#what does it say about taylor that her response to being called gay is to smile. i know its supposed to be just affection for imp but

[absyyynth]

yeah get her ass aisha

[veryferaldistributions]

Signs of Michael and Joey’s romantic relationship in M2D:

(In no particular order.)

* They live together and co-parent a child.

* Actually say aloud they want more kids. Together.

* Fostered a second child, for a brief period of time. Likely would have adopted him if the law permitted it. (Ooh, now I’m sad.)

* They call each other “babe.” Constantly.

* Michael’s whole speech to his mother defending his relationship with Joey as parents. Even bringing up that she’d be happier if he was married to a woman. It was treated deadly serious. No laugh track.

* Joey calls Michael’s mom his “mother-in-law.” And she calls him her “son-in-law.” Again, no laugh track for these comments.

* Mrs. Taylor being the almost stereotypical neurotic mother of a gay man. Think Mrs. Bates. (Sorry, Michael.)

* Joey’s father struggling to understand his son’s choices in life mirroring conversations parents have with their queer offspring.

* Nicole walking in on them “pillow fighting” in the “Joey’s MIL” episode. Joey was trying to suffocate Michael in anger, but the implication that they were having “adult time” was still obvious.

* Michael dressing up in drag as Joey’s pregnant wife (Felicia) with whom he has 10 children.

* They frequently touch each other. Clothes adjustments, face grabbing, friendly punches, pats on the back, etc.

* Constant winking comments like “does this mean we’re dating again?” “whatever happened to ‘honey, I’m home’?” and “how come you never send me roses?”

* Alludes to their separation as a “divorce” in “Pop, The Question.” Played almost completely straight.

* They go to a marriage counselor in the same episode.

* “We’re nothing like a married couple!”

“How would you describe your relationship?”

“We live together, we raise a kid, we fight like hell. So, what, every Thursday?”

* Are somewhat hesitant in their responses to the “are you gay?” question she poses. (Michael STILL calls Joey “babe” in their answers.)

* Them getting drunk in episode one and waking up in the same bed. Clothes on, granted, but still.

* Michael’s definition of a friend: “Friend- Someone I have seen naked!”

* “And you are?”

“Joey Harris. The other father.”

“Ah. Divorced?”

“No, we’re living together.”

* Are VERY easily guilt-tripped by Nicole into living together as a family instead of being separated co-parents.

* They have the gayest “straight” friends I’ve ever seen.

* Clearly the commentary in “The Family in Question” mirrors comments made about real-life same-sex parents. Mainly that the media is questioning two men’s ability to properly parent a child.

[9w1ft]

Being a gaylor/kaylor is hard. You speak the closest to truth and then Taylor proves you wrong by doing something opposite to please the hetties. Then you are called losers and liars. One thing for sure that Taylor doesn't care about Gaylors/Kaylors at all. She CONDONES the homophobia and bully towards us. Always has been. After the 1989 prologue, Travlor stunt, always in the past. And will do in future. Sometimes I feel like she hates us so bad and always throws us under the bus. I wonder why we are still here. There is nothing positive about being a gaylor. If she wants to stay extremely closeted and parade her bf as the straightest women alive, then what is the purpose of flagging just to prove us fool on a larger scale. Does our existence bother her?? It doesn't seem that she like us. I just wanted to know from someone experienced.

hm, i dunno. i’ve felt very loved by taylor and karlie!

i think so much of how one might feel is based upon self-imposed rules. if you change the way you expect taylor to act, or how you vocalize how you expect her to act, maybe 75% of the frustration one might have is resolved.

i think condone is a pretty strong word to impress upon taylor. i think people have all gone through enough cycles to see what taylor does and doesn’t do in reaction to fandom behavior but i think a lot of people refuse to ask themselves why she always acts the way that she does, and people also refuse to change the way they comport themselves, but still act the same way while expecting a change to come from taylor.

even in the way you wrote your anon, you’re making a lot of assumptions about why taylor does things, and i don’t mean it as a criticism of you personally. i understand why you write it out like that because i think it’s a popular way of thinking. but i think you’re setting yourself up here. for example, you describe a dynamic of taylor flagging and then taylor bearding. maybe she’s not queer flagging for us, maybe she’s just being herself! and bearding to compensate for that, because for some reason she doesn’t want to be out right now. i think a lot of people say taylor doing gay things is flagging because they’re trying to prove that she’s gay (umbrella term) or that she’s trying to tell everyone that she’s gay. that’s voluntarily setting a test up for people who have hate in their hearts to knock down.

i’m not talking in ideals here. in a vacuum, in an ideal scenario, there are things that would be more “right” or “just” or “fair” for taylor to do — i am just not so sure if it’s wise for people to keep trying the same things and expect different results. especially after songs like anti hero and dear reader were put out in the world. so i dunno, maybe try different things, or change the conditions of your own environment, etc. you have the power to tinker with your own experience of what is going on.

i don’t think this is kind advice for a perfect world and im sorry if i sound cold or heartless. sometimes it pains me to see people set themselves up to be angry so i’m just trying to be a little more practical with my response. i still think there are ways to make this all work for you or anyone personally, but i think it requires you the individual and not taylor to make changes. that’s a choice that’s ultimately up to you the individual to make.

i hope everyone can find a balance that works for them, or a pastime that is a better net positive for their life!

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Guys, gals and non-binary pals, I have caught up on my inbox!

Thanks for all the thoughtful messages and interesting asks, unfortunately also had to delete a few from trolls (I think a few of us got these from people who were quite aggressively pushing the idea that Karlie and the girl squad were a PR strategy…🙄)

Reminder that you will never get a response from me if you are trying to force an opinion on others or just want to belittle or hate on people with different beliefs to you. Also, in case I haven’t said it before, I won’t be discussing anything about Taylor’s relationship with her parents, her own parenting, any potential past relationships or anything considered too personal or invasive (by my own judgment). I’m here for kaylor content and anything these two do professionally, as well as other cute and interesting gay shit. And to the sweet lovely person who said they take what I write as gospel, please don’t, I post that stuff to encourage discussion and invite discourse, not be cause I think I have all the answers (I don’t!).

One message I didn’t mean to delete was from an anon who sounded genuinely confused about what some people throw at us with such venom and conviction. Sorry I deleted your message, anon, let me say this to you:

1. Sadly, a lot of people hate kaylors (swifties and gaylors alike) and will express this quite vigorously so if you’re new here, I’m sorry to say this will happen periodically.

2. When it does, remember you don’t need to dignify hate with a response. If anybody calls you stupid or crazy, just walk away. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I AM NOT HERE TO CONVINCE ANYBODY. Believe whatever you like but this is a kaylor safe space.

3. You were asking about the ‘Karlie and the squad were PR’ anons. Honestly, I have no problem with people believing that if that’s what they’re convinced by. I will just have to disagree. In case you were wondering how to react to people presenting ‘facts’ so aggressively, let’s look at them. (Note, none of my trolls presented any actual facts or evidence, just opinions).

4. If anybody presents me any new actual information, I will look at it. That’s how critical discourse works. I have to say that not a lot I see has changed my opinion though. Yes, Tree started working with Taylor in 2014 which was the time of the girl squad. Yes that was a change in public image, possibly to get rid of the ‘serial dater’ image her previous PR team had created. But that’s where the facts end. If the VS fashion show to immediate best friends pipeline looks weird or fabricated, that’s because it was. That I will agree on. But it seems more likely to me that that was because this was a launchpad for the ‘gf as bestie’ story because Taylor was sick of hiding her love away totally and that was a middle ground that worked for a while. If people want to believe that a PR team would hire a gay woman to play another gay woman’s best friend to get rid of the boy-crazy image that said gay woman had because she had too many short-term beards, but also to make her casual gf jealous… sure, believe that if you want but don’t call us crazy next time. And in terms of it ‘working’, no it didn’t work, much the opposite actually. Taylor never lost so much of her ‘relatability appeal’ than when people thought all of her friends are rich white supermodels. She built an image on being the girl next door/ the one on the bleachers/ not the cheerleader/wears jeans and T-shirts and could be your bestie that a lot of other girls could relate to. She lost a lot of that in the girl squad era when people were suddenly shocked that a beautiful rich woman is mostly friends with other beautiful rich people. So, no, it did nothing for her image if that was the plan. And btw, although the squad may have disappeared, Taylor is still friends with all the same people now that she was shamed for hanging out with then. Lily, Cara, Martha, Gigi - she may not walk the streets with them anymore on a daily basis, but she’s very much still friends with a lot of models, almost like her partner works in fashion ;) Hope that answers your question.

[bisluthq]

I gotta say, Tree using the defence that speculations on Gaylorism would never happen to male stars on this level might be one of the stupidest things she could’ve said. The same author they’re calling out literally wrote the same invasive article about harry in 2022. Name dropping Shawn was probably one of the worst examples they could’ve used because Shawn has literally addressed how the gay rumors hurt him.

LMFAO THIS IS SUCH A GINNY AND GEORGIA TWEET THING LMFAOOO

Taylor girl I luv u but u can’t just say every single thing you don’t like happens to you because you’re a girl. Utterly bizarre response. Also embarrassing to respond at all and ALSO idk for me personally confirms that the gayest thing Taylor’s ever done is whoop for gay boys at parties and maybe peck a girl if a boy would whoop for that since this was so hurtful to her that she felt the need to like issue a full on statement.

1989 Prologue didn’t kill soft Gaylor but this 100000% did lmfaoooooo.

That said, as I always say, if themes resonate in a particular way like as they should and she’s explicitly said she likes people finding new meanings in her songs (and finds new meanings in her own songs sometimes).

My guys I’m straight up cackling at the response tho and what they clearly thought was feminism like what does her being a girl have to do with any of this? 😂😂😂😂😂

Also I love that Tree goes STRAIGHT to CNN now like she uses ET and People as her personal Facebook and if she has stuff to say she goes to CNN (breakup, Travis, this). It’s iconic. It should also put to bed the idea that she’s ever behind blogs or Deux or whatever like this lady has fucking CNN on speed dial willing to publish very bizarre statements looool.

