#we’re in love also fits kanej

[cowboylikejesper]

every time i listen to “without you without them”, “true blue” and “we’re in love” by boygenius i think of wesper and it makes me feel sick to my stomach

[jahayla-parker]

Real Life "Book Boyfriend" : Freddy Carter x Reader SMAU

Description: Fluffy Social media AU for Freddy Carter and reader/wife

Warnings: none that I can think of!

Liked by yourusername, amitasuman_, benbarnes, and 798, 261 others

freddycarter1: philosophizing about the origins of crows 📸: @/yourusername

view all 309, 618 comments

benbarnes: handsome even as a shadow🔥

freddycarter1: ❤️

yourusername: sure… crows 😜 totally not the Nandos you just ate 😏

daniellegalligan_: girl I thought you were calling him out for not saying it was him thinking about you… so now I’m disappointed

freddycarter1: @daniellegalligan_ @yourusername a man can philosophize about more than one thing at a time 💁‍♂️

tommyae: y/n is taking better photos than you now bro

freddycarter1: I want to be mad but I agree 🤷‍♂️

Liked by amitasuman_, lbardugo, freddycarter1, and 615, 471 others

yourusername: Book dates > anything else

view all 432, 785 comments

kittheyounger: who is the new beau? 🤔

yourusername: …new?

kittheyounger: Freddy doesn’t read 🤷‍♂️

yourusername: *Amita voice* what does that mean?

freddycarter1: @kittheyounger 😂 mate she wasn’t on set that day hahaha

freddycarter1: ❤️

lbardugo: books are the best, although I’m a bit biased

amitasuman_: aesthetic queen 👑 p.s. I want a book date with you🥺

yourusername: name a time and place 😘

liked by freddycarter1, lbardugo, amitasuman_, and 812, 936 others

yourusername: can’t decide what’s more aesthetically pleasing… the library, the book, the outfit, or the man 🥰

.

.

.

Kidding, it’s definitely the man 😘

view all 581, 092 comments

lbardugo: add gloves and a cane = Kaz. I will stand by this casting until the end of time ❤️

yourusername: 💯♾️

kazbrekkerswife: my husband is so fine 😭

yourusername: mine too 😉🥰

freddycarter1: I adore you ❤️

archierenaux3: how do I just know you spent a lot of time in there?

yourusername: a room full of vintage books with aesthetic lighting? Of course I did 😂🤷‍♀️

liked by amitasuman_, lbardugo, yourusername, and 719, 471 others

freddycarter1: Coffee < Books < Her ❤️

view all 528, 231 comments

yourusername: my real life book boyfriend 🙌🥹

freddycarter1: … we’re married, darling 😘💍

yourusername: it’s a thing Freddy, obviously 💁‍♀️ same way I know you’re not actually a character in a book, smh 🙄 💕

archierenaux3: you’ve got to be running out of books by now mate

freddycarter1: have you seen her TBR? ♾️

archierenaux3: that’s true, she told me she added another two just the other week at that 😂

benbarnes: 😍

liked by yourusername, benbarnes, archierenaux3, and 913, 471 others

freddycarter1: No shelf control

📸: @/yourusername

view all 698, 190 comments

benbarnes: whew 🥵 y/n is a lucky woman

yourusername: 🍀💯

kittheyounger: nice fit mate 👏

archierenaux3: very smashing mate!

yourusername: we love the two best Grishaverse book boyfriends supporting each other #Kanej #TeamMalina

benbarnes: beg your pardon?👀

lbardugo: 🫣

liked by archierenaux3, benbarnes, freddycarter1, and 741, 653 others

yourusername: I only love my bed and my man, I’m sorry 🎵

(Not really sorry 💁‍♀️)

pc 🤳: best brother in law ever @tommyae

view all 536, 417 comments

kittheyounger: okay, I love this 👌

freddycarter1: ☀️❤️

benbarnes: only you two would start your day by reading 😂

yourusername: I’ll have you know we also had an amazing brunch thanks to chef Freddy 💁‍♀️

freddycarter1: wouldn’t want to wake up any other way ❤️

amitasuman_: can’t wait for you to tell me what you think of this series 💕

liked by amitasuman_, archierenaux3, freddycarter1, and 561, 741 others

yourusername: Sweetest things in life 🍬

pc📷: @freddycarter1

view all 324, 857 comments

amitasuman_: 👑

daniellegalligan_: Hot drinks and hot girls 🔥

archierenaux3: taking photos of you reading? What a good book boyfriend 👏

yourusername: the best 🙌

freddycarter1: still not sure I love this book boyfriend thing 🤔😂

archierenaux3: fortunately for you, you just lost a point with that comment🤦‍♂️

yourusername: it’s a compliment Freddy 💁‍♀️

freddycarter1: I’d rather still be considered your husband 💁‍♂️

yourusername: you are 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️ you’re my real life husband who has “book boyfriend“ vibes 🙄❤️

freddycarter1: I just looked up what that means, my apologies ❤️🤦‍♂️

yourusername: I’ll still keep ya 🤷‍♀️😘

liked by amitasuman_, freddycarter1, benbarnes, and 615, 328 others

yourusername: A home without books is like a room without windows; dark and boring. Why be boring? 💖

view all 502, 361 comments

kittheyounger: Which book is this? I can’t keep up with so your reads 😂

yourusername: check out my GoodReads 🥰

amitasuman_: absolutely precious loves 💕

lbardugo: fantastic caption 😊

freddycarter1: 🧐❤️

liked by benbarnes, yourusername, tommyae , and 471, 652 others

freddycarter1: Key to happiness 🥰

view all 243, 587 comments

benbarnes: sickeningly cute 🙄

yourusername: okay Aleksander 💁‍♀️

tommyae: ❤️ you mates

lbardugo: the caption is very accurate, everything in this photo makes me happy 😊

freddycarter1: 😁

yourusername: ❤️

liked by amitasuman_, yourusername, tommyae, and 829, 471 others

freddycarter1: GoodReads & Great Company 😘

view all 741, 298 comments

tommyae: looking radiant love @yourusername

yourusername: Thank you Tommy 🥰

yourusername: favorite place with my favorite person 💕

freddycarter1: don’t misquote my caption darling 💁‍♂️

yourusername: woooowww you’re lucky I like you 🙄

freddycarter1: just like? 🥺

yourusername: no 🙄, not just like ❤️

freddycarter1: 🥹❤️

amitasuman_: my wifey 💕

daniellegalligan_: no, MY wifey 💁‍♀️❤️

freddycarter1: 🤨

yourusername: @freddycarter1 yours (if you stop with the attitude 😉) 💕

FREDDY CARTER NAVIGATION/MASTERLIST

KAZ BREKKER NAVIGATION

MAIN SIX OF CROWS NAVIGATION

GRISHAVERSE NAVIGATION

PIN HAWTHORNE NAVIGATION

MAIN MASTERLIST NAVIGATION (AII MY WORKS)

Current tag list (comment here to be added): @ell0ra-br3kk3r@brekkershadowsinger

[kazscrows]

Six of Crows Reread 🪶

Chapter 28: Inej

Kaz was watching her intently, his bitter coffee eyes glittering in the light from the dome.

The classic Kanej stare

You can’t tell me he’s not worried about her-

I’m sorry but the thought of Kaz and Matthias even trying to blend in with the Menagerie is hilarious

But of course Kaz has a different plan

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” said Kaz. “Helvar’s been holding out on us.”

“Have you?” asked Inej.

“It’s not—” Matthias dragged a hand over his cropped hair. “How do you know these things, demjin?” he growled at Kaz.

Because he’s ✨Kaz✨

I love when Matthias calls him demjin

And of course Kaz’s plan involves going back on just about everything of his original plan

The man has plans A-Z in his head, but none of them are simple

Jesper held up a hand. “I’m sorry, isn’t Black Protocol the thing we want to avoid at all costs?”

 I can just hear Kit saying this really well for some reason

Probably because in season 1 he says something vaguely similar like “You want us to get on that skiff??? The one full of people who, oh right, want to kill us—“

Kaz gazed out at the White Island, head tilted, eyes slightly unfocused.

“Scheming face,” Inej murmured.

Jesper nodded.

“Definitely.”

I am once again here for Jesper and Inej’s friendship and Kaz’s scheming face

Inej thinks about how she’s going to miss his face because she’s decided on hunting slavers-

“I’m all for locking the Fjerdans in their own ‘fortress’,” said Jesper. “Truly. But how do we get out? Once we trigger Black Protocol, you guys will be trapped on that island, and we’ll be trapped in the outer circle. We have no weapons and no demo materials.”

Kaz’s grin was sharp as a razor. “Thank goodness we’re proper thieves. We’re going to do a little shopping – “

That grin is going to kill me someday—

Inej upon receiving the peacock feather tattoo again:

Inej took a deep breath. “It’s warpaint,” she said, both to Nina and herself. “It’s my mark to take.”

The knowledge that they might never see each other again, that some of them – maybe all of them – might not survive this night hung heavy in the air. A gambler, a convict, a wayward son, a lost Grisha, a Suli girl who had become a killer, a boy from the Barrel who had become something worse.

Classic classic line

And hey- they do all make it through book one–

Oh Jesper just said the open casket line—

I never know how I feel about the show using quotes early.. it’s fun, but also kind of disappointing?

