he grabbed the hem of my sweater and pulled it over my head when we broke the kiss for a second.

"You're killing me, sweetheart," Jungkook whined, and I realized I was grinding against his cock, which was now fully erected and painfully restrained in his pants.

"Sorry," I smiled sheepishly, as I sat on his laps, and pulled down the zipper, releasing his length, which hit against his abdomen, "is it better, now?" I asked when I began stroking his cock, and although I didn't receive a direct reply, I guessed he was enjoying my touch, as he had his eyes closed, his teeth biting on his lip. Languidly, I ran one hand up and down his cock, the other one massaging his balls.

"You have no idea," he hissed, completely giving into the pleasure, as I sucked the tip, while stroking him around the base. "Oh my God," he murmured when I started to swallow more of him with every bob of my head and occasional thrusts of his hips. "You're killing me again," he mused, and I giggled, the vibrations of my throat making him almost come in my mouth.

"What do you want me to do then?" I asked, arching my back like a cat, as he pushed up his T-shirt, revealing his toned chest, allowing me to kiss every inch of his exposed skin. Eagerly, Jungkook took off his shirt, and tossed it across the room. "What do you want, Jungkook?" I carried on, as I placed my hands on his abdominal muscles, and rocked my sex against his throbbing cock.

"For starters, stop teasing me," he deadpanned, as he placed his hands on my hips, halting my moves. Stubbornly, I rolled my eyes, and Jungkook pecked my forehead, smiling like a fool.

"But it turns me on," I replied, grinding my hips against his muscular thighs and hard length despite his firm grip. "Come on, you like it, too," I teased, as I pushed him back onto the sheets, "just relax," I added, nipping his collarbones, making him throw his head back and voice a throaty moan.

"I want to taste you so bad," Jungkook confessed genuinely, and I almost gave in. When Jungkook looked like that and wanted so earnestly to make me feel good, it was awfully difficult to not comply.

"Later," I spoke dismissively, as I plopped beside him, trying to take off my jeans and panties as quickly as I could, "I'm so wet already," I added, before I tossed my undergarment onto the floor. "Do you have a condom?" I asked, and Jungkook reached for a package that was sitting in his nightstand drawer. "Let me," I swiftly snatched the little box, as I straddled him.

"Will you let me do anything?" Jungkook asked, watching me roll the condom down his length.

"Of course, but let me ride you first," I confessed when I firmly grabbed his cock, and rubbed its tip across my drenched folds. "Fuck," I cursed, as his thick length stretched me when I sat on him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked in concern, his thighs tensed, as he watched himself disappear.

"Everything's fine, Jungkook," I reassured him with a simple smile, and Jungkook sighed in relief. "You fill me so good," I moaned, as I started to rock my hips.

"Take off your bra," Jungkook ordered sternly, and I playfully lowered my strip before I reached behind my back to undo the hooks. "You're beautiful," Jungkook admitted, as he sat up, and instantly attacked my cleavage with his lips, his calloused hands kneading my breast.

"Ah, Jungkook," I moaned, kicking my head to the back, as he sucked a hickey on my collarbone. "Fuck," I cursed when Jungkook started to rub my clit. Sensually, I rocked my hips, and Jungkook almost sent me to heaven with his fingers. I was throbbing, and I knew I was going to reach my high with him faster than with any other guy I had ever had sex with. "Jungkook," my voice broke when I tried to moan his name, my legs shaking as warmth ran across my body.

"Yeah, that's right, keep moaning my name," Jungkook hissed, as he placed his hands on my sides, sucking on my nipple.

"Fuck," I panted, my back arched and eyes closed, "I can't, Jungkook, I can't," he looked at me and I fell onto the bed beside him, almost drained out of all my energy. "Please, Jungkook, fuck me."

Instantly, Jungkook hovered above me, lining his pulsating cock in front of my entrance. "You feel so good," Jungkook teased me, as he touched my slit with his fingers. "I really wanted to eat that pussy, you know," he added, as he pushed two fingers inside of me.

"Later, I promise," I assured him, and Jungkook smirked, pumping his fingers swiftly. "You can do whatever you want to me, but please, fuck me, I need to come."

Jungkook licked my juices off his fingers before he grabbed his cock, and pushed himself inside, making me yelp. "Mm... you taste delicious," he purred, as he placed his hands on my sides, slamming his hips against me, filling me to the brim. My moans, along with Jungkook's grunts and the sound of our flesh slapping echoed in the room, creating a passionate symphony of lust.

"Fuck," I breathed out when Jungkook pushed me on the verge of orgasm, one flick of his finger against my clit, and I'd be already in heaven, basking in pleasure. "Jungkook, please," I groaned, pressing my mouth against the pillow in an attempt to muffle my desperate moans for his cock.

"Yes, sweetheart, we're getting there," Jungkook announced, massaging my thighs, pulling me closer. "Just a second," he added, as he rubbed my clit, making me thrust my hips upwards, my need for his touch insatiable.

"I'm coming, fuck, I'm coming!" I screamed at the top of my voice when bliss erupted within me, sending shivers of pleasure to every fiber of my body. My walls clenched around his cock, and Jungkook threw his head backwards, as he came into the condom.

"Holy shit," he cursed in his raspy voice, his breath uneven, "that was fucking amazing," he added, as he pulled out, and lay beside me.

"Yeah, it was, I can't wait for the next round," I agreed with him, as I closed my eyes, and covered my body with the thick blanket. Sex with Jungkook completely drained me out that I didn't even notice when I fell asleep in his embrace. I felt as if I was floating on a cloud; the soft sheets, Jungkook's muscular hands wrapped around me, the recollection of our intimate act lulled me to sleep in no time.

I had no idea what time it was when I woke up; someone was fighting with the lock of his apartment, and since he had mentioned that he lived with two other guys, I didn't worry much about it. It must've been one of his roommates trying to get inside.

Carefully, I rolled to the other side, and stared at Jungkook's peaceful expression. His hair was tousled, yet he looked attractive as ever. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyelashes brushed against his cheek, and for me, he was the best-looking guy on the planet.

"Jungkook, we're here!" A woman's voice rang behind the doors, which immediately opened at the end of a cheerful holler. Without knocking, a woman entered his room, and widened her eyes upon seeing me beside Jungkook. "Oh geez, I had no clue that Jungkook would have a girlfriend over. I'm sorry."

"Mom! What the hell are you doing here?" Jungkook shouted, as he woke up as if being electrocuted.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. We felt bad about leaving you alone on Christmas, so we thought we would make you a surprise. How should I know that I'd be interrupting something?" She tried to defend herself, but Jungkook wasn't having any of this. "If you had told us that you were going to spend Christmas with your girlfriend, we wouldn't have come."

"Out." He mentioned to his mother, and with a sheepish smile upon her face, she took a few steps backward, and closed the doors behind her, giving us the privacy that we needed. "Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. Sorry for all of that, I had no idea."

"Don't worry, it's actually funny," I giggled, adjusting the blanket around my naked body, "and awkward as hell."

"Yeah, tell me about it," he rested his head on the pillow, and looked at me, "so what do you say?"

"About what?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

"You know... she thinks you're my girlfriend," he started, as he pointed at the doors, referring to his mother who was probably eavesdropping us now. Instantly, I smiled at him brightly, as I suspected what he was about to say. Somebody pinch me! "I mean... I'm not that grossed out by the idea of dating you, so what do you say? Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He asked, and I smacked him in the head. If Jungkook was great at many things, he was plainly terrible at confessing.

"You don't expect me to say yes after that awful confession, do you?" I asked him, mildly offended at his choice of words; was it even a compliment?

"You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, Jungkook, I know."

