#wasn't my main point of focus i must admit

[heavyheavycream]

[whitetrashjj]

hi! so i've recently finished the 100 very late i know and ahh! i've gotten to love bob and eliza as well after watching interviews of them im so happy theyre married they look so in love (i say this like i didnt spend the last 3 weeks of my life obsessing over them LMAO) and i was rly surprised to see that they kept denying hating the romantic bellarke agenda? especially in the earlier seasons, but it was SO obvious, to me at least, that they were the main ship of the show... i scoured the internet for reasons why but all i could get was that the fandom hates jroth and the fandom would like to bury jroth alive SDJHFDSHJ but yeah! still rly curious and ik you were actively in the fandom during the time so if you could just briefly explain i would be vvvvv grateful

Okay... I'm gonna try and give a bit of a run down of the history of beliza and bellarke and jroth and clexa and how that all influenced things. Keep in mind I wasn't in the fandom from the start so the beginning is second hand recounts.

Okay so from the start bellarke was obviously intended, they were canon in the books but clearly with the Finn thing and everything else they were going for a more slow burn kinda vibe which was good obviously. Now this is where the bellarke denial started, but it was more casual there. Like a playfull not trying to give away the slow burn or surprise (this is very typical for slow burn ships and that's why I love the Pates for how they are handling jiara). So all was well in the house.

At this point Bob and Eliza were really good friends so that wasn't a problem. At one point apparently Devon kinda let it slip that they were actually in a fwb kinda situation at some point during the early season. I never saw first hand proof of this but it was a known fact amongst the fandom and I find likely given where they ended up.

Now, I'm not 100% on the order of event here but the following happened over s2/s3. Two major things that changed the fate and reception of bellarke forever.

The first being clexa. Now, from a story telling pov clexa was never going to last and Lexa's fate was always sealed. But I'm not going to go too much into that whole thing. But obviously there was alot of hype around Lexa and that ship. Which Jason loved, that man is driven by ego and having thousands of people up his ass fuel him. So he shifted his focus to them, knowing full well he was going to kill Lexa. And then when the backlash hit he kept pandering to them - putting little Lexa mentions in to keep the viewer ship, to keep people talking about his show. And by result of this the bellarke denial came in strong and their romantic development or story like was put on hold.

Now meanwhile it seems beliza had a falling out, Bob started dating his long term gf Aryn and they would not attend cons together. Also time to double down on the bellarke denial. Only this time it was legit (not that bellarke wasn't happening or intended, but they didn't like it and didn't want it to happen) we got the infamous 'bellake shit' quote from Eliza, which she insisted she actually said 'ship', even tweeted it (has since then once happily married admitted that she said shit lol) And yeah while we were still getting the on screen hints it seemed no one was rooting for it personally.

Then. The tide turns. Bob and Aryn has broken up. And we hear an announcement. Bob and Eliza are going to a con together?? Wait. what? And this con. Let me tell you. Changed the world. They were best friends again. Now, I am not an irl people shipper, there have been very few that I have seen and speculated before they were together and these two were one. I can't remember exactly why but there was something in the air before that and I was sus. And then there were a few things, like Eliza was saying how her favourite song was Ophelia and then she turns to Bob and says 'you must be so sick of hearing it i play it so much' and I was hmm because are they spending that much time together? Bob was wearing a bunch of mardigras necklaces and when Eliza said she wanted one and a fan overheard bob saying to her something 'you'll have to give me something later for one' and then after break Eliza had some ??? Which people freaked out about but not enough in my opinion. And then the fact that (actually this might have been a later con my timeline is messy its been a while) Eliza was wearing an engagement ring and straight up told people she was engaged when they asked. People assumed it was to the guy who play mccrery because there was rumours of them dating but they hadn't been seen together in ages.

And then most importantly they were now pro-bellarke. Talking excitedly about the scenes. Saying themselves are sometimes confused because the script will saying something like 'bellamy looks at her lovingly.' but then Jroth continues to deny things. they weren't to the level of it now but they were for sure making it clear that jroth was gaslighting a fandom lol.

Anyway moving on to one quite morning, I hadn't touch social media all morning as it did laundry and when I finally take a break the fandom is imploding - thankfully I had only missed it by like 15minutes. But Bob and Eliza has both tweeted that they had gotten married with a pic of their hands on their wedding day. Now I instantly believed it - oh yeah it's all coming together. But there was all this shock because it seemingly came out of no where. People thought they had been hacked, and then other cast would congratulate them and then they were hacked. Certain people were saying its a cover because Eliza and Alycia actually got married, and other were saying Bob and Eliza were homophobic for getting married during pride month. But at the end of the day it was all true, there were married and it was happily ever after.

But for some reason this seemed to piss off JRoth and he seemed to get so much worse. At one point during the filming of season 7 i think (i get confused about later seasons it could have been 6 or 8) Bob and Jason unfollowed each other and we though it was hilarious until we realised what it could have meant. Recently beliza revealed that the bellarke get together was actually written, in a place that so many people has speculated and it would have made sense but at the last minute it was taken out.

It seemed like Jason didn't like the beliza was together, he was having more and more issues with Bob and Jason just didn't do bellarke out of spite. Did that stupid murder out of spite and gave a pandering ending for clexas out of spite.

Once the show was over beliza have been very open about how bellarke was always planned from the beginning and they don't understand why it never happened.

Any way I've been out of it for a while so I'm a bit foggy on the detail these days but that's the guts of it. Anyone is free to add

[displacer-beasts]

Seeing as you're a fellow Lorath x Wanderer Appreciator, I would like to see your rogue 😌😌😌

*vibrates wildly* yes let me show you my boy

This is my rogue Nico (please ignore the patchy hair - Diablo on PS4 does not render short hair or stubble well at all 😭)

This is the main armor set he uses now while traveling around Sanctuary. (Gotta hide his face since Prava and the Church are now hunting him)

Or this one when he's hunting people for the Tree of Whispers

I'm still developing his backstory but I have some notes:

He was born in Westmarch, years after the events of RoS and the land is still a lawless hellscape

His parents were killed and he would have died too if he had not been taken in by a nomadic druid tribe

(This is bc i love making connections between my characters, so I made my druid Kashira is his adopted sister)

He was very sickly as a child and only survived due to the druids caring for him and not giving up on him

(this is part of why he loathes Elias's and Lilith's whole 'the weak must perish and only only the strong survive for the coming battles against Hell')

He followed Kashira across the sea to support her in her quest to cleanse Túl Dúlra. While she worked with the local druids, he traveled around offering his services as a mercenary for hire. That's when he ended up in Nevesk and the whole 'blood of Lilith' thing happened.

I like to imagine he met Lorath before the events in game, and that the YouTube short videos where Lorath narrates the history of Diablo lore to a wandering stranger are their initial conversations. (To note - Nico is not a scholar but he was instantly fascinated by this old man and his sexy voice and made a point to return there to speak with him again)

His nickname when he was growing up was 'little wolf' and he's always loved wolves as a result. He's got mixed feelings now due to Mephisto

He learned how to fight with swords/daggers by a member of the tribe. (She wasn't a druid herself but married to one) Nico used to wonder if she used to be a member of the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye but she never admitted one way or the other

(this is my HC since I use Inner Sight talent 100% of the time but he can't be an actual sister)

Bonus:

Here is my druid Kashira! The image is really fuzzy because the camera focus is actually on Taissa (cropped out, behind her) but it's also the only photo I have of her since I forgot to take pictures during the campaign 😔

[unknownfortuna]

Book of the Day

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

"I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living."

My last year has been full of ups and downs, including facing my biggest fears I never knew I had (The 12th house profection year can kindly go fuck itself T.T). This book articulated what I learned in the last 24 years of my life and wrapped it up in a short 166 page journey. What struck me the most was the main character being described as a shepherd which effectively put the focus on the character. Much like my early 20's, I realized I was a wanderer who could no longer blame my family for the maladaptive coping mechanisms I had acquired. I became my own support system and whatever failure's/successes I acquired would be under my name. Much like Santiago, I had to learn and unlearn the limitations I thought I had because the truth is, I may not have put them there, but it was my job to remove them in order to realize my Personal Legend. The humor in this book was incredibly subtle and I enjoyed it due to the fact it closely emulated how funny life is. From the Gypsy character to the alchemist simply repeating what Santiago already knew is something each of us do. We constantly seek reassurance of whether or not what we are doing is 'right' without realizing no one can give you guidance because each of us are on our own personal journey. Some may be following it while proudly admitting the mistakes they have made, while other's sit back and judge them too afraid to be made a fool of. I won't give any spoiler's other than my favorite quotes from the book and this sentiment: Wherever you are is where you're supposed to be, and even though you may be struggling it will be part of the foundation that builds you, so keep going my little shepherd's:)

"He had noticed that, as soon as he awoke, most of his animals also began to stir. I was as if some mysterious energy bound his life to that of the sheep, with whom he had spent the past two years, leading through the countryside in search of food and water." Pg 4

"'What's the world's greatest lie?' the boy asked...'that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie." Pg 18

"'It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is....But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.'" Pg 21

"'Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you' said the wisest of wise men. ' The secret to happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never forget the drops of oil in the spoon.'...He understood the story the old king had told him. A shepherd may like to travel, but he should never forget about his sheep." Pg 32

"'You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn't true love...'" Pg 120

"'But my heart is agitated,' the boy said. 'It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it's become passionate over a woman of the desert...' 'You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow'... He came to understand it's dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear..." Pg 128-129

[asathorin]

I'm seeing mysterious lotus casebook being hyped so much because it's queer coded and so similar yet so different to nirvana in fire (which I love) and it's even rated 9.0 on mdl?

Don't get me wrong, I loved it, Rain Wang/Wang Herun was so good as the saintess, the main trio was amazing, choreography also was on point

However I do feel its been a bit overhyped and overrated and it has plenty of room for improvement so this post will focus on the negative points of what was a great c drama

(mild spoilers ahead, read at your own risk but this post is late so most of you might have seen it already?)

One of the things I (and my sister who I watched it with) really disliked was how the saintess got people to do things for her purely because she's hot? Like I get it fits the unrealistic and exaggerated nature of the wuxia genre but also? It's just a terrible trope? Maybe I'm biased because ace spec but it feels so cheap and wrong? It just doesn't make sense to me at all

Another thing was the entire character of Di Feisheng was so slept on? His personality and motivations were explored only on a surface level and despite his and Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi's relationship dynamics being arguably the most interesting it was pushed aside in favour on focusing on the relationship between Fang Duobing and Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi (which I must admit I loved their dynamic but still)

I also felt the characters of Qiao Wanmian and Xiao Zijin were boring and off putting, I felt the way they were written was so horribly predictable and unoriginal, like of course girl can't properly get over the MC despite it being 10 years? And of course the 'love rival' of the MC has to be a bad guy? Ugh

And then to the plot - the murder cases were interesting but didn't invite the audience to join in at all as Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi always spouts out another random obscure martial art technique that does weird things to put the pieces together, also the entire treasure hunt type thing didn't exactly help the plot stand out from any other wuxia

The main villains were again one dimensional and not given the chance for development, the saintess in particular I disliked at the start because it seemed it was all out of her 'love' (obsession) with Di Feisheng (may I mention no reason is given for the obsession part? she's just crazy for no reason?), although she got better when she became power hungry as well so at least it's not her only motive?

