#v: off screen love affair

[t-nd-rfoot]

BABY ON BOARD aka The Youngest Dagger

Hangman wasn’t exactly wrong when he said ‘Bob’ meant ‘Baby on Board’.

Warnings mentions of alcohol, but nothing excessive; insecurity of feeling left out. this has a happy ending, i promise

Word Count 2.6k

Note inspired by my research on the TG:M cast’s ages so I wanted to use this as my own twist on the whole ‘baby on board’ prompt for Bob! (though Tarzan is actually the youngest being born in September but for the sake of this story, my HC is that Bob is the youngest). I pretty much just trusted the process with this one. A writing exercise, if you will. Edited myself so apologies for any typos/errors! Also, it’s my v first fic, please be kind

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There’s no denying that much about Bob at a first glance was ‘baby’—his big blue eyes that gave off the innocence and curiosity of a newborn, his wallflower personality like one of a child’s on their first day of school, and his enthusiasm for aviation could rival a toddler’s on a sugar high.

Of course, the more people got to know Bob, they’d realize he’s anything but. But no matter how old he was, that didn’t change the fact that he was the youngest of the dagger squad, and they never let him live down that fact since the day they found out.

.

Being the private person he is, Bob celebrated his birthday as if it was any other day. Had he been anywhere else, he would have maybe had a nice, simple dinner with his big extended family back at home, or made plans with a special someone if he had any.

But since he had to prepare for another mission in Miramar on that particular birthday, personal affairs naturally took a backseat pun intended as he focused on the professional matters at hand, making sure the aviators around him remained unaware of the day’s importance. He was almost in the clear when he and the squad were leaving the hangar at the end of the day, and he chose then to busy himself replying to all the birthday messages from his friends and family.

“Well, someone’s Mr. Popular today,” mused Phoenix at her backseater.

“Huh-what?” Bob startled as he looked up from his phone.

“Dude, you’ve been glued to your phone since after your last run,” Fanboy chimed in.

“Yeah, everything okay, bud?” Payback asked.

Careful not to give anything away, Bob subtly fell a few steps behind to keep his phone out of view from prying eyes. “Yeah, all good,” he replied with a small smile and went back to texting.

Never missing an opportunity to make fun of their teammate, Coyote and Hangman huddled Bob on either side to take a peak at his phone screen as Bob comedically tried to dodge their attempts.

“Aww, keeping secrets from us now, Floyd? Hey, one round from everyone else on who can figure out what Floyd’s hiding,” Coyote joked, “I say, spicy texts?”

Hangman scoffed, his famous shit-eating grin plastered on his face, “please, I bet the spiciest thing in little Bobby’s phone is an email subscription for special-made BCGs.”

Bob rolled his eyes as he finally escaped the grasp of the two pilots and opened another birthday email, this time, a flashy e-birthday card GIF from his great-aunt Lacy and uncle Taylor. He laughed to himself, humored more at the idea of his less-than-tech-savvy relatives discovering GIFs than at the actual GIF on his screen.

“No fuckin’ way,” a voice came from behind him, susprising him so much, he nearly dropped his phone. “It’s your birthday?!” Rooster exclaimed as he peered at the phone from over Bob’s shoulder.

At this point in their friendship, each of them had already had a birthday, so shock and disbelief hung on their faces as they stopped in their tracks and turned to face him. They couldn’t believe he nearly let one year as a group go by without even telling them when his birthday was.

“What the fuck?!”

“Dude…”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Bob nervously stared at them as they stared back at him. “It’s just—the mission’s coming up and with the drills today, and I’m not really one for celebrating my birthday, anyway—” He struggled to find an excuse when Coyote and Hangman appeared beside him again.

“Look, Bob,” Hangman led, “I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re all used to your whole not-sharing-anything schtick, and we’re cool with it.” But as the cocky pilot placed an arm around Bob’s shoulders, Bob braced himself for whatever bullshit Hangman was going to say next. “But to deprive us of our only opportunity to finally get you wasted?” he continued, that obnoxious grin returning to his face once more.

Bob’s blushing complexion immediately paled at the squad mimicking Hangman’s wide smirk as they all looked at each other wickedly.

“Ohhh no, no no no no n—” Bob’s blue eyes popped, attempting to get out of the group’s grasp while they pushed him in the direction of The Hard Deck, his protests drowned out by the group’s whoops and hollers all the way to the bar.

The Hard Deck was packed when the squad arrived. Maverick was at his usual seat at the bar, flirting with Penny like young lovers while she served drink after drink to customers.

“Penny, my dear!” Hangman practically shouted from the entrance. Payback and Fanboy pushed Bob to the front once they reached the bar.

“Guys, seriously, it’s not a big deal,” Bob protested still.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Maverick greeted his old students.

“We got a birthday boy on our hands here, Mav,” Rooster mused, his hands resting on the shoulders of an embarrassed and defeated Bob.

“Oh yeah, that’s right! Happy birthday, Bob,” Maverick greeted and patted Bob on the back, to which the young aviator replied a shy thank you.

“You knew?” Payback asked.

“Of course, it was in his file,” Mav said like he was stating the obvious.

Hangman turned his attention to the bar owner. “A round of shots for the squad if you will, Penny? One for every year this son of a bitch has been alive.”

Penny smiled at Bob and, setting shot glasses on the counter, “and how many would that be?”

“Just to make sure, you are legal, right, Bob?” Maverick teased.

Bob and the rest of the squad laughed. “No, yeah, yeah, very much legal, Mav.” Bob settled into the bar stool and started to relax a little more.

“So c’mon, man, how old are you?” Fanboy asked.

“29,” Bob replied. There wasn’t much use hiding that he was the only one still in his 20s, now that they all knew what today was.

A mixture of disappointed and endeared reactions came from the group—as the oldest of the squad, Payback and Rooster let out a few groans, while Hangman and Coyote let out low whistles. Phoenix and Fanboy gave noogies to and pinch the cheeks of their little brother. Penny and Maverick laughed at the group’s reactions knowing that the rest of the group weren’t that much older anyway.

“I know I’m older than most of y’all, but why did hearing him say a 20-something age make me feel even older?” Rooster wondered, pondering his mid-30s age.

“How do you think I feel?” piped in Payback, dwelling on the fact he had just entered his early 40s.

Maverick and Penny laughed. “Welcome to the club,” she said, making the two pilots groan even more.

Penny finished filling up the shot glasses in front of them. “Alright, gang, 29 shots ready to go and on the house! Consider it a gift, Bob,” she joked.

“Thank you, Penny!” Coyote joked back in a high-pitched voice, swiping a shot glass for himself.

Bob silently gulped at the sight. “This isn’t all for just me, is it?” He dreaded the thought of having to drink all of those in one night.

“Of course not, you really think we’re gonna pass up a free round from Penny?” Hangman said as he got one and started passing them to the other members. Penny loved to remind them that being Mav’s special students didn’t get them free drinks.

Soon, everyone had a shot in their hand, ready to toast the celebrant. Though the non-drinker he is, Bob toyed with one of the remaining glasses on the table, reluctant to drink but also not wanting to spoil everyone else’s fun.

“Only if you want to,” Phoenix assured her backseater.

Bob looked around at his friends all around him. He still couldn’t believe that they were there to celebrate him, the quiet small-town-kid with a natural talent for being invisible. Even after the uranium plant mission, Bob always questioned if he really belonged to their little team. But now, here they were, making him the star of the night when they could have easily said their greetings and went their separate ways for the day. He looked down at the shot glass, welcoming it as a sign of proof for himself that he finally found his place among them, proud to be included in—and even the center of—the squad’s newest core memory.

“One shot,” Bob decided, albeit a little nervous, and reached for the drink, “just this once.”

“Baby steps,” she smiled back. The guys cheered, excited for Bob to take his first drink with them.

Maverick stood, one hand on the young pilot’s shoulder, the other raising his shot glass in the air. “To Bob! May he have a great rest of the night, an even greater year ahead. Enjoy the last of your 20s, Bob!”

“To Bob!” everyone cheered and downed their shots. Bob even managed to drink his shot without coughing, though a little disgusted at the slight burn in his throat.

Cheers and pats on the back came from all around as the group greeted the wizzo once more as they decided to take the party to the dart boards and pool tables. Bob stayed behind at the bar for a bit, taking in the events of the night and holding his now-empty shot glass with a little more certainty than earlier. But he was quickly brought back to reality as a glass of water and a small cup of nuts were placed in front of him on the bar.

“Happy birthday, Bob,” Penny greeted before serving the other patrons.

Bob thanked Penny with a grateful smile, and replied to a few more greetings on his phone before joining the others in their games.

The squad spent the following days showering Bob with their late birthday gifts.

First—surprisingly—was Hangman, who stuck a ‘baby on board’ sticker with a badly drawn party hat and glasses on the baby, to the side of Bob and Phoenix’s plane. Still high on the birthday fun from the night before, Bob was amused at the phrase-turned-inside-joke, though, he did tear off the sticker before Cyclone could see it. Little did he know that Hangman actually slapped another sticker to the back of his helmet when the pilot pretended to congratulate him and Phoenix for completing the drill. It actually took awhile for him to notice, but even after discovering it, he didn’t tear it off.

As TOPGUN’s resident sweet tooth and kid at heart, Coyote was actually a bit bothered once he realized that Bob didn’t have a birthday cake, since it is a universal sweet tooth rule, after all, that the best part about birthday parties is cake. There was a bakery just at the edge of the city that made—what Coyote considered as—the best cupcakes in California, a statement he stuck by after his third visit in a row since finding the place. On his latest visit, he asked for another box of assorted flavors and a candle and brought them to The Hard Deck the next day after training. Bob was excited, to say the least, after he discovered the chocolate peanut butter cup cupcake, and shared the rest of the treats with everyone else.

Payback was nearly stuck on ideas when he got inspiration for his gift from a literal baby. He was on a video call with his sister and spotted his goddaughter entertaining herself with her wooden blocks. As soon as they hung up, he searched online for the best Lego fighter jet set he could find, and found a store nearby that had some in stock. Building Legos was an absolute favorite pastime of his that he was a firm believer that no person was ever too old to build Legos. “Lego knows no age!” he told the judgmental store clerk when he bought it. Bob actually had a mini freakout over it and insisted that he help him build it. Every now and then when they had a few days off, they’d look for another Lego set to build together, dividing up the collection they had built.

Fanboy—being Fanboy—got a custom Funko Pop bobble head pun definitely intended of Bob, which actually managed to make him look even more like a child with those big eyes on it. The two wizzos shared an interest in comic books and various sci-fi media, so he threw in a few comic books from his personal collection to lend. He and Bob would trade whenever new issues would come out, though Fanboy did have to try to stop giving away spoilers since Bob would actually throw mini tantrums every time he accidentally slipped one in their conversations. Bob proudly displayed the bobble head on his nightstand and read the comics every night before sleeping.

Being an only child, Rooster spent his childhood wishing he had a sibling to play sports with, only to gain many of them three decades later in the form of the Dagger Squad. He figured from dogfight football that Bob was a lot more athletic than he let on, so he got him his own baseball glove and bat so that they could play catch together during breaks or days off. Bob developed quite the arm on him from their practices that he was always Rooster’s first pick whenever the Navy officers decided to play baseball at the local park. Other times, they’d also watch Padres games either together or with the other members, usually fighting each other to catch a fly ball if it was hit in their section.

Last, but definitely not least, was Phoenix. If she had it her way, she would have given her gift the day after Bob’s birthday, but she took quite some time preparing it. As Bob’s most trusted friend in the squad, she wanted to give something a little more sentimental. So she compiled and printed as many pictures of him with her and with the rest of the squad as she could and placed them in a ‘baby’s first album’ book (she was going to place it in a regular album but once she saw that the blue hardbound was on sale, she just couldn’t pass up the opportunity). Bob actually teared up looking through it that he didn’t even mind the little blue teddy bears printed on every other page. He also emailed pictures of the album to share with his parents.

There’s no denying that much about Bob at a first glance was ‘baby’, a characteristic he was reminded of daily—by the baseball equipment by his closet, or by the bobble head and comic books beside his bed; by the nearly-finished f-18 Lego set on his desk, and by the bright yellow sticker on his helmet sitting by the front door; by the leftover cupcakes in the fridge, and by the photo album on his coffee table. To an outsider, these were mere objects—possessions that gave glimpses of the person who owned them. But to Bob, these objects were so much more; they were testaments that showed that his teammates really thought more of him beyond their teasing and jesting.

No matter how old he was, it didn’t change the fact that he was the youngest of the Dagger Squad. Yes, people still realized he was anything but a baby when they got to know him. And yes, he still most definitely rolled his eyes every time he was called ‘baby on board’ out loud. But in true ‘youngest sibling’ fashion, every time he looked around at his chosen brothers and sister, he realized he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Disclaimer I do not own Top Gun: Maverick or any of its characters. Please do not copy my work or translate without my permission.

[astrognossienne]

scandalous star: spencer tracy - an analysis

“I’m tired of pretending that everything’s fine just so I can please everyone else.” - Spencer Tracy

This is an understatement. The total opposite of his shadow sign, Libra, two-time Oscar-winning Aries actor Spencer Tracy definitely wore his heart, his temper, and his feelings on his sleeve. As such, Tracy is perhaps one of the most brilliant and natural actors of all time. Admiration and acclaim surrounded Tracy during his long acting career; his image on-screen was that of a self-reliant man whose sense of rectitude toward others was matched by his sense of humour toward himself. His eight Academy Award nominations were the most ever accorded one performer. He appeared in 74 films from 1930 to 1967. He was also a trainwreck of a human being: he was not a likable man; Ernest Hemingway, for one, disliked him because he was “a man who could not hold his liquor” and thought miscast in “The Old Man and the Sea” — though he finally changed his mind about that film. Tracy, a true Aries, was a volatile, forceful, and insecure man. Despite his great success, Tracy was moody and a worrier off the screen, often whining and complaining about his life. He was a very complex and very private man, that was deeply haunted, but he also was surprisingly a kind and gentle soul that was very sensitive. I pitied the man, wondering why he would continue to hurt those closest to him. His will was as strong as an ox at times, and yet as fragile as an egg waiting to crack under the pressure at any given moment. He was a nasty drunk who rarely was able to sleep more than five or six hours a night. However, it is the 26-year love affair and nine-film collaboration of Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn that is probably the one thing most people remember about the man whom theater legend George M. Cohan called in 1926, at the outset of Tracy’s career, “the best goddamned actor I’ve ever seen.” The tribute was echoed by directors, colleagues and audiences for the next 41 years.

A true earth and water dominant, like his famous partner Hepburn, he was a prickly and deeply private character that often kept to himself, shunning publicity and never a personal press agent. He read voraciously and took drives. Tracy was long estranged from his wife, Louise Treadwell, whom he married in 1923 after they met in a stock company. Tracy had affairs with other actresses including the equally unlikable Ingrid Bergman, as well as Joan Crawford, Gene Tierney, and a semi-serious affair with Loretta Young, among many others, but he also had an advanced Irish-Catholic sense of guilt. And one source of that guilt was the congenital deafness of his son, John. Louise devoted her life (and much of Tracy’s money) to the clinic that she founded to deal with childhood deafness. Tracy, however, had an emotionally distant relationship with John, and he blamed himself in some way for his son’s deafness. One wonders if Tracy's alcoholism, his depression, his violent mood swings, and his inability to sustain meaningful interpersonal relationships weren't caused by something other than his son's hearing loss. He certainly was not the first father to grapple with such a setback, yet other parents have dealt with far worse disabilities and challenges with much more grace, maturity, and courage. At any rate, to the very end, Tracy held onto the beliefs he was brought up with, although his actions were rarely in keeping with the beliefs.

Spencer Bonaventure Tracy, according to astrotheme, was an Aries sun and Gemini moon. He was born in 1900 in Milwaukee, the son of father John Tracy, a truck company sales manager of Irish descent and mother Carrie Brown, who came from a wealthy Presbyterian family and traced her American ancestry to colonial days. Tracy also had a brother named Carroll, who was four years older. His boyhood was marked by truancy and fighting. He was difficult and overactive, with sporadic school attendance. And twice he ran away from home. As a teenager, Tracy attended various Jesuit academies and his grades improved. He later attended Marquette Academy, where he met future actor Pat O’Brien. In World War I, he enlisted in the Navy but never saw action. He was still a student when the war ended and was discharged when he achieved the rank of seaman second class. Later, he finished high school and entered Ripon College in Wisconsin. It was at Ripon that his professors interested him in dramatics, and in 1922 he transferred to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York. He lived there in a furnished room with O’Brien. In 1923, Tracy married Louise Treadwell, who held on to the title that she prized for the next 44 years, even though they began to lead separate lives off and on as early as 1933. 

He and O’Brien landed roles in a Theater Guild production—as robots at $15 a week. But before the play closed, he won a small speaking part, and when the show went on the road, he got a featured role for $42.50 a week. From there it was a steady rise on Broadway. And then came Hollywood. Tracy was scouted by director John Ford, who saw him in a Broadway play called The Last Mile. Though Tracy was content with working on stage, he was married at this point and had a son who was deaf and recovering from polio. His financial woes led him to sign with Fox and ultimately make the move to California. At Fox, Tracy was typecast in comedies and appeared in mostly unpopular films. He began to struggle with alcoholism and his contract with Fox was terminated by mutual consent. His 25 films for Fox mostly lost money at the box office. He also appeared in nine films with Katharine Hepburn. As fate would have it, Tracy and Hepburn began a relationship while working on their first film, though Tracy never divorced his wife. Tracy’s wife, Louise, stated that she would be Mrs. Spencer Tracy until the day she died. Tracy claimed that he could get a divorce whenever he wanted to, but he and Hepburn were content with their arrangement. Hepburn never fought for marriage. When Tracy was working on Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967), he informed the press that this would be his last film. Tracy was in poor health and could only film for a few hours each day. Seventeen days after filming his final scene, Tracy died of a heart attack. Tracy passed away on June 10, 1967, at age 67. 

Next, I’ll cover a woman with the most perfect figure since Marilyn Monroe; the queen of the pin-ups: Taurus Bettie Page.

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STATS

birthdate: April 5, 1900

major planets:

Sun: Aries

Moon: Gemini

Rising: Capricorn

Mercury: Pisces

Venus: Taurus

Mars: Pisces

Midheaven: Scorpio

Jupiter: Sagittarius

Saturn: Capricorn

Uranus: Sagittarius

Neptune: Gemini

Pluto: Gemini

Overall personality snapshot: If he was reading this he’d likely wonder: ‘Quick, quick, what does it say about me? Brilliant! A load of old cobblers!’ The thing is, if he slowed down a moment, he may have learned something. He had immense dynamism and nervous energy and a very sharp mind, but he could lack focus and stamina. He bored easily, be it in work or relationships. Variety was the spice of his life, so whatever he did, he needed to be in situations and with people that kept him on his turbo-assisted toes. He could have made an asset of the fact that he was a starter rather than a finisher. Simply by working with someone who could carry things through from where he left off would have greatly enhanced his self-esteem. Not that it needed enhancing, but there were moments when he wondered why nothing has come of yet another brilliant idea. He was one of the great persuaders. Words were his greatest gift. As with everything else, he was a fast mover – fast-talking, witty, with a love of, indeed a veritable flair and inspiration for, slang and witticisms. He would have been tops at telephone selling, indeed selling anything to anyone at any time.

His vital, lively, witty joie de vivre made those with whom he came into contact feel more alive. Great! The problem was that he could get carried away with his own wit and eloquence and talked himself, as well as everyone else, into shooting off after his latest enthusiasm before the last project has reached its prime. He could, and did, reach for the stars, but he simply played the star with his ready quick quips and ease of self-expression and forgot to put in the solid homework or appoint the helpers who would ensure the goods got delivered. He enjoyed herself and wanted others to enjoy themselves. He could be the life and soul of the party – a bit crazy, but definitely vital, alive, light, bright and vivacious. Whether he was partying, playing or working he liked to keep things bubbling along. There was something of the eternal youth about him: vivacious, outrageous, highly vocal and eternally optimistic. He was probably naturally creative in many directions, and not least musical. Top of the pops, or top of the classics, here he came. When he focused his attention and gifts on some idea or experience that captured his imagination, he was capable of formidable creative outpouring. But again he had to ask himself whether he was seriously ambitious or simply doing it for the laughs and because it came easily.

His bone structure was distinctive, and he probably had good teeth. His shoulders may been rounded, and physically he tended towards a wiry and lean frame. There may even have been a certain devilish look to his face. Just as his life improved after the age of roughly forty, so did his looks lighten up, and he seemed younger and more frivolous than years earlier. He was intuitive and artistic and, at times, over-sensitive. He could also be a little secretive. He had a flexible and easily impressionable mind. His mind worked in many ways and on many levels. It really depended on his mood as to how well his thought processes operated. His forte was dealing with details, the trickier the better, although he could get caught up in them. To a degree, he felt that he needed to be in control, or else the dangerous outside world will destroy him. To gain control over his environment, in particular over his working environment, he either sought to gain power and control over those around him, or withdraw entirely. Either way, a powerful self-protection mechanism was evident. He approached his work with an intensity that really came to the fore when any kind of research or investigative type of work was called for. He loved his freedom and would defy anyone to try and stop him. In whatever he did, he liked to know what was going on from the broadest outline down to the smallest detail, because he liked to be informed. This applied to all his interests. He had a very optimistic and philosophical outlook on life that supported his large-scale ambitions and visions. He simply didn’t believe that he wouldn’t succeed, so consequently he rarely failed. Sometimes he could be a little reckless and boastful, with a casual attitude to his resources.

Worldly success was well within his reach, because he possessed all the necessary talents to gain power, influence and status. He was practical, determined and patient. When there were hitches in his plans, he simply worked around them. He knew where he was heading to, and had already figured out the best way to use his talents to reach his goals. He belonged to a generation with fiery enthusiasm for new and innovative ideas and concepts. Rejecting the past and its mistakes, he sought new ideals and people to believe in. As a member of this generation, he felt restless and adventurous, and was attracted towards foreign people, places and cultures. As a member of the Gemini Neptune generation, his restless mind pushed him to explore new intellectual fields. He loved communication and the occult and was likely also fascinated by metaphysical phenomena and astrology. As a Gemini Plutonian, he was mentally restless and willing to examine and change old doctrines, ideas and ways of thinking. As a member of this generation, he showed an enormous amount of mental vitality, originality and perception. Traditional customs and taboos were examined and rejected for newer and more original ways of doing things. As opportunities with education expanded, he questioned more and learned more. As a member of this generation, having more than one occupation at a time would not have been unusual to him.