[callmebrycelee]

AMERICAN HORROR STORY REACTION

This reaction is for season 11, third episode "Smoke Signals" which originally aired on October 26, 2022. The episode was written by Brad Falchuk and Manny Coto and directed by John J. Gray. Spoilers ahead!

SMOKE SIGNALS ...

Last week we got two killer episodes of American Horror Story: NYC and I'm still feeling pretty good about the direction of this season. Adam and Gino continue to be my favorite characters thus far, but Russell Tovey's Patrick is starting to grow on me as well. Before I launch into my reaction to episode number three, I must say, I was initially skeptical about most of this cast being newcomers to American Horror Stories. All those doubts are officially gone because Charlie Carver, Joe Mantello, and Russell Tovey are definitely holding their own acting alongside AHS vets like Leslie Grossman, Denis O'Hare, and Billie Lourd.

Okay, let's talk about the episode. We start off with Fran (Sandra Bernhard) and Dr. Hannah Wells (Billie Lourd) at a diner after the latter's run-in with Big Daddy in Central Park. At the end of last episode, Fran told Hannah the government is responsible for the virus she is currently studying. She further elaborates by mentioning something called Operation Paperclip. Apparently, back in the 1952, the United States used Nazi scientists to create new viruses made from both human and animal diseases to use against the Russians during the Red Scare. They did manage to come up with a good virus but it was too big to be airborne. However, it could be transmitted via mucous membranes.

Naturally, Hannah pushes back against this and asks Fran why the government would wait nearly thirty years later to release the virus. Fran tells her that the Cold War is heating up, so the United States is bringing back the virus that was created back in 1952 and testing it out on people who are considered undesirable, i.e., drug addicts, homeless people, and prisoners. They also used ticks to help transmit the virus but the virus broke free of the island and it's now starting to spread amongst the gay population in New York City. Hannah asks Fran what she's supposed to do with this information. Fran tells Hannah that she believes some of her patients are infected with the virus and she should go to the press about it. Hannah tells Fran that in order to do that she will need proof. Fran tells her she needs to think of something and think of something fast because the government is on to her.

Meanwhile, Stewart (Taylor Bloom) escapes the cage he is being imprisoned in and flees Sam's apartment. It should be noted that when Stewart heads out into the hallway, Big Daddy is standing sentry by Sam's apartment door. Stewart acknowledges Big Daddy's presence, and my theory is that we know Sam has the same virus that several of Dr. Hannah Wells' patients have and if he hooked up with Stewart, chances are he passed on the virus to Stewart. I believe Big Daddy is a manifestation of the virus that will become known as AIDS and those who have the disease are able to see Big Daddy while those who don't have the virus can't see him.

Stewart goes to the police station and Patrick takes his story. Stewart tells Patrick that he answered a payphone outside of a leather bar which is how he ended up at Sam's apartment. Patrick is a wee bit judgmental, but he does go to Sam's apartment to investigate. Sam (Zachary Quinto) is having a party and when confronted by Patrick, they head down to his basement where his sex dungeon is kept. Sam knows that he can't be arrested because according to him, what transpired between him and Stewart was consensual. Patrick insists that something unsavory did take place and he tells Sam that Stewart is worried about his reputation. Sam throws this back in Patrick's face and strongly insinuates that he is well aware of Patrick's own vices and how they could affect his reputation. Patrick backs off because he doesn't want to risk getting outed at work.

Patrick talks to Gino about his encounter with Sam and Gino speculates that perhaps Sam is the one who held him prisoner. Patrick assures Gino that Sam is not the guy. Gino shows Patrick a sketch of the man he believes abducted him but Patrick seems unconvinced. Gino justifiably gets frustrated because he believes this is Patrick yet again not wanting to lead the charge towards finding the person responsible for recent rash of murders. Gino also is having a difficult time trusting Patrick because Patrick lied about his leather fetish. Patrick admits to liking leather bars and tells Gino he used to go to leather bars before they got together. These two could benefit from some couple's counseling. Patrick needs to be more open about what he's thinking and feeling and as much as I love Gino, he needs to be a little less judgmental. It's the classic case of someone having to come to terms with their sexuality early on and not allowing others to have their own journey towards self-discovery. Gino tells Patrick that he should check out the payphone outside the leather bar but Patrick reminds him he's not a private detective and therefore he has to have cause for doing such things and he doesn't think he can rationalize to his coworkers why he needs to stake out a payphone. Gino, in order to motivate Patrick, appeals to his desire to be dangerous and reckless which surprisingly works because the next scene we get is Patrick standing next to the payphone.

Patrick continues to wait by the payphone for what feels like hours until he gets a phone call from Whitley (Jeff Hiller). Whitley gives Patrick an address to go to and Patrick is led to an underground party. We see Hans (Casey Thomas Brown) giving a performance. Patrick wanders further into the venue and heads into a darkened passageway. He sees an unmasked patron (played by Zach Meiser) wearing the same kind of leather gear that Daddy wears. This is clearly not Big Daddy because even though this guy is quite muscular, he is not hulking like Big Daddy. Patrick aggressively confronts the bespectacled man and finds a switchblade on him. Rather than further interrogate him in regard to all recent murders, Patrick starts kissing him. He then turns the guy against a wall and uses a cat-o-nine tails to beat him. I believe this scene is here to show us just how deep Patrick's leather kink runs. It's important to point out that it does appear that his behavior is consensual.

We then see the performer Hans heading into a very empty subway. He sees an older, unkempt, heavyset woman standing on the other side of the platform and for some reason he decides to follow her.

Over at the Native, Adam asks Gino if he knows why his captor let him go instead of killing him. Gino tells Adam that the guy saw his United States Marine Corps tattoo on his chest and then thanked him for his service. He then shows Adam the drawing he had made of what the guy looks like. Adam speculates that there are two killers - the guy who abducted Gino and Big Daddy. Adam tells Gino he has a date at a bar and Gino tells him to be careful, especially if he's going around inquiring about the Mai Tai killer. Gino doesn't want Adam to become the next victim. He then asks Adam who he's seeing, and Adam tells him it's Theo. Gino tells him that he's heard some pretty dark stuff about Theo's partner, Sam.

Gino goes to The Ditch and talks with Alana (Rebecca Dayan) who is busy cleaning blood off the sidewalk outside the bar. He shows her the drawing of the man who abducted him, and she confirms that he's been at the bar. She mentions that when she encountered him, he had a dark aura about him. She suggests that maybe he was in Vietnam. Gino tells her that he needs to be captured and begs her to let him put some flyers up in the bar. Alana does acquiesce and she tells him that if he's going to hang up flyers, to be careful not to tear the paint off the walls.

Adam arrives at another local bar called Ascension and is greeted by the hostess, Dunaway (Sis). She tells him it's a member's only establishment, but Adam tells her that he's with Theo Graves (Isaac Powell) and she immediately ushers him inside. Adam asks if he can put up some flyers, and Dunaway tells him 'no'. He asks her if she's heard of Big Daddy, and she answers back that she hasn't but if he ever finds him to send him her way. I love Dunaway! I hope we get more of her this season!

Theo arrives at Ascension and Dunaway takes him to Adam. We do see Big Daddy standing behind Theo in the doorway but neither Dunaway nor Theo acknowledges his presence. There is some flirtatious banter between Adam and Theo. Adam is quite taken by Theo and the feeling seems mutual even though Theo is currently in a relationship with Sam. Adam shows Theo the drawing of the man who abducted Gino. Meanwhile, Gino is at the Brownstone talking to Henry (Denis O'Hare), showing him the same drawing.

Henry recognizes the man in Gino's drawing and tells Gino that he was at the Brownstone the night before. Gino asks him why he didn't call the police and Henry insinuates that the police wouldn't have been much of a help. I loved Henry's story about how he ran away from home at age 13 and ended up in New York City. He talks about how he was nearly murdered three times and how he's lost so many friends, acquaintances, and lovers over the years to violence. He tells Gino that if he had tried to figure out what happened to each of those men, he would've ended up dead himself. I find this story so important because people like Gino tend to see inaction as laziness. For men like Henry, inaction, not getting involved, is a matter of survival.

Gino tells Henry that the last night they spoke, he ended up being drugged, kidnapped, and tortured, but Henry remains unphased by his story. Gino gives up and leaves the bar. Meanwhile, back at their apartment, Patrick goes into his closet and puts on his leather gear. it should be noted in this scene, while Patrick is flexing in front of the mirror, he notices some sores on his shoulder. 

Back at Ascension, Adam interrogates Theo about Sam and Big Daddy. Theo assures Adam that Big Daddy is dead. While the two of them continue to talk, a man in leather gear, who looks a lot like Big Daddy, locks the main doors preventing anyone inside from getting out. What follows is an exciting sequence where Adam is given a Mai Tai by an unknown patron at the bar. He looks up and sees that the guy at the bar is the same man in Gino's drawing. At the same time, Dunaway discovers they are locked in and while Adam tries to go after Whitley, Theo manages to kick open the front door. At that moment, the man in leather gear tosses a Molotov cocktail inside the bar setting the whole place ablaze. The man then adjusts the chains and locks on the door and walks off leaving those inside to burn to death.

Hannah meets with an official at the local hospital and her request to draw blood from patients exhibiting signs of the virus she's been studying are denied. As she is leaving the hospital, she sees several patients arrive from Ascension. Hearing that the patients are coming from a gay bar, Hannah springs into action.

Adam and Theo manage to escape from the inferno with minimal injury. Adam suffers from smoke inhalation while Theo has some burns on his extremities. Other patrons like Dunaway, aren't so fortunate. I felt so bad for Dunaway who appeared to have third degree burns all over her body. When a nurse tries to check out Adam who is suffering from respiratory distress, he starts to freak out. After he is restrained, he begs Theo to call Gino.

Theo calls Gino, and Gino shows up with Patrick in tow. Adam tells Gino that the Mai Tai Killer was at the same bar he and Theo were at before the fire and tells him that he needs to find him. Gino shows a nurse the drawing of Whitley and she tells him that she saw him in one of the triage rooms. When Gino and Patrick arrive at the room, they discover that Whitley is gone. Gino suggests that he and Patrick split up so they can find him.

