#when I see these pics I think it would be weird if Ian was a bottom and Mickey top

[smiley-milkovich]

Melting

[zagreus-eats-your-bread]

rank every dr who on how likely they are to eat rocks

Hm which number should I go by? Let's go from least to most. I'll rank the TV Doctors and then reblog to give you general opinions on the others.

16th place - 3rd Doctor

You may disagree with this because his scientific mind might conceive of a situation where eating rocks could possibly be an option. However Liz would hit him on the nose with a newspaper like a dog if he got anywhere near her rocks. She would at length scold him and tell him that most rocks are bad for you and you shouldn't eat them.

15th place - War Doctor

He would definitely eat rocks but not for pleasure. When you are stranded on a planet because of woke war you may have to eat some rocks. But he would hate it the whole time.

14th place - 9th Doctor

Similar to War Doctor but you know what he kinda sees it. He kinda gets the appeal. I think he ate one (1) rock during his life and Rose was like Why and he was just nodding to himself like "Yeah this has a certain something".

13th place - 12th Doctor

He would eat some rocks on occaission but it would be like his guilty pleasure and he would hide it from Clara.

12th place - 7th Doctor

If there was ever a way he could incorporate eating some rocks into one of his 5D chess plans he would do it. Afterwards Ace would give him the side eye and be like "Professor this could have all worked out without you eating any of those rocks" and he would boop her on the nose and say nothing.

11th place - 6th Doctor

He would NOT eat rocks you are being RIDICULOUS. And then he finds a new rock on some planet and it smells so good and then he would take a nibble and get absolutely addicted to eating them. He would spend the next 40 years always having pebbles in his pocket to snack on and all regenerations after him would lowkey barf when someone offered them one of those rocks because of how much he used to eat them.

10th place - 13.5th Doctor

He would eat rocks just to fuck with Yaz and be quirky but his heart wouldn't be in it.

9th place - 10th Doctor

Someone would offer him something suspiciously rock shaped and he would eat it and be like "This is amazing, what is it?" and they would be like it's a rock and 10 would be like huh.

8th place - 14th Doctor

Same as above but he knows now he likes the taste of rocks. However his recent experiences made him less privy to them. He had too many.

7th place - 2nd Doctor

He would eat rocks in a heartbeat but he doesn't really like them. Like he will do it but his heart doesn't yearn for rocks. He would just do it to be silly and/or make people think hes not a threat and just some weird guy who eats rocks.

6th place - 5th Doctor

Sometimes he will pick up a rock and say what type of rock it is and eat it. And then Nyssa has to hold Tegan back lest she hit him.

5th place - 1st Doctor

Ian sees him eat a rock and is dumbfounded. He asks "Doctor, what are you doing?" and the Doctor will try to gaslight him into thinking HE is the weird one for thinking that him eating a rock is strange. And then he would laugh his old man laugh. He also sometimes eats rock flavoured food cubes from the food machine. Just cause.

4th place - 15th Doctor

He would see a rock, pick it up, laugh and jump with joy and enthusiastically ask Ruby "Do you know what this is?" and she would be like "Uh-" and he would cut her off to say "This is a rock!" and eat it.

3rd place - 8th/11th Doctor

They would both eat rocks and others who see them would be like "Yeah ok checks out". Like no one is surprised they just accept it.

(Both pics = them when they see an uneaten rock)

2nd place - 4th Doctor

Those teeth were made for rock chompin'. If 4 had to defeat an alien monster made of rock he would just eat it, and no matter which companion would be there to witness it they would all be changed forever. He would just carry on like it didn't happen.

1st place - 13th Doctor

She will see a rock and be like "is anyone gonna eat this" and not wait for an answer.

[babybluebex]

ok this is 100% @sessalover's fault bc jemima posted a blurb ab jealous dom a while back and it got me... thinking...

so like imagine being The Girl on set of the holdovers, like your character is a holdover like the guys but ends up staying alone with angus (hmm sounds a lot like venus 👀), and like i learned that they filmed pretty chronologically (like had the bulk of the cast on set at the start of the shoot, so they shot the beginning and ending first and then went back and flimed the trio's scenes later, so they wouldn't have to call The Boys back to set), so towards the beginning, you're hanging out with all the guys, michael and brady and ian and jim and of course dom, being friends, having movie nights and stuff, and seeing pics of the cast going out to dinner got me Thinking

like sitting across from dom at the table at this restaurant or wherever yall are, next to michael and you're laughing with him about something, and unbeknownst to you, dom is GREEN with jealousy because of OF COURSE it's blond hair blue eye older taller stronger MICHAEL making you laugh, and his thoughts trail off to what it would be like if you were his girlfriend, how he would be making you laugh and other such things

and you ask dom a question and look at him, and he's just staring off into space, and his eyes happen to be trained right on where your boobs are, and you're certain he's not eyeing you up, he's more polite than that, and you sorta snap your fingers "dominic. hey, earth to asses over there. you falling asleep on us?"

and he comes back to your planet, and he clears his throat, shooing whatever he was thinking about, and he's like "you slouch" and you're sorta like taken aback? a little wounded? but you just say "thanks, so do you, so mike and i were wondering…" and go on with what you were asking him

but then you're all departing the restaurant afterwards, and you had ridden there with dom because his trailer is directly next to yours, and you get in his passenger seat and you're like "you wanna explain what that was?" and he's like "what what was?" as he's fiddling with the heater "you staring at my tits and then telling me i sit weird" and he shrugs "i dunno, i just… noticed it. i bet your neck and shoulders hurt at night because you slouch so bad" and you're like "what's your fuckin problem man?? if you've got beef with me, just tell me, you don't have to insult me like that"

and he nearly steps all over your words with his own "are you and michael a thing?" "are we…" and you're SO taken aback "n-no, we're not, what makes you think—" "are you fucking, then?" and he spits it out "cuz you don't have to be a thing to be fucking" "jesus christ, i didn't think you were such a puritan" you grumble "for your information, no, we're not. mike's got a girlfriend back in california" "and why do you call him mike?" he asks quickly "because michael is a mouthful to say every time" you say "and i give all my friends nicknames, it's not just him. i call you asses" "everyone calls me asses, it's my goddamn name. but i don't understand what you see in him—" "i don't see shit in him—" "—when i'm right in front of you."

and you're stunned silent, like "oh." "i bet you never even thought about me" dom mumbles bitterly "nobody ever does" "dominic, please" you sigh "i don't have a crush on mik… michael. he's just a friend, that's all" "the same way i'm just a friend?" dom asks "ok, you're being mean now" you mumble "how?" and you look at him and he looks so sad, he's not angry, he's just upset "i just... i don't know, i thought... i'm always used to being overlooked. and i like you, and i thought you liked me, but then seeing you do all that, it just felt like more of the same..."

"god" you whisper "i'm sorry, dom" he sniffs, trying to act as unaffected as possible, and he throws the car into drive "like i said. more of the same" "well, wait a second, i never said it was" you retort "i said i don't like michael, i never said anything about you" "so?" dom asks, pausing at the red light to leave the restaurant parking lot, michael's truck idling behind you, and you catch mike and brady laughing in the rearview mirror

and you briefly wonder if they can see you two, but you don't think about it for too long before you lean over the middle console and press your lips to dom's, just for a brief moment, and when you pull away, his eyes are all wide and he doesn't have anything to say

"so" you repeat with a shrug

and he sits there for a moment, looking at you, and you hope that the look in his eyes is adoration and not what the fuck was that, and you watch the light turn green in front of you and you sorta mumble "s'green..."

and he seems to come back to his body and drive, and the first thing he can manage to say is "... do you always taste like strawberries?" and you scoff and roll your eyes "it's my lip balm" "...tastes good..." and you clock his voice in an instant, airy and floaty and shit, and you look at him and he's got a dopey smile on his face "i like it" "fuck, man, you're acting like that was your first kiss" you laugh "not my first" dom shakes his head "but our first" "i gotta warn you that i'm lactose intolerant" you tell him "if you're gonna be this cheesy always, you gotta tell me so i can prepare for that" "sure" dom says "so... i guess... umm... there's gonna be more of those?" "if you want there to be" you say, and you giggle when dom nods enthusiastically "yes please"

like idk alexa play "ode to a conversation stuck in your throat" by del water gap <3

[3rddimension]

I still stand with my stance that Shoot Dood, should return to its rightful place on the Smoshcast (Smoshmouth). That being said, I enjoyed the new endcap they tried with Smart Mouth.

If Shoot Dood does return, I think it would be a sweet as hell way of announcing their relationship publicly. I think Department of Weird Sounds wrote this into a couple of their fics, it is so adorable🥰

Just imagine it, Courtney doesn't even have to be the guest, they could just read it off and have Courtney pop in or shout something from off camera in return.

In a dream scenario, I would have them do it like a radio show call in segment. Shayne goes into character like "ok caller you're live on Smoshmouth, SHOOT DOOD!"

Than you have Courtney start talking bout their mysterious relationship. They finish by saying, the main problem is they want to be more open about it on socials and such but are afraid of letting the cat out of the bag.

This is where Shayne drops the gimmick and starts talking openly about how he once was more guarded about these kinds of things. How he used to be tight lipped about sharing any private info regarding his dating life. He finishes by saying...

"but, that all changed when I met you Courtney"...

Selfishly, I would have no guest on, just Amand and Shayne, like that check in episode they did before. So this leaves an empty seat for Courtney to potentially pop in and stay for a while. Also I wouldn't have either of them tell Amanda so we could see her suprised look, think back to her finding out about FNAF🤭

Ok, sorry needed to do some setup, back to Shayne. He continues by saying,"I always thought I was bad at dating, because of how awkward I am or was. Hell we even had a show dedicated just for me to express that!"

