#we waited all year for this only to have our shows canceled days before. what luck

[nicoscheer]

Ending it with Miles 😭🫶🏽🥹 we’re gonna cry so bad.

But also I love this so much cause like obviously the band and the management heard all the hateful ‘fans’ back when they had to cancel Marlay Park because Alex dared to get laryngitis and this; giving them not only one but 3/4 shows with Miles and an access code is so hilarious to me cause like yeah you very fuckin nasty and disgusting but here ya go ya lil shits now what do you say (pretty please) like this makes all those haters look sooo incredibly dumb and childish (like no patience at all obviously they need time to schedule and arrange all the venues and what not, like have some faith in them just lean back and trust) anyways long story short love this move

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I’m having a mental breakdown

Miles via email

[xveenusx]

Indifference

Paring(s): Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: Two people who are in love, well he used to be

Authors note: you guys like when I make you cry

Rating: angsty

Warnings: it'll hurt :)

__________________

He was late.

Time was a funny thing. Minutes turned to hours which rolled into days then suddenly months began to blur into years. In that time, people tend to go out and experience things, falling in and out of love, enjoying everything life had to offer.

Yet, I somehow found myself motionless, the spark that once ignited my core had been stifled to a small ember. Life continued to pass by while I remained glued in one place, watching as everyone around me attempted to achieve some form of happiness.

I was once like that. Filled with some much hope for a life with someone I loved, who showed up to support me and believed in my capability, because at one time in my life that was exactly what Rafe was.

Like I said, time was a funny thing. The more time passes with your partner, the more comfortable they seem to get. They stop trying. However, at what point does being comfortable become almost negligent?

Dates were canceled, appointments missed, and important accomplishments forgotten the more time went on. Rafe’s priorities shifted and I went from being the center of his world to being a planet merely circling his gravitational pull.

In his mind, we were forever, so a couple of cancellations here and there and bouts of forgetfulness were nothing in the span of things. I would have agreed had the cancellations not doubled with time or our conversations going from intimate and deep to surface level at best.

He was never home. It was always just me in this large house on figure 8.  Suddenly, he went from being the moon and the stars to just a bleak, unforgivable starless night. Cold and dark.

We had met when we were 16 and he was every bit a spoiled little rich boy that had extreme daddy issues, but there was more to him than that. I picked at his defenses until finally they shattered, and I was engulfed by all of him.

He was just different around me and that fact alone left me delighted. It made me feel special, almost stupidly so.

Things between Rafe and his father were already tense enough since Rafe bought a motorbike with the money he was supposed to spend on the generator. Then everything began to snowball out of control from there. He threw himself into his father’s work and when he wasn’t doing that, he was with Kells and Topper doing god knows what and snorting anything he could find.

Despite all of this, Rafe always kept me close and always let me in. 

Last year, when Ward had gone with Sarah and John B to South America, and didn’t return, something shifted inside him. His defenses were rebuilt, only this time he left me on the outside, and no matter how hard I tried to break him down brick by brick, nothing worked. He became obsessed with running Ward’s real estate empire better than he ever did.

Rafe was a cold and calculated legacy with a large chip on his shoulder that made him lethal against competing firms. He chewed them up and spit them out.

With every major milestone, it was never enough for him, and like a man possessed he continued to ruthlessly target anyone that had done him wrong. We had everything and yet the bitterness seemed to consume him. He was someone I saw once a day if I was lucky. He always left before I woke up and was never home by the time I went to bed and suddenly we were glorified roommates.

Once upon a time, I would stay up waiting for him with my heart in my hand, hoping to connect in any way. Even if I only had a few minutes to spend with him before he went to sleep, it was enough for me. But, 10 pm became 11 pm which turned into 12 am and so I gave up. My sleep schedule was already a mess as thoughts and insecurities pestered my mind of another woman.

“Any word from him yet? Some of the donors are asking for him?” The question pulls me out of my thoughts and I turn to face my assistant, Rai.

Her question is innocent enough, but I can hear the slight concern in her voice and I know she has her doubts which only serves as another humiliating reminder that Rafe has done this to me repeatedly.

But this was different. He knew how important this charity dinner was to the shelter I opened up for women and children who suffered from domestic violence.

As someone who came from the cut, it was everywhere and so many didn’t have the means to flee and so they were forced to stay and in the most severe instances, die.

Rafe gave me the start-up money as a gift and it was a huge success that I opened several more as well as fund for scholarships for both the mothers and kids. Which is what brings me to now, a charity dinner and auction to help fund said scholarships and pay for all the shelter necessities.

He promised he would be here. It’s important for the donors to see him here seeing as though he donated a huge sum once more and could ease the minds of those who are teetering on the edge. It’s also important to me. This project is mine, something I created and shared with the world and I want to share it with him too.

I want him to celebrate this accomplishment with me and he is nowhere to be found.

“He’ll be here. Rafe promised.” I clear my throat, “He knows how important this is to me.”

Rai gave me a doubtful look and I know that I couldn’t convince her anymore than I could convince myself. The engagement ring that bore my finger instantly weighed a ton.

Glancing down at the large diamond that once meant the promise of everything, stared back at me as nothing more than a simple accessory.

Rafe had proposed and foolishly I believed that it would save us so I said yes.

I stayed and time and time again, the disappointment slowly began to etch away at the childish hope I tried to cling onto until only a dull ache remained.

“Don’t you look lovely?” Plastering a fake smile onto my face, I let out a sheepish laugh as I take in Kiara’s parents. 

“Thank you guys so much for coming.” The words ring true but I couldn’t help but feel like I was underwater. My focus is shot and I find myself hardly listening with my eyes darting to the front door every minute or so, desperate to see the man I used to think would never stop loving me. 

I float around the room, committed to being a gracious host, because I would not let him take this from me too. Not when he’s taken everything else already. This is the only piece left of me. 

My cheeks hurt two hours later from all the fake smiles and my throat burns from the feigned laughing. The sound of my own voice makes me wince. 

In those two hours, I felt my confidence slowly get chipped piece by piece as everyone questioned where my fiancé was. And for a moment, I hated him. I truly hated him because even this small piece of heaven I made for myself is tied into him. 

Honey, I need to run some numbers with Rafe. Where is he hiding? 

Where is the biggest investor? Surely, he’s here, right?

I haven't seen Mr. Cameron. Has he stepped out? 

With which I responded,” Work emergency, you know how it is. He’s nothing if not committed.” Considering most of these possible donors run their own large companies, they completely understand but it’s their partners reactions that seem to leave me stunned. 

Each had a warm look of understanding dancing in their eyes as I’m sure they’ve used the same excuse time and time again.

I can only take so much. So I excuse myself and glance at the small gold heart shaped watch on my delicate wrist and take note of the time.

There was only 30 minutes left and I haven't gotten so much as a text from him. 

A pit began to form where my stomach used to be as I realized once more that he wasn’t coming. As I stood in a packed room, filled with a flurry of activity, surrounded by people, I’ve never felt more alone.

Then my eyes connect with Mrs. Dune, the wife of a finance guru that works alongside Rafe. She was much older than I, having been with her husband for 30 years but she looked even older. 

It’s almost as though she can read my thoughts, because she sends me a sad smile as she lets her eyes go to where her husband stands talking to other donors. I haven't seen him talk to her the whole night, instead she’s been standing at his side saying nothing. 

I take an uneven breath and my eyes widen in realization. Was this what I had to look forward to? A life sentence of loneliness vacant of any warmth and attention? 

Swallowing hard, I force my eyes away and stare at the door. Begging whoever will listen to please, this once, let me be wrong. I’m so in my thoughts that I’m startled when a soft hand lands on my arm.

“You get used to it. Eventually, you’ll feel nothing.” Mrs. Dune says quietly, her eyes moving back to her husband, with a look I can only describe as longing. 

That’s the thing. I don't want to get used to it. This isn’t how I want to be loved.

“What you’ve accomplished is amazing. Don’t let him take that away from you.” Was her parting words and she left, not sparing her husband another glance. 

When I turn to see if he noticed she left, he’s still engaged in conversations and doesn’t spare her a glance. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. This is Amy Park.” Rai looks ecstatic as she introduces me to the stunning tall woman next to her. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Park.” The words come out on instinct.

“I wanted to discuss how open you would be to expanding shelters nationwide?”

And for the first time in awhile, a real smile graces my face as I answer her question. 

_____________________

The first thing I notice when I pull into our driveway is the plethora of cars that fill it. The second thing I pick up on is familiar vibrations of music with each step I take along our pathway. 

My front door is wide open as people come in and out, clearly under the influence of something and my chest constricts. 

This is what he’s been doing? This was more important than me? 

Clutching my keys tightly, I welcome the familiar biting against my skin. I recognize many of the faces, most of them having gone to school with Rafe. 

If it was any other night, I would have joined them. We were only 22 and yet have lived what seems to be a hundred lives. But, this is different. He’s different. 

Climbing up the staircase, I head to the balcony where I hear a familiar boast of laughter. 

I cleared my throat. “What’s so funny?”

Heads snap in my direction but my eyes are only on one. One that currently has a short black haired girl nearly in his lap. I recognize her as a bartender at one of the local grills/bars we frequent. 

“Don’t you look gorgeous-“ Topper attempts to run interference, but it’s too late. I raise my hand to silence him. I’ve already seen everything I needed too. 

His body is positioned slightly in front of them as if I was going to body slam them. I might actually. 

“Hey, wait! How did the donor dinner go?” Topper's eyes dart to Rafe’s. “That was tonight right?”

I see the moment everything clicks. His eyes rake down from my newly styled hair to the louboutins in my feet. Everything I wore from the jewelry on my body to the shoes on my feet he bought me, and I’ve never felt more sick.

Rafe clenches his eyes shut as he shakes his head. “Fuck.”

Fuck, indeed.

“Get out of my way, Topper.”

He throws a worried glance to Rafe. “I think maybe-“

“Top, give us a second.” Rafe mutters tensely. He keeps his hard set gaze on me, drilling into me, almost as though he’s daring me to move. 

Kelce stands up giving me an apologetic look. “Rafe, man, there’s a bunch of people here.”

I force myself to look away. 

“Not right now, Kells.” 

He wasn’t wrong. This house was full of people, but the only difference being that none of them matter. Not to me and not to Rafe. 

Steady. Keep steady and just breathe. 

“So what should I do-“

I look at him. Me or them? It was unsaid but he knew what I was asking him. 

“Back the fuck off and give me a fucking second with my girl.” Rafe barks out, running a rough hand through the short cropped strands that brush against his forehead. 

Both hold their hands up in mock surrender before shuffling off to the side. The girl doesn’t get up. 

Topper coughs. “Sophia.” 

Her eyes take me in with clear distaste. Her hand is still dangerously close to Rafe’s waistband. I raise a single eyebrow giving her one last opportunity to move. 

She doesn’t. Not when Kelce calls out for her either.

Sophia made her bed. Setting my bag down, I take three big steps before I’m roughly shoving her off the couch sending her sprawling on the floor. 

Rafe let’s out a curse but makes no move to help her. At least he’s not stupid.

“Get out.” The words leave no room for negotiation.

The glare she sends me is filled with ice. “I was invited.”

Kelce lets out a groan before whispering,”Is she serious?”

The fake smile I’ve perfected over the years decorated my face as I bent down to her height on the floor. 

Flashing my engagement ring in her face. “Get out of my fucking house.”

That seems to shut her up and I watch with narrowed eyes as she struts away, Topper and Kelce in tow.

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears while my chest feels like it’s going to explode. I turn around slowly to face my damnation. 

My heels click against the marble floor and with each step I take, the more the ache in my chest grows. Marching up to Rafe, I grab his chin and force him to look at me. Those familiar glacial blue eyes are red. His pupils are blown wide and my chest cracks wide open. 

He’s high. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

This is what he wanted to do instead of being there for me. Instead of supporting me. Instead of loving me. 

Dying would be less painful.

 I stare directly into those eyes, searching for an answer, wondering when the love he felt for me slowly became indifference.

I’d almost rather there be a mistress rather than this cold indifference.

“Did you have fun at least?” My words are soft but the intention is anything but. 

He says nothing. Instead Rafe studies me like I’m a wounded animal. 

Dark. Beautiful. Cruel. 

Those are the words I’d use to describe the man in front of me. The gaze that once felt like a soft caress on my skin now felt clinical. 

“It seems like you’re having fun.” I quip, flicking the small bag filled with familiar white powder. 

I thought I could fix him. I will not make that mistake again.

“I completely forgot-“

“How?” I ask. 

His eyes narrow like he’s trying to figure me out. “Work got insanely busy. You know how it is. Even if I own the place, I’m young and the older guys don’t respect me.”

“It was in your work calendar.” 

“No, it wasn’t-“

“It was also on your personal calendar and our joint one. I had your assistant send you a reminder email. So my question is how?” My voice wobbled and it was only by a small miracle that I didn’t throw something in his face. “How did you forget the only thing I’ve asked you for?” 

Something flickered in his eyes. “It wasn’t intentional. It slipped my mind.”

“Something I worked so hard to accomplish just slipped your mind?” Exhaustion has finally got the better of me and I finally let him see just how much he’s managed to chip away. 

“I should have been there for you and I’m so sorry,” His throat flexed a hard swallow. “But there will be other dinners.” 

