#we love when the gay people

[janetbrown711]

I Have a Couple Hundred Thoughts Running Through My Brain

Tang hasn't been doing well since his finals and his doctoral program applications went out, but agreed to go with Pigsy and his family + the kids to see the New Years Fireworks (even though he hates fireworks and is stressed out of his mind). Surely all will go as planned.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 8.5 Part 9 Part 10 Part 10.5 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Ao3 Link

Tang was the most normal anyone could have possibly ever been in the history of being normal.

He definitely wasn’t sweating through his damn scarf with anxiety as he wandered down to the lobby of his apartment complex four times an hour just to check if he’d been accepted into a doctorate program.

It had been a difficult month– so difficult in fact he actually pondered looking up actual study methods that weren’t just cramming– desperate times indeed.

His finals were a mess, but he managed to scrape by with mostly B+s and only one C, so that was good.

Good enough for grad programs though..?

Tang didn’t know, and he felt mortal terror every time he tried to figure that out.

But alas, that was not the only thing on his mind, because tonight was Lunar New Years, and he was going to meet Pigsy’s parents again, and therefore had to tear through his closet in an attempt to find something that would leave a… better impression than the last time they’d met.

Ugh, Tang still cringed at the memory of it all.

No matter– he was just going to do better this time– simple as that.

…Better was possible, it had to be. Tang could be better– after all, if Mr. and Mrs. Zhu already think he’s rude, then that means it can only go up from there… right?

…

Tang was going to die tonight.

With many breathing exercises, Tang selected the same scarf he always wore, plus the tang suit he had worn on his and Pigsy's official first date because– well– he’d like to say it was because it had some deep meaning, but really it was because it was the only one he owned. Besides, he looked… kinda nice in it. If he combed his hair right– which he would’ve normally but lost too many prongs the other day and the poor thing had to finally be put to rest.

Which meant he was sticking with wild hair tonight.

Yayyyy….

Tang looked himself over in the mirror and almost pondered not wearing his glasses so he wouldn’t have to confront the fact he looked like he hadn’t slept or eaten in three weeks (which he had-! Technically. Most days, anyways). He couldn’t though– he had made a promise to Pigsy and he was going to fulfill it to the best of his abilities dammit– especially after receiving such a cryptic text the other day…

Free Food <3 : When are you visiting the restaurant again?

(Tang) : Have 1 test 2mor so after new years

Free Food <3 : Oh ok

(Tang) : R u ok?

Free Food <3 : Tired.

(Tang) : Want 2 talk?

Free Food <3 : No. See you at new years.

(Tang) : c u @ New Years, <3 u

Free Food <3 : ❤️

It wasn’t helped that Pigsy didn’t stop by for the next three days, and that he messaged it on career day, which was something he’d dreaded. Shame it went poorly, but there was nothing Tang could do now except make this night marvelous and perfect.

Now was the time to relax and enjoy the festivals and all that– this was fine! It was going to be great!

…It was going to be great.

With a sigh, Tang shoved his phone, keys, and barely-not-empty wallet into his pants pocket and headed out of his apartment.

Immediately Tang was bombarded with the sounds of street music, firecrackers, and salesmen trying to give rat themed trinkets and bamboo to burn to any tourist or child who walked by, so naturally Tang just kept his eyes forward as he struggled his way further downtown.

He was stopped by about five dragon dances and three groups of children in rat ears running in front of him, but thankfully the scholar made his way to the subway and was able to jump over the turnstile without getting caught by guards and wait for his train in the overcrowded and absurdly humid underground tunnel.

People bumped into the scrawny scholar about seven times before his train to the upper east arrived and Tang scrambled for a seat to let his ankles rest while they could. There was more singing and loud music on the train, as there was a group with a ruan singing Gong Xi, which was normally fine enough, but Tang found them particularly loud tonight.

Still, after three stops Tang handed a couple yuan over and waved goodbye before heading straight to Pigsy’s place.

…Tang hated rich neighborhoods, it brought back memories he was trying to forget. Not to mention, he definitely didn’t belong, looking the way he did right now.

Deep breaths, Tang, deep breaths.

He was glad Pigsy’s apartment complex was a lot quieter on the inside than the outside, and while he didn’t love dealing with security, he was glad to be in the elevator and riding up in silence.

Be normal, Tang. You are going to be the most normal you have ever been, ever. Simple. Easy. Be normal.

The elevator dinged for Tang’s arrival and so after taking a few more deep breaths, he knocked on the door.

Be. Normal.

The door swung open alarmingly quick, and where his Pigsy should’ve been, a much, much taller–

Ah- yes.

“H-hello, Mr. Zhu,” Tang bowed a little, though didn’t know why and cringed at himself.

Pigsy’s father looked down on him before snorting and stepping aside.

“Haha, thank you– sir,” Tang smiled as he stepped inside, which was when he noticed that Mrs. Zhu was playing piano, with MK by her side singing songs.

“Didn’t bring anything?” Mr. Zhu startled the poor scholar, who practically tripped over himself.

