#we were never losing that bad either but i feel very petty if i point that out

[classicslesbianopinions]

[image description: a tag that reads, "like i'm sorry how do you lose [caps] that bad [end caps] to a lego at first that you gotta be toxic about it .. like no offense but [caps] srsly [end caps] ..." end image description.]

fellas is it toxic to get a lot of people to vote on a poll in a tumblr event where you win by getting a lot of people to vote on a poll

[helluva-dump]

At this point, the hazbin/helluva critical community has fallen flat. And when I say that, I mean that it lacks potential. Like, I thought we were criticizing about the characters and the show itself. I thought we were talking about it's issues and what Viv could approve on it. But now, these people are just targeting fans of Viv's show who are just going on about their day, taking screenshots of harmful posts and posting it on the critical blog just to shit on them. You can't even consider that "critical" now when you're just being an asshole. They wonder why Viv and her fans think the critics are so bad. On top of that, these people love to make assumptions about Viv harassing Gooseworx all because she's a "terrible person" like please stfu. "She probably did this" and they don't even have any proof. Maybe consider that Viv actually enjoys tadc and it's success? What is all of this "viv is mad because the amazing digital circus is more successful than her shitty shows"? I dunno, man. That critical community is just so fucking dumb and stupid. They're not even talking about the shows anymore. They just bitch and fuss about everything.

For real, I had never seen such a critical community this much of a train wreck as the fandom is.

I mean hell, I engaged with the SVTFOE community before (and that show has the EXACT same problems as Helluva boss) and the critical blogs were very chill.

I feel like what didn’t help is how immature and unprofessional Vivziepop acts publicly. But at the same time…. I can’t really blame her for getting defensive when these antis dogpile her on everything.

And yes, the screenshots making fun of harmless posts of fans were red flags to me. Like dude, we have rabid fans and Stans do that to us, why the hell are you stopping to their level??? (I’m not gonna include the voodoo controversy because that to me needed to be talked about. A lot of POC fans and criticals had every right to discuss that and Viv should had given an apology or explanation over that. With closed religions that always got stereotypes due to colonizers, you need to be careful when writing about them. )

Oh God don’t get me started on the whole Vivziepop and Gooseworks relationship assumptions… that actually annoyed me too and I’m sure there’s no bad blood with them. I get she had bad blood with Tracey and possibly Ashley, but I don’t think it’s fair to assume she’s like this with every indie creator.

Honestly, its both of their fandoms that are acting unhinged. But I even seen hardcore fans of Viv like Dani praising TADC and Gooseworks, so I doubt the whole fandom are planning to sabotage them. TADC isn’t a rain full of sunshine either, they too have so much bad apples there.

Also my big issue with this community I’ve noted some critical blogs that claim they wanna make an original series (well one already made a webcomic) but they NEVER stop bitching about Viv and go on and on how they never do this to their project… unmmm dude? If you constantly compare your project to Viv’s, your gonna lose your audience this way. This can make you come off as an a logger and a very petty person to others. Trust me, this is NOT going to make people want to be interested in your original projects.

It’s also very unprofessional to do this publicly. I get looking at bad writing motivates you how to not to things… but the constant comparing is going to make you look like a very petty person to your outside audience. And they feel like your project won’t have agency on its own without being “better than Helluva/Hazbin.” I say this because I too am working on an indie project I want to make to a webcomic. And I REALLY don’t wanna ruin my reputation that way.

That’s what Zeartist did when he made his shitty ass books and would constantly hitch and whine about twilight on his life journals. And he would always bring up his original series and how it’s “better” and how he wouldn’t write such garbage like Stephanie Meyer.

And guess what???? His books are just twilight 2.0 but even worse 😂😂😂 he ended up doing the exact same thing stephanie did, bitches out over criticism, and yeah a huge hypocritical asshat.

That’s why constantly comparing your project to another person’s to seen as better is NOT a smart idea. Please have some self awareness there if your actually planning to make a webcomic or an original series.

Also… I’ve noticed people that have beautiful startled would waste it on blind hatred. Like that “I HAtE VIVZIEPOP” blog. Like godamn, their art is beautiful but they had an unhealthy hate obsession with Viv… why waste your energy on that when you can make something better?

I’m not talking about rewrites, AUs, or redesigns because to me those are like fanfics and for fun. The stuff I do is mainly just for fanfic fun and a writing/world building exercise for me. But also a little bit of self indulgence since I sitll admire Viv’s characters. You can enjoy something without giving your support to the actual creator. I’m trying to show my support to the team behind it.

(I’m even planning to buy fan merch from one of the clean up artists on their shop. To me it’s the ethical way of getting Hazbin/Helluva merch without directly giving it to Viv but to her artists instead. )

[stupidphototricks]

Warning: Spoilers about Angua and Carrot in Feet of Clay

I remember this from when I read Feet of Clay before, and it's still true: I was disappointed that Angua changed her mind about leaving. It seemed like a cop-out, and out of character. Moreover, she didn't even talk to Carrot about any of what was bothering her.

And yet... and yet... you couldn't help liking Carrot. Even people he was arresting liked Carrot. -- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

I've seen it posited that Carrot is autistic, and after some thought I agree with that assessment. But it's an unusual presentation of autism because one of his special interests (along with dwarf bread) is, like, everybody. He wants to know all about people. He remembers everything they tell him. He makes them feel seen. He's about as far from the stereotypically socially awkward neurodivergent person as you can get. He's superhumanly friendly and social and well-adjusted. How could you not like him?

That's just it. He cares for everyone. He cares about everything. He cares indiscriminately. He knows everything about everyone because everyone interests him, and the caring is all general and never personal. He doesn't think personal is the same as important. If only he had some decent human quality, like selfishness. I'm sure he doesn't think about it that way, but you can tell the werewolf thing is upsetting him underneath. He cares about the things people say behind my back, and he doesn't know how to deal with them. Maybe it would work if we were just alone somewhere, but if I said, "It's me or the city," he wouldn't even see there was a choice. -- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

Unless you're his girlfriend, and you're basically competing for his attention with not only everyone else in the city, but everything else in the city, and his job, and the city itself? And complaining about that would just make you sound petty and controlling? He's the World's Nicest Person, you don't deserve to be with him, how can you fault him for anything?

"You're being reasonable again!" snapped Angua. "You're deliberately seeing everyone's point of view! Can't you try to be unfair even once?" -- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

It would be frustrating. I would be frustrated. If you're in a relationship, you should be able to expect your partner to put you first at least sometimes, at least when it's really important to you, without having to ask. And Angua is proud and independent and secretly has low self-esteem, and she will never ask. But she would like to feel that she matters a little more than everyone and everything else, to Carrot. She deserves to feel that with someone.

I'll have to go, Angua thought as they strolled on down the street. Sooner or later, he'll see that it can't really work out. Werewolves and humans... we've both got too much to lose. Sooner or later I'll have to leave him. But, for one day at a time, let it be tomorrow. -- Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

It's not that she's a werewolf and he's a human raised as a dwarf, although that's not a great place to start. It's the even more fundamental differences. It's Carrot being logic and Angua being emotion. It's Carrot being rules and Angua being instincts. It's neither of them knowing how to really communicate. It's neither of them recognizing what the problems actually are between them, or even admitting to each other that there are problems.

I very much like Angua and Carrot, separately and together. But I understand why Sir Terry took the focus off this pairing in later books. There wasn't anyplace else to go; he'd written himself into a corner with them. They couldn't possibly last or move forward, as they were, but the audience would object if they broke up or if either of them changed.

So maybe they're still together, in the Discworld universe, taking it one day at a time. It wouldn't be a bad ever-after. However my fondest literary hope would be that now they're happily married to their soulmates, and best friends with each other.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Human Rights

I am in the unenviable position of a) being actively grateful to the House of Lords and b) becoming worried about what’s going to happen with the Johnson and (hopefully) eventual Sunak peerages.

Lemme ‘splain, cos we’re getting all Brit-Politic up in here.

a) Suella Braverman, the UK Home Secretary, has been getting justifiably buried for her attempts to “live her dream” of shipping refugees to Rwanda. The Supreme Court here has judged it unlawful and a human rights violation, and more to the point, the illegal migration bill she tried shoving through to allow her to ship refugees back to their countries of origin (next best thing after Rwanda, one assumes) and generally mistreat them is getting eviscerated by the House of Lords.

I hear some people asking what the House of Lords is? Well. Usually we actually hate the House of Lords and don’t mention them very much, but lately they’ve been the only ones voting with something resembling a conscience. This, ironically, is probably because they’re not elected in the traditional sense. A few are hereditary (not many anymore, not since the House of Lords Reform Act 1999, and some other reforms in 2014), but most are quasi-elected for a fifteen year term, and some are appointed by previous Prime Ministers (usually on their way out the door of number 10, and don’t get me started on Johnson’s peerage list) with royal assent.

So what I’m basically saying is, they’re kind of off to the left of the usual political circus and supposedly above the problems of the “petty little people”. They’re not beholden to the electorate, exactly, because “the people” don’t vote for them and they’re not up for re-election either way. And I see these people looking at the current political monkey parade and wondering where the hell the last few shreds of UK political dignity have gone. Either way, they have their seats, and they’re either never going to lose them or will have to give them up for good in fifteen years anyway, and can do what they want. And what they apparently want ... is to have a conscience. Or at least to not violate human rights laws.

So they’re taking this egregious document that Braverman wants to put into place to basically terrify and abuse refugees and ripping it to fucking shreds. They’re inserting protections for LGBT people so that they won’t have to be sent back to countries that cause them legitimate harm. They want limits on the powers Braverman was asking for regarding the detention of pregnant women and unaccompanied children facing detention. (The Tories were asking for pregnant women and unaccompanied minors to be kept in detention for more than the current 72-hour limit; it did not go over well.)

So, yeah, the House of Lords - the branch of government usually deemed to be out of touch with the people - is the one that’s actually protecting human rights just now.

b) Remember when I said above about Prime Ministers being able to choose Lords to sit in the House when they’re on their way out the door? Johnson listed some pretty execrable people on his wish list when he left. Some of them got actively denied. Point is that I sometimes wonder if they’re happy enough with the recent thing where some prime ministers don’t last as long as a head of lettuce in the job because it means more people who think like them to hand out seats in the Lords to like-minded assholes. The House of Lords are unlikely enough heroes now; when Johnson’s picks start voting - and when Sunak’s do, eventually - I have a feeling that it’s going to get far worse.

Oh, and also c) apparently two-thirds of the Tory party membership (not the people who actually vote in elections; just the ones that pick leaders and have all the money and basically have the Tory leader by the metaphoricals at all times) want us to leave the ECHR. At this point, if that’s the case ... look, Starmer’s pretty bad. But the one thing that neither he nor any of his members have said so far is “Let’s join Russia in leaving the European Court of Human Rights so we can ship refugees to dangerous countries and abuse everybody we fucking feel like”. This one can’t go like Brexit did. If they want to leave the ECHR, the people need to see the proposed Human Rights Act they’d be replacing it with, and we need to see it before we leave. Because I can guarantee you that the Tories would resist that as much as possible, lie when they couldn’t evade, and leave us with the loss of so many basic rights.

This country is getting uglier and uglier by the day, and I am scared. I don’t know if it’ll be that much better under the current Labour government, but I don’t want human rights to go out the window and be replaced by a document written by people who want to reduce the amount of training doctors get, force retirees to do volunteer work to combat understaffing, and think it’s fine to send people fleeing from countries that want them dead either back to said countries that want them dead, or to fucking Rwanda. So ... you know, lesser of two pretty horrific evils on the whole.

[commaclear]

I am not jealous of you Quackity apologist anon. I never will be jealous of you. So what if my darling ÆÆ mistakenly called you stormy? I mean, it’s a bit concerning because me and you have very different typing styles and I thought I made it painfully obvious who I am. But that’s okay because my lover is still learning.

At least now I know I should reach out to them to help em out a little bit. Who knows. Maybe they can help me and Wilbur semi defender with a chart or something. You’d probably be jealous of that wouldn’t you.

I’m not the jealous one here. I’m not the one who continues to talk shit about my ex to avoid them getting with new people after being divorced for longer than I can remember.

No matter how much of an act you put up, deep down you are really just insecure.

When me and you were married, I was practically ignored. You neglected me. And sure I wasn’t the most present spouse, I’ll admit that. We were both at fault. But after our divorce I found out anon marriage could be so much more.

Sure, me and Wilbur semi defender’s marriage has had it’s ups and downs. But me and them have more communication than we ever did. They saw that I had a problem and were upset and hurt, just like you. But unlike you, they didn’t quit on me. Instead, me and them talked and found a solution that worked for both of us.

