#wanted to do the happy artwork but i'm not really in a happy place lately

[mizunoir]

stargazing ⭐

happy [late] laven week!

[kookslastbutton]

Too Late To Dream ༓ jjk (m) I Ch. VIII (final)

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 8,618

Warnings: 8-year age gap, mentions of professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), first kiss, painting date, taehyung makes oc a busi proposal, jk goes back to teaching at uni, cute note, therapy with therapist!hoseok, talk of absent parents, insecurities, fear of fatherhood, jk working through personal struggles and gets clarity, jk being good hubby to oc, sexual content

sexually explicit warnings: switch!jungkook, switch!reader, f*ngering, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex (be safe everyone!), cussing d*rty talk, penetration, b**b sucking, biting, multiple org*sms, m*ssionary;legs on shoulder, body worshipping, praise kink, impreg kink, slight lactation kink, making out in the kitchen, suggestive morning shower s*x, Kook just wanna please oc really 🥺

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: This is now the most I have ever written....ngl the therapy section will be DENSE( but i tried not to make it TOO long) 😪 anyway, we have come to the end folks 😭 thank you to all of you who have stayed with me through this whole series. It's close to my heart and always will be. I'm happy to be able to share this with you all 💞

<< ch. VII ༓┃series masterlist

Kissing you is his favorite pastime. On the lips, on your cheeks, neck–everywhere and anywhere you'll let him. He loves how squeamish it makes you. Out of all the times Jungkook's kissed you, his favorite will always be the first time in that tiny art studio of yours at your old apartment.

You didn't have much living space but you made do with what you had. And what you had was one extra room near the laundry machines.

He'll always remember how gentle your lips were against his that night. Warm as well, yet reserved. You made his whole body come to life in the most unexplainable ways.

4 years ago–

Jungkook slouches on the stool with a pout on his face and a paintbrush spinning between his fingers. This is the third time he's called you over in the last ten minutes. You've told him repeatedly that painting takes patience but it doesn't seem to make him feel any better about his artwork.

"Can you come look at this __? I don't think this is coming out the way it's supposed to be."

"Here," you set your drawing pencils on your own art desk and circle around to him, "let me see."

Jungkook scootches his stool to the side, allowing you to peer over his shoulder.

"To start, you’re using too much water if your paper is peeling and curling this much. I'd give it a few minutes before doing anything more on it. Secondly, you have water bubbles."

You reach for the blue painting sponge next to him and hold it up as if showcasing it off.

"This is going to be your best friend. It absorbs liquid so if you gently dab areas with excess water, it'll take all that water away." You demonstrate for him then hand the sponge to him. "Give it a try."

"Okay…" He takes it from you and mirrors your movements. "Isn't this called watercolor painting though? How can I be using too much water?"

You shrug. "Because it's like anything. You need to find the right balance between the paint and water or else it'll make your strokes messy. Control the need to soak your brush."

"But I like soaking my brush," he says, tongue in cheek.

"I'm going to ignore that you said that."

"You said it first."

"Not like you meant it, I didn't."

Jungkook smiles and continues dabbing his painting.

"You're pressing a little too hard Kook. The paint's smudging," you warn as he attempts to clean up the extra water spillage.

"Hm?" He doesn't seem to understand what you mean.

"It's like this," you say, carefully closing a hand over his knuckles. Jungkook's hand goes limp in yours as you guide his movements across the water bubbles. "See, the water's gone now."

When you gaze down at him, he's not paying attention to the artwork at all but to you instead.

"Someone I'm hoping to call my girlfriend soon," he mumbles back and you release your hold from his hand.

"Jungkook?" He feels you tense under his stare, eyes restlessly shifting back and forth. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh, well, um—" your mind races with what to respond. Up until now, you’ve been seeing each other for a month but no labels have been placed on your relationship yet.

"I'd really like to know what it'd be like to kiss you too.” He sets the sponge on the table and slowly leans forward to rise from his seat.

Naturally, you step backward but forget about the second art table set up directly behind you. Your hands grip the edges at the sudden contact on your backside.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I don't mean to make you feel pressured." His fingers reach out to lightly rest on your trembling hands. “I’ve just been having the best time getting to know you this past month and I’d like it if we could keep going out…as a couple.”

“I’d like that too.” You swallow thickly. “I think you caught me off guard but yeah, let’s make this official. And also, if you want, we can—kiss."

"Are you sure?" He needs to know he heard right, careful not to jump the gun. “Really sure?”

"Yes. Please kiss me.”

With your consent, Jungkook grips your hands tighter and closes his mouth over your lips. They're sweet and taste a bit like peppermint from the candy you ate earlier. He moves slowly at first, tongue swiping across the seam of your lips every now and then until you let him in.

"Jung–" you breathe a small moan yet it's only when you break apart that you're able to finish saying his name. “–Kook.”

"I liked that," he says, a smile on his face. "Any chance we can do it again?"

You nod and lean forward to kiss him again. This time firmer, holding back nothing.

Present–

"Honey, you should go back to bed for a bit. Get some more sleep." You watch your husband button up his navy blue dress shirt in the mirror. Today's the day he has to return to the university for the new academic year and he needs to be out the door within the next ten minutes.

"I have to get used to you leaving before me," you yawn. "I'll miss you."

Jungkook runs his fingers through his damp hair, fluffing it up some before striding over to your lounged position on the bed.

"Me too. I'm going to be thinking of you all day." He bends down to peck your lips. When he does, you take in the scent of his aftershave–Old Spice. "I'll see you when we get home, okay?"

You nod. "You home at 4 tonight?"

"Plus traffic so 4:30 at the latest.”

"Okay, I should get home at 5:15. Mondays are a bit hectic so it might be later. I'll text you."

He gives you another kiss, longer than the last, and you moan lazily.

"Sounds good," he stands up straight and snatches his phone from the nightstand. "I need to head out now but I'll see you later. Love you!"

Jungkook opens your bedroom door and you shut your eyes to get more sleep before having to start the daily grind yourself.

With about thirty minutes to spare Jungkook rushes to his office with his leather satchel. He doesn't remember the room being as bare as it is when he tosses the door open–only his desk, PhD, and some books left on the shelf. He hasn't been here since the end of June so granted, I'd be pretty dead in the room.

But there's not even one photo of you.

That's going to be the first thing to change, he mentally

notes. Right now, however, he needs to prep for his lecture that’s in—he checks his watch—shit.

Twenty-eight minutes.

Jungkook shoves his satchel on the bulky mahogany desk and swivels into his office chair. "Damn," he curses and re-adjusts in his seat. "Since when was my chair this uncomfortable to sit in?'

He shakes it off and pulls out his notes. A tiny blue sticky note falls out as he sorts the mix.

'Deep breaths today Dr. Jeon ;)! It's your first day again and I know you're always so hard on yourself :( But your new students will love you I'm sure. So keep yourself in good spirits and remember I'm only a phone call away. I love you and I can't wait to hear about your day when you get home tonight! <3'

He reads the message again, then again, and one last time for good measure.

Jungkook sticks the note on the surface of his desk, next to his computer where he can view it easily. He then goes back to reviewing his notes for his lecture, feeling a giggle creep up his throat; he really fricken' loves you.

Well, his first class of the day was a complete disaster. The first twenty minutes consisted of him having to troubleshoot technical errors between his laptop and the projector. His students weren’t chipper either, preferring silence when he tried striking up a conversation. And the worst part? They didn’t laugh at his jokes! Like at all. Usually, he’d at least get one or two chuckles, even if they were merely out of politeness.

It was when he ended the class half an hour early that he earned a few brownie points. Thankfully he’s not a lecture on the first day kind of professor. Still, with any luck, the semester will get better and the remainder of his sections today will be smoother.

"Dr. Jeon," a low voice rumbles down the hallway as Jungkook returns to his office. He whips his head to his left to see Taehyung taking long strides towards him.

"Dr. Kim," Jungkook responds to the greeting. "What are you doing in the School of Business?"

"Just wanted to stop and say hi. I got a studio art class to teach soon but thought I'd check in with my favorite economist first.” Taehyung stuffs his hands in the pockets of his silk trousers and follows Jungkook into his office.

"My wife isn't here Tae," Jungkook teases.

“Isn’t it about time you drop that? Yes, we had a thing back in—"

"It wasn't a thing okay?" Jungkook is eager to correct. Being reminded that his wife and best friend used to hit it off a little too well back in the day makes him queasy. "It was you who kept being obsessed with her. Well, she's mine now. Understand?"

Taehyung laughs. "You need to chill Jungkook. I see the wedding ring loud and clear. Besides, I didn't come here for her alright?" He pauses and wets his lips. "Well actually…there is something I'd like to bring up to you that may involve her."

"Oh, what?" Jungkook's ears are on high alert. What could Taehyung possibly need from you?

"How often is __ painting these days?" Taehyung takes a seat in one of the spare chairs in the room.

"She doesn't have as much time these days due to work, but I know she's got a couple of art projects in the process."

"She's got a pretty big collection though, doesn’t she? Has she ever considered showcasing them off at galleries or selling to collectors?”

“Yeah, I’d say she has roughly eighty finished pieces between drawings and paintings. But she's tried the gallery route before and they've all rejected her work from being showcased. I don't think she wants to pursue it anymore. And as far as selling? Don't think so."

"Hmm." Taehyung taps his fingers on the armrest. "What if it were to be my art gallery? Over the summer I managed to form a minor partnership with that local gallery downtown. Remember, the one I displayed work at years ago when __ was in postgrad? Took a visit down there weeks ago and found out the owner is running low on funds. He's had my art displayed for a while now and I've always wanted to own a gallery. I've no shortage of assets either so I'm taking the plunge to keep it open.”

Jungkook quirks his head to the side with an open mouth and eyes wide as saucers. “You're really part owner of that gallery now? Wow, Tae. I always knew you were a free spirit but damn that's an investment."

"I guess, but hey now that you know. We're looking to expand our collection so how would your cute wife like to show her work? __ is a phenomenal artist and it’s a shame she hasn’t had the opportunity to have it publicly admired. I’d see that her work be approved immediately, of course."

“You're joking,” Jungkook sputters in disbelief. He can't speak for you but he's pretty darn sure you’re going to be absolutely tickled about this.

"I'm being completely serious. Talk to __ about it and see what she thinks." Taehyung checks the time on his phone and stands up from his chair. "Hate to cut this short but I got that class in ten. Let me know what she decides though."

"Yeah, I'll ask her. I—thank you Taehyung. I'm not sure what else to say."

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m happy to do this for her. For you both actually.” Taehyung leaves with a tight-lipped smile, a pep in his step.

Bzzz. Bzzz.

Hobi: Hey, sorry for the late reply. Had a couple of last-minute patients to see. I’m happy to hear from you though! If you want to come in for a session I have a slot free late Thursday evening. Other than that we may need to do it next week since I have a pretty full schedule this week.

Oh, that’s right. Jungkook reads over the text. He messaged Hoseok about possibly coming in for a therapy session last night. After telling you about both his apprehension and interest in starting a family, he thinks it is best to get some professional input. And what better person to ask than one of his long-time friends?

JK: I’d really like to meet before I get loaded with papers and tests to grade, if possible. How late on Thursday? I get out of work at 4.

Hobi: I understand. Can you come right after work? Sessions last around forty minutes to an hour.

JK: Sure, I don’t think I have anything to do after that. __ will still be at work. She knows I’m seeing you too, so it’s fine. I’ll see you at 4:15-ish. Your practice isn’t far from here last I remember.

Hobi: Yup, short drive. I’ll put you on the calendar for Thursday afternoon. I’m glad you reached out, Jungkook. I’ve been thinking about you and __ lately. Heard you babysat Yoongi’s twins.

JK: We did.

Hobi: And how was that?

JK: Not bad. I’ll tell you tomorrow though. I’m prepping for another class right now.

Hobi: Got it, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you on Thursday.

JK: Thanks, man!

Jungkook sends a thumbs-up emoji and sets the phone flat on his desk. Well, he sighs, looks like you got yourself an appointment with a shrink.

He doesn’t know what to expect. But what he does know is that he needs to go in with an open mindset. Previous conversations with Hoseok have led him to conclude that it matters what you put into it.

“Therapy isn’t an answer to all your problems,” he recalls Hoseok explain years ago. “Its purpose is to create a space for you to process struggles in your life; triggers even. The goal is for you to better understand the root of those triggers and to find new tools that help you navigate through them. Whenever you are posed with said challenge, you can be better equipped to confront them so you can come out stronger on the other side.”

Jungkook takes a swig of water from his water bottle. He thinks of you as he does–he’s doing this for both of you in hopes that something beautiful might come from it.

At 3:15 Jungkook has his last class. His afternoon students ended up being far more engaging than his morning students. They talked to him casually, asked good questions, and gosh darn it they laughed at his jokes too. They were a great bunch of kids, Jungkook hums. He’s looking forward to walking alongside them this semester.

Before calling it a day and leaving the university, Jungkook decides a brief stroll around campus would be nice. One, it gets fresh air in his lungs and two, he’d really like to stretch his legs before sitting back down in his car.

As he walks through the middle of campus, he smiles at the groups of students rushing with their book bags. It’s a good mix between undergrads and grads. Seeing all of them rush around takes him back to his days of late-night studying at the library and partying with friends on the weekends. He tried not to party too rough but well, he might have been a little too eager to finally be on his own the first year.