Also I do wish we got to see more of the trio found family dynamics and more of how the trio as a whole develops but that might just be because I'm a sucker for the found family trope?

Anyway for these reasons I feel like it wasn't exactly deserving of all the hype I felt it was getting, maybe an 8.5 on mdl fits better? Of course this is just my personal subjective opinion so yeah

Feel free to ask me any questions :)

[tuliharja]

BLEACH: Thousand-Year Blood War - The Separation episode 9 review

And after a week's break, the anime is back~. And we're continuing right where we left off.

Good thing Ichigo and the company bounced back to the action after Uryuu joined Yhwach and Jugram. It was a quick and shift moment, but I get a feeling it was mostly thanks to Chad's reassurance. Of course, Orihime too helped, but I feel like Chad got that small spotlight to be Ichigo's main support this time around which felt just nice.

It was also interesting to see shinigami picking themselves after that blast Yhwach and company left because in the manga there wasn't such a scene.

I must admit I was genuinely surprised we saw Iba and Komamura. That was just a nice addition the anime team made, along with Byakuya surrounded by the Quincies and Renji protecting Rukia from that blast. Little additions like those really add to things in the long run as those explain what happened to other characters when something was going on. Sure, it's nice to see the main gang in action and follow them, but it just gives this feeling of many characters and stories, when there are little bits like these in anime (and manga).

Lol! Renji talking smack about Bazz-B. xD Just for Bazz-B to compliment Renji. That was an adorable moment, even though Renji ended up pissing off Bazz-B with his chicken comment...like yes. It's nice chickens lay eggs and all, but I'm not sure if a guy would like such a compliment. Poor Bazz-B. His Burner Finger Four was very cool. Reminded me again just how good the animation is in Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War ~.

Oh, so they really went for that scene with Yumichika revealing Giselle isn't biologically a girl, huh? It really wasn't that clever way of Yumichika wanting to make more accurate points of Giselle. (And before anyone asks, yes, in the original TV-broadcast Yumichika uses the lines he uses in the manga. [Making that scene just tacky -at least from my mind.] In the international version they've censored that line and also Giselle's one line as far as I'm aware.) But I suppose they just wanted that scene to be added, because...I'm not sure. I don't think anyone would have minded if that scene had been fully scrapped, because what would have mattered in the end if we wouldn't have been sure of Giselle's biological gender? Giselle identifies herself as a girl, so it should have been fine. But I suppose for some reason or another, they just wanted to push that little niche fact about Giselle. At least they tried their best with that scene. That's all that I'll write about it.

Now moving on~. To be honest, I was dreading this part of the anime because zombies are a big nope to me. Luckily the zombies in this didn't look as bad as those could, otherwise, I would have had to skip quite a lot of content from this episode, as it centered around quite heavily around zombies.

I'm kind of glad Yoruichi was introduced in such a neutral manner, unlike in the manga. Now the focus was on the task of 'how to get Ichigo, Orihime, and Chad to Soul King's palace?' Kisuke's explanation was interesting and I'm glad we learned what Yoruichi was up to, since up until now we hadn't seen her! Not to mention what exactly was Hiyori's, Lisa's, and Hachigen's task at the World of the Living. This all actually made me question if Kisuke (and Mayuri) did foresee Yhwach going to the Royal Palace and if they allowed such a thing to happen on purpose. Because now remember, Kyoraku all but hinted Ichibe allowed on purpose such a thing to occur...is there a secret scheme going on or what? Because that all seemed like such a big mishap, I wouldn't say all was just 'pure coincidence'.

Seeing Yumichika and Ikkaku fighting against zombie Bambietta was very nice. They really work very well together and I believe before this we hadn't really seen them fighting together. At least I can't recall such an event as usually, they would work separately I recall Ikkaku insisted on fighting alone against his own opponent and Yumichika felt shamed for his kido skills. But this time around, it seemed like they had managed to solve such issues and worked together quite well. Too bad their fight against Bambietta was a short one. But it was nice to see sunflower!Mayuri enters the stage~.

Mayuri going against Bambietta and Giselle looked visually very cool. Though when Giselle brought her Gotei Thirteen zombies, I almost snorted when Mayuri explained he wouldn't be able to go against them because of the 'goodness of his heart'. Yeah, like he hadn't previously in his life killed many of his subordinates. Not at all! ...but in all seriousness, I think he just wanted to flaunt his own zombies to Giselle. (And yes, just moments later when Mayuri told off both Ikkaku and Yumichika, proved he is still the same old Mayuri. Now with more facts under his belt that he can use against other people to do what he wants, though.) A good way to bring out already dead characters.

I must admit, zombified Toshiro wearing a Wandenreich outfit suited somehow extremely well to him. I still feel sorry for him, though. The fact he turned into a zombie and now has to go against his allies...not good at all. But we all will see more about that in next week's episode as the whole zombie thing is still far from over! (Again, I'm happy the zombies don't look like typical ones.)

[crusherthedoctor]

6, 12, 22, 23 :P

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Not really.

…Yep, that was a quick one.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?

If we're talking characters specifically, then I support Sonic and Tails having a disagreement that furthers the plot, as attempted in Lost World. Obviously it wasn't handled as well as it could have been there, but the idea on its own is reasonable to me, particularly if both sides have a point rather than it being purely in Sonic's favor just because he's Sonic, and as long as it's not wildly exaggerated to the point of a House of Cards-style affair where they're both acting like dickheads.

If we're talking story concepts in general, then I really like the idea of Solaris, since whether it was intentional or no, it sets itself up well as a unique parallel to Chaos in more ways than one. Unfortunately, they had to separate it into two less interesting halves with shittier designs, and gave them the lion's share of plot focus.

22. Popular character you hate?

*rolls out the list*

Let's see… Scourge, Surge, Kit, Mephiles, Mimic, Clutch, Rough and Tumble, Belle, Chip, Eggman Nega, Eclipse, most of the Archie cast in general, post-Flynning Starline… is it too early to add Eggette Sage?

For the longest time, I used to heavily dislike Sonic himself, because for all the praise he received for being the most awesome guy ever until Big Bad Pontaff came along and allegedly ruined him, he ALWAYS came off to me as obnoxious a lot more times than intended. While I've warmed up to him since then, in part due to portrayals like IDW, SatAM and Fleetway making me appreciate how better off Game Sonic is by comparison, and in part due to figuratively spending so much time in his head via the fanfic writing process, I'll admit that he still annoys me on occasion, like in Frontiers.

I also used to not care all that much for Shadow, since the dark rival archetype normally fails to interest me, combined with the preferential treatment he received in the mid-00s. Nowadays, while he's still not one of my favourites per say, I like him a lot more after taking note of how he manages to avoid most of the cliches that I associate with said archetype. (For just one example, Shadow is mostly reserved and polite, whereas other such characters tend to be overly hot-blooded and full of unwarranted bluster.) And the memes involving him are always fun too.

Then there's Silver. Hate is too strong a word in this case, but out of all the main recurring cast members, he's the one I'm the most utterly apathetic to, whether it's his Shadow Lite portrayal in most of the games, or his Steven Universe-itis portrayal everywhere else. His gimmick of saving the future from Cataclysmic Event #47 has also gotten old, and we all know how I feel about Blaze being reduced to his sidekick for most of her post-Rush screentime. If they stopped using Silver for whatever reason, I'd feel bad for his fans, but I wouldn't exactly be shedding tears personally.

And finally, while I normally try my best to not have my opinion on a character be influenced too much by fandom perception of them alone, since I realise it's not entirely fair… I must admit that I have grown completely sick of the Freedom Fighters after all the overblown fandom wanking they've received since Archie got bumped. Over the last couple of years, it's proven impossible to go a month without something like #Rally4Sally rearing its head, or another attempt by Flynn to directly or indirectly shoehorn them into everything he touches ("REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE TO DULCY"). By the time it became clear just how much of IDW was already recycled from Archie, my patience reached its absolute limit.

The Freedom Fighters themselves may not be the worst characters ever (well, most of them), but I will never understand what makes them so special. And half of them were redundant from the very beginning anyway.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Eggman when he's in-character.

Rouge when she's in-character.

Amy when she's… alright, you get the joke, I'll come up with a serious answer.

Do the Hard-Boiled Heavies count? Sure, they got a lot of praise and fanart when Mania was new, but it feels like they've been left in the dust since then, and outside of that one IDW comic that I'd like to forget, they've barely been used for anything… Well, I always appreciate a quirky miniboss squad when the personalities involved are properly endearing instead of annoying, so I'll always love these guys, and despite all of them being roly-poly Egg Robos, their animations in Mania managed to convey a lot of character, without dialogue, that some characters in this franchise have struggled to match with dialogue.

Another one is Marine. It's mostly calmed down now, but back when Rush Adventure came out, everyone seemed to have a rabid hateboner for her, to the point where it felt like her only purpose in Archie was to be treated like shit. And for what? For overestimating her capabilities? She's still young, and she clearly developed some maturity and genuine skills towards the end anyway. Because she supposedly didn't do anything? That's not even true, but whatever. Because of her stereotypical Australian lingo? As someone who grew up listening to Dingodile and the entire cast of TY the Tasmanian Tiger, this had absolutely no effect on me. I already developed an immunity. All I thought when I read her dialogue was "Ha ha, just like one of my favourite Crash characters. B)"

How about Erazor Djinn? He's another one that's less hated and more just ignored period. Even among fans who love Secret Rings, only some of them like @greenyvertekins bother to actually acknowledge him. As someone who is not exactly a Secret Rings connoisseur, I nonetheless declare that Erazor is without question one of the best non-Eggman villains we've ever had… the hairdo's a bit goofy though, but genies do tend to have them like that, so touche.

Black Doom is the Best Bad Villain. Whereas other villains like him have made me nothing but grumpy, Doom's combination of Dr. Claw voice, Chinese bootleg Wizeman design, cartoonish levels of in-game contradictions (how the fuck can I progress if I DON'T kill your troops?), and even some genuinely intriguing quirks here and there (like not knowing what lightning is), has made it simply impossible for me to hate him. It helps that he never gained a disproportionate fandom like Mephiles did, as unlike Mephiles, Doom tends to be rightly acknowledged as the unintentional comedy goldmine that he is.