The dull ache in my chest thrummed harder. Rafe was brushing this off, just like he always did. My skin flushed. 

At my silence, he braces his elbows on his knees and leans forward, tracking my every move. “I feel like you’re not understanding me.”

“No, I understand you just fine. It just wasn’t important enough for you.”

He stilled. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Of course it wasn’t what he meant but he’s managed to make me feel so insignificant. So small. 

“I know that you’ve canceled most of our dates for work. Even an anniversary once. I know that you missed the grand opening of the shelter that I spent a year and half planning.” I force the words out, each breath I take feeling like needles. “I asked for this one thing, Rafe and you couldn’t even give me that.” 

“What about everything I have given you? This house, the car you drive in, the clothes on your back, the boat?”

It’s like I’m staring at 16 year old Rafe again. To him, material things were the equivalent to love. He couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I find that I was much happier when I had little to nothing, than I am now, sitting here with everything, in my gown and jewels. 

“I didn't ask for any of those things.” By the stubborn gleam in his eyes, I knew he was going to fight me on everything. 

Lately, his tactic was always combative and it was easier to give in or to not say anything at all. 

 “No, but you took them all the same. I fucked up, I get that. I know what this shelter means to you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t even have it if it weren’t for me.”

A familiar buzzing filled my ears. His words were ugly but they weren’t a lie. Even my project was his. I had nothing of my own.

I wonder how many other people came to the same revelation. Maybe that’s why so many of them asked where he was? Because this accomplishment wasn’t mine, no clearly it was his.

There is not enough room in my chest for the ache he caused. 

Words can’t seem to make it to my lips. I think my brain has finally broken and realizes that no words I say will get him to change. 

Smoothing out my dress, I stand on shaky legs before kicking off my heels. He can keep them. With that, I leave him out on the porch and make a beeline towards our his room. 

Opening the closet doors, I reach for the suitcase before setting it on the bed. I wasn’t going to be like Mrs. Dune and waste away beside a man that used to love me, hoping that one day he will once more. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” The words are hard and low. 

Rafe stands at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. His face is brewing with several emotions I can't quite place. 

It was funny. I haven't seen this much emotion from him in months.

I ignore him and toss some clothes from my dresser into the open suitcase, making sure to grab only the clothes I needed.

I slowly take off each piece of jewelry and set it on my vanity. He can keep everything he so gloriously mentioned he bought. 

“You loved me once.” I state, tilting my head to the side. I rake over every detail of his face, knowing I’ll never forget it. 

I loved him once too. 

His face morphed to one of confusion before disbelief. “I still love you. That’s never changed.” 

I shake my head. “Yes, it has.”

Rafe stalks towards me, his hand reaching to burl around my neck while the other pulls me to him by my waist. Familiar cologne fills my lungs and I count to ten mentally. It was the same cologne I bought him when we first started dating. 

“I work too much, I know. That’s my fault and I’ll cut back. I’ll be home more and we can spend time together. I’ll do better.” Taking my chin between two fingers, he forces my eyes to his. I see the sincerity in his eyes but I know how this goes. 

The same way it’s gone the last two times. He’ll beg me to stay, promise to change, and things will be good for a month before he slowly starts missing dates or canceling trips we’ve planned months before. Then the cycle repeats. 

“No.” It was time to love myself. Since he clearly couldn’t do it. I will not allow myself to get lost in him again. 

“Baby, just wait. Will you wait-“ He huffs as I try to move around him. No such success as his towering body has me moving back and suddenly I’m caged in by his arms. “Just give me a second, okay?”

“I’ve given you years. I won’t give you another second.” 

“Talk to me.” His voice breaks. “Please just talk to me.”

Longing filled my body. Words I’ve been waiting to hear for months come so easily to him, but only when I already have one foot out the door.

 “I’m alone.” The words come out strangled. “ I’m alone in this. I have been for a long time.”

“What do you mean? Baby, I’m right here.” Rafe’s gripping onto me tighter, almost like he’s ensuring I don’t leave. “I’m right here.”

“You're never here. That’s exactly my point.” 

Rafe’s eyes widen before he shakes his head wildly, staring at me like I’m speaking another language. “That’s not true-“

“What’s today?”

“What?” 

“What’s today?” I repeat, my eyes never leaving his. I want to see every emotion that storms in his eyes, just to remind myself that he is capable of emotion after all. 

“Friday.” 

I smile at him sadly. Exactly my point. “I haven't seen you since Tuesday.” 

“No, that can’t be right. I was with you when we had lunch with-“ He breaks off, reaching for his phone in his pocket. I watch as he pulls up his calendar, an action that mortifies me, and confirms our scheduled date.

 “Tuesday.” He whispers, shocked even. 

I wasn’t. Rafe had to check his calendar to confirm that last time he’s seen his fiancé. 

“You used to come bring me lunch. If you were more than a couple hours, you always found your way to me or gave me a call that you’ll be late.” I shrugged, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes. “Now, I don’t think I’d get a call if you were in the hospital.”

The buzzing in my ears intensifies.

 “You didn’t tell me any of this. None of how you were feeling and you're ready to walk out the door without so much as an argument.” A spark of my old Rafe appears as frustration dances across his face.

“I should have-“

“You’re giving up.” He states, shaking his head in anger. 

Maybe I was. “I’m tired of fighting for us. You gave up a long time ago.” 

Large hands curl around my cheeks, pulling me towards his face. Rafe rests his forehead on mine, his piercing blue eyes darting across my face in panic. 

“I love you. I love you.” He knows he’s grasping at straws, but we feel like strangers now. The words don’t feel like they used to. “You know I love you.”

 “This isn’t how I want to be loved, Rafe. I see you every couple days, the only time we’re ever together is when we have sex.” We lost sight of how we once were. The only thing that remained good between us was sex. 

That alone isn’t healthy. He goes to open his mouth but I cut him off.

“We never talk and when we do, you don’t even listen to me. Your brain is always somewhere else.” 

“I’m in a relationship with a ghost. I’m not letting you suck the life out of me anymore.” My eyes catch the sparkling ring that once brought me such happiness. Now, it simply feels like a ball and chain. 

Before I can convince myself otherwise, I start to tug it off my finger when Rafe truly begins to panic. 

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that.” I try to hand it to him but Rafe jolts back like he’s been burned. The look he gives my empty hand is nothing short of destroyed.

I think I’m going to throw up. His words are laced with raw grief that makes it hard for me to breathe.

“Put it back on.” I hear the slight tremble in his voice.

“No.” My lips wobble. 

“Please put it back on because if you don’t that means we’re over. That’s not us. We aren’t supposed to end.”

“Rafe, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“You’re ripping my fucking heart out of my chest. This isn’t anywhere near hard, it’s excruciating.” Rafe’s hand is notably shaking, but he tries to hide it by clenching and unclenching his palms. 

“Welcome to the last year of my life.” The words are brutal but he needs to hear them. 

“You promised me we’d never end.” 

“You promised to change. I guess we both lied.”

Rafe raises his voice, his arms thrown up in the air in clear distress, “How can you just stand there?”

It was a miracle I haven’t collapsed on my shaky legs yet. The adrenaline pumping though my veins was the only thing getting me through this torture. “Rafe, stop it.”

“You talk about indifference?” Rafe lets out a humorless laugh, shaking his head up at the ceiling. “Who’s heartless now, baby?”

“You don’t get to put this on me. I’ve given you years of my life, showered you with nothing but love and support. I asked for one night, one fucking night, in your busy schedule and you didn’t bother to show up, or send a simple text.” I intake a sharp breath, pushing the hair out of my face with a shaky hand. “Instead, you threw a party in our home and got high.”

I point a finger at his chest, staring at him with open heartbreak. “I needed you,” The tightness in my chest finally pops as I choke on a loud sob, “I needed you and you weren’t there.”

“I lost sight of what’s important to me. I’m just trying to give you everything-” I cut him off. 

Grabbing the clothes I haphazardly tossed in the suitcase, ”You want this? Take it,” I shove them into his chest, “Take all of it. I don’t want it. I’d give this all away in a heartbeat if it meant I could have you back.”

I meant every word. I wanted my best friend back, the person I confided in and depended on. I wanted our late nights back watching trashy reality TV. We used to sit in the bathtub together basking in each other's company. Went on walks along the beach or took the boat out for hours, fucking on the deck, not caring that anyone could see. 

It used to be simple. He loved me and I loved him. 

“I’m angry, baby.I’m so damn angry all the time. At my fucking dad for always having these impossible expections. Then he goes and dies, leaving me without a clue on how to manage everything.” Rafe sags against the wall, exhaustion marring his features, his blue eyes pleading for me to understand. “I feel like I’m drowning all the time.”

I had no idea this was how he was feeling. But, he never let me in. “You could have told me, we’re supposed to be partners in this. You asked me to marry you!”

I think deep down I know that he felt me slipping through his fingers at one point. He could see clearly how unhappy I’ve become and that’s why he proposed. And maybe just like him, I thought the proposal could fix us. This proposal was being manipulated on both ends, it was doomed from the start.

You can’t fix what’s already broken. 

“My head has basically been a war zone and I’m losing. The only thing keeping me sane is that I know, when I walk through that door,” he points to our bedroom door, “I’m going to find you in our bed. Every. Single. Night.” 

“I can’t let the ugly touch you.” My heart splits into two at his words. Words I know feel like acid leaving his mouth. “You’re the only thing I have left.”

“Then you should have taken better care of me. You should have let me take care of you.” 

“Fuck,” He screams, bending down and swiping the lamp clean of the nightstand. The lamp goes flying into the wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces and my eyes are drawn to them. I can’t help but think it reminds me of us.

Dragging my eyes back to his, I fight the urge to wrap him in my arms. Seeing him in pain has never brought me joy, but this was brutal. His eyes shined with unmistakable tears, realizing the strength of my resolve. 

There was no going back this time. There was no trying again. I didn’t have another try in me. 

I grip onto the fabric of my dress moving towards him, my heart pounding out of my chest. He moves instantly, holding out his hand to guide me over the shattered lamp. Why couldn’t he be like this months ago?

Why did he let it get this bad? Why couldn’t he love me?

Now, standing in front of him, I let myself one deep breath, basking in the comforting smell of him. A large hand curls around my neck, his grip strong and firm, demanding my attention. His blue eyes are daunting and so intense, I find myself fighting the urge to look away.

“I’m going to get you back.”

”Take it, Rafe.” I whisper, uncurling his limp hand, “Take it. It doesn’t mean what I want it to.”

Tears blur my vision as I fumble with the ring he refuses to take.

 Rafe shakes his head, clenching his jaw tightly. “There’s no point in taking it off if it’s gonna go right back there in a couple weeks. ”

I can’t help but smile at the determination in his voice. He sounds like the old Rafe and for a second I see a glimmer of who he used to be.

 He had me. Then he lost me. 

This is not how I want to be loved. 

“If spending the next few months without you means that I get to spend a lifetime with you, I can manage. I’ll do whatever I have to.  But don’t think for a second that there is anyone else on this entire fucking planet meant for you.”

That’s how I want to be loved. Too little too late.

I drop the ring.

[shurisasthmaticgf]

calling my boyfriend my husband to see his reaction: lando norris x black fem social media influencer! reader

authors note: lets all pretend this trend isn't old now :) also feedback is highly appreciated and encouraged 🫶🏽

tw// anxiety mention, internet translated spanish

you looked into the lens of your vlogging camera and sighed deeply in frustration, bringing your hands to your head and smoothing your palms over your slicked back hair. nearly a year ago you'd made reservations to visit the Canary Islands with your best friend as a girls trip. when the two of you were younger you'd learned about the islands during a geography class and promised one another that you'd visit when you all were older. the reality of being an adult in your young 20s hit harder than a freight train and the two of you nearly gave up on the trip as a whole because it was so costly. however, when your social media career took off and the brand endorsements, monetization, partnerships, and other deals rolled in the ability to take the trip became a reality.

now, you were only a week away from flying into Gran Canaria and of course a problem came up with the reservation for your first hotel. you explained in a whisper to the camera in front of you, "so i've been trying to fix this problem with our reservations. basically, they've cancelled one of the rooms and i've been emailing back and forth for two days and it's not getting anywhere so i'm gonna go call on the phone and see if that works better." you held your phone in one hand and paced around your hotel room, adding and taking things out of your suitcase nervously.

you muted yourself and picked up your camera to move to another room instead. peeking from behind the door your spoke quietly, "well, while we wait for someone to answer i've been wanting to do this tiktok trend and lando isn't doing anything...oddly enough so i'm taking my chance." a smile crept onto your face as your rounded the corner and saw your boyfriend sitting on the sofa typing away on his laptop. you placed your vlogging camera down on the table in the middle of the room so it still showed you in the frame. then, you moved and sat on the other end of the sofa and stretched your legs out so your feet were just touching the side of his thigh. he lightly flicked your socked foot with one of his fingers and wrinkled his nose, "your feet stink." the eye roll you made made him laugh and you shot back, "you're just smelling your upper lip." he pulled one of the throw pillows from behind his back and tossed it lightly at your face, "no that's your feet, you muppet." you burst into a fit of laughter and pulled the pillow into your chest, squeezing it when you heard the hold music stop on your phone.

