#we cannot go two days without someone starting drama

[thekatea]

Character analysis - Seong Hyeon

First of all, I don't know what happened, but when I started writing I could not stop and here we are with 5 pages essay 🥲

I want to start with saying: there is a difference between having flaws and being abusive. Jae Min and Su Hyeon are abusive, Seong Hyeon has flaws. Sometimes I question if anything like a “green flag” even exists, because even normal people with a healthy approach, but just normal flaws are somehow red for others. 

THAT SAID, I will address the elephant in the room first - which was his non-consensual kiss with Da On when Da On was completely drunk and Seong Hyeon could not be more sober. This was wrong. There are no buts. It was simply wrong. And the lack of addressing it the next day was also wrong. Do I think this situation automatically makes him a red flag? No. Do I wish it was addressed? Yes. The drama truly did nothing to make this moment more favorable towards Seong Hyeon’s behavior. Dude did not take even one shot. It’s not like one was drunk and the other tipsy. Seong Hyeon was 100% sober. Was it abuse though? No. It was one time extremely shitty behavior that crossed the boundary, because you cannot consent when you are drunk. If he was also drunk, there would be no conversation here - it would be a mutual mistake. But he was sober, so in this situation he should push Da On away and leave. And talk about it the next day. I’m honestly glad Da On said Jae Min’s name, because if he did not… where would it lead? I like to think he would stop, but who fucking knows… 

Moving on to a more “holistic” approach to this double agent - Puppy who turns into Guard Dog when needed. 

I think Seong Hyeon likes the idea of being a good person - it’s something he is proud of. That’s why he helps others without asking for anything in return. BUT where his flaw is - for him intentions are more important than the results. Perfect example is him “saving Da On” and ruining his watch in the process. He is honestly annoyed that his good intention of saving Da On was ignored, and the focus was on the broken watch. He does not necessarily expect anything in return, but he also does not want his good intentions and action to be presented in a bad light. He was annoyed, because Da On saw him as a busybody rather than a helpful person. He wants his efforts to be appreciated and noticed. 

What’s more, I think he values kindness and decency. Basic proper social interactions. Appreciating other people's help, helping others when they struggle, listening to what the other person is saying without interruption, apologizing and accepting an apology. As I said, basic decency. And when he thinks someone does not act according to it, he can be pity as fuck about it (all the turning off AC when Da On feels cold, letting the door go when Da On enters the room). Da On summed it up quite well - he acts childish in situations like that. 

But as childish as he acts, he is also extremely willing to move on from misunderstandings and clear the situation when the other person shows they will to do that too. I honestly think he just wants to live a good and happy life: having a good social circle and positive interactions are a big part of it for him. That’s why he agrees to work with Da On on the project only if the two of them will also work on improving their work relationship. I do think he always takes like half a step too far in how close he wants to get to people, but depending on whom he interacts with it might be both a flaw and a good thing. With Da On who is so guarded and honestly socially isolated (both by his own making and schemes of Jae Min), someone being more upfront is the only way to get to him. 

What I also value a lot is his ability to admit to his mistakes and simply apologize. Which then leads to him actually having good communication with Da On too. Even if they say or do something wrong, they are willing to own up to their mistakes in front of each other. 

I think he has a rather high sense of self-worth, but it’s not blinding his perception. He was obviously showered with love from his grandma, who is also from what we see a rather emotionally wise and stable person - and it also shows in how Seong Hyeon behaves. While Jae Min and Su Hyeon care about themselves above others, Seong Hyeon is willing to care about others more than himself when needed.  Simple example: Seong Hyeon gives up bed for Da On, while he himself sleeps on the floor. Su Hyeon takes the bed, while Da On sleeps on the sofa. 

What I find most important  - he is actually really flexible in his reactions and behaviors. People say he cannot read the room and situations, but for me he reads it quite well. He almost always reacts in the right way even with limited knowledge he has. He knows when it makes sense to ask questions and when to lean more into comfort and distraction. I think he reacts more based on the emotion of the other person, rather than the facts of the situation. Some examples:

Episode 2 when he asks Da On to eat lunch with him (a suggestion Da On agreed to the previous day). Da On is visibly stressed and you can see something is going on. What does Seong Hyeon do when Da On says he won’t have lunch with him? He does not push. Why? Because he sees that Da On is stressed and under the weather and it’s not a good time to push. He does not get annoyed and angry that Da On did not keep his “promise”. Instead he gets worried about him. Worried that he might be sick, worried that he might not be able to eat at all. And so he gets him meds and writes a cute note. From the start he prioritized Da On’s feelings over his own. 

Same episode after Da On’s  father shitshow - this time he insists on eating with Da On. Because he sees how much it hurt him how everyone is gossiping about him, how everyone who complimented him now turned their backs on him. So he wants to make sure Da On knows he is not alone and that he will stand by his side. There is a huge difference between giving someone who overall has a good support system space to calm down, and giving someone who does not have the support system space. In the first case, it will let them breathe, the other will make them feel more abandoned.

Episode 3 and their movie date - he is extremely anxious and curious about Da On’s past with Su Hyeon, but he knows it’s not the right time to ask. So he tries to distract Da On with the happy chat and movie date. Because at that time distraction and comfort was what Da On needed, not more confrontation. BUT he is also assertive and gives Da On’s excuse to at least momentarily remove himself from a stressful situation - taking away his phone and turning it off when they watch the movie “since you are supposed to turn off your phone when watching a movie in cinema” - he saw Da On kept checking his phone stressed, he understood it’s not something Da On can himself just ignore, so he created a perfect external excuse for Da On to lean into. 

And then we have the “Can I hold your hand? If you are not seeing anyone, can I hold your hand?”. Da On did not say yes, but he also for sure did not say no. And yeah it might seem like a consent issue, but for me it’s more about understanding that Da On is simply not a person who says yes, but someone who does not have an issue saying no. I am 100% sure, if Da On said no, or removed his hand after Seong Hyeon held it, Seong Hyeon wouldn’t try to forcefully still hold it. 

Episode 5 when he asks Da On not to like Jae Min - it is a selfish ask. But he also backtracks from it the next sentence asking if he can just stay by his side. At first it might seem like a “smart manipulation” - he asked for something big, but his goal was something smaller he knew Da On would agree on after the first unreasonable ask. But for me it’s a simple reaction to what Da On was saying. Da On did not say “I don’t want to stop liking him”. He said “I am not confident in stopping” and “I’m not as good of a person as you think I am, I will most likely hurt you”. For me, he backtracks not for his own sake, but for Da On’s sake. He does not want to burden Da On and stress him more, but he also wants to make sure Da On knows he is there, and will be there whenever Da On needs him. 

What’s more - he does not take away Da On’s agency, even when he thinks Da On is making a mistake. He might share his opinion, but at the end he does not try to stop him by force or manipulate him away from it. He communicates what he wants and then leaves it to Da On to decide. 

As for him being a “simp” who just sits and waits for Da On no matter how much he hurts him”. Might be wild for some people, but what he is doing right now is exactly what he should be doing if he wants to be with Da On and it has nothing to do with simping, it has everything to do with understanding how Da On feels. You cannot force someone out of abusive relationships, they need to make the decision to leave themselves  - whenever it’s toxic friendship, abusive household, or partner. All you can do is make sure they know you are there for them when they decide to leave so they don’t feel alone. So they know there is something/someone waiting for them outside.. Adding pressure to choose, to take action right away, to make decisions and bold choices is the quickest way for them to push you away more and completely shut down. It’s the perfect way to make sure they will in fact stay with the abuser. 

I also really want to talk about the progression of his scene protecting Da On from Su Hyeon. 

First time it happened was when Su Hyeon wanted to take Da On away after work (episode 3). This happened before Seong Hyeon knew or understood anything about Da On and Su Hyeon’s relationship. He just saw Da On angry and not wanting to go with Su Hyeon so he stepped into action and made a silly excuse. He was trying to de-escalate the situation rather than confront Su Hyeon. Because at that time he did not know confrontation was needed. He probably just saw it as an uncomfortable situation Da On wanted to get away from. He set a soft boundary in a polite manner without provoking Su Hyeon.

Second confrontation happened during the “office meeting” that Su Hyeon orchestrated to basically intimidate Seong Hyeon. Was Seong Hyeon intimidated? No. I think this is when Seong Hyeon starts to grasp what kind of person Su Hyeon is and he is not willing to play the games. He is confident in his answers, but still keeps it polite/proper for a working environment. 

And then we have the glorious epic scene in front of Da On’s house. This time he knows Su Hyeon is not just some random guy from Da On’s past. Based on all the previous situations, he knows it’s more serious and it’s not just about Da On feeling uncomfortable, it’s about his safety. And that’s why, compared to previous situations, he does not stand on the side, he puts himself directly between Su Hyeon and Da On. And that’s when he starts to point out how out of line Su Hyeon acts. 

That moment when he puts Da On behind his back more - it was a reaction to Su Hyeon threatening to harm Seong Hyeon and I think Seong Hyeon understand Da On is willing to put up with a lot to protect people he cares for, so him pushing Da On more behind his back was not only to protect him, but also a way to reassure him he does not have to give in and that Seong Hyeon is willing to stand up for him. That the threats do not work on him, and they should not on Da On. The way he stood firm and did not even blink or backed away or try to fight with more aggression when Su Hyeon grabbed his collar. 

But you know what’s more important? That he is firm and does not give in to Su Hyeon, but is also not physically stopping Da On from leaving. He asked him to stay, to not go with Su Hyeon, but he does not try to actually stop him. He makes his wants perfectly clear, while also giving Da On the freedom to make that choice, even if he disagrees with it. It’s Da On’s decision and he respects it. Even if it hurts. Seong Hyeon does not lash out, just asks Da On not to leave - not because he is "choosing" a different man, but because he is scared for his safety.

Side confrontation was the asshole “university friends”. His eyes were again locked on Da On. His reaction and what he said was constructed in a way that does not make Da On look good. He had no issue being vulnerable and saying he likes Da On alone. He set the bounty of how the dudes should behave interacting with Da On. He did not argue, did not make a scene. He cleared the situation, set the bounty and right away got Da On away from that place. Why? Because Da On is his priority. “I don’t like seeing people I care about get hurt” - this is what separates him from Jae Min and Su Hyeon who have no issue not only seeing the person they “care about and like” be hurt, they also have no issue hurting that person as long as it means they can “keep him”. 

