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gloster · 3 years

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FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I speak for all when I say....I cannot wait to toss 2020 out the door the way Uncle Phil constantly did with Jazz. One of the things that got me through this rough year, besides family & friends & BTS, were fanfics.

It’s that time of year again where I make a list of all the fanfics that I absolutely adored. Some are by veteran favs of mine, others are new to me who just knocked it out of the park. If you’re interested in past lists, here is 2019′s list and 2018′s. If y’all are interested in doing your own fanfic favs of the year, please do so and tag me. Always on the hunt for new favs.

So without furhter ado, my fav fanfics of 2020:

1). Another Word for Forever series by stardropdream (sheith)

Summary: Shiro knows better than to expect love in an arranged marriage. This is all for the sake of universal peace, after all, and solidifying a Terran-Galran alliance. At the very least, Shiro can hope to make a friend out of this. Becoming friends would be much easier, though, if he and his husband could actually communicate.

With a language barrier and a mountain of cultural differences between them, getting to know Keith proves to be a challenge. Luckily, Shiro's always worked well with challenges.

2020 shockingly became the year of sheith. I ended up rewatching the show w/my bestie @littlenightdragon. Diving more deeply into it w/my other bestie @kila09. She and I spent the better half of this year devouring so many fanfics of them in various AUs. I came across new fanfic authors, and stardropdream is among them.

If I could describe this series & stardropdream, I’ll take a cue from Lady Gaga: “ talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it”

This series was just PERFECTION. I’ve gotten into arranged-marriage AUs and this has been one of the best I’ve read. It was just perfection. The language barrier definitely added an extra charm to it, in which Shiro finds his own ways to get to know his husband better: both creative and funny ways. So many cute moments, so many funny moments with Hunk being the translating middle man between them, and the smut. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. Just *chef’s kiss* Incredible. It was just so so sweet, and such a comfort read. I reread this series 5 times already and hope Robin (the writer) does more stories in this AU.

Please read this series. You’re not gonna regret it. It will MELT your heart.

Honorable Mentions:

If I Called You Mine

Sail Across the Sky Just to Get to You

Finding Shelter (The Alien Baby Remix)

Say You Do(n’t)

2). The Golden Hour by @goldentruth813 (sheith)

Summary: After a space mission failure, Shiro loses his arm and his career. Two years later he's settled into a quiet and simple new life on his farm, but when a beautiful alien crashes in his field, he discovers the answers to his questions—and possibly the keys to his future—will come from the stars.

I’m sure no one, least of all Janel the writer herself, is surprised to see this author featured on this list. For now the 3rd year in a row. WOOOW 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 She is the reason I got into shieth, and she just continues to put out amazing conent with them. This story by far has been the best she’s done this year-possibly one of the best ever.

We have Shiro trying to have a simple life at the farm with his dog and animals. A curious BOM Keith who shakes things up with his boldness/innocence-and questions bound to test blood pressure, especially Shiro’s. Loads of cute moments, loads of funny moments, and also loads of oreos.

If summary and my thoughts don’t sell you, only one thing will: reading it for yourself.

Honorable mentions:

Two Hearts in Bloom

Mountain Men

Home is in Your Heart

3). Spun like Gold by Neyasochi (sheith)

Summary: Though Shiro is currently operating his fledgling bakery business out of a decrepit food truck he got for cheap in a repossession sale, he dreams of something more: a cozy bakery and cafe on a tree-lined street somewhere, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and sugar glaze instead of diesel. A little money could go a long way to helping him get off the ground-- and luckily, Keith has money to burn.

Or: Keith takes care of Shiro’s financial woes, in exchange for a little sugar.

OMG, OMG, OMG was this story so sweet. Neyasochi already sold me with the baking/baker Shiro trope, but went a step further throwing in sugar-daddy Keith who knows his way around his manic family and cars, but when it comes to asking a cute guy out? What better way to make an impression than becoming his best paying customer?

Honorable mentions:

oh, devour me

Healing Touch

on your hand of gold

4). The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora (drarry)

Summary: In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.

If there’s one thing I love about fanfics is how they introduce you to tropes you never would consider before. Draco and knitting was a combo I didn’t realize how much I needed until now. And I love the fact knitting played a big part of the accidental bonding. Also loved the fact everyone in their friend group shipped them like crazy. Highly, highly recommend

5) What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd (drarry)

Summary: Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

And then Malfoy shows up.

(Inspired by the blink-182 song of the same name.)

It’s no secret that I’m such a fangirl of @lazywonderlvnd. Any drarry story I read, I always love. Last year, I ADORED The Changing Lights, which was one of my favorites last year, and her updating/finishing the story was a massive highlight for me. I thank ya for that.

This story was honestly refreshing. I’ve grown so used to Harry being responsible, always doing what’s right, that seeing a story where Harry pretty much has his middle finger in the air to “good reputation”, “being responsible,” because as he brought up: “I’m 25. I’ve been fighting all my life. I’ve earned my life to have fun.”

Okay, granted, it wasn’t quite like that but it was along those lines. And I agree. After all he went through, Harry deserves to have fun. He deserves to be reckless and make stupid decisions.

Also, it was such a blast reading a story where Harry is the brat & Draco has to keep him in line. LOVED.

Honorable mentions:

Inside Your Mind

Aletheia

6). Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (drarry)

Summary: When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Do not let the title fool you like it did me. Title alone, I was thinking it was going to be a fun, fluffy story involving baking, maybe chocolate crafting. However....it was not that at all. It was more. A lot deeper. A lot more angsty. It explored mental health, PTSD and the dangers of loved ones ignoring the signs, and contained an important message:

You can’t love someone out of their illness/disease/ addiction. Which is true and this story showed that.

7). i’m still here by owedbetter (zutara)

Summary: "You see me."

And somehow, that makes all the difference.

If there’s one of the few good things 2020 has brought, it was Netflix bringing back ATLA to their library. Which in turn ignited my love for zutara & had me drag @kila09 into that ship.

This story was just incredible. The way it was written, it really felt like it could have been canon. Deleted scenes that a certain creator didn’t want us to see. The way Zuko and Katara came together, starting from their peaceful friendship after the Southern Raiders episode up, becoming closer along the way.

I dare y’all to read this and not think OMG...is this secret canon bonus material? I definitely plan to read more by owedbetter.

8). all the what ifs i never said by rosegardenlake (sheith)

Summary: Keith is nine when he first notices Shiro. Shiro is gentle and quiet, always keeping to himself. Keith is rough and loud, running wherever his feet will take him, screaming on the top of his lungs into the wind. But despite that, they're a constant throughout each other's lives...if only that could be enough. As they grow, Keith just wants them both to be happy, but instead, he's falling apart.

Rosegardenlake is another sheith writer who I adored last year & adore this year as well. This was a story that I read during the beginning of quarantine-life and when I tell you the number of times Keith’s emotions of loneliness got to me, it’s a big number.

Keith’s struggle with life after high school, after peaking in school, and his mental health reminded me too much of where I was at 2018, which wasn’t a good year for me at all, especially mentally. So that was triggering but it was also helpful since I saw how far I came. And it was beautiful seeing how far Keith came.

Also the relationship between Shiro and Keith was just beautiful. It’s very funny how Keith was Shiro’s protector growing up and Shiro became Keith’s later on in life. There’s a chance your heart may be heavy, but will also be so swelled up with feelings these two bring it.

Honorable mentions:

Where the Light Doesn’t Reach

9). When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS; poly ot7)

Summary: Jungkook’s tipsy, but he’s not buzzed enough to miss that he doesn’t recognize any of the four dozen people here. And seeing as his friends aren’t ones to ditch and there’s no way they’d play a prank this mean on him, Jungkook reaches the conclusion that he just walked into a stranger’s very expensive home, uninvited, and started eating their food and petting their well-dressed dog.

(Or: Jungkook shows up to the wrong Halloween party and meets the most powerful family in Seoul.)

I can easily say Oh_Hey_Tae easily one of my favorite BTS fanfic favs. Always come through with the stories, and this one was just amazing. We have Jungkook stumbling into a Halloween story, and soon enters into a intense, insane relationship with all six guys, who are already in a relationship with each other. Oh, and supernatural creatures at that.

You do see certain relationships are stronger, deeper. For example, a lot of moments between Jin and Jungkook. Vmin has their own story and moments. But it was just so amazing.

Fair warning. Halfway through, things get darker and Oh_My_Tae really loves playing readers diirty with the angst, but it’s so good.

10). peace-weaver by magisterpavus (sheith)

Summary: You will be the peace-weaver, his mother told him, smiling though her dark eyes welled with unshed grief. The one who brings two bitter enemies together and ends the bloodshed and death between us, once and for all.

But men will always crave war. The Galra, most of all.

Yet another arranged-marriage AU that I loved. This particular one is well-loved in the sheith fandom. I can definitely say it’s considered one of the classic fanfics that’s been read or shared at one point or another.

The story itself reminded me a lot of Macbeth, involving murder and dark forces at bay. The dynamics between Shiro and Keith reminded me of Drogo and Daenerys from GOT, one of my fav couples there, which only made it all the more better for me.

I do credit the author for the creative approach they took with quintessence and Shiro’s role/persona as the Champion

Honorable mentions:

The Boy in the Window

Sheith Demon/Priest AU

A Matter of Scale

Directive

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

Hold Me Tight, or Don’t by snowfallen (yoonmin with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU featuring assassins and hitmen, secret identities, fake marriage, and a lot of smut)

The Prince and Pirate by Maniacani, @nerdherderette (drarry with a splash of royalty and pirates. Perfect if you’re needing to fill in any Pirates of the Caribbean or Black Sails cravings)

First Kisses are the Best Ones by SashaDistan (sheith in a 50 First Dates Fusion heartfelt/heart-gutting story)

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1 (drarry w/Harry explaining the many ways why Draco’s the love of his life. we love to see it)

The Sacrificed by SasuNarufan13 (sasunaru w/ dark fairytale elements similar to Little Red Riding Hood & Beauty and the beast + feat. mpreg)

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (drarry feat. lunch lady Draco + scheming Harry + loads of fun w/sweets & more)

Red Desert by @beatitudinembty (taekook in a unique sci-fi AU; hard to explain but so worth a read

one way ticket to another life by starboykeith (sheith Hades x Persephone background)

Even So by lewilder (zutara; arranged marriage+ language barrier +soft strangers to lovers)

Well, lovely people, there you have it. My top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. I do notice a certain ship shows up a lot on this list, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they took over this year. Still, I tried to mix the list up with other fav ships/fandoms of mine. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

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agcntemily · 3 years

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Omg omg omg you write Penelope and elle??? I love them sm. Such an underrated ship.

If you're still taking requests, can I request a mix of 3 from hurt and 7 from comfort for them? Penelope just always has to check that Elle is okay when she gets back from the field.

prompts: “blood? are you bleeding?” — 3, hurt. “you’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now.” — 7, comfort.

notes: thank you for requesting!! i love this ship — penelope would totally check on elle every time, platonic or romantic. elle would always brush her away, rolling her eyes, but she secretly loves being taken care of by penelope <3 | also hi, sorry this is so short and just not very well written. i want to write more for them on my ao3 soon!

Penelope Garcia was a worrier. When someone she cared deeply for was hurt in any way, shape, or form; she was the first one to raise concern. Having her teammates be so up close to serial killers, while she was stuck behind the screens unable to know anything firsthand, caused her to develop a small fear every time they left. Her anxiety didn’t settle until everyone was back safely. Having Elle out in that field only made it hurt ten times worse.

Elle Greenaway had absolutely no care in the world for her own health, and Penelope had learned this the hard way. She put herself in countless of dangerous situations to save people. While Penelope applauded her for her bravery and dedication to the job, she just wished Elle wouldn’t throw herself in front of harms way to get the job done. But that’s where she came in — sparkly purple bandaids and magic kisses to make the injuries feel better.

The first time it had happened, Elle had been sent to her by Hotch after he realized she’d never gotten checked out by a proper paramedic. She’d come to Penelope with a nasty scrape on her arm, insisting it didn’t hurt. The wince that came across her face when Penelope sprayed a disinfectant spray over it said otherwise, but the bubbly blonde was more focused on ensuring Elle felt better. Her own heart couldn’t rest until she’d asked if there were any further injuries, stuck a purple bandaid on her arm, and gave her a lollipop from her secret stash. She’d even pressed a kiss to Elle’s hand before sending her off.

The second time it happened, Elle came to her. Willingly. She slumped right down in the chair, mumbling something about immature paramedics trying to get her number. Penelope was less concerned with the fact that Elle was getting hit on by people who were supposed to be professionals, and more concerned with the purplish bruise forming on the side of her head. Apparently, she’d been knocked in the head by the suspects elbow when she’d tried to disarm him. There wasn’t much Penelope could really do for her aside from helping hold ice to it and giving her a few painkillers for the headaches. Although, Elle did smile a little when Penelope had offered her a kiss near the bruise to ease the pain.

From then on, Elle continued coming to her after injuries happened. Sometimes, they sat in silence. Penelope would clean her up, place a kiss somewhere near the injury, hand out a lollipop, and send her back. Other times, Elle opened up about what had happened and how much it hurt. Either way, Penelope always offered a kiss.

This time wasn’t any different. As soon as Penelope had gotten the text from Hotch that the team was on their way back, she called Elle. It barely rang once before the brunette’s voice came through.

“Hi, Garcia.” That was a sigh, a sigh Elle only made when she was in pain.

Penelope’s heart immediately clenched. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yes, Pen, I’m fine. Don’t worry. It’s not my blood.” That was Elle’s first mistake. Later, Penelope would tease her about how adorable it was that she had no clue how to use technology. Now, though, her statement only created more concern.

“Blood? Are you bleeding?” God, Penelope absolutely hated how far away the team traveled. She would have to wait hours before she could make sure Elle was okay and calm her racing heart.

There was some shuffling before Elle spoke again. “I thought this was a video call?”

The confusion in her voice was cute, but Penelope wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily. “No, gumdrop, this is just a regular call. Why are you bleeding?”

“I never know how to use these new phones,” Elle grumbled. “I liked my old one just fine, but someone had to drop it in the lake.”

She was very pointedly referring to the incident that had taken place a few trips ago. Morgan had forgotten his own phone at the hotel, and had borrowed Elle’s to take a picture of the lake for evidence. He wound up dropping it into what Penelope considered a swamp, and made it his personal mission to buy her a new phone. “Not one of those old school flip phones. You need a good one, something that’ll get you around,” is what he had said. So far, said phone had given her nothing but trouble. Penelope half considered stealing it and modifying it down to a more simpler version for her.

“Elle, sunshine, I need you to focus for a minute.” Penelope’s voice raised an octave involuntarily.

Elle let out a deep sigh from the other end. “Yeah, Pen?”

Then, in that small and cutesy voice that everyone seemed to adore, Penelope redirected their conversation. “Why are you bleeding?”

Penelope tracked Elle’s phone from the second she stepped foot back inside the BAU, to the second the door opened to her little lair. Elle barely had time to breathe before Penelope was hugging her tightly, bringing one hand to rest on the back of her head. She felt safe in the blonde’s arms, not that she would ever like to admit it. Warm, safe, cared for — it was everything she craved to feel after a case like this.

She caved pretty quickly, dropping her head to Penelope’s shoulder. It wasn’t long before the burn of tears in her eyes became too much, and she was certain that Penelope could feel her hot tears dripping onto her shirt. “Oh, my little gumdrop,” she heard beside her ear. “Where does it hurt?”

Elle blew out a shaky breath, trying to steady her voice. “My ear. Morgan cleaned up the blood.”

The story had been revealed during the plane ride home: an unsub had caught Elle as she was clearing one room of his house, and he had no qualms about punching her straight in the ear. According to the paramedics on the scene, her hearing was fine, but she refused to let them clean her up or check over anything else. Hotch only agreed because the paramedics said it wasn’t anything too serious and Elle was clearly shaken up over the whole ordeal.

“He did?” Penelope hoped her voice was low enough that it wasn’t hurting the woman in her arms. She felt a nod against her shoulder. “That was nice of him.” Keeping one arm wrapped around Elle’s waist, she brought her other hand to gently rub her back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She felt a little shake of Elle’s head. “No,” came the small voice. Penelope’s heart swooned. She did the only thing there was left to do, and the one thing she could do better than being a technical analyst; comfort her (girl)friend.

“Okay,” she sighed, feeling the warm tears still soaking through her shirt. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’ll be alright. No one can hurt you now.” She punctuated her sentences by pressing her lips to Elle’s temple, leaving a series of kisses.

For the first time in years, Elle felt protected. She felt loved, which is something she hadn’t felt since before her father died. The feeling was overwhelming, adding onto her tears. Penelope Garcia’s worrying could be overbearing to some people, but being loved by Penelope Garcia was one of the most amazing experiences Elle could ever recommend.

#elle greenaway #penelope garcia #elle greenaway x penelope garcia #penelope garcia x elle greenaway #elle x penelope

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feysandfeels · 3 years

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ACOSF: very long, very spoilery review

Part II of my review, here you can find the other ones.

Again, if you did not like the book or had many issues with it, maybe this isn’t the post for you.

I. Plot // III. Future Books

II. Side Characters

My main point here is that I don’t think it terrible that the IC did not apologize to Nesta, not because I do not think a few apologies are owed here and there (Rhys and Amren I’m looking at you), but because it was Nesta’s perspective what we were seeing. We were not seeing Rhy’s or Amren’s or their growth towards Nesta, we were seeing her perspective on them and she indeed had been rude. I thought it was very grown up of her to apologize to Amren and Feyre because, not because people have treated you badly you can then treat them badly and get away with it. That is very immature. What I saw in Nesta was someone taking the first step. If we were to get books from Rhys’ and Amren’s perspective I’m sure we would get the “we should apologize to her too” moment.

Also generally speaking, I love seeing the IC disagree and call each other out when they are being an asses and the small moments of not intimacy.. but like the day to day of their friendship, like so and so were hanging out and so and so went to dinner or were doing this together, beyond the official court meetings.

Now, for the particulars

- The Valkyries: I cannot with these women. I have so much love for them and for their strength. And I loved the day to day and innocence of their friendship. Slumber parties? yes, matching bracelets? yes, teasing your friend with the hot instructor? yes, seeing your friend’s worst and supporting them regardless? yes. I loved that Nesta took the risk of deciding to build a friendship with them. I love that they serve also as way for Nesta to gain some perspective into the work that needs to happen between her own sisters. I love how they were refused to be defined by their trauma. I appreciated the way their abuse was framed by the constant need to be more than it, but still not running from what happened. I thought the progression of their friendship was very well done.

I found it quite fitting that they were the ones who won the blood rite and not Nesta.

- Azriel: He shined in this book (and yes his chapter was not great but I will not condemn him for a bitter, immature moment, when I have now a bit more context on why he acted like he did. I still don’t think it was a great look on him, but I choose to look at this as an opportunity of growth). The way he supported Nesta an became her friend is a reminder of how he cares for people and how nonjudgemental he is. I liked getting to know him more through the eyes of someone who has been with him for 500 years and someone who met him two years ago and was like “I don’t hate you but I don’t need you” towards him.

Who would have thought that he would offer so many comic relief moments.

- Amren: I enjoyed her I always have. The fact that she told Feysand that their pact was a foolish one even if it was romantic was amazing, I think we all feel that. I love her pragmatic, grounded view and I thought it was very revealing she voted against Nesta knowing about the swords she created, because it showed how much the Summer boat fight had affected her.

Her scene when Nesta apologizes to her even though I have heard people disagree with it, I liked it. Kneeling is not begging for forgiveness, I think Nesta knelt as a sign of respect (which is a callback to when Feyre tells her she respects Amren during their three way fight). Respect for the first person to whom she was not related that saw her for all that she is and accepted her and became her friend. A sign of respect to the first friend she had...who she hurt.

