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fieldofdaisiies · 2 days

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Whisper of the Forgotten | pt. 8

pairing: azriel x reader | type: angst | words: 2,6k words | warnings: none | masterlist

Azriel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. For so long, it makes you wonder if he will ever give you an answer. You watch how his throat bobs when he swallows, his eyes closing. You watch his chest lift with deep inhales.

“I am aware that this is exactly what I deserve for hurting you so much.”

Your eyes close, the back of your mouth aching.

“I broke the bond without even knowing it. I ruined the one thing I had been hoping for for so long, and I lost the person I loved most through my actions.”

He falls silent after this, and you can visibly make out how his heart breaks even more, cracks open completely and tears dwell in his eyes. Hd is a broken male, that is for sure, the actions of his past haunting him just like what has been done to him in his childhood.

“It is still there,” you find yourself saying after a moment of dense quietness. You can’t stand it anymore. “The bond has not completely vanished, I can still feel the pull.”

You find it hard to look at him, not wanting to see his expression, how torn he looks, how much this revelation broke him.

Azriel slowly starts to shake his head, his hand sliding over his chest, right above his heart, then he drops it.

“You can reject it.” Azriel’s voice is thick with emotion. “I want you to reject it. I can’t bind you to me, Y/N. I can’t force you to be bound to the person that hurt you so much, to make you stay with me–”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Azriel.” Now you lift your chin and meet his gaze. “This is my decision, and if I want to give it a chance, us a chance, again…” Your voice breaks the moment a sob crashes into it, and you start to cry again, lowering your face to your arm, crying silent tears into your skin. “Forgiveness is so hard, forgetting even harder and I know that I will never manage to do the latter, but I want to give us time. I want to give us a chance, to get to know each other again and to find forgiveness.”

You wipe your tears away on your arm, pushing up on your elbow so you can look at him. “I now know your reasons and even though they don’t remove the trauma or the pain they caused me. But I now at least have answers to my century-long questions – to why you hurt me, why you had to do everything you did.”

“I was the biggest asshole to not tell you earlier, to not come to the Prison and just explain. I was a coward.”

“You were,” you honestly answer, but your eyes close. “But I also know that I probably wouldn’t have listened. I would have been too wrapped up in my anger and hurt to listen or understand.”

Azriel’s eyes close again. “I was still a coward, a massive asshole, and don’t deserve you.”

“This is not about deserving each other, Azriel,” you softly whisper. “This is about healing, growth and moving on, about learning to forgive.”

You pause, trying to calm your heart that starts to beat a little faster with deep breaths. “I am not sure if I can ever forgive you, Azriel. If my heart will ever allow me to do so, but I am glad we talked. It was important for us to do so.”

“It was,” Azriel agrees, voice tinged with sadness. He tips his head back and looks at the ceiling. You follow his line of sight, only staring into the darkness and his shadows floating atop both of you.

“What were you afraid to find?”

Azriel is calm, then turns his head again, looking at you. You feel his gaze, sharp and piercing. “I don’t understand.”

“You said you were afraid to go see me, that you were a coward. What were you afraid of to find?”

A cold huff leaves him and then he brings his hand up, wiping it down his face. “I was afraid to find exactly what I saw in your eyes when I opened the cell door - hurt and betrayal. I hurt you so much, and I knew I would find it in those eyes that I once fell in love with.” He swallows thickly. “But I was also afraid I would be at a loss of words. That I would never be able to find the right words to talk to you. I betrayed you, hurt you so much and I knew you would never forgive me.”

You hum in understanding.

“We needed you for help, but it was the perfect reason for me to get you out. I was forced to do so, forced to no longer be such a fucking coward. I had to go, and I wanted nothing more than to do it. There was no way back anymore. I was forced to go, and finally grew some balls to do so.” He shakes his head. “I knew what I would find there. I knew you would hate me, but I knew it was finally time for us to meet again. I had the Harp and I couldn’t wait any longer. There was a way to free you, a chance I had to take and finally could do so.”

You loose a long breath and close your eyes. You shift a little on the bed, then turn to your side and rest your head on the pillow. “I will stay here tonight if that is alright.”

You need to seal your broken heart, comfort your soul, and even if there might be no future for the two of you, this is one step into the right direction of healing.

“Always,” Azriel whispers, and you feel the bed dip, and him move. Carefully, he is tugging his blanket over you, he is still lying atop. “You want me to move to the couch.”

“No, it’s alright.” You are tired, exhausted, the conversation and the day has drained you. You only want to sleep, exhaustion nearing in waves that slowly start to drown you. Your lids are so heavy, you can’t force them open any longer. You only want to sleep.

You tug at the blanket, signalling Azriel to slide beneath it. His closeness used to worry you, not that much anymore, knowing he won’t hurt you here. Won’t hurt you again, now that you have seen his remorse, scented his regret.

It will be alright, you know it.

He follows your request, and then lies down beside you, not touching you. Moments pass, moments full of deafening silence where you, despite your tiredness, can’t fall asleep. His presence doesn’t irritate you, he closeness doesn’t bother you (anymore) but it still feel strange lying here with him. Sleeping in the same bed as him after centuries of distance.

“Did you plan on how you would kill me once you get free?” Azriel then whispers and you feel something stroke over your exposed shoulder. It isn’t Azriel, but rather his shadows.

A huff leaves you. “Every day and in very much detail how I would go about it.”

He doesn’t smile in response, he only looks at you, watches you closely until he says, “I thought so.”

You don’t answer him, only curl your fingers around the blanket, hoping to just drift off into a dreamless sleep. But Azriel has different plans. He shifts on the bed, somehow uncomfortable, and then says into the darkness.

“I wasn’t only scared of what I would find, I was also ashamed.” He clears his throat. “I couldn’t look you in the eyes, I couldn’t even look myself in the eyes nor my brothers. I had no idea how to tell anyone, how to explain what I had done. I was a fucking coward and ashamed of the measures I took.”

“You were scared, Azriel,” you whisper. “And fear lets us do unspeakable things.”

Night and sleep falls upon you a moment after, a light comfort hovering above your hearts that makes you eventually fall asleep.

───── ⋆⋅ ☽☾ ⋅⋆ ─────

You slip out of his room before Azriel or anyone else in the House of Wind wakes up. You don’t want to face Azriel, not in the mood to talk to him and unsure of what to say to him.

In addition, you also don’t want to face Nesta or Cassian, not wanting to have to explain to them that you just talked and nothing happened. They would probably read more into it, and maybe even find hope. Hope you don’t want to give them.

Once back in your room, you take a long moment to think, sitting down on your windowsill, leaning your forehead against the cool window, staring outside, over the still dark city, slowly waking up.

Many thoughts cloud your mind, and despite Azriel always being in the foreground, you know that opening the box, defeating Koschei and getting your powers back is more important. You need your amulet back and you would go through hell for it. You will demand it back that day, that is clear. They have to give it to you. Then you will open the box and form a plan on how to go forward. How you will fight against Koschei, who you have to ready. And how you can start a new life in the place you were born.

You have often found yourself wondering what the Middle has turned into, what it looks like now, after centuries. You can’t wait to go back there. You haved lived there for a long time before the Wilde Hunt led you north and you ended up in the Night Court.

The Wild Hunt.

It has been on your mind a lot lately. They…have been. You could rally them again, reform your group, lead them, maybe alongside the Valkyries…and fight alongside them, once again reunited, as one.

───── ⋆⋅ ☽☾ ⋅⋆ ─────

“So, using this spell we can open it. Our hands need to be connected, Nesta, in the other hand you will be holding Ataraxia.” You pause so they can all process the information you have just provided them with.

Azriel said nothing to you, nor to Cassian or Nesta when he entered the kitchen in the morning. He only looked at you, then dipped his chin and smiled slightly. You returned this gesture.

You also haven’t spoken during breakfast, and not until you found yourself gathered around the desk in Rhysand’s office.

“But I need my amulet back for this. I need my powers.” You lift your gaze and look at Rhys first, then at Azriel. “I want it back now. I have proven my loyalty, I agreed to help you and you should know by now that I won’t harm you. It is the least you could do.”

“How do we know you won’t just run off? Or blow everything up the moment—”

Your palm slams down on the wooden table, making it groan with the impact of your loud slap. “Because I have proven my loyalty!” you growl and spin around to Amren. “Why should I do that? Do you also deem me such a cruel, sadistic monster that everyone thinks I am?”

You walk up to her until you are in her face. “You have been in Prison as well and yet they trust. What if you go berserk in this city?”

“Give her the amulet back, Rhys!“ Amren snaps and steps backwards.

But the High Lord hesitates.

“No, Rhys. She is right. And she has a right to her possessions.”

Slowly, Rhysand nods and then tips his head at Azriel, momentarily holding eye-contact with the shadowsinger and you know he is talking to him mind-to-mind. The shadowsinger bows his head in return and walks backwards a few steps before slipping out of the room.

Your gaze has been locked on him the whole time. And now that he is gone and you know you will get your amulet back, your heart is beating in your throat, anticipation rising. Your heirloom will finally be yours again, and your powers will return in full force. You need your amulet to channel them, it is similar to the siphons the Illyrians wear.

You feels how your palms turn a little clammy, and inhale a few deep breaths, hoping to calm yourself as much as needed. But the idea of finally being fully yourself again, excites you too much for that to be possible.

“Why do you need Nes for that? Can’t you do it alone?” Cassian‘s low rumble disturbs your day-dreaming about your powers and you whip your head into his direction.

“Because your mate has more power blazing through her veins than you could ever imagine, Cassian.” You smile at the female in question and then turn back to her mate. “And exactly that sort of power in connection with her sword is needed. I need someone that powerful on my side to fulfill—”

“Rhys is the most powerful High Lord,” Cassian cuts in, and you laugh.

“He might be. But his power is useless here. A different kind of power is needed, one that can only be found in people like us.” You tip your chin at Nesta and then at Amren. “Like calls to like, and that is why we need to combine our strengths.”

Cassian huffs, but a bright smile lights up the Valkyrie‘s face, a hint of pride shimmering in her eyes and when she meets her mate’s gaze, his eyes take on a similar glow.

You want to add that he should indeed be proud, but you get no chance to do so. Azriel returns right in this moment, the amulet dangling from his scarred hand.

You watch how his chest heaves with a deep intake of air. Then he moves closer. “Do you want someone else to put it back on?”

You give your head a shake and then huff. “You were the one to take it off, Azriel, you need to put it back on.” You hold his gaze as he moves closer, step by step.

You can see the whirlwind in his eyes, and how hard he is clenching his jaw. “Can you lift your—nevermind, please turn around.”

You are sure the room is holding its breath just like every person within it, you included. His scarred fingertips touch your shoulders first, brushing away your hair. “Can you lift them up please?”

You do as told and slowly, his hands reach around you. The amulet is cool at first but once it is flush with your skin it starts to buzz, humming with power. Your face lights up, and vibrations flow through your veins, making your fingertips feel tingly — the amulet is back and your powers have reached it peeked again. Of course, you need to train to be able to really use them again but the first step is accomplished.

Azriel’s hands are still on you when you turn back to him and lovk eyes with him again.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

“Not for that,” he mumbles. “Don’t thank me for returning what always belonged to you.” His hand lifts and he brushes his hand over your head. “You look beautiful.”

Your breath catches and yoh know that despite hating it and trying so hard to fight against it, your love for him is starting to burn again, and forgiveness is truly an option already.

You don’t want to let this happen. Can’t let it happen. Not yet at least.

