#but they refuse to take me with them (ultimate betrayal)

[discoscoob]

✧ ˚ BREAK THE CHAIN

˙ ✩°˖🏛️ ⋆｡˚ Donnie Barksdale x Reader x Kevin Lomax

CW: toxic and abusive marriage, physical abuse, possessive and jealous behaviour, threats of violence.

Synopsis: during the turmoil of your divorce proceedings against your abusive husband, you and your lawyer confront your husband's relentless refusal to accept the end of your marriage. 2.6k words.

˙ ✩°˖🏛️ ⋆｡˚

“How can he do this? How can he get away with spewing such venomous lies about me? He knows the truth. He knows what he put me through. Why can’t he just admit it?!” you emerge from the courthouse, alongside your lawyer Kevin, trying to seek some reassurance after yet another gruelling day in your divorce hearing. You’re on the verge of tears, wondering how much more of this you can take before you reach breaking point.

In a desperate attempt to tarnish your reputation and undermine your credibility, your soon-to-be-ex-husband, Donnie, and his sleaze-ball of a lawyer, hurled accusations of infidelity and deceit against you, claiming that any abuse you endured during your marriage had not been at the hands of your husband. His entire defence was built on a lie, shifting the accusation of abuse onto fabricated lovers, stating that you were trying to pin the blame on him and make him out to be a monster.

The touch of Kevin’s hand grounds you, takes control and pulls you back to reality before you spiral any further. Gently brushing the soft pad of his thumb against your knuckles, you can’t help but compare how smooth and gentle his hands feel to the rough and calloused texture you were used to feeling from Donnie’s.

“Listen to me,” Kevin’s velvet tone pulls your focus away from your intertwined hands and you look up into his gentle eyes that are full of calm determination. “Donnie is grasping at straws, he can make as many accusations as he pleases just don’t let them get to you. These claims only show how desperate he is to regain control over the narrative. His lies hold no weight in the eyes of the law, they’re nothing but baseless accusations. We have the truth on our side, nothing can change that.”

“What if the truth isn’t enough?” you worry, casting your gaze downward. Your mind is plagued with doubt, brought on by the accusations of betrayal to dismantle your claims of abuse.

“Trust me, Y/N,” Kevin gently takes your chin between his finger and thumb to guide your gaze back towards him. “I’ve got this, alright? Donnie will slip up eventually.” promise radiates from his gaze, while he speaks with unwavering confidence.

For Kevin, litigating a case is like playing chess, he has the skill to anticipate every move the opposition will make and he has every counterattack planned in advance. He knows when to sit back and observe and when to strike, possessing the ability to unravel an opponents case with strategic attacks that ultimately secure victories for his clients. He has no reason to believe this case will be any different.

You draw strength from Kevin’s optimism, like a soothing balm over your doubts and anxieties, once again the gentle brush of his thumb against your knuckles grounds you.

“If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I could get through this.” you mumble as you rest your forehead against Kevin’s shoulder, in return you feel his arm wrap around you, offering the comfort you were seeking.

“Enough of that,” Kevin’s melodic accent whispers in your ear, soft and mellow, as he pulls you closer. “You’re strong, Y/N, stronger than you know, you hear me? I’ll be by your side you every step of the way but don’t for a second underestimate your own strength and resilience.”

Before you can respond, the shrill sound of Kevin’s ringtone interrupts the moment. Withdrawing his embrace, he digs into his suit pocket to pull out his phone and inspect the caller ID.

“I oughta take this real quick. Wait right here, I won’t be a minute.” he sighs while offering an apologetic glance for the disturbance. Your focus lingers on Kevin as he jogs down the remaining steps of the courthouse to take his call in private.

As you stand alone, your attention focused on Kevin as he takes his call, Donnie lurks in the distance, like a predator stalking its prey. His menacing glare is pinned directly on you as he seizes the opportunity and closes in on you. Only once his rough grip is sending a jolt of pain through your arm, do you realise you’re no longer alone.

“We need us a li’l chat away from all these folk tryna fill your head with bullshit.” Donnie’s menacing drawl growls in your ear, dripping with venom as he roughly hauls you to the secluded side of the courthouse, away from prying eyes.

“That slick-talkin’ lawyers got some nerve wrappin’ his arms ‘round what don’t belong to him, I reckon he’s tryna steal you away from me.” Donnie’s rugged face is inches from yours as he cages you in against the red brick wall. “Now you might think I’m stupid but I ain’t blind to what’s been happenin’. You and that fancy lawyer of yours been fuckin’ for months behind my back, ain’t that right?”

“No, Donnie.” your breath shudders through your quivering voice as your estranged husband intimidatingly looms over you. “You’re wrong.”

“Bullshit, Y/N!” Donnie’s tone is laced with distrust as he narrows his suspicious eyes down at you. “Ain’t no way you’d be divorcin’ me if it weren’t for that son-of-a-bitch tryna lead you astray. He’s the one behind this whole fuckin’ mess, whispering his poison in your ear since the start, ‘cause I know you ain’t got the money for no know-it-all lawyer like him, so somethin’ ain’t adding up right.”

“Donnie, that’s enough. Let her go.” Your heart leaps at the sound of Kevin’s commanding voice breaking through the tense atmosphere.

Donnie’s head whips around in the lawyers direction with thunderous expression. “Mind your business, Lomax. This is between me and my wife.”

“It is my business when someone’s threatening my client.” Kevin stands his ground as he confidently steps between you and Donnie. “Now leave her alone otherwise you’ll leave me no choice but to get the police involved. And I’ll give you this tip for free, Donnie — getting arrested for harassment sure as shit ain’t gonna do your case any favours. So if I were you, I’d be on my way.”

With a huff through his flared nostrils and his chest heaving with rage, Donnie begrudgingly relents and takes a step back. “This ain’t over, you hear me?” he stubbornly reminds you both as he takes leisurely steps back with his chin raised in defiance. “I’ll be damned if I let any man think he can steal what’s mine.”

With one final menacing glare, Donnie storms off towards his pickup truck leaving you trembling against the brick wall as all the tension floods out your body. Kevin’s arms are around you within an instant, offering you the security and care you desperately need.

“Told you he’d slip up, didn’t I?” Kevin’s voice carries a subtle note of triumph as he rests his chin against the top of your head.

˙ ✩°˖🏛️ ⋆｡˚

“Mr. Barksdale, earlier in this trial, you made some rather bold accusations against my client, Mrs. Y/N Barksdale. Accusations of infidelity and deceit. Is that correct?” With a professional tone, Kevin addresses Donnie, who is sitting at the witness stand.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Donnie responds as he shifts uncomfortably, his dark eyes bounce between you and Kevin.

“And yet, despite the seriousness of these accusations, you have provided no evidence to support these claims.” Kevin confidently paces in front of the witness stand but his challenging glare never leaves Donnie. “Meanwhile my client, Mrs. Barksdale has provided the court with medical records documenting incidents of abuse at your hands.”

You notice a subtle twitch on Donnie’s face as he momentarily glances away, a sight you were all too familiar with when he was trying to hold back the anger that was starting to boil beneath the surface.

“Just ‘cause she got some bruises don’t mean I put them there.” Donnie shrugs, triggering an uncomfortable twist in your gut as you watch him so nonchalantly reject accountability for the hell he put you through.

"Mr. Barksdale, the medical records clearly indicate patterns of injury consistent with physical abuse," Kevin rebuts, while maintaining a firm and professional manner. "These are not just 'some bruises.' They are documented evidence of repeated incidents of violence against my client."

"Just 'cause she's got some marks, suddenly it's all my fault?” he scoffs, his voice laced with contempt. “Them injuries could've come from any one of them men she was runnin' around with behind my back.”

“You know, Mr. Barksdale, it's getting rather tiresome hearing about these mysterious lovers of Mrs. Barksdale's that you've yet to prove the existence of.” Kevin rolls his eyes as a note of boredom enters his tone.

Donnie’s jaw clenches tightly as he glares at Kevin, fury burning within the dark shadows of his eyes and his nostrils flaring as he barely maintains his composer. A pulsating vein on the side of his neck displays the rage that is threatening to erupt at any moment. Donnie decides to keep his lips sealed.

“Mr. Barksdale, during your marriage to Mrs. Y/N Barksdale, did you ever exhibit signs of jealousy or possessiveness.” Kevin smoothly continues his cross examination, undeterred by Donnie’s visible signs of anger.

Donnie’s face twitches with irritation as he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his darkened gaze briefly flickers in your direction before settling back on Kevin.

“I fail to see how it’s any of your damn business.” Donnie’s voice is twinged with the slightest hint of a growl as his chest starts visibly heaving with his poorly concealed rage.

“Order!” The judge immediately scolds Donnie for the slip of his tongue. “Answer the question, Mr. Barksdale.”

“I reckon every man’s got a right to protect what belongs to him.” Donnie finally admits through thinly veiled irritation.

“Is that what you call it, Mr. Barksdale?” Kevin leans forward slightly, as he steps closer to the witness stand. “Is that what you were doing yesterday, outside this very courthouse, when you forcibly hauled my client out of sight of any potential witnesses and pinned her against a wall with the intention of intimidating her?”

Leaning forward in his seat, Donnie grips the edge of the witness stand until his knuckles turn white. “You got some goddamn nerve twistin’ the truth like that.” his menacing voice rises with fury. “I was tryna have a private conversation with my wife but you can’t resist stickin’ your nose where it don’t belong. You’re nothin’ but a snake in a fancy suit, tryna fill my wife’s head with your poison and steal her away for yourself but I ain’t gonna let you have her. She’s my goddamn wife! Mine! She belongs to me and no ones gonna tell me any different!”

“Order!” once again the judge pipes up with an authoritative tone, trying to control Donnie’s outburst. “Mr. Barksdale, I will not tolerate that kind of hostility in my court! This is your final warning.”

“Your honour, I believe Mr. Barksdale’s temperament speaks for itself,” Kevin calmly addresses the judge in a composed manner. “His outburst here today offers us a glimpse at the mere surface of the ongoing abuse and intimation my client has endured throughout her marriage to Mr. Barksdale. I have no further questions.”

“Mr. Barksdale, you are on thin ice. One more outburst like that, and I will hold you in contempt of court. Do you understand?” The judge turns to Donnie with a disapproving frown after acknowledging Kevin’s statement.

Donnie offers the judge a curt nod, but the his clenched jaw and sneering expression betray the anger that is still running through his veins like boiling hot magma.

As soon as Kevin sits back down beside you, your hand is immediately enveloped by his, the soft touch is a soothing comfort easing the discomfort and tension that still lingers within from Donnie’s outburst.

“You alright?” Kevin whispers, his eyes radiating concern as gives your hand a gentle squeeze, understanding how triggering hearing Donnie’s outburst might have been for you. When you offer him a silent nod, he sends you a wink that you find comforting, as it showcases his ease and confidence. “It’s almost over now.”

˙ ✩°˖🏛️ ⋆｡˚

“After careful consideration of the evidence presented in this case, it is clear to this court that Mrs. Y/N Barksdale has endured significant hardship and abuse at the hands of her husband, Mr. Donnie Barksdale. Therefore, it is the ruling of this court that the divorce petition filed by Mrs. Y/N Barksdale be granted. Additionally, a restraining order shall be issued against Mr. Donnie Barksdale, prohibiting any contact with Mrs. Barksdale or her immediate family. Furthermore, Mr. Donnie Barksdale shall be required to undergo anger management counselling and attend regular check-ins with a court-appointed counsellor to ensure compliance with the terms of this ruling.” As the judge announces the ruling, a wave of overwhelming relief rips through your body. Raising a trembling hand to you mouth you sob into your palm as you look at Kevin, just to make sure you are hearing correctly.

The smile of triumph Kevin’s face is enough to confirm that you weren’t imagining it, as sobs of relief continue to shake through you, Kevin pulls you into his embrace. Leaving a kiss on your forehead, his soft hand gently strokes your back, soothing the overwhelming emotion that has taken over your senses. His comforting clean scent envelopes you as you burrow into the crook of his neck and wrap your own arms around his shoulders.

“Let’s get you outta here.” Kevin whispers in your ear, before he helps you out your seat, a sturdy arm around your waist keeping you steady. Only once your on your feet do you realise Donnie is being restrained by security as his fury filled eyes glare daggers at you full of unrestrained rage and malice.

“You filthy whore! You connivin’ bitch! You think you can just walk away from me?!” Donnie’s thunderous voice echos through the courtroom as he’s held back by two security guards, his body thrashing to escape their unyielding hold. His long hair flying around his face as he spits and snarls like a wild beast. “You’ll never get rid of me! You and that damn fuckin’ snake of a lawyer! I’ll hunt you both down, you fuckin’ hear me?”

Kevin tries to get you away from the commotion as quickly as possible with a protective arm around you, urging you to not look at your now ex-husband as he swiftly ushers you out of the courthouse.

As the sunlight strokes your face, you take a deep breath of the cool breeze that welcomes you like a reprieve, sweeping away any echo of Donnie’s rage that still rung in your ears. You lean into Kevin’s side, grateful for his steady and calm presence beside you.

