#went 24 hours without getting high to test something out

[hummingbirdswords]

.

[stupidlovergirl]

My New Girlfriend In which they get transformed into girls for a period of time Feat. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor Dev Notes: I love girls so much they are so hot hnrghhh I'm sorry if it isn't the best, I wanted to write it but it got a little difficult and wanted to post smthing for you guys. Not edited

The Anti-Lucifer League has come up with their latest plan, turning Lucifer into a woman by the usage of a curse on the jacket he wears daily. As he put on his jacket, the morphing started. After he realized what had happened, there was no stopping it. Lucifer had fully turned into a female for a full 24 hours. Sighing, he, er, she? She went to find Satan and Belphie and scold them for their prank, but it went through one ear and out the other. The rest of the morning went without a problem, as there was no RAD or meeting for her to attend. It wasn’t until you came to have lunch with her was the predicament seen by anyone else but the culprits. 

“Well, well, well… look at my pretty girlfriend doing her paperwork” you spoke, smugness in your voice. Lucifer looked up, anger on her face.

“If you came to taunt, I welcome you to leave before I get angry" she replies, tone sharp and dangerous.

Approaching where she sat behind her test, a smile stretching even further across your cheeks at her glare.

Humming, you softly card your hand through her hair, pulling her head close to her stomach.

"My pretty girlfriend" you whisper, and feel all the tension holding in her body melt away. After all, pretty girls don't need to be so stressed.

Mammon has once again, had a plan backfire intensely on him. Stealing a book that looked like it could get him a pretty Grimm was his downfall. Now, he was processing the extremely feminine figure that he owned. 

"Mammon! I have you seen my- oh, oh"

Whipping around, the two of you just stood, looking at each other. 

"Listen human! Don't look so in disbelief-" Mammon starts on another rant, about how he is so great even as a girl or something. You don't know, as you're trying to process how someone can look so hot as both genders. Some people just get it all, you guess. 

"You're hot" you blurt out, cutting off the never ending rant from the prettiest girl you ever had the pleasure of seeing

"O-oh course I am human!!" she announced loudly, but the high pitch was disguising nothing.

Laughing, you go and wrap your arms around her waist, “My pretty girlfriend. Maybe I should show her off, hmm?” you tease.

“Stop” she whispers quietly, burying her head into the crook of your neck.

“Okay, okay, just for you pretty girl”

You hear her squeak and can’t help but giggle in response.

Levi was going insane. He feels like the main character of “Help! I Constantly Am Getting Cursed and it Keeps Causing Problems!” where in the one episode that he too, was turned into a girl with no clue on how it happened and how to change back. Gah! He has too much anime to watch and in this new physical form everything feels-

“Levi!! Look at this new two player game I got usss…” you trail off, looking at the cute girl who used to be your cute boyfriend. 

“Like the new form, what caused you to try this one out cutie” you say with a wink.

“Stop with your normie tactics! I didn’t try this out, it suddenly happened” she says, stanced like she was going to fight you.

“I’m not complaining,” is all you say, making it obvious that you were checking her out.

“StOP!”her voice cracks, hiding her face in her hands.

“Cute girls should be looked at Levi, you of all people should know that!” you say, walking closer and pulling her hands away from her face. She squeaks loudly, and attempts to run away. You know her tactics at this point and prevent her from running by wrapping your arm around her waist a pulling her close

“Going somewhere baby?”

“STOP IT NORMIE”

Preparing a curse that he was going to use on Lucifer has ended in ruin, and now Satan is looking at himself, but it is, well, different. At least he knows if he learns to cast it will be good to use. His hair is longer, and his chest is obviously heavier. Next time you ask for a back massage, he will indulge you, it must be hard to have to deal with them all the time. As he continues looking at himself in a more feminine form, she never hears you open the door.

“It’s nice to know you realize how pretty you look like this, darling”

Satan jumps, and turns to see you, looking at her from the doorway.

“It is new is all,” she replies while turning away, “I just wanted to make sure that the curse worked is all”

“It worked quite well if you asked me” you reply, coming closer and wrapping your hands around her waist. You hear her quietly huff, but in the mirror you see her smile. 

“You look pretty,” you whisper into her shoulder

“Thank you, love, you look magnificent yourself” you smile at her reply. Using your hands, you pull her to turn to you. She indulges you, and finally you get to see her really pretty face even closer. You smile, pulling her down for a kiss that she easily indulges in. 

Asmo doesn’t know what happened, and honestly doesn’t care. He was too wrapped up in looking at this cute new form. He did shoot you a text that he had a surprise for you. She was holding different clothes up to her new body, seeing what would look better on her.

“Asmo? What’s up?” you ask as you walk into the 5th born’s room.

“Honey! Which one do you think looks better”, you him- no, her, ask you. You look, mouth agape as you look at the pretty woman in front of you

“I, you, Asmo, what??” you say, trying to make a connection of how your boyfriend has now turned into your girlfriend. 

“Don’t I look cute?” Asmo says, striking a pose for you.

“Adorable as always babe, but what happened?” you ask, walking towards her.

“I dunno! I just went with it though” she replies, turning back to the mirror, “Now, which one?”

“I like the first one” you reply, sitting down on the bed. 

“Hmm, I do too,” she says. She sets the outfit down, and approaches you.

“You never said if you liked the surprise” she pouts, running her hands across your shoulders.

“I love anything when it comes to you” you reply, smiling up at her. She hums, happy with your response. She leans down and kisses you. Softly cupping your cheek and slightly nipping at your lip. She pulls away all too soon, leaving you breathless. 

“You’re so cute” is all she says as she goes in for another kiss. 

Beel is confused. He doesn’t understand what happened, at one point he was just eating some food, next he felt his body was different, changing. Turns out the cake he ate was cursed to turn anyone brave enough to eat it into a girl. He just shrugged it off and went about his day. It wasn’t until he saw you did he really remember what happened

“Beel! You look so cute” you gushed, and Beel blushed. “Cute girl, pretty girl” you coo up at her.

“Do you think I really look that good?” she asks, blushing a bright red.

“Of course baby! I think you’d look good no matter what you were!” you said, nuzzling into her stomach. She giggles, smiling at you. Pulling away, you look up at her with adoration. 

“Kiss?” and Beel indulges you, bending down and placing your lips together. Your both smiling a little bit, and as you pull away from each other, your grin widens. “Another!” you demand, and once again she indulges you. She bends down and cups your face and places her lips against your again. You pull her in even closer, leaning closer together. This one is longer than the first, and when you both pull away your breathless. 

“Thank you” you say, “Nothing beats a kiss from someone so cute” you reply with a wink. She just smiles down at you.

“Well, let’s go get something to eat, baby” is all you say, laughing at the excitement in her eyes.

Belphie wakes up from a nap with you a feels a little different. Letting out a soft grunt, he turns towards you

“Wake up” he says, shaking you, but he realizes his voice sounds different. “Mmprh, Belphie what is it?” you say, opening your eyes. Then, they open wider. 

“Belphie, holy shit”

“What?”

“You’re a girl!” you say, tiredness and amusement are in your voice, “A very pretty, pretty girl” you tag on smiling at her. 

“Ugh, the thought of it makes me tired” she replies, turning back around.

“Hey!” you reply with a giggle, “C’mon! Let me look at you more!” 

Turning her onto her back, you move to sit on top of her thighs. You place a quick kiss onto her forehead, and the ends of her mouth quirk up.

“What do you think happened? Did you make someone mad or something?”

“Dunno, don’t care” is all she replies. You smile, leaning down to place a quick kiss on top of her closed eyes.

“Stop that” she says, opening her eyes with a glare. 

“Make me, brat” you reply with a smugness in your voice. Belphie huffs, and closes her eyes. While you take the time to admire her face. You always thought Belphie looked cute sleeping, but right now she looks like Sleeping Beauty, and it makes you think of all the stories you heard as a child.

“A princess, cursed to sleep forever, will be awakened by a kiss from her true love!” you say, flourish in your voice as you lean down and place a kiss onto her lips. Belphie reciprocates immediately, and flips the two of you in the middle of it. When you pull away, she is hovering above you.

“You’re annoying, did you know that?” she says, but it’s obvious that she is not upset at all

“You can’t expect me to leave you around when you look so pretty”

“Then you’ll pay for it” is all she says before bites you.

“Hey! Ow!” “You’ll regret waking up this ‘princess’,”

Good luck

[slytherinshua]

AGENT XU genre ➳ fluff. assassin au. warnings ➳ brief fighting. mention of injury and blood. weapons mention. pairing ➳ assassin!minghao x fem!reader. wc ➳ 2.1k. a/n ➳ from this request!

Working alongside Minghao was great about 99% of the time. Missions usually went smoothly since you two worked extremely well together. Well, you used to. Recently, Minghao had grown extra fond of flirting on the job, distracting both of you in the process and allowing your targets to get the upper hand.

You were going to try to talk to him about it today, but there was one problem. You couldn’t find him. You had already looked around the whole building (including the roof and basement) twice. You had gone to your favourite meetup spot, his favourite ice cream shop, and even the park where you had first met. But he was nowhere to be found.

You wondered if he was on a mission and hadn’t told you, but that would be strange as well. Neither of you had gone on a solo mission in years. Everyone at the agency knew you two worked too well together that it would be a waste to send either of you solo.

You decided to ask Jun about it. Maybe he had an insight that you didn’t.

“Hey, have you seen Minghao?” You asked the tall blond man that was currently sorting case files.

“Nope, I haven’t seen your husband.” He responded blankly.

You rolled your eyes, “He’s not my husband.”

“I’d give him a couple weeks, maybe a few days… or hours.” Jun commented, shifting a file into its proper place and ignoring how your expression grew more annoyed by the second. If he hadn’t known you for as long as he had, he wouldn’t have the courage to test your patience with teasing. All the newbies learned to be afraid of you as soon as they were victim to your infamous glare. Jun on the other hand, thought your grumpy face was the funniest thing in the world. Even if you ended up punching him for it, he wouldn’t stop. He was annoying but lovable.

You weren’t going to punch him today, though. You were too preoccupied with finding Minghao for that. Being much more concerned with the whereabouts of your boyfriend, you ignored the teasing remarks Jun threw at you over your marital status. 

You were starting to get worried. Minghao told you everything. He was always talking to you about his plans and scheduling so that you could spend more time together. It wasn’t like him to ghost you for more than 24 hours, whether it was intentional or not.

You suspected this was happening without Minghao’s consent, whatever was keeping him away from you. If you were a normal couple, you would’ve just waited in his room until he returned, but you and Minghao were not normal. You were assassins, and it was quite possible that Minghao was in a dangerous situation the longer you lingered at base.

You gathered your gear and headed out. You were an excellent tracker, so it wouldn’t take you too long to get to wherever he was. You picked up his trail almost immediately, following his traces North until you arrived at an old abandoned building.

Though it was still afternoon, the sky seemed dark and gloomy around this part of the city. There were no cars except a scuffed up black truck that looked like it was older than you were. You gripped your knife a bit tighter and crept inside, following the sound of voices. You picked up on the muffled conversation that they were having, identifying Minghao’s voice almost instantaneously. 

“You said he stopped tracking me three years ago.”

“I know, I know- I thought he did! Who disappears from existence for that long?”

“If he’s tracking me currently, it’s on you.”

“I understand, Myungho. I thought this whole situation was covered. He swore he had handled it.”

At this point, you could peek through an opening into the room. You saw your boyfriend run a hand through his hair, stressed over something. The man he was talking to looked scared, his eyebrows had fallen and he was searching through his high-tech watch for some information. You could tell just by your boyfriend’s body language that he was losing patience.

“This is why you never let someone else handle the job.” He muttered and turned away, “I’m taking a week off. Don’t call me unless it’s an emergency, Chan.”

“Understood. Good luck!” Chan encouraged. Minghao turned around, raising an eyebrow. “You know, with proposing and all.” The other man gave a friendly smiley and Minghao nodded.

You turned back, wondering if you had heard it right. Proposal? Was Minghao planning to propose to you? Did Jun already know? Is that why he was teasing you?

You snapped out of your thoughts, realising Minghao had already left the building. It would be weird if you weren’t back at base by the time he arrived, so you slipped out as well.

You couldn’t lie— the thought of a proposal had your heart fluttering. Still to this day, Minghao was the only man who had an effect on you. You smiled as you walked, thinking back on years ago when you used to be cold and unapproachable to everyone. Minghao had broken through your walls, though. He had somehow managed to force you to break your facade, revealing the softer version of yourself that you had left concealed from the world.

You couldn’t imagine your life without him in it. He was so crucial to your happiness that you scarcely knew how you managed without him for 20 years. You were so caught up in your sweet thoughts that you didn’t realise that you had taken a wrong turn. You looked up. The sky was dark, the street lights were flickering, threatening to burn out. You were in an alleyway which you couldn’t recognize. You knew the geography of the city well. You had to for missions, but this was unexplored territory for you. 

You heard a soft pattering and looked up, squinting to see through the darkness. There was a figure on the rooftop.

“Fuck-” You cursed under your breath, becoming increasingly anxious about the situation you had thrusted yourself into. You needed to get back, preferably without a fight.

The figure jumped down, a cloth mask covering most of their face. You clutched your pitiful hand knife— you hadn’t expected to need anything more. You should’ve at least brought a pistol or something. From the looks of it, this person was much more prepared than you were for the fight that was commencing inevitably. They held a heavy bat in their right hand, dragging it across the concrete in the alleyway as they slowly moved towards you.

“Myungho left his girl unprotected, huh? What a lousy guy.” The man sneered, stepping forward. He looked intoxicated with how careless his steps were. It gave you hope and added to your fear. Drunk men were less precise with their fighting, but they were unpredictable. When they were under the influence, they strayed from their regular fighting styles. You wouldn’t be able to catch on to anything this man did. 

You took a step back, calculating if you would be fast enough to run for it instead of engaging. This guy looked like he would follow you, though. Until you got a hit in, you couldn’t risk it.

The man stepped forward messily, swinging the bat at you. You barely ducked in time, managing to land a kick to the man’s side, but it didn’t do much. You had another second before a heavy swing landed and your vision blacked out.

//

Minghao paced around the basement gym, his constant pattering along the floor starting to annoy Jun who was trying to train in peace. Where were you?

“I haven’t seen her since she left to look for you.” Jun said for the 10th time in the last 20 minutes, landing a particularly loud punch to the punching bag. To be honest, he was stressed too. What was it with people disappearing today?

Minghao stood up, “I should look for her-”

“Don’t you dare. The reason she’s lost right now is because she went looking for you. If we keep this up it’ll be an endless circle. Just stay put. What if she comes back? You should be here.” Jun said seriously. Minghao sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair from the stress. 

The speed at which both boys turned their head when they heard a footstep was record-breakingly impressive. Jun’s face soon fell in disappointment when he realised it was only Mingyu, and Minghao took on a slight glare.

Mingyu put his hands up, silently professing his innocence, “I didn’t steal your girlfriend-” He whispered helplessly. Jun rolled his eyes, eyeing Mingyu to step out of the room which he did.

Another hour passed and Jun had stopped training and was now scrolling through his phone. He didn’t want to leave for fear that Minghao would go out of his sight the second he was away. Minghao was collapsed on the floor, staring at the ceiling, fiddling with the ring box in his hand, constantly opening it and then snapping it shut again, not bothering to look at the delicate diamond ring inside. Who knew if he was even going to be able to get a chance to give it to you? He let out a shaky breath when his thoughts went there.

“Minghao?”

The choked whisper got his attention immediately and his head shot up, staring at the doorway. There you were. He rushed to you immediately and Jun let out a sigh of relief and gave you two a soft smile. Minghao supported almost all your body weight, guiding you upstairs to his room and setting you on his bed as carefully as humanly possible.

“You’re bleeding.” He whispered with a concerned tone, glancing at your head in worry, seeing the blood trickling down the side of it.

“No shit.” You sighed, hand reaching out and grabbing onto his shirt, silently pulling him closer to you. You wrapped your arms around his waist, but he was hesitant to hug you back.

“Baby, I don’t want to hurt you-”

“It can’t be worse than a swing to my head, shut up.” Finally he did wrap his arms around you like you wanted. Your head rested against his chest barely, some of the blood from your wound staining it.

“What happened?” Minghao asked breathlessly.

“I was trying to look for you, but I got lost in this disgusting alleyway. Then this masked dude came up with a bat and whacked me.”

“What?” Minghao pulled away, shocked.

“He said you were a lousy boyfriend, too.” You murmured, smiling despite the serious situation. Minghao looked highly offended at that.

“How dare he say that-” Minghao started complaining, pointing out everything he did to ensure your safety and that this was the one time that he hadn’t been there and that it would never ever happen again.

“Stop grumbling and just tell me where your medicine cabinet is.” You said, successfully shutting him up for now.

