#warning for me being sad about stuff in the tags so like if you dont want me bringing you down please feel free to continue scrolling

[adventuringblind]

Entitled To You (3.6K words)

Norstaptri x Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: An incident with Lance sends the boys into a frenzy. She just wants to do what she loves.

Warnings: Explicit depictions of r@pe, injury descriptions, panic attacks, Oscar plots a murder, Lando throws hands, Car crashes, Author doesn't know legal stuff, Head trauma and blood.

Notes: This one is a request from @Lily234566 I know this wasn't the original pairing but I was struggling to fit the Ferrari boys in there so I had to scale it back... I'm sorry and I hope you still like it! T_T

Side Note: Sorry to the Lance girlies reading this. AND obligatory message of I don't know these people and this is purely FICTION! HEAD THE TAGS! DONT LIKE THEN DONT READ!

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

“Max!” She peeks her head into his driver's room. The bright beaming smile she receives in return after their 1-2 nearly kills her. “They want me for a media thing, apparently.” HIs smile drops into a pout. The sad puppy eyes might convince her to stay. 

“Again? Don’t they know we have plans!

“No, and why would they care anyway?” She looks him up and down and whines because he’s standing in front of her with no shirt on. “Just - I’ll meet you guys back at the room. It’s something to do with being a female in F1… again.”

“I’m starting to think they have nothing else to talk about.” 

She shrugs as she walks out of the hospitality, waving to Christian on her way by. The goal is to get past the Mclaren garage without seeing Lando because otherwise she is not going to the interview. His pout is worse (better?) than Max’s. 

To her pleasant surprise, Laura is the one conducting the interview. “I’m sorry about this being last minute! They said they wanted you to do it with someone else next week and I offered to do it now.” 

The interview passes with ease and thankfully doesn’t take long at all. The banter in-between is also entertaining. 

She’s exhausted when they finish. Ready to go back to the hotel and fall into bed with her boys. Hopefully They’ve ordered food - and dessert. 

The paddock is nearly empty as she makes her way through. Maybe, had she been paying more attention and not focussed on her aching body, she would’ve caught on to the footsteps behind her. 

They are heavy, she assumes possibly a mechanic still packing up to continue on their way to the next circuit. That’s what she still thinks when the hand on her bicep yanks her around the corner. 

If she weren’t as exhausted, then fighting would’ve been a possibility. However, that seems out of the cards as he pins her against the nearest wall. Her forehead hitting the surface hard enough to make her dizzy. 

“Not so confident now, huh?” 

The fuck- “Lance? What are you?-” He slams her head again and cages her body against his own. She flails, only to be slammed again. “Would you stop doing that please?” 

“Not after that stupid stunt you pulled today on track.”

“You mean the one where you showed you don’t know what brakes are?-” Again, her head is sent into the hard surface. She can feel her nose starting to bleed. “Must you?!” She decided to shut up when he does it again and everything starts to go fuzzy. 

His fingers dip beneath the waistband of her fireproofs. The cold evening air hits her bare skin and she panics more than before. Her head is too cloudy to fully comprehend what’s happening. 

“I feel like I'm entitled to a bit of compensation after that stunt.” 

“You’re entitled to nothing. You took yourself out!” She hisses through gritted teeth. Still, Lance continues to get her clothes lower. And slams her head again harder - you know - because she wasn’t disoriented enough already.

“Would you shut up?” She doesn’t say anything this time. Her mouth feels numb and her ears are ringing. Her exposed lower half is met with the bare hands of someone she doesn't want touching her. 

It's - well - it hurts. He's groping at her thighs, ass, even her tits which she isn't sure how he's managing. His hands are everywhere they shouldn't be. 

And then nothing. 

A vague awareness of what's happening seeps through her veins and invades her senses. She tries to scream. Attempts despite the sheer pain of the snap of hips she didn't ask for. 

His finger beat her to it. A hand encloses around her throat and cuts off her oxygen. The black spots dance around her vision. She wants them to stop moving; they are making her dizzy. Or was she already dizzy? 

“See, it's not so bad. Don't you feel less guilty for ruining my race now?” No, she doesn't. She wasn't guilty before. 

She blacks out. 

~~~♡~~~

Waking up with sore limbs and a killer headache is not how she pictured this night going. She tries to yell for help, but a mere creaky rasp escapes. 

When did she lose her voice? The thought makes her panic more. The sob she lets out hurts more than there is sound. 

Her face and hair is sticky. At least Lance had done her the courtesy of not finishing inside of her. 

Still - what the fuck even happened? The fragmented memory is trying to come back to her slowly. Each small piece remembered is another broken cry. 

She can't move. 

It's dark again. 

~~~♡~~~

The anxiety between the three boys is certainly not something they are used to. Oscar can pinpoint the exact moment Lando started overthinking and Max had to bear hug him so he didn't pace a hole into the cement of the parking lot. 

The fourth seat in their car remains empty and their messages have gone unanswered. It's getting more concerning with each passing minute. 

“Max, she always responds.” 

“I know Lando.” 

“She always calls if she's going to be longer.” 

“Lando?”

“Yes?”

“Would you feel better if we went and looked around for her?” 

The Brit nods his head in a fashion that might give him whiplash. It's better seeing him feel helpful then sit helplessly. Though Oscar can't help but agree with Max's original point. that they should wait there at the car just in case since that's where they were supposed to meet. 

Granted, it's only been twenty minutes. It's still long enough to be murdered. 

They Methodically peer around corners and wave at the mechanics who give them skeptical looks. They were supposed to be out for post race celebrations by now. 

Oscar freezes when he sees it. The human shaped lump lying on the ground. He rushes over with long strides. The closer he gets, the more familiar the person on the ground becomes. 

“Max! Lando! I found her!” The other two boys come sprinting in his direction. He's on the ground trying to clear her hair from her face only for it to get stuck in the sticky substance coating her features. 

“What the fuck?” 

Her fireproofs are still on, but it's obvious what happened. The handprints on her neck, the blood trickling down the sides of her face. “We need to bring her to a hospital.” 

Max hoists her up in his arms. Mainly because Lando is on the brink of tears and struggling to breathe through his panic. He loves deeply and with his heart on his sleeve. Oscar just hopes he can keep the Brit calm until they find more help. 

“Can we at least clean her up?” Lando pleads with him. Big Hazel eyes brimming with tears. 

It's always a struggle to tell him no. “We can't, not if it can help us figure out who did it.” The tears start right after that. 

“So that’s what happened then? Someone really-” Oscar has to maneuver the puddle of tears that is his boyfriend into the passenger seat of their rental car. Max tosses him the keys, opting to be with her in the back and keep her comfortable. 

The tricky drive to emergency is more because Oscar is too far in his own thoughts to pay attention to the traffic lights. He can hear Max moving her around, attempting to put pressure where blood still flows freely. 

Oscar doesn’t bother with parking. He pulls off into some empty area and helps Max shoulder her weight inside the doors while Lando runs ahead to find help. 

It’s fast after that. They take her away and start patching her up while the three of them are forced to sit in the waiting room. Oscar and Lando are left to their own devices while Max paces about on the phone with Christian. 

He feels like a knife is being driven through his chest each time his mind tries to come up with what could’ve happened. Who would do something like this? Unfortunately, a lot of people. The question is more of who could’ve done it and gotten away. Someone with access to the paddock this late. Security, perhaps? Maybe even a sleazy mechanic? A driver wouldn’t make any sense… right?

“When will they let us see her?”

“When she wakes up, most likely.”

He’s not sure when he falls asleep. The exhaustion finally hit him like a truck despite his persistence. He’s awoken by Max’s constant shaking and aggressive whispering of his name. 

“-She’s asking for us.” 

He’s up faster than Lando when Jon threatens an ice bath. They follow the nurse down the halls with an uneasy anticipation. They creep inside the sterile room and find her staring at the wall. 

Lando doesn’t hesitate to move further into the room. Always having been more in touch with his emotions then the other two boys. “Hey love, can I come closer?” 

She looks at him. The bandages plastered over the sides of her head and around her face now visible to them. She returns Lando’s gaze with glassy eyes. It’s damn near shocking when she tries to pull things off her body in a desperate attempt to reach for Lando. 

Lando gets to her before she can get everything off, specifically the IV, and catch her arms. Oscar and Max finally pull themselves together and manage to get her to lay back down with some coaxing. 

She’s shaking violently. Her grip on Lando’s arm is sure to leave bruises. “Who - who f-found me?”  

“We did, schat. We got worried when you didn’t respond.” Max drags the two chairs in the room closer and pulls Oscar down into one.  Lando, against all odds, manages to wriggle his way into bed with her. 

“I know who it was. I - well - does anyone else know?” 

“Just Christian and us.” Oscar can feel the fight Max is putting up to not ask her more questions. The way he’s grounding himself with a hand on Oscars knee instead. 

“You don’t have to tell us.” He attempts to reassure. Maybe calm her mind by giving her an option. “Just know we’re here, alright?” 

“I don’t want it to be a big story. It’s already going to be since I can’t be in the car for the next four weeks. Oh fuck - everyone is gonna know-” Lando hushes her; gets her to somehow hold him tighter.

“Christian said it’s up to you, whatever happens.” Max nods at her encouragingly. “We go at your pace.” 

“They did a rape kit. They’ll know who it is. It was all over so it couldn’t have been hard to get DNA - oh fuck” 

Her heart rate picks up. The nurses rush in. They send her back to sleep. 

~~~♡~~~

Max wants to know who it was who touched her. The rage simmering underneath her skin is almost too much to keep contained. 

On the more fortunate side, they were allowed to stay since she wouldn’t let go of Lando. Then when he did have to get up, they rotated. 

The doctors and nurses learned to approach her like she’s a scared animal. The heavy footsteps seem to set her off and there is now a sticky note on the door saying to tiptoe when entering. It’s endearing to see her doctors and nurses trying so hard not to startle her. But seeing as they’ve now had several incidents where she’s panicked, they are taking more caution. 

Oscar and Lando have meandered away in search of food. Max opted to stay put and made the promise to bring him back cheat foods. He’s too stressed to not eat something of comfort. 

Her physio is supposed to come by today with the stuff she left at the track and get an update from the doctors themselves instead of Max’s botched attempts at repeating back. It will also be nice to see her comfortable, as the one blanket that travels with her everywhere will also be dropped off. 

“Max?” He tightens his hold to show he’s listening. “It’s not fair… You, Lando, and Oscar make a mistake on track and nobody does that to you. I - It wasn’t my fault.” 

The thing is, Max is smarter than people give him credit for. The only incident on track was with Lance. An incident that was his own fault. “He’s at fault, not you. None of this is your fault.”

“They are going to say I was asking for it or something.” 

“In those fireproofs? The only ones asking for it are me and Oscar… for obvious reasons.” He chuckles proudly at his little self compliment. 

It also manages to get her to crack something of a half smile. “Are you complimenting your own ass?” 

“And what if I am?” 

She doesn’t eat anything despite it being sat in front of her. Soft foods are the only thing she’ll be eating. Her throat, albeit not as bad as it could've been (thank you F1), is still damaged and needs to rest as much as possible. 

They had to keep her for observation due to where the head wounds had been. It’s been a rough thirty-six hours, but they are managing.

Despite the hectic situation, Max has come to learn that the female lying in the hospital bed is a better person then the rest of them. Oscar was detailing a full proof murder plan while she was telling him not to make it a bigger deal then it is. To which Oscar politely put his ten step plan with four contingencies down and told her that it’s ‘what he had coming to him’. 

Max has not had to stop someone from assassinating a rival before, but Oscar seems like a reasonable guy. “Death is too good for him.” 

“Mm, you’re right, I’ll just make sure he doesn’t die then and can’t see my face.” 

“Or, we make his life a series of inconveniences! I feel like daddy’s money could get him good therapy. It can’t solve every minor problem.” Lando has a gleam in his eyes. 

Him and Oscar start pouring over ideas once more. The girl simply shakes her head and goes back to eyeing her pudding like it’s assaulted her. “I don’t want to leave here, Max.”

“Why not? I’d assume you want to go home? Sleep in a comfortable bed?”

“Out there, they can get to us. Here is safe.” 

He considers how to reassure her. Only, there is nothing he can think of. The truth is that outside of this hospital room, there is no guarantee they won’t run into trouble. 

“I can’t promise that we'll never have something bad happen again. But-” He looks to the McLaren duo brainstorming ways to make the Aston Martin garage regret existing. “We’ll be there for each other. We’re here for you. When you want us and when you need us, yes?” 

“Pinky swear?” She extends her pink to him. 

Max accepts and curls his pinks around hers. “Pinky swear.” 

~~~♡~~~

It’s not fair really, that they had to leave to go do things. Lando would prefer he at least stayed with her so she isn’t alone. Alas, they are preparing for her discharge and he had to run around getting things together for their trip back to Monaco.

He comes back to a partially opened door and smiles at the other two boys being able to get back before him. Then again, as he gets closer he can hear the angry tone. One that Max uses when he’s pissed off about something. 

Lando panics and rushes inside. Only to be met with the sight of the last person he wants around right now. 

Now - he wouldn’t say he’s prone to violence. Lando prefers to keep the peace when it comes to conflict unless he’s trying to piss someone off on purpose to get a reaction. This is not one of those times. 

Lando’s knuckles collide with the Canadian’s jaw faster than he can fully become aware of what he’s doing. Lance stumbles backward and holds his jaw, glaring at Lando like he’s the one in the wrong here. 

“Get out!” 

“We were just talking-” 

“I said. Get. Out.” He’s seething. The thudding in his chest becoming louder with each second Lance remains in this room. 

He’s not prone to violence. 

Really, he’s not. 

Yet the second crack of knuckles into Lance's chin gives him some sick satisfaction. Isn’t there something about equilibrium? Can he pin this on restoring the balance or something? Regardless, he isn’t going to dent the fact that it feels good. 

The nurses come running and start asking questions. Max and Oscar have to drag Lando away kicking and screaming. 

Worse is when they try to tell him that there are pictures out on social media. Christian has been calling Max non-stop. Oscar has been dealing with Zak. Their relationship isn’t a secret and neither is their current location.  

“They're sending us a different car to see if we can’t get out discreetly.” 

“What happened with Lance, Lan? Are you alright?”

Everyone is panting. Their eyes trained on the door. “I punched him. I restored the equal-brey-um… thing.” 

“Equilibrium.” 

“Yeah that!” 

He’s not sure how they get on the plane. He’s still amped up about the whole punching thing and running purely off adrenaline. 

They’ve been sitting in silence, mulling over their options. Creating statements they can put out. It’s hectic and they keep trashing them because nothing fits. 

The female has been apathetic. The last thing she wanted was for this to get out and now it has. Seemingly everything is flashing before her eyes. Her career will be gone soon enough, so what’s even the point? 

“Don’t post anything. We don’t have an obligation to confirm or deny the rumors. If anything, we can say that you were just driving me to the hospital and being good friends or whatever.” She won’t look at them. Still - Lando can hear how upset she is, the waiver in her voice. “I’m going to be kicked out anyway.” 