an older man on the other line answered, "hello miss?" you unmuted yourself and responded, "yes?" he quickly informed you, "all of our english speaking representatives are busy right now please continue to hold." before you could even respond he put you back on hold making you clench your fist and raise it to the phone. your boyfriend asked you, "what's going on?" you swallowed back your frustration and explained, "the reservations jada and I have for our first hotel were cancelled or something because they're not showing up in my email or anything and i've been trying to sort it out for two days over email and nothing worked so now i'm calling and they don't have any representatives available. i told them i can use a spanish speaker but they cut me off and i just don't have time for this. i'm freaking out because we get back to monaco in two days and the guest room isn't ready and jada is flying in right after we get back. and on top of it i didn't remember to book a hair appointment while we were here so i'm gonna have to go on vacation with my natural hair- i'm gonna have to wear a swim cap in the ocean-" the minute that last realization dawned on you tears began to well in your eyes. you felt your stomach drop and your chest tighten as you were reminded of the many things you had to get done in a short time span. a heavy feeling of panic coursed through your veins in the most nauseating and unsettling way possible.

before you could even spiral further into a full blown anxiety attack lando cut you off, "hey hey take a deep breath. relax for me okay? don't get yourself worked up, we can fix this, yeah?" he held one of your socked feet in his hand, his thumb and pointer finger pressing into a specific spot on your foot out of routine habit. he asked you, "do you remember i had to put two of the reservations under my name?" when your brows furrowed he reminded you, "they were telling you that there weren't any rooms available so we called back later and they found a room for you and under my name." suddenly you did in fact remember that small detail from a year ago that slipped your mind the minute after it was handled. a soft, "oh....y'know after you said that it's now starting to ring some bells." an awkward laugh fell past your lips and you wiped the tear that only made it halfway down your cheek.

lando let his thumb rub circular motions into the pressure point on your foot as he continued, "baby, don't worry about your hair, we can find a stylist to do it before we leave even if you have to stay an extra day and fly back without me. when we get home i'll help you pack your bags so it can get done faster, okay? the guest room is ready because i set it up before we left because i knew you'd worry. everything will be fine, angel." you sniffled and mumbled through a pout, "thank you..." you slowed your breathing, thanking the gods above that your boyfriend was literally perfect.

right as you were about to thank lando, the representative on the phone ended the hold music. quickly you picked up the phone and rushed out, "hello? hola?" a woman now spoke on the other line, "buenos días señora. me dijeron que creías que una de sus reservas había sido cancelada sin su aprobación, ��es correcto?" you immediately switched from english and answered, "sí, me equivoqué. mi esposo colocó la reserva a su nombre en lugar del mío cuando hicimos la reserva el año pasado. " "Good morning ma'am. They told me that you believed one of their bookings had been cancelled without their approval, is that correct?" // "Yes, I was wrong. My husband placed the reservation in his name instead of mine when we made the reservation last year."

lando's head shot up from his laptop when he heard the word "esposo". although his spanish vocabulary was extremely limited, he recognized a few words, and he knew for a fact that you just called him your husband. you pretended not to notice him staring at you as the representative responded, "entiendo que esto sucede muy a menudo con nuestros huéspedes y sus cónyuges." you lightly chuckled and replied, "sí, ¡especialmente cuando la reserva se hizo hace tanto tiempo! pero, antes de colgar. ¿podrían confirmar la reserva si les digo el nombre de mi esposo?" I understand that this happens very often with our guests and their spouses. // yes, especially when the reservation was made so long ago! but, before hanging up. could you confirm the booking if I tell you my husband's name?

your boyfriend watched mesmerized as the foreign language fell effortlessly past your lips. studying in both high school and university left you with a high level of understanding to the point where you could speak well if you chose to...much to his dismay, you often refused because you were convinced you didn't "speak it right". in the back of your head you knew he'd remind you of this as a way to hear you speak spanish more often, even if he didn't understand much of it.

the representative asked in english, "what is the name?" you tried to hide the smug tone and grin as you responded clearly, "my husband's name is lando norris." your eyes remained glued on the pillow between your arms until you slowly dragged your gaze to meet his. that same look that made his whole body heat up with one simple stare, and if you hadn't lifted your head and smiled brightly things would have turned out much differently in that moment. the representative snapped him out of his thoughts when he happily confirmed that the reservation still stood before you hung up.

not even a second after your phone was off lando looked at you expectantly making you laugh. pretending not to notice anything you stood up and said, "i'm going to go call jada and tell her everything is fine." as you shuffled away lando stood up and looped his thumb gently through the strands of beads that sat between your waist and hips. you turned to face him and felt his warm hands against the small of your back, toying with the glass beads until he felt the one he claimed as his. you shyly asked, "why are you staring at me like that?"

your boyfriend asked, "your husband? you want to marry me?" you turned your head away to dodge his kisses and said playfully, "no i just said that so the guy would give me the information i wanted. it was a name drop and a tiktok trend, nothing more." lando slipped his hands from beneath your shirt and squeezed your side suddenly making you jump in surprise, "stop it that tickles!" he pushed you gently back to the sofa, not letting up and saying, "not until you admit that you actually love me." you tapped out on his back and caved not even ten seconds later, "fine! i love you now stop it i can't breathe!" instantly his hands were off of your stomach and grinned cheekily, "i love you too."

fans reactions to the vlog upload:

[flythesail]

There's too many shows over the past two years that I've fallen in love with only to end up miserable when they're canceled. And every time I tell myself this is the last time!! I won't get attached to another show only to lose it!! But of course, here we are again with the Acolyte. It's just devastating because that's why these shows are created. So people can fall in love with them and connect with them and see themselves represented or even just get to experience a story that means something to them. Which is what makes it so hard. Because I don't want to set myself up for the loss, but I genuinely love storytelling more than anything else in the world. And when a group of people put their hearts into creating something that's MEANT to be shared, I want to be a part of that. The excitement of waiting for the next episode, the theorizing, the bonding with other fans over silly posts or art or gifs or fics or anything else we create. So it just sucks. It's like being punished for caring. Right now it especially sucks when there was so much left to be explored whether that be oshamir, Qimir's backstory, the loss of Mae's memories, or even Darth Plagueis. Yet having been here before, I know there will come a day when there's the gratitude of having gotten one season at all. To have Amandla and Manny as our leads. A showrunner who loved star wars and wanted to write it for the people it's often... not for. They gave us something new and now it will be forever incomplete, but there's something to be said of the fact that it got to exist at all.

[lucy90712]

Can you do a imagine where gavi is pretending to be mad at y/n and y/n doing several cute tactics to make him happy and he is just secretly enjoying it🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🥺🥺🥺🥺

My last lecture today got cancelled so I was able to get home before Pablo gets home from training. Quite often he gets home before me and he usually leaves before me but we mostly get to spend the evening together even if I have assignments I will do them sat with Pablo. Our schedules can be intense but we have made things work so we always get to spend time together and when one of us is having a hard time the other does things to help out. We are a good team together which I think has helped us stay in a strong and happy relationship for the last two years. 

While I waited for Pablo to come home I had my laptop out and worked on an essay that I have for one of my classes. I didn't get to do that for long before the front door opened and Pablo walked in and threw his bag and shoes on the floor. Straight away I could tell he wasn't in a good mood something had annoyed him and he was trying to keep himself calm. He didn't notice that I was home at first but when he did I noticed the look in his eyes soften a bit as he never likes to take out his frustration on me which he's not perfect with but he tries and that's all I care about. Today I could tell he needed something to make him forget about today so I forgot about my essay and decided I'd make him his favourite snack to see if that would cheer him up a little bit. 

Pablo has always loved my homemade cookies so I made a batch as quickly as I could and put them in the oven as they only take 10 minutes to cook. While I waited Pablo went and showered and changed so by the time he was back downstairs the cookies were done so I put a few on a plate and gave them to him. He ate one of them and then halved the second to give some to me and I can't lie they were good but they didn't really seem to cheer Pablo up as much as I thought it would. Whatever happened while he was gone must've been worse than I thought as usually cookies does the trick but I'll have to get more creative today it seems. 

In the past when Pablo has had a bad day he likes to watch a sitcom so I thought I'd try putting Brooklyn nine nine on as we've watched that together before and he liked it. Today however it didn't seem to make any difference he just sat there staring at the screen not even smiling in the slightest. I would just ask him what's wrong but I've learnt the hard way that it's not always the best idea to do that as it can just make him more annoyed if he doesn't want to talk and it seems like he won't want to talk about whatever's bothering him today. As a sitcom wasn't working I thought maybe his favourite show might cheer him up but yet again it did nothing his eyebrows were still furrowed and he had a look of annoyance in his eyes. 

After that didn't work I tried every other trick I have up my sleeve from showing him tiktoks of cats I saved to cuddling with him as he loves to cuddle but none of my tricks seemed to work. That's when it hit me that he might be mad at me and that's why nothing I do works as he just doesn't want to be around me. I can't think of anything I would've done to make him mad but then again he can get mad over the most random things sometimes. Seeing as I couldn't make him feel better and may be making him feel worse I decided to just take myself upstairs and work on my essay to give him time to be on his own and hopefully be less mad. 

I tried working on my essay but I couldn't stop thinking about what I possibly could've done to make Pablo mad. We didn't fight before he left for training and we were texting before my lecture and during his break in training and he seemed fine then so I don't know what I've done wrong. Thinking about all of that just made me upset as I never like fighting with Pablo as he's not just my boyfriend he's my best friend too there is no one I'd rather spend my time with than him so when he doesn't want to be around me it hurts. Focusing on my essay went out the window quite quickly when tears started to fall from my eyes as I was so worried about whether Pablo will want to break up with me because I can't handle that right now. 

As my tears started to flow properly I had to stifle my sobs so Pablo didn't hear me as I don't need him knowing that I'm crying over seemingly nothing. That's when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I panicked thinking Pablo had heard me crying and was going to yell at me for being too emotional. As the footsteps got closer I desperately tried to wipe the tears from my face so if he comes in here I can try and pretend I haven't been crying. Just as I feared Pablo opened the bedroom door and of course he could tell I'd been crying as I know my eyes and face were still red and puffy. He didn't say anything just walked to the bed and sat next to me so he could pull me into his arms which I really didn't expect. I looked up at him to see if he still looked mad but he didn't his expression had softened and if anything he looked like he felt guilty. 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you mad" I said 

"It's ok you didn't make me mad" he said 

"Then what made you so mad that nothing cheered you up?" I asked 

"Training was frustrating and the guys kept making fun of me so I was just in a bad mood then I came home and you made me cookies which did make me feel better but then I wanted to see what else you would do to make me feel better but I see now that doing that was a bad idea” he said 

"So you aren't mad at me?" I asked

"No not at all and I'm sorry that I did that I really didn't mean to make you cry in fact that's the last thing I wanted I can promise you I'll never even do that again I'll always communicate my feelings with you so this doesn't happen again" he apologised 

"You better not do this again" I laughed 

"I definitely won't and I'm going to make it up to you" he said

He started on making it up to me straight away by laying down and getting me to cuddle into his chest as he knows that's my favourite way to cuddle. That wasn't the only thing he did he also played with my hair as he knows that I like that and he gave me a lot of kisses which always make me happier. We spent most of the rest of the day cuddling the only time we stopped was when Pablo ordered food from my favourite restaurant for dinner even though I'd told him I'd forgiven him already he insisted that he still had more to do to make up for making me cry which he said he was going to do for the rest of the week which is fine by me if it means I get to spend quality time with him. 

[iamnotoriginalphil]

School Reunion (Larissa Weems x f!Reader)

Synopsis: Larissa needs help, leading to you taking up the role of her girlfriend for a night

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: mentions of alcohol

You hesitated knocking on the door. You’d been stopped on your way to the dining hall by Larissa’s assistant. You’d been told she’d locked herself in her office, cancelled all her appointments and had been heard pacing for the last few hours. It wasn’t hard to figure out something had happened.

The trouble was, it was well known that in these situations you were the only one who was able to calm her down again. You didn’t know if it was your long standing friendship or your presence being calming, but you could usually talk her off the edge of the cliff. This time though, you weren’t quite sure what you’d find. She was usually so much better about not letting it occur during the work day, saving it for after hours when she wasn’t trying to run the school.

Sighing, you knocked. You ignored the muffled shout at you to go away, pressing your hand to the doorknob and concentrating until you heard it click.

Inside the office wasn’t quite the war zone you were expecting. Larissa was halfway between her desk and the door, fury on her face. You ignored her, closing the door with a soft click and locking it again, mostly for her comfort.

“I told you to go away,” she snarled.

“Yes. You were quite forceful about it,” you said.

“Not forceful enough it seems.”

She resumed her pacing and you took a moment to watch her. Even in this state of anger she still managed to make your heart pound double time. You had never told her, but somewhere between being her employee and being her friend, you’d managed to fall for her so completely it was like no one else existed for you.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on or should I just open the wine?” you asked.

She waved her hand at you and you waited patiently. It wasn’t an answer, and if she wanted something from you she had to say it. Her steps slowed and she sighed.

“It’s our thirty year reunion this weekend,” she said, “and Morticia just RSVP’d that she and Gomez will be attending.”

“You assumed they wouldn’t?” you asked, finally venturing further into the room.

“They haven’t to any before now. Not that I’ve been to any either, but I can hardly miss it now it’s going to be occurring here,” she said, sinking down into one of the chairs in front of the fire. She buried her face in her hands.