[forzalando]

Time Management ~ Oliver Wood

hello darlings! this is an anon request I received a little bit ago! I hope you like it! Writing for Oliver is a bit hard, just because he doesn’t really have much depth to him as a character, but boy he sure is cute!! ;) he actually was my first HP crush, so I will always have a soft spot for him! enjoy my loves :) 

Pairing: Oliver Wood x Reader

Request: Hiii! I was wondering if you could do a oliver wood x reader where they are not playing quidditch but oliver is and it leads to a bit of tension, because of how often he practices, but with fluff in the end? Thanks in advance I love your writing!!

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 1346

“I’m so sorry, love, but can we reschedule tonight? I need to call an emergency practice, Ravenclaw just brought on a new chaser and he’s bloody brilliant. I love you, you’re the best!”

Before running out of the Great Hall, Oliver left a swift kiss on your lips and caressed your cheek.

This was the fourth time in the past month he had canceled plans and, to be honest, you were fed up.

You sighed and pushed your dinner around on your plate; your appetite long gone along with any chance of spending time with your boyfriend tonight.

Your miserable mood caught the attention of Hermione Granger, who, despite the age difference, had become a close friend of yours due to her maturity and impressive intelligence.

“Oliver loves you, Y/N, he’s just stressed right now. You know how much Quidditch means to him.”

“Well lately it seems like Quidditch means more to him than me. I tell myself that’s not true, but I can’t help feeling that way. We haven’t spent time together in over a month! I hardly ever see him!”

“I know you’re upset, Y/N, but things will work out.”

“I just wish I could make him as happy as Quidditch does.”

You stood from the bench, collected your things, and made your way back to your common room, growing more and more upset and angry by the minute.

Without realizing, you passed your common room and began walking rather quickly in the direction of the Quidditch pitch. Fueled by your anger and sadness, you stepped out on to the pitch and shouted into the air.

“Oliver Wood you get down here right now!”

Every player on the Gryffindor Quidditch team stopped abruptly; their brooms keeping them suspended in the air as Oliver flew down and landed next to you.

“Y/N what are you doing here? I told you I had to call an emergency practice – “

“This is the fourth time this month you’ve cancelled on me, Oliver.”

“The fourth? No, that can’t be right, the only time I’ve cancelled on you was two weeks ago when – “

“When Fred got out of the hospital wing after coming down with a cold and you had to whip him back into shape. But that was after Katie came to you and told you she had thought of a new strategy for the chasers. Then last week Alicia got a new broom! And tonight, because Ravenclaw has a new chaser. Four times, Oli.”

“Y/N…I’m so sorry I didn’t realize…”

“You didn’t realize that you were putting Quidditch before your girlfriend of three years? That’s okay, I realized it. I wish I could make you as happy as this bloody sport, but I guess I’ll never be enough. Have fun with your practice, Oliver, because it just cost you your girlfriend.”

You stormed off the field and Oliver didn’t chase after you. Of course, after being with you for so long, he knew that chasing after you was a very bad idea; especially because this was the most upset he had ever seen you.

“Practice is over, guys,” Oliver mumbled from the ground as his team watched with sad eyes while he trudged towards the locker room.

Oliver sat in the locker room, his mind racing trying to come up with how to make things right with you, while you cried the entire way to your dorm room.

You didn’t mean to break up with him; it was the heat of the moment and you were so upset. Your heart ached at the thought that he might not forgive you, or even care, and at the thought of losing the one man you knew you would ever truly love.

Once you reached your dormitory, you changed out of your robes and then flopped onto your bed, letting the tears flow freely from your eyes. After at least an hour of crying, Hermione poked her head through the curtains surrounding your bed.

“Y/N? You need to come with me, alright?”

“I don’t really feel like being bothered right now, Hermione, I just broke up with Oliver. Please leave me alone.”

“Nope, you have to come. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Suddenly, she grabbed your hand and pulled you out of your bed with a strength you didn’t know she had.

“Geez, Hermione, slow down! What could possibly be so important that you have to rip my arm out of its socket?”

“If you’d be quiet and move faster, you would know.”

She stopped in front of a blank wall, and let go of your hand. Almost instantly, the wall began to transform and it was no longer a solid brick wall; it had a door.

“Hermione…what is this?”

“Just go inside and you can thank me later, alright?”

She darted away and left you standing in front of the door, wondering whether or not to open it. Your curiosity got the better of you, and when you opened the door, you were greeted with the most beautiful sight.

A small dining table with your favorite meal sat in the center of the room, a fireplace and a couch with a bundle of fluffy blankets was to the left, and to the right, stood Oliver Wood in his nicest clothes.

He walked until he was standing directly in front of you, and then tentatively grabbed your hands.

“Y/N, I am so, so sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t enough. You are more than enough; you are so much more than I deserve. Quidditch might make me happy, yeah, but you make me the happiest lad in all of Hogwarts. I’ve been a pretty shitty boyfriend, and I promise you, that if you give me another chance, I will never make you feel like you come second best to a stupid sport. I love you so, so much, and losing you would absolutely kill me.”

“Oliver…did you just say stupid sport?”

“Really, Y/N, that’s all you got out of that? Yes, I said stupid sport, are you happy?”

Even though his tone was exasperated, you could see a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“No, because Quidditch isn’t stupid, it makes you happy. I love watching you play and I’m so glad you have something in your life that you’re passionate about, I just want you to be more conscious of your actions and how it makes me feel when you discard me for the sport. I wouldn’t be upset if you would just make time for me, too, love.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize that. I promise you, that from now on, you will come first. If we have plans, last-minute practices can wait. My free time will be spent with you unless it is an emergency.”

You laughed and wrapped your arms around his neck before pulling him into a hug.

“Now, now, don’t go that far. I can share you with practices. I can’t have my amazingly talented boyfriend losing games, can I? I want to be in the stands cheering on the best keeper Hogwarts has ever seen! You don’t have to sacrifice me or Quidditch, you just need to work on your time management, Oli.”

“That will be my first order of business after I eat dinner and cuddle with my beautiful girlfriend.”

His face suddenly took on a solemn expression, and you tilted your head in confusion.

“You are still my girlfriend, right?”

“Yes, Oli, I’m still your girlfriend. However, if you don’t straighten out, I won’t hesitate to – “

“Don’t even finish that sentence because I will straighten out. I will make time for you. I will cherish you.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours in a passionate kiss; the first you had shared in weeks. When your lungs cried out for oxygen, you broke apart and rested your forehead on his.

“Wow, Oli, you sure are a keeper!”

“Oh, god, I hate your Quidditch puns.”

“Don’t lie, you love them.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Oliver.”

[imtinkerbell]

Five times kissed - nealonfire i am here for this meme every time

 On Monday she said she’d be going on a trip. She didn’t know where, she didn’t know when. But that evening she kissed him goodnight long after he’d gone to sleep. Without direction, the fairy got into her car, assumed a name and left. Storybrooke was the same day after day, sometimes even Neal was the same. Sometimes she felt like she was going crazy sitting here day after day and watching the world move on without her. So she decided to move on from it in turn. The road out of Storybrooke felt endless, but she reached a train station and bought a ticket, where she’d end up, who was really to say. It was wrong to leave, selfish probably. 

But as the train pulled away from the station in Boston, her fears were replaced with visions of what the world ahead of her could be. A dangerous world for a young woman riding alone, but a world that she longed to find the heart of. Neverland had been too small and like a mouse in a cage she was eager to enter a world that felt unending. That freedom embraced her like a friend from another lifetime. She cherished it and determined that she would never let it go.

On Tuesday a week had passed calls and texts had gone long ignored on a phone that had died two cities ago. This world was still new no matter how far she traveled, every inch unfamiliar, every face foreign to the fairy. Except the one in her wallet that she carried with her. As she sat on a bus in Louisville she could hear the sounds of someone else’s headphones, just distantly enough to feel far away, like a memory of a time when she hadn’t traveled alone. A song on the radio and a kiss shared between two people in love, deeply in love. It all felt so far away. 