"But, when I met you, I knew there was something special. I couldn't put my finger on it. Yet deep down, I knew I had just met one of my best friends in the whole world. Sorry Damien, if you're listening, your my male best friend" 😂

He continues,"We've been through so much together"👇

° The Defy shutdown/ Mythical purchase

° My Suprise graduation😏

° COVID

° Ian and Anthony buying back Smosh!

° The day you said... yes

This is where you can hear a muffled, teary eyed Courtney say, "Shayne? Are you sure?

He continues without hesitation👇

"Courtney I've never been more certain of anything in my life. That moment melted away any hesitation I had before.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been and I don't care who knows it!"

After hearing this, it brings a chorus of giddy chuckles from Amnda and Courtney. They both couldn't believe how open Shayne just was, but now there was no going back!

Courtney still a little caught off guard, but beaming with happiness says, "Wow Shania, I didn't think you'd go that far my guy, I thought you'd maybe ease into it?"

"Well guys you heard it here first! The will they won't they of Smosh is engaged!"

At this point the episode is running a little over and they have to wrap things up. But, before they go, both Shayne and Courtney acknowledge the fact that they are now public, but remind us fans that this doesn't mean they're going to smother us with coupley pics and the like. It just means that from time to time you'll see more couple esque pics on ig and maybe a slight dynamic shift in videos given their new status.

Before the day is over on Courtney's ig we get to see an up close pic of that mysterious ring. We finally get to see it the way it was intended, while it is being slightly cupped by Shayne's hand.

With a caption that reads...

After so long of trying to hide this, either by switching it to different fingers or by switching hands, I'm glad I can finally have it where I want it.

Thanks guys for being so supportive about all this, it means the world to us! Even if it means Shayne is now going to post nonstop photos of Bones, oh great here's one now!

Shayne posts a photo of himself, Bones, and Birdie with Courtney slightly in the background head turned, with a caption that reads...

First family portrait! ❤ to the moon and back babe!

TLDR - Sorry this was so long, I kind of got carried away! Maybe I can write fics, maybe oneshots is my jam? Who knows?

Morale of the story, bring back SHOOT DOODS!

✌

WOW. I think with some brushing up and grammar fixing then it would be finished as a oneshot tbh. Thanks for sharing! I would dieeeee if we got any picture of them with their cats. I can't wait until the day we get that in the future!

[pantherinaeee]

trust the mirror, not the cameras - megathread part 2

in r/infp i posted some screenshorts from videos, saying that i look better in screenshots than in selfies. here are the coments...

YYY

I'm gonna try this too. I believe I look absolutely horrid in selfies and pictures. But in the mirror, I love my face structure and features; but I don't know for certain what people see, so it makes me feel insecure lol.

I think it might be the lighting on your pics that makes you feel that way, because I think you look the same. But honestly you look extremely attractive and cool in all of them. And that's something I very rarely say or admit to anyone.

PANTHERINAEEE

omg, thank you so much!! 🥹😭

All the images I posted are screenshots; I haven't posted any comparison selfies, haha. But I was really touched by your compliment. 🥹

And I have an answer to your question - actually, it's a long thread. I talked more deeply about this with someone else here in the comments if you'd like to read. [part 1]

Basically, cellphone lenses cause VERY high distortion to our faces, so never trust selfies; what you see in the mirror is what matters!

To give you an idea, a lens that doesn't distort your face much would have to be 2 - 5 meters away from you. So just imagine how round (like a fish eye) your cellphone camera needs to be to frame you from such a close distance.

Moreover, cellphones have a resolution capable of processing more information than our eyes/brain. Often, you can see lines of expression in the camera that you can't see with the naked eye.

So, don't feel bad if you don't look good in photos; you are beautiful just as you see yourself in the mirror! 💕

To get a sense of this, ask someone to take a serious front-facing photo of your face with the 1x lens on your cellphone, then ask them to step back and take a photo with the 3x lens. You'll see how absurdly different it looks!

Finally, I think I look better in videos because I have natural expressions. When someone takes a photo of me, I automatically tense my facial muscles unintentionally. Our expressions and how we communicate say A LOT about our image, even influencing our features. My mom took a visagism course, and this was a major point of attention when analyzing someone's facial characteristics!

YYY

Oh, I thought the comparison photos were mixed in lol. I was looking at them and thinking, "hmm... yeah I don't see a difference." [striked to focus on the central subject] You're welcome on the compliment. I almost never compliment strangers. Not to be weird, but I truly rarely see an actual beautiful woman in general out in public or even on social media lol. And I would see a lot when I'm out in public. Most women, I don't really see any "highlighting" features about them, and dont see anything that draws my attention(not saying their ugly). If at most, only maybe 1 or 2 max highting features, but thats rare. But I see about 5 highlighting features on you. Your thick eyebrows, your eyes, high cheek bones, your nose shape, and lips. Just, wow. Then also your hair color and style looks awesome. And youre also an INFP personality type just the same as the most interestesting celebrities; Johnny Depp, Robert Smith(The Cure), Morrissey, Heath Ledger, Ian Curtis(Joy Division), Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, John Lennon, Edger Allen Poe, Björk, etc. Like really, who's cooler than these INFP celebrites? Lol We have the coolest personality type. So you have both the looks AND the personality. You look like you were crafted by Tim Burton. If you have any insecurities about your looks would be the same if like Ian Somerhalder/Damon Salvatore from The Vampires Diaries Season 1 had insecurities about his appearance and style. I would truly be surprised if you were in slightest bit insecure about your appearance.

Ok. Also, Thank you for the compliment. It really did make me feel better and in a way, made me feel a little validated haha.

It was a lot of very interesting information you've shared. My knowledge on photos and the drastic effects in has if not taken from the right distance and lens was almost nonexistent. I thought all cameras were just bad and avoided them haha. But this definitely sheds new light and aspires me more to start post myself on social media. For the longest time, I almost never posted a picture of myself on any social media at all (maybe only twice) because of how insecure I felt in photos. Of course I would never tell anyone my insecurities lol, but when I posted my photo online somewhere I would get compliments and women would be a lot nicer to me, and that would confuse me severely and made me question their motives haha.

I think I know what you mean about the facial expressions and how even tensing the muscles a little can alter a person's appearance. There was this colleague I used to see regularly. I noticed this person with an extremely blank relaxed facial expression would always stare directly at me and "follow" when I would walk by in the vicinity. This went on for months and this person's face was always the same impassive expression. I thought it would be funny to walk up to this person with the same expression and just tell a dry joke in a bored tone and see if I can make them laugh lol. I saw them one day, and I walkled directly towards them with the same facial expression and they were just staring at me all bored walking up to them. I told my joke and we would stare in each other's eyes with a blank relaxed expression and once they understood the joke I told; I saw their eyes, face, and neck area tense up a little for a second before turning their head to audibly laugh quietly and hide their face. But in that one second moment, their face looked drastically different. It was at that time I learned how "telling" micro facial expressions can be. And I've been getting okay at reading them haha.

But thank you very much for all of the information you've shared. I'm now interested in experiementing with camera lens and distance. I feel I might even be open to posting myself online now. I might even pick up photography.

PANTHERINAEEE

(...) [removed to focus on the central subject]

About the lenses, it’s not just a matter of distance. I mentioned this because cell phone lenses are 24mm (the iPhone 15 Pro Max has lenses of 24mm, 28mm, and 35mm) and the lenses that cause the least distortion range from 50-80mm, with 80mm being the most accurate. As these lenses have a smaller field of view, meaning they zoom in on the image, to take a portrait, you need to stand far from the camera.

Despite this, even the 24mm lens takes better photos when we move away from the camera! And we can also take photos with the 35mm lens. The 35mm lens makes our faces look rounder haha, but I think it’s much better than the 24mm.

Message me in the DM, and I’ll send you comparisons!

SHORT YOUTUBE VIDEO

LONG YOUTUBE VIDEO

[all-the-tyler-talk]

lmao i can’t believe Ian posted that video with RM talking in the background. almost didn’t recognize her voice, her accent is almost gone.//I don’t think that was RM. She called for Ian than said hi baby. Why call Ian if she was just going to say hi to Tyler, especially when Tyler was waving prior to her calling Ian. But whoever that was, was very whiney and eye roll cringe. Also if that was from a few days prior, no one had spotted Renee in any of the vids/pics of the motorbike ride, followed by that same cliff excursion

I don't think Ian was with any of the women on that boat, so it would be weird for one of them to call him baby. The video was taken over the side of the boat, not during any of the excursions they went on without her, you can see the railing of the boat at the end of the video.

[unbridgeabledistances]

hi!!!!💘 here have another “ian processing things” ficlet inspired by this post i saw today by zo @grabmyboner <3

(contrary to zo’s amazing post, ian does not have a new instagram in this to fuel the slight angst🤕)

--

He was having a weirdly good morning when it happened— it was Sunday, and he and Mickey had woken up late tucked together in a warm cocoon under the sheets, legs tangled and bodies pressed close, with Mickey breathing out huffy, just-waking-up breaths into Ian’s neck that tickled his skin until Ian had rolled onto his side and playfully shoved him away.

They’d laid under the sheets for what felt like hours, lazily scrolling on their phones, with Mickey letting out puffs of air through his nostrils in a silent chuckle every time a particularly outdated and stupid meme came across his Instagram Explore page— and of course Ian had to combat Mickey’s intense glee at holding up dumb Instagram memes too close to Ian’s sleep-bleary eyes by clicking open his own phone and thumbing over to the pink and orange app on his home page, to try and find some other stupid shit that would make his groggy half-asleep husband laugh.

