#what bravery it entails

[lancevance]

finally got to the crux of wdtfs (sumin cheating on sungji with seju) and man this story is SUCH a scorpio story with love and sex being a mind, body and soul experience while betrayal, revenge and stubbornness remain huge themes

and scorpio energy isn’t afraid to dive deep in the emotional depths of our psyche. no fear of the nitty gritty nor depravity. even after many hours of engagement with wdtfs, its emotional intelligence still impresses me

[elnotwoods]

the moment when Wilhelm finally opened up about not wanting to be king in front of his parents?

brought it up so calmly, honesty & respectfully and demanded to be heard? he does have what it takes to be king, but it takes so much bravery to reject this life and be the first person to do their own thing and find happiness, to break the toxic restrictive cycle that being a royal entails…

…brilliant

[helloescapist]

The Hashiras in a Relationship | Giyuu Tomioka

Word Count: 823

Setting: Giyuu Tomioka x gn!reader

Content Warnings: none 🌊

Summary: headcanons for Giyuu Tomioka as a relationship partner, what it would entail from dating to commitment.

[image is not mine]

To be loved by the Water Hashira, is to know reliability and stability. His affections are as dependable as the seasonal shift. Just as the way that spring will one day bloom into summer, the sakura blossoms will break the veil of winter, and the night will yield to the day, such is to be loved by Giyuu.

To be loved by Tomioka is accepting that to enter into a relationship, you will need to have patience. Just as a child eager for summer break, and to throw a way homework, you’re eager, and excited—I cannot blame you. Look at him, but apart of the attraction to him is that… well, he’s reserved and aloof. Not just when it comes to his duties, it’s who he is, and it will bleed over to your relationship.

It's apart of the reason youre attracted to him, right? The distant blue gaze, one that is capable of peering into the depths of your soul, and claims your thoughts. The way he frets over the littlest of things, all while completely unaware how he has captivated you. So cute.

It’s nothing personal, and it’s not that he’s necessarily trying to keep you at arm’s length although he did initially, Giyuu is the type to believe that the biggest contribution to a relationship is stability time. He would want things to develop naturally, and gradually. A slow burn love is the key to his heart, so for obvious reasons, if you’re in for a difficult time if you’re pining for a fast paced, whirlwind romance, please consider one of the other Hashiras.

A fast paced relationship would make him feel exposed, nervous, and anxious, is he doing this right? Are you onboard? Is he pressuring you.

No, slow burn is best. His heart can't cope.

The positive is that, while he may drag this out in a way that is sweet, agonizing, he is it in for the long haul, so for him, why would he want to rush it? You’re worth it.

He is the type to draw attraction to a childhood friend.

To have been attached to the sweet smile that met him in his youth, early memories of running through the field, playing kagura kagura together, sharing dango together, the early foundation that would grow natural. Mature over time, what was sweet innocent childhood laughter evolved to gentle laughter, the realization you had grown, the change in your voice and body evident. The hand that would once casually grasp his head and guide him forward in childhood delight, replaced one that is a little shy, hesitant, aware of implications of touching him so casually.  Walks, or small errands pushed by parents, the sakura petals in your hair, summoning the bravery to tenderly graze your mane, touch your cheek.

The type to fall for a coworker over time, his junior that he had assisted, taught the tricks of the trade. Assisted through their early times in the corps company if modern AU, distracted Shinazugawa and Iguro to ensure you would dodge a scolding. Leave a tea can coffee for you to discover after long hours. Dinners that took up time, offered opportunities to grow attached to one another, to know each other better, and before he knows it, —that’s the sort of love he craves. A slow one that grows naturally, without force or resistant over the years

That is as natural as th way your fingers fit between his own.

Alongside his pragmatic nature, Giyuu struggles with others, and this will be something that you will struggle with, especially in the beginning stages of attraction.

He hates being a burden. When met with Shinobu’s teasing that no one likes him, he really began to worry that he was forcing his company on others—he hadn’t realized he had made so many people uncomfortable.

This Is a source of frustration and general concern. His over consideration for others will have him skipping out early if he feels his presence is burdensome, avoiding conversations if he believes that he’s forcing his time on others, I imagine he would go so far to actually skip meals if he felt that his presence could give his peers stomach troubles.

In reality, while it’s sweet and adorable to witness his internal struggle, it can also result in him missing a lot of cues.

Did you ask him on a date? No—no, everyone is going. It’s work related—oh no, it’s work related. Shinazugawa will be there. That’s okay, they can get along—ah no wait, the last time the Wind Hashira saw him, he challenged him to a death match. Why was that? His face? Right, right, his face—what if he does it tonight? What if his face bothers everyone? Will they be able to enjoy their meal?

Stomach troubles, his face will bring them stomach troubles

Dear [LN], forgive me. I’m afraid that I cannot make it tonight. my face is a curse I promised Urokodaki-sensei I would visit him.

So many missed opportunities ahead, victim to Tomioka’s internal monologue.

It’s been touched on, but really needs to be expressed, Giyuu really does struggle with being judged by others, and I think this alongside his fear of growing connected after such devastating loss, he worries about being judged, or unwelcomed. So, it’s easier to just provide distance rather than admit that he would love the opportunity to be included.

To soak in the warmth of his company, to listen to their discussions, content to just smile into his cup of tea. In fact, this is likely how your relationship took root. When you requested he join you for an afternoon tea, giggling over dango. Sharing anything and everything taht came to mind.

His heart, he could live in that moment forever.

 B-but with the invitation was obligatory? What if they’re uncomfortable? Time to leave.

He needs reassurance that you want him there as much as he wants to be there (at least for the first part of your relationship). In the time to come, joining you will come as naturally as the flow of a stream.

Without resistance, or thought. Content to drift along, soothed to the summer days in the gentle breeze, a float in your company.

If you haven’t figured it out, his communication skills may be another obstacle you’ll have to overcome. Together.

To his credit, it’s not that Giyuu has an aversion to conversation itself, or intends for his additions to the discussion to come across as rude or cold. It’s really not his intent; the reality is that Giyuu welcomes you to carry the conversation.

It’s not that he’s lazy, or pushing the responsibility of carrying the discussion, it’s that he loves listening. To get to know you. To hear about your day. To learn about likes and dislikes, to hear the sway of your voice. To learn the early detection of exhaustion, of annoyance, of joy, of any emotions you would share with him. For him, it’s an opportunity to know you.

When you offer a break, an expectation for his response, he will respond with the most thoughtful, sincere addition. It will blind side you with how considerate he is, and validate that he was truly absorbing everything you shared, and considering it over.

I feel that as the realtionship matures (think the later stages going into marriage/or committed relationship), Giyuu would love discussions, and sharing disagreeing points, as long as things were to remain respectful between the two of you.

Big discussions, such as kids, for or against, discuss it with him. He’s willing to consider your position. You’re his partner after all. Big decisions should be discussions rather than arguments.

That being said, Giyuu can be stubborn as he can be giving.

While he is more than willing to consider changing his viewpoints on things that retain to the relationship, and you--- you are his PARTNER, not an object, but things that pertain directly towards himself, exclusively. He will not relent easily.