“Right- right, you’re bleeding.” He stood up quickly and opened a small metal cabinet on the wall, pulling out gauze and bandages and disinfectant. He came back and sat next to you, working almost immediately on the most visible wound, cleaning it and bandaging it with the most careful hands.

You closed your eyes, smiling a bit. The way he handled you like you were a fragile piece of glass showed just how much he loved you. His touch was always feather-light, taking no chance in case any pressure might hurt you.

“All done.” He whispered and you opened your eyes again.

“Are you alright?” You asked suddenly, studying his face.

“Yeah, why?” He leaned back slightly.

“You look mad.”

“That’s just my face…” He concluded, pouting slightly which made you laugh.

“Cute.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, making him smile.

“Does it still hurt?” He said suddenly, breaking the prolonged loving eye-contact, his eyes focusing on your wound again.

“It was a pretty nasty hit so obviously.” 

“Let me kiss it better.” 

Before you could question the logic of his suggestion, he was already pressing multiple kisses to your head, his left hand holding your cheek softly. His kisses travelled down to your cheek before taking a turn. He lifted your face up a bit with his hand and connected your lips. Like Minghao was with everything when it was with you, the kiss was soft and loving. He let you decide when to pull away, which you had no choice but to do when you started running out of breath.

“Better?” He asked, tilting his head to the side with a smile.

You smiled widely, “Much better.” 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ svt taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @yeonjuns-redhair,, @ddeonudepressions,, @hannahsophie0103,, @skz-minchan-enthusiast,, @shuabby1994

[coffeeheartaddict2]

When life has other plans (1/16)

Knowledge is Power

Book: Open Heart (AU)

Characters: Casey Valentine, Ethan Ramsey

Word count: 2256

Warnings: sexual references (masturbation)

Rating: PG

Summary: A competition has commenced for the interns at Edenbrook hospital. A horrid first day leads to an unexpected test of a new machine but what is Dr Ethan Ramsey hiding?

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Authors note: well hello again with another AU. I had a thought of what would happen if Casey found out she was pregnant when Ethan was in the Amazon and what decision would be made and the impact on the relationship. It is me, it will be angsty in parts, do not panic, there will be some smut too and fluff and I pre planned the whole lot and there is an eventual happy ending.

⚕️⚕️⚕️⚕️⚕️⚕️⚕️⚕️⚕️

It had been a horrid 24 hours for Casey. She froze when a patient had complications post surgery, a few difficult patients and now to update Dr Ramsey on what was happening. She was dreading it. She knows it could have been fatal and even though she did not know him that well yet, she knew that he would not be kind.

She finds him and takes a deep breath.

“Dr Ramsey.” She calls, hoping the quiver in her voice is not noticed. “I have come to update you on my patient…”

“Yes and from what I hear you are very lucky to have a patient…”

“I will not let you down again.”

He looks at Casey, his eyes soften slightly.

“You will let yourself down again. But how you learn from these is important.”

Casey nods.

“How are your patients?” Asks Dr Ramsey.

“They are all stable…” replies Casey.

“Excellent, the radiology department has a new fmri machine and I am losing patience waiting for them to test it. Can you come with me.”

They arrive at the machine and Casey administers the contrast dye. She takes a brief second and marvels at the physical form of Dr Ramsey and she goes to the control room.

She runs a scan and then asks some questions.

“In your opinion, what do you think makes a good Physician?”

Ethan is startled by the question, it was not what he was expecting.

“You already know part of that, a willingness to listen to the patients, taking time to hear their story to solve the case. A willingness to learn, being honest and a basic compassion and empathy.”

“What so nothing about knowledge?” Says Casey

Ethan chuckles. “I thought that went without saying,Rookie.”

Casey asked a few other questions and then asked him the following.

“What are your feelings on Resident and Attending relationships?” Asked Casey.

“Attendings are here to teach, not fraternize and any romantic feelings are just Neurochemical responses in response to heightened stress and high levels of exposure.

“One last question, would you ever have children?”

“No, I have never seen myself with kids. I do not think I could be the parent I would want to be, given the hours I work. I also do not see myself settling down.”

Casey understood where he was coming from. Children were something she had not given much thought about, then again she had never been with anyone serious to even think about it.

Casey looks at the images and advises Ethan that they are done. He gets dressed and goes into the room where Casey is. She shows him the images and he is impressed. He thanks her and Casey goes on her way.

Later that day, Ethan is in his office reflecting on his responses and he thinks to the pleasant sensation he got up his arm when he helped Casey on her first day. He did not know that individual and yet there was a sensation and of course seeing her at Donahue’s. He knew he should not have had such impure thoughts about an intern. He was also impressed with the range of questions that she asked. Despite the near miss with her patient, he was impressed with her, he did wonder if he was too harsh rating her so low. He put the thought of his head, he knew she was more than capable and knew she would improve herself.

Meanwhile Casey was deep in thought. Surprised at the turn of events with Dr Ramsey. She was looking forward to the challenge of impressing Mr Ramsey. She goes and sees Shonda, her patient. She apologizes for nearly killing her. Shonda was understanding and stated that she has a trusted team behind her, but she needed to trust those around her and to also breathe. Casey was thankful for the advice. Little did Casey know just how useful that advice would come in when a similar set of complications occurred. Casey took a breath and delegated, saving the patient. Word of Casey not freezing soon made its way to Dr Ramsey. He was impressed and congratulated her when he saw her. He however dropped a scan out of his folder and he saw Casey read the name before she handed it back to him. He noted that she looked intrigued but he could tell no one as he had promised the patient that no one would know.

“Patient X”. Casey was intrigued but for all she knew it was a team patient and thus none of her business, especially if the patient was in the hospital under what was obviously a pseudonym. She quickly put it out of her head until one day she saw Ethan acting somewhat cagey around the new wing that was under construction. Ethan was surprised that he was followed and he took Casey to Derry Roasters. He was going to use it as a gauge to see how much he had gotten away with his treatment of Naveen. He ordered her an Espresso Romano. Casey enjoys it immensely. They look at all the people go by, Ethan quirking an eyebrow when Casey described a woman’s hair as sex hair. They had a discussion of how she came to the conclusion. Ethan even tested the waters by asking if she had ever had the look of pure satisfaction.

“It is a look I am familiar with” said Casey, while coyly taking a sip of her coffee. Ethan finds the look rather alluring and the thoughts of what he had many a night thought ran through his head. She tells him her thoughts. That he is lonely. He tells her that she is only half right, even though she is. The very real prospect of losing Naveen had been weighing on him. He was treating him himself, he had a friendship with Harper, sure but he knew she still had feelings and he did not want to go down that rabbit hole again. They head back, he tells her that she has what it takes to be a good physician before heading in. Casey is shell shocked. She had improved this week and was on the cusp of the top 10 but getting such an endorsement from Ethan directly, well it was disconcerting.she went about her day though, with a bit more confidence.

A few days later it was results day and Casey awoke early, surprised to see Landry. Their shift was not for another couple of hours and yet Landry was on his way to the hospital. He says he gets there early to try and get ahead of his cases and to emulate Dr Ramsey. The results were already up. Casey had cracked the top ten but Landry dropped down. He was annoyed. Casey asked if any of his treatments had not worked. Landry seemed almost insulted but he did state a plan did not work as he was unaware of a recent lifestyle change. What Ethan had said about listening to the patient came to the fore.

“Did you not think to ask?”

“All that is superfluous.” Said Landry, arrogantly. “All that small talk just takes away from the diagnosis…”

“Yes in this instance, taking the time to find out what is happening in their life would have lead to the treatment working. Not everyone has gone to medical school Landry.”

Landry is speechless for a second

“Y-y-yeah, well you do not see Ramsey asking all the questions.” Said Landry, “And yet he gets the diagnosis correct.”

“Dr Ramsey has 10 years on us, that is why.”

Casey walks away to prepare for her rounds and wonders how many other near misses have occurred because of his arrogance. She had already learnt that test results are not the be all and end all, she knew the main reason she eventually got the diagnosis was not because of test results but listening to her about her experience diving. She hoped that Landry would learn but she was not hopeful.

The competition went on and Casey was on the improve. She was now close to the top five and her confidence was high. She did not let the new found confidence cause complacency. One day she was walking by the new wing. Then she had a thought to a few weeks ago when she came across Ethan near here. She thought he was acting like he was hiding something so she continued further. Into the construction site she went. She found herself at a more complete area then she did a double take. In a room was a rather unwell looking Dr Naveen Banerji and a rather stressed Dr Ethan Ramsey. Just then Dr Ramsey looks up to see a startled Casey. He excuses himself and leaves the room. By this point Casey had started to walk away.

“Rookie, please, you can not tell anyone what you have seen?”

“Of course Dr Ramsey but what is ‘this’?”

“I will message you my address details, can we meet tonight?”

“Of course Dr Ramsey.” Said Casey before walking away, still in a state of shock. Was Naveen patient X? Why is it a secret? Casey though was determined to keep Dr Ramsey’s secret and made her way back to the main hospital, where she happens upon Mrs Martinez who looks very interested in where she had just come from. Casey manages to divert her attention and accompany Mrs Martinez back to her ward. Mrs M tells Casey about how she wished to travel and how the diagnosis of Rhodes Disease robbed her of that opportunity. She was trapped by her treatment and she does often resent it. Casey felt sad for Mrs Martinez. She hoped there would be a way for her to leave the hospital. Then she saw the Panacea logo on the bag.

Meanwhile Ethan was beside himself. His secret had been discovered and he wondered how much Casey figured out as he remembered she saw some scans. His thoughts came to the thoughts he had been having about Casey. A capable physician and improving in the competition every week, she appears to take advice on board. He was hopeful that she would crack the top spot as she certainly deserved it. It certainly made her someone he wished to get to know better personally but his dreams have being haunting him. Dreams of her succumbing to her climax, writhing in ecstasy against his window, laying naked in his bed, grasping his hair while he is orally pleasuring her. Many of these dreams had lead to masturbation which lead to a cycle of he should not. As much as he told himself it was a Neurochemical response, he knew it had to be more but what exactly. The possibility of him being her direct supervisor stopping him from exploring further and here he was, sitting in his office, contemplating what next.

The evening came. He had some wine ready. Again he was internally chastising himself for the social atmosphere. There is a buzz and he lets Casey in. She makes a comment about the view. She is dressed casually but nice in jeans and a purple top. The outfit accentuated her curves and the thoughts of her up against his window tried to dominate his brain. He shut them out by stating he was rarely there to enjoy the view. He offered her a glass of wine and they sat down on the couch.

He came out with that Naveen is dying and started from the beginning.

Casey did not interrupt, but did place a hand on his knee in comfort. He refrained from putting his hand on top of hers. She asked about the progression and asked questions to clarify things he had said. As the evening went on, Ethan felt lighter, less burdened. He had been tempted to bring other physicians in but he could not betray Naveen like that, and he told Casey just that.

“You are not alone.” Said Casey. It was starting to get late so Casey took her leave. He walked her to the door.

“Thank you for telling me, Ethan.” She said, “I meant what I said before, you are not alone.”

“I know” whispered Ethan. He leans in and kissed her, deeply. Casey is taken aback but returns the kiss. They finally part, when they need to breathe.”

“Good night, Ethan.”

“Good night Rookie.”

Casey was surprised by the kids. She did not deny that she had thought about Ethan in that way, despite the exterior she was met with on the first day, was a man who did care about his patients. She also found him attractive but she was in the running to be on his team and did not want jeopardize that but at the same time, she really enjoyed that kiss.

Meanwhile, Ethan was flummoxed. He was surprised that he let his control slip and kissed Casey, he was also surprised that he only kissed her. Her kiss had been all that he had imagined. He sat nursing a scotch, his cycle of self denial starting to cycle and then he remembered that he now had someone to share the burden with and who appeared to keep his secret.

He finished the scotch and had a shower, he masturbated to thoughts of what he had wanted to do to her but had only done so in his dreams. He went to bed, rested. He waited for the cycle of regret to come. But it never did.

——-

Authors note 2: Next up Miami

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @tessa-liam @alj4890 @cariantha @zealouscanonindeer @liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @bex-la-get @a-crepusculo @crazy-loca-blog @youlookappropriate @lucy-268 @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics @trappedinfanfiction

[doberbutts]

Do you think you're gonna confront your mom about the whole risking both of your lives because of her religion thing? I totally get not thinking it'd be worth it or just not wanting to or whatever and it's SO not my business if you don't wanna share, but I've had a whole mess of issues with my own mother and I don't think that'd be something I could just not bring up.

I did, once, confront her about this problem when I was much younger. When she chose to ignore and wait and make excuses for why I didn't need to see the doctor. This is, unfortunately, not an uncommon thing for her nor is it really new behavior. I at one point picked the fight that we'd been circling around, when I first got my glasses. I'd been complaining to her for a few years, yes years, that I couldn't see the chalkboard and since my last name is near the end of the alphabet and my teachers all used alphabetized assigned seating, it meant I was almost always put at the back. And they wouldn't move me to the front without parental guidance, which she wouldn't give me because she swore up and down that I could see just fine and that I was just goofing off in class and that's why my grades were steadily failing.

At some point she made an eye doctor appointment for me but not before threatening that I would be in serious trouble if I made her waste the time and money at the eye doctor for me to have 20/20 vision like she swore I had. The doctor at some point made an offhand comment about how my prescription was relatively mild but technically I'd probably needed glasses for at least a year or two and it was also likely the cause of my awful headaches I was having from squinting to see 24/7. I was roughly on the cusp of "legally needs glasses to drive"- could probably pass an eye test without it but....... not without struggling. Of course nowadays I definitely can't.

I chose to confront her after the appointment because I felt both vindicated and also furious that she'd let me walk around in pain and unable to see just because she refused to listen to me when I told her I couldn't see in class.

The end result was with us screaming at each other on the drive home so much that she had to pull into a parking lot and cool off walking around a shop. Her parting words were "if you don't like the way I parent you, then you can go". I waited for her to disappear into the store and then got out of the car, turned off my cell phone, removed the battery, and started walking. I knew where I was and could have walked the rest of the way home. I chose instead to start walking towards a friend's house, a friend whose parents adored me and who I knew would take me in even just for a night while I sorted my shit out with my folks. After an hour or so of venting under my breath as I walked I decided I'd cooled off enough to be safe calling my friend, so I turned my phone back on.

She'd left dozens of text messages and voicemails, starting with her being angry at finding me gone, and ending with her whispering "I'm sorry. Please call me."

I called her and told her where I was. She picked me up and we went home in silence. We haven't spoken about it since. This was just one of many times that I enforced a hard boundary with her and stood my ground when I was about that age. We went through this song and dance with church and religion and Christianity. We did it when I came out. We did it when I told her I refused to go back to my ultra-religious high school. We did it over countless friends of mine that she felt were leading me onto a Godless path. We did it regarding my father's temper. We did it regarding my sister's treatment of me. And we've done it again a few more times since I left, though far fewer and less explosively because she is very aware of why I refuse to live with or near her and she's sad about it and wants to mend the gap.

It may seem strange to an outsider. I do love my mom. I have a lot of problems with the way she ran her household. I am angry at her for some things. But she loves me. She never once abandoned me. She may have done things for stupid and misguided reasons, but never to be malicious. She helped me buy my house, she helped me move in, she helped make the necessary repairs, she paid for a lot of the furniture and other things I needed, hell the last time she visited she filled my entire freezer up with enough meat to last the entire winter. She does try. She wants to be a better parent than hers were, and to her credit she is a better parent than hers were, because her parents were an angry drunk that beat the shit out of the kids and a wife too submissive and scared to stop him.

I don't think confronting her would do anything particularly positive. It's frustrating. She knows I disapprove. I know she disapproves. I doubt we'll ever see eye-to-eye on this issue. But also, she's my mom, you know?

[webbymom]

So, on the way to the bookstore...

Just popping on totally randomly and after many years to say a couple of things sims-related. Well, really to rant a bit, about a couple of things sims-related... ;)

I just spent over $100 CAD on a couple-or-so kits, and the two newest TS4 EP's - High School Years (since I'd passed on that earlier, and, of course, Growing Together). I was very excited for the new worlds, the new gameplay, and getting some more clutter in my game. FINALLY. After a couple of years of not really having much interest left in TS4, I was excited to get the whole, intense, deep, family mojo going - baby, infant, toddler, child, teen with high school, young adult with Uni, young adult with job/marriage/kids, start all over again...

I'm sorry to say that I was disappointed. Not really by the kits, they are what they are, but by the EP's. I played through HS Years while awaiting the arrival of GT, and it was OK, I guess. To be honest, I was hoping to explore more with a new "legacy" type of family once GT came out. But I suffered from MANY crashes once I'd finally downloaded it.

To be fair, I struggled with the game crashing due to mods - but I didn't put them in until they'd been updated. I spent four days starting over and over, testing and testing, with mods that were supposedly updated, but obviously something was wrong... I literally started FOUR FAMILIES in that time, ended up chucking all mods out the window (ooooh, the pain of build/buy without cheats!), and starting again.