It was then, when he opened the app and passively flicked over to his notifications, when he saw the memory:

See your post from 6 years ago today.

Before Ian even clicked on the thumbnail of the picture, before he touched the pad of his finger to the blurred, too-small image beside the words bolded in black, he felt the telltale tightening creeping into his chest— the one he couldn’t really explain most of the time, the one that snuck in and left his heart rattling and pounding against the walls of his ribcage despite the shaky, measured breaths that he tried to sip in and out to fight the rush of feeling.

But out of curiosity, or maybe a little bit of self-sabotage, he clicked on the image—with Mickey still obliviously smirking at his phone screen beside him in the bed, his free arm draped casually across Ian’s chest. So Mickey didn’t notice, really, when Ian pulled up the full post on his own screen— a pixely photo, taken on a now-outdated iPhone in the hazy darkness of the Fairytale.

Ian’s pale skin, the strobe lights bouncing off of it, was the only really visible item in the foreground— and in the shadows behind him, a group of unfamiliar faces. It didn’t even really look like him— his heavy-lidded gaze was murky, definitely hopped up on some bizarre cocktail of drugs quickly taken in a dirty bathroom stall with shaky hands. Ian— Ian in the photo, Ian at the club— was leaning sloppily against the chest of a grey-haired stranger in a dark button-up; glitter on his hollow cheeks, a barely-there mesh top, smudged eyeliner almost masking the purple shadows under his eyes. A black feather boa wrapped tight, too tight, around his neck— an older man with his hand snaked around Ian’s waist, another with his fingertips tangled in the end of the boa.

The tightness was still there, a rubber band wrapped snug around his chest. Aside from the shame and disgust swirling somewhere in his gut at seeing this stupid fucking picture, the thing that Ian felt most was the annoyance welling in him, thick and heavy— what fucking person couldn’t look at a picture of themselves being a stupid teenager? What type of person still felt the aftershocks, like fire and ice and fucking bee stings swelling under his skin, just by looking at a fucking old Instagram post?

“Hey man, are you good?”

Mickey’s phone was now face-down on the blanket, his body twisting under the sheets towards Ian. His eyes flickered to the phone clenched tight in Ian’s hand, undoubtedly searching for the reason that Ian’s heart was thrumming just a little bit too quickly under where Mickey’s hand was still limply resting on his chest.

Ian tried to swallow down whatever was in his throat, whatever was on his tongue. “It’s fine. Just thought I deleted all these old pictures and shit.” And despite that, he couldn’t really look away. “I guess I only got rid of the ones with the sleazy comments. And the videos or whatever.”

Mickey’s brows furrowed. They both weren’t really social media aficionados— if anything, they’d only really gotten into it recently, after the wedding and the move and needing some way to keep the rest of the Gallagher clan plus Kev and V in the loop about their various gardening endeavors and pictures of Baz sleeping, and to see Lip and Tami post baby pics of Freddie and his new little sister. Ian had rebooted his old Instagram account, the one he’d made in his final moments of high school and posted heavily-filtered pictures with Mandy on before joining the army. When he’d started working at the club back then, the Instagram quickly became a place to drum up business, to post specific photos and to flirt with clients in the comments— and he thought he’d deleted all of them when he redownloaded the app, keeping the pictures of a freckled 15-year-old Ian and removing the rest up through youth center brunches with Geneva. Apparently he’d missed this one, and all the memories that could come flooding back with it— and neither he nor Mickey had really noticed.

Mickey’s eyes stayed frozen to the screen— cautious, thinking. “Just fucking delete it, man.”

Ian thumbed over the red delete button, sending the picture into some sort of pixelated oblivion. But even that couldn’t really scrub the image out of his mind— the fingers pressed into his hip, the scratchy feathers tangled around his neck, the now-heavy boulder lodged in his chest. He ran his free hand through his hair, trying to ground himself in the face of whatever weird floatiness he was feeling—tugging at it, just a little.

“Hey.”

Mickey reached over— gently plucking the cell phone out of Ian’s white-knuckled grasp, placing it beside his with a soft thud on the bedsheets. Running his own hand through Ian’s hair— a hand that was gentle and slow, a hand that slightly dulled the buzzing in Ian’s brain, soothing the pain at the roots of his hair.

“Sorry.”

Mickey opened his mouth to protest Ian’s apology, but the words kept spilling out. “I don’t know why seeing stuff like that still makes me feel like shit. It’s like I forget it actually happened.”

He was healthy now— he was stable. He had an apartment with his husband, and a dog, and a savings account. How could he feel so fucking good one second, be laying in his bed from Ikea under a fucking duvet next to the love of his life, and feel so shitty in the next when he looked that version of himself in the eye?

It was stupid— it was so fucking stupid, but the feeling didn’t stop. He closed his eyes— he tried to focus on Mickey’s fingers, still scratching a slow pattern onto his scalp.

“You’re okay, Ian.” He let himself release a slow breath as he absorbed Mickey’s words. “You’re not there anymore. You worked fuckin’ hard to get here.”

Ian forced his eyes open. Mickey squeezed his wrist, tangled their fingers.

“I wish I could erase all that shit.” He hated how thick his voice sounded.

“You already did, Gallagher. Look where the fuck we are right now.” Mickey gestured to their white-walled apartment, their minimalist furniture.

Ian breathed out a throaty laugh. “Yeah. I guess.”

Mickey pressed a quick peck of relief to his temple, and Ian felt the warmth of it trickle down his spine. “You don’t gotta think about that shit anymore. It’s still gonna be there— but you’re filling everyone’s fucking Instagram feed with fucking tomatoes these days. You definitely ain’t the same person you were back then.”

Ian felt the corners of his mouth creep upwards. “You love my tomato pictures and you know it. And you love my captions even more.”

Mickey rolled his eyes— and leaned in close, settling again against Ian’s chest.

“Yeah, I guess I fuckin’ do.”

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 2

The Case of the Dismal Dinner

Summary

Welcome back to our flashback/Tisch fight already in progress where we learn what Daisy and Sly’s shared look was about while Rekha and Grant go for the proverbial jugular emotionally. It’s 12 years ago and Sylvester is tracking down a stolen diadem, the very same diadem that he sees Daisy swipe off the thief who has it (a jackal named Roscoe McCoy in case that matters). Sly swipes it back from her and, when she notices, she sniffs it down to his train car where he is sitting in the dark, waiting for her. He doesn’t turn the lights on, opting instead to dramatically strike a match to light his pipe, illuminating himself sitting in a big chair, holding the stolen item.

Daisy tries to bluff like she’s Virginia Chase, the owner of the diadem, but Sly knows that’s not true because he was hired by the real Virginia to track it down. Daisy is usually a better liar than this but she is insta-smitten by this figurative and literal fox and it’s throwing her off her game. But before they can continue their little tete-a-tete, they hear a gunshot ring out from Daisy’s room and know Roscoe and his guys are coming after her. Sly stuffs Daisy in a trunk before the boys show up and they actually seem a little impressed to meet him, him being a famous detective and all, but a Nat 1 deception means they hear Daisy being huffy in the chest and a fight/escape scene that Brennan takes over narration for ensues. 

After that, Sly and Daisy become close really quickly and partners in both senses of the word. Daisy tells him she’s an American PI and they work together on cases, travel the world, and become engaged within the year. But, the day before the wedding, when Sly is alone, he discovers all the documentation proving that Daisy lied about who she is, is actually a criminal, and has been using their partnership to sell information to other criminals.

She shows up and tries to pretend like she’s being set up but he replies, “You being duped is the only lie you’ve told I can’t believe.” He says that being with her changed him. He didn’t think he had it in him to actually love another person. He forgives her. He still wants to get married. Daisy is thrown by this reaction. She tells him she’s not gonna change for him and he might as well leave her. She’s being all unapologetic femme fatale about it but he gets the sense that under her bravado she’s low key pleading with him to give up on her. He doesn’t want to. He can’t. He still shows up the next day in his wedding tux. Daisy is nowhere to be seen. When he goes home, there’s a deerstalker cap on his porch and a note that just reads “-D”.

And we snap back to the present where Daisy is trying to figure out if she can take advantage of Lucretia’s fascination with the occult and all the rich vulnerable people present to make some money. Meanwhile, Sly has been totally rocked by seeing Daisy and is drowning his sorrows at the bar with Ollie, the otter bartender. Squire Badger (which is what I’ll be calling William) shows up and, in not so many words, threatens Sly for having not solved the case and making a fool of him. He says, “You’re not gonna rub my nose in this.” Move your nose then bitch, says Sly on a dirty 20 intimidation check. He’s sad about girl problems, not you! Squire Badger is scared off, but he looks like he knows something that Sly doesn’t. That someone is coming for him. 

Buckster (and Ian too btw) clocked the above conversation and sidles up to Sly at the bar. See, not only does Buckster know about Sly and Daisy’s history, he knew it was happening *while* it was happening. Sly used up all his cool swagger on the Squire so by the time Buckster shows up he’s a whole mess over Daisy. Buckster starts implying that maybe they can help each other out since they both dislike the Squire and with Sly’s Nat 20 Insight, they can totally clock each other’s double meanings perfectly. It’s a very cool game thing where Sly and Buckster are having an innocuous conversation about the weather or whatever but Grant and Sam are just saying what they mean. It’s like they’re having a telepathic conversation. Sly agrees that the enemy of his enemy is his friend and he’ll go along with Buck’s plans as long as he can keep his hands clean, even if he doesn’t really care for Buck himself. 

At the same time Gangie is in the kitchens getting fed (see the notes for a full list of kitchen staffers and other NPCs) and after the staff leaves, Gangie is told by Ambrose Harding (the Squire’s turtle valet) that there’s is business for him to attend to after dinner. 