One thing that I’ve always found ironic is how you reacted when you found out I was cheating and how you continue to treat me to this day. Me and you were married when I analyzed btp. Do you remember btp? Do you remember all that stuff that requires an understanding about perspective based ethics? If you don’t, here’s an excerpt from chapter 15 of bone to pick

Wilbur shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I mean… there’s a lot of reasons? Like, there’s not one, big, catch-all answer.” Quackity turned to look at him. Wilbur couldn’t tell if he was intrigued or just passing a moral judgement; either way he felt the need to elaborate. “Like- like sometimes it’s just a sex thing… like you want more sex or more variety or something.”

“That’s ridiculous though. Why don’t people just talk to their partners?”

“Well most of the time it’s not just sex. I mean you could be really drunk or something, and it’s actually a mistake. Or you’re pissed off, and you’re tryna get revenge by-”

“So change the wifi password or tie all their shoes together or some shit like that. Do something petty that doesn’t destroy all the trust you’ve built.”

Wilbur was quiet for a moment. “Or you cheat because you don’t feel loved and- and you want to feel special and wanted and… and maybe the person you’re with has something your partner just doesn’t.”

“Then why not just leave your partner?”

“Maybe because… you’re scared- No, you’re terrified of being alone and of disappointing someone or hurting them, and so you just ruin everything for everyone instead. Even though you’ve made the same mistakes before, and it never ends well, and you know that- you just can’t help but chase that feeling of being loved, even if it fucks you in the end…” He sighed. “But I doubt you’d get it. Clearly you’re just more functional than the rest of us.”

Now we revisit this in close to the bone when Quackity cheats on his partners with Wilbur. Why did Quackity cheat? You would think an anon who focuses on Quackity would understand, but apparently not. So I guess I’ll just reanalyze this shit for you.

Quackity doesn’t seem to fully understand how Wilbur’s views on cheating could possibly make any sense. Cheating was bad to him. He might’ve been bad at relationships in the past but he had never cheated before. Not until he was feeling like his partners weren’t understanding him. Not until Wilbur had something he couldn’t get from his partners. Not until his partners hurt him to the point that he felt inclined to cheat.

Quackity cheats and then has to deal with the consequences of his actions. He loses his partners and their trust, his paramour who we gave everything up for decided it wasn’t gonna work, and he essentially loses everything. He loses his husbands, he looses Wilbur, he looses his job, he looses part of his eyeballs man. He looses it all.

While he shouldn’t have cheated, when you look at things from his perspective he had his reasons. We’re they great reasons? Not necessarily. But you’re an apologist. So I’m sure you can really understand why he did what he did. And it’s weird that you able to see him as a person but not me.

Do you know why I was unfaithful in the first place? Because you never ever reached out to me. After our marriage, you were hardly around. The only person who was around was ******. And I figured since you were never fucking there you’d wouldn’t notice if I did something. Maybe it was to catch your attention. Have you ever considered that you aren’t the only person who was hurt? Or are you doing what apologists do? Because an apologist can excuse their favorite characters actions, but never would think about how others like them deserve the same treatment.

I’m an analyst. Sure, I have had moments where I failed to understand all the characters. But I’m the end i eventually realize everyone has a side to the story. Everyone has a perspective. It’s like how Htid sally isn’t a horrendous person or how btp techno isn’t a bad brother. Perspectives are important. You call me a flat character but I think you just fail to look at my side of the story.

I feel bad for you, I really do. And it’s unfortunate that me and you didn’t work out. You get Quackity and I love that. When we found each other, we loved the fact that we talked about Quackity. Because a lot of people don’t give him the love he deserves. But now I’m realizing you don’t use that logic for anyone else. Because everyone is deserving of love even if they’ve fucked up. Every character is redeemable if they chose to be.

I think I’ve changed. Maybe not in the way you like, but I’m not trying to please you. I’m with three people who love me and understand that I don’t do well being tied down. Wilbur semi defender anon, dad Schlatt anon, and ÆÆ anon seem to understand me better than you ever did. And I think you’re just trying to hide the fact that you aren’t over our relationship.

All this shit with “cooler” qaa and telling all my partners that I don’t care about them, it really just feels like a defense mechanism. You were hurt and you still aren’t over it. You want to say I haven’t changed, but something tells me you’ve changed less than I have. You just don’t want people to see that. You’re insecure. You couldn’t help me. You didn’t even try. But now that other people have done a better job than you ever could you feel the need to try and drag them down to where you are.

In the drama summary comma wrote, they said you came back from a long journey of self discovery. But the only thing I think you discovered was your reflection in a mirror. Self centered asshole. You didn’t improve shit for yourself other than building up walls and pretending you don’t have issues.

You’re more like Quackity than I am. And you sure do fucking excuse your actions. And I guess that fits. That man’s never been too good at self reflection. But maybe it’s time you try and work on that. Because we all saw how it worked out for him.

So next time you want to come for me, leave them out of this. They’ve done nothing to you. You’re just mad at me and honestly I don’t understand how you’ve still got that much anger left. You’re gonna drive yourself insane if you don’t learn to let go. But that’s really not my problem to deal with

- the Quackity analysis anon

I almost can't believe you came out here and wrote an entire dissertation complete with citations, but at the same time it's completely in character for you

Just wow, I mean great analysis as always but still.... wow

[radishthefool]

Kindness Goblins, Three-Leaf Clovers, and Mariana Trench Divers: About flooding the internet with words of kindness, calling out to the invisible majority of kind people, and finding each other at our lowest points.

I'm currently going through yet another episode of deep shit due to an unsnarlable mix of deep shits. I feel helpless and alone, and often it gets so bad that I end up having a nonverbal breakdown on top of everything else.

I realised one of the reasons that latter snarl happens is because my adhd masking behaviour becomes more and more untenable to maintain, and I end up either needing to write entire essays or not communicating at all.

And if I know the other side won't understand or maybe even read my essays because they're not familiar with neurodiversity, I lose all willpower and hope to even begin the unsnarling process.

So this time, I decided that my coping strategy was going to be to post kind and helpful and fun comments underneath youtube videos. I also call out trolls and bigots, and explain in excruciating detail why I think their comments are unkind. I call it being a kindness goblin.

Even if only I do it, and nobody reads them, at least I fulfill my urge to be kind and helpful. But already I've gotten comments back thanking me for writing a compliment, or sharing an idea. So already I'm cheering up some people or helping them.

For too long, trolls and bigots could foul up the internet unfettered. Despite not being fed, they thrived, and have now also contaminated the real world. Trolls and bigots could easily imagine they were the loud majority, and kind people felt invisible, isolated, and alone.

But if stupid trolls and bigots can change so much for the worse by repeating the same three flawed arguments over and over and never getting into actual conversations, and if the host of the waffle house can spread far and wide, then surely us kind and diverse and creative and empathic people can manage to start a movement towards a culture that is kinder and more fun. First on the internet, and then beyond.

And if I explain my goal in the comments and on tumblr, the kindness may even spread, inspiring others to be kind and helpful and fun. And then if comment sections are filled more and more with kindness and empathy and true attempts at connection and communication and helpfulness, surely that will have real-life effects further down the road.

I've seen kindness and (neuro)diversity going hand in hand time and time again. (Neuro)diverse people flock around kind and creative youtubers like Brennan Lee Mulligan and Dimension 20, Drawfee, and so so many youtubers/tiktokers who live in the art, diversity, feminist, and progressive corners.

We've seen what people can do when they're too sensitive to injustice and too aware of nitty gritty details to gloss over a company's attempt to replace an open-source agreement with a greedy stranglehold. Especially if they retalliate without having to fear for their livelyhood or safety, let alone their country's stability.

The current world calls out for that very same mix of petty, unrelenting, thorough consequences for those many petty, greedy, openly hostile and mean companies' actions.

We need visible kindness, we need to visibly try to help and support other people, kind people need to find each other and connect, we need to combine all our diverse forms of kindness and creativity to address the world's current infestation of meanies in totally new ways that don't have to involve violent revolution, poverty, and chaos. The many kind people don't need the few meanies, especially now that we have the internet to help and support each other.

So by now impulsively writing this rambling long text, I hope I can reach the people who already kind of think like me, who are used to having to work hard to understand and be understood. Who get me without me having to kindly and patiently work around bigoted insecurities, around translation issues between different modes of thought. And especially who don't require my unending patience and creativity to work around the privilege like the people who've never had to change anything about themselves to fit in, and now feel as if they have suddenly and unfairly come under attack when those who've worked so hard to be allowed to play along at the fringe in return start demanding a fraction of the effort we've been putting in all our lives.

Thanks to the Black Lives Matter activists, I realised black people asking and explaining nicely time and time again meant it was easier for those who are content with the current situation to ignore them. Most of us non-black people literally only heard them once they got angry. Some of us finally got it, many more responded to the perceived slight of their familiar and safe status quo with increasingly open and heartless viciousness.

I realised the same was happening to other non-white people, to women, to neurodivergent people, to LGBTQ people, to (mentally/chronically) ill people, to all those people who find themselves in multiple of these groups, or different ones altogether (to a lesser extent than the cruel effects of systemic racism on black people of course, but the process of exclusion is similar every time).

It was happening to me, and I had never realised that that was what was going on. The world sucks right now, and especially kind and (neuro)divergent people cannot ignore that pain and injustice. Either because we can't escape it, or because we can't forget it, or both. We feel bad, but a lot of that stems from us not being able to just continue on while the world is so bad.

I feel so angry. And so sad. For myself, but especially for all the other marginalised and excluded and suppressed people. And I will not stay conveniently invisible any longer. If I feel super bad because the world sucks, and because my body and brain suck, and because nobody around me actually helps me, and because I know there are so many kind people out there suffering at least as much as me, while maybe even blaming themselves like I did. Trying not to be a bother, like I did. Trying to get the people we (think) we depend on to finally get it when we explain it just right, like I did.

So I will speak up. Not as neatly and concisely as I'd like, because my brain and my body and my emotions are severely snarled. I thought I'd have to condense my entire adhd web of thoughts into a catchy single headline, or many neatly organised and well-structured chapters to maybe get to get one step forward. And I'd still like to do that. As you can maybe tell, I love writing (and when I'm not bone tired from everything, I can actually edit my writings very well).

But I know there are others out there who think like me, who will get me, or who are willing and able to work on getting me. And all I can think of right now is to throw out my snarled windweb on the internet, and hope it tangles with some like minds whose cognitive networks of associations and ideas and ideals can connect to mine.

I'm realising so strongly that the more I feel like I'm going off into the deep end, the more I'm actually connecting with my true self that's usually so well hidden behind that neurotypical mask that even I don't really know her yet.

And until recently I had no idea where I could find like-minded people. I had honestly given up on the idea that it is even possible for (neuro)divergent people like me to talk to people without exhausting ourselves and then still more often than not ending up disappointed because they still didn't get us at all.

And often, they were the ones who got angry or upset from that interaction. Because it 'didn't make sense,' because they didn't expend any effort to try and understand, because it was easy for them to turn around and just continue living their life as before.

But now I do know. There are so many similarly-thinking and/or similarly-feeling, and/or similarly-motivated people out there.

And if their minds are as associatively wired as mine, they will come across either this message or the ones hopefully following from and spreading outwards from it, and will spread their own messages that got inspired from reading these.

And if their thought processes work differently, but somehow their mind latches on to something I've written here, or something someone else writes or says or creates or does because of it, then these ideas and thoughts can get translated and transformed into other types of ideas and other forms of thought. And then we've got ourselves a stew going.

I hope that by bothering the world with my long-ass writings, I will find my fellow long-winders, wide-thinkers, and high-hopers.

So step one is being a kindness goblin in youtube comments. And I'm doing that. Step two was writing this, and I did it. I've been wanting to do this forever, but my (mental) health was never good enough for long enough to work on it consistently. To structure it properly. To develop the ideas in a sequential way.

But maybe it's better this way. My mind actually prefers working in many parallel and not-so-parallel processes at the same time. Of connecting and associating and spreading out and circling around points of interest and then reconnecting and rewiring but differently. But more.

I kind of like the idea of approaching these boringfied and invisibled world problems in my adhd way, just seeing where my thoughts and ideas and impulses takes me, and then watching what happens because of it.

After all, creativity does not happen after well-structured, logical, and well-worn sequential steps from a single rock solid axiom. It happens through a more divergent thinking process (which contrasts with convergent, more linear thinking).

Creativity happens if we allow our mind to meander, when we feed it with potentially connective thoughts and ideas and experiences, taking everything into consideration, not suppressing or dismissing the 'bad' or 'silly' options, trying to find new areas of overlap, of crossroads where diverse concepts can come together in new and previously unpredictable ways that only make sense once they've been connected.