It went OK - but I was so DONE by then. Sad, really.

None of THAT was EA's fault. Not at all. But here's the thing I noticed whilst starting over and over and over...

San Sequoia is barren. Empty. Lifeless. Like, you can't even search for frogs or fish there. There are no collectibles that I am aware of in the world AT ALL. (correct me if I'm wrong...)

Apart from collectibles, there also aren't that many people around to befriend/romance/marry - like, they're all adults or older and already paired up, for the most part. I don't know how I'd start a single, YA sim out and find someone to make a life with! I really don't - I tried! I had to move them to Willow Creek!

Literally, I gave up and moved my last sim from my last attempt to Potter's Splay in Willow Creek. Frick San Sequoia, I said. I can always visit the rec center just as easily by a loading screen from Willow Creek as I can from down the frickin' road!

My sim met Zoe Patel - she was serving drinks at the local bar. He romanced her REAL FAST LIKE and they got married within 24 hours and very quickly had a baby. Which then turned into my FOURTH infant in this fiasco. And we are on the way AGAIN to making some milestones.

(Poor little gal still hasn't gotten to the high chair yet, as did 2 of my other infants in this journey... )

Life was better - Zoe could trot around her neighbourhood, even while pregnant, and gather flowers and mushrooms and dug up stuffz to make a bit of side cash while hubby was off at work... And I realized that the RICHNESS of those two original neighbourhoods were never really matched in later EP's - except for Windenburg, they did a pretty good job on that one. Again, still early on.

I've heard that they are all worried about computers and how more worlds means more resources used and how they have to keep all those stats down for those who play on lower-end machines.

Well, folks, here's the thing. I've PAID for a higher-end machine. I know not everyone can, I get that. But I have one. And, for once in the last two years, I was looking forward to a pack that I now feel was hyped up beyond what it would do or give me, which was dumbed down, specs-wise, so that everyone under the sun could play the game. In the end, this long-time simmer feels shorted. I wanted to like the world. I wanted to play in it long-term. But you can't even get a decent-sized lot to build on, let alone one that faces the sun for the right times of day so you can bloody well see what the frick you're building or living in! The life has been sucked right out of it, which is sad, being as all the screenshots were so pretty. But why have an entire wharf when you don't even have a fishing spot on it? Why have parks and "empty areas" when there are no collectibles to find? No secret portals to other places to discover? Oh, and the "secrets" of San Sequoia are just folks telling you about their gender preference or how to be OK with some bad news you got???

Seriously. I can't even.

Know what I did? I opened up The Sims 3. And guess what?

So. Much. Better.

I'll write a new post about that later, since this one is long enough. ;)

[hide-in-imagination]

"Roads That Cross... With Memories"

You can read the previous chapters here: (1),(2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), (9), (10), (11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16), (17), (18), (19), (20), (21), (22), (23), (24), (25), (26)

--------------------------------

Happy early Christmas, everybody! ♡

--------------------------------

In the blink of an eye, three whole days had passed since the return of Juliana. The Roller was lively, the music and the colors seeming more vibrant now that everything was back to how it used to be. Well, not everything, but as Nina’s fingers flew around the keyboard, the familiar sound of typing joining the cheery voices of her friends, she contemplated that things were always changing, nothing ever stayed the same forever, and that was okay because it allowed growth. 

Luna wasn’t the same now that she knew who she truly was, but she’d gained more family and the ability to finally let go of the wondering and the empty space. Nico was no longer there, but he’d left for New York chasing his dreams. Nina herself would soon be graduating high school and doing God knows what. Something related to writing, for sure. She had some ideas, but it was still hard to imagine that by this time next year she’d be at university. Her life, and everyone’s lives, were going to change so much, and in ways only the future could tell.  

All of this she wrote on her laptop— Her musings about time and how fast it went by. Permanence. Change. Future. Her mind was full of these things because time, slowly and tortuously, had snuck up on her.

Gastón would be flying back to England tomorrow. 

Nina’s fingers stumbled and stopped their typing. Procrastinating writing philosophical thoughts was probably not a good idea. It helped her think though, and think she had, all these days, exhaustively. She didn’t think she’d thought this much about Gastón since when she was first crushing on him years ago. 

She also thought a lot about herself. About what she wanted. 

She thought of Eric too. 

She even thought of Xavi, sweet Xavi, and of a hundred hypothetical guys she could maybe meet in the future. 

Future. Past. Possibilities. Fears. Wishes. 

In the end, even if she rationalized everything and tried to find the right answer like in the question of a test, what really mattered were her feelings. 

There was no ‘right’ answer because no one knew what would happen— She could only decide on what she wanted. 

And she did.

Taking a deep breath, Nina grabbed her phone to follow through on what she had set out to do this morning. She tapped her screen, going through different chats until she found his contact. 

N: Can we talk this afternoon?

N: I have my answer.

*************************

Keen eyes looked through documents; checking, evaluating. 

“Okay, as far as I see it, everything’s in order.” Ana smiled. “This event is going to be great.” 

Ámbar placed a hand on her chest and sighed in relief. “Thank you so much, Ana.” She received the papers from her and tucked them in the folder. “I want this to be the best Roller Jam ever. You’re invited, by the way.” 

Ana laughed lightly. “Thank you, I’d love to come.” She put her phone and pen back into her purse and began to stand. “I’ll get going now, I have a hearing in a couple of hours.” 

“Yeah— Oh! Ana! Before I forget.” Ana stopped to hear her. “Could you contact that accountant friend you told me about and see if they can come here one of these days?” Ámbar asked. “Because with the Open Music I could somehow manage, but this event is bigger and there’ll be a lot more things to consider, I could really use their help.” 

“Of course,” Ana said with a smile. “I’ll call her later and ask her, but I don’t think she’ll have any problem.” 

“Awesome. Thank you so much, Ana,” Ámbar said for maybe the fifth time that day, but she was truly a godsend. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“You’re completely welcomed.” Ana waved as she walked away. “See you later, Ámbar.” 

“See you!” 

Ámbar grabbed her notepad and scratched ‘Check the documents with Ana’ out of her To-do list. The preparations for the Roller Jam had been going smoothly thus far. She had shown Simón some reference pics she’d found on the internet of Día de los Muertos decorations and he’d helped her pick what would work best for the event. The budget was approved by Vidia and she had almost all planned out. To be honest, she thought she could have this done in a matter of days if it were only the Roller Jam she had to worry about, like back when she did the Flash Open, but now she had her everyday manager responsibilities on top of it, which left her very little time to work on the event. 

She’d thought of just doing it in her free time, but Simón quickly advised her against it. ‘If they’re not paying you for pulling extra hours, don’t do them; it’s not worth it. I learned that years ago.’ Sometimes she forgot that he had so much work experience. She felt sorry for him for having felt the need to start working so young, but she also admired him a lot for it. He knew so many things that she didn’t, like something as crucial to life as cooking a meal, and he always gave his best at everything he did. She hoped that he could live his dream soon. He was a great musician and he deserved to be recognized for it, he deserved to give his best at what he really wanted to do. 

And then… what about her? 

Ámbar paused with her pen in hand. It wasn’t like being the manager of the Roller was her life dream. After this job was over… what would she do with her life? What did she want to do? 

She spent some minutes looking at the document in front of her, pretending to read it while actually contemplating life. 

A presence came up to her table.

“Hey, Ámbar.” 

Ámbar looked up, snapping out of her thoughts. She was immediately surprised. This was unexpected. 

“Can I talk to you?” Matteo asked her, hesitant, probably because he also knew how unusual this was. “As in, in private?”  

Ámbar’s brows drew together a little. “Uh… Sure.” It was a strange request but she saw no reason to say no. It wasn’t like she was being very productive at the moment. 

She stood from her seat and Matteo walked towards the dressing room, so she followed him there. Once inside, she closed the door behind her. “What’s up?” 

“Well, first of all, I wanted to say that I really like your Día de los Muertos idea for a Roller Jam,” Matteo said. “We were all worried, to be honest, when you first became the Roller’s manager, but I gotta admit, you’ve come up with very good things since then, and I think you deserve some credit.” 

Ámbar blinked. Okay… had she entered some alternate dimension without her knowing or something? Why was Matteo telling her this? “Wow, um, thank you…? I’m doing my best to be the best manager I can be,” she said. 

“Of course, of course. And the best girlfriend you can be too,” Matteo added, this time jokingly. “Should I be offended that you never threw an Italian party for me while we were dating? Nor did you do it for Benicio. Now that I think about it—Do you know if Simón has any Italian heritage? Maybe you have a type.”

She liked him better when he was being formal and appreciative. 

“I’m trying to forget I ever dated you, and Benicio was nothing more than a momentary lapse of judgment,” she said coolly. “Now, is there a point to this conversation?”

Matteo looked nervous again. “Right. Yes. I, um… I wanted to ask you for a favor.” 

Of course. “And what would that be?”  

“Would it be possible for me to perform a song at the Roller Jam?” 

Ámbar frowned a little. “Um… I mean, Simón and Luna are gonna sing one, but you’re not from México, Matteo. Why do you wanna sing? To promote your new song?”  

Matteo averted his gaze, hesitant. “I’m not from México…” He said slowly, “…but Luna is.”

Ámbar’s brows shot to her hairline and her jaw dropped. 

“I wanna do a surprise for her,” Matteo said fast while she snorted in disbelief, “so if you could also not tell anyone that I’ll be singing, that’d be great. It’d only be one song—” 

“You do realize that you’re asking me, your ex, to do a surprise for the girl you dumped me for.” 

“I broke up with you for many reasons; only one of them was Luna. And you broke up with me too— And,” he added quickly before she could refute, “didn’t you just say that you wanted to forget we ever happened?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever.” 

Matteo looked away and tucked his hands in the pocket of his pants. “For what is worth… I’m sorry for how I acted during our relationship. I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend, especially the Luna thing… Though, in my defense, Gastón was the one who dared me to make her fall for me.” 

“Gastón did what?” And he had the audacity to act all goody-goody? “Oooh, I hope Nina doesn’t forgive him,” she spat. It was common knowledge to everyone with eyes that Gastón was hoping for something with Nina judging by the longing stares he sent her 24/7. After this? Ámbar was tempted to introduce her to another guy herself. 

“Hey, I was the one who listened to him.” 

“I know,” she told him with a glare; he wasn’t even subtle about it. 

A flash of shame passed across Matteo’s face much to Ámbar’s satisfaction. Good. Now they could lay this whole thing to rest. “Thank you for the apology,” she said in a kinder tone. “You’re two years late, but I guess it’s better than never.” 

“Well, with the way you were acting, I didn’t feel much like apologizing to you.” 

She glared at him again. Fair. Didn’t mean she had to admit it. 

“You’re still asking me for a favor, remember?” She said. That shut him up. “And I was not the only one insufferable— In fact…” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What about Simón?” 

Matteo frowned. “What about him?” 

“Well, you were unfaithful to me, but you antagonized him for two years straight, including when you publicly humiliated him in that Vidia interview. Did you apologize to him?” She asked with indignation.

Matteo stared at her for a moment with a silly face. “Wow. Who would’ve thought you’d ever get this defensive over someone other than yourself.” 

“Matteo.” 

He sighed, getting back to the point. “I tried, some time ago. He didn’t let me. He told me to forget about it, that it was all in the past. That I’m a different person now and he is happy we’re friends.” 

Ámbar deflated and face-palmed. “Of course, he did.” She looked to the side with mild annoyance. “I can’t believe I’ll have to get angry in his stead for the rest of my life.” 

“Or… you could learn from him and don’t hold grudges,” Matteo suggested. 

Ámbar looked at him like he was insane. “Do you even know me at all?” She extended her hand in greeting. “Hi, Ámbar Smith, we dated for years, do you recall?”  

Matteo laughed slightly, and for a moment it looked like that would be all— they’d buried the hatched, finally. But then his face clouded with worry. “You’re treating him right, right?” 

For the second time in this conversation, Ámbar’s jaw dropped to the underworld. “Oh my god, I can not believe this— Another couple’s counselor!” She threw her hands up. “They’re just everywhere these days!” 

Matteo frowned confusedly. “Another?” 

“I’m not gonna talk about my relationship with you Matteo,” Ámbar told him in all seriousness. 

“I just wanted to make sure—” She gave him a pointed look. “Okay, fine, I get it,” he backed off. He stared at her. “So…” 

“So?” 

“Can I perform at the Roller Jam?” 

Ah right, that. 

Ámbar narrowed her eyes, calculating. 

“You would owe me a big favor,” she started. “Immediate the moment I call it in; non-negotiable. If I decide I want you to repay me by singing ‘Pocket full of sunshine’ dressed in a bright yellow duck costume in front of the whole Roller, you do it.” 

Fear flickered in Matteo’s eyes. “…Simón wouldn’t let you do that to me.” 

Ámbar smiled. “Simón would be the first to want to see that.” 

Matteo remained quiet. 

Ámbar offered him her hand, smiling wide and devilishly. “Do we have a deal?”  

Matteo looked at her hand with clear reluctance and sighed. He shook it. “Deal. But please have mercy.” 

Oh, how she loved having power over someone. 

“I make no promises.” 

******************

As tedious as handling the lockers could be sometimes, there were occasions in which the peace and quiet could be very useful. Lately, for Simón, the downtimes in this room had been the perfect opportunity to work on new songs. 

He spun his pen around in his hand, staring down at the words he’d written on his notepad. 

Es la fuerza que golpea fuerte al corazón

La fuerza incalculable que hay en una canción

Un volcán de cosas buenas que entra en erupción 

That was it, those were all the lyrics he had for now for this song. He couldn’t even call it a song yet. It was more like a concept, but he liked it, so he’d written it down so he wouldn’t forget. They had other songs in the making with Pedro currently, more romantic ones, some fast, some slow. Those were far more developed than this, so maybe, he thought, he should be working on finishing those instead of pondering over random words that came to him, but who was he to question inspiration? Nothing would ever start if he did. 

Not like he was having much luck at coming up with anything beyond these three verses. But, well, that wasn’t unusual. 

He had the beginnings of a melody though, like a tiny spark that if he managed to fuel enough could turn into a full-blown bonfire. He started humming and left his pen on the counter. Maybe focusing on the melody first was the way to go for this one.  

Loud, sharp footsteps and voices snapped him out of his reverie and made him turn his head to the left just as a woman stormed in, followed closely by a glaringly worried Eric who looked like he’d sprinted to reach her.  

Simón remembered this woman. She had come in here with her son only 15 minutes earlier or so.

He did not remember her glaring at him like this back then. 

The woman seethed. “You.” 

Simón abandoned all thoughts of lyrics and music. 

This was not good. 

*****************

Ámbar had just sat down mere minutes ago when the commotion reached her. 

She lifted her head from her papers just in time to see a woman furiouslywalking up to her. She was pulling a little boy by the hand with her, and Simón and Eric appeared right behind them, concern on their faces. 

The woman looked middle-aged or maybe younger. She had short, dark blond hair and wore a wine-colored open cardigan over a black floral top. A mom look if she had ever seen one. She stood right in front of Ámbar’s table, her whole stance one of outrage. “You’re the manager?”

Ámbar straightened up and stood from her seat immediately. “Yes, is there a problem?”

“My son just fell down in the middle of the rink because the skates you provided had stuck wheels,” the woman fumed. She showed her the skates in question, lifting them momentarily with her free hand. “Look at him, he could’ve broken something for your negligence! How is this possible?!” 

Ámbar gave a good look to the boy next to her. He didn’t look older than eleven. The resemblance with his mother was obvious in the matching sand blond hair and features. He was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt and jean shorts, which left in plain sight his bleeding right elbow and knee. He looked like he’d been crying. 

Ámbar swallowed and stretched out her hand. “Can I see the skates?” 

The woman handed her the skates and Ámbar checked the wheels immediately, swiping them down with her right hand to make them spin. Indeed, two wheels weren’t working, one on each skate— They were completely tightened up. 

“See?” The woman said with indignation. “Who wouldn’t fall with skates like that? My son has been rollerskating since he was five years old— He never would’ve fallen if it weren’t for those things!”

Ámbar could’ve pointed out that even professionals fall sometimes in this sport, that skating of any kind comes hand in hand with falling, but she gathered it was in her best interest to not agitate this woman even more. 

She looked at Eric, who was standing by the tables in front of the stage, watching everything that was happening with a worried expression. And he was not the only one— Delfi and Jazmín were a few tables over there, not to mention at least four other customers who were listening to all of this. This was bad. 

“Eric, could you please bring the emergency kit from the dressing room? Quickly.” Seeing him following her command, Ámbar looked back at the woman. “I’m so sorry this happened,” she said, heartfelt. “You can treat his wounds here, you should have everything you need.” 

The woman only looked offended. “And you think that is enough? Look at my son!” The kid’s gaze was on the floor, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else but there as his wounds shone bright red. “I will not allow this establishment to work like this! I want restitution and I want that boy fired!” 