Buckster talks to Lawrence Longfoot--the rabbit photographer from last ep who we learn runs a trash newspaper. He and Buck bond over being trash and he gets a pic of Sly and Buck together. 

Vicar Ian goes to talk to the Squire and basically tries to (openly) suss out whether the money was a bribe or a setup or what? Like, people are fully there (including the Lady Fawnbrook and her gossipy cat wife Tabitha). They snipe at each other a bit and then the Squire reveals that he’s talked him up to the Cardinal and the Cardinal agreed that he’s such a good vicar, he should be moved to Siberia. The decision has already been made and Ian doesn’t have the pull in the church to do anything about it. Yikes. 

Before dinner, the rat butler catches Buck and asks if he has time to talk to Squire Badger. Buck agrees to go with him and he’s taken to the billiards room where the Squire is along with Harding and James Hawkins, Squire’s Hawk war buddy (a literal war hawk). Buck immediately puts his foot in his mouth by messing up the Squire’s title with his American ignorance of British peerage rules which annoys him, the elitism of it all. The Squire’s friends leave and then Buck starts talking about PR and how this whole situation has been bad PR for the Squire and it would be a shame if his PR got even worse. The suggestion of blackmail sends the Squire into a full honey badger don’t care style rage and he knocks TF out of Buck, flips the pool table, and then catches himself and scurries off. Daisy, Sly, and Gangie all hear this conversation from their positions in the house via the pipes running through the manor. Buck picks himself up and, on a 25, realizes that two of the mouse maids were hiding behind a curtain, hearing the whole thing (specifically, Edwina Thimble and Carolyn Dickory--oh like hickory dickory doc, BRENNAN) . They were playing hooky so he flips them a coin each and they all agree that no one saw or heard anything. “Two blind mice, see how they run,” he quips as they leave (sidenote, what a morbid nursery rhyme to exist in that world--to be fair, it’s pretty morbid as is).

Lucretia decides to turn the séance into a post dinner séance but still brings Daisy and Lars to see her occult room which is full of crap from, as Rekha said, “1800s Party City”. Lucretia does a hilariously vague read on Daisy and says that there’s something happening with her involving a man she knew or maybe still knows but she’s in her feelings about Sly so it kinda shakes her up. She tries to get Lucretia to charge for her “””incredible gift””” (so she can skim off the top of course) but Lucretia thinks it would be a misuse of her ~talents~. She does give Daisy an incredibly broad as to be useless even if magic exists blessing before she leaves. 

Once she does, Daisy scopes out the room (which she realizes must have been retrofitted for Lucretia and wasn’t previously a séance room) and sees that the one thing in the room that doesn’t really match the aesthetic is a giant portrait of one of the previous squire badgers. On a 24 she notices two things: (1) the painting has recently been restored with new paint and (2) the frame is bolted to the wall. She wants to check it out but Lars is right there so she makes a note to check it out later and leaves. 

Lars, being a very ride or die friend for Sly, bounds after her and basically calls her trash and tries to tempt her with garbage so she’ll lose composure and start chowing down. She drools at the sight but keeps it together and leaves. Lars runs off to tell Sly that they were a good good dog and gives him a full play by play. 

Gangie meanwhile is watching a small argument between the butler and Harding in the servant’s quarters hallway and he realizes that he’s being talked about in veiled language. The butler is questioning Gangie’s employment and Harding says that, as servants, they shouldn’t question their master and that Gangie is employed for reasons that Squire Badger is aware of and reasons he is not. Hmm. Gangie realizes that Harding knows about his past which is weird because Gangie’s criminal record doesn’t follow him. There’s no internet. So what reason would this guy have to know about him?

Gangie doesn’t like this and decides to dip and steal some silverware on the way out. Mrs. Molesley (who I’ll be calling Mrs. M from now on) helps him (lol I’m not entirely sure if she didn’t know what he was doing or if she’s just down with stealing) and says that she’s been working there since Squire Badger was in diapers (she was his nanny) and if anyone bullies Gangie, she’ll take care of them. She also offers to make him a sweater so he doesn’t get cold and she’s just so nice that Gangie has to say yes. He looks to make sure no one is around and gives her a dandelion he picked. Cute!!!

And now it’s time for dinner and our very first box of doom roll for the most terrifying encounter of all: how close you have to sit next to your bitter ex! This is of course for Sly and Daisy with higher than a 15 meaning they don’t have to sit next to each other and anything lower meaning they have to sit pretty close. It is the first BOD roll I’ve ever wanted them to fail (mmm, except maybe Adaine’s werewolf roll but that’s a different conversation). 

It’s in the 6-10 bracket which means they’re sitting across from each other (below that would have been them next to each other). Everyone is seated based on how on Squire Badger’s shitlist they are. So you have Ian at the absolute back. Sly to his right and Daisy on his left. The Buckster and Lars to the right and left after that. Then Armond (armadillo lawyer guy) and a snail guy because Brennan is a madman who cannot be stopped. Constance (Squire’s daughter) makes a toast to her dad wishing him well even though they haven’t always seen eye to eye (hmmm).

Buckster fills in Daisy on his confrontation with the Squire quietly enough that no one else hears. Daisy then turns to Sly and says she hopes they can be civil. Sly is like, “Sure Ms. DUMPSTER.” They’re the kind of exes who know exactly how to hurt each other but are also super open to being hurt. Emotional glass cannons is how Brennan describes it. 

Buckster is given a note by Harding from Squire Badger and, once dinner is over, he takes Daisy off to the side to read it. Gangie follows, unseen. Ian, who recently prayed to God and got not super clear results goes to talk to Luecretia to see if maybe ghosts can help him instead. She is, as usual, not super helpful but does rush out to get her very necessary ritual dagger and declares to everyone that if anyone sees a ghost they have to tell her. As she says this, there is a flash of lightning and, through the window, Sylvester sees just for a moment the form of his nemesis, Fletcher Cottonbotton (who is by the docks).

Anyway, Buckster reads the note. It’s a document from the Squire selling his interest in BB Industries (Buck’s oil company) to Hazel Hogswallop who is another small shareholder in BB Industries. But, in doing so, it names Josiah Jackrabbit (one of his competitors) her proxy which means he’ll be able to vote on things (and with a lot of power with all that stock).  The contract was written in fresh ink which means (1) it was probably written after their fight and (2) hasn’t been mailed yet (I smell a heist attempt). Buck rolls insight on the writing (mastermind rogue ability) and with a 27 senses that the Squire has gone off his rocker. This isn’t going to make him any money. Josiah doesn’t have enough liquid cash to pay him what this is worth. And the thing with Hazel would have taken time to set up. This has been in the works for a while and he’s been sitting on it until the time was right. And he senses, like Sly and Gangie did earlier, that someone besides the Squire is pulling the strings. 

Then Gangie suddenly hears Constance’s distressed voice through the pipes from upstairs: “Father you’re possessed! You’re a mad man! This will never work. Speak of this to me never again.” And she slams the door (Buck, Daisy, and Gangie all hear). Constance comes downstairs and Squire Badger follows, looking upset. Mrs. M checks in on him too see if he’s eaten and he kind of gruffly has her follow him (along with Mr. Harding) into the drawing room.

There is a scream. Something drops. Silence. Footsteps. A door opens. Then a voice, “My God!”

Everyone rolls initiative. Ian moves first and, upon hearing all the commotion, gathers everyone together to go towards the sound (interesting choice but sure). Daisy recognizes that the scream heard was Mrs. M but barely knows who she is. She goes towards the commotion anyway. Gangie also goes towards the scream. Buckster grabs his gun (well he says “weapon”, but it’s gotta be a gun, right?) and makes like he’s following her but actually hides. Lars and Sylvester go towards the scream. 

With everyone gathered, Ambrose opens the door. Inside they see Mrs. M, her hands covered in blood (my guess? From trying to stop the bleeding), kneeling on the ground over the dead body of the Squire. The room is a mess and stuff is scattered everywhere. There is a bloody knife in the Squire’s hand and a stab wound over his heart. Ms. M, who is distressed as hell, says there was something wrong with him. There was a flash, and she looked down and he was stabbing himself. Everyone thinks this is suspicious as hell. She was the only one in the room. Everyone looks to Sly, the famous detective who is not in the presence of a murder case in progress. What does Sly say? “Lady Lucretia. I’ve seen a ghost.”

Case Notes

I have to acknowledge how ON FIRE Grant was this episode. Like everyone was. Buck was great with the Squire. Daisy and Lars sniping at each other was fun. But man Grant had so many good lines. The “move your nose”. The heartbreak with Daisy (ugh, so sad!) And that blackout line!!! I am biased towards foxes as you can see from my avatar so I am very here for this great fox rep.

Based on the way their staredown went last ep I kinda thought Daisy was the wronged party but ugh. Slyyyyyyy. He forgave herrrrrrr. And he still went to the alter. Daisy how you could youuuuuuu?

Also, sigh, Fox and the Hound. I keep getting hit with these after the fact. 

I loved Rekha’s “Of the Chase Sapphire’s?” improv.

That racoon/mink line was so sleazy. Weird compliment but Brennan is good at being animal-racist. Sidenote, Daisy makes a comment about being careful being a fox in England which I presume is a ref to fox hunting and like the implication of that are como se dice troubling. 

Here are all the new NPCs for this ep and here’s a full NPC guide that also includes the list of names Gangie gave Buck which Buck shares with Daisy this ep.

And on that topic I can’t get over the concept of a married couple named Millie Molton and Mollie Milton. Like, did they get married solely for the bit???

The best Ian-ism of the ep was him talking about getting rejected from Siberia. Poor guy.

