#until it really sinks in

[firemedicdiaz]

It’s over.

It’s finally over.

I’m free.

Had my final appointment at the cancer clinic today.  It was a pelvic exam and colposcopy to make sure that I was all healed up inside after the hysterectomy and that there were no traces of any abnormalities.  I’d been anxious about the appointment for WEEKS.

It wasn’t my surgeon who saw me, it was one of her associates, but she was so kind and understanding and empathetic that I felt good about it going into the procedure. The procedure itself was super un-fun given how one of the symptoms of menopause is vaginal dryness/atrophy.  All the lube in the world didn’t make that speculum go in any easier and it hurt like hell, but once it was in place it was fine.

After a thorough look and feel and a LOT of anxiety on my part, the doctor pronounced me fully healed and fit to return to all activities.  She said that there is no need for them to see me again, that this is it, but that if I have any concerns come up or any questions in the future or issues related to any pelvic health, to give them a call back and they’d take me back on without question.

That said, though, I never need another pelvic exam.  I never need another pap test.  I never need to deal with all of the menstrual bullshit again.  I can bid cancer goodbye and good riddance.

It’s actually, finally over.

[queerofthedagger]

i've been without warm water for two weeks now and like, the first one shit not getting fixed was my fault but now my landlord is dragging his feet and doing nonsense and i gotta call for the 4th time now and finally make an actual fuss and like. on the one hand i hate making a fuss cause i'm not actually a bitch when i can help it, but on the other i haven't had a warm shower in two weeks, I've worked 70 hours in 5 days, and it's a landlord so unfortunately for them they are now about to get the full experience of Me Being Done With Shit let's go

[nonasbirthday]

can’t believe the girl Gideon loves is in love with Gideon’s dad’s ex. pour one out for Gideon Nav’s love life

[dragonwithafez]

wait so roswaal j mathers was the current roswaal's grandmother and also past incarnation of him or whatever you want to call it. his previous body is what im getting at. does that mean roswaal has memories of birthing himself. thats fucked up.

[doyou000me]

Okay, so.... *steeps fingers together, takes a deep breath*

I started watching Pit Babe fully expecting it to be trash, but I'd heard there was omegaverse stuff in it and I got curious. Were they really making an omegaverse series?? If so, how far will they take it? Call it a social study, if you will.

I was not prepared for it to hook me, but here we are. Episode 7 with canon-confirmed mpreg and I'm loving it, cackling like a maniac as I'm going through the tag to see the uproar. I'm having way too much fun. Someone take this show from me and put my sanity back.

This chaos is magnificent and I love it.

More, please.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

[why-bless-your-heart]

Okay.

I’m doing it.

I’m doing the dishes.

[twitterdotcom]

Shout-out to everything that went wrong with ofmd s2 from production issues to bad pacing to killing Izzy because that effectively drained almost all of the creative energy out of my side of the fandom because now Im reading books again!

[rose-tinted-vision]

ok so I'm an emotional mess after finishing My Journey to You and forever doomed to like the side characters, I decided if the directors won't give me a scene of Gong Zishang reacting to Xiaohei/Hua gongzi's death then I'll write it myself.

[its up on ao3 too!]

Fic: 远山如昨 | the distant mountains are like yesterday

Relationships: Gong Zishang & Xiaohei | Young Master Hua, slight Gong Zishang/Jin Fan

Spoilers for the ending of My Journey to You (云之羽)

not beta read btw so it might not make sense

Was listening to this song while writing this

Gong Zishang is strangely subdued today, with none of her usual put-on flairs or prancing, which worries Jin Fan. There was barely a peep from her, no surprise visits or ambushes. In fact, he had only seen her once today, which could be considered abnormal enough to be alarming.

Of course, it had only been two weeks since they held the funeral for Elder Hua, Young Master Hua and Young Master Xue, thus the estate was still in a state of mourning for those they lost in the battle against Wufeng, but even then she had hardly left his side through the entire mourning period.

