#various friends assigned these to me haha

[mythgirlimagines]

see now i'm required (not really) to ask you what the other 7 assigned kin characters are

Lolllll here you go

-komaru (danganronpa)

-toko (danganronpa)

-annabeth (percy jackson)

-faybelle (ever after high)

-yellow (pokespe)

-twilight sparkle (mlp:fim)

-saki (pjsk)

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Y'all wanted the presentation? Here's the presentation. Image descriptions are below the cut!

(technically this wasnt part of the assignment, which was "write an essay and read at least one full page to the class" so the reason why there's those huge blocks of text is because that is taken directly from the essay. i can condense things if I WANT to condense them)

[ID: 15 screenshots of a powerpoint presentation. The text is either white or gray, and the theme is various shades of purple, typically with bubbles of dark/light purple and images.

Slide one: Title reading "Keeper of the Lost Cities: A Love-Hate-Love Relationship, And What It Can Do To Your Psyche" with three images on the side. The first image is a meme of two stick figures, the first saying "kotlc lore is second nature to us rabid fans so it's easy to forget that the average person only knows the average special ability count and one or two vackers", the second figure saying "and valin, of course," and the first saying "of course." with text at the bottom reading "Even when they're trying to compensate for it, experts in anything wildly overcompensate the average person's familiarity with their field." The other two images are of Shannon Messenger, a white woman with blonde hair. The images are captioned "The dastardly mastermind behind it all" and "meet Shannon Messenger".

Slide Two: Title reading "Background" with a block of text and two images. The text reads "In total, the Keeper of The Lost Cities (KOTLC) series has over 7000 pages, split between nine and a half books (Book 8.5 was, uselessly, a novella) with a planned tenth coming in late 2024, and a graphic novel dropping in November. It’s the kind of series that hooks you the same way a fisherman hooks a fish: with a promise of a treat that goes very, very unfulfilled." The top image is the cover of the first keeper of the lost cities book, captioned with "book one of what will soon consume my entire brain for years and years and years" and the bottom image is a fish staring at the top image as if it is a tasty treat, captioned "Poor, innocent little 6th grade me".

Slide Three: A block of text reading "This is to say: KOTLC is a good series, at least at first. It’s certainly been my core obsession for a good (or bad) five years. It’s a hook because you can’t escape once you’ve begun. It’s my own personal brand of heroine, as Edward Cullen might say if Bella were a too-long book series that doesn’t resolve any plotlines or character arcs and instead piles more information on top of worldbuilding until contradictions are more plentiful than the packed main cast." An image of Edward Cullen from twilight is captioned "Me, apparently".

Slide Four: A small caption at the top reads "If the series ever ends you can call me Brant when Jolie asked him to leave the Neverseen the way I will burn down my house and kill everyone I love (haha just a joke to get us going)​" with an image of a huge explosion below it. Text reads, "Basically, KOTLC is a good series, but the idea of recommending it feels like I’d be violating several articles of the Geneva Conventions. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The thought of it ending is an impossibility on the scale of the apocalypse and I hope (I'd rather) the world ends before this series does."

Slide Five: Titled "Queer-Coding in the Lost Cities" with the image of Sophie Foster and Fitz Vacker on the side. Text reads, "The queer-coding doesn't just stem from Sophie’s dedicated denial of both her worth as a human being and her desire to kiss her pretty girl friends. A connection called a “Cognate Bond” is often referred to in the text as the closest two elves can become, emotionally and mentally. Cognates exist when two Telepaths (such as Sophie) have such a deep and unbreakable trust bond that they become more skilled together than they were apart. In creating and maintaining this bond, they have to complete trust exercises and not hold back secrets keeping them from total confidentiality. Sophie’s cognate is her friend (and love interest, and, debatably, ex-boyfriend) Fitz, whose romantic relationship was in a large part focused on their cognate one. Their trust exercises involve staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, having matching rings, and Fitz telling Sophie that she’s the only person he can truly trust. Fitz also asks his father at one point if cognates are allowed to date each other— his father affirms the statement."

Slide Six: Titled "Queer-Coding: Qualden, Tiertice, and such other 🤨🏳️‍🌈 moments​" with the text, "Notably, Alden has the authority to do so since he himself was a cognate, only undergoing a nasty breakup— sorry, only losing the bond after his cognate, Quinlin, kept too many secrets. It’s implied that two other characters were once almost Cognates, only to grow too far apart when one of them, Prentice, has his sanity forcibly shattered and is locked in prison, leaving his (gay lover) best friend, Tiergan (code name Granite), to raise his son. The choice to parallel Fitz/Sophie, Alden/Quinlin, and Tiergan/Prentice was possibly not a conscious one, since Messenger has never attempted to hint at the existence of homosexuality before, but it still resonates with hundreds of queer teen readers who look at the portrayal of utter devotion and trust between two men and think, wow. this is what i see in myself.​" The image is a quote from Neverseen, reading "'What did you give him?' Granite asked, cradling Prentice like a baby. Prentice's head lolled to the side, his body limp and pale." / "Granite held Prentice tighter, whispering, 'It's going to be okay.'"

Slide Seven: Titled "Honorary Errol "I have five identities and they're all the true me" Forkle Mention​". Smaller text below reads "Strut it Magnate "I inspired Loki but don’t even ask about the horse thing" Leto!​" A picture of Mr. Forkle is next to a tumble post by me about Forkle being trans based on the Loki thing. The slide is decorated with several trans flags.

Slide Eight: Titled "Beauty Standards" with text reading "Speaking of things Shannon Messenger did subconsciously, it’s so painfully clear that this series was written by a white American woman that it makes me break out in hives. Messenger establishes very early on in the series that all elves, no matter who they are, are gorgeous in comparison to humans. For some reason that I’m sure has no correlation to Sophie and therefore Messenger’s personal biases (aka Western hetero/cisnormativity and gender roles), every single elven character is slim with clear skin and no glasses. For some reason, beards seem to be impossible for elves to grow naturally, since the only time facial hair ever appears on anyone’s face is when they take an elixir to change their appearance." An image of Sophie with her human family is captioned "Sophie with her ugly nasty disgusting human family apparently​".

Slide Nine: Text reading "Valin is a member of “the drooly boys” who, had they been “human, would’ve been skinny, with acne and braces. Since they were elves, they were fairly good-looking—or they could’ve been if they hadn’t slicked their hair into greasy ponytails” (Messenger KOTLC 170). It seems elves have evolved past the need for brown eyes, acne, crooked teeth, facial hair beyond eyebrows, and variations in body fat—not to mention most other features that make people unique. ​There is indeed a single elf who is fat and even has wrinkles (elves also don’t physically age past 30, fun fact). He alters his appearance with berries that swell his skin, making him the only unique body type besides Sophie’s human family, who are consistently thrown in terrible comparison to her new, movie-star-looking adoptive parents. The berries also make him smell, interestingly enough.​" Images of Councillors Zarina, Terik, and Clarette line the right side of the slide.

Slide Ten: Text reading: "By portraying the elves as the standard for beauty and then removing any pimple, stretch mark, fat roll, body hair, crooked tooth, big nose, or any of the thousands of features that add depth to faces and bodies, Messenger tells us that perfection lies in eliminating all “flaws.” She tells her young readers that they are desirable if they look like Sophie, or Biana, or Keefe—not Stina with her curly hair, or Dex’s too-skinny arms, or Forkle’s large stomach, or my human body.​" The family portrait of the Vackers is also there.

Slide Eleven: Text reading: "Mostly, what defines KOTLC is how it’s interpreted rather than the content itself. I look at Sophie Foster and see parts of myself, but that does not make her me. These characters always feel so painfully real, desperately relatable, as if Messenger cobbled together a main cast from bits of my life, but they are not. In the end, they are just characters. ​In the end, it’s just a series made for middle schoolers, in the same way the sun is just the sun, and the stars are just there to twinkle merrily and not to be explored.​" Sophie on the cover of Exile is also there.

Slide Twelve: Text reading "Literally the day after I finished this presentation a new Marella short story came out in the paperback version of Stellarlune (book 9). This is a quote in the short story:​" with a picture of the short story of Marella being gay about Linh. Also on the slide is "🚨🚨🚨Alert Alert!🚨🚨🚨​" "🤨🤨🤨🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️​" and "Everyone is excited about Marellinh canon but I think she will simply never acknowledge it again.​"

Slide Thirteen: Just the text "Oh, By The Way, This Series Is Off The Walls Insane​"

Slide Fourteen: Text reading "Things that happen in this series: Alicorns have sex and then there is a graphic birth scene (but the Forkle as Loki thing is going too far 🤨)​, Love Interest confesses his feelings by telling Sophie he wants her to be assigned to marry him by the government​, An ogre bodyguard plays matchmaker with her charge and his crush (successfully)​, There's a guy who can sense "potential" except is definitely lying about this​, Villains die so disappointingly. So far we have "hit on head with rock" "smushed by door opened too quickly" "exploded" "fell into evil birthing sauce" (this last one was cool though)​, and A school principal becomes president​" Three tumblr screenshots and memes detailing other things that happen in the book are also there.

Slide Fifteen: THE END. A screenshot captioned with "Credits for the fake book 7 cover go to @/aphelea on tumblr​" shows a canva/booktok style fake cover for Flashback, with a dancing couple, a horse, and the words "he was a boy. she was a horse. could I make it any more obvious?"