- Elain: Talk about power huh? Physically she was in like what, three scenes? but jesus christ. I have nothing but respect for her and I am very intrigued with her mindset. I love that she stood up for herself and reminded us that we have naturalized her in this innocent, sweet lady, when she is that and so much more. I think it makes it way more clear why she wanted to hook up with Azriel.

I do want to know how she and Feyre bonded while Nesta was *not there*

- Feyre: My love, my sweet. She was on Nesta’s corner, always – and I think it’s very hard to argue otherwise– : she voted for Nesta to know about her powers, she forgave Nesta for telling her about the pregnancy, she tried her best with the tools that she had to help her sister and she kept her distance. I think there is no place for discussion about the way Feyre loves Nesta, because she does, deeply and so does Nesta. The slow progression of their relationship through Nesta’s eyes was the right pace for this: Feyre was so associated with that guilt Nesta was feeling, that until she untangled all that couldn’t she attempt to have a good relationship with her sister.

I will say it’s a fucking shame we did not see the discussion between her and Rhys when she found out about the risks of her pregnancy. Maaaaaan I would have loved that drama

- Rhys: I think out of all the relationships to unpack this one was the one that excited me the most and it did not disappoint. I think they both worked towards being more receptive of the other person. Sure we did not see Rhys do it because this wasn’t his PoV and yes, we still saw him make mistakes and let his emotion take control and be unfair sometimes, but I did not find it unbelievable that by the end he is in a place where he is making an effort a true one and not just for Feyre’s sake.

The moment when he helped her from her nightmare is still one of my favorite ones from the book and when he kneeled to thank her. Like I’m sorry we have seen how Rhys is and we know that kneeling is not something he does and what that represents is huge... I don’t understand why people are so mad Nesta didn’t get the verbal apology.

Overall Nesta’s relationship with him could be seen as a metaphor of her accepting and learning to love or thrive the live she now has. Through the way she thinks of him we can trace her acceptance of her existence as fae and the dynamics of the life in the night court.

The balance between the “he is amazing” from Cassian and the “he’s mediocre at best” from Nesta was very much needed. It allowed for a human Rhys to appear on the page.

- Lucien and Mor: As much as I missed not having them around or talking about them more, there presence was felt throughout the book. I enjoyed seeing Nesta’s opinions on them change. It’s not like the are bffs by the end, but she treats Mor with more respect and tries to see Lucien beyond the “stay away from my sister” goggles, which shows a lot of growth from her part (since we don’t get their povs I hope they put in the effort to see her differently as she did in the book once she gained perspective).

Also, Cassian made sure we understood that he sees that Mor is hidding something. So like we know he suspects. The way he talked about her and about their bond is so special to me. And I am very happy we got to see more of their friendship even in the absence of Mor.

#Inner circle #The Valkyries #Gwyneth Berdara #Emerie #Azriel #Amren #Elain Archeron #Feyre Archeron #rhys #Rhysand #Lucien Vanserra #Mor #The Morrigan #Feysandfeelspost #ACOSF Spoilers #ACOSF review #ACOSF #A Court of Silver Flames Spoilers

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itsybitsyadditions · 3 years

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Just A Pup

In which Jaeyoung has a little chat with Majesty about his relationship with Bom (@starlightoffical)

Members: Majesty and Jaeyoung of (@2fold-group)

Majesty had been laying on his bed scrolling through his phone and laughing at memes when Jaeyoung knocked, entering before the younger boy could reapond.

"Hyung! What's up?" Majesty sat up, a goofy smile on his face as he was still processing the last meme he had been laughing at. Jaeyoung, shrugs sitting on the edge of the bed as he looks thoughtfully at his group member. "How do you feel about Bom, Yiu Man?" He cuts to the point, even using Majesty's Chinese name to show he was serious, which caught the boy off guard.

"I...You know! I really like her...I mean, I love her... I guess!" He spits out nervously, face turning five shades of red. "You guess?" Jaeyoung lifts an eyebrow at him. Majesty coughs, looking away as he spoke now, "I do love her, okay?" His voice was soft as he said that.

The thing with Majesty was that he was quite immature and inexperienced when it came to love and serious relationships. He had always been somewhat of a fuck boy and was so used to having his ego stroked by girls who just found him hot and good for a quick bang and with his immaturity and impulsiveness, he had been fine with that for the most part. He accepted the fact that most girls found him stupid and awkward, including his one and only ex.

Of course Bom had been different - she saw through that and knew there was more to him. She also seemed to find his awkward and immaturity a bit endearing to where Majesty never felt embarrassed to be himself with her, and that made him feel good. She never made him feel like a dumbass either and embraced his quirky side.

Bom was also his type: sexy but cute, assertive but sweet. He loved that she knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. He loved her attitude and confidence but also loved that pure softness underneath the sass. He loved that she cared deeply for her members and always had their backs, and she also had his (and he wasn't afraid to have a girl stand up for him). She was strong and beautiful and to him, a Queen. His Queen.

"So what is with you not messaging her for nearly a week after your last...encounter? How come you never properly asked her to be your girlfriend when you clearly want to be exclusive?" Jaeyoung pushed, his voice gentle as always. He noticed the fact that ever since the two had started hooking up, Majesty rarely left the house to party and didn’t even glance at another woman since. His eyes and mind were always set on Bom especially when watching her group perform.

Truthfully, Majesty was embarrassed. his lack of romantic experience was obvious in is inability to pick up on romantic cues. After all, none of the girls he had been with in the past ever cared about that stuff since they were just brief hookups. even his ex hadn't cared. He was nervous too because he wanted to give Bom the world but wasn’t sure where to start. She deserved anything and everything, but just how were he to go about that? What if she found his attempts too corny?

“Hyung, I...I’m nervous. I screwed up last time.” His impulsive and scatterbrained sides ended up conflicting and he made himself look extra stupid by not realizing her question clarifying what they were. Blurting out he loved her then asking her to be his girlfriend so suddenly - in the least romantic way - after seeing the hurt in her eyes. He had panicked as soon as she had gotten up to get dressed and leave, fearing he was going to lose her. He meant what he said though, but definitely should have went about it better.

The leader nods, understanding where he was coming from. ‘Yiu Man, you need to take a deep breath and clear your head. Bom isn’t a complicated girl and she is very much into you. I feel she’d appreciate little things - flowers, candy...spontaneous dinner dates. Showing you care and are thinking about her would mean the world to her. If you’re love for her is as real as you say, it will start to come naturally.”

Majesty was a huge people pleaser and knew how he felt about her was the real thing - she ignited feelings in him that no girl ever had before. He trusted his hyungs words and sighed, putting his phone down. “I’ll figure something out. I really don’t want her to leave me, Jae. I love her...a lot.”

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agentrouka-blog · 4 years

Text

Jon and Ygritte - rotten moral code? Nah, just setting up Jonsa.

If there is one thing that had me uncertain if Jon is good enough for my Darling Angel Sansa, it’s this:

He could feel the throb of pain where her arrow had gone through the meat and muscle of his thigh. He remembered the old man's eyes too, and the black blood rushing from his throat as the storm cracked overhead. But he remembered the grotto best of all, the look of her naked in the torchlight, the taste of her mouth when it opened under his. Ygritte, stay away. Go south and raid, go hide in one of those roundtowers you liked so well. You'll find nothing here but death. (ASOS, Jon VII)

Gosh, it was sure bad when she murdered that innocent, unarmed old man. But wow, what a hottie. “Go south and raid”? Raid?? Seriously, you want her to kill even MORE innocent people because it’s such swell fun for her? What the hell is wrong with you??

Ygritte was much in his thoughts as well. He remembered the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body . . . and the look on her face as she slit the old man's throat. You were wrong to love her, a voice whispered. You were wrong to leave her, a different voice insisted. He wondered if his father had been torn the same way, when he'd left Jon's mother to return to Lady Catelyn. He was pledged to Lady Stark, and I am pledged to the Night's Watch. (ASOS, Jon VI)

Wrong to leave her. Hm. Yeah. If that’s your preferred lifestyle, Jon. By all means.

And, dude, I get that your relationship with Catelyn was very painful and that you never even met your mother, but that comparison is just insulting to BOTH women. And Ned. By all the Seven, get a grip, Jon.

"Who is Ygritte?" Donal Noye asked pointedly.

"A woman of the free folk." How could he explain Ygritte to them? She's warm and smart and funny and she can kiss a man or slit his throat. "She's with Styr, but she's not . . . she's young, only a girl, in truth, wild, but she . . ." She killed an old man for building a fire. His tongue felt thick and clumsy. The milk of the poppy was clouding his wits. "I broke my vows with her. I never meant to, but . . ." It was wrong. Wrong to love her, wrong to leave her . . . "I wasn't strong enough. The Halfhand commanded me, ride with them, watch, I must not balk, I . . ." His head felt as if it were packed with wet wool. (ASOS, Jon VI)

This is one of the few things I find deeply, deeply disconcerting about Jon. This willingness to overlook the murder of an innocent man, to let it be overshadowed by the memory of, essentially, her naked chest.

Jon Boy, I get that you were a love-starved little bastard weasel and you miss the intimacy of a relationship, but she is literally a cold-blooded killer. And she treated you like a possession. How are you justifying this.

Seriously, the only saving grace here is that Jon is maybe 15 or 16 and emotionally starved and has zero experience with what a good relationship would be like. Ygritte was neither particularly warm, nor smart (AT ALL!) and I cannot judge the funny. But she most certainly was a violent, murdering invader. And Jon really really really wants to be in denial about that.

At the worst, this tells us Jon is extremely superficial in his core values. A sham of a character. But that doesn’t gel with what we’ve seen of him elsewhere.

At best, however, this underlines how very very very much Jon longs to be loved, how much it will mean to him when he experiences it. This is the only interpretation that ameliorates his moral failure here just a little bit. This angle also gives us a glimpse into the future.

We already saw Jon mature a lot over the course of AFFC and ADWD. He does still refer to Ygritte in his head as a mentor. But the romantic relationship fades far into the background. He has better priorities, but that longing for love is likely not dead.

GRRM is obviously setting up something to do with Dany, here. Violent invader open to romance… It’s Dany. GRRM either means to create plausible doubt about Jon’s true feelings if he wants to toy with the reader about political!Jon, OR to set up another bout of actual denial if Jon is bound to Dany on an honest, emotional level.

But.

The first option will be tricky to pull off, without erasing Jon’s POV for far too long, so why bother for just one short-term surprise? It’d be as bad as the show. GRRM is better than that.

If it was the second option played straight, I would lose all my respect for Jon. And I would find it boring. It would mean that Jon has literally not grown, at all. It would mean that whatever relationship he develops with whatever Stark he encounters before Dany - Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon, Benjen, I don’t even care - would not have enough depth to outweigh whatever an emotionally stunted child woman (fascinating character arc, but really, she’s not that interesting on an interpersonal level) can offer him. He would be as ignorant about a proper relationship as he had been with Ygritte. As willing to compromise basic moral standards for emotional comfort and a good time between the sheets.

Or GRRM is simply setting up a contrast.

The fact THAT Jon was having these extremely questionable impulses of bargaining when it comes to Ygritte’s character back when he was a wee little stupid baby, actually makes me fairly confident that he won’t struggle so hard do the same with Dany when he encounters her as a “man grown”.

Because there would be absolutely nothing interesting about Ygritte 2.0. with dragons. Murdering invader who looks good naked, yay! My family disapproves: what surprising, heart-rending tension. She kills people but she is so pretty: what inner turmoil. She is miraculously pregnant with the fruit of our incest, but I love her, it’s all good. Go south and raid, Dany Darling! I am aghast by your killings but, gosh, so torn because you are so full of.. um.. yeah. No.

But it would be very interesting to see Jon understand the difference between a good and a bad relationship. To track his actual growth by seeing him reevaluate what he thought he knew with what he learns. To see him struggle not with melodramatic denial but with guilt for an emotionally vulnerable monster, and with horror when he discovers she is possibly much cleverer and even more dangerous than he even thought.

Basically, what would be much more interesting, would be Jon underestimating her, rather than being in denial. Being in denial about Dany’s nature, or bargaining over it, makes Jon a boring, repetitive fool. Underestimating how far she will go, while being fully aware of her nature, that’s the stuff of horrifying surprises.

But in order for Jon to mature emotionally to such a degree, he will first have to experience a relationship that is not abusive but nourishing, and feel loved and accepted. Not even necessarily romantic, but simply close, positive, trusting. And in order to do it in an interesting, non-redundant way that shows us something we have not seen before, it almost HAS to be Sansa. Which brings us back to how very very very much Jon craves just such a thing. So much he was willing to downplay the vile horror that is murdering innocent people because the person who did it had “loved” him and he wasn’t ready to let go of that.

Arya, Bran, Benjen, Rickon, all the Starks already love him. It’s Sansa who’s a mystery box in terms of interaction. Basically, their relationship, in order to set Jon up on a trajectory to stay interesting, has to be a very positive one. It doesn’t have to be perfect, obviously, but overall very positive. Warm, funny, smart. Life-affirming. Embracing.

And unless Jaime-Cersei-Brienne is supposed to be the apex of romantic tension in the books (Love Arianne, but she is not “big” enough to carry the books on her amazing shoulders.) then Jonsa is basically inevitable.

There is simply not enough emotional tension in a platonic Stark family v. Targ family feud. Certainly not between the Starklings. Why have two Stark sisters unless Jon’s relationship with them is going to be markedly different? Especially with the level of importance weddings and babies have carried up to now. It is literally inevitable that romance will be central. Even if GRRM means to end it tragically, which I don’t think he will, Jonsa will have to be a thing, a BIG THING in order to provide emotional growth for Jon, a contrast to his relationships with Ygritte and Dany, a pay-off for all of Sansa’s romantic disasters and - obviously - for RLJ. Because only Jonsa is unlocked by the reveal of that secret. Because Jon’s main arc is not the road to Targaryen kingship. It’s the road to home and family. There is only one thing in that direction that RLJ makes possible: marry a Stark. And there is nothing to be gained by Jonrya, their love was already perfect. And he probably can’t continue the Stark line by marrying Bran. Just saying.

In order for Jon’s questionable, immature thoughts about Ygritte’s murdering actions to lead anywhere at all, he will have to overcome them. The most interesting way for him to do that would be by experiencing an actual, positive love story, where he doesn’t have to be in denial about his lover’s vicious nature, and experience actual acceptance and tenderness. You know, that exotic stuff where you’re not threatened with violence, called stupid, angrily yelled at for disagreeing, being shown zero interest in the things you care about… You know, the kind where you don’t have to commit or condone murder in order to be loved. Where someone might actually, I don't know, try and pull you away from the murderous brink.

So, out of the darkness of those horrifying Jon thoughts about Ygritte, I kind of draw a lot of hope for Jon’s future.

#asoiaf speculation #asoiaf #jonsa #anti-ygritte #daenerys targaryen #jon snow #sansa stark #ygritte #my posts

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zuzuslastbraincell · 3 years

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☕ Aang.

He's a character I don't see you talk about much, so I'm curious about you thoughts on him, his character arc, what you like or dislike about him, etc.

The short answer: Love Aang. He’s great! Feel like a lot of the dislike of his character (while fading, at least in the circles I’m in) is misplaced. People who think Aang didn’t make the right end game decisions don’t understand his character / miss the point, IMO. That said, dislike some of the character decisions especially r.e. Katara/Aang.

The longer answer: I really love Aang and I feel like the hate he receives from various parts of the fandom is very unwarranted, though I wonder if it stems from watching the show as a child his age and finding his playfulness unrelatable - like as a kid I might have found it exasperating but as an adult I find it very refreshing and it is so obvious to me that Aang is A Child, it informs how he behaves and his decisions massively, and I wonder if the dislike comes from the lack of perspective and being unable to view Aang as a kid, being kids themselves when these haters watched the show?

That said, all kinds of people do dismiss Aang as immature and it frustrates me to no end, because being cynical =/= maturity, a willingness to make difficult decisions that betray deeply held beliefs =/= maturity, and Aang’s decision to stick to his beliefs should always be viewed in tandem with the context that he is a victim of genocide, that genocide includes the destruction of a culture’s common beliefs and practices too, and whether those beliefs live or die in the future starts and ends with him.

Additionally, I feel like Aang does possess a lot of emotional maturity for his age, even if he has bouts of being immature (like, normal, honestly). Like he processes his anger in a way that is largely healthy, actually? I think that’s a thing most people don’t understand, they don’t see that as part of Aang, when really Aang processes his emotions like someone who’s had very clear healthy models for it. He does feel anger, and grief. When Aang tells Katara in the southern raiders episode vengeance isn’t the way, that’s something that he’s fought hard internally to believe in, that’s something that he’s learned.

Tying into that, I think an overlooked aspect of Aang’s development is how in season 1 Aang spent a lot of time looking for Fire Nation citizens who were good / who could be good, because the idea that the Fire Nation is fundamentally evil contradicts his world view (”the monks taught us all life was sacred”), but I think that was probably a perspective he clung onto as well as a way of dealing with his grief. Like, I feel like Aang has fought hard to reaffirm his beliefs in a world that seems determined to “prove him wrong”, surrounded with characters who largely don’t share or understand them & see it as naivety because they lack perspective and have only known war / understand the brutality of the opponent they’re facing on a personal level. I think we don’t see a lot of this explicitly, it’s largely subtext and often an internal debate -- Aang doesn’t have many people to soundboard these kind of thoughts off, there’s no one who is an air nomad or of a similar kind of upbringing around.

Tbh I feel that Aang is best in season 1, largely because his developments in later seasons also incorporate his feelings about Katara as part of his general development, and if I’m just completely honest with you all, I mean no disrespect to Katara/Aang folks you’re cool in my books but I’m just not sold by it at all. For example, because Aang’s journey mastering the avatar state involves him reckoning with his earthly attachments and the idea of letting go, and that conflict revolves around his feelings for Katara, and because I am not particularly sold by Aang and Katara, that impacts on how I view that whole arc. I love a good friends to lovers arc where the depth of those feelings extends to both friendship and romance but I feel like the way ATLA writes romantic arcs often involves a character suddenly looking at another with heart eyes and very little actual bonding to justify that sudden change, very few *journeys* or *arcs* that culminate in feelings (unrelated, but this is my theory as to why Zuko is shipped with almost everyone, because he literally has several life-changing journeys with other characters at the tail end of S3), and it’s fairly unconvincing / pretty flat to me? Especially since we do not get anywhere near as much an insight into Katara’s feelings in that regard? I get that romance isn’t always a grand arc or whatever but given that it’s tied to a lot of Aang’s S2 development, I think it ought to have more prominence.

If I’m honest, I also feel like Aang’s development regarding Katara and the Avatar State was incomplete, and that made a lot of his S3 development frustrating because in other aspects I think he came into his own and matured - usually in subtle ways, like his attitude in the Southern Raiders, but also we see him from being understandably upset about having to hide his identity, to incorporate aspects of Fire Nation dress into his final late S3 look - but in that aspect, his arc felt incomplete to me? This might be a poor reading of it, but to expand on how I see it, in S2, Aang is incapable of letting go of Katara until literally the most critical moment, when he has to -- at which point, he is struck down by chance. In S3, the concept of entering into the Avatar State being a matter of difficulty is literally not mentioned, so we can presume he’s come to terms with letting go of Katara - which directly contradicts the pushy behaviour he shows in Ember Island Players, the way he ignores her boundaries? And then that’s literally never addressed, Aang never apologises, Katara and Aang never have an important conversation resolving the conflict there, and in the end Aang gets the girl? It’s frustrating.