“I-i– not this time– I-i brought the wine and lotus for the mid-autumn festival though-! This time money’s just been not happening because of school and really–”

“Pops, is that Tang?” Tang heard his savior call from the kitchen, and Tang took the opportunity to sprint away.

“Hey you– two-!” He said, regarding Mei standing over a pot of noodles and stirring with a wooden ladle, who smiled at him.

“Tang– it’s good to see you,” Pigsy hugged Tang before immediately letting go and inspecting his face. “What happened to you? You’re practically skin and bone!”

“Ahhh, you’re just exaggerating,” Tang tried to brush off.

“Your hair is– well, it certainly ain’t bad– but it’s different too,” Pigsy noted with a slight blush. “Are you okay? Have you been okay?”

“Y-yeah! What about you– you seem to have a lot going on for promising dinner would just be quick before we head out,” Tang looked around.

“Partly Ma’s fault– but I– well… I dunno, I thought maybe it’d been awhile since– bah, nevermind,” Pigsy shook his head and checked on some spring rolls.

“He missssed youuuuuuuuuuuuu,” Mei ‘whispered’, getting her a look from Pigsy that made her laugh more.

“I– yes. I’ve… missed you,” He half mumbled.

Tang laughed, “It’s okay, I missed you too,” he teased, making Pigsy blush harder as he really really checked on those spring rolls, making Mei laugh more.

Tang paused, looking at her, then at Pigsy, then at her again before shaking his head.

The girl was seven– she couldn’t– like– know. Heck– she probably didn’t even know gay people existed. He was being crazy when he needed to be normal.

Be. Normal.

“So… MK and your mom, huh? What’re they doing playing piano together?” Tang asked, taking a seat on a stool at the kitchen island.

“Ma was talkin’ all about how she and my Nana used to play and how I’d– uh– also play,” Pigsy clearly lied, much to Tang’s suspicion.

“Really?” The scholar decided to push.

“Ha, yep,” Pigsy moved on to checking on how Mei was doing with the noodles.

“What notes and fingerings are in the D Major Scale?” Tang asked, and the demon froze.

“I– uh… d-.... D?” Pigsy tried, and Tang laughed.

“You never played piano! What are you hiding from me?” He laughed.

“Nothing-! Er– nothing important, anyways, I don’t really– it’s not relevant– maybe some other time,” Pigsy waved that off and Mei jumped off her stepping stool to join Tang.

“He wouldn’t tell us either. Said he hadn’t been around a piano in years so no point in bringing ‘it’ up now since he was out of practice,” Mei informed the scholar.

“Interesting,” Tang stroked his chin just to tease his easily flustered partn–boyfr–

Shit– Did they have a label yet??? Or were they just “dating”? Has it been long enough? It had been five months– that felt kind of long. But was it enough….

“So… why’s MK interested?” Tang switched back the conversation to his original curiosity.

“Oh, well… I don’t know,” The chef scratched the back of his neck. “I think kid just likes the sound and feeling of pressing the keys, and of course Ma’ll take any opportunity to try and revive her piano teachin’ days.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Tang commented. “What about you Mei? You got any instrumental interests?”

“I can play the guqin, erhu, and a little bit of dizi,” Mei shrugged. “Wasn’t really my thing, but if I had to pick, guqin was the most interesting.”

“Ah– parents force you into lessons?” Tang pitied as the girl nodded. “It’s okay– my parents made me learn guqin when I was a kid, and guzheng when I was older.”

“Yeesh– I don’t think I could handle that many strings,” Mei shook her head.

“Oh trust me, I couldn’t either– that’s why they kicked me out of the orchestra,” Tang laughed. “I did always fancy the erhu though– you’re gonna have to give me tips one day.”

“Oh– okay!” Mei seemed pleasantly surprised by the suggestion, meaning Tang had won at least one conversation today (something normal to want and possible to achieve), meaning he could relax a bit.

Only a bit though, as Mr. Zhu walked in and went to the couch shortly after.

Pigsy noticed this and scoffed, “Don’t mind ‘im, he’s just here cuz Ma’s here.”

His father huffed in contempt before lighting a cigar that had been in his coat pocket.

Pigsy growled, but said nothing.

“Sooo… you excited for the fireworks, Mei?” Tang asked, successfully changing the rapidly declining energy in the room, as Mei rambled and rambled and rambled until Pigsy announced it was time and dinner was served.

And wowza– Tang thought he was going to pass out at the large swarms of food around him– everything from spring rolls to duck to dumplings to the yi mian looked amazing, which he of course expected from Pigsy but… yeah, wowza.

“Jiejie, your little guest looks like he’s going to faint,” Mrs. Zhu teased Tang as she grabbed herself some spring rolls.

“Ma, please,” Pigsy gave her a look.

“No, no– she’s right– this is– wow– it looks amazing sw– Pigsy,” Tang panic smiled.

“I– uh– thanks,” Pigsy blushed a little before clearing his throat, “Anyone want the yi mian?”

