#we hate chevy chase

[secretagentsagainstwhatever]

what’s the best halloween special of all time and why is it Community’s S2 halloween special Epidemiology

[sakebytheriver]

There was drama behind the scenes in Community? Do you feel like you want to elaborate?

Oh my gosh there was so much drama 😭😭

I'm surprised you haven't heard about it, it's like the biggest dark cloud that hangs over that show.

Okay, so here we go this is going to be such a long post,

Dan Harmon and Chevy Chase were both competing to be the biggest dick working on the show, in the end Chevy won, mostly because Dan recognized the error of his ways and worked to change, but the point is Chevy saw himself as this big time Hollywood legend due to being one of the first cast on SNL, and so his over inflated ego did not enjoy the long hours on set or the way they were writing his character (of course a lot of how they wrote his character was in response to his own bad behavior) and so he acted like a little bitch all the time, if you've seen the show there's an episode where Pierce throws a tantrum and then goes to hide in a trailer the whole episode, that's basically how Chevy would act on set, most of the cast ended up hating him too because of his behavior and the writers had to find ways to limit his on screen time replacing him with a body double because he did not want to work as long as the rest of the cast and because Community was this insane show that had off the wall concepts for their episodes and scene concepts that would only last two seconds in the final product but would take entire days setting up filming locations and dressing the sets the days and the hours were Long af and so the more crazy concepts the show ventured into the less Chevy wanted to be there and so in turn he ended up clashing heads with Dan Harmon the other dick in this story, now Dan Harmon was the show runner and creator of Community, he is the mastermind behind the whole thing, but at this time he was pretty much at rock bottom for his entire life and his behavior, he was an alcoholic, he was sexually harassing a woman who worked under him, and he happily provoked Chevy Chase's little bitchiness in public, going as far as to play an angry voice message Chevy left him into the microphone on stage at a fan convention to a room full of fans and the media.

In response to all of this bullshit the studio fired Dan Harmon and replaced him with two guys whose only experience running a show was a racist show called Aliens in America about a white family that wanted to get a hot cool European exchange student to make their nerdy son cool, but instead got a brown dorky foreign exchange student with a funny accent and weird food, the show lasted one season and was promptly forgotten by the entire world for very good reason 😬

Anyways these two guys were brought in to showrun the infamous Season 4 of Community, otherwise known as the gasleak year. Now, these new showrunners weren't enough to make Chevy happy and he was still a little bitch most of the time and his coworkers were very unhappy with him for getting the guy who turned this show into a cultural icon fired. But they did season four and it was a big pile of shit, there's a couple episodes from that season that are worth watching, the body swap episode written and directed by Jim Rash is one, but for the most part this season is a write off, it's not that it was bad, it was honestly a lot better than most shows out there, but it was really really bad in the context of the rest of Community. It was a season desperately trying to be the show that came before it and it just utterly failed, trying to capture the magic that was Community without knowing how to do that.

Anyways, after this Joel McHale, the actor playing Jeffery Winger and a man who calls Community the best thing that ever happened to him went to the studio and said, "you gotta bring back Dan Harmon" and ultimately, the new showrunners were sacked, Chevy left, and Dan Harmon was brought back to the show.

Season 5 premiered with an episode called, Repilot that brought our now Greendale six instead of seven back together in a way that felt like coming home again after your first semester at college, bittersweet in that way that makes you feel like everything has changed, but nothing has moved. They lost Donald Glover in the fifth episode of the fifth season playing Come Sail Away by the Styx and now the show only had five of the original cast that made up the community we follow and by the end of season five the show was canceled at NBC and even when the giant cult fanbase raged at them they still refused to bring the show back for that iconic Six Seasons and a Movie Abed so often proclaimed in the text of the show

Until of course a streaming service that no longer exists called Yahoo!Stream came in and spent $42 million dollars for one singular season of Community (and two other shows apparently) and the fans were overjoyed to get their final season even if we also lost another key part of the main cast Yvette Nicole Brown to get it. Now the show had lost almost half the original cast, lost its showrunner, had a shit season, then got its showrunner back, got canceled at its original network, and now brought back for an internet streaming service in the days when Netflix still mailed people DVDs, and so this is the mindset they went into Season 6 for. The final season of the show had lost the fun whimsical tone of the golden age of the first three seasons, but still had the wacky zany adventures now couched in this sad feeling of reality that the end is coming soon, but then the last episode flashes a black screen that says "and a movie" and the fans had hope

Of course until Yahoo!Stream goes bankrupt and blames Community for it and that movie never comes.

Dan Harmon goes on to make Rick and Morty and a podcast called Harmontown where he admits to his horrific behavior on the set of Community and apologizes to his victim in a way that makes her feel vindicated and satisfied that he has changed his ways and moved forward with his life crawling his way out of his rock bottom to make a career far surpassing anything Community ever gave to him. While Chevy Chase has all but fallen into obscurity as he still does not accept that he did a single thing wrong ever. And now in the year 2023 we are getting the final chapter of the Community story in the form of a Peacock streaming movie that will most likely bring back almost every character and actor except for Chevy Chase

And that is the very very abridged version of the bts drama that haunted Community for six seasons and now a movie 😭😭

[wingamy24]

My unpopular opinion is I kind of like Pierce as a character...like obviously he sucks as a *person* but I kind of liked having an antagonist in the group. Idk, I started Community right after watching It's Always Sunny In Philidelphia so maybe I'm just desensitized to awful characters but I think a tiny bit of the Pierce hate is an overreaction.

Of course. A lot of people here claim Pierce's character is terrible, but it really doesn't. It works perfectly with the other cast. Pierce is a great and funny character most of the time. It's not like the show tries to convince you he's a good person, it makes it clear that he's an ass from day 1. I would argue that his character in S4 is weird though. He seems strangely... nice?

Don't get me wrong, he's still an ass. But S4 is so weird that I actually like Pierce better than Annie. I think we all dislike Pierce, but that doesn't make him a bad character. I think Pierce's character is also a great reflection of what was going on behind the scenes of Community's set at the moment. There's a lot of interviews and podcasts you can listen to related to that, but the part in the show where Pierce feels "excluded" was actually a thing that was going on. (Not that I'm defending Chevy Chase: Community's cast had a LOT of reasons to not include them in their hangouts and that sort of stuff.)

I think that Pierce's moment in S2 paintball doesn't make much sense only because the D&D episode was deleted from Netflix. That's where it all kinda started. It's hard to understand what's going on with Pierce in the paintball ep if you haven't watched the D&D one. But yeah, Pierce isn't a bad character. He's such very, very, unlikable. And that's why he's good.

[ysabelmystic]

Please tell me about the boat story. Oh and can you also tell me why your family made you get drunk when you were a kid I forgot to ask about that

Okay so basically my grandparents had a time share in at those old condo Hawaii thanks to my grandpa’s “service” in the navy. Every other year, all six of us would cram ourselves into this one-bedroom condo and spend a week or two fucking around on the beaches of Kauai. This particular year, we got to do something Extra, and go on a snorkeling tour out at the more remote islands. A tour complete with an 8 hour round trip boat ride, fancy sandwiches and fresh fruit, and unlimited mai tais.

So, for background, my grandpa is the most obnoxious, self-absorbed dumbass I’ve ever met. He wants to be Elon Musk, he’s a flat-earther, he’s an mlm hon who tries to sell his products to strangers in public, he tried to cure his skin cancer with essential oils, he’s ex military, he cooks hamburgers to rare, he’s Chevy Chase in national lampoons vacation franchise, he makes a 500+ photo long slideshow every holiday that includes his cousins open casket funeral and pictures of the car vs train accident that killed them, he flirts with waitresses, he gets mad if you out-pun him, he thinks the silent treatment is a punishment, he’s friends with a local self-taught artist who draws like the average 5th grader (it’s not a stylistic choice), he maims squirrels for fun, he tailgates cars on purpose, he hates animals… basically, his greatest contribution to the world will be dying since he’ll no longer be a waste of oxygen. And what does a waste of oxygen do on a boat ride with unlimited mai tai’s?

Get fucking CRUNK of course

Now, not only did the tour have fancy sandwiches, but they also had unlimited red Hawaiian Punch. That drink was a forbidden and thus very coveted thing in my house so my brother and I probably drank 8 cans apiece. We also ran into rough seas during the last leg of the trip. I guess my grandma took one for the team because she somehow ended up below deck with two sleepy, seasick children on her lap.

This, unfortunately for us all, now meant that my grandpa was left unsupervised.

I don’t know how long we were knocked out for, but I woke up to my mom standing over us, whispering to my grandma with a very concerned look on her face. (Fake names from this point).

“Bev? Bev. Bev. Your husband is-“

The loudspeakers turned on and she was interrupted by the captain.

“Sir! What you’re doing is just stupid. If you fall in the ocean, we will not be coming back to help you. I repeat; we will not stop this trip to save you. Get back in the boat and stop being stupid.”

Silence.

“Don’t do that again”

Queue my mom and grandma looking absolutely fucking mortified.

Apparently that dumbass saw the waves and thought it’d be fun to walk the plank. Every time the boat went down off the back of a wave, he’d jump, and somehow, he did this several times without actually falling into the water.

My grandma does not believe in showing emotion. After getting off the boat she was the maddest I’ve ever seen her. She ripped the keys out of her husbands hand, pushed him into the back seat, and drove him to the condo while the rest of us went out for dinner.

Quite frankly I wish he had fallen off the boat, and the captain had followed through. Because the next time we went to Hawaii, he spent a 9 mile hiking trip harassing different people to buy his mlm granola bars and vitamins since his “business” had just gone international…

Anyways… to answer the other question.