/end id]

[astrhoeluvr]

Astrhoe Observations Pt.4 🫂🥰🫶🏻

(HAPPY SAG SEASON AND ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME😘🫶🏻, I’m back with another one for y’all)

Back to 👉🏻 my materialist 👁️🫦👁️.

a lil disclaimer : these are just my personal observations, so don’t take any of them to heart🥳.Some could be applicable to you and some would differ, so take all of them with a grain of salt OKIE! enough of me blabbing let’s get on with it🫶🏻🥰

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦: The house where your mercury sits in could indicate where your sibling played the most crucial/impactful role in your life.

Eg. Mercury in the 7th house could mean meeting your future spouse with the help of your sibling💍💖, Mercury in the 10th house could indicate working with your sibling or maybe your sibling could have some sort of influence over your career!💼✍🏻📑

🤪🥳: Mutable mercury’s and using a shit ton of emojis 🥰😍🤩😈😘🥲🤪👀🌺💴🤑😍 (esp Pisces, Gemini and Sagitiddies😘🫶🏻, Virgo’s are more of the :) , :0, ,-_- kinda emojis yk? Are these even emojis 😭? Or emoticons? Wtv y’all wanna call it🤷🏻‍♀️) fire mercury’s could also fall under this category 🔥💅🏻!

🥵😩: If you have someone’s Mars in your first house, you’d just wanna get it on w them yk😳🫵🏻 *aggressive lip bite* 🫦👀🔥! The physical attraction is palpable😈😵 pshh this is not always a good thing tho😃🙂🤺 but nevertheless a VERY spicy placement🌶️🥵.

☕️😴: I’ve seen a lot of Mutable/Leo and Aquarius placements addicted to caffeine 🤨🤨🧐? Y’all just don’t wanna fall asleep at an appropriate time huh??? YES, I SEE YOU 🫵🏻🧐 IT’s okay you can complete that assignment LATER 📝✍🏻or watch the last episode of a Netflix show the next day!📺💃!! GET SOME SLEEP luvs😴💤

🤥❌: One thing for sure is Y’ALL 👏🏻 CANNOT 👏🏻 LIE 👏🏻 TO 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 MERCURY 👏🏻 IN 👏🏻 SCORPIO 👏🏻 INDIVIDUAL 👏🏻. Even if you try lying straight through your teeth with the utmost of confidence they’d be like “HMMM SOMETHING DOES NOT ADD UP🕵🏻, SEEMS VERY FISHY TO ME🐠🤺” , would definitely look at you like this: 🤨🤨🤨 and will surely find out what sneaky business y’all are up to.👀🧐

📸😀: Okay mercury/neptune/mars - uranus aspects, lemme see your search history real quick📸👀🤨 y’all probably be searching up the most kinkiest/concerning shit😀. My friend has one of these placements and the first thing on his search history was “how do we steal a baby?” And “are polar bears multicoloured?” LIKE BABY WHAT? 😭😭😭😭😀🤺🤺 JAIL. RN.

🥗🍜: Venus- Uranus placements could have a very wide palate when it comes to trying out new dishes🍟🌮🍱🍝🥮🍫🍬🍪. They’re the typa people who are always down to try various cuisines👩🏻‍🍳🍛.

👯‍♀️😘: Venus in the 11th house culture is looking at your homie and saying “I might just kiss you rn” as a joke😏😏and they’d be like “haha bet😏👀”, and BOOM y’all are making out the next minute😭😈. Venus in the 11th 🤝🏻 flirting with their friends as a joke..unless??😏👯‍♀️😍👀.

🤑🛍️: Libra/Leo/Taurus/Cancer placements 🤝🏻 retail therapy 🛒🏬🎁💐👙👗.

🦷😬: Capricorn placements 🤝🏻 having issues with their teeth. Capricorn placements are most likely prone to sensitivity in their teeth or any tooth related problem!! Y’ALL PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHILE EATING ICE CREAM /ANY COLD FOODS OKAY🍦🫶🏻, ik sometimes you just wanna maybe TRY biting into an ice cream but for heavens sake do not let your intrusive thoughts win bwhahaha😀😭. Make sure to get your daily dental checkups y’all, this is not just for cappy placements!! but everyone 😗🥰🫂😁!

Okay that’s all for today luvs🥰🫶🏻

(Please do not copy or plagiarise any of my work <33)

- san✨🍵🪴📖🧘🏻‍♀️

[hismourningflower]

「 all lights turned off can be turned on | the noah kahan series 」 various x gn!reader | fluff, angst & platonic | song inspired fanfictions. ↳ so i'm the biggest fan of noah physically possible (absorbing his music through an iv drip at all points in time) and this originally started with me choosing to do a songfic for his newest song 'forever' which is the first in this series !! i'm hoping i introduce some people to his music because he's the sweetest and his music means the world to me. anyways, let's enjoy!

bonus. shoutout to @ryuryuryuyurboat for sitting with me while i assigned characters to these and feeding me so many ideas, i'm glad i exposed you to noah HAHA

the jade's guidelines | honkai masterlist | genshin masterlist

each songfic has its own warnings and tags, please be sure to read all warnings and tags before consuming content!

i. forever | dan heng ( fluff, friends to lovers )

ii. catastrophize | collei ( hurt/comfort, platonic )

iii. all my love | yanqing ( platonic, childhood friends )

iv. save me | xiao ( hurt/comfort, established relationship )

v. hurt somebody | wanderer ( angst, ex-lovers )

vi. part of me | ruan mei ( angst, ex-lovers )

vii. your needs, my needs | kazuha ( angst, best friend's sibling )

viii. animal | wriothesley ( hurt/comfort, co-workers to lovers )

ix. bad luck | seele ( hurt/comfort, social class troubles )

x. howling | dr. ratio ( angst, tba )

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

© thexianzhoujade 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media. all songs & lyrics belong to noah kahan.

[merklins]

BEHOLD! THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

Various hlvrv characters as ponys (: A full list does indeed exist, BUT! These are the silly guys I've drawn for you today. Under the cut, as I! Have now gone into WAY more detail than I thought I would haha.

Player- A Pegasus, inspired by the European Turtle Dove and Komorner Tumbler Pigeon! (He is not pictured here BUT. I also have a Saxon Fairy Swallow assignment set aside for Power Trip) I'd probably give him more armor in the future for the HEV suit, BUT! Little leg guards is what he's got for now. And also a little band on one leg like you see on pigeons for tracking and scientific purposes. Because SCIENCE and BLACK MESA! And honestly I thought it'd just look cool for him to have the little lambda band on his leg after all's over with and he isn't carrying around an entire HEV suit anymore. The other front leg is where he would put anything else, like friendship bracelets or "hey hold onto this for a minute" or what have you.

Doc- A Pegasus, BUT BETTER! After an accident in the Green Department of the rainbow factory, he now glows... GREEN! Surprising! And also she has various bat pony traits Which she now uses her epic and cool inventions to help with. Like the robot arms! He's inspired by a Rufous hummingbird, mostly. Actual flight is finicky because of the hummingbird and bat pony wing combination, BUT! They can indeed hover and zip a little! As they deserve. (This drawing was done before I picked hummingbird specifcially, but now she's got much tinier wings like a hummingbird, that are feathery at the base but extend out into more bat-like wings!)

Loverboy- As Gordon B he would be an Earth Pony, BUT! There's this wonderful wonderful Generation 3 episode where- [I am sent to the abyss for referencing this single episode for the third time on blog] WHERE THE EARTH PONYS GET HUGE MAGIC GIANT BUTTERFLY WINGS THAT LOOK SO AWESOME AND COOL. Loverboy is that (:

(THE EPISODE IS CALLED TWO FOR THE SKY)

Sleepless- A Griffon! Violet-Backed Starling is the main inspiration, but I DID take a little bit from the White-Breasted Ground Dove as well. The other half that isn't a bird I used a Clouded Leopard because. cloud... fog... the purple stuff... it was a REACH, but it looks cool so I win either way. I didn't draw it in this one, but I imagine his regular sleeping mask is a little more like a cowl you'd see in Falconing. One of the masks that slide on and cover the entire upper face. Also I know Griffons are basically pony sized, but also I write the canon here and Sleepless gets to be taller than ponies by a large margin. Just for fun, a little treat for me.

Valentine- A Unicorn! But as opposed to other unicorns I have slotted in the hlvrv roster, they take a lot of inspiration from that classic unicorn look. You know the one, probably. A lot of MLP redesigns change the unicorns to look like it and its SO cool. But Spork and Valentine are the only ones I really did that with this time around, other then a couple guys who got the little unicorn beard. You also probably know the one. I think I stole their cutie mark from somewhere by mistake, so apologies for that, BUT!! In other news, Valentine and the Love Letters all very VERY specifically have the little heart-shaped hoof thing going on. For the Aesthetic, y'know?

CLOWN NEO FUNNY GUY CLOWN NEO!! Neo himself is an Earth Pony, BUT! In Nightmare Circus? He has all that cool dressage that carousel horses and circus ponies wear SUCH AS! One of those cool decorative head pieces that are meant to make them look like a unicorn. EXCEPT. Because this is a dream and you can do whatever you want, It ACTUALLY works as a functional magic horn and he can pull all KINDS of magic tricks and shenanigans with it!

AAAAAND PING FOR FRIEND WHO RAMBLED WITH ME FOR HOURS ON THE MATTER TO HELP ME ASSIGN THEM ALL! YES, ALL OF THEM! @bbeeohazardd

[voiceofsword]

Don't ask an enstarrie about their otp worst mistake of your life

The main story. Ouuuugh. Tatsumi just casually complimenting Mayoi or initiating affection.

Tatsumi saying "I think it's a waste you always hide your beautiful face, Mayoi." like the first time these two had a one on one conversation... okay man

Also the main story showing that they both help each other!! Physically and emotionally!!! Tatsumi helped Mayoi when he got sick from being in public and trying to help him with his deprecating thoughts. Tatsumi confides in Mayoi about what happened at reimei before the others and Mayoi carried him when he was tired or in pain. Mayoi says he wants to see the human and dark side of Tatsumi. I'm adding the quote it's so good.