Sometimes Tinkerbell didn’t even recognize herself in the mirror. Her curls had been brushed out, the fake identification she’d had created didn’t bear her own name. In the blazing Summer heat she dressed anything but fairylike. In a mirror she might have been a stranger, inside she might’ve felt the same. This place was too hot, the sticky air left her to dwell on her thoughts. Busses were a terrible way to travel. Next time, a train would be best, she decided. The thought was only of herself, the rest of the world no longer mattered. She’d eaten meat at a barbecue restaurant off the side of the road, the first time she ate meat since Neverland. She’d tried to avoid it but this place made her remember that change often came in the ways we least were to expect it. 

Wednesday in Bozeman, Montana, late Summer wildflowers had flooded a landscape unlike anything she’d seen. To live in a place like this forever would’ve been a dream. She laid in a field of tall grass watching clouds pass her by. Warm sun pounded down on her face but she didn’t even care anymore. This place was perfect, this feeling was perfect. For the first time in a long time, she felt as she should’ve been all along. Maybe if this land really had magic, her wings would’ve sprung from her back by now. but even she wasn’t fool enough to let a fantasy like that claim her. 

Yet in this perfect place, with this perfect feeling, she thought of Neal, of how much she’d missed him. Two months it’d been since she left. Sometimes she still got texts, maybe a call. But the fairy never answered. Faye Bellamy rarely answered calls or texts unless they were from the new people she’d met along the way. The name had grown on her. But something about it still felt separate from herself. She held Neal’s picture in her hand, they’d been in a bar in Boston and someone had snapped a picture of them together. They’d been kissing, red faced from alcohol and laughing too much. She kissed the picture and all at once felt like this place wasn’t as perfect as she initially thought. Perhaps it was time to move on, maybe in a week. Maybe a week more of this serene joy would do her mind some good.

That’s what she always said when she stuck around a place for too long. Most places she was never in for more than a week but this one? This one stuck. Maybe something that could stick to her heart was just what she needed.

Thursday brought rain, lots of rain, how did Seattle rain in one of the hottest months of the year? She’d run inside a store to get out of the sudden downpour. A bookstore not unlike one in Boston she’d gone to with Neal. Every day now it felt like she was missing him more and more. She’d stopped checking for his texts. Did he still miss her? Did he still think of her? Had he moved on? Assuming she’d left for good? Most of her things were still there, not that she had many. The jealous pang dissipated after only a moment. She sat in a corner with a book of poems. She flipped through them until fate intervened. 

“Pull My Daisy” by Neal Cassady, Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg.

Why did his name follow her? Perhaps it was time to turn back. But she couldn’t. How could one return after running away so selfishly? She’d decided on the train from Bozeman to Seattle a month ago that it was a selfish thing to do. But it was the first time she’d been selfish in over thirty years. How could you cage a bird that’d finally known freedom? She could see a couple by a window reading together in a perfect silence together. They’d glance at each other from time to time, smiling and sometimes telling one another about what was happening in their book. It pulled at the fairy’s heart. She hated them because she was envious that they had one another. 

Maybe it was wrong to leave but wasn’t it worse to tie a man down to someone who would never be happy where he would be happy? It wasn’t right. They didn’t want the same things. Yet when finally the reading man leaned over and kissed his girlfriend, Faye couldn’t help but imagine it was Neal and she was the young woman so eager to receive it. For months she’d wondered if she had been in love at all and yet, in that moment, she knew she had been. 

But was she still?

Curiosity turned to longing, longing to heartache. By Friday she was weeping in Wyoming in an airport with a single gate. She must’ve looked insane. By a large fireplace with the most picturesque mountains she’d ever seen just out the window, she had no idea what had set her off. Perhaps it was the realization that it was October finally dawned on her. Storybrooke felt too far away now, she couldn’t arrive there soon enough and the moment she realized that home was still hours out, something simply burst inside of her. A bubble that had been brewing all along, but she’d ignored it, run from it at all cost. 

Maybe it was the phone call she finally made.

Friday in San Francisco in a club not far from the ocean. She never went to clubs, but she needed to numb her mind. The heartache had been too much. A drink later, a few drinks later, laughing with virtual strangers later, dancing and grinding and oh god what had she done later? She stumbled back to the motel she’d managed to get a room at. She’d kissed him. He looked like Neal, maybe he didn’t but he looked just like him when she squinted, she’d burst into sobs and kissed him. She hadn’t stumbled away she ran. She’d been running for months and now – now she was sitting on the dirty carpet of a motel room fumbling with a cell phone she’d not charged in weeks. 

“Neal-i-its Tink-T-tinkerbell….I miss you. I-I’m coming home…I-i’m sorry.”

He was asleep probably she spoke to his answering machine like it was a lifeline she didn’t know she’d needed. Far out in the middle of a place she no longer wanted to be she had to get home. 

The next morning she was on a plane to Wyoming, the only flight she could get but the only one that would bring her closer to where she needed to be.

The train from Chicago to Boston took ages, the car she’d abandoned still sat in the lot but needed a charge, the battery had died from not being used. She drove as fast as the disgruntled car battery would allow. The border into Storybrooke was hard to see through the tears that streaked down her cheeks. Tink ran up the stairs, not Faye not a woman determined to run but Tinkerbell, the fairy who had taken too long to learn what she’d wanted. She struggled, fumbling with her keys in shaking hands at the door. 

The door practically burst open and yet, when she’d arrived, he was gone. This place had been theirs. Yet only the few pieces of her remained. She’d see him eventually, he’d never leave his son and Storybrooke was too small. Gracelessly she collapsed in a heap in the center of what had been their tiny living room for two. Had he given up on her? She couldn’t blame him, how many months had it been? 

But her heart was still broken. In two pieces on the floor of an apartment meant for two. Her backpack was thrown unceremoniously from her shoulders. The door was closed and locked. The picture she’d kissed so many times thinking of him was pulled from her pocket. It was as descheveled as she must’ve looked. 

“I’m sorry.” She murmured with no tears left to cry. Tinkerbell kissed the photo and placed it face down on the nightstand. She took a shower, washing away the past six months of her absence and laid down alone in her bed, six months of longing lingering on unkissed lips. 

[donghyxns]

The One That Got Away | Kim Donghyun

character: kim donghyun

genre: angst

word count:1540

summary: donghyun left you heartbroken for 8 months, then he called you

*i have uploaded this on wattpad and this will be continued if you want me to :)

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

It has been around 8 months since Donghyun has broken up with you and it hurt still. You never thought he would cold-blooded cut you off like that.

Your relationship was perfect in every way, or at least you thought it was. You both had heart eyes for each other and the two of you were nearly inseparable.

You never wanted to let that go but he did.

He came up to you one day, eyes cold and face hardened.

"Let's break up." He mutters, not one emotion in his voice. You were honestly taken aback, yesterday you guys were laughing and having fun, what changed overnight?

"Huh?" You speak, hoping this was some cruel prank, he was known to do those.

He scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets, "You heard me, let's break up." He rudely repeated, not one damn emotion showing on his pretty face.

"Why all of a sudden? Yesterday, we were having fun! Why all of a sudden?" You inquire, voice rising as anger was taking over you.

He looked at you with a smirk which made you even angrier, "I've been thinking about this for a while now. I fell out of love with you."

Your heart dropped out of your stomach.

Fell out of love?

All of a sudden?

It made no sense to you. You know how much Donghyun loved and cherished you, this wasn't how he usually acted.

"Donghyun, is someone forcing you to do this? Please tell me if they are!" You beg, tears finally spilling over.