[becomingpart2]

oh she HATED magnus from shadowhunters lmao. one of the main reasons she started the Tobin theory was to prove that malec would be a failed ship (along with proving that klaroline was the main ship of tvd and thus caroline the main female character). it must have killed her that they were not only endgame but MARRIED endgame. basically her argument was that malec was a Ted/ prop ship (all women are divided into three categories, robins, tracys, and props, and i guess she didn’t care how racist it was to call a gay moc a “prop”), and thus was doomed to fail. basically her analysis of shadowhunters was that jace/clary was the pilot tobin, but jace/clary flopped and Alec was the late ted (and she hated clary of course). initially she seemed to be leaning into the idea that jace (a white man) was alec’s robin, but then she moved away from that and started saying that he hadn’t met his robin yet and that the show was failing because of a lack of Tobin. anyways she hated Magnus and insisted that the malec ship was bringing Alec down, and that it was horrible of the show to “force” Alec to be with a man who wasn’t his robin. she was literally saying shit like “save Alec from Magnus” it was genuinely disgusting. anyways malec was by far the most popular ship on the show, far more popular than the main pairing jace/clary, so i don’t get why they weren’t Tobin in her eyes idk.

OMG what a mess 😂 so many layers and holes, where to even start...

First off, I didn't know men could be robins? LOL was this a momentary lapse or was it part of her theory?

basically her argument was that malec was a Ted/ prop ship

I remember very little from her shadowhunters posts because I only paid attention to the TVD ones but from my understanding the reason this ship was a "prop" ship was because Magnus was being "used" as a prop for Alec, right?

And her as someone obviously "concerned" about the treatment of a gay man of color being used as prop for a white man could never ship something like that. So, again, her solution was to root for a "rival" white ship instead? lmao WHAT A JOKE, candyumbrella.

There's so many points to this. The first more obvious one is that for all that she condemned fandom for "concern-trolling", here she was faking concern about the treatment of this character (who was part of an incredibly popular ship of which she created a conspiracy theory to explain said popularity) to disguise the fact she just wanted her white ship instead. She couldn't just admit she liked the white ship more, oh no! Her dislike for the pairing had to come in the form of "concern for character of color" narrative lmao talk about hypocrisy!

The second point is that her fake concern is evident by the fact that she doesn't seem to care about the character of color that's supposedly being used as prop, he's not even her focus, the white character is. If she cared about characters of color not being used as a prop, she could be spending that energy into ships that involved them where they weren't... used as props lol

The third point is that steroline wasn't the Tobin and yet it didn't seem to bother her like this. In fact she enjoyed it quite a lot, so what was the reason? Was she less threatened by steroline than malec? LOL

If she could enjoy steroline for what it did for Caroline, why couldn't she enjoy malec for Magnus? You know, the supposedly "wronged" characters here.

(the obvious answer is that she didn't care for magnus like she cared about caroline lol)

but then she moved away from that and started saying that he hadn’t met his robin yet and that the show was failing because of a lack of Tobin

See, I've seen other posts where this is brought up too. That she used to say that a show without a tobin was destined to fail because the tobin is what makes them "tv magic" (lol I hated these terms). Then I remember how she said Breaking Bad and other shows like Mad Men didn't have a tobin. So??? How did she explain that? What's the truth?? lol

she hated Magnus and insisted that the malec ship was bringing Alec down, and that it was horrible of the show to “force” Alec to be with a man who wasn’t his robin

Lol, again, steroline didn't bother her as much. She probably found steroline empowering for Caroline, who had been so wronged in the past (despite the fact that Stefan would probably never love her like he did Elena, but of course that was not part of her Robin Caroline narrative so she couldn't acknowledge that lol).

Wouldn't it be empowering for magnus, the "wronged" character in the ship, to make the ted have to accept him and be with him? Wouldn't that be revolutionary like her favorite white side characters getting to be robins, if not more? Was that degrading ted? If so, to whom was it degrading?

she was literally saying shit like “save Alec from Magnus” it was genuinely disgusting

OMG! So this she wasn't afraid to say. Disguting indeed.

anyways malec was by far the most popular ship on the show, far more popular than the main pairing jace/clary, so i don’t get why they weren’t Tobin in her eyes idk.

I think this was a DE situation; she just refused to believe they could be because she didn't like it. Because she didn't want them to be even though they were by her own definitions lol. So she made up a bunch of conspiracy theories in her head to explain why fans that liked those ships were wrong and why she was right for not liking them.

[1nfine77]

Shifting Diary - 1 (11/12/23)

Thought I'd start one of these. Not starting off at the absolute best point in time, I must admit, but... Here we go.

(Below the cut so it's not hell to scroll through.)

Put on a shifting subliminal last night (2am this morning) and just... Fell asleep to it. Didn't try any methods or anything. Just focused on passing out.

Then, since I was slightly stressed this morning, I ended up actively attempting to shift again for... Maybe a few hours? I was in and out of sleep and those hours included maybe three attempts? Two and a half?

I can't say I was particularly focused. I was partly trying to shift to my usual DR and partly just trying to shift to a version of my CR that's not as... Hectic, I suppose?

I was laying there counting and affirming and staring at the backs of my eyelids. Nothing special. Theoretically you could say 'oh Julia method' or 'oh Raven method' or whatever in terms of general structure, but it has been a long while since I've simply done a method I found online. It's been 'random bullshit go' for months at this point.

I switched between three subliminals as I went from one attempt to the next, sort of going off vibes, mostly to block out the noise in my CR. However, I did notice that when listening to them, I would fall into this... Slightly dizzy state for a little while. I had my eyes shut and it felt like the world around me was gently spinning.

Could've been my awful sleep schedule catching up with me, to be fair. Did not sleep for long enough.

There were also points where my awareness of various parts of my body would change. Obviously, limbs going numb, which is what typically happens when you haven't moved in a while. There was a point where I was awfully aware of specifically my fingertips, specifically of my left hand, against the mattress, so much so to where it was difficult to think of anything else, while the rest of my hand was almost completely numb. Not had that one happen before, I do admit.

There were a few points where I lost focus on my body entirely but I have no idea how aware I was at those points. I think I might be remembering instances right before falling briefly asleep - which is a testament to my tiredness because I only fall asleep on my back when completely sleep deprived.

I've also been trying to focus more on the backs of my eyelids when I do actively attempt to shift. I don't get much in the way of impressions or images - especially today, since I could see the light from outside dimming and brightening because it was fucking morning lmao - but I do get ever so slightly brighter patches against whatever the brightness of the general backdrop is, quite blurry and indistinct but still clear enough to be able to intuitively link what I'm seeing to a specific concept without thinking about it. They fade in and out quite a bit.

There was a point where it felt like I was seeing the light from behind a door - as in, the door was open a crack and I could see the light through that crack. I unfortunately got a bit too eager and tried to mentally reach out, completely reflexively, to open the door wider, which made the entire thing fade. Need to focus on just observing rather than trying to interact whenever anything even mildly interesting happens.

My main takeaway is mostly to let myself watch rather than act. As much as the impressions are... Impressions - not necessarily linked to shifting - I do feel like entertaining whatever my mind happens to bring up once I'm in a relaxed state can't do me any harm.

And breathing exercises are fucking great. 4-3-5 and 7-6-8 both completely calm me down after a little while. From there, it is finding something to keep my focus on that doesn't drag me back into my CR, which is affirmations or visualising (sight and sound only, thanks) or daydreaming, or some combination thereof. Obviously since I was semi-panicking today wasn't a particularly engaged experience lmao, but hopefully that all gets sorted by tonight and I can either take a rest day or have an attempt unencumbered by whatever the fuck is happening in my CR.

[holden-caulfield]

What If I Don't Want You To?

main masterlist

REQUESTED: "Hii! I saw that you wanted people to leave kaz requests in your asks so here I am! Could you do a ff in wich the reader is a part of the crows and she's really sarcastic and flirty (similar to jesper) and she constantly flirts with kaz, (he acts like it doesn't affect him but he secretly loves it) and one day she does something especially bold that makes him blush madly and they finally admit their feelings for each other (also a lot of teasing of the crows to kaz pls) thank you so much!"

SUMMARY: reader loves to tease kaz but is scared once she realizes she might have gone too far.

WARNINGS: a mention of blood but nothing graphic

WORD COUNT: 1422

Kaz was the most closed-off person you knew. He never revealed anything, wether it was his feelings or the details of a new plan, and it enraged you. That's why you took it upon yourself to see just how far you could push him.

Flirting with Kaz Brekker wasn't an easy task, nor was it rewarding but it sure was fun. The crows loved to see which new technique you would have used and what effect it would have had on Kaz. It was usually a simple glare; a snarky comment when you were lucky. Bets were made on his reactions and you soon became a part of it.

"What are we thinking today, Y/n?" started Jesper while walking you down to the club, "I'm betting on a smirk."

"A smirk?!" you asked surprised, "I'm not even sure Kaz can smile..."

"He can, i've seen him once. I thought i was dreaming but when i pointed it out, he glared at me. I knew it was real when he whacked me with his cane." stated Jesper, shivering at the memory. You couldn't help but laugh at his theatrics. "Why do you do it, by the way?"

You took a moment to answer, suddenly serious again.

Truth was that all the innocent flirty comments you made −comments that started out as nothing more than a pastime− soon changed something in you. They were becoming truthful, and seeing Kaz answer with nothing but a dismissive comment was not easy. Trying to evoke feelings in him, inadvertently awoke feelings in you. Feelings for your boss that you shouldn't have had.

"Do i need a reason? It's fun, why do you talk to yourself in the mirror when you think no one's watching?" you retorted, raising eyebrows in genuine question.

"First of all, you shouldn't have seen that. Second of all, you should try it, you'd feel much better afterwards." he said simply and you tried restraining the smile that inevitably made its way on your face.

You entered the club which was, as always, in full swing. Several people were already ordering at the bar all kinds of alcohol while many others were betting all their possessions at the tables. Only the dregs knew that the real bets were being placed under the tables.

"Ten that he doesn't say anything." you heard someone whispering.

You were the newest of the dregs and of the crows, but you had already earned yourself a reputation.

"Twenty that he finally kicks her out." another voice from somewhere in the club.

That one made you shiver. Would he really reach a point where he would fire you? You were a useful member, you wouldn't have made it into the crows if you weren't, but were you too much? Would he eventually get tired of you?

You walked over to your usual table with Jesper to meet Inej. Kaz wasn't there yet and you were really thinking of ending it there, no more flirting, no more jokes. This was your job, nothing else.

"What do you have for us, boss?" asked Jesper as he saw Kaz approaching.

He looked as he always does: black refined clothes clinging to him in an assortment of sharp edges, making him look even more direful to new merchants. He looked dashing the way a raging sea at night is; frightening, yet enticing. And that was wrong, you reminded yourself.

"It was a dead end." he said, sitting down.

He was in a gloomy mood, certainly for the news, and even though you knew you would have let down the whole club, you couldn't help but think of the comment you had heard moments ago.