He dated around a little too. The chicks at his undergrad were cute and he went out with a few of them. His longest relationship lasted a year but she broke it off with him the last year–she married an architect a year and a half later. No matter though, Sana was a sweet girl and nothing drastic ever happened between them. Hearing that she was getting married made him more happy than sad because she deserved to be with someone great. Plus, if he stayed with her, he would never have met you.

Jungkook stops in his tracks when he spots two students from his 12:15 class standing behind a small outdoor table. They appear to be selling something he can’t quite make out due to the distance.

“Dr. Jeon!” The girl waves when she catches her professor looking in their direction.

Jungkook walks up to the table with a smile. “Mi-suk, Doyun,” he greets each individually. It’s at this point that he’s able to see a dozen frames of sea glass art spread across the table. “Did you guys make these?”

The pair nod in unison. “We went to the beach this summer and found a lot of glass so we decided to do something with it.” Doyun, Mi-suk’s boyfriend, holds up one of the framed pieces that are decorated with green and blue sea glass. “This one is about lovebirds. See the heart that connects them?”

The birds that he refers to are easily seen from the sea glass’s sharp edges and carefully selected clustering. The heart is also made out of sea glass and lays between both birds. It’s a simplistic yet meaningful design.

“We wanted the heart to be interpreted in all kinds of ways from love to new beginnings like–“

“A child.” Jungkook takes the words out of Mi-suk, in a low whisper. “How much?” He digs out his wallet from his back pocket.

“33000 won. ($25 USD).” Doyun responds. “Do you have a child on the way?” Mi-suk jabs her boyfriend in the side at this.

“You don’t have to tell us Dr. Jeon. We don’t want to be nosy.” She laughs it out but Jungkook shakes his head at her.

“It’s no big deal. I’m married but we don’t have a kid at the moment. My wife loves art and she loves sea glass so, I’d like to hang one of these in our home.” He hands over the cash and takes the artwork from Doyun.

“Thank you, Dr. Jeon,” Doyun remains polite and puts the money in the cash box.

“Do you have a picture of her?��� Mi-suk asks to which her boyfriend says “Now who’s being nosy?”, earning him another jab to his side.

Jungkook pulls out a small, lightly crinkled photo of you from his wallet. “This is her.” He shows it to them with a proud expression–he enjoys showing you off every chance he gets.

“She’s so beautiful Dr. Jeon! You both look so good together wow.”

“She makes us look good together.” Jungkook chuckles and slides the photo back into his wallet.

“Aww, why don’t you ever say things like that?” Mi-suk turns to her boyfriend who only shrugs.

“Why do I have to be the one to say it? Why can’t you say it?” Doyun moves to fold his arms but Jungkook gives a grimace, hinting him not to follow through. “Sorry babe, I’ll do it more often.”

Young love, Jungkook thinks. “I have to get going now, making dinner before she gets home. But thanks for the sea glass art. I’ll see you both in class on Wednesday.” He waves goodbye and heads for his car.

“He makes dinner for her too…” Mi-suk watches as her professor leaves. “You’ve never made dinner for me.” She shifts her eyes to her boyfriend who’s too busy counting the money they’ve earned so far to see her distraught face.

“Where did you get that?” You point at the new art piece hanging from the wall with your chopsticks. “It’s lovely. Are those birds?”

“Yeah, they’re love birds. A couple of my students were selling seaglass art in the middle of campus. I thought one would look nice on our wall and you like this type of art right?” Your husband takes a bite of the roasted chicken he’s made.

“I do,” you say. “Thank you for bringing one home. How was your first day back at the university?”

“Fine, my morning class is struggling but I’m hoping the energy will pick up as the semester progresses. The afternoon class is good, they seem like a fun bunch. Looking forward to the year. What about you? How was work?”

“Oh, nothing much to tell. I had a meeting with one of our business partners. Went over a series of analytical reports with him, and made suggestions on what they could do to make better-informed business decisions.”

“Yeah? Did they sound like they’d take them?” You giggle when some of the sauce from the chicken smears the corner of his mouth. “What?” he looks at you for an answer.

“Wipe your mouth. There’s sauce all over it.” You hand him a napkin and he cleans himself off. “But back to your question, they seemed receptive to my advice. We’ll see what happens in the next three months though, time will tell if they listened or not.”

“Well,” he swallows down his bite before continuing. “If they have any sense they’ll follow your suggestions. Still, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”

You nod in agreement. “So, did anything else happen for you today? I really don’t have much else to share other than that. It was a fairly normal day.”

Jungkook sets his chopsticks on his plate and takes a drink of his beer. “There’s a few things I need to talk to you about. Oh, also,” he interrupts his own line of thought, “the note you left me was sweet. I have it on my desk by my computer.”

“I thought maybe you could use some encouragement on your first day so you’re welcome. What do you need to talk to me about?”

“First on the agenda is Taehyung. He stopped by my office and told me that he’s got a partnership with that gallery downtown. The one he displayed his work at years ago when you were in postgrad. Turns out the owner needs financial support so he’s decided to help them out as a part-owner.”

Jungkook sees that you’re just as surprised as he was when he first heard the news. “So he owns that gallery now? That man gets around well. You know that’s something about Taehyung, he’s a good networker. Never have to worry about if he knows someone or not.”

“It’s one of his strengths for sure. Taehyung’s asked me to ask you if you’d be interested in showcasing some of your artwork. He says they’re looking for more artists for their gallery and that he’d like to have your work displayed. What do you think?”

“I–what?” Getting to showcase your art has been one of your biggest dreams since a teenager. But after countless failed attempts to take your art beyond the studio, you’ve nearly given up hope that any galley would accept your pieces. “Are you shitting me Jungkook?”

“I know it’s shocking. Taehyung literally just dropped the bomb on me today and this is 100% real. If you want to get your art out there, Taehyung can pull the right strings to make that happen. Now that I think of it, he didn’t tell me when to get back to him. Probably will need to text him whenever you make your decision I guess.”

“I think I’d love to be able to do that. I don’t even know which ones to show though, I have so many to choose from.”

“I’m sure if you take a week to think it over you’ll be able to narrow down your options. And besides, this doesn’t have tp be the only set of paintings you show off. You can always switch them out from time to time. Taehyung will see that it happens.”

“Damn,” you say. “Kim Taehyung really has the whole world in the palm of his hand huh?” That man has more power in his little toe than all the world’s leaders combined.

“Taehyung is…one of a kind.” Jungkook leans his body forward, arms crossed on the dining table. “There’s a second topic I’d like to talk about too if it’s alright?”

“Shoot.”

“I have a therapy session with Hoseok on Thursday after work. I should be able to get back before 5 p.m. but we might want to order out for dinner that night.” There’s a trace of nervousness as he tells you so you reach out to sneak a hand into one of his.

“That’s fine, I can pick something up on my way home from work. I’m glad he was able to get you in this week.”

Jungkook flickers his eyes down at your hand in his, then back up to your face.“It probably goes without saying but I’m not sure what’ll come from this session. And even if it does go well, I can’t promise that we can start a baby right away. I mean maybe we can, I’m not saying we can’t but–”

“It’s okay Kookie,” you say gently. “This isn’t only about us having a baby or not you know? You’ve had a lot of challenges with your parents that I think Hoseok can help you talk through. I want you to be able to have clarity in those areas of your life too.”

“Thank you __. I love you so much.” He brings your hand to his lips and kisses it.

“I’m glad you wiped your mouth off before you did that,” you tease, playfully. Jungkook immediately lets go of your hand and gets up to walk to your side of the table.

“Come here smart ass,” he orders, grabbing your face to pepper several kisses on your cheeks.

Draining.

That’s the one word that comes to Jungkook’s mind if he were to sum up the rest of the week. He enjoys teaching at the university but four days in he’s already feeling the stress kinks in his neck.

“Mm.” Jungkook rolls his shoulders back to stretch the tense muscles–it’s a good thing he’s seeing Hoseok today. After getting a good stretch out, he puts his car key in the ignition and heads for the practice downtown.

"Come in, come in," Hoseok greets Jungkook with a beaming smile once he arrives at his office no short of ten minutes later. His room is on the smaller side but it has a harmonious energy with the way the sun peaks through the blinds. "How's your week been?"

Jungkook takes a seat in the large, cozy chair angled across Hoseok. He leans against the back lazily and lets out a long sigh. "It's alright, tiring, but it's to be expected. You?"

"Roughly the same.” Hoseok shuts the door and takes a seat in the chair diagonal to Jungkook. “I’ve had more patients this week than usual which has made me short on time lately. But I'm happy to make time for them."

"Thank you for seeing me this week. I was surprised when you said you could given how full your schedule gets.”

Hoseok waves his hand in dismissal. “Oh, of course, it’s no problem,” he reassures. “I had an opening so that’s why I offered. You and __ are also good friends of mind; I’m more than willing to meet with you today Jungkook. So…why don’t we get started? How was taking care of Yoongi’s rambunctious twins? You’ve taken care of them before right?”

At this, Jungkook sits straight up in his seat, his shoulders back and eyes directly trained on Hoseok. He appears stiff like the tin man from The Wizard of Oz. “Feel free to sit back,” Hoseok lightly suggests. “This isn’t a test or anything so you can relax and get comfortable if you’d like.”

“Okay.” Jungkook follows his friend’s suggestion and sinks into the back of the chair. His hands relax on his spread-out thighs. “So yeah, we’ve taken care of Yoongi’s girl before. Ari and Eun-ji have no shortage of attitude that’s for sure.” He chuckles, then continues. “They’re sweet though. I had this warm, positive energy throughout that whole night. Usually, I never have a strong feeling towards being around kids. It’s always been ‘ah they’re cute but not for me’ or ‘yes hyung, I’ll be fine to take them for a day’ but it wouldn’t go any further. I told __ about it and I think she’s holding onto hope that it means I’m changing my mind about kids.”

“And are you changing your mind? Sometimes those strong emotions will come at specific moments and they can give a false narrative. You and __ have been thinking about a baby recently which may influence these new feelings. But we have to be careful that they don’t blur what you actually want.” Hoseok pauses a second to let Jungkook maul over his words.

“It’s like this,” he continues. “You want to have a baby with her because you love her but last time we met, you said you weren’t sure if you could want it naturally for yourself. Now that you know what the other wants, and you’ve had a picture of what having kids may look like with the twins, you are more welcoming of the idea of starting a family. ‘Maybe it won’t be so bad’, your mind will tell you–‘Maybe this can really happen and I’ll be okay with it’. Meanwhile, your subconscious will say the complete opposite–that you’re pressuring yourself to feel a certain way to get that ideal outcome of giving your wife a baby. Which in turn, makes her happy and gives you security in your marriage and in yourself. I’m not saying this is exactly what’s going on but it’s a possibility to consider. Does this make sense?”

“I get what you’re saying.” Jungkook gives a brief nod. “I’m trying to be careful not to go by my feelings alone or say yes to a child out of pure tolerance of it or a willingness to please my wife. I’ve had some minor hiccups with saying we can have a baby at random times to __ . It’s caused her confusion so I’m more careful to not do stuff like that so casually. But I really am thinking about potentially starting a family so I think my mind really is changing. It’s like I’m 60% there but 40% not there.”

“60% there and 40% not there,” Hoseok repeats. “Could you break those down for me? How did you come to those percentages?”

“Well, I’m 60% because after giving it a lot of thought, I don’t dislike kids so I’m open to having them, any children I’ve been around recently have oddly uplifted my spirits, and I love my wife so if there’s anyone I could have a family with, it’d be with her. I’m 40% not there because I’m afraid I’ll revert back to my previous mindset if said child were to come. I don’t know if I can trust myself.”

“There seems to be a small pattern forming–you being uplifted around children,” Hoseok replies. “Patterns of behavior can be a measurement of progress or lack thereof. If you’ve been repeatedly uplifted around kids that’s something to think about as you sort through the matter of starting a family with __. You can trust yourself more in the conclusions you come to when there is repeated behavior and action to support them. Now as far as you being afraid you’ll revert back to your old self, why did that old Jungkook not want children? Was it a lack of interest in itself or were there external influences?”

“Uh, I guess I wanted to live a life focused on my career. My parents have done the same, but I wanted to do it separately from them. Growing up was always about meeting goals, whether they were academically or socially based. My parents were pretty absent from my life outside those frames. I couldn’t know them up close, like a healthy parent-child relationship. So when I grew up the thought of having children disinterested me. I’m happy for people who have kids but I didn’t see myself in a parenting role myself. I wasn’t fit for it either, so why have a child that I can’t properly take care of? I’d do better focusing on my career and maybe having a partner when the time came. That was my mindset.”

“It starts as disinterest and shifts to inadequacy,” Hoseok thinks a moment as he processes the explanation. The wheels turn in his head as he sorts through the information disclosed to him. “Jungkook,” he slowly starts. “Do you see yourself as naturally insecure? It seems like this different life you are describing works well for you and you’re comfortable with it, partly due to how you were raised. So the thought of something new coming into your life, like a baby, risks flipping your life upside down. You’re in turn, left vulnerable and scrabbling for what the proper course of action is. This leads to my next question–do you have a fear of becoming like your parents?”

“I suppose I do, but I never put that much weight into it before because I always thought I’d do better than them. And for the most part, I have. When it comes to raising a child though, the potential of following their lead still frightens me.”