Like, the way I see it, “letting go” of Katara shouldn’t mean putting no importance on her - I actually like the idea of Aang not being willing to leave his friends behind, his compassion and care is important in this aspect. Rather, if I were in the writer’s chair, I would have it that “letting go” means a willingness to face rejection. Aang lets go of a romantic prospect of Katara - and acknowledges she can and might reject him, and that’s always a possibility, but opens his heart to her anyway out of trust (and when they get together, it’s not because he’s proven himself worthy, but because Katara wants to be with him). I think that would have been such a monumentally *powerful* message, especially in a late 00s cartoon, prior to the likes of Adventure Time and Gravity Falls quite explicitly deconstructing the idea of the male protagonist always getting with their crush (I feel like a vital context new viewers miss r.e. Katara/Aang is that the male protagonist would always always get with the girl in cartoons, it always happened, to the extent that female characters existed as much as love interests as characters in their own rights). I honestly don’t think it would even require that much in terms of change! I might show that in S3 Aang still has difficulty with the Avatar state at times - he can go into it at will, but not always - and that’s because he’s in the process of letting Katara as a crush go. I’d still keep the kiss in Day of Black Sun - tbh, I have no issues there, he thought he’d never see her again quite possibly, he’s impulsive, it makes sense - but I’d maybe highlight a slight awkwardness afterwards. I might even keep the awful Ember Island Players conflict - but crucially, I think Aang would have to learn from this. I think when Aang might realise he’s still struggling with the Avatar state as late as Sozin’s Comet episode 1, panic, realise he needs to internalise that belief more, and I think he’d leave Katara a note - including an apology for his actions before, for pushing her when she wasn’t ready, but explaining also, that he needs to go on a journey by himself to figure this out. Rest of Sozin’s comet goes ahead as normal, more or less. I’d end with Katara, maybe at the tea shop afterwards, talking to Aang and asking him why he went off by himself, explaining that she & the gaang would be there for him, he didn’t have to go on a journey alone. Aang would explain that he didn’t expect they’d understand, they’re not monks, and Katara explaining that maybe they wouldn’t, but he could *try*, that’s a risk you sometimes take (but concedes they could have been more understanding). And I think over that conversation it hits Aang it’s not about being alone. Everything’s connected. It’s about not clinging on. it’s about being willing to lose. It’s about trust. I think by the end, they agree to try and communicate better, and Aang then asks Katara out - mirroring “Do you want to go penguin sledding with me?”, similar kind of activity. He almost tries to over-explain and say ‘listen it doesn’t have to go anywhere’ but Katara just smiles and says yeah. And they leave to go on their first real date.

Anyway that’s how I *would* have handled it and that is what I think could be an interesting and compelling arc that wouldn’t take much adjustment to add. Aang is afraid of losing Katara, and realising that he can and might lose her is important.

.... that’s way more than I intended to write but yeah. I feel like a lot of Aang’s development ties in with his feelings for Katara and that’s where I take issue.

#aang #soozenwrites

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swimyghost · 3 years

Text

Possum Chemistry

A backstory about Martha and Steve nobody asked for yet here we are. Rubi and Marie belong to @self-insert-nonsense so fuck yeah.

---

Rubi grunted as she tossed the garbage bag into the bin. She rolled his shoulder a few times before making her way back to the painting awaiting her in her studio.

He can work with dead bodies but garbage? Noooo, that's too 'unhygienic'.

She sighed. Rubi genuinely loved her husband despite all the crimes against humanity that took place in their shed on a daily basis and the aura of superiority he always liked to exude, but his lack of care for basic household chores was starting to get on her nerves.

She opened the backdoor to get back inside when he heard a pair of happy squeaks. Rubi turned her gaze behind her. In the distance was a pair of opossums happily walking side by side. One of them was considerably larger than the other and had a tired gaze while the other one had a tuft of hair in front of their eyes. The larger one suddenly ran ahead, leaving the tuff-haired possum by her lonesome. The possum disappeared into the bushes and reappeared with a fresh daisy in their mouth. A series of happy trills exploded from the other possum as they happily accepted their gift. The two briefly touched noses, causing a bashful stare between them, before they continued their walk into the forest, this time with the flower in tow.

Oh my fucking God, that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Rubi thought, her mind growing fuzzy at the idea of her husband Herbert doing something similar.

"It is, isn't it?"

Startled, Rubi leaped to the side, afraid someone had broken into her yard. Instead, she saw that a dirty blonde-haired teen was leaning over her fence, their arms crossed with their head resting between them. Several possum joeys scurried all over their worn red sweatshirt, eagerly looking at their surroundings. Rubi sighed before glaring at the teenager.

"It's not nice to scare people, Neighbor... Or read minds for that matter," Rubi said, hesitantly adding the last part of that sentence.

"I'm sorry and I can't read minds," Neighbor corrected, "I only knew what you were thinking because your face was like an open book."

Rubi blushed but Neighbor continued, "Though I have to agree with you, Martha and Steve are adorable. Yeah, they're adorable all year round but they get extra adorable on this day."

"What's today?" Rubi asked.

Carefully hopping the fence, Neighbor answered her question, "It's their anniversary. That's why I'm watching the joeys."

The aforementioned baby possums eagerly reached out to grab Rubi's black locks as she blinked in surprise. "It's their anniversary? Why didn't they tell me? I could've drawn something for them!"

If you would've told me three years ago I would be upset that I didn't know the anniversary of a pair of possums, I would've called you crazy. Rubi said internally, slowly realizing how weird the situation was. She was brought back to reality as one of the joeys yanked on her hair.

"They probably forgot and it's not my place to share their personal business so I didn't say anything," Neighbor explained.

Rubi nodded, glancing back at the forest. She wished she would have taken a picture of that moment so she could shove it in Herbert's face. Was it so wrong that she wanted her husband to be just as romantic as Steve?

"Wanna know how they got together?"

"There's a story behind that?" Rubi questioned.

"Yes, but it's long so I think you should sit down." Neighbor said.

Rubi did just that, letting herself be overwhelmed with baby possums. Neighbor took their place beside her and let out a smile.

"It took place a couple of years ago..."

---

Martha knew she wasn't young anymore. That was not implying she was ancient, but her younger sisters from an even younger litter already had begun courting some jacks while she barely found any man tolerable. Her mother had told her that she was too picky but she couldn't help it; she wanted a real man, not a scoundrel. It also didn't help that human television had ruined her idea of love. She wanted a jack to sweep her off her paws and be there to tend to her every whim. Martha knew she was being too demanding, but seeing Mr. Darcy fall deeply in love with Elizabeth after spending so long trying to be the type of snobbish man both she and Elizabeth loathed filled her heart with joy and a desire to have that type of romance.

Her mother had called her a cotton-headed fool, but Martha thought of herself as a hopeless romantic.

The jill had already made a home for herself in an old badger set, filling her home with human trinkets and flowers. Every day was the same routine: wake up either when the sun was high or when it had set and began to forage or hunt, bring the meal back home and get, go back out and forge some more, stop by the nearby creek and get a drink, see if any of the nearby humans are watching something interesting on the television, then go home. It was a simple routine, but it made her happy. The only part of her day that she dreaded was drinking from the creek.

The creek was often the gathering spot from hotheaded jacks. As most possums her age and younger were burdened with the task of single-handedly raising the joeys, she was often the lone female in a cloud of raging testosterone. She felt appalled by the sort of things they would discuss, such as having slept with multiple jills, attacking humans for the fun of it, and purposely starting fights with the possum's rivals, the raccoons. All that talk reminded her of her brother, who was single like her but it was his own decision.

That all changed one day when she met a special jack.

It was a warmer night and the sun was still barely peeking out from beyond the horizon, but Martha was rather thirsty. The heat was getting to all of the animals of the forest, including her. She decided to make a quick detour to the creek to simply drink and wash up before going to forage for grubs. Martha was careful not to be out in the open as it was dangerous for any marsupial to be seen by a predator such as a coyote or a fox. Once she reached the stream, the peaceful lull of the swift waters slapping against the rocks were shattered the high-pitched, crude laughter of nearby jacks. They situated themselves atop a nearby hill and were acting like hooligans, shoving each other and daring one another to leap into the waters below. They would occasionally tear into a vole or squirrel, letting bits of meat and blood drip from their jaws and onto the floor. Martha viewed them as savages.

The jill quickly began her descent into the creek and let the water rest on the bottom of her stomach. The chill was relaxing and even though she had to tune out the immature calls from the males above, Martha was still enjoying the refreshing sensation. As she was trying to quickly finish up her bath, she saw him.

He was an older jack, probably only a moon or two older then she was. He was much larger than the other jacks, both in size and in weight, and held a sleepy gaze the entire time he padded towards the shore across from Martha. Although he held a tired demeanor, once he plunged his muzzle into the waters, Martha could see the kindness and intellect behind his brown eyes. His lovely gray and white fur was well groomed, not like the jacks that were sneering at both him and her above the pair and other males Martha had met. He seemed so gentle, carefully sitting himself down to get the best drink he could. Martha was instantly smitten.

She kept her eyes on him longer than she intended to as he lifted his head to meet her gaze. Embarrassed, the jill dove out of the water and raced away. She could faintly hear the taunts of the other males, but the look the larger male had given her set Martha's heart ablaze. She had done it, she finally met the one she was destined to be with. Her Mr. Darcy. Her Jack Dawson. Her Rick Blaine.

But she knew she couldn't just rush these things. Human television had taught her she had to be slow, but affirmative. That's why she arrived at the same time the next day, eagerly to meet her potential suitor. She ignored the calls of the jacks who happened to appear as well and only waited for her beloved. However, despite the fact she waited almost an entire evening, he never showed up. Martha was puzzled. Perhaps he was busy doing something else? The forest was a large place after all so it wouldn't be surprising if he got caught up in other affairs. So, after having a quick bite to eat, Martha returned home hoping tomorrow would give her something different. But it was the same thing that day too. Same as the next day, and the day after that, and then the next. Five sunrises had passed and Martha still hadn't met her soulmate again. Her mother's words rang in her head: a cotton-headed fool. Perhaps she had invented the jack to fill the void in her heart. Martha was even more lonely than she started out with. On the sixth day, she decided to start her regular routine up again, although she was much more somber. When she finally reached the creek, she was surprised to see that the subject of her affections was laying across the creek nibbling on a circular human food item. It looked like bread but the jill wasn't too sure. Whatever he was eating didn't matter to her, the jack was here and she was going to make a good first impression. Well, a good second impression, Martha remembered had awkwardly fled the first time they met. She groomed herself to perfection behind a tree before stepping out. Martha tried her best to seem nonchalant yet interested at the same time, like a human jill in one of those human television programs where everyone wore fancy suits and dresses (Martha hoped to one day wear a dress as pretty as those jills wore). Martha made her way to the creek, one eye on the jack, and started to drink. Although she tried to appear uncaring, she couldn't help but grow flustered every time he laid eyes on her. It was like her body was set ablaze by the fires of passion.

This went on for several days. The jack's odd schedule never made any sense to Martha, but she loved the days when the two would sneak looks at each other from across the creek. While the forbidden love aspect was romantic at first, the invisible border between them was growing larger and larger every day. Martha was confused about the next course of action. All of the human stories told her that their relationship would form naturally but it just felt stagnant. Martha didn't wanna lose this jack. She barely knew him, yes, but that's why she wanted to get together with him, to know everything about the lovely man she had fallen in love with. That's why she had decided to turn to The Old Ways. In the Deep Forest was said to house a being older than time itself. It heard all and had the answers. All it asked for was one thing: a vegetable.

Martha, desperate for answers, found herself a wild radish and began the trek into the deep part of the forest, deeper than most animals dared to venture. The sun began to rise and she knew that predators would rise as well. The forest grew thick with ancient trees and plants twice the size of her. Every noise set her heart racing again. The scent of a fox, coyote, and other strange creatures filled her nostrils once she padded over a log that was a natural bridge over a stream. Mud caked her body and she could feel herself heaving. A cotton-headed fool was the only type of animal who would do something like this, search for a being that might not even exist. Martha thought about turning around for the several hundredth time that whole journey but she couldn't. Not after all this time.

A crack of a twig shot her back to the present. Martha dropped the radish from her jaws and let out a long hiss, but it felt fake; the exhaustion was too strong. Martha was afraid because if she needed to run, she'd be dead.

Instead of a fox or coyote, a long-legged deer with the largest antlers Martha had ever seen stepped out. He looked young, but he had an aura of wisdom that radiated off him. He was bulky, but not overly muscular. His green eyes were teeming with hidden knowledge. He lowered him to Martha's level, offering her to climb on his back. Martha eagerly scrambled onto him, making sure to grab to radish before they took off. The deer didn't run, more liked glided across the forest floor. Leaves were kicked up in the air and floated around them like dancers. Martha was amazed by how bright everything suddenly became once they reached a circular pond surrounded by mossy trees and stones. The deer lowered itself, letting Martha slide off his back. Her body moved on autopilot. She walked towards to edge of the bottomless pool of water, dropped the radish in, and waited.

What is your question, marsupial? A voice erupted from the ground.

Martha leaped back in terror. Was it a monster? After a few moments, the rumbling stopped and carefully crept back to the edge and asked her question.

Your love will blossom only if the boundaries are shattered and words are spoken. Gazes hold little to the power of speech. That is all.

The voice disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Martha was left with more questions than answers but the strange deer already has lowered back down, signaling it was time to go. Martha more hesitantly crept back on and the deer took off once more. The possum watched the unusual pond until it disappeared from sight. Martha noticed it had become dark and was surprised to see the moon and the stars. She wanted to ask the deer if time had really passed so fast but felt like she was already messing with something beyond her understanding.

The deer stopped at a certain point in the forest as if it were blocked by an invisible force. The jill thanked the deer, stepped off, and made her way home. It was midnight when she finally reached her den. Too exhausted to bother with appearances, Martha collapsed in her nest of moss and ferns. The only thing on the jill's mind was going to see the jack of her dreams. She would go to the creek once she did two things: make herself look presentable and find him a gift. Once she awoke to the sun high in the sky, only then did she notice a faint glow around her. Martha was worried, but not worried enough to miss her chance. She didn't care if she was a cotton-headed fool or blinded by love, Martha was going to make him her's and become his jill. After savaging around, she found a strange human food item by their silver cans of waste. A folded-over piece of flatbread with cheese, meats, and other cut vegetables. The scent made her mouth water, but she grabbed it and rushed over to the creek. She was ready to cross when someone strange was standing by her usual spot.

It was the jack, equally as well-groomed as she was and holding a gift, a branch covered it ripe wild berries. He too had the odd glow around him as well.

The two stared at each other. Martha's heart was pounding. Everything was perfect; the sounds of the creek, the sunlight cutting through the tree branches, the lack of anyone else, animal or human. It was perfect, all of it was. She just needed to step forward. However, the jack moved up first, setting the branch down and nosing it toward her. Martha nearly fainted on the spot.

The two began to talk. Well, Martha spent most of the time talking. The jack, who she learned was named Steve (a wonderful name for such a handsome man), was a quiet soul but every time he spoke it was with purpose and he always added something to the conversation. Martha learned that his strange schedule was due to his strange sleep affliction in which he often found himself unable to sleep but when he could, would sleep for a long time. Steve had asked if she disliked him now. Martha was surprised as she had no reason to dislike him, he was perfect in her eyes. After their several hours-long chat, they simply sat pressed against each other, watching the water run by.

This became a common occurrence as the days slipped into weeks and into months. The time spent together was wonderful and Martha wanted it to last forever. However, spring had come after fall and winter became almost like a distant memory when she learned of her pregnancy. jills always knew when they were expecting, Martha's mother told her, and Martha was no different. All the signs had been there. The only problem she had was with Steve. It wasn't technically Steve, but males of the possum species had little to do with their babies. The jacks on creek's hill had all had babies but did nothing for them. Instead, they chase the next pretty face they saw. Martha knew it was selfish, but she wanted to stay with Steve. She didn't want him to leave her. So, despite wanting to see him, she decided to stay home and prepare a nest. Although her babies would go into her pouch and stay there for two and a half moons, she felt it necessary to be ready for anything. Besides, she needed to keep her mind off of Steve.

But the day soon came where she needed to visit him. She knew it wasn't fair for Steve to be left in the dark, especially since none of this was entirely his fault. So, on a calm spring morning, Martha nervously made the trek to the creek. Of course, Steve was waiting for her. He had been waiting for her all this time. The usually rational and collected Steve began to fret over the expecting mother, worried that something had happened to her. Martha's heart broke when she saw the worry in his eyes. Finally, once both of them all calmed down, Martha began to speak. She told him about the pregnancy, how far along she was, and her fears. She told him how she dreamed of meeting a man just like him and how she was so afraid to lose him. However, Martha told him that she couldn't make him stay and that, if he wanted to leave, he could and that she wouldn't hold it against him. Silence filled the clearing. All Martha could feel was his gaze on her. Her breathing grew louder but she tried to remain calm.

Suddenly, Steve pressed himself against Martha. Although he didn't say anything, the message was clear. Steve was going to stay, no matter what. Martha let out several happy squeaks and trills and buried her muzzle in his fur. Even Steve let out a couple of excited chirps. Once the two pulled away, the pair touched their noses together, excitedly waiting to see what the future held for the both of them.

---

"Wait, why was their love forbidden? And I never thought you'd be so... Detailed." Rubi said once the story came to a close.

"Well, blame Martha," Neighbor explained. "She's the one who always said it was forbidden because of the symbolism of them being split by the creek or whatever. Personally, I'm just happy Steve stayed. Martha is such a happy possum and I'd be sad to see her sad."

"Me too." Rubi agreed, stroking the back of a black-tufted joey.

As if it was their cue, Steve and Martha slipped under the fence with Martha calling out to her babies. The joeys let go of Rubi and Neighbor and eagerly rushed towards their parents. Steve didn't make any noise as his children began to climb all over him. Martha chirped at Rubi and Neighbor, seemingly smiling at them.

"What did she say?" The older woman asked.

"Martha says thank you for watching her babies and that it was a wonderful anniversary. They have to go home though, it's growing late for the joeys." Neighbor translated.

The possums said their goodbyes (according to Neighbor) and left the yard. Neighbor stood up and stretched.

"I need to go home too. Mom's making a pot roast tonight. Don't you have to take care of Marie?"

"Marie's with her grandmother," Rubi said, waving to Neighbor. "Have a good dinner! Thank you for the story."

"It’s no big deal. Later."

With a quick hop over the fence, Neighbor was gone. Rubi took this time to enter the shed. It was covered with science equipment and tools such as hammers and bone saws, but Rubi already knew how to maneuver around the well-lit area. Her black-haired husband didn't look up from his work, but already knew who it was.

"Hello, dear. What did you do today?"

"Painted mostly," Rubi said, wrapping her arms around Herbert's neck in a loose hug. "With Marie gone, it's easier to work without having to worry about her eating something."

"Well, that's certainly a plus," Herbert said, glancing up at Rubi before looking back down at the dull gray-skinned body in front of him.

"It was also Steve and Martha's anniversary today. Neighbor told me the story of how they met."

"Martha?" Herbert quickly looked up after hearing the name of his favorite possum. "Is she upset with me?"

"No, she and Steve didn't tell us and they weren't upset when I saw them. They looked very happy, actually."

"That's good. I was afraid I needed to whip up a hastily made gift for them." Herbert sighed in relief.

Rubi made a noncommittal hum, making circles with her finger around her husband's collar bone. "Herbert."

"Yes, dear?"

"I wanna have another baby."

"Well, I think that can certainly be arran- Wait, what?"

