Stupid ╾ L
WOAH FROM DEC 2023 AND FINALLY FINISHED!!!! YIPPEE!!!
you decide to drop in on L's work with a basket of homemade sweets and it does not go as expected.
reader is kind of stupid + L is kind of a dick. y/a is your alias. It switches from past to present tense near the end. I'm terrible at writing arguments or plot. 🫡
this is a longer one.
★━━─・‥…━━━☆
Boring.
Boring, boring, boring.
You were stuck in a hotel room while L worked on something. He was being particularly cryptic about the case he was working on, more so than usual, and he hadn't texted you even a word in the past week or so. All you knew was that it was very dangerous, so much so that L had pushed his pride to the side for one minute (just the one, mind you) to outright plead that you stay on lockdown until he “figured a few things out.”
So here you were: in a big hotel room that you wished was smaller because it just reminded you L wasn't there.
And you. were. BORED.
Sighing as you rolled over to check your phone again, you groaned at the continued absence of any contact from L. You didn't think you were overly needy, though you were likely much much more so than L anticipated, but it wasn't too much to ask for the occasional confirmation he was still alive, right?
Maybe you'd drop in on him.
Yes, that was it! You knew where he was each week thanks to Watari, the wonderful old man, and surely if you knocked on the hotel door he'd open it at least long enough for you to give him a kiss hello. You did a little dance of delight and started preparing a basket of sweets to bring your boyfriend at his work.
The good thing about such an unnecessarily large hotel room was that it had a wonderful kitchen. Watari had been bringing you plenty of groceries, and as you enjoyed baking and could use it to pass the time, there were ample resources to create the desserts of L's dreams. Strawberry cheesecake with sweet white icing. Gingerbread men accompanied by marshmallow snowmen. L was always grumbling about sweets that they only made for holidays and never the rest of the year. A couple of assorted wrapped sweets and lollipops went in their own jar, tied up neatly with a gold ribbon and finished with a tag that read "sweets for my sweet." A little corny and over the top, sure, but perhaps it would soften L's seemingly stony cold exterior. And of course pastries too, croissants with chocolate melted all over them and caramel slice and scones with plentiful amounts of jam and cream.
Stepping back, you nodded, pleased at your creations. Another chunk of time fell away in the kitchen as you cleaned up the flour and bowls.
And then: off to L!
You took your basket with you, smiling stupidly wide all the way from your hotel room to the one L's staying in, a good half of the city away. Beaming, you threw open the door.
"Hello, Law—"
A hand was slammed against your mouth and L manhandled you into the wall, glaring. "You stupid idiot," he whispered, and your eyes chose that moment to meet the group of unfamiliar men scattered around the room.
...
Oh, no.
And you almost said his name. Your head dropped and you curled into yourself a little, heart beating fast and eyes downturned.
L let you down, gaze still cold, and turned back to the men.
You sighed and noted that your basket had fallen to the floor. Of course you had dropped it when he pinned you to the wall. Half of the sweets were ruined. "I thought you said I could come today," you told L's back.
"No, I said you couldn't come today." L turned back to give you another glare, then sighed. He never stays angry for long, or at least never stays hot headed about it. "I suppose it is in reason that you misheard. It was only the 'n't' that makes a difference and I do have a tendency to speak quietly. Very well, y/a. This is the Task Force: Aizawa, Ukita, Mogi..."
Greeting each of them with a small smile and nod, you wished you could just have an empty room and L. It had been a while. You had missed him. But no, here you had to stand, greeting these men in ties and suits.
They seemed nice enough, at least, but you really just wanted to melt into a puddle of shame thanks to their first impression of you.
L let you hang around for the rest of the day. You gave him the sweets which hadn't been ruined and went to work cleaning up the rest, and then moped, all of which took most of the time before the Task Force members began filing out the door, home to their families.
And then there you were.
Home with L.
He stared at you for a moment, his hands in his pockets, then spun around on a heel and hopped into his chair.
Back to work. Of course he was.
"Can we talk?"
"About what, y/a?" And he was still using your alias. For safety, sure, but also an emotional barrier between you. A veneer of professionalism, a clear wall of you are someone else that is hard to break through. "I do not want to get angry at you, and I'm not, but you have a tendency to say things that clash with what I see to be the truth if we—" two long fingers curling into quote marks— "'talk' after these situations." He turns so he can see you out of one eye, two fingers on his lip and one on his chin. "And I don't like being disagreed with."
You huff. "For one thing, that's a very unhealthy mindset."
L sighs and gives in to the fact this is happening, letting his fingers rest at the edge of the keyboard.
"For another, you can't just lock me up in a hotel and expect me to stay put every time you're working on a big case! You take a lot of big cases!" No, he doesn't do it all the time; he did THIS time, though, and you're suddenly realising just how pissed off you are.
"I'm not some pet or hopeless little child!" You spit the words. "Yeah, what I did today was stupid, but you're being stupid too!
"I hate it! I hate it! You can work and not lock me out! I don't need to see what you're doing or be in close quarters but at least let me know you're still alive once in a while! Or if you don't give a shit enough about me to do that, let me have control over my own fucking life! You don't have the right to tell me that I have to stay inside, have to use a burner phone, have to keep fifteen blocks away at a minimum! You don't have the right to do all that and then completely ignore me! You don't have the right!" And your voice is sore, now, but you're inhaling to keep going, keep screaming at the man you love, tell him how much you hate him how much he clearly hates you and should just leave already but–
"Are you done?" Static, cold.
You shut your mouth and sit down. Yes. You're done.
And L stands now, walks towards you. "Do you know why I do all that, yn? Why I insist you don't come near me while I work? Why I don't text you every morning on your personal phone? It's because this. Is. Dangerous." He is right above you now, staring down, blinking more than usual and eyelashes pressing down hard. Upset. "This is dangerous, do you understand? I could die. YOU COULD DIE."
"I," you say, and don't get any further.
"I don't want you to feel trapped, I don't want you to feel resentful and hateful and miserable." Or maybe he does. Maybe he does want you to run away, because you could die and he's terrible. L doesn't say that. "It's for your own good! It's for your own safety! It's because I'm scared you're going to die, yn, it's because I love you!"
He's screamed.
L never screams.
You stare at each other for a moment and L looks as shocked and scared with those wide panda eyes as you feel. A long long moment. He's biting his lip.
You reach your arms up and he hugs you suddenly and very very tightly.
"You're always using that to win arguments, you know," you mutter into his shoulder.
"Mm." L kisses you on the head. His eyes are closed, lips together and thin. He seems tired. He always seems tired. You need to talk. You need to find a balance, something healthy, something safe.
But not right now. You are tired too.
"...I love you too," you whisper.
★━━─・‥…━━━☆
𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜
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