“I do!!” MK waved his hand excitedly.

“Too bad,” Pigsy winked and served himself some.

“Ah beans,” MK crossed his arms.

Tang laughed, “MK, it’s a lazy susan, just grab what’s in front of you.”

“Oh right yeah,” MK face palmed and scooped some rice for himself then Mei.

The second food was able to hit Tang’s lips, he just about melted into a puddle in his seat– right before his hunger kicked in and he started just about scarfing it all down.

Mrs. Zhu laughed at that again, this time asking, “Pigsy, are you sure this fellow of yours isn’t actually a pig demon?”

“M-ma!!” Pigsy exclaimed while Tang choked on his food.

“Oh! Right– that’s rude isn’t it? Hm,” His mother shook it off jovially while Pigsy patted Tang’s back.

“Fellow? What’s a fellow?” MK looked at Pigsy and Tang.

“Friend, MK. It just means friend,” Pigsy sighed as Tang regained composure.

“Oh right– my mistake,” Mrs. Zhu looked at Pigsy and Tang once over before shrugging to herself, sending a wave of panic down Tang.

Normal, Tang. Act normal, think normal, be normal.

Especially because Mr. Zhu is looking right at you ahahahahhaahahhaha—

Tang kept his eyes forward and ate at his best attempt of a normal pace to eat food (though certainly chugged a bit of the jiao wine).

Tang sighed a massive breath of relief when dinner finally came to an end, and Tang could excuse himself to the restroom, where he promptly stared at himself in the mirror.

“Okay Tang, you survived dinner,” He whispered to himself. “Now all you gotta do is survive fireworks. Easy peasy. Totally chill and normal and pbbt– whatever.”

Oh god, he was totally tipsy.

Well… it was better than completely drunk, so Tang would just have to roll with it.

“Tang? You–uh– alright in there?” Pigsy knocked on the door, causing Tang to jump and knock over some soap.

“I-i– yes! It’s fine! I’m fine! Thanks Pigsy,” Tang panicked to fix it before looking at himself in the mirror.

What a mess.

He cleaned his glasses, mumbling the whole time before seeing if that made him look any better and– yeah, nope. Nothing could save him now.

Welp. Here goes nothing.

He opened the door, greeted by a worried looking Pigsy, who examined him up and down.

“Are you okay?” He asked bluntly.

“Of course, Pigsy. Now c’mon– I don’t think I heard Mei say she wanted to see a lion dance,” He took Pigsy’s hand with zero hesitation and headed for the door.

“I– uh– okay,” Pigsy laughed but only a little.

“UGH– can we go now? I don’t wanna miss a lion danceeeee,” Mei complained.

“Told ya,” Tang snorted, stumbling a little.

“Right– everyone got coats?” Pigsy rolled his eyes with a smile. MK and Mei nodded, but that made Tang pause because he most certainly did not.

Tang thought perhaps Pigsy wouldn’t notice, but then MK loudly pointed out he didn’t and all eyes were on him.

“Tang– it’s new years, where’s your coat?” Pigsy looked around.

Mrs. Zhu tilted her head. “Do you not have one, dear?”

Mr. Zhu just looked at him.

“Ah– it’s fine, it’s all fine– I don’t need one– I am very resistant to cold actually,” Tang lied with the kind of confidence that could only arise with intoxication.

“Then why do you wear a scarf all the time?” MK tilted his head.

“That is purely a… fashion statement,” He lied again.

“Ah geez, I’d offer you one of mine, Tang, but uh… I don’t think they’d fit,” Pigsy scratched his neck.

“It’s fine, Pigsy, really,” He smiled at the demon.

“If you say so,” Pigsy looked him up and down again before shaking his head. “Let's roll out then.”

And roll out they did, right into the bustling and unreasonably loud streets of uppercrust Megapolis. Lights and lanterns and fire were decorating nearly every corner, as well as people selling flowers, jade souvenirs, and rat themed memorabilia, just as it had been on his way up, but these ones were even more overpriced.

“Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Can I get a rat plushie Pigsy? Can I? Can I? Can I?” Mei jumped up and down and pointed to a stall.

“I– uh–”

“Oh I’ll buy one for you dear,” Mrs. Zhu interrupted her son and suddenly she and Mei were off.

“Uh… okay,” Pigsy blinked. “You want anything MK?”

MK looked around and shrugged. “Call me when it's the year of the monkey.”

Tang laughed. “That won’t be for awhile, MK.”

“Ah beans,” MK crossed his arms and looked at the stuffed animals again before shaking his head again. “I’m fine. Don’t need one.”

“Alright, let me know if you change your mind,” Pigsy accepted and they waited for Mei, who returned with not only a plushie, but rat eats, stick on whiskers, a keychain, and two sparklers.

Something about that… struck Tang. He couldn’t say what or why, but there was now a void in his chest he hadn’t previously been aware of.

Normal, Tang. Be normal.