For that, we need flexible, widely-connecting and widely-connective minds where many tabs can stay open. Mental systems that allow for empathy, uncertainty, comparison, connection, reasoning, feeling, and change. A mental network that isn't so strictly and narrowly wired that it can't accommodate any new information without threatening to collapse in on itself, thus triggering extreme reactions.

Step three will be adding some tags. Tag one will be 'kindness goblins.' I enjoy the image of many wildly different little creatures, hyperactive and stoic, flexible and stubborn, unpredictable and rigid, fast-talking and quiet, all of them unique yet unhasitatingly supportive. Our unified chaos would surely overrun and overwhelm lumbering trolls and rooted-in-place bigots.

Tag two will be 'three-leaf clovers.' Initially I just added that icon at the end of my youtube comments as a little present. A gift of kindness, and a small token of my appreciation for reading until the end.

But after another commenter asked about its meaning, I came to realize it's a beautiful symbol: three-leaf clovers are more common than four-leaf ones, but you'd never know it when looking at how often we see them represented online and in different media. Similarly, kind people are an invisible majority. There are more kind people than jerks, but you'd never know it from all the jerks we see online and in most media.

Tag three will be for people who are in the deep end right now, or know what it's like to end up there. I will call us the Mariana Trench Divers, because we go deep, explore all the nooks and crannies of our own minds and the entire world until we run out of breath, but we always end up coming back to give it another go up there.

Often those returning from the deep bring cool but weird stories. However, it can be disappointingly tough to find the people who will listen and care. Or who do listen and care, but that's it. Causing our stories to never move beyond these passive listeners. The stories run aground at the first stop.

There seem to be so few of us, and we've always been told we're uniquely different and nobody could ever understand us because our minds just don't make sense. So it's no wonder all of us feel like nobody else cares.

But I care. I love hearing new information, or old information but through a different lens, I genuinely adore weird ideas, unexpected connections, and unfinished thoughts. They get my own mind going. And then, if I can throw my own ideas and connections and experiences back into the mix, and then that gets absorbed in other people's mindwebs and gets their creative juices flowing, and those results come back around to me, and so forth, then I'm at my happiest.

And plenty of other people care as well. Did you know neurodivergent people make as much sense to each other as neurotypical people do to each other? It's true, researchers found that autistic people find it quite easy to communicate with each other. And I've experienced time and again that the same is true for adhd people.

And sure, those two groups, and all those other marginalised groups, can think very differently from each other as well. However, we can find each other in shared experiences, in a shared awareness that we need to work towards understanding and connection, in a shared willingness to actually do so, and a shared capacity to explore options of making it possible.

We don't actually have to fit in the world as it is now. It has been sterilised and monocultured until any trace of diversity and creativity and kindness has been driven to the fringes. Except the fringes are now online, and we can find each other, and all our beautifully different minds can surely come up with ideas that, compared to the boring, mind-numbing world of today, will be kinder, more creative, more diverse, and more fun.

☘️

[sunnyneweyes]

I wrote a few letters, but every time I think of sending them I lose all motivation/interest. Idk, guess I struggled with the fact that you didn’t care for so long. Now I’m where you were at, it’s just not worth it anymore.

I did love you, tremendously and probably more than you’ll ever know. You prolly laughed out of spite at that? Haha. It is kinda funny considering who I let myself become at the end of our relationship.

Now I’m just glad we split, not cause I’m mad or anything. It was just a huge waste of time that fucked me up for a very long time. Probably the same for you, idk if I affected you as much as you did me. But I really wish I had met Z before you.

You’re a good friend if we could’ve been that, who knows tbh. But you hurt me and twisted the beautiful picture I had envisioned, our love was tainted from the start. I wish I would’ve valued myself and moved on and not waited for you in the beginning.

I was a second choice at the start, but I won’t lie.. You turned me to mush with your stare. You captured me and entranced me with your hugs and how you would put your shoulder on me during those morning rides. How could I resist? It’s not an excuse but before we met all I wished for was a girl that would stand by me and hold my hand.

Someone who would never abandon me like every other person/thing. I depended on you for so long, all the while you pretended to be like us. And maybe you are? Idk your illness completely and I won’t pretend to, but you can’t claim to want love, all the while hurting the person that you claim to love.

I’m not throwing shade, this is just where I’m at right now. Sucks I feel bad for feeling good again, I guess a part of me really wanted all those promises to still come true. IK, ik there is no point in looking back or wishing.

I wasn’t innocent at all near the end, but I didn’t start out that way. You watched me change into that horrible person year after year and you are not to blame. I became petty and full of anger from the pain I endured because I thought you’d change.

I’m not blaming you either, because ultimately it’s my fault for staying. My fault for trying to get revenge, my fault for stooping to that level. Had I just left at the first sign in 2013, damn things could be so different. But I can’t change the past or get you to accept any ownership over your actions.

I don’t want to either..and I’ll admit for a long time, all I wanted was the truth from your mouth and yours alone. But I realized that I can’t trust anything you say, even now. Tbh, that makes me feel incredibly sad for you and it’s not pity. But just the realization that I care about you and wish you’d stop burning your bridges with people.

It was never my fault that we all left your life. I realize that now, because it was yours. And trust me that’s not me tryna deflect or not take ownership of what I did. I’m just glad we did it, because all of our lives have been positively impacted and on the right track since then.

Took a lot of nights to realize I’m exactly where I prayed to be when I was 13 years old! And at the same time I stopped all the bad habits I started while with you, that’s not me blaming you for my own self indulgence either.

Just wish I had chosen anybody else but you. I forgive you and I hope you have a great life! (Not sarcasm) I hope you fix yourself or find the strength to confront what’s stopping you. I really do wish you nothing but happiness and I’ll never forget you, but I still wish we had never met.

Idk tho, at the same time maybe I needed to be hurt. So I could see your lesson, that the world wasn’t as kind and loving as I thought it was.

(PS. I don’t think this letter is me trying to be hurtful or mean, just refuse to let you hurt me anymore but I still wish you the best. Sorry it took so long to get an adult reply out of me, had to let myself really feel it and reflect.)

[kaelyn-stocktonmil]

Acceptance...No Matter How Bad It Hurts...

They say there are 5 stages of grief...Denial...Anger...Bargaining...Depression...and, of course...Acceptance...

Lately...all I've been is hurt...my best friend...Abby, that's all I'll say her name is, out of respect for her privacy...though, I suppose that sort of goes out the window with this post...but I haven't got much to lose at this point...so I don't really care if she's mad at me for typing this...anyway.

We've...not been doing well. Fyre, another friend...I thought, at least...myself and Abby...for awhile, I've felt as though we'd been competing for Abby's free time...I was the one to introduce the two, because I wanted my Xbox friend to meet my best friend...and, as I'd hoped, they hit it off. So much so...they eventually started dating. I was so happy! Happy, that both Fyre and Abby had found happiness in each other! Happy, that two of my closest friends got along with each other...and then...gradually that happiness that they had, shattered...because I still wanted time with my bff...and they spent all their time with each other...jealousy, I suppose, but I never saw Abby as anything romantically, so don't get it confused...but she was like the big sister I never had but always wanted...so, of course...I wanted her attention.

Fyre and I were already experiencing a rough patch at the time...but it only got worse from there. I don't know if she was aware she was doing it...but she was...kind of controlling. At least, towards me...over time, she seemed to become more spiteful towards me...I know, I may have done some things to upset them, reading to much into things, getting upset over things that most people would probably find insignificant...I can't help that I am the way I am...I've tried to edit my behavior, to be more satisfactory so she wouldn't be mad or upset either of them...but I'm realizing more and more that I can't, because it's just a part of how my autistic brain acts and perceives things...

Eventually, I just gave up with trying to change, trying to tell them I couldn't help it...but Fyre wouldn't listen...neither would Abby...and that cut me to the core...

One night, in an effort to be more...obedient, I reached out to Fyre, asked if maybe they felt like playing Fortnite, which I know they enjoyed playing, even though whenever I played it I would get upset because I just couldn't get better at the game...I just didn't want to be alone, so I tried to do something they wanted, since Fyre was so adamant about not liking or wanting to play anything I liked...even though friendship is a 2 way street...

I was very polite about my request...and they essentially spit in my face...saying they "weren't trying to be rude, but I don't really want anything to do with you, so could you kindly fuck off"...that was the exact quote...I never messaged them back after that. That was a month ago.

...

Wanting a shoulder to lean on, I went to the only person I knew who had always listened...even when it came to Fyre...so, I took a screenshot of what they said, and sent it to Abby...more than anything, I just wanted her to make me feel better, to understand that I was being hurt more and more by our increasing distance, and by Fyre seemingly pushing myself and Abby further apart, and it may be petty of me to believe it was Fyre, but I know some of it was myself, and I tried to be more of what they wanted, but it either wasn't enough, or my brain fought against me...

I should have known she would have enough of me eventually...she messaged me back, saying that I was essentially overreacting by getting so hurt by those words, and that she wouldn't mediate things between me and Fyre anymore, that we had to figure it out ourselves, and that if Fyre didn't want to figure it out, I had to respect that...that she wanted to be my friend, but I needed to chill out...

I never responded to her...at least, not for awhile...I didn't want to say anything that I thought would make everything worse...I mean, that's all I've been doing recently without meaning to, can you blame me for not wanting to risk doing it again?

She hasn't talked to me since...even though I've reached out, apologized for being such a burden. I haven't apologized to Fyre, because I don't even know what I've done to her...and I know she doesn't care, she just wants me to leave her alone...that much I know...

I've never felt so alone and insignificant in my life. I met Abby at a bad time in my life...and she made everything better, everything seemed brighter. Even when my own mother fought against me out of fear I would be hacked or give away dangerous information that could put me in danger...It all felt worth it, and eventually she gave up, when Abby proved she wasn't some creep on the internet, and I was given permission to talk to her...I didn't have to go behind my mothers back 24/7 just to talk to my best friend...

And now? After, what...10, maybe 12 years, I don't even know, I've lost count...everything my mother feared came true...just not in the way she thought it would...but I did end up getting hurt irreparably in the end...

For the past month of January, I was in Denial, telling myself that we'll bounce back, just like always...I was Angry, at myself for fucking everything up AGAIN...just like with my past best friends...I've only had 2 before her...I Bargained with myself by reaching out, praying for an answer...and I've been Depressed through it all, but even more-so when she never responded...we've never gone this long without talking to each other...that's how close we are- were...

And now? After my mother asked if Abby had talked or reached out to me anytime recently this morning...and I said no...she apologized...and I said "It's fine." She responded with "No, it's not." Knowing it wasn't and seeing right through my mask that I wore, so I wouldn't cry in front of her...she said she'd been through it as well, with my Godmother, who is now miles away in another state, with an asshole of a boyfriend, that she only stays with because she believes she can change him...and while they still talk now...it still hurt my mother...

More than anything...we both lost our sisters...and more than anything, we were hurt, and we missed them...I still do...

But when she hugged me...telling me that it's a part of life, and that I'd be ok after awhile, and that she'd always be there for me...

I suppose Acceptance clicked into place, as I hugged her back.

I didn't cry. I didn't want her to know just how much Abby had hurt me, how deep she'd cut me...how a part of my heart will always be missing as a result...but now?

As I'm typing this, the tears are flowing, and it's all I can do to not sob for a years long friendship...amounting to nothing.

I've accepted that Abby is done with me...I unintentionally pushed her away, because of who I am...because of WHAT I AM.

Because of how my brain works...and while I know that was never her reason, it very well may have been Fyre's reason, because she always wanted me to do things her way, to change how I act to her liking...and I foolishly tried, at least for a little while...until I realized I not only couldn't change anything, but that I was hurting myself trying in the process...

I was never good enough...never obedient enough, for Fyre to want to put up being my friend...so I'm done trying. Done getting my heart hurt by a person I once considered my friend...

And if Abby doesn't see it...doesn't care, to look...then all I can do is respect her wishes...

And to @abbyvolleyball09...if you see this...I wish you and Fyre the best...I'm sorry I was such a burden to you...and I'm going to miss you and the good times we had more than anything...

And, @cosmictyto, I know you'll see this...I just want to thank you for being so kind to me during this hard time...I've been needing a shoulder to lean on, and you have graciously been that shoulder.

I'm glad to say that I can say I at least have one friend to see me through this darkness...even if the darkness is the pain of accepting a former friend no longer wishes to be friends...

[losthomunculus]

Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

[bakugostiddies]

Please god do a villain!au with Todoroki 🧎‍♂️ I usually don't like those but omfg with him it would totally work

Absolutely. This turned into a 4k word fic, but I am too attracted to this man to be ashamed.

Icarus | Todoroki Shouto x Reader

Warnings: eventual smut, temperature play, impact play, kind of dub-con but not really, degradation, praise, villain!au, corruption kink, no gendered terms but reader has a vagina and breasts.

NSFW | 18+

You had fucked up.

