#we haven't brought her to the vet...

[love-that-we-were-in]

lighting the fuse might result in a bang

pairing: frat!luke castellan x reader summary: Silena thinks you need to start blowing off some steam. You think you just need a fresh victory and Luke Castellan is the perfect opponent. word count: 5.3k warnings: smoking, drinking, usual college party stuff.

author's note: brought to you by my personal deep dark history with boys in hats. also i haven't gotten drunk in like 4/5 years so i don't remember what it's like so this was interesting. also i don't know anything about frats OR smoking. have the most fun <3

When Silena mentions a party you could go to, you jump at the offer, brain fuzzing at the edges where you’ve been locked in on flashcards all afternoon. It’s something you’ve started to navigate better this year, remembering to have fun after a year of non-stop focus. Silena makes it easier - a social butterfly with no qualms about dragging you out of the library when she thinks you’re pushing yourself too hard - and there’s no harm in listening to her without protest sometimes. 

“Do you even know who’s throwing this one?” You ask as she’s leading you through campus, rubbing at your arms to fight the fall chill. “I do not want a repeat of March.” 

“Have some faith in me. I’ve started vetting my sources.” 

Both of you shiver, the memory of a night spent outside the Stolls’ cramped dorm still haunting you six months later. You’re not overly familiar with this side of campus, turning away from the usual halls and towards the sorority housing, but Silena walks the path with ease, arm looped through yours.

The walk seems to have cleared your head, the music as you approach shaking off the last of the static. You’ve been here before, borrowing notes from a teammate, but it’s different like this, all pumping bass and cheers from the kitchen. Clarisse waves at you from across the room, beer in hand, and you mutter to Silena that you’re going to grab a drink. She nods, making a beeline for Drew Tanaka. You assume that’s who the invitation came from originally.

There’s a different energy to the kitchen, not quieter by any means but less noisy. Less concentrated, maybe, with twenty different conversations happening at once and nothing you have to pay attention to. Most people you don’t recognise, a group from your first year stats class huddled together near the sink, and the Stolls off to the side pointing at every new person they see. 

Mixing your drink is an easy fix, the kitchen island covered in more choices than you’ve seen in a while, and you savor the first few sips. Between class and swimming, you’ve barely drank since the semester began and the burn of vodka isn’t as numbed as you wish it was. Still, a drink is a drink so you refill it before returning to the thick of the party. 

Clarisse takes it upon herself to drag you away from the conversation you end up trapped in with Lee Fletcher, quite literally taking hold of your elbow. You mutter an apology, however disingenuous, rolling your eyes in mock exasperation as he smiles grimly. 

“I have no idea how you talk to that lot,” she says when you’re far enough away. “They’re all boring.” 

“Lee’s great. He always lends me notes from the lectures I miss.”

She laughs, pushing you into another room. “He’s trying to swindle a date out of you and you’re using him for lecture notes.” 

You shrug. There’s nothing wrong with Lee, except that Clarisse is a little right when she says most of your classmates are boring. It’s probably not intentional, and they definitely don’t realize it, but there’s this way they carry themselves around campus - half-nervous and half-haughty. It’s not a great combination and it’s why you gravitate towards the people Silena meets. 

“We were wondering when we were going to see you next,” Chris says as he throws an arm over Clarisse’s shoulder. You still don’t quite know the story there, how Chris Rodriguez managed to sweet talk your stoic teammate. One day, you’ll find out - a drunken vow you made with Silena on your dorm room floor when Clarisse mentioned a boyfriend - but you’re content to let them enjoy their romance in peace for now. “Almost thought you’d succumbed to the dark side.”

“You’re not getting rid of me yet.”

“And thank god,” he knocks his cup against yours before gesturing to the far corner of the room. “Because we need someone to kick Castellan’s ass at beer pong.” 

“Whose?”

Turns out, Luke Castellan is the newest brother to ksig. There’s not much to know about Chris’ fraternity in your eyes, just the basics of all frats, and you know from last year that there’s always bound to be a hotshot that needs someone to pump the brakes on their ego. Usually, they’re on the younger side, with more money than sense and they don’t expect anything from your approach. Luke Castellan isn’t quite that, but he’s not far from it either.

While Chris talks to the boy who was about to play, you take the opportunity to size up your opponent. It comes naturally, a part of constantly competing, and it comes in handy in moments like this, when the element of surprise is a key factor to the situation going ahead. 

Fitted jeans, branded polo and a stupid snapback cap worn backwards to show how cool he is. Nothing you haven’t seen before, really, except there’s this focused glint in his eyes with each plastic ball he throws like he has to prove his worth here. It’s a simple practice, unnecessary for a silly party game, but there’s this serious set to strong shoulders that you’re curious about.

The same way you want to know about Clarisse’s relationship, you want to know what makes Luke Castellan, whoever he is, tick. 

“Are you trying to get alcohol poisoning, Rodriguez?” 

“I’m not playing you, Luke,” Chris says and you watch closely as the other boy tilts his head slightly to the left. “I just had to go and get the current undefeated champion on campus.”

There’s this moment that happens every time you play - those awkward seconds where everyone looks completely past you to anyone else, anyone more noticeable. You count on it, occasionally, so it takes you a moment to process the way Luke’s gaze slides to you, drinks you in before he nods towards the other end of the table. 

Chris mutters a quiet “you got this,” as you brush past him, handing him your drink. You’re not delusional enough to think you can get away with mixing your drinks this early in the game. 

It takes two of Luke’s shots for you to land your first, his last hour of playing an advantage you accounted for. He’s not getting sloppy, not in the slightest, but he’s at the point where he’s a little worse for wear - a tired arm and hazy mind - and you take the chance you have at a false sense of security, taking your losses on the chin before playing the game to win. 

Within seven shots between you, you can see Luke start to get restless. How he reevaluates the table in front of him, his three empty cups to your four. Part of you really wants to knock that hat off his head, as if it’ll give you more of an insight into his mind. Instead, you wait for what you know is coming, a slight miscalculation that has the plastic ball rolling off the table to land at someone’s feet. 

Chris hands you a fresh one and you take in the way Luke swallows, jaw clenching as you line up your next shot. Whether he knows it or not, you’ve just been handed your win.

Clarisse cheers, handing you one of the cups from in front of you as everyone yells. You both chug what’s left of them, the bitter taste of cheap beer drowned out by victory, and as soon as that’s done, she throws herself back into Chris’ arms. Laughing, you turn around to find another drink, only to be met by Luke standing beside you.

“Are you about to be a sore loser?” 

He chuckles and it’s different like this. His eyes are brown, which you didn’t know five minutes ago, and his hair is dark from the little wisps of it you can see peeking out underneath his hat. You consider telling him that the hat makes him look lame, but then he’s leaning down to whisper anyway. “I expect a rematch.” 

It’s quiet and heavy and you wonder if anyone can tell that your blood feels like it’s on fire. It’s nothing, really, and it takes more effort than you want to respond. 

“Then expect to lose.”

The only saving grace to the exchange is that Luke looks a whole lot more affected by it, a blush crawling up his neck as you take the drink nearest to you and leave to find your roommate once more. 

*

Losing never used to get to you. Not like this, at least, where everything sort of feels like a precipice and you’re waiting for the next loss to fall on your shoulders alone. It was meant to be an easy game, a warm-up, for when the season started in earnest and you couldn’t afford to be incohesive. There’s always a learning curve, new starters and new competition, but in no world should it have caused this. 

Silena tells you to let it go, throwing yet another outfit on her bed as she gets ready. When you saw her at lunch, Clarisse told you to just push harder during practice. Sometimes you’re not even sure how you can be friends with both of them, how they can be friends with each other either. Unfortunately, it becomes very clear when Clarisse knocks on the door that night. 

“Why aren’t you ready?” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

She tuts at you, digging through the pile of clothing on Silena’s bed before throwing a dress at you. “Get dressed.” 

“You can’t make me,” you protest, the black fabric scrunching in your fist. You’ve borrowed it before, for a party last year you don’t remember very well, and you don’t even want to consider why it’s the one Clarisse selected. You turn to your roommate, looking for backup, only to find her with a pair of your shoes in her hands. “Are you seriously going to make me?” 

In unison, they raise a singular eyebrow each and it’s unsettling enough that you let go of all will to fight them. Today may as well just be full of losses that you can mourn tomorrow.

It’s only when you arrive at the party that you realize you have no idea who’s throwing it. Or who’s going to be there. Distantly, you really hope it’s a stranger Silena met on her way around campus - full of people you’ve ever met and will never see again. You could find someone nice enough to blow off some steam with before going on your merry way. 

When Clarisse yells at her boyfriend, you let out a huff as both he and Luke Castellan turn around. 

Since your first meeting, you’ve learned a few more things about Luke. He’s from Connecticut. He was responsible for half of Drew’s sorority coming down with the flu during freshers week. He’s in pre-med. He’s the reason Professor Chase introduced a ban on energy drinks in his lectures (one hundred students simultaneously opening a can of Redbull each was, apparently, mildly disconcerting). Most importantly, he’s always wearing that stupid cap. 

You try to equate the things you know with the Luke standing in front of you. Some of it makes perfect sense - Professor Chase and Connecticut - and some of it unsettles you, but it’s all true. Freshers and pre-med and track meets. Focusing on the distracted way he taps on his beer bottle instead of Clarisse greeting Chris, you kind of want to find out a whole lot more. 

“Fancy a rematch?” 

It’s the first thing he’s said to you all night, twisting the cap off a fresh beer before handing it to you. Then doing the same with his own. You pretend not to notice the movement of it, the few short seconds where you can get away with staring at the shine of silver rings in low light. Taking a sip, you crinkle your nose. 

“I’m not really in the mood,” you mutter and, at the very least, the beer is cold and you chug half of it before you even notice you’ve done it. “Don’t you have someone else you can bother?” 

There’s seconds before you notice it, how his eyes shift from slightly curious to intense. They don’t change much but standing in front of him, you can tell when they go from relaxed to focused. How his back straightens and shoulders roll back just so. You should go and find something stronger to drink. Maybe even see if Lee Fletcher is nearby.

You stay put.

“It’s just a bit of friendly competition,” Luke shrugs, unknowing of how it echoes in your skull. How that’s all today was ever meant to be. Leave it to him to dig the knife in again just as the tightness in your chest was starting to ease. “But I guess you just can’t handle it.” 

“I’d kick your ass in a rematch. I’m doing you a favor.” 

It’s obviously the wrong thing to say, Luke’s eyes brightening as the words push past your lips. The beer you drank way too fast is forming words before you even know what they are.

“You can always choose something else for me to beat you in,” he says, like it’s an offer, something gracious that you should be grateful for. “I’m easy.” 

“How many beers have you had?” 

“Three, I think?” 

Silena would tell you it’s a stupid idea - you have a coaching session at 9am and you haven’t gotten drunk since the party where you met Luke - and she would be right. But you need a win tonight, something guaranteed, and there’s this itch that crawls under your skin the longer you stare at the boy in front of you. 

So you say it anyway. 

“I bet I could outdrink you.” 

“I’d like to see you try.”

He waits as you down two more beers in quick succession, nursing his own as you do. A clink of your bottles against one another, followed by the final sip you each take and it’s finally a competition. 

The night continues, you and Luke almost joined at the hip. It’s to keep track, you tell yourself, talking to a kid that might be in your organic chem class. If the kid looks at you weird for pouring two drinks, only to hand one to Luke in silence, that’s probably just the alcohol misreading things. Only once, when you’re deep in conversation with Lee does Luke pass you a beer, eyebrow raised when Lee gives him a glare. You think that might’ve been drink eight. 

By the time Chris finds you both again, you’ve thrown yourselves onto the couch on the outskirts of the room. Someone’s abandoned coat is thrown over your legs in a mediocre attempt to preserve some dignity in the dress you’re wearing and Luke’s hat has twisted to the side. You’re sure neither of you has drunk a sip in ten minutes.

“You guys doing okay?” 

“We’re drunk,” you say and you can’t tell if it’s a whisper or a shout. “I’m winning.” 

“You’re not winning,” Luke turns his head to glare and you blame the alcohol on the attention you pay to the slope of his nose. “Neither of us have finished these drinks.” 

“Are you going to?” 