Fave OOC moment was everyone at the table getting aggressively patriotic in response to the Squire being dismissive to Buck. There is nothing funnier than someone singing a purposefully overwrought version of I’m Proud to Be An American. 

“It’s 2020 for us bitch!”

The moment Mrs. M said she was gonna make Gangie a sweater I was scared for her. Sweaters take a long time to get made. I was like oh no. The plot is gonna stop you from making that sweater isn’t it. I’m willing to be proven wrong (Brennan loves his maids with secrets, see: Cathilda) but she seems super sweet and if anything happens to her I’m going to be upset. 

What’s behind the painting Brennan. I know there’s a door. I know this house is full of secret tunnels and revolving bookshelves and all that. Let me see it!

One great little moment was when there was a flash of lightning and the minis for Sly and Lars like stop motion moved to look at it. Just great attention to detail. The work that gets put into this show is incredible.

Edit: A note I forgot to mention. There’s gotta be a secret door in the room where it happened, right? Like, creep in, flash of light to mess up her vision, do some shenanigans, peace out.

[zalrb]

tv rewatch: gg edition ep 13

lmao remember when dan as gossip girl put on blast that his girlfriend was picking up a pregnancy test? and then acted SO shocked when he saw the blast? lmaoooooo, dan as gossip girl is always ridiculous.

i never like serena's boots.

but serena getting the pregnancy test for blair is true friendship shit. although i'm sure blair could've sent dorota to get it, even if dorota was snapped taking a pic, it could've been for her or for eleanor. but then this storyline wouldn't happen! lol.

"you act like you're in a movie about your perfect life and then i have to remind you that the only person watching that movie is YOU" lmaoooo, i wish that delivery had a little more bite but then that wouldn't fit in with 'nice' serena.

"you're not going to be a grandfather." ".... .... .... that's cool." LOL.

"well i'm sorry if unlike some people i haven't been on the pill since i was fifteen." "ok i AM giving up." i mean, serena's not wrong tho.

"he does have this weird influence over her." i mean but we don't actually see that between chuck and blair, though.

dan should not be giving anyone fashion advice.

"take a look outside, b, my first response would be the sky is a clear, blue easy!"

"i took a public bullet for you." lol i mean, really, blair had some nerve.

"your ... condition..." they really should've spent more time on blair's bulimia.

"i'm so glad, i wouldn't know what to wear to a paternity hearing!" LOL that is kind of savage. i love it. they needed lily to say that line.

dan is not witty enough to be gossip girl.

nate. has. SOME. NERVE. in this episode.

"YES, nathaniel. i took what blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back!" I MEAAAAAAAAAAN

"HEAR WHAT I SAID? STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME CHUCK." lmao this is funny because when he says that, chuck isn't even going after him, there's a good amount of distance between them.

nate, you're ridiculous.

"you told your low-rent boyfriend and he told his social climbing sister who wears my hand-me-downs" LOL blair, you're awful.

lmao "i love you." serena: "okay..."

“you’re becoming dangerously close to being smarter than i am” i think he surpassed you, serena.

oh good, the scene where chuck slut shames blair and then calls her a used. horse.

“i’ll try to be more succinct.” words damon (or ian for that matter) never said.

“before that i had a succession of women, mostly groupies, who chose me, i never really dated.” so what EXACTLY did you and lily do? if it wasn’t just sex.

“don’t let some stupid scandal drive you away like it did me.” i mean, serena, you slept with her boyfriend, it wasn’t just a ‘scandal’...

why would you take a helicopter to the airport?

xoxo zalrb

[zathechaosgod]

Favourite Stream Moments!

Streamed by Philza on Twitch on Monday 11th of January

Hardcore boi is here!

(breathe, yall, its not resurrection time just yet)

ocean monument again!!!

it’s actually really pointless because there’s no farms for it planned as of right now lmao

just a cool build :)

new record viewers yesterday!!!

phil lost it when schlatt showed up

apparently wilbur just asked schlatt during the stream if he wanted to join in lmaooo

he needs more blue for the glass

gapple gang catch up pog!

phil has upped alert speed a bit, as well as donation amount so people don’t donate too much, which is a very weird problem to have for phil

SOMEONE GIFTED A HUNDRED SUBS WHAT

rip phils alerts again lol

there’s probably not gonna be more glatt, bc schlatt is done with the dream smp

flower farm pog? phil just needs blue tho

today is just gonna be placing down glass walls

and maybe if we get very very lucky we might even get to placing sand

if you’ve witnessed tubbo’s guardian farm, imagine that process but faster

time to teach the newbies once again that phil doesn’t just play on the dream smp and very much does whatever he wants lol

he’s gonna make another conduit, seeing as he’s got 30 hearts of the sea lmao

time to head to the guardian farm at a different ocean monument to get the prismarine for the conduit lmao

“season 2 was just build different”

lmao his prismarine is in the nethervoid

nethervoid with spooky shaders pog?

NETHERVOID WITH SPOOKY SHADERS POG

“should we go full spook?”

HE TIMED IT WITH RUBEDO BY LENA RAINE

it was timed so perfectly wow

anyway time to grab the prismarine

420 SPEEDRUN SUB 30MINUTES

SNOOP DOG

HE’S GAINED VIEWERS

also whiplash back to minecraft soundtrack lmao

his goldfarm is tiny but very very pog! dream smp take notes

people are attempting to get phil to alt f4 and he’s like “i’ve seen it all, you think i’m gonna fall for alt f4?”

anyways, back to conduit and ocean overlord

ian asking “why he copied that minecraft dude from youtube with the five year world”

SOMEONE JUST REDEEMED AN EARCHECK RIP

his biggest frustration in this entire project is gonna be people redeeming earchecks lmao

also yes phil has his own pogchamp emote

he wil lose his mind if his emote gets chosen

audio is scuffed once again rip

time to fix rip

dad is gone crab rave

he’s back!!!

he flew home on autopilot before realising lmao

someone just requested a rich boi earcheck as well lol

yeah dream smp is just a condensed clout farm lmao

phil is almost at 40k viewers pog

phil showed off the money mode for when he needs to make sense from chat when we’re in chaos

chat is bullying him about the way he pronounced book lmao

someone asked if he would add wigza as an emote

he doesn’t want to talk about it

lanu figured out how to raid!!! (that’s tubbo’s sister)

so she raided phil awww

“friendship ended with sleepy bois inc, road trip is my favourite family dynamic now” lmaooo

“tubbo is not exactly the best teacher, i would say. she’s working through it, she’s definitely working through it on her own”

someone mentioned ohio so now chat is spamming “F*CK OHIO” again 

we’re having the pronunciation discussion again oooooh

fun fact: the uk, for its size, has an incredibly huge accent range

phil pulled up a pic of the different accents and now every british person is spamming their accent in chat lmao

also phil’s accent is actually toned down a lot lmao

he met a bunch of americans on halo on the original xbox and they couldn’t understand a word he was saying, so he unconsciously toned it down lol

aaand we’re at the soda vs pop debate

also the world edit jokes have started

phil learned from his dad that nobody takes someone with a thick geordie accent seriously, which is why his dad toned down his own

quintessential most geordie sentence pog?

“whose keys are these keys like?”

“like” is literally a geordie full stop lmao, it is completely meaningless

scouse just sounds pissed all the time?

he remembers meeting someone with a scottish accent for the first time at a halo tournament and phil was just confused for the whole time talking to that dude

america literally has less accents than literally just the northern part of england lmao

FISHING REDEEMED POG

first time fishing here pog?

pretty shaders!

what do you call a rack you dry clothes on? drying rack? airer? someone called it a horse???

fun fact: geordies pronounce the h in herb

LMAO A DONO LITERALLY LIVES IN CEDAR RAPIDS

LMAOOO PHIL AND KRISTIN WERE IN DURHAM WHEN THEY FILMED FOR AVENGERS END GAME THERE AND THEY WERE TOLD IT WAS FOR INFINITY WAR

money mode is on to free us from spam pog

kristin is asking what we want for food lmao

phil had a chance to go to germany on a school trip and ended up not going lmao

LMAO HIS FRIENDS FOUND A GIRL THAT LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE ONE OF HIS FRIENDS

literally genderswapped doppelganger

they didn’t even notice until they looked at the picture???

he’s hearing a zombie underneath the sea floor

time to d i g

aww it was just a cave, no spawner

you should hold down tnt minecarts for like, a minute or more, then give it a push and witness the tnt tornado (in creative, ofc)

phil is gonna try a different tactic for draining the monument pog??

pog automod knows stupid stuff in different languages so there’s still some level of modding for people who speak in different languages

lmao phil went on realms occasionally?

and wilbur did that offstream with phil, kristin and fundy on call

and he recently just like,, burned down this lmanberg style build lmao

he’s really just out there to grief

then phil joined afterwards to apologize and went on a tour and build a better sugar cane farm pog?

ALSO HE COMPLETELY NUKED SOMEBODYS SERVER WITH TNT LMAOO

chaotic!phil

phil went sort of professional playing halo, btw, but back then esports wasn’t really like it is now so it’s not like he got flown out or something lmao

shoutout to the waffle people, seeing as today is a belgian stream apparently lmao

also accents suck i get so much anxiety from my voice

LMAO SOMEONE MISSPELLED DESSERT AS DESERT AND PHIL THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT SAND AGAIN

someone used their gapple gang message on a 77777spam lmaooo

“wouldn’t have it any other way”

oh in like an hour another recording session with tommy pog?

altho that does mean stream will end

phil is whining about how much he misses stotties, which is a type of cake??? but keto

MOMZA BARGED IN AND SHOT HIM WITH THE MOMGUN

she’s out of ammo lmao he’s wrestling the gun away from her

she accidentally aimed at his head oof

chat is talking about two things right now and phil is not happy with either of them: bread and sand

phil just implied he married kristin for her accent lmaoo

“she’s stream sniping me, could get banned for that” lololol

he doesn’t have enough glass to finish the entire perimeter probably, but there’s only one way to find out

also yes phil has given up on denying that he created minecraft

he and kristin are gonna make pizza with a chicken base???