“You’re free now, Y/N. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Kevin whispers into your ear with a confident assurance, dismissing the validity of Donnie’s threats. When you lean your head against his shoulder, he cups the nape of your neck before leaving a tender his on your temple.

“I wanna get away from here.” you whisper, as Kevin gently tilts your chin up to meet his warm gaze.

“I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go.” Kevin promises without any hesitation, “just tell me where.”

Kevin’s promise makes anything seem possible, like no dream is too big and by his side you truly feel like the world is your oyster.

“I’ve always wanted to visit New York…” you look up at Kevin, your eyes over brimming with hope for a new beginning.

“New York it is.” Kevin smiles down at you, mirroring the yearning for an adventure in your eyes and he takes your hand in his and leads you towards his convertible.

⋆｡°✩ note i: in the beginning I kinda wanted to leave Kevin and readers relationship up to interpretation but I think that ending gives away the fact that they’re a little more than just lawyer and client.

⋆｡°✩ note ii: I have an idea for a prequel revolved around how Kevin and reader met and began their affair which I might work on depending on the response to this fic!

[mondaymelon]

me n who ?!?!?!? ME N WHO GUYS ...

picrews: 1 2 3 4

mking silly girlfailure picrews are the only thing saving my sanity which took quite a number of blows today ( its hanging on by the measliest thread but i think its better to consider it go n e )

anyways i wanna make a silly tag game so we are going to make a silly tag game because in the wise words of martin luther king i think wait it was probably gandhi "be the change you wish to see in the world" arent i so cool guys im taking like the first step forward and :stareyes: ahahah

(no pressure) tags !! 🏷️ : @cienxpidity, @ilyuu, @anonbinaryweirdo, @suntoru, @tuesdayberries, @lume-nosity, @mrcrazyvillainvillainn, @ceneid, @amalythea, @xianyoon, @aeon-yao, @ryuryuryuyurboat, @auroratumbles, @snobwaffles, @the-white-void + everyone i probably forgot to tag (SPS IM SORRY) n anyone else whod like to join !!

[bearhugsandshrugs]

Gortash scolding Karlach for not “seizing power” in Avernus in Zariel’s court speaks volumes to me. Like he convinced himself he gave her a chance to be “more” than she was.

Similar to how he was traded to a warlock and ended up at Raphael’s HoH, learning about the Crown of Karsus there. He knows his parents were horrible (seeing as he tadpoles them) but their betrayal, his fate as a prisoner of Raphael, is something he hasn’t processed and instead filed under: “I made the best out of a horrible situation”.

Come to think of it, the fact that Gortash is explicitly listed as a prisoner that “escaped” from Raphael is relevant too. Raphael doesn’t really keep children prisoners. Look at Mol: Mol isn’t forced to stay in the HoH. Korilla was given a choice. So was Hope. Only those that defy Raphael so openly and that he truly cares about suffer the fate of being his prisoners. Raphael prefers to utilize their skills, and Gortash was nothing if not talented and ambitious.

I think little Enver did not want to bend. Did not want to be a servant, no matter how autonomous. I guess the hunger for power was always there, and when his parents betrayed him, that just shot up to a million, making him refuse Raphael almost out of spite.

So instead he made plans to escape. And executed them. Successfully. He came out of that situation stronger (or so he thinks, ignoring the emotionally stunted growth he had).

Him selling out Karlach is a consequence of all that. He knows it’s the ultimate betrayal. But similar to how Durge had something good in them despite their upbringing, so did Gortash – and that part of him speaks in that scene. It’s so loudly telling Karlach she should have seized power because that’s the only way to assuage the guilt. He was giving her a chance, you see? To be more. To share his fate. To rise beyond.

Imagine Karlach taking down Zariel. Potentially ruling the first Hell, the realm that houses Raphael’s HoH no less. Imagine Gortash ruling over Faerûn with Karlach ruling the Hells. They would have been glorious. His friend, ascended, bonded by the same trauma. A cycle of abuse repeating endlessly. No wonder he is angry. No wonder he despises her for not “rising” beyond her fate.

Karlach is the living, breathing example of clinging to love and hope despite the betrayal, despite the trauma. She is the living, breathing reminder that he could, too.

[sticks-and-souls]

Anakin & Letting Go

I always found it to be a little skeptical that Anakin could become a force ghost after it took Yoda, Qui Gon, and Obi-Wan learning and training how to do it, and I always thought “really? Anakin? Finding that level of peace and letting go?” But after this episode, seeing the care and lesson that he imparts upon Ahsoka that he learned so painfully, I understand it from him so much better. Vader was so stuck in his complete self-hatred that he allowed nobody who had known him before as Anakin to reach him (most notably Obi-Wan and Ahsoka) because of the overwhelming extent of his shame. It took his son, who had never known him and yet who still stood before him and believed in him, loved him, sacrificed himself for him, to call Anakin back from the depths of Vader. And this Anakin, let everything go to save his son and to allow his son to save him.

And it felt so impactful to get to see this mature post-Vader Anakin reaching out to Ahsoka to teach her this very hard-earned lesson that he took the very hard road to get. Because she has Vader in her. She is everything Anakin taught her, and we saw the behaviors that led Anakin to becoming Vader—the fear of losing his most cherished relationships—reaching out of Anakin very early in the clone wars (and before) and the two of them are both very aware that he imparted those lessons on her. And then we've seen across this season—and overtly in her clone wars flashbacks—that she believes she is inextricable from these traits.

I’ve always loved Anakin as a fictional character, getting to see his earnestness, his flawedness, and his intensity (to borrow Huyang’s very accurate adjective), but this episode brought a level of humanity to him that has moved me so deeply. Life is HARD, loss gets forced on all of us no matter what, and the lessons that we learn through mistakes that we made can be extremely painful because acknowledging and taking responsibility for hurting people is actually really painful for humans (not owning up to our actions is the emotionally easier choice and George Lucas has stated time and again that the Dark Side is about taking the short-term easier choices). But it ultimately means that learning from your mistakes is an actual choice you have to MAKE. And this is the core of Anakin’s lesson. He is teaching Ahsoka that she has to choose which lessons he has taught her that she will live by, but more than that, that she is empowered to be able to choose. Yes, she has everything that he taught her—the good and the bad—but she is not condemned to live out all of the lessons. 

And the beauty of it isn't just the lesson, but that Anakin gets to be the one to teach it to her. The betrayal that she experienced in discovering his fall, the taintedness that she has been portraying that she feels about herself, gets specifically addressed because if he figured it out, then she definitely can too. If he is more than just Vader, then she is too. And THAT is what the "Is that what this is about?" line is actually about. It's so so important that we get to see pre-Vader, Vader, and post-Vader across her vision because the point is that yes, Vader is a part of him, and that brilliant shot of the two of them glaring Sith eyes across the blade at each other did it's job in conveying that Ahsoka is capable of that darkness too, but you are not only the darkness. You get to choose. ("You're more than [death and destruction] because I'm more than that"). And more to the point, you have to choose. Because if you don't specifically choose to fight the dark, then you're ultimately choosing to fall into it. "Fight or die."

So for Anakin to be able to reach out to her one more time, to be able to love her the way he, as Vader, had refused to the last time when they met on Malachor, and to open with “you’re never too old to learn”, because god if he didn’t learn that the hard way too. And to be able to pass on to Ahsoka how to actually let go because he himself had only just finally been able to learn it as well, feels so powerful and poignant.

And that look of pride and wistful sadness that he gives her at the end? That both she and Luke were able to learn so quickly what took him so long? And that maybe, he may have helped save her from the worst traits that he imbued upon her? That’s him having let go of his own shame. He feels grief, he feels guilt—we can see it on his face—but what has happened has happened and he has accepted that, and finally learned that letting go doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means it doesn't have to define your actions going forward.

And finally, it’s also him letting go of ahsoka. By teaching her that she will choose her destiny, he has to accept that he cannot control it either. And he has. “There’s hope for you yet.” 

So yeah, Anakin learned to let go, and getting to see him here, in this headspace of acceptance and peace, practicing and understanding what it means to be a Jedi, was so unexpectedly cathartic and revelatory for me as viewer. 

[yandere-romanticaa]

Imagine how annoyed chuuya would be to know that dazai gets to visit his children more than he does. Dazai said chuuya's kids are cute and he can see the resemblance between you and chuuya. Meanwhile chuuya's agonizing over the betrayal he feels that his kids sees Dazai as their favourite uncle.

You actually gave me an idea.

Bitter ex! Dazai who can't get you back because you fell in love with Chuuya. Dazai is a loose canon and after months of dealing with his crap you broke it off with him. Naturally, he never left you be and would still cling onto you and he outright refused to take no for an answer. As if the stars themselves decided to bless you, Chuuya came in like a knight in shining armor and helps you out in any way he can. It just so happens that the two of you got drunk and hooked up one evening, oops. Dazai never forgave either one of you for that and absolutely seethes with blinding fury but he can't do anything. However, patience is a virtue and Dazai has that covered in spades.

Bitter ex Dazai! who is there for you during the entire pregnancy, despite you telling him to go away. Chuuya has everything covered but Dazai is relentless. The mafioso wants to punch his lights out but deep down he's just a little bit grateful for the fact that the moron is there for you. He is beyond suspicious of him though and never allows him to be too long with you though. Chuuya has his hands full with mafia business which unfortunately doesn't allow him much spare time and that makes him miserable. He is beyond happy to be a father.

Bitter ex Dazai! who constantly fantasizes about that baby being his own. While he is spending more time with you it's ultimately Chuuya who owns your heart. That is his baby you're carrying, 50% of the child in your belly is alllllll him. Whenever he's alone with his thoughts the detective seethes with rage and drinks until he passes out. He drinks so much that he has been banned from entering several establishments but Dazai doesn't care, he wants you back.

Bitter ex Dazai! who always volunteers to babysit your kids and becomes so close to them that over the years they see him as an uncle. Happy chants of "Uncle Dazai!" and "Is Uncle coming over?" are common place in your household and this thrills the man. Their dear old dad is always so busy, of course their loving uncle is going to take them out! Ah, why doesn't mommy come out to play as well? It'll be so much fun! Chuuya ends up sidelining everything and it makes him want to die.

Bitter ex Dazai! who starts to slip up and his intentions start to show - his gaze lingers on your body far more often than it should, his hand is always on either your lower back or thigh and absolutely everything he does could easily be tipped over the edge of you caved in. He ultimately drops the mask one day in front of Chuuya though - he comes home to see his wife and kids fast asleep on the couch, all of them cuddled in Dazai's arms. The detective has a wolfish grin on his face and his eyes are gleefully smug. In his eyes, he has won. It is only a matter of time until Dazai stops being Uncle and becomes Dad.

[wttcsms]

headcanons about the timeskip/pro!bllk boys’ good luck charms that are connected to you

ft. yoichi isagi, rin itoshi, hyoma chigiri

yoichi isagi + totoro plushie !

✧˖° during one of his breaks in between the football season, yoichi visits you at your college campus the same weekend they’re hosting a little fundraising festival!

✧˖° one of the booths featured plushies as prizes, and one in particular catches your eye: the totoro one!!! you know your boyfriend loves that movie, and he’s already won every other game in this festival. he also refuses to let you carry anything when he’s around, so his arms are just full from hauling the enormous stuffed animal he won you, gift bags full of homemade jewelry and baked goods from every stall, and his personal favorite, a strip of photos of you two taken in one of the photo booths.

✧˖° he’s telling you that he doesn’t need you to win him anything, but you’re so excited to “pay him back” for everything he’s gotten you that all he can do is smile and watch as you earnestly try to win him the prize.

✧˖° he flies back to the country where his team is playing at next, this time with a new traveling companion: totoro the plushie 🥹

✧˖° now begins a new ritual: everywhere he goes, your yoichi brings alongside his travel buddy and sends you pics of them. goofy shots of him asleep with his mouth wide open and totoro resting on his chest while he’s on a airplane or he’s holding up totoro in front of an iconic landmark wherever he is. his favorite pregame ritual now, though, is taking a picture of the plushie sitting on the bench and sending you a text that says totoro says you need to wish me luck! 😄

rin itoshi + friendship bracelet !

✧˖° rin doesn’t do too well with trusting people; he’s gotten better at it as he grew older and slowly got over what he considered to be sae’s betrayal, but there’s still a tiny part of him that tells him everyone he loves or trusts will ultimately leave him.

✧˖° the frayed friendship bracelet that he doesn’t keep on his wrist but is tucked safely in a pocket inside his gym bag proves that at least one person will stay by his side.

✧˖° you gifted him a friendship bracelet during valentine’s day when the two of you were in primary school. even when the two of you both went into high school and ultimately drifted apart, he still hung on to the bracelet, subconsciously clinging onto the hope that you would magically come back.

✧˖° the two of you reconnect during the shibuya trip, and he knows everything is going to be alright when he looks down and sees you still have the matching bracelet on your wrist.

✧˖° he doesn’t look at it before every game; just knowing that it’s secured safely in his bag is enough to calm him down.

