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canaidliafail · 1 year

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Stay grounded pt.4

[ part 5]

streamer abby x streamer reader 🌿 MDI

notes: alright so this was long. almost 4k words if Im right but its cause I had a lot I wanted to say. This episode is a lil more depressing then the rest since I spoke a bit on loss & trauma. I hope you don’t mind that and still enjoy reading it 🤍 it does end on a very positive note though :>

CW: trauma and mentions of loss of parental figures, sexual content, alcohol usage and Abby being a community strap

•ABBY’s POV•

•if I leave, maybe I can start again , Do right on the wrongs and have a better chance •

_________

In your darkest hours, when it's most difficult to stay afloat you will find yourself in absolute cold white solitude . It's not that you don’t have friends, it's that your fall tends to happen when everyone is away,

you friends will have exams or an important event, your parents will most likely be drowning in work.

such is the course of life. So with bared teeth and a tense jaw you have no choice but to march on. Abby's downfall came in the form of persistent nightmares where she would see her dad. Every year near his death’s anniversary she would become a shell of herself and in those weak moments she leaped back into old habits and sought out comfort in old connections. Until the consequences of those actions caught up to her and she paid double the price in fallen friendships and blackmail

In grief your judgment is clouded. Your anger takes the best of you but see, the world doesn’t owe you an apology.You know, you don’t get over a loved one's death. You just learn to live with it. Live with that and every other hard bitter truth. And that's what Abby learned to do.

_________

Abby enjoyed her routine and the way she had neatly organized every aspect of her life. She maintained a perfect balance of secrecy and exposure and kept everything under wraps, emotions included. Her manager did occasionally usher her to post more scandalous things since she was about to open an onlyfans but abby remained adamant that her crowd would find out about it without her saying so much as a word

Everything had a plan and purpose and everything was peaceful. Until you came into her life out of nowhere. She could not understand why did her mind stay so hangup on your name after that stream but she was sure she had seen it before.

perhaps in a fanart or maybe a shoutout?

so she went to check that day her socials until she saw your repost and the familiar username popped up cottoncandy

she looked at it and went through your profile and hated how intrigued she was by your interests but mostly by your appearance. There was something too unique to pass by and so she had decided to close her phone and go to the gym.

I can not allow someone in my life right now. Everything is in its place and it just…it wont work

She tried to convince herself while getting dressed. But you lingered in her mind like a vulture circling around waiting to pounce. There was a girl at her gym, one that she didn't know her name but she was presentable and had a spunky attitude and most importantly, really wanted Abbys attention. Abby was in the middle of taking a break between sets and took off her cap to wipe her face from the sweat with her gym towel. The girl approached her then and had her usual chatter that often times lasted around three…maybe four minutes. This time she was determined to ask Abby out. And Abby normally would agree without giving much thought into it. Nora once had called her community strap and she hated how well that nickname fit. When the question came though Abby found herself putting on her black hat back on and lowering it enough that the shadow would cover her eyes,rejecting the expecting girl curtly and went back to her sets with more force than usual. Because nothing today went “as it usually fucking would”

When she went back home she spent a good few hours stalking you and then another few denying she did that.

she texted Nora who unceremoniously left her on

read

“fuck” abby mumbled

It had been…years since she felt a spark of interest towards someone. Sure she was sexually active. Ever since she had her sexuality figured out she spent a year making up for lost time sleeping left and right with every woman that winked at her. However none of those girls -which did not lack in wit or looks in any way- piqued her interest. So she was bothered by you and why you were on her mind so much. She doom scrolled your entire page and when that was no longer enough she searched your YouTube channel to find your videos. 2.

Only two videos which meant thats how much it took for you to move to streaming. She rested on her couch and Alice whined next to her

“I do not need my own dog bullying me right now” she growled and Alice laid on her bed feigning innocence. She put your video playing in the background.and would chuckle at your jokes and then she would actually break into loud laughter and would replay a moment in awe. Eventually when wrapping up the video you sat back and had a talk in response to an older question

-I like this game.it speaks on the experience of loss which ,well…anyone who has personally lived through it would know how isolating that feeling is. I like that. Most importantly I like that depending on where you are in life you will take a very different message from this game, the purpose of revenge, forgiveness or acceptance. Or maybe something else that I am not in that stage to grasp yet. Highly recommend you guys play it as well-

She was taken aback. She didn't expect this video to end on such a note and she felt her heart ache. Not in pain but in something else entirely. Her frustration turned into delight. She started liking what you did to her and that was enough for her to make a move

___________

Ellie and Abby had a weird relationship. Abby no longer hated her but she didn’t like her either, however being in the same community and city meant you would have to be involved one way with one another thus she took the smart, professional decision to keep things civil. It was her managers request really, no. It was a demand actually but she followed through. So while they occasionally would post a pic whenever they hang out, Abby wanted nothing more to do with her unless necessary and she believed that the feelings were mutual.

However when she saw Ellie take notice of you the way she had something snapped. Abby had the privilege of being in Ellie “close friends” story and saw the upcoming comment of her admiring you and she got jealous. so she had to pull something. Something to keep you focused on her.

Her insecurities always got the best of her in times like this and when it happened she was irrational. She decided buying you that beloved statue that you mentioned more than once on your streams would send the message clearly

you didn’t. Because gifts were anonymous. But someone did get the message a few days later

“explain this purchase please” he asked mad and impatient

“Thought you wanted me to branch out and go international. She is an upcoming streamer and-“

“oh. So its a she. Explains a lot then. Should I be concerned for more large expenses on behalf of your breaching out?”

said her manager with a sharp tone. Abby pursed her lips and looked up and away in concentration. Truthfully she was bad at this. at being professional. That's why she had a manager. She forgot to account for the fact that the transactions she made went through him, which was usually a good thing. She forgot why now, but it was

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid…well-“

she tried and she heard Isaacs deep breathing on the other line

“yes?”

silence

“abby speak. I’ve known you long enough”

“So I thought of sending her a video…would that be good?”

“I do not want to know about your private sex life”

“no see I won’t directly send it…”

more silence. Abby chewed on her lip and rubbed her neck. She was sitting on her gaming chair ready to film and she was hot and ready enough which she feared Isaacs boring tone would turn her off and would ruin her plan

“It has to be behind a paywall. Abby this is business and even though I don’t want to ruin whatever fairytale shit you are living in you can’t keep doing whatever you want, you have a name and”

she put he phone on speaker and left it on her desk. she walked to her kitchen, made a coffee and filled alices bowl with food. when she went back to the room Isaac was still talking

“alright so how much should I charge?”

“400. The way you usually do”

“400?! There’s no way she will pay that- She doesn’t even know it will be sent only to her” she protested and he groaned

“200?” she asked

“250 and that's final” and he finally hung up. She smiled and once she was back and ready she started filming.

it started slow and she didn’t really intend to go too far. just enough to give you a taste of her. She had a very clear image of you in her head. Eventually though her thoughts drifted to you between her thighs, on your knees and ready to taste her. She let out a sigh and her fingers circled her clit in slow motions. she pictured you biting the waistband and asking for permission, looking up at her with those lovely eyes. your voice came a lot cleared than she expected

“Can I? abs?” and she groaned and let out a chocked

-fuck- as her hand went lower and she started fingering herself. She tried to fool herself that it was your tongue against her folds instead of her rough calloused fingers

“fuck cotton-“ she whispered and folded in on herself as she started thrusting harder still not getting the satisfaction that she craved. she wanted to feel you. On top of her riding her strap and beneath her as she rode your face. She knew you would look good all messed up, makeup ruined from the heated session.

What did you sound like when you moaned ? Were you loud in bed ? did you talk a lot? were you shy?

Fuck I wanna know…I need to know you

and with that she came. she grabbed her phone and the 20 minute video she had planned had to be cut at the 3 minute mark due to her stupidity calling out your name. Loud and clear too. she sat on the floor and stared at the footage for a good few minutes before sending it and waiting with the tab open.

within the first hour she already feared that you would buy the video. she even considered deleting it and sending it for free. she could deal with Isaac tomorrow

but few minutes later she saw the pending turn to paid

_________

Almost as if in another timeline, she had to visit a professional on matters she deemed unimportant, and if they ever mattered to her, she now forgot why.

Abbys therapist was a woman cunning and smart and could decode everything about Abby. They had been working for a year. That was the longest that Abby ever stuck with the same therapist before running away in anger at the lack of progress. She was unsure if this one helped, but she did find herself accepting her anger and coming to terms with it. She would still cry about it and she would always stay spiteful to her peers that still had their parents close.

“I’m happy that you seem more willing to open up your heart again Abby. I have to ask though. Are you sure this isn’t a hopeful trauma bond that you are seeking to create?”

“No, definitely not. Sure I liked that she seemed more insightful and all but no, I just like her for all the other aspects” Her therapist took note of that and Abby felt insecure in herself and her decisions once again

________

After her bold move on onlyfans, She did expect to get the silent treatment but she underestimated how stubborn you would be about it and that was a thing that really excited her.

such a brat

She held the plastic cup in her hand and stared at the clear liquid as it swished back and forth.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. What if she doesn’t even like me? I mean I know she has been following me for a while but that doesn’t say anything…”

Manny leaned against the table and crossed his arms in consideration.

“I dont know man I think she does like you, she’s probably just shy or something”

“shy?!Manny she hasn’t texted me in two days and we were supposed to call again last night”

“oh, so two days is too much but you leaving her on ready for weeks is fine?”

Abby rolled her eyes

“Do you have to remember every little thing?!” She looked around at the crowd dancing and playing beer pong. She didn’t even remember whose villa this was, only that it was a big shot youtubers that she got invited to. She usually avoided these events. Abby, despite of everyone's assumptions, was in fact shy and a little awkward and when Mel & Owen were at these parties it made her a lot more tense than she already was. She saw the couple in a corner kiss and then talk with others and eventually Mel would glare at Abby.

With a long sigh she grabbed her phone to check your profile. you had a story next to the statue she got you and she felt her cheeks heat up in excitement the room finally going quiet as her focus was directed at your photo. She slid up to respond to the image and was interrupted by someone getting a little too close to her personal space

“So you know her?” Ellie asked. Abby looked at the short girl and held back a scoff

“Kind of. We occasionally talk”

Ellie nod and looked around and then back at Abby

“Ugh…do you perhaps know if she is..single? or lesbian?”Abby sat on that and realized you actually had never explicitly announced your sexuality which made her reconsider every damn thing she did so far. Then came the next question.

were you even single ? or did she just make a move on someone who is spoken for?

Abby noticed ellie cock a brow and before she could smirk in triumph she locked her phone and shoved it in her pocket

“Yes she is but she already has her eyes on someone” She half lied. I mean she did hope you had your sights set on her but she couldn’t know for sure. You had talked about things before but somehow Abby never even thought to question you about those very crucial details.

“hm…I see” said Ellie and abby gave her a curt nod and excused herself. She was in no mood to talk to her any further than that but she felt uneasy. Ellie was persistent and Ellie was also, very openly a lesbian. she was attractive and there was no reason you wouldn’t be attracted to her.

“fuck this is so stupid” she mumbled to herself and went to fill her cup with more alcohol. there was no way she would be able to handle the night otherwise.

At this point two things were possible. She was drunk or she was seeing things. She double checked and indeed, there was a message from you. a few actually with videos attached and all. If she were at home, she would be screaming in ecstasy. she went to the bathroom for privacy and checked your chat which consisted of a mess of texts thanking her for the gift and the rest fawning over how ‘gorgeous Eivor looks in this size” and Abby bit her lip to stop herself from smiling anymore like an idiot. It was adorable. She watched the videos again and again of you showing her the statue which she didn't really care about but just your excited voice was enough for her to stay hooked on those three, 4 second clips.

Glad you liked the gift

Cotton candy: liked ????? My God I need to make it up to you somehow I don't know how, like dfjjdkrkge

A breathy chuckle escaped Abbys lips as her heart swelled at the sight of your texts. She noticed in the short span of talking to you that you tended to speak a lot more and a lot faster when it came to your interests. Without filter too and she liked that.

How about that call that you completely ghosted me on?

Cottoncandy: Ok listen I was…well

Cottoncandy: Fine sure. I’m free now if you are ?

Sure. I'll go take a shower and be back

And Abby rushed out of the bathroom and went straight to Manny to ask for her coat and car keys.

“What ,are you leaving?”

“Yeah sorry I’m not feeling so well, think I’m getting another migraine”

She said morphing her face into a pained expression and grabbed her leather jacket the minute he passed it over to her. She had never seen herself fold so fast over a girl and she was not in the mental state to acknowledge how embarrassing all of this was on her behalf

half an hour later when she was back home she immediately texted you trying to seem cool, relaxed, unbothered even

ready?

cottoncandy: sure :)

and she pressed “call”

__________

Things were just easier after that. She noticed you relax up and get bolder, responding to her posts more often and occasionally sending a text without waiting for her to post a story which she admitted to have started doing a lot more often for the sole purpose of giving you the push you needed to talk to her. You would often hang out at each other's streams and she quickly found out that when it came to humor, it was identical to one another and would throw jabs at each other that kept the chat entertained and Isaac pleased because your audience had new things to speculate. Abby was public with her friendships without disclosing anything more which left her audience running in circles and trying to pry more private information. This whole back and forth with you now reignited the audience's spark and due to how new it was, everyone seemed supportive and excited. In the back of her mind, Abby feared that this would eventually prove to be difficult to manage but she forced herself to stop rushing things in her head.

At the end of the day, so far you two were just friends who talked and, well, had probably simultaneously jacked off at the thought of one another without ever addressing that. That was another thing Abby chose not to speak about despite the fact that she would obsessively check on who purchased her sets to come to the sad realization that she had in fact scared you off her onlyfans.

She wasn’t sure if all of those were things she was supposed to feel, after all she had never taken it slow with anyone. Not that she ever gave them the time being that she would mostly do one night stands. With you it was different and she had to understand if it was due to the distance or if you were special to her after all

cottoncandy: Uni was AWFUL. I am actually dropping out

you are so dramatic

Came her response to which she received a fiery series of messages of you whining about how difficult things were before winter break.

cottoncandy: I honestly can't wait for it. I am so excited to just rest :)))

any plans? Do you have a trip planned with your friends or maybe your partner?

you read the message immediately but it took you a few minutes to respond and Abby gave a pat on her back in a derogatory way.

this is the worst possible way I could’ve asked if she is single

cottoncandy: no specific plans and no partner. I'll probably rot on my couch since my plans on going on a trip crumbled.I would cry but my tears run thin due to exams these days

You really like traveling dont you?

Cottoncandy: Who doesn’t ? I love visiting my friends abroad or vice versa

Abby didn't travel much. Not outside the country at least. She considered your messages and tried not to delude herself into a double meaning. Were you asking for an invite or were you inviting her ? Perhaps you were just venting. She was Picking at a thin layer of unstuck plastic from her table and toyed with it until it snapped. Either was she now knew you were not seeing someone and she could make a move guilt free

There wasn’t really a discreet way to go about this and if she was going to suggest it, you would need at least a heads up to rearrange your schedule.

I could visit you for winter break. I’m usually free around that time

She was rambling. She never spoke that much. But the rewarding excited messages that followed suit were rewarding enough to make up for her discomfort

Cottoncandy: Holy shit are you , wait for real?!

Sure. I always wanted to visit your city

She didn't. Again, Abby didn't travel. She didn't care about traveling. She just wanted to see you. Her phone screen went blank and then your face popped up on call.

“Yes?”

-Did you mean it? Cause if so I need to prepare things

“Like I said. We both have those two weeks available and it was about time I took a little trip. I could talk my manager into believing this is for work”

-Oh sure. If you want we can do a collab as well so that you don't take a loss in revenue and stuff

“Cotton its fine. I just wanna hang out with you. Don’t worry, leave that up to me”

She reassured and felt her ego inflate at how easily you seemed to be put at ease with her words. She couldn’t know for sure if her attraction was romantic or just sexual but she sure as hell loved the way you two aligned.

You spoke for a while and with winter break only a month away you already settled on the dates.

“I have to go to the gym now but I’ll send you a text once I get the tickets so that you know what time Ill be there

-alright perfect! See ya

Abby put her phone away and for a few minutes she would occasionally laugh, softly, while imagining what it would be like. She was nervous and with delight she noticed that she finally regained that spark in her where she had a crush and wanted to speak about her instead of statistics, trauma or finances. she felt good

#abby anderson #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x reader #tlou2 #the last of us #abby anderson x y/n #mdi #Spotify

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happilyfeatherafter · 2 years

Text

Dean’s VOs in The Winchesters (season one!)

(LISTEN ALONG WITH AUDIO HERE)

Dean episode 1:

( Ten Years After's "I'd Love to Change the World" ) ♪ ♪

March 23, 1972. The day Dad came home from the war, and the day he met Mom. Now I know this story might sound familiar, but I'm gonna put the pieces together in a way that just might surprise you. And in order to do that, I have to start all the way at the beginning.

[END OF EPISODE]

What they didn't know is that the Akrida weren't just a threat to Earth, but to all of existence. Now, like I told you, there's gonna be some surprises. Hell, I'm still trying to find all the puzzle pieces myself. But I'll explain everything. And until then, I'll keep picking the music.

♪ ♪ Spread them wide ♪ ♪ Rich or poor ♪ ♪ Them and us ♪ ♪ Stop the war ♪

Dean episode 2:

( punchy, percussive music ) ♪ ♪ The ties that bind a family together can be complicated. Parents raise you, teach you what's right and wrong, and in some instances, how to kill monsters. But no matter who you are, there comes a time when you have to break from them and make your own way. And if you're not careful, things can get pretty ugly.