Like Jesper can’t say that again if we ever get the ice court adapted…

But on the other hand it was quite fitting where they placed it in season one

The StrUGgLe—

Anyways….

Get ready for a lot of Kanej

You can just assume I’m the equivalent of a keyboard slam for the next several quotes

“I have something for you,” she said as she pulled his leather gloves from the sleeve of her prison tunic.

He stared at them. “How—”

“I got them from the discarded clothes. Before I made the climb.”

“Six storeys in the dark.”

She nodded. She wasn’t going to wait for thanks. Not for the climb, or the gloves, or for anything ever again.

He pulled the gloves on slowly, and she watched his pale, vulnerable hands disappear beneath the leather. They were trickster hands –

“When we get back to Ketterdam, I’m taking my share, and I’m leaving the Dregs.”

He looked away. “You should. You were always too good for the Barrel.”

It was time to go. “Saints’ speed, Kaz.”

Kaz snagged her wrist. “Inej.” His gloved thumb moved over her pulse, traced the top of the feather tattoo. “If we don’t make it out, I want you to know …”

Gaahh say something Kaz!!!

The heart is an arrow

She reached up and touched his cheek. She thought he might flinch again, even knock her hand away. In nearly two years of battling side by side with Kaz, of late-night scheming, impossible heists, clandestine errands, and harried meals of fried potatoes and hutspot gobbled down as they rushed from one place to another, this was the first time she had touched him skin to skin, without the barrier of gloves or coat or shirtsleeve. She let her hand cup his cheek. His skin was cool and damp from the rain. He stayed still, but she saw a tremor pass through him, as if he were waging a war with himself.

“If we don’t survive this night, I will die unafraid, Kaz. Can you say the same?”

His eyes were nearly black, the pupils dilated. She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer. It was not enough.

You’re right Inej. It’s not enough

But give him time

I think you’ll find him ready one day

Go sail the world and take on the slavers but maybe come back and check on him every now and then

He’s changing too

You also just short circuited his brain

She had her aim now, her heart had direction, and though it hurt to know that path led away from him, she could endure it.

But is it really aimed away?

Truly?

Maybe it goes straight through him—

Connecting you together…

—————————————————————

“Inej looked down at the wolves chasing each other around the rotunda floor. “I’m not sure why I began this,” she admitted. “But I know why I have to finish. I know why fate brought me here, why it placed me in the path of this prize.”

She was being vague, but she wasn’t yet ready to speak the dream that had ignited in her heart – a crew of her own, a ship under her command, a crusade. It felt like something that was meant to be kept secret, a new seed that might grow to something extraordinary if it wasn’t forced to bloom too soon. She didn’t even know how to sail.

Hm… what if the diamond necklace Heleen wears will be replaced by the necklace Alina gave Kaz in the show?

Poor Nina. No one can move as gracefully at the Wraith

A lot of this chapter is just Nina tumbling from air vents

Inej tying up the other Suli girl-

Oh gosh…

Nina smoothed her hands over the ridiculous costume. “I’m about to be very popular.”

“I wonder what Matthias would have to say about that outfit.”

“He wouldn’t approve.”

“He doesn’t approve of anything about you. But when you laugh, he perks up like a tulip in fresh water.”

Nina snorted. “Matthias the tulip.”

“The big, brooding, yellow tulip.”

Bless Nina for making this moment so ridiculous Inej can’t dwell on it for too long

But then of course they get separated

First | Previous | Next

[crows-and-cookies]

SPOILERS ABOUT ALL GRISHVERSE BOOKS

What strike me when you read the Grishaverse books in order is how much Leigh Bardugo grew while writing them. Don’t get me wrong with this bit of analysis—I love all of them, and they’re all good. It’s just occurring to me as I read them how her style improves as we go on.

The shadow and bone series is a bit clunky, moving in fits and starts, with a tiny bit of a gap between each story. Personally, I don’t think the Mal/Alina relationship is as well developed as others to come. And there’s some things that Alina doesn’t explain, but not in the mystery way of the crows, but in like the way that she’s describing the action with not as much emotional depth as she could (think in the second book in the church with the Darkling). Also, it’s purely Alina’s POV (with the exception of the first and last chapters).

In SOC, we start to get that alternating POV, which gives us more insight into other characters, fully fleshing out the issues and events. Even with Kaz, who doesn’t think he likes to show emotions (which he does show emotions, just under the guise of Dirtyhands’ violence), we have his internal dialogue of what he’s feeling, fully giving us the scene/scene reaction.

Additionally, the diction is more poetic than the glimpses of poetry we saw in Shadow and Bone. ‘Her heart was a river that ran towards the sea’, ‘I will have you with armor, Kaz Brekker, or I will not have you at all’, and don’t even get me started on the sheer magnitude of metaphors packed into SOC.

Not to mention the way Kanej grow towards each other in SOC, how they do the same things but for different reasons. Malina is growing, but it’s Alina growing and Mal chasing her, and he ‘grows’ in the sense of dedicating himself to her, but not in the sense of himself as much as Alina does. Kaz grows from wanting revenge to wanting to build something, to wanting Inej. He finally wants something for himself, but not under the guise of money, for the reality that he loves her. He has growth outside of her, but she helps it along. Inej moves from wanting forgiveness for the sins forced upon her (I think) to wanting to change the system. Inej gave Kaz the space and want to build something, and Kaz gave her the strength and skills to want to fight not just for herself, but for others.

Additionally, the scale of everything is increased in SOC. The violence and stakes seem greater, even though the Shadow and Bone was about a war, and SOC was about criminals. Alina does eventually kill people and works through that emotionally and notes how it conflicts with her image as a martyr—the crows kill people and it’s a backdrop for other problems. Kaz kills Oomen (after ripping out his eye) for what he did to Inej, for risking the safety of his people. It’s him ‘making him pay’ and keeping his reputation on the surface, but underneath it’s about him having feelings that he doesn’t understand about Inej and about protecting what he’s built. Inej kills Dunashya as a way of killing her ‘shadow’ and moving forward with the idea of doing harm to do good (killing slavers to stop slavery). While the setting is smaller (just Ketterdam and the Ice Court, mostly), the stakes feel much more fleshed out and higher. It’s something they all want, for a variety of reasons. Alina didn’t get that until halfway through the series at least, as she was fighting herself. Also, Alina’s want is mostly Mal, which is strengthen by the fact that he’s an amplifier, but for me that doesn’t feel as deep as the crows wants and needs. Finally, Shadow and Bone is about someone learning to become Grisha—Six of Crows says fuck that, we’re all equal here, and makes a fulfilling story and plot with several Grisha and non-Grisha, challenging the world view that was presented in Shadow and Bone.

And now for King of Scars and Rule of Wolves. We're focused on two people who need each other to survive logistically (for ruling the country), but romantically it has to be pushed into the background of their lives. It's not the one sided pining of Alina for Mal, nor the denial we see with all three of the relationships in SOC. There is denial, but their positions of power add depth to their reasons why they can't be together, with logistical issues (Nikolai having to marry a princess) getting in the way, instead of just feelings. We see a little bit of that logistical issue for Mal and Alina in the first book (the letters never sent) and are introduced to Matthias and Nina as being separated due to Nina, but the fact that Zoya and Nikolia literally use the rumors about them to protect Nikolai but actually can't be together? Ouch. And again, we're hit with the Grisha and non-Grisha being on equal footing, but not just as criminals--as royalty. The circumstances for their relationship have been elevated.

I will say I don't find KoS and RoW as poetic as SOC, but that doesn't mean it's not well written. Her dialogue was always good, and it continues to be great as the books go. Where Bardugo really shines is in being able to play with characters we've already met, and really dig deep into them. We've seen Zoya grow from the sidelines, and then she makes her literally more badass that Alina was. Nikolai accepts his darkenss and monster. The Darkling actually has an ending that feels more satisfying than if he was just killed, because we thought we already got that! And Nina? Her relationship with Matthias actually grows in the reader's eyes postmortem. Even minor characters, like Adrik and Leoni, Tamar and Tolya, and David and Genya! She really gave herself the space to flesh out these characters and let them grow as people who've survived one war and don't want another.

I will say I loved that Zoya accepted queenhood as a Suli queen, but it could have been gone into more, instead of hinted at a few times. (Also, I'm a mixed, white passing brown woman, so I identified with her in those few moments.) And Nikolai's choice to step down and do what we're introduced to him as (an adventurer) is perfect. This book shines because the ending speaks for itself and ties up a lot of loose ends.

In all, SOC and CK are my favorite. I'm sure I could find other things, but I wrote most of this at work in early December and then found it again in the new year and added the part about RoW and KoS. Bardugo's growth through the series is evident, and I wholly recommend rereading them all in order if you haven't.