SECOND SNOOP POG

ANOTHER HYPETRAIN POG

also phil is still balancing the donos so he doesn’t rip people off but the alerts also don’t get clogged

he totally gets why wilbur does it

anyway, time to go look for more lapis so he can make more glass lmao

JACKPOT MORE THAN A STACK OF LAPIS BLOCKS IN ENDLANTIS POG

time to make allll the glass

goal of this year for phil: buying a house with kristin!

momza send a picture of the “pizza” she “made for us” and it has chicken nuggets on it????

oof running low on gapples now, time to make some more!

phil has a mini project idea where he customizes all the important nether portals to look like the places they lead to

now we’re looking up where gelatin comes from

T I M HAS DONATED OVER 200K BITS WHAT

people really are surprised that wilbur and tommy’s streams are chaos??

“it’s how they operate, it is their natural state”

little blade is coming for t i m’s top spot lmao

phil has given up on what’s canon or not and just appreciating what fans are making awww

he doesn’t want to limit our creativity!

also phil was supposed to play rust with the boys but he didn’t want to start streaming late but also didn’t want to play rust for just an hour

which is why he’s just playing minecraft lmao

lmao there’s another gifted subs war going on

people keep one-upping each other lol

PHIL IS SHOWING US STUFF THAT GOT CUT OUT OF THE LATEST TOMMY VID LMAOO

also lmao the video got age restricted

so wilbur came to each of them and gave each a speech

which got cut out but phil has his speech to show us!

LMAO PHIL IS WEARING THE SAME SHIRT HE’S GOT TO CHANGE BEFORE THE RECORDING

“MY BACK SCRATCHER”

ITS ACTUALLY SO GOOD WHY DID THEY CUT IT OUT

also yes phil had like 61 diamond axes at that point due to another bit

anyway 2:50:00, go watch if you like the tommy vids

“can you blow up the dream smp” “we did that”

lmao phil thanking lana for the gifted subs before realising she got exactly one more gifted sub than the other person and just *stares into the camera*

“spain without the s”

happy birthday prez! (again)

also we’re almost at 15k subs pog

and we're getting old philza pics with long hair then lmaoo

twitch con struggles rip

will there be a twitch con this year? who knows

phil and ian were supposed to go to twitch con amsterdam last year f

also tommy has permission to spam tts if phil needs to go record lmao

PHIL AND TECHNO HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO MEET YET RIP

LMAO FUNDY AND NIKI MISSED THEIR PLANE????

back to missing pizza poor phil he’s sad now

phil doesn’t have anything planned for his bday bc covid, but he’s stopping keto then so he can eat pizza again lmao

TIME TO RECORD BOTH POG AND SADGE

LMAO CRAB GIFTED SUBS TO TRY AND SNEAK IN THE TOP SPOT AGAIN

phil is confused about the recording, bc tommy is still streaming so he might be able to go as well but he’s messaging tommy

AND NOW LANAS BACK WITH THE SUBS LMAO

rip twitch broke again

@ twitch fix your servers dude

ah someone is streaming to more than a million people that explains

phil is so confused tommy made another group for another video idea so phil has no idea what tf is happening

guess he’s just gonna continue the circle lmao

several thousands of people left bc they thought he was ending lol “little did they know”

AND THE CIRCLE IS ACTUALLY ALMOST FINISHED POG

people have no idea phil just,,, mined sand for two months

youtube gang did not miss as much as they think lol

tommy messaged him back finally

ah they are recording tonight

he’s gonna finish the circle tho!!

CIRCLE IS FINISHED!

next stream the actual draining part can begin

aww momza is here to give phil a shirt to change into

phil is just rejecting all the shirts she’s holding out lmao

time for dadza to go record another funny video!

twitch is still kinda scuffed but phil can see his following channels so we’re gonna raid sneeg!