“Given the environment you grew up in, that's completely understandable. Unfortunately, your parents didn’t raise you as a child but more of an employee or predecessor that only adds to their self-value. If it’s any encouragement, you being aware that they raised you poorly and successfully becoming a person that doesn’t embody their harmful traits means you will likely not end up like them. So you can be at ease, Jungkook. You’ll raise your children with a healthy mindset–separate from your parents.”

“Just to clarify, hyun–Dr. Jung, you’re saying that I've been against having a child because I’m worried I’ll lose my comfortable lifestyle; my security in other words. And because I’m scared to become my parents which shouldn’t be a fear because I know what they did was wrong?” Jungkook struggles to wrap his mind around the logic.

“It’s alright that you still have that apprehension Jungkook, the fear of following in your parent’s footsteps. I’m suggesting that it won’t happen because you’ve become a person who actively repulses those poor choices that they’ve made. So if you were to have a child, the chances of them being raised as you were is significantly low. Also, you wouldn’t be raising the child alone. __ will be there with you every step of the way and all of us who have been your friends for ages will be more than willing to help you too. Yoongi and Seokjin been fathers for years so they’ll be the first ones to offer a proper hand.”

“So wait, does this mean I’m ready to be a parent then? Because I see your point and it’s starting to make sense. I think I am leaning towards being one but I'm unsure if I can have a child right away. __ won’t say it but I think she’ll want to get pregnant fairly soon if I agree to having a baby. I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“It’s still up to you to decide if you’re ready or not, Jungkook.” Hosoek clears his throat, leaning forward in his chair. “Here’s what I’m saying. Your aversion to having kids doesn’t seem like a mere disinterest in kids. It’s more of an insecurity in yourself that you can work through with some help. Plus, part of you wants a child because you’ve had positive experiences with them recently. I believe, with all the factors we've discussed, you will be able to better understand the source of your hesitation and openness toward starting a family. This will help you make a clearer decision on the matter instead of holding yourself back from one based on previous misconceptions–”

“So that’s it then,” Jungkook interrupts as if enlightened. “I actually do want a baby, generally speaking. I’ve just been looking at the whole issue the wrong way, holding myself back and such.”

“Uh okay, slow down there,” Hoseok eases. “You don’t have to make the decision to have a baby right away. I’m glad you’re beginning to understand your situation more but for now, let’s talk more about this subject okay?”

Jungkook nods in agreement and continues his session with Hoseok for another half hour. He feels good by the end, so good that he schedules another meeting with him next week.

And yeah, he thinks he really does want that baby. When he gets home he’s going to wrap you in his arms and tell you all about it.

Jungkook finds you on the living room couch when he gets home. Your legs are tucked underneath you as you scroll on your phone. You're out of your work clothes and have a plain t-shirt and shorts on instead.

"Hey," you greet your husband. "How was it?"

Your husband rushes to sit beside you, the cushion bouncing due to his eagerness. He proceeds to tell you everything that Hoseok said, from his inner struggles with his parents to his own insecurities with fatherhood. By the end of his spiel, you're delighted that your husband's gotten helpful insight but are in utter shock as well.

"I–wow I'm blown away at how good seeing Hosoek was for you. I knew he'd help you a ton being who he is but I wasn't expecting you to be this enthusiastic to talk about babies." You let out a nervous laugh. "Sorry, nothing's funny. I need a minute to process everything, that's all."

You head to the kitchen for a glass of water. Jungkook follows behind you.

"You know...we met at a time that a child wasn't really in the cards, but now we're at a place that I think it could work," he says. "Hoseok helped me understand my hesitation and openness towards starting a family. And by the end, the thought of having a baby excited me more than scared me because we'll be doing it together."

"Are you–Junkook, are you really serious about all this?" You lean against the kitchen counter with a glass in your hand. "This a big step for us and I don't want you to have to make a quick decision. I know it was me who brought up having a family first, so it's no problem if we need to take more time to–"

"I want to do this with you __." Jungkook walks over to you and takes the cup from your hand to set it on the countertop. He then folds his hands over yours. "Nothing would make me happier than having a baby together. You still want to, don't you?"

"I do," you swallow hard and stare into his loving eyes. A small smile creeps on your face when the reality of the situation hits you–you're actually going through with this; you're going to start a family.

"So..." Jungkook drawls, inching his body closer to you.

"So, what?"

"So don't take your birth control tomorrow if you don't want to." He drops your hands at that in favor of cupping your cheeks instead, bringing you into a passionate kiss. You moan when the kiss deepens and you feel his muscular body press you further against the counter.

"Not in the kitchen," you mumble between kisses.

"Could be fun though," Jungkook smirks and brings his hands around your waist, lifting you up on the surface. Experience tells you to wrap your arms and legs around him so you do. And when he goes back for another kiss, he makes sure to bite on your bottom lip so he can slip his tongue in your mouth.

"Mhph–" you moan when his hands slip underneath your shirt, dragging it up until you lift your arms for him to take it off. He moves to your neck next, placing several open-mouth kisses on the delicate skin that is sure to turn into bluish-purple hickeys in the morning. "Jungkook," you tug his hair roughly.

Your husband grunts at the gesture and traces his fingers along your bare skin until they find the delicate band of your bra. He unclasps the material in seconds, leaving your nipples pebbling from the cool air.

"Is it too soon for me to say I can't wait until these are lactating?" He cups the swell of your breasts and circles his thumbs over your hardened buds. You mewl at the touch, arousal already collecting between your thighs.

"They'll be for the baby," you reply. "Not you."

Jungkook growls immediately and brings his mouth over a breast. The relentless sucking and licking makes you throw your head back in pleasure. He moves to your other breast after his teeth tug at your nipple a few times, repeating the process all over again. "Fuck–" you yelp when one of his tugs gets a little too harsh.

"Shit, I'm sorry baby." He draws his teeth back and starts licking the bud soothingly. "Feel better?"

"Mm," you whine. "Need more, please."

Jungkook knows exactly what you're asking for so he gives your nipples one last lick each, then pecks your lips. His sturdy arms lift you off the counter next and carries you into the bedroom where he lays you on the bed.

"Just a second," he says. You nod and watch him yank his shirt over his head, revealing his toned body. It's always sexy to see him taking his clothes off like this, you think to yourself. He removes his pants; leaving his briefs on, then climbs on the bed with you. "You're so effortlessly beautiful you know that? I'm gonna make you feel good tonight baby," he promises and plants gentle kisses down your abdomen.

You raise your butt a little when he starts peeling your shorts and underwear off. "Fuck, I didn't know you could get this wet," he comments, spreading your thighs apart so he can comfortably sit between them. A single finger drags up your slit, a moment after and you buck your hips at the suddenness. "How many fingers do you want? Or do you want to skip to my tongue eating you out? I'll do whatever you tell me, baby."

You moan hearing the last part. Jungkook is always quick to please. "Both, please. Your fingers and mouth," you say, gripping the sheets in preparation.

At your word, Jungkook slowly pushes a finger into your wet pussy. The initial squelch gives both of you pleasure; a shiver runs down your spine and Jungkook's underwear tightens.

"Oh god," you moan when a second finger slides next to the first one, both curling inside you just right. "One more, need one more." Jungkook pumps his fingers into you two more times, then adds a third.

"Like it?" he asks, fingers moving faster in you. "Feeling good?"

"Yes, fuck–keep going Kook."

Jungkook continues pumping his finger inside you, carefully watching you bite your lip as he does. He loves seeing you like this–getting so fucked out over his fingers. "Shit–" he grunts and leans his head between your thighs when he sees some of your pearly white liquid drip down your thighs and onto the bed sheets.

"Fuckfuckfuck," you repeat, nearly breathless as your husband starts licking a long stripe across your sex. He removes his fingers before doing it again, allowing him to dip the tip of his tongue into your folds ever so slightly. "I think I'm about to come," you warn and claw at his luscious hair with one hand.

Jungkook takes this as the perfect time to start sucking your clit, biting it teasingly until you finally have your first orgasm of the night. When he lifts his head from your pussy, his mouth and chin are both glistening with your cum. "I love eating you out," he says, using his arm to wipe his mouth and chin, "You always taste like fucking candy. And you have no idea how turns on it makes me to see you enjoying it just as much."

"I'm pretty sure I can take a good guess," you reply, eyeing his obvious erection. "Want me to suck you off?" You move to slide the band of his briefs down but he stops the movement.

"Not tonight baby," he says. "I really just want to fuck you now."

"You sure?" you ask again but he only gets off the bed and removes his underwear. His hard cock smacks against his abdomen when he does, making your pussy clench around nothing.

"Missionary?" Jungkook crawls back on the bed and guides you on your back before throwing your legs over his shoulder. "Heard this angle is good for making babies." He winks and you laugh at his sudden playfulness.

"Kook, you know it'll be a few months before I'll be able to get pregnant right? Since I've been on birth control for years?"

"Well, I guess we're getting a head start then." Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows at you flirtatiously then slowly sinks the tips of his length into your pussy until bottoming out.

"Oh fuck," you both moan in unison at the familiar stretch. You and Jungkook have had a lot of sex over the years but not like this; this is a whole new experience.

"You're gonna make such a pretty mama," he coos, slowly thrusting his cock in and out of you. You feel the pressure in your core start to build at the simple comment. "You want me to make you round with our child don't you?"

"Yes–please, I want it so bad."

"My poor baby." Jungkook quickens his pace, pulling his cock out before slamming back in. Every thrust is rougher than the last, leaving you in a moaning mess as your body bounces up and down on the mattresses. "Gonna give you as many as you want now okay? Gonna fill this pussy up so good."

"Kook!" You scream and clench uncontrollably around him as he continues fucking you at what you can only call an animalistic pace. His hair is messy, body sweating, and his teeth are clamped together in sheer pleasure.

"Fuck!" He lets out another loud groan, his tatted hand clinging onto your legs while the other presses down on your stomach. "Look at you taking me so well," he praises. "Always so good for me or do you really want a baby that bad hm? Talk to me baby, tell me how it feels having your guts rearranged."

"It–" you can barely speak as his cock beats into you messily, his balls slapping against your asscheeks as he does. "It feels so good, shit! Don't stop!" You claw the sheets, desperate to cling onto something.

"Yeah? You want me to keep fucking you like this?" He pushes down on your stomach a little more. The added pressure makes it so you can feel his cock even more.

"Oh god, oh god fuck–" your eyes roll to the back of your head as your pussy starts spasming from all the thrusting. "So close, I'm so close Jungkook..."

"I can tell baby," he grunts. "You're squeezing me so tight but you're also so fucking wet. Come whenever you're ready okay? I'm going get us both there."

The next thirty seconds to a minute consists of Jungkook snapping his hips and several of your broken moans echoing off the walls of your bedroom. Finally, after a series of long, hard thrusts, you both reach your peak and have your release.

"I love you so much," Jungkook lets go of your legs and moves to straddle you. His elbows come up on either side of your head as he leans in for a kiss.

"I love you too," you mumble and card your fingers through his hair. "You're going to make a wonderful father Kook."

"Only because of you," he whispers before capturing your lips in simultaneously the most fiery and sweet kiss you've ever shared.

"What time is it?" You lazily throw an arm around your husband but to your dissatisfaction, it slips off him and hits the mattress instead. He's getting up for work–crap.

"It's 5:30 a.m," Jungkook replies and stands up from the bed, back muscles flexing as he does. He's still naked from last night and so are you now that you think about it. "I need to hop in the shower for work."

You reach forward to catch his wrist before he can move any further. "Let me join you."

Jungkook smiles. You're so beautiful with the way the soft sheets wrap around your bare skin. And your grip on his wrist makes him wish he could crawl back in bed with you.

"As wonderful as that sounds, we both know what'll happen if you jump in the shower with me. And we don't have enough time for that today. Sleep instead, okay?" He gives you a quick kiss and heads for the bathroom.

"Kook–" You kick the covers off your body and follow him.

"What are you doing?" he turns his head in your direction when he feels a cool breeze coming from the door.

"I need to shower too," you say and step behind him in the tub.

"Alright," he narrows his eyes at you. "I'll allow it but behave." When he turns on the hot water you grab your bodywash from the shelf.

"Mhm," you hum. "I definitely will."

You definitely did not. Which is why your husband is about to be late to his lecture with potential hickeys on his neck. You tried to be careful not to put them anywhere visible though—the kids don't need to see that.

"I gotta leave honey," he kisses you by the front door, keys jingling in his hand. "Bye," another kiss. "Yup bye…okay I love you but if I can't get fired by not showing up to class."

You give him one last smooch before reluctantly letting him go. "Oh wait, your collar." You smooth the fabric down for him when you see the crinkles. Jungkook likes it when you groom him like this, it's cute.

"Thanks," he says. "Love you!"

Once he's out of sight you shut the door behind him and walk back to your bedroom.

oh god.

You immediately stand still when you feel a sudden throbbing in your head. You place a hand over your stomach and close your eyes in hopes it'll pass.

"I think I need some water," you say. "I'm so nauseous. This has to be a dizzy spell. No way I'm pregnant after one night of being off my birth control." You dismiss the idea at the mere thought. "It's too soon."

Despite your protests, you decide to pick up a pregnancy test on your way home from work—just to be sure.

"Negative," you read the results of the test later that night. Outside the bathroom, you hear your husband rustling about in the bedroom. "Well, we'll just keep trying."