Hannah talks with Dunaway who tells her that she saw the man who started the fire and that he is not only coming for the gay men, but he’s also coming for everyone. This piece of dialogue stood out to me because it further confirmed my theory about Big Daddy being a manifestation of the AIDS virus which has yet to be named.

The biggest twist of the episode came when Hannah went to see Adam and we learn that they already know each other. We don't get much insight into their relationship, but Adam tells her that he feels good about what he and Hannah did. Now that I know that these two characters have a history, it sort of changes how I feel about Adam. He knows more than he's letting on but a part of me still believes that he is the good guy and whatever he and Hannah are working on is something good.

Hannah goes to Whitley's room and draws a sample of his blood. Whitely is paranoid and immediately leaves. He heads out the front door and is confronted by Gino. Whitely pushes Gino down and runs back into the hospital. Without waiting for Patrick, Gino pursues him and is led to the morgue. Gino is subdued by Whitley and locked inside one of the freezer drawers. What is it with American Horror Story and burying people alive? We saw it with Madame LaLaurie and Misty Day in "Coven" and then we saw that poor couple in "Cult" get locked inside twin coffins. The episode ends with Gino screaming and begging to be let out while Whitley gets away.

At this point, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next. Thankfully, I don't have to wait long because while I find it odd that FX is releasing episodes of American Horror Story two at a time, I'm also grateful because there's no way I could have waited an entire week to see if whether or not Gino would be okay.

This episode, like our first two episodes, was pretty amazing. I love the dark tone of this season and I can't say this enough - I'm so happy they chose to go super grounded this season rather than venture into the over-the-top campiness that has been prevalent in the last several seasons of the show. Adam and Gino continue to be my favorite characters, but Hannah and Theo are not too far behind them. The verdict is still out on Patrick and as far as I'm concerned, Sam can go. He's nasty and vile and I don't think he's going to make it out of this season alive. Our OGs - Leslie Grossman, Denis O'Hare, Patti LuPone - aren't given much to do thus far and perhaps that's by design. For the longest time Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulson, Lily Rabe, and Evan Peters were the faces of this series and they've gone on to do other projects for Ryan Murphy. New blood (no pun intended) is exactly what this series needed, and we are getting it in spades with top notch performances from Charlie Carver, Joe Mantello, Russell Tovey, and Isaac Powell. After episode four we will officially be halfway through this season. I am still feeling pretty confident about where this season is headed. Stay tuned for my reaction to episode four. Until next time ...

[iputthediscoindiscourse]

Another bi women used lesbianism to shock her parents instead of actually considering what she was attracted to :) and is now going on to suck and fuck and breed with men :)) and now a whole bunch of homophobes plus other lesbians will see this and their doubt about lesbianism will grow deeper :))) larping like a tra because you think lesbianism is a fucking haircut and then pulling right out of it with no apology, go fuck yourself homophobe

As I stated before in the other hate I got, the fact you sent this as an anon proves you are a pathetic coward who needs tons of therapy and help to actually be a functioning human.

Another bi women used lesbianism to shock her parents instead of actually considering what she was attracted to :)

You know when I told my mother I thought I was gay she made it about herself told me she knew i was a lesbian since I was a preteen cause of how I fangirled over Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift. Then admitted to outing me to my father, which explains why he would randomly call me a pervert and a pedophile because to him homosexuality equals pedophilia. Like actually from the time I was 20 to the time I was 23 I literally had no attraction to the male sex at all. Like it was most definitely a trauma response,but like I was a lesbian for like 3 ish years until I did that shroom trip and realized I was in love with a good friend of mine, who happens to be a male. Also fun fact my parents still think I am a lesbian because I haven't talked to them in a few years now sooo.

and is now going on to suck and fuck and breed with men :))

For how much anti-porn radfems say they are this screams like you are a regular porn watcher and adopted the extremely violent language in this media, and use it for people who you do not like. This statement also reduces me to a sex object, which again is antithetical to radical feminism.

and now a whole bunch of homophobes plus other lesbians will see this and their doubt about lesbianism will grow deeper :)))

How does me figuring out my sexuality and gender identity, harm others? You do realize I was in a high control environment until I was about 20 ish and then didn't have really any freedom until I came up to nyc earlier this year right? Like everyone is in the process of growing and finding oneself whether they want to believe it or not. The fact that hate has overcrowded your heart like this, makes me feel sorry for you. The fact you look at the world like this, screams you need some serious help and I hope to God you find it.

larping like a tra because you think lesbianism is a fucking haircut and then pulling right out of it with no apology

how am I like a TRA? Yeah I did have some sex dysphoria was a preteen, teenager and a little bit up til my early 20s, but most of it I worked through on shrooms so, I am just a gender conforming cisgendered bisexual woman. Nothing wrong with that!! Where tf did I say lesbian is a look? I said me being gnc was a cope, I didn't specify why. Which that stems from the fact my parents wanted a son, not a daughter and they bullied me and were rude and cruel to me over my sex, and I thought if I acted more masculine they would love me more. Well that backfired. Pulling out without an apology? what the fuck are you talking about bro?? how is my personal growth have anything to do with others??? Like I wanted to post a cute life update and you people just come for my throat; which proves why I am not the biggest fan of radfems anymore. Most of y'all are hateful bigots with complexes that obscure you from being kind or understanding. Which if you want women's liberation you need to be kind and understanding,which you are neither and I hope to god you find some goddamn peace cause you fucking need it.

go fuck yourself homophobe

How am I homophobic? Like anon you don't know me at all, like now to toot my own horn but there are some bloggers who orbit the same circles as us who know me irl and they will disagree with this statement a lot sooo lol

[placegrenette]

My fellow Jukeboxer Hannah Jocelyn wrote the best response piece I have found to date on that long New York Times essay that can be summarized as "But what if Taylor Swift really is queer?" This is less of a compliment than I want it to be; the other takes I've found so far have been shallow and awful. But Hannah is a very good writer generally and you should get on the mailing list for her upcoming music newsletter.

One of the things that distinguishes Hannah, as a serious writer, from the bad takes (I'm thinking specifically of this Slate piece) is that she does not try to handwave off the fact that the essay appeared in the Times. Hannah works from the premise that Taylor Swift, the singer-songwriter, has created a character named "Taylor Swift," and has at different times leaned into and run from all the parasocial speculation about her relationship to that character: "Nobody invites parasociality quite like her, and nobody hates it like her either." Over time a lot of people, including queer people of various stripes, have read character-Taylor as queer, and given that actual-Taylor has not worked overtime to draw a sharp line between herself and character-Taylor, when she angrily disavows character-Taylor specifically in the context of a possible queer reading, it hurts. The original essay basically assumes that actual-Taylor and character-Taylor are the same person, and, given that newspapers (at least, newspapers worth the paper they're theoretically printed on) don't usually blow past such distinctions, it feels like a sanctioning of intrusive speculation.

I will say this: no one needs my permission, but as long as you acknowledge that actual-Taylor is something different, you should be able to read character-Taylor however you want. I am middle-aged, which means that when I was being taught to think critically about popular media, the so-called death of the author was still in full swing. Since the odds of getting actual depictions of gay love (much less any other stripe of non-cisheteronormativity) were so low, queering was done sneakily, mostly privately, and sometimes with a thumb of the nose at the original creator. I'm not well versed on the history of fan fiction, so I may be overstating the case, but I'm pretty sure the women originally writing Kirk/Spock slash never believed that they were getting closer to Gene Roddenberry's truth. I want to say, so it goes now, even as audiences have a bit more comfortable with the possibility of a queer Everywoman. Your Taylor is not actual-Taylor; your Taylor is still valid.

The trade-off, though, is leaving actual-Taylor alone. Hannah compares Swift's outspoken disavowal of the "sexualizing" of her female friendships to the classic story of the queer woman whose affection for a friend goes unreciprocated: "They never cared about you like you did about them." But it's also true of any parasocial love. It doesn't matter how you write Taylor Swift, or any other celebrity, in your head; it won't match the real person. It's not fair to the real person to insist on a match.

But we seem to be in an era where the idea of matching has gone from assumed-to-be-nonexistent to incredibly important. Forgive me, for this is something I've had to work out in my own head, but: I am also old enough that the entire Harry Potter phenomenon passed me by (both my kids read the books; I enjoyed the Lego-video-game versions, and that's about it), and then also old enough (and secure enough) to be confused by the depth and breadth of emotion sparked by J. K. Rowling's anti-trans comments. Right now I have a book on loan from the library (With Love, from Cold World) where a character says it's just as well his strict parents prevented him from reading the books, because "I would've been a hardcore Potter fan, and then when the author showed her TERF colors it would've broken my heart." And I thought, not for the first time: I could see being annoyed, disappointed, disgusted, sure; but why heartbroken? If you, for whatever stripe "you" are, found something expansive in those books, J. K. Rowling being unhelpfully defensive and short-sighted doesn't make that connection go away or illegitimize it. That was between you and the books, not her. It makes more sense to me to gleefully yell, "Fuck you, J. K. Rowling," and embrace the books than to heartbrokenly reject them. And again, I'm a product of my time: back in the day there was enough to deal with, and people got more energy from the former approach than the latter.

So why does the prevailing narrative now seem to need a trans-inclusionary J. K. Rowling, or an actually-gay Taylor Swift, so much? Partly because we're all prone to black-and-white thinking, wanting our heroes good and our villains bad, and so on. (Also I like to personally speculate that 12-year-olds contribute a lot more to the prevailing narrative than most of us care to admit, and 12-year-olds are even more inclined to black-and-white thinking than their adult counterparts.) But I think there's another element now: we're all authors. We're all writing; we're all performing publicly; we're all scared of being misunderstood; we none of us want to give up control of our narratives. (Taylor Swift included.) And we're not hypocritical enough to be able to say, "I can do whatever I like with your artistic output, fuck you," and then turn around and say, "Hey! That's not what I meant!"

Aella wrote an essay a while back titled "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Internet Hate." I've read it several times and found it unsettling each time. "I didn’t know how to handle being a symbol to people," she wrote. "Something about it felt off. I wasn’t supposed to be a symbol, and people were wrong in some deep, horrible way when they failed to see my humanity." And eventually: "I’m a microcelebrity, and this means that some people will use me in ways that hurt. Throw a ball, it falls. What the fuck else did I expect to happen? This is the dynamic like the earth beneath my feet is the ground."