“And you don’t want to see her.” It wasn’t a question, but she nodded anyway.

“She has the perfect life. Rich, beautiful, and married after playing with my heart while we were all at school together” You ignored the disappointment and jealousy rearing its ugly head, “I don’t want her to see me still alone.”

“Well, you could always bring a date,” you replied, slipping into the other chair.

She snorted, “right. Sure. Who’d go with me to my school reunion?”

“I would.”

She turned to look at you, eyes widening. You hadn’t meant to say it but now you were going to stick by your guns. You’d love to be her date. You really wanted to be her date.

“We’ll just pretend I’m your girlfriend or wife or whatever,” you said, “they’ll never know. Rub it in their faces that you have someone and you’re happy and successful and killing it.”

“You’d really do that for me?” Hope filled her face and all you wanted to do was agree to anything that would keep that look on her face.

“Of course.”

Which is all to explain how you found yourself standing in the decorated hall, watching Larissa greet some of her old schoolmates. Resplendent in a bright red dress, skin tight, showing off every curve, watching her was making your mouth water and your heart beat double time. Your fingers itched to touch her.

Purely under the guise of being her girlfriend for the night, of course.

You knew the moment Morticia and Gomez entered the room, her entire body stiffening. You turned, plucking up two glasses of wine, wending your way through the crowd.

“And this is truly a show stopping dress,” you heard Morticia say. The smile turned brittle on Larissa’s face.

“I thought it was time for a top up,” you said, sidling up to her side.

She turned, relief flooding her face. You passed over the glass of wine, biting down on your lip when her fingers brushed yours. Shaking it off, you slid your arm around her waist, relaxing as hers came to rest around your shoulders.

“You must be Morticia,” you said, turning to the other woman who’s eyebrows had risen in surprise, “Larissa has told me so much about you.”

“Nothing untrue,” Larissa replied and you looked up at her, knowing every single thing she’d said about Morticia and how little of it had been kind.

“Larissa, I was unaware you had such a captivating paramour,” Morticia said, offering you what you were sure she thought was a winning smile. You could see it, if she’d been your type, but you were more interested in a very specific type of woman.

“Yes, we have kept it rather discreet,” she replied, with a small laugh, “we can hardly act as teenagers and maintain our professionalism.”

“As long as it’s not due to any shame,” Morticia said, also laughing. Larissa’s fingers tightened on your shoulder. You had to bite back a growl at the implication. As if anyone would be ashamed of Larissa.

“I am so glad to hear you’ve found as much happiness as I have with my darling Tish,” Gomez said, stepping forward to join the conversation.

Morticia turned, hand coming to cup his cheek. He gazed up at her with a doting look on his face and she murmured something under her breath to him before their lips met. You looked away, having no wish to witness that.

“So how did you two love birds meet?” Morticia asked once they resurfaced.

“I began working here at Nevermore,” you said, glancing up at the woman in your arms.

“And I was smitten from the first moment,” Larissa said.

“How could anyone turn down this woman?” you asked, knowing full well she’d been turned down by the very woman instigating the conversation, “she is nothing less than incredible.”

She turned to look down at you, eyes widening a touch in surprise. You smiled up at her, shuffling just a little closer to nudge her. Her answering smile could light up the room.

“It is so nice to see it finally working out for you, Larissa,” Morticia said, interrupting the moment.

You both turned to look at her in tandem. You pressed yourself against her side, not bothering with propriety, just wanting the barbed digs from her ex to stop. She didn’t deserve to be talked to that way. Her hand on your shoulder tightened, almost painfully.

“I suppose it just took until finding the right person,” she replied, “it’s made everything else worth going through to find her.”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” you said, the words nothing but truth.

The way she looked at you, you were worried she’d heard the truth ringing in them. You bit down on your lower lip, her eyes flicking down to it. Heat coursed through your veins. It was all beginning to feel a little too real.

“Truly a real life miracle for you, Larissa,” Morticia interrupted before you could expose yourself any more than you already had.

Something in Larissa’s face tightened as she turned back to her old friend. She opened her mouth just as the song changed.

“Oh I love this song,” you said brightly, as if the whole conversation hadn’t been full of landmines, “may I have this dance, sweetheart?”

She plucked the wine glass from your hand.

“Would you mind?” she said, passing them over to Morticia without waiting for an answer.

She threaded her fingers through yours, tugging you onto the dance floor. You slipped your arms around her neck, grinning as her hands settled on your waist, a touch unsure.

“You’re doing amazing,” you murmured, just loud enough to hear you over the music.

“Really?” You hated how unsure she sounded.

“You’ve got this,” you said, “and I’m right here with you through it all.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” There was so much wonder in her face. Your heart skipped a beat and for a moment you forgot it was all fake.

You swayed to the music, focusing at something over your shoulder if only to keep from getting lost in her eyes. You just had to get through the weekend without your heart getting too entangled. Her hands slid down to your hips, tugging you half a step closer.

“What are you thinking about?”

She was still looking at you as if she wanted to unpack every little thing about you. You shook your head.

“Nothing,” you replied.

“I lost you there for a moment.”

“I was caught up thinking about how wonderful spending this time with you is,” you said, smiling at her, hoping she wouldn’t read how many feelings were behind it.

“Careful, I’ll grow used to hearing these things from you and then you’ll never be rid of me,” she said, smiling too.

“I hope I am never rid of you.”

Her eyes sparkled and something shifted in her face. Your thumb brushed against her pulse point and her eyelids fluttered closed. She seemed to tense under your touch. You drew your hands back.

“Sorry,” you said, not able to look at her.

“No, it’s okay,” she said, grip on your hips tightening, “it’s all part of the ruse, right?”

“Of course.” Your heart dropped.

You placed your hands back on her shoulders, swaying in time with the music, but the bubble was broken. Of course she was just playing the part of doting girlfriend, any truth was coming all from your side. Someone as amazing as her deserved so much better than you.

“Do you want another drink?” she asked.

“God, yes,” you sighed, “please.”

Her hand was warm in yours as she led you off the dance floor. You rested your head against her shoulder as she got you a cup of the punch. She turned, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear after passing you the cool glass. She lent towards you, breath ghosting over your skin. You shivered as her lips brushed against the shell of your ear.

“Morticia seems to be furious,” she whispered, “who knew you were such an accomplished actress?”

You turned your head, nose brushing against her cheek. You were so close you could kiss her. You wanted to. The desperation must have been showing on your face. She pressed a lingering kiss to your cheek, so close to the corner of your mouth. You took a shaky breath in you were sure she must have heard it.

“She keeps looking over at us,” she murmured as she drew back.

“I’m glad we’re putting no a good show then,” you replied, almost keeping your voice steady.

She quirked an eyebrow at you but you didn’t have an answer for her. Instead you took a drink from your glass, a small dribble coming out the corner of your mouth. She chuckled, thumb swiping away the wetness along your lips.

You didn’t think, nipping at the pad of her thumb. A pretty blush bloomed over her cheeks and her eyes darkened. Your eyes widened and your breath stilled. The way she was looking at you made you tremble. You felt heat bloom low in your stomach.

“You love birds look as if you’re in need of some privacy.”

You jerked away from Larissa, heart hammering in your chest. You couldn’t bare to look at either her or Morticia as you tried to wrestle your control back. It wasn’t happening.

“I know you’re concerned about students but there are no students here,” Morticia continued when it became clear she wasn’t going to get an answer, “surely you can give your love a kiss instead of forcing her to wait.”

“Some of us have more self discipline than others, Morticia,” Larissa replied, a hand slipping around your waist, resting on the swell of your hip, “our relationship is not on display for everyone.”

“Just one little kiss,” Morticia wheedled, “unless perhaps you’ve been overstating your relationship.”

It was a goading attack but you knew the moment Larissa made her mind up. Stiffening beside you, you turned to tell off Morticia. A warm hand cupped your cheek, turning you further towards Larissa.

You froze under the brush of her lips. She kissed you harder and you couldn’t do anything but wait for it to be done. Once she drew back your heart began hammering again.

“I’m sorry, I have to…”

You couldn’t look at them, unable to form a proper excuse before you turned on your heels and strode out of the room. You didn’t know where you were going, only knowing you needed some space from the woman you could still taste on your lips.

The night air hit you like a truck as you emerged in the quad. You took a shuddering breath in, stopping, wrapping your arms around yourself. Tears gathered in your eyes and all you could do was curse yourself for agreeing to this, knowing it would ruin your heart.

The air changed and you knew someone was behind you. Larissa said your name, achingly apologetic. You shook your head, refusing to turn around.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, “we never discussed if that was okay and I overstepped. I lose all control when it comes to her. It’s like I see red. I’m so sorry for allowing you to end up on the receiving end of that.”

“It’s okay,” you said, hating how choked up you sounded.

“Clearly it’s not.

“It’s not important,” you said, “I’m sorry if I ruined it with Morticia.”

“I don’t care about that.”

Strong hands landed on your shoulders, turning you to look at her. Fingers on your chin lifted your face until you were looking at her and it was like your chest broke open at the expression on her face. Her thumb brushed over your cheek, wiping away the tears.

“I care about you being okay.”

“I’ll be fine,” you replied, “you should go back in. Give my apologies. I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”

“You haven’t ruined anything,” she said, “please tell me what’s wrong. Please.”

“I shouldn’t have said suggested this. I wanted to help you out so desperately but I knew it was a bad idea,” you said.

“It was a wonderful idea, darling,” she replied, cutting you off before you could continue.

“Not for me. I just…” You squeezed your eyes closed, “Larissa, I have feelings for you and I know you don’t feel the same but pretending with you is killing me. I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

“Who said I don’t feel the same?”

Your eyes snapped open. She was looking down at you, still worried but there was a smile curling the corner of her mouth.

“What?”

“Darling, I’m hardly going to agree to pose as a couple with someone I didn’t have feelings for. I thought you were the one pretending for my sake,” she replied.

“I don’t…” You couldn’t wrap your mind around what she was saying.

“You’re my entire world, darling. And I’d really like to kiss you for real now.”

You didn’t give her the chance. You pulled her down into a bruising kiss, laughing and crying and unable to stop. She was kissing you back, her tongue stroking along your bottom lip until you gasped and it swept into your mouth. You were clutching at her and everything was so intense it was making your entire mind blank.

“See, cara mia, I told you they were okay.”

You broke away, peeking over her shoulder. Gomez and Morticia were standing in the doorway, watching the two of you. Morticia’s lips were pressed together and her hand appeared to be gripping Gomez’s arm tightly. He, however, was smiling.

“I think Morticia was right,” you said. Larissa turned to look at you sharply, “I think we do need some privacy.”

Her face broke into a bright smile, her thumb brushing away the last of your tears. You hummed, slipping your hand into hers and dragging her past the Addams couple with a bright smile and a murmured goodnight.

The mingled anger and jealousy on Morticia’s face was just the cherry on top of the cake.

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

The absurdity and stupidity of all shitflix cancelations lies in one simple question: How many of those canceled shows have you actually heard of before they got canceled?

- Warrior Nun - never heard of it until the moment I started seeing its fans spamming every shitflix post. And that was its second season. It had two seasons, for fucks sake, and most of us have never heard of it. You wanna know whose fault that is? Let me give you a hint. No, it's not the viewing numbers.

- First Kill (or whatever its name is) - Never heard of it until, once again, I saw people complaining about the cancelation under shitflix posts. Once again, guess whose fault that is.

- Santa Clarita Diet - Never heard of it. Didn't even know it was canceled until it made it to the list of pissed of people counting how many of them they axed. Whose fault is that?

- Inside Job - Yeah, never heard of it until it got canceled. Also, canceled after they renewed it. Shitflix: guess we changed our minds.

- Archive 81 - Heard of it when the cancelation was announced.

- The OA - Remember just hearing about it through the fog, even though it came out years ago.

- Sense 8 - know about it only thanks to fans' videos and fanart. I don't remember shitflix ever mentioning it.

- Lockwood & Co - I know about it thanks to fans spamming posts asking for renewal news.

And the list goes on with, I assume, shows I have never heard of.

I've never seen any of these shows, but my open wound is 1899 that I believe got treated the dirtiest of them all.

I have heard of it two years before the premiere, thanks to a 50 seconds long teaser that got me patiently waiting for years because it was my cup of tea. It came from the people who proved themselves before by creating a critically acclaimed show that you can find on a top 10 list of greatest shows of all time. Those people have spent years developing a new filming technique for shitflix. What a way to say thank you.

8 out of 10 people around me have seen 1899. Those people haven't even seen GoT or LotR for fucks sake, the most famous show and movie ever, but they have seen 1899. But not because shitflix promoted it, but because people did.

There was zero promotion, zero cast interviews, zero mentions after the release. It was still watched and talked about by so many people. It has more viewing hours than their hit shows running for 3+ seasons put together. It's a show you can't just binge and forget, you have to actually turn your fucking brain on. It was released in the most busy time of the year, during the damn World Cup and winter holidays. It was still number one for weeks. It was given less than 30 days. They decided to cancel it before it even premiered. They deleted the trailer with 10+ million views from YT.

The same goes with other shows. I have seen zero cast interviews, zero promotion or mentions by their own platform and they still have loyal fan bases that didn't stop talking about them.