You smile, anticipating the start of your new life with Jungkook.

A/N: What do you think of the ending? I know oc is negative for pregnancy but she just got off bc so it'll take a few months. Still, they will keep trying ;) stayed tuned for an epilogue and hit me up with drabble ideas, as I will be writing more myself haha. Love You!! 😘

Masterlist

Taglist:

@frieschan @oldermenluverrr @tatamicc @kookswifesblog @llallaaa @sunnybyeol @namtaeh @exactlygreatcoffee @whipwhoops @yoongisducky @ktnj91 @junecat18 @thvlover7 @yoongiworshiper @ellesalazar @monbebe234-blog @parkinglot-nights @borahaexoxo @hobiswhore @kimseokjinbangtan @jjk97091 @mk-id @blueberry711 @givemethemaknaes16 @iammartian07 @jjkluver7 @itsdingdong @jiminshi20 @sweet-sourhotcoco @lubtou @lovingkoalaface @starsinsky1999 @rockstarrgyu @chaconnelatte @kaithezaftig @skzthinker @babystarcandykookie @glossyyyymin @siudema @justanotherkpopstanlol @jksjx

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[maleyanderecafe]

Yandere Killing!! ~When I told my obsessive childhood friend, "I love you too," she shifted to the romantic comedy route~(Manga)

Created by: Toyama Monaka/Kazuichi

Genre: Smut

The continual descent into translating yandere stuff continues. This one only has one chapter out for me to translate so far, so really the only last maybe 10 pages have any semblance of smut. Still though, the artwork for this one is very pretty and I am so happy with the way that I typefaced this one like you will not believe how clean it is compared to other ones I've translated.

The story starts out with a man named Isogi begging in front of Miyoshi to take him back after he cheated on her with another girl. Miyoshi of course bluntly rejects him, stating that the one thing he cannot forgive is cheating to which Isogi is dragged away. After that, her coworkers get worried about her and she continues her work at the coffee shop, only to meet up with another man named Ohara who asks if the two of them will be eating dinner tonight. Ohara and Miyoshi are childhood friends and have a tendency to eat together with her sister Ryoka. Outside, Isogi stalks Miyoshi until Ohara comes to "have a talk with him". At night, it seems Ohara is late and Miyoshi and Ryoka eat together instead, before Ryoka turns in for the night warning Miyoshi to be more careful when it comes to Ohara. Ohara comes over to eat and we see that Miyoshi has had a long time crush on him, however, feels that he has no interest in him because of an event that happened when she was in high school. At work, Tayaka ends up proposing to Miyoshi after she laments about her ex for a bit promising that he will be loyal, however, is interrupted by Ohara. Ohara seems pretty pissed which leads to Miyoshi feeling depressed about this fact as she still has a crush on him. Not wanting this to eat her, she tries to call Ohara so that she can confess to him, even if she feels he won't reciprocate. However, while attempting to do so, her sister ends up calling her instead, warning that Ohara is right behind her before Ohara takes her phone. Ohara is extremely jealous and starts to touch her. talking about how Isogi and Tayaka don't deserve her before basically mating pressing her at the end.

Basically I think that the plot of this smut (I mean most smuts barely have a plot, fair enough) was pretty intriguing until the very end of this chapter where everything escalates way too fast. I guess considering the title states it goes into a comedic route that might be the reason why? Hard to tell with just the first chapter though. Also because we know that the male lead is a yandere at all times, the misunderstanding of her not realizing that Ohara does have a huge crush on him is pretty like...well, the dramatic irony is not lost on me, I suppose. Still, I did think that the entire thing with Sayuki's drive to not try to get back together with someone who cheated is pretty good, although I'm not sure why she feels like that since we don't know if she's actually had problems with cheaters in the past (before Isogi) and I feel (?) like it's pretty standard for people to not get back with someone who has cheated on them if there is not reason to (like having kids or being financially dependent on them for instance). Like I said though, the ending of that is pretty confusing- how did Sayuki's sister Ryoka know that Ohara was right behind her and why did she call in the first place? I mean, I know Ryoka was pretty much the only person who knew the two liked each other, but how did she know he was coming for her? And like. I don't understand why Ohara didn't just try to confess to her in the first place if he likes her so dang much anways, especially since it did seem like the two of them were close. Again though, this is a smut so it's not like the plot is the most important part of this story, there's just a lot of things going on that don't really have an explanation now.

That being said, this artwork is very pretty and it does a good job with the yandere expressions that we did get. Hopefully as more chapters come out that I can translate we can figure out what is going on in this story.

[albertasunrise]

Oops Baby - Frankie's Girl

Masterlist

Summary: Being best friends with Frankie meant movie nights, drinks with the guys and a shoulder to cry on when you got your hear broken. He is head over heels for you but you don’t feel the same… yet a drunken mistake will tie your lives together forever!

Relationships: Frankie Morales x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+

Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2

You hated their happiness. 

You hated watching as the two of them seemed to fall madly in love with each other. All the while your realisation that you had, indeed, developed feelings for your best friend had kept you up at night. Your heart seemed to ache. Permanently. You had lost count of the number of nights you had cried yourself to sleep. 

So you distracted yourself in whatever ways you could. At almost seven months pregnant you were struggling more and more with day-to-day tasks. But with Frankie often distracted by his new girlfriend and Benny busy training for his upcoming fights. You often found yourself struggling on. You didn't want to be a bother to Will. He had enough on his plate so you did what you could. 

Ben took on the role of best friend as the weeks went by. Frankie did what he could. The nursery was almost finished. The furniture was built and the painting was done. All that was left to do was start unpacking the clothes and toys you'd been given at the shower Frank had thrown a few weeks after you'd learned you were having a girl. 

Ben was busy putting up some artwork you'd bought when you'd carried in two refreshing glasses of lemonade. Placing the beverages down, you rubbed your side, wincing at the stitch-like pain you'd been suffering all morning. 

"Everything okay?" Ben asked upon noticing your obvious discomfort. 

"Yeah... Just got a stitch or something." You groaned "Joys of carrying life inside of you." 

"You should go see a doctor." Said Ben as he hopped down from the stool he had been using a moment ago and helped you sit "Could be something else." 

"Ben, I'm fine." You grumbled but you didn't stop him from helping you to the seat Frank had ended up purchasing.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't a little concerned that this was something more sinister. The pain had been getting gradually worse over the course of the day. What had started as mild discomfort had started to take on a stabbing-like sensation. 

"Have you called Frank?" Ben asked and you shook your head.

"No." You panted as you tried to breathe through it "He's busy with Mary and I didn't want to worry him." 

"You're pregnant Titch!" Ben exclaimed, "You know he'll drop anything if you need him." 

"I know." You grumbled "But I don't want him to - AH - I don't want him to think I'm - Ahhh Ben it really hurts." 

"Right!" He piped up as he helped you to your feet "We're going to the hospital and I am going to call Fish on the way." 

...

Frankie watched as Mary puttered around the kitchen. He loved to watch her cook. It was something she was passionate about and the fact that she was excellent at it made it easy for him to let her spoil him. 

Lately, however, he felt his retched heart failure getting the better of him. He felt weak all the time. Very little energy to do anything more than sit on the couch with her each night. She didn't seem to mind the fact that he didn't feel up to sex all that much anymore. 

Despite Mary telling him he wasn't. He knew he'd put on weight. His soft stomach looked rounder. He'd put it down to how well she fed him. She was careful to make foods she knew wouldn't affect his condition. Something that he deeply appreciated. But boy did he miss steak. 

His phone ringing pulled him out of his thoughts and glancing down at it, Ben's face flashed on its screen. 

"Who is it, babe?" Mary asked as she looked up and smiled at him sweetly. 

"Just Ben." He replied, pushing himself to his feet. 

"You should answer it." She said softly "Could be important." 

"It's Ben." Frankie chuckled "Likely wants to boast about the latest bird he's pulled." 

"You sure?" 

"You told me you wanted me to be more focused on us when we're together." Frank replied as he cupped her cheek "I promised you I'd do that... Ben can wait." He finished as he put his phone on silent. 

...

"Goddamit Fish." Ben growled as his third attempt to reach the pilot went unanswered. 

"He's probably busy." You sighed as you gripped Ben's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

"Yeah well, he's about to become a father." Ben snapped "He shouldn't be ignoring his fucking phone." 

"Ben, you need to calm down." 

"Calm down?" He panted "You're suffering from stomach pain and your 7 months pregnant!" 

"Ben-"

"What if something's seriously wrong?" He shrieked "What if you-" 

"Don't finish that sentence." You warned and he sighed "I'm sure it's just because I've been overdoing it." 

"Titch..." Ben trailed off and you gave his hand another gentle squeeze. 

"We'll be fine

...

Frankie was pounding on your door. After dinner, he'd snuck a look at his phone and had seen the multitude of missed calls and texts from Ben. He didn't wait to be invited in when The younger Miller brother opened the door. 

"Where is she?" He asked as he pushed past his friend, eyes scanning your lounge. 

"She's in bed." Ben grumbled "Nice of you to show." 

"Ben!" Frankie warned but the younger Miller was having none of it.

"No, you don't get to talk to me like that Fish." He growled "She could have lost the baby whilst you were busy fucking Mary." 

"I wasn't-" 

"Doesn't matter what the fuck you were doing." Ben snapped "You can't go ignoring your phone when you're two months away from becoming a father. 

"I want to see her." 

"She's sleeping." 

"Please." Frank pleaded "I fucked up okay! I should have answered." 

"You're right." Benny growled but his features softened when he saw how wrecked the pilot then looked "She and the baby are gonna be fine. Just need to take it easy." 

Frankie nodded before allowing Ben to lead him to your room. You looked comfortable where you lay. Hand resting on your prominent bump as you smiled up at Ben as he appeared through the door. Your expression changed when Frank followed behind him. 

"Look who I tracked down." He chuckled as he stood aside so Frankie could make his way to your side "I'll leave you two to it." 

"Titch I'm-"

"It's fine Frankie." You interrupted "I know you were busy with Mary." 

"It's not okay." The man sobbed as he rested his hand on your belly "If something had happened to you both I'd never have forgiven myself." 

"Nothing did happen." You sighed as you gave him a weak smile. 

"Titch... You've got Pre-eclampsia." Your eyes dropped at the mention of the condition "From now on. You and the baby are my priority!" he stated matter of factly "I haven't been here for you and I should have been." 

"Frankie..."

"Don't argue with me Titch." He sighed "Please. I need to do this." 

You could only nod. Giving him a weak smile as you let your exhaustion take hold. 

You took things easy as the doctor had instructed. Ben and Frank wouldn't allow you to lift a finger. The two men waiting on you hand and foot as your pregnancy moved into its final month. You appreciated the help too. 

You struggled to get around most days. Your ankles were swollen and your back ached. You were miserable. But the boys made sure you were well taken care of. 

Things in Frank's personal life however had become strained. He was desperately trying to juggle his time between you and Mary. She had been understanding of your situation. Always making sure that he was fed and well-rested when he came home to her. The situation was taking its toll on him. His health took an obvious nosedive as the weeks went by. Mary found herself wrestling with her understanding that you were about to become parents and her concern for how your condition was affecting him. Yet she kept her mouth shut for Frankie's sake. 

"How are you feeling?" Ben asked as he passed Frankie the wrench the man required. 

"Been better but comes with the territory when you got heart failure." Frankie chortled.

"I meant about the baby." Ben said as his brows drew together "Only a few weeks to go and all." 

"Oh, right." Frankie replied, not lifting his head from under the bonnet of Ben's truck "Yeah, excited." He then stated as he stood to face the younger man "Can't believe I'm gonna have a daughter." He chuckled. 

"Everything okay?" Ben asked, his concern obvious "You been feeling okay?" 

"Just tired." Frankie said as he shrugged his shoulders "Meds might need tweakin'." 

Ben nodded, smiling when Frankie handed him the wrench back and asked for a different tool. The bonnet slamming shut made Benny jump and turn on his heels to see his friend sprawled on the ground. 

"Fish?" Benny called out as he dropped to his knees, frantically searching for a pulse "FISH?" He all but yelled when he found none. 

"HELP!" He yelled as he started compressions "MARY!" 

His calls were answered by a sob as Mary sprinted outside to see the blonde working on her lover. 

"What happened?" She sobbed and Ben just shook his head. 

"Call an ambulance!" He ordered and she nodded, wasting no time pulling out her cell phone and dialling for help. 

She was then at Frankie's side, holding his hand as she pleaded for him to come back to her. 

"Please don't do this to me, baby." She all but screamed as her fat tears streamed down her cheeks "Frankie... please!" 

The sound of sirens filled the air and in the blink of an eye, she and Ben were being pulled to one side as the EMTs took over. 

"No pulse." One stated as another strapped a mask over the pilot's mouth. 

Then his shirt was being cut away and two paddles were placed on his chest. The medics then shocking him until finally, his heart beat again. 

...

You rushed through the halls as your eyes frantically searched each sign for your destination. Then, just as you started to think you’d been sent the wrong way, you saw the dreaded words you were looking for. 

Cardiac Care Unit - CCU

When you’d receive the call from Ben to say Frank was here you’d almost fainted. His statement still echoed in your head as you rushed through the doors, eyes scanning for anyone that looked familiar. 

“Fish’s had a cardiac event.” 