✧˖° one time he did lose it, and he accused every single one of his teammates of stealing it and was in a god awful mood the entire game. (he bought a new gym bag and didn’t completely finish transferring over all the stuff from his old bag to the new one.)

hyoma chigiri + your hair tie !

✧˖° chigiri does not like people touching his hair without his permission. you are the only person in the world he would ever allow to get away with messing with his hair whenever you please.

✧˖° one day he’s running late for a game and realizes he forget to bring any extra elastics to tie up his hair to play.

✧˖° you show up to the stadium a little bit after he does, and one of his teammates is sprinting to you, begging you to do anything. confused and a little anxious, you follow him to the locker room, only to see a very exasperated and irritated chigiri.

✧˖° a teammate explains that he offered up a hair tie already but chigiri had claimed it was too cheap and would ruin his hair, not to mention that it would probably loosen during the game.

✧˖° you resist the urge to laugh at your boyfriend; even when begging, he’s still so picky. luckily enough for him, you keep an extra hair tie on you and after being with chigiri for so long, you’re already familiar with his brand preferences.

✧˖° chigiri refuses to play any match without this hair tie after performing a hat trick during that game. when he’s not using the hair tie during a match, you’ll see the tie on his wrist.

[idkhowtopickausername]

It’s so significant to me how Utena and Anthy’s motivations are so complex and how that manifests in the finale, like Utena asserting that she’s going to be a prince right after Akio tried to coerce her into taking on the princess role is simultaneously an act of defiance and a way of reasserting the aspects of her gender and sexuality that the idea of princehood came to represent to her after Akio tried to stamp them out of her, and also a somewhat sincere attempt at expressing her intent to help Anthy, but it’s also regressing to an idea of self-centered heroism that she acknowledged to Anthy the night before as a form of betrayal. And this is true of what the idea of princehood represents to her throughout the story—it was an idea given to her by Dios that ultimately feeds back into the academy’s hierarchical system, but it comes to represent a variety of things to her, some of which are good and some of which aren’t.

Anthy stabbing Utena is simultaneously a self-destructive act of pessimism and a refusal to accept the possibility of love and hope for herself, a sincere attempt at protecting Utena from a worse fate, and a manifestation of accumulated bitterness and mistrust towards Utena’s willful ignorance and tendency towards casting herself as the hero at Anthy’s expense. They acknowledge how they have betrayed each other on the rooftop and then go on to betray each other again in much the same way—Utena saying she will become a prince and be the one who frees Anthy, and Anthy leading Utena into a fight that she doesn’t believe she can win and using Utena’s instinct to help her as a way to get behind her and stab her.

[fan-a-tink]

Wille & his family

If you think about it, Young royals is a story of many journeys, but one of the most central ones has been Wille’s journal away from his family. 

He starts the series with his family deciding that he will change schools. He tells them he doesn’t want to but is ignored. When Erik dies he spends what feels like two days with his family, trying to grieve together, but his mother immediately tries to get him involved in his role as crown prince. After all the shit with the video been leaked, his mother makes Wille apologize for it (still think this is one of the most fucked up things to happen in this show) and forces him to make a statement denying (himself) that it was him in the video, thereby betraying Simon, hiding his queerness and ruining his relationship. But Wille does this because this is his family and he has trusted them his whole life, and he doesn’t dare to take the leap and rely on Simon whom he’s only known for a few weeks/months at this point. And then he is betrayed by his family, when he finds out that Kristina knew it was August and didn’t tell him and is also still actively protecting August by deciding not to prosecute him. This is a key moment, because Wille learns that the foundations of his life, his family, was ultimately completely fine with betraying him and forcing him to do the speech. 

In season 2, we see the fallout of that betrayal, the aftermath. With Wille shutting out his mother, refusing to talk with anyone from the court etc. They try to take him from the school, to regain some control over his actions, but he manages to make a fragile peace with his mother by agreeing to see a therapist. His mother seriously believes that she doesn’t need to address her son’s struggles personally in any way, as a mother, and instead just makes Wille someone else’s responsibility. This is another important step, because the queen’s plan backfires and Boris is actually helping Wille realise that he doesn’t have to be defined by his family’s rules and it is possible for him to go after what he wants. At the end of season 2, when he makes that speech, he takes his first definite step away from his family, signaling to them that he will try to live his life on his own terms. 

And in season 3, we learn that this lead to the Queen having a breakdown. I know she always says it’s all about Erik, but she was dealing with that before and the only thing that has changed is that Wille has started standing up for himself. Now throughout season 3 Wille and his family are in a tricky situation: Wille collaborates with the royal court for his work as a prince and for his and Simon's safety, but he is completely on his own in his family. He receives help and support from Farima, not his parents. The Queen’s illness puts pressure on him to be ready for the crown, and at the same time no one in his family wants to really speak about it and when he meets his mother she pretends that everything is fine. Then even his belief in Erik is shattered, and he has to question the only thing he really held on to with his family: his brother and the ideal he represented, the responsibility he felt to continue Erik's legacy. All of this leads to the confrontation in episode 5, where he rightfully calls out his family for never supporting him throughout any of it. He literally yells at his father „I am your only son now. Can you see me?“ and tells Kristina that she is doing a shit job of both being a mother and the Queen. And they prove him absolutely right by just refusing to engage with him, and just leaving the room because they can’t handle the situation. 

So at the point we’re at now, Wille is the furthest away from his family he has ever been. He starts out sitting in between them when he gives his first speech after the fight at the club in episode 1. And he has become completely isolated from all of them by the end of episode 5 of season 3. Does that mean he will go one step further and turn down the responsibility of being crown prince and abdicate? I don’t know. But his journey throughout three seasons has definitely been going in that direction. He becomes more and more estranged from his family and has realised more and more that he can’t rely on them for emotional support, or rely on them to even just consider him in the decisions they make that affect his life. A part of me wants him to just get away from them and make his own way in the world. But another part also wants Kristina and Ludvig to step up and become the parents that Wille deserves and needs. 

[randomness-is-my-order]

one of the main reasons for why the gods as as they are–largely selfish, unfair, immature and insular–is because they don’t operate on the same power levels as humans do. their influence is unfathomably immense and their power is hugely unchecked. their responsibilities aren’t a marked thing, either, so shirking them doesn’t always promise proportionate consequences. they exist in this limbo of otherworldly power that is beyond human grasp and thereby their behavior appears so erratic and absurd and full of bullshit to us. that’s why there’s a constant affirmation of “well, don’t try to understand what the gods do, it’ll drive you crazy” in the show itself.

BUT while all of this may be true, i think the message of the books & show ultimately is that be it a mortal human or a centuries old god, your morality is something that should still be judged on the same parameters. just because you can control the sea or embody the essence of war or cause firestorms or bring on lightning showers doesn’t mean you get to hurt those who don’t deserve it, doesn’t mean you get to mess with the lives of those you deem “below” your status. if the king of gods is being a dick, you can call him a dick. if athena is an unjust prideful bitch you can call her out on it. if poseidon is deadbeat father you can say that with your full chest. you don’t need to contextualise their actions or justify them. rationalise them? yeah, maybe so, but not more than that because why tf is it the burden of the demigods to understand these ancient powerful beings when said beings never initiate constructive and emotionally engaged dialogue with any of them? why do they need to dishonour their own feelings of hurt to avoid disrespecting the gods despite them deserving a bad reaction (a recent eg would be annabeth thinking athena’s actions are a proper retaliation for a perceived “slight”, instead of expressing her own hurt at her mother’s betrayal)?

because isn’t that exactly the kind of issue we face in the real world? we can all logically infer that there is literally NO ethical way of becoming a billionaire, then, well, do you think there’s an ethical way of being a god–atleast a major one with a physical domain? an ethical way of having control of some major element and constantly meddling with affairs of the mortal world, while full well displaying a lack of understanding of humans? just the way the gods are in the books, in the show? yes the gods have feelings and yes they are allowed to make mistakes (and doesn’t this make me laugh, because to err is to be human and all) but their actions are also allowed to be called out by demigods if they’re being hurt. their whole relationship with humanity is a two-way street anyway.

and with all that said, i think percy is a very much needed kick-in-the-shins for the gods in the series, a young demigod who refuses to dance to the gods’ tunes and stands up to them and even calls them out and strips down this idea that godhood is something superior, that godhood frees one from scrutiny and criticism.

this is just a very weird ramble and i have way more thoughts on the matter but i’ll have to take some time and wrangle it all into coherence.

for now, to summarise: the gods suck and i love when percy makes them aware of that fact.

[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

Juliette, the Girlboss Trope, and Structural Change

From what I’ve observed, stories with “girlboss” protagonists tend to be less likely to critique existing power structures and end up focusing more on slightly tweaking surface level aspects of them to allow the protagonist to prove themselves within the context of the existing system. To me, this is extremely interesting within the context of These Violent Delights because Juliette is arguably initially set up to fulfill this archetype. Because she is a girl, her claim to the status of heir is questioned by those around her more than it would be otherwise. She feels more pressure to be ruthless and to do whatever she can to earn the respect of those around her. Toward the very beginning of These Violent Delights, she threatens to kill Tyler when he attempts to upstage her, saying that she will kill him before she lets him take her heirdom away from her. Without knowing that These Violent Delights is a Romeo and Juliet retelling, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Juliette to become the leader of the Scarlet Gang and somehow fix things from the inside at the end. She is well set up to be the Strong Female Protagonist ™ who takes what is owed to her and is hardened and kickass and ruthless and doesn’t let interfering men get in her way. 

But importantly, regardless of how much Juliette initially knows it, this is a facade. The image of the hardened ruthless heir may be one that Juliette encourages, but it is a heavily distorted reflection of who she truly is. Because at her very core, though she was raised to be the heir of the Scarlet Gang and therefore should be the literal personification of the continuation of the blood feud, that is not who Juliette is. Throughout the duology, her main motivation is protecting those she loves. At first, she believes that she can do this by working within the existing system. She tries to legitimize herself as heir within the existing power structure of the Scarlet Gang. However, the Scarlet Gang Juliette is set to inherit is one built upon a foundation of fractures that legitimizes its existence through the perpetuation of the blood feud to the extent that to solve the blood feud, or even seek to calm it, would be a violation of its very nature. The Scarlet Gang could never accept a leader that sought to do this, nor could the White Flowers, who equally rely on the blood feud as a source of power, accept the figurehead of their rival gang as an ally. To do so would be a fundamental betrayal of the nature of these two groups. Thus, Juliette must choose between legitimizing her position as heir, bringing more suffering upon the people and city she loves in the process, and giving up her position as heir and forfeiting her power. 

But if Juliette forfeits her power, who does she forfeit her power to? After all, if she merely walks away, the blood feud will still exist. The refusal of one person to fall in line cannot topple an entire system. The answer comes back to Tyler who, unlike Juliette, truly is meant to represent the continuation of the blood feud. He feels the need for vengeance and hatred at his core, and is constantly suspicious of Juliette, recognizing her lack of loyalty though it is incomprehensible to him. Ultimately, there was never room enough for both of them. When Juliette threatened his life in These Violent Delights, she did so out of fear of him usurping her place. Little did she know, he already had. In representing the longevity of the blood feud, Tyler, not Juliette represents the longevity of the Scarlet Gang. While she was the heir in name, he embodied the very lifeforce of the gang. In a way, he almost represents the Juliette that could have been. And that is precisely why Juliette had to kill him.

Though Tyler’s death is foreshadowed by Juliette’s initial threat in the first book, when she shoots him in Our Violent Ends, it is not the callous, unfeeling kill of an heir pushing aside the final obstacle before claiming their rightful place at the top. Instead, it is Juliette’s final severance from the vicious cycle of the blood feud and the illusion of her status as heir. She recognizes that the power she would wield as the future leader, or even the true heir, of the Scarlet Gang stakes its legitimacy in the continuation of the blood feud, and therefore, she would lose legitimacy as a leader if she were to act against the blood feud. This is further demonstrated when Lord Cai tells her that she can choose between dying a White Flower and being heir following his discovery of her relationship with Roma, representing her direct defiance of the blood feud, and her murder of Tyler, representing her sabotage of the longevity of the blood feud and her rejection of her status as heir.

By this point, Juliette has established that she cannot live as a part of the blood feud. She put a bullet through its heart, firing on her own kin to do so. Because the blood feud has no future, she can no longer pretend to occupy the role of heir. But at the same time, in killing Tyler, she has rejected her place within the blood feud. She cannot die a Scarlet, and she cannot die a White Flower because she refuses to be either. In the end, it is not her and Roma’s apparent deaths that aid the end of the blood feud. Instead, it is their rejection of its perpetuation through their rejection of their statuses as heirs. Their continued survival after their apparent death and the birth of their daughter stands in direct defiance to the division brought on by the blood feud. Though, as is further explored in Foul Lady Fortune, this division is still very present, Roma and Juliette’s continued survival both acknowledges that the kind of change required cannot be brought about by the efforts of one titular protagonist, no matter how world ending their sacrifice, and gives hope for a better future. Unlike the girlboss protagonist, Juliette rejects the status quo and achieves her goals by rejecting power. Instead of seeking to be the figurehead of change, which would also be extremely ahistorical, she does her part and steps back, acknowledging that as a singular person, she does not and should not have the power to fix everything. In the end, she watches from the outskirts of Shanghai, and though she is doomed to forfeit her place within her home to protect the people she loves, she is safe enough to live with her husband and raise her daughter and use her remaining connections to do what she can. Because in the end, one person cannot fix everything, no matter how powerful they are. And the spark of hope represented by Juliette and Roma’s continued survival and the birth of their daughter as well as the protection offered by their weapons ring is enough. 