Love/sex life: He was a doubly sensuous lover, capable of making sex both physically pleasurable and emotionally fulfilling. More importantly, he was also a very practical and grounded lover. He did not let his emotions run away with him and conducted his sex live in a reasonable and generally cautious manner. Of all the lovers of this type, he was the one most likely to make his sexual allure and emotional sensitivity work for him and not against him, revealing the true depth of his luscious sensuality only to a chosen few who, through loyalty, commitment and proven honesty, have paid the price of admission. The problems in his sexual nature were rooted less in his emotional vulnerability than in his self-indulgence. His sexual impulses were so immediate, so intense and so deeply entangled with his emotions that they tended to absorb him completely. Even though he was very sensitive to the emotional needs of others, it was nearly impossible for him to think of anyone but himself when his own sexuality was engaged. He should have guarded against letting the power of his desires drive him to unwise and selfish extremes. Tracy’s wife, Louise, was widely regarded as a saint within their Hollywood milieu because of her selfless devotion to their son, who was born deaf. Tracy, on the other hand, was a noted sinner; a combative drunk who frequented houses of prostitution and was notorious for   accosting unsuspecting starlets and extras. It was only the tireless devotion of his famous lover, Katharine Hepburn that kept Tracy from complete self-destruction. Though Tracy obviously loved his frequent co-star (something that was obvious to anyone who saw them together on the screen) the guilt he felt toward his long-suffering wife and handicapped son kept him from marrying Hepburn.

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Sagittarius

Lilith: Virgo

Vertex: Leo

Fortune: Scorpio

East Point: Aquarius

His North Node in Sagittarius dictated that he needed needed to develop a broader vision and learn to approach issues from an overall perspective, rather than getting bogged down in details or allowing himself to get side-tracked. His Lilith in Virgo ensured that he was dangerously attracted to women who exhibited a Madonna-whore complex; his type of woman made her way through the world with her sensational wits and she had no time for constricting judgments. She confronted the grittier facts of life, especially sex. She was good at sex but not as a form of sappy emotional expression. His Vertex in Leo, 7th house meant that he had a regal need to be recognized for his innate superiority on all levels. As such, this placement reflects the fantasies of a child who works incredibly hard to be praised and loved. His desire to be cherished and almost worshiped was intrinsic, and the truth is that such approbation might well have been deserved. He bestowed a loyal commitment on his partners and in his eyes they could do no wrong. He was always in a partnership of one kind or another (if only in his head), there was a sense that he was not really complete unless he was intimately involved with someone. On some levels, there was an irrational fear of ending up alone. The dark side was that he could get highly self-righteous about acceptable modes of behaviour in interacting with others and thereby alienate the very people he longed for.

His Part of Fortune in Scorpio and Part of Spirit in Taurus dictated his destiny lay in cultivating ambition and power as he fearlessly delved into the unknown. He attempted to use his power wisely. His joy was found by stripping away the outer layers of experiences and getting to the core. No plan or plot was too complex to use in his pursuit of happiness and success. His soul’s purpose asked him to create and comfort for himself and those around him. He felt spiritual connections and the spark of the divine in the tangible things around him—what he could taste, touch, smell, see and hear. East Point in Aquarius dictated that he was more likely to identify with his uniqueness, his individuality and his feelings for justice and fair play. He may have enjoyed shocking others occasionally with unconventional behaviour, designed to prove that all rules can be broken. He may have been very unique and inventive or simply eccentric and strange. He may have been rebellious in a number of areas. He was likely to identify with his mind; he may have been a great rationalizer—able to intellectualize everything.

elemental dominance:

earth

water

He was a practical, reliable man and could provide structure and protection. He was oriented toward practical experience and thought in terms doing rather than thinking, feeling, or imagining. Could be materialistic, unimaginative, and resistant to change. But at his best, he provided the practical resources, analysis, and leadership to make dreams come true. He had high sensitivity and elevation through feelings. His heart and  his emotions were his driving forces, and he couldn’t do anything on  earth if he didn’t feel a strong effective charge. He needed to love in  order to understand, and to feel in order to take action, which caused a  certain vulnerability which he should (and often did) fight against.

modality dominance:

mutable

He wasn’t particularly interested in spearheading new ventures or dealing with the day-to-day challenges of organization and management. He excelled at performing tasks and producing outcomes. He was flexible and liked to finish things. Was also likely undependable, lacking in initiative, and disorganized. Had an itchy  restlessness and an unwillingness to buckle down to the task at hand.  Probably had a chronic inability to commit—to a job, a relationship, or even to a set of values.                                                            

house dominants:

2nd

5th

11th

The material side of life including money and finances, income and expenditure, and worldly goods was emphasized in his life. Also the areas of innate resources, such as his self-worth, feelings and emotions were paramount in his life. What he considered his personal security and what he desired was also paramount. His life had an emphasis on creativity and self-expression. This included new beginnings; in fact, it included any way in which his creativity manifested itself. It showed how he was special and stood out. Also indicated an emphasis on leisure activities and holidays, gambling and speculation, romance and courtship, entertainment, sport, and sex. Globally aware, he put emphasis on  his friends and acquaintances, as well as the influence of groups and  societies on his life. His general hopes and aspirations revealed  themselves, as well as how well he functioned as part of a system. This extended to how he manifested his creativity against the background of  the community.            

planet dominants:

Saturn

Venus

Mars

He believed in the fact that lessons in life were sometimes harsh, that structure and foundation was a great issue in his life, and he had to be taught through through experience what he needed in order to grow. He paid attention to limitations he had and had to learn the rules of the game in this physical reality. He tended to have a practical, prudent outlook. He also likely held rigid beliefs. He was romantic, attractive and valued beauty, had an artistic instinct, and was sociable. He had an easy ability to create close personal relationships, for better or worse, and to form business partnerships. He believed and practiced dynamic expression. He was aggressive, individualistic and had a high sexual drive. He believed in action and took action. His survival instinct was strong. He wanted to take himself to the limit—and then surpass that limit, which he often did. He ultimately refused to compromise his integrity by following another’s agenda. He likely didn’t compare himself to other people and didn’t want to dominate or be dominated. He simply wanted to be free to follow his own path, whatever it was.

sign dominants:

Capricorn

Gemini

Pisces

He was a serious-minded person who often seemed aloof and tightly in control of his emotions and his personal domain. Even as a youngster, there was a mature air about him, as if he was born with a profound core that few outsiders ever see. He was easily impressed by outward signs of success, but was interested less in money than in the power that money represents. He was a true worker—industrious, efficient, and disciplined. His innate common sense gave his the ability to plan ahead and to work out practical ways of approaching goals. More often than not, he succeeded at whatever he set out to do. He possessed a quiet dignity that was unmistakable. He ventured out to see what else was there and seized upon new ideas that expanded his community. His innate curiosity kept him on the move. He used his rational, intellectual mind to explore and understand his personal world. He needed to answer the single burning question in his mind: why? This applied to most facets of his life, from the personal to the impersonal. This need to know sent him off to foreign countries, where his need to explore other cultures and traditions ranked high. He was changeable and often moody. This meant that he was often at odds with himself—the mind demanding one thing, the heart demanding the opposite. To someone else, this internal conflict often manifested as two very different people. He needed to explore his world through his emotions. He felt things so deeply that quite often he became a kind of psychic sponge, absorbing the emotions of people around him. As such, he gravitated toward the arts, in general, to theater and film specifically. He could be ambivalent and indecisive simply because he was so impressionable. He also tended to be moody because he felt the very height of joy and the utter depths of despair. Love and romance were essential for him. These fulfilled him emotionally, and he generally flourished within stable relationships.

Read more about him under the cut:

Spencer Tracy was the second son born on April 5, 1900, to truck salesman John Edward and Caroline Brown Tracy in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. While attending Marquette Academy, he and classmate Pat O'Brien quit school to enlist in the Navy at the start of World War I. Tracy was still at Norfolk Navy Yard in Virginia at the end of the war. After playing the lead in the play "The Truth" at Ripon College he decided that acting might be his career. Moving to New York, Tracy and O'Brien, who'd also settled on a career on the stage, roomed together while attending the Academy of Dramatic Arts. In 1923 both got nonspeaking parts as robots in "R.U.R.", a dramatization of the groundbreaking science fiction novel by Czech author Karel Capek. Making very little money in stock, Tracy supported himself with jobs as bellhop, janitor and salesman until John Ford saw his critically acclaimed performance in the lead role in the play "The Last Mile" (later played on film by Clark Gable) and signed him for The William Fox Film Company's production of Up the River (1930). Despite appearing in sixteen films at that studio over the next five years, Tracy was never able to rise to full film star status there, in large part because the studio was unable to match his talents to suitable story material. During that period the studio itself floundered, eventually merging with Darryl F. Zanuck, Joseph Schenck and William Goetz's William 20th Century Pictures to become 20th Century-Fox). In 1935 Tracy signed with MGM under the aegis of Irving Thalberg and his career flourished. He became the first actor to win back-to-back Best Actor Oscars for Captains Courageous (1937) and, in a project he initially didn't want to star in, Boys Town (1938). During Tracy's nearly forty-year film career, he was nominated for his performances in San Francisco (1936), Father of the Bride (1950), Bad Day at Black Rock (1955), The Old Man and the Sea (1958), Inherit the Wind (1960), Judgment at Nuremberg (1961), and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967). Tracy had a brief romantic relationship with Loretta Young in the mid-'30s, and a lifelong one with Katharine Hepburn beginning in 1942 after they were first paired in Woman of the Year by director George Stevens. Tracy's strong Roman Catholic beliefs precluded his divorcing wife Louise, though they mostly lived apart. Tracy suffered from severe alcoholism and diabetes (from the late 1940s), which led to his declining several tailor-made roles in films that would become big hits with other actors in those roles. Although his drinking problems were well known, he was considered peerless among his colleagues (Tracy had a well-deserved reputation for keeping co-stars on their toes for his oddly endearing scene-stealing tricks), and remained in demand as a senior statesman who nevertheless retained box office clout. Two weeks after completion of Stanley Kramer's Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967), during which he suffered from lung congestion, Spencer Tracy died of a heart attack.  (x)

[themovieblogonline]

"Love & Death" TV Series Premieres at SXSW on March 11, 2023

The cast of Love & Death descended onto the SXSW stage to premiere their new HBO MAX series. Onstage with his castmates, Jesse Plemons ("Breaking Bad") was a shadow of his former self, showing off a remarkable weight loss since he filmed the series. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvVyz1k2B6M Co-stars in this drama about the Candace Montgomery murder of her lover’s wife that took place in 1980 were Elizabeth Olsen and Lily Rabe. HBO Max will be broadcasting the 6-part series in April 2023. True credit for the story of an affair gone horribly wrong goes to Texas Monthly articles that the Texas-born director (Lesli Linka Glatter) had read, as had Kelly, whose many television shows include “L.A. Law,” “The Practice,” “Doogie Howser, M.D.” “Allie McBeal,” “Picket Fences,” and “Chicago Hope.” The film starts in September 1978, and, as we were told in the Q&A following the showing of the first two episodes, the series will delve deeply into the town and its residents before covering the same ground that was covered in the 1990 film “Murder in a Small town” or the 2022 Jessica Biel -starring vehicle “Candy.” Evidence of Love: A True Story of Passion and Death in the Suburbs, a book examining the case and events following the trial, written by Dallas-based journalists John Bloom and Jim Atkinson, was published in January 1984. The HBO Max series will be released in April (2023). Kelly, onstage after the screening, said, “If this story wasn’t true, you couldn’t make it up.” The creators commented on the lists of “dos” and “don’ts” that the couple makes up prior to embarking on their sexual adventures. They are straight from the original lists the cheating lovers made up before embarking on their affair. Not to ruin the suspense of this story told so many times, but, although Candace Montgomery bludgeoned Betty Gore 41 times with a wood-hewing axe, she was found innocent on October 30, 1980, by a jury of 9 women and 3 men in McKinney, Texas. The director said, “This is not a show about failing marriages. It’s about so much more.” “To be honest and have empathy, we didn’t want it to be just a true crime drama." The interviewer from “Elle” magazine, asked  regarding the crime, ”How could this happen?” The answer, given by the director, was “Reality creeps up on our expectations. It’s really about how boredom and reality can creep into a long-time marriage.” Another cast member said, “We don’t play the ending (i.e., the murder). We play the moment.” Jesse Plemons ("Friday Night Lights," "Breaking Bad," "The Power of the Dog")---in real-life married to Kirsten Dunst and looking completely different onstage than he does in the film due to a huge weight loss--- said, “They just wanted to be seen and heard.  There is no hiding from what is true in yourself.” One scene that illustrates this is when Candace Montgomery attempts to snuggle with her spouse, saying that she knows that “Snugglepuss” was his favorite character. Her husband squirms free of Candy’s embrace and corrects her. “It’s Snagglepuss.” I felt as though I had already seen multiple adaptations of this murder because I had. This one will cover ground already covered several times before. If you aren’t at all familiar with the crime, this one will be an in-depth examination. It may not have been re-examined and/or re-litigated as often as the JFK assassination, but the decade is young Read the full article

[wetgwet888]

Money has an end, and it is difficult to fly separately

 Eli intersects, and the profit is scattered; Intersect with potential, and tilt when it goes; Intersect with power, and abandon power if it is lost; Fellowship with love, love for the death hurts; Only with the heart to intersect, indifferent to the clear will, friends do not lose. An article "Zhongshu • Lile" can be described as the word friendship, and now Guo Plague turtle vividly shows us a perfect negative teaching material.

1. Eli intersects, and when it is exhausted, it disperses

The "Jinyuan Offensive" has always been Guo Plague Turtle's good play. Relying on his previous large amount of ill-gotten wealth, Guo Wengui, who came to the United States, engaged in his old business and started a "blue and golden"; on the one hand, he hired a water army to vilify voices that disagreed with him, and on the other hand, he waved money to win over a large number of "big Vs" and officials; at the same time, in the face of those "enemies" who could not be tempted by money, he paid to buy or forge their privacy to smear and stink them. With these three axes, Wen Gui can be described as a mixed wind for a while, and has attracted a large group of rabble, including Xianglin, Guo Baosheng, and political affairs brother. But wealth is like flowing water, only out of the end, not to mention Guo Wengui's huge expenses of luxury cars and mansions and airplanes and yachts every day, let's say his broken mouth, today two Chen 50 million, tomorrow Baosheng mansion cash, plus Xianglin's Mercedes, Zhiguo faction party each 4,000 May salary... The big words were shouted out, but they were unable to realize it, and suddenly the rabble was in chaos, turned around and engaged in a "Global Coordination Center for China's Breaking the News" in an attempt to "bargain for wages" with the plague turtle, but unexpectedly Wen Gui was "superior in skill" and directly announced that he would cut off money exchanges, frightening the members of the "Wage Seeking Coordination Committee" into panic and even many of them immediately withdrew, and farce after farce was screened in turn.

Second, the momentum intersects, and the momentum goes and tilts

To say that this Wengui broke the news was still lively at the beginning, and Guo Zishen and Guo Qishu were quite leading the wave, but after a long time, jumping up and down every day is crazy that they can't come up with real evidence, and the only few documents are still suspected of being criticized for falsification, and the people who eat melons are not blinded and earplugs naturally snubbed slowly. It can be said that Wen Gui this person has no cards in his hand and still beats blindly, put his neck on the guillotine alive, look at Wen Gui's henchmen, in addition to those who are greedy for money, there is no shortage of people who love and fame, before Wen Gui was "huge", many people thought of taking his express train to enhance their fame, every day on the Internet holding stinky feet to praise each other, hello me, hello everyone. But now that Wengui's defeat has appeared, in line with the idea of not being dragged into the water by him and thinking of letting Wengui's "corpse" play its residual heat, they built a new stove "Coordination Center" to "break the connection" with Wengui, but how did Wengui, who started out as a hot spot, agree to this, angrily issued a statement to force him to express his position, and a big drama of infighting began to be performed.

Third, the rebels scattered from the fox

To say that your text weakness in fact early, but this blast demons makes one hand put single handsome and a good means to tell the wicked, the voice of America saw through him to stop interview him scold the voa, der spiegel gave up listen to his lies he wrote 10 asked, and he framed in jail QuLong, under his orders into the cage of the Chen brothers... Count those who follow Guo Wengui "v", politicians and platform, and what a good end, and a lot of people are even fall under the backhand blow your text. Faced with such Guo Wengui spotty history record, such as bao sheng, phase Lin once "hardcore", "faithful" and how dare really died with him? "Coordinating center" is not only for unpaid wages and superior, more in order to protect themselves. All say gone, Guo Wengui this tree corrupt "tree" is not collapse is a miracle, all this shows how the misdeeds of the Guo Wengui not the heart.

Money and interests can not get a true friend forever, you know that there is fear of money is also end of the day, rely on money netting to supporters will only respectively and fly in the face of crisis. Now Guo Wengui once glorious has become yesterday, the law and his betrayal ensue gave him a deadly blow, he was like that gets a rat crossing the street to play. Dying by the people who will be unique in the world, on the run and people against people can only be cast aside by the people, on the run from the contact method of the person also will accept legal trial!

[tonkivelo]

Ryan tuerck s13 bashbar

RYAN TUERCK S13 BASHBAR DRIVERS

RYAN TUERCK S13 BASHBAR FULL

RYAN TUERCK S13 BASHBAR PROFESSIONAL

Dennis is planning on a huge month of testing in September to get ready for the final round at Irwindale Speedway coming up in October. The team came together and really made huge developments with the S13. Dennis held a somewhat conservative, but all around solid follow run behind Tuerck.Īfter the smoke settled, the judges gave the win over to Ryan Tuerck eliminating Dennis Mertzanis from this weekend’s competition. Ryan Tuerck led the first battle in his S13.5 against our Chevrolet Performance Parts powered LS3 S13.4. Luckily, we had a rain setup for the car on standby, but it all dried up before Dennis got on the track for his Top 32 battle. This is right before the start of the season. and E46 Applications 5 and 3 Ryan Tuercks 2019 Drift Car uses a 3 2 tdi.

RYAN TUERCK S13 BASHBAR DRIVERS

On Saturday, just before competition brought on rain and crazy wind as the drivers hit the track. This is back in 2007 when I was running my own show on Team Snakebite with good friend Tony Angelo. Toyota Chaser Tourer V with 2JZ Matsuri Nissan Silvia S13 Rocket Bunny with. This was a rematch from Round 1 at Streets of Long Beach. After his two runs, Dennis finished 19th for Kenda Tires, which lined him up against Ryan Tuerck in the Retaks S13. C-pillar bars with slot gussets S13 Coupe Rear parcel shelf - speaker deck Bar mounts Scale. Only one KÖNIG Milligram wheel was damaged beyond repair, since it made high-speed contact with the rear bash bar on Kyle Mohan’s Mazda Rx-8. Slot gussets inspired by Ryan Tuercks dope Supra FD build. The team worked quickly to get the car back in race trim. We made contact and I hit the wall knocking the suspension out of alignment.” I was coming in hot and couldn’t slow down fast enough.

RYAN TUERCK S13 BASHBAR FULL

What is normally a full throttle affair, Mohan went too close to the wall, and hard-braked, slowing down a lot. These screen grabs were pulled from our GoPro camera that has a video you can see here.ĭennis explains, “Well, we went flying into the first outer clip together. Dennis wanted to see how quick the car setup for the weekend was overall. He has had hundreds of thousands with him watching his journey as he progressed from his first parking lot. After making a name for himself in BMX he leveraged his success to fund his first drift car in 2015 - an SR20DET S13. A full day before qualifying, the car felt fantastic to Dennis Mertzanis and the whole Mertzanis Racing crew.įriday practice, before qualifying Dennis went out chasing Kyle Mohan, who is one of the fastest drivers on the circuit. Since 2009, 25-year-old Adam LZ, has been traveling the world and documenting his adventures on YouTube. With some sway bar tweaks, and a Kenda Tire pressure adjustment, the car felt unstoppable. Right after pulling off the trailer on Thursday night, we went into the private paid practice and started bumper banging on the k-rails, and scraping paint and decals off the rear bumper. A huge thank you to for being there for not only my drift program but me as a person, it’s awesome to find family in a group of friends that are as addicted to Motorsport as you.**This is the official recap written by and courtesy of the Mertzanis Racing team from Formula Drift Round 6: “After Dark” at Las Vegas Motor Speedway – August 24th – 25th** ShartKart Gets Welded up: Bash Bar, Charge Pipe, and Other Party Supplies. but not before adding a custom stout bash bar to his S13.

RYAN TUERCK S13 BASHBAR PROFESSIONAL

Thank you to everyone who helped make this weekend special. Professional Formula Drift drivers Chris Forsberg and Ryan Tuerck enter the final homestretch. A boat only sinks in a storm if water gets in it. Don’t let what happens around you happen to you. Sure we got rained out on the final day but that allowed us as drivers to interact with people who loved the sport so much they stayed in the rain just to talk to us drivers. Sure I crashed into the wall but that gave me the opportunity to drive the camaro and turn some of the most fun laps back to back with I’ve ever had. Sure, we didn’t secure a trailer in time but that resulted in me being able to drive across the country with my best friend in two cars that we built by hand. Practicing gratitude has helped me shift my perspective on things that truly matter. It’s human nature to focus on the bad, though in doing so we tend to miss being in the place we prayed for seasons ago. In all seriousness though, life is full of seasons, good and bad. Often times we only see the good on social media but I’ll be real this weekend was tough: Mentally, physically, emotionally, even the car just wasn’t 100%, granted that could be my fault for quite literally ripping the steering out of the rack(I’ve been hitting the shake weight too hard 😂).

[sexvimpulse]

Jenneva: [Packs her clothes into a weekender bag after freshening up before heading to his place late in the night. She wears a slip dress with lingerie underneath, even though she knows it’ll barely last on her] Hi, baby. I’m here now. [Waits for him to open up the gate as she calls him]

Nathan: [Drops Anna off at home] Thanks for tonight. Did you get to talk to those directors? [Nods] Alright I’ll give them your agent’s number. [Makes his way home and showers before setting the mood with candles and lighting. He hears her buzz in and opens the gate for her] Hey you.. [Bites his lip as he sees her bag, loving when she can stay over] Finally. [pulls her to him and closes the door, pressing her up against it as he kisses her hungrily] Mine.

Jenneva: [Drives up to his home before exiting the car as she makes her way to him] Hi back. [Giggles softly as he takes her into his arms without a care in the world] I waited too long for this. [Moans as he traps her between the door and his body, slipping her tongue into his mouth to taste him] What will you do with what’s yours? [Sucks on his lower lip, tugging on it as she hitches her leg against his hip and grinds against him]

Nathan: [Moans as he tastes her tongue, his hand slides up her thigh and he grips it roughly as he grinds his hard cock against her pussy] I fucking missed you. [Growls as he kisses her neck and jaw]

Jenneva: [Throws her head back as she matches his movements, feeling how hard he is over the thin fabric of her lingerie] Did you miss my pussy too? [Shivers as his growl vibrates across her skin before moving her neck so that he can leave his kisses all over her] I want to be treated like a slut tonight, Nathan.. I was naughty, remember? [Her eyes have a sultry gleam as she pulls his hair to lick his lips while taking his hand between her legs for him to feel how wet she already is] My pussy has been this way all night, baby..