He laughs in your face, ridicule strong, "Stop acting like this, you aren't a child." He turns on his heel and starts the leave your sight until he turns to look at you one last time, finally showing some sadness.

Even 8 months later, it made zero sense to you. Donghyun was never the one to act harsh towards you, even in your worst of fights so for him to act like that all of a sudden shocked you.

The thing that confused you the most was when he looked at you one last time, his face showed strong signs of sadness. You knew when Donghyun was sad, his eyebrows would dip down in the middle and his mouth would pout out, kind of like a baby.

You sat on your bed, staring at your blue wall in front of you thinking about this whole situation. This is what you have been doing for the past 8 months.

You would wake up, go to the bathroom, take a shower, brush your teeth, grab some food, and go up to your room and think about the break up play by play.

It was honestly depressing.

Some friends came by and told you Donghyun debuted in a popular boy group under BNM but you didn't care to check them out. You knew it would open up new wounds and previous ones.

As you were thinking deeply, your phone rang, surprising you. You never had phone calls unless it was your mom.

You reach over to your nightstand and grab your phone pulling it towards you.

The display name shocks you, "HongGeonie ♡♡♡" Tears automatically fill your eyes as you think of the cute but stupid nickname.

Your finger shakily hits the answer button and you bring the phone to your face, "Hello?" Your voice trembles slightly.

You hear Donghyun sigh from the other side, "I know we haven't talked since the breakup..."

"Okay and?" You question, confused by this whole thing.

Donghyun lets out a breath, "I'm getting married and I'm inviting you to the wedding."

You feel like you had just been kicked in the stomach, your whole body hurt. Your eyebrows drop down in the middle, sadness overcoming your body. You never expected this, not from Donghyun at least.

"What?" You shakily respond after hearing him sigh on the other line.

"I want you to come to my wedding," He speaks, voice stronger than before, "You are still my best friend-"

"No," You shake your head rapidly as if he could see you, "Donghyun, it has only been 8 months, what do you mean you are getting married?"

8 months wasn't a long time, at least it wasn't for you. It wasn't long enough for Donghyun to fully fall in love and propose. Hell, it took Donghyun 5 months of just talking to you to figure out if he liked you.

This wasn't like him at all.

This was all just too confusing for you. Donghyun never seemed like the type to leave you and immediately fall in love with another girl.

"Listen," You hear him lick his lips, a sign that he was nervous, "Can you come over, actually? I need to explain this to you face to face."

You look at your disheveled figure in the mirror, "Um... sure?"

"Great," You can practically hear the smile on his face, "I live in the same building as when we dated."

That stabbed you straight into the heart.

"O-okay. Do I have a time limit or?" You ask, confused at this whole situation.

You hear him laugh from the other line which makes your heart swell. You missed the sound and it made you happy to hear it.

"Just come in like 20-30 minutes," He takes a deep breath, "I'll see you soon." The line goes dead right after he says that.

I'll see you soon, what does that mean?!

You try to calm your racing heart but nothing was working, you were finally going to see the man you missed so much.

The thought brought happiness into your mind but as soon as you thought of him getting married to someone who wasn't you, the happiness drained from you.

"Alright, enough thinking about this," You stand up from your bed, "Let's get ready."

You breathe out nervously as you approach the apartment building Donghyun lives in. This was all too much for you.

One moment, you were sulking about how much you missed him and then the next you were going over to his house to talk about his marriage.

You feel your palms get sweaty as you reach the door.

"Don't be nervous," You say to yourself, "It's just Donghyun. It isn't like he will rip your head off." You raise up your hand and knock on the door a couple of times.

"Coming!" You hear a delicate, high-pitched voice come from behind the door.

It wasn't Donghyun, obviously, it had to be his wife to be.

The door swings open and a very pretty girl is shown, "Yes?" She blinks a couple of times clearly confused on what was happening.

You awkwardly clear your throat, "Hello, I am one of Donghyun's friends." She exclaims loudly.

"Oh! You are ______, right?" She opens the door a tad bit wider.

You force a fake smile, "Yes, I am!" Her smile widens a bit as she turns towards the living room to call out to Donghyun.

"Baby! Your friend is here!" Her sickeningly sweet voice grates on your nerves. You look down at your feet as the pain and irritation inside of you was building up.

Baby?

Donghyun absolutely hated nicknames like that, he only liked it when you called him 'HongGeonie' and that was it. 'Baby' and 'Sweetheart' were too cringey for him, so why all of a sudden is he okay with it?

You hear footsteps rush towards the front entrance of the door and when you look up, you saw the man that you never got over.

He looked good. He didn't look sad at all or in the slightest bit heartbroken, he just looked like regular old Donghyun. He was sporting a cute smile and tender, loving eyes.

"I'm so glad you could make it!" He grabs your shoulder, pulling you gently inside of his apartment. Your heartbeat quickened at the touch and it showed you how much you actually missed him.

The apartment changed.

Instead of your things, there were the other girl's things. Her shoes were at the front door, her coat was next to his on the chair, and in the bowl next to the front door, there were her car keys and not yours.

It hurt how much his apartment changed in just a short span of 8 months.

In 8 months, what have you done?

Taken a lot of showers, cried a lot, ate a lot, and thought about many things.

In 8 months, Donghyun got a girlfriend and proposed to her. It was all too much for you to handle.

"Sejeong, can you go grab us some foods and drinks? I want to catch up with her." He gives her a lovely smile, one that makes jealousy boil in your blood.

"Of course!" She gives a sweet smile back and turns the corner so she can go grab the drinks.

As soon as she was out of sight, Donghyun pinned you beneath him, giving you a lust filled look.

"God, you don't know how much I missed you." He leans down and ghosts his lips on top of yours.

What the hell is going on?!

[hekate1308]

As You Are

Drowley once more, I am afraid. More Destiel will be coming, though. AU, mafia boss!Crowley, married Drowley. Enjoy!

His husband would never forgive him for getting blood on the carpet. It was Dean who had insisted on the thing (Crowley had from the first thought it was hideous) and now he’d dropped a body on it.

It was the fool’s own damn fault. He should have known there’d be a knife coming. How dared he break in and try to kill him as if he was a run-of-the-mill minion anyway?

There was a reason they’d called him the King of Hell, once.

Still, things between him and Dean hadn’t been going well lately, and now the carpet...

It didn’t matter anyway, he realized suddenly.

He would have to leave. He’d never force Dean to vanish and never see his family again, so that meant...

Dean would probably be happy to watch him go. It seemed like all they’d done during the last few months was fight, and over the most trivial things, too.

“For God’s sake, it’s a couch, just pick one!”

“I would like to be comfortable in my own home – “

“How am I supposed to know what you “like” since you never tell me a thing – “

Maybe they had been doomed from the start. There were just some things he’d never been able to share with Dean, things that had slowly come between them, things that, if he’d known them, would have led to him running away at top speed, and...

Crowley should have known better.

His only excuse was that Dean had looked as gorgeous on the morning he met as he always did, and that he’d known from the first minute that he wanted him.

He sighed as he sat down on the couch.

He was getting too old for carrying bodies around on his own, but this time it couldn’t be helped. And in the morning, he’d tell his husband he wanted a divorce.

He wearily eyed their wedding picture on the wall. Five maddening, insane, wonderful years, the best years of his life, and it was all over.

He really was getting old. He’d fallen asleep right there, on the couch he’d picked out just last week, and woke up to Dean asking in a pointed manner, “Crowley, why is there a corpse in our living room and why is there a knife in its back?”

He rubbed his eyes tiredly as he replied, “Sorry about the carpet.”

“Sorry about – oh God, it really was you”. Dean was looking at the body.