[copiousloverofcopia]

THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME!😭

This is the definite LAST CHAPTER of HOLY MARY!

I got so emotional, so many times while writing this chapter and because of the content I apologize but I need to risk some spoilers for the sake of those who might be triggered so…

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING FOR DESCRIPTIONS OF BIRTH, GORE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, INFANT DEATH/LOSS, GRIEF⚠️

Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me, Terzo, and Mary. I can't believe that this all stemmed from an ask on Tumblr that flourished into this full-fledged fic. Thank you so much to the anon that requested this. It was an honor to write it and thank you all so much for reading!

Commissions are OPEN, please see pinned post for Carrd info!

Beautiful divider credit to @gothdaddyissues

Holy Mary

Sister Mary Catherine was only weeks away from taking her vows when she has a chance encounter with a man. A man she finds out is the Pope of the Satanic church.

Chapter 10: The Ultimate Sacrifice

Also available HERE on AO3! Haven’t started yet? Read from the beginning HERE!

Definitely NSFW below!

“Please.” Secondo begged, staring into his little brother’s eyes. 

“I don’t want to do this Secondo. Understand that I…I have to….”

1 Hour Earlier…

Lucifer seemed to leave as quickly as “she” came. Terzo was left alone in his thoughts, pondering the horrors that were to come. The blood shed that would be on his hands. Dripping from them in the wake of his decision. Cursed by his own dark god to choose between Mary, his child, and that of his own brother. 

The world all together seemed to stop. The sounds of the wind rustling in the trees and birds chirping ceasing around him. Leaving him frozen in the eerie silence. Nothingness—emptiness. Terzo was perched on his knees in a haze when from somewhere in front of him came a voice. Coming closer and closer while the words came into focus.

“Terzo…please come back inside. Let’s talk.” Secondo suggested, wanting to find a way to make things right between them. Settle this rivalry that he had, himself, set in motion. 

“Please go.” Terzo snapped, refusing to look at him. Though Secondo would not give up that easily. Never in his life had he felt such remorse. Everyone knew all too well that it was not in his nature to apologize. Growing up as the middle Emeritus son, he was never allowed to be wrong or admit defeat in anything—lest he be held as less than. 

All things for him came as a task, one he must meet head on and without hesitance. Always striving to be better than Primo before him and Terzo who followed. Needing to prevail in all things as Nihil’s supposed favorite. Perceived as the most devout of all—only inside he was still a scared, lonely child. Worried that no matter how hard he would try, nothing would ever be enough. 

The feeling of inadequacy had been festering inside him so long, though he would never admit it. The constant fear led him further into a path of self-destruction. A path that now had led to the betrayal of his little brother. Lusting for Mary’s love—something he had no right to take from him.

“For what it’s worth, fratello, I know I was wrong…and I’m sorry.” Secondo admitted. His words, eliciting a look of shock from Terzo, though he still refused to look him in the eye. Terzo could tell he was being sincere. The fact that the mere words came from his brother’s own two lips told Terzo it was the truth.

“I know.” was all Terzo could say back to him. His anger, still simmering inside of him as he tried to let it go. There were so much more important things to be concerned with now and whether Secondo knew it or not—Terzo held his life in his hands.  

“When you are ready, I hope you both can forgive me.” Secondo told him, his brother nodding as he was left once again alone in the garden. Still on his knees, agonizing over what was to come. 

Mary was sleeping soundly, her face almost peaceful as a child's. Primo, keeping careful watch over her and checking in occasionally with the help of the Abbey physician. Reassuring himself that she and the baby were still doing alright. Just as he sat back down in the chair, opposite her in the room, there was a knock on the door. The young newly ghoulettes, Cirrus and Cumulus had arrived with Omega as their charge. Standing in the doorway, excitedly awaiting news of Mary's recovery. 

“Please come in Omega, dolcezze.” Primo smiled. The ghoul and ghoulettes bowed as they all carefully walked into the room. Doing their best to not disturb Mary. 

“How is she Papa? Is the baby coming?” Cumulus asked, looking at Mary with such concern and care in her glowing eyes. Her devotion towards Mary and her child, touching Primo’s soul.

“Not yet…eh…we must still wait and see. There is not much else we can do at this time. At least that is what they are telling me.” he sighed. Relaxing back into the chair as he old joints hummed with arthritic pain from all his standing.   

“Where is the doctor? The nurses?” Omega asked, noting that when he and the ghoulettes arrived at the infirmary there was no one else to be seen. The halls and rooms, appearing empty and silent. 

“I believe they had gone into town for some more supplies. With all the wounds, we are quickly running low on bandages and gauze.” Primo explained, his thin smile only barely hiding his concern. 

“Primo?” came a soft voice. It was Mary, slowly coming to from her unconscious state. Her eyes, fluttering open to see the four of them all surrounding her. All of them, smiles spreading fast as she tried to pull herself up a bit in the bed. 

“Mary, please don’t try to move too much.” Primo told her, rising up as fast as his body would allow. Helping Omega settle her into a comfortable position in the bed. 

“Where is Terzo?” she asked, still a bit hazy from her slumber. Feeling achy all over with her head feeling an intense throb. 

“He’ll be back soon.” Primo assured her, taking her hand in his and sitting beside her on the edge of the bed.  

“He needed to get some fresh air, pretty sure he headed out to the garden.” Omega continued. Mary stared down at her belly. Watching as the little life inside her moved beneath her tightly stretched skin. His kicking, stronger than she had ever felt it before. Ready any day now to come triumphantly into the world. A child that she knew now was destined to be humanity’s undoing.

“I—I shouldn’t have come here. I have placed us all in danger.” she told him. Her voice low, almost a whisper, as if she was scared to have anyone else hear it. Frightened on what she might be asked to do again in her darkest hour. 

“Coming here was exactly what you should have done piccola. This child and you belong here with us—with Terzo.” Primo said, squeezing her hand. The tears spilled quietly down and over the round softness of her cheeks. Cradling her belly in her arms as she sniffled back. Trying desperately not to sob.  

“He will be the antichrist. Satan will take him as a vessel for evil. We will all be destroyed…” Mary cried, gripped tight to her belly as if she could protect her child from his fate.

“Do you really believe that?” Primo asked her. The two of them, locking in a stare as Mary swallowed back her guilt.  

“What else am I to believe? I have condemned us all.” 

“You know…many children have been born into the Emeritus family and none of them have destroyed anything. Unless you count my patience.” Primo said, his humor relieving some of the tension in the room. Mary, even laughing along with him through the tears. 

“I love him Primo.” Mary said, whipping away the droplets from her eyes. Wishing that it was all a dream. That she and Terzo would live happily ever after like they do in fairy tales. No prophecies or damnation, a child born to them that was no more evil than herself—a sinner who was otherwise good. 

“I know you do, and he loves you and that baby more than anything in creation.” Primo smiled. Mary, gently smiling back at him before she tried to straight out a bit more. Wincing after only a moment. Her brow furrowing hard on her forehead as her hand came up to rest upon her swollen belly.

“What’s wrong?” asked Cirrus, rushing over to her bedside. 

“Oh no…” she said, her eyes growing wide as the wet spot between her legs grew larger across the sheets. “My water just broke. The baby is coming.” 

“Shit.” Omega remarked, but Primo without hesitation took control. Though inside he too was scared. Never in his life did he imagine any of this would come to pass. Most certainly that he would ever need to help deliver a child.

“It’s going to be alright piccola.” he began, turning to face Omega and the ghoulettes as they stood anxiously nearby.  

“Omega, get Terzo here now.” 

Terzo had sat quietly on the ground. His head hung low between his knees as he tried pulling himself together enough to return inside. Each moment without Mary near was enough to drive him mad. Though he knew now things were once again forever changed between them. 

He lifted up his head. Closing his eyes and drawing forth a deep breath as he prepared to stand, when he felt the weight of something on his lap. Opening his eyes to look down at a dagger that laid across him. Small enough to be concealed and sharp enough to slice through bone. 

“What the–” He began, lifting the dagger to take a closer look. It was the same one from Gabriel. The hilt, still shimmering with celestial light. Weighted well in his hand as he twisted it around. 

“You know what to do.” said a voice. Seeming to come from inside him, “...use their own blade to give me what I ask.” Terzo shook off the thought as he tucked the blade into his coat pocket. Hearing another familiar voice calling out to him. 

“Terzo! Terzo!” they yelled. Instantly he recognized it was Omega. The ghoul had quickly turned the corner and came running into the garden clearing. Urgently calling out to him as the ghoul’s face looked frightened and helpless. Unlike Terzo had ever seen before.

“Omega…what—”

“No time, Mary has gone into labor!” he explained. Yanking Terzo off the ground and onto his feet. The two of them, taking off towards the Abbey. His faithful companion unaware of what Terzo had been asked—what he was now certain he must do. 

 “Just breathe, Mary. He’s on his way.” Primo assured her. Cumulus moved quickly as she began wringing out the washcloth of cool water, placing it back on Mary’s forehead. Her face covered in tears and her body dripping with sweat. The pain of her labor, becoming more and more intense with each passing second. 

“Oh…ah…I changed my mind. I don’t wanna do this anymore.” she cried. Her hands gripped tightly to the sheets. Turning white, nails tearing through the fabric as another contraction hit her.

“I think it’s too late for that.” Cirrus told her, peeking her head out in the hall for any sign of Omega and Terzo’s return. 

 “Ah!” Mary screamed. Primo brought himself down at the end of the bed. Lifting up the sheet to see a gush of blood pouring out from inside her. So much blood that a chill ran through him. Scared that the child may already be gone. Something he knew he couldn’t tell her. 

“Mary, please breathe.” he said once again. Trying his best to hide his fears, when suddenly the wounds from the stigmata began opening up. One by one, each of them splitting open again until she was covered in blood. Screaming and crying from all the intense pain. Inescapable and horrifying. 

“Oh fuck, it’s tearing through me!” Mary screamed. Her dress now completely soaked in blood from the waist down as Primo and the ghoulettes tried to hold her down. Mary quickly was falling further into madness, bleeding out before them. Cursed with visions of Heaven and Hell, furiously fighting a war that would never be won. Surrounded by blood and gore—the likes of which were of an indescribable amount. Covering all the world as the sound of Satan’s laughter began filling her ears.

As another contraction hit, she screamed again. This time begging for death, for God to take her and spare her baby. Gripped tightly onto Cumulus' hand. The ghoulette’s claws, going numb in her grasp. There was nothing they could do to stop it—this baby was coming and now.   

“It’s going to be ok Mary, don’t push yet. It’s too soon.” Primo begged. Watching as she writhed around in the bed. The stigmata wounds, continuing to bleed, spattering across the room as she struggled against the ghoulettes’ hold. Both of them, looking at one another in fear before turning their sights on Primo. Knowing that Mary and her child would likely not make it.

She had lost so much blood. Her screams, turning to a deafening silence. Mary, completely void of strength as her labor continued. Crying softly as she clung barely on to life. All of them, helpless to watch her and her child dying before their eyes. Primo continued doing his best to assist. Holding himself together like he always did in times of crisis. Praying that at least one of them would be spared of this fate.

When all had seemed at its bleakest, Terzo and Omega could finally be heard running down the Hall. Catching sight of Secondo as he too was making his way down to the infirmary. The rest of the Abbey inhabitants lining the halls as the screams from poor Mary had flooded the building—blood curdling cries, sent echoing throughout every square inch, alerting them to the situation. They were nothing but a blur as Terzo and the others burst through the doorway.

“How is she? Oh, Mary I’m so sorry.” Terzo cried, covered in sweat and smeared paint. Filled with horror at the sight of her. Blood everywhere, covering everything around them. His love’s face, pale and stone still. Looking as if she were only moments from death. Terzo realized that it was now or never. 

“She’s lost so much blood fratellino, I don't think either of them are going to make it.” Primo told him. The old man’s face filled with more sorrow than Terzo had ever seen at his admission. The rise and fall of Mary’s chest, barely discernible, now slowing as her time drew near. 

“This can’t be…we must be able to do something.” Secondo chimed in, the guilt of his covetousness weighing heavily on him. Worried that he had somehow allowed this to happen. That somehow, he too was at fault and that both God and Lucifer had forsaken Mary and her child for his own defiance and greed. 

“There—there is something.” Terzo began. The words, barely making it out of him as all others in the room stopped to face him. Waiting for his answer as Terzo swallowed back, tasting the foulness in his mouth for what he was about to say—about to do. 