Dean episode 3:

( dramatic music ) ♪ ♪ ( screams ) ( sizzling ) ( growling ) There's no map to being a hunter. No playbook. You gotta follow your gut. But that can only take you so far. Truth is, you can't do it all on your own. You need other people to help guide the way... Your friends, your family. Otherwise you just end up lost.

Dean episode 4:

( eerie music ) ♪ ♪ Fighting the battle between good and evil isn't easy, especially when the first monster you have to face is the one inside yourself. ( soft dramatic music )

Dean episode 5:

( dramatic music ) ♪ ♪ Spending a lifetime of hunting monsters takes its toll. There comes the time when you gotta let out that pain inside you. If you don't, it'll eat you alive.

Dean episode 6:

(Lata) I am centered. I am at peace. I create my own path, and I walk in it fearlessly. (end Lata)

Hunting has a way of changing a person. After a while, right, wrong, good, evil, they all start to look the same. And then it makes you start to wonder, "Who's really the monster here--them or me?"

[END OF EPISODE]

Hunting's not for everyone. You have to be strong, stay sharp, make tough decisions, and it's not easy, But then again, the righteous things never are.

Dean episode 7:

( birds chirping ) Comes a time in every hunt when the fightin' starts. And the difference between winning and losing isn't whether you have the holy water, the wooden stake, or the silver bullet. It's whether you've got the grit to get the job done. (Mary on radio)

Dean episode 8:

(John Moran’s “Rebel”) ♪ ♪ Being a hunter, it means living a life of sacrifice-- not a lot of room for dreams. But you open your heart and get a little lucky, you'll find you gain more than you lose. ♪ ♪

Dean episode 9:

( mellow bluesy music ) ♪ ♪ This isn't how I saw things going when I pushed over that first domino. Thing is, I've had more than a few dances with free will and fate, but as my dad used to say, "Fate is what you make it."

Dean episode 10:

Hunting and happy endings don't usually mix, so when you get your chance, you got to ask yourself, "How far will I go to get it?"

Dean episode 11:

Being a Hunter means always being on the move, No matter how hard you plan, no matter how hard you work, at a certain point, we all run out of road. It's what we do with those crossroads that defines us.

Dean episode 12:

♪ ♪ ( carnival music resumes ) ♪ ♪ ( giggling manically ) ♪ ♪ ( shrill giggling ) ( whispering voices ) ( strange sounds ) 🤡🤡🤡

Hunting's a dishonest business. You gotta lie all the time about who you are and what you do. But the hardest lies aren't the ones you tell other people. They're the ones you tell yourself.

(Mary to John) Another day looking for this mystery man and still nothing. It's like this guy's a ghost. (End Mary to John).

Dean episode 13:

*RECORD SCRATCH* HE’S HERE!!!!! We’re going in universe baby.

(Opening scene, dramatic music ) ♪ ♪

Dean: John Winchester.

John: Sir, can I help you?

Dean: This is for you.

John: Where did you get this? Who are-- [...] One ticket for Lawrence, Kansas.

Ticket lady: Okay.

BOBBY, IT’S FREAKIN’ BOBBY!!!: We're not supposed to meddle with things, ya idjit!

Dean: You always said if I was gonna be stupid, I might as well be smart about it.

Bobby: Yeah, that does sound about like me. We're not even supposed to be here.

Dean: Come on, the letter was meant for him. I just, uh, you know, gave it a nudge.

Bobby: You keep an eye on things here. I'm gonna get the damn cavalry.

Dean: How you gonna do that?

Bobby: I got no freaking idea. One last hunt, huh?

Dean: One last hunt. ♪ ♪

[Insert finale including lots of chat about the ‘ruggedly handsome' mystery man here. For Akrida!Queen exposition science: You're here to talk about the man with no name...he was digging around in things that should have stayed buried. ... The Akrida. You see, our mysterious friend isn't from around here. There's only so much he could do. His hands were tied. Credit where it's due... he did manage to stay ahead of me for a while, but... I can assure you that he's not going to be a problem anymore. ... Well, there's this portal. You see--I'm sure you've heard of it. It's not quite up to code yet, but I managed to pry it open just enough to toss a certain someone and his car into it. No human can survive that gateway, so his body will be torn to shreds for centuries. Anyway, this, um... this old journal... it's all that's left of him.]

Back to the end of the show:

( electricity crackling ) ( engine revving ) ( engine revving ) ( dramatic music ) ♪ ♪

John: Mary! ... How did you guys survive?

Dean (gestures at Baby): She kept Mary safe... me too. Of course, there's not a lot that can tear me apart. I'm already dead. I was stuck in the world between worlds, so I stayed close to that portal, and as soon as I saw baby come through, I hopped in and grabbed the wheel.

Samuel: So who are you?

Dean: I'm a Hunter, just like you. But I'm not from this Earth.

Ada: And how did you get here?

Dean: When I died, I made it to heaven. And she was waiting for me. So I went for a drive, and then I took a little detour.

Latika: Through the multiverse. (Dean points ‘bingo’.)

Carlos: S-so what were you looking for?

Dean: That's a good question, Carlos. I was looking for my family. See, I come from a long line of Hunters. I guess I was hoping that somewhere out there was an Earth that had a version where my family had a shot at a happy ending. When I was driving, I caught wind of the Akrida. Turns out that they were one of Chuck's last creations.

Millie: Who's Chuck?

Dean: God. It's a long story, but, uh... basically, he's a real dick. He left the Akrida behind to wipe out all of existence in case he failed. Well... he failed. Eventually the Akrida were going to make their way to my world, and I got family there, so I couldn't let that happen.

John: T-the letter, why did you--

Dean: I took my little detour. The rules were simple. Don't mess with anything. Well... I gave it a little nudge. Thought it might need a little help. Looks like it worked out pretty well. So now that the Akrida are gone, you all can choose your own destiny. You can write your own story.

Jack: And you can get back to yours.

Dean: It's all right. It's all right. They're--they're with me. This is Bobby. That's Jack. They're family. Excuse me. You okay?

Bobby: I told you I'd figure it out. Didn't say I wouldn't get us in more trouble. Look at 'em. Man, this is all kinds of weird... seeing Samuel with a full head of hair.

Dean: Right? ( chuckles )

Jack (~~or is he?~~): Dean.

Dean: Yeah. No, I know. I know, Jack.

Jack: When I restored things, I wanted mankind to make their own fate. That meant no interference from on high, anywhere... no exceptions.

Dean: I couldn't let our world get destroyed. Sam's still down there, okay? He deserves a good, long life. Hell, they all do. ( indistinct chatter ) So, if you want to cast me out of heaven... so be it.

Bobby: If we're taking a vote, I'd say you give the guy another chance.

Jack: There's always another case with you Hunters... even in death. Well... if you're going to meddle in things, finish what you started. After this... it's time to get around to the... "there'll be peace when you are done"... part of the song.

Dean to John: Listen, um... b-before I go... I want to give you two something. My dad... he, uh... Kept a Hunter's journal, looked just like this. I lived my whole life by that damn thing. Well, this is my Hunter's journal. So if you're gonna stay in this game... This will help guide you through it.

John: Thank you.

Dean to Mary: I know you're thinking about quitting Hunting. Believe me, I understand. But you need to do me one favor. Keep an eye out for a yellow-eyed demon. And if you even catch a hint of that son of a bitch... I need you to use this.

Mary: Your family... did you ever find a version where they had a shot of a happy ending?

Dean: I think I did.

John: You never told us your name.

Dean: Hetfield... James Hetfield. (Hetfield is the lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist, co-founder, and a primary songwriter of heavy metal band Metallica.)

( Nick Drake's "One of These Things First" ) ♪ ♪ (Dean, Bobby and Jack vanish with baby).

Transcripts from: https://tvshowtranscripts.ourboard.org/viewforum.php?f=1550

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year

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talking of family day/parent teacher conferences at NRC, think about how much people would want to pick a fight with riddle's mom and maybe even jamil's parents. crowley would hide it but riddle mom and jamil parents would go full karen mode if they found out about their sons overblotting too. they would be even more unbearable than usual omg

[Referencing this post!]

Heartslabyul forms a human barrier around Riddle 😇 Cater clones have to hold Adeuce back from doing or saying something to offend Mama Rosehearts (even though they so badly want to punch her and/or publicly tell her off). TREY HAS TO AWKWARDLY MEET HER GAZE ("Hello, ma'am. Nice to see you again?") ... I don't know if Mama Rosehearts remembers him or not, but if she does then she'll probably make a face or comment that Riddle is still hovering around bad influences from his youth.

It was so sad seeing the total change in Riddle's personality when he talks about confronting his mom during winter break 💦 He just turns into a shell of himself... (I'm not exactly a fan of Riddle shouting or enforcing his will on others, but such a drastic change in his character when his mom is around... 😭 That's truly an indication of the toxicity he grew up with and how much his mother's teachings were drilled into him.) We never really did see the aftermath of that winter break conversation (if they had it at all), so we have no idea how Mama Rosehearts reacted. I doubt she would have heard her son out; people tend to be set in their ways. If that's the case, would Riddle return to being that meek, obedient boy in the presence of his mom? Or would being at NRC with his dorm mates and his friends give him more courage to hold his ground against some of her demands?? 🤔

I feel bad for Jamil too because he's also in a situation where he has to act docile around his parents (or else be scolded and told to behave). Constantly repressing your real thoughts and feelings can take its toll on someone, especially for as long as Jamil has been doing it... I also distinctly get the impression that the Viper parents will fuss just as much about Kalim (or maybe even more) than their own son?? (Like asking how he's been, asking if there's anything they can do for Kalim, has Jamil been serving him well, etc.)

My hope would be that Kalim, now knowing what Jamil's been bottling up, holds his tongue about the winter break OB incident, but would still be able to speak up on behalf of Jamil. As mentioned in episode 4, there's no way Kalim can make a system which has existed for several generations disappear by just saying, "Jamil doesn't like it, so can you give him his freedom now?" However, I do think Kalim's sociability (and his status, of course) can help smooth over any tension between Jamil and his family. Maybe he'd say something like, "Jamil's been doing a great job looking after me! You don't need to worry about him. He's doing everything he can, so... I'm gonna give it my all too!" And only Kalim and Jamil would know what he's really talking about: that Jamil has said he's going to work hard and be his own person, and that Kalim wants to work just as hard to be his rival and meet him on an equal playing field.

I see Mama Rosehearts going Karen mode more than the Viper parents (though I do think the Viper parents would worry about Kalim's safety and get upset with their son for his involvement in attempting to harm him, whatever his reasons were for it). There is the classic Karen entitlement to how Mama Rosehearts behaves, but the Vipers seem to be more... humble? Or at least not as self-centered... though I guess the trade-off there is that other people (Jamil) bear the emotional burden on their behalf. They're both "evils", I guess--just in their own ways.

#twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Jamil Viper #Riddle Rosehearts #notes from the writing raven #Cater Diamond #Trey Clover #Deuce Spade #Ace Trappola #Kalim Al-Aim #Scarabia #Heartslabyul

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alteon77 · 1 year

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Updated Masterlist of Writing and Art

About the writer/artist: I like to write and paint. My current obsession is Sandman, but I enjoy most fantasy fandoms as well as anime (I think I’m on season seven billion of One Piece right now 🤣). I'm also weird as they come (and awkward, too), so just please ignore my oddball (coughTERRIBLEcough) sense of humor.

On a more personal note, I have PTSD and suffer from severe manic depressive episodes. Writing and art are my most familiar coping mechanisms, and I need them like I need oxygen. Seriously, there were times in my life that knowing I had to finish a story or a piece of art was the only thing stopping me from ending up dead. So, I don't take part in fandom drama. Having my peace and protecting my mental health are very big deals to me, and I won't risk those for anything if I can help it.

As for my writing, it ranges from short one-shots to ridiculously long novel series. I use third person POV (on longer series) as well as second person (on shorter things). I also try to always exclude physical descriptions when writing main character OCs and assign them nicknames to avoid using Y/N. I love to read Y/N fics, but writing them makes me feel like I'm at work. And who actually wants to ever feel like they're at work when they're engaging in a hobby? Definitely not me.

Lastly, there's usually more stuff on my AO3 page than I have listed here, because I forget to post it pretty often. Oops. I'll get around to moving it all over one day. Probably. Maybe.

Feel free to leave an ask if you want or just drop by my DMs. <3

Artwork links are at the bottom of this list, so if you're here for those, that's where they are.

Sandman 'Verse

All the Precious and Fragile Things (so easily do they break)

After banishing his lover from the Dreaming for her betrayal, Morpheus learns that she is pregnant with his child.

And that she’s been captured by a revenge-seeking Alexander Burgess.

What the both of them are unaware of is that this will set in motion a cascade of unfavorable events, causing a chain reaction that threatens the whole of existence itself.

PART I: All of This Past

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

PART II: These Tender, Loving Mercies

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

PART III: When It All Falls Down

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

PART IV: The Dark of War

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Epilogue

Sometimes He's Sweet

Morpheus hates the holidays.

As excited as she seems to experience the mortal holiday, he's… less so. Much less so. With the entire collective unconscious contained within him, this time of year can be wholly overwhelming, a miasma of too much red and green, too much worry, too much loneliness, too much excitement, too many similarly themed dreams, too many similarly themed nightmares, and far far too many holiday songs. It all bleeds out from the collective unconscious into his own mind, sticks there like weeping sap to a tree until he feels half-mad with the unrelenting presence of it, with his inability to get free from its cloying trespass upon his very being.

This is just a little sweet fluff for the holiday season. It takes place between chapters 19 and 20 of "All the Precious and Fragile Things". No spoilers here if you've read that far!

The Dog Debacle (or how best to sneak a dragon into the dreaming)

Morpheus' daughter gets a new dog.

Well..... kind of.

That Familiar Feeling of Family (or how Hob Gadling ended up as an uncle to his stranger's oftentimes feral children)

It's a pretty universally known thing that families are just strange. As Hob is quickly figuring out, however, this little fact is magnified by AT LEAST a billion when the family in question is Endless.

(A lighthearted story in which Hob Gadling finds out his stranger has married, makes friends with a homicidal maniac/ruler, and manages to become an exemplary uncle to a pack of magically mischievous children. Really, now all he has to do is convince everyone to stop calling his and Dream's weekly meetups "playdates", and then his life would be practically perfect.)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

The Maker, the Muse, and the Sundered Song

In his temple, what remains of Orpheus waits in trepidation. Something is changing. Something that he knows might alter the very fabric of the world as he understands it.

Finally freed from captivity, Calliope struggles to make any meaningful changes to the laws that saw her bound and taken in the first place. When the strange woman appears on Mount Parnassus and offers help, Calliope knows she would be a fool not to accept it. Even if she thinks that she's being lied to.

Meanwhile in the peace of the Dreaming, Morpheus grapples with guilt over his son's fate. As he basks in the love of his new children, he can't help but to regret his own failings where Orpheus is concerned.

And as for May, she's really just got a job to do. And her own traumatic issues to deal with. And if it's all hella awkward because she's having to work alongside her husband's ex-wife, she'll see it done anyway. There's even the small possibility that she might eventually admit to Calliope the truth about her identity. That is if she can ever actually work up the courage to say it aloud.

Chapter 1

Nothing in This Closet but Boots and a Boy

Morpheus is wildly protective of his daughter.

That's probably bad for the boy in said daughter's closet.

AU's and Other Stuff in the Sandman 'Verse

Of Exes, Hellhounds, and Waffle Fries

Morpheus shows up to rescue the woman he probably loves (though he won't admit it) from hellhounds and ends up getting roped into helping with her family. This is one of those extras that doesn't fit into the main story, but it's fun, so I'm posting it.

The Bizarre Breeding Habits of Anthropomorphic Personifications

It's a tale as old as time.

Two idiots fall in love. Two idiots fall out of love.

Neither one of them is expecting a baby to come along and derail their unhappily ever after.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Original Fanart

I like to play around with different styles and to try new things with my artwork. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. I'm still learning, and I am so far from being a professional that it's laughable. But I only post things that I think look decent or that I think others might enjoy.

The Lover's Argument (Morpheus x oc)

Oneiros (Morpheus in Grecian garb)

Because I could not stop for Death, she kindly stopped for me... (Regency era Dream and Death)

#sandman fic #morpheus x oc #morpheus #morpheus x reader #morpheus fanfiction #sandman fanfiction #sandman oc #dream of the endless #dad!morpheus #dragons in the dreaming #preciousfragilethings #PFT #bbhap #fanart #fan art #alteon77 fan art

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inevitably-johnlocked · 11 months

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Loki S2 Pre-E6 Thoughts

So I know that this is totally random content to give to y'all this morning, but I wanted to post up my thoughts about the series before its final episode airs tomorrow. I have, in the past, talked about my thoughts on S1 and how I really did like it until the last 5 minutes of Episode 6 and how out-of-nowhere-forced the Sylvie/Loki kiss felt (I was physically cringing about it).

Given how S1 ended, I was a bit wary about S2, but decided to watch it anyway, and holy hell I think Season Two is KNOCKING it out of the park. I'm loving it as much as I loved Moon Knight, and it's right up there now in my top 5. The episodes are SO cinematically beautiful, well written and flow nicely, the characters are all so charming, and the Mobius/Loki relationship is being built up so much that it COULD lead to more or canonization in the final episode. During the past 5 weeks, I've been lurking on the meta spaces for Loki on Twitter and Tumblr, and wow the nostalgia I feel for it, it SO reminds me of the hey-day of my Johnlock meta-ing before S4.