Another thing is how technically both Seong Hyeon and Jae Min keep “helping” Da On without Da On asking. With Jae Min, Da On feels uncomfortable and in debt, he asks Jae Min to stop. With Seong Hyeon he feels grateful, wants to thank him, but does not tell him to stop. Why? Because Da On reacts to the unspoken intention behind the help. There are things that do not need to be said, but you can feel it. Jae Min helps because he wants Da On to feel like he owns him. While Seong Hyeon helps simply because he wants to help and he makes sure Da On understands it “I’m giving without expecting anything in return. You can always be on the receiving end.” Technically both Jae Min and Seong Hyeon verbally said something similar, and yet Da On believes only one of them. He only starts to reject Seong Hyeon's help when he tries to separate himself from him, to protect him from Su Hyeon. 

Then we have the confession - be it on Da On, or the other’s side. When Da On confessed to Jae Min, Jae Min got pissed. Why? Because his focus was on how that confession hurts HIS plan. On the other hand when Seong Hyeon confessed to Da On, he told him he does not need to reply. Why? “I’m afraid he’ll feel uneasy”. His concern was Da On’s feelings about his confession, not his own situation. 

Similar shit constantly happens with Su Hyeon too. Every interaction that includes Su Hyeon, Daon and Seong Hyeon we have: Su Hyeon focusing on Seong Hyeon and trying to intimidate and piss him off, and Seong Hyeon focusing on Da On, watching his reactions and emotions and trying to act accordingly to them. 

At the end of the day, Seong Hyeon might be a flawed person, but he knows how to say thank you, I’m sorry. He knows how to ask for advice and how to give it. He knows how to help others and receive it himself. He does not calculate his every move, he is an open and honest book. And that honesty, transparency, but also stable force that does not budge and is willing to wait is exactly what Da On needs. 

[gatheredfates]

I said I was going to do a new drive for the New Year! It's a teensy bit late, but it's the thought that counts.

Hi! My name is Sea, and I like to collect things. 💙

Specifically, as of February this year, I have made it my mission to collect as many resources for the Final Fantasy community as I can; including, but not limited to: Communities, Events, Free Companies, How-To Guides, Lore, Tools and more! I have compiled them into Sea's Community Compendium for FFXIV Creatives, a venture I hope will service as a directory for new and old FFXIV players alike to find places and things they might not otherwise know about, and I'm proud to say that the Compendium has over a hundred individual entries!

...But I want more.

Specifically, as much as this is a call to introduce new people to the Compendium, it is a call for anyone who might know of specific resources/communities that not in the document to take a moment's time out of their day to let me know about them. You can submit specific resources via:

My tumblr dm's.

This handy google form.

Or SEAFLOOR, my support and social community for the Compendium and adjacent projects.

You do not need to be a resource/server owner to submit; there just needs to be a publicly accessible link. ✨

Projects like mine equally cannot survive without the support of the community. If you like what I do, please reblog this post or share it with your friends; post it in your community servers or link it on your social media(s). The more visibility I get, the larger the Compendium becomes and the more likely you are to find a resource or community to suit your needs.

Okay, but really, Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. This is all publicly available on the document.

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads. (Though these get posted to the SEAFLOOR Tumblr Community when I find them!)

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include IC tabloid blogs or other ventures used to generate roleplay.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Modding outside of general how-to guides and compendiums of a similar spirit to this. This is for no other reason other than I do not want the document to be drowned in mod-related links.

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

I want to put my community on the Compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my Community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community/resource on the Compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it. The same goes for resources; if it's relevant to the game, it'll be useful to someone.

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, contact me asap!

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[uroboros55]

so hey hi, i present to you the shortest cartetgigi fic, sb in carlos discord joked about caco waiting for the trio to finish kissing so they could take the pic with fire extinguisher and here we are now...

pls caco we are still waiting for the pic

Caco is going to kill his cousin.

Just straight up go to him and kill him. His uncle will understand why Caco did it, and so will his aunt. They know how dealing with Carlos Jr. is.

Caco loves his cousin. He and Carletes were brought up together, and they were always close to each other in a way only two boys surrounded by a sea of sisters can be. Carlos always supported Caco, and Caco did the same to his cousin, even when Carlos did not believe in himself as much as his family did.

Carletes was always like a younger brother to Caco. He was always the small thing close to Caco and his friends, who wanted to feel included. Caco still remembers how some of the boys made fun of how close he was to his cousin, how they tried to make fun of Carlos, or take his kindness and use it to their advantage. Caco made sure they were no longer close to his family. He has always been protective of Carlos, and it did not change even when they grew up and Carletes started to be his own person and made his place in Formula 1.

Caco still remembers when his uncle sat him down while Carletes was still a scrawny kid, fighting in go-karts, and told him how other kids made fun of him and used Carlos's kindness to push him off. His uncle, the El Matador in the family, asks his teenage nephew to look out for his younger cousin. Caco just puffed at that, already looking out for his brother. He never stopped doing that. He was there for him during the happy times, and the bad times, he hugged and picked him up after each time, he fought for him during Toro Rosso days, and in that Renault, he made sure that McLaren was ready for Carlos, and he made sure that Ferrari deal was good to go before Carlos signed the contract. He also picked his cousin up when they had to go from Ferrari to Williams, not losing the optimist and trying to make sure Carlos would get a place he could stay for longer.

But right now, he wants to kill Carlos. He is pretty sure he could do it without anyone noticing.

Despite the p3, Caco is pissed. At the race, the clownery the red team did, at Charles for acting like a crybaby, at the media, and at the fans for only talking about the drama. He has spent at least an hour talking with the social media team, trying to control the damage, he sat down with Silvia and decided what to do to let fans know that yes C2 is okay and still good. He had to listen to Fred talk with his French accent and act like he cares about the red team, cause Carlos never burns bridges, even though Caco had some ideas on how to destroy Ferrari before they go to Williams.

He did all that while Carlos hid in his driver’s room with his fucking boyfriends.

And not, the fact that he has a boyfriend is not a problem, neither is the fact that it’s not one but two. The problem is that Caco did all he had to do, and he wants his fricking photo with the fire extinguisher. And he cannot do that while Carlos and the trophy and half of their team are gone.

Caco did call the three of them a few times and left a bunch of angry messages in the group chat and in private chats. He learned his lesson a long time ago when he got into the room to see Carlos getting freaky with his partners. He loves his cousin but even he has his limits. And seeing Carlos like that is a big fat no from Caco.

He knows Teto from Carlos's karting days. One of the few of those scrawny kids who never took advantage of Carlos, instead making sure Carlos was okay and that he knew he had someone on the track who had his back. Carlos's calm is the opposite of Teto’s fire, the way he is always ready to protect his close one. The way Carlos is always diplomatic and tries to mediate contrasts with how unapologetic loud and passionate Teto is. Teto never forgets somebody who did something wrong to Carlos, and he might be one of the few people outside of the Sainz family that Caco trusts 100%. It was no surprise when Teto and Carlos finally got how much they wanted to be together and figured it out.

Carlos was smitten from the first time he saw Teto, but it took them almost 10 years to figure it out. Even longer to act on his feelings, to allow himself to have it while still being in Formula 1, in the spotlight, when one bad move could end his career.

And Caco was ready for the moment when somebody tried to make use of that fact about Carlos and Teto, about their love. He was ready to fight and bite and make sure his cousin and Teto would be alright even if they wouldn’t come out on their own terms.

And Caco likes Teto. He likes how Carlos is happy with him, and how he makes sure Carlos has his support system outside of the Sainz family. How he knows Carlos so well he just knows what to do even before Carlos asks for it.

So, when he sees the longing looks between his cousin and the new trainer he got when Rupert changed his teams, Caco is a little bit shocked. He knows that Teto and Carlos are going strong, that they are still very much in love if the amount of times Teto is around anything to go by. But the way Carlos looks at Pierluigi, the way the trainer's hands tend to rest on Carlos makes Caco feel uneasy.

So, he says something.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” he says to Carlos, while the two of them sit in the villa in Mallorca. Most of the Sainz family went to bed, and Caco and Carlos still sitting outside, the dogs asleep close to them.

“Hm?” asks Carlos, not really following what Caco is talking about. He looks a little bit like that kid that used to follow Caco around, with the old Senior shirt on, in swim trunks still on him, shoes long forgotten. If Caco thinks hard enough he can hear his mom and aunt Reyes screaming at Carlos to wear some flip-flops and stop bringing dirt into their house. Mallorca makes Carlos look softer like he is still a child, maybe a teenager, and not a 30-year-old man.

 “I get that Gigi is a good guy. A great one even. For fuck’s sake he is going with us to Williams. But he is no Teto, remember Carletes,” says Caco, taking a sip from his beer. It’s a little too warm for his taste, but he won’t complain now.

Carlos does not answer for a while. He plays with the label on his bottle, the tick he had ever since he started drinking. Caco is pretty sure he won’t reply when he finally hears his cousin's calm voice.

“It’s not like that with Gigi,” he starts, still not looking up from his bottle. “Me and Teto… we would never do anything to hurt each other. You know it. I love him. But I also love Gigi. And Gigi loves me back. And even before all of that happened, it was Teto who brought it up. He was the one who talked with both of us. And I was so afraid of all of it, that I would wake up one day and both of them would leave me or tell me that I’m disgusting that I cannot choose, and why can’t I be normal. I always thought that something was wrong with me you know this.”

Caco is speechless. He lets Carlos speak.

“But we talked. And they are both happy with our case. They do not think I'm disgusting or that I am some kind of freak. And they are so good to me, and I think I might love both of them and I need you Caco to be okay with it cause I'm not going to leave them or just pretend I don’t love them and I'm sorry,” and while Carlos speaks, he is breathing louder and louder, and Caco knows he is close to crying. His little cousin was always way too gentle for the world. Never learned how to bite. But he was also never afraid to be himself.

So Caco does the only thing he can do. He gets closer to Carlos, hugs him, and kisses his big ass forehead. Carlos hugs him back and cries quietly on his shoulder. It’s not a happy cry, more like a cleansing one, Caco can feel the tension leaving Carlos's shoulder while he sobs.

And when they go back to the real world, Carlos is acting more… freely. He lets himself blush and smile around both Gigi and Teto, he seems to smile more and spends more and more time on his bike and going out, instead of sitting at home, trying to forget that he will be at the back of the grid next year.