But then you have dogshit shows like the Night agent that is getting hyped by shtflix every single fucking day. Fake numbers, pumped up to get people to watch a generic, a hundred times seen before, piece of crap. It got more hype than fucking GoT, and yet I know zero people who have actually watched it. Yep, there is no one I know, in real life or online, that has actually watched this show. So you figure it out.

People who have watched the shows I've mentioned probably have the statistics for them, and have probably seen the viewing hours being blamed for it, which was bullshit.

The latest nail in the coffin was Lockwood & Co. They kept fans waiting for months, and then they announced the cancelation during Eurovision so that fans wouldn't be able to go viral about it because everyone talked about fucking Eurovision.

Shitflix has canceled 26 sci-fi/fantasy shows in the last 3 years. 26! Do you all remember when we couldn't even name 26 shows of all genres put together, let alone watch them?

What all these shows had in common is that they were original and more or less unique and creative, not something you can find at least 6 copies of in either streaming or network TV.

It's like they created all these shows just so they can cancel them, because they are doing their best to actually burn every trace they ever existed.

Shitflix is killing creativity in every form, but in the end, that will be their undoing.

[pollyna]

Tom is fifty-one when he enters a tattoo parlour for the first time. He says "Hello, I'm here to fix an appointment for a tattoo", showing the girl behind the desk two pictures of a robot. He walks out, ten minutes later, with $100 of deposit left behind and an appointment for two weeks from that moment.

(To be there at that time, he has to reschedule half of the meetings and the hirings that day so that his secretary looks at him like he lost his mind for the rest of the day.)

(At the tattoo patrol, Mindy signs the appointment as "Tom the hot dilf", Caleb laughs, "So you want this one?" and Mindy answers, "If you don't let me tattoo him, I'm going to make sure you're not available that day." All smiles and sunshine

(Mindy can be scary when she wants.)

It's Wednesday, and Tom is early, but what's new about that? Mindy is already waiting for him, a cup of coffee between her hands while she explains her ideas for the tattoos he showed her.

"What's the story behind this?" she asks, while she starts tracing the lines on Tom's body.

"I'm-" Tom starts before stopping once and then a second time.

"Sorry, I'm noisy. Don't feel like you have to share." She smiles, biting the inside of her cheek, trying not to blush too much.

"No, it's not a problem. I'm not very used to talking about this stuff with strangers," he answers a couple of seconds later, making a strange expression when the needles trace over a particularly sensitive area on his skin. "I'm in the Navy, and I'm gay. I thought that the Navy would have been my whole life, with nothing behind it, and if something was not surely the family I wanted, then something happened, and I got the whole package: a husband and baby. We were watching the iron giant when he presented me with the papers to legally become his dad. A little after that, he walked out our door, and I hadn't seen him for ten years. And now I'm in a position comfortable enough to get a tattoo because the only person who's going to ask me to strip when I'm at work is my doctor, and I know him for long enough; he won't rattle me out," he finishes, laughing softly. "I hope—I know getting inked won't solve the situation, but I hope my boy will like it whenever he sees it."

Mindy has to stop working to pick up a couple of tissues for Tom and herself.

"I'm sure he is going to love it."

"I really hope so; I really do."

(Mindy gives a brownie to Tom with all the instructions on how to take care of the tattoo, and she gets to give him a hug too, just before he walks out of the shop. When Tom hugs her back, she thinks the guy, whoever he is, must have been the luckiest son of a bitch because her dad never gave him such a food hug.

Three years later, a tall, curly guy walks in, followed by a man she is sure she has already seen somewhere.

"Tom!" She smiles. "It's unfair how you got even hotter since the last time I saw you," she says, all cheeky and smiley.

A man behind Tom, whom she hadn't noticed before, laughs. "Yeah, Tom, you get unfairly hot for sure," he says, looking at the man, batting his long eyelashes, and smiling all sweetly at him.

"Please, dads, not here too," the taller guy says, a hand already covering his face. "Can you guys stop flirting for two seconds? Please?"

"To be fair, I would flirt with him too, and even more openly, if he were my husband," Mindy answers. "So you're the kid?"

"Yeah," he says, a hand flying to his pocket. "I would like to take an appointment to have this tattooed."

He says this, showing her a drawing of a bolt.

"I have a spot now, if you want. One client cancelled their appointment yesterday."

The guy smiles at her before turning to the two men. "You don't have to stick around; I can take a cab home after."

"Nah, baby goose, we will get cosy on the couch and wait for you," the short man answers before taking Tom's hand in his and turning towards the couch.

"See you later, baby goose," Tom adds, a hand on his cheek. "We're going where you left us."

The guy smiles softly, almost a little lost. "I see you later than, papa."

The last thing Mindy sees before closing the door behind them is Tom kissing the other man's forehead while his hands rest over the place Mindy tattooed Tom years ago.

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Base of Operations | Kyle x F!Reader

AN: My almost late submission for Gaz fest. I will hopefully get my other WIP out today. S/O to @glitterypirateduck for organizing this 💞

You're gravely injured (on your period) so the brave Sgt. Garrick (your boyfriend) sets up a base of operations (a pillow fort in the living room) in order to nurse you back to health (give you a massage)

You watched from your curled up position in bed as Kyle walked around collecting every blanket, pillow and plush in the apartment.

"What are you doing?" You frowned as he took the spare comforter out of the bedroom closet.

"What do you mean?" He asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Taking all the bed stuff." You groaned. It was the worst day of your period, when all you wanted to do was sleep to try and forget about the pain in your abdomen. You were already upset that you'd have to cancel your and Kyle's lunch date.

"You'll see." He grinned before disappearing again. You laid back down in bed, too tired to even think up ideas for his mysterious plan.

"Hey beautiful, how are you feeling?" You'd fallen asleep again, Kyle was was waking you up with gentle cheek strokes. "I have something to show ya. Come here."

He wrapped your arms around his neck and scooped you out of bed. Sleep still pulled on your eyes as you yawned against his chest. He was the most doting partner you'd ever had. Despite the long gaps of time you spent apart the two of you were always able to pick up right where you stopped. He always arrived back home with flowers for you, you always had his favorite take out waiting for him. You spent the first day in bed, cuddling, watching movies and on occasion doing more strenuous activities. You kept waiting for the end of the so called "honeymoon phase" but it never came. After almost two years you and Kyle were just as obsessed with each other and in love as ever.

"Kyle..." You found yourself speechless as you saw his completed project. He'd made an extravagant blanket fort in the living room, complete with fairy lights, heat pad and snacks.

"We can still have our romantic date if you want." He said, lips pressed against your forehead. "It looks like a pretty romantic spot if you ask me."

"Are you asking me out?" You looked up at him with a cheeky smile.

"Only if you're saying yes. Don't want to embarrass myself."

"I would love to go on a date with you, Kyle."

"Brilliant." With you still in his arms, he knelt down and helped you into the fort. You laid on your stomach with the heat pad against your abdomen. His laptop was in there, open up to the beginning of a movie along with a tray filled with an array of your favorite snacks. Everything from candy to crisps to biscuits and fruit.

It tugged at your smile as you thought about your previous partners who never seemed to take your pain seriously. The people who got annoyed when you said you didn't feel like going out or encouraged you to take ibuprofen and 'toughen up'. As Kyle straddled your legs and began rubbing your lower back you felt tears start to roll down your cheeks. He always made you feel cared for. Just seeing his smile made your heart feel lighter.

"Iloveyou." You said wetly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He moved to lay his head next to yours and wipe your face. "Didn't hurt ya, did I?"

"No. I just..I just love you." You wrapped your arms and legs around him, burying your face in his neck. His favorite cologne had become an instant relaxant for you. It's what home smelled like. It's what your bed smelled like, your favorite sweater, your car, the couch.

"We're a team. I'll always take care of you." He kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms around you, using his palm to rub the small of your back. "I love you so much."

He kissed the tip of your nose.

"Let's just relax, yeah? You and me." He pulled a blanket over the two of you. "Whatever movie you want to watch and..." he checked his watch. "our dinner should be arriving in about thirty minutes."

"You're too good to me," You smiled.

"I don't think that's possible." He pressed his forehead against yours. "You're the most important thing in my life. Just don't tell my mum that."

You both laughed and he finished wiping away any stray tears. You decided on Paddington for the first movie of the evening. Kyle keeping a close watch as you teared up during certain scenes. He waited on you, hand and foot, for the rest of the evening. Making sure your heating pad was always warm, you had enough water and painkillers, rubbing your back and hips.

You fell asleep in the fort, your head on his chest. His normal nightmares always slipped away whenever you were near. None of the outside world's problems could touch the two of you. Surrounded by fleece and down you two were practically in Eden.

AN: Hope ya'll enjoyed that. it's been a minute since I wrote x reader stuff. I also have a First Date fic in the works but idk if I'll get that out today or not.

[arimiadev]

Visual Novel Fest - Steam's attempt to show good will to VN devs

it's August 14th, 10AM CST as I write this, just a couple hours shy of the end of the first Visual Novel Festival held by Steam. I want to take a look at how sloppily this event was handled and how I hope (but doubt) things will change in the future.

Steam has realized since the start of Covid that, because they have the monopoly on PC gaming, they can and should go further with promoting games on their platform. when all of the gaming events were canceled in 2020, Steam took this as an opportunity to launch an idea they most likely had on the back burner for years-

festivals.

these festivals are events hosted on Steam where games that are submitted (and accepted) are promoted on the front page of Steam, a highly coveted spot for developers. these events are all themed like the puzzle games fest or the visual novel fest or the now multi annual steam next fest which features a variety of demos.

to put it in layman's terms, Steam now hosts festivals because they (are supposed to) give a big boost in visibility to games on their platform, a lot of which that will be discounted and sell a lot more copies than on normal days. developers want to get into these festivals because of this added visibility and increase in sales. it's a win win for both groups.

so now, in August 2023, we find ourselves at the Visual Novel Fest. for context, I have been an indie visual novel dev for almost a decade and have been a verified Steam developer for 5 or so years. Steam has held various VN-themed sales and such (namely publisher sales, like Sekai Project's occasional publisher sales) but not a festival just for visual novels. this is a wonderful chance for us indies to get a tiny bit of extra visibility, as selling VNs is hard!

the first problem- we can't get in.

festivals on Steam are opt-in. these themed sales are limited to games that can fit the themes, but these limits are put on the backend- that is, to say, only games that their Algorithm determines should get in can get in.

we think that this Algorithm checks for tags- if the mystery games fest is coming up, it sends out an email to games that have the "mystery" tag on it as games that can enter. however, this system is... it's broken. it's just broken. it was broken for the horror fest, it was broken for the mystery fest, and oh god was it broken for the visual novel fest.

lots of indie visual novels that were properly tagged as "visual novels" with the tag as one of the top tags for the game were never emailed about the fest. instead, we had to reach out to Steam and file an appeal.

these appeals took several weeks.

I don't know of any devs who submitted an appeal that were denied, but it is quite frustrating to have visual novels that are clearly visual novels not be invited to the festival and then have to wait several weeks before someone accepts the appeal.

but once we got invited to the fest, it was all blue skies from ther-

what do you mean they overpromised on features

Steam does additional promotions for their festivals on social media and such, namely making a trailer for the festival that gets shared to a lot of people- there's a lot of eyes on this trailer and they create it from games invited to the festival.

Steam reached out to several western developers and localizers about being featured for this event, including a visual novel I worked on. these features were much more stringent and required us to do more, such as requiring our games to be on sale during the fest (for normal submissions to fest, discounts are not required but encouraged).

one thing some of us skipped over, though... their wording was specifically "we may feature your game". not that they will feature the games that they specifically emailed and followed their stricter requirements, but that they may.

but I'm sure they'll pick some great representations of the visual novel mediu-

what do you mean the walking dead got featured

(click through this embed to find the video)

Steam had emailed several developers of actual visual novels and instead went with the cash grab option since they realized most VNs don't make money and decided to throw the "visual novel" part of the festival out the window.

the real kicker- the walking dead shouldn't have been allowed into the festival by Steam's own guidelines.

in the eligibility guidelines for the visual novel fest (edit: this page is now defunct because I guess they deleted it now that the fest is over??), they specifically mention that games that allow players to free roam will most likely not be eligible.

a ton of actual visual novels weren't invited to this event but don't worry, an interactive game without visual novel elements got featured.

so how did the festival go?

let's talk about the actual fest now.

the walking dead pretty much stayed at the top of categories for the entire festival, overpowering actual visual novels like ace attorney, steins;gate, ai: the somnium files, clannad, and many, many more.

Steam uses sub-genres to help players find more specific types of games easier, but very, very few of these are actually useful for narrative elements as they're mostly geared towards gameplay elements.

on the left is genres and on the right is sub-genres on Steam that were used as tags on games entered into the fest. as you can see, these fail to let players easily find the kinds of visual novels they might be interested in- what if I specifically want to find fantasy yuri? or boys love with trans characters? by in large, these tags are meant for gameplay oriented software, not narrative oriented software like visual novels.

