#what do you mean it doesnt just spontaneously exist

[lustsright-handman]

god i hate writing*

*staring at the screen, not writing, waiting for words to magically appear on the page

[orphiclovers]

Okay. Long incoherent rambling theory post ahead. Specifically, I want to talk about how the Han Sooyoung 'split' happened/how Han Sooyoung got the avatar skill, extrapolating from canon where I can and headcanoning the rest.

Let's start from what she herself says on the topic. 3rd rounds Han Sooyoung tells Kim Dokja, in a conversation about how 'Avatar' works, that the very first time she made an avatar, she gave it too many memories and it 'went out of control' and ran off. This was a friendly conversation and hsy brought it up herself, so there's not really a reason for her to lie here - this is probably close to how she actually remembers the situation.

Which is interesting because 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung denies this fact and says SHE is the main body and that she left an avatar behind to act as her. Now 1863 could be lying here to unbalance kdj, they were having a battle of words at the time with lying being an explicit part of the game, but she could also be telling the truth and maybe 3rd just doesn't know she's an avatar (like 49%). we don't get a comfirmation either way so that is left ambigous. So. That's a dead end.

Then, how does the Avatar skill evolve in general?

Kim Dokja says the requirements to evolve it is that you need to be in a creative field of some kind (so you have an 'Author' attribute) + under enough psychological distress for your mind to 'split' in a way that orv compares to DID (in not the most tactful way). It's a rare skill so I'm guessing it probably requires both of these to be true at the same time. A key hint is that we do actually get one other example of someone evolving the Avatar skill on screen. 1863rd rounds Yoo Joonghyuk. It goes like this:

So...not exactly a fun time. But actually I'm sensing a pattern here. Both Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung, after evolving and using the avatar skill for the first time end up as two sepetate autonomous entities with their own free will - 1863rd!hsy and 3rd!hsy and white and black coat wearing yjh respectively (Kim Dokja too actually - with 49% 51%). So, I think this might be how the skill functions, spontaneously splitting you in half the first time and then both halves of you can make avatars at will after that. Let's assume this is true for the sake of the theory. This conflicts with the way both Han Sooyoungs describe it - they both say they 'created' an avatar the first time BUT I think neither of them were being entirely truthful.

Let's talk about that second parameter. 'Severe psychological distress' in a way similar to that of DID. How I interpret this, based on what we see of 1863rd!yjh, is that there needs to be some fundemental dissonance of core beliefs that cannot exist or be held at the same time, so requires the soul to split in half. For Yoo Joonghyuk it's 'I want to live/I want to die.' (Although Kim Dokja doesnt get the skill in the natural way, I think this concept still holds true. His dissonance is not so explicitly stated but maybe it's something along the lines of 'epilouge/eternity' i.e 'happily ever after OR atonement for his (percieved) sins'.)

But also there's an element of, how do I say this...'purifying self-destruction' to how we see our trio use Avatar. Yoo Joonghyuk takes the blackened and traumatized part of him that wants to die and kills it with a sword, leaving only the part of him that still has hope to regress to the 3rd round, free and unburdened by the weight of bad memories.

You could interpret 51%/49% this way too. The inherent act of Kim Dokja choosing to use this skill to split his soul in half means he did not see another way foward - that psychological distress and belief dissonance is an inherent part of this skill. 49%, the one who get's the 'happily ever after' does not remember needing Ways of Survival, maybe because Kim Dokja couldn't imagine himself having a happy ending with the weight of those specific memories.

But coming back to Han Sooyoung. Just look at the way she uses Avatar in kaizenix. She is a person who does not enjoy being emotionally vulnerable so in any heavy situation she clings to her dry and witty personality like a shield.

Let's just fully realize what she's saying here. When she says she erased the memories of her life deliberately, what she means is that she created an avatar, a sort of 'black coat wearing han sooyoung' and killed it again and again, every year, so she could keep that sarcastic and light hearted attiude. Otherwise she would have become someone like 1863rd rounds Han Sooyoung - hardened and unhappy. And I mean that she literally was on the path of becoming her - she even got 1863rds skill.

She deliberatley brushes off Kim Dokja and doesn't acknowledge the weight of her actions in kaizenix, both waiting for 50 years and killing parts of herself over and over.

And I think this is the sort of mindset she had while telling Kim Dokja about 'creating' an avatar for the first time. She doesn't see the point in potraying herself as vulnerable, so she probably would obscure some details of that story, for example if she was on her knees clutching her head a la 1863rd turns Yoo Joonghyuk at the time. This would seem like a pointless detail to add when the point of the story was that her avatar ran off.

So FINALLY, here's my headcanon on what I think the original belief dissonance was for Han Sooyoung and how she got the Avatar skill.

The split happened very early on in the scenarios. And well, there is one obvious Big Event that might cause someone to have a mental breakdown/identity crisis. The first scenario. I think whoever Han Sooyoung killed, she couldn't deal with the fact she had become a murderer and 'exorcised' those memories - and so 1863 was born, with blood on her hands, in an already destroyed world.

[wooahaes]

gladiolus

pairing: non-idol!bang chan x gn!reader

prompt: ... your best friend from here.

word count: ~1.1k

warnings: chan gets embarrassed so hard he probably dies a little. also alcohol mention

(im sowwy im still new and i read in a few places that they dont really drink in order to focus on their career??? guess ill die!)

daisy’s notes: dont look at me and the fact im def not going to finish this series lmao i wanted to share this one bc him..............

also im so sorry if he legit doesnt drink bc ive never seen it mentioned??? i just think ‘accidentally confesses ur feelings to ur crush bc drunk’ is a fun trope im just a humble writer pls dont bully me too hard

There were plenty of things that Chan knew about you. He knew your favorite drink at your usual coffee shop. He knew your favorite desserts and the best place to get it when you were feeling down, because you told him once that good food always can help mend a bad mood--it rhymed, after all. He knew your little habits, like the way you’d drum your fingers against the table while you thought, or the little way that you’d count beats with a tap of your toes or a gentle pats on whoever was nearby (usually him) whenever you listened to music. All of these little things were endearing to him, truthfully, and he was pretty sure that was why he fell for you. You were sweet enough as it is, usually giving him a space to decompress when he needed to step out of the kind, selfless big-brother role he’d taken among his friends. He liked when he could step away from the world and just exist in the same space as you, crashing on your couch for a few hours while you droned on about work, playing with his hair sometimes just because you knew it’d soothe him.

All platonic things, he’d told himself for a while. He’d do the same for you, if you asked (and you never did, for some reason).

But Chan knew that you were okay on flowers. He knew that you thought gladioluses (gladioli? He never could find a real answer to which was right) were your favorite. So he took a page out of his friends’ books and brought a bundle to your home, swallowing his fears. It was about time he told you exactly how he felt. And if you turned him down, then he’d do whatever he could to salvage your friendship. You were his best friend and he wasn’t going to lose you just because he caught feelings.

When you opened the door, he blurted out his feelings right then and there. “I’ve had feelings for you for a really long time,” he said, “and I needed to tell you that. And I thought that I’d bring you these,” he looked down at the flowers, because you called them pretty once, and I... I never forgot that.”

You blinked at him, just standing there, confused for the longest time. “Wait. Chan... Do you mean we aren’t dating?”

He looked back at you immediately. “What?”

“Oh, Channie...” You sighed, stepping back. “Why don’t you come in?”

Befuddled, he did, because if you thought the two of you were dating, then he definitely fucked something up somewhere. Had he asked you out and forgotten about it with some spontaneous case of amnesia? He was pretty sure it didn’t work that way, but he stopped as you approached him, taking the flowers from him with the excuse of putting them into some water. Yet instead of going to sit on your couch as you had asked, he followed you to your kitchen.

He decided to ask you outright, “Why did you think we were dating?”

You shifted your weight from leg to leg, the sound of water filling a vase in front of you drowning out any awkward silence. “Remember when we went drinking last week?”

He did. He’d invited you out with all of his friends, and he remembered the way that they’d abandoned him to tease Felix about his new partner when he broke the news that they’d gone official after a few weeks of going on casual dates. Apparently, so did you, since you recounted all of it to him minus the whole “casual dating” part of it.

You continued, unwrapping tissue paper from the bouquet as you spoke, “You were drinking, and you started talking about how you were jealous of him. And... I dunno, you started talking about how we’d be cuter than him.”

Oh no.

“I asked you what you meant,” you continued on, unaware of the complete look of embarrassment on his face at what his drunk self had spilled to you, “and you said something about how we’d be SUCH a cute couple before you like... buried your face in my shoulder and called yourself a coward who couldn’t confess.”