My parents believed that wine knowledge was an important life skill. So when I was like 12 I was allowed to have tiny sips of wine, and at 15, once or twice a week, I’d get a half glass of wine with dinner (occasionally more if I agreed to help my mom grade papers).

At 17 I was allowed to have alcohol whenever the family was drinking (so like if my mom made margaritas on a Friday night I would be allowed a margarita or two) so I wouldn’t go overboard when I got ahold of it in college.

Unfortunately this did not stop me from going overboard I just knew that 1) I could be very productive after 2-4 shots of rum and 2) the optimal “good time” range was 5-8 shots and that’s how I lowkey became an alcoholic until I discovered weed!

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy Re-watch: S2E10 (part 2)

What's my Line: part 2

Sunnydale has 43 churches?! How big is Sunnydale?

Giles sharing mints, as you do.

Kendra's life is very lonely. Just her and her watcher.

Kendra has a better fighting technique because she has been trained since childhood to be a slayer. Buffy only found out at 15 but has come a long way since then. Which begs the question, how does the Council keep track of all the potential slayers? Giles uses a coven in season 7, so the Council might do the same, but some potentials, like Buffy still fall through the cracks?

Spike's hate for Angel is understandable. Angel had sex with Dru, in front of him, probably more than once. And this was after Spike said they were destined to be together. Angel can make jokes about Spike's abilities in bed, but I don't think Buffy would complain, especially in the comics.

Angel really hates watching Spike and Dru kiss. Oh how the tables have turned.

Willy is an ass.

The main event happens, two slayers and one Spike. And a race against time to save Angel, fun is to be had. Plus Xander and Cordy finish off the Bug Guy in quiet a simple but clever way.

That is until you lose the fight and then have a church dropped on you. Not one of Spike's best exits.

Everyone watches as they realise how much Buffy loves Angel and Kendra is the one to help them, even after she tried to kill him. It's a beautifully done scene.

Our boy Oz being awkward but manages to slide in the compliments with ease. Smooth. I like Oz and Willow together.

Seriously, Cordy and Xander need help

SMG was in a film with Chevy Chase called 'Funny Farm' although her scenes were cut. I'm not a Chevy Chase fan, I think the only film of his I have seen was Caddyshack. I tried watching Community but he put me off it. Barely made it through even the first half of season 1. I liked the other characters, just not him.

Even Kendra thinks Angel is cute, and does Buffy a favour by not telling her watcher about their relationship. It's a shame we don't see more of them together, they might have actually gotten on a bit better after a while.

Now Dru is the strong one and Spike is the weak one. This won't end well.

Next episode: what happens when your mother dates a new guy who might have a few secrets hidden away? Nothing good. Tomorrow we meet Ted.

[dogtheories]

booo we hate you chevy chase

[colinrobinson81191297315311]

Man. I genuinely can't tell if this is gonna be a plot point in an episode in the new season and this is just for footage or something. I can't put it past the writers. But due to personal reasons I will not believe this is real until it shows up in an episode and then I will Scream. Colin I hate to break it to you but Tumblr does not get any kind of dread about your infodumps. We all love it. So unless you feed off of good emotions too you're really wasting your time trying to get a boredom response. If you want bad vibes you're gonna need to top a lot of shit such as oppa homeless style and constable frozen. Go post a bad take in a popular fandom tag, the returns are infinite. Say something about fucking danganronpa or steven universe or something. Oh! Go critique something about helluva boss or hazbin hotel, that'll be best.

Thank you for your message, (somewhat) kind netizen.

I find your comments about "plot points" and "writers" are a little perplexing. I understand our documentary is following an episodic structure, and is released as such, but I assure you the only "writer" behind this blog is me, Colin Francis Ephraim Robinson, and the only "plot points" here are the cheap plots of land in the Midwest that I buy on Craigslist.

I thank you for the compliment about my "infodumps" and I'm very happy you all appreciate it, but I'm not here to feed or inspire any feelings of dread. I am simply here to "like" and "reblog" and connect with my fellow travel bugs. Contrary to popular belief (or what my housemates may tell you) I am not strictly about "bad vibes". I like good vibes. I can give good vibes. I like to rock out, throw down, go crazy, get wild, kick up my heels, cut loose, run amok, let my hair down, paint the town red, raise hell, and buy antiques online.

I do not know what those other things are. Steve Galaxy and Dangnabbit aren't on my radar, probably because they don't provide excitement and cutting-edge social commentary like The Brady Bunch Variety Hour, The Chevy Chase Show, and Riverdale do. I can give you more television recommendations if you would like. I hear Velma is good.

[tssspeaknowstan]

Swift Short Story (Eras Edition): Please Reblog After Reading. I'd like Taylor Swift to like it!

TAYLOR: IF YOU SEE THIS, PLEASE MESSAGE ME YOUR COMMENTS OR DROP A NOTE AFTER YOU READ THE STORY.

I wrote this months before Midnights was released—back in March 2022 actually. Because this story alternates between two characters, the ~ indicates a change in character.

__

December 11-12, 2019: Kennebunkport, Maine

You be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It's our love story; baby, just say, "Yes”(1). But our love story later became a tragedy when you: Stephen announced you'd be marrying someone else to please your dad. He told me, "if you and Stephen had been closer in age, maybe it would be fine," and that made me want to die. The idea he had of her, who was she? A never-needy, ever lovely jewel whose shine would reflect on you?(2). I was confused because I didn't feel pretty; I just felt used(3). I should've known that I wasn't your princess; this wasn't a fairytale. I wasn't the one you'd sweep off her feet(4).

We fought about your marriage at 2:30am because everything was slipping right out of our hands. I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street. I’ve raised myself for a goodbye because that was all I've ever known. You then took me by surprise; you said, "I'll never leave you alone because you are the best thing that's ever been mine." But the next morning, you broke your promise. At that point, I became the worst thing that's ever been yours(5).

~

The morning after our fight, I was driving in my Chevy when you called. You begged me, "Stephen: don't say yes, run away now. I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door. Don't wait, or say a single vow."(6). I should’ve stuck with that perfect plan, but I worried my father would sabotage it.

“Sorry Betty, but I can’t.” I then hung up. I still saw your face in my mind as I was driving away because none of us thought it was gonna end that way(7). You and I didn't know that we were built to fall apart. We broke the status quo before we broke each other's hearts (8). I was thinking one day, I'd tell the story of us; of how I was losing my mind when I saw you here. But I held my pride like I should've held you. Oh, I was scared to see our story's ending. Why was I pretending this was nothing? I'd tell you, "I miss you," but I didn't know how. I've never heard silence quite this loud(9).

I then got on with my dreadful December day to marry my witch wife. I would've had the sweetest day of my life in Kennebunkport's chocolate church if I married Betty instead.

December 13, 2022: New York City

Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right(10). My story started when it was hot and it was summer; I had my wife right there where I wanted her. A guy came along, got her alone, and let's hear the applause! He took her faster than I could say sabotage. He had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum(11). He always chased down the newest thing and took for granted what he had (12). And the saddest fear came creeping in; that she never loved me, him, anyone, or anything(13).

Then she came around again and said, "Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me." I remembered how that lasted for a day.I said, "I hate you," before we broke up(14). It was such a shame, because I was Sir Here to stay. Now I'd be Sir Gonna be alright someday. Maybe my wife would miss me; but by then, she’d become Mrs. too late(15). Regretting her was like wishing I never found out that love could be that strong(16).

Betty: three years had gone and I've been reaching, even though I knew you weren't there. I was playing back a thousand memories, baby; thinking about everything we've been through. Though maybe I've been going back too much lately; when time stood still and I had you(17). I've been out in the world; searching for my soul. I haven't been scared to be hip, but scared to get old. The last time I felt free was when none of that mattered because you were with me(18).

One night, I took a train from Kennebunkport to New York City, where I could take a vacation from my sorrow. It didn't take a while for me to find myself walking through a crowd, where I’d hear a Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under their coats. Everybody here wanted something more; they were searching for a sound they hadn't heard before(19). The only sound I wanted to hear was funk music at Tribeca's Dive Bar, where I later went.

There, it felt like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters and make fun of our exes. It also felt like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight to fall in love with strangers. I was happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. I then saw Betty yammering on with strangers she barely knew(20). Betty: would you still have me? Would you love me? Would you kiss me on this bar's porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you were to kiss me, would it be just like I dreamed it? Would it patch your broken wings?(21) I wished you'd say, "you'll remember me," while standing in your nice dress and staring at the sunset, babe. With your red lips and rosy cheeks, I hope you'd say, "you'll see me again" even if it were just in your wildest dreams."(22).

~

Stephen: you still got that James Dean daydream look in his eye, and I got that red lip classic thing that you liked. It's been a while; I didn't mean to stare(23). I heard your wife was nothing like me. Don't you smile at me and ask me how I've been. Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again(24). And if you've been missing me, you'd better keep it to yourself because coming back around here would be bad for your health(25).

I then saw my ex-man with his new girlfriend. She was like, "Oh my god! Isn't she your ex who lives in delusion?"

With pride, my ex-man replied,"Oh yeah! She’s still 22 and living inside her fairytale fantasy(26). She would've made such a lovely bride. What a shame she's f*cked in her head(27)" I wondered how many girls he had loved and left haunted(28).