[portokali]

melocrows (melodrama for the crows)

green light - nina!!! did it frighten you? how we kissed when we danced on the light-up floor

sober - but what will we do when we’re sober? / ain’t no pill that can touch our rush - all very jesper, a song all about chasing a high and drowning away your troubles/using pleasure for escapism, while constantly anxious of inevitably having to face reality.

homemade dynamite: jesper/wylan anthem. don’t know you super well but i think that you might be the same as me / behave abnormally and they are, of course, blowin’ shit up with homemade dynamite.

the louvre - kanej anthem, giving half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor a different meaning - they’re not fucking, it’s kaz casually undressing & washing up in front of inej (all part of his flirting technique all part of the plan). i am your sweetheart, psychopathic crush is kaz pov / but lover you’re the one to blame, all that you do, can you hear the violence? is inej pov.

liability - you were little much for me / you were liability is very much Sad Wylan Hours, whether because of his father or even the crows roasting him early in the first book.

hard feelings - predictably another kanej anthem. please could you be tender? and i will sit close to you is inej @ kaz i’m at [ketterdam] city, it’s late and this song is for you is kaz @ inej. the entirety of the song? kanej 2nd act breakup (it actually plays everytime they get pissed at each other and inej walks away bc theyre dramatic like that)

it was real for me, yeah, real for me, now i’ll fake it every single day til i don’t need fantasy - also very nina/matthias post-betrayal

loveless  - all of them as they are all the l o v e l e s s generation (of the barrel).  but it’s specficially giving nina and jesper cause they’re the ones to go well guess what? i like that so although the general sentiment of lovelessness applies to all the crows, nina and jesper are the narrators of the song because they’re aware of it (as Designated Team Flirts)

sober ii (melodrama) - Everyone anthem, as after all it is the title track. ish.

clearly a much more somber jesper pov from sober (all the gun fights, and the lime lights / god i wonder why we bother) - but the fact that the tone is much more reflective this time around gives the song a wylan voice (something about lights are on and they’ve gone home / oh how fast the evening passes, cleaning up the champagne glasses and wylan alone/lonely in his family mansion)

the existential/religious undertones of this steer to an inej pov: the holy sick divine lights is her struggling to reconcile her actions with her faith as well as her being an outsider to the main religion in ketterdam, and no you won’t remember in the morning when i speak my mind is very inej pov kanej early in soc.

at its heart, though, the song is undeniably soc-era nina/matthias: they’ll talk about us, all the lovers, how we kissed and killed each other, and then finishes off with one of the most -if not the most- kaz lyrics, which is, of course, we told you this was melodrama / you wanted something that we offered

writer in the dark - 1st verse is kaz pov of the kanej breakup (sorry i was never good like you)

the chorus doesn’t really fit them as they never kiss, but it works beautifully for wylan after jesper kisses kuwei (bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark - kuwei isn’t exactly a writer but everyone literate is a writer to wylan).

but in our darkest hours i stumbled on a secret power, i’ll find a way to be without, babe - nina in the second half of ck. edit cause apparently this post wasn’t already long enough: so is i still feel you now and then, slow like pseudoeuphedrine [*parem]

i’ll love you til my breathing stops / i’ll love you til you call the cops on me is everyone @ everyone.

supercut - matthias and nina about their relationship pre-soc. mostly matthias pov, but make you crazy over my touch is all nina

liability (reprise) - as liability is a wylan song, liability (reprise) is a jesper song, especially after falling out with kaz and progressively getting over him while still caring for him. all of the dreams that get harder / all of the things that i offer you / but you’re not what you thought you were. 

perfect places - kaz!!! are you lost enough? have another drink, get lost in us, this is how we get notorious / all of the things we’re taking, cause we are young and we’re ashamed / all of our heroes fading / what the fuck are perfect places, anyway?

[youremyonlyhope]

Thoughts on the Six of Crows Duology

Maybe it’s because this took place over a much shorter timespan than Shadow and Bone, but I feel like I could pinpoint all the plot points and the timelines of Shadow and Bone better than I can for Six of Crows. When I made my post about SaB, it was easier to remember the order that everything happened. I think that because SoC has multiple chapters covering the same period time from different characters’ perspectives along with lots of flashbacks thrown in, that it’s causing the order of events to be a jumble in my mind.

But anyway, Six of Crows was a dramatic and fun (well... not fun..) heist novel, while Crooked Kingdom made it its personal mission to destroy me emotionally. I loved every second of it but I don’t know when I’ll properly recover.

Obvious spoilers for Six of Crows trilogy, but also the Grishaverse in general. (Most of this was written at the end of June but not posted until now)

So I guess I’ll start with Six of Crows. Maybe I’ll do a paragraph for each part... I’ll probably give up on that pretty quickly but we’ll see.

I love that the series has Inej’s POV be the first of the Crows that we get and then she also gets to be the last POV of the Crows too. If I hadn’t seen season 1 of Shadow and Bone first, I’m not sure how I’d have reacted to Kaz’s ruthlessness or the world of Ketterdam in general. I also knew that the Kanej relationship would be insane amounts of pining and the pain of requited-but-thought-to-be-unrequited love, so I was sort of shocked that in one of the first chapters Kaz changes clothes with Inej in the room and she ponders “Am I the only one he lets get this close?” And he says in that same chapter “my darling Inej, treasure of my heart...” I was like, I know he’s probably teasing but oh my god... we’re just going right into it. Leigh’s teasing us already. I knew then it would be torture. Moving on. Matthais killing a wolf hurt my soul and I wasn’t even aware that the wolves were THAT sacred to Fjerdans. And I guess maybe I shouldn’t have watched the show first since Matthais trying to choke Nina did not shock me.

I give up on this one paragraph per part thing already.

Something I did not expect was Jesper sort of having a crush on Kaz too. Did I just not notice that in the show or did they decide to leave that out? I guess I shouldn’t be shocked but still, reading about Jesper’s little tiny thoughts of jealousy was interesting. Inez’s thoughts of how much she hated that her heart’s arrow seemed to aim for Kaz when nothing can ever come of it hurt me. AHHH and idiot Kaz saying “I always come back for my investments” to Inej when he’s carrying her just.. this idiot. Did he ever even say “I’m sorry” at some point in the books? I can’t remember, it’s a blur of emotions. Kaz, sweetheart, you’re CARRYING Inej, you can barely stand having someone touch your sleeve and you’re CARRYING her. How could Inej even question that he cared about her more than just being another investment if he carried her to safety? How could you question it if he feels comfortable enough to undress around you? The boy’s dumb, listen to his actions not the stupid words he says.

It’s funny, while double checking how many more Grisha books remained as I walked to my bookstore a few days ago to pick up Nikolai’s books, I saw on Leigh’s website that she has another book called The Ninth House. And it said “While the books of the Grishaverse can be safely explored by readers of any age, Ninth House is darker, more graphic, and intended for adults.”

...

Ok Leigh. Tell me in what world would the scene where Kaz stabs and pulls out the eye of Oomen then throws him overboard be considered a scene that can be “safely explored by readers of any age”?? That was a lot. I wasn’t expecting that level of personal violence this early. I was just as horrified as Wylan and Matthais were when they witnessed it.

Anyway. Nina wishing for one more day of Healer training back in the Little Palace hurt. Looking back through the book just now I laughed at Nina saying to Jesper, of all people, “Do you know how to find a Grisha who doesn’t want to be found?” I have so many thoughts about Jesper that I will have to save for later. And Matthais’ “I might have loved you too.” felt like a stab to my heart. Honestly I know I said earlier that Crooked Kingdom ruined me, but I guess SoC did too and I just forgot about it all until just now because Crooked Kingdom turned it up to another level.

The friendships they all have. I almost wish they never needed to leave that boat. Nina and Inej were adorable when Nina sang for her. Jasper and Inej bonding over questioning why they still follow (and love) Kaz while also knowing neither of them ever want to stop was amazing. Throw in Kaz thinking “Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days” about Inej and it’s just a recipe for making Hope emotional.

People had told me the Nina and Matthais scenes of SaB season 1 were pulled straight from Six of Crow’s flashbacks, and they were not lying. A few differences here and there but it’s pretty accurate. I think the show’s pacing for those scenes was off though, sometimes it felt rushed and other times it felt too drawn out (especially since I had no clue how these two would fit into everything because I hadn’t read the books yet). Reading the scenes made me appreciate what they’d been through much more. And I do like how the show adapted the reason that Nina turned Matthais in as a slaver.

Slowly having Kaz and Jordie’s backstory unfold was traumatizing. I had wondered what made him so touch averse, and now I get it. What Kaz went through was terrible. I could barely read the words because it was so painful. Inej being so understanding while not knowing everything that happened, just knowing that Kaz needs her to not judge him for fainting or recoiling from touch, was beautiful.

The reveal that Jesper was a Grisha was sort of spoiled for me because 1) in the show one of the Heartrenders said “What are you? You’re a-” to him so that was a big hint. And 2) a YouTube comment I saw confirmed that that line referenced that he was Grisha. This is a trend, YouTube comments have spoiled me multiple times over the last 2 months. You’d think I’d learn, but nope, I just got spoiled for Rule of Wolves not even an hour ago because of a YouTube comment. I thought I was finally safe to watch SoC videos since I wouldn’t be spoiled. I forgot that people can discuss the other books too. Anyway, Jesper being a Fabrikator is a dream come true since that’d be my ideal Grisha power. Even though I knew it was coming, I still was sort of surprised by the way it was revealed, so I’m sure that it came as a shock to readers who avoid spoilers, unlike me.