“Christian said-”

“Damn what Christian said! He knows this isn’t going to get any better and if I say who it was then Daddy’s Money is just going to pay his way through.” She's hyperventilating now. Her body collapses against her seat and Oscar makes an effort to get her to lean against him. “It’s not fair!”

lando Can’t help but share her feelings.

~~~♡~~~

She stays holed up in the Redbull garage the next weekend. The appearance is hard, people want to ask her questions. Her boys had been caught in the middle of the riptide and haven’t come back to shore yet. 

At least she’s here. She’s trying her hardest to look stronger than she is. On the inside things are falling apart. 

The team knows to give her space and not ask about the ordeal. She takes refuge in Max’s room when things are too much and the other drivers keep their distance. 

They know it was one of them. She’d been adamant on not saying who it was, but it’s obvious there are sixteen who it could have been, given her partners insistence that none of them go near her garage for the time being.  

She just wants this whole thing to blow over. She wants to lay in bed with her lovers and not flinch when they go to touch her. 

She knows, however, that until she deals with things that healing can’t happen like it should. Or at least, that’s what her therapist says. The one she is now required to see. 

Things get worse when she’s back in the car. Her media duties are limited so she can focus on driving and ‘listening to her body’ as her physio likes to say. 

She can’t hear her body over the sound of her mind going staticy as Lance closes in on her. The catalyst for everything. She panics and ends up in the wall. Not the worst crash ever, but certainly hurts her pride more than it has already.

The thing is, it keeps happening. Even as she’s able to let her boys back in. As her podium finishes start to come back. Her fireproofs (which they’d gotten her all new ones) start to feel comfortable again and she doesn’t feel the need to be out of them the second the race is done. Still, Lance is using this to his advantage. 

Finally, after he almost killed her on track (again), she’s had enough.

The trial goes better than she thought it would. Despite the money differences, Lance won’t be able to race anymore. It’s not some grand spectacle either, just an announcement like usual. It’s more the closure she needed versus the publicized drama it could have been. 

She wins the next race. 

“If I ever see him again, it will be too soon.” 

“It’s been over a year now, Lan. I’m getting better.” There is a genuine smile on her face. The car awaits to take them back to the hotel. It was here that it happened. She almost considered not racing because of it.

“Lando got a taste of blood and now he’s feinding for it.” Max has a comforting hand around her waist. A grounding presence. 

“I mean, I never threw away my murder plot…” 

“You’re a genius Oscar!”

She shakes her head. It’s not like any of this has been easy. It never is. Still - her boys are here and they���ve been so patient. 

“There’s her smile.” They all beam at her. 

She smiles back.

[berries28]

oh! that was you! i was wondering if the similar usernames were just a coincidence or not! i hope you liked the fics!

sorry to hear you got ship hate... it's really sad to think that people are hurting others over what's supposed to be fun...

if it's ship hate i received, then, um... last week, i found someone saying they wished liphiyo shippers would die, several people say liphiyo shippers are homophobic, people go 'liphiyo shippers are delusional, how could you possibly read canon and seriously come away shipping that?', there was hate on tiktok that namedropped my twitter account, i got a warning in a honeyworks discord for violating ship hate rules by "talking about liphiyo so much that it made aiyuu fans uncomfortable," the admin and the mod of that server then insulted me on twitter, someone said to my face that me shipping liphiyo was gross, sometimes when i talk about shipping liphiyo, people say "i see hiyori as a compet lesbian" or "they're siblings" over what i'm saying, a friend pretended to be hacked just to insult liphiyo to my face and take her bad day out on me, and i got threatened with a call out post for harassing people i've never met because they said i was the one harrassing her...

looking back on it... that's a lot....

the classic "i hope ____ shippers die" its like tumblr is still stuck in 2010... and tiktok truly scares me, there's like several name-drop 'expose'/hate posts there several times a month in my country. As popular as you are though (i mean, you kinda carry the liphiyo ao3 tag your shoulders) its inevitable to get hate. I hope you're able to keep writing regardless!

i'm also sorry you were warned not to talk about your fav ship in discord for talking about it and that it was by aiyuu shippers too (i mean, thats what discord is FOR yk?) but its also important that we don't inadvertently make people uncomfortable, you know? I feel VERY uncomfortable with aimona (idek the ship name anymore, its basically Aizou and Mona, i just remember that i had it blocked way back) because it made me uncomfortable, but discord doesn't have a tag block so if it makes a group of people you'd like to co-exist with uncomfortable, they have a right to ask that it be done less. Its why I dont talk about LIPXLIP infront of irl friends, because one of them have trauma from her own idol fan days (of a kpop group) and requested i not talk about it too much infront of her. The hiyoko anime was pretty intense too, a lot of kpop fans were reminded of past real life anti-fan stuff-

IM GETTING SIDE TRACKED!! What i mean is, being an in-denial AiYuu fan from before Samishigariya just to avoid hate, i truly get what you're going through! But its really important in a public fandom space like discord that people dont feel uncomfortable, as there are no blocking systems for topics. I hope you still have fun with liphiyo on tumblr and ao3, i see your asks often and it seems like you found your people! Not to mention how popular liphiyo is after the hiyoko anime

(psst add me to the honeyworks discords you're in, i barely talk to anyone from the fandom on here and dont know any haniwa/ lipxlip fans irl)

[duck-era-lexi]

my hc for the ages of the sdv marriage candidates

edited from the tags of this post

warning: essay

so we do have to keep in consideration the fact that time remains static and no one really changes, like the kids never grow even after 25 years of your farm. and i like to think that the years are actual years and i'm on year 4. so there's that. also the fact that i feel like you can't really get married your first year? (unless youre blade lmfao) cause you're busy with crops for so long. i personally got married (for the first time) in year 3 and i honestly had wanted to get married asap for the entire time i was playing but i just never had the resources to give loved gifts. but also i dated alex so my work was kinda cut out for me lol. but ALSO i was too busy to search for npcs when i had to mine and water and do all that kind of stuff that you do in your first couple years. but i digress.

anyways i'll stop rambling.

first off, i think that when you get your farm you are 21. 18 at first feels nice because it's a fresh start but the storyline is that you're working at a corporate job. plus, you can drink from day one so i feel like that should be factored in. i'm not talking about realism here with your ability to grow and plant crops, but i am heavily factoring what the sprites and portraits look like into my decisions.

let's start. so i started with harvey when i was thinking about this, but i think the easiest thing to start with is the main group of people that all seem to know each other. sdv isn't terribly realistic seeing that there is less people in this fully functioning town than in my old math class. but we know there are some friend groups.

so. i like to think that alex+haley, and seb+sam+abigail are all in the same GRADE level at school. they know each other and have connections and it's implied that haley and alex dated. now they could've definitely had an age gap but with haley's ego it feels more as if they are in the same grade. sebastian has a hella baby face but he feels like the oldest, in some way, alex and haley in various places and sam and abby are much younger. EDIT: i am realizing now that i should factor the birthdays into this because they're like the only thing we actually know--

okay so abigail's the oldest, in october, then seb in december, haley in april, alex and sam in july. i hc that you arrive in march, so when you arrive you are 21 and abby and seb are 21, the others are 20. we are not going to discuss how incredibly convienent it is that the only sort of clique of people there are exactly your age!! i don't think that the farmer is younger than them, because then it makes me kind of sad when i think about how little they have done in comparison to me making 5milly in a week yk

asldkfj i have so many more hcs to write but let's focus for now. let's talk siblings. maru i feel is a year younger than seb, so 20 when you arrive. she works as a nurse as a part time job. leah, in my opinion is 19. i know this is probably an original thought but she gives me major runaway teen vibes. i feel like she's been fixing up that place ever since she's 14. she also has a baby face.

emily i think is 3 years older than haley, and they are close like sisters but really only argue over emily's technical authority in the absence of their parents. so emily is 23 with her birthday in may.

i think harvey starts as being 28, which is questionable considering he's a licensed doctor but he also has a somewhat of a baby face. i know it sounds like i think that everyone has a baby face but i think abigail, elliott and emily look older than they actually are. elliott i think is 25, and i think this is the same for shane. i feel like shane's sister (?) would have been 31 if she lived, and that the two weren't that close but he still feels terribly guilty for being the one that survived. personally i dont know that much about shane so idk. lastly, i think penny is 24. she looks very young and also the fact that when she speaks, she has this sort of attitude that she thinks she's really smart and cool and a good person for being a teacher but actually she's kind of pretentious.

bonus: i think jas and vincent are 8 and 9 but that really doesn't matter that much.

so the ages they are in my game right now , based on birthday (it's spring year 4)

haley - 24 with her birthday in early april (just passed)

shane - 28 with his birthday in late april

emily - 26 with her birthday in late may

maru - 23 with her birthday in late june

alex - 24 with his birthday in early july

sam - 24 with his birthday in mid july

penny - 27 with her birthday in early sept

elliott - 28 with his birthday in early sept

abigail - 25 with her birthday in mid oct

seb - 25 with his birthday in late dec

harvey - 31 with his birthday in early jan

leah - 22 with her birthday in mid feb

TLDR notes - tried to keep everyone close together and within reasonable age that you could marry all of them without it being weird - farmer is 21 @ start, time passes in years like normal. i like to think her birthday is spring 0, so she'd be 25.

[phantomrose96]

oh don’t worry ABoT can definitely be a weekend read, i just read it start to chapter 39 from 2am to now (and still got a solid 8 hours of sleep somehow) ! couldn’t put it down honestly. amazing job at reconceptualizing the characters in this worst case scenario alternate universe in a way that feels believable and not contrived — not pulling any punches (ritsu and teru are … pretty awful, in particular) but not in a sensationalist dead-dove-dont-eat way at all which i really really appreciate. teru and ritsu are awful but ultimately sympathetic because they really do feel like natural extensions of their character arcs had canon played out differently. it would’ve been really easy to take this and make it into either an Everyone Is Evil I Am So Edgy story or a But They All Come Together Through The Power Of Friendship, so thank you for not doing that! while reigen is my favorite, i love ritsu & teru’s relationship — it’s so nuanced but well developed. cant wait to see what happens next!

(ABoT)

Oh you get it

Oh You Get It........

Hahahhahhhhhaaa.............................................

Literally when I saw the first ask before you sent the follow up, my first thought was like "!!!! you get it! gosh I wish that woulda applied to all those people from 2017-2018 who labeled ABoT torture p//or/n" but I wasn't gonna actually bring that up because like even talking about that time always feels like I'm putting myself on the defensive.

But.... god haha yeah..... I didn't write anything for almost 3 years after that. I thought about ABoT every damn day for that almost-3-year hiatus. It was already planned out! It had an ending! It just made me so sad because I believed I couldn't come back to it because I couldn't Do This Again.

It was just... utterly heart-breaking, utterly devastating, downright confusing how this fic which is so focused on the slow and messy and hard work of recovery was being branded "oh it's sadistic twisted fucked-up torture p//or//n of children and the author is a sick fuck".

I know it's dark!! It's dark and no one has to read it and I've tagged it for the things that are dark and I put content warnings in front of every chapter! But it's dark because I care about how much a tiny flicker of light can mean in the darkness.

I... care about media that doesn't just brush traumatic happenings under the rug and go "so that happened, anyway." I care about trauma that isn't ignored. I care about the characters who can't just brush it off - who come out worse because of it - I care about them and what the slow and ugly and sometimes backwards progress of recovery looks like. I care about characters who absolutely Fuck Up and face consequences for it. I care about characters who are messy and need time and cannot be fixed with a single nice word. I care about making the audience care about what the characters have lived through, and how it hurt them. I'm rooting for all the characters in ABoT. They're all trying to find their own flicker of light in the dark. I care so so so so so much about that.

And it absolutely destroyed me to see a whole group of friends in the fandom (who, mind you, were annoyed with ABoT for a while. I saw their posts show up when I searched 'ABoT', and who tried to pin a couple problematic labels on ABoT and couldn't get anything to stick until 'torture p//o//rn") rip apart ABoT's reputation because ALL they needed to say was "ABoT is an au where Mogami kidnaps and tortures Mob for 4 years. It's awful and gross and problematic and don't read it and if you do YOURE problematic."

And I saw it time and time again (again, in the ABoT tags! in MY tag, sometimes.) Someone would make a post like "if you're an ABoT stan don't follow me" and some clueless anon would be like "whats ABoT" and they'd answer the above and that was it. No one wanted to risk getting into "problematic" stuff so people just accepted it. Even more neutral people didn't have the time or reason to investigate that further and just accepted it, assuming whoever was speaking had read it, even if in reality none of them had.

I got death threats. They made hate-blogs of ABoT. They made memes shitting on ABoT. They spammed the ABoT tag and the phantomrose96 tag. They spammed sandflake's tag and drove them away same as me. They raided and spammed the ABoT discord. They made posts celebrating how long it had been since ABoT updated. They made posts trying to accuse me of pe//do//philia (for NO reason. NONE. NO REASON. NO EVIDENCE. It was just an effective word to get people run off the site. and luckily that accusation died because there was literally nothing to base it on.) ALL the while framing what they were doing as totally in the right because they were JUST calling out torturous child-abusing fic.

I really tried. When all this started, I stopped tagging anything ABoT related with m/p/100, so I wouldn't bother people. If I found ABoT art tagged with m/p/100, I'd wait a day to reblog it so it wouldn't accidentally rise high in the tag and bother people. Sometimes I WOULDN'T reblog art because I didn't want the artist to risk getting threatened. I mostly stopped talking about ABoT on tumblr, so I wouldn't bother people.

But it fucking gets to you after a while. I started believing they were right. My mental health was extreme garbage at this time (for reasons unrelated to this all) but that meant I couldn't brush any of it off. ABoT was kinda the one little spark of joy I had at this time and then I just. Didn't anymore. It got taken away.

I would write every sentence through the lens of my worst critic. I tried SO many times to start chapter 25 back in 2018. I could only get a page in at most. (Originally it was going to be the mall movie theater scene that ends up happening in chapter 27) and I'd balk at jokes I was trying to write. There was going to be a joke about the movie being a sort of in-universe Twilight, where the two love interests uncannily resembled Ritsu and Teru. And I froze up because. Was that problematic? If Teru was seeing the movie because Mei wanted to, was that sexist? If Teru himself wanted to see it, was that homophobic? Was the Twilight reference problematic? Was the joke about the love interest resemblance problematic? Would the irreverence of the joke be problematic? Would this be what they get me on? Would this be my undoing? Would this be the final nail in my coffin?

I found these old drafts somewhat recently and they are just. Lifeless. They are so barren of any kind of passion or heart. I re-read it and see just how painful it was to get from one sentence to another. I was burnt out and afraid of every word and those drafts would never ever have worked.

Hell, when I did write chapter 25 for real, in 2020, I gave up entirely on making it the movie scene. Trashed that. Started from scratch. That well was far far too tainted to draw from.

I just. aaa. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Sorry for the long post but ahhhhhhh. I gave up my favorite and most meaningful hobby for almost 3 years. This was still happening in 2019 when season 2 aired, when I hadnt been truly active on Tumblr for ages and hadn't touched ABoT in years. JUST so they could be sure to taint the well again and tell any new fandom comers to stay away from ABoT. I had no spoons and no spine for it so I just, let that happen, and unfollowed the ABoT tag. I still haven't seen season 2.

I'm so SO glad I figured out how to come back to it in 2020, and that people have been so supportive, and I mostly try not to talk about this stuff but. it fucks with you. it fucks with you a lot.

I'm just really happy to have been able to come back to it.

[imsebastiansta-n]

PR Stunt - Part 2

Warnings: fluff, angry seb, sad reader, one swear, gentle arm grab

Word count: 1096

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Requests are open 🌟

Tag list form ❄️

A/N: Okay so I wrote this bc I have an opinion and so do others. Please don’t comment/reblog talking shit, bc quite frankly I don’t want to hear it. I think the whole ‘relationship’ is bullshit and all she’s looking for is fame and money.  

If you don’t want to read this, that is absolutely fine, just keep scrolling and carry on with your day.

If you read it and have stuff to say and think its horrible? Don’t say it. Keep it to yourself.

If you read it and have your own opinion, great let me know. Just don’t say awful stuff, say your opinion and leave.

If you read it and have the same opinion as me, great let me know. Again, dont be horrible.

Either way, everyone has an opinion whether it be good or bad. As long as I don’t get death threats and little, teeny boppers in my dm’s going all keyboard warrior, go nuts.

PS: before anyone says it, I’m not a ‘jealous’ fan. I just care deeply for Sebastian’s wellbeing and mental health. Something a lot of people seem to forget about.

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(A/N I hope this part makes sense)

You and Seb made your way to the gateway, you dropped off your suitcases on the way just carrying your carry-on bags. You got to the gate and showed the lady your passports for her to check and made your way to your plane seats in the first-class section. You had previously told Sebastian you were fine in economy, but he wanted you both to have privacy so opted for first this time.

You walked down the row, looking at all the people and children that where already seated. Some were already asleep; some were giggling, and some were crying. Probably first-time flyers you assumed.

You continued down the row of people and finally got to the first-class section. You found yours and Seb’s seats, putting your carry-on bags in the compartment above you and got comfy.

It was about half an hour when the pilot announced you were lifting off, so you had to put your seat belts on then you were free to move around.

After being shown all the emergency exits and all the information needed, you were finally in the sky.

When the seat belt light went off, you and Sebastian cuddled up together on the bed and decided to take a well needed nap.

(A/N do planes have beds?? Idk but in this story, they do haha)

It felt like a few minutes when you dozed off. You were currently being shook awake by Sebastian.

“Come on sleepyhead, time to wake up. We’re almost there, we’ll be landing soon.” He whispered as to not disturb the other passengers.

You groaned as you sat up with your bones cracking making Seb chuckle.

“It should be my bones doing that, not yours.”

You rolled your eyes playfully causing Seb so gently pinch your side, making you giggle.