“But why in the back, you can’t tell me – “

All in all, Crowley was rather impressed with his husband’s calmness at the situation. He’d waited for hot, boiling rage. Or maybe fear.

“I had to kill him before he harmed you”.

“Had to... Crowley, we call the police if there’s an intruder in the house. This is what they are for.”

“Not when you happen to be me, darling”.

“Don’t call me that” Dean snapped; for some reason, he’d always hated that particular pet name.

“I’m calling 911. Someone will have to clean up here – “

“Dean, you can’t” he said hastily, getting up.

“Don’t be an idiot, I have to. I’ll call Sam too, it was self defence of course, but why did it have to be in the back – “

“It was dark and I had to throw it”.

“It was... of course you did”. Crowley ripped his phone out of his hands.

“Give that back!”

“I won’t. Sit down so I can explain”.

Dean made an annoyed sound but did sit down.

“Alright. You got five minutes before I – “

“Dean, my real name was never Crowley Sheppard”.

Like ripping off a band-aid, he told himself. He’d always been against useless pain.

Useful pain, to gather information for example, was something else entirely, but that was a subject for another day.

“What?” Dean blinked.

“My name wasn’t Crowley Sheppard. It was Fergus MacLeod”.

“Why would you give me a false name? And why tell me now?”

He wasn’t even angry; that’s how little he already meant to the man he’d married.

Apparently he’d never heard of him, but that didn’t surprise him. People paid little attention to details when it came to news about criminals, unless they happened to be very notorious, and he’d always been content to keep himself in the background.

“From the Hell cartel”.

The media had been responsible for that nickname, and it was more than reasonable to assume Dean had heard about it at some point.

Since a few years had passed, he needed a moment to place the name.

His eyes widened and he moved away from him on the couch.

That was it then, the moment he finally lost him.

He reminded himself it had been coming for some time.

“Wasn’t MacLeod... are you telling me you were a freaking mob boss!?”

“That is exactly what I am telling you”.

“Are you kidding me?”

Dean sprang up and started to pace up and down, pointedly ignoring the body.

“I married – wait why the assumed name? And why did you go after me in the first place? Suburbia isn’t exactly what gangsters usually go for... oh God it was all a cover, wasn’t it. Every single minute. You were playing me...”

“No” he interrupted him. “I wasn’t. I assure you, I wanted to marry you”.

“But... why?”

“What do you know about the Hell cartel?”

“I... didn’t the feds get them all a few years ago?”

“You’re looking at the chief witness against them. As well as several other high-profile criminals”.  

“But... wasn’t it your cartel to begin with”.

“Yes. And then...”

Crowley took a deep breath.

“I told you about Gavin”.

Dean nodded.

“You said you never wanted to talk about him again. I know you still miss him, though”.

He smiled at him somehow weakly. The years had dampened the feeling of loss slightly, but the guilt was as strong as ever.

“We didn’t really get along for years. He spent most of the time with his mother, and I... I didn’t feel comfortable as a father”.

“I suppose you had enough to do”.

Dean was actually joking. There was hope then, of at least parting ways amiably.

“But... things got better. Eventually. He and his girlfriend were on his way to visit me when they had the car accident”.

He’d told Dean as much. Then he’d demanded they never mention it again because he hadn’t wanted to repeat half-truths again and again.

“It turned out someone had cut the breaks of their car. The...” He swallowed.

On to something else he’d never confessed to Dean.

“The autopsy revealed Fiona was pregnant. I think that’s why they wanted to see me... They wanted to tell me in person.”

“Oh Crowley”.

Dean sat down next to him and reached out to squeeze his hand.

“I’m so sorry”.

He nodded, acknowledging the comfort he’d never been able to ask for before.

“I decided to investigate myself... it was members of my own cartel”.

“Back stabbing sons of bitches” Dean said, earning a smile.

“I decided I was done with it all.”

“So you went into witness protection?”

He chuckled.

“It took a while for the FBI to believe I was being sincere”.

“Can’t imagine why. And this guy...”

Dean gestured towards the corpse without looking in its direction. He was still holding Crowley’s hand, and he cherished the contact. It was the last time after all.

“The FBI have always been grossly incompetent. A few managed to escape... No one high up in the organization, but still.”

“I see. So he came for revenge”.

“I didn’t leave him the time to explain himself”.

Dean nodded.

“So what now? We call your... handler or whatever in the FBI?”

He nodded.

“I suppose I’ll be out of your hair in a few hours”.

“What do you mean?”

Dean withdrew his hand abruptly.

“They’ll hardly leave me here, and I know you’d never move away from your family. I won’t expect you to follow me. They’ll probably fake my death like they did before...”

Only he’d had no one left behind but his mother at the time, and she’d most likely been glad he was gone.

“So... that’s it? Five years, three of them married, and you’re just going to leave me here?”

He shouldn’t have, but he enjoyed the hurt in Dean’s voice. Even after all their fights, he was still angry at him for going away. He was still that important to him, at least.

“I told you...”

“Okay, you said that would happen if you called the FBI. So what if you don’t?”

“Dean, there’s a body on the floor”.

“I know and you’re paying for the new carpet, mister, but that’s not the point.”

Dean looked down at the body again, this time seizing it up.

“We need shovels and flowers”.

“Flowers?”

“We do have a garden, don’t we?”

Crowley’s eyes widened.

“Are you suggesting...”

“We burry this thing and forget about it, yeah. Does he have any friends likely to look for him?”

He shook his head.

“Even if he told someone where he was going, they’ll guess what happened and keep their mouths shut”.

“Well then”.

This was a side of his husband Crowley had never seen before, and he was enjoying it immensely. And yet...

“Dean, what do you think you are doing?”

“Keeping my husband” he replied simply, stepping up to him.

God, it had been too long since he saw that gleam in his eyes.

“Are you propositioning me over a dead body?”

“We’re not standing over it exactly. Don’t act so high and mighty, you were the mob boss here”.

“I’m just surprised”.

Dean grinned and gave him a shove. He landed on the couch, Dean towering over him.

“What can I say? There is something sexy about a man being ready to kill for you”.

He pulled him down and kissed him.

They made love right there as they hadn’t in too long, desperately, passionately.

Three weeks later

Sam and Sarah arrived at Dean’s and Crowley’s barbecue a little late, but there was nothing Dean couldn’t forgive if it meant seeing his nephew.

“Hey mini-me”.

“Should have known there would be repercussions for naming him Dean” Sam muttered, but he was smiling.

His smile only grew bigger when Crowley stepped up to Dean to greet them, his hand resting at the small of his husband’s back, and he actually relaxed into the touch.

Things were looking up.

He and Sarah had been worried about Dean’s marriage for a while now. They just didn’t seem to have anything to say about each other, and if he’d had to hear about Dean’s “blue balls” one more time...

That was a thing of the past too, if Dean’s posture was anything to go by. He remembered it well from their teenage years.

Crowley and Sarah were talking about Dean Jr. while he was working on the grill; Sam came to talk to him after Benny had moved away.

“Things seem to be going well” he said carefully.

Dean grinned.

“Yeah. We were in a bad spot for a while, but we talked it all through – no more secrets.”

Sam snorted.

“I bet a business man has a lot of those”.

For some reason, Dean chuckled.

“I’d tell ya, but I’d have to kill ya”.

After a moment he added, “We’ve been talking about kids. Nothing specific yet, but – you know”.

“Dean, that’s awesome!”

Dean had always wanted kids. Crowley hadn’t seemed to be interested until now. Maybe he’d needed some more time to get over his son’s death? Sam could easily imagine that.

His eyes wandered to the new addition in the garden.

“That’s a good place for a flower bed.”

Dean grinned.

“Yeah, thought I’d try something new. Charlie had a freak-out about it earlier, you can go fangirl with her”.

“I wouldn’t go that far, but it looks pretty nice”.