“I what?!”

“You did!” You finally looked up at him, not commenting on how red his ears and face had become. “I asked you if you liked me and you said, and I quote, “I really really like you,” and it was really cute actually. I didn’t wanna push you any further, and... Changbin showed up and said he’d take your drunk ass home before you said anything stupid.”

Too late for that.

“And then I told you I’d text you the next morning.”

That much he remembered for sure. You’d asked him if he meant everything he said about how much he liked you, and Chan assumed that he didn’t confess his feelings and instead had gone off on one of his drunk friend rambles and told you how good of a friend you were to him.. again, since it wouldn’t have been the first. So he offhandedly told you that of course he meant it, and that he loved you a lot.

Which, in retrospect, was a mortifying way to respond.

“So when you asked to meet up...? Just the two of us?”

You smiled at him, leaning against your kitchen counter. “That was supposed to be a date.”

“Oh my god,” he buried his face in his hands, letting out a flustered whine. “This is embarrassing.”

“Didn’t you notice how many heart emojis I’ve been sending you? And the fact I kept calling you “babe” after you said it was fine?”

He tore his hands away from his face, skin still burning hot “I thought you were just being more affectionate!”

“I was!” You laughed, making your way over to him, “God, I was trying to be because you’re cute!” 

Before he could dwell on it too much more, you reached up, gently pulling him in to you. You leaned forward, hesitating just for a moment before you pressed a chaste kiss against his lips. His eyes went wide at the move, every thread of embarrassment tight enough to keep its choke hold on him as you pulled away with that cute smile on your face at how red his ears were turning.

Chan remembered to breathe a moment later, any attempts at acting suave in front of you long abandoned. “So... If we’re...” He cleared his throat. “I really think... we should call last week our day one. This one would be more embarrassing.”

You giggled, reaching up to brush his hair back from his face. “Oh, babe,” you said, “we’re definitely doing that.”

“So then...” He rested his hands at your waist, pulling you closer. “Can we... do that again?”

“Kiss?” You prompted, watching him shyly nod. You softly laughed. If only people knew how flustered he could get... Instead, you smiled at him a moment later, regaining your composure. “Only if you ask me properly.”

He turned his face away, giggling for a moment. “Okay,” he said, dragging out the word. “Can I please kiss you?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” you giggled, already leaning in.

He’d definitely tell the other story. Maybe this one would come out one day, but he’d settle for living in the moment and kissing you as much as he always wanted to.

[homeofhousechickens]

Do you know if any new color morphs or mutations have developed in chickens comparatively recently? Like horses are constantly inventing new versions of the splash white gene every few years so I'm wondering if anything is happening similar in chickens?

There are a few things that come to mind, the problem with chickens is some color things are not very well studied and isolated yet so we cant really know for certain about some things intill more research is done but ill talk about the the things that are relatively new in the chicken sphere.

Dominant white is a pretty well studied color compared to other chicken colors likely because white leghorns are some of the most common lab chickens. In 2004 scientists discovered a new color on the dominant white locus called Dun!

It works exactly the same as the Blue gene meaning that heterozygous birds with one dose express the dun coloration but homozygous birds are much lighter and have more pigment striped which is called Khaki-just like how blue is blue with one dose and splash with two.

There is quite a few dun birds these days so it isnt like super new but 2004 is still very recent for it getting identified.

Another color was discovered on the dominant white locus called Smokey and was discovered in a non-inbred laboratory breeding line. This mutation was not caused by any retroviruses or the like and seems to have been spontaneous. This line of white leghorns was gathered from several different breeders so they also had leghorns who were not standard colors (such as blue and mottled) in the gene pool which is interesting to me.

Anyway Smokey produced a smokey color extremely similar to heterozygous Blue birds. Smokey only effects black pigment due to it being on the dominant white locus and it breeds true, birds need two copies of the gene to express it. This means you dont need to worry about splash colored birds when breeding blue. This also means that with smokey you could achieve perfect blue red colorlines who breed true, no need to have black and splash pens (so less culling) since smokeys can just produce more smokeys if you breed them together.

It is thought that Smokey exists out there in the chicken hobby but people likely mistake it for blue or a weird dun but who knows as the average chicken hobbist doesnt have lab to do molecular testing on their birds.

Dr. R. Okimoto one of the people who discovered the gene says it could take decades for the gene to be distribed throughout the chicken hobby to be a competitor to Blue and as far as i know right now this gene is only found in America. It will take a long time for this gene to establish a foot hold but im interested to see how it goes.

Another gene that has been identified by hobbyists is Dull Black, it has no symbol and is not found in scientific literature (yet). Its also known as Recessive Black. Basically it acts as an autosomal recessive and darkens and dulls the feather. Birds who are Dull Black typically do not show iridescence on any part of their feathers even the tail and hackles. Having seen some very dark but incredibly matte looking chickens before i do believe this gene exists and can be readily found. In theory this color would be the perfect color base for Dun and Khaki to act on and might produce some more even toned birds but who knows. Dull black only seems to appear on birds on the Extended Black, Birchen, and Brown bases. Some people argue that this color might actually be misidentified Smokey and others might think its a spontaneously very dark blue bird that popped on in their line one day. Unfortunately we will never really know intill it is replicated and isolated but its likely that Dull Black is some kind of melanizing gene or ever a group of genes that have a slightly different expression then what we typically see in black chickens.

Also whatever the hell Rob's super iridescent chickens got going on (The purple poultry project) i hope he is able to get his birds some testing in the future to see whats allowing the feathers to have such beautiful shine and color.

Hope you enjoyed my infodump

[draconixiaa]

9, 10, 11 for the writer ask game :D (dupes with other asks are dealer’s choice if there’s a specific thing you want to talk about!)

9.How do you worldbuild?

the world builds itself. jk. i mean if its minecraft, if its set inside the dsmp already, all i have to do is to transpose minecraft elements into being more realistic. in a fic, there's usually descriptions of setting, or relevant mechanics are explained through monologue, usually inner monologue. sometimes, relevant objects are revealed through actions,, honestly, my worldbuilding has recently been just me spewing out fancy words, and i need to work on minimizing

10.How do you do character arcs?

i dunno. what exactly are character arcs? i dont really think too much about it, about planning characterization overall, since most of the time when i write, its spontaneous and i dont really plan ahead, so i like, just simulate the character in my head and i think what would they do in that very moment and situation, and if it leads to them developing and realizing something new, then great! if not, then oh well, they'll continue being flat for a bit longer

11.Are you more of a planner or an improviser?

since this was asked in the other ask, imma just ramble. i feel like i do at least plan out a bit my shorter fics. but i cant have the plan written out on paper, bc then it becomes a boring game of filling in the blanks and bloating it up and yapping until i dunno what else to do anymore for that one spot. it just all has to be in my head,, sometimes if i get a really good idea but it doesnt fit in the current spot of the writing im at, i scribble it down at this notes section at the bottom of the doc, so sometimes when i lose that spark of inspiration i head there and then im like ohhh i can do that now in this spot. sometimes the stuff i write doesnt work out but i still like it so i also stick that in the bottom of the doc and its just storage until i remember it exists again

[zeravmeta]

komaeda as a master to kama as a servant in a grail war would be. interesting actually. 

like realistically a divine spirit of kamas caliber would only come in extreme situations like the grand order but obviously nagitos luck struck again, and he’s left with a winning bullet. problem is that obviously he’s gotta get some huge stroke of bad luck after this not to mention the fact that kama would require obscene amounts of mana to remain and function. obviously though, nagito’s luck would keep him alive throughout this entire exchange because his continued life is only bad luck to him, not to mention he’s not gonna die to any old mage! if he’s gonna die in a grail war, it’s gotta be to a shining beacon, an example of hope for everyone! 

kama, on the other hand, would see this human calling out to them and go “why the hell did you summon me i thought you wanted to win. well whatever i cant be bothered to do this”. but it would bother them to an extent. how this random human not only called to them but also has such an extreme cycle of luck and seeks their death proactively instead of just giving up like them. so contradictory, to be so defeatist yet want to die with glory, as a stepping stone to someone else. they can feel that his love for hope is genuine, but its also intertwined with his hatred for himself and his own luck, his hatred and jealousy for normal people people who lead normal lives. 