"Twenty that he finally kicks her out."

You loved working and simply being with the crows and the possibility of being kicked out was positively frightening.

But you couldn't simply stop. Everyone would have noticed something was off, he would have noticed. And then what? He would have known you liked him.

You had to do something big, something he couldn't simply ignore. You might have been out of the dregs for good, or maybe not.

Jesper kicked your shin under the table, making you focus back on the real word and motioning at all the dregs in the club, looking expectantly at you.

Kaz and Inej were now talking about something you weren't quite getting, their voices seemed distant as you tried to forget about everyone's eyes on you. You had made it a thousand times already, you could do it once more.

"So, what are we going to do now?" asked Jesper and Kaz leaned back in his chair.

"I have some other leads we can try, but we'll have to split up." he started, the prospect of new kruge in his pockets making him incredibly more cheerful, "Jesper, Inej heard something about a particularly pricey painting in east stave, she'll bring you there and you'll learn more about it. And Y/n," he began and you perked up.

It was your moment to say something and get it over with.

"We'll go to west stave, i need your help with a lead there."

"Oh, you need me?" you said, your tone excessively teasing.

"That's what i said, but i can ask Inej." he replied drily.

You hesitated but you were not one to back down, especially not in front of one of Kaz's passive aggressive comments.

"But then you wouldn't get to stare at me longingly while i work, would you?" you said, pouting slightly.

You could have expected a retort, a glare, a not-so-nice hand gesture, but not him storming out of the club.

The entirety of the dregs was dumbfounded, Jesper and Inej, who never participated in the bets but still knew about them, were agape. You were mortified.

"Maybe," began Inej, "You should go talk to him."

"And meet my demise?" you asked.

"There must be a reason why he stormed out-"

"Yes, that he would have liked to kill me but blood stains are tough to remove." Jesper laughed but you were quite serious.

You got up either way, you had to explain yourself to him, you owed him at least that, and got out.

You found him not so far from the club's entrance, leaning on the railing over the river. You approached him unsurely.

"Kaz." he didn't turn around, so you got closer to the railing and noticed that his face, even in the night with the palest light of the street lamps, was scarlet. "I'm- i'm sorry, i will stop."

He remained silent.

"That is if you still want me in the crows, if not i'll leave tonight obviously." he turned to you, usually-perfect hair now slightly tousled, face still red and unreadable.

"Why wouldn't i?" he asked.

"I'm always teasing you and i figured you hated that. I will stop."

"What if i don't want you to?" your head perked up and he turned back towards the horizon, but a smirk crept up on his face. He didn't bother hiding it.

"So you can smile?" he rolled his eyes.

"I don't like it when people point out things i obviously do, you should have noticed back there."

Heat rushed to your face and the smile he had plastered onto his face turned into a complacent one.

"It was real? You stare at me longingly?" you asked bewildered.

He looked at you once before turning to the horizon once more, "Obviously not."

But you could sense he was lying.

"Told you he could smile, Y/n!" shouted Jesper from behind you.

You both turned around to find Jesper and Inej surrounded by the dregs and a couple of other clients too, all jostling to get a better look of the scene.

"It'll be hard for him not to, i'm afraid." joined in Inej and you bit your lip to refrain the laughter. Kaz's annoyed expression didn't help you maintaining a straight face.

"I'm not paying you to stand here doing nothing, get back inside." he ordered.

Everyone turned back inside but Jesper and Inej.

"Boss, if Y/n now gets double, just know i'm great at flirting too." stated Jesper as Kaz made his way back to the club, you in tow.

He ignored him and whacked him with his cane. Again. Jesper had now yet another lovely cane story to add to his collection.

"You'll never let him forget it, won't you?" you whispered. Jesper looked at you like a child who had just entered candy land.

"Never."

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[animatedrapture]

RINTOBER: [ Achilles' Heel ]

word count: 2,222

suna rintarō x reader

tags: ambiguous end, implied major character death, angst, implied sexual intercourse, toxic relationship, detailed pain(?)

song: achilles come down - gang of youths

a/n: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL because... death...?

a HUGE thank you, once again, to my wonderful wife, love of my life, bby @toffees-main 🥺 for proofreading the final piece and preventing me from sounding like a dumbass like, twice. also, thank you to @newfriendjen and @kaitycole for beta-reading the initial draft!

"Rin, Rintarō, I love you!" You shouted from the bleachers; a proud smile decorating your features as you cheered for him right after he'd hit the ball to the other side of the net, securing EJP Raijin another point—so close to winning.

His gaze and yours were two opposites of a pole with a pull unparalleled—a pull science can only wish to decipher. He finds you as he rotates through the set up and there's a beam in his eyes, making him break out into a grin you just know he couldn't find it in himself to reserve for later.

That day, that match—Suna Rintarō was named the MVP of the game. He owed it all to you and the swell of his heart with each cheer he heard from you; your voice distinct as if it were the only one that mattered in that whole gymnasium. Perhaps, at least that time, you truly were all that mattered to him.

But not anymore.

The first—the first was the lack of replies, the dryer replies. I love you's met with Love you's and very little effort to hide the lack of sincerity beneath. It began through texts until it was the quick, snipped tone laced with the parsimonious manner he answered you. The act of it was much like an attempt to deprive you of water until you're but withering rose in his grasp that he would rather replace than try to plant again and save.

Just how long were you willing to go without the water you needed to stay alive?

"Rin, love, I'll prepare dinner for us tonight, come home early, okay? I'm cooking your favorite!"

"I'll try," was his reply as you watched each of his hasty movements through your shared bedroom.

"I prepared you a bento, too. It's on the kitchen counter," you continued as he attempted to ignore the way you looked at him similar to the way you look when you're lost and searching for something. He hums in response, and just as he was about to reach for the door, you call out to him, "Rin, where's my goodbye kiss?" in the usual tone you would pull back then when he would forget and pepper you with kisses in retaliation, offering an apology before heading out.

He looks back at you with exasperation, "I'm late, Y/N." He doesn't wait for you to answer before he has the door shut close.

That's how you know he also forgot the food you prepared on the kitchen counter.

Foolishly, the answer to the question was that you were willing to wait until your next life for his love to drown you into bliss again. It's that answer that's disrespectful to the mystery of reincarnation—but you're everything Suna Rintarō wanted you to be; that is, if it was a fool he wanted you to be, you would play the part better than any award winning actor to have ever lived could. Even if it was a miscreant he wanted you to be, some sort of heretic to the laws of the world and the conditions of love. You'd be everything he asked of you. After all, who were you if not his other half?

Who were you if not water to shape into whatever container he put you in, right?

The second—the second was the lies that slipped past such sinful crimson lips. Oh, by the heavens, as if the lack of fondness in the timbre of his voice as he spoke to you wasn't enough to put cracks to the cemented foundation of you and him. Cruel, it's so cruel—you wonder if you're lacking somewhere, have you changed? Are you no longer diamond in the sea of glitter—? Worth not of his time nor the beating of the caged heart you thought you've acquired?

Now when he speaks, even the very sound of his voice reverberates like a sharp spear piercing through your chest without mercy—as if you're Spartan in the Battle of Thermopylae. The lies that come along with them about how training ended late again, or that he's travelling for a match again—Huh? No, you don't have to come, Y/N. I need to focus.

Did he have to lie about who he's with, what he's been doing? It's laughable. As if you wouldn't kiss away the taste of anything that lingered in his lips, if it was blood, alcohol or the lips of another girl. Rintarō, did he not know you enough to know you would surrender to his will no matter what mud followed his footsteps?

Ah, but, what would admitting such things do to his pride? Maybe it's that—or maybe he liked the way the lies were like lemon and salt to a fresh wound. You think, you never thought you could be so masochistic.

Third—the third is the sharpness of his gaze. It's the same gaze, same pair of eyes you've loved for such a long time and you fail not to love to this very moment. You're softer than clouds but now most hollow in comparison to the unacquirable stars among the cosmos—you think they're there but they're just a burst of light, something that has probably died lightyears ago.

It's like chokehold, the fourth—the fourth is like chokehold and he, the assassin. Ruthless—he's ruthless when he looks at you as you're not more than a tedious chore to him and the ring on your finger held no promise of relentless love greater than what a deity could offer.

Foolish—you're foolish. Delusion is a coping mechanism to the ones whose realities have been robbed in front of them—delusion is what you're supposed to call it when you fill your head with all the excuses and all the things you tell yourself have to change. You used to be a masterpiece. A masterpiece to him; as though you're Holy Grail found in a gallery of things that could never begin to hope they would ever amount to you.

Delusion is ignoring the liquor in his lips, the intoxicating smell of his cologne mixed with alcohol and cigarette smoke. You're confused and your reality that seems to have been distorting more often than usual. You question the strings that premeditate fate when it's you feeling the drunkenness and hangover the next day when it should be Suna and the tabloids of "Suna Rintarō spotted in yet another bar." You wonder if each sunset and sunrise you watched with Suna was a mere fever dream when it's you who vomits on the toilet. You, who sobs on the bathroom floor.

"Sfumato," your friend tells you, "The gentle blurring of edges to make rendered objects appear as one with their environment." The edges blur when you call that delusion as love—you only have to wait long enough before both are truly one and the same. The pain disguised as martyr sacrifice to the greatest allegory of love to exist. This is what you're told. They say, "Y/N, you've confused love with delusion," and yet you don't listen.

You don't listen most of all when you're back underneath him but you feel like you're being bloodied all over, stained like wine to a white dress. Yet you allow yourself to indulge in the kisses he's abated you of, you revel in each time you ask him to tell you he loves you and he finally does as he luxuriates you of your desires and of your whines for love—nevermind that he was doing it for himself. After all, it is as the word suggests, a luxury.

Suna Rintarō had become a luxury you couldn't afford, therefore, he did not have any business of giving himself to you. Not unless he wanted to.

Is there such thing as a free reign over the heart of someone? Hand it over as they will but how long would they truly allow you to borrow it—? Borrow it because one never truly surrenders such a vital thing to human functioning. Yes, you are and you have been delusional to believe so.

"You own the entirety of my heart, Y/N," you're unsure whenever it echoes in your head. He brings you enough torture, why must your own brain create such clamor in your head. Was such pain necessary? Is pain to love much like Adam's rib to Eve?

"It's a promise ring, bunny," he said as he tucked your hair behind your ears—his gaze is intense, almost like you would disappear from his sight if he looked at anywhere or anything but you.

You stared at the ring that shone under the light of the restaurant, your vision blurring at the tears welling from your eyes and you try your best to choke in the sob that involuntarily escapes you.

"Hey, Y/N, what are you cryin' for?" He questioned with a chuckle, looking at you with amusement dancing in his eyes while his thumbs reached out to wipe away each tear that betrayed you—falling down your cheeks as he cupped your face.

"I-it's nothing, I—I'm just happy, love," you answer him through your tears.