These things would be fairly run of the mill, every day things that can easily lead to a dispute or two, small petty things such as the socks by the hamper. He does not understand why you cannot just put them in the bin.

Drop in guests that intend to spend a while, it’s not that he hates your family/friends staying a while, it’s just--- why didn’t they say anything? It’s enough to give him a stomach ulcer...

To his credit, the swordsman is private by nature, and has a tendency to be reclusive aside from his social struggles.

The reality is that, as I’ve mentioned, he wants time. Time to get used to you, time to use to sharing his inner personal world, to well, everything. It’s not that he necessarily intends to keep things under lock and key, it’s just who he is.

Out of all of the slayers, Shinobu is the only one to have ever witness his love for daikon and salmon—despite years of service, he’s just that private. Please give him time.

If you are prepared to face all of this proceeding forward, with the utmost consideration and patience, you’re prepared to handle dating. Again, remember, in Giyuu’s world. It’s an endurance run, not a sprint to matrimony.

His dating will be nice, and slow, and probably more traditional than you may like. Amongst the Hashiras, he is one of the few that will drag this stage of a relationship out (I can see Obanai taking as much time, if not more). Expect it to last anywhere from two to five years, in a modern setting.

In the Taisho period, the dating period was essentially, meeting up with a matchmaker if you were lucky. I imagine that this would potentially be entertaining for Tomioka you.

Let’s be honest, the traditional route of relationships in this time period were an agreement, that followed a quick betrothal. In which case, I imagine that… he’ll stick to tradition, but it will be an awkward dance until the proper bond has begun to form.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the Water Hashira will spill everything to you.

This would look like late nights, anxious and unsure of how to approach the pushed together futons. The blush of his face as he awkwardly, contemplates whether he should pull his to the far side of the room and elicit a screen, or if he should simply risk a cold with a night on the veranda.

he's sleeping on the veranda until you reassure him that, it's okay for him to share the room.

he's still scooting his bedding over; you refused to allow the screen.

How else will you grow to enjoy each other's company?

The first night he tossed and made accidental eyecontact, flustered him near to his death. He swears he saw the shinigami that night.

He did not sleep, spent hours staring at the wall. Dared not to roll over again, his eyes squeezed tight. THe blush evident on his face enough to draw his bedding to his brow. Listening only to the distant sounds of your slumber over soft huffs of breath. The realization enough to draw the blush down his back, and ponder if this was a bad idea.

No, no disappearing in the middle of the night would probably hurt your feelings. There he laid. Wondering if it was the gods smiling upon him, or teh devils taunting him.

All things considered, dates with Giyuu would prefer to be one-on-one affairs. He would have a strong preference for dinner/movie dates, picnics, walks, even more athletic thing such as hiking, bowling, just please… don’t surprise him with a double date.

It’s not that he reject you out right, he wants an activity that you both can enjoy, and if spending time in a group setting is something you enjoy, well, give him time to adjust and marinade on the idea before just pushing him into the social pool.

He’ll do it. For you. But he needs a moment.

While the beginning stage of your relationship, such as dating and getting to know one another may be… taxing, do not believe for one moment that is his attempt at dodging commitment.

In fact, I believe it’s the opposite. Giyuu is one of the most susceptible to a long-term bond. He is dependable, and stable, and while it may not be the most “exciting” in terms of romance, but in its own way, its sweet.

It’s faith, it’s comfort, it’s safety, it’s sharing burdens, overcoming obstacles together as a unit, in sickness, in health, to honor and to cherish. He is committed to you, to your relationship, to forever.

In disagreements, Giyuu’s stubbornness can and will rear its head. Again, he needs time to consider everything over. He’s not avoiding the conflict well maybe a little, the Water Hashira needs time to consider every aspect, every side, and any potential danger to you, to the relationship, and to himself.

Sadly, this could result in a few conflicts that he will not fold. Hold on to that give and take, he’s not confrontational by nature. He prefers peace, desires a happy home, happy spouse and happy house.

Really, he is very willing to go to extremes to avoid conflict between the two of you, so if he has opted to stand his ground—there’s something you may have missed.

Tomioka is independent by nature, and as you can imagine, he doesn’t find it easy to lean on others, or depend on them. At times, this may be a challenge for him to overcome.

He knows that commitment means carrying one another’s burdens, and while he is quick to take the load off of your shoulders, he is less so when it comes to his own troubles.

He’ll get there, but those first few years are-- *sigh*.

To be clear, independence isn’t a bad thing, he may need time for himself. Every healthy relationship needs moments such as these, and he is more than willing to give you your space, but he expects the same respect from you.

If you attempt to rob him of his independence, or reveal a lack of trust, like blowing up his phone when he has gone out for a walk, a late business dinner, or a late trip to the store, he’s likely to stand his ground, and very well can result in a break down in the relationship.

Of all people, knowing that he has not earned your trust over these years is, hurtful.

To be clear, he’s not just going to walk out in the middle of the night, he will let you know he’s going out for air, will message you letting you know work has run late, again, he’s a considerate partner. he's not one to run out in the middle of an argument either, but he will request a moment to himself. to gather himself.

Just as he needs his independence, he respects that at times, you will too, and you may think. Jealousy? Is a romantic fight in order, one that has met with suspecting jealousy whether it’s a coworker that has captured your attention, work that has taken long nights—it’s not likely.

He’s human, and there may be small moments of envy like an elderly couple. I imagine, he would be like an old grandpa who feels comfortable and steady in your love, but upon being met with your first love, he may bie jittery and quick to prove your bond.

But truthfully, it’s just not that likely. To Giyuu, your long-term relationship is proof enough that he can and will trust you. I know, I know... jealousy in a relationship has its perks, but in the long term, you’ll be grateful for this dynamic.

Don’t get me wrong. The Water Hashira is PROTECTIVE. If you have made it this far, you are his. He will do anything to protect you, to avoid any harm.

From something as simple as a flue that is circulating the area, he will be sure to disinfect everything he can think of, to finding out that a coworker has spoken ill of you, he will do his best to shield you emotionally.

He will without hesitation, take an attack intended for you. Even if it means, he cannot properly parry it. Giyuu will do everything he can to keep you from harms way.

In a way, that’s his sentiment. You’re not likely to regularly receive words of affirmation (unless you have laid out that its necessary for you, in which case, he will oblige), Giyuu struggles with emotions.

Whether positive and joyful ones, or arguments and frustrations, putting his feelings into words is… a struggle. One that he will face as it comes and with reservation and hesitation, but he will. Time. That word you’re growing to hate.

It’s not that he doesn’t have sentiment, or attachment, it’s just that to him, love is not expressed verbally. It’s a lifelong commitment, one that is proven rather than lamented.

Watering plants. Paying bills. Bringing home, a stable income, attending your events whether family, business, or friends.

Picking up dinner when you’ve had a long day, or loading the dishwasher/washing the dishes.

Waking up with you in the morning, rubbing your back when you’re ill. Making soup when winter hits.

Giyuu expresses love through service, fufilling his commitment. He will gladly take over any small tasks/projects/favors for you. He’s not one to miss an anniversary, and will have the gift in tow. He’s reliable, and while this is the way that he expresses his love, he will become flustered if you show your appreciation.