I still don't want to accept the dynamic that Aella is in the process of making her peace with, frankly. I can talk a good game about separating the art from the artist, as above, but in truth I'm terrified too of losing control of my own narrative, of being a symbol rather than a person, of being seen as a sliver of myself, less than human. So are you, I suspect. We want to be seen as we see ourselves, and we're scared of failing. We hope that being able to say "I think about X's creative output and therefore understand X" implies "Other people think about my creative output and therefore understand me." The alternative -- that one can write and write and write and fail to be understood -- is hard to make peace with.

@cureforbedbugs (who pointed me to Hannah's essay in the first place; his newsletter's good too) recently wrote a series of essays on Taylor Swift, and in the last one he wonders if her ascension may simply be a side effect of her having gotten big right before the pop scene fractured utterly: once her star falls, no one else's will ever shine as bright, because the way we listen to and purchase and talk about pop music has changed. I wonder, though, if part of what makes Taylor Swift so compelling is how she's been dealing with these questions of narrative control so publicly, self-aggrandizingly, fruitlessly. She's tried encouraging the close readings, and disavowing them, and leaving them alone, and trying to redirect them, and "Anti-Hero" is about how none of those approaches have worked. "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me," she finally sings, because the one thing she seems unable to do is relax and accept her own inevitable dehumanization. And when I hear "Anti-Hero" and sing along, I recognize something of myself in her words; which is a contribution even if I don't know her and never will.

[lesbian-helen-gansey]

10 Favorite Books of 2021

Making this list made me realize that I read a lot of books this year that I just felt meh about, which was kind of disappointing, but these are the really good ones! About 70% of what I read was fiction, and about 70% were written by women. This is also where I once again add the caveat that I’m terrible at summarizing books, but I do have good taste. You just have to trust me. 

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

This book is about four celebrity siblings who are hosting the party of the summer, and the narrative takes place over the course of the party as everything starts to go wrong. It’s my favorite kind of book in that it’s about people’s relationships with each other, which all books are kind of about, but this one especially. The bond between siblings, the pressure each of them feels in their role in the family, how can you be responsible for each other when no adult has been responsible for you etc. Calling all Lynch Siblings Lovers. (Adult fiction)

The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollinghurst

This is not a feel good read. This book made me very sad, but Alan Hollinghurst is one of, if not my favorite writer, so it’s worth it. I’ve never read another author that describes the specificity and complexity of human emotion the way that he does. This book takes place during the 80s in England, and is about Nick, a gay man, who moves in with his friend’s wealthy conservative family. It follows his experiences over the course of several years of trying to exist as a gay man in this time and find meaningful relationships with people without being able to be very open with any of them. It’s very character driven and is about Nick’s emotional experience as he tries to figure out who he is and how he fits in the world. Hollinghurst is such a talented writer and the book really shows off his craft. (Adult Fiction)

The Sum of Us by Heather McGhee

This is a super interesting book about how structural racism in America has led to the country’s economic inequality. It talks about the history of a variety of policies including housing and social safety programs and how people would rather destroy these programs entirely than see Black people benefit from them. These is really accessible nonfiction as it’s very narrative based. (Non-fiction)

The Crying Book by Heather Christle

If you love the web-weaving style posts on this website, than this book is for you. This book is all about crying -how we cry, why we cry, what it means to cry-, and Christle weaves together science, philosophy, and her personal experience into something that reads both like a personal essay and an extended poem. It’s really creative and beautiful. I don’t think anything else like it exists. Every page had a quote I wanted to remember. (creative non-fiction) 

The Hunting Party by Lucy Foley

A group of old college friends take their annual New Year’s Eve trip to a secluded hunting lodge. It seems like their personal drama and the secrets they’re keeping will be enough drama to keep them busy for the trip, until someone is killed. A snowstorm means no one can get in or out of the lodge. New secrets, old friends, someone dead, no help on the way. (Adult fiction)

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

It seems almost unfair to say I read this book In 2021 when what really happened was that is took me over a year to get through this audiobook, but I did finish it in 2021, so I’m saying it counts. This book is about a boy, Theo, whose mother dies in a terrorist attack at an art museum. It follows him trying to come to terms with this trauma as he becomes an adult. He also stole a painting, which is both the entire point and not the point. This book is very much an exercise in craft with extensive descriptions that Tartt can only get away with because she is such a talented writer. A book that’s worth the effort. (Adult Fiction)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid 

Another TJK! This one is about a famous movie star, Evelyn Hugo, during the golden age of Hollywood. She is looking back on her infamous life and career through the lens of her seven different husbands. I cried more reading this book than any other in recent memory, but in a good way, obviously. I agree with all the popular praise of this book that talks about how vivid Evelyn’s life seems, that it seems like she must have been a real actress. For all the times I got emotional, this was a really fun read, mostly light and easy. (Adult fiction)

The Hunting Wives by May Cobb

This year I got really into domestic thriller type books, I think in part because they tend to be quick and easy, and they also really center around the lives of women. This book is about a young mom, Sophie, who recently moved her family to a small town in Texas. Her new life isn’t what she thought it would be, and she becomes fascinated with the gorgeous and wealthy Margot. As her friendship obsession with Margot becomes more intense, she begins to spiral into a world of sex and violence she’s not sure she can get out of, or even really wants to. (Adult Fiction)

All the Crooked Saints by Maggie Steifvater

This was both a very thoughtful and heart warming book that made me very happy. I just thought it was the sweetest thing, and I really loved it. It’s about a family who preforms miracles and the people who seek them out. After a miracle goes wrong for one of their cousins, they reconsider if their traditions are as true as they think they are. Also, people fall in love. Maggie Steifvater has such a knack for creating complex, loveable characters, and this book is no different. (young adult fiction)

The Girls are All so Nice Here by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

This is by far the craziest book I read this year. If you want to read about girls being evil to each other and villainous behavior, this is the book for you. Told in two timelines, Amb is attending her college reunion and is being threatened with revenge for what she did her freshman year. It’s about the pressure women feel to compete with each other and the way that projecting your insecurities onto others can make you into the vilian in the story really quickly  (Adult Fiction, cw sa)

(I feel like everyone on here already knows I loved Call Down the Hawk and Mister Impossible, so It feels redundant to put them on the list, but those too!!)

[goosemixtapes]

ok i’ve elected to just Make The Damn Post My Damn Self because i need something to link back to when i inevitably get into arguments about this because i have run-my-mouth disorder. so. slightly-more-generally-applicable companion piece to this post:

“but how can lesbians use he/him pronouns???!?1???”

1: pronouns =/= gender.

one of the arguments i see a lot with this topic is “pronouns = gender, & saying otherwise is transphobic.” i GET this, because pronouns are important & often correlate with gender, but saying pronouns = gender is oversimplified. pronouns are a method of gender presentation - same as clothing, name, & so on & so forth. society genders all of these things, but names & clothing do not prescribe gender. a man, cis or trans, who decides to wear a dress does not become a woman because of the dress; a woman, cis or trans, with a traditionally “masculine” name (ex. bailey, taylor, cameron), does not become a man because of the name. closeted trans people, if they must use names and wear clothing correlated with their agab, are still trans & are still the gender they are.

yes, most binary-gendered people choose clothing & names that “match” their gender, but some might not! think of butch lesbians -- they are women, just deliberately gendernonconforming women. pronouns are the same way -- the majority of men use “masculine” pronouns, & the majority of women use “feminine” pronouns, but this is because pronouns are a form of gender expression/presentation.

“pronouns =/= gender” does not equate to “i can misgender whoever i want.” pronouns should always be respected.

2: nonbinary people can use whatever pronouns they want.

this follows from #1. yeah, i’d say the majority of nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. but not all nonbinary people dress totally androgynously; some present more feminine or more masculine. the same is true for pronouns. nonbinary people may use she/her or he/him pronouns as part of their presentation - think of jonathan van ness (uses primarily he/him) or rebecca sugar (uses she/her along with they/them). this isn’t even getting into neopronouns; that’s a whole different post. the point is that restricting nonbinary people to they/them pronouns really misses the point of identifying as nonbinary: it’s not a third slot in the gender binary; it’s the general state of existing outside or partially outside of it.

(note: cis people can also use whatever pronouns they want. some cis lesbians use he/him; i’ll get to he/him lesbians a few slots down, but i just want to make it clear that sometimes cis people also use pronouns to express gender nonconformity & that’s their business & the same idea!)

3: lesbians can be nonbinary.

nonbinary =/= totally genderless. sometimes, for some people, it does mean that! but not for everyone. see #2 again, on trying to make nonbinary a strictly defined third gender.

(note: this doesn’t only apply to lesbians. this honestly applies to anyone. i’m just talking about lesbians because that’s My Lane.)

lesbians in particular often have complex relationships with gender, & have for literal decades. as womanhood is to a large degree constructed in contrast to & in relation to manhood, lesbian gender has kind of taken on its own thing since we just... are never in relationships with men, ever, which muddles the whole thing up. (also, womanhood is often a generally uncomfortable and muddled thing because of, you know, misogyny, so there’s that.) thus, a lot of lesbians feel disconnected from “womanhood” as an idea.

a lot of people like to protest nonbinary lesbians by saying “but a lesbian is a GIRL who likes GIRLS!!!1!!” yes. we... we know. the thing is, though, that if any nonbinary person identifies as a lesbian, they are probably close enough to womanhood to count as a wlw! the term “lesbian” automatically brings “women who love women” to people’s minds. if a nonbinary person is uncomfortable associating with womanhood at all, literally why would they use that term. it stands to reason that the people who DO use that term feel at least a tangential connection there.

a lot of lesbians define their gender solely as “lesbian.” in my own experience, the ONLY connection i feel toward womanhood is liking girls in a gay way. the attraction i feel toward women is gay attraction - i am attracted to women who like women. i do not want to date a straight woman who sees me as a man. if i didn’t like women, i wouldn’t have this connection & would probably identify otherwise - but i do like women & as it is that’s pretty much... what my gender is. (this is why people may say their gender is “butch” or “femme” -- it’s the same idea of a gender defined by attraction & the way you relate to women!)

for some people, nonbinary does mean totally genderless. for others, it just means anything that isn’t strictly binary. hence why some lesbians may consider themselves nonbinary - not entirely woman, but woman enough to be a lesbian. an example in layman’s terms: you know how “berry” lacroix tastes like it maybe saw a berry, once, from a distance? my gender is lacroix and the flavor is woman.