“We did it together. Sort of bonding experience, you know...”

He caught his husband’s eyes and smiled.

[wishescrown-blog]

Best Wedding Anniversary Wishes For Wife 2019 [Updated List]

Wedding anniversaries are perfect to rekindle that spark. It’s a chance for married couples to take a break from the pressure and routine of their lives and appreciate each other. It’s also worthy of celebration as it marks the strength of a relationship. A wedding anniversary is all about two people celebrating one more year of being together. What you need to do is forget everything else for a while, exchange wedding anniversary wishes, enjoy the moment and feel grateful for being loved as well as for having someone to love. Thinking about wedding anniversary wishes for wife will probably get you confused pretty quickly. After all, women generally care a lot more about expressions of love than men do. Loving them is not always enough, it’s also important to show it or say it verbally. It may be tricky but it doesn’t always have to be. All you need is to know your partner very well. If you know what she likes and dislikes, it should be easy for you to choose some great wedding anniversary wishes for wife. This can be mainly words, or expression of your love in any other manner depending on the kind of person she is. Or you can do both and steal her heart all over again. Whatever you do, be sure to put yourself into it. A Beautiful rose for a Beautiful woman who is my Beautiful wife and has given me a Beautiful life. Happy anniversary. A happy marriage is a relationship between two people who know the meanings of commitment, trust, sacrifice, forgiveness and honesty. Happy anniversary.

An anniversary is like a stock-take day for a marriage. Our annual stock-take says that we have happiness in surplus. Happy 1st anniversary. Congratulations! Cheers to another year of suffering and misery. Even though we have been married just for a few years, you can read my mind as if you have known me for a lifetime. Happy anniversary my love, I love you. Ever since you became my wife, I wake up with a smile, my life is filled with colours of love and I feel so alive, thank you for coming to my life. Happy anniversary my beautiful wife! Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite. Happy anniversary! For me the glass is always half full and for you, it is always half empty. But this exactly what makes us perfectly complementary. Happy anniversary. From you the greatness descends, And to have a woman like you my happiness ascends!!! Happy wedding anniversary!!! Happy first anniversary to the First Lady of my world. I love you. Happy first anniversary to the woman who has stolen my heart, but given me beautiful her soul in return. I am one of the few lucky men in this world who can say that their best friend, girlfriend and wife are the same woman. Happy first anniversary. I can’t imagine living a life without you. I’d probably be doing the dishes, laundry and cook by myself. Thanks!

I regret the decision of marrying you last year. I should have married you the very day my heart was smitten by yours. xoxo I’ll love you even when we’re old and wrinkly. Happy anniversary! I’m complete only when you are around, Else I’m like a voice with no sound!!! Happy wedding anniversary!!! I’ve fallen in love many times. Always with you. If my life was a boat floating over the choppy waters of destiny, you are the set of sails which will see me through. Happy first marriage anniversary. In my life I can never feel alone, When troubles hit me hard like stones! Thanks for being my wife!! Happy wedding anniversary!! In times of happiness or trouble, whether I find gold or rubble, I know that you will always stand by me… and never burst our happy bubble. Happy anniversary.

Inside my heart you’ll always be, Because, my heart beats only for thee!!! Happy wedding anniversary!!! It doesn’t matter whether we always agree or disagree. What matters is that I love you and you love me. Happy anniversary. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to discover that a beautiful wife with a beautiful heart equals a beautiful life. Happy anniversary. It has been an honor to be your husband for all these years. I am so glad we get to celebrate the start of a new year together. Let me hold you tight, with all my might. Let’s celebrate the day that we wed, and think of the good times that lie ahead. Happy anniversary. Many mistakes I do make, Hats off to you my woman, how patiently you take!!! Happy wedding anniversary!! Marriage is like true love… a journey that has a beginning, but no end. Happy anniversary to my forever. May the rest of our lives always be like our first anniversary – exciting, youthful and hopelessly romantic. Happy first anniversary. My love, today is our day, so let’s celebrate. For we are given another one year to love, care and cherish each other. I will always love you, my dear. Happy anniversary! My wife, thank you for sharing your wonderful love with me, you are my whole world. Happy anniversary sweetheart! My wife, the way you hug me, the way you hold my hand, all my worries stay away from me because they know I have you. I love you baby and I won’t stop. Happy anniversary! No one else would understand our relationship, and no one else in this world would understand me the way you do. Happy Anniversary! Nothing comes close to how I feel, when I hold you close. It is a silence that tickles me in the deepest corner of my soul. Happy anniversary. Nothing makes me happier than knowing that you love me for who I am and letting me be obnoxious and crazy. On our anniversary, let’s not look back at the memories we’ve made, rather let’s look ahead at all those that are yet to come. Happy 1st anniversary.

One thing I would ever want is life is you, Because, how much I love you, you really have no clue!! Happy wedding anniversary!!! Rewinding and going back to the happy memories of our married lives, inspires me to fast forward and dream about the amazing future that lies ahead. Happy anniversary. Thank you for putting up with all my faults and celebrating all my good qualities. I love you. The profound and symbolic meaning of our anniversary, is that you and I were meant to be. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage unless, two people become mature enough to understand that. We’re one such couple. Happy anniversary sweetheart. This day is a reminder of the best decision of my life – to propose to, and get married to the world’s most beautiful woman. Happy anniversary. Time has stopped ever since the day we got married. I’m stuck in a warp of sunny hues, smiles and everlasting love. Happy anniversary. True love is what I learnt from you, Without you, I wonder how would I come all the way through!! Happy wedding anniversary!!

Two souls like ours can never be apart, When they are so strongly bonded by the relation of heart!! Happy wedding anniversary!!! Wow, I can’t believe one more year has just passed us by. How time flies when we are happy, it’s a great honour and pleasure to be your husband. I love you dear. Happy anniversary! You are the rhythm if I’m a song, And we hum the melody for a time very long!!! Happy wedding anniversary!!! You have helped me find the right answers to all the difficult questions life has thrown at me. Happy anniversary. You know you’re in a real relationship when making sacrifices for someone else, makes you happy from within. I love you, happy anniversary. You the best woman I have ever known, And when you came as my wife, my sorrows were automatically blown!!! Happy wedding anniversary!! A great idea is to pour your heart out on paper and write some great, personal, no-google wedding anniversary wishes. That way, she will know exactly how you feel and become extremely happy. You could also say those things to her directly. Apart from that, you could either take her out to a fancy restaurant and have dinner while chatting away about all kinds of things under the sun, take her to the place you first saw/met her and tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, or spend a quiet day at home doing absolutely nothing other than enjoying each other’s company, the whole world aside. Getting her a meaningful anniversary gift is also a part of wedding anniversary wishes. There are so many couples who can’t be together on their special day. But instead of sulking about it, you could postpone your plans for another day and call or send some sweet wedding anniversary wishes to your wife. After all, there’s no rule that you can’t celebrate your love on other days of the year. Words can go a long way if they are the right ones. This is why you need to write how YOU feel and not copy words from somewhere. Not all of us are great writers but on days like those, it’s not the writing style that matters. It’s all about the meaning. So make sure it’s all you and that she gets the message loud and clear. Pour your heart out into those wedding anniversary wishes. Read the full article

[confessionsofatwentysomethin]

Guess who’s back, back again.

It’s me, your favorite 20 something, one year later from what I can only surmise as a shit show from what I just read because I thought it would be a great idea to recap myself on what you all must think of me.

I cried a lot reading the posts I didn’t remember writing because I was out of my mind curling up at the bottom of whatever bottle I’d come across that day; I cried, even more, reading the posts I did remember because all of that pain and melancholy still exists like boulders in the luggage of my runaway heart.