"I hope I will always be the one who understands and accepts him. Including his faults, his dark side – his everything."

SS... screams. The fucking. Line. "Haha. It's okay, Mayoi. You are like a great mother to these kids. Meanwhile, you're also an irreplaceable partner to me." Followed by Mayoi saying "I'm not a mother or a wife, please?!" They're soooo ♡ it's a bit of a debate to alkaloidPs on whether alkaloid should be called a found family and although I'm kind of in the middle I will admit these little interactions are cute. Tatsumi casually assigning Mayoi as a mom friend and him as the dad. Real smooth of you. Side note: I think Tatsumi gets to see another side of Mayoi because later on in the story Tatsumi points out a growth in Mayoi's character and tells him to quiet down after he freaks out about it and Mayoi retaliates by telling him he's the reason he made any noise in the first place. I don't think they'd bicker that much honestly but ♡♡♡ pouty Mayoi could you imagine. Only Tatsumi gets to see it though booooo. There's no lines that really stand out but also Mayoi (+ the juniors) do notice when Tatsumi's health is declining further on in the story. The juniors are more subtle but Mayoi asks when they're on stage. Teehee

They never really get big moments so the rest of what I have are just small little funnier pieces of dialogue... sobs. I'm gonna follow this ask up with one more story though... hehe

THATS SO SWEET... i do remember some of this from main story (especially mayoi carrying tatsumi on his back when his leg pain started to act up again)

its always so ww lovely (lol) when charas constantly go out of their way to help, uplift each other. especially when they make it a point to nurture both their perceived good and bad sides, they can appreciate everything about the other person and feel safe with them regardless 🥺

always being alert for when the other is down so they can pick them up... its one of the reasons i think they mesh well, on account of tatsumi (chronically ill) and mayoi (mayoi) being two people who've both struggled with their health for various reasons, that they can have someone they can openly rely on and eventually not feel like a burden, but that doesnt necessarily mean they will treat each other like glass (i think early on this is more the case but as time advances i can only hope they grow more confident with each other..? pleading emoji again)

but also the. that line kind of just took me out. suethdtgushwergu its so silly. i think while tatsumi is probably completely genuine in some of the things he says that fluster mayoi itd be even funnier to consider him saying stuff like that to fluster him on purpose, considering mayoi makes such a big deal out of it. not to laugh or anything, but because he thinks its cute. arghhghh. holy man who is a little cheeky and little creature who tries his best not to melt in his light. tatsumi seems to be a man that has a lot of affection to give while mayois completely foreign to the concept.

putting this under a read more because it doesnt really pertain to ttmy but more a comment on the found family debate u mentioned, but along the vein of the ss comment

(i personally do think alkaloid could be kind of a found family, but i understand some people's wariness towards it since a lot of the time it just forces the characters into nuclear roles — it's rly easy to forget ur friends can be your family too :').

ofc that line leaves little to the imagination as to what tatsumi means but i think in This Case implying he's the 'dad' of alkaloid is telling of himself for Obbligato Reasons™. putting them in what he considers to be traditional roles and choosing himself as the father figure of the group shows that hes someone who subconsciously takes charge and 'bears the burdens' of the rest of alkaloid. this is ofc not me trying to say that should be the case, fictional or not, but judging by tatsumis past behavior it just makes sense to me that this is a thought pattern he would pick up.

but its also killing me that he cant find another way to express his appreciation towards mayoi than being like You are like the mother to my children. asjhkdsdkjhfkj. can somebody teach this man how to flirt normally!!

that being said, theyre all like.. almost the same age so the assertion is rly funny to me, i love tatsumis old man roleplaying sometimes. i truly do think in his head that he thinks this family dynamic is 100% real. the other 3? not so much)

[cats-and-confusion]

"Adelaide" and the Honest Compulsive Liar

.

She’s woken by a heavy pounding on the door, rolling off the couch and onto the floor. Scrambling to her feet, she rips open the door to be met with a tall, burly man, wearing adventurer’s clothing. When he speaks, his voice is softer than she expected. "Pardon me, milady, but may I stay the night? There doesn't seem to be a tavern in this town, but I'll compensate you. I can just stay in the shed, if it's not too much trouble." He shifts his weight, and she notes the presence of a warhammer sheathed on his back.

Her face breaks into a cheerful grin. "Oh! I don't mind one bit! Come in, come in. Ooh, it's been so long since I had a stranger visit. New friends! How exciting. I think I'll call you Adelaide." She ushers him into the house, paying no mind that he has to duck to fit through the doorway as she practically drags him in.

"Oh, um…" He hesitates, unsure whether to correct her and properly introduce himself, or just let her do her thing. He’s met a lot of people in his travels, but this…this was new.

She guides him through the house, a decently sized home, clearly well used. Dirty dishes lie on practically every surface, and the floor is littered with clothes and quills and empty plastic bottles. "Now come here Adelaide, I've a spare room for you in the house! Haha, just kidding, I lied. But I do have a storage room that’s relatively well insulated, I reckon you could sleep in there!" She giggles.

The newly assigned Adelaide tries again to interject, not wanting to seem impolite by outright interrupting, but also having very little energy to deal with this eccentric individual. “I don’t, uh-”

“Ooh, take your shoes off before we go into the kitchen! I don’t like cleaning wood floors, you know. Actually you should sit down at the dining table, I’ll go ahead and get something for you.” She sits him at the cluttered table in a chair wildly too small for him, and she brushes aside the various trinkets and trash in front of him, effectively clearing a portion of the table.

She continues. “Y’see, my grandmum came over an’ gave me cooked squash in one of those bowls, but I hate squash, so I don’t want it. I reckon the roads ain’t too kind to you, you’re hungry, yeah? You want squash?” She gestures at him with a wooden spoon in her hand, taking things from the ice box already.

“...S- sure…” He agrees, resigned to his fate at this point. And, he may admit, he is rather hungry. 

She beams, heating the bowl over the fire just a little. “Splendid! Anyway, I lied, it’s not squash, it’s carrots. Here you go!” She sets down a bowl of carrots and other assorted leaves in front of him, along with the spoon. It’s still mostly carrots.

“I don’t know what the spices are so just pray you aren’t allergic. Cheers!” She takes a seat back on the couch, practically the only non-cluttered thing in this place, and picks up a notebook from the floor. She fishes a quill off of the floor, too, and begins writing in the notebook. He wonders where she gets all that paper; it’s rather expensive, after all.

He fiddles with the utensil, much too small in his hand, and stirs his food uncertainly. Should he mention it? He shouldn’t mention it. His mouth is already moving. “Hey, um…I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but…what the hell is wrong with you?” He asks sincerely, cringing at his wording. This person is being so kind to him, why did he say that? How will she react?

Shockingly, she bursts into laughter, interrupting his anxious spiral. “Ehehahahahah! Yeah, I get that a bunch. Actually I don’t because I never talk to people. But I bet I would!” Her laughter dies down to soft giggles, and then stops, yet she remains smiling.

“...Oh,” is all he can manage to say. This woman is baffling. Insane, even, but she doesn’t seem harmful like some perfectly sane people he’s met, so…this is a fine alternative, he supposes. “...Can i still stay the night?” he asks hopefully, wincing.

“You sure can, Adelaide!” She affirms brightly. He resists the urge to rub his face in stress.

“That’s not my-”

“You sure can, Adelaide!” She repeats, in a lower tone this time, more firmly. He doesn’t know why this lady is so intent on calling a very burly masculine man ‘Adelaide’, but he doesn’t have the heart to argue with her. Adelaide it is.

He relents. “...Okay.”

Adelaide begins to eat, or at least tries to, but it’s rather difficult. Who eats carrots with a spoon?

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Yuma Maniac [05]

Monologue

A little while has passed, since we came here to Rotigenberg. 

Even though we were starting to feel a little impatient,

while being kept waiting for a chance to talk to Kino-kun,

we had a clear reason for coming here.

ーー Second-rate Demons. 

We came to realize,

why exactly the Ghouls were given said name.

Despite being non-human, they do not have any kind of special powers. 

These people... They have no other choice,

but to endure this disability on a daily basis.

ー The scene starts in town

Lucks: Sorry for making you come with me.

Yuma: I don’t mind, really. Why did ya need to come to town exactly? 

Lucks: I’ve been put in charge of restocking of our supplies. We’re going to drop by various places to collect everything we need.

Yui: You each get a different task assigned? 

Lucks: Yes. Us Ghouls work together like that to sustain our society. ...We can’t go out in group after all.

Yuma: Aah? What do ya mean?

Lucks: Nevermind...Oh, this is the first store on the list. Let’s go inside. 

ー They enter a store

Shop owner: Welcome, come on in! What are you looking foーー Ah?

Yui: ( ...? His expression suddenly turned stern? )

Shop owner: You...You’re a Ghoul, aren’t you? Ghouls are forbidden from entering this store. Get out!

Yui: ...! No way...!

Lucks: It’s fine, miss. ...I am deeply sorry to cause you discomfort but there’s something I’d like from your store. Please?

Shop owner: I don’t sell my goods to Ghouls. If you won’t willingly go home, then...!

*SPLASH*

Lucks: Ugh...!

Yuma: Oi, bastard! He’s yer customer, isn’t he!? Ya might not be fond of him, but do ya really have to dump water on his head like that!?

Lucks: Yuma, stop! ...I understand. My apologies for the intrusion. 

ー They leave the store again

Yui: Lucks-san, are you alright...?