GARBAGE DAYYYYY

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [obviously it's actually ages later so she clearly isn't coming back but it's also enough time that we can pretend we're fine and joke about it and that she might not reply until even later cos christmas so we feel safe to just be like nbd lol] Jimmy: *g2g Jimmy: or piss off would've worked an' all Jimmy: far as a christmas classic goes Janis: yeah, they was up Janis: you know how it goes from there Janis: didn't reckon comparing notes was gonna be any more thrilling than living it, yeah? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby timestamped to show how early he actually was up like yep] Janis: Ouch Janis: how buzzing was he then Janis: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 scale Jimmy: off it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Where was his best mate on the scale? Janis: pretty solid and manic 😆 Janis: bit of a wobble when she had to eat her lunch and stop playing with all the shit she got Janis: but what's 😂 without some 😭 Jimmy: #same obvs Jimmy: might just be Ian's cooking making me 😭 though Janis: I'll let her know Janis: feel well reassured and #seen Janis: Sharon didn't show? Jimmy: I know, mate we're all 💔 by her empty chair Jimmy: my mum neither, funnily enough Jimmy: pisstaking lack of miracles about Janis: We did see Jesus and Santa out on it so Janis: lads aren't on top form Jimmy: if he hadn't drank the 🥛 she might've appeared, needing a bit for her ☕ Jimmy: SUCH a selfish dickhead Janis: spin the trope on it's head Janis: clever Janis: could've been picking up more 🚬 too Jimmy: she left them behind, as NYE resolutions go 🚭 is a bit cliche but Jimmy: you crack on, Debbie Janis: far as parting gifts go Janis: so so at best Jimmy: Dunno I were chuffed with it Janis: of course, birth of 😎 boy Jimmy: weren't like I could follow in her footsteps out the door Jimmy: piss poor #originstory that Jimmy: have to fake it Janis: #relatable Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: when ain't we on the same page? Janis: have to 🤞 they'd never put this shit to paper Janis: poorly written fanfic and a netflix original that tanks, fine Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Jimmy: ✔✔ Janis: nothing, obviously Jimmy: 🖋🩸 it is then Janis: can sell my soul no problem Janis: good luck cashing that one in boys Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: any organs going Jimmy: won't be doing receipts, goes without saying Janis: careful how you word that one Janis: get a bit #metoo Jimmy: open to a bit of castration, since you asked Janis: Christmas does remind you of why not to have kids, right Jimmy: if nowt else Jimmy: can't all be Libis 💔 Janis: if you wanna chat to her form an orderly queue behind your brother, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: 2nd choice AGAIN Janis: who else put you 🥈? Jimmy: who HASN'T, babes 😭😭😭 Janis: oh, always the bridesmaid Janis: very you Jimmy: bit weird in this context, don't reckon we can marry off kids or spread about that I wanna wife up Libi so I were avoiding it but Janis: if the baby pink/lilac dress fits darling Jimmy: baby pink like my 😳 OBVS Jimmy: can't have a clash Janis: bad enough you're the oldest and fattest, christ Jimmy: way to drag me by my unflattering weave, hun Janis: Hate for you to make a show of yourself Janis: say these things for your own good 😘 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: I get waiting til your nan is more pissed but don't forget to secure my child bride for tomorrow 😘 Janis: They said yes already Janis: leaving out your intentions, obviously Janis: not that keen to get rid of her Jimmy: we're all chuffed she ain't gotta go in the boot Janis: radio and sweets should suffice in shutting her up Janis: for a bit, anyway Janis: no miracles occurring here either Jimmy: again #same Jimmy: so much in common, me and her Janis: sorry but no one is gonna ship this one Jimmy: PROPERLY starcrossed, what a dream Jimmy: off you fuck, tah Janis: rude Janis: and you won't be able to kidnap her without my help so at least keep me on side 'til then, moron Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: know where she lives and how to shut her up so Janis: yeah, but you don't know how to call off her KILLER dog Janis: checkmate, asswipe Jimmy: I'll have a google, be alright Janis: get your face ripped off, please Janis: get rid of the need for any of this Jimmy: SO romantic, you Jimmy: I'll miss you Jimmy: but bit rude if you ain't allowed to get married without a face Jimmy: bet the tories sorted that Janis: like fuck Janis: your outside'll just reflect the monster within Janis: easier to 🔎 even for the idiots about this way Janis: she'll get saved in no time and you'll get to be behind bars like you wanna ⛓💘 Jimmy: LITERALLY can't deal with these compliments rn tbh Jimmy: or that happy ending Janis: 💦 comes but once a year Jimmy: get your 🧠💭💕 off 🎅 it's OVER, Jodie Jimmy: he's already forgotten you Janis: he's literally all I've got Janis: fuck you Jimmy: delete your 📞 history and move on Jimmy: you've got the 🎁🎁 lads are good for nowt else Janis: I believe, thanks Janis: unlike you you bitter cow Jimmy: UGH, get a grip, babes Janis: 🤢 this is far too much like talking to actual Gracie Jimmy: won't insist on a 🏆 Jimmy: nowt challenging about doing a decent impression of any of 'em Janis: bit rude you've faked being impressed before now then Jimmy: for me, I'm a well better actor than you, girl Janis: if you reckon that then my job here is done Janis: all the 🏆🏆 for me Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah, that kinda day Jimmy: you gonna turn this one around for me an' all? Janis: is that what you want? Jimmy: isn't that what you want? Janis: if you're saying I reckon I always can, like a saviour complex, then nah Janis: but if you're just asking if I still want to see you, then, yeah Jimmy: if either of us would have a complex like that, it's gotta be me as a white lad, come on Janis: alright Janis: I'll come Jimmy: alright Janis: I know today is shit Janis: we don't need to pretend otherwise Jimmy: didn't reckon we were Janis: yeah Jimmy: ? Janis: It is a stupid question Janis: but aside from the obvious, are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: Yeah, pretty much Janis: so what's wrong? Jimmy: how much of the obvious are we putting aside? Janis: that the kids would be a bit gutted about your mum and the food and craic from your dad would be a bit shit Janis: in a nutshell Janis: so go on Jimmy: I'll live Janis: you don't wanna tell me, do you Jimmy: nowt to tell, it's shit, you already said it Janis: okay Jimmy: if you can believe in 🎅 you can take my word for it Janis: I am Janis: okay means 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we don't need to have an entire 👌👍 back and forth Janis: I'll 💬 when I'm close and you can keep being alright Jimmy: you started it, mate Jimmy: don't be a spoilsport Janis: go on then Janis: have your fun, it ain't mine Jimmy: 🗨  to me dickhead Janis: talk back to me Jimmy: I am Janis: not properly Janis: it's gone funny again Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Janis: I don't know Janis: just what you want Jimmy: I never said I were any good with words Janis: I'll survive Janis: let's just be Janis: like normal, business as usual Jimmy: I thought you were gonna write business casual, like there's an Ian approved dress code Jimmy: 🤏 gutted Janis: I have forgone the glitter and fur Janis: though I doubt he'd be as buzzing as shit nan, couldn't risk that faux pas again Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: he'd be chuffed to bits if you were wearing that, no funny business Janis: for the throwback of it all or Jimmy: you're right, loads of people have 👀 the 📷 Jimmy: you CAN'T Janis: if he slid into the gals DMs with the goss you could 🚨 Jimmy: ootd not outfit of the DAYS Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: oi, arrest him, not me Janis: you never said you were strictly fashion 👮 Jimmy: fine, if you don't wanna drive off into the sunset with me Jimmy: offering you a getaway car here Janis: the cars with me Jimmy: if Libi's not in the boot I ain't interested, soz Jimmy: you were told Janis: 🙄 Janis: you'll have to wait and see Janis: and be disappointed Jimmy: if you're wearing that pisstake of an outfit again, yeah Janis: I told you I ain't Janis: never again Janis: 🔥 Jimmy: did you? Janis: yeah Janis: [pictures of a jolly xmas fire with that melting all over the shop lmao] Jimmy: bit rude of you not to invite us Janis: I would if I could Janis: there's plenty more to burn Jimmy: 🎄 jumpers for a start Janis: exactly Janis: see if 💀#2 wants to put her diary on Jimmy: we could do it here 🤞 the whole house'd go up Jimmy: have to move then Janis: that would be win win Janis: death or a fresh start Jimmy: not enough drama for Bill but never is Jimmy: can't win with his 👻 Janis: he'd have you picking who to save Janis: always so EXTRA Janis: take a day off, Billy Jimmy: dead easy answer Janis: Sister can save herself, fuck the dog, so the kid? Jimmy: it's obvs you so the 🎭 can go ON and ON and ON 💔🎻😭 and owt else Janis: ugh Janis: my hero Jimmy: Bill makes the rules, babe Jimmy: @ him 👏👏🌹 Janis: lemme think of a sonnet first Janis: got to win him back 'round Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: don't offer to help then Janis: lazy Jimmy: why would I want you in his good books? Janis: what's good for me is good for you Jimmy: you can only have the one 👻 boyfriend at a time Jimmy: it ain't nowt but 👎 for me to get dumped for a more 🥇🎨🖋 🎭 Janis: I've only got the one Janis: ain't nothing but the writer Janis: and his ideas usually get ignored anyway Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: oh Bill Janis: you don't have to feel bad for him Janis: is trying to steal me Jimmy: can't blame him for having a go Janis: far as  🧛 fake girlfriends go Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 far as muses go Janis: I wasn't expecting half as many of the pub crawl pics to come out Janis: and that's not sounding surprised again Janis: just that the 🥴😵 wasn't too real Jimmy: you're that dickhead who looks #goals even with the 📸 on Janis: you make me look good Janis: #talent Janis: #skillz Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me Jimmy: you just look Janis: yeah well Janis: we're #goals by default 'cos you're not ugly yourself Janis: half of 'em probably think they're doing charity work or something 🦐🦑 Jimmy: tis the season Jimmy: 💀👑 must be 💔 she can't get back on it Janis: looks great on a CV Janis: but daddy hasn't thought about that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: kicking himself when he realises she's already too thick for Trinity Janis: God ONLY knows where she'll end up now Jimmy: 🤞 for the north OBVS Janis: 🤔 Janis: Leeds? Janis: I'll float the idea to her Jimmy: fit right in, her Jimmy: no need to ever leave Janis: SO happy for her and her new Northern life Jimmy: chuck you an oscar in a bit Janis: you got me another prezzie? Janis: you shouldn't have 🤗😘 Jimmy: can't help myself Janis: 🎅 energy Jimmy: just wanna be the 🎅 you deserve 💕 Janis: awh, don't make us cry Jimmy: 🚗 or 🏃? Janis: 🚗 Janis: why not Jimmy: alright 🚫😭 Janis: Considerate Janis: all you know I'm already ten sheets to the wind Jimmy: I'd know Janis: alright 👮 Jimmy: give yourself away ages before I got you to do any blowing, pisshead Janis: piss off would I Jimmy: weren't a challenge Janis: didn't say it was Janis: not bringing a bottle, obviously Janis: don't wanna make friends with him do I Jimmy: could've given it to me Janis: if it's a requirement I'll keep driving, dickhead Jimmy: if it were a requirement I'd have said before now Janis: then shh Janis: I might've got you something Jimmy: weird coincidence, that Janis: you did? Janis: almost like it's a holiday or something Jimmy: Dunno, sounds fake to me, that, mate Janis: what did you get me then Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😣 Janis: mean Jimmy: come here and open it Janis: if it's your dick in box I'm gonna be a 🤏 unimpressed Jimmy: 🎀 Janis: gift wrapping skills leaving nothing to be desired Janis: got it Jimmy: [a picture of this wrapped gift like how rude look how beautiful it is] Janis: don't be a tease again Janis: I'm already driving fast as I can Jimmy: only be a tease if didn't give it you Jimmy: actually for Libi, soz like Janis: she's had enough Janis: take it even if it's another cuddly toy Jimmy: I ain't giving you no clues Janis: not even if I 🥺 Jimmy: go on Janis: [does but obviously it's very pisstakey] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: is that a clue Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might just not fancy you 💀💀💀 from the lack of attention before you get here Janis: very possible Janis: so like me Jimmy: can't take the risk Janis: all the 💪🥇 heroics for you Jimmy: tah Jimmy: nowt to do with being a dickhead who needs you to do owt Janis: 'course not Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: but crack on through the 🌨 to bring me my Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: does this mean I'm an elf Jimmy: you're poor exploited rudolf and I'm your dead keen missus Jimmy: we've switched Janis: 😱 Jimmy: crack on and save me an' all Jimmy: would call this house a prison if I were a dramatic sort of reindeer lass Janis: I doubt you're being treated to such stunning musical numbers whilst you sit and