Although his comments hurt me, I had to ignore him. So, I asked the bartender fella over there with the hella good hair, "Won't you come on over baby?(29)" I then loudly raised my Jack Daniels glass with the bartender's champagne glass. "Here's a toast to my real friends. They don't care about the he said, she said. And here's to my ex; because forgiveness is a nice thing to do." Hahaha, I couldn't even say it with a straight face!(30) I then pulled the bartender's black shirt towards me. "I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover."(31)

Stephen then joined in on my fun."Hey Betty! How have you been?"My senseless self spoke on behalf of my sensible soul. "Oh, I forgot that you existed and I thought that it'd kill me but it didn't(32). Stephen: don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled. I'm fine with my spite, my tears and my beers!(33)"

~I told her,"Betty: you need to calm down(34). This is why you'd got a long list of ex-lovers. They'd tell you, 'you're insane.' Because I know you love the players, and you love the game.""Oh, my God, look at that face. You look like my next mistake. Love's a game, wanna play?!(35)"

Because you played offence, I now had to play defence. After all, you, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, had knocked me off my feet again and got me feeling like I was nothing. "Betty, all you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life(36). You are wasted like all your potential and your words shoot to kill when you're mad. I hope you have a lot of regrets about that."(37). Thereafter, you stormed outside the bar and ran towards Central Park in tears.

Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, which made you run and hide like a scared little girl. I looked into your eyes; thought I knew you for a minute, now I wasn't so sure. So here was to everything coming down to nothing. Here was to silence, that cut me to the core. Where was this going? I thought I knew for a minute, but I didn't anymore. For years, I've been staring at the phone; you still haven't called and then I felt so low that I couldn't feel nothing at all. And I flashbacked to when you said, "I'll be here forever and always(38).

~

I knew men's looks could be deceiving but Stephen, I knew I saw a light in you. And as we used to walk, we'd talk and I didn't say half the things I wanted to. The way you walked, talked, and said my name; it was beautiful and wonderful(39). I wish you'd never changed because we were happy(40). We showed them all no one could touch the way we laughed in the dark. You should've always been there for me. You should've always burst through my door with that "baby I'm right here smile"and it would've felt like a million little shining stars had just aligned. And I would've been so happy. People asked me how I've been as I was combing back through my memories. What could I say when tears were streaming down my face in front of everyone I knew? And what could I do when the one who meant the most to me was the one who didn't show? You should've been here and I would've been so happy.

Later, Stephen caught up to me at Central Park and said, "I'm sorry,"And I said, "I'm sorry too," and that was the moment I knew(41) you didn't deserve me. People like you would always want back my love they pushed aside, but people like me would be gone forever if they said goodbye(42)."Baby—""Don't call me baby. Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me(43) become.""You just don't understand me."

I've been dreaming about the day when you would wake up and find that the best girl you were looking for has been here the whole time. "Unlike your wife, I was the only one who understood you. I’ve been waiting here all along. So, why couldn’t you see that you belonged with me?(44)" Silence then came down upon you as you were looking up. Because you didn't answer, I started running.

~

And right before your eyes, I was aching. I wore my best apology, but I was there to watch you leave(45), which I couldn’t accept. "Come on Betty, don't leave me like this! I thought I had you figured out. Something's gone terribly wrong. You're all I wanted."(46)

You were drowning in your tears when you replied, "Then answer me!""My dying father threatened to remove me from his will if I didn't marry his business partner's daughter, who later died." Among the properties in that will, included his mansion, where I was raised. I still lived in that home, but without you Betty, I was homeless.

You then surprised me with details on what you've been doing during your love life. "You don't know how many guys I've dated since you left. I've been breaking hearts a long time, and toying with those older guys. They were just playthings for me to use. This is how love works(47)." No, it isn't.

Love was all you wanted, because you were giving it away like it's extra change and hoping it would end up in men’s pocket. But men left you out like a penny in the rain(48). I could've picked up the pieces for you, even though in most men's eyes, you were beyond repair. We had a crooked love headed in a straight line down; it'd make any couple wanna run and hide. Then it'd make them turn right back around(49).

I missed your tan skin and your sweet smile. So good to me, so right and how I held you in my arms that December night. Maybe this was wishful thinking or probably mindless dreaming. But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can’t. So if the chain was on your heart's door, I’d understand(50).

I should've been there in the back of your mind. I shouldn't be asking myself, "Why?" You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet. You should've said, "No" to your dad, and you might still have me(51). But then, I remembered how you were the only one who took the time to memorize me; you still knew my fears, my hopes and dreams(52). Even in my worst times, you saw the best of me(53).

My head wanted to push you out, but my heart wanted to pull you in."As much as I wanna believe you Stephen, I’m scared that ghosts from your past are gonna jump out at me; they'd lurk in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles.” “I don't care because right now you're mine.” Then you said, “don't you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. But they can't take the love that's ours(54). I wish you would come back."

And I wish you knew that I missed you too much to be mad anymore. I then began choking up. "I confess, babe. In my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if I wanna try having a relationship again with you. And I almost do(55).” I was a mess, but I was the mess that you wanted(56). You then dried my tears. "It's okay, Betty. I wanna try again with you." “Thanks Stephen. I promise to be your strength.” “And I promise to be your solace—forever and always."

Then, I didn't know how it’d get better than this. My hands shook. You pulled me in and I became a little more brave. It was your old kiss, which was flawless(57). I've been spending the last three years thinking all love ever would do was break, burn, and end. But on a Wednesday on this new day, I watched it begin again (58).

__

Lyrical credits to Taylor Swift. This story won't be published in any print publication.

Song List

1. Love Story: Fearless

2. All Too Well (10 Minute Version): Red (From the Vault)

3. Lucky One: Red

4. White Horse: Fearless

5. Mine: Speak Now

6. Speak Now: Speak Now

7. Breathe: Fearless

8. The Very First Night: Red (From The Vault)

9. Story of Us: Speak Now

10. State of Grace: Red

11. Better Than Revenge: Speak Now

12. Girl at Home: Red

13. I Knew You Were Trouble: Red

14. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: Red

15. Mr. Perfectly Fine: Fearless (From The Vault)

16. Red: Red

17. If This Was a Movie: Speak Now/Fearless (Taylor's Version)

18. I Bet You Think About Me: Red (From The Vault)

19. Welcome to New York: 1989

20. 22: Red

21. betty: Folklore

22. Wildest Dreams: 1989

23. Style: 1989

24. Don't You: Fearless (From The Vault)

25. Picture to Burn: Taylor Swift

26. right where you left me: evermore

27. champagne problems: evermore

28. ...Ready for It?: Reputation

29. Shake it Off: 1989

30. This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Reputation

31. Lover: Lover

32. I Forgot That You Existed: Lover

33. closure: evermore

34. You Need to Calm Down: Lover

35. Blank Space: 1989

36. Mean: Speak Now

37. this is me trying: folklore

38. Forever & Always: Fearless

39. Hey Stephen: Fearless

40. We Were Happy: Fearless (From The Vault)

41. The Moment I Knew: Red

42. All You Had to Do Was Stay: 1989

43. illicit affairs: folklore

44. You Belong With Me: Fearless

45. The Last Time: Red

46. Haunted: Speak Now

47. Don't Blame Me: Reputation

48. Tied Together With a Smile: Taylor Swift

49. I Wish You Would: 1989

50. Back to December: Speak Now

51. Should've Said No: Taylor Swift

52. Stay Stay Stay: Red

53. Dress: Reputation

54. Ours: Speak Now

55. I Almost Do: Red

56. Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Reputation

57. Fearless: Fearless

58. Begin Again: Red

[gtunesmiff]

2023 NOVEMBER POEM-A-DAY CHAPBOOK CHALLENGE: DAY 3 ~ LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE

LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE

© 2023 G. Smith (BMI)

===================

It's... a... Logistical nightmare, Tryin' to get there; With family everywhere,  From coast to coast. Jumpin' a jet plane, Hoppin' a freight train, Traffic is insane; I hate packin' the most, the most; I hate packin; the most.

If I could just get off of the L.A. freeway, Get through the line for the airport x-ray, And get back in time for work the next day; Is it worth all this stress? It happens this time every year, Still, nobody ever gets any nearer, We all need our space, it couldn't be much clearer; This family is a mess.

It's... a... Logistical nightmare, Tryin' to get there; With family everywhere,  From coast to coast. Jumpin' a jet plane, Hoppin' a freight train, Traffic is insane; I hate packin' the most, the most; I hate packin; the most.

What to with do with the family pet? How many times will I hear, "Are we there yet?"? A dozen? More? I won't take that bet; And what's the weather gonna be? Will Annie make it in on time? If she's late, Mom'll make it a crime, What's gonna happen? I guess that I'm Gonna have to wait and see.

It's... a... Logistical nightmare, Tryin' to get there; With family everywhere,  From coast to coast. Jumpin' a jet plane, Hoppin' a freight train, Traffic is insane; I hate packin' the most, the most; I hate packin; the most.

The day arrives - we all made it! Impressed by how everyone played it. If you ask, I know they'd say it, Was worth all of the trouble. Heading home the way we came; Playing this annual holiday game, Family ties are all to blame; Bartender - make it a double.

It's... a... Logistical nightmare, Tryin' to get there; With family everywhere,  From coast to coast. Jumpin' a jet plane, Hoppin' a freight train, Traffic is insane; I hate packin' the most, the most; I hate packin; the most.

(With apologies to Guy Clark, Steve Martin, John Candy, Chevy Chase... and family...)

Prompt: PROBLEM

𝖌

<))><

[expfcultragreen]

This shit is fucking hokum. If its so empowering why do some kids need typing tools to finish assigned copying work, sorry flashback to 1993 where i got to not be tortured for one day because they randomly decided i could have access to the thing for when you dont have to do cursive anymore and then decided that actually they preferred when i had to stay after school because the "obstinance" and "avoidance" was obviously just me being bratty--refusing to learn mindless compliance, the greatest lesson of all--and if they played into my hands and bought my ~obviously 🙄😮‍💨 fake-panic bratty kid get-the-doctors-note routine like, ALL the kids would do it, so they had to make the road to accommodation as inhospitable as possible? And also my parents would immediately kibosh that kind of thing anyway?