#oc x canon #fanfic

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shannen-writes · 4 years

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Ranking the Halliwell sisters from least to most favourite

Charmed is one of my all time favourite shows and the sisters 4 of my favourite characters. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige are so complex and dynamic. They’re written as real women that are flawed and relatable and that’s why the show continues to have so many loyal fans to this day. Since I’ve grown up watching the show, my ranking of the sisters has changed a lot over the years. As I’ve gone through various stages of my life I’ve related to different aspects of the sisters’ lives and personalities, and even today I’m constantly finding a new appreciation and admiration for the sisters. However, my ranking has stayed pretty much the same now for the last few years, so I wanted to share it with you all. So without further ado here is my ranking of the Halliwell sisters starting with my least favourite and ending with my most favourite.

Warning: There’s no hate featured in this post towards any of the sisters, but it is a critical analysis, so be warned that you may dislike some parts, particularly if you’re deeply attached to any of the characters.

4. Piper

I love Piper’s strength and compassion. Her transformation into the Goddness of Earth in Oh My Goddess perfectly embodied Piper’s character for me; how down to earth she was and how her power came from her motherhood and care-giving spirit. In the early seasons, Piper was driven by a desire to please others and was conflict adverse. I deeply related to Piper as someone that struggled to be heard and to strike a balance between her desire to avoid conflict and being assertive, which we saw in Coyote Piper. Piper knew what she wanted but didn’t always know how to get it. Piper’s place as the middle sister in seasons 1-3 was a defining aspect of her character and shaped her passive nature in the early seasons. She was the mediator between Prue and Phoebe, and this meant that she was often more open-minded and less stubborn than her sisters. She was able to see both sides of a story and approach situations with empathy and understanding. Piper felt stifled by the big, bold personalities of her sisters and compared herself to them. She felt that she wasn’t as brave, pretty, charismatic, smart, powerful or talented as Prue and Phoebe; that she was ordinary. This lack of confidence she had in herself and her abilities led her to subconsciously become passive in a lot of situations and to also resent her powers throughout the series. Her ordinary-ness made her feel like she belonged in an ordinary world and therefore, she struggled to accept her magic and the extraordinary-ness that went with it.

However, Piper developed over the series and changed a lot. Her love life was a significant aspect of her development. In seasons 1 and 2, Leo and Dan choosing Piper over her sisters boosted Piper’s confidence and made her realise that she wasn’t inferior to her sisters. Whilst she was generally passive in seasons 1 and 2, when she finally made the choice to be with Leo, it was the first step of her finding her true voice and not being afraid to use it. Despite it being a forbidden love, she loved Leo so much that she believed he was worth fighting for. Losing him at the start of season 3, altered her passive nature signficantly. She became angry and bitter and was determined to fight for the man she loved. Piper reacted to this loss in a much different way than she would’ve in season 1, and even after getting Leo back, she was forever changed by it. It was a turning point for her through which she learned that being a nice, good little girl and playing by the rules didn’t always bring rewards. Generally, Piper’s relationship with Leo also helped Piper to become more determined and confident. Leo had a deep understanding of Piper and knew how to support and nurture her so that she continued to grow in confidence and see her strengths.

After season 3, Piper went through a string of life-changing events which took her character down an entirely new path. She lost Prue, became the eldest sister, lost Phoebe to evil, became a mother and lost Leo (again!). These 5 events impacted Piper’s character significantly transforming her from the Piper of seasons 1-3 into a very different Piper. Whilst the core of Piper’s character remained, the trauma associated with these events and the huge changes she underwent led her to become more hardened, cynical, untrusting, callous and bitter. Her perception of the world and of right and wrong became much more black and white, she became more stubborn, less sensitive and more determined. Her passiveness with traded for assertiveness, her aversion to conflict for combativeness, her lack of confidence for arrogance, her open-mindedness for closed-mindedness and her apparent lack of power to ultimate power.

Piper is a brilliant character with organic and authentic development. The trauma she endured was marked by the signifiant changes in her character and personality in the later seasons, but the core of her character was maintained no matter how much she changed. The reason Piper is at the bottom of this ranking is because I have a few small issues with her character. Firstly, I feel like she was sometimes pushed too much into Prue territory. As the eldest sister, the writers forced Piper to adopt similar characteristics to Prue and it didn’t always fit. It was to be expected that she’d change, and that her insecurity about her ability to take on the role as the eldest sister would lead her to behave more like Prue. But ultimately, Piper was her own person and there was a way for her to become the eldest sister without becoming Prue 2.0. Secondly, Piper’s character was over-shadowed by Leo, Wyatt and Chris. Whilst I liked her relationship with Leo and appreciated the exploration of motherhood that we got in seasons 4-8, it sometimes stifled Piper’s character and the focus on Leo, Wyatt and Chris forced Piper to be a supporting character in her own story. Thirdly, her arc in the later seasons became repetitive with the same issues with parenting, Leo and her desire to “be normal” arising time and time again, despite them having already been resolved in previous episodes and seasons. Finally, certain traits were amplified at her detriment. I’m as much a fan of Piper’s sarcasm and wit as anybody, but after a while it became spiteful and mean. Repeatedly blowing up Leo, telling Billie she’d vanquish her and straight up disrespecting the Elders because she wasn’t “not a fan” of their rules are just few examples that come to mind.

Overall, I love Piper and appreciate how much she developed across the series, but I love the other sisters so much, that these few issues that I have with her character are enough to place her at the bottom of my ranking. I think that serves as a testament to how much love I have for the Halliwell sisters!

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3. Phoebe

I absolutely adore Phoebe and the amount of hate that she seems to get from the fandom feels like such a huge injustice to the incredible woman that she is. I love Phoebe’s passionate, free-spirit; the way she wore her heart on her sleeve, was always true to herself, fiercely loyal, devoted and passionate. She had a wild side, but was also deeply grounded and I believe, was the heart of the show (despite Piper being commonly regarded as such). Of all the sisters she undoubtedly underwent the most growth and Phoebe’s story was by far the most inspiring to me. She faced a lot of judgement and doubt in the early seasons (particularly from Prue), but she never let that dampen her spirit. She found the courage and strength to go back to college and find her path in life, she lost herself to one of the darkest loves that existed and found a way back from it and generally endured a lot of trauma, but somehow always found the strength to go on. What’s even more incredible about that, is that she always maintained her core self. Even when she was at her lowest, she had a strong sense of who she was and was true to herself. That’s not to say that she didn’t change because she did, but considering how dark a path she trod at certain points in the series, the fact that she remained the optimistic, big-hearted and compassionate soul that she’d always been was a huge testament to her character.

It’d be impossible to talk about Phoebe without touching upon her relationship with Cole and her arc in seasons 3-5. Falling in love with Cole was a huge turning point for Phoebe’s character, and over the years I’ve repeatedly seen her get slammed for it by fans. However, Phoebe’s relationship with Cole encompassed everything that Phoebe was and made sense for her character. It showed her recklessness, impulsivity and naivety when it came to love, but also allowed her to develop a maturity and fresh perspective that she perhaps wouldn’t have if she hadn’t met Cole. She threw herself unreservedly into her relationship with Cole because Phoebe was a romantic and she believed wholeheartedly in love. The relationship was far from perfect; Phoebe developed blinkers and was often too wrapped in Cole at the detriment of other aspects of her life, but the relationship was pivotal for Phoebe. As the youngest sister, she started the series as much more naive and immature than her sisters, but her relationship with Cole and the life experience it gave her set her on a new path. She learned to guard her heart and be more cautious when it came to love, she also took the time after her break-up with Cole to focus on herself and her career and to find new loves that weren’t necessarily romantic. Her job as an advice columnist allowed her to find an outlet and expression for her love of love by helping others to find love. And despite the hurt she endured at Cole’s hands, she never truly gave up on finding love herself and her pursuit of love remained at the center of Phoebe’s arc throughout the series. This is why Coop being Phoebe’s final love interest made so much sense - they were both driven by finding love, whether for themselves or others.

In addition to her pursuit of love, a desire for a family and children was also central to Phoebe’s arc, particularly in the later seasons. On a personal level, I disliked this development because I couldn’t relate to it as someone that doesn’t want to marry or have children. However, appreciate that for Phoebe it made sense. From the start of the series, she was depicted as someone that was good with children and had a maternal instinct, which we saw in episodes such as Reckless Abandon and Awakened. Furthermore, the loss of her child at the end of season 4 undoubtedly left behind a pain that was the catalyst for Phoebe’s fixation on having children in the later seasons. In season 5, we saw her fawn over Wyatt and act as a motherly figure, which was likely a projection of her grief from the loss of her own child. After seeing a premonition of her future child, Phoebe became obsessed with finding the father of her future child to ensure her child would be born. I strongly disliked this arc, but it was understandable given the fact that Phoebe had lost a child previously. Just as Piper went on a journey to becoming a mother in seasons 4 and 5, Phoebe went on her own journey. It wasn’t a well-written or developed journey, but a journey nonetheless, and I appreciated it as part of Phoebe’s story.

The reason Phoebe is only third in this ranking, is because as much as I can objectively appreciate her arc and development, I didn’t like it and I think that it was an injustice to the incredible things that could’ve been done with her character. Many would claim that Cole destroyed Phoebe, and I disagree with that, because it’s much more complex. It’s an oxymoron of sorts; the relationship developed her growth but also hindered it. Whilst the experiences she had provided her with perspective and wisdom, Phoebe’s inability to deal with the aftermath of the events in season 4 hindered her from truly moving forward from Cole or the trauma of becoming Queen of the Underworld and her miscarriage. Phoebe never faced up to what had happened or tried to get closure, choosing instead to runaway, as we saw in A Witch’s Tail. This meant that her relationship with Cole in season 5 became even more dysfunctional and added further to her existing trauma from season 4. Outwardly, during this time Phoebe was building herself back up and developing her career, but ultimately, Cole was always hanging over her head and by the time it was finished with she was exhausted and just wanted to shut it away and pretend it never happened. This is understandable, but as I said at the start of this paragraph, it prevented her from healing. Consequently, every part of Phoebe’s journey post season 5 was still dictated by her history with Cole. In seasons 6-8 everything Phoebe went into became an obsession - whether it was finding love, her romantic relationships, having children or her career - and those obsessions can all be explained by her experiences in season 4 and 5.

Overall, Phoebe’s external development was more significant than her internal development. Externally, her development across the seasons was the most tangible - she started the series as an unemployed “wild child” with only a bicycle and backpack of clothes and ended with a highly successful career, loving partner and the family that she longed for. However, internally, she never truly developed because of the poor way the aftermath of her relationship with Cole was handled in season 5. Despite this, I appreciated that as a modern woman, Phoebe was portrayed as wanting a husband and children whilst still being a powerful, independent woman with a successful career. I also love Phoebe for who she was as a person. I love her vibrancy, charisma, passion and energy. She was a colourful character and anybody that met her couldn’t do anything but adore her.

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2. Paige

What I love most about Paige is that she feels like the most unique of the sisters, which was most likely because she was adopted and wasn’t raised with the other sisters. Paige was so quirky, individual, stylish, independent, witty, intelligent, talented, driven and conscientious. I’ve always felt that out of all the sisters she’s the most underrated and was given less opportunity to shine throughout the series. Paige underwent genuine growth that’s understated but beautiful. Every flaw or issue that Paige had was explored, addressed and resolved. Some examples of her growth include:

Her fear of magic and reluctance to become a witch transformed into a genuine passion and flair for witchcraft which she perceived to be a blessing

Her resistance to her biological family members (e.g. Penny and Sam) because she felt it was a betrayal to her adopted family eventually softened to give way to open-mindedness and acceptance

Her denial of her whitelighter half grew to become her greatest calling and a core part of her identity and heritage which she took pride in

Her struggle to fit into the Halliwell clan ended with her becoming an integral part of the family and the reason that they were able to survive after Prue’s death

Paige consistently confronted her issues head on and grew as a consequence. She embraced every aspect of herself, her life and her past, and saw them as opportunities to grow. This quote from Paige in Sam I Am (which is one of my favourites), really shows this:

“When you gave me up, you made a choice that gave me the most amazing gift. See, I got to have these tremendous parents and we loved each other fiercely. And now I have this whole new life with my sisters. I choose to be a witch. I could’ve walked away but I didn’t. And now I’m a Whitelighter to boot.”

In comparison to the other sisters, I found the nuances of Paige’s character so interesting. When she was introduced in season 4 there was so much to learn about her, and episodes like A Paige from the Past showed how much potential Paige had in those early days. She brought a fresh perspective and dynamic to the show which stemmed from the fact that she was raised in a completely different environment from her sisters. She wasn’t afraid to challenge the sisters pre-conceived notions or to propose new ways of doing things - a Haiku spell is one of many instances that show Paige’s innovative mind and creative flair - and strongly believed in her ideas and judgement. She was self-assured and confident in a way that enabled her to be efficient and which motivated her in everything that she did. Despite her differences from the sisters that stemmed from being raised with the Matthews, she still had incredible instincts as a witch and had an innate Halliwell-ness which solidified her as a Charmed One. This too added to the nuances of Paige’s character because she was always straddling a duality - Halliwell and Matthews, witch and whitelighter. At various points throughout the series she felt like she had to choose between these aspects of her personality and commit to just one - Halliwell or Matthews; witch or whitelighter - but over time, she realised that this duality was part of her and was a blessing rather than a curse.

All of the sisters were dedicated, but Paige stood out to me as always being wholly dedicated to everything she did. She didn’t always know her path but whatever she tried, she threw herself into completely. Her dedication to her witchcraft, in particular, was inspiring. Paige went further than any of the other sisters (except Prue) in perfecting her craft and trying to be the best witch she could possibly be. She studied the craft, wrote new spells, practised perfecting spells that she couldn’t do (e.g. the conjuring spell), devoted herself to innocents and took her role as a witch very serious. Paige was resistant to her magic in the first few episodes of season 4, but fully embraced it later on. She was the only sister that genuinely loved being a witch consistently. Even when things got tough, she never wished away her powers, because she found purpose and joy in them. Perhaps this stemmed from the fact that Paige had a more challenging life than the sisters. Although Prue, Piper and Phoebe weren’t raised by their parents, they had a strong parental figure in Grams into their 20s and always had each other. In comparison, Paige lost her parents when she was still a teenager and seemed to have nobody else to support her. She also blamed herself for her parents death, which means that emotionally she was not only dealing with grief and loneliness when they died but also blame, regret and self-loathing. I believe that this is why Paige viewed her magic as a gift rather than a burden, and why she continued to flourish as a witch throughout the seasons.

Paige’s arc and development, overall, was not necessarily the best of the sisters, but in terms of her development in particular episodes or seasons, it was brilliant. Her centric episodes are some of my favourites from the series - A Knight to Remember, A Paige from the Past, Sam I Am and Centennial Charmed - and each execute fantastic plots and character development for Paige. Her arc in season 5 was incredible. In my opinion, there is no other character arc across the eight seasons that was executed as well as this one. Giving up her job and devoting herself to being a full-time witch was the beginning of a new chapter of her journey. Not only did she grow as a witch in her abilities, skills and instincts, but she solidified herself within the Halliwell fold and showed how integral she was, particularly in Centennial Charmed and Y Tu Mummy Tabien. She supported her sisters - Piper in becoming a mother and Phoebe in her separation from Cole - and various aspects of her character were explored such as her inferiority complex with Prue, her relationship with Sam, her whitelighter half, her difficulty in overcoming her natural independence to work together with her sisters and finding her place in the world. Season 5 did an excellent job at building on what we’d learned about Paige in season 4 whilst also developing her organically. She was the new sister in season 4, but in season 5 it felt like it’d be impossible to imagine Charmed without her.

Despite this great development Paige underwent in seasons 4 and 5, she was unfortunate enough that half of her time on the show was during the weakest seasons, and she suffered for that. After season 5 there was no further exploration of her past which massively disappointed me (I’ll still never get over the fact that in Charmed Again she mentioned that she had a problem with alcoholism that was never explored), and she got trapped in a cycle of the same arcs. Whilst Piper got stuck with “I want a normal life” arc and Phoebe got stuck with the “I want to find love” arc, Paige got stuck with the “I don’t know what to do with my life” arc. In season 6, it made sense that she’d resort to working temp jobs. After having spent season 5 as a full-time witch, she realised that she needed more in her life and temp jobs were a way for her to explore that and get a variety of experiences outside of magic. However, it seemed that Paige didn’t ever break out of that cycle and continued stumbling through life trying to find the right path. She was thrust into Magic School, which wasn’t particularly the best choice for her character and then her whitelighter arc was haphazardly thrown in towards the end of the series. It always frustrated me, because Paige dedicating more of her time to being a whitelighter made perfect sense for her character, but it wasn’t developed properly and felt like a disservice to her. I also felt that Paige had already found a great career in season 4 as a social worker, so it didn’t make sense to me that she never returned to that. Furthermore, I didn’t like how Paige’s journey ended in season 8 with her being married and having children. Paige was great with kids - we saw proof of this with Wyatt and Chris - but having kids was something that Paige never particularly wanted from her life. She was the one sister that didn’t express any desire to have children and didn’t seem particularly maternal. Also on a personal level, it would’ve been nice if at least one of the sisters’ happy ending hadn’t been the usual cliche of being married with kids. That aside, it didn’t necessarily feel true to Paige’s character for her to be a mother. I felt that she would’ve been contented to be married to Henry, dedicated to her duties as a witch and whitelighter and babysitting her nieces and nephews as their cool Aunt Paige.

Although I don’t like the way Paige’s story ended and feel that her character was let down, I still think she’s an incredible character that underwent immense growth. Despite being the sister that got the least amount of focus throughout the series, she always stood out to me in terms of her characterisation and development. It was so strong in seasons 4 and 5 that it’s almost irrelevant that I dislike the path she went down in seasons 6-8. Her season 5 arc alone is enough to give her the second spot in this ranking. But the reason I love Paige is so much more than that. I relate to her in terms of her independence, search for purpose in her life and desire to help others, and I admire her dedication and motivation in everything she did. Paige is the sort of character that I not only relate to, but also find inspirational.

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1. Prue

Now we come to my favourite sister (and one of my favourite characters of all time period): Prue Halliwell. Anybody that follows my main will know that I’m in love with Prue, so it’s going to be hard to analyse her character properly and not just gush about how much I love her. I think Prue is a phenomenal character with a well-executed arc which comes full circle, despite ending prematurely. I love Prue’s strength, determination, confidence, drive, ambition and courage. Her characterisation was consistent and strong throughout seasons 1-3 and she was lucky enough to have lots of great centric episodes which explored her character in-depth. In the pilot I felt that Prue was established as the most unlikeable sister - the older, domineering, bossy, cold, hardened sister that always took charge and berated her younger sisters for their mistakes. That legacy remains today and I still see fans often discussing how much they dislike Prue or how they were glad she died. But Prue was so. much. more. than. that. Every flaw that Prue had was explored to provide a full understanding of why she was the way she was. She was traumatised by the death of her mother (From Fear to Eternity, P3 H2O and Death Takes a Halliwell), had severe abandonment issues because of her father (Thank You for Not Morphing and We All Scream for Ice Cream) and was forced to adopt a parental role as the eldest sister in the absence of her parents. Her seriousness, critical nature and stiff-upper lip mentality all stemmed from this and was not a natural part of who she was, as we saw in Which Prue is it Anyway? and Just Harried. It was what she had to become to deal with her trauma and fulfil the role that was thrust on her shoulders at such a young age. Prue’s journey was about breaking free from that role that she’d become trapped in and discovering her true self outside of being the eldest sister and protector.

