#whatever we deny or embrace

[anghraine]

In honor of getting notes on my old Jyn/lesbian!Cassian post, I thought I'd finally post the revised version of the story's finale! This part was originally a gift for master enabler @ladytharen <3

title: whatever we deny or embrace verse: queer Rogue One/f!Cassian AU (6/6) characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso; Baze Malbus, Bodhi Rook, Chirrut Îmwe; Jyn/Cassian, background Baze/Chirrut stuff that happens: After five years of ups and down through the war, Jyn makes a decision about her future with Cassia. previous sections: prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four

PART FIVE

“You know,” said Jyn, flopping into the co-pilot’s seat, “we’re probably not going to die.”

Cassia’s attention lifted from a quintuple-check of her flight calculations. She always repeatedly confirmed the calculations, even though after five years together, the entire team knew she could make them on the fly, at near-impossible speeds. As far as they could tell, though, she didn’t use it as a distraction. It was just the usual paranoia that had kept her alive this long.

“Probably,” she agreed, with one of the faint, warm smiles she reserved for Jyn. “It’s a simple—”

“I don’t mean this operation,” said Jyn. “I mean at all, until …” She didn’t believe in jinxes, but until we’re old felt like tempting fate. She settled for, “It could be years. Decades. The odds are for it.”

She was twenty-eight years old. Only now had it struck her that she might see thirty.

-----

Two years after Jyn kissed Cassia on a shadowed turbolift, they had settled into something. Lovers, Jyn supposed, though it didn’t sound right. She only ever thought of Cassia as “Cassia,” and sometimes “she,” a she that eclipsed every other one. Cassia was the senior operative partnered with Jyn; she was Jyn’s closest friend; she was the person who trailed her hands and mouth all over Jyn’s body, painstakingly learning it; and she was the person who cared more about Jyn’s welfare than anyone left breathing.

Jyn didn’t care less than Cassia. She knew that, and flew into quiet fury the few times anyone suggested otherwise.

Cassia wasn’t among those anyones, and yet Jyn sometimes thought she believed them. Or believed the same thing. Jyn cared so much that she once fled from it for weeks, choking on the blur of affection and need and snarling protectiveness. Cassia never understood why, even after. Even now, Jyn suspected.

A full year and a half had passed since Jyn stumbled into an incoherent attempt at reconciliation that Cassia easily accepted. These things always appeared that bit easier for her; Cassia accepted her own feelings, whether for the Rebellion or Jyn, as compulsory and immutable. In fact, she seemed to care for Jyn in very much the same way that she did the Rebellion—no sudden jabs nor expectation of reward, just a truth that pervaded every cell and breath.

Jyn couldn’t be like that about anything. Moments passed when she didn’t think of Cassia at all, for no other reason than that she was preoccupied with something unrelated. But the smallest things could bring her to mind, at times so intensely that Jyn would have bled to have her near.

For Jyn, caring could never be something all but willing itself into existence, strengthened by respect and liking but independent of them, a star on its own path. She couldn’t be Cassia. For her, it was thought and heart and action, felt for reasons and chosen for reasons. She’d chosen Cassia, for better or worse.

Cassia did seem happy—occasionally lonely, and shyer than expected, but she lit up at just about anything, and lavished a high-strung affection on Jyn when she thought it welcome. In all honesty, it took Jyn a good while to recognize Cassia’s worrying and periodic lectures as affection, rather than the chiding they would have meant from Saw, or demands from suspect allies, afterwards.

Once she realized what they meant, she … well, she didn’t mind that much, now knowing why Cassia insisted on running through mission objectives so many times, or complained about Jyn’s fringe diminishing her range of vision, or went on about Jyn needing higher caloric intake, as if she had any room to talk.

But Cassia took just as long to distinguish unwelcome from confused. Beyond that, she could seem almost droid-like at times, recording and categorizing moments for later perusal. It felt a little as if she were hoarding for a long winter, unlike Jyn, who returned to her because she decided that she’d rather live in what moments she had than bleakly survive.

Jyn didn’t say love, or often think it. That wasn’t her; she never could reduce her feelings to words. But when she did think it, the awareness seemed to blast through her entire body, Cassia and I love you filling her mouth like electricity.

The worst, the absolute worst, was early on—when Jyn turned away and Cassia promptly withdrew from everyone. She didn’t do it the way that Jyn had withdrawn from her, but in a strange and awful Cassia way where she turned as uniformly pleasant as she was undercover. Cassia even smiled politely at Han Solo when she delivered a message from the princess (to whom he wasn’t speaking at the time).

“I’ll be damned if she orders me around,” he grumbled afterwards.

“She’s a commander,” said Jyn. “It’s in the job description.”

He blinked at her. “She’s a general, but that doesn’t mean—”

“No, she isn’t. She’s a commander.”

They stared blankly at each other for a moment. Then Solo’s disgruntled face cracked into a smile—not smarmy the way he could sometimes be, just amused.

“I was talking about the princess,” he said. His voice lightened further. “Is Andor sick or something?”

Jyn’s opinion of him jolted upwards. Apart from Baze and Chirrut, hardly anybody else seemed to notice the oddity in Cassia’s behavior at all, except as a sudden good mood. All the while, Jyn’s own dismay escalated, the flat misery of I loved you, I miss you climbing to no, I love you, I didn’t want this, I was afraid but it’s not what you think, I love you.

It was a rough nine weeks.

In fairness, it would have been five weeks if not for Cassia running away. Technically, she accepted a brief solo operation from Draven—otherwise known as running away. And then "complications arose," whatever that meant (classified), and something that should have lasted nine days took four and half weeks, while Jyn tried to ignore Baze’s sullen fretting and believe Chirrut’s assurances that Cassia was alive and healthy.

She’d wondered, back then, if Cassia even knew she had people worrying about her.

Sometimes she wondered if Cassia knew it now. She certainly looked surprised every time Baze or Jyn implied she’d be around in the future, if they all lived. She always had seemed surprised at that, even before the hellish separation. But then, Jyn couldn’t have said she didn’t feel the same.

Oh, Jyn rarely dwelt on the idea of losing Cassia, hardly allowed for the possibility. It was a possibility, of course. Cassia might abandon her, as so many others had done—but Jyn feared that less than she would have expected. Before they so much as kissed, Cassia had proven herself beyond anything Jyn could have imagined, or wanted. The weight of Cassia’s half-broken body, the scent and sight of her blood, still wafted into Jyn’s memory and dreams. More probable than another betrayal, much more probable, was—

She steadied a ragged breath.

Cassia didn’t lack self-preservation, as such. As long as her every breath served the Rebellion, or Jyn, she would fight for them. Not for herself, though she didn’t want to die—nothing for herself, frustratingly. It didn’t seem calculated risk so much as some fundamental quality of her being. If her death meant the Rebellion’s survival, so be it; if her death meant Jyn’s survival, so be that.

It was hard to believe Cassia would survive the war.

Jyn’s odds probably weren’t good, either, but it seemed different to her. She was reckless and determined, not sacrificial. Without difficulty, she could admit to herself that she wanted this or that. Only with the Partisans had she ever thought I want and not reached for it, and then only because she wanted Saw’s approval more. She might have dedicated her life to the cause, but that life mattered beyond it, mattered because it was hers and she wanted to live.

She probably wouldn’t. Probably, they would die together, and Jyn felt a certain consolation in that. And if she did live—she’d tried not to think of it, hadn’t ever followed this track of thoughts so far—if she did survive, she might well survive Cassia. Very likely survive Cassia.

The realization came as a hot jolt in her chest that crackled into her throat and gut. But her cheeks and hands chilled, despite the heavy evening air, as if the flash of panic had drawn its warmth from her skin. More bizarrely still, she was neither alone with her thoughts nor in any particular danger, just eating dinner in the mess hall.

Her food abruptly passed from unappetizing to nauseating. No, Jyn decided. No need to look for trouble when they already had so much of it. If that day came, she’d face it then. If it didn’t, she’d … not face it, she supposed. It was hard to imagine surviving.

But if they did, maybe they’d find their way, eventually.

-----

The day that Cassia turned thirty, they all celebrated.

It wasn’t a birthday celebration, really. Cassia’s official date of birth came from the combination of a) her stated age and month of birth upon entering the Rebellion, b) conversions of Fieste’s calendars to Standard, and c) a randomly selected number. She hadn’t known the exact day at six, so she didn’t know it now, and the droid-generated birthday held little significance for any of them.

Still, the recognition did mean something, their ranking leader’s record switching from Age: 29 to Age: 30. It meant more with the unspoken—unspeakable—knowledge that they might well see her, and all of them, live for much longer than that. They might survive.

“To living!” Bodhi cried, lifting his bottle of Corellian ale. He’d acquired good quality alcohol through what he termed my contacts, which Jyn was pretty sure meant I asked Luke and he asked Solo. But it was just them, tonight.

The rest of the team raised their own bottles.

“To living,” they repeated, and with satisfying clinks, gulped down their first mouthfuls of ale.

They’d made it about all of them, thought of it as about all of them, but Cassia looked flushed anyway. Maybe it was the ale. Maybe it was just a change in the light. Or maybe it came from the long gaze Cassia and Jyn exchanged as everyone laughed at something Chirrut had said and Jyn’s eyes lingered on her afterwards.

That wasn’t Jyn’s fault. Cassia almost never smiled fully unless Jyn did it first, or kissed her, but then Cassia would dip her head with a sudden press of dimples, and glance through her eyelashes in a way that Jyn considered a personal affront.

They all allowed themselves the time to celebrate into early the next morning, gossiping about various Alliance spats, toasting variations on the Empire’s dying and we’re alive, ha, and speculating about everything from which planets would join them next to Chirrut’s amorphous concerns about Princess Leia’s pregnancy. Among themselves, Jyn and Cassia considered it careless and surprisingly irresponsible, but tonight, they didn’t care.

Even after this many years, Jyn could hardly believe herself, contentedly drinking in public, pressed up against the arm of a person she’d shared a bed with for five years, eager to hear four friends talking about nothing of significance.

For herself, she couldn’t remember any urge towards speech in her life, or at least her life from the moment that she huddled silently in her parents’ hideout. But she liked to listen to the others’ conversations.

All of them, really. Chirrut with his mantras, Baze with his grumbles. Bodhi muttering nervously or irritably or, more often these days, mildly. Cassia’s low replies to this or that, or Cassia charming their way out of trouble, or—she tried not to think about it just then, but Jyn, Jyn, please, Jyn echoed through her mind, and so did the memories of lying in a haze afterwards, listening to soft, murmured words she couldn’t understand.

Cassia also whispered in Alderaanian when she woke Jyn out of nightmares and tried to get her to wind down. It helped, hearing Cassia’s voice without any need or possibility of comprehension. And Cassia used it during her own … thing. She got lost, sometimes, in her head. Not often, and never anywhere but alone with Jyn in hyperspace, the only time she felt truly safe.

She’d said that much to Jyn, and Jyn silently, expressionlessly basked in it. And Jyn also liked listening to her when—

Well. A lot.

After they finally retired to their quarters, Jyn waited for Cassia to switch on the lights and silently evaluated how tired she was. A little, not too much.

Without warning, Jyn tackled her and pinned her to the wall.

Cassia laughed. “Jyn, what the—”

Although Jyn didn’t much trust herself with words, they did serve their basic function of saying more than her face could.

“We’re alive,” she whispered, and leaned up, releasing Cassia’s left wrist long enough to slip a hand into her hair. Then she trailed her fingertips down Cassia’s cheek to her throat, lightly resting a thumb over her pulse.

Actions said more.

Cassia’s lips parted, tongue darting out to wet the lower lip, her eyes very dark as bewilderment flashed to understanding. Jyn always liked that moment—maybe not best, but near to it. With a familiar clench in her stomach, she pressed closer, sliding her hand back into Cassia’s hair and kissing her throat. Jyn could feel Cassia’s pulse rushing under her mouth, breath quickening against Jyn’s hair.

When Jyn scraped her teeth against her throat, Cassia drew a rough breath and tilted her head back. She couldn’t really be more obvious, but as always, Jyn took care to ask,

“Are we good?”

“Yes,” murmured Cassia, with a soft smile. “We’re good.”

-----

The battle below Endor, fought far away from their then-current mission, did not end the war. It would have done far less than that, if not for the Emperor’s death. As it was, the Rebellion threw the higher ranks of Imperial government into divided, scattered chaos in one stroke. The Empire surely would be overthrown; within a few months, they knew it was only a matter of time.

The certainty did little for Jyn and Cassia. They thought of themselves as members of the Rebellion more than the Alliance, driven on by conviction in the cause rather than its organization or most people in it. In the months after Endor, though, their work for the Rebellion became—different. Still useful, still needed, but less urgent, less military.

“Slimier,” said Baze.

Jyn and Cassia couldn’t disagree.

Intelligence operatives would always be necessary, of course, in peace or war. Cassia poked around enough to suspect that the higher-ups planned to transition the more successful operatives to government work as the New Republic formed, or to use them as groundwork for a New Republic organization of some kind. Jyn and Cassia regarded the idea with professional disinterest and personal repugnance.

“We’re doing this to free the galaxy,” Cassia snapped. “Not to sneak around for bureaucrats.”

“Exactly,” said Jyn.

They confined their discussions of it to the ship, where they now confined virtually any discussion of importance, and which they regularly swept for surveillance. Cassia and Jyn trusted their leaders’ ideals but not their methods, and held their privacy as sacrosanct. They had precious little of it, except sometimes on leave.

They’d rarely claimed their leave over the last five years, when it was available at all. Now they requested it as often as possible, especially after their more trifling assignments. As those took up greater and greater shares of their work, and recruits flooded the Rebellion, Jyn couldn’t help thinking of the future.

Would there even be a point when the Alliance declared an end to this, or would it just transmute into a new version of the Republic, piece by piece and planet by planet? The way the Old Republic had become the Empire? Her father’s research had begun taking shape as the Death Star well before Palpatine declared himself emperor.

The dream of running away, banished for so long, crept back. If they could see no end, could expect no end, then wouldn’t they have to create it for themselves?

If it were Jyn alone, she’d already be gone. But she had her friends to think about, and Cassia, her—

Five years, and she still couldn’t think of a word.

“Girlfriend?” Bodhi suggested, then wrinkled his nose. “No. That’s not Cassia.”

“Right,” said Jyn, flipping through files on her datapad.