Jin Fan had not realised how much he had been relying on Gong Zishang to bring some levity into the situation, how much he relied on her to bring some brightness into the difficulties his position often put him in.

The others seemed to have picked up on her strange mood too, if Gong Ziyu's constipated expression was any indicator. Heck, even Gong Yuanzhi had offered to check her medical condition, free of charge. Perhaps she affected more than everyone had assumed before.

He finds her later that afternoon perched on the leg of the giant terracotta warrior in her workshop, discreetly wiping at the corners of her eyes as she held onto a notebook.

"Zishang?" he makes sure to step loudly, so as not to startle her.

"Don't," she hiccups, turning her face away to hastily compose herself, "Just wait there for a while, Jin Fan."

He obeys, taking note of the messy workshop while waiting. It's messy- it always is, with how much time Gong Zishang puts into her research. He does not understand how the servants can discredit her when she tries so hard, is so much smarter than she lets on- there is evidence of her hard work, proof of the many hours put into her latest weapons.

"It's rare for you to come looking for me, Jin Fan," Gong Zishang trills, doing a twirl on her way over, "Did you miss me? They often say, absence makes the heart fonder, perhaps I should try that more often, if it is effective in bringing you to my door," 

She looks the same as ever, but he sees the redness of her eyes, notices how her tone does not have the same energy in it, and it breaks his heart that she thinks she has to keep up her mask even around him.

Do their years of friendship not mean anything?

"Zishang," Jin Fan catches her, floundering a little at the close proximity. He should be used to this by now, with how touchy she usually is, but it is hard to remain unaffected. "Were you crying?"

"Oh my, how improper," Gong Zishang pulls away, effecting a gasp as she does so, "you really shouldn't go around asking ladies if they have been crying, don't you know we don't like showing that side of ourselves to the person we like?" 

Jin Fan frowns. Some of the things she says really just go over his head half the time, but he can pick up on her deflection.

"Did someone you know…" he swallows, unable to finish the question at the way her face crumbles, the tears starting to leak out again.

He tries to recall the list of the deceased, unable to come up with anyone that Gong Zishang was close to- she hardly interacted with anyone else other than him and Gong Ziyu- and then he remembers. 

When Gong Ziyu set his plan into motion, they had enlisted the help of the Young Masters from the back hill. Gong Zishang had arrived with Young Master Hua in tow.

Jin Fan does not know if he should ask. Neither does he know how to comfort her. He never had to, not with the way she had only showed everyone her carefree side. The eldest daughter could not show weakness, after all. He settles on pulling her in for a hug, awkwardly patting her back as she burrows her face into his chest.

"Xiaohei…was my first friend," she finally says after a while, slightly muffled, "he didn't care that I'm a woman representing the Shang lineage or treat me like a joke."

That hardly made any sense to Jin Fan, who did not know who this Xiaohei was- though if he had to make a guess, it would probably be Young Master Hua- and he did not know that Gong Zishang had been meeting with anyone.

"Xiaohei was my research partner," Gong Zishang continues, pulling away to take a shaky breath, "we were experimenting with the gunpowder load and explosion range," she walks over to the terracotta statue and brings over the notebook.

Jin Fan takes the proffered item, though he knows the content will hardly make any sense to him. It's only when he notices the sect motif embossed on the cover that he realises why Gong Zishang passed it to him.

It is the Hua lineage notebook.

"They brought some of Young Master Hua's notes to the Shang house today. His notes are very meticulous, he even thought of how to improve our current Mountain Destroyer already," Gong Zishang tries for a watery smile, hastily swiping at her eyes, "he also just wanted his father to acknowledge him, so we had similar goals to work towards,"

Her words stun Jin Fan, because he knows. He knows that the Shang lineage head was particularly traditional, and barely gave Gong Zishang any scrap of affection, which is why she always ran to the Yu courtyard, to Madam Wuji, who never failed to comfort her.

But he did not know that she had been so lonely.

It had been necessary to distance himself, because he knew that his life had an expiry date. Until Gong Ziyu inevitably took the Three Realms test. He could not afford to lead Gong Zishang on, could not let her get too close. Yet in doing so, he had hurt her anyway.