I think my only gripe right now with this season is that they wasted Sophia DiMartino... her character Sylvie feels like such a... filler character (like they just put her in there because she was in the first season and they didn't know what to do with her this season)? But I think ALSO she's meant to be a counter-mirror to Loki, to show that he ISN'T like her anymore, that he grew and changed for the better with the positive influences in his life, and unlike her he doesn't WANT to be alone and such. And they're REALLY making her so unlikeable this season for me... I'm glad that it's looking like they're pretty much not going the Sylvie/Loki route (and I honestly don't see how people who ship it think it will canonically turn around at this point), but the showrunners are having her have every interaction between her and Loki rather hostile, demoralizing, or toxic. And rather that, they're countering it by showing a more positive alternative for Loki with Mobius as his potential romantic partner. Which is fantastic because I've shipped Lokius since Mobius came on the screen in S1, LOL. I just think they could have done that in S2 without making Sylvie an unlikeable character (like have her be a cheerleader for them instead?) I dunno. It's a shame because I did like her in S1. Don't like her at all in S2. She's so MEAN to EVERYONE. To Mobius especially, like CHILL girl, let a man stress-eat, JEEZ.

And here's the rant I actually wanted to write this post about because I didn't want to clutter up other people's threads with it: So, every week, I usually watch breakdowns and review videos so I can understand the characters and their comic counter parts a bit better, and usually the breakdowns are really good because they show the nods to comic-canon things and such. But OMG these past two weeks, I had to stop watching the reviews because LITERALLY all of them ship Sylvie/Loki and are trying SO hard to prove that it's canon when the past few weeks it's only been more and more likely that it's not happening.

NONE of Big Name Reviewers (NRS and SC specifically, if ya know you know) acknowledged AT ALL the RIDICULOUS amount of romantic tropes and dopey staring that Episodes 4 and 5 had (Loki watches Mobius through a window the first time he finds him, and the second time before going to talk to Mobius again Loki LITERALLY groomed himself and then stutters like a lovesick teenager. It was very rom-com; and they're skirting around the fact that all the empty places in the TVA that Loki kept slipping to were ALL places that Loki tshared time with Mobius in... I CAN GO ON FOREVER HERE, AND AND AND that Loki is constantly panicking if he can't find Mobius). LIKE. NONE OF THE REVIEWERS, who literally break down all the episodes and point out shit like All That for het-ships, just won't acknowledge any of it!! They glossed over both Loki's and Sylvie's bisexuality confirmations in S1, and only briefly mentioned their genderfluidity in the comics and in actual mythology. I usually watch the breakdowns because I'm not familiar with comic lore so I find it interesting to learn about those backstories, as well as little details they find, but they've been dropping the ball ALL season, and EVERY one of them mention EVERY single breakdown that Loki just wants to get back to "his one true love Sylvie!!", like what are you smoking?!?!? I was getting SO FRUSTRATED because they skipped over LARGE chunks of E5, especially, just pointing out the surface level stuff instead. I literally turned it off after all that.

THAT ALL SAID, since episode one it's been clear that Sylvie wants NOTHING to do with Loki – she just wants to live a quiet simple life. Then when shit goes bad, she blames Loki for all the problems SHE caused, shits on Mobius every chance she gets, and then in that bar scene when Loki's bearing his soul to her, telling her that he wants his friends back and DOESN'T want to be alone, she basically is like "tough titties" and leaves him ALONE, showing she's not a friend at all.

But the reviewers literally just gloss over all of this. ANYWAY.

Ugh, sorry about that, that's been eating at me for like 3 weeks and last week's reviews finally just pissed me off so much because even casually watching the show I could see all this shit. I only REALLY started believing Lokius could happen after Episode 4 aired, and then Episode 5 had me reeling.

I am DYING to write meta about every episode as it comes out... I just feel that other people are writing better stuff than I could, and much faster than I have time for, and really it's nice to be on the reader side of things for a change. I just... don't want to add in my own two cents to their posts because I'd feel I'm intruding, is all.

I have lots of hope about where Episode 6 will go... like I'm feeling pretty good about them canonizing Lokius... However... I'm not gonna be disappointed if it doesn't get canonized simply because this is Disney and I am REALLY not thinking they're going to explore Loki's comic-canon genderfluidity and sexuality on a surface level.

Good thing I eat subtext for breakfast LOL. I lived through BBC Sherlock, hahah. BUT... can I get a third ship canonized in one year??? Is it wishful thinking? Oh, for sure. I hope so. I would be so happy if Disney even ACKNOWLEDGED that they love each other But I'm not expecting it. I'll be happy with another hug at least, or a forehead touch or hand holding. I'm a simple gal.

Honestly though, I do inevitably want the last episode to have Loki as the ruler with his friends, because they built up to this for 12 episodes, I DON'T want an unhappy ending for the sake of a twist or whatever. Truly let him be the Loki Who Remains (a callback to Episode One) as the Keeper of Time with Bea, O.B., Casey, and Mobius at his side <3

I LOVE the character development of Loki in this series, too. I legit didn't really care for Loki all that much in the MCU, but this series did the same to him for me that FatWS did to Bucky for me: Make me want to see MORE of them and their adventures with their new friends.

Anyway, thanks for reading and indulging me, I mostly just needed to get that rant out about reviewers and wtf people still think Sy!ki is happening. Feel free to discuss in the notes, I plan on posting a reblog with final thoughts after it airs on Thursday <3

#my ramblings #loki spoilers #loki s2 #not sherlock #my thoughts #marvel #lokius #long post #i love writing meta #just don't think people like reading it anymore #shitposting steph #some negativity in this post too sorry

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absolutebl · 2 years

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This Week In BL - Strongberry Kisses!

Dec 2022 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 4 of 10 - Gun gets flustered and then Gun gets flirty and comes over all spoiled prince, and poor Tinn loves it suffers. Thiw is the greatest wingman and it was the cutest date inspection: Tinn (confusedly carrying 2 ice creams ) just trailing behind a sunny excitable Gun. Yes, Gun is very extra. Yes, I skipped the singing. But oh my goodness do I love how much this is a traditional Thai high school BL. Thank you so much GMMTV. I missed this style of BL.

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 2 of 12 - I have to say that I’m not entirely sure about Chimon’s casting in this role (he is one of my all time favorite GMMTV actors), but I love Perth. Perth has the hardest role, and he’s such a great nuanced actor with such an expressive face, only he could really pull it off and still feel sympathetic. Meanwhile ironically named Pond = yet another Thai actor made to swim who can’t. That said, PondPhuwin and the attack of the subtle flirtation = wonderful. Honestly? This is a much better role for Pond than FUTS.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 7 of 12 - It’s still good, the leads are great, everything else is meh but at least I’m not bored? WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 5 of 11 - So P’Mum is starting to figure out the science (do we call it science?) whatever. In other news, 3 years later, OhmFluke still give the softest sweetest most romantic kisses evah. P’Vee and Game are breaking my heart, honor the sides indeed.

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 6 of 12 - Noey has a very baby Dom thing to his bully behavior which is oddly cute. Or is that just me being warped?

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 11 of 14 - (it’s been extended 2 more episodes and into 2023, what joy is ours) We have switched to mostly focusing on Name and Em. I actually like the 2 actors, it’s just they keep getting stories I don’t enjoy. The JaFirst characters break up is not unexpected, presumably, they had to do some thing to honor the episode 11. After my bd reaction to The Yearbook I’m beginning to lose all faith in this production team.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 11fin - I have to say it felt a little manipulating and there was a lot of dwelling in sad and then a time jump, and then resolution, which is very classic for a Korean drama, but Strongberry usually bucks trends. Still, all the kisses are really good and I do love how the animals w kept their personalities. I’m going with 8/10 RECOMMENDED more below

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 12fin - The parental abuse, and horseback riding thing was weird. ending with a marriage equality muscle flex and some domesticity was classic Taiwanese BL. I do love that and they were so cute! But ultimately this was oddly disappointing at the end, I think partly because as good as the leads were the crumbs were both excellent too and I wish they had more screen time. 8.5/10

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) AKA The New Recruit AKA Shinib Sawo - From WATCHA (Semantic Error) virginal Seung Hyun scores the office internship of his dreams but on his first day at work he gets into it with his cool reserved boss. As you do. Stars Moon Ji Yong (Once Again). Based on Moscareto's web novel of the same name, directed by openly gay & queer activist Kim Jho Gwang Soo (Just Friends?). Grumpy/sunshine, boss/emp, age gap. WAIT, he lives in the same neighborhood as the To My Star boys! And this show reminds me a little bit of that one, same kind of energy. Frankly this is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Fantastic. At last!

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 2 of 8 - I’m not sure about this one, I am liking it OK but it is oddly mature while also being kookie, and also immature. Maybe it’s just Japan being its usual complex self.

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 3-4 of 10 - The premise of the show is so weird. But once the pink smoke appeared, and I decided we’re actually in a paranormal drama and not an office romance, I’m better about it. Also it’s really nice to see the lead pair start to actually like each other.

Oh! My Assistant (Korea Thurs Viki) 7-8fin - There was a lot of me going awwww in ep 7. But in the finale, the triangle and jealousy seemed shoehorned in so that in the end, I was kind of torn. 7/10 More below.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

Till the World Ends (Thai YT) 10 eps - it seems to be good but I don’t know about the ending, so I’m waiting.

Ended This Week

Choco Milk Shake (Korea YouTube) Stongberry gave us a full length BL on YouTube! It’s a BL miracle and an endless delight. It was wonderfully cute, unexpectedly hilarious but expectedly silly, a little too poignant, occasionally gut wrenching and with a somewhat expected weird (but happy-ish) ending. The actors playing the two pets must have had the best time. As, indeed, did I watching it. Jealous Milk made me cackle so hard it scared the actual cat on my lap, Choco was perfectly cast, and the chemistry was ultimately decent. In Strongberry I still trust. Thank you thank you, may we have another, sirs? 8/10 RECOMMENDED

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Viki) While, I really loved this show, it had a fun premise, and a solid lead pair with charming chemistry and delightful, domesticity, not to mention great communication, I wasn’t wild about some of the darker themes it explored, even though it did a good job with them. But while the crumbs and sides were v adorable they were chronically underused. If I gave half points this is a solid 8.5 but since I don't it’s gonna be an 8/10 MUCHLY RECOMMENDED

Oh! My Assistant (Korea Viki) This is a very silly show that acts like it comes from a very silly yaoi. Reserved out gay younger assistant (we stan) pretending to be tsundere but is actually just v shy and smitten by his cheerful (seemingly straight) chaos bi himbo artist boss. I think the cross cutting in of old footage with the replacement actor after the re-cast did affect the chemistry with this pair. There was no way around it. Even KBL isn't usually this awkward and repressed. Although this show had the best bisexual awakening sequence ever put in a BL, and I really wanted to love it, I just didn't. 7/10 RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

2 Moons 3 (Thai) finished it’s run this week. Rumor is it’s banal. I’m waiting to collect all the eps and then I will try to binge before I finish my 2022 wrap ups.

Why You... Y Me? (Thai YT) It's not primarily a BL, but another meta show about BL shipping, with side BLs. I await @heretherebedork ‘s report on whether to watch or not.

Gossip

Nutt Witsarut (Daisy in Secret Crush On You!) will play the role of Gyogung in 9Cats Studio's upcoming series Hot Bamee and Yummy Gyogung (y-novel adaptation).

PitchBank from Golden Blood (AKA Segus & Tenon) will be the side couple in new medical Thai BL Mystique in the Mirror.

TutorYim (Cutie Pie) have a busy 2023, they’re starring in upcoming micro project Our Winter, possibly for Tik Tok distribution. They also took on JimmyTommy’s lead for Middleman’s Love and will have a cameo in KBL Jun & Jun (filming now). TutorYim will ALSO star in 2023 KBL (yes Korean) First Love's User Manual under A-Plan International’s Silkwood (Peach Of Time).

In Case You Missed It

Check Out is being made into a movie that nobody asked for. Then again if they cut it down to 2 hours maybe it'll be tolerable?

Singapore dropped short Summerdaze Christmas Together on YouTube. It’s ADORABLE and prompted me to talk about BL in Singapore and more. Def gave me Ingredients vibes. I really hope their series happens.

Coffee Melody also gave us the Christmas special no one asked for. It’s basically a reunion romance, but mostly just domesticity. It cute, but dull.

My Beautiful Man stars Yusei Yagi and Riku Hagiwara won several awards as a pair and individually at WEIBO Festival 2022.

Short Story Project's Coffee Shop (microfilm Youtube series in the same cafe setting with the same main character) ep 3 installment "ESPRESSO" is a BL. It stars BoyTod from Ghost Host, Ghost House and is a reunion romance. It’s quite cute.

Moments Of Love (SmartJames AKA LeonPhob from Don't Say No) from Foremorfilm Production supposed to air Dec 24 directed by Golf Tanwarin (609 Bedtime Story and The Eclipse).

I’ve started my end of year wrap ups, trends lists, and BL stats reported. Let me know in a comment if there is any specifically you want to know of have deep feels about.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still coming:

Dec 28 - H5: Love in the Future from Taiwan (prob Gaga or Viki) - A cheerful and energetic student from 2000 travels to the future (2022), works as a deliveryman, and meets his first customer, an heir with a domineering personality. Directed by Nancy Chen (HIStory 4, Papa & Daddy).

Dec 28 - Midnight series starts on GMMTV’s TY,, one of which is Moonlight Chicken (EarthMix). Trailer. Maybe not really BL, adult issues, messy gays, cheating, soulmates? Mix plays an openly gay character in a relationship with First’s character. Earth portrays a chef who runs a restaurant while taking care of his nephew.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Honestly what a great cast and thank you Strongberry for not betraying our trust. It was a predictably weird, but not traumatic ending.

No shit.

Tinn caught himself a live one.

At least he knows it. (My School President)

(last week)

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blogger360ncislarules · 9 months

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The residents of Britain’s Yorkshire Dales are feeling the ramifications of World War II as Season 4 of All Creatures Great and Small picks up in 1940. The enchanting PBS series, based on the popular books by James Herriot, begins its new season with rural veterinarian James and his wife Helen (Nicholas Ralph and Rachel Shenton, above) a year into their marriage, wondering if the time is right to start a family, aware that any day he could be called to duty.

“In some ways, it feels like the exact reason why they should have a child,” says Shenton. “And in some ways, it’s the exact reason why they shouldn’t.”

For the actress, this new season is also the chance to show another side to her usually poised character, who moved away from the family farm after her wedding last season to take up residence at Skeldale House, where her husband lives and works.

“I think we see something different from Helen,” Shenton muses. “She’s good at being there for other people, and I think this is the first time that she’s needed a bit of help and had to say, ‘Actually, I’m not OK.’”

Like the rest of the Skeldale gang, Helen misses Tristan, who was called up to the Royal Army Veterinary Corps the previous Christmas. (His portrayer, Callum Woodhouse, doesn’t appear in this season’s seven episodes.) That leaves Tristan’s irascible brother Siegfried (Samuel West) and James overwhelmed at their practice and having to train book-smart student vet Richard Carmody (James Anthony-Rose), whose barn-side manner leaves something to be desired.

Siegfried also takes on an administrator, Miss Harbottle (Neve McIntosh), to try to get the practice in tip-top shape. She’s everything her name suggests. “What I quite like about that particular character and dynamic is that it breaks the house and unites the house,” Shenton previews.

As for the critters, a ferret with a lump, a lethargic tortoise, and a gas-passing dog all have appointments at Skeldale, where a couple of goats get Siegfried’s goat. Fortunately, for the actors they were pros. “They train the goats with food and sound,” Shenton explains. “There were these really loud horns, and then a shake of a food [container], and the goats would know to go to the next bit of their blocking.”

Another pro was a cute gray tabby named Humbug, who plays Oscar, a cat that shows up in the second half of the season and wins Helen’s heart. “He’s worked on sets since he was a very little kitten, so he’s used to being around people and he’s confident,” Shenton says. “He was super good and affectionate.”

One four-legged cast member missed some days because he needed a real veterinarian. Derek, the fluffy Pekingese furball who plays pampered pooch Tricki, had a health issue and this season split the role with a dog named Dora until he was able to return. (According to the folks at PBS, “Derek continues to be the ultimate professional and settled straight back into the business of filming.”)

In quieter moments, the friendship between Helen and housekeeper Mrs. Hall (Anna Madeley), who wants to divorce her absent husband, deepens. (Helen is still the only one at Skeldale House who addresses her by her first name, Audrey.) “That was probably one of my favorite strands,” Shenton says. “Anna and I are great friends off-camera, so it was really nice to have scenes with her.”

Madeley and Shenton also performed together on another project, a podcast drama called Gladstone Girls that Shenton wrote about pottery makers in the north of England fighting to be able to wear hair curlers to work on Fridays. The multitalented Shenton and her husband, Chris Overton, are already Academy Award winners for best live action short film, for The Silent Child in 2018.

As for the future of All Creatures, producers have yet to confirm whether there will be a fifth season but Shenton is hopeful. On a show where emotions are understated yet still deeply felt, she appreciates how truthful the series is to the time period and that part of the country.

“These are farmers. Nobody had time to be super emotional, you had to get on with it,” she says. “Often what’s nice is the things that aren’t being said. Your heart breaks sometimes because [characters] either can’t find the words or just don’t need to. They know it, you can feel it, and that’s always lovely.”

#all creatures great and small #pbs

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foundtherightwords · 1 year

Text

All Our Yesterdays - Chapter 12

Pairing: Ralph (Timewasters) x OFC

Summary: Thu, a museum archivist, only wants to escape her dull life in 21st-century Hanoi. The last thing she expects is to end up in 1929 Indochina via a time-traveling elevator and cross paths with Ralph, an Englishman on the run from the French Foreign Legion. Romance blossoms between them, but in a colonized country, unrest is always looming on the horizon, and Thu must decide if she wants to stay with Ralph in the past or return to the safety of the future.