In season 1, the nuances of Prue’s character were immediately explored. In Thank You For Not Morphing, her resentment towards Victor for abandoning her and her sisters was explored, and the armour she wore as a protective shield became clear. Prue was naturally guarded because she felt that was what was necessary to protect herself and her sisters. Later on in the season, Prue’s experience with Barbas in From Fear to Eternity tapped into Prue’s trauma about Patty’s death which caused her to emotionally distance herself from her sisters and prevented here from being able to say “I love you”. Throughout season 1, Prue’s strained relationship with Phoebe addressed the aspects of Prue’s personality that could be regarded as unlikeable. Phoebe acted as the direct voice of many viewers, perceiving Prue to be over-bearing, judgemental, critical and rigid. By repeatedly confronting and challenging Prue on her behaviours, certain barriers were broken down and by The Power of Two, Prue and Phoebe’s relationship finally became one of sisters rather than mother and daughter. Her relationship with Andy was the polar of her relationship with Phoebe and showed her more vulnerable side and capacity to love. Although the relationship wasn’t plain sailing, her vulnerability was clear and showed a new side to Prue. Andy’s death at the end of the season was a huge turning point for her character. Losing the man she loved, particularly when she still carried the trauma of Patty’s death, was significant for Prue and once again shattered the stereotype that Prue was cold and unfeeling.

By the time season 2 rolled around, Prue was still reeling from Andy’s death and struggling to continue her duties as a witch, believing that their magic only brought death to their loved ones. It would’ve been easy for Prue to give up, but she found the courage and strength to continue on. Not only that, but she devoted herself heart and soul to being a witch, despite feeling that it was what had killed Andy. This was the season where the lighter, fun side of Prue began to show more. When she decided to quit her job at Bucklands and pursue a career in photography, an entirely new part of Prue’s journey began. Prue decided it was time to let go of her old life - the life she’d been living when she was forced to be the big sister - and live a life for herself. Despite her desire to live more freely and indulge herself more, the core of Prue’s character remained and she was in constant battle between her head and heart (or id and ego, as Just Harried showed). This innate battle between who she felt she should be and who she truly was, was central to Prue’s character. She wanted to let go of the past and the person she had been forced to become after Patty’s death and Victor’s abandonment, but she didn’t know how. Prue had been defined for so long by her role as the eldest sister that she didn’t know who she was outside of that. Some intrinsic part of her also believed that it was her solemn duty to protect Piper and Phoebe, and that to ensure their safety she had to sacrifice her happiness. Prue was essentially trapped in a self-inflicted prison of sorts as a result of her trauma, and seasons 2 and 3 were about her trying to break free from that prison.

One of the things I love most about Prue was her dedication to being a witch. Prue was by far the most devoted and talented witch out of the sisters. Whilst Paige’s inferiority complex towards her wasn’t necessary, it wasn’t unfounded. It made sense for Paige to feel inferior considering how much Prue was able to accomplish as a witch whilst also holding down a full-time job at Bucklands and later launching a new career in photography. Prue was fiercely hard-working and devoted in everything she did, and being a witch was no different. Like Paige, she never questioned being a witch, the exception being when Andy died. Prue didn’t agonise over the reasons why, she accepted being a witch and embraced it. She took her duty to protect the innocent very seriously and never strayed from that core principle. Prue set the precedence for her sisters when it came to being a witch and was committed to ensuring that they never strayed from the correct path. This is why it was very fitting that she died protecting an innocent. It was the only way for Prue to die, since that was her ultimate calling in life, even above her dream to be a photographer or position as the eldest sister.

This doesn’t even cover half of Prue’s development or arcs across the three seasons she was on the show, but to cover it in full would take a lifetime. The overall message here is that Prue’s development was by far the most superior and consistent of all the sisters. Prue had the luxury of having more focus in seasons 1-3 than Piper or Phoebe and this resulted in her being the most fleshed out and complex character, not only in terms of her characterisation and arcs, but also her powers and magical abilities. Although Piper and Phoebe were the longest standing sisters, Prue’s character still out-shines them for the three seasons that she was on the show. Furthermore, whilst I can pick fault with the direction Piper, Phoebe and Paige went in or elements of their story or power development that I disliked, I can’t with Prue. I’m fully onboard with everything that was done with her character and how she was written. She was flawed but every single flaw was justified and understandable, and every aspect of her characterisation was beautifully explored and provided absolute clarity on who Prue was. Even her death, although shocking and sudden, made perfect sense and encompassed the tragedy of Prue’s life, which was that she was always destined to follow in her mother’s footsteps.

“Every single day, I feel like I'm becoming more and more like her and everyday it terrifies me. I mean, don't you guys see it? Look at what happened to her and then look what's happening to me. No successful relationship with guys, being responsible for a family, now because of being this charmed thing, the very real possibility of dying young. It's like history is repeating itself.”

Overall, I love Prue with every fibre of my being. I acknowledge that she was a flawed character, but in regards to her development, I can’t fault it. It was wonderfully written and her characterisation was consistent and authentic. I love Prue because I relate to how she’s emotionally closed and struggles to overcome that, her responsibility as the eldest sister, the abandonment of her father, her struggle to let go and have fun and the way she finds comfort and security in responsibility and sensibleness. Of all the sisters, she’s the one that feels the most real to me. Since I was a little girl, I have been inspired by Prue and have looked up to her. She’s the only sister whose story was never about love - even when she was with Andy - it was always about her journey. I appreciate the ways in which the traumas she endured shaped who she became as an adult, how she struggled to accept that and tried to heal from it to become a better, happier and healthier version of herself. I admire her determination, devotion, courage and absolute fierceness. I also admire how she always strived to protect her family and strived to do better and be better. All in all I love pretty much everything about Prue.

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That concludes my ranking of the Halliwell sisters. I could’ve wrote more about each of the sisters because they’re all such well-written and complex characters, but the purpose of this post was to explore the facets of their characterisation and development that I like and dislike to explain the reasoning for my ranking. In the end, regardless of which sister is ranked first or last, I love each of them and they will forever hold a place in my heart as the first inspirational female role models I saw on TV.

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed reading this, I’d love to know how you’d rank the Halliwell sisters and why?

#charmed #prue halliwell #piper halliwell #phoebe halliwell #paige matthews #charmed meta #meta #tv #tv meta #mine #mine: charmed #mine: meta #mine: tv

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5sosbitchfest · 4 years

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We had an Anon write in with some interpretations of a tarot card reading she did. I thought I’d share it with y’all as she took a lot of time to write this down. I know NOTHING about tarot cards. I cannot vouch for the validity of any of this nor am I saying it’s all a pile of hogwash. I did enjoy reading this and wondering “what if?” As I always say, read if you wish but take it “with a grain of salt.” Thanks so much to the anon for sharing.

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So, this is going to take forever, as a reading can carry a lot of information, and you might want more ‘practical’ details too, about how are done. But I’ll try my best to be both synthetic and precise.

First things first, you can only get a proper reading if you believe and trust the cards to bring you the answers. If you don’t take it seriously it won’t work. What I usually do is to take a moment to empty my head, breathe and then focus on the question I’m asking. While I do so, I shuffle the cards until I sense it’s the good moment to draw the cards.

For both reading the question was “What is going to be the love future of Mystal/Lierra?”. I try to be as neutral and unbiased as possible (which is the hardest part), not wanting or expecting anything in the answer. I draw four cards, that I put in a line (not in a cross like some do), which gives a general answer.

My tarot deck is a very common and cheap one, but I like it, it’s been with me for a long time and I trust it. It has a few particularities. The minor arcana doesn’t have sense, there’s no difference between a card upward and downward. This means the interpretation are wider and sometime more difficult. The major arcana has a sense though.

· I’ll start with Mystal reading. It was a quite precise and detailed, the reading went rather good no blockage or anything. The four cards (from left to right, and in order of picking) were: Queen of Coins, King of Cups, Queen of Sword and the Fool.

Very interesting from the beginning! All the cards are precise character: female, male, female, male. Two couples. The first couple is on left of the reading and both looking at the left (the eyes of the characters drawn on the picture) – left is associated with what is known, the past. The second couple is on the right of the reading and both looking at the right too –the unknown, the future. I see it the first couple presenting Mystal as is was /is, the past, the history, the built up to where they are now. The second couple is their future.

The past and the future are in opposition. The future won’t be in the same line as the past, there will be changes. In both case we have the two characters, not really matching, which could mean Crystal and Michael didn’t see their relationship in the same light or put the same value in it. And that will still be true, they don’t want to evolve in the same way.

Now for the details, card by card. Queen of Coins. This figure is kind of the “business women”. She is the symbol of material richness. She like abundance and luxury. Her noble status is due to long efforts that she can now enjoy and share. She builds or wants to build something long-lasting, a legacy. She cares deeply for the appearance and her social status. To me it is the perfect representation of Crystal’s path to where she is now.

King of Cups. The loving king, he is compassionate and tolerant, tender and benevolent. He is looking for stable relationship, based on love and respect. He protects the one he cares about. Could totally fit Michael’s description and what he was looking for when he met Crystal.

Queen of Sword. (This kind of made me crackled. This was a specifically love-targeted reading, and there’s barely any card in my deck that has less to do with love than the Queen of Sword.) This lady is methodical and rational, cold and analytical. She makes decisions and doesn’t ask for others’ opinions. She doesn’t play well in teams. She places her job, before any form of sentiment. In complex situations, she’s the one to take distance, she comes independent. She knows well how to speak and to manipulate.

The Fool. The fool is a symbol of liberty. Full of youth and energy, he goes along his own path, kind of merry-go-lucky. In my deck, the fool is also playing a cord instrument (There’s no accident in the cards). In this specific reading, I see it as the realization that something needs to change. He wants something new, life has become boring or heavy, he needs to seek new horizons, new things in general. It could potentially be a splitting, but not necessarily. With the other card, I would say it’s a break, a pause. A moment to create, to do music, maybe to party too?

There is tension. They don’t want the same thing. Crystal sees it, but she has worked hard to get what she has now. She wants to keep it, to secure it, even at the expense of being manipulative, cold, and/or authoritative. Michael wants to try new things, to have fun, to shake things up, but he might not be ready to give up on his hope to have a long and stable relationship with her. So they may have a temporary break. Spend some time on their own. But I have to stress that for now, I don’t see any official, definitive break-up.

· Lierra’s reading was much blurrier. (Also I was getting a little tired and unfocused… so, yeah.) The cards took a loooong shuffle before they were ready for the reading. This could mean the situation is complex, not very clear. The cards (from left to right, and in order of picking) were: 4 of Cups, 3 of Coins, Page of Coins and 3 of Cups. Very few iconography, not much material, a lot of ‘vague’ / ‘concept’ cards. It was definitely harder for me to get the meaning of it. And no general meaning that flashed at me right away.

So let’s go card by card. 4 of cups. Very related to romance (cool, that the topic), means something very stable, in the sense that it is not changing at all. It could have a positive meaning, but it’s also commonly associated with routine and boredom. And with the other cards, I think it’s this last meaning at work here.

3 of Coins. This card is very much relating to work. I guess, here, it could mean mixing love and work. From the energy of the card, I didn’t see it as relating to the past, but more as taking action to mix and maybe balance these two aspects more. Seeing it right after the previous card, it could potentially be an indication that their relationship started as work (PR), but I’m honestly not convinced it was the sense of this reading (which doesn’t mean that they are not PR).

Page of Coins. It symbolizes youth and a bit of immaturity, Coins are also associated with medium to dark hair and complexion. Someone that may not be able to see the result of their work but is focused. Or doesn’t see the result of their work because they’re not working hard enough, or lack in skill or inspiration. It’s another card that doesn’t really relate to love. It’s more about work, and places material success before love.

It’s not a very popular interpretation, but sometimes, Page can be the “third wheel” and in the case of a couple reading, a third person interfering. Maybe a lover? Maybe someone is cheating. At first I thought it was fetched but it would make sense with the first card (boredom) that one of them is seeking for something different outside of the couple. And it makes sense with the other two cards which literally spells it: “3”. From what I know about Lierra, and the 5sos songs, it wouldn’t seem crazy to think that one of them might be cheating. (It would also make sense if they were PR and would not actually share a romantic bond).

3 of Cups. It’s another card that can potentially mean ‘ménage à trois’, frivolity, partying. But, more usually, it is associated with an agreement and the resolution of a conflict.

As I said, it wasn’t a very clear reading and I had to spend quite a lot of time dwelling on the cards before something came out of it. My general impression is that Lierra may or may not be PR, but at least puts work first, and has fallen in a pit of boredom. One of them (potentially both, but I had more the feeling that it was only one of them) is cheating to escape this heavy routine. Which might have been openly discussed, or will be forgiven. No sign of break up.

#kirby #tarot card readings

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redgillan · 5 years

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Missed Chances - part 9

Steve Rogers x Reader ♀️ [// Bucky Barnes x Reader for now]

Summary: 13 Going on 30!AU - Steve Rogers is crazy about you, but he’s afraid his feelings are only one sided and being one of your best friends, he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship… On his 13th birthday, he makes a wish and wakes up in the body of his 30 year old self. The problem is, you’re no longer a part of his life.

Word Count: 3,015

Warnings: Nothing I think

A/N: This chapter focuses on Bucky and Reader. I know this is a Steve series but right now (in this alternate universe where Steve is older) it’s about their friendship and Steve’s mistakes and not about their romantic love of each other (that will come later). Still I hope you enjoy this chapter! Comments and reblogs are appreciated :)

Three loud bangs came from the corridor. Steve buried his face into his pillow and tried to block out the sound. He had only been home a few hours, and he intended to sleep all day because it was Sunday and he had nothing to do.

When the knocking continued, Steve looked over his shoulder and mumbled a curse. Begrudgingly, he rolled out of bed and padded to the front door. He had no intention to let them into the apartment, so he went shirtless.

“Bucky?” Steve croaked, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

“Is she here?”

“Who?” Steve asked, leaning on the door frame for support. It was way too early and he just wanted to go back to sleep. “I live alone, Buck.”

Bucky’s jaw ticked. “Don’t call me that. We’re not friends.” They stared at one another until Bucky gave a short sigh. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I just want to know where my fiancée is.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asked, confused.

He let Bucky into the apartment and closed the door behind him. Bucky looked around the pristine living room as though he expected you to appear out of thin air.

“I dropped her off at your apartment earlier tonight,” Steve continued. “We were looking for you. Then I got a text from her. She said you were home. What’s going on?”

Bucky flopped down on a sofa and cradled his head in his hands. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. With an air of defeat, he let his hands drop and gazed at Steve.

“I fucked up.”

Steve crossed the room and sat next to Bucky. He studied his friend carefully, his gaze sliding over his features as though he was trying to read his mind.

Bucky’s naturally pale complexion had taken on a ghastly ashen hue, and there were dark bags under his eyes. The smell of alcohol and sweat assaulted Steve’s nose. Seeing his friend in such a fragile state was almost too much for him.

He could easily guess what had happened, though he didn’t press Bucky for answers. This was between him and you.

“She left in the middle of the night. She didn’t take her cell phone or wallet. And I’m trying to remember what she was wearing, but I can’t,” Bucky cried, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I’m fucking terrified.”

A similar feeling took root in Steve’s guts. “Let’s not panic,” he said. “She probably went to a friend’s house.”

Bucky ran a hand down his face. “She kept in touch with her friends from college but most of them are not in New York anymore. She gets along well with Scott but I don’t know if she considers him a friend.”

Steve forced his teenage brain to focus as he tried to find a solution that was responsible and helpful. It felt as though their roles were reversed. When they were younger, Steve was the helpless idiot who always found himself in trouble and Bucky was the one who saved his ass.

It made him realize just how difficult it must have been to be his friend. It had never occurred to him that his reckless and immature behaviour had deeply impacted his friends. And that was before he screwed things up.

“Buck,” Steve spoke quietly. Bucky was too exhausted to be upset about the nickname again. “We need to calm down, and you should rest. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I’m fine,” Bucky grumbled. “I need to know she’s not in danger.”

It was pointless to argue with Bucky. “At least let me come with you.”

Bucky turned his head to look at Steve, considering his request. He observed him closely, then seemed to come to a silent decision. “I’d throw on a shirt if I were you.”

Steve beamed at him, his cheeks turning red when he glanced at his own naked torso. Yes, he should change out of his pyjamas.

Steve left the room to get dressed, leaving Bucky alone in the living room. When he came back, Bucky was fast asleep on the couch. He didn't have the heart to wake him.

The sun wasn’t up yet when you arrived at your destination. You had walked all the way from the train station, hugging the denim jacket around you for protection and for warmth.

Leaving home in the middle of the night in nothing but your little black dress and a thin jacket hadn’t been one of your most brilliant moves. It had been stupid and dangerous, and you thanked your lucky stars you were safe.

Two birds were happily chirping in a tree nearby, and with a sad sigh, you rang the doorbell. While you waited, you turned around and watched the sun rise above the line of trees.

A brand new day...

“Kid?”

Hearing George’s voice brought tears to your eyes. You clenched your jaw, holding them in. This was bound to happen; you were too tired, too emotionally distraught. You didn’t even know what to say.

You turned to face him and forced a smile to your lips. Another wave of tears blurred your vision when you realized he was wearing his ‘I’m your father’ sweatshirt, the one Bucky had given him for his birthday.

He looked so much like Bucky, and right now you weren’t even sure you and Bucky would grow old together.

As George’s eyes adjusted to the light, he took in your appearance. Your cocktail dress and your denim jacket, your tearful eyes and your faded makeup. He drew his own conclusions.

“Pancakes?” he asked, opening the door wider.

“Yes,” you sobbed and pulled him into a hug, surprising him.

Winnie wandered down the stairs to see what all the fuss was about, and found her husband in front of the door, gingerly hugging you. She looked confused, her eyebrows arched high. He gave her an almost imperceptible shrug.

While you used the bathroom to freshen up, George told his wife he’d handle this on his own. He loved his wife dearly but she wasn’t subtle. You were obviously in a fragile state and he didn’t want her to bombard you with question after question.

She agreed that it was probably a smart idea. Though she made him promise to tell her everything later.

You almost cried again when you saw the clothes Winnie had picked out. Bucky’s old ‘I got my ion you’ shirt was too big for you. It was one of those strangely designed shirts that never fit anyone. Bucky had won it at a fair when you were younger, and only kept it because the pun made him laugh.

You sat at the kitchen table and smiled gratefully at George as he placed a plate in front of you. You looked at the stack of pancakes with an eager smile. They were covered in syrup and George had even used chocolate chips to make a smiley face.

It made you smile.

“Do you want some sliced strawberries? They’re from our garden.”

You nodded, and immediately took a sip from the steaming mug he handed you. You picked up your fork and cut into the stack of pancakes.

They were delicious, soft and buttery and with a hint of caramel with overtones of toffee. It brought back memories of your childhood as vivid and real as if they were happening right now. Small Steve and chubby Bucky with crust in their eyes sitting at the kitchen table after a sleepover.

You missed those days.

You forced yourself back to the present and watched as George took a seat across from you. You swallowed your mouthful and watched him curiously. He gave you a small, encouraging smile.

“Bucky and I had a fight.”

“I figured as much.”

“We're going through a tough time.” With a sigh, you placed your fork on the edge of your plate. “Lately I’ve been feeling like things are only going to get worse. I don’t know how to explain it.”

You chanced a glance at George, hoping he could read your mind. How do you tell your soon-to-be father-in-law that planning this wedding was ruining your relationship? He seemed to get the gist of it.

“You tried talking to Bucky?” George asked calmly, taking a sip of cranberry juice.

“George,” you sighed, feeling the sting of tears in your nose. “Three years ago, when he proposed, I told Bucky I didn’t want a big fancy wedding but he insisted. He said I deserved the best.”

“It’s sweet.”

“Yeah, it is,” you agreed. “But he’s working himself to death, trying to give me something I don’t want just because he thinks I deserve it. And because of that, he’s always late, he constantly cancels our plans and he’s never home before eleven. I hardly see him.”

