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topnotchquark · 5 months

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Will need to channel my inner Pecco for the next few months ahead 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

#digging myself into a hole then hopefully digging myself out of a hole #carrying a mountain on my shoulders but trying not to look like it #needing to do something purely for my desire to prove my worth when nobody really expects it #staying set and determined despite the fear #using everything I have at my disposal #looking at my own floppage in the eyes and accepting it and living through it without letting it tighten around my throat too much #🚬🚬🚬#I will dip in and out of this blog for a bit but I love everyone and I will be back very soon #personal

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ilynpilled · 1 year

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why must everything that the text clearly states atp be misconstrued like i really dont get it he has plenty of flaws in that relationship but we, and cersei, know that he was ready to kill robert for just the disrespect of the cheating if cersei said the word. he doesnt concern himself with the personal consequences, he is reckless, detached from a lot of things, and can close his eyes at the future if he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. also the concern over the “shame” and ned type judgement feels so overestimated to me atp. he never regrets aerys, he is mad at how he is perceived (but again, notably doesnt try to rectify it by telling the truth for a lot of complex reasons), but he would never take it back. if he believes its the right thing to do, and is not overdosing on copium trying to juggle vows he cares about, he will do it, reputation be damned. though he has selfish concerns regarding being viewed as good, the internal matters so much more than the external: see weirwood dream: who actually shows up? what makes the fire go out? “it was not him. it was never him”, see the trebuchet fiasco, see the choice in adwd. why shouldnt we take cersei at face value when she implies that if jaime knew about the physical abuse he would have killed him? he loves and cares about cersei to an insane degree, even if he can be selfish toxic and unhealthy too. not to mention he would be glad to kill robert anyway lol. i really find it very very difficult to imagine that he wouldnt have killed him based on almost every single part of his characterization.

#ik its better to reply than to do this but i dont use my twitter for fandom and i keep seeing this general sentiment over and over again #like it makes him so inconsistent and nonsensical #i don’t understand this whole jaime was never there for cersei prehandloss he was at her disposal for almost everything he would have maime #a child just bc she asked like what???#u think that wouldnt have shamed him??#he gave up almost everything for her at 15 #and im gonna be real if u r frustrated by jaime burning the letter being framed as this grand triumphant redemptive choice #by people #which i get i dont think its framed like that either #its just as unfair to treat it as the opposite #it is the end of a certain delusion #which is why the joanna dream is the focal point #and #he can divorce himself he has no obligation to die to try save her atp #and remain her sword #i dont see him as the literal devil for that sorry #i feel like some of u feel the need to misconstrue his character to make some of these choices out to be as bad as possible

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marxism-transgenderism · 2 months

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#and i feel like im going insane trying ti map out the full extent of the transmisogyny of it all #when i tried to help him with the frustrations he was having with his friend and defended the friend even slightly #he accused me of talking like the friend was my actual boyfriend and told me to go run away with him #when he broke a fuck ton of glass in our bathroom his clean up was even more half assed than usual cause of the state he was in #so even as he apologized to me and called his behaviour abuse and used all the right words #it was still me cleaning up after his abuse literally with a broom and mop #i still freak out at rhe very idea of broken glass and i know that trigger isnt going away anytime soon #and i still didnt leave after that #then him and his friend took so many of my words out of context to essentially accuse me of emotional cheating with people on here #and i cant think about that conversation without thinking about how yall on here have talked about abusers using cheating accusations #and when we finally broke uo he couldnt help but keep giving me permission for things #permission to throw something of his in a lake #permission to let my friends talk shit and be mean #but then when i had something mean to say afterwards and he saw it by checking my blog #he punished me for it by doing everything he could tk scare thr shit out of me #cause even as we were broken uo he hadnt given me permission to talk shit #only to listen to my friends #and even after all that him and his friend still expected that i would share my car and weed for them to use #and i still did with the car cause im either wonderful for dumb as hell #probably both #then after all that his friend cut me off as a friend using the fact that i had asked him why he was refusing to even look at me and if we #were cool to say i was demanding and pushing him and not respecting his boundaries #he used me asking why i was being treated as a pariah to justify treating me as a pariah #after all i had refused to still be a punching bag #i stopped buying him weed #so it was time for me to be disposed of #and even as they disposed of me they still expected me to live in that house for another fucking month with them #i was used and disposed of by two of the people i was closest with #one of whom i would have married eventually if he hadnt pushed it over the edge