kama is someone who “gives love” as opposed to kiara who “receives love”. unfortunately, they’re also the hella big sad bc their duty is ultimately what got them unfairly killed. they know how insidious and self-destructive nagito’s love is because they've seen it, they know it, they ARE it, and coupled with his extreme luck have left him feeling like such a complicated mess that kama would understand him. they know the despair nagito feels very well, and they also know that all it does is make you lose yourself and give up. they can tell nagito gave up on himself a long time ago, but they still seek that eventual hope, the light that would make his entire life worth it, so they'd observe, talk with nagito, who praises them so genuinely from the bottom of his heart that kama is left wondering whose really the broken one between the two.

in terms of the actual fight, it'd be a nightmare for the other masters and servants because its the human that's the bigger threat. kamas fine to let nagito throw himself at whatever comes his way and just watch from the sidelines but they also see just HOW he became this way when his luck leaves him completely unharmed from every encounter with an enemy master and servant, and how the entire time nagito would be saying that they’re happy to die for someone else as long as it leads to a great hope. nagito wouldn't even be that great of a mage, its just that his luck would make him completely unkillable by normal means, especially since him constantly seeking his own death is what in turn lets the cycle balance out and constantly have him survive things he shouldn't. kama would watch gobsmacked as some enemy mages two thousand year old magics lose in the face of nagito tripping on a pebble and that somehow causing a meteor to kill both them and the servant, and begin to understand just why he is like this. however, nagito doesnt just kill or enter fight willy nilly, no kama watches as he carefully scouts his targets and observes them, and kama can see the focus, the desparation even, to find someone who would be that hope for him.

ultimately it'd probably come down to both of them just tearing each other apart because both are huge reminders to each other of their own bitterness and despair that they wouldn't be able to handle it. nagito wouldn't understand why kama is so self-depreciating; there a deity! they represent love, surely there such a great hope that they wouldn't need anything else! they’ve helped so many people live and be happy that they should also be happy, because they’re so beloved by everyone else. meanwhile kama would be frustrated with this human who suffers so much in the name of their love, who allows every indignity he faces as a consequence of simply existing and justifies it with the idea that it’ll all be worth it. however, that would also help themselves in turn, even. nagito eventually facing the reality that his luck was never karmic, but just because he cant control it doesn't mean that he should continue degrading himself for it, and kama accepting that they did get unlucky but that they also shouldn't just give up on themself like they did. hilariously, they would reciprocate the genuine love and affection that both of them crave for each other

anyways they'd totally win solely because after like two weeks of living together once they get the tension out nagito would go “alright lets end this no ones been cool enough to kill me”, take a pistol and fire randomly into the sky, causing a chain event that kills the remaining masters and/or servants. he’d probably give the grail away to some rando, too, or his luck would spontaneously cause it to stop working bc why wouldnt it

[mariaiscrafting]

I wanna see a moment in dsmp where c!tommy does something really bad or badly messes up just to see how its gonna be excused by hardcore apologist.

Real talk tho, he should have proper lesson learning moment that doesnt involve abuse. Tubbo snapping at him would be good or some concuensies that make sense.

Othet thing, that talk of him "approving" tubbo and ranboos marriage was kinda yikes.

Eh, I mean, one could argue that he already has done truly bad things. But yeah, I think it'd be good to see. I feel like before, when confronted with his mistakes, c!Tommy always reacted in such a destructive way to himself and/or to others - isolation, rationalization, crying, panicking, almost dying. But I also see a lot of growth in the character, in that he has learned to stand up for himself, and is learning to be more tenacious and take what he wants, so hopefully next time someone snaps at him for doing something bad, he actually digests it and learns. It's really fucking hard to take criticism when one has undergone trauma like he has. It's really fucking hard not to just deny, deny, deny everything people say you've done or anything your own head tells you that you've done, so you do deny, for your own safety and sanity. A prime example of that is Tommy's reaction to literally anything Jack says. Like, even right after he killed Jack, he tried to push it away and forget that he did it. Then in the latest confrontation with him, he couldn't even accept the reality that he always ignores and disregards Jack, or that he could've angered Jack enough to try to kill him. I want Tommy to reach a point, hopefully after therapy and learning that he is loved and cared for by those around him, where he can face his error and listen to criticism and, rather than either self-flagellate or pretend it doesn't exist, learn and grow.

Hmm that was kinda yikes ngl. Although, I think cc!Tommy was just trying to be funny, with the whole trope of a dad "giving away" their daughter for marriage, yk? The execution wasn't too bad though. I think he just sometimes to struggles to properly word things, given his spontaneity in his improv (he kinda just... strings together words and hopes they work lmfao), so I think the point was to exemplify that c!Tommy might have reservations about c!Ranboo, but because he makes c!Tubbo happy, he'll put those reservations aside for that; but it came off a lil patronizing and controlling because of the attempt at employing that trope of the dad-daughter thing

[chumpmagump]

24 things you've learned about your 24th year on this planet. 1. After having lots of trouble with love and loss, I've learned I will be ok. Remember you are growing into the woman you are are piece by piece.. reclaiming the person you were before the rest of them thought it was okay to take you away from yourself and you thought it was okay to let them. Many will come and go, but you dont have to lose a piece of yourself with them. Be strong, don't let them. 2. It is okay to love someone but not like them. It is okay to have compassion and empathy yet still hold your ground that you deserve better treatment. Compassion is not synonymous with lack of boundaries. 3. After talking to your therapist and doing some hardcore reflection you know you show traits of bipolar disorder or borderline personality. Your therapist thinks its bipolar, you're pretty sure its BPD.. this hurts because BPD is stigmatised to the shit house - you would almost rather have bipolar. You work in a hospital where BPD presentations are rampant and you diagnose them in your assessments a lot. Your coworkers like to say things like '' we got another borderline up in ED...'' as if its a massive inconvenience. You feel kind of weird being a 'quiet' borderline because you function quite well but know you have this fucked up secret that you keep from others for fear of judgement. Your behaviour isnt affecting your functioning enough to warrant a diagnosis. But that doesnt mean your experience isnt true. You're good at recognising when your triggered and where it originates from, and actively pull back more and more from impulsive decisions. You can sit with your emotion at times and you've stopped abusing phenergan and have been self harm clean for almost a year now? so yay for you regulating more of yourself! 4. You realise searching for validation only leads to experiences of invalidation. Stop doing it. 5. You're good at empathising to a point where you find it hard to be angry at others for long, you sometimes tolerate too much because you can reason with the persons reasoning for acting the way they are. You shouldnt mistake this for respect, because its not. You still need self-respect. 6. Making spontaneous choices has led to some new experiences, like changing jobs, moving towns, meeting new people. You've learned you've missed out a lot in your last 5 years of 20 hood because of fear of rejection/anxiety/ unsafe situation phobia. but now thats all you want to do, you fear staying static for too long more than you do change. You're ready for new exciting things. 7. Friendships matter way more than romance ever will. Build your friendships and you will always feel connected and OK no matter what the status of your dating life is. 8. Going for solitude car trips with your music blaring, singing meaningfully, on a road in the dark to no particular, with no particular deadline is your muse. You spend a lot of time in your thoughts and with yourself, and sometimes you imagine being in company when the loneliness hits. But funnily enough when company does finally arrive, you yearn for the space you had with yourself. Honour that time. 9. What you make of this life literally doesnt fucking matter. You will be born again. You will never get another chance to be in this body, with this family, with these friends, in this place, at this time though. Do whatever you can to enrich your experience and dont worry about if other people are having a better time. Concern yourself with your own experience. 10. You validate yourself. Stop asking your friends what you think you should do about a situation, dont feel the need to tell them every situaiton thats going on with you to hear their perspective. Listen to your own voice. You dont listen to her enough. 11. You dont actually have to put up with people being rude to you anymore, you can voice that things bother you. You're not quite there when it comes to friends you dont know too well.. or family you know blow up easily, but you're less of a people pleaser somewhat and i'm proud

of you for that effort.

12. You realise you need to stop seeking validation that others have hurt you. If it hurts it hurts. Simple as that. 13. Trust a person by their actions waaaaaaaaaaaay more than their words. And give a person 6 months. They tend to send their representative first for a while. 14. Sometimes you dream up people without knowing first who they are. Its ok to do this but don't be surprised when they dont fit the version you had of them in your head. Sometimes living in fantasy is far more intoxicating than what comes to fruition. Sometimes i wish i only knew some people for the period of time where they were warm to my heart.