Lucks: I just got wet. This sort of thing happens all the time, so it’s no big deal.

Yui: All the time...?

Lucks: You can tell by how the people around us react, no? ...They all walk in a big circle around me. 

They’d rather not get too close to a Ghoul born from polluted air.

Yuma: ...Why not!? You’re no different from us two! That’s just plain discrimination!

Lucks: I’m sure you can only say that because you’re a good guy and we’re old friends.

Most people are ignorant and they fear that they themselves might turn into Ghouls as well if they get too close to us.

Yui: Is that possible...?

Lucks: Haha. If so, I wouldn’t be with you two right now. It’s all just a big misunderstanding.

Also...I guess they’re also just using it as an excuse to justify treating us worse than other species. 

Yuma: ...Why the fuck are ya bein’ discriminated against when ya haven’t done anythin’ wrong? That’s hella unfair.

Lucks: Guess so. But that’s what discrimination is all about, isn’t it? You should know that as well, Bear.

Yuma: ...

...I guess in that regard, humans and Demons are really no different. Bullcrap. 

Selection

→ Let’s resolve the misunderstanding (❦)

Yui: Let’s resolve the misunderstanding. This is...just sad.

Lucks: You really are a nice girl. No wonder Yuma chose you.

Yuma: She’s right. They’re gonna do as they please if ya keep quiet. ...Ya should know that as well, right?

→ It can’t be helped 

Yui: ( I guess this sort of thing happens anywhere. I wonder...if there’s nothing which can be done about it? )

Yuma: ...It’s bullcrap, but no way I’m lettin’ it happen. 

Yuma: Lucks, are ya fine with things stayin’ the way they are?

Didn’t ya tell me back then that all humans are equal and have the right to be free? 

I thought it was yer dream to change that rotten country? 

The current situation...is hardly any different from that. Yet you’re just gonna stand there in silence and watch it all happen!? 

Do ya no longer...give a damn...’bout yer ambition from back then...!? 

Yui: Yuma-kun...

( Yuma-kun has been trying to fulfill his dream this whole time. )

( I’m sure that’s because to him, his Boss...Lucks-san was someone he respected and valued more than anyone else. )

( I believe that’s why it so upsetting for him to see Lucks-san get treated poorly... )

Yuma: What’s yer answer, huh...!? 

Lucks: ...Don’t get the wrong idea, Bear. My dream hasn’t changed one bit.

I still believe that everyone should be equal. That’s why...I’ve chosen to side with Kino.

Yuma: ...The fuck? What do yaーー

Kino: Oh? If it isn’t Yuma!

So the two of you came back, huh? Are you sure it’s okay for you to be here? Is Eden doing okay?

Yui: ...! Kino-kun!

Lucks: Kino. You’re back?

Kino: I returned just now. By the way, I heard you wanted to talk to me, Lucks?

Lucks: Ah, about thatーー

Yuma: I’m yer man. Come with me, we need to talk.

Kino: Ehー? I don’t really mind but safe me any trouble, okay? I’m tired, you see. 

Yuma: Don’t worry. It’ll only take a couple of minutes if ya just fess up the truth already.

Kino: Haah...You should mind your language, you know? It makes your poor upbringing very obvious.

Oh well, I guess it isn’t very comfortable talking in the middle of the street like this. Come with me, I’ll show you the way to my house.

Yuma: ...This isn’t part of a plan to get us to familiar territory so ya can strike, right?

Kino: Who knows? I’m not going to force you to come with me but...There’s something you’d like to ask me, right?

Yuma: ...Che. Ya really know how to piss me off. Fine. I’ll come with ya.

Kino: Fufu. Well then, Lucks, you should join us as well. I’ll ask someone else to do the groceries.

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall at Eden

Ruki: ...

Kou: Ruki-kun. Has Yuma-kun sent us a Familiar...?

Ruki: No. ...Even for Yuma, it is strange for there to be this little communication.

Kou: Then don’t you think that they could be in a situation where it’s impossible for them to contact us? In which case...!

Ruki: ...I suppose we should go look for them after all.

ー Azusa walks up to them

Azusa: Ruki...I went to investigate. It seems like the presence we’ve picked up on as of late are the Adler Clan’s troops after all...

Ruki: Are they close? 

Azusa: Quite, yes...I believe they might be waiting for the right opportunity to strike. 

Ruki: So it’s only a matter of time, huh...? I am worried about those two, but we simply cannot leave Eden right now.

I believe the Castle will be taken down from the second we leave it empty. 

Kou: ...Then what are we going to do!? They could be waiting for our help as we speak!

Ruki: I know. With that in mind...I am trying to think of a solution. 

Azusa: I guess us three just can’t handle it all on our own...

Ruki: Kuh...

Familiar: Ruki-sama, big news! That man...He has come here to Eden!

Ruki: That manーー ...? 

Monologue

Even while Kino-kun was showing us the way,

back to his manor, Yuma-kun and I,

witnessed various instances of Ghouls suffering from discrimination (差別)

Many people would stare at Lucks-san,

giving him nasty (罵り) looks,

even more so than they would at a human like myself. 

And the person who seemed pained by this whole situation,

more than anyone else

was Yuma-kun after all...

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[autisticempathydaemon]

For the RedactedAudio match-ups!

I pondered over whether I should send my own request (I'm sure you have plenty of these already and I didn't want to add more to the workload- for a lack of a better word) but I love the love and care you give for previous entries and it just seems so fun to play along! Please take all the time you need, there's no rush at all ><

Lizzy McAlpine's "Doomsday" has been playing nonstop for the past month, but I've always been obsessed with Will Wood's "Well, Better Than the Alternative"! My fav part of the lyrics: "Baby could you play along with me? / Baby would that be alright with you? / And when we find out what's wrong with me / Could you tell me how I'm right for you?" This is the kind of song suitable for both lighthearted jamming and brooding self-reflection while staring at the ceiling at ungodly hours, yknow?

For the Enneagram type, I just did the test recently and I got type 4? I found the descriptor "Inward Exlorer" extremely suiting! Also, in case it helps, my MBTI is INFJ^^

I had several childhood friends, the one I talked to the most was a faceless boy my age with glasses and messy hair who's crazy about the concept of martyrdom. I'm trying to write him into my story these days!

I happen to adore my name for the meaning behind it. My initials are literally A.R.T., and, fun fact, I'm currently the only person with my last name in my region, haha. But yknow, names carry weight to them, and I find the weight of mine a bit cumbersome at times, so that might be a cause for change somewhere far in the future. Maybe changing it to Ara, or Nadine? Because the meanings are so pretty ^^

My current fav audio vid is the "finally hearing from your your long distance lover again"! What can I say? Anton is my beloved and he gives off so much comfort and I root (haha get it) for his happiness!

Speaking of platonic attraction, it's gotta be Hux and Damien. As a college student myself, how wonderful it would be to have them with me to go through endless study sessions and just to hang out? If I get to write fate beforehand, I'd have them and Camelopardalis be my childhood friends. Imagine that!

I don't exactly have a gas station drink combo(?) but I always order carrot-orange juice if I see it on the menu. My siblings look at me weird whenever I do, but it's really good!

Uh, what else is there... I've been told I'm the older sister type, or the mom friend? I grow tomatoes and bird eye chillies alongside roses of various colors on my family's front yard, and one of my life ambitions is to own a house with big enough land to grow fruit trees- I solemnly swore to my mom and her mom that I'd plant lemon and orange trees if I could make that happen, because they love the smell of citrus. I write; mostly short stories, and I've published a number of anthologies, but I'm working on finishing the first draft for my first novel.

Oh goodness this is becoming so long already. Thank you for taking your time to read this! I'm looking forward for your verdict, haha ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Ooh, this was an incredibly easy one to assign! There’s a lot of little and big factors that went into my decision, but the kicker is that a big, lovely family home wouldn’t be complete without a David Shaw to help take care of it.

Type Fours and INFJ’s are so lovely and creative, generally very attuned to their inner sphere of thoughts and emotions. I think that pairs well with David, who went through the character development of needing that openness to draw him out into the open, honest, affectionate man he is today. Your being the mom friend also pairs well since he’s the dad friend, and the two of you could lend each other support in case you neglect your needs in favor of others.

Speaking of “mom and dad”, I love to think of the huge, beautiful house and garden the two of you would cultivate! It’d be so homey and comfortable, the perfect place for pack parties, the sort of space where every member knows they’re welcome. Not to mention, those fruit trees would be the envy of Dahlia; you and David would make sure of it. Those would be the most bountiful trees and most beautiful garden you could ever imagine.

Song:

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents/ Homes in the South of France/ Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters/ And teach them how to dance/ Let's get rich and build our house on a mountain/ Making everybody look like ants/ From way up there, you and I, you and I

I love the vibes of this song for you guys! Even if it’s not what I think his music taste would be (dad rock), it’s sweet, it’s fun, it’s cozy. It’s perfect summer day, laying in the grass and dandelions and roses music. It’s a duet that he would never think of not chiming in along with you.

Runner-Ups:

Lasko could also strike me as an INFJ, so I think the two of you would make this lovely, introverted pair. Plus, a writer and a professor- that’s objectively cute. Milo is also a good runner up, because frankly, that boy strikes me as a momma’s boy, so he would adore the way you talk about your mom and grandma. You also have that shared dream of owning a nice house and home, so there’s that too.

note: I like the cut of your jib- roses and tomatoes AND Birds Eye chilis? The best kind? You’ve got taste /gen

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[melodioustear]

Research Updates

Hello, friends - long time no see. As ever, the world persists in hurling difficulties in my direction which then cause work delays - on top of which I've also been observing a lot of strike action as a member of my union, the UCU (who have won some important progress with pensions and I'm really, really hoping we might get some progress on precarity - maybe - probably not but I can dream).