“Okay, okay I give.” You laughed. “I need to go to the bathroom real quick.” You pecked him on the nose causing him to blush as you got up and made your way to the bathroom to freshen up.

You washed your face, patting it dry with the towels provided and done your business.

Once you were finished, you made your way back to Sebastian with a big smile on your face feeling fully refreshed.

Hearing Seb’s voice made you stop in your tracks; you didn’t mean to eavesdrop.

But what you heard made your stomach drop.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with her yet, I’m here to spend time with my actual girlfriend. You know, YN?!” he fumed.

He was on the phone with his management, and they told him he needed to be spotted somewhere public with Alejandra.

But you didn’t know that.

“Don’t raise your voice at us. We’re the ones trying to help your career.” A voice on the other end of the phone replied.

“No, you’re trying to ruin my career and sabotage my 4-year relationship.” He whispered shouted.

“I can see we’re not going to agree on anything right now. I’ll call you again later and I expect that attitude to be gone, Sebastian.” The voice replied, hanging up causing Seb to growl in annoyance.

You heard him sit back down on the bed, so you figured it was time to show yourself and pretend you heard nothing.

“Hey, who was that bubba?” you asked as you sat beside him and put your arm around his waist to awkwardly cuddle him.

“Oh urm, it was just my management babe. They’re just giving me my schedule for when we’re home.” He smiled and pecked your forehead.

You knew he was lying, and you knew the smile was fake.

Both made your heart sink to your stomach.

“It’s our two weeks off and they’re bugging you already?” you fake groaned, causing him to lightly chuckle.

“It’s okay, they won’t be bugging us anymore.” He wrapped his arms around you and gently squeezed.

Lie

“Come on, we need to take a seat and put our belts on we’ll be landing soon.” You smiled, as you both sat down in your seats.

Sebastian grabbed your hand, linking his fingers with yours as you looked down and slightly frowned, biting your lip.

Would he really lie to me?

Has he lied before and he’s just real good at it?

Who was he talking about on the phone?

Who’s her?

All these thoughts started swimming about in your mind. Thankfully Sebastian didn’t notice as start to ask questions.

Before you knew it, the planed landed and you both grabbed your carry-ons made your way to pick up your suitcases.

Once you grabbed them, you wheeled them to the front of the airport to catch a cab to take you to your hotel.

All the while, thoughts were still swimming in your mind, and you couldn’t shake the bad feeling you still had.

You arrived at your hotel and grabbed your cases from the boot/trunk (I’m British, I say boot) and wheeled them into the hotel for Seb to check you in.

You got up to your room and left your case by the bed to look around, when Sebastian announced he was going down to the desk to ask about room service.

“Love you.” He called as he closed the door behind him.

“Yeah, love you.” You whispered and sighed, sitting on the end of the bed with your head hanging tears threatening to fall.

You knew where he was really going but you didn’t want to admit it to yourself.

So, you pretended he was going down to the reception desk and started to sort out your suitcase.

Sebastian stepped out of the elevator, with his phone in his hand he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and walked into someone.

As he apologised, he looked up.

The coloured drained from his face.

“W-what the hell are you doing here?!” he growled, gently grabbing her arm, and pulling the mystery lady to the side. “You are supposed to be in another hotel. Far away from this one as humanly possible.”

“I asked to switch to here, so they switched me. No big deal, baby.” She giggled and ran her hand up his arm, but he shook her off.

“No big deal? My girlfriend is here. She’s in our room right now. If you do anything to jeopardize my relationship with her, I will end your entire career. Don’t call me, baby and don’t fucking touch me.” He fumed, walking away as the lady stayed smirking.

He walked back into the elevator and rubbed his hands over his face.

What the hell has he got himself into?!

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@shafverani 🌙 @buckys-fairy 🌙 @nevenabadr 🌙 @malikstan 🌙 @tiredwriter 🌙 @sea040561 🌙 @hotleaf-juice 🌙 @fleetwoodmacand-cheese 🌙 @lugiastark 🌙 @slut-for-buck 🌙 @mxrvelinhrt 🌙 @amelia-song-pond 🌙

[jackassbroadcast]

do you have any fic recs? Feel free to take your time :)

Hello this took me days yes sorry i very much did not had the time for this but im back now! You shall get your damn fic recs

( I dont know if you asked for 3rd life/ last life fics, hermitcraft fics or just in general mcyt so im just gonna do all of them lol )

Also this is a reminder: read that damn tags on these cuz i dont describe everything that happened as to not spoil it and some of it could be hard stuff to read lol

Dog At The Door by fluffy_papaya and iamsolarflare

Highly recommend 10/10 i really enjoyed it it is one of my favorite fics ever not only mcyt its very visually written i mean it like the writer described settings and feelings so well?? Like wow i had to stop at one point because i was so overwhelmed it was amazing

Third Time's The Charm by SneakyToni

Dsmp x 3rd life in a very fun way i don't think ive ever saw before lol? It was very fun to read and very sad and it is ongoing so yeah beware of that it has a sequel that im very hyped about to see where its gonna lead (so far has been very cool)

This Is The Death Of Beauty by weareallstardustfallen

Very sad i didnt add this for the last two oops but big death warning lol this is like a 3rd life fic from the pov of scott burying Jimmy and it deals with portraying grif very weel and thats all im gonna say

There's Blood On The Upholstery Again, Are You Kidding Me? By kelprot

A very cool and normal fic about scar and grian going on a fun roadtrip :) nothing supernatural or anything following them lol nope nothing at all (ongoing)

Eudamonia by Ella (ellabellachicketychella)

I really really love this one like its a dsmp one but legit i dont think i ever saw a story have such a perfect loop ending its sad theyre stuck in a forever loop but its written in a way you could read it over and over again and it would feel like you still read it and theyre still part of the loop plus its written absolutely beautifully highly recommend

Inmate 77-2 by iamsolarflare and xxenobiology

Really cool fic about scar, doc and area 77. I really enjoyed it. It is written in a very visual way i noticed like i could see this being visualized as a movie or show i cant explain it but i really like that plus the dialogue was so cool to read in some scenes i could feel the tension and mood and i think thats amazing ( disclaimer: did not read the rest of the series so far so this is only about the first part lol)

[satoruvt]

for a moment i forget to worry

pairing → xu minghao x reader

word count → 3196

genre → fluff + angst, college au ↳ tags: strangers to friends to lovers </3, college kinda sux, ROOMMATE CHAN MAKES AN APPEARANCE OR TWO, dance major minghao, reader is completely lost but its ok who isnt, lots of cute couple stuff, pov ur entire relationship with minghao. thats it, a sad break up scene, a solid amount of crying

summary → there’s something about minghao. maybe it’s the way he dances, vibrant and youthful, or maybe it’s the way he loves you. based off of hunger by florence + the machine.

warnings → i hint at sex but its pretty vague, i also mention a breakdown type deal (revolving around school/life after school)

a/n → first of all this was NOT supposed to be 3k words i dont know how it happened. second of all i’m only kind of happy with this HAHA i feel like the story itself isnt bad but i wanted it to match the song more ... idk :/ i hope u guys like it regardless !!!

pieces of you masterlist

The first time you see him is by accident.

Really - all you’re doing is trying to find Chan. You’re passing by the practice rooms, looking into them in hope he’ll be there, stopping to gaze at decorations and medals and trophies lined up on the walls. It’s when you approach a room that music plays from that you think you’ve found Chan, but when you gaze in, it’s definitely not him.

You don’t know who it is, but he moves like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

It’s hypnotizing, almost makes you want to drop your things and dance with him. There’s a sense of youth that comes from him and it’s almost overwhelming - but it’s not in energy, necessarily, but rather from the precision of his movements, the technicalities that he seems to both follow and break at the same time. Something vibrant seeps out between the seams of his body, colors you can barely recognize as they splash against anything they can reach. It’s almost tangible. 

You watch him long enough for him to finish his performance (an unknowing one) with the last notes of a song you forgot was even playing. His eyes meet with yours, slow as he completes an eloquent turn, and at the same time, a hand meets your shoulder.

A small wave of embarrassment washes over you, and you turn towards whoever touched you, effectively breaking eye contact. “What are you doing here?” Chan asks, hair still wet from what you assume was a shower.

“Looking for you,” you tell him, following as he starts to walk towards the exit. “I wanted lunch, and you owe me for that time I took your British literature quiz for you.”

Chan groans but agrees to pay, and you laugh, though the world seems a little paler than it did a few moments ago.

The second time you see him is by chance.

(Maybe.)

You’re waiting for a lecture to start, tapping your fingers against your laptop idly as you watch students trickle in last minute. It’s not a strict course, but it does start at nine in the morning, and most everyone shows up with a coffee.

You look down to brush a stray hair off of your table, and when you look up again, the dancer from before walks through the door, then looks right at you.

You feel a blush heat your face and it’s like he wants to make sure that you know that he knows, because he almost refuses to look away. You break eye contact first (like the last time, you remember for no reason) but still watch as his figure moves up the stairs, past the rows, and you hope he’ll just move past you too…

He doesn’t. He takes the empty seat right next to yours, and you don’t say anything, instead finding the peeling sticker on your laptop incredibly interesting. The professor comes in and decides that today he’ll take extra long to set everything up, apparently, and you want to scream.

“So,” the dancer says, voice quiet. It takes your breath away, the way he sounds. “Mind if I ask why you were watching me the other day?”

You cast a glance at him - not too long, you don’t think you could handle more than five seconds tops - and finally open your laptop so it makes you look busy. “I was waiting for a friend.”

“And?”

The smile in his voice is palpable. You’re already exasperated.

“You…” you start, finally deciding to look at him as some sort of subconscious power move. “You’re a beautiful dancer. It was hard not to watch.”

Beautiful doesn’t even cover half of it, but you figure he already thinks you’re weird for watching him, so you hold back the thoughts of youth and vibrancy and color. The dancer looks at you, almost blank for a moment, before a soft smile draws itself on his face. It makes your heart beat a little faster. He says “thank you” with a gentle tone, sincerely felt.

The class starts, and the two of you don’t speak throughout the next hour and a half. You type out notes on your laptop and you see him write down names of the paintings being shown on the projector, little thoughts and notes written afterwards.

By the end of class, your professor assigns an optional partnered project, and you’re more than prepared to head back to your apartment and start on it yourself. The dancer stops you before you leave, however, asks if you’d like to be his partner.

(And he says it like that, would you like to be my partner, polite and somehow sweet.)

You know your answer. “I don’t even know your name,” you stall, standing from your chair. 

“Minghao,” he tells you. “I’m Minghao, and I’d like for you to be my partner.”

You say yes easily, put your number into his contacts even easier. The sky is blue when you leave the lecture hall, trees dotted with pink and purple flowers, and it is all so bright that you forget it wasn’t this way in the first place.

The third time you see him is for school.

Underneath the excitement of giving Minghao your number, there is the knowledge that it’s for the sake of an assignment. He texts you the day after to ask if you’re free to meet up to work and you tell him sure.

(Sure is what you send back, but he doesn’t have to know that you burst into Chan’s room immediately after, plunging face first into his bed just to scream into his pillows. Chan had sighed, turned around in his desk chair to look at you, then asked what happened. He gave you two minutes to rant and then kicked you out, back to your own room.)

You and Minghao agreed to meet at the library on a day that neither of you had any afternoon classes, and you get there early, spend some time working on other classes. You have somewhere around thirty minutes to freak out to yourself before you see Minghao come in, dressed like he knows what he’s doing to you (which is really just a hoodie and jeans, but you think it’s the cap that really pulls the whole boyfriend look together), smiling when he finds you at a table in the corner.

“How are you?” is the first thing he says when he sits down, and you pull down your laptop screen a little to see him better.

“I’m good,” you say, feeling your heart pound. “What about you?”

Minghao sends you a kind smile. “Really good. Should we get started?”

You lose count of how many times you see him after that.

Meeting up to work on the project soon becomes just meeting up, and after the project’s done and turned in, it happens even more. You hang out and get lunch, send each other texts and stupid videos, take walks around campus together. The weeks pass, summer mellows into fall, then into the early days of winter. You develop a genuine friendship with him, finding comfort in his presence, looking for him wherever you go. 

(Although the crush is still there, potent and patient, stubborn in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wonder if it’s a sign of some sort.)

You’re in one of the practice rooms with him, sitting in the corner. You had a class nearby and he’d wanted to practice a little more, so you told him you’d work on your own stuff while he finished up and then the two of you could grab something to eat.

But you made a small error on your part - the dancing. You’d forgotten the way he moves (you haven’t seen him dance since that first time) and in no time at all you’re letting your screen go dark in front of you and watching him. Honestly, it’s not your fault, you really can’t help it. 

But of course he notices.

Minghao meets your eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows at you, and all you can do is look away, desperately try to get your laptop up and running again so at least it seems like you weren’t watching him for too long.

“You’re staring,” he says, long after you’ve looked away.

“Sorry,” you tell him anyways, immediate, quick. 

Then he says, “I never said anything about stopping.”

In a second, you look up from your laptop and up at him. He moves closer, crouches in front of you. His eyes are kind - they’re never not - but you think you see something a little more in them. “Sorry, I think I missed that last part,” you respond, blinking. Minghao smiles like you’re endearing.

“I said I want you to keep looking at me.”

You think you’re barely breathing when he shuts your laptop for you, slides it off of your lap and onto the floor (gently, with care, and it’s a wonder to you how he can focus on that right now). He practically crawls over you, one of his hands eventually reaching the junction of your jaw and neck and holding there. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” he says, but doesn’t move. You nod as soon as his words reach your brain, eager and quick.

And the next few hours get a little wound up in your head, a little mixed in with the feeling of his body - that moves so youthfully, with so much vibrancy that it reaches everything around you - melting into yours and the sound of him asking you to tell me what you need, honey, and the still-playing slow jam music he was practicing to.

You watch him sleep next to you, hand curled around yours against his pillows, and think that nothing bad could ever touch him.

The two of you… come together, after that.

Neither you nor Minghao use any proper labels, but you both seem to know. No labels are needed, really. You have each other and that’s all there is to it. And everything is really good.

You work together and laugh together like you’ve always known each other. He tries to teach you to dance with him when you’re in the practice room with him, pulls you up by your hands and guides you through your giggles. He was the first person you called when you realized that you had no idea what you were working towards, didn’t have a clue what you actually wanted to do with your life. He gets along well with your friends and you text his because they’re basically yours, now, too.

Winter turns back into spring, slow and easy. Vibrant and youthful. You’re not able to meet Minghao’s parents, but he meets yours (and you’re sure a quick introduction to his mom over a FaceTime call has to count for something). The two of you take advantage of the newfound warmth of the season and try to get out as much as you’re able to, with picnics and city dates and anything you can think of. A drawer in his dresser is reserved for your things, you bought an extra toothbrush for him to use when he stays over.

You watch him dance. It still feels like the first time, like color and breathlessness. You tell him he’s beautiful every time, feel yourself fall a little deeper when he still gets bashful amidst his comedown. You tell him you love him for the first time after he gets done with a performance - a proper one, for a showcase of the dance club he’s in. He says it back.

You think he put all the stars in the sky just for the two of you to gaze at them together.

Things shift the beginning of your junior year.

Minghao tells you about a program he’s applying to, a proper dance academy in New York that could really kickstart his career. Training under some of the best choreographers and performers in the world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask him after he tells you, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. You’re studying at his apartment tonight.

“It’s just…” he frowns. “It’s so far away, you know?”

Oh. You hadn’t even thought about that, too caught up in the excitement of him being able to apply at all. A quick sigh leaves your lips, and then you reach for his hand, hold it between both of your own.

“That’s okay,” you tell him, though now that you’re thinking about it, you feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach. “We can work something out, though, when we get that far. We’ll figure it out.”

Minghao nods, a fond look in his eyes. He pulls one of your hands to his lips. “We’ll think about it if I even get accepted,” he says.

It’s bittersweet, but a promise nonetheless.

Fifteen minutes after you get a call from Minghao, there’s a knock on your door. 

You wouldn’t necessarily say you’re worried, but, well. Everyone’s experienced the jump of anxiety when they get hit with the “I want to talk to you about something” line. Nonetheless, you stand from the couch to open the door, mentally preparing yourself for any and everything. 

“Hey,” you greet when you see Minghao, opening the door to let him in. His face is unreadable. “Everything okay?”

He walks a few steps into your apartment, waits for you to close the door before turning back around to face you. Then he holds up a piece of paper, the creases from where it was folded still bending. You send him a confused look.

“I got in,” he says, a grin breaking on his face, and you blink, then feel your jaw practically hit the floor. Minghao only nods like he understands, and before you know what you’re doing, you launch yourself at him, holding him close.

“Oh my god, Hao, that’s amazing,” you say into his sweater, then step back to get a proper look at him. Youthful, vibrant. “I’m so proud of you.”

He seems to soften at your words, pulls you back into him again with a gentle kiss to your head. “Thank you for believing in me,” he tells you, tenderness palpable in his voice. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Minghao spends a lot of time away from you after that.

You’re not really hurt in any way - even though he got into the academy in New York, he still has to practice. You get it, this is important. He doesn’t text you as often, isn’t able to stop by as much, and you miss him, but you know how much this means for him. But it gets… weird, almost, after a while. Strange, even for him. It feels weird that he’s set to leave at the end of January and it’s December and he’s distant.

Both of you are laying in your bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, when you decide to bring it up. “You’ve been… kinda far away lately,” you start, nudging him with your shoulder gently. “Everything okay?”

His eyes stay on your ceiling, but you feel the way he sighs. “It’s about the program,” he says.

“Okay.”

“And about… you and me.”

Oh. That doesn’t… sound the best. “About, like… what we’re gonna do?”

Minghao nods.

You say, “I wouldn’t mind visiting every so often. It’d be hard, but I’m sure we could find something to work.”

Minghao shakes his head, says, “no.”