You quickly step back. “Let’s open that damn box, shall we?”

general tags (crossed-out I couldn't tag) : @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbabyg @aroseinvelaris @moony-thoughts @wrensical003 @cherryjain17 @moonfawnx @crushedcloudsx @devilsfoodcake22 @valeridarkness @azrielscertifiedslut @mulansaucey @cynicalpotato95 @hanasakr @high-bi-andreadytocry @eerievixen @feyretopia @moonlightazriel @randomness-it-is @brekkershadowsinger @eliieee23 @girasoli-e-sorrisi @illyrianvalkyriecarynthian @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @theworthlessqueen @marina468 @topaz125 @illyrian-dreamer @azriels-mate123 @eos-princess @courtofjurdan @a-frog-with-a-laptop @insufferablebookaddict @azrielsmate2 @callmeblaire @lilah-asteria @berryzxx

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #acotar x reader #acotar #azriel

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highdio · 24 hours

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Pleeease, write your thoughts about the musical lol. I really like your Dio meta posts <3

Just a disclaimer: this is really opinionated but I don't like to drag media for its own sake. There were lots of things to like in the Phantom Blood musical, just ... Dio wasn't one of them. Also, Mamoru Miyano threw himself into the performance he was asked for, so it's hardly his fault. It's just always amazing to me that people feel the need to rewrite Dio into someone else when the way Araki's written him is already perfect, complete and a lot of fun.

So, where to start? Basically, the Phantom Blood musical re-writes Dio, giving him a different personality and different motivations through OOC stage direction along with a bunch of original dialog and scenes. What results is a version of Phantom Blood where "Dio" is just a normal guy without charisma who had a bad childhood and spends most of the story being miserable. Dio as he's written in canon has an uncommon charisma and appeal that's allowed him to remain relevant as one of those 'all-time great' villains. Scene after scene in the musical prove that its creative team either didn't read the manga or just really didn't like Dio.

fwiw Araki wrote Dio as thoroughly fleshed-out, with consistent traits and behaviors and consistent motivations behind his actions. He also left a paper trail of interviews and author's commentaries that develop Dio even more fully beyond the manga. So there's really no excuse for media that treat Dio as some sort of empty vessel waiting to be filled by narrative cliches we already know and expect.

It's annoying too, because, along with its OOC content, the musical is peppered with occasional manga-consistent moments. It's like the musical is camouflaging its Very Bad Take on Dio by having Mamoru Miyano periodically re-enact the canon character's most famous panels. The musical wants simultaneously to take credit for bringing Araki's vision to life on the stage, while at the same time completely undermining its most important element: a capital V "Villain" who, according to Araki, "accepts and embraces his evil nature, and follows his dark path without hesitation." This is the biggest change the musical makes to Dio: musical!Dio has none of the confidence that allows canon Dio him to move so decisively and destructively through the narrative.

Musical Dio is introduced by a scene where he's bullied on his way home, before breaking into a song about how terrible his life is, where "everything is always taken from [him]" ("it's hell …I feel nauseated …[I'm] under a cloudy sky.") The song is alternately tearful and hopeful. "I'm going crazy from being robbed!" he laments and then pollyannaishly muses, "hey, Joestar, can you turn my [cloudy] skies to blue?"

If Dio being introduced as a sad sap and self-described perennial loser hoping for any break sounds attitudinally unfamiliar that's because it is. Araki went in the opposite direction: he started his story by subverting the cliche - wide-eyed poor boy victimized by circumstance leaves his sorrow-filled life hoping for a new start - and instead gave us a kid with surprising, even sinister agency. Dio is not just given a hero's upward narrative arc (something Araki crafted very deliberately), he's introduced improbably in his first scene from a position of control. This fact is important because in the manga it's a position he won't lose until four chapters and nearly 100 pages in, when Jonathan finally fights back. From the time young Dio is introduced - reading a book with his back turned to his bed-ridden father who he's secretly poisoning -

- to the time he's systematically broken down his adoptive brother's spirit by alienating him from his friends, taking Erina's first kiss, and of course kicking his dog, Dio is shown as being in control and on top (Erina drinking the muddy water is the only exception). It's OOC to imagine 12-year old Dio feeling sorry for himself because at the time he's introduced, he's already made a habit of getting what he wants. By the time he sets off for the Joestars after killing his first dad, he's already developed full confidence in his abilities and the inevitability of his rise to riches (something Araki has him explicitly state and then underscores with a panel illustration of a steam train signaling the rise of Modernity).

But the writers and director of the musical don't find this characterization interesting enough or something. So they lose the canon entirely and in its place they invent a version of Dio who's despondent. And they didn't get Araki's steam train memo so they miss the Modernity theme (even though Araki's tied Dio so tightly conceptually to the idea of the Modern that he has him "use a 20th century boxing technique in the 19th century"); instead they double down on class difference being determinative. It never occurs to them that Dio is written specifically by Araki with the freedom to move outside of his social status because he sees it as artificial (the "evil elite" monologue later reveals Dio thinks of the whole social contract thing is arbitrary and voluntary).

Throughout the musical, Dio (although it's not fair to Mamoru Miyano since he isn't responsible for writing this mess, let's use mamoDio from now on because it's easier) seems to idolize the Joestars for what he calls their "beautiful blood." Not "beautiful" because usable calories for the vampire he will become but "beautiful" because noble. The Joestars' noble status and the honor that's apparently behind that status become the shining "star" toward which mud-bound mamoDio flailingly, failingly reaches. I don't need to tell you that in canon Dio doesn't have respect for nobility.

"Mud and stars" is heavy-handedly introduced as a dominant theme of the musical. According to the play, Jonathan, noble and bright, looks to the stars while human Dio, pathetic, conflicted and even confused, can only see life as a mud-soaked prison.

Now, the mud and stars thing was only used in Part 1 as a single text element on a Volume 1 illustration but, in spite of its marginality, it's becomes a liturgical text for some fans looking for an explanation for Dio's actions beyond what Araki gives them in the actual narrative. To this sort of fan, a guy who embraces his inner talent for evil and never had the misfortune of developing a moral compass isn't the right type of villain because he's unapologetic. If the villain doesn't have excuses how can you apologize for him? So they need Dio and by extension Araki to give them a "good enough" reason to accept Dio's ever-escalating atrocities. If the reasons Dio has for doing the things he does lie outside of what's considered good or acceptable, they are simply rejected and new reasons are invented in the hope of making Dio much less objectionable.

Now, like I said earlier, Araki's repeatedly told us in his writings that Dio has an upward narrative trajectory, not a downward, "mud"-bound one. The mud and stars duality fails to describe the narrative journey of the two main characters: both look upward to transcend their circumstances and travel along a shonen manga hero's rising path. (In fact, it's Jonathan who needs a good push to realize his potential, something Dio happily provides). And it's Jonathan, not Dio, who Araki first gives a downward arc, being handed defeat after defeat for those first four chapters before gaining his footing and progressively rising to Dio's challenges. "Mud and stars" isn't just a bad choice of metaphor, it's a misleading one.

Back to the musical, mamoDio is the exact opposite. An air of sadness and insecurity haunts his performance. An original scene where George presents the mud and stars dilemma as a lesson highlights Dio's lack of confidence and the depression that lurks behind it, as Dio bemoans how people doomed to "struggle and die" cannot possibly summon the hope it takes to look up to the stars (he's talking of course about himself).

Likewise, and here's where mamoDio's failure as a character really comes into full relief, seven years after this, when Dio's machinations are revealed and he's about to be arrested, before he uses the stone mask, mamoDio drops to the floor and spends the better part of a musical number in tears, bemoaning his sorry life ("I'm trapped in a prison covered in mud… no matter how hard I struggle I'm crushed…") and his lack of noble blood.

(btw this is after the manga scene where Dio fake cries; here, mamoDio is genuinely distraught).

Contrast this to the actual scene in the manga. His expressions in these panels are memorable because of how assured Araki draws him. Dio's entire world - his poisoning scheme, his grab at what one can assume would have been the entirety of the Joestar estate - is about to end but instead of despairing, he launches into a philosophical soliloquy. His body language is haughty: this isn't mamoDio crawling on the ground and decrying his upbringing and lack of noble blood, instead this is a man who apparently, almost irrationally, perceives himself as noble. When he uses the mask, Dio is smiling widely. Metaphorically speaking, he's looking at the stars.

When mamoDio uses the mask? He's on his knees. He's in tears. On one night he interjects, "Mother…" In short, he's conflicted.

One of these depicts Dio. The other does not.

Now obviously the writers and director of the musical must think making these seismic changes adds something to Dio's character. But (and I feel like this is a theme whenever I write these things) I'd argue it only makes him more basic. It makes him predictable and formulaic, someone we've seen in countless other stories.

(Oh! and did I mention mamoDio repeatedly calls himself "useless"!! Because he does this.)

Now, because mamoDio has no confidence and as a human acts out of desperation, when he becomes a vampire he still isn't Dio. Mamoru tries to make his vampire Dio evil and scary by expending a lot of energy, running about the stage and sticking out his tongue ad nauseum. When you look at how Araki has Dio move physically throughout the manga, it's the opposite of kinetic. Dio is a point of fixity who's charisma draws others toward him (ask me for more on this if you want because there's enough here for its own post).

Now for the worst of the worst: at the very end of the production, after the manga ending that features Jonathan's death and Dio's (presumed) defeat as a head imprisoned in Jonathan's arms, the musical takes an original twist in which, following a finale number featuring most of the cast, mamoDio is lead offstage by Jonathan. You read that right. mamoDio is hunched over, resigned, and Jonathan seems to take on a paternal role. Although the lyrics would have you believe this has something to do with "two fates becoming one," it's clear from the stage direction that any embers of Dio's ambition are being tamed and extinguished as Jonathan takes Dio's grasping hand, subdues him, and leads him docilely into the darkness.

It turns out Dio's vampire arc was just a phase, a hurt and lonely child lashing out and making a mess for attention.

His body language here is obscenely out of character. Consider the following because, as I said in the opening, in spite of what all these re-writes of Dio would have you believe, Araki crafted Dio with specificity and consistency: Araki only draws Dio (with very few exceptions) 1) standing tall, looking down at you; 2) back turned, looking back and down at you; or simply 3) back turned, (performatively?) ignoring you. Dio is never on the ground except when he's knocked down (think, young Jonathan finally fighting back in the Joestar home or, much later, Jotaro stopping time and landing those punches). By constrast, mamoDio has spent an incessant amount of time of the ground, crouching, kneeling,, bowing, hunched down. Who is this guy? So his hunched-down exit in the final moments of the production, literally being led by Jonathan (controlled??), is so amazingly stupid that if I didn't have a gif as proof, you might think I'm just making this stuff up:

There's plenty more to unpack that I won't address here: ghost Dario. The lack of grave-spitting. The complete absence of true joy or leisure expressed by Dio especially during his vampire era: no woman eating her baby, no owlcats, no Poco's sister. No chaise lounge. No roses(!). No fun. Not for Dio. That would be too manga-consistent. That might mean Araki wasn't giving us the appropriate message that bad guys are actually just sad guys.

tl;dr Dio isn't in the Phantom Blood musical. He's replaced by a normal guy who's motivated by a lack of self-esteem and despair that he wasn't born into an upper-class household, or something. He's boring. The result? There can be no Part 3 in this musical's world (and presumably no Parts 4, 5 or 6, no Giorno, no Jolyne, … you get the picture) because mamoDio just gives up. It's a nicely produced little tale about Jonathan Joestar and some random other guy who at some point gets a funny green coat.