All of which is to say, I have only just put my survey in for ethical proposal this past couple of weeks. It's been signed off on by my supervisor, I'm partway through getting approval from my school representative, and after that it needs to go to the central committee for formal approval.

I thought I'd go over what this application entails for those who might be curious, as it's certainly something I'd never had to deal with before! For those unaware, I'm preparing to do a survey on fanfiction practices around mental illness. Read on for all the nitty gritty of ethical approval in the UK university system.

So first of all there is a form you go through to work out if you even need ethical approval or not. This is a checklist where if you answer yes to any of the questions, you need to get formal approval from the central research ethics committee. For me, this included things like: the research will gather data around sensitive topics; the research is with vulnerable groups; the research is personal or psychological in nature.

Once that's done you have another form to fill out (you'll spot a trend here), where you give the full detail of what the project is and what it will be studying. This also requires you to explain a lot about the security of data for data protection purposes, that you know how to do GDPR compliance, and if you're studying under 16s, justifying this & explaining how you'll protect underage persons during the study.

Side note: working to understand GDPR was the worst part of this process.

This form requires a lot of supporting documents. You have to give the full research proposal, a copy of the consent form, participant information, proposed research questions (if relevant - for me it's obviously the main part), and finally any advertising copy around it. My application literally contains an example TikTok script!

Once you have all this filled in (this will take a while), you then send that to your supervisor. They give you any changes, which wasn't many for me, and then it's off to the school representative. I'm in the Division of Arts, Humanities and Architecture, which is then made up of various Schools - I'm in the School of English. So my application goes off to that representative. I've had some feedback from them already which has been super helpful, and now I'm waiting on their confirmation that I'm good to send it to the central committee!

The way that process works is that they assign two random reviewers from their list of reviewers, and they go over my application and approve/approve with changes/reject. This can take anything from three days to three weeks; bit of a piece of string. But once that's done, I'm good to start!

I'm very excited because I'm so keen to have this data and to really get to see what fanfic authors & readers do and feel around Madness. We have nothing remotely like this data wise so it's going to be super exciting to see.

So that's your update! Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into academic bureaucracy, haha <3

[lys-lilac]

Fanfic where MC and her best friends are med students, but assigned to different hospitals for residency. She gets transferred to work along with MC in her hospital, and reveals she loves your preceptor long before you did. For the sake of friendship, you decide to break up.

Ending can be your choice.

Anon anon, what have you pulled me into...

Although I don’t want to give him further pain, still I have only read all his stories. So here it goes.

Get ready for ANGST!

[A/N: This is a fanfiction for the title Romance MD: Always on Call by Voltage Inc. All the art displayed and characters belong to it. The character Saeko Tachibana is a fictional one included by me. Enjoy!]

To shoulder the pain (Toshiki Kasumi x MC)

Matsunaga: ...So you all need to be careful of people like these. 

Kasumi: Although the hospital is trying to calm down the situation as much as possible, still we are in our own volition.

All: Understood.

With the discussion of the issue of some relatives and family members attacking the medical personnel over various cases, the morning meeting comes to a close. Just as I was about to go to my desk, a familiar ring breaks my chain of thoughts.

MC: Hi Saeko!

voice from the phone: Long time no talk, MC.

On the other side of the phone was my best friend from medschool, Saeko Tachibana. We have kept in touch via messages, but have never had a good talk due to our odd timings at work. Although I wanted to talk to her for some more, I remember I have an operation with Dr. Kasumi in about half an hour.

MC: Let’s have a nice chat some other time, okay? I have an OP-

Saeko: I know, my medical geek was gonna say that. I have a news for you. I am transferred to Seimei! I am starting from tomorrow!

MC: Wha?!

Probably my raised voice garners the attention of the doctors in the room. All turn to look in my direction at once. Apologizing with a little bow, I continue to listen to her.

MC: So you mean, you are in Tokyo now? All the way from Nagoya?! Where are you living now? 

Saeko: Mm. I have found a pretty good place close to the hospital. Let’s have a girls’ chat when I arrive there tomorrow, okay? 

MC: You-

Saeko: Ah, got a patient. Bye!

Without listening to me, she cuts the call. Saeko has always been like this. Bubbly, active, and lovely. Just the thought of working with her from tomorrow makes my excitement double.

Takado: So, what’s the sudden raise in your tone? 

Hosho: I sense some good news coming.

Ekuni: Her family is coming?

MC: I am not from Nagoya-

Kyogoku: Ah, maybe her lover? Time to grab Kasumi back from you.

MC: WHAT?! Grr...

Kasumi: Let her speak first. Go on.

Feeling the assured gaze of my preceptor, I start to speak.

MC: My best friend, with whom I spent the whole time in med school studying and enjoying, is transferred here. She is starting from tomorrow.

Matsunaga: Oh, you mean Dr. Saeko Tachibana is your friend?

A hand rests on my shoulders. It was Matsunaga.

MC: Yes.

Matsunaga: Then I am looking forward to work with her!

Takado: Yeah, how many times do you NOT look forward to working with newbies?

Hosho: I hope she’s a good one!

Kyogoku: I just wish she doesn’t take Kasumi’s time.

MC:...

Kasumi: Which department has she got?

MC: I don’t know yet, she was very interested in Neurology in her internship, though.

Matsunaga: Ah, that. She is going to be in Cardiology dept. 

MC: ?!

I was left surprised. The girl who had so much passion in Neurology is now going to be in Cardiology? Maybe it’s for experience. I decide to ask her every little detail tomorrow, as I make my way to the OP. 

Little did I know, how big of a storm this was going to bring into our lives...

~

[The next day: Cafeteria]

MC: You really are a bullet train, you know that?

Saeko: Haha!

Asuka: Although it’s a pleasant surprise~

With me, Asuka, Misumi and Saeko on one table, we are all having lunch. She has only started, but is already a talk in the hospital, both because of her beauty and her talent.

MC: (Holy trinity in front of me! Ah, my eyes have been blessed!)

Misumi: It’s great that the three of you have reunited together!

Saeko: Indeed it is. Oh hey, what’s the special dish here?

Chatting away happily, we spend the afternoon relaxing.

[That night: EICU Office]

After completing the scheduled operations for the day, I am entering the last patient’s data, when a hand softly rests on my shoulder.

Kasumi: Shall we go, MC?

MC: Ah, about that... 

Kasumi: ?

MC: I have got dinner plans with Saeko in Pen Station. Will you join us?

That was what was playing in my mind since the afternoon. I can’t get another oppurtunity like this to talk to her, as well as, I wanted to introduce Kasumi to her. A smile spreads across my face.

Kasumi: Won’t I be intruding?

MC: Of course not. I want to introduce my boyfriend to her!

Kasumi: Pfft...

MC: What is it? 

Kasumi: No, just thinking how bold you have become.

MC: What? I am not...

Kasumi: As much as I want to join you, I have got a sudden meeting with Dr. Usagida. It won’t be that long, so you should go and enjoy in the meantime. 

MC: Aw...

Kasumi: Don’t worry, I will pick you up from the Pen Station after the meeting.

Giving my hair a affectionate stroke, he goes to his office. He really is my prince charming...

[That night: Pen Station]

Finding Saeko, I take a seat across her.

MC: Order anything. Today’s my treat!

Saeko: You recommend me something first. I am sure my medical geek has some nice dishes picked out for me.

MC: Sure, then you should order Katsudon! It’s delicious.

Ordering the food, I take a sip of my Virgin Mojito and sigh a little. It’s really been so long ever since we had a meal like this together. 

Saeko: MC, I will cut straight to the point.

MC: Hm? Oh, about joining cardiology? Girl, now we are in the same-

Saeko: No. Not that.

MC: ...

Saeko: About Dr. Kasumi.

MC: Huh?

I slight gasp leaves my lips hearing my preceptor’s name. I know that I hadn’t told her about our relationship yet, but did she figure it out?

Saeko: I like him.

MC: ?!

The words I least expected to hear, are playing in my mind continuosly, like a line has been placed on loop.

MC: How? And when did you?

Now that I know that she also likes him, it’s almost not possible to bring out the fact that we are dating right now. I decide to listen to her reasoning calmly, trying to steady my shaking hands.

Saeko: You remember the last year of med school? The day you were not present because you got some work at home? That day, there was an orientation programme for which our college invited many reknowned doctors in their fields. You know, Dr. Kasumi also came that day.

MC:...

I knew there was an orientation, but I didn’t know that Kasumi would be there. Maybe because my mind was fully occupied by Orthopedics that I didn’t bother to get the details about other ones. 

Saeko: I used to not like Cardiology that much yes? But that one lecture changed my whole perspective of viewing the topic. The ease with which he explained the subject was really praiseworthy. After the lecture, I went to thank him, but he thanked me instead, saying he knew I was from Neurology but attended his lecture. That made me fall for him. 

Saeko: Everytime I watched him on TV, or magazines saving lives, my crush turned into love.

MC: ...

I need to stop her. I know that she likes him, but she will be sad this way when she comes to know the reality. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

MC: About that, Saeko... Thank you for liking him. 

Saeko: Why are you sounding serious? Don’t worry, I am not asking you to go and confess to him for me, haha!

MC: Saeko, I and Kasumi are dating.

Sorry, I didn’t want to reveal our relationship like this, but I have got no choice. I hope at least she backs out before getting hurt. 

MC: I am sorry I never got the chance to tell you, but I didn’t want to do this casually too. 

Saeko: ...

MC: Saeko?

Saeko: ...So what?

MC: Huh?