“Lover?” he said, and they both cringed. “Okay, I see what you mean.”

Jyn gave this a nod of acknowledgment, not all that interested, but never willing to shrug off Bodhi. As she saw Baze and Chirrut making their way towards the table, she said,

“She’s Cassia. That’s all.”

“There’s got to be a word,” insisted Bodhi. When Chirrut reached them, tapping his way just ahead of Baze, Bodhi turned to him. “What is it called when people spend most of their time together and live together? Indefinitely?”

Baze thumped down into the seat beside him.

“Marriage,” he said dourly.

Jyn’s eyes widened, her thoughts freezing or burning into chaos—she wasn’t sure which. When Bodhi and Chirrut laughed, she forced herself to a slight smile, and heard nothing of what they said.

Marriage. She’d never thought of it. Not once. They lived day by day and month by month, particularly in those first couple of years. Jyn had allowed herself this is good, here and now, and only later drifted so far as what if—? But it was a what if of victory, of companionship, of something other than war, not marriage. Marriage made demands. Demands of the law, the Force, the future—a future she hadn’t dared contemplate until recently. But marriage assumed one, turned indefinitely to forever as far as the galaxy was concerned.

She didn’t care about anyone’s opinion, but she did care about the … shape of things, the boundaries and foundations she could depend upon in every corner. For one hazy moment, Jyn imagined my, er, friend transformed into my wife, across the stars.

Everyone would know.

Now, silently perched on the co-pilot’s seat, Jyn studied her datapad. Cassia lingered in the edges of her vision, a narrow blur of dark and light.

“We might live,” Cassia said, almost wonderingly. “I suppose so. I hadn’t thought of it.”

Jyn felt not the slightest surprise.

“What would we even do?” Cassia asked.

As far as Jyn could recall, this was the first time that Cassia had spoken of the future as a matter of we and not you. That grounded her, along with the clear gleam filling the viewport and scattering a residual glow through the cockpit. Jyn had always liked hyperspace.

“Oh,” Jyn said lightly, “get married and settle in a house on Naboo and grow kutabas.”

Cassia snorted. After a few seconds, Jyn bullied herself into looking over at her. The light obscured her, in an odd way—blotted out the shifts in color and expression that Jyn usually relied upon. She just looked amused and pretty.

“Our pay couldn’t rent a hovel on Naboo,” she said.

They got paid these days.

“True. And I’ve never grown anything in my life,” Jyn admitted. “I think I have a grey thumb. My mother used to hide plants from me.”

Cassia laughed outright.

As a companionable minute passed, Jyn returned attention to her datapad, berating herself all the while. She didn’t even register the background information that rolled down the screen, just forced herself to blink at regular intervals. At last, though, she inhaled a few deep, regular breaths, then turned to Cassia.

Casually, she said, “We could get married, though.”

All possibility of passing it off as a joke died within a few instants. Cassia stared at her, dark eyes wide and disbelieving. Maybe disbelieving? Damn the light; she hated hyperspace.

“We—” Cassia’s voice broke off, her lips still parted. She gazed at Jyn for another horrible stretch of time. It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but who cared? Jyn strained for something to say, but words came poorly at the best of times. “You actually mean—”

“Do I usually say things I don’t mean?” snapped Jyn.

Cassia didn’t respond to the tone, but she rarely did. “You’re asking me to marry you.”

“No,” said Jyn, and took some comfort in the tightening of Cassia’s face. She could at least make out that much. “It was a suggestion.”

Cassia looked down, and then slightly up again, teeth pressing into her bottom lip. In that instant, Jyn did recognize the expression: the same one she wore when Jyn smiled at her or kissed her, but far more uncertain.

“You’re suggesting marriage,” Cassia amended. “Between us.” She glanced around, only then seeming to note their surroundings. “In hyperspace.”

“It’s as good a place as any,” said Jyn.

“With your feet on my control panel.”

Jyn shrugged.

Two, three, four more seconds passed—easier seconds, for Jyn. She slouched comfortably in her chair, assured in her conviction that Cassia wouldn’t pass through minor irritations on her way to refusal.

With as little warning as ever, Cassia sprang out of the captain’s seat, stalked over to Jyn, and shoved her feet off the control panel with no ceremony whatsoever. Then she took another step, one that placed her directly in front of Jyn. With her hands held out, she said,

“I don’t want to talk about this from three feet apart.”

Jyn accepted that as reasonable, and let Cassia tug her from slumped to upright, and upright to standing. She didn’t feel the need to release Cassia’s hands afterwards.

For the first time in awhile, it took conscious effort to keep her gaze from drifting to Cassia’s lips. Not for the usual reason, either. A slight curl of her mouth kept disappearing and reappearing as she stared down at Jyn, echoed in the flicker of her lashes: a smile that could not quite believe itself.

Despite Cassia’s talk about this, she said nothing, gazing at Jyn with wide eyes and cold hands.

“Well?” Jyn demanded.

Cassia wet her lip, which didn’t help. “How long?”

With the ease of similarity—and practice—Jyn filled in what she didn’t say. “Have I considered marriage? About a week.”

“A week,” said Cassia, blankly. “Did something happen?”

For no reason that Jyn could identify, she couldn’t resist her own smile at that, one bright enough for her to feel it in her cheeks and about her eyes.

“Baze said we were practically married already,” she replied, readily enough. “He didn’t know he was saying it, but still. And I thought that—it’d be good to have things clear.”

Cassia looked particularly inscrutable. “To me?”

“To everyone,” said Jyn. “No misunderstandings.”

Again, Cassia’s eyes widened. Her grip loosened, and Jyn had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

“You want,” Cassia began, then broke off. “You’re proposing that we swear to … to this, to staying together forever, because now we’ll probably live long enough for it to matter?”

She could be very concise sometimes, without sacrificing meaning. It was one of Jyn’s favorite things about her.

“Yes,” said Jyn.

“And because you want us sworn before the entire galaxy?” she pressed.

“Yes.”

Cassia released Jyn’s hands, which for one terrible moment, threw all of her conclusions into doubt. Then Cassia stepped even nearer than they already stood, almost as near as they could get, and cupped Jyn’s cheek with one hand, the other dropping to her hip.

“Jyn,” she said.

“Is that—”

Cassia pressed her lips to Jyn’s, slanting breathless kisses over every detail of her mouth. Jyn had meant to demand an answer, but even after five years, all thought but yes, this, more fled. She grasped the back of Cassia’s shoulders, pressed their bodies together, caught up to Cassia’s kisses and deepened them. Heat raced from her spine all the way to her feet and the crown of her head, and she caught Cassia’s lip between her own, lightly biting it.

Cassia, Cassia.

Jyn settled a hand over Cassia’s throat, stroking down until she could feel Cassia’s life thrumming under her fingers. When they both parted for breath, they still clung to each other.

Cassia’s unsteady smile returned, settling in her mouth and eyes and cheeks. In that moment, it seemed like it might never go away. Between the light of the smile and the light of hyperspace, she looked radiant, something shining and dangerous.

“You think it’s a good idea, then?” said Jyn, feeling more than usually triumphant.

Cassia leaned down again, this time dragging her mouth to Jyn’s ear, her breath as hot and urgent as when she’d talked her out of murder.

“It’s a very good idea,” she said.

[astralazuli]

So there's that D&D class quiz going around, & I took it & was so deeply offended I got Paladin.

& so I have had conversations with both Bestie & Birdfriend about this grave insult & they both were like, "Well... They have a point?" & informed me that my desire to absorb hits meant for others & deep drive to help whenever I actually can & strong convictions make me a bit Paladin-coded.

& I am just so... Idk. It's just interesting to get glimpses of yourself from other people's POVs. To be told that my defining characteristics are protecting & healing others & being incredibly fighty about the things I care about... Especially as someone whose brain specifically fixates on whether I care enough, do enough, give enough... Yeah. It's just kinda wild.

Anyway, I'm now adjusting my self-perception to include the fact that if I were a D&D character, I would be an Oath of the Ancients Paladin & not a wizard & that actually that's okay.

[wontbyers]

I wanna read some really cheesy fanfic right now. I think because “We Belong” by Pat Benatar just came on.

[togrowoldinv]

Best Friend’s Mom

Milf!Wanda Maximoff x Female Reader

You wake up next to your best friend’s mom and she begins to seduce you

Warnings: 18+ please! Smut! Kissing, cursing, oral (R receiving), thigh riding, Wanda being a complete milf

Note: I woke up thinking about this. Enjoy!

Wanda Maximoff Masterlist, Main Masterlist

You wake up to the feeling of someone brushing up against you. Her breasts rub against your back as her arm comes around your body.

You’d slept over at your best friend’s house, but this isn’t her. You glance at her hand to see a wedding ring and those hands you would recognize anywhere.

It’s Wanda. Your best friend’s mom. When had she gotten in the bed with you? You try to recount last night’s events but you’re not able to.

Wanda rubs her hand over your arm. You turn slightly in her embrace to look at her.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Wanda says. She’s acting like this is completely normal.

“Hey Ms. Maximoff,” you say. You’re quite dumbfounded by the whole thing.

But god, she looks so beautiful in the mornings. You’ve had a crush on her for years, but that always seemed childish to you. She was never going to like you back or risk her relationship with her daughter to be with you. Plus, she was a church going lady. She wouldn’t ever go for it.

Wanda smiles at you, noticing you’re having a lot of internal turmoil. You look away from the golden smile. It’s too perfect. It’s then that you notice you’re in her bedroom. Not your friend’s.

“You couldn’t sleep last night,” Wanda offers an explanation when she sees your confusion. “So, I offered to let you sleep with me. You know, just to calm you down.”

“Oh, um- thank you, Ms. Maximoff.”

“Please honey, you can call me Wanda. We have slept together now,” Wanda says.

You feel your entire body heat up at her words even though you know what she meant.

Wanda likes that you haven’t made a move to get out of her embrace yet. She even dares to pull you a little closer.

“Y/n,” Wanda begins. “My daughter has already gone to work for the day.”

“Okay. I’ll just be on my way,” you say, finally making an attempt to leave but Wanda pulls you back towards her.

She leans down over you from the side and it’s then you notice her nightgown. It’s loose in the front allowing for her breasts to be almost on full display for you by the way she’s leaning. Wanda smiles amusingly.

“I think you should stay here and we can do something about this crush of yours,” Wanda explains.

“I- it’s not-“

“Shh, it’s okay baby,” she says. She places a hand on your cheek. Her long fingers brush against your face. “I’ve seen you looking at me for years now. No sense in denying it. Am I right, sweetheart?”

“Yes- yes ma’am,” you say.

“Oh those manners,” Wanda chuckles. “I love them.”

You can’t help but preen a little at the praise. You feel it in your heart and so many other places. Wanda shifts to move closer to your face. Her breasts rest against your chest.

“I’ve been looking at you too, y/n. You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman,” Wanda says. You don’t reply and Wanda grabs your chin. “Don’t lose those manners on me now.”

“Sorry!” You say quickly, not wanting whatever this is to stop. “Thank you for the compliment, ma’am.”

“That’s a good girl,” Wanda says. “Now, this can happen a couple of different ways.”

You swallow thickly in anticipation of what ‘this’ is. But you’re ready.

“I’m going to kiss you now. If you hate it, we’ll stop. If you don’t hate it, we’ll keep going. And I’d really like to see that body of yours under mine, so please don’t hate it,” Wanda says.

Her words are calculated, like she’s been planning this. Or at least she thought of it before.

“I won’t hate it,” you assure her. That’s all she needs to have the confidence to start.

Wanda leans down and kisses your lips. She starts slow, pulling the softest moans from you by just kissing your lips. When her tongue licks against your lips, you feel like you could explode beneath her. Nothing has ever felt so good.

“Have you never had a woman’s tongue in your mouth, y/n?” Wanda asks you.

You wonder how she has with such a reputation as a perfect Christian she maintains. Everyone in town knows Wanda is a dedicated servant of the Lord.

“No ma’am,” you answer, breathless from her kisses.

“Me either,” Wanda admits. Oh, that changes things. “Only my husband’s and he’s been gone a long time.”

Wanda’s husband died years ago from an illness. You remember holding your best friend’s hand as she cried over her father. The reminder is almost enough to make you stop this, but Wanda keeps talking.

“I really need to do this, okay? You understand right, baby? I’m still so lonely and depraved,” Wanda says, revealing a more vulnerable side of this. She wasn’t just attacking you with affection for your sake. But also hers.

“Yes ma’am, I understand. Do whatever you want to me,” your words slip out. You want to cringe, but Wanda just grins wickedly.

This time, she kisses you while using her tongue. You use yours too as per her want for it. You and Wanda kiss for a long time before your hands begin to wander.

You grab her waist and pull her further on top of you. She gasps at the movement but recovers quickly. Wanda moves her kisses to your neck as her hands reach under your shirt hem.

“I want to see more of you,” Wanda says. She shifts her hips down to yours so she can lift your shirt off. She’s pleased you hadn’t slept with a bra on. Her hands immediately move over your breasts. Her fingers grip already hardened nipples.

You bunch her night down up at her waist and pull it further up her body. You knew she worked out, having seen her leaving the gym a few times, but nothing prepared you for seeing her perfectly toned body.

“You’re so beautiful,” you find yourself breathing out.

Wanda looks at you through her long eyelashes. She smiles softly, appreciating the compliment.

You sit up and take the nightgown off of Wanda. She’s bare underneath. Not even panties adorn her body.

“Fuck,” you mumble.

“That’s quite the language for a sweet girl like you,” Wanda says, her tone a bit scolding.

“Sorry ma’am,” you say. But you’re not.

Wanda makes the move to bring your hands to her breasts. She keeps her hands on yours as you massage them and play with her nipples.

What she doesn’t expect is when you lean in and take the nipples in your mouth one at a time. You suck on them. Wanda’s head falls back in pleasure as she grips your shoulders to stay upright.

“Oh, baby. Keep going,” Wanda says. “That feels so good.”

You keep it up while Wanda begins grinding against your leg. You can feel her wetness pooling onto your thigh and helping her continue to move against you.

“I’ve imagined this so many times,” Wanda says. “You and me sneaking around and having sex.”

“Mhm,” you mumble against her chest. You’ve imagined it too.

“So many nights I- fuck-“ Wanda tries to keep talking, but her orgasm begins washing over her.

You keep sucking her nipples and holding the back of her hips as she comes against you. Her moans are musical as she reaches her high and comes back down.