#Anonymous #replies tag #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #dio brando #mp #dioposts #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo #phantom blood #phantom blood musical #dio talk #long post #the fact that media that's otherwise faithful to the text goes out of its way to rewrite Dio and only Dio consistently sends me

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buddiebeginz · 1 day

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I have so many thoughts swimming around my head after that ep not sure I'll make much sense but here goes.

My feeling about Eddie cheating is that even if it might not seem like it on the surface it is very much connected to his sexuality (and eventual coming out). It’s also a big warning sign that he’s not in a good place mentally.

Eddie has always tried to do the right thing. He tried to do what Shannon wanted. What his parents wanted. To do right by Chris. He’s been in these very strict positions of the military and firefighter most of his life. Never taking much time to examine who he is and what he really wants. Just doing what he thinks he has to do and should do.

Looking back on how this season has been playing out I’ve noticed that we’ve been slowly watching Eddie let go of all these rules he has for himself. Just look at how he was at the bachelor party. I don’t know if he’s ever really allowed himself to be so uninhibited liked that before. He just let loose and was enjoying being with Buck and at no point was Marisol brought up at all. There was also a lot of queer subtext in those scenes drag queens, Eddie in pink, Eddie as Crockett, Eddie’s shirt getting ripped off by men (including Buck), Buck and Eddie sitting pressed up together.

Before that Eddie was spending a considerable amount of time with T*mmy to the point that he kept ditching Chris to run off and leave his girlfriend to be his babysitter.

Then there was moving Marisol in and back out again while Chris wasn’t even there and without telling him. When the show has made it a point to always show how much Eddie takes Chris’ feelings into consideration especially with his relationships. But that’s the thing Eddie’s mindset this season has become do first think later and damn the consequences.

Now we have Eddie using this woman Kim he just met as a Shannon replacement but more so as a distraction from his girlfriend and just reality in general. Which this whole situation involves Eddie lying and sneaking around and a disregard for everyone’s feelings involved including Buck’s.

I know some might say how out of character this all feels for Eddie but that’s the point he’s changing and this is how it’s manifesting at the moment. Going back to Eddie’s sexuality I feel like before we can get to a place where Eddie can admit he has feelings for Buck (or any guy for that matter) we’re gonna see him spiral a bit to deny it even to himself. To reach for what feels the most safe instead and that’s his relationship with Shannon.

I think Eddie loved Shannon and will always have love for her but they got married more out of Eddie feeling obligated than anything else. Eddie also hides behind his feelings for Shannon. She’s come to be like this security blanket for him which is understandable in a way given how much history they share. She’s connected to his youth and she’s Chris’ mom, there is so much familiarity there but those memories are also keeping him stuck and unable to move forward.

At the end of season 6 Buck almost dies and I think that is really when Eddie started thinking about Shannon again. I also think Buck almost dying made Eddie realize (on some level) how important Buck is to him and that terrified him because he can’t handle losing Buck the way he lost Shannon. There’s also the Chris of it all which was further highlighted in 7x01 when Chris talked about how everyone leaves like his mom did. Some part of Eddie still wants to give Chris this perfect idylic family he thinks he needs when no one will ever replace Shannon and Chris already has two parental figures.

I know we’ve been mostly focused on Buck and his coming out story this season (and rightfully so) but I also think we moved on too quick from how much time Eddie was spending with T*mmy, how they said Eddie and T*mmy were originally going to be paired together, and Eddie’s reaction when Buck came out to him. How he was shocked that Tommy was gay and also seemed to be holding back some feelings. Eddie also immediately went home and told Marisol to move out after that convo.

Now we have Eddie dating Kim (I assume), in a relationship with Marisol, and lying to his best friend and son. Which btw if Eddie and Buck are just friends why does he need to lie to him at all? Is it maybe because Eddie knows that Buck gets him better than anyone and would not hesitate to call him out if he knew what he was doing?

I just think a lot of how Eddie is acting right now is wrapped up in so many feelings he hasn’t dealt with yet. I know from personal experience the more you try and avoid dealing with things the worse it’s gonna get. Eddie also has a lot of past traumas and pains. From his childhood, the army, from his relationship with Shannon and how she died, from guilt over not being there for Chris, from things he’s seen on the job, almost losing Buck, his repressed sexuality. You can’t keep all that bottled forever sooner or later you’ll snap.

Maybe that comes out in the form of trashing the hell out of your room maybe in cheating with your dead wife’s double. Either way Eddie is careening towards having to fully deal with himself and all the things he’s compartmentalized for so long. He’s put himself in a situation which guarantees he can’t run away this time. Because I do think it’s all going to blow up spectacularly in his face. He’s going to have to deal with why he’s still clinging to Shannon. Why he didn’t want to really invest in a relationship with Marisol. Why he can’t commit to all these women yet he’s been committed in one way shape or form to Buck for years now.

Hoping I made some kind of sense here. If you read all of this thanks. ❤️

#911 spoilers #buddie #911 buddie #eddie diaz #long post #911!

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thewertsearch · 3 days

Text

GG: ok, so what is the plan? […] CG: OK WELL THE MOST IMMEDIATE POINT OF BUSINESS IS CG: YOU SEE THAT GLOWING BLUE SCREEN BEHIND YOU? […] CG: YOU NEED TO TURN THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT OFF.

The Fourth Wall again?

So far, it's really only been relevant to the non-canonical Hussie interludes, but maybe it’s dangerous for Watsonian reasons, too. Gamzee certainly seems interested in it...

It did belong to Jack originally. Maybe Derse can still make use of it, so it needs to be disabled before someone like DD gets any clever ideas.

CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT IT. CG: BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCREW WITH. […] CG: THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.

Oh, I get it. Karkat’s taking a little break from canon himself, and explaining to the audience that too many meta shenanigans would eventually ruin the story.

I’m absolutely in agreement with this. A fourth-wall break in the wrong place could completely ruin the comic’s dramatic stakes. This is a goofy comic, and we have fun here, but going full Deadpool would tear the plot to shreds.

CG: […] MY ROLE AT THE MOMENT IS TO ACT AS A SORT OF GO BETWEEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SELF CG: TO HELP ALONG THE PROCESS OF MAKING THESE PLANS CG: WHILE YOUR FUTURE SELF IS DELIBERATELY VAGUE ABOUT SOME STUFF SO AS NOT TO "JINX" THE CONCEPTION OF THE IDEAS IN THE FIRST PLACE I GUESS?

I like this idea. It allows Future Jade to guide her past self’s actions, but filters her guidance through a layer of indirection. Present Jade will be getting some help, but she'll still be able to come up with her own original ideas.

Jade really doesn’t want her plans to be stable-looped into existence, and I can get behind that sentiment, too.

CG: MEANWHILE TIME IS KIND OF RUNNING OUT HERE, WHERE I AM CG: WE'RE COUNTING DOWN TO SOMETHING CG: SOMETHING LOOMING ON THE TROLLIAN TIMELINE AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS CG: AND MY TEAM IS KIND OF FALLING APART CG: I'M COMPLETELY LOSING TRACK OF EVERYONE AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

It's been a while since we've done a Veil roll call, actually. Let's give it a whirl.

Karkat is coordinating with Jade on what may or may not become the Scratch plan, and trying to keep tabs on his deteriorating team.

Vriska and Terezi are fighting a proxy war using John and Dave respectively.

Aradia has exploded, and the status of her ghost is currently unknown.

Kanaya is trying in vain to dissuade Rose from the trajectory that Scratch and the Gods have set her on.

Gamzee has recently developed a hatecrush on Dave. He also has some huge hidden importance to the comic, and he’s going to be attacked close to the end of the countdown.

Eridan is planning to confront Jack with his 'awesome' new Science Wand.

Tavros is on his way to confront Vriska and there's like a 98% chance she's going to paralyze him again.

Feferi is consorting with monsters in her dreams. She's also destined to be killed, but her assailant is currently unknown.

The only trolls who (as far as we're aware) aren't up to something are Equius, Nepeta and Sollux.

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #3252 #s113 #troll call LOL

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interstellarlyinlove · 3 days

Text

Star-crossed lovers (May 9th)

tw mention of abuse

word count: 590

@wolfstarmicrofic

“We can’t, Remus. I’m sorry,” Sirius says and he hates himself. He told himself he wouldn’t cry but he’s crying and he hates himself.

Remus looks lost, like he really can’t believe or understand what Sirius is saying. “I– Sirius, love, are you okay? Did something happen?” he reaches out to touch Sirius’ face but Sirius steps away and shakes his head. He has to do this. He reminds himself that he has to do this, for Remus.

Sirius suddenly wishes they were anywhere but here, on top of the Astronomy Tower. This is where Sirius kissed Remus for the first time. Sirius hates himself. “I– we–” Sirius breathes out steadily and tries to summon every last bit of feigned courage and overwhelming love he has for Remus. He says, “This isn’t working out. Between us, I mean. We work better as friends, Remus.” His voice is harsh and he’s no longer crying. Sirius finds pretending to be cruel as easy as breathing. He’s worked so hard for that not to be true but it is. Being cruel is easy for him.

Remus takes a step back. Sirius wishes he’d stop looking at him like that. Remus is looking at him like he’s just put out all the stars in the night sky.

Remus blinks and a single tear escapes, streaming down his face. Sirius wants to look away but he can’t. Remus is crying because of him. Remus looks completely heartbroken, and Sirius is responsible. Sirius doesn’t deserve to look away.

Remus smiles, and his miserable smile is the last blow that makes Sirius’ heart shatter into a million horrible pieces. “Sirius, that’s– you don’t have to apologize for that. I value–” Remus’ voice breaks. Sirius wants to scream. But he can’t. “You’re my friend before anything else, Sirius. If that’s what you want.”

It isn’t what he wants. It’s the last thing he wants. “It is. I’m sorry, Remus.”

Remus shakes his head, chuckling humorlessly. “Please, stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for, Sirius. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel–”

“No. No, you did nothing wrong, Remus,” Sirius says because he couldn’t help himself. “Remus, you’re– this is not what–” Sirius tries to breathe but he can’t. He closes his eyes and remembers why he’s doing this in the first place. He remembers Walburga storming into his room on the last day of Christmas break with an open letter in her hand.

Walburga Black is a lot of things– bigoted, boring, cruel, horrible– the list goes on and on. But more than anything she is honest. She doesn’t bluff. Her warnings are more promises than threats and–

“Sirius?”

Sirius blinks and really looks at Remus. There is no way Walburga Black is going to hurt anyone Sirius loves. Especially not Remus. Not while Sirius is alive. No way. If only Walburga had taken it out on him. If only she’d done anything else. Anything but hitting Sirius where it hurts, twisting his arm and forcing him to give up the most important thing in his life. Sirius can’t say anything. He’s just staring at Remus. He doesn’t have it in him to continue lying at this point.

Remus stares back, and his eyes are the most beautiful thing in the universe. He smiles, again. “That’s– it’s okay, Sirius. I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”

Sirius nods. He can’t speak, he can barely breathe. He nods again.

Remus leaves, and Sirius is alone. But Remus is safe, and that’s what matters, Sirius’ heart be damned.

