#what if i want to add little scenes or characters?

[aninventoryofthepossible]

Solve a murder in No-Tell Motel. Just don't get it wrong.

My new single-player TTRPG, No-Tell Motel, is now for sale in my online shop!

What does it look like, you ask? It looks like this:

The premise: You're the overnight clerk at a shady by-the-hour motel. Last night, one of your regulars murdered another one, and no one - least of all the cops - seems interested in finding out who did it or why.

So it's down to you. Night after night, use a deck of cards in a Solitaire-like spread to track who checks in and out of your motel, who they get entangled with, and sift through gossip to find out how they know each other - and get that much closer to finding out who did the deed.

Just be careful. As the nights wear on doubt will creep in, and evidence will start to point in multiple directions. Make the best case you can, because if you get it wrong - and you very much can - disaster follows.

No-Tell Motel is a 32-page black & white zine featuring a gorgeous cover and character art for 16 motel guests all by artist Shawn McGuan. All you need to play is the book, a deck of Poker cards, a six-sided die, and (optionally) the Dossier and Ledger available for free at the itch page.

"But Ken," you ask. "Can I get any memorabilia swiped from the crime scene?"

"Of course you can, you weird little goblin," I answer. "Here's how."

You can get the following items a la carte, or get every dang thing in the Employee Bundle (pictured above) for $32 right here.

The "Dice Tray" is, of course, for rolling dice and nothing else. Whatever else you do with the "Dice Tray" is between you and your night shift manager. Tin "Dice trays" are 5.4" in diameter and available right here.

It has four grooves to hold things that aren't dice. I have no opinion about what you do with those.

The Room 7 Keychain is exactly what it sounds like: the keychain for the room where the murder happened. It's 3.75" long high-quality plastic with hot stamp foil imprint on both sides. If you attach this to your keys, just be prepared to have an alibi. I know a guy. You can get yours here.

Also, all orders will get a couple-few Stellar Motel matchbooks thrown in until I run out, which shouldn't be for awhile. (I have like 2,000 of these!)

Sorry that's a lot of sales talk - I just personally follow a rule that I only make merch of stuff that I, personally, want. I wanted these things for myself, and they frankly kind of rock, and add a lot to the sleazy, winking atmosphere of No-Tell Motel. Hope you like them too.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ok so like i get where ppl are coming from with the “the crew loves izzy” takes but also like. ok. i think that take involves a certain amount of reading very deeply into the text to a degree that is almost reading against the text at some points. it’s like when ppl pour all this energy into an underdeveloped and unportant side character—none of those layers ppl add to the character are strictly contradicted by the text, but it clearly wasn’t what the writer intended for anyone to really focus on. and yeah, death of the author, just bc the writers didn’t intend for ppl to think abt something that hard or care about it that much doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to do whatever the fuck we want. but bc i love analyzing the shit out of this show i do want to talk about WHY i think the textual support for this headcanon isn’t rlly there.

first of all. when archie is like “why are we trying so hard to save this guy, he’s kinda a dick” and jim’s like “yeah but he’s our dick.” rather than elaborate on what makes izzy special to them they’re like “it used to be that the crew all had each other’s backs no matter what and things were better back then” while reminiscing fondly about 1. olu and 2. that shot from season 1 where the whole crew is hanging out except for izzy who’s sulking in the background hating everyone. if this was supposed to be an “izzy’s a dick but we love him anyway” moment i would expect jim to talk about. yknow. izzy. instead to me ot comes across more like an “izzy’s a dick but crew is crew, we stick up for each other even if we don’t particularly like each other bc it’s us against the world” which isn’t as impactful from an izzy stanning perspective but i think makes for, like, an interesting allegory abt the queer community. we all gotta defend the rights of ppl in our community even if those specific ppl are dicks and we don’t get along with them.

second of all. after they save izzy’s life and get caught by ed they all leave the room and then a few minutes later a gun goes off. maybe someone saw ed leave the room before the shot was fired, but either way they think either ed just killed izzy or izzy just killed himself. and then they DO NOTHING ABOUT THIS. nobody checks on the body. they put all this effort into saving izzy’s life and then when their efforts are foiled they do not seem that bummed out about it. the next scene with any crew member in it is frenchie talking to ed on deck, and ed is like “go take the day off” and frenchie is like “oh nice!” and he’s like, confused and a little concerned about ed suddenly steering the ship rlly erratically, but he also seems pretty excited about getting some time off (after so many raids in a row i would be too lol). and THEN!!! in the next scene where we get the whole crew, they’re crowded in the hallway that leads out to the deck and the conversation they have isn’t “oh my god i can’t believe ed killed izzy after we cut off izzy’s leg” it’s “maybe ed’s better now? maybe killing izzy was all it took? he seems pretty cheerful for the first time in ages, maybe ed’s okay?” like literally they think ed just killed izzy and they are more worried about ed’s emotional state than they are grieving a beloved shipmate

then in 2.04 the crew B plot is so blatantly “the crew struggles to trust each other again but after seeing izzy be incredibly sad and pathetic they remember that a good crew has each other’s backs no matter what and so they extend izzy some unearned kindness and make him a new leg” that i’m amazed that other interpretations even exist. like literally they’re all drawn away from screaming at each other with weapons drawn by izzy making some dramatic announcement and then falling and then drunkenly crawling away and refusing their help rambling “youre born alone you die alone” over and over again or whatever melodramatic bullshit he said. like he’s muttering abt being miserable and alone and there’s a WHOLE ROOM OF PEOPLE!!! standing RIGHT THERE!!!! like “oh hey man do you need help standing up? no? no ur just gonna crawl away? um. ok.” and then they all go “well at least we’re not as fucked up as that guy. maybe we should do something nice for him?” like they are literally almost explicitly motivated by pity, not fondness. which yeah, it’s probably fucked up the way they use izzy’s new disability to sort of emphasize how pathetic he’s being, but i think the intention there is not that izzy’s pathetic bc he’s disabled, he’s pathetic bc he’s refusing to accept help. like the crew doesn’t go “yikes 😬 at least we don’t have his issues” abt izzy falling down when his makeshift prosthetic breaks, they go “yikes 😬” when he bats away their hands and goes on a weird mumbling tirade. definitely not the most sensitive way to depict izzy in this mental state, but that’s a different post probably. for the sake of THIS post tho: the takeaway i got from this scene is that the crew is remembering how to be there for each other again. it’s easier for them to let go of their paranoia and stop being so defensive and distrustful when izzy is there as an example of what happens when you’re TOO defensive and distrustful. “the crew makes a leg for izzy bc they care about him on a personal level” did not seem to be the focus of that story arc. to me.

in 2.05 we get our first ever instance of a character expressing appreciation for something izzy said or did or some trait he expressed (except for stede that time in 1.06 when izzy backed stede up on wanting to do a fuckery, which he only did specifically bc he wanted stede to fucking die and ed was taking too long), and it’s lucius saying he loves the shark izzy whittled. but during the entire episode leading up to that scene izzy is either in syede’s storyline where he’s not engaging with the crew or he’s getting snarked at by lucius, and not in a fun teasing way. like during that whole bit where izzy steals his cigarettes and calls him “twatty” lucius just looks so fucking annoyed and then uncomfortable. and then at the end of the episode izzy is sort of offering him advice and lucius is just sarcastically like “that sounds healthy.” and within this storyline, the point of these scenes isn’t rlly abt the developing and deepening relationship btwn izzy and lucius, it’s abt lucius individually coping w his trauma. izzy in this episode kinda exists in a weird place in the narrative, where he plays a supporting role in two different characters’ (lucius’s and stede’s) storylines without getting a central arc for himself. and both of those two storylines are only really about lucius and stede respectively, izzy is just there as this a static character who imparts wise advice. which is a very weird role for him to take, imo, but on top of that it doesn’t rlly contribute any sense of like, actual bonding btwn izzy and the other two.