Wanda rests her forehead against your shoulder. You rub her back softly and rest your head in her neck.

“You did so good, Ms. Maximoff,” you say, keeping that name for her.

“Hmm, thank you baby,” Wanda says.

“What were you going to say earlier?” You ask her.

“When?”

“You said so many nights,” you supply. “So many nights what?”

“Oh,” Wanda says.

She’s recovered now and she pulls away from your shoulder. She takes your face between her hands and kisses your lips soundly.

“I was going to say so many nights I had to fuck myself and pretend it was you so I could get off,” Wanda says.

Your eyes go wide at her words. And you feel the unresolved ache between your legs strengthen once again.

“Um- what did you imagine?” You ask.

Wanda makes an adorable thinking face and you realize it is more than just physical attraction you feel for her all the time. It’s really that you love everything she does.

“I imagined you’d eat me out,” Wanda says. “And then I’d do the same for you. Sometimes I’d imagine you wearing a strap and making me feel so good.”

“Fuck, Ms. Maximoff,” you say. “I hope I can live up to that.”

“You will, baby. I’d like to eat you out now,” Wanda says. “May I?”

“Yes ma’am,” you say, anticipation somehow calming your nerves.

Wanda slides down your body and leaves kisses as she goes. She makes you feel worshipped in every move.

“All of this for me?” She asks as she reaches your wet underwear. She slips them down your legs and dives in.

Wanda kisses your pussy before she switches to licking. She seems to know what she’s doing and you wander how.

“Mmm, all of this wet pussy is for me?” Wanda asks. She wants a reply.

“Yes ma’am. All for you, Ms. Maximoff,” you say.

“Try again,” she instructs.

“Oh- um-“ you stumble out. She goes back to work while you figure it out. “All for you, Mommy?”

“Good girl,” Wanda says. You got it right.

You lay back on the bed as Wanda takes your clit in her mouth. She’s enjoying this, having you all wrapped up in her.

“Fuck, mommy. I’m going to come,” you say. Wanda picks up her pace, sucking your clit like it’s her favorite thing in the world.

Soon, you’re coming for her. She revels in it, licking you clean and taking her time kissing back up your body.

Wanda kisses your lips at last and you can’t help but smile into the kiss. She does the same.

“That was everything I thought it would be,” Wanda says, a content sigh falling from her mouth. She lays next to you in bed and you two look at each other.

“Even better,” you say. “Let’s do it again sometime?”

“Why not right now?” Wanda asks.

You won’t argue with that. You let her kiss you deeply again and you tangle your hands in her hair.

You’ve never been so glad you went to over to your friend’s house.

And Wanda doesn’t regret convincing you to sleep with her the night before, even though you don’t remember the red tendrils telling you to go to her room.

That day it was all your choice. She just decided you needed a little push.

One day maybe she’ll tell you there’s magic coursing through her veins, but for now you’ll sneak around and sleep with her again and again.

[bioethicists]

the logic of pathologizing specific desires claims to stop moralization, but all it does is qualify them using absurdly circular logic.

"people who do drugs/kill themselves/hurt themselves have Done Something Wrong. but thinking that they are Bad People is cruel [true!], so they must have had a disease that made them do a Bad Thing even though they're Not Bad." or, more broadly "Healthy People want to do Good Things + Stay Healthy while Unhealthy People want to do Bad Things + Stay Sick. therefore, someone is who wants to do Bad Things is sick with a disorder that is tricking them into thinking they want to do Bad Things instead of the Good Things that their Real Self (which is being obscured by disease) wants."

do you see how this classifies anyone who desires something "unhealthy" as diseased + denies them full personhood until they embrace an identity composed of only "healthy" desires (with all "unhealthy" desires being an invasive Other)? why do we see this as this necessary? would someone become a Bad Person if the desire to do drugs or kill themselves was coming from Them + not a disease? why, if you genuinely believe that these things are not immoral? or do you believe they are ONLY morally acceptable because they come from a disease (so the person "can't help it")? if you feel like you need this model to understand your own experience, why? do you feel like it relieves a shame or guilt surrounding your experiences? why?

i need everyone to understand that, regardless of whatever personal attachment you feel to this model, the circular concept of "people who are too sick to know what's good for them (which is obvious because they are making choices which only sick ppl make)" is part of a logic that justifies all manner of degrading, violent + carceral responses to mad ppl/drug users/unhoused ppl. for every "recovered" person who embraces this model, there is a "disordered" person who resents it + that person will forever be denied the resources + social absolution "recovery" offers until they embrace it

[welcometomyoasis]

🐶 Sleeping next to Mingyu

mingyu x gn! reader | fluff | 590 words | no warnings

Sleeping next to Mingyu would probably be both some of the most trying and best experiences of your life. 

Let’s talk about the trying experiences first. I’m convinced that Mingyu is a blanket hog and that he snores. It might not be those loud snores, but it’s annoying enough that you get woken up by it and just cannot go back to sleep. You’ve definitely woken up in the middle of the night to yank the blanket back because you were freezing, or to pinch Mingyu lightly to try to get him to stop snoring. 

At the same time, Mingyu is just such a giant that he takes up so much space on the bed. It doesn’t help that he absolutely adores being close to you. He always scoots so close which means you get pushed to the edge of the bed (you’ve almost fallen a couple of times but we don’t talk about that). You’re almost always trapped in (or under) his embrace. It’s hard when you need to pee or drink water because there’s this huge weight on top of you. You literally have to wriggle your way out from under him. Of course, this means that you do get a human Mingyu sized blanket. Mingyu is a human heater. But that means during summer you feel like you’re about to die from heat stroke. Even if you have the air conditioner blasting, it’s not uncommon for you to kick the blankets (and Mingyu) off you. It does lead you to having a very sulky, pouty, whiney boyfriend but the respite that the cool air gives you makes it worth it. 

That said, sleeping next to Mingyu can also have its benefits. Whatever is so trying about the experience can be a blessing as well. Since he’s a giant, you have a giant bolster. You can always wrap your arm around his waist and swing your leg over his. It’s really comfortable. Plus, because he loves being so close to you, you’re always allowed to snuggle super close to him. Mingyu will simply stare adoringly at you and he might boop your nose or peck your hair gently while giggling about how cute you are. 

Pillow talk with Mingyu is also just so calming and comforting. Compared to his easily excitable puppy-like behaviour during the day, he’s more tame at night. You can talk about literally everything and anything with him, from just talking about your day, to your relationship, or you can even have deep discussions about your worries. Mingyu lowers his voice at night. His voice is soothing and it certainly helps you wind down from the day. You have probably fallen asleep to the sound of his voice more than once. 

Last, the body heat he generates does come in handy during winter. There is no denying that. The nights are usually so cold but they become cozy with Mingyu. Dim the lights, put on a movie, music, or just read a book, winter nights are spent under the fluffy blanket with you and Mingyu cuddling each other. Bonus if you are drinking hot chocolate, but it has to have tiny marshmallows. Mingyu’s orders. 

So, I guess at the end of the day, whatever inconveniences you have when you sleep next to Mingyu gets overshadowed by all the blessings. Overtime you’ll learn to deal with Mingyu’s sleeping habits and quirks. Afterall, it’s Mingyu. Your love, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Mingyu’s worth losing a little sleep over. He’s more than worth it.

taglist: @weird-bookworm @wonijinjin @babyleostuff

[igotanidea]

A moment of weakness: Damian Wayne x reader

part 1 : Family rules

***

Everything that happened after seemed like a blur.

Her hand in his when they were sneaking out the ballroom.

Escaping watchful gazes of both their fathers.

The rustle of her dress on the carpeted floor that muffled the sound of their feet.

And then.

His lips on hers.

One of his hand on her cheek, and the other on her waist as he was pulling her closer to him. Stubbornly yet lacking the proficiency his older brothers may possess. Which was perfectly understandable since she was the first girl to capture Damian Wayne’s attention. The first that put so much charm on him that beyond all that hateful, snarky attitude something much more delicate and caring started to bloom.

“I still hate you…” she whispered pulling back, feeling the need to make it very clear that this kiss was stemming only from that emotion and nothing beyond. Even if her ragged breath and dilated pupils were enough of an evidence of her lying.

“Naturally” he responded. His rapidly beating heart and the sensation of her body in his arms causing this young boy to almost tremble. At this moment, when they were finally alone for the first time in years since they have known each other he was torn in two directions. Not making a fool of himself in front of her and proving that he wasn’t a foolish boy who could be easily charmed but a strong, capable and dominant man. Regardless of the fact they were both seventeen.

“I hate you too. And if you think there’s something more just because of the fact I’m kissing you right now you’re gravely mistaken.” Damian whispered brushing his lips over hers again, already intoxicated and losing his cool head.

“Kissing?” she mocked melting into him and snuggling closer to his embrace “Didn’t notice…”

“Mhm…”

“We shouldn’t…”

‘You’re absolutely right…”

“No one should know about it…”

“No one will. You won’t tell anyone out of fear of daddy dearest, right?” he looked at her with eyes shining with the familiar mischief and mockery.

“And you will keep the steam out of your mouth due to embarrassment, won’t you?” she retorted, matching his level of sarcasm.

And then they kissed again.

Her hands in his hair, running through soft dark strands.

His arms wrapping around her securely as if never wanting to let her go.

Just a little moment of weakness they both would deny if asked.

But for now, with no one around they decided to indulge in the lack of rationality, with both intensity and shyness of two teenagers confused by their own emotions.

So good. So right. So messed up.

Lost in the best meaning of the word, as if the world stopped turning and even existing just because they wanted to cherish the moment.

Foolish little kids.

Torn from the fantasy by the sound of cameras and flashes of light shooting straight into their eyes.

“Damian! Damian, look here!”

“Damian, who’s your mystery girl!?”

“Come on, pretty one, smile for the picture!”

“What is your name girl?!”

Too many questions and sounds for the person who was not used to having any attention at all. And being attacked by paparazzi and reporters who were skilled in intimidating was simply too much for poor Y/N whose head started spinning immediately.

‘Hey, I know that girl!” one of the scribblers yelled “she’s the daughter of Wayne’s competitor on the market!”

Shit.

Now that was a problem.

While her first instinct was to run away and hide in whatever hole would appear first, Damian stood proudly without an ounce of emotion on his face, preventing her from doing anything stupid or reckless.

And that cold, strong façade, making him look just like his father, finally got the reporters to stop yelling and taking photos.

“leave.” He said coldly spurring on another wave of shouting. ‘LEAVE. You were not invited here nor asked to interrupt the private life of the habitants. Your sole purpose on this gala was to focus on the official part. Therefore, you are trespassing beyond your scope of passage. And that will not be tolerated. I will not repeat myself. LEAVE NOW unless you want to deal with the consequences.”

Under any other circumstances this would probably be grotesque, but no one wanted any trouble from the son of the Bruce Wayne aka Bruce Wayne himself, so the intruders finally retreated.

“Damian—”

“I’ll take care of it.” He retorted coldly moving away from her turning back to his cold self, hiding in the shell.

“But what if-?” she could only fear what were to happen if the photos of them together leaked into the press – or worse – internet.

“I said I’ll take care of it, haven’t you heard?!” he snapped.

“Oh I heard loud enough! You’re just not very capable in taking care of things, forgive my audacity. So are you really that surprised I’m skeptical about it?!”

“Don’t you dare—” he took step forward reaching for her arm but she wriggled out swiftly

“You stay the hell away from me Wayne.”

“No. you stay the hell away from me Y/L/N.”

“With pleasure!”

“Great!”

“fine!” she cried out crossing arms over her chest

“fine!” he barely held back from sticking tongue out at her

And with that they got back to the gala, using two different ways to not be seen together and pretended like nothing had happened.

***

The next day, Sunday passed without anything extraordinary happening.

Not a word from either of them.

Even if she was reaching for her phone countless times ready to shot him a quick message and check up if he was doing fine.

Even if he was one foot out the door every time a thought of her crossed his mind.

“Idiot” she was thinking throwing her phone away for a hundredth time scrolling through her contact list.

“Harridan.” he was smacking his forehead trying to get some sense in his brain throwing the coat away and retrieving into his room.

***

And then there was Monday.

One of those grey-clouds, rainy, windy Monday when getting out of bed and focusing on duties seemed impossible.

But from the moment she walked through the school door something felt odd. Just like in those stupid teenage movies she was met with whispers and furtive glances followed by malicious giggles and finger pointing.

The hell?

Y/N barely got to her locker when one of the most popular and obviously, the meanest girl in school crossed her way slamming the locker door into her face.

“Lisa.” Y/N almost rolled her eyes.

“Y/N.” the self-appointed queen B grinned like a predator “did anything fun this weekend?”

“Are you trying to make yourself feel better now or something?”

“Don’t you dare talk back at me, you little slut!”

“I’m sorry, what did you just call me?!”

“oh, it’s not just my opinion.” Lisa smiled mockingly “the whole internet keeps talking about the entertainment you got yourself on Saturday.”

“What--?”

Lisa clicked on something in her phone and put the screen into her face.

So it was officially settled.

Damian fucking Wayne was completely helpless when it came to dealing with things.

And the fact that she was looking at the picture of them both, taken at the gala, showing each details of them kissing and holding each other was enough of a prove.

All the problems stemming from the leak put aside as she focused on one thing and one thing only.

She was going to kill him.

***

Meanwhile Damian was greeted in school with charming smiles and encouraging shouts.

It’s always easier for the boys.

“Was she good?” one of the boys smirked at him.

“What-?”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Was she good?”

“Huh?” none of that were making any sense to Damian who frowned in confusion.

And then he saw the same photo and the blood drained from his face.

Someone was going to pay for this.

That is- if he could actually convince Y/N that he had nothing to do with the publishing of it. That it was his intention to actually protect her himself from scandal.

However, judging by the way she was walking his way, with the rage of a buffalo, it was going to be rather complicated.  

@gabriiiiiiii @6000-fandoms @jinviktor

[punkpandapatrixk]

❤️‍🩹I Just Want to be Loved ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

We attract terrible loves for various reasons; so many lessons; but now sorrow has got to lessen. Let’s reveal patterns by exhuming roots. We’ve got to stop this cycle of disappointments. Done being made to feel as if we’re hard to love.

We’re not hard to love. Many of us were simply denied love, warmth and affection as we were growing up… Don’t know how to love self; don’t know how to love others; basically don’t know how to even receive Love… Who’s to blame now?

