#well blimey you're right

[canisalbus]

Actually (🤓) raccoons don't wash their food, they do that for the taste and also they have very sensitive paws ( i'm autistic )

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[niya-writesshit]

nsfw hcs i enjoy!!!!!!

ron weasley

TW: nsfw, j mentions of sex throughout, pretty much smut ngl

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- he's always saying shit like "bloody hell love that feels so good," "fuck love right there," "making m' feel so good (name), blimey." - lowk this man probably jerks off to you 😭. not in a creepy way, but he's just so sexually attracted to you. there's all these little things that turn him on about you: you wearing his quidditch jersey, or you giving him a kiss in front of all your friends. even you simply putting up your hair made him have dirty thoughts, but he just couldn't control it really. - ^^^ the quidditch jersey thing omg... ron goes absolutely feral when he sees you in any sort of clothing of his, but especially his jerseys. if it's the day of a game and you come down to greet him after (or even before) a game wearing his jersey, rest assured you will be pulled over to a private corner of the changeroom and fucked. he's just so in love with you and the sport, and he probably would press you against a locker in that jersey and fuck the shit out of you immediately. "you look so good in that love." he wouldn't even care about the others hearing him, he's just so turned on fr. "bloody hell (name), see what you do to me?" - loves receiving head (who doesn't), but only from you because you know how to do it just right. he's obsessed with the way you look with his dick in your mouth, especially when you've got tears rolling down your face or drool dripping down onto his abdomen. he loves seeing you ruined, and it's almost out of character for him to be so in love with seeing you so degraded. - BUT BRO PRAISE. ron couldn't even verbally degrade you during sex because he's so insanely in love with you. it would probably hurt him to call you anything other than love, and he's constantly checking in on you as he fucks you. "you're doing so good, love." "taking m'so well, (name), fuuuuck. y' sure your alright, love?" as he pumps his massive cock into you. "you feel so good, m'love. yer doing so good for me, aren't ya?" " 'm so close, love, fuck. see how good you make me feel, baby?" - like i said in the head one, he loves seeing you ruined by his dick. it gives him an ego boost when you need to pause to re-adjust or you gag while deep-throating him. he always feels a little bad if he makes you cry while he's fucking you, but he compensates by praise. - he loves how small you are compared to him. when you're finished with sex (or even just when you sit near him), he pulls you close to let you spoon into him. he likes to wrap his large hand around yours, or press his body against yours to feel how tiny it was around him. he def bear hugs you! or he'll tangle his legs in yours and envelope you in his arms, it makes him feel like he's protect you when you're wrapped in his body like that.

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¡! ❞ © niya-writesshit 2023

[mrsmikaelsxn]

Injured On Purpose

masterlist

pairing: harry potter x female reader

warnings: just fluff, possibly obsessed harry, mentions of things like cuts/gashes and bruises, kissing

summary: you are a healer in training, one year older than harry, he keeps getting injured while you keep healing him. you start to wonder if he does it on purpose, to which you find your suspicions to be correct - requested by @ashdreams2023

a/n: i absolutely adore this idea!! thank you for sending it love xx (i also didn't know what age you wanted so i just made her a 7th year and him a 6th, hope that's ok :)

song: love me love me say that you love me - the travelling kisses

Harry knew he was done for when he first laid eyes on you in the infirmary.

He had gotten injured during one of his Quidditch matches. He had taken a nasty hit from a bludger.

When he arrived, he figured Madam Pomfrey would be the one to heal him as usual.

However, it was a pleasant surprise when he heard a soft voice and looked up to see a beautiful girl standing before him.

So beautiful that he had to take of his glasses and wipe them clean to make sure he was seeing correctly.

You were oblivious to his dreamy gaze as you scanned over his papers.

"Hello, Mr. Potter-"

"Harry, call me Harry," he quickly says.

"Okay Harry, I'm y/n," you smile at him.

"Pretty name for a pretty girl," he whispers under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"Oh- um- nothing," Harry blushes.

"Alright, well it seems that your shoulder had been broken. But don't worry, I'll be able to fix it right up in no time," you explain.

You take out your wand and some ointments.

You say some different spells for fixing any broken or cracked bones.

"Do you mind sliding your shirt down just a bit so I can rub this on the bruses?"

"N-no not at all," he stutters and slides it down.

"You are new here? In the hospital wing I mean," he asks as you rub the medicine on him.

"Mhm- well, not that new. I've been here for almost two months. But I want to be a healer when I get out of here, so some of my professors thought it would be helpful if I worked here first," you clarify.

"Oh, well that's brilliant if you ask me!"

"Thank you," you grin.

"What year are you?"

"I'm a seventh year, you're a sixth year right?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"Merlin Ron, you should have seen her," he dramatically sighs.

"Harry, stop being all lovey-dovey," he wacks his best mate in the back of the head.

"But you don't understand. Her hair looks so soft- I think I'm in love," he falls back onto his bed.

"Blimey," Ron shakes his head.

When they went to dinner that night, he let his eyes roam the Great Hall in search for you.

Finally, his eyes landed on your angelic figure as you talked with some of your friends.

He hadn't realized he had been staring until he felt Hermione hit his arm with a book.

"Gosh Harry, I think your drooling," she rolls her eyes and goes back to reading.

He quickly brings his hand up to his mouth to check if Hermione was right. When he realized she was just messing with him he shakes his head and puts it on his hand, resting his elbow on the table.

"Harry, you only talked to her for like ten minutes," Ron glances at you.

"Yeah but it was the best ten minute conversation of my life," he runs a hand through his hair.

Since that day, Harry had purposely gotten injured from things like Quidditch, dueling, and any other things he could think of.

Why he did this, just so he can be sent to the infirmary to see you.

You had thought he showed up often because he was just a clumsy boy.

Over the visits you have grown to know each other well. You had become somewhat close.

Whenever Ron or Hermione told him that he should stop, he brushed it off by saying, "she's a pretty girl and a guy has got to do what hes got to do!"

He loved when you would have to rub any type of liniment on him, just to feel your warm and soft hands on his skin.

While you were busy writing things down, he would stare at your precious, pink, plump lips. He begged Merlin to one day be able to kiss those lips. He often dreamt about what it would be like as your boyfriend.

Today was another day where he had been hit with a spell that caused some gashes on his stomach.

He was laying in bed, waiting for his lovely healer to come in.

Soon enough, he sees you stroll through the doors as you make your way over to his bed.

"Harry Potter! What brings you here today," you greet with a bright smile playing on your lips.

"Hello, love, just some cuts on my stomach," he informs you.

You blush at the name and nod your head.

"Do you mind lifting your shirt for me?"

He happily complies and brings up his shirt, revealing his toned stomach to you. You tried your best not to look like you were checking him out, you were also glad no one else was in the room to notice.

"Oh Harry what happened," you gasp as your eyes land on the bloody wounds.

"Oh- uh- I was hit with a spell," he tells you.

"I'm sorry," you frown.

"No need to apologize"

"This might hurt a bit," you warn him as you get a medicine covered cloth to clean the injury.

You finish wiping his cuts and put a bandage over them. You sit in the chair that was next to his bed and look at him.

"You know, you come here at least twice a week," you start as he stares at your pretty eyes. "Is there any reason you are always getting hurt?"

"Oh- er, no, um..." Harry rubs his neck nervously as he suddenly avoids eye contact with you.

"You... you're not getting injured on purpose are you?"

"What?" Harry laughs nervously. "Of course not!"

Realization fills your head, it all makes sense now. Your friends told you he was always admiring you in the Great Hall, he always had a pink blush on his cheeks when you would look at him intensely, and you had heard him ranting to his friends over some girl.

You stand up and sit on the bed. "Are you sure there isn't another reason?"

"Well- umm- maybe there is one," he fidgets with fingers as he looks out the window.

"Yeah? And what would that reason be?"

"Isortakindafancyyou," he rushes out so fast you couldn't understand.

"I have no clue what you just said," you tilt your head with a small smile.

"I sorta kinda fancy you," Harry blushes as he looks you in your eyes.

"Do you now," you whisper as your face moves closer to his.

"Y-yeah," he mumbles while staring as you lips.

"Well, then I suppose you might want to know that I sorta kinda fancy you too," you say, glancing at his lips as well.

He can't take it any longer. He reaches a hand behind your neck and pulls your lips towards his.

He sits up while keeping your mouths connected. He cannot seem to get enough of your warm, soft lips.

His tongue slides into your mouth and you almost let out a moan from how passionate the kiss is.

Eventually, you slowly pull back, leaving his mouth trying to follow yours. Both of you are breathing heavy while wearing smiles.

"You are a great kisser," Harry says breathlessly.

"Not too bad yourself, Harry," you grin. "I'm sorry, I have to go, but we should do this again sometime," you stand up and go to turn around.

"Wait," he stays and he grabs your wrist gently. "Would you want to go to Hogsmeade with me sometime?" Harry kisses your hand.

"I would love to," you beam, bending down to peck his lips.

"Brilliant! How about this saturday?"

"Sounds perfect, bye Harry," you wave walking out of the room.

Harry licks his lips, wishing yours were on them again. He closes his eyes and falls back onto the pillows with a dreamy smile.

When Harry got back, Ron and Hermione never heard the end of it.

[thefiery-phoenix]

PLATONIC YANDERE POTTER FAMILY X READER X WEASLEY FAMILY

In this AU, Harry's parents are well alive

You'd most probably meet the Potter family first before meeting the Weasley family and I have a feeling that they'd be friends with each other. You'd meet the Potter family on the day Harry was going to Hogwarts, James did have quite a legacy at Hogwarts for being one of the best Quidditch seekers the Gryffindor Quidditch team ever had. Harry was looking forward to follow in his footsteps and the two of you met at the Kings' Cross Station. Your parents couldn't come with you to drop you off because they had an important business meeting with some client in Switzerland and they left you with your aunt who only dropped you off at the station and took off almost immediately, leaving you all by yourself surrounded with complete strangers. You've never been to Kings' Cross Station before and you had no idea where in the name of Merlin was platform 9 3/4. You've asked the Station master nearby and he thought you were just messing with him and pranking him which was why he just shooed you away

You were at a loss, you didn't know what to do and whom to contact, it wasn't like you were given an official guide as to where the platform was. You started panicking, thinking that the Hogwarts Express would be leaving without you any minute and you'd miss your wonderful chance to go to Hogwarts. You couldn't help but blink back a few tears of frustration as you felt that the situation was spinning out of control. You sighed and sat down on a bench for a moment to think about what to do next. You spotted a family of 3, a young boy of your age wearing glasses with a scar on his head, along with his parents, a man who resembled the boy's appearance, his father perhaps and his mother with hair as Red as the autumn leaves were accompanying their son with his trolley. "Blimey Harry, can't believe you're going to Hogwarts. Time does fly by fast" said James dramatically as he wiped his fake tears away

His wife, Lily glared at him and whispered "Shh... what if someone hears?" "It'll be all right, muggles don't know a damn thing about platform 9 and 3 quarters and Hogwarts and all that" he waved airily as they walked past you. An idea suddenly formed and took shape in your head as you followed them and when you finally caught up to them, you spoke "Umm... hi there, good morning. I was wondering if you could please direct me to where platform 9 and 3 quarters is...I know it exists, I just can't find it..." you finished with a forlorn look on your face as they stared at you in amazement for a moment and they had a silent discussion with each other through their eyes. You were indeed, one of them. "Don't worry dear, we'll help you. Where are your parents though?" enquired Lily as you replied "They're in Switzerland at the moment" "Oh...who came to drop you off then?" asked James as you answered "My aunt. She had some work to do back at her law firm. She's a lawyer so... it's just me by myself" you laughed slightly as they felt sad. Even though they just met you, Harry could already sense you were a bit upset and sad about something, the way your eyes had that wistful and wishful lost look in them, James and Lily didn't think too kindly about your aunt and your parents either at the moment

Attending Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry and boarding the Hogwarts Express for the very first time was a magical once in a lifetime experience which would be memorable in one's life. How could your so called family just abandon you like that without even taking the time off from their work to even see you off properly? And did your family not care about your safety at all? What about all the dangerous and unknown strangers lurking around? The society and world these days isn't really that safe you know especially for sweet little things such as yourself. They decided to accompany you and show you the ropes as you tagged along with them and felt grateful that you'd finally catch your train in time

You noticed Harry's scar and when you asked him how he got it, he just had a sheepish smile on his face and replied "I was trying to catch a snitch at the Diagon Alley on my broom and I accidentally crash landed at Borgin and Burkes near Knockturn alley. The owner wasn't really that pleased with me when I smashed some of his stuff but the incident did kind of catch on with the other witches and wizards from the magical world. Some thought it was amusing and they think I'll follow in my dad's footsteps to become a great seeker like him" "What's a seeker?" you asked him with a confused and bewildered expression on your face. He stared at you for a moment and then it dawned upon him that you could have spent your life living with muggles and you probably had no idea what he was talking about. However no matter, he'd show you and teach you everything