4: lesbians can thus use whatever pronouns they want.

i think this one is like... a geometry proof. #2 (nonbinary people can use any pronouns) + #3 (lesbians can be nonbinary) makes this one pretty simple. while the rest of this post will be about he/him lesbians, because that’s what i see the most “discourse” about, lesbians can use she/her or they/them or he/him or it/its or xe/xem or Any Other Pronouns They Want. Any.

5: “but why would a lesbian ever want to use he/him pronouns?”

people who ask this are usually asking one of these more specific questions:

“but if you use he/him, aren’t you a man?” see #1.

“but why would lesbians want to use masculine pronouns when lesbianism is about women?” i don’t know. why do butch lesbians dress masculinely? why do they often use masculine names or nicknames? it’s about the deliberate gender nonconformity, something that has been central to lesbian communities for literal decades. pronouns are another form of presentation (see #1); using pronouns other than she/her is another form of nonconformity.

“masculine clothing and names i get -- but why pronouns? that feels a little much.” i do get this! i used to feel the same way! but the criteria for being a lesbian is like... 1) not a man 2) a woman or at least sort of connected to being a woman (see #3) (yes, this includes trans lesbians, who are not men) 3) attracted to women and not men. that’s the criteria. that’s all.

& i would like to think that some of you have the best intentions. but i would really, really caution you away from trying to disqualify people from iding as lesbians because of the pronouns they use. saying “well, clearly lesbians can wear masculine clothes and have masculine names, but the pronouns are a step too far” doesn’t make any sense -- where do you draw the line? at what point are you trying to define when someone is “too masculine to be a lesbian?” and why do you feel the need to do that?

this goes double for nonlesbians. i’ll repeat: really, honestly ask yourself why you feel the need to do that.

(note: butch lesbians aren’t the only lesbians who are gender nonconforming and they aren’t the only ones who use he/him pronouns! but i’ve found this is very common among butches, more so than other lesbians, + it’s another space where i can speak from personal experience.)

6: “wait but this feels kind of TERFy. are you saying trans men can be lesbians?”

oh no. oh god no. lesbians = not men. trans men = men. (& trans women = trans women, & TERFS can choke.)

i think there is a misconception among some trans men (especially transmedicalists) that he/him lesbians are trying to tell trans men they aren’t “real men” & thus undermining their identities. the idea is that we’re saying, “hey, look, lesbians can use whatever pronouns we want! thus, you don’t need to transition :) you can use he pronouns and still be a gay woman :)” to which the obvious response is “i’m not a woman and this is transphobic.”

but i... honestly truly have never seen a he/him lesbian say that. we aren’t the same! even if we use the same pronouns, even if we may take some of the same steps to feel gender euphoria (ex. wearing more masculine clothing, binding/going on T for afab lesbians), we are not the same! trans men = men. men cannot be lesbians. he/him lesbians = people who are not men, but have a complicated relationship to womanhood. thus:

he/him lesbians =/= trans men.

there is no correlation.

(note: i lied. there is one correlation. the correlation is friends and allies. trans men i’m on your team and i hope you’re having a good day. my right to exist is not mutually exclusive with yours; we’re fighting similar battles.)

7. “okay, i guess, but i still don’t really get it?”

that’s okay!! gender is confusing as shit (plus this was a long & slightly repetitive post, because i wanted to make sure i covered all my bases). here are some things you can do if you still don’t understand:

a) talk to more he/him lesbians! maybe my explanation doesn’t really do it for you, but someone else’s will! (if you’re interested in lesbian history, i can recommend stone butch blues, which can be downloaded as a PDF from leslie feinberg’s website. the main character’s relationship to gender isn’t quite the same as the one explained in this post -- jess has to use he/him & pass as male to stay safe -- but it’s still a good read that gets into the complexity of lesbian gender. the lesbian mc participates in butch/femme culture, gets top surgery, & later has a relationship with a trans woman -- so, basically, corroborating what i’ve said about how lesbians can do all of these things & still be lesbians.)

b) if you don’t have the time/energy/desire to talk to more he/him lesbians, that’s fine! just respect us. respect our pronouns. don’t misgender us; don’t call us men or say we aren’t lesbians. you don’t have to get it to accept us.

c) here’s a secret. if you still don’t understand, but you are no longer seeking help understanding & you’ve decided to just vibe and respect us without totally Getting It - that is totally fine. you don’t need to tell us this :) saying “hey, i don’t really get it, could you help?” is one thing. saying “hey, i still don’t get it. not asking for help, just letting you know” is uh. is like. um. okay thanks for informing me?? i guess ??

i understand that not everyone will Get It. but if you’re using my pronouns & respecting my identity, i do not need to hear that you don’t actually get it because my gender is super complicated. it is a little, er, how you say, impolite. (again - not the same as asking for help! i’m totally open to answer any questions anyone has.)

_______________________________________________________________________

source: i am a he/him lesbian.

you are allowed & politely encouraged to reblog this post.

if anyone would like to add to this post -- particularly other lesbians and/or trans women (as i’m tme and don’t want to overstep) -- feel free!

if anyone would like to ask me to elaborate on something, feel free to ask in the reblogs, replies, or in my inbox/dms!

if anyone would like to clown on this post and say some lesbophobic or transphobic bullshit without reading what i wrote, please block me, log off, & go trip over something <3

[oh-hush-its-perfect]

do you think there is any significance that alex's colour scheme is green and pink? or do you think rr went "u know what this character needs? to look like a watermelon"

((Prefacing this by saying that I'm giving RR way too much credit here, but you shouldn't take anything an author does for granted— even a serial author who often makes blunders and mistakes.))

A while ago I saw a (pretty unfair) assumption that RR made it green and pink because blue and pink would be too obvious, but that his intention was obviously to reinforce the gender binary by using two distinctly gendered colors for a character with two distinct genders. Of course, they did not phrase it so delicately. No offense to whoever made that post, but I disagree.

Although that may have had to do with it, there's other things to consider. One of them is color symbolism. And oh. OH. I ADORE symbolism— especially flower/plant symbolism (Language of the Flowers and all that jazz), seasonal symbolism (there's a reason that evermore is my second favorite Taylor Swift album), and color symbolism.

GREEN

Let's talk about green first. Green can symbolize a lot of different things, and there are a few that can be applied to Alex's character. The most obvious thing that green often represents is jealousy— hence the expression "green with envy." But envy is not really one of Alex's character traits. Feel free to argue with me if you think that Alex is significantly envious. Just because I couldn't think of substantial textual evidence for it does not mean that there isn't any.

One of the traits that Alex does have is wealth. Green is the color of American currency, and since both RR and Alex are American, it's safe to take an American lens while looking at this color. Alex's socioeconomic background effects her in a big way. I mentioned in a previous post that I think that Alex's fatal flaw is her sense of entitlement. That kind of entitlement is a quality not exclusive to but common among the upper class. However, her distance from her wealthy background enhances the sense of irony in the story, which is a VERY big thing that we NEVER talk about within the fandom.

This is kind of a little thing, but it's worth noting that when it comes to Valhalla and everything, Alex is "green"— as in new and inexperienced.

The color green also emphasizes Alex's connection with nature. This is one of the parts of Alex's character that the fandom consistently underplays, which is an absolute shame. I don't think I have to explain why the color green is associated with all things natural. Alex's association with nature provides a few key things to her character:

It makes her a more well-rounded character. Another criticism of Alex I believe is totally unfounded is that "being genderfluid is her only personality trait because it influences her philosophy on pottery, which is her only hobby." I'm probably going to make another post in, like, a few minutes about why I find that argument a little silly, but the primary problem is that pottery is not Alex's only hobby. She also loves camping, hiking, and ice wall climbing (I bet y'all forgot about that last one!)

It gives her a connection with Magnus. I mentioned in a previous post that Magnus and Alex are foils, but I neglected to bring up why that also makes for very good chemistry between them. Of course, yes, they have different goals and philosophy, which is what makes them foils in the first place. But foil relationships function best when the characters also share some traits. As it turns out, Alex and Magnus share several hobbies, and one of them is a mutual love for nature. This is a very unexplored thing in fics. Start doing it more plz.

Finally, and this one's kind of minor, but the Alex's green gives her a connection to Natalie. I know, whenever Alex and Natalie are compared, either in canon or in fandom, everybody kind goes "eww. Oedipus complex." Which is very fair and true. But they really do have a lot of similarites. The green of Alex's hair and clothes connects her to the green of Natalie's eyes. It's worth saying, too, that Alex has one amber eye— and amber is pretty close to dirty blonde, like Natalie's hair.

If I had more faith in RR, I might bring up the concept of intextuality and how Alex wearing green is an allusion to The Great Gatsby and how Alex is elusive to Magnus, just like Daisy is to Gatsby. But I don't.

PINK

To give credit to the person who wrote the post I mentioned at the beginning of this spiel, I do believe that part of the reason pink was used was to support femininity. Please keep in mind that Alex dresses in an androgynous way— not that there is an actually "gendered" way to dress, since gender as we perceive it is mostly made up. But Alex's existence as a transfemme person (which I will maintain until my dying day) means that pink has a certain significance to her. A lot of AMAB people embrace traditionally feminine things because if they don't, they will not be accepted as genuine women or genuine nonbinary folks, since masculine dress is unisex and kind of the default. So Alex wearing pink probably had something to do with her gender, yes. But that's not necessarily a bad thing, and it's certainly not an unrealistic thing.

Speaking of Alex's gender in relation to the color pink, let's talk about pink's use as a queer rights symbol. Alex was RR's first character to be introduced as a queer character from the start. This was not an insignificant thing, especially in the year of our Lord 2016 (which, despite popular belief, seriously had an entirely different landscape of queer rep. Though it's commonplace now to include genderqueer characters, it was exceptional at the time— especially by such an accomplished and mainstream children's author.).