You’ll see his smile from outer space if you express your gratitude for his attentiveness, and it will stick with him for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, all his actions are selfless devotion, but to know that you noticed that he saved you the last dumpling, he’s internally swooning.

Pray for him, Shinobu will target him afterwards.

To be clear, while Giyuu is one to rely on acts of service to express his affections, if you make it clear that you are recptive to other another love language, he will do his utmost best to satisfy those needs, but gods help him… quality time will come naturally to him.  He values one-on-one time.

Gifting will be a little time consuming. He will spend hours fretting over whether he has made the right selection. The first round of gifts would be something... probably a little abstract. He tends to take things literally, so if you shared that yuo loved ducks, he will likely bring home a duckie charm.

He's trying.

Words of Affirmation may be stiff, and seemingly unauthentic. He means them, every word, but it may seem like a hostage negotiation the first few attempts. Physical Acts. Take a deep breath, and take your time.

He’s going to try. He is. The first few may just be extremely awkwardly, painful head pats.

You’re not a child, but… it does feel nice to feel his fingers thread through your hair. Slowly, over time, he’ll catch your hand while walking. In intimate moments, he will be receptive to your needs more willingly.

Offer his lap for your head to rest, rub your back, and thread his fingers through your hair. Delicately trace the freckles/moles that line your features. All loving careful it could go deeper, but that’s for another day.

In public, well as time goes on, he will hold your hand, maybe whisper in your ear, but anything else may be uncomfortable.

You’re sure to fluster and panic him over manners and appropriate behavior if you were to kiss his cheek why is his blush so cute.

Nope, please behave in the public eye, he’s a traditional, modest man, but when you get home, revenge he’ll make sure you’re reassured of his affections.

The cute note of his traditional nature, and observant personality is that Giyuu will notice any change in your mannerisms and behaviors.

He will be able to detect when you’re falling ill, when you’re overworked, or upset.

While he may be willing to let a few moments go, he’s respectful of your privacy and wants to allow you time to approach him if that’s what you need, he will also respond accordingly.

Skipping over something greasy because your tummy is uneasy, he’ll prepare extra miso soup for breakfast.  Missing a friend? He’ll notice your eyeing a memento, and he’ll be sure to reach out to them and request a visit.

But in the same regard, he wants the same thing in return.

He wants his partner to know him. To notice the smallest deviation in his behavior, and return in favor. Tomioka will not expect it in the first few years, but like an elderly couple in years to come, he savors the day you know what that little dimple between his eyebrow signals.

For him, he’s ridiculously responsible and sensible. He will often stick far too favorably to this.

For more spontaneous partners, it could be a source of frustration. Understand that it’s because he wants to ensure that you will always come home to a warm home, soft sheets, a roof of your head, food to fill your belly, and all the love in the world.

That being said, he really isn’t high maintenance. He doesn’t want for much, has an obvious preference for simpler things, he may struggle to understand a partner that craves more lavish things. He’ll do his best to indulge you, but he does value security.

On the positive side, he is the type of partner to accompany you to family events, business venues, doctors appointments, and ensure that every bill is paid, and there is extra in the bank for you to spend however you may like expert budgeter.

The reality is, to be in love with Giyuu is to know love, to know security. To know what it is to wake up to a warm embrace every morning. To know comfort in sickness, and support in health. Realiability through the years, and devotion as the grays claim your features, and the wrinkles of time etch into your face. To be known as you are, in all aspects, and accepted as you are.

Giyuu will never give up on you.

Until death do you part.

If you're looking for comfort headcanons for Giyu, take a peek here.

[thedeviltohisangel]

There needs to be a scene where Cass is fed up with Bucky and just yells at him “YOU CANT EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY OUT THERE WHEN U ARE IN HERE! WE NEED TO BE TOGETHER I DONT CARE IF I DIE IF I GET TO BE WITH YOU”

And he’s like “you’re not fucking dying don’t say that” because he can’t even stomach it

I know it's toxic (and some people have sent me messages about it) but I do agree with this sentiment. I want to do a bit of a character deep dive to answer this.

Why does Cass join OSS? For many reasons.

-To follow in the footsteps of her brothers: She idolizes her older brothers. There is such a sense of freedom and independence that can only be inhabited by them.

-Love of country. I do think Cass has a sense of patriotism that drives her to want to do something. She is presented with traditionally feminine options, but they just don't seem like enough for her. She is perfectly primed for the OSS recruitment flyer that she sees downtown.

-Escaping Sidney Landry. This seems like the most obvious answer and is an easy reason for her to give people when they ask. But I think it's about the circumstances of life that lead to her engagement to Landy (expectations and lack of agency, etc.). I also think she has resigned herself into thinking that once the war is over, that is the life that is waiting for her. She doesn't understand she could have a career or fall in love with someone else or use this streak of bravery and ownership over her life to extend into the after. Not until John.

Which leads into me actually addressing your note. All of these things find a natural overlap in her relationship with John. There is no one who could ever understand her in the way that he does and she doesn't think she would ever want someone to. This version of her, the unvarnished/true version, is reserved only for him. So where is it supposed to go if he is not there?

It's completely irrational for Cass to do this and feel this way, yes. But the war has sped up her emotions and feelings and shortened her capacity to think before making decisions.

She loves the version of herself that she is with John and that is the only version she ever wants to inhabit. No matter what that entails.

[aegosh]

This is a Lucegon story idea that won't leave me alone.

Lucerys is Aegon's prisoner of war. When Aemond chased him down in Storms End, Vhagar killed Arrax, but Luke survived and was brought back to Kings Landing.

Aegon didn't like it, not from the moment his brother brought their nephew through the doors, unconscious and soaking wet. Unlike Aemond, he and Luke had no true bad blood regardless of what happened at the dinner last time they were together. Hell, he even sort of liked Lucerys, though he wouldn't admit it.

Rhaenrya and Jacaerys were uptight and judgmental, too far gone in their own self-righteousness to care for Aegon, but Lucerys wasn't like them. Aegon admired how fiery his nephew was, too. He enjoyed his mirthful nature and sense of humor, not to mention he was impressed by the bravery it took for him to stand up to Aemond, not twice but three times total.

He also knew how much his brother wanted Luke, however it was unclear how he wanted Luke. Sometimes it would seem like his brother wanted Luke dead, eyes taken, and guts splayed for all to see his bastard blood but other times it seemed like he wanted him in more carnal ways. It was in the way Aemond looked at Luke, the way his pupils dilated and traveled across him. It was the same way Aegon gazed at his favorite Arbor wine or at a particularly beautiful whore. He knew it well.

Aemond was definitely filled with some form of desire for Lucerys, it was just impossible to tell what that desire entailed, and that desire made the king fear for his nephew's safety.

It gets worse when Alicent and Otto propose the idea to force Lucerys to wed Aemond in an attempt to join their houses and stop Rhaenrya from attacking or declaring war.

Aegon agrees it's a good strategy to hopefully avoid blood-shed. Only, Aegon doesn't want to see Lucerys wed to his brother. He doesn't want to see harm come to him and regardless of which way Aemond wanted Luke, it was a certainty that he would harm him. It was in Aemond's nature.

