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#like it’s just sad. you need to talk about others’ work the way you hope people will talk about yours
boozeforbrains · 2 days
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You say you’re sober, but a lot of your posts are about disregarding limits or POS friends who enable drinking or talking sober people into drinking. Is it a fantasy of yours for your sobriety to be broken? Or do you see yourself as the enabler pushing the sober person in these kinds of scenarios?
Warning very serious and not so serious approach to this topic
Hmm yeah difficult psychosexual situation for me.
I do fantasize about being like bullied or forced into having my sobriety broken and it turns me on like very few other things, i always had the fantasy of forced intoxication/accidental intoxication/pushed/tricked/etc, ranging from being subtly manipulated to being literally tied up/kidnapped/whatever and for all intents and purposes forced, mentally and physically.
It became sort of more specific after i decided to be sober. I think if i genuinely had this happen to me, specifically if the other person got off on it as well and was very focused on getting me drunk id probably get off on it forever, literally a wet dream come true.
Sometimes i wonder if its a way out of being responsible for my own sobriety, or for drinking „just one more time“ im thinking its probably many things including this but also a life long fantasy.
Im always torn on the „do it or dont“ i genuinely do not believe there is truly a way to decide between right and wrong here. Only the time i have on this earth and what i decide to do with it. And again, ive had this fantasy since before puberty, at this point i wonder if its more of a need than a wish.
On the other hand i am an extremely responsible and health conscious person, i have a very full schedule, not a lot of time off and high expectations for myself in regards to my physical, (inter)personal, academic and work performance, all of which are pretty big contraindications to indulging myself as much as id like. (And presumably also the reason i tend to drink so heavily cause i cant get my brain to stop pushing myself to doing better and better and more and more)
Im also not a casual drinker at all. I dont drink often, i dont drink just one glass and i dont enjoy the taste of alcohol tbh, i never was a one beer/glass of wine to unwind type guy. I usually go for pretty long periods of time not even caring about alcohol at all and then drink very hard for a shorter period of time (it has to be worth it style) which is also why it took me a while to realize that my behaviour is not healthy regardlng alcohol tho again, Alcohol is just not healthy, no not even one glass, this has been proven by multiple studies at this point. its a neurotoxin that very much kills and cripples people, if were looking at it from a very sober (haha) perspective. (And since i work in healthcare i have seen the very real consequences of consistent, heavy alcohol abuse)
I dont know that i would feel comfortable pushing someone else into breaking sobriety, it would be a very individual decision for sure, mainly depending on how informed the other person was, how much they were consenting etc. i definitely wouldnt dare do it on a whim for purely my own pleasure, tho i could see myself indulging someone who was giving me a clear „go“ and enjoying it.
Even working the bar ive felt uncomfortable serving someone who after a couple drinks let drop to someone they were chatting with that theyd been sober for the last seven months. It made me sad because i know how much genuinely hard work it is.
On the other hand awooga drunk hot and sexy. That part is very implemented in my brain as well.
Not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, its definitely a complex topic for me, i hope i could sort of explain my feelings and thoughts on it to your statisfaction.
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lambilegs · 2 days
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With the weather getting colder i thought about Lee taking care of reader who’s sick in bed or the other way around …
I can totally see Lee insisting she feels fine and tries to get up for work and you practically have to hold her captive because she’s sniffling and catching a fever 😭
-🦊
sick!lee harker + lee harker with sick!reader
AWEEEEE OMGGGG this is so cute hehe I've so often thought about this, I considered adding it to pt.2 of bestie!lee too hehe. thank you sm for the req bae!!
(,,>﹏<,,) ‧₊˚ ⋅ 𓐐𓎩 ‧₊˚ ⋅(っ- ‸ - ς)
when you're sick: (๑•́ -•̀)
she's fucking efficient LMFAOOOO but also confused?? I feel like she didn't grow up with a lot of family to help her out when sick (plus, as she got further into teenagehood, she naturally strayed from seeking help from ruth). so, she doesn't have many helpful tips on hand, but as soon as you need something, she's dropping everything to get it
she tries leaving work early, promising carter she'll do her work from home, but insisting she has to go
she'll bring entire files of cases home, sitting next to you in bed or at her desk in your guys' room, working on them quietly. she doesn't talk much, both due to her focus on working and knowing you need to rest your throat
something inside her throbs whenever she hears you coughing or sniffling (she an empath 🤪), sad at the sight of seeing you so worn down
on any other day, she groans and complains playfully at you turning on stuff she cringes at, like reality TV (or, in a modern!au, Bridgerton), but when you're sick? oh she'll be sat, at your side, anything you wanna watch (yes, she does get invested, and no, she'll never admit it)
on the third or fourth day, you'll get bored at home and lowkey horny from having her around so much. you two rarely spend so many long hours together, and you being at home all day and her returning from her shifts early gives you guys... ample time
however 🤓☝🏽 she will be too afraid of catching your cold JDFKDJF listen, poor thing works HARD, and she can't afford to be missing time from work. this results in her grinning in amusement and practically running away when you enter seduction mode LMFAOOO
when you wake in the middle of the night, pouting and frustrated at being sick, she'll hold you, rubbing your back soothingly. she'll get you anything you need, and sometimes switch on the lamp, talking to you till you fall back asleep (she might even read to you too :((). whenever you cough, she'll wordlessly hand you your water bottle
she's kind of shit at cooking, so she ends up making you a pretty plain broth LOLLL but, you still slurp it up, touched she made you something. she'll be embarrassed, knowing it's not great, but your doting words and affection make her feel better
calls you from work way more than usual, even sometimes keeps you on the line if she's just doing work in the office, wanting to make sure to watch over you
will gently urge you to eat when she sees you're skipping a meal. also makes sure you're taking vitamins and medicine on a consistent basis, always making note of the time :'')
when she's sick: 。°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°。
like you said... deep denial with this one LOLLL she'll feel the start of symptoms, but pointedly ignore it, hoping if she avoids it, maybe it'll just ride out on its own and be a minor thing
she does also take medication, hoping that'll be sufficient in nipping it in the bud (spoiler: it is not)
days later, and she's nearly passing out when getting ready for work because she feels so light-headed. she insists to you it's probably because she just skipped breakfast or something.
"babe, it's fine, it's just because I... I don't know, probably because I worked late or skipped breakfast." "lee, you do that everyday."
you don't even entertain it, giving her a narrowed look. she's just as stubborn, though, insisting she's okay and needs to be at the bureau to work on the case she's currently assigned to. you eventually give up, glaring at her back at she leaves
hours later, she comes home early, take-out and store-bought meds in one hand, frowning :((
"they sent me home early because I threw up."
when you give her a pointed look, she siddles close to you, laying her head on your shoulder and mumbling an apology, arm wrapping around your waist (how can you stay irked with a cutie like that)
she KEEPS trying to work, jesus, and while you let it be, since you know how she'll be itching to if she doesn't, sometimes you need to intervene if you return home and she's still at it, physically packing up the file and putting it away, pushing her to the bed
she'll usually frown at first, or protest, but after a few minutes of you sitting by her side, applying a cool cloth to her forehead, she's practically putty and nearly whining when you leave
you do every tactic in the book -- steaming, vicks, cool cloth on head. you even put a small piece of ginger in her mouth for the night, and while her face twitches at the taste at first, she just nods in compliance. she does wake up in the middle of the night, groaning and aimlessly reaching for you, when she bites on it accidentally and the taste it too strong for her LOL
she's a pretty good patient tbh, going along with anything you advise, since a lot of the tips she herself never knew about, and she's really just hoping to get better soon, hating the feeling of being in bed all day
she does, however, love your doting. she feels like total shit, yeah, but something warm stirs in her at the safety and comfort of having you there. the last person to take such good care of her was her mom, for she usually doesn't update her friends on being sick, so being taken care of is something she appreciates so much. plus, all the time at home with you is a smack in the face of how busy she's been at work and how damn good it is to be at home with you. it eases her tension about staying home that week, knowing even if she needs to make up for it later, she's able to hang out with you when you're not at school/work. it almost makes being sick worth it
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sskk-manifesto · 6 months
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(´・ᴗ・ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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themidnightcircusshow · 4 months
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@heartofstanding tagged me in this meme months ago and unfortunately it took me this long to get to it because I had a mild crisis over how long it's been since I've read a novel, let alone one that I loved 😅 so this is nine of my favourite novels (not books, because if I included manga/short stories/comics/etc this would be giant)
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0The Picture of Dorian Gray -- Oscar Wilde// Pyrrhus-- Mark Merlis//The Scarecrow--Ronald Hugh Morrieson//Unnatural History--Kate Osman//Tunnels of Blood--Darren Shan//The Coffin Dancer--Jeffery Deaver//Hero--Perry Moore//Frankenstein--Mary Shelley//One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-- Ken Kasey
#TPODG I feel like is obvious. But a genuinely hilarious book that is also poignant and tragic and so /so/ compelling#The more work you put into it the more you get out of it and I get so sad every time I see people#not wanting to look deeper than what's beyond the surface#Pyrrhus gets the extremely high honour of Greek Myth Retelling That is Actually Good#it's less about the Trojan War and more about the journey there set in the 1980s gay scene#the cursed spot that gets Philoctetes abandoned is an effective allegory right until the moment it isn't an allegory at all#and you should see the gut punch coming but somehow you don't#The Scarecrow is my Token Kiwi Representation and it's also the one that got me into the genre I now write almost exclusively#reading it feels like watching a cheesy low budget slasher that accidentally says some really interesting things about sexism and misogyny#(I say accidentally because it is the 20s and my tutor very loudly hated this book for being sexist)#(and I both totally agree and disagree because Prue is the prototypical final girl and needs an adaptation that does her justice)#Also the story of this novel's publication is freaking hilarious and why I will only write under a pseudonym because I would be next#Unnatural History is an exact blueprint of what I love about sci-fi done well in the way we've only very recently started to see on screen#and I hate that the show of Doctor Who rarely if ever reaches this level#Tunnels of Blood is my favourite of the Darren Shan Saga but really is just a stand in for the entire series#yes it's a kids series but it's a kid series that got me into horror and surrealism#and delivers the most effective and heartbreaking plot twist that not even Hannibal pulled off as well#The Coffin Dancer is just some damn good crime fiction and I wish Jeffery Deaver wasn't so slept on#(yes I know The Bone Collector got an adaptation but The Bone Collector isn't even in the top ten of the Lincoln Rhyme series)#unfortunately Deaver's strongest point is his use of point of view#but he still manages to get the twist to be shocking (and Coffin Dancer is the best example of it) in a way that other media fails at#Hero is about a gay disabled teen with superpowers and somehow tumblr does not know about it#It is such a fun riff on superheroes while also being genuinely sweet and touching and sad#It was meant to get a tv show but the writer passed so it got stuck in production hell :(#Frankenstein is Frankenstein. It's just good on like every level. Victor is my problematic fave. I will take no criticism.#I am however on my knees hoping the Guillermo Del Toro adaptation finally gets it right#one flew over the cuckoo's nest means so much to me but no one ever talks about it beyond the Ratched and Mcmurphy stuff#who are the least interesting characters to me. And I find the debate about the sexism ignores that the novel is about the structural abuse#of the mentally ill
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dykeogenes · 2 years
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besties idc how cringe you think it is, at the end of the day those “instagram poets” are sharing their work and expressing themselves while you make fun of them for daring to make the wrong kind of art, or for making it wrong. & the idea of a world where the basic human desire to create and share stories has a skill prerequisite sounds pretty pathetic to me.
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sunlightfeeling · 4 months
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is this…
mmm very close but no:
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they are pretty much identical tho 💙❤️🩷💛💚
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chososdiscordkitten · 6 months
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Synopsis: Reader asking to watch Choso jack off ^-^
Pairing: Switch!Choso x Fem!Reader Content: porn w/ feelings, established relationship, masturbation, spit, pussy job, riding, missionary, multiple orgasms (m), rough sex, cream pie
MDNI
You had developed an enjoyment of watching Choso. Watch him talk, watch him breathe—your eyes would always be glued onto him when he did anything. And that little glimmer in your eyes would go overlooked by him. 
You liked watching him reach into a high cupboard, the edge of his shirt revealing his hip in the slightest. Or when he would talk- most of the time, the words would be spoken, but your ears would hear them without registering in your mind. 
You would only pay attention to his expression- his eyebrows furrowing with a sudden severity in his tone. Or when his eyes would spark in the slightest when you would agree mindlessly to what he was saying. 
Usually, your face showed what you were thinking. Giving hints to what raced through your mind. And any hints your low eyes provided, or every half smirk that formed on your lips, Choso wouldn't acknowledge them.
Only Choso never could tell what you were thinking. Even if your expression should have told him all he needed to know. He never knew why you would look at him like that- or what it meant. 
And when he asked you; 
"Why do you look at me like that?" snapping you from the cloud of filth you would picture as he talked. 
You only replied with an earnest smile, "I just like lookin' at you." 
And Choso stayed with that idea- whenever he would see your gaze darken, he would remember what you said. Almost endearingly scanning the look on your face, as though your lowered eyes and lightly flushed skin meant that you were only looking. And nothing more. 
So when the topic of masturbation came up- something about how he only does it when he knows you're too tired or when he didn't want to bother you. You couldn't help but ask him, "Can I watch?" 
He looked off the side- furrowed eyebrows, unknowing why you'd want to watch him do such a menial thing- everyone does it, right? It's not some marvel and you gained no pleasure from it physically. But then he remembered what you told him. 
'I just like looking at you.'
A few days had passed since that conversation- too embarrassed to tell you when he would do it- and ask if you wanted to watch. It almost felt like he was admitting that he wanted you to watch. Even if you were the one who told Choso you wanted to- coming to you and saying the words. It felt too filthy- even for him. 
You had been catching up on school assignments for most of that day. Sitting on the couch of your shared apartment with a furrowed brow. Unaware of what Choso was concocting in his mind as you read through the work. 
He had been working up the courage to ask you since the morning, along with thinking up a way to say the actual words. He mostly looked at you with sad puppy eyes, hoping you would look at him and know what he wanted. 
All but begging for you to read his mind, just so he wouldn't have to say it. 
Slowly walking past you with his eyes locked onto your expression, hoping you would look up and see the pleading look he held. 