“What is it?” Primo asked, bringing his hands between Mary’s legs to feel for the baby’s head. Its small peak of hair, just palpable from inside her. “We must hurry, I can feel the head.”

“Oh fuck.” Omega gulped, feeling dumbfounded and lost. Terzo slipped his hand within his coat. Pulling from it the blade hidden within. Instantly the tears began to fall from his eyes. 

“This.” he told them. All eyes falling to the sharp edge of the blade. 

“What?” Secondo asked as Terzo began sobbing. Looking over to Mary as she had all but bled out. Watching the life slip away from her as he stood before his brother. Holding the blade, he was to murder Secondo with, in his hands. Scared he had waited too long and that even now it was too late for Mary and their child to survive. Would he be sacrificing Secondo for nothing? 

“I was visited in the garden by Lucifer.” he began, everyone’s attention held in a vice. The presence of the old one, felt even now in the room. Surrounding them in a veiled cloud of darkness. 

“And?” Primo said as he and the ghoulettes continued to try and take care of Mary as best they could. 

“I was told that the child would be spared its fate as the antichrist if I—I…”

“If you what stronzo? Spit it out.” Secondo hissed, though it seemed to Terzo as if he knew. As if something had told him already that a deal had been made.  

“If I kill you.” Terzo admitted, the sounds of gasping filling the room. “But I just can’t.”

“Then do it.” Secondo told him. Realizing this was it—this was his chance, given to him by Lucifer to redeem himself. A chance for him to make things right between them.

“I never wanted to make this choice!” Terzo cried out when suddenly Secondo came to stand before him.

“I said do it! Do it now!” he yelled, taking the blade from Terzo and positioning it against the flesh of his chest. Wrapping Terzo’s hands around the hilt as he continued on. “Kill me now. It’s the only way.” Secondo told him, the hint of tears glazing his eyes.    

“But Secondo… I…” Terzo tried to continue. His sobbing, blurring his vision more as he heard Secondo too had succumbed to his emotions. The rest of them, waiting with bated breath as the two brothers reached their inescapable fate. 

“Please.” Secondo begged, staring into his little brother’s eyes. His heart aching, pounding—breaking. Both of them were covered in sweat. Chests heaving with labored breath and souls crying out from within. 

“I don’t want to do this Secondo. Understand that I…I have to….” Terzo cried, trying to reason with himself. This was the only way to save Mary. To save his child from death. 

“Then do what you have to do.” Secondo smiled softly. 

“Oh cazzo…Secondo I can’t. I can’t.” Terzo yelled. Cursing the Devil and God alike as he stood with the blade pressed just above his brother’s beating heart. 

“I have not been a good brother to you Terzo. Let me do this.” Secondo begged, Terzo pulling away and pacing the room. Feeling as though he may die before being able to make the choice. His whole body aching as each second passed. 

“I just…I can’t.” Terzo cried once more. Secondo had had enough. Looking at Mary as she lay in the bed. Covered in crimson red, inches from death. Knowing that deep down this was the only way to save her. Confident that his sacrifice—their sacrifice would fix it. 

“Ah!” Secondo yelled, charging towards him. Forcing Terzo to finish him. The blade, plunging deep into Secondo’s chest. Everyone was in shock as Secondo dropped to the ground. The dagger sticking out from his front. Letting go from his mortal coil as a smile spread across his face. It was done. 

“Why?” Terzo asked him as he fell to his knees. Kneeling beside him and pulling him close in his arms. 

“I love you.” Secondo told him as he began to cough. The blood stained his normally blackened lips, red. The second Emeritus son had slipped away in peace.

“I love you.” Terzo cried as Secondo fell lifeless in his arms. Setting his brother carefully down to the floor in silence. The loudest silence any of them had ever known. 

“Terzo…” Mary’s voice rang out in the quiet of the room. Barely above a whisper it managed to carry him as he turned to face her in her severely weakened state. All of them, relieved to hear her knowing she had been spared as promised in the wake of Secondo’s death. 

“Amore.” Terzo called out, rushing to her side and taking her hand. Primo could feel the baby’s head was crowning. 

“We are almost there.” he told Terzo, trying his best to continue on in the chaos. Feeling, as Mary had another contraction, that the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. Terzo immediately noticed the look flash across Primo’s face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, watching his brother work to get the baby out as fast as he could.

“It’s too late.” Mary cried. Terzo, feeling helpless as Primo refused to answer him. Mary brought his hand to her side. Feeling the blood as it began pouring out from the final stigmata wound. The wound had appeared without her even making a whimper. Too weak and far gone to even respond as she began slipping steadily away.

“Oh fuck. No! No!” Terzo yelled as Mary went limp. Primo, working his hardest to help deliver the baby who had managed to come through the birth canal. Removing the ensnarement of the cord. Crushed to find no signs of life as he held the small bundle in his arms. 

“Terzo…I’m so sorry.” Primo told him, holding the baby closely in his arms. His face filled with tears. Sniffling back to try his best to speak. “He’s gone.” 

“NO! You promised me!” Terzo howled. His voice, cracking in pain as his screams reached both Heaven and Hell. Raging at the universe and all things within it. Ready to burn existence down before him.

I PROMISED YOU NOTHING INSOLENT WHELP.

The voice said, echoing all around them. All of them immediately knew who it came from. God himself, coming to gloat that he had prevailed. Taken everything from Terzo and his beloved Mary.

“God?” Mary asked, barely alive. Knowing that her baby was gone. Her life was destroyed, and she no longer cared about anything. Wishing for her death to come. 

You defied me Mary. You refused to erase your sin and now two people have died instead of one. 

“You fucking piece of shit!” Terzo growled, wishing he had any control. His son was dead, held still in his brother’s arms. His other brother, lifeless on the floor. The love of his life barely holding on as her own God smugly berated her—blamed her.

“I—” Mary began, somehow managing to continue on. 

I am however a benevolent God. I can give you a second chance. Beg me for forgiveness and repent for your sins and I shall heal thee. Welcome you back into the bosom of Heaven. Absolve you of sin. 

Mary looked over to Primo, seeing her baby for the first time. His little hand, just visible above the blanket as Primo held onto him. Knowing that he had never been able to draw his first breath. Feel the love she held for him in her heart. A heart now torn in a million pieces. Shattered like glass, never able to be whole again in his absence. She no longer cared about what would happen to her, ready to have God strike her where she stood but not before she said her peace.

“I no longer want your paradise.” she began. Her tears, so intense that her voice could barely continue through them. “You are nothing. Nothing but false promises and veiled wickedness.” she cried, when the sound of hissing came loudly pouring into the room. A snake slithering across the bloodied floor. Gliding in a winding swirl over Secondo's body, before coiling up onto the bed beside where Mary lay. The serpent, beginning to speak to them, though its lips never moved. 

“I ALWAYS keep my promises.” it said as suddenly a cry came out from the little bundle in Primo’s arms. The once pale hand, turning pink as the child wriggled in his uncle's arms. Primo, smiling down and crying as the baby announced himself unto the world.

All of them, joyous and shocked that the child was now alive. Mary too was returning to her normal color. The blood that had covered her, slowly disappeared as if it was never spilled. Primo, quickly handing Mary her son. His small face brightly shining as Terzo held the two of them in his arms.  

“Our baby.” he cried. The tears now of pure joy as he buried his face into Mary’s hair. 

“He’s going to be alright.” Primo told them. Both Mary and Terzo, filled with relief as she turned her sights upward. Addressing God head on as he watched them in annoyance. 

“It is in the devil and his servant, my sweet Terzo, that I have found the truth of what you are. The father who would abandon his child for a gentle sin.” Mary yelled. The smile on her face, cold towards her once beloved deity as God’s light shone within the room. So bright that it nearly blinded them. 

Be damned then you fool. Enjoy what you have now…until we meet again.

God said, his voice tainted with hatred as the bright light faded away. Disappearing into the ceiling before leaving all of them alone together. The serpent too had disappeared in thin air, just as Terzo and Mary had held tightly to one another. Their little boy cooing away in his parent’s arms. 

One Week Later…

It was a rainy day. Crisp and windy, just as he would have liked it, Terzo imagined as he prepared himself for Secondo’s funeral. A day like this was his favorite kind. The energy of a storm on the horizon and the cleansing power of the rain was always something Secondo held dear. 

Terzo smiled at the thought. Though his brother may never have thought so, Terzo knew now that Secondo had truly been the best of them. Willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for those he loved. One Terzo would never let anyone forget.  

“It’s almost time.” Mary said, coming to meet him. Annoyed to still find him getting dressed in his vestments. Clearly losing himself in thought as the day weighed on him.

“I know, come here.” he smiled, a hit of bittersweet emotions held in his eyes. Holding out his hands as he waited for Mary to give him their son. Little baby Luca, who was sleeping soundly in her arms, looked just like his father in every way. 

“Don’t wake him Terzo, I just got him to fall asleep.” Mary pleaded, gently handing him over. The little boy stretched; eyes still closed as he nuzzled into his father’s chest. The quiet hum of his snores and the tiny beats of his heart, felt softly against Terzo’s grasp. Tears falling from his eyes.

“Will he ever know how much he is loved?”

“He will…we will make sure of it.” Mary replied, pushing up on her toes to kiss Terzo’s forehead. Careful to not disturb his paints. 

“You were right, you know, all children are gifts from God.” Terzo smiled.

“I just was mistaken on which God.” Mary smiled, “...now let's get going.” she continued, taking the baby back from him as they headed down the stairs towards the chapel.

Terzo was overwhelmed as he walked down the nave. The pews, lined with flowers and plants of emerald, green. All in honor of his brother's color. He tried not to think about it as he approached the sanctuary. The casket staring him down, making it harder for him to keep it together.  

This brother’s loss felt heavy among the siblings, ghouls, clergy, and congregation. Terzo wondered if now Secondo could see just how much he meant to others. Just how important he really was. Just before stepping up to the pulpit, to give his final respects, Terzo placed his hand on the top of the casket.

“You were the best of us all.” he whispered, hoping that Secondo could hear him. Sniffling back as he prepared to give his brother’s eulogy. “Thank you.” 

Notes:

dolcezze- sweethearts

piccola- little one (feminine)

Stronzo- asshole

[cerosin-bis]

How did the gang react to krueger and Nikto hitting the high road in a sence ? Was there a sence of betrayal or loss with them leaving? Do they think the pair will come back?

Within the Spetsnaz I think Kamarov would feel... Not exactly betrayed but upset/disappointed. Minotaur would be worried that they are going to turn on them. And Bale mostly is just concerned, but ultimately not surprised. As I mentioned in Harpoons (it's one sentence BUT it was important to me), I believe Rodion felt it before they left, because he's an observant man, is close w Nikto and reads him really well. He's probably the one who took it the worst because he cares about Nikto and we imagined with @modernghostfare that, bad timing obliges, Krueger and him went AWOL after Nikto and Rodion had an argument so he thinks it's his fault for a while. But I like to headcanon that they keep in touch via Krueger, by texting occasionally. Rodion is also the only one who's almost sure they'll come back, because he knows Nikto (and eventually, they do, because Nikto was getting increasingly worse with the lack of structure and regular medication)

In Chimera I think it's somehow a mix of shock and "well, not surprising". They all know of Krueger's past, but it's the suddenness that takes everyone by surprise. Even Syd, whom I hc to be close friends with Krueger, is taken aback and was absolutely not expecting it. Yegor is the first who understands within the first 48 hours that the two are gone, because the Spetsnaz, whom he hangs out with regularly, mention that Nikto hasn't shown up in a while - which isn't unusual per se, but both him and Krueger disappearing makes sense. He's convinced they won't come back. Syd is sad about it but refuses to draw conclusions. Farah is wary, but feels like it's not definitive because she's observant and although she doesn't know Nikto, she knows he probably can't live on the run forever (as opposed to Krueger). Nikolai is a bit aloof about it all bc he's aloof about everything. Tho he'll say "oh give them a few months or a year... and they'll be back". And he's right.

[blindmagdalena]

I’ve been reading King Lear the play by Shakespeare and King Lear is lowkey so Homelander coded.

Lear makes his daughters talk about how much they love him for them to get their parts of his land and when his youngest daughter (his favorite daughter) is essentially like “I’m not doing that and they’re fake for doing that” King Lear gets offended and cuts her off because he only sees that she wouldn’t say how much she loves him and not that she’s trying to help.

Also Lear has like a “fool” or jester that he gets mad at a lot but still keeps around and he kind of panics when the fool isn’t around. Another part of his stipulations for his daughters are that he is still called “king” but without the responsibility.