What did that even mean? Had he had a heart attack? 

Was his condition getting worse? 

Finally, your eyes landed on Benny and you choked on a sob as you sprinted to him, hands cradling your small bump. 

“How is he?”

“Stable.” Ben replied, eyes brimming with unshed tears “His heart just fucking stopped.” Ben choked "One minute we were checking on something with my truck and the next he was on the ground..." 

"Benny..." You trailed off as you held him.

"He said he'd been feeling a little off lately but I didn't think-" 

"This is not your fault Ben." You stopped him in his tracks "Frank's heart's not been good for a while. But he's going to get the best care and he's going to be fine." 

Ben nodded. Knocking a few of those tears in his eyes loose before pulling you close again, gasping when he felt a kick against his stomach. 

"Did she?-"

"She's obviously saying hello to her uncle Ben." You chuckled as you smiled up at him. 

"Hey, lil' Titch." He said sweetly as he placed his hand over your bump, grinning when he was greeted by another kick. 

“What’s she doing here?” Piped up a new voice and your eyes drifted to Mary who was standing, glowering at you. 

“She is his friend.” You growled at her, feeling your blood boil at her eye roll. 

“She’s also carrying his child.” Ben growled out “She deserves to be here.” 

“If she's such a good friend, she would've noticed how sick he's been lately." Mary growled and your stomach dropped. 

"He has?" You all be whispered, eyes drifting to Ben whose head hung low "Why didn't anyone tell me?" 

"It shouldn't be everyone else's responsibility to tell you when someone's health is shit." She growled and Ben had had enough.

"Back off Mary." He growled out, his eyes dark as he glared at her "She's had her own shit going on and you know that."

She all but scoffed. 

"He wouldn't be here if she noticed he was struggling." She snapped and you sobbed, clutching your bump as your eyes flitted between you her and Ben. 

She was right. You hadn't noticed that Frankie's health had been declining and you hated yourself for that. You'd been so caught up in your own situation to see that Frankie, the father of the life inside of you, was suffering himself. 

"I'm so sorry." You choked as you looked at Mary with a wrecked expression. 

"Yeah well, you can tell that to him." She growls "If he lives." 

Next

Fic updates: @albertasunrise-ficsblog

Tags: @hayley-the-comet @ajeff855 @mavericksicybabe @supernaturalgirl20 @dihra-vesa @nicolethered @practicalghost @theanothersherlockian @gallowsjoker @little-mrs-morales @sunnshineeexoxo @aliwritesfic @maryfanson @sherala007 @ayrusss @greeneyedblondie44 @elegantduckturtle @jediknight122 @goodgriefitsawildworld @voteforpedro09 @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @mishasminion360 @giggly-otter @athalien @mssbridgerton @huitzilinthebudgie3 @samanthacookieone @salome-c @radcollectivesoul @pedrohoe04 @paintlavillered @ktmadden86 @hotchlover @kirsteng42 @djjarins @balekanemohafe @misscampacyn

[threecirclingbuzzards]

Three's Patch Clothing Masterpost!

Inspired by @genderfluid-and-confuzled 's own masterpost of his jackets, this is all three of my projects I have been actively adding to over the past year and a half!

The jacket that started it all for me, DisA. I started work on DisA all the way back in January 2022 [See my one year post for progress photos.] and she's been my main jacket for a lot of that time. If it's cold enough to wear a denim jacket, I'll be wearing DisA a lot of that time. Very full of pins and patches from that year of collecting, including a bunch of pins I found on the ground or was gifted.

I recently reorganized all the pins, so it may not perfectly line up with past photos, but this is photos I took following that so it's quite accurate at this moment.

My favourite piece is probably my handpainted art of Enne's House from VOIDWORLD, a comic by fellow tumblr users @wizard0rb and @musicsmithy . Appreciate you guys!

With my jacket covered, I have to go on to my Pink vest! I recently did the back's artwork in preparation for the pride parade this year, and I posted these pics here already as a precursor to this masterpost because I'm finally happy with it, however most patches were added a while ago. The vest is really nice for this summer, because it's really damn hot out lately.

The back of the vest has patch from the now closed shop run by Lauren of Stick and Poke, a fantastic Canadian Folk Punk band. That patch is probably the most treasured part of this vest to me, but it also has the pin set for Chloe and Max from life is strange on the pockets. Really had to take good care of those so they don't get too worn or damaged because they stopped selling those as well.

Finally, my pants! they got ripped, so I decided to put patches on them. These are still quite blank because I haven't found much I want to put on them, but I encourage any friend who's physically around me when I have them to draw or write on them, because I have done that a bit and want more people to do that too.

Most notable thing about these is that the big tan patch on the front is an extra pocket as well.

Those are my three patch projects! I love them all very much as you can probably tell. I also have a history of working on other people's jackets and such, it's somewhat my thing, but I don't have super great photos of some of that. @tacocat7997 's jacket was a lot of my handiwork, so if he takes photos and adds them in a reblog, I'll reblog the addition. Also worked on another friend's very recently, but it's still a work in progress, and I'm handing it back to them soon.

Also, because it was only to mend it, I left out my leather trenchcoat. I added a crow patch to that shoulder after it was ripped open against a brick wall because of some Nazi assholes chasing me. Fucking high school. Adios you wretched place.

[hiimgin]

Hey!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

How are you? How was your year? I hope all is well or getting better.

I'd like to tag the people who are especially important to me. Those who have become incredibly important to me in such a short period of time. Those who continue to make me happy.

@almost-an-artist . Lily, my beautiful Lily! I am very glad that we have started communicating with you. It seems like we've been in touch for no more than three months.... But I feel like we've been talking forever. And, oh... Your work continues to shock me to the core. Did I mention that I'm genuinely in love with your artwork?

@whyoneartheven. Oh, Evie! You were literally my third followers and, damn. You're so wonderful. You're a pleasure to hang out with, even though we don't do it too often. You're really cool, and your artwork..... I truly love your style. I hope you're doing well

@kiwi-der-vogel . You know how much I love your work. It's just beautiful. Beautiful in every way. And you yourself... Kiwi, you're wonderful. Yes, we've barely spoken, but I'm truly glad to have you. Thank you

@prince-of-red-lions . Oh, great Windy! You don't know how impressed I am with you. You're very sweet. And you're a pleasure to talk to. I'm really glad I got to know you. And, oh, my goddesses. Windy, I love your art!

@akchimp75 . You're precious. I'm sorry we're not communicating right now. I really hope we can fix this. I really, truly consider you my friend and I want to apologize to you for being very passive lately.

@undertheopensky. A wonderful person. I don't know what else to say. You're beautiful. I'm really glad we're in touch, even if not as often.

@turdofanerd. I'm sorry, I can't say much. You are awesome! Your style is very cool and your support is very, very strong. Thanks for everything!

@blakesoul16. My darling, you're adorable. And so is your art. Please keep it up! I really like your art a lot

@gia-d. This is when I want to apologize. I remember what you said about being able to text you anytime, but, uh. I'm just embarrassed to do it. And I want to apologize for that.

You're amazing. Very nice to talk to, and... I truly love your art.

@raven8224. Ooh, I couldn't forget you. Do you know how cool you are? You're so cool! Just-- Wow.

@la-sera. Honestly, I've been thinking about this for a long time. But... I'm truly glad I found out about you. I am truly grateful to the Goddesses that you exist. Your artwork is magical. You are an incredible person yourself! Thank you. For everything.

You have all become incredibly important rays of light in my life. I didn't think, coming into July, that I would have even one friend..... Thank you all!

I apologize that the post came out a bit rambling..... It was a little difficult to put my thoughts and words together

But remember, I love everyone. Absolutely everyone. You are all beautiful and hold a special place in my heart. I love you all so much.

Peace, everyone!

Bye.

[invisibleraven]

"You look lost." for the Rarepair of your choice.

Kayla swore as she rushed towards the school, knowing she was late, hoping against hope that Shania wasn't too worried. Luke's flight had been cancelled, Reggie was stuck at a shoot, and that left Kayla to pick up her goddaughter.

Of course she was coming off shooting a music video for Dirty Candi and she was still in her Lilac Candi gear, huffing and puffing in the halls of an elementary school.

Curse her for going so hard on the choreo for this video!

She stopped to catch her breath, bracing her hands against her knees, hating that this school was so confusing with twisting and turning corridors.

"Can I help you?" a melodic voice sounded from behind her. "You look lost."

Kayla straightened up, and turned around to see a truly gorgeous woman standing there, looking Kayla up and down. Probably wondering why this out of breath crazily dressed woman was in her school.

"I'm here to collect Shania Peterson?" she stated. "I'm Kayla Keone, her godmother? Her dad should have called to let you know I was coming."

The woman's face softened. "Oh yes, Reggie told us to expect you, but did ask me to provide the password?"

Kayla scowled, rolling her eyes. "Han shot first."

The woman giggled, hiding her smile behind her hand. "That would be it. Shania is waiting in the office, I'll bring you. I'm Julie, her music teacher by the way."

"So it's you I have to thank for the numerous recorder concerts?" Kayla asked with a grin.

"Guilty as charged," Julie admitted, leading her through the halls. "The school thought it was the best, cheapest option for the kids to learn to read music and play from them. Of course, given who her dads are, I doubt Shi needs much help there."

"Definitely not," Kayla replied with a chortle. "I swear she sung her first words instead of speaking them."

"So can I ask about the get-up?" Julie asked as they walked past displays of artwork, photos of happy kids, and dioramas that made Kayla long to go back to school if she could go to a place like this.

"Oh, I was shooting a music video?" she replied. "I'm in Dirty Candi, and I didn't have time to change."

"Oh, I think I've heard your music on the radio!" Julie exclaimed. "It's not really my thing, but it's still pretty good."

Kayla nodded, she got that-before meeting Carrie she never thought that electronic pop would be her thing either. But it let her do what she loved-perform, but Carrie also let her design all the choreography, and their last album paid her tuition so she could get a degree in it.

"More of a Sunset Curve fan then?" Kayla asked.

"Oh definitely!" Julie grinned. "It doesn't hurt that I've been friends with Willie since diapers, and helped write a few songs here and there for them."

"You're that Julie!" Kayla almost shrieked. "Wils talks about you all the time, he keeps meaning to get us to meet and it's just never worked out."

"I have an inkling he wants to play matchmaker," Julie whispered. "I can't say I'm opposed to the idea now that we have met."

"Me either," Kayla replied with a blush. She was about to hand Julie her card when a cry from down the hall interrupted her.

"AUNTIE KAY!"

A small blur of dark hair and freckles launched at her, nearly knocking Kayla off her feet. Kayla let out a small grunt before spinning the girl around. "Shi Shi! How's my favourite girl?"

"Better now that you're here," Shania replied, smiling her father's crooked grin up at her. "Can we get ice cream?"

"Of course we can superstar," Kayla assured her. "You got everything?"

Shania's eyes grew wide, and took off back to the office they were standing before, presumably to get her bag.

Kayla chuckled, then turned to Julie. "Kids."

"You have any?" Julie asked.

Kayla bit her lip-technically Shania was hers. She had donated the eggs to Reggie and Luke so they could have a kid. Even offered to carry her, but they had gotten a surrogate instead. They had all agreed to tell Shania when she was a little older, and started asking about her egg donor. So Kayla couldn't really tell Julie about it before Shania knew-even if she was sure Alex and Willie also knew the truth.

Instead she shook her head. "Nope. You?"

Julie laughed. "Every single one in this school is mine-I'm good not having any to go home to."

"Fair enough," Kayla replied, then dug her card out of her purse, handing it to Julie. "If you ever wanna get coffee, see if WIllie's matchmaker tendencies are correct, gimme a call."

Julie blushed, tucking the card into pocket. "I definitely will."

"I'm ready now Auntie Kay!" Shania shouted, coming out of the office, holding her bag in one hand and the strap of her guitar case in the other.

"Well then let's go, that ice cream ain't gonna eat itself!" With that, Kayla shouldered the guitar, smiling at Julie before walking down the hall, loving how the woman blushed, even as Shania called a farewell to her.

"Miss Julie is nice, did she help you find me?" Shania asked.

"She did indeed," Kayla hummed. "Now... how do we get out?"

[lynnslittlelife]

Hi! Im really enjoying all of your works so far!💗 I was wondering if you could write something sweet for Diavolo with a little reader? Thank you so much! If not that’s totally okay too.💗

I'm happy you're liking my stories!!! I love writing these little space stories, so I'm really happy other people are liking them too! Dia is actually so sweet...underrated demon for sure.

Thank you for requesting <3 enjoy!!!

Word Count: 1,137

It was date night…well as close to date night as was possible of you and the King of the Devildom. You could feel yourself slipping a bit, but tried pushing it off for a while since you didn’t always get much time with your boyfriend. Sure, Lucifer and Barbados were there and they were well aware of your little space, but a meeting was going on. Now was not the time to be little! 

You weren’t able to pay attention anymore, and played with your food with the fork in your hand. The colors of the food were so silly! The greens and browns making a funny color and the cream of the others…maybe now was the time for an art project. You were so focused on making a little drawing with your food you didn’t hear everyone stop talking to look and see what you were doing. Lucifer looked like he knew it was time to go, and nodded once Diavolo waved him away. 