Warnings: outdated/period-typical attitudes about women, mentions of war, mentions of pregnancy and abortion (involving a supporting character), some angst, some smut (non-explicit)

Chapter warnings: mentions of war, angst, smut (non-explicit)

Chapter word count: 4.5k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Thu told the office that Mai had acute appendicitis and had to go to the hospital for an emergency operation on New Year's Eve. The other women tut-tutted and fussed and wanted to visit Mai in the hospital, but Thu insisted that the girl was very tired and shouldn't be disturbed. It was such a clumsy lie that she was sure nobody believed her, least of all Madame Phuong, but the editor-in-chief seemed to have other things on her mind. She only said, "Poor girl, her parents are not going to be happy with me," and repaid Thu for the hospital bills out of her own pocket.

"But Madame Phuong, this is too much," Thu said, looking at the money.

"No, that's for after she is discharged. I'm going to be—quite busy in the next few weeks, and the house will be in disarray. It's no place for her to recover. Could you find her a nice boarding house and put her up there for a while? I'll pay you for your trouble."

Thu narrowed her eyes. Did Madame Phuong suspect something and want Mai out of her house to avoid a scandal? Was she afraid Mai's parents were going to blame her for not keeping a closer watch on their daughter? Still, Thu had to admit, whatever the reason was, it was best for Mai to be somewhere else. In the end, she brought the girl to her old boarding house. She figured she owed the landlady as much after moving out so abruptly; plus its closeness to Ralph's studio made it more convenient for her to check on Mai.

Mai recovered physically, though she remained low-spirited. Thu hoped that once she was well enough to go back to work, the girl could put this whole episode behind her. As for herself, Thu couldn't quite shake that feeling of vague unease that had settled on her after the Lunar New Year. She felt tense all the time, but unlike the fluttery, pleasant tension between her and Ralph before they got together, this was heavy, menacing, like the air before a storm. She could forget it for a while in Ralph's cheerful and calming company, only to feel it churning in her stomach again. Despite telling herself that war was fifteen years away, she couldn't shake the sensation that disaster was looming on the horizon.

***

About ten days after the Lunar New Year break, Thu went into the office as usual to find the women all huddled around a newspaper—not their own, but Hanoi Noon Report. There was fear on their faces, and they whispered to each other in low, serious tones. She felt cold all over. Had something happened?

"What's going on?" she asked Lien.

"There was a mutiny in a garrison up north," Lien replied, showing her the paper. "In Yên Bái."

The Yên Bái mutiny. Of course! That was in 1930. She'd completely forgotten about it. "The Vietnamese Nationalist Party was behind it, right?" Thu said, before she could stop herself.

Lien glanced at her sharply. "Why did you say that?"

Shit. Perhaps they don't know yet. Thu scanned the article to avoid Lien's scrutiny. It only stated that some Vietnamese soldiers turned on their French officers, killing two and wounding several others. It made no mention of the Nationalist Party. She had to be more careful letting things like that slip.

Over the next two weeks, the true scope of the mutiny was gradually revealed. It wasn't just a few disgruntled Vietnamese soldiers turning on their French officers. Though nobody dared talk about it, everyone knew it had clearly been an organized attempt by the Nationalist Party to overthrow the French government. The tension Thu had been feeling seemed to spill out all over the city and its people. The streets were full of soldiers; checkpoints were set up; arrests were made; raids were conducted. Firebombs were thrown into some public buildings, though no one was hurt. A 10 PM curfew was imposed, but as soon as it got dark, most streets were already deserted as people hurried back to the safety of their homes.

Everybody at the office was on edge; Madame Phuong seemed a lot more irritable than usual, and more than once, a reporter threw down her work in disgust, asking "Why are we writing about such frivolous things, when there are much more important matters going on?"

Thu spent most nights pacing around the studio, wondering if she should leave, but then she would catch Ralph looking at her, his eyes tugging at her heart, and her resolution would wane again. Could she ask him to come back with her? He would say yes, probably. But it would be difficult for him to stay there, much more difficult than it had been for her to stay here. Perhaps she could just wait until this all blew over. It wouldn't take long, if she remembered her history lessons well.

But it didn't blow over. If anything, it blew up, and Thu finally realized, it was one thing to learn about history. It was another to actually live in it.

On a cold, wet afternoon in late February, two weeks after the mutiny, Thu was coming back to the office after an errand when she saw a crowd outside the office. There were shouts and screams from within. Her heart dropped. Elbowing her way through the rubberneckers, she found her way inside and was greeted with a scene of pandemonium—several Vietnamese police constables were turning the office upside down under the watchful eye of a French officer, while the women huddled in a corner, looking at them with a mixture of fear and hatred. Only Madame Phuong stood alone, tall and motionless, her face deathly pale like a marble statue.

One of the constables emerged from the corner office, brandishing a stack of papers triumphantly and handing it to the French officer. Thu saw a slight waver in Madame Phuong's calm gaze.

The officer threw the papers in front of Madame Phuong and asked her something. She gave a short reply. More questions. Thu had no idea what they were saying, but she caught the words Parti nationaliste vietnamien and could feel the fear from the women around her rise like a wave of cold, clammy air. Then the officer nodded to the constables, and Madame Phuong put her arms out in front of her with a resigned look, accepting the iron cuffs that a constable clinched around her wrists.

"No!" Lien cried out and ran forward, but shrank back in front of the menacing glare of the French officer. The constable yanked at the cuffs, and Madame Phuong was all but dragged outside, bundled into a waiting black car, and taken away.

Once the police were gone, the crowd slowly dispersed as well, leaving only the shell-shocked women behind. They tried in vain to clean up their destroyed office, but all looked dazed. Some went home. Others sat at their desks, burying their faces in their handkerchiefs.

"What was that all about?" Thu asked. "Why did they arrest Madame Phuong?"

"She is a member of the Vietnamese Nationalist Party," Lien said, picking up the scattered papers on the floor.

Thu remembered the New Year's Eve party, the heated discussion, the furtive looks. Had they been discussing the mutiny?

"They're arresting anyone with a connection to the Party now, in case they're connected to the mutiny," Lien continued. Then, remembering something, she looked up at Thu. "You mentioned the Nationalist Party when the news of the mutiny first broke," she said. "How did you know that they were involved?"

"I—I didn't. It just sounded like—like the type of thing they would do," Thu said lamely.

But Lien was not convinced. She stood up, her usual gentleness gone, replaced by fierce anger as her eyes bored into Thu's face with needle-like sharpness. "And how would you know what 'type of things' they usually do, then?" she asked. "I've been watching you, you're a strange one. Nobody knows where you come from, who your family is. Always going around with that photographer, sticking your nose into who knows what." Lien's voice rose. "Did you sell Madame Phuong out to the police? Are you a police spy?"

Lien's accusations were getting the attention of the rest of the staff. They all turned to Thu with suspicious eyes. If Mai were here, she would tell them how silly they were, and that they should focus on straightening up the office and getting some work done. But Mai was still on sick leave, and Thu could only stammer, "No, I'm not—you know I'm not—", before turning on her heel and running away, like the coward she was.

***

She ran back to the studio and sought comfort in Ralph's arms. But it was no good. The guilt she'd felt over Mai was back, only increased tenfold. She knew about the mutiny; she knew would be crushed; she had heard hints of their preparations at the New Year's Eve party; she could've warned Madame Phuong.

"But you can't have known that," Ralph said. "And what if you warned her and it led to some terrible consequences in the future? Like robots taking over?"

She knew he was trying to make her laugh, but this was too big a disaster for her to shake off. Her heart ached when she thought about Madame Phuong's beautiful villa in the modern day, all broken up and in disrepair, and her children. What was going to happen to them?

"They dragged her away like some common criminal," she said. "But she only believes that we should have independence, that we should be free to decide our own affairs. How is that a crime?"

"It's not, but she shouldn't align herself with violent radicals..."

His words stung. She sat up to face him, her nostrils flaring from anger. "And what is she supposed to do? We can't all be Gandhi. France is not Britain. Who do they think they are anyway, coming here and acting like they own the place? Like they own us?"

"I'm sorry," Ralph said quietly.

He looked so apologetic that Thu felt her heart softening. "You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault."

"But I worked for them."

"You left, didn't you?"

Ralph pulled her to him again, rubbing her back. "Is there anything we can do to help Madame Phuong?"

"I don't think so. The rest of us were lucky to not get arrested ourselves. She's going to die in jail, I know it." Thu knew Madame Phuong was going to be imprisoned in Maison Centrale, known locally as Hỏa Lò Prison. The name, which simply meant "stove" in Vietnamese, came from the nearby street which sold wood and coal stoves, but it also meant "Hellhole". It was an apt nickname. Thu knew all of its horror stories, though in her time, only the gatehouse remained as a museum. She buried her face in her hands and shuddered. "I can't stay here, Ralph."

Ralph's hand stiffened on her back. "What do you mean?"

All the romance and beauty and glamor of this time were only an illusion, a veil to hide the darkness underneath. She knew that now. Now the veil had lifted, the illusion gone. "I can't stay here," she repeated. "I've just been kidding myself. I can't live in a place where a girl could die just because she fell in love with the wrong man. I can't live in a place where you can go to jail for fighting for your own country. I have to go back to my time. It's not perfect, but at least we're free."

"But... how are you going to go back?"

She took a deep breath. "I actually found Homeless Pete a while ago," she said, not looking at Ralph. "When you got dengue fever, remember? I found him at the War Memorial. He's still there now."

Ralph took a while to respond. "You found him, but you... stayed?"

She nodded.

"To be with me?"

She hesitated and nodded again. He exhaled, as if his whole being depended on that confirmation.

"So stay now," he said. "Stay with me."

His eyes were fixed on her, squeezing her heart, making it hard to breathe. She looked down again to avoid those blazing eyes. "I can't," she said. "In about ten years, all this is going up in flames. Almost literally."

"We don't have to stay here. We'll go to England, or America, or anywhere..."

She hated to throw cold water over his optimism, the thing she loved most about him, but she had to. "You don't understand. Nowhere is safe." She couldn't imagine being an Asian woman in America after Pearl Harbor. Everywhere she turned, there was just more violence and destruction.

"Why? What's going to happen?"

"... Another world war. Longer and much worse than the last one. And once that's over, Vietnam gets another thirty years of war."

"Thirty years?!"

"Yeah. We didn't have peace until 1975." And decades of austerity and reconstruction afterward, that somehow were even worse than the wars. How many times had she heard those stories from her parents and grandparents?

"My God."

Ralph sat back, his arms slipping off of her waist to hang at his side.

"Come back with me," Thu said, suddenly emboldened.

Ralph was taken aback. "What?"

"Come back to 2023 with me." She had been turning this proposal over in her mind for a while, but now, when faced with the ugliness of the past, it didn't seem so absurd anymore.

"You mean... to stay?"

"Yes!"

"But—"

"Come on, what do you have here? You're wanted for desertion, your parents are gone, your sister doesn't care, the girl you love hates you—"

"God, I hope not."

Thu stared at him. He looked back with a sad little smile, and her breath caught when she realized he wasn't talking about Lauren.

"It seems I have a very specific type, don't I?" he continued, still with that sad little smile that broke her heart. "Girl from the future who wants nothing to do with me. That's my type."

"No, Ralph, that's not true." She took his hands, pressing them to her lips. "I want everything to do with you! That's why I'm asking you to come with me."

"How am I going to live there? What am I going to do for a living?"

"You can teach English. You can become a photographer. You can start a vintage photo studio, it'll be all the rage—there are lots of things you can do!"

"But how, when I'm some sort of persona non grata? You said it yourself, they have all these strict rules about ID and paperwork. How are you going to explain a man just appearing out of nowhere?"

"I don't know," she said, with wild abandonment. "We'll figure something out."

Ralph gazed at her for a long time, beseeching, searching for something only he knew. Then the fire in his eyes went out, and he looked away.

"... I'm sorry, I can't."

Thu dropped his hand. She had been so sure that he would say yes; she'd never expected to have to convince him. "Where's your sense of adventure?" she asked.

"I once ran away because of a girl, and look how it turned out for me."

His refusal cut her to the quick. Was he still that hung up on Lauren? Did he really think she would reject him in the same brutal way or abandon him to his fate? Did the past months mean nothing to him?

"So it's OK for me to stay here and brave war and famine for you, but you can't face paperwork for me?" she snapped.

As he kept looking away from her and saying nothing, her heartbreak turned into anger. She knew she was being unfair, but she couldn't help it. What did he know about war and suffering anyway? He was just a boy playing soldier.

But at least he's lived through a world war, that annoying voice at the back of her mind piped up again. All you've got is what you've read in books. If there's one that doesn't know real war and suffering, it's you. And at the first sign of danger, you're running away.

Ignoring that voice, she got up, went into the bedroom, pulled out her backpack, and started throwing her clothes into it haphazardly, careless of the soft silk and the smooth velvet. Ralph ran after her, seized her arms, and pulled her toward him. She pushed him away, but he held on. "I'm sorry," he said, over and over again. "Please—please don't go."

Somehow she was in his arms again, her face pressed into his chest, hot tears running down her face. "I can't," she sobbed. "It's impossible." That precarious bridge they were on had collapsed, and now they were floundering in the void of time, not belonging anywhere. How long could they stay like this before being consumed by that void?

"I'm not asking you to stay forever," he whispered. "Just for tonight."

"Why?" she asked, but made no attempt to move away. "Why draw it out and hurt ourselves?"

"So I can have some memories to carry with me."

She wanted to leave. Her mind was screaming at her to leave. As soon as she said no, she knew he would let her go. But her body wanted to stay. Her heart wanted to stay.

So she stayed. Just for one night.

"Okay," she said, and crushed his lips with hers.

This wasn't like their first time together, with those tentative kisses, those languorous touches, as they explored each other's body. Now they were desperately clinging to each other, holding on to each other so tight it almost hurt, taking each other in with every one of their five senses, filling every second they had with as much of each other as possible, knowing that there would be no more after this, that it would be goodbye. His frantic thrusts seemed to reach to the very center of her, sending through her an ache that was equal parts pain and pleasure, pushing her close, closer to the edge—

"Wait—" she panted, "slow down—I don't want it to be over yet—"

And he immediately did, easing his pace, keeping his forehead pressed to hers so their eyes never left each other's, while his hands and his lips stroked and caressed, drawing out that exquisite ache into a glow that left her gasping and burning for more.

But nothing could last forever, and soon, too soon, the heat blazed once more, and the slow rhythm now turned wilder, more frenzied as they were pulled helplessly into that fire, consumed by it.

"No—!" she cried out, trying to hold on to the moment, but it was gone, slipped away.

She didn't know how long they remained locked in an embrace afterward. They didn't talk. They didn't sleep. These moments were too precious to be wasted in sleep. She lay as motionlessly as possible, as if by doing so she could halt the flow of time. Keeping her mind blank, she tried to memorize everything about him, his face, the way his curls dropped over his forehead, the feel of him still inside her, his breath, hot and uneven, against her neck, and his hands, gripping hers so closely, afraid she would vanish into the night if he let go.

The cry of a bread vendor eventually roused her. That cry of "Hot bread! Hot bread fresh out of the oven!", still used by bread vendors in her time, reminded her of her old life, of what she had to do. With an enormous effort, she extracted herself from Ralph's arms, got out of bed, and put on her modern clothes, shivering in the early morning air. He made no move to stop her, simply followed her with his eyes, eyes that were no longer desperate but had grown sad with acceptance.

She went back to packing, taking more care with the áo dài this time. Unable to fit all of them into her backpack, she only took her two favorites—a pale green silk, and the burgundy velvet. The rest she folded into a neat pile. "Will you give these to Mai, please?" she asked Ralph. She wouldn't have time to say goodbye to the girl as well. "They're a bit long for her, but I hate for them to go to waste. Tell her—tell her I've gone back to Hong Kong or something."

He nodded. There was nothing else to say.

When he saw her take out the album he'd given her and put it on his bedside table, Ralph sat up. "What are you doing?" he asked. "That's yours!"

"But those are the only photos you have of me," she said. "I want you to have them, to remember me by."

"I can always print more." She hadn't thought of that. Seeing her hesitate, he jumped out of bed. "Dammit, I can take one of you right now!"

"In this getup, after that sleepless night?" she said with a rueful grin. "Not on your life."

"You always look beautiful to me."

He reached for her, but she pulled back slightly, shaking her head. "Don't," she said, and he dropped his hand, looking crushed.

"What about you?" he asked. "What do you have to remember me by?"

His pleading tone broke her resolve. She went to him, took his face between her hands, and kissed him, hard. "Do you honestly think I'm in any danger of forgetting, after all this?" she asked, once they drew apart for a breath.

"...Yes," he whispered, "and that's why I have to keep reminding you"—he pulled her back for another kiss, and another, and another, until she steeled her heart and turned away.

She then took an envelope out of the inner pocket of her backpack, where she had hidden all the money she had saved. She kept back a few bills and coins as mementos, and handed the rest to him.

"I believe it's enough for a steamship ticket out of Indochina," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I can't take this," he said.

"I have no use for it." She pressed the envelope into his hand. "Please, Ralph. Take it and go... somewhere. Stay out of the war. I'll feel better if I know you're safe."

"But how would you know?"

Thu thought about Doc Brown sending Marty a letter from the Wild West at the end of Back to the Future II. That wouldn't work here; there was no business reliable enough that was still operating after decades of wars and reconstruction. What still stood in her time that was accessible? Then she remembered. "You remember that cotton tree by the archaeology school?"

"Yes."

"It still stands in my time. If you do go home, leave me some sort of sign there, OK? I'll know that way."

He clutched at both the envelope and her hand for a moment, before letting go.

"Look me up on that goggle thing when you get back, will you?" he said.

Despite the lump in her throat, Thu had to smile. "Google," she corrected him.

"OK, Google. Maybe I will have become a famous photographer or something."

The forced cheerfulness of his voice, which contrasted with the look in his eyes, was unbearable. She nodded, knowing she would break into tears if she opened her mouth. Hoisting the backpack onto her shoulder, she turned, opened the door, and fled into the freezing winter morning.