Let's go back in time to Nazi Germany. Some of you might know this, but for those of you don't this transition must seem jarring. I swear there's a point. In addition to Jews, Romani individuals, people with disabilities, and Poles (among others), gay men were victimized by the Nazis. If you're wondering why lesbians weren't persecuted, it's because the Nazis didn't see them as a serious political threat, or as a threat to the perpetuation of the Aryan race since they assumed gay women could be forcefully impregnated if need be. Yeah, ew. Anyway, much like the Star of David being used to mark Jewish people, gay men were forced into concentration camps and forced to wear a pink triangle. Years later, after the gay population somewhat recovered, the pink triangle was reclaimed and used as a symbol for gay men. Some people who were not gay men used it, too, but that's somewhat controversial since it wasn't their symbol to reclaim. When the first pride flag was created, it had a pink stripe at the top to signify sex (this was later dropped so flags could be more easily produced). The pink triangle (inverted) was used during the AIDs epidemic with the caption "Silence=Death."

My point is that this is a very important color to queer folks. Having one of the first genderfluid characters in kid's lit wear pink...... I mean, it makes sense.

The last and final thing that pink represents, in this context and in general, is innocence. Granted, this kind of connects to feminitity since women (especially white women) are often infantalized and seen as innocent— which is another issue. In any case, the use of pink to represent innocence in Alex's dress is ironic. Alex has been robbed of her childhood innocence, first by her abusive parents, then by her life on the streets, and then by her eventual death at age sixteen. But then she actually regains her innocence. At the beginning of the—

Hold on. I just had a revelation. I'll make a post about it soon.

At the beginning of SotD, Alex is acting a little childish. The most obvious example is him jumping on Randolph's bed to "make noise." Alex's life is stable and relatively healthy for the first time in the years, and she experiences something that a lot of queer folks experience: a re-emergence of childhood at a late stage.

I imagine you didn't expect a post this long. I either make essay responses to asks or I add on one sentence and post it. Oops. Anyway, I believe the mcga fandom can be more creative than calling Alex a watermelon. Here are some other (kinda romantic) pink-and-green alternatives:

Roses

Dragonfruit

Grapefruit

Cherry blossom trees

[swiftthought]

[Do give it a read]

There something I wanted to talk about for a while now about the double standards I have been seeing on social media regarding a lot of things per say but mainly about the Music Industry. I read a tweet and a discussion by some people about how there was an article saying that Taylor Swift is as influential as the Beatles and how people were saying no no please no, she is no where near it and all.

I mean it's okay to think that or disagree with it but the reason they were giving for their disagreement was just horseshit. Ohh she is so immature and she hasn't even risen above writing about her exes and stuff. Such things does make me angry cause as everyone knows that every fucking artist does that especially your so called favorite "Male Artists" who are just considered legends by everyone even when they don't have half as much talent or genius as the Female artists.

Even as a guy I can see such double standards like what do you expect them to do? Like writing about their experiences in life is considered so bad but when a Male artist literally calls someone a bitch and says she owes him sex, then he is considered legendary like really??

Men being so insecure that how can a women be that powerful or influential or leave a mark in the industry that is much bigger than you could ever dream of?

Not just in music Music Industry but in every field of life women have been downplayed and as a guy I can tell you with 100% surety that maximum of the guys don't even realize they are doing it or they don't think it's that big of a deal. It has just been embedded in their sub conscious that this is how things are supposed to be.

Most of the guys are just of the opinion like Taylor is just that singer who is unnecessarily feminist. Whenever I say to people especially guys that I love Taylor Swift I always get the response that are you a teenage girl or are you gay?

I always want to be like my choice is not child like its your mind that is child like. I love her cause she potray the society as it is not because she is being unnecessarily feminist. And your reply to it is exactly what's wrong with the society.

Like just look at the amount of hate Female Artists get compared to the Male Artists, it's just unbelievable. Every single time if there is even a smallest chance of blaming a Female artist everyone just hops on the hate train. I have never seen any Male artists being hated as much as them.

This cancel culture on social media has become so toxic that all I can see are a bunch of people being incredibly insecure about everything in life and just hating on everyone instead of respecting someone's opinion, their likes or dislikes.

So all I want to say to all the women out there struggling to be treated right struggling to embrace their trueself in this world I'm with you and I'll try to make it better for you guys cause if I was in your place I don't know how I'll be able to cope with it.

Also I have a request for all the swifties out here let's set an example of what our beloved queen as taught us. Let's just ignore all the hate comments that comes our way, let's not try to give any leverage to the haters. Let's just be a fandom that spread love and good vibes and not let someone make this a toxic fandom. Cheers✌

[therealtsk]

tsk i’m DYING to hear your play-by-play on which worm characters have dumb fanon interpretations

UH OH YOU JUST OPENED THE FLOODGATES so the short answer is pretty much every major character but I am a high-effort bitch so let's do this: Taylor Hebert: jfc, I could probably hit a word count limit talking about Taylor alone. First you have the dumb as shit TINO (Taylor In Name Only) phenomenon where people just straight up SI as Taylor but pretend it's her and she's basically a different person wearing Taylor's skin like an ill-fitting suit. Then there's the Memetic Escalator Taylor interpretation where Taylor's Warlord era characterization is flanderized so hard that she turns into her world's version of Doomguy where her response to literally everything is ultra violence, mutilation and torture and she can totally beat up anyone you guys hahah coin sock goes brrrrr you go brutalize those totally deserving victims queen. And then there's shy, stuttering, soft spoken "useless lesbian" Taylor which is not as common but still, fuckin straight men and the way they infantize gay women. Taylor is perhaps the most consistently inconsistent characterization I've seen in fandom, it's fucking wild Lisa Wilbourn: Has two fanon settings. Taylor's best friend who exists solely to give exposition and get the "Stop Coil" subplot rolling (occasional gay subtext will be added in a way that feels fetishy) Or, the evil bitchy blonde who is first target of the SI. I constantly wonder if the people who write the frankly masturbatory SI's are aware that we can tell they're still bitter about girls not dating them in highschool. Brian: basically does not exist in fic aside from the occasional joke cause racism and also because of how popular wlw ships are in Worm fandom. you deserve better dude Alec: has a few token appearances in wormfic fandom that usually have him as the comic relief alongside Aisha, which might actually be for the best considering he's a rapist and the Worm fandom's uhhhh tendencies. Moving on- Aisha: prankster girl that alt!Taylor will adopt as a younger sibling. hopefully is not part of the totally-not-a-harem considering she's even younger then the rest of these teens Bitch: Another girl to fall into alt!Taylor's definitely-not-a-harem, but with more butch tendencies. Basically has no personality in fanon outside of her dogs Parian: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SHOP FFS also another member of Taylor's totally-not-a-harem Flechette: yeah it's a harem Sophia: holy shit you think Brian's bad? The racism in pretty much every fanon depiction of Sophia is off the charts. Hyper-violent, super edgy, "predator/prey" speech inbound, will get humilated/killed in some new, supposedly satisfying but actually just deeply uncomfortable way, probably throw in some E88 shit too just because Emma: again, do the writers know we can tell they're still malding over the fact that the pretty girls in highschool didn't date them? fanon emma is pretty much a cardboard cut out of whoever was mean to the author. something something bitches three Madison: in fanon has a C53 fetish, occasionally is also Browbeat. don't ask why Victoria: gets hit with the blonde stereotypes even harder then Lisa, "Collateral Damage Barbie" is one of the phrases that activates my flight or fight responses. she basically is an entirely different character in fanon. bubbly dumb blonde girl with a massive temper and well other sexist bullshiit Amy: I hate even touching this character with a ten foot pole but basically is hit with the "soft useless lesbian" trope hard enough to make her into a completely separate person from her canon self. whether or not this is a good thing is still up for debate Carol: in fanon, an evil bitch who exists solely to bully Amy Mark: who? The rest of New Wave: cannon fodder for Leviathan Danny Hebert: literally stale milk instead of a personality, will probably die before the fic is over but we won't care because the author did not care either Armsmaster: hahaha robotman go brrrr or is an arrogant self-aggrandizing shit, can't interact with people without Dragon helping him 24/7 Miss Militia: fanon bat'd into team mom,

idk where this came from considering her first instinct upon seeing children is to pull out a gun holy shit wait is she actually Taylor's true mom- Velocity: canon fodder for levi Battery & Assault: sitcom wife, sitcom husband! please ignore how fucked up this relationship is if you look at it for more than two seconds Dauntless: haha armsy is JEALOUS also cannon fodder for levi Triumph: who? The BB wards in general tend to be incredibly bland, the only ones who have fanon personalities of note are Clockblocker and Vista. The former being such a huge prankster that every other line is a joke- or him complaining about how BULLSHIT Alt!Taylor's powers are. Vista is an angry kiddo who says that Shadow Stalker doesn't count as being a girl on the team The E88: no personality for any of them except that Kaiser is noble and really isn't that bad and also Purity did nothing wrong totally she's just a hot mom trying to do her best, please ignore how she exclusively targets characters of color and literally calls white criminals more civilized than miniorities- the worm fandom has something of a nazi problem i hate it here The ABB: racism and honorable samurai lung even though that has no canon basis so again, racist stereotypes The Slaughterhouse 9: This one makes me just as sad as the Lisa shit because dear god this is such a good cast of villains that fanon completely flattens to bowling pins for the Alt!Taylor of the week to mow down, why does this fandom suck so much. Anyway Jack is just the Joker, Crawler is masochistic, etc i'm moving on now The PRT/Protectorate as a whole: They are an evil paramilitary organization that pressgangs kids into signing up to become child soldiers, and somehow at the same time, they are a bunch of idiots who listen to the PR department and have stupid things like RULES that prevent capes from COMMITTING VIOLENCE. Being called "the biggest gang of all" is common and some shit like "at least the criminals are honest" is a likely statement. Cauldron: whoo boy this one really boils my blood but fanon Cauldron are just a bunch of evil idiots who can't even tie their shoelaces. basically a bunch of dudebros are upset that women run the world and that two of them essentially have "I win" powers so they have to make them lose to their SI- er, Taylor in fics so they can assuage their masculinity, which totally isn't pathetic Scion: Is at once the end all be all of worm you can't write a wormfic without scion or else it's TOTALLY MEANINGLESS because what is the point of a story if all the characters are going to DIE in a few years anyway, and at the same time is incredibly easy to defeat- this ties into how Cauldron is stupid. Scion Truthers pls shut up and go read something else okay I think that's everyone I would apologize but the only thing I'm sorry for is how messy this is

[caspianjames]

BONUS Up And Coming: Julie and the Phantoms

Up and Coming: Julie and the Phantoms Jennifer McCreedy, Junior Correspondent 

On this month’s issue of Up and Coming I had the privilege of sitting down with one of America’s biggest up and coming bands, Julie and the Phantoms. Julie Molina (17), Reggie Peters (18), Alex Mercer (17), and Luke Patterson (17) began rapidly gaining popularity as YouTube stars last fall. They created music videos for songs they wrote themselves, editing them to appear as if the band were ghosts “popping in” behind Julie. Don’t understand what I mean? You can click here to check it out for yourself!