You guys reached the platform just in time and you thanked them for their help as Lily hugged you and smiled "Enjoy yourself dear. Stay safe and have fun but don't get into any trouble" your heart warmed at her words, it was the sort of advice a mother would give to her child before sending them off into the real world all by themselves. You nodded as you boarded the train with Harry, saying your farewell and goodbyes to the Potter family. James and Lily couldn't get you off their minds for some reason, they were concerned with your safety and wondered if you were being treated well at home. Perhaps they'd better write to Harry after he reached Hogwarts to check up on you and update them about you. Just to be safe

You were talking with Harry and your conversation was interrupted when a ginger haired boy around your age dressed in black robes, with freckles on his face peeked in and spoke "Excuse me, do you mind? Everyone else's is full..." "Not at all" replied Harry as he motioned for the guy to take a seat in front of him. "I'm Ron by the way. Ron Weasley" he introduced himself as Harry introduced himself and you introduced yourself as well. The three of you were engaged in discussions when the sliding door opened again and this time, a girl with brown hair asked if any of you had seen a toad, a boy named Neville had lost one. The three of you said you hadn't spotted a toad and when she saw the wand in Ron's hand, she spoke "Oh, you're doing magic? Let's see it then" with an interested look on her face. Ron glanced at the two of you nervously but composed himself as he straightened his posture and uttered a spell which you were pretty sure wasn't even real because instead of turning his pet rat Scabbers yellow, he just made it frightened and it started scampering around everywhere till he finally managed to calm it down

The girl introduced herself as Hermione Granger and she disappeared after she told you three to change into your robes. You finally reached Hogwarts after a few hours and you were speechless by the magnificence and splendor before you. It looked exactly like the sort of castles in your bedtime stories your mother used to read for you when you were little, before she wasn't too preoccupied with her work and had time for you. You went along with the other first years led by a giant of a man named Hagrid who you thought was quite nice and friendly. Then the head of the Gryffindor house, Minerva McGonagall who was also the Transfiguration professor gave you all some background information about the houses

"Slytherin is filled with dark wizards and witches. And crackpots too" whispered Ron to you and you felt nervous, you didn't want to get sorted into Slytherin and lose your new friends. Professor McGonagall then asked you all to wait for a few moments as she needed to get some things ready for the sorting ceremony and as soon as she left, a blonde haired guy spoke "So it's true then, the sayings on the train... Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts" as everyone looked at him in surprise and muttered among themselves. "This is Crabbe and Goyle. And I'm Malfoy... Draco Malfoy" as he introduced himself and Ron snickered in a not so subtle manner. Of course Draco heard it and wasn't really pleased with his reaction as he sneered at him. " You think my name's funny do you? There's no need to ask yours... red hair, a hand me down robe... you must be a Wealsey..." as he turned back to Harry and spoke "You'll have to know by now that there are some Wizarding families that are better than the others Potter. You're a part of the Sacred 28 after all,you don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort..." and glared at Ron again

You barely knew Malfoy for 5 minutes when you intervened "I'm sorry, what exactly makes a family a part of the Sacred 28? And Harry can make his decisions for himself. Of course, if you were a part of a Sacred family, your values and morals would be decent as well. Else you wouldn't be insulting people right off the bat as soon as you meet them". Some of the first years around you 'ooohed' when you said that as Malfoy's face grew hot and red with anger as he snarled "Stay out of this. No one asked you for your opinion" and you just rolled your eyes in response. Harry and Ron stared in amazement at your courage as Hermione was observing the scene from a distance away. It was your first day at Hogwarts and you were already getting ready to fight? She looked on rather disapprovingly but part of her admired your courage and loyalty for your friends by standing up for them. Which was why she also gripped her wand in her pockets just in case she could pull it out if the situation got out of hand. She didn't want anything happening to you for some reason

It was time for the sorting at long last, the moment you've been waiting for and Harry, Ron and Hermione were sorted into the Gryffindor house whereas Malfoy was sorted into the Slytherin house. The sorting hat was placed on top of your head and it muttered "Hmm.... interesting. Very very interesting...." as you nervously looked up at it and asked "What is?" "In all my years of sorting students into houses, you're truly something. You have bravery, courage and loyalty, fit to be a Gryffindor and yet, that cheek, determination and lots and lots of ambition to make you a Slytherin. Plenty of brains, the curiosity and hunger for knowledge is in there as well, you'd do well in Ravenclaw. You're also kind hearted and have the good old nature that Helga Hufflepuff was talking  about...hmm... where to put you?" it asked you

It was quite an interesting predicament because never before did anyone see the sorting hat have trouble sorting someone into a house. Everyone looked at you with bated breath as you could feel everyone's eyes on you which made you a bit conscious of yourself but you tried your best to ignore the feeling. The headmaster, Albus Dumbledore was watching you quite closely as professor Snape, the Potions professor seemed interested as well. After a few moments of deliberation, the sorting hat finally sorted you into Gryffindor which you felt relieved about. Harry, Ron and Hermione felt immensely glad that you were in the same house along with them. You felt an exhilarating feeling course through your body when everyone clapped for you as you joined the Gryffindor table. You were introduced to the Wealsey siblings present there, Percy Wealsey, the third oldest who was the Gryffindor prefect, Fred and George the twins who were overly fond of pranking people and you made a mental note to not get on their bad side. The last thing you needed was to wake up with horns on your head or something or a tail for that matter

Harry, Ron, Hermione and you became fast friends pretty quick but you refused to talk with them when they didn't include you in the quest for the Philosopher's stone. It broke their hearts but it was for your own good,you couldn't be put in danger like that. They cared for you too much and it drove them crazy when you ignored them or just glared at them angrily and stormed off. You finally softened a bit towards them when they said that they didn't want to put you in danger and they just wanted you to be safe. You started hanging out with them again as usual and they were elated, the days you refused to even spare them a second glance was utter torture for them. Harry, Ron and Hermione were like your three overprotective shadows, always around you no matter what. They've appointed themselves as your official caretakers and grew possessive and obsessive of you really quick

Harry wrote to his parents about you regularly as Ron did to his parents as well. During Christmas your parents forgot to send you your Christmas presents and you felt heartbroken. Harry, Ron and Hermione were mad as hell so they pitched in and got you some treats from the Great Hall and a few Christmas goodies of your own like a journal from Hermione, a cute quill set from Ron and from Harry, a book he thought you might be interested to read along with an encouraging note from all three of them. Of course they've mentioned to their parents that you haven't received any gifts for Christmas and you've received dozens of parcels from the Potter family and the Wealsey family, even though you hardly knew them. But they knew everything about you, more than you could know about yourself. You've received puddings, Tarts, cakes, pastries, sweaters, a maroon jumper with a W stitched on it and a snowglobe with a cute tiny snowman inside it. You felt grateful for their presents and sad at the same time for your own parents and family forgetting about you just like that

You were even more crushed when your parents said that they needed to go to France for a work conference and your aunt would be preoccupied with a huge case in the muggle world which meant you couldn't go back home. You were pretty devastated when you were invited by Ron to spend time with his family as Harry stated that his parents would join them at the Weasley's house for a couple of days. You agreed and upon reaching the Wealsey house, you could feel the warmth and homely feeling the atmosphere radiated. It certainly did give off homely vibes. You wished your family was also like this. You were introduced to Molly, who hugged you and spoke "So you're the famous Y/N my Ronald keeps talking about all the time... it's so nice to finally meet you dear" as Ron heatedly yelled out "MUM!" as Fred and George snickered in the background, whispering about how Ron was a simp for you as he told them to shut up

You were even introduced to Arthur Weasley, the father of Ron and the other Wealsey siblings who worked at the Ministry of magic, Bill Weasley who worked as a curse breaker at Gringotts the Wizarding bank in Egypt, Charlie Wealsey who worked with dragons in Romania which you found extremely fascinating. There was also young Ginny Weasley, who'd be starting Hogwarts next year. She was shy at first but she really opened up to you and she had fun being around you. The Weasley family loved and enjoyed your presence, it felt like you were part of their family already

Percy could see you becoming a head boy/ girl or prefect and he wanted to become your guide but Fred and George kept stealing you away to their room to show you their latest inventions. They loved it when your eyes sparkle and light up in curiosity, they feel proud when you take in interest in their inventions as do the other Wealseys when you enquired about their hobbies and pastimes. Molly wouldn't even let you step out of the house when it was time for De- gnoming the garden, she didn't want you getting injured and everyone agreed that it would be best for you if you'd stayed in while they'd take care of the business

A few days later James and Lily showed up at the Burrow and greeted you warmly as all of you sat down together and discussed various things over some nice hot steaming bowls of soup and a scrumptious feast laid out by Molly and Lily. When you were asked about your love life by Ginny, you literally choked on your soup as Molly patted you on the back and James handed you a glass of water. "Ginevra, that isn't a question for the dinner table" said Molly with a death stare as everyone present there became very interested in what you had to say. "Believe it or not, some guy from our Potions class, Troy Mullers asked me out for Valentine's day" "What did you say?" asked Hermione as everyone felt that sudden protective urge to make sure you were safe by all means necessary, even if it meant getting that Troy schmuck out of the way. They won't stand for someone to romantically court you, you were too kind and innocent to have your heart and feelings being taken for a ride by some random immature guy you barely even knew

"I... I rejected him. He wasn't happy about it and he called me all sorts of mean names but... it's not something I'm not used to" you shrugged it off as they all felt anger course through their veins. Who dared to make you sad and upset by calling you mean names and hurt your feelings? In fact Charlie was ready to send a Hungarian Horntail after them and Fred and George would send them Howlers after Holwers and packages with explosive Dungbombs from Zonkos, the Wizarding joke shop that go off as soon as you open the parcel. They were seething and they all came to a single conclusion, you had to be taken under their care for your own good. And judging by the way your so called family was treating you, you wouldn't want to be spend more time with them anymore which was a huge favor for them. Besides, what good is a family if they can't take care of you? Don't worry dear, they'll look after you and care for you like their very own. You've become a part of their families now whether you wanted to or not and it's like they say, family ALWAYS comes first...

[raz-writes-the-thing]

“you are already turned on?” for ten please? <33

"Big whopping alien sex club right here in front of your eyes- and you're trying to tell me you're not? Blimey, you've got a stronger will than I have, clearly," the Doctor responded, eyes trained on what appeared to be a tentacled alien using their appendages to jerk a man off in a glass case.

To the aliens' right, in another glass case was a set of humans going at it for the whole club to see. In the middle of the room- various aliens and humans of all shapes and colours and appendages danced on poles. You found it amusing, actually, how much like an Earth strip club this was.

The Doctor looked like he was in a candy store, greedily eyeing in all the things he wanted to sample. And then, he pointed towards the back of the club where a glass case stood empty.

"Oh, look, love," he said with a grin, taking your hand and whisking you towards the structure. "This one's ours. Nice and private. Well- sort of."

You stepped up into the glass case, the Doctor following and closing the door behind you both. Onlookers started to take an interest- able to tell that a new show was about to start.

"Alright, Doctor," you said, running your fingers down his front appreciatively. "Let's get this show on the road."

[strangesthirdeye]

ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴍᴇɴᴛs? ( sʜᴇʀʟᴏᴄᴋ x ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴʟᴇss ғᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

Summary: When an experiment becomes a non-experiment

Warning: IT'S SHERLOCK HOLMES! HE'S OUR FAVOURITE POOKIE. Mention about car crash and accident, minor injuries, light angst but ending fluff and sweet. Lack of reaction from the reader, Sherlock being Sherlock, Burned, Lack of John Watson but there is still John Watson, serial killer, knife, cliche confessions. Brain injuries, medical thingy, Mrs Hudson is reader's grandma.

As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Y/n?!"

You jerked from your reverie and glanced to the side to see Mrs. Hudson whose expression changed to concerned. She gushed over you and approached your side with her signature mumbling with the hint of worries in her tone.

She then touched your hand which was red due to burns with hot water over to the sink and opened the tap water to cold to help your burned hands.

You emotionlessly looked at your burnt hand with blank eyes.

"Blimey, Y/n. Luckily I saw you, dear. Otherwise, your hands would have been badly burned" she gushed with worry as she splashed cold water on your burned hands.

You just stay silent. It's not like you have feelings or emotions to show off but really, you don't know what emotions you should show whether it's smiling or sad. Your brain is just.. blank.

It all started when you were involved in an accident that caused your head to suffer serious internal injuries which meant you had to be operated on immediately, leaving you with a shaved head and lost emotions which doctors explained were due to damaged which cannot be avoided when operating on your head. Just your limbic system seems to have a problem.