Why the hell were so many children denied love, warmth, affection…?

What are you going to do with yourself when you were denied love, warmth and affection as you were growing up?

☆♪°・.

‘The child who isn’t embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.’ – an African proverb

People denied warmth and affection tend to fall into a desperate loop of fishing for attention as a result of love-deficiency, right? Some learn to lick love off a knife; some pursue success (whatever that means) all too frantically; some…shoot complete strangers in broad daylight; and some who ain’t got the guts to murder complete strangers in public places go instead for antagonising strangers on social media… Gosh, that is desperate.

But you know what, not all hope is lost because there’s still plenty of us who are blessed with this incredibly RARE thing called self-awareness. There are plenty of us who will take our traumas to the graveyard than pass them down the next generations.

You, don’t deserve to have your sanity and your Life ruined by some psychos who didn’t know how to love you. Reclaim lost pieces of yourself by understanding THREE Houses in your natal chart, babe:

4th House: your roots; tells you what was lacking in your home; explains your erratic 10th House ambitions

8th House: your marriage or your desire for a bond like it; this the House where trauma manifests itself in full spectrum

11th House: your wish fulfilment; where you connect with people who support your visions; breeds a healthy sense of connection, even community

SONG: Emptiness by BoA

MOVIE: Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Because I Can’t Even Trust Myself

VIBE: Trust by Hamasaki Ayumi

lost pieces (pertaining to 4th House) – Ace of Pentacles Rx

It’s clear your childhood didn’t offer a sense of stability or security—the physical kind that children usually need. It could be that a grownup left early or it could be that you moved around a lot, so you easily lost contact with new friends you’d just made. In essence, it feels like you grew up feeling ‘everything disappears eventually; everyone leaves eventually’.

Some of you might’ve grown up not having a lot of material resources, but for the majority of you tuning into this Pile, it was more a feeling of a lack of warmth. For children, the pain of neglect and a lack of emotional connection do really affect our physical health more severely. You might’ve grown up poor and sickly due to all the grownups around you being inattentive, unaffectionate, and just…unreliable at best.

Because of this awareness, from a young age you realised you would have to do everything yourself. You wanted to grow up quickly and do your own things your own ways. It’s not like you had to grow up fast, you wanted to grow up fast to have your freedom and power! It was…hard to trust adults. It was hard to trust the world at large.

growing pains (pertaining to 8th House) – 8 of Pentacles

On the path of growing up, I think you became a hard worker of sort? This is very nuanced though—there are layers to your developing yourself to become a hardworking person. In many ways, you grew up responsible because you didn’t want to become like the adults who had disappointed you. But since this sense of ‘responsibility’ is a product of neglect and trauma…this is coming off as your feeling responsible for everything. Everything!

Some of you could’ve been too hard on yourself, expecting way too much for your age. You’ve felt like you’re always the one with everything to prove. It’s hard living like that. It feels like you’ve put so much effort into keeping everything together, and yet, nobody sees how much you care. Nobody truly understands the fear in your mind and pain you carry in your heart.

In matters of relationship, you cling extra hard to friends or lovers, too; because deep down you’re afraid of losing things and people, again and again. This unhealthy attachment—and to some extent, controlling behaviour—is truly your wounded inner child attempting frantically to keep your Reality from falling apart…

reclamation (pertaining to 11th House) – 4 of Cups

I’m very sure that at some point in Life, your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides are going to kick in and meddle with your Earthly business. For some people, it’s possible you could lose contact with everybody you’ve ever known in Life and go into a hermit mode to find yourself again. For some, it could be that your whole Life is simply flipped, without necessarily losing key people in your Life, for you to look at Life and human connections from a very different point of view.

It’s going to be hard, of course. Emotionally, it could be devastating. Themes of abandonment and betrayal are big in your incarnation. But you know, ultimately, all of these challenges serve to remind you that the Cup of Love and Affection you’ve been looking for has always been right inside of you. You’ve had a bitter time with a lot of people because deep down you couldn’t trust them. You couldn’t trust other people’s loyalty because you didn’t even believe that you’re worthy of that Love and Loyalty you yearn for.

Your Spirit Guides are saying, that although at some point in Life things are going to get really tough, know that when you’ve graduated those lessons, you’re going to be rewarded with the most beautiful Soulmate-shit friendships, familyship and relationship. Truth be told, part of your Soul’s scenario in this incarnation is to find your Soul Tribe; and find your Tribe you shall~

A L O N E🔻💗

ALL of you – Red Alchemist (John Dee)

becoming ONE and whole – Priestess of Healing

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Misled by My Own Compassion

VIBE: Cry Me A River by Julie London

lost pieces (pertaining to 4th House) – Knight of Cups

It’s very likely your 4th House is in a Water sign, but if not, you’re still very much a Water-y person; perhaps your Ascendant or Moon is in a Water sign, or that you have Neptune/Moon near/in your 4th, 7th or 11th House. All of this generally makes you a deeply compassionate person. No matter what outer appearances give, you strive to look deeper into a person’s Soul. You have so much empathy and you want to believe in the good of people.

Alas! This rotten world doesn’t make it too easy. This world is not a world where kindness and compassion are truly rewarded, if we don’t learn to be a tad cruel ourselves. You’re not in the wrong for being so genuinely good and compassionate; it’s this world that’s the wrong world. You know that? Therefore, it is paramount you learn to be a bitchilante! But I’m getting ahead of myself.

In spite of this PAC’s intro, I sense the majority of you tuning into this Pile actually grew up quite well. Many of you actually grew up in loving homes and that’s why it’s been quite challenging for you to grapple with the realness of the ugliness of the world outside of your loving home. Really…people in the real world…are monsters! And you were taken aback!

But some of you instead most likely grew up in chaotic, battlefield-esque homes and that’s why you’ve striven to be so good to a point of detriment.

growing pains (pertaining to 8th House) – 0 The Fool Rx

Be that as it may, you being you… Well, you do put in the effort to try and understand what makes monsters the way that they are, right? It’s all good and wonderful, until you get yourself in deep trouble where nobody can save you but your own monstrosity. Depending on your age when reading this, this could be something that’s happened in the past or will happen; where you will be forced to grow up in the sense of seeing the world as it is and get firm with assholes!

Dr Jordan Peterson has this gold shit to summarise this spiritual lesson you will be taking at some point in Life: ‘You should be a monster, an absolute monster, and then you should learn to control it.’ Well, that’s male speech. In female speech, we just say: ‘you gotta grow up and be a bitchilante!’

Be a bitch only to those who deserve it. How would you protect yourself from monsters if you don’t have the strength to fight them at their own game, darling? If you’re harmless, weak as a fawn, if anything, the real monsters in the world are going to toy with your sanity: ‘I saw my “crazy” side once and decided I wouldn’t be involved with anyone that would take me out of my peace like that ever again.’

Be a bitchilante. That whole concept of ‘good, harmless, love and light, positivity-only’ bullshit was put out there not to really make you good but to weaken you against the truly monstrous ones. WAKE UP, BITCH!

reclamation (pertaining to 11th House) – 4 of Pentacles

So? So what if you’re selective with your affection? Not everybody deserves your compassion. That’s for sure. There are many people in the world and you can’t be nice to all of them. One at point or another, you’re gonna be a villain in someone’s story—so what? Everybody else is the main character of their own Stories; that, you can’t control.

Be careful that you’re not falling victim to your own narcissism in wanting to be praised in everybody’s Story, yeah? So then, pertaining to your 11th House, weirdly enough, your wish fulfilment is in the form of a psychological liberation from your own idea of yourself in the minds of others. I sense that if you’re East Asian this is gonna resonate much harder and louder LOL

Anyway, I want to assure you that once you’ve graduated from your spiritual lessons, you will be met with unique, courageous, rebellious weirdos who will be just as clear as you are about what it truly means to be a good person in a world that’s often very bad. How good should a person be to truly be considered a good person?

‘If I offended you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears eating chips and working on my tan.’ – Fuckology

A L O N E🔻💚

ALL of you – Green Geographer (Gerardus Mercator)

becoming ONE and whole – Priestess of Success

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Lights Out; I’m Out to Find Myself

VIBE: To. X by Taeyeon

lost pieces (pertaining to 4th House) – Ace of Cups Rx

I’ve to preface this Pile by saying this the pile that gets a little violent…

You were originally such a positive, happy-go-lucky kid, but quite early on, this world gave you so much darkness. So many reasons to be sad. It’s not been a very kind life, to be honest. Defo many of you have tragical placements here—your 4th or 5th House could start or end in Scorpio; have Lilith/Pluto/Chiron/Saturn there or in the sign of Cancer/Pisces; or it could be that your Venus/Moon is imprisoned in the 8th or 12th House and harshly aspected, too...

If your childhood has been violent or mightily confusing, it’s a group thing, OK? You can think like that. It’s not your fault. Know that practically everybody who has these harsh placements has gone through very similar things as you. So you’re really not the only one who’s failing—whatever that means. You’ve been gaslit a lot into believing there’s something wrong with you, but it was your environment that was just filled with totally terrible Human beings. That much I’d like to assure you.

It wasn’t natural how you were abused psychologically and emotionally. The people around you drew a parallel to Cinderella’s stepsisters in the Disney classic. It’s ridiculous like that. I think you grew up terribly lonely and created comfort characters in your head to console your sorrows? It’s very likely that your comfort characters were in actuality a mirror fragment of your Soul Family’s existence locked in your memory bank.

growing pains (pertaining to 8th House) – XIV Temperance Rx

Life, unfortunately, isn’t a Disney movie. As a result of the psychological and emotional abuse you’ve endured in childhood, your friendships and relationships might’ve been quite turbulent, at times even violent. Juuust a small number of you could’ve dealt with being called a violent kid, or you could’ve struggled with anger management and have terrible tantrums. All of these have made human connections quite difficult to navigate.

It’s not like you want to be a nasty person, right? Many times, you couldn’t help the way you react/respond to what’s being said and unsaid because, somehow, there are many things that people do and say that trigger a trauma response in you. There’s a very difficult Mars thingy going on here. I think many of you resonating with this Pile have some difficult Mars (ruler of Scorpio) placements/aspects that affect the way you manifest human connections in your Life.

Speaking in terms of synastry, it could be that you’ve attracted a great deal of people whose Mars aspected badly in your natal chart—consequently triggering bad traumas and manifesting violent outbursts in your connections. Ultimately though, these negative experiences with other people could’ve enforced your belief about how unlovable you are, which, really, is a false belief…

reclamation (pertaining to 11th House) – 5 of Wands

It is a false Reality that you’re unlovable or unworthy of a healthy relationship. That bullshit was implanted in you through the creation of a harsh environment that caused you a great deal of rage. Of course, you’re accountable for how you behave towards other people, but your foundation was never quite healthy or peaceful or harmonious, so… How about we put it all behind us and focus on healing? After all, it’s not like the people you’ve had a beef with were completely innocent? XP

It's kinda selfish to think like that, but you can depend on your own discernment to distinguish who amongst the people you’ve hurt or had a beef with to apologise to. Remember: sometimes apologies only make you weaker and looking at the unique bullshit astrological placements you were born with… apologising to the wrong fucker would only get you gaslit even more! So, don’t. Don’t apologise for the distress you experienced under other people’s lack of support.

Burn that bridge and detach yourself from that old stinking world. With your sheer willpower, you have it in you to rebuild your own little world of love and peace. After all, those harsh placements you were born with, are you aware of just how much power they bestow you? These placements come with a lot of turbulences but once you graduate your first Saturn Return, they also give you a burst of power unlike any other!

Lights out. Not entertaining aenergies that seek to nip your power at the bud anymore. Burn, baby, burn strong! Burn the whole Tower and find yourself on new lands~!

A L O N E🔻💜

ALL of you – Gold Alchemist (Roger Bacon)

becoming ONE and whole – Priestess of Solitude

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

[sashaforthewin]

The mosh pit was intense. 

Steve had never been to a concert with moshing, but after a few moments of assessing the situation while trying to protect Dustin, he got the hang of it. There seemed to be one main focused clump of violence and then the edges where people were taking hits but not giving them. Steve instinctively knew this was where he was meant to go, so he positioned himself between the moshers and his charge. Dustin, unfortunately, seemed completely clueless and kept trying to get around Steve to get in on the fun. 

Upon closer observation, Steve noticed that the pit, while chaotic, wasn't actually as violent as he first thought. If someone went down, everyone around them pulled the person up. No fists were colliding. It was wild and bodies were slamming into each other, but it didn't seem life-threatening. So Steve looked at Dustin and said, "once around and then back here," before stepping aside and letting Dustin into the chaos.

Steve's eyes tracked Dustin's progress around the pit while he continued to take the hits the people behind him clearly didn't want to take. Bodies slammed against him, but there was something about it that was starting to be fun. There was a sort of camaraderie to the whole thing.

The moshing was moving in a sort of slow clockwise rotation, seemingly without anyone consciously choosing to do so. But then a guy slammed into Steve from the opposite direction, swimming against the stream, as it were, laughing and smiling. He looked at Steve and then did a double take.

"Hi," the guy said, now standing still within the mosh pit, unphased by the bodies slamming into him from all angles as he took Steve's hand in a slow shake, staring at him with huge dark eyes and a wide smile. 

"Hi," Steve responded. 

"I love your hair!" The guy said, still holding onto Steve's hand.

"Thanks, I love your vest!"

"Thanks, do you-" he started to ask but was cut off when the pit started to speed up and everyone started slam-dancing in a faster rotation. The guy was swept away into the circle and Steve lost sight of him.

Steve blinked. Then he saw Dustin, whose loud shirt was much easier to spot at a distance, and yanked him out of the circle pit. He could sort of see the guy every once in a while but the pit had him now so Steve continued his barrier duties of protecting the general crowd from the moshing and Dustin continued enjoying the raucous music.

As soon as the song ended, the guy popped back up next to Steve. 

"I love your energy, by the way. I haven't seen you at any shows around. I'm Eddie," he said, flirty, taking Steve's hand again, not really shaking it but more formal than the typical holding hands. 

"I'm Steve. Ow, and this is Dustin who I babysit because he is an immature little child," Steve said, rubbing the back of his leg where Dustin had kicked him.

Dustin was glaring.

"Dude, you don't have to call it babysitting, I'm fifteen."