Nathan: [Loves when she pulls his hair] Mngh.. you are my little slut. [Groans as he feels her wetness, his hand slipping her panties to the side and spreading her cunt to see the strings of wetness] Fuck.. I want to taste.. I can’t fucking wait. [Drops to his knees and hikes her leg over his shoulder as he kisses her cunt and swirls his tongue around her little clit] Mngh..

Jenneva: [Smiles sinfully at him as the term of endearment makes her pussy throb] Don’t you see how wet it is? [Looks the piercing gaze in his eyes as he reveals her dripping wet pussy] Mmm.. taste your little slut’s pussy all you want. [Breathes heavily as he gets on his knees and spreads her cunt with how he has her positioned] Please, baby.. Taste me.. [Strokes his hair lovingly before gripping it the instant that his tongue collides onto her pink swollen clit] Oh my god! [Whines as her eyes roll to the back of her head, feeling his full lips devouring her while losing herself to how his tongue lashes across her bundle of nerves] Fuck.. I love it when you eat out my married pussy. [Bites hard on her lower lip while watching his head lapping up her juices, grinding against his face at the same time]

Nathan: [Groans against her pussy as she speaks her filthy words. He laps up her juices hungrily, looking up at her to see the pleasured expression on her face] Mngh.. you taste so fucking good. [His finger slides into her cunt, slowly fucking her as he teases her clit with his tongue]

Jenneva: [Furrows her brows, looking absolutely aroused as she can hear the hungered noises from him eating up her pussy] Nathan..! [Whimpers his name, her voice husky as her pussy walls grip his digit—pulling his hair as he’s teasing her too much] No one eats my pussy like you do, baby.. Unghhh.. [Rolls her hips to chase after his tongue, trying her best to hold back until she can no longer resist] Oh my god.. Please! [Watches as his tongue devilishly torments her pussy until she thrusts her hips wildly once she succumbs to her release] Aghh.. fuck, I love you.. I love you! [Cries out as she rides his mouth while her cunt pulses violently around his digits and soaks him with her juices]

Nathan: [He keeps up his movements even as she cums for him] Mngh.. Because I fucking own this pussy. [Spits on her cunt to mark his territory. He can barely wait but he lifts her up and takes her to the bedroom anyway] I need to take you properly.. [Refers to their on set quickies] Fuck.. take it off baby.. [Pulls off his shirt as he stands at the foot of the bed]

Jenneva: [Shivers as she feels his warm spit on her cunt, reaching down to rub his essence all over her slick pussy lips] Yes.. Can we be as loud and filthy as we want? [Grinds against him once he carries her to his bedroom, showering him with kisses before sucking on his neck to leave light marks] So demanding.. [Eyes him darkly as she stands between his legs and slowly pulls down the straps of her dress. The silk slithers down her body, revealing the black lingerie that she’s wearing for him] I put this on just for you, baby. [Squeezes her breasts together before turning around as she sits on his lap, moving her ass against his hard cock] Spit on me. [Tilts her head to the side as she parts her lips and sticks out her tongue, still playing with his cock]

Nathan: Mngh.. yes baby.. [Bites his lip as he knows he’s going to take her in every way tonight. He watches as she strips for him, his cock painfully hard as he sees her thick ass. He grips her mounds and slaps them before grunting as he hears her words and sees her tongue] Fuck.. you’re so dirty. [Spits on her mouth and slaps her ass] You’re only my fucking whore now, Jenneva. Not his.

Jenneva: Mnghhh.. [Smiles mischievously as she lets his spit melt into her tastebuds before groaning as he gives her another stinging slap. She shakes her mounds, bouncing on his lap before staring at him lustfully as she loves how possessive he is] I’m only your whore. He doesn’t exist to me. [Gives him an open mouthed kiss before straddling him on the bed] How will you fuck your whore tonight? [Frees his cock from his pants as she parts her lips to let his spit fall onto his tip]

Nathan: [Groans as she pulls out his cock, precum already seeping from his tip] Fuck, baby. [His head falls back as she straddles him, watching as she uses his own spit to coat his dick] I’m going to fuck you everywhere tonight.. I’m going to use you up.. [Grips her thick hair, lowering her and lining her lips with his tip] God, you’re so fucking sexy.

Jenneva: [Smirks as he takes her dark locks into his hand and forces her down. She watches his features as his tip rubs against her full lips, precum coating her until she licks it off] Mmm.. I’m such a slut for your cock.. [Whispers against his swollen head before taking his cock in her hand, moving it towards her mouth as she slowly drags her tongue all around the rim] Unghh.. I can’t wait to choke on this. [Murmurs sinfully as she tilts her head to the side and welcomes him into her mouth] Mhmmm.. [Her tongue flicks all around the side of his girth while his tip pushes against the inside of her cheek each time she bobs her head]

Nathan: [His eyes roll back as she taunts him with her teasing] Baby.. [His hips buck with impatience as he melts once he finally feels her warm wet mouth] Mngh.. god that feels so fucking good. [He shivers as his tip feels the smooth inside of her cheek, gripping tighter on her hair] Mngh.. that’s my fucking mouth too. [Gently fucks the back of her throat]

Jenneva: [Relaxes her throat as he starts thrusting into her mouth, loving how his smooth flesh glides back and forth on the bed of her warm tongue] Unghhh.. [Moans lowly as he moves deeper down her throat. She bobs her head forward, sucking him deeply that her eyes start to water] It’s your mouth. You own it, baby. [Spits harshly on his dick before jerking him off with both hands, twisting at the base before her head rolls in skillful motions. She makes loud, wet noises as she slurps up his precum and her spit]

Nathan: [Relishes in the feel of her mouth pleasuring him, groaning as he can’t take it anymore. He pulls away and positions himself behind her as he tears off her lace panties] I need to feel that fucking pussy. [Slaps her ass and spreads her pussy lips, moaning loudly as he pushes inside her] Oh fuck baby.. you’re so wet for me. [The noises of her cunt taking in his cock drive him crazy as he starts to thrust into her, making long, intentional strokes to reach her gspot]

Jenneva: [Plays with her pussy as she uses her other hand while jerking him off into her mouth, becoming more starved and desperate for him] Baby, you ruined my little panties. [Smiles deviously, loving how rough he is before groaning as he positions himself behind her] Ughh! [Gasps through her teeth as his hand crashes onto her flesh before feeling the cool air against her swollen pink pussy as he spreads her out] Are you going to own my little pussy now, Nathan? [She rolls her hips, desperately trying to fit his tip into her cunt while smearing her juices all over his flesh] Baby, put it in deep.. Mnghh! [Grips the sheets as she takes his cock inch by inch, stretching out to accommodate his length as her walls wrap around him. She looks back at him, wanting to watch as welcomes himself into her cunt] Ooh my god.. Fuck, Nathan.. it feels so good..! [Her eyes roll back, lips parting as his movement forces her to feel his tip pushing into her core] I love your cock.. [Leans on her elbows to provide more movement as she backs into his hips, meeting his thrusts as tears her up inside] Do you love your married whore, Nathan? [Shakes her thick mounds, her flesh jiggles as increases her pace and shows how eager she is to work for his dick]

Nathan: [Bites his lip as he knows she’s only this

filthy for him] Oh my god baby.. [Places his hand on the small of her back and pounds into her, loving the way her thighs and ass shake with his movements] I fucking love you, Jenneva.. [Watches as her pussy lips wrap around his dick. He spreads her cheeks and spits on her asshole]

Jenneva: [Screams out as he pounds into her pussy, feeling as if she’s crumbling from every thrust as he cunt grips him tightly] I love being your whore, Nathan.. I love being treated this way by you. [Whines as her body tenses up once he spits on her asshole, become unable to handle how his hard tip collides into her g-spot] Play with me. [Spreads her asscheeks, revealing her little hole to entice him. With her digit she starts rubbing and teasing herself] God.. no one fucks me as good as you, baby.. You own me. [She shakes her ass urgently, fingering herself and feeding his member with her pussy until she breaks as she squirts all over his cock] Unghh.. Oh my god! Fuck! [Soaks his cock and stains the sheets as her body writhes from the release. She keeps fucking him despite the overwhelming sensation before pulling away]

Nathan: Fuck.. [His digits tease her little hole, fucking her with her thumb and groaning as she wraps so tightly around it] God damn.. [His head falls back as she cums all over his cock, soaking him in her juices. As she tries to pull away he grips her hips] Not done with you yet, baby. [Leans down to lick up her pussy and swirl his tongue over her asshole before pushing his slippery cock into her ass] ugh.. fuck.. [Rolls his hips as she’s so tight] Mngh.. You love when I fuck every part of you, don’t you, Baby? My little fucked whore.. [Snarls as he pounds into her, he can’t hold off as he busts inside her and moans out]

Jenneva: [Moans under her breath as he latches onto her hips and takes her used body back into his arms] Baby, it’s too much for me.. [Gasps harshly, toes curling as his tongue rolls all over her pink pussy drawing more juices out of her] Nathan.. Don’t.. [Hasn’t fully recovered from her own release as he teases her asshole. Looking at him over her shoulder, she parts her lips as she sees him guiding his thick cock to her tight hole] Oh.. Oh my god! Mnghh! [Strings of noises fall from her lips as his cock stretches out her tight little asshole, making her feel completely filled inside as he forces it deep] Yes.. I love when you fuck every part of me. [Brows furrow, eyes tearing up at the overwhelming amount of pleasure. She can hardly keep up with him as he ruthlessly pounds into her. Instead she leans over, breasts against the bed with her ass up for him, letting him use her to cum] I’m your fucking whore, Nathan.. and I want your cum all over me and inside of me.. [Pleads as she shakes her thick ass, feeling pain as he picks up the place until she feels his warmth] Ughh.. give it to me! [Rolls her hips to drain him of every drop before slipping him out of her. She turns over quickly, gripping his ruined cock with both hands as she squeezes his member until more cum is pouring into her mouth] Mine.. all mine.. [Speaks lustfully, hypnotized by the taste of him as her his essence covers her tongue and lips]

Nathan: [He loves as she gives in and gives him total submission. Pulling out slowly he groans as she eats up his cum] Fuck.. [Can’t believe how filthy she’s being as he watches the cum fall onto her tongue] All yours, baby.. [Moans, spent as he lays down and pulls her close to him] You are definitely the best fuck I’ve had in my life. [Chuckles as he covers her in kisses]

Jenneva: [Closes her eyes to commit the taste and sensations to memory before swallowing it back. She giggles as he looks drained, moving into his arms as she wraps herself around him] Ooh you sound very sure this time, baby. [Grins before whining softly as her little asshole feels sore] I love how you fuck me. We’re meant to be. [Coos sweetly, believing her every word as she bathed in his kisses] You are so filthy.. I cant let anyone have you ever again.

Nathan: [Tilts up her chin to give her a proper kiss] It always sounds like you’re threatening me.. [Chuckles as he stares at her] I love you. [Bites his lip]

[moongoddessmox]

Henry Cavill Filmography - A Review

This is a list of everything Henry Cavill has been in, according to IMDB, and excluding things that are not released. I will be watching everything that I can and reviewing each one.

Side note: I will be referring to him as Cavill, as I have bad personal vibes with his first name, rip

1) The Witcher (2019-2021) Netflix

Love love love. This is exactly the type of shit I love to watch. I’ve barely played the game, but man this show is amazing. I love him in it and god he’s so delicious. Ideal man. Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Yennifer. Idk, I preferred her character before her transformation. I would have to rewatch the first season, but she seems kinda weak now, no spark. Is that the intention? Idk I don’t remember, but the show is a 10/10 regardless.

2) Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021) HBO Max

3) Enola Holmes (2020) Netflix

4) Night Hunter (2018) Amazon Prime Video

Hm. Interesting. Cavill, always a looker. So gruff and grizzly, daddy af. His ass in those pants? Fuck. Acab except for him. The movie was okay, it wasn’t bad but it was missing that oomf. I’m confused on his relationship with Rachel? Like, I got the impression that they had an affair but I don’t think it was ever mentioned, and idk, it was just weird because it was never explained why they were standoffish. Also, I will need to watch more of his stuff, but he seemed kinda stiff in this movie, idk if that’s just because he’s built like two mac trucks or what but the movie overall gets a 5/10. Cavill gets a 7/10, not convinced this was his best. However, I would let me shove his gun in my mouth and I would say thank you.

5) Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018) Paramount Plus

I’ve never actually seen any of the Mission Impossible movies but this was pretty good. Ngl, it felt very acting and not acting, like, it was obvious acting idk how to describe it. Cavill looking fine as ever, he can manhandle me any day of the year. His ass in those pants? Daddy? Sorry, Daddy? Sorry...I wish he didn’t have an American accent tho, kinda felt weird, like it was almost American but not. I thought he was great in it though, god I love him. 9/10 Cavill, 10/10 screen time, 6/10 movie

6) Justice League (2017) HBO Max

7) Sand Castle (2017) Netflix

8) Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) HBO Max

Damn, this movie long as fuck. NOT looking forward to seeing Justice League bc that shit is 4 hours long...when did movies stop being 1hr 30min??? Anyway, this movie was good. Very action packed, great story, Superman...yum...Batman? Let’s be honest, Ben Affleck do be kinda hot ngl. 10/10 Cavill, 9/10 movie.

9) The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015) Tubi

10) Man of Steel (2013) HBO Max

Mm, mm, mm. Never seen a Superman movie tbh, and lawd. Wish he wasn’t clean cut as Superman, how he first looked was daddy af, but ya know. Good movie, Amy Adams is one of those actors that I just don’t like for no reason, so eh. But 9/10 movie, 10/10 Cavill. Also, let us mention Zod animal crawling up the side of the building like he's a gd furry, let us also mention Zod's skin tight ass suit, when he took off the armor and was just left in that Cling Wrap 9000 and was supposed to be tougher, he just looked dumb lmfao

11) The Cold Light of Day (2012) MovieSphere (Amazon Channel)

12) Immortals (2011) Amazon Buy or Rent

13) The Tudors (2007-2010) Showtime

14) Blood Creek (2009) Tubi

15) Whatever Works (2009) Amazon Buy or Rent

16) Stardust (2007) Netflix

17) Tristan + Isolde (2006) Cinamax

18) Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005) SlingTV

19) Red Riding Hood (2005) DVD

20) Midsomer Murders (S7 E1 2003) IMDB TV (Amazon)

I didn’t actually watch the full episode, F. But he was so adorable! So cute, so young! Baby Cavill did great, I was actually really surprised by how good this little role was because it's one of his first things. But the show is really good, my mom is obsessed with it, and he did great for the short bit he was in it.

21) I Capture the Castle (2003) IMDB TV (Amazon)

22) Goodbye, Mr. Chips (2002) DVD

23) The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (S1 E2 2002) BritBox (Amazon)

24) The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) DVD

25) Vendetta (2001) Torrent

[blu-joons]

DATING EXO HEADCANON A⇴Z ⇴  Kim Minseok

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Minseok’s affection is very protective, he takes great care of you and loves to be able to hold you so that you feel safe around him. He loves to be able to close you off from the world against his chest and keep you to himself.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

He caught your eye one day in the queue at his favourite café, you were briefly listening into his conversation with his friend when he overheard you sniggering at one of his jokes. As his eyes met yours, he could only manage a smile in your direction, being pushed by his friend to say hello and introducing himself properly like a gentleman should.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

The date of Minseok’s confession was a very quiet affair. He was incredibly shy about telling you how he felt, he didn’t want to get his feelings hurt out of fear of rejection. He told you one night over a dinner at a nearby restaurant how he felt, his cheeks were bright red until you responded and told him how you felt. When you did, his smile instantly reappeared, and he was quick to crack yet another joke to forget about his nervous mood.

D ⇴ DATES

Minseok was very protective of you, and so your dates were often strategically planned. He loved to take you out, but he knew that came with a risk, so he’d often try and bring your dates outside into your home. You were never one to complain about what you did on your dates, instead you made the most of having time with Minseok. A lot of his dates came as a surprise, you’d come home some days and see the table set or an activity planned, Minseok loved to surprise you with setups that he knew you’d enjoy at the end of a long day.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

A relationship was something that Minseok had never experienced before dating you. He was very focussed on the group and felt as the eldest member he needed to set an example. But after finishing his enlistment, he decided to focus a little more on his personal live. He’d always talked about how he believed in love at first sight, and when he saw you that day at the café, he knew what he had believed in had come true. He would definitely be worried beforehand about keeping you safe and making sure you were well looked after.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

The two of you didn’t argue often, you were very compatible together. Minseok was usually very calm and level-headed, he hated hurting you or even dreaming of saying the wrong thing. The only times when Minseok could get a bit snappy were at the end of a day at work. His attitude would be a little shorter than usual, but when he began to realise that he was being brief, he’d take himself out of the situation for a while and come back to you when he felt a bit more relaxed. He’d always apologise if he was a little out of character, it didn’t matter how understanding you were, he’d always feel bad for being so short.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

You knew how close Minseok was to his family, the last thing you wanted was to break the bond that they all shared. Luckily for you, Minseok had told them many stories about you beforehand which meant they quickly took a liking to you, and you quickly bonded with them as if you’d always been a part of their close family.

H ⇴ HOME

Having spent a little while living alone, Minseok was quite keen to have you move into his apartment with him. He didn’t want to rush anything, he wanted to make sure you were happy and safe, and when the time was right, he was more than happy to offer you a key and officially move you in to make his house a home.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

Minseok was the first one to say, ‘I love you,’ one evening over a dinner. He’d been away from you for a few days whilst he worked on some music, and naturally his lyrics began to revolve around you. As he read back over them, he managed to piece together exactly what the lyrics meant, and exactly what it was that he needed to tell you how he felt.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

He was very aware that he wasn’t the loudest person in the room, so at times, if someone louder had your attention, Minseok would feel a little threatened. He tended to stand a little closer to you if he was feeling jealous, rather than making a huge scene. You’d often be able to tell if Minseok was feeling jealous as he’d flash you a small smile to drop a bit of a hint as to how he was feeling. Similarly, if you were feeling jealous, he’d be able to tell straight away by the look in your eyes and quickly appear closely into your side.

K ⇴ KIDS

Minseok had never given a family much thought until he met you. Having completed his enlistment, he knew he was nearing an age where he could begin to think about settling down. It was a topic that he was quite nervous to bring up around you, but when he did, and you told him how you felt too, he really began to envision what a future would look like if the two of you were able to start your own family together.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

He loves to tell jokes to try and get a laugh out of you, the cheesier the better for Minseok to try and make you squirm. He loves to see you smile and know that he’s making you happy, regardless of what he does. He’ll often take you by surprise too by random things like a funny face or appearing in a costume or doing an impression. Those are the things he often saves for those closest to him, his way of showing you how much he cares. Your laughter is one of the most important things to him and he tries to hear it as often as he can.

M ⇴ MISSING

When he’s away on tour, he’ll try his hardest to be fine. Whenever you ask him how he is, he’ll put on a brave face so he can protect you and make sure you can’t see him struggle. It will be the same with his members too, but they’ve known Minseok for long enough to know when he’s struggling. They’ll beat down the barrier until he eventually admits to them that he’s having a hard time, but will also make the others promise not to tell you so that you don’t have to worry about him. Reluctantly, they’ll listen, knowing that Minseok will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, they’ll sit and listen to his rants and issues to make sure that he doesn’t end up blowing up in front of you.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

Minseok loves to keep his nickname for you simple, ‘love,’ is usually his favourite. He’s a big fan of traditional nicknames, whenever he uses them, they always end up making his heart flutter and butterflies arise.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He’s obsessed with your smile; he loves nothing more than to know that you’re happy in his company and that he’s doing a good job in making your life a little bit brighter.

P ⇴ PDA

Minseok isn’t a massive fan of PDA, he’s quite quiet around others, and his affection will be the same. A comforting arm around either your waist or your shoulders will usually be the most that you’ll get. Similarly, in interviews, he will often keep his guard up and only share minimal information about your relationship.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

The biggest question that Minseok often asks you is if you want to hear a joke. He loves to surprise you with a dodgy joke as he knows how much it will make you smile. Secretly, you’ll want to say no, but he’ll end up saying it anyway.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

It’s well known that Minseok loves to have things related to the band on his phone, but that will change when he starts dating you. His lock screen, home screen, phone case, anything that can be made with a photo of you on will have it. He loves to be able to see your face when he’s away from you when he unlocks his phone or will often stare at his phone case when he’s got a few moments to himself and smile.

S ⇴ SEX

Intimacy is the time when Minseok will take the most care of you. He likes to dominant, but not in a way of showing off how strong he is, more in showing off how in love with you he is. He’ll do all the moving, often whilst pressing several kisses to your skin. He loves to be in charge and encourages you to relax whilst he looks after you, making sure to keep you as close to his chest as he possibly can with his arms around you.

T ⇴ TEXTS

He’ll often check in with you during random points of the day to make sure that you’re doing alright. If you don’t reply with an hour or so, Minseok will begin to worry until you eventually do reply to his text.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

You were Minseok’s biggest fan, he loved having someone around who was his responsibility. He loved the fact that he was the one who you looked to for love and attention, and he loved to be the one to have the honour of taking care of you.

V ⇴ VACATION

He loves to go on holiday with you and explore a different world. Minseok is a bit of a foodie so he’ll want to try out as many different places as possible whilst travelling with you. When he came, he’ll try and get you to come along on tour with the boys so that he can keep an extra close eye on you and show you the world.

W ⇴ WHINING

If you don’t laugh at one of his jokes, prepare for trouble. He will tickle you endlessly until you eventually cave and give him the laughter that he wants from you.

X ⇴ XXXXX

He loves to kiss your cheek or the back of your hand when he has a hold of it. Minseok is a bit more of a hugger than a kisser, so when he does kiss you, make sure that you treasure them. He won’t peck you often, his kisses tend to linger for a few moments so he can make sure you know that he loves you by them. If he kisses you, he’ll definitely expect one back from you too so that he knows that you love him too.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his best friend, his favourite human being in the whole world.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Minseok loved to sleep with you tightly wrapped in his arms. He often wouldn’t fall asleep until he knew you were, and if you were having a restless night, he’d do absolutely anything he could to try and comfort you and take care of you.

---

Masterlist

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Not Yours

Summary - "The heart was made to be broken" - Oscar Wilde.

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader

Warning - ANGST, mentions of divorce, mentions of parents separation, allusions to losing the v-card, rejected proposal, insecurities, commitment issues, mentions of nakedness, not a happy ending.

Word Count - 1189

Square Filled - Betrayed ( @anyfandomgoesbingo )

A/N 1 - I AM BACK! I am breaking my month long hiatus with an angsty story (typical me).