#tw abuse #tw horrible parents #I kind of hate myself for this #I don’t want to write angst BUT THE PARASITES IN ME WANT TO #anyway I truly hate this I’m sorry #Walburga WHEN I CATCH YOU 🥊🥊🥊🥊#I need fluffy sugar sweet wolfstar asap plz and thank u #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #wolfstar angst #walburga black #my writing

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ihave-atummyache · 9 hours

Text

3 way with ur roomie, hey roomie

ot8 blurb/imagine

stray kids

just my personal thoughts on the topic of ur skz!bf sharing u with another member (;

1.5 words

just hard thoughts i guess? idk im just horny and thinking

bang chan:

would share u with seungmin.

i feel like they would have very different approaches to how they are intimate, however, they both very much so give off brat tamer vibes in my opinion! i think seungmin would be more of a hard!dom brat tamer and chan would be more of a soft!dom brat tamer or even like more of an emotional brat tamer than a physical one. in the context that seungmin would spank you, smack you, spit on you, degrade you, chan would rather have you write that youre sorry 100 times on a piece of paper. im sorry its hot idk dont ask me!

i think their dynamic would work well together because they are so opposite but also so similar that it would be really easy to break you.

also they both would definitely love to see you cry. idk thats what theyre saying!!

lee know:

would share u with chan.

okay, hear me out. i know most people would think that he would share you with jisung but i so disagree!! minho is a possessive, jealous, mfer (hot). that being said, he is also basically joined at the hip with jisung and when you come around, its probably quite often the three of you together.

i dont think minho could stand the idea of you being around someone 24/7 that has seen you naked and felt every inch of you. hes sooo jealous.

but!! i think minchan would make for a great time tbh. theyre both so strong and yummy that it could get really rough, fast!! they're both very conscious of your body and how it is reacting to everything and they work in perfect tandem to make sure youre having a good time :p

you definitely cum so many times you can’t walk by the end of it all!

oh! and they both have greatttt stamina so i can just imagine you guys going at it for hours and hours.

most likely to have been made self indulgently, fueled by my own personal desires.

-on my knees for minchan.

changbin:

would share u with hyunjin.

changbin is so obsessed with hyunjin and its the cutest thing in the world. he thinks he can never be more obsessed with anyone but then, he meets you!

the idea of the two people he adores most in the world being intimate with him at the same time??? hot. hot hot hot. i also think that binnie is such a visual person. seeing you and hyunjin together is probably just pure art in his eyes.

i think that it would actually be super intimate. it would definitely not be something that happens often or casually. it probably happened one night on accident and it was a lot more intimate and intense than you all figured it would be.

changbin and hyunjin definitely kiss while they eiffel tower u. im sORRY!

hyunjin:

would share u with felix.

hyunjin loves felix so much. we all know this. i think that it would be very important that you and felix get along for hyunjin to make the relationship work.

honestly, it wouldnt surprise me if hyunjin were to make you two meet before you meet anyone else. he just values lix's opinion so much and its so cute. with that being said, i think that the idea of sharing you would kind of come naturally.

you and felix have GREAT chemistry and i think it would be hyunjin that suggests it. you three are probably sitting around the table or in the living room and he's just listening to you and felix talk and then he just speaks up with something stupid and hyunjin-like, for example: 'do you wanna have a threesome. like us three?' and obviously you and felix are quite surprised but after it being talked about, youre all down.

felix is probably a little softer in bed and i imagine hyunjin being the same way, except if he get particularly worked up. i imagine sex with hyunjin is usually pretty intimate and more like love-making. he is just such a romantic and values intimacy so much.

theres probably a lot of you receiving great head from the two boys and a LOT of kissing. and they have such nice lipshshshsjash

u definitely have a few bruises left as a reminder.

han:

would share u with minho.

okay okay okay so

im sensing the dynamic of minho actually not really participating and youre both kind of submissive BECAUSE voyeur minho>>>>

him telling jisung exactly how he should touch you or what he should say to you and then he gets all frustrated when jisung doesnt do it right and pushes him out the way and is like 'do it like this' and then showing him exactly how its done.

you're definitely being treated like an object more than a person and it's embarrassingly just that much hotter. i feel like jisung would follow every one of minho's commands without much thought. he trusts him whole heartedly even when it comes to you.

when you do actually have sex with both of them, it’s probably super rough. i feel like jisung would feed off minho’s energy and try to match it, yk?

felix:

would share you with changbin.

okay....hear me out! why do i lowk feel like you could dom changbin and felix so well.... and theyre so muscly and like masculine but you can get them both on their knees for you????? HOT

anyways, felix trust changbin a lot and he has said that changbin is his ideal type in men so... youre his ideal type, changbin is his ideal type, felix is in heaven.

a lot of praise from you has them both flustered and blushing and like putty in the palm of your hand. they could definitely dom you too tho!!! dont get me wrong.

manhandled, thrown up against a wall, rough, marked up, the works. they would probably hold you up at an insane angle so they can both fuck into you at the same time. some crazy karma sutra shit. i think they would be the first ones out of all these duos that would be found out. the way that changbin just suddenly gets a lot closer and touchier with you and the way the three of you would interact, it would be suspicious

most likely to end up in a poly relationship, methinks!

seungmin:

would share u with i.n.

THATS HIS BRO FR.

"seungmin, how do i make a girl cum with my fingers?"

"i can show u better than i can tell u"

and thats how you end up sprawled out on the bed getting edged over and over and over until you can barely feel your body!

"no angle your hand like this, there you go! you feel how this pretty pussy just clenched around you? thats good"

"you could probably make her squirt, she does all the time"

seungmin's words would be filthy. actually talking like youre just a sex doll that they can use for their own pleasure. i.n would probably often return and ask you and seungmin different questions and then youre all in the bedroom

he just happens to be more of a visual learner is all!

least likely to become poly, methinks! im under the impression that out of everyone, seungmin and jeongin would be the two that are most likely to keep things platonic. i think these would also be the most likely two members that have a friend with benefits and genuinely never catches feelings, yk?

okay and maybe it's just my own personal hand kink.... but they both have such fucking pretty hands like oh my goshdmsmshx put them down my throat pls!

i.n:

would share u with jisung.

tbh i think jeongin would be the most likely to share you with multiple members (maybe at the same time but uh anyways) but him and jisung just work.

jeongin is genuinely sooooo fond of jisung and you can just tell. he takes good care of jisung, even though he's younger and i think he trusts him a lot.

however, i think there could be a crazy dynamic here...

dom i.n x sub hannie x sub you?????

why is that kind of hot... and you all know im a big advocate for dom!han but i imagine him being a softer dom, at least a lot softer than jeongin. i.n and minho seem like they would be very similar in their dom ways.

i just cant imagine jeongin being a sub!!! like he IS an aquarius…lets not forget.

him and han’s dynamic is very silly and you can tell that they love each other dearly and feel very safe with one another. like they’re very much themselves around one another. i think thats why han would be able to sub to jeongin. and the irony of him being younger and he’s bossing him around… he would dig. jisung a freak!

han is a certified pussy addict. he eats coochie off the bone!! im imagining you sat back against i.n’s chest and jisung is between your legs just devouring and jeongin has his fingers practically gagging you omg i gtg N O

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lambtotheslaughterr · 3 days

Text

I Burn : Finale

A Rafe Cameron Mini Series

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 7k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

PART NINE | MASTERLIST

IMPORTANT NOTE* hey ya’ll! just a reminder that my requests are OPEN. please read this POST before making any requests as i have rules in place. there are two spots left (which you will see at the bottom of the linked post). so get your requests in if you’re wanting to use me;p

The car ride to the Cameron’s was tense with silence. You felt under constant scrutinization despite your father not saying anything. But that was always the giveaway. He was upset with you, angry, & you were completely in the dark about exactly what. To what extent did your father know about your lies? What did Rafe tell his own father? What did Ward tell your father? As the car carried the two of you smoothly through town, you knew it’d only be a matter of time before you found out.

You stared out the window, your fingers tangled within the hem of your dress. You didn’t have any other options in your bags to wear to an unexpected dinner so you went out earlier in the day to shop for something appropriate. As relieved as you were to get out of the hotel suite from your father who made it feel suffocating, you found little comfort while shopping. You wish you had your mother there to help you relax, she sometimes had just the right things to say to help you. But it was just you. And your father.

After a few more moments of silence in the car, your father finally sighed heavily. You turned your head to face him but got quickly distracted as he pulled into a driveway that led to a beautifully crafted Charleston style home that was near the beach. You didn’t bother to hide the shock on your face. You knew most everyone at Arrowhead was well-off, but this was another level of wealth. The pristine & clean lines of the architecture & the environmental placement of the home was evident of the Cameron’s class.

“Whoa.” You muttered under your breath as your father put the car into park while you peered up at the house through the windshield.

All your father did was grumble, “Let’s get this over with.”

With that, your father turned off the engine & began getting out of the car. You followed suit, holding the strap of your purse tightly against your thighs. You inhaled sharply, waiting on your side of the car until your father rounded to your side. He gestured for you to move towards the front of the house, placing a hand on the small of your back as you led the way. At the front door, you had just raised your hand to knock when the door swung open.

A younger woman stood there in a stark white uniform, a welcoming smile on her face, “Harold & _____ , please, welcome.”

You imagined she was the help. Your father & you stepped into the foyer & you took a moment to admire the interior of foyer. It was two levels with an elegantly crafted chandelier hanging above your heads. The young woman approached a near by display table & grabbed a platter that had two glasses of what you imagined to be wine.

“The Cameron’s ask that we offer you a glass of a 2022 Linne Calodo Contrarian White.”

“We’re okay, thanks.” Your father responded grimly, “Can you bring us to the host?”

The woman’s smile faltered but she nodded, placing the platter back down, “Of course, follow me.”

Following the woman through the house, you stumbled slightly as you went from room to room, admiring the furniture, artwork on the walls, & how every room in the house had a view of the beach. You were no stranger to the finer things in life, but your parents didn’t display their wealth like the Cameron’s clearly did.

The woman approached a set of French doors that led to the backyard, she placed a hand on the handle before facing the two of you, “My name is Roxanne, if you have any questions, please, let me know.”

“Mm.” Your father hummed in response. At least his displeased attitude wasn’t only geared towards you, though you did feel slightly guilty about the fact that the kind woman who was only doing her job was getting a taste of it.

“Thank you, Roxanne.” You smiled at her. She nodded in kind before opened the door & stepping back, allowing the two of you to step through.

“Ahh, Harold.” Ward Cameron was standing behind a small bar that was built into the back of the house, a hand towel thrown over his shoulder, “Just on time.”

“You said six.” Your father returned, his tone short.

You turned away from them when you felt Ward’s eyes fall to you. As you did, your own eyes met Rose’s, who was dressed in a white floor-length lace dress. She looked incredibly beautiful & years younger than she likely actually was.

“_____, you look lovely.” She approached with a glass of white wine.

“Thank you, you too.” You returned, forcing a fake smile as she hugged you with one arm.

“Please, sit with me.”

You peeked at your father over your shoulder. His attention was fully on Ward as they spoke low enough for you to miss their words.

Rose led you to an outdoor table that was set-up on their obscenely green lawn that was exquisitely cut. She gestured for you to take the seat opposite of hers, adjacent to the head of the table. She then took a sip from her wine before she eyed your hands, her eyes widening, “Did Roxanne not offer the wine? Ugh, I knew she would forget.”

Just as Rose was about to stand up, you corrected her, shaking your head, “No, she did! She did.” You chuckled lightly, “My dad just didn’t accept the offer.”

“Oh.” Rose frowned, “Quite rude.”

Your own eyes widened at that. Never would anyone have the gall to insult your father to his face, so you supposed it was a good thing he was a couple yards away.

“Anyway,” Rose smiled, “how are you this evening?”

“Oh,” you were unsure about her friendly demeanor, “I’m okay.”