and in 2.06 they just enjoy the show izzy puts on. they like listening to him sing. it’s all very cute! but also. i would not say that it shows the crew really cares about izzy?? i was in pit orchestra in high school and all the lead theater kids were always fucking assholes but they were also rlly good singers and it was fun to listen to them. i would mouth along to the words being sung by bitches who seemed to be trying to be sharpay evans irl for some bizarre fucking reason. like, cartoonishly mean girls. so like, the crew listening and dancing to izzy’s song doesn’t rlly sell “the crew loves izzy” to me. if anything, i would say that actually a stronger indicator of the crew loving izzy would be wee john sharing his makeup, and it’s a shame that we don’t get to see this happen. i mean that genuinely, i think that would’ve been a great moment to rlly strengthen izzy’s arc and it just. doesn’t exist on screen. and this isn’t like the finale where we know for a fact that they had to force a 40-minute episode into 30 minutes, Calypso’s Birthday has a runtime WELL under 30 minutes. it would’ve been SO easy to add another like 45 seconds of izzy and wee john getting ready together, but the only moment they show us is izzy walking in and discovering drag for the first time. it feels like the focus of this scene is less about a moment of connection between two characters and more about izzy individually having a gender breakthrough—and that carries on with the rest of the performance, too. bc it’s a performance, it’s everyone looking at izzy, it’s izzy a half step away from the crew as he puts on a show. the narrative framing of all this puts the focus entirely on izzy as a solo act, not on izzy as part of the crew. they like his performance, but we aren’t rlly shown evidence of the crew liking him as a person.

and that’s kinda it for izzy and the crew! up until he’s actively dying in ed’s arms and they’re all in the background silently weeping, at least (and btw, speaking from experience but uhhhh it’s pretty normal to cry when u watch someone die even if u have literally no connection to the person dying). even when they’re helping him back to the ship, ed is the one who notices he’s injured, nobody notices until he’s already giving izzy support. and i fully believe roach flips off izzy’s grave marker with fondness, but that’s also like. the only little personal moment any of them aside from ed has during the funeral. they do all laugh at his pinocchio joke earlier in the ep but idk if that one line can carry the entire weight of “the crew loves izzy” on its own. apparently there’s some shots during the zheng v stede fight where izzy can be seen in the background close to jim and archie??? but like, you can’t tell me a background shot of izzy standing near some crew members is strong textual support for the crew loving him. and i don’t think i need to argue abt any scenes in s1 bc literally every single crew member who was on that boat, ivan and fang included, was about to fucking drown him in the fucking ocean.

there is one single scene that gives actual strong evidence that anyone other than ed likes or cares about izzy. it’s the part at the end of impossible birds when fang is crying after ed shot izzy. so maybe fang specifically loves izzy, even tho izzy used to pull fang’s beard a lot and fang didn’t like it bc it hurt. idk.

here’s the thing tho. in 2.01 the writers use dialogue very effectively to tell us about the kraken era. the crew doesn’t say much, but what the do say tells us a lot: we know that archie thinks the kraken era is all normal pirating stuff, jim felt like the wedding raid (which seems like their only raid on a civilian ship and not a military one) was a step too far, frenchie is Not Okay but he’s doing a fantastic job repressing everything, izzy looks tired but the specific thing echoing in his head right before he starts crying in front of the crew is ed telling him “if you can’t do the job, someone else will.”

and we know fang, who’s known ed for decades, has never seen ed like this. and the specific thing he mentions as something he’s never seen from ed before is not batting an eye when ivan died. meaning that even before meeting stede, fang would’ve expected ed to have some sort of reaction to ivan dying.

and the thing about ivan is that we know next to nothing about him. he has very little dialogue in season one. we don’t even know how long he’s been working with ed—long enough to have at least heard about fang having to put his dog down bc “the love of a pet makes a man weak” when fang joined ed’s ship years ago, even if ivan wasn’t actually there yet at the time—but we do know that watching ed tell ghost stories was apparently the most open and available he’d ever seen ed get. so it doesn’t sound like ivan and ed were especially close. ivan was almost certainly less close to ed than izzy was.

if fang expected to see ed have some sort of reaction to the death of an ordinary crew member (who mightve been working for ed for decades, might’ve been working for him for months, we really can’t say) who wasn’t even that close to ed, seeing ed casually and unflinchingly inflict a life-threatening gunshot to his first mate must’ve been fucking earth-shattering. and interpretation is also supported by what fang actually says while he’s crying at the end of 2.01—it’s not “i can’t stop crying, izzy’s hurt” or “i can’t stop crying, izzy’s going to die.” its “i can’t stop crying, ed shot izzy.” more than the imminent demise of a crew member, fang is shaking and sobbing and traumatized because he can’t believe ed would do that.

and if that feels like a reach, just remember what happens after the leg is cut off, after the crew most likely believes ed shot izzy again, this time 100% fatally: the whole crew is crowded in the hallway, and fang asks “do we think he’s… better?”

fang is not sad about izzy. or if he is, it’s dwarfed by how much more sad fang is about ed.

in conclusion: have fun with ur headcanons i am not the boss of you but also there is less canonical textual evidence of the crew loving izzy than some of y’all seem to think k byeeeee

[class1akids]

There are some things I wish Horikoshi didn’t add to the manga, but one of them is Touya trying to attack baby Shouto as a child 😭 I know it was to show how far Enji pushed Touya, but the way it invoked so many people just downright labelling Touya as evil from the beginning or insane from the start is frustrating! Especially when your trying to explain how he was a child lashing out unhealthily sure, because of his father’s actions(or maybe lack of actions), but they want to say “that child was clearly wrong in the head from the beginning”! Touya to me also shows that people are not willing to sympathise/empathise with a victim that would be classed as a “bad victim”, to the point that they’ll even downplay/compare or even defend or deny the abuse!

I wouldn't change a single thing about Touya. He's such a perfect villain for the Todoroki plot - with very nuanced writing. I love how the his "flaws" and "strength" reflect closely his father's character, how the closest Enji came to love was with Touya, how their relationship got sacrificed to Enji's egoistic quest for strength and power and how as a villain Dabi has become the grotesque caricature everything Endeavor wanted. He's the perfect vengeful spirit to come back and make sure that the past never dies.

At the same time, Touya is also a very lovable little boy with great characterization - much more vivid than any other child character in the manga. I love how he's also a perfect shadow for Shouto - a possible future self who was swallowed by the justified resentment and trauma. So their dynamic is a very different one - one of empathy and trying to save that shadow, while Touya provides also a mirror to a part of his legacy he's been running away from (the drive, ambition, perseverance that Touya and Enji share, but Shouto shies away from).

I think the main point of Touya's breakdown scene other than to show how desparate and out-of-control Touya was becoming from the mental torture of being ignored and replaced was to show how cruel and stupid Endeavor's reaction was to what should have been a wake-up call. Instead of helping his child, his solution was to ignore Touya harder.

Any normal parent would have taken a hard look at their own parenting, see that the breakdown was small child's cry for help and change course. Instead of that, Endeavor doubled down, spent more time away from home, banished his "failures" into another part of the house and ignored them even harder.

And yeah, there are moronic takes about Touya, but I think he is a very fascinating character. Yes, a "bad victim", but someone with agency who drives forward his story and narrative. I think what Horikoshi presented with him is a much more unique character than having a "good old brother killed by Endeavor" kind of character that people anticipated.

[clotpolesonly]

Declan's hair in tvTRC; a dissection

ok i'm sure you guys have been waiting with bated breath for me to weigh in on this particular subject (lol) but i needed a hot minute to collect my thoughts on the matter. turns out i've got quite a few, go figure.

first things first: i am contractually obligated to say it's a goddamn travesty of a departure from canon to make Declan fucking BLOND and why the FUCK did they do that??? i was screaming in dms the second he showed up on screen, my sister can attest to how far i threw my phone across the couch in my outrage. i mean, honestly who suggested that?? turn on ur location i just wanna talk

-deep breath-

okay got that out of my system

so we all knew immediately that it was stupid as shit and entirely unnecessary...............but i've got a confession to make

i don't hate it

at least, not anymore. i'm actually kinda fascinated by what they've done here and what it adds to Declan's character/what it says about him psychologically. especially because he doesn't stay blond -- his hair is only like that for a little under half of the first season, though it's unclear how long he's had it like that before (tv)canon starts.

what the show has done here is given Declan a relationship with his hair that's not entirely dissimilar to the one that Ronan has. it's never said explicitly i don't think, in either the books or the show, that Ronan shaved his hair off because 1) he looks too much like his dad with it long and 2) it's something that he can control, but it very much comes through anyway, and the same applies to Declan here.

both boys -- all three boys, actually, but Ronan and Declan especially, more than Matthew -- are made in Niall's image. they resemble him very strongly. they look in the mirror and, for better or for worse, they see their father, and that's something that becomes really fucked up and complicated when your father is murdered, and when you hate him, and when you're afraid of becoming him, and when you miss him.