And when he sat on the other end of the couch, the ache in his sweats was too unbearable to continue waiting for you to pay heed to what he wanted. 
Your focused gaze unmoved from the words splayed onto your screen, he called your name. Barely considered a whisper and with a sprinkle of a whiny tone- as though it was your fault he couldn't admit what he wanted. 
Looking up from your screen- "Yes?" you spoke. Your tone was far too kind and tolerant for what he was about to ask of you. 
"You remember when you." he looked away from your gaze, "When you asked if you could watch-" you raised your eyebrows- eager to hear how he would phrase it. "If you could watch, me." Bells ringing in your brain as he spoke.
"Watch you?" you asked- playing coy to what Choso tried insinuating. Looking down at your screen again and hearing a light sigh as he shifted on the other end of the couch. 
Choso clenched his teeth- already flustered from what he was expected to say. "...Jack off?" he mumbled, facing away from you in shame. 
You flashed your eyes back to him, seeing his ears flushed with a light blush. "Yes, I remember." You closed the screen of your computer, lightly tilting your head and awaiting his response. 
"I was about to-" 
You couldn't help the light grin that rose on your lips. "You want me to watch you?" spoken with a hint of tease as Choso tensed his shoulders at the words. 
Still looking away from you- lightly nodding his head up and down. "I wanna hear you say it." You tapped him lightly with your foot- urging him to hurry. 
"I would like you to watch me—" he inhaled, "Jack off." He turned over to you. You, holding the very same expression that would look back at him when he spoke most times. 
And as you instructed him to go on as he normally would- "Pay me no mind." you grinned. Taking his shirt off before he eased onto his side of the bed, avoidant eyes and nerves spasming in his sweats. 
Choso sat up halfway, his shoulders flush against the wall, his legs extended, hands planted on either side of his hips as he looked at you. 
You sat at the foot of the bed, legs crisscrossed and waiting for him to start. Soaking in the sight of him- carved torso and blushy expression on his face. 
As Choso flashed his eyes to yours- some kind of way of asking if he could start. You only raised your eyebrows, urging him to go on. He lightly gulped, placing his hands on the band of his sweats. 
Lightly wincing when he pulled his firm cock from them- bordering on a purple hue on his tip, clear tears of his precum falling from his neglected cockhead, and his shaft lightly twitching against the sudden hit of air. 
It looked pained, and based on his expression- bordering on dizzy as he took a few breaths in, he had been this way for a while. "Were you like this the whole time?" you muttered, watching his head lightly nod. 
"Didn't know how to ask you." he spoke softly, tone bordering on a whimper and placing a hand onto his base. Tingles forming on his cheeks and falling down his broad shoulders. 
You watched with intense eyes- his lips parting in a soft sigh as he slowly stroked himself. Choso's grip was light- some attempt to not cum as soon as he started. His body buzzed with shivers of exhilaration and timidity.
Soft sighs took the shape of low moans as your eyes made work of blinking down to his pretty cock. 
Surrounded by his hand and stroking lightly. Building himself up as his eyes closed, looking at the curve of his neck. The adams apple in his throat bobbing with every light breath he took. Tipping his head back onto the wall with parted lips. 
"You don't watch anything?" eyes filled with amazement, and your panties starting to soil as you watched his hand take on a tighter grip. Choso nodded his head 'no'- a little sigh leaving his lips with the upturn of a whimper. 
Choso's chest lightly caved with an exhale, "I jus' think about you." he muttered, words he spoke without filter. Your cunt spasming at the declaration, making you consider forgetting this idea of just watching- wanting to give him more than your gaze in gratitude. 
But the sound of a choked whimper leaving his throat snapped you from that thought- his hand taking on a slightly faster pace as his other fisted the sheets. Watching his hand smear beads of precum down his shaft and back up again. 
You leaned over in the slightest- watching his hand start to lose its easy glide when he began. Somewhere in Choso's mind, he had thought you abandoned the idea of just watching as you tucked hair behind your ears. Looking down at his cock with a whimper, all but asking you to help him. 
Collecting as much saliva you could on your tongue, lightly bending over, and allowing a fat glob to slip from your lips. The ache between your thighs becoming more and more apparent with every passing second.
A light huff in the shape of your name left his throat- his hand taking a faster pace from the action. Choso's tummy clenched in the slightest as he felt the start of his orgasm pool, smearing your spit with his pre in urgency.
His eyes scanned your expression- the same one you held when he would speak, only this time, he knew why you were looking at him like that.
And the slight shame of how good it felt to have you watch him with that look in your eyes- having you spit on him- made it all the more easier for his eyes to close. Huffing your name as though it was you who was stroking him. 
Low eyes watching with your hands threatening to replace Choso's as his chest rose and fell in sync with his quick strokes. 
His lips hung open in a silent moan- abdomen spasming as his tip oozed pearly tears onto his tummy. His shoulders shivered as he continued his hand's strides, slower and with a lighter grasp. 
Working himself down from the orgasm that soiled his skin, the back of his hand falling onto the bed. Even if his breathing and expression seemed satisfied with one orgasm- his cock told you he wanted another. 
Hard and twitching against his abs. At that moment- you lost the idea of sitting on the sidelines and rose to your knees. Watching Choso's expression steady with every deep breath he took. Slipping off your panties and scooching closer to him. 
You planted one leg over his hip, hoovering directly above his laid cock and looking at his eyes blink up at you. The smile on your lips churning with intent as you placed your hands onto his shoulders.
Choso's made haste in landing on your upper thighs, delighted you abandoned the idea. 
Kneading the plush skin in his hands as you lowered your cunt onto his shaft, trapping his cock between his carved tummy and your cunt. A soft sigh leaving your lips at the contact. Using your own slick mixed with his spend and pre, you slowly slid back and forth on his shaft- soaking in the expression he wore at the stimulation. 
Leaning in with a soft whine and relishing the feeling of his lips against yours- slowly frotting your cunt back and forth against his cock. Similar to how he was stroking himself. But nowhere near as warm nor as slick as your core felt. 
Your puffy clit brushing against his tip with every grind your hips made. Huffing heavily as one of Choso's hands slid beneath the band of your hoodie. His touch searing against your skin. 
Your hands on his shoulders moving onto the side of his neck, bracing as your tongue slid against his. 
Messy and uncaring teeth clashing against each other, proving to you, that the absence of your cunt swallowing his cock, frustrated him far more than it did you. 
The hand on your thigh assisting in your slow glides, the one roaming beneath your hoodie cupping your breast. 
Fervor and urgency filling every moan Choso's lips rumbled onto yours- his hold on your hip tightening to guide you into a quicker pace. 
You pulled away from him, unable to withstand the heat boiling beneath your skin as your hands slipped off your hoodie. Tossing it aside, uncaring where it landed.
Choso's hand made contact with your breast again, a light groan leaving his lips as you connected your lips with his. His orgasm building again in his tummy. His grasp against your breast turning desperate- bordering on overstimulation as you slid against him. 
You pulled away from him, looking into his hazy eyes, and raised yourself forward. His cock following your cunt as you felt his twitchy tip brush against your entrance. You huffed a flushed smile- lowering yourself onto his cockhead with a shared whimper. 
Choso's hand trailing back down to your hip- whimpering at your walls sucking him in. Lips brushing against each other- not even trying to connect them, knowing it would be cut short as his tip nuzzled against your sweet spot.
And when his cock filled you to the hilt- you slowly started grinding. Ignoring the light sting from the stretch and watching his eyebrows knit, his lips parted in a drawn-out breath. 
The urge in Choso's hips was unable to be still, causing him to place his hands on your waist, holding you still as he started rutting up into you at a quicker speed. Your hands gripping the back of his head, lightly tugging on his hair as he thrusts into you without a pattern. 
You closed the little space held between your lips and his, callously slotting your tongue against his as he nudged into your sweet spot with every grind. 
Choso trailed his hands a little higher on your waist, guiding you to tip onto your side- rolling onto your back with Choso's knees bent on the bed. Leaving him atop you with your thighs beside his hips.
Slipping his sweats lower on his thighs as he pulled back from your cunt- sliding back into you as he desperately wanted to when he was beneath you. 
One strong hand on your thigh as he rolled his hips against you, moaning shamelessly into the air as the other planted onto your tummy with his thumb on your clit. Watching your face churn with small circles drawn against the sensitive bud. 
The crude slapping of his balls against your ass, breaking up the joined whimpers that left your lips and his.
Your back arching against the sheets as he thrusts into you- so desperate for just one more as his hand on your thigh hooked behind your knee and started applying pressure. 
Your pinned thigh gave his cock a better angle to mistreat your gspot with every rough thrust. Fever-filled eyes struggling to stay open with his hips taking on a furious pace- his lips mumbling words muffled by pretty whimpers. 
Choso's face was adorned with the lightest sheen of sweat on his airline, furrowed eyebrows, and clenched teeth as he had his way with you.
His thumb rubbed harsher circles- so fucking eager to finish together as your moans drew clearer. Threats that he was close spoken in broken mutters- a breathy string of moans leaving your lips in response. 
Air being knocked from your lungs with every mean thrust against your thighs- and with one guttural groan leaving his clenched teeth, Choso spilled his thick seed into your cunt. 
His movements with his thumb refused to stop as the fulfillment of his spend pushed you over the edge.
Walls twitching around him as he slowed his thrusts, fucking his seed further into your as your breathing steadied. Choso's tired eyes looked down at you with a heaving chest- his back unable to keep his posture as he eased himself down onto you. 
Pressing his ear against your collarbone and easing his hold on your leg. Allowing your thighs to press against his hips, arms instinctively thralling over his shoulders, a sigh laced with a moan leaving his lips. 
Choso's softening cock twitched inside of you with every after-orgasm tremble that shook in his shoulders. 
"So much," he huffed heavily, swallowing lightly. "-for just watching." he smiled, closing his eyes against your chest and feeling a half laugh rumble against his profile. 
The realization of that expression you held while looking at him most of the time— meant pure filth. He hazily thought back to every time you looked at him with bedroom eyes and smiled to himself. 
-
(a.n) tarde pero sin sueno, start of Choso week hehe
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hyunebunx · 1 month
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⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 ⏖ ’ skz and the reason you aren't together !
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⁺ 𖹭 . genre: angst
⁺ 𖹭 . a/n: i loveee me some angst so i hope you'll enjoy! <3 seungmin's part is slightly longer because i wrote it for my beloved keisy @starlostseungmin <3
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𝜗୧ chan 𝜗୧ - he chose work over pursuing his feelings for you.
He knows how you feel about him, and you know how he feels about you. Things couldn’t be simpler.
But in reality, things were more complicated than ever. Yes, Chan did in fact confess, but with the same breath he also told you this could never go any further.
You were devastated, confused and sad, not understanding what was going on through that bright mind of his.
You liked each other, you both wanted this – so, what was the issue?
It wasn’t you, it could never be. It was him, as always.
He was too busy, his job too demanding to leave any room for you and the precious feelings you’ve developed for him.
Chan felt like he didn’t deserve your love, because he could never be there for you in the way you needed a boyfriend to be.
He could never be there every morning when you woke up, kiss you goodbye each time you left the house or greet you with a big hug when you returned. He just couldn’t, too caught up in work to even notice the hours tick by.
You didn’t deserve an absent lover, one that could not put you first.
No matter how much he cared, how much his whole being longed for you, his job would always be his main priority. Then, his seven brothers. While you, would end up being third on his list.
It pained him to admit it, and even more so admit it to you but since he respected you so much, you deserved nothing but the truth.
This information crushed you, every word that left his mouth a stone that contributed to the mountain you were quickly getting buried under.
“But I love you.”
He shook his head, brown curls getting into glossy eyes. “I love you too, but we – I, can’t.”
At the end, just as you were preparing to depart his studio, he stood up. Without thinking, you hugged tightly, aware this would be the last time before things would change forever.
“Please don’t be sad because of me.”
How could you not? How did he expect you to not mourn the beautiful relationship you could have had, if only he wasn’t so against it?
If only he would have chosen you.
𝜗୧ minho 𝜗୧ - because he broke up with you.
Yeah, pro idol Minho ended your relationship on a random Thursday night, taking everyone but most importantly you, by complete surprise.
“Let’s break up.”
You can’t believe your ears, especially since you’re in his house, eating the food he just prepared for the both of you, in his kitchen while wearing one of his shirts.
Nothing was amiss, nothing even prompted it. Things have been going great in your relationship – there was no recent argument or disagreement that could explain his sudden decision.
Blames it on his work and his hectic schedule, trying to appear as detached and unaffected as he possibly could. But you know better; you see it all.
The way his fist clenches over the dish rag, how his eyes won’t meet yours even for a split second. This isn’t something he wants to do, not in the slightest. Yet, here he is, breaking both of your hearts for a reason he doesn’t even bother revealing.
It stings in the worst way possible, even more so when you stand up to hug him and he just puts a hand up, stopping you in your tracks.
“Please, Y/n. Don’t make this harder for me.”
Tears well up in your eyes and that’s when he looks away, slumping against the counter as a sniff reaches his ears. He’s gripping the wood with such force you’re afraid it might actually snap.
“Why are you doing this? What’s going on?”
But Minho doesn’t respond, not even as you start crying and begging him to talk to you, to tear down the wall he suddenly plopped right between you two in your relationship.
He’s so close, mere inches away, but his heart that belonged to you, that always responded to yours, is suddenly grabbed harshly out of your hands and shipped away to an unknown destination.
“Minho.” You sniff, not hiding your tears or the pain that’s slowly ripping your heart to pieces and letting them fall all the way down to your stomach, trying to escape from the torture. Because even the idea of not having him in your life was pure torture.
“I think you should go.”
He walks past you, head hung low as he throws the dish rag on the table without saying anything else, putting an end to the conversation. An end to your relationship. Throwing it all away like the time spent together meant absolutely nothing to him.
Like it was the easiest thing in the world.
But it wasn’t, not like he’d ever let see you the way he broke down as you slammed the front door shut, walking out of his life for good. Even if you didn’t agree, it was better this way.
Your life was better, and happier, without him in it. That’s what he kept murmuring to himself as he slid to the ground, against his bedroom door, crying while clutching his chest, afraid his heart might stop beating.
It was all for the better.
𝜗୧ changbin 𝜗୧ - is already in a relationship.