Lucifer stopped by you and patted your shoulder a couple times, and that got your attention. You looked up and saw Barbados trying to hide his laughter, and Dia was looking at you as if you were his whole world. It made you smile back, but then your small bit of big-brain was rearing its head. “I’m sorry daDIA!” You tried to catch yourself but it was too late. Instead it made a funny word, which made you and the two demons laugh. Even Barbados was laughing, which he didn’t do often. 

“I’ll be taking my leave, then, young master. We can discuss the meeting in the morning.” He waved at you and left, leaving you and Diavolo alone in the dining room. His head rested in his hand as he idly swung his fork in his hand, not caring much about the food anymore. You always were his main priority, but Barbados usually made him focus and discuss his duties as the king. 

“I sorry…I didn’t mean to…” You couldn’t think of the word, and started to feel bad for putting a halt to their meeting. You looked down at your masterpiece of food, and avoided eye contact with him. But it wouldn’t work for long, he always had a way to draw you to his eyes. Just as he did now. 

As silent as could be, he strolled over to look over your shoulder at your artwork. “It’s beautiful! It’s…a cat? And a house?” He tilted his head and looked deep in thought, trying to figure it out. That look always made you giggle, and you leaned up to pull him down so his head was on your shoulder. Even little, you knew your strength was no match for him. But he’d play along every time. 

“Nu uh! It us and the castle!” You pointed, and giggled even harder when he placed random kisses on your shoulder and neck. “Daddy! Stop it! It tickles!” But he did far from stop. Instead he picked you up with ease and cradled you to his side. You tried to get back at him, and place kisses where you could reach. 

“You deserve all the kisses I have to offer ten fold!” He held you out in front of him, and looked serious which only made you giggle more after hearing such an affectionate declaration. “But…I have a request for you.” He leaned forward and booped your nose with his and held it there. “Can you…call me that again?” 

Now you were just confused. “Daddy?” You pouted and said, “I calls you daddy all the time!” If you could cross your arms while he was holding you like this he would. Instead you pouted and waited for him to reply, mirroring his serious gaze to the best of your abilities with that pout still on your face. 

“No, no. Your little mistake. It was cute, I just want to hear it again.” He hummed and looked at you, waiting for you to remember. If you even did. He would sit there and wait for as long as it took, but the slip up was so cute and did still sound like his “name”. Both of them. A name he’d want to hear you say time and time again. 

“Uh…” You thought long and hard before making an “A-HAH!” Sound and smile as wide as you could “DaDia!” You laughed as he spun you around, laughing even louder than you somehow. It was so silly, but oh so cute. Just spinning around until you begin to feel dizzy. 

“That’s it! That’s what you should call me!” He stopped when you looked a little paler. “Oh! Sorry dear!” He sat right on the floor where you had spun just prior. “I got a little excited there!” He sat you in his lap, holding you firmly in his grasp. “Say it…just one more time?” This time he pouted childishly, which was extremely funny in this situation to you, so you laughed of course. “Pleeeeeease?” 

“DaDia! DaDia!” You laughed loudly, and he joined in as well. “I love my DaDia!” You reached for his face and made the smile he already had wider. Your laugh was like music to his ears and he reached for your face right back as you both made each other smile through the laughter. 

After a while, you were feeling tired and let out a big yawn. “Oh? Getting tired from all the fun we’ve been having?” He laid down there, right on the floor and pulled you on top of him. He closed his eyes and you giggled at how silly and fun he could be. “Sleep well, dear.” He faked snoring and you laughed. 

“Nooo! DaDia! Bed! Bed time!” Trying to tell him you wanna sleep in the bed as you laughed. You poked his face as he continued to “snore” and he opened one eye. 

“Oh? Morning already? There’s a lot we have to do today!” He sat up and winked at you, only to continue when you pouted, “I know, I know dear. I wouldn’t dare make you sleep on the floor.” He stood with ease, carrying you in his arms to your bedroom. “I suppose a nap won’t hurt, but not for too long! Don’t want you to stay awake all night before bed!” 

As you laid down, and he followed, he held you close. He was ready for a nap, himself. Even if he didn’t NEED to sleep, he wouldn’t miss cuddling with you for anything. Just as you liked it, he wrapped his wings around you to feel even closer to you. As he tended to do, he whispered a story to you until you fell asleep, and whispered your favorite words to hear from him as sleep overcame you. 

“I love you so much baby.” 

[wonda-fhr]

Here are two short scenes about a normal evening of my favorite mob boss Justin Rosedale. It's time to shed some more light on him.

Different kisses

"Why don't you ever eat with us, Boss?" The blunt question earns Ward some scowls from his comrades, who have learned not to question the boss's quirks, but to accept them.

Justin smiles, as he always does. A smile that doesn't give the slightest hint of his true mood, but still lulls you into a sense of security. But his tone is light and playful, this kind of curiosity doesn't seem to bother him.

"I just want to spare you the lipstick on the cutlery." He always eats alone, eating brings too much movement to the facial muscles. A weak spot for the artificial skin that he has neatly applied to his face, and which has not been noticed by those around him. He is always paying attention to whether people's eyes or thoughts are searching for the flaws in his face. But either his crew doesn't care about his face at all, or his total artwork of hair, skin prosthetics and makeup works so well that they really haven't noticed anything yet.

Amused, Justin swipes an olive from Ward's pizza, winks, places it on his tongue, and lets it slowly disappear behind his blood-red lips. "Don't worry, I know how to put things in my mouth."

The others can't hold back their giggles as Ward blushes slightly. "I told you never to mess with the boss, my friend." Pelayo teases Ward even more, having a great time. Slowly, Justin creeps around the table until he is next to Pelayo, who has been teasing Ward lately for any attention paid to Justin. His fingers dance over Pelayo's shoulders, who puts down his silverware and stiffens, as if he has to brace himself for an attack he can't stop.

"You're telling your friend not to ask me a question that makes him curious? Even though the same question can be read as clearly in your own mind as if you were speaking it? And there are others…" Unexpectedly, Justin presses his lips to Pelayo's, who puts his hands on his own thighs to resist the temptation to touch his boss. Grinning diabolically, Justin straightens up and releases the stunned Mexican from the kissing attack.

"There you go, my dear. Now you can find out for yourself how bad lipstick really is when it comes to washing dishes." The rest of the crew go wild with amusement while Justin, smiling coquettishly, retreats to let his people finish their meal in peace.

He listens in fascination to the thoughts of the others while staring at his phone, seeing nothing, and is startled when it suddenly begins to vibrate in his hand. A short message, like the ones he often receives. 'I'm leaving now,' Chen writes, no invitation, no control, just the information that he's going to the dog park now and complete freedom for Justin to do what he wants with that information.

"Everything okay, boss?" asks the calm voice of Boris, who is on his way to the fridge with two glasses. So often underestimated how attentive he is, Justin thinks, putting the smile back on his face, the absence of which Boris had noticed.

"Everything is fine, don't worry. I'm going to go for a walk. Take the garbage with you, I don't want to be greeted by the smell of pizza tomorrow. Bye, sweethearts." With a perfect smile on his lips, he waves to his crew once more, throws on the pink jacket with the fur collar and disappears outside.

-

Half an hour later he enters the dog park. Normally he would be more inconspicuous in this place, but there was no time to change. The pale light from the few lanterns casts deep black shadows and makes the park seem ghostly. The sounds of the few dogs that are still on the move seem more menacing when you see their happily jumping figures interrupted by the deep blackness. As if they were teleporting from one cone of light to another.

A gray figure emerges from a deep shadow and races toward him. Spoon jumps around, happy to have found his playmate, and snatches at the fur collar that is a tempting toy. The happy dog makes no attempt to leave his side, even though Chen is nowhere to be seen.

Justin gives Spoon his full attention, taking off his jacket and letting him chase the fur. He hates being tested like this, he's just not sure if Chen is testing his ability to find him or the strength of his own control over his mind. After a few minutes of boisterous romping and a dusty jacket with drooled fur, Justin straightens up and his green eyes cut into one of the impenetrable shadows.

"The harder you try to hide, the faster I know where you are. You're thinking the wrong way."

Slowly, the discovered man saunters closer. "Wrong way?"

"Suppressing thoughts frantically shines brighter than if you were just thinking about yellow ducklings."

"I'll remember that." Chen's expression softens, he keeps his hands in his pockets, not trusting them to keep the necessary distance. One kiss and everything has become much more complicated than it already was. "I'm glad you came."

"Let's walk a bit and talk about the dog or something. Come on, Spooni, let's go." Jumping exuberantly, he quickly motivates the dog back to another round of chasing the jacket.

"I was once told by a woman that the Greyhound is a very stately, noble breed of dog. When I see him tearing up your jacket, I see very little nobility in him."

Laughing, Justin interrupts the game and falls in step beside Chen, and they continue their walk through the shadows. "The woman was right, Alexander the Great had a greyhound and King Canute of England once decided that only nobles could keep one, every commoner was punished for it. So you should be thankful every day that you can call such a noble animal your friend."

Chen chuckles softly, unable to take his eyes off the inscrutable colorful creature at his side. " Why do you know such a thing?"

"Why not? Some time ago, I had the wish to have a dog. I read a pretty extensive encyclopedia about dog breeds, and I don't forget what I read." A sad undertone colors Justin's voice, and no standard smile hides his emotions. Here at the dog park, life is a little more real for him. The dogs never fell for his facade, so it became unnecessary.

"What kind of dog did you want?" Chen takes his chance, in this area he can sympathize, maybe create a more stable connection or just find a new facet.

Justin smiles thoughtfully, briefly lost in one of the few fond memories of the past few years. "I kept a neighbor's dog when she was in a car accident and had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. He was the most wonderful animal I have ever known. He was so charming and cheerful that he always managed to make me laugh. His name was Hector and he was a black pug. Such a wonderful companion that so many people just call ugly and don't take a closer look. I felt terrible when she picked him up again."

"I remember how it is." Chen leaves it open, but Justin clearly senses that he knows both statements from experience. "Why didn't you get your own?"

"Because it wouldn't be fair to drag a dog into my messed up life just because I would like to have a friend."

"Says the man who lives a middle class life in hero's retirement, without danger and excitement?" Chen stops and looks at Justin's back, who stops a few steps later.

Justin takes a deep breath and abruptly turns on his heel, energetically closing the distance to Chen until their noses almost touch. He stares icily into Chen's eyes and his voice hisses a cold "Leave it Chen!"

But Chen doesn't back down an inch. "Never," he says calmly, but the "kiss me" of his thoughts rings louder in Justin's head. Chen still has his hands in his pockets. He doesn't reach for him, doesn't say anything, doesn't push, just lets the thought speak for itself and waits to see what happens.

Justin raises his hand to Chen's face, sliding the back of his hand across his cheek before tracing his lips with a blood-red nail. He can feel Chen's tension rising, though he remains calm and completely restrained. "I've kissed so many lips that I thought I knew everything about it. Until you made me feel like I knew nothing. You're going to destroy me, Wei Chen. And there's nothing I can do but knowingly walk into my doom."

Without haste, Justin places his lips on Chen's, deeply imprinting every second in his memory, from the first gentle contact to the devoted play of their tongues. When their eyes meet again, he pulls Chen's hand from his pocket and gently places it on his left cheek. Justin shudders at the touch he has caused himself. Then, without another word, he disappears into the shadows of the night.

The picture always reminds me of him. Hidden in the darkness between his glitz and glamour.

[gucciwins]

where were you?

Word count: 2069

A/N: this is for the lovely anon who requested angst dad harry and well I hope I delivered. please let me know if you liked this!!!! :) I love you

Warnings: angst

______

Inez had been sitting on the steps outside her school long enough that there were no more cars passing by, and Mr. Hemmings was the last teacher waiting outside as she was his final student. 

"Inez, your mother, is never late," Mr. Hemmings stated, clearly worried. 

She shakes her head, "my dad is supposed to come." 

"Well, do you want to wait inside and finish your homework, or you can use the paints I never let you lot use," he offers, clearly seeing she needs a cheer me up.

"That's fine." 

Inez follows Mr. Hemmings back to his classroom. She sits at her desk while Mr. Hemmings brings her material and different colors for her to use. He goes back over to his desk, deciding to leave her be while he gets work done. They sit in silence for a few minutes until Mr. Hemmings begins to play music, Inez pauses, perking up, trying to see if she recognizes the song, but she doesn't. 

"Who sings this, Mr. Hemmings?"

"Kenny Rogers," 

"Hmm…"

"Did you finally not recognize a song, Inez?" 

She nods her head, "you got me."

"You might know islands in the stream," Mr. Hemmings says as he switches the song. 

"That's Dolly!" She jumps up, recognizing the voice. "Isn't this a Bee Gees song?" 

"Nothing gets past you, huh?" 

For the next half hour, while they wait for Harry to show up, the two browse some of Mr. Hemming's favorite songs that are age-appropriate for an eight-year-old. When the clock strikes four, Mr. Hemmings knows it's time to make another call. The office made one when he took her back to the classroom, and then nothing. 

"Give me a sec. Got to call the office." 

Inez deflates knowing her dad did forget about her, but she can't stay here. She hopes they call her mum. 

"Hi Lorraine, can you try calling Inez Styles' parents again, please?" Mr. Hemmings lowers his voice, "no answer."

Inez tugs his sleeve to get his attention. His kind blue eyes look at her in concern, "tell her to call my mum. She always answers."