It takes the council by surprise, himself too for that matter, but to save Lucery's from that fate, he declares he will follow in the footsteps of Aegon the Conqueror and marry Lucerys too. He will take him as his husband in front of the whole city, and Luke will join Aegon alongside his wife Helaena.

Luke would hate it, of course. He would curse at Aegon and degrade him out of fear. Not just for this but also for taking his mother's throne. While Aegon can't fight the throne argument, despite the fact that he doesn't even want the damn thing, Aegon explains to him that it was either marry him or marry Aemond.

That is what settles the younger man, the fact that Aegon saved him and at least this way he can spend time with Helaena and her children. He doesn't believe Aegon will be kind to him, not really, but after the marriage that's exactly what he is. Kind. Protective.

Then que the slow build where Luke begins to grow actual feelings for his husband, all the while having to avoid Aemond who still preys on him. Then there's the war that still threatens their foundations despite the marriage.

Aegon grows feelings for him too in this time. His nephew is pretty, intelligent, patient, fun, and dangerous. Eventually, after they grow to understand each other, his nephew aids him in becoming a better ruler, even if he doesn't support his claim.

I could really keep going here, get into what would happen with the war and with Rhaenrya. Explain how Luke would feel torn between his loyalties. Go deep into how Aegon would feel broken, like he's never good enough. Explain how he fights not only against Rhaenrya but also against his own brother who wants what he has.

Buuuut you get the idea...

[aeternallis]

KPTS Fic Trope: Kim should grovel / Semi-deep dive commentary of the breakup scene

I've seen a number of fans complaining about this trope, so I wanted to talk about it. XD Before that though, I will admit that I myself don't fully understand this trope--or rather, I'm not really sure what this trope fully entails? Because ngl, it sometimes also feels like readers/writers don't actually mind this trope, just only up to a certain extent.

And for anyone curious, I'm firmly on the camp that KimChay should yell/fight out their problems in the most unhinged manner possible like feral beans with lots of sexual tension to muck through AND with no one else involved cuz for the majority of the show, they were off in their own little world anyway~

But I may be on the minority in that, lol So, I digress.

From what I've gathered of this trope though, I'm assuming it's basically: -Kim begging Chay to talk to him/forgive him/ give him a second chance -Kim's own brothers takes Chay's side -VegasPete is somehow in Chay's affections and gets one up over Kim? -Basically no one is on Kim's side, lol

Depending on the execution of the fic, all or some of these points may be featured in the story in order to get these two lovebirds back together.

And honestly? I think the reason why this trope is so popular but also has its share of detractors is because people are looking for the payback or shall I say, "equivalent exchange" of this scene in particular:

It's arguably their most heartbreaking moment in the series, and I will admit, for some people who've had a bad breakup or two in their lives, it may hit a little too close to home, yknow?

And see, I've brought up the opinion before and will reiterate again that what the audience understands about KimChay's circumstances IS NOT what Chay understands as the character that makes up one half of this semi-canon ship.

And based on your understanding of this (as well as your preference, ofc) lies the difference as to whether you like/hate/feel neutral about this trope.

Sure, we can say that Kim did nothing physically to hurt Chay. We can say that Kim did what he had to do in order to keep Chay safe and not draw him into the dangerous world of the mafia, that he was looking out for Chay's best interests. There's just enough of Kim acting like a simp for Chay in the show to get this point across.

But be that as it may, Chay is not the audience. He's not a mind reader, especially not towards someone like Kim who's already closed off and hard to understand to begin with. Lol

And Chay not being able to read Kim's mind or intentions is not a failing on his part as a character; on the contrary, it's what makes him more human and sympathetic to the audience. There's a difference between emotional intelligence and having confidence in another person's motivations. In which case, I think herein lies the other distinction, if you, as the audience, are either willing to give Chay too much credit, too little credit, or just enough to get the ball rolling.

I think what tends to be forgotten about Chay's character at times is that for all his bravery, boldness, and intelligence (which deserves all the praise in the world, because holy moly, if only I had half his guts, I would get a lot more shit done), Chay is also someone who deeply respects people's boundaries. He's a noble character in that way, and why I think in particular Porsche did such a wonderful job raising him.

And we've seen this a number of times, from their very first meeting. He was brave for asking Kim to be his teacher, but didn't push to persuade him otherwise when Kim couldn't say yes. He was bold in tracking where Kim lives to serenade to him, but knew when he had to back off. And even when he confessed to Kim, there was no expectation of his affections being returned, only that he had wanted to show his gratitude to Kim for letting him do his best, and hoping perhaps that the time they spent together would always remain special to Kim.

In this regard, Chay remains loyal to himself and his steadfast nature without ever pushing for more than what Kim could give. But what made the breakup scene painful I think is not just because Kim made Chay believe that he had never loved him, but also because Kim muddled Chay's understanding of the boundaries between them. I would maybe even go so far as to say that what Kim did to Chay was basically a form of gaslighting.

And in muddling that crucial understanding between them, the full scale of the implications in regards to what Chay must have felt in that moment, in my opinion, cannot be overstated:

-the abject humiliation of having believed that someone had returned your feelings, only for it to be implied otherwise by said someone, no matter what Kim's meaning was with his "I'm sorry" LOL -the doubt and lack of confidence in yourself due to misunderstanding someone, without even knowing it -the fear of having shared so much of yourself, when the other person may not even have wanted nor cared for what you had to share in the first place -the loneliness that comes after having experienced all of these emotions, particularly for Chay who was already feeling left behind by his own brother

It's not a surprise tbh, why Chay chose to pull away from not only Kim after this scene, but also from Porsche, at least on an emotional level. Negative emotions like these tend to spill over to the perception of other relationships in one's life; it's hardly ever only contained to the relationship they originated from.

All of these things are painful human experiences, not just something that fictional characters go through, yknow?

And this is why I think this trope is so popular with the KimChay fic writers to begin with. I imagine that those who have written reconciliation fics that feature this trope are highly sympathetic to Chay's plight due to their own lived experiences, and why, while I myself am not necessarily a fan of it, also choose not to judge it.

It's basically wanting to find that sort of satisfaction in fiction that otherwise isn't always found in reality, using said points in the trope.

Ultimately, Kim is the one who muddled that important understanding between himself and Chay. This being the case, Kim has to be the one to untangle them now, imperatively so for some writers, to the point it's at the cost of losing one's dignity (the begging part) and standing alone (his own brothers don't have his back).