“He’s a bit clumsy, I suppose,” George said, “but at least he’s trying.”

You shrugged. “He promised he’d take a day off once in a while, but that never happened. He’s really good at making empty promises though.”

Not knowing what to say, George took another sip of juice. He felt responsible for the way Bucky had turned out.

They had put a lot of pressure on him as a kid; telling him to work hard, to be helpful around the house, to watch out for his little sister, to make sure Steve didn’t get hurt or to never let you walk home alone.

All this forged Bucky’s adult identity. They hadn’t meant to turn him into a ball of anxiety but they were proud of their son. He was ambitious, caring and passionate. But he had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders ever since he was a little boy.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” George said, then wagged his index finger at you. “No more wandering off in the middle of the night.”

You smiled. “Yeah, don’t worry about that. It’s not something I want to experience again.”

“Does Bucky know you’re here?”

“No, I was upset, I forgot my purse.” You nervously bit your bottom lip. “Can you tell him I’m here?”

“Of course,” he said with a smile, then he put his hand on top of yours and nodded toward your plate. “Now finish your breakfast.”

Steve was watching the Sunday-morning cartoons when Bucky’s phone buzzed on the sofa. He put his bowl of cereal down on the marble table and shook his friend awake. Bucky stared at him, bleary-eyed, then took his phone.

He jumped off the couch and yelled ‘thanks’ as he darted out the door. Steve returned to his breakfast with a lopsided grin.

Bucky’s first thought was to go straight to the train station but after receiving a few strange looks from passersby, he decided to go home to take a shower. He hailed a cab to Grand Central Terminal and took the train to Port Chester station.

By the time he got to his parents’ house, he was a nervous wreck. He felt his breath catch in his throat, his stomach curdling with fading adrenaline. He could see you through the kitchen window, sitting on top of the picnic table, your back facing him.

Before he could take a step toward the backdoor, his father told him to take a seat at the kitchen table. Reluctantly, Bucky sat down in the empty seat and listened to his father’s lecture.

Bucky kept glancing over his shoulder, making sure you were still in the backyard. His knee bounced up and down, his heart beating in expectation of seeing you.

Finally his father gave him a final warning, or advice, Bucky wasn’t sure: “Don’t screw up.”

Taking a deep breath, he opened the backdoor and closed it behind him. The air smelled flowery and warm, and with a little hint of charcoal. The gravel crunched under his feet as he made his way to your side.

“Hey,” Bucky said. You were wearing his nerdy shirt and that brought a smile to his face.

You glanced furtively at him. “Hey.”

He sat next to you, setting his feet on the bench. You both stayed quiet, keeping your attention focused on the honeysuckle vines that covered the back wall.

“Thank you for the text,” he suddenly said.

“Sure,” you replied with what you hoped was a casual shrug, “I didn’t want you to worry.”

“How did you get here?”

“I had a twenty in my bra,” you said with a grin. “I put it in there just in case we were drunk and wanted to take a cab home. Ended up using it to buy a train ticket.”

Your words felt like a knife stabbing into his heart. A reminder that he had let you down... again. “I’m sorry I missed the party.”

You cut him off before he could say another word. “You didn’t miss the party, you left because you were jealous. And I bet you went straight to his apartment when you realized I was gone.” His silent was answer enough. You scoffed. “By the way, how's the hangover?”

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s fine.” He turned his body toward you. “I really screwed up, uh?”

“Yup,” you deadpanned, unable to look at him.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “So this is it?” he asked, his voice quivering with emotion. “It’s over.”

“It’d be pretty shitty if our relationship ended where it started,” you said, looking at him out of the corner of your eye. You smiled at each other. The knot in Bucky’s chest loosened a bit.

“Thanksgiving 2010,” he sighed dreamily. “We were sitting right here on that table. I asked you if you were cold, you said ‘yes’ so I wrapped my arm around you. Then you laughed at me because I had a bit of pumpkin custard on my cheek.”

You giggled as the memory played out in your head. The sound made Bucky’s heart soar. God, he loved you.

“And then you kissed me,” he said with an air of finality.

You turned to face him fully. “What? Nu-uh, you kissed me.”

He shook his head, amused. “Nope, I remember it like it was yesterday. You leaned toward me-”

“To clean your cheek. You looked like an idiot,” you cut him off, laughing. “And that’s when you kissed me.”

He smiled at you. “Okay, maybe. But you kissed me back.”

“I did.”

You kept eye contact, smiling shyly at each other. You still loved him, he could see it clearly in your eyes. There was still hope. You made his world feel lighter and brighter. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I-I worry I won’t be a good husband.”

Saying it at loud felt simultaneously liberating and terrifying. The words hung between you, making the air heavy with their weight. You saw the start of tears in his eyes.

“The only example I have is my dad,” he continued. “And also Jack Pearson but he’s fictional. I try to be like them. I try to be supportive, caring, reliable, but I feel like the harder I try, the worse it gets. I keep making you miserable, and I fucking hate myself, y’know?”

There was a faint tremor in his voice that he tried to mask but you knew him too well. A tear ran down his cheek and he wiped it away, not embarrassed but feeling painfully vulnerable.

“I’m so sorry,” he spoke quietly. “This was supposed to be my apology to you, and I’m turning this into a pity party.”

You rested your hand on top of his. “It’s okay, Bucky. Your feelings matter, and I’m glad you’re telling me this. You’re going to be an amazing husband because you care. I don’t need a knight in shining armor, I need a partner. We need to work together as a team.”

“Do you still want to marry me?”

“At this point I put too much energy into this wedding not to marry someone,” you said, your voice slightly teasing. “Right now I think I’m going to marry Natasha, she’s been really helpful.”

Bucky hung his head in shame. “I’m sorry you had to do this without me.”

“I’m exhausted, Bucky,” you said with a sigh. “There are so many shades of white. What the fuck is alabaster? And there’s also pearl, cream, ivory, porcelain, egg shell, rice, frost, coconut, and you look at them and you think ‘what’s the big deal, it’s white’ but it’s not fucking white. Nothing is white anymore!”

Bucky slid closer to you, scared by your sudden outburst and the crazed look in your eyes. His large hand started to rub soothing circles across your back. You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Just breathe, sweetheart.”

When your breathing returned to normal, you lifted your head to look at him. “You know what the worst part is?” He shook his head. “It’s the same with every colour. Like your eyes, they used to be blue but now they’re sapphire with a touch of teal.”

He smiled at you, the fondness in his eyes tinged with sadness. He couldn’t help but laugh softly, kissing your temple when you rested your head on his shoulder.

“I love you, but I can’t keep going on like this,” you said. “We barely see each other. I don’t care how much money you make. We don’t need a fancy wedding or a big apartment. I don’t want that. I just need you.”

“I just need you,” he repeated your words like a mantra. Closing his eyes, he tightened his arm around you and pressed you against his side.

He made a silent promise to himself, and to you, that he would never take you for granted. You needed him and he needed you, the rest was just an added bonus. He tried to remember that.

It was time to put the past completely behind him, it was time to make peace with Steve Rogers.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #steve x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel #steve rogers imagines #bucky barnes imagines #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #redgillan #redgillanwrites #missed chances

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kendrixtermina · 5 years

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Compare and Contrast: The ‘Rival’ Characters

In each house there’s like this one guy who doesn’t really get along with the House Leader

I swear this is the last rambly essay. Or... second to last.

Felix

Perhaps the most “typical” rival - The Blue Lions in general are designed around basic fantasy or anime archetypes with a twist here and there so its not too suprising that Felix starts off like a less chliched/ more reasonable variant of your basic anime rival.

He’s your basic ‘Arrogant Kung Fu Guy’, a loner, not very friendly, focussed on gaining strenght, used to be friends with the MC once, not a fan of “the power of friendship” but not immune to it either... though unlike most examples he’s not envious or obsessed with beating Dimitri nor actually particularly arrogant. When Leonie beats him with a trap in their support he’s like “Wow thanks, you made me aware of a potential weakness”

Like your classic anime rival he is the strongest of the Lions apart from Dimitri himself, but has a contrasting fighting style - Dimitri is big, tanky and has immense brute strenght, but is clumsy; Felix is lithe, agile and has a very skill-based fighting style. The second strongest deer or eagle would not be Lorenz and Ferdinand. It’s definitely Lysithea for the deer, and probably either Hubert or Petra for the eagles.

Also like your classic anime rival, he’s got a backstory that parallels the hero’s. He also lost a beloved relative in the tragedy of Duscur and also still feels a lot of attachment to people who are gone, but he deals with it very differently than Dimitri. Unlike most cases you can’t really say that one of them did ir ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ both have their dysfunctionalities resulting from the loss if anything Felix is more level-headed though his rejection of all attachment isn’t grounded in maturity either.

They managed to have the classic “ideals are BS, only strenght matters” line actually make sense in a non-voldemordy way for once if you consider the context where he grew up, he definitely has a point. Though he would protest the notion he actually has a moral code of his own (Dimitri clearly offends it - though mostly he’s really thrown of by/ doesn’t know what to make of the Dr. jekyll and Mr. hyde situation) he just wasn’t ever told that it “counts” as it’s not what passes for morals in Faerghus. He’s present and results oriented, rather than guiding principles or rules of thumb he likes to focus on wether it actually saves lifes. (”We’re protecting your subjects not your ego”)

Likewise it makes more sense for him to be the team contrarian when Dimitri actually does have no plan or regard for safety while he’s in Avenger Mode, but ultimately he very much wants Dimitri to succeed.

Another thing of note is that since Claude and Edelgard are revolutionaries, their rivals are the token traditionalists of their respective teams, whereas Dimitri is someone who wants to reinstate the order - He doesn’t like oppression any more than the others but he thinks the existing social institutions have their merit; As he sees it they’d work just fine if they were just carried out virtuously and as a service to the people, not selfishly abused. Hence his rival is one of the two more independent-minded Lions.

Lorenz

Of the three he’s probably the one who most dislikes their leader and who is most genuinely flawed at the start of the game.

With Ferdinand it’s not more than a passing first impression you quickly notice that while he may be naive about how he comes across he isn’t actually arrogant nor does he hate or have seditious intentions toward Edelgard, he’s actually a deeply good guy, a straightforward hero to contrast Edelgard as an anti-hero. He lived an easy live in a good environment which allowed him to develop his potential to the fullest whereas Edelgard was forced to resort to things she doesn’t like because of her harsh life and precarious situation. She just wants to live quietly in peace but had to to grand impactful actions because someone needs to fix the broken system and she happened to have power she never asked for, meanwhile Ferdinand really wants to be a politician and go down in history but is afraid that he’s not making enough of an impact. Felix is more complex, he truly IS mean and spiteful as a real character flaw (with Dedue and Dimitri he has arguably valid principle-based reason to dislike them; But with Sylvain and Ingrid he’s just being mean for meanness’ sake due to his own issues with attachment and says some genuinely awful things to them) but its the one sharp edge on an overall principled dude who actually does care for his comrades, Dimitri included, and he is not a bad person.

Lorenz meanwhile is certainly not what he seems either, he’s not just a superior twat and actually very dutiful, believes that the nobility should actually live up to their obligations and is sort of a cautious shrewd political mind, surely not half as naive as Ferdinand. At the same time he has real shortcomings, at the start of the game he’s somewhat immature and frivolous (very apparent in his pre-timeskip supports with Sylvain and Byleth), though his intentions are not per se impure (he really wants to marry and is actually picky and romantic), he just doesn’t get it in his head that those girls he’s hitting on find him annoying.

But eh, he was like 18 at the time. More damning is his callousness and lack of perspective. He doesn’t really look past his immediate surroundings and the self-interest of himself and his own, and at several times alledges that he wouldn’t have particularly minded if Claude wound up dead in a ditch. He doesn’t know him and genuinely doesn’t care about him, making cold, dissing comments all the time in early part 1.

Of course when you get more context and get further in both their support chain and the plotyou find that he actually has good reasons to distrust Claude, it’s not just snobbishness and prejudice he just really cares about the Alliance and doesn’t trust it to someone who just showed up out of nowhere under suspicious circumstances after the previous Duke had an ‘accident’ (which, ironically, was the work of Lorenz’ own father) - but that doesn’t change that he’s genuinely a little callous.

If you don’t spare Claude on the empire route Lorenz stands out as the only person who will diss him - everyone else, imperial leadership included, is either sad or gives him the worthy opponent treatment, even Hubert who’s not usually the sort to point out his enemies’ redeeming features. He will also diss him in the Kingdom route and express spite that he didn’t get to be Alliance leader.

Indeed while Ferdinand and Felix will wind up supporting Edelgard/ Dimitri if they’re not recruited, Lorenz always opposes Claude unless you’re on the GD route. Even some of the arrogance is real, see his A support with Byleth, he really thought that commoners were ultimately less consequential/influential even though, as he later admits, Byleth was right in front of him the whole time.

To some extent this might be due to his upbringing his father was very much a “Look out for Number one” sorta person who cares only for the wealth of his own territory the rest of the Alliance be damned. Compared to that starting point Lorenz is already a whole lot more considerate as he thinks that his father at least ought to consider the rest of the Alliance, and would certainly NOT stab a rival in the back or callously kill commoners as collateral damage, even at the start of the game.

I don’t wanna get too down on Lorenz tho, once you get to know him he’s adorable and sensitive (his caution comes from actually being somewhat afraid/anxious underneath) and as a friend he is very helpful generous and considerate. I love that support where he keeps offering Ignatz jobs, it’s probably his best moment. He got layers and ultimately ends up having a positive political legacy. And if you’re playing GD or CF he even gets more open-minded by the end.

He also makes for an excellent contrast to Claude - both are somewhat self-interested, opportunistic and distrustful, but Lorenz is cautious and conventional, whereas Claude is unconventional and a risk-taker. Ultimately what brings them together is appreciation for the other’s shrewdness and good intentions, they’re both natural politicians. They also both love poetry.

And Claude’s storyline is one of bringing different people together and convincing them to come to his side/ have them come around. He uses deception to accomplish it, yes, but ultimately he wants people to see his point - Even someone who is as different from him as Lorenz is. After all he wants to build a world where there’s a place for everyone. So when he finally wins over Lorenz halfway through part 2 it means a lot to him. Claude probably half doubts that it’s possible but he wants everyone to truly come around.

Whereas Edelgard would surely prefer convincing as well, but failing that she’d strongarm or eliminate someone like that. (Though it has to be said that she would do so because she cares deeply about the net result and one priviliged twat’s feelings, or even her own, are not more important that ending oppression asap IMHO Both have a point and both have their shortcomings.)

Another Detail is that while Ferdinand and Felix are each from the Second most Powerful house in their respective countries, the number two spot in the Alliance is probably held by the Gonerils; But the Alliance by nature is more flexible and there is more rising and falling in influence based on wealth merit and your ability to convince and rally the other nobles. Lorenz actually could take Claude’s job, and early on, actually wanted to, so he’s the closest to a real political rival - and Claude’s strenght is more in politics and planning than it is in punching so this is fitting.

The other two are more one-sided, as Dimitri flat out ignores any hostility coming from Felix and would really like to be friends again (also Felix wants Dimitri on the throne ‘cause he’s still vastly better than Chaos or Cornelia, he’d just like him to act reasonable and get his act together, and is ready to support him once he does) and Ferdinand, try as he might, is simply no match for Edelgard in any way as she is the single strongest individual among the younger characters, she’s evenly matched with Byleth in the Church Route reunion scene and ends up with the highest total stats out of all the playable characters.

Ferdinand

Though he’s introduced as always trying to one-up her, makes sure to tell you that he’s the one in charge when you first walk in (no doubt naively repeating something his father said), can end up being full-blown enemies with her in 3 out of 4 routes including the Church route, he doesn’t actually have any sort of personal beef with Edelgard and out of the three ‘rivals’ he probably has the least actual issues with/ dislike toward his respective house leader.

Even when they wind up as enemies he’s actually one of the characters who speaks of Edelgard in a respectful fashion after her death (in GD he mentions how she wanted the next ruler to be chosen based on merit and how she really believed it), and at one point offers Hubert to let the two of them flee right under the Church’s nose if you have them fight. (Especially notable since the Church route is probably the least sympathetic toward Edelgard)

He IS the one who gets the classic rival trait of being competitive, jealous and attention-seeking - I tend to hate these sorts of characters but that’s usually because they are petty, spiteful people who begrudge other’s happiness and are always putting others down so I expected to hate him but actually ended up loving him to no end because he isn’t like that at all. He’s deeply good and has a heart of pure gold. He never lashes out. If someone dislikes him, his reaction is usually to come up some grandiose elaborate gesture to prove his worth and make them like him (Mercedes, Bernie, Dorothea etc.)

Ferdinand was raised by an actual supervillain who clearly wanted to bring him up with an ellbow mentality but that clearly bounced off his inherent goodness like teflon. His sheltered luxurious upbringing might’ve left him a bit naive pre-timeskip in ways that make him come off a tad arrogant or annoying, but he doesn’t think he’s superior to anyone - indeed he works hard to be worthy of his inheritance and justify being in the position that he’s in. He’s somewhat aware that his father’s a crook but his response to that disillusionment is to become the real thing himself. He wants to actually be exceptional and live up to the hype. The old man surely told him that he’s got to make the princess his bitch with some thinly veiled euphemisms but he kinda didn’t catch the seditious treasonous parts of it.

He doesn’t hate Edelgard nor does he wanna doublecross her or put her down, rather, he figures that he’ll be a pretty poor Minister if he can’t hold his own against her he must have something of his own to offer and just generally strives to constantly improve himself. He also strongly believes in thinking for oneself (in that sense he’s kinda like Felix but its a more intellectual thing for him) - In the Church route that’s why he views it as his duty to oppose Edelgard even if it costs him alot. If he sticks with them instead, he eventually realizes that she and Hubert are actually all for independent thought and actually pretty open to his input once they come to trust him (which doesn’t really happen on the other routes). If recruited to the Kindom he’ll also not be afraid to criticise Dimitri. Can’t recall any scene where he criticises or defies Claude right of the bat but then again Claude doesn’t exactly go around saying what his objectives are.

He certainly sticks out among the eagles the way Felix does among the lions - not quite to the same extent cause he’s not that polished and inadvertedly annoys people a lot early on, but they’re all pragmatic, antisocial or both and also largely unconventional and quirky, whereas Ferdinand is very sociable, optimistic, has high ideals and traditional. He’s the one among the nobles who actually wants his father’s job, he’s also the one believer among the largely secular Adrestians, though he’s not exceptionally devout. Though he values collectedness, he’s an expressive romantic sop and very genuine in contrast to the more stoic and unsentimental Edelgard and Hubert (as well as Byleth if they’re on the team), i mean Dorothea’s also extroverted and friendly but she’s often wearing a mask and kinda jaded too. Caspar’s nice and honest but he basically lives to fight. Basically if the Crimson Flower cast were Section Nine, Ferdinand would be Togusa - and like the Major, Hubert and Edelgard actually appreciate him for that though this is not immediately obvious to him.

Ferdinand obviously matures some as the storyline continues but - consider that Lorenz basically gets schooled and Claude is 100% right, and Felix gets to get over himself and stop being so tsundere, he’s not all wrong but he’s not right either and in his Kingdom route endings usually winds up continuing his dad’s legacy after all, even winding up in one of those chivalric tales he used t hate in his paired endings with Dimitri. Lorenz’ position is understandable, Felix has a valid point and comes from a good place, but largely, they are wrong. Ferdinand does somewhat change what he thinks but it’s more of a hegelian synthesis. He’s a helpful ally who contributes a lot and Edelgard and Hubert kinda know this before he does because he was busy comparing himself to her. He’s not gonna beat Edelgard at Edelgard stuff but he has a lot to offer precisely because he’s Ferdinand, and because he’s different from them and actually helps them improve and refine their plans.