You pause, and when you look at him he’s already looking at you. What does he mean by no? Does he want you to move with him? Or does he -

He reaches for your hand and you think oh.

His eyes are a little glassy. You feel the tears come, too.

“Oh,” you say out loud. Minghao squeezes your hand. “So this is… this is it?”

Your room is suddenly cold, and you want to crawl under the covers and stay there. The person in front of you is blurred into something unrecognizable, but you can’t be bothered to blink away your tears.

“I think so, love,” he whispers back to you. “I think it has to be.”

The two of you cry like that for a while. In your bed, loosely intertwined and broken. Even the way Minghao cries carries a kind of vibrancy that’s overwhelming, makes you think of the first time you saw him so long ago, and now -

When you manage to get a better grip on yourself, you ask him if you can still see him off at the airport. He says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

Then you ask if you can kiss him again. He responds by kissing you first. 

And it’s sad, it tastes like salt and sorrow and you feel like the promises you never got the chance to make are broken. It feels like the most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen, and you know it’s only a branch of Minghao’s color.

He leaves soon after that, pulls on his shoes and his coat and turns around at the door to give you a tired smile. After he’s gone, you drag yourself to Chan’s bedroom, and once he sees the state you’re in, he offers up one side of his bed. Neither of you say anything, but the friendly reassurance of his hand in yours says enough.

You don’t fail to notice that everything seems to be washed out, a blandness you’re not used to.

The last time you see him is at the airport.

It’s a cold day, despite being sunny. The airport offers little warmth, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here for long. 

It doesn’t take you very long to find Minghao - you still look for him wherever you go, even if you’re not looking for him. Even then, it’s still so easy for you to find him, to pinpoint that vibrancy, that youth. He’s talking to a few others, you think you met them. Soonyoung and Jun.

Minghao meets your eyes and you freeze, but then he waves you over with a gentle smile. You follow like you think you always will. 

You greet Soonyoung and Jun and the four of you talk, albeit a little awkwardly, even when Soonyoung tries his hardest to lighten the mood. Eventually he has to leave, and Jun follows with a shy goodbye. They both hug Minghao before they go.

You’re not sure what to say, but after a minute, you find words. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you tell him, a little selfishly. 

Minghao says, “you’ll do good. I know you will. I’m not worried about you.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and you think he’ll give you a stiff and sad goodbye, but he steps a little closer to you. Looks at you the way he used to.

“Maybe…” he starts, then pauses. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

Maybe, you think. Maybe.

“I hope so,” you tell him, then watch as he leaves.

[adventuringblind]

i saw that post about your teaser for the series and it honestly made me a little sad. i love your writting and im pretty sure ive read everything from your f1 masterlist (some works even more than once). your stories bring me so much comfort and i truly hope you dont change your writting style because of some randos on tumblr❤️❤️❤️

I definitely won't be changing my writing style. I think posting that, even if it was just a teaser, wasn't the best idea for Tumblr.

I'm going to post it on A03 at some point. Not yet, but when I feel comfortable with it. Since y'all have been so supportive of me and encouraging!

My pet peeve is when people who don't want to read the fic because of warnings, read in anyway. I ignore the warnings because that is the dark kind of stuff I'm looking to read. I'm someone who can actively imagine that situation enough that it feels like I'm the one being saved. It's a feeling I didn't get growing up that I'm trying to give to others and myself.

The point is to be uncomfortable. I made myself sick writing it because it is so morally wrong.

The point is: it is frustrating when people see the tags, ignore them, and then complain about it. Especially when those people assume you haven't been through anything you're writing about. I write from a place of understanding and vulnerability because I want others like me to feel seen and like they have a safe place to come when those messy thoughts won't leave.

[fanfic-cave]

Abandoned

Rating: SFW/PG-13 (although theres kissing and stuff if you dont want to read that in public)

Word Count: 2.2k

Pairing: Hunter x Fem Jedi!OC

Warnings: Angst, fighting and arguing, talks about order 66/jedi being killed, making out it gets a little heated ya’ll

Summary: Hunter has discovered Sera's intentions to abandon the team and leave. The have an argument, amongst other things. Does she stay, or will she leave the bad batch for good?

Authors note: More OC stuff, I just get scenes in my head and I have to write them out. This is the furthest ahead ive gotten in the story I think. I have ideas of other things (which kinda get hinted at here), but im not sure how exactly I want to accomplish them.

Be sure to check out my post and put in your 2 cents on what I should write next!

Tags: @mangoberry99

You walked into the small, dark room, with Hunter right on your heels. He was definitely mad at you.

You tightened the mask on your face, and kept your hood up. Hunter switched the lights on and shut the door. “You were going to leave?” Hunters voice was raised, practically growling. He whipped around to look at you, his eyebrows arched and nostrils flaring. Yup. Pissed.

“I don’t expect you to understand.” You folded your arms defensively. “Just cause you’re a Jedi?” Hunter spoke loudly. “You owe us an explanation.” Somehow you thought Hunter really meant that you owed him an explanation.

You turned your face away, saying nothing. You didn’t feel obliged to share anything, you just wanted to retreat and hide like you always had. Hunters mouth turned down into a frown, and you could tell he was getting more upset. “I hate to break it to you, but being a Jedi doesn’t make you more special or different than the rest of us-"

“Hold on a damn minute-" you interjected, uncrossing your arms.

“And you don’t get to shut us out just because you are one.” He spat it out and you felt your face heat up with anger. “You were going to go without saying goodbye, Sera. You realized how messed up that is?” He was yelling now.

“I told you, you wouldn’t understand!” You yelled back. Your hands balled up into fists.

“No, I don’t! How could you befriend us, gain our trust, and just leave? Omega-"

“Don’t.” you interrupted before he could finish. Your voice had lowered in pitch, but it was loud and it echoed around the room. “Don’t bring her into this.” You were doing this to protect them, especially her. You didn’t want him to guilt trip you by using her.

“It would’ve destroyed her. You can’t face that? That you were going to abandon her?”

“You have no right-!” You turned to face him, pointing a finger at him and walking up to him.

“Take that damn thing off.” Hunter said. You froze. You knew he was referring to the mask. He stared at you with a hard look on his face, still fuming with anger. “I said take it off.” He ordered.

You yanked it off and threw it at his feet, hoping to hit his foot. He easily moved his left foot to avoid getting hit. “Happy?” You threw up your hands as you said it, venom laced in your tone. Your mask felt like your defense, a protection. You felt safe with it, and you had worn it since abandoning the clone wars and the Jedi order. You felt too vulnerable and exposed without it right now.

“Don’t lecture me, I know what I was doing, and I-" your voice cracked. You took a step back and took a breath. “I thought it was better than the alternative.” Your voice was quieter now. You looked down, then you turned around, your back to him. You didn’t want to see him, to face him. You placed your hands on the table in front of you, leaning forward and taking slow deep breaths.

“How would that be better?” Hunter's voice was lower in volume, matching yours. He seemed upset, but not angry anymore. He sounded hurt, or maybe sad.

You finished another deep breath. “The Jedi are being hunted down. I can only hide for so long.” Your voice was much quieter now, barely above a whisper. You felt weight on your chest as you said it. You crossed your arms and hugged yourself, trying to squeeze away the tight feeling in your chest. Once you started, you couldn’t stop. “I could feel it when the Jedi were killed, Hunter. Thousands of voices being silenced. And now, I can feel it.” Hunter waited for you to finish. “The Empire knows there are hidden Jedi across the galaxy, and they’re going to come and find us.”

You turned to face him, tears in your eyes. Hunter looked worried as he listened to you, watching your movements. “If you’re with me, you could all be killed.” You choked out the last part, the tears coming out. You covered your mouth with your hands, trying to hold in the cries that escaped your mouth.

You squeezed your eyes tight and couldn’t see, but you felt arms wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you in. You received the hug and wrapped your arms around Hunters torso, then buried your face into his chest. You couldn’t keep it in anymore, the sobbing escaping you, ripping through your chest.

“Shh,” Hunter quietly began comforting you. You felt his hand stroking your hair, the other arm squeezing you tight against him. You held onto him as you cried, like holding him would help you hold yourself together.

You stayed there for a minute, quietly sobbing while Hunter stroked your hair and quieted your cries. After a minute had passed, he spoke. “You remember what I told you when we found out you were a Jedi?” He paused and you waited quietly, tears still rolling down your cheeks. “I said we would protect you.” You had stopped sobbing, and you took shaky breaths in and out.

You felt him kiss the top of your head. You pulled away from his chest to look up at him. He wiped the tears out of your eyes with his thumb. “I promise, I won’t let the Empire kill you,” he had grabbed your chin, and looked into your eyes with intensity as he spoke. You smiled at his optimism. Normally you might argue that he couldn’t guarantee that, but he looked so set in his decision. You didn’t think you could persuade him otherwise.

He leaned in to press his forehead against yours, and you met him halfway, enjoying the moment of closeness. You felt like he was grounding you, keeping you here in the moment instead of fearing for the future. “Is this okay?” You felt his breath hit your face as he spoke. It was warm, and he smelled nice. You nodded. He squeezed you around the waist and pulled you in tighter, your hips now touching.

You felt your heart skip a beat. You two had never been quite this affectionate. You had an idea that Hunter might feel something more than friendship towards you. There had been moments, exchanged glances, lingering touches. Conversation where you both opened up, and had been vulnerable with each other. You already knew how you felt, but never were quite sure where exactly he stood.

You opened your eyes, and examined his face. You could see details that you couldn’t make out without being this close. The details in his tattoos, the shape of his eyes, of his face, his mouth. You felt yourself become more brave. You tilted your face to the right, your nose skimming past his. His lips were not even an inch away from yours now.

You saw Hunter's eyes open, and he was watching you. You waited, not wanting to advance more without permission. You held eye contact for a moment. He looked at you questioningly, processing what you were doing. You waited for him to pull away or come closer. You quietly froze there, the two of you only breathing and examining each other in your closeness, neither of you sure what would happen. You found yourself getting lost in his brown eyes for that short moment.

Suddenly Hunters lips were against yours, his hand at the back of your neck, fingers reaching into your hair. You breathed in through your nose, and your bodies began to move together. You felt yourself rise up to your toes to reach him, to get closer. Your arms were still wrapped around his torso, and you pulled yourself closer to him, just as his other hand gently pushed you in from the small of your back, trying to close every gap between your bodies.

After a minute, Hunter pulled away to allow yourselves a second to breath. He studied your face, like he was trying to memorize it. “It’s about damn time.” You said between breaths, and he laughed. His eyes seemed to light up with excitement. You reached up to his neck and brought him back in. You felt a burning in your chest as you continued kissing him. You wrapped your fingers around his biceps, and began to push him towards the nearest wall. He let you move him, his arms around your waist, making sure you came right along with him. You went back up on your toes, reaching to kiss him.

Hunters hands shifted away from you, then you felt them grab you underneath your thighs. You were suddenly lifted up, your legs reflexively wrapping around him. You gasped and broke from the kiss, holding onto him to keep yourself from falling.

“I’ve got you.” He spoke confidently, placing one hand on your shoulder as the other fully held you up. Then, he took a few steps and set you down on the table. Your face was now an even height with his. You made a face “You think I’m too short to kiss you?” You huffed out. Hunter smiled and said “You are kinda short-“

“Oh shut up.” You grabbed his shoulders and forcefully brought him back in. You tightened your legs on him, as if trying to lock him in place. He had one hand on your hip, the other touched the back of your shoulder where your bare skin was exposed. It felt like a fire was ignited where his fingertips met your skin. Hunter broke away and planted kisses on your cheek, then he moved to your jaw. You felt yourself reach at his shirt on his back, tempted to start pulling at it. You felt intoxicated by the moment, drinking in the bliss you felt as his kisses moved to your neck.

Wait. How did I get here again?

You released him and pulled away gently as the thought crossed your mind. Hunter stopped and took a step back from you, being sure to give you space if you wanted it. Your legs no longer were wrapped around him, you sat on the table and Hunter stood just a foot away from you. “Did I overstep?” Hunter asked. He watched you carefully, concern written all over his face.

“No, no I loved that Hunter,” you reached your hand out and grabbed his. You gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I’m just trying to process. Weren’t we just fighting?” You looked back up at him. He looked up, trying to recall the events. “Right, and then you were crying-“

“And now we’re kissing.” You laughed and shook your head. “That really escalated huh?” You looked back up to him as you spoke. Hunter was smiling, he looked genuinely happy.

You ran your hand through your hair, your braid now very much messed up. You began to undo it. Hunters smile faded and his eyebrows knitted together.

“What is it?” You asked.

“You won’t leave, right?” He asked, the brooding expression you were all too familiar with was set back onto his face.

“Oh.” Right, I was going to leave. You felt your heart squeeze. “No, I don’t think I will.” You said after thinking. Hunter sighed in relief. “Good.” He approached you again, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I wouldn’t let you anyways.” You raised your eyebrows at him. “Oh, you wouldn’t let me?” Like he could stop me. You kept that thought in your head.

“No.” He spoke firmly. His eyes locked with yours, and he looked determined. “I know the empire is hunting down the last of the Jedi, but we’re not exactly on good terms with them either.” You listened as he spoke.

“I don’t like the thought of you trying to survive on your own. I’ve always had my brothers, and having a squad, or a family, to rely on has gotten us all through it. I want you to rely on us, let us help you.” He put a hand on your cheek as he finished, and leaned in closer to you. He looked almost sad as he said it. You realized if he really cared about you, the thought of you leaving must hurt as much as leaving him would’ve hurt you.

You took a deep breath, then spoke. “Since I left the order, and the war, I’ve always been on my own. Having someone to rely on again has been a bit of an adjustment.” Hunter kept his eyes fixed on you, hand still on your cheek. You moved to put your hand on top of his. “I’m still learning how not to run, and I don’t want to run from you.” You squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes. “Honestly, I think I love you.”

Hunters eyes widened a bit as you said it. You smiled and you could feel yourself blushing. Now, though, you weren’t ashamed.

You saw Hunters eyes move to the door and back to you. Then you heard foot steps and Omega calling for Hunter. “I love you too.” He whispered it, and the door opened.

I know. You mouthed it, then slid off the table to stand next to him. You could practically hear him roll his eyes and you smiled.

I don’t think I could leave now. Not even if I wanted to.

[hinatas-sunshine]

“Y/N is Mine!”

Oikawa, Kenma, Bokuto, Kuroo

Request: Can I have a head cannon for when s/o has a best friend who hates Oikawa, Kenma, Bokuto, and Kuroo. (Not sure what the max was sorry!) They always try to get s/o’s attention so they fight a lot. Like when s/o isn’t looking they start glaring at each other, always dragging s/o away to do something together, bully each other passive aggressively when s/o is around, stomp/shove each other, and etc. Btw I really loved the giant toddler club head cannon, probably my favorite head cannon I’ve seen😼💕 - @mini222rika

A/N for Requester: WHY WAS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME and sorry I haven’t really set rules to my requests that’s my fault so don’t worry! And thank you I’m glad you liked the Giant Toddler HC! Ur so sweet much love Bby 💞

A/N: Y/F/N* = Your friends name - sorry this took forever and it’s not that good, I don’t think it’s my favorite piece but I love the concept- I’ll probably re write this in the future! Requests are open! 🥳 kithes ❤️

Oikawa:

• Holy crap HES SO PETTY

• Your friend doesn’t really trust him, she loves you she just doesn’t want you to end up hurt

• Oikawa is your boyfriend, so when you started hanging out with him a lot and dragging your friend to Volleyball games - she wasn’t too happy

• You and your bestie hang out every Wednesday night! So if Oikawa tries to hang out with you, you reject him

Oikawa: You should come to my practice Wednesday

Y/n: But me and y/b/n* always hang out every Wednesday

Oikawa: You can miss one Wednesday

• You wouldn’t do that, especially with it being one day out of every week

• You often went out to lunch with Oikawa, and your friend would end up tagging along

Y/n: I’ll be back! I have to go the bathroom

• Things were... awkward

• Oikawa smirking while your friend glared at him, sending a spit ball his way

• When you came back to an intense glaring battle between the two you smacked them both on the back of their head

• It didn’t mean they stopped, they kicked each other under the table, threw stuff in each other’s drinks, and your best friend almost spit in his food until-

Y/n: OKAY ENOUGH!

• They both looked at you, as you glared at them, making both lower their heads in shame

Y/n: Yes! Be ashamed! I don’t see why you two are so mean to one another!

Y/F/N: Because he’s taking you away from me!

Oikawa: Am not! You’re a Wednesday hog!

• The constant bickering between the two never ended and only continued when you were turned around

• One minute they were with you the next your hear slamming on the lockers seeing your boyfriend yelping in pain and your best friend looking around

“His fangirls do be crazy.”

• You sigh and help him up placing a kiss on his forehead, your best friends jaw dropping and him sticking his tongue out at her

• When you catch one of them in the act they automatically get scolded while the other snickers at them

“Oikawa! Don’t step on her!”

“What-“

“Hehehe”

Kenma:

• He seems like he doesn’t care, but he’s ready to throw hands ✨

• When he sees yours best friend glaring at him, he knows what’s about to happen

• He lays his head on your lap smirking at her while her jaw drops

• You automatically run your fingers through his hair

• They were really discreet about how they fought

• The moment your head turns Kenma hisses gives her a warning glare not to mess with him

• Kenma doesn’t care if y’all are best friends he’s going to call her out anytime

• You guys are getting lunch together?

“Y/f/n why’d you step on me?”

• You’re leading them back to class?

“Why are you glaring at me?”

• Overall you sit your friend down while Kenma smirks at her from across the room

• Dont cross Kenma

• You friend doesn’t necessarily hate him, she just thinks you deserve someone who’ll give you attention

“If you game so much why don’t you marry your game instead of y/n?!”

“That’s not legal and that’s weird, what goes through your brain y/f/n?”

• You sigh and hug Kenma looking at your friend

“I know you’re looking out for me, but Kenma is harmless... see?”

• As you lift his face up, his face squished between your hands as he looked confused

“He looks like a fish”

“You look like kuroo’s nasty foot y/f/n but you don’t see me saying anything.”

• They could never not fight 🙈

• There was something about Kenma that bothered your friend, and she was one to take action, and he was only attacking her because she was attacking him