Steam attempts to remedy this by adding categories on the page that has similar games together, but these ultimately fail because of how few there are.

first we have detective as a category. not too bad.

next is psychological horror and puzzle. again, not bad.

after that we have dating sim. most of these look to be dating sims by both the more traditional term (dating sim = a stat raiser with romantic elements) and the broader Western version (dating sim = romance game with multiple routes). I haven't played these specific ones so this is just a cursory glance.

we also have an otome category, wonderful! I wish these categories had a description underneath them, as if we want more people to get into visual novels then they need to have a way to learn these terms easily- "otome" does not immediately tell you "this is a game intended for women where romancing men is typically the goal", so I wish they had included some kind of descriptor for non-VN players glancing at the fest.

last but not least, we have the lgbt+ category- wait that's it?!

yes, those are the only categories highlighted as part of the festival, 3 of which are mystery game-oriented. want queer games, games with lesbians, games about trans experiences, and more? they're all in 1 category despite the wide array of queer visual novels on Steam.

it's extremely sad that one of the most diverse mediums out there always gets pigeonholed by Steam and the gaming community as a whole time and time again. I had good hopes for this festival but it was an extreme let down.

some developers I talked to were able to get a fair amount of visibility from this event, some barely hit more than average views. I hope Steam fests continue to evolve and Steam will expand their sub-genres, but I don't have much hope that they'll be half as good as itch.io's searching functions.

yes its time to shill itch.io

have YOU browsed the indie darling site itch.io recently?? why not??

itch.io is a website for sharing and playing indie games. it's completely free to use, easy to find games you might like, and pretty versatile for devs who might want to sell games, DLC, digital content, and more.

want to find visual novels that are dating sims with female protags and queer? that's easy to find!

want otome visual novels that are only about an hour long? here you go!

want visual novels for windows that are cute and have multiple endings? there's almost 200!

itch.io has a much, much wider range of tags that can be inputted by developers and allows you to search for platform, price, average game length, accessibility features, and more.

Steam will probably never be toppled as the place to get PC games unless they drive their company into the ground, but that doesn't mean we have to settle for it. there are other platforms we can find new indie visual novels and it feels like we're on the edge of a visual novel renaissance for localized VNs on consoles.

so yeah that's my recap of what I've seen from Steam's messy visual novel fest. you can find my own visual novels over here, I make queer games with a focus on fantasy. I also work at Studio Élan, an indie studio making yuri and other lgbt+ focused games.

[violet211221]

Fireworks | Bang Chan

♡ request open: feel free to send me your requests

♡ pairing: bang chan x reader

♡ genre: stable relationship, fluff

♡ word count: 3.4k

♡ short summary: your boyfriend Chan couldn't make it to a New Year's party, but he's got a surprise for you

♡ a/n: this one shot is based on this fake text as inspiration

♡ support my work - if you want to directly support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here

"I'm so sorry, baby. I haven't finished the schedule yet." 

You look sadly at the messages that appear on your phone screen. You can practically see Chan quickly typing on his phone, huddled in a corner where no one can see him.  

"I don't know when I'll get there tonight. I'm so sorry." he writes you again.  

You look at the clock. It's 3:22pm, the last day of the year. You and Chan were supposed to go to the New Year's party of a small group of mutual friends, one of the rare occasions when you two show off as a couple. It's still early, right? You two have to be there at 7pm, there's still a chance that Chan will arrive early enough to...  

"But you can go there if you want. You don't have to miss the fun because of me. I promise I'll try to get there as soon as I can." 

Your hope is gone. Your boyfriend just subtly let you know that there was no way he was going to catch this party. And without him, there is no fun for you.  

"Y/n?"  

"I'm here, Channie. I just got out of the shower.” you type back.��

You hate to lie to him, but you don't want to make him feel bad. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to go out with this man. You knew from the beginning how full is his schedule and you were never really upset when he canceled a date. The truth is that you love him so much that you always support his career.  

"Don't worry, love. I will stay at home and wait for you." 

"Are you sure about this?" comes his answer.  

"Very sure. We can have our own party."  

You think for a few moments.  

"Please don't feel guilty. I'm really not mad at all." you add quickly, before he has a chance to type anything.  

And this is the truth. You're not upset that you two don't make it to the party anymore. You are angry because you know Chan feels guilty. You know that every time he has to cancel plans with you, a small piece of his heart breaks and falls. And you would do anything to protect Chan's heart.  

 "I'm a bad boyfriend, right?" he asks you.  

That's exactly what you feared the most. Chan is the best boyfriend you've ever had. Damn, Chan is the best boyfriend anyone could ever have. He is always kind and tender with you, always dedicated to you and your needs. Yes, he often cancels dates with you, but he always makes sure to make up for it. In fact, you are extremely proud of all the work he puts in. You have never met a person as hardworking as Chan. Work makes him feel happy and fulfilled, and you can only be happy when his career blooming right in front of your eyes. 

"Don't be so hard with yourself, my love. You always try to take care of all of us. I could never consider you a bad boyfriend. You are the best lover and the most responsible person I know."  

Chan's answer comes after a minute.  

"I think I should be grateful to have you, baby. I should go now. I'll write you later. I love you."  

You type back that you love him too, then leave the phone on the table. Considering that Chan will come home late, you assume that he will be tired and hungry , so you go cook something. Like any ordinary Sunday night.  

Your phone remains silent for several hours until, finally, your lover's name appears on the screen.  

"Put that cute dress on. I'll come pick you up in ten minutes." 

You look at the clock and notice that it's not long until 11pm.  

"But Channie, isn't it too late to go to the party?"  

"You trust me?" 

What kind of question is this? You have so much trust in him that you left your life on this man's hands. 

"Always, Bangbang."

"Then put that dress on you and wait for me. I'll be right there right now. I have a surprise 👀"

You leave him on "seen" and run to do what he asked you to do. You practically throw your clothes off on the fly and you really hear the closet door crack when you open it with a little too much force. You take the purple and shiny dress off the hanger, you put it on and then you rush to the mirror. You don't have time for a new make-up, so all you can do is touch up the simple one you had on during the day. You had just pulled your hair out of your ponytail and were running your hand through it repeatedly to give it some volume when you received another text from Chan.  

"I'll wait for you in the parking lot, right next to your car."  

You don't know why, but your heart starts beating faster. You don't waste time. You put on your shoes and coat and head to the elevator. You can't help but wonder what Chan is planning. Judging by the fact that he is waiting for you in the parking lot of the residential block where you two recently moved, it means he plans to use your car, not just use it as a landmark for you. Which can only mean that he is preparing something really special. Most of the time, you two use the safe company car.  

Because you've never been one to handle surprises well, you keep thinking about it as you make your way from the elevator to the car. But all your thoughts disappear the moment you see Chan.  

He still wears the clothes he had on during his program. His black hair is neatly combed and his bangs are up, even if a few strands fall on his forehead from the effort he put in during the day. He is so handsome and you can swear he looks like a prince. Now not only is your heart beating faster, but it has practically skipped a few beats.  

He smiles tenderly when he sees you and opens his arms to you, and you can't help but run towards him. His strong arms catch you when you throw yourself at his chest. Chan embraces your waist. He picks you up off the ground, spinning around with you a few times while you wrap your arms around his neck and giggle.  

"I missed you so much, baby." he whispers to you with his face hidden in your hair.  

He puts you down, then takes you by the hand, leading you to the passenger seat of the car. You would like to tell him that you missed him too, to kiss him and never let him go from your arms. But you don't get to do any of these things because Chan has already opened the door, signaling you to get in the car.  

"We have to hurry. We don't have much time left."  

 You listen to him without saying anything more. You get into the car, and he closes the door and runs to the driver's seat. Your lover gets into the car and starts it without saying another word, paying attention to the exit from the parking lot.  

"Where are we going?" you asked him curiously.  

"Right now it's a secret."  

"Why are you being so secretive today?" you say while practically pouting and kicking your feets on the floor of the car.  

Chan laughs at your reaction. He always manages to bring out the childish part in you. Maybe because he makes you feel so safe? You don't know, but you don't complain at all. This makes Chan laugh, and you are absolutely in love with his laugh.  

The boy looks for your hand, entwines his fingers with yours, then brings your hand to his lips. He kisses you softly, then quickly looks at you.  

"You have to wait a little longer. You'll find out right away where we're going, okay? But I promise you'll like it." he assures you.  

"So we're not going to the party." 

"You said we could have our own party." He reminds you as his eyebrow rises provocatively, a smirk playing at the corner of his full lips.  

Your stomach tightens in anticipation. The place where his lips touched your hand still burns, and you swear Chan can hear your heart beating. You two have been together for a long time, but he still has that effect on you. And something tells you that he will always have it.  

"I hate you." you tell him jokingly, while you look out the window at the city that you quickly leave behind.  

Chan's sweet laugh swells the inside of your car, along with your heart and the rest of your universe. 

"No, you don't." 

"Watch your step." Chan warns you, while he helps you out of the car. "Wait for me, don't take a step without me."  

You are almost at the top of a mountain. Or a bigger hill. Well, you don't know exactly where you are, but it's an uphill road. And even if Chan climbed most of the way by car, it seems that you still have to cover a portion of the road on foot. A bumpy road, full of bigger and smaller stones, not suitable for your high heels. So you listen to him because the last thing you want is a broken leg and a visit to the hospital on New Year's Eve.  

Chan makes sure the car is stopped and the doors locked, then he comes to you.  

"Where we are? And what are we doing here?" you ask him again.  

You look at your boyfriend as he can his phone from his pants pocket, looking briefly at the clock display.  

"You will find out immediately. Come up." he answers you, then lifts you up in his arms easily. He starts with you up the road, cold steam coming out of his mouth. 

It really is much colder than it was in the city, but you being like this, pressed against Chan's chest and his arms around you, his warmth surrounds you immediately.  

"You're just not going to walk with me like this all the way." you say slowly.  

"Actually, that's exactly what I plan to do. There's no way I'm letting you walk alone." he tells you, looking at your shoes."

"But I'm heavy.", you complain.  

"You are light as a flake, baby girl." 

You know this is not true, but Chan's power is incredible. And even if he couldn't carry you, he still would have found a way to do it. He is simply the kind of person who sacrifices himself for others. His heart is huge, and that made you fall in love with him from the first moment you met this beautiful man. 

"The road isn't that long," he continued to reassure you. "I come here sometimes and run with one of the boys, very early in the morning, when this whole area is still deserted."  

"Changbin?" you ask knowing that he and Chan are always gym partners. 

Chan laughs.  

"Binnie is not really the type who prefers to run. I come here with Minho. Sometimes Felix joins us. It helps us clear our minds and put our thoughts in order. It's the first time I talk so much when I'm on this road." 

He laughs again, the kind of laugh he has when he remembers good times he has with his boys.  

Chan really loves his friends. You don't ask for too many details about the life he has with them outside of your relationship. Chan tells you things from his own initiative. He is almost always out with them, so you always find out about a cute thing they have together. Being here, in a place that seems important to them, feels like a very intimate moment. It feels like when Chan just gave you another little piece of himself. And this is something that always amazes you. Despite the distance that is often between you, your communication is excellent and healthy. But still you have the impression that you always find out new things about him and his little universe.  

"I think the sunrise is gorgeous from here. The last time we saw a sunrise was last summer, when we went to Australia together to visit your family."  

"We can come here together. Is it good for you?" 

You nod, looking at Chan with love in your eyes. He is always willing to fulfill your every wish.  

"But I hope you will let me know in advance. I need to equip myself properly. Tonight I didn't even have time to put on make-up, plus if I had known, I would have put on something suitable."  

"You don't need makeup." your boyfriend tells you. "Besides, I planned this in a hurry and ran off schedule." 

"You did what?"  

 "I was afraid that I would not arrive until midnight. And I didn't want to miss this with you." he explained innocently.  

"Chan..." 

 "I think we're here." he interrupts you, sitting down with your feet on the ground. He supports you, making sure that you are stable on your feet.  

"Are you ok?" 

"Yes." you answer looking around you.  

You really are at the top of a hill, surrounded by trees and small rock formations. You want to face what you think is the edge of the hill, but he quickly covers your cheeks with his big hands, forcing you to stay in place.  

"Don't come back yet. Listen to me first." he begins.  

Chan moves his hands away, and the cold attacks his cheeks. You want to tell him to touch you again because nothing in the world feels better than his touch, but you remain silent because you see him notice how his red ears from the cold get redder. His lips purse into an adorable line, and he claps his hands in tiny a few times. You try to catch his eyes, but Chan avoids it by looking at your shoes. There are clear signs that he is emotional and trying to gather courage. 

"Channie? What's going on?"  

Chan clears his voice, then holds out his hands to you, waiting for you to offer yours. It looks like a little boy getting ready to kiss his girlfriend for the first time.  

"I want to apologize for bringing you here like this. It was crazy, but I have to do this." 

"Channie, this is not..." you try to say. 

"Please, let me talk or I'll run all the way back to the studio and lock myself in there." he says, even looking like he's about to do it.  

You laugh, what he makes him laugh and relax. As you laugh, you cover your mouth with your hand, but he hurries to remove it.  

"I love your smile, so let me see it, please. In fact, you are absolutely stunning. This dress looks incredible on you and deserves to be seen on a special occasion. But I messed it up, so you didn't have the chance. So I improvised." 

Chan stops for a moment, putting his hand in one of his coat pockets. He takes out a small black box from there, which almost makes your heart stop. You look at Chan in shock, eyes wide in amazement. He chuckles.  

"It's not what it seems. At least, not yet." he explains, glancing at you to see what effect his words have on you. "But it's our anniversary in a week, so I bought you something. As you well know, I will be away on tour then, so I think this is a good time to give you this."  