I feel like those are all Homelander moves, I may just be making unrealistic connections tho😭

no way i totally see your vision here!!! Homelander is surrounded by people that he terrorizes and bribes into endless sycophantry in order to vie for his approval and the privileges he can offer them. Ashley is very much his jester, someone he keeps around to torment but also who regulate his affairs. he, too, wishes to be king without the actual weight of the crown.

i think you could also argue some parallels with Starlight and Cordelia, with both of them refusing to partake in corruption/insincere worship, which is the only kind of love Homelander has ever known.

but ultimately i think that role is gonna go to Ryan, which has a lot of potential in season 4! hopefully not entirely, given Cordelia's fate... but i can see Ryan as being someone Homelander similarly seeks to have love him entirely, but like Cordelia, Ryan knows that kind of love is empty/unrealistic. Ryan, who did know the true love of his mother. You have begot me, bred me, loved me.  I return those duties back as are right fit: Obey you, love you, and most honor you.  Why have my sisters husbands if they say They love you all? Haply, when I shall wed,  That lord whose hand must take my plight shall  carry  Half my love with him, half my care and duty.  Sure I shall never marry like my sisters, ⟨To love my father all.⟩

the themes of betrayal and the exploration of love in all its forms suit what we see in Homelander's story, which i fear will also inevitably end in tragedy. while i don't see him ever casting Ryan out, i do think there will be major contention in their relationship when it becomes clear that Ryan will not play the role of Homelander's perfectly doting surrogate self/son.

[homoeroticbetrayal]

Iconic Homoerotic Betrayal: Round 1

Round 1 Directory

Context for TWEWY below. Beefleaf fans, drop your summary in the reblogs.

You play as Neku Sakuraba in this video game, who is in the Reapers' Game, fighting for survival and partnering up and with amnesia. Turns out you're dead! He doesn't remember how he died. His first partner gets taken from him so he ends up partnered with Joshua for week two. He's an asshole and rude but also has hidden depth to him, and really connects with Neku (who remembers everything EXCEPT how he died, now).

At the end of week 2! Joshua dies for you! Takes a blow to save Neku's life!

And then at the end of the game he shows up a-okay and says HEY IM THE ONE WHO KILLED YOU, I PUT YOU IN THE GAME, YOU HAVE TO SHOOT AND KILL ME OR IM GOING TO DESTROY THIS CITY YOU'VE COME TO LOVE, AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS TOO, KILL ME OR I WILL RUIN EVERYTHING

(AND NEKU DOESN'T SHOOT, AND NEKU DOESN'T KILL HIM, AND JOSH CHANGES HIS MIND BECAUSE NEKU CARED ABOUT HIM ENOUGH TO SAVE *HIM* TOO)

Josh is also very flamboyant and teases neku gayly. I love them your honor

Extended summary for Josh/Neku. Excellent read:

Okay, buckle in, because we are going on a ride. Player One: Neku Sakuraba. Dead kid extraordinaire. He woke up in the Reaper's Game, a game hosted in Shibuya's Underground, or UG (essentially the afterlife, it's a plane of existence on top of the Realground, or RG, which is the plane of the living), where freshly-dead souls partner up and compete for a second chance at life, with no absolutely no memories of who or where he was, much less how he died. Still, together with his first partner, he managed to win the Reaper's Game... but was denied a second chance.

The Conductor, who runs the Game, told them that the Composer, essentially the god of the Underground, had decided only one of them could return to life, and that was his partner, so Neku re-entered the Game for a second week in a row. Enter Player Two: Yoshiya Kiryu, but Mother and Father call him Joshua and, well, he supposes Neku can call him Joshua, too, seeing as he's his dear, dear partner. Joshua is annoying, grating, the manifestation of all of Neku's worst traits, the thing he could be if he refuses to grow, and he's constantly giggling and flirting with Neku. He's definitely hiding something, and eventually admits that he's still alive, playing the Game of his own accord. His ultimate goal is to become the Composer, as whoever defeats the current one takes their place and Joshua's status as a living Player makes him significantly more powerful. Plus there's the issue of the current Game Master, who seems to have taken an interest in Neku and causes headaches whenever he's around.

Partway through the week, Neku receives a flash of memory, the memory of his death. He was shot, and Joshua was behind the trigger. This information leaves Neku in a difficult position, as he can't win the Reaper's Game without a partner, and in fact, if his partner is erased, so is he. And he needs to win because his partner the previous week was taken as his entry fee, he's playing for her and he doesn't know what will happen to her if he loses. So he has to get along with his murderer for the rest of the week. Joshua, meanwhile, gleefully dances around the subject, never quite confirming or denying whether he killed Neku, even when confronted.

On the final day, they have to defeat the Game Master in order to win, and just before the fight, Neku receives the same flash of memory as before... but this time, it continues. Joshua pulled the trigger, but Neku didn't die. He didn't shoot Neku; just behind him lurked the Game Master, holding up a gun of his own. Joshua never killed him, Neku realized. He had spent all week distrusting his partner, when all along, he had been trying to protect him. And after they defeat the Game Master in the present, he releases one last attack, one that would certainly erase both of them. But Joshua pushes Neku out of danger, taking on the full force of the attack himself, leaving Neku alone with the guilt, of his distrust having pushed Joshua to figuratively take the bullet for him.

And once again, Neku is forced to play the Game again, but this time, he teams up with his new partner to use the clues Joshua left them with to find the Composer themself and bring an end to all this. And they do! As the city falls into chaos around them, denizens of both the UG and RG falling victim to mind control that must be the Composer's doing, Neku and his partner fight until the last day, until the only thing standing between them and the Composer Himself is the Conductor. And just as the fight is about to begin, Neku hears that familiar giggle. Joshua is alive. He calls the Conductor by name. But Neku barely has time to process this, because the Conductor fuses with Joshua for one final battle. And in the rubble of that, as the Conductor teeters at the edge of erasure, he asks Joshua what will become of the city. It turns out, one month prior, the Conductor made a deal with the Composer, who thought Shibuya had become stagnant and needed to be destroyed before its negative influence spread elsewhere. The Conductor had a month to prove that the city wasn't worthless, to turn the people into something more suitable - thus the mind control. To make it fair, the Composer decided that He was going to play with a hand-picked proxy in His place. But the Conductor failed. As he dissolves, erased, Neku finally gets to ask Joshua what's going on. "Hee hee... It was me, Neku," Joshua says. "I'm Shibuya's Composer." And Neku was his proxy. Finally, he returns Neku's memory of his death in full - the Game Master raised his gun, but he wasn't aiming at Neku, he was aiming at Joshua. And every bullet he fired was frozen mid-air, until he was turned to turn tail and flee. Then Joshua turned his gun on Neku once more, and shot him.

And now, Joshua, the Composer of Shibuya, decides to give Neku one last chance. They'll have a duel, and whoever wins gets to decide the fate of Shibuya. Neku doesn't get the chance to agree or disagree; Joshua gives him a gun, and the countdown begins. 10... 9.... Joshua raises his gun, smirking. Like he doesn't care. Like their time as partners meant nothing. 8... 7... Neku cries. He just stares at the ground, gun in his hand, and cries. 6... The sorrow turns to rage, and Neku raises the gun, aiming at Joshua with shaking hands. His eyes squeezed shut. 5... 4... He can't do it. 3... 2... Despite everything Joshua has done, despite killing Neku, lying to him, manipulating him and forcing him to play his sick Game, faking his own death, forcing Neku into this situation, planning to erase the entire city... Neku can't shoot him. Joshua is his partner. And Neku trusts him. 1. He lowers the gun. BANG. A single gunshot rings out, and Neku falls to the floor. The last thing he sees as his eyes close is Joshua's smiling face.

If you got here, know that I was very tempted to put joshneku in a threeway duel with komahina and akeshu but decided to split things up a bit.

[ranna-alga]

A very long (and Joel-Miller-apologist biased) TLOU hot take incoming:

I don't want to get too deep into my honest opinions about TLOU2 because even though I am quite critical towards it, I'm sincerely uninterested in engaging in any discourse about the game that has been going on for three whole years. Instead, I'll just talk about one thing that I consider to be a personal nit-pick that I don't see many talk about. This may be a hot take, so if you want to comment on anything, I kindly suggest you hear my side first ♡

[screenshot from MKIceAndFie's gameplay on YT]

One thing I wish was different with TLOU2 involves the scene where Ellie gets the truth of what happened in Salt Lake City, and I'm unsure if the writing is to blame, but I lowkey wish Joel... Defended himself a bit more?? 😭

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely understand Joel wanting to let Ellie be angry at him - she had every right. I found it quite bizarre that such an important scene (or at least the conversation) felt very... short? I feel like maybe it would have been more interesting to not only see Joel acknowledge how hurt Ellie is (again, her reaction is understandable and I'm not trying to say she's in the wrong at all) but also try to at least give his point of view of things, especially on why he did what he did to the Fireflies.

This, plus Ellie, albeit still heartbroken and furious, emotionally exclaiming how she feels, and why getting a cure was so important to her deep down. Or at least as well as she could put it in her current emotional state.

Maybe I am biased in this because I am a Joel Miller apologist until I die before I am my own person. Like, you may as well call me Saul Goodman because I'm practically this man's lawyer with how much I defend him.

In my opinion, he would be justified in saying that even if the operation was a miraculous success, the Fireflies would probably exploit her name by setting a price on the vaccine, or if a war between the Fireflies and FEDRA/other Factions erupts in order to seize it, killing more people than saving them. He would be justified in saying that they never asked for her consent and would wonder if they would still put her under the knife if she refused the offer. He would obviously know she was capable of making her own decisions but would also understand that she has Survivor's Guilt (something Joel may have felt before, especially after Sarah died and he didn't) and how that could affect her mentality/decision-making, especially at just fourteen years old. He would feel justifed if the operation failed and Ellie would have died for nothing, a risk he refused to take.

He would probably tell all these things to Ellie, trying to make her understand at least a little bit. But these reasons likely came to him after getting Ellie to safety. In his mind and heart, he might as well have had only one reason for doing what he did.

That reason being? It's simple. He loves her.

To him, that is more than enough, and Ellie may possibly realise this. Perhaps, after him listing out all those reasonings, Ellie might say,

"But all those things... They weren’t really the reasons why you did it, were they?"

"... No. They were not."

I definitely don't imagine Ellie would forgive him immediately, obviously. I still think Ellie would leave and not talk to Joel for some time, but with this interpretation, I'd imagine she would have a lot to think about in the meantime. Ultimately, I think it would have been a very interesting scene between these two verbally-repressed people who very much care for each other but are at a breaking point.

TLDR; I think there was potential to have this scene be a bit more "fleshed out" in terms of Joel expressing his intentions whilst also acknowledging and recognising Ellie's feeling of betrayal and heartbreak. Almost like a parallel to that "I'm not her, you know" scene in TLOU1.

[povlvr]

7 • A Bitter Blow | YLGSE

Pairing: Mob Boss Bucky x Baker Reader

Summary: After leaving the club will Bucky follow you? How will you cope with the knowledge that Yelena betrayed you & will the Mob Boss accept your decision?

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Swearing, NSFW, love bombing, betrayal, swearing, slightly horny thoughts, Mob Boss Bucky, Mob Business.

A/N: I was going to post a one shot this weekend but I didn't want to leave you hanging! Let me know what you think!!

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

[Previous Chapter] [Next Chapter]

He fucked up, he knew it the second his eyes found yours amongst the crowd, he had let his insecurities & imposter syndrome take the bait that Natasha had obviously set up for him, hook, line & sinker. He would need all of his strength not to put a bullet between her eyes for doing it, but he knew ultimately, they were his actions & he had to be accountable for them. He should have made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing to do with those girls & he didn’t have any intention of letting it go further than it already had, at least that’s what he was telling himself.

The look on your face he knew would keep him awake at night, sure there was anger but the ease at which you looked like you accepted it threw him, as if you were already prepared for him to hurt you. There was no point chasing after you, as much as every fibre of his being urged him to find you & tell you it was all for show & it meant nothing, it would just end up with raised voices & him probably saying things he didn’t mean because he had been backed into a corner of his own making. Instead, he shook off the two blondes latched onto him then watched as you said something to Nat’s sister, down your drink then leave, without her, he wasted no time himself & without a word to anyone got up & left.

Earlier that night

The deal with stark had finally been done, he had spent the entire week burning the candle at both ends, meeting after meeting in all hours of the night interspersed with visits to your bakery to spend pockets of time with you over coffee when he could & he was never far from his phone to text you when he couldn’t make it in person. He might have been out of practice dating, but he found the need to be around you at all times helped keep all his attention trained on you when it wasn’t caught up with work, making sure to send you gifts to apologise for his absence & promising to make it up at the weekend where he had planned to completely spoil you silly, despite you insisting that you understood he was busy & the presents were not necessary.

Sat in his office breathing out all the tension he had been harbouring during the week he was relishing the thought of an evening of peace, he knew you had been roped into a night out so wanted to remain sober & free just in case you needed him to collect you, something he was persistent on since you told him you were going out. He would rather get up at 2am & make sure you were safe than you risk an uber & end up in danger, but you were stubborn as they got it would seem & refused a driver.

Steve, Sam & Natasha aka the three stooges barged in unannounced looking like they were on some sort of mission waylaying his plans to call you before you left for the night, it irked him that they would dare walk in without so much of a knock, Chanel no doubt on a break or left for the day. He scribbled down a note on his pad about installing a remote lock on the door, so he could be left undisturbed or maybe for when you visited to fulfil the fantasy of him bending you over his desk.