Plot twist im dyslexic and i have adhd! And my cursive is still unsightly. The adults were all just shitlords for lying that this would ever matter! Like guess what no one EVER looks at your handwriting other than you again anyway unless you pretty much force them, like oops wow right that took years of my life away pretty much all on its own, and they all KNEW it was stupid then! im so pissed. why do we have to wait until university to simply write down whatever we think will prepare us for testing, in whatever format we want, without it being scrutinized. If you paid the kids in decent classroom prizes for testing well, they'd apply themselves to learning. (Why do we spend years berating kids about the secondhand legibility of their ~future [private] note-taking scrawl, especially when one's lettering "hand" seems basically innate outside extensive personal motivation toward intense calligraphic training, which, like, they force us to do calligraphic training for years actually like monks or nuns or something and this is virtually like classroom ponyplay, i hate it? Seems perverse.) This would require a budget and an abundance mentality but like worse things have happened. The crusades. Chevy chase's career.

[seashellsoldier]

“Gone To The Wolves” by John Wray (2023)

I really, truly wanted to love this novel. Ilana Masad gave a glowing review for NPR (https://www.npr.org/2023/05/04/1173613977/john-wray-novel-gone-to-the-wolves-heavy-metal-book-review), which only heightened my interest and led me to purchase the e-book through Barnes & Noble.  

As a traumatized and misfit kid of the ‘80s who embraced heavy metal in ’85, then thrash in ’87, then speed in ’88, then crust and grindcore and death metal after my very first concert—the Milwaukee Metal Fest of ’89, then . . . just a couple of years later as the “Grunge Gold Rush” took off . . . all subgenera of what is now a vast spectrum of metal musicianship, I felt this story might resonate deeply within my grey matter of memories. Back then, metalheads were truly outcasts just about everywhere, the geeks and freaks and broken things that slithered into our own cloistered cliques who haunted the back of the cafeteria and found solace in empty parking lots far away from the football and basketball games, wanting to disappear and be left alone with our music and comic books and hollowed-out dreams. Finding kinship in any form was something akin to fate; the dark gods smiling on their chosen bastard children for some blissful moment. Tape-trading was the ONLY way to discover new music that wasn’t on garbage FM rock stations, until Columbia House started having a metal insert in their monthly mailings. There were the magazines, but we never read any of them. Nobody had the money to piss away, or the monomaniacal fascination to toss money at them. I didn’t even know about MTV’s Headbangers Ball until about ’90 and only then because my girlfriend was babysitting at a house who could afford cable. 

I remember that hallowed night in a cavernous building in the dead of winter watching some 30 bands blast us to shreds in Milwaukee, most of whom I had never heard of before then. We were kids amongst a horde of leather-clad giants handing us beers and drags from joints and pushing pills in our hands (“just say no!”). Nuclear Assault nuked the place. I remember being deafened by a wall of speakers as Judas Priest opened up with a long drum solo for their Painkiller tour in Chicago, while Rob Halford languidly rolled out on his Harley as another curtain opened to reveal a second wall of speakers. I remember climbing a plastic construction fence to get to the sound booth in the rafters as Rage Against the Machine whipped the crowd into a frenzied mob on the outskirts of Honolulu. They tore the place apart. I remember seeing Metallica in Bangkok in an open-air arena with what felt like a million others who spoke a different language. I remember seeing Type O Negative, Danzig, and Ronnie James Dio-fronted Black Sabbath play on Halloween 1994, and the hurried drive back for the graveyard shift with some kindred spirits with ears ringing and the afterglow lasting long past dawn. I remember seeing Project 86 at what seemed like a 1950s cocktail lounge in Chevy Chase, Maryland, as they thunderously evoked their Songs to Burn Your Bridges By, and as I prepared to go to Iraq to save hallowed democracy from the evils of Islam (and cash in on their oil fields). I remember seeing Slipknot at a filthy toilet-bowl bar in downtown Des Moines looking like lunatics who just escaped from the asylum and raided a cheap costume store (by this time I was wearing earplugs to concerts big and small). I remember seeing the almighty GWAR, alien overlords that they are, in Minneapolis, drenching the crowd in fountains of fake bile and blood and semen. I remember thousands of us screaming “God hates us all!” over and over at a Slayer show to the silent, impotent, starry and frigid firmament in Sacramento. I remember seeing Obituary on Leap Day 2020, as the world soon succumbed to the worst pandemic in a hundred years, and the millions of obituaries which followed in its wake. I remember, quite recently, Body Count turning their mosh pit into a furious meat grinder with energy I’ve not witnessed ever before, nor probably will ever again. The hate is real, America. It is so tangibly real. So many other venues, tours, and bands with less-permanent memories are held within my mind, for as long as that lasts. Metal music is infused within my apostate, heathen, godless life-blood. It will accompany me beyond, to whatever end awaits us all. Most likely boring, open-mawed Oblivion. 

The chord that rang out was familiar enough—an overdriven minor triad—but what stood [Kip’s] hair on end was how it felt. Distorted guitar had always had a certain temperature to him: it had always, no matter how vicious the music, been a sound he understood in terms of heat. Embedded with that warmth—hidden inside it—lived a cryptic form of life-affirming power. Deicide and Morbid Angel played their riffs to raise the dead, not to inter them. That was the nature of the exchange, the secret truth of the transaction, however bleak the songs might sound to virgin ears. Rage and violence and pain instead of nothingness (pp. 226-227, Nook). 

Wray captures this environment—this “subculture”—incredibly well, even if his chosen trio is nothing like anyone I ever knew, wedged as we were between the steel mills and iron works of East Chicago and Gary, Indiana, and the endless cornfields of everywhere beyond. Florida backwater it was not, but neither did anyone have the depth of knowledge in guitars, amplifiers, band members, and vocabulary like Leslie does at such a similar age. Doesn’t matter. I was the quiet, awkward, rage-filled wallflower . . . and metal music filled the void in my damaged soul. 

Masad has understandable issues with the lone female character, Kira, but at the same time the “beautiful but broken girl from a white-trash home” was a familiar trope from my high-school hellscape. No circus-freak father required. Normal blue-collar fathers were awful enough. My white-collar Vietnam Vet father was simply a haunted monster no bottle of bourbon could quell. Connie and Angie and Kim and Shannon and Crystal fit the bill all-too perfectly with Kira, if tragically. Masad may want to do some research on childhood trauma and its effects on developing brains. I have no idea if any of them are alive today, but I have no recollection of any of them speaking to the depth of personality that Kira does either. We didn’t grow up online though. We had, at best, five or six television stations to gawk at. Some regrets can never be resolved. Some mistakes never forgiven. 

Gone To The Wolves is theatrically broken into three parts for our wayward trio: the Florida Death Metal scene, the dying LA Glam and rising LA Thrash scene, then—oddly—the Norwegian Black Metal scene. It’s the Scooby-Doo third part that collapsed my nostalgic high, but I understand Wray’s supposed Dan-Brown desire to make a “thrilling finale”. For me, it falls flat by stepping way outside plausible reality (but I’m primarily a nonfiction reader so grant me some leeway if this is the norm these days). Too many people need endorphin bumps every two minutes or so thanks to tech addiction. I do not. I would have liked to see our troubled trio mature in the early 90s, like most of us did to one degree or another. Some died early of course, others weren’t true metalheads to begin with. We die-hards are devoted to the bitter end. 

While I can’t definitively identity with any character in this book, Wray opens to door to so many vibrant arteries of our subculture’s primordial existence that we can—at the very least—sympathize with them. We knew people who resembled them. The lost souls, the drug addicts, the lovelorn, the bipolar-depressive violent. I have to assume early heavy metal coming-of-age stories are rare. Nobody truly cared about us, and they still don’t. So maybe we can call this The Perks of Being a Wallflower meets Lords of Chaos? 

Nevertheless, completely enjoyable, to a fault. 

[the-firebird69]

You have several things that are happening because of us moving the stuff they're open arms they're going after it and yeah they're chasing after it and we're pushing people out of dealerships I was going after them were doing after people who are chasing after it, we're going after people in the dealerships and all over the world and Ford dealerships and yeah we need Chevy and others and was thinking of signing tonight and they are too and it says to get them in there now and sign Chevy and whoever else wants to volunteer to do it and Toyota is and Honda and we have plansiac Chrysler actually they're going to try and get it all together for tonight here and then tomorrow in the in the other countries then they said no tonight right now and they'll do it over there and we said okay and the headquarters is here no it's in New York City so they're going to do it both places but it's going on now and for more than just automobiles and we're moving it and they see it. Matter of fact we're getting attentive agreement faxed over. And for each company we're reading it inside it and faxing it back. It's good enough it's 90%. So we're going to start sending stuff and both of us do it and it's this huge Force around it and it's going to draw them and they're going to get nailed and it's all over the world and it's way more than they can handle and they suck it's going to be over for now and the movies will start the mob movies my son says he wants the sausage up this is why I said because I want all the idiots in the city and the idiot will threaten the other idiot and that's what the idiot wants he goes which idiot now that would be Jason would be threatening Trump in the hate each other and it's probably why Lily shoots him in the head that's probably why and all those nincompoops will go in the city and their cover and it's absurd they're going to message each other up and if it Tommy F doesn't care he says no not really he will afterwards but he doesn't care now so mac gets it and it's on, it's a great idea and yeah it's my idea and I talked to him and her about it and it was Freya her idea too

It's very forceful it's very potent and powerful and hasn't happens in a certain time and this is the time and I knew about that and I started laughing he goes wow this is awesome and I said laughed again and he said finally I got one in there that was me saying it

Thor Freya

Wow this is going to be great we better look at it

Olympus

[monstermaster13]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ah, the fall season...the season where summer bids us farewell, the leaves fall down and everything starts to get a little bit chillier (or warmer depending on what country you’re from) and where everything isn’t as it seems. Picture if you will, a time of year in which September counts down and leaves us for the year, chances are it is happening to you right now and when the ghosts/ghouls/undead beings start to wake up and plan their plans for the season of fright, that’s right, October. October is the season of fright, the season of monsters and horror, the season where the horror buffs out there get ready to embrace their inner monster. Now you have entered a world of paranormal activity, strange events, and supernatural beings, a world simply known as being part of the other half of your dimension, known as the Aykroyd zone. Why the Aykroyd zone? Because of the Aykroyd-verse being a major part of this and because of the Were-Aykroyd in general. The Were-Aykroyd or ‘Dan’ as he’s often called, loves to pay visit to his admirers around this time of year. And who is he you ask? Well he’d tell you but he would rather keep it a secret.