There's a smile playing across his lips, he tells you, "'m just making a promise that I'll marry you one day, bunny, is all."

You nodded eagerly with a wide smile even as the tears that left you continued to fall, "I'm making a promise to say yes, Rin. No matter what," you answered him through your sobs, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"Guess I should start practicing to get on one knee then, yeah?" He laughed as he pulled you closer, his arms around you, you giggled along with him—it felt like you were molded together to form one perfect piece, like the act of staying there for all of eternity, in each other's arms, would turn you into one. Entangled together in all the right ways—as if Rapture has befallen the Earth and that was your final state as did the universe.

The fifth—the fifth is the screaming, the fights. Who would have thought you would break like a mere twig stepped on in the darkest forest on this Earth? It was under his shoe did you break from; each word that left his mouth was scathing—they didn't feel like a stab or pins and needles to the human heart, they felt like burns of acid that slowly ate at your decaying soul, breaking heart, dwindling sanity.

"I don't get it, Rin! Why do you treat me like this?!" You screamed through your tears, your chest heaving as your lungs tried its best to support you, even when it's already been punctured by the shattered pieces of your heart that continued to beat in separate shards, digging further into your lungs, damaging your ribcage, piercing your throat.

"Please, God, just tell me what to do—Rintarō, tell me what I need to do to turn us back to the way we were, please," you begged, falling to your knees and you let the shattered items on the floor puncture your skin. You felt numb yet your whole body was buzzing. The pain from the pieces of glass from under you doesn't register in your brain because all you can feel is the pain that was spreading from your chest and out into your whole body.

Under his mercy had he turned you inside out and greedily taken every part of you—everything you surrendered on your own volition until you were nothing, not even a shell of yourself but more like a ghost floating through the air. It looked like a battlefield—and perhaps it was. Love was never something you come out alive from. Love was greedy, selfish, treacherous. Love is like an assailant you allowed to enter in the safety of your own home.

"Don't you get it? Y/N, I don't love you anymore!"

No. You think, no. No, it repeats in your head, over and over. Denial. You were in denial, at this conjecture, you were aware of even this.

"I stopped loving you long ago, Y/N. You were dumb enough to stay." Has he always been this truculent towards you? You wonder but you can't recall anything else but the echoing of his words. Words he used like a champion of the battlefield, liberating away the life of his enemies.

No. Don't say that. You don't mean it. No.

Suna thought you would be the arrow to his heel—the one to bring him to his knees in the most torturous of ways. In reality, maybe you were more his heel than the arrow. He was both Achilles and his actions, the arrow that brought him to his own demise.

Sixth—the sixth was sickening grief. You're so unfair. You're so selfish. How could you run away from him, only to scream his name and the tormenting shout of "I love you" that haunted him awake or in his slumber. How could you be so cruel? To let him fall to his knees in front you the way you made him to. Ruthless—you're so ruthless. The pain was the excruciating kind, crashing towards him like ocean waves bringing him farther from the shore and near to wherever you were now. How could you leave him like you did?

After all, what was he if there wasn't you?

📞 violet is calling... all content featured belongs to ©️ animatedrapture. do not plagiarize, repost, or modify.

[zephycluster]

Precolonial HWS SEA Rant Post, feel free to ignore

If you're still reading, then you're probably looking for evidence or some juicy tidbits to throw back at me or to try and find dirt to cancel me, like typical Tumblr/Twitter. Go ahead, I don't really care.

First off, let me just say that If you like Precolonial South-East Asia AUs, feel free to keep enjoying them. I will respectfully support your passions from afar. This post is just to explain why I don't like it, especially the way they keep insisting/portraying PH in it.

Still here? Then let me begin.

Since the recent confirmation that the ASEAN Six Majors (Can't really say ASEAN 10 atm since it's still missing some people) Were completed and the Ma-Phil-Indo Trio was included, there has been a large surge in 'Precolonial' fanarts and portrayals of South East Asians, those three especially.

Even long, long before, circa 2010's ish, a rather well-known fan universe known as 'Maaf' dealt with their story and how their Author thought their intertwined histories went. Written by (my best guesstimate) an Indonesian writer who wants to explore the old, SEA bond.

When I first stumbled across Maaf (I was in Highschool at the time, around age 16-ish), I took a casual interest in it and tried to read it through. But, I will wholeheartedly admit that at the time, Pre-Colonial cultures of South-East Asia in general, let alone Philippine, did not really interest me that much. The focus (I think) was mostly on Indonesia, a country I didn't really know back then, and the liberal use of 'ancient' names and artwork just made it feel like an entirely Original Work (that needed a degree in History to really appreciate) and not something from Hetalia. I also completely disagreed with what I could gather was the story's portrayal of PH but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Do I hate 'Maaf'? No, I don't hate it. Do I wish I never came across it or that it didn't exist? Of course not. Just because I didn't enjoy it or appreciate it that well doesn't mean I wish any ill toward it, its fans, or its creator.

Fast forward to April 2021, the long awaited inclusion of South East Asia to the canon Hetalia verse. I was happy, the other fans were happy, all was good.

Then started the questionable fanarts, fan theories and fan pairings.

Especially the expansion of Precolonial! PH.

Let's go back to Maaf for one moment. From what I understood of Maaf, PH there was a character who once was like all the other South East Asian cultures, trading with them, all around being a nice family.

But all that changed when the Spaniards attacked, so cry the precolonial buffs. They destroyed everything, ransacked and marginalized the tribes, erased everything that PH was!

Did that happen? ABSOLUTELY. The Spaniards had this vision in mind that they must spread Christianity to all of the 'savage, unchristian heathens' of their realm. :V /s

But back up a second, back to PH's portrayal in Maaf. The way she (yeah, she) was portrayed there was that she was slowly losing her memories of being a 'true' South East Asian and grew more and more westernized in the process, like some sort of Culture-specific Alzheimer's or something.

Firstly, that is seriously depressing, and secondly, I just really don't see that happening.

Here's why.

Point 1: Even before Colonial Masters, Filipinos as a people cannot agree on anything.

I'll just begin this segment with a Philippine proverb that outlines what Filipinos call 'Crab Mentality' or 'Crab Bucket Mentality'.

"You don't need a lid for a container when you're keeping multiple crabs. If you keep at least two crabs together, they will just pull each other down instead of helping each other up."

I don't know how it goes with Indonesian or Malaysian history class, but what I know of my homeland, both pre- and post-colonial history, we were never really 'united' or 'together' in the sense that Indonesia and Malaysia were (from what I assume).

Let me pull up a somewhat related question on r/AskHistorians.

The reason I brought this up as it shows the reasons why, in my opinion, a single entity that is 'Precolonial Philippines-tan' is an impossibility.

The answers are long and would extend this already long post to stupid proportions, so I'll just quote relevant sentences. The link is here for those that wanna deep-dive into the answer.

"All this to say that there wasn't a name used for the entire Philippine islands before the Philippines that people now would agree to. An interesting comparison would be the Holy Roman Empire, which might also be characterized as disparate politico-geographic groups of relatively small size that had a history of relations between each other, but one thing they had that the Philippines did not was a common language, or at least a family of mostly mutually intelligible languages, so that the name Deutschland or Germany isn't terribly offensive to anyone. If you called the Philippines the 'Lupang-Tagalog' or even 'Lupang-Tao' the other ethnic groups would protest."

For those in need of translation, 'Lupang Tagalog' means 'Land of the Tagalogs' and 'Lupang Tao' means 'Land of People', specifically. The first one is already exclusive and offensive, as the Tagalog peoples are but one of many ethnicities here.

And for the 'Lupang Tagalog' suggestion specifically, it's even more offensive as they are the majority ethnicity (not by much, just around 28%) From this chart from Geography Now! It would basically be alienating everyone else in the 72% remainder that isn't 'Tagalog'.

And even 'Lupang Tao', the most generic name in a local language you can think of, would be met with contempt because the name itself is in the Tagalog language.

Just travelling between two individual island groups today would sometimes require a translator because the words can change very rapidly and very drastically. Here's a sample of some differences coming from a friend living in Visayas (in Red) vs. the words I know living in Luzon (In blue).

Ate vs. Manang = Older Sister

Ibon vs. Pispis = Bird

Tumawa vs. Kadlaw = To laugh

Takot vs. Hadlok = Fear

Kain vs. Kaon = To eat

Ngayon vs. Subong = Now, at this point in time

Iyak vs. Hibi/Gibi = to cry

Talampakan vs. Tiil = Foot (in Tagalog, the word retains its 'body part AND unit of measurement' meaning)

Tulog vs. Tuyo = to sleep (Tuyo in Tagalog is either a dried salted fish or 'to dry')

The kicker is that just like Tagalog is just one of many languages here, so too is the language my friend speaks. Ask an entirely new person, like someone from Mindanao, they'll probably have an entirely new set of words.

It's not just Luzon vs. Visayas vs. Mindanao, either. Here's a map listing some of the ethnic groups here.

Even the way they're written differs from location to location.

While we're on the subject of Island divisions, a casual skim across Twitter and Tumblr has shown that their Precolonial PH has been one of the following ancient civilizations: Tondo, Butuan, Sugbu, Namayan. There may have been others but that was what I have found.

Notice how even today, the posters of Precolonial PH can't seem to agree on what he's supposed to be? With Indonesia it's either Majapahit or Srivijaya and Malaysia it's usually Malacca iirc.

What is the big deal? Well, let's go back to the Ask Historians post. "Why didn't the Philippines ever change its name to remove the colonial mark that being named after a Spanish King has?" The answer: "If you suggested something dating to precolonial times, the other ethnic groups would protest."

Since we're on a roll with maps, let me bring this up.

As you can see, the precolonial PH posts have a reason to not be able to agree on one thing, as there is a LOT of options. Do you also see how THAT list is also split up?

It's split up into those aligned with China (Sinified), aligned with India (Indianized), aligned with the Middle East (Islamicized), and no alignment (Animist). Now, let's go back to the main suggestions for which Kingdom/Polity/Civilization/whatever Modern Philippines used to be.

If the Filipino peoples' couldn't agree on something as simple as WHAT TO CALL THE LAND THEY'RE LIVING ON, what more a living, breathing, walking, talking entity that is supposed to be a beacon of all of their 'unified' culture? ESPECIALLY if that entity used to be a currently existing Kingdom/Polity/Rajahnate/Sultanate/whatever.

Tondo? "Of course, always the damn Tagalogs. Tagalog this, Tagalog that. First the capital city, then the language,* THE REST OF US EXIST, YOU KNOW! What about us in Visayas? Mindanao?"

*The national language known as 'Filipino' is just standardized Tagalog*

Butuan? "Wait, you want Butuan to represent us? They're they only Indian-aligned city in the Islam-majority Mindanao! They're not even that many of them! I'm not gonna change my religion!"

Sugbu, the other name for the Rajahnate of Cebu on the map? Lemme bring back my Visayan friend again. According to her, she hails from the Hiligaynon part of Visayas.