The tone that leaves her throat is something completely different from what I hear everytime. It was filled with sadness, and hostility.

Saeko: We are friends right? And as far as I know you, you never settle on one character.

Saeko: Think of this as an otome game you play. Maybe what you think love is actually more of a crush thing?

MC: Saeko...

The words send pangs in my heart. I didn’t know that a day would come where I would be hurt by my own best friend.

Saeko: MC, I have loved him for more time than you have. I promise to make him happy, so please, let him go.

Everything around me seems to have lost its color. The delicious food has got no taste. All that is in front of me, is my best friend turning away from me and the fear of losing Kasumi. 

I don’t want to be abandoned... not again. But at the same time, I don’t want to see my loved ones getting hurt. 

MC: But I should talk about this with Kasumi. I can’t take the decision by myself. I love him more than anything.

Saeko: You are really naive. If you talk about this with him, then he will definitely be sad if you leave him. But if you break up with him, he will think-

Kasumi: MC?

MC: ?!

What’s Kasumi doing here?!

MC: Ah, Kasumi! Let’s go.

Kasumi: But don’t you want to spend some more time with her?

Without saying another word, I take his hand and exit from the Pen Station.

[In the car]

Kasumi: What happened?

MC: Mm, it’s nothing.

Kasumi: ...

MC: Oh, how was your meeting?

I try to change the topic to something else. The last thing I want to do is to hurt him.

Kasumi: Went smoothly.

MC: I am glad the- wha?

When I turn my head to look at him, I see that we are going in the opposite direction to his apartment, or rather... in the direction of my apartment.

MC: Why are we going to my place?

Kasumi: Sudden change of plans.

Argh. I can’t figure out what’s going on his mind, so I just sit still until we reach my place.

 [That night: Your Apartment]

Kasumi: So are you planning to tell me now?

MC: ...

After taking a shower, we sit on the sofa, sipping our tea when this sudden question comes out of nowhere. I knew he decided for us to come here because I will feel more comfortable in my place. Seeing my beloved’s gentle gestures, I just want to forget everything that happened in the Pen station and bury myself in his arms. Although, I have to face this matter sooner or later, so I try to push an excuse.

MC: Really, it’s nothing. I am just a little worried for the next week’s CAVC surgery. It’s my first time seeing this, so I am excited, but at the same time I can’t help but feel a little anxious too.

[A/N: CAVC, or Complete Atrioventricular Canal Defect, is a rare heart disease where the chambers of the heart are defected, or filled with holes for which blood gets mixed.] 

I am sorry, I don’t want to lie to you, but currently, I need to drive my thoughts to somewhere else.

As I was thinking this, a sudden force pulls me in the forward direction, and I feel Kasumi’s warmth with his arms wrapped around me. A hand gently caresses my cheek.

Kasumi: Mm, it’s a rare case, but I am sure you will do great. After all, I rely on you.

MC: !

His soothing voice and his thumb rythmically moving over my cheek, makes me want to cry. Trying to hold my tears, I hug him so as to hide my face.

Kasumi: Let’s go to sleep, alright?

MC: Okay.

I can never, ever leave this man.

~

[Next day: Seimei Hospital ICU]

MC: I hope you recuperate well.

After completing my rounds, I make my way to the EICU. But a sudden commotion makes me stop in my tracks. The sound’s coming from... the corridor?

[ICU Corridor]

I see some people arguing with the nurses and medical staff. And in the center, the person that’s standing, is none other than Saeko.

Seeing the things unfolding, I stop a nearby nurse and ask what’s the case. 

Nurse: Apparently, they think that the patient’s condition has worsened because of our lack of care, and Dr. Saeko is handling the matter. 

Since our college days, Saeko has always been an active student and always raises her voice to fight injustice. Seeing her trying to console the relatives, I decide to interfere.

But as I was coming close to them, I see something silver glinting past me in the hands of a person. 

MC: (Oh my god, is he trying to attack her with a knife?!)

The person charges in her direction, pointing the edge of the knife. My body moves by instinct without any thinking, and the next moment, I see something warm dripping down my arm. I have pushed Saeko from the way, and in the process, ended up getting hit by the knife instead.

The person seeing me injured, falls on his knees, and the knife drops from his hands. I kneel in front of him, and placing a hand on his shoulder, try to speak to him.

MC: I understand how much you care for your relative. The fear of losing someone, that feeling is very painful. But, don’t you think that the patient will be more sad if he comes to know that you tried to harm those people who saved her?

Listening to my words, tears start falling from his eyes, and he apologizes to me, again and again. Glad that he realized his mistake, I stand up, only to feel dizzy.

MC: (Ah, there’s my arm to take care of...)

Trying to find some support by holding the railings on the wall, I make myself stand up properly. Asuka comes rushing from the other end, hearing over the commotion.

Asuka: MC, are you okay?!

MC: Asuka... I am fine. Just grazed my arm. 

Asuka: That’s not a graze, you dummy. Let’s go treat it fast.

MC: Okay.

[Hospital Clinic]

Asuka bandages my arm, and asks me to get some rest saying she will report the incident to the EICU. 

MC: Huh? But...

Asuka: It’s better not to hide anything, okay?

MC: ...

Patting my head, she leaves the room. 

I wonder what will Kasumi think. We had a discussion about this to be careful of these types of people, and still I messed up. Thankfully, I have no operations for the day, so I feel a little relieved. Tiredness takes toll of me and I fall asleep.

~

MC: Kasumi! There you ar- huh?

Kasumi: ...

I find Kasumi and Saeko holding hands. When the heck did this happen? The more I try to get closer to them, the further they drift apart. No matter how hard I try to call out his name, my voice doesn’t reach him. Turning in my direction and giving a smile to me, he fades with her in the mist.

NO!

With cold droplets of sweat trickling down my face, I wake up with a start. 

Huh. So it was a dream.

Hm? 

I feel a soft and warm touch in my hand. Kasumi...?

I turn to my side to find Saeko holding my hand and asleep. Aww, there she is, again caring for me...

As I softly smile looking at her sleeping face, she wakes up.

Saeko: MC? 

MC: What, is hospital that tiring? You are skipping on your work.

Saeko: Your sarcasms are on, meaning you are feeling better. 

MC: I am. Are you okay?

Saeko: Yes, I am all fine!

MC: Good to hear that.

Saeko: Also, I am sorry for the other day.

MC: ?

Saeko: I shouldn’t have pressurised you. I will confess to Dr. Kasumi myself. What answer I get will be decided by my fate, so no need to stress out, okay?

MC: Okay, whatever his answer is, I will also agree to it.

MC: By the way, since when was I asleep?

Saeko: Girl, you seriously are a light sleeper. I just came here before 5 minutes, and you are awake now. Asuka asked me to take care of you, so in total you just slept for 10 minutes. Oh, and someone was accusing me for snoozing, huh?

MC: Er, bleh.

If that’s the case, then that means Asuka must have reported this to Kasumi and others by now. Although, good thing is that I am still in my form to perform surgeries!

As I am feeling a sense of relief, I hear many rushed footsteps approaching the room. One moment after, the door opens, and the whole EICU is here.

 A look of surprise washes over my face. I know they must have been worried, but why is everyone here? Moreover, my beau has an expression of rush, mixed with anger and panic. The next moment, I am wrapped in a warm embrace. 

Kasumi: Are you okay? You are not hurt anywhere else, right?

MC: ...

Oh god, what have I done. I scared him. I feel his hands which are embracing me tenderly, trembling.

MC: I am alright, Kasumi. No need to worry about me. Sorry for scaring you.

Kasumi lets go of me, and slowly strokes my bandaged arm. Seeing that I am not injured anywhere else, he takes my free hand, which was a long while left unholded, as Saeko was now standing by the bedside.

Kyogoku: Are you fine?

Takado: Seems she exaggerated, but oh well.

Hosho: Thank goodness you are safe.

Ekuni: I brought an ice pack for you.

MC: I am alright. Wait, who exaggerated?

Takado: Asuka. Said you were injured by a person with a knife. 

MC: But that just made you all come here, so it’s good.

Takado: Rargh.

After a while, everyone leaves the room, except for Kasumi and Saeko. 

MC: Should we go? There’s rounds we have to complete.

Kasumi: You can do the rounds?

MC: Of course I can! After all, I have gained some powers from the genius here!

Saeko: Dr. Kasumi. 

Kasumi: ?

Listening to him being called by Saeko, he stops in his tracks. I wanted to leave this awkward situation as soon as possible, but now, I can’t.

Saeko: I have something to tell you. Please come to the rooftop at night. MC, you can also come.

Kasumi: ...

Not answering her question, he just takes my hand and we walk off the room.

[That night: Rooftop] 

Gosh. My stomach is tying into knots. This whole situation is making me feel all antsy. I see Saeko standing by the railings and enjoying the night breeze. On the other hand, Kasumi came here with me, but he is not letting my hand go.

MC: At least listen to her by yourself. I will feel like a third wheel here.

Kasumi: No.

MC: Huh.

Feeling the approaching footsteps, Saeko turns around as her gaze falls to our intertwined hands. Ahh, here it comes!

Saeko: I won’t take much of your time. All I wanted to say is, I love you.

...

....

......?

What’s happening? Why is Kasumi not saying anything? A take a quick look at him, and his expression is the same as ever.

Kasumi: Thank you for liking me since from the lecture. But for me, I have already got my significant other. 

MC: Wait what?! How did you know about this?

Kasumi: I heard your chat the other day at Pen. 

Ahhh!!! How can he do that? I didn’t feel any presence of a person near us that day. Maybe because I was depressed? He is really amazing. Wait, what am I even thinking? That’s not the case.

Kasumi: Let’s go.

MC: EH?!