“Sooooo– anyone interested in seeing any–” Tang was interrupted by the deafening sound of teenagers lighting firecrackers on the street nearby, causing Tang to run his fingers against his scarf and wince.

“Ooo! I wanna light firecrackers!” MK shouted. “Can we get some of those Pigsy?”

“Yeah that’s gonna be a no,” Pigsy cringed and guided them closer to where a lion dance was getting started.

The kids seemed satisfied, but all Tang could think about was all of the loud instruments and cracking and screaming as it all started to just swirl in his brain. That, combined with the half-frozen rain beginning to fall, and a bad feeling in his stomach made for a rather unpleasant experience for the poor scholar. Not that he’d let anyone know this, of course– that’d be just beyond rude. And Tang wasn’t rude. He was pleasant. He was nice.

He was normal.

Besides, it was still fun to watch the truly admirable talent of the dancers as the tail ends would lift the heads to show the lion “standing on its hind legs” and then watch it jump from platform to platform, while moving in perfect sync. Heck– it brought back memories to when he had told his mother he wanted to be a lion dancer when he was older, but she had said–

…

Tang kept watching.

At one point, a bubble machine turned on and suddenly MK and Mei were both running around trying to pop them while also cheering on the dancers, and Tang just kind of looked around to see if there was anywhere to sit, as his ankle was starting to flare up. However, before he could get a chance, confetti poppers went off as the lions unfurled banners in their mouths calling for good fortune and for a prosperous new year, which made everyone clap and cheer. Tang wanted to pull his ears off, but clapped along nonetheless.

At least it meant the dance was over and MK and Mei arrived with fistfulls of confetti.

“Pigsy! Can I keep this?!” MK showed the confetti to his guardian.

“Kid, you aren’t gonna remember where you got that from in a week,” Pigsy shook his head, “it’s best to just toss it out.”

“Awww, but it’s so pretty! And it’ll just go in the trash!” MK whined.

“That’s the life of confetti for you,” Pigsy shrugged. “C’mon, the fireworks are gonna start soon and I want us to find a good spot.”

Finally sitting down, thank goodness.

“Oh-! But first…” Mrs. Zhu winked at the children before running off to another stall, making her husband roll his eyes.

MK blinked. “What’s she getting?”

Pigsy sighed, “Probably somethin’ nobody needs.”

Tang didn’t know if it’d be rude to agree but he sure wanted to with how much he was starting to get a headache and ankle ache and everything ache. But no, Tang was trying to make a good impression and just kept running his hands on his scarf over and over and over again.

He really wanted this night to end already.

Mrs. Zhu didn’t seem like she would return for awhile though, making Pigsy on edge while Tang tried rocking back and forth to see if it would relieve any of his anxiety or aches, but nothing was working which only caused it to increase while they all just stood there wishing they could be sitting down.

When Mrs. Zhu returned though, it was clear what took her so long– as she was holding two bouquets of chrysanthemums with either a little jade monkey and dragon attached and a little note card with fancy calligraphy.

“Ah– Ma, that’s… very kind,” Pigsy grimaced.

“Jiayi, you’re going to spoil them,” Mr. Zhu said his longest sentence of the night with a huff.

“Oh you hush now, Hangleng,” Mrs. Zhu waved him off and handed the bouquets to the children, leaving poor Mei struggling with all her merchandise.

Pigsy sighed. “Here Mei– I’ll carry some,” he offered, and the girl sloppily handed over literally everything except the unlit sparklers, which she noticed.

“Piggy, can we light these?” Mei asked.

Pigsy was clearly prepared for this, looking up in dramatic thought before suddenly sucking air through his teeth, “Sorry kiddo, but you need a lighter for those and I don’t have one on me.”

“Ah nuts,” Mei kicked the ground.

“Sorry kiddo, maybe next year you can use the dangerous sparklers,” Pigsy patted her back when suddenly Mr. Zhu reached into his pocket and brought out his lighter.

“Woah– really?” Mei’s face lit up, meanwhile Pigsy looked like he was going to kill his dad, to a still sort of tipsy Tang’s amusement.

Mr. Zhu just rolled his eyes and Mei took the lighter.

“Ack– here– how’s about I just–” Pigsy sighed in frustration over his own lack of hands.

“Here– hand it to me Mei,” Tang offered instead, which Pigsy still wasn’t loving but Mei handed it over and Tang flicked it on with ease.

One by one MK and Mei lit their sparklers, and the pair instantly became mesmerized.

“This is the coolest thing ever!” MK’s grin was so wide it looked like it might fall off his face, making Tang laugh.

“Just don’t touch it– it’s still fire,” Pigsy warned.

“Psssssshhhhhhhhhhh, I’m a dragon, I think I’ll be fine,” Mei proudly proclaimed, trying to draw a star with the light.

After that the two of them tried spelling their names and drawing animals, but mostly just drew scribbles while the adults tried to usher them to a designated firework watching area– though they were already starting to get rather full.

“Ah nuts!” Mei cursed as her sparkler went out and she immediately turned and ran to her guardian. “Piggy, can I get another one?”