***

She didn't remember how she'd found Homeless Pete. She must have gone to Robin Park, put the chocolate into his hand, and dragged him back to the IDEO Printing House with her, because the next thing she knew, she was back in the elevator as it shook and disintegrated and reassembled around her. When she opened her eyes again, the light was back on and Homeless Pete had disappeared once more.

She stepped out of the elevator. A gust of air-conditioned wind blasted her in the face, along with the smells of coffee and pastries. She looked around. She was back in the French Institute, standing in front of the boulangerie that took up the right-hand side of its entrance hall. People were hurrying back and forth, nobody paying her an ounce of attention.

She grabbed a woman walking past. "Excuse me, what's today's date?" she asked.

"First of September," the woman replied.

"What year?"

The woman shot her a curious look, but answered anyway, "2023."

September 1st, 2023. A clock on the coffee shop's wall told her it was just past seven PM. Homeless Pete had taken her right back. She had never left at all.

Dazed, Thu left the building and walked the familiar street back to the museum, dodging traffic by instinct rather than actual awareness. She would get her motorbike, which was still in the employee's parking lot, and get home.

As she reached the museum gate, however, a tall, dark shape out of the corner of her eyes caught Thu's attention and shook some of the daze out of her. It was the ancient cotton tree, its straight trunk rising above the museum, its leaves rustling by the octagonal roof. Dusk was falling, but she could still see by the light of the street lamps. She had to check... she had to know...

But even as she pulled out her phone, another fear reared its head in her mind. What if, since she'd returned to the exact moment she left, those months with Ralph had never happened at all? What if they had never met? But no, her necklace was gone. That told her that her six-month trip in the past did happen. She turned her phone on and inevitably flinched at her lock screen, which was set to a photo of her and Ralph. Trying hard not to look at it, she switched her flashlight on and shone it over the tree trunk while she walked around its base, checking it carefully inch by inch.

Her fingers felt it first—a difference in the roughness of the bark, a slight raise. Then her eyes saw it. Carved into the trunk of the cotton tree, just a little above her eye level, was that classic shape that anyone who had ever been in love would recognize—a heart framing two letters, R+A. It had been carved a long, long time ago, and the tree had filled in the deep groove, turning it slightly bumpy, making it easier to notice. R+A. Ralph and Autumn. That was his sign. He had gone home. He was safe.

Thu leaned against the tree trunk, heedless of its scratches on her forehead, and cried, half from relief, half from sorrow.

A/N: And that's the end.

I'm totally kidding! But we only have 2 chapters left, so the end is nigh...

#ralph penbury #ralph timewasters #ralph penbury fic #joseph quinn #joseph quinn fic #ralph penbury smut #ralph timewasters smut #joseph quinn smut #i've sufficiently recovered from that teaser clip of hoard so it's back to business

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theoryandahalf · 4 months

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Hi, how's it going? Is there like an official schedule for what days each channel releases on? I think there is but I haven't noticed/am very dumb. Thanks

Hey friend! You're totally not dumb, Theorist hasn't been consistent lately. The short answer is, there's a schedule, but they break from it frequently. Don't feel bad at all!

The most consist upload schedule is GT Live. They upload Monday, Wednesday and Fridays at 4pm PST/ 7pm EST/ 11pm GMT and very rarely deviate from it.

After that, its not as consistent. Usually they will post the theory channels on the weekends, Saturday and Sunday, and if there's any delay in editing, traditionally they post on a Tuesday or Thursday (rare). They even joke about this in one of the endings for Matt's final video. However, since adding Style Theory, I've noticed more and more Film, Food and Style Theory episodes slipping to Tuesday/Thursday postings. This is NOT consistent. I think they're still trying to figure out what works for Food and Style as they've had the most drop off in viewership.

In general:

Game Theory: Almost always Saturdays between 9am-11am PST/12-2 EST/4-6pm GMT Game Theory is always on the weekend unless there was some sort of hideous delay or Matt is going to drop some bombshell on us, which he likes to do on Tuesdays, the jerk.

Film Theory is also usually a weekend upload, and if its on the same day as GT, it will be post around 11am-1pm PST/ 2-4 EST / 6-8pm GMT.

Food Theory and Style Theory are a toss up and if they go up on a Tuesday ...I honestly haven't noticed a consistent timeframe. Usually in the afternoon. Has anyone else noticed a consistent time? I also feel like for the last two Amy episodes Style Theory was posted first, on Saturdays at 9am pst. I think they consider that their prime timeslot.

So in summary...no, you're not silly for missing all this, if anyone is dumb its me, for having all this in my head. Send help.

Late Edit: I forgot to mention, Style Theory is (sometimes) on a bi-monthly schedule meaning they post a video every other week, due to how research heavy those episodes tend to be. Again, its not fixed yet, but if there's a week with no Amy, assume it'll be next week.

#i feel like i have ptsd that flares up whenever game theory posts on tuesdays #“we lost a million dollars” or “we sold theorist”#we let team theorist punch santi and now they're all in jail #matthew please stop it #ask: midnightstollsinlatefall1

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kairasims · 1 year

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Hello hello lovelies! I hope everyone is having a good week so far. This post will be kind of long (sort of) as it will contain some updates and whatnot so check below the cut!

First and foremost welcome to my new followers! I’m glad that me and my sims interest you enough that you hit that follow button lol 🤣 I hope I can keep you all interested in my upcoming content and previous content. ☺️

NOW! let’s get down to business. I’d like to first apologize for the lack of posting. Before, I was posting several times a day. During that time, I was out of a job so I had A LOT of free time however, I now have TWO jobs and I’m also a single mom to 2. I just wanted to clarify that for my new peeps. With that being said, my time is VERY limited. The only time I really get to play is on the weekends and usually it’s late night. So my posts will usually be done pretty late but at least you all will have something to look forward to when you wake up! ☺️ Or if you reside in a different time zone, you’ll have something to look forward to during your lunch break, or when you get home etc.

I post mostly pictures of sims I create because I LIVE in CAS 🤣 I was a Barbie lover as a child and had TONS of Barbie stuff and LOVED to play dress up. So being in CAS is like playing Barbie to me (adult style) lol. However, I do posts random shots of my gameplay from time to time.

If you couldn’t tell, I have a story in the works called Forever in San Myshuno. It will be based around 4 women who are best friends who go throughout their early adulthood and of course there will be DRAMA. I was a huge fan of the show Friends and so I was kind of inspired to make a story of that caliber. I really want to execute the first episode of that story really well so I’ve been taking my time and preparing for it hence why it’s taking quite a while for the first post. I have to give you storytellers props because it’s A LOT of work trying to get everything set up like jobs, and placing lots and finding everything that’s needed. But I am REALLY excited to share the first post.

SO with that being said as well, the first episode to Forever in San Myshuno will be out on Saturday, 9/16/23!

SPREAD THE WORD! ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!! 👏🏾👏🏾

Yes! It is FINALLY happening! I will spend the better part of Friday night taking screenshots and editing and everything in between and the first post will be live on Saturday! Again, I post late night since I’m usually busy with my kids during the day so expect that first episode to be out late Saturday night. I’m REALLY excited as I have wanted nothing more than to finally play and get this first episode out! And though I haven’t played with them, I’m growing an attachment to my main OC’s.

I hope you all will enjoy the first episode and know that I am NOT a pro with editing and whatnot and I’m still trying to find my “style” of storytelling so I will be asking for feedback as I want it to be easier for you all to read whether it be on mobile or desktop or any other device.

I will also try and post shots of the characters apartments along with the gallery ID of the creators. I want to try and do that BEFORE the first episode but if not then it will be a bit after the first episode.

As for other gameplay screenshots, I will DEFINITELY be posting some of those as well. I have a couple of challenges that I’ve been playing that I’d like to keep playing such as the Joy of Life Legacy Challenge and the Not So Berry challenge (for the 100th time 🙄🤣). I also do have a YouTube channel and will be working towards getting the right equipment and set up so I can do LP videos for you all and maybe some CAS videos (something I REALLY have been wanting to do for a LONG time). But again, everything is a work in progress.

Ok so this post IS lengthy but I promise that’s all the news I have for now! Hope you all enjoy the rest of your week and I will see you Saturday! Stay tuned and Happy Simming! 🥰

#kairasims #the sims community #thesims4 #sims4 #ts4 #the sims 4 #Forever in San Myshuno #I felt like I owed you guys an update #a lot of people were curious to when the story was coming out #I can’t wait for you all to read it!

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hawthorneonarainyday · 1 year

Text

Somewhere Only We Know.

Art by the amazing Rakunaito ! This is a little something I found on my laptop today. It's been a while since I wrote it and it's not anything grand, but maybe some of you will enjoy it anyway! I whipped it up while I was in my depressive episode, which may explain it's tone but hey. At least I wrote something, right? Summary ~ An old picnic table, hidden somewhere in the forest and three people who unexpectedly stumble upon each other. What will they find out there, hidden behind rows and rows of trees and silence? Is it friendship? Love? Or is it all doomed to crash and burn? Attention! - This little thing is rather sad and depressing, so please read it only if you're in the right headspace! If you're not, don't force yourself. It will wait here until you're ready! Information you might need ♥ ~ Word Count: 8764 3rd Person (She/Her) It's an OC this time! In this One-Shot you will find: A lot of weather-talk, angst, canon typical violence, spoilers for season 2, 3, 4 and tons of cursing. There will be mentions of hospitals, injuries, grief, loss, death, funerals, smoking, trauma and unrequited love. Enjoy ♥

Thursday, the 13th of December 1984

The day was cold and dark. Sharp winds rushed through the small town of Hawkins, ushering people along the sidewalks much quicker than usual. Noses were turning red and runny, eyes stinging from the unceasing winter winds as goosebumps rose where cold touched unhidden skin. It was a typical winter day in Indiana, merely missing some rain or sleet to be absolutely standard. Knowing this good for nothing town, it wouldn’t be too long before it came. Its inhabitants knew, of course, and thus preferred to huddle together inside, far away from the cold and the wet that Indiana became during this time of year.

Well, all but one that was.

One girl, clearly not one of the town natives, was outside, braving the cold with little to no regard to the strange glances people cast her way. It didn’t happen too often anyway, not where she sat; elbows perched on a lone picknick table surrounded by trees and effectively hidden from view. There were a couple odd stragglers every now and again, mostly kids looking to strike a deal with Hawkins Highs famed freak. It was few and far between, most of them stopping and turning the moment they saw the weird blonde sitting where they expected to find Eddie Munson.

Her eyes were closed, pale skin tinted pink by prolonged exposure to the biting cold. Wind would mess up her shaggy hair, whipping the bleached strands about without mercy. Despite the freezing temperatures her jacket was left open; her Ramones shirt exposed as cold gales tickled her skin and left goosebumps in their wake.

It was strange view for most, the weird girl sitting outside all pale and washed out in her dark ‘scary’ clothes; sitting there like she was enjoying every freezing gale. Like she was born from ice itself. And it was true too. To her, it was pure bliss. She’d spent weeks cooped up inside, unable to move about as she pleased and desperate to feel anything but the stuffy, dry air of her hospital room. Sitting there in the freezing cold made her feel alive, like she’d finally got a piece of her life back. Like she finally got her freedom back.

Leaves were rustling under someone’s steps, heavy and confident a few metres away. They were quickly coming closer, clearly knowing where they were headed, but she didn’t bother opening her eyes. She knew who it was, used to the stomping by now.

“You’ll end up frostbitten if you sit here like that.” Her lips curled up at the sound of his voice, gruff and sharp like the wind and becoming more familiar by the day.

“That’d just make me look even more badarse, and you know that’s all I long for.” The boy snorted, dropping down onto the bench across from her. The old bench groaned under his ruthless plummeting and she wouldn’t have been surprised to see it break one of these days. She’d be laughing the moment it did. The image of Billy Hargrove sitting on his arse with surprise and annoyance on his face was just pure gold.

“What are you grinning for?” Snorting, she opened her eyes and turned. Blue met blue when the two made eye contact, both raising a mocking brow at each other.

“There’s something called emotions, Hargrove.” The way she said his name was always foreign to his ears, her accent thick on the ‘a’ and ‘o’. “Odd concept, I know, but maybe summit worth looking into.” A pack of cigarettes was flung his way with little care and he barely managed to stop them from smacking his face. It made her grin widen, his scowl as he fingered one of the smokes out of its papery prison. She held out her hand for his lighter, hers no good in the wind, and he passed it to her with rolling eyes.

“Bite me, Bessie.”

Bessie.

Back home, no one ever called her that. She was always just Liz or Lizzy, sometimes Elizabeth or Lizbeth, but never Bessie. The Americans in this small town, however, seemed drawn to that one, drawn to Bess or Bessie. It was like she was someone else here, as if crossing the ocean killed Lizzy and turned her into ‘Bess’. The odd girl from England that came to stay in little old Hawkins after her parents passed away, too scared to spend her life all alone in a town like Doncaster.

First, people had been excited about the town’s newest addition, the mysterious niece of Claudia Henderson. Many knew of her; few remembered her from when she was little. They remembered freckly girl with dark blonde hair and huge blue eyes that loved to drag the Harrington boy out of his room and into all sorts of shenanigans during summer time visits.

That had been lifetimes ago, though.

The woman that got out of the car, clad in all black and ramped up on attitude, was not the same she’d been all those years ago. She’d always been rebellious, certainly, but never like this. Never in ways that counted as ‘too much’ for little Hawkins. Never enough to be considered a troublemaker from the moment she’d arrived. It wasn’t a label she deserved, not by far. Elizabeth was many things, but she didn’t bother anyone. Not until they bothered her. A concept, that seemed foreign to the small-town folk, it seemed.

She didn’t care, though; wasn’t too worried about the tiny town’s population as a whole. In the end, she was here for one thing and one thing only – family. She’d come here for the only family she had left, her cocky cousin and her cat crazed aunt, and the rest of Hawkins could never change that. For her family, she could live with the disapproving glances and snarky comments she received. They rolled off her like water off a ducks back.

“Not today, Hargrove, I’m knackered.” Could a frown make noises? Because she was quite sure she could hear his from where she sat, her back turned to him. “Tired. I meant I’m tired.”

“How long have you been sitting here?”

“Couple hours.” He scoffed, but kept quiet. Billy knew he couldn’t really say anything, seeing as he himself had spent hours on end out here; hiding away from everyone and everything. It was the beauty of this place, how secluded it was. Nobody knew they came here, so nobody would come looking for them. If someone wandered by in search for Munson, they usually didn’t pay attention to who else was sitting there. No one wanted to be seen while ‘making a deal with the devil’, so they took off and ran the moment they noticed they weren’t alone.

Speak of the devil.

“No way.” A voice called over the clearing, the blonde² turning towards the new arrival. “Henderson is that you!?” There he stood, a grinning Eddie Munson in all his glory with bright eyes and blood dripping down his face. Bess and Billy sat up, shared frowns pulling at their features and Eddie had half a mind to mention how similar they looked right then, their brows furrowed deep over their blue eyes, but he didn’t. No, he kept quiet and skipped over to them, flinging blood left and right with every hop.

“What the fuck happened to your face?” Billys voice was harsh, harsh enough to have Eddie choose the seat next to Bess. The girl all the while was scrambling for her bandana, untying it with rough fingers.

“Another round of ‘Torment the Freak!’, every jock’s game of choice.” The black and white fabric fell away from her wrist and she pressed it against Eddies nose. Wincing, he nodded towards Billy. “No offence, man.” Eddies voice was nasally and muddled by her fingers and the fabric, his face scrunching up more with every bit of pressure she applied.

“I’m no jock.”

“Right. You just happen to play basketball.” It was what he always said, and honestly? They believed him. It was clear that Billy didn’t care about the sport and all the things that came attached with it. He liked winning, he liked attention. That was it. But that didn’t mean they let him off easily, not when teasing him was so much more fun. “And of course you’re just popular because of your radiant personality.” Bess chuckled and Billy rolled his eyes. “Radiant personality and those jeans. Am I right, Henderson?”

“Don’t start.” That had both Billy and Eddie grin, the boys eyeing her with unhidden amusement. It wasn’t a secret that she’d been looking every now and again, but what was a girl to do? His jeans were basically moulded to his arse, it would be a shame to let that go to waste. Especially when no one was around to see. It was a sitting duck for Eddie and Billy, obviously.

“Aw, come on. It’s basically flatt-aigh!” She’d jabbed the bandana against his nose, a warning, and Eddie’s eyes watered. “Damn, Henderson, be gentle with me. I’m a wounded man, alright?” She rolled her eyes, softly kicking his shin.

“It’s Fraser-Henderson, you muppet. I’ve told you a million times by now.”

“Nah, Henderson. That’s too long.” Scowling, Bess stubbed his nose once more, earning another hiss.

“Jesus Christ, woman.”

“You should go see a doctor, chap.”

“Uh, you mean I should smoke some weed and hope that I don’t end up with a crooked nose? Because that’s definitely what I’m planning on doing.” Eddie chuckled, grinning despite the blood still trickling into the bandana. “A doctor, right. Good joke.” She sighed.

“Who did that to you? Hagan again?”

“No, actually, this time it was Carver!” He wiggled his fingers happily. “Another young knight has tried and failed to defeat the evil spawn of Satan!”

“Grant, just what this bullshit town needs.” It was already shock full of short-sighted morons and apparently, there were more to come. “More wankers roaming the streets.” The metalhead cooed, hands clasping over his chest as he blinked at her.

“Look at you, your majesty, sounding like one of us already. Hargrove, man, you gotta take her as an example. A mere year and she’s already one of Hawkins finest!” Billy just grunted something, stubbing the cigarette on the wooden table with no regard for the damage it did. The wood was already starting to turn black, scarred by the constant abuse it was faced with.