And Caco can see how both Gigi and Teto take care of Carlos. In how gentle Gigi is with him, and how Teto always makes sure Carlos is not too much in his head. How Gigi hugs him even more than ever, knowing how much Carlos depends on the physical touch. And how Teto makes Carlos laugh so much. How both of them are working like a well-oiled machine to make sure Carlos is okay.

Unfortunately, that little shit, who sometimes is called Caco’s cousin has gotten way too comfortable. Caco has lost count of how many times has he found Carlos with either of his partners in compromising positions, or even worse with both of them. Once he was let into Carlos's room by Teto while Gigi and Carlos were taking a shower. Caco still shudders when he remembers that.

He even posts on his social media that the long-awaited photo is a work in progress before calling Carlos for the 2194399494 times since he went with Gigi and Teto. He does not pick up, and Caco is getting ready to go and see whatever is going on in Carlos's room when finally, he sees Teto around the corner. Soon after he follows Gigi and Carlos.

For fuck’s sake. Carlos looks like got fucked all the way to Friday. His hair is disheveled, and his big lips look even bigger and redder like somebody spent a long time biting them. He also has a shirt that not only is on the left side but also does not look like Carlos's shirt at all. Caco is pretty sure it's Gigi’s, given how loose it's in the bicep. And that dopy look on his face, like he already forgot about the shit show that has been this race.

Gigi’s hair is also tousled, but at least he looks presentable. The same could be said about Teto’s whose hair looks as good as ever (Caco is a little bit salty about it. He mostly has gray hair by now, while Teto’s lion's mane is still as glorious as ever).

“Fucking finally, I have been calling for at least half an hour,” exclaims Caco, putting the phone in his pocket. “We need to make the photo and then finally go, vamos!”

When his cousin finally passes him, Caco can see the big hickeys no makeup or clothing will hide. His neck looks like he was attacked by wild animals.

Caco will kill his cousin.

[pumpkinsy0]

I was reading your hcs on the Curtis family's extended fam and was wondering if you could do hcs for some of them trying to reach out to Pony (for whatever reason) and darry flipping tf out because he knows alllllll thr family lore and drama and is pissrd they're trying to reach out NOW when it was radio silence when their parents died

ok for context, so we r all on the same page for those who didnt read those post from a while ago, i think mrs curtis was a soc and mr curtis was a greaser, he got her pregnant, they tried hiding it for a while, slipped up, they both were shunned, they ran away, and boom never talked to extended family again👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

AND FOR CLARIFICATION!!!! neither of the families have talked to each other ever, so while ponys talking to em both, they have 0 clue the other also reached out

•NOW!!!!! who was it who started the communication??? ill say it was mr curtis’ side of the family. those guys r way more family oriented and some of them DO regret what they did those years ago so they would b the ones to reach out

•on the soc side of their fam, i rlly only see their grandpa reaching out without telling any one else (mrs curtis was a huge daddys girl). he still doesnt rlly support what ole girl did but he would like to hear back from her

•ponys the one who usually gets the mail bc he comes earlier than the other 2 and the gang just tends to forget they even HAVE a mailbox somehow. he got both letters but they were both sent like a few weeks apart, pony got one, didnt know how to respond waited a while to figure out wtf to do and if it was even real, then got the another one

•thing he was scared most about was how in the WORLD they got their address, but he has theirs too. if u want maybe he has someone he trust (not darry and soda🙄🙄 ) to go see the greaser part of his familys house, not to meet em, only to see if its real. its just outside tulsa and yknow whhaatttt, the house is there lookin all run down and the older guys out on that front yard r look ooddllyyy fammilliiaaarrr hmmmmmm

•he wont even TRY going to the soc place, but yknow what, truly nothing bad will happen if he did respond to em. they already know his mom and (kind of) dads full name, where they lived, personal info, if they wanted to ruin them they wouldve already, so just reply, to both of em🗣️🗣️

•it went back and forth for a little while, nothing too crazy just had to break the news that who they were trying to contact died a while ago, no big deal, but at least they know their grandsonnn/nephewwww thats a good thingggg. PONYS (somewhat) NOT THAT STUPID THO!! hes not giving out their info willy nilly, he only went by a fake name just in case and they mayyyy or mayyy not think theyre talking to an only child. they both wanna meet pony but hes made it very clear that hes not ready (which isnt a LIE but he just mainly doesnt want to risk them being seen together and get caught)

•annyyy who, between making sure the two families arent aware of the other reaching out, making sure he doesnt slip up and ponys own personal problems, no duh he gets stressed and fumbles by leaving the letters out, which darry finds and like u said is pissed. he didnt want to tell soda and pony about their extended family, even if he did, HE wanted to b the one to do it to lay it easy on em. that anger is also towards pony i cannot lie, what hes doing is very dangerous

•soda on the other hand, curious more than anything, asking questions left and right “what r they like”, “do we have any pictures of em hidden”, “what if theyre secretly using us for something they want”, that whole shebang

•when mrs curtis left her family, she was pregnant w darry so talking to the ppl that abandoned his parents in a way “bc of him”??? cant say he has a huge want to see those guys or keep them in communication. their oarents always said they dont want to talk to em, but if their kids ever want to they can cause at the end of the day hey, they cant control what they do all they ask is for them to not get them in that loop and darry wants to respect that

•this is one of the things where they do not tell the gang, really only bc they dont know how to handle this, at all and dont want this blown out of proportion. eventually theyll tell the gang but not anytime soon for their own sanity

[true-illusion]

So, I finally got round to watching the new Doctor Who season.

I had lost interest since Clara became the companion and after Peter Capaldi was the Doctor. I only watched two episodes of Jodi Whitaker - the first episode and the one with John Barrowman and Jo Martin. I thought both episodes were rubbish. Plus, it took effort to find and download the show, so I stopped watching. I haven’t gotten round to the Tennant specials cos I thought they were just nostalgia bait.

So, I was very sceptical, going in to Ncuti Gatwa’s era. I worried it would be another snooze fest that was more interested in being PC and box-ticking than telling a good story. But I had nothing else to do, and it was on Disney, so I turned it on.

IT WAS SO GOOD. I binge watched the whole thing in two days.

I could definitely see Russell T. Davis’ hand in it. It felt like the Eccleston and Tennant era episodes. It was exciting and fun and funny, but not too silly. They made a social point without being too preachy. Ncuti Gatwa is growing on me - I think the binge watching format made it harder to sink in that, "yes, he’s the Doctor". But I’m getting there.

But, I think it was Ruby that carried the season. There were quite a few Rose-type moments. But she was different enough to be her own person. I liked Ruby overall. She was sweet, she felt genuine, and she was not forced into that “sassy/arrogant” characterisation. I was invested in her story.

Her mum was not bad - Jackie Tyler was still better, imo, cos though she had a heart of gold, she still had her flaws. Ruby’s mum was just too perfect. Gran was hilarious though. I want more scenes with Gran just waiting for someone to finally give her a cuppa.

[ALERT: SPOILERS AHEAD]

Some episodes were better than others. Episode 2 “The Devil’s Chord” was AMAZING; it is the episode I want to go back and rewatch. They should have incorporated “American Pie” into it at some point. Haha! Jinkx Monsoon as the Maestro was brilliant. It was so larger-than-life and over-the-top, it was fantastic. Only thing I hated was the twist song at the end. Cringe.

Episode 5 “Dot and Bubble” was also amazing because of how disturbing it was. How people cannot function - cannot look at the world, can't even walk - without the devices, how Lindy sacrificed Ricky to save herself, how they refused to let the Doctor save them in the end. It felt like a reflection of our society and the trajectory we could be on.

Episode 1 “Space Babies” was pretty lame. If I had seen that first instead of the Christmas episode, I might have not continued. The babies were just cringe, and the snot monster… ugh. Plus, with the space station and giving Ruby universal roaming which she immediately called her mum with - it was a bit too much like Eccleston’s Doctor and Rose’s first outing.

The Christmas episode itself also wasn’t great, but it introduced the characters and the season's central mystery well, and got me interested in them. The episode reminded me of Labyrinth. “Magic Dance” kept running through my head. The bad-luck goblins were funny. Unfortunately, this Goblin King is no David Bowie. Also, no sinister robot Santas or killer Christmas trees that were a staple of past Christmas specials. It irked me a bit that the entire season’s central mystery might have been solved if the Doctor had just went up to Ruby’s mother then. He knew she was looking for her mother. He knew they couldn’t go back cos he couldn’t cross his own timeline. So why didn’t he go to her?? (Ok, then there wouldn’t be drama for the rest of the season. Lol!)

Episode 3 “Boom” was also weak. It tried to deal with strong themes - war, family, faith. It introduced interesting technology. But the story itself doesn’t hold up too well. The way the war started and continued was just too far fetched. I thought it was cool that majority of the thing took place just in that one crater though.

Meanwhile, other episodes left question marks. Episode 4 “73 Yards” was good (I loved the Welsh landscape), but a bit too much of building up to something and then it’s an anticlimax. Eg the people at the pub building up to some horror movie scenario, and then it was just some delivery person at the door. Roger just running away and giving up politics just like that? Maybe I just wasn’t paying full attention, but it was a bit too timey-wimey and weird. What was it that the woman said to all those people to make them run away screaming? Was she really Ruby all along? Where was the Doctor all that time?

And episode 6 “Rogue”… silly story with the cosplaying aliens, but it was a nice bit of fun after “Dot and Bubble”. It made me laugh the way they kept referencing Bridgerton, and how the characters were all about the Drama, with a capital D. The resolution of Ruby pretending to be the Chuldur was very disappointing bait-and-switch. But I love Rogue. I want to see more of him. Why couldn’t he stay? He could be the new Captain Jack Harkness (not that anyone could replace Capt Jack Harkness). Rogue and the Doctor together was something special (and not just in the sexual way). I want him as another companion. But the way it ended, I don’t think we’d see him again.