“No.” Pigsy huffed, giving a look to his parents.

“Man,” Mei kicked rocks and MK did too as his also went out.

“Oh come on, Jiejie, it wouldn’t hurt them,” His mother disagreed, looking around.

“Ma, please don’t run off again,” Pigsy gave his mother a look.

“Don’t back talk your mother, Bajie,” His father fought back and alarms started ringing in Tang’s head.

“Ah– guys, maybe let’s just go sit down and–” Tang tried to intercede, but Mei interrupted him.

“Oh! oh! They’re selling fa gao! Pigsy can we–” Mei loudly proclaimed before MK interrupted her too and soon it was all just a hot mess of everyone talking at the same time except Tang who was standing around like a total dolt and was completely out of touch for where his role was supposed to be in the dynamic. It was like he could hear but couldn’t at the same time– especially as drums were blaring and kids were yelling and people were talking on microphones and–

An ear piercing whistling sound broke above all the noise though, interrupting Tang’s train of thought/panic until a loud pop arrived, with many crackling sounds afterwards– meaning the fireworks had started.

Great– great, great, great, great was all Tang could think as he suddenly started rocking back and forth as he pulled harder and harder on his scarf. It at least stopped the arguing (thank the great sage) but that didn’t stop the chills from running across Tang’s body and his burning desire to somehow get out of here– but he couldn’t because he was being normal, dammit.

“That’s what– ugh,” Pigsy rubbed his forehead, before turning to Tang and having to take a step back. “Woah there– are you– okay?” Pigsy immediately worried.

“What? No– no, I’m fine! Really, haha,” He lied, his hands moving faster as his eyes darted to the sky where another firework went off, causing him to cover his ears instinctively.

“Ma? Pops? Can you watch MK and Mei a second? Pigsy asked.

“What-?! No! I’m fine Pigsy! Y-you don’t– your parents are guests! Th-they should be–” Tang was going to protest more but more fireworks went off and he wanted nothing more than to shrivel up and die.

“We’ll watch them dear, you take him back home,” Mrs. Zhu patted her son's arm as Mr. Zhu looked Tang over for the fifty millionth time.

“Whaaaat? You’re leaving?” MK looked at Tang with childlike heartbreak.

“I-i– ah–” He tried to remove his hands from his ears, but another firework went off.

“C’mon Tang,” Pigsy tried to take his arm, but Tang snatched it away– before realizing that wasn’t normal and he was being a freaking weirdo right now and– he was supposed to be impressing Pigsy’s parents– why was he like this-? Why couldn’t he just–

Another boom had Tang nearly jump out of his own damn skin, which was followed by a bigger headache and more pain and confusion and Taang knew he needed to go home if he didn’t want to make a complete and total embarrassment out of himself.

He looked back at Pigsy, who didn’t know what to do– he even looked a little heartbroken, which only made Tang feel worse, but well– he needed his help– he was not going to make it through these crowds alone, that was for sure.

“Tang..?” Pigsy asked though, and Tang managed to focus on him– though his hands returned to running along his scarf.

“L-lets– uh– go home,” Tang managed to say, wincing as another firework was set off. Pigsy more carefully offered an arm this time, and Tang took it and clung to it like a lifeboat.

The pair didn’t talk, even as they got further and further from the group, as Pigsy just silently patted his arm whenever another firework went off or a gong crashed or any other sudden noise occurred. Tang felt like such a child for needing such comfort, but was thankful to have it anyways– he didn't deserve Pigsy sometimes.

When they arrived at Pigsy’s place, the bright lights made Tang hiss as he entered, and out of instinct he went straight to the bathroom, closing the door and turning off the light to just sit in the dark for a little bit, trying his best not to worry about Pigsy pacing just outside the door.

After a minute or so though, Pigsy knocked quietly.

“Y-y-yes?” Tang managed to talk despite feeling too exhausted for speech.

“Do you– uh… want tea or something? Pigsy asked.

“Yeah that sounds… nice,” Tang agreed and he heard Pigsy shuffle away and in and out of rooms.

Ugh, Tang was such a loser. What was this? A highschool party? He should’ve been over all this– whatever it was. He was an adult and doctoral program applicant. His parents said it was just nerves when he got like this– was this nerves? It was nerves, right? Nerves plus alcohol maybe. But nerves for sure.

It took about five minutes for Tang to realize his heart had stopped pounding and his thoughts were mostly normal– if far and few between– though that also made him realize he was exhausted.

Fun.

He remained in the bathroom for another five or so minutes before he decided it was time to emerge from the cold dark bathroom and back into reality.

When he opened the door he was surprised to find the lights were a lot dimmer than before– maybe Pigsy had one of those fancy dimmers right people houses could have.

Either way, what a relief.

It was also rather toasty, which was good because while the bathroom was refreshing, his sweat mixed with rain water made his clothes cling to him and he was absolutely freezing by now.