He opens the box, letting you see the contents. Your eyes find the most beautiful chain you've ever seen. You reach out your shaking hands for the small box, and Chan hands it to you. You touch the pendant in the shape of the moon, amazed by its beauty. Part of it is full of black crystals, while another smaller part is covered with white crystals. You lightly touch the cold and shiny crystals with your finger in the light of the real moon. These shiny things form the phase of the moon at the time you were born.  

"You like it?" Chan asks you, and you nod your head because you feel unable to speak. "Turn it over." 

You carefully turn the pendant on the other side. On the back of it you find your and Chan's initials, the date you two decided to become a couple and the phrase "I love you to the moon and back." Tears flood your eyes, and you hurry to hide your face in his coat. His arms embrace you, clinging to him and hugging you to his chest.  

"Christopher, this is absolutely gorgeous. I don't even want to know how much money you wasted on something so beautiful." you say for tears of happiness.  

Chan's hands find your cheeks again, this time wiping away your tears with his thumbs.  

"Money spent on important people is not a waste. You are not a waste, you never will be. The money can be brought back, but what you give me is absolutely priceless." he speaks as he carefully removes the chain from the small box. He leans over you a little to put it around your neck, while you help him by holding your hair up with shaking hands.  

Chan carefully places the moon pendant at the base of the space between your breasts, then places a tender kiss on your forehead.  

"You want to know why I took this from you in the shape of the moon?" 

"Because we both love it?" you try to guess.  

"I mean, yeah. That's a reason too. But I bought this for you because... " he pauses, looking somewhere behind you.  

The area around you is flooded with color, followed by a loud sound.  

Fireworks.  

Chan smiles widely, then takes you in his arms again and turns you around, finally facing the edge of the hill. The city unfolds in front of you, together with the fireworks show that takes place in the center of the city. The sky changes colors, the night becomes day. Standing like this, with Chan giving you a back hug and with the play of light and colors in front of you, you have the impression that you and your beloved Chan exist in the world. 

"You are as stunning as these fireworks. You are the one who colors my life and every time I see you, I can't take my eyes off you. But I don't want you to be just a firework in my life." Chan unbuttons his coat, wrapping you both in it, then rests his chin on the top of your head.  

"Then what do you want me to be?"  

The fireworks show is still going on, so you basically have to shout to hear each other. But Chan seems to have another idea, for him he sticks his lips to your ear.  

"My moon. I wish you to always be as present in my life as the moon is in the sky. Never disappear, even when I'm far away and I can't see you."  

Chan's voice is low in your ear, and you're almost certain that if he didn't hold you in his arms, your knees wouldn't have been able to resist.  

However, you turn to face him, clinging to him.  

"Then you have to get ready, Bangbang. Because I'm willing to be your moon, your sun, or whatever else you want. I'm not going anywhere."  

Chan's left hand finds the back of your head. His lips stick to yours, giving you a soft, careful kiss. 

"Happy New Year, baby." he breaks the kiss for a moment, speaking the words against your lips.  

Then he kisses you again without offering to answer him. And it's perfect. Nothing could make this night better.

Masterlist ☾ Coffee ☾ Request ☾ Tell me what you're thinking

ⓒ All rights reserved @violet211221. please do not modify or repost my work in another language, form or platform without my permission. thank you

[lya-dustin]

A Comedy of Non-mathematical Errors

Chapter 1

No matter how he tries, he cannot get Oliver to make an introduction.

In fact, Michael had already left the King's Arms when Felix spotted Oliver.

“Rather liked his shirt, the pun's fucking hilarious, tell him I said so.” Felix said when he and Oliver went back to his place since Oliver was too hammered to leave.

“I’ll tell him.” Oliver promised and never did.

Despite Felix’s attempts to get Michael to speak to him, all that happens is that he learns his brother hates him.

Like hate hates him.

“He thinks you are a vapid cunt who doesn’t even know how to read.” Oliver puts it plainly after his last attempt before finals ends in abject failure.

Felix is hurt by that, especially because he had hoped everyone was exaggerating about it.

So hurt he doesn’t go out drinking with Farleigh, Annabel, and India.

So hurt he studies all night for his final exam.

It is strangely rewarding to earn something on his own. So rewarding he cannot stop himself from cornering Michael to show him.

“What makes you think I care about your fucking score?” Michael asks angrily and confused. “Daddy’s money bought you the school either way.”

“I studied; I worked my ass off to get this score. Just because I like fun and aren’t a maths genius like you and dad, it doesn’t mean I’m a dumb ass, Michael Cherwell Catton.” Felix has never bothered to defend himself like this, but he is about to change this nerd’s life.

“My name is Michael Gavey. Catton is your last name, genius.” Michael may hate him more when he tells him he is his brother, not just a brother, but twin brother.

“About that, Mrs. Gavey isn’t your real mum. Your middle name is Cherwell because mine is River, and you were kidnapped as a baby by our nanny.” Felix knows it sounds fucking ridiculous and has said long lost brother tell him so saying he should lay off the drugs.

“Stay away from me, Catton.” The blond warns, shoving him away, but Felix knows he can’t, not if they want to confirm or deny his suspicions.

“Let’s make a deal, we take a DNA test. If I’m wrong, we’ll never even breathe in the same room again, but if I’m right I’m taking you to Saltburn where you belong.” Felix offers his hand and spits on his palm as he presents his deal.

“Fine, I’ll do it, but you’re paying for this bullshit. Catton.” Michael squared up as if he were more than just the creepy nerd everyone knew him as.

“We have a deal.” Felix continues to offer his hand to make it binding, but his brother refuses to shake it.

Fucking unsanitary, he said.

Felix is so excited he can’t help but he calls his mother to tell her after he drags Michael to the nearest lab and gets tested.

Two days later everyone including the butler and poor dear Pamela is there waiting with bated breath as Michael opens the test results.

Michael Cherwell Gavey is Michael Cherwell Catton, the baby boy that was kidnapped ---and declared dead--- twenty years ago today.

Mama is crying, dad excited knowing the family is saved from ruin, Venetia is cautious, Farleigh pretends he didn’t torment him during the past year and Felix is so happy his hunch was right he completely forgot to even tell Oliver when he called him to cancel their plans for tonight this morning.

“You must come live with us; we must make up for the twenty years you spent away from us.” His mother held Michael’s hands as she kept the affection to a minimum, sensing he was uncomfortable with it.

Michael, still stunned, accepts only because no one can say no to mum.

“You are going to love Saltburn, Mickey.”

Michael had the occasional fantasy of meeting his father as all fatherless children do, but he never thought he would end up being a completely different person related to Felix fucking Catton.

Even worse, his twin fucking brother.

There is no logical explanation for this. Sure, babies get kidnapped at an alarming rate, but how did he manage to escape the radar when his name is the same his parents gave him.

Sweet baby Jesus, did he overdo it with the beer last night?

He can’t recall having more than a pint, but a fucked-up drink from overdrinking made more sense than this.

And yet the tests didn’t lie, science much like math couldn’t lie.

“A friend of Felix’s is coming to stay with us, I think Felix said he was a friend of yours too.” Elspeth Catton is nice, if a bit snobbish, and after accepting her invitation to their estate, took him shopping for a proper wardrobe.

While she did like his math pun shirts, Elspeth said she detested ugliness and her children were not ugly, just a healthy amount of strange.

“He was, or never was a friend of mine. Oliver Quick licks too many boots for my tastes.” Michael admits and while he dreads having to see him again ---worse endure Felix and Farleigh’s vapidness all summer--- the maths genius has always wanted his pound of flesh.

Now that he has everything Felix has and some more, he was going to make Oliver fucking Quick regret tossing aside for Felix.

“I suppose his harsh life made him that way, Felix told me he lost his father recently and his situation at home is less than ideal.” The blonde woman said with pity, as if being middle class and having two parents and two sisters was such a burden.

The dead father he believes it, Michael had not spoken to him since he confronted him at the library, but there is no fucking way Oliver has known actual suffering.

“Perhaps the summer may have us all three be friends.” Or the worst of enemies.

Nothing would kill Oliver like having Felix replace him with Michael. After all what is a friend to your own fucking brother?

[swiftieinbrazil]

We need to talk about Brazil situation!

Guys, I've seeing a lot of people talking about things they really don't know or even worse, being xenophobic. I would like to explain to swifties around the world the whole situation.

Brazilian swifties love Taylor. We have a lot of passion for her. She visited Brazil only one time, in 2012. She performed 7 songs for a small group of fans. After 11 years she came back. Everybody was so excited. There were fans that couldn't buy the tickets because they were over. There are many other swifties like me that won't go to any of the 6 concerts. Because she has a lot of fans here.

Do you wanna a proof of our love for her? Christ The Reedemer is one of the 7 Wonders of the World. No other international artist was honored with projection on the statue before. Brazilian swifties put a LOT of effort to make it happen. Becauae we really like Taylor. Also, a lot of swifties participated in a fund rising connect with the Catholic church of Rio de Janeiro that is responsable for the Christ statue. And we raised a lot of money that will help many families.

Everything was right. Everybody was happy. Until what happened at the first concert. Brazil is going through atypical weather. Brazil is known for being a hot country but it have never been this hot like now. Brazil is being affected by a heat wave. Such hot temperatures weren't predictable, BUT there were human actions that made things get worse. People weren't allowed to bring a bottle of water to the stadium. If the fans wanted to drink water, they would have to buy it (and for expensive prices). Also, the stadium has vents and areas to have air circulating and they were closed, which made the stadium hotter inside. Absurd! A thousand fans fainted out at the first night due to the hot weather. And the worst thing happened, a beautiful and young girl died.

On the next day (Saturday), the fans could take water into the stadium and the vents were open, but the heat was worse. But the fans were still strong, waiting in the line (some of them since morning) under the sun and hot temperatures. The gates were open, people entered into the stadium. At the end of day, people received the news that the show was postponed to Monday. And some of them got mad at the moment. And I understand them. Because there are fans who travelled from far away, spent money at transporting, hotel and food, and some of them won't be able to go to Monday's concert because of their work, study and other reasons.

Let's make one thing very clear: we love Taylor and we know it's not her fault. She did the right thing when decided to postpone the concert. But a lot of fans were so tired of everything they were going through and showed their frustation with the whole situation. They said the postpone should have been made earlier. Also, there are rumors that Taylor wanted to do it earlier but the company didn't let her to.

An amount of bad situations led to all of this. So it's so unfair and insensitive of some people say that Brazilian swifties don't like Taylor, or that she should cancell all the Brazilian shows and leave the country (when people have bought their tickets, paid for transporting and hotel and planned every little thing months ago), or start being xenophobic with Brazilian fans. We're sad with all of this. We just wanted to spend a wonderful time with Taylor. It's not our fault. It's not Taylor's fault. We're all victims of this whole situation. So please, put yourself in other's people shoes.

[seospicybin]

SEOSPICY EXCLUSIVE!

MEET SSICK, THE NEXT GENERATION ROCKSTARS — by Seospicy.

“Live is our thing."

The frontman of the trio that has been making a roar in the music industry, Han, boldly states.

"I’m not saying no other bands can touch us, but that’s our expertise. I think there are so many bands who are better than us at recording, writing songs, singing, and playing guitars or whatever, but in terms of creating an atmosphere I think we’re the best."

The confidence is backed by the number of people squeezing themselves into the pit and filling the entire venue to experience that atmosphere.

Lucky for them, the band will be more than happy to play all of their biggest hits. It's the 'SSICK' thing: giving people what they want.

Unlike other bands, they don't shy away from playing their hits in their show, one after another, and remembering that all of the tracks in their recent albums made it to the chart, they probably have to play the whole lot.

"People pay for tickets with their hard-earned money and they are willing to wait outside for hours to see us," the 23 years old Felix provides the simplest of reasons behind their hits-packed setlist.

Meeting Han at a college party back in 2018 and forming a band with him weeks later felt nothing less than him taking on the right path as he proudly admits that being a drummer for a rock band is his dream.

He fits the name of the band with his unique way of drumming, Felix confirmed that he learned a lot from watching Keith Moon who was famously known for his eccentric drum playing.

"It’s only right that we give them what they want!" Felix finishes with a gentle nod.

His bandmate's words only convinced Han that the show must go on. Ignoring their tour manager, Vin, who has given him three options to handle the situation: sing as normal, get the audience to help him sing, or pull the gig.

"We're not pulling the gig!" Han persists with a scarf tightly wrapped around his neck and regularly drinks his bottled water.

If Ssick has made it this far- two sold-out shows, a top 10 debut album, and a headliner for a festival this summer - it's all because of Han's work ethic, about which he’s earnest to the point of being endearing.

Half an hour before the show, the rest of the band again propose canceling the gig, Han won't even hear it but he's up for a compromise, he won't be playing instruments tonight.

"Hyunjin is so good. He plays like there’s 10 of him anyway," Han says and, at the same time, professes his admiration for Hyunjin's incendiary guitar skill.

As for Han, who gladly gave up playing guitar for the band and picks up the bass ever since, playfully adds, “I’ve hated guitar since I started. It hurts my hands. It’s heavy. It cost me money to buy when I was a kid. They break."

Hyunjin might have been the last to join but Ssick wasn't the first band he played with. He has toured with a band as an additional member, the experience helped him hone his skill that Felix and Han felt like they have to step up their game to get to his level of greatness.