The most stupid thing you can ever do in this lifetime is fall in love with someone who’s already in love with another.
Not only is he in love, he’s also in relationship that’s been going on for three beautiful years.
The thing is, you haven’t always had feelings for Changbin.
It was weird, really. For the longest time now, he was just your bubbly co-worker who laughed so loud the whole department could hear him. The mood maker of the company.
It happened on the annual Christmas party, where you drunk a little too much as you were nursing a broken heart after your ex dumped you out of the blue.
The whole world was spinning but you were happy – happier than you’ve been in months.
Noticing you could barely stand, Changbin ever the gentleman, offered to drive you home.
You complained and complained but after some more convincing from him, Changbin managed to coax you onto the passenger seat of his sports car.
You were silent the whole ride but as he parked on your driveway, he gasped, worriedly grasping your hands and exclaiming about the tears on your cheeks. You didn’t even notice you were crying.
But that’s when the dam broke and it all came to the surface, tears flowing freely down your face and neck as you sobbed, telling Changbin everything from beginning to end.
And he listened, holding your hands and nodding when appropriate, offering you the occasional sip of water or a tissue to wipe your face, not interrupting once.
His heart broke for you, unaware his mere presence was already working on mending yours.
The next morning, you almost didn’t show up to work as you remembered everything, how you made a fool out of yourself in front of everyone but especially Changbin. But something pushed you to do so.
As you arrived, a care basket was on your desk, accompanied by a little note with a crooked smiley face and then, he appeared, doing the exact same expression.
And you laughed, wholeheartedly. And you continued to do so as you began taking your lunch breaks together, working side by side and even taking turns on driving the other home.
Falling for him was inevitable, but you didn’t mind, all warm and fuzzy on the inside as the heart your ex broke was anew.
That is, until you met her. You and Changbin became so close that he couldn’t help but want to introduce you to his other half, the woman who loved him unconditionally that knew a little too much about you.
And just like that, your heart shattered once again, the pieces so tiny they were easily blown away in the wind, leaving behind a big whole were all of your love once resided. How could you be so stupid to believe someone could ever love you again?
𝜗୧ hyunjin 𝜗୧ - you found out he was in love with someone else.
Plain and simple, as heartbreaking as it sounds.
Let me paint this picture: you two are best friends, each other’s safe places. You always talk about everything and anything with one another, feeling comfortable to share even your darkest secrets.
Because of that, you genuinely thought he might even reciprocate your feelings at some point.
But one day, as you’re both hanging out at your house, watching a movie, all of the hope and daydreams you held in your heart for a happy ending with him just get crushed.
He suddenly dumps this new information on you while he’s casually munching on some popcorn, watching the couple on the screen confess their love for each other like your heart didn’t just stop beating.
You’re so taken aback that you stop breathing for a moment, looking at him with wide eyes.
For some strange reason, Hyunjin doesn’t meet your gaze even as it goes silent between you two and your eyes keep burning holes into the side of his head.
Only when you finally tear your gaze away, eyes glossy as you try to murmur encouraging words does he finally turn to you.
His breath hitches in his throat at the sight but other than that, he doesn’t comment on it.
The whole ordeal feels like a slap in the face, hurting more than any physical injury you’ve ever sustained but, it’s not like you could blame anyone but yourself for it. You’ve missed your chance and now, Hyunjin was going to be in a happy relationship with someone else.
So, as expected from any best friend put in that situation, you say through gritted teeth.
“You should confess.”
Hyunjin searches your face for any sign of discomfort and finds many – but, as expected, doesn’t say anything, just looks away and nods slowly. Like he just can’t maintain eye contact for more than five seconds at a time.
And that’s the end of it. The whole vibe changes, now uncomfortable and cold and it’s clear that neither of you is paying any attention to the movie anymore.
But he still remains till the end, and when the credits start rolling, you stand up first and bid him goodnight without your usual warm smile or departing embrace before sprinting up the stairs to your room.
His heart squeezes painfully in his chest as your door slams shut, the tears in your eyes bringing him unexplainable sorrow.
And as he leaves your apartment that night, down in the dumps, you know things between you have changed forever.
Because that’s the last time you and Hyunjin talk.
𝜗୧ jisung 𝜗୧ - he hasn’t confessed yet.
Jisung has liked you for a while now but for some reason, every time he wanted to take that leap of faith and finally confess, something always came up.
You were interrupted, plans had to be cancelled or you were simply too busy to even talk to each other.
It was driving him insane, especially when he’d spot you at an event surrounded by people he felt he couldn’t push through, missing his chance at your attention every time.
He felt forced to watch you from the sidelines, a background character in your life that would never get his moment to shine.
You were friends, but he often felt he cared about you more than you cared about him and it was tearing him apart.
Each time you smiled or laughed at one of his jokes, everything around him disappeared as time seemed to come to a stop, making you look even more beautiful. Which was a hard thing to do since you were already perfect in his eyes.
His insecurities and crippling fear of rejection were literally ruining his life, preventing him from experiencing the love story he’s been yearning for.
Jisung was good at hiding his feelings from you, but sometimes, he slipped up.
Like that time, he held your waist for a little too long, or guided your hands over the piano keys like it was the most natural thing in the world. Those moments when he wasn’t overly conscious, when he got lost in the moment, were your favorite.
You see, in his mission to prevent you from discovering how insanely in love he was with you, Jisung managed to make you believe the opposite. That he hated you. Okay, maybe not hate, just strongly dislike.
Always avoiding being left alone with you, barely meeting your eyes or pulling away when you got a little too close. He seemed repulsed, and it hurt you.
Where you really that unpleasant in his eyes?
He was nice and bubbly around everyone else, no matter the gender. Why couldn’t he be the same Jisung whose smile made your heart skip several beats around you, too?
This went on for a long while, which solidified the idea he hated you in your head, until you couldn’t take it anymore.
One day, Jisung almost walked in on you and Felix…hugging on the practice room floor? His heart dropped, brows furrowing in confusion. Felix knew how he felt about you, he would never disregard that, right?
Everything clicked when he heard your muffled sobs and pained voice.
“I give up, Felix.” You said, hiding your face in his chest as a loud sob escaped you. “Jisung hates me, it’s official! I tried so, so hard but it was no use.” Felix murmured something back, deep voice uncharacteristically soft as he comforted you, caressing your back.
Jisung couldn’t hear what he said though, eyes filling with tears as the only thing resonating in his ears was the pounding of his own heart. You thought…he hated you?
𝜗୧ felix 𝜗୧ - because your relationship is too…complicated at the moment.
Complicated didn’t even begin to describe your relationship with the ray of sunshine.
He was your ex that somehow slithered his way back into your life again, only this time, as a friend. Not even, just an acquaintance that knew too many of your secrets and biggest aspirations.
There was no denying the feelings you still harbored for him, the flame flickering in your heart each time he was around; each time he spoke, he smiled, he laughed or even as much as looked at you, your heart thumped so loudly in your chest you were afraid he was able to hear it.
It was embarrassing, especially since he didn’t seem as affected.
Your relationship ended on a sour note – arguing, screaming, crying, the whole package.
Yet a few months later, when you happened to be at the same party, Felix accompanied by a friend walked up to you like nothing even happened, greeting you brightly.
It was horrible, and you almost cried right there and then, missing the way his doe eyes took in all of the little details that changed about you ever since you broke up, desperately committing them to memory.
Like he never wanted to forget, because he didn’t. Felix never wanted to forget about you, even if you didn’t love him anymore.
And so, this happened a few more times until the inevitable took place.
You kissed. And never spoke about it.
And then you kissed again, and again, until he was coming over to your house in the middle of the night to do more than kiss.
It messed with your head, the way he was looking at you – like you hung the stars on the night sky for him and him alone. Like he loved you and wasn’t breaking your heart each time those plush lips kissed every inch of your skin, worshipping every part of your body.
“Why do you keep coming back?” You’d whisper one night, resting your head on his naked chest as the moon bare witness to your unspoken feelings.
“You keep calling.”
“And when I’ll stop,” you move to look at him, face mere inches away from his, hands supporting your weight on his chest, “will you still come?”
He hesitates, staring straight into your eyes. “Most likely, yeah.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
Yeah…complicated.
𝜗୧ seungmin 𝜗୧ - because he is your best friend.
For most, the transition from best friends to lovers was as natural as breathing, something inevitable that was bound to happen one way or the other. Not for Seungmin.
He didn’t even allow his mind to go down that road, to think about being more than friends with you, one of the people he held the closest to his heart.
Not because he didn’t have romantic feelings for you, but because he was afraid.
Yes, he was afraid that once that line was crossed, the one that kept you firmly in place in the beautiful friendship that only blossomed and became very special over the years, it would all disappear.
Things would change and shift, which would bring forth your downfall.
In his eyes, the risk of fighting and breaking up was too big for him to even consider taking your relationship to the next level. He didn’t want to lose you, never.
But what he failed to take into account was that you would not stay single forever.
That’s why, the moment you skipped over to him and squealed about having a date, his heart almost stopped beating.
His world was spinning, like an earthquake started in his head which was quickly crumbling down every single wall and boundary, and rational decision he ever made over the years.
“You…have a date?” He gulped, ignoring the alarms going off in his head that were deafening him. “With who?”
“This guy from work.” You shrugged, excitement dimming as your gaze met his, serious. “He isn’t the one I like, but I guess it will have to do for now.”
Seungmin wasn’t stupid but his heart understood your allusion before his mind did, thumping loudly and stealing his breath away.
You were talking about him. You were going out with another guy but were thinking about him – he was the one you liked!
Still, he didn’t vocalize a response, choosing to nod and pat you on the back gently, staring at anything else other than the disappointment that overwhelmed your whole frame, making you appear oh so small.
The day of your date arrived sooner than he’d like, and Seungmin was miserable, especially since you texted him the location ‘just in case’.
Usually, he was more than happy to know where you were, safe and sound, but this time he would have preferred you didn’t let him know you were with another guy at the restaurant you frequented together.
Hours passed, and night was making its presence known, but still no sign from you. Was he worried? No. Because for once, you staying out meant the date was a success and you were having the time of your life with this guy that wasn’t him.
That’s until, a mere half an hour later, loud knocking had him off the couch in a second, opening the door to find you frowning, and with tears in your eyes. Opening his mouth to speak, shocked, thinking something had happened on the date, your finger hitting his chest stopped him.
“Why didn’t you come?” You sniffed. “I thought going out with someone else would finally prompt you to admit that what we have is more than a simple friendship! Do you hate me that much?”
He was speechless, grabbing you by the elbows as you barged in, tears streaming down your face.
“Answer me, Kim Seungmin!” Well, he was fucked.
𝜗୧ jeongin 𝜗୧ - isn’t sure what he feels for you yet.
Or better yet, his commitment issues prevented him from admitting to any feelings he might have.
See, you weren’t just friends. You were a little more than that, spending most of your free time together going to cute cafes and what would be considered dates, acting all lovey dovey.
That is, when you weren’t spending the weekend bound to his bed. That wasn’t fair, sometimes he was the one tied up. A very mutual arrangement.
Jeongin managed to drag you into a situationship you were now too deep into to break off, having developed actual feelings.
But each time you tried to speak to him about said feelings, he’d close off quicker than a frightened snail, impossible to reach.
After each one of these occasions, he wouldn’t contact you for days on end, sometimes even weeks, leaving you wondering if he’d ever come back.
He always did, he couldn’t stay away from you no matter how much he tried.
Even if he messed with other people in that time, he’d still make his way back to you, smiling like nothing even happened and ready to give you all of his attention and affection again.
It was exhausting, and very, very painful.
But you still welcomed him back with open arms, too happy to see him to even care that each time he appeared in your life again, you were not the same.
Every time he disappeared and you didn’t say anything, a piece of your heart was ripped off harshly, stomped on and then thrown in the trash, devoid of any color or life. Like an old toy, forgotten in favor of a new, shiny one.
But Jeongin didn’t care. It’s not like he could be bothered to pick up your scattered pieces – they didn’t interest him, you did.
Not like he ever noticed the light in your eyes dimming each time he stormed back into your life after pretending you didn’t exist for weeks.
To be honest, you don’t think you’ll ever be together.
Not now, or in the future.
No matter how much you hated to admit it, the facts were neatly laid out before you – Jeonging didn’t care about you at all, no matter how sweet, loving or good you were to him.
He thought you couldn’t notice, that your love for him was too blinding for you to see anything else other than him.
But you did. And he also did when one day, for the first time since he met you, as he stumbled out of a bar, giddy and tipsy with his phone to his ear ready to hear your sweet voice, his call didn’t go through.
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thehauntedetheral · 2 months
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YANDERE ASSASIN
Requests are open !
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• You and your husband has been married for 2 years now. And you were happy with each other.
• You are an accountant for a company while your husband is an engineer.
• You were like any other normal couple working, eating dinner together, going out on weekends, doing the usual day to day stuff.
• But one thing you didn't knew was that well your husband is an fake engineer who pretends to be one.
• In reality he is a most sought after assasin who is hired to kill top level people.
• The "I have to go out for two days for a project darling" is nothing but a excuse he gives you to go and kill his target in another state.
• Have guns hidden in various places in your shared home for " safety purpose ".
• One time you found one of his gun and asked him why is it here? "Hehe well darling the crime rate is increasing day by day I bought it for us for our safety I even have a legal licence for the gun." (Yes a licence for being an assasin)
• This is the same man who melts into your arms, follows you around the house like a puppy, looks at you like you hung the moon and stars and also the same man who doesn't miss his target even from miles and shoots them mercilessly.
• Hits all the target in a shooting game giving you a huge stuffed teddy bear while saying "Beginner's luck, baby."
• Yan vowed in the beginning phase of his job that he would never get married due to his job risk but you entered his life, made him break his vow as he asked you to marry him after falling so desperately in love with you. How couldn't he? You are just so damn perfect.
• You mentioned in a conversation to him casually how a co worker creeped you out by his staring. Boom from next day the co-worker now always avoids you like plague. (Because some unknown assasin threatened his life if he ever came near you)
• He has never been guilty in his life for killing people or having it as job but becomes guilty in a millisecond when he sees you sad thinking how bad of a husband I am? And to make all the clarifications clear you were not sad due to him you were just having your usual period mood swings. Because no way in hell this man would ever make you sad. Before making you cry he would shoot himself with his own gun.