The band has a strong air of camaraderie, and it’s the first thing I notice when I walk into the room with them. They’re all piled on our big interview couch, Molina and Mercer are pressed together whispering. Patterson is bantering with Peters and flicks him in the forehead. They’re like any group of teenagers bordering on adulthood, excited and eager to please. It’s immediately apparent that to all of them, the band has a deep meaning of friendship and support. 

Of course, the first topic of conversation was about the band - what inspired the structure of their music videos, how they got their name, and which came first - the ghost music videos or the ghost band! 

“Since my mom died, my brother has really been into ghosts,” Molina explained to me. “It was actually his idea for the band to pop in like that. My dad does videography as his job, so he was able to help us film and edit. My best friend, Flynn Taylor, came up with the band name.”

The boys all laugh when I ask if they liked the name right away or if there were discussions before they went public with it. “Flynn doesn’t do discussions,” Mercer smiles at Julie like there’s an inside joke there. There probably is, seeing how close these four are. “They came up with the name and made us posters, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter before even asking us what we thought.”

“We loved it,” Peters is quick to jump in. “And we love Flynn. She knew we’d like it, or they wouldn’t have gone ahead with everything.”

Flynn Taylor, Julie’s best friend, doubles as the band manager - she is on tour with them, but opted not to be present for the interview. 

Since beginning their tour with Panic! At the Disco, all their videos have amassed over one million views each on YouTube and their music has been released on Spotify with startlingly quick success. Molina, I discovered, is actually the newest member of the band, although I would never have known from watching the four bandmates interact. She is also the youngest by a year, having just had her seventeenth birthday as the boys are all turning eighteen, but she holds herself with a quiet confidence that all the boys seem to look to. Even this early into the interview they defer to her to answer questions and look to her for reactions to their own answers. 

This made it especially surprising to find out that the band existed before Julie joined it, just under a different name. Sunset Curve. Clearly, it did not have the popularity that Julie and the Phantoms has even a few months into their creation. “We played a couple school shows and stuff,” Patterson told me, “but nothing clicked until we met Julie.” Luke Patterson carries a humming energy with him that comes across in his words. In true rocker fashion, he struggles to sit still, tapping his fingers on his thighs and softly bouncing on the couch. 

Unsurprisingly, Molina used similar words to describe the band’s first meeting. “The first time I sang with them at school we just clicked,” she says, smiling at Luke. 

Of course, given their success, I had to ask the question everyone wants to know. How did they end up opening for Panic! At the Disco, despite being relatively unknown outside the Los Angeles music scene previous to their debut at The Orpheum?

“We’ve seen some wild theories,” Mercer confides to me with a small smile on his face. He is arguably the most subdued of the group and generally seems content to watch his bandmates answer my questions. Don’t be fooled, though - not only is he a phenomenal drummer, he also sings backup vocals for Julie and the Phantoms. “My favouirte theory was one that caught a lot of steam on Twitter about us using ‘ghost powers’,” he adds air quotes with his hands and laughs, “to hide the scheduled opener’s tour bus and then pop into the venue in their place at the time they were supposed to perform.”

The whole band laughs at this - clearly it is a favourite theory amongst them. Peters adds, though, that it was clearly an unfounded theory given that “Julie doesn’t have any ghost powers, anyways. That’s why it’s Julie and the Phantoms. But I’d kill for ghost powers in real life.” When I ask what he’d use them for, though, he seems stumped. “I think it would just be cool to walk through walls.” We’re with you on that one, Reggie!

But what actually did happen to get them into the coveted opening spot at The Orpheum? Molina gives me a modest smile when I ask. “We were honestly just in the right place at the right time,” she explains. 

Patterson picks up the story from there with a little bit more flair, telling me that the opening band had actually gotten food poisoning - “from a street dog vendor, believe it or not” - and the manager of the Orpheum happened to be familiar with the Julie and the Phantoms YouTube page. 

“Since we were local,” Peters explains, “It was just a phone call. And then suddenly we were on stage doing a proper professional soundcheck for the first time in our lives.”

“Everything moved so fast after that,” Patterson adds. Each of his bandmates nod in agreement as he speaks. “We blinked and we were on a tour bus, suddenly.”

It seems that the band is handling the change well, though. 

“It’s definitely different,” Molina tells me. “We have to be responsible for our own school and make sure we’re turning in assignments on time. There’s a lot of driving and a lot of time to kill. We can get on each other’s nerves quite a bit, but there’s always a lot of time for songwriting, too.”

When I prompt her about who gets on who’s nerves, the whole band turns in tandem to look at Luke. He laughs and shrugs at me. “I’m an early riser,” he explains. “I like music in my hands twenty-four seven. I always have my guitar, but it isn’t always appreciated.”

“We’ve had to compromise,” Mercer says with a long-suffering sigh. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was the oldest of the group. “Luke isn’t allowed to start playing music until eleven in the morning the day after a show.”

As for being on tour with Panic!, none of them seem all too bothered by the fame of the headliners. “They’re really cool,” Peters explains to me. “They’ve been doing this a long time and they always have advice for us which I think we really value right now.”

Otherwise, though, the band seems to keep to themselves. When asked about their favouirte hobbies, Peters speaks at length about Star Wars. “I can’t watch the prequels before bed,” he says. His bandmates groan and shake their heads, although he seems unbothered. “Jar-Jar gives me nightmares.”

Other than Star Wars, “We try to make sure we get time and space for ourselves every day,” Molina says. “It’s a lot of us in a small space, and if we don’t get away from each other for a bit we argue a lot more.”

When I ask each of them who their favourite bandmate is to live with, all the boys say Julie and then turn expectantly for her answer. “I suppose Flynn doesn’t count as a bandmate,” she said with a sigh. “Probably Alex, but we live together normally so it’s not something that’s new.”

Mercer confirms this piece of information with a nod and a smile. “I prefer sharing a room with your brother to sharing a bus with you, though,” he says to Julie. She just rolls her eyes. 

When pushed, Mercer elaborates a little bit. “I’ve been living with Julie’s family for my senior year. It’s a better environment for me and is much closer to our school than where I lived. My parents are happy that it gives me more time to focus on school.”

Since I have Mercer’s attention now, I ask him a question I’ve been dying to know the answer to. Does he know what a role model he is to gay and questioning children and teens that get to see him be himself so publicly? 

As all the boys have been doing, he looks to Julie before answering. “I don’t think about it much, to be honest,” he says candidly. “If people think I’m a role model then I’m glad, but I’m just me. And being gay is part of me, a part of me that’s always been completely accepted by my band, just like my drumming or my singing.”

There was no tension, the band members explain, upon finding out about Alex’s sexuality. “No one was surprised when Alex came out,” Patterson adds. “We were only, like, twelve when he came out to us, anyway. It’s just a fact about who he is. Like, Alex is gay and hates mornings and I play the guitar and love mornings and we’re best friends.”

“Plus, I’m bisexual,” Peters adds, “So it would be hypocritical to have a problem with Alex.”

“I’m pansexual,” Patterson pipes up again. “And Alex being himself helped me figure out that part of myself.”

Molina doesn’t seem to have much to add. “Alex was already out when I met him,” she says. “It was never a surprise and someone’s sexuality shouldn’t be something that causes tension or makes people upset anyways.”

When I point out that it has seemed to cause some tension among fans, they all sigh. For unaware readers, the band has been stirring up quite the debate on Twitter and Instagram amongst fans and haters alike as to who is dating who. Patterson and Molina confirmed their relationship before going on tour and have been dating since before their band became popular. Recently, a Twitter user attending a Julie and the Phantoms meet and greet noted the closeness between Molina and Peters, causing fans to speculate that Molina is cheating on Patterson with Peters. When I ask if they'd like to address it, however, they all nod. 

“Luke and I have been dating for a few months,” Julie says, “very happily. Neither of us have cheated on each other, nor would we ever. But we’re both also dating Reggie.”

When I ask for clarification, Peters adds, “I’m dating Luke and Julie, just like Julie is dating me and Luke and Luke is dating Julie and me.” Although it doesn’t sound clear, it does seem to be clear for them. 

“We’d like people to give us our privacy, although we know that probably won’t happen,” Molina says. “We’re allowed to define our own relationships in the way that works for us, we don’t have to hold them up to anyone else’s expectations or preconceived notions of what a relationship should look like.”

When I ask if there’s anything they’d like to add before we wrap up, Patterson pipes up with a confident “Yes.” 

“We’re Julie and the Phantoms,” he says, prompting Peters to follow up with “Tell your friends!”

Tell your friends, indeed. You can find Julie and the Phantoms everywhere that Panic! At the Disco is playing for the next four weeks. 