Nathan Forester was a massive fan of the spooky season, of horror in general and also a massive Dan Aykroyd simp. He was part of the Simp Central group on Discord and often chatted with his friends on there about his love of Dan Aykroyd and shared his insane-ly brilliant tales with them, he didn’t think of himself was superior to anyone else, he was just being himself, and he had a secret. ‘Ugh...I don’t get why you deal with these sorts of people that don’t get your work.’ Mel the koala-girl exclaimed as she walked into the apartment room her friend was in.

“I know, seriously that Lorne guy…”

“I dealt with him myself, that guy is a pain in the ass.”

‘What is this? Like what is this? Seriously… isn’t it a lot to expect potential viewers to endure constant whining about being a victim?’ Nathan quipped, mimicking Lorne’s pompous comments. ‘Yeah, I found that comment to be stupid to be too. Like seriously, what was his problem with you anyway? You didn’t ask for his opinion, yet he showed up like a snooty parasite and sucked the life out of any enjoyment you were having at the time.’ ‘Absolutely and get this: He thinks i’ m whining about being a victim because nobody likes my uploads. Like he has any say in the matter, he’s not even a regular in the Amiright-verse. Seriously, what potential viewers? The Amiright-verse’s show was NEVER popular. Heck I was the only good character on that show during its initial 2008-2010 run.’

“Do you remember Lorne at all?”

‘No, all I remember is that the performances you get from that show often range from good to terrible and sometimes you get crap like Anondria/fake Andria who pretty much was already a stupid character idea since she was just a parody of a troll character pretending to be a woman, and she wasn’t even funny.’ ‘And that Annie Are You Okay chick.’ ‘Yeah, seriously pretending to be Jay Leno in order to defame me and attempting to ruin Jay for me like that. Why did Chucky and the other cast members even like her? She had no talent and she was the worst cast member of that year’s line-up. Heck it was her that caused me to hate Red and Agrimorfee during my run, because clearly they liked her and not me, despite her being medium talent at best.’ ‘Yeah I really have to question where he finds those people for that show. It really declined after you got kicked off the show though.’ ‘I admit that I was a bit of a Chevy Chase back then but I didn’t mean to. It’s just...why that medium talented hack was picked over me in terms of parody material is beyond me.’

“Yeah. I hated that character right from her first appearance. Why did she hate you? All she ever did was loathe you for stupid reasons and try to defame you. Such a bitch, truly the worst villain the Amiright-verse ever produced next to Andria.”

‘At least with Andria we didn’t find out she was actually a villain until much later, specifically the 2010-2012 run and by then I was just popping up for guest appearances on the show as a comeback. The twist with the Andria character actually being a male body-snatching demon from the Daloli-verse definitely paid off.’ ‘Yeah, Andria was the most complex villain in that universe. I wouldn’t call Red Ant or Agrimofee villains since they were both doing their jobs and they were obviously brainwashed by Annie into turning against you.’ ‘But this Lorne guy..I don’t even get it. Why did he just randomly show up and accuse me of playing the victim card when I don’t play the victim card since I actually DID lose two of my best friends and have trouble dealing with loss?’ ‘Maybe he thinks that you made a big deal out of it.’

“Nah. He clearly doesn’t think at all judging by his comments.”

‘Tell me about it. He told me that if you wanted to be more liked as a character you could drop the Were-Aykroyd act any time and talk about something else.’ ‘Well if he wanted to be more liked, he could have dropped the asshole persona anytime but nooo, it seems he didn’t get it.’ ‘Luckily though I fixed him…’ ‘Also act? What act? Does he think that this Were-Aykroyd thing is an act that I put on as part of a shock performance or something? Being a Were-Aykroyd is a way of life, since Dan possessed me this has been the way.’

“He’s just lucky he just crossed paths with me and not your Were-Aykroyd side.”

“Oh believe me, if he had met Dan he would have gotten straightened out for sure.”

‘Fortunately he or rather she...is now Laura Palmer.’ ‘So you turned him into Laura?’ ‘Yes and she is much nicer.’ ‘Besides, everyone knows all the Aykroyd centric song parody sequences I do in the Amiright-verse show aren’t done by me, well they’re written by me, but half of the time when those sequences happen it’s Dan himself singing them.’ ‘Everyone knows the Were-Aykroyd side possesses you when you do those sequences.’

“Being a Were-Aykroyd isn’t a costume, it’s not cosplay. It’s a lifestyle, it’s what I am.”

“Exactly.”

Nathan prided himself on being weird and dark, and he prided himself on creating material that astounded and frightened people and he knew that the Were-Aykroyd got himself a lot of admirers, and he couldn’t help but dream about it, being Dan Aykroyd was kind of enticing to him and he knew it. That’s why he couldn’t help but notice those masks on display, one of them was of Dan Aykroyd in the Twilight Zone movie.

Of course he had Were-Aykroyd powers that he often took advantage of. ‘Ha, those guys on that forum wannabe site who just sat there calling me a rando and saying I had a touch of the schiz and parental issues, well they’re the ones with issues. If clearly they say they don’t care about me then they shouldn’t have tagged me in their back-talking conversations in the first place.’ ‘I’ll say.’ Dan’s voice emitted from a mirror nearby.

“Dan...what a pleasant surprise.”

“You seem to be not too happy to see me.”

“It’s not that i’m not happy to see you, it’s just that I was in the middle of something.”

“And I couldn’t help but hear that you needed help dealing with those people.”

“It’s true, I do.”

‘Don’t you worry i’ve got this, just listen to me.’ Knowing how much he trusted the Canadian actor and writer, Nathan couldn’t help but listen to Dan’s words and agree with them, when he was in that forum-verse’s realm, he couldn’t believe just how stupid half of the people on there and he never could understand why they spoke in what he could only describe as edgelord language with such terms as ‘rando’ and ‘spedromon’. What even were those? He knew rando meant weird but there was not even any Urban Dictionary for ‘spedromon’. ‘Like what the hell even is spedromon anyway? Some kind of weird Digimon name? Gabu digivolve to..Spedromon! A racial slang term? Don’t they even speak real English?’ ‘Edgelord speak isn’t even a legit language, it’s like a bunch of aliens imitating humans thinking that’s how we talk online these days and decided to copy that.’

Those people obviously didn’t get that Nathan wasn’t demanding and asking them to care about his plight, but given his situation he would have done anything to get those Daloli-verse parasites away from him at the time, he knew they caused drama and did nothing but target hm for no reason and took things he said out of context. The Homestuck fanboy that tried to defame him and attack him turned out to be a demon who almost got away with taking over Jade Harley’s body if it wasn’t for one little flaw - he was a coward, a coward who obviously knew didn’t know when to quit and didn’t know when he had been beaten. Of course the Monster World universe’s version of Jade was designed to resemble an actual humanoid character instead of how she looked in the web comic. Nathan just felt bad for Jade in that sense, stuck with a deranged pseudo-serial killer wannabe who wanted her body and didn’t like her as a person. He thought Jade deserved better than that guy, he could tell Jade didn’t want anything to do with that stalker. It was literally like the Tales From The Crypt episode Dead Right. He knew Jade was only in a relationship with that stalker so she could pretend to love him and she only wanted to wait around until he died, or got arrested/defeated. She loved the bastard, she hated every little thing about him, from his two-faced way of saying he’d ‘move on’ only to complain behind other people’s backs, to his obsession with her, to the fact nobody even bothered to do something, she wanted him gone. Of course Jade did get her revenge on him by cursing him to be exactly like her, and now said stalker becomes Jade’s twin whenever he gets ‘bitchy’ with someone.

Nathan chuckled as he listened to Dan. ‘Listen to me, you don’t need people like that, so you lost two of your best friends within last year? If they were so quick to leave you like that, they should have told you.’ ‘One of them did, the other isolated themselves from me.’ ‘If your very own best friend isolates themselves from you without even explaining first, then I think they have problems, but problems can be fixed.’

“What do you mean?”

“I think last year ended on a terrible note for me. But you made things better.”

“Indeed I did, and you know what? I can help you.”

“You can?”

“Yes...a good Were-Aykroyd always helps.”

Those words made Nathan feel better and more relaxed as the eyes on the mask gave off an eerie glow and hypnotized him, he began to think about being Dan again. Those people who called him a rando would pay for that and he knew just how he’d do so, as he thought about letting his own inner Were-Aykroyd out. He examined himself for a bit as a tingling sensation slowly crept over him, his arms slowly broadened as brownish hairs grew on them while his skin matured and as his hands grew in size. The same type of hairs grew on his palms too.