After all if you want to replace a flawed system you’ve got to understand why it persisted and your new system has to solve all the problems the old one solves and then some, if it is to last.

Unlike Felix Ferdinand’s very proud of his country, but this is in the context of the Eagles’ main storyline being to put right what their parents done fucked up (or, in the case of Dorothea and Petra, what created the sucky circumstances they lived in) whether they do it with Edelgards revolution or through reconciling their homeland with the church.

Of course Ferdinand isn’t blind to his homeland’s flaws and wants to fix it because he cares about it.

Leonie

Now onto the MC’s own designated rival.

She probably can be said to be have a shade of petty jealousy but since it’s centered around a shared mentor figure and largely harmless it comes off with a distinct annoying-younger-sister vibe more than a more serious rivalry. She never really gets overly upset that she can’t beat Byleth; She just kinda keeps trying undeterred; Might as well shoot for a high target.

Notably she is actually a remarkably chill person in her other supports and has a lot more characterization than just the jeralt thing, with her poor village background and frugal, pragmatic outlook being pretty interesting, she just doesn’t get along with Byleth, but since they’re the POV character and Leonie is kinda constantly aggro at them that works in her detriment. For all that I’m frequently praising how even the more gimmicky characters are seldom one-note I still think they could’ve eased up on the gimmicks now and again.

On the other hand, it shouldn’t be so strange that even Byleth can’t immediately get along with everyone xD

Much like most of Bernadetta’s supports start with her freaking out and running away, Byleth’s usually go like this: At C the various characters act largely how they act toward everyone else (the nice characters are nice, the blunt ones are blunt etc.), then at B they spill their life story and worries and Byleth is like “pat pat”, by the second half of part II the monastery dialogues also evidence some level of fondness and familiarity even with the students that aren’t in your house (which is important cause most of them are pretty sad and apologetic about having to fight Byleth later on)

But of course there’s exceptions here, you have cases like Felix and Edelgard who instantly like them because of obvious similarities, people who take distinctly longer to be won over such as Hubert and Dimitri but ultimately do click with them after a certain point, and then there’s cases like Claude and Dorothea who DO like Byleth but are still somewhat stumped by their somewhat unreadable demeanor, they’re used to dazzling ppl with their charm, not getting the expected reaction and hence their defense mechanisms are lowkey active, indignation for Dorothea and suspicion for Claude.

Leonie doesn’t fit either category she sorta tries to apologize for her latest outburst each time but then ends up going off again.

On the one hand the fact that she isn’t overawed isn’t always a negative thing, it’s like she’s part of the family, and particularly the human side of it.

After they merge with Sothis most the students are awed and excited about their new power/looks and comming divine revelation - some of the eagles are notably cooler on this as they’re not as religious, Bernie’s lowkey scared, Dorothea seems kinda worried about them/ that this will distance them from normal people, Edelgard is secretly heartbroken cause she takes it to mean that they’re destined to be enemies - they’re not the only ones tho Lysithea notably worries about side effects (she would), but then there’s Leonie who’s like “But it’s still you inside there, right? That’s what important.” Like... I think Byleth really needed to hear that.

Instead of “wow everyone mysteriously likes you, you must truly be blessed” she’s like “you accept ppl as they are just like your dad no wonder people like you. ”, she just looks at them with a different perspective.

I mean Cyril and Catherine get a bit jelly that they get so much of Rhea’s attention but then that’s tied up in their own adulation of Rhea and so ultimately the magical destiny thing.

Even the infamous B support evidences a somewhat different, less distanced dynamic - Anger is a natural stage of grief but she’s going off in Byleth’s face when they’re still half in schock, which is a not so great situation but also different from the usual dynamic where Byleth is the calm in-control leader person while their conversation partner spills their soul - they can’t be, because they’re involved. Jeralt’s death affects them both in different ways and that leads to a rather painful clash.

Contrast wise Leonie is maybe what Byleth might’ve been like if they had been born normally. She’s also kinda sassy has a pragmatic fighting style and comes from a common, nonfancy background where she had to work on her own survival by catching her own food. But she doesn’t have the magical destiny/ random religion ready to throw itself at her feet, as she often points out she doesn’t have a crest or money so she has to be shrewd to even get her hands on good equipment instead of having a mystical legendary artifact just falling into her lap.

One wonders if Byleth and Edelgard ever ended up hiding out in some odd place in order to escape from two lance wielding redheards looking to duel them XD

Outcomes

Though Ferdinand gets this dialogue where he wonders about what might’ve been and laments the “Adrestia-shaped hole in his heart” his endings are actually pretty similar regardless of what faction he ends up with. He almost always becomes a statesman or politician of some sort.

He didn’t rely on things just falling into his lap so when they stop doing that he still succeeds, besides with his optimistic go-getter attitude and determination, it’s not a surprise that he’d be fine no matter what happens. It’s a big shock to him when his land gets confiscated on non-empire routes but he always deals somehow and comes out on top through the trials and tribulations.

By contrast Felix gets tons of unique dialogue for each route (with the most, but not complete overlap between VW and SS) and his endings are vastly different depending on wether he sticks with Dimitri or not to the point that even paired endings with the same characters can be vastly different. Generally speaking if he sticks with Dimitri he suceeds his dad and becomes Dimitri’s Right Hand Man (or Left Hand Man depending on where Gilbert and Dedue end up) whereas on the other routes he becomes a wandering mercenary and kinda doesn’t seem as satisfied with the independence and strenght that he used to want so badly.

Only Bernie and Alois come significantly close to having such hugely divergent endings based on route (He becomes the leader of the Knights of Seiros - unless he turns against them then he just chills with his family. Bernie gets a lot more “confident” endings in CF, the one with Byleth is a 180 and the Hubert one is similar, also she’s out of her room a lot more and talks about traveling etc. and even there it’s not ALL endings nor quite as pervasive. )

As for Lorenz there’s three ways it can go. If not recruited he plays ball with the empire out of self-preservation and, its implied, to save his father who’s not worth half of him, and gets killed in the process should the empire lose.

If he’s on your team there’s 2 basic paths depending on whether you’re on one of the ‘revolutionary’ routes (VW and CF) or the ‘restore order’ ones (SS and AM) Either he initially follows to pursue his own interests but eventually comes around to Claude’s and/or Edelgard’s ways of thinking, or, you spare him, since he joined the empire ‘cause they looked to be winning he’ll have no qualms jning you when you appear to win, esp once you nap that pesky bridge through which the Imperial troops would’ve marched in, so he has more leeway to do what he actually wants to do, ie oppose the empire and go down in history like he always wanted. He doesn’t change as much but gets plenty of opportunity to show off his more gallant side and redeem himself for the initial turncoatery.

As far as Leonie’s endings go, it’s nice to know that there was someone to take over Jeralt’s mercenary troupe - Byleth probably always thought they would do it but now they’re off being King/Queen/Archbishop/ eating cake with Edelgard

So she needn’t have worried/ eventually was able to take on Jeralt’s legacy like she wanted precisely because she isn’t magic

Of course there’s also the outcome where she dies somewhat ironically either at Gronder (”Can’t back down because I know you I’m a proper mercenary”) or Myrrdin (particularly ironic since Jeralt didn’t trust Rhea one bit and Solon and Kronya did, not, in fact, report to Edelgard. She was ostensibly trying to get Jeralt on her side post Remire.), in either case to fulfill her dream and become like her mentor she’s pitted against that mentor’s own kid, no option where she can be truly true to her allegiance.... slightly less so in the empire route since she believes she has good cause for revenge here, und understandably so. Edelgard can’t exactly go around yelling “I mean to DOUBLECROSS you!” where the slitherers can hear so she did look guilty.

It is supposed that she died offscreen at Gronder in the church route. :( Better recruit her. And Alois, if you’re doing CF, so poor Byleth doesn’t have to hack through all their remaining quasi-relatives.

#fire emblem three houses #fire emblem: three houses #fe3h #ferdinand von aegir #lorenz hellman gloucester #felix hugo fraldarius #leonie pinelli

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helloandwelcometomariasblog · 4 years

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Review #64: Hymn of Death

사의 찬미. (I like the Korean title a whole lot more than the English title.)

I have read comments stating that this drama is not historically accurate, so I won’t go into that aspect of the story. What I will go into, are aspects that really moved me to write this review.

Before I even began watching, I had a vague idea of what the story was about as I had (stupidly) watched one or two clips on YouTube and read the comments. Therefore, I expected a simple romance story with themes of infidelity. However, I was surprised.

I know and you know and everyone knows that I began watching it for LJS. However, I had no idea what kind of character he would play. So far, I’ve seen him as an array of characters: Cha Eunho (playful, successful, cute and jealous younger man), Hamyung/Dalpo (unfortunately I can’t fully remember his character anymore), Kangchul (rich, determined, slightly conceited), and Namsoon (apathetic but warm-hearted student with a dark past and no academic passion). His character in Hymn of Death kind of took me by surprise. It was a character I had never really seen before in LJS. Ujin is quiet and composed. He doesn’t talk much, but when he does, it’s purposeful and poetic. He’s a thoughtful and serious man who doesn’t open up easily and puts up a wall around his thoughts and feelings. Scared that he will get too invested. Scared that he will actually fall in love. He’s an obedient son, who keeps his feelings bottled up until the very last moment. He’s an artist and a poet, who seeks beauty and feels it deeply. He’s a highly sensitive introvert. He’s a writer who knows how precious and life-giving words can be.

And I know, and you know, and everyone knows that I am very much attracted to that. I could even almost relate to him. I also use writing to express myself and to find solace. When he exploded at his father and said that these pieces of paper and those rare moments of writing are his shelter and escape, and asked, do you want me to live or die, I cried alongside him. When he spared his words, his compliments, but still expressed his hesitant but positive feelings towards Shimdeok, I melted alongside her. I’m just saying - those people are rare nowadays. People don’t treat words as carefully or worthwhile anymore. They just blurt out whatever they’re thinking (or not thinking). And yes, it was done with the face and body of LJS. I get it.

So let me cut to the chase here. I really fell for LJS’s character. I just can’t help but fall for these types of characters. Kyungsoo in 100 Days My Prince, for example. Those quiet but strong characters who love art and cherish it. Those who appreciate beauty around the world and are thoughtful and sensitive enough to not speak hastily. Someone with whom you can share thoughts on literature and film. Ujin was like that. And it was just so adorable but heartbreaking at the same time seeing him try and distance himself from Shimdeok, knowing that he was attracted. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself from falling for her.

One thing this drama did really well was show us the gradual process of the two characters falling in love. Not once did I wonder why they were drawn to each other. There are dramas where I ask myself why they even like each other. In those dramas, it seems as though they’re only liking each other because they’re the main couple, so they have to. But with Ujin and Shimdeok, it was completely believable. The steps were so clear. I could clearly see why Shimdeok was attracted to Ujin and vice versa. I guess it’s also the actors’ feat - their faces of falling in love were extremely convincing. I could see Shimdeok falling slowly for Ujin’s goals, determination, and love for writing. And it was SO CUTE seeing her act upon it (I love her character) - she was so adorably honest and straightforward with her feelings. How could Ujin not like her back? LJS played it very well, showing us how hard Ujin was trying to hide his feelings and be aloof and even cold towards her. However, with someone like Shimdeok constantly stepping closer to him, and being the charismatic and strong young lady she is, Ujin soon has trouble hiding his own feelings. It was just so incredibly convincing. When Shimdeok stands up during the meeting and encourages the team to keep going, you know Ujin has fallen for her, and you know it’s completely valid. It’s something he would totally fall for. And you know when he hears her sing for the first time, he’s hiding his admiration (which he does admit later on, in the most Ujintastic and soft-spoken but sure way). Ujin is attracted to Shimdeok as a person, and Shimdeok is attracted to Ujin as a person. I don’t know - I feel like I’ve never seen a drama that made this so incredibly clear. It was just so damn convincing.

The slow but sure way they fell in love really grasped me. I guess it’s also because it’s kind of rare nowadays (both in the real world and in media). People are so quick to express their feelings and get on with it. But both Ujin and Shimdeok took their time, getting to know each other through the team and through touring, and kept a slight (heart-fluttering) distance. (And I know the distance was required because Ujin was married and all, but I’ll talk about that aspect in another paragraph.) That romantic tension is gold. And I know this probably sounds crazy but I respect Ujin for drawing the line and inviting Shimdeok to his house along with the team to show her the reality of his life. I know, I know, it means nothing later on but I liked that decision and I liked that scene.

Another scene I absolutely loved was when the tour came to an end and they all celebrated at the dance hall. I loved it because it was a great portrayal of their feelings towards each other in that subtle and careful way - when you love someone, but you can’t express it to them yet, so you steal glances and hope that something will happen. Shimdeok kept glancing at Ujin and vice versa, but I loved how their eyes never really met. Golden romantic tension. This drama did the “ssum” stage so, so well. I also loved how Shimdeok actually stood up to make that move and approach Ujin at the dance hall (after several stolen glances). I would’ve done that too, Shimdeok. I think that’s why I’m attracted to people like Ujin - because I like being the active person, making the moves (lol).

One thing I realize over and over again about myself is that I am really drawn to films where emotions are shown in a very subtle way. In this drama, they don’t have a ton of physical intimacy (especially in the beginning stages of attraction and affection) and that makes the little moments even more prominent and overwhelming. For example, whenever they shake hands, when they almost touch fingers while reaching for the kettle at the same time, or when Ujin comes close for a kiss (which he doesn’t carry through with in the end - which showed his inner turmoil). This also means that the non-physical actions mean a whole lot - such as the time when Shimdeok comes over to spend time with a “sick” Ujin and tries so hard to stay for longer (which Ujin coldly and outrightly rejects, very so-in-character, but later watches and smiles at the window) and leaves with the umbrella that she earlier said never brought along. That’s what always wins me over, I guess - when affection and attraction is written in film in ways other than the oh-so-obvious physical action. That is much more interesting and emotional to me, and provides a whole lot of romantic tension.

I think it was also quite interesting and a rare sight in the K-drama world that the both of them actually told their families about their change of heart instead of running away without a word. I wasn’t expecting that. I was especially surprised that Ujin told his father about everything before leaving.

Speaking of families, I honestly have never felt more frustrated and angry watching Ujin’s dad and Shimdeok’s family. I’m not sure which family I hated more. I honestly couldn’t stop swearing and grabbing my forehead and I actually CRIED. I shed tears because I was so frustrated and sad. I felt this especially with Shimdeok’s family. They’re the fucking worst. Nobody in that fucking family was redeemable. Not the mother who was so obviously without morals and only cared about her other two kids, not the brother who fucking doubted Shimdeok’s morals and values, not the sister who believed the fucking rumours, and above all not the father who pretends to be on her side but is in fact the fucking worst? He acts all victim but in reality he’s the worst and he’s just a fucking passive version of the mother. And Shimdeok is the one providing for all of them. HAVE SOME RESPECT. Have some damn gratitude. I honestly felt it when Shimdeok fell speechless at her siblings’ confrontation and accusation and choked out, “you two can’t do this to me.” Damn right. Fucking ungrateful assholes. They’re so damn immature and selfish.

This is why, when Shimdeok receives the letter from Ujin saying that he wholeheartedly trusts her and her alone, and telling her to come to him quickly, I honestly cried with Shimdeok, and it began to make sense that they would run away together. This drama did their beats EXTREMELY well. One thing led to another, and each and every event/beat was convincing. I was just naturally led from beginning to end on an emotional rollercoaster and never once stopped to think, “does that even makes sense?” The writer constantly upped the level and made the characters suffer to the point they couldn’t stand. That’s good writing. It’s sad that the characters really couldn’t stand it and chose to end everything, but the lead up was undeniably good. It made me believe that they really didn’t have a way out. I still had hope when the only obstacle was the father’s disapproval (but even that was a bit too stifling cause the father was a closed-minded selfish prick) and the poverty that Shimdeok was faced with. But when it escalated to the point where Shimdeok was sexually harassed (I got so angry with this scene, and Shin Hyesun acted so incredibly well) and she was threatened into being a singer for the promotion and praise of the Japanese government, and Ujin was threatened with his father’s health, I had to throw in the towel. It all made sense. Even I couldn’t do it anymore.

But nevertheless, their tragic ending was really sad, and I hoped (and still hope) there was another way out. It reminded me of The Sorrows of Young Werther, and made me think of how sensitive and emotional artists and writers could be and how dangerous that can be. I had such a happy time watching the first two or so episodes that the tragic ending made me feel way too sad and hollow. I wish they could have overcome it somehow. Or even just run away somewhere and live together. At the end though, I’m not sure if it was the way LJS was playing the character, but it felt as though he was a little hesitant about the death compared to Shimdeok. Shimdeok seemed really set on the idea, as though there was no alternative, but Ujin seemed a little aloof, almost as though he was going through with it because it’s what his lover wanted. But when thinking back on how much he suffered because of his dad, and how much he gave up, it does make sense that he would have come to the same conclusion as Shimdeok. It’s just sad. I really wish it could have ended differently.

I would watch this drama again for two things: the beautiful cinematography, and the absolutely beautiful process of the two characters falling in love. (and yes for LJS, okay?)

p.s: Shin Hyesun really cannot lipsync. + LJS really needs to stop putting his hand in his pockets. It’s so frequent that it’s awkward - it’s like suddenly being hyper aware that he’s acting. + the one scene that really didn’t make sense for me was when Shimdeok abandoned her dream stage to run after Ujin. I wish the film had made it so that she was singing the last line of the song and finished it before running after him. But then again - that just shows how much she loved Ujin and just how much he meant to him. (But still.)

#review

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too-many-kpop-hubands · 4 years

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30 Day Fandom Challenge

Here we go again for my fandom challenge. You still with me? @domsberto I'd also like to nominate @jimonsprettyface

This next fandom is one that I have been a part of from the very beginning and it holds a special place in my heart. Hold on tight and for those who haven't seen it, spoilers ahead.

Day 2- Teen Wolf

(TV Show not Movie)

1) Favorite Character: Stiles Stilinski

Reason: I have a thing for adorable dorks apparently. 😂

Ok so I adore Stiles the most because he is the backbone and heartbeat of the group. Sure he's a spazz and a nerd but he also always finds a way to get the group out of sticky situations because of his intelligent and knack for looking at things from every angle (he truly is his father's son....it helps his Father is the Sheriff alot of the time). He is loyal to a fault and though he has a hard time trusting most newcomers, once you are in he will literally follow you to the ends of the earth. He is a hopeless romantic, as shown with how he is with Lydia and even Malia. He loves deeply and thought he tends to be a fuck up at times he always finds a way to make things right. He keeps the others in line and helps everyone that needs his help. As the only human of the group he takes his job very seriously and is damn good at keeping the group together even when he personally feels like falling apart. I adore him to no end.

2) Most Relatable Character: Liam Dunbar

Reason: Liam is an adorable, scared and confused little rage monster. Unlike the others on the show who had a few seasons to get used to the world of the supernatural, Liam was still new to the world and was often left scratching his head wondering what the hell was going on. I can relate to that because even in real life I don't know what the hell is going on most of the time. He is also the most relatable because unlike the others on the show, he actually acts his age for the most part and wasn't forced to grow up as fast as the others. Honestly, for a young Beta wolf he can be the most human of them all at times. He likes to have fun, he likes to hang out with his girlfriend and play lacrosse. He marches to the beat of his own drum, which I do most of the time. Another thing I can relate to is having a short temper. While my temper is not nearly as bad as Liam's (who as Intermittent Explosive Disorder) I still get how hard it is to calm down once that temper is triggered.