[justaz]

Wip Game

thanks @ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral for tagging me for this (btw i really want to read that last idea bc ive been thinking about that stupid ball of light for the longest time and jealous merlin is severely under utilized in fics even if he's jealous of himself)

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

uhhhh my wips are like either two paragraphs or ten pages, no in between. they just sit in my google docs bc i prefer to post once i have the entire story complete in case i abandon it bc id feel so guilty about it (also the ao3 curse scares me) LMAO anyway these are the ones that actually have at least some of it typed out

arranged marriage

ghost merlin and ygraine bond over arthur's self-destructive behavior

arthur fawns over merlin and his bravery

eldoria

sugar daddy arthur

druid merlin

my issue as of late has not been writers block but uhhhh the opposite??? i have wayyyyy too many ideas swirling around my head so i cant focus on one bc the minute i open the doc my brain goes "no i want to write this one" and no work gets done. but if anyone wants to know, the ones i really wanna finish are 1 and 4. and then 2. i honestly forgot about 2 until i was scrolling thru my drafts and saw it again and omg im probably gonna write more of that once i post this pray for me that i actually get some done otherwise i'll have to resort to blood sacrifices

OH just bc i want this out of my system and have no idea where else to put it bc i have no idea what it would entail but i really want to write like a series based off tarot cards, specifically the major arcana, but i really don't know what the stories would be but just know that thought has been rotating in my head for like a week

uhm also if anyone does send in asks about these, it'll probably just be like little bullet points or my insane ramblings about them. mayhaps a small tiny little snippet if i am feeling generous teehee

i always feel bad about tagging people so instead here's your reminder to do your daily clicks

[kenzieverse]

Just a little something about Wyll’s first night on his own after his father banished him :)

Wyll watched the kindling catch with some relief. Not a moment too soon, the sun had dipped below the tree line and shadows were creeping to the edges of his encampment.

A well-tended fire is as crucial as a sharpened blade in matters of survival.

Wyll’s stomach cramped painfully. He drew a meat-filled bun from his pack and tore into it. Ravenous. His throat strained around each bite.

You’re not an animal. Slow down.

He wiped the corners of his mouth with his sleeve.

He didn’t know how to cook much of anything outside of the basics. Certainly he couldn’t make something so delicious. He hadn’t thought to bring any salt for curing or taste. It had all happened so fast.

Hells, what did that matter? He knew how to hunt and skin his kills. He wouldn’t starve.

Even after finishing his meager supper, the lump in his throat didn’t go down. He chased it with some wine from the skin by his side.

Cherries and smoke on the back of his palate. A lovely Thayan Red.

Other port cities would have better vintages. If he wanted, he could travel east to Thay and purchase a cask from the vintners themselves. He could go anywhere.

His service to Mizora might take him anywhere. He’d have little say in the matter. No say, in fact.

His eyes began to water.

Coughing a bit, Wyll moved to the other side of the fire. The smoke drifted up into the darkening sky.

He wished he knew how to play an instrument. It was so quiet away from the city. No hawkers selling their wares, no bustling crowds, no drunks spilling out of the taverns at last call.

He thought of a tune he’d heard once at the mermaid and began to sing it to himself. His voice was soft, barely audible over the crackling of the fire.

The song was an older one and he didn’t have all the lyrics. Something about a dwarven rogue who pilfered jewels in a crowded ballroom.

“And she stole through the shadows like a phantom unseen-“

A branch snapped somewhere close by.

In an instant, Wyll’s blade was clenched in his fist. Not the proper hold. It would start to cramp. Stupid.

A careless moment could be your last.

His eyes scanned the dark.

A doe, frozen at the sight of him, stood half hidden in the brush. Her large dark eyes were all terrified instinct.

The rapier fell from his trembling hand. She leapt back into the wood.

Wyll’s breaths came in uneven gasps, his face twitched and tears clouded his good eye.

“Gods, just-“

The dam broke and he wept. His body convulsed with sobs. He held his sides like he might break apart.

Why was he so frightened? Hadn’t he been trained in bravery since birth? Who was this shrinking child? Coward. Not fit to bear the name-

His father’s voice rang in his ears.

Go.

So much pain in such a small word.

He’d have thought the process of being disowned from the Ravengard legacy would have entailed more paperwork. A formal dismissal at least. Something the Duke could disdainfully tack to the door of their estate.

Henceforth let it be known that Wyll Ravengard is no more. Sons of noble bearing inquire within.

But Ulder was economical in his utterances and had afforded Wyll the number of syllables he’d been deemed worthy of.

A tingling in the socket of his right eye, still such an unsettling feeling. Wyll hoped he wouldn’t get used to it.

“Get some rest, pup.” Mizora’s voice reverberated through the stone into his mind. “You’re of no use to me exhausted.”

Wyll‘s tears dried on his cheeks as he stared deep into the fire. He wondered what the flames of Avernus would feel like.

[poorlittleyaoyao]

14, 48, and 50 for A-Yao?

14. Most heroic moment

Oh, killing WRH, for sure. MY racks up all kinds of big heroic moments during Sunshot--saving LXC! saving QS! making sure civilians are out of the way! the whole spy thing in general!--but killing WRH entailed major risk and sacrifice alongside bravery. After all, MY has a pretty good thing going in Nightless City! Torturing people is, you know, not great, but he's the trusted assistant of the most powerful man in the jianghu. In novel canon, he's one of the few people permitted to greet WRH without kneeling. In drama canon, he has direct input on battlefield strategy. This is the most power he's ever had and the most respect he's ever had. Meanwhile, a good chunk of the Sunshot coalition has treated him like garbage. And there's no guarantee people will believe that he was a spy all along rather than a coward jumping ship at the last minute, especially if LXC has died in battle and there's nobody to vouch for him. But he kills him anyway, because it's the right thing to do. (And he saves NMJ, even though letting WRH kill him would make his life a whole lot easier, also because it's the right thing to do.)

48. Scariest moment of their life

In terms of immediate, adrenaline-rush sheer terror: during the non-horny realtime version of MY and NMJ's encounter at Nightless City in CQL, NMJ almost cuts him in half with Baxia and the poor guy looks PETRIFIED. MY is saved only because WRH grabs NMJ and hauls him away. That would be TERRIFYING, because 1.) he almost died, and 2.) he continues to almost die until WRH incapacitates NMJ, 3.) he's also plainly scared for as well as of NMJ. And, as stated above, it doesn't exactly bode well for his own fate post-Sunshot!

In terms of frightening on an existential level: also in CQL, the moment he hits the bottom of the Jinlintai stairs. JGS dispatches servants to get rid of MY in the novel IIRC, so there's some plausible deniability there; maybe Jin-furen or someone else gave the order and his father had no part in it! In CQL, though, JGS is right there the whole time. JGS looked MY in the eye and chose to violently reject him. There is no doubt that his father doesn't want him. His mother is dead, he's all alone, and his ONE JOB--the ONE THING he's meant to do--he failed. If he wants to crack an unhinged evil smile to cope, he's valid.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

Given his eidetic memory, I think JGY's problem is that he can't block things out. He remembers everything! Much of it bad! Which must be exhausting not just because that sure is A Lot to carry around, but many of the things he remembers clear as day have been genuinely forgotten by the other parties involved, so if he tries to bring them up, people will be like "lol what are you talking about? that didn't happen."

So what I think he does INSTEAD is kind of... gaslight himself? Like he does these elaborate retcons of his own memories to enable him to compartmentalize better, chief among them being "the only reason my father doesn't treat me as his son is that external forces prevent him from doing so :) and I just :) need to do better :)" until the "not worth mentioning" scene breaks the illusion for good.

[thebaldchoicemachine]

UT Haunting Souls AU:

Bravery/Integrity: "Do you truly believe that killing us was the right thing?"

Sans/Undyne: "Yes, I did it for the kingdom."

Bravery/Integrity: "Then why haven't you told Papyrus yet?... Is it because deep down you know that what you're doing is wrong?... Are you afraid of him hating you?" 🧡💙

OHHOHO. This is like ramen noodle angst for my soul. They'd both answer "to protect him. He's too kind. he's too innocent." they know.