She pointed her finger at Simón, who was standing close to the bar. His face paled, and Ámbar’s heart jumped to her throat. “If he goes around handing defective skates, I don’t want to even imagine how many more people have gotten hurt! Do you even train your employees in this establishment?!” 

Ámbar’s heart was pounding in her chest. She’d never had to deal with a situation like this. Sure, she’d gotten many scoldings from her godmother over the years, but this was different. She was the authority figure here, she was the one that was supposed to have everything in control, she was the one who had to take responsibility and fix this because it was her job, her subordinates, her establishment. 

The woman’s attitude annoyed her. Her suggestion that the Roller as a whole sucked annoyed her. ‘Train their employees’?  No one had trained her in how to become a manager— they just threw the position onto her hands and now she had to deal with this.   

Ámbar clenched her hands, the only crack in her composure she would allow, the only outlet for her nervousness she’d concede. She had a problem at hand and she had to find a solution. Anything else could come later.

“I can assure you that measures will be taken so that something like this never happens again,” she spoke conciliatorily, with all the professionalism she could muster. “The well-being of our customers is our number one priority. As for restitution, if it’s alright with you, you and your son can order anything you want in the cafeteria, free of charge.” Eric approached her then, handing her the emergency kit she’d requested. Ámbar offered it to the woman. “Here, you can treat him while you wait for your orders.” 

The woman was still in a huff but she accepted the medical box and followed Pedro as he led them to a table on the other side of the Roller. 

Simón went to Ámbar when they were out of earshot. 

“Ámbar, I swear I don’t know how it happened,” he said, earnest, distressed. “I check the skates and do maintenance every day— Those wheels should’ve been fine.” 

“Are you certain you checked every single one of them?” She asked.

“Yes.” 

“Absolutely sure?” 

“Yes!” He repeated, slightly exasperated. Tensions were running high and she could see in his face that her not immediately believing him hurt, but she had to ask, it was her job. 

Ámbar looked at the woman on the other side of the cafeteria. She was treating the kid’s wounds. Pedro walked over, returning to the bar, probably to prepare whatever beverage or meal they had asked for. 

“Pedro,” she called him over. “Come here for a bit.” She looked to the side. “Eric, you too.” 

She rounded up the three guys in front of her.

“New policy,” she declared. “Each time you supply rental skates, you will check the wheels right at the moment you hand them out, in front of the client’s eyes. Understood?” 

They all nodded. “Yes, Ámbar.” 

“Good.” 

Eric raised his hand shyly. “Um, what will happen with the woman?” He asked with apprehension. “She told you to fire Simón, but you’re not going to do that, right?” 

Two tables over, Jazmín snorted. “She’s not gonna fire her own boyfriend.” Delfi shot her a look. “What? We were all thinking it.” 

Ámbar glanced at Simón and her heart fell at how ashamed he looked. 

She shot a glare at Jazmín but kept her voice professional. “I will do no such thing because it’d be too extreme for an isolated event in which no real harm was done.” She fumed. “That woman should be grateful I even let her order for free because his son only got a scratched elbow and knee, and nothing assures me that he wouldn’t have fallen just as bad on his own even with perfectly good skates.” 

Everyone stayed silent, subdued by the tension that permeated the air.

Ámbar sighed. “Anyway, you’re dismissed, get back to work. Pedro, once you have the total of the woman’s order, you bring the receipt to me, okay?” 

“Yes, Ámbar.” He walked away. 

She turned. “And Jazmín, please, don’t make a video out of this.” 

Jazmín pouted. “But it’s so—”

“No. It would reflect badly on the Jam & Roller. I assume you don’t want anything to happen to this place?” Jazmín looked chastised. “That’s what I thought.”

Everything else handled, she walked toward Simón, who was still standing by the bar. 

“Take the rest of the day off, okay?” She told him gently. “We’ll talk later, don’t worry.” 

Simón just nodded and walked away, his gaze not meeting hers at all. Ámbar wished she could go with him, he looked really affected by this, but she still had a situation to deal with. 

Drawing in a breath, she squared up her shoulders and got back to work.  

****************

To be honest, Gastón had all but assumed by now that her answer was no. 

He knew he should have some hope, but a big part of him had seen the calendar move forward, the day before his flight arrive, and gathered that, if he left tomorrow without Nina saying anything, wasn’t that answer enough? There was still time, yes, but he couldn’t stop the calamitous thoughts swirling through his brain, telling him that she could just not have the heart to tell him no directly and so she was just waiting for him to leave as a way to soften the blow. 

Maybe that’d be okay. He had put her in an uncomfortable position to begin with— Maybe it was fair for it to end in whichever way she found easier. 

That was what he’d been thinking until he got her texts. 

‘Can we talk this afternoon? I have my answer.’

Gastón’s heart had leaped to his throat. It still seemed to be there now, as he made his way to the park where they decided to meet, the same one where they had… where he had called things off. He couldn’t help but wonder if that meant something. 

He tried to steady himself as he walked toward their meeting place. Whatever Nina’s answer was, he had to take it, good or bad. He wished he had an inkling of what to expect. During the past few days they’d talked some, but only in passing and with their friends around. He had no idea what was going through her head, and he wished that every single glance he saw her exchange with Eric, every single word or smile, didn’t make him assume the worst, but they did.

The thing was, regardless of what Nina chose, his life would carry on the same way. He would still miss her every minute of every day. The only difference would be in the quality of that pain— It could either be bittersweet, or a dark void he’d had to pull himself out of. 

As Gastón neared the appointed spot, he saw Nina in the distance, sitting on a bench already, her hands joined together on her lap. She saw him too and stood, waiting as he approached. She was wearing a cute navy-blue dress; a cardigan and black tights for the cold. 

She looked pretty. 

She always looked pretty. 

“Hi,” she said when he reached her.  

She was smiling, even if nervously. That was a good sign, right? 

“Hi,” he said back, and ran a hand over the back of his neck. “Um, I didn’t get the time wrong, did I? Did you wait long for me?” 

Nina’s eyes widened. “Nonono, I just got here a few minutes ago,” she reassured him. “I— I was too nervous and couldn’t stay still,” she admitted, “and, by the time I realized it, I was already here.” 

He cracked a small smile. “I get the feeling.” He couldn’t blame the weather for the sweat on his palms after all. 

There was a little silence which he took the lead to break. “Um, should we sit or…?” 

Nina looked at the bench. “Um, no, like this is fine.” 

Gastón’s heart fell. That had to be a bad sign. 

“Okay,” he said either way.  

The park they were in was very frequented by high schoolers and kids in the early hours of the afternoon, but thankfully, it was almost empty this close to the evening. Gastón wouldn’t like to be seen by any bystanders right now. Was the nervous energy between them as painfully obvious as he felt it? If anyone passed by right now, could they tell his heart was crashing against his ribs?  

The lack of people made the silence between them even more evident. A silence which both of them tried to break at the same time. 

“You first,” Gastón said after the mishap. 

“Nono, you go first, it’s fine,” Nina told him.  

Gastón changed his weight from one foot to the other. “Well… Nothing, I just…” He took a breath and mustered the strength to look her in the eyes. “I just wanted to say that, whatever your decision is, I respect it. I won’t be mad or anything, it’s alright.” Eventually, it would be. 

Nina looked down, nervous. “Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few days…” She was fidgeting with her hands. “And I think that…” Her eyes looked at his, just for a moment. Then they drifted. To his jacket, to a spot behind him. “…considering our history, the statistics and all that, the chance of us working out long distance is very low.” 

Oh.

The air seemed knocked out of his lungs. “Oh.” 

So he had hope until now. 

Gastón had seen withered plants before. He never thought he’d ever feel like one.

“Because, I mean, we already tried it once, and it didn’t work,” Nina said, more quickly. Maybe it was a new tactic; rip it off like a Band-Aid, make the pain last less. “Repeating the same factors in the same conditions and expecting a different result is not… very realistic.” 

Gastón focused on breathing through the growing lump in his throat. “Right,” he managed to say. His voice came out weaker than he would’ve liked, but at least it sounded steady. 

He wanted to scream that it wasn’t the same. That he wasn’t the same. That he knew better now. That he’d never make the mistake of letting her go again. 

He gulped. Gulped it all down. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” 

His head was in disarray. Now what? What was he supposed to say? He had to reassure her, probably. It’s okay, I understand, he had to say.He had to say it. He willed the words to leave his mouth. It’s okay, I understand, can we still be—? 

“But I don’t care.” 

Gastón blinked. He realized that at some point his gaze had fallen, because when he brought it back up, he found Nina’s eyes, staring directly at him. She wasn’t fidgeting, she wasn’t looking at his shoes— Her eyes were on his. 

They stayed on his. 

“I don’t care,” she said again, determined, light, with the beginning of a smile pulling on her lips. “My heart doesn’t care if it’s impossible or if it’s a one-in-a-million chance— I want to be with you.” She moved closer. “Even if it means only talking to you through the phone or seeing you in a screen, I want to be with you, Gastón. Because I love you. So much. And I need to give my heart a chance of being happy. I need to know if this could work. And… and if it doesn’t, well, I tried. We tried. But I won’t give up without having given it my all.” 

The words fell from her lips like light itself; bright, hopeful, and heartfelt. Her eyes were shining. Maybe she herself was light. 

Gastón had been wrong before. She wasn’t just pretty— She was dazzling. 

A soft smile grew on his face. “I always knew you were braver than me, Nina Simonetti.” 

He took the final step towards her and cradled her face in his hands. 

“I promise that this time I’ll give it my all too.” He stared into her eyes and her hands went to hold the back of his own. “Because if there is one thing in this world that is worth it, it’s you.” 

Nina smiled. She smiled big, with teeth and all, and her eyes were a little wet, making them shine brighter. 

Gastón could’ve stared at them forever, but there was something else more pressing. 

Nina surged to meet him when he leaned down for her lips. The wave of warmth and affection that flooded him couldn’t be put into words— There was nothing that could describe the utter joy, relief, love that filled his chest and spread through his veins at the feeling of her mouth pressing against his, soft and perfect. He had missed kissing her too much. He had missed her too much. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck and his circled her waist, holding her close. 

No more names in the sea— No more fate. They would make their own destiny, because this was something worth fighting against all odds. 

*******************

When Simón was accused, back in Cancún, of having taken money out of the register, it’d been an unpleasant moment but he didn’t worry too much because he knew it was Benicio and not him who did something wrong. 

When that customer had come to confront him that afternoon, he hadn’t known what to do. Anything he said sounded like an excuse and she didn’t stop to listen to him much either. Simón only remembered feeling this humiliated after the Vidia interview, but even then he’d had someone to blame, and the option to escape the situation. This time, he had neither. 

Simón walked straight to the mansion after Ámbar released him from work, not in the mood to do anything else. Only when he arrived did he hesitate. Usually, he always went to Ámbar’s room, but this time, he didn’t know if he should do it. He’d caused trouble for her today. A customer had yelled at her today because of him, and he couldn’t even give explanations because he didn’t think he was guilty, but he felt guilty— It was hard not to when that woman kept pointing at him and demanding he be punished for his failure. 

‘She’s not gonna fire her own boyfriend.’  

That only made him feel worse; he shouldn’t get any special treatment. 

In the end, Simón waited for Ámbar in her room anyway. She’d told him they would talk later and it seemed like a cowardly move to make her walk all the way to his guest room to find him. He took a shower to relax a bit and put on some comfortable clothing he kept in Ámbar’s room. He had like two drawers for himself now. At that moment, he didn’t know if that was nice or if it made him feel like an intruder. 

He turned on the TV but he was too anxious to really pay attention to what was happening on the screen. Mostly, it just added background noise to his worries. He turned it off immediately when Ámbar walked in two hours later. He didn’t know what to expect. He thought maybe she’d be angry at him or act awkwardly around him because of what happened, but much to his surprise, Ámbar greeted him like normal. She sat next to him on the bed’s edge and asked how he’d spent his free afternoon. He recounted what little he’d done with uncertainty still hanging over him. 

It didn’t take long for Ámbar to show that she was angry— At the customer. 

“…she ordered more food than they could eat and asked for it to be packed to go— That woman was a freaking leach,” she was currently venting, telling him how she’d spent the rest of her afternoon. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d even suspect she tightened the wheels herself. Of course, money is not an issue, but it annoys me that I have to pull money out of my own wallet for that woman.” 

Simón, who’d been listening with his gaze down, lifted his head upon hearing that. “Yours?” He said, appalled. “No, you don’t need to pay for it, I thought it’d be discounted from my salary.”

Ámbar’s brows drew together. “That wouldn’t be fair, you didn’t do anything.” 

Simón scoffed weakly. “Exactly.” 

She held his hands and looked at him earnestly. “No, seriously, my love, I know it wasn’t you. Or any of the guys.”

It was Simón’s turn to frown. “How do you know that?” Had any new information come to light after he was gone? 

Ámbar let go of his hands and sighed, looking away from him. Her face looked glum suddenly, like whatever her answer was was not something she wanted to say. “You hadn’t arrived in Buenos Aires yet,” she started, “but did Luna ever tell you that she fell during her test to be the rink assistant because the skates they gave her were defective?” 

Simón felt like he was stuck in a state of confusion by this point. He hadn’t expected the conversation to go this way. He tried to remember. “…Yeah, now that you mention it, I vaguely recall that.”

“Well…” Ámbar brought her hand together on her lap. “The reason why that skate had a stuck wheel was that I tightened it in secret right before her test.”  

His face must have shown his utter bafflement because Ámbar turned to face him quickly, making placating gestures with her hands. “I know, I know, it was wrong, she could’ve broken something— I just really hated her at the time. I lowkey hoped she broke something.” 

“Ámbar!” 

“I’m sorry, okay?” She said painfully. “I can’t change what I did, but I promise I won’t do anything like that again. Not to her, not to anyone.” 

Simón schooled his aghast expression, although he was still reeling from her admission, but he could see the earnest look in her eyes and he believed her. 

“Anyway, that experience shows me that it’s actually very possible for someone to sneak into the lockers, tinkle with some skates, and leave with no one being the wiser.” 

“You’re saying that’s what happened now?” He asked. “But who would do that?”

Ámbar scoffed. “Who else? Benicio and Emilia, of course,” she said, pissed off. “Or one of them, I don’t know. But it was at least one of them, I’m sure of it.” 

Annoyance flared inside Simón as well. He shook his head in disbelief, at both them and himself for not thinking of that before— God, it was so obvious. “I can’t believe them, what did they gain from this?”

“Bother you, bother me, or maybe they just get off on wreaking havoc,” Ámbar said, and bent down to discard her boots. 

Simón looked at her. “Why don’t you ban them from the Roller?” After this, she had to, right? 

Ámbar sighed, sitting criss-cross on the bed. “I thought about it, but I can’t,” she said regretfully. “I don’t have proof that they did anything and, even though the Red Sharks team doesn’t exist anymore, Vidia knows them. I’m…” She looked to the side, “honestly scared of what they could say to my superiors if I try to ban them.” 

Any lingering annoyance, tension, or worry from the day’s events evaporated at the look on her face. Simón reached over to hold her hand in his own. “You’re scared they might fire you,” he realized. 

“Yeah.” She looked at their joined hands. “I mean, this is not my ideal job or anything. But the Roller is my ideal place. Or, it used to be, at least. It was more of a home to me than my own house for years. So it feels kinda… special, to me, to be the manager now. I guess I just don’t… want that to end on bad terms.”

He ran his thumb up and down the back of her hand, taking in her words. He smiled. “From queen of the rink to manager… I don’t know if that’s a big leap or merely a formality.” 

That drew a smile from Ámbar. 

They spent some time like that in comfortable silence. After a moment, Simón moved a little closer to her, still holding her hand. 

“Can I ask you something?” He said quietly.

She looked at him. “Of course.”  

He hesitated for a second longer, thinking how to formulate the question. “Why… If everyone admired you already as the queen of the rink, why did you pick on Luna? Why did you choose to antagonize her so much?” 

Ámbar’s face dimmed. She looked down.  

“I just don’t understand how you could already hate her so much as to want to hurt her when she had just arrived here,” he said, gently, trying not to make her feel attacked in any way; he just wanted some clarity. “I… I never truly understood why you ever hated Luna in the first place. You explained to me the thing about the Red Sharks Festival and why you were so pissed at her party at the beginning of the year. But everything before that… Why was it?” 

He’d been wanting to ask this for a while. He had pieces, and he thought he knew a little, but he would never fully understand if she didn’t talk to him. He wouldn’t force her, of course. He’d considered just leaving it in the past and not mentioning it since it’d been a while since Ámbar’s attitude changed, but now, after what she’d confessed to him, he felt it was the right time to ask and see if she’d explain. Just for closure. Just to understand her better. 