As Kasumi drags me away from the rooftop, I turn back to see Saeko. She gives me a sad smile. 

[That night: Kasumi’s home]

I silently gaze at Kasumi who’s currently changing my bandages. Feeling guilty for doing all the overthinking, I gently tug on his sleeve. 

Kasumi: Why didn’t you tell anything about this earlier?

MC: ...I was scared of losing you.

Kasumi: ...

Placing the used bandages in the disposable bag, he takes me in his arms. 

Kasumi: You can talk about anything with me. Things which happened in the hospital, things which bother you, and so on. I learnt this trait from you, you know?

Kasumi: Putting your inner thoughts into words helps to make you feel better. So don’t hesitate to share anything with me, okay? I am always here for you.

Ah, it was this simple. If I could just have talked to him about this earlier, I didn’t have to make him worry for me. 

Wanting to do something as a compensation, I raise my head and give him a soft peck on the lips. He welcomes me with his chasteness, which slowly grows into passion.

MC: Oww.

Kasumi: ?

He stops kissing me immediately and looks at my arm. Seeing that it was fine, he looks at me. 

MC: (Hehe, I love teasing him like this.)

Our foreheads are touching, and I seize this oppurtunity by quickly giving him a kiss on his cheek. 

A slight tinge of red appears on his cheeks. 

Kasumi: So someone needs to be teased now, hm?

Looking at each other, smiles spreads across our faces. He comes closer and intertwines his hands with mine, and as I close my eyes in response, I think how much blessed I am to have found him. 

I am not letting him go. Not in this life, not for eternity.

~

END.

[A/N: Bye, I need to deliberate now. This is oh so sweet for my heart, I can’t handle it.]

[spynorth]

WILLIAM BLAKE.

I’ve said my piece on the idea that Lucas is obsessed with William Blake. Both the question of why and the answer itself are both given to the viewer through what can easily be considered an unreliable narrator. However, there is an obvious truth to the fact that Lucas does gain some inspiration from Blake’s various works. They are as follows:

- THE ANCIENT OF DAYS:

               The Ancient of Days is a design by William Blake that was associated with one of his works called Europe A Prophecy. It depicts Urizen (who in the mythology of Blake is considered the God figure. He embodies conventional reason and law) crouched in a circle. There are always clouds in the background and in his hand he holds a compass over the blackness below. There are a lot of things I could say about this artwork, a lot of opinions and translations that have been bickered about over the years, but I’m going to try to stick to the bare minimum that I need or else we’ll be here all day .. but I encourage you to look into William Blake more if you’re ever curious. He is so fun! One of my favorite research assignments from university days haha. The design itself seems unremarkable, just a tattoo on an imprisoned man - but Lucas’ tattoos all have a purpose and this one is no different. In Europe A Prophecy it is believed that Blake used the vision within his poem to depict suffering in the world brought on by the politics of 1790’s Britain. In this particular poem, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are tied to the universal man instead of the biblical tie to God The Father… an image mirrored in Milton’s Paradise Lost (which we’ll get to later. God its such a favorite). So now the question remains, why did Lucas choose this tattoo? What is its meaning? Its worth? There are many Blake works he could have chosen to depict. Why this one? Perhaps its chosen simply because he likes it, or because it seemed different and unsettling .. but I think the answer can be found in a pretty straightforward way. Lucas is imprisoned in Russia while on an espionage mission for MI5. I believe maybe he felt a little frustration ebb and ease with each prick of ink onto his skin. Much like the world in the mythology of Urien, he is suffering due to British politics. Outside of this, he also, by murdering his friend who was joining MI5, consigned himself to a prison of his own choice. A life. coincidentally,  driven by British politics. As he tells Elizabeta in series 7, episode 2:

"If you don't let me do this, they will take everything away from you. This life, this happiness, it will all be gone. I know what that's like. And there are no words to describe how terrible it is."

 He will never fully be able to live the way he wants. He has to follow a pattern initially created by the original, and real, Lucas North. I believe the quote above sums up much of what he must be feeling as the house of cards falls around him during series 9.

THE GREAT RED DRAGON AND THE WOMAN CLOTHED WITH THE SUN

              This watercolor is a depiction of the story in the book of revelation where a great dragon is said to wait to devour a pregnant woman’s soon to be delivered child. This is by far the MOST important reference to Blake in regards to my belief of Lucas’ choice to lie each and every day. There’s a lot going on in this painting, a lot of detail that add to the overall aesthetic and tension of the scene.. but I’ve always believed there to be a beautiful duality in the way that light reaches out to dark, almost touching, both part of the same dance. If you look at the image above, you can see the dragon’s limbs raised and the golden woman’s arms arcing as well, as if reaching for the sun or the dragon itself. There is duality in this as I said. Light meets dark, Good reaches for evil. Two ideas that both meld easily within the philosophy that Blake held where the two sides of man could be explained as the light and dark side of something as celestial as the moon. In A Vision of the Last Judgement, Blake states:

                                         “ … I do not consider either the just, or the wicked, to be in a supreme state, but to be, every one of them, states of the sleep which the soul may fall into in its deadly dreams of good and evil, when it leaves Paradise following the serpent. “

               The above quote strikes a huge chord within me when it comes to my beliefs over the dichotomy of John Bateman vs Lucas North and the theme of my blog in regards to a man wrestling with a guilty conscience, and a choice he is both a slave to and responsible for making with every day that he wakes up. The story of John Bateman isn’t a story of was this man good or was this man bad .. it’s just the tale of a man, lost and broken like all of us, who made a decision. Who, for a single second in time, that quiet sound of an indrawn breath, chose a path that led to the death of 17 people. After that path, he chose again. He chose to murder his best friend, to take his identity and escape to a life where he could not be held accountable for the things he did. Of course he doesn’t want to believe himself capable of such a thing. Who of us would? Who of us wouldn’t do what he proceeds to do and bury it six feet below the ground? Wouldn’t we practice a new name, a new history, a new life every time we stood in front of a mirror or while we wait at the corner for the next bus or cab, or standing in the queue waiting to check out our groceries? There is a thing I’ve learned over the years about lying… it gets easier every single time you do it. You start to grasp at images in your head, ideas. Things that were real start to fade, memories you were certain of weeks before suddenly look like you’re replaying them with your face pressed against a foggy glass window and things you memorized, made up details meant to solidify your falsehoods and half truths, are suddenly as real as if you lived them. It begins with a story, a funny anecdote meant to fall in beside the lie that your family lived by the beach. The first time it’s glossed over, just a funny bit of dialogue that has everyone laughing. I need to remember this now, you think. The memory is in their heads. They won’t forget it. You can’t either. It grows. At the next dinner party, details are added. The smell of the air, the way the saltwater burned against the scrape on your knee, that silly seagull that pecked curiously at everyone’s belongings, not afraid of any threats as long as it saw the possibility to stealing a biscuit or three. Soon you can see the seagull, can hear his cries as you kick sand and wave your arms, can hear the baby crying down the beach. There’s that taste of the lunch that came before. The cake your mum had baked especially for - wait. That’s not right. That didn’t happen? Did it? It is a truth backed by science that a person who lies frequently and eloquently and finds success with it, will not be able to withstand absorbing the lies themselves eventually. HOWEVER. You know there is a lie there. You just can no longer differentiate the two yourself.

[grittyreadsfic]

wip weds...my friend and i are doing pod-together (idk if you have heard of it, it's a challenge where one person writes a fic specifically for another person [or group of people] to podfic! [that's a loose summary, there are a lot of variations within the challenge for collaborations]) and our fic/podfic is about the devs! there's a romance novel series called the bromance book club where the premise is basically that a bunch of men get together and read a romance novel to help them resolve their relationship problems. i only read the first book in the series, but my friend and i decided to apply that general concept to the devs for the collaboration. dougie hamilton assigns books to various devs to help them through their relationship problems! ngl i'm slightly scared of the devs fandom because the skill level is so high for the rpf creators, but that did not stop us from committing 36k to some unhinged soft content (and some untold amount of recording hours, which will for sure be banger bc my collaborator is an awesome podficcer!). that's the wip that has consumed me for a solid month haha

podtogether my absolute beloved!!! really love when podficcers get a chance to shine tbh and so many great fics and podfics have come out of it historically, tbh, i'm a big fan

oh that concept is SUCH a vibe, i feel like it fits the devs super well too, esp when the ship potential within the time is pretty much endless, tbh. also dougie giving out books to read....so true

36k soft content............a Win ™

(though i feel you on the devs rpf creators having a ridiculous skill level they're all so intimidating and talented and it sets the bar SO high but also they're all the nicest people i love them)

[iantimony]

tuesdaypost

tried a new thing this week where i started drafting this as i went - so any time i read something that i wanted to put here, for example, i just slapped the link in to expand more on when i got around to finishing the post, yanno? i liked it, i think it made the whole process less "??? what did i do this week???" i also think i do like tuesday, actually, because it means i can put all my various weekend craftings/watching/playing in while it's still fresh in my mind.

because i noted things down as i went this is a RICH tuesdaypost, buckle up

listening

up to partizan 15! also been listening to fatt soundtracks as background while i work, it's very good for that.

reading

a looooot of bloodletter this week, notably all the tgcf and most of the mdzs fic, but especially both ways open jaws: delicious, pun intended. found it through this tumblr post of the art that's in one of the chapters. (saw dreamwidth user rigormorphis in the acknowledgement notes on there!!! [leonardo dicaprio pointing meme] i follow them on dreamwidth!! hello!) also read you were not mine to save by factorialrabbits: this isn't really how i understand nhs as a character, personally, but i liked the narrative structure a lot! read it because bloodletter wrote a fic that was inspired by it and i liked that one a lot too.