Honestly, i think this would be so interesting for exploring Papyrus's character. He's overly kind and way too forgiving, sure. He's also a little stupid. But he's emotionally smart. He knows when something is wrong, he just always assumes the best in people like during no-mercy neutral runs (neutral runs are underrated so much).

But when that trust is betrayed point blank? When he's lied to? I think that causes him to break. (Which, when talking about Papyrus, entails Not Beliving In You 100%. And that doesn't sound bad but boy can it break you when you were used to it.)

[dangergirl64]

MLP OC LOREEE

The voting results are in! Here is the full lore of Danger!!

➳➳➳➳➳┄┄※┄┄➳➳➳➳➳

Quick Facts

Species: Pegasus

Title: Retired Lieutenant of the Celestial Army

Status: Veteran

Current Work: Self-Defense trainer and advocate for assistive device usage

Assistive Device: Mechanical Wings

Feats: Medal of Honor receiver and first successful user of the mechanical wings

Danger is a pegasus with quite the history in the Celestial Army. She currently sports a very friendly and kind-hearted attitude towards others with a hint of silliness here and there.

➳➳➳➳➳┄┄※┄┄➳➳➳➳➳

Cutiemark Lore:

Danger earned her cutiemark as a filly by protecting a group of younger fillies and colts from a sudden timberwolf attack. With no adults around, she used a wooden sword that her and her friends were playing with as a means to fend off the attacking timberwolf. Thanks to her fascination with observing the Celestial Army from her hometown of Canterlot, she quickly picked up on the moves they would use when weilding a sword. Though, despite her size and the weapon she used, she was able to scare off the timberwolf with some precise hits toward its eyes. This earned her the cutiemark that is pictured above!

Past Lore (Lieutenant Danger):

Danger often found herself on the frontlines as she served for the great Celestial Army. While she had a high ranking, she made a point to always protect her brothers and sisters in arms if and when a threat was about to bring harm to them. Some called it reckless; others called it bravery. Danger, however, was just doing what she could to decrease the casualties of war.

With that being said, Danger began to notice the consequences of her actions. Her wings became increasingly more damaged with each blow that she took. Originally, she would shake it off and keep the fight going, but now her wings made it hard for her to quickly defend her team. She relied heavily on her speed of flight during these wars, and the scars of these wars have taken a heavy toll on her. Bandages kept her wings in check, but without her flight speed, she was not quick enough to evade a fate that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

TW: MENTION OF BLOOD AND VIOLENCE ↓↓↓↓

The sound of her wings being torn off from the unidentified creature was beyond comprehension. Blood splattered all over the war-torn ground as Danger fell, adrenaline-filled shock taking her over as her head hit the ground. She laid unconscious for what seemed like mere minutes before she woke up to see her team about to be slaughtered by this abomination of a creature. Adrenaline kicked in at full force as Danger staggered to stand on her hooves. Blood dripped at her sides as she ran at the beast, adrenaline-filled rage in her eyes as she unsheathed her sword and stabbed the creature right in the heart.

Saving the lives of her team and more as she still bled out made her a war hero. She was awarded the Medal of Honor by Princess Celestia herself when the war was said and done.

Recovering from the violent removal of her wings was a long process in and of itself. Her wings were a big part of her life and having them taken away spiraled her into a deep depression.

That was, until some unnamed scientists approached her one rainy day and asked for her assistance in experimenting with some assistive devices. Danger agreed instantly and found herself being put under for some undisclosed operation. All she knew was that she was needed for an experiment, but what the experiment entails was still a mystery to her.

She was out for quite some time.... until she woke up to this:

Present Lore (Coach Danger):

Danger currently resides in Cloudsdale as an advocate for the use of assistive devices for veterans and for any disabled personnel. She often tells her story (albeit in less gruesome detail) to anyone who is willing to listen. Or if they ask her about her wings.

As for her wings, she loves them and appreciates their existence every single day. She has yet to find the scientists who gave them to her, but she thanks them regularly in her prayers. Her wings not only gifted her the power of flight once more, but it also caused her to fly stronger and faster. She has yet to discover what material these mechanical wings are made out of but she often compares them to vibranium.

While she is now much more lighthearted and whimsical, her military roots still stand strong when needed. She shares her knowledge when teaching her self-defense classes across all of Equestria, while also speaking out about disabled veterans and how all pony-folk can work together to create a better place for them.

She's often asked if she would ever return to protect Equestria once again. Without skipping a beat, she would say:

I hope you all enjoyed her lore! I'm very proud of her development!❤️ Please feel free to ask questions about her and if you wish to use her in your posts, please be sure to credit and tag me!!

[sirserpentine]

Sir Pentious, what do you love about Angel Dust? (for @poisonedspider's Angel because they've been getting stupid anon hate and having a rough time and I saw you're one of their mains)

@poisonedspider

"This is a rather big question... So I need to give it some thought. There are so many things I could say.

I love...um... when he puts a ribbon in his hair. It is rather preciousss.

I love the food he cooks. Truly! It is to double-die for, nyehe!

I love... how he cares for that pet of his. How soft and gentle he is with him and I, I wish people were more like that with him.

I love how he has had the bravery to reinvent himself here in Hell. Angel is Angel, so irrevocably, brilliantly himself. He knows his strengths and he can utilise them. I love how at home he is in the spotlight, what a great performer he is. He has style to boot and it extends to how he fights as well. It's all very impesssssive.

He is strong, too. Incredibly strong to not have lost his spirit either due to being confined to Hell itself, or within whatever that contract of his entails... It's painful to think about, it's too harsh to imagine and yet he's always joking around and he just... lights up the room around him. It's not just because he's beautiful, although he is, flabbergassstingly so. It's because he's fun and witty and... and he cares about his friends. He sssaved Niffty, once, did you know? I wish I had seen it!

Angel is also forgiving. And I don't know what that's worth for everyone else, but for a Sinner like me, that's everything. Angel is-

...Angel is the one who should be hearing this.

Do pardon me. I mussst go.

[redheadspark]

could i get 20 with jack russel (wwbn)?? xx

A/N - Very nice choice! I hope you like this, anon!

Shiver

Summary - Instinct was key, especially with monster hunters

Warnings - Just some fluff and angst rolled in together.

When you started working with Jack on his missions and his monster hunting, you never considered the kind of work you were going to be swamped in.  But then again, he was your soulmate and you were willing to help him out in all the monster hunting and what that entailed.

You loved Jack, with all your heart you did.  But being a fellow hunter, you knew the consequences and the dangers that came with the job.  Traveling around the world to places unknown, dealing with beasts that were either far too ancient or far too sinister to be out and about, and placing your neck on the line day in and day out.

Finding out that you were soulmates with Jack didn’t go as smoothly as one should, but then again you never thought it would.  That instant connection when you two met, the stereotypical sensation of your eyes looking at one another and the rest of the world ceasing to exist.  You’ve heard stories from others on how It went, but to feel it firsthand with Jack Russell was an odd but alluring sensation.  Jack felt the same way too, instantly smitten with you according to him.  You couldn’t help but fall in love with him with his charm and kind smile, not to mention how chivalrous he was and highly intelligent.  