The room was dark and dank, eerily quiet save for the sound of your breathing. You looked around frantically, struggling to break loose from the bonds that held you. Shit. Shit. Shit.

As your eyes adjusted, you noted that there was a door ahead of you, a steel one with two deadbolt locks. You could feel a metal chair beneath you, rattling each time you moved even slightly. Your arms and legs were restrained by some sort of extremely strong fabric, but your mouth was unrestricted. Shit. Shit. What was Endeavor going to say? You were still just his sidekick, but this was your first big operation and you blew it completely. He would kill you when you got back, you just knew it. Endeavor took his temper out on you even when you did well, which meant you had no clue what he would do to you after a fuckup this bad. Shit.

Calm down, Y/N, you told yourself mentally. You were safe and unharmed, so maybe they just wanted information. You attempted to activate your teleportation quirk, but it didn’t work. What happened? You could feel yourself beginning to hyperventilate. You didn’t want to die here, after being kidnapped by some asshole who wouldn’t even fight you face to face.

“If you’re wondering why you can’t use your quirk, we just took it away for a while.”

A voice emerged from the shadows of the room, soft and almost velvety. You flinched. You hadn’t even realized someone was here. How could you have missed something so obvious? You felt like a shitty fucking hero.

“Who are you?” You said after a moment.

“Im surprised you didn’t recognize me. Well, I suppose it is a bit dark in here.”

And suddenly with the flick of a match, the voice became a man and the shadows around the room came to life. You swallowed harshly, all of the moisture in your mouth gone. The man stalked towards you with a sureness of a predator and stopped a few feet away from where you were sat in the metal chair. You looked up at his two toned hair, his strong, rugged figure in the flickering light. He wore a suit not too different from that of a hero’s, but he was tinged with scorch marks and small icy spikes. He looked like he was made of fire.

“Well?” He said it softly, but there was a hint of malice in his tone. “Who am I?”

You couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, your body almost paralyzed with fear. You knew who he was, of course you did. He was the one who helped blew up that building on the case you were on a month ago. He was the one who ambushed those (kind of sleazy) businessmen on their way to a cartel. He was the one who’s name was whispered in fear and awe on the nations’ streets. He was standing right in front of you, looking… bored?

The man sighed and fiddled with his match. “Hurry it up, hero, I don’t have all day.”

You spoke almost inaudibly. “You’re Icarus.”

He smiled slightly and a chill ran down your spine.

“See? That wasn’t too hard.”

He moved a bit closer to you and leaned down, his heterochromatic eyes almost level with your own. A single gloved hand moved to touch your chin with his thumb and index finger, moving your head from side to side with a feather-light touch. You hoped he couldn’t feel how scared you were, how your body seethed and rejected his very presence.

He finally released your face and you let out a sigh of relief. Icarus removed a single glove and touched his fingers gently to the match. It went out without smoke or a flicker, just a gentle hiss of frozen silence. The room was dark again, and he was moving, knocking on one of the walls.

“Turn on the lights, Red Riot.”

Your eyes widened. Red Riot? Wasn’t he the pro-hero who became a villain after Dynamight? Holy shit, was Dynamight here? Icarus interrupted your train of thought as the lights flickered on almost menacingly. You noted your surroundings carefully, seeing a bed in the corner, a small table, and another chair. The room looked less like a prison and more like a shitty motel suite.

“Do you know why you’re here?” He sat down in a chair across from you, leaning forward with his arms on his thighs and his legs spread slightly.

“I don’t know, Icarus.”

“Heres a hint; it has something to do with your boss.”

“Endeavor?”

You could feel bile rushing up your throat but you swallowed it down. The man before you clenched his jaw rigidly, as if it pained him to hear the name, but returned to normal so quickly you might have imagined it.

“You’re a bright one. Yes, hero, the very same. And do you have any idea on what he’s planning to do, say, sometime in the next six months?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

His tone was harsher now and he got out of his chair, moving closer to you again. You felt so small under his scrutiny, yet drawn to him like a moth to a flame, like Icarus himself to the sun.

“You see, I’m the only reason you’re alive. And if you want to keep your pretty little head-“ he circled around behind you- “you will listen to what I say.” His voice was barely a whisper in your ear, and your voice hitched in your throat.

“Do you understand?” He asked, straightening up.

“Yes.”

“Yes, sir.”

This was so goddamn humiliating, like your first day working with Endeavor all over again. With him, it was always a yes, sir, no, sir, please don’t make me work weekends, sir. But you swallowed your pride again and spat it out.

“Yes… sir.”

“A hero that obeys commands, what a find,” he said tauntingly. “But you could stand to lose that attitude.”

You wanted to slap him, to beat him up to the point of him being bruised and bloody and broken and then have him call you sir instead. God, if only you could teleport out of these fucking restraints-

“You’re thinking about using your quirk, correct?” It was like the asshole could read your mind.

“You can’t. Aizawa Sensei took yours away. You know him as Eraser-head.”

Fuck, Eraser-head was here too? All of the biggest villains were gathered here together and you- you could do nothing.

“So I’ll ask you again. What are Endeavor’s plans?”

At that moment, you made yourself a promise; that you would not let Icarus win. Little did you know that you would break that promise a thousand times over.

———-

Two days later:

———-

“Did Endeavor tell you about the attacks?”

“No, sir.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Come on now, you can tell me. I won’t hurt you.”

“...”

“Still no response? No matter, I have time to get it out of you.”

———-

Seven days later:

———-

“Still not talking, hero?

Look at that, the silent treatment.

I never thought an adult could be so petty. Just tell me where I can get more information.

Nothing?

Okay. Eat your soup, I can’t have you dying on me before you start talking.

And hero? You will have to open your mouth sooner or later.”

————

16 days later:

————

“Cut the bullshit, hero. We know he has plans for a big attack sometime during the next six months, so either Deku is wrong, or you are lying to my face. And Deku’s never wrong.”

“Well, I guess he’s wrong this time.”

“Then I guess we’ll return you since this has all just been one big mishap.”

“Really?”

“No. You aren’t the smartest, are you?”

“Maybe my brain will somehow recall something about this totally real attack you think is happening if you give me better food?”

“Don't be a brat, hero. I wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble if I had known you would be so inconvenient.”

“Whatever you say, sir.”

————

20 days later:

————

“Thanks for the bread, sir. It's quite an upgrade for a kidnapped person’s shitty meal.”

“You have low standards, hero.”

“Hey, why do you call me that?”

“What, hero?”

“Yeah. I have a name, you know. It's-“

“I know what your name is.”

“Okay, Jeez. If you knew it, then why not use it? Plus, I’m not even a hero yet. I’m still technically just a shitty sidekick who’s totally blown it on my first solo mission. I’m never going to be a pro at this rate, I might as well just give up.”

“I think you’re good.”

“What?”

“I said, you’re powerful and good at using your quirk. You have a lot of assets and it’s a shame your talent is wasted on Endeavor and the fools at the pro-hero agencies. It was difficult to actually catch you off guard, to get past your guards, to make sure your quirk was out of commission. And we are very strong.”

“Oh. Um, thanks, I guess?”

“Don’t thank me, hero. I’m just stating the obvious.”

————

25 days later:

————

“Why is your name Icarus?”

“It's not my real name.”

“Well no shit, dude. I'm asking why you chose it.”

“Icarus was a boy who followed his father’s instructions perfectly, but the moment he strayed from the path set out for him, he was punished, scalded by the flames of the sun, and cast away. But I think it was worth it for him in the end.”

“Why?”

“Because he was free. Because Icarus flew, and he was able to be his own person, even if it was just for a moment.”

“Do you feel like Icarus?”

“Most of the time I do, yes.”

“Sir?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think that right now, you’re flying or cast away?”

“At this very moment, I think I am flying.”

“You know what? I think so too.”

————

29 days later:

————

“So what’s your real name, sir?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why?”

“Classified. Also, I don’t need you to know my name.”

“But you know mine!”

“That's because you’re a prisoner, in case you’ve forgotten. You are almost unnervingly at ease here.”

“I’ve met three people so far and you have all given me no reason to fear.”

“Really? Not even Dynamight?”

“His hair makes me laugh. Plus, I can’t take airheads with overinflated egos seriously.”

“I agree with that assessment wholeheartedly.”

“You agree with my assessment- Sir, you sound like an old man.”

“I’m only three years older than you, you know.”

“Really? But you have all of these wrinkles?”

“I do not have wrinkles.”

“Fine, frown lines then.”

“That makes it sound like I don’t smile.”

“Well, you don’t!”

“It’s hard to find things to smile about.”

“God, you’re such an Edgelord.”

“What do you mean by that? hero, stop laughing.”

“You are definitely an old man.”

————

30 days later:

————

There had been a new development a couple of days ago in the kidnapping situation. You could feel your quirk again, which meant a lot of things. It meant you weren’t here against your will anymore, that you were free to go. Yet you remained. You still stayed in the same room with Icarus checking in on you in the afternoons. However, it had been given furniture- a desk and more comfortable chairs, a small rug on the floor, and thicker blankets. It was almost like you weren’t even a prisoner anymore. You could always leave, you reasoned. You could teleport out of here. Your quirk was back, and yet you stayed.

The other villains had taken a liking to you for reasons beyond your comprehension, but all it meant was that you were never short on company. Dynamight would burst in to complain about how Deku always got the best missions, Red Riot would bring in a deck of cards and the two of you would play go fish or bluff, even Deku would occasionally check up on you and make sure you were comfortable. But your afternoons? They were always set aside for your favorite visitor- Icarus.

...

“You haven’t answered my question about your name yet.”

You were sitting on the cot in your almost room, feet dangling off the edge and swinging back and forth. Icarus was sitting on his chair again, but lazily, with his arms locked behind his head and his legs precariously balanced against the edge of the bed.

“You haven’t answered any of my questions since you got here, so I don’t believe you have a right to complain.”

He was right, of course. He always was. But technically, he was equally at fault in this case. He was the one who sucked at interrogation, so much so that you took pity on his colleagues. They would have to deal with his lack of results.

You weren’t complaining, however. You enjoyed talking to him, looking at him, being in his presence. It was a stupid crush to have, but you didn’t care. He was beautiful to look at, the way his biceps curled behind his head, the lean toughness of his body, the sheer strength he possessed. Your eyes trailed down his sprawling figure, tracing each indent and dip and curve of his skin in your mind.

“Are you finished staring at me?” His words jerked you out of your stupor and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks.

“I-I wasn’t- I didn’t-“ you babbled until he stopped you.

“Don’t worry, it’s only natural to find me… appealing. You haven’t spent time with anyone else for a very long time.”

You almost screamed on the spot, burying your face in your hands. You peeked out between your splayed fingers to look at him, seemingly unbothered save for the slight pink tinge hidden beneath his bangs.

“How can you say things like that, sir?”

“Like what?”

“Uhm, never mind.”

You wanted the ground to swallow you up whole. He was so, so dense, it was a wonder he even noticed you basically eye-fucking him. You felt the cot creak beside you and a slight dip in the weight. Icarus had seated himself beside you on the small bed and was looking at you with eyes full of concern.

“I did not mean to shame you for your gaze, hero.”

He said it gently and kindly. It would be almost romantic if not for the situation you were in. You remained silent, so he continued.

“I believe it is normal for you to feel this way towards someone who has been in such close quarters with you for so long a time. You should be glad that you still have these urges.”

You suppressed a groan. This felt like having the sex talk with your parents all over again. “Sir-“

“-in fact, everyone feels them!”

He was rambling, oh god you needed him to shut up-

“I feel them for you all the time, and I’m completely normal.”

And suddenly, the air changed between you into something charged and heated.

“You… have urges around me?” You wanted to hear him say it again, just once, but he turned away from you, tensing up and rising from his seat awkwardly. His face was stony and his hair covered his eyes like bicolored curtains. There suddenly was space between the two of you, some insurmountable gap that could not be bridged.

“I apologize deeply. I have misspoken.”

“Sir, wait, you don’t have to leave!” You cried out as he made his way to the door.

“But I do. You don’t deserve this treatment, and it is cruel of me to hurt you in this manner.”

And that was when something broke within you, something that had been holding you together this whole time.

“No.”

He turned around, almost scared by the anger in your voice.

“This is when you decide to stop? You have literally kidnapped me, interrogated me, left me in all but isolation, for a fucking month. You took me from everything that I wanted and everyone that I love and yet, and YET, I wanted you. Goddamn it, I still want you. I don’t understand why. So don’t apologize to me for misleading me or whatever bullshit excuse you’ve decided to use as a sheild. Apologize for everything you have done to me, you fucking cunt.”