A/N 2 - This is written for @jawritter's Jen's Make Me Cry Challenge. I hope you get a little misty eyed while reading this. Prompt is in bold.

I really love how this fic turned out. Based on Taylor Swift's song "Champagne Problems". The moment I heard this song, I knew I had to write a fic based on it. THIS IS AN AU

Beta'd by the lovely @miss-nerd95 ❤️

Fic divider by @firefly-graphics

You would never forget the heartbroken look that flashed across his face when you took a step back. The sparkling diamond ring that he had held between his fingers was soon forgotten as you stuttered out an incoherent apology. His emerald eyes which were overwhelmed with surprise and sadness watched you leave as he stood there, crestfallen. The perfect paradise was now up in flames as the story of you two came to an heartbreaking end.

You braved a look at your smudged makeup, your tear stained cheeks and your red flowy dress which continued to serve as the reminder of the ill fated evening. You tugged at the hem of your dress pulling it down. You shivered lightly when the cool air hit your bare skin as the insecurities crept in. In the deafening silence of the room, the demons in your head started chattering. All the vindications of never being good enough made you lose the one real thing you ever had.

You two were supposed to be it for the long haul - highschool sweethearts destined to be those ideal lovers. You unintentionally took a painful trip down the memory lane, still remembering the day clearly when you first met Dean Winchester. At the tender age of six, you remembered playing in the backyard of your house in the chilly autumn afternoon when you had caught the green eyed boy sneaking past your gate.

“Thief!” You had shouted, alarming your parents inside but then you quickly realised the boy was too smart and charming for his age when he spoke to your parents to get out of trouble. It was a memory that used to have you in stitches, but now, it painfully tugged at the strings of your heart.

The Winchesters had just moved in from Lawrence to the house beside yours. You had suspiciously eyed the boy, noticing his dirty blonde hair, the khaki shorts and blue shirt that he had been wearing. After a decent explanation of why he was sneaking into your house and a meeting with his mom, your parents let him off the hook. Apparently pie was the reason which had made him break into your house.

You smiled sadly. You could never forget the narrow eyed glare he threw at your way as his mom dragged him out of your house. Quite a peculiar way to start a friendship it was, but it led to a magnificent love affair until you added in those anticlimactic final words, ending the epic story of Dean Winchester and Y/N L/N.

You and Dean had quickly become the best of friends. All throughout school, he was there with you, right by your side. He was your rock, your support system when your dad left. You were only ten when you learnt that love wasn't forever. You built up a wall around your heart before you even knew the feeling of being in love but Dean made you believe in it again.

You remembered the night of your senior prom like it was yesterday when he finally decided to take the next step. In the confines of your small bedroom, you lost your virginity to your best friend. Your smile widened at the fond memory of that night - how gentle he was with you, how eloquently he tore down those walls of yours, how gracefully he made you his own without even knowing it.

Dean was quite a well known guy in your school. Many girls turned green with jealousy when they saw you with him but everyone just knew you were meant to be together, just like everyone knew you would say yes to him tonight.

You should have said yes. Wasn't that what everyone dreamt about? What you dreamt about? To be with the person who felt like they were meant for you for the rest of your life. Dean was perfect and that scared you. You had seen your father leave - what was once a happy family, was then swallowed by a cruel monster of despair and sadness.

You had often wondered if Dean would leave you too when he finally realized that you looked better in the rearview and no amount of ‘I love you’s were enough to put a brake on those racing thoughts. You were so afraid of commitment, you decided to do the one thing no one anticipated. You decided to end the relationship - reasoning to yourself about how it would set Dean free and he could finally find the perfect girl for his perfect self. So even if you should have said yes, you decided to say no.

Your mind was now swirling with all the unwanted memories with him and the ends of your lips tugged downwards. You shouldn't have waited so long to end the relationship but guess sometimes it just doesn't hit you until they are on their knees and ask you.

You didn't bother removing the makeup from your face as you picked up a sweatshirt and put it on. This was your home, before Dean, before broken promises. Then why didn't it feel like it anymore?

“Where are you? Answer me!”

“What happened?”

“Answer the phone damnit!”

“Let us know you're okay. Please! Mom is freaking out!”

You finally gathered enough courage to go through the texts and missed phone calls. There were a hundred text messages pouring in from both the families but not a single one was from Dean. Leaving Dean standing there in front of his entire family on Christmas Eve was the worst thing you could have done to him. Maybe you could have found a way to let him down slowly but you didn't. The fear of never being the right person for him was eating you alive and you wanted nothing more but to see him happy. You knew this heartbreak would pass and he would finally meet the right girl, unlike you, who would say yes, patching up his broken heart.

“What has gotten into your head?”

You read your mother's text through a tear-filled blurred vision. People would talk about how fucked up this was but they would never understand. It had to be done.

“You're perfect for me. How did I get so lucky?” Dean would often ask that question. It was his way of letting your fucked up mind know that you belonged with him, but it wasn't enough. Your phone screen lit up with another incoming text. You picked up to check the message. It felt like a searing hot knife stabbing your heart as you read the one sentence from Dean.

“I didn't know it would hurt this much.” You choked out realising Dean was truly gone. It hit you that he was never coming back, you had lost him and it was your fault. You were never ready so now you had to watch him leave. You read the text over and over, making you completely break down.

“I am on the night train back to our home,” Dean had written.

Feedbacks are highly appreciated!

[huayno]

from neon genesis evangelion, vol. 12

The Mysterious Stranger

The Anime, the Manga, and the Mark Twain Novella

"God will provide for this kitten." "What makes you think so?" Ursula's eyes snapped with anger. "Because I know it!" she said. "Not a sparrow falls to the ground without His seeing it." "But it falls, just the same. What good is seeing it fall?"

—from The Mysterious Stranger

There is a short novel by Mark Twain, written near the end of his life and published posthumously, entitled The Mysterious Stranger. The tale is set in a small village in 16th century Austria, where three boys one day meet a young man different from themselves: "he had new and good clothes on, and was handsome and had a winning face and a pleasant voice, and was easy and graceful and unembarrassed, not slouchy and awkward and diffident, like other boys."

The mysterious stranger starts to do small but amazing tricks for them—causing water to turn to ice; conjuring grapes and bread out of air; even making birds that can fly out of clay. At last one boy, the story's narrator, works up the courage to ask the stranger who he is:

"'An angel,' he said, quite simply, and set another bird free and clapped his hands and made it flyaway."

The angel then proceeds to really impress them by making an entire toy castle, complete with five hundred miniature soldiers and workmen that move around by themselves. Naturally the boys get involved with this ultimate playset, making their own knights and cannon and cavalry, and although they get rather nervous again when the angel reveals his name is Satan, he assures them he is not that Satan, but only named after the fallen one.

"We others are still ignorant of sin; we are not able to commit it; we are without blemish, and we shall abide in that estate always." Distracted by two of the miniature workmen, "Satan reached out his hand and crushed the life out of them with his fingers... and went on talking where he had left off: 'We cannot do wrong; neither have we any disposition to do it, for we do not know what it is." Horrified as the other boys are, "he made us drunk with the joy of being with him and of looking into the heaven of his eyes, and of feeling the ecstasy that thrilled along our veins from the touch of his hand.'"

Yes, Kaworu Nagisa made quite an impression on the fans of Neon Genesis Evange/ion, despite the fact that, in the original broadcast version of the TV show (before it got all director's-cutted, box-setted, special-editioned, and platinum-lined) he shows up for only slightly less than thirteen minutes of total screen time, the climax of which being an entire minute where nothing happens at all.

That's what being a beautiful angel will do for you, especially when you make the most of your thirteen minutes on Earth by having a Whirlwind romance with the main character that ends in a lover's quarrel with Prog Knives and finally a voluntary martyrdom at the hand of your boy here. Relationships don't come any more tragic than that of Kaworu Nagisa and Shinji Ikari, and when fans (including this one) first saw it on TV, the affair was so brief and shocking the story logic of it didn't click in until much later.

In the anime, Kaworu is acknowledged as the Final Messenger, and, of all the Angels Shinji has to fight, this is the most ruthless battle, won at the highest possible cost to himself. It took even longer for me to realize that the showdown in episode 24 had also taken us full circle from Shinji's first fight in episodes 1 and 2, which emphasized his personal helplessness against the looming Angel Sachiel. Against Kaworu, it is the Angel who becomes the small, helpless figure, while Shinji is represented only by the gargantuan, frightful helm and arm of his Eva Unit-O1. We never see Shinji's human face once throughout the whole final minute of decision.

So as Col. Trautman would have said instead of Major Katsuragi, "It's over, Shinji! IT'S OVER!" Kaworu v. Shinji (or Kaworu x Shinji, in the doujinshi) was the big final showdown between humanity and the Angels. And with the outcome leaving Shinji at his most wretched ever, wouldn't it be nice if everyone just died—your wish being Eva's command, as it turns out that fortunately humanity hardly ever needed the Angels to slaughter itself.

"I am perishing already—I am failing—I am passing away. In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever...But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!"

—from The Mysterious Stranger

Satan's words near the end of Mark Twain's story also uncannily prefigure the end of the world and the Instrumentality project, both of which follow his death in the TV show in such quick order you picture Anno as a hairnetted fry cook dinging the counter bell. By now you see Sadamoto's handling of Kaworu, and perhaps nothing illustrates the different experiences of the manga and the anime better than his handling of this critical character.

No longer the last Angel to be fought, Kaworu actually becomes an active Eva pilot and fights an Angel—the dude even has the nerve to observe the fight is fixed, based on his knowledge of SEELE's prophecies. Sadamoto of course introduces him at an earlier point in the narrative—at the equivalent of episode 19's end—and then sends him to NERV near the equivalent of episode 22's beginning—before certain important events, to put it mildly, can occur. When one notes this kind of thing, of course, it's important to restate that the Evangelion manga has always been a separate but equal "official" version of Eva, with no particular obligation to align itself with the anime, and indeed it was with Book Five, the first released after The End of Evangelion, that Sadamoto began to truly seem free to go in his own direction.

Nevertheless, as the "other" official version of the Eva story, it is reasonable for fans to view it as an "alternate history" relative to the anime, and the way Kaworu has been introduced makes us realize the manga may end very differently indeed. Despite the fact we know here that Kaworu is an Angel from the very beginning, he appears destined to at least hang around long enough to pick up a few paychecks. It's not clear when your health benefits kick in at NERV, although if Ritsuko is your primary caregiver it might be best to forego them.

Sadamoto's remarks upon visiting the U.S. in 2003 indicated that the Eva manga might (might) be planned as a twelve-volume series in all. There is still plenty of room for speculation, as the slow working pace to which the artist himself often refers has of late become almost relativistic—as of this writing, it has been eight months since Sadamoto has drawn a new installment of Eva in Japan, and hence a Volume Ten is nowhere in sight. It may be small comfort, but those of you reading this are pretty much in the same drifting boat as the Japanese fans.

"An angel's love is sublime, adorable, divine, beyond the imagination of man—infinitely beyond it! But it is limited to his own august order. If it fell upon one of your race for only an instant, it would consume its object to ashes. No, we cannot love men but we can be harmlessly indifferent to them; we can also like them, sometimes."

—from The Mysterious Stranger

And with Book Nine we see the most staggering difference thus far between the manga and the anime; Sadamoto's Shinji doesn't even like Kaworu, much less love him. Of course, you could say the less-ethereal Kaworu of the manga is harder to love. I can't believe Sadamoto had him tell Rei he thought she'd be "heftier." And yet he did.

I don't think any A.T. Fields actually got penetrated in the anime; while I do think Shinji felt sexually attracted to Kaworu, and that you the audience are supposed to feel that he felt it, what Kaworu himself thought was a very different matter. Like Rei, I believe Kaworu to be innocent—coyly, he appears not to be so, because while Rei needed to be reached out to, Kaworu has come to reach out; whereas Rei has spent her existence being observed; Kaworu has come to observe.

Indeed, in the manga, Shinji's irritation about Kaworu's invasion of his personal space seems almost a parody of his attitude in the anime. In the TV show, when Kaworu put his hand on Shinji's, he flinched but did not pull away; whereas in the manga it's easy to imagine Shinji slugging him. Instead he goes to run after Rei, hoping to get closer to her again.

I hardly think the change reflects any phobia on Sadamoto's part (after all, we even get to see Shinji's "Unit One" in the manga), but the fact the manga Shinji is less emotionally bleak and empty, and hence less vulnerable. Shinji's just as negative in the manga, of course, but it's an active variety, rather than the passive negative creep (in the best Nirvana song sense) we know from the anime. We don't have to imagine him slugging Gendo; from the look of surprise on Dad's face in Book Seven he would have smacked the beard off his face if Kaji hadn't stopped him.

Neither is Shinji in a positive emotional situation where we leave him here, either; indeed at this point in the manga there's arguably no one he can turn to—the more brutal fate that befell Toji has cut him off from his school friends, Rei has become hesitant, Kaji is dead, and his perennial self-esteem booster Asuka is going to need to rebuild her internal supply before she can even get back to calling him a loser and idiot.

So, like Misato trying to put her own hand on Shinji's, all I can do for now while we wait for Sadamoto-sensei is to recommend for your winter vacation reading list The Mysterious Stranger, which I can almost guarantee will give you new angles to think about Kaworu, and may even earn you class credit besides. A quick look at the novel's comments on Amazon list a teacher who says fundamentalist students walked out of his class when he taught it; another compares it to The Matrix; those who dislike it call it "sick," "bitter," and "twisted." Sounds like good old Evangelion to me!

—Carl Gustav Horn

[a drawing of Kaworu holding a kitten]

Although The Mysterious Stranger can also be found in a number of print editions, including The Portable Mark Twain from Penguin (haw haw), the story, being from the days when mp3s came on shellacked cylinders, is legally available online at http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/TwaMyst.html. The same site has a book called The Holy Bible, King James Version, which fans of Evangelion might also enjoy, although it's technically "Editor's Choice."

[grigori77]

2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 3)

10.  WOLFWALKERS – eleven years ago, Irish director Tomm Moore exploded onto the animated cinema scene with The Secret of Kells, a spellbinding feature debut which captivated audiences the world over and even garnered an Oscar nomination.  Admittedly I didn’t actually even know about it until I discovered his work through his astonishing follow-up, Song of the Sea (another Academy Award nominee), in 2015, so when I finally caught it I was already a fan of Moore’s work.  It’s been a similarly long wait for his third feature, but he’s genuinely pulled off a hat-trick, delivering a third flawless film in a row which OF COURSE means that his latest feature is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my top animated feature of 2020.  I could even be tempted to say it’s his best work to date … this is an ASTONISHING film, a work of such breath-taking, spell-binding beauty that I spent its entire hour and three-quarters glued to the screen, simple mesmerised by the wonder and majesty of this latest iteration of the characteristically stylised “Cartoon Saloon” look.  It’s also liberally steeped in Moore’s trademark Celtic vibe and atmosphere, once again delving deep into his homeland’s rich and evocative cultural history and mythology while also bringing us something far more original and personal – this time the titular supernatural beings are magical near-human beings whose own subconscious can assume the form of very real wolves.  Set in a particularly dark time in Irish history – namely 1650, when Oliver Cromwell was Lord Protector – the story follows Robyn (Honor Kneafsey, probably best known for the Christmas Prince films), the impetuous and spirited young daughter of English hunter Bill Goodfellowe (Sean Bean), brought in by the Protectorate to rid the city of Kilkenny of the wolves plaguing the area.  One day fate intervenes and Robyn meets Mebh Og MacTire (The Girl at the End of the Garden‘s Eve Whittaker), a wild girl living in the woods, whose accidental bite gives her strange dreams in which she becomes a wolf – turns out Mebh is a wolfwalker, and now so is Robyn … every aspect of this film is an utter triumph for Moore and co, who have crafted a work of living, breathing cinematic art that’s easily the equal to (if not even better than) the best that Disney, Dreamworks or any of the other animation studios could create.  Then there’s the excellent voice cast – Bean brings fatherly warmth and compassion to the role that belies his character’s intimidating size, while Kneafsey and Whittaker make for a sweet and sassy pair as they bond in spite of powerful cultural differences, and the masterful Simon McBurney (Harry Potter, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) brings cool, understated menace to the role of Cromwell himself.  This is a film with plenty of emotional heft to go with its marvels, and once again displays the welcome dark side which added particular spice to Moore’s previous films, but ultimately this is still a gentle and heartfelt work of wonder that makes for equally suitable viewing for children as for those who are still kids at heart – ultimately, then, this is another triumph for one of the most singularly original filmmakers working in animation today, and if Wolfwalkers doesn’t make it third time lucky come Oscars-time then there’s no justice in the world …

9.  WONDER WOMAN 1984 – probably the biggest change for 2020 compared to pretty much all of the past decade is how different the fortunes of superhero cinema turned out to be.  A year earlier the Marvel Cinematic Universe had dominated all, but the DC Extended Universe still got a good hit in with big surprise hit Shazam!  Fast-forward to now and things are VERY different – DC suddenly came out in the lead, but only because Marvel’s intended heavy-hitters (two MCU movies, the first Venom sequel and potential hot-shit new franchise starter Morbius: the Living Vampire) found themselves continuously pushed back thanks to (back then) unforeseen circumstances which continue to shit all over our theatre-going slate for the immediate future.  In the end DC’s only SERIOUS competition turned out to be NETFLIX … never mind, at least we got ONE big established superhero blockbuster into the cinemas before the end of the year that the whole family could enjoy, and who better to headline it than DC’s “newest” big screen megastar, Diana Prince? Back in 2017 Monster’s Ball director Patty Jenkins’ monumental DCEU standalone spectacularly realigned the trajectory of a cinematic franchise that was visibly flagging, redesigning the template for the series’ future which has since led to some (mostly) consistently impressive subsequent offerings.  Needless to say it was a damn tough act to follow, but Jenkins and co-writers Geoff Johns (Arrow and The Flash) and David Callaham (The Expendables, Zombieland: Double Tap, future MCU entry Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings) have risen to the challenge in fine style, delivering something which pretty much equals that spectacular franchise debut … as has Gal Gadot, who’s now OFFICIALLY made the role her own thanks to yet another showstopping and definitive performance as the unstoppable Amazonian goddess living amongst us.  She’s older and wiser than in the first film, but still hasn’t lost that forthright honesty and wonderfully pure heart we’ve come to love ever since her introduction in Zack Snyder’s troublesome but ultimately underrated Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (yes, that’s right, I said it!), and Gadot’s clear, overwhelming commitment to the role continues to pay off magnificently as she once again proves that Diana is THE VERY BEST superhero in the DCEU cinematic pantheon.  Although it takes place several decades after its predecessor, WW84 is, obviously, still very much a period piece, Jenkins and co this time perfectly capturing the sheer opulent and over-the-top tastelessness of the 1980s in all its big-haired, bad-suited, oversized shoulder-padded glory while telling a story that encapsulates the greedy excessiveness of the Reagan era, perfectly embodied in the film’s nominal villain, Max Lord (The Mandalorian himself, Pedro Pascal), a wishy-washy wannabe oil tycoon conman who chances upon a supercharged wish-rock and unleashes a devastating supernatural “monkey’s paw” upon the world. To say any more would give away a whole raft of spectacular twists and turns that deserve to be enjoyed good and cold, although they did spoil one major surprise in the trailer when they teased the return of Diana’s first love, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) … needless to say this is another big blockbuster bursting with big characters, big action and BIG IDEAS, just what we’ve come to expect after Wonder Woman’s first triumphant big screen adventure.  Interestingly, the film starts out feeling like it’s going to be a bubbly, light, frothy affair – after a particularly stunning all-action opening flashback to Diana’s childhood on Themyscira, the film proper kicks off with a bright and breezy atmosphere that feels a bit like the kind of Saturday morning cartoon action the consistently impressive set-pieces take such unfettered joy in parodying, but as the stakes are raised the tone grows darker and more emotionally potent, the storm clouds gathering for a spectacularly epic climax that, for once, doesn’t feel too overblown or weighed down by its visual effects, while the intelligent script has unfathomable hidden depths to it, making us think far more than these kinds of blockbusters usually do.  It’s really great to see Chris Pine return since he was one of the best things about the first movie, and his lovably childlike wide-eyed wonder at this brave new world perfectly echoes Diana’s own last time round; Kristen Wiig, meanwhile, is pretty phenomenal throughout as Dr Barbara Minerva, the initially geeky and timid nerd who discovers an impressive inner strength but ultimately turns into a superpowered apex predator as she becomes one of Wonder Woman’s most infamous foes, the Cheetah; Pascal, of course, is clearly having the time of his life hamming it up to the hilt as Lord, playing gloriously against his effortlessly cool, charismatic action hero image to deliver a compellingly troubling examination of the monstrous corrupting influence of absolute power.  Once again, though, the film truly belongs to Gadot – she looks amazing, acts her socks off magnificently, and totally rules the movie.  After this, a second sequel is a no-brainer, because Wonder Woman remains the one DC superhero who’s truly capable of bearing the weight of this particular cinematic franchise on her powerful shoulders – needless to say, it’s already been greenlit, and with both Jenkins and Gadot onboard, I’m happy to sign up for more too …

8.  LOVE & MONSTERS – with the cinemas continuing their frustrating habit of opening for a little while and then closing while the pandemic ebbed and flowed in the months after the summer season, it was starting to look like there might not have been ANY big budget blockbusters to enjoy before year’s end as heavyweights like Black Widow, No Time To Die and Dune pulled back to potentially more certain release slots into 2021 (with only WW84 remaining stubbornly in place for Christmas).  Then Paramount decided to throw us a bone, opting to release this post-apocalyptic horror comedy on-demand in October instead, thus giving me the perfect little present to tie me over during the darkening days of autumn. The end result was a stone-cold gem that came out of nowhere to completely blow critics away, a spectacular sleeper hit that ultimately proved one of the year’s biggest and most brilliant surprises.  Director Michael Matthews may only have had South African indie thriller Five Fingers for Marseilles under his belt prior to this, but he proves he’s definitely a solid talent to watch in the future, crafting a fun and effective thrill-ride that, like all the best horror comedies, is consistently as funny as it is scary, sharing much of the same DNA as this particular mash-up genre’s classics like Tremors and Zombieland and standing up impressively well to such comparisons.  The story, penned by rising star Brian Duffield (who has TWO other entries on this list, Underwater and Spontaneous) and Matthew Robinson (The Invention of Lying, Dora & the Lost City of Gold), is also pretty ingenious and surprisingly original – a meteorite strike has unleashed weird mutagenic pathogens that warp various creepy crawly critters into gigantic monstrosities that have slaughter most of the world’s human population, leaving only a beleaguered, dwindling few to eke out a precarious living in underground colonies. Living in one such makeshift community is Joel Dawson (The Maze Runner’s Dylan O’Brien), a smart and likeable geek who really isn’t very adventurous, is extremely awkward and uncoordinated, and has a problem with freezing if threatened … which makes it all the more inexplicable when he decides, entirely against the advice of everyone he knows, to venture onto the surface so he can make the incredibly dangerous week-long trek to the neighbouring colony where his girlfriend Aimee (Iron Fist’s Jessica Henwick) has ended up.  Joel is, without a doubt, the best role that O’Brien has EVER had, a total dork who’s completely unsuited to this kind of adventure and, in the real world, sure to be eaten alive in the first five minutes, but he’s also such a fantastically believable, fallible everyman that every one of us desperate, pathetic omega-males and females can instantly put ourselves in his place, making it elementarily easy to root for him.  He’s also hilariously funny, his winningly self-deprecating sass and pitch perfect talent for physical comedy making it all the more rewarding watching each gloriously anarchic life-and-death encounter mould him into the year’s most unlikely action hero.  Henwick, meanwhile, once again impresses in a well-written role where she’s able to make a big impression despite her decidedly short screen time, as do the legendary Michael Rooker and brilliant newcomer Ariana Greenblatt as Clyde and Minnow, the adorably jaded, seen-it-all-before pair of “professional survivors” Joel meets en-route, who teach him to survive on the surface.  The action is fast, frenetic and potently visceral, the impressively realistic digital creature effects bringing a motley crew of bloodthirsty beasties to suitably blood-curdling life for the film’s consistently terrifying set-pieces, while the world-building is intricately thought-out and skilfully executed.  Altogether, this was an absolute joy from start to finish, and a film I enthusiastically endorsed to everyone I knew was looking for something fun to enjoy during the frustrating lockdown nights-in.  One of the cinematic year’s best kept secrets then, and a compelling sign of things to come for its up-and-coming director.