"Don't worry, little fella, maybe your hot babysitter will invite me over some night he's watching you so we can hang out without you after your bed time."

"Ew. Also, he makes out with women, he likes women," Dustin proclaimed. 

"And more," Steve shrugged, still staring and smiling at Eddie. 

"More, huh? Well I am most definitely more."

Steve had never gone after a guy before, but he couldn't deny the appeal of someone so obviously really attracted to him. His inability to tell if he liked someone or if he liked that they liked him had caused him issues in the past and it sure wasn't showing signs of stopping any time soon, so he just embraced it. He was always willing to give it a shot and see what happened. 

So, with that in mind they exchanged numbers and then got to chatting. Dustin got bored and snuck off back to the mosh pit and Steve decided he could deal with whatever consequences he ended up with, which later turned out to be a bunch of bruises and a bloody, but unbroken, nose. 

But in the meantime, Steve and Eddie discovered they were both in Chicago for the concert and were actually both from the same town, though about as far away from each other as they could possibly live while still being in the town limits. They made plans to hang out at the Hideout the following weekend just in case they lost each other's numbers, and then they were rudely interrupted by Dustin turning up with blood pouring out of his nose. Eddie grabbed them some bar napkins and Steve decided they'd better call it a night. 

"Here, little man, we can trade shirts so you don't have to jumpscare your parents with gore. I like Weird AL and I don't mind being covered in blood. That sounded weird, don't take that the wrong way, Steve."

After some grumbling, Dustin and Eddie swapped shirts. Steve thanked him for being so considerate and kind by pulling him in by the hand and placing a small kiss on his lips, which Eddie eagerly reciprocated and the two made out hot and heavy for a moment until Dustin yelled at them and dragged Steve away.

Eddie just stood there smiling and watching his future husband get pulled out of the club by a disgruntled teen now rocking a Corroded Coffin shirt. After they were out of sight, he sighed wistfully and then headed back into the new circle pit that was just forming. 

[anghraine]

"whatever we deny or embrace" - fic (part 4)

/shows up four years later with zero explanation and an old moodboard

title: whatever we deny or embrace verse: queer Rogue One/f!Cassian AU (5/6) characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso; Jyn/Cassian stuff that happens: Cassia and Jyn navigate their relationship after the destruction of the Death Star (originally posted as a stand-alone fic, cleaned up for this) previous sections: prologue, part one, part two, part three

PART FOUR

Jyn didn’t begrudge the Rebels their victory celebrations, which extended for several weeks, at least at night. She didn’t even think of herself as separate from the Rebellion, exactly—not after Scarif.

It was just … crowded. Very crowded, considering that this particular cantina grew out of a skeletal base on Solis 2, where her team had just arrived with some soldiers and senators. And it was loud. Easily as loud as Massassi’s cantina. She could endure that, had endured it many times, but she didn’t want to. And this was not a time for doing anything she didn’t want to.

Searching for a discreet exit, Jyn must have betrayed some part of what she felt. She didn’t usually, and nobody seemed to be paying particular attention to her—she’d taken care to wedge herself behind Baze—but suddenly, she felt Cassia’s mouth near her ear.

Only the habits of years kept Jyn motionless. Her blood ran cold, or maybe hot; she couldn’t tell the difference.

“Do you want some fresh air?” Cassia murmured.

Jyn tried not to look too grateful.

“Yes.”

Cassia shifted in some unobtrusive way that placed her at Jyn’s side, hand warm against her back. Jyn suspected the last was her imagination, since her leather vest hardly registered slight changes in human temperature. And Cassia ran cold, anyway. Jyn had shared her bed enough times (eleven) to know that it wasn’t some Cassia façade.

Platonically shared her bed. Jyn had even managed to platonically pin Cassia to the bed and straddle her hips, which took some doing.

Cassia made a smooth excuse that Jyn didn’t bother listening to, but which everyone accepted. More or less. Baze actually smiled—it was faint, but unmistakably a smile. That struck Jyn as deeply suspicious. But he didn’t say anything, so neither did she, instead letting Cassia maneuver them outside without incident.

(Jyn couldn’t remember the last time she’d tolerated anyone maneuvering her at all. Well, anyone else, since they’d done the same thing back on Jedha. Cassia might just be an exception. Sometimes.)

As soon as the doors snapped together behind them, Jyn’s tensed muscles relaxed. Cassia drew a breath of the base’s crisp, cool air.

“That’s better.”

Jyn shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Beer and sweat not your favourite smells?”

Cassia kept her—their—quarters in pristine order, regardless of where those quarters happened to be. Jyn herself couldn’t have cared less, but once she realized that Cassia didn’t expect her to assist in any meaningful way, she shrugged off her initial irritation. If Cassia wanted to soothe herself with color-coordinating her clothes, fine. Jyn soothed herself with cleaning and loading her blasters, after all.

(By now, she didn’t just possess a nonzero number of blasters, but several, only two of which originally belonged to Cassia. That alone would nearly have made everything worth it, and … she had quite a bit more than that alone.)

“No, not really,” said Cassia dryly, heading down a set of stairs that led to a narrow steel platform beneath the main portion of the cantina. This particular base consisted almost entirely of platforms, square buildings, and assorted stairs and ramps, all in featureless grey metal. Jyn gathered that it had been cobbled together out of some abandoned Imperial installation. Or a Republic one, maybe. It had railings and everything.

“I figured.”

“And too many people,” Cassia added, her tone neutral.

Jyn eyed the back of her head. “I thought you were a … people person.”

“Really?”

Thinking back over the … five weeks they’d known each other, Jyn supposed it could go either way. Cassia always had something to say, but she wasn’t exactly outgoing. “You’re good with them.”

“When I have to be.” She stopped and leaned against the platform’s wide rail while Jyn caught up. “I like the quiet.”

That pleased Jyn in an indistinct way she didn’t care to interrogate. She settled for a murmur of agreement.

Suitably enough, they continued side-by-side without talking, making their way to the furthest wall. There they remained visible from the cantina, if anyone chose to look, but at least didn’t stand beneath the noisiest part of it.

It was nice. Jyn, not overburdened by self-consciousness, felt just enough of it to avoid saying so. But she enjoyed everything: the coolness of the air, not heavy like Yavin 4’s, the easy silence, the mingling light of Solis’s moons, the smaller two eclipsing the largest into a slice of gold. She had two blasters in her holsters, no enemies in the vicinity, and Cassia at her side, their limps all but gone. Without even touching her crystal, Jyn felt calm and contented in a way she very rarely experienced, far beyond her usual stoicism.

She didn’t look at Cassia. They shared quarters, a bed, and most hours of day and night, but while Jyn welcomed the eagerly yielding Cassia that now and then shattered her nightmares, she took care to separate dream-Cassia from the actual woman. At this point, she already had seen Cassia a) younger-looking and beautiful in her silly parka, b) drenched from hair to boots, c) striding past in an Imperial uniform that fit her much better than the Alliance one, d) collapsing in Jyn’s arms, and e) swathed in shadows under Jyn’s body. She didn’t feel the need to try herself further by adding gilded in moonlight to the rest.

Not that she’d be able to avoid it, really.

“Have you seen Bodhi?” Jyn asked.

“Yes, in the cantina,” said Cassia, apparently unperturbed by the broken silence. “Not in the best mood. I think he ran into Skywalker.”

“Again?” Jyn didn’t mind Skywalker in himself: rather liked him, in fact. He’d personally asked her if he could name his squadron after her team, and had possibly less patience for cowards and fools than she did. But for whatever reason, he and Bodhi had taken an almost immediate dislike to each other. “I don’t even know what they find to disagree about.”

Cassia paused. “Skywalker is attractive enough, isn’t he? I’m not the best judge.”

Raw determination kept Jyn’s eyes on the blotted moon. She blinked several times at it. “You think that’s why—?”

“A factor, perhaps,” Cassia replied. “I can’t say for sure, of course. It could be nothing more than Skywalker hating Imperials without much … discrimination.”

Jyn could understand that, in general. She rarely saw one without wanting to club them into a bloody corpse. But not Bodhi, who had defected and suffered and sacrificed, whatever he might have been or done before.

“We all hate Imperials,” said Jyn. “Does he think he’s special?”

Cassia’s hand tapped idly along the railing. Jyn would bet real credits she had a frown on her face.

“Maybe.”

Jyn would have blamed her uncommunicativeness on right, she’s a spy, if not for the fact that Cassia would tell her pretty much anything unclassified, if asked. She just rarely volunteered it, so Jyn—or someone, but usually Jyn—had to drag it out in pieces.

“All right, what did they do to him? Do you know?”

“Killed and burned his family’s bodies,” said Cassia. She paused. “I am not sure which happened first.”

A few moments passed without a word from either. Above them, somebody laughed, followed by others, before their voices faded into some other part of the room.

“Fuck,” Jyn muttered.

Cassia shifted again. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“No,” said Jyn automatically. “That’s not—that’s not fair to Bodhi, but damn.” She’d hoped it was a bit more mundane.

“None of us are fair to each other,” replied Cassia, her voice still more even. “Not always.”

That snapped Jyn’s resolve. She glanced over her, but Cassia was staring ahead, her back a straight line from her shoulders to the cybernetics hidden under her skin. Attraction seemed rather besides the point.

“I know,” said Jyn quietly.

She suspected it might be as close to an apology as Cassia got. Since I’m not used to people sticking around was as close to one as Jyn had offered, she decided she’d take it.

Expression softening, Cassia turned her head to face her, amusement flickering into her face. “Anyway, I think the unfairness has gone both ways with them.” She cleared her throat. “As it were.”

Jyn didn’t mean to smile, but she did, anyway. “You’re never going to forget that, are you?”

“I never forget anything,” Cassia said.

Jyn shook her head. “Then I’ll expect you to remember my birthday every year.”

Cassia’s low, startled laugh altogether banished Bodhi and Skywalker’s whatever-it-was. “If I know where you are.”

“Shouldn’t be hard,” said Jyn.

The amusement faded into something else, sweeter and more cautious. “You’re staying? You mean, indefinitely?”

Jyn thought of a good half-dozen responses, alternately snide and earnest. But she only said,

“Yes.”

Cassia’s face broke into a bright, dimpled smile. Jyn, who had not expected that particular attack, felt dazed. Just a little. Physical awareness flooded back, or became relevant again. The golden moonlight caught in Cassia’s eyes, her skin, even her dark hair, gleaming from within. The hazy glow of it gentled her features without weakening them, her face warm and pretty rather than starkly beautiful. For all of that, her eyes fixed on Jyn with the same elated intensity that she remembered from the not-apology in the hangar, and after.

Speaking of unfair—

“How long do you think we’ll stay here?” Jyn asked. “Assuming it’s not classified.”

Cassia seemed puzzled but undisturbed. “Not very long. We want to keep the small bases as unobtrusive as possible, and the rest will be scattering from Yavin 4 soon. We’ll need a new central base.”

“Colder than Massassi, I hope,” said Jyn, vengefully.

Cassia looked betrayed. Her smile turning crooked, she twisted back towards the base below them, though without the rigidity of before. “You’re the one who’ll suffer if we get stationed there.”

“I’ll live,” said Jyn. “Not all of us are delicate flowers.”

“Really, Jyn?”

Jyn grinned openly, leaning against the platform’s side. “So what about you? Are you hoping for anything in particular?”

Cassia’s fingers splayed out on the railing, then grasped it. She wet her lip.

“A few things,” she said.

Jyn gave up.

“Cassia?”

When Cassia turned towards her, inquisitive, Jyn didn’t wait long enough for fear. She stepped forward, curled her fingers into Cassia’s jacket, and kissed her for the second time.

Cassia’s lips parted in what Jyn assumed to be surprise rather than invitation, but within a moment, her mouth was pressing back, as soft and careful as in the turbolift. They’d finally circled back, finally—and then her hands slid about Jyn’s waist, up her back. It was so little, but Jyn felt drunk, heady and flushed all over, more than she’d been capable of before, maybe more than she’d been capable of in her life. She had her arms about Cassia’s neck again, fingers walking against the nape and threading into her hair, smooth and soft instead of stiff with sweat and blood. She pressed closer when Cassia tilted her head to slant her mouth against Jyn’s, both panting.

No, Cassia was saying something, whispering against Jyn’s lips. Cassia and her words; she always had something. Even now. A very tiny bit exasperated, Jyn slowed and forced herself to pay attention.

“Jyn,” Cassia murmured. “Jyn, Jyn—”

Jyn almost shuddered, fingers clutching in Cassia’s hair. She’d never kissed anyone who knew her name. Anyone who knew her at all. And this wasn’t anyone—she—

“Cassia,” she breathed.

They stepped back for air, because they had to. Inevitably, that first moment was awkward. Neither knew quite what to say, and it’d been so much even though it was nothing they hadn’t done already. But Jyn took in Cassia’s rumpled hair and swollen mouth and half-shy smile, and could only think, again.

A small breeze rustled past. Cassia shivered.

Jyn had too much self-respect to say I’ll warm you up, or anything of the sort. To go by Cassia’s flush and thinly-veiled pleasure, her face said it for her.

“That one of the things you were hoping for?” Jyn asked.

Cassia could have said something clever, or beautiful, or wry: Jyn didn’t doubt that she had it in her. But she just laid her hand against Jyn’s cheek, her eyes wide, almost stunned, as she smoothed the fringe aside.

Cassia leaned down and kissed her again.

[touyasdoll]

Like You

pairing: dad!Dabi/Touya Todoroki x fem!reader

word count: 0.6k

warnings: you have a son together, reader referred to as mommy, Touya has feelings

notes: just a sappy little idea I had. I live for this man as a father <3 best dad, hands down. and as always, he deserves the world.

You and Touya are enjoying a peaceful afternoon on the couch, cuddled up together while watching some tv in silence for once. Your little boy is being so good right now, just quietly coloring by himself in the other room.

But then it gets a little bit too quiet, so you get up to investigate, just to make sure that he isn’t getting into anything he shouldn’t be. Lo and behold, your suspicions were correct. You find him absolutely covered in purple marker.

It’s everywhere. His arms, his neck, his face. All on his cheeks and just beneath his oceanic eyes. He’d even taken his shirt off to color in part of his chest.

“What—,” you blink, laughing and shaking your head as you walk closer to him. “Honey, what are you doing?”

You reach out to take the marker from him, but he grips it tighter and takes a step back.