In addition to this his chest broadened as the hairs grew on them, his stomach also broadened and grew in size and width, sporting brownish hairs on it while his back also broadened a it, he examined himself, feeling quite proud of himself as his legs altered in the same way as his hands, his feet enlarged as two of the toes between both feet stuck together at the knuckle, becoming webbed in appearance. He slowly shot up in height to 6’1 as his rear plumped up, his shoulders broadened and he could already hear Dan Aykroyd’s voice in his head, telling him this was natural as his neckline altered, his hair darkened a bit as his brow altered while his forehead elevated, his eyes widened, one turning green while the other remained brown, his nose broadened, a small cleft popping up in the middle of it as his lips became a bit more kissable and his features contorted, becoming Aykroydian. He looked very much like Dan now and he knew it, he always couldn’t help but simp over himself. Naturally since the Were-Aykroyd in general was extremely alluring and charismatic and thicc, that part in particular was often overlooked. His voice deepened and matured, developing a Canadian accent and altering into a replication of Dan’s voice, as his mind and personality altered, giving him the charismatic personality of his persona. That persona was a separate persona from his normal one, that he just so happened to enjoy being.

It was at this point he was fully this persona and he was still himself at the same, he was Dan the Were-Aykroyd and he was protective of his other half. His other-half ‘Nathan’ was someone that he took pride in teaching his ways to ‘Nathan’ and making sure that everything was right, and he knew he had an important job to do. ‘Ah yes, i’ve got some particularly nasty specimens on the chan-board forum realm to sort out.’ He used his powers to appear in the realm known as the Daloli-verse reject zone.

This zone’s main inhabitants were antagonists that even the main daloli-verse citizens turned down, one was IanBlanko. Ian’s appearance was basically akin to a sewer mutant, as a result of his hatred for Nathan, he hated Nathan and thought that it was disgusting that Nathan was a hypocrite for liking pig transformations while also disliking weight gain transformations were just skinny characters becoming larger versions of themselves. He himself was a grotesque creature and his avatar form did him no favors, his avatar form depicted a man who wore makeup that resembled the face of a cow, obviously this man was part of the Daloli-verse subculture and believed all that garbage that the Daloli-verse’s conspiracy theorist high-priest told him about him being a humanoid cow-monster. ‘Ah here we are, hello Mr Blanko.’ ‘I know you...you’re the Were-Aykroyd.’ ‘Yes I am and you’ve been a bad little parasite haven’t you?’ ‘What? No I haven’t.’

“A good Were-Aykroyd always knows when someone has been lying, and your group is notorious for it.”

“What? How did you know that?”

‘I know that you said that you found it hypocritical that Nathan didn’t like weight gain stories/transformations where someone just becomes an overweight slovenly version of themselves. You heard incorrectly, he specifically said that he hates it when it’s just a skinny or non-fat character being fattened up and made into a slob, not that he hates weight gain in general. Also what do pig transformations have to do with it?’ ‘I….’ ‘Oh I get it, it’s because half of the pig tf subjects in the wall of favorites are female and you think it’s body-shaming, yet it’s totally not body-shaming if it’s a man, right?’ ‘I didn’t say that.’ ‘You do realize that it’s not Nathan’s fault that the wall of favorites features mostly female transformations, right? I mean he didn’t commission those morph sequences to happen, those were courtesy of others, so why blame poor Nathan for it? And also...yes, it’s hypocritical...for you to think this is disgusting, yet you yourself clearly according to your official bio state that you identify as a cow-monster.’

“So I identify as a cow-monster, so what?”

‘You claim to identify as a descendant of the dark anthro bovine goddess Moocifer, who isn’t even part of your universe or the Daloli-verse. She is a Monsterverse and DA-Verse villain, and she has never had any descendants in the universe she comes from, in order for her to do that, her powers would need to be transferred to others.’ ‘Okay so I got one little bit of her myths wrong.’ ‘Not just one...but all the bits. Nothing in the myth says anything resembling what you mention in your bio, you didn’t even mention her shadow form or the fact that she pretty much ruled over the nightmare city.’

“Okay so I got everything wrong..”

‘Not just that, but you’re not even the same species. You only appeared in the form of a cow-monster because you were told by the Daloli-verse’s high priest that you have the soul of a cow-monster inside you. Said priest is a scam artist who uses his powers to con people and honestly if you are gullible enough to believe him, even the Daloli-verse’s dumbest would think you’re a moron.’ ‘But…’ ‘And about racial changes? Why do you dislike them? It’s not even offensive, ugh...you wannabe dalol-ilians these days.’

“What?”

“Looks like i’m going to have to teach you a lesson.”

Dan used his powers to bring the dimwitted Ian closer to him, he then used his powers to drain the hate-demon attributes out of him before entrancing him. Ian realized he had been a horrible person and thus broke down in tears, he never meant to offend Nathan or ‘Dan’, it’s just he wanted to belong and to be known, but the problem was the Daloli-Rejects were only ever noticed because of how just they seemed to vapidly agree with the actual Daloli-verse on everything, he was basically a patsy to those types of people. ‘Now what kind of organization actually allows this to happen to someone who clearly didn’t deserve it?’ ‘A bad one?’ ‘Exactly, your friends and the Daloli-verse are evil. They corrupted your own opinion of Nathan to be a hateful one even though you don’t even know him.’

‘My friend isn’t corrupted and we’re not evil!’ Another ‘reject’ chimed in, that reject was Jake, Jake was a bit of a smug jackass who always thought that there was always subtext that meant something else.’ ‘Says the man who said that the one Nights of Alterations episode was an incest allegory.’ ‘Well it was. That monster-boy was in a gay relationship with someone who was also his surogate father figure, clearly it’s incest.’ ‘No, it’s not. Whoever told you that it’s incest, they don’t know what it actually is. Look, people like you are the reason the episode got edited and remade. Because honestly the show wasn’t made for you to complain about.’ ‘I’m sorry, okay.’ ‘Oh and by the way, Nathan is bi and so am I. He didn’t choose to make them bisexual in the remake to make fun of snobby wannabe critics like you.’

“Okay i’m sorry.”

“Oh and i’m not done yet, remember that one deranged Homestuck fanboy?”

“The Jade Harley fetishist?”

“Yes, the demon with the Jade Harley fetish who turned out to be a serial killer.”

‘Okay I do admit that he got a little carried away….’ ‘ And who’s fault is that? Oh that’s right, yours.’ Dan held him up with his super-human strength and grabbed him before running his hands through his hair. ‘I hate to admit it, but you’re right.’ ‘Of course I am. I mean if I was Andrew Hussie and I saw that freak trying to stalk me I would become afraid of my own biggest fans for life. Heck, i’d self isolate from them forever.’ ‘We’re sorry.’ ‘You still need fixing though, allow me to show you.’ Dan used his powers to condition Ian and Jake forever, helping them remember all the mistakes they had made and as they did he transferred his powers to them, transforming them into Were-Aykroyds just like him, both of them were turned equally as Aykroyd-like as he was, and immediately forgot about the Daloli-verse or being part of the group to begin with. ‘You’re right, why would we be part of such a ridiculous group? Clearly we are too intelligent to be with people who think little of us.’ ‘Of course, you’re my new siblings after all. You’ve got a little bit of me in you.’ The two new Were-Aykroyds then gestured over to the direction of the Reject members who called Nathan a ‘rando’, one of them was a ratty looking humanoid named Jacobslaughter who looked like a mix of a stereotypical stoner and a Chud. ‘Excuse me, are the rando guy?’

‘Who wants to know?’

‘I do. Hi i’m Dan. And I heard you talked about Nathan to your fellow rejects-members behind his back after he quit your group and called him a rando.’ ‘Well that’s just because he came across as someone who obviously has a case of the schiz and parental issues who acts like a major rando for no reason other to make threats and demands towards us as if he thinks we care about who he is.’ ‘Threats? Demands? Look, all he did was ask you to get rid of two little pests known as Ian and Jake. But don’t worry I fixed that for you. Next time, keep your little minions away from my friends. And also using schizophrenia as an insult is offense to people with actual mental conditions.’ ‘And we should care about this why?’ ‘Because if you go around calling someone who wants you to help him rando and act like he’s a nutcase, then you have problems.’

“Uhhhh…”

‘And another thing...if your friends clearly don’t care why bother talking about him at all? He’s gone, he’s not coming back, shaming him will not make him come back. Also don’t you know his father died two years ago? Bringing up parental issues around him is one way to tick him off.’ ‘What are you, my grand-dad?’ Dan cleared his throat and manifested as an elderly version of himself as he appeared next to him and mocked him. ‘You kids and your randos and your spedromon and whatever slang term you’re using these days. When I was your age we spoke proper English and didn’t use textspeak and we didn’t say no1currs either. We used words like moron, knucklehead, peabrain, stupid, brain-dead.’ ‘Are you mocking me?’ ‘I sure am. Like what kind of person outside of the dimension/realm you come from talks like that?’ ‘Hey...don’t trash my language.’ ‘it’s a language ripe for trashing if you ask me. It’s like an alien that thought that humans talk in textspeak and memes all the time so that’s the default style and it’s a style that doesn’t speak to you.’ ‘What?’ ‘It’s so true, oh and that attire of yours too...ugh, deliver me from LL Bean.’

‘What?’ ‘I think there’s a lot about you that needs to be desired. But you’re not right, I can fix you.’ ‘Fix me? But i’m fine the way I am.’ Before the foolish Jacob could say anything though, Dan grabbed him and dragged him closer, using his hypnotic voice to put him under his spell and condition him, making him regret everything he had said. He felt more relaxed as Dan conditioned him further and he realized…’why would I be here anyway? Clearly I don’t belong with those non-Aykroydian specimens. I want to be Aykroydian.’ With a kiss Dan fully converted Jacob and turned him into a fellow Were-Aykroyd, before going after the rest of the rejects and converting them.