Rose scrunched her nose from smiling so hard. It made you feel uneasy.

You wondered if she was a decent person. Rafe was an asshole, & from the little interaction with his father that you had, you guessed he likely got it from Ward, but would Rose be any different?

“Well, here.” She reached for an unlabeled bottle of white wine at the center of the table, reaching for a wine glass near you at the same time, “Have a drink.”

Your eyes flashed to your father. He wouldn’t like you drinking, but who were you to say no to your host?

Rose filled the glass before offering it to you, “C’mon, honey. Don’t let it go to waste.”

Smiling sheepishly, you took the glass, quickly bringing the lip of it to your mouth & taking a sip. It was light, fruity, & sweet. Everything you knew this evening wouldn’t be.

“So,” you began as you placed your glass down, “what is the special occasion?”

Rose laughed lightly, “I’m just in the dark as you are, sweetie. But I never say no to a dinner with friends, no matter how last minute they are.”

“Mm.” You nodded, disappointed that she too didn’t know why you & your father received the sudden invite, forcing you to stay in Kildare for another day.

The sound of footfalls grew close & you glanced up, eyeing your father & Ward as they approached the table. They both held a glass of amber liquid in their hands. So much for not drinking.

Your skin pricked as Ward sat at the head of the table, just to your right, & your father moved to your left. You glanced at your father, “Would you like to switch seats?”

Sitting next to Ward made your stomach flip. He was much too close.

Before your father could respond, Ward spoke for him, his voice smooth yet hard, “You’re perfectly fine where you are, _____.”

Rose laughed softly, none the wiser to the tension at the table. You sat stiff, your spine painfully straight as you faced Ward, nodding once.

“Now,” Ward raised his glass slightly above the table, “to new business endeavors & new friends.”

Rose giggled gently, mirroring her husband. You swallowed awkwardly before raising your own. Your father didn’t bother raising his. Ward eyed your father expectantly, but offered you a closed lip smile as he clinked his glass against your own.

A moment later, the French doors that you came out of opened, & your eyes flashed towards the movement. Four staff members appeared, each of them carrying a plate of steaming food.

“I hope you like seafood.” Rose commented as she sat back so the staff could place a plate of food before each of you.

You cleared your throat, noticing that they indeed only brought out four. Would Rafe not be attending? You couldn’t decide if that made you feel better or worse.

As if he could read your mind though, Ward commented on his sons whereabouts, “Rafe is busy at the moment, but he will be home shortly.”

“Oh.” You replied, your voice small as you avoided the patriarch’s unwavering gaze.

“We’ll eat first, then business.” Ward took a bite of the shrimp scampi, a confident smile gracing his aged yet handsome features.

Wanting to distract yourself from the tense energy at the table, your forced your shaking hand to grab your fork, twirling a bite onto the utensil before bringing it to your mouth. You imagined the meal was excellently made, but your stomach was constantly flipping, making it difficult for you to really taste & savor the dish. In the corner of your eye, you noticed your father didn’t even bother touching his food.

Rose noticed as well, frowning in displeasure before she shot Ward a look. If he noticed her expression, he didn’t show it. Just simply enjoyed his own plate of food.

Someway, somehow, you managed to eat most of the food, but your full stomach did little to comfort you. Ward & Rose finished their plates as well. Ward made a gesture with his hand & the doors opened yet again as the staff returned to gather the plates. Once the staff was out of earshot, your father leaned forward, his elbows on the table as he eyed the host, “Alright, Ward. You said you had a business proposal.”

“Impatient, aren’t we?” Ward’s voice was light & airy but there was an undertone of annoyance there that you made out.

“First,” Rose gleamed, holding up the bottle of wine, “a top off.”

She reached for your glass but your father swiped it before she could, “She’s nineteen, Mrs. Cameron. One glass is enough.”

“Harold.” Ward laughed loudly as he leaned back in his chair, shaking his head, “How many times must I remind you that your daughter is a grown woman? She can decide for herself if she’s had enough or not.”

“You do not parent my daughter, Ward. I do.” Your father returned, not bothering to hide his distaste for Ward’s intrusion.

“Mm.” Ward cocked his head, “If you say so.”

What the fuck did that mean?

“I wanted to wait for Rafe to be here before we moved forward, but I suppose now’s a time better than any.”

You tugged your cloth napkin into your lap, tangling your fingers into the fabric as you felt quite literally caught in the middle of a battle between two alpha businessmen.

“No need to wait.” A voice sounded from behind you. Everyone, yourself included, turned towards the voice & were greeted by the sight of Rafe. He was dressed in a periwinkle blue button up & khaki colored shorts. He crossed the lawn towards the four of you, but his eyes were solely focused on you.

“Rose.” Ward voiced. At the sound of her name, Rose was quick to move from her seat to the next one over, across from your father. The change in seating made your stomach roll.

Rafe joined the four of you at the table, taking the spot Rose once occupied, directly across from you. He smiled jovially.

“_____.”

“Rafe.” You returned, unable to hide the sourness in your voice.

“Great timing, son. Harold was getting impatient.”

“Oh.” Rafe traded a smile with his father before glancing at yours, “In a hurry?”

“To get this bullshit over with, yes.”

Your lips parted in shock at your father’s use of a cuss word. He was always a man of class, knowing how to speak to which people, & these were definitely not people you spoke to like so. But your father was at his wit’s end, that much was clear. He was losing it. You pressed your lips together in concern, what the Cameron’s want?

“Well, Harold.” Ward began, leaning forward to make direct eye contact with your father, “as we’ve already discussed, you’re looking for an investment opportunity, a means to move from teaching at the university to becoming a businessman that people will take seriously.”

Your father wanted to quit teaching? But it was his whole life.

“But, of course, after your lawsuit, as quiet & private as it was, anyone who matters knows about it, making it difficult to find business partners, yes?”

Your father only glared at the head Cameron. Your eyes flashed to Rafe’s & he was grinning behind his hand as he stared at you, raising a single brow.

“Now, I’m willing to go into business with you, after all, any support means everything to me since I’m branching out internationally, but I’m not quite sure I want to be associated with a man who fired his TA because his daughter is a nympho.”

A gasp left you at the insult, your few interactions with Renee coming to mind.

Ward chuckled lightly at the expression on both yours & your father’s faces, “Don’t act so surprised. I told you that your daughter would be needed in this deal.”

“Dad?” You questioned, glancing at him, but he only stayed staring at Ward.

“I can look past the lawsuit, put in a few good words for you to the right people, make it go away. That’s what you want, right? For it to go away?”

Your father said nothing. Your heart began to race & the food you just ate threatened to come up.

“I can do that for you.” Ward nodded, “But as all business deals go, I require something in return.”

From behind your lashed, you glanced at Ward, & were startled to see that his eyes were already on yours. He grinned.

“Rafe is ready to begin working for me, & I’m not one of those men who makes their son start out in the mailroom to understand how business works. He already knows, he’s my son, after all. My company purchased a few properties in England, London to be exact, & I want Rafe to oversee the progress. He’s more than ready to take on the roll, & I trust him. However, much like myself, he wanted something to keep his focus strong, his work ethic influential. So, he made me a deal. A deal, if I’m being honest, I couldn’t be prouder of.”

Ward looked at his son, they shared the same eerie smile. Then Ward looked back to your father while Rafe focused back on you.

“Your daughter.”

“Excuse me?” You & your father replied in unison.

“Ward?” Rose finally spoke, her voice small as she questioned Ward.

“Not now, honey.” Ward raised his hand in her direction, “Well, Harold. How about it? You invest in my company, make a name for yourself, & my son gets your daughter.”

“No!” It was you who finally joined in on the absurd conversation, “Hell no.”

“_____.” Ward placed a smooth hand atop yours, patting it consolingly, “The men are talking.”

“I don’t give a fu—” You pushed yourself to stand but Ward beat you to it.

“Sit your ass back down, young lady.” His voice was firm & authoritative.

“No.” Your father rose as well, offering you his hand, “We’re done here. My daughter is not for fucking sale.”

You gladly accepted his hand, standing to your full height alongside him.

“You can take your business deal & shove it up your wife’s ass, Ward.”

An offended gasp escaped Rose as she glared wide-eyed at your father. But you never felt prouder of your father than you did in that moment.

“Sit back down!” Ward raised his voice, slamming the table with a fist as he narrowed his eyes at the both of you, “Or I’ll make a call & Dr. Mooney will be released from his cell before you even reach your fucking car.”

That caused for you both to pause, your father’s hand tight around your own.

“Now.” Ward repeated. Rafe, all the while, sat there with a snarky smile as he watched the events unfold before him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Your father questioned, but you tugged on his hand.

“Dad, please, let’s go.” You voiced in a hushed manner.

“_____, would you like to tell your father? Or would you rather I do it?”

Your eyes flashed to Ward’s, wishing to the depths of hell that you could burn him alive in that exact moment.

“Or perhaps Rafe?” Ward glanced at his devilish offspring, “You’d like the honors?”

Rafe smiled but shook his head, his eyes trailing the length of you, “Nah, I think Mr. _____ should hear it from the mouth of his own daughter.”

“Quit lollygagging, what the hell are you talking about?” A vein in your father’s forehead appeared as his voice cut across the table.

“Sit back down.” Ward repeated, pulling out his cell phone, “I won’t ask again.”

You felt your legs shake as your father let go of your hand, resuming his spot in his chair. You bit your lip, reluctantly doing the same.

“_____.” Ward caught your eyes, “The table is yours.”

Everything was spinning. You felt you’d be sick at any moment. You felt your father lean towards you, his hand on your shoulder in support, “What is it? What do they have on you?”

Sniffling, you couldn’t look your father in the eyes, “Dr. Mooney, he….”

You couldn’t say it, couldn’t admit to it. It was all supposed to be behind you, long forgotten. He got what he deserved! Why were you the one being punished? And by the fucking Cameron’s, of all people?

“It’s okay.” Ward grazed his fingers along your wrist. You snatched your arm away, your skin tingling where he touched. “We’re all here for you.”

His mockery only made it worse.

“_____, look at me.” Your father demanded. You shook your head, unable to look him in the eye.

Ward sighed heavily, disappointedly, “Your daughter, Harold, is a fabricator. A master manipulator, I dare say. A quality I admire, but one that can get you & your whole family into hot water if you’re not careful.”

“_____.” Your father gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to face him, “What is he talking about?”

Hot, angry tears pricked your vision.

“Tell him.” Rafe pushed, “He’s going to find out from one of us, either way.”

You threw Rafe a damnable glare.

“Look at me!” Your father’s voice hardened, forcing your eyes back to his, “Don’t look at them, look at me.”

Tears skipped down your cheeks. You had to tell him. Rafe was right, he was going to find out anyway.

You sniffled, hanging your head, “Dr. Mooney didn’t rape me.”

“What?” Your father responded breathlessly, his eyes peering around at the others.

“I made it up.” You cried softly, “I’m sorry.”

“But…” Your father frowned, letting you go to lean back in his seat as he absorbed the information.

“I know that was tough, _____.” You felt a warm hand on your shoulder. Your skin prickled where Ward touched you, “But you’re better off for it, your whole family is.”

You spun around in your seat, snarling, “What the fuck do you want?!”

“It doesn’t matter.” The sound of your father’s voice, more so, his words, shocked you. You looked back at him in surprise.

He glared at the Cameron’s, one-by-one, “You can’t prove it.”

Ward laughed lightly at that, sighing heavily, “Unfortunately, that’s simply not true.”

Your eyes flew to Rafe’s. He returned your hardened glare with a smirk.