There have been too many boys, friends, men, bottles, smiles, drugs, laughs, cries, midnight vomit sessions, breaths of fresh air, happy days, and days I didn’t think I’d recover from to count. Honestly, 2018 was the happiest and saddest year I have lived this far. I’m sure as we chat a little more, details will begin to reval themselves and stories will come up. These are just the important ones I don’t want to half ass.

I want to start this post with a small message to Janurary 2018 Angela:

I know you’re really butthurt about Nathaniel but WE (I) FUCKED HIS HOT COUSIN NICK AND HE WILL NEVER FIND OUT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE THAT OR DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS BUT IF WE EVER DID TELL HIM IT WOULD SHATTER HIM AND HIS FRAGILE EGO. So forget that dude, Nick was a fucking 14/10 and you fucking nailed that REPEATEDLY and Nathaniel still sucks even to this day so get over it you big, beautiful fucking queen.

Anyway, back to raw, emotional, reflective Angela (our regularly scheduled programming):

New years 2018 has become an iconic day in my life and the lives of every person in my once close-knit group of high school friends. Ryan’s girlfriend Monika slept with Ryan’s best friends Matt and Mason, and all three boys were some of my closest friends for years. 

Sure, it’s a huge joke amongst those of us who still strain relationships through the wreckage that night and the nights leading up to it caused, that everyone got to see everyone topless and I made out with Jordan and Ashley like it was some innate thing that I’d always wanted to do (because we literally all made eye contact and just started making out, zero prompting from anyone... I totally admit that it’s the only moment where I genuinely questioned my sexuality lmao). However, no number of boobs of old friends is ever going to make me forget the way two of my friends betrayed Ryan.

Nevermind the fact the Monika gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months ago. Don’t worry, we all did the math, it’s not Matt or Mason’s... but the lack of loyalty on that girl does not suggest he is genetically Ryan’s, which isn’t stopping him from being with her, which makes pretty much all of us dead to him. Can we blame him? I don’t, not even one bit. I can’t imagine the feeling Ryan must have carried for months, the betrayal. I’m not saying I understand why he stayed with her and shut every single one of us out, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that he did. I have, and always will wish him the best; I hope his son grows up loved, happy, and healthy, and that Monika can grow up for his sake.

With that being said, I really do think that day was the last nail in the coffin for this page. I was so overwhelmed with processing the entire thing and how exactly I fit into it, that I really do think I had to turn my mind off for a long time to survive it in a healthy way. I lost faith and respect for two boys that I had watched grow into men that I loved and respected like the older brothers I had prayed for years to have. I would never be able to look at them the same way, and it made me feel selfish for making it about me that I just didn’t, not even to myself. 

I did not speak to anybody in that group for about 10 months before I responded to one of the many invitations to come together with what was left of the group, which was Lucas and his girlfriend Little Taylor, and that only lasted a little while until New Years 2019 when they got into an immature fight like they always do, and I couldn’t help myself; I called them out on it, and now I guess we aren’t speaking. New years 2019 was the first time I had seen Matt and Mason, it was as if nothing had changed, and like always, they made jokes about what upsets them: Ryan being gone, Ryan being a Dad, our group is in pieces and we don’t talk about it unless it’s a low blow to someone who isn’t even around to stand up for themselves.

I had an alright time. I had gone with my friend Tim from Bdubs Dekalb circa 2015 to his sisters wedding, and missed the stroke of midnight, which was okay because I was perfectly comfortable spending the first two minutes alone in my car. We got drunk, nostalgic, and silly, just how I wanted to remember them. I really do love every single one of them for surviving all of the teenage recklessness we stirred up together, but part of growing up was realizing that not all of your friends are friends who can be trusted with anything but drunken jokes and stupid nights. I love them for being drunk and stupid, and I am okay with just that.

2018... what a fucking year. I Don’t even think I remember all of it. From the looks of my posts, it might not be because I naturally have a horrible memory, Rumplemintz definitely had something to do with it.

2018 was that year I loved Cirissa and Chris, the couple who gave me hope and faith in a love that slowly matures but never grows old... until I realized that they had too many problems for me to start analyzing the way they were. Chronic alcoholism, a marriage that was a mix of co-dependence, lack of confidence to get anybody else, and fear of being alone sprinkled on top of a genuine love that was the root of my admiration. Every night we were together, we were the three best friends that anybody could have, our soundtrack was every Disney song we could get our hands on; we got off work, and my tongue always tasted like peppermint schnapps, and they would let me hit the button on the slot machine they chose that evening.

It was a fast, hard, deep, loving friendship for a year, and I wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the world. I have never for one second doubted that Cirissa truly did love me like a sister, and sometimes like a mom, and she did everything she could to make me feel that love as deeply as this heart could let me. There isn’t enough time in the world to go through how grateful I am for the emo sing alongs, drunken heart to hearts, and hugs that really did hold me together when I was falling apart.

Chris truly is one of the greatest men I have ever known, and I know he loved me like the really cool tomboy sister he never had. So many heavy metal nights and pep talks about how amazing I am, and how much better I deserve, and I am literally sobbing like an idiot because I miss the support and friendship that these two gave me so dearly.

The truth is, as much as I cherish them and all the crazy shit we did, it wasn’t healthy at all. I cannot blame anybody but myself for all of the liquor that I let take a shot at filling up my emptiness, but they were the cheerleaders that helped me believe that one day my demons would drown.

I know well enough now that there’s never going to be a moment where my vices beat my pain or complexities, and that mentality has tried to thrive in the little wasted snowglobe we created for the three best friends and died every single damn time.

There is no way in hell that Christian Boyajian will ever fit into words on a computer screen or a book or even an encyclopedia. Not because he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me; not because he is particularly special; not because I’ll never forget him or get over him or stop loving him.

Christian was simply someone who came into my life, and changed it forever, He changed me in ways that I had always written about but had no idea how heavy the words I was saying actually were.

June 2017 or somewhere in there, we had met on POF and bonded over Batman and how we both grew up so close to each other. I remember feeling like he was funny, smart, worldly, and clever. He’s in the Navy, and we lost touch because I’ve been a fuckboy for years, and he deployed before we got close enough for me to ever imagine signing up to be a navy girlfriend.

Fast forward to March 2018, we reconnected on POF. I was wasted at coach house with my friends, and it was like no time had passed.

He was living in San Diego, I was back in Illinois still, and we facetimed every night for a month before I decided to fly out to meet him. He told me he loved me before I even got on the plane. I knew it was fast, but I was so sick of being drunk and numb that I let myself feel whatever I wanted. I did know that I wanted to say I loved him to his face, like I always have with anyone.

I didn’t even write love poems about him, just fragments that still litter the notepad on my phone, because I knew it would be over faster than I could write it down and I wanted to soak up every single fucking second of being loved because I genuinely didn’t know if I would ever get the chance again.

Standing in front of him for the first 24 hours, I was on top of the world. I was loved. I was worshipped. I was unbreakable. But after that euphoria gave way to reality, the conversations about me moving to California didn’t seem as exciting to him. He started petty fights and didn’t look at me like his world was in my eyes anymore.

The worst part of finally getting to feel all of the beautiful things that I wrote about being in a love I knew nothing about before him, was having to feel all of the soul crushing things that I wrote about after I thought I had failed at love, except this time it was so real that it really did break me into a million tiny pieces.

I literally watched him lose interest infront of me without the barrier of a screen to make it feel a little less human. He stopped holding my hand in the car, made heart-breaking attempts to pretend he still wanted to keep all of his promises, and tried to break up with me at a Portillos. I, of course, didn’t let that happen because nobody gets dumped at Portillos. I will be fucking damned if you try to ruin the world’s best goddamn beef sandwich for me, fucking asshole. 