And then your voice broke and you could feel the tears rushing to your eyes, your vision turning glassy as your chest heaved with sobs. You could feel yourself slipping away, your breaths growing shallow and your body shaking. Why did you stay here? Why didn’t you leave when you could? What was the point, if Icarus didn’t even want you?

And then, suddenly, you felt warm.

Icarus, sir, whoever the fuck he was, was holding you tightly in his arms, head dipped down into the crook of your neck, his arms enveloping you in his warmth. He was your sun. And he could scorch you again and again but you would still be drawn to him.

Your panic died down and you wept for the first time since you arrived. The two of you sank down to the floor, his apologies muttered swiftly and quietly against your skin. You were in his lap now, your body curled up into a ball in his embrace, one of his palms cupping your face. He turned you slightly towards him.

His eyes were wet too, but only slightly, and his fingers were thumbing at the tears on your cheeks. One of them got close to the corner of your mouth and slowly but surely, with almost childlike fascination, he pushed the tip of it in. Your tongue ran along the edges of it, the salty taste leaving you wanting more.

And slowly, Icarus leaned forward, his lovely face the closest you had ever been to him. He removed his finger from your mouth and kissed you instead, gently, and then all at once.

It was a furious kiss, on that burned and heated a cold room. You could feel teeth and tongue and hot tears, a clashing finale of a kiss. It was against your lips that he murmured his name.

“My name is Todoroki Shouto.”

He said it softly, leaving your lips to place open-mouthed kisses on your neck that left you moaning and had wetness pooling between your legs. But suddenly, your eyes snapped open.

“Todoroki? As in-“

He kissed you again to silence as you felt the questions racing through your head. Endeavor was Todoroki Enji, right? But he had never mentioned having kids to you? Was Shouto lying to you? Why did he want to destroy his father? And how were you-

“Shh.” Shouto tapped his forehead to yours. “Let me take care of you.”

Fuck it. The questions could wait.

Shouto reached down to pull off your shirt and groaned at the sight of you. He looked at you in wonder.

“You- hero, you make me feel like I’m on fire.” He said it with such sincerity that you nearly cried again were it not for his palming of your breasts, his burning fingertips tweaking your nipples and making you whimper slightly.

“I am so sorry. I’m sorry for everything I put you through-“ you were placed on the bed- “I’m sorry for taking you away-“ He was kneeling, fucking kneeling, between your legs- “but most of all-“ fuck, he placed hot kisses on your stomach as he pulled your pants down-

“I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to do this sooner.”

And with that, his tongue was lapping at you through your panties, new ones that the villains had provided for you, with reckless abandon. Your hands tugged at his hair and you heard his hum of a chuckle as a vibration on your pussy. There was pressure, so much pressure from him against you, like nothing you had felt before, and when he finally pushed your panties aside, they were soaking wet.

Shouto looked up at you for a moment, meeting your gaze with his own, eyes sparkling with desire. And then, without a word, He pressed a small kiss to your clit that had you jolt slightly before he dove in. He had you moaning within seconds, his tongue lapping at your folds before swirling around your clit. You felt yourself reaching a climax- it was too good and too fast and too much and- Shouto pushed a finger inside you and crooked it slightly and you began humping your hips upwards as he nursed at your clit. Your climax was swift and powerful, but he didn’t move throughout it. Even as you came down from your high, his mouth planted on you and his finger gently pumped in and out. Shouto added one more easily, and you swore you saw stars when he began thrusting. He fucked you with his fingers, marveling at your reactions, the sounds you made, your pussy pulling him in.

“Fuck, hero, you’re so wet. Is this all for me? Have you gotten off to me fucking you like this in this bed?”

You moaned loudly and Shouto removed his fingers, leaving you feeling empty. There was a dark look in his eyes that you remembered from the first day you arrived.

“Answer me, hero.”

You nodded your head slightly, but that wasn’t enough for him. He rose to his feet and without warning, he smacked your clit. You squealed loudly from the stimulation, the pain turning into pleasure quickly. His palm was cold as ice, and you squirmed dumbly against his touch.

“Answer the question.”

“Yes, yes, sir, I’ve thought about you fucking me everywhere in this room-“

Shouto’s palm reverted back to his normal temperature and you sighed with relief as he cupped your pussy and rubbed it gently.

“What a good, slutty, hero. Have you touched yourself when you think about me?”

You blushed slightly and hid your face behind your hands. God, this was embarrassing. Of course you had gotten off to the thought of him, but to say it out loud was a different feeling altogether.

You took too long and Shouto spanked your clit again. You let out a shriek and tried to wriggle away from him, but he just pulled you closer.

“I want to see your face, doll.” You whimpered at the new pet name. “Now, have you touched yourself when you think about me?”

“Y-yes sir-”

“Y-yes s-sir-‘ so shy for someone who wants a villain to fuck your hero pussy into behaving.” he palmed himself over his trousers, letting out a little huff of pleasure. “I want to, shit, want to fucking ruin you.”

Shouto pulled you to him as your hips thrust desperately against the air.

“Yes sir! Want you to fuck me, want you inside me-“

He groaned and humped into you, the metal of his belt buckle catching against your clit and making you flinch with overstimulation. Shouto noticed and pulled you closer as he stood at the side of the bed, your back flat against the mattress and your hips arched upwards to meet his bulge. He rutted into you again, forcing your pussy to kiss the metal of the buckle once more. You felt your body seizing up, your orgasm building inside you, and Shouto, with a sadistic gleam in his eyes, pressed his buckle harder against you.

The longer it stayed there, the more it heated up, almost more pain than pleasure, until Shouto wrapped your legs around his waist and thrust against you. There was a wet patch on his pants and you kept shrinking away from the burning hot metal that teased at your clit.

“You have no idea what you do to me, fucking hell-” He managed to spit out, “I’m not even inside you and you’re dripping all over me like a bitch in heat-”

He continued to hump you roughly, each time more forceful than the last until you came loudly as Shouto pushed your body into the belt buckle. “No more, Shouto, please, no more- its too much-”

“Too much for you already, hero? I haven’t even come yet. And you- how many times have you reached your climax today?”

You almost screamed with frustration- how were you supposed to know, you didn't fucking keep track-

“I can tell you, brat.” He grabbed your waist and flipped you easily onto your stomach. You were completely exposed to him now, unable to see his face, out of control entirely.

“You have come three fucking times. That doesn’t feel very fair to me, does it? Do you want my cum inside you?”

You buried your face into your pillow, and he pushed down slightly on your lower back, creating an arch. You startled when he teased his cockhead against the surface of your pussy, wetness coating his dick.

“Shouto, I want your cum-”

His palm came down hard on your asscheek, forcing a gasp out of you as he rubbed it softly with his palms. He leaned closer towards you, his voice whispering in your ear.

“Then beg.”

And, with your voice muffled by the pillow, you followed his orders.

“Sir, fuck me, please, please- I need you inside me, I need you to cum for me, please- Shouto, Daddy-“

Your begging got cut off by him thrusting into you. You screamed and he shushed you gently, holding your hand with his own. “Do you think you can take the rest of it?”

The rest of it? There was more? You looked over your shoulder and nearly passed out. You had barely taken half of his length and you were already completely filled up. But… you wanted to feel him, all of him, so you muttered a soft “yes.”

“Okay, baby, take it easy…” he eased a couple more inches into you before you tightened up, your pussy clenching and back arching as he slid in. “Oh fuck,” Shouto groaned. “Do that one more time and I won’t be able to hold back.”

And of course, you grinned. And proceeded to clench yourself around his length again.

Shouto nearly growled. “I warned you, hero.”

And then, he thrust into you. Hard. And he kept going, pumping in and out of your body like a machine, his thumb rubbing against your clit and his other hand on your leg. You are screaming and crying and babbling on about how good his cock is, how good you felt, how this is what you wanted. And Shouto? The cocky bastard was gloating.

“Look at you, such a good slut on my cock. Are you crying? God, thats so fucking hot. I’ve got a cute little hero crying on my dick. I know you can use your quirk now, Hero, I know Aizawa sensei returned it to you. Did you stay because you wanted me to fuck you like this? Did you want to be corrupted?”

“Yes,” you’re almost incoherent, “yes, ruin me, make me a villain, I wanna be a villain!”

Shouto slows his pace for a moment. “You would leave Endeavor? Leave the agency?”

“Yes, I would, Shouto, fuck, anything for you-”

He slapped the inside of your thigh before resuming his pace again. You had never felt so full before, his dick reaching places within you that you didn’t even know existed. His palms gripped the sides of your hips so tightly you thought you might bruise, tiny burn marks already forming in the place of his fingertips. You were close, so close, your tears and drool spilling over your pillow and your body limp and helpless before him. Shouto felt you clenching around him, completely spent.

“Do you want to cum again? What a greedy pussy you have, hero, a needy little cumdump.”

You couldnt get words out, croaking out your mumbled yeses and nodding your head vigorously. He pounded even harder into you and reached around your thighs to your clit, rubbing it in tiny circles as he fucked you. You could feel your climax building for the fourth time and you twitched pathetically beneath him. Finally, Shouto pinched your clit slightly and you came with a wail of his name.

He fucked you through your orgasm, but he was slower now, his strokes hitting you deeper than before.

“Do, fuck- do you want me to cum in your pretty pussy?”

Shouto was hunched over you, his head resting on your back and his arms caging you in so that he was all that surrounded you. His breath came out in cold pants and his thrusts got more and more erratic as he neared his own climax.

“Please, I need you to want this, I need you- shit, I...” You could hear the desperation in his voice, how he yearned for you, and you the words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“Yes, Daddy! Want you to come inside, fucking breed me-”

“Oh fuck, Y/n-”

And then Shouto came with a groan, his cum splattering your insides with warmth. He pressed kisses to your spine, trailing his fingers down your arms as he turned you to the side. He didn’t pull out of you as he did so, causing you to groan slightly. Finally, he released you and gently removed his dick from where you were connected. Some of his cum oozed out and he pushed it back in with his fingers, trapping his seed within you forever.

The pair of you laid together side by side for a moment, Shouto’s fingers tracing your body with slow, lingering touches as if he was afraid you would shatter the moment he pressed too hard.

You were the one who broke the silence. “ You said my real name.”

“I did. I love your name, Y/n. It just felt... wrong to say it when you were my prisoner. It was easier to distance myself from you if I just thought of you as a random hero. But you’re more than that now.”

You stared straight into his eyes, your hands reaching up to run gently through his silky hair. “I’m not leaving, Shouto. I’m never leaving this place. And I’m not just staying for you- I like it here. The villains like me, and they respect me. You aren’t bad people- if anything, the rest of the world has been far worse than anything or anyone I’ve faced here. It feels like I’m finally home.”

Shouto gathered you into his arms and pressed you tightly to his side. “You will be mine now,” he said almost matter-of-factly.

“And you will be mine as well.” You planted a small kiss to his nose that made his eyelids flutter and a slight blush crawl onto his cheeks.

“You deserve the world, Y/n,” he said hesitantly. “And I am not even close to being good enough for you.”

Shouto’s eyes were downcast and you could see the doubt creeping in. You gently pressed your fingers to his furrowed brows and soothed the wrinkles away. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He asked.

“Put yourself down. You are more than enough for me. And Shouto? I don’t need the world. I already reached my sun.”

He smiled at you then, with no underlying malice, no undertone of darkness. It was blinding. Goddamn it, you would do anything to see that smile for the rest of your life.

“That was terribly cheesy, Y/n.”

“Shut up, Shouto.”

He kissed you, and you could feel the butterflies in your stomach fluttering up a storm. Todoroki Shouto was your sun, and you were his. And even if you both melted away under your flames, it would have been worth the loss.

-Bonus-

2 weeks later:

“So, uhm, Y/n, Todoroki, we were reviewing the footage from Y/n’s old room the other day. While we’re all happy you two are *ahem* together now, maybe you can display your... appreciation for one another in a more private place?” Kirishima was blushing profusely and refused to meet your eyes. Suddenly, it clicked for you.

“WE WERE BEING RECORDED?”

“And?”

“SHOUTO!”

“Ah yes, how horrible and violating, I feel as though I have been exposed indecently without my permission for the perverted public to see. They will be unable to contain themselves when faced with my immeasurably sexy figure.”

“You are NOT being helpful.”

“I beg to differ, Y/n. Kirishima, is there any way you can send me a copy of the tape-”

-----------

A/N: I hope you like this and please let me know if I should do a villain!UA series because I only write under the influence of peer pressure. 