• You both were watching an assasin movie on a weekend and you said how good looking and skilled that assasin the movie character is.
Meanwhile Yan's Mind : Control your self yan no need to be jealous you are better than that freaking stupid looking loser assasin. y/n just doesn't know. Control.
• Yan at a Halloween night comes home after shooting his target with a little blood on his clothes wearing his assasin black clothes and a gun in hand knowing full well that you are at your friend's house. Only to be surprised that you are at home throwing him a suprise Halloween party with others. You looking at him with a confused look as he stands on doorstep shocked.
Yan : Suprise baby!!! I came up dressed up as an assain that you liked in that movie. I hope you like it. (Saying with an akward smile while telling himself to not be so reckless next time)
Meanwhile the people at party who know the true Yan : 🧍‍♂️
• Is so damn protective of you due to his work line that whenever he leaves for days makes sure your friend stays with you and making sure you are safe through all the hidden cameras spread all over the house.
• He loves you a lot. He might be a deadly assasin to the whole world but he is just a normal engineer madly in love with you who just wants to devour you whole so no one else can have you.
• Reader to their friends : My husband won't ever hurt a fly.
Meanwhile Yan listening to this conversation: 🧍‍♂️
• When he is off duty he just spoils you with his cooking and spending all his time with you cuddling watching shows and just talking.
• Prays to god that you never found out about his true job afraid that you would get scared and leave him.
For more yandere reading :
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luveline · 4 months
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coworker!james and readers first kiss pretty pretty please? with cherry on top? i love these pining idiots in love so much!
ty for requesting <3 fem, 1.4k
“What are you doing?” 
A warm voice and a warmer hand pressed to your shoulder. You hide the mug under your palm and look up, finding yourself face to face with a grinning James. 
His glasses make his eyes a little smaller than they are in actuality. Closer, you can see all the different shades that surround his pupils, and his hedging of dark lashes, so dark it’s like he’s wearing makeup. 
“Nothing.” 
“It doesn’t look like nothing.” His hand remains on your shoulder, a brand as the other grabs at a torn corner of a packet you’d failed to throw away. Your lips part in horror, but he can’t be stopped now. “Um, excuse me, lovely girl, but you wouldn’t know what this is off, would you?” 
“Me?” 
“You, yeah.” 
“Um…” You squint at the packaging in mock confusion. “No, don’t think so.” 
“Well, there’s one way to get to the bottom of this.” 
He moves his hand, for which you’re thankful and disappointed at once. It had been close to a hug, that warmth lingering as James opens the kitchen cupboard and sorts through tens of boxes before pulling down a hastily returned cardboard box. ‘JAMES’ has been written across it in bold sharpie. 
He slips out a hot chocolate sachet from the box and compares the scrap he’d found to the corner. They are, unfortunately, an exact match. 
“Where do you get the audacity?” he asks plainly. 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“So what’s that, then?” 
“It’s nothing,” you say, sliding the mug further away from you both. 
There’s a silence. James puts the box back in the cupboard and peers at you where you’re curling in on yourself. He’s trying to intimidate you, at least for fun, something weighted and smiley about his gaze as he slides his arm between you and the counter. “If it’s nothing,” he says quietly, “then show it to me.” 
You angle your face up to explain yourself. He’d looked sad, tired even, and you’d hoped making him a cup of hot chocolate would cheer him up. Things between you lately are clearly different, not just to you but to everyone around you. All your interactions feel watched. James’ hand curling against your waist doesn’t even feel new, it just feels firm. 
A big hand, his thumb pressing into your soft stomach. 
Your breath catches as he moves you out of his way. 
“Is this my mug, too?” he asks, all tension draining, your relief a quick breath. (Your disappointment somewhere hidden beneath it.) “You’re the cheekiest girl alive. Shame on you.” 
You give him a strange look. He can’t ignore it, you’re too obvious. 
“What?” he asks, nudging the mug back toward your hand. 
For a second you…
“I’m just kidding,” he says, his eyes widening the longer you remain speechless. “You don’t have to panic. I’m joking, I don’t care.” 
“I was making it for you,” you say. 
James’ brows relax. “You were?” 
You give him the mug, and you don’t know what to do, what can you do? If you linger he’ll work out what you’re thinking, he has a detector for all your most embarrassing thoughts, you’re sure of it. You nod emphatically and weave around him without another word. 
“Y/N,” he says to your back. The door handle is cold in your hand. You almost walk straight into it. “Y/N, wait a second!” 
You turn around, weary of a scene. “I’m fine,” you say, startled by his reaction, “I just need a minute.” 
“What’s wrong?” he asks. 
“I’m fine.” You summon your most convincing smile. Your heart bends against your ribs. “Really.” 
You leave him standing in the kitchen, nonplussed, rushing out of the main part of the office and down the two flights of stairs. Out past the receptionists, down the concrete steps, where you stop at the bottom, and sit down hard. 
What are you doing? 
Where can you go? You can’t go anywhere. James is going to know exactly what it is that made you react like that, is going to realise you have feelings for him entirely outside of the common realm. And you’ll have to keep sitting at your adjacent desks pretending it’s not true. 
Why would he do that to you? His hand on your waist turning you toward him, your faces much closer than they’d ever been. James must know that’s an intimate touch. 
He’s messing with you. 
You spend five minutes glancing out at the car park before he comes to join you. It’s awful that you know that it’s him. The wind blows in pangs against the side of your face. 
“I’m really sorry,” James says, sitting on the second to last step beside you, a strange lack of space between your two bodies. “I didn’t mean to do that to you. To freak you out.” 
“It’s okay.” 
“I really didn’t. I know I’ve messed with you before, but you were looking at me like…” 
You rub your eye, a migraine brewing behind it. “Like what?” you ask. 
“I don’t know. Like that.” 
“How was I looking at you?” 
“I don’t know. Like I– Like I broke your heart.” He laughs ‘cos it’s stupid, but his laugh peters off strangely. 
“James, you were looking at me like you were…” What’s unsaid stays heavily between you. 
He looks off to the side, his hand coming up behind his hand to scratch his hair. Curls pull and plink as his fingers comb through them, he’s rough, but the lengths of his hair are shiny under what little of the sun floods through the cloud cover above. You watch him, stomach aching for an answer, some confirmation, but the more you look the less sure you are that you need it. Everything you feel for him wells to the surface. It’s hot, and urgent, and it’s getting too much for you to hold alone. 
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admits quietly. 
“James,” you say, wanting him like a palpable wound. Wanting him to need you too. “James,” you say again, putting your hand on his thigh carefully. 
He covers it instinctively. “What?” he asks. 
“Please, can I…” 
His eyes bore into yours, and follow your gaze when it tips down to his mouth. 
The skin between his brow creases with one deep wrinkle, his full lips twisted into a heart-hurting frown as he leans in. You close your eyes before he can close his own, waiting for him, to kiss you and to get this tugging yearning dealt with, but he doesn’t kiss you. His breath warms your lips and he turns to you completely, but he doesn’t kiss you. 
You want it so badly, you tip your chin up and press your lips to his. Terrified of him, because you really are in the palm of his hand now. It’s worse than when he hated you. 
He has the power to be a thousand times more cruel than he ever had before as you kiss him softly. 
James kisses back a second too late. He’s giving in to it and you’re pulling away, pins and needles in your hands. “Wait,” he says, his voice a shade of longing you’ve never heard, your eyes flashing open at the same time. His hand leaps for your waist. “Wait, please.” 
His fingers press into the dough of your side, holding you still, butterflies alive and riveted under his hand. 
You close your eyes on a whim, and he kisses you soundly. His lips part against yours to encourage a similar movement, his head tilted ever so slightly to one side and your noses smudged together. “Please,” he murmurs against your lips. 
You kiss him back like he kisses you. Soft, open-mouthed. 
His hand comes up to your face, pulling you forward, desperate to keep you close as he sighs against your mouth, the sound a vibration you feel at the back of your throat. 
Please, he’d said, like he wouldn’t get another go. 
Please. The tie on you snaps. 
You kiss him like you’ve never kissed anybody, hoping it isn’t just another obvious trick. 
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yuuuhiii · 5 months
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just with you
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includes : mikey x reader , comfort , angst
note : this made me so sad:((( he looks so empty ugh I needed to write smth abt that
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Manjiro hadn’t been answering your calls or texts. It worried you to no end.
From the beginning of your relationship with him, even prior to dating, you were aware that Manjiro was struggling internally.
Dark thoughts and impulses coursed through him and his mind. It hurt to watch him suffer from the inside, to see him struggle in silence as he stared off into nothing.
He had grown accustomed to emptiness and nothing until you came and brightened up his world. Though the abyss still lingered, you made everything better.
Your love enveloped Manjiro in a cocoon of emotions, with every kiss, touch, and word. You held his heart with care, mending it with your gentle touch and soothing words. Your promises of unwavering support, love, and protection were like a ray of hope in his darkest moments. You vowed to be his guiding light, saving him from the depths of his own despair.
You had spoken to Draken, but even he had not talked to Manjiro that day, which worried him as well. So, he gave you a ride to where you knew Manjiro would be.
He sat at the edge, holding a taiyaki in his hand and wearing his favorite jacket that you had bought him. You approached him as you heard him talking to the sweet snack.
Your heart breaks at the emptiness pooling in his eyes as he stares at a scenery that’d have anyone’s eyes wide with joy. You bite at your lip, trying to hold yourself back from crying. You run up to him, throwing your arms around his midsection, surprising him in the act.
He turned around, blinked at you, and smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. That scared you, as his eyes were so dull that you couldn't even see your reflection in them.
"Huh? What are you doing here?" he asked softly, without any hint of malice, his tone calm.
The waves crash against the shore. His words linger as you cry into his shirt.
“Why’re you crying?” He mumbles softly and it makes you pout.
You jump up and sit next to him, making him blink at you. He raises a hand, gently wiping at the next tear that threatened to leave your eyes.
"Don't cry," he says in a small voice as he waves the taiyaki.
Manjiro has always made you feel safe, made you feel comforted. You could only hope that he felt the same way.
You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in his hair as more cries escape you. He looks over at Draken and nods, silently asking him to leave.
“I’m sorry.” You mumble and he’s a little confused however he lets you continue.
“I love you, ‘Jiro. I’m here for you, I’ll always—always be here for you. Let me help you.” You whimper and his eyes widen, glancing down at you.
Your eyes meet his and for the first time that day, his eyes sparkle.
“Please, Manjiro, let me have you.” You plead, peering into his eyes with your tear-stricken ones.
He softly laughs, resting his forehead against yours. He closes his eyes and hums softly.
“I'm yours dummy, I—love you too.” He whispers so close to your lips.
Your lips barely touch but there’s something so intimate about it, the way you guys are so close to each other. He finally seals the kiss, leaning into you fully. The kiss is long and deep, it’s like a kiss you’d both share in the early hours of the morning. Or late into the night when the both of you are basking in each other’s arms.
When he pulls away he rests his head on your chest, the sound of your heartbeat calming his thoughts, filling with just you as he gazes at the water.
“It beats for you.” You say gently, your hands raking through his hair.
For hours you stay like that, Manjiro listening to your heartbeat as you both sat in silence. Admiring just how sometimes, simplistic life can be.
No worries, no problems, no thoughts, just with you.
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© yuuuhiii 24 : don’t plagiarize, translate, or post my work on other platforms
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neil-gaiman · 5 months
Note
Hello Mr Gaiman. I have read all of your books.
This is not an ask, rather an answer.
I would like to say thank you for saving me. Knowing I will never meet you will not change the way I feel about you or myself.
Love your fiction work. I feel bad for the fact that it’s not fiction to me. It is my life story.
Very sad one. That I am still trying to make sense of today.
I was raised by the other mother. Not really, but I was raised by a bipolar narcissist who hated me and loved me but didn’t know how to do either. She sexually abused me for 12 years.
No one ever believed me. No one.
So I would pretend that I was Coraline and that I was brave. I was. But that was because I knew that the spell had to break at some point.
I am 24 now. She is old and frail but the hell she has made in my mind - I almost never escaped. Until I understood that I truly was stronger.
Because she tried to make me just like her, but I refused. I picked kindness.
If you can’t find a friend, be one. If you can’t find someone you look up to- become someone who others can look up to.
I did. I tried my best. I promise.
I want to tell you the ultimate secret that no one ever could. You probably figured it out a long time ago, but it still makes me feel better to write it here, even if I know that you might never reply or ask me if I am safe, or dismiss me like a crazed fan/abused child who desperately needs help and attention.
I don’t. I would like to be your friend. But I know it is not possible.
So I want you to know I know why they do it.
They do it for the same reason as you wrote books. To not feel alone.
But that is the problem with existing in this world. Evil is nothing but not understanding yourself and hating different people from you.
Ignorance brings hate. How do you justify yourself in a world like this?
Simple.
You change the world by breading more people who believe hate is love, and love is hate. Evil needs justification. Kindness needs non.
I sat alone for 24 years and told no one. The paragraph above was just the start and the ending.
My story is still unfolding. But I wanted to let you know you are no longer sitting alone at your birthday party.
Because the only present I ever got was knowing someone else like me existed.
Someone who could look evil in the eye and stare back.
And never stop talking about it.
Thank you Mr. Gaiman, for writing “View from the Cheap Seats”
When I read it I put it down as well as the razor that I wanted to end my life with.
Because you were my only friend. And you still are.
And I cannot take the injustice anymore. If they won’t read, I will read to them.
I will save them just like you saved me. Making reading cool and easy.
And I will do it for you and me. So that no one else can see the horrors anywhere but in books and movies.
And I will do it one act of kindness and love at a time.
So they will know that injustice is just a state of mind.
Thank you Mr.Gaiman. You gave me hope.
And now I will do the unthinkable. I will try until my dying breath to change their mind.
One step forward into a future where you are not sad and a story like mine is just a horror movie and not a reality.
Because you are my only friend, and I hate to see my friends sad.
Leto
I'm so proud of you, and this made me tear up.