"Sure :v and the other islands are what?

Chopped liver?

Not to mention the language and writing barrier helloooo"

And Namayan? Well. I'll let this pic speak for itself.

To summarize, no matter who you pick as Modern PH's previous identity, it will not end well nor be accepted by the other Kingdoms at the time.

"So where does that leave Modern PH, he had to have been ONE of them, right?"

Well, not really. He doesn't HAVE to be one of the Ancient Kingdoms that lasted till the modern day. I mean, predecessor representatives exist in Hetalia canon, after all. Like Modern Greece is a different character from Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt and Modern Egypt, heck even England and his brothers have a canon mother that was the rep before them.

Or you could even use the same logic that Germany does, in that each specific region has/had its own representative and that Modern!PH is just the 'mediator' between them (cause gawd does PH need one). There could be a Tondo, a Namayan, a Butuan, and a Sugbu, all arguing and this Proto-PH is just trying to make headway in making them all satisfied.

But, even after all this, there is another reason why I personally don't subscribe to the 'Precolonial PH' idea, and by tangential extension, the Indo x Phil pairing.

Point 2: Even without intending to, Precolonial Indo x Phil just comes off as patronizing

This second point is just ENTIRELY personal preference and barely has any facts to back it up.

Again, if you like the pairing and disagree with me, You do you. I will respectfully support you and your passions from a distance.

But for me, Indo being Phil's seme/bae/boyfriend and consistently bringing up precolonial times just comes off as patronizing.

Just one more time, I'd like to point out that I am NOT bashing Indonesia, its people or the subscribers of Indo x Phil. This is just how the pairing feels to ME specifically.

The way I see it, Indo x Phil as a pairing, especially if it extends back into precolonial times, reads the same way as a long-since married couple where the husband/wife CONSTANTLY brings up that ONE outing you had together, or that ONE prom night where you kissed while dancing, even it happened like 30 some-odd years ago and so much more happened since then.

Even in a platonic sense, It reads like two besties where one ALWAYS mentions stuff like 'Yeah but you looked so much cooler back in High School' or 'Back in Grade School you would've known that', or 'Remember back in Pre-school we did X? How could you forget that?'

How does one respond to the notion that no matter what you do now, it will never compare to a past you've already forgotten or barely remember? That the best version of 'you' is already long gone?

"That's because the westerners made you forget your culture! You gotta take it back!"

While it is true, yes, as a collective we barely remember the Kingdom that commissioned the Laguna Copperplate, or created the Banaue Rice Terraces, or created the millennia old bonds that we still share with Indonesia and Malaysia.

But to keep pushing the precolonial identity would be to neglect and cast aside the one REAL binding belief and culture that spans the entirety of these islands we call the Philippines.

We take on all the bad stuff that happens to us, conquer it, and make it our own. Be it natural disasters, foreign powers, or negative stereotypical mentalities.

Yes, we've forgotten the ancient kingdoms of old and are just now digging through the closet for those remnants of the past. Yes, the colonizers imposed that on us, and made us forget. But in the process we've also taken everything that they left behind, everything that they threw at us, and created something that can only come from us.

The lanterns that the Spaniards used to light the way to the morning masses they made us attend became our globally known symbol of Christmas. The junked vehicles that the Americans left behind in World War 2 are now rolling works of art that announce themselves loud and proud on the streets (for better or for worse). The iced dessert recipe that the Japanese forced us to learn while they were occupying the country is now so distinct and famous it is synonymous with us, and is so delicious even Italy has taken notice.

Even after all this? Even after all the 425-ish years total we have been under a foreign power, with all the progress we've made as a country, a people, and a nation, you would still imply our fragmented, jigsaw puzzle state of being in the past was better just because it was pure 'South East Asian' like everyone else?

We might not be as well put-together as Indonesia or Malaysia, but we made this melting pot of angry, leg-pulling, dogpiling, Native, Mestizo, Chinoy, and Fil-Am crabs OURS, damnit!

It's now 4:30 AM and I have work in 5 or so hours. I'll be going to sleep now.

[roger--that]

𝙷𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚉𝙾𝙽𝚂

CHAPTER ONE

2011

Us Air Force Base, Nevada

ELIZABETH TOOK A leisurely stroll around the foundation, savoring the early morning peace. As others prepared for the day ahead, small tinkering sounds could be heard.

She sipped her Earl Grey, if she could even call it that. It had been almost seven years since she had moved from the UK to the states, and the main thing she had come to realize was that British tea was simply superior.

The tea may be like drinking dishwater, but it definitely didn't stop her from drinking three cups a day, minimum. It was routine at this point and kept her sane.

She was usually alone, or at least the only one up, on her morning walk around the base, given that she had no particular job to do this early. She preferred the silence of early morning to that of every other time of day. It was silent for the majority, the only sounds were minimal and easily faded into the background.

Today, however, would be different.

She was not alone in the early hours of this particular morning. At the very least, she was not the only one who thought it would be worthwhile to be awake long before they were required in the hangar for their scheduled shift.

Elizabeth had not intended to stare.

It was only intended to be a fleeting glimpse, maybe a polite smile if unintended, mildly uncomfortable eye contact arose. But then her attention was drawn to his arms, and she had no reservations about admitting it. While she couldn't see what book he was reading, she became intrigued by this stranger's literary tastes. He was sitting on the ground, leaning against the hangar wall. Elizabeth had tried her hardest not to notice how the early morning sun was shining perfectly on him, and she was also trying her hardest not to subtly cast her eyes up and down his physique.

But tried as she might, it did not work.

Especially, as it was at the exact moment that she brought her eyes back up to glance at his features, that a pair of deep brown eyes met her grey ones. As he raised his book in a salute-like gesture of acknowledgment, he had a small smirk on his face.

She gave him a small smile in return, feeling somewhat awkward at the notion of being caught. After tipping her mug in his direction in response, she slowly pivoted and walked away towards her barracks to change. The image of the stranger's smile - and arms, burned in her brain.

"So, you must be Queenie."

Elizabeth looked up from her papers to see a toned man standing in front of her, wearing a grey uniform, much like herself; his hair was dirty blonde and his skin was tanned from his apparent years of service. She was sure that she had never formally met or at the very least seen the man in front of her.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm Riley," he extended his hand as he sat on the bench across from her. The giant smile on his face left her even more confused as it was one that you would give someone you were familiar with - a former colleague, or family friend possibly. And she did not recognize him as either, or at all for that matter. Elizabeth hesitantly shook the offered hand.

"Look, I'm really sorry. I'm usually very good with putting names to faces, but I-" She interrupted herself, her focus suddenly switching to the first thing he said. "Did you call me Queenie?"

He chuckled before answering, "Yeah, that's your call sign, isn't it?"

He said it as if it were evident, as if it had always been the case, as if it had just slipped her mind. She had always thought that the commanding officer assigned recruits with their call signs? Or at least be told in a more grandeur way?

"Oh!" Not much stunned Elizabeth. She was aware of call signs; she just didn't intend to learn hers in a manner that made it seem as though she should already know it. "I wasn't aware."

Riley was watching her from across the table, which made her feel a little out of place. She shook her head and returned her attention to trying to figure out who this guy was. "So who are you and how do you know my call sign?"

"I'm Riley." He repeated with a pointed glance, and smirked once when he saw her eyes roll dramatically. He leaned against the wall beside him, his arms folded against his chest; his body angled forward slightly.

"So here's the thing. My buddy saw you the other day and is incapable of not talking about you. He doesn't know your name, only what you look like, that you're also in the air force, obviously, and that you have a Union Jack coffee mug. So I decided to be his wing man and it just so happened you are all those things and I saw the mug and well."

He put his hands out as if presenting an award. "Queenie."

Elizabeth squinted her eyes, trying to process everything while remembering the plethora of men on base who could've seen her mug, which after two years on base was practically everyone? However, she thought to herself, she had only been located at this particular air field for the last seven weeks.

"And does this friend have a name?" She said whilst quipping a brow and glancing at him, a small smirk played on her lips.

Elizabeth eventually caved and mustered the courage to approach Sam Wilson after three weeks of covert glances, inadvertent eye contact, and shy salutes of coffee mugs at sunrise.

He was sitting on the ground, leaning against the hanger, with a book in his hand. She sat next to him, her coffee mug in her hand, quietly chuckling as she startled him.

As she spoke, she leaned in close to obtain a sight of a page, clearly invading his personal space, but that was a Knight trait.

She got a glimpse of the dark and foreboding cover page of the Stephen King novel he held in his hands. She had never been one for horror stories - she was incredibly jittery, and would scare far too easily; it was something that her father would always tease her about, especially as he took great delight in frightening her with cliche ghost stories throughout her childhood.

And so, trying to cover her distaste, and took a sip of her tea, "I'm Elizabeth, by the way," she smiled and semi-awkwardly extended her hand, "Or apparently Queenie, but you probably knew that considering Riley, I think it was - he already gave me that call sign based on what he heard from you. You're Sam, right?"

Sam merely observed her for a few seconds, a soft smile on his face. He grinned quietly at her natural ramblings - it was plainly an unconscious habit-and it was one of appreciation. He reached for her hand and smiled bigger at the warm feeling as he firmly squeezed her hand in a greeting, "Yeah. I'm Sam."

"So, what makes you want to read a horror novel? I was hoping for something a little more upbeat."

"I don't know," Turning his hand over allowing the books pages to fan across his thumb, his eyes cast over the atmospheric cover; Sam shrugged - he hadn't really thought about it before. "I suppose it takes my mind off being here."

"You know, I never understood why people say that." Sam raised an eyebrow, intrigued by what she was saying. "We are all here because we want to be, for the most part. I mean, unless you had no other options, such as going to college or even getting a job, and the military was the only thing you felt you could contribute to."

She looked over at Sam and wanted to continue but the smile growing on his face stopped her. It was a somewhat coy smile, as if he knew something she didn't.

"I meant, as in being here, as we are now," he said a little quieter, leaning his head in her general direction. "I read to escape."

"Oh." She internally grimaced at her rambling outburst; they had become something of an occupational hazard over the years. "Well, I'll leave you to your escape. Sorry for rambling." She mumbled the last part of her apology, feeling embarrassed as she quickly scrambled to her feet.

"You don't have to leave," Sam reached out before she could even make a move to get up, "If it's any consolation, I could use a distraction."

Elizabeth was not a blusher. At least, she did not believe herself to be. Of course, like everyone else, she got embarrassed but she certainly did not blush. Especially in front of men.

However, she was aware that at that precise moment, the skin of her cheeks pricked with immense heat and flashed a fierce shade of scarlet.