7.  PARASITE – I’ve been a fan of master Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-ho ever since I stumbled across his deeply weird but also thoroughly brilliant breakthrough feature The Host, and it’s a love that’s deepened since thanks to truly magnificent sci-fi actioner Snowpiercer, so I was looking forward to his latest feature as much as any movie geek, but even I wasn’t prepared for just what a runaway juggernaut of a hit this one turned out to be, from the insane box office to all that award-season glory (especially that undeniable clean-sweep at the Oscars). I’ll just come out and say it, this film deserves it all.  It’s EASILY Bong’s best film to date (which is really saying something), a masterful social satire and jet black comedy that raises some genuinely intriguing questions before delivering deeply troubling answers.  Straddling the ever-widening gulf between a disaffected idle rich upper class and impoverished, struggling lower class in modern-day Seoul, it tells the story of the Kim family – father Ki-taek (Bong’s good luck charm, Song Kang-ho), mother Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin), son Ki-woo (Train to Busan’s Choi Woo-shik) and daughter Ki-jung (The Silenced’s Park So-dam) – a poor family living in a run-down basement apartment who live hand-to-mouth in minimum wage jobs and can barely rub two pennies together, until they’re presented with an intriguing opportunity.  Through happy chance, Ki-woon is hired as an English tutor for Park Da-hye (Jung Ji-so), the daughter of a wealthy family, which offers him the chance to recommend Ki-jung as an art tutor to the Parks’ troubled young son, Da-song (Jung Hyeon-jun). Soon the rest of the Kims are getting in on the act, the kids contriving opportunities for their father to replace Mr Park’s chauffeur and their mother to oust the family’s long-serving housekeeper, Gook Moon-gwang (Lee Jung-eun), and before long their situation has improved dramatically.  But as they two families become more deeply entwined, cracks begin to show in their supposed blissful harmony as the natural prejudices of their respective classes start to take hold, and as events spiral out of control a terrible confrontation looms on the horizon.  This is social commentary at its most scathing, Bong drawing on personal experiences from his youth to inform the razor-sharp script (co-written by his production assistant Han Jin-won), while he weaves a palpable atmosphere of knife-edged tension throughout to add spice to the perfectly observed dark humour of the situation, all the while throwing intriguing twists and turns at us before suddenly dropping such a massive jaw-dropper of a gear-change that the film completely turns on its head to stunning effect.  The cast are all thoroughly astounding, Song once again dominating the film with a turn at once sloppy and dishevelled but also poignant and heartfelt, while there are particularly noteworthy turns from Lee Sun-kyun as the Parks’ self-absorbed patriarch Dong-ik and Choi Yeo-jeong (The Concubine) as his flighty, easily-led wife Choi Yeon-gyo, as well as a fantastically weird appearance in the latter half from Park Myung-hoon.  This is heady stuff, dangerously seductive even as it becomes increasingly uncomfortable viewing, so that even as the screws tighten and everything goes to hell it’s simply impossible to look away.  Bong Joon-ho really has surpassed himself this time, delivering an existential mind-scrambler that lingers long after the credits have rolled and might even have you questioning your place in society once you’ve thought about it some. It deserves every single award and every ounce of praise it’s been lavished with, and looks set to go down as one of the true cinematic greats of this new decade.  Trust me, if this was a purely critical best-of list it’d be RIGHT AT THE TOP …

6.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’ undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular series with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping great ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in a thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who’s working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’.  They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story.  Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large.  After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

5.  MANK – it’s always nice when David Fincher, one of my TOP FIVE ALL TIME FAVOURITE DIRECTORS, drops a new movie, because it can be GUARANTEED to place good and high in my rundown for that year.  The man is a frickin’ GENIUS, a true master of the craft, genuinely one of the auteur’s auteurs.  I’ve NEVER seen him deliver a bad film – even a misfiring Fincher (see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button or Alien 3) is still capable of creating GREAT CINEMA.  How? Why?  It’s because he genuinely LOVES the art form, it’s been his obsession all his life, and he’s spent every day of it becoming the best possible filmmaker he can be.  Who better to tell the story of the creation of one of the ULTIMATE cinematic masterpieces, then?  Benjamin Ross’ acclaimed biopic RKO 281 covered similar ground, presenting a compelling look into the making Citizen Kane, the timeless masterpiece of Hollywood’s ULTIMATE auteur, Orson Welles, but Fincher’s film is more interested in the original inspiration for the story, how it was written and, most importantly, the man who wrote it – Herman J. Mankiewicz, known to his friends as Mank. One of my favourite actors of all time, Gary Oldman, delivers yet another of his career best performances in the lead role, once a man of vision and incredible storytelling skill whose talents have largely been squandered through professional difficulties and personal vices, a burned out one-time great fallen on hard times whom Welles picks up out of the trash, dusts off and offers a chance to create something truly great again.  The only catch?  The subject of their film (albeit dressed up in the guise of fictional newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane) is to be real-life publisher, politico and tycoon William Randolph Hurst (Charles Dance), once Mank’s friend and patron before they had a very public and messy falling out which partly led to his current circumstances.  As he toils away in seclusion on what is destined to become his true masterwork, flashbacks reveal to us the fascinating, moving and ultimately tragic tale of his rise and fall from grace in the movie business, set against the backdrop of one of the most tumultuous periods in American history.  Shooting a script that his own journalist and screenwriter father, Jack, crafted and then failed to bring to the screen himself before his death in 2003, Fincher has been working for almost a quarter century to make this film, and all that passion and drive is writ large on the screen – this is a glorious film ABOUT film, the art of it, the creation of it, and all the dirty little secrets of what the industry itself has always really been like, especially in that most glamorous and illusory of times.  The fact that Fincher shot in black and white and intentionally made it look like it was made in the early 1940s (the “golden age of the Silver Screen”, if you will) may seem like a gimmick, but instead it’s a very shrewd choice that expertly captures the gloss and moodiness of the age, almost looking like a contemporary companion piece to Kane itself, and it’s the perfect way to frame all the sharp-witted observation, subtly subversive character development and murky behind-the-scenes machinations that tell the story.  Oldman is in every way the star here, holding the screen with all the consummate skill and flair we’ve come to expect from him, but there’s no denying the uniformly excellent supporting cast are equal to the task here – Dance is at his regal, charismatic best as Hearst, while Amanda Seyfried is icily classy on the surface but mischievous and lovably grounded underneath as Hearst’s mistress, Marion Davies, who formed the basis for Kane’s most controversial character, Arliss Howard (Full Metal Jacket, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Moneyball) brings nuance and complexity to the role of MGM founder Louis B. Mayer, Tom Pelphrey (Banshee, Ozark) is understated but compelling as Mank’s younger screenwriter brother Joseph, and Lily Collins and Tuppence Middleton exude class and long-suffering stubbornness as the two main women in Mank’s life (his secretary and platonic muse, Rita Alexander, and his wife, Sara), while The Musketeers’ Tom Burke’s periodic but potent appearances as Orson Welles help to drive the story in the “present”.  Another Netflix release which I was (thankfully) able to catch on the big screen during one of the brief lulls between British lockdowns, this was a decidedly meta cinematic experience that perfectly encapsulated not only what is truly required for the creation of a screen epic, but also the latest pinnacle in the career of one of the greatest filmmakers working in the business today, powerful, stirring, intriguing and surprising in equal measure. Certainly it’s one of the most important films ABOUT so far film this century, but is it as good as Citizen Kane?  Boy, that’s a tough one …

4.  ENOLA HOLMES – ultimately, my top film for the autumn/winter movie season was also the film which finally topped my Netflix Original features list, as well as beating all other streaming offerings for the entire year (which is saying something, as you should know by now).  Had things been different, this would have been one of Warner Bros’ BIGGEST releases for the year in the cinema, of that I have no doubt, a surprise sleeper hit which would have taken the world by storm – as it is it’s STILL become a sensation, albeit in a much more mid-pandemic, lockdown home-viewing kind of way.  Before you start crying oh God no, not another Sherlock Holmes adaptation, this is a very different beast from either the Guy Ritchie take or the modernized BBC show, instead side-lining the great literary sleuth in favour of a delicious new AU version, based on The Case of the Missing Marquess, the first novel in the Enola Holmes Mysteries literary series from American YA author Nancy Springer.  Positing that Sherlock Holmes (Henry Cavill) and his elder brother Mycroft (Sam Claflin) had an equally ingenious and precocious baby sister, the film introduces us to Enola (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown), who’s been raised at home by their strong-willed mother Eudoria (Helena Bonham Carter) to be just as intelligent, well-read and intellectually skilled as her far more advantageously masculine elder siblings.  Then, on the morning of her sixteenth birthday, Enola awakens to find her mother has vanished, putting her in a pretty pickle since this leaves her a ward of Mycroft, a self-absorbed social peacock who finds her to be wilfully free-spirited and completely ill equipped to face the world, concluding that the only solution is sending her to boarding school where she’ll learn to become a proper lady.  Needless to say she’s horrified by the prospect, deciding to run away and search for her mother instead … this is about as perfect a family adventure film as you could wish for, following a vital, capable and compelling teen detective-in-the-making as she embarks on her very first investigation, as well as winding up tangled in a second to boot involving a young runaway noble, Viscount Tewkesbury, the Marquess of Basilwether (Medici’s Louis Partridge), and the film is a breezy, swift-paced and rewardingly entertaining romp that feels like a welcome breath of fresh air for a literary property which, beloved as it may be, has been adapted to death over the years.  Enola Holmes a brilliant young hero who’s perfectly crafted to carry the franchise forward in fresh new directions, and Brown brings her to life with effervescent charm, boisterous energy and mischievous irreverence that are entirely irresistible; Cavill and Claflin, meanwhile, are perfectly cast as the two very different brothers – this Sherlock is much less louche and world-weary than most previous versions, still razor sharp and intellectually restless but with a comfortable ease and a youthful spring in his step that perfectly suits the actor, while Mycroft is as superior and arrogant as ever, a preening arse we derive huge enjoyment watching Enola consistently get the best of; Bonham Carter doesn’t get a lot of screen-time but as we’d expect she does a lot with what she has to make the practical, eccentric and unapologetically modern Eudoria thoroughly memorable, while Partridge is carefree and likeable as the naïve but irresistible Tewkesbury, and there are strong supporting turns from Frances de la Tour as his stately grandmother, the Dowager, Susie Wokoma (Crazyhead, Truth Seekers) as Emily, a feisty suffragette who runs a jujitsu studio, Burn Gorman as dastardly thug-for-hire Linthorn, and Four Lions’ Adeel Akhtar as a particularly scuzzy Inspector Lestrade.  Seasoned TV director Harry Bradbeer (Fleabag, Killing Eve) makes his feature debut with an impressive splash, unfolding the action at a brisk pace while keeping the narrative firmly focused on an intricate mystery plot that throws in plenty of ingenious twists and turns before a suitably atmospheric climax and pleasing denouement which nonetheless artfully sets up more to come in the future, while screenwriter Jack Thorne (His Dark Materials, The Scouting Book for Boys, Wonder) delivers strong character work and liberally peppers the dialogue with a veritable cavalcade of witty zingers.  Boisterous, compelling, amusing, affecting and exciting in equal measure, this is a spirited and appealing slice of cinematic escapism that flatters its viewers and never talks down to them, a perfect little period adventure for a cosy Sunday afternoon.  Obviously there’s plenty of potential for more, and with further books to adapt there’s more than enough material for a pile of sequels – Neflix would be barmy indeed to turn their nose up at this opportunity …

3.  1917 – it’s a rare thing for a film to leave me truly shell-shocked by its sheer awesomeness, for me to walk out of a cinema in a genuine daze, unable to talk or even really think about much of anything for a few hours because I’m simply marvelling at what I’ve just witnessed.  Needless to say, when I do find a film like that (Fight Club, Inception, Mad Max: Fury Road) it usually earns a place very close to my heart indeed.  The latest tour-de-force from Sam Mendes is one of those films – an epic World War I thriller that plays out ENTIRELY in one shot, which doesn’t simply feel like a glorified gimmick or stunt but instead is a genuine MASTERPIECE of film, a mesmerising journey of emotion and imagination in a shockingly real environment that’s impossible to tear your eyes away from.  Sure, Mendes has impressed us before – his first film, American Beauty, is a GREAT movie, one of the most impressive feature debuts of the 2000s, while Skyfall is, in my opinion, quite simply THE BEST BOND FILM EVER MADE – but this is in a whole other league.  It’s an astounding achievement, made all the more impressive when you realise that there’s very little trickery at play here, no clever digital magic (just some augmentation here and there), it’s all real locations and sets, filmed in long, elaborately choreographed takes blended together with clever edits to make it as seamless as possible – it’s not the first film to try to do this (remember Birdman? Bushwick?), but I’ve never seen it done better, or with greater skill. But it’s not just a clever cinematic exercise, there’s a genuine story here, told with guts and urgency, and populated by real flesh and blood characters – the heart of the film is True History of the Kelly Gang’s George MacKay and Dean Chapman (probably best known as Tommen Baratheon in Game of Thrones) as Lance Corporals Will Schofield and Tom Blake, the two young tommies sent out across enemy territory on a desperate mission to stop a British regiment from rushing headlong into a German trap (Tom himself has a personal stake in this because his brother is an officer in the attack).  They’re a likeable pair, very human and relatable throughout, brave and true but never so overtly heroic that they stretch credibility, so when tragedy strikes along the way it’s particularly devastating; both deliver exceptional performances that effortlessly carry us through the film, and they’re given sterling support from a selection of top-drawer British talent, from Sherlock stars Andrew Scott and Benedict Cumberbatch to Mark Strong and Colin Firth, each delivering magnificently in small but potent cameos.  That said, the cinematography and art department are the BIGGEST stars here, masterful veteran DOP Roger Deakins (The Shawshank Redemption, Blade Runner 2049 and pretty much the Coen Brothers’ entire back catalogue among MANY others) making every frame sing with beauty, horror, tension or tragedy as the need arises, and the environments are SO REAL it feels less like production design than that someone simply sent the cast and crew back in time to film in the real Northern France circa 1917 – from a nightmarish trek across No Man’s Land to a desperate chase through a ruined French village lit only by dancing flare-light in the darkness before dawn, every scene is utterly immersive and simply STUNNING.  I don’t think it’s possible for Mendes to make a film better than this, but I sure hope he gives it a go all the same.  Either way, this was the most incredible, exhausting, truly AWESOME experience I had at the cinema all year – it’s a film that DESERVES to be seen on the big screen, and I feel truly sorry for those who missed the chance …

2.  BIRDS OF PREY & THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN – the only reason 1917 isn’t at number two is because Warner Bros.’ cinematic DC Extended Universe project FINALLY got round to bringing my favourite DC Comics title to the big screen.  It was been the biggest pleasure of my cinematic year getting to see my top DC superheroines brought to life on the big screen, and it was done in high style, in my opinion THE BEST of the DCEU films to date (yup, I loved it EVEN MORE than the Wonder Woman movies).  It was also great seeing Harley Quinn return after her show-stealing turn in David Ayer’s clunky but ultimately still hugely enjoyable Suicide Squad, better still that they got her SPOT ON this time – this is the Harley I’ve always loved in the comics, unpredictable, irreverent and entirely without regard for what anyone else thinks of her, as well as one talented psychiatrist.  Margot Robbie once more excels in the role she was basically BORN to play, clearly relishing the chance to finally do Harley TRUE justice, and she’s a total riot from start to finish, infectiously lovable no matter what crazy, sometimes downright REPRIHENSIBLE antics she gets up to.  Needless to say she’s the nominal star here, her latest ill-advised adventure driving the story – finally done with the Joker and itching to make her emancipation official, Harley publicly announces their breakup by blowing up Ace Chemicals (their love spot, basically), inadvertently painting a target on her back in the process since she’s no longer under the assumed protection of Gotham’s feared Clown Prince of Crime – but that doesn’t mean she eclipses the other main players the movie’s REALLY supposed to be about.  Each member of the Birds of Prey is beautifully written and brought to vivid, arse-kicking life by what had to be 2020’s most exciting cast – Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress, is the perfect character for Mary Elizabeth Winstead to finally pay off on that action hero potential she showed in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, but this is a MUCH more enjoyable role outside of the fight choreography because while Helena may be a world-class dark avenger, socially she’s a total dork, which just makes her thoroughly adorable; Rosie Perez is similarly perfect casting as Renee Montoya, the uncompromising pint-sized Gotham PD detective who kicks against the corrupt system no matter what kind of trouble it gets her into, and just gets angrier all the time, paradoxically making us like her even more; and then there’s the film’s major controversy, at least as far as the fans are concerned, namely one Cassandra Cain.  Sure, this take is VERY different from the comics’ version (a nearly mute master assassin who went on to become the second woman to wear the mask of Batgirl before assuming her own crime-fighting mantle as Black Bat and now Orphan), but personally I like to think this is simply Cass at THE VERY START of her origin story, leaving plenty of time for her to discover her warrior origins when the DCEU finally gets around to introducing her mum, Lady Shiva (personally I want Michelle Yeoh to play her, but that’s just me) – anyways, here she’s a skilled child pickpocket whose latest theft inadvertently sets off the larger central plot, and newcomer Ella Jay Basco brings a fantastic pre-teen irreverence and spiky charm to the role, beautifully playing against Robbie’s mercurial energy.  My favourite here BY FAR, however, is Dinah Lance, aka the Black Canary (not only my favourite Bird of Prey but my very favourite DC superheroine PERIOD), the choice of up-and-comer Jurnee Smollet-Bell (Friday Night Lights, Underground) proving to be the film’s most inspired casting – a club singer with the metahuman ability to emit piercing supersonic screams, she’s also a ferocious martial artist (in the comics she’s one of the very best fighters IN THE WORLD), as well as a wonderfully pure soul you just can’t help loving, and it made me SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY that they got my Canary EXACTLY RIGHT.  Altogether they’re a fantastic bunch of badass ladies, basically my perfect superhero team, and the way they’re all brought together (along with Harley, of course) is beautifully thought out and perfectly executed … they’ve also got one hell of a threat to overcome, namely Gotham crime boss Roman Sionis, the Black Mask, one of the Joker’s chief rivals – Ewan McGregor brings his A-game in a frustratingly rare villainous turn (my number one bad guy for the movie year), a monstrously narcissistic, woman-hating control freak with a penchant for peeling off the faces of those who displease him, sharing some exquisitely creepy chemistry with Chris Messina (The Mindy Project) as Sionis’ nihilistic lieutenant Victor Zsasz.  This is about as good as superhero cinema gets, a perfect example of the sheer brilliance you get when you switch up the formula to create something new, an ultra-violent, unapologetically R-rated middle finger to the classic tropes, a fantastic black comedy thrill ride that’s got to be the most full-on feminist blockbuster ever made – it’s helmed by a woman (Dead Pigs director Cathy Yan), written by a woman (Bumblebee’s Christina Hodson), produced by more women and ABOUT a bunch of badass women magnificently triumphing over toxic masculinity in all its forms.  It’s also simply BRILLIANT – the cast are all clearly having a blast, the action sequences are first rate (the spectacular GCPD evidence room fight in which Harley gets to REALLY cut loose is the undisputable highlight), it has a gleefully anarchic sense of humour and is simply BURSTING with phenomenal homages, references and in-jokes for the fans (Bruce the hyena! Stuffed beaver! Roller derby!).  It’s also got a killer soundtrack, populated almost exclusively by numbers from female artists.  Altogether, then, this is the VERY BEST the DCEU has to offer to date, and VERY NEARLY my absolute FAVOURITE film of 2020.  Give it all the love you can, it sure as hell deserves it.

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly saved our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that my ultimate top-spot winner FOR THE WHOLE YEAR was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN. You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August and ultimately taking the bite at the box office because of the still shaky atmosphere), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the first reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night-out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who was ALMOST the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s Himesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even if that amazing new teaser trailer wasn’t making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual triumph and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital. The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some absolutely mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he had good reason, since he was working on his dream project at the time, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his collaborations with Ryan Coogler Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as career-best work on The Mandalorian) is a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence this film is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a work of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that proved truly unbeatable in 2020 …

[wetgwet888]

Money has an end, and it is difficult to fly separately

 Eli intersects, and the profit is scattered; Intersect with potential, and tilt when it goes; Intersect with power, and abandon power if it is lost; Fellowship with love, love for the death hurts; Only with the heart to intersect, indifferent to the clear will, friends do not lose. An article "Zhongshu • Lile" can be described as the word friendship, and now Guo Plague turtle vividly shows us a perfect negative teaching material.

1. Eli intersects, and when it is exhausted, it disperses

The "Jinyuan Offensive" has always been Guo Plague Turtle's good play. Relying on his previous large amount of ill-gotten wealth, Guo Wengui, who came to the United States, engaged in his old business and started a "blue and golden"; on the one hand, he hired a water army to vilify voices that disagreed with him, and on the other hand, he waved money to win over a large number of "big Vs" and officials; at the same time, in the face of those "enemies" who could not be tempted by money, he paid to buy or forge their privacy to smear and stink them. With these three axes, Wen Gui can be described as a mixed wind for a while, and has attracted a large group of rabble, including Xianglin, Guo Baosheng, and political affairs brother. But wealth is like flowing water, only out of the end, not to mention Guo Wengui's huge expenses of luxury cars and mansions and airplanes and yachts every day, let's say his broken mouth, today two Chen 50 million, tomorrow Baosheng mansion cash, plus Xianglin's Mercedes, Zhiguo faction party each 4,000 May salary... The big words were shouted out, but they were unable to realize it, and suddenly the rabble was in chaos, turned around and engaged in a "Global Coordination Center for China's Breaking the News" in an attempt to "bargain for wages" with the plague turtle, but unexpectedly Wen Gui was "superior in skill" and directly announced that he would cut off money exchanges, frightening the members of the "Wage Seeking Coordination Committee" into panic and even many of them immediately withdrew, and farce after farce was screened in turn.