"Lorraine, try Mrs. Styles. Yes, she gave notice that her husband was picking Inez up today. That's why you haven't called her, I believe. Good day, Lorraine."

It's not even fifteen minutes when Inez hears a click of boots rushing down the hallway and in walks a woman dressed in a two-piece blue suit, black boots completing the look. She looks important yet out of place with all the hand-painted artwork around her.

"Hi, lovebug," she greets out of breath. 

"Mummy," Inez jumps up from the chair and rushes over into her mother's arms.

"I'm sorry," Y/N whispers against her daughter's head. "Let's get you home." 

Inez rushes over to put the paints away and grabs her backpack, only offering her teacher a wave.

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Hemmings. I hate that we made you stay late." 

Mr. Hemmings brushes her off, clearly seeing how sorry she is to him and her daughter. "Don't worry, she's a great kid."

Y/N walks out holding Inez's hand as she tells her all about how she spent time with her teacher learning new music she'd never heard. As they get in the car, Y/N helps Inez even though she knows her little girl is old enough to do it on her own. 

"I'm sorry your dad didn't make it. He got stuck at work." Y/N tells her daughter, although she knows it won't make up for anything. 

"Thank you, mummy." 

"How about we pick up your sister and get some ice cream?" 

"From Vinny's?" 

"Well, of course," Y/N bops her daughter's nose as she gets a loud yes. Y/N lives for her daughter's happiness and hates that she failed today. "Let's go. Ellie awaits."

_______

Y/N's heart dropped when she saw a call from the school, thinking the worst had happened and her daughter was hurt. She quickly excused herself from the meeting she was hosting. 

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Styles, correct." 

"This is her." Y/N answers quickly, hoping she'd get an answer sooner. 

"Your daughter Inez has not been picked up today. Is someone on the way, or are you able to make it here soon?" 

Y/N bit back at her anger at Harry for failing to pick up their daughter like he promised. He knew she had an important meeting she was leading today, and he failed her and Inez. 

"I'm on my way."

"See you soon, Mrs. Styles. Make sure to check in at the office first." 

She hung up the phone and brushed away her tears of frustration. She had to leave the meeting but knew Kai would take over as her second in command, knowing everything just as well as Y/N. After excusing herself once more from her staff more than understanding that her children came first, it's something she encouraged everyone to do at her company, and everyone had. 

After arriving at Inez's school and checking in at the office, she rushed to her daughter's classroom, hating that her daughter was here after hours and not at home eating the snack, she had left for Harry to give her. 

She found her daughter in low spirits, not for lack of trying from her teacher. She was angry at Harry even more for disappointing their daughter when he promised to pick her up. Harry always told her growing up that he'd never break his promises to her, and here they are years later with no promise being upheld. 

The girls got ice cream after picking up Ellie from daycare. She went once a week to help her meet kids her age and practice reading more. At three years old, Ellie was bright and took after her older sister, wanting to do everything she did even if she wasn't tall or old enough. It did not stop her, and Inez always encouraged her as well. 

Ellie was now in her room playing with her dinosaurs, and Inez decided to finish the last bit of her math homework in the kitchen to keep Y/N company. The mother-daughter sat in silence, but it was comfortable and something they both appreciated after a bad day. 

"Does dad still love you?" Inez asked Y/N as she closed her notebook and put it back in her lilac backpack full of patches from different cities she's visited with her parents. 

"Inez, what do you mean? How can you ask that? Of course, he does."

"He doesn't show it. At least not like he used to," she mutters. 

"How do you mean?" 

"Growing up, I thought there was no better love story than yours and dad. There would always be new flowers displayed around the house, notes I'd find meant for you. Home cooked meals where he'd cook, and you did all the tasting." Inez shares lots in the memories, and Y/N realizes that those moments are now rare and few. If someone is doing any acts of service, it's Y/N now by sending him "I love you" texts and cooking dinner for when he comes home.

Small acts here and there that Y/N knows she was thinking of him. While she hasn't seen any for the longest time. The flowers displayed around their home are because she picks them up at the store. Harry always seems to be the first out the bed but no longer makes breakfast for them all, let alone get the coffee going. Y/N hates that their daughter noticed this. 

"Go get your sister, dinner's ready." Y/N kisses her daughter's forehead. 

"I didn't mean to upset you, Mum," Inez whispers. 

Y/N smiles at her daughter, "not upset. Got lots to speak with your father. He owes you an apology." 

Inez doesn't say anything more, only wraps her arms around Y/N for a few seconds before racing up the steps. 

She doesn't know how much longer Harry will be, but the longer he takes to get home, the longer she lets her anger brew. 

______________

Ellie had gone down easy tonight, stating that she had such an exciting day that all her energy was spent. While Inez was no longer sad, Y/N could tell she became mad at her father. He did not come home today when he promised to spend the afternoon with her. 

Inez stayed silent as Y/N read to her, something she asked for tonight when she prefers Y/N to tell a story. 

"I'm sorry you had a bad day, love bug." 

Inez shakes her head, cuddling close, laying her head on Y/N's stomach. "You make everything better."

"I'll always try to do right by you. I love you." 

"Love you too, Mummy. So much." Inez told you to place a kiss on Y/N's stomach as she closed her eyes, ready for sleep to take her. 

Not long after, Y/N went down and headed to the porch leaving the kitchen light on with the hope that Harry would see it and follow it out. 

The night was cold and precisely what she needed because she didn't want the anger to get the better of her when they finally talked. Y/N isn't sure how much time went by while she waited for her husband, but she knew all the waiting she had done had numbed her. 

"You're still up, love?" 

Y/N doesn't turn around as she hears him shut the patio door. 

"Mhm." 

"Girls in bed?" 

"Yes, you know their bedtime," Y/N answers softly.

"Are you okay? Why won't you look at me?" Harry asks, voice full of concern as he sits beside Y/N, their thighs touching. 

Y/N turns her head slowly, letting him look at her tired face. "You alright, love? Bad day?"

She ignores his concern, "where were you?"

"Working you know that."

"Was there something you had to do today, Harry?" 

Harry stares at her for a second confused but decides to answer. "No, I was in the studio with the boys. Mitch even brought the little one," his voice trails off. "Shit." 

Y/N grimaces, knowing it finally clicked. 

"I didn't pick up Inez," his voice was full of disappointment. 

She doesn't believe him. She can't believe she has been so blind to how he's been treating them to how he's been treating her.

"She waited for over an hour. Inez was so excited to spend the day with you." 

"I know, I know, but it slipped my mind." Harry grabs her hand and brings it to his lips, leaving a chaste kiss, "I'll make it up to her. I promise." 

That word is what makes Y/N tear her hand away and stand up. 

"No more promises if all you're going to do is break them. I can't handle you breaking our daughter's hearts." Y/N feels her throat close up.

Harry tries to hide his emotions, but she can see he's hurting. He hates every bit of this conversation. Well, she can hurt him further. He needs to hear the truth. 

"Inez asked if you still loved me?" Repeating those words makes her feel sick. She hates that their daughter thinks that.

"What have you been telling her?" Harry demands, those words breaking his cold demeanor. 

Y/N scoffs. Not surprised he's trying to put the blame on her. "Not a thing. It's the fact she picks up on everything you don't do anymore. The fact that we have to plane when we want to see you. She misses her dad just like I miss my husband."

"Y/N," he's breaking, and she can't be the one to lift him up. 

Not now. Not when she knows he's the root of the problem.

"You wanted this life with me," Y/N gestures to all around them, trying her best to keep her tears at bay. "When did we no longer become enough?"

"You still are." He cries, "you always will be."

She shakes her head, "figure it out, Harry because if you don't, you're going to lose us all."

Y/N walks back into the house, leaving Harry crying in the backyard as he's left to wonder where it all went wrong. 

When did he begin to lose sight of those most important to him, and what would he do to regain their trust?

[nerves-nebula]

Are you ever you ever insecure about your art? And could you explain you answer to that?

Venting to you now

Drawing has taken a lot of effort for me, more than usual recently. I started working on something I originally felt really passionate about. It's more common for me to very quickly give up or get bored so I was really excited to be able to post some artwork. But I ended up not liking the result and I'm not sure if I'm willing to try something else. I've given up on trying in a lot of parts of life to try and save energy to do something I thought I was passionate about (art) but I am still lacking the motivation. The reason I reason I really wanted to share it was because I'm terrible with self-motivation. If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

oh boy, this is gonna be a long one. also, don't take anything i say too seriously, i don't know your situation and I'm barely an adult. anyway, response under the cut

soo lately I'm less insecure about my art and more frustrated when things don't come out well. but i still post that shit !!! I'm still insecure if i'm doing, say, a project for homework, and i don't think i did as well as I could have, but in my personal artistic endeavors it's more about getting it done than it being perfect (for example, my webcomic! my motto is any comic made is better than no comic made and if people don't like that then it wasn't for them in the first place)

the thing about me is that drawing and art and stories is all i've ever had. it's my main form of interacting with the world. these days i make art the same way I live, which is to say in spite of wanting to kill myself. I would LIKE if my art was perfect, and i would LIKE to not be in pain. but i AM in pain and i have to live anyway, and my art ISN'T perfect but i'll make it anyway.

and i like when other people's art isn't perfect either, when it isnt super polished. I think that definitely helped. seeing artists whose work i fell head over heels for when it's never been more than sketches and a bit of shading. it really cemented in my mind that it isn't art being technically perfect that makes it worth while.

i've gotten a lot of people saying kind things to me, saying how much they enjoy my art and my blog in general. and though it doesn't always help, it sometimes inspires me to imagine the number of people who appreciate my stuff who might never mention it to me. I myself am used to lurking and not interacting very much (a habit I'm trying to change since I know artists & creators love feedback most of the time) i know it sucks to not know if anyone gives a shit for sure, but you really can't make that your only reason for doing art, cuz half the time you prolly wont even know if your art deeply affects people or not. it's fine to want that attention but you gotta have something else goin on too, at least I do.

i also know the fear of worrying that you'll lock yourself into something you don't want to do, or something you'll lose passion for. for me, I generally rotate a cast of characters & interests around for years a time before making significant progress. There were spans of times where I'd go years without thinking about loose stitches, but none of that time developing other stories & characters was wasted. it gave loose stitches enough time to properly cook, and the story is still developing under my hands as i draw it, influenced by my other stories and other characters.

it's ok to abandon something and pick it up again years later, or to never pick it up again at all. it's ok to hate the way something turns out but to keep making it anyway because you have to move forward (at least, I do)

moving forward despite not liking the original product is the only way to progress, I think. I don't super like a lot of the first pages of loose stitches but I'm still grateful that past-me posted them because that means present me is at page 76 !!

If I can't make at least one person genuinely go 'oh, neat' even for just a second and even if they soon forgot later, I'd feel like I'd have a reason to keep living (to keep making art). If the only people who'd see it end up disappointed I'd want to disappear.

the problem with this mindset (in my opinion) is that some people aren't going to like your art and that's got nothing to do with the art itself. if you want to find people who go "oh, neat" then you have to keep posting until they see it. trust me, they're out there. like, i don't post for people who can't stand the idea of child abuse, i post to FIND people who want to interact with stories about child abuse the same way i do.

it would be insane to stop trying to find those people because someone else was disappointed or upset by my art. which isn't to say you gotta lock yourself into doing one thing, but that you gotta post what you care about, and people who also care will find it. posting fandom stuff with the same themes as your original art certainly doesn't hurt either, if you REALLY want to find those people faster.

It's not what art should be. I know it's value is like a person's. It's worth more than how someone reacts to it, right? But I can't apply that rule to myself. I should seek support from the people who 'know' and actually care about me, but I don't want their appreciation. I want some imagery status of a 'good artist' because that's what seems to give me dopamine.

art should be literally whatever. it's worth is literally whatever you want, it can be a big deal or not. i'm not sure what part of being a "good artist" gives your brain the Good Feelings juice but I'd investigate that feeling more and try to figure out the roots of it, cuz then you might actually be able to figure out what it is that motivates you. approval is nice, yes, but i like approval for things i enjoyed making even more.

I also wanted to mention how much I admire how open you are with your struggles. I want to be the same but I'm scared of people thinking less of me. I know that's dumb but I don't know what I'm good for if I can't make people happy. If I'm not going to be content with myself I want to not be a nuisance at least. I like to think that if I stopped caring about my impression on people, I'd be better off. But I'm scared that I'd have to learn to like myself. I don't like myself and I have no interest in liking myself. I don't see the point.

i always find it amusing when people refer to my "struggles" if only because I don't really consider them that way. to me it's just like, a thing that happened that sucks. i don't consider myself "struggling" with it, even though I guess that's what's happening. also, let's be real here, it's not like I'm using my real name. this is an anonymous tumblr blog. though, my openess on here has actually lead to me making more art about it IRL so. eh.

anyway, lucky for you, you can stop caring about what other people think without necessarily liking yourself! for me, it's about spite (sort of). I don't like myself much more than I used to, I just decided I hated everyone else more haha. I still care what people think about me, and I'm still scared of what people might do to me, but I'm also not bending over backwards to please people i dislike. I just get annoyed at them instead.

i did this basically just by repeating it until it became true, lol. there's only so many times you can petulantly say "well fuck those guys anyway they suck" before it becomes your true first reaction.

at some point, i decided i needed to pick and choose who i wanted to please, because it can't be everyone. that's just literally not possible. so i looked at the kinds of people i liked and appreciated, and basically disregarded everyone else. it's the whole "don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" thing (not sure where that comes from)

obviously you should probably try to internalize the idea that you even HAVE to be "good for something" but that's way easier said than done. i find it more useful to devote yourself to finding a few things (causes, people, philosophies, niche interests) instead of just general usefulness. because then you can form stronger relationships, be useful, AND not burn yourself out trying to please everyone.

take all this advice with a grain of salt though, I definitely need therapy and this Bitter Angry Defensive persona will probably need to be deconstructed soon... idk. i think it's outlived its usefulness to me but i'm not sure what to do next hahah.

sorry if none of this was helpful or the point. im not even sure why i wrote this much, i kind of just ramble sometimes. i hope you figure it out!