So here you are, with blank face watching your hands get treated by your grandma who is still mumbling about your whereabouts. She's the one who is always with you so she understands your conditions since you were involved in an accident. She's the one who offered you to live with her claimed that she's just missed her granddaughter even though in reality she just worries about you.

You sometimes don't understand why she wants to take care of you so much when you can take care of yourself but well, it's Mrs Hudson we're talking about.

Mrs. Hudson clipped the stapler for the bandage on the side of your hand with satisfaction. She sighed before turning her gaze to you who stared at your bandaged hands with a deadpan.

"Now, you need to be careful next time, dear. If you want to do work, make sure you concentrate on it for a while so that nothing happens, okay?" she gently rubbed your bandaged hands.

You turned your gaze to your grandmother blankly and nodded in understanding. "thanks, nana" you muttered flatly.

Mrs Hudson shook her head dismissively. "no need, dear. At least you're okay."

You stared at her blankly before nodding. "Right"

Mrs Hudson looked concerned at you. "is your head still sore?"

"no" you shook your head.

She nodded with understanding. "If you say so, don't forget to take your medicine, dear. If your head still hurts, feel free to seek me out. Nana is at the kitchen okay?" she kissed your head gently before retreating to the kitchen probably cleaning all those things you're done earlier.

You stared at her back with no emotion running inside your head nor did your face show any emotions. It's like you are a robot. But why does your inside feel warm and comfortable? Why do you feel like you are being hugged with a period heater all over your body? like someone just hugs you from the inside. Why do you feel this way?

You shrugged. 'this is new.. might search about it later'

You bring your attention to your bandaged hands with a deadpan look. Should you feel something about this or should you just leave it alone? Most people react when they're injured whether they cry or yelp in pain. But you don't. you just shut up and stared at your hands with empty eyes. Is like something you normally do but not always. Your hands feel stretched under the bandages it's like your hands are full of chewing gum and you try to pull it out but to no avail it doesn't come off.

You frowned. It's probably taken a few weeks to heal which you don't mind as long as you wash the burn. You looked around your flat trying to figure out what to do next but then you came out with nothing. You leaned against your sofa with a sigh and stared at the ceiling. Your mind is empty and just staring into space.

But your peace didn't last long when you heard footsteps rushing from outside your flat to the flat above.

221B. You are neighbors with the infamous Sherlock Holmes and Doctor John Watson.

Honestly, you don't know them at all, you just know them from your grandmother. She always complained about them. Always. And you think you can memorize her 'not your housekeeper' speeches by heart as long as you live with her.

You ignored all the rushing above. Eyes closed trying to take a nap for a while but then a voice of shouting from upstairs was heard causing you to open your eyes and stare at the ceiling directly to the floor of the flat above.

Mrs Hudson came out of the kitchen and peeked her head from the edge of the kitchen and into the living room with frustration. "Oh, that young man will be the cause of my heart attack soon if he shouts like that all the time" Mrs Hudson complained before she went back into the kitchen.

But the shouting was still heard again but this time Mrs Hudson's name was shouted from the man on the upper floor. Mrs Hudson stopped everything she was doing.

"Y/n, why don't you go up to the top flat and find out what does that man need?" Mrs. Hudson suggested.

"me?" you cocked your head to the side.

"yes, dear. At least he is quiet, so that there is a bit of peace in this flat" Mrs Hudson said, waving her hands towards you as of shooing you out of the flat.

You got up and went out on your grandmother's orders without any thought. The steps are arranged up the flat stairs leading to the upper flat.

There you see a flat that is a little messy from the stairs. The flat door was wide open showing the contents of the flat. Files and papers scattered on the floor and table and empty cups on the table. In fact everything in the flat is out of place. You didn't make any comments instead you just continued your steps until you reached the door of the flat.

You peek your head out of the door. There Sherlock was sitting on his chair with his hands in prayer and his eyes closed.

For a moment you thought that you interrupted his peace but then Sherlock opened his eyes and glanced at you with confusion written on his face.

oh, i forgot to mention that Sherlock never once met face to face or got to know you while you were sitting with your grandmother. So, obviously he is a bit confused about who you are. Sherlock narrowed his eyes before he got up and strode towards you dramatically.

You didn't show any reaction. In fact, you're not sure how to react to that. You try to feel intimidated by him but you can't. You just can't. Sherlock is now standing in front of you and looking at your face trying to deduce all the information related to you. You stared at his face with no reaction show on your face. You know about him even if you have never met him. Mostly from your grandmother who always talks about it. Complaining about his rather strange behavior or anything unusual he did.

Now you wonder what your grandmother complained about Sherlock now that you are in front of him. Sherlock parted his gaze on you and turned around walking towards his chair and anchored his back to the chair. He leaned back on the chair with his eyes focused on you.

"You are not clients" he said bluntly.

"I'm not clients" you replied flatly.

"You are Mrs Hudson's granddaughter" Sherlock exclaimed.

"Yes" you replied simply.

Sherlock cocked his heqd slightly to the side. Confused with the lack of reaction to every reply you reply to him. Not to mention your face is very natural with no reaction plastered on your face. This irked something in him.

"You recently lived with Mrs Hudson after the car crash and now you live with her permanently. You work at a bookstore judging by how close off your personality is. Introverted, obviously. Now you are still looking for a job which has not been accepted after just sending the form application which probably they won't send a response" Sherlock made his deduction.

You stared at him with a pointless look. Nothing to show on your face. Sherlock narrowed his eyes after he finds that you didn't respond with any snarky remarks to him that people always say to him.

"anything to say?" Sherlock stared at you intently.

"Should I say anything?" You replied.

"People always respond with inappropriate responses" Sherlock clasped his hands together in front of his mouth as his eyes focused on you.

"Car crash, it's true. Living with my grandma permanently is true. Only the last one was a bit true. The one who wants to hire me as an employee has sent me feedback and I'll start next week. I am introvert and also used to work at the bookstore" you replied bluntly.

Sherlock grunted not satisfied with what you said. He leaned the back of his head on the chair he was sitting on while closing his eyes. You cocked your head to the side a little.

"Do people always do that?" you asked him

"do what?" Sherlock responded without looking at you.

"saying something that is not inappropriate to you" You continued.

"Always" Sherlock replied.

"Aren't you mad at them?" you asked

"Not if it has happened many times." Sherlock said. "If you become me, you must be used to it"

"Same as me now. I used to be angry when people said that to me like that now that I lost the feeling of anger. Not only anger but other feelings too" You said before deciding to sit in the seat in front of him.

Sherlock opened his eyes and stared at you for a moment. "You lost other feelings"

You nodded. "yeah, anger, happiness, sadness, fear, nervous. I don't feel all that anymore due to car crash. The doctor said that I have a damaged limbic system, all my emotions and feelings are gone, leaving me acting like a robot" you said without showing any reaction.

Sherlock looked at you solemnly. "so you don't feel pain? Bored?"

You nodded. "that too"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Three months later, you and Sherlock started getting along well. Well, not until Mrs Hudson tries to let you socialize with other people so that other people is John. At first John was a bit confused because he never saw you nor did you ever see him because during those 3 months he spent a lot of time at his house with his wife and daughter leaving Sherlock alone in the flat. But then when he knew you and knew your conditions he started to be friendly with you and treat you like family.

You as usual only say yes and get along well with him because you don't know how to react so you are just friends with him like you are friends with Sherlock.

Sherlock well, he always experimented with you with various things just for you to show any emotions and feelings. He always said that he can trigger you to show your emotions and feelings even if it's just a little. But not all become.

There was a time he's trying to say something hurtful to you just to make you feel angry or sad but he ended up getting slapped by you with your usual blank face. He smirked at that because he knows that in your neutral face, you must be feeling anger from the inside. But for some reason the feeling of your hand made him feel something in himself.

There was a time when he offered you to join him in solving a case. Which is a serial killer case. Of course. He introduced you to Lestrade and Lestrade as usual treated you kindly without feeling disturbed by your emotionless face. He already went through everything on Sherlock so he's used to it. But the real part is the serial killer managed to attack you with his knife which you dodged but your arm didn't. Not major but only minor. You only need stitches.

Lestrade is obviously concerned with you while Sherlock.. well Sherlock with his still going observation about your feelings and emotions determined to observe you who is still being stitched, trying to find any kind reaction you bring out. Like pain.

You winced faintly while your face still remained neutral. But Sherlock saw the look on your face. It seems like you don't show any kind of emotion and feelings externally but internally. And then without hesitation, Sherlock held your injured hand gently, hoping to ease the pain.

That was two weeks ago, your arm still has stitches that will leave a scar. Today, Sherlock tries to do an experiment different from the others. He wants to know if you are capable of feeling affection. Which is not sure but he wanted to try.

So right now, he, John and you are chilling in the flat while flipping through all the files regarding the current case. Thanks to Lestrade who was willing to bring all the files to their flat.

John sighed tiredness and boredom. He put the files he was holding on the table next to his chair and rubbed his tired eyes. He glanced at you and Sherlock who were sitting facing each other on the floor still flipping through the files solemnly.

He sighed for the second time. "I'm going home now, Mary must be waiting for me"

Sherlock hummed while you bid him goodnight but eyes still on the files in both hands. John shook his head and got up from the chair and walked out of the flat to his house.

Now that John is gone, Sherlock can start his observation (Experiment). He turned his gaze from the file and stared at your face who was so neutral while you were flipping through the files unaware of everything but tasks in your hands. Sherlock placed the files from his hands on the floor before slowly he moved himself to sit next to you.

You didn't realize that Sherlock had changed his position from facing you to next to you because you were still busy with the files in your hands. Sherlock sat next to you and thought for a moment about his next move.

Now he needs to do something to make you flustered. As someone who has never done anything romantic, Sherlock sure knows how to do something romantic after half a day of searching about romance on Google. Now, what he needs to do is he needs your attention on him so that he can think next moves.

Sherlock took a deep breath before he spoke. "Aren't you tired?"

You hummed. "not really.."

"It's quite late, you know.. It's 2 in the morning.. Aren't you sleepy?" Sherlock said slowly moved his right hand to your back and rested his hand on the floor so that his position was closer to you. (don't know how to describe it)

"I have severe insomnia since the accident so no.. I'm not sleepy" You replied, eyes still observing the files.

Sherlock nodded. "but it's a bit late.. maybe we can continue it tomorrow?"

You frowned. "But you said you need an answer as soon as possible-" your sentence hung in your mouth as you turned your head to Sherlock's face which was close to yours.

Sherlock stared at your eyes that were staring at his eyes. That neutral face of yours that he used to look at his face closely made him forget his next plans.

Too lost for words to be uttered by him when he saw a face that he himself did not see how perfect it was. You were stunned and observed every curve of his face. Starting from his colorful eyes, his pointed nose, his sharp cheek bones and ending with his reddish lips.

It's like seeing an angel in front of your eyes. His face looks like it was made by an experienced artist. Very detailed and too perfect. How can this man who is claimed by the public as rude, psychopathic and robotic have this kind of beauty? Now you see Sherlock's face up close. Noticed his faint wrinkles on his pale skin. Not to mention his thick curly black hair. Gosh, you just want to run your fingers through his hair.

'oh, what are you thinking?' you thought strangely. Never do you think like this. Plus why is your heart beating fast.. Why do you feel like something is about to burst from your stomach. Something that doesn't hurt.

Sherlock stared at your face for a long time before his right hand that was on the floor began to move and gently palmed your cheek.

Your face feels warm in his hands. Your skin is red and yet your face doesn't show any kind of reaction. You still don't say anything but letting him do his next move.

"Y/n?" Sherlock called out.

You looked at his eyes. "yes?"

'fuck off about the experiment I'll do this instead' Sherlock thought before he took a deep breath.

"I've been wanting to say this for a long time, ever since you started accompanying me in every case." Sherlock started.

"what is it?" you put your hand in his hand that palmed your cheek.

"Those things that I did to you during the few months you accompanied me in the cases, were just experiments to get what kind of reaction you had.. Things like saying bad things to you and so on were just experiments. But then, I felt something which I didn't expect.. Something that was like a spark of firework in me when I helped you to express your feelings and emotions" Sherlock said.

You frowned in confusion.

"I did not realize that my experiment would backfire on me for expressing my feelings and emotions. You also know that I am the type that never shows any kind of emotions in public for the sake of my image. But then, when that is you... I feel like I want to express all kinds of feelings and emotions to you and you alone" Sherlock put his other hand on your cheek. Now his two hands palmed your face. Thumbs unconsciously stroke your cheeks.

"It's something I've never done but it doesn't hurt if I try, right? I understand if you find it a bit inappropriate but I'm telling something honest from my heart.. I love you" Sherlock said with a tender plus lovingly.