I don’t have much to say about the last two finale episodes, “The Legend of Ruby Sunday” and “Empire of Death”. It was a rollercoaster. It was intense. It was a bit too “Bad Wolf”. There was a lot going on but I’m not really sure what was happening. I liked seeing Kate from UNIT and the old companion Mel. Kate’s “sign out” line made me emotional. Unfortunately, she didn’t stay dead in the end. I also never watched the old episodes with Sutekh, so I don’t think I got it. The scale of the destruction was just too big in this story. The Doctor just randomly going down to that planet to get the spoon… why? If Sutekh could track dead skin cells then why couldn’t he get to the Doctor instead of through Mel? And just conveniently, the DNA test law pops up. Did Ruby find her mother in the database or not? The end resolution with the magic rope and thingy felt, again, like more bait-and-switch. I was intrigued about the concept of how Ruby’s mother is not actually important except that they had placed importance on her, thereby imbuing her with more worth. But I don’t get why Sutekh couldn’t see her or why he cared. But again, maybe I wasn’t paying full attention. The end ending was sweet - how the Doctor didn’t think Ruby should go talk to her mother but Ruby did it anyway and it worked out well. And then more questions at the end. Who exactly is that neighbour woman?

I hope Ruby returns next season. Honestly, I watched this season more for her than for the Doctor. I'm glad I gave this season a chance. I’ll watch next season, for sure.

[psychopersonified]

Dissecting the Execution - Episode 7, S2

Ok now that I’ve somewhat swept up the ashes of my emotional sanity (ha! See what I did there?) and stabilised it with craft glue (don’t get me wet guys, it won’t hold)… I’m going to pick a bone with the execution scene.

It was… ‘mild’ in comparison to the other violence, horror and drama we’ve seen. I don’t mean the actual burning, that was gruesome, but the acquiescence of both Claudia and Madeline and to a large extent Lestat too.

Yes they were defiant, but accepting of their fate. I could examine this deeper and say if it were me, I’d cave even before the trial started (I’m a self professed coward). But this is Claudia and Lestat, the two fiercest daddy-daughter vampires around.

That telescope focal point was an unmoving spot on stage. Roll, tumble or fling yourself out of the spot. Their captures cannot physically hold them to the spot without getting hurt themselves.

Armand, crack that lens - shove it out of alignment. He spent all his energy on mind controlling the inconsequential audience. Didn’t Marius teach you renaissance science??

Lestat, who scared the sh1t out of the audience at Renauds in the old days, who rose up in the middle of a church service like the Devil himself - fucking go mental, go to town on the audience. Salt the earth. Even Claudia and Madeline, make an exit the mortals will remember. Burn the theatre down (figuratively) so the vampires have nowhere to hide. The Theatre vamps clearly don’t understand compound interest rates and still depend on Sugardaddy!Lestat for money.

Now all that said… this is ARMAND telling us how the end came about. And we book nerds know there was -more-…. Is he downplaying? The show had a mortal audience as witness. Unless the Coven had enough mind wipe powers to inveigle on an entire theatre, I’m going to assume they all walked out faculties intact after a ‘spectacular’ show. What if someone wrote a review of it in some obscure publication? A surviving copy of it makes it way to the Talamasca database, they were watching them after all. And what if the copy ends up on Daniel’s laptop? And what if Daniel uses it challenge Armand on the truth…….? Would this be enough to cause another detonation? One that they’ve teased us about?

*Packing up my literal soapbox*. Time to go fireproof myself for next week 😉

[clearlyundefeyened]

☀️Spoiler for Sunrise on the Reaping🎼 What's your first impression or thought after finished the book? What's the most shocking or aha! moments for you? What's your opinion of

Haymitch

Other District 12 people

Katniss' ancestry

Capitol people (Effie, Plutarch, Drusilla etc)

Many past victors. What was revealed about THG universe that you liked/disliked? In your opinion, please rate this book with 1-10 scale (and you can give reason why do you give those rating). Thank you so much :) @curiousnonny

Yay, questions! Hard to believe it's been two months since release day! Wall of text below the cut:

What's your first impression or thought after finished the book?

First impressions: I really enjoyed it. I’ve only read it the one time so far, but am hoping to read the entire series again to digest everything now that we have Sunrise. 

I know there’s been some criticism with the “fan service” we got (the names of Katniss’ parents/Mr. Mellark, Katniss being a distant descendant of the Covey, the amount of previous victors, EFFIE, etc), but honestly, I love world building and I’ve loved this series for so long, I’ll take whatever info drops we can get. I WOULD be ok with this being the final book though. 

What's the most shocking or aha! moments for you?

Most shocking moment? Ampert. Or rather, Ampert revealing his father is Beetee. As soon as I saw that, my thought was “aw fuck” because we obviously know Ampert isn’t the winner of the SQQ. 

(despite the fact that it's explicitly stated he's 12 years old, I pictured Ampert as the Pokémon Rancher sprite from Pokémon Diamond/Pearl. I still cannot get the visual out of my head).

Lou Lou was a mind fuck too. 

OH! And Haymitch NOT being a drinker at the beginning despite working with alcohol! I really thought it was going to be set up as him already drinking for fun (he was a teenager with access to liquor. I didn’t start drinking until I was older than he was, but there were a lot of field parties when I was in school).

What's your opinion of?

1. Haymitch:

I loved Haymitch from the first time I read The Hunger Games and that hasn’t changed. I just feel even more sad for him now that we know what happened to his family and Lenore Dove. I know he mentions losing them after he comes home from his Games, but I didn’t expect him to be that hung up on Lenore Dove. I guess I didn’t really picture Haymitch dating after the series ends but not because he’s still talking to his dead girlfriend’s ghost. I’m not judging him though. 

AND I DON’T CARE WHAT HE SAYS IN HIS EPILOGUE, HE IS AROUND FOR THE TOAST BABIES. 

(I thought him falling off the stage at the 74th reaping was hilarious when I read the first book but now I feel sad because it was his birthday)…

2. Other District 12 people:

As someone who grew up in a rural area, a lot of the District 12 connections were the standard run of the mill small town, rural community connections. I really didn’t bat an eye at Haymitch being friends with Burdock. I had teachers who went to school with my classmates parents. Some of my friends in high school, their parents were friends with other friends parents when they were younger and grew apart. 

Love, love, love the Haymitch vs. Clerk Carmine drama. In a happier, alternate universe, I can picture CC being the type to "polish his gun" when Haymitch picks up LD for a date.

3. Katniss' ancestry:

I’m really not bothered by her being a descendent of the Covey. Again, I grew up in a small area and I’m distant relatives with people I went to school with but didn’t know well. Heck, I found out off a 23andMe that my best friend from high school is my fourth cousin, so that could be Burdock and Lenore Dove for all we know. I assume there’s only so many families in 12 you can intermingle with before there starts to be crossovers in the family tree. 

4. Capitol people:

I know she has her flaws, but I love Effie and I enjoyed seeing her again. Could things have progressed without her? Maybe, but I do think it makes sense for her and Haymitch to have worked together for a long time leading up to Hunger Games 74. 

Plutarch: 100% made sense for him to be as involved as he was. Although I’d be so stressed if I were him, having to calculate what I’m going to say and how I’m going to work as a rebel right under Snow’s nose. I would not be able to keep up the facade he did. 

Drusilla: I imagined a stereotypical chain smoking, wrinkly older woman who clearly hates her life and takes it out on everyone else. Think Angela from 90 Day Fiancé. 

They better keep the slap scene in the movie. 

5. The past victors:

I was fine with it. I think their appearances made sense. I figured Mags would appear given she’s one of the earliest victors, but Wiress’ appearance did surprise me a bit. I didn’t expect her to have won a year prior to Haymitch. I think I assumed she was much older than him? I thought maybe we’d see Chaff but I would guess Haymitch got to know him when the 51st Games started. 

What was revealed about THG universe that you liked/disliked?

I liked getting the names of Katniss’ parents. I was 50/50 on whether or not we’d get them, and I was ok if we didn’t. But I’m also nosy and I like knowing as much as possible. 

I definitely picked up on District 12 seemingly being better off during this book vs. The Hunger Games and Catching Fire. Haymitch going to the candy shop on a regular basis and getting tricked by Maysilee is vastly different to Katniss and Prim's District 12.

I don’t know if there’s anything I overly disliked from the book itself, but I don’t like the theories about “Annie was replaced, Peeta was replaced,” etc. Just because something happened once doesn't mean it happens in every single Hunger Games.

In your opinion, please rate this book with 1-10 scale (and you can give reason why do you give those rating).

I think I’d give it 8/10 right now. Again, I’ve only read it once so far.

I really enjoyed getting back into the world of Panem, and Sunrise reminded me of why I fell in love with The Hunger Games.

I don’t know where to rank it with the other books. Catching Fire was my favourite, and I think it still is, but my reread of Mockingjay a few months ago had it creeping up the ladder. Either way, all the books hold a special place in my heart. 

Thank you! @curiousnonny 😊

[vodkawriter]

AND FINALLY... not too happy with the result but I need to get this idea out of my head.

The one thing that Sam wanted, was to have one normal day. She loved the ghosts, but she needed a day off.

“Still hiding from the kids?” Jay asked with a smile while chopping some carrots.

“It’s not hiding if they know where I am” she answered returning the smile “now shut it, let me finish this before one of them barges in with a special request.”

“Hey Sam” Alberta crossed the wall to the kitchen, where Sam was typing on her laptop, attempting to finish an article about the latest scandal involving the Farnsby’s unpermitted pickleball court “there’s something wrong with Hetty and Trevor. Usually, Trevor is all about watching one of his movies at least once a day.”

“Okay? And that’s weird because?”

“Because he has been laying on the couch at the library and Hetty is also there, looking out of the window.” She replied giving Sam a pointed look.

“What is it? Update?��� Jay asked leaning close to her.

“Apparently Alberta is worried because Trevor didn’t want to watch one of his rom-coms and he is at the library with Hetty just doing nothing.”

“That’s weird, ‘no pants’ is always up for a good 90’s rom-com.”

Sam did think that was weird, she got up and went to find them with Alberta following right behind. Jay shouting to ask her to inform him of the drama, later.

The blonde stopped short when she spotted a young girl at the front desk.

“Oh, hello there!” she greeted her potential guest “Welcome to the Woodstone B&B.”

The girl, who mustn’t have been more than sixteen, turned to look at her. Her auburn wavy hair was adorned with a headband that prevented it from going to her face, her blue eyes focused on her and a gentle smile graced her lips.

“Hello, I’d like a room, please”

“Um, you have to be at least eighteen for that” the blonde said.

“I just need a night, I promise I won’t cause any trouble” the girl insisted, looking at her pleadingly.

“I am so sorry, but I can’t. I could get into a lot of trouble if someone finds out.”

“No one will, I promise” oh those blue eyes were trouble “I just need to stay here for a night, it’s hard to explain but long story short, my parents lived here.”