15. Keep going to therapy, its doing amazing things and slowly but surely helping you change your procedurally learned patterns of behaviour including the desire and panic to want to fix social relationships that sometimes shouldnt be fixed. If someone did something shitty to you, and they are upset with YOU , for whatever reason- this does not mean what they did to you is void. It may even mean they are deflecting and gaslighting you. Get out of there and you know dont like goodbyes of any kind. so in this case slowly drop off contact. 16. people cant read your mind with how your feeling, so tell them.. what they do with that information is on them after that.

17. you dont have to take pictures of everything. You will remember the experience more if you dont. 18. Drink your damn coffee!! its not going to stain your teeth anymore. you are so diligent with your skin and teeth care, you deserve to live a little.

19. Dont have sex with friends, just dont. its messy.

20. Just because someone doesnt choose you, doesnt mean you arent good enough. It means they're blind, theyre not meant for you, or better doors are opening. Sometimes you need to shut a few doors for some to open. Trust the process. 21. Its time to start doing the things yu have said you were going to do for years. Its time to sign up for that dance class, its time to start writing again (and you have been!), its time to start stretching (and you have been!), its time to finish your courses (and you have been chipping away!). The best thing is you are so motivated right now to do all of these things. They no longer feel like words, they feel like happenings. 22. Your body and mind is so much stronger than you think. You are managing a 23 + caseload, and working across emergency and intake. You sometimes dont have a lunch break and work 9 hour days at times. You still have the ability to relay information and type notes at great speed, connect with clients at a great depth and come to eat, shower and have been dedicating time to study and friends. Your body is a machine, and you are so much more robust than you give yourself credit for. People look at you and see a small petite typical white girl, but you are strength! 23. You have learned sex can be a safe and very enjoyable experience this year very recently. Even though the partner turned out to be a careless character emotionally within the friendship, you were able to experience what it was like to be that connected with someone sensually in such an intense way which was a first for you. Now you know what kind of sex you like - well you always did but now you know it exists. Good for you.

24. You spend the most time by yourself with yourself. Validate your own experiences and try to interrupt the fantasy that you should be waiting for someone else to enhance or witness it. i know you like to think about what it would be like to sing in the car with someone next to you, or to laugh about a ridiculous vine and hear someone elses laughter drown out your own, or to dance around your house and have someone watch you in awe... but its okay to be your own witness. This is one is probably the hardest ones of them all... All you've ever wanted is to feel seen. You fantasize about it all time, you live in fantasy because atleast you can always feel seen there. You're not so sure if you put yourself out there you'll leave feeling more discarded and invisible than before. This way its safer. It's time to witness you. It's time for 25. A year full of spontaneity, new experiences, enhanced friendships, self validation and enormous growth.

It's finally time to stop hiding from people, pleasurable experiences and desire.

It's time for 25.

[hermaeusmorasuggestion]

if apocrypha is one grand library... does it function like one? Like. Are there late fees and stuff?? Can you guys only have one or a certain amount of copies of books? Also I know copyright doesnt exist in tes, but are there protections for living authors who will be compensated for their works?

So the thing about libraries is that—to borrow phrasing from Seeker Tom Scott— "libraries were never just about books. They're about information. Free at the point of use, no price tag. They're about collaboration and communication and about making sure that everyone can find truth." And in the video I pulled that from (Why Helsinki's Library Robots Aren't Important) there’s another aspect that is pretty obviously touched upon but not stated in such direct terms: community. Libraries can have kitchens, music rooms, forums of loud and boisterous discussion, and many other spaces that serve social functions without necessarily being within the purview of what one might intially think of as "a library". Unfortunately, including those kinds of spaces in Apocrypha has been sort of left by the wayside for the last few Eras or so since Dawn, but—better late than never, right? (What exactly are all the non-book-related functions is another ask.)

With regards to the matters you brought up concerning the actual sources of information in the Grand Archives: no, there are no late fees, as originals are almost never parted with. One could potentially turn a pretty penny profiteering off of pilfered Apocryphal texts, if said texts weren’t made of Daedric creatia that does not abide being used for nefarious purposes. Yes, yes, laugh at the supposed hypocrisy, har dee har, all dealings with Daedra are nefarious by nature, whatever. We’ll know. When you are given a copy of a work in Apocrypha you enter into an agreement with its master. Your intentions will be recorded. Your actions will be observed. Your end of the pact will be upholded. There are no late fees; you will have as long as you need to do what you do with it. But we will know what exactly that is. We will know.

As for compensating living authors for their work, that’s... regrettably another issue undergoing active revision. Of course all work consensually submitted to the Golden Eye as offering or transaction (differentiated by whether the intent is that of extended worship or not) will be recompensed in whatever manner is agreed upon. However, the nature of Apocrypha as one-half of the shores and shell of Memory—as well as, you know, just being a place to and from which people come and go—means that many sources of information just sort of wind their way here without the creator even knowing, let alone consenting. And because Tamriel apparently has NOOOOOOO FUCKING STANDARDIZED LAWS SURROUNDING INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, we have to address them all on a case-by-case basis and there is a LOT of backlog. It’s a nightmare even before you take into consideration the nature of the Watcher, which is quintessentially opposed to spontaneous interference.

But, hey. What else are you supposed to use an existence out of time and Daedric patronage for, if not figuring out how best to navigate the myriad of loopholes both mundane and not to buy the independence of that servant girl who made a huge breakthrough in the field she’d never hope to "truly" study and a thousand other similar situations? Knowledge doesn’t just spring up out of the blue, after all. The minds that produce it should be protected and encouraged.

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S3 E5

quarantine diaries: July 5 2020

Season 3 episode 5: “Hakeldama

ok but what are these sad excuses of hoods like theyre really just pieces of cloth that you can barely call a hood

“we bring them peace” immediately cut to bloody bellamy coming back from battle with dramatic music. was i meant to laugh at that because if so i did

“this land is ours now”...umm this sounds a lot like colonization

woah that a loooot of extras. clarkes face was kinda smiling like a dubious smile tho

but also that battlefield full of dead grounders just looked like a bunch of people planking

they attacked while they were asleep?! bitch that sounds a lot of like some police offices in the US...justice for breonna

ofc indra is alive. she has plot armor and thank god for that cuz we need more badass female characters like indra

“we can leave or we can die” isnt this exactly what lexa told jaha and the rest of the space people? i bet lexa wished that she killed these people when she had the chance and before she caught feelings for clarke. big oof on her part

also can we talk about how that was a lot of bullets needed to kill those people. my question is where the fuck did they get that bullets/ammunition bc like they dont have a gun factory now. it also just doesnt seem wise imo to use their limited supplies willy nilly like that 

pike handing bellamy jacket....pike said to bellamy wear something pretty. do i ship it? i mean fuck it might as well because idk 

bellamy with those crazy eyes. i cant. he said you need to wake up kane bitch im already woke

lincoln coming in with that menace face. thats some intense eye contact going on between bellamy and lincoln. honestly more chemisty between bellamy and lincoln than lincoln and octavia. like do the writers not actually watch the show?! 

also is octavia ever going to address that lincoln chained her up. like she got over that too fast. also can we talk about how lincoln went from saying one word to just freely talking. like looking back to when the 100 first got him and him not talking was ugh like its so dumb 

*after seeing the arkadia sign* “I didnt see that coming” lmao jaha did not like the name change

did that guy just shoot otan? and otan dies so easily? also why must people automatically shoot to kill bc when there are obviously other ways to deescalate the situation without killing another human 

sidenote: why wasnt jaha holding the bag in the first place cuz i think that would have prevented otan being shot and killed in the first place

ugh im still annoyed that abby is one of the 2 healers like they should really teach more people to be healers

murphy and emori be bonnie and clyde for real 

jaha looks like a school boy with that backpack but also jaha you need to work on your salesmen skills if you want to sell these people on the city of light cuz rn you sound like a crazy man. like even after your little spiel i still have no fucking clue what the city of light actually is

Wow pike really did go from teacher to chancellor but i mean stranger things have happened in the U.S. you know what pike spontaneously being put on the chancellor ballet is kinda like Kanye West announcing that he’s running for president 2020 

so the spacers really just killed those people and left their bodies right  near where they live thats gotta stink

oof emori wanted to go after her brother only to  find out that otan is dead...yikes

“They’re being interned” pike i dont think this is okay

you get that bitch lincoln but where was the signature headbutt?? but i guess this guy wasnt even worth it

what the fuck pike literally pointing a gun at a sick girl’s head. and also if youre going to threaten a girl let it be know instead of relying on abby to make others realize what youre doing

are they really fucking going to rope raven into his boring ass city of light storyline. bitch why?? but i guess the writers have no other options for her story

sidenote: ravens iconic red jacket is in a desperate need of a wash

octavia reuniting bellamy and clarke. bellamy had a shook face. wow octavia is the true bellarke shipper 