You both hit it off right away, and within a year you were engaged.  

There were guidelines that you both made since you both were monster hunters.  You were a package deal when it came to being hired, you both would go together or not at all.  It was a simple but important rule, mostly because of your soulmate component: danger sensory.  In other words, when one was in danger or close to being in danger, the other could sense it right away.  Perhaps it was because you two were monster hunters, or maybe Jack was himself a werewolf who was always on alert.  Either way, you both would sense if the other was in danger. 

Because of that, there was no way Jack was going to leave you behind or alone in the field.

Jack was overprotective at times when it came to you, and at times you understood since he merely wanted you safe.  But there were still times he forgot you fought monsters before he came along in your life.  You saw your own fair share of demons and monsters from the big to the giant.  Your own sense of bravery would be mixed with some stubbornness too, in which you and Jack had plenty of heated talks in the past.

“I know how to be safe,”

“I’m not saying you don’t, Amor.  I just can’t afford for you to be hurt,”

“It comes with the territory, Jack,”

One of the compromises was to have one in the field and the other at surveillance.  Depending on the situation and the kind of job it was, you and Jack would choose who would be dealing with the monster and who would be watching from afar in case things went south.  It was fair, given neither one of you wanted to wait home for the other to return.  You put your foot down on that one, and Jack knew better than to cross you.

With this job, you were watching from afar and perched up high in a tree, sitting on one of the bigger branches that were high up in the spine trees of the forest.  Jack was on the ground, taking in the tracks around him and looking for the monster that was hiding not too far away.  You both were tracking the being for the last few hours, the trail leading you both to this particular place.  You figured in looking high above since there was no real indicator of what kind of beast was waiting for you.  Jack was thinking the same thing, volunteering to stay on the ground and use his own good sense of smell and hearing, the perks of being a werewolf that would work in his favor. 

“You have anything down there, Jack?” You asked in your earpiece as you were scanning the area with your binoculars. 

“Nothing yet, but all the marks we’ve been seeing have to lead to this spot.  I don’t see it leading anywhere else,” Jack replied In the earpiece, you moved from one spot with your binoculars over to the other side.  You were trying to listen for anything unusual.  Just the rustling of trees and leaves along with the soft whistles of the wind.  

It was slightly discouraging you, you both have been out there looking around for 30 minutes.  This was raising some red flags in your mind since there would be a true sign of a monster by now.  But then again, this monster and the characteristics that were given to you two did not seem easy to find.  

“Jack, we might have to double back and re-trace our steps again,” You explained, moving over to one section of the forest and keeping your eyes there, “I have a feeling we might have missed a step—“

A lightning sensation went straight down your back, having you gasp and sit up on your spot on the tree branch.  

You knew this feeling, this wasn’t something new.  That feeling was almost like cold water being poured down your back instantly and having you on high alert.  Your instinct was telling you seeming was wrong and something was about to happen, but not with you. 

With your soulmate.  With Jack.

“Jack.” You breathed out, grabbing the sniper gun that was on its strap on your shoddier and cocked It at the ready, “Get out of there.  Now,” 

“Amor?  What is it?” Jack asked in concern, “What happened—“

A loud roar erupted, and a black form of some kind sprouted up from the ground beneath the grass, right in front of Jack.  He fell backward as the form was over him, the form that almost took the shape of some kind of bear and was roaring wildly at him.  You dropped the binoculars and cocked the sniper gun instantly, bringing the scope up to your eyes and aiming right at the beast, directly at the chest.  

You gave one long whilst, sharp and loud high in the air to get the Beast to look in your direction.  It heard you, snapping its head up from staring down Jack and finding the source of the voice.  

“Jack, get the neck on this thing, NOW!” You yelled, then gave out one more whistle to have the beast find you again.  Once the beast’s eyes were finally on you, having to see it threw the scope, you could see Jack take out one of his own devices that he has made.  He shot at the beast, shooting out a massive net to cover and trap the beast.  It wrapped around instantly and with tightness, making the beast roar in retaliation as you took one singular shot to the head of the beast. 

The beast fell in a heap, dead and defeated.

“How could we not see it?” 

“He hid from us really well,”

“And I owe my life to you, Amor,”

You looked from the deceased beast over to Jack, seeing him eye you with fondness and a soft smile on his face. You just grinned, hearing the two men who hired you both for the job to kill the beast talk to each other and discuss what they were going to do with the said beast.  

After you killed it, both you and Jack took the body back to the two men who hired you.  It took some muscle and a bit of time to bring it all intact.  As you were dragging the body back with Jack next to you, you were inwardly thankful that your instinct took over, telling you to protect Jack at all costs.  

“You don’t owe me your life,” You reminded Jack calmly, though you knew his mind was made up with how his gaze was consistent on you, “My instinct went on alert instantly and I had to act.  If I didn’t have….if we weren’t….”

You couldn’t finish that sentence at all, since it sounded horrible to not be soulmates with Jack.  It sounded more like a nightmare really, merely because you two have been together for some time.  Your world revolved around him, which was scary to think about at times because it wasn’t like that before.  You were used to being on your own long before Jack came in the picture, yet that all changed when Jack became your soulmate.

You two revolved around each other, and you didn’t want it any other way.

“I owe you my life today, because of our bond,” Jack stated to you, reaching down to take your hand in his, “I know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, for what we have, warning you to save me.”

You said nothing, but you were drinking in how he was giving you nothing but love and affection from a simple gesture.  You’ve done this with him a couple times before, and he with you.  Jack saw ash you two had as a true gift, being the old romantic that he was he found it as a sign that you two were truly meant to be together: needing to protect one another.  Although you were more of the realist in the relationship, you still melted at Jack’s words.  

“Thank you, Mi Amor,” He said in a low tone, sneaking a small kiss on your cheek before the two men could see.  You slightly blushed, nodding to show that you heard and understood.  You heard one of the men clearing their throat to get your attention.  Once you and Jack looked in their direction, one of the men spoke up.

“Thank you for your help, we can’t imagine the trouble this thing caused.  The terror we’ve had to endure because of this beast lasted for months, so it’s relief for us,” He said to the pair of you.

“Of course,” Jack replied, then giving you a knowing look as you cocked your eyebrow at him.  Almost silently talking to him as you looked back at the two men.

“You failed to tell us about the camouflage trick this thing can do,” You explained, gesturing to the dead beast between you, “That kind of information would have been known in the beginning, and apparently you have to try to catch him for months, so you must have known that the beast can use camouflage.”

Their faces dropped, both you and Jack smirking.

“Let’s talk about the price again, shall we?”