Ronan dealt with it one way (shaving it all off, making himself unique) and Declan here dealt with it another way (distancing himself from his father, yes, but also doing it in a way that made him more similar to Matthew). (and to his mother, which is a point i'll come back to later; you know the scene i'm talking about.)

Declan is a control freak of epic proportions, we all know this, and seeing it manifest in changes to his hair is not remarkable i don't think, esp in conjunction with how meticulously he manages his wardrobe. everything in his life feels outside of his control, so he grasps at what he can to feel secure. that's textbook.

then he fights with Ronan. most of the scene plays out more or less as it does in the book, but i want to draw your attention this bit of dialogue --

Gansey: "Why are you even here?" Declan: "I don't need to explain myself to you, I can go wherever I like. Free country and all." Ronan: "Then you're free to go somewhere else." Gansey: "Ronan... Declan, just go." Declan: "He's failing almost all his classes. What, Ronan, did you think I didn't know? Your teachers call me every time you skip class, dumbass, you keep going like this and you're going to -- " [Ronan tries to punch him again, Gansey intervenes] Gansey: "That's enough, both of you! Look, Declan, I'm not saying you're wrong, but you are not Niall Lynch, and you never will be." Ronan: [scoffs] "Not looking like that. You and your bimbo girlfriend get a 2-for-1 special at the salon?" Gansey: "Ronan, knock it off." Declan: "Believe it or not, I'm trying to help you." Ronan: "Well, I don't. And I'll never forgive you."

the salon comment is a petty side swipe that made me snortlaugh ngl, but it's also a direct acknowledgement from Ronan that what Declan is doing with his hair is Declan, in his own way, trying to distance himself from Niall while simultaneously trying (and failing) to fill his shoes. he's shining a spotlight on Declan's biggest source of internal conflict in a way that's both casually cruel (Ronan's specialty tbh) and humiliatingly dismissive. what an effective jab at someone like Declan who is, underneath his deliberately unremarkable exterior, every bit as proud as Ronan is. he's trying to be Niall and he's failing so badly even Gansey's begging him to stop, and he's trying to be Not Niall and he's so obvious about it as to be pathetic and laughable.

it's notable that the blond doesn't stay much longer. we only see it once more -- delivering his ultimatum to Ronan through Adam as he gatekeeps Declan at monmouth, a confrontation i must note is between a natural blond (Adam) and a fake one (Declan), and no words are exchanged about it but we do get a rather pointed look at the hair from Adam right before he delivers his line about fighting and it being "Ronan's thing" that makes Declan back off -- before we get to the biggest departure from Declan's canon arc and what i really want to talk about:

✨ the dorm room dye job ✨

this is, honestly, my favorite non-book-canon scene in this adaptation so far. that probably does not surprise anyone, because i am me, but hear me out!!!

let's run through what we actually get in this scene:

- Matthew asking Declan what he, Matthew, is doing in the morning, and Declan rattling off Matthew's entire schedule for the week, all while nagging him through his bedtime routine - Declan texting Ronan repeatedly and getting left on read - Declan trying and failing to sleep (intercut with Ronan and Gansey sharing insomnia time), growing more restless and texting Ronan some more until Ronan blocks his number and the texts stop being delivered - Declan going to their suite's bathroom to dig out a cheap dusty box of hair dye from the back of the cabinet and rushing through the process of mixing and applying it while Matthew sleeps - Declan staring at himself in the mirror and then smearing dye across his reflection

obviously, exactly none of this is book canon, and i don't not understand why some fans are crying foul on screentime they consider "wasted". should priority have been given to book canon elements and scenes? yeah, probably, and there are things that didn't make it into the show that i would've been glad to sacrifice this scene for, HOWEVER i want to talk about why this scene, as presented, within this slightly alternate show canon, is worth its screen time imo.

the show is really making an effort toward expanding the characters and relationships outside the insular gangsey -- the fox way ladies and the Gansey family have both gotten subplots, and much more attention is being paid to the Lynch bros than we got canonically this early in TRC.

without being inside the POVs of Ronan's friends like we are in the books, it makes sense that we get to see Declan more objectively for the overburdened teenager that he is. we get to actually SEE him being relied upon to manage and parent Matthew, day and night, no breaks. sharing even a bedroom with him, there is no reprieve and no retreat from that responsibility.

and we see him trying to manage Ronan too, which is overbearing and aggressive, yes, but we also see his preoccupation and his mounting anxiety. the little tics like him tapping his thumb against his thigh and the breathing technique he employees (the same one that Ronan uses in ep 2). unlike when they were brawling in the parking lot, Declan defends Ronan to Matthew ("he probably just lost his phone again" despite all of his messages being read). (this is a characterization tidbit described in Greywaren actually, in case any viewers haven't read TD3, that Declan was always far more understanding of Ronan and his behavior to Matthew than he was in confrontations with Ronan himself).

i digress, anyway, Declan tries repeatedly to get through to Ronan until the messages stop being delivered and Declan (correctly) assumes that Ronan has blocked his number (again).

all that nervous energy boils over and Declan beelines for the bathroom. he obviously knows that the box of dye is in there, he goes right for it. it's ambiguous how long it's been there -- either it was there before they moved into this room, in which case it may have been what inspired Declan to bleach his hair in the first place, or he may have bought it himself months ago and decided not to use it (probably because it's cheap and he usually has higher standards than that lol, he'd rather get it done professionally).

but this is not a moment for standards. this is an impulse. it's rushed and clumsy and jittery. he tears the box getting it open. he fumbles the little conditioner thing. he tosses the instructions aside with barely a glance. his phone is right there on the kitchen counter, always in the frame but face down, conspicuous in just how much Ronan is not texting him back.

this is, as mentioned up top, a bid for control. Ronan is uncontrollable, a variable he cannot account for and a loved one he cannot protect, and so Declan does what a lot of teenagers in fucked up circumstances do -- fucks with his hair before he can think better of it.

the only thing that slows him down is dropping the bottle, which almost wakes Matthew up. Matthew, right over Declan's shoulder in the mirror. Matthew, always in the frame just like the silent phone, always on Declan's mind, never allowed to more than an arm's length away.

Matthew is in the background of this entire scene. every shot of Declan's breakdown, Matthew is there, if indistinctly.

and there's something else about the cinematography that really elevates this scene, and that's the fact that, once Declan enters the bathroom, the entire thing is shot through the mirror. we don't get another shot of Declan straight on to the camera in this episode, we only see his face in reflection. we are seeing Declan seeing himself, which is perhaps the truest way to view him, especially in this moment.

remember that this was catalyzed primarily by Ronan's judgment (and Adam's, and Gansey's). Ronan ridiculed Declan for his hair a few episodes ago, not just for its own sake because it looks ridiculous but specifically in conjunction with talk of their father and Declan's inability to fill his shoes. Ronan essentially called Declan a failure and a phony, and the hair now symbolizes both.