“No, I’m not done yet!” He pouts, looking down at his belly to put the purple ink to his skin again.

“Not done with what? I think you’ve done enough, sweetheart. C’mere, lemme see that, please,” you say as you hold out your hand.

Touya’s sitting on the couch waiting for you to return, though his parental senses are tingling. He’s about to get up and come to check on the both of you when he hears your laughter.

“Hey, what’s so funny in there?” He calls playfully as he gets up anyway to wander down the hall, curious as to what’s going on.

He leans against the entrance to the playroom and his eyes pop open wide when he sees the mess that’s made it’s way all over your son and his tiny little activity table.

“Tell Daddy what you’re doing, baby,” you instruct the small boy with a fond smile on your lips.

“I wanted to look cool like you!” He proclaims, the most pure smile propping up his chubby cheeks.

Touya’s heart clenches in his chest so tight that he actually clutches it, wearing the same expression you’d had on just moments ago, positively endeared by your son’s ingenious idea.

He’s always thought that he looks disgusting, even with the countless amount of times you’ve insisted otherwise. It isn’t until this moment that he starts to believe that maybe you’re not entirely wrong after all, but he’s mostly just relieved that his own child doesn’t find him repulsive and touched that he actually wants to emulate him. It’s the only time in his life he’s actually felt more like a hero than a villain.

“I’m missing the shiny parts though,” your son announces, wearing a pout that’s identical to his fathers, though Touya would deny that he’s ever pouted in his life.

“Well, I think we have some staples,” Touya says casually as he looks over his shoulder.

“Absolutely not.” You shake your head, laughing. “This is good enough. You did such a good job, baby.”

“Aw, c’mon, we can use that shit that you use to put your eyelashes on or whatever. That’s safe, right?” Touya jokes as he strolls further into the room.

You roll your eyes, though you can’t help the amused smile on your lips.

“Language. And no staples. Maybe we can find some tinsel or something though,” you concede. “And some body safe paint.”

“See, that’s why it’s a good thing we have Mommy,” Touya says as he moves to sit on the floor, ruffling the tot’s white hair. “You did do a great job, buddy. C’mere.”

He extends his long arms and pulls the tike into a hug, just in time to spare him from seeing the single crimson tear slipping from his seam, though you catch it. You reach out to gently swipe it away with your thumb before you join in on their embrace, pressing a kiss to your husband’s face and then your son’s.

[minarisplaything]

Blackpink in Your Area (p1) ft. Jennie Kim

Pairing: Jennie Kim x Male!Reader Rating: Explicit / Mature Wordcount: 1.6k Summary: After her latest performance you find yourself sneaking backstage with your girlfriend.

AN: some context, this was made...god around the time of their first world tour? so writing wise it might not follow the same rhythm of my current stuff. but it's a personal fave i've had privately that i figure fuck it i might as well post it now. if you want to read a TWICE converted version of this chapter with Nayeon you can find it on my AFF profile but this is the OG never published version. Enjoy!

"Where are we going?"

"Ssh. Just come on!"

The accented voice leaves little room for argument as the owner's hand pulls you down another corridor. It seems with every turn you get further and further lost — which is likely the point. However, Jennie seems to know exactly where she is going, a small comfort at least. She pulls you down another tight passage then stops, pressing you against the cold wall. Instinctively you hold your breath before realizing you have no reason to — or at least you hope you don't.

"Jennie, you're acting like we're running from the cops," you speak, your voice a hushed whisper despite your previous reasoning.

"They might as well be the police," she responds, glancing back the way you came.

After another moment, she must be pleased that there is no one following you and turns to face you, a mischievous grin on her features. Without a word, she cups your face with her hands, bringing your lips down to meet hers in a slow, greedy kiss. Whatever concerns or confusion you had previously begin to fade away as your hands find their way around her. It has been so long since you had a moment together that you had forgotten how easy it was to melt into her embrace.

She pulls back, her nose brushing against yours. "If anyone saw us," even with your eyes closed, you can hear the relief and satisfaction in her voice. The kiss had the same effect on you. "This would be over and my career would be on the line," she places a kiss to your jaw as she speaks.

It is a bittersweet truth. What you have is masked in darkness and secrecy; not even the other members of her group know about you. If it were ever revealed to the public, not only would the fans and paparazzi eat you alive, dating is strictly against her company's rules. You always said that you would end things with her before you ever let that happen to her.

You feel her palm running over your cheek, your distressed thoughts likely showing on your face as your brow furrows. "Don't think about that now," she presses another kiss to your lips, then another and another; giving you plenty of time to notice just how soft and irresistible her lips are. By the fourth kiss, you are eagerly kissing her back, your hands sliding from her waist up her back, pulling her closer than you already were.

This time around your embrace is needier, hungrier; as if every second you were living on borrowed time. You feel her hands move from your cheek up into your hair, fingers running through and gripping at the short strands. Her teeth dig into your bottom lip, tugging on it while she peers up at you with those killer eyes of hers. The sight alone is enough to make your heart skip a beat.

"I need you," she says when she lets go, "Right here. Now."

As she speaks, one hand slides down from your hair, running over your chest and rubbing over your slacks. Her palm encourages the bulge that is growing there and you cannot deny that your arousal doesn't just come from her but the fact that at any moment you could be discovered. It is exhilarating in its own way. Adrenaline and lust are a dangerous concoction on any night but here with Jennie, it seems especially so.

You agree without a word, only giving a small nod of your head before you are spinning her around so her ass is jutting out to you while her hands splay against the opposite wall. She is still dressed in her stage outfit from the earlier performance, which doesn't help to subdue your eager hands in the least. She is stunning in every way, yet when she is on stage she still somehow seems to magnify that. Seeing the outfit just brings back memories of watching her earlier that night.

"Need some help there?" A teasing voice breaks you from your momentary recollection. Jennie is glancing over her shoulder at you, brunette hair partially masking her features. She has a vixen side to her and truth be told, you are used to her taking control and being in charge, but you also know that you cannot let this opportunity she is giving you go to waste.

In return, you offer her a smirk of your own, "Merely admiring the view." Though given your time and place, this is hardly the moment for appreciation.

You push her plaid skirt up, your hand dipping between her thighs. "You've soaked right through your training shorts, baby," you try to keep the arousal out of your voice, but the husky facade cracks just a bit. Jennie moans in response; the notion turns you on just as much as it does her clearly. "Just how long were you thinking about this?"

At first, it is a rhetorical question, but as your wrist snaps back and forth, fingers getting her off over her clothing, you find yourself eagerly waiting for an answer. Jennie does not give any; her breath comes out in quick hiccups. She leans further into the wall, her hips pressing out closer to you in obvious need. "Were you thinking about it during your performance?"

"Y-Yes..." she manages, her own hand reaching back to grip your wrist, refusing to let you stop. "When I saw you in the crowd — oh god."

You can tell she is going further and further down the rabbit hole. Her New Zealand accent becomes more pronounced the more aroused she gets. An astute observation you have made over your time together. It is not the only sign either; she is biting down on her plump bottom lip and her thighs are clenching deliciously around your hand.

Satisfied with her answer, you lean over her, your breath hot against the shell of her ear. "Baby, we don't have much time."

The idol takes a moment before she nods in response, her grip loosening on your hand. Your fingers deftly move from between her thighs to her waistband, pulling down her spanks to expose her to the night air. You make quick work of your pants buckle, or at least you try to. Your own eagerness causes your hands to fumble with it for a second before finally getting it undone and unzipped.

"Oh fuck..." Jennie moans loudly as you slide your length into her, and it is the most heavenly sound in existence. In any other time, you might've clasped one hand on her mouth to muffle the moans lest you be discovered, but in this moment, caution is thrown to the wind.

You can feel your cock swelling even further once you are inside her; the walls of her pussy clamping down on you. It takes you one thrust, then another before you are in to the hilt, a deep groan rumbling from your chest past your lips as you take a moment to revel in the sensation. That moment is all you allow yourself, however. Comparing it to the earlier kiss that had been the slow and eager first embrace; what comes next is pure hunger and lust.

Your hands grip her waist tighter as you pull out of her, hips snapping forward to meet hers. Another delicious moan reaches your ears as she lets her head fall back. Each thrust is harder and faster than the last, desperate to be with her and to have her coming undone in pleasure. Of course, to do that, you have to hold yourself together as well, and that is no easy task. "God, you feel so good."

The sound of skin slapping together begins to fill the space you have tucked into, mixing with the heavy breaths and moans that fill the air. You lean over her, one hand moving to turn her face towards you as your lips meet in a sloppy embrace. "I love seeing you like this. I want to make you feel this good all the time."

Jennie only moans in response, her mouth hanging open as she takes every inch of you. Your free hand moves from her waist to her chest; fondling her breast through her top. You have enough sense not to be so aggressive that you pop a button, but it is a tall task. The last thing you need is questions from the costume department.

"Fuck, right there," her hand reaches back, grabbing at your ass to force your cock back to hitting the same spot. Jennie is so used to being in control that you are almost tempted to deny her request. And maybe in a different time and place, you would have teased her for a bit before giving in. Now, however, you do not even have control over yourself, let alone strength to tease her. All you can do is what she asks of you. Hips move frantically to fulfill her desire, driving her closer and closer to the edge.

Her nails dig into your skin, and you can feel your own release coming as well. "I — I'm close!" you grunt in warning.

"Hold on, baby. Hold on, I'm almost there... almost...!" she goes quiet; her body tightening as her mouth falls open in a silent cry, her eyes shut tight as her orgasm runs through her. Fingers dig into the back of your neck as she comes, and it is just might've been the most beautiful thing you have witnessed since her last one. Jennie has never been the loudest when she comes undone, yet it is still enough for you to reach your breaking point.

"JENNIE?!"

Suddenly, a voice cries out, causing you to physically jump back, your cock springing free of Jennie's pussy, cum shooting in the air. When you look in the direction of the out crying voice, you are both aroused and horrified.

There stands Jennie's group-mate and best friend, Jisoo, her face coated in your cum.

"...Oh fuck..."

[neoyi]

Okay, cool. I can finally talk about the absolute catharsis I felt after fifteen years hoping - dreaming - of this moment because holy SHIT, they did it. They goddamn DID IT.

VLAD GOT HIS REDEMPTION ARC.

Let's talk about it...

By the end of the third season, Vlad Masters had ostracized the entire planet by exposing his true self (why), demanding money and total command of Earth, and completely wailing on Jack Fenton, driving away the only member of that family who unequivocally adored the man where every other Fenton knew him for who he truly was: utterly despicable and incapable of seeing the bigger picture.

Because, after all, he is a villain and that's just what villains do. Villains want power. Villains want to rule the world. There need not be more than that, and in another show, there wouldn't have to be. As far as Hartman was concerned, there is only a binary Good vs. Evil.

You would be hard-pressed to view the Vlad in "Phantom Planet" as the same man who anguished in desperate madness when his perfect clone son died in his arms. That was a Vlad who, by that point, had taken his biggest gamble and lost. I guess one could see his reasoning in season three as a "fuck it all, what even is the point" mode. But while "Eye For an Eye" (tellingly, the last major script helm by former main story writer Steve Marmel... just saying) promised a personal conflict, by the end of the show, he's made it much more external, far greater than what he and Danny's interwoven plot originally started off as.

Vlad is pathetic. Vlad is narcissistic. He is egotistical, entitled; a bitter, arrogant man who lives in his dream castle with all the money and privilege in the world that would leave him content a hundred times over, and it's still not enough.

Money is not Maddie Fenton, the woman he loves. Money is not Jazz, a child that should have been his. Money is not Jack's friendship whom he denies severely, the only part of his life who willingly embraces him. And money is not Danny, who is a half-ghost like him, and by all rights, should have been his son.

No one else could ever understand to the fullest extent of their uniqueness than Vlad and Danny would to each other, and the latter, for the longest time, hated that. Hated the way Vlad talked down to him and manipulated him, hated the whispers into his ears with promises of grand power if he just joined the billionaire's side and become his ward, hated when he caved in just once in front of Vlad's eyes who responded with a smug "See, I know you" reaction. Danny was fortunate to have good moral compasses from his family and friends, but the thing is, though, it's not about the healthy support structure he had, because Vlad had the chance to get some, too. Jack and Maddie loved Danny no matter what he was, and dollars to donuts, they would have for Vlad if the latter had approached them with his problems.

But he chose instead to be bitter and miserable, taking it out on everyone and expecting them to fall into his train of thought. The show knew what he did was wrong, but until season three, never stopped repeating his truest desire: to find love and squash his crushing loneliness.

Hartman couldn't provide a damn on what exactly was Vlad's "destiny" in "Infinite Realm"; it was vague gesturing to excuse his villainy. He was more than happy to abandon the life he's made for himself and the woman he loved in spite of two decades of planning, all on a whim for whatever time period the Infi-map was willing to take him, hoping maybe this one will give him the unconditional worship that he thinks he's deserved (by force, of course.)

Because he's the villain.

And for the longest time, the show ended with the idea that Vlad deserved to be stranded, away from people, because he simply could not help himself. To be fair, there is a lesson in that - some people genuinely DO go so far that there really is nothing more we can do other than stop the problem before they cause any further harm. I'm not denouncing that.

What I AM denouncing is the the narrative plant that's dug its way into the greater plot where an older Vlad in "The Ultimate Enemy", realized what a fool he had been. What he wouldn't give to start all over and be a better person. You don't just give someone a sympathetic goal like "looking for love", constantly provide the necessary stepping stones, and not have it set up for something far more substantial than what we got.

And even then, even if it still ended with Vlad being too far gone, I wonder, should the supposedly original plot arc for season three had been made, would Vlad's fate there been far more appropriate than whatever cartoonish supervillainy he ended up as by the time "Phantom Planet" ended?

I cannot speak for Gabriela Epstein. I cannot say how much Nickelodeon allowed her to tinker with the DP world. All of this is presumptuous speculation on my part, but this entire comic feels like they looked at season three, particularly "Phantom Planet", realized what a travesty that was, had their work cut out for it, and went about to make a post-series finale story that still paid tribute to its ending while wiping it off the map.

Vlad's redemption is the crux.

Within just a few panels, Gabriela Epstein provided an explanation on the why of Vlad's actions circa-season three. The Infi-Map was aimless because Vlad's purpose was aimless. And Vlad's purpose was aimless because his need to be in control was a manifestation of his greatest fear: being alone.