When he got to the kitchen, he saw Pigsy had taken off his own jacket and Tang suit, revealing just a thick white tank top that he wore under, making Tang blush as he stared for just a moment.

After a while he shook out of it and noticed the demon also had a thick fluffy blue robe laid over a stool along with a bottle of ibuprofen.

“Is… that for me?” Tang asked curiously.

“Oh-! I– uh– thought you might want to take off your shirt since it’s all– uh– wet and stuff– but only if you’re comfortable,” Pigsy confessed, which made Tang laugh a little.

“Thanks,” he smiled at Pigsy tiredly before going over to it and taking off his shirt (which had no tank top underneath) before instantly regretting it when he heard Pigsy make a worried noise.

“Ah– um– Sorry– it’s just– how well have you been eatin’ these three weeks? You’re– skinnier.” The chef apologized as Tang quickly put on the robe.

“Well it's– um–” Tang didn’t turn around, even after he was very wrapped up in the massive robe that was a borderline blanket on him.

Tang sighed. “It’s harder during finals because I don’t have time for surveys or whatever when I need to cram for exams.”

“Tang, you should’ve told me,” Pigsy said softly.

“I know, I know– I… know,” Tang fiddled with the robe’s belt. “It’s just… embarrassing, sometimes.”

“Yeah, I can get that. But still, I’m nothing if not your free food supplier, so you shouldn’t feel bad for asking– especially if you really do need it,” The demon pointed out as Tang took a seat at the island once more.

“You’re more than a food supplier Pigsy,” Tang defended himself.

“I didn’t mean it like that– I meant it more like ‘you can always ask’ kind of way– you know?” Pigsy’s face flushed.

“Yeah, I do,” Tang chuckled a little, making Pigsy blush more before he finally took in the sight of the human in his robe and laughed.

“That thing is swallowing you alive,” He said as the kettle started to squeal and he quickly turned it off.

“Ha– yeah,” Tang noticed it too. “It’s nice though– makes me feel all cozy,” he hugged himself a little for emphasis.

“Glad my size could be of service to you,” Pigsy joked, pouring hot water into two mugs.

“Oh please, your size is always serving me,” Tang wiggled his eyebrows, making Pigsy turn red as a tomato in seconds, making the scholar burst into laughter.

“You really do get flustered easily! That’s fun,” Tang laughed more as Pigsy rolled his eyes and looked through his tea selection.

“Yeah, yeah– what kind do you want?” He asked, clearly trying not to think about the comment.

“Oolong.”

“Smart,” Pigsy winked and pulled out two bags and promptly began brewing them.

Silence filled the kitchen, and Tang was left back with his more… uncomfortable thoughts.

“Do you… think your parents like me?”

Wow Tang, really smooth. What a question. You are the king of self confidence.

“I think I’ve certainly dated far worse people,” Pigsy snorted, before adding– “not that I’ve told them we’re dating, of course.”

“Right, yes,” Tang laughed a little, though tension still didn’t leave his shoulders and he rubbed the robe belt between two fingers.

Pigsy looked at him and brought the mug over. “Does their opinion matter to you?”

“I– well– this sounds really stupid, but all day the only thing I’ve been really thinking about is impressing your parents but right now everything is just such a mess– especially back at my place– so I–” Tang sighed. “Yes. It matters a lot.”

“Oh…” Pigsy half-whispered as he sat next to him on a stool. “I… they do like you, I’m sure of that much– Pop’s is just like that around everyone.”

“Oh I can believe that,” Tang joked and took a sip of tea, embracing the warmth as it traveled through his body.

“Yeah, and Ma– well… she just kinda says things a lot and I’m pretty sure she only ever means twenty percent,” Pigsy shrugged and took a sip too.

“Better than a mom who rarely talks at all,” Tang shrugged.

“Yeah, probably,” The chef agreed.

Tang listened a bit more to the distant sound of fireworks and crowds cheering below as he took another long sip of tea.

“I’m sorry for acting so weird today. I swear it was just because I wanted to impress your parents– no other reason,” He said, eyeing the ibuprofen.

“Yeah, no, I get it,” Pigsy smiled softly. “Plus I get weird around lights and sounds sometimes too. Heck– my ma used to complain about how I wouldn’t like particular blankets or pants because I said they “felt yucky” – whatever that means,” he snorted.

Tang laughed too. “Yeah– I’m normally better though, but I guess today– holidays like this in general, too– are just… difficult sometimes.”

“Yeah, maybe next year we’ll just stay inside,” Pigsy suggested.

“Next year?” Tang blinked.

That made the chef sit a little straighter. “What? Do you think you won’t want to be here next year or–”

“Oh– heavens no-! I just mean– I– you’d want me here next year?” Tang quickly clarified.

“Of course– Tang, I want you to visit every year,” Pigsy placed a hand on Tang’s shoulder, stroking it with his thumb.

“O-oh– then– yeah, that’d be nice,” it was now Tang’s turn to blush a deep shade of red and he quickly went back to his tea, which he swore felt like was healing every fiber of his being.