He glances down at the cup in his hand, half empty. You can see it, the hesitation, before he places it on the floor by his feet, shaking his head. “Are you?” 

The nice thing to do would be to give up, call it a draw and appreciate that you managed to have fun despite the bad day that had preceded it. However, you like to win. So you grit your teeth before drinking the final three sips, tilting the empty cup towards him so he can see the proof. It takes you a second to remember you have to actually swallow in order to drink, but you do and Luke scrunches his nose. You kind of want to kiss it as a way to smooth the skin back out.

“That’s two wins to me, Castellan.” 

Chris shakes his head at you both. “I’m not calling either of you to make sure you’re alive in the morning.” 

*

It’s an almost unconscious action when you walk into Drew’s sorority house, how you wave Silena off in favor of scanning the crowd, searching for the one reason you agreed to show up in the first place. It takes a moment, pinks and blues and silvers all merging together in your eyeline until you spot him near the staircase, familiar black cap resting on his head. 

You’re already a little buzzed, the thrill of your final project this semester finally being handed in just hours ago, and it’s why you let yourself actually look at Luke for once. 

By this point, you’ve seen him in a polo and a flannel, always with jeans. Laidback. That’s what party Luke was. Tonight, though, it’s like he’s trying harder - baggy pants, like they’re resting a little too low on his hips, a white t-shirt, white trainers that you know are going to stain before the night ends and a slightly oversized leather jacket that doesn’t quite go with the hat you used to identify him. Maybe it’s something he does on purpose, ruining a good thing over comforting familiarity. Maybe you’ll ask him.

Luke looks up then, as if he has a sixth sense, and you kind of don’t know what to do with the slight wave he sends in your direction. You wouldn’t call him a friend, that’s for sure, but you nod in response before weaving through your classmates to the kitchen.

It takes two vodka cranberries for Silena to find you. And it takes four shots with people you’ve never met for Chris to ask if you’ve seen Luke anywhere. You tell him where you last saw him, maybe an hour ago, and he shakes his head like he’s already checked the entire house.

“Do you think you can let him know I’m heading out?” Chris asks, one arm looped around Clarisse’s waist, more for support than anything else. She was already unsteady when you arrived and you know by the flush in her cheeks that it’ll only take a couple more drinks for her to start throwing up. You nod at Chris, cradling your drink to your chest, and he mumbles a thanks while steering his girlfriend towards the door.

With both of them gone, it leaves you with little to do except go hunting for Luke. So that’s what you do, waving Lee off as he attempts to grab your attention from the couch. 

Focusing is a lot harder now, squinting over everyone’s heads in search of that damn hat. Nothing. You know he’s not in the kitchen, that’s definite, and you learn that he’s not in the garden either, Katie from your anatomy class staring at you bewildered as you explain your quest. 

There’s only one place left to check for Luke and you consider if it’ll be a worthwhile risk. It’s entirely possible that he’s already left, whoever he was locked in conversation with earlier with him maybe, and you’re searching an entire sorority house on the off-chance he’s still in the building. 

But you promised Chris. More than that, you refuse to let Luke Castellan beat you.

So you commit to the staircase, pushing past the line for the restroom upstairs. It’s quieter up here, not by much, but you can hear yourself think clearer. There’s three doors on your left, all closed, and you drain the remnants of your drink so it warms your blood and erases the small part of your brain still protesting. 

There’s two yells when you knock on the first door, both hurried and pitching higher as the words fade so you move on quickly. No one answers to the second door, so you crack it open enough to see inside. It’s dark and neat and completely untouched by whatever is happening below, so you let it click shut again. 

Luke is in the third room, you learn, pressing it open when there’s no response to your knock. The room itself is still orderly, but you find the boy you’ve been searching for sitting on the floor at the base of the bed, hat turned to the side and the sleeves of his jacket bunching carelessly where they’ve been pushed higher on his forearms. 

“Chris wanted me to tell you he took Clarisse home,” you blurt when it feels like you need to say something. “He couldn’t find you so…”

Luke waits. When it becomes clear that’s all you’re here for, he says, “Well, thanks for letting me know.” 

You’ve done your job. You can go back and enjoy the party downstairs, maybe make use of the empty room next door instead of remaining awkwardly in the doorway. 

You think about how Chris mentioned that Luke can recite pi to seventeen places while drunk. How you’re still beating him by two points. How there’s an ashtray on the floor beside Luke’s knee and it’s sort of considerate of him to use one when no one else would.

“Mind if I join you?” 

Being in an empty bedroom with a guy at a party isn’t unusual. You’ve had your fair share of them, rushed and quiet and mostly on a bed. Sitting on the floor with Luke is different, you find, a gravity to it than you can’t quite wrap your head around after so many drinks. It’s slow and languid and you don’t really say much of anything as your knee bumps against his thigh in an effort to get comfortable in the space.

No one told you Luke smokes. 

You tell him as much.

“It’s a bad habit,” he shakes his head, twisting a cigarette between his fingers and you both act like you’re not paying rapt attention to it. “I try to avoid making it one.” 

“I used to. Back in high school. Gave it up when I got accepted here.” 

He turns to face you then, head tilted so the visor of his slanted hat brushes his shoulder. “I would never have guessed you were a smoker.” 

It’s not said with judgment, just as an observation from the limited interactions you’ve had since the semester began. The focus in Luke’s gaze crawls up your spine and mingles with the alcohol you’ve yet to flush from your system. 

“You ever blown a smoke ring?” 

If you’re not challenging him, you don’t quite know what to make of Luke. It’s the thing you know most about him, the way his face shifts from victory into loss. The way it matches yours, stretches from his eyes to his jaw and into clenched hands. If you’re not challenging him, you can’t read him - you want to be able to read him in the low light of right now. 

“I bet I’m better at it than you,” you say after he answers. A short laugh escapes him, almost a huff, and it raises the skin on your arms when it meets the top of your ear. “Wanna see?” 

“I’ve only got one.” He waves the cigarette he’s been holding in front of your eyes. 

“We can share.” 

It’s a bad, terrible, absolutely stupid idea. 

“You’re on, Castellan.” 

As he lights the end of it, you wonder if he knows what the brief flame does for his cheekbones, for his jawline. Paints them in small, defined shadows that you might still see if you close your eyes. You almost want to mention it to him. You settle for watching his lips settle around it, the sinking of his cheeks on the inhale and the noise as he exhales. There’s an almost complete ring of smoke in the air.

Luke hands you the cigarette and you repeat his motions, a little quicker. A little smoother. The ring that leaves your lips is full, but less circular. 

Both of you pretend not to notice the other one staring.

You agree to best of three. You agree and you win by the tiniest margin and you hand Luke the little that remains as a consolation prize. He indulges in the last few drags and you watch him do it, looking nothing like the pre-med student you know he is. You think he could be dangerous like this, based on the way your stomach twists as he puts the cigarette out, how his head tilts back and the final wisps of smoke escape his mouth.

You aren’t as drunk anymore. 

You really wish you were.

It takes Luke a second to notice that you’ve moved at all, eyes still closed but he does, and the run of his gaze across your face is enough for you to seize the last of the alcohol in your bloodstream, pushing forward so you’re actually face to face with him, knees digging into the rough carpet beneath you. 

“Can I help you?” It’s low and a little ragged and this is the first time you’ve really noticed the thin, pale scar that stretches down the skin of his right cheek. It’s actually a little insane how pretty he is up close. 

“I think I want a little more than the glory of winning this time,” and half of your whisper is lost to Luke Castellan’s lips but it’s not that important anyway.

What is important is the warmth of his hand through your shirt, pressed into the skin that exposes itself as you shift even closer. It’s the slightly rough texture of his jaw underneath your palm, the way his breath hitches in tandem with yours and you both push through it anyway. It’s the unexpected catch of your finger on his cap and the way you give up on it entirely, finally snatching it off his head so it lands somewhere nearby. 

You’re not sure what you expected Luke’s hair to look like. Horrible, probably, with odd patches that lie weirdly flat and should be covered from view. It’s not this, wild dark curls that deserve to be seen. 

“You have curly hair?” You say it before you can think not to, so caught up in the discovery you’ve just made, and Luke squints at you, unsure. “I can’t believe you have curly hair.” 

He’s preparing a smart-ass comment, you know it by the way his teeth dig into his bottom lip, and that’s really just not going to work this time - not when he’s been lying for months behind a hat. So you do what any sane person would, twist your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck and trail your lips across his jaw like you’ll die if you don’t.

His hand hooks underneath your thigh and, when you bracket his waist between your legs, cool leather brushing against your knees, you think this might be the best victory you’ve experienced yet.

*

Silena knows something is up when you refuse to speak to her about the party. There’s few secrets you’ve kept from each other since meeting, and even less since Clarisse got involved. It’s pointless to try, mostly, since they all spill out of you when the lights go out and you’re left with each other's company. You almost forgot how annoying she could be when she’s pushing for information.

“Don’t think I’m going to tell you either,” you say when Clarisse joins you in the library a week after the party. “I am a fortress of secrets.” 

“I know you hooked up with Luke.” 

“Seriously?” 

She rolls her eyes, passing you the book you’d asked her for during practice last night. “Calm down. Chris told me. I’m down ten bucks now.” 

“You bet on it?”

“Of course we did, it’s our brand.” 

“I’m not telling Silena,” you whisper again, frowning at your notes. You wonder if Clarisse is aware you haven’t actually spoken to Luke since that night. “She’ll make it a big deal for nothing.” 

“I won’t tell but you should probably figure out what happens next. There’s a party at ksig tomorrow night before everyone goes home for the holidays.” You tap your pen against the textbook. Clarisse pushes a slip of paper towards you. Someone’s phone buzzes to your left. “Think about it.”

When she’s long gone, you grab the paper she left from the table. It’s wrinkled and you smooth it as best you can beneath your fingertips. Blue ink, messily scrawled, and you commit it to memory. Closing your textbook, you leave it pressed between chapters seven and eight. 

The party is loud, louder than you’re prepared for after flaking out on so many since your first one last year. Silena brushes past you once you arrive, shoving your shoulder just enough that it twinges and you frown. You didn’t speak a word on the way here and the silent treatment is starting to drive a little crazy. 

It feels silly now, in a place so crowded, and you breathe deeply. Someone points you in the direction of the kitchen after multiple attempts at asking and you miss the light chaos of throwing up outside the Stolls’ dorm with your best friend. 

You grab a beer, using the table edge to pop the cap off, and it helps to ease the tightness in your chest at how unfamiliar this all is. You’re not sure you could even find the restroom, let alone a singular person.

Pushing back into the bulk of the party, you vow to leave if you don’t find him before you finish your beer. There’s a project you have to start looking into for next semester that could be a good use of time tonight. 

If anyone tried to convince you that most of campus was here, you’d be willing to believe them. A drink raised in Lee’s direction, a nod to Ethan from last years’ stats class, a half-hearted smile at Rachel, who raises an eyebrow at you like she knows something no one else does. 

And maybe she does, because you turn away from her to find Luke just feet away, gesturing animatedly to the guy next to him. There’s a beer in his hand and a hat on his head and his phone number so deeply etched in your mind since last night that you hardly think about it until you’re standing next to him again, drink placed on a table somewhere along the way.

“Hi,” he smiles and his scar shifts with it. He turns to the guy from before. “We’ll catch up later, man.”

“Have I ever told you that I hate that fucking hat?” 

“I sort of got that when you threw it across the room.” His lips wrap around the rim of his bottle and you think you can be normal about it, go back to the way things were, until he smirks just slightly and you know you can’t. 

“You’re such a sore loser, Castellan,” you mutter as you push yourself up to snatch it from his head. He doesn’t comment, lets your fingers brush through his curls until they’re a complete mess instead of compacted. He glances down at the cap in your hand and mutters, “And what is your genius plan for my hat?”

It’s a really fucking good question. Short of getting it off his head, you didn’t know what you were going to do. It’s one thing to throw it across an empty room in the dark, another thing entirely to abandon it to a frat party. So you choose the next best thing - placing it on your own head and daring him to question it. 

“I guess that can work,” Luke says and it sounds like a promise soaked in laughter. 

Neither of you find it as funny when he has to tip the visor upwards to kiss you.