Ámbar took a breath and let it out slowly— a soft, long sigh that seemed to give her strength just as much as it snuffed all the energy she ever had. 

“Well, Matteo was a factor,” she started, and her tone could’ve been mistaken for indifference if he didn’t know her better than that. “It was obvious from the beginning that he liked Luna, and that hurt, but… it hurt combined with everything else. Because it wasn’t just Matteo that liked her immediately— She was so easily liked by everyone. I had worked so hard to build my image and my popularity, and in just a matter of days, it was like everything revolved around her.” She grimaced. “I know it sounds like just petty jealousy but…” Her gaze stayed down, but even then he could see the cloud of something cover her face. It was a moment before she let the words out. “I had nothing.” 

Finally, the aching sadness hiding in her voice came to light between them, and it was like a knife in Simón’s chest. 

“If I wasn’t the queen of the rink, I had nothing,” she continued. “If I wasn’t the best at everything then people didn’t admire me, and if people didn’t admire me then… what did I have?” 

Simón’s throat tightened. It absolutely broke his heart how matter-of-factly she said all this, like it was a truth she’d known her whole life, and it weighed on her, left her void until he feared she’d vanish before his eyes.  

Where was Sharon? He wanted to say, to complain. He felt a spark of rage in a dark corner of himself he usually tried to deny existed. Where was this woman that she allowed Ámbar to feel so alone in the world? Where did she get off trying to ruin everyone’s lives and then running off, abandoning all her responsibilities? Why was it so hard for her to show Ámbar a mere speck of love? 

“I had Delfi and Jazmín, I guess,” Ámbar answered herself before he could say or do anything. Simón felt so powerless; frozen as he processed her grief. “We didn’t have the best friendship in the world, but… I should’ve appreciated them more.”  A moment passed and she straightened a bit, shaking herself slightly. “Whatever, it’s… that’s it. I felt like Luna was taking everything from me. My house, my boyfriend, my place in the Roller… so I wanted to take everything away from her too. I wanted her to hurt like I did.” 

Simón had seen the dark flame of anger and resentment in Ámbar’s face before. Many times, even before he got to really know her. This was the first time that seeing it hurt. 

He tightened his hold on her hand, the only thing he dared to do to not disrupt her. He didn’t agree with hurting Luna, of course not, but she already knew that and there was no need to say it. What he wanted her to know was I hear you, I’m with you. 

Ámbar met his eyes and the shadow of rancor faded away into a resigned smile; a tiny, sad thing. She shrugged weakly.  “But whatever I tried didn’t work. All I achieved was to make my life more miserable. I lost all my friends, I lost you…” Her gaze fell to their hands. A tiny smile appeared on her face again, but this time it came with a softness in her eyes.  “But for some inexplicable reason, even when I was at my worst times, you still had faith in me.” 

She reached over and held his hand between both of hers. “You saw I could be better under all that rage and that pain, and eventually, I started believing it too. And I realized that, although Luna shook my life forever… there was nothing I could do to change that. I didn’t get anything from raging at her being Sol Benson. I didn’t get anything from making her suffer, because even if it satisfied me somewhat, my life didn’t get any better because of it— In fact, it only seemed to get worse. So, I let it go,” she said with a light tone. “I let go of that rage I had for things I couldn’t change and Luna also couldn’t change.” She shrugged. “And here I am.” 

The lightness felt almost out of place after everything that had been said, but it was still a relief to see Ámbar okay, at ease, after how much she’d suffered. Simón almost didn’t want to— it felt too much of a solemn moment— but he found himself growing a tiny smile. He was so proud of her. For living all she went through and not letting it pull her under. For turning her life around against all her learned behaviors and finding the best version of herself. 

“Her little goody-two-shoes act still irks me sometimes though.”  

Yep, definitely still herself. 

Simón gave her a look, but there was no bite to it. “It’s not an act; she’s genuinely a good person.”

Ámbar waved it away half-heartedly. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”  

He played with the fabric of his sweatpants. “So… can I assume you two won’t fight anymore?”

“Can I assume she’ll stop being annoying?” 

She rolled her eyes at the look on his face and held his shoulder with her free hand. “I’m kidding. I promise I’m not gonna antagonize your best friend anymore. We’re actually on pretty decent terms now. And even if we weren’t, I’d never put you in that position. You’re worth more to me than any rivalry I could have with anyone.” 

A surge of affection squeezed his heart. Simón brought her into his arms and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.” He pulled back to look at her. “Truly. For telling me all this. For trusting me, and for giving Luna a chance. It means a lot to me.” 

She held the back of his neck. “You mean a lot to me. So everything that’s important to you, it’s important to me too.” Her hand slid to cup his cheek. “There’s very little in this world I wouldn’t do for you, Simón.” 

His chest hurt again. His whole interior twisted and tore apart as if she had clawed him open, but it was the best feeling in the world. 

Simón pulled her close and kissed her. “I love you.” 

Ámbar smiled. “I love you too.” 

********************

Ever since Juliana came back, the Roller guys were more insufferable than ever. 

Benicio was sitting in the cafeteria, nursing a glass of juice as he waited for Emilia to start their morning practice. Lately, everywhere he looked he could see the losers’ smiling faces, hear their ridiculous laughs over the stupidest things, and worst of all, he had to live knowing they used his rink every afternoon. 

Benicio clenched his jaw. He missed the old days. He missed seeing the logo of the Red Sharks followed by his picture on the screens.  But no matter. People would respect them eventually. Everyone would come to know he was the best, one way or another. 

He tapped his fingers idly on the table, switching between looking at his phone and throwing glances at the entrance of the Roller. Waiting would be more fun if he could look at Ámbar while at it, maybe get a rinse out of her— she looked so gorgeous when she got mad— but for some reason, she wasn’t at her usual table today. Maybe she would arrive later. Or maybe he was the one too late to catch a glimpse of her before she went out somewhere. 

The next time he lifted his head to check if Emilia had arrived, it wasn’t her nor Ámbar who he saw. Simón was marching towards him before he was even aware of his presence on the other end of the Roller. He stood in front of him with an accusatory look just as Benicio left his phone on the table. 

“I know it was you and Emilia who tightened those skates.” 

Benicio repressed the urge to smirk. Oh yeah, that had been a masterstroke on his part. At first, he’d been dubious about how much of an uproar such a small thing could cause, but it was just a matter of choosing the right target. Oh, how he would’ve loved to stay there yesterday to watch it all go down, but it was too risky, so he and Emilia left when the woman marched to berate Ámbar. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he responded innocently.  

Simón scoffed. “You’re always like that; throwing the stone and hiding your hand, blaming others. Even back in Mexico. You’re a coward, Benicio.”

“Don’t project on me, Simón,” he said simply. He laid back on his chair, his hands clasped together casually on the table. Maybe he had to look up at him due to their positions, but he was the true superior one here. “Whatever problem you had doing your job has nothing to do with me. And, I mean, why do you even worry? You have your little girlfriend to defend you. Oh, right, your boss, sorry.” 

Simón shook his head, staring at him with a mix of annoyance and incredulity. “You’re just never going to stop, are you?” He said. “Does seeing me with Ámbar really make you that jealous? Well, pity, because that’s not going to change.” A smile full of hostility and condescension appeared on his face. “All your little stunt with the skates achieved was that we had a very deep conversation and now we’re closer than ever. So, thank you. And give my thanks to Emilia as well, okay?” 

Benicio tightened the grip of his hands until it hurt. Simón placed his hands on the table and leaned closer, dropping the fake smile. “Stop wasting your time and don’t cause any more trouble for Ámbar or you’ll be dealing with me,” he said sharply, his expression dark and serious. “If you really cared about her, that’d be the minimum you would do.” 

Simón stormed away, not deigning him with the luxury of a comeback.

Benicio stayed in his seat, festering in his anger. 

Simón could laugh all he wanted now but Ámbar would be his in the end. Step by step, he would make sure of it. 

…

..

.

------------------

Okay I’m sorry for pointing this out myself but it’s so funny because: 

Simón: Ámbar is so much cooler than me, she’s seen the world, her default is luxury, she’s smart, she’s driven, she’s gonna go out there and eat the world up and I’m gonna be here waiting tables. 

Ámbar: Simón is so cool, he knows so many things that I have no idea about, I don’t know how he manages to be a waiter, I wouldn’t have the patience for it, and with a smile no less! He always gives his best, I admire him so much, I hope someday I can be half the person he is. 

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also, how ironic is it that me, the writer, realized this juxtaposition just now as I was writing it? 😂 Like, I didn’t plan on Ámbar having that introspection moment there, it just happened, and then I went… oh. skjfdnskf. Simón, my boy. He had a rough time today but it ended on a high note <3 He’ll miss that eventually.  

[dojae-huh]

Random question

Do you think their relationship (jh and do) will become toxic? Although lately their relationship looks good and even seen a lot on camera unlike the previous year. Will the relationship go smoothly? Or will it turn toxic?

The bigger and longer the relationship, the more love will be lost which turns into love between families. Are they able to distinguish the love between families they have with their love with other members?

Then will their relationship become toxic for themselves, considering that both of them are stubborn and have a fairly high sense of possessiveness. Will their relationship remain healthy in the future?

Then do you feel that lately Do has been showing a lot of openness about his relationship? Even though jh and do have the same insta vibes but lately, do really like posting the vibes that jh posted first. Likewise with the two tiktoks randomly showing their private tiktok only a few days later. Is there any chance of them announcing their relationship later? Even though in South Korea the relationship is still pros and cons.

Sorry, maybe you are dizzy reading my consecutive and not coherent questions. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

I think whether JaeDo part will depend on the life circumstances. I can see a scenario where they can decide it is better to break up, however, I also think that fans and fanfic writers are too keen on this idea (due to JaeDo's on public "divorce").

JaeDo are long past the strictly lust phase when chemicals change the brain and perception of the partner, they are already at the "familial" stage. Many smart and art-oriented people function as life partners (from "partnership", doing something together for mutual benefit, towards one goal).

Both Jae and Do have parents who are still married. Therefore they have this example of a happy marriage and can always consult "pros", i.e. their parents for relationship advice. Doyoung met a couple who rekindled their love after husband's illness on MITH. He has a lot of opinions about the marriage (for example, kids shouldn't be born to be a tool for their parents to feel happy). He is a planner.

A marriage is a thing that needs investment and care. However, that's something the two are good at. Their idol live taught them both how to understand/accept others and how to overcome hardships. As well as the value of the help and support from friends.

I think many shippers look at JaeDo as a circumstational couple. You know, how people in small towns marry someone from their school for lack of choice. Therefore, they think that with time the relationship accumulate problems. However, JaeDo are together despite the circumstances.

There were many divorces during Covid because married couples had to spend a lot of time together in their flats, and interact, and get on each other's nerves, and find out that they can't stand each other for a prolonged time instead of a few hours in the morning and in the evening.

JaeDo spend 24/7 together, and only get stronger. Their compatibility was tested many times. They already went through many obstacles (2017 and Jae's broken heart, Taeyong as Do's bff planning to stay forever by his side, Do's burn out, Jae's scandal and cancellation of acting projects, the tensions among 127 neos during the pandemic, the whole hiding, fake ships, solo stans, and all the irritation it brings).

JaeDo are not a young couple, they have been together for almost 10 years. A crush is also "romantic feelings and fixation", so it counts.

I do have fun with Jae's jealousy, while Do's possesiveness is what makes him betray himself and is worth attention, as such I bring them up often. However, the relationship has a huge amount of warmth, trust and mutual understanding, and that's what long-lasting couples always possess.

I think JaeDo cancel each other's potentially toxic traits nicely. For example, Jaehyun needs praise and cheering on, and Doyoung gives it freely without asking for something in return, he will never gaslight or belittle. Doyoung needs well expressed loyalty, and Jaehyun isn't one to have eyes for others and flirt for the fun of it. Jaehyun gets jealous easily, but Doyoung actually isn't a social butterfly and he knows how to demonstrate how much Jae matters with big or small gestures.

In short. Anything can happen in the future, but JaeDo are a couple made for a success and not an inevitable disaster.

Doyoung has been more open for many months now. The recent events are just fresh on memory.

Who knows, SK is changing fast. Maybe in 10 years it will be possible for celebreties to come out and preserve their job. And maybe k-pop fans will get used to the idea of their oppas getting partners.

Smitten with each other.

[quillsink]

concept for the community movie. it’s 2023 and the movie has finally been released and you sit down to watch it excited for what you’re about to see excited for new content about the characters. and then you realise something strange, you realise you’ve seen this situation before.

you recognise the troy you see on screen but it isn’t the troy you know and love. it’s troy fresh out of high school, troy with his hypermasculine demeanour, troy with his riverdale high letter jacket, troy with his class ring, troy with the cocky smile and faked overconfidence that never suited him. 

and you recognise the classroom—spanish 101, season 1 of community, you see britta lend abed a pencil, and hear her say she thinks she’s gonna flunk tomorrows test so she’s sorry if that makes her seem cold. and you see abed, a little less confident a little less grown up. you see him overhear a shallow, cocky statement from troy and watch him tilt his head to the side and look at troy curiously.

and soon, the movie the progresses, and you realise, this is the side of the show we never saw. this is troy and abed, their stories, their story, them meeting each other for the first time. their awkward first meeting at the fro-yo place unremembered as they get to know each other, as abed’s unashamed expression of himself confuses a hiding, pretending troy. 

and we see all the things we never get to see. we see their first meeting. we see the first time they held hands. we see the messy parts, we see the crying the messy gulping choking sobs the horrible ways in which both of them were hurt the wonderful ways in which they help each other heal. we see them decide to move in together, we see the part where they move in together. we see them living together, no annie yet, just the two of them, just a quiet smile at breakfast and a “hey, abed? i had a nightmare, can i…come down there?”

it’s a mix of things, an outsider’s view to a day from britta’s perspective as she fumbles with a stolen camera to segments from abed’s films where he and troy broke character to simply gaze at each other for a moment to outtakes from the dean’s commerical to security camera footage. threads woven together to tell a story we all knew was there from the start.

we see troy’s careful realisation, we see abed help him through it, we see the two come out to each other. we see what really went down in the 24-hour weird down in the dreamatorium before shirley’s wedding. we see the secret feelings underlying the pillows and blankets war, we see the hate concealing something much deeper they’re both trying to hide, we see a sequel that’s not just the friendship hats but a painful conversation that ends in forgiveness because it’s them, of course it will. 

and when the yam was killed. well. the tension had to be relieved somehow, didn’t it? and when abed and troy switched in good cop bad cop—well, that wasn’t the only thing they switched in.

we see the awkward, clunky relationship of obligatory heterosexuality between troy and britta, we see their attraction build and culminate in an unsatisfactory manner, we see abed observe jealously from the sidelines and try to be happy. we see a confession he makes quietly to the camera when troy’s not home.

we see a tearful conversation before troy left for ac repair school, without the rest of the study group, just them. we see the pain his leaving caused the both of them we see the blinding joy at his return and a conversation the two of them never tell anyone else about. 

we see a conversation following heroic origins where troy remembers everything, suddenly, and in an apology to abed vows to leave who he used to be behind forever, he’s himself now. everyone else can suck it, he’s not pretending one bit anymore.

we see troy leave. we see the pain in both of their eyes, we see geothermal escapism all over again, but we see another conversation between troy and abed, between the end of the game and the cloning and their final goodbyes. 

the years fly by, and we see see abed’s grief that tears him apart but he keeps going because he’s got his friends he’s still got himself and troy will come back. because eventually, it all will. and we see his disappointment and sorrow as more leave and soon, he can tell the shows coming to an end. because the cast is falling apart, the narrators lost interest, the narrative is repeating itself. 

we see abed check the tracker each day. we see his shaking hands as he drops the phone when he hears about troy’s kidnapping, see his choked sob of relief when he sees the good news troy’s alive and well. 

we see him go to LA, see him become known in the film industry, see his life flourish as he grows into himself, still in touch with the study group, builds a life for himself, amazing and happy, but there’s a hollow place in his soul.

as time moves forward, we cut between confessions to a camera, the audio terrible as both whisper, trying not to be heard by roommates or. well. levar burton. they miss each other, they’ve found a life for themselves but now they know what they tried so hard not to feel. they’re whole on their own, they can live apart, but. they don’t want to.

and then, we cut to another scene. a shaky, vertical camera, we see a video of the study group at a dock, see britta’s finger covering part of the camera. we see jeff condescendingly explain to her how to switch the camera and she does, swearing at him, and we see abed standing apart from the rest, staring at the sea.

annie squeals, and there’s the childish tycoon coming into sight, and soon, it’s docking, and we’ve switched mediums now, abed thinks, because he thought the show ended years ago but this can only be the ending of a movie—it can only be that, he thinks, as he and troy see each other in the flesh for the first time, and the music swells in the background, and the camera follows troy hurrying down the ladder and runs toward abed, who’s standing completely still, overwhelmed by troy right in front of him after years of blurry pixelated occasional calls and the odd text or letter. 

as the song reaches its climax, the two move towards each other and kiss, and then cut to a terrible quality recording of the kiss on britta’s phone with her cheering and annie squealing in the background, and jeff’s sarcastic comment on britta’s shitty phone ends the movie as the credits roll.