However, the twin, what fans like to call them due to their birth dates only a day apart, stated that the band feels brand new the second Hyunjin decided to join and completed the triangle.

"I feel like they're the right people to create something together with," Hyunjin sheepishly talks for the first time during the interview.

Opposite to his explosive and electrifying stage act, Hyunjin is mostly quiet off the stage yet he doesn't refuse to tell the one thing we're all dying to know.

"First, they don't insist their music on me," he elegantly answers, legs crossed with his hand touching his lower lip.

"I've been with bands that already set their roots without my involvement so it's nice to finally be a part of something from the ground up," he adds.

It seems like it's the first time the other two learning about it too. It's this tender moment like this that can't be captured on camera that speaks the loudest.

Han bursts the silence by tapping Felix on the shoulder, "I thought you offered him money to make him join us," he jokes.

It's still a mystery what Felix did to appeal Hyunjin as he refuse to tell going into the details, but he surely did his job well.

The atmosphere is there the moment they step into the stage. They opened the show with their latest single and despite Han's voice is not at its hundred percent, he made it alright until the end of the first three songs.

With head bowed down, he apologized in advance to the people who made ten thousand tickets sold out in under twenty minutes for his unfit condition to carry a gig.

"I'll make sure everyone goes home with a beer tonight," he promises some sort of consolation, an unconventional one.

After playing their big radio hit, 'One', it's one that worked to make people's head turns and turn them into fans, it somehow rejuvenates him that everyone wondering what he apologized for.

But that doesn't mean he forgot about his promise, as everyone got a can of beer on their way out of the venue.

Considering that Han wrote most of the band's songs, no one doubted that it was coming from his pocket.

Instead of using the chance to brag, he chose to reminisce the time when Felix and him sitting on the carpeted floor of the tiny studio they rented from the old days, weeks after knowing their debut album shoots up to the fourth rank.

"I remember asking Felix, ‘Are we doing this right?’ and Felix went 'Ah, but we’re keeping our feet on the ground'."

Felix testifies to his story by nodding along to what Han saying.

"I said: ‘Isn’t that what rock ‘n’ roll’s about? Aren’t you supposed to lose your feet for a bit?’" Han concludes.

Well, rock and roll aren’t fueled by humility, after all; it’s fueled by guts, guitars, and guys with a hunger for more.

-

READ MORE SSICK ON SEOSPICY'S UPCOMING FIC SERIES: ON TOUR.

RELEASE DATES:

06.09 PART I - SOUNDCHECK.

06.16 PART II - OPENING ACT.

06.23 PART III - UNPLUGGED.

06.30 PART IV - ENCORE.

(With previews available every Thursday!)

[leikeliscomet]

We Failed the First Black Doctor (Part 3/End)

Discussions about Black representation in the UK have been going on for a long time, including by Lenny Henry and his criticism of Doctor Who. He claimed the show would rather have a dog as the doctor than a Black person. Unsurprisingly, white fans were quick turn the headline into a joke or start listing Black companions since 2007 who… aren’t the doctor. Hyperbole aside, he wasn’t that far off. The show’s seen first robot companions in the TARDIS before first Black ones. Even whilst starring in Spyfall, the show’s Black representation was still in a questionable place. Ryan was underdeveloped, Grace was killed to give Graham an arc and the Fugitive's appearances were a series of cameos. Even in the episode itself Henry’s character, Barton, murders his own mother in an attempt to establish his character as the villain (even though it was fairly clear from the beginning). In a similar way to Grace, a dark skin Black woman is killed to serve a narrative purpose that goes nowhere. The characters leave the warehouse after the big showdown with no concern that her dead body was still there. Henry may have been exaggerating but at the end of the day, the show’s Black representation still has a long way to go, especially when shows and films airing after its revival are challenging it in terms of quality. Even when we look again at Henry’s roles in Doctor Who, what was he given to work with? Aside from a villain in a questionable two-parter, he has played the doctor before (hence the ‘Lenny Henry is the first Black doctor’ mantra from some fans) but he’s playing the doctor in a skit. His incarnation is a joke that we are supposed to laugh at. I want non-Black fans instead of listing all Black characters in their favourite era or in the show itself to actually consider how they were written and how they were treated instead of just saying they were there. With advances in diversity in TV/Film, just being ‘there’ isn’t enough anymore. 

Any writer or show can have a Black character, but not all can do those Black characters justice.

Even breadcrumbs are apparently too much for one stomach. Claiming the Fugitive deserved better has been met with so much dismissal. The Timeless Child was shit, so Jo Martin should be held responsible by not being invited back. She was only supposed to be a cameo, which is a great time to use the first Black doctor slot because representation doesn’t matter anymore. There was a pandemic that started after she was already in the show so she doesn’t deserve screen time, even though that didn’t stop a whole new cast of characters getting storylines in Flux. We’re getting a Big Finish that not everyone can access in a 3 year wait that likely won’t get referenced in the main show. Well, that’s alright then!

The breadcrumb gets even smaller when fans accept Martin and Gatwa as our first Black doctors of nuwho only, whilst giving the ‘first’ credit to Peter Davison. Fan's shock and pearl-clutching reactions whenever Davison’s mixed father is brought up highlight that not all ‘non-white’ Doctors are treated equally. Why are you more comfortable considering Davison as the first Black doctor over Martin and Gatwa? Why is he your idea of acceptable ‘non-white’ representation? Why does his ¼ Guyanese heritage cancel out his title of being a ‘white doctor’? When two dark-skinned Black actors achieve something why is your first instinct to start adding corrections? When asked about castings for the Doctor, some Classic actors including Colin Baker still hoped for a non-white incarnation to show up, so it's safe to say the slot of the first Black doctor was still empty after Five’s era ended. Colourism is rampant in the entertainment industry and TV and Film are no different. Colourism and racism go hand in hand. The idea of a ‘Doctor Who anti racism’ that doesn’t extend to characters darker than Bill Potts is useless. If the darkest characters are still left at the bottom of the hierarchy in terms of support then what are you supporting exactly? Ncuti Gatwa is the first Black man to play the Doctor and Jo Martin is the first Black woman. Gatwa is the first in the main lineup and Martin is the first on screen and in show. Both these actors deserve the credit of being the first Black doctors. Jo Martin deserves the credit of being first because she was and I’ll maintain that no matter how controversial it is apparently to state that. 

All these nitpicks and adlibs and ‘um actuallys’ serve to erase Black characters' contributions to the shows they’re in. As for the Fugitive, these are passive-aggressive attempts at erasing her the fandom can’t admit to. In a similar fashion to Martha Jones, certain fans will allegedly care for how Black women ‘deserved better’ but when the time arrives to have these conversations on how these characters can be done better, unpacking things like misogynoir, antiblackness and colourism, it is silent. It’s almost always silent. The same ones that said Martha deserved better in terms of her crush ‘ruining’ her character are the same ones supporting her absence in the 2023 specials. The same ones that said Fugitive deserved better than shitty Chibnall writing are the same ones supporting her not ever returning to the show. I will critique all nuwho showrunners equally but simply giving them a whack for poor representation, without supporting the groups being misrepresented is the peak of performative activism that is soaked in the fabric of the current Doctor Who fandom. Complaining about how Chibnall fumbled the Fugitive? Easy peasy! Pushing for a Fugitive return in the main show? Talking about misogynoir? Nah. What’s the point right? Not enough for a number in the lineup, not enough for a physical and autonomous appearance post her debut, not enough to be a first Black doctor and not enough to be cared about by greater fandom outside of ‘Chibnall discourse’, where either ‘side’ uses her to claim a progressive high ground before they go back to ignoring Black women in TV like they usually do.

--

So that is why I’ve written that we failed. Chibnall neglected the potential of her character. The BBC ignored the importance of her representation. And the fandom gives her petals when convenient but never full flowers. With Gatwa’s era starting soon, I hope he’s treated better but I also hope people remember the Fugitive, our first Black doctor. If there’s a chance she could ever return in the main show, I know where I’ll be. 

Until then, I guess it's time to pre-order some Big Finish.

<- Part 2

[howtodrawyourdragon]

Looking Out For The Twins

Summary: Set in a Modern AU. While waiting for the twins, Hiccup has an unexpected talk with their mother that leads to a promise.

Warnings: /

Rating: General

Words: 1 035

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Characters: Hiccup, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Ruff and Tuff's mother

Pairing: /

Author's Notes: Wrote this on a whim (as I do with most of my fics) Came kind of out of nowhere, but I was in need of a slightly fluffier fic.

Enjoy!

-XOXOX-

The house of the Thorston Twins isn’t a place Hiccup frequents. He’s been here once or twice before, he’s there now as he waits for Ruffnut and Tuffnut to get dressed for the day- though he told them the evening before to be ready- and so he finds himself in their living room.

He feels awkward as he sits on one end of the couch, a cup of coffee in hand. It’s the kind of awkward someone feels when they’re in a house they’re not familiar with, like he’s intruding even though he has permission to be here. The mother of his friends let him in.

Mother Thorston sits on the other end of the couch, sipping on her own cup. Just like the house, she’s not too familiar to him. He knows what she looks like- she is just as blond as Ruff and Tuff, though her eyes lean more towards the latter’s- what her first and last names are, that she works two or three jobs to support them all and their grandfather and the house is inherited, but that’s where his knowledge of her ends.

“So,” she starts. “How is school? Ruffnut and Tuffnut mentioned you were graduating this year.”

“Uh ya-yeah, I am. I don’t think exams are going to give me too much trouble,” Hiccup is surprised by her show of interest. Though, it’s probably one of those topics people bring up in order to fill in the silence by being polite when a teenager is involved in the conversation. Like asking someone what the weather is like.

The awkwardness growing, he tries to distract himself by taking a sip of his cup of coffee. He neglected to ask for sugar or milk, yet the taste still catches him by surprise. He hopes he doesn’t make it too obvious.

“They told me you’re smart, smarter than most,” the older woman continues and Hiccup can see where the twins get their directness from.

“Uh, I guess… Though in what way, that’s entirely up for debate,” that last part is mostly muttered. He supposes nobody can deny that he’s smart, but there are certain parts of his personality that sometimes cancel out all that gray matter of his.5“You help them with their homework and their school projects,” she states.

“I mean, so does Fishlegs.”

“You keep them straight.”

“I’m, ah… going to keep my thoughts to myself.”

“I was so surprised when my twins told me they wanted to go to the library when they were 14 to loan books,” their mother states with a fond expression. “The only reason they used to go there was to vandalize the place, but now the only misschief they get up to there now is to see how many books they can get away with. And they read them, too!”

There’s a loud bang that comes from upstairs and Tuffnut groans whils Ruffnut laughs.

Hiccup puts his cup down, feeling like this conversation isn’t just random.

“Mrs. Thorston, is there something you want to talk about?” His awkwardness disappears, it’s a Haddock trait to be good in confrontations.

“Hiccup,” she breathes. “I’m sure you have your own plans after graduation, but… do you think you can you find the time to look after them still?”

Hiccup’s brow raises in surprise.

“You know how old they were when they first got arrested? They were 11 years old! They were caught stealing candy bars and chocolate from the gas station,” she reminisces, telling him something he already knows. Berk isn’t a large town, after all. It’s just barely above a village. Until Hiccup’s generation, they didn’t even have internet!

Mother Thorston places her cup down as well and observes the serious, but attentive, look in his eyes. With her twins, she can’t tell half the time if they’re paying attention or not, but with Hiccup you know he’s there, his gears turning.

“It was only downhill from there. They would get in trouble at school, cheat, bully Sven’s poor sheep, vandalize… And when they told me they were hanging around Stoick’s boy, “with his one leg and his geeky brain,” I thought; here we go some more,” the mother sags in her seat, her fingers pressing on some imminent pounding in her skull.

“And then… some time after, they went to the library, but not to vandalize it?” Hiccup wonders, hoping to finish the tale for her.

She nods, smiling at their guest.

“They changed. They changed and started talking about you, about their other friends, and they weren’t getting into nearly as much trouble as they used to. But in all honesty, Hiccup, I-”

“You’re afraid that once I graduate, I won’t be in their lives anymore and they’ll slip,” he doesn’t mean to cut her off, but he does.

“Yes,” she releases a deep sigh.

Hiccup smiles at her and she recognizes what kind simply because Ruffnut and Tuffnut mention him so often. It’s the kind that tells her not to worry.

“It’s true that I do have my own plans for the future,” plans he and Astrid are making with each other in mind. “But I have no intentions of leaving anyone behind. Don’t worry, Mrs. Thorston, I’ll look out for them.”

His promise brings a smile of relief to her face, melting away the tiredness he hadn’t even noticed was there until it lifted. That’s how much of a part of her it’s become.

“Thank you,” she tells him, sighing for the final time. Unlike her children, she’s somewhat quiet.

As they wait for the twins, they find other topics to talk about, Hiccup makes another attempt at drinking the coffee he was kindly offered and when they finally come down Tuffnut makes a comment about “mom and dad sitting in the same living room together being awkward.” Hiccup and their mother wear a very similar expression at that comment.

The three of them bid the twins’ mother goodbye before they leave through the front door to meet Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout somewhere she doesn’t know. Despite this, there’s no need to worry, because her children have people they can rely on who care enough to keep them out of trouble.