• Kuroo usually stuck around to be amused at Kenma being so fired up, come on Kenma being fired up? That didn’t mean he was always happy with what happened

Y/f/n: Shut up your roots are showing!

Kenma: and your head is as big as Kuroo’s ego!

Kuroo: why do all his insults include me :(

Y/n: I’m not sure... *pats his back awkwardly*

Bokuto:

• BABY WAS SO SAD

• When your friend would pull you away glaring at him he questioned what he did wrong

• When she would tell him you’re busy hanging out with her he was upset

• And Akaashi didn’t stand for Bokuto being upset so while you and Bokuto would invite them places Akaashi would protect Bokuto and You from seeing her seeth at the owl haired boy

• Akaashi protecc yes yes but he also attacc

• The moment your best friend is about to say you two have plans he pushed her face back

“What the hell Akaashi?!”

“Sorry y/f/n, you had a fly on your face.”

• But when Akaashi wasn’t there-

“Hey! Y/f/n! Y/n! Where did you guys go!?”

• She would drag you far away from him before you could say anything

• This would upset Bokuto, which you would walk over to him and kiss his nose

“Don’t be upset! It was a split second!”

• He would automatically light up with happiness he loved nose kisses stop

• You definitely were as clueless as Bokuto, because it wasn’t until Akaashi brought up your friend throwing things at Bokuto that you noticed

• This upset you, you knew Bokuto wasn’t the type to argue back because he wouldn’t wanna upset you or your homegirls 😎

• As much as you weren’t one to notice things right away, you were definitely one to confront people

“Y/f/n. You need to stop being rude to Bokuto.”

“I’m just worried about you is all!”

• You raised an eyebrow at this sitting with her

“I don’t want you to get hurt like the past few times - I don’t know Bokuto but the more I messed with him, I realized he didn’t even bother to respond because he didn’t want to upset you by getting angry with me...”

• You hold onto her shoulders and smile at her

“I appreciate you looking out for me but Bokuto wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

• You friend ended up apologizing to him to which Akaashi apologized to her-

“I’m sorry I pushed your face..”

“And?”

“I’m sorry I tripped you so you wouldn’t catch up to y/n and Bokuto.”

“And?”

“AND IM SORRY I THREW MY BOOK AT YOU OKAY?”

“Akaashi you threw a book at her?”

“At the back of her head and it was a paper copy so it wasn’t that bad.”

“....it was a thick book....”

“You’re alive with no bumps I don’t want to hear it.”

Kuroo:

• This asshole cuwnfowkfijw

• Niether of them were slick about it, and they didn’t care

• Oh, you have to go study with Kuroo?

“She’s mine!”

“She’s MY girlfriend!”

• With the amount of times they pull you by your arms and use you as a tug of war rope, you’d think your arms grew longer

Y/f/n: She has to come to my house, we have a test to study for *tugs you towards her*

Kuroo: Well Shes better off coming with me because you have no brain and I’m smarter than you *tugs you towards him*

• This goes on for awhile until Kenma just casually grabs you and walks away with you leaving them to argue and confused about where you went

• Sometimes when you force them to both study with you, you watch your best friend throw Kuroo’s stuff off the table

• Or he brings you a coffee and completely ignores her and let’s her go coffee-less

• They weren’t subtle and you had no clue as to why they were so mean to one another

• They crossed the line a certain day when you went shopping with Kenma, Kuroo and your best friend

Y/f/n: Shut it rooster head I’ll sell you so they can chop you up and have you for dinner!

Kuroo: You’re just mad you cant be naturally pretty like me!

• When she smacked Kuroo in the back of the head making him drop the coffee he was drinking and she claimed there was a “bug on his head” Kenma was already 10 feet away from y’all claiming he doesn’t know you guys

• Especially because he saw your fuming face he wanted no part in that

• As the two were bickering you stood over them, angrily with your fists to your sides both of the automatically getting quiet

“One more argument out of either of you and I’ll leave both of you here and take Kenma with me.”

• They both remained quiet and the rest of the trip was peaceful ✨

• Until you got home-

“She was MY best friend first.”

“She was not! Plus she’s my girlfriend that over rules best friend.”

Tags:

[seyvetch]

Moved to place I grew up in some months ago tho was away for some time at dacha but just started recalling early school years.....

Very traumatic tho luckly it seems I either forgot or repressed enough detail to spare me the pain but......... not that one thing. Just that singular minute I remembered just now. Details are hazy and they were even just after it happened too. Dont remember why it happened (the final push) or what happened immidiately before or after.

If you read the trigger warning tags you probably suspect what event Im talking about. The one and only time in my life I tried to kill myself. I suggest you dont go reading further if this topic disturbs you or otherwise your curiocity or something else driving you isnt more than negative feelings youd get from it

Well anyway if I recall it was late primary/early middle school. My memmory isnt ythe greatest on the subject of my life in that period or in general tbh. Maybe my brain had to repress so much stuff it just cant form memmories that good now. Well I remember something just clicking. Something was a straw that broke a camels back. I cant recall what it was but I just wept and wanted to die. It was too much suffering for it to be worth living. I climed the stairs to second floor and midway tried to jump head first into stone floor. Dont remember what type of floor exactly but it was certaintly some kind of tiles with concrete underneath to my irrational panicked hormone filled child brain it seemed that I would die. In reality looking back I would probably just recieve head trauma. I remember my classmates physically stopping me and me feeling someyhing I dont quite recall about that fact. Was it anger that they didnt let me end my existance? Confusion that they stood by or participated in my bullying of which I cant recall any of it now thankfully or sadness that they only bothered to do something about my situation when I was there and not at any point before. Probably a mix of all those.

You know what the person from school told me in regards of why I should do this? "How would your parents feel about this?" as some sort of persuasion to not kill myself. I of course didnt kill myself or attempted for that matter any more in my life nor extent of my self harm was beyond picking at my dried cuts but it is more of a bad habbit or a stim. But you know what I think about that statement? What would my parents feel if I killed myself? As a measure of preventing suicide? It might be effective but many times its been the only reason I didnt go thru with it. What would others feel. How would that affect others. Sure it can be like a part of it but its cruel that my only reason to live many times was someone else. I mean it in this way: Im not living for me. Im not living bc I want to live in these cases. That fucked me up. I think it built a bit of resentment to those who would just be upset of I died or somehow were hurt. Bc I didnt learn how to find a reason for me to live an actual reason I learned to force myself to live for others. Its not a good coping strategy at long term. It just stops the main symptom and not the cause of it. For I dont know how long now. Years? I barely felt the drive to live. The WANT to live. The will to live. In some sense I think I might have died long ago. I do of course have wonderful moments that feel my whole being with happieness and pure desire to live to thrive but they are so fleeting... and I dont have the luxiry of good memmory to remember them for long if at all. And if I dont even have the motivation to love I barely take care of myself. Especially since most of the time my mental health and what can I only describe as disability manifested (from what I suspect many smaller causes maginfied by each other (death by a thousand paper cuts as it were)) making it harder. And there is barely any support. Most of time I bring up my issues they are eiyher didsmised as being blowm out of proportion or Im told to dealt with it die to my age or fact that Im "a man" (which also hurts bc Im femining leaning trans).

Now dont worry Im mot gonna do anything to myself I just needed to vent but I am in a bad mental space and its been i decline lately and I might not respond much or at all for some time and thanks for all who msg me it makes me feel slightly better and hopefully it will start becoming better in general soon.

Thanks for reading heres a pic of a cat I took as thanks for you actually going thru this.

[tastyykpop]

𝐶𝑟𝑎𝑧𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒-Part 1

Pairings: yandere mafia leader!baekhyun x reader

Genre: suggestive, smut in later chapters, angst probs, fluff here and there but its very lowkey

《teaser next》

Warnings: kidnapping, drug use, alcohol consumption, baeks kinda crazy, pet names, master kink, spanking (he literally spanks her once), choking (not in a kinky way), mentions of blood and murder

Word count: 4.9k

Tag list: @wooya1224 @geniusloey tell me if you want to be tagged!!

⚠️ this is purely fictional and not how I imagine baekhyun to actually act. If you feel like you're in a situation like this please run and report it. I do not support this behavior.

How long has it been? 3 or 5 days? Maybe even a week. You didnt know nor did you care. But why would you? You've gave up caring ever since your boyfriend, Sungho was murdered right in front of you, but you couldn't even see who the murderer was which drove you insane.

Tears and blood stained your pretty skin that night, so much agony and rage ran through your veins. All you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and scream until you passed out. But its been days since you've gotten a proper good night's sleep and it was eating you away ever so slowly. Everytime you closed your eyes, you remembered that dreadful day, Sungho's screams, the terror on his beautiful face, his lifeless bloody body. What did he do to deserve death? Why did it have to be him?

"Y/n! Y/n, its been four days please come out of your room!" It was the familiar voice of your mother and her knocking that brought you back to reality. She was almost begging, she hasn't seen you since you locked yourself away that night so you couldnt blame her for being worried, but you were fine. "I'm coming in."

She pushed your door open to see you cuddling your blanket with no emotion on your face. You looked at her with barely any care and rolled over, facing away from her.

She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, "You know y/n, we'll get to the bottom of this and have them put behind bars. It's gonna be ok-"

"No its not," you rasped from not using your voice in so long, "I dont even know what the murderer looked like, how can we put them behind bars!?" There was a small pause, she knew finding them wasnt likely which hurt you like hell, but she was still trying her best to comfort you.

"...At least come out of your room, everyone's worried." Your mother pleaded and though you really didnt want to move, you didnt want to upset or worry anyone any further so you got up.

With a smile, she did the same and led you downstairs to where you dad and sister were. They tensed when they saw you, but nonetheless smiled sadly, thanking the heavens you were okay.

"You look horrible..." your sister, Haeun, commented making you cringe. It wasnt like she was wrong, you spent four days not taking a shower and sitting in the same clothes so of course you looked bad, who wouldn't.

You excused yourself and went into the kitchen grabbing the first thing you saw, a bottle of vodka. Now it wasnt the best drink you could've had, but you decided to drink away your pain and suffering since you couldnt take the heart ache any longer.

"Shes doing it again." Your mother whispered but you heard her clear as day. "Shouldnt we stop her?"

"What for? She won't listen and she's traumatized. There's nothing much we could do right now." Your dad spoke with sadness watching as you took a quick swig from the substance.

Normally, you're not one to drink vodka but now it felt good, maybe too good. The more you drank it, the less pain you were in. It could last forever, you thought, but nothing lasts forever.

As you poured yourself another drink, you started wondering about Sungho again. If there were an afterlife, was he happy there? Would he be watching over you, making sure you were happy and healthy?If only it were that simple.

Though you and him were starting to drift off a bit, you still cared and loved him and now you're starting to take everything you guys went through for granted. Its what you get.

Standing up, you left the kitchen a bit dizzy from only drinking alcohol and having nothing else in your system and went back upstairs to take a shower. You decided after drinking, you wanted to go to the club you always go to. Normally, you didnt go on a Thursday, but you thought since you haven't been out in a while that it would be good to leave and breathe in the fresh air.

You took a fairly quick shower and your hair and makeup didnt take long either. Finally stopping to look at yourself in the mirror, your saw how pale and tired you were. Almost lifeless. You figured that once you finally have a good time, it would all go away and you'd be happy again.

"Where are you going?" You jumped at the voice of Haeun who appeared out of nowhere.

"To the club." You stated nonchalantly,

Haeun frowned, "Thats not a good idea, all you'll do is drink until you pass out. And there's always weirdos waiting for their turn with someone vulnerable like that."

A smile formed on your face trying to lighten up the mood a bit, "Ill be fine. I promise nothing bad will happen."

Haeun sighed, almost sounding like a bratty child who didn't get their way because she knew she wouldn't change your mind no matter how hard she tried. It sucked to have a stubborn sibling like yourself.

Sehun rolled his eyes at the sight of Baekhyuns scheduled flirting session. The girl was dressed in barely anything and he could tell she was probably Baekhyuns new toy for the night as he started getting handsy with her. But Sehun could see how Baekhyuns eyes weren't always looking at her. Instead, they sometimes searched passed the girl in hopes to find something else. He knew what, actually who he was searching for so he never asked or mentioned it.

He remembered you perfectly. Your calm and sleeping figure laying peacefully on your boyfriends chest. It was a shame he had to wake you up while he killed the man. And it was a shame to see such a pretty girl cry and scream with such fright in her eyes.

But Sehun didn't feel that bad, he did what he was supposed to do with only a little remorse.

"Sehun," Baekhyun called, the younger lifted his head waiting for him to continue, "Are you sure you didn't hurt my little toy the other day?"

Sehun scoffed, "If I did, I'd be dead by now, hyung."

The man chuckled sadistically , "She hasn't been here in a while," Baekhyun looked up from the girl and turned to Sehun, "Its only safe to ask."

"Hyung, I told you before that shes probably scared." Sehun face palmed when Baekhyun glared at him.

"A little red shouldnt effect someone that bad."

"I kil-" Sehun stopped what he was about to say, forgetting about the girl straddling Baekhyuns lap and cleared his throat, "Shes not used to stuff like that, Baek."

He didn't care about what Sehun said and ignored the youngests pointless blabbering, returning his attention back the girl only for a short amount of time until something caught his attention.

You walked in his club with confidence and beauty not giving any staring man the time of day and took your usual seat at the bar. After ordering your drink, you put your head in your arms and Baekhyun grinned.

Now was his chance, there's no way anyone will get in his way and there was no way he'd let this chance go.

"Stay here." Baekhyun said to Sehun, pushing the girl off him as he stood up. She almost pulled him back but he gave her such a terrifying death glare that made her stop.

"Theres no way youre actually gonna go talk to her...right?" Sehun questioned a bit shocked that Baekhyun was actually going to you after so long.

"Of course I am, I'll be back." With that, Baekhyun walked away from the two with only one thing on his mind: you.

He waltzed with a smirk of pure evil. What would he do? Only God knew, but he couldnt help himself when he saw your pretty face.

All eyes watched Baekhyun stop next to you, astonished that he went to talk to a girl and not the other way around, "Excuse me sweetheart," You popped your head up in the direction Baekhyun spoke, he took a seat next to you with an almost comforting smile when he saw your red cheeks, "But are you okay."

You wanted to spill everything that happened so bad because you needed to get it out, but you didnt know the man and neither did he know you so all you could do was nod, "Im fine."

Baekhyun knew behind your lying eyes was someone in pain and searching for a person to hold, but he couldnt do anything just yet and tried loosening you up to him so he could do what he wanted to do in the first place.

"C'mon sweetheart, you can tell me anything." He smiled that charismatic smile of his, "I'm easy to talk to."

It was believable for the most part and you laughed a bit, the first laugh you actually had since that tragic night, "You seem like a sweet talker," you smirked causing Baekhyun to chuckle, "Whats the catch?"

"There is no catch, I just wanted to know if youre okay. And besides, I could tell you've been crying." He pointed to your tear stained cheeks and you mentally cursed yourself for unintentionally crying just a few moments ago.

"Oh.."

"Dont worry," He chuckled, "Whatever it is im sure you'll get over it." Baekhyun almost failed to hide his sinful smug as you frowned and covered it quickly with a swig of your drink.

But something inside was eating you away about what happened, you needed to let out your emotions and you started caring less and less that he was a stranger. Then again, what if you scared him away? What will happen next?

"At least tell me your name first," You blushed and shyly looked over at him who had an expecting glint in his eyes, "Then maybe ill tell you why I'm so upset."

Baekhyun stretched his hand out in front of him and you gently shook it. Damn he had a strong grip, "My names Byun Baekhyun and you?" He asked as if he didnt know who you were.

"Y/n L/n." You beamed, wondering why his name was so familiar. "So uh- my story..." Fumbling with the drink in your hands, you sighed heavily, "Long story short, my boyfriend was...murdered in front of me." You mumbled the last bit, but you didnt need to repeat yourself as Baekhyun already knew every single detail of that night thanks to Sehun.

Placing a soft hand on your shoulder he whispered with fake sympathy, "I understand now why you're so upset," Liar, "I feel terrible," No he doesn't.

He wiped a stray tear that had slipped down your cheeks and sent you a solemn look.

"I-its in the past i guess." You muttered, "I can't change a thing about it."

Damn right you couldnt. Even if there were some form of time travel, Baekhyun wouldn't dare let you try and change the past because that would mean you weren't entirely his. But since there isn't anything like that, Baekhyun has nothing to worry about except figuring out how to bring you back with him.

"Would you like a glass of water, y/n?" Baekhyun asked quickly as a thought popped into his head. You nodded your head slowly and Baekhyun called over the bartender. You werent really paying attention to him ordering the water and just let your mind slip to the sound of the music and looked around the room, tapping your fingers to the beat, but you stopped when you felt a pair of sharp eyes watching you from somewhere. You looked here and there before stopping on a man that was a about a few inches taller than Baekhyun. He had a eerie grin on his face when you noticed him, then he winked.

Chills went down your spine and you spun yourself around in your chair facing forwards causing Baekhyun to raise an eyebrow but he didnt question it.

"Heres the water." He handed the drink over and you thanked him before taking a sip. It tasted a bit weird but not all water tasted the same, though it was slightly dry for water.

"So tell me about yourself, y/n." Baekhyun checked his watch, all he needed was fifteen minutes then you were all his. "You seem like an interesting person." He looked up and smiled.

"Well," You thought about what was possibly interesting enough to tell him, "Im in my second year of college!" A smile crossed your lips.

"Oh really? Where do you go?" Baekhyun did seem interested to know some parts of your life. Somehow, you caught his attention like that. Thats why Sehun was a surprised when he finally made his move with you.

"Seoul of Performing Arts." You beamed. It was the happiest moment in your life when you got accepted and all of your family members, extended and close, celebrated your acceptance, "My boyfriend, Sungho, went there too."

He just about rolled his eyes but replaced it with a nod and a fake warm smile. If you knew him better, you'd know that smile was only him clenching his jaw in anger.

"How cute." The glint in his eyes proved he was lying and maybe you were too stupid or innocent to notice when you took another sip of water.

He watched and wished his plan could go faster, he was excited to have fun with his pretty little toy and he couldnt wait any longer.

"What about you?" You raised a brow. There was still something in your gut that made you feel like you knew him. And you still wondered why. Was he someone famous in the city? Maybe you've heard your friends mention him here and there? What was it about him that was so familiar?