“When someone makes a rape accusation, much like your daughter did, what comes next?” Ward questioned your father. Your father said nothing.

“Mm, that’s right.” Ward nodded, “A rape kit.”

“Which they found evidence of rape.” Your father argued.

“But no DNA.” Ward returned.

“Because the bastard wore a condom.”

“_____?” Ward stole your attention, “That true?”

He was feigning a frown when you looked at him.

You gulped, shaking your head, looking at your father, “There was a condom…but he didn’t wear it.”

Your father was appalled at your revelation.

“My son did.” Ward finally revealed, making bile rise in your throat.

“One call, & with what my son knows, it’ll be a reversed sentence. And your daughter will find herself behind a jail cell.”

“_____.” Your name coming from your father’s mouth was solemn. He ran a hand down his face. “You didn’t.”

“I had to.” Your voice shook, “I knew they would need proof.”

Your father slapped the table, causing the glasses to shake.

“Why?!” He yelled, the vein in his forehead practically bursting as he stared at you, “Why? Why did you do it?”

More tears escaped you, “Because I wanted to punish him.”

“And there it is.” Ward’s voice was thick with contentment, “Just a young, foolish woman using her body to get her way. Putting an innocent man in jail. The courts will have a heyday with this.”

“Dad, I’m sorry.” You reached for him but he stood abruptly, shaking his head as he paced near his seat.

“Daddy.” You cried.

“So!” Ward clapped his hands together, “Back to the deal. You invest, my son gets your daughter, & her dirty little secret remains just that: a secret. Or else you’re family will crumble within in seconds.”

“Stop it!” You screamed, accidentally knocking over Ward’s glass as you swung your arms in distress. “Please, stop it!”

Ward growled as the amber liquid stained his shirt, but he patted at it with a cloth napkin before he leaned towards you, his hand ensnaring your wrist, “I’m the only who can stop it. Take the deal.”

“Take the deal, Harold.” Ward repeated, his hand still holding your wrist as he glanced up at your father, “I don’t want to see my son behind a stand anymore than you do your daughter. Though, she’ll receive a much harsher future than Rafe will.”

Your father finally looked up, his eyes hard but also…sad. Your heart faltered. This was all your fault. Ward was right. If your father didn’t take the deal, your family would go down in flames. And it would be all your doing. Dr. Mooney would run free, & you’d be ruins.

When your father didn’t speak, you chose to. “We accept.”

You glanced between Ward & Rafe, both of whom shared the same loathsome smiles.

Ward let go of your wrist, rubbing it gently, “And that’s how a deal is made. I knew I liked you for a reason.”

Ripping your hand away from Ward, you stood up to approach your father, wiping your cheeks free from any tears.

“I’m sorry.” You gently touched his arm. Your father met your eyes, his stare unwavering but shattered.

“I can’t protect you.”

“I know.” You sniffled, “But this is my fault. And I can’t watch you & mom suffer because of me. I promise you I’d be a good daughter. So, let me.”

“_____...” He hung his head, “I swore I would never let another man hurt you. Me, most of all. I meant it.”

“You’ve done everything for me. Sacrificed everything for me.” Tears blurred your vision, “Let me do this for you. I can do it.”

“Awh.” Ward commented from his seat, “I do love a sweet father-daughter moment.”

You ignored his comment, maneuvering your body to block Ward from your father’s line of sight, “It’ll be okay.”

Your father shook his head, meeting your eyes once more, “I’ll get a lawyer, I’ll get 10. They won’t get away with this.”

“But for now, they will.” You straightened your spine, “It won’t be for forever.”

For the first time in what felt like ages, your father brought you into his arms, hugging you. You wrapped your arms around his middle, pressing your face into his chest. It almost felt as if he needed it more than you.

“It won’t be goodbye forever.” Ward split you two apart with his words, “They’ll be back for the holidays.”

You frowned at the statement, “Back?”

Ward chuckled, “Like I said, honey, Rafe will be overseeing the progress from London. In fact, your boat leaves in ten minutes.”

“What?” Your father pushed you behind him, “No! You’re not taking her, not now.”

Ward sighed annoyingly, “I’m not doing this dance again, Harold. That’s the deal. My son gets her & your family remains intact. And my business thrives.”

Rafe stood from his seat, slowly approaching the two of you. Your father threw Rafe the nastiest glare you had ever seen grace his features, “Don’t come near her.”

Rafe grinned at that, his eyes falling to yours, “Too late for that.”

He then extended his arm, his hand held out waiting for you.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you grabbed your father once more, “Tell Mom I love her. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out.”

Your father shook his head, his hands desperately gripping your upper arms, but you begrudgingly pulled yourself away from him.

“I love you.” You told him, letting Rafe slip his hand into yours.

Never before had you seen your father on the verge of crying, yet there he was with his eyes red & watering.

Ward joined your father where he stood, clapping him on the back, then he offered his own hand, “Welcome to the business world, partner.”

The sound of a horn sounded in the distance & you peeked over your shoulder towards the beach. There was a boathouse & a dock & at the end of it all was a yacht with it’s engine running. An unknown man waving from aboard.

“Time to go.” Rafe placed a hand on the small of your back, leading you away.

“Dad!” You hollered & he made to move towards you, but Ward stopped him, his mouth moving but you were too far away to make out what he was saying.

Your body began to shake uncontrollably as you grew closer & closer to the yacht. Once there, Rafe climbed aboard first before offering you his hand up. You slapped it away & climbed up yourself.

“Captain.” Rafe greeted the man who had waved, “_____. _____, this is our captain for the journey, Captain Underwood.”

‘Welcome aboard the Horizon Voyager.” He grinned, none-the-wiser to your reasoning being aboard.

“Thank you.” You muttered.

“We’ll be at sea for 18 days, with stop offs in Spain & France before making landing in England. If you need anything, ask myself or Rafe.” He nodded, “You’re in safe hands.”

Oh, but you weren’t.

It was dark out, the boat moving smoothly along the ocean waters. Captain Underwood settled your nerves, reassuring you that it’d be nice seas the whole way. You had never been aboard a boat before, like this anyway, in the middle of the vast ocean. It only added to your queasiness. Shortly after boarding, Rafe gave you a tour of the yacht. It was luxurious, & you expected nothing less from a Cameron.

The inside was a decent size, but the bedroom, where you knew you’d be slumbering alongside Rafe made your skin crawl. It was tight. Suffocating. But Rafe looked more than pleased. After the tour, you escaped to the bathroom to throw up your dinner. You remained in there for some time, staring at yourself in the mirror. The whole night felt surreal, like a vivid vicious nightmare. When you did finally emerge, the captain gave you seasick pills to help with the effects of life on the sea while Rafe took over the wheel. You hoped he crashed the yacht into a reef.

By the time night feel, you were lounging in the bedroom, your heels on the floor & your whole body tucked under the covers. You had no clue as to where tonight was going to lead to, all your clothes & belongings back at the hotel suite. Your father would be returning there & home alone. It made your heart ache.

The boat creaked around you as you stared lied in a fetal position under the covers, staring at the wall. There was a TV mounted into the wall near the door but you had no interest in entertainment. You just wished more than anything that you could turn back time, take everything back before it came back to bite you in the ass. It wasn’t about Dr. Mooney anymore, it was about your family. You hadn’t thought of them, & now you all were being punished for it.

The door to the bedroom cracked open & you hurriedly sat upwards, glaring at the unwelcome presence.

“That’s not a very nice look.” Rafe feigned hurt. He handed you a plate with a sandwich on his, “Not much of a cook but it’ll have to do.”

“Not hungry.” You responded bitterly, turning away from him.

He sighed but didn’t fight you, placing the plate on a built-in dresser. Then he sat at the foot of the bed, his hand finding your leg through the covers.

“I’m starving.”

You tossed him a glare, not reading into his comment. You kicked at him under the covers, trying to shove him off the bed. Rafe laughed lightly, clearly misreading your shoving as something akin to playfulness. He gripped the covers & ripped them off you. You gasped at the action, quickly bringing your legs up towards you as you sat up.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Rafe furrowed his brows, confused, but smirked, “I’m starving.”

His eyes fell to your exposed legs, his tongue darting out to swipe his lips.

“No.” You pointed at him, “No fucking way!”

He scoffed then, cocking his head, “Really? I thought you, of all people, would be jumping at the chance to fuck. I’m guessing it’s been a while, right?”

“That’s not who I am anymore.” You snarled, glaring at him.

“Oh, yeah? Arrowhead really worked on ya, huh?” He was mocking you. You rolled your eyes, “It’s none of your business, but yeah. Being surrounded by assholeish men kinda made me realize I don’t fucking need them. Even for a quickie.”

Rafe nodded, appearing somewhat impressed, but it was short-lived, “So, you don’t get the burning sensation anymore? The need. The scratch you can’t itch.”

Your thighs pressed against one another at his word. He leaned closer, his hand slowly growing closer to your legs.

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t go to you. I’d rather drown out here then let you touch me.”

“We both know that isn’t true. You’re a nympho through & through. Someone just needs to touch you just right.”

His fingers caught your ankle, dragging you down the bed. You yelped softly, attempting to move back but Rafe was quick to straddle you, his hand gently grabbing your wrists & raising your arms above your head until he was directly above you.

“I gotta say, this is a good look for you.”

You growled beneath him, trying to push him off with your hips, but he was heavier than he looked.

“Rafe, get off me, I’m serious.”

“I liked you much more before. You were more fun then.”

You narrowed your eyes up at him, shaking your head, “I never liked you.”

“Remember what I said about you being a bad liar?” He leaned down until his lips were at your ear, “That hasn’t changed.”

His lips grazed the shell of your ear, your spine erupting with tingles that danced up & down your back.

“I’m sure if I touch you just right…” His teeth nicked your earlobe, “I can make you spread those legs for me whether you want to or not.”

“You’re an asshole.” You griped, feeling your thighs shake.

“You didn’t cum last time.” Rafe whispered, his lips grazing your neck next. You felt his tongue lick at you, teasing the pleasure zone there. “I’ll make you cum this time. And every time.”

“No.” You begged through gritted teeth as you felt pins & needles erupt across your flesh.

“Just relax.” Rafe kissed along your jawline, one of his hands still holding your wrists above your head while the other reached down to find the hem of your dress. When you felt his fingers dip under the fabric, your body jolted.

A gasp parted your lips & you stared wide-eyed at the ceiling. It was coming. The burning.

Rafe kneed your thighs apart, enough for him to settle between your legs. The pressure of his body against yours forced a pleasured sigh from the most fucked up part of your insides. You felt dizzy as the room rocked around you. Rafe shifted his hips upwards, his bulge rubbing against your sensitive center deliciously so.

He then caught your chin with the hand that held your wrists, forcing you to look him in the eyes. His eyes were hooded, filled with lust & blazing with desire as he stared down at you. He took his time glancing over your features, lingering particularly long on your open mouth. He leaned down yet again, this time catching your mouth with his. He wasted no time sliding his tongue inside you mouth. You moaned regrettably into the kiss.

“You taste so fucking good.” Rafe moaned, pulling away, “I want to taste all of you.”

Words failed you, your limbs more so, as he slithered down the length of your body until his upper body was between your legs. He slipped your underwear down, letting them hang loose off one ankle as he flipped the skirt of your dress up.

“I know you feel guilty.” He kissed the inside of your right thigh.

“But you don’t have to.” His breath was hot & cold at the same time, making your pussy throb.

“You can feel good, too.” Rafe licked the length of your thigh from your knee to just before your hot center.