Yes bellamy you tell off clarke!

clarke said “I need you” the bellarke shippers must have been quaking!! and ooo bellamy said “you left me” aww bellamy :(

GOOO OFFFFF BELLAMY!!!! damn it Bellamy. stop it, stop consoling her right now. but oh that hand holding really must have been good for bellarke shippers but oop he tricked clarke. ngl i laughed

woah raven really just dramatically pushed some shit off the table and fucking jaha without saying a word and just placed that plastic city of light shit on the table and did a table tap for idk dramatic effect idk i just laughed at this 

Ok but if raven is really going down this city of lights story I FUCKING PRAY THAT FINN somehow shows up in the city of lights just for shits and giggles

Clarke turned on bellamy fast but really bellamy went down too easy

stop the hugging clarke and abby. lol abby remember when you were mad at clarke about the bombing but i guess when you mass murder a bunch a people makes everything chill now

what the heck john murphy? why must you put that blood on your face? did you learn that from lincoln? 

seriously emori youre waiting on murphy fucking murphy before you see out your brother. i guess water is thicker than blood to her

i love how automatically john murpy assumes the position of dead guy

really murphy saying “go float yourself” to grounders means nothing to them

lol this little ploy really backfired on murphy and emori. but good on murphy for not giving away emori maybe true love does exist

wow look at miller being an ally. i love it

blood must not have blood....ugh the writers really thought they were deep for that

what is this music choice with raven struggling to walk? but also like honestly raven you really could have it worse so chill 

really raven you gave in that quick?? finn better being up there like jesus arms open. but also how did she swallow that huge ass piece of plastic without water to wash it down??

that plastic pill really worked that fast?! and lol they had the music pick up the beat to match the moment

fuck its annoying ass red lady you know im kinda thinking that this red lady is a just a lesser version of the red lady in game of thrones.

wait so if she swallowed it does she poop it out and she just has to keep taking the pill or how does this work??

[aristotlefms]

GREETINGS  ,  angel  .   i  am  praying  that  the  graphic  doesn’t  look  horrible  but  if  it  does  ?   please  pretend  it  doesnt   .   for  those  i  haven’t  gotten  a  chance  to  introduce  myself  to  ,  im  gianna  ╱   gi  .   im  nineteen  and  well   ?   absolute  trash  .   asdj  .  im  so  excited  for  this  group  and  even  more  excited  to  bring  you  your  scarlet  ,  aristotle  wolff  .   random  headcanons  and  more  about  his  background  has  been  on  my  mind  for  days  and  im  just  so  excited  to  share  them  all  with  you  ...  hopefully  it’ll  get  him  to  leave  me  alone  asdfg  .  i  did  write  this  at  4  in  the  morning  so  ???  if  it’s  gross  that’s  why  .   enough  rambling  though  ,  below  the  cut  you’ll  find  everything  you  need  to  know  about  him  ..  ENJOY  .

                       STATS .  here  ,  please  read  for  the  basics .  

                      PINTEREST .  here .

                      CHARACTER  INFLUENCES .  lip  gallagher  ,  charlie  st  cloud  ,   daemon  black  ,   hardin  scott  .  

                       SOUNDTRACK .  numb  to  the  feeling  ,  chase  atlantic  .  faith  ,  the  weeknd  .  feel  ,  phora  .  i  fall  apart  ,  post  malone  .  she  wonders  why  ,  astrus  .  gang  over  luv  ,  brent  faiyaz  .  wicked  games  ,  the  weeknd  .  ivy  ,  frank  ocean  .  gangstas  ,  pop  smoke  .  demons  and  angels  ,  a  boogie  wit  da  hoodie  .  

                                                                 AESTHETICS .

  pearly  whites  concealing  sad  hues  ,   collar  bones  painted  with  hikceys  ,  a  destined  path  carved  by  hands  that  are  not  his  own  ,  a  contagious  laughter  floating  in  the  night  sky  ,   the  memory  of  emerald  hues  haunting  his  dreams  ,  the  lingering  taste  of  bitter  whiskey  ,   calloused  digits  against  soft  skin  ,   footsteps  against  hardwood  floor  in  the  dead  of  the  night  ,  a  tattoo  needle  against  his  skin  whispering  he’s  alive  over  and  over  again  ,   a  soft  scent  of  cologne  and  cigarette  smoke  clinging  to  his  clothes  ,   abandoned  promises  that  weigh  heavy  on  his  shoulders  ,  moans  spilling  of  pleasure  coming  from  the  backseat  of  an  expensive  car  ,    black  rimmed  sunglasses  to  hide  bloodshot  hues  ,  his  heart  beating  in  his  ears  ,   a  never  ending  grief  . 

DOING  EVERYTHING  I  CAN  TO  FEEL  SOMETHING  .

CARELESS  ,      how  many  times  have  you  heard  that  ari  ?     i’d  tell  you  to  count  on  your  fingers  ,    but  you  might  run  out   .   enlighten  me  ,  disagree  .   tell  me  you’re  just  CURIOUS  .    what  ?  i  know  your  LOUD  MOUTH  is  resisting  the  urge  .  i  know  you  want  to  say  that  your  honeyed  hues  always  reflected  a  world  full  of  not  sorrow  ,  but  infinite  opportunities    .   possibilities  and  limits  without  boundaries  .    boundaries  you  pushed  at  every  given  chance  ,  DETERMINED   some  would  say  .   but  me  ?   i  would  say  ,  you’re  your  father’s  son  .    a  spitting  image  right  down  to  curly  locks  and  a  crooked  smile  .    that  assertiveness   in  your  heart  ?   it  was  gifted  by  masculine  hands  that  had  once  fought  the  WAR  of  the  streets               a  never  ending  battle  for  dominance  between  gang  violence  and  a  mother  that  had  a  sadness  so  great  she  spent  her  days  forgetting  her  own  name   .    it’s  okay  ,  i  know  you  didn’t  know  .  and  he  was  never  around  to  ask  ,   the  office  was  his  home  and  the  building  were  family  pictures  clung  to  the  walls  was  the  stranger  .  but   he  did  love  you  ,  affection  shown  in  the  form  of  absence  so  you’d  never  know  what  it  is  like  to  merely  survive  .   

and  i  know  you  want  them  ,     ANSWERS  ,  i  mean  .  but  when  you  ask  me  about  your  mother  ,  i  don’t  have  anything  you’ll  want  to  hear  .    your  first  words   ,  were  mama  ,  but  it  was  not  mama  who  was  there  to  witness  it  .                          that’s  the  reality  of  your  relationship  with  her  .   and   i  know  you’re  still  ANGRY  .   her  absence  was  willingly  ,   and  i  know  you  have  a  hard  time  FORGIVING  especially  when  it  comes  to  her  .   but  truth  is  ,  she  never  wanted  to  be  someone’s  mother  ,   and  it  made  her  feel  guilty  .    she  had  plans  .   and  all  of  them  consisted  of  tan  lines  and  gossip  over  wine  ,  none  of  them  included  your  sweet  whispers  of  i  love  you  .    but  her  not  wanting  to  be  a  mother  doesn’t  make  her  a  bad  person  ,  she  was  once  present  .   she  once  tried  .  and  i  don’t  mean  to  make  excuses  ,  NOTHING  could  excuse  it  .  but  she  knew  .  she  knew  she  could  never  be  what  you  needed  her  to  be  ,  so  she  ran  from  it  and  you   .  could  not  deal  with  how  badly  it  ate  at  her  .  and when  she  got  pregnant  a  second  time   and  your  baby  brother  came  11  months  after  you  ,  she  told  herself  that  it  was  for  YOU  .   that  if  she  could  give  you  one  thing  that  was  worth  anything  ,  it  was  someone  to  keep  you  company  .   it  was  IRRESPONSIBLE,   but  you  know  a  lot  about  that  ,  don’t  you  ?  that  wasn’t  a  jab  .  just  a  reminder  of  the  many  situations  where  your  good  intentions  came  back  to  bite  you  .   that  doesn’t  change  the  fact  that  i’m  sorry  ,  i’m  sorry  she  was  never  there  .  