You stared at his face yet your face didn't show any reaction but your face was red and warm in both his hands. Mouth agape you exhaled a short breath before looking down flustered.

You are flustered. Finally you are flustered with his confession. Sherlock noticed your reaction. His heart was quite happy with your reaction but his face showed concern as he never saw your reaction which was extreme for you to deal. He knows you are still trying to deal with your feelings and emotions but he is still concerned with the amount of emotions and feelings you are calculating now.

"Y/n? are you alright?" Sherlock still palmed your face.

You turned your gaze from the floor to Sherlock's eyes before without hesitation you kissed his lips with force. Showing how much you really want him and how much you really love him. Sherlock's eyes widened before he too reciprocated your kiss. He angled your head up with his hands so that he could kiss you deeply.

You put your left hand on his shoulder while your right hand is on the back of his neck. But as a normal human being which you two don't think you two are normal, parted away from eaxh other faces and stared at one another with affection. For the first time you smiled sweetly making Sherlock's heart beating fast. Both of you brought your foreheads together and leaned against each other with smiles on both of your faces.

"I love you too" you replied with a smile.

Non-experimental results: successful.

[cousmemes]

dialogue starters from VARIOUS DOCTOR WHO SPECIALS. feel free to edit for context / continues under the cut.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Do you know, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before."

"Whatever happens tonight, remember you brought it on yourself."

"Don't treat me like an idiot."

"Sorry, I didn't realise I was boring you."

"What's happened? What are you not telling me?"

"I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you. I don't and never, ever will care."

"Give me your hand and come to me."

"Everything has got to end some time, otherwise nothing would ever get started."

"I don't need anyone else."

"That wasn't there a second ago. It just appeared, from nowhere."

"What's wrong with silly?"

"Where are you going? I thought we were just getting acquainted."

"How refreshing to see you taking an interest again."

"Don't worry. No one's going to hurt you."

"Don't try to run away. Stay where you are."

"Why would I run? I know what's going to happen next and it's funny."

"What's wrong with dangerous?"

"I'm begging you. I'm on my knees."

"Children are not really my area of expertise."

"Yes? What? I'm trying to read."

"This isn't the sort of thing I do anymore."

"You missed this, didn't you?"

"Do I always have to state the obvious?"

"Blimey, you really know how to sulk, don't you?"

"Well, for your information, I'm not sweet on the inside."

"I don't know why I'm crying."

"Remember this. This right now, remember all of it. Because this is the day. This is the day. This is the day everything begins."

"What is the point of blaming yourself?"

"Will you come away with me?"

"Don't you think, after all this time and everything I've ever done, that I am owed this one?"

"We saved the world, you and me. We really, really did."

"Next time, would it kill you to knock?"

"What's our cover story for this?"

"Am I having a midlife crisis?"

"You don't seem to be kneeling. How tremendously brave of you."

"Is something funny? Did I miss a funny thing?"

"Oh, goodness, you're not actually dead. Oh, that's tremendous news."

"Emergency! You're my boyfriend."

"No, stop, stop, don't move. Don't do anything."

"There you are. What took you so long?"

"You didn't even say goodbye!"

"Why did you send me away?"

"Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually. Everything ends."

"Why didn't you call me? I could have helped."

"Oh. I died. It's funny, the things that slip your mind."

"He just looked so beautiful standing there. I wanted everything to stop. I wanted nothing to change ever again."

"Don't hug me so tight. You'll break something."

"Were you always so young?"

"You're going to stay here. Promise me you will."

"It's started. I can't stop it now."

"It all just disappears, doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror."

"We all change, when you think about it. We're all different people all through our lives."

"I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear."

"Stay calm. Just one question. Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?"

"Talk to me. I never thought I was going to see you again."

"Don't make me think about them!"

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare say that."

"Who are you? Why are you dressed like that?"

"We never stood a chance. How did we survive that?"

"Seriously? You're trying to help?"

"Well, that's not a very nice attitude, is it?"

"You're always talking like you're so clever, going on and on. So tell me what to do!"

"You're always such a downer."

"I'm sorry. I was stupid. I should have come back earlier. I wish that I had."

"No. It isn't all over. It's far from being all over."

"I knew it. I knew you couldn't be dead."

"That is - That is not happening. That's totally not happening. Agreed?"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Why am I wearing these?"

"Quite beautiful, really, isn't she?"

"Can we just pretend that that never happened? Can we just never, ever talk about this again?"

"I hope we talk about it loads. I hope we spend years laughing about it."

"I'm afraid. Very, very afraid. I don't normally admit that to anyone else."

"You're a bit of a legend these days."

"Well, that would be a nice story, wouldn't it?"

"The real world is not a fairytale."

"I'm so tired of losing people."

"How was this our fault?"

"I think I'm ready now. But I should like to know - are you?"

"Whatever you decide, good luck."

"Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest?"

"Thank you. Thank you for everything that you were to me."

"You wait a moment. Let's get it right. I've got a few things to say to you."

"Laugh hard, run fast, be kind."

[forestdeath1]

ur takes r so good but how can u like jily 😭😭 he bullied her bsf

I swear, a hundred years will pass and people will still be going on about how James bullied Snape and how poor Snape was.

I’m sorry, but read what nuance really means. Snape and James’s situation isn't just a nuance, it's a big fat stain that you somehow don't see.

They were both idiots at school. Both James and Snape.

Ok. Let's take a closer look at their relationship. Here's their first encounter:

‘Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?’  (Draco said the same thing, by the way)

Sirius did not smile. ‘My whole family have been in Slytherin,’ he said.

‘Blimey,’ said James, ‘and I thought you seemed all right!’ 

Sirius grinned.

‘Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?’

Notice that Sirius didn't even react to James's "I'd leave", even though he knew his whole family was from Slytherin, and he was likely to go there too.

James lifted an invisible sword.

‘“Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!” Like my dad.’

Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

‘Got a problem with that?’

‘No,’ said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. ‘If you’d rather be brawny than brainy –’

It was Snape who starts the confrontation on a personal level. James in his insults in this memory refers to moral qualities. "Who wants to be in Slytherin?" Only bad people. He is prejudiced against Slytherin because Slytherin is evil. Voldemort is gaining momentum. The first Muggle-born Minister was recently ousted. Attacks are happening here and there. Dark forces are growing. More and more of the pure-blood society talks about "Mudbloods" not belonging in this world. And "amazingly", they all turn out to be from Slytherin. James sees himself as a noble knight "James lifted an invisible sword", and he is against Slytherin not so much personally as against the moral component of Slytherin.

This doesn't mean James had the right to bully Snape. But come on, are we going to paint Snape as a poor little boy? He was the first to insult Gryffindor on a personal level. James was spot on saying, who wants to be in Slytherin? Voldemort was terrorizing the country and killing people. Think about it, what Slytherin was like back then. It's like if there was a house in some school dominated by Nazi ideals and all the main supporters of terror came from that house. Would you be all lenient about that house? Don't you get how bad things were in the wizarding world then? James expressed his preference that he didn't want to study there. Who would? It was Snape who started the confrontation, getting personal (‘If you’d rather be brawny than brainy –’). Why can't the younger generation of readers think on a bigger scale, rather than just personally? IT WAS SLYTHERINS WHO WERE KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE. What's there even to talk about?

Yeah, sure, James was pretty blunt and rude too. Although in my view, he had the right to openly disagree with Slytherin's views.

If you're looking for who actually started all this in this situation, here's the answer — Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin. Blame those two.

But don't tell me Snape wasn't backing Slytherin's ideas. He had a bias against Muggles even before school.

“Haven’t been spying,” said Snape, hot and uncomfortable and dirty-haired in the bright sunlight. “Wouldn’t spy on you, anyway,” he added spitefully, “you’re a Muggle.”

He already had a dislike for Muggles. You'll say it's because of his bad dad? But Harry also had a bad family. Having a tough time isn't an excuse for hating on the weaker ones (in this case, Muggles).

Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?”

Snape hesitated. His black eyes, eager in the greenish gloom, moved over the pale face, the dark red hair.

“No,” he said. “It doesn’t make any difference.

And he knew full well what Slytherin was about and the difference between pure-bloods and Muggle-borns. And still wanted to be in Slytherin.

So she’s my sister!

“She’s only a—” He caught himself quickly; Lily, too busy try- ing to wipe her eyes without being noticed, did not hear him.

Yeah, she's "only a Muggle."

I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy!

Snape's mates are creepy and the whole school's scared of them. But you'll say Snape needed someone to hang out with or that he was bullied in Slytherin, so he hung out with them? Then you really don't get Snape's character. He's up for a fight. If he really didn't want to, he wouldn't have hung around with them! Snape's got a backbone, and you're making him out to be a doormat. He's not. He did what he wanted.

D’you know what he tried to do to Mary MacDonald the other day?

That was nothing,” said Snape. “It was a laugh, that’s all—”

“It was Dark Magic, and if you think that’s funny… Mulciber’s and Avery’s idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don’t understand how you can be friends with them."

After SWM:

You and your precious little Death Eater friends—you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

It's the fifth year. When you say Snape wasn't a Death Eater yet... yeah, he wasn't, but he already knew who he was likely to become and who his mates were definitely going to be.

But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus.

And Snape calls others Mudbloods. Like I said, James' bullying of Snape was "morally directed," James saw himself as a knight in shining armor. It's awful, and James had no right to it, and of course James's actions affected Snape. But that's also not an excuse for Snape.

Snape's always been fascinated by the Dark Arts, he was famous for it at school.

Plus, Snape was known for his fondness for the dark arts. Wonder where that reputation came from? Snape came up with powerful dark spells back in school. Snape was a wizard of great power.

And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts and James — whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry — always hated the Dark Arts.

Here's the main conflict. Somehow Snape fans say James bullied Snape because Snape was poor and James was rich. Where did you read that? Lupin was his friend and wasn't rich. Pettigrew didn't seem to be rich either. Not everything in the world is measured in money. Not all pure-blood wizards are rich. Not all Death Eaters are rich. Slytherin isn't a rich kids' club. Pure-bloods aren't an aristocracy with vaults full of money. It's fanon, but it's not canon.

Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn’t really expect James to take that lying down, could you?”

And Snape attacked James too. By seventh year, Snape had one foot already in with the Death Eaters. If you don't get how HORRIBLE that is, then I don't know how to explain it to you.

Plus, he deliberately kept tabs on them, snooping around Lupin, wanting to rat him out.

“What’s Potter got to do with anything?” said Lily.

“They sneak out at night. There’s something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?

He’s ill,” said Lily. “They say he’s ill—”

“Every month at the full moon?” said Snape.

I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.”

And by the way, even Snape admitted that the whole school saw the Marauders as "wonderful." It probably wasn't true, the Marauders were bullies, but it was likely because they stood up for Muggle-borns and were against Voldemort's ideas. That's why they weren't seen as "evil and creepy" like Snape and the Slytherins.

About how the Marauders were actually bullies — I wrote about it here. And they never really understood anything, even when they grew up.

But please stop justifying Snape by James's actions (why is everyone forgetting Sirius?) There is no excuse for either of them. And the fact that James bullied Snape...it has no bearing on how I feel about Jily. Snape wasn't a poor kid. James wasn't a golden retriever. James and Sirius were pretty cruel. Snape was too. They just ended up on different sides of the fence.

And I don't love Snape for who he was in school. I love him for what he did afterward — bravely and selflessly securing victory over the biggest evil in the WW at the cost of his entire life.

[velvetvexations]

I think one of the main reasons I dislike Fantasy High Junior Year is because of the way it was marketed. Like, there's an entire video explaining how Kristen is gonna go through this major character arc and ditch some of her more wacky antics as she realizes that the chaos she creates isn't cute anymore... and then there's absolutely no payoff. Instead, Kristen is at her quirkiest and most chaotic and other than a few dressing downs from some NPCs that she completely ignores nothing happens.

Like, I've never had a problem with Kristen's disaster personality. I think they handled it just fine in the first two seasons so that she never became too annoying or unlikeable. But it's just dialed up to 11 in Season 3. To the point where its genuinely not funny. And if chaos isn't cute, that'd make sense. It'd be on purpose, so everything can come crumbling down Fabian style and she'd have to become a better person. But that doesn't happen. So you're left sitting through all this garbage with the promise of a payoff that doesn't exist, which just leaves you bitter at the end.

It's especially frustrating when a few characters try to lead her in that direction. Like, Riz is working his ass off to get Kristen the presidency, something she only really wants as an ego boost, with no real platform or plans she can think of. He's the one joining all the clubs. He's the one making all the plans. Hell, he's the one making sure they're all doing well in their classes. And it gets to the point where his mom flat out tells Kristen that Riz would make a better president than her.

In any other story, that would immediately que the audience in to how Kristen's arc is gonna get resolved. With her abandoning the presidency and giving it to Riz, apologizing for making him do so much work for her and rewarding him for his effort. This followed up by deciding to be better for Cassandra, another person she mistreated and took for granted.