[ask-a-vetblr]

Hi there. I happened upon this public service announcement on YouTube and it’s making me feel a lot of things. On the one hand, I am a firm believer in being honest with (your) children about serious topics, as well as not cheaping out when it comes to vet care just because you don’t feel like paying for proper care. On the other hand, as you may or may not know, I recently lost a cat to flea anemia. Blue was the light of my life, and the vet told us that a blood transfusion could have helped her but that it would be $2,000, and I felt terrible that I couldn’t do it. But what do you think? Are they even talking about situations like mine?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hKD1E4uNqw

hello, Sueanoi here,

firstly, I am sorry for your loss.

Regarding the video, Who do you think that video was supposed to aim at? Who is their target audience?

Clients? Are they saying they shouldn't be stingy and pay up? ...or veterinarians? Are they trying to tell us to charge less? Is it to guilt trip us? Or who? Who are they trying to guilt trip?

While the country where I live, blood transfusion for cat is not that expensive, but it is still the most expensive procedure that we have in the price list. It is not by our decision. The cost of blood transfusion for cats come from :

1. donor cat , if not brought in by client, in-house donor cats / blood bank donor cats need their cost of care

2. blood typing for both donor and recipient cat , if not match, repeat until a matching donor cat is found.

3. blood cross match test. if they are not compatible, repeat 2-3. until one is found.

3. complete blood count for both cats, plus blood chemistry as needed (usually as complete as possible)

4. the donor cat will be anesthetized to collect blood. So that has a cost almost as a small surgery

5. blood bag, blood thinning solution, blood transfusion iv set, iv catheter, infusion pump, etc

6. anti allergic drug to prevent anaphylaxis (that happens sometimes)

7. post transfusion complete blood count.

8. blood medicine for the donor.

... And this is why it is so costly. I don't want to make it a pay-walled procedure that discourage clients either, but it truly IS a costly procedure. I haven't counted my salary yet and that's already through the roof.

I have worked at both settings where we have in-house donor cats, and where we don't, and we just buy from a feline blood bank. With in-house available, the cost goes down a bit. but we actually under-charge the cost of in-house cats care just to make it more affordable to our clients over there, and yet it is still considered very expensive.

I don't know what to do. I already undercharge and it's still too much to some.

I get called names. You know, unsavory names.

...but blood is not free. not even when it's "donated".

My work and time and stress to keep patients alive long enough and to make sure they do not get mismatched blood shouldn't be free either. nor does my assistants' work and time.

Many anemia causes can be prevented like infection/infestation, many can be treated with medication if caught early. Some others, they just couldn't be prevented. Some are just ... the decline of a body as it age (CKD induced anemia, treated with EPO, but EPO is kinda expensive too) , and some are just a sudden accident. Traumatic blood loss. Blood transfusion is still the most effective rescue procedure while we try to find and get rid of the root cause, if possible. It is unfortunate that we can't give our own blood to our animals, right? I have heard many clients expressed this feeling. They'd gladly pay with their blood if it will save their pets. ... but we can't. I'm sure you feel similar to this. I share the same feeling.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. but you are not alone. This happens a lot. Not that I think it is a good thing the way it is. I wish it's cheaper so I can save more lives too.

To other readers (and to you, if you have more pets in your housing), parasite prevention is a very important regular care that I highly encourage. It is affordable and highly safe when it's done properly (as in, don't overdose it). Unless a vet say don't do it (ex: animal too sick for them), please, please use parasite prevention. And vaccinate them too. Flea drop and annual vaccine is so much cheaper than ... the consequences of foregoing. I do not enjoy charging blood money.

When talking finance at work, I do understand that a decision to not pay doesn't mean any less love. I feel the heartbreak on their faces. But my clients cannot go into bankrupting debt for this, for a procedure that in the end might not even save the animal, if the root cause isn't found. So that price wasn't the end of it. It's just to buy time. I do not find them bad people. Please do not feel like you are at fault for deciding that way.

So yes, to answer your question, I think they are talking about situation like yours, but the target of guilt wasn't you. It's me. The vets.

and it's ... sadly more a common mindset than you think.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 84 (Checking In On the Clinic - and Another Baby Boom??)

cw: it's not a Conther baby I'll just say that right now. Sorry!

On top of her responsibilities to her family, Heather worked hard to keep Buttercup Pet Clinic's great reputation, but life at work was rarely easy.

She'd recently noticed a dip in her ratings and was tech-savvy enough to realize she'd been targeted. She traced the IPs to an address connected to George Brindleton's old company and gave the evidence to Conrad.

"He's trying to hurt my business because he's still sore over losing his, but as long as he's not going after the kids, I can take whatever he wants to throw at me. My clients know how good we are."

Conrad remembered his threat to sniff around Brindleton & Sons old financial files, but with this evidence he had cause for something better. "We're filing a restraining order," he insisted. "For you and the kids, because next time he might try to do more than hire a bot farm to drag your reviews down. But if I have to stay away from him, too, I can't look into his finances, if it comes to it."

"Is a restraining order really necessary? What if it makes him more upset? I'll always let you know if I hear from him again, but I'd love to just forget we ever met him."

Conrad nodded apologetically. "It's necessary. He just needed to do something stupid like this before I could file for one. Just keep focused on your clinic. I've got my eye on George Brindleton."

Heather tried to increase the value of her clinic's furnishings, but she lacked a real aesthetic eye and now she also had marketing expenses. With every passing day she worked hard, and though sometimes it never seemed enough, George Brindleton wouldn't break her.

One cold winter morning, Kaori Hayashi, Heather's best vet tech, tended to local blacksmith Abby Harms' Australian Shepherd, Jax. As Heather finished with another patient, Spencer Pancakes surprised her old friend when she brought her dog, JJ, to the clinic.

It wasn't that she'd brought her pet, as she had so many times before, but Spencer sported a sizable baby bump, too.

"Spencer! I can't believe it! I thought the doctors said-"

"They were wrong!" (Mod conflicts! Sorta wrecks the surrogacy storyline but also whatever.) "Needless to say, we didn't expect it. We kept it to ourselves until Dr. Scott said we were healthy. We wanted to tell you!"

"Are you feeling okay about it? I know you didn't want a big family."

Spencer sighed. "Everett's thrilled. I had to move another work trip to Selvadorada, but I'm making the best of it. I took my mom's advice and started painting, and it's nice that Lydia and I are pregnant at the same time. Since it's her first and I need all the help I can get, we're kind of in it together. The pregnancy really does feel like a miracle, and Everett's an incredible father."

"Your boys have a great mom, too." Spencer offered a pitiful smile, and Heather remembered her last visit with Spencer's father-in-law. "Bob came in with one of his cats back in the fall and he mentioned he was worried about you. I kept meaning to call and plan a trip like he suggested, but life's been so busy, and...I didn't want to believe what he was saying, I guess. It didn't feel like any of my business."

(Quick for new readers, Heather doesn't want to intrude on their family because Jett is her biological son with Everett, conceived via science as Heather was their surrogate. She's tried to set a clear boundary to avoid any confusion for or about toddler Jett.)

Spencer nodded. "Bob means well. And I'm doing okay, really. The baby kicks all the time. Like right now. Here: feel. Since we moved back to Henford, it's been better. We haven't had any snow yet!"

"Don't remind me. I miss the mild winters in Henford, but Ash really loves the snow. It's great enjoying it through his eyes."

"The boys love living with my parents and running through the fields like we did. Everett's family comes around all the time, and he's happier at the parish in Henford. Oh! Would you believe that old fox, Pawbin Hood, is still alive?! He's still wearing the Sherwood Forest get up you bought from the creature keeper when we were fourteen!"

"I guess I'm not surprised; I swear, the foxes will outlive us all. Everett thinks they react differently to the wild mushrooms than sims do." Gently, she steered the conversation back to her friend. "And all of that sounds great for everybody else. But what about you, Spence?"

"On days I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm just glad everyone's there to pick up the slack."

"What about work?"

"Paused for now, I guess. At this point I won't get back to Selvadorada until this one's out of diapers." She pointed to her bump. "But if you can get away, you should come with me next time I go. You're just as good at identifying artifacts, and you love exploring the jungle as much as I do."

"I would love that," Heather said, awash with nostalgia over their first trip to the jungle for Spencer's bachelorette. After their quick visit, she tended to JJ - who was fine other than a mild case of lava nose - and she sent them on their way with a refill of organic disinfectant spray to keep treating him.

Later that afternoon, Heather took a moment to relax and hydrate when she was met by another surprise visitor. The woman walked in heavily pregnant and disguised under a bandana and sunglasses, but Heather recognized her name from her digital sign-in sheet. "Emi Wise? You used to be Emi Kudo, didn't you? You were a vet tech here when I was in high school!"

Emi looked around to ensure she didn't recognize any other faces in the lobby. "I remember you and your parents," she admitted. "When I used VetConnect to find a clinic to help my Olive, I realized Sorrel Jackson sold you this place. I like the rebrand, and I liked it even better when I saw you got away from Landgraab Corp. I think you might be the only vet in Simlandia who can help us. That's the only reason I risked coming back here."

As Heather healed Olive in an exam room, Emi noted the place hadn't changed much since she'd worked there. "You've rebranded, and you should really invest in a whole new look. My husband's an architect, and I think he could design something incredible. When Olive has to come back for her follow-up appointment, I'll bring him with me so he can get a look at the place, if you want."

"That sounds great, actually. I'm always looking for ways to really spruce this place up!"

Heather called Conrad to set one more plate at the table for dinner before she invited Emi to her home next door. Grateful for Heather's hospitality so she and Olive could rest a little before their long journey home, Emi opened up about her life in the years since she'd left Brindleton Bay in such a hurry.

"I had an affair with a married man, and he chose his wife, of course. I was so young and naive. I had no idea what to do, but I knew I couldn't stay. So I bought a one-way plane ticket to Evergreen Valley because it felt far enough away from here. I met a man and fell in love a month after I got to town, and he raised the twins like they were his own from the day they were born. We had a son together, and this one will be a girl."

"It sounds to me like everything worked out for the best. You don't have to tell me who the father is, but there are rumours around town."

(Basically, it's a good thing Kaori finished up with Jax and Mrs. Harms before Emi and Olive showed up!)

Emi's face went white. "Please don't tell him or his wife I was here. I promised I wouldn't ever ask for a thing for the boys, but if they see me here they might think I want to cause trouble."

"Your secret's safe with me," Heather promised.

True to her word, Emi brought her husband Layne for Olive's follow up, and he and Heather spoke about plans to revamp the clinic completely - a total rebuild, with class, elegance, and in keeping with Brindleton Bay's coastal charms.

Buttercup Pet Clinic was a place where people felt comfortable being open and vulnerable, and Heather heard her fair share of gossip inside the clinic walls. She was becoming something of a neighbourhood confidante, and took it seriously when people trusted her with their problems. With this in mind, Layne offered to add a small cafe - a relaxed gathering place for owners to wait for their pets and sip coffee. Heather was excited, and couldn't wait for spring to get started on construction.

As a bonafide Friend of the Animals, Heather was pretty great with her human friends, too. And she wanted her clinic to reflect that. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

NOTE: So my game had ANOTHER baby boom but now I think I'm maxed and need some elders to expire before more nooboos will generate randomly. That said, in addition to Emi and her husband (Layne Wise originally known as Leoric Weild), Everett & Spencer, and Lydia & Alexander, River and Cassandra are expecting again, too! That's two more grandkids for Bella!

I checked on the Gen 1 Nesbitt household, where River and Cassandra live with Neal, Daisy, and their son Michael (plus dog Bernadette and cat Duchess) and pregnant Cass got on an autonomous video call with her mom. 🥰

NOTE 2: It's been on my list to get Heather and Spencer back to Selvadorada for almost a decade (in game!). I'm trying to complete the Jungle Explorer aspiration with Spencer, but there really has not been a good time as they both have small kids or keep getting pregnant. The aspiration isn't a requirement for this generation and more a bonus goal for me, but I really want to do it so stay tuned!

Heather's had Adventurous as a bonus trait since they went on their first trip together, and ever since then she's just been able to use it for wild woohoo and being eager and excited about the Ambrosia Society's challenge, whereas Conrad was a lot more cautious (about the latter - the wild woohoo doesn't trouble him at all!)