"You'll know soon enough kitten." You frowned at the pet name as he pat your head like you were a small child yet you chose to ignore it.

It was a bit outlandish and made you more skeptical to know who he was.

"Thats not very reassuring, Baekhyun." Your quirked.

"Why tell you when I can just show you?" He leaned in, mocking your now pouty lips and chuckled, "The drugs should be setting in by now."

You lifted your head up with wide eyes, "Wait what?" Did you hear him right? Did he say what you thought he said? "What do you mean drugs!?" You said with awestruck as your heart raced in fear. You hoped to god he was just joking

The man before you smirked that unpleasant smirk of his, almost like the guy you saw before and you started panicking more, knowing he wasn't kidding. You tried to get up and run but you felt so woozy in a matter of seconds. Not to mention the sudden pain in your stomach that made you want to throw up. What was Baekhyuns plan? Why did he do this!? You thought at least one thing could go right tonight and maybe you could have fun, but you were wrong. So so wrong.

Trying to leave the club building, you knew you wouldn't make it but you still wanted to attempt an escape. It didn't have to be like this. Each step made it harder to move and your eyes started drooping. It was too late for you.

Already collapsed on the ground, people gasped and stared at your almost lifeless body as Baekhyun tilted his head to the side, "She tried, ill give her that." He walked over and crouched down next to you, moving the hair out of your pale face, "But not hard enough."

In an instant, your body was thrown over the man's shoulder. No one commented on anything that happened in fear that they could be next. It was impossible to say that they felt bad either, they were just glad it didn't happen to themselves.

"Sehun," He called out to the younger male but Sehun was already ahead of him, "You drive." He tossed him the keys.

With a nod they both walked out, you on Baekyuns shoulder as he took you to the expensive car. Gently, he placed you down in backseat, putting your seatbelt on for you, and climbed in on the other side to sit next to you.

"All this just for a girl." Sehun shook his head but needless to say he still smirked, "Youre loosing yourself, hyung." The car sparked and drove off into the night, no cops came searching. They knew better. And neither was there news of your kidnapping, the city stayed quiet.

Sure once your parents realized you were gone they'd start freaking out, but would they dare mess with Baekhyun? Would anyone actually try to mess with him? The mafia could easily answer that with an optimistic no. Remember, Baekhyun had power. No one is going to stop him.

"How long will she be out for?" Sehun asked.

Baekhyun shrugged, "Like an hour or two." He was excited for your life with him now, he knew you were finally his after a year of watching you come and go in his club, plus the small stalking he did when he wanted to see you, and he could only smile. No one can get in between him and your love anymore. "Shes gonna love it when she gets home!"

Sehun chuckled at Baekhyuns almost child like enthusiam and started, "She seems a bit innocent," he paused, looking back at your passed out body in the mirror before returning back to the road, "Normally women don't look off into space when someone's buying them a drink."

"Maybe she's a bit slow, but she wouldn't be here with me if that didn't happen."

The candle flickered in the dark as you awoke on a strange bed. You're head was pounding a bit as you tried looking around at your unfamiliar surroundings. What happened? Was your first thought and you started questioning where you were too. You knew something wasn't right but you couldn't understand why.

You tried getting up only to be locked in place by restraints on your wrists. They were only silk but they were tied tight enough to keep you still. Tilting your head in confusion, you heard foot steps coming towards the door and stopping for a mere few seconds before the door handle twisted.

You anticipated what was going to happen, you didnt even know what was going on in the first place, but you remembered the man standing in front of you.

"B-Baekhyun..?"

"Hey, kitten." That sinister smile was plastered on his face. You were sure it held more meanings then just one.

"Where a-am i?"

He almost cooed at your curiosity but composed himself, "At my mansion, where you'll be staying from now on."

There was a moment where you had to think, interestingly enough what Baekhyun said didnt even frighten you in the slightest, but then again you were high off the drug.

"C-Can you u-untie my hands please?" Your voice was soft and quiet, Baekhyun noticed you werent fully aware of your surroundings and complied, untying the silk from your wrists.

Your eyes were a little dilated when you looked at him. He was gorgeous, you had to give him that, though you wanted to remember why something wasn't sitting right with him. "Baekhyun?"

He looked up with a hum.

"Who...are y-you to me?" You squinted your eyes at the man who sat on the bed next to you, drawing small shapes on your thigh in a sort of loving manner.

"Your boyfriend, y/n."

Boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?

"I have a boyfriend..?" You muttered and asked more to yourself than to him, but he snickered, knowing way more than you did.

"Kitten you drank too much, go back to sleep." He lied and pushed your shoulders down so you were flat against the mattress.

"I-i did?" You whined when Baekhyun kissed your cheek. He always wanted to kiss more than your cheek, he couldnt bring himself to do that unless you were fully conscious for him.

"Yes baby girl, so get some sleep."

You grumbled, "I-Im not t-tired."

Baekhyun sighed, "Then what would the pretty girl like to do?"

You perked up on the mattress and grinned, "Im hungry!"

"Youre hungry?" Baekhyun repeated with a smile at your small childlike energy and you nodded back, "I can ask someone to make you something if you'd like."

"Please!"

He stood up, waiting for you to do the same but since you weren't very awake, you stumbled a bit.

Baekhyun settled with carrying you to the mansions kitchen, awing at your cuteness the whole time. It was a bit of a walk but luckily you were light.

Sitting you down, Baekhyun walked off, finding someone to cook for you. In your state, you felt a bit lonely, only knowing Baekhyun and not your surroundings, it made you feel a bit lost. It shocked you too how you didnt remember Baekhyun being your boyfriend, you started question the relationship between the two of you more.

"Princess i got you your favorite dish!" He walked in with a plate of jjajangmyeon and set it down in front of you.

Your mouth was watering and you were ready to dig in before wondering, "H-How do you know m-my favorite dish?"

Baekhyun hesitated at the question before clearing his throat and spoke with a raised brow, "We're dating y/n, why wouldn't I know what you like?"

"Uh yeah..right...." you dug in, your mind was starting to clear up a bit, not enough for you to fully remember anything though. But the more you thought, the more consciousness you regained.

Baekhyun watched as you gobbled down the meal with full satisfaction. This wouldn't be the first time he's watched you and neither would it be the last. He liked knowing you were eating well and were healthy so he was proud.

"I-im done!"

"Good girl. Now wait for me to come back so we can go to bed, okay?" You nodded and sat patiently as he took your plate and waited for your boyfriend to come back.

A few moments later, Baekhyun still was no where to be seen and your mind was slowly coming back, "N-no...wait." mumbling to yourself, you figured it out in just mere seconds and remembered that your boyfriend was brutally murdered four days ago in front of you. After four days you went to the bar to drink away the anguish and met someone, that someone was Byun Baekhyun. After thirty or so minutes of talking to him, you were drugged when you werent paying attention and passed out minutes later. Now you were here at Baekhyuns mansion, lied to and kidnapped. "Oh fuck."

The chair scraped against the floor and you wasted no time running to your hopeful freedom.

But you weren't a lucky person. Oh no you weren't. You were tossed and pushed against the door you were about to open by someone much bigger. He was the same guy you saw at the bar and his smirk was nothing different. Cynical and frightening.

The man stepped closer to you before putting one hand next to your head and whispered, "Are you playing a cat and mouse game with hyung now? How cute." Standing tall, he grabbed you by the hair and dragged you back to where you came. You groaned and tried fighting back, but there was no use, he wasn't going to let go until after he practically threw you into Baekhyuns arms.

You were about to scream at Baekhyun and the no name man until Baekhyun covered your mouth with his hand, "Say something and you'll regret it." He growled into your ear as you shook and fought.

You hummed against him and tried biting his hand and punching his side, but he was like a man of steel and let it happen, only raising his brow like he wanted to hurt you, but didnt.

"Sehun, tell Chanyeol to lock all the doors for the next week or so 'til she learns how to behave."

The man nodded and ran off leaving you two alone. Fear was one way to describe it and the look Baekhyun gave you didnt help.

"Now kitten why would you go and do some shit like that? Are you asking to be punished?" He took his hand off your mouth to let you speak. Baekhyuns aura was much different than earlier. The nice guy was gone and you were left with a man who could kill you with just one look.

You stopped hitting him and screamed viciously, "Fuck you! You're fucking insane!"

"Now now princess," he pressed a hand to your throat, wrapping it tighter and tighter until you felt the oxygen leave your lungs, "It seems as if you're asking for a punishment."

"I-if you...s-so dare to-touch..any other p-part of my body, i-ill....kill you..." You whimpered, grabbing his wrist in attempts to pull him off but Baekhyun was relentless, keeping his grasp tight and painful.

"Stop struggling, you're only making this harder for yourself."

There were two options now, either listen to Baekhyun or fight until you passed out again.

"Princess." His voice held a warning tone and you hesitantly stopped and moments later he loosened his grip, you knew there would be marks by tomorrow, "We are going to bed now. Don't try to run, I have this place guarded up and if you do somehow make it out, be prepared because I will find you and beat your ass until you can't sit for a month. Understand?"

Your stomach did flips and not in a good way, you were scared, "Y-yes."

"Can you say 'yes master'?" His voice went higher as he said the last part to mimic yours.

You sighed, positive if you didnt comply then you'd be here all night, "Yes m-master..."

"Good girl." He kissed your cheek and you almost smacked him in disgust but tried not to act aggressive towards him. You wanted to leave, not be punished by whatever he had in mind. "Call me that from now on."

Baekhyun grabbed your hand and led you to the room you were just in, now that you took a good look, it was a pretty room. There was a red sofa against the wall and some other matching chairs plus a huge flat screen TV hanging on the wall facing the bed. You had to admit, he had good taste but he was still insane.

As you sat down on the bed, Baekhyun reached into his draw to pull out a t-shirt and handed it to you with a wide smile, but you raised a brow at the fabric.

"No pants?" You asked.

Baekhyun chuckled, "What for?"

"Because of creeps like you." You grumbled and snatched the shirt that dangled in front of your face before storming off into the connected bathroom. Inside, you could hear Baekhyuns annoying laugh and ignored it, changing into the surprisingly very oversized shirt that went down to your mid thigh.

Taking the clothes you wore earlier, you went back into the room where Baekhyun laid peacefully on the bed, waiting for you.

He only had his boxers on which made you groan in anger and decided to not lay on the bed and instead on the couch near it.

"Princess, what are you doing?" He perched himself on his elbows, watching you throw your clothes on the ground then take the folded blanket on the couch and wrap yourself with it as you laid down.

"Going to sleep, master." You stated coldly with a glare.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "Get over here." He said, voice low and laced with dominance but you remained still, closing your eyes and pretending as if you were asleep. "Y/n." He warned but there was no reply.

"Thats it." You heard him get up and march to where you laid. Baekhyun picked you up and you yelped at the sudden intrusion and were thrown over his shoulder.

Smacking his back got you nowhere as he threw you down on the bed, pinning both your hands down and hovered over you with a killing look, "Next time you don't listen, ill bend you over my knee."

"Youre all talk, no action." In an instant you were flipped over and a hand landed straight on your bare ass, leaving you shocked and mouth agape.

"Are you sure, kitten? Would you like me to spank you again?"

"N-no."

"No what?"

"N-no master.."

Baekhyun slowly let you go and laid beside you, still a bit irrated. "Now go to sleep."

You couldnt. Not with the lingering fear of what could happen next. Plus, not with his arm wrapped around your waist with a somewhat tight hold. You were just too scared to let your gaurd down. Why shouldn't you be scared though? What if he took advantage of your sleeping body and did something terrible.

There was no way you could get rest now. You could now count this as your fifth day without proper sleep.

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Laid out cold, now we're both alone (part 3)

A/N: Hello, this fic is very important to me because I tried my best to give justice to such a cool idea and I hope I did a good job. Plus I don't do multichapter ofter, so this was a challenge.

I wanna thank the lovely @livdonna​ for proofreading my work, you're literally the best <3.

P.S. If you want to get tagged in the next chapters, let me know.

Summary: Nikki needs to ask a favor to Vince Neil, in order to keep someone safe.

Warnings: Major Character Death,Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug Use, Angst, Overdose.

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x Tommy Lee

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Taglist: @slashscowboyboots @witchytombstonesmile @arnold-layne @emometalhead​ @i-dont-like-rice​ @nikki-sexx​ @smokeandmirrorz​

Bittersweet. That was the best way to describe Nikki’s emotional state as he got teleported in front of Vince’s house. They weren’t the biggest fans of each other.  He was always so annoyed by his singer, whom he considered more of a diva prince than a front man.

Sometimes Vince Neil was a stupid spoiled fucker, in his opinion, yet he needed him. What made his blood boil the most was that he had to put his pride to the side, because this wasn’t about him but about Tommy, and there was no way in hell he would have disappointed him again, even if that meant having to deal with the blonde’s bullshit.

He decided to get in the blonde’s house but without showing himself at first.  He wasn’t being avoidant ( absolutely not) but just he wanted more time to think, that’s all. The first thing he noticed was how different Vince’s mansion looked from Mick’s : outside there was a big pool, in which the clear water was shining thanks to the sunny day, meanwhile the inside was mostly white and gave the whole house a very elegant and snobby atmosphere; however it was very messy too, which was a huge disappointment.

It reminded him of the singer: face of an angel but inside he had his demons. Who didn’t to be honest? Unfortunately Nikki wasn’t so lucky to get an angel face to hide his dirty soul, he felt like everyone could tell how fucked up he was.

Lost in his thoughts he almost didn’t notice Vince passing right through him, talking on the phone in an exasperated tone.

“I know Doc, you repeated that hundreds of times! Yeah , I’ll call Mick and Tommy and we will do this fucking conference!”

There was a small pause.  Doc was probably answering back, and Vince looked like he was about to smash the phone on the ground.

“What’s holding us? We fucking lost our bassist, our friend and brother. Jesus, I fucking get it that you want our money but show some fucking mercy, bastard! Fuck you!” He violently put the phone down, only to fall ungracefully on the couch.

The whole conversation made the bassist laugh out of anger.  He knew Doc was all about money, especially because they made his life a living hell, but Vince appearing concerned about his death was honestly so fake.

What? Were you saying that Vince Neil was mourning him? The guy who kept fucking up the band over and over again was sad for him?

“Fucking Nikki, real dick move you pulled there!”

Nikki didn’t wait one second before sitting on the couch and making himself visible to the blonde.

“Oh Vinnie, that’s so rude to say.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Vince screamed,  trying to back away but just managing to fall off the couch.

The other man couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Nikki, is that you? What kind of joke is this?!”

“Yeah. Look it might sound nuts but I’m a ghost. I’m dead and couldn’t pass through because I have unfinished business to solve.”

If looks could kill, well Nikki would have died again judging by how Vince was staring at him. He saw his face turning into an angry snarl before he started to yell.

“What the fuck, Sixx?! You die, leave us all alone and then you even have the courage to stay a fucking ghost! You fucking selfish prick!”

The bassist felt his blood boiling, well not literally but he got the same feeling as if he still had blood pumping in his body. How did Vince dare to say such things? He was the selfish prick, he was the one never caring and always causing trouble.  He was destroying the band!

“I’m a selfish prick?! I didn’t decide to fucking die! I put my heart and soul in the band and you kept destroying it. Now you want to accuse me? Fuck you!”

“You didn’t want to die? Oh well, what did you think would happen if you kept injecting that shit in your veins. We are fucking screwed now, without a bassist and ready to split up!”

Oh that was funny! Vince wanted to shame him, as Nikki was the only one drinking and fucking up with drugs. Oh sure Mick, Tommy and him could do anything but Nikki dares to shoot up, oh he’s a junkie! However he knew it was different, it wasn’t a simple way to party for him... He needed it to be alive. He had tons of pages written in his diaries that could be used as a proof.

“Oh because you’re such a saint, aren’t you Vinnie? I’m the bad one, I’m the one out of control. Well guess what?  The only person I hurt was myself, meanwhile we can’t say the same thing for you!”

It was a low blow, a terrible one and Nikki knew that. Rage blinded him, but that didn’t mean he had to dredge up the past, especially on something as horrible as Razzle’s death.

Good job Sikki, great way to get your friend to do what you want.

Vince’s face turned red, his fists clenched and got up to Nikki’s nose. He looked like he was about to punch him, but he had to realize it wasn’t going to happen since the bassist was not tangible, so he kicked a small table.

“You’re the only one who you hurt? What about the band, the fans, all those people you lied to and made suffer. Most importantly, what about Tommy, Nikki? How is he? Because it doesn’t look like he wasn’t hurt when you left him all alone, when you preferred shooting up instead of caring for him.”

Tommy. If he knew Vince’s weak point, the singer knew his too. It fucking hurt so bad, now he was the one wishing to be able to slap him.

“You don’t know a fuck about me or Tommy. Shut the fuck up!”

“Oh, I know all the times I saw him scanning the room around hoping to find you, all the times he looked heartbroken when you disappeared in the bathroom during rehearsal. I saw him after you destroyed him, how he still loved you even if you threw him away like trash. His two worst nightmares came true: you left him and you died. So tell me again Nikki, how did you just hurt yourself?

He wasn’t about to cry, even if he felt like a thousand legs were kicking his chest, he wasn’t about to give that fucker the satisfaction to see him crying ( he probably couldn’t even do that). But after the pain came the realization : he was there for Tommy. He was angry to forget that this wasn’t about him but about the drummer, and he probably ruined everything.

Now the hard part came : swallowing his pride down and convincing Vince. Oh, he would probably torment the bassist as slowly as he could, but eventually he had to accept.  Fuck, the two of them knew each other since high school!

“How’s Tommy?” His voice was so low, he doubted the singer heard him, but somehow he did.

“Oh, so now you want to know how he is?!” His voice was still loud and angry, but he must have seen the desperation on Nikki’s face, because he decided to answer anyway. “ He’s a mess. I just talked with him very briefly, he wanted to know if it was real. Then Doc fucking occupied this phone like it was his bitch, so I haven’t called him again, yet.”

This wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear, it wasn’t fucking reassuring at all… Fuck, literally anything could have happened, Tommy could have hurt himself or left the country and this was all because of him. He just hoped his family was going to be close to him, he was loved, they would have never left him alone. That was supposed to be his job too, but he failed.

He failed his sweet Tommy.

“Sixx, what are you thinking about?”