But she doesn't. Instead, she just makes Riz her vice president at the end and pushes all the work onto him AGAIN, to the point where it undoes the only character development he got all season (him shifting back to coffee from tea the moment Kristen makes him VP). And it certainly doesn't help that its the middle class white girl making her poor minority friend do everything for her.

Like, why market it as Kristen getting serious when that doesn't happen? Why act like she has some arc when she doesn't? It only makes the audience bitter when they went in expecting serious consequences and got nothing.

The marketing was very weird. Not only was there the false advertising with Baron's second form, which really hurts me to say as someone who sees Dropout as a bastion of ethics-based capitalism, but something just didn't sit right with me about the hype blimey got when it happened. Like, yes, it was funny, but like...ultimately I was like, alright? It wasn't anything actually important? It was specifically something Brennan was once again pushing really hard for them to succeed at because it was something they had to pass to continue to the next leg of the story?

Back when the Second Place episode of Game Changer came out, I saw someone complain about Dropout going back to the Brennan monologue well. I was like, hey, I love that shit, if you don't like the premise of a show don't watch it, right?

But here the commercialization of the cast's quirks and specific styles might have, I think, crossed a line, because of just how underwhelming blimey was compared to how it was built up. Like, Ally's quirky insane rolls drive Brennan crazy, haha, okay. The Brennan monologue well is, IMO, far from dry, but D20's hysterical theatrics in situations like that is getting stale, or at least that's how it felt this season.

[umbrellacam]

Post-Knightfall - Batboys and Domestic Chores

aka What To Do When Your Alfred Quits Because Bruce Is A Self-Destructive Dingus With No Regard For His Own Health And So Now You Suddenly Have To Adult All By Yourself

aka despite both being raised by Alfred from roughly age 9 onward, Bruce is still a completely helpless fumbling rich boy when it comes to domestic tasks, while Dick is very much not, lol.

Tim also starts out as a typical sheltered teenage boy who doesn't even know how to fold laundry... But fortunately for him, he has a new older brother to teach him what's what while they're partnered up during Prodigal! :D

...Sort of. Once Bruce is back and he and Tim are on their own, they both still fumble without Alfred or Dick around. Tim's embryonic domestic skills can't make up for Bruce being a sad wet cat re: household tasks, pfft.

In chronological order, starting after Bruce and Alfred have both fucked off and Dick and Tim are holding down the fort in Gotham as Batman and Robin:

DICK AND TIM

Batman #512 - Dick can cook! And he cooks for Tim :) Also, the house-robes are adorable, as always. Tim: "I can't believe you can actually cook..." Dick: "I like to eat." Tim: "So does Bruce - but he had to order Chinese last night." Dick: "That's where I'm one up on him - I've lived on my own without an Alfred. Still miss him, though... He was good for a lot more than cooking and cleaning." Tim: "Yep - but at least we don't have to miss him on empty stomachs."

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #32 - The Manor was thrashed after Bruce's fight with Bane, and was never cleaned up after Bruce's back was broken and Jean-Paul Valley took over as Batman. The Batbros are on the job! Dick (sweeping): "Bruce told me a story once: Two philosophers talked all day." Tim (blithely eating a banana): "And...?" Dick (tossing him the broom): "The mess was still there next morning!" Tim (grinning): "Message received and understood, Captain!"

Batman #513 - Timmy is amazed at Dick's mastery of the household arts! Tim: "Awesome - you can cook and do the laundry?" Dick: "Hey, if there's time, I may even putty some new panes in those smashed windows." Tim: "Blimey - does Alfred the Pennyworth know you've mastered all his domestic secrets?" Dick: "Who do you think taught him?" Tim: "Not to get too serious, Dick, but it's good to see you loose again - and good to see the Manor taking shape, too. Since Jean Paul didn't care about it and Bruce relies on Alfred, it looks like you can teach a trick or two the other Batmen couldn't."

Robin #12 - More Dick handling the laundry, and Dick flinging a towel in Tim's face - er, teaching him how to fold so that he can pitch in instead of sitting on the side and moping. Dick: "Does that mean that things are going smoother between you and Ariana?" Tim (mopily): "Not really. Every time I think we're finally getting along, something happens to change all that." Dick: "Welcome to the opposite sex, Tim." Tim: "Look at you with the laundry. You're going to make some woman happy someday." Dick: "Well, it's about time you learned to fold a towel." (throws one in Tim's face) Tim: "Hey!" Dick: "I can't do everything around here until Alfred gets back."

BRUCE AND TIM

Bruce is back! And he straight up sucks at all this stuff without Alfred, lol, and doesn't have a Dick to lean on like Tim did.

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #35 - Bruce attempting laundry in the washer (laundry strewn all over the room and bubbles ominously emerging from the machine), getting pizza delivery, and asking the delivery boy for limo service recs, lol. Delivery Boy: "Good afternoon, sir. Three-cheese special, right?" Bruce: "You don't happen to know a good limo service? Or anything about washing machines...?"

Detective Comics #685 - Bruce infamously ruining tuna fish sandwiches. Bruce: "Sorry about lunch, Tim. I'm not much of a hand in the kitchen. With Alfred gone I'm pretty much helpless." Tim: "It's okay, Bruce. How can you screw up a tuna fish sandwich?" (takes a bite) "Oh. That's how."

Detective Comics #687 - Bruce attempts to toss an Armani tuxedo in the washing machine because reasons. Tim: "Are you sure you know what you're doing, Bruce?" Bruce: "How dangerous can it be, Tim? Alfred never seems to have a problem." Tim: "Well, he makes everything look easy. What are you washing here?" Bruce: "My summer tux. It smelled like the river." Tim (pulling out the now-tiny tux jacket and smirking): "Guess you didn't know you were supposed to dry clean these things, huh?"

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #40 - The central heating system at the Manor has gone down, and Bruce is aghast that he (a) has to make a reservation with the maintenance man, and (b) it might take him more than a week to take care of it. Bruce decides to just fix it himself - I wonder how that went, lol. Bruce (hand to his forehead dramatically) : "A butler, at butler, my kingdom for a butler!" Tim (coming down the stairs into the basement): "Specifically Alfred?" Bruce: "Very specifically. He'd have had these central heating tyrants fixed in minutes. Losing Alfred has caused me as much pain as anything Bane did to me."

THE RETURN OF ALFRED! Yaaaaay! And more Bruce and Tim.

Batman #521 - More overflowing laundry shenanigans 😂 Bruce: "Not again, Tim!" Tim: "Honest, Bruce - I know I didn't go overboard on the detergent this time!" Bruce: "You mean you added detergent too--? After I already did it?" Tim: "Uh oh. Hey, I was only trying to help..." Bruce: "The mops." Tim: "Yeah...again." Alfred returns to Bruce and Tim both attempting to mop up, suds everywhere, including in their hair. To preserve both his and Bruce's dignity, he's pretended to come in answer to a Help Wanted ad that he himself placed in the paper, for a butler at Wayne Manor. Bruce and Tim both warmly welcome him home.

Detective Comics #689 - Batman and Robin pick the wrong rooftop to talk on, and startle a woman coming up to hang her laundry so badly that she faints, dropping and scattering the whole load. Robin: "She'll be okay. Just passed out." Batman: "I hate when this happens." Robin: "Well, what do we do now?" Batman: "How about demonstrating some of your new skills - the ones Nightwing taught you?" Robin: "Man..." He does, and the woman wakes up to her neatly folded items in her basket, while Bruce and Tim swing away. Tim (indignant): "It wouldn't hurt you to learn how to fold clothes, even though Alfred is back." Batman (grinning): "You know what they say about old dogs, Robin." Robin: "Right."

(All of these were published within a one year span, from November 1994 to September 1995. Very fun little recurring D-plot in the aftermath of Knightfall c:)

[freuleinanna]

good night, spaceman

posting a random domestic doctordonna ficlet because my heart cannot contain it, honestly?? it's short and silly, something about settling in one of the first nights, but shhh mama need to let it out. read it as platonic or romantic, i don't really care. i know my preferences, but hey, if it works for you? coolio. also, if you drop a request in my asks, chances are, i'll write something else

"Whatcha doing?" he frowns from the doorframe.

Inside, fabric flies and his minds instantly sings parachutes! – no, nope. Why would there be parachutes? Pastel colours settle down quite mundanely. He stifles a disappointed sigh.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Donna retorts, bowing over it, arms at work. "Changing the bed!"

A beat of silence.

"Why?"

She stops. The Doctor tenses instinctively. Shouting Donna is the default setup. The TARDIS (shuddering to her timecore, he imagines) bangs the swearing filter back on the instant that woman steps inside again. Silence, though? Now, that's trouble.

"How do you sleep?"

He scratches his cheek, sincerely wondering.

"I don't, usually."

Another pause. A blatant I-am-so-done-with-your-Martian-things look, ominously familiar, sets over Donna's face. He tenses more, only for a quick nod to follow.

"Yeah, that checks out."

"Right, then... D'you need help?"

"That's bamboo linen," she points out.

Huh.

Is that something he should understand?

That's… new. Usually it's him baffling others with random words, not the other way around. At the risk of getting annihilated, albeit verbally, but actually he wouldn't bet that verbally only, the Doctor steps closer and reaches for the other end of the bedsheet.

"I'll just?.."

"Hands off, you!"

"Blimey!" he shakes his palm.

"That's actually fancy!" The Doctor's hand is still stinging with a slap. Donna half-grins at him, some secret laughter warming her eyes. "Spacemen who consistently ruin their ship aren't trusted around fancy stuff. And don't gimme that look, mate. I wasn't there the last few times, and neither was that coffee."

Well, moments like this, then. He'll be collecting them. That's gonna be a new habit, instead of collecting heartbreaks. Laughing again - and with Donna! Grinning back, hands in pockets, the Doctor decides to hold on to it. On the darkest nights, when thoughts run bitter and endless, he used to count the stars – the only light across the empty vastness of the space. Now he can count sparkles in his best friend's eyes. What a life! What a beautiful, beautiful life.

"I'll just stand there, then?"

"Yeah, try not to explode from doing nothing," she huffs, still smiling, "or else I'll disown you."

"Disown? When did you own me?"

He watches Donna roll her eyes and sigh with her whole chest while finishing the job.

"Day one."

Linens get smoothed over, and Donna's hands glide across the fabric, adding the last touch. She looks over. Neither of them can stop an idiotic little smile appear, and the Doctor welcomes it with both his hearts, for her and for himself. He nods in agreement, shining brighter than the sun. And he's been to the sun. Well, some of them, at least.

"Sounds about right."

"You bet, Spaceman."

She's going to leave for the night. Before doing so, however, Donna does walk over. Full of surprises, her. She tidies his collar, and frowns a little, and darts him a look that's simultaneously worried and caring.

"Listen, you. If anything happens. If your honestly severe sleep deprivation, I don't know, decides to burst into a horror show, or something…"

"Wait, what?"

"I mean, if you have nightmares–"

"Oh, come on! I'm not a five-year-old–"

"Yeah, you're worse!" she cuts him off, showing her You're So In Trouble face for a brief moment. Her every line softens. She's searching his eyes for something, clearly grappling for words, but cannot seem to find befitting ones. Then just sniffs her nose and finishes matter-of-factly. "Rose used to have them. Poor kid was dreaming your space nonsense… well, our space nonsense. All I'm saying is, I'm a light sleeper when I need to be. There."

She pushes a cushion in his chest, and the Doctor sways a little. Wihout missing a beat, his other hand is around Donna's shoulders. Brilliant, rude, kind-hearted Donna Noble. The one who brought him home.

"Thank you," he whispers.

"Good night, Spaceman."

And for the first time in literal ages, he's actually excited to have a boring, ordinary, good night.

[sandcobangevent]

Art by @tsukihasnolife Story by @scoobydoo-ghoulschool Read it on AO3!

INT. WATSON’S ROOM

JOHN Hello, Hello, Hello! It’s Doc Watson here to uh- or just John, John is fine too. Um, but I am here to share another spine chilling case with you lovely listeners. This was a dark one folks, so be cautious. Warnings for death, a couple of those, uh parental abuse, some light usage of the S word, and one inflammatory F bomb by yours truly. If none of that is enough to scare you off, well then, good luck and enjoy the adventure of the Speckled Band.

AUDIO CUT

INT. WATSON’S ROOM

Door opens with a bang.

SHERLOCK Your presence is required in the living room.

John gasps awake. Sherlock removes John’s bed covers.

JOHN Huh? What?

SHERLOCK We have a client. In the living room. Ms. Hudson informed me at 6:45, I let you sleep an extra half hour but you really must be up now.

John yawns.

JOHN It’s 7:15? And you’re awake?