"A Glitch in Time" recontexualizes why Vlad traveled across time in "Infinite Realm." It wasn't a generic bad-guy-wants-to-rule-the-world-through-latest-plot-claptrap, but an act of utter desperation from a man who had since lost the biggest connection to his very being: Danny.

It started with Maddie (someone whom Vlad only interacts once in the comic, but is an acknowledgement of his villainous origin, nonetheless), and it may still end with Danny.

Never, in a million, billion years, have I even thought about another redemption arc... for Dark Danny.

And I am kicking myself for not even considering such an option. I had pegged him so far gone, so far past the breaking point to think otherwise. Dark Danny was suppose to be the outcome of a Danny at his literal worst: a too-late, too-little scenario. Back then, it was a symbol of Danny's rejection of what Vlad expected and desired of him.

But the comic made me sit down and think about the implication of Dark Danny's very existence, that of a man who lost his family and friends ten years ago as a child. Like Vlad, he, too was alone, and had carried a tremendous amount of pain and anguish that his human half just could not bear.

Yeah, they died because of a time loop HE created, but that doesn't erase that he was born from a horrible trauma that he could not properly cope with. And Vlad, try as he might, did not fix it. All he ended up doing was separate a ghost - infamous for their obsessions, and now, as the comic established, a carrier of human emotions - to exist. And Dark Danny carried so much raw emotion that he retaliated very, very violently.

Everyone's respond at that time was to fight him and stuff him in a Fenton Thermos for eternity. I am not saying Danny wasn't justified in fighting his darker self because the dude legitimately caused massive damage and likely murdered a hell of a lot of people, I am just saying Dark Danny is the byproduct of a scared, lonely, traumatized child.

And what does he do? He tries to take what he thinks is his by any means necessary. Vlad got his wish, he got the son he wanted.

And he's facing him now.

And he gets it.

He finally fucking GETS IT.

Which shouldn't have been a surprise because his "The Ultimate Enemy" counterpart got it. He looked at the devil that he created and lingered as a hermit in regret. And now Vlad - Vlad Prime - reacted the same.

Only this time, he can fix it.

I did not anticipate that Vlad's redemption would happen at the same time as Dark Danny's. I didn't expect the two of them to link other than the latter being another number in Vlad's bullshit entitlement count.

I love that it isn't Danny who heals him, but Vlad. It had to be Vlad. In order to own up to his actions, Vlad had to look at the eyes of the boy he was entrusted and corrupted beforehand and apologize for what he put him through. And I don't mean just "The Ultimate Enemy", Vlad is apologizing for everything he's done up to this point.

He (temporarily) sacrifices his body to stabilize Dark Danny who has fucked up the time stream so much that he wouldn't be able to exist otherwise. And only then do the two of them get what they've longed for.

Vlad gets a son.

Dark Danny gets a family.

Holy forking shirt balls.

I have a lot of problems with alternate counterparts sticking around longer than they should in the "main" setting of a show. Usually I'm fine when it's an alternate counterpart demonstrated as someone the hero is trying so hard not to be, because it's compelling to see what could have been under different circumstances. It's another thing when you have another version of the main character running around doing their own thing. Multiverse characters are inherently messy just by existing, but it gets worse when they take away from the uniqueness of the central protagonist.

There's something awkward about two Danny Phantoms living in the same world, and in any other scenario, I would have hated it. But Dark Danny is of a vastly different background brought forth from a long, nuanced, engaging history between him and Vlad.

Danny's central journey - the cusp of the show - has always been the Spider-Man mantra, "great powers = great responsibilities." You are in charge of how you carry the burden of your powers. Vlad has been the one constant always challenging and belittling his selflessness. "A Glitch in Time" had Danny asking himself, what is his purpose? Who is he now that everything has been neatly wrapped up?

Writing anything about who Danny is means Vlad is presented in some way, shape, or form. They are so thoroughly linked to each other, and it's that link that simultaneously serve to push their own individual character arc, and their relationship with each other.

So, Vlad gets a son. Dark Danny gets a family. They get a second chance, and it is up to them to work it out. I have no idea if Vlad got his wealth back. Everything is restored as is, except Danny's secret identity is secured again (which I am 100% fine with except for one notable exception, but that's another topic for another day) and implication that Vlad was just a crummy mayor with no indication the greater public is also aware of his Plasimus mode (which I am also fine with.)

There's a part of me who thinks he should have lost the money and power he's accumulated because he gained them through his vice, but if he's back in his Wisconsin cheese castle, then he can damn well use the money he has to not only benefit the world (charities, improving human lives, funding Fenton Works ;D...), but to raise his son.

Dark Danny is going to have to adjust to the idea that his father is Vlad, something he was already expected to do so when he orphaned himself and moved in with him. But it's Vlad who has to work the most out of the two: as a parental figure - as an adult - he's always had a power over Danny regardless of what timeline they're in. Most of the time, he's abused it heavily.

The second chance Vlad has been given here means he has the ability to provide a safe, healthy environment. It's more than he deserves. He failed with Danny and he absolutely failed with Dani (another can of worms in itself; she's not mentioned in the comic, and I imagine it's because her story would need a comic of her own), he cannot fail with this Danny.

Vlad shouldn't have been given a child at all until there was a guarantee that he could work through his bullshit, but Dark Danny is a special case. He is a kid who needs a home and someone to love him unconditionally, and Vlad needs to learn boundaries while giving selfless love in order to be loved himself.

Clockwork gave Vlad a test, so get studying, dude.

This does not erase how Danny Prime feels about him. He may never want to forgive Vlad, and that's his right. He can acknowledge however, that, in order to help those in need of healing, a door can be opened, even if slightly ajar.

For Vlad, that may just take a bit longer and that's completely understandable.

Vlad can't have the kind of relationship he wants with this Danny, but maybe one day, they can be equals - friends.

Like christ, I think this is the first time Vlad has actually, genuinely asked if Danny was alright.

The comic was already good prior to this, but just knowing - understanding that Vlad was more than "a villain" - meant after fifteen looooong years, we finally see the promises of a brighter future for a man with shitty priorities, but a sympathetic goal.

"It's over, isn't it? It's over, isn't it? It's over, isn't it..."

[goldustwomun]

all of me wants all of you (s.b.)

pairing: sirius black x younger potter!reader

summary: something about your relationship with sirius black had never sit quite right with you, and now that he's back after two years of travelling the world, you're beginning to think that you'll soon find out what'll happens if the two of you finally fall over the edge of whatever precipice you've been teetering close to all these years. plus, you've got to work with him all summer, so what's the worst that could happen?

warnings: angst so much angst, some healing as well, hugs from a concerned mother, more angst, more angst, fluff?, actual communication omg, do you ever meet someone's eyes and just one look from them has you breaking down and bawling, yeah :) , not proofread but i'll do it in the morning!!

wc: 3.3k+

note: i've been on some sort of writing kick so enjoy these daily updates D: anyway can y'all tell i'm MISSING my mum. only four more weeks though! x

pt i. / pt ii. / pt iii.

You were elbow deep in a sink of dirty dishes, your Mum towelling dry the plates next to you, when you finally came out and said it.

“Am I a disappointment, Mum?”

She froze right there, arms poised and plate hovering mid-air. It was only a second later when she recovered, gently placing the dish on the counter when she turned to look at you. Her head was titled in that concerned way of hers, and you’re not sure what it was about the look in her eyes – of hurt and worry and love – but the tears started flowing right then and there.

“Oh, my love, how could you ever think that?” she questioned, tugging you into her arms, not caring about the water from your hands or the tears from your eyes soaking her new cotton dress. She smelled of chamomile tea and custard creams and home. And as much as you thought you hated her sometimes; her reassurance was what you needed most when the world seemed out to get you.

“You could never disappoint me or Da’, you know that.” She pulled back, forcing you to look up into her eyes, noticing the shimmer across her own irises. “Tell me you know that my sweetest girl.”

“I—” and your voice broke but you kept going— “I don’t know if I do.” With a deep breath you tried to explain it all. “It just seems like everyone hates me sometimes. And I guess it, I’m difficult, I know that I am, but sometimes—I mean, a lot of the time, really, it feels like I can’t control it. When I argue and bicker and stomp away in a tantrum. It’s these feelings—I have so many, and I never know what to do with them, and it’s like drowning in indecision and I always make the wrong choice.”

“I know, love, I know,” she soothed, pulling you back in and smoothing her palm across your hair. You melted into her embrace like you hadn’t since you were ten years old. “You’re so much like me, you know? I swear, hear it every time we’re out with our friends. And when I was your age, I felt that way too. Lost and overwhelmed and like I wasn’t enough.”

“So, what did you do—to get rid of those feelings, I mean?” you asked, already dreading her answer.

“I didn’t. And you shouldn’t want to, either.” You almost lifted your head to argue but stopped yourself before you could. “Your emotions and feelings and thoughts and dreams—they make you who you are. Of course, it’s important to acknowledge the root of the ones that pester you the most and try to understand why they have such a hold over you. And maybe it’s my fault, really, for not saying it more, but we are so so proud of you.”

“I think you say it more to James and Sirius than you do to me,” you pointed out, a slight bite to your words but not enough to sting.

“James is, well, James. I can’t deny that he’s occasionally—” you raised your eyebrow incredulously at that and she responded with an amused eyeroll— “struggled with his classes and getting it together, so it seemed important to guide him in the right direction with praises. Sirius, on the other hand—well, we’re all he has. We just wanted him to feel loved.”

You nodded, understanding, but not sure how you fit into all of this. “Then you, my love. When you were younger you were always naturally good at things. I never understood where you got that from cause it certainly wasn’t from me. You put little effort into things and excelled, so maybe I got used to the idea that I knew you’d always be alright even if I didn’t say anything. But that’s my fault, I shouldn’t have withheld my pride out of laziness.”

“I don’t think you’re lazy, Mum,” you urged, but she hushed you with that stern voice of hers.

“I’m sure you don’t but shush because I won’t admit it again,” she scolded, her voice entirely mocking and somewhere between those tears, you managed a smile. “Your Da’ and I always knew you’d go on to do brilliant things. You’re intelligent, and passionate, and those muggle kids of yours adore you. You’re shaping their lives in ways you can’t even know, and they’re lucky to have you, just like I am, my sweet girl.”

She leaned forward, placing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“And do you hate that I live at home still?”

She reeled back, both shocked and confused. “of course not. We love having you here! It’s entirely selfish, really. Got to convert James’ old room into a study, as well as keep you around for the company and to help with chores. If anything, I don’t want you to move out,” she explained, serious. “Really, if you had more natural light in your room, we would’ve helped you to a new place the second you graduated from Hogwarts.”

You barked out a laugh at that, entirely believing her. “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m wanted, or whatever.” You could feel your cheeks flaring at the thought of saying it out loud, but you ignored the feeling to relish in your Mum’s embrace a little while longer.

“Oh, yeah—whatever,” she teased, reaching up to wipe a stray tear from your face. “You could never disappoint me.”

All you could do was nod before your face dropped with apprehension. “What—what is it, love?” she asked, concerned herself.

“Well, you see, you say that now but I did something kind of dumb…” you trailed off, unable to confess just yet.

“What did you—you didn’t murder someone, did you? Because I love you but I don’t think I could manage Azkaban with those arthritis flare ups I’ve been getting.”

“What--! Mum, no, I didn’t—how could I? How could you think I’d be capable of murder?!” and really it had been the longest you’d gone without absolutely belting at someone.

“You are quite easily irritated,” she reasoned.

“If people stopped being so irritating—” you stopped, taking a deep breath, before confessing— “No, it’s both better and worse.”

“Go on,” she encouraged, but even she didn’t seem entirely convinced.

“I kissed Sirius.”

And it was like crickets between the two of you. Not a scolding shout or a cry of horror or—

“Okay… and is that it?” she asked bluntly.

“What do you mean ‘is that it?’. It’s wild, unbelievable, otherworldly, even!” you sputtered, not quite comprehending the calm with which she was speaking.

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, love. It’s not a good look,” and she pushed you out of the way to continue scrubbing at the dirty dishes, ignoring your stunned frame.

“Aren’t you going to ask me ‘why’?” you pushed, peering over her shoulder to check she was very much alive and breathing and not pranking you with a bit of some sort.

“I don’t need to, I know why,” she answered simply. You balked, tugging her shoulder back so she halted her movements and turned to face you.

“And what might that ‘why’ be?”

“It’s simple, really. You love him, you’ve always loved him. Since you were five and he pushed James into the dirt for stealing your copy of that Tiger, Wizard, and Cabinet’ book.”

You couldn’t help the way your hand slapped against your face right then, from exhaustion or exasperation, you weren’t sure. “It’s the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Mum,” you groaned.

“That definitely doesn’t sound right,” she pouted. “Anyway, he got the book back from James and you were so pleased you came up to me and said ‘Mummy, I think Sirius isn’t so bad after all, can we keep him?’. And when I explained the laws around owning human beings, you huffed and hid under the dining room table all day until you fell asleep.”

“Well, that does sound like me…”

“Of course, it sounds like you. I’m your mother,” she chided. “You didn’t start pretending to hate Sirius until you were about ten or eleven and he got that first girlfriend of his. What was her name—Lacey? Macey?”

“Stacey,” you chewed out, only to realise the anger with which you spoke her name despite never having known her. “Oh—”

“’Oh’ indeed. And what did you say to young Sirius after this kiss?” she pried, entirely engrossed in the story now as she rested her hip against the damp counter.

“I might’ve—you know---”

“No! you didn’t!” she burst out, already knowing exactly what you were going to say.

“I did, Mum, I did,” you moaned, pathetic and questioning if there was any way to rectify the situation, you’d found yourself in.

“Well, I can’t help you with that, love. You’re on your own, kid,” she explained, wiping her hands clean before sending you off (you weren’t entirely sure where, exactly) with a pat on your back.

If you were anyone else, you would’ve taken such an encouraging conversation and somewhat-healed trauma of your childhood as a sign to go speak with Sirius.

But no, lucky for you, you were you.

He hadn’t shown up to work all week, using the flu as an excuse. So when James and Lily invited you over for a small gathering— “Really, James, two parties in one month? What kind of home are you raising my nephew in!”—you hadn’t thought much of it, or him.

“Do let me know if I’ve got this correct– you’ve decided to host a fourth of July party despite not being American, or, now that I think about it further, ever having been to America?” you questioned, genuinely worrying for Lily’s sanity as she rocked a bumbling Harry on her lap, cheeks painted with red, white and blue stars.