It was the moment. Even if his heart wasn’t beating, he still felt the oppressive pressure of anxiety.  He wanted to run but he had to do it.

Swallow your pride. You fucking owe it to Tommy.

“Vince, promise me that you’ll protect Tommy, no matter what.”

“What?” The blonde was visibly confused and how to blame him!

“You were right, I broke Tommy and he’s going to have such a hard time. He fucking loved me, even if I didn’t deserve it, and now I’m terrified he’s going to destroy himself. You can’t let that happen!”

“Nikki…”

“I fucking love him Vince. I still love him so much.  He deserves a good life, I can’t ruin him even in death. He needs support.”

“Why me? It’s not like Tommy and I are best friends.”

“Because both you and him have known each other for a long time, and when the band will keep playing there’s going to be you, him and Mick left. He would never tell his stuff to Mick and he has something else to do, which means that you have to do it.”

A dry laugh escaped from Vince’s mouth.

“What if he doesn’t want to get helped?”

“You know how to get what you want. You’ll find a way, I’d do it but I’m a little dead… look I know you hate me but I’m only asking this. Like I said to Mick, this is my dead man’s wish.”

“Okay.” The voice was so low and Nikki barely had the time to react before Vince disappeared in the kitchen.

All his insecurities came back to eat him alive. What was even the point of being a ghost if he still had feelings? The truth was that he wasn’t sure on how much Vince could help, sure having someone close to Tommy was good, but he knew his boyfriend and fuck if he was a stubborn fucker.

His boyfriend.

It was a dagger through his chest, yet it still felt warm like the first time Tommy called him that. His face always lit up whenever he said it. The drummer always made loving him seem like the easiest thing in the world, as it was even possible to love someone like Nikki.

But Tommy did and what did he get in return? A junkie boyfriend and eternal heartache, because the love of his life was dead now.

Vince came back with a beer and softer expression on his face. Nikki didn’t move from the couch so he sat back to where he was.

“I will do it. I’ll keep an eye on Tommy.” His firm voice eased Nikki’s worries a bit.

Fuck, he never expected to see Vince Neil agreeing with him.

“Thanks dude, I know you hate me but Tommy didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t hate you.” His voice was shocked and the bassist had to suppress a laugh.

Yeah sure Vince Neil, not hating Nikki Sixx.

“Oh c’mon, don’t tell me you weren’t happy to hear I was gone.”

“Fuck no. Nikki we might have fought a lot and you were a fucking pain in the ass, but I’d never want your death. I cried, you were still my band mate and brother!”

He wasn’t sure why this whole conversation was hitting him so hard.  It was probably because he didn’t know how to react to the simple act of someone caring for him beside Tommy. Especially when this someone was his singer.

But did they really hate each other as they thought they did? If the roles were reversed, would he be happy about his death?

“I felt the same. Ya know, when we thought you were dead in the car crash.”

Vince gave him a small sad smile.

“Maybe we can bury the hatchet. You don’t follow me for eternity and I won’t talk shit about you in interviews. Deal?”

“Deal.” Nikki smirked.

It’s time to go, Nikki.

The same sense of helplessness he felt before with Mick, came back. Because he could pretend everything was somehow normal, until the voice reminded him that this wasn’t his place. Even if in this case it was for the best for him to go, considering how awkward it felt for both of them to be so friendly with one another.

“Vince, I have to go now.”

The singer made an expression between sad and relieved, but maybe for the first time ever, it was genuine.

“Don’t be a stranger. Send us some bottles of Jack or some strippers from hell, okay?”

Nikki let out a chuckle. Since when he was laughing with Vince Neil?

“I’ll try my best. Vince, keep the promise.”

“He loves you. You should visit him, he deserves to say goodbye to you one last time.”

He knew that, he fucking knew that already! It didn’t matter how hard he was trying to avoid that, he was going to go to him anyway, not only because Tommy deserved it but because he was selfish.

He wanted to see him one last time too.

“I know. I’m going to go to his house next.”

Vince seemed happy and gave him a small smile. Nikki took a deep breath and got out of Neil's mansion, feeling every type of emotion.

God, now it was show time.

[xmalereader]

Thomas Shelby X Male Reader

—

|| Masterlist ||

—

Requested: Heya, can i request a thomas shelby one where the reader is new to the gang and Thomas starts getting feelings for him but tries to suppress it until they have to go on a dangerous mission and the reader gets hurt? Love your writings and hope you have a great day❤

Warnings: Language, blood, slight angst, some fluff, reader being sweet, Thomas being protective.

Tags: @ravnulfjohansen

—

—

“Protection?! We don’t need any bloody protection!” Ada shouts at Thomas, slamming her hand on the table as she glared at her older brother.

The Shelby’s were having a family meeting, lately things have been getting dangerous. Thomas has been making deals with other gangs and he may or may not have betrayed a few, so now he needs to focus on his family’s safety.

“Ada this is for your safety,” he glanced at Polly and then back at ada. “Polly will also have protection.”

Polly chokes out a laugh. “I’m sorry? I can protect myself Thomas, I don’t need protection.” She clarified, taking Sip from her drink as she frowns deeply.

Thomas sighs deeply as he rubs his temples. “He’ll only be following you and keeping a close eye, I trust this man and I know that he’ll complete this job.”

“Who is this man?” Said Polly with a raised brow.

Thomas gives her a look before sitting back in his chair, he knows that he shouldn’t have said anything. Not only is he trying to protect Polly and Ada but he’s also putting someone that he cares deeply for in danger.

“An old friend.” He simply says as he stands up from his chair and collects his cigars. “Tomorrow morning you’ll be meeting him here, he’ll be around to guard you two and he’ll report to me in case anything is to happen.” He explains to his sister and aunt who only huff in annoyance.

“Until tomorrow.” He repeats hismelf and leaves the room. He adjusted his cap and steps outside where he takes in a large inhale of fresh air.

“I wouldn’t really breath in this disgusting air, it could kill you.”

Thomas turns his head to face the source of the new voice, his lips slowly twitch up into a smile. “Y/n.” He says in a soft voice.

“Thomas.” The other replies as he approaches him and stands close to his side. His eyebrows raise as he examines Tommy’s face and hums. “I take it that your sister and aunt didn’t like the idea of me being around, huh?”

Tommy’s smile fades away into a frown. “No.”

Y/n lets out a deep sigh and rubs his hands together. “Don’t worry, I know they hate this idea but maybe I can get on their good side? It’s my job to protect your family, I promised you that I would.” He gives Thomas shoulder a pat, smiling widely at him.

Thomas could only stare at the younger man. He knows that y/n can protect his family but he’s mostly worried about him. The two have been friends for years and no one in his family knows about it! He was afraid of getting him involved with his family problems.

But he can’t refuse y/n when he needs his help.

“Why are you packing?” Thomas suddenly asks as he enters y/n’s flat, taking notice of the packing as y/n bites his lip nervously and moves around his room, grabbing small stuff and putting them inside his suitcase.

“Do you remember my job back at the post office?” He asks as Thomas nods, tossing his coat on the bed and taking a seat.

“Well, turns out that they didn’t need me anymore so they decided to fire me.” He explains his situation to Thomas who sat quietly on the bed. “I still had some money left to pay off for my room but I slowly started to run out, I’ve been looking for a new place and a new job for awhile now but I’ve gotten nothing!” His voice starts to raise. “I don’t have a choice but to move to the country side...I called my brother and he said that he had an extra room for me, told me that I could stay their until I find a job.”

“So, you’re leaving?” Said Thomas as y/n stops mid pack, turning to look at Thomas. He notices the sad look in his eyes, causing him to give off a small sad smile. “Tommy...” he approaches him and places a hand over Thomas’s bigger ones. “I can’t stay here, I can barley afford this place.” He whispers out.

“Stay with me, I have enough room back at my place.” Thomas suddenly says as y/n shakes his head. He didn’t want to be a bother and he defiantly didn’t want to surprise Tommy’s family with him being around. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You won’t be.” Thomas pulls him close, wrapping an arm around his waist as he pulls him onto his lap, causing a dark blush to appear on y/n cheeks. “Thomas, even if I stay with you—id still need to find a job.”

“I’ll give you a job.”

“W—what?” Y/n eyes widen.

“You know what I do and I trust you, I trust your loyalty and I know you’ll be perfect for it.” Thomas lies his head against his chest as y/n ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to be honest, I’m not really good with money.” He chuckled out tiredly as Thomas smiles against his chest. “You won’t be doing that.” He muffled out as y/n rasies a brow. “Then what will I be doing?”

Thomas lifts his head up. “You Can become my sister and aunts guard, keep them safe while I’m gone doing business.”

“Oh, Tommy I don’t—“

“I’ve seen you fight, you’ve taken down people twice your size and you know how to handle a gun.”

Y/n blushes a little and sighs deeply. “Fine, but I make my own rules.”

This causes Thomas smile to widen a bit more. “Deal.”

He remembers that night clearly, the two planning out everything in case anything bad was to happen. All y/n was suppose to do was keep a close eye on his aunt and sister and not get in the way of any of their little ‘activities’.

“Promise me you’ll be safe.” Said Thomas while y/n chuckles. “I can handle myself and a pair of girls Thomas! No need to get worried.” He gives Thomas a smile. “Things will be okay, I promise.”

But things were not okay.

The day that y/n was meant to guard the girls was the same day that a few of Tommy’s own men decided to betray him and use the girls as bait, but of course the first thing they had to do was get rid of the guard, which was y/n.

On that same day he actually got to know Polly and Ada a bit more and the two actually liked him in return. He was a stunning man and a caring one, he spoke softly to the two and offered to carry their things when they bought new stuff. He was a gentleman and the two adored it, they thought he was special since most men weren’t like that anymore.

The girls decided on having some tea outside the shop where they can enjoy their day while y/n stood next to the small table, smiling at the girls as he listens to them gossip about their family. “Thomas is always making us stay in the shop, do you know how frustrating it is having to deal with cranky men?” Said Ada To her aunt as she rolls her eyes and lights a cigar. “Men are always rude when it comes to betting.” She says in return.

Y/n chuckles to himself which catches pollys attention. She looks up at him and smiles, “of course not you y/n, your different.” She points out as y/n shakes his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” He quickly apolgizes but Polly waves her hand. “Dont apologize!” She says. “To be honest, I wonder why tommy chose you as our personal guard? He said that he trusts you.” She sits up in her chair, leaning forward as she rests her elbows in the tables. “Theirs something about you that tommy likes.”

Y/n feels himself grow anxious, both him and Thomas have been friends for years and the way they first met was very weird and childish, you could say but through out the years he’s grown to love tommy. But of course he couldn’t tell him that, he didn’t want to lose the friendship they had.

“Tommy’s a good friend...he helped me when I needed it the most and I’m greatful for that.” He’s quick to tell Polly. Hoping that she doesn’t figure out about his unrequited love.

Polly can only stare, letting out a puff of smoke as she grins and slowly sits back. “Whatever you say, darling.”

Y/n rasies a brow and tilts his head. What was that suppose to mean?

He opens his mouth to ask something but is cut off by a car approaching. He looks up to see Thomas and his brothers exiting the vehicle, his eyes scan the brothers and notices the hint of blood smeared in their clothes. Once his gaze turns to Thomas the two make eye contact, causing y/n to smile a little at Thomas. Glad that he’s okay.

Smiling at Thomas, he notices a strange man approaching them from behind. It causes him to squint his eyes a little, noticing the gun the man was holding as realization hits him. His eyes widen in fear as he takes a step forward.

“Thomas.” He calls out softly as the man raised his gun up and aims at tommy from behind.

Y/n has no time to process things as he sprints towards Thomas, grabbing him by the arm and shoving him to the side. Causing the other to stumble back as a gunshot is heard.

It takes Thomas a few seconds to notice y/n’s limp body in the ground. His fears becoming a reality. “Y/n...y/n?!” He shouts out in worry as he crawls to his side and slowly turns him on his side to see a gun wound on his shoulder. “Fuck!” He curses out in anger as he looks around.

His brothers were dealing with the man that shot him while Polly and Ada rush to side. “Oh my god.” Polly tries to take y/n from Thomas but he wasn’t letting go, he couldn’t.

“Thomas we need to lie him down and stop the bleeding, you have to let him go.” Said Ada as she stares at her older brother, noticing the fear in his eyes as she slowly pried him off y/n. “Finn has already called for an ambulance, they’ll be on their way.” She explains, using a part of her dress to apply pressure onto the wound.

Thomas can only stare in horror, “is he—is he breathing?” He asks, his voice shaking in fear. Ada takes notice of that as well and makes a quick check, “he’s still alive...but he needs a hospital quick or else he won’t make it.” She turns to her aunt and brother.

Polly looks anxious as she turns to Thomas only to see him sitting back, he was growing dizzy and faint. His vision was slowly going dark as he hears his aunts cries, feeling her hands on his shoulders as she tries to keep him up but that didn’t seem to work. “Y/n.” He looks over at his friends limp body as Ada begins to scream his name, trying to bring him back to reality but it was alreayd too late. His vision suddenly goes dark as he falls back on the floor.

“Tho—“

“Thoma—“

He can hear his name being called.

“Thomas!”

He’s quick to open his eyes, staring at his aunt who stood Over him. A drink in hand as she sighs in relief, “finally you’re awake.” She says as Thomas groans. He slowly sits up from the couch and asks. “Where’s y/n?” He remembers everything that happened today, all of the anxiety that he had suddenly comes rushing back.

Polly sits next to him and hands him the drink. “In the hospital, doctor said that he’ll be awake soon, Just needs time to rest and to heal.” She explains as tommy takes the drink from her and chugs the whole thing down.

Polly watches Thomas closely as she takes the empty glass from him and sets it down on the coffee table. “Y/n.” She suddenly says, catching Tommy’s attention. “That boy, he’s caring and loving.” She mumbles out. “He told me that you two were friends, but I know that’s a lie.” She slowly turns to give Thomas a look that he knew far too well.

“So tell me, what is y/n to you?”

Thomas can only look away, not wanting to answer his aunt but he knows that he’ll have to tell her how he really felt or else she’ll force it out of him. The two have been friends for as long as he can remember, the two helped each other out. Y/n taught him how to be free without having to fear, he taught him what love really was. He was their when Thomas needed someone and when he had breakdowns that no one else knew, He was special to him he’s—

“—my everything.” He randomly blurts out.

Pollys eyes soften as she stands up and collects her things. “Then you tell him that, he’s a sweet boy and I can tell that he means a lot to you, Thomas.” She approaches her nephews side and placed a hand in his cheek, stroking his cheek like a loving mother would. “When he wakes up, you tell him how you feel and be happy.” She whispers, placing a soft kiss on his head. “Now rest, will visit the hospital Tomorrow. I told John and Arthur to stand guard at the hospital in case anything were to happen.”

Tommy’s eyebrows knit together. “Do they know?” He asks Polly who shakes her head. “I doubt your brothers know a thing, hell they could barley figure out that Michael was their cousin when they first met him.” She says, a bit disappointed that her own nephews couldn’t recognizes their own cousin.

“Get some rest Tommy, I don’t want you out of this place until morning.” She warns with a pointer finger as tommy groans, leaning his head back, he was still worried for y/n and he wanted to see him and make sure that he was really okay.

“Thomas.”

He hears his aunts voice and looks up to see her with a soft look in her eyes. “He’ll be okay.” She says, Immediately knowing what he was thinking as she gives him one last smile and leaves the room.

[manjiroscum]

Hi Pat! How are you?

I wanted to get input from some of the reader insert writers on tumblr on something and I hope you can help.

So as a community that has fully adopted that trigger warnings are good and needed on writings that require them, I was wanting to know if you (as a writer) think it would be ok for me (the reader) to ask a writer to label a piece of theirs with a trigger warning of "fluff -> angst".

Let me give some context, I feel that it's kinda needed. So I'm the type of person who gets super invested in anything I read, especially reader insert since that's kind of the point. But sometimes its to my own detriment because I can ruminate on something for a long time that will affect me emotionally. Now while yes I fully agree that's my own personal issue and I need to police myself, I do. I refuse to read anything labeled "angst/pure angst/hurt no comfort", because I know emotionally it would affect me terribly. However, if it has fluff as a TW that typically alludes to angst being in the beginning or middle and fluff at the end, basically I will read angst so long as it has a happy ending; but I won't read pure angst for my own safety.

So I read a one-shot a few weeks ago with separate TW of fluff and angst and naturally assumed it was angst in the beginning and fluff at the end which is ok for me to read. But it wasn't, it was fluff in the beginning and angst at the end. As I said I read it weeks ago and I'm still hung up over it, and I know that if it was labeled "fluff -> angst" I wouldn't have read it. So I thought about asking the writer to relabel it because I doubt I'm the only person like this and it could be helpful for others but part of me also feels as if asking them is idk petty? Or I think the writer might be uncomfortable or feel attacked by my request. I just feel like asking for a relabel when they already have "angst" as a TW would be rude and labeling as "fluff -> angst" would reveal to readers the ending without having to read the whole thing.

So basically do you personally think it would be ok to request a writer to relabel a TW to read as "fluff -> angst"?

Hi anon! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

oooh and mhmm 🤔 if u ask me, especially in cases like yours, it would definitely be helpful to have the tags that may hint on such things. such a tags does exist after all in ao3 and i dont see why it shouldnt be integrated here when needed. it also helps if the angst degree is placed like would it be mild angst, just hints of it, or would it be heavy.

but the thing is, it usually depends on who is writing if they consider such content to be merely mild or heavy. cause it would def vary from person to person. one might see it would just be light angst, but for others it is def a big deal of some sorts. it'll def be a challenge, that i can say.

and now on the topic of asking the writer to place the tag. perhaps if you ask them nicely, im sure they will cater to your request. however, as u pointed out, the element of surprise might be compromised or the tag "angst" is already there, so that is indeed a hurdle in this endeavor. i guess it'll def be up to the writer to label it, because i've seen most write such stuff and say in the tags that there won't be a happy ending at all or it is an open end but leaning more onto a sad aspect of it.

in short i'm sure there won't be a harm in requesting, just ask nicely. plus i'm sure the author isn't aware or hasn't seen this side of the spectrum. it's no one's fault tho. even i myself have to ask a couple of people if i should put certain stuff in the tags because i'm unsure. i guess it'll be nice to help out one another, like consumer to the producer. like a feedback bc im sure there are readers like you out there who have experienced this too. but if the writer doesn't feel comfortable in doing so, then we should respect that.

i do hope i gave u a good answer 😭

[shortprince-cos]

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: Tune in this week for Virgil thinking this is all a coincidence! And some Logicality pining. As a treat.

Warnings: Swearing, not having much money(?). I think thats about it? Tell me if I need to add anything else!

{Masterlist} {Previous}

Thanks to @irritating-lady-knight for beta reading this for me!!!

Chapter 5: Maybe This Is Fine?