NOTE 3: As always, I thank @rinseesims for adding the iconic Leoric Weild from her iconic UDC to the Sims 4 gallery because he makes a great dad/architect in this universe!

[ladynyoko]

Jonah's Enucleation

So this is going to be a long post. I apologize for that in advance. I've been sort of blowing up @talesfromtreatment's ask box since Sunday morning going through a hell of a rollercoaster with my dog. (Again, sorry about that. Not sure if you read any of it, but if you haven't feel free to delete those messages and just read this post instead if you want to know what I've been using your ask box as a sounding board about for the last 48-ish hours.)

This all starts Saturday.

We have a Beagle/Jack Russell mix. His name is Jonah. He's around 8-ish years old and, tragically, a beagle with all that entails. He's a good dog - but he's got loud opinions and can't help himself around food or cat toys. He wears sweaters in the winter when it's cold. He has a favorite blanket. He's overweight but we've been working on it.

Saturday morning, when we woke up, everything was normal. As the day went on, he started acting like he does on his bad pain days. He's had Lyme in the past and while he tests negative now, he has what I can only describe as flare ups. He'll get listless, go off his food, and just be miserable for a day before he perks up and is just fine the next day. We have prescription painkillers for if a flare up lasts particularly long or he's really uncomfortable. But this looked like a mild one, all things considered.

Saturday evening, when I let him out for the night, I noticed a little bit of odd behavior. He walked straight into the screen door on his way back in. "Huh, that's odd." I thought. But it was dark out, and the screen door was in a different spot than usual because of some ground shifting after our recent cold snap - I wasn't able to open it all the way like I usually do. He didn't seem to find his treat as quickly as usual either. But I figured, he's getting older. Maybe his vision's going a little. He already has his annual scheduled in March - I'll bring it up with his vet then.

I didn't get a chance.

Sunday morning, when we woke up, he was blind. In the short span of 24 hours, he'd completely lost his vision.

We knew something was wrong. We checked the hours for our local animal urgent care, and resolved to take him in the second they opened.

And once they had, we loaded him and his favorite blanket up in the car, and drove straight there. There was another emergency ahead of us. The clinic was busy. Not surprising - it was the only place within an hour's drive that was open today. Everyone with an urgent problem would be going there today. Still, we weren't waiting very long before they brought us back to one of their two exam rooms and started intake.

We didn't wait long for the vet either.

It's a vet we know. She's saved our cat's life before. (Some of you may remember Lily, if you've been following me for a long time. We had to do signal boost fundraising for her years back after a near death experience.) We trust her implicitly. She looks over Jonah and confirms our suspicions. He's completely blind. But why he's suddenly gone blind is what we're there to find out.

After examining him, she suspects glaucoma. It wasn't something I even knew dogs could get. On the way there, I'd been running through the worst fears I could think of. Had his thyroid medication tipped him the other way into hyperthyroidism? Had we missed diabetes? Was it a brain tumor?

We were prepared for a lot of things. Glaucoma sounded easy! My mom has borderline glaucoma! Just eye drops to control his pressure and keep up with his annuals, and he'll be fine, right?

So back to the waiting room we went while they started his tests. We requested a comprehensive blood panel to rule out any other possibilities, which the vet agreed to do in addition to his eye pressure check and a test to check his moisture levels in his eyes as well.

We wait for a bit, they bring him back out, and we get his test results. Blood panel looks good. Eyes are a tiny bit on the dry end of normal range. But his eye pressure is through the roof. Glaucoma confirmed. No big! We just need to get his eye pressure down and then we can get him on maintenance drops and follow up with our regular vet.

Except that isn't how it happens.

He gets his first round of drops. We wait thirty minutes. He gets a second round, because his pressure was really high, another thirty minutes. They retest. The pressure in his right eye is down. But his left eye has continued to climb. We do another couple rounds of drops. Another retest. His right eye has stabilized. His left eye has not. They give him a narcotic for the pain. We try another medication - one that the vet didn't want to use because it's extremely uncomfortable for the dogs but at this point we need to get this under control. Drops every fifteen minutes. Waiting. Agonizing. We talk about next steps. The vet consults with a specialist in a larger city. Jonah has calmed thanks to the narcotic and is laying on his blanket on the floor of the waiting room.

After nearly six hours at animal urgent care, the pressure in his right eye finally comes down. It's still high, but the vet doesn't want to keep him any longer. We're discharged with a steroid to control the inflammation and hopefully manage the pain, an antibiotic because we just spent nearly six hours fussing with his eyes and don't want them infected, and the drops to control his eye pressure. We're given strict instructions to follow up with our regular vet the next day and have his pressure retested as soon as we're able.

Exhausted, we bring our extremely drugged dog home. He pees in the front yard and spends the rest of the evening on his blanket on the couch. I give him his first dose of medication without incident. Then his second. Mom goes to bed. I promise to wake her if I need help giving him his third dose.

He sleeps on the couch. Our cat joined him at some point between his third dose and the time I came up for his fourth. His narcotics are starting to wear off now. He cries when I go to gently pull his eyelid back to medicate his left eye. His eye looks worse. He's in pain. I feel bad but I know I have to do this and thankfully I manage on my own. He settles down and I go to bed, resolved to wake in four short hours for his next dose.

The next morning I wake up for his next dose of meds. Pressure drops then steroids. His eye hasn't improved. I start to worry. I'm afraid of what we'll find when we drop him off at the vet. Has his left eye continued to trend downwards or has it shot back up? We won't know until he gets tested. Our other dog has a grooming appointment. Mom leaves to take him to that. I stay home with Jonah. I call our vet and let them know what's going on. Ask if we can drop him off. The tech tells me the vet won't be in for another hour and she'll call me back as soon as she's talked to them.

I lay down on the couch with Jonah and try to get a little more sleep. I wake up in an hours - he needs his antibiotic now. The vet calls and agrees to a drop off appointment. I drive him in with his blanket, all his medications, and the meal he hadn't eaten that morning. I let them know everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. He hasn't eaten or drank anything since the previous morning. I worry.

Mom gets home with our freshly groomed other dog. We talk about what we're going to do. We've stretch our budget thin paying for his urgent care visit the previous day. We know the next step is to remove the eye that we can't get under control - a $2,000-$3,000 surgery. Way out of our budget. But we don't want him to be in pain. We resolve that if his pressure has gone up again, we'll have him put to sleep rather than have him suffer any longer.

The waiting game starts again. A few hours later, we get the call. The vet retested his eyes three times. The right has completely stabilized. The left has shot up again. We're devastated. We know what's best for him. What has to be done. We let the vet know, and schedule to come to the office in three hours to see him across the rainbow bridge, after we've had time to inform His Boy who now lives two hours away with a family of his own.

We're all emotionally drained by this point. We've cried off and on. It's hard to talk about it without crying. The urgent care vet calls us to see how he's doing and we tell her the bad news.

Monday afternoon, we drive to the vet's office. We try not to break down into tears in the waiting room, knowing what's coming. Knowing we'll be led into the quiet Goodbye Room they have, with its nice couch and soft pastel walls and privacy.

We get called up to the tech and are met with a question.

"If money weren't a problem, what would you do?" I reply without thinking. "Get rid of the damn eye." She tells us that there's another option. There's a friend of the office who offers financial assistance for cases like ours. Young, otherwise healthy animals with decent prognoses whose owners just can't afford the treatment they need. She only asks what we can afford to pay, and she'll pay the rest. No need to repay her. We're overcome. There's the smallest glint of hope.

We ask when we'd have to pay, because we'd just tapped everything we had for his urgent care appointment. She offers to talk to the vet. The vet agrees. We're clients in good standing who've proven again and again how much we care for our pets. The entire office hated what was about to happen because we just couldn't afford a treatment. For us, they'll defer payment until our next check comes in.

Overcome, we schedule the surgery. Jonah is brought out to us, now on painkillers and in significantly better spirits. (Although some of that may be attributed to a dirty secret they shared with us. One of the girls in the office had a birthday that day, you see. And, thinking it was his final day, they'd spoiled him fucking rotten. He may have diarrhea tonight, the tech says apologetically. We just laugh.)

On February 4th, Jonah's left eye will be removed. His right eye will remain. He'll be blind for the rest of his life. But he'll be alive and out of pain and that was always the goal we were aiming for. We still have a heavy financial burden, but he's worth it. He's so, so worth it. We're going to have so many more years to enjoy him and all his tragically Beagle crimes.

[tetedurfarm]

have had the month of all time (derogatory) and it's been. in no particular order:

found out spouse's car was full of mould, declared a biohazard, had extensive collision damage from two wrecks, and was sold anyway because the prev owner i guess lied to the dealer and for some reason they couldn't pull the carfax. so he had to buy a new car only a year after buying a new car 🙃

this happened like the day after i found out my rabbits had died/were injured by a heat stroke after wcc so nobody was having a good time that week

goats ate azalea and i had to spend two hours giving them charcoal every fifteen minutes and then hoped nobody died overnight. which fortunately they didn't, i guess because i caught them eating the tree and got medication in them fast enough to actually counteract the poison, but i am genuinely shocked

had so, so many ducklings hatch and no time to make it to the auction house until this last weekend. checked the auction's facebook (because in the ag world the only thing that ever gets updated is facebook) and didn't see anything about it being closed, so i woke up at 6.45, packed up all the ducks and two rabbits, and drove two hours to find the auction was closed. turns out in complete oppostire of everyone else ever, they updated their website, but not facebook.

also i meant to bring three rabbits but one of them jumped out of my hands and literally LEAPED across the yard and into a bush. decided that we were not going to be able to net her, so she met her end via pellet gun and kyle had to skin her at shitfuck o'clock in the morning while i left on my ill-fated journey

bottom fell out of the OTHER growout cage and i have not had the time to properly replace it

one day violet decided that she was not going to go into the shed for lunch so i had to spend an HOUR walking her to exhaustion so i could catch her an drag her in. my legs have been mad about that ever since

took my dog to the vet for his shots but also because the Weird Lump on his leg is being very concerning and so now i'm waiting to see if he might be getting the juice (he's had a good run - he's either 14 or 16, so like. it was only a matter of time and we've prepared for his death for a long time but it still sucks y'know lol)

brought some growouts to a friend because i need animals gone so i can wean a couple litters because got overwhelmed with kits and haven't been able to do culls because of (gestures broadly)

which means that all my girls but olympia that i had bred last month missing wasn't entirely a bad thing but i'm still sad cos a couple of those girls are old and need to retire so i really want that last litter

violet did not kid. not holding out hope for her having been rebred as it's too late in the year for them to be going into heat again, so that means turnip probably also is not pregnant despite her month with the boys. doing a blood pull in a couple weeks and if turnip is open she's getting turned into a rug and i am going on a road trip to walla walla to buy a replacement. i guess.

fortunately, betty is looking MUCH better after a bit of cocci treatment, another round of strong wormer, and a lot of good pasture. so at least i'm not buying a new ewe as well.

slugs ate most of my garden and i am sad :( put copper tape down and hopefully it helps but i will probably have to buy new starts which is. aughgdfjdfjk.

at least the cherry tree is doing awesome and making a bunch of fruit, the animals are all healthy now, and my house is clean. but oh my god i am tired

[snootlestheangel]

Just read His wounded cry.... love it so much, the whole concept and then the writing is just brilliant.. please ignore my comments, I was having a Moment.

I have some questions (some aren't even questions just me being unable to not blab) if you don't mind answering? 👀

1. I know you said Ghost is a big wolf when shifted, where would his shoulders reach in comparison to let's say Soap?

2. I saw another post you've made about the fic where you said you were tempted to make Ghost adopt a load of orphaned wolf pups and I can't help imagining him discovering a little cage with maybe 3-4 little pups huddled in the back (unfortunately my hyperactive imagination gave them colours too- one little brown one, a black one, a white one and a silver one because why not? I dunno) maybe they're scared of one of the vets or something and he protects them from the dodgy vet (Sarah's part of the fic mentioned some people in her practice not respecting wolves?) And shows them that Sarah is safe and they can trust her.. he ends up with the wolf equivalent of ducklings

3. If Soap went on leave do you think he'd piece together Ghost's identity based on the clues his sister infodumped on him? Or do you think he'd recognise his eyes and mannerisms? Would he even go on leave to his sister's place?