“I can make you feel good.” Your body shuddered under his touch.

Rafe then reached forward, grabbing one of your arms & bringing your hand down to your cunt.

“Touch yourself.” He breathed out, & you felt you would melt into the bed.

He moved your fingers just over your mound. A shock sprinted up your spine at the contact. You hadn’t masturbated in months. Now, you needed to. You were burning up.

Pressing your fingers against your pulsating clit, a wonton mewl parted your lips.

“Good girl.” He looked up at you as he kneaded the meat of your thighs, nodding at you.

Your chest was heaving as you moved your fingers, swiping your fingers along your entrance & folds.

You bit your lip, your own eyes hooded as you watched Rafe watch you. Then he closed the distance, his lips closing around your mound.

“Ah!” You squealed, gripping the covers of the bed. His tongue swiped along your folds expertly, his tongue delving just inside your pussy. You could feel how wet you had become, coating his face with your juices.

Rafe wrapped his arms around your hips, pressing your hips further into his face as he ate you out. Your thighs shook around his head, euphoric moans escaping every breath you heaved.

As he licked, prodded, & fulfilled your every aching need, his other hand glided up the center of your abdomen underneath your dress. His fingers grazed the sides of your breasts before his hand appeared before your face. He continued to fuck you with tongue as he glanced up at you. You felt yourself growing hotter & wetter by the second. Then he stuck a thumb into your mouth.

You desperately sucked on his digit, tasting the saltiness of the ocean as you did. Rafe moaned into your pussy, the vibrations pushing you closer to the edge.

Growling with impatience, Rafe suddenly removed himself from between your legs. He remained on his knees as he yanked his arm out from under your dress. You had no time to react before he reached for the top of your dress & tore it down the middle. His eyes glinted as he took in your mostly nude form.

“Fuck.” He breathed out. Falling atop you, his mouth latched onto one of your pebbled nipples, suckling the bud. You moaned loudly, pressing your chest into his face. You felt as he reached between your bodies to undo his shorts. He then pushed himself off you once more to remove his shirt. Your eyes danced around his exposed chest, admiring the definitions of his toned body.

Honestly, fuck this man. And you would. Whether you wanted to or not.

Rafe returned his mouth to your breast, nipping the sensitive flesh there. Then you felt a hot, hard pressure at your entrance. You were slick, your evidence of desire pooling underneath you. You felt Rafe smile into your chest as he shoved his hard cock into your quivering cunt.

“Oh, fuck.” You moaned, & he growled into your chest.

Rafe wasted no time pounding into you. The small underwater room was quickly filled with the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, your combined mewls & shrills, & the wetness of your cunt as you tightened around his girth.

“You’re my girl.” Rafe breathed out as he looked down at you, one of your legs bent at the knee as he held it against his side. “Say it.”

“I’m your girl.” You breathed out, your hatred for him nonexistent as he fucked the reasoning out of you.

“Again.” He watched as your tits bounced with every thrust of his hips. You felt your walls clench painfully as you grew closer & closer to the edge.

“I’m your girl, Rafe.”

“Oh, fuck yes.” He groaned, catching your throat in his hand. He tightened his grip just enough for you to struggling breathing but not enough to make you pass out.

“You’re my fucking girl.” He ground his hips against yours, your clit being manipulated devilishly so.

“Ah, Rafe!” You cried out, feeling yourself about to cum.

“Cum for me, baby.” Rafe gripped the back of your head, angling your head so he could catch your mouth with his, “I want to hear you.”

You shoved your face away from his, clinging to his frame as you felt your world crash around you. A strained cry filled with regretful pleasure filled the corners of the room as you fucked yourself against him, your cum coating his cock. Rafe chuckled against you, his arms circled around your waist as he fucked you to his own orgasm. His hips grew choppy, rushed, sloppy until he finally stilled, a groan erupting from his throat as he stretched & filled you with his cum.

He collapsed on top of you, the two of you breathing heavily, both of your bodies coated in a light sheen of sweat. Your whole body shook with the aftershocks of your orgasm & black spots blanketed your vision. Rafe rolled off you, his own chest heaving as he absorbed the effects of his orgasm.

You two lied there for some time in silence, the scent of sex in the air. When you finally cooled down, you winced as you sat upwards, glancing the mess between your legs. Your cum mixed with his.

And just as quickly as the euphoric feeling disappeared, your rage returned.

Swinging yourself upwards you hurriedly climbed on top of Rafe before bringing a closed fist down onto his face. Rafe, unprepared for your assault, caught the right hook right in his high, howling momentarily before he harshly gripped your arm, rolling the two of you until he was back on top.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” He yelled, his eye red from where you struck him.

“I said ‘no’!” You yelled back.

Rafe glared at you, an unamused smile on his face, “Your body said yes.”

“Fuck you!” You screamed, thrashing under him, “Fuck you, Rafe! I hate you!”

“Hate me all you want.” He huffed out, “But remember, your monster wants mine. Needs it.”

You shook your head defiantly, “No. I don’t want this.”

“That’s too bad.” Rafe shoved himself off you then, grabbing his shirt & shorts from the ground. He then peered at you with a cocky smirk.

“You used me for your own benefit. Now, it’s my turn.” Rafe, once dressed, stepped forward & gripped your head to leave a kiss on your forehead.

You shoved him away, “I hate you.”’

“I know.” He nodded, but was unbothered, “But you’re mine. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

He then rested his fists on the bed as he leaned forward, looking you directly in the eyes, “And no matter how many times you tell me no, your body will always tell me yes. I suggest you get used to it.”

Then he turned his back on you, prepared to leave the room, but you shouted after him, “You won’t win forever!”

“Maybe.” He said over his shoulder as he opened the door, then he faced you, “But I win for now. Don’t I?”

With a smile, Rafe left the room, closing the door behind him. You threw the closest object to you, a pillow, at the door. Tears of frustration cascaded down your cheeks. The boat continued to rock & you along with it.

This would be your life now. And it was all your doing. Rafe had gotten what he wanted in the end, & he would always remind you of that. Whether with his words or his tongue, you belonged to Rafe Cameron.

The only person to blame was yourself. You & the goddamn burning. Do you feel satisfied?

another end to a Rafe Cameron mini series era. i gotta say, i'm gonna give myself a pat on the back for the closing sex scene. i think it's the best one i've written yet.

as always, & especially at the end of a series, your feedback & reviews mean everything to me. please share your thoughts/feelings via commenting, reblogging w reviews, or dropping an ask. i am so so so fucking curious to hear all your thoughts.

thank you for reading!

next mini series i will be working on is The Taming featuring reader x stalker!Clark Kent. so stay tuned(:

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thefirst3chapters · 1 day

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Overanalyzing the Danes family again and thinking about how they react to change:

Liz appears to have an affinity for material objects. When Luke goes to Liz and TJ's place in S7, they have lots of Renaissance faire decor, supplies for making jewelry, quite a few other decorative items, and what appears to be a sizable Beanie Babies collection. That could just be their style, but it's interesting that Luke mentions in S4 that Liz has ended up in situations where a guy leaves with her belongings and clears out her bank account. Perhaps having a lot of physical things around her that aren't very expensive and probably aren't family heirlooms makes her feel safe and gives her a sense of control when everything else changes. Those things might not be as likely to be stolen, and if they go missing she can acquire more.

In S6, Liz tells Luke after a successful run selling jewelry that she doesn't know what to do with all the money, and Luke's suggestion of putting it in a bank hadn't occurred to her. Maybe when Liz came across some money she liked going to thrift stores and getting as much as she could afford. I'm picturing her finding yet another lava lamp or doll and saying, "I feel a connection with this one, don't you think it belongs with us?" while four-year-old Jess, who has been dragging around Curious George Learns the Alphabet for months, stares at her blankly.

Most of the things Jess seems to value are sources of ideas (books and music) or have a clear practical purpose (his clothes, watch, and car). One notable exception is the bracelets he has in addition to the one he temporarily keeps from Rory. Maybe there's a story there, and it's possibly an interesting connection to Liz's interest in jewelry (cue the everlasting Gilmore Girls theme of being like your parents even if you don't realize it or try to resist it). Twice we see Jess moving out of town with just what he can carry, and it happened offscreen when he went back to New York. Luke points out that Jess doesn't have much when first gets to Stars Hollow, but he doesn't seem to mind and says that Liz will send the rest later. In that episode, Liz tells Luke it will be that Friday. When all this stuff arrives 10 episodes later, there is of course comedic value in Luke's frustration at being trapped by mountains of boxes, but it's interesting that there is so much, and Jess doesn't seem to care about most of it. Did Liz think Jess would be comforted by this in the way she might be? Even with the extra space when the addition is built, a lot of those things realistically would not have been kept. Jess doesn't seem to own much besides books when he's in his New York apartment either.

Liz is more gregarious than Luke and Jess, but she also appears less affected when people she loves are absent. Liz calls Luke to see if Jess got to town alright in his first episode but famously doesn't ask about Jess going back to New York for the holidays. In S4, Liz is happy to see Jess both times he is in town, but she doesn't go out of her way to find out where he is or if he's okay. In S6, when she projects her concerns by telling TJ that he's going to mess up their child and throws things at him, she tells Luke that TJ left her like all the guys before him, but she's calm about it because of her "new come-what-may philosophy." Luke's the one who intervenes and gets TJ to come back while Liz is busy making new friends, and then Liz is glad to reconcile with him. Maybe Liz's apparent ease with all of this and her inclination toward meeting new people is how she's gotten through all of the losses she's experienced. She's predisposed to moving on.

Jess isn't social by nature, and as a teenager he's extra resistant to being around other people. However, in the two examples we see, once he gets emotionally attached to someone, it's for life. Being estranged from Luke and Rory affects him deeply and for a long time, and when he reconciles with them he makes it clear how important they both are to him. When he's working at Truncheon, he and his co-workers are friends, and he's conversational enough to be a successful businessperson in that environment, but April still notes that "men in this family aren't chatty" when she meets him.

For Luke, the circle of people he likes being around is small, but to those people he's extensively loyal ("Once Luke Danes is in your life, he's in your life forever"). The absence of someone he cares about clearly distresses him, and he tends to seek solitude in response. His apartment isn't cluttered, but he seems to have kept high school trophies, and he has a strong emotional attachment to things that are connected to his family: the diner, the "William's Hardware" sign, the boat, and his grandmother's bedroom furniture. Luke's life has been a bit more stable because he's the one who stuck around to take care of his parents and run the family business, and he's often hesitant to accept change. When metaphorical storms uproot Liz and Jess and take them elsewhere, they have contrasting coping mechanisms that they take with them while Luke stays behind and tries to hold down the fort, and eventually Jess finds stable footing and is able to help him. Or something like that.

#gilmore girls meta #liz danes #jess mariano #luke danes

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sunlightmurdock · 21 hours

Text

AETERNA | Prologue

SYNOPSIS: WHAT’S THE USE IN MAKING PLANS? IT’S ALL INEVITABLE ANYWAY.

WORD COUNT: 2550

MASTERLIST

MOODBOARD

PLAYLIST

quick lil a/n: this isn’t an OC fic, audrey will just be a recurring character who is mentioned through the fic and this spooky lil prologue is her origin story I guess 🫶 we meet reader in chapter 1

…

Audrey Weiss began her last morning the way that most people do: unknowingly. Unknowing in the sense that it was the last time she would bark at her sister to get out of the bathroom, or sigh too loudly when her mother asked her to take the trash out.