your  baby  brother  ,      he  was  a  GIFT  .    i  know  you  know  that  .  he  was  more  then  company  ,  wasn’t  he  ?   you  guys  shared  BLOOD  but  it  was  not  just  blood  that  bonded  you   .  IRISH  TWINS  ,     that’s  the  official  term  .   siblings  born  less  than  12  months  apart  .   and  when  you  were  little  ,  that’s  what  everyone  referred  to  the  two  of  you  as  .  twins                     you   were  never  the  type  of  person  to believe  in  cheesy  things  such  as  soulmates  .  when  girls  would  intertwine  their  fingers  with  yours  and  purr  how  the  two  of  you  were  meant  to  be  together  ,  you  had  to  hold  back  laughter  .   but  the  older  you  got  ,  the  more  you  began  to  realize  that  you  and  dustin  ?  you  guys  split  from  the  same  soul  .   it  was  the  day  you  also  realized  that  soulmates  aren’t  just  the  romantic  cliche  in  the  movies  you  grew  up  believing  them  to  be  .   you  couldn’t  help  but  felt  guilty  ,    for  once  belittling  someone  for  believing  in  it  .  because  you  swore  ,  that  everyone  deserve  to  have  a  bond  like  you  and  your  brother  .  

your  nanny  ,      she  was  in  for  it   .   chasing  two  boys  around  the  house  who  could  run  before  they  could  walk  .    close  your  eyes  and  REMEMBER  it  ,    the  way  yous  once  laughed  with  one  another  .     mornings  with  syrup  dripping  on  your  chins  .    wrestling  in  the  living  room  despite  the  warning  from  miss  bailey  that  one  of  you  will  get  hurt  (  which  one  of  you  always  did  )  .    outsiders  might  say  you  two  brought  out  the  worst  in  each  other  (  mrs.  burke  did  when  she  refused  to  have  the  both  of  you  in  her  class  )  ,   but  anyone  who  really  knew  you  knew  how  good  for  each  other  you  were  .   mischievous  ,  but  aren’t  that  what  brothers  for  ?  built  in  partner  in  crimes  ?   best  friends  for  life  .  you  guys  were   inseparable  ,  so  inseparable  that  by  the  end  of  secondary  school   it  was  granted  that  you  were  put  in  different  classes  to  allow  room  for  others  .   you  DIDN’T  mind  ,   even  if  you  did  declare  how  idiotic  it  was  to  your  mother  over  the  phone  .    you  had  friends  .   a  lot  of  friends  .  but  friends  that  were  just  your  friends  ?  that  was  new  .   and  you  never  really  knew  how  to  feel  about  it  .  

high  school  ,       it  changed  your  life  .   i  know  you’ll  say  for  the  worst  ,  but  please  don’t  forget  about  all  of  the  good  that  came  out  of  it  .   the  teachers  ?  they  were  stuck  between  loving  and  hating  you  .   and  some  ?  didn’t  get  a  chance  to  do  either  with  how  much  you  skipped  their  class  .   you  kept  your  grades  up  only  to  continue  playing  hockey                    grades  were  the  only  thing  that  your  dad  actually  checked  .    you  enjoyed  the  social  scene  ,  and  by  social  scene  i  mean  getting  too  drunk  at  house  parties  and  being  rowdy  in  the  bleachers  .    when  you  looked  to  your  right  ,   you  had  a  whole  CREW  of  friends  who  somehow  stumbled  into  your  life  .  and  when  you  looked  to  your  left  ,  you  had  your  brother  .     you  sought  out  EXCITEMENT  ,   anything  to  get  your  heart  racing  .    you  were  IMPULSIVE  .   you  took  your  injustice  out  by  developing  a  CANTANKEROUS  attitude  that  got  you  into  fights  left  and  right  (  on  and  off  the  ice  )  .     high  school  is  when  you  got  your  first  job  ,  sixteen  and  tired  of  hearing  your  father  complain  about  you  needing  more  responsibility                        of  course  this  had  been  after  you  and  your  brother  got  caught  smoking    .    your  legs  landed  you  at   rainbow  point    with  a  confident  grin  and  TROUBLE  in  your  eyes  .  

BECAUSE  EVERYTHING  I  DO  FEELS  LIKE  NOTHING   

it  was  good  ,   you  struggled  but  you  were  happy  .    my  CARELESS  child  with  light  dancing  around  you  .   you  couldn’t  be  touched  ,  you  were  immortal  .   it  reflected  in  your  actions  ,  teenagers  huh  ?   but  we  all  know  there  can’t  be  good  without  the  bad  ,  and  for  you  i  wish  the  bad  had  been  a  broken  ankle  or  failed  SAT’S  .  but  it  wasn’t  .    the  bad  was  ripping  you  to  pieces  ,   beyond  repair  .    i  know  it  haunts  you  ,  the  accident    .   the  realization  when  you’re  eyes  focused  on  the  road  and  saw  a  blue  truck  headed  towards  you  ,  you  hate  the  color  blue  .   you  forgot  too  ,  that  dustin  had  taken  off  his  seat  belt  to  retrieve  the  phone  you  knocked  out  of  his  hands  because  he  was  getting  on   your  nerves  .    it  only  hitting  you  when  hues  opened  back  up  and  a  gaping  hole  the  size  of  a  body  remained  .    you  still  don’t  understand  how  it  could  be  ,  that  you  had  absolutely  no  scratches  .  but  your  brother  ?  he  no  longer  had  air  in  his  lungs  .

you’re  lost    ,     you  want  to  sob  like  a  child  with  hands  wrapped  around  you  whispering  it’s  going  to  be  okay  .    but  it  won’t  be  .      and  you  never  realized  how  lonely  your  house  was  ,  and  how  distant  your  parents  were  .    now  your  home  town  reminds  you  of  secrets  whispered  in  the  dark  and  talks  about  the  future  that  no  longer  exists  for  your  brother  .   you  left  after  that  summer   ,   in  the  beginning  you  missed  holidays  because  you  couldn’t  bare  the  sight  of  an  untouched  room  .  and  that  empty  seat  right  beside  you  dug  it’s  claws  into  your  chest  until  you  could  no  longer  breathe  .    you  HATE  your  home  town  ,  and  the  house  you  grew  up  in  .  and  if  you  could  choose  ,  you’d  never  go  back  .  so  why  do  you  ?   it’s  because  of  the  missed  calls  on  your  phone  from  the  ones  you  call  friends  .  you  feel  OBLIGATED  .   it’s  one  of  the  only  emotions  you  feel  ,  besides  guilt  and   grief    .   you  really  do  try  ,  to  move  on  .  to  feel  more  .  but  it’s  hard  for  you   .  so  you  hide  behind  spontaneous  adventures   and  the  bottom  of  a  whiskey  bottle  .    you  flash  pearly  whites  and  roll  around  in  sheets  with  women  you  could  never  love  like  they  love  you  .    you  ink  your  body  with  permanent  ink  because  it’s  the  only  permanent  thing  you’ll  ever  have  .    you  have  to  remind  yourself  that  you’re  alive  ,  you’re  alive  because  sometimes  you  forget  .   but  what’ll  you  never  forget  ?  is  that   ,  you  did  this                     that  reality  hits  you  when  you’re  at  your  weakest  .  it’s  the  one  that  screams  at  you  until  tears  hang  in  honeyed  hues  and  just  healed  wounds  are  ripped  open   by  your  favorite  punching  bag              the  mirror  .   but  that’s  okay  ,  isn’t  it  ?   because  when  the  sun  rises  ,  you’ll  go  out  and  replace  it   .     and  you’ll  pretend  that  you’re  fine  .  

[britnxyspears]

I say that I dont want romance or love and that's not a lie at all, bit it's not the whole truth.

I am a very passionate person. I have so much love, I am actually the most loving person i know, the most passionate and the most versatile... but i am very much a liquid. I only take shape of the container that I am put in, and when I move to another container there is no recall to the last shape I took. I am shapeless and ever moving and changing.

I don't want long term anything in a person, because a long term person would never be able to have me as I am. I crave- or at least enjoy thinking about, because I think crave is the first part to relentless seeking- short intense spontaneous bursts of different kinds of love. Those memories can stay with you to warm you, heal you, remind you, ground you, floor you... years and years later when I'm not in your life. I'll remember them too, but in a past life context. The person you loved that moment will exist inside of me always, but you won't find them in me later. I'll have moved on.

Maybe it's a compromise with solitude, maybe it's just a symptom of my symptoms... but I think it's beautiful actually. It's not that you can look and not touch, it's that you can touch, love, pour everything within me and me to you, and I can be the one you might thank later on in life when you find what you need to be truly completed.