It wasn’t long until the entirety of the Daloli-verse’s rejects groups were all Aykroyded up, with that done Dan decided to leave the Daloli-verse reject’s realm and head back to the Monster-verse, after all he was getting ready for the halloween season and he had a party to plan for all his admirers. And thus our little tale comes to a conclusion, but not before Dan decided to set up a few Dan Aykroyd mask displays, including a Valkenheiser mask, he knew that there were people that would definitely want them.

The lesson for this story is to always be careful of who you pick on online, if you end up questioning or picking on someone who has powers then you should always apologize or they might come to get you as a form of revenge, be careful of who you call a ‘rando’, because the real rando isn’t the person you’re mocking, it’s YOU. When someone who looks and acts different than you asks for help, don’t dismiss them and call them a ‘rando’..help them, after all there’s no place in this world for that kind of behavior. But don’t worry, you can fix that, by going on a little to a place known as the Aykroyd zone.

[theinsanecrayonbox]

KP watches Snow Day 2022

so...Nick apparently remade Snow Day. how’s it stack up to the original (which is a favorite watch of mine btw)?

first of all, the sister is our narrator, not the brother. we start off with “one year ago...” and the snow day is immediate; we got no character setup for Hal or his friends and love interest, no family setup, nothing. and immediate musical number. this...this is gonna hurt isn’t it?

oh, the “one year ago” was pointless for just an opening song. Natalie (was that her name here? i kinda missed it) is way too over the top; she was believable originally, now she’s...idk, lame Disney Channel? the mom is too...but at least we get family setup now; not great setup, but it’s something. (is that the Fairly Odder mom?)

so...Claire is in a play and not a diver? Hal also seems to have lost his dude friend and only has Lane, who is also a bit too over the top but she’s at least got the same vibes. and Claire’s whale is now a necklace and from her dad instead of boyfriend. and yeah sis is still Nat, and still too sitcom adult in a kid’s body. and i know in the original, Hal and Nat had a good friendship, but why is Nat hanging around him and Lane at school?

we’re getting a Summer Nights type song number for Chuck and Claire? uh...can we say filler? too bad we cut out all the Chevy Chase dad opening setup, we really had no other way to fill the run time...

the Claire and Chuck break up is shown; ok i’ll give that’s a nice addition. however...Chuck was a cartoony jerk in the original, but he’s just...cartoonishly bland? the original would’ve known her dance thing was coming up. also pulling the “how well do you know me” quiz now?

oh we get a “woe is me” music number for Hal instead of him wearing Claire’s whale creepily. i guess that’s an improvement...also i will give that new Hal is a geeky looser looking kid vs original Hal who really wasn’t, so you get some point for that new movie. but no dad checking on Nat about the barometric pressure and the storm coming...idt dad is even the weatherman...idt we even know what he does...why do we even have mom dad and Randy?

we get no real setup for Snowplow man; it hasn’t been an established rivalry just a “hey i’m gonna stop him plowing so i don’t have to take a test”. it’s not something Nat and Hal have been planning for years, it’s a random spontaneous plan. and since we haven’t established Nat’s friends, she looks like she’s doing this on her own since we’ve only seen her hang with Hal and Lane who are going to go do the Claire plot. you really dropped the ball introducing your main antagonist, and featured character on all your promo covers here guys.

ok we now get to establish Eli and Wayne. Eli is not creative (and British?) and Wayne is not Josh Peck. they kept the tv in the snow fort so that surprised me. and now we get family stuff...and dad is working at home...this destroys the mom and Randy stuck at home subplot because the parents can now take shifts; also Randy is clearly older, so he doesn’t need as much of a babysitter you’d think. and he’s just as manipulative as Nat; what is with this family??

awww we cut out the snow angel scene with Hal and Lane, that’s a shame, since that’s a helpful message later on. we also cut out the Claire-stock setup...and Claire forgives Chuck far too easily...yeah this new version is just making it “nerd likes girl with boyfriend” not “looser likes the most popular girl that everyone wants” so...it’s creepy?

geeze we’re like halfway through the movie and at this point, i’m afraid this is so not  good that even Jerry Trainor can’t save it...it might even make him not funny the rewriting here is just that not good so far.

no jelly snownuts??? booooo. i get it, they don’t want imitate able behavior, but c’mon!

oh...oh Jerry...the Siri!Bird is already bad but...you’re singing a song that’s basically “I hate music” and...idk...Jerry i love you man, and you can kinda sing, so i’m gonna blame the writing...and Snowplow Man backstory in the song, wth?? he’s like the Grinch, we don’t need an origin story. also, his snowplow is named Trudy instead of Clementine; minor detail i guess. ok, waiting to throw snowballs at him until he’s stopped rather than causing him to crash into a car; again, don’t want to promote dangerous behavior. however popping his tires is bad...and the snowplow is the Gadgetmobile?? O.o i guess Siri!Bird makes more sense then for that...

oh, oh wow we replace the TV scene with Hal breaking into some tiktok girl’s house to make his Claire declaration. yeah, new Hal is creepy and dare i say simpy?

oh we are replacing Wayne being dead with ketchup, by dressing him up as a grannie and nearly getting hit by the snowplow. that’s still dangerous guys...

oh NOW we get the snow angel scene, ok, you get a point back movie...you’re still really bad though. because now we get Lane taking about ice skating? did she JUST fall in love with him? the musical number seems to imply that; original Lane seemed to be into him the whole time, just saying. it was nice and subtle...and this new one doesn’t know what the word “subtle’ means, so yeah there’s my answer i guess.

we cut back to the family...and a zillion pancakes...you know, in the original the mom and Randy subplot was about mom realizing how disconnected from her family she’d become getting wrapped up in her work. what is the point here? that the parents work too much? we haven’t established that.

Nat and Eli hack the bird to call Snowplowman...ok. it was creepier when he went to Nat’s house and they called him from across the street; but also showed that he knew who they were because they’re local and had a standing rivalry.

Claire’s friends have names?? weird. Chuck is an idiot.

so we replace Iggy Pop running music at the skating rink, Lane distracting him, and Hal taking over the music...with a random high schooler in a food truck, Lane taking it over and tricking Chuck into getting Claire a burger with pickles. what a downgrade. also this whopping crane story sounds like the baby chick story...but instead of it hyping Hal to Claire, it’s a pep talk to Hal; also kind of a downgrade.

why are we back to the parents? “oh i’ve missed you” WHY? you two had 2 seconds of screen time pre-snow day, we established nothing about you two over working or whatever. were you on the brink of a divorce maybe? and now we get the Randy snowball fight? kinda early for that.

the Wayne/Trudy exchange is in the middle of town now? i get eth comedic western showdown, but it out in the middle of nowhere was the dangerous part of it. it made double crossing easier. why are none of the business owners concerned about this display in front of their stores? but ok, using the exchange as an opportunity to sabotage the plow, sure that’s not that bad of an addition, but the rest wasn’t good. he’s also kidnapping all the kids?? O.o oh no Wayne cut the brakes, that’s not good.

so Hal drew Claire to the football field for a speech and the shoveled out whale. how did he invite her if Lane didn’t bring her? also no “But I like Zebras” line! boooooo. also no payoff for the snow angel scene either. Chuck shows up the same, and pulls receipts for Hal being a wiener. yeah, sure, super lame. and Claire tells Hal to meet her elsewhere later instead of him knowing she’d be diving, yeah sure.

back to Speed snowplow edition. there is no original scene to compare this to...unless you count them nearly hitting Chuck as an equivalent to when they took over the truck at the end and plowed him. but i don’t. he truck crashes in a sink hole, so i guess no kids driving the truck to unplow after dark...also no mob justice.

but wow is Lane’s confession lame. she over explains, she’s less annoyed with Hal, it’s just...way less impactful. also no snowmobile chase, but that was expected. the Claire kiss is also less impactful. also don’t buy Claire knowing who Lane is, they had zero interactions. the whole sequence of events were just...no.

and now it’s still daylight at the skating rink, and a couples’ skate. no, this is just, no. original had the deposing of Snowplowman, the reconciliation of Hal and Nat, and Hal finding Lane alone at the rink showing how well he knew her and that neither would  be alone again. this...was just setup for another upbeat musical number. and since this is the ending, i guess that WAS the plow scene for Chuck earlier. very lame. 

“the best is yet to come” huh? you gonna play the original next to apologize for this bland not good movie?

no final narration to sum things up. the plot threads still feel unfinished. this is just all...no.

now before starting this, i’d made guesses at what subplots would get cut. i rightfully guessed the principal one, and that’s fine, HOWEVER, they kinda set up an equivalent with the teacher Nat couldn’t blackmail at the start you know. it’s not just me that saw that right?

overall, this movie is a very poor imitation of the original. it’s not rage inducingly bad, but it’s very bland. they did not use Jerry Trainor to his best, and honestly that would’ve been the only thing to save this. Nick, you gotta stop these live action remakes of things, you’re not doing a good job at them.

i recommend watching the original over this. it’s better paced, better acted, and filled with early 2000s cheese. but it’s fun, and has a complete and engaging story. this one was written based on the original’s synopsis with musical numbers half heartedly thrown in.