Declan is so so conscious of how he is perceived, constantly thinking of himself within the context of how others think of him rather than engaging in actual self-knowledge. he is his own panopticon and this scene showcases that EXCELLENTLY.

which makes this messy breakdown so interesting, because it is unobserved by anyone but himself and, in the end, he obscures even that. he blacks his hair with bare hands (buddy, that's gonna stain so noticeably afkdjh) and then stands there, staring into the mirror at his own reflection -- at his own failure to perform the identity he's chosen for himself -- until he can't bear to see it anymore, and then he smears the dye along the mirror to block it all out. all that messiness, that vulnerability, hidden even from his own eyes.

and of course i need to touch on the identity of it all. of course i do!! because hair color means something in the Lynch family!! the resemblance the older boys have for Niall is so integral to the family dynamic and how they all relate to and interact with each other. the boys have daddy issues out the wazoo, and you would too if you were Made In Your Father's Image.

for Ronan, looking like dad was a source of pride for a long time, and is now a source of pain. but for Declan, looking like dad is equal parts pain and shame. everything Declan is, so much of his facade, was deliberately constructed to be different from his father -- Niall was reckless, so Declan is careful. Niall was loud, so Declan is staid. Niall was volatile, so Declan is predictable. Niall was eye-catching, so Declan is invisible.

and now, Niall was a brunet, so Declan is blond. it's another step along the road of rebellion against the legacy he inherited. Niall claims god broke the mold, but Declan knows just how similar they are, both physically and in their natural inclinations (though we haven't gotten into the latter much yet in the show). his father is not a man he respected and he is deeply afraid of being too much like him.

Declan bleaching his hair was a reaction to that, and it was a reasonable one, but it was also fundamentally, in both Declan's eyes and Ronan's, a disavowal of his connection to and place in the family. in rejecting his resemblance to dad (and therefore Ronan), Declan functionally declared himself Not A Lynch.

which makes this, dying his hair dark again, a bit of a reclamation? in a way? or, no. that would feel triumphant, and this scene has the definite air of tragedy.

maybe i should say it's a concession instead. the waving of a white flag. it's an admission that trying to disavow his family is a losing game. he cannot cover up what he is. no amount of bleach can wash away his father's blood in his veins. he will never be Niall Lynch, but he will always be Niall Lynch's son, for better or for worse, and there's no point in trying to pretend otherwise.

this scene is Declan giving up on his last desperate bid for an identity separate from the legacy he inherited. there's irony there, and honestly i find it very in keeping with what we get from him in some of the flashback details in TD3. i wrote a meta a while ago about the moth's wooden box and the alexandria townhouse both as symbols of Declan's complicity in his own oppression as a child -- ie, cages that Declan chose to step into of his own volition, because feeling powerless is worse than feeling trapped.

in this context, dying his hair dark again feels very similar. he's feeling powerless and so he makes the choice to figuratively reclaim his position in the family, even if that position is and has always been awful and traumatizing and something he's spent his entire life trying to break free from, because the alternative is to acknowledge that there is nothing that he can do to free himself. he would rather be complicit than helpless.

there may or may not be something to unpack with Declan choosing blond, especially that shade rather than something that would've been more aesthetically fitting for him like a cooler platinum shade. namely that, in distancing himself from his resemblance to Niall, he actually strengthened his resemblance to Matthew and also to Aurora. he could've dyed his hair some middling shade of brown and honestly it would've been far more in line with his desire to be bland and pedestrian, but he chose a hair color that aligned with the other half of his family (the dreamt half of his family).

was it some subconscious desire to replace their mother for Matthew's sake? Matthew was Aurora's favorite, he was the closest to her and undoubtedly the one who took her loss the hardest in the immediate aftermath, and we know that Declan took up the kinds of duties that used to be Aurora's like cooking Matthew good meals and being his emotional support (as best he could).

the fact of Declan taking on Aurora's most defining feature in the aftermath of her falling asleep (to him, functionally, her death) and his staunch refusal recognize her humanity (such as it is) or to engage with her memory is really haunting, imo. honestly, Aurora and his relationship with her is such an underrated factor in Declan's psychology, she had such an enormous impact on him that's rarely discussed in the detail it deserves. here it's like his feelings about her are leaking out of him subconsciously even as he's trying his damnedest to repress them.

or, hell, idk, that might be reading too much into it. it may just have been that blond was as far from his natural color as he could get.

but honestly it doesn't feel coincidental. nothing in this arc does, which surprised the hell out of me as i was watching. "Declan is blond now actually" is the kind of cracky nonsense that should've had me flipping tables, but it turns out, when it's a concept that's actually executed with thought and attention to detail and a real understanding of the character, blond!Declan is something that can actually be so personal.

so

thank you for coming on this journey with me. if you read this far, your brainrot is probably nearly as strong as mine is for writing it. i might write another one later digging into some more of the details from the back half of season 1, but for now, i need to go outside and touch some grass or something. stay tuned i guess. <3

[sarcasticscribbles]

Besides your most recent drawing of Melanie King being based on Joan of Arc (Absolutely lovely [in the old British man TikTok voice] did you have any other inspiration for the drawing? [It reminded me of your The fool Archivist Commission]).

General female knight imagery, I knew I wanted the weapon to cover her eye, which is a common sword pose

I also tried to mimic the armour look with British punk fashion, broader shoulder and a bulky fit

A leather jacked was a great juxtaposition between the styles

This hand:

is a blessing hand, something saints and prophets are depicted with. Also we got the halo but with swords (St. Catherin, Joan of Arc's sword, which is also around her neck/ a patch on her jacket/ slaughter reference)

And I'm not the one to add buttons to characters to show her identity; however, Melanie is punk, and custom in that scene, so I added lesbian flag, what the ghost pin and Joan of Arc from Clone High (I ran out of Joan of Arc references)

I agree it looks a little like a card with the white frame and name, but I was going for this mediaeval Saint style with the layout!

thanks for asking a lot goes into it, and it's really fun finding Easter eggs to add

[darkcloudsatnight]

So, I have been watching Emesis Blue three times now, and I had just noticed that during that one scene when the detective (Spy) and Jane (Soldier) were searching (I think) Scout's mothers apartment, you can hear the chief of police ask if they're actually real detectives. Now, the names that Spy used for them were "Detective Mannix" and "Lieutenant Columbo". I randomly decided to search these names up on my computer and guess what I found

They were actual detective shows that were made in the 60s when Emesis Blue takes place

Now, another thing I want to add is the descriptions of these shows

Columbo

""Columbo" isn't the typical detective whodunit TV show. On most detective shows, viewers don't know who committed the crime until the detective pieces the clues together and figures it out. On this show, however, viewers see the crime unfold at the beginning of most episodes, including who the perpetrator is. The mystery and fun for viewers is trying to spot the clues that will lead Lt. Columbo (Peter Falk) to discover the culprit and watching the tricks he uses to get a confession. Episodes of "Columbo" were movie-length and ran sporadically on multiple networks during its run."

Mannix

"Joe Mannix is a Los Angeles-based detective who ends up taking a lot of punishment. When the show starts, he works for a large L.A. detective agency, Intertect. But beginning in season two, he sets out on his own and becomes a private investigator, assisted by loyal secretary Peggy Fair, the widow of a police officer. In the course of solving crimes, he can be expected to be shot, beaten, knocked unconscious, driven off the road or similarly injured. But despite all the bodily trauma, Mannix always gets his man."

Now, I'd like you to read those descriptions if you haven't already and compare them to the characters those false names were given to.

If you don't want to read, I'll just tell you what I think.

When it comes to Lieutenant Columbo being compared to Jane, or Soldier, we need to bring up what actually happens in the show. During the episodes, the audience already knows who did the crime and how it happened, because it is revealed in the beginning. Comparing that to Soldier in Emesis Blue, the audience doesn't exactly know what is happening when we first see Soldier, but while also seeing Medic's story tie in with his, then the audience will know that Medic is just as confused as Soldier is and that Medic isn't the current villain at large. (Unless he is and it was actually him who murdered Scout's mother and then kidnapped Scout, to which I think most people assumed after seeing the big bloody M on the wall once Medic found out what had happened to Scout's mother, which does rlly help with the "its all revealed in the beginning thing".)

I'd also like to bring up that Columbo (according to Wikipedia) means, "someone who expresses the obvious while not being aware of its obviousness". It remeinded me of when Soldier overheard that phone call that Jules Archibald had with Blutarch, and then how after he hung up, immediately called Redmond about a "proposition". Now, it was obvious that Jules was only in it for the money, but the fact that it didn't seem like Soldier was at all shocked by that fact just makes me compare it to it being obvious how bad Jules was, and how it was Soldier who found out about it, but how it seemed like he didn't get it.