The entire heist in the Ice Court caused me constant anxiety. How in the world could everything go so wrong in so many different ways and still work out? I felt like every single page there was some new blindside and yet the Crows (but mostly Kaz) managed to figure out a way out of it. I really didn’t think that it’d start to go wrong as early as it did with literally the first very first steps of the plan failing. Nina and Kaz searching the cells and getting caught, Inej finding out that the chimney was hot and ended up melting her shoes (I was so especially mad about the shoes being ruined). I was very surprised that Kaz was as reckless as he was to detour and find Rollins. It felt out of character, but proved how deep his hatred is if he nearly risked the entire reward just to make sure that he still has the chance to get revenge on Rollins later.

Nina and Inej pretending to be with the Menagerie was insane. Inej’s internal freak out when Heleen recognized her made me feel so scared for her, but I was 20 times more scared for Nina with Brum. Those few moments where I thought Matthais really had betrayed the Crows and sold them out to Brum made me so mad. I knew deep down it had to be a bluff to get Brum out of the way, but I was still scared it was real. God, I felt so much relief when Matthais let her out, they found Kuwei, and Kaz got them all out through the Sacred Ash.

The stealing and driving of the tank was borderline ridiculous, but I was just happy to be along for the ride. Nina using the parem though... and the pain she went through afterwards while in withdrawal. God that hurt me. I couldn’t even be remotely happy at Kaz admitting he wants Inej because I was so worried about Nina. I literally was like “Kaz shut up about your feelings, Nina’s body is literally falling apart in the other room.”

I should have seen it coming that the Van Eck deal was too good to be true, and yet I was still blindsided by the attack and the kidnapping of Inej. And then going straight into a chapter narrated by Pekka Rollins was like whiplash, but I just went with it. I didn’t really realize how strange it was to get Pekka’s POV, but I didn’t care because I saw all the remaining pages and wanted to see how they’d save Inej. Then that chapter ended and on the next page I read the words “I have a degenerative condition...” I was confused by the sudden use of first person, and realized I was at the Acknowledgements, which meant the book was done.

I looked from the last page, back to the acknowledgements, and back to the last page, then I literally said “WHAT” out loud as it hit me that the book had ended with the worst cliffhanger I think I’ve ever experienced. I legitimately tossed the book to the floor after I came to terms with the fact that book was done. I was so mad.

Onto Crooked Kingdom! Boy did I not know what I was in for. I thought I did. I knew Chapter 40 was coming but instead I got an entire book of emotional destruction.

First of all, I love maps. So I was very glad to get a detailed map of Ketterdam with streets! And actual places! I probably stared at it and studied it for 5 minutes straight before even reading the book. The more detailed a map is, the happier I am. This map made me very happy.

The biggest takeaway of the first section of Crooked Kingdom is that Inej still believes that Kaz only cares for her as an investment. Breaks my heart. But also, Kaz traumatizing a little girl in the first few chapters makes you wonder if he even deserves Inej (he does, but wow is he ruthless. He didn’t kill the kid at least I guess). 

Colm. I have thoughts about Colm. He’s such a loving father. I will say more later when it’s more relevant. I loved that the rest of the Crows came to Jesper’s defense to create a lie for his dad, and that Colm adopted all of the kids. I can’t even read the word Colm without wanting to sob so I’ll stop with him for now.

I don’t know how I feel about us, as the readers, being left out of pieces of the plan. I’m not sure if this is something I love or hate about the way that Leigh writes the Crows novels. It’s fun for plot twists and usually does make sense when it’s from the POV of a character that Kaz purposefully leaves out of part of a plan, but that doesn’t always end up being the case. The Alys kidnapping was a complete blindside to me. Matthais sharing the chocolates he bought for Nina with Alys was sweet though, that he wants Nina to eat again so much that he’s ok with it just being sweets. I feel so bad that Nina can’t even eat that.

The Goedmedbridge plan with all the fake Mister Crimsons was an actual stroke of genius, if only the Shu didn’t come out of nowhere. Once again, everything going wrong yet the Crows finding their way out of it somehow. While Six of Crows felt like everything was going to plan until it wasn’t and then they were able to get back on track in a different way, Crooked Kingdom felt like constant blockages and blindsides and conflicts that came out of nowhere. The story and the plan and the plot changed so many times that it felt like I was on a roller coaster getting whiplash.

I’m scanning Part 3 and honestly, this feels like it all happened 5 minutes ago not like it was in the first half of the book. But oh my god, the line after Kaz and Inej stakeout the Van Eck house. “I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together – knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.” Inej, my girl, how in the world do you think this boy doesn’t care about you? Oh my god... oh my god... I’d die if someone said something like that to me. Kaz, sweetheart, love, sometimes you say the stupidest things, but then other times you say the most violently romantic things I’ve ever heard.

And then Matthais saying Nina looked “Enchanting” in the Fjerdan clothing? This was just chapter after chapter of me squealing. And honestly, once again, meeting Zoya in the tavern feels like it happened in Part 5 not Part 3. I read this book so quickly that I really can’t remember the order of events until now that I’m scanning it.

I’m really glad that we got more of Wylan’s backstory and got to meet his mom. I wish he could have been better prepared for that, but there was no way. Hearing about Matthais’ wolf Trassel was the perfect thing to start breaking my heart. I said this last time with Hershaw and Oncat, I’m more sad when a pet is left behind by their dead/missing owner than when the pet themselves die. I nearly sobbed when Matthais thought about how Trassel must have been abandoned by the other Druseklle when he disappeared. 

Matthais, Jesper, and Kuwei half-theorizing an antidote for parem was amazing. Also I love that Matthais is the one who kind of guesses that Jesper’s restlessness is the effect from him not using his power regularly. Matthais, you really had a knack for understanding the Grisha.

Ok. Here we go. Jesper’s backstory. When I found out that Jesper was half Kaelish and half Zemeni, I was beyond overjoyed. I am half Black half Irish, with the same parentage as Jesper, so that representation made me happy. I didn’t expect to shed tears though when we finally got his backstory and to get to know his parents a little. The love that his mom and dad had for each other was absolutely beautiful. The fact that Aditi died while trying to save a little girl hurt me so much. Jesper wondered if he had been older and more trained would he have saved her, but honestly, he probably would have just put the poison in himself and died instead. Colm saying “She was a queen, Jes. She was our queen” tore out my heart. The way that Jesper and Colm had to look after each other after that. Jesper trying to cook and burning the food but Colm still eating every bit. Them just having to try to be ok after losing her, and Jesper knowing he wasn’t meant for this life on the farm. All of it continued to tear my heart straight out of my chest and stomp on it.

Guys I’m legitimately tearing up all over again. I had to fight to not be a mess reading it the first time and I still shed some tears over it. This is why I can’t even type Colm’s name without letting out a sob. He loves his son and his wife so much. He always wanted what was best and was constantly worried for them because they’re Grisha. They’re Zowa. I couldn’t handle Jesper’s backstory. And every single interaction Colm and Jesper had after I read what they went through, I’d let out a sob or even shed a tear. I loved their relationship and the love they have for each other so much.

Everything going wrong in a billion different ways at once honestly made me go “Come on not AGAIN.” Dunyasha coming out of nowhere, Pekka Rollins sabotaging Kaz, the other Lions ambushing the Black Veil. It was honestly a miracle that they all got out of it. I was especially, ESPECIALLY, proud of Matthais coaching Kuwei and Jesper on how to use their powers to get them out of the situation. This boy went from killing Grisha, to helping lead them. This character development is amazing. And he’s still internally fighting the part of him that says “Unnatural” and is making the choice to ignore the hate that was trained into him. I love him.

Nina’s zombies though. At first I was like “Oh haha she can control bones, that’s fun” when she blew up the tavern windows, but that turned morbid, literally morbid, very quickly. Animating corpses. I mean. It’s a great power to have honestly. Disgusting and horrifying, but very useful. 

“What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?” “Who the hell is Jordie?” When I say I gasped and my jaw dropped at that part... Literally, I couldn’t move past that line for at least 30 seconds. I just stared at the page and reread those two lines over and over again because I could not believe Kaz really slipped up like that. But also, oh my god, the implications of how much Kaz cares about Jesper if he’s mixing him up subconsciously with his brother, the brother who literally is the reason he has fought to become the feared gang leader he is and to bring down Rollins. He called Jesper Jordie. I still cannot believe it. And the way Kaz’s face looked frightened... I’m so excited to see this scene in the TV show.

Ok, home stretch.

Jesper and Colm finally clearing the air was yet another scene that made me shed tears over these two. The way that we found out that Colm didn’t want Jesper to go to be trained but gave him the choice anyway, and that Jesper didn’t go because he didn’t want to leave his father behind. God, my heart would have just broken if he’d left Colm behind. Oh no I’m going to start crying again. “His heart hurt. His head hurt. Guilt and love and resentment were all tangled up inside him, and every time he tried to unravel the knot in his gut, it got worse.” I felt that. I hate that after all of that, the conversation didn’t even get to get to end on good terms. Colm still doesn’t want him to use his power because of what happened to his mother, and Jasper says “I’m dying anyway, Da. I’m just doing it slow.” and it absolutely destroyed me. It’s like they put my heart back in my chest, only to rip it out again and shred it this time.