[purplewitch156]

I'm very curious about the Demon Cat Lord Tom and Vampire Rock Band! Can you tell us more?

It’s thanks to Deimos that Demon Cat Lord Tom is gonna be a thing. Because Harry spends a portion of time trapped in the body of a cat in Deimos, naturally conversations have arisen about what would Tom be like as a cat. And the answer to that is awful. He would be awful. The worst cat in the world. He would destroy furniture. He’d spray artwork. He’d never eat the same thing twice. He’d bite and claw without provocation.

This is what I’m thinking:

Harry moves into an old house that is a STEAL. It’s such a steal that he can’t refuse. It’s practically free. And he should be suspicious but he needs a place to stay so he takes it. The only thing that he’s told is that the ‘cat comes with the house.’ He’s all, okay. Cool. I’m good with animals. I can look after a cat. But this cat is hell, which Harry soon discovers, but he still tries valiantly to befriend it.

One day, a group of intruders break into the house, tie Harry up, and start digging in the basement. They’re looking for the ritual site (or something like that) so they can summon their demon Dark Lord. (I’m on a kick with demon summoning lately.) While this is happening, Harry’s going to come to the unnerving realization that his highly temperamental cat is this Dark Lord, though the intruders don’t seem to be aware of this.

This story feels pretty silly to me. It’ll probably be a crack treated seriously kind of thing. I imagine that Harry’s dating life will go severely downhill once he moves in. He’ll be trying to get it on in the bedroom and all of a sudden, the cat strolls in and promptly starts coughing up a hairball.

>>> 

I have a thread here that goes into a lot about Vampire Rock Band Harry, but I haven’t really talked about Tom.

He’s (surprise surprise!) trying to summon a demon. (This is really starting to get out of hand.) I imagine he wants this demon to grant him immortality. That kind of thing. And the demon is perfectly happy to do so once Tom gives him the soul of the individual he loves most. And that person just happens to be Harry.  

This puts Tom in a serious pickle. He really wants immortality but he also doesn’t want to kill Harry. He nearly goes through with it, but backs out at the last second, which Harry is grateful for. I like to imagine that what follows is a massively chaotic fight with the rest of the cult members or maybe the demon’s minions (not sure yet) attacking them because Tom didn’t go through with the deal. Harry’s boombox gets jostled and Elton John's Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting clicks on.

Harry and Tom are going to have a strained relationship up to this point. They will be childhood friends who experience a rift, but they end up living together as adults. They both have unresolved feelings for each other, mutual pining, and just being dumb. Because Harry will be a vampire, once he discovers how Tom really feels about him, he’ll point out rather cheekily that he could always bite him if he wants to live forever,

[bubblesthemonsterartist]

What is Bubbles obsessing over now???

You may be asking yourselves: Wow, Bubbles sure seems intense about the Malevolent Spirits: Mononogatri thing. And you'd be right! I haven't felt this feral over a series in at least two months, and that's because it's lighting up all the happy centers of my brain that bb-Bubbles wanted but didn't know she wanted when she was but a wee-teenager.

Also. If it's just going to be me and three other people in the tag, then I'm going to make this an US Problem ✨

OKAY

SO

Cool thing about this series is that we start off with this story thinking it is very much about him.

AND IT IS, but as the story progresses the narrative expands and it becomes very much about HER

Stick with me.

And you get this feeling that it's going to be a very late 90s/early aughts spirit world battle shonen vibe with a sprinkle of Hellsing-esk artwork as appropriate which is COOL, but then it goes and just (blessedly) glosses over the shonen training montage... thing

(that's it that's the montage)

And the battle scenes are an episode or less, but no less compelling.

(complimentary eye candy included)

But what I am really digging right now is what just happened in the latest episode, and I'm going to drop the spoilers below the cut because I decided to be nice

Most recent episode comes on the heels of some significant emotional character and plot development, but I think what is the most fascinating is how once Botan is taken in episode 15, instead of following the typical shonen focus on the heroes race against the clock to save fair maiden-

The point of view is instead framed from within the breathless terror and hopelessness of abduction.

Everybody always goes to save the Princess locked in the Tower, but how often is the Tower the place the viewer resides? How often is the heroism of the captive(s) shown as so selfless and foolish and brave? How often do we get to see them break at the realization that their friends are going to die horrifically? Right in front of them? Because they're her friends?

How often do we feel them abandon all hope?

And then. Right then. The disbelief that... somebody - anybody - came.

That's the good shit right there. *chefs kiss*

[lindariellanthir]

Hey! Just wanted to say 'thank you' for all your wonderful tags and comments on my (ancient) art posts - they really meant the world to me. I have been travelling continuously for the past year and only just got back home, s those little fragments of 'normality' like Tumblr reblogs were really important to me as my connection to home. I'm glad you enjoy my art. I would like to get back to drawing again - I still have a good number of unpublished or unfinished artwork, but my life over the last few years just hasn't had the space to accomodate drawing, especially as each piece used to take me literally weeks and months. Frankly, I'm not sure how I was ever finding that much time in the first place! BUT! I think I have changed in the last year, I think my life and its priorities have changed, the fandom has definitely changed, and I need to spend some time working out what that means for the format in which I indulge my love for FiKi (which has never ended or even diminished in any way). I know writing is easier for me to fit in between my other commitments these days than drawing, but I also know that I can do anything I want, if I'm determined enough. So stay tuned, I guess. Anyway, it's lovely to see a new face around and to get some content consumer feedback! I hope you'll enjoy our little corner of this crazy website known as Tumblr!

Uhhhh... Hi!!

Sorry for the late answer lol 😅 Anyways you're welcome you're welcome!

And WOW a whole year of traveling? That sounds so exciting, I'm happy for you! Hope you enjoyed your travels and had plenty of time to rest and settle back in afterwards~

It's very nice to have you back 🤍 (or well we didn't know each other before so maybe I should say 'nice to meet you'?) ... In any case I'm really excited for any future fics / photosets / etc. that you're gonna create! And if you ever find the time for drawing again that'd be absolutely wonderful too, but ofc no pressure if it doesn't fit your schedule!

Also thank you for the welcome; that's very kind. After a year of just lurking around I've been more active in the fandom for like 3 months now, and so far I really love it here!

[not-a-big-slay]

Until it doesn't hurt

kaz brekker x reader

summary: betrayel leaves some wounds behind, but even more questions when you can't figured out from whom it really came from.

warnings: none

type: fluff

A/N:this fic is based on the plot of the SOC duology and it takes place after Crooked Kingdom, so there will be spoilers. Also this will be a multiple part fanfic, so if you wanna get updated say so in the comments :)). This part is kinda short but the chapter will be longer.

next part: part 1

masterlist

prologue

,,Do you believe in faith?"

A difficult question to answer. Even some of the smartest minds haven't decided on their response to that . And yet, here he was, asking it while playing with her blonde strand of hair while she was drawing on a paper. They were seated on the wooden floor of her room, seeing thanks to a few candles around them. It was late, the boy had to leave soon.

She stopped drawing to think about her answer. Then turned to him:

,,Yes, I do."

A sweet smile has painted on her face and he mirrored he action. She pinned her attention on the drawing again. He looked at it, too. ,,Is that us?" he asked, moving next to her. Their eyes recognized six figures with smiling faces and height differences with sticks instead of hands and legs. The girl knew she wasn't very good in art, but she adored the boy's look on his face, when he found himself there. She nodded: ,,Hmmh. This is mom and dad," she pointed on the paper, ,,this if Filip, Jordie and me with you."

He giggled at the sight of his brother. Even though the hands or legs weren't accurate, his squared body shape was. They first visited the coffeehouse when Jordie was looking for job. She first saw his brother when they were invited to dine with her family. She heard about him, however, way before that. Their meeting was awkward. She was shy and ran away as soon as he reached out his hand to introduce himself. The girl hid in a closet in her room. She didn't like daddy's friends. They were cruel and made fun of her. This is the girl you got? they would say and laugh. A whore would be more convincing!

She didn't know what it meant, but it sure didn't sound nice. She hid there for quite some time before she heard a knock. The door of the closet slowly opened and the boy peaked in. She drew her knees closer to her chest as he opened the rest. They held eye contact for a minute before he smiled softly and reached his hand carefully one more time. I'm Kaz. The girl hesitated, but she took his hand into hers and shook it. Saskia she said, quickly letting go of the grasp. Despite this action, he still seemed happy and asked if he could sit with her.

That felt like ages ago for both of them. Kaz took the drawing into his hands, holding it like the most valuable diamond in the world. ,,It's amazing!" he exclaimed. His eyes were still studying the artwork, while hers were studying the details of his face.

,,It's for you."

His head snapped at her, wearing a surprised face. ,,Really? "he asked and she nodded.It wasn't meant for him, but she would give him the stars if he'd ask for it. Unfortunetly, that wouldn't be possible, so he had to settle for this. He threw his body at her, hugging her tightly. She immediately wrapped her hands around his neck and smiled. She loved making him happy.

,,I want to give you this."he said as he pulled away. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black string, then motioned her to give him her wrist. She did what he wanted and he wrapped the string around her wrist, securing it with a tight knot, so it wouldn't untie easily. She drew her hand back to look at it. A smooth fabric, probably ripped off of clothes, nothing special on the outside. But he thought of her when he saw it. He thought of her and her red ribbon that was gifted to him a while back. And that made this string far more special than any diamond braclet her mother had.

,,I love it!" Saskia whispered, but it was loud enough for him to hear. He smiled and she gladly returned his gesture. A knock on the door was all it took to break the eye contact.

In the doorway stood Margit and behind her was Jordie, peaking into the room. His eyes found Kaz and he smiled, confirming Saskia's greatest fear. They were leaving.

The boy sadly smiled and stood up. She followed his action quickly, making the floorboards creak. They hugged one more time. ,,Alright now, you know you'll see each other tommorow." Margit laughed.

,,Thank you for this." he ignored the woman and held up her artwork. ,,I'll never take it off." Saskia brought her hand up to show the braclet They will have to cut it from my dead body she finished the sentence in her head. Jordie called out, saying it's really time to go. Kaz smiled one last time and then went to his brother. They waved her and Margit a goodbye.

,,Until next time!" they said, walking to the door.

,,Until next time!" the woman called out.

Until next time she whispered, not knowing next time wasn't meant for tommorow.

[tspud-whiteboard]

Update 2023-06-27

Hello world! Thanks again to everyone who's submitting, filling those boards with LIFE! You're all doing fine, no worries! By the way, even if the format you submit isn't quite the 300x400px space your artwork will inhabit eventually, I can generally resize and bend things into shape just fine! I'll only come back at'cha if I really, really, REALLY can't figure out a way to fit everything without cutting off important bits, after all, I DO want your submission to look the best it can be! Submission Deadline - End of June - almost here, by the way! Starting July the 1st, I will begin to put together those final files. This will, however, take a week or so, so if you can't quite make it and your submissions are a few days late (I've also heard there's some strange concept called "finals" going on for a certain percentage of population)... DO NOT FRET. I'd rather you take your time, do the important stuff first and then send in a picture or two or four that you really are happy with. Hey, I'm an artist, too. I'm well aware that the true definition of "deadline" is "a few days past the deadline". However, please consider this: As I wait for the rest of the submissions from the void beyond time, I will not sleep. I will not rest. I will not have my daily cup of coffee. I will SUFFER. Sure, nothing's stopping me from sleeping or drinking coffee, but I'm doing this to make a statement. Do not make me suffer for too long, I get cranky. Well, seriously now, as long as the "Submit" link is there and open, we're probably good. And like I said, finishing up those files will take a week or so anyway, and until then I can continue to collect and stick submissions in with the others just the same. After that? I will change my Pinned Post and enter Hibernation Mode! But who knows, once in a while I do have to get up and do what nature commands me to (even a Blog's gotta do what a Blog's gotta do), maybe I'll check back to see if more people found this place by then and are now filled with regret that they didn't get to take part. That would be horrible. Heart-breaking! Man, I don't know if I could live with myself, all those lost souls in search for a spot on the legendary Whiteboards... *sigh*... I still need to think about this. Might do seasonal re-openings, if it turns out more people would like to join later. Especially for that Wildboard? - Oh yes, that's my codename for the board that could potentially contain any OTHER character or item or place from The Stanley Parable. - That idea did come a bit rushed, I will admit. Hang on, hang on, I probably lost you all by now. TLDR; DEADLINE END OF JUNE, very soon. If you submit a few days late, THAT'S OKAY. Finishing up those final files will take a week or so on my end, anyway. After that? We'll see. Dang. This IS a pretty amazing project, after all!