[sennqu]

feeling petty about complaints that there weren't enough deaths in S4. that's not the right phrasing! it felt unsatisfying because the deaths(or "death" in Max's case) we did get were either super predictable (brenner, jason) or inconsistent with the themes (Eddie, Max). it's not a problem of quantity but quality.

if eddie died acknowledged by the town as hero, that would have had more narrative and thematic impact. but instead we only get dustin and his uncle mourning him. not even the rest of his friends. eddie died in vain. he would have served the story better if he just ended up alive, but no, he had to die for ~emotional impact~. no vindication for the outcast, just feels. (+ his death was super drawn out too. why not just kill him immediately after the guitar solo if he had to die at all? at least that would have been cooler than what we got)

if max became comatose during her first brush with Vecna's curse, it would have made more thematic sense than letting her live the first time then not the second. why? because the first brush made the point that love and human connection saves you. then the second just completely undermined that message. if they let her lose the first time, left her comatose, THEN had a whole second half of the story saving her, it would have tied into that theme of connection while still giving gravitas to the message that trauma hurts you and isolates you, but there is still hope, there is still love. the whole way they went about it this season was just so backwards.

jason's death was admittedly a very cool bit of VFX but it doesn't change the fact that his storyline never really went anywhere. they could have done so much more with the satanic panic arc. his death ends up like a means to tie loose ends.

brenner... his death was arguably the most satisfying but i hate how much sympathy this series heaped on the man this season. we see El telling us how he was in the end still a bad man, but the direction the show went with still sympathised with his morals. and like jason, Brenner's death felt more like something to tie up loose ends than anything meaningful. he showed up and then he died. what he did for El's storyline could have arguably been fulfilled by Owens.

i'm just floored by how unsatisfying and inconsistent Vol. 2 ended up being.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

scrubs - 7.

PAIRING: doctor!sebastian stan x biomedical scientist!reader

WARNINGS: fluff

A/N: have fun everybody xx

< previous chapter

She was stubborn. She’d always been stubborn from the moment he’d first seen her a few years ago and while he knew so many staff over his very long period at the hospital which had seen him do his own residency, he could not forget the first time he saw her. The first thought that popped into his mind was how cute she was in a clearly oversized lab coat as she followed her supervisor around carrying some stock. He’d offered to help her out yet she merely looked him up and down with a sarcastic smile before telling him she didn’t need his help. The exact same sarcastic smile she was wearing right now. 

Time had barely weighed on her, after all, it hadn’t been that long ago and while her hair had changed, her defiance had remained. There weren’t a lot of people who defied doctors or even nurses, they had this sort of mystical tsar like dominance inside hospital walls yet not only she defied him, but she also had almost always the upper hand. 

     - Why would I do that? - she cocked her head to the side, eyebrow raised up as she taunted him. 

     - Because ... - he stood close to him, way too close for her to feel his breathe on her face. His finger traced the side of her jaw, slowly and with torturous intent before he leaned down to her ear. - You really get keyed up when I’m not inside you, doll.

Y/N’s cheeks heated up but she remained her composure, studying her opononent as if this was a chess match. Her eyes looked up at him, a small smile on her lips before she leaned in to kiss him. He melted into her kiss, pressing her against the wall as it became more intimate and lustful, yet it wasn’t messy. She was merely pressed against that wall, his lips molding with hers as his hands rested on her waist. Her hands rubbed up and down his chest, one of them resting upon the hard on visible from his scrubs. She squeezed his through his scrubs as her kisses leaned down from his lips to his jaw and neck, leaving enough lipstick marks to have people wonder. 

    - I guess I’m gonna be keyed up ... - she stopped the kiss before slipping from under him, her hand resting on the knob. - Knock yourself off, Dr. Stan. 

Sebastian remained speechless as he watched her leave. Oh, oh she was wanting to be chased? He smirked to himself, grabbing his jacket before looking down at his erection. That was going to be a fun lunch break, he thought to himself. He allowed her to remain in his mind through his whole shift yet not on the way it usually remained. He wasn’t annoyed at her, it was something else. Maybe he did have an idea of what to do. 

She on the other hand was busy dealing with her ever rushing thoughts about the doctor. She had a bright smile on her face every once in a while every time she thought about what she’d done. Sure, she knew she’d probably deal with the consequences of it the next time they spoke or when HR found out she kissed him in the middle of the reception hall but that was a future problem. She continued with that little smile even as she grabbed her bag, walking down the stairs down to her car, only to find the same man on her mind sat on the boot.

   - Dr. Stan, you do realise you have to enter the car to actually drive it, correct?

   - You are the most difficult woman I’ve ever met. 

   - I didn’t realise we were still fighting over the obvious. - she fished her purse for her keys. 

   - Let’s go on a date. - he jumped off the car. - Hopefully, you’ll end up in my bed as well. 

   - A date? Doctor Stan, the only thing I want to do is get takeaway from the little Italian restaurant next to my house and watch Netflix.

   - Come on, doll. You gave me blue balls the whole day, least thing you can do is have a bite with me. 

She poundered over the question for a little bit. Surely she wouldn’t want this going around the hospital or she would lose the little credibility she had in those halls yet, at the same time, she did enjoy her time with him no matter how much he attempted to get on her last nerve. She lowered her shoulder, letting out a sigh before holding up her keys in her fingers. 

  - You’re driving. 

  - I can’t drive such a tiny car. - he pointed at her baby blue Fiat 500, the very first car she’d ever bought and the only car she’ll ever have for all she cared. 

   - They say men with big cars are compensating for something. Got anything to hide, Dr. Stan? - she smirked as she opened her passenger door. 

  - You would know, wouldn’t you doll? - he caught the keys from her, pushing the driver’s seat back before closing the door. - Damn, this is a tiny car.

  - You’re a tiny car.

  - Is that all you have? I expected a better come back from you.

  - Like you expected me to make you cum earlier? 

He smiled to himself as he started the car. Sebastian honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d driven with someone by his side, much less a woman whom he wasn’t related to. Her car had such an aura to it, the aura of who she was outside of work. He’d never stopped to wonder who she was off work, what she liked, what she disliked; however, her playlist gave a quick peak into a bit of her tastes, a mix between musical theatre, sad pop music, c;assic music and Britney Spears. It made her rounded, more than the woman she was at the laboratory, more than the supervisor Y/N he was so used to have petty fights with. Everything in the car just yelled out who she was, from the little vanilla scent dangling off the mirror, the lipgloss on the side, a few books in the backseat and the car itself. He thought his car was so dull compared to hers, always so unlived in. 

   - Are we going to sit in silence or ... ?  -  she leaned against the head rest.

   - Oh no, doll. I like not talking to you, you normally end up kissing me out of the blue. I could get used to that. 

   - That happened because you were a dick to me. 

   - That happened because you were jealous. Admit it, you like me. 

She remained silent, looking at him through the corner of her eye with a childish smile. He drove past her favourite Italian, getting her reserved order before deciding to take them to his apartment. Sebastian was sure she wouldn’t want him in her flat, no one had really been there. She was a quiet person outside of her job, no one really knew what she exactly did or what she liked. He wondered what type of person she was outside of work but he could only imagine she had that same spark. That little thing which just made her the person he knew.She was always too big for that little hospital.

  - You passed my street.

  - I know. We’re going to my place. I know you’re a private person. 

  - Oh ... - she bite the inside of her lip, looking out the window. - That’s awfully thoughtful of you.

  - Everything ok? - he asked but she merely nodded, leaning on her own hand yet the answer didn’t satisfy him. - You can talk to me, you know? I’m not all bad. 

  - I didn’t know you were a psychologist. 

  - Do you even have anyone to talk to? - he questioned, more in a joking manner than in a serious manner yet her face dropped. Her eyes darting to look out the window as she forced laughter. - C’mon people talk on dates.

  - I have my parents but they’re not in the country. - she answered, pulling at the edge of her cuffs. - It’s only glamorous to work in a hospital if you’re a white male doctor. 

  - Something happened?

  - Not important. - she changed the topic. - Pay attention to the road before you wreck my car. 

Sebastian wanted to ask her, he really did, yet he doubtted she would open up to him. Maybe for good reason, after all, their relationship had been, somewhat, strictly professional for years. Nevertheless, it still tugged at the back of his mind even as he parked. Sebastian existed the car, carrying whatever it was she had ordered before opening the door for her. 

Maybe it was the fact she had been extremely drunk the last time or that she was much more focused on getting him to fuck her but the view from his penthouse flat was something breath taking. She took small steps towards the balcony, holding out the rail as she looked up the city from the top. Everything looked so small, like her own personal sky full of stars. She could just look at it for hours and forget everything.

   - Do you wanna eat out the packaging or do you want me to plate it? - he spoke to her from the kitchen. - Y/N?

   - Whatever’s better for you. - she looked out her shoulder before returning to look at the city. Sebastian dropped the plates onto the marble countertops, abandoning his task to go and join her. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, as if questioning what he was doing by her side. 

   - What’s bothering you? 

   - Nothing’s bothering me.

   - You haven’t bullied me yet. You’re either really trying to get into my pants which is not hard at all, really just need to ask or you’re upset. Either way, I wanna help.

    - You wouldn’t understand. - she leaned her arms on the railing. 

    - I don’t need to understand, I just wanna be there for you.

    - So you wanna be my therapist? - she dryly chuckled. - I’ve just been hating my job.

    - Everyone hates their job.

    - I was the first in the family to go to university, the smart kid. I always did my best, gave up on a regular growing up because I needed to be the best to merely get the opportunities other people had. I worked hard, graduated top of my class and when I got this job I was so happy. - she shakily sighed. - But now I just hate it. I do everything I can, I do the best and beyond, edit company SOPs and training forms and I’m still treated like scum. I just thought that with a degree I would do what I like but instead I’m stuck in that job, unable to do what I like because it doesn’t pay the bills. I interview all the time and it’s always a no. I’m just unhappy, alone and lonely.

  - You’re not alone. You have that friend ... what’s her name? 

  - Miriam? Try being friends with someone who’s recently engaged.

  - I’m sorry. - he scratched the back of his neck. - I didn’t know you felt that way, Y/N. That’s awful. 

  - Thanks, Dr. Stan. I appreciate it. - she saluted him sarcastically. 

  - You need to let people in. 

  - I’ve already let you in. 

  - Not like that. - he chuckled. - You’re always so uptight. Don’t get me wrong, I love it but other people don’t.

  - I don’t really care if people like me. I’m used to it. 

  - Thank god I like you then. - he kissed her shoulder. - And not just when you’re naked and under me. I like talking to you, baby doll. You should quit that job. 

  - And you’d pay for my tiny flat?

  - No. You’d move here and walk around naked with your glasses talking to me about how dumb I am about microbiology.

  - Is that what turns you on?

  - You’ll be ok. I promise you. - he pulled her close to him. - Besides, if anyone ever treats you like scum, you let me know and I will make their life very hard. I can be a nuissance. 

  - I know. - she leaned her head against his shoulder. - It’s a date now.

taglist: @rebekahdawkins​

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

If Bella was a boy (with Bella's gift. And he would be ​Edward's singer). What would change? What do you think?

So, I gave a fairly detailed response to this already. The long and short of it being that, depending if Beauford’s the right kind of guy, he and Edward will essentially end up in a romantic relationship neither realizes is romantic. Then Edward eats Beauford at some point.

But, since we’re here, I suppose we can enter imagination land and get into some more details.

Caveat that I haven’t read Life and Death and have no desire to, so we’re actually ignoring some strange alternate universe canon that never made much sense anyway. Shocking, I know, and very unlike this blog.

Beauford Swan and a Kid More Messed Up Than Even Bella Swan

In order for our love story to even start, Beauford has to be the kind of guy that Edward’s into (or can project that he’s into). Well, we know Edward’s into Carlisle (he projects pretty much an idealized version of Carlisle’s personality onto Bella and actively wants to look like Carlisle as to him Carlisle’s is the face of holy perfection while Edward looks like a demon) and given what he says he likes of Bella’s personality we can extrapolate from there.

Edward’s not going to be into an Emmett or anyone remotely resembling Mike Newton. He’s going to be into a quiet, kind, misunderstood, sensative, intellectual who probably looks some level of frail and in need of protection. Essentially, what he saw in Bella, subverting the Madonna complex he has for her a bit (Beauford will be a kind of Madonna, sort of, but not quite so blatant).

So, we have Beauford, who looks a lot like male!Bella and by that I mean he keeps her pale skin, her big dark eyes, and general look about her that she could break with the slightest contact. Basically, he’s a very pretty guy the likes of which typically comes from a shojou anime. He’s also likely still debilitatingly clumsy.

So, you have this guy who’s awful at sports, as in each time he tries he probably ends up in the ICU. Is an intellectual in that he reads old books, an odd amount of Jane Austen at that, but isn’t actually an artist or writer. In fact, other than reading, he has no real hobbies. Has a larger than life mother who constantly needs looking after. And has nothing in common with his peers.