[nothing-but-dreamy]

TRUE COLORS ~ Ch. 3

You want to start the series? Chapter 1

Pairing: DBH!Connor x OC!Maya

Words: 2325

Warnings: none; Connor is adorable

After another long day at the Chicken Feed truck, Maya was glad to be back home. The neverending rain got replaced by soft falling snow, how it got announced. As she entered her apartment, Maya shook off the snow from her cost and got greeted by the soft female voice of her intercom. A nice warmth and her favorite ambient music were flooding her own four walls. That was home.

The tall skyline of Detroit rose behind the windows, its lights sparkling like million candles in the distance. One by one, Maya switched on small lamps for more indirect light and atmosphere. It was just past eight but already dark. From the right, she heard a low plop.

"Hey, Trevor. You're awake. Good morning, little one.", Maya said and greeted her small, nocturnal gecko in its terrarium. The small creature croaked happily as it saw its owner. Maya sprayed water for more humidity and removed an old leaf.

"It's freezing cold outside. You can be happy to be in there where it is so warm.", she said low, closed the glass door of the terrarium and decided to take a bath. A long, hot bath would be the right thing to end this long work day and to start her evening.

*

"You have a visitor.", the intercom announced. Maya lowered her pencil and looked confused at the digital clock of her stove.

"Now? Who would visit me now?", she asked into the empty apartment. Trevor had no answer. It was past 2 AM and there was no one who would visit her to such an hour except Gary, who would have some kind of trouble. Maya sighed, stood up and answered the door. Surprise wouldn't be even the right choice of word to describe how Maya felt as she opened the door.

"C-Connor? What...what are you doing here?", she asked, still with the handle holding in her hand to close the door whenever necessary.

"Lieutenant Anderson suggested that I shall visit you.", Connor said and looked kinda lost. He had followed Hank’s instructions and yet, it seemed to be wrong again.

"Visit me? Why?", Maya asked puzzled. She watched how Connor, whose hair and shoulders were covered in snow, looked at a point in the distance. His LED flashing yellow.

"To talk about emotions.", Connor answered and looked back at Maya. She knew that she still looked at him with confusion.

"Okay, help me a bit here. I'm confused and have no idea how I could help you. Is it because of your case? Happened something there?", Maya asked directly and noticed how Connor relaxed a bit. That was a field he could control. Suddenly, she felt the coldness of the hallway on her naked feet, so she stepped aside.

"Come in. It's getting cold.", Maya said softly and let the android in, “What happened?”, she asked, closed the door and followed Connor.

"We were chasing two deviants and I...I had trained my gun at them. They were right in front of me but...", Connor started his explanation while he stepped into her living room.

"But you haven’t shot them?", Maya asked as he didn’t end his sentence. She tried to keep the nervousness out of her voice but held her breath.

"N-no... I... I couldn't.", Connor answered and looked at the ground while his LED was spinning yellow. Maya released her breath and relaxed. But she was also concerned about the state of the android.

"So, you didn't shoot them and that troubles you?", Maya asked softly. Connor nodded and this time, she gave him the time to speak when he was ready. He stopped at the wall and looked at her paintings.

"I got sent by CyberLife to investigate the spreading deviancy. The phenomenon that androids seem to start to feel. I got programmed to hunt and to stop deviants before it’s too late. To prevent something bad from happening.", he said automatically as if he was just repeating something he had said hundreds of times or what was an essential part of his code.

"But you couldn't shoot the two androids even if they were right in front of you? You acted against your program?", Maya asked, slowly understanding what the android's problem was. Connor was shifting between fulfilling his mission and obviously developing emotions on his own. For him it was problematic to process everything properly. Maya was sure that there was nothing in this world that would be more difficult for him right now.

"I... I don't know how that could happen.", Connor said and looked back at Maya who leant against her couch with her hands shoved into her front pockets.

"Can you tell me more about the androids? Or the case?", Maya asked calmly.

"It were two girls from the Eden Club. One of them killed a guy... accidentally.", Connor answered, remembering the early evening.

"Why did she kill the guy?", Maya asked, now, truly interested. Until now, she had just heard a few rumors about androids developing emotions. But murder was a whole new level.

"She said she was just defending herself as the victim started to hit her. She feared that she would die and so she... She...", Connor said and stopped.

"She defended herself to run away with another android?", Maya asked and connected the dots.

"Yeah... Lieutenant Anderson said the two girls seem to be in ... love.", Connor said and drew his brows together as he processed the said. Since he had started to talk about the case, now, it was the first time where his LED circled rapidly in a blinking yellow and a hint of red. For Maya the indicator that this was his main problem.

"They were in love? And as the one told you why she did it you couldn't shoot her?", Maya asked and Connor nodded. Once again, the android looked through her apartment to distract himself.

Connor scanned the area out of habit. The gecko croaked as it watched, very interested, how the android walked through the apartment. Next to the terrarium was a desk with sketches scattered over it. A bigger pad laid in the middle of the desk. A sketch of a person was drawn but it wasn't finished, just the outlines, so Connor had no idea what it would be later. Next to the desk was a canvas stand with a painting in the making. Several shades of green were smeared across the canvas and created an illusion of depth.

On the wall behind the stand, Connor saw finished, colorful paintings. They were paintings of geckos and plants like copies of the plants that were spread in the apartment. Connor scanned the plants. All of them were real and healthy with the right hydration. Another painting of her gecko hung at the other wall and Connor was looking at it for a few minutes. Maya walked over to him. His LED had calmed down back to blue. She was glad to see the android to be more relaxed again.

"You're very talented. Are you a painter?", Connor asked, looking at Maya with curiosity.

"Yeah... I'm currently studying art to get my bachelor's degree.", Maya said and looked at the painting one last time before she walked over to the couch. She signaled Connor to follow her. Maya sat with crossed legs in one corner of her couch and Connor sat next to her, well-behaved like a kid with his hands folded in his lap and with a straight back.

"So, how I see it, you have troubles processing the fact that you couldn't shoot the deviants how you should have.", Maya said cautiously. Connor nodded but stayed silent.

"Was it a conscious decision you made?", she asked further. Minutes were ticking by before Connor looked up at her. His brown eyes looked soft but sad. His face held a confused expression. Maya laid her hand reassuring on his arm and she noticed how his LED circled yellow. Maybe processing her question or her touch.

"Take your time to answer. We have all the time in the world.", Maya said low and softly with a smile.

"It was a decision I made. I decided not to shoot because...", Connor admitted finally.

"Because?", Maya asked softly. Connor looked from her hand into her eyes.

"I saw no reason. I knew I had to shoot them because my program, my mission, demanded it but I... I didn't want to.", Connor admitted low and blinked several times as he realized what he had said. Maya smiled softly at him.

"You made a decision on your own, Connor. It was your own decision to spare these girls because their death wasn't helpful for your mission."

"But I.. that must not be! I have to fulfill my mission to stop the deviants.", Connor said troubled.

"I'm convinced you will be able to find a way to solve this case without killing someone. There is always an alternative. To spare someone's life is always better.", Maya said and watched how Connor calmed down. His LED turned from yellow back to blue and slowed down.

"You said something about love earlier.", Maya asked and tried to guide the conversation to the next important topic. The reason why Hank had sent this android to her in the middle of the night.

"Y-yeah... Hank said the androids, the two girls, would be in love.", Connor explained and looked confused again. For Maya, he looked totally cute like this but she had to focus back on the current situation to keep a clear mind.

"You now, love is a good thing. There is no need to stop it. Love is the biggest power in this world.", Maya tried to explain a complex emotion.

"But they're androids. They don't really feel something. Their emotions are just errors in their software. They're emulating them.", Connor said, what sounded more like instructions in a manual.

"Do you really think that?", Maya asked, interested in his answer. There was something in his eyes that betrayed him.

"I.. yes.", Connor said but Maya saw the insecurity in his eyes. It had been a mechanical, programmed answer which would come automatically.

"What is love?", Connor asked suddenly.

"Oh, uhm... you can't explain that easily but I will try it. Love connects people in a powerful way. There is the bond between parents and their kids. Between siblings and of course, between two people in a relationship. When you love someone, they are the first thought in the morning when you wake up and the last before you fall asleep. You are willing to do anything for the one you love. Sometimes you fear to lose them because without them you wouldn't feel complete. There are people who would die to save the one they love. Or kill each other because they can't be together like Romeo and Juliet.", Maya tried to explain as best as possible. Love was a complex structure which wasn't easy to explain within a few minutes.

"That's a dramatic reaction.", Connor said serious as he processed the information.

"Love can be magnificent...or even disastrous. But if you love, you know that because the other person is everything you can think of. They matter more than your own life and you just want to be with them. Suddenly, there is someone in your life who seemed to be more important than yourself.", Maya closed her explanation. Connor inclined his head to one side.

"Have you ever been in love?", he asked interested. Maya was friendly and calm and the complete difference to all the humans he had met so far. He watched her bright eyes sparkling in the half dark and her hair falling over her shoulders like soft waves. For the first time, he noticed such things on someone else.

‘Software instability…’, the note popped up in front of his eyes.

"Oh… uhm…not really...not how I have explained it but in some way...yeah-", Maya explained stammering.

"But you're alone, aren't you? Or do you have a partner at the moment?", Connor asked further. Now, more interested in her than before.

‘Software instability…’, once again the note was showing up.

"No, I.. I'm single, at the moment. I had a few relationships but nothing too serious.", Maya answered, shifting uncomfortably.

"Haven't you loved them enough that they left?", Connor asked and Maya felt more uncomfortable under his intense glance which was innocent at the same time. She understood that Connor was like a child at this point. If he wanted to understand, he had to ask questions that came to his mind.

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple. There are different factors for people to stay together and sometimes... it's not enough to love each other. Sometimes even loving someone isn't enough that a relationship works out.", Maya tried to explain but she saw that Connor had difficulties to follow.

"Okay, look, I will try to explain it to you.", Maya changed her sitting position closer to Connor. He followed her lead and it seemed that he made himself more comfortable.

***

As she awoke, Maya realized that she must have fallen asleep on the couch. Slowly, she remembered how she had tried to explain love to an android the whole night. As she sat up, Maya noticed the blanket covering her.

"Connor?", she asked sleepy into the apartment but there was no response. She wasn't surprised but she smiled softly about the memories of how they had talked until she had fallen asleep against Connor's shoulder in the early morning hours.

Feeling wonderful, Maya pulled the blanket closer to her chest to keep the warmth a moment longer. That was it that a small piece of paper fell to the ground. Maya leant forward to collect it. It was just a small note but the words let her smile:

I had to leave and I didn't want to wake you. Thank you for … everything!

[tuliharja]

BLEACH: Thousand-Year Blood War - The Separation episode 1 review

And we're back!

I must admit I didn't even realize how soon Bleach: TYBW would return back, but it's back. Man, I've been waiting for this and I bet many other people have also waited for its return.