I loved him so fucking much that when he called me after a week of the silent treatment, all I could say was “you promised me. You fucking promised me, Christian. You won, you got me, that actually hurts” and he was so cold and disassociated that I knew that he had. I had finally felt something and it went from being so beautiful and reckless and amazing to an earth shattering sound I can never reproduce clawing its way out of my throat and dragging me to my fucking knees in my garage. I had poured so much of myself into him that I didn’t even have the strength to get off the concrete for 15 minutes. I just laid there and cried when we hung up because I had been so stoic during the call. I remember he had said “Goodnight, Angela.” and I replied coldly with “Goodbye, Christian”.because I wanted to rob him of the opportunity to feel like he would be missed, like all of this meant anything, just like he had robbed me.

Christian was everything I projected onto all of those boys before about how I craved to be loved, and everything I had projected on those goodbyes before him that I fabricated to write gut-wrenching poetry.

The only hard part of that was actually feeling it, and I finally understand that I cannot ever write things because they sound good because someday I will have to feel them and I have to be incredibly careful what I wish for.

I found out in October 2019 that he had gotten into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up, and all the pain I had tried to pickle in vodka took a new breath of life, and it took me months to build peace with it again.

I didn’t even speak to a boy romantically for six months after that, which actually occurred a week ago... so there’s that for a timeline. We’ll get to present day soon, I swear.

Taylor, my beloved person, my forever friend, is gone. Not dead, just fucking gone. Christian and I had broken up in the beginning of July, she had gone through all that with me, gotten into a relationship with a guy named Ben who laughed like a goose and constantly saddled her with his alcohol issues (totally not judging because I have my own issues with alcohol but she didn’t and I wanted to protect her the best I could because I loved her so so much) (that ‘d’ was really hard to put after love, I guess it’s still raw). September came around, time for my birthday. I wasn’t particularly excited this year because if the depression and alcoholism and crippling loneliness, but she was determined to revive my normal birthday over-enthusiasm. So, she did, and when it came time... she couldn’t seem to follow through. 

She’s a beautiful writer, but I think every writer is guilty at some point in their life of having more beautiful words than beautiful actions, and this was hers.

An extravagant birthday dripping in mimosas and mani pedis before a night of dressing to the nines and going out on the town somehow got stripped down to Walmart face masks and painting each other’s nails at home for the weekend I had requested off work an entire month in advance... and I had to tell her that I could do that on a normal day, but not my birthday weekend. 

She got her wisdom teeth out just days before, and tried to tell me it wasn’t an appointment scheduled months in advance. I told her I was driving to Nashville for my birthday, and we could do a DIY spa day upon my return, but it really hurt me that she couldn’t be bothered to follow through with her promises, even if they weren’t as big in real life as they were in my inbox. She knew it was a dark time for me, and she put forth so little effort to build me back up the way I have always worked so hard to give her a big beautiful life full of laughter and stupid jokes and amazing memories.

We have spoken once since I sent that text. It was an accidental 2am FaceTime butt dial where she immediately hung up and said “sorry I left my phone open in my pocket”. I didn’t respond, and I lost my best friend because I told her that she hurt me, and the best way to deal with that is not to deal with it at all, I suppose.

Treasure and I reunited shortly after this, but not too shortly because I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need a “person” or a best friend or anyone because it had been such a horrible year for depending on others that I truly never wanted to do it ever again.

I got all of the best parts of Treasure back, the jokes, the stories, the laughing in unison, making everyone else in the room uncomfortable because the only ones that mattered to either of us was US. We were stupid but mentally sparred regularly, and kept eachother sharp on political, social, and emotional topics, and really worked to support and better eachother. In my time away from her, I grew my own voice, opinion, and sense of direction. This new characteristics allowed our friendship to flourish, and still is. She is still with DeAndre, and loves his son very much. I met him once, he”s smart and amazing and loves me. Her life is so filled with love, and I could see that she had found her corner of the universe. I was so happy to have her back in this new and healthy way, that it almost made it impossible to leave her.

Oh, here’s the kicker: I picked up my life and moved again, but this time? I moved to Seattle.

This is day 22 that I am wrapping up, 

and that’s exactly why I’m back, bitches.

[usagidoshii]

big chungus

Something I always felt very strongly about was that you could solve most problems by communicating. If you faced the problem head-on and you were willing to have an open dialogue with your problem--whether it is another person or something else--trying to understand it usually meant you solved the problem or at least made some progress. And even if it didn’t help solve the problem, at least you could talk about it. At least you didn’t bottle up those feelings and let that fuel your actions. A lot of change happened very quickly over the past few months, and every damn day it gets heavier and heavier, weighing down on my consciousness and making me feel like a piece of shit more every single goddamn minute.

The move from L.A. up to NorCal is not only the biggest change so far in my life, but a scary, and even more so, depressing change. I spent 19 years of my life in a small truck stop with a group of friends I can never replace, most of which I went through middle school and even elementary school with. And although I was separated from them after that, I still talked to them. The friends I made in high school, as great as they are, weren’t as genuine as a group I grew up with all my life. Everyone’s got problems, shit they need to get off their chest, and what a great way to do that other than meet up at a McDonald's parking lot or the abandoned burnt down house by the lake and just be together. It wasn’t anything special, but I felt at home. A place where I could be myself, and a place where I felt safest, nothing to worry about. Couple that with a large amount of the devils leh-tooce (lettuce) that we lit up, and it was a great time. It was the epitome of escapism.

Growing up was difficult enough for all of us, and I was feeling it harder than ever this last semester. But I always had my friends to fall back on--I would never leave my small little town after all. We’d be here forever, and everything would be okay. Even if my friends were busy, I thought I had another ally, one that would never leave my side. My girlfriend throughout the second half of my high school career was great. We had our issues, as every high school couple does. But she taught me a lot, broke me out of the box that I had unknowingly trapped myself into. I was selfish, jealous, and always suspicious. Despite that (and much more), she stuck it out with my dumbass. It was, without a doubt, my second home. She left to study abroad after we graduated, and even then, we stayed pretty strong. She had made me a much more understanding and patient person, and to this day I credit my growth to her. She was always going to be there.

The semester came to a close, my old house had already been sold and its new owner already moved in, ready to make new memories. Parting with the house itself was not as bad as I thought, but parting with the memories I cherished hit much harder. With the rest of my belongings in the car, I hit the road, my back turned to everything and everyone that was dear to me.

That brings me to the present, a few days after the start of the new year, and the start of a new environment. There’s nothing here. I love my house, I enjoy the area around me, but nothing is the same. My friends aren’t here. And the friends I might make here will never be the ones I left back home. I don’t feel like I belong here, I belong 360 miles south of here. I’ve been stripped of my identity, my relationships, both romantic and friends alike. I’m alone. Who am I to turn to? I can’t run from my problems anymore like I could at 3am with my friends. My ex would ghost me for a week at a time even when we were together. Smoking alone just feels shitty and at the end of it, I just feel stupid, lazy, and unconcerned. The escapism has turned into a perpetual cycle of just nothing. I always felt like you could solve most of your problems by communicating. But when I look around, I see nothing but the dark walls of my room in a bed that I never leave, and a locked door I never open unless I need to go to the bathroom or eat.

Everything I do feels so unfulfilling, and I realize that my own perception of my situation doesn’t help anything. I’m aware that this is also just a plea for someone to pay attention to me, but I am pretty lonely after all. I’ve reduced my time to swiping on Tinder trying to find someone to satiate the ugly sexual frustration that I have because I can't find meaning in anything else at the moment. 

And even though writing this didn’t help jack shit, at least I feel a little better--so at least I was right about that. I want to be stronger than this, but I’m having a hard time finding the means to do that. Hopefully, I find that soon so I can crawl out of the well of sadness that I myself have propped up and become complacent with.