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seungminhour · 8 months
Text
[💭] thinking about the types of hugs bf!skz would give you
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◞✩ pairing : bf!skz (individual) x gn!reader
◞✩ contains : lots and lots and lots of fluff and hugs and just the boys being so smitten lol, probably some typos, i have not looked over this too well
◞✩ notes : this has been in my drafts for ages, but i never got around to finishing it lol. also, i wont lie, i loved writing in this little bulleted style. im gonna have to write more silly little things like this! anyway, i hope you all enjoy 🫶
01. bang chan - bear hugs
will open his arms and just let you launch yourself into his embrace no matter the mood you’re in
you’re sad? he just opens his arms silently and lets you come to him on your own terms
you’re seeing him for the first time since he left for tour? opens his arms and lets you come flying to him - catches you every single time
literally engulfs you completely
gently rocks you back and forth when you need it, running his fingers through your hair and whispering sweet things into your ear
“shh, baby it’s going to be okay. you’re fine, i’m right here if you need me”
definitely the type to cup your face, wipe your tears away and tell you to “turn that frown upside down” with the sweetest look on his face (it works every single time of course bc your bf is just so sweet and loving and caring and you can’t help but crack the smallest of smiles at him)
tries so hard to shield you away from the rest of the world by being in his arms
also uses it as a way to annoy you
will come up behind you while you’re trying to do something and just drape himself fully over your back
won’t get off until one (or both) of you end up on the floor
02. lee minho - back hugs
i Really have been thinking about back hugs and lee know recently, like it’s taken over 80% of all my thoughts
he especially loves back hugs in the mornings, like i’m talking clingy in the mornings
sometimes you wake up before him and you’ll be cooking breakfast for the two of you and he’ll quietly sneak up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and just watch as you cook
do NOT try to get him off of you, because he Will retaliate by digging his chin into your shoulder to get you to stop wiggling
you’ll feed him little bites over you shoulder while asking if it needs anything
he’ll do his cute little “mmm!~” and shake his head against your shoulder
you wake him up while while you’re trying to get out of bed? good luck because he’s reaching up and grabbing you by the waist to drag you back in
“where do you think you’re going? it’s not time to get out of bed yet”
holds you there until one or both of you fall back asleep
loves to stand behind you and watch you do your nighttime routine too
asks so many (of the same) questions just because he likes to hear you talk
gets all doe eyed while watching you explain to him the benefits of one face mask over the other
he really is just smitten
03. seo changbin - picks you up and spins you around
this man. oh my god
you cannot convince me that he doesn’t love to pick you up and just take you places
like if you wanna go somewhere and you’re sitting down, be prepared for him to just lift you up and take you where you need
time for bed? he will gently pick you up off the couch and bring you to bed himself, just because he can
absolutely looooooves when you get all flustered by it
“binnie, i can walk myself you know?”
“just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”
is alllllllll about the princess treatment
as a result this translates over to his hugs 100%
literally almost knocks over the guys when he sees you come in the practice room one day
sprints full force at you until he’s scooping you up in his arms to spin you around and around until you’re breathless and dizzy
loves to pick you up and gently sway the two of you when you’re not feeling the greatest
if you come home upset and he’s there, he’s immediately picking you up and rocking you side to side as he runs his hands through your hair
sometimes you want to talk about what’s made you this upset, other time you don’t, so he’ll just hold you in place until you tell him what you need - whether that be a warm bath to relax (which he carries you to) or to be let down so you can pace and rant about how shitty of a day you had
04. hwang hyunjin - buries his face in your neck
he just wants to be as close to you as he can possibly get
loves loves loves the whole skinship of it
sooooo many neck / shoulder kisses!!!
so soft and sweet about it :(
he’ll gently hold you face in one hand while he moves you hair to the side with the other so he can make space for himself between your neck and your shoulder
always leaves at least one kiss to your neck before he rests his forehead there
“you know, hyune, you can’t just hide in my neck forever. at some point you need to come out”
will literally pout, shake his head and shove his face closer to you
he’ll fall asleep like that too
if you two have a movie night on the couch, be ready for him to lay directly on top of you, shove his face into your neck, and then promptly fall asleep within the first 20 minutes
the list of unfinished movies you guys have is astronomically long because this happens so often
you can tell if it’s been a bad day when he comes home and immediately goes to hide away from everything in your neck.
you just hold him there for as long as he needs
sometimes he will talk about it, other times he will just sit there, quietly sniffling while you comb your hands through his hair to bring him a little comfort
05. han jisung - clings to you
i will forever and always stand by the fact that han jisung is one clingy motherfucker okay
like i’m talking he launches himself at you the moment you step through the door when you get home
will not let you go for at least 5 minutes
“hanji, babe, can you at least let me put my things down first?”
the little fucker would hold you tighter and pout “nooo, i just missed you so much, wanna hold you for a few more minutes”
definitely calls it his “recharging time”
will 100% get all whiny and pouty if he doesn’t get to hug you for as long as he wants to
somehow manages to be the worlds biggest blanket hog and the worlds biggest cuddler at the same time
half the time you wake up freezing cold on one side and burning up on the other from where he has cocooned himself in all the blankets and then clung onto you for dear life
does not shy away from sticking to you in front of his friends
if you guys have a movie night with everyone in the dorms, he is not content until you are sat in his lap with his arms wrapped around you and his head pressed against yours
bonus points if it’s a scary movie and you sit sideways in his lap so you can hide your face in his neck when it gets too spooky
06. lee felix - squeezes you
this man just has so much love and happiness to spread, he can’t help but squeeze the life out of you every time he sees you
it doesn’t matter how long it’s been either
a day, a week, hell even if you just go to take a shower and come back he’s squeezing you as soon as you return
most definitely shakes you a bit while holding on to you for dear life
grabs you and does the fully body vibrate thing just to annoy you
sometimes he gets a little carried away and you’ll have to remind him that you actually Do need to breathe at some point
“lix, baby, i can’t- i can’t really breathe-“
“oh!” he’d giggle bc ofc he would, “i’m sorry baby, sometimes i just forget how tightly i’m holding you.”
gives you tiny reassuring squeezes when you need them tho
he can somehow always tell when you’re having even the slightest of bad days
also can tell exactly what kind of squeeze you need
if you come home upset, he’s right there to grab you and hold you tight, kissing the side of your head as the tears that have been building up all day finally come crashing down
tries to physically squeeze the sadness from you because he hates seeing you like this :(
if you come home mad, he’ll sit with you while you rant about your day and offer small, reassuring squeezes to your shoulder to show you he’s listening
07. kim seungmin - rests his head on / against yours
idk smth about seungmin just screams that he loves to rest his head on or against yours
and if he’s tall enough to place his chin on the top of your head? oh he’s giddy about it every single time
loves to wrap his arms around your shoulders from behind, place his chin on top of your head, and just stand there like that
is also a little shit about it ofc
“you’re so short, i can see clear over your head. how embarrassing.”
“yeah, but you love it.”
he does indeed love it.
he loves that he can rest his head against yours if he needs a little recharge and he loves the smell of your shampoo and he loves how close your temple is for him to kiss
oh that’s another thing
he will kiss your temple / forehead any chance he gets - like it’s literally his favorite thing to do
when you really need comfort, he’ll pull you close and kiss your forehead before resting his against yours while you try to forget how terrible of a day you had
softly knocks his head against yours just for the fun of it
he loves to hear you giggle and get tripped up on your words when he does it, so he’ll keep doing it until you physically have to pull yourself out of his embrace just to finish your story
08. yang jeongin - waist hugs
i just really think he would be the type to wrap his arms around your waist and never let go, ya know???
like he would always be holding your waist in some way when you’re out in public just to make it easier to tug you into his arms whenever needed
loves loves loves to slowly move his hands from your sides to your back just to tease you a little bit
will 100% use giving you a hug as an excuse to start a tickle fight tho, so always be on your toes
he’ll sneak up behind you, snake his hands around your waist while acting like the innocent and sweet and loving bf he is
and then as soon as you let your guard down he’s going in for the kill, digging his fingers into your sides and tickling the life out of you
won’t stop until you call mercy
“i’m going to have to take away your hugging privileges if all you’re going to use them for is to tickle me.”
“you wouldn’t dare to take them away. you love my hugs far too much for that.”
walks away all smugly because he know he’s right. you would never deny him a hug, even though you know the risk of it ending in tickles
loves to gently run his hands up and down your sides while he’s listening to you talk
he’ll definitely slide them under the hem of your shirt
sometimes this is to place his freezing cold hands against your warm skin to make you jump, other times it’s to provide comfort when you need it
he’s slide his hands under you shirt and gently runs his hands up and down your bare sides and back when you’ve had a particularly rough day
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briefinquiries · 2 months
Text
Spencer Reid x Reader: Until You Do
Prompt: You & Reid have unspoken feelings for each other.
Word count: 6.7k
Warnings: blood / injury mention
A/N: This is a shameless repost (still trying to repost my fics since they got deleted. Enjoy :)
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“Sorry I’m late,” Spencer says as he hurries into the briefing room. In one swift motion he slides his bag off his shoulder, laying it gently on the floor beside him, as he takes a seat in the only empty chair around the table. 
Emily nods slightly in response, simultaneously telling Spencer that his lateness was excused, while also encouraging Garcia to continue presenting the team’s current case. 
“Right, um, two people have been murdered outside of Seattle in their homes all within the last two weeks-”
While Garcia continues to speak, you let your gaze wander towards Spencer.  His eyes are intently staring at the picture presented on the screen. He looks okay today, still tired, but not as disheveled as you’ve seen recently. You wonder if maybe he slept in today, and that was why he’d been late to work.  
Prentiss starts talking about the victimology of the case when Spencer’s eyes shift and catch yours. Instantly, you’re flooded with the embarrassment of being caught staring. You swallow the lump in your throat and quickly move your gaze into your hands resting in your lap. You feel Spencer’s eyes linger on you for a few moments longer, all the while hoping that he doesn’t notice the shade of pink your cheeks are slowly turning.  
Focus, you think to yourself.You have a job to do. You turn your attention to the grisly murder scene displayed on the screen and tune back into Garcia’s voice.
“But hold onto your hats, crime fighters, because that’s not even the worst of this whole thing,” she elaborates. “On top of… all the gory things Emily just said, these poor people were all found missing parts of their liver and pancreas.” Her face contorts into a look of disgust, as if just saying the words out loud brought a bad taste to her mouth. “And check this out,” Garcia clicks a button on her remote and brings up a coroner’s report on the screen.
Reid scans the document faster than anyone else. He’s the first to speak. “They were alive when the Unsub cut out their organs.”
Garcia’s sad inhale can be heard throughout the room. “And that is why I am perfectly happy staying in the safe confinement of my bat cave while you all go out and fight evil.”
After Emily calls for wheels up in twenty, the team disperses out of the briefing room, each heading to their desks to gather their to-go bags and whatever other materials they might need for the ride to Seattle. 
“Does Spence look off to you today?” JJ’s voice comes from behind you while you rummage through the top drawer of your desk for your cell phone. She leans against your chair casually and looks towards Reid. He’s standing across the room, clutching his shoulder bag and listening intently to something Matt was saying. 
“What?” you sputter, just the sound of Spencer’s name sending you into overdrive. “How should I know?”
You realize only after the words leave your mouth how defensive they sound. You bite your lip and try to backpedal. “I mean, I don’t know. He seems fine to me.”  
JJ narrows her eyes at you, clearly not buying your act. She is a profiler after all. But before she can interrogate your strange behavior any further, you stand up, grabbing hold of your duffel bag, and brush past her towards the exit. 
The truth is, you’ve had feelings for Spencer for a while now. Longer than you’d like to admit. But you’re barely able to admit that to yourself, let alone anyone else. Especially anyone on the team.  
Your love is unrealistic and unrequited. A combination that is destined for disaster. So, despite everything inside of you screaming for you to act on your feelings, you choose to bury them.  Because that is what’s best for everyone. Everyone except for you.  
Spencer tries not to overthink you staring at him. Or the way your cheeks blushed that beautiful shade of pink when he caught you. He can’t keep getting his hopes up when it comes to you, though. He’s already been let down so many times.  
He thinks back to the very first week you joined the Bureau. God, he was absolutely starstruck as soon as you walked through the door. And if Luke hadn’t commented on the drool pouring down Spencer’s chin, he’s sure his mouth would’ve dropped all the way to his feet.  
He’s even more intrigued the more he gets to know you- or rather, not know you, as time went on. Your incessant need for privacy peaked Spencer’s interest. You are mysterious, and Spencer’s always loved a good mystery. 
“Would you want to get dinner with me tonight?” Spencer had asked you, only a month after you’d joined the team.  
He still remembers how nervous he was, his clammy hands clutching tightly to the strap of his bag. He had to remind himself to breathe or else he might have passed out. 
You barely looked up from the paperwork at your desk before turning him down. “Can’t tonight, I’m playing catch up,” you had said, your voice was void of anything even resembling interest. 
“Don’t give up,” Luke had told him, clapping his shoulder roughly in the elevator. “I think she’s into you. Just ask again in a couple days, maybe she really was just busy.”
Now that his confidence was shaken, it took extra convincing in order to gain enough courage to ask you to dinner a second time.  His stomach was full of butterflies, which Spencer always thought was a stupid analogy until now. But he swears he can feel their wings fluttering around inside of him as he approaches you, putting your coat on and ready to head home. 
“Uh, H-Hi,” he stutters. “Do you want to grab some dinner? With uh, with me?” He can hear the shakiness in his own voice.  
“Sure,” you had replied, looking up just as you finished doing up the last button on your jacket.  You pushed the hair out of your face and smiled at him before turning around to face your coworkers. “Hey- JJ, Pen, Rossi. Spencer and I are gonna grab dinner, you guys in?”
All the butterflies in Spencer’s stomach instantly stilled.
You had made it painfully obvious to Spencer that you were not interested. And he wasn’t one to push. 
Spencer tried getting over you. He tried stifling his feelings, ignoring the way he’d drop anything as soon as he heard your voice, or the way his spirits would instantly be lifted if Emily assigned the two of you the same task during a case. He tried not to notice that your favorite breakfast was toast with avocados or that you always bite your lip whenever you were stressed. And he tried not to pay attention to the fact that you liked your coffee with honey and jiggled your leg whenever you had to sit in one place for too long. Because that’s not the type of thing coworkers noticed about one another. 
But you had a way of always pulling him back in.  Like that morning you brought Spencer a coffee. You had laughed and said the barista messed up your original order, so you got that one for free, honestly it was no big deal. But Spencer tasted the hint of cinnamon and extra cream, and smiled to himself. He spent the entire morning dwelling on the fact that you also knew exactly how he liked his coffee.    