As bad as Bella had it, I posit Beauford would have had it worse. He’s not going to get along with 90% of boys until... probably college. He’s always picked last in kickball, shares 0 interests with most other boys, and is probably ruthlessly bullied for all of this and more. Worse, being so pretty, he’s going to attract a lot of romantic attention, especially from preteen girls who are very into that look and Beauford’s sensitive artistic nature. This is going to get him so much shit from other guys.

Add on top of this Bella’s original difficulty socializing and I imagine Beauford is just as depressed if not more so.

Fast Forward to Forks

Beauford comes to Forks for a similar reasons to Bella, because he felt like a third-wheel in Renee and Phil’s relationship and that his mother was better off without him. I can also see him just not knowing how to act around Phil, who probably expects a stepson who’s more... sonnish. Beauford’s not going to play catch with dad in the yard and I can see Beauford wanting to avoid all of that entirely.

He enters Forks and has a vaguely similarish reception to Bella. Only, there are some key differences.

I imagine Mike, Tylor, and Eric quickly sour on Beauford as he goes from being potentially cool new bro to a guy that can pick up every girl in this school. He’s like the Cullens, but less incestuous and creepy and therefore a thousand times worse. They desperately don’t want Beauford sitting at their lunch table where he can potentially pick up all the babes. 

In other words, Mike is the new Lauren, and Beauford knows it. But it’s either eat with these guys or eat in the bathroom, and Beauford’s not at that level of desperation yet.

Jessica’s probably into him, having been into Edward (another pretty, sensitive, guy), but unlike Bella I imagine Beauford has a little better social intelligence in that he has seen this game before and he knows where it leads. So, he desperately, actively, doesn’t flirt with anyone. Which makes him a terrible conversationalist, and he just comes off as really weird.

Beauford, therefore, actually is a Cullen 2.0. You don’t want to be a Cullen 2.0 (Bella is the only one in that school who thinks the Cullens were in any way popular).

I imagine Edward notices this, plus Jessica’s interest, and gives a Nelson laugh from across the room. Now someone else can have the joys of Jessica Stanley’s lust. Though he does notice he can’t read Beauford’s thoughts, which is strange.

Like Bella, Edward undoubtedly thinks Beauford is at first highly overrated, just like all the other mindless teenagers in Forks, and rather plain (from his narration, Edward likes blondes and lighter eyes). 

The Rest

Biology happens, it’s a disaster, Beauford has no idea what he did to get Edward to loathe him so much but this time Mike isn’t in any way sympathetic. Instead, Mike just can’t believe he and Cullen seem to agree on something for once.

Edward flees to Alaska, decides he won’t lose to Hamburger, and comes back to do damage control. And we start mirroring canon a lot here. Edward has varying conversations with Beauford, is intoxicated by his very scent, and starts projecting an almost saint like personality onto him. Edward grows increasingly obsessed, starts creeping into Beauford’s room at night to protect him from spiders, etc.

The difference being that Edward is utterly convinced that what he and Beauford share is the highest platonic ideal of friendship. They are platonic soulmates, all other friendships pale in comparison to them, they are intellectual peers and artists.

This is even when they still go to the meadow, Edward kidnaps Beauford in Port Angeles for Italian dinner (despite Beaufrod not having been nearly raped without Edward’s intervention), Beauford is invited to the Cullen house, and more.

Beauford, being Bella levels of oblivious, also has no idea this is a romantic relationship. Likely, what he feels at first and is driven by is a strong sense of kinship with Edward. As Edward is also an intellectual outsider hated by the male half of the school. Beauford’s been there, bro. 

However, like Bella with Alice, he appreciates small details of Edward’s vampiric physical appearance, enjoys staring at Edward’s perfect face, and really digs that vampire smell.

I imagine, beyond what happened in Twilight things like the following occur: Edward constantly sketches Beauford in unintentionally (but secretly intentional) erotic positions with no clothes (this is art!), Edward leers at Beauford changing in his bedroom because “we’re both men”, Edward insists on discussing Beauford’s future bride with Beauford and imagines the most perfect woman in the world while also imagining smashing her head in like a melon.

But I imagine most of the Twilight plot points happen. The difference being that everyone is very confused on why these two can’t admit they’re dating. Rosalie probably bringing up very valid points of “Edward, if you want this guy to go date someone else then you can’t monopolize his life” and Edward telling her to stop being so petty and jealous of Beauford’s beauty. Aro, I imagine, just dies in New Moon and has no idea what to say when Beauford returns from the dead because it’s not, “Oh look, the lovers reunited! Ah, right, I forgot, they’re just friends. Yes...” 

The other difference being, as I strongly suspect that without Renesmee Edward would never have turned Bella (Renesmee really forces that issue as Bella actually dies before Edward turns her), that he would have eventually eaten Beauford as Alice predicted.

But he’d be so delicious.

[five-rivers]

Pennywort and Swallowtails

For @phantomphangphucker :)

Prompt:  Flynn, due to being Phantom’s aka the Ghost King’s family and part of the Zone’s society, receives a Prince title and is now getting crowned.

.

Flynn couldn’t put his finger on exactly why, but the Ghost Zone seemed different lately.  There was something in the atmosphere, almost.  It felt… lighter, maybe?  

He didn’t like it.  

After all these years in the Ghost Zone, he’d come to regard any change from the norm with suspicion.  The tendency had saved his life multiple times.  Usually, such changes were caused by a nearby and powerful ghost.  Or, on rare and terrifying occasions, a not so nearby and obscenely powerful ghost.

For example, that Pariah Dark guy he’d heard about from some of the ghosts he traded with.  Flynn sure was glad someone else had taken care of him.  Not that Flynn was much good in a fight against any ghost more powerful than that annoying one in overalls that showed up whenever Flynn so much as thought of making anything even vaguely box-shaped.

Which wasn’t that often.  Flynn had never really nailed the whole carpentry thing. Ha.  He’d never been super great at the whole square thing either. Because he wasn’t one.  Skipped school and everything.  The whole high school experience.  Ha.  

Sometimes he really cracked himself up, but only in the most depressing of ways.  

He sighed, heavily.  Maybe he should think about spending more time in his hideaway cave, under his cottage (aka his shack, it was a shack, who was he kidding).  Stock up on supplies.  Get ready to weather a storm.  Literal or metaphorical.  

But hiding out in the cave was so boring.  There wasn’t anything to do down there. Except try to design better grass shoes and to patch his increasingly ragged clothing with limited amounts of thread. He preferred being outside greatly. Even if it was just on his little floating island, messing around in his little garden, growing potatoes and blood blossoms, digging for those crystals ghosts seemed to fear and desire in equal measure.

Flynn was peripherally aware that he was supplying the ghosts he traded with the equivalent of ghost uranium (one of the few human-world things he’d picked up was a middle school science textbook), but…

Yeah.  Guy had to eat, and the Ghost Zone didn’t exactly have cops running all over the place, or the United Nations, or… yeah.  Honestly, the Ghost Zone didn’t have much of anything, at least not in these parts.  It was pretty empty around here.  

Just like Flynn’s heart.  

Ha.  

Yeah.  That was a good one.  

Eh.  Life wasn’t so bad.  He was sort-of-kind-of friends with half a dozen undead monsters of questionable morality, had his own house, most of his teeth, and copious free time.  Plus, it had been a while since the ‘rocks from nowhere’ decided to trash his roof.  Which was bad for the sport he had invented (Chucking Rocks into the Misty Void), but good for roof integrity.  And not having a concussion.  Or losing any more teeth.  

But, back to his original topic.  

Flynn glared absently at the Zone at large. Okay, yeah, something was going on. Was it Flynn’s problem? Maybe.  Was it directly Flynn’s problem?  No.  The day was otherwise clear and ‘normal’ (the term being used loosely in the Ghost Zone), so he might as well go about his day—

The sky tore open in front of him.  

Flynn recognized that.  Before he knew what he was doing, he threw himself away from the portal. The last time he’d stepped through one of those—

The thought crossed his mind that this portal might lead back to Earth, back home, back to Mom.  But he knew from his ghostly friends how unlikely it was that the portal would put him anywhere near his home physically, not to mention temporally. It might not even lead back to Earth for that matter.  

He took cover behind a boulder, cursing his blasé dismissal of potential danger.  Who knew what could come out of a portal?  At least according to the ghosts he talked to.  Hopefully, nothing came out that he couldn’t beat into submission with his ectoranium staff.  

This was going to suck so much.  

The portal disgorged three floating eyeball ghosts in voluminous robes.

(One of the other books Flynn had gotten his hands on was a dictionary.  Which he had read.  Twice. Living on a tiny floating island was boring when it wasn’t terrifying.)

Ah, heck.  He could take one ghost.  Three? Yeah.  Not a chance.  

Maybe they’d leave?  They couldn’t know for sure he was here.  With how unpredictable portals were, and all.

“Flynn Walker,” intoned the central eyeball ghost with a great deal of gravitas.  

Flynn’s body did something between a cringe and a blanch.  

He was never trusting Globithar the Lapidarist’s tall tales ever again.  He wasn’t going to give him any more discounts for them, either.  No way to control a portal his scarred left butt cheek.  

“Flynn Walker,” repeated the eyeball ghost, now with a touch of annoyance.  

“In accordance with the laws of the Infinite Realms,” said the leftmost ghost, in a higher-pitched voice, “we call you to take up your position in the Court of the King of All Ghosts as a member of his family.”

Ah, that ectocontamination Aunt Maddie had sometimes talked about had finally caught up with him, and he was hallucinating something fierce. Either that, or these ghosts thought unbelievable jokes were good bait.  They weren’t.  Flynn would know.  He’d made many unbelievable jokes.  They’d never attracted anything but groans.  

Ha.  

“This is ridiculous,” hissed the third ghost.  “He isn’t even a real ghost.”

“He’s more ghostly than Phantom’s sister,” said the second.  

“We don’t have any choice about her, though.  Can’t we simply… not tell Phantom about this Flynn? Especially if this cousin of his is so craven as to hide at a moment like this.”

Rude, but accurate.  

“He’ll find out,” said the first eyeball, tiredly. “He always finds out.  Damn Clockwork.”

This was officially too weird for Flynn.  Why were they cursing out clocks?

“Because they’re petty and don’t have anything better to do.”

Flynn may or may not have shrieked like a little girl at the voice behind him.  The uncertainty was mostly because Flynn hadn’t seen or heard a little girl since he was in the vicinity of his cousin, Jazz, which was years ago.  At least a decade.  

But he did scream.  Loudly.  Which he really should know better than to do, living in the Ghost Zone and all.  He brought his staff up defensively, too, though, so his self-preservation skills hadn’t completely shorted out.

“Clockwork!” chorused the eyeball ghosts.  

“Yes, yes,” said the ghost who’d snuck up on Flynn, flicking imaginary dust off his robe as he smoothly, and dizzyingly, shifted between ages.  “I’m sure you’re all very shocked that I’m here, after you just finished complaining about how much I know.”  He examined his fingernails.  “Now, Mr. Walker—”

“Walker?” shrieked one of the eyeballs.  

“Yes, he is related to our illustrious sheriff. As I was saying, I am here to bring you to your cousins, who have risen quite a bit in this world.”

“What.”

“It is, indeed, rather surprising,” said Clockwork. “To those who cannot see the twists and turns of fate.  Or those who are willfully blind to those twists and turns.”  He eyed the eyeballs.  

“What,” repeated Flynn, more forcefully.  

“Clockwork,” growled the lead eyeball.  

“Allow me to explain,” said Clockwork.  “Do you recall your youngest cousin, Daniel?”

“Uh,” said Flynn.  He adjusted his grip on his staff.  “Vaguely?”

“He was crowned King of All Ghosts a few weeks ago. As a member of his family and an active participant in ghost society, you are automatically a member of the court. Assuming you wish to be, of course.”

“You- You’re saying I have family here.”

“Indeed.”

“Like, Aunt Maddie?”

Something odd passed over Clockwork’s face.  “No.  Your cousins. Daniel, specifically.”

“Wait, wait, he was a baby.  Wouldn’t he only be, like, ten or something?”

“Fifteen,” corrected Clockwork.  

“How did he die?”

“You will have to ask him that,” said Clockwork.  He raised an eyebrow.  “If you would like, you can sleep on this and I will return tomorrow.”

Flynn bit his lip.  Hard.  Okay. He wasn’t dreaming.  And- And this ghost didn’t seem to be lying. What would the point of that even be, anyway?  Flynn was nothing.  He didn’t have anything they could possibly gain by lying like this.  

“I’ll go with you,” said Flynn.  

“Excellent,” said Clockwork, clapping his hands.  “Then let us away to the castle.”

.

Well.  That was certainly a castle.  Or a palace? Flynn wasn’t sure of the difference. The ghosts hadn’t lied about that, at least.  

It was a big step up from Flynn’s house.  Which, honestly, more deserved the title of hovel. Or perhaps shack.  