I'll talk with you late at night, share all philosophy, and give everything I have to you in love, and detach not out of cruelty, but because I'm only temporary. You can enjoy temporary tattoos until you decide on your real one, but that doesnt mean they're just a placeholder either.

I do want love, I just don't want it in the way people are comfortable being compatible with, and sometimes that makes me seem cruel. So I just tell everyone and myself that I don't want it.

I think most lies are only told because the words to explain the whole truth don't always exist when you need them.

[clumsyclifford]

Good whatever-time-of-the-day it is wherever you're from. This is a spontaneous one. I suddenly thought about it but didn't know who to ask. 5SOS as Greek gods? Like who would be who. I always imagined Luke as Persephone and am undecided about Mikey as Hermes. - Spidey Anon

good-same! it’s 11:24pm here. WHAT a CONCEPT spidey anon holy fucking hell. oh god i need to think about this.

i really like luke as persephone that makes sense to me!! the temperamental nature but also the inherent gentleness and the compromise of persephone’s existence??? yeah i can definitely see that. very galaxy brain of you anon

this is kinda niche but i would see ashton as hestia. keeper of the hearth you know?? hes just got SUCH a warmth and a very homely feeling. (i mean we aint ever met but i assume GLJDKFJ) also i do think there is a kind of sadness to hestia and that tracks well with ashton. i am very much influenced by the percy jackson representations of these deities but thats what you get when you ask a gen Zer about greek mythology

i can definitely see michael as hermes! i can also see him as maybe apollo? again going entirely off of rick riordan’s portrayals but he really has the chaotic energy of hermes but also the stubbornness of apollo. also now that im thinking about it, ashton could be hermes because ashton is really a jack-of-all-trades. but i like ashton as hestia so im keeping that one. anyway not to state the obvious but apollo the god of music.....have you seen the castaway guitar battles.......if luke’s not persephone he is apollo but i deffo think michael could be apollo if not hermes. akdakfldj im sorry im being so noncommittal this is such an interesting question

calum i just have to say athena don’t i. i mean like. first of all the athleticism fits with athena’s battle instincts. also of the four of them, apart from ashton he’s probably the one who stops and thinks the most before speaking/reacting, and i think he has a lot of untapped wisdom. unfortunately i also think calum’s a silly, lighthearted guy and that doesnt reflect well in athena because she is quite serious so perhaps this one merits further debate.

[heroquills-a]

✮  : ━  ROMANCE HEADCANONS ! ❫

tagged by: nvm @babylonbrains tagged me and i didn’t see bc tumblr is a BITCH ASS MOTHER F tagging: if you haven’t been tagged yet, i tag you if you wanna do it

NAME: Sonic 

NICKNAME: Sonny, Blue / Big Blue, Blue Blur, Faker, and an assortment of insulting nicknames from various enemies

GENDER: Cis Male

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demi-panromantic demi-pansexual

PREFERRED PET NAMES: i dunno if he really prefers any of the ones he has ? unless it’s from someone special to him then he’ll probably lean more into favoring it so uhh i guess faker...

FAVOURITE CANON SHIP(S): i don’t believe there are any canon ships for sonic ? besides... sonamy maybe, since it’s kinda implied here and there, and i do like the ship but i’m not a huge fan of how canon typically portrays them anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

FAVOURITE NON-CANON SHIP(S): i think most sonic ships can be enjoyable if written well but...if it wasn’t glaringly obvious already i’m very biased towards sonadow

OPINION ON TRUE LOVE: it probably exists ? sonic’s been all over the world and has seen plenty of examples of true love. he just never experienced it himself but he’s fine with that but ofc in recent times he’s fallen quite hard in love and he can say its a messy, difficult experience but the pay off is turning out to be quite lovely after all

OPINION ON LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: pffft, yeah right. crushes and attraction at first sight, sure. but love at first sight ? to put it in the words of garnet steven universe, ‘love takes time, and love takes work. you have to at least know the other person. and you literally have no idea who or what i am.’

HOW ‘ROMANTIC’ ARE THEY?: sonic... doesn’t usually have the intention to be romantic, he’s just got a natural charm to him and enjoys flirting only because... he just thinks it’s fun. but i don’t think he actually realizes or intends to come off as romantic when he does so lmao. he just likes being a charmer bc it’s exciting and he likes exciting things. although it’s a completely different story when he’s actually in a relationship with someone. i say sappyness isn’t his style but it turns out sonic’s the biggest sap out there when it comes to who he’s in love with. ‘cause when he’s in love, that person tends to occupy his thoughts a lot and he’ll end up showering them in non-verbal affection via doing nice things for them, being physically affectionate if they’re comfortable with each other, and inviting them to ‘go out’ (aka go out on some crazy adventure that’ll likely result in death defying stunts) he’s not very good at expressing his feelings verbally, and when he does it usually ends up coming out really sappy and cheesy (which he’ll embarrass himself over)

IDEAL PHYSICAL TRAITS: i don’t think he has a preference really? because what really wins sonic over is personality and that’s what matters. but uhhhh,, anyone who can keep up with him or beat him in a fight/put up a good fight he’s sure to find attractive... 

IDEAL PERSONALITY TRAITS: patience definitely, sonic’s very spontaneous and has little patience himself for most things, so anyone who’s willing to put up with that along with the many adversities he has towards relationships & everything that comes with is a plus. having a good heart w good morals is good too. he also likes banter and playfulness and just having a general sense of ‘this is someone i can have fun with’. 

UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS: ehhh... i guess lack of hygiene upkeep ? even sonic who runs all the time and tends to work up a sweat a lot and has nomadic living tendencies still values hygiene maintenance so like. there really is no excuse

UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS: excessively annoying or pushy people who don’t mind his personal boundaries, overly boastful, mean spirited attitudes that put other ppl down, boring/no fun allowed types

IDEAL DATE: you know that one scene in sonic x where theyre on prison island and amy busts sonic out and she’s like ‘so will you finally take me to go do something fun?’ and sonic’s like “whats more fun than this?”? yeah anyway sonic’s ideal date is as stated earlier, going on some kind of death defying heart racing high intensity adventure that probably involves lots of running and fighting robots. but honestly anything that gets the blood pumping and the heart racing is sure to be ideal in sonic’s mind. he also doesnt mind sharing a good meal. but honestly, all it comes down to is getting to spend quality time with his partner. thats what he loves about it the most

DO THEY HAVE A TYPE?: uh... red......strong.......temper..........sharp teeth..... can keep up with him.................. can kick his ass,

AVERAGE RELATIONSHIP LENGTH: assuming sonic actually agrees to a relationship it’d probably be long-term ? if he really loved them and they were willing to stay that committed

PREFERRED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY: just sharing physical contact in general. while it’s a scary thing for sonic considering he’s touch repulsed over pushy fans/ppl invading his personal space he’s also simultaneously very touch starved and craves physical contact that he can consent to, so chances are if he’s that comfortable w someone he’ll likely just initiate cuddles or physical contact all on his own bc he wants to be closer to them

COMMITMENT LEVEL: when sonic falls he falls hard, and he’ll stay fully committed to his partner so long as they remain the same. if sonic isn’t committed to something, he was never in love with them to begin with

PAST RELATIONSHIPS?: i wouldn’t really say he had any past relationships besides a brief one that was lowkey forced on him back when he was still with his band mates. it wasn’t really much of a relationship anymore than it was sb who was manipulative and pushy and tried to get sonic to do things w them,, and sonic almost let himself go down a dangerous path bc of it but thankfully left before it got too bad

[incarnateirony]

The irony.

This is deadass petty on my part, and I’m fully aware, but I am so far past just letting assholes slide without being called out and much less turned around on themselves since they’re generally in a headass ouroboros already anyway. Still putting it behind a cut, but this is in regards to: certain recent wanky ship warring, the Destiel shirt, and some asshats that could not physically control themselves to stay out of me and my friends’ mentions a few days ago. But the shirt was just the perfect highlight. If you’re M*gstiel sensitive, either avoid, or feel free to lose your shit in my notes afterward, IDGAF.

So for those of you who paid attention, a few days back, I had a small drove of aggressive M*gstiel shippers descend on me-and-mine; first on my friends’ feeds on twitter for about three days and then, after I got fed up with shit of them flagrantly insulting and attacking anyone that said they didn’t like M*gstiel (even if/when they said “but it’s okay if you do”, and attacked after they answered “why not?”s), I made a tumblr post covering all of the huge logical fallacies and trying to logically explain why I had canon issues with it and that it was disrespectful of them to just dismiss huge issues of consent and vessel presence laid out in canon and that I shouldn’t be forced to accept headcanon workarounds that don’t even fit... other canon about those same excuses. Like, I’d left M*gstiel alone 100% since I joined the fandom but this individual - by name - M*gstiel Patron - literally could not resist divebombing into Destiel squii threads for days.