Or, like when he’d catch you gazing at him during the briefing meetings. 
He’s almost sure that it was nothing. He did barge in late, afterall. Everyone stared at him, right?  So why can’t he stop thinking about it?
Seattle lived up to its rainy reputation. From the minute the team lands, the skies were dark with storm clouds.  
Currently, you are all held up at the police station. After coordinating with the captain and deputies, you all start setting up in the back conference room. You work with Matt to start tacking up the info you already knew– pictures of the current victims, lists of possible witnesses all within a three mile radius of each crime scene, and any evidence that had been found.  
Spencer immediately delves into cracking the geological profile, he has his nose practically pressed into the map of the area an officer had provided, seeing things no one else could. While the rest of the team worked through the Seattle PD’s casefiles, Garcia is on speaker phone, the light tapping of her keys can be heard faintly in the background.    
“Garcia, any known connection between the victims?”  
“Not that I can immediately see,” her voice rings through the speaker phone. “Katie is a second grade teacher, Ethan is a personal trainer at the local gym.”
“No gender preference,” JJ says while comparing the driver’s license photos of the victims. 
“No race preference either,” Luke observes. 
“Probably not surrogates,” Rossi drums his fingers together, too many differences.
“We have to be missing something,” Tara’s eyes wander from the photos of the victims.  
“I’ll keep digging,” Garcia assures you all. “I just might need to get my bigger shovel.”
That evening, a third victim is found just across town.  
“Luke, Matt– I want you to head to the dumpsite, canvas the area.” Emily orders. “Y/N, head to the coroner and check if the MO is the same for this victim as it was for the other two. See if you can find anything out about the missing organs. That has to mean something, we just don’t know what yet. JJ, Rossi, can you check out the victim’s house? Maybe we can start narrowing in how these people are all connected. Tara, the victims' family will be here soon. I’d like you to talk to them.”
Emily turns her back towards Spencer. He’s drawing lines on the map. “I’d like you to stay here, Reid. Maybe that third dumpsite can help you narrow down the geological profile.”  
The team all nod in agreement, before beginning to disperse out of the conference room.  
Garcia’s soft voice can be heard through the speaker ordering everyone to “Be safe!”
Once Reid is able to finish up his geological profile, pinpointing the Unsub’s comfort zone within the city, he really starts to feel like they’re closing in.  
“Using the abduction and dumpsites for each victim, I was able to narrow it down to this area,” Reid explains to Emily, drawing the lines on the board. Connected, they formed a small radius. “I think the Unsub lives in one of these three neighborhoods. Matt and Luke are in this area,” he points to one district. “And JJ and Rossi are here,” he points to the second. “If it’s alright, I’d like to head out to the last neighborhood, Medina. I’ll talk to the witnesses there and see what I can find out?”
Emily nods, “Good work, Reid.”
With Spencer gone, Tara and Emily are the only two left at the police station. Emily continues pouring over the evidence while Tara speaks to the victims’ families. About fifteen minutes after Reid leaves the precinct, Emily gets a call on her cell.
“What do you have?” 
“Emily, I think I might have found the connection we were missing between the victims.” You say through the phone. You’re at the coroner’s office still, the bodies of the three victims laid out in front of you. “The doctor said each of the victims had the blood type AB-negative.”
“That’s the rarest blood type,” Emily adds. 
“Exactly. Which could be a coincidence, but the fact that he’s removing organs makes me wonder– what if he’s trying to do a transplant?”
The pieces missing from the profile slowly start to click together in Emily’s mind. “Good work,” she says quickly. “Can you stay on the line for a minute? I’m going to patch Garcia through.”   
“Yeah,” you confirm. You wait a few moments before you hear a dial tone. After only one ring, the line connects. “Garcia, I need you to tell me if any of the names on our lists are suffering from fatal illnesses involving either the pancreas or the liver.”
Emily can hear the clicking of Garcia’s keyboard keys on the other end of the line as she works. 
“Zilch,” she says, disappointment evident in her voice.  
You sigh, but your gut really told you that this was important, so you pressed on. “What about family members of the names on our lists?”
After a few moments of searching Garcia inhales sharply. “There’s a Philip Gardiner on our list and his father, Joseph Gardiner, is currently suffering from stage 4 pancreatitis cancer.”  
There’s a brief pause before Garcia adds, “His medical records show that his father has AB negative blood type.”
“How would he know which victims have the same blood type as his father?” You ask. 
There’s a brief pause before Garcia says, “Philip Gardiner is a medical assistant at the family practice in Medina.”
“Let me guess–” Emily’s voice trails off. 
“All three victims were patients at that practice.”
That’s all that Emily needs. “What’s his address?”
“Already sent to all your phones.”
“Thanks, Garcia.” 
In a haste, Emily dials in the remaining members of the team. One by one, each group answers.  Everyone except for Spencer. His phone hits his voicemail, but Emily continues anyway. 
“Guys, I think we got him. A guy named Philip Gardiner, he was on our list of witnesses. His father has stage four pancreatitis cancer and we think he’s trying to find a healthy pancreas to give to his father.”
Emily looks up the address on the map Spencer so carefully drew out. She runs her finger along the map before finding the exact address.  
Meanwhile, you hear the ping of Garcia’s text ring through your phone. When you check the GPS distance, it says you’re only a mile away. In a haste, you offer the coroner a quick ‘thank you’, before heading out of the medical examiner’s room.  
“I’ve got his address here on the map,” Prentiss explains. Her finger trails around the region of the Unsub’s house, her heart stopping when she realizes that was the area that Reid was going to question witnesses… Alone.  “Penelope,” she says, her voice higher than usual. “Give me the list of witnesses in the Medina area.”   
Garcia begins rattling off a small list of names through the phone. But she inhales sharply after a moment before reading out the name, “Philip Gardiner.”
“Reid went to question the witnesses in the Medina area. He left just over an hour ago,” Prentiss explains.  
“What?” Your voice rings loudly on the line, as you hoist yourself into the SUV. Your entire insides fill with dread. 
“Can we try his phone again,” Matt suggests. 
“I’ve tried three times now, the first time it rang, but now it’s going straight to voicemail,” Garcia says worriedly.  
“Who’s closest to Medina?” Luke asks.  
“I am,” you say, checking your GPS. You’re only a few minutes away from where Reid was. Instantly, you fumble with your keys before harshly turning them and throwing the vehicle into gear. On impulse, you began speeding down the road in the direction of Spencer, pressing the pedal continuously harder.. 
“I want you to wait for backup,” Emily declares sternly. “This Unsub is armed and dangerous, I do not want you going there alone.”
“Emily–” you argue. Your knuckles are growing white with how hard you’re gripping the wheel. The sheer thought of Spencer, alone with that monster, makes you cringe. He had no clue that he was walking into the house of the Unsub– therefore he could have been jumped, or blitzed, or worse… You shake the thought out of your mind and focus instead on the road ahead. 
“Wait for Alvez and Simmons, they’re only ten minutes behind you,” Emily says over the phone.  
You shake your head, even though you know none of them can see you. “No, no, no,” you say, your voice starting to waiver. “No, that’s too long– he doesn’t know–”
“We’re on our way now,” Luke’s voice rings through the line.  
“It’s Reid–” you gasp, your eyes filling with tears. “I can’t leave him in there alone.”  You can’t stand the thought of Reid being hurt, when there’s the possibility of stopping it. If you go there now, you can save him– but if you wait for backup, like Prentiss suggested, he could die. 
“Y/L/N,” Emily states sternly. “I am ordering you to wait for backup, is that understood?”  
You continue speeding down the road, the Unsub’s house just up ahead. You can see Reid’s discarded vehicle parked on the side of the street, confirming what you already knew. He’s there. Your heart clenches in your chest.  
“It’s Spencer–” your voice is just above a whisper. You have direct orders from your supervisor.  Direct orders you know you need to follow, or else there would be serious repercussions. You could be demoted, or transferred, or fired from the Bureau all together. But then you imagine Spencer’s face, and you pictured the crime scene photos from the case. What if Spencer wound up like all those other victims? Cut up and discarded on the side of the road like a piece of garbage? You imagine him in there– alone with the Unsub, wondering if anyone was coming to save him. Yes, you think. You’re coming to save him. “I can’t wait, Emily. I’m sorry.”
You only hear the beginning part of her protest before you end the phone call with a click. You waste no time in launching yourself out of the black SUV, weapon drawn and quickly approaching the front door of the house.  
The drizzle that had been steady since that morning has turned into a hard rain fall. It makes seeing anything around you increasingly difficult. But once you approach the Unsub’s porch, you’re able to take a peek through the windows.  You’re hoping to see any sign of Spencer,  but instead, the curtains are drawn obstructing your view. 
With your heart beating wildly underneath your own chest, you burst through the unlocked door of Philip Gardiner’s home.  
As soon as your eyes adjust to the darkness inside the house, you’re shocked by what you see.  The first thing you notice is Reid. He’s kneeling on the ground with his hands placed above his head. His gun was laying on the ground five feet away from him, discarded like he’d been ordered to drop it. The second thing you realize is that you’re outnumbered. Because not only is Philip Gardiner pointing a gun at Spencer, but his father, Joseph is as well.  
You realize that you just assumed Philip’s father was incapacitated, too sickly and unwell to play any part in these murders. But now you can see that obviously isn’t the case.  
All eyes turn towards you upon your sudden entrance. But you only look at Reid. His sunken eyes widening when he sees you.    
“Put the gun down,” Philip orders, his voice deep and thick with malice. Joseph steps forward and grabs the back of Reid’s head, hoisting it back. He presses the barrel of his pistol right into Reid’s temple.    
“Okay,” you say instantly, trying not to panic. “Okay, okay–” you slowly start to lower your gun.  “I’m putting it down.” Don’t shoot him, don’t shoot him, your mind raced.  
You slide your glock across the floor towards Philip and his father carefully. The younger of the two Unsub’s wastes no time in scooping it up off the floor, before aiming his own gun at you.  
“Why’re you here?” he bellows, his voice shaking with emotion. “Why can’t you people just leave us alone!”
You take a deep breath, a feeble attempt at steadying yourself. “Philip, I’m here to help you,” you say calmly. 
The confusion on his face urges you to continue. “Actually, I’m here to help your father,” you tell him.
“My father?” he asks, his voice littered with skepticism.  
“That’s right, I heard he was sick.”
Philip steps closer to you, the gun never wavering in his hand. “That’s right.”
“I’m here to help. You need a transplant. Pancreas, right?”
Philip’s eyes widen and that’s when you realize you’ve gotten him right where you wanted him.  “Your father is AB-negative, right? That’s the rarest blood type, it’s hard to find a match.”
Your eyes dart to Spencer quickly, who’s still kneeling on the floor. He’s looking at you with desperation and fear plastered over his face. You wish he could read your mind, could hear what you were thinking. You are going to get out of here, you’d tell him. I am going to make sure that you get out of here alive.  
Even if it means I don’t. 
“He can’t help you. He won’t be a match,” you tell them, gesturing towards Spencer.  “But I am.”
“Is this a trick?” Philip asks, his hand was starting to shake from how firmly he was holding the gun. 
“No,” you say, shaking your head in unison with your words. You’re surprised at how calm you’re starting to feel. “No tricks. Just a trade. Let him go, and you can take me instead. Cut me open, take what you want. Just– just let him go,” you plead.  
Philip and his dad both nod slowly.
“Okay,” you say, slowly walking towards the unsubs, your hands raised in the air to show them you aren’t going to play any tricks.  
“What’re you doing?” Reid’s voice is high pitched and panicked. He’s looking frantically at you for answers 
But you ignore him.  
“Let him go,” you urge Gardiner. He nods, and his father uses the fist full of Reid’s hair he still had a hold of to hoist him up on his feet. 
Reid stands, but his eyes remain trained on you. “Y/N, stop– what’re you doing?”
Gardiner grabs a hold of your vest when you’re close enough, tugging you into his embrace. He bars his arm around your neck and plants the gun on your temple. “Go–” he orders Reid.   
Spencer’s stumbling towards the door. “No, no, no–” he stutters. 
“Go, or I’ll shoot her right here,” Gardiner orders. You feel the hard, cold barrel of the gun press deeper into the tissue of your temple, but you still don’t shake. Spencer is going to be safe, you think. That’s all that mattered.  
Reid’s eyes are wide and watery. He’s looking at you wildly, like his genius brain can’t comprehend anything that’s happening.   
But you nod towards him reassuringly. “Spencer, it’s okay,” you tell him, surprised, yet again, by how calm you feel. “Go, it’s okay.” 
It was an easy choice sacrificing yourself for Spencer. The concept of death was scary, but the idea of losing Spencer? That was just unbearable. Plus, there’s no doubt that he’s infinitely more valuable to the team than you are. You know they’d mourn your loss. But they’d get over it, you were replaceable with any other agent. But Spencer? That would leave a wound no other profiler could fill. 
You catch one last glimpse of Spencer before Joseph Gardiner's dad escorts him outside of the house. As the door shuts, ensuring Reid is safe, you’re finally able to exhale the breath of air you’ve been holding in. Spencer is going to be okay.  
“Come with me,” Gardiner orders gruffly. He grabs you by your elbow and drags you towards the back of the house. You stumble on your feet, trying to keep up with his pace. Gardiner leads you all the way through the hallway, around a corner, and through the sliding back door. The exit leads to a deck on the back of the house. It looks old, with chipped red paint and clutter scattered all around it.  
You make your way across it and down a few stairs. When your feet hit the ground, they squish from impact on the wet grass beneath them. Gardiner leads you just a few feet forward. Attached to the back of his house is a cellar door. He undoes the latch before hoisting it open, revealing a pitch black basement. 
“Get in,” he orders, pointing the gun right between your shoulder blades.  
You hesitate briefly, which proves to be a costly mistake. Gardiner hoists the pistol back and rams it into the side of your head. Your entire body whips forward and you stumble on your feet.  “I said get in!” he screams. 
As you feel the blood already trickling down your temple, you nod.  
Taking one step forward, you begin descending into Philip Gardiner’s basement.  
The first thing you do when you’re fully inside is gasp at the smell. It ensnares all of your senses, completely overwhelming you. The back of your hand pressed against your nose does little to mask it.  