[mattmaesonnatural]

Love your other headcanons! What’s your Headcanon for Eddie’s backstory?

Thank you sm!

Okay well if I’ve been writing a bunch of WIP fics so I’ve kinda of dissected what I think and.

Eddie wasn’t born in Hawkins, he was born in a different state. Had a seeming normal childhood of mom, dad and him, he went to school, liked to play tag, he had friends, he never went to bed hungry, his mom was his favourite person in the world, his dad was a little cold at times but nothing young Eddie couldn’t get past.

Then his mom gets sick when he’s 8 and it becomes hospitals and tests and a lot of crying and then she’s gone by the time he’s 9.

His dad starts drinking loses his job they end up moving to the trailer park in Hawkins because his dad knows someone who can get him a job at the local plant, Eddie moving in at school half way through the year makes the transition worse he becomes the new kid and is by default deemed weird. 

his dad then starts inviting him along to these business meetings in a sketchy building where men play poker and eddie sits for hours and watches these old men swear and drink and gamble. his dad takes him out of town for once and eddie thinks he’s getting the dad he’s always dreamed of fishing or camping or something you see in movies. instead Eddie’s dad teaches him to hotwire a truck and they take the truck to a guy who gives his dad a wad of cash only to return the next night to the same sketchy building to gambling it away again. eddie just thinks this is how adults are.

at 12, his dad is still drinking he’s still “working” but something feels off about it and they never talk about it but Eddie would rather be anywhere else than around him and forms a band, corroded coffin. his dad starts disappearing for days at a time but eddie thinks his dad is giving him responsibility and its fun to be able to invite his friends/bandmates over to play dnd without the fear of his dad barging in. 

he ends up going through changes as a teen and finds his moms jewelry box in an old suitcase when he’s 13 he takes the thick metal band and starts wearing it on his right hand. he ends up hiding the box in an old abandoned hunting cabin out in the woods so his dad can’t pawn it. 

Eddie doesn’t date or really think about girls because he’s more focused on his band and his dnd campaign when this punk band comes to play at the local theatre and all his friends are talking about going Eddie does the local paper run for 3 months worth of sundays to afford a ticket. There, he realizes that he’s attracted to the male lead singer and it changes him completely. 

Eddie’s 2 days away from turning 15 when his dad is incarcerated for carjacking and eddie is sitting in the police station while his uncle wayne is called. 

from there uncle wayne moves in and actually gets a job at the planet unlike his father. eddie befriends reefer rick and starts being his helper. Eddie finds out the dishwasher guy at the 24 hour dinner on the hill does tattoos out of truck on friday nights. He befriends him too. eddie grows his hair out. finds new rings to wear. loves to paint and draw and play guitar for all hours of the day. 

he fails his senior year on purpose the first time. having no clue what he would do outside of high school because its easy. high school is easy. the second time he actually did try but comes up short in grades in 1 class and he’s pretty sure it’s because Mrs O’donnell saw him smoking a joint behind the school’s dumpsters one day. His third go around he meets these nerdy kids that worship him and for once he feels like he’s doing something right with his life by being their friend.

[phawareglobal]

Victoria McKinnon - phaware® interview 469

Victoria McKinnon shares her personal experience with pulmonary hypertension, specifically her son Owen’s eight week battle with the condition. Owen was diagnosed with alveolar capillary dysplasia (ACD), a genetic disease that causes pulmonary hypertension. Despite initial improvements, they ran out of treatment options and ultimately had to make the difficult decision to remove care. Victoria emphasizes the importance of communication and honesty from healthcare professionals, as well as the support and knowledge gained from joining online support groups. She also discussing her fundraising efforts to support research and find solutions for children with PH. Learn more about Victoria’s fundraising efforts: www.withlovefromowen.com 

My name is Victoria McKinnon. I'm from Boulder, Colorado right now. My connection to pulmonary hypertension is my son died from pulmonary hypertension two and a half years ago after eight weeks of life-fighting pulmonary hypertension.

Owen arrived within an hour of his due date. There was no indication that anything was going to be wrong. There was nothing wrong during the pregnancy. He actually arrived seemingly healthy. He weighed a lot. He was long. He was healthy. He came out with a big scream. It was only over the course of the first 24 hours, that we realized something was wrong. He went into respiratory distress and was intubated. We got transferred to the local children's hospital in Colorado. They assumed that it was pneumonia. We progressed. We were treating it. After a week, it wasn't getting better. He all of a sudden crashed. I'll never forget him crashing on ECMO. It was when a nurse ripped off a medical tape. We now know with pulmonary hypertension, these sort of events can precipitate a pulmonary crisis. It was extremely traumatic.

At that point, after he went on ECMO, they suspected ACD, alveolar capillary dysplasia, a genetic disease that causes pulmonary hypertension due to the misalignment of the pulmonary veins. We waited for a diagnosis from the genetics, but unfortunately, we didn't get an answer. They came back positive the genetics were totally fine. Before removing care, we decided to go ahead and do another echocardiogram. The echo actually showed positive improvement. So that kind of bought us time. We thought, "Man, this is a miracle." We had our voodoo candles out. We were so excited. Then we spent weeks three through seven trying to decide what medicine to do next. We were on Riociguat, Sildenafil, all the big hitters in pulmonary hypertension for neonates. Unfortunately, we ended up running out of options.

Even though he came off ECMO, he was extubated and he was able to be on a high-flow nasal cannula. Ultimately, there wasn't any more we could do. He was definitively dependent on NO (nitrogen) and was not stable enough for a lung transplant. So without a diagnosis and without knowing what to do and what this even is, we ended up getting really good advice from our pulmonary hypertension doctor. I will forever be grateful for this, because I do think that he kind of stuck his neck out on the line and gave us his true human empathetic answer.

For us, it was removing care. I didn't want to incite any more pain on Owen that he was already in. So we did remove care and it was only after his death that we learned that Owen and myself actually lack the FOXF1 promoter that causes ACD that was found in the regulatory region postmortem that was not tested. They only tested the exome when he was two weeks old, so that's how it was missed. 

We went from, "Oh my goodness, which onesie am I going to have his newborn photos taken in?" I had a bunch screen printed with his name on it. I had a newborn photographer all lined up. I was so stressed, should I get my hair done? Should I not? The silliest things in your life. It all just came crashing down where we are just like, okay, is he going to keep breathing another minute? It was a really challenging eight weeks, but you're just single-threaded on survival for him. But it was really challenging.

There were a few things that brought us enormous comfort. At along every step, we joined a Facebook group or a community. So when we were just in the NICU and it was pneumonia, I joined the NICU moms group. Then, when it was like, oh, there's pulmonary hypertension, then it's ACD, and then it's interstitial lung disease, I actually joined a Facebook group in all of those and learned what would life look like with this diagnosis? When we joined the lung transplant group, what would it look like? What are our options? All of that sort of stuff. Ultimately, the only group where we were a member of now was the ACD group, but I think having something like phaware would've been really helpful. Granted, in those eight weeks, it's hard to find all of these things, but these sorts of networks bring so much comfort and also knowledge.

My husband Daniel has a PhD in material science. I think that that carried over to him reading every single PubMed article related to this. We were reading about clinical trials. Dan on the NICU glass wall that slides and opens up to get in the room, had taped 40 different papers all highlighted, did a tree, had written the PubMed numbers on it, trying to ask questions. He would interrogate them at rounds for an hour. All of the nurses would walk away. They're like, "This is a waste of my time." But we just went into what can we do to help? Maybe they're missing something. Maybe there's something else. So to go from, should I do my hair curly to is there a clinical trial and a rat that might save my son was just really horrible.

Right now, we're at this pulmonary hypertension conference for pediatrics and neonates. I was asked to give a 10-minute talk. While I could talk for hours about Owen, I wanted to just monopolize on an opportunity to give them something to work with. So yes, this is a really sad story. Yes, there's horrible things in the world, but how can you make our horrible days less bad? So that's kind of how it came about.

As a call to action for nurses, respiratory therapists, all of the doctors and physicians that are helping us, I have five asks from parents. I've consulted other parents in compiling these asks. Through that task, I did realize the breadth of requests from parents. I will caveat this list of five asks with, I think the best practice is to just ask how a parent wants to be communicated to, but these are my takeaways and what I would ask from my personal experience.

The first ask is the hardest. We found that during the ambiguous end-of-life decisions, we were given a lot of information, but we didn't have the context surrounding it. This was my first baby and only baby, and we haven't seen what is a survivable sick kid and what is not. During those decisions, only Dr. Kinsella offered his compassionate perspective on what he would do if it was a family member. I'm asking as a human, as a mom to another doctor what they would do. I am asking specifically, because I trust them and I am curious.

I know that this may not be shared with all of the parents to want to hear a personal opinion, but when directly asked, please go ahead and share because as a mother, I couldn't possibly have made the most impossible decision you could think of without the recommendation of someone who has seen infinitely more sick kids than I have. So his opinion was the ultimate gift of freedom for me from rumination or any guilt. So that's the first ask.

The second ask is honesty. I'm going to tell a little story, and it sounds very silly, but I actually think he was really incredible. So we call him the “Pizza Tie” doctor. He's a very cheery pulmonologist. We had never met him and he shared his point of view with the most hysterical fashion. We asked if he thought Owen had ACD and he said no. We asked if he thought Owen had another interstitial lung disease and he said yes. We thought that this was good news. He said no. We asked if he thought Owen would live, and he said no. He said all of this with a smile like recommending a soup. While this sounds very unusual, I think “Pizza Tie” doctor provided us with that direct clarity that we really needed to prepare for the worst. So I think the direct answers in a way were the most compassionate and most informative. He didn't know the answers, but he gave us his opinion. I think that that was great. So second one is honesty.

The third one is very unanimous along parents. If you're listening to this, you've probably received it, you're probably in the weeds. But we want to learn the diagnostic algorithm. What this means is what is the decision tree of options. What are the options of diagnoses? What are the pieces of information we need to go through to eliminate those options? We loved knowing this. I'm sure that as a physician or a nurse or a caretaker, your options are more vast and maybe you want to give us a pared-down list so we don't have unnecessary worrying. But I think, for us, the information and the education was incredibly empowering.

The fourth one is parents network and Facebook. As you guys all know, there's NICU groups, there's interstitial lung disease groups, there's ACD groups, there's lung disease Facebook groups. There's so much activity in these Facebook groups. During our research in the hospital, we not only use these Facebook groups to learn about the disease, we learned what is the quality of life going to be with these diseases. Then, we also connected with other parents. I think that that has been the most impactful.

There's a child in Florida that's a few years old and I am friends with the mother. While we were in the hospital, she was a few months ahead of us and she gave us so much advice about NICU, questions asked, things like that. Thank heaven her son is still alive and breathing. It's such a miracle and I am still so grateful for her. Another parent, an ACD parent, ended up moving down the street. Another ACD parent ended up being the DJ at our Children's Hospital fundraiser. 

Lastly, the last ask for number five is when you are escalating intervention. Let's say you're on high-flow nose cannula or you're intubated, preparing us for what would it look like for the next intervention if the worst were to happen would really help remove some of the trauma. For me, one of the darkest memories through Owen's life was the day he crashed and went on to ECMO. I will never forget when the nurse ripped off the band-aid, he wasn't breathing, he started to turn blue. I couldn't do anything. And all of a sudden, the room filled with 30 people. It was so traumatic. Whenever I'm in a doctor's office or in a hospital room, unfortunately, I've had this experience again with my dad and nurses flood in. I completely lose it and panic. I've had to do a lot of EMDR therapy for it. But I think what would really help, and my ask for physicians and doctors is to help prepare us.

If you are at intervention intubation, tell us what would happen, what are the conditions that would be required for us to go to ECMO. Or if we're on an high-flow nose cannula, what oxygen do we go to intubation or things like that. I think talking it through, maybe even getting the paperwork ready so it's not a last-minute decision with ECMO would really change it for the parent, because it is something that I've continued to have to work through to be able to go to a doctor's office or if there's a lot of people running somewhere quickly. I know that you can't stop these emergent situations, but preparing us is that. 

Owen had three moments of joy. Well, hopefully, more than that, but there are three call out moments of joy and they would not be possible without the physicians and the nurses and the research that has made this all possible. Without that ECMO bridge to more time, we wouldn't have got this. So I'm just so thankful for the medical staff and doctors. So thank you to any of those listening.

The first moment of joy was actually planned by one of his nurses, and it was night staff and our on-call attending, Dr. Paul Roseanne even made an appearance at 1:00 AM for his two-week birthday party within the hour. A nurse brought hats, balloons, and one respiratory therapist was a trained clown and made blow-up balloon animals, which escalated to sword fights in the hallway. Night shift is way more fun. We spent every night at the hospital sleeping with Owen in the room. So we were able to take part in all of that fun. ECMO, albeit a bridge to nowhere, let us reclaim a traumatic departure and have these happy moments like this birthday party. The nursing staff was just absolutely incredible and thought of everything, and we're so grateful for that one.

The second moment of joy wasn't really a moment, but a series of moments. Dr. Kinsella, our attending ordered physical therapy while balancing that we're in palliative care decision-making. I think that the physical therapy brought increased connection, engagement, and positive interactions to Owen and to us. He had a little maraca, he would shake, at least I would claim that he would shake. Maybe he was accidentally shaking it. It's unclear. He was only a few weeks old, but I would say he was very advanced for his age. He also had this little light up crab and that was all gifted from physical therapy. I think when you're a little baby and all the physical touch you're having is pain, being able to introduce some positive movement let us take control back from the situation. 

The last event, and I don't know if everyone is going to be able to do this at their hospital, but we might have broken some rules. It's unclear, but we were able to get Owen onto the helipad to see the son before we removed care and he passed away. Owen was so captivated by the surroundings and the sun. I remember him just turning his head looking back and forth up at the sky. He was a little cold and he did not like the wind, but the sun and the sky, he was just enamored with it. It just rejuvenated us all. The photos of us on the roof being happy, we were singing to him, it was just the most cherished memories of my entire life. I think that that is something that doctors can help enable in the future, is allowing these sort of special moments to come through, whether it's outside or whatever.

After Owen passed, we were a little lost. We knew we wanted to have kids. Man, having Owen and just experiencing that unconditional love, it got us hooked. We really wanted to have a family. We love Owen and we want to have more kids. That has not been in the cards for us yet. We were in Boulder, Colorado. We had bought this house for Owen. Within three weeks of knowing that I was pregnant, we were like, "We need to get a house." We bought a house for him. We just couldn't live in this five-bedroom house alone anymore, so we're renting it out. We're moving back to San Francisco. 

But what we're doing while we're waiting as a positive is we're doing a lot of fundraising, hearing what doctors are doing and the research. If we can help fund more private investigators to write more papers or to travel to these conferences and learn more, I want to make that happen. So, we are fundraising, we're just going through our local Children's Hospital and that they're distributing it to things like this conference to get more speakers at this conference and things like that. We host an epic rager where it's in Owen's honor, but we really want it to be a fundraiser and a positive thing. We had a band, we had it catered, we had glow sticks. We're really trying to bring joy and happiness into making a change and to finding answers to finding solutions and helping the kids that haven't been born or the kids that are still here with us make their lives better.

So that is my passion. That's what I'm working for. We thought about trying to switch and become doctors or something, but we've decided we're just going to keep working and just donate money. So that's what my passion is. That's what we're doing. It's really an honor to be here and to get to hear the research that they're doing. I hope to further that.

My name is Victoria McKinnon, and I'm aware that my son was rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Follow us on social @phaware Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware Share your story: info@phaware.com

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

[thebloomingbodygraph]

A is for Authority

When I first started researching Human Design, I remember seeing so many people talking about just following something called Strategy and Authority...

I was ticked off because I didn't know what that meant, and every explanation I came across didn't seem to make any sense.

Turns out it just wasn't the time to understand yet. A few years passed and it resurfaced in a friend's Instagram post. All of a sudden, there it was -- a bodygraph, the chart component of Human Design. Instantly I knew it was time. Time to study, time to learn, time to put the pieces together.

And then I saw it again -- strategy and authority.

Only, this time I smiled, and then went straight for the source textbooks written by Ra himself.

Authority, if you're new to HD, is the method of decision making that is most aligned for your circuitry. (Whereas strategy is the way you interact with the world.)

There are lots of types of authority, especially for Projectors. You can be a splenic Projector, a sacral Manifesting Generator, an Ego Manifestor... to name a few.

I remember when I found out I was an emotional authority, and how I wasn't supposed to make spontaneous decisions. I remember thinking back on all of the spontaneous yeses, spur-of-the-moment ideas, and last-minute urges I'd listened to... and then come to really regret it.