“Munson, I swear to all things holy - I’ll eat your dumb face for breakfast if you don’t stop with that bloody ‘your majesty’ rubbish.” The boy cackled, unphased by her threats. He knew she hated it, which is particularly why he used it.

“And that is why the queen of demons in my campaign is based on you, Henderson.”

“God, I hate you.” The bleeding stopped, his blood finally clotting enough. She tossed the bandana onto the table before wiping her hand on his shirt. “You and that stupid game.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you tried it!” Billy tossed her cigarettes over, after helping himself to another one of course. With little regard for his sore skin, Bess shoved a fag between Eddies lips and flicked Billys lighter right after. Once it was burning, Eddie took over the lighter duty, lighting up her and Billys cigarettes one after the other.

“Munson. I’m working class, alright? Don’t make me out to be a tory. No one likes those.” Whatever any of that meant. Both Billy and Eddie weren’t really up to par with England and whatever was happening around there and neither of them cared all too much. They weren’t ever going to go there anyway.

“Yeah, no clue what you’re saying.” It was unnecessary to say it, because Bess knew. The fact that Americans were rarely interested in any country that wasn’t theirs was well known. Actually, that had always been something her mum had nagged about, how disinterested her sister and the rest of their family were about her own life in England. “Anyway! How’s it going, Henderson? Didn’t think we’d see you here today, as delighted as I am.”

Nobody had, to be honest. Early November, word of her scuffle with a ‘mystery animal’ spread around town like lightning. It was rare around these parts, for someone to get attacked. Bess had been the talk of the town, even people who’d never heard of her now knowing her name and face. Obviously no one knew exactly what had happened or how bad it had been, they just knew that it had been bad. It was pretty obvious with how jittery Harrington had been, his time split between school and the hospital for nearly all of November.

It must have been looked similar for little Dustin Henderson and his mother, both just doing the necessary thing before joining Bess in her recovery. In the end, the Henderson niece had to spend a couple of weeks in the hospital to recuperate and her released hat been postponed again and again. An infection here, a ripped stitch there and bang. Another week added to her sentence. She’d been released only yesterday, a fact she doubted anyone knew. Most had been much too focussed on the whole ‘mauled by something’ part.

“I’m all stitched up and will sport some killer scars not too far in the future, if that is what you mean.”

“Nice. You’re gonna look super badass.” She grinned, eyes flickering with something neither of the boys could properly identify just yet. It looked odd, like fear or maybe resignation? Nothing they knew from the girl, that was for sure.

“I’d better. I earned that.” Shaking her head, she used the cigarette to point at both of the boys, ash flinging around with every move. “Have you ever been cooped up in a hospital room for a month while everybody treats you like you like a delicate flower? Like you’re one of those fucking expensive china sets? You know, one of those that break when your tea is too hot?”

“That sounds fucking useless.” Billy shook his head. “Rich people.”

“I agree, man. We’ve got three mugs in the trailer, two of which are chipped. But none of which because the coffee was too hot.”

“Focus, lads.” Bess groaned, pushing the bleached blonde hair out of her face with fluttery fingers. “What I mean is: They didn’t even allow me to crank a fucking window, jabbering something about ‘infection’ and ‘cold’ and shit.” She scoffed. “It’s not like I lost my spleen or anything, I’m fine. And you don’t get a cold from sitting in the cold anyway.” That was not how viruses and bacteria worked, but neither her aunt nor Dustin nor Steve had listened to reason. “They act like I’m going to drop dead because of a spirited sneeze. You know what’s actually going to have me drop dead?” She didn’t give them time to answer. “It’s the stupid amount of debt I raked up in this country because apparently you guys hate universal health care.” The thought of the bill had her feel extremely nauseous. It was high, to high for this moment in her life. Honestly, to high for something she couldn’t control. “I mean, have you seen what these people charge you for? At this point I wouldn’t be surprised to be charged for breathing their air. Maybe I am and I just haven’t seen it, because I damn near fainted when they handed me the bill.” Her knees had given in just a tiny bit and she’d had to use to wall to keep standing. Stupid, because it looked really wrong from the outside. “Which, of course, had my aunt and Steve freak out. I had to run straight out of the hospital before they could drag me back for another round of check ups that I can’t afford.” The brunette patted her shoulder with a sympathetic sigh and she rubbed her forehead. “Next time, make sure they just leave me to die in a ditch somewhere.”

“Sure, I’ll make sure Harrington gets the message. He was the one to drag you back, right?” Bess nodded, eyes falling to the table at the memory.

Mystery animal.

The term nearly had her scoff the first time she’d heard it. But sure, how else would they explain? What else was Dustin supposed to tell his mum? That his cousin and her childhood summer-friend had taken him and his little friends to hunt down some venus flytrap-dog mutant monsters and one of them had managed to jump her and drag her away when she tried to protect him? Yeah, no, that would get him a nice bed at Penhurst.

So ‘weird animal’ was what they went with. They gave weird descriptions about height and appearance – huge claws and a ton of teeth! – and the people responsible left more confused than they came. In the end, the official reports settled for a stray cougar. If only.

Bess herself didn’t remember much about the whole night, barely enough to remember the thing jumping her after she’d pushed Dustin aside. Then there was a whole lot of pain, the feeling of being dragged away from the rest of them and then there was nothing. First, she’d thought that she’d fainted. But apparently, she’d been up and running the minute Steve had batted the demobitch away, ushering the kids out of the tunnels as if she wasn’t hurt at all. Only after they were all out and halfway at Steve’s car had she finally dropped down into nothingness, leaving the kids and Steve to drag her towards the car and into the hospital.

“You okay, Henderson?” Bess closed her eyes and sighed, shoving the memory back down as far as she could.

“Peachy.” She offered the two of them a smile. “Can’t afford therapy anyway.” Billy snorted and Eddie chuckled, leaning onto the table.

“Surprised they let you leave if they were bein’ all overprotective.” Her face scrunched up guiltily at Billy’s words, a minute reaction she couldn’t control and Eddie gasped.

“No way. You totally ran off, didn’t you?” The metalhead whistled, a sharp sound that got lost in the wind and she just shrugged.

“I had no other choice. They wouldn’t have let me leave alone.” Stubbing her cigarettes, she shrugged. “I just needed a moment of peace, that’s all.” And a moment away from Steve and Dustin, playing cards and pretending that they weren’t watching her while totally watching her.

All of them understood. Of course they did.

It was what this place was about.

An escape, a way to catch a breath away from prying eyes. Here, at the old, gruffy table just outside of school bounds, they could settle back and be who they were. No one was there to see Billy shed his machismo, see the version of him that was more likable than the one he usually presented. They couldn’t see Eddie drop his continuous smile the minute he wandered out into the forest. Couldn’t see Bess, quiet and tired.

The three of them were so used to pretending, so used to hiding themselves and everything that made them vulnerable, that their skin felt like a prison some days. Holding in, Holding back, Holding up – always pretending. Pretending to not be hurt, to not be tired and afraid, desperately acting like they were all okay when they simply weren’t.

Out here, they could simply be. They’d shed their skins, left their armour by the entrance of the forest without looking back. They would crawl into the forest, battered, and bruised, to lick their wounds in silence.

The first time they’d ran into each other had been difficult. They hadn’t been snarling at each other, not like they would have been if they’d met anywhere else. No, they were much too tired for that. But it had been difficult to relax, to let go and tune into the silence they so desperately craved while the other was right there, next to them. But they’d gotten used to it, used to the fragile peace they’d made in here.

Fragile peace that had turned to fragile friendship at some point. Neither said it, but they knew they cared about each other. Each and everyone of them was looking forward to this, this meeting with unlikely friends. Friends, that only lasted as far as the trees did. The second they stepped out of here; they stopped existing in the same bubble. Those people from the forest were no more, hardened strangers taking their place.

Their unspoken agreement.

Outside of the forest, there would be nothing between them. No friendly nods, no rescuing each other from whatever danger – nothing. One could place the three of them right next to each other and nobody would be able to tell that they knew each other. Not a hint of recognition, of acknowledgement would be shared. Like they were nothing at all.

“What about that guy?” Bess’ eyes closed as she allowed the wind to brush by her face. She was smiling, a soft tilt to her lips that said nothing and everything. It was a question Billy asked every time they met, never ceasing. His way of showing interest.

“Back to being desperately in love with someone else.” Billy sighed. Eddie sighed. The entire forest sighed. But she just smiled on, opening her eyes to take the boys in. “What about you lads? What did I miss?” They stayed quiet and she snorted. “Come on, you can’t tell me that nothing happened all month.” Eddie looked around the forest, focusing on nothing in particular and behind her, Billy was tapping against the table in some off cut rhythm. “Hmmh, by all means, please keep it to yourself.”

“I might not graduate again.” They turned towards Eddie; brows pinched together.

“What?”

“Wait, you guys graduate in May, right?” Billy nodded and she focused on Eddie. “Then how do you know? There’s still so much time left.”

“Yeah, I dunno, Henderson. Higgins wasn’t really in a sunny ‘explaining’ mood. The bastard basically laughed in my face when I told him I was trying to graduate this year.”

“Don’t you think he was just trying to piss you off?”

“Nah, I don’t think so, man.” Eddie shrugged. “It felt less like that and more like he knew something I didn’t. You know the type of laugh I mean?” Who didn’t? Everyone had heard that cocky ‘if-you-only-knew’ laugh before.

A shared sigh ran through the forest.

“Fuck.” Bess bumped his shoulder comfortingly. “I’m sorry, Eddie.”

“This fucking town really has me in a chokehold, doesn’t it? I thought they wanted me gone as soon as possible, but it feels like they’re doing everything to keep me here.” He sighed. “If I’m not careful, I’ll end up dying here. And that would majorly suck. Who wants to die in fucking Hawkins, of all places?”

“I nearly did and you’re right. I’m not keen on trying again.” That had him gasp and turn, wincing.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t-“

“It’s fine. It’s true. Imagine dying here. No. God no.” She scoffed. “I mean, I’m counting my fucking days until I can leave this bloody place. I don’t want to be buried here, no way in hell.”

“Me neither.” Billy was playing with his earring, looking lost in thought. “That’s like eternal life sentencing. No, if I have to, I at least want to die far away from this cow ridden shit stain.” Blonde curls ruffled about as he shook his head. His eyes were lowered, stuck to the scrawly letters Eddie had carved into the table with his pen knife. “I’m goin’ back home. If it’s the last thing I do - I’m goin’ home.”

“Home? To California?” He nodded, wind tousling his hair. “That your plan for the months to come?”

“Yeah. I’m goin’ to graduate, work a summer job to save up some cash, and then I’m outta here. Fuck this town, fuck everything about it.” Short silence passed between them. None of them had anything to add, each lost in thought.

Not thought. Daydreams.

Dreams of a future anywhere but here. A future where they had left Hawkins behind; a faint memory by then.

They dreamed of a musician, couped up in a small studio apartment in New York. He wasn’t famous, not the next Van Halen, but he was doing well for himself. Some people knew him, knew his songs and that was more than enough. He was happy, because it was all his. He’d gotten there by himself and he got to make music.

They dreamed of a mechanic, living in a house by the beach. This one wasn’t on his own, no. He had a wife, a radiant woman with a kind smile, and kids. Even a god damn dog. It was something he rarely thought about, but he desperately wanted it. He wanted a family, a good family. And right then, he had it. He had a good, healthy family that was nothing like his own. And he was happy. He was happy, because he build something he’d never had, build a life that was filled with love and sunshine.

And they dreamed of a nurse, living anywhere but here. She didn’t care, didn’t know too many places around the US just yet. Anything would be better than this town, the town that was so hostile towards her. A certain guy was with her, all floppy brown hair and honeyed eyes. He was smiling. They both were. The place they shared wasn’t big, wasn’t much, but it was theirs. It was somewhere to feel at home, to feel like they belonged exactly the way they were. It was a place to heal.

It was all they ever wanted.

All of their dreams were different. Different places, different people, different lifetimes apart. In all of them, however, the main character would think back, just every once in a while. They’d think back to this place, to the old picnic table out in the forest and they’d remember. Remember the faces of the two people that didn’t force them to pretend. The two people that made life just that tiny bit more bearable.

“Well. Amen to that, Hargrove.”

It held finality, that one. It was the last statement for the day, the last thing they said before they got up and left wordlessly. Each got up and left the same way they came, without a greeting or a word goodbye. No questions as to when or if they’d meet again.

First Billy.

Then Eddie.

And finally, Bess.

Once again, the three of them left a part of themselves behind, hiding it away in the dark, lonely forest until they’d find their way back. Their armour was back on, well-worn and bloodied, until another day dawned; until another escape was deemed necessary to stop them from combusting.

Until then, only the forest remembered what had once been.

Wednesday, the 24th of July 1985

The day was bright and shimmering; unfiltered sun glaring down onto the fine people of Hawkins without mercy. Air was visibly curling above everything, the entire town heating up like father’s favourite grill. Asphalt burned beneath naked feet, the few silly enough to walk around without any shoes at all squealing with every hop-step they took. People were sticky and sweaty, half of them gloriously tanned by the continuous sun and others halfway through their sunburns; skin peeling away in dry, white flakes.

It was unbearably hot.

And yet people braved the outsides like it was nothing, squeezing themselves into the community pool and around the lakes. Mothers were yelling after their kids, waving bottles and tubes of SPF50 with the promise of ice cream or juice packs if they held still for just five minutes. Ice cream was dripping down sticky fingers, leaving a trail about for ants to find and enjoy. Bored lifeguards were yelling out orders every now and again, eyes on glued to the same old people every day.

Backyards were filled with teens lounging about in their friend’s pool, chatting, and splashing each other with water. If they were lucky, they managed to get their hands on a bottle of their parents Aperol and had the time of their lives, happily mixing it with cheap carbonated water for some unfiltered fun.

Most people were happy. They were having fun, laughing, and enjoying the last bits of sun they could get because summer wouldn’t last forever.

She, however, wasn’t like them.

To her, the whole day felt far away. Like she wasn’t part of what she saw, not part of the happiness and excitement that rattled the rest of the town. The emotion was there, vibrating around her all day, but she couldn’t touch it. It seemed to slip past her every day, no matter how often people tried to drag her into it.

And they did try, they truly did. Steve and the children would usher her around, drag her out into the world of the living every day like nothing had ever happened. They were desperate, she knew, desperate to move on and heal and they wanted to do it with her. Nobody wanted to leave her behind, not Robin, not Max, not Dustin.

For their sake, she pretended it worked.

She’d go along with them and be the life of the party. A bit of witty sarcasm here, some jokes there. She was the one who laughed the loudest out of all of them. At every chance she got, she would smile at them – all teeth and amusement. She clung to every little bit of serotonin she could find, act normal and happy and alive like the rest of them.

It didn’t last. It never did.

The minute everyone turned their backs, the smile fell off her face as if it had never been there. Maybe it truly hadn’t been. She wasn’t sure, the lines between real and fake slowly whirring together the longer she pretended to be okay. Honestly, she didn’t know how the rest of them did it, how the rest of them kept smiling after everything they’d seen. There were still traces of this year’s fallout left; bruises that had yet to vanish completely and scars that had yet to turn silver, and still everyone moved on like nothing ever happened.

Only she was left behind, the skeletons in her closet hanging onto her ankles with surprising vigour.

And that day, it had finally been enough. Too much.

She’d fled from society the minute no one was watching, making her escape in nothing but shorts, her ‘the clash’ shirt and flipflops. Her hair was wild and unkempt, fluttering in tandem with all the leaves with every rare gust of wind. The forest around her was quiet, no one coming here during this time of year. So, there was no one to see her, slumped at the old picnic table with her face hidden in the safety of her own arms when she wasn’t busy smoking away.

Good. She didn’t want to deal with them.

“No way.” A voice called over the clearing. “It’s Bessie Fraser-Henderson, is that you? I can’t believe it.” Eddie Munson was idling towards her, dressed all too warmly for the weather in long ripped jeans and a cut-up Iron Maiden shirt. The usual perm he sported was weak, the curls nearly falling flat against his head wherever they escaped the ponytail he’d collected the rest of them into. His nose was pinked, a mild sun burn making him look flushed and warm.

“Don’t you look all summery.” It earned her a smile as the boy flopped down next to her, his usual seat, and she rolled a cigarette over to him. “Didn’t think I’d see you here today, Eddie.”

“Likewise, Bessie, likewise. You haven’t been here in weeks.” She chuckled, leaning onto the table to watch him.

“Have you?”

“Nope.”

“Thought so.”

“But it’s good to see you all up and running again. What’s going on with you-shit.” His lighter clonked down onto the cool forest floor and he scrambled after it, belt rattling all too loudly in the forests silence.

“Oh, you know. Got tortured, drugged, and watched our friend die.” It was spoken quickly, barely audible behind the noise Eddie was making, and earned her a confused glance.

“What?” She chuckled.

“Clean your ears, Eddie. I think they’re clogged.” Sighing, she watched him light his cigarette before offering the lighter to her. “I said: Lost all three jobs, raked up more medical bills and am still stuck in this town. The usual.” The boy winced, leaning back against the table.

“Some new job on the horizon, then?”

“Nope, null. At this point, I’ll either have to become a prostitute or flee the country to escape this debt.” Eddie grinned, looking her up and down before nodding approvingly.

“You’d make a killer prostitute.”

“Of course that’s the thing you’d choose.”

“Hey, I’m nothing if not self-serving, Fraser. What am I ‘sposed to do? Smoke on my own? Nah nah, young lady, you’re better staying where I can see you. I still have a year to go.”

“So, you’re trying again?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I am. I hate this fucking place, but I need a degree. And I won’t let Higgins take that away from me, never.”

“Third time’s the Charme.”