Now, when it comes to Mannix, it was said that at first, the detective was working for a company and, quote "took a lot of punishment" and in this case comparing him to Spy, Spy was working under Jules Archibald, who taught him how to kill his own teammates without guilt, and he ended up getting burned beyond recognition (rip bozo). In the second season of the show, the detective gets an assistant, who is the a widow of a police officer (for Spy, this would be Soldier, being a past war veteran) and going off on his own without the company. Now, the timelines are a little off here, but, when Spy killed Archibald, I would say it was almost like the equivalent of Detective Mannix going off on his own. At that point, Spy has already abandoned any hope in Soldier (as if he had any) but still had the tolerance not to kill him when he had his chance, still "working" with him in the end during Archibalds funeral (that got intruded by Medic, rip Spy, no one will miss u)

Now, I don't want to make assumptions, but I have a feeling that Detective Mannix did have something like a separation from his assistant just as these two did, just not as violent or horrifying or mentally damaging (if not, someone please correct me).

If any of y'all have anything else to add or if you would like to correct me or anything else like that, PLEASE DO BC I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABT AND THIS WAS JUST A RANDOM RANT THAT I THOUGHT ABOUT WHEN FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS AND WATCHING THE MOVIE.

(I put wayyyy too much effort into this HELP)

(Just know that I haven't watched any of the shows and this is all just based off the descriptions of them, but I would like to watch some episodes of them to see if anything that happens in the show is similar to Emesis Blue.)

[nottapossum]

Millie knows better chapter 1:

Classification AU: Part 3 of itty bitty imps. Plz consider reading the other two first. {Summery of FKB is inside.}

Millie and Moxxie struggle to adjust to their new life as they try and help Moxxie heal from everything he's been through.

Blitzø wants to help Millie, but he's not sure how.

Loona feels bad about how she's treated Moxxie and tries to make things right, but he's not having it.

🐾SFW interaction only this is age regression🩵

Notes:

Possum note: ⚠️Important note! PLEASE READ! ⚠️

This work is an Age regression

/Classification fic. So there will be things such as Diapers and their usage, pacifiers, cribs, bottles, exc.

But there will also be cursing and talking about sex when characters are out of headspace, and it also mentions some trauma. (Any future trigger warnings will be added to chapter notes if needed.)

Anxiety, depression, PTSD, talks of SH and S*!cide. (This one is the tamer Moxxie fic...?) I will have warning emojis that will be explained in chapter notes so you can skip those scenes if needed.

But! Don't worry! There will also be lots of fluff hurt/comfort, and cuteness...and Bluey!

Age regression is not sexual, it’s a coping mechanism.

If it's not something you want to read...

Or you don't believe it's sfw

Don't. Read. It.

😀 it's okay. You don't have to.

There are so many other books here. 📚! The pasta bilities are endless!

Okay! Now!

💚READ DIS TOO!💚

Here's what happened in Father Knows Best:

-Crimson kidnapped Moxxie

-We learn that Crimson took Moxxie to a hypnotist to separate his little/big self. Moxxie can only regress when someone uses the code word: "Quiet time." And snap out of it when someone tells him to "Wake up."

-Millie met some of Moxxie's family, specifically his cousins named Trixx (they/them) and Roxxie (She/Her).

-Moxxie finds out his father is trafficking littles illegally to people who can't have littles to make a profit.

-Crimson reveals that him and Alessio are in a relationship and they wanted Moxxie to complete their family.

-Moxxie loves his father despite how much he hates him.

-Moxxie stole the list of littles so he could maybe save them.

-Blitzø started a fire and burned down Crimson's mansion.

-A bunch of sharks died...but Crimson didn't. Even though Moxxie thinks he did.

-Stolas helps them find Moxxie and they save them.

-Blitzø and Millie find out about Moxxie's regression.

-Moxxie and Sallie May open up to each other and it turns out she also regresses.

-Moxxie and Millie make up, and he opens up a bit

-Moxxie needs anxiety medication, and he also has to see a therapist. Doctors' orders.

Hopefully, I didn't miss anything major...if something else is important, I'll add it to another chapter note.

Ty for reading. Heres the chapter:

⚠️TW for this chapter: Therapy, Crimson, Abuse, implied abuse, emotional abuse, hiding one's true feelings, negative feelings on age regression, bad feelings, negative self talk.

(Emojis will indicate where the more severe triggers are. In every POV change, if there's an emoji, it's a trigger)

For this chapter:

📝Therapy

🟩Crimson

🌊Drowning

♡♡♡♡♡♡

'I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly

I've been so good, why am I feeling empty?

I've been so good, I've been so good this year

I've been so good, but it's still getting harder

I've been so good, where the hell is the karma?

I've been so good, I've been so good this year

Why, are you asking me why?

My days and nights are filled with disappointment

Fine, oh no, everything's fine

I'm not sure why I booked today's appointment.' ~Karma

Song by AJR.

~~~Moxxie 🟩 🌊~~~

Moxxie shifts awake, seeing the green walls surrounding him.

…he knew it. It was all a dream.

Blitzø and Millie never rescued him…

He never escaped his father…

But…they were still alive.

Alessio…

Crimson…

Did he want them alive?

He shouldn't, right?

“Moxxie?”

He gets up out of bed and he's suddenly downstairs. “Dad?”

Crimson isn't anywhere to be seen…he only hears him: “You turned your back on your family…”

“What?”

“You think you get to walk away from this family and never come back?”

Moxxie shakes his head. “No- I- please, Sir, I-”

He takes a step forward into a puddle…

A…

The room…

It was flooding!

Filling up with water.

“Sir?” Moxxie asks, backing up but it doesn't do anything. “Dad?”

“You should have listened…”

The water in the room rises more, reaching Moxxie's neck. “No- please, wait!”

“This is what happens… Moxxie.”

“Please, sir!”

“This is what happens when you cross me.”

The water rises more, and Moxxie tries to hold his breath…

But he can't.

He's drowning.

He's going to die!

He'll never see Millie again.

He-

“Quiet time.”

~~~~~

Moxxie gasps for air as he sits up quickly….

He looks around…

He's home! Thank Satan.

He turns next to him at his Millie who's sleeping peacefully.

He smiles and runs his fingers through her hair.

He’s okay…

His father is dead.

He can't hurt him anymore.

It's okay.

He was going to be just fine…

He was.

Wasn't he?

~~~Moxxie, the next morning.~~~

He couldn't get back to sleep, so he decided he might as well get up.

He cleaned the house as quietly as possible,he read for a bit and then made some breakfast for himself and Millie.

Suddenly he hears Millie walk into the kitchen “Good morning, sweetie.”

“Morning.” Moxxie says, flipping the pancakes in front of him.

“You already started breakfast?’ Millie asks him.

“Uh, yeah. I got up a bit earlier today.” He says, looking only at the stove.

“Moxxie…what time did you get up?” She asks.

Moxxie shrugs. “Just…early.”

Millie tilts her head to look at his face, noticing the bags under his eyes. “You had another nightmare last night, didn't you?” She asks.

Moxxie doesn't answer.

“Mox?” Millie pulls him away from the stove to look him in the eye.

“It's going to burn.” Moxxie complains.

“It's fine.” She says. “Just answer my question, please?”

Moxxie sighs. “Yes, I had another nightmare. But it's not a big deal.” He says. “It's just one of those things….you know?”

Millie nods. “Okay.” She lets him go and leaves to grab her phone.

Moxxie sighs. “Millie, what are you doing?”

“I'm calling your therapist.” She says.

“That's not necessary.” He says. “The doctors aren't forcing me to go anymore.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Millie asks.

“Leave it be?” He suggests. “I have nightmares. It's not a big deal. Everyone gets them sometimes.”

“Not everyone has nightmares so severe that they can't sleep every night.” Millie says. “It's been a few weeks, clearly there's something more to it.” She says.

“Not necessarily.” He mumbles.

Millie makes the call. “Hello I'd like to schedule an appointment for my husband…Moxxie Knolasname.”

“Millie-”

She holds up a finger. “Yeah, 8:00 is perfect. Thank you.”

She hangs up the phone. “Okay, got you booked for tomorrow.”

“I don't need another session!” Moxxie says. “I'm fine!”

“If you're still having nightmares, you do.” She says. “It's okay to ask for help, Mox.”

Moxxie sighs. She doesn't get it. “I had nightmares when I lived with Blitzø, it's not a big deal.”

“Just because you got over it the first time does not mean it's okay now.” She says. “Di- Did you have nightmares while you were…with your dad?” She asks, hesitantly.

Moxxie shrugs. “When I was asleep, I was regressed. So if I did, I wouldn't remember anyway.”

Millie nods.

“Millie, she won't help, she'll just ask me the same dumb questions and then suggest I keep doing what I'm already doing.” He complains.

“You don't know that.” Millie says.

“...yeah, I kinda do.” He says.

“Well, do you have any other ideas?” She asks.

Moxxie shrugs. “I guess not.”

“Then you're going.” Millie tells him.

He didn't bother continuing to argue.