SHERLOCK (darkly) Like I said, Ms. Hudson woke me.

JOHN Alright, alright, uh- let me just get some trousers on.

Sherlock moves to leave.

JOHN (CONT.) Hold on, is that my microphone?

SHERLOCK I assumed you’d want it.

JOHN (pleasantly surprised) Well, uh, yes, thank you.

SHERLOCK You’re welcome. Now come along, Ms. Hudson is bringing up tea.

Intro music plays

INT. 221B BAKER STREET - LIVING ROOM

John enters the living room, trousers successfully retrieved.

JOHN Hello there. John Watson, nice to meet you.

HELEN (quietly) Helen Stoner.

John takes a seat.

JOHN So you're a fan of the podcast?

HELEN Sorry, what?

JOHN Oh I just- the Sherlock & Co podcast. It’s my, well, part of our business. I assumed that’s how you found us.

HELEN No, uh I found you on Reddit actually. r/Holmes. I read about a case with these missing opals, from the account FarintoshRed. I thought Mr. Holmes might be able to help me too.

SHERLOCK I vaguely remember the name Farintosh, the opal tiara even more. Now Ms. Stoner what is it that brings you all the way from Surrey this early in the morning?

HELEN I- Did someone tell you I was coming?

SHERLOCK The return ticket is sticking out of your purse.

HELEN (nervously) Oh, right.

Mariana enters the room.

MARIANA I have several cups of very caffeinated tea and a couple of day-old scones. They're only half rock hard.

JOHN Ah, Mariana, you're an angel.

SHERLOCK Yes, thank you. Although I’d prefer something a little stronger than caffeine…

JOHN Not this early in the morning, please. I’d at least like to keep the substance abuse to an afternoon activity.

MARIANA (to Helen) You can just ignore them.

HELEN Um, thanks.

SHERLOCK So early train, and by the mud on your coat, a taxi before with an unexpected rain shower. A little dangerous to be out by yourself before the sun's up. I assume you took this trip without permission?

MARIANA (whispered to Sherlock) Sherlock, that's a little patronizing.

SHERLOCK It would be if our client wasn’t a teenager.

JOHN (also whispered to Sherlock) Mate she’s got grey hair.

HELEN No he’s right, I’m 17.

JOHN Oh! I’m- God, sorry I just didn’t. Blimey.

HELEN I get that sort of reaction a lot. The hair’s genetic or something. My sister had it too. But that’s sort of why I’ve come. Not because of my hair but um… My 18th birthday’s in a couple weeks and… I think maybe I might be dead before then.

MARIANA (tentatively) And… why do you think that?

HELEN Because it happened to my sister, 2 years ago.

Pause.

HELEN (CONT.) I live with my step father, Greg Roylott, uh in this old family estate of his, Stoke Moran. My mum married him when my sister and I were both two. And you know, everything was fine, we were a totally normal family, but when my mum died, when we were about eight, uh, well Greg got really depressed. We were all torn up about it, but he… he could get really, really angry. The last couple of years my sister and I had to get him out of a lot of bad situations. Julia- my sister, she had a really hard time with it. Kids at school could get pretty nasty about it all, and I mean everyone in our village talks. It was a lot, still is a lot. But she decided, two years ago, that she'd had enough. She snuck off one night to stay with one of my mum's old friends, Honoria Westphail, for a couple of weeks.

SHERLOCK And you stayed?

HELEN Greg is- he's the only father I've ever known. I thought you know- everyone deals with grief differently, if I just gave him enough time... He never touched me or Julia.

SHERLOCK But Julia ran away.

HELEN Yeah, and not just. Ms. Westphail was helping her file for emancipation. We were both 15, and she didn't even have a bank account yet, but she wanted to get as far away from Greg as possible. She needed the money from our mother's inheritance.

SHERLOCK Which neither of you receive until your 18th birthday.

JOHN Or you're legally declared independent.

HELEN Right. But then Greg, he, well he reached out to Julia, said he wanted to make amends, that he'd been talking with people, trying to get better. I thought he was telling the truth, I mean at that point it had been weeks since he'd gotten into a fight in town, or come home drunk from the pub.

Helen pauses.

HELEN (CONT.) (voice choked) I convinced Julia to come back when he asked her over for dinner.

MARIANA If you want to take a moment-

Helen sniffs.

HELEN No it's- I can keep going. Dinner went fine, I mean Julia and Greg were never the closest, but you could tell he was trying. He didn't even bring up the whole emancipation dealings. We all went to bed around the same time, but Julia had come into my room complaining of a headache pretty soon after that. Greg likes smoking these Indian cigars before bed, and Julia and his rooms have connected ventilation, and she, uh, was always sensitive to smells like that. I didn’t mind the company, there was this awful storm going on outside, and in a house as old as ours, it gets kind of spooky.

JOHN Old manor house on a dark and stormy night? I bet.

HELEN Exactly. And um, Julie only stayed for a bit but- she asked me if I'd heard any whistling at night while she’d been gone. Like a tea kettle going off, I remember her describing it. It was such a weird question, and I know I hadn't heard anything like it before, but like I said the house is really old, and we don't have the money for many repairs. I just told her it had to be some drafty part of the house. I don’t think she actually ever believed me… and then uh, that's when she went back to her room. I watched her lock her door.

SHERLOCK Did you both routinely lock your doors at night?

HELEN Yeah, force of habit I guess. When we were younger we were always scared the Cheetah or Baboon would escape in the middle of the night.

Weighted Pause.

JOHN Er- Cheetah and Baboon?

HELEN Sorry, yeah, Greg's dad, back in the 80's was mad obsessed with India I guess? He lived there for a while, and he decided to like- make an attraction of the old Manor. There used to be a pretty massive menagerie of Indian wildlife attached to the house. Honestly it's why Greg had no money coming into the marriage with my mum. His dad spent it all. These days all that's left are the Cheetah and Baboon. Just one more reason for people to talk, you know?

MARIANA I can imagine...

SHERLOCK So the door was locked.

Helen takes a deep breath.

HELEN I woke up to her screaming. It was- I've never heard anything like that scream. Then there it was, a whistle, like a tea kettle, and uh then this large metal clang, and it shocked me enough I was able to get myself out of bed.

SHERLOCK The locked door-?

HELEN She was able to open it herself. That’s how I found her, the door opened before I got to it. She was- her eyes were bulging, and I could- I could see the veins in her forehead. The storm had knocked out the power by then but she was holding her phone flashlight. I- I caught her there, in the hallway. She fell into my arms and I could tell she couldn’t breath, she couldn’t- but she managed to tell me “Helen! It was the band! The speckled band!” That’s how Greg found us, I don’t remember much after. I think he tried to do CPR, and I called 999… She was dead before they got there.

MARIANA (very sincerely) I am so sorry.

Helen continues as if she hasn’t heard.

HELEN I was… shell shocked. Everyone was pointing fingers at our step-dad, and even then I couldn’t, I couldn’t really believe. The windows of her room are barred, the fireplace was bricked up, the door was locked. There’s nothing he could have done to her.

JOHN The coroner couldn’t find anything? No foul play, no poison in her system?

HELEN I know they did a thorough search, like I said everyone was sure Greg had something to do with it. There wasn’t anything. Eventually they marked it down as a “cerebral embolism”.

Helen gives a very sharp laugh

HELEN (CONT.) She was 15!

Heavy pause. Helen collects herself.

SHERLOCK This all happened two years ago, you’ve had time to doubt him, to look for help elsewhere- but something changed recently. Ms. Stoner, what happened?

HELEN Last week, Greg said that- there was some work around my room that needed to be done. Structural stuff that needed to be fixed. He moved me into Julia’s bedroom and- (Helen takes a shuddering breath) I heard the whistle. Last night, Mr. Holmes, I heard the whistle again.

AUDIO CUT

Interlude music plays briefly.

INT. 221A BAKER STREET - MARIANA’S OFFICE

MARIANA I’ll make sure she gets to the train station alright. I have a bad feeling about leaving her alone.

JOHN Thank you, Mariana… God I can’t- doesn’t this feel a little wrong? That we’re her last line of defense I mean?

MARIANA I suppose, it is frustrating that it’s taken all this for something to be done. But there’s no one I trust more than Sherlock to help her. She only has us, but at least it’s us.

JOHN Right. No you’re right.

Pause.

MARIANA I’ll see you in a bit.

JOHN Be safe.

The front door to 221 Baker Street opens. The sounds of the street filter in. The door closes and it is quiet once more.

JOHN (to the listeners) So, we’ve taken the case. Obviously. There’s still a part of me that can’t quite believe it, but well- it was hard to say anything but yes.

John enters the flat.

INT. 221B BAKER STREET - LIVING ROOM

JOHN I’ve got us train tickets leaving in an hour. You better start packing.

SHERLOCK I’ve already finished. I’ve got noise canceling headphones, my pistol and my toothbrush.

JOHN (john laughs) Ah, planning on shooting your mouth off then?

SHERLOCK (baffled) What? No, of course not.

JOHN No its- it’s a joke from M*A*S*H. Ya know- Frank took his gun and his toothbrush, there he goes shooting his mouth off again… I’m realizing, suddenly, this was one of my more obscure references so I am… going to stop.

SHERLOCK Good.

Pause. John takes a deep breath in.

JOHN You don't think we're being pranked do you? I mean, that was all- a little mad. I mean the Cheetah and Baboon detail? It sounds like something that would go viral on TikTok.

SHERLOCK You’re only saying that because she’s 17. It was the truth, every detail of it, there's no doubt in my mind. Besides, the Indian menagerie in Surrey is about the easiest detail to corroborate, here look.

Sherlock hands over his phone.

JOHN “They Bought a Zoo Before it was Cool: the sordid tale of Surrey’s oldest family and their lost fortune” Jeeze, okay. So not a TikTok prank then.

John sighs.

JOHN (CONT.) Maybe I just don't want to imagine someone willing to kill a 15 year old girl. I mean… why?

SHERLOCK Why else Watson? Money. In both instances, Julia’s emancipation, and Helen’s 18th birthday, he loses the money from their mother’s inheritance.

Pause.

JOHN You don't think Helen was lying about Roylott not... not hitting them do you?

SHERLOCK (carefully) No, she was telling the truth there too, I assume that would leave too much evidence for the courts. There are other ways to keep someone under control...

JOHN Well Roylott better hope we don't meet up with him anytime soon, I swear I see his face and it's one, two lights out.

SHERLOCK You may be getting that wish sooner than later.

JOHN What do you mean?

SHERLOCK Greg Roylott is on our front stoop-

The downstairs door slams open. Muffled yelling. Heavy footsteps.

JOHN Oh God, I forgot to lock it when Mariana left.

SHERLOCK (harshly) Get back from the door. The heavy footsteps approach faster.

JOHN Well this one is locked- The door to 221B is thrown open with a crash.

JOHN Shit!

DR. ROYLOTT Where is she? Where the Hell is my daughter?!

JOHN Sir you can't just barge in here-!

DR. ROYLOTT Which one of you is Holmes?

SHERLOCK That would be me, but I'm afraid you have the advantage, I don't know you.

DR. ROYLOTT Dr. Gregory Roylott, as if you don't know you slippery bastard.

SHERLOCK Of course Doctor, please have a seat. We were just finishing our morning tea.

DR. ROYLOTT I'm not here for tea, my step-daughter's been here. I tracked her phone so don't try and lie Holmes. She was here not 4 minutes ago.

JOHN Now hold on-

SHERLOCK You know, it is a little cold for this time of the year.

JOHN (under his breath) What?

DR. ROYLOTT What's she said to you?!

SHERLOCK But I have heard we'll be getting an early spring, the crocuses are close to blooming. I have a feeling it's going to be quite lovely.

DR. ROYLOTT Oh come off it, I know what you’re doing! I looked you up online, you're a couple of con artists looking to make a buck off my girl, huh? Put her on your bloody podcast right? She's 17, what are two men of your age doing letting her into your flat? I could have the police-

Sherlock laughs. It goes on longer than it should.

SHERLOCK Your conversational skills are entertaining, when you leave, mind closing the door. Like I said, it is cold for this time of the year.

Pause. Dr. Roylott chuckles darkly.

DR. ROYLOTT Alright, have it your way. But hear this, stay away from my girl, I'm a man of means, I wouldn't take my threats lightly gentleman.

Dr. Roylott turns to leave.

JOHN (very sarcastically) Great meeting you Mr. Roylott.

DR. ROYLOTT It’s Dr. Roylott to you.

JOHN Yeah well, it’s Dr. Watson to you, you pratt.

Dr. Roylott leaves. The door is slammed with tremendous force.

John lets out a very relieved sigh.

Sherlock laughs again.

SHERLOCK Fine fellow, we’ll have to have him round again.

JOHN (not paying attention) I think he broke the door hinges!