“What? The only person who lived here was an old lady”

Flower, Sass, Isaac and Pete were watching everything from the stairs.

“According to a letter they left for me” she said while pulling out a letter from her backpack “she was gone for a whole year while they were here.”

Thor, Hetty and Trevor appeared right behind Alberta and just stared at the girl.

“You can read the letter” the red head said, giving her the letter.

Sam started reading and her eyes opened up in shock, she glanced at Trevor and Hetty and back to the letter. All the other ghosts were looking at them while whispering among themselves.

Dearest daughter, my sweet little princess:

It is with a heavy heart that we write you this letter, we know that you might have a thousand questions and no answers as to why we had to part from you. Unfortunately, we are not in the position to answer them, we cannot without sounding like two crazy people. There are a lot of uncertain things surrounding our goodbyes, but know this, the only certain thing we can and will always assure you is… that we love you very much.

One day, when you are older, we hope that you find the answers you may want at the only place we can think of: Woodstone Manor. We have been blessed with a year with the house to ourselves, the lady of the house having gone to another city.

Please, dear Haven, never forget that the hardest choice of our lives, was to give you up.

P.S: Please, I’m begging you to never date a guy, or at least to wait until you are like thirty or something. Dudes can be schmucks (I’d know because I am a dude).

P.S 2: Do not mind your father, he is a little protective right now. But as your mother I must warn you, no Irish men.

Love, your mother and father (H&T).

“This can’t be possible, right?” she asked around, eyes landing on the couple that were looking more and more captivated by the girl.

“What is it?” Jay said walking out of the kitchen, Sam gave him the letter and he looked as shocked as her after reading it. Looking at the girl then to Trevor and Hetty “HOW?”

“Samantha, I think it would be best if the girl is not here for this conversation” Hetty started, walking closer to the girl and looking at her as if she wanted to memorize every single detail “I know this must be shocking but we, all of us, haven’t told you about the last months of 2006.”

“Haven is my daughter” said Trevor stepping up next to the girl.

“And mine too” added Hetty with a small smile.

[queenofthursday6599-blog]

Vi, stands for...

So I'm currently trying to come up with an Arcane AU where Vi isn't ever in Stillwater.

So the set up of the AU is that instead of using whatever the Runeterra equivalent of chloroform is on Vi when he kidnaps her (because honestly what the fuck was he even doing carrying that around? Is that just part of the standard Enforcer kit? We never see any other ones use it. Was he planning to kidnap someone else? Does he use it recreationally?), Marcus just whacks her on the back of the head, something I actually believe Enforcers would be trained to do.

Due to Vi's brain already being sufficiently rattled from the numerous hits to the head she's already taken over the last couple days. When she doesn't rouse from unconsciousness while getting lugged back up to Piltover a couple minutes after getting grabbed, Marcus freaks out worried he's killed this child he was attempting (in his own fucked up way) to save.

So he takes her to the hospital. Where she stays laid up as the Piltover equivalent of a Jane Doe for the next two weeks. Yeah, full blown coma.

Anyways when she wakes up the girl is a full blown amnesiac, only lucky enough to get away with the absolute basic skills like being able to use the toilet, walking, talking, and feeding herself. All she has left of any kind of identity is what the doctors and nurses taking care of her can assume is a nickname.

Vi.

While a vast majority of Piltoveans have no love for people of the Undercity, that's because they generally exist in the abstract to them. But for the people who've been caring and interacting with Vi for the past month, before and after she woke up, it's very, very clear, that this is a living breathing child, who's been rendered a complete amnesiac with no idea who she is, or where to go back to.

So the Kiramman family do end up involved, because they want to know why exactly their new sheriff is spending so much time at the hospital, and personally paying the medical bills of a random amnesiac teenager. Who is most likely from the Undercity.

With the Kiramman family eventually taking over the sponsorship and financial care of Vi, they never take direct physical custody.

Vi actually ends up in the care of the Talis family, specifically under Ximena's care and custody.

Caitlyn took up visiting Vi in the hospital after learning about her, and eventually starts dragging Jayce to those visits not long after.

With him eventually ending up mentioning the amnesiac girl the Kirammans are sponsoring to his mother, Ximena.

Who insists Jayce must take Real Food to this poor girl, or else, because growing children cannot subsist on hospital food.

And anyways while Jinx has a surplus of fathers, I've decided Vi should have an equal number of mothers and fathers in this AU, but also an older brother.

[My sibling Jayce and Vi agenda is showing, but it's fine, because Vi needs a mother to feed her delicious food and call her stuff like mi cariño.

Also Vi unknowingly going from definitive Eldest Daughter with all the baggage that implies, to youngest daughter/baby of the family?

The irony, the identity drama (when her memories eventually return), the subconscious healing of not having to be responsible for other people and just be a child for her last few years of childhood.

Vi eventually gets fully adopted by the Talis family and ends up with the legal name of Vienna Talis, Vienna after a city in Ixtal that Ximena lived in when she was younger.]

This AU exists for a number of reasons.

To give Vi the opportunity to be the gremlin younger sister to someone, and an actual child, for at least part of her childhood.

To make Marcus at least somewhat actually redeemable.

Considering while his kidnapping of Vi does technically save her life, it doesn't really redeem him in any way, because he sends her (a literal child) to indefinite imprisonment without a trail, in one of the most inhumane prisons ever put to screen.

[Fucking Arkam Asylum treats the people imprisoned better in most of it's depictions, than Stillwater Hold does prisoners in Arcane.

The guards and warden of Arkam at least doesn't have the gall to come right out and directly tell the people funding the facility that they casually, frequently, abuse the prisoners.]

I still personally don't see Marcus's actions in canon as him trying to save or protect Vi at all.

I see it as him trying to get back in Silco in some way, because depending on how much Silco told Marcus during the deal, Marcus might have been fully aware that Silco wanted Vi specifically.

So he takes Vi and hides her away, so Silco can't get her. Not to protect Vi, but to just take something Silco wanted, because Silco killed Grayson, and Marcus wants revenge for that. And this is the only way he can get that. By preventing Silco from getting one of the things he wanted as a consequence of their deal.

That's why Marcus later would have gone through with killing Vi, even though he'd seemingly gone out of his way to save her life seven years prior. It was never about protecting Vi, it was about Marcus taking something from Silco.

Anyways, Marcus's actions in this AU are more genuinely altruistic. Even though just like how I perceive his original kidnapping of Vi in canon, they don't start out that way.

He originally takes Vi, to keep Silco from getting her, because Marcus knows Vi was the one kid of Vander's Silco wanted to recruit to his gang.

It isn't until he thinks he's killed a kid in an act of revenge, that he starts to turn around, and it isn't until he's spent weeks visiting Vi in the hospital that he starts to see her (and those other kids he was chasing) as actual people.

Caitlyn and Vi are sort of kind of the childhood friends to lovers trope, though they meet as teens. Vi ends up joining the Enforcers eventually due to Caitlyn convincing her (after the plot kicks off), because she doesn't remember any of her Enforcer related childhood trauma.

Caitlyn and Vi as teenagers are very interested in the mystery of where Vi came from, but are constantly prevented from investigating said mystery by their various guardians, and Marcus and the rest of the Enforcers.

They're known a bit as troublemakers, and there were a few years where it was rookie duty to go get the Kiramman heiress and her best friend off the bridge when they tried to go down to the Undercity.

Vi's interest in her origins actually fades as she gets older, as she settles into life as Vienna Talis, younger adoptive sister of Jayce Talis, eventual blacksmith and bar owner. Who she was before doesn't really matter, because it doesn't really effect who she is now.

A conclusion she comes to around her 19th birthday, and she insists that Caitlyn stop looking into it as well. She's clearly an orphan, considering no one's come looking for her in the four years she's been topside, so it's not like she has anyone to reconnect to from down there.

It isn't until Caitlyn shows her the photos of the Jinx graffiti that was found at a few different crime scenes, a few years after coming to that original resolution, that there's a spark of recognition. Of something familiar.

The faint and muddled memories of a little girl with blue hair who used to draw like that. Vi doesn't know who the girl is. The only clear memory... is that of rain, the little girl crying, and a man standing over her with a knife.

And that's all I have for this AU so far.

[litsnobconfessions]

A Year of Animation Day 103-104: The Prince of Egypt

Date: April 13-14, 2025

Day: 103-104

Content Watched: The Prince of Egypt

Year: 1998

Rating: PG

Run Time: 1 hour 39 minutes

What better animated film to kick of Pesach than The Prince of Egypt? And ready for this? I have only seen this movie once before... maybe twice. More than twenty years ago. I first saw it in 4th grade, where my teachers presented it as a... historical drama? I think that's stretching things a bit, but I suspect what they were really saying was, "we're not trying to prosletyze, we're just looking for a movie we don't hate that will keep the kids quiet during indoor recess. Please don't come after us." And as someone who has had to host indoor recess... legit. Anyway, I may have watched it again at a friend's house, but all I really remember was the chariot race and the Egyptian priests trying to turn water into blood. So I'm kind of seeing it for the first time! Let's get into it.

Okay, to start with, I can see why my teachers would have wanted to show us this movie. It's just... good storytelling. The story is compelling. The characters are developed. The villain is interesting. The music is beautiful. And the animation! The animation is absolutely stunning. Even before I double-checked the year, I was pretty sure just from watching that this was when mixing CGI and hand-drawn animation was pretty new. I found an article on Hey Alma! that lauds the seamless mixing of the two. I suppose I don't think all of it's seamless, but I think that's less a comment on the animation and more on the effects of refusing to watch live-action for three and a half months (It makes me wonder what live-action will be like for me in 2026.)

I honestly cannot tell you what my favorite bit of animation was. Maybe the song that the Egyptian priests sing? Because I love the shadows over the red background (honestly, it reminds me of The Secret of Kells). Or maybe the scene with the burning bush. Because the depth and the light off the canyon walls is already gorgeous to watch even before we see the mystical fire. Or would it be terrible of me to say the angel of death sequence? Because that scene is terrfying. But also really pretty? I mean... the things this movie does with light! And in 1998, no less! This is Your Name and HTTYD levels of lightning... twenty years earlier. It's. So. Pretty. (Though this also makes me realize I need to watch some of Shinkai's earlier work. If Dreamworks was doing it before HTTYD, likely he was doing it before Your Name.)