~~~Moxxie: Therapy: 📝~~~~

“Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?”

“Yes.”

“Both your anxiety medication antidepressants?”

Moxxie nods. “Yes.”

“Any negative side effects?” She asks.

“I don't know…”

“Have you been trying those exercises we talked about?” She asks.

“Yes, every day.” He answers.

“And it hasn't helped with the nightmares at all?” She asks him.

Moxxie shakes his head. “No.”

“You're still getting them? Every night?” She asks.

“Only when I sleep.” He mumbles.

She hums. “Strange.”

“I told you, I have nightmares after I see my father. It's normal. It just takes a few months to get them to stop.”

“That's not…normal, hun.” She says.

“Well, he's dead now…so once they stop I'll be fine.” He says.

She tilts her head. “How do you feel about your father's death?”

Moxxie looks at her. “I don't know…I'm glad I won't have to deal with him anymore.” He says.

She nods. “I'm sensing some sadness. It's okay to be upset, you know? He was your father after all.” She says.

“I'm not upset.” He lies. “I mean- I didn't want him to die…but he deserved it. And I am glad I won't have to worry.”

That was at least honest.

She nods. “Okay. And how about your little self? Does he miss his father?”

Moxxie's eyes widened. “I- uhm.”

She patiently waits. “Well?”

“I don't know…my little self doesn't know.” Moxxie says.

“How can he not know?” She asks.

“There's a barrier.” He explains. “I don't remember anything from when I'm small, and he doesn't remember anything when I'm big.”

She hums. “You know what? Maybe you should get yourself reclassified.” She suggests. “You can get a therapist that specializes in little ones, I know this one girl named Hellen, she's so nice, I think she could really help. She could truly understand your situation.”

Moxxie leans back in the chair. Little ones? Could she possibly be more degrading?

“A little therapist would have a better understanding of your situation.” She says.

“I doubt that very much.” Moxxie says. “All they'll do is tell me to regress.”

“Well…maybe you should regress then.” She suggests.

“I can't.” Moxxie says.

“Why not?” She asks.

“Because it would ruin everything I've worked so hard for! If I regress, all the problems regarding my little self will come back, it's better if it's locked away.”

“You've built a wall.” She says. “Or more so, your father did. But in order to get better…you need to break that wall. Let people in, let all that pent up anger and sadness out.”

“I have no anger.” Moxxie insists. “I'm fine.”

“If that were true, you wouldn't keep dreaming about him.” She says. “You wouldn't be here.”

Moxxie tried to think of something to say…

“Our time is up.” She says. “I'm not sure there's much else I can do for you, Moxxie. Without ripping off the bandaid and tending to what's underneath…how are you ever expected to heal?” She asks him.

So…He'll never heal.

Was that really so bad?

Moxxie walked out and into the waiting room where Millie was, smiling sympathetically.

He immediately hugs her. “Hey.”

“Hey, how did it go?” She asks.

Moxxie looks down, fidgeting a little with her hand. “She wants me to see a different therapist.”

“What? But I thought you said she was nice.”

“She was…she wants me to get reclassified so I can see a therapist who specializes with littles.” He explains. “So, I guess she's not going to help anymore.”

Millie hums.

“What?” Moxxie asks.

“I mean, maybe that's not the worst idea?” Millie suggests. “You are a little, so a little therapist might be what you need.”

Moxxie sighs.

“Mox, listen, please? I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do but…would you at least consider it? I mean, if it helps other people to regress, it may help you.”

Moxxie was about to say something else but he stopped himself.

“I just…I don't know what else to do.” she says. “I want to help you, be the best partner I can be…but I don't know how. Letting you suffer isn't good enough for me, and nothing else seems to be working so…will you please just give someone the chance to help you?”

Moxxie interrupts. “I'll think about it…but I promise nothing.” He says.

Millie nods. “Alright.” She takes his hand. “Let's go home.”

♡♡♡

'Cause I've been so good, I've been working my ass off

I've been so good, still, I'm lonely and stressed out

I've been so good, I've been so good this year

And I've been so good, but it's still getting harder

I've been so good, where the hell is the karma?

I've been so good, I've been so good this year.

Time, I know we're out of time

But what if sad thoughts come and I can't stop it

Bye, I don't wanna say bye

If only I could keep you in my pocket

To give me some diagnosis of why I'm so hollow

Please give me instructions, I promise I'll follow

I tripped on my ankle and fractured my elbow

But doesn't that mean that the tour's gonna sell though?

I try to explain the good faith that's been wasted

But after an hour it sounds like complaining

Wait don't go away, can I lie here forever?

You say that I'm better, why don't I feel better?

The universe works in mysterious ways

But I'm starting to think it ain't working for me

Doctor, should I be good?

Should I be good this year?'

~Karma

Song by AJR.

♡♡♡♡

Possum note: Hope you guys liked this chapter!

I had to get this out fast. My draft on A03 would have been deleted in an hour.

Personally, I hate writing about therapy :)

It's kinda a trigger for me lol

Oh why must I torture myself so?

I can write about Crimson torturing Moxxie, and fires and harmful self thoughts but sure Therapy is where I cross the line.

Welp. Now I'm gonna need a distraction.

I'm gonna write some fluff now 😌 excuse me...

@todayimfour @trophyxtissues2 @abby5577 @ask-dusty-boy @im-not-paying-my-taxes @stormy-is-hyperfixated @attagirljessy @legeufygeuber100 @thatswhat24 @hinata-chan-utaitelover @nostalgic-doodles

[thed0ct0risc0ming]

Thinking about the hockey au...

Wally trying to get better and better, spending all his time at the downtown skating rink trying in vain to improve (he's already the best, he tells himself... Barnaby is just slightly better).

Barnaby wondering why his best friend is pulling away, no longer spending time with the team (Did Barnaby do something? He doesn't know, and the thought hurts more than he's willing to admit.. Wally is his best friend, after all).

Just... thinking about the hockey au

[m-o-o-n-f-i-r-e]

help i’ve fallen for another ship comprised of two insane autistic queers that want each other dead despite also being willing to do literally anything for the other even at risk to themselves

[karamazovanon]

a collection of the live action raskolnikov from this post :D i thought this version was SO visually interesting so i did a bunch of redraws of stills (most of which aren't in that post oops, thank you @rknchan for sending them!!! <3)

[quinn-pop]

shoutout to that one mtdd confession comic i drew last year that i never posted because uhh

it was unscripted so the ideas were pretty disjointed and it showed a lot. anyway:

[jahiera]

speaking strictly from a plot & writing perspective here, not a commentary on characters or who or who is not my favorite blorbo (they all are). it's gale time and I wanted to get down everything I thought about this go around with his romance & the writing before it escapes me.

so I once again had a ton of fun of course, the game is still a blast, and several arcs were way more satisfying this time around simply because I ... did not skip the creche, unlike my very first run (I was an idiot) (I didnt think it would be that important) (it really really was). love it 10/10. I cannot WAIT to do my gith run & really focus in on that because the lore there is just, so cool, and that subplot was really rich & rewarding this time around since I had someone who was not orpheus become a mindflayer instead.

as for Gale, Thank Fuck I started before they bugged him up again too much. but let's deep dive into The Material.

shoutout to Tim first of all, he's a legend, dreamboat, superstar. there are so many lines delivered so effortlessly when they would sound ridiculous in anyone else's mouth. he gives gale so much soulful intensity and subtle, nuanced gravitas befitting someone like gale; with enough of Gale's own moments of silliness, cheekiness, wry wit & understated sarcasm, to outright flabbergasted at times, I was Giggling every conversation fr. I'm not usually prone to the "I LOVE YOU" Romances that come earlier rather than later, but ohhhhhhh tim gives each line with all the weight & agony that you can feel inside Gale when it comes (the looming death; not knowing what the end may bring; not wanting to leave any regrets behind) so like. MWAH to him. MWAH MWAH. all the kisses in the world.

okay mandatory compliments to the actor aside. I came out of the whole thing with breadth of new appreciation for Gale as a character in terms of the... concepts, threads, that make him up, and act 2 is where he REALLY shines overall.