read some of the tgcf donghua just because i wanted to look at pretty pictures.

the poster's guide to the internet of the future by david pierce: interesting. i've never much thought about having all platforms be cross-connected and cross-interact-able and i'm not sure if it's something i would want, to be totally honest. i like certain things to be separate. we should all go back to geocities. (jk) (unless....)

caught up on the soft news newsletter by joy alicia raines, one that's been sticking in my head is the bit about 'but and therefore rule' from may

i started 'the house on vesper sands' by paraic o'donnell while i was at my grandma's because she had a copy in the guest room, read about the first 100 pages or so, liked it enough that i rented it from the library but we'll see if i finish it haha

playing

oh i'm DEEP in pokemon go again :p send me friend codes if you wanna be pokego friends!

watching

my grandma has been recommending peaky blinders to me for ages so when i visited her last week for thanksgiving i decided that if we started watching it while i was there i might keep watching it when i got home. i probably will! we watched the first three episodes while i was there, definitely has the Drama and Intrigue that i would expect, doesn't hurt that cillian murphy is easy on the eyes, etc.

as promised last week, i've watched the new tgcf episodes! as you can probably tell from my reading section, i am fully back in the tgcf brainworms, frothing at the mouth waiting for new episodes to get released

finished cowboy bebop with my bf, it was so good :( i think our next show is finishing kill la kill, i had him watch the first threeish episodes a while ago but might as well. also on the list to watch together is jujutsu kaisen, mob psycho, space dandy…feel free to rec!

making

continued progress of my big scarf! started what will hopefully be a very quick winter headband knit for my roommate's mom, i'm spending time with her over christmas and i'm absolutely sure she will get me a gift so i need something to give to her lol.

after tragically missing the deadline for secret samol i sent the tumblr account a message asking to be put on the pinch hitter list and it turned out that they were able to slide my entry in after the deadline!! so i got my secret samol assignment in my email on saturday and i'm VERY excited, there are some really good prompts and i have to figure out which is tickling my fancy and what medium to do it in…the funniest part of it is probably that my assignee is a geologist. like, what are the odds, right? (i am not a geologist by training but the research i do now for my phd is way closer to geology than i ever thought i would be. i wonder if they'll be at AGU in a few weeks…it's such a big conference so odds are slim but there's definitely a funny universe out there where i run into them without either of us realizing :b)

i spent most of sunday cozy inside because it was snowing out, and i did a lot of little mending tasks! i finally blocked out the tank top that i finished knitting a few months ago, fixed the lining for a cowl that i made in 2021, darned some socks + some holes in a shirt that i like…

(the Cowl Saga: i finished the object in 2021! it was a little scratchy so i made a cute lining out of matching plaid fleece! i never fucking wore it because it was too small and pressed on my nose uncomfortably and sucked to pull over my head!!!! so i went, damn, wait, i didn't block it. i bet i can make it a better size by blocking it. so this summer i took the lining back out and blocked it (and laid it in the sun to dry, so it FADED UNEVENLY because the yarn was just dyed with turmeric in 2020!! i am not a professional!!! so it definitely isn't colorfast!!!) and lo and behold, now it fits better! however now the lining was too damn small! so finally, FINALLY, i used some leftover plaid fleece scraps to patch in an extra panel to make it big enough! so now i can wear it! i wore it yesterday because it's finally cold enough!!!)

no pictures of me wearing the tank top because i don't love the fit…i have some spare bra inserts at home that i can get when i'm there for the holidays so hopefully sewing those in will help? i can't really wear a bra with it otherwise. despite using an old norwegian cast-on, which according to google is one of the stretchiest options, to wear it the hem is stretched completely taut so i probably should have sized up >:\ it was a fun project otherwise, might try it again with a different size/yarn/cast-on, perhaps without the waist increases.

also, started writing again?? something about glancing at my decade-old nanowrimo last week tickled my brain and i started poking at something inspired in that direction. no promises.

misc

i was thinking of getting a small keyboard for my ipad so i don't have to bring my whole laptop to a conference next week, i was discussing with my roommate, she was like "ah but they're sooo small…" i said "we have tiny hands, it's not a bad size for us", she goes "but they're scared of each other" which made me crack up. will probably try to go to best buy or something, one of the little logitech ones could be good, but also do i Need a keyboard?? will i actually type ANYTHING while i'm at this conference????? i doubt it. so maybe not huh my current week looks like powering through my poster for AGU, that way i can spend next week tweaking as needed and print a few days before travel…….fingers crossed. i laid that timeline out for my advisor yesterday and she nearly cried from how reasonable it was, apparently her last phd student was a "finish the poster on the plane and print the day of the presentation at the conference" kinda guy oops. :")

[chaotic-on-main]

Ok so levi just being cute lil grumpy levi just waiting for these 100°+ summer days to cool off into fall is on my mind 🍂

As well as tater tots. What aesthetic comes to mind for all that? 😅

HAHA omg I want tater tots SO BAD right now. There's this burger restaurant near me that has perFECTED their tots. They're always so crispy and hot and I just *internal screaming* I just love tater tots okay. Also grumpy Levi is always a good thing to have on the mind so I don't blame you. Levi brainrot 24/7 baybeee

Anyways you'd be surprised how fast this idea came to me!

I assign you the last few weeks of summer break spent on the beach pier where they might be celebrating a "Last Splash" of sorts! Where it's still warm out but not sweltering. You spent the whole day with friends/family riding rides and walking around the boardwalk. It's an hour or so til sunset, and you can't wait to see the sun kiss the horizon as well as all the colors that come with it. It's a clear evening with a gentle salty breeze that ruffles through your hair. In addition to the salty air, you smell delicious fried food from the vendors lining down the pier as well as sunscreen and sweat. People are laughing and dancing to live music that weaves in and out of various booths around you, the waves below your feet crashing gently. Your loved ones stand around you with various treats in their hands, taking pictures and laughing with you about a joke they heard from a passerby. The Edison lights strung through the pier railings start to flicker on for the incoming dark as the air starts cooling. But you're not afraid.

send me an ask with what's on your mind and I'll assign you one of my favorite aesthetics! 🌸

[yoshimonster]

Blog #10: Wrote this yesterday, so I'll post it tomorrow

Happy 10th post! I just posted my previous blog post which I’ve actually had written up for a couple days now and decided that why not get started on the next one because I’m feeling in a creative mood (and would love to procrastinate on my assignments). Speaking of, I do have to ramp up the studying – I did actually have a 2hr tutoring session yesterday and that did not go over well, as I only wrote less than 2 lines of code for something that most likely will be over 100 lines long. The plagiarism detectors have been getting stronger especially with AI legitimately taking over the world. It came out last year which was perfect timing as I used it to answer every single academic question I had under the sun. Apparently, it’s “dangerous” and doesn’t allow us to think, which I sort of agree with by the way – I found this out the hard way when I tried to use it do multiple mini assignments last semester; it was fruitless and studying will always remain studying.

Otherwise, things have really been ramping up in terms of the group project. A bunch of us are doing a hackathon this weekend and that means I have to wake up super early to get through content/study so I can keep working on the project moving forward – I’ve been lacking these past few days because of the mental exhaustion that comes with having such shaky academic foundation vs your midterms. The routine is getting better slowly, though the casual parading around that things are fine really hasn’t. I think being more indirectly honest is helping much more, though the thing about that is the person who is receiving the information. Like the main culprits have way too much time on their hands while the other culprits are super busy and see me stressed out all the time to even care (cause we’ve been taking our subjects together lol). That’s the environment to see me get the most annoyed haha.

I’ve been feeling better since the last blog post, because signing up for these hackathons means I can skip dance class which is a different type of gymnastics. The dance classes aren’t actually aerobic in the slightest as it’s more of a traditional dance and therefore it’s not floaty like in those reality dance shows. I personally enjoy the semi-classical (as anyone would) where you get to look and feel elegant, without the rigid pure-math structure and also I really enjoy a lot of folk songs which typically get a lot of mixed responses depending on how idiotic we have to look on stage while performing them. These days, as in from August to December is festive season and essentially lots of dance groups from my city are asked to perform for various events or the dance heads volunteer their groups so that the dance schools can get more exposure at this type of prime time. I feel like that would be one of the reasons I would hate to be a real professional dancer (aside from the fact that dancing 24/7 is it’s own type of dedication) because of the seasonal nature of it. A lot of times if I’m not using a skill on the regular I will most likely forget a lot of it. Though yes festive season this year has been really up and down in terms of performances, and at an all time high in terms of family parties. Just this past month has been the quiet before the storm with invites reaching for the end of October and early November, in my case it’s mostly been end of year catchups being planned, though the family events have become insanely packed.

Otherwise, I took a mini-break to listen to my friend rant about a really horrible pushing of boundaries and it just reaffirmed the idea that subtle cues/non-cues even can give away so much. Sort of like being really conscious of yourself, what you mean and how the other person sees your intentions – and the importance of having really strong mental and physical health and overall firmness. I remember realising this a while ago, when something similar happened, though luckily I was able to get out of it by navigating really carefully and moving past most negative thoughts as fast as possible. It actually took me a while to accept things overall but the fact that I was guided into being really firm helped lessen the blow for sure and allowed me space to breathe and consider how I felt. A lot of the time, it’s so hard to be aware of your own thoughts/feelings when you fixate on others’ perceptions. I’m actually really excited to take things as they come, even though I will need to plan for things in advance for logistical and sanity purposes. It’s been much nicer dealing with things this way because it reminds me things don’t just end; they usually accumulate. Speaking of, I probably should get back to semi-cramming but still keep my head above water.

-yoshimonster-