But I also think the ten plagues might be my favorite song? And maybe even my favorite scene? Because that song goes hard. And I did not expect it to. Honestly, I have no idea why I remember the chariot race at the beginning, but not this sequence! This sequence is probably more horrifying than the angel of death sequence (though to be fair, there is eight times the plague during the song.) I had to go back and watch it again (though partially because I was experiencing seder-brain and trying to list them all.) But also? That song is beautifully put together. I mean, I love counter-melodies, and this is a duet with an additional counter-melody in the chorus (apologies to anyone reading this with more music theory than me, as I may be using the wrong terminology, but I think you'll get the... music? it's not a picture.)

But I'm not done talking about the animation either. Because the depth of this movie also really impresses me. The camera shots when Moses kills the slave-driver? The angles that show just how tall everything is. But also the shots of ladders at different distances from the screen. The creators really wanted you to know how big an endeavor these monuments were. It makes it explains why HTTYD has such great depth also. Again, Dreamworks has been doing this for a while.

But of course, my raving will not be complete without talking about the flashback sequence done as wall art (and also goes very hard.) I've said over and over again how much I love the mixing of animation styles, and how this is something animation offers that live-action doesn't. And here it is. But not only did they choose to use this style here, but there's a previous scene with Moses and Ramses hurrying to get somewhere, and that also resembeled wall art to me, though not quite to the same degree (honestly, the whole effect also reminds me of The Emperor's New Groove, which I guess just puts them both in a group of movies that animate in the form of art, along with Kells and Loving Vincent.)

They also did this cool thing where they overlaid images on top of one another? You know, the kind of scene where you have a group of people in the wide shot, but your main character's (or your singing character's) face above it on one side. I see this effect used a lot in live-action, but I don't think I really see it in animation, so it was cool to see it utilized here.

And we can't forget the tableau of everyone walking through the Sea of Reeds, lit only by their torches, while whatever fish swim past. I'm surprised I don't remember this scene either. It's just beautiful. Like, pause it. Frame it. Hang it on your wall. (Come to think of it, this might be my favorite animation.)

Actually, I have to wonder if Netflix's Harriet was at all inspired by this movie because the splitting of the sea reminded me of the scene in which they cross the river. I mean, I'm sure this was done on purpose, considering Tubman was nicknamed Moses, but there's also something about the way they're... shot? framed? that feels like more than just being the same story. And speaking of Moses in water, I particularly like the detail of the small ring of clear water remaining around him in the scene where the river turns to blood.

I also enjoy the characterization of Moses and Ramses as brothers. I like the conflict it brings to Moses, of having a foot in both worlds, and I feel like it adds a lot of depth to Pharoah's character. I like that we see how Ramses' conflict with his father affects his decision, as well as the suggestion that this is, for him, as much about losing his brother as anything else. And maybe I'm not supposed to care, but I like a story with a villain that's got more to him than just being evil. But it also just makes the story as a whole more texture and complexity.

Because the moment where Moses tells Ramses he cares too much? And Ramses responds that Moses doesn't care enough? This might be my favorite dialogue in the movie? Because in Save the Cat! terms, this is the theme stated--Moses has to learn to care. And Ramses has to learn to let things go, which he fails to do. So in a sense, there's both an ascension and a descension plotline, countering one another... kind of like the duet, come to think of it.

I think I'll end with this note: a couple of friends from syngagoge got me listening to Girls in Trouble. And when Moses talks to Zipporah after the burning bush, I wanted to know what was going to through her head. I immediately thought of "Measuring Tape," which is about Noah's wife, and I want a Zipporah song now.

Also, Aaron's Camel:

Seeing as this is my list of animated Pesach films, we'll finish the week out with the last of Bluey.

[hp-bardfest]

Shakespeare/HP Fic Recs

Because we can't wait for prompting to start, we have scoured the archives to bring you a small taste of what Shakespeare-inspired HP fanworks could look like!

Shall I compare thee by Magnoliacrescentt (Gilderoy/Lucius, T, 1.4k words, Fluff & Crack) Lucius has forgotten Valentine’s day and needs to make up for it and ends up re-writing a famous sonnet.

Told by an idiot by DontStopHerNow (Pansy/Ron, T, 1.4k words, Humor & Murderous Schemes) If you wonder how those two genres go together, believe us, they do! Ron and Pansy star in this Sort-Of-Macbeth Story: She's everything, and he's just Ron.

What’s done cannot be undone by Asphodel_And_Wormwood (Gen, M, 2k, Angst & Drama) Inspired by the Macbeth quote "Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death", this clever fic builds the delicious tension and will make you see peacocks in a different light.

The Fifth Night by @sniperjade (Luna/Theo, T, 2k, Fluff & Humour) This fic inspired by The Twelfth Night features magical mishaps, a very tortured Theo and Luna in disguise (because what's a comedy without someone pretending to be someone else?!)

Wine and Whalebones by @uncannycerulean (Draco/Harry, T, 3.5k, Fluffy Casefic) Read this fic for ubiquitous Romeo & Juliet quotes, a cursed whale bone, Draco speaking flawless Italian and a lot of feelings.

Measure My Lordship With Thine Vulgar Eye by @starquestingfordrarry (Draco/Harry, M, 1k, Humour) Come for the magnetic flirting, stay for the Shakespearean dick jokes (and a ghostly codpiece).

We hope you enjoy these as much as we did! And feel free to drop other recommendations in our ask box!

[miss-constelia]

I don’t mean to bring conflict onto your page or anything but the drama about sexuality headcanons recently is so bizarre and I feel like I’m going insane😭 What do you mean we can’t play dolls how WE want to play dolls on OUR blogs! What are you??? The HOA???

“This is my blog I can do what I want”

“Yeaahh, but actually no.”

I’m pretty sure the blog where this discussion has mostly taken place actively isn’t posting any asks in defense of the Ruth headcanons, which I’m sure they see as an objectively correct stance, but the topic is really way more nuanced and worthy of discussion than that. It’s creating an environment where people are just repeating the same takes to there so-called foes, who aren’t allowed to defend themselves or their views at all. Without, of course, commenting or making posts non-anonymously, which is what started this in the first place. Someone literally made a post saying they were called biphobic for a headcanon. And they were so genuinely upset about it :(

What happened to kindness? Understanding perspectives?? What happened to the block button for when you don’t wanna do the other two things??? Just block or scroll! Please!!

Sorry this is kind of rambley. You don’t actually have to post this I just wanted to rant someplace I thought I might actually be listened to

No because honestly, this.

You can dislike headcanons, even hate some, you can have critical opinions nobody is saying you cannot do that but a lot of people here feel TOOOOO COMFORTABLE with the anon button and start throwing hate... for what? for something that at the end of the day doesn't affect you?

I hate to sound like a dinosaur but man this shit wasn't as bad in 2012 fandoms and stuff. Fandom always had issues, of course, not saying it was perfect but a lot of people had wayyyy more ettiquete than nowadays.

[oodelally3]

WIP Wednesday!

The fic I'm working on (What I Did For Love) actually started out as a reunion one-shot for a prompt competition. I'd bitten off more than I could chew and didn't manage to finish it, but it gave me the push I needed to begin. I could see where my fic was headed, at the very least. *And* I have parts of a future chapter or two written.

The reunion is Halloween-themed and hosted at the White Tower in London, so it's perfect to share today, being spooky season an' all. Some things have changed since I wrote this; for instance, Rahim is voted out early in my fic, so Henry VIII doesn't make much sense for him. 😂 I've also grown as a writer...some of this is pretty darn clunky, I'm not gonna lie. It's definitely a WIP, and that P doesn't stand for "polished."

Anyway! Enjoy Vivian as a sexy Mrs. Peacock and Carl as Professor Plum. (I cannot resist a man in tweed.)

The day of the Halloween-themed reunion has arrived. The producers had put everyone up in different hotels across the city, so no one would run into each other. (They obviously want any drama to happen on camera.) They’d also helped us Islanders out with costumes, which was a relief. I jokingly told Carl they probably only did it to make sure everyone looked sexy enough.   Our costumes had arrived the day before, to ensure everything fit properly. Carl was going as Professor Plum from the Clue board game, after being talked out of going as Spock. I was Mrs. Peacock, but the sexiest Mrs. Peacock I’d ever seen. I rolled my eyes the first time I pulled out the costume.  We didn’t know who else was going as Clue characters, or what everyone else would be doing. “If they didn’t give Miss Scarlet to Priya, someone ought to be fired,” I said to Carl.  “Yes, and Gary has got to be Colonel Mustard!”   Carl looks so handsome in his tweed suit, sweater vest, and bowtie. Others may not think it’s sexy, but damn, those elbow patches really do something to me.   “Don’t give me those bedroom eyes, Curls. We haven’t the time!” he admonishes and puts the professor’s pipe in his mouth for emphasis.   “Damn,” I mutter under my breath.   My own costume is some sort of burlesque-looking corset with a feather skirt tied over my waist, open in front to show my legs in fishnet stockings. I’ve put my hair in an updo, my copper curls escaping here and there, with a beautiful peacock-feathered fascinator to complete the look. I think I look ridiculous, but the rising bulge in Carl’s tweed slacks tells me he thinks otherwise.  I meet his gaze and raise an eyebrow with a cheeky smirk. He blushes and clears his throat.   “Right. Well. We don’t have time, more’s the pity,” he says with a shrug, pushing his fake glasses up his nose. Damn, he’s really got this hot 1930s professor thing down, without even trying.   “Well, who knows? Maybe there’ll be a Hideaway.” *****   The car drops us off at the Tower of London—incredibly, the reunion is being held at the White Tower. The moment Carl and I found out, we were on the phone, giddy with excitement as only two history buffs can be.   We’re greeted by a couple producers who give us the basic schedule and put our mic packs on. I hadn’t missed these, but at least they blend in with our outfits now. They tell us they’ve had our arrivals staggered and we’re among the last to arrive. After testing our mics, they point us to the doors of the White Tower.   Carl holds out his hand for me to take and we walk in together.   The main hall upstairs is amazing, all lit up with soft, warm colours and candlelight in the main areas and red or blue lights in the cozy nooks. Each nook has an overstuffed sofa and armchairs, perfect for intimate chats or a small gathering of friends. There’s a string quartet, who look like they could be a punk band, playing a decent mix of pop and classical music. The suits of armour displayed in the White Tower look amazing in this setting. Henry VIII could never. 