"I knew Gong Ziyu's plan included Xiaohei protecting the Infinite Flame, but I didn't know he planned to sacrifice himself," Gong Zishang said fiercely, not bothering to hide her tears now, as she curled into herself. Jin Fan gingerly pulls her back into his embrace, not trusting himself to do anything else.

He does not know what to say.

Apart from their brief teamup during the prison break- he had found it strange that Gong Zishang was acting so comfortable around Young Master Hua, when it should have been their first time meeting, given that the back hill lineage were not supposed to enter the front hill- but had dismissed it at that time. It had been too hectic, executing the plan having taken up all of his attention.

He does not know enough about Young Master Hua, does not know just how much their friendship meant to Gong Zishang. He does not feel qualified to say anything, and trying to console her at this moment would seem too much like empty platitudes.

"I don't blame the Sword Wielder, don't worry," she hastily adds on, curling a fist over his robes, "I just wish my friend didn't have to die,"

[stars-and-bards]

fear and hunger to me is like oh haha! Wowie! A game where people in a festival are forced to kill each other!!!! and then late at night at 1am you're up wide awake disturbed because "holy shit that's a game where people in a festival are forced to kill each other"

[sysig]

Roleswap(?) (Patreon)

[iguessricciardo]

.

[itspileofgoodthings]

Is It Over Now? is a song for future me to love and appreciate.

[prettyboyscollection]

(draft from my main, disclaimer for anyone who sees this: this blog is primarily a porn blog and stupid debating will be ignored or laughed at, you can try it but i dont care)

ive seen a lot of people incorrectly thinking that the trans people wanting to be acknowledged in reproductive rights discussions are all trans women, and as a result a lot of backlash to more gender neutral language in those discussions is like “you’ll never be a woman” “you’ll never be pregnant, so this doesn’t concern you” “‘males’ will never know the weight of this sort of decision, we don’t have to include you in this” and/or claiming that trans women throw tantrums and whine about dysphoria when it comes to about female-exclusive language and discussions about pregnant people

(they do not btw. i have never seen or heard a trans women interrupt a cis women and say that someone talking about periods or reproduction or anything to say they’re making her dysphoric, that discussing periods is transphobic, etc. and even if this hypothetical trans woman exists…… trans people are not a monolith. a few trans people saying stuff like that does not mean all trans people believe it.)

in reality, the people pushing for more neutral language… are trans men and nonbinary people who can get pregnant. “pregnant people” or “people with uteruses” or “people who menstruate” are not terms that exclude cis women, nor are trans people claiming that this language is being used to include trans women who can’t get pregnant (which is all of them, in the current world)

gender-neutral language with respect to reproductive rights (like abortion) is not misogynistic or erasing women or anything like that. frankly, i think it’s really fucking telling that people think that defining womanhood and being female by reproductive capability is cool and woke and feminist. “if you can have children, you’re always going to be female” is an outdated belief that doesn’t serve anyone but cis women and instead harms anyone who’s not a woman but can get pregnant.

“pregnant people” does not erase women, it just includes non-women who can also get pregnant. that’s all. it’s acknowledging a fact. it’s not some long-con game to remove cis women from existence, it’s literally just acknowledging that not all people who can get pregnant are women

[phoenix-flamed]

And the way Elwin interacts with Joshua and Clive when he returns to Rosalith, and even his brief interaction with Jill, like... something as simple as telling her to lift her head up

He's interested in what Joshua has to share with him??? and. and.

AND THE FUCKING CHESTBUMP. I LOVE THE CHESTBUMP AND I WILL NEVER NOT HAVE MY ELWIN DO THAT TO HIS BOYS BECAUSE IT'S SO CUTE

me, screaming over Elwin again? yeah. yeah. this happens a lot

[wizardlyghost]

...the local takeaway place i go to very often added the edited pasta i usually get to their menu. with my name on it. for anyone who has their app to see. on the one hand, that's very nice of them, but on the other, :|