Or even hole, when compared to all this.  Dear god, this place was fancy.  

Flynn hunched his shoulders, feeling out of place even as Clockwork led him deeper into the massive edifice.  

Come on, Flynn, he thought furiously at himself. Some of these people aren’t even wearing skin.  You are not underdressed.  

Clockwork brought him to a normally sized (which was, incidentally, not a given in this place, which contained both huge and tiny doors) door with understated but elegant carvings.  “Here are your rooms,” said the ghost.  “You will find a selection of clothing in your size in the wardrobe, and the bathroom is fully stocked and human safe.”

“Human safe?”

“Human safe.”

That was ominous.  

“There is a bell in the room that will summon a servant should you need one.  I will collect you for dinner in three hours.  Long enough for you to relax, I should hope.”

Or long enough for him to worry himself into pieces and chew on their curtains.  

… There would be curtains, right?  This place had to be fancy enough to rate curtains.  

He opened the door.  

Lots of curtains.  Lovely.

No, really.  It had been so, so long since he’d seen curtains.  He might be crying.  

Oh, gosh, that bed looked so nice and soft.  He wanted to—

Wait, no, he was filthy.  Filthy.  Covered in years’ worth of grime.  He hadn’t had a proper bath since he’d still been living with his mom.  

Pathetic, right?

There was a human-safe bathroom in here somewhere. Beyond the snark, he was looking forward to having a human-safe bath.  He was craving a human-safe bath.  With clean water and soap.  

Could the bathroom also have toothbrushes?  Toothpaste?  Unrestrained luxury.  

The bathroom door was in the same style as the outer door, but the handle was different, lighter.  The inside was tiled and surprisingly modern.  

There was a sink.  

He played with the sink faucet for several long minutes before remembering that he’d come in to take a bath.  

He spent several minutes playing with the bathtub faucet.  

Then he got into the bathtub and experienced a half hour of combined panic (he didn’t really know how baths worked anymore, and the sensations were weird) and nirvana (the sensations were also good).

He had to keep cycling the water.  Because he made it so, so dirty.  He sank into the water, up to his chin.  

When he got out of the water, he decided his hair was a lost cause.  Because it was always a lost cause.  Only, it was even more of a lost cause now, because it was also wet and had been stripped of its usual protective layer of oils.  

There was a variety of toothbrushes and toothpastes available.  He tested them out and discovered that he would probably need the services of a dentist. A good one.  Were there ghost dentists?  There had to be ghost dentists.  They had a lot of teeth.  A lot of teeth.  Sharp, scary, teeth.  

Ugh.  His baby cousin was a ghost.  He’d probably have teeth like a shark.  When he’d last seen him, he’d hardly even had any teeth at all.  Because.  Baby. Little, tiny, baby.  

Who Flynn barely knew.  

Why did he even want Flynn?  Or was it just some weird ghost tradition thing?  

Ghosts were weird.  Anything could be possible.  

He flopped face-first onto the bed.  His bed?  His temporary and maybe permanent bed.  If he was allowed to stay here.  

Oh, gosh.  Clockwork and the eyeballs seemed to know how to make portals.  Could they make a portal back to the human world? To Earth?  

To Flynn’s proper time?

To Mom?  

He missed Mom so much, even after all this time.  

(Dad?  Not so much. He hardly remembered the man.)

He wouldn’t know until he asked, he supposed.  But asking maybe-royalty would be scary. Talking to all these powerful ghosts was scary enough by itself.  

Ehhhh, he thought he’d gotten rid of his more cowardly side by now.  He was living in the scariest place out of the world.  

Ha.  

Yeah.  

He crawled out of the bed, dragging his nice, clean self to the wardrobe.  Oh, boy. Many clothes.  He hadn’t even seen so many clothes since the last time he’d been in department store.  Incredible.  

They were so fancy, too.  He didn’t know how to choose.  

He didn’t even know how to wear half of these things. At least half of them.  

He began to tease lengths of fabric from the wardrobe and lay them on his bed.  Some of them looked cool.  And also the kind of thing that he’d destroy just by touching it.  

Except he had already touched them, and they hadn’t been destroyed yet.  Yet.

Oh, cool, there was underwear.  Wow.  It had been a while.  

.

Okay.  The bed was incredibly nice, but somehow too nice.  Like, no nap nice.  

He wanted to take a nap.  

But no nap was occurring.  

The bed was too soft.  Ugh.  This was like the thing in that one war novel he’d read when he was probably way too young to read it.  

He groaned.  He hadn’t thought that was real.  He’d thought it was an exaggeration, or just drama.  Or something.  

He crawled off onto the floor and the wonderfully plush carpet.  

Maybe he could sleep here.  

.

He woke up to a faint knocking sound and rolled sideways under cover.  What cover? Oh.  Bed.  That was the bed.  He was in the room.  In the castle.  The ghost king’s castle.  

His baby cousin’s castle.  

He was going to cry.  This was so weird.  

Embarrassed, he rolled back out from under the bed and threw on the first clothes that came to hand.  Which.  Might not have been the best of ideas.  But, hey, he was dressed now.  

He stumbled over to the door and spent several long, embarrassing seconds sleepily remembering how to open doors with this type of handle.  Eventually, though, he managed it.

Clockwork was standing there.  One of his eyebrows went up.  “Interesting choice.”

Flynn looked down.  Orange and green went fine together.  What was he talking about?  

Forget it, he wasn’t about to develop a sense of social shame after living in a hut for a decade or so.  

“Come, now.  Your cousins are expecting you.”

Flynn briefly considered ducking out, phasing through the floor and out of the castle using a tangibility trick he’d picked up a couple of years back.  At least, that would spare him from this ‘diner’ he was rapidly approaching.  

He decided not to do that.  Running away wasn’t his style.  

(Who was he kidding?  That was definitely his style.  He would have run away so, so much if he had anywhere to run to.)

(It wasn’t like he could exactly fight ghosts on even footing.  Each and every one of them had Martian Manhunter’s powerset.)

“Don’t be afraid, Flynn,” said Clockwork, looking back over his shoulder.  

“Do you, like, read minds?”

Clockwork chuckled.  “Only the future.”  He swung the large, gilded door open.  

Inside, there was a long table, set with silvery plates.  There were a small group of children beyond it.  One of them waved at him.  Was that Danny?

Flynn took a deep breath and walked forward, back to his family.  

[starstruck-shima]

❄️Kaeya meets a Bunny Girl Senpai❄️

Notes: Kinda crack, references to Kaeya’s backstory, fem reader, heavily based off of/inspired by Bunny Girl Senpai.

“In which Kaeya questions his sanity over a wild bunny girl that only he could see.”

Sometimes, he wonders if he’s finally lost it. After all those years of working in the knights, experiencing the shithole that was his early childhood, and the split that happened between him and the man he still saw as his sworn brother, you’d be pleasantly surprised to see how Kaeya still persevered and became the infamous cavalry captain we all know and love today.

And yet there he was, taking a double take on the sight before him during his rounds around the city. More specifically, the sight in question was that of a girl, just around his age--yet unlike him, who at least considered donning on some type of protective wear (wether it was for the weather or public decency, perhaps both), she opted for a less... conventional outfit. It was the bunny ears that really caught his attention though. 

He’s less intrigued by the black leotard, tights, and heels and more interested on who you are and why are you doing this. A wild bunny girl, with a vision strapped onto your collar too... you were most certainly a big deal. Yet why did no one bat an eye at you, or at least your appearance? 

“You’re staring.” Those were the first words you said to him, and Kaeya blinks--seeing bunny ears nearly obstruct his vision. You could talk. He’s either imagining things even more or it was a sign that you had a mind of your own. Either way, he’s still a bit taken aback. “Huh, you can still see me.”

“Forgive me, I just couldn’t help but notice you. What brings you to Mondstadt?” He tries to carry on a conversation--a surmise way for him to ease someone into at least spilling a bit of info on them.

Your next answer caught him off guard. “I live here.” That certainly raised his suspicions. He’s been patrolling around Mondstadt for years, to the point where he knows the familiar faces of regulars at the Angel’s Share bar, and even the names and schedules of the knights who guard the city walls. Who exactly were you? Perhaps you were new? But you didn’t look like an outsider either... you felt right at home in Mondstadt.

“I’m (Y/n) (L/n), part of the Knights of Favonius.” His eyes widened a bit at the revelation. You were part of the knights? “Forget what you saw today. Farewell.” Before he could inquire further, you had disappeared right there and then.

Kaeya takes it upon himself to immediately read up on you. Records, testimonies from fellow knights, checking your rank, asking Lisa, he did it all. His findings surprised him even more--not much was known about you, and from what he heard, you’ve barely even showed your face--or rather, not much have actually seen you around. Some can’t even recall your appearance. Yet the records state otherwise. You definitely existed. 

And so, Kaeya’s trip down down the rabbit hole had begun. After all, someone had to get to the bottom of this, and frankly, he was pretty much the only one who could, considering the circumstances.

It wasn’t long until you noticed his behavior, and it led to another chance encounter. This time, in front of your house. You knew he would’ve eventually found out in the records, yet you were surprised at his perseverance nonetheless. What was his deal? “Cavalry captain, why are you so persistent?”

He chuckles. “So you do know me.”You roll your eyes a bit. It was nothing, really. He was a huge a name here after all. 

When you ask him why he cared for your case so much, he simply responds like it was common sense. You still don’t understand why. ”It’d be bad for me to let you run off on your own, you know? Especially in that.” His eyes gesture onto your clothing. Right, you almost forgot. “Consider it a favor.”

And thus, began your strange friendship with Kaeya.

It started a bit rocky, but as time passed, the two of you started to see past your differences. Petty remarks turned into playful banter, and suspicions were cast aside into genuine fondness--though none of you openly admitted to that.

Kaeya soon learns more of your predicament, after patiently waiting for you to be ready to open up. It started with an incident in your lab--you were testing the limits of elemental reactions, which led to an explosion. 

At first, you thought there wouldn’t be any side effects, however, you quickly learned that the opposite was true, when Sucrose came to check up on the noise... yet didn’t notice you in the room. It only got worse from there.

So, you tried to test another theory. People were sure to notice and have a bigger impression of you in their memory if you caught their attention, right? Perhaps by making a huge impression, it’ll trigger a memory--hence causing them to remember. So, you opted for something that would definitely be a sight worth seeing (and remembering, to an extent). That was how you ended up as Mondstadt’s wild bunny girl, hopping around the city as a phenomenon waiting to be seen.

Yet somehow, only one man did. And amidst the time you had to bond, wether it was during a quiet meal in your abode after he helped you in getting groceries, or looking through the library for hints to solve your predicament, Kaeya and you proved to be quite the close pair.

Time was ticking however, and you knew that if Kaeya and you couldn’t find a solution, then sooner or later, you’d be gone for good. Left to be forgotten. A failed experiment.

It was something you never told Kaeya--something you kept hidden in your many papers dedicated in solving your predicament. You kept convincing yourself that it was better this way. He could go back to his knightly duties and continue protecting Mondstadt without an extra burden.

But what you didn’t know was that he found out. It was all adding up, really--the way you started to distance yourself from him, how you began stocking up on food, and the notes he read behind your back when you were away. 

...Which meant he also read about the details of your planned experiment to make him lose his memory. And he didn’t like the idea one bit. He’d never abandon you after all you’ve been through. He hates the very idea of such.

So one day, when you asked him to meet you in front of the gates, wearing that same old bunny girl suit for shits and giggles, he knew what he was getting into. He calculated the time you’d finish prepping your little memory loss experiment, and today was the day.

You thought everything was going as planned. Kaeya didn’t once suspect the drink you gave him. Your first mistake. Your second was letting your guard down... as Kaeya had immediately chucked the drink into your lips, forcing you to gulp it down, choking in disbelief. Wait... did you see him spit it out right as he did that?!

“You--” coughing, you look at Kaeya in distraught. “YOU KNEW?!”

But the man merely chuckles, quoting a friend that helped him solve the mystery. Of course, in return, he had to submit a full, detailed report on your entire predicament, but he could care less. Thank you Albedo.“With equal force comes equal reaction.” 

“I still don’t get what you mean--” you stiffen, suddenly feeling eyes on you, several people saying your name. Wait... if they remembered your name, could they see you?

“So that was where you ran off to,” You almost cry tears of joy when Albedo actually talks to you, walking alongside Sucrose to where you were situated. “I expect a huge explanation on how all of this happened--” he briefly turns to Kaeya. “--And everything in between.”

Still in the high of euphoria, you don’t notice the cold night air until Sucrose brings you back to reality. “Um... Ms. (Y/n), not to be rude, but... aren’t you cold in that?”

You stiffen, your mind wanting you to slap the blue haired man behind you for laughing hysterically in response. Right, almost forgot about that.