This individual - and those that followed in their wake, took off in the “HAHAHAH DESTIEL DOESNT EXIST NOBODY AT ALL AT TPTB LIKES IT UR JUST TRICKING URSELVES HAHAHAHAHAH U’LL NEVER GET *ANYTHING*” BS attempted mockery that we eyerolled off but they were evidently wildly incensed and trying to piss people off. 

Well.

Now in the reviews, look very closely at the names that are complaining.

Or maybe that thread spamtagging Hot Topic

Hmmmm

Well, WB sells official merch too, maybe they have something over there...

No, WB, I did not mean Castiel mega-sized but yes, I am now interested in Castiel mega-sized.

“But the WB shop doesn’t have the Destiel shirt! That’s the REAL official stuff!!” I mean, ignoring that Hot Topic is a licensed vendor in communication WITH the WB that ALWAYS markets a different branch of swag, if you’re thinking of saying “Only the WB line is real,” that is the Join The Hunt line. Now, let’s take the Destiel shirt and look closer.

And that isn’t all. In the last month, Hot Topic also released this lovely wallet which, while generally Team Free Willish, sells on a product description of going on a hunt with your angel boyfriend. Yes, my friends, in the last month, HT has decided to start heavy marketing by Destiel. Before that it was vague team Dean talk or Cas-positivity, which is already neat but... yeah.

Hell, I love Rachel Miner, but I don’t smoke enough crack to think that five or six years later they’re spontaneously going to go out of their way to make her relevant again (after completing her plot arc and doing a “take a stand” ending for redemption). She didn’t have close to the same outcry as say, Charlie (esp wrt enduring female rep and queer rep, as in, IN-THE-SHOW-QUEER-REP, being fridged offscreen and dumped in a bathtub), and that was a three year gap. Not five or six. Look up “Meg” in either shop and you get... well, Hot Topic pulls up Megara from Hercules and WB shop has... nothing. If you search “Charlie” she doesn’t have by-name swag but both products bring up at least adjacent swag she’s mentioned in (like the trivia game, etc, which weirdly Meg doesn’t turn up results for). Much less ship swag for it. There’s just... not the demand. Bobby was brought up every few years; Mary too, and was DIRECTLY RELEVANT TO SAM AND DEAN. Gabe HAD demand the whole time and Rich stayed directly involved on set directing the whole time. This isn’t hard to figure out.

Rachel Miner is a doll. But mostly for who she is as a humanitarian outside the walls of a fictional TV show - which is FINE - but that doesn’t mean the show will cater to demands when there’s no demand for the *CHARACTER*

These bizarre war cries and temper tantrums are pretty damn wild. She was not a high demand character. It is not a high demand ship. This isn’t hard to figure out. If she comes back, great, but what the hell guys - lmao - “MY SHIP IS DEAD AND NEVER GOT SWAG SO I’M GONNA BREAK OTHER PEOPLE’S TOYS”? What are you, five?

Sorry, call me a petty bitch but 

I AM LIVING

What are we gonna do, start resurrecting any character that kinda-sorta redeemed at the end? Where are they yelling for Metatron’s resurrection arc?

[robin-hood-for-freedom]

Apparently this article was written a while ago.  But I just recently came across it.  So yea, my answers as a libertarian to these questions.  I’m skipping most of the filler because frankly its too much bullshit to wade through for my taste and it would make this WAY too long for anybody to read.  If someone else wants to tackle that stuff, feel free.  I’m just gonna answer the questions.  

So our first hypocrisy test question is, Are unions, political parties, elections, and social movements like Occupy examples of “spontaneous order”—and if not, why not?

Political parties and elections are certainly not.  Since they involve coercive violence(I suppose you could conceive of a world where elections are not coercive, but thats certainly not the reality of the world we live in now).  Unions could be considered as such in principal.  But in practice theres a fair bit of coercive violence behind the scenes.  And to the extent they are, they are one of the least interesting imo.  I would give more-or-less the same answer for OWS(that really dates this article doesnt it?)

Which gets us to our next test question: Is a libertarian willing to admit that production is the result of many forces, each of which should be recognized and rewarded?

Well, duh.  Have you ever read I, Pencil?  

Is our libertarian willing to acknowledge that workers who bargain for their services, individually and collectively, are also employing market forces?

Again, duh.  Is this supposed to be some kind of ‘gotcha’ question?  

victims of illegal foreclosure are neither “freer” nor “more prosperous” after the government deregulation which led to their exploitation. What’s more, deregulation has led to a series of documented banker crimes that include stockholder fraud and investor fraud. That leads us to our next test of libertarian hypocrisy: Is our libertarian willing to admit that a “free market” needs regulation?

I quoted a bit more than the previous questions to give some context.  And my answer here is that you are talking out your ass.  There was no ‘deregulation.’  If you disagree then please cite what was deregulated and how that led to illegal foreclosures and banker fraud.  

I can accept that the banking sector is corrupt as fuck.  Its also THE single most heavily regulated area of the economy.  I dont think thats a coincidence.  

Does our libertarian believe in democracy? If yes, explain what’s wrong with governments that regulate.

I dont have any particular attachment to democracy.  Though I’m not necessarily opposed to it in all circumstances.  That said, I think the US is WAY too large and diverse for democracy to be effective.  Thats just a recipe for people in one area to fuck over people in another area.  

But how did Peter Thiel and other Internet billionaires become wealthy? They hired government-educated employees to develop products protected by government copyrights. Those products used government-created computer technology and a government-created communications web to communicate with government-educated customers in order to generate wealth for themselves, which was then stored in government-protected banks—after which they began using that wealth to argue for the elimination of government.

By that standard, Thiel and his fellow “digital libertarians” are hypocrites of genuinely epic proportion. Which leads us to our next question: Does our libertarian use wealth that wouldn’t exist without government in order to preach against the role of government?

Again quoting more for context.  And well the assumption that things like education, computing technology and banking(which I thought was deregulated?) wouldnt exist without government is an assumption that I think is unwarranted, and you dont even make an attempt to justify.  That said, I’m not even close to Peter Thiel levels of wealth.  

Many libertarians will counter by saying that government has only two valid functions: to protect the national security and enforce intellectual property laws. By why only these two?

I know I said I wasnt going to deal with most of the filler.  But I just cant help pointing out that I dont think any libertarian has said this.  More often you get national security and courts or law enforcement.  There are libertarians who accept ip as valid.  But not all, and I’m not one of them.  

If the mythical free market can solve any problem, including protecting the environment, why can’t it also protect us from foreign invaders and defend the copyrights that make these libertarians wealthy?

Does our libertarian reject any and all government protection for his intellectual property?

Yep.  Intellectual property rights are not legitimate property rights, but the government coercively restricting what people can do with their own property.  

Does our libertarian recognize that democracy is a form of marketplace?

No because democracy, or more specifically democratic governments(which if you look at the context is what he’s talking about) involves coercive violence.  

Does our libertarian recognize that large corporations are a threat to our freedoms?

Yes actually.  Part of this is large corporations teaming up with government to protect their interests(at the expense of everyone else).  But even setting that aside I think that this is one reason why an absence of government is a necessary but not sufficient condition for a libertarian society.  You also need(among other things) a significant portion of the population to have an entrepreneurial outlook.  So that rather than simply complaining or boycotting large corporations, they are actively trying to build alternatives.  

I’m skipping the question about Ayn Rand.  I personally have a lot of issues with her.  And frankly she’s a lot less important to the modern libertarian movement than most people think.  So that takes us to the final question:

If you believe in the free market, why weren’t you willing to accept as final the judgment against libertarianism rendered decades ago in the free and unfettered marketplace of ideas?

For starters we dont have a free and unfettered marketplace of ideas.  Kids are forced into government controlled schools(even private schools have to meet state requirements) until they are 18, and the bulk of media sources are partnered with and to at least some extent dependant on the government(this is especially true of old media which is directly controlled by the FCC).  

But even leaving that aside, the free market doesnt mean everybody always does the right thing(in fact it actually kind of means the opposite).  Smoking is bad for you but cigarettes are available on the free market.  Beyonce cranks out some of the most annoying and insipid music I’v ever heard, and yet she makes millions selling her music.