“...Tang?” Pigsy asked, tapping his fingers against his mug.

“Yes?”

“Do… do you like dating and being with… me?” Pigsy asked quietly.

“Of course I do! I love every second being with you– you’re so wonderful and brave and strong and handsome and– heavens, I’m rambling,” Tang caught himself as Pigsy chuckled.

“Good, I was just– wondering,” The demon looked away.

“Why?”

“You… I dunno, you seem to think you won’t be around here long,” Pigsy shrugged.

“Oh– I didn’t mean it like that– I just–...”

“...You just what?”

‘I just don’t know what the heck we are yet.’

Tang drank more of his tea before glancing at Pigsy, who was looking back at him worriedly.

With a deep breath, Tang mustered all of the courage inside himself to ask– “Are we… like… boyfriends?”

“What? Of course,” Pigsy blinked. “Did… we not agree on that before?”

Tang blinked before bursting into laughter, almost spilling his tea as he did.

“Oh heavens me– here I’ve been all worried about if you wanted to be ‘official’ and here you are already thinking we are,” the scholar had to hold his sides.

“Fuck– we really didn’t say that then, did we,” Pigsy was deeply embarrassed. “Man, I’m sorry– I have no idea where I got that from.”

“No-! No, it’s fine, really,” Tang assured with a big smile. “I just– it’s funny now that it’s in retrospect.”

“Ah, that’s good,” Pigsy relaxed and laughed a little too. “Had me scared there for a second too.”

“Now we’re even,” Tang grinned as he took another sip.

“That’s for sure,” The demon laughed a bit more.

Tang smiled at the sentiment for only a minute, before something else crawled to the forefront of his mind.

"Pigsy–” Tang blurted, instantly getting the chef’s attention.

Fuck– he hadn’t meant to actually get his attention, but now…

“Do you think I’m… normal?”

"What… do you mean?" Pigsy tilted his head a little.

"I-i… I don't know," Tang looked down at his half empty mug. "Sometimes I just– I feel like somethings wrong with me but I can't say what or why or how– it's like I can't help it…"

"Tang, I don't think anything's wrong with you," Pigsy reached his hand towards the scholar.

Tang winced a little. “I… thanks, but… I don’t know,” he sighed.

Pigsy chewed on his lip a bit before sighing. “Look, even if you aren’t “normal”, that doesn’t make you less than, you know? You’re every bit a person as anyone else, and anyone’d be lucky to have you in their life,” Pigsy’s hand inched closer.

“Like my parents?” Tang muttered.

“Like Me n’ MK n’ Mei, Tang,” Pigsy finally touched Tang’s hand.

“I-i don’t know– I’m not really– like– you’re a total natural at this parent thing, you know that?” Tang tried to brush off.

“Tang, the kids are lucky to have you in their lives. It’s good for them to have a human in their life that’s a bit odd– it’s healthy,” Pigsy insisted.

“I… guess,” Tang shrugged. “I just– I’m not– I wish things were just… easier, sometimes. Like– even doing things like talking or looking people in the eyes– it’s al stupid difficult and it isn’t for most people and I just–” Tang took a breath.

“I just wish I could be normal so that your parents would like me and I wouldn’t feel like a dolt around the kids so often and even around you sometimes,” He sort of chuckled, but it was more out of anxiety than anything.

“But that’s what makes you you, Tang, and I wouldn’t change that for the world,” Pigsy gave his hand a squeeze.

Tang squeezed right back, but didn’t say anything, drinking more tea with his free hand.

Another thought.

“What if one day, I– I just– what if it’s too much? What if even you don’t wanna deal with it– what if I-i just end up driving you crazy? What then?” Tang’s voice cracked.

“That won’t happen, Tang.”

“You don’t know that,” He let go of Pigsy’s hand.

He seemed to successfully corner Pigsy at that for a moment, as the chef went quiet in contemplation while Tang waited to see what he’d say next (if anything at all).

Probably not. Tang usually ruined these kinds of things– mostly unintentionally. Great.

“Tang, I’m not normal. You realize that?” The chef suddenly asked.

“I– what?” Tang was set back.

“Tang, I’m literally a demon.”

“I– yeah, but–”

“No ‘but’s. If you’re weird, I’m weird,” He argued. “And weirdos like us belong together.”

Tang looked at Pigsy, taking in his soft expression before kissing his cheek, which Pigsy responded to by kissing him on the lips, which Tang responded by hugging him tight, which startled the demon.

Pigsy didn’t say anything though, stroking his back in a soothing rhythm as Tang felt himself begin to melt in his arms.

Pigsy always felt so safe– Tang didn’t know why he tended to hesitate. He loved him– he loved him deeply.

He wanted to stay like this forever.

“Pigsy, I don’t want to go home,” Tang confessed.

“You don’t have to,” Pigsy instantly assured.

Tang kissed him again.

“I want to stay here tonight, Pigsy,” Tang repeated.

“Okay,” Pigsy kissed him again.