4. Blue stuff..... does it perhaps inhibit ghostie from shifting back to human? If so, rude, but also would that come back in blood tests if the vets ran any?

5. Soap... my heart broke for him repeatedly throughout reading the fic (definitely not a question but hush, I'll leave it in)

That's all (for now)

Love the fic so thank you for writing it :]

We have no choice but to get married now

Jk but like seriously!!! I'm actually gonna flip out, I've been feeling very sick and the last few weeks have had some rough moments, today almost gave me a heart attack

So to see this and then your comments and just *happy noises* I'm proposing, we're getting married

I will happily answer every question you ever have and will be a very active listener anytime you want to blab because holy fuck

Anyways!

Big wolfie Ghost in comparison to Soap? I picture his shoulder height being roughly in line with Sarah (Soap's big sister's) waist/hip, so since Soap is taller probably mid to upper thigh? I think that's the right translation of the visuals in my head

The colors you picked for the pups was eerily close to the ones I pictured... and the number... get out of my head (affectionately ofc). I definitely may not have made it as clear as I wanted about how this world views Wolves, but it's not great. There's definitely a big stigma against them and the MacTavish family's practice is probably the most humane. Definitely one of the vet techs is not great, but only MacTavish family members are the actual doctors. With the puppies, I was thinking of the pups being brought in, and since Ghost is under Sarah's care, he's there and helps calm them down. I pictured there being 2 older ones (twin boys, early teens), a younger girl (7-10), and then a baby pup (4-5) so this would be her first shift. Sarah says the pups can be placed with other family members for foster, but Ghost is now super protective of them, besides it's easier to communicate with them.

Hmm... I've thought so much about how Soap would find/figure it out and I have no clue. It's honestly part of why I haven't been able to make much progress on the story cause I just don't know how to solve that. I think Soap would definitely piece it together pretty fast. His mannerisms and eyes would definitely be dead giveaways, but especially when Sarah tells him about his condition and the deactivated chip, he'd know instantly. I definitely want to have a situation where Soap's Dad doesn't want to get him involved, so maybe at some point Soap comes home and that's when he learns everything (he's not happy about Soap's career choice because when he was their age, there was a big thing that happened with the military and wolves, and there was a serum going around with very similar effects to the blue stuff.) Bonus, Soap would not voluntarily take leave because he's going to do everything in his power to find Ghost first.

Blue stuff absolutely prevents him from shifting back, and it does show up on blood tests. Sarah, Clyde, and others wouldn't recognize a lot of the compounds and stuff found in it, but there are some key ones that Clyde MacTavish would recognize from the earlier incident I mentioned :) I want it to become really widespread and the 141 has to shift focus a bit. This could be how Soap ends up back home/at the practice because he's having to inform them and provide some helpful stuff they've learned in their own research of some of the confiscated serum. But at the same time, I also don't like the idea of Soap showing up in person for it, I feel like he'd call cause he's too focused on finding Ghost

I know my poor baby... I definitely think Sarah is gonna piece two and two together. She and Soap are closer than the rest of the family is with him, and he confides in her with a lot of things. That's why I really wanna do the phone call of Soap saying the military knows, be prepared to keep finding/treating wolves for this (there's not a cure yet) because during the call she gets him to open up about what's bothering him. She already knows about a "Simon" guy but he tells her about the conversation they had in the flashback and how he feels about the situation. She doesn't say anything about the wolf (Ghost) but that's because she isn't confident yet. She does some prying though and figures some things out.

I'm so glad you like it!! This deadass might get me to reread it so I can work on an update cause wow

I do still seriously love this fic (I think about it all the time)

[theocddiaries]

[A few hours later, at Vanilla’s tea shop, Sonic is talking with Mighty at one of the tables. Shadow enters with the chicken in his arms. He nods in their direction and heads straight to the counter to speak with Vanilla.] Mighty: …Is that a chicken your partner is holding?? Sonic: Yeah, Knuckles has an egg from the fridge, and he wants to be a dad. Mighty: Ah. I see you all are still on-brand… Shadow: Vanilla, excuse me, has Knuckles been here already? Vanilla: No, sweetheart, I haven’t seen him today. Shadow: Good. Can you help me hide the chicken until— Knuckles [from the entrance]: Mighty! How are you?? [Shadow throws the chicken to Vanilla. She catches it and crouches behind the counter to hide. Knuckles enters, carrying the egg on top of a cushion.] Knuckles: Look, this is my kid, Knuckle-egg. Aren't they the cutest thing you've ever seen? Mighty: Gorgeous… Such a… perfectly oval shape. Knuckles: Takes after me. Look, there's their godfather. Shadow, come over, I have a feeling they're about to hatch. Shadow: Oh, wonderful… [approaches the table hesitantly]: You must be a nervous wreck, I assume? Knuckles: Yeah. I just hope everything goes well. I trust that it will. The little one will be strong like his father. Shadow: Why don’t you step outside for some air? It might help you calm down a bit. Knuckles: Oh, no way. I don’t want to miss a single second of the first most important moment of my child’s life. [carefully places the cushion on one of the tables and stares at the egg]: I won’t take my eyes off him. I brought eye drops so they don’t sting from not blinking. Shadow: Ah, such dedication. [looks at Sonic pleadingly] Sonic [shrugs, a bit lost]: Uh… Oh, right! Knuckles, you can’t let Knuckle-egg hatch like this! There's no vet present! Knuckles: You’re right! God, they haven't even been born yet, and I’m already being irresponsible! Sonic: Hurry, quick, there’s a vet in the building across the street! Knuckles: Oh, lucky stars! Don’t worry, Knuckle-egg, Daddy will be right back! [runs out] [Vanilla comes out from behind the counter, startling a customer. She apologizes and hands the chicken to Shadow.] Knuckles [from outside, returning]: Sonic, the vet across the street says if I’m not buying bread, I should get lost! What do we do?! [Shadow picks up the egg, cracks it, and places the top half on the chicken’s head like a hat.] Vanilla: Knuckles, hurry, it already hatched! Knuckles [stumbles back into the tea shop]: It hatched?! Knuckle-egg, come here! [picks it up in his arms and starts kissing it]: I love you even more than before I met you! [Everyone exchanges glances and sighs.] Knuckles [suddenly stops and looks at the chicken seriously]: Hey, don’t you all think they're a little too grown up?? Mighty: Well, you’re a thousand percent muscle, and you were in a womb once. Knuckles: Reasonable. Oh, Vanilla, take a picture of us. [hands her a camera] [Shadow sits next to Sonic while Vanilla takes several photos of Knuckles and Knuckle-egg and then shows them to him.] Shadow: Thank goodness. This is the last time I get involved in anything with your family. Sonic: I think what you did was really sweet. [pecks him on the cheek] Shadow: Hm… Knuckles: Hey, Shadow, I’m going to buy Knuckle-egg a harness. I’m scared they might take off flying and get lost. Mighty: Knuckles, chickens don’t— Shadow [interrupts]: I'd love to. But I’m exhausted from today’s excitement. You know who would love to go? Rouge. Go surprise her at home without warning. She’ll love it. Mighty: Ah, that's what Tails was talking about…

Previous

[pastafossa]

Pet loss below the cut.

Cato was my cat. That's the long and short of it.

From the first night I had him when he curled up against my neck to fall asleep with me, to his final night when he curled up on my chest to try and comfort me, there is not a single day I've been home that I haven't had my kitten chow with me. He was my tiny shadow, always trotting along after me or singing at me from around the house with that long Siamese wail or bringing me scores of socks he hid god knows where (although once he brought me an entire umbrella instead, which he was understandably proud of). He was by my pillow every night cuddled up against my arm, and we fit together like two puzzle pieces, like that little crook in my arm was designed for him, for his exact shape and size. He was with me through my health issues, through high school and college, through moving states, through covid, through tears, through the loss of other pets. He was there as I really learned to write, and there is not a single chapter of TRT that was written without his presence for at least a section of it even if it meant I had to stop editing or writing for a bit and just stare at the words instead because he wanted to be held NOW. And he even managed to hold off the cancer just long enough to walk with me through mom's hospital stay and her return home. I was his person, and he was my soul cat, a piece of me.

I was so torn last night. He was clearly in pain, dehydrated, wobbly, confused and restless, and couldn't get to the litter box. It had been really clear this week the moment was coming, that the cancer was going to take him soon. I'd had this big plan, to have it all happen at home in peace. He hated the vet, hated the stress, but it happened so fast, and I just... knew he couldn't wait for the vet's office to open so she could come here. He'd chosen his time and it was now.

I held him at the emergency vet when they gave him the sedative. I managed to choke out that silly singing tone that always made him happy, as I called him every last nickname he knew: my Cato-wato kitten chow, my Cato kins, my little Mr. meow meow, my sweet happy baby kitty. I made sure all he could see with those big beautiful blue eyes of his was me, as I petted his soft little ears and scratched his neck just the way he liked. And he actually managed to purr for me. He purred as he slipped away and the lights went out, and it was the last sound I ever got to hear from him.

I already miss you so, so much, my sweet old kitty, my Cato kitten chow. I'm sorry it couldn't be at home. But thank you for purring for me. Thank you for spending your journey with me. Thank you for the love you gave me. Thank you for the big meows and the headbonks and perching on my shoulder to interrupt with a breaking news story of Meow Meow. Thank you for the stealing of hundreds of my socks over 16 years and the way you always wanted to sit on me regardless of convenience or your own comfort. Thank you for letting me scoop you up for head smoochies, guarding me from nightmares, and solemnly supervising over 150 chapters of TRT. My soul cat, my baby kitty, my lovebug. I will always love and miss you. And one day I'll see you again.

[tadpoled-sloth]

Sorry for the long story. Skip if you don't care about religious stuff.

In roughly 2012, I was living in Chicago. At that time, I didn't consider myself religious. I'd been born Catholic, confirmed Protestant, weakly tried to dabble in witchcraft I didn't really believe in in my early 20s, and by 2012 I was 32 and just didn't believe in anything.

But some part of me *wanted* to, if that makes sense? I felt like something was missing. But nothing seemed to vibe.

So in summer of that year I was walking up the street headed to Millenium Park to just go and people watch for a bit, and I passed two nuns and a priest.

No, this post isn't what you're thinking now. But there's a point here. The point is that it was still summer, albeit late, and it was hot and humid. And here were these two young women and a young man, absolutely covered neck to toe in black, and the women had small head coverings. I felt stifled on their behalf. But here they were, laughing together and walking as if they didn't notice.

I wanted that sense of importance. I wanted something to mean enough to me that I was willing to be that uncomfortable. Does that make sense? Not that I wanted to suffer, but that it wouldn't *feel* like suffering, because I *believed* enough.

That bothered me for a few years. Then, kind of unbidden and unprompted a few years later, a little voice in the back of my mind suggested I look into Judaism. I spoke with a Jewish friend, but I didn't know what to ask. How was someone raised at minimum secularly Christian supposed to know what questions to ask to unlearn what I'd been taught?

I kinda got frustrated and let it go for another couple of years.

In 2021ish, during lockdown, I found a woman on TikTok who was live streaming her synagogues services (with their permission) and I fell in love. Everything about it felt like coming home; plus the music was just gorgeous.

In 2022 when isolation relaxed a little and some in-person services resumed, I found a Reform temple nearby and started attending services. I was immediately welcomed and treated as a friend and equal, even without being Jewish yet. I took intro to judaism twice, and in late 2023, I was invited to be a founding member of the temples first Pride group, for representation, education, and inclusion.

I was so honored. Of course I joined. We went through the process of being officially vetted and voted on by the Board, and became an official group. In June of this year, for the annual Pride Shabbat service, I was invited to be part of a small Q&A panel to help provide insight and education on how to support your queer brethren.

And then the rabbi left. And a new one came in.

Suddenly, one of my friends in the Pride group was denied membership into a women's group because her spouse wasn't Jewish and "it might make others uncomfortable". (She is in a straight/straight-passing marriage.) Other board members were present and heard this, and said nothing.

She brought it up to the new rabbi, who declared that the board had final say and could do as they pleased. So she left the shul entirely.

