#when I say inadequacy

[anonymous-tals]

Harry has presented himself thus far as being incredibly smart and capable of being able to take on any challenge, no matter how great; it’s just inherent to who he is. His people are highly, highly intelligent, and they’ve guided and helped the humans for thousands of years. But in season three, we start to see things aren't exactly as one might have assumed. We learn he was not chosen to do this mission cause he was outstanding in some way, he wasn't even chosen at all. He volunteered. And later that season, we find out that, although he is way smarter than most humans, on his planet, he was "a C student at best".

Furthering his inadequacy, back in season two, he fears rejection from the other alien for having become "too human". And then, akin to how we see him act towards humans in regards to their comparable lack of intelligence, he rejects this alien when he finds out they're likely more "human" than he is. Sure, he may have some emotions or whatever, but he's not THAT human. Uhhh, weirdo, amirite, guys? We should all reject him instead.

He projects his insecurity by putting down others who are less smart, special, unemotional than him to make himself feel better about his own failure to live up to expectations, to prove himself worthy of praise, worthy period. And I don't know how this would've manifested before he started feeling emotions and stuff, cause, like...I'm not sure exactly what that looks like, but at least now, he's starting to feel the weight of these things that make him different, and not the good kind of different; he's not "special". He's...average...at best.

[cringefaecompilation]

mfw orym, guy with a missing dad who fucking despises him to the point he refuses to remember his first name and notably cares deeply or is overprotective for the vast swath of his surviving all-female family members starts talking about how "important the relationships between fathers and sons" are

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[blackwaxidol]

I've been having a background-radiation sort of episode for the past month or two and I am not terribly sure what to do with it. The recognition is, again, like waking up in the ice-filled tub of an unlit bathroom with sutures where your kidney might be.

It is disorienting... but my fear-driven compulsion to remain solitary about it, it is starting to make my lungs burn and I am becoming hostile towards myself.

In my head I feel somewhat blind, the utter nonrecognition of parts has not happened for a while. I don't understand even a little who is with me, really. I feel just enough to be embarrassed at saying this. Really my only question is, "by what mechanism has this occurred?"

A lot of interactions I end up feeling like a computer with a plastic face attempting to emulate humanity. At the same time the most authentic emotion that drives me is absolute terror, the one rule that I must never become a problem or selfish. I restrict a lot of feeling and recede entirely without my own notice because I collapse in a manner where I am acutely aware of my own inability to reciprocate anything, and that is something I cannot ever abide. This utter awareness followed by fading out for weeks. It's not as dramatic as it sounds, or rather this is my hope to not come off as dramatic.

To be honest I am not keeping track of what I am even saying, I feel tunnel-visioned and unable to connect with the words on the screen. I have moments of clarity but I don't always manage to take action before it leaves me again. I think the appropriate emotion is frustration, or rather to say "it is frustrating"... but I don't know what I feel right now. Feels like grasping fog, trying to make it something you can capture in your closed palms.

[horizontalsplash]

google search “how to connect with someone in a way that isn’t just talking about your own ocs”

[elektroyu]

Sometimes when I scroll through my tumblr dash I get the urge to apologize to my followers

SORRY EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS SO BORING

😅 and I know this is stupid and self-deprecating and I shouldn't even think it

but isn't it objectively also true 🙈

[friendhearts]

happy chaos is the test for if you are able to understand gg. If you watched xrd and upon watching strive, you think happy chaos is just a pretentious weirdo talking out of his ass and a bad character, then you failed the test

[polycatyl]

is it bad to want to love someone new?

[dykeogenes]

besties idc how cringe you think it is, at the end of the day those “instagram poets” are sharing their work and expressing themselves while you make fun of them for daring to make the wrong kind of art, or for making it wrong. & the idea of a world where the basic human desire to create and share stories has a skill prerequisite sounds pretty pathetic to me.

[yay-depression]

thinking unhappy thoughts at 1 am except these can’t even be categorized into the “no feelings past 4pm in winter are real” bc it wasn’t inherently a negative thought it was a positive thought which upon saying aloud sounded really fucking sad

[cringefaecompilation]

cannot stand it when i see posts saying orym could/can only ever have concrete conversations about himself and his feelings with either dorian or ashton or that they're the only people that would understand what he's going through. asides from the Women Just Don't Get It-ness of it all, like:

i rest my case

[salstini]

sigh just feel like a broken human being, like i’m missing a big chunk of self-confidence that most people seem to have

[cookinguptales]

nailing my own sleep-deprived tags to my wall and forcing myself to look at them

[gochujangst]

I just got horribly destroyed my hits weren't even landing when they totally were 😭 why is this game so ass

[barnbridges]

what's funny is that "the tism" or whatever is fed on people's inabilities to break certain cycles or habits, not because they can't, but because they feel uncomfortable doing so. having back problems isnt an inherent autistic trait, just most people have it because we don't comprehend posture very well. you at some points need to make greater effort to fit in and be happy and healthy. but some people would rather die than work on themselves.

[hang-on-lil-tomato]

Every time I say “I’m gonna do this thing to improve my life and income.” Some ahole “friend” HAS to say something negative, because 1. They subconsciously can’t stand that you have something on the burner 2. They project their own inadequacies onto you.

in New Zealand they call it “tall poppies” syndrome.