The End

Soulmate Prompt Session

[theladyyavilee]

today for some reason I can't stop thinking about this little spec ficlet I wrote before 6x14 (about the eddie blind date arc and pepa) because if I am being honest I still really stand by that interpretation of where eddie is at feelings realization wise (and I am really proud of the door and the burning metaphors I used for it 😌 xD) and how he maybe knows he needs a little push, but not how to ask for it <3

Even just the mention of Buck in this context is cracking open a door Eddie has locked again and again and again, but it's been pushing back, a little more every day. And now the locks drop without any effort at all and oh, it is such a familiar door, though not even Eddie himself knows quite all that lies beyond it. The closest he gets is just sometimes late at night, when he lets his fingertips brush against it, let's himself get burnt on purpose and for just a second there is the exhilarating flash of what if? But more than that? Even the thought sends his heart racing, makes his chest go tight. And well, he’s still able to push the door back closed again.

and

And maybe he also hates her for it, just a little bit. Because maybe sometimes he could have used a little more of a push, maybe there are some lessons he wouldn’t have had to learn the hardest way if someone had pushed him into confronting them sooner. Somehow it pulls his thoughts to Buck. Buck who also worries, but is never quiet about it, who pushes back and prods and tugs at everything until Eddie unravels, without ever stepping over the line, without ever losing that gentleness that is so inherently him. Buck – who doesn't do well with being prodded himself, who needs time to figure himself out first and be left to come back on his own time – somehow has never had a problem figuring out that maybe there are times when Eddie does need to be pushed. Because sometimes it’s easier to give in to being pushed, than to have to scrape together the courage to start moving in that direction yourself. Sometimes it's easier to let someone else take that first step and to follow them—to let them take control. (But then maybe it’s only this easy when it's someone he trusts. When it’s Buck.)

and

He doesn’t have the words for it—doesn’t even quite know what it really all entails, because the topic feels like a hot iron inside his own head. One that he keeps on shifting from hand to hand and back again, without ever looking at it too closely, and still burns his fingers on. It’s a bright and beautiful thing too, of course, and Eddie burns and burns and burns his fingers against it willingly, but he never quite looks at it head on—because that would be a decision in itself and he can't. Because he doesn't know if it'll burn him to the ground or let him bask in warmth and light for the rest of his life – and maybe both options are equally terrifying in their own rights. But he won’t know which it is until he looks. The only thing he knows for sure? Once Eddie is on fire, it will also consume Buck, no matter which way it ends up tipping. And even less than having the words, does he have the bravery for that decision and—god—that is a thought that tastes bitter like shame at the back of his throat.

and

And he knows that Pepa won’t give him that push that he needs—the push he maybe is already ready for but not ready to ask for. And the one person who could give it? For once—by Eddie’s careful design—actually doesn’t have a clue that Eddie needs that push.

schrödinger's feelings my beloved <3

[the-casbah-way]

on a similar note, i thought i’d share my personal headcanon for octavius. i think this works best with what we know from canon which is why i prefer it because i am a sucker for sticking with canon i’m boring like that. i think that because octavius and exhibits like him were not based on specific individuals but rather generic hypothetical ‘characters’ of their era, they don’t have any background or knowledge or memories beyond what that entails. octavius has no other names. he’s not gaius octavius or anything, he’s just octavius. he doesn’t know anything about roman shit beyond what he needs to for his ‘character’ and role within the diorama. he could tell you all the ins and outs of roman military procedures but if you ask him about famous roman figures he’s like “who the fuck is that”. he’s a piece of plastic in a museum. it would make sense. in the fic i’m writing now larry goes with the fanon theory and calls octavius “gaius”, to which octavius goes “i’m sorry who” and it turns out that none of octavius’ men even have actual names other than the nicknames they’ve given each other. octavius himself didn’t even have a name until one of the old night guards gave him one. i think it puts him in a really interesting position in terms of being confronted with and governed by these subconscious things that are built into him but which he doesn’t even fully understand or know the sources of. it’s perfect for a character who is literally an inanimate piece of man-made plastic without the magic of the tablet. he’s forced to confront the fact that he didn’t ‘make’ himself, so much of who he is was built-in in a way that feels intrinsically claustrophobic and unnatural. he has to learn how to create himself through his own relationships and actions and how to gain agency over himself by realising that he does have some semblance of control over who he’s allowed to become, and he doesn’t have to automatically subscribe to the Roman Mindset he was created with. he has to challenge traditional roman biases he might hold and figure out what he actually believes outwith what his intended purpose laid out for him. it’s an intrinsic factor in how my pre-canon interpretation of his relationship with jedediah, because he has this innate need to control and to conquer, whereas jed has an innate need to be alone and be free. octavius has this idea that he automatically deserves subservience and respect from everyone he meets because of who he was designed to be, but it doesn’t actually align with what he’s done in the real world and who he genuinely is. he has to earn jed’s respect and trust and co-operation by untangling himself from Roman General Mode and using the more positive built-in skills of bravery and loyalty instead of the negative ones. anyway this is too long and makes no sense but hopefully when i post more of my fics it will come across better

[ianabanana22]

Moments

Pairing: You/Reader & Everyone Genre: Angst, Death, Grief

The brothers knew it was only a matter of time. 

You had been growing weaker by the day, your breaths labored and heavy, as if breathing itself was a Herculean task. Your skin was clammy and cold, as if you’d already set one foot in Death’s door. Your vision had become blurry, barely seeing anything and your eyes had lost its usual sparkle. 

It pained them to see you like this: frail, fading, slowly being tugged away from existence by a harsh reality they refused to face: ephemeral human life. The more they saw you suffer, the more they wished they could turn back time, back to the moments filled with happiness and laughter, moments inside the safe bubble of their home. 

With them. With you. 

And the person you used to be. 

You with your boisterous, contagious laugh and energy that had no bounds. 

You with your uncanny sense of what each of them needed, giving them all the love and care and barely leaving anything for yourself. 

You with your unwavering bravery and immense bullheadedness to deal with whatever came your way. 

They miss you. 

Miss how you used to drag them all to watch movies on Fridays, as everyone huddled together comfortably, the atmosphere warm and homey. 

Miss how you rounded everyone for game nights on Saturdays, the vibe fun and light, waves of laughter bathing the room in a golden glow. 

Miss how you were the linchpin that held everyone closer than ever. 

 They’d always been a family. They were brothers after all. And yet, before you came along, they never did really realize what the word truly meant. Or what it entailed. 

Empathy. Openness. Honesty. Understanding. Unconditional Love. 

You taught them all that and so much more. And for that you’ll always have an irreplaceable space in their hearts. You were their family. That’s why as they gather around your bed, watching you take your last breaths, they feel nothing but immeasurable, intense sorrow and it takes everything in them not to let the tears stinging the corners of their eyes fall down their cheeks. They won’t cry. They’ll be strong for you. 

They’ll be your pillar the same way you had been to them. 

Suddenly, you slowly raised your wrinkled hands, joints cracking as you do so, beckoning them to come closer. And then they lay around you, arms and hands draped gently over a part of your body, careful not to cause you any more pain. “It was a good life.” You croaked, your voice hoarse and breathy and that’s what finally broke the brothers’ valiant façade. 

Silent, bitter tears began streaming relentlessly down their cheeks as they choked back agonizing sobs. “Thank you for being a part of it.” You wheezed, your lips pulling up into one, final sad smile as your eyes gained a flicker of the brilliance they once had, before they closed, never to open again. 

Outside the window, the sun had begun its ascent over the horizon, dazzling and pleasant, signaling the start of a sweltering summer and yet the brothers paid no heed to it for an eternal winter had settled into their ancient hearts, one that was cold, bleak and inescapable. 

If only they could turn back time. But they couldn’t, not without deliberately going against their Lord, and thus learn to live without you they would. 

Even if it was impossible. 

Even if it was torturous.