Mere weeks from graduation, her focus should have been college in the fall and summer trips and prom. Instead, she was thinking much shorter term — simply of her plans for that evening.

She had ducked out of her parents’ three-bed ranch style in the middle of Saturday morning breakfast, headed for the indubitably more important venture of tackling La Mesa Shopping Mall with her best friend, Suzie Clarke. Once Girl Scouts together, Audrey and Susanne were attached at the hip even now that they were all grown.

Suzie Clarke was the first person the police would speak to the next day, after Audrey was reported missing.

Exactly three weeks and four days from her high school graduation, big things were on the horizon for Audrey. She had been accepted into some pretty good schools for that fall, but her pick was Mount Holyoke — she was going to be a lawyer.

At the mall, she had found the most gorgeous jumpsuit. A peach color that made her brown hair look like pure silk with a crochet floral middle and bell bottoms that made her legs look a mile long. Something awful grown-up for a girl like Audie, but that was the point.

Then, back home, she had considered leaving her large, round wire-framed glasses on their vanity. They made her eyes look ten times bigger and unnatural, and her mouth look small — but she probably wouldn’t look too stellar if she couldn’t see either. These opinions were her own, formed by middle school boys from years passed.

To her baby sister, her glasses made Audie look awfully smart. There’s an old People magazine in their mother’s dresser that shows Barbara Streisand in a dark-framed pair of eyeglasses; Audie could look just like that if she combed her hair a bit.

To make matters worse after deciding that her glasses would make the cut, before she could make it to the safety of Stacy’s car, Audie’s mother had forced a denim jacket over her shoulders and told her to mind the weather. Like it was ever that cold around there.

Still, Audrey’s confidence was unwavered. She looked dynamite in her new jumpsuit, and four weeks into the long stretch that eighteen years old was supposed to be, she looked grown-up for the very first time, even with the glasses.

For the sixth time since March Third, 1977, Audrey Weiss bought a ticket and visited the circus on the outskirts of her hometown.

Santa Paloma, Arizona, was a safe place and only a stone’s throw from Phoenix. It had a movie theater and a couple of arcades, plenty of playgrounds, and a roller rink. Still, Audrey wasn’t interested in hanging out at any of those places.

No, she had her sights set bigger. Older. She wanted more than the other girls her age. Maybe if the boys her age had been kinder, this wouldn’t have been the case.

That’s why she was here, and why this sixth visit was going to be special; she had met a guy. In her killer new jumpsuit, with her hair done like Farah Fawcett, and her Mom’s lipstick coating her lips — her mind was all made up, tonight was the night that she was going to make her move.

Restless in every sense of the word, Audrey had lept out from the backseat of Stacy’s bubblegum blue MGB roadster first, her heart aflutter and her friends in tow. The late April sky was ablaze, orange and pink. It was quite the send off.

Children laughing and screaming, Audrey knew her way around the circus attractions well by now. She bid her friends goodbye with knowingly exchanged giggles, and started to walk. They had discussed Audrey’s plan in great detail by the point of its execution.

Brown leather sandals, barely leaving footprints across red dirt; she was gentle like that. Neon lights surrounding her, she passes by the carousel where she had first seen the man of her dreams for the last time. Its chimes sing her a goodbye as she disappears deeper into the Friday night bustle.

Eager, grinning faces surround her in a blur as Audrey strolls down the midway. A nervous, fast-feeling energy buzzes through her trembling limbs. The ring toss to her right, the shooting game to her left, her sights set straight ahead.

She had been too nervous to pick at the meatloaf her mother had made, and the air had smelled of warm popcorn and sugar. Her stomach growled, leaving no room for butterflies.

Amidst the epic orange and pink, the sky threatened to grow dark behind the looming, spinning ferris wheel.

Audrey left behind the painted faces and the smiles, the smell of sugar and the sound of shrieking laughter. Echoes of the excitement rang out behind her as she left it all behind. Her destination was beyond the fair, behind one of the big, red and white glossed storage trucks. Even in her killer new jumpsuit, Audrey had gone unnoticed.

One confident foot in front of the other, she squared her shoulders like the older girls do and kicked through that soft red dirt. Weaving between caravans, campers and trailers, restlessly brushing her hair back off of her shoulders and bringing it back in place.

A familiar whistled tune guided her where she intended to go.

Jake can usually be found whistling an Elvis tune.

His shirt slung over his shoulder, he passed between the lodgings coolly, headed to his camper to prepare for the show. Maybe he heard her coming, maybe he saw her feet under the caravans. By the time Audrey had rounded the corner, he had stopped and was staring at her.

He animated again, after a moment of static.

Jake was the star of the show, and to Audrey Weiss on that night in particular, he was just about the center of the universe. Tall, and gorgeous, with a strong jaw and a long, straight nose. Blond hair and golden skin, and green eyes. Muscles like something out of a comic book.

And despite being all of those things, Jake was nice, too.

“Hey, Aud-Ball.” Like odd-ball. But his way of teasing her wasn’t cruel like everyone else’s. He shot her a cool grin, his broad shoulders making his white tank stretch taught as he passed by her with no intention of stopping for a chat; again, in the kindest way. “You lost?”

This was far from their first conversation, but it was the first time she had gotten brave like this. There are signs all over the place saying staff quarters are off limits. She shouldn’t have been back there. She should have waited until after the show — Jake always came out to hang out front after the show was done, she could have found him then.

“No,” She wavered. A pit in her stomach and a lump in her throat, she looked down at the dirt and her glasses slipped a bit on the bridge of her nose. “I… wanted to see you.”

Jake can be real friendly. Too friendly, if you were to ask some of the folks around camp. Too friendly with ladies sometimes, too. That’s not what this was. When Audrey showed up for the second weekend, after Jake had complimented her glasses and told her she was funny — he had known she needed a friend. That’s all.

He played dumb.

“What for?” He stopped by the door of his trailer and took a moment to look at her. A slight heel to her sandals, a brand-new outfit, and magazine-worthy hair. He knew exactly what for.

She kicked and toed at the dirt, her eyes on the ground in a sheepish manner that tarnished all that work she had put into looking grown-up. “… I dunno.”

He looked behind her, and then around the two of them. The bustle of the fair sounded so far away. His grin settled into something friendly, but detached. The kind of look you get from a waiter when it comes time to decide on how much to tip.

“You lose your friends?” She never came alone. She had come with her parents that first weekend. She had looked so sad.

“No.” In her kicking and toeing at the ground, Audrey had wandered a bit closer to him. Close enough that he could smell her mother’s perfume on her neck, because she thought it was more mature than her own.

He took his shirt from his shoulder and wrung it in his hands, bootprints in the mud as he put some distance between the two of them. “Look, you know you’re not supposed to be back here. House rules.”

She looked up at him through those big glasses.

“Well, I mean—“

“Really. You should go.” He said more firmly. He was looking at her differently. The kindness in his eyes was gone and all that’s there was pity. In an instant, Audrey Weiss is crushed.

This wasn’t the first time she had been hurt by a boy. She had a tendency to read too much into things, to want things too much. There was a boy in ninth grade, he hadn’t ever liked her — she had convinced herself that he did. She had been so humiliated.

Jake watched her face crumple completely before him, and he was reminded of exactly what he saw in her that first weekend. A scared little girl with a heart full of sadness. He looked to the ground, feeling like he had knocked her to the dirt himself. She did look sweet in her new get-up.

“I’ll find you after the show.” Jake had offered.

Dejected, Audrey fiddled with the leg seam of her jumpsuit. She looked at the ground, and despite having no children, Jake got a glimpse at what it might look like if he had one to scold. She nodded her head weakly.

His lips twitched, his smile almost apologetic as he tapped at the side of his trailer and swung one foot in. “Alright.”

She presses her lips taut, staring at the indent she had toed into the dirt.

Jake hesitated by the door. He couldn’t stand the thought of letting her go, looking so sad. “Thanks for stoppin’ by— your hair looks killer, Audie.”

And so, Audrey had sulked back through the site and found her friends. With her being back so soon, and looking so cheesed — they hadn’t asked questions. They had bought her a coke, and taken their seats inside of the Big Top.

He said he would find her after, but to a girl like Audrey, that could mean a lot of things. Most of them were not good. As the lights dimmed and the familiar introductory drumbeat rattled out, Audrey just wanted to go home.

As he had five times before, the ringmaster burst out into the center of the area and threw his arms into the air, starting the evening with his usual speech. Audrey sipped sadly at her Coca-Cola from the stands. Jake comes on second for the first part of his act, right behind the ringmaster.

Audrey knew his routine like the back of her hand. Once again, she was not picked to be his assistant. As always, he was incredible.

At 9pm, the show had finished and the crowds were filing out. The fairground was even more abuzz than it had been earlier, the sky was a deep indigo, and Audrey really wasn’t in the mood to listen to Jake tell her that she just wasn’t his type. She wanted to be, so badly.

”I’ll pull the car around.” Stacy had told her saddened friend, already thinking that they could stop for milkshakes on the way home to cheer her up. Audrey had nodded absently, wondering where Jake had planned to find her.

“Come on, watch me hook a duck. I’ll win you something.” Suzie was Audrey’s best friend for a reason, after all. She looped her arm through Audrey’s and led her over to the attraction. She had just let go for a second, to take the pole from the attendant.

Audrey had just looked away for a moment. Well, maybe a few moments. It hadn’t felt like very long.

She stared across the sea of people, finding him in the spaces between. His eyes were settled right on hers, green and as kind as they always had been.

Standing over by the house of mirrors, Jake was wearing the same clothes he had been earlier, his shirt discarded over his right shoulder and his white tank stretched across his chest. He had gotten changed out of his show clothes quickly. Maybe he was excited to see her.

She bit at the inside of her cheek, nervous tingles making her fidget on her feet.

He straightened up, and cocked his head sharply to the side. The right side of his mouth tugged toward his ear like something was funny. He untucked his hand from his pocket, and pushed away from the support beam.

There was no goodbye, no ‘I’ll be back in a second’ — the plan was clear — Audrey hadn’t felt the need to waste time bringing her friends up to speed, that could be done in the morning. Light-footed, her brown sandals barely marked the soft dirt beneath her feet.

He had turned and reached for the door, watching her over his shoulder. Her eyes scanned across the neon red signage above him as he disappeared into the Hall of Mirrors. The door fell shut behind him.

Audrey’s heartbeat hammered like a snare drum. Her entire nervous system could keep easy pace with a Lynyrd Skynyrd record. Her dad loved those guys.

The sky darkened behind her, the metal handle cold under her palm as she opened up the door. She leaned inside, and peered around, half-way inside. “Jake?”

The halls between all the mirrors had to be lit somehow, and someone chose blood-red bulbs. Darkness in the corners of the reflections, red illuminations right through the center. Audrey took one sure-footed step inside, her mouth twitching toward a nervous smile.

She let go of her breath and smiled. Sticking her fingers out, she touched her own reflection right in front of her. Filtered red, she looked so different. Her hair really did look killer. Her glasses hadn’t ever looked that awful. She trailed her hand softly along the glass as a marker, following the whistle tune.

Butterflies tickled her tummy. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and let the door fall shut behind her, her second step less-certain. “Jake, are you in here?”

Of course he was, she had just seen him walk right in. To banish her doubts further, a whistle rings out from deeper within the maze. Unmistakably the first eight notes of Elvis’ I’ll Never Fall in Love Again — the song Audrey listened to in her bedroom when she thought of him. How incredible, that he had picked that song.

She bit at her bottom lip to keep from smiling, and called out one last time. “Jake?”

NEXT CHAPTER

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