And then of course that led to Jesper kissing Kuwei instead of Wylan, which brings up some messy dubious consent stuff. I thought it was a little out of nowhere, but then I remembered the Kuwei did complain earlier “Why do you keep looking at him? I look just like him. You can look at me.” At that time, that complaint seemed strange, but it made sense when this kiss happened that Kuwei liked Jesper too.

But who even cares about Jesper and Wylan and Kuwei having some sort of love triangle, when the bathroom scene is coming up for Inej and Kaz. I don’t mean to push Jesper and Wylan’s relationship woes to the side, but oh my god. I swear, I was holding my breath while reading this bathroom scene. I felt like I was personally interrupting their moment every second that I was reading it, but also I needed to keep reading to see what would happen. Every touch was as nerve-wracking for me as it was for Kaz (ok maybe not, but still). And after all of that, after Kaz tells her the horrible things he did to the people who were in on Rollins’ plot that killed Jordie, she still sees the good in him. I cannot handle these two. Oh my god. These two are on a completely different level of pining. “If you ever cared about me at all, don’t follow.” Poor Inej, having to go from that intimate moment to watching Kaz be beaten and somehow win a fight with 20 people.

Sturmhond showing up made my life. The moment I read the words “fox-faced man” my whole body perked up. I was like “Hope. Don’t get too excited. Yes it’s probably him, but don’t get excited.” but when Kaz recognized him I actually squealed at the confirmation. Nikolai owns my heart. And so does Jesper now. So the little bit of dialogue those two shared made me actually kick my feet with joy. “Take me with you.” Honestly, these two together for a period of time longer than 1 minute would probably make the world explode. But oh, what I’d give for a Jesper and Nikolai buddy comedy...

When Leigh let us believe that everything was going wrong in the plan (Wylan telling Van Eck everything, the fake Council of Tides crashing the auction, Inez saying Kuwei has to die) only for us to find out that it was all really a part of the plan was just plain cruel. I was so upset. I guess it’s fitting, after all the things that really went wrong for them, they had to take a little bit more. But this is one of the few times that we the reader are completely left out of the plan, and it’s not just because we’re following the POV of someone who was left out of whatever specific part of the plan didn’t involve them. This time all the characters knew, but Leigh didn’t tell the reader. 

The way that Van Eck’s story and lies all just fell apart bit by bit was beautiful, though. Masterful. Kaz pretending to take Rollins’ son was almost cruel, but he was lying, so it’s ok. I was going to be horrified if he really did it though, but I was also thinking “When would he have had time to do all that anyway?”

Chapter 38. I had been spoiled before even starting the books that Matthais would die. And I had seen a YouTube comment that said “I can’t wait to see Nina and Matthais’ actors do Chapter 40.” I assumed his death happens in Chapter 40. So when I started Chapter 38, I assumed this would be the last time I’d read a chapter in Matthais’ POV. I was wrong of course.

But Matthais’ death gave me nearly the same feelings that Owen Harper’s first death in Torchwood did. It came out of nowhere, right when you think everything is solved and all that’s left to do is go home. Our beloved character talks calmly to the person with the gun, relates to them, tells them they’re more reasonable than to shoot, and then gets shot point blank anyway out of nowhere. “You don’t want to hurt me. I know. I was like you once.” is what Matthais said. “We’re both rational men, scientists. I know you don’t want to shoot her.” is what Owen said as he protected Martha. The main difference is that I wasn’t spoiled for Owen’s death, so it really blindsided me, but he also got revived shortly after. I was spoiled for Matthais’ death right down to the chapter it happens in, but his death was finite. 

And then I think we’re about to lose Kuwei, but Zoya’s able to save him. Matthais shows up, gives us a little hope that he might be ok (but I knew he wouldn’t), and dies in Nina’s arms. Nina attempting to resurrect him ALSO gave me Owen vibes, right down to the black eyes, but that resurrection didn’t stick. God. If I had known Matthais’ death would be so similar to Owen’s... no, I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t tell if I’d have been better off knowing how much it would remind me of Owen ahead of time. Maybe it’s better I didn’t know of the similarities since that made the death worse, despite me knowing it was coming.

Chapter 40 still being in Matthais’ POV, right when I had come to terms ahead of time that Chapter 38 would be the last time I read his narration, came as a real shock. He’s with the wolves in heaven. Ahhhhh. Help. The friends not even knowing how he died makes it even worse.

“We were all supposed to make it.” That’s when I started to let tears fall. I’d really been fighting it. I was like “Hope. You knew this was coming when you started this series. You are fine. You’re fine.” and then Wylan says that and I’m like “I’m not remotely fine.” And Colm telling them to say their goodbyes, and Colm being himself and making me cry with every other line he said anyway, just made more tears fall as they walked up and said goodbye.

I’m glad Nina got Matthais’ share of the money. It breaks my heart that she now has to go and bury him. I’m excited to see what she does in King of Scars or Rule of Wolves (or both, I know she’s in at least one of them) since she’ll hopefully keep up Matthais’ dream of helping the Fjerdans accept Grisha. I was beyond proud of Jesper to be like “I shouldn’t hold that much money right now” and Kaz saying “That’s the right move, Jes” in approval. And of course, Colm and Jesper saying goodbye did nothing but make me cry MORE.

And here we go. The chapter that made me actually cry. Before this, it was just shedding tears and choking a sob or two. Inej’s final chapter made me actually sob and cry so hard that I could barely read the pages through the tears. Kaz really bought her a boat and named it after her. “I don’t know what to say.” “Say you’ll return.” just tear my heart out please.

But what really got the waterworks going was Kaz having Nikolai find Inej’s parents for her. God. The last time a book made me happy cry was The Color Purple, and it was a similar situation. Celie’s sister Nettie returns to her, and I had to fight not to cry when I finished that book while on the train. When I saw the musical version on broadway a few months later, I sobbed so hard with happiness that I cried through the finale, through the curtain call, and kept crying as I walked up the aisle and out the theater. I couldn’t handle how happy I was.

Inej being reuinited with her parents was Celie and Nettie all over again. Now that is some HIGH praise. The Color Purple is one of my favorite books. I cannot give any higher praise to Crooked Kingdom than to compare Inej’s reunion to Celie’s. 

And Kaz being a little concerned that he’d overstepped by doing it, then Inej insisting he come to meet them too was adorable. “Is my tie straight?” And her mom’s shock at finally seeing her daughter again, oh my god. I read this in bed last night at 3am. When that chapter finished, I put the book on my chest and just lied there and sobbed for a full minute. I couldn’t stop right away like I managed to do for the other cries. This cry had to come out and it had to take at least a little bit of time to run its course.

Of course, I’m glad that Inej got to ensure that Rollins never returns to Ketterdam, and I get that having Pekka have the last chapter is a parallel to Six of Crows, but I almost wish the book had just ended when Inej found her family.

I am at 4600 words and still not done, but it’s 2am so I’ll add more thoughts tomorrow evening.

...

That was all from late June. Fast forward almost a month, I’m finally adding to this post.

Something I was worried about when I first started reading Six of Crows was that there was colorism when casting Jesper. Reading that he was described as dark skinned and then looking at Kit Young, I felt a little bit... iffy about it. Because I know, as a mixed person, we get a lot of privilege in Hollywood and are often the only Black people in tv-shows and movies. We benefit from colorism, especially when it comes to mixed women, since light to medium skinned Black actors are often cast instead of dark skinned actors. I spent most of Six of Crows worried that they’d taken the Zemeni character of Jesper, who also happens to be the only Black character, and casted him with a mixed actor. I could tell while reading the book that Kit had played Jesper perfectly, which made me feel a little better, but I still had a bit of discomfort. I was worried it was Rue in the Hunger Games all over again.

However, once it’s hinted that Jesper’s father has some Kaelish heritage, and then we later meet Colm and he’s fully Kaelish with light skin and red hair, I felt much better. I actually felt overjoyed because Jesper was mixed exactly like me. I was relieved that casting Jesper with a mixed actor was not colorism, but a requirement for his character in order to be accurate. I was so relieved and also now I fiercely clung to Jesper as another example of representation for me. On that note, maybe they could have casted him with a darker skinned mixed actor, someone like Alfred Enoch for example, just to give dark skinned mixed people some more representation since Jesper is described as dark and Kit’s skintone is medium. But then again, Kit was definitely the perfect choice since he completely captured Jesper’s character and he said he really identified with Jesper’s mixed heritage being like his own. Basically, I’m very happy that Jesper is a mixed character played by a mixed race actor, and not another example of pure colorism in Hollywood (though that’s still a major issue). I really can’t even complain. I love Jesper and I love Kit’s portrayal.

Honestly, the casting in general for the show was really perfect. I might be biased since I saw the show first, but reading the book I was shocked at how perfectly cast they all were.

I am concerned though about Wylan. He is going to be very hard to cast. Or more accurately, Kuwei’s actor will be tough to cast and will have a very difficult job portraying 2 characters at once. And then I guess whoever gets cast as normal Wylan will have to just deal with barely appearing in Crooked Kingdom. Also, as for Wylan changing race to be disguised as Kuwei... I had some mixed feelings about it at first. I really was like “Leigh... what are you doing with this... be careful...” But then Wylan’s narrative showed him being unsure how to navigate the world looking like he’s Shu, having people come up to him speaking a language he doesn’t speak, and being treated differently because he looks foreign to them, especially since the Shu who were in Ketterdam didn’t have the best intentions. I appreciated that. I like that it opened Wylan’s eyes a bit more because he’d been so sheltered his whole life. Even after living in the Barrel and joining the Crows, there were still things he needed to be exposed to, like racism. So I’m glad the story went in that direction with his tailored face. I’m honestly more excited to see who is cast as Kuwei than who is cast as Wylan because Kuwei’s actor is going to have the more interesting performance. 