“Oh, wow,” we say in unison, right before we’re besieged by pink silks and taffeta and velvet squealing into our ears. I can’t see her face yet, but I know it’s Chelsea.  “Baaaaaabes! Oh, I’ve missed you both so much!”  “Chelseeeaaaa!” I hug her tight, then pull away to get a better look at her costume. It’s definitely some sort of a Tudor costume, but in anachronistic pinks. And with a modern sexy take. “You are…?” “Katherine Howard, bra!” She twirls around for me, and I see the make-up effects that make her look as though her head has been chopped off and placed back on. “I told them I’d do it if I could be in pink.”  “You are the perfect Katherine Howard,” Carl smiles. “Just don’t cheat on your husband, and you should be fine,” I add with a laugh.  “Eek!” She pretends to cut her head off with her hand. “And you two are from Cluedo! I think the rest of your group is already here. I’m still waiting on a couple wives, but my Henry is here,” she says as she points to Ibrahim as Henry VIII.  Carl and I both laugh. It’s a fitting character, considering how many people Rahim coupled up with on the show. And it looks as though Jo is one of the wives. Anne of Cleves, if I’m not mistaken. The producers certainly have a sense of humour. (I’m pretty good with my Tudor history. Not exactly something to brag about in Love Island circles.)  Chelsea takes our hands and leads us straight to the bar, bless her. They’ve created specialty drinks for the reunion, based on a lot of our characters. Naturally, we choose our namesake drinks: Professor Plum’s is some sort of hot toddy that turns purple when the angostura bitters is put in, and Mrs. Peacock’s is a fizzy concoction with Crème de Violette.  “Cheers, Mrs. Peacock,” Carl says before clinking my coupe glass.  “Cheers, Professor.”  We take a sip and both raise our eyebrows—these are pretty good!  “Well, well, well…look what we have here!”  We turn to see Gary, arms outstretched, waiting to give me a big bear hug. I gladly step into his embrace and place a kiss on his cheek, his fake handlebar moustache tickling my skin. He and Carl warmly shake hands.  “Oh, my god, Carl was right.”  “What?” Gary asks.  “You are Colonel Mustard!” He gives us a sheepish grin. “Yeah. I mean, it’s not as cool as Henry VIII over there, but Colonel Mustard is a right sort of chap. Even if they wouldn’t give me a rifle to carry around.”

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Never Felt So Alone (20x05)

Man, Nick sucks so much as a character I cannot believe.

Cons:

I'm going to be a broken record about Jo and Link, but wow, I don't care about their relationship. This pregnancy scare is a cheap way to introduce a shot of lightly-comedic drama into their honeymoon period and I'm bored to tears by all of it. It's a shame, because I actually think both actors are really charming and funny, and yet when they're playing off of each other in a scene, I feel absolutely nothing. The idea of going through a Jo/Link marriage and babies story just fills me with a sense of defeat and ennui. Alex Karev I miss you so much.

I feel like the takeaway from this episode is supposed to be that Meredith is being unreasonable about the Nick situation, but... nah. Nick is a boring lump of coal and Meredith has a lot of trauma around the death of loved ones, and Nick should have called sooner. I just wish that Meredith had been settled off-screen with a less annoying endgame love interest. It feels like we've lost our chance for Meredith to find a new forever person on screen, because Ellen Pompeo isn't interested in doing that anymore, and fair enough, but Nick? God, he sucks so hard.

Usually I get really moved and emotional about the "very special episodes" that this show pulls off, about all manner of serious subjects. I have to say, I felt a little alienated from this one, though. There were things I liked about it, but the core of it, the med student Eddie standing on the ledge, with Simone and Kwan talking to him, just felt very... generic, maybe? It was a lot of standard talking points about suicidal ideation, without the magic of making every guest character come alive, the way Grey's usually pulls off. I don't know. I don't feel like it was terribly done, it just didn't quite grip me.

Pros:

I really liked Owen and Amelia spending the day working together. Their romantic relationship was always such a clusterfuck but I think they have the kind of friendship that really stands the test of time. They do a risky and complicated surgery to give a med student a chance to be able to walk again, and seeing them triumph and feel that thrill of surgery again together was really quite lovely! Also, when Teddy and Owen don't have hella drama going on between them, their relationship is perfectly tolerable. I liked the ending little bit where Teddy gets cleared to go back to surgery, and she and Owen are talking over logistics for picking up the kids, etcetera. Their energy together does work for me; I remember shipping them way back in the before-times.

Bailey and Ben are really the best long-term relationship on this show. I'm almost anxious about Station 19 ending, because if Ben hops back over to be more of a main character on Grey's, they might give them relationship tension and I don't want that! Ben calming Bailey down, the two of them talking about mental health and being there to support each other... this was the part of the suicide prevention plot thread that worked the best for me. Just these two married people having a frank conversation about being there to support one another.

Despite hating everything about Nick, I did like some of Meredith's stuff in this episode. Her being able to talk through her fear with Richard was really touching. Of course she has baggage and fears around specifically this outcome! Something totally survivable happening to someone in her family, but the potential of the hospital fucking it up? I like that now that Meredith has moved to Boston and she's only a part-time character, she really does feel like more of a mom. Not to be cheesy, but it's such a fitting way to wrap up the overall arc of Meredith Grey, given where we started with her, and all her own issues with her mother. I wish Nick wasn't the person she was having the conversation with, but I also liked her being willing to process her messy emotions and admit the harm she did to others because of it. Real growth for our Mer!

As I keep saying, I really do love these new intern characters a lot. Let's go through some of these stories really fast.

Jules and Winston! Jules is growing on me more and more. I love that she stood up to Winston, and that he admitted he'd been a grump lately. Her compassion and care for the people around her is so lovely, and she manages to seem like a really strong, pragmatic person all while having empathy off the charts. We love to see it.

Yasuda gets stuck with the unpleasant job of babysitting a bunch of drunk med students with minor injuries, and things take a turn for the worse when she learns from Schmitt that Helm kept her from an interesting surgery, and made her stay in the pit. We don't know the outcome of this little betrayal yet, but I'm interested to see their relationship get more of a spotlight, even if it is to work through a difficult moment! I loved Jules comforting Yasuda at the end using a technique her mother taught her. Their friendship is so lovely.

We get some insight into Kwan's relationship to his own mental health; I loved how he stepped in and talked to Eddie after letting Simone take the lead for so long. I think it's telling that in an episode themed all around connection and reaching out to people, Kwan didn't actually open up to Simone after that experience. He didn't go to Jules, or to anybody else, to talk through what had happened. We'll have to see if he's able to form those important bonds moving forward.

And as mad as I've been at Lucas for being such a dickhead recently, I did find the scene at the end with him and Simone quite lovely. It's not a fix to everything broken between them, but it's this moment where they're able to come together to comfort and hold each other. Simone definitely needed that after the day she'd had, and I like that Lucas was willing to put aside everything else and do that.

So that's all for this one. It looks like from the promo for next week that Richard is going to have some sort of freak-out or incident at work, and I'm... kind of already tired of seeing this story again. But we'll see!

7/10

[lunarcovehq]

CAMPFIRE RETREAT - DISCORD PARTY

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song. It will help if you all sing along...

You can't have a campfire retreat without camping! One by one the Lunar Covians file in to what appears to be an wide open clearing amongst the trees, tucked away in the woods of Echo Acres. The parking from the field is a few miles away with Solstice and K Labs employees picking people up from the parking lot on four wheelers to bring them over to the field. You have all been instructed to come in camping attire with an overnight bag with clothes for the next two days. Suitcases are not recommended, but if you want to find a way to bring them to the field yourself, you are more than welcome to. Camping gear such as tents, sleeping bags etc. are not allowed. All camping equipment is provided on site ranging from luxury camping set ups to more roughing it tents and situations.

When you enter the open field, you will see a number of different sleeping set ups scattered around the perimeter of the field with numbers, starting off with #1 and going up in numbers. The sleeping arrangements grow progressively worse as the numbers increase. From luxury glamping set ups to tents you have to build yourself, you quickly realize no two sleeping arrangements are the same.

"Hoş geldi- I mean welcome Campers!" Elif announces with a bright smile across her face as she begins to explain how the overnight weekend will go. "Thanks everyone who has participated so far. You've all been working to win points this past week and now you get to know what the points are for. We have one last trust building excerise for you where all of the points you have been collecting will come into use. We're going to have a treasure hunt to secure your sleeping arrangements! If you look around you, you will see your potential prizes. This game and the sleep arrangements are mandatory for all and, once the game is over, you will be unable to swap your sleeping arrangements. You also cannot share your sleeping arrangement you've won with anyone else outside of your partner. It is time to pair up once more. This time you can pick your pairing, but your partner has to be someone of a different species as you and can't be the partner we assigned you for the pairing event. We're going to take a moment to decide pairings, but before we do, I want to explain the rules of the game. Once in pairs and once team names are decided, we will tally up the total points you and your partner have earned. Your collective points will determine the order for the game with those who have the most points having an advantage-"

ANNOUNCEMENTS

We will be starting the discord event tomorrow! But, before we do, we wanted to share over instructions as to how this discord party will work.

If you can't make the discord party, please do not worry. We will be posting a recap post about the discord party at a later date and you can react to anything from the discord party on the dash.

Please take your time to read over all of the below. There will be more instructions and you're always welcome to ask questions, if you are confused about anything. We just wanted to give you an idea of what will be happening in the discord event before we get started.

Please decide your character's partners now for the discord party as well as your pairings team name, but if you don't have a partner for your character don't worry. A lot of people don't and we will be discussing it in the group chat shortly/helping every character find their pairing.

The discord party will start at 6:30p EST tomorrow once all of the pairings have been made.

HOW THE TREASURE HUNT WILL WORK

If you have ever seen the K Drama, Marry My Husband, this game is featured in the show (it is also available free on Amazon Prime - Ep 7 & 8 if you want to watch the scene in english, but even if you don't speak Korean, you should get the idea):

Here is another funny clip from it.

IC there will be a treasure hunt, where all of your characters are in the woods searching for the corresponding flags to the sleeping arrangement they are hoping to win, but until the game is over, flags can be stolen, similar to in Capture the Flag. But, seeing that there are some logistical issues to having this play out in a discord chat, we're going to OOC be doing things slightly different in order to keep things from getting too overly chaotic or confusing.