Later, another member reported that the board didn't "trust" the Pride group, because they "didn't know what they were up to". Despite having officers that could easily have answered any questions.

So I left, too. I no longer felt safe and welcomed. But I didn't want to give up, either.

I reached out to the rabbi who leads the shul i started with - the one I joined on TikTok. And while I haven't heard from her personally yet (because my dumb ass emailed during the High Holy Days) I'm still excited. Because at least I'm trying. Plus I've signed up to attend two of their HHD services.

Im not giving up on this. I *will* find someone who accepts me for who I am and is willing to teach me. This is what I've been chasing for 10 years now. I just want to come home.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 4 "dreamland, part 1" thoughts

hello all. today is a bit of a gloomy day where i live. i have no desire to go forth and watch an episode, but we must push through and do things we love rather than give into despair. am i right?!?!

so, last episode was quite fun. mulder loves scully. did you know that? i knew it, but hearing it out loud made things even better. 

it seems that today we will be dealing with some sort of body swapping problem. which is deeply unfortunate. no idea how such a thing occurs or how one goes about reversing it.

post-episode thoughts: this was literally 45 minutes of mulder atoning for his crimes of being a moody man. he went through so much that i actually forgive him for his previous actions. he has served his time. poor man. sopping wet meow meow.

but also, poor scully!! it's a good thing i'm not her, because i would have whipped my sig out right in the middle of the office and brought the adventures of mulder and scully to an abrupt end after a Certain Moment. DAMN. no one was winning in this episode! poor sweet scully... truly she has suffered so much.

we begin today in nevada. with my friends the FBI agents!! 

“outpost 134. two miles to go” “i’m alllllll atingle” <- LMAOOOO, oh scully. she does not give a damn about area 51; meanwhile, he's going on a sacred pilgrimage, and the excitement is visible on his face

he’s convinced that this dude who gave them some vague information is not a liar and that this time they will REALLY get the proof- but scully just wants a break!! i can't blame her. how many times now has he been convinced that "proof" is right around the corner?

scully monologue! “mulder, it’s the dim hope of finding that proof that’s kept us in this car, or one very much like it, for more nights than i care to remember. driving hundreds, if not thousands of miles, through neighborhoods and cities and towns where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and their dogs, and… in short, living their lives. while we… we, we just keep driving”

OH MY GOD, we are barely a minute into this episode and i’m already going to cry. she sounds so sad!!! she wants a life!! or at least thinks she wants it, because tbh i find it very hard to picture her “settling down” and putting aside all the Kicking of Ass and Saving of Lives- but damn it, she wants a house and a dog, and maybe when mulder works out whatever it is he is experiencing, they can obtain a baby.

but then again, he’ll always have something he’s chasing in terms of aliens and bigfoot and x files… so maybe that wouldn’t be for the best. babies are a lot of work. however, he seems to really want one, and has talked about "settling down" before. or does he just like the IDEA of a family because he is chasing bringing his own back?

but again, i also think that there would be something that scully is always chasing! some new medical mystery will need tending to, or scientific phenomena will need to be explained. does "settling down" imply giving those things- the late night drives and quests for proof- up? what is the alternative?

this poses some serious philosophical questions about our lead characters that i lack enough life experience to answer.

how are you supposed to get the kids home from elementary school if you're tracking down a governmental conspiracy and half of DC wants you dead? the vetting process for godparents must be INTENSE.

also, love her use of the word "we" about the continued driving in favor of "living their lives". it implies that whether they keep chasing aliens or give it up and get a more normal job to get a house and a dog, either way it will be done together. which is especially fascinating because they haven't even kissed.

oh god. please display some sensitivity to this rare scully display of emotions, mulder.

while she asks if he ever wants to settle down and have a normal life (to which he replies “this IS a normal life”), four cars surround them and keep them from going any further. which has never happened to me, personally, and i claim to live a pretty normal life. so we have different definitions as to what that means.

they are ordered out of the car, and a guy smoking a cigarette approaches them (later revealed to be named morris, but it gets far more confusing as the episode progresses). which is visual shorthand for a bad guy in this show.

morris says they have to leave, but then something that looks like a UFO approaches!!

OHHHH... mulder’s grabbing her arm as it flies closer……. god. he is investigating. but he also needs to make sure she sees this. because so often she does not see these things.

but then scully walks away with the other guy, morris?? calling him mulder??

oh man. oh BROTHER. so does mulder see himself through the eyes of this other dude?? a real-deal body swap? what a headache!!

(intro time)

we have yet to have a full-length intro this season! it's throwing me off of my rhythm!

these soldiers are waiting to take orders from mulder, who is in the body of morris, and he is utterly gagged, because he just watched scully leave with a stranger!! oh, if i were him, i would be losing my MIND! who is this man driving away with scully?!?!

so mulder is in the body of a guy named morris, who is part of some top secret area 51 project. the other men in the car with him are asking why he let the FBI agents go, but some other guy says they’ll have the FBI handle their own people. right, that's surely what morris meant! absolutely! definitely! (/s)

oooo, this is both an immense opportunity and terrible situation for mulder to be in. because he can learn all the secret area 51 stuff in this body, but he also isn’t himself, and who knows wtf this other guy is gonna try with scully!! personally, i would be too focused on getting back into my own damn body to go on any alien sidequests! but who knows what he will do; mulder has interesting priorities...

there are all sorts of mysterious aircraft in area 51!!

omg!!! we, the audience, see him as mulder, but when he looks in a security camera, he appears to have the face of this morris guy!!

he unfortunately does not know where to go, but thankfully morris’ door has a name tag on it. and it’s filled with photos of him doing his job with people like ronald reagan. 

but he just looks at them and mumbles “scully” <- OHHHHH :( not even getting all of the answers to his biggest questions will keep him from thinking about her

(also... the way he thinks of her when he sees the photos of morris with his wife and kids on the wall... someone hold me. i'll faint)

how will he convince her of this predicament?!

meanwhile, the real morris (in the body of mulder) is driving scully, who wants to know if he is okay!! he hasn’t said a word since they got caught, and he just tells her the gas cap is on her side, which throws her off. ohhh…. i feel so BAD! she wanted to check in on him!! and she thinks mulder is just blowing her off!!! :(((

morris-as-mulder is cranking up the music in their car, which we know to be unlike the real mulder. while real mulder-as-morris tries to call her, but he gets interrupted!!!

morris-as-mulder asks for a pack of cigarettes, and she’s asking “since when do you smoke?”- he is MEAN to her about that (AND he called her dana, which is so evil!!!!)

oh, she knows something is afoot… even if he has been acting weird lately, this is TOO weird for him. picking up smoking?!?! nuh-uh.

(i love that post that says they get to call each other by their first time approximately once each calendar year because it is so true. c'mon scully, you HAVE to notice that this is unusual, even for him, the guy who is famously very unusual!!)

some other guy is trying to explain to mulder-as-morris that there is an info leak in their department, but since he’s actually mulder, he has no idea wtf to say. when mercifully, his phone rings. 

OH NO!! it’s morris’ wife!!! and she wants him home!!! and also, he must bring the milk!!!

oh god. this is going to be so weird. 

he’s being dropped off at morris’ house (sans milk, i do believe) and i am immensely uncomfy at the idea of what will happen next.

he tries to call scully on the house phone, but the operator asks him if he wants an outside line and he says no. which maybe means he cannot call DC? idk. GAAAH!! how will he reach her?!

oh gosh, mulder-as-morris must get in bed with his “wife”. i am uncomfy!!!

NOPE, he shuts the door!!! LMAO!!! he did not sign up for that shit. i respect that immensely.

is he going to fall asleep to some porn? sleeping on the couch instead of with his "wife" in bed?!?! this dude is going to fuck up morris’ marriage, LMAO.

(what an odd guy. never heard of people falling asleep to porn before... i've heard of people putting on regular TV shows or football games just for the white noise, but moaning? very strange)

somewhere else, a bunch of fires are being put out. there was a crash of the secret area 51 aircraft!! this guy, the pilot, is inside a rock??? and the other pilot is speaking a foreign language!

so maybe they got switched around, too. although idk how to explain the rock situation.

back in washington, scully is waiting for morris-as-mulder at some sort of meeting with kersh. and he is late!! and says he got lost!!! scully is not pleased at these words!!! she knows something is up...

oh no… kersh has been told to reprimand them… and morris-as-mulder is yapping about the whole thing being a big mistake. scully, meanwhile is like, what the actual FUCK is going on?! morris-as-mulder promises that he will never EVER disobey kersh again. which is horrible, because i imagine that mulder will, in fact, do that again.

scully is MAD, LMAO: “what was that about? ‘i’d give you his name if i had it?’ whatever happened to protecting our contacts? protecting our work?” <- she has had ENOUGH!! she said there NEEDS TO BE SOME INTEGRITY IN THESE OPERATIONS!!! and i love that about her!! that fundamental Need to do the Morally Correct Thing!

but he’s going back into the office to FLIRT WITH THE SECRETARY?? oh, if i were her i would be so MAD! and she is!!! “what is going ON with you?”

OH MY GOD, HE SLAPPED HER ASS???????????? asking if she was JEALOUS????

my JAW………… it is on the FLOOR….

we need to kill this morris guy. but we also need to make sure scully knows that was NOT mulder. he would NEVER!!!!! oh god, can mulder just sneak out to a payphone and call her…?

(this moment made me immensely uncomfy!!! it seemed like it was supposed to be some sort of joke, and i didn't find it funny! i would have supported scully throwing hands!! does the FBI have a good HR department? bleugh! it made me feel sick! the horrible idea of someone you have lived with and loved, no matter how you define that "love", for years, suddenly treating you like meat... i'd cry!!)

OH NOOO!! poor mulder-as-morris, who fell asleep watching porn on the couch, is slapped awake my morris’ wife, and he goes “scully?” <- AWW, POOR GUY :( he thought she came to save him :(

his not-really-his-wife is FURIOUS with him!! asking what the kids would think if they saw him up to such behavior!!!

and then one of those kids comes downstairs, he calls her by the wrong name, and she starts SOBBING LMAOOOOOO oh man. oh man. this is a nightmare. he just wants to know where his keys are. 

oh gosh, i’m laughing, but also cringing with secondhand embarrassment as he is asked about the daughter’s nose… WHAT about her nose?!?! 

“um… i think… i think she’s a little young for plastic surgery, don’t you think?” (she starts sobbing) “oh, for god’s sake, morris- a nose ring! she said she wants a nose ring!” 

BAHAHAAAA, OH MY GOD… poor mulder… he is paying for his crimes!! he is literally atoning… this teenage girl is saying she hates him and she wishes he were dead!!

well. having glimpsed life with teenage children, i have a feeling he is going to be put off by the idea of settling down and having a life as scully earlier proposed. and can you blame the guy?

(he also is such a dumbass, though. like, he could have just said "yeah" or "i need more time to think about it" to get out of answering whatever the nose question was. he went to the worst possible answer. smh!!!)

his wife asks if he wants a divorce, and he’s like NO NO NO, i don’t want to do all that! at least he is trying to think of morris and the family while stuck in some other guy's body!! but frankly, i'm sure his wife could do better than morris, so maybe if he did call the whole thing off, he'd be doing her a favor.

then she points out he’s in the same suit from yesterday. and getting changed finally allows him to see himself as morris. filming that mirror scene had to be hard. and now he’s DANCING around??? when the wife walks in!!! oh no!!!!!!!

he’s such a loser BAHAHAHA

but fun time is over, because someone from work is calling to let him know he has to get here NOW. 

the guy from the aircraft crash before who was talking in a different language- captain mcdonough- is mumbling prayers in hopi! but the dude whose body he is in has no known foreign language skills. he claims to be mrs. chee, a 75-year-old hopi woman!! meanwhile, mrs. chee is in the next room, behaving exactly as captain mcdonough!

oh lord…

at the FBI, morris is playing golf video games, and frankly, if i were scully, i would have shot him already. but her phone rings, and hopefully it’s really mulder, and he can explain what is going on. 

it is!! but she doesn’t believe him, or even remember the UFO incident. she has morris-as-mulder jump on the line, but real mulder picks up that it isn’t secure, and hangs up. 

this is the part where i would be making “mulder” answer incredibly specific questions about my life before proceeding. 

oh god, morris-as-mulder makes another awful misogynistic comment. things seem to be clicking for her… 

real mulder is buying some sunflower seeds. and i am happy for him for finding joy in such circumstances. but as he drives away from the gas station, some sort of earthquake thing begins!!!

more men in white jeeps are arriving, saying he has to come with them. execute that flawless k turn, mulder. 

what is going on!! he runs back to the gas station to try and find the attendant whom he just purchased the seeds from.

oh my GOD??? the man is severely injured, and when mulder-as-morris advocates for taking him to the doctor, the other henchman just takes his gun out and shoots and kills him. bro. these people are CRAZY. holy hell.

so what is causing this body swapping slash earthquake phenomena????

they light the gas station on fire and leave. damn.