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dying-suffering-french-stalkers · 6 months

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I think vacation agencies should also help you bully your employer into giving you reasonable vacation time

#not to be american but i hate it here #one week; MAYBE a week and a half per year if you take it all together (and are allowed to do so) is not sufficient!#i don't generally consider myself a restless person (the blog title is a song lyric not a modus operandi)#but boy i sure wish i had more flexibility. in everything‚ really #give me agency or give me death. etc. i can theoretically go so many places with a u.s. passport And Yet.#even just seeing other parts of the us would be pretty neat but that's hard to do if i only ever have 2-3 days at my disposal #(will i ever stop making the same complaint about travel on here? no.)

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lavenderjewels · 1 year

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Never getting over this scene. the chapters right before this of gojo thinking quickly while dozens of people get killed but not hesitating in making risks. all this cool guy behavior only to be completely frozen by the corpse of his best friend saying his name. right when there’s a flashback of jogo saying not even a thousand lives could distract him, but kenjaku knowing without a doubt geto’s could.

Then gojo immediately experiencing for the first time what he just put others through by activating his domain. Reliving years of his past actions and experiences with geto (who marked his “youth”) in just a moment.

Meanwhile, Kenjaku is taunting Gojo for not getting rid of Geto’s body or forgetting Geto when we know Kenjaku fully centered their plan around Gojo being affected by Geto. And with Kenjaku knowing Geto’s memories, Gojo’s last words to him, and the throw away line that Gojo couldn’t destroy the body after JJK 0 despite acting positive afterwards with his students... It’s so heartbreaking, but incredibly written

#jjk spoilers #gojo satoru #geto suguru #kenjaku #id in alt #satosugu #there’s also just. a lot with the light novel (technically not canon so yknow) mentioning gojo trying not to get nostalgic and make faces #when getting ready to kill geto #combined with not disposing properly of his body and recent chapters with wanting to properly mourn/bury him..#it’s pretty clear gojo just. has not fully processed everything that happened #and kenjaku being kenjaku used it against him #not like it’s the first time they’ve used someone’s love to emotional manipulate someone using a corpse 😰#anyways it’s one of my fav manga moments and just everything. the villainy the reveal the themes gojos having a distinct weakness #chef’s kiss #this isn’t even an analysis or anything and I feel like this scenes are constantly brought up by fans #but idc I’ll add to it #this is also just about gojos side but wow when you consider Geto’s role in the story too and in these moments. that’s a whole other thing 😭#but I already rambled too much

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squisheebugdoodles · 2 months

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Okay Here Is The Problem: everything costs money and yet money is something that i just literally never have. solution? kill the idea of money so that nothing costs anything Please. i'm so tired

#despite making more money w/ my commissions than ever before this year #i am still. not able to save up literally even one (1) single penny of it bc of bills #i have to make like 600 every month just to break even at like 5 dollars in my acct #please i am so fucking tired #i want to get myself things and do shit #i want to buy things for archie and jack's dog and for the house so that things are better for all of us #i want to be able to afford snacks more than once every three months like if i maybe want a bag of chips #instead of saving up for three months and going 'yeah okay 5 dollars for a normal sized bag of chips is finally worth it' ?????????????????#why the fuck are chips so expensive that is potatoes and spices and like all of it is automated hello?? what are we fucking paying for?????#ANYWAYS.#i am just fucking. Tired #due to recent events I was like #'okay how much are dog treadmills.... oh. i see. i will never be able to afford that even after three years saving. got it'#there are five hundred fundraisers on my dash (BARELY hyperbole) every single day and everybody needs help #so i COMPLETELY get people not having a ton of disposable funds this isn't me complaining about that i'm just.#i wish that i sometimes had money so that i could MAYBE save anything up or y'know. have ANYTHING to show for it #bc right now i am working full time at this job (commission/freelance artist and adopt maker etc) and making like maybe 4 dollars an hour #which is great bc when i started i was only getting about $0.11 an hour but like. that's still not. Good. For all the time i put into it #but due to circumstances and situations this is about all i'm physically and mentally able to do here and i LIKE doing commission but it's #not really. getting me anywhere and i just want to afford things finally.#i'm 27 and everything i own fits in one room and almost all of it was gifted to me for free bc i couldn't afford to get it on my own #delete later i'm just so tired man

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sysig · 6 months

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One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax!#Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!!#It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!!#Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u;#Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to -#Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/#It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :')#Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone?#''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔#That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :)#I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol)#I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers!#Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