“Well, when you put it like that,” James groused, pouting, arms folded against his chest despite being the adult that he was.

“How else would you put it, James?” you argued, exasperated.

Lily perked up at the sound of a potential fight and silenced the two of you with a single look. If anyone was made to be a mother, it had to be Lily. She was compassionate and kind and gentle, as much as she could scare you with a simple glance, she could soothe all your worries as well.

“Look, I just needed an excuse to have a beer, and what better excuse is there than this! The holiday of beers—” I thought that was St. Paddy’s “—Hush! Otherwise, I’d have to wait for someone’s birthday or, what’s the next holiday–? Halloween? That’s ages away.”

You smirked at his odd logic. “Obviously it doesn’t necessarily have to be very Americana or whatever. Red, white and blue– just close your eyes and pretend it’s the beloved Union Jack instead!”

The gathering wasn’t as big as the last one, and you recognised the few familiar faces as Lily and James’ closest friends: Remus, Marlene, Mary, Peter, Sirius—

Sirius? Your head whipped back in a double take, watching as he pulled Remus into a hug ‘hello’ right by the garden gate. He hadn’t noticed you, not yet, but it didn’t take long for his gaze to fixate right on you. You couldn’t read his face, not having ever quite mastered the skill, but this time especially, he looked dazed and withdrawn.

Even his smiled seemed tight, like he didn’t quite mean it, and your heart plummeted at the thought that you’d done that to him.

“I’ll be right back,” you offered, distracted, to James as he preoccupied himself with squeezing Harry’s chubby fist.

Sirius had gone straight inside, probably headed for the kitchen, and you followed suit, wondering what it was about your brother’s house that had the two of you both rushing to and avoiding confrontation.

You found him right where you had expected—peering into the dimly lit fridge and pulling out a bottle of beer.

“Sirius,” you said, announcing your presence as you let the door click shut behind you. Luckily, no one else was inside the house, rather taking in the one day of sunlight and light breeze in an otherwise damp English spring.

You watched as his shoulders tensed instantly, and you just knew he wanted to be anywhere else but there, with you, at that moment, but he turned to face you anyway.

“How can I help, Potter?” he asked, keeping his cards close to his chest still.

“Can we talk?”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now,” he pointed out, brow raised as he took a deep gulp of his drink, cringing at the taste.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” you pushed back, inching a step forward.

 “No, I don’t know what you mean,” he replied smoothly, seemingly untouched by the implication behind your words.

“You’re such a prick sometimes, Sirius.”

“And you’ve only just noticed? My, didn’t take you as slow, Potter,” he noted, mockingly, and you flinched at his casual cruelty.

“Don’t do that,” you scolded.

“Do what?” he fought back, “Speak my mind? Seems like you’re the only one allowed to do that around here, and when anyone dares contest, well, all hell breaks loose.”

“You’re not speaking your mind, though,” you argued.

“Ah, and you know my mind so well, do you?” The annoying thing about Sirius, amongst many other things, was that he knew how to get under your skin. Had perfected the craft after years of verbal combat with you. So his words poked and prodded at your soft underbelly with ease as he brandished his hurt around like a swordsman with a too-heavy sword.

“Maybe not entirely, but when it comes to us, I think I know enough.” He stayed silent after that, hesitant, as if waiting for you to make the first move. “The other day, when we kissed—” and you knew you were getting hotter because something, some feeling, flickered behind his irises “—I said it was a mistake—”

“—I know, love. I was there,” he scowled. “No need to remind a man of his failings.”

“Just— let me finish!” You inhaled, slow, before continuing. “I said it was a mistake when, in fact, I felt the opposite. It’s just—it’s you and I, Sirius, and when it comes to us, I might know, inside, what I mean and feel and intend to show but when it comes to the actual ‘doing’ part of it all, I always seem to mess up. So, when I said it was a mistake, what I really meant was—”

And it was his turn to cut you off with his mouth, only this time it was sweet and yearning and apologetic as opposed to the fire and passion and lust that had guided the two of you the last time you’d found yourself in his hold.

His mouth slid over your own, careful and inquisitive, whilst his palms cradled your face, as if you’d slip out of his grasp if he moved even an inch in the wrong direction.

It was lovely, really.

As much as you wished for him to keep going, to keeping kissing you like he might yearn for you too (though you wouldn’t be saying those three words for a while), you were horribly aware of the fact that Lily, or worse, your brother, might walk in at any moment.

So, Sirius didn’t allow himself to get carried away with you, not yet at least, and instead he pulled away with a content sigh, tracing your bottom lip with his thumb as if to memorise it by feel alone.

“Is that our thing then? Kisses in the form of sneak-attacks?” you mused, vibrating and giddy and utterly pleased.

“Could be, if you want?” and it seemed like he was still entranced with your mouth to properly reply in any meaningful manner.

“Sirius,” you pleaded, urging him to look at you, properly. He tore his gaze away from your lips, finally, and the way his face split into a grin had those fucking butterflies returning, tenfold. “Are you okay?”

“I will be once I take you to mine and do that all over again, only, a little less clothed and a lot more horizontal” he promised, the cheek of his you had come to endearing having return after his previous sulking.

“You’re a menace,” you groaned as he buried his smirking face into the crook of your neck, holding you tight to him before his grip relaxed and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, holding you right there.

“I know, and I’m only joking—well, if you want me to be joking, I will be. But I’m fine—I swear it. It just seems surreal, us, like this,” he explained.

“I get that, it is a bit odd, but I’ve realised you need to contextualise those weird, new feelings and not let them control you, at least, not if they’re ‘bad’ or whatever,” you offered clumsily, trying, in your own way, to relay the same advice your Mum had.

He snorted in response, and you smacked his back from where your arms were wrapped around him. “You sound like your Mum.”

“Mm, that is my Mum. Only, she said it better, and more concise, and in that Mum-way that just makes sense.”

“Ah, well that makes a bit more sense.” He pulled back for a moment, not letting you out of the circle of his arms yet. “We should talk about this a little more, shouldn’t we?”

You nodded, sighing as you moved away from him to get a hold of your thoughts once more. “I think, for me at least, I conflated anger with my feelings for you because I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle them, and deep down, I worried you’d reject me, so it seemed easier to argue with you than—”

“--this,” he finished for you, and he must’ve read the agreement on your face because he bobbed his head in response. “It makes sense, really, and it’s about the same for me, only, there was the whole issue of James and, I mean, I’m older—”

“—by a few years,” you maintained, scowling, and he wanted to kiss you for it.

“Yes, love, but a few years means different things depending on how old you are. We’ve never really been in the same phase of life until now, so I don’t think I wanted it—nor would it have been appropriate, really—until a year or two ago. By then, it seemed too late, so I just kept—”

“—bickering.”

“Yeah, bickering. Arguing. Biting back. It was the safer option.” And everything he said made sense, it was all entirely reasonable, but you still mourned the time lost to not being entirely honest with each other.

“But there’s no point worrying over that now, not when we can’t do anything about it,” he reasoned, noting the faraway look in your eyes and centring you back, there, with him.

“We should get back to the party,” you whispered, fearing what would happen when the two of you left the safety on the kitchen, flooded still with gold and a certain stillness that had you aching for this moment to be forever.

“Yeah, love, let’s go back,” he answered, just as quiet, nudging his head toward the door. Just as your hand came up to turn the doorknob, Sirius’ palm came up in front of you, halting your movements. He stood, still, behind you, and close as ever. You could feel every breath he took, and that damn cologne you’d started missing in the bookstore as well. “Don’t worry about us, love, we’ll be fine,” he assured you.

You answered by turning the knob and making your way back towards the garden. Sirius followed from behind, and when you stepped through the backdoor, you realised how little had changed since you’d gone inside, but also just how much had changed, as well.

as always, please comment and reblog if you enjoyed this <3

[spacebarbarianweird]

Oooh! Chronic depression Tav sounds right up your alley! I'm also chronically depressed and I have a similar living condition (messy room, not the horrific torture) to Astarion. Maybe a Tav who can empathize with his messy tent and his depression?

Oh yes, this hits my alley! I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression a while ago plus it seems like I had a severe depression when I was 12-19 years old (but I wasn't taken to any specialists back then).

TW: Anxiety and depression come in different forms, my therapists always told me that I have a weird skill to look absolutely normal meanwhile tests show signs of severe depression. I've based this headcanon on my own experience.

TW 2: A suicide attempt, depression.

Astarion x Depressed!Tav

Masterlist

Headcanons

You feel off.

Something was utterly wrong with you for the last few years.

You barely eat, sleep too much

Decision-making is difficult as fuck, and you just do what you are told to.

The time is slipping through your fingers and you sometimes realize it's already winter when it was summer a day ago.

You feel like drowning in the dark void.

Maybe you should just end everything? Because life will never get better.

The tadpole suppresses your condition.

You suddenly feel good. You feel strong. You feel alive.

And the Emperor is particularly adamant that you embrace the tadpole potential.ccepting the tadpole potential.

"Remember how bad you felt before? It will get worse if you deny the tadpole. Once it's gone, your mind will drown in darkness again. But accept my offer, and you will never suffer again."

You recognize familiar patterns in Astarion's behavior.

His inability to make decisions.

The mess he made of his tent.

The way he sometimes sits and stares in the distance not moving at all.

That he doesn't really read, staring at the papers with mindless eyes.

Or quickly turning pages without understanding what is written there.

Or an extreme degree of anhedonia. He cannot taste wine or food, his senses are dulled, and nothing brings him joy except blood and sex (both of which have been unavailable to him for centuries).

You want to accept the tadpole. You don't want to go back to where you were. He doesn't want to either.

But when you take the astral tadpole, Astarion knocks it out of your hands and smashes it.

"You're in no condition to make decisions like that, dear," he says, grabbing your arm.

Neither is he.

You fear to have the tadpole removed.

When it is gone, it's worse than you expected.

You can't move. Can't think. The void is killing you.

You don't want to talk to anyone. You can't do anything. The only thing you are capable of is to crawl into the inn and lie there like in a coffin.

It will never get better.

Maybe, you should just off yourself?

And Astarion's absence only proves your thoughts. He isn't there, he's left. He doesn't need a burden like you.

The relapse is so bad you decide to find a way to end things.

You choose a lonely place and takes a dagger out.

You greet death like an old friend.

Only to wake up under a starry night sky.

With a familiar skeleton-like figure close to you.

Withers brought you back. But why? And how did he…

Before you manage to say anything coherent, you feel strong hands around your waist and a familiar scent.

Astarion cries holding you.

"I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have... I am so sorry..."

He was ashamed of himself. Of his own relapse.

But he could never thought you would kill yourself.

These six monthes were difficult for him.

Yes, he was free. He could do whatever he wanted.

But he was lonely. He had nightmares. Breakdowns.

He started looking for you only to realize you were dead.

Finding Withers was his only hope.

And you are back. Back to him.

Astarion takes you away from Baldur's Gate to the places you've never been before.

Basically making you run faster than your darkness.

Together you learn how to enjoy things.

You basically ask each other "What can we do rn to make ourselves feel better?"

A swim in the lake? A bath in the inn? A new piece of garment? Just staying together in the tent?

You hold each other from slipping into the void.

Eventually, you are advised to start taking some medicine made by clerics.

You take it once a day and you feel better, almost the same way you felt with the tadpole.

You take the double shot because Astairon drinks your blood to get this medicine for himself.

You both don't feel yourself that miserable anymore. You both cry less.

You sleep better, Astarion doesn't have nightmares.

You are good. Both of you.

It doesn't mean the darkness won't come back - but you are both ready to meet it.

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96

[izvmimi]

cw: minors dni. smut. reader with body image concerns.

izuku's hips slow to a rolling stop nearly the second you whimper, "c-can we turn the lights off?"

the words are eked out semi-breathlessly, but heard loud and clear, and the tight hold he has around your body loosens ever so slightly as he pulls his upper half from atop of you and leans back so that he can look at your face properly and figure out what prompted that sudden request. he's doing the opposite of what you want him to do right now - studying your lust-warmed face carefully as you catch your breath, a small pout on his lips. the way he looks at you now makes you feel a little too seen, rather far too seen, and your hands reflexively go to your eyes to cover them - not because you don't want to see him, all broad shoulders and perfect, unforgiving musculature, but because you don't want him to see you for the terribly plain being you are.

izuku's hands trace the length of your hips and cup your thighs gently, kneeling as he sits on his calves. he's still inside you, and the full sensation is manageable now even if it still makes you crazy; you can feel him twitch as he thinks, not ready to disconnect.

"yes, but why?"

you whisper something unintelligible under your breath, and he leans in, kissing your forehead, before he pulls your wrists away.

"mm?" he asks. he's smiling down at you, but you can sense a little bit of concern for your mental state, his fingers still running along your exposed skin to attempt to rub in some sense of comfort.

your lips move again, and he pulls one of your hands to his own lips to kiss the knuckles before prompting you to speak louder.

"speak up, my love."

something about the way he slips your thumb into his mouth and looks at you so lovingly, so full of desire specifically for you, overwhelms you and tears form in your eyes.

"i don't feel pretty," you finally cry.

izuku blinks as though he's in disbelief, but the message is clear, and he slips out of you just as quickly as your sobs start to come in for real, and he's got you in a secure embrace.

"but you are," he insists, and he's thumbing your trembling lower lip. you're embarrassed to say it out loud, that you don't see why he sees you the way he does, even if it's not your responsibility to deserve the way he loves you.

you shake your head, and he purses his lips, then kisses your eyelids.

"you're beautiful. you're perfect for me," he insist, but it's hard for you to hear it. all you can remind yourself of is every irregularity to your skin, the way your body falls short to models and other heroes, and everyone else he would be barely off looking at.

he pulls you close and lets you rest in his embrace. a few moments pass, and he strokes your hair and listens to everything that you feel is wrong with you, and even though it hurts him, he lets you say whatever you need to say before denying it.

kisses pepper your skin and deny your imperfections; you let him wind you up more, whispering your beauty into every curve of your body until you start to believe it, until you'll accept him again.

"let me look at you," he pleads, and you nod, letting him intertwine his fingers with yours. the tears are back but they're happy now, thankful, as he fucks you deep, your legs rested on his head, trying to reach the deepest, darkest parts of you.

because you are the prettiest and your beauty is so plain to see.