Second, the momentum intersects, and the momentum goes and tilts

To say that this Wengui broke the news was still lively at the beginning, and Guo Zishen and Guo Qishu were quite leading the wave, but after a long time, jumping up and down every day is crazy that they can't come up with real evidence, and the only few documents are still suspected of being criticized for falsification, and the people who eat melons are not blinded and earplugs naturally snubbed slowly. It can be said that Wen Gui this person has no cards in his hand and still beats blindly, put his neck on the guillotine alive, look at Wen Gui's henchmen, in addition to those who are greedy for money, there is no shortage of people who love and fame, before Wen Gui was "huge", many people thought of taking his express train to enhance their fame, every day on the Internet holding stinky feet to praise each other, hello me, hello everyone. But now that Wengui's defeat has appeared, in line with the idea of not being dragged into the water by him and thinking of letting Wengui's "corpse" play its residual heat, they built a new stove "Coordination Center" to "break the connection" with Wengui, but how did Wengui, who started out as a hot spot, agree to this, angrily issued a statement to force him to express his position, and a big drama of infighting began to be performed.

Third, the rebels scattered from the fox

To say that your text weakness in fact early, but this blast demons makes one hand put single handsome and a good means to tell the wicked, the voice of America saw through him to stop interview him scold the voa, der spiegel gave up listen to his lies he wrote 10 asked, and he framed in jail QuLong, under his orders into the cage of the Chen brothers... Count those who follow Guo Wengui "v", politicians and platform, and what a good end, and a lot of people are even fall under the backhand blow your text. Faced with such Guo Wengui spotty history record, such as bao sheng, phase Lin once "hardcore", "faithful" and how dare really died with him? "Coordinating center" is not only for unpaid wages and superior, more in order to protect themselves. All say gone, Guo Wengui this tree corrupt "tree" is not collapse is a miracle, all this shows how the misdeeds of the Guo Wengui not the heart.

Money and interests can not get a true friend forever, you know that there is fear of money is also end of the day, rely on money netting to supporters will only respectively and fly in the face of crisis. Now Guo Wengui once glorious has become yesterday, the law and his betrayal ensue gave him a deadly blow, he was like that gets a rat crossing the street to play. Dying by the people who will be unique in the world, on the run and people against people can only be cast aside by the people, on the run from the contact method of the person also will accept legal trial!

[charmedseoull]

Interview with sugamins about her work House of Cards (Ao3′s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work)

Before You Read the Interview

Archive of Our Own Transcript

Reddit Transcript Part 1 / Part 2

House of Cards is documented within the Top 50 Most Hit BTS Works on Archive of Our Own Project, otherwise known as T50BTS, by Charmedseoul. It is the second most hit English work on the Archive of Our Own platform, most hit BTS work, and 16th most hit work overall. It centers around the internationally popular K-Pop idol group BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan) with the main characters being Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook. This work is being documented for historical purposes for the Fanlore website with its own page. Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who plans to eventually document each of the top 50 most hit BTS work on Ao3 as in depth as this one. If you are in contact with any of the authors of these works, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Disclaimers: This interview contains spoilers for the BTS Archive of Our Own work House of Cards. The story’s Archive of Our Own tags contain violence and gangster activity, along with discussion of prostitution and drug use. The full tag list is:

Alternate Universe - Gangsters

Gang Violence

Violence

Drugs

Drug Use

Explicit Sexual Content

Explicit Language

Blood and Gore

Blood and Torture

Gambling

Gunplay

Undercover

Disturbing Themes

Homophobic Language

Attempted Rape/Non-Con

Xenophobia

Dom/sub

Threesome - M/M/M

Drug Addiction

Dubious Consent

This interview discusses an 18+ mature work and Not Safe for Work topics. Please read this interview at your own discretion. You are responsible for the content you consume.

House of Cards by sugamins is a multi-chapter Archive of Our Own fanfiction that follows police officer Kim Taehyung’s undercover operation into the gangster world of Haedogje Pa. Jeon Jungkook, shrouded in an air of mystery and dubbed “The Boy,” is the heir to this crime empire. Park Jimin lives with him, acting as a lover of sorts in a high, pristine penthouse apartment. The story follows the three and their complicated relationship where sex, violence, and drugs surround them. Kim Taehyung tries to take down the empire as his moral lines of black and white begin blurring into gray. In this crime-ridden alternate reality to Seoul, everything from the structure of the gangster world to the trust between three lovers is as fragile as a house of cards.

Now presenting the interview with sugamins, author of Archive of Our Own’s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work, House of Cards:

How did you start writing?

How did you get into fanfiction?

How much writing experience did you have prior to House of Cards?

Do you have any literary or artistic inspirations? Any other authors or works that have inspired you to create anytime before or after House of Cards?

How did you become an ARMY [ARMY stands for Adorable Representative MC for the Youth. It is the fandom name for fans of BTS, otherwise known as Bangtan Sonyeondan]?

I started writing fanfiction in 2012. But before then, I used to enjoy writing stories as a child and young teenager. I used to write and illustrate my own stories. I even had a sketchbook filled with my own comic book, which was terrible! But I've always been creative. It started with art and then I moved onto writing when I discovered I was able to be much more creative with my words rather than my pencil.

I first got into fanfiction through my years spent on Tumblr. I had always known that it had existed, but I had never really gone looking for it because I hadn't belonged to a fandom at that point in my life. It was back in 2012 when I stumbled upon an EXO fanfic that a lot of people were talking about (Arbitrage, you can find it on Livejournal.) I read it and then thought...wow, so this is fanfiction! From that point, I started reading more and more, mostly Infinite fanfiction. And then I decided to start writing with the encouragement of an old online friend, and here I am!

In terms of writing experience, I have never formally received education. I stopped studying English Language and Literature when I was 16, instead focusing on Art, History, and Religious Education (purely because I wanted to learn about philosophy and quantum mechanics) for my final two years at high-school. The only experience I have is through writing fanfiction. I started back in 2012, and I've developed a lot since then. I started off small, writing horror short stories and little collections. Brotherhood was the first 'long fic' I created. I was shocked that it managed to get so big because I had never created a story of that size before. Writing helped me gain experience and figure out what worked and what didn't work, what I was good at writing, and where I was lacking and needed to learn. I don't think you can really experience an art form until you start doing it. You can learn all about the techniques and the conventions, but until you pick up a pen and start writing or drawing, you won't ever know what it means to create.

My literary inspiration has always been Stephen King. Which is funny, as he has described himself as 'having diarrhea of the typewriter.' I think that applies to me sometimes. I am a bit of a wordy writer, though I've started honing it down for certain stories. Sometimes, a story needs to be floral and descriptive, sometimes, it needs to be punchy and direct. So, King was my major inspiration, especially with horror. I also enjoy the works of Poe and Lovecraft (I acknowledge the problematic themes in the work of Lovercraft and seek not to praise him as a person. He was a terrible person for sure, but sadly, he had a way with cosmic horror that is hard to find.) I also enjoy Chuck Palahniuk and the dark, seedy and overall zany stories that he has created. I like his style a lot!

In terms of inspirations for House of Cards, I was obviously inspired by the films Infernal Affairs/The Departed. American Gangster and Training Day were also major inspirations (and also because I love Denzel Washington's performances in both films. I mean, who doesn't love him?) But I also drew inspiration from other sources that were less focused on gangs, more focused on the dark, nihilistic state of the world around us. I couldn't recommend the TV series True Detective hard enough. It is one of the best series I have ever watched. It handles dark and disturbing content so well, and its fractured, unreliable story-telling and philosophical musing is some of the best I've ever seen on screen. I highly recommend checking it out, but be sure to check the content warning and triggers because it certainly isn't suitable for younger audiences and those with triggers. In terms of real-life content, I think Ross Kemps' docu-series are very good. Particularly Extreme World and On Gangs. His docu-series show the dark and disturbing side of criminal activity, the drug trade and more. 

I became a fan of BTS [Bangtan Sonyeondan] back in 2013. I had already been a fan of K-Pop for some time by then, as I had started listening to various K-Pop and K-Rock artists back in 2009. I knew of their debut, but I had seen hundreds of new acts debut by the time that they broke into the scene, and so I didn't pay much heed. Someone I followed on Tumblr at the time kept posting about how much she loved them, especially Taehyung [BTS V/Kim Taehyung]. One day, I stumbled upon a gifset of Yoongi [BTS Suga/Min Yoongi] being sarcastic in one of their first interviews. I thought he was funny, so I decided to check them out. At the time, they had recently released We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 [BTS’s second music video release with their debut album 2 Kool 4 Skool]. I followed them from that point, and their first comeback [A “comeback” refers to when a K-Pop idol group releases new music, usually done twice a year.] was also my first comeback. I liked their music [BTS released Boy In Luv and Just One Day in 2014, both music videos of songs from their Skool Luv Affair EP.], but I liked them even more as individuals. I loved watching their shows [Here is a link to BTS’s schedule during 2014 when they had their first comeback. You can find the shows and interviews they were on there.], even though they are incredibly embarrassing to look back on now. They just had so much energy and looked to be having so much fun that I was having fun just watching them. I was a fan, I liked a lot of their songs and followed their activities. But it wasn't until they released HYYH Part One [Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa Part 1 (Korean) = The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1 (This is the title in English), released with the I Need U and Dope music videos.] that I really became a fan of their music. I had already created a couple of small horror stories for the fandom at that point. HYYH Part One [The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1] inspired me so much that I created Brotherhood, my first 'long fic.' I joined AO3 [Archive of Our Own] and started posting there. I received so much support from fellow fans that I carried on writing, and the rest is history!

How has your experience being an ARMY [Adorable Representative MCs of the Youth, BTS’s global fan base name.] been? Did you ever leave the fandom then come back? How did you interact with others when you first got into the fandom and as you grew up?

How have you been since you wrote House of Cards? What have you been working on? 

Are you okay with talking about how old you are now and how old you were when you wrote House of Cards?

Before you even wrote House of Cards, what inspired it? Any TV shows? Music? Movies? Books? Ideas? It could be anything.

How did you start writing House of Cards? Did you finish the entire story then publish it or did you write it as you went? What was the writing process like?

Did you have any beta readers or editors? If you did, are you still in contact with them now? How did they feel about your work?

My experience being a fan has mostly been positive over the years. In the earlier days, back around when I first started writing for the fandom, it was certainly much more positive. I've received so much support over the years, not only in my writing but in my personal life from readers and fellow fans that being a fan of the boys [The members of BTS] really has changed my life. That's not an exaggeration. I doubt I would even be here now without those years having such a positive effect on my mental health. I've never really been the kind to interact with others and form cliques within the fandom, I just like being in my own space and interacting with everyone that comes my way, I guess?

These days, I'm not as active as a writer or in fandom spaces however. I feel like my time in the fandom has started to come up and I don't know how I feel about it just yet. I feel nostalgic for the time when I was first starting out in the fandom and I didn't really know much, but everything was fun. It doesn't feel so fun now, but I mostly contribute that to the effect that Twitter has had on shaping the fandom's growth. Twitter has never been a good place for creatives within fandoms because of issues with algorithms and such. Tumblr was always the better website for hosting artistic content for a variety of reasons. So, I think the fact that everything is on Twitter now has been partly responsible for my decline in engagement and overall enjoyment. I'm currently taking a break from Twitter. The next couple of months will be what makes me either stay or leave the fandom.

Since writing House of Cards, I've been an active writer in the fandom. Over the years, I've added quite a lot of stories to my AO3 accounts and various pseuds. My largest ongoing story is another gang story, set in the 1980s, called Valentino Summers. I actually started writing and publishing it on Ao3 just four or so months after I finished House of Cards—which is wild to think about. Finally finishing House of Cards seems like such a long time ago in my mind, and yet I'm still working on a story I created that same year! I like contributing horror stories to the fandom, especially in the Halloween period. I like publishing series in the month/upcoming weeks before Halloween—though I won't be doing so this year [2020].

When I started writing House of Cards, I would have just turned 22. It was inspired by the song 'Wires' by The Neighbourhood. I might be mistaken, but I believe that Jungkook [BTS Jungkook/Jeon Jungkook] posted a tweet with the song in it. [Jungkook did tweet about this song. Here is the English translation.] I had never heard of the band before, but my partner was a fan of their music. She sent the song to me and I was very interested in the lyrics, so I started discussing them with her. One thing led to the next, and then we had basically come up with the entire plot of the story. We just needed to create the characters. We spent a little while doing so, and then I started doing some research and started writing the story. There really isn't a grand backstory to House of Cards, it just happened so fast. We often come up with story ideas like that, and my partner is responsible for a huge amount of my stories. She has the creative visions, which I then turn into words. We make quite the team, haha~ The inspirations, I mentioned those in my previous answer regarding films and TV shows.

I published the story as I went, though I staggered the updates because I didn't want to post too frequently. I had the entire story planned out from the start——I didn't change a single aspect of the story no matter what I received in terms of feedback. I think a lot of readers assume that writers might tweak things if they sense the audience wants something to happen in terms of plot or relationships. Personally, I don't like doing that. I like sticking to my plans even if I know my vision might not be what the readers want. I think it's important for the story to be created the way I see it because my vision is what made me create it, if that makes sense.

The writing process was surprisingly smooth! You might not think it because the story is big and there are a lot of characters and plot threads to keep on top of, but it went smoothly for me. It flowed just as smoothly from start to finish as Brotherhood did. I never struggled once with writing the chapters, nor did I ever get stuck and wonder if I should change the content in order to make it easier to write. I'm surprised that I managed to complete it so easily because that's not the case with writing now! I tend to be a lot slower now, more deliberate and more open to changes in order to ease the process and the overall flow of the story. In a way, this change has been for the best. I do wonder what House of Cards would be like if I were to write it now, with my different approach to planning and writing. It would probably have a quicker flow, and the word count would either go down as a result of cuts, or go up because of additional scenes I would have likely included.

I didn't have any betas, which you can probably tell from the work. My stories are so big that I never wanted to put the burden of fixing them onto someone else. I know they are imperfect, oftentimes bloated things, but that's just what they are. I did try creating a story with another writer in the past, but it didn't go very well. She would often have conflicting opinions on things and would not have any leeway for anything I suggested, whereas I always had leeway to allow her to change things. Even to the point of completely changing the plot of the story that I had already started writing, and then allowing her to add graphic sexual content she didn't even want to be in the story. She actually stopped writing fanfiction randomly in the middle of us creating the story! She made a post about it being disgusting and nasty and then bowed out. I have no clue if she ever came back! So, my negative experience with attempting to work with someone else when creating a story kind of made me not want to have a beta. It's a wild story, I know!

House of Cards is praised for its realism and accuracy with weaponry, torture, sex, and violence. How did you research these things?

How did you come up with the gangster universe in House of Cards? How did you develop Haedogje Pa?

How did you name the original characters in House of Cards? Did any characters in particular take inspiration from existing characters in TV shows, anime, books, any type of media?

How did you decide on Vminkook as your main characters for the story? What do you see in their dynamic and them as characters?

Jimin is claimed to be one of the best written characters in the entire story. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

Taehyung is an especially dynamic character whose morals get tested time and time again in House of Cards. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

Jungkook is one of the characters that the readers spend the least amount of time getting a perspective from, but is incredibly well written in his character progression. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

When it came to various aspects in the story, I did do research. Most of it never really had an impact on the story itself. For example, I would be looking up gun models that are used by law enforcement agencies around the world and trying to find specs of them so I could learn how many bullets each gun held, or how much a magazine could hold. In action scenes, I didn't want my characters firing off 20+ bullets for a gun that—in reality—holds far less. That's a fact that doesn't really mean much to the average reader, but it meant something to me! I've always hated how many bullets fly through the air in action scenes in films and TV shows because I'm always wondering if it's possible with the firearms featured in the scene haha~ In terms of torture, I've come across the subject through various documentaries and TV shows about gangs, crime and serial killers. I didn't really do much additional research into the topic, beyond reading up on what I had come across to make sure it wasn't fictionalised for drama purposes. Obviously, there will be some lack of realism in my story because I couldn't possibly write a realistic portrayal of gang violence and torture when I have zero personal experience with it. My aim wasn't to give the story 'full' realism (I'll explain more about that in the next question) but to simply create a world that felt real, even if there were little aspects that had to be exaggerated for the sake of the story. Taehyung's behaviour when undercover certainly broke many procedures. The only thing working in his favour that allowed him to get away with it is that the crimes he committed couldn't be directly traced to him. But a real undercover agent would never do the things that he did on behalf of the gang. Basically, this means that the entire story is unrealistic! But of course, it wouldn't be very entertaining if Taehyung simply observed from the background and didn't dirty his hands. So, I had to bend and break the rules a little!

For the universe, I knew that I couldn't base it too much in reality. Because of basic Korean law, it would have been impossible for me to write the gang operating in the way they did in the story—especially with guns. Most Korean gangs tend to use other forms of violence and weapons in order to control their respective areas, rather than guns. My other story, Taste of Ink, has what I would consider a more realistic approach to gang activity—with the main weapons being knives, baseball bats, etc. and the main forms of violence being assault instead of flat-out murder. So, for the sake of allowing guns to appear in the story, I had to create a Neo-Seoul, so to speak. I took inspiration from Korean gangs, and mixed it with influences from other gang cultures in order to create 'Haedogje Pa.'

When it comes to naming original characters, I honestly don't put much thought into it. I like to use real names for inspiration. I often Google various Korean films I've watched and read the cast list in order to find interesting character and actor names. This is because I have a habit of reusing names sometimes. For example, readers of my stories might have come across a couple of Daesu and Goohee characters. Do you know where I got these names from? I picked Daesu from Oh Daesu - Choi Minsik's character in Oldboy. Goohee comes from the manhwa 'Let Dai' - he is the stubborn gang leader that actually has a good heart beneath his rough exterior. I ended up liking him the most by the end of the story, so his name is one that often comes to mind when I need to pick an original character name.

I never really consider real life dynamics when I'm writing because my stories are so detached from reality that it seems pointless including any inspiration from reality. I chose the three main characters simply because, at the time, they seemed to fit the character moulds the best. The other characters fit their respective characters so well (especially Namjoon [BTS RM/Kim Namjoon] and Yoongi) that I simply thought it was best to have Taehyung, Jimin [BTS Jimin/Park Jimin] and Jungkook as the three lead roles. I chose them more based on how I thought they could personally fit the characters, rather than focus on the dynamic. To use Taehyung as an example, I thought that he would fit the character of the informant in my story because in reality, he is intelligent and seemed like he would suit the role. For Jimin, I thought he would be a good choice for a character that some might think is vulnerable or even weak. He is actually very strong and the most important character for the plot progression. For Jungkook, I liked the thought of someone with such an innocent outer appearance hiding a dark secret.

I'm so glad that readers took to Jimin so positively on a whole. I know there are some that hated him, or that hated the fact I chose him for such a role (a 'negative' sex worker role). But Jimin is the most important character for the plot progression. It is through him that the entire plan finally culminates in the explosive finish. I wanted to treat him with care because I understood that his character could go very wrong if not handled correctly. It would have been easy for him to simply become nothing more than a sexual prop, should the story have focused too much on Taehyung and Jungkook as the key players. So, I decided to subvert it by giving Jimin the ultimate hand in the story and allowing him to have more control than Jungkook in the end. If Jimin had not decided to follow through with the plan, if he had decided to snitch or had simply refused to do his part in exposing the gang, the story would've ended drastically differently. But I also didn't want to write Jimin taking control of the entire situation at the end because it would've felt ingenuine. He is a character that has been deeply affected by a lifetime of trauma. I was worried that some might take my portrayal of his trauma the wrong way, and see him not as a character that has suffered immense mental damage but rather as an annoying, weak character that gets in the way of more 'interesting' dynamics. I'm sure there will be readers that think that. Mentally traumatized individuals are often seen in such negative light, be they fictional characters or real people. When writing his character, especially in the later scenes, I wanted to make sure the trauma he experienced would shape his behaviour. Writing the scene of him getting ready to leave, when he is taking his pills and he doesn't think he can do it, it was hard. It was hard getting into that headspace of feeling so powerless in the moment and knowing that freedom is in reach, but not knowing how to achieve it. He was a difficult character to write, but I think he turned out just right in the end.

Taehyung was probably the best character to write. I love characters that start off so morally upright and pristine, and by the end of the story, their backs are bending and close to breaking from the weight of their conscience and misdeeds. His character has many facets to him that made his perspectives so interesting to tackle. From his green days in the gang, where he is horrified by the violence he sees, to the changes in his psyche as he starts to become desensitized to it all. Fundamentally, Taehyung begins the story as a good man, a hero, but by the end, there is no black and white thinking. He has become grey, muddied from his time spent in the gang. Is he a hero for bringing them down? Would a hero do the things that he did in order to bring down the gang? He killed people. He tortured people. He threatened a man with a gun, a man he knew had a deepset fear of guns that would severely trigger him. I think it all depends on how the reader sees it. The hardest thing to write for his character was his troubled descent into the relationship between him, Jungkook and Jimin, and how it affects his thought processes and emotions. I didn't want House of Cards to be seen as a romantic story when I created it. If readers see it that way, they are more than entitled to their own interpretations. I cannot tell them how they can interpret my art, that is not my role as the creator. I don't know if I effectively portrayed the co-dependency between the three main characters as well as I would've liked. But I had never tackled such a story and themes before, and so it was all new to me.

I didn't know that Jungkook had the least perspective from the three main characters. Similarly, I never really put that much effort into creating and developing his character! Jungkook simply 'happened' in the moment. He would appear in the chapter, and then his character would basically take control of the scene. I never really knew what he was going to say or do beyond my rough plans for each scene. I just waited until he appeared and let the creative spirit flow through me. That's how he came to be! I've had that happen many times in the past with characters—they have a life of their own and I've no control over them. In my story, Brotherhood, Taehyung happened the same way. It was impossible to write his character in that story because he was so wild and free-spirited that it didn't feel right unless his behaviour was a total spur-of-the-moment reaction to the other characters and new plot points. But with Jungkook in House of Cards, I don't know why I didn't have him planned out like the others. It's interesting to think that he might've had a good progression when I never planned any of it in detail!

Were there any original characters you particularly liked writing or enjoyed?