Sam clicked his fingers in front of his boss’s eyes who looked as though he was lost in his head somewhere, ‘what’s going on in that cyborg brain of yours Bucky, come back to us man, we’re going out to celebrate & we’re taking you with us.’

Blinking the reverie from his eyes he firmly shook his head at the thought, ‘No thanks, got big plans tonight with my couch.’

The smirk plastered on Sam’s face irritated the Mob Boss, he knew what was coming & was in no mood for his antics, ‘You’re seeing that Baker girl again?’

‘No, she’s busy I’m gonna hang out in my apartment & if she needs a ride I’ll pick her up.’

Natasha scoffed hoping it would set her plan into action, ‘Jesus, she’s got you whipped. Since when do you turn down drinks & some company for a woman?’

Bucky’s head twisted towards the red head lounging on the couch in his office, ‘I’m not whipped at all, just fucking tired, still need to deal with the Rumlow situation too so gotta think about that.’

‘Well you can be tired & think tomorrow, right now your staff have worked hard & wanna party.’ As far as Bucky was concerned Samuel was far too jovial to be in the Mob, it should have been beaten out of him by now.

‘Then go right ahead.’

It was Steve’s turn to scoff this time, ‘Jesus one woman & you’re going soft, what would your dad think?’

He moved like lightening across the room, haunches up, blade out pressed to Steve’s skin before he had chance to flinch. ‘Get my fathers name out your fucking mouth.’

Natasha rose from the sofa to try & diffuse the situation, ‘Christ Barnes, you’ve nothing to prove.’

He retracted the knife, running his hands through his hair trying to calm himself down, were people saying he’d gone soft? A few flowers & jewels weren’t enough to make him soft, it’s not like he was marrying you … yet. If all it took was him going out for a drink to shut them up, fine, he would happily prove them wrong.

It started out pretty tame, a few drinks in Vibranium, then Steve insisted on a strip club, Bucky still went along with it, but things escalated when two particular dancers who he knew intimately came over to give him a private dance, he tried shaking them off, but an eyebrow raise from Natasha shut him up. Of course, they followed him to the final club of the night, settling themselves on his lap, he wasn’t totally comfortable & there was an unfamiliar feeling of guilt creeping up on him the entire night. He hadn’t even checked his phone on the odd chance you had messaged him & by this point he felt utterly sick at the thought that you had asked for a ride at some point & he hadn’t answered. He doubled down telling himself to relax & enjoy the company, he wasn’t doing anything wrong & people were mistaken if they thought he had gone soft for a woman.

But the second he saw your eyes across that club he knew he had, one thing Steve didn’t realise whilst goading his friend, was that whilst yes, his father was ruthless, almost taking pleasure in ending people’s lives, especially when they had betrayed him, he was temperamental, aggressive & an asshole but when it came to Winnifred Barnes, the man was as soft as silk. For his kids too, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for them, he raised Bucky to be tough, but he typically used the carrot rather than the stick approach. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree in that regard, but his father wouldn’t have ever let his ma down like he had you & he swore to himself he wouldn’t ever again.

Thankfully a line of cabs waited outside the club, you had spotted Peter waiting in Bucky’s car but in your haste to leave you avoided him & almost felt guilty for ignoring his wave, you had a feeling Bucky wasn’t going to follow you out from the nonplussed expression on his face when he saw you, but then again you had a feeling he was a good guy, so what did you know?

He could easily drop by your place if you somehow managed to get in a cab before he came out to find you & you really weren’t in the right frame of mind to face him, getting in the taxi there was only one person you wanted to turn to right now.

‘Honey, what happened? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?’ Wanda was frantically scanning you for injuries, having turned up to the hospital unannounced with a truly miserable look on your face, she didn’t need to be a mind reader to know something happened.

You shook your solemn head, ‘No Wands, I’m ok.’

She wrapped her arm around you, holding you tight to her side, ‘Clearly not, come on, I’ll take a break & you tell me what’s going on, ok?’

You nodded & let her lead the way, she made a quick stop at the staff room for a hoodie & coffee, having felt how cold you were in your mini dress & her motherly instincts wanted to warm you up with something comforting, she found an unused suture room & set you both up with your drinks so you could tell her what was going on.

‘Wands why are men such scum bags … apart from Vis of course.’ You may have had your heart stomped on, but you didn’t want to piss off your friend tarnishing all men with the same brush, mainly because she had bagged herself one of the good ones.

The look you had seen many times appeared on her exhausted face, you felt a flood of guilt that you were troubling her with your silly issues when she should be busy saving lives or napping on her break instead of comforting you through your issues, ‘Oh honey, what happened.’

You sat pathetically perched on the table, legs swinging with the sleeves of the hoodie curled over your hands propping your face up with your elbows on your knees, ‘I went to a new club with Yelena & I saw James, he said he was gonna stay in tonight & wait for me to call so he could pick him up but he was there with two women sat on his thighs, practically licking his face.’

Her expression turned from pure empathy to vengeful rage in a split second, it was quite an impressive range of emotions to see in such a short space of time, ‘I’ll kill him.’

Your shoulders shook from laughing at her terrifying voice, you had no doubt she meant it but her diminutive stature & the fact she was soft to her very core meant she wouldn’t ever be able to inflict violence on anyone, ‘No you won’t, but I appreciate the threat to his life.’

You twiddled your fingers in the jumper trying to work out how you were really feeling after the shock of seeing him settled, ‘The thing is Wands, we hadn’t discussed anything about being exclusive, so he technically didn’t do anything wrong. I insisted he didn’t wait for me all night but he was so adamant that he wanted to pick me up I assumed he was staying in, so again he did nothing wrong.’

You let out a big sigh trying to reconcile the other betrayal that had dawned on you in the cab after you deleted James’ number trying not to feel a stab at the last message he sent you telling you how much he would miss talking to you tonight, ‘but that’s not the worst thing.’

Wanda hated seeing you so defeated, you never got hung up on a guy so knew it ran deeper than just him, ‘Go on.’

‘I’m pretty sure I was catching some major feelings for him, so yeah it hurts, but what hurts the most is I think Yelena set it all up with her sister.’ You could feel your bottom lip wobbling at the admission, never did you think Yelena would betray you like tonight, she was incredibly loyal, but maybe her loyalty sat with her sister more than it did you.

If the rage towards what Bucky did was scary, she went nuclear hearing that, ‘WHAT?’

‘Yeah’, you nodded trying to stop your quivering lip turn into a sob, ‘She was really tense all night even more than normal, she kept trying to rush me, telling me we needed to be there by 10 & whenever I asked why, she never really gave me an answer & was being really weird. She found a table that happened to be reserved, that happened to give me a clear view of where they were all sat & when I did see him, she didn’t even acknowledge the situation, didn’t move to punch him or threaten to kill him & she didn’t even question me walking off or if she should come with me.’

A single tear escaped your eye & quickly blotted with your sleeve, ‘What you gonna do honey?’

You shrugged feeling more miserable with each passing second, ‘I don’t want to see her.’

‘That’s fine, you have every right to not be on good terms with her right now but maybe she did you a favour. If that’s the kind of guy he is on top of the Mob thing, which is bad enough already, are you really willing to put up with that?’

‘hmmm.’ You drummed your fingers across your chin, although no, you certainly wouldn’t put up with that & the only chance you were going to give he blew you weren’t mad at him, just disappointed that would be it between you & you gotten laid out of it. ‘I think I’m going to become a lesbian.’

Wanda smiled at your ridiculously quick turnaround, only you could turn your frown upside down that quickly & make a joke out of it, although knowing you she wasn’t sure the lesbian bit was a joke, ‘If I recall you had your shot in college & you said it wasn’t for you’

Giggling you wouldn’t help a little dig, ‘Ha, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, we worked better as friends Wands, you need to get over it already.’

‘We both know you love cock too much to be a full time lesbian.’

Now that had you laughing, you both doubled over at the bluntness of the statement, the arrangement with Peter delivering to the hospital meant you didn’t get your usual Wanda time, you really had missed it. ‘Good point. Ugh I didn’t even get to see his, it felt huge when I gave it a rub.’

‘Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t see it. Like pandora’s box or something, keep that genie in the lamp.’

‘Honestly that thing could have granted every wish I’d ever had, I know it.’ She playfully batted your arm giggling away with you whilst giving you a side hug.

At least you still had Wanda in your corner, you stayed to catch up with her for the rest of her break before admitting you were exhausted & headed home, putting on your big girl pants in the Uber you sent a text to Yelena, immediately putting your phone on airplane mode to avoid any potential replies.

You were wary approaching your building, eyes darting around looking for anything unusual, any parked cars that weren’t the norm on your street, it was late & you just wanted to go to bed. You hadn’t heard a peep from Bucky or Yelena so half expected one of them to be waiting for you in the shadows, but apparently, they were as cowardly as you hoped, or they didn’t care as much as you thought, with the coast clear you made your way into your apartment.

You headed straight for the bathroom with the intention of a long hot shower, passing through the lounge you didn’t bother turning on the lights & caught a flash of red hair reflecting from the street lights coming through your window, the yelp you let out wasn’t your proudest moment but the last thing you expected to see was someone sat in the dark waiting for you.

‘Shit, fuck, how did you get in Natasha.’ Your hand instinctively covered your heart as it practically beat out of your chest.

‘I thought you’d come straight here, so when you didn’t show up I got cold, you should really lock your windows when you leave.’

Flabbergasted at her cool & calm demeanour, you scoffed ‘I have nothing of value.’

‘I wouldn’t say that.’ She nodded to the necklace you were unconsciously holding, a habit you had picked up since you put it on a few days prior, the unwelcomed guest didn’t fail to spot the piece of jewellery that once belonged to her boss’s mother hanging from your neck.

Having it pointed out that you were clutching it like some sort of comfort blanket, you let it drop suddenly feeling like it was weighing you down, ‘yeah well now you’re here, you can make yourself useful & return it to the sender.’

Natasha rolled her eyes, ‘Bit dramatic, it suits you, you should keep it, he would want you to keep it.’

‘Why are you here Natasha?’

‘I wanted to apologise for dragging Yelena into this. She only brought you to the club, she didn’t know that was what you would see & I hope it hasn’t ruined your friendship.’

She almost sounded sincere, but the dismissive shoulder shrug rubbed you the wrong way. ‘Why did you do it?’

‘I know Bucky, he had good intentions when it came to you, but he doesn’t commit to women, so I made sure you saw the kind of man that he really is. You are too sweet for him, this life is not all sprinkles & rainbows, he’d ruin you & I didn’t want you to get hurt.’

‘And yet, I got hurt. Because of your actions, not his.’ You let out a sigh, all you wanted was the day to be done, to take a shower, crawl into bed & sleep this feeling off, you reached behind the back of your neck to unclasp the necklace & threw it over to the red head. ‘Sell it, flush it down a toilet or give it him back I don’t care.’

As you turned towards the bedroom you looked over your shoulder to the red head still sat contently in your lounge, ‘let yourself out.’ With a brow raised she watched you walk away, maybe you were tougher than you looked, not many people spoke to her like you just did. Despite telling herself she did the right thing, as she studied the necklace swaying from her finger she felt a growing unease that she might have ruined two friendships & the outcome would push the two people together she was trying to keep apart.

You didn’t even wait for her to leave before you turned on the shower & stripped out of your clothes, you felt the most naked you had all week without the weight of emeralds sitting on your sternum & the raw feelings exposed to the empty room.

One sob, that’s all you allowed yourself as the heaviness of reality set in, betrayed by your friend & discarded by a man, all in the same moment & it fucking hurt, tears didn’t count in the under the steaming hot water so maybe you were crying, maybe you weren’t, but the pity party ended the second you stepped out.

Bucky sat in a blacked-out Aston Martin DBX watching you rushed off your feet serving customers, Yelena hadn’t been in to work today, he hoped it was because she was sick or hungover but deep down he was feeling an insurmountable guilt that you may have lost a loyal staff member & friend because of him. His worry that you worked too much was now in overdrive, you weren’t even going to get a moments peace if no one was helping you out, you may not accept it, but he shot a text to the one person he thought you could do with right now.

Finding your necklace on his desk first thing was the first crushing blow to his day, he still hadn’t dealt with Natasha & he had a feeling she had something to do with it being returned but she was nowhere to be found, wisely choosing to make herself scarce.

He was going to fix this, that he was sure of, he knew it would take patience & lot of grovelling, you were worth it & hopefully it would prove to everyone how serious he was taking this, it wasn’t a test run or an experiment, for once in his life he was committed to committing.

Peter turned up shortly after your third mini meltdown of the day, it was too much serving customers, clearing tables & baking, once the day was done you would be able to take a breath & re-strategize how you were going to cope on your own. The sight of an enthusiastic volunteer both warmed your heart & made your blood boil, Bucky knew you were alone, which mean he had stopped by without you noticing & you knew he sent Peter to check on you, a canary down the mine to feel out how mad you were.