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[path-of-my-childhood]

I've always known that Taylor felt the way that she felt since I first became friends with her. I was always not afraid to ask her questions about what her stance was. Every time she answered me, it always felt very genuine and very not hesitant. She didn't choose her words carefully like she was trying to say the politically correct thing. She just said, 'This is how I feel. This is just how it is. It's a basic human right.' She would almost like - if it were cool and popular to say "duh" right now - like that was how easy her response was. I am glad that she has gotten to a point now where she is sharing that with the world because I do think that oftentimes - I mean, she is a heterosexual female who is white - so I think that a lot of people who would initially gravitate towards her might be people who have very different political views, and very different views on the world in like, what should happen with the Black Lives Matter movement. Or what should happen with gay rights. And I think her being someone who they feel safe with and who looks like their next-door neighbor, I think that's part of the appeal of Taylor Swift - that she is the girl next door, and even though we don't live next door to her, she makes you feel that way, and the second you meet her she is immediately disarming because she does feel like the girl next door. She is the girl next door, it's just part of her being very amazing. It's really, really awesome to see her using her voice, because the sad truth is, her being a white person with blonde hair and blue eyes saying this, in this world right now holds a lot of weight to a lot of people who feel very differently than she might. And I think that she's changing a lot of minds and a lot of hearts. She's playing a huge part in this evolution that's happening in the world and with the conversations that are happening in the homes that need to have them. [On whether they've been in touch these past few weeks] We have been in touch and we've had a couple conversations and I wish I remembered exactly what she said because, you know, she talks a lot about white privilege and when you realize that you have it, and that you have to be willing to do the research. She talked to me about the fact that she read a lot, and watched a lot so that she could educate herself. I think that she understands that a lot of the reason why people don't understand or think that this whole concept of white privilege is a myth is because the fact that you are white and you can choose to not acknowledge it is a privilege in and of itself. And she realizes that, and in her own words explained that to me. You know there's a movie called "A Time To Kill" that I love, where a huge impactful (spoiler alert) moment in the movie is where a man says, 'I chose you as a white lawyer to represent me because even though you want to be on this team, you are not. You are on that team. So you need to say to those people whatever you would say to yourself to change your own mind.' And that's such a powerful moment and I think that Taylor saying it to people who look like her, who might have come from the same background or potentially same belief system, I don't know what Taylor was raised to believe - I know her parents and I know that they are so open and loving with everyone, but sometimes you just don't know the things you're being subconsciously taught. I think that you have to be willing to put down your ego and not take it as an attack on yourself, and open up and say - I realize I have been a recipient of privilege and this is what I am going to do to acknowledge it, address it and to help change the world so that everyone receives the same equal treatment. [On things Taylor said about him for his Billboard cover story] To read the nice things that Taylor said, it made me feel great because at the end of the day you can have a million followers on every platform, but if at the core of who you are you don't feel that you are a good person and that you are doing positive things with the platform you've been given to help change the world for the better, then why do you have it anyway? Why are you in this game? And that's why I love Taylor so much because she does use her platform to uplift people, and the fact that she acknowledges that I've always been honest with her, always been really true about how I feel about her... I love that girl so much, I can't even express to you. She's just... I get so protective of her because her heart is so pure, and in this crazy world that we live in there are very few people that you meet and after time and time and time again, I just keep seeing how pure her heart is, and how much she loves, and how empathetic she is to what's going on in the world at all times. That's very rare to find in a human being, but even more rare to find in a superstar who has everything at her disposal. She could use every dime that she has to buy more houses and a bazillion cars, and do things to uplift herself. And she is constantly waking up every day doing things to uplift other people. So many things, I wish I could be the person telling everybody all of her business, but she does so many things to help people that she would never talk about, and knowing her - she is doing it for the right reasons but it's just... she is a very rare human being. I am honestly blessed to know someone that is so sweet. [On whether he was gonna perform on Lover Fest] No, there were no plans, but with Taylor - she is Sagittarius and it fits her personality. She is so easy going, when we were on the set of YNTCD I was like, 'What do you want me to wear?' She was like, 'Whatever you wanna wear.' In fact the jacket that I wore was so gorgeous, I saw it in her dressing room and I fell in love with it and it was something she was gonna wear but she was like, 'If you like it, you wear it. It's fine, I'll find something else.' I would never do that on my own video. Never! She makes me wanna be a better person. I just gave a kid a bubble jacket that I wore for the Billboard article because I just knew that it would mean so much to him - and I learned that from her. It was inspired by the things that I see Taylor do.

Todrick Hall on Taylor's recent remarks slamming racism and inequality and conversations he’s had with her (ET Online, June 15th 2020)

[iwanthermidnightz]

*As usual, below I’m sharing excerpts from this article that are noteworthy*

What may come as a surprise to the band’s fans is the news that T.J., 36, is gay. This isn’t a recent revelation for him; he’s known since he was young, and he’s been out to family and friends in his tight-knit Nashville community for years. In some respects, he says, coming out publicly is no big deal. “I’m very comfortable being gay,” he says later, in a quiet room at the office of his management company. “I find myself being guarded for not wanting to talk about something that I personally don’t have a problem with. That feels so strange.”

But his reservations are understandable, given that country music remains a bastion of mainstream conservatism in American arts and culture. If liberal Hollywood is notorious for pushing a progressive agenda, country has historically been its counterpoint—a safe haven for traditional “family values.” Never mind that many country artists, like Nashville as a city, lean blue: They know that their primary market, like the state of Tennessee itself, skews red. The country music business is lucrative, generating $5.5 billion to Nashville’s economy alone, according to RIAA; if artists speak out, they run the risk of alienating listeners, particularly in an era when even anodyne statements of support for a cause can be misconstrued. The tale of the Chicks, formerly the Dixie Chicks, who were exiled after criticizing the Iraq War, looms large over country music. Taylor Swift even cited the band’s ouster as a reason she remained publicly apolitical for so long: “You’re always one comment away from being done,” she told Variety in a 2020 interview.

With this news, T.J. becomes the only openly gay artist signed to a major country label—a historic moment for the genre. He’s had predecessors, of course: Other openly queer artists, from Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile to masked cowboy Orville Peck to viral hitmaker Lil Nas X, have found success by integrating country influences into their genre-defying music, and country artists including Chely Wright and Billy Gilman have passionate fanbases. But T.J. may be the first to come out with his feet so firmly planted in both the sound and machinery of mainstream country, in the full bloom of his career.

He is worried that coming out will look opportunistic, or attention-seeking. “People will ask, ‘Why does this even need to be talked about?’ and personally, I agree with that,” he says. “But for me to show up at an awards show with a man would be jaw-dropping to people. It wouldn’t be like, ‘Oh, cool!”

What happens next remains to be seen. “I don’t think I’m going to get run off the stage in Chicago,” he says. “But in a rural town playing a county fair? I’m curious how this will go.” The professional risks he’s taking in coming out feel worth it, both for his own happiness and because, well, it’s time. Country music is about storytelling, and that means T.J.’s identity is inextricable from his music. Maybe, T.J. says, country isn’t the most popular genre among gay people. “But is that just because they’ve never had the opportunity to relate to it?”

But being closeted was painful. “It was so lonely and isolating,” T.J. says. “It made me resent people.” A first heartbreak in his early twenties crushed him all the more because he felt like he couldn’t tell anyone. “I was mad that no one knew why I was hurting,” he says. He channeled that anguish into his music. One song he wrote about that relationship, called “21 Summer,” has become a fan favorite, and you can see why: It’s a big, nostalgic singalong with lyrics about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze. It’s still tender for him—not just heartbreak, but how alone he was going through it. “There are so many times I’ve sung that song and wanted to cry,” he says. “People love that song, but the emotion of it is deeper than they even realize.”

As Brothers Osborne’s career grew, they made gestures toward inclusion, starting with the video for single “Stay a Little Longer,” which featured gay and interracial couples. For the most part, the response was overwhelmingly positive. “And then,” T.J. says, “there were people who were like, ‘Faggot lovers!’” This kind of reaction was especially discouraging for T.J., even amid the affirmation he had received from his family and friends. But staying publicly closeted was suffocating too—not only for him, but for the guys he dated. “Saying, ‘Hey, don’t hold my hand. Someone I know is in here, so can you wait in the car?’” he says. “Rightfully, they would feel unwanted by me.”

The months spent in lockdown due to the pandemic forced some introspection, and he realized the perfect moment to come out would never arrive; he had to create it for himself. “I want to get to the height of my career being completely who I am,” he says, then stops. “I mean, I am who I am, but I’ve kept a part of me muted, and it’s been stifling.”

But there’s also a chance that T.J.’s openness will widen the field for new fans to feel welcome. “Others will now feel invited to the country music party for the first time,” says T.J.’s close friend Kacey Musgraves, the singer-songwriter whose progressive-minded storytelling has helped earn her a mainstream fanbase. “Country music deserves a future even more honest than its past.”

When Ellen DeGeneres came out on the cover of this magazine in 1997, it was shocking to many—both the act of coming out, and how visible she made herself with it. Now, the tides have turned toward quieter declarations of identity, particularly as young people embrace more fluid expressions of sexuality and gender. For high-profile people, a high-profile coming-out has mostly fallen out of favor; a public figure might be as likely now to mention their queerness offhandedly on social media as they are to make a formal announcement. It’s a way of both controlling the message, and also, maybe, of minimizing it.

Even amid calls for greater inclusion, the homogeneity of the top artists in the genre is still striking. “Any steps that have been taken have been purposefully kept small enough to not ruffle feathers at country radio,” says Musgraves.

So I ask T.J. a question, which is: What if there is nothing to move on from? What if being gay is a gift, and your gayness is not something to be tolerated but something to be celebrated, and even if untangling the shame and confusion of growing up gay in a straight world takes a long time, it’s worth doing so you can use your voice, not only to sing songs about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze but to say, clearly and unapologetically, that this is who you are? What if there are a lot of gay boys in small towns who haven’t figured it out yet and feel overwhelmed by snarky TV sidekicks and glittery pop stars bellowing self-empowerment anthems, and what if those gay boys in small towns got to have an avatar of their own—if they knew that someone like them was singing that song about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze on the radio? Isn’t that why we spend so much time talking about representation, because as much as it’s a burden, it’s also the only antidote to the loneliness of being different? And—not to tell him how to feel, which is, of course, exactly what I’m doing—but isn’t this occasion, of owning who he is in a place where some people might prefer he didn’t exist, something to embrace instead of something to endure?