rot though Janis: actually be right there, like Jimmy: you gonna sing for us? Janis: also how you know I'm not that drunk Janis: no karaoke now Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see Jimmy: [obvs does because always that bitch] Janis: [just assuming your xmas injury is not visible?] Jimmy: [I'm gonna say no so that the bubs won't know when we go to skerries because that's feelsier] Janis: [I vibe] Janis: okay, pretty convincing Jimmy: always sounding so 😱 you Janis: I might've forgotten what you looked like Jimmy: either that's bollocks or what you said a bit ago about my #goals face were Janis: you decide Jimmy: 👌 Janis: maybe I'm just saying it's been ages Jimmy: not denying that Janis: then take the compliment Jimmy: if we're telling each other what to do, shut up and drive Janis: 1. you always try and tell me what to do 2. what do you think I'm doing, you shut up Jimmy: 1. when do I? 2. pissing about Janis: literally constantly, no way I could narrow it down to a few examples Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: well bossy Janis: #bossbabe Jimmy: OI 👏 do 👏 you 👏 wanna 👏 buy 👏 the 👏 shite 👏 off 👏 my 👏 facebook 👏 OR 👏 WHAT? Janis: Honey, you're in a pyramid scheme Janis: and the lipsticks are shit 💁 Jimmy: 💰 on that being what pub crawl Sharon or Karen 💋 me with Jimmy: might've woken up with no face and your #ultimatekinkunlocked Janis: never gonna sell 'em so she may as well get some wear out of 'em Jimmy: #entreprenher Janis: 🤢 Janis: #dirtyoldcow Jimmy: 🐑 or nowt for this lad Jimmy: and she weren't even blonde! Janis: honestly, who does she think she is Janis: walking 'round like she's 👸🏼 Jimmy: *👰🏼 Jimmy: I'm a good catholic boy now 🚫💍🚫💋 Janis: 🤞 you've just made my nan drop down dead somewhere Jimmy: merry christmas, my dear Jimmy: 👍✔⚰ Janis: best present ever 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what did you get anyway Janis: fun was watching everyone struggle to get me anything without hint or direction Jimmy: mine were Ian not bothering to surprise us with 🐱🐭🐹🐰 or 🐢🐍🦎 to go with the 🐕 no dickhead asked for Janis: Such a read of poor Twix Janis: never again Jimmy: the one favour she's done us Janis: * I read 😇 Jimmy: he wants to bring her tomorrow Jimmy: 🤞🚫🐕 allowed Janis: plenty of places we can go that are only fake dog friendly Janis: but likewise, loads we can go where she can as well Jimmy: where do you want to? Janis: where do you wanna Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I don't care, s'not about me Jimmy: or me Janis: well we can't just let them decide or fuck knows what hell we'd end up in Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: have a 💭 Janis: you too Janis: or you'll blame me if it's crap Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😒 is permanent I know Jimmy: while I've still got a face any road Janis: we'll see how far the chemical burn can drive your rating down Jimmy: it won't with you, nowt else matters obvs Janis: won't run my rating down, or won't change my # of you? Jimmy: hang on, your rating ain't the same as your #s?! 😱 Janis: oops, I meant scale of #1-#10 Jimmy: don't matter, we're 💕 face or no face Janis: if you wanted sympathy, a well good breakup where I look like a total bitch Janis: and you don't need to fake no terminal illness Jimmy: be a bit rude Janis: could work Janis: though the sympathy sex DMs might get out of control for the gals that can stomach it Jimmy: you're really not convincing me this is even a 🥉 plan Janis: I was just thinking of myself, ngl babes Janis: the only lads who would bother me would be the ones that like mean girls, so at least I could still piss on 💀👑's parade and steal all her victims Jimmy: 👍 Janis: is that a 🤝? Janis: 👍 Jimmy: if it were I'd have said it were Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: do it whilst you still can Janis: melty face Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: oh you Jimmy: highlight of my day, that Janis: I know that's saying fuck all so Jimmy: 🎻🎻'll say it for me Jimmy: should probably 😭 while I can an' all Jimmy: brb Janis: where you going? Janis: I'll be there soon Jimmy: not telling you where I 😭 Janis: 🙄🙄😑 right Janis: carry on Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes before you get here, nowt to worry about Jimmy: back to 😎🚬 business as usual Janis: thank god Janis: not the kind of 'pleased to see me' I'm after Jimmy: 🔧🔨🪓🔪 I know Janis: be well rude if you'd forgot Jimmy: haven't had chance to smack myself round the head with any of 'em yet, you're alright Jimmy: nowt but a dream Janis: don't worry Janis: about to be a reality Jimmy: 🤞😍🤞 Janis: something like that Janis: am I coming in or are you coming outside Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I dunno Janis: answer it and I'll see Jimmy: why would you wanna come in? Jimmy: the obvs answer to that one is you wouldn't Janis: Yeah, but mission piss off your dad is in full swing, hence I asked Janis: but alright Janis: obviously I'm not pulling up right outside your house in his car so come over park Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [chilling outside this car not at all looking like you're about to do a drug deal or something] Jimmy: [chuck this 🎁 at her immediately because we're excited and also it's a distraction from how forlorn he clearly is] Janis: [poke and prod and shake it like you can work out what it is] Jimmy: [a look like open it then] Janis: [a look like don't rush me but obviously does and I cannot overstate how actually #SHOOK we'd be like idk what you're gonna say gal] Jimmy: [jimothy just gonna assume you don't like it, thanks for the self doubt Ian] Janis: ['mine's a bit shit now' like it's just a lighter but also you got that engraved we see you] Jimmy: [gesture for that gift like I'll be the judge of that thank you] Jimmy: [we know he's buzzing and is gonna use it immediately] Janis: [handing it over like you're not that bothered but clearly are, lowkey just looking through as much of the book as we can rn] Jimmy: [please do gal because he was joking about 😭 a min ago but he'd actually be emosh af rn cos the greatest gift we have ever received honestly] Janis: [when you don't even have to explain that you had it done before he did it 'cos literally last night and it's Christmas, we're all a bit emosh and overwhelmed now lmao, slayed it too hard] Jimmy: [not putting the lighter away even after his lit both of your 🚬 -which would be a moment ™ rn in each other's grill while overwhelmed af- because we're just gonna keep tracing that engraving with our fingers lowkey forever] Janis: [the amount of times we keep going to say something, like, literally no one has ever got us a gift this good, or how much we like it, or literally any of it, but we cannot 'cos it's too much so just standing here dying and smoking] Jimmy: [hard same though, they are both very much in the same boat, but add loads of blinking for him so he don't sob nbd] Janis: [when nothing is safe rn, can't speak, can't make out, just like !!! so hard, do a feelsy lean like you okay 'cos can't verbalise so] Jimmy: [obvs gonna do a feelsy lean back which hopefully won't hurt you too much boy because idk how we're hurting you this time] Janis: [yeah just let me know when it would be obvious 'cos not oblivious but don't wanna act like she's psychic and just gonna know immediately lol] Jimmy: [can you remember what injury I did when ice bath because I remember that but not what was fucking him up at the time] Janis: [it was just general body shots/potential for a broken rib moment, I think?] Jimmy: [that sounds accurate because nhs direct were like 🚭 so of course I did] Janis: [it just makes sense for where you would hit someone if you weren't going for a face moment, so potential you might of flinched then, I guess, so we're ? and out of our feels like what was that] Jimmy: [yeah like we're hiding the fact it hurts every time we breathe in so we don't have to forfeit the 🚬 and shit on your gift giving but the feelsy lean is our undoing, literally could've just not done it boy but we know you had to] Janis: [like honestly well done for getting that far it's only 'cos it was so dramatically emotional, the lowkey speed we're putting together what Bobby said, the obvious fact you were driving Ian's stolen car, like okay, so at least we don't have to ask the question, just gently holding his face 'cos can't even hug him or anything 'can I see?' like lemme assess the damage] Jimmy: [at least you would have a bit of time left to downplay how bad it is by looking at her like I'm fine before the bruises expose you because hasn't been long enough for them to fully be !!!!] Janis: [a look like, so show me then, but not as cunty as that sounds lmao] Jimmy: [I look around at the weather like do you want me to freeze to death because I love that we're communicating in looks still lol] Janis: [turning around like oh look, a car] Jimmy: [go sit in it because the weather isn't just an excuse clearly if you're gonna get snowed in tomorrow] Janis: [turn that heating on gal 'bit rude you weren't gonna seduce me' but your tone making it obvs you don't reckon you're gonna succeed at lightening the mood rn but you're alright with not making him talk about it too] Jimmy: ['bit rude of you to reckon I weren't' and a look around like is this not the perfect place to seduce you in because we will downplay this situation until the day we die so it's all nbd and we're SO FINE] Janis: [likewise looks around and shrugs 'suppose it's no less romantic than the park' and then looks out at said park and just chills in the silence for a bit] Jimmy: [we're looking too cos the mems and then eventually we're like 'come here then' as if we're gonna just hook up in this car as standard, sir your injuries] Janis: [does not] Jimmy: [nudges her like excuse you but you know that's gonna make you flinch if the feelsy lean did so then we're just annoyed for letting that happen again] Janis: [sighs, 'never promised I was gonna kill you today' like simply not in this state, and then is looking around again for something, before taking off our hoodie and getting out to assemble this snow pack] Jimmy: [OTT fake sigh to hide how big our genuine sigh would have been as if she doesn't know and then we're just watching her do this like ? before it becomes obvious what she's doing 'got loads of frozen sprouts at ours' because who in his fam would wanna eat them but we're not stopping her because we're hiding this from Bobby at least even if Cass knows] Janis: [just giving this to him like put it where you need it most 'you could go lay in it but you nah'd that idea before we even started' again, gentle pisstaking rn] Jimmy: [does obvs so you're gonna see anyway gal 'no I never, you never said that were your plan' likewise with our gentle pisstaking as if this is a normal day] Janis: [gestures like be my guest 'not a requirement I've gotta be on top of you' but we're looking the best we can without dramatically examining him right now and we're not happy with what we seeing, obviously] Jimmy: ['weren't a requirement for me to get my tits out either but that's what you were after a bit ago' as if she was asking him to flash her instead of trying to investigate whether he's alright or not, I lol] Janis: [IRL 🙄 at you boy 'you gonna try and tell me you're not that sort of girl now'] Jimmy: [crosses himself in the most pisstakey manner cos he's still him, however much pain he's in] Janis: [lols 'great, fake waiting 'til fake marriage now'] Jimmy: [is like 🤫 but way hotter than that emoji is obviously and then kissing her as if it's their secret] Janis: [the casual restraint we must show so it doesn't end up going too heavy here, but still, you can kiss as his face isn't injured rn, points to the heavens like, he's always watching babe] Jimmy: [a look up to said heavens like we're so #into that idea of a pervy voyeuristic god] Janis: [😏 'all about the #fans, you'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like a nerd 'don't sound like me'] Janis: [noise like hmm okay hun, after a little more silence, 'where were the kids?' we mean when Ian beat him up but up to you if he follows this train of thought] Jimmy: [shaking his head again before he can stop himself but obvs this time seriously like they didn't see anything because he does know what she means and my vibe is that whenever this happened Cass would've kept Bobby busy when the arguing started but because jimothy isn't ready to get into this whole story even though she's already worked it out he's gonna pretend he doesn't know what she's going on about and that was simply a confused headshake 'what?'] Janis: ['where are the kids now, like?' like what they up to, how'd you sneak out vibes, not 'cos you wanna pretend that's what you said all along but you understood if nothing else that he heard you and he doesn't wanna talk about however he understood what you said so we changing the subject] Jimmy: [nods in the direction of his house literally over the road 'can probably see 'em pissing about with all the shit he's bought from here' because we know that's the only parenting Ian does honey] Janis: [nods because we understand this type of parenting too, even if that isn't actually all that ruster do but you know 'gonna take weeks to get rid of all the fucking wrapping paper at ours'] Jimmy: [flicks his lighter she got him on and off 'you'll have a right laugh doing that' because we know she loves the one we gave her too] Janis: ['another good idea