3) Most Underrated Character: Isaac Lahey

Reason: Besides Derek, Isaac probably had the most growth of all the characters on the show before his exit from the show. He had to shoulder alot of pain and loss in his life starting with his mom leaving and his brother dying, then suffering from years of abuse at the hands of his father. After being turned by Derek, he felt empowered to help not only himself but others as well and did all that he could to help people in need. He even found it in him to forgive his father for abusing him for so long, which takes strength all on it's own. He went from being a scared and abused little boy to being a badass who did everything he could to help people he cared about and those who were unable to defend themselves. I see you Isaac, I see you and I appreciate you.

4) Most Overrated Character: Derek Hale

Reason: Ok before I start this, let me just says that I love Derek Hale ok? He is all kinds of sexy and has some good qualities but of all the people on the show he is also the most overrated. Ok hear me out here before you come at me. Throughout the series Derek is hyped up as this big bad Alpha dude. Yes, he turned a bunch of teens into wolves and helped them, and Scott, learn the ropes but when it came down to a fight most of the time he either made things worse or just didn't show up when he was needed the most (example when they were fighting the Nogitsune, Dread Doctors, Ghost Riders, Alphas). Most of the time it was Scott and his pack that ended up saving the day. Sure Derek helped gather intel but as far as fighting goes, he didn't really do much for such a "Big Bad Alpha" who threatened to rip people's throats out with his teeth. Hell he didn't even kill the bitch that murdered his ENTIRE family, nor did he kill the Darach...instead he slept with her. Wow Derek, just wow. He ran most of the time, went MIA alot of the time only to make a dramatic entrance and knock a few people around when Scott already had things under control. I love Derek but.....some big bad Alpha he was.

5) Least Favorite Character(s): Tied Kate, Gerard, and Victoria Argent

Reason: First of all, Kate....She got away with murdering an entire family (minus Derek, Laura, Peter and Cora) and then manages to cheat death by turning into a freaky ass werejaguar when Peter ripped her throat out. How?!?!?! No matter how much chaos she starts she still ends up getting away. How is she not dead yet? Jesus! She was a manipulative person and honestly one of the most toxic on the show besides her shady ass who I will talk about next.

Gerard was a piece of work. He brainwashed Allison into trying to kill her friends, he praised Kate for killing the entire Hale family, he tortured and killed innocent supernaturals simply for existing and used Jackson in his kanima form to carry out his shady agenda. He was also a hypocrite. He hates supernaturals yet relied on Scott to help take away his pain when he was sick and dying only to turn around and train a new generation of Anti-Supernatural hunters to do his bidding. He was a piece of shit.

Victoria Argent was the Matriarch of the Argent family and even when her daughter (Allison) and husband (Chris) wanted to actually help the innocent supernaturals she did everything in her power to make sure they felt like shit for wanting to help. She freaking tortured and tried to kill Scott for no other reason than he was a werewolf that was screwing her daughter and then made herself out to be a victim when Derek came to save Scott and he bit her a few times after she attacked him. She refused to turn and killed herself instead of facing the consequences her actions lead to (her turning into the very thing she hated, a werewolf).

6) Favorite Canon Pairing: Stydia (Stiles Stilinski and Lydia Martin)

Reason: From the beginning when you first see Stiles and Lydia interact on screen you start to root for the spastic nerd to win the heart of the most popular girl in school. Stiles always saw the real Lydia that she hid behind her popular facade. He saw how smart she was, how much she actually cared for people despite pretending like she didn't. He had been in love with her since the 3rd grade and even when they dated other people, that love never died. The closer they got as friends the more you wanted them to just end up together. Several seasons later and we finally hear them confess their love for each other and finally FINALLY get together. Praise be to all things Holy! Stiles and Lydia manage to balance each other out and anchor each other. When Stiles has panic attacks, Lydia is there to help calm him down. When Lydia gets overwhelmed by her Banshee powers, Stiles is there to help ground her. Stiles saved Lydia more times than I can count but she saved him too on more than one occasion. Stiles and Lydia have a love that is beautiful and pure. I see them lasting forever and they should even now that the show has been over for a while now. They are beautiful and they are my OTP. I could go on forever but I will just leave it here.

7) Favorite Non-Canon Ship: Scisaac (Scott McCall and Isaac Lahey)

[Close Call Honorable Mention: Sterek (Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale)]

Reason: Ok first of all this was a close race between my boys Scisaac and my boys Sterek but when I look back at both pairings, I love the purity of Scott and Isaac versus the almost toxic pairing that is Sterek. (I adore Sterek but come on! Looking back now they were hella toxic!) Now for Scott and Isaac they had their moments. They lived together and Scott always managed to find a way to help bring Isaac back to reality when he had moments where he would lapse into PTSD style symptoms and nightmares. They always had each other's backs and they always gave each other looks that went beyond that of just friendship. Hell Isaac even agreed with hearts in his eyes that Scott was the "hot girl". I believe that if these two had of both cut Allison lose and crossed the boundary of friendship into a romantic relationship they would have been just as strong as Stydia. A pure and passionate kind of love born out of genuine care for one another.

8) Least Favorite Pairing: Stalia (Stiles Stilinski and Malia Tate)

Reason: First of all their first hook up was in a freaking insane asylum so that right there is not a good start for any lasting relationship. Throughout their relationship, Malia took Stiles for granted and then had the nerve to get jealous when he paid more attention to Lydia (who he had been in love with forever at that point). Malia had the mindset of a child and was immature most of the time. Don't get me wrong, Stiles could be immature at time too but she brought out the worst in him. I don't dislike Malia. I actually like her as a character but not as Stiles's girlfriend. Plus this biggest reason I dislike this ship? It took longer for Stydia to finally happen. Let's not forget how she practically walked all over him.

9) Favorite Part/Moment: Lydia tells Stiles she loves him too.

Reason: Stiles had been taken by the Ghost Riders and everyone forgot who he was but before he was taken he told Lydia "Remember I love you." But she never got the chance to say it back before he and her memories of him were ripped away. When he finally came back there was a touching scene where Lydia said "I never got to say it back." And the two of them shared their first real kiss (not counting the kiss she gave him to stop a panic attack in a previous season). This was one of those moments that was several years long overdue and for us Stydia fans, we rejoiced when they finally got their shit together and actually became a couple. Praise!

10) Least Favorite Part/Moment: Allison is killed by the Oni

Reason: Allison Argent was a character you could sometimes love and hate at the same time. When they battled the Nogitsune and she sacrificed herself to the Oni to save Isasc, I sobbed like a baby. It was a way for the writers to write off the actress's character but one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire series. It is my least favorite because Allison died. It was a beautiful farewell as she died in the arms of her first love (Scott) but I can't even think about it without sobbing.

Thank you for sticking with me. Until tomorrow! ❤

#fandom challenge

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thebluelemontree · 5 years

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Why do you think Sandor wanted that song so much? What did it mean to him? Clearly the idea of her singing to him was on his mind for awhile. The song obviously carries symbolic meanings for the reader. But what was its in-universe significance to the man who demanded it? Why was it so important to him that she sing specifically?

It’s part of his childhood idealism and the knight he wanted to be. The kind that saves fair maidens among other heroic deeds. The day he saved her in the bread riot was a song come alive for him. For the first time in his life, Sandor wasn’t just doing his job guarding and carrying out the commands of terrible people. He was protecting an honest-to-goodness innocent person in need of saving, and Sansa is straight out of central casting as a fair maiden. From Sansa’s recollection:

The Hound leapt at them, his sword a blur of steel that trailed a red mist as it swung. When they broke and ran before him he had laughed, his terrible burned face for a moment transformed. – Sansa IV, ACOK.

You could read this as nothing more than bloodlust; however, it seems to me his expression was “transformed” from his normal anger into something else. It’s the presence of anger that Sansa admits is what makes his burned face “terrible,” not so much the scars. Now that Sansa has a chance to really think about it after some time has passed from the harrowing event, his face was different when he saved her. I see it as Sandor having a brief moment of elation and pride. This is what it feels like to be a hero. This is what his grandfather did for Tytos Lannister. It’s not all bullshit and children’s stories. It also tells us Sandor is capable of romanticizing a terrible event, just as Sansa. He will later fudge the retelling of events to make it seem like the song came as a result of saving Sansa’s life in the riot:

“… I saved your sister’s life too. The day the mob pulled her off her horse, I cut through them and brought her back to the castle, else she would have gotten what Lollys Stokeworth got. And she sang for me. You didn’t know that, did you? Your sister sang me a sweet little song.“ – Arya IX, ASOS.

Then later at his death, he will damn himself as no true hero because he failed to protect her from Joffrey. He botched his own rescue attempt by scaring the daylights out of her. Because of his frailty and fuck-ups, in his mind, he abandoned her to an even worse fate with Tyrion. He is the “gutless fraud” he is talking about. He never deserved that song after all and the way he actually got it shames him to the point he wants to die:

“I hate liars. I hate gutless frauds even worse. Go on, do it.” When Arya did not move, he said, “I killed your butcher’s boy. I cut him near in half, and laughed about it after.” He made a queer sound, and it took her a moment to realize he was sobbing. “And the little bird, your pretty sister, I stood there in my white cloak and let them beat her. I took the bloody song, she never gave it…”

Sandor tying Sansa’s song to the riot is important, but let’s back up a bit because the seed for the song idea was planted before that.

. . . ah, you’re still a stupid little bird, aren’t you? Singing all the songs they taught you … sing me a song, why don’t you? Go on. Sing to me. Some song about knights and fair maids. You like knights, don’t you?“

He was scaring her. "T-true knights, my lord.”

“True knights,” he mocked. “And I’m no lord, no more than I’m a knight. Do I need to beat that into you?" Clegane reeled and almost fell. "Gods,” he swore, “too much wine.” – Sansa II, ACOK. [Real smooth there, Sandor]

The dot-dot-dots usually mean a character just had a gear-shifting thought. This is from their meeting on the serpentine steps. He’s just noticed she’s “almost a woman” then had to remind himself that no, she’s still too young and immature for that. Sandor’s drunken, less-inhibited brain is bouncing around like a ping-pong ball between his just-awakened attraction and frantically trying to stomp it out. He’s over-correcting by calling her a “stupid little bird” because (as reflected in his swaying) how off-balance he is thrown by interacting with her. Not surprisingly, it’s Sandor who is actually showing his immaturity. Those ellipses indicate a little light bulb has just turned on and it will become an idea that he really latches on to. Oh, but he can’t just straight up ask for a song. No way. Better frame it as a halfhearted dare instead so she doesn’t think he’s actually interested in something so lame, stupid, and the antithesis of everything he’s preached at her. She reminds him that it’s true knights that she likes, which he must then beat into his own head that he isn’t even a knight, let alone a true one at this point. He couldn’t be further from the heroes she looks up to. The song was a dumb idea anyway, right? So why can’t he let it go?

I would point out just before Sandor brings up the song again, it’s Sansa that has coaxed a poetic “song” about a hero out of Sandor first without him realizing it (whether he willed it or no):

As they were winding their way up the steps, she said, "Why do you let people call you a dog? You won’t let anyone call you a knight.”

“I like dogs better than knights. My father’s father was kennelmaster at the Rock. One autumn year, Lord Tytos came between a lioness and her prey. The lioness didn’t give a shit that she was Lannister’s own sigil. Bitch tore into my lord’s horse and would have done for my lord too, but my grandfather came up with the hounds. Three of his dogs died running her off. My grandfather lost a leg, so Lannister paid him for it with lands and a towerhouse, and took his son to squire. The three dogs on our banner are the three that died, in the yellow of autumn grass. A hound will die for you, but never lie to you. And he’ll look you straight in the face." He cupped her under the jaw, raising her chin, his fingers pinching her painfully. "And that’s more than little birds can do, isn’t it? I never got my song.”

“I … I know a song about Florian and Jonquil.“

"Florian and Jonquil? A fool and his cunt. Spare me. But one day I’ll have a song from you, whether you will it or no.”

“I will sing it for you gladly.”

Sandor Clegane snorted. “Pretty thing, and such a bad liar…”

Dot-dot-dot!!! Sansa doesn’t offer to sing about just any knight saving a maiden. He never asked for a specific song. It was her choice. She offers to sing her favorite song, which makes it a deeply personal gift. So this scene was actually about an exchange of songs, where Sandor gave one that was personal to him as well. Sansa’s song is also a romantic one, specifically about a maiden who falls in love with an unconventional knight. He wasn’t prepared for that, nor can he believe it, and as usual, reacts with knee-jerk cynicism. She’s so pretty that she has to be lying that she’d ever “gladly” sing a song like that for him. You might want to follow up with this post on those other connotations of the song too because Sansa dreaming of Sandor in her marriage bed gives another ironic twist on having a song from her whether she “wills it or no.” Even without the sexual innuendo meaning, singing a song for a man is an intimate act which they are both aware of. It’s a piece of herself that she would give gladly to him “one day” in the future.

The problem that will prevent Sansa from being able to give the song gladly lies in Sandor’s immaturity, neediness, cynicism, and untreated PTSD. Fast forward to the bread riot when he’s high on feeling like one of those true knights she holds in high regard. He wanted that validation from her but feels deflated when he doesn’t get it in the way he hoped.

"The little bird still can’t bear to look at me, can she?” The Hound released her. “You were glad enough to see my face when the mob had you, though. Remember?”

…

“I … I should have come to you after,” she said haltingly. “To thank you, for … for saving me … you were so brave.”

“Brave?” His laugh was half a snarl. “A dog doesn’t need courage to chase off rats. They had me thirty to one, and not a man of them dared face me.”

So roughly two months have passed (according to the ASOIAF timeline) since the riot and this conversation. Sansa never even attempted to thank Sandor for saving her, which she acknowledges after some thought that she should have. For Sandor, it’s a twofold dud. Not only does he have to remind her, but the thanks she gives is lukewarm and rote. To be entirely fair, the riot was not a song for Sansa. She was traumatized by it. Even the manner in which she was rescued was rife with graphic violence that Sandor doesn’t seem to fully appreciate; however, I’m not sure Sansa would have been so negligent in thanking her rescuer if it had been Ser Loras. In fact, her nightmare about the riot is an acknowledgment that it wasn’t one of her preferred heroes that saved her. No one else put themselves between her and the mob. She would not be alive if it weren’t for the rude asshole with the terrible face standing before her. A little more gratitude was in order, but Sandor doesn’t make that easy either. He can’t let on that he cared that much about being her hero or that he was hurt and disappointed by her oversight. Again, he overcompensates by drastically downplaying it, acting like it’s dumb to make a big deal out of it, and just being an insufferable jerk about everything. We can see from the way Sandor framed the story to Arya he had fantasized about Sansa reaching out to him post-riot to thank him with a song. Florian and Jonquil, just like she promised. It was supposed to be the icing on the cake for his very song-like heroic deed. And maybe, just maybe, there was a little smidgeon of hope that she reciprocated his romantic feelings thrown in there as well.

So that leads us to the Blackwater. It’s always important to keep in mind that Sandor demanded the literal song. He was never using the word as a euphemism. He is also in the throes of a major PTSD episode and is not able to comprehend why his behavior is frightening to Sansa. So why did he have to demand the song at knifepoint? Why did he demand it at all? Why was it that important to him at that moment?

“Why did you come here?”

“You promised me a song, little bird. Have you forgotten?”

She didn’t know what he meant. She couldn’t sing for him now, here, with the sky aswirl with fire and men dying in their hundreds and their thousands. “I can’t,” she said. “Let me go, you’re scaring me.”

…

“I could keep you safe,” he rasped. “They’re all afraid of me. No one would hurt you again, or I’d kill them.” He yanked her closer, and for a moment she thought he meant to kiss her. He was too strong to fight. She closed her eyes, wanting it to be over, but nothing happened. “Still can’t bear to look, can you?” she heard him say. He gave her arm a hard wrench, pulling her around and shoving her down onto the bed. “I’ll have that song. Florian and Jonquil, you said.” His dagger was out, poised at her throat. “Sing, little bird. Sing for your little life." – Sansa VII, ACOK.

Sandor has deserted during the battle after he could no longer go on fighting surrounded by wildfire. He’s been labeled a craven and desertion is a crime that can be punishable by death. When he says he’s lost “all,” he means he’s lost his entire sense of self. Sandor Clegane doesn’t know who he is anymore. The fearsome Hound has been (in his eyes) unmanned by a half-man without any real martial ability. His military career and reputation have been torpedoed. He has no home or position anymore. Gregor already took everything else. Everything is crashing down around him, and he’s self-medicating the tidal wave of panic and humiliation with alcohol. The one person he can go to for comfort and validation is Sansa. If he can pledge himself to her, abscond from the city with her, be her hero again, then he still has an identity as a warrior and a man.

Sandor had been waiting for her in her room, lying on her bed like a scared little boy seeking some maternal solace. The way he says “Little Bird, I knew you’d come” sounds more like he had been silently praying for her to rescue him from this place rather than the other way around. To Sansa, the song is not only an inappropriate thing to ask for at this moment with all the chaos, violence, and uncertainty. It sounds downright crazy. He’s covered in blood, drunk, smelling of vomit, skulking around in the dark and grabbing her, but he accuses Sansa of being irrationally afraid as if she has no cause. He thinks she’s carelessly forgotten the promised song as if that was an obvious and sane answer to her question of why he’s there. All this suggests how greatly Sandor is disassociating from reality at this moment.

Offering to protect her and kill anyone that tries to hurt her is as close as Sandor can come to articulating his feelings for her. Some call it a declaration of love, which I agree that it is, albeit it’s a very misguided expression of love entwined with violence. He interprets her response to that declaration as her still not being able to look at his disfigurement, even after all that he has done for her and still trying to do. It makes him furious. This is where Sandor’s severe PTSD, his desperation to reclaim a sense of self, and his perceived wrongful rejection by her cause him to take a sharp nosedive into his darkest and most cynical beliefs: that Sansa has finally shown her true colors and she’s proven herself to be just another highborn brat. All he wanted was just listen to a soft, dulcet voice spinning some beautiful imagery to drown out the sounds of all those screaming, burning men. All he demanded asked for was to hear her sing about her favorite knight and recall a day when he felt brave and on top of the world. But damn it, she denied him this one small thing that would help him feel better right now. Even then he offers up everything he has to take her north, and she spurns it. No real fair maiden of the songs would ever be so ungrateful and impossible to please. When she said she’d sing for him gladly, she lied. She’s a liar. She saves her songs for handsome faces. She never intended to keep her promise. But fuck it, that song is owed to him. Might as well just take it.

Sandor is, of course, completely wrong and in the wrong here. A fact that will dawn on him as soon as the Mother’s Hymn registers in his brain and he can see himself with clarity. He came to her like a monster, not a hero. Sansa was right to be afraid of him and to refuse him. By Sansa touching his face, she is saying he did have her compassion and willingness to comfort him all along. She even has the grace in her to give it to him now when he least deserves it, which makes her even more of a true lady than she was before. It was the Hound she rejected, not him. His anger, fear, and cynicism caused him to see fault in her when there was none. He hurt the person he cared for most in the world and for that he tears off his white cloak, leaving disgusted and ashamed. The song then becomes a haunting reminder of his worst self rather than his greatest glory. This is why he finds it so necessary to confess taking the song along with his other failures and bad acts. To him, it was just as bad as letting Sansa be beaten if that gives you any indication of how seriously Sandor actually takes the meaning of the song. It was a piece of her that he didn’t have a right to and wasn’t worthy of. Songs from fair maidens are for heroes and true knights. Not for a gutless fraud like himself.

#valyrianscrolls #sandor clegane meta #sansa stark meta #sansan meta #i'll have a song from you #the battle of the blackwater #trippyl0ngstocking #good thing Sansa understood and already forgave him #but he still owes her a sincere apology #and he must find a way to forgive himself

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