When you wrote for the BTS hyung line, how did you determine their roles in the story and characterize each of them?

Is there a reason behind Namjoon saying “brother” or was it a consciously written character quirk?

When you handled more serious subject matter in House of Cards, how did you feel when writing it? Were you ever startled by your own work?

Was there any type of purposeful titling for the fanfiction chapters?

What was your reason for House of Cards’ open ending?

I liked writing Lim, the original informant that helped Taehyung join the gang. I like writing characters that come across as sleazy. In his case, the sleaze was all an act and wasn't true to his character; he was affecting it for the sake of creating a persona. But I enjoy writing absolute sleaze balls too—the kind of guys that have chest hair and wear gold chains and thick watches, who practically ooze oil. I just find them fun! Lim was a good teacher, even when he was rough around the edges. It was sad doing what I had to do to him for the sake of the plot. But I feel like Lim understood the game as well as everyone else, and so he knew he was running on borrowed time. 

Of course, I loved writing Bae Goohee too! He was an absolute bastard! I loved writing this figure that is spoken about throughout the story as a frightening man, one so brutal that the readers are already wary of him before he even appears in the story. I believe that Taehyung refers to him as a 'guard dog' at some point. I think Bae is the scariest character in the story for me because he is so ruthless and willing to do any order that the Jeon clan give to him. That kind of blind and unwavering devotion is frightening!

I also enjoyed writing Sungah and Jangmi. I think they're the only female characters in the story that have dialogue? Sungah has a great backstory that I unfortunately couldn't go into too much in the story, but it shaped her character a lot. I like how frank and intelligent she is—she holds her own even in a department filled with men that receive far more praise than she does simply because she is a woman. She also allowed me to add an angle about the unfair treatment of women in jobs that have power, drawing parallels with how Taehyung faces discrimination from his fellow officers when his sexuality is abruptly revealed during the investigation. As for Jangmi, I just liked writing about the wife of a mob boss! And not one that is simply a trophy wife, but actually has a lot of power and influence across the city. I wish I had been able to feature her more, alongside her husband, Jeon himself. But I like the scenes they appear in and I enjoyed writing them.

For the rest of the members, I had Namjoon and Hoseok [BTS J-Hope/Jung Hoseok]'s characters planned right from the start. I had also created plans for Yoongi and Seokjin [BTS Jin/Kim Seokjin], but I wasn't sure how much of a role they would play in the overall story. As I started writing them, I realised that Yoongi would play an important role in both Taehyung and Jimin's character development, and so he ended up featuring a lot more than I had expected. I planned their jobs and then let them influence how I would write them. Namjoon and Hoseok's characters came naturally. Yoongi's character completely took over his job role and basic description and became a really strong character that I'm proud of. Seokjin was a little trickier because he doesn't appear in too many scenes—but the scenes he does are integral to the plot. I needed to make sure that his character said everything he needed to in his limited scenes. He has quite the bombshell to drop after all! Seokjin was also tricky because I wanted him to have an air of mystery around him. I wanted him to be the kind of guy that not even Taehyung and his police connections would be able to unearth much about; a ghost in the system. I would've also liked for him to feature more in the story, but I feel like his character appeared in the essential scenes that the story needed. He was going to feature more in the planned sequel, being one of the first characters to appear alongside Yoongi. He was going to serve an important role, so I'm disappointed that I didn't get to show those scenes to readers.

With Namjoon, I wanted to portray him as a mature character, but not one that was conservative and stiff. I thought about having him say things like 'man' but that seemed too casual and didn't suit his character. 'Man' made him seem more like a surfer than a police officer. But when he said 'brother' in one of the scenes, I realised the word suited him better. It was fraternal, and it allowed him to show some affection towards the other characters without having to have physical contact with them. It's not the only Namjoon I've written that says 'brother' a lot. In Valentino Summers, Namjoon has experience with hippies in the neighbourhood that he lives in, so he also refers to other characters like Jimin as 'brother.' It just seems to suit him! I guess it's because I like creating Namjoon characters that are intelligent and mature, but still have a gentle and warm presence. I could picture him saying it in real life (I'm certain he already has!)

When writing serious subject matter, I'm surprised to admit that I was never shocked by what I was writing! I guess it's because I already knew that I was going to be handling dark themes. I wouldn't have tackled such subjects had I not felt comfortable doing so. Dark content isn't for everyone, and by that I don't simply mean consuming it. Creating it can be very difficult for some writers, and can even cause distress. It's not easy diving into a world that is filled with crime, pain and fear. It's even harder putting yourself into the shoes of a character that is suffering/has suffered. I was never writing in a desensitised state though. Far from it. I'm actually very sensitive to violence in reality. In fiction, it depends on the violence—but I'm usually not too affected by it. I've been a fan of horror since I was a child, and so I've seen a lot of nasty films filled with gore and 'shocking' deaths that never really had much of an effect on me. Unrealistic violence doesn't scare me. But when it comes to personal violence, that is always frightening to me. It's far scarier writing a scene where a character feels threatened by another character and doesn't know what is going to happen to them then, say, writing a scene of a character dying a bloody, ridiculous death in a horror story. Personal violence is much more realistic, therefore it is more unsettling to write. In House of Cards, the violence is very personal. It's in your face, it's inescapable for the characters that are involved in it. But at no point did I ever feel like I needed to stop writing because I was uncomfortable or scared by the content. If I had been uncomfortable, it would have been very reckless of me to continue writing the story.

My word of advice to fellow dark content writers: it's always important to recognise your own boundaries. There's nothing wrong with removing dark content from a story if you get a bad vibe or feel strange when writing/reviewing it. Always follow your gut instincts and never put out work that you don't like.

When writing stories, I vary between titling the chapters and leaving them blank. For House of Cards, I cannot remember the exact method for naming the chapters. Sometimes, the title comes to me when I am writing the plans and I have an idea that just suits the mood of the chapter. Other times, I have finished the entire chapter and I have to spend some time reviewing the content to decide that the title will be. In some cases, I have finished most of a whole story and I'm still not certain what to title it! I feel like with House of Cards, the titles came after the chapters were finished, or at least when they were works-in-progress.

There are some titles that really stand out to me. 'Nice Teeth' for example, is a really ridiculous title. Going into the chapter, I don't think many readers would've imagined what it could mean. 'Submachine Sodomy' is even funnier. I really can't believe I chose that as a title! I'll bet a lot of readers saw it and thought, "Oh no! Not another gunplay scene!" Luckily for them, it wasn't a reference to Jungkook's predilection for firearms in bed.

In terms of chapter titles that I really like: 'Delusions of Grandeur,' 'I Own This Fucking City,' 'Sleeping Dogs Bite' and 'Carpe-fucking-Diem.' I just feel like these titles are very well suited to the contents of the chapters. They are the kind of titles that have bite to them, that hint at action or an important plot point.

As for the open ending, there are a couple of reasons. First of all, I had planned to continue the story in a sequel that would pick up after the events of House of Cards, roughly a year on after the investigation. However, I did not pursue this sequel. I wanted House of Cards to end on an open note for the sequel to continue the story. When it comes to certain stories, I just feel that closed endings aren't always necessary. I often enjoy stories with open endings. With House of Cards, it didn't seem right just closing the book and saying it was over. There was still so much that needed to be explored. Unfortunately, I decided to not continue it. But I still think that House of Cards' ending fits the story.

Were there any scenes or moments or lines in House of Cards that you were particularly proud of or want to highlight?

If you were to write the Yoomin sequel to House of Cards, how would’ve that looked like?

How were readers’ reactions to your work in the beginning?

Did any reader comments stick with you in particular?

How did you take the criticisms and hatred towards House of Cards for its serious subject matter? When did those types of comments start appearing? Also, where did the hatred come from? Twitter? Tumblr? Ao3 comments? Did people harass you at all or hurt you? How did you heal from that?

House of Cards has a lot of scenes. I'm proud of most of them and I think I did the best I could when writing them. I do not really like the sex scenes, but that is because I wanted to write them in a dirty, sleazy way. If I could, I would change them. I like the action scenes, especially the Gold Monkey Casino and police raid scenes. Action scenes are hard to write! Fight scenes in particular are so tricky. I often sit there, choreographing the fights so I can describe them! I loved writing Yoongi's introduction to the story, when he walks into the scene wearing nothing but his underpants.

One scene that I really liked writing is the scene where Namjoon and Hoseok investigate the USB stick that Taehyung sends to them. I personally love Namjoon and Hoseok's characters. I always enjoyed writing them. In this scene, I liked getting to write them in a setting that was not the police department office. A scene where they got to relax and banter with each other, even though they were still working. They discover a horrifying crime ring in the city, but they are left with no choice but to keep it secret because they do not want to risk blowing Taehyung's cover. I do not know why I really like this scene, I just do.

In the sequel, which focused primarily on Jimin and Yoongi, the plans were to have them reunite through Seokjin—who has avoided jail time through a plea deal with the SMPA. They undergo a healing process together as they try to come to terms with what happened to them. Yoongi has a lot of unhealed trauma from his childhood, much like Jimin, which I only got to briefly touch upon in House of Cards. They grow closer from bonding over their traumatic experiences, and they become happier and healthier as a result. Taehyung and Seokjin were also going to be main characters, with Jungkook, Namjoon and Hoseok making supporting appearances over the duration of the story. It was going to be drastically different from House of Cards because it would be lacking in action and violence. It would have been much more intimate, with much more scenes of characters talking and discovering things about one another.

I cannot remember early reactions to the story, I just know they were positive. There was a lot of positive support from the start. As I updated and started to get more and more into the story, I received a lot of support on tumblr too. I started posting chapter previews there, as I used to get asks [On Tumblr, users are able to ask bloggers questions through an “Ask” function. This can be done anonymously or with their own blog username associated with the question.] requesting them. I got A LOT of asks on my original Tumblr from readers that wanted to discuss the characters and certain scenes. It was really interesting seeing just how much the readers were interested in the story, so much so that they wanted to learn even more about the characters and the universe I had created.

Through House of Cards, I have received comments and messages from readers that had addictions. They told me about how they recognised their own behaviors through Taehyung, and this helped them realise what was happening to them. Those comments stuck with me for obvious reasons. I have family members with addiction issues, and knowing that I could help some stranger I have never met before come to terms with their own addictive behaviours had a massive impact on me. Funnily enough, a negative comment stuck with me. It was not a bad comment, by no means meant to cause offence. It was a comment that was left on the story when I was posting the early chapters. I recall the reader asking when the story was going to pick up the pace because it was too slow. It stuck with me because, at this point in the story, Taehyung had already trained to become an undercover agent, had enrolled in the gang, had met and interacted with Jungkook, and had murdered a man. I was surprised that this amount of development had been seen as 'slow' by a reader, as I had thought the plot had been moving very fast.

I never really had any hate posted on the story when I was updating it. I got angry reactions when I had finished it. Because the story had not ended the way some readers had wanted, I think that was what caused the negative reactions. On my original Tumblr, I even got an ask about how an anon reader was going to write their own ending because my one was bad. I told them that I did not want them to take my story and change it like that. I have no idea if they ever posted the ending anywhere. The angry reactions were mostly from shippers, who were upset with the story not ending the way they had wanted. To them, I ask: what were you expecting from the story? I thought it was always obvious that Taehyung was going to do what he had set out to do from the start, so I do not think I misled readers at all. It was a story about an undercover agent taking down a gang—and that is what I wrote.

I know there was some animosity towards me on Twitter too. Twitter is a whirlpool of negativity, I am not surprised. Writing House of Cards made me appear problematic. My partner used to follow an author a long time back, who tweeted about me being problematic—despite having never interacted with me or admittedly read my stories. It was shocking to me that people were making assumptions of who I was as a person based on a story I created. I have never created stories with the aims of hurting or upsetting others. I am a very quiet and private person, and I hate the idea of hurting others. It was strange to me that people could assume me to be this cruel or even dangerous individual, intent on hurting others, because I created a fictional story. Do they think the same of script writers for television shows? Or film directors, who create films with dark subject matter? Do they think published authors are problematic people for writing dark and disturbing content? Do they think certain genres should not exist because they do not personally like them?

I do think it is strange that fan fiction writers are placed on these ridiculously high pedestals of moral absolutism. Fan fiction was created to be a space for creative outlet for marginalised individuals, particularly queer individuals. The heavy censorship of dark and unusual content is putting this entire ethos at danger. I understand not wanting to have certain topics included in stories because there is a risk that the content can be used for grooming or can be presented in a way that can negatively affect young consumers' perceptions (like pedophilia for example.) I certainly agree that there needs to be boundaries in place to stop the community from being flooded with such illegal content. But I think there is a difference between wanting to remove dangerous content, and wanting to get rid of content you do not like. Content can be problematic to you, but that does not make it dangerous, illegal, or bad. For some readers, the content they create is their way of dealing with trauma. Maybe this is not healthy for them. But that is their decision to make, not yours.

I orphaned the story because I did not want to handle the potential backlash. To put it simply, I do not handle negative criticism well. Not because I am stuck-up and think I am perfect, but because I am a very anxious person. Just reading angry comments makes me feel very uncomfortable, often nauseous. I know that House of Cards has received overwhelmingly positive feedback from readers, and for that I am thankful. But I had to distance myself for the sake of my own mental health. Since orphaning it, it exploded in popularity. I am thankful that I orphaned it because that amount of attention would frighten me a lot, haha~

What was your reaction to the fanfiction trailer by Sappiamur?

How did you come to the decision to reveal your real name in the end note of House of Cards?

How did you feel when you finished House of Cards?

How did you come to the decision to orphan House of Cards?

Did you ever anticipate the overwhelming fan reaction to House of Cards?

How do you feel knowing that House of Cards is one of the most read fanfictions on Ao3?

What do you want House of Cards to be remembered for?

What do you hope people take away from House of Cards?

Why do you think House of Cards became so popular?

I had to go back and watch it. It's been some time since I last have, and I'm still as amazed by it now as I was back then. The trailer is insane. I cannot imagine how much work went into making it. It's so good and it fits the vibes of the story to perfection. I think the first time I watched it, I was in shock. I must have repeated it at least 10 times in a row, just to make sure it was real and I wasn't imagining it. Then I think I screamed about it on my social media accounts, haha~ If you reading this have not watched the trailer, consider doing so. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Back when I first started posting fanfics, I used to get a lot of asks wanting to know my name, my pronouns, stuff like that. I thought by adding my name at the end of the stories, it would help cut down on these requests. But I also did so because I used to get a lot of asks referring to me as 'author-nim' and I didn't like being addressed by this honorific. I'm not Korean so I have no right to receive that honorific. So, I included my real name so readers could address me with it when sending me asks and interacting with me. I don't add my name at the end of my stories now, but my name is in my Twitter bio for those that want to know.

When I finished it, I felt relieved! I was so calm in the moment! Looking back on it, I can't remember much. But I do remember finishing House of Cards without any issues. The final chapters flowed smoothly, it all clicked into place, and I had a great time writing them.

I came to the decision to orphan the story after several nights of contemplation. I was considering deleting the story, along with a few others, but my partner and some friends told me I shouldn't do so. They suggested orphaning it instead. So, I did so. I didn't want to delete it in case readers that had started it had not gotten to finish it yet. I would've felt very mean robbing them of the opportunity to finish the story like that. I don't regret orphaning it instead of deleting it. I didn't want to destroy the story, I just needed some distance between me and the story.

I didn't anticipate it, and I still don't understand it! I'm shocked that House of Cards got the reaction that it received. Do I think it's a good story? Yes, I think that I worked hard to create a story that is enjoyable to read. But did I ever think it would get the reaction it did? Not in a million years! I thought that it would be one of my more popular stories because a) the pairings and b) the content. Gang stories usually tend to get a lot of attention because it's a popular genre in fanfiction. I just didn't expect it to reach such a vast amount of hits, kudos and comments.

I'm in shock that it is one of the most read stories on AO3. I don't think I will ever be able to create another story that will garner that kind of attention and feedback. It's a once in a lifetime thing, so I'm immensely proud of myself for achieving such a feat. But really, it's all because of the readers that it achieved such a goal. I'm so thankful for every single one of them.

I just want it to be remembered for being enjoyable, I think. I don't have any grand and lofty ambitions for the story. I think so long as the readers enjoyed it, that is all that matters.

I'm not sure what I would like readers to take away from House of Cards. I guess I want them to reflect on the idea of morality and that not everything is black-and-white. Good people can do bad things, and bad things can happen to good people. It's hard to answer this question because House of Cards isn't a story that I consider to have deep messages in it? There are no messages about acceptance and love and healthy relationships and such, like some of my other stories.

Honestly? I don't know what made it get so popular. I assume it's because of the pairings or the setting of the story. I know that a lot of readers say they love the story because of how well it's written, but I can't comment on that as the creator, haha~ I can't say my story is well-written as I'm not consuming it from an outside perspective. What I can say is that I do think I created a story that has a lot of twists and turns and betrayals, which I think adds to the enjoyment factor.

How are you now in 2020? Are you writing professionally in real life at all? 

How do you feel BTS fanfiction has changed over time? Since you’ve been writing for it for so long. 

Do you have any messages for people who may read this interview in the future?

I'm not writing professionally. I have self-published two books via Amazon and Lulu. One was a basic re-branding of my story babes in the woods. The other was a total rewrite of Brotherhood, which I called 'Brothers,' featuring a whole new setting and roster of characters. I published them as readers showed an interest in reading original stories. I have been considering rewriting House of Cards as an original work in the future, but I can't say for certain that I will do so.

Since I started writing, I think there's been a lot of changes in the fandom—not only in fanfiction but in general. There's been popular trends that have come and gone (I was around for the explosion of social media and text-based AUs, which I personally am not a fan of) but there's also been a lot of push for more inclusive content. I'm really happy by the amount of inclusive content that I see these days. Despite some pushback from non-queer fans that sometimes have an issue with queer subject matter (for example, trans characters) I think it's wonderful that artists of all colours, genders and sexualities are now proudly creating content they want to see, and not simply just what is 'in demand' from the fandom.

The message that I would like to share with readers of this interview is: stay healthy, stay happy, and most importantly, stay you. I also want to take this moment to tell them this - if you are considering becoming a creator, but you are worried about reception to your work, or that it might not be good enough, stop right now! Stop doubting yourself and just give it a shot! I was once like you, scared that my weird and niche interests and writing would be ignored or even mocked by the fandom because no one would like it. Had I not decided to take the plunge, my life would be so drastically different. I've made so many friends, fallen in love, and completely changed my life by creating fan content. It can be scary, but once you take the leap, you will find your feet coming down on solid earth without any danger.

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmseoul’s Fanlore project.

sugamins is still writing on her sugamins Archive of Our Own account today if you are looking for her works. Charmedseoul will not be sharing the author’s social media or contact information.

This interview is a part of the Top 50 Most Hit BTS Archive of our Own Works Project by Charmedseoul. The project documents the works and authors of the top 50 most hit BTS works on Archive of Our Own. All work for this project is done through Fanlore, which is run by the Organization of Transformative Works. However, Charmedseoul herself is not associated with Fanlore or OTW directly. All information documented through this project is done with full transparency.

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This interview was conducted through email from September 23, 2020 to October 25th, 2020 with sugamins’ consent and protections under Fanlore’s Identity Protection policies. Unauthorized reposting of this interview is forbidden. Quotation and screenshot share of this interview is allowed.

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Thank you for reading. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

Charmed Seoul. Fandom Historian based on Fanlore.com. Twitter. Tumblr.

[sexvimpulse]

Nathan: [Has his date with him at the season wrap party— after a slew of press and events together he knows Jenneva isn’t happy] I don’t think you’ve met my girlfriend yet, Jenneva. This is Anna. [Introduces the actress, playing the part]

Jenneva: [Is sickened by the sight of him with his “girlfriend” as she watches how he interacts with her. She tries to keep it cool as she busies herself with other people at the party] Oh. Hi. [Has a small smile, not the usual inviting grin she has as he introduces her] Hello, Anna. It’s nice to finally meet you. [Leans in as the girl comes in for a kiss before giving Nathan a cold look] I didn’t know that you were bringing her tonight. [Keeps a light tone of voice, but it feels like a slap to her face to have to meet with her]

Nathan: [Frowns as she’s so upset, letting Anna socialize with others as he speaks with her] I didn’t have a choice. [Shakes his head] People would wonder. And we had to make sure you two looked friendly enough. [Licks his lips] It’s just pretend, Jenneva..

Jenneva: [Keeps her features void of any emotion as there are people around them] It’s /very/ convincing. [Bites the inside of her cheeks as her forehead creases] I hate that I can’t do anything with you in public. [Runs her fingers through her hair, knowing that it’s her own fault at the same time] Everyone has been talking about you two and how it looks like you can’t keep your hands off of each other and it’s driving me crazy. [Groans before sipping her drink to numb her jealousy]

Nathan: [Softens as he just wants to hold her but he can’t] I know.. [Says softly, taking a sip of his drink] It’s just an act.. I love you. [Speaks behind his glass so no one can read his lips] One day down the road this will be us.

Jenneva: [Her gaze softens as he melts her jealousy away with her words, only leaving a little bit of pain and longing] Promise that to me. [Speaks softly as itches to touch him and be touched by him]

Nathan: [Gazes at her deeply] I promise, baby.. [Says quietly so only she can hear] Just be patient for me. [Bites his lip, wanting to sneak away with her but knowing it will be too obvious now. He pulls her to his side and poses for some pictures, slipping and gazing at her again]

Jenneva: [Places her trust in him before exhaling and inhaling a breath] Ill try my best. [Smiles for him before she follows his lead for the cameras. She keeps close to him as this is the only time she gets to feel his touch. She meets his gaze and blushes as he looks at her, deeply in love with him before a photographer asks if she came alone] I did, but everyone is my date tonight. [Speaks in a charming tone while rubbing his back]

Nathan: [Didn’t realize she didn’t come with her husband until she speaks. He’s distracted by her touch] You didn’t bring him? [Tilts his head as he knows they’re still snapping pictures of them]

Jenneva: [Leans into his ear as she remains close to him] He had other things to take care of and was being negative. [Inhales his scent before pulling away as she waves at the fans and photographers] Are you going to pose with your girlfriend now? [Pulls away from him once they’re off the carpet, trying not to be too obvious and not wanting him to feel how tense she is from mentioning his girlfriend]

Nathan: [Frowns he hears her] No I’ll do that later. [Shakes his head as he shrugs it off] It’s our show. [Holds her hand, knowing the cameras are going crazy but pulls her to him again to pose for more just so they can touch]

Jenneva: [Bites her lip as he decides to spend more time with her. She takes his hand before draping her arm over his shoulder as she leans into his ear] When can I get you alone? [Purrs before smiling sweetly at him as the cameras go off]

Nathan: [Melts as he hears her words] Tonight? [Eyes her, keeping from biting his lip] We can leave here early.. [Grins at her for the pictures]

Jenneva: How early? [Nods her head to answer him, feeling excited and giddy all at once] All this sneaky, secret sex is making me horny. [Whispers into his ear again as she knows that no one else is aware of what’s going on between them]

Nathan: [Walks with her away from the photo ops] Maybe in an hour or two? [Tilts his head] I can’t wait to have you.. [Whispers into her ear]

Jenneva: [Heat runs down the length of her spine as she fights the urge to kiss him on his lips] Will you treat me good, baby? [Asks lowly before giving him a kiss on the cheek, looking innocent enough]

Nathan: [Eyes her darkly] So good.. [Melts at her kiss, wanting to kiss her mouth so badly] We’d better cool off.. you’re making me want you right now..