Turns out, we're all conditioned to make decisions with our minds. But our minds? We can't trust those to make decisions. (Look at the track record in your own mind if you don't believe me...)

I got curious. Who would I be if I didn't make decisions with my mind? Who would I become? Could I even trust that? What if it decided something stupid? What if I didn't think it made sense? OMG. What if I embarrass myself because of something my emotional authority said yes to? Am I really going to trust this? Do I really have to take my time to decide?

I opted to test the waters. (I'm a line 1/3... of course I did it in the name of learning more). I ran the next few big decisions through my solar plexus... ones that were bigger than choosing my dinner, but less severe than say... moving cross-country.

The first decision I ran by my authority was about a relationship. I had wanted to end a relationship I was in, but was feeling wishy-washy about it. Instantly, as I thought of the other half of the relationship, I knew I had to get clear... and now I knew how to arrive at that clarity.

I learned that those of us with emotional authorities are about half of the population. We need to make decisions over time, in high points of our wave (joy, excitement, etc), in neutral moments of our wave, and in low moments of our wave (sadness, despair, hopelessness).

I learned that it takes time to go through that wave of emotions and that often times we can make a decision before we're out of that wave. Which is why I would commit to something and then a day or two later, I would regret it. I learned to at least give it 24 hours before you say yes to something.

The biggest thing emotional authorities can do to help ourselves is to sleep on decisions.

Everything is a no until it's a yes? I wasn't sure I could live that way, but this wishy-washy relationship decision was enough of an edge to "lend" decision-making to this "human design process" and see what could happen.

I was ready to renegotiate the relationship, but I wasn't sure how I felt about that or when to bring it up. I don't shy away from hard conversations; my old patterning is to be spontaneous and say it without processing. With this new choice to make decisions with my authority, I waited for the conversation. I wanted to decide the time to have that talk based on my solar plexus (the emotional center) and its timing instead of what I was used to.

I noticed my emotional wave. Feeling low most of the day, feeling high points at the end, and the next day being balanced, only to feel that wave shift again the following day. I started to pay attention to the ebb and flow of my mood, checking in on how I felt about the relationship conversation in each point of the wave.

I noticed that initially, I was a very big NO for the conversation. I was hesitant, my body felt like it was caving in energetically. I didn't feel stable or open or grounded. So I waited.

Then I got some great work news and was in a high, and thought about the relationship again. I noticed that I was anxious, that the buzz in my stomach can feel like excitement when it's actually fear and adrenaline and pangs of dread. I noticed that I was still a NO for having that conversation.

I continued through neutral, still hearing no, for about a week's time. Then, on a Saturday morning, I woke up with a peace in my belly as I thought about that conversation. It took me by surprise, as by this time, I was annoyed about how long the decision to "have a simple conversation" was taking. I laid in bed, laughing at my surprise sensation of peace, and felt grounded.

I kept thinking about the conversation in this groundedness and felt nothing but serene, present, calm awareness. It was time.

I had the conversation and was more present, thoughtful, kind, and open than I had ever been. The conversation, which I thought would've broken me up with this partner ended up reuniting us in a different, much healthier, more connected way. They're still a part of my life, and I'm so grateful -- so grateful -- I listened to my authority instead of just blurting something out haphazardly.

Relationships and partnerships are big decisions to start with, and the rest weren't small either. It's been three years since I woke up with that first sensation of peace in my belly, and I've trusted my authority every day since. It started as a game, or a quest for testing out this system known as Human Design.

It is ongoing as a way to live my life -- the only way to live my life.

Each time and every time I honor my authority in my decision-making, I am surrounded by what seems like magic. It feels so successful, so pleasing, so incredible. There are jobs that have materialized seemingly out of thin air after waiting on a decision.

I recently commented on someone's Facebook after waiting for my authority to give me the green light -- it took a YEAR. But after I commented, I literally had a Human Design class organize itself in the comments of my thread. I'm teaching it at the end of this week.

My solar plexus doesn't steer me wrong. And that's the power of authority. It gives me a way to bypass my self-doubt, not listen to my spleen center's fears, and know what to trust. In a world where things are scary often, that can be the biggest respite -- knowing exactly how to choose what's best and to trust it.

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[kirishoshego]

Moneypulated PT.2//Aizawa

!!!MINORS DNI!!! 18+ONLY!!!

Special thanks to Emmie for creating this awesome S&M event and letting me participate and those who requested a part two of my first Aizawa piece x

If you like Sadism and Masochism, BNHA; AOT and Haikyuu the event is definitely for you :)

Pairing: Sadist!Mob-Boss!Dom!Aizawa x Masochist!Sub!femreader Words:3.2+

Summary: When your life is threatened Aizawa realized just how important you are to him. A small fight leaves you bend over the couch, cross eyes and leads to him admitting his feelings for you.

TW: slight mention of torture (a bit more at the end), s&m, controlling Aizawa, calling him sir, knife play (no blood), slight ass and nipple play, orgasm denial, slight oral, biting, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, slight bit of degration and teasing

Three month, three weeks and three days. That’s how long it took you to develop positive feelings for him. He gave you everything, but privacy, something you had to learn rather quick because that man was strong and even though he doesn’t look like it, heavy. You told him no twice. The first time left you bruised for at least three days, fucked into oblivion. The second time left you sobbing from his impact play. You hated how little you could control your body, dripping wet before he slipped into you. Something he would love to taunt you with. „Always so quiet and modest. Yet here you are begging to be fucked by a criminal after he spanked you blue and green. Don’t tell me you like that. Tsk, dirty girl,“ he told you with a slight smirk on his face, one hand having a strong hold in your hair to hold you up so he could look at you. The other one pinched and played with clit, milking orgasm after orgasm.

He knew how to work his charm, knew how to impress you. Listened, remembered basically every detail about you. Aizawa wanted to know everything about you, from childhood memories to teenage drama to your goals and dreams. Of course he was genially interested in you, after all he wanted you at his side, but it was also helpful to know one or too secrets. Just in case. It was understandable that he was a bit shocked and also even more alarmed when Shota noticed how fast you adapted to the captive state of yours. There was no attempt of you running away, either because you knew it wouldn’t work with guards everywhere around you, or because you were afraid. So he tested it out. Gave you a car, told you to go enjoy yourself, get pampered for a surprise he had prepared.

First thing you did was getting new underwear because as much as you… appreciated him buying it for you you would like to have a few comfortable pieces that cover more than 3 inches of your skin. You stopped to get a nice drink at a small restaurant, got a small snack before you ended up buying four new plants. A smile creeped up on his face when his phone signaled him he got a new message from Shinso. Attached to it was a picture of you smiling while picking up the most sad looking flower he had ever seen.

It happened while driving back. You realized happiness started to form in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Excitement about showing him what you had bought. How could you be happy? After how he treated you in front of so many men, so many strangers. But then again he took care of a man who had sold you for his addiction. You knew he was in the hospital right now, after trying to enter the casino again. At first you thought he was there to get you, to show at least some sort of remorse. Even though their boss told them not to tell you those details Denki let it slip that Kirishima caught him gambling. With that your last string of attachment ripped apart. It wasn’t hard to choose between being left alone with nothing or a slightly questionable man who (as much as you would like to deny it) made you feel good, save and wanted.

That day was the first time he took you to the casino with him, introduced you to a part of his world. The one that was less brutal. He wouldn’t not let you see someone getting tortured. But he knew how gruesome it can get and even though he wouldn’t tell anyone, he threw up after his first time, felt sick the first five. It just made it so much easier to get people to talk. Or make them stop. Sometimes they need to be taught a lesson or too to not put their noses in his businesses.

Rumors started to spread around fast after your first appearance. Shota Aizawa has a trophy wife. Something that made him weak. A pretty one on top of that and she was supposed to be his little lucky charm. Every table you appeared at, the house would win. You didn’t play yourself, you only sat besides your... Well, besides the mob boss himself.

There was no explanation for it really, it wasn’t luck per se. It was math. Some liked math in school, some didn’t. What you liked more though was winning. And games like these were hard to predict, but not impossible. Another aspect were their faces. Everyone focused on their face and those of others, tried to keep cool while detecting a mistake of others that they forgot about other limbs. Some tapped their fingers against the table or cards, others would play with their drink, swirling the ice cubes around without touching it. Some bounced their legs, crossed them, scratched them. Once you caught their mistake it was over for them.

While some got scared because of it, others seemed to find a challenge in it. They wanted to beat you. How could you know that one night you will have the son of another mob boss on the table? He was supposed to be a spy, simply collect information about you and leave. But the opportunity to beat you and therefor Aizawa was too alluring. How could he know that he will lose almost 33 Million yen in one night? And with those 33 Million yen came a big target right on your back.

In less than 24 hours a collection of pictures and informations about you was delivered to Peony. In less than 24 hours your world was turned upside down yet again. The freedom you were given was taken away in order to protect you. His worry for you was understandable but when he decided to have Bakugo and Kirishima on your heels 24/7 you had enough.

--------------------------------------------

„I’m inside the house! The house has walls almost thrice as high as Kirishima’s 7 foot frame, a massive garden with six well trained guard dogs running around. You have the best alarm system there is on the market and still I’m not even allowed to use the bathroom in private. It’s humiliating,“ you explained to him angrily. „I would rather humiliate you than pick up your dead body limp by limp,“ he tried reasoning. „Do you even hear yourself? How can you say something like that? Do you not trust your men? I can defend myself! Eijiro has-„ suddenly you went quiet, realizing too late what gravitating mistake you just that you had just exposed yourself.

„Eijiro has what? Continue doll. I‘m all ears,“ he leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms over his in a black shirt clad chest. „We shouldn‘t be changing the subject now. I need-," „What you need is to tell me what Kirishima did,“ you wouldn‘t be so on edge if he yelled at you, screaming at the top of his lungs, slam his hand on the desk, anything. Instead he was dangerously calm, collected, ready for you to make the next step. Knowing you were trapped like a small mouse between a wall and an awaiting cat, only playing with its fear.

„I will tell you if you promise me he isn‘t going to suffer any consequences. He had no ill intentions,“ you started explaining, making a step forward and trying to look as timid as possible so he will show mercy. „You actually think you‘re in a position to negotiate? Oh darling, it is breaking my heart a tiny bit to see you’re underestimating me,“ he faked a pained expression before closing the gab between the two of you.

You knew better than to relax yourself into his touch as he caressed your cheek, planting a small kiss on your forehead.

„Now,“ Aizawa stood behind you within a second, your wrists in his hand behind your back, something cold against your neck. „Please continue before I lose the small amount of patience that is left inside of me,” he sounded threatening, his voice deep and raspy, mouth dangerously close to your ear lobe. The knife near your aorta send adrenaline through your whole body, your pussy pulsing as you caught sight of your current position in his window.

You noticed his eyes wandering over the curves of your body, as the sound heavy breathing hit your ear. It seems like he was holding back, but be the looks of it all he wanted to do was drag the knife along your clothes and watch it drop to the floor. It wasn’t on purpose, more or less, but your hand brushed against his crotch, hearing him hiss as you touched his hard length for a mere second. The grip on the red handle tightened, pulling your body into his and leading your hand back to his crotch.

Eyes met in the window as he licked his lips. He tilted your head back slightly with the tip of the sharp blade, kissing the spot behind your ear.

„Sorry kitten, but this isn’t the time to play,“ he whispered into your ear while you started massaging him through his suit pants. A smirk appeared on your face as you agreed with him ‚oh I know, sir‘ you basically purred. Within seconds you pulled yourself away from him with your whole strength, bowing as he went to grab your hair and kicking back into his stomach as you turned which send him to the floor as he stumbled. Grabbing the knife from his hand and dropping onto his hips as you held the knife to his throat.

„Eijiro taught me how to defend myself, so I don’t have creepy old men all over me,“ you told him, a sudden wisp of a moan leaving your throat as he grabbed your hips and ground his pelvis against yours. „I didn’t know I’m a creepy old man. Wasn’t it just yesterday that you begged me to stuff you? And wasn’t it you that screamed my name so the whole house could hear who fucks you ‚like a god‘? Hm… I must confuse you with someone else that came cross eyed all over me considering I don’t play with brats,“ as the last word left his mouth he flipped you around, turning you so your stomach was flat against the freshly cleaned floor, hand in between your shoulder blades to hold you down.

He thanked the sun for shining so brightly and the clouds for not appearing, considering it lead to you dressed in the shortest little sundress you could find in your closet. The color suited you so damn well and the dress made it so easy for him to uncover your ass. His hungry eyes starred at it in its full glory, feeling his rock hard cock to twitch in his pants.

The blade was dragged across your skin and he could have fucked you right then and there as he noticed how you tried to clench your legs, goose bumps appearing on your skin. „Don’t tell me you enjoy this, such a dirty girl,“ he stopped right at the hem of your underwear, dragging the flat side across your clit and earning another moan of yours. He chuckled, „I see.“

Suddenly the blade was back at your throat, his other hand massaging your ass. „If you try to move or forget to thank me I might have to use the sharp side next time and we don’t want that do we doll?“ Shota asked you, the tip slightly pressed onto your sweet spot as you took to long to reply for his liking. „No sir,“ your voice was slightly shaky as the anticipation inside of you grew. „Not so tough anymore, thought so,“ he loved your submissive state, every time he thought he went too far you were there dripping wet for him.

Without a warning his hand came down hard on your ass, massaging your cheek before disappearing again. „Thank you sir,“ you moaned, the next slap delivered right after. „Thank you sir,“ you said again, feeling our wetness slowly seeping through the thin fabric covering your cunt. Every once in a while he would dip his fingers between your folds, playing with your clit until you’re about to cum, only to stop and spank you again.

Once your ass was a bright red and noticeable handprints adorned your flesh he decided he had enough. The last few thank you’s gave away that you started crying softly, maybe slightly caused by the pain, but more at fault definitely were the denied orgasms.

„Had time to overthink your statement from earlier?“ Aizawa went down to your ass, pushing your panties to the side and dragging his tongue across your slit, dipping inside for a second to collect some of your juice. Kisses were plastered across your abused skin, bitting down onto it to hear you moan again.

„I give you ten seconds to go over to my couch, get undressed and bend over it,“ if you weren’t so incredibly needy right now you might even had begged for some more spanks.

You could hear him get undressed as you did the same, back turned to him to allow him a nice view on your behind.

You could feel his presence even before he touched you, the smell of his cologne mixed with his sweat hitting your nose. Rough hands collided with your ass once more, before wandering up your back, one finding its way into your hair, the other one holding his thick girth in his hand and dragging it from your clit to your hole. You whined as you noticed him going back down again with his tip, which lead to him plunging into your throbbing pussy all at once. Curses tumbled from the both of you, finally getting what you wanted.

Shota pulled you up by your hair, allowing his hand to play with chest. Cold metal came in contact with your nipples and only now did you realize that he had brought the knife with him. It took maybe a minute for your first orgasm to hit, considering the ones you were denied earlier had you on edge already. „Done already kitten? Does that mean you want me to stop?“ He knew it meant everything but. It’s just, having you beg for more gets him every time and he can’t deny how powerful it made him feel, which he needed now more than ever. „No, fuck. Please sir, need mo-oh, more,“ a moan cut through you as a single thrust hit your g-spot directly.

„Take it then,“ he pulled you down with him on the couch, his back against the backrest as you straddled his legs. Do to the new position his cock was even deeper than before and you were shaking with almost every bounce as you went up and down on him. Black eyes wandered from your face to your tits to your cunt, watching him disappear inside of you over and over again. Aizawa’s arms wandered from its resting place back to your body, one going to your back, the other one staying in the front.

You hissed, eyes growing wide as you felt rough fingers circling your puckering hole, while the other ones drew lazy patterns on your clit. Every now and then he would meet your movements, burying himself even deeper inside of you. By now you were a moaning mess, clenching around him as you could feel another knot building up in the pit of your stomach. „It’s alright, I got you. You can cum, I know you want to,“ Shota groaned, picking up the speed of his fingers and watching in pure bliss as you came undone once again, slowing down and pulling you into a deep kiss.

As you went to get up from him, your body now sensitive he grabbed your hips, pushing you down again. „Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean you get to control when we’re done,“ he said, delivering a harsh slip to the left side of your tits, before grabbing your throat and pushing you down into the mating press. „You have to remember your place doll. I get decide when we’re finished and I’m not done yet,“ he grunted, snapping his hips as the hand around you held you in place firmly. A warning slap heated up your tears stained cheek when you tried to wiggle away from him and he felt you clenching around his dick.

You looked so good with mascara running down your face, he thought, feeling himself getting closer and closer as you moaned his name like some sort of prayer. „Again, please,“ you said, feeling the third high coming. It took him a second to understand what you asked for, but when it finally clicked he cursed under his breath, telling you how perfect you are. As he slapped you again, holding your face in his hand and kissing your lips hotly you were holding onto his arm for dear life. Stars appeared in front your eyes as you came once again. You barely noticed anything but his thrusts turning sloppy before he released himself inside of you, buried deep and painting your insides white.