I REALLY enjoyed the Six of Crows duology. I sped through the two books in about 3 weeks (I think I read Crooked Kingdom in probably only a week). Honestly, I’m not speeding through King of Scars that same way. It’s a combination of my work life being very chaotic for the last few weeks, and me being so devastated that Nikolai’s back to having the shadow monster that I almost don’t want to read on. I was beyond devastated when that happened in Ruin and Rising, I thought he’d never be ok again, then I was relieved when it went away. Now that it’s back... I’m just incredibly sad every second that I read this book. I’m nearly halfway through the book though, after the same amount of time it took me to read both Crows books, so we’ll see where it goes.

But I could not put the Crows books down while I read them if you paid me. Literally. I read during every single lunch break at work and was probably a few minutes late coming back because I’d want to finish the page. I stayed up late reading and reading and reading the books. I read on the ferry, I read in the car, I read during times that I’d usually spend watching TV shows or movies. These books were amazing. They destroyed me emotionally, in both happy and sad ways. I can’t get over them. I can’t wait to see them brought to life in the show.

[serene-victory-77]

My Shadow and Bone Show Thoughts Cuz I’m Impressed

So I just finished watching it a few hours ago, and I think since everyone is throwing their thoughts out into the void that is tumblr, I will too! Warning, this is gonna be a long one Things That I Liked!

- Mal and Malina is incredibly redeemed! I know a lot of people, myself included, didn’t like Book Mal, but Show Mal is completely different and anything I could have ever wanted from his character. 

- Alina going “I made mistakes at the Little Palace” about the Darkling and Mal basically going “I don’t care/I’m not mad” and not holding it against her, and being so mature about it/really sweet to Alina was. Amazing.

- Malina doesn’t kiss and this is a plus for me because they’re still actually developing them!

- Baghra was amazing, and I especially loved her interactions with the Darkling. It was always one of the better parts of the triology, how complicated/nuance Baghra and the Darkling are, and I think the show did it justice!

- David and Genya. David and Genya at Alina’s presentation with Geyna looking at him, David looking away, and then when Genya looks away he looks at her? Precious. And Genya complimenting him.

- The Darkling is not nearly as much of a creep, but he’s still a villain. He has more depth, but I’m glad they’re not trying to “redeem” him.

- Side Note, favorite Darkling scene is when David lifts a finger to be called on, and the Darkling goes “You don’t have to- *sigh* Yes, David?” I don’t know why he seems to like David, but I’m here for it

- Show Zoya is still a bit of a bitch, like Book Zoya, but so much more interesting, and actually fun. She’s not “nicer” exactly, but I just liked her more.

- Idk why but I’m obsessed with the First Army scenes and the skiff scenes, they’re wonderful. 

Getting into more Crow territory here,

- Milo the Goat and everything he stands for. Milo saving Mal. Milo the emotional support goat. Who came up with that idea? I’d like to thank them.

- Jesper was incredible and absolutely stole any and all scenes he was in. The show never flunches away from it, and I loved every single moment. Any “Jesper Shooting His Guns” scene was absolutely amazing. 

- Inej’s outfits, Jesper’s red waistcoat/vest, Kaz’s black on black on black apparel, all good. 

- The Crows blended really well into the Grisha story and I’m officially impressed. I did have a hard time wrapping my head around Kaz and the Darkling being in the same frame, but still, I’m overall very happy with it

- Inej throwing a knife and stabbing the Darkling. Amazing. Also Inej lowkey fangirling over Alina, super cute!!

- Whatever communication Inej and Zoya were having on that skiff, I’m here for it. 

- Nina! I was nervous because Danielle Galligan wasn’t what I imagined for Nina, but she really got her spunk and attitude! She’s a bit more mature in how she reads...uh watches...? But still amazing, and I think she might have the most direct book quotes? 

- Matthias being a blushing maiden here and there :)

Things I Didn’t Like/Was Confused By!

- I still don’t get why Jesper has such little issue going to Ravka/the literal Little Palace

- Kaz has his moments but seems really far out of his depth. I mean he kinda is, it makes sense, but I love in-control, always-a-step-ahead Kaz, and I missed that. But we’ll probably get it in the next seasons

- Kaz isn’t nearly as good a brawler as in the books, I’m hoping there’s more of that later

- Why did the Darkling reveal his name so Alina so quickly? It was a bit boring and lackluster while in the books it’s a bigger deal, and I kinda missed that. It’s not really a problem, but just a bit of an odd choice

- I would still have infinitely preferred a super-true-to-the-books-Six-of-Crows-adaption over the mashup, but this is still good

- I’m genuinely not sure if non-book-readers can tell Kanej is even a thing? I’ve heard people say Kaz is too open in the show (Where?? Tell me, I don’t see it. You mean how in the last episode he kinda maybe sorta admits Inej had a point? 8 hours in? Is that it? That’s not being open or soft, he’s a prick the entire time, Freddy Carter just has an oddly soft/kind face even as Kaz), but I think they might’ve gone, oddly enough, a bit too light. Why are they close? If you don’t know the books, you don’t know what Kaz means about Inej watching over him, past killing the Inferni in the church. 

- Overall though, that’s mostly it! I don’t actively dislike many things, which is very, very impressive Favorite Scenes!

- Jesper shooting the Volcra while holding Milo the Goat

- Kaz stabbing the Volcra with the crow head trying to protect Inej

- Jesper watching Alina climb into a carriage trunk and just going “???” “Okay then!”

- Genya complimenting David

- Mal and Alina holding hands at any point  Concerns?

- I have no idea who they’re gonna cast as Wylan. I know people are a bit worked up about Nikolai, but finding a charming blond guy isn’t hard. How are they going to find a sweet/fluffy looking curly headed boy that doesn’t look creepily young in comparison to the others? I want him to fit in visually while still being the Wylan we know and love, and I’m a bit worried

- I have no idea what the Crows are gonna do once they’re back in Ketterdam

Other Thoughts: I think my favorite thing was that readers really had an edge. The adaptation jumps right into the world with very little exposition, and things are explained in the moment. I know adaptations should stand alone from the books, and it kinda does, but the fact that the readers don’t feel forgotten and that we do know what the Grisha are and their colors, the countries from the get go, we know why Kaz has gloves and a cane even if it isn’t explained in the show, we know what the Menagerie is and Inej’s situation, we know why Jesper is such an amazing shot, we get insight and I like that. 

I think people who haven’t read the books might need to look stuff up or ask a friend who does know what’s going on, and they can catch on after that easily enough, but the fact that it feels as if the readers are in on a joke/secret, especially catching book lines and stuff like that, was really neat. Not in a gatekeeping way (I kinda look forward to having my friends go ??? over some parts tbh), but just kinda knowing we’re enjoying an extra level to the entire story, and it’s still a really good show even if you haven’t read the books.

So yeah, go and watch it!! Idk if anyone will, but send an ask if you have any thoughts you’d like to share too!

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

Ace of Spades

This gorgeous cover art was drawn by @corpsecro​ !

AN: I literally have no self-control so here’s another Kanej fluff chapter. I promise we’ll get to the real stuff soon. My bbs just needed/deserved some love (and tbh, so did we). 🖤💫

Chapter 3- The Iron Debt

Inej blinked. 

“Erm— Yes,” she said, clearing her throat. Right. Business. 

She’d thought a lot about what she was going to say. She’d even gone so far as to prepare a speech for this moment. But she now fumbled for its beginning like a tangle of yarn buried deep in a drawer. 

She squared her shoulders and took a long breath. Focus. It’s just Kaz. This is just business.

“There are a great many things to learn from the sea, Kaz,” she began. “One of the things I’ve learned is that it does not cost nothing to simply exist--and it costs a monstrous deal more to live and live fully.”

There was that face again. The opposite of scheming. 

Kaz’s eyes glinted over the tops of his steepled fingers as he waited. Inej found she was rather enjoying this.

“I have lived fully for the past seventeen months,” she continued. “And though it’s been a worthwhile existence, it has cost me greatly. The Wraith has blessed my crew with many months of home on the waves. But she has suffered countless blows and battles on our hunt for slavers. Try as my crew might to fix her up, I believe she is beyond our unprofessional care. She needs proper refurbishment—new sails, new tackle, new masts.”

Kaz furrowed his brows. “You need a new ship.” It wasn’t exactly a question, but it asked enough.

Inej shook her head. “I like The Wraith. She’s sturdy and reliable and damned near the fastest thing on the True Sea. If possible, I’d like to keep her.”

It was Kaz’s turn to blink, but his look of shock was shortly replaced by a smirk of approval. 

“A year and a bit on the ocean and you’re already cursing like a sailor,” he said.

Inej sighed and bit back a smile of her own. She forgot how unused to hearing her swear he must be. “Focus, Kaz.”