[themovieblogonline]

The Community Movie: 9 Guest Stars From The Show That Need to Return

Just like their own Abed Nadir predicted, Community is getting 6 seasons and a movie! The groundbreaking show ran for, wait for it, 6 seasons. And now, we have confirmation that there is a movie in the works. Community was amazing in its time, and featured a lot of career-making roles for its lead cast, along with some amazing guest appearances. So let’s take a look at 9 Community movie guest stars that need to return. Luis Guzman’s Alma Matar Is In The Community Movie Actor Luis Guzman appeared in Episode 8 of Season 3, which featured the making of a commercial for the fictional college of Greendale. The episode saw the Dean (Jim Rash) getting carried away shooting the commercial. As a former fictional graduate, Luis Guzman appeared in the episode as himself to be in the commercial. But the descent into chaos by the Dean causes him to back out. It would be great if Guzman returned, given the school is the major setting for the show. Adam Devine Was Jeff Winger’s Half Brother In Community Before he was a household name from the Pitch Perfect movies or his role in Modern Family, Adam Devine appeared in Community. In the 5th episode of Season 4, Devine played Jeff’s (Joel McHale) half-brother, from his estranged father. Playing a shrieking, neglected son, Devine was pitch-perfect (get it?) In contrast to McHale’s cooler big brother character. As Jeff’s family, and given his prestige in the comedy world since Community, it would be a nice throwback if Devine returned as a Community movie guest star.  Before A Talk Show Host John Oliver Was A Psych Teacher John Oliver played a recurring character on Community, on and off during its six seasons. Oliver’s Ian Duncan was a sometimes alcoholic, other times an indifferent professor at Greendale. Duncan originally started as a former friend of Jeff's, but through the seasons developed a love-hate rivalry with Señor Chang (Ken Jeong). Given Oliver’s success with Last Week Tonight on HBO, his guest appearance would be a nice crossover. Nathan Fillion Was A Custodian At Greendale The Suicide Squad and The Rookie actor appeared in 2 episodes of Community in Seasons 5 & 6. Nathan Fillion played a Custodian, who Annie (Allison Brie) had to bribe during her descent into the corrupt world of community college politics. Fillion is a household name from various movie and TV roles such as Castle, Firefly and so many more. His appearance as a Community movie guest star could only boost the profile of the movie. Before Being An Eternal Kumail Nanjiani Was At Greendale Comedian Kumail Nanjiani got all jacked for his role as a legit Marvel Studios superhero in The Eternals. But before that, he was a Custodian at Greendale Community College. Appearing in the same episode as Fillion, Nanjiani’s breakout was one of the show's more classic episodes. Appearing in Season 6 episode 11, the show’s final paintball episode, Nanjiani played the episode’s antagonist. The now even more famous Oscar-nominated actor appearing in the Community movie would be awesome for longtime fans. LeVar Burton Could Return As Himself In Community Movie One of the best running jokes in Community was how Troy’s (Donald Glover) hero was LeVar Burton. So when Burton actually appears in the show, as himself, Troy is unable to handle it. He freaks out to the point of not even being able to interact with Burton. It’s hilarious and wonderfully unexpected. Burton was even present during Glover’s last episode. While we’re not entirely sure if Glover himself will return for the movie, having both of them come back together would be an incredible feat. Giancarlo Esposito Brought Some Much-Needed Weight To Community The acclaimed and supremely talented actor, Giancarlo Esposito also appeared in Community. A shock, I know. But the Emmy-nominated film and TV actor showed up as Pearce’s (Chevy Chase) half-brother and appeared in 2 episodes in Seasons 3 and 4. Each appearance was in a particularly special episode. Esposito first appeared in an episode where the entire Study Group went into a pixelated 90’s video game. The second was a Halloween episode, where he made amends with Pearce. Given that Chase himself may not be returning for the Community movie, it’s unlikely that Esposito will return. But if the movie could get The Mandalorian and Breaking Bad actor to return, it would almost be a coup. Jack Black’s Gotta Come Back To Kick It! One of the special guest appearances in Community was when Jack Black showed up. As a needy and clingy student wanting to join their Study Group, Black was absolutely amazing. He was quite possibly the most memorable guest star in the show. During his appearance in Season 1 Episode 13, Black freaks out accidentally kicks Jeff in the face, and is responsible for some insanely hilarious moments, early in the show’s run. Knowing Jack Black’s penchant for comedy and silly guest spots, I wouldn’t be surprised if he decides to appear in the Community movie. Oscar Winner & Marvel Superhero Brie Larson! The absolute biggest guest appearance has to be from Oscar winner Brie Larson. Captain Marvel herself appeared in 3 episodes of Community as Abed’s love interest. While not ha-ha funny, Larson was incredibly cute, and her chemistry with Pudi was unmatched. I’m hoping that Larson remembers her small-time TV roots, and decides to return as a guest star in the Community movie. Honourable Mentions Who Could Be Community Movie Guest Stars There has a hoard of other Community movie guest stars that could appear, given their roles in the show. Everyone from Malcolm McDowell, Hillary Duff, and Patton Oswalt to Andy Dick, Jo Lo Truglio, Randal Park, Matt Berry and so many others have appeared in Community. But none more important than Joe and Anthony Russo. The famous directors of the Captain America and Avengers movies got their start with Community. With Joe directing 21 episodes and Anthony 14, the Russo brothers have directed the most episodes of Community. While it might seem far-fetched for the MCU directors to return for a Community movie, it’s possible. Especially since no director is set for the movie as of yet. No word on when the Community movie will premiere. Which Community movie guest start do you want to appear? Let us know in the comments below. Read the full article

[anthonybialy]

First Amended

Shut up. It'll save you the embarrassment of uttering a distastefully regressive remark your wholly objective executive overlords would deem hateful. Don't you prefer self-regulation to legal force? The White House uses their free speech rights to bitch about plebes having theirs. Hostility to talking is a particularly nice touch from emblematic failures who deserve every word of criticism.

Orwell was an amateur. Targeting talking illustrates Joe Biden's thorough commitment to thorough power. The Disinformation Governance Board only sounds like I made it up. Thankfully, the chilling euphemistic agency had a Chevy Chase Show-length life because citizens ironically used their pesky freedom of speech to notice this putzing White House tried going full autocrat on you noticing they suck hard.

Accountability is the worst if you became a federal employee precisely to avoid it. Biden minions loathe the free market because responses are allowed. As perfect arbiters of truth and ideal distributors of resources, you have some nerve noticing their schemes are going as smoothly as those of Jimmy McGill. Dang feedback undermined the pursuit of truth as declared by the diktats of inept oafs who think inflation is caused by corporate greed.

Checking federal power is precisely why they hate it. The Biden White House shows the precise dangers of pompous twits thinking whatever authority they've regrettably been handed is a good start. The incumbent wants to run everything even though he clearly should be in charge of nothing.

The speech-shuttering cabal didn't even prompt regret once everyone verbalized their outrage. It's not because those who think the presidency is the only branch that matters realized the government isn't there to limit words but because they got caught. The most childish bullies with the most power loathe how we use the right to talk to say they should be the last ones allowed to make us pipe down.

A White House that has nothing but messaging even sucks at that. Consistency males life easier. What else would they blame but disinformation? Damnable liars deeming what truth is at least offers amusement, as does engaging in the precise sort of distortions and semantics they claim to fight. Thank them for the example.

Government has decided one entity should be in charge of proclaiming what constitutes facts. The sheen of authority makes federal flunkies accurate every time they yap. This impossibly cloddish White House is undoubtedly correct about everything. A president cracking down on free speech under the guise of battling disinformation should probably strive not to get every last freaking thing wrong.

Please report for your struggle session. Your unmutual contempt for obvious progress keeps the whole from reaching bliss. Let your supervisors have their fantasy. This White House's dim stooges already dream of a streamlined government that gloriously allows the benevolent leader to order collective utopia into being. Curtailing your option to curtail their obviously incredible scheming is the logical continuation. Being caught in violation doesn't apply to claiming Hunter Biden behaves.

The First Amendment's first word is “Congress”, which the White House interprets to mean that they're allowed to cover your mouth with duct tape. The executive imposes what legislators only wish they could. Checks and balances are a crucial part of our system. And you thought Biden didn't respect the Constitution.

A president who tries fighting poverty by starting off deciding that we're all rich has it exactly backward as usual. The Bill of Rights opener is not just our most cherished principle because letting people talk is legal: it's legal because it's a basic right. Wait until wannabe fascists learn owning guns follows the same reasoning.

Fearing open opinion markets has been spurred by their contempt for one particular tycoon. Potential Twitter baron Elon Musk is depraved enough to dream of enabling people with less money to speak as they wish. Contemporary titans aren't a problem as long as they apologize for selling products customers want with genuflecting wokeness.

Very democratic Democrats are horrified by the idea of people having their say. Humans acting as their own editors bypasses completely fair party operatives placed as journalists. Placing narratives makes it tough to cover facts. It's no wonder they're inept.

Sorting out what's worthwhile is our job. This particularly pushy administration doesn't trust free markets in any case, including when it comes to free speech. Label anyone more conservative than Honecker hateful for ease of labeling.

“Hate speech” means anything liberals disagree with. Noting how inflation has made gasoline even more unobtainable embodies subversiveness. Fuel prices spiked as soon as Biden got behind the wheel, and noticing patterns is malicious. Be honest like when he blames Bond villain Vladimir Putin as this regrettable administration's own putzing policies inflict misery on Americans.

It'd be bad enough if some Vox twit declared politicians should declare rights aren't absolute before deciding just how much should be trimmed. These people are in charge of the executive branch. The incumbent is as close to a marionette as possible, but his flunkies assure us he dreamed of lazy tyranny back when he was a semi-coherent plagiarizing statist.

Your kind and wise supervisors will totally wield power thoughtfully fairly, so there's no need to freak out. Clamping down on yapping reflects the same way they see the rest of their precious invasive government. The only thing worse than lusting after control is how much they suck at it. The only thing worse than that is the lack of foresight involved in thinking they'll reign indefinitely.

Failing to think of tomorrow's consequences doesn't only apply to printing excessive money today. I hope Ron DeSantis wins so he can be in charge of the Federal Truth Squad. Like free money, this White House attaches endless conditions to free speech.