“Can I..?” Tang asked and it was then the chef’s face lit with recognition.

“O-of course-! If you–uh– want to,” Pigsy cleared his throat a bit.

Tang laughed a little, kissing him once more and trying to get off the stool, only to be instantly reminded of how much his legs– more specifically his ankles– hurt.

“Ah– are you okay?” Pigsy backed up.

“I’m fine, just my stupid weak ankles,” Tang shrugged.

“Well we can’t have that now can we,” Pigsy got an idea and smirked.

“What are you– oh my–!” Tang exclaimed as Pigsy suddenly scooped him up.

“I don't want you on your feet more than necessary. Lying on your back is more relaxing,” Pigsy explained himself, moving towards his room.

“Oh?” Tang smirked with a raised eyebrow.

Pigsy smirked right back before kissing him and carefully opening his door with one hand, and the pair continued to kiss until Pigsy kicked the door shut carefully with his foot and even long, long after that.

What a night.

[napping-sapphic]

I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay

[kupraissad]

made this the day ofmd's last two episodes came out

[dailyserirei]

old.

[tippenfunkaport]

That viral post that's going around about how people who write "book quality" mlm fic are too "normal" to publish and have real jobs so only "weird" people publish their "shitty" fanfic is so completely out of touch with reality and I am giving a massive side eye to everyone reblogging it.

Not only is it completely, easily verifiably untrue (you cannot enter any professional writing space without tripping over a dozen grizzled scifi writers who got their start by filing off the serial numbers and publishing their Star Trek fanfic even going back decades ago??? it's a whole thing?? plus how can you look at the mlm category on Amazon right now and say with a straight face that people aren't publishing shitty Spirk and Stucky fanfic??? Oh, honey...) it's also the perfect example of this kind of sneering elitism that true artists would never sully themselves by seeking profit, they do it only for the purity of the thing that always somehow leads back to, "no one should be paid to make art, actually."

The only reason you're seeing more published fanfic right now has nothing to do with the idealistic purity of your hypothetical government employee written smut of the past vs the debased scribbles of those awful straights of today and everything to do with the fact that a) self-publishing has created a voracious readership that wants a ton of content so it's become a viable, flexible income stream for many, especially disabled people b) anyone can publish now with self-publishing tools so there are less gatekeepers and c) lockdown got a lot of people into fandom and therefore writing who never tried it before.

And if you really think there's no "shitty" published mlm and no "book-quality" m/f writing out there that started as fanfic, then you are clearly not a reader so why are you even talking about this?

[robintherobiner]

I propose to you, the core four being poly but Tim is the last person to realise.

Dick, visiting Tim at the tower: Hey buddy! You got something you wanna tell me? Tim, laying on the couch with his head in Kon's lap as he reads case files: No, why?

Wally:

Tim:

Wally: Why did my Uncle's Grandson just kiss you goodnight?

Tim: Don't shame him, he's adjusting to being in the past.

Diana: When did you and Cassie get together?

Tim, ever oblivious: Like, three years ago. You were there when we formed Young Just Us, weren't you?

Tim, venting to Stephanie: And like, that year was so hard because two of my best friends died! Weirdly enough, their deaths were way harder than like, anyone else's. I mean, I tried to clone Kon for some reason! Stephanie: God, I can't believe we ever dated, you're so stupid.

Damian: Drake, I have been informed that it is customary to wish queer people a happy pride month.

Tim: I mean, yeah. Why you telling me though?

Damian: In order to repair our relationship, I did some research and according to Father, you are bisexual and polyamorous. Therefor, I wish you a happy pride.

Damian: Drake? Why does your face look more ugly than usual?

Tim, reevaluating his entire life: OH MY GOD-

[lazylittledragon]

i'm going to scream i got accused of being a transmisogynist by someone on twitter because of this specific part of my t4t steddie art

[azure-clockwork]

I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes

[fionacreates]

Harriet and Emma

Reading queer things into Jane Austen. Emma the demisexual.

The aces, they up in everyone else's love life and totally uninterested in their own.

Painting reference by Angelica Kaufmann (1741–1807) - The Artist in the Character of Design Listening to the Inspiration of Poetry 

[corpsentry]

eulogy

[virgothozul]

Ok. I have listened to the people. I have watched the thing. It is very wholesome.

Kazu comes home. He is hopeless and tipsy. And he swings between excited and wasted.

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

[aprillikesthings]

There is something deeply funny to me about the fact that, of people who pray the rosary (at least in the United States); the Catholics tend to be super conservative, and the Episcopalians/Anglicans tend to be gay.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

[erlkink-heatcliff]

whose this bloke

[fumifooms]

I’ve been seeing a lot of people shit on straight couples in shipping and in general as a "joke" lately, particularly in the Dungeon Meshi fandom. Friendly reminder that, besides the evil straights, when you mock or put down straight couples for being straight/"not queer enough", you also make bi and pan people, and trans and ace people who experience hetero attraction feel unwelcome and lesser. Negativity hurts, love is love, happy valentine’s!