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screamingay · 3 months

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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol

#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light #enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through #the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps #they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us #they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there #we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own #and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do #theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom #and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open #for 2 minutes straight #theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to #refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it #and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat #one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean #more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will #stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor #(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out #nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just #likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that #but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other #to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for #student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment #but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates #ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff #but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days #even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth #but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything #like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying

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stonersolana · 5 months

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it's so fun when the people who took everything from you claim to be the real victims. like, y'all want to dump a years-long friendship in a dumpster fire just cause you're in a romantic relationship and that's the only thing that matters to you, go fucking ahead. but don't pretend to be the victim when you were the one who destroyed it.

you don't get to take literally everything from me and claim that you were the real victim when the only thing you didn't take was the skin off my bones.

#sunbun speaks #i keep having nightmares/memories of the 3-ish people who literally left me with nothing but the clothes on my back #and kept asking for more because it wasn't enough #or the fact that every single one of them basically turned into whoever their partner wanted them to be and would ditch their own parents #if their partner told them they didn't like them anymore #using me as a scapegoat whenever they had negative feelings and accuse me of being the source instead of a voice of reason #or just straight up getting pissed at me when i wasn't going to play their toxic game #and by the end of it all i had nothing: no clothes or any of my stuff no money nowhere to go and no friends #they destroyed my life while i was barely a blip in theirs #people who grew up with wealthy parents are fucking pricks #because yeah that's another thing they all had in common other than being codependent af: they all grew up with upper-middle class parents #they just took and took and took and tossed me aside #cause btw it's really hard to get back a lifetimes worth of stuff in only a few years with no money #i still remember everything they took from me and not just material possessions #and in the end they wanted me to apologize to them for being inadequate in filling my role as emotional punching bag #only for none of them to feel any remorse and get mad at me for implying they did anything that i didn't deserve #even looking at my life now i only have my partner and my kids #as much as i try i can't fix the fact that I'm autistic which means i will always struggle with human interaction #so it's not like it's easy to make friends #especially not friends who don't religiously devote themselves at the alter of toxic monogamy and view anyone else as 'extra' and disposable #in a matter of three years those three people took everything from me and despite it being 6 years later i am STILL recovering what i lost #how can you destroy someone's life who never did anything to you and still consider yourself the victim

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bombusbombus · 10 months

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How long can I procrastinate learning how to shave before I look like shit... 🤔

#sometimes I wonder if I should have a personal ramblings tag #but I also want to weed out my weak followers #this was supposed to be my sideblog where I'm absolutely feral ham unhinged & nobody knows me #if my follower count gets too high I might get self conscious. so. rent lowering personal posts #if you cant take me at my random 11:30 thoughts you dont deserve me at my #uhhhhhhhh.#:T #either way I cant ask my dad to teach me how to shave because my dad's idea of skincare is a chunk of pumice and a bar of handsoap #he dorsnt use shave gel or shave cream he does that shit DRY. IN HIS CAR BEFORE WORK #he buys disposable 2 bladed razors in 10 packs for like $10 and they get rusty so fast #actually y'know. I could probably teach myself how to shave just by doing everything he isn't #either way I only have 2 beard hair. nobody can see #they can probably see the half inch long military grade peach fuzz in my sideburns zone but that's an acceptable level of scrungly #it's all blond so far anyways so hard to see #if it starts coming in red (it will probably eventually be red) it'll stand out more and I'll have to shave more often 🥲#if only MY VOICE WOULD BREAK #cute person came up to me and said hi and complemented my cloak on the street and I replied #but my voice was so squeaky and they immediately left and I was left thinking like #did theh assume I was a 14 year old boy. they must've assumed I was a 14 year old boy. fuck #I'm 21 I PROMISE I'm just doing second puberty. like a hobbit #either way if you ever see me putting all my thoughts in the tags it's cause I have a bad case of “don't take up too much space”#which is stupid. but growth is a nonlinear process

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dreaminterlude · 2 years

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not to make this a public diary but every time i hang out with crush and he reveals another observation about me i feel insane. today he mentioned that i’m very perceptive and good at reading others, and also very empathetic, both things he’s mentioned before, even when we had only been friends for a month. today he was struggling to figure out how to tell me this, but that he thinks i’m fun and funny, and the way he said it seemed like he was surprised by it. but it’s interesting because people get to know me in the opposite direction: fun/funny -> perceptive -> empathetic. idk i just think it’s funny that