Your stubbornness was about to fuck you up, you could see that, you could acknowledge it, so why were you letting it take over all logic that was screaming at you to accept the help, even if it was indirectly from him. A deep sigh recalibrated your brain & you reached for Yelena’s frilly apron handing it to the literal excited puppy in front of you, ‘Thank you Peter, can you clear the tables whilst I serve customers.’

‘Will do Boss.’ He quickly got to work & you managed to fly through the line of customers waiting to be served, throughout the day you showed him how to use the till, the coffee machine & most importantly how to prepare your coffee. He excelled in all areas & it only reminded you how wasted he was under Bucky’s employment, if anything came out of this whole mess it was the determination to set him up on a better path, one that included attending MIT & fulfilling his potential.

You ended the day dead on your feet, was it a good thing you didn’t have any spare capacity to be miserable about what transpired? Sure, but not dealing with it wouldn’t be the best idea, you’d have to face it sometime. Peter left with the usual surplus stock & told you he’d be there bright & early in the morning, he had spent the day checking on you but not overbearingly so, like he was a concerned friend rather than mother hen.

Instead of going home, you decided to stay upstairs in your father’s old apartment, with the amount of work needed to be done to prepare for the next day it would be a pointless endeavour to trek back to your apartment in the small hours of the morning just to crash & then come straight back, so you figured you may as well face one of your daemons whilst avoiding the other.

The melancholy hit you as soon as you crossed the threshold of the upstairs apartment, if you closed your eyes & inhaled strongly enough you could still smell faint hints of your father’s cologne, but visually he was everywhere, the shelves filled with countless recipes books, boxes sat full of old invoices waiting to be shredded, next to them records stacked high with the old record player, you had to stop yourself welling up at the memories of him twirling you around the floor to Sinatra in your little tutu after your weekly ballet class when you were 6.

You had been avoiding facing the task of clearing out the apartment for years, not long after your father died you hired a cleaner to come upstairs once a month & freshen up the place until you could decide what to do with it, you were thanking your lucky stars that you didn’t have to deal with any dust or eight legged friends during the night.

Whenever the subject of letting out the space above the bakery was mentioned it felt as though a dark cloud was looming over you, avoiding problems was your specialist subject, so not going home to face the Mob Boss potentially waiting for you was completely within your remit. You may be swapping one problem for another but hey, at least you were finally forced to deal with the longest standing issue.

In the days that followed there was no sign of the Mob Boss physically, but gifts started to arrive the morning after & never seem to end, boxes in every size imaginable were being delivered at regular intervals, the temptation to open them great but your self-preservation overruled your curious mind & so all remained unopened in your office except for the bouquet of flowers & notes that accompanied each surprise. Those were moved to the apartment upstairs & you would end every evening in some sort of masochistic self-sabotage by reading them.

The first one was a simple hand-written note detailing that he would be stopping by when he could & that he was having to deal with an urgent matter, after that, each note was a handwritten poem that pertained to the situation, he signed off each one ‘Yours James’ & each time you forced yourself to picture those girls on his lap, you weren’t his, he wasn’t yours.

Bucky was stuck between a rock & a hard place, he was desperate to visit you as soon as he could, but having been so distracted with all-consuming thoughts of you for the past few weeks, the leader of his main rival had sent Rumlow & his band of merry men to wreak havoc on the city in a bit to oust him from some of the territories he held.

Reports had begun to echo of masked men terrorising a neighbourhood in Harlem, women being harassed in Queens, then one of his warehouses was hit & he didn’t need any more confirmation as to who carried out the operation as he stood looking at the 10 ft six tentacled calling card spray painted on one of the surviving walls, he had to admit the artistic flair was impressive, but completely idiotic.

Ever since, he had been spending night after night dealing with the guys his men caught, getting more & more incensed that his focus from fixing things between you was being stolen, but he never failed to stop by the bakery at some point every day to watch you through the windows, his guilt rising every night you were there until the early hours baking before you would head upstairs to sleep. You hadn’t once returned to your apartment since the night he fucked up, Peter gave him regular updates on how you were coping, he noticed the lack of personal updates & how business he kept it all, admiring the young man’s apparent loyalty to you.

You had just received the daily bouquet of roses along with another note & small velvet box, the hoard of gifts sat in your office suffocating you with every addition, touching the exposed nerve you were fighting each day. It felt like you were drowning in your surroundings, trapped under the continuous wave of betrayal & anger when you couldn’t leave the place, having the constant reminder of it sat in your office everyday brought you to the brink of letting it consume you. The latest delivery made you snap, it needed to stop, finding an old archiving box you swiftly assembled it & gathered all the unopened gifts, somehow managing to fit them all in like puzzle pieces until the lid could be secured on top. After scribbling a note & taping it on top you asked Peter to drop it off at Bucky’s office once he had made the usual deliveries.

‘My pride, self-worth & self-respect cannot be bought by you or anyone else. Whilst I appreciate the kindness & generosity you have shown me it is ultimately not necessary, you owe me nothing.’

‘You’ve not been billing me Bunny.’

You froze, the deep voice you both missed & dreaded hearing, cursing yourself for not locking up after Peter had left, your pulse picked up & you tried to steady your breathing. You had a feeling that poking the bear would incite a visit, whether you secretly hoped it or not remained to be seen.

You span to face him, avoiding looking directly in his eyes, ‘I decided to end our agreement, I will reimburse Peter’s wages for helping out so if you let me know who to contact I will request an invoice.’

‘Don’t worry about it. You’re still paying Yelena I take it?’

You continued with your batch of crossiants to keep your hands busy & to stop you looking at him for too long, your resolve faltered the minute you heard him, ‘Yes.’

‘Well I’ve got her working with Nat on some urgent business so consider it a swap.’

Your heart sank, hoping to all that is holy that she was ok, he could read the concern on your face from your brows furrowing & you biting your lip.

‘Don’t worry she’s perfectly safe, we’ve been having trouble in some neighbourhoods & I’ve got them helping with the clean up & anyone that needs help.’

You let out a deep breath, internally debating texting her to check up on her, you were still so mad at her but not at the potential cost to her life if she was getting caught up in the Mob.

‘Now that business is taken care of, I wanted to talk about us.’

Your eyes shot up to meet his, ‘There is no us to talk about James.’

‘Oh no, you’re not getting away from this sweetheart, we need to talk about what happened.’

Shrugging, again you focused on the rolling the dough on the countertop, ‘Why, it’s pointless, you made a decision, that’s fine, good for you, done.’

‘Shout at me Bunny, I deserve it.’

You half chuckled at his demand, ‘No, you don’t. We weren’t exclusive, so you can do what you like.’

‘Natasha set me up.’

‘I know that & whilst yes it’s a shitty thing for her to do she proved that she was right about you, so I’m glad I now know & don’t have any vested interest in this … yet,’ it stung him, he was all in the minute he set eyes on you.

‘No, she’s not right, I’m a good man, I can be good for you if you’ll let me.’ He followed you out to the front of the shop, you needed a coffee after this conversation, you were already behind on your prep & this was taking up too much of your time.

‘That’s the thing, I don’t think you will be, you’re head of the Mob Bucky, you live a dangerous life, mine is simple & peaceful. Since knowing you I’ve had my hopes dashed yet again & been let down by a man & not only that betrayed by someone I trusted.’

‘I’ll show you you’re wrong & show you that I am more than just what I was born into, our life can be peaceful, I’ll prove it to you.’

‘If you want to prove yourself to be a good man, pay for Peter’s tuition to MIT, don’t let him get caught up in the Mob & waste his potential, I’ll work out a way to cover his living costs so he doesn’t have to work for you at any point when he’s studying.’

‘Consider them both covered Bunny, anything else?’

‘Return the gifts & donate the money to the Children’s hospital.’

‘Done. Anything else?’

You thought for a moment trying not to smile at how willing to appease you he was, ‘nope.’

The silence hung in the air, the tension thick & unmoveable, an impasse, you didn’t want to encourage him to stay but you weren’t sure you wanted him to leave, you needed you head to overrule your stupid weak for a gorgeous man heart.

You took a long look at him having avoided anything more than a glance at him to this point, his face was bruised & scuffed, his lip split & you almost wanted to reach out to make sure he was ok, to soothe those tender areas with your lips, instead, your head finally kicked in & you left him standing in the bakery returning to your prep with an instruction you hoped he listened to. ‘Take care of yourself please.’

The tension in your muscles finally dissipating when you heard the bell ring signifying he had left, you were half way through letting out a relieved breath when he turned around & stormed back in, you were surprised the glass didn’t shatter at the force in which he yanked the door open.

‘No.’

You were dumbfounded, ‘No, you won’t look after yourself?’

‘No, I won’t back down on this, on us.’ He was stood in front of you in three strides, it would be intimidating if you knew you didn’t hold the power in this exchange.

‘I’ve told you, you’re free to do whatever with whomever, I shouldn’t have got caught up in it, we had two great dates, that’s it. There is no us, there never was.’

‘But there is an us. You can pretend to yourself Sugar, but you can’t look me in the eye & say there is no us. We both feel it.’

That damn pet name.

You finally looked him in the eyes, maybe dismissing your hurt feelings by telling yourself he technically didn’t do anything wrong was just a lie to stop you admitting how much you wanted it to work with him, that he was all you had thought of since the second you met him & you felt an intangible pull towards him like you had a connection you couldn’t explain. ‘Then why do it?’

‘Because I’m an idiot, I know how I feel about you, they don’t. Nor do I want them to know how deep those feeling go having not known you for long, so yes, I let them goad me into make a bad decision, to not be soft in any way, to make it look like I’m the Mob Boss I’m expected to be.’

‘This is the thing Bucky.’ hearing you not call him James felt like needles in his bones, it was so cold & devoid of your usual warmth. ‘You owe me no loyalty, so you didn’t do anything wrong, at no point did we agree that there was no one else & whilst I know it was set up by Natasha, you still did it.’

‘Bunny.’

‘No, don’t Bunny me, I don’t care why, as a grown man you choose to be led by others when you are supposed to be their leader. If you want to live your life like you are, then that’s fine, I’m happy for you but it’s not a life for me, I got too carried away with the gifts & flowers & you acting like a decent human being to see that the chaos of your existence isn’t for me. I want a peaceful life filled with love, safety & security, I don’t want to wonder where my partner is, if he’s dead in a ditch because he was born into a dangerous life or between someone’s legs because he didn’t want to admit to the world he has feelings for someone other than himself.’

‘I told you, that won’t ever happen again.’

‘But how do I know that? When you fell so easily at the first fucking hurdle, the first fucking time someone mentioned that you’d gone soft & you have two women on your lap an hour later.’ You couldn’t stop your voice rising or the way it came out so brokenly.

His expression was darker than you’d seen it before like it pained him to admit out loud, ‘I can’t let anyone know that you are my weakness, they will use it against me.’

‘They’re your friends.’

‘And you found out what friendship means to some people, yes some I trust with my life, but I wouldn’t trust any of them with yours.’

You shook your head at the bleakness of his statement, ‘So not letting anyone know about me, means it will eventually happen again.’

‘I’d shout it from the fucking roof tops that someone like you was giving me the time of day, but this is for your safety Bunny, you can’t get hurt because of me, I won’t let that happen & whilst yes, I would lay down my life to keep you safe I’d rather not risk anyone knowing about you to eliminate any risk.’

You let out a deep sigh, ‘This will be easy then, forget you ever met me & leave me in peace Bucky.’

His jaw clenched at you using his nickname again, you turned you back on him to walk away, hoping he would get the hint this time, but of course he didn’t & reached out to spin you back around.

‘I think you forget who you’re talking to sometimes Sugar.’ The depth of his voice & the darkness in his eyes told you you were talking to the mob boss now, not the James you had come to know, the way his brows dropped, stalking you as you shuffled back blindly until your back hit the counter. Trapped between the cold steel pressing against your skin & his warm body turned you on more than you care to admit, he grasped your chin in his hand to force your eyes to meet his.

‘You’ve told me what you want & I can offer you all that, I won’t fuck up again, I will be the love of your life Sugar, because I know you’re mine.’ His pinkie finger slowly stroked your cheek & you were fighting yourself not to flutter your eyes at the contact. ‘Don’t ask me how, I know it’s only been two dates, but my ma always used to tell me when you find them you know & I guess she was right.’

He leaned in placing his lips on top of yours gently, his iron grip held you tight, the danger in his eyes simmering but still you made no move to get away from him, ‘I’m a man who knows what he wants, I don’t want two cheap flits only after some money & glory, I want you, the woman who holds my entire heart in her hands.’

Your breath hitched at his words & you felt yourself getting lost in his crystal blue eyes, another kiss, firmer this time paired with pressing his entire body against yours, ‘I always get what I want. It may take months, hell, you can make me wait years, but you will me mine. I’ll show you who I am, the real me, Bunny. You & I are inescapable, inevitable.’

Your heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute as he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, you could picture most people having being so curt to a mob boss expecting a gun to be retrieved & threatened with it, but instead the emerald necklace you returned to him hung from his fingers, he reached out for your hand, prying your palm open with his strong digits & dropped the pendant into your grasp before he abruptly turned around & left, leaving you in a state of seething anger & an insurmountable desperation for more of him.

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