OOC, the game will work more similarly to that of White Elephant (if you weren't here for our White Elephant discord party here is that post describing how that game worked but also you don't have to read that post if you don't want to). WE WILL BE GIVING CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS STEP BY STEP IN THE DISCORD. So, if you are confused about any of the below, please do not worry. We promise we will walk you step by step through everything. We just want to give you an overview of the game now so that you're aware when choosing your pairings.

We will be posting a map of the camp grounds with different starred locations where flags are hidden. During the discord party, once a team decides which flag they'd like to search for, there will be some fun interactive tasks to see if they can secured a flag!

The pair with the least amount of points will go next. This pair will also have a chance to search for a flag/reveal a sleeping arrangement and/or secure it for themselves.

Similar to White Elephant, as the game goes on, pairing after pairing, you will have the option to either try to secure a flag for your team through completing a number of interactive tasks or you will have the option to steal someone else's sleeping arrangement. Only, the reason points are so important is that you can only steal a sleeping arrangement from someone who has less points than you do which means the pairing with the least amount of points/the lowest ranking will be unable to steal at all.

Unlike with White Elephant, there is not cut off to when the sleeping arrangements can no longer stolen. The higher your points are, the more opportunity you have to steal. The lower your points are, the more likely you are to have your sleeping arrangements stolen.

Also as mentioned above, for everyone participating in this discord event, the sleeping arrangement situation is mandatory so characters are unable to cheat their sleeping arrangements after the game is up. They also will not be able to share their sleeping arrangements with others. So, if your character ends up in a big tent and their friends are sleeping on the ground, tough shit. It's two nights and they can rough it.

If you don't know who your character will partner up with, no worries. Everyone will get a pair, so just hang tight. We will ask who doesn't have a partner in a little bit.

[sams-venting]

Man, this place is so genuinely fucked up. It used to be so nice when the sun and moon show first started out, before it ever got popular. I want to go back.

I've been in a lot of fandoms. Big, small, it doesn't matter. There's always drama no matter what because there will always be obsessive exclusionist and extremist in every corner of the internet. That's just how shit works.

Day in and day out I've seen a fucking lot over the years.

I've watched adults groom minors countless of times no matter where I go, I've had a mutual fake his suicide to the point where I cannot return to an entire fandom without thinking about it, I've watched minors catfish adults so they could make callout posts for clout points on two Major occasions in two completely unrelated fanbases, I've received death threats in middle school for defending someone that'd been doxxed and harrassed for 'being a roleplay freak' to the point I have to avoid an entire RV park to avoid getting jumped irl to this day, I've watched one of my closest friends on tumblr get dogpiled and sent porn, specifically, because he said it was weird to unironically draw heeman abs on an 8 year old, and told an anon all the blogs he had blocked (not knowing it was a bait ask). This was back in 2021 when we were both kids btw and absolutely nothing has changed in terms of cyberflashing minors, __^ literally right before that I warned him of a blog that drawing porn of sonic characters so he could block for his own comfort. because again we were both kids, who do not like watching adults publicly posting porn of characters that are depicted as kids, in a fanbase full of other kids. it was weird in highschool and it still creeps me out now. --- not even getting into the popular blog who did this shit then proceeded to cover everything up, tried to gaslight everyone, then went on an alt to block evade in order to harass and fake-claim. bc how dare a diagnosed teen say they have the mythical disorder of OSDD clearly we should stalk and humiliate them for saying they don't like me /sarc

Sounds, awfully familiar, doesn't it? History really is a circle

And yet, none of that even compares to the hell that is this fandom.

Never before, have I had a ptsd response to seeing someone's Name alone. Never before, just looking at someone's blog have I gotten flashbacks to being exposed to literal CSEM photos of a girl that looked too fucking much like me.

But I can't stop. I'm not allowed to look away. Because there's Always something happening and that's what it takes to stay safe. You can't protect from something you don't know about.

And it's been like this for Months. I am sick and tired of the hives and the vomiting every time something happens. I couldn't even enjoy my own birthday without spending every second panicking that someone I cared about was going to commit suicide from the amount of bullshit people throw at each other.

I'm, still scared of that more than anything. You cannot hurt me in a way that matters, until it's someone I know of taking their own life. In fact, that Is the only way to hurt me. It doesn't matter how well I know them or what they've done either.

And I don't care how that sounds either. If someone is That deserving of death then kill them yourself instead of hiding behind a screen and chanting like a cult of cowards. I have Zero toleration for it. Either be willing to get your hands dirty or shut the fuck up.

That, I think is a part of what really gets under my skin in this fandom. The pathological liars. the manipulation. the gaslighting, the coverups. I used to pride myself in the idea of getting to slaughter the worst of the worst.

As both a blessing and a curse, this fandom has poisoned any romancing of vigilante justice I used to have. I've quickly found out the reality is that, this place is both too light and too dark. That reality is messy. And there will never be anyone here that matches the evil close to an out right "The Daily Capper".

And yet, I almost miss every traumatic rabbit hole I've ever been in. If I had a chance to choose this, or to watch NSFL footage, I'd choose the latter in a heartbeat. Because not even the anguish of triggering my psychosis, of purposely self harming through finding shock sites to literally cause brain damage, compares to the amount of pain it is to be here.

'then leave'

That would be the easy way out. I'm not allowed easy way outs because that would mean I could finally give in to the ideations. give em an inch and the enemy takes a whole mile, you know how it is.

And a royal fuck you if you think I'm going to back down.

There is nothing heroic about suffering. About choosing to lay in the grave that is your hill to die on. But too much of my time and energy has been spent. I cannot afford for it all to be in vain. Fuck winning or losing, I don't care about proving that I'm the strongest anymore, that I can withstand anything. It's never been about pride, not this time.

I can't live with myself for wasting an entire year like this, when there's not even 6 left for me.

I can't be in pain for nothing

...I think that's the most fucked up thing about it all. about how badly this whole thing has caused me to relapse.

Do you know what it's like to miss having your intestines ripped out of your body? to feel your insides become your outsides for a moment?

Do you know what it's like, to be envious of my only problem being that I don't fucking die on an operating table. That the only thing on my mind was the ticking tower of death, and wondering if I'd only get to see 2 out of the 10 year prognosis.

A part of me wishes that I didn't make it. I could've been happier. I could've died not being betrayed by someone close. I could've died, not dating anyone and then breaking their heart when the original host alter they were qpp with died and split into 3 different kids right before Christmas last month. I wouldn't have to exist.

And I can't even leave. I am trapped by my own design. and as much hatred that boils and seethes inside me, I know that in reality I have no one to blame but myself.

So here we are. It has been, two weeks? I think?? since i have left my roleplay partner on read. I told them part of it was holidays and family, and the other part was me getting stuck on world building. Which, is true. I quite literally ran into a writing road block with moon, and tried to speedrun learning how to build animatronics. I'm a nerd at heart, and they know that STEM topics are usually hardcore special interests of mine.

I didn't however, tell them the other major reason why I haven't finished writing my response. We're friends, but we're not close enough that I feel it is socially acceptable for me to just trauma dump like that. that's not cool, and I don't want to lose them. They're the only real reason why I want to stay with tsams, outside of the 'for the love of God do not let this all be in vain' looming overhead

In reality unbenounced to them, I've been having mental breakdowns and panic attacks almost every single time I log into tumblr. Because aha, if you wanna make block lists you unfortunately have to acknowledge that there are people you don't like. And, although realistically more than half of the fanbase is going on there, I won't let myself blindly slam buttons. That's too much, even for me. Paranoia? Fine. Paranoid delusions? nuh uh, we're not entertaining that around here. which means if I have to block anyone I have to write down the exact reason and save proof if the accused reason is big enough to warrant it.

So of course that means constantly exposing myself to revolting bullshit.

At first, I thought that it was all in the moment emotions. I can handle emotionally imbalances, that's part of being a bpd bitch. I'm a quiet type, therefore I didn't think much of it. The internet is full of shock content anyways, the news especially.

Till, a persecutor alter kept deciding to take things into his own hands, and started stirring shit against everyone else's wishes. And of fucking course, I don't find out about it until a day later when the fucker starts bragging about it.

For about a week there had been a lot of in-fighting since then because of it. No one else was okay with what he was trying to do, which was essentially trying to antagonize and get under the skin of a few specific people that he deemed as "the source of the problem". Which is not fucking okay and I'm extremely ashamed and disappointed that I let it happen. I don't care that there's nothing I could've done to prevent the amnesia from blocking me, at the end of the day I am the host, the ambassador, and I'm supposed to be in control and responsible for the entire system.

It didn't hit me until today when I started writing the vent that I had unintentionally been negative triggering the persecutor to front the entire time. Because on any normal day, ____ is a back-up host for when I'm not conscious. He was Supposed to only be an ex-persecutor and a symptom holder. New year new me went the worst way possible.

Without further adieu: I am royally fucked no matter what. I try to block everyone; I run the risk of triggering ptsd. I don't try to give into the paranoia; I run the risk of impulsively lashing out in public. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

...I was at a point where, originally I wanted to be spiteful, to come out arms blazing and be the cringiest mf in the entire fandom. And along the way, I wanted to make friends... but I don't think that's possible anymore.

I do not trust a single one of you outside of my rp partner. And at this point, I've decided that when I do make shit and post it, I'm staying out of the tags permanently. I only make things for me and the only other person in the room that Gets It anyway, so I'm not going to bother with the stress of my stuff circulating outside of my mutual circles.

I fucking hate that it feels like I have to go into hiding in order to do normal fandom things though. But I don't want to risk it. What is "It" idk. All I know is that I'm tired of living in fear all the damn time, or letting my heart continue to be consumed by the botflies of wraith. This isn't me, and I despise that I had let myself become the very thing I hate because of this place

Tbh I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's unhealthy to live with that mindset, but I can't get it to stop gnawing at the back of my head. Yet, if it doesn't, or even if it does. I have a feeling that I won't have the energy to care anymore. After a while, when you're running months on end with panic, everything is just numb. I feel absolutely nothing after writing all of that now.

Maybe it's just the consequence of being emotionally drained, or staying up once again till 1 am. But the spoons are spent. And anymore that I have, I need to save for the people I'm close to this time. I don't have room in my heart to care about anyone else.

...I'm thinking maybe it's time we say goodbye to this blog and any others like it. Regardless of whether or not I finish my quest for safety, I don't need to know. I don't need to be 'up to date' on the latest bullshit of the month. It's not healthy and I clearly can't handle temptation.

Until someone doxxes the identities of the gore anons, I'm done and it's getting ignored. No more hypervigilance

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