SHERLOCK I suppose it’s best it didn’t come to anything physical, but I’m fairly certain I could have taken him. He lagged slightly to the right.

JOHN (still not paying attention) He definitely broke the door.

SHERLOCK Grab your stuff Watson, I think it’s time we were on our way as well.

JOHN You know I’ll have to call Mariana about this.

AUDIO CUT

INT. LONDON WATERLOO TRAIN STATION

The noises of a busy train station. The intermingling of engines, voices, and footsteps.

JOHN Yeah, I know- clear off the hinges. Forced the lock through the door frame- (pause) Alright. Thanks Mariana. Yep. Yeah. Talk soon, bye. (to Sherlock) The whole door’s gonna have to be replaced, can you believe that?

SHERLOCK Yes, I think you’ve mentioned it once or twice now.

JOHN Sorry, I’m just coming to the realization I live in a world where a man can literally break down my door in one go.

John sighs. A distant intercom plays.

JOHN (NARRATING) I suppose now is as good a time as any for some shout outs. I’m still new to Tumblr but the community on there has been nothing but supportive, so I’ve some awesome people I’d like to mention from there. So special hello to @tsukihasnolife who I’ve already commissioned to do some incredible art for this episode. We’ve also got @eardefenders, @starfruitsomething and @littleoceanbabe who I hear are all working hard on a flash bang for other fans of Sherlock & Co. Not sure what a flash bang is, but I appreciate the publicity and support! And lets see maybe some people from Twitter or er X now-

SHERLOCK Watson the train.

JOHN Oh God, yeah. Uh, bye! Thanks again.

AUDIO CUT

INT. UBER

The car drives alone on the road, engine humming softly.

JOHN We are back in Surrey listeners, you may remember the last time we were here was for the case of the Solitary Cyclist. (to Sherlock) You know maybe we should check in with Violet-

SHERLOCK I sincerely doubt Ms. Carruthers would enjoy seeing us Waston. We were at least slightly culpable in her brother's outburst.

JOHN (muttered) I wasn't the one with the gun. (John coughs) But Uh- yeah, yeah that's probably for the best.

DRIVER So where are you guys headed exactly?

SHERLOCK (in his just-one-of-the-mates voice) Stoke Moran, I've heard it's a real piece of work.

DRIVER Yeah, the place should be demolished if you ask me, it’s a death trap.

SHERLOCK Well that's why we're here, come to make a couple of estimates for the bloke who lives up there.

DRIVER Fair warning mate, lots of contractors have been through there. The Doctor, Roylott, he doesn't have the money to pay.

SHERLOCK Really? Big family estate like that with no money?

JOHN Sherlock, look-

SHERLOCK Sorry, would you mind stopping here?

DRIVER We're still a mile out-

JOHN We like the fresh air, thanks for the ride. Uh- five stars!

John and Sherlock exit the car. The car drives off.

EXT. THE GROUNDS OF STOKE MORAN

JOHN That is Helen over there isn't it?

SHERLOCK (in his normal voice) Yes. Probably best we catch her here, I don't want to get too close to the house until we're sure the good Doctor is nowhere near. (voice raised) Ms. Stoner!

Sherlock and John walk to catch up with Helen. Helen approaches, slightly out of breath.

HELEN Hi. I was hoping I’d catch your car on the way in.

SHERLOCK We had a visit with your step-father this morning, just after you left.

HELEN (taken off guard) What but I- he’s barely ever up by 11, and no one would have told him-

SHERLOCK You’re phone Ms. Stoner, I’m afraid he’s been tracking your phone. I would suggest checking your settings for the parental controls he installed without your knowledge.

HELEN If he knows that I- that I came to you-

SHERLOCK If he makes any motion to harm you Ms. Stoner we will personally escort you to Ms. Westphail’s house tonight. But I doubt with the way things are turning out he will try anything that obvious.

JOHN Like busting down a door.

HELEN What?!

Sherlock clears his throat pointedly.

SHERLOCK We’re getting ourselves a room at the village Inn, we have no intention of leaving you alone. Now Ms. Stoner is it possible we could enter the house undetected? I would very much like to see your sister and Dr. Roylott’s rooms.

HELEN Yeah, yeah I can manage that. He had work in London today, I thought- anyway he won’t be back till this evening.

SHERLOCK Lead the way Ms. Stoner

AUDIO CUT

EXT. STOKE MORAN

JOHN (out of breath) We are just now approaching the manor. It's uh- it really is something to see. Which since you can't see listeners, you'll have to take my word for it. Stoke Moran is uh grey, and big. Uh- I can do better than that, hold on. It's... lichen-blotched stone, with a high central portion and two curving wings, like the... claws of a crab. Sort of. Like if a crab had its pincers raised, you know? The left crab claw has broken windows blocked with wooden boards, and the roof is partly caved in, a uh picture of ruin. The middle bit- the body I guess? It’s in okay shape, it’s got some large observation windows near the ground floor. The right-claw looks to be the only section of the house that's still livable. Pretty modern, at least it's got blinds in the windows, and appears to be standing on its own.

HELEN What’s he doing?

SHERLOCK Narrating. He does it when he’s nervous.

JOHN I do it because a podcast is an auditory experience. Can’t exactly wave a camera around to show them- hold on, what’s this over here?

HELEN Oh I wouldn’t-

An animal screeches, a mammal howl, and it slams itself into its glass walled enclosure.

John screams.

The microphone falls. Helen and Sherlock break out into surprised laughter.

HELEN (through laughter) That's the menagerie. Sorry.

The Baboon calls out softly through the glass. There's rustling as John quickly retrieves the microphone.

Sherlock and Helen continue to laugh.

JOHN Seriously, how is this even legal?

AUDIO CUT

INT. STOKE MORAN MANOR - JULIA'S ROOM

A door creaks open slowly. Helen, Sherlock and John enter the room, footsteps echoing loudly.

HELEN So this is- this is Julia’s room. Mine’s just next door to the right, and then to the left is Greg’s room.

SHERLOCK And this is where you’re currently staying because of the restoration work?

HELEN Yes.

Sherlock walks around the room.

SHERLOCK These bed drapes- were they Julia’s?

HELEN Uh- no. No they weren’t really her taste. I think Greg had them put up when she was living with Ms. Westphail.

JOHN (darkly) He seems to have a habit of making living decisions for you.

Sherlock steps up onto the bed, bed springs squeal.

JOHN (CONT.) (pained) Sherlock, your shoes on the bed-

SHERLOCK (ignoring John) This ventilator, right above the bed, does it work?

HELEN Oh that, no, at least not since I’ve moved in. It’s completely freezing here at night.

SHERLOCK Interesting for such a recent refurbishment. Do you remember when this was installed?

HELEN Uh- it- it actually may have been around the same time as Greg hung the bed drapes. When Julia was gone.

Sherlock jumps down from the bed.

SHERLOCK I think I’ve seen enough here. Would you mind leading us to your step-father’s room?

HELEN Sure, like I said, It’s right next door.

Helen, Sherlock and John leave the room.

INT. STOKE MORAN MANOR - DR. ROYLOTT’S ROOM

The door to Roylott’s room opens. John gives a low whistle.

JOHN Well. This is- something.

HELEN Yeah, it’s a lot. Mostly stuff he inherited from his dad.

JOHN For our listeners, the Doctor has, well lots of… collectables lets say, I am presuming from India. Almost every wall and shelf is covered in Hindu icon paintings and sculptures.

SHERLOCK Murtis, not icons. They’re meant to be used in homes and temples for worship. Not... as collectables.

JOHN Yeah, so- it’s extremely distasteful. Not like I needed another reason to dislike this guy. Besides all of the uh- memorabilia in the Doctor’s room, there’s this massive safe- and uh, a bowl of milk is set on top. Helen, do you happen to have a cat around here?

HELEN (pause) No. I’m allergic.

JOHN Could be for the Cheetah, maybe?

SHERLOCK Perhaps… Helen, is it your step father that deals with the animals?

HELEN Er, not really. He feeds em, but he stays out of their enclosures. Honestly he doesn’t pay much attention to them these days. He’s got a vet who comes to see them every couple months or so- but she comes by with her own equipment.

Sherlock moves further into the room.

SHERLOCK Have you ever seen him use this?

HELEN No. What is that?

SHERLOCK It’s a catch pole. Normally these are used by professionals in animal control.

HELEN Right- well maybe the vet left it behind last time she was here?

Pause.

SHERLOCK Possibly… Well Ms. Stoner, I have seen what I’ve needed.

HELEN Well, do you know how it happened? How he did it?

SHERLOCK I can’t answer that quite yet. But we will be back tonight. Your old room, you can still comfortably sleep there at the moment?

HELEN (guardedly) I could…

SHERLOCK Good. Tonight, when your step-father falls asleep, shine a light through your bedroom window, and then leave to sleep there. Watson and I will be spending the night in your place. We will see for ourselves what plans he had for you.

AUDIO CUT

Musical interlude.

INT. SURREY INN - JOHN AND SHERLOCK’S ROOM

The room is quiet. John taps absentmindedly at the microphone. It is super annoying.

SHERLOCK You have a question?

JOHN No. Nope, just… thinking.

SHERLOCK (begrudgingly) I’m not certain what it is.

JOHN But you have a pretty good idea.

SHERLOCK I’ve been wrong before.

JOHN (skeptical) Rarely. If ever.

SHERLOCK You have theories I’m sure.

JOHN Not- not really. The new heating vent that doesn't work… that’s unusual, and purposeful. I thought maybe a nerve gas agent-

Sherlock makes a quiet noise of dissent.

JOHN But- I know that makes no sense, so I’ve got nothing. And then there's the whole issue of the speckled band... a clothing item, a poison...

SHERLOCK You’re picking up on the important details.

JOHN So are you going to share with the class what's actually going on?

SHERLOCK We’ll see tonight. Or we won’t.

JOHN (joking) I see how it is, plausible deniability. Can’t be wrong if you don’t say it out loud.

SHERLOCK John.

JOHN Yes?

SHERLOCK I think you should get some sleep before tonight.

JOHN Right, yeah. (pause) You’re not wrong though, whatever you're thinking, I know you’re not wrong.

Pause.

JOHN (CONT.) Goodnight.

Pause. John settles into bed.

SHERLOCK Thank you.

AUDIO CUT

Musical interlude

SHERLOCK Watson. Wake up, Ms. Stoner has given us the signal.

John shifts in bed. He yawns.

JOHN I really hope this isn’t a habit you're developing. Waking me up in the early hours of the morning I mean.

SHERLOCK Come along, Watson, no time to dawdle.

JOHN Dawdle. Funny word, dawdle. Dawdle. dawdle... and now it just sounds fake. (pause) Hang on… where did you get a cane?

AUDIO CUT

EXT. STOKE MORAN

JOHN (out of breath) We are back on the grounds of Stoke Moran, making our way up to the house. And- I am really wishing we could pick cases that didn’t require so much walking in the dark.

SHERLOCK We’re close to the door Helen said she’d leave open for us. Keep quiet, and keep your flashlight down.

JOHN Yep. Yep got it. Uh- aren’t we also close by to the-

Something thumps against the glass wall. Sherlock yelps.

The Baboon gives a howling laugh, tearing away from the window.

Sherlock takes in several gasping breaths. John snickers.

JOHN See? Not so funny when it’s you, the Baboon jumps.

SHERLOCK No. Comment.

John laughs quietly. He moves forward.

JOHN The doors over here by the way.

AUDIO CUT

INT. STOKE MORAN MANOR - JULIA’S ROOM

JOHN So we took a back entrance that Helen showed us early today. We have safely made it into Julia’s old room. So… now we just wait and listen for a whistle I guess.

SHERLOCK I’ll take the bed, under the vent. For your safety, the rocking chair in the corner is best.

JOHN You just don’t want me to accidentally fall asleep on a stake out again.

SHERLOCK (whispered) It is imperative we stay as quiet as possible now.

JOHN (whispered back) Of course.

SHERLOCK Which means we’ll be sitting in silence for a good portion of the night.

JOHN Yeah mate, I know how quiet works.

SHERLOCK I thought a warning might be nice.

JOHN Well, thanks, I appreciate that. (to himself and the microphone) Of all the things he chooses to warn me about and- oh Christ, the listeners, right-

AUDIO CUT

JOHN (whispered) It is… currently four in the morning. We haven’t heard a peep. I don’t know if we scared Roylott off today, or threw him off his game, but I don’t know if it’s happening tonight.

SHERLOCK Watson.

JOHN What? Did you hear something?

SHERLOCK No.

JOHN Alright. Yeah, quiet. I can do quiet.

SHERLOCK Watson...

JOHN Sorry yeah-

SHERLOCK No, listen!

A high pitched whistle blows softly from above.

SHERLOCK Stay back.

JOHN Hold on, let me get my camera light on, I can’t see.