“When am I not focused?” His eyes bore into hers, and Inej found herself holding her breath. 

Fair point.

Kaz leaned back in his chair, eyes still fixed on her. “Well, if it’s just a bit of work you need done on the ship,” he said, “I know a guy. But if it were just a bit of refurbishing you needed, I don’t think you would have bothered coming all the way here.”

The ache tugged in her chest, a desolate siren call. 

“It’s not just refurbishing,” Inej said with a small, sad smile. “I want—I need to refurbish The Wraith. But I’d also like to pay my crew a livable wage for the services they provide. To feed them something other than beans for a change.”

“Anything else?”

“Some new boots would be nice.”

“Well, now you’re asking too much.”

She gave Kaz a long look, even as the corners of her mouth tugged up. He returned the grin in kind.

“But I can’t do all that,” Inej pressed on. “Not all at once. Not with the money that’s left.”

It was strange. She’d always thought she’d be able to live forever off her share of the money they’d glommed from the Merchant Council. At the time, it had seemed like so much. 

Especially after everything Kaz had done, everything he’d taken care of. For her.

He’d paid off her indenture, reunited her with her family, and bought her a boat so she could chase her dreams to the most distant shores. Her heart still gave a smarting twist sometimes, thinking of everything he’d given. 

The gift she was sure he didn’t realise he was to her. 

For the first time in her life, she had been truly free—limitless. So of course, she’d set up a bank account in her parents’ names and deposited a large sum of her share so they would never need worry. 

The rest went toward maintaining her ship and paying her crew. She’d tried to make the money last as long as possible. They’d eaten nothing but potatoes in every conceivable form for months. And when the fresh supplies had run out, they’d started on the dried beans and fermented cabbage.

As it turned out, hunting slavers did not pay well. It didn’t pay at all, actually. 

Inej had quickly learned that the money slavers did make was either too quickly spent to be looted by her crew after they’d ambushed a ship of them on the open waters, or was dealt with and kept securely on land.

And now, Inej was left with a much thinner cushion of kruge than she cared to think on for too long.

“If it’s money you need, Inej,” Kaz said. “You need only ask.”

“It’s not money I need,” she said, then gave him an apologetic look. “Not your money, at least.”

He cocked his head to the side. “What’s wrong with my money?”

“You’ve given me more than enough already, Kaz,” she said quietly, eyes lowering to her calloused hands. “I already owe you a great deal as is.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Inej.” His tone was sharp as a honed blade and so wholly sober that it made her peer up at his face again. He watched her with cold determination and eyes of glittering obsidian. 

Her smile was rueful and small as she said, “My gratitude, then. By way of friendship.”

At this, Kaz’s eyes softened. 

Kaz had never been good at friends. Inej was fairly sure their heisting days with the Crows a lifetime ago was the first time Kaz had allowed himself to think of anyone as his friend in earnest. 

“I’d like that,” he said. There was a soft vulnerability in his voice that took her by surprise. 

Kaz Brekker never did anything softly. 

She didn’t let that thought show on her face, however. “Me too,” she told him. Then, she huffed a sigh. “Even so, I can’t take your money.”

Kaz frowned. “Why not?”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” she said, lips quirking up. “I’ve made a name for myself.”

“So I’ve heard,” he mused. “Inej Ghafa, Slaughterer of Slavers.” 

There was a hint of pride in his voice as her newly minted title rolled off his tongue.

“Then you’ll understand that as generous as your offer is, I can’t rely on anyone financially. I cannot be beholden to anyone but myself. Ever again.”

Kaz nodded once in understanding. “Of course,” he said. “You have a reputation to uphold, it seems.”

“Exactly.”

“So if it’s not money you need,” he mused. “What is it you want, Inej?”

“I want you,” she said, and her heart stumbled, her head spinning and scrambling with the weight of her slipped words. “Your help, that is.” 

She very nearly cringed. If she was not a tomato before, she was surely one now.

Grinning, Kaz leaned back in his chair and waved a hand through the air with a dramatic flourish. “I’m at your service.”

This made Inej pause. She lifted her brows pointedly at him. “You don’t even know what it is I need your help for.”

“Yes,” he said simply, holding her gaze. Then, after a beat, “I thought we were friends. Is this not what friends do?”

“We are. It is,” she blurted. Too hurriedly. 

“So, I’ll help.”

“What— no careful consideration of every possible outcome? No overbearing Kaz Brekker scheming?”

He gasped in a dramatic fashion worthy of the stage. “I am not overbearing!”

Inej just fixed him with a long look. He was either taking lessons from Jesper or he was indeed still half-seas over.

“Inej, darling,” Kaz drawled. “I don’t spend most of my nights getting drunk in the bath because it is fun or particularly important. Helping you would be by far the most diverting thing to happen in weeks.”

Now, she eyed him incredulously. “So you’re helping me for your own amusement.” 

“Mostly. Besides,” he said, looking at her from under hooded lids, “This is your scheme. Far be it from me to interfere with whatever it is you have planned. I trust you.”

“Because we’re friends.”

“The best,” he said, and gave her a winning smile.

It was so unlike Kaz to relinquish control like this. Even if they were friends, even if he did want to help her, even if he was bored out of his mind--she would have at least expected Kaz to relish in the opportunity of helping her puzzle together a plan.

Instead, he was letting her take the reins. 

Unconvinced, Inej narrowed her eyes at him. “What if I said I needed your help fishing my hat out of the Kraken's stomach?” she asked, leaning forward on the dresser. 

A challenge.

“Then I’d say,” Kaz said, mimicking her movement, his elbows coming to rest on his knees, “Tie a rope to my belt and I’ll see what I can dig up.”

Inej considered him for a moment, appraising the man before her. His eyes, all fixed on her and black as the night between stars, swam with something like death or hope. 

It made her heart flutter. 

But she merely leaned back, placated for now at least, and said, “My, my, Kaz. You must be very bored to be so desperate for something to do.”

“Are you saying I can’t help a friend in her time of need? Out of the goodness of my own heart?” Kaz asked in feigned offence.

“Are you saying you have goodness in your heart?”

His lips twisted into a wry smile. “Let’s not be hasty now, Inej.”

She let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head. “So you’ll help?”

“Of course.” Kaz shrugged. “Though, knowing a bit about what I’m helping with might ease my mind. And my back.”

Inej frowned. “What happened to your back?”

“It gets tense when people scheme without me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Poor King of the Barrel.”

He barked a laugh. “I may be King of the Barrel, but I can assure you I am not poor.”

“Alright, smart ass,” Inej grumbled. “No need to boast. There are those of us who are presently in times of great need.”

For a moment Kaz’s face beheld genuine bewilderment. Then, he looked ready to burst into fits of laughter. But he staved it down for a smug mask instead. 

“Why, Inej, my darling treasure,” he hummed, “I do believe that was a joke, an insult, and a curse in one fell swoop.”

Inej, having let her well-practised tactics slip away from her with every passing minute in Kaz’s bedroom, blushed. Profusely. 

She hated him for it.

“I won’t tell the saints,” he whispered conspiratorially with a wink. “Promise.” 

She was sure her cheeks had been set ablaze. 

Stupid. How very stupid it was for her to be the one embarrassed when it was he who was drunk and flirtatious and talking business in silk pyjamas.

“Alright,” Inej griped, scowling at the self-satisfied grin on his face. “Enough of your brazen raillery.” Then, leaning forward again to fix Kaz with a glare, she said, “Do you want me to tell you the plan or do you intend on flirting yourself into oblivion instead?”

Kaz wisely covered his ensuing laugh with a cough and made a half-hearted attempt at arranging his face into seriousness. He crossed one leg over the other. “I’m listening.”

“Good,” she said, steeling her spine. “Now, lucky for you I have a solution to both of our predicaments. My lack of funds and your lack of… stimulation.” She gave him a smile that suggested she knew exactly what she was saying. Kaz’s mouth popped open, but before he could say anything in his own defence, she barreled on, “Have you heard of something called the Iron Debt?”

He frowned. “The name rings a bell, but I can’t say I recall—”

“It’s a lost treasure,” Inej cut in. “Long ago, in a time out of mind, the founding fathers of a secret organisation buried a treasure deep within the world. This organisation was a guild of merchants who made and sold impossible artefacts of great power and fortune. They called themselves The Founders.”

Kaz nodded. “Them, I’ve heard of.”

“Then you’ll know they still exist today,” Inej said. “Hidden in the unsearched cracks of society—unknown to those who haven’t a care to look, and lost to those who don’t look hard enough. Rumour has it, their treasure, the treasure left behind by the founding fathers, remains lost as well.”

Another frown puckered his face. “So you want to... put yourself up for the job? Find it for them?”

“Come now, Kaz,” Inej said, levelling him a look. “What happened to that genius criminal mind of yours?”

“It’s currently intoxicated,” he deadpanned. “Give me a minute.”

“No, Kaz,” she said with a sigh. “We’re not going to find it for them. We’re going to find it first.”

A slow smile slipped across his face. “I like the way you think.”

“Oh? And what way is that?”

“Like a pirate.”

When Inej beamed at him then, Kaz looked for all the world like he’d been blinded by the sun. 

“Well, then,” she said, smoothing her hands down her leggings, “A pirate and a veritable King of the Barrel. Undoubtedly the most ferocious team the world has ever seen.”