Gardiner climbs into the basement after you and turns on a light, illuminating the horror scene in front of you. There are surgical tools and blades on a metal tray wheeled next to a bed with restraints. The bed has dark, crimson blood still on it.  
You’ve walked into horror scenes, much like this one, a countless number of times. But now that you knew this scene was set for you, it sent unsettling shivers down your spine. Better you than Spencer, you remind yourself. The thought makes you instantly feel calmer.  
Gardiner grabs a pair of zip ties on top of the shelf and throws them towards you. “Put them on,” he orders. You nod, and quickly obey him, your head still throbbing from the last time you hesitated. 
Now that you’re restrained, Philip steadily works to set up equipment by placing a wide variety of tools on the metal tray. You realize that he was getting ready to kill you.  
Despite the obvious fear running through your veins, your mind slowly begins to wander to Spencer. The look on his face when Joseph hauled him out of the room, away from you, is burned into your mind. The hurt, the fear, and the confusion all on full display. But he is safe now, and that is all that mattered. 
You wonder if Spencer would figure out why you took his place tonight. You wonder if he’d realize that it wasn’t even an option for you not to, that you had no other choice. You wonder if he knew you couldn’t live without him, or would ever want to.
Philip Gardiner continues stalking around the room. The knives laid out on display make you nauseous. You combat it by taking slow, deep breaths, all while repeating the mantra in your head; he was safe. 
Except suddenly, your mantra is interrupted when the latch to the cellar door bursts open with a bang. Two tall, muscular figures descend down the stairs and into the cellar, their guns drawn.  
“Drop it,” Luke orders sternly, he’s moving in towards Gardiner with a look of pure hatred on his face. Philip raises his hand above his head, the scalpel still clutched tightly in his grasp. But Luke is quick to disarm him before grabbing a pair of handcuffs and clicking them around Gardiner’s wrists.   
Matt, meanwhile, attends to you. He uses his knife to break through the zip ties that have managed to almost cut all the circulation off from your wrists.  
“Let me see,” he says softly, tending to the cut on your forehead. You only now realize that the blood oozing from it had mostly dried, caking itself to the side of your face.    
“I’m fine,” you grumble, trying to stand up. Luke drags Gardiner past you and Matt and up the stairs.  
“That doesn’t look fine,” Matt says. “You’re going to need stitches.”
“It’s not that bad,” you say, raising your hand to touch the wound. Despite your efforts, you wince at the contact. As you finally make it to your feet, you’re woozier than expected. You waiver slightly in place, your head spinning.   
“Easy,” he says, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.  
“Said ‘m fine,” you grumble again.  
Matt nods and adds sarcastically, “Whatever you say.”
He leads you out of the basement, his hand never leaving your shoulder. It’s not until you’re outside, in the cool night air, when you see an entire scene unfolding around you.  
All four of the black SUV’s are parked outside the Unsub’s house– yours with the driver’s side door still wide open from when you’d previously left it in a haste. There’s also an abundance of squad cars gathered, their lights flashing blues and reds, reflecting grimly in the dark. There’s two ambulances parked near the road, two medics rushing frantically towards you.   
“Where’s Reid?” you ask Matt, your eyes searching the crowd for him. 
“Medic’s checking him out right now. He’s okay though.”
You sigh a breath of relief, exhaling tension that you didn’t even realize was still inside of you.  That’s all that mattered. You can handle everything else. 
At least that’s what you thought. You groan when you see Emily jogging over, her vest still strapped on.  
After disobeying her direct orders, you immediately know you were in for it. 
“Matt, how is she?” she asks, refusing to actually look at you. 
“Banged up, possible concussion– I think she’ll need stitches.”
“I can hear you,” you say, wondering why the two of them were talking about you like you were unconscious, or not even present. 
“Get her to the medics,” Emily orders. “We’ll talk later,” she says, her dark eyes piercing yours. 
You nod slowly. You’d gone against her wishes and broken her trust. The adrenaline that had previously been rushing through your body prevented you from originally seeing that. But the rush is starting to fade, and in its wake left a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. You never meant to cross Emily. You had only wanted to save Reid. She had to understand that, right?  
Either way, you made a choice, and now you’d pay the consequences. But it was an easy choice. One that you would make over and over again. Because you’d always choose Spencer, no matter what.  
Matt only lets you go when the medics reach you. They lead you the rest of the way to the ambulance, where you sit on the edge of the back door. The EMT wraps a coarse blanket around your shoulders before starting an exam. He shines lights in your eyes, asks you repetitive questions, and checks your wound. After a while, you zone it all out.  
Until you see him. 
He’s walking past the second ambulance with his hands stuffed in his pants pockets. He has a small bandage placed just above his left eyebrow. You gaze at Spencer, checking him over. He looks okay, other than the bandage, he’s unharmed. You exhale another breath of relief. When he locks eyes with you, you can’t help but smile.  
He keeps his gaze locked on yours, but he doesn’t smile back. Instead, his face remains stoic and serious, his eyes glaring with anger, before looking away. He turns on his feet and walks towards one of the black SUV’s, climbing into the front seat and snapping the door shut  Your smile quickly melts away. 
… 
On the plane ride home, you take a seat directly across from Spencer.  He’s got his nose already stuffed in a book. He doesn’t even glance up when you sit down.  
“Spencer,” you say, trying to get his attention.  
But he ignores you.  
“Reid,” you huff, quickly growing frustrated by his silence. 
Spencer snaps his book shut suddenly and stands up from his seat. Without so much as a single glance he strides across the jet and finds a seat next to Luke and Matt. He crosses one leg over the other and opens his book back up again, going back to his literature like nothing had just happened– like he hadn’t just ripped out your entire heart. 
You’re in the process of biting back tears when Emily replaces Reid’s seat directly across from you. You tuck your feet up on the seat and wrap your arms around yourself, trying to take up less space, or better yet, disappear altogether. 
For a moment, neither one of you speaks.  
After a few seconds, Emily sighs. “How’s your head?” she asks, breaking the silence.  
“It’s fine,” you mumble. That’s a plain lie. Your head throbs. But it’s nothing compared to the ache inside your chest.    
“You were out of line.” Emily states calmly.     
“I know,” you whisper, refusing to meet her gaze. 
“I gave you a direct order–”
“I know,” you repeat. 
“When I give you an order, I need to be able to trust that you’re going to follow it. If this team doesn’t have trust, this team doesn’t have anything.”
You nod, your cheeks flushing hot. She’s putting you on the spot, and speaking loud enough for the entire jet to hear. You deserve it though, you know you did. 
Emily lets out a sigh, her tone suddenly softening and her voice growing quiet.  “What were you thinking?” 
You bite your lip harshly, fighting to hold back the sob boiling in your chest. You wipe your cheeks feverishly before replying. “I was thinking better me than Spencer,” you whisper. “I’m replaceable. He’s not.”
Emily shakes her head.  “You are important to this team.”
You stare down at your lap, unable to truly hear the words Emily was saying. 
But she reaches across the gap and gathers your hands in hers. “Listen to me,” she says sternly. You finally gather up enough courage to look up. “You are important to this team.”  She repeats the words slower and enunciates them more. 
You slowly nod, letting them seep into your skin. You aren’t sure if you believed her, but it’s a start. 
“Okay,” you say. Slowly, you pull your hands away.  
“Do you want to tell me what else is bothering you?” she asks gently. 
You bite your lip harder. You aren’t sure if you can trust yourself to speak without crying.  
“I did it for him,” you finally say. “Because I wanted to keep him safe. But now he’s so angry at me.”
Emily scoffs at your statement, making you narrow your eyebrows in confusion at her.  
“Yeah, right,” she says, amusement dancing in her words. 
“He won’t even look at me,” you say quietly. “I mean– I get why you’re mad at me,” you admit. “I disobeyed your orders, I broke protocol– you could’ve gotten in trouble if anything had happened. But I don’t understand why he is too,” you admit, your voice breaking slightly. “I was just trying to do the right thing… And now he hates me for it.”
Emily shakes her head. “I may not know much, but what I do know is that Spencer Reid isn’t capable of hating you.”
Reid hurries off the jet before you’re able to talk to him, which is what you’d been planning since taking off in Seattle. You groan and wonder if maybe you should just give him space. Clearly that’s what he wants.  
But, when you’re back inside the BAU, cleaning out your desk. Just as you’re about to go home, you look up and see him in the briefing room. Through the glass, Spencer’s thin frame can be seen cleaning up some case files that were left on the table. His back is to you and suddenly, the idea of cornering him in there entered your mind. He has to hear you out, he has to understand why you did what you did.  
Before you can chicken out or change your mind, you hurry upstairs and hoist open the glass doors to the room. Spencer turns around, your sudden entrance jumping him. His face actually looks angrier when he realizes it’s you entering his space. 
“Spencer–” you say, your voice already cracking. You aren’t sure how you’re going to do this. 
“What?” he snaps back harshly, the first words he’s spoken to you since the event. His eyes are sunken and tired, his hair disheveled and messy– still you don’t think you’d ever seen someone so beautiful in your entire life.  
“What did I do?” you plead. 
“Are you kidding me?” he says in disbelief.  
“I just– I was trying to do the right thing,” you explain. 
But Reid cuts you off. “You completely disobeyed Emily’s orders,” he takes a step closer to you.  “You were reckless and selfish and stupid and–”
Your eyes widen. “Selfish?” 
“Yes, selfish!” he bellows, his hands raising in frustration. “You broke protocol. And willingly put yourself into the arms of an Unsub, just so that you could play the hero!”
“I was not trying to be a hero!” you start to raise your own voice in defense. 
But Spencer shakes his head. “Then why’d you do it?”
By now, you’re biting your lip so hard you can taste blood. The anger and frustration you’re feeling towards Spencer left a bad taste in your mouth. Why can’t he understand, why can’t you make him understand?
Did you have to spell it out?
“I did it because I couldn’t stand the idea of something bad happening to my team,” your voice is low. “Even if that meant something bad had to happen to me.”
Spencer stands still, his gaze never softening. After a few moments you speak again. “It worked, didn’t it? I don’t get why you’re so upset–”
In a rushed tone, he blurts out, “I’m upset because you put yourself in danger! I could have lost you!”
Spencer’s words take you back. And you find yourself speechless. Your face immediately softens as you try to absorb what he said, but you’re exhausted and concussed and honestly, don’t trust your own judgment at the moment. 
All you can manage to mutter out is a soft, “Oh.”
Spencer’s anger seems to slowly be melting into just plain sorrow. It hurts to see him looking like he’s in pain. 
“Why would you sacrifice yourself like that?” he asks, his voice is gentler now. 
“Because,” you whisper. It seems like you do have to spell it out for him. “Because that seemed more bearable than the idea of anything happening to you.” The words spilled out of you uncontrollably. You've kept your feelings a secret from Reid for so long, you’re afraid what would happen if you finally revealed them. “The truth is… I’m kind of in love with you. And I couldn’t live with myself if anything ever happened to you.”
At that, Spencer's mouth fell open slightly, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  
He takes another step forward, and in that moment, for the second time that evening, you wish you could disappear, just dissolve into nothingness, out of sight. You’re feeling so vulnerable, so exposed, you wish you could take the words back– just suck them right back into your mouth and keep them there, a secret forever. 
But Spencer speaks softly, interrupting your thoughts. “What?”
You shake your head. “Don’t make me say it again–”
“I love you too.”
You hear it– but you don’t believe it. Because it can’t be true. 
“Please,” you whisper, wondering if this was just some cruel joke. There is no way Spencer could love you back. “Don’t mess with me. I can’t take it, not from you.” 
Reid shakes his head. “I swear to you, I would never joke about something like this.” 
“Don’t–”
He takes another step forward and reaches his hand out, touching your cheek softly. His fingers graze your jaw line. “I am in love with you, and I have been for quite some time. Pretty much since the first day I met you. That’s why I was so angry today– imagine if I’d done that to you– taken your place in that house– forced you to leave me with that monster.”
Just the thought made your blood start to boil. The idea of Spencer actually loving you back was just over the horizon– the thought that maybe it’s true was within reach. 
You bite your lip nervously, the feeling of Reid’s thumb gliding across your skin sends shivers down your spine. “I don’t know if I can believe you,” you whisper. 
“Then I’ll just keep telling you,” Spencer says softly. “Until you do.”
928 notes · View notes
qqueenofhades · 2 months
Note
I'm not sure I understand what's happening (in a good way, lol). I got an email from ACLU that called Project 2025 'weird and obsessive policy'. Never seen progressives so united on a single style of insult
Listen. LISTEN. I am not only Deliberately Looking At Twitter (tm) today, I am willingly and eagerly doing so. I am refreshing it often. I am eager to see more. @silverbirching and I are sitting at our respective places of work just trading political memes back and forth on WhatsApp and laughing at JD Vance's absolutely can't-make-this-up-it's-so-bad failures. We have been so desperate not to talk about politics all year and we are now doing it, happily, all the time.
And that's because Twitter today is kind of incredible? People are just dunking on Republicans left and right. Republicans are dunking on other Republicans (Liz Cheney bodied JD Vance, to nobody's surprise). Republicans are trotting out tired old talking points/trite old stupid attacks and everyone, everyone, is just going "lol sure. Nice try, weirdo," and posting more pictures of Kamala's ginormous Wisconsin crowds and the even-more-ginormous Michigan rally that hasn't started yet but needed to be moved to an honest-to-god airport hangar since more than 50k people RSVP'd. People are gleefully savaging JD Vance for stalking Kamala at the airport and his sad little Eau Claire warehouse rally (and referencing Four Seasons Total Landscaping) at the same time there are 12k+ people at the Harris/Walz party. People are making Coach Walz jokes and Minnesota Dad memes. People are having fun.
I don't know what's going on. I genuinely don't, but there's just the tiniest possibility that we somehow fell back into the Good Timeline on July 21, and we can stay there if we do the right thing. And wow. Wow. Some of you younguns might not remember Obama's first campaign in 2008, but: It felt like this. And because of how short-notice and impossible this all has been, 2024 is even more incredible. So like. There's real, genuine hope for the first time in a while, and I don't know how, but good goddamn.