SHERLOCK No, John the vent is opening!

A large CLANG as Sherlock’s cane hits the vent. A hiss, something slithers back through the vent away from them.

Dr. Roylott SCREAMS from the other room.

JOHN (panicked) What on Earth was that?

SHERLOCK We’ll need the light Watson, hurry.

INT. STOKE MORAN - DR. ROYLOTT’S ROOM

Rushed footsteps. A door bursts open.

Roylott moans.

JOHN Fuck! Is that-?

DR. ROYLOTT (strained and slightly slurred) Get it off me!

JOHN A snake, the speckled band was a snake?!

SHERLOCK Hand me the catch pole. By his leg, there!

JOHN Right-

John moves, he grabs the catch pole. Sherlock takes the pole. The snake hisses, Roylott blubbers in panic and pain.

SHERLOCK The safe, open the door to the safe!

JOHN The- oh! There’s a whole terrarium in there.

The snake hisses again. Louder.

SHERLOCK Watson!

JOHN Got it!

The safe is forced open more. Sherlock places the angered snake inside. John closes the safe with a loud METALLIC CLANG.

John gives a sigh of relief. Roylott moans again, and then tumbles to the floor.

DR. ROYLOTT (gasping) It’s- Swamp Adder- the venom- it bit me.

JOHN Oh God, right, okay, just, hold on- Dr. Roylott, I need you to stay calm. (to Sherlock) Call emergency services! He’s going into anaphylactic shock, I can’t-

SHERLOCK (seriously) They won’t have the anti-venom.

JOHN Just call! I don’t- Maybe I can do another tracheotomy, there’s got to be a pen around here, maybe a letter opener.

John stands. He looks frantically for tools to help.

SHERLOCK John-

JOHN I’m thinking!

SHERLOCK John!

JOHN What?!

SHERLOCK He’s dead.

JOHN But he- (pause) His pulse stopped.

SHERLOCK I’ll call now.

JOHN Um- yeah. Okay. (pause) I’ll- I’ll go get Helen. I’ll see if we can get a hold of Ms. Westphail.

Tense pause.

SHERLOCK He did it to himself, John. He did this to Julia, and he was going to do it to Helen.

JOHN (strained) You’re right, yeah. (John sniffs) I’ll go get Helen.

John leaves, the door closes softly behind him.

AUDIO CUT

Musical interlude.

INT. JOHN’S ROOM

JOHN Well folks, that is the end of the case. Say au revoir to the speckled band, which is now, along with the Cheetah and Baboon being safely handled by some animal conservationist group. Apparently cheetahs are a very endangered species so, Roylott was definitely keeping that illegally. Um, as for Helen, she is now happily settled with her aunt. Obviously, this was a bit of a shock for her but… she’s, she’s in a better place now thank God. And Roylott, well you all know how he ended up. I don’t uh- I don't have much else to say other than that. The Swamp Adder venom really-

The door to the bedroom opens. Sherlock walks in.

SHERLOCK Oh, you’re not done yet.

JOHN Nope, just doing the wrap up.

SHERLOCK Do you mind?

JOHN No, come on in. I was just talking about the Swamp Adder.

Pause.

SHERLOCK You know... there’s no such thing.

JOHN What?

SHERLOCK He misidentified the snake, there’s no such thing as a Swamp Adder.

JOHN But we saw it-

SHERLOCK We saw an Indian Saw-Scaled viper, Echis Carinatus if you want to be technical, and while extremely venomous, it is by no means the most venomous snake in India. That would be the Common Krait.

JOHN You know all that, but you couldn’t name one Madonna song last week at the pub?

SHERLOCK Well the next time Madonna gains the ability to inject 12 milligrams of venom into her victims in one bite, then I’ll try my best to remember her discography.

JOHN Right okay, well you heard it here folks, world class detective, violinist, podcast co-host, Sherlock Holmes, can also add snake expert to his list of accomplishments.

SHERLOCK Herpetologist.

JOHN What?

SHERLOCK An expert in reptiles and amphibians, a Herpetologist.

JOHN Okay that- that can’t be real.

AUDIO CUTS. OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS.

END OF PART ONE OF ONE

[sarahwatchesthings]

Running commentary from our "Underwater Menace" watch:

Oh, this is Jamie's first arc after "The Highlanders"! He's so scared and confused! 😅

"Polly, you speak foreign." ...??? Polly speaks every "foreign."

"I've never seen him go for food like this before, it's usually hats!"

"I COULD FEED YOU TO MY PET OCTOPUS, YES?!?"

Two and Zaroff laughing together is terrifying.

1967 Doctor Who does a much better job with its female characters (few though they are) than 1967 Star Trek does with its female characters (few though they are).

Two found a hat!

He found another, sillier hat!!

"the priest and the little doctor"

"Slaves, like worms, can be made to turn."

He found another silly hat!

Ben, walking into a room full of dead guys: "Someone's been having a right punch-up in here!"

Ara is so cute.

Guard: How do I know he's a wanted man?

Ben, holding Two "prisoner": Well, blimey, look at 'im! He ain't normal, is he?

Guard, squinting at Two: Yes, I see what you mean.

Ben: Do you know what you're doing?

Two: Oh, what a question! Of course I don't!!

A++ serial, fun all the way.

[sgiandubh]

Querido diario

Querido diario,

Sometimes, it's not a good idea to close your eyes and let everything go. Yesterday, for example, it wasn't. At all. I saw three people, very oddly assorted. It was like comments on my blog, only live, you know. So, I asked: 'who the fuck are you, the Three Kings? Aren't you supposed to come in January, with candy and gifts and shit?' 'Nah, we're the Three Newbies', said a young woman with a red beanie. 'We're just random, like that. We came because you say all the time your page is for our sake only. So, there's that, see?' 'Oh. What's your name, I can't read it.' 'Rotkäppchen.' 'Huh?' 'Para español, pulse 1. Caperucita Roja.' 'English, loon! I have readers'. 'For English, press 2. You do?' 'Yeah. Many. So, what's the story with the red beanie, woman? Are you a Communist?' 'No, I don't think so. What is a Communist?' That question gave me pause. I didn't know what to answer, so I went with the obvious: 'Doesn't matter. So, you're a Taiter, huh?' 'A what? No, I don't think so.' 'You don't think so? ' 'Uhm... look. I think I've got the wrong address, here. Con permiso.' And then just like that - poof!- she was gone. The second one was really bizarre.

Sorry. Wrong pic.

'Who the hell are you? Sgian-dubh?' 'I ask the questions, here. Who are you?' 'Doesn't matter. But you're Sgian-dubh, right?' 'No, I am not. I am The Caterpillar. Explain yourself: why do you think I am Sgian-dubh?' 'Because you smoke.' 'Blimey. That's not near enough. Very well: you can ask me just one question and I'll give you the truth. But just one, ok?' The truth! This is where I lost it. The truth! 'Ok. Here's my question: are the Three Little Pigs shippers?' 'Why do you ask?' 'Because they're still here and normally, they shouldn't, fuck my life.' 'Keep your temper. Don't scream like that. They are. But I thought you were going to ask about other things. You disappoint me.' 'Whoa, what other things? We know everything, we have all the papers. We don't need a stupid caterpillar to tell us what to think!' 'Who is we?' 'Me and my Evil Twin. What a question! Look, are you a sock account, or what?' 'Now, that's insulting', said The Caterpillar and then just like that -poof!- it was gone. The third one was a blonde guy. Something like that:

'Sam?' 'Huh? Non, je suis le Petit Prince. Uh...Nope, I am the Little Prince.' That guy was a fraud, I am telling you. All you needed was just a good look. 'But you are 6'2''. You are not little!' 'I am 6'3'', thank you for rectifying. If you see me this size, that's your problem, girl.' 'But how come I don't have to press any button for English? You're such a fraud!' 'I am an updated version of your fantasy, that's all.' 'What do you want?' 'All I wanted to say is that you can see things clearly only with your heart.' 'That is soooo gay!' And then, just like that - poof!-, I woke up.

[raz-writes-the-thing]

What do you think of the tenth doctor with a really tall s/o???

Hope you have a nice day:]

Hey hey, cutie!

Have some HCs and also a lovely day

Tenth Doctor x Tall GN!Reader / requests are open

DW: @nyxiethesimp @quickslvxrr @midnight--raine @blueberry-sunshines @stevekempscocktails @go-bonkers-go-foolish @peytonpenguin37 @yeethaw13 @complimentary-breadbasket @thekirbishow @stilestotherescue @madspads @catlynharper@merrilark @jaziona92 (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

The first time he met you- his first words were: "Blimey, you're tall for a human, aren't you?"

He was so tempted to scan you with the sonic to see if you were purebred human or whether there were some kind of alien genes in there.

He's not worried about you being tall at all. He likes it, actually. He's always asking you to grab things that are just out of reach.

"Pass me that doo-hickey, would you? Yup, that's the one. Thanks, lovely."

Be prepared to change all the lightbulbs for the TARDIS, though. He hates that rickety ladder and never wants to use it again if he can help it.

He also likes to be the little spoon sometimes and because you're a fair bit taller than he is- he can just slot right in and feel protected and safe.

Having a really tall s/o also does wonders for him when he's feeling submissive.

If you're being irritating or deliberately trying to annoy him he will call you a "weed" because they grow so tall when left unattended. Ie. "you're such a Weed. You're lucky I'm fond of you."

Sometimes he likes to call you "Stem" as well. Like a tall, proud flower. It sounds odd to anyone else, but it's intended to be affectionate.

[cintsalis]

Severus Snape-Black: 🫤😐

"Potter, why do you love me?"

James Potter:

"I love you because it seemed like you were insecure and tired from trying so hard to be loved. I thought that by giving you all of my love, I could lessen the burden on you."

Severus Snape-Black: 🫤😒

"Should it be a hardship or pity, then I don't want it."

James Potter: 😨🥺😫

Allow me to clarify! I don't mean to sound dreary, but I love you because you're uncomplicated, boring, plain, simple, and nobody would—"

Severus Snape-Black: 😓

“Blimey, the door is right there, you can leave,”

James Potter: 🥺😖😫

"I apologize! Gah, that's not what I meant! I love you because I truly do! Please don't tell me to leave; I can't handle it because being apart from you is suffocating because I love you so much!"

(Gives Severus a hug from behind.)

🫂

Severus Snape-Black: 🤔😒🫤

“Sorry for being plain— and boring and simple and—nobody would—want me, is that what you were going to finish with?”

James Potter: *Shakes Head*

"No, I was going to finish with, 'Nobody would love you the way that I'm loving you.'"

Severus Snape-Black: 😒

“Well then that’s good, at least they won’t annoy me.”

James Potter: 🥺😫😢☹️

“My parents gave me one heart and I gave it all to you!”

Severus Snape-Black: 😓

"You must have a large heart, huh? There's an extensive roster of former girlfriends and a former wife. When you were wooing me, did you even have a heart?

James Potter: 🥺😢

"You're right, I didn't have a heart, it's because when I fall in love, I tend to love someone too much and put a lot of effort into getting them to love me back. It's like I'm forcing them to stay in love with me while keeping all of my suffering to myself. But with you, I never knew that love could be this pure. You put my heart together, Snivelly, my affections for you are deeper than love! I— I super duper wizardly love you,”

Severus Snape-Black: 😓

"You are delusional, James Potter. I warned you that if you squander my time, this relationship will require a down payment, Now I'm going to Gringotts Bank."

James Potter: ☹️♥️🥺

"But I love you in a way that I have never loved anyone else...Am I still not enough?"

😨😫😢

Severus Snape-Black: 🫤

😒💭

“My poor mandrake, ughh” (Turns back and gives James a kiss*) "Do you ever stop talking?"

James Potter: ☹️♥️ "Not if I’m not enough." Severus Snape-Black: 😐😒

“I’m only going to say this once…”

James Potter: ☹️🥺

Severus Snape-Black: 🫤😒😐

“Y—You’re…, I—well, I love…I mean… you’re annoying—enough.”

James Potter: 🥺😨😱

“Say it again! I didn’t quite catch that!”

Severus Snape-Black: 🫤😒

“You’re annoying.”

James Potter: 😱♥️😫

“The other part! ♥️”

Severus Snape-Black: 🙂‍↔️😌

“You’re annoying enough,” 🥰

James Potter: 😨🫤🥺

“I thought I heard that you said that you love—“

Severus Snape-Black: *Kisses him*

James Potter:😨♥️

“I want to hear you say it,”

Severus Snape-Black:♥️

“Why? Do you not feel loved by me?”

James Potter: 😨😱🥰😍

“Is that how you say you love me in Slytherin?”

Severus Snape-Black: 😐🫤😒

💭♥️

"He's so cute! How am I supposed to handle this adorableness without breaking character!? 😣"