I didn't necessarily come away from it with the same... weepy...... done-no-wrong? interpretation of Gale that I've seen floating about. he's lovely. he's intense. he's got soul-crushing devotion on his mind, no doubt. but for every fracture of tenderness, raw sincerity, & off the cuff soliloquy, he's got a lot of interesting flaws/characteristics I'd love to unpick with a fine-toothed comb on some replays or rewatches. Still trying to turn over in my brain exactly what that is, but it's there, and I love it. will say I'm really glad I played it mostly in a vacuum rather than getting too into others' thoughts on him, because What I Had Seen on the Webbed Site had near put me off entire (seeing someone say he's not prideful or pompous at all... when he self-describes as pompous?) -- maybe it's my tendency to focus in on what makes a character tick, when are they sharper, or harder, or meaner, and I enjoy watching that play out a lot, but? yeah. I didn't come away thinking him a super soft mushy mwahmwah -- ROMANTIC, yes, but overall as a character not nearly so lovesick and in desperate need of some protector. in fact when you tell him you don't want to be his crutch, he says as much too -- you've helped him, but you're not the sole focus of his person or the only thing keeping him alive.

there's enough of the humanity in his cheekier moments (stop licking the damn thing!!) and plenty of tear-jerking aside all of that. gale my canon-depressive-episode, mildly suicidal, chronic pained up, still-kind-of-full-of-yourself king. I adore you I love you I cradle you softly in my arms. he charmed me entire! I think that the themes hey were trying to tackle are really interesting and nuanced and I do have some thoughts on the success of the game in actually tackling those, what is there is really wonderful. some gorgeous writing in act 2, especially, and it was sold so well by the voice acting & sincerity in the writing I was just like. PERFECT. 10/10. NEED TO WRITE 98 FLUFF PIECES RN. which does not happen often, to me, as a person.

with. some exceptions, going back to critiquing act 3 as a whole.

act 1 & 2 are both strong, really nice. however this romance definitely needed at least one or two more scenes in act 2 to pad out the space between awkward flirting at the party to "I like it when you're sweaty and bloody-- sorry who said that" to "I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU." -- these scenes should've elaborated on Gale's personal feelings; of mystra, of what's been asked of him, of Tav. they should've set in threads of Gale's anger earlier, rather than the jarring shift from late act 2 "yeah I'll kill myself" to "actually... mystra fucking sucks! lol!" in act 3 at sorcerer sundries. yeah babygirl, mystra DOES fucking suck, wish I could've listened to you as you arrived to these conclusions rather than connecting empty character lines between act 2 and 3. and act 3 desperately needed more space to talk gale in or out of the crown. because by the time we get to the end, if he's really into the crown, he's into it beyond the focus of all else. but in the scenes where you talk him off that particular ledge, it doesn't even take very long to do so, and leaves kind of a weird... gap of intention.

I feel like they wrote themselves into a bit of a corner, honestly. because Gale's personal quest literally cannot be resolved until 5 minutes before the end, any climax wouldn't have much space afterward to pad the aftermath. so the solution to that would've been more character focus scenes, more flavor text depending on how you've influenced gale, something that actually makes the choices feel rewarding -- some hurdles to cross too, checks of some kind. but there really isn't any of that, and so the conflict is almost nonexistent. you squirt gale with a water bottle and he gives up the crown with no real additional dialogue. or you tell him "ma...maybe???" and he's suddenly a power obsessed little freak (complimentary) with no recourse, and in either case, we never got much dialogue to get some insight into his personal thoughts on it. this doesn't make Gale a bad character, but it does leave the narrative to be lacking in some regard.

like, for example. Astarion gets dialogue changes depending on the quest outside of character-specific moments (such as a spawn Astarion changing his dialogue after you help Aylin with Lorroakan), post-quest conversations, PRE-quest conversations with his siblings, moments where he reveals more of what he thinks (such as "You're... you. no one is like that.") etc., Gale gets None of that. the only other characters who really do are Lae'zel and Shadowheart; everyone else is either shafted or resolved in the last few minutes too. I came out of this most satisfied as a player overall with LAE'ZEL'S conclusion (also at the end of the game!!) because we had gotten a few more moments where her focus is obvious and her motivations are clear.

anyways, those are just general writing issues. Act 3 overall is the weakest, most agree, and that's still true here. Sadly it kind of takes some of Gale down with it in this case, because his personal quest is both so removed from the overall plot (despite him being a literal fixture as the only character who knows anything about the crown & was decreed by a literal god to take out the absolute).

however none of this is related to Gale as a guy. as a guy I'm Fucking Obsessed With Him. taking him with me everywhere was so rewarding especially in act 1 / 2. his commentary & insights, when they were there, ranged from funny as fuck to genuinely insightful & interesting for the overall plot. the ideas behind him, the glimpses we get of the life he led before, and the life he wants to lead after with Tav -- or what he alludes to wanting to lead with Tav, thinking that he'll still probably die at the end of this -- are lovely, interesting, TOUCHED MY SPIRIT. he's such a neat version of how to do a character that is as endearing as he can be foot-in-mouth, and as intelligent as he can be a little belligerent. I looooved every moment I could talk with him about magic in act 1, see his passions (beyond mystra), argue with him about how to do something (I'M the magical wonder here actually and I get to make the shadowlantern), all of that really MADE the romance for me in the lulls where his Silence or the gaps in his writing were more clear. 10/10 would kiss that fucking wizard again and cry a little bit thinking about exploding with him aboard a giant alien brain while one of those "ITS YOUUU I LIE WITH" songs plays in the bg

[gifti3]

Hmm dont get mad but

Not really into this whole everyone spilling their guts to me under the mistletoe thing

[brucenorris007]

@dragonballwish

Trunks sighed; he was watching from the balcony while his mom “checked” if the time machine was in working order, comparing it against the one that’d brought Cell to this timeline, seeing if she could fine tune anything...

Never mind the fact that he’d kept it in a capsule any time he wasn’t using it.

“She’s just putting off saying goodbye, dear.”

So said grandma—but every time Trunks tried to help Bulma do... whatever she claimed to be doing, she’d tell him he should rest instead since he’d been fighting and gotten hurt dealing with Cell. 

Again, never mind the fact that she knew Dende had seen to the hole in his chest and Trunks barely even had a scar to show for it.

Dad was still off somewhere on his own, reticent and quieter since the battle ended; Goku’s death had affected something, not that Dad would ever share exactly what that was.

Which left Trunks on the balcony, propped on his elbows against the banister. His leg bounced off his toes, the sun reflecting off all the glass in West City glared into his eyes, his hands were clammy and he just couldn’t—!

“Jarring, isn’t it?”

The question startled him and he whipped his head around; thankfully not violently, since he knew the androids were gone in this time and he’d sensed a modest ki signature. Most of the Briefs family friends were lingering around the building somewhere so they could see him off.

Roshi stood in the sliding glass doorway, regarding him from behind his sunglasses. 

They... hadn’t interacted much. Trunks knew he existed, obviously, but he’d never come up all that often when master Gohan or his mom talked about their friends before the androids. 

“What?” He asked, wiping his hands on his jeans again.

Roshi paced up beside him, puffing at a pipe. He didn’t say anything for such a stretch that Trunks almost wondered if he’d said anything to begin with. 

He lazily blew out a perfect ring of smoke, then:

“Peace.”