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gyusrose · 7 months
Text
➵ burning desire -> s.jy
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⚠︎ smut (mdni)
✎ pervert!jake x innocent reader, praising, dirty talk, bj, oblivious reader, masturbation, corruption kink, cursing.
summary: you never thought that the person you would ask to take your virginity would be your roommate’s best friend.
wc: 2.5k
(jake x fem.reader)
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“oh jake’s coming over by the way.” sunghoon, your roommate/ child hood friend said as he walked into the living room to where you were.
you weren’t surprised at this point. jake should just move in at this point from how much he comes over. even though he comes pretty much everyday, you’re still kinda awkward with him. you’ve probably had a total of three full conversations with him. sunghoon had many other friends yet jake is the only one who would come over.
“i’ll go get some groceries, since the fridge looks so sad, if he comes before me just tell him i’ll be back.” sunghoon said before grabbing his keys and leaving the loft.
great. it’s gonna be him and you alone. can you get any luckier ?
not even ten minutes passed after sunghoon left when you heard your doorbell echo throughout the house. knowing who it was, you took a deep sigh and opened the front door, revealing a messily-haired jake. he had on an oversized zip-up jacket with some baggy jeans. you’d never admit this out loud but he was very attractive. maybe that’s the reason you can’t seem to talk with him, you’ll just get too nervous around him.
jake smiled at your presence. he saw the absence of sunghoon’s car and was more than thrilled to be with you all alone.
truth be told, jake was actually obsessed with you. from the way you act, tell jokes, to the way you smell. he never missed an opportunity to be close to you. you were very oblivious to this. not noticing how some of your panties would go missing whenever he came over, or how he would blatantly stare at your ass anytime you bent down or just turned around in general. jake loved that. he wanted to ruin you.
you looked adorable today, with your skimpy baby blue shorts that barely covered your ass and a simple white tank top, ‘unfortunately with a bra on’ jake thought.
sunghoon’s better than him, cus’ he would’ve fucked you the moment you moved in.
“sunghoon went to get some groceries, he’ll be back shortly, come in.” you softly smiled, letting jake walk through the doorstep.
“how’s college going?” he asked you, sitting down on the brown couch.
“it’s going alright, just a lot of work.” you awkwardly giggled.
“have you gone to the parties?”
“erm..not really, i don’t really like that environment anyways. i prefer staying in my room.” you were now sitting on the sofa across from him.
that’s another thing jake loved about you. you were so well-behaved. from what he knows, because sunghoon has told him, you’ve never gotten wasted or anything, you were that type of girl, you’re always on top of your schoolwork, leading you to be a valedictorian in high school. you were probably even still a virgin.
“ i’ll be right back, i need to go take a quick shower.”
jake, being who he is, obviously took this opportunity for himself. sneakily opening your bathroom door an inch, enough to see you in it. although the fog stained on the glass shower didn’t let him see your bare body, the image was exotic. he could see your hands wander all across your wet body. the fact that he couldn’t see all of you turned him in even more.
it didn’t take long for him to coming your bedroom (which he knows like the back of his hand) and engulf himself into the comfort of your bed. gosh he loved your scent so fucking much. he knew he didn’t have much time so he lowered his jeans along with his boxers and wrapped his hand around his cock.
his breath got louder along with his moans, hoping you wouldn’t hear him. he accelerated his hand motion, closing his eyes imagining you. pictures of you in the shower showing in his mind, wanting to fuck you against that wet wall. it didn’t take long for his cum to spurt out over his bare stomach along with his hand.
he quickly got dressed properly and wiped his hands, trying to leave your room as soon as possible, not before going into your cabinet where you keep your panties, grabbing a new pair since the ones he had at home were used and dirty from his juices. he shoved it in his pocket trying to run out, but before he knew it he heard the door click open.
naturally his brain got into fight or flight, looking for the nearest place to hide in, running to your closet.
you walked into your room, nothing but a towel wrapped around your wet body. jake didn’t fully close the closet door, this allowed him to see you. he hoped you wouldn’t come into the closet, knowing how embarrassing and overall weird it would be to find your friend’s friend in your bathroom hiding.
jake’s prayers were answered as you already had the clothes you were going to put on neatly folded on top of your nightstand. while grabbing your clothes, you noticed how awfully disorganized your bed was. did you leave it like this ? almost like a figure was there.
you brushed it off and got to changing. you let go of your towel letting it drop to the floor. jake was in heaven. his breath hitched, almost gasping out loud at what he was seeing. he put a hand over his mouth to get himself caught. you were perfect.
you clipped a bra around your perfectly sat tits, just like jake imagined them, fuck he could feel himself getting hard again. he’s about to burst out the door and have you bouncing on his dick.
you then opened your the drawer were you would keep all your panties and grabbed a pair, you’ve noticed how you haven’t seen some of your panties in a long time. like the one with the pink bows? gone. the baby blue ones? gone. the dark red ones? gone. and it’s always your favourites too.
you quickly put it on, remembering that jake is downstairs and you don’t want him to be alone for long and become bored.
jake was enjoying the show. you don’t know you’re being watched yet the way you’re putting in your clothes is so seductive. or maybe jake’s just horny.
you soon finish and grab the towel to put it back into the bathroom, leaving your room.
jake knew this was his only chance and sprinted to the living room. trying to not make noise as well. in the span of fifteen seconds he was downstairs, seated. exactly ten seconds later, he heard a front door opening revealing sunghoon. he always gets away with it
>>
“ _______ are you going to live like this for the rest of your life? “ your friend, giselle, said. she would not die before she gets you to attend those goofy frat parties.
“i’m happy like this gis, i don’t want to be around sweaty drunk people, sorry.” as much as you loved giselle, the two of you were the complete opposite.
“just for like an hour or so, so you can live it. you’ll regret not having fun once you grow old!”
although you did not want to go an inch, you give a thought to what she said. she could be right. you’ll feel out of place for sure, but maybe it’s not as bad as you think?
“i guesssssss….” you quietly said but giselle heard you loud and clear, jumping in excitement as if she just won the lottery.
“alright alright let’s calm down.”
“you pulling up to yeonjun’s party tonight?” sunghoon asked jake while they played on the gaming console.
“erm i’m not sure, I’ve got schoolwork to do.”
“jake sim missing a party? that’s some i thought ill never hear.” jake rolled his eyes at his comment.
“literally everyone is going though, even _______.”
jake’s mind lit up. you were going? what in the world made you go? suddenly jake’s dying to go too.
“she is? i thought she hated those things..”
“i thought so too, but supposedly her friend begged her to go and she wants to try it out.”
of course giselle was behind this. jake knew the two of you were inseparable, and she wasn’t the best influence either.
“i’ll see if i go..” jake said before shifting the conversation to another topic.
>>
“isn’t this too much?” you asked looking at yourself in the mirror. the dress, to anyone else, looked completely normal for a party, yet for you, it was way too open and revealing, specially in the chest area. ( it’s just a v-neck)
“you think this is too much? please. it’s not even short short, besides your boobs look great.” you don’t get it. what makes them so great?
“alright let’s go now, before they finish all the booze.” giselle dragged you outside, getting into her car.
jake was starting to believe you simply weren’t coming. you wouldn’t. you’d hate it here.
his mind stopped talking when he saw you. that wasn’t you. who took over you? you looked very unlike yourself. a skimpy dress that barely covered your body. who the hell ? he could not get hard in the middle of a party surrounded by his friends, so he looked away, trying to ignore you as hard as it was.
“wait _____ you’re a virgin?!” one of giselle’s friends, karina, exclaimed after she asked you why you looked so tense.
“is that that obvious?” you’ve never bothered thinking about losing your virginity. it honestly seemed painful that one time you had to write an essay about sexual reproduction sophomore year of high school, so you never went back to it. you don’t have the time for any of that nonsense.
“holy shit you’re the first person in college i’ve met that’s still a virgin! “
you don’t get what’s so surprising. you’re still young anyway. either way, you barely know how to satisfy someone or even yourself.
“wait have you even masturbated?” you shook your head no. the gasps that fell from the table y’all were sitting at could be heard all over the frat house.
“shut up you’re joking, actually?”
“girl what do you do for fun?”
“you need to get laid so you can feel how good it is i swear.”
you quickly dismissed her other friend, ningning’s request. you were too nervous to even go up to a man, how the heck could you just do it with him?
“this room is drowning with fine men, and you’re hot, simple hook.” her other friend said, chaewon. damn giselle’s more popular than you thought.
“i really don’t know anyone here, it’ll be too awkward..” you scratched your neck. this just made you realize how disconnected socially you were. you only knew sunghoon and jake out of the thousand people here.
“wait her roommate is sunghoon right giselle?” giselle nodded at kazuha’s question.
“wait sunghoon? ew no. i’ve known him forever we’re like siblings!” kazuha chuckled.
“no not him! but his bestie, jake. he’s been glancing at our table since we got here. you know him?”
jake? you never thought of him that way. sure he was handsome and very honestly your type of guy, but would he really? from what you know, he's not that type of guy. sunghoon described him as the "purest" of his friend group. (girl if only you knew..)
“he’s cute, and kazuha’s right, he keeps staring at you.” giselle adds on.
jake couldn’t enjoy himself. knowing you’re here somehow affects him more than he thought it would. he should’ve stayed playing on his playstation.
while the rest of his friends went on to dance with their girlfriends, jake stood there seated on the stool. glancing your direction every now and then, hoping to god you wouldn’t catch him. he was so lost in his head that he didn’t even notice someone standing next to him.
almost as if you could read his mind, there you were. standing, arms crossed, bitting your lip nervously. like you had something to tell him.
you’ve never flirted with anyone before, you’re just going to ‘wing it’ like chaewon said.
“______? i thought you didn’t like this environment.” he started the conversation, quoting what you said to him a couple of days ago when he visited.
you laughed nervously. “ha, yea, still do but i guess i just wanted to try it out for once.” jake could tell something’s up. normally you wouldn’t be so nervous talking to him. or maybe he just looks real fine tonight.
to ease up the tension, jake led the conversation pretty smoothly. mostly asking you about school and such. thankfully, you looked more relaxed a couple of minutes into the conversation, he really is a great talker, you thought.
somehow the topic tumbled over boyfriends and girlfriends. you don’t know how.
“seriously? i don’t believe you!” jake said as you told him your very empty love life. jake already knew this obviously, he just pretended to not know so you wouldn’t be weirded out.
“have you?” you asked. jake nodded. “ like three in high school but none during college, just hook-ups i guess.” your eyes widened, not expecting that last part. this is what sunghoon thinks of as ‘pure’ ?
“what is that surprising?” jake chuckled after seeing your reaction. you waved him off denying it, but it was actually shocking.
“sorry, i didn’t mean to react like that.”
“it’s cool don’t worry. i’m guessing you don’t do those kind of things.” your cheeks were tinted red. the way he was staring at you at that moment did something inside you that you’ve never felt before.
“uh, no never actually.” jake just smirked at your response, now catching up on why you came up to him so nervous.
jake never thought this day would actually come. he had you asking him to “show him how to do it.”
and there he was, showing you. you were on your knees in front of him, looking up at him with those cute doe eyes of yours.
“just stroke it baby , up and down, slowly.” you were almost scared of screwing it up. your hand can barely wrap around his dick completely. jake had to hold himself together, he could cum right now.
“fuck yeah just like that baby, now faster.” you do as told, noticing how lubricated he’s become. you were engrossed at his reactions. he was groaning and moaning with every stroke you gave.
“open your mouth baby, i wanna feel it.” mouth?
“my mouth? do i just suck it? or ?”
“just open it baby.” you soon opened your mouth while he gathered your hair into a ponytail in his hands. pushing himself in as much as he could.
you did what your intuition told you to and began sucking it and licking it, catching jake by surprise.
“shit princess. stepping ahead i see.” his head thrown back, this might be the best head he’s ever gotten.
the image of the way your small mouth wrapped around his cock drove him insane.
jake started moving his hips up into your mouth, making you gag. although you pretty much couldn’t breath properly. you…liked it? you did not want to let go of him.
“fuck baby, stop i can’t cum so fast, i need to fuck you.” he said pushing you off of his dick, laying you down on his bed, bare right in front of him.
your heart started to speed up, was this actually about to happen?
“relax baby, i promise ill try to make it as enjoyable as possible. trust me.” he said kissing your plump lips.
jake looked calm and cool on the outside but was he panicking on the inside. like he said before, he can’t believe the day finally came.
his hands rummaged through your body, fuck it was literally perfect. just like the last time he saw it.
his fingers found your pussy, rubbing your clit, catching you by surprise. you’ve never had this sort of sensation before. as he kept teasing your heat and sucking your clit, you get what the girls were talking about.
“oh my- “ you could barely speak as jake was too fixated in your pussy. your fingers entangled between his locks, you’ve really been missing out.
jake pulled away, earning a whine form the loss of contact, but then you saw him grab a condom and roll on to him.
you took a deep breath as he lined himself up in your entrance.
“it’s going to hurt a little at first baby, it’s normal, just relax okay?” you nodded and kissed him before he entered inch by inch.
jake in reality wanted to pound into you. seeing your expressions with his cock inside of you isn’t helping.
it hurt more than a ‘little’ , you had to admit. as he fully entered you, jake groped your breast, kissing them, leaving hickeys all over them. knowing that no other man has been able to do this to you made him moan. you’re all his.
“you can move..” you said getting the green light to start to thrust.
soon the pain you felt in the beginning, vanished as you suddenly wanted him to go faster and faster.
“oh fuck right there!” this was the first time jake heard you curse and fuck was it hot.
“yea baby? want me to go faster? you love this cock that much already hm?” you nodded desperately.
jake was over the moon, this was so much better than what he imagined. you were like an actual goddess, he was the lucky one.
jake, wanting to go deeper, grabbed your thighs and put them over his shoulders, leaning down.
you felt like you were in another world. you had no idea you could feel this amount of pleasure ever. you were almost crying from the level of ecstasy.
“i f-feel something, i think i’m going to come…” you said, unsure of what the feeling was.
“shit baby me too, cum all over my dick like the good girl you are.” your legs trembled as you felt some sort of relief wash over your body. both jake and you moaned as your climaxes reach over.
pulling out and dispensing his condom, jake laid next to you, grabbing your waist.
“so…what do you think?” he said caressing your cheek. you looked at him in awe.
“should’ve done that a long time ago.”
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