#i should make a tag for him but idk what #also my friend took a bunch of pics on her disposable camera and he said that the one of ours is his fav #i know this sounds very romantic but it’s not at all coming from him. unfortunately #also today he said it’s important that the person he’s with can speak or learn his language #and then later when turkish came up he asked how much i knew and then said that we should learn it together 🙆‍♀️#because his language and turkish are very similar. anyways i feel crazy every time i interact with him #he looked so sexy driving today lol #and then when he rolled his sleeves up at the hookah lounge and poured everyone tea…god his manners make him so hot too #and when we sat together. i love sitting next to him and i love when our hand brush when we’re doing the most mundane things together #it means nothing to him and everything to me and i feel everything and i have to live with that #anyways i’m done this is so humiliating #maybe i’ll share the pic of us together i love it so much #i want him to like me so bad #and think about me when i’m not there #and miss me #sgb

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arcadequeerz · 11 months

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HhrHG

#Cade.vnt #money is. really tight. mom is panicking all the time because we barely have money to buy food n she #doesn't know how we're going to afford to use the heat this winter #the only reason i still have wifi is because my brother pays for it #our washer is broken and our garbage disposal broke.#everything costs so much fucking money i am simply tired. existing and living costs so much fucking money im tired #i need to go to the doctors n try n get someone to lisren to me but who knows ehen i'll be able to #i need to try n get disability but they've denied me twice.#been trying to get a appointment w a therapist but no one ever returns our calls or takes my insurance #i am going insane. every resource i've tried using doesn't fucking work #i have been trying to get help for the past 3 years and it seems like no one gives a shit #i'm going to curl into a ball and let myself rot i think at this point.

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foxpunk · 2 years

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what i REALLY need is Money for like. an actual Desktop PC, a couple of external drives, a raspberry pi or two, and then i'd be able to self-host whatever i want and i'd never have to deal with google or microsoft or apple or whatever the fuck the latest big cloud storage and cloud collaboration bullshit is ever again unless by pain of death

#ky speaks #like. i have the know-how i just have literally NO disposable income (or income in general) for it #also. technically i would be using a 'cloud storage + collab' thing but it would be self-hosted not managed by some damn company or whateve #i hate cloud services and the stranglehold they have on everything #GIVE ME BACK MY SHIT I HATE IT HERE #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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hoeforcheol · 1 year

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I got back to the house today and showered. She wrote I Love You on the mirror. I’m trying not to worry about it but I’m really hoping she wrote that for herself

#shark week is upon us cuz our cycles are synced #so I won’t be getting my hopes up about anything she might say #I’m keeping my walls up #and my boundaries set #my parents would let me stay another night too if I needed it #they actually encouraged me to stay there tonight #but I’m focusing on work rn #if she tries to ask me about anything serious #I’m making her follow the 3 week rule #since everything just blew up with rebound #we’re too vulnerable rn #and i don’t want to feel disposable anymore #but I’ll probably still be living there in 3 weeks #my parents offered to help me get a place #and I want to take them up on it regardless #even if we did try again #it will be way healthier #and I won’t have to feel so unsafe around her brother #I’ll finally have a place to sleep where im not concerned about someone kicking me out #my cousin would help pay my pet rent too #so I can keep my cat #I hope this shit gets easier soon

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sexyleon · 1 year

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I’m just actually a little insane gremlin person like really I’m so impulsive I don’t believe in saving money I just be buying tickets to concerts and planning weekend trips to different states and using all my PTO and more to go overseas and buying expensive gifts for my besties and eating out all the time

#I used to be homeless so don’t @ me lmao #I think I’ve just realised that even with my shitty rinkydinky job money is meaningless if you don’t live #and yes bills and everything and I’m definitely privileged now to have disposable income #idk I would rather let the future comes when it comes you know #we are here for a short time not a long time #plz no sexyleon

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positivelyghastly · 2 years

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Looking at tarantula enclosures and remembering I have a whole college diploma that gave me the skills to build one way better for half the cost is my equivalent to those tiktoks of people doing home DIY

#personal #literally I can buy everything I need to build my own version of a tarantula cribs enclosure for like £20 #and I don’t even need to shell out for any tools because my friend has a workshop I can use #screw your £60 acrylic cube. I’ll make my own!#when I have the disposable income to do so!

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