~~~~~

Princey's date was called off?! How?! Who on earth wouldn't like him?! Virgil was furious, who the f**k says that they don't like someone until after they accept the date?!

...wait.

Virgil was such a hypocrite.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: what?! What happened?! Who do i need to murder

princeofyourdreams: no one, im fine. he was just too nervous to say anything

Virgil wished he didn't relate so much to mystery guy, then maybe he would want to punch him.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: well, are u ok?

princeofyourdreams: of course i am! I can conquer any challenge! Dont worry about me!

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: are u sure?

princeofyourdreams: seriously, anxiety, im ok. One disinterested boy isnt going to ruin me.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: ok, good. Hes obviously not good enough for you anyway

princeofyourdreams: shut up haha

Well, Princey seemed to be doing ok. And maybe Virgil was a tad more excited then he should be, but can you blame him? He's had a crush on Princey for a year, and he might actually have a chance now!

Well, as much of a chance you could have when you've never even seen each other.

Now all Virgil had to do was go on this not-a-date date and live. Yay.

---

"Ok, now if you run out of money, ask him to pay for you."

"Dad!" Virgil scolded. "I'm not going to leech off my friends!"

Remy just chuckled. "C'mon Virge, live a little! It's not everyday you actually step outside. With a couple of boys no less."

Virgil turned red. "It's a friend date, Dad." He grumbled.

Remy turned to where Virgil was in the passenger seat and tilted down his shades to look him in the eyes. "Sure it is."

Virgil grumbled something as Remy pulled the car in front of the mall. "Here's your stop, babe."

Virgil rolled his eyes as his mouth betrayed him by smiling. "Whatever, I'll see you later."

"Love you." Remy added while Virgil stepped out of the car.

"Love you too, Dad."

Virgil eventually made his way over to the food court, where everyone was meeting.

Virgil was also questioning why he suggested this hang-out anyway. It was going to be so awkward! How was he going to have a good time with the guy he rejected, a nerd who could probably kill him, and a "friend" he only started talking to two days ago?

Why did he do this?

"Viiiiiirrrrrrrgiiiiiiiiiilllllllll!!!!!" Patton was suddenly running towards where Virgil was standing in the food court.

"Uh- wait-" Virgil got trapped in a bear hug (how? Patton is so small!) as soon as Patton reached him.

"Patton, try not to kill the poor fellow." Roman chuckled as he walked up to the trap that Virgil was caught in.

Patton eventually let Virgil breathe as he let go. "Sorry! I just got excited! I don't normally go many places!" He exclaimed.

"Well, we'll have to take you to more places then, Patton." Logan smirked as he approached the small group.

Roman chuckled again as Patton blushed and silently thanked him. "Well then!" Roman announced. "Where shall we go first?"

"Hot To-"

"No, Pumpkin King, we're not going to Hot Topic." Roman immediately interrupted.

"Then why did I even come?" Virgil whined playfully.

"C'mon, Roman! Hot Topic does have some really good Disney stuff~" Patton pushed in a teasing tone.

Roman let out a long, exaggerated groan. "Fiiiiiinnnnnneeeee. We can go."

"Yes!"

"Yay!"

"Satisfactory."

"Wow. Y'all are a bunch of nerds." Said Roman.

"Says the guy who cried when they changed Mickey Mouse's art style." Logan shot back.

"ListEN IT LOOKS LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP AND ISN'T TRUE TO THE ORIGINAL!"

"Roman, please, I don't want to spend twenty minutes talking about-"

Roman quickly pulled out his phone and displayed two Mickey Mouse pictures with different art styles. "Look, Logan. Look at how they massacred my boy."

---

And after that debate, they made their way to the dark and ridiculously edgy Hot Topic, unfortunately located next to the very bright and pink Justice store.

"I must go, my people need me." Virgil joked as he walked through the doorway.

"Of course this is where your people are, where else could you find the emos?" Roman rolled his eyes playfully.

"Oh, do you know people here, Virgil?" Logan asked innocently, clearly not understanding the joke.

"No- it's- it's a meme."

"Don't even try, Angstintator, no one could ever teach Logan the way of memes." Roman announced, slowly drifting towards the Disney section.

"Well, they are nonsensical. They make zero sense most of the time!" Logan defended.

Patton suddenly gasped like a little kid in a candy store. "Vi, Ro, Lo, look!!!!!!"

They all looked to where Patton was pointing, and saw it.

They holy grail of cute things. Something that could almost (almost) rival Patton himself.

A Pusheen plush that was holding a cookie. It was beautiful (to Patton at least).

Patton squealed and grabbed the closest person (which happened to be Logan) and held his hand while dragging him towards the plush in excitement.

Logan immediately flushed and trailed after Patton helplessly.

Roman chuckled at that and returned to looking at the Disney merchandise, while Virgil made his way over to the band t-shirts.

"Look!!! Look at it!!!! It's so cuuuutttteeee!!!!!!" Patton fawned. He checked the tag for the price and immediately frowned. "Shoot..." He mumbled under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, then checked the price. $39.98. Not too expensive, but expensive enough to be a pain.

"Ah. Not bring enough money?" Patton slowly nodded at the question, looking...guilty? Or maybe disappointed? Logan didn't really know, only that it was making Patton upset.

Logan frowned at that. Someone as bright and kind as Patton shouldn't be unhappy! Patton deserved to be happy at least 100% of the time, Logan thought.

"Logan!!! Come here!!! Look at this!" Roman called from behind a shelf somewhere, knocking Logan out of his thoughts.

"Uh- excuse me for a second Patton." Patton nodded with a small (was it sad, too?) smile as Logan went to find Roman.

Roman was located behind a shelf filled with more Disney merchandise. "What, Roman? I was kind of busy." He asked, clearly annoyed.

"Yeah, busy failing at wooing him." Roman rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Seriously Logan, how could you be so dense?"

"Do you want me to provide a list of examples and events that you were being 'dense' at?"

Roman simply groaned. "C'mon Logan, think for a second! Patton doesn't have enough money for the plush that makes him smile. A smile which you love seeing. Therefore, what do you do with that fat wallet of yours?"

It suddenly clicked in Logan's head. "Oh. Oh! Do you think he'll be happy about it?"

"Of course he will! He'll adore you!" Roman pushed Logan out from behind the shelf. "Now go gettem!"

Meanwhile, Patton was talking with Virgil.

"Hey, Virge! Did you find anything?"

All Virgil had to do to answer the question was look at Patton with the pile of shirts in his arms.

"Uh. Yeah." Virgil replied, thinking of how embarrassing this was.

Patton giggled a bit. "Do you need help carrying that?"

"Please." Virgil sighed.

Patton took some of the shirts and other clothing items (were those fishnets?!) out of Virgil's hands.

"So, are you doing ok?" Patton asked.

"O-oh. Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just worried about...if Roman is. Like, what if he's mad at me? I bet thats what he and Logan are talking about right now-"

"Slow down, Virgil." Patton interrupted. "I'm sure they aren't, and I really doubt that Roman's mad at you. If he was mad, he seems like the type to show it."

"That's...probably right." Virgil mumbled.

"Just calm down a bit, and have some fun! You are having fun, aren't you?"

Virgil smiled lightly. "Yeah. I am."

Patton smiled too. "Then let's go have more fun!"

And with that, Patton grabbed Virgil's hand and dragged him to the next shelf, looking through more cute things.

~~~~~

{Next}

Dear all of the people who thought Virgil would figure it out this chapter,

HA! Y'all thought WRONG! Virgil and Roman share the same brain cell, but neither of them use it!

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