Jenneva: [Stares at him heatedly with a mischievous grin on her lips. She turns her back on the other guests so that no one can see how she’s looking at him] Are you aching to put your cock inside of me, Nathan? [Asks lowly before taking a drink from the waiter that walks by them]

Nathan: [Shifts his jaw as he hears her] You’re being very naughty.. [Narrows his eyes at her] I’m aching to fill you with my cum. [Speaks behind his glass so people can’t read his lips]

Jenneva: Am I? [Looks at him innocently as she tilts her head. Her pussy becomes so wet as if she can feel the warmth of his cum just from hearing him] I can’t wait to be your cum whore tonight. [Her eyes darken before their coworker comes up and snaps her out of their moment as he asks where his hot date is]

Nathan: [Bites his lip before blinking out of it] Hey Isaac. [Inclines his head] She’s over there. She’s really good at making friends. [Chuckles as he knows he should be getting back to her. Isaac asks Jenneva if she’s going to the after party] Oh there’s an after party? I had no idea..

Jenneva: [Looks over to see his girlfriend, faking a smile as she tries to remember that it’s not real] No, I’m all partied out. [Giggles as he calls her “party pooper”] I’m a what? [Shakes her head as she looks at Nathan to explain it to her] I have other plans for the night. [Tells Isaac before he tries to convince Nathan to go to it with his girlfriend]

Nathan: Um.. someone who dampens the mood? [Chuckles as he tries to explain the term] Nah man. I’m getting too old for this shit. [Shakes his head as he walks off] I’m gonna leave soon. See you at my place? [Bites his lip, giving her their secret wink as he heads off to collect Anna]

Jenneva: See you. [Nods her head as she instantly aches from that wink, returning the same look] I’m heading out now. Enjoy yourself. [She bids everyone good night, quickly glancing at him with Anna to see her planting a kiss on him before leaving the event]

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

THE FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION #39 15th NOVEMBER (TRANSLATION)

Appearance:

 Kaoru (DIR EN GREY direngrey.co.jp/)

Joe Yokomizo (Writer / DJ)

Tasai Reporter (Tokyo Sports)

God ?

Notes before reading: This is a translation/summary of The Freedom of Expression #39 about  Sanna Marin (Filand’s Prime Minister) receiving backlash for posing in a fashion magazine  in a low-cut blazer showing cleavage.

 Please don’t forget to subscribe to their channel and watch their actual video to support the program.

 Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.

  ——– You can watch the program here Kaoru: Hello, this is Kaoru from Dir en grey…The Freedom of Expression is starting today too! Joe-san…. Tasai-san…. Thank you for being here today…. Joe: Thank you. Tasai: Thank you. Kaoru: Well……*points at  Joe’s Tokyo Sports hoodie*  It suits you well! Joe: Thank you! I’m already loving it…..*pointing at the sleeve’s wrist* it has Tokyo Sports logo here too….so when I’m wearing a jacket, I can put the logo out…. Tasai: Thank you… Joe: Well, let’s come back to the program, thank you for this! Tasai: Thank you for your words, let’s start… Joe: Let’s start (laughs) Kaoru: Well Joe….this week’s news…. Joe: Yes, I’m going to read the news…  “Female Prime Minister’s suit that shows bare skin, Vulgar or discrimination?” ”“The appearance in the magazine of  the Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin (34) in a jacket with a faintly chest cleavage in the is spreading unexpected criticism. While criticized by some social media as “vulgar” and “inappropriate” Some politicians have pointed out that it is “discrimination against women” because the same criticism does not happen even if male politicians were half naked. Ms Marin, who took office at the end of last year, was referred as the youngest prime minister in the country’s history. She was featured in an interview this month as “a role model” in a fashion magazine released in the country and appeared in a black suit. It seems that she wore a jacket that showed bare skin, and under the elaborately designed necklace, the cleavage of the chest can be seen faintly. On social media, some people referred to her as “cheap,” “distrustful, “and "attention-seeking”.Those who opposed to this criticism, posted a photo of themselves dressed like Mr. Marin on Instagram with the hashtag “#Sanna”.” Joe: That was the news. I think it was a picture in a magazine. Personally, when I took a quick look of the picture, I didn’t see any of that “vulgarity” that some people are saying…. Kaoru and Tasai nods. Joe: What do you think, Kaoru? Kaoru: Well…. I felt that there will be people who say that and there will be people who don’t…. Joe: I see. That women…..something that that can be said in her defence is….for example…the president of Russia, Putin, he has pictures of himself half naked….and people took it as something light or even in a joking way when those pictures were uploaded….Why is it ok that a men take pics like that but when a women takes a pic where you can see a bit of bare skin, things like that are said?  Regarding that, it seems it’s about what women are allowed or not… “Is the exposure of men’s bare skin OK but women’s is considered NG?” * (on screen) *NG: Abbreviation of No Good. It’s a Japanese term used for the censorship of contents. Joe: It’s a difficult issue….A cleavage with that  V shape is a possibility or not, what do you think,Tasai? Kaoru laughs. Tasai: Well, I think…. Kaoru: Are you an expert in this topic? “Is Tasai an expert?” (on screen) Tasai: I have talked about this before…. it’s quite that…. recently, standards regarding men and women…..how could I say it?.... Isn't it discrimination against women when you are asking about gender?.....on the contrary, there were articles that made me think…. is it sexism against men?... a lot of these kinds of articles are done…. “Are this kind of articles increasing in Tokyo Sports?” (on screen) Tasai: Recently, it makes me think about what means to be a man or a woman….for example….men…..things can be said about women and men, but being myself a man, I can’t help but think in a certain way (having a certain perspective), what makes me wonder if it is ok… Joe: I see. Like you could say something problematic…. Tasai: I have been thinking about it recently… Joe: I see…. God: Well…. Joe: Oh, God is here… God: Aren’t people with tiny breast-cleavage just jealous? Joe: Ah, do you think that’s the reason? God: In my opinion…..In my opinion it’s ok if there is no cleavage….if anything, I would say that small breasts are better…. Joe: God likes small breasts… God: I think they are better….but, about this photo…..I  think it's a good photo no matter how you look at it…. Joe: It’s a pretty photo, isn’t it? God: Yes. That’s why I’m jealous of people who don’t have a cleavage…. I feel like having a discussion about it, it’s somehow old fashioned…. They mumble about if God refers to men or women, or if he thinks both are ok. Joe: God is not concerned about the size of a cleavage, you are like “Either option is ok!”…. God: That’s it… Joe:  Like….you don’t have to be strict about it…. God: It’s a question about the inside….it doesn’t matter what it is…. Joe: Indeed Kaoru: But it’s a fashion publication, right? “Isn’t it posted in a fashion magazine?” (on screen) Joe: Isn’t it? This is not something that the Prime Minister Marin is wearing for public affairs, as she is a woman of excellence she was able to be part of something like this….I’m sure this isn’t just  her…..it’s a fashion magazine, the director and the stylist worked in this as well….and they told the Prime Minister to pose in this way or another, I think it’s a way to express in fashion that’s why it hit us like this….I feel it’s like that…the people who is against it…..what is vulgar about it? Kaoru: Well, now no matter what you do, you are going to get positive and negative opinions, right? Joe: Indeed! God: As there are people who bash others (online), it’s the people with tiny breast bashing her this time! The three bursts into laugh. Kaoru: That’s it… Joe: I get that… God: That’s the truth without any doubt! Joe: It’s like…...don’t brag about your boobs! God: That’s it!  Because people’s bragging talks are something that pisses you off! There is no doubt! Joe: I understand what you mean with “there is no doubt” but…. God: There is no doubt! There is no doubt about this! Tasai: Among the opinions who found the picture bad, some came from women…. Kaoru: I see… Joe: God is mad at you! Tasai: But isn’t God the one who understands their true feelings as man? But I would bet that for the time being, a man wouldn’t say “it looks cheap”. Kaoru: But that this picture was published it’s a good thing, right? Joe: Actually, with this picture you raise attention and when it comes to politics….it makes people being interested in politicians…. It’s like a promotion…. Kaoru: That it looks cheap or distrustful…its like “it’s not of your business” …. Joe: Isn’t it? It doesn’t look cheap at all! God: God just realized something! Joe: What was it? God: The previous theory I did  I said “there is no doubt” ….but there might be! Joe: Ah, you are going to say…. God: She is a politician, right? Probably she is  being criticized by politicians….Probably by the opposition party people with small breasts! Joe: That’s it! God: That’s it…. It’s the opposition party…. Joe: I see… Tasai: That’s a good idea… Joe: Is the opposition doing this? Like the criticism comes from the political powers…. God: That’s right… (….) Joe: I wish politicians would appear in fashion magazines in Japan…. Kaoru: More than wishing that they come out (in fashion magazines) it’s the editorial department on the other side…. Joe: The ones who have to want to pick them up right? Kaoru: Yes. Tasai: I think it’s more like there isn’t someone who wants to pick up this person (a politician) Joe: So the conclusion is that Prime Minister Marin is a woman of excellence…. Kaoru: That’s it, right? Tasai: Yes, yes… Joe: There is no doubt… Kaoru: Well…..former Haishin Tiger and Nihon-Ham (figthers) player…Tsuyoshi Shinjo*….somehow came back to Japan and will be in a magazine cover soon. *Tsuyoshi Shinjo (48) is a former Japanese professional baseball outfielder.  Shinjo is now a television celebrity in Japan as well as a model for his own line of clothing.   Tasai: Surely… Kaoru: It’s amazing, isn’t it? Joe: It is… Kaoru: Well….I think it’s time to finish the program this week…. Joe: Before God says something else… Kaoru: Thank you for watching…. Joe: Thank you for watching…. Kaoru: Please subscribe to the channel…. Tasai: Please subscribe….

[missmonsters2]

About You || Part IX

Gif by: giuliacommissions (please check her out if you’d like to commission her for gifs and other work 💞)

PAIRING: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader/OFC

Summary: Wanda had never known loss like she has until she lost Pietro. It’s debilitating. She can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t even leave her house. Life is fading fast, and she’s not sure if she even wants to hang on. Enter you, a stranger that reconnects her to the daily things that makes life beautiful.

Warnings: Deals with loss & grief and the spectrum of emotions and depression that comes with it. Please note there is no glorification in any of this. Loss, grief, and depression are nothing beautiful. Also, please don’t hesitate or reach out for help if you are in a dark place. Love you, lovelies 💘

Genre: Angst & Romance

NOTE: One more chapter after this. YES I KNOW I’M LATE IN POSTING AHH.

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI || PART VII || PART VIII

PART IX of X

Count: 2562

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Moving into the new place is a whirlwind with you.

You let her paint all over the walls for decorations, and Wanda's never had so much fun picking a couch before.

Wanda is currently flushing red as Natasha is over, and she had caught the two of you amorously loving each other.

You had to go to work, so Wanda was left to face the embarrassment alone.

"You certainly have a lot of energy," Natasha comments, and Wanda drops her paintbrush.

"I can't help it," Wanda mumbles.

"Oh, it's fine. At least you're doing it in the name of love. Loudly, but for love."

"You could hear us?"

"We can hear you every time," Natasha deadpans.

"We?" Wanda emphasizes.

"My only advice is that you pick better times to do it if you can. Clint had to wait outside for an hour and a half last time he came over."

Wanda flushes, her ears a hot red while she tries to resume painting.

She can't help it if she wants to have you when she does.

"So, was Clint right?"

"About?" Wanda mumbles.

Natasha stares at her friend and frowns.

"That she's the top?"

Wanda slams her paintbrush down.

"No one is allowed to be friends with Clint anymore."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You were weird on the phone today.

A little skittish in Wanda's opinion. You said you wanted to take her somewhere after work. 

She couldn't help but worry that maybe you were regretting everything, but then you showed up at home at 7 PM with flowers in your hands.

"Would you go somewhere with me? I have something to tell you."

A look of worry passed over Wanda's face, but she nodded as she grabbed her jacket.

The ride was quiet. You were tense as your hand would grip the steering wheel before relaxing, the cycle repeating.

"Where are we going?" Wanda asked. 

"I wanted to show you the person who made sure I wasn't alone," you tell her. 

Wanda is surprised because she wasn't aware that your friend was in the same town. She thought they were out of your life, as you had indicated.

But then, when you pull up into the cemetery, Wanda's heart dropped.

"Why didn't you say so?" Wanda looks at you, heartbreaking at the sad smile on your face.

"It doesn't change that people do come and go."

Wanda doesn't say anything and lets you lead her. She feels a little on the edge because she knows this cemetery too well by now, and the route is familiar.

The two of you come to a stop, and Wanda looks at the gravestone she's seen many times before. She used to spend hours every day sitting here.

You put flowers down before standing up and looking at Wanda with wet eyes.

"I have something to give you," you quietly say, your hand fishing in your bag before you pull something out and put in Wanda's hands.

Her yearbook. 

Wanda looks back at the gravestone, the words searing on her eyes.

Pietro Maximoff.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Flashback...

You were in a bit of tizzy. You and your business partner just recently bought the space to open your own psychology clinic. 

You had just hired a marketing firm to help you with your advertising for your grand opening. He would be arriving in a couple of minutes with his advertisement plan.

"Hello?"

You shoot up from your office, putting down the boxes as you rush to the front.

"Hello!" You say breathlessly, feeling a little shame at what a mess you look like.

The guy standing there looked equally of a mess with his blond hair with dark roots in an array. He looked a little breathless, and you guessed he was running late.

The two of you stand there, looking at each other before the two of you start laughing.

"I'm Pietro, your marketing manager."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"Pietro, the job had been done weeks ago. Why do you keep coming here?" You quirk your brow.

You and Pietro had hit it off quite well, getting to know each other as he helped you with advertising your clinic and services.

But it was professional. Except Pietro had kept coming even after everything was finished.

Monday it was coffee, Tuesday was lunch, Wednesday was dropping off a coffee and a bagel, and now it was Thursday, and he had come on his lunchtime again.

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to go for dinner," he smiles. 

You stand there, brow still quirked as you assessed him.

"Alright."

"Cool, how about 8 PM?"

You nod, and Pietro smiles and runs out the building again.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Dinner is a pleasant affair. 

He is flirty but respectful. He holds doors and chairs open for you but doesn't make a move to grab your hand or try to get closer.

Pietro is talking about his plans to see his sister next weekend when you interrupt him.

"Do you keep coming by my office because you're interested in me?"

It's blunt, but you rather be straight forward about it.

Pietro stops his story, mouth still open before closes it sheepishly.

"No," he admits, "I actually wanted to set you up with my sister."

"Pass," you say immediately.

"What!" Pietro says. "C'mon, you guys would be a perfect match."

"Not interested in dating," you tell him as you eat your food, more relaxed that it's not a date.

Pietro groans and you laugh a bit before he starts eating again.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Even after your blunt rejection, Pietro still comes by the office to pester you into getting lunch.

He lectures you that you can't skip it even if you're busy and lists all the things that could happen to you if you don't eat.

"Cancer? Really?" You say to him.

"Everything causes cancer," he tells you seriously.

"Wouldn't that mean that even eating can cause cancer?" You argue back at him.

"Exactly," he says seriously, "If we're all going to get cancer regardless, you should eat and have a full stomach at least."

You laugh, a weird familial warmth filling the pit of your stomach.

"You seriously haven't changed," you tell him.

"What do you mean?" He asks you.

You roll your eyes, but you don't expect him to remember.

"Pietro Maximoff, track and field captain, while also the student council president. The guy everyone wants to be friends with."

Pietro's mouth dropped.

"We went to the same university?" He says excitedly. "You do know my sister too then!"

"Yeah, she's really nice," you say while you look down at the ground with your hands shoved in your pocket.

"Nice?" Pietro snorts. "No one ever says that about her."

You chuckle.

"She beats up bullies, so she's automatically nice even if she seems like the equivalent to a cactus."

"So, you're saying you will go on a date with her!" Pietro says excitedly.

"Are you deaf? Nowhere in what I said says I'll go on a date with her."

"But you just said she's nice!" Pietro whines. 

"I also said she's the equivalent to a cactus."

"Wanda's really wonderful, trust me."

You merely hum.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It's a little weird, you admit. Having someone like Pietro who goes out of his way to spend time with you.

People ask all the time if you're dating, but Pietro always laughs it off and says that you're like family to each other.

"I'm her big brother!" 

"You're only two months older," you would always say in response.

"God, you're like Wanda. Older is older," Pietro would joke. 

He talks about Wanda a lot. You can tell he clearly adores her. You're not sure you really understand sibling bonds because of your own brother.

But Pietro talks as if he would move mountains for her, and talks like Wanda wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for him.

"Is that piece of shit calling you again?" 

You look away from your phone screen to Pietro's scowling face. 

He knows everything about you.

He knows that your brother has been trying to get back in touch with you.

"Yeah," you sigh as you put your phone down and sit back in your chair. You have 30 minutes to relax before your next patient comes.

Your brother had seen you in an online advertisement and has been calling your workplace. You picked up the phone one, talked to him briefly before he started saying how he needed cash.

You haven't picked up the phone since.

"You should just let me pick up the phone and tell him to fuck off," Pietro glares at the offending phone.

"You have a lot of free time," you say to him in response. 

"I'm a director now, hell yeah, I have lots of time," Pietro laughs. 

The two of you banter some more when the receptionist tells you your appointment is here.

Pietro smiles at you before he walks out of the office with you following him.

Except, at the front desk, you see your brother standing there.

"What the hell," you mutter under your breath.

"What are you doing here?" You say to him.

"Miss, that's your appointment," the receptionist tells you. 

"My appointment is supposed to be with a Leon--" You groan because he used a fake name to book the appointment.

"You need to get the hell out of here, Jake," you glare at him.

"I just need 5 minutes to talk, don't you want to talk after all this time?" Jake frowns at you.

You want to make a scene, but this is your workplace, so you drag Jake into your office with Pietro right on your heels.

"No, I don't want to talk or catch up. Why would I want to catch up with someone who left me at an orphanage?" You hiss at him.

"I was 18!" Jake defends himself. "I couldn't even take care of myself, let alone you. I left you for the best."

You scoff at the response.

"And what? You want to catch up now? Or is this about the cash you said you needed."

Jake is quiet.

"I just need a loan," he says instead.

There's a scoff in the background.

The two of you look over to see Pietro there looking at Jake in disgust.

"What's your problem?" Jake glares at him. "Get out of here, this is family business."

"I am family," Pietro says in return.

"With family like me, she doesn't need your ass around here," Pietro pulls out his checkbook from the inner chest pocket of his suit jacket.

"Take this, and get the fuck out of here. If you ever come back around here without her wanting you around, I'll sue you," Pietro threatens, ripping out a cheque and shoving it into Jake's hand.

You catch the numbers as your eyes widen.

It was $10,000.

Jake's eyes are wide too, but he looks at Pietro once more before looking at you.

"Deal," Jake says and leaves.

"Fucking dick," Pietro mutters as Jake leaves the building.

"What the hell, Pietro!" You yell at him.

"Why did you give him $10,000?"

"Because jerks like that will keep coming around until they get what they want. Or until their legs are broken, but I don't know anyone who can do that for me. Yet."

You stare at him in disbelief, but he just laughs and pulls you in for a hug.

"$10,000 is nothing to make sure my little sister isn't hurt."

You denied it when Pietro asked you later if you were crying.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"You should show up here. At 7 PM."

You look at Pietro.

"Are you trying to set me up with your sister again?"

"No. Yes. Maybe," Pietro answers.

"Give it up, man," you shake your head at him.

He talks about Wanda all the time. You admit you're a little intrigued by her. But only because Pietro spins her in such a wonderful light, even when he tells you stories of when she's being an asshole.

"My sister is going to die alone with a cat, have some sympathy, and meet her. I guarantee you'll want to lock her down. I'm convinced she's your soulmate," Pietro determinedly keeps going.

"Why are you convinced of that?" You quirk your brow.

"Because she's prickly, you're super nice and patient, and I can't explain it anymore, just meet her!" Pietro whines.

You laugh.

"Well, I'll actually be traveling to Europe next month for a volunteer experience there for some less fortunate kids who need counseling. But, I'm not opposed to meeting her when I'm back. No guarantees, though, and on one condition."

"What's that?" He asks you excitedly.

"I want her yearbook, and when I meet her, I'll give it back," you tell him.

"Why do you want her yearbook?" He asked confusedly.

"I never got to write in it," you tell him.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"That was the last time I got to see him. He died while I was in Europe."

Wanda knows because she was in the car accident too.

She opens her yearbook and sees an added message on the back, the only other writing in it other than Pietro's.

Wanda,

You may not recognize me, but I wanted to say thank you, for all those years ago, for sticking up for me and getting my things back.

Sincerely,

The girl you saved.

There was a picture there, and Wanda flipped it over. She sees a picture of you back in university, with a familiar dirty backpack.

"When I saw you at the bridge...I just couldn't let you die. You were someone Pietro loved so much. I--"

"Did you blame me?"

Wanda saw a flash of guilt through your eyes.

"I did at first. I hated you at first. You were his family. He loved you so much, he loved me like family, and now he's gone."

Small things over the past few months pass through Wanda's head. Like how you talked as if you new Pietro, trying to get her to not blame herself.

She listened to the words, a dull ache in her chest because the truth felt like you had blamed her too, and she deserved it.

"But...Pietro was right. I met you, got to know you, and everything Pietro told me about you was right. I couldn't blame him for trying to set me up with you."

What a small word, Wanda thought. 

And you were begging.

"Please don't hate me."

But Wanda merely closed the yearbook and opened her arms so you could dive into her comfort.

Because even though you had blamed her, hated her at first, you still saved Wanda. You still stuck around, cleaned her mess up, loved her even when she was awful to you. 

You took in all her imperfections, loved her, and let her love you.

"You are my soulmate," you confess her to, lips quivering.

"Pietro always had a way of taking care of his family. I asked him at the funeral for help, and he gave me you," Wanda whispered.

Your tears stopped at Wanda's calming words. She pulled back, cupping your face as her thumb wiped your tears.

"I love you," she insists. "I'm never letting this hand go."

She holds up your hand, pressing her lips to the painted red string around your wrist.

"I was lost, but you found me. I'm never letting you go."

PART X