NO!!! scully goes to mulder’s place, where she finds morris-as-mulder KISSING kersh’s secretary!!! oh, she looks BEYOND furious. you can tell from the way he is putting back on his clothes that they just hooked up, which raises all sorts of ethical questions on the ability to consent when body swapped.

“mulder, YOU, are out of YOUR mind!! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?” <- YELL AT HIM!!! oh my god, i PRAY that she can come to believe he really did get body swapped, because!!! i would not forgive him for this shit!!!!

“this is your LIFE’S WORK!!! your crusade!!!” “as i understand it, we’re off the x files” <- ohhh, and she SLAMS THE DOOR AND WALKS AWAY!!!!!! morris calls her a bitch!!!

we need to draw and quarter this man, and i’m not joking. 

back in nevada, some lizard has had its head turned into a rock??? like the pilot who was also rocked before???

the area 51 guys say that there has been a tear in the space-time continuum from the space craft malfunctioning. poor lizard…. now his head and the rock can exist in the same space.

oh god, mulder-as-morris wants to know how to reverse it, but the other dude doesn’t even think it’s possible. PLEASE FIND A WAY. i cannot watch either of our agents suffer any longer.

scully has driven down to nevada by herself!!! and that is a hell of a drive!!! featuring her big ass flashlight!!! she is investigating the gas station where earlier the mystery nevada men lit everything on fire

oh GOD, mulder is again going through the motions of being yelled at about morris’ marriage. “it’s just that you don’t want to ever make love to me ever again, that’s all. that, and you mumble something about scully in your sleep” <- OH MY GOD???? oh lord, i don't want to see all this...

he deflects the accusations of cheating by asking DOES SCULLY SOUND LIKE A WOMAN’S NAME, LMAOOOOO

he is acting his ass off here, saying he doesn’t know who he even is anymore. and he apparently sells it, because she thinks he just needs viagra. OH MY GOD. CRINGE. stooooop, he is going to need 8 million years to recover from this.

LMAOOOOO NOOOO, THEY HAVE THEIR HEARTFELT MOMENT AND THEN SCULLY SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR LOOKING FOR MORRIS FLETCHER........ LMAOOOOOOOO STOP. oh my god. i'm gonna claw my face off.

ohhhh, he’s trying to hard to explain everything to her, but she is wondering why some dude named morris fletcher wanted to meet with her??? he must convince her!!!

“all right, your full name is dana katherine scully. your badge number is… hell, i don’t know your badge number. your mother’s name is margaret, your brother’s name is bill jr, he’s in the navy and he HATES me. lately, for lunch, you’ve been having, like, this little six-ounce cup of yogurt, plain yogurt, into which you stir some bee pollen, because you’re on some kind of bee pollen kick, even though i tell you you’re a scientist and you should know better”

AWWWWWWW, STOOOOP :( 

he notices so many stupid little things…. and he knows bill hates him…. and why has she been into pollen lately now that she knows some pollen has an alien virus in it...?? i have so many questions!!

she still doesn’t believe him, though!!! and she drives away!!! while his "wife" is calling him a cheater and tossing all of his stuff out of the house!!!

ARGH, scully!!! i want her to BELIEVE him!!

maybe he should have gone more esoteric with his confessions. that post about them needing some secret word to truly identify each other gets more and more true the deeper i get into this series.

it would have made things very awkward, but i would have said "last week you saved me from drowning in the bermuda triangle, and when i was in my hospital bed, i confessed my love to you, and you probably thought i was high, but i meant it. i meant it. and you were the only one in the room so HOW COULD I HAVE FOUND THIS INFORMATION OUT? PLEASE, scully, it's ME!"

"remember that time 5 years ago we were hunting the liver eating lizard man and you got me a liver sandwich? that was so funny!" etc etc.

it is safe to say i would not handle being placed in this situation well. he says he can find evidence and prove to her that the body swapping really did happen. i am glad he has not given up hope.

but morris-as-mulder followed scully down to nevada??? and he calls the guy who morris works with, saying that he knows who leaked the information??? oh my GOD!! he's going to frame mulder so he can keep staying in his body!!

so mulder-as-morris is in area 51, shuffling through classified documents, trying to find the scientific evidence to prove to scully that such a time warp could take place by stealing a bunch of evidence and attempting to dip. which i imagine will not go well, because someone is watching him!!! 

NO! kersh calls her!!! he says she better follow his instructions to the letter or don’t bother coming back to DC at all!!!

i really despise this kersh fellow.

NOOOOO!!!! she is forced to organize a sting operation when she meets up with mulder-as-morris!!! and he gets taken away as he tries to bring her the proof!!!! he’s screaming that he wouldn’t do this, and that it isn’t him!!! 

ohhhh :( this makes me sad!!!

to be continued...

this was another somewhat silly one with the agents being thrust into such a ridiculous situation, but i am sad for each of our characters!!! scully was literally assaulted and her bestie turned into a horrible person overnight, and mulder is trapped in another person’s body!! and no one believes him!! ohhh :(

there are definitely some elements of this episode that have... aged poorly. misogyny, man. it is a hell of a drug, and very rarely a funny punchline, one that i am not finding funny on today of all days. whew, boy. i don't enjoy seeing scully subjected to such things.

i'm also a staunch scully defender, but this time i was like, oh my gosh queen, please just believe. just this once! it's okay! i won't even snitch that you are betraying your tidy worldview!

i do think by the end she was believing him based on the way she apologized and how furious she was with morris-as-mulder; i mean, i can never, EVER imagine mulder slapping her ass or not caring about the x files. like. c'mon. that's mr. spooky. he will never abandon the grind or his life's work.

i think this episode was pretty okay, but yuck, morris-as-mulder calling scully a bitch, hooking up with that random lady, slapping her ass, disrespecting her... you'll forgive me if i say "ew". yes, i get it, that was the point; real mulder wouldn't do those things! but that doesn't mean i have to enjoy the idea of scully thinking he would or experiencing them as if it really was him doing so. we have enough of that in real life to the point where i want to see it addressed in a serious manner rather than a cheap joke, or just not at all.

(gestures vaguely to the current state of things to make my point)

yeah, i know. the 90's. things have changed. i know!! but you're getting the show through new eyes, and this is how i see it.

maybe in time this episode will grow on me, because it did have very funny elements, but it is hard to say.

also, looking back, i am laughing at how intensely i analyzed that opening scene, only for them to be IMMEDIATELY separated. many such cases.

so. where do we go from here?!? i guess we shall have to tune into part 2!

[elysianstars]

Elysian Plays Persona 5 and Makes Silly Commentary About It, Part II.

Ryuji I admire your spirit of justice, but I could have told you immediately that your plan of 'two guys nobody likes try to make abuse victims admit what's happening to them' was bound for total failure.

We are now up to the FOURTH visit into this castle, and I still haven't gotten to kick that creep's ass yet. But you don't need to defeat him in battle, you just need to steal the treasure and that will make him stop. Don't care. Still wanna beat him up. I deserve a treat.

Why Is That Enemy Shaped Like That.

Morgana why are you crushing on a human girl. Are you like the reverse of a furry or something. I'm gonna take you to the vets and get you neutered.

I appreciate the mechanic of 'toy guns work in Palaces because it's a cognitive realm, and ammo regenerates because your enemies don't think you'd be stupid enough to point an unloaded fake gun at them'. Much better than having to keep an actual stock of ammo.

Restaurant Guy has risen massively in likeability to me, after he a) complained about the new cat, b) accepted the new cat, c) spontaneously brought a dish of food for the new cat, and d) lamented the fact he didn't get to name the new cat, in the space of five minutes.

Oh no, the doctor lady at the clinic is hot. Why does she have a poster on her wall of a teddy bear getting stabbed with multiple syringes.

Is there any downside to picking silly conversation options? Because sometimes stuff is presented that's clearly wrong but highly tempting to me.

The Persona fusion process makes me feel guilty. Especially using ones I negotiated with, who seemed all cheerful about joining up. Thinking we're allies now, just to get thrown in a bag and guillotined. Mean.

FIFTH visit to the castle and I finally get my treat. I appreciated that the guys stepped back and let Ann have final choice over what happened.

I also respect that she went to a fancy buffet and ate nothing but plate after place of cake. Relatable.

Just explored Mementos for the first time. I'm having a lot of fun! Only one brief glimpse of Akechi so far but there's plenty else to be entertained by!

Not the batting game though, that batting game can go right back to the hell from whence it came. Desperate to find other ways of raising Proficiency, since it's my only personality stat still at level one (plus I want to dodge that other asshole teacher who keeps throwing shit during lessons).

[wordstreamer]

Seems like everyone needs money these days, and I know I don’t have a lot of followers, but if anyone who sees this can boost or donate something to my KoFi or to a GoFundMe we set up, it would be much appreciated.

Our eldest cat, Diva, had to have multiple emergency blood transfusions, setting us back over $8k in money that we do not have; all three of our cats have medical needs that total about $338/month, on top of their regular care.

(Obligatory pics of our beautiful girl, her baby brothers, Poe and Silver, and said beautiful girl again.)

So, while I don’t love asking this, anything would help.

Edited to add: 7/5 and Diva's tentatively doing better. She's home, her appetite is coming back, and she's getting back to her normal levels of chattiness and energy. We've still got work to do, but things are looking up.

Additional updates under the Read More.

Diva on the bed for the first time in almost a week. (A tabby cat is curled up on a purple pillow, paws tucked in.)

Diva on the bed for the first time in almost a week. (A tabby cat is curled up on a purple pillow, paws tucked in.)

7/17 and probably (hopefully!) the last update for the foreseeable future. Diva had a follow-up appointment today and we confirmed that her red blood cell levels are well within where they should be. She is back to her normal levels of energy, and she is eating and drinking pretty normally, with fairly normal litterbox activities.

I also got a new job - it pays a little less than what I was making, which is a problem, but it will help.

We really appreciate everyone who has spread the word and helped us out! <3 Thank you so, so much.

7/24: One more update, since it’s somewhat relevant: I heard from my former manager, and will probably be getting brought back onto a different team. Diva just jumped around the bedroom and is staring at me judgmentally, which is perfectly reasonable, and her baby brothers are resting peacefully. One of the car problems has been fixed by my father-in-law, and we’re looking into the others. I’ve removed the mention of getting laid off and having car issues from the main post, because while it was true, hopefully, that’s going to be less of a concern. (Trying to tackle an additional hefty vet bill is still a problem, but at least some things are back under control.) For now, things are looking up. Hopefully that’ll continue.

12/23: Edited the main part of the post, because so far, Diva is continuing to improve, and I think it's safe to say that she's "out of the woods." I don't want anyone who looks at my profile/sees this post to think that she is doing worse than she currently is.

We've had to make some changes to her diet and add a monthly Solensia shot to her schedule, but those are things that may have been on the horizon, anyway. We still have no idea what caused the scare back in July, but we haven't had any recurrences yet, and while we're still paying off her vet bill, we have been able to make the monthly payments without issue at this time.

We had a massive scare a few days after I originally made this post - we were absolutely convinced that that was it, that we were saying goodbye. She'd improved after we got her home, but then massively declined; in hindsight, it was most likely a swell of adrenaline/relief/not being at the vet anymore, followed by her needing to rest up after that sudden expenditure of energy. But at the time, it definitely looked like a relapse, and we had already decided--after talking to our vet--that we would not put her through another transfusion so quickly.