I'm happy that the second course (season?) started so strongly when it opened with Yhwach's birth. The moment I saw those 'glowing lights' I knew what they were and I knew where it would lead. But the fact we saw a little bit of how the system works with Yhwach? That was a bit surprising. Those who have read the manga will get the reference right away, but it'll be kind of a bit surprise to anime-only watchers. ;)

That new opening was truly a banger! I've missed openings like that where the vibe seems so relaxed, but in reality lot of things are going on. The fashion, the way characters are represented, etc. everything looked very neat and the lyrics supported nicely everything. So many little details that hint at the future, but done in such a way one might not get it right to way. I hope some fic writers will get inspiration from the opening and write some AUs based on the world we saw at the opening before it shifted back to the universe we're familiar with.

I'm glad the anime picked up right away where it was left because while recaps can be handy, in this case, it would have felt a bit unnecessary.

The animation is still top-notch, and so are the soundscape, music, and voice acting. Glad to see the animators and the rest of the staff got the needed time to keep up with the quality we got at the first part.

I loved how Ichigo walked all the way up to Ichibe's palace, then thanked and bowed and was all 'bye'. Like bruh. I would have probably been too exhausted to go right back, not to mention...if Ichibe would have just wanted Ichigo's thank you, I doubt they would have needed to climb aaall the way to his palace that is on the mountain.

The transitions between the scenes were quite smooth.

Even though I knew why Bambietta called that guy, it still made me chuckle a bit. The poor guy thought tonight would be his lucky night, but unfortunately...Bambietta has a bit different preferences. xP

Hehe, the Yhwach announcement really caused havoc among the Sternritten ranks, eh? But it was a good way to showcase some of the main Sternrittens' personalities.

I must admit Liltotto's voice surprised me a bit. I don't know, but I didn't imagine it to be so low and so mature sounding? I'm not sure what I was expecting, but not that. That doesn't mean, though, I wasn't positively surprised by it.

Also, Giselle casually calling out Candice. Lol. Goes to show the girl group's internal dynamics. A further point of that was just moments ago Candice calling out to Bambietta.

Man, I couldn't help but swoon over that successor ritual scene. The animatics during that scene were just fantastic. I loved the contrast between turquoise, white, and black. The little red? (Though blood rituals are a bit cliché in my mind) It was a nice addition to that all. It just drew the viewer to look at the scene where Uryuu severed his ties with his friends and embraced his Quincy origins.

Man, I still wish I could read Japanese just so I could understand those middle dividers in the episode. Even though I bet those are merely just telling further about the things we already know or will learn, I still kind of hope that.

Also, it's nice how at the first course (season?) the theme color was magenta, but now it's turquoise. Small neat detail that goes to show now it's time to hear more of the Quincies' side of things.

Lol, what were Nel's fraccions doing? Playing once again tag or what? And yeah, I know the scene was supposed to be foreboding and serious, but my focus slipped upon them...instead of Orihime's conversation with Chad.

Luckily that scene quickly switched to Ichigo's training and then to Kyoraku and Nanao. And yeah, like Kyoraku let that slip on purpose. Of course not. He isn't such a man. (Oh, but he is.) And generally showcasing what others were up to.

Wait, Kirinji called Rukia? I kind of get people at Seireitei having cellphones, but even at Royal Palace? Who is their dealer? Or, who makes those? Not to mention it made me think about how the whole service system works...

And omg! We actually get the naked Byakuya scene! I was quite sure we wouldn't get it, but we did. I bet all Byakuya fangirls cheered when they saw that scene. ^^

I think the whole Soul Ticket's reason was explained much better in this than in the manga. I don't know why, but back then when I read the manga, it didn't make so much sense to me. In this, it felt like it made more sense. Not to mention, it portrayed Kyoraku in a very sweet light for considering Ichigo's human friends, should the worst-case scenario happen.

I know they probably added that adult shinigami giving a child that toy just to showcase how peaceful everything was in one moment and then nothing wasn't anymore, but even so...It's kind of hard to believe considering everything, everything would return like that when the upcoming war was looming over. Then again, even in the real-world humans tend to try to forget all bad, upcoming things and just enjoy peace and little happiness there is...in that way, it was a good shift between 'everything is alright' and in the next moment, nothing will be. Even so...it felt a bit...awkward -at least in my mind. But if not anything else, at least the animation of that tone shift was very neat.

Not much to write about the ending. I felt like it was on purpose done in a more muted way, as a contrast to the beginning which was all bubbly and colorful. (Which merely covered the bubbling problems underneath everything.) The ending was truly from Quincies' POV and showcased how they've lived in the shadows...just like Soul King.

Foreshadowing much, eh?

I'm not sure if the one at the ending was Rangiku who spoke that poem, but it sounded like her? But the poem itself didn't exactly fit her, so I'm unsure who it was this time around...

[shra-vasti]

MOON JUNHUI

Series : To all the boys

Pairing : Moon Junhui x reader

Type : non idol au, ex-couple au

Genre : angst, drama, fluff, romance

Warnings : cheating

Word count : 2k approx

Synopsis : You decided to write some letters to every boy who was a part of your past as your last message after getting diagnosed with chronical disease.

MAIN MASTERLIST

[Received, 12.10.2020] | one | previous | next

You couldn't be in contact with Jun for a long period of time now and you were starting to get used to his absence rather than missing the hell out of him.

You have had talks with Seokmin when he bumped into you few times and you were glad to hear he was finally going out with someone instead of being stuck up on you, you learned her name was Seuji and you were very happy for him feeling a weight was lift off your shoulders.

"I've been talking with a guy from other school."

You casually mumbled scrolling through your Instagram not paying much attention to it.

"You're talking with a guy? What's his name?"

"Yoon Jeonghan."

It was Seokmin who had asked you that question and he was accompanied by Zeny and Dani, all of you sitting on one of the benches which were located at the garden of your university.

"You mean to say Yoon Jeonghan from Hanlim school? As in the one who went to the same coaching class as us?"

The other three were more attentive and interested in your life than you were at this point cause you just nodded your head with a little hum, you weren't even talking with the said guy with much interest but you had been continously talking with him so you thought might as well inform them.

The only people who were currently aware of you being in a relationship with Jun was only Zeny and Andie but Andie was admitted to another University and you asked Zeny to shut her mouth up since you weren't sure about your relationship yourself.

You didn't even spend much time with Jun before he left, both of you did try your best, him being the one to reach out to you more and you didn't quite get the chance to properly be with him as a couple.

But getting used to the university life was sure tiring and most of the nights one of you would just crash down on the bed and sleep not having enough will in the body to stay up and talk with each other.

You knew Jun was trying his best but he was living with his family and being with the family had its own ristrictions as compared to when he was in Korea, living alone in his apartment.

This was the exact reason why you didn't fancy the idea of long distance relationship, you had never been to one before but you had hated it'd idea ever since you were aware of it.

"Why are you talking with him out of all the people?"

You looked at Seokmin raising your eyebrows, you knew he was getting jealous of you talking with someone else but he can't tell you what to do.

"Why? You got some problem with him? Is he that bad? I'm just talking, it's nothing serious."

"He told me the other day that you said you like him but I didn't believe and now you're telling me that you guys are talking."

"I didn't say I like him, I said I like him as in person, it isn't my fault he's so full of himself, don't worry and focus on your own life."

"Just be careful with him y/n."

"Sure, I'm going to meet him after few weeks when he'll be back from his hometown though."

You got up from your spot, packing your stuff and going off towards your next class. Your mind was clouded with Jun but you weren't sure what to do with him and you had a date with Jeonghan too, hanging out with new people instant supposed to be a crime when you're in relationships right?

"Jun come on pick up the phone."

Your heart beat was irregular as you anxiously dialed his number one after the other but he wasn't picking up.

You had met with Jeonghan today and you didn't expect it to turn out like it did. Now that you were back from it, you suddenly remembered about Jun which you had completely forgotten since the last few weeks.

Your breath hitched as you looked at the time, you knew Jun must have return from his college since it was late at night but you weren't sure why he wasn't picking up your calls and you needed to talk with him.

You groaned when he didn't pick up your call for 8th time deciding to just write him a message instead since you were getting drained due to nervousness and as the time passed, you were overthinking about how he would react.

You took a deep breath thinking about how you were going to start, you didn't expect yourself to lose control over your conscious state so easily.

To Jun : Hey, how have you been? I am sorry I couldn't contact you from past few weeks and you were too busy too, I tried calling you so many times because I wanted to talk to you about something but you weren't picking up so this is the only way I could get done with this and not feel anxious. Jun, I'm sorry, I know you would be confused as to why I am apologizing but I'm really really sorry, I'm crying as I write this I'm sorry I betrayed you. I never thought I would get attached with Jeonghan, I didn't think too much while I hungout with him, I genuinely saw him as a friend Jun, but he was so sweet to me and we kind of clicked, I was missing hanging out with you and he was there to fill your spot that I couldn't push him away, your thoughts were completely blocked by the thoughts of him, I forgot about you, I'm so sorry.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you wiped out your tears before hitting the sent button, he wasn't even delivered, he wasn't even online. You took the phone again typing another message.

To Jun : I don't think I can continue our relationship with the guilt I'm carring and you deserve better, I'm sorry I betrayed you like that I wasn't in my right mind I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me but don't blame yourself please, you're my best friend and this just isn't right. I shouldn't have broke your trust like that but whenever I am with Jeonghan I can't think of anything else other than him please don't be angry I really want to apologise for the damaged that I caused but this relationship just wouldn't work, I can't do this, I can't handle long distance relationship well I'm sorry.

You hit the sent button, getting away from the phone and started doing the house chores to keep yourself busy till the time he replied but he didn't.

You finished the chores later and went towards your phone to see if anything was sent but it wasn't which disappointed you as well as made you more anxious, what was in that mind of his.

You went inside the shower to relax your muscles and got dressed and did your night routine before plopping on your bed and tucking yourself inside the blanket.

You got you phone to see just a single message notification, your heart beat increasing as you unlocked the phone.

To y/n : Have you lost your mind? Are you aware what you're trying to say? How can you do this to me? I thought you loved me y/n this isn't a joke. I am studying and working my ass off here just for me to come home to see this? Do you realize how happy I was seeing all those calls and messages from you thinking you just missed me that much only to find out what? That you cheated on me? Is that what you're trying to say? I loved you, I love you so damn much and you did this? You had the nerve to even message me about it y/n, do you realizes you have tore me apart. I don't even know how to behave how dare you? I'm so angry, I did so many things for you, I didn't care about my own reputation just to gain your love and you let it go to waste? Don't you dare contact me after this y/n it's over between us, how will I trust someone else after what you did to me? I'm blocking you, I don't even want to see your face cause I myself don't know if I would be able to control my anger if I did, I hope that you atleast don't cheat him. I hate you y/n I hope you realize what you lost and what you did. Don't contact me or show me your face ever again I'm blocking you.

Your eyes with in tears once again as you read his message again and again, you knew he had blocked you and he was so damn angry. He should be, you deserved his anger.