„I didn’t know pain turned you on so much,“ he said with a lazy smile on his face, looking down on your face, your embarrassed expression hardly hidden. „Me neither to be honest… You know how it went in the past,“ you hinted at your unsatisfied sex life with your ex husband, who thought doggy style was already pretty kinky. No shame to vanilla people, but now you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. „It’s good to know, we will test out more things in the future,“ the thought of it turned you on again already and you kissed his chest, letting him know you like the sound of that idea.

„I love you, you know?“ He mumbled as the two of you laid on the couch while drawing patterns on your back lazily. Your heart skipped a bit, this was the first time Aizawa mentioned his feelings for you. „You don’t gotta say it back, I know it’s all a bit messy,“ he said, kissing your forehead. „No, it’s just… After sex the mind is always bit-,“ „Yours might be after that but mine is as clear as ever,“ he cut you off, making you roll your eyes and laugh gently. „I love you too,“ it was mumbled, almost unnoticeable, but he heard you just fine which was all he needed.

————————————- Extra—————————————-

„I run this town. Piss me off again and your wife will find out about your little affair with your little lover boy. She’s pregnant, right? And you would like to be able to care for her don’t you? If so, I suggest you to never threaten my wife or my men ever again. It won’t just be your finger that I cut off, understood?“ He knew killing him off immediately will only cause war. He would win, of course, but it would be unnecessary and taking too much of his energy. „Yes Mister Aizawa,“ the hatred and fear in his eyes pleased him enough for the day, so he walked out of the room, ordering Bakugo to drop him off a few miles away from everyone. A nice nightly walk might clear his head he explained so the man bound to the chair could hear him just fine. „Don’t worry, I will let you keep your finger, but you should hurry, they turn bad fast,“ with that he went into the dark, ready to get home to you.

©kirishoshego//do not repost on any plattforms

[mafiaaubts]

BTS Mafia Profiles📁

Kim Namjoon- The Leader

* The Leader

* Was born into the Mafia.

* Always the smartest man in the room.

* Multilingual.

* Always has a plan.

* No one he trust more than his 6 brothers so he is very protective over them.

* Not really type to go on missions or meetings. Just doesn’t like the idea of people seeing his face unless it’s the last face they’ll see.

* HOWEVER when he does need to go on missions they normally end up bloodily. And meetings end earlier with them getting more than expected.

* He’s more of a Bring a gun to a knife fight just cause he has other shit to do.

* He’s the leader of 6 crazy mfs so he build he’s patient up high. He tries to not to get mad or starts fights but just as fast has one can start he can end it even faster. It’ll be a full on yelling match just for it to end up with him telling you what was done wrong.

* However this is a humble man so if he’s wrong he’ll own up to it but that’s rarely cause he’s never wrong.

* He drives himself.

* If he lives the expensive life style so does his brothers.

* Always checking on his brothers around him and making sure they have everything they need.

* In the life of a Mafia leader trusting people come rarely so he’s going to keep the people trust the most safe and comfy.

* And those people are his brothers.

Kim Seokjin

* The Hacker/Doctor/Lawyer

* Oldest in the mafia gang.

* Namjoon second right hand man, handles all the Legal activities/papers.

* Steps in for Namjoon at times, goes to all the meetings for him, meets all potential partners, handles anything Joon hands him and never fails.

* Given that Jin is the face everyone meets first he is dressed to impress 24/7.

* He willing to do just about anything to protect his younger ones.

* He learn the Law and then went to Medical school. He can at least keep them out of jail ~mainly keep the the younger, more reckless members from being dead on the floor.

* His main skill/job is being a damn good hacker. Can get into anything.

* Given that he’s been the oldest brother to 6 others his patient is high so he doesn’t get mad easily. It would take a lot to make him mad something like a death threat made to his brothers.

* He’s the type of mad that he doesn’t need to fight or yell to prove his point he’s death glares are enough.

* On his bad side, he’ll make anyone life a living hell. From draining their bank accounts to just making their whole identity disappear from the world.

* Seokjin is the one of the members that doesn’t mask his personality. He’s charming personality always leads him to get what he wants.

* He enjoys cooking for his brothers.

* If he isn’t cooking he taking everyone to a new 5 start restaurant every week just to try the food with them.

Min Yoongi(SUGA/AGUSTD)

* The Drug Dealer

* He isn’t just a drug dealer he does all kinds of jobs the only thing is it’s always done at night.

* This man can deal anything from guns to people.

* He is more of a shoot first ask later. It makes Hobi mad sometimes cause when he wanted to get information out of them Yoongi would have already had a bullet in their head.

* DOES NOT like messy scenes but when he having a weird combination of being tired and aggravated he’s patience no longer exist. If someone so much as breathe too loud he’ll pull his gun out and ready to drop him.

* Messy scenes like has happen enough time for Namjoon to always check on Yoongi before going to the mission or out on a deal; the brother learn to pick up the bloodlust that Yoongi radiate so they tend to stand behind him or just walk far enough to give him space but stay close enough to help if he needs it.

* Just like Joon getting in a fight with him is a yelling match but he’s not a clear headed fighter so he says off the wall shit.

* Gun collection is at a minimum. He’ll test and go through a lot of guns just to fine the perfect one that work for him. So it’ll be more of a personal collection that’s no one is allowed to touch.

* He is tired 24/7. He lives off energy drinks, coffee, and only fruits.

* The boys know when he is sleep to just let him have the 14 hour nap that’s about to happen. Waking him up would be as deadly as fighting with Joon.

* He doesn’t so much as mask his personality, it’s just no one stay around him long enough to see how he really is. RBF

* His brothers know who he is and on the rare occasion he is up and happy they’ll see that secret gummy smile he has. And they love it.

Jung Hoseok(Hobi)

* The Interrogator/Tracker

* Walking lie detector, knows when someone is lying through their teeth.

* He can’t stand liars. It drives him crazy; if he hears even a tiny lie he’ll go insane and loses it.

* For this rare skill Namjoon sends him to the meetings with Jin with the rule of he doesn’t kill anyone.

* When he needs to get information out of someone he can find creative ways to get what he needs.

* Picked up skill is learning to properly locate someone.

* He can find anyone, anywhere. Not a soul on Earth can hide from him. If Joon gives him a name, you’ll see him soon.

* photographic memory

* He knows every corner of any street. It’ll only takes him a second to memorize the whole grid system of a map

* He also is what you would call a clean up crew for more sensitive jobs.

* Doesn’t leave a trace of EVIDENCE when he’s leading the clean up.

* Also another brother who does mask his personality. Tries to be the happy go to person, but can easy get depressed.

* Likes kids and has a very soft protect feeling for them.

Park Jimin

* The Assassin.

* The face of an Angel but the mind working like the Devil.

* This man is so beautiful and he KNOWS it; uses it to his advantage.

* Gets whatever he wants without hesitation.

* Beloved by everyone, home boy even stopped TRAFFIC once.

* When he’s walking in the club men and women want him. Send him drinks or bottles, HELL even gifts.

* The fact that he can win over anyone: take them home is the reason why if Namjoon needs an important figure blackmailed or just killed he’ll give Jimin a photo and send him on his way.

* Jimin would be more of a knife man. Really he like to poison his targets just so he can have full control over them.

* He’ll play any game for them but the second that poison touches their lips they are his and they are dead.

* The thing about Jimin is that he’ll go off on a trip for days. No one but Namjoon would hear from him. He just loves to travel and be free: always bring his brothers back something he thinks they’ll like.

* The most caring person with his brothers but when they are out and about he’s a MASTER manipulator.

* He has the shortest temper among the brother, which leads him into a lot of later night bar fights or overkill on a target.

* However all the brothers know the real Jimin. The man who hates his own face because it’s the only thing anyone cares about.

* So they extra care of him when they feel like he isn’t at his best.

* They love taking care him.

Kim Taehyung(V)

* The Gunmen.

* This is Bangtan personal sniper.

* Can shoot any target from any destines. He prefer long distance; doesn’t like being to close to the messes he makes.

* He was trained to go days without food or sleep just to have complete focus on who he is shooting.

* Just like his Hyungs, V mask to hid his true personality. However because of his killing preference no one ever really see/meets him.

* The day anyone ever gets a chance to meet him face to face is only because Namjoon told his him needs to kill them.

* He has a very small fondness for making bombs. So when the boys need a bomb he’ll cook one up for them to try out. Always going for the biggest fire.

* He’s a thief.

* He’s lived in the dark for so long he’s master art of stealing shit without getting caught.

* Looks up to his older member so it’s only natural that when it’s just the 7 of them V can be himself, and every time it throws the older ones back.

* Has a love for art, always looking at art or making art himself.

* The members love his art work and always talks about it.

Jeon Jungkook(Kookie/JK)

The Golden Maknae.

Bangtan youngest most skilled member.

Was trained by each other member themselves so that he could be the best.

Learned how to mask his true self while also being charming and social.

Learned how to do basic level hacking without a trace.Can name every poison and drug on the street and black market.

Can hear lies coming from the person’s mouth before they even speak it.

In a gun fight this man would win on every level. He skilled in everything.

Knows a few tricks with some knifes as well.

Needless to say he loves his job because he’s on every job.

But his favorite thing to do is execute the raids where there is always tragedy.

He loves tragedy.

Where Namjoon needs him to go, he’ll go and get the job done.

Has no intention to be a new leader or any high role in the gang. More focus of being the perfect member for his hyungs.

With his hyungs he is not longer the golden gang member but the silliest member that picks child like fights with the other two youngest.

In his brother’s eyes he’s just a child.

[pufflocks]

Hello again Zen! First I just wanna say that you don’t need to apologize about what happened to the other fic. If you ever feel like you wanna reattempt it, just tell me and I’ll send it again. This request is also smut like the last one and I hope that’s ok!

So Bakugou, known by the public as the pro hero Dynamight, has been having it tough at work the past 2 weeks. He knew that technically it was partly his fault. You see, Bakugou is in a secret relationship with one of Japan’s most mischievous villains. Y/n L/n. (Male Reader) Y/n was in reality not necessarily a villain. He was seen as one, but he had never actually killed anybody. He was more the type to steal, start some fights/trouble and occasionally blow up some place. He was more mischievous than evil. Though Bakugou knew that Y/n wasn’t as bad as everyone thought, and he knew that Y/n did love him. He just had a bit of history.. With that being said: Bakugou had been having it rough lately because his secret boyfriend had been at it like crazy. He also knew that Y/n was intentionally making things difficult for him. So when he was on his patrol and got an emergency signal about trouble just a few blocks away, boy was he ready to hunt Y/n down! Once he saw him he immediately chased him into an alleyway. Y/n had escaped and ran into an abandoned apartment. He thought he was safe. But when he turned around, he wasn’t so lucky. Shit.. Bakugou was ready to completely ravage and take out all of his frustrations on Y/n, as he had him trapped with nowhere to run.

This one could be considered Revenge/Angry S*x. It’s not non-con since Y/n clearly knew what he was in for, and Bakugou wouldn’t do anything incase Y/n seriously stopped him. The request was kinda long, sorry about that lol. If you don’t feel like writing it then it’s fine, and if you’d like to switch some things up then feel free to do so! Also, don’t feel rushed and take your time. Have a nice day/night! :>

Summary: I'm not a dark blogger, but this req is honestly too amazing. I will change some things as to not make it exactly dark though— And thank you for being patient with me and the recent incident. 💛

Warnings: NFSW • proof read • Aged up • mild angst{?}

Cast: Villian!M!Reader x Pro hero!Bakugou

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

Y/N L/N. A name that was a hassle to spit out. Your name was spoke like a horrid sickness spreading west to east. All you were was some mildly lowlife starting cat fights on the streets of Japan. It usually happens at night, and that's also when you strike 24 hour open corner stores. Quite fun to be honest. Your skill being up to par of a spy since your original outing clothing you were seen with was mostly black. Your hair was dyed a certain way after a long past incident though, kinda making you stick out overall you camflouged into the night.

Your pro hero, hot headed, stress filled, boyfriend however, was gold spoon in it's prime. A pro hero who was rich with fame. Oh god he had it all in your eyes. You sometimes cried with tears of joyfulness just at the mere slick thought you were dating him. Not no female who just as good looking, like Creati. No, none of that. It's not like he would change that spite his efforts of frustration with your recent activities these part two years.

The streets are terrific to you for these two years though. Everything is nearly breakable and easily fixed with community money. You would think it was community money atleast. All is good since you made sure to leave your mark with explosives.

Hence your love and passion for your lover, you would smuggle cheap fireworks and set them off at random areas of the late hours. The most recent one being pulled off near a school and and anyone could imagine how the headlines went. The news was erratic with wow and terror of where the explosion even came from, who set it off. Little did they obviously not know —

It was pro hero, Katsuki Bakugous boyfriend.

--

On to other things. Bakugou was in a meeting. Apparently he was being caught up with some warning of a manic villain roaming the streets and city alone.

"So what ?" The room was silent as all eyes transferred front to the back where he sat. Eye bags slightly visible of how stressed he really was after the news confirmed he was.

A co-worker of his, Kirishima raised his hand in apparent anxiousness. "Um", he coughed into his fist before speaking again. "Well, Bakubro he has been going at it for nearly 2 years. No one even know what he looks like, hell man." Starting to get his voice back he finally said, "We probably don't even know if he is a he !" The rooms tension was held up to a few more minutes before Bakugou just got up and walked out.

Another co-worker of his, Mina sparked up and said, "Where are you going !" Her words fell on deaf ears as he was already gone.

Heavy weighted footsteps of his boots were heard along the agency's hallways as people made sure to step out of his way. Grabbing his stuff most important for his next move being his car keys. His brain hurt of how fucking frustrating it is to be held back from work because of his delinquent boyfriend wants to treat the world as a damn playground. He couldn't take it! The stress and anxiety he kept for 2 years was just high enough for him to fuck one out. And he might just.

Just because those assholes didn't know where to find you, doesn't mean he can't. You were always close to a rundown apartment in an alleyway doctoring up a new firework of your own or anything remotely for distruction.

And there you were. In a damn corner completely unaware of the 6 foot presence behind you. Horny and exhausted was a nasty mix for anyone and Bakugou is a worse case as he grabbed you by your arm turning you around.

Alert entered your mind as you nearly, by a measly hair burnt him with a match you had. Why was here was all you could ask yourself, feeling his dramatic hot pants near your neck.

"Why-" No time for speaking when he was highly eager to ravage your ass. You knew how he was from time time since you've met him and because of this you have gotten the worst and the best of him. Sex and life alone was hot and dangerous between the both of you.

His lips marked yours up with a grunt of his own making it seem as if he was feasting on your chapped ones. The dryness making it sting sweetly only adding to the arousal you now felt for yourself. Kissing him. Him not taking his time as he will easily swallow his food without chewing.

"I'm fucking pissed." He snapped. This version of him was the only version you couldn't take. No type of convincing could make an outsider believe your actions to one another was not non consensual. His slightly bigger form compared to your own was trifling as it was pressed up to your chest.

After minutes of searching eachothers mouths with fever and rush he finally stripped himself from his pants. You caught a rare glimpse of how hard he really was. Now this was irritating you at this point. You were no sore loser, but if someone ever took something from you like candy it would easily be endgame.

"Stop fucking pouting. I just got out of a meeting early", he adjusted his position a bit. "To fuck your meddling ass." He closed the space between you two as his cologne and natural scenticked your senses. A shiver went down your spine like a fresh cold drop of sweat as you backed away into the corner. He followed that and smirked. You couldn't be serious.

"Turn around. I wanna see it." He huffed, impatiently. You obviously did what you were told. No time in making him even more pissed. He admired your obedience when it came to your relationship. Only if you could follow that up in turning yourself in. Sadly you were too prideful, probably why you both have an odd ball bond with eachother.

Like lightning your pants were down just like his as he slapped your ass with a strikingly heavy hand. Watching your arse slightly move was guilty enjoyment of his own.

"Ah !" You covered your mouth quickly in fear of his scolding. Number 1 rule of him when frustrated was that on all accounts. Don't. Fucking. Make. A. Peep. That reminder did not fail to make you turn back with pleading eyes with him looking back at you with pliant disbelief.

"Yer' really trying to fuckin' test me, yeah ?" He asked. Not loud how he usually is, but a lower octave with a nonchalant expression. He was tired. Tired of your prideful denial of going to jail. Tired of these late damn meetings at the agency. Tired of his parents calling him because he was doing this to himself. He was fucking exhausted of it all. His top tier was you especially.

☆

That's completely fine though. He can sex all of this out on his handsome villain boyfriend.

Y/N fucking L/N.

I hope this is fine, again I'm not a dark blog so if I wrote this along with the req it would get a bit dark. { I love dark blogs so it would be a whole series 💀. }