“Totally! I’m gonna make ’86 my bitch.” She chuckled.

“Are you now?”

“Yeah! It’s gonna be my year. No, you know what? It’s gonna be our year, Fraser. I’ll give you half of mine.” This had her crack a smile, a real one at that.

“I’ll take it. Sounds nice.”

“Right? It’s gonna be awesome. I’ll get my degree and whoosh. Bye bye Hawkins. And you?”

“Not sure. I’m still waiting for Dustin to graduate, I think. That will be a couple of years. But who knows, maybe I’ll leave first. At this point, even just another day seems far too long.” Eddie nodded, accepting her answer wordlessly. Neither of them said anything, both waiting for input that didn’t come. The usual question that would have been grumbled across from them, always tossed her way without fail.

That day, Silence was their only answer.

It was heavy silence, weighed down by things no one could voice. Uncomfortable, stifling, if only to the two people left.

“What about that guy?” Eddie’s voice was brittle when he asked, his attempt at nonchalance failing magnificently. Her eyes squeezed shut, the question hitting to close to the thing that lay unspoken between them. They weren’t looking at each other; eyes glued to the burnt spot on the old table.

She liked her lips, suddenly all parched, before retching up the answer.

“Desperately looking for love, but never turning towards me.”

Silence.

“Shit.” He leaned forwards, ruffling his hair as he talked around the cigarette. “Never thought I’d miss the guy.”

There was no need to mention a name. They both knew who he was talking about. Bessie’s eyes watered as they focussed on the seat across; the one seat that was still waiting for its owner. Waiting, as if it wasn’t aware just yet.

Twenty-five days.

It had only been twenty-five days since he’d last sat there, on the 29th of June, talking about his summer job and the place he was headed for in just a month. The place he was supposed to leave for in just four days. Four days. The date he’d wanted to pack up and run, the 28th of July was so close. It would be easy; just get into that Camaro of his and drive. Drive past the pool, the farms, the town limit and out of Indiana. He’d had a route mapped out, a possible job lined up and enough money to keep himself afloat for a good while. Nobody would ever know where he’d gone, nobody but the two of them.

Just twenty-five days ago, Billy Hargrove still had a whole life to live.

It had been right there, close enough to touch. He didn’t say, but he’d been excited. It was easy to tell, the boy shimmering more than usual. His entire atmosphere had changed, turning light and happy – sparkly, like someone who’d finally seen the end of a long, dark tunnel. He’d radiated happiness and ease that had been missing before, looking much younger than they’d ever seen him. Sure, he was still the Billy they got to know, still the same golden boy and his gruff attitude that had entered Hawkins just a short while ago, but he was different all the same. The reckless, unspoken anger seemed to ebb down with every passing day and on that day twenty-five days ago, they’d actually heard him laugh.

Not snort. Not huff. Laugh.

He’d actually laughed at one of Eddie’s stupid jokes, nearly shocking the two of them into complete silence. Billy Hargrove didn’t laugh. He joked, he snorted or grumbled or rolled his eyes. If it was a bad day, he might’ve sneered. All his ways of being playful, of joking along with them. But he didn’t ever laugh, not one of those honest to god laughs that made your shoulders shake and your tummy hurt.

On Saturday, the 29th of June, he had. He’d laughed and they all felt it. They felt Billys future in the way he’d giggled away, in the relaxed way he’d carried himself. On the 29th of June, he didn’t leave without a word for the first time. He said his goodbyes, grinning at them as he ambled away into the forest.

On the 30th, he didn’t show.

On Wednesday, the 10th of July, Elizabeth and Eddie found themselves staring at a cold grey headstone with his name on it.

The cemetery had mostly been empty, only a few people showing up to say their goodbyes to the Hargrove boy and even less of them actually caring. Most of them were there for those surviving, for Max or her mother. Either that or they were there for show. But no one had truly come for Billy, no one bothering enough to actually get to know the boy before his name had become a mere casualty.

No one, but the two of them.

Eddie had been standing there, almost hidden behind the rest of them, in an ill-fitting tuxedo jacket and his usual ripped jeans. There was nothing on his face, no emotion for anyone to read. Nothing, but a fine watery line in his eyes, visible to only those who cared to pay attention to the famed freak. It was a mirror of Bessie’s own face, schooled into a carefully constructed mask of nothing. Her arched brows and empty eyes almost seemed haughty, her title as one of Hawkins bitchiest proven right once again. It was what she wanted.

Tears, however, acted on their own. They couldn’t be controlled or shoved down when they truly didn’t want to. And they didn’t, they absolutely didn’t. No, they wanted to drip down her chin and into the dirt that had become her friends resting place, so they kept blurring her sight no matter how hard she bit her cheek.

Eddie Munson had known, of course, the moment he’d caught her eyes over the grave. Bessie was standing there, one arm looped around Dustin and the other around Max, and for the first time, they’d acknowledged each other outside of this place. Outside the bubble they’d all so carefully guarded, the boy had smiled and nodded at her with watery eyes, just once. And she’d smiled back, just once. An empty, meaningless smile. A smile that wasn’t a smile at all.

Then they’d both had left, left the grave of their shared friend who so desperately didn’t want to be buried here, in this god forsaken town. Bessie had taken Dustin home, only to shove the confused kid out of her car and drive off into the evening. It wasn’t something she would have done any other day, her gentle demeanour towards the boy usually contradicting everything people thought of her, but right then she needed to be alone, needed to peel of her skin and just breathe. She’d driven down to the Highschool without stopping, parked in the most improper way and kicked her ugly shoes off at the car park. On bare feet, she’d run across the path to the picnic table, breathing laboured, only to find it deserted and dark.

On the 10th of July, she’d broken down crying. There was nobody around to hear her, nobody around to care. She didn’t have to hide behind a mask of nothing anymore, she could just be sad and angry and devastated all on her own. She could mourn her friend, the guy who’d been so happy mere days ago, who’d been so alive before he died right there in front of her. She could mourn him surrounded by nothing but trees and memories.

“Yeah.” She sighed, leaning back against Eddie’s shoulder. “Me neither.”

Saturday, the 22nd of March 1986

Early spring-sunshine was gazing down upon the tiny town of Hawkins. It was nothing special, weather that left nothing to complain about for most people, so it passed by unbeknownst to anyone. Sure, there was the occasional flock of pollen wafting through the air, but that was pretty much about it.

There was nothing to complain about, nothing to praise, nothing to mention in aimless Smalltalk. It was a day that seriously deserved the word ‘pleasant’ as its title.

Well.

Regarding the weather, that is.

There was plenty to chat about apart from that, though. The amazing championship game, for example; a victory Hawkins hadn’t seen for a good long while, apparently. It was either that or the death of one Chrissy Cunningham, killed by none other than one Eddie Munson, that people were talking about.

People were yapping along spitefully, even those who’d never met Eddie throwing his name around as if they knew him. The bad egg. The weed dealer. A satanist and a certified town freak. Did you know his dad was no good, too? And his mother had been insane, poor thing. It was just a matter of when, with that one. Things like that always ran in the family. And wasn’t it such a shame that it had been poor Chrissy? That nice, naïve girl. She was probably lured into his trailer, or maybe he’d dragged her along. A terrible tragedy. Prayers to their poor parents, shame on the wretched Munson clan. heh

It all just made her want to laugh.

Eddie Munson. A killer.

Right.

Bess had seen the boy mourn a god damn bee, slapped around a little too hard by their blue-eyed friend. He’d made a coffin out of a match box and buried the insect close by, in the shade of a nice, lush tree because everyone deserved to be buried somewhere nice. He hadn’t cried, but both Billy and Bess had known that he wanted to.

That was the guy that had brutally murdered a girl.

Sure. What else is new.

How ridiculous people could be. They’d gobble up lies like starving goblins as long as it fit their own wretched narrative. The odd one out, the one too loud, too different, too outlandish for this ugly arse small town had to be guilty. He had to be, because he fit the bill well enough. he was

He fit the bill and he was on the run. If that wasn’t a confession, what was?

Words like these had followed her everywhere that day, the topic unavoidable and uttered in every nook and cranny. The spite and hate aimed at Eddie had made her blood boil. Her skin was crawling each time his name was thrown her way and she had wandered out into the forest before she could do something stupid, like beat some stupid Jock to a pulp.

Part of her had wanted to run out and find the boy immediately. Eddie was her friend, her very best friend. But no one knew that. Their friendship never left the forest, was hidden from anyone and everything, so could she really go and find him? Find him anywhere other than here? Should she?

Those things were plaguing her mind that day, the blonde girl torn between running around to convince people that Eddie was good and waiting for the boy to find her first.

Out here, far away from prying eyes, everything was silent and peaceful. But unlike usual, the place didn’t make her feel any better. No, in fact, it made her feel even worse. Her mind was unbearingly loud out there, silence and solitude only amping up the volume of her own desperate mind.

Eddie’s absence was painfully obvious, the words she’d prepared for him a dead weight in her throat. She’d wanted to tell him something, something that would have made him howl and clap in joy. She could see it clearly in her mind; hear his voice as he asked the question he’d one day adopted after its original owner had died.

‘What about that guy?’

‘He kissed me and told me he loved me. Out of the blue and just like that. Sweaty and out of breath from running out of the gym hall, he grabbed me and kissed me and... He loves me, Eddie.’

This time, nobody would have sighed. Eddie would have applauded, congratulating Harrington on finally gaining a brain before bumping her shoulder with one of his smug grins. Shit, the leaves would probably have rustled along, joining the happy atmosphere in their own unique way.

She scoffed at her own imagination.

Eddie wasn’t here. He was alone and probably terrified, hunted by an entire town that wanted to see him fall.

That day, as she sat out in the forest all on her own, Bess felt sick. Something was curling around in her, a dark premonition. Maybe it was her intuition trying to tell her something she failed to understand. She didn’t know why, but dread was curling around her heart. It was like a snake, winding itself around her tighter and tighter with every passing minute. She felt something like that before, the dread that told her something terrible was about to happen.

The 30th of July 1985.

The moment Billy hadn’t stepped into the forest, she’d known something was wrong. She’d known, but she’d accepted her limitations. Accepted the boundaries they’d set for each other, accepted that their friendship was only meant to stay here. She accepted it and he’d suffered all on his own.

Died all on his own.

“You know what? Fuck this stupid agreement.” She pushed herself up with more vigour than necessary, jumping off the bench to rush out into the forest and back into town, into her own personal nightmare. Her cigarettes were left behind, forgotten the minute she turned her back. She didn’t care, couldn’t care. There was but one thought in her mind - loud, angry, and desperate.

Not again.

She wouldn’t lose another friend while idly standing by because of some stupid rule that had never been uttered aloud. She wouldn’t. No, she would go out there and find Eddie. She’d crawl into the depth of hell if necessary. She would find Eddie Munson and drag him back here, even if it was the last thing she ever did.

He wouldn’t die, not as long as she was around. Not on her watch, never again.

Friday, the 28th of March 1986

Rain was softly dousing the streets of Hawkins, but hardly anyone noticed.

They couldn’t notice, the tiny town much too busy for the first time in forever. Nurses and doctors were rushing about, the understaffed hospital overwhelmed by the sheer number of patients coming in. Volunteers were crawling through the sterile halls; first responders, medical students that had come home for a visit as well as long retired folk squeezing themselves in to help lighten the load.

Those who couldn’t offer any medical knowledge were outside, scouring the streets to help gather those in need. Some, the braver ones, were climbing into the dilapidated homes of their neighbours, calling out names to check if anyone was buried under the rubble or stuck somewhere. Rescue teams were rushing to and fro, trying to be everywhere at once as the everything slowly but surely sank into chaos.

Everything but one place.

Somewhere, hidden behind rows and rows of trees, sat a lonely picnic table. To most, it meant nothing. Just a slab of weathered wood out in the lush green. But to a select few, the tiny clearing held special meaning.

It was a place to hide. A place to escape reality, a place to rest and a place to just be. It was a place surrounded by nothing but peace, where no armour was needed. Secrets would never leave, the trees never judging what they saw. Right there, no one could be wrong. No one was too loud or too quiet, too wise, too foolish, too gruff, or too soft. The forest didn’t care about status or popularity, about looks or interests. It didn’t care at all.

It would just let them breathe.

It would let them be, let them exist in a space hat felt timeless and sheltered in exchange for a part of them. The vulnerable, tiny part that couldn’t survive out in the world. In exchange for peace of mind, the trees would keep it to themselves; would shelter the tiny thing like a precious jewel. They would help them grow and outgrow themselves by keeping everything weak and vulnerable of save until they returned.

It was waiting now, while the rest of Hawkins drowned in chaos. It was waiting for the three people it had welcomed so often over the last few years, the people who’d come here battered and broken and bruised. The people that had found camaraderie and friendship right here. Who’d found peace beyond the rustling leaves.

It was waiting for people who were long gone.

It didn’t know yet. No one was there to break the news. Nobody would’ve known to go there. Even if they had, they’d be much too busy right now. Because just outside of the forest, people were crying. The loudest, most desperate sobs were rippling through a gaggle of kids and teens; kids who shouldered far too many responsibilities at their young age. The heroes of Hawkins.

Those heroes were mourning.

They were mourning the kind-hearted freak and the gentle bitch. They were mourning the young people that had sacrificed their lives for a lost cause, for a plan that was deemed to fail. Mourning the god damn sacrifice they’d made to save the world.

A world, that didn’t want to be saved, it seems.

They were left with nothing but tears and pain, with trying to keep each other together while falling apart themselves. Guilt and regret were making it heart to breathe, cutting off their oxygen more and more with each passing second. Enough to have them wish they were dead.

Her floppy haired boy did. He wanted to be dead every time his eyes fell upon the empty gaze of the curly-headed kid. The boy who’d never stopped talking back in that haughty tone of his had gone completely silent.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t. They’d paid the price, more than that, and yet everything was still broken. Their hearts were shattered to pieces and it was all for nothing.

The plight of all heroes.

A soggy pack of cigarettes, forgotten and ruined, on top of an old wooden picnic table. It was right there, the one thing she’d left for no one to find, nestled between the burned mark and messily carved letters.

It was all they’d left behind.

Every other trace was lost to the havoc wreaked upon the good-for-nothing town, everything other than memories destroyed by disaster. No one would ever know. They wouldn’t know where and how to find it, wouldn’t even know where to look. The hopes and dreams those three had would never be felt by anyone who cared. The heroes wouldn’t wander out into the forest to feel their presence in the serenity of the trees, they wouldn’t come to bask in whatever tiny things the ones lost had left behind.

Only the forest remembered what once had been. It would keep those moments; those conversations; those memories safe as it waited patiently.

Waited for something that would never happen.

#stranger things #billy hargrove #eddie munson #stranger things oc #billy hargrove x platonic!OC #eddie munson x platonic!oc #steve harrington x oc #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #eddie munson fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #dustin henderson #the party #canon tinkering

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French Pastry Obsession: The Great British Bake Off versus Le Meilleur Patissier

New Post has been published on https://sa7ab.info/2024/08/06/french-pastry-obsession-the-great-british-bake-off-versus-le-meilleur-patissier/

French Pastry Obsession: The Great British Bake Off versus Le Meilleur Patissier

Have you seen the The Great British Bake Off (GBBO)? Perhaps where you are it's called The Great British Baking Show, but it's the same! Maybe that is an odd way to start a blog post here at France Where You Are, where frankly everything is really about, well, France. Whether you're a Baking Show / Bake Off newbie or super fan or you've only seen the French Bake Off called Le Meilleur Patissier, there's something for you to enjoy today as I break down the similarities, differences, quirks and charm of both shows.

On the blog today is The Great British Bake Off versus the French Bake Off. Are you ready? Let's bake…

British Bake Off

Can you believe that The Great British Bake Off recently finished its 12th series? Its great friendly format in the big white tent for bakers to show what they love to do. It started out on the BBC with Mary Berry, Paul Hollywood and Mel & Sue and while it has changed a number of its people since, it hasn't changed in its essence or format. It went through some controversy in the UK as it moved from the national broadcaster BBC to commercial Channel 4 and only Paul Hollywood remaining as judge. At the time this seemed like the end of the GBBO but, you know, having taken some time off from watching, I have come back to Bake Off with the same enthusiasm and delight as I had the first time around. (I still miss Mel & Sue though.. do you?) For Mary Berry fans (and who isn't a fan?) she has since gone on to make many cookery series for the BBC.

Bake Off is the friendly, fun show you can enjoy no matter where you are. Back in the days before busy family life, it was a weekly dose of relaxation after work for me. I loved watching 12 bakers in the tent progress through the challenges of each themed week. Now it can be a streamed binge of baked goodness! From Cake Week to Pastry Week, there was always something to delight in or surprise including many cakes I'd never heard of or could pronounce (I'm looking at you Princesstårta. ) There have been experimental themes like Tudor Week, Victorian Week and even Eighties Week (not a gastronomic journey I thought was worth it) in the British Show, but the themes have largely remained the same.

Working out that I've been watching it for over a decade is a bit strange! In Canada, I managed to get some DVDs of the early series right back to 2010 and it was a little like going back in time and seeing old friends. I could remember the faces of contestants and controversies with custard and thrown away cakes. All that drama is kind of rare. GBBO is a pretty friendly show as reality television goes. There's a warmth and camaraderie between the contestants and lots of love, humour and good will from the presenters too. The judging usually seems clear, fair and professional and the show reflects that. Watching the Great Canadian Baking Show was also a little familiar but with a whole new raft of baking classics to learn about (but that would be a post for another day!) If you're in Canada, the GBBO show is also available on CBC Gem to stream online and includes a Great British Baking Show Masterclass series also.