Trunks stared.

Blood raced between his ears.

“Quite the stark contrast, hm?” Roshi wondered aloud, as if only speaking to Trunks tangentially. “These quiet times when there’s no mission, no monster to face.”

Trunks gripped the banister, clenching his other hand into a fist.

“I still...”

“Oh,” Roshi said, empathetic and not dismissive. “I know, I know. It never stays quiet; but by the same token, warriors are never always necessary. War does, at times, come to an end.”

Trunks swallowed.

“That’s a good thing!” He said, emphatic. Maybe a little too quickly, by the way Roshi looked at him. “It’s good... right?”

Roshi nodded. 

“Of course. Just—take one word of advice from an old man.”

Trunks blinked.

“When your mission ends; when those days come that leave you feeling restless and ill-at-ease, be patient with yourself. Find those things that bring you joy. The itch at the back of your mind will abate eventually.”

Trunks’ throat went dry.

Roshi frowned at his pipe and tapped it against the banister, unloading its contents into one of the bushes below. He leaned in closer and whispered conspiratorially.

“Don’t tell your mother.”

Then he walked away.

Trunks’ mouth moved uselessly without mustering a sound as the old hermit disappeared. Accounts of Roshi’s character had always been few and mixed in the future. Gohan had once tentatively, kind of uncertainly, named him a second grandfather in that he’d been his Dad’s master. 

Trunks’ Mom in the future had been decidedly less complimentary. 

Then again, given what Trunks now knew about Yamcha after meeting the man and interacting with him, maaaybe his Mom wasn’t always the most reliable source.

Trunks looked back down into the yard, where Bulma was extracting baby Trunks from the dilapidated time machine Cell arrived in.

His mouth ticked upward, and he let out a sigh.

The sun wasn’t glaring in his eyes anymore.

[airenyah]

thinking about my tags on this post, specifically about:

#i keep watching ships on other shows kiss and it's like#this is nice and all but!! it's just not แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน bad buddy series ep. 5 [4/4] (11:33)

and it's like. not gonna lie but this applies even to the patpran ep11 beach kiss

[ambrosiagourmet]

I want to talk about why I think this is the one of the most important Falin panels:

So, Falin is really nice, right? It's one of the first things we really learn about her. She's kind even to the monsters of the dungeon - choosing to ward the party rather than fight spirits and cause them needless harm.

In the above early flashback in chapter 11, we see Marcille fawning over Falin's kindness, calling her an angel. Namari calls her soft-hearted. We see Falin choose not to fight even when a zombie attacks - instead she resolves the confrontation with a hug. After the flashback, the first thing Senshi says is that Falin "sounds like quite the person," which Marcille strongly affirms.

At this point in the story, all we have seen of Falin are these impressions; she is a healer, an angel, a caretaker with an infinite well of kindness towards everyone she meets - both friend and foe.

And honestly, that remains most of what we have to go by to understand her. The only times we get to see Falin on the page, alive and just herself, are in the opening and closing pages of the story and in the brief period of time after she is resurrected.

Nonetheless, we do have some more details to work with. For one, there is the scene that The Panel is from - a short memory in chapter 75, when Marcille flashes back to while she's dying. In that scene, Falin prepares to teleport them all out, and says that she's sorry "if there is a person at [their] destination." And that's when we get The Panel.

If you teleport someone or something into another person, the person teleported into is likely to be, at minimum, severely injured. They could die.

We can see a lovely little horrifying example of exactly why in one of the Daydream Hour doodles:

So, hmm. That's not... that's not SUPER nice. Certainly not displaying the same "kindness to all, friend and foe included" we saw represented earlier. On a basic level, this adds some nuance to Falin's kindness. We see it break a little, when pushed to the limit. We see her chose to protect the people she loves above all else.

Which makes sense! As Laios says when the Winged Lion accuses him of similarly being motivated more by his friends' safety than everyone else in the dungeon, "...most people, aside from virtuous do-gooders, would feel the same way."

So, we can take The Panel as simply showing a moment of weakness for Falin. A time when she was pushed to her limits, and that "most people" selfish side of her shone through.

However... I think there's a little more going on with Falin than just her being an angel 99% of the time, except just that once. I love The Panel because I think it helps us understand that Falin isn't just motivated by kindness - she also has a desire to avoid seeing people in pain.

Isn't that the same thing?

No, no it very much is not.

Let's look at a short comic from the Falin section of the Adventurer's Bible, because I think it illustrates this point perfectly. The group is complaining about how much Marcille's healing hurts, and comparing it to Falin's, which "doesn't hurt a bit." Marcille retorts with the following:

Now, the punchline of this comic is that, despite Marcille's sentimental assertion that she's "thinking of [them]" by letting her healing magic hurt, they all still prefer to be healed by Falin.

But hey, this wouldn't be the first time that Dungeon Meshi hides a very real character beat or insight in a gag, so let's think about this somewhat seriously.

If Marcille is right (and she knows a fair bit about magic, so we can assume that she has at least somewhat of a point), then what Falin is doing isn't kind. I suppose if someone specifically requested to not feel the pain, it could be kind, but that's not really what happened here. She is the one who felt badly about the others being in pain, and she is the one who decided, without telling them or giving them a choice in the matter, to take away that pain.

Both Marcille and Falin are healing the party, but Marcille is doing it in a way that accomplishes the task in the most straight forward way, without any additional interference. Falin is going out of her way to perform the healing in a way she is more comfortable with. A way that avoids pain.

Going back the The Panel, I don't think its a coincidence that the only time we see Falin (well, non-chimera Falin) willing to do something that could hurt someone is when any potential pain will be far away from her. If she got someone hurt or killed by teleporting the party to the surface? Not only would it be far out of her sight, but she'd be dead before she had to deal with any consequences of that action.

Falin is not a confrontational person. She doesn't push when Marcille won't tell her the truth about the resurrection, and she comforts Laios about her own death - both of those things happening in the only full chapter she is alive and conscious in the whole story.

We also know that she considered accepting Shuro's proposal, despite not having any special feelings towards him, and that Falin never explained to Marcille that she wanted them to share a meal together. When she brought Marcille various foods at the academy, she just accepted Marcille's confused rejection and gave up.

And lastly, we know that she is still in contact with her parents, despite the neglect and abuse she suffered at their hands. Although the way someone chooses to handle contact with abusive or bad family is a complicated topic, which I don't want to overly simplify, I do I think this fact gets at the heart of how she handles conflict.

So many people that Falin loves have hurt her. There are understandable hurts, like Laios leaving the village, or Marcille not understanding the food. And there are bigger, far less justifiable hurts - like her parents neglecting her throughout her childhood, and sending her away to be alone at the magic academy.

It doesn't seem like Falin has ever confronted any of it directly.

And the unhealthy aspects of this kind of avoidance of pain and confrontation is one of the things that the story of Dungeon Meshi is all about. We see Laios grapple with it before he goes to kill Falin, and we see Marcille acknowledge it at the end of the story, when she tells Laios that she has come to terms with Falin's death:

Eating is a part of life. Consuming other living things is a part of life. It isn't really possible to avoid that pain - you can only hide from the truth of it. You have to be selfish everyday. You have to eat - to choose to live. To choose to take up space.

And this is something Falin embraces, too. She comes back to life, after all.

We see her choose to come back to life.

And how does she make that choice? She eats. She consumes, and then she is asked a question by the manifestation of hunger itself:

Do you want to eat more?

There is a double meaning in the Winged Lion's final words on the next page.

When I first read this, I took it as him saying: life is cruel. You will suffer. You will feel more pain.

But perhaps, especially for Falin, this also means: you are choosing a path where you must cause pain. Where you must consume. Where you must take, and must be selfish. Because eating is the special privilege of the living, and it is their burden, too. In order to stay alive, she will need to keep eating.

And she chooses that. Chooses to be selfish. It's why her resurrection scene is so important, and it's why The Panel is so important. Because Falin coming back isn't the ultimate reward for all of the party's hard work.

It's her choice. Just like it was her choice that started everything in the first place. But this time, she doesn't choose to accept causing pain for the sake of Marcille and Laios. She does it for her own sake.