“Indeed,” he said, and rising from the desk chair, he wended his way back into the bathroom. 

Inej’s face wrinkled in confusion as she peered after him—a hard thing to accomplish from atop a dresser. A fact she found truth in when she nearly toppled to the floor. 

There was shuffling and clinking behind the bathroom door. 

Just when Inej thought she might need to check on him, Kaz emerged again with two teacups and the bottle of very old whiskey he’d been busy making a sizable dent in when she’d arrived. The price of said whiskey, she was sure, could ostensibly pay her way for a good week or two.

“So how exactly do you plan on finding this long lost treasure first?” Kaz asked, setting the teacups down on the desk. 

Only then did she notice the cups were lime green and pink and dotted with teddy bears. Inej wondered how in the Saint’s holy realm these teacups had ended up in the filthy hands of Kaz Brekker, self-proclaimed Bastard of the Barrel.

“Haven’t the foggiest,” Inej said flatly. 

In truth, she did have a vague idea. She was just too much of a coward to admit what exactly that idea was until she was sure she had the facts right. If this was her job, she was going to execute it professionally.

Kaz seemed to read her thoughts because he gave her a knowing look as he poured a finger of amber liquid into each cup. A look which suggested he was waiting for her real answer.

“Fine,” she breathed, “I do have some leads. Leads which I’ll tell you about as soon as we’ve assembled a team.”

“Ah,” he said, extending a cup towards her. “There will be others.”

Inej took the cup from his hand and tried not to leap from her own skin when his fingers grazed her wrist. Gooseflesh rose in his wake. Then, Inej smiled. 

“As formidable a team as we two doubtless make,” she said, “I’m thinking we might need more help on our side.”

“I think,” he said, taking up a place leaning casually against the desk, “That would be very wise. What about your crew?”

“Oh they’ll be keen, I’m sure,” she said. “But I was thinking more specifically. We’ll need people with certain talents. People we can trust.”

Kaz caught on quickly. “You want to get the Crows back together.”

“Do you think it wise?” she asked, attempting to hide her hopefulness by looking down at the whiskey she now swirled in the bottom of her cup. 

She wanted this. Badly. 

Of course, she hadn’t fooled herself into believing it would be just like old times. Inej knew everything was different now. So much had changed. But the fact of the matter was, Inej didn’t miss this place so much as she missed the people she’d come to care for here. And she wanted to think they missed her, too. 

So she waited with bated breath for Kaz’s response.

“I think you are very wise, Inej,” was all he said.

Her eyes snapped up. “Don’t butter me up, Kaz,” she said, setting her teacup down on the dresser. “And don’t sugar coat it, either.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “I think it might prove… difficult, roping them into a grand scheme like this.”

“How come?”

“Well, for starters,” Kaz said, placing his cup on the desk and folding his arms across his chest, “Matthias is dead.”

Inej’s jaw dropped. 

He’d said it as if it were an innocuous comment. As inconsequential as mentioning the weather outside. If she was honest with herself, she almost laughed from the sheer shock of it. 

“I thought you said not to sugar coat it,” Kaz said when Inej, still staring at him dumbfounded, floundered hopelessly for words. 

“I meant in terms of straight answers, you incredible arse.” Inej glared, ignoring the way his lips quirked up at the corners when she cursed. She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m well aware of Matthias’s whereabouts, Saints rest his soul.”

There was a pause in which Inej refused to look at him. 

She stared at the soot stain in the carpet again and thought she might be better friends with it at that moment than she was with the man who thought making quips at their deceased friend’s expense was a smart thing to do.

“I’m sorry,” Kaz said, and when she looked at him she thought he looked genuine. Though it could have been a trick of the light. “Look, Matthias is gone, Nina left, Kuweii is… gods only know where. Which leaves Jesper and Wylan, and they’re… well, they’re—”

Her heart sank to her stomach. “Saints, Kaz,” Inej breathed, trying not to panic. “What happened to Jesper and Wylan?”

Kaz gave her a bemused look. “They’re happy, Inej,” he said quietly.

Silence settled, heavy in the air between them. 

Inej didn’t know why. Part of her was awash with relief that nothing truly devastating had happened to her two dear friends. The exact opposite, in fact. And she should be happy for them. She was happy for them. They deserved the love they’d found in each other.

But there was a second part to Kaz’s statement, an unspoken part, that tinged the silence with something like sadness. 

They don’t need us anymore, the silence said.

And a thought occurred to her—that Kaz had been living with this fact for much longer than he would probably ever admit. 

That thought alone broke Inej’s heart a little.

“Oh,” was all she could muster. “Thank the Saints for that.”

“We can ask,” Kaz murmured. “But I doubt they’ll agree to join us. Wylan has the business and Jesper won’t want to leave Wylan alone for so long.”

Inej nodded. “I understand,” she said. “We’ll ask. And if they say no, we’ll assemble a new team.” 

“I have a few people in mind,” he offered.

“Yeah?” She inclined her head. “Like who?”

“Jensen.”

“Jensen?”

“Mhmm.”

Inej narrowed her eyes, going to no great lengths to hide her suspicion. “I’ve never heard you mention a Jensen before.”

“Really? Must’ve met him while you were off being noble.”

“Huh,” she said, ignoring his jab. “And who is this Jensen, pray tell?”

“Ferocious thief,” he said. “Quick with his hands. Not bad with a knife, either. Might even give you a run for your money.”

“Doubtful.” Inej smirked. 

Kaz’s eyes glinted in the low light of the room. He was baiting her. She knew it. She supposed that made her a willing fish.

“Why would I hire him when I have you?” she asked. “You’re a ferocious thief. You’re quick with your hands. And I’m devastating with a knife.” Kaz hummed at that, his face full of amusement, which only fed her suspicions. “To be honest, Kaz, this Jensen seems like a redundancy I can’t afford.”

“Oh, you can afford him. He’ll do it for free.”

“No one works for free, Kaz,” she reminded him. “You know that. Not in our line of work. And especially not when the job involves life-threatening situations.”

“Jensen will.”

“How do you know?”

“Because,” Kaz said, face splitting into—dare she even think it—a shit-eating grin, “Jensen is a monkey.”

“A monkey?” Inej scoffed. “I thought you said he was a person.”

Kaz shrugged. “Semantics.”

“So you’re telling me a monkey is our best candidate for a new crew?”

Kaz nodded. “He’ll work for butter biscuits.”

Inej groaned and slid a hand down her face as Kaz’s terrible laughter rumbled through the room. 

“You’re incorrigible,” she said, trying to tamper down her own chuckles. A few escaped her lips despite herself. 

She knew it was a distraction. By some miracle, Kaz must’ve been able to read the tension in her shoulders like lines from a book. And for a moment, as Inej laughed at the absurdity of Jensen the pirating monkey, she’d felt that tension ease. 

It was probably the best kind of disappointment she could ask for at this point. 

“We’ll find a team, Inej,” Kaz assured her, more serious now that he’d collected his dignity off the floor where he’d dropped it. “It might not be with Jesper or Wylan. And it might not be with Jensen.”

“I think that would be wise,” she interceded, a smile ghosting at her lips. 

“We’ll find people.”

“People,” Inej clarified. “Not monkeys.”

“Fine,” Kaz sighed in mock regret. “I know of a parrot—”

She gave an incredulous laugh. “No animals, Kaz!”

“Right,” he said, drumming his fingers against the side of the desk. “Can we at least pay Jes and Wylan a visit, and kick their sorry butts at cards before we leave them to their domesticities?”

“That, I might agree to,” she said. 

And suddenly, she was remembering vividly all those nights between shoot-outs and scheming and heisting, when the Crows had gathered around a rickety old table to play cards. 

They’d bet on ridiculous things - like dares or a feathery hat the loser had to wear for a day - because all of them were skint and those things were better than money anyway. 

Usually, it was Poker or Bullshit, but many-a-game of Slap Jack had nearly snapped the table’s legs. There had even been a game of surprisingly competitive Go Fish or two when they’d exhausted all other options. 

Inej delighted at the echo of unmitigated ruthlessness of those games that danced across her mind.

The mischievous gleam in Kaz’s eyes told her he remembered, too. 

And as that gilded memory shimmered in the air between them, Inej felt warmer than she had in months. 

For all of his insufferable jokes and needling sarcasm, she found herself incredibly grateful for her friend, who had subtly reminded her that just because things had changed, it didn’t mean there were not still good times to be had.

“Then it’s agreed,” he said. “We’ll assemble a crew, get some leads, then take Jesper and Wylan for all they’re worth at the tables.”

Inej laughed and lifted her makeshift glass in a toast.

“What shall we toast to, pirate?” he said, lifting his teacup to match her own.

She thought for a moment. There were so many things to be grateful for.

“To very lost treasure,” she decided in the end. “And swindling the swindlers.”

“Pirate, indeed,” Kaz replied. 

Their glasses clinked, and Inej slid slowly into the warm refuge of her glass and the revelry of being home at last.

♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎♠︎

AN: Hope you enjoyed this fluff chapter because I am Kanej trash and I enjoyed writing it very much. Thank you so much for reading! More (serious) chapters to come soon- if you’d like to be tagged in future updates, just shoot me a message/ask 🖤💫

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