So is the French show just the same? Where else is there a Bake Off show? Let's find out…

Bake-Off Worldwide

Over 20 countries have their own version of the Great British Bake Off show. There's the Great Canadian Baking Show (available on Netflix) and the Great American Baking Show (French cliché warning in the episode preview linked!) as well as those in Australia, Turkey and Kenya. They seem to vary enormously in terms of format and production values, so by no means the same at all!

You might even know the show as its international version – The Great British Baking Show.(Is it totally geeky that when I discovered this I looked out for the trophy at the end to see how they'd managed to CGI the different name in? Yes, geek or super fan, you decide. ☺️)

(It's an award-winning TV show as seen from the cast collecting an award in the image above)

So all this baking show goodness and international acclaim naturally led to a huge array of different countries creating a similar show.

While lots of the shows listed above vary quite a bit, one of the versions that is very similar is the French version called Le Meilleur Pâtissier (LMP) and it has really got the same cosy marquee (a.k.a. baking tent) feel. I love it. LMP as we'll call it is a fabulously French Bake-Off.

As the avid Francophile that I am, I was so delighted to discover the French Bake-Off (usually on YouTube, see for example this episode) that I've been devouring any series I can watch online. I was relieved to find that the French version, now having celebrated its tenth series in 2021, is very similar in its warmth, humour and production.

Can you re-create the cosy camaraderie of the Bake-Off tent? The Canadian, French, and British shows seem to the the most similar…and yet there are big differences! Let's find out more…

First, let's remind ourselves of the Bake-off format…

The Great British Bake-off – what's the show like?

Amateur bakers who have gone through a fairly gruelling selection process including baking tastings, interviews and screen tests compete individually to become the overall winner and Britain's best baker. As the production company for GBBO says:

'The Great British Bake Off is the ultimate baking battle where passionate amateur baking fans compete to be crowned the UK’s Best Amateur Baker. Over the course of 10 hour-long episodes, the series follows the trials and tribulations of the competitors, young and old, from every background and every corner of Britain, as they attempt to prove their baking prowess. Each week the bakers tackle a different baking skill, which become progressively more difficult as the competition unfolds.'

Episode Format

In each episode there are three challenges. The show is usually one hour long and features a baking credits / title sequence which is unchanged over the years and ends with a delicious looking chocolate cake with fresh raspberries on it. The music is also show-specific and is often classical in feel.

Each episode starts with a challenge the bakers can rehearse at home (or, during the pandemic, in the practice tent while living in a Covid-19 bubble), the Signature Challenge.

This is an opportunity to show their baking personality and homemade classics they enjoy. From doughnuts to madeleines to pastry tartlets, the Signature Challenge introduces the theme of the week.

Previous Signature challenges have included: sandwich cakes, layered trifle, traybake, tea loaf and suet puddings.

This is followed by the Technical Challenge which is unknown until the beginning like a pastry exam where you turn over the recipe and hope for the best! It's also judged blindly so all the creations are placed on the 'gingham altar' or long table behind the contestant's name and picture which the judges cannot see.

Previous Technical Challenges have included: Crème Caramel, Treacle Tart, Fraisier cake, Hand-raised Pie and even Kouign Amann (the famous Breton butter cake.)

After that ordeal, the bakers get to come back into the tent (usually the following day) for something they will hopefully have practiced – the Showstopper Challenge. Here the bakers usually have a little more free rein within the theme and they can create something magnificent and impressive. Here the bakers can showcase their talent and skill within the constraints of the challenge.

Previous Showstopper Challenges have included: making a biscuit tower, filled bread loaf and a choux pastry gâteau showpiece. In the final, the Showstopper Challenge is usually even more challenging such as making 49 different, individual baked good in five hours.

The Final follows the same format and usually ends with a huge Showstopper Challenge after which the winner is named in a ceremony held with friends and family in a large British garden party (not quite the same, of course, during the pandemic).

Locations

The show has been in several locations but is associated with being in a stately home's parkland grounds and is very picturesque including shots of the wildlife and weather onsite interspersed with the drama unfolding in the tent.

Recipes

If you'd like to explore ALL the recipes on the Great British Bake Off, then you can filter results by style and type of challenge on the GBBO website. If you want to try out the recipes at home, you can even buy a Bake Off Box for make what the contestants did. Check out the baking equipment, recipe boxes and more at Bake Off Box (UK only.) For more Bake Off inspiration, why not have a look at Marilyn's blog where she has challenged herself to make everything from the GBBO? I am impressed by how many different items she's made, and of course being France Where You Are – I really want to make her fabulons gingerbread Eiffel tower! Check out her fabulons bakes here. Have you had a go at making any of the challenges?

Illustrations on the show

For each challenge, each contestant's ideas are beautifully illustrated on screen so we can get an idea of what their delectable creation will look like. The wonderful illustrator Tom Hovey has been doing the designs for the show since 2010 and you can watch a video on the show illustrations here and more about Tom at his website.

What's different about the French Bake-off?

With the same title sequence, a lot of the same music and similar illustrations of the bakes (was that even a noun before the Bake Off?) the French Bake Off, Le Meilleur Patissier (LMP for short) goes all out for the attractive countryside location and baking tent. Plenty of similarities so far! But there are some significant differences, let's explore…

The arrival in the tent by the bakers together is a little different as they are often seen looking at the ingredients on the benches and trying to guess what they'll be making in Mercotte's challenge whereas the bakers are usually already in place at their workbench with everything hidden under gingham fabric in the GBBO. LMP also seems to go in for far more themed decoration in the tent, from hearts to Belgian flags they go all out for the week's theme (whereas the Bake Off sticks to the same tent backdrop regardless.) Contestants still get to talk directly to camera in the outdoors interviews, which are usually fun and have a break out area outdoors where they can relax at break times.

Episode Length

If a two-hour lunch break in France has caught you out going to the shops at the wrong time, or the multi-course family meals have you indulging in hours of great food, wine and conversation then it will come as no surprise that LMP runs a much longer episode length programme. None of your Anglo-Saxon "get it done now" mentality. No, this is patisserie. It takes time to make, talk about, judge and talk about some more! Personally I love that Le Meilleur Patissier is a whole two hours of baking.

Length of show – British 1 hour. French 2 hours

Title sequence

If you followed the link above to the GBBO title sequence, you'll notice that there isn't very much different about the French one…just a few minor tweaks to the recipes… ☺️ You can watch the titles to LMP here.

Episode Format & Themes

Number of challenges – three in both the Great British Bakeoff (GBBO) and in Le Meilleur Patissier (LMP)

The classic Bake-Off format is to have a themed week of baking, for example cake week, pastry week, bread week, and so on. Things have gone a little off piste now and again with GBBO doing Tudor Week, Victorian Week but not necessarily in every series. So plenty of historic references and themes, but not nearly as much variety as the French format.

After all, I'm not sure the British public could stand a kind of Fifty Shades of Cream episode but, in France, no problem! To challenge your resistance to what could be called 'over-sharing' (or just plain cringeworthy) LMP has a Fifty Shades of Cream kind of week full of hearts, "seductive" bakes and much mirth at the puns, comments and bakers airing their fantasies (or am I being too Anglo-Saxon here?) Seriously, no Bake-Off contestant or viewer needs to know this stuff, right?

Themes in LMP have included Belgian Week, Canada Week, North versus South Week where contestants worked in teams and a Time Travel Week where contestants were given a recipe from a previous series of the show. I have to say that LMP is very innovative with its themes and challenges, changing things around much more than the GBBO used to. Perhaps in the new series in 2022 we will see more changes to the themes.

Like in GBBO the competition starts with the challenge everyone gets to practice beforehand.

LMP Challenges

1. Cyril's challenge which involves reinventing a classic, a dish or even a bouquet of roses into cake or pastry form.

2. Mercotte's Technical Challenge (where she often omits key parts of the recipe including how much gelatine to add or how long to cook something for), is renowned as difficult. Like GBBO its judged blindly.

3. The Creative challenge is very similar to the British Bake Off and contestants have a lot of free rein to invent a recipe on a specific theme. This is where the guest VIP judges come in and visit each contestant to talk about their ideas, sometimes neutrally but usually with an opinion on a texture or flavour combination. This part of the competition is often when starstruck bakers find it hard to concentrate when they're cooking for an esteemed extra judge. So much pressure!

Winners

Contestants win Star Baker (Britain) or the Blue Apron (France) each week and one contestant is sent home. The Final features three bakers in the tent going through three challenges including the Creative or Showstopper Challenge of immense proportions!

If you've got a burning question on LMP then you might like this article (in French only) from a few years ago which reveals the production secrets and how the show was before the pandemic.

Hosts / Presenters

While the GBBO has been hosted by two comedians from the beginning, LMP is hosted by one woman, usually a journalist/actor/presenter. At first it was Faustine Bollaert (2012-2017), then Julia Vignani (2017-2020) and now Marie Portolano. The voiceover is provided by voice artist, actor and dubbing professional Nathalie Homs. The GBBO presenters do the voiceover themselves.

Here's a handy comparaison I created:

The GBBO Judges and the LMP Judges

In the British Bake-off the judges remained the same for several years – Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry. After the channel change, the new (and current) judges are Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith (chef, caterer, cookery school teacher and all-round foodie aficionado.) The judges in LMP have not changed but they do have VIP guests. Let's find out more about the judges and guest judges on both shows.

Paul Hollywood

Paul Hollywood is a celebrity chef in Britain, known mostly for his long experience baking bread (from his father's bakery to professional settings including prestigious hotels). You can follow recipes and baking news/tips with Paul Hollywood on Instagram here.

As a judge on GBBO he's known for being inscrutable, a bread maker with a keen eye for errors and for giving out handshakes when he feels a contestant has done something remarkable. A 'Hollywood handshake' has become a part of the show, which some people like and other viewers find a little annoying. I'm not sure it really adds anything as I think you can express your admiration in words, but watch and decide for yourself. Bread Week is the week where every baker trembles to impress this experienced professional baker.

Dame Prue Leith

She is probably chiefly know for her long experience in a varied career across teaching, journalism, writing and all things culinary. In 1969, she opened Leiths, her famous Michelin-starred restaurant in Notting Hill which she ran for 25 years. In 1975 she founded Leiths School of Food and Wine which trains professional chefs and amateur cooks. She writes fro many publications and is involved in a variety of food-related charities and non-profit organisations. She has been a regular judge on other culinary programmes on British television. Her Instagram account is here.

Known for being exacting and fair, I'd say Prue is an encouraging judge towards the contestants and a bright presence in the tent! She sets tricky challenges of different styles.

In LMP, chef patissier Cyril Lignac and home baking blogger Mercotte are the judges and they are joined for the final challenge of each episode by an esteemed guest judge. With so many patisserie chefs in France, it seems they have many experts to call on!

Guest judges have included Nina Métayer (pictured below) François Perret, Pierre Hermé and the two Michelin star chef Stéphanie Le Quellec among many others. Wow!

Cyril Lignac

When Paul Hollywood will ask questions about what the contestants are making and how they are making it, he gives nothing away in return. Cyril Lignac (and Mercotte to a lesser degree) however seems not to shy away from giving a little help or advice on flavour balance or technique. He even lends a hand with advice or demonstrating if a contestant is really struggling.

Known for being interested, friendly, professional and wanting the contestants to give their all. He sets tough challenges on classic patisserie and has even taken part in the competition to see which amateur baker could beat him in a challenge!

Mercotte

Mercotte, who has a website full of recipes and previous challenges on the show, is, it seems, a national treasure. She's like Mary Berry and Prue Leith rolled into one. Setting the dreaded Technical Challenge, she is pretty ingenious at setting devilishly difficult baking challenges. The challenges have even developed innovative or difficult ways of presenting the recipe. She often omits a crucial detail or element to test the bakers. No simple typed up sheet here, oh no! Sometimes contestants have had to fill in the blanks for the ingredient quantities (under time pressure too, remember – I honestly don't know they did it!), reveal the recipe with a candle or read the recipe going round in a circle like a vinyl record. Her challenges are seriously tough on contestants! Known for saying 'Read the recipe well!', Mercotte often publishes tips and comments on how to recreate the Technical Challenge at home on her website.

Which is better British or French Bake Off?

Well, I have thoroughly enjoyed both! Does one stand out for you?

I love how familiar LMP is in overall format, but I relish the differences very much too. While I may have been watching the GBBO for over ten years, I think my love for France and learning more about French pâtisserie and gastronomy in that time has made me a viewer who can see the traditions of British baking and those of France in parallel. Bake Off is just wonderful every time. Don't the loveliest people seem to apply? Every contestant is so lovable and every year the bakers seem to get more and more talented (or maybe by now we all think we're armchair experts at home!)

I love seeing the ideas the bakers come up with and want them to do well. There is a lot of classic British baking with an increasing flair for international flavours. The part I find difficult if I switch from LMP to GBBO is the treatment of proper classic patisserie on the British show. It's not the baking, the contestants or the show, but I really adore the French classics so much I kind of miss them. Perhaps I just wish I could be baking the delicious patisserie at home. In the older episodes, the British show has some quirks in the use of French names, and don't even get me started on the macaroons versus macarons debate. I would just love a show dedicated to making French classics!

Overall, there just aren't enough challenging entremets for my liking any more! That's when I knew I'd been watching the French show for a while as every baker on there seems to know how to make delicate entremets (if you're looking puzzled at this point: entremets are those delicious layered cakes enrobed in mousse, cream and often shiny glazes and served cold.) Sounds quite achievable, right? until you see the flavour profiles, equipment and time it takes to make them! That's a huge difference between the British and French shows actually – there are silicone moulds galore on LMP. I guess, at heart, I just want to be a pastry chef and I didn't know it. So I am obviously biased!

I can understand how this article suggests that the French Bake Off, Le Meilleur Patissier, is better than the Great British Bake Off as I too love the longer format, the focus on cakes and patisserie, the exquisite entremets and the unbelievably hard challenges!

For language learners, LMP wins for French vocabulary learning! If you're learning English, perhaps its the same watching GBBO. So if you're familiar with Bake Off you to might love watching LMP to practice your French comprehension. You might learn some excellent terms of frustration as well as technical vocabulary too.

But I know I can't bake bread yet like the GBBO contestants and I have certainly not made any amazing entremets either like the LMP show. I suspect I have a lot of practicing to do! Everything is easier at home under little or no time pressure, right? Both shows are incredibly inspiring and full of memorable and likeable people. I wish I could bake like them and I love seeing the different approches to challenges, flavours and the inventive nature of the competition. So, you see, I can't choose between them.

How about you – do you prefer the British or French Bake Off?

Inspired to Bake more?

Whether you'd like to apply or not, you might be wondering if you can bake like the contestants! Applications for the GBBO closed at the end of 2021 and you can find out more here. For LMP, I have not yet found a link for applications so if you know of one, please do contact me. For Canada, you can apply here. It is not clear if the show has been renewed or cancelled in the US. For any of the shows, there are residency and other requirements, so be sure to check the small print before you apply.

Looking for baking books? If you'd rather just try out your patisserie and baking at home, you can access so many of the recipes and extra tips from the GBBO site and the LMP recipe site. Even though GBBO winners don't get an official book deal, the respect for winning the show (or being in the final) has meant that many talented bakers have launched their own books such as Ruby, Nadiya and James. The show in its BBC and C4 days has released some very good books including these nifty small format books by the incomparable Linda Collister who gives clear instructions and good tips.

Every LMP winner has a book of their recipes (such as Elodie, Ludovic or Camille) and there are collection books too from the show as well as plenty to enjoy in Cyril Lignac's books too such as La Patisserie. For specific recipes featured on the show you can access from CuisineAZ.

If you want to explore more cookery books and French gastronomy, check out my blog post on the 10 Best French Cookbooks. I will be trying out new pastry / patisserie books this year and those will feature on a baking-specific blog post later in the year.

Which recipe has become your favourite? What's your greatest challenge in pastry?

Inspired by researching this blog post (that's what I'm calling watching LMP and GBBO on repeat ☺️) I made my first brioche for Christmas alongside my first ever Bûche de Noël with a French buttercream and a simple rough puff pastry that you can make in under an hour. It's ideal for simple savoury recipes you might make for apéro or maybe a Pithiviers. Here's the helpful video I found on the process including the recipe:

For more adventures in pastry my go-to book is Pastry by Richard Bertinet. It's a very helpful format, with excellent photographs (including step-by-step for the basic pastries) and a helpful tone. I love it! My devious French buttercream was found in Molly J Wilkinson's French Pastry Made Simple. She inspired me to try choux pastry after many years and I made a Paris Brest for the first time with delicious raspberries. Her online courses are so full of humour and positive thinking – you can do it!

I think my greatest achievement was the brioche as bread-like yeasted sweet dough has not featured much in my baking repertoire. I have spent my life baking British classics, like a lot of the bakers on GBBO with the odd French classic here and there. Now I am venturing into more and more pastry, chocolate and cake practice. What I really want to do is perfect one of those gorgeous LMP entremets with a fabulous Silikomart mould. I hope it will be fun trying…

In fact I have three fabulous books which are going to continue to inspire me this year:

I used Felder's book and this fantastic post on brioche to help me make my loaf and a dozen brioche Suisse. Miam ! Yummy! I used the post's recommended overnight stay in the fridge and a further prove the next day and everything worked out nicely. The brioche Suisse, or just, 'Suisse' are one of my favourite pastry purchases when in France. Have you tried it? It's either puff pastry or brioche, in a rectangle shape with a creme pâtissière (custard) and chocolate chips filling. I used delicious Cacao Barry chocolate for mine, but I have my eye on some Valrhona for next time.

Now there's plenty of time before the two shows return to their respective channels, what are you doing to explore British baking or French patisserie and bread? Buying or baking? ☺️

I think I might go off and study that gingerbread Eiffel tower template now courtesy of Here's the Dish and plan my next baking projects.

Thanks for reaching the end of this exploration of the British and French Bake Off shows. Which do you prefer? Do you have a version in your home country?

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