She was fine. Her red blood cell count was still rising, and she was livelier than they'd seen her at the emergency vet. So even if things take a bad turn, we've gotten another 5 good months with her and counting. I'm hoping she makes it to 18. I'm hoping she makes it to 20. I'm hoping she makes it beyond. I am so, so glad to have at least had another 5 months with her, and that we were not trapped in a situation where we had to live with the knowledge that while there were avenues we could pursue, we could not afford to save her.

[goannafr]

My beautiful Terracotta, in my life from May 2021 - January 2025

Sweetheart we may not have had a whole lot of time together but I am honoured that I could give you your forever home. I never expected to own guinea pigs again but I'm so lucky that you came into my life. When I officially adopted you in September 2021, I promised that you'd stay with me for the rest of your life, and I promised to do my best by you and give you as good a life as I could.

I have never wanted you to go through any pain or suffering, and I am so, so sorry for all the vet visits you've had to endure over the last few months. Please believe me that I tried my best for you. We'd get you on track for a while and you'd have a week or two where you were back to your old self, giving me hope that we could get you better. And then the bladder infections would return with a vengeance. The vets and I had hoped that the bladder flush procedure we put you through would clear things up for good and provide you with much needed relief. You really struggled with your recovery, it took a week for you to start eating on your own again, and after that I knew I couldn't put you through any procedure like that again. You had two good weeks after the flush, and then 2 weeks ago you started going downhill again. You lost so much weight, your coat looked terrible, and although you seemed bright and happy enough I could tell you weren't comfortable. When I took you to the vet yesterday, she brought up that euthanasia may be the best option for you. Otherwise we could keep treating you with antibiotics and pain relief, but that would only be treating the symptoms, and not fixing the problem. I made the hardest decision pet owners must face, and decided to take you off that roller coaster of pain and misery. Rest easy, beautiful girl.

I want to remember you of course in your prime, when you were my biggest girl, with your beautiful thick orange fur that made you look like a regal little lion. You were such a sweet and gentle girl, and so quiet that you'd often blend into the background while your crazy cagemates took the spotlight with their antics.

While you were always my shy girl, I believe that you did trust me, since you nearly always let me pat you. You loved your gentle head strokes, during which you'd often close your eyes.

Your cagemate Tranquil absolutely adored you (even if that often translated to a lot of humping) and it's going to be so strange seeing her without you nearby. You'd often groom each other and it was the sweetest thing. I will always remember your special friendship. Of course Tranquil's daughter Hillary also adores you, you're like a second mum to her, and you were always so lovely to her. Thank you.

My love, it's not going to be the same without you. I'm completely heartbroken and haven't stopped crying since I said goodbye yesterday. You fell asleep in my arms and you'll be carried in my heart always. I love you so much Terri. Thank you for everything

[mx-piggy]

My third list of Palestinian users who have reached out to me via ask about their fundraisers. Will include some basic details. Campaigns that are drastically low on funds (i.e. below £1,000 or the equivalent, or below 1-5% of their goal) or have not received a donation in the past 24 hours have been highlighted in pink, but it is important to continue to donate to any campaign when they still haven't met their goal. If you would like me to dedicate a post to just your campaign, let me know via direct message, and we can converse there or on Telegram. Let me know of any mistakes in this post and I will be sure to correct them, or if any campaigns get vetted in the meantime, I will be sure to edit as needed if it is brought to my attention. Please share this post and these users' campaigns. I have tagged them so that you can go to their accounts and reblog their posts. I still have many asks to get through, so I will be making more posts like this. please check out my previous posts (linked below) for other fundraisers in need of support.

list one | list two

@zakariafamily | Muhammad and his family of 7 (seven) - vetted

Muhammad's daughter has suffered from brain damage that has made her unable to walk. Additionally, like many of Gaza's children, she is malnourished due to the scarcity of food. This campaign has only raised €532 and has not received donations in two days!! €532/€20K

@fadiafamily11 | Mohammed Rafiq Abdo and his children - vetted

Mohammed has five children, including Rayan (14), Ghazal (12), Dam (10), Rakan (8) and Mesk. Before October 7, Mohammed had a wedding hall, where he would coordinate events such as weddings, birthdays and graduation parties. He had a business where he sold bridal supplies and flowers. Their campaign has not received any donations in 9 days!! $8,330 CAD/$100K

@oday-alanqar1 | Oday Adnan Al-Anqar and his family - vetted

Oday's family is as follows: his father Adnan, his mother Sarah, his older sister Farah, his brother Abdullah, his brother Youssef, and his sister Rafif (5). Farah's husband's cousins were massacred during the war. Oday dreamed of studying law in the US, but due to high tuition fees, he ended up studying motion graphics instead. He got a job he loved with a design company, and opened an online clothing store, but the war put a hold on his business. €13,525/€50K

@hazam-suhail | Hazem Shawish and his family - vetted

Hazem's family and their ages are as follows: Islam (30), Hashem (31), Samer (29), Mohammad (35), Nisreen (37), Noor (36), Amal (12), Kenzy (17), Zoheer (19) Hazem's brother Samer suffers from bipolar disorder. The family ran a supermarket before the war, but it was destroyed. The family is without Hazem's father. €18,854/€50K

@abuzoor | the Abu Zour family - vetted

The family consists Mohammed, his three children, and his wife Dina (I believe that is her name, apologies if that is wrong!). Dina was pregnant, but tragically she lost the baby when she was six months along. This was no doubt a devastating blow to the family. Mohammed and his thirteen-year-old son were captured by the military and subjected to a month of traumatising torture. The family has only raised 4% of their goal!! €2,386/€60K

@sobhi-mahani | Sobhi and his family - vetted

Sobhi's family consists of his siblings and his mother. The campaign hasn't even reached 1% of its goal, and there hasn't been a donation in one day. So far, only 9 donations have been made. CHF195/CHF50K

@save-amal-family | Mohammed Hijazi and his family (I believe I have shared the campaign before, but I will share it again as it still needs funding!) - vetted

Mohammed and his elderly parents are displaced and living in a tent. His father has suffered a stroke, and his mother suffers from chronic diseases. €41,064/€80K

@hadiah1111 | Hadiah Jad Elhag and her family - vetted

Hadia has two children, Helena and Orhan. Hadia needs surgery because of stomach issues. Orhan has suffered from severe intestinal flu, which he got as a result of water pollution. €9,565/€50K

@yousefalyazjii1 | Youssef Alaa Al-Yazji and his family - vetted

Youssef is 27 and has a wife (Mona) and a son (Alaa) who is just one. Mona lost her father and brother in the war. Alaa has suffered from many skin infections because of poor conditions. kr70,313 SEK/kr200K

@maysarashaquro | Maisara Shaqoura - I can't find any vetting information about this campaign, so let me know if it is vetted

Maisara was born in 2003. He suffers from a heart condition that requires treatment. Maisara's older brother, Mahmoud, lives in Belgium, and started the campaign as he could no longer afford to pay for his brother's living and medical expenses. Maisara is alone in Gaza!

There have been no donations in 20 days! €38,544/€50K

@motazjad | Motaz Jad Al-Haq and his family - vetted

Motaz is married to Fedaa, and together they have three children: Mohammed (9), Omar (7), and Nima (4). Motaz is a nurse and Fedaa is a paediatrician, and they both volunteer at a local hospital, which they are not paid to do. kr127,097 SEK/kr250K

@youseffamily | Youssef Al-Habeel and his family - vetted

Youssef and his wife have a one-year-old son, Majd. Majd is suffering from a respiratory illness that is in urgent need of treatment but Gaza lacks the sufficient medical resources. €28,172/€30K

@ahlamramadan1 | Ahlam Ramadan and her family - vetted

Ahlam is 53 and has nine daughters and one son. Six of her daughters are married, and six of them are married. Her son is also married. She has 22 grandchildren. Ahlam has been suffering from kidney failure for eleven years and is in dire need of treatment. €4,621/€20K

[zzoomacroom]

Last Line Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @tj-dragonblade! 💗💗💗

I haven't had much time to write lately, and I'm having one of those "everything I write is cringe and I hate it" moments, but hopefully I'll get my groove back soon.

Last thing I wrote was for the next chapter of Rain Is Coming Down. I'm not really happy with how this scene is coming together, so I will most likely be making some big edits.

Context for what's going on in this snippet: Retired Dream is pregnant, and Hob is telling Death about the difficulties he and Morpheus have been facing while trying to find prenatal care. The character mentioned here, Eileithyia, is the Greek goddess of childbirth and midwifery, whom I have adopted as an OC because I decided actually there should be even more mythological figures who have beef with Morpheus.

In the end, the best candidate Hob managed to find had been a veterinarian with a discreet side practice treating human patients. When he had brought it up to Morpheus, well… if looks could kill and Hob could die, he’d have been reduced to a pile of ash on the spot. He’d almost made a joke about the vet being perfect for his angry cat of a husband, but he didn’t fancy sleeping on the sofa for the next decade, so he’d kept his mouth shut. “I suppose,” Morpheus had conceded through gritted teeth, “I would be willing to speak to Eileithyia. If there is truly no better option.” So it worked out brilliantly after all, and Hob couldn’t be prouder of Morpheus—the man’s held grudges for billions of years, so this is big. “Yeah, she’s been a life-saver,” Hob says. “If it weren’t for her, we would’ve had to go with one of my, er… underground contacts. And they’re all either glorified drug dealers or so-called ‘doctors’ with questionable credentials whose usual gigs involve extracting bullets from mobsters. And of course anything through the NHS is out of the question.” “Of course. Can’t have your secret getting out,” Death winks. “Too right,” Hob agrees before downing the last of his tea. It’s a relief talking to someone who understands. “Only it’s a bit frustrating; not like we can tell any of our friends the real reason we’ve got a midwife making house calls instead of going to an obstetrician like normal people living in the 21st century. Suze keeps trying to talk us out of having a home birth. I think now she thinks we’re just artsy-granola-hippie types. What was it she was asking you the other day, darling?” “She was impressing upon me the importance of vaccinating the baby,” Morpheus replies. “And reminding me that there is no shame in getting an epidural,” he adds with an endearingly perplexed frown.

No pressure tags: @ralkana @fleabagoftheendless @linzod @menthol-drops Not sure who has been tagged for this recently, so consider yourself tagged if you see this, and/or feel free to tag me on your post! ✨

[fbwzoo]

Do you have any tips on force feeding a baby bearded dragon critical care? I work at a pet store (I know) and we have a sick beardie. We brought her to the vet and she has a respiratory infection and was prescribed antibiotics. She Will NOT open her mouth. We tried using a blunt needle to get into her mouth but even then it's really difficult to get her mouth open and I do not want to damage her teeth... she also stopped eating for a bit. She would only drink water if we directly sprayed her or bathed her. We tried spraying her with very watered down critical care which worked but was less than ideal for a variety of reasons. She seems to have perked up a bit since we started doing that and began eating on her own, but seems to have declined again in the past 24 hours. She mostly just stays in the basking spot, very rarely moving. We have a variety of different foods in her tank if she chooses to eat. Her respiratory infection seems to be doing better but I'm worried it'll come back. We are giving her baths and spraying her down frequently throughout the day to keep her hydrated. We've been trying really hard to improve her health and she already has an owner that loves her dearly and visits nearly daily. We can take her back to the vet but they are just a general exotic vet and their experience lays more with small animals rather than reptiles and I'm positive they'd just prescribe more antibiotics. Do you have any suggestions of what we could try? Any foods that may be extra appetizing? We've done carnivore CC, mealworms, crickets, a variety of veggies, soaked shitty bearded dragon pelleted food, etc. When she was eating a little on her own she went for crickets and some leafy greens. But they don't seem to entice her now and I'm leary of leaving crickets in with a lethargic beardie. Sorry for the long ask I'm just super worried about her and want to see her improve.

I'm afraid I'm extremely new to any of this myself, so I'm not sure I can help much. We haven't even really tried to force our rescue yet, and won't unless the vet tells us we need to.

I would suggest joining https://www.facebook.com/groups/830707307371341/?ref=share&mibextid=I6gGtw

As that's the main beardie group I'm in that has very good info. They may have more suggestions for you to try!

I'm sorry you're dealing with that, it sounds like a very tough situation. :( I tried to save a baby beardie like 12 years ago when I worked at a pet store too. It's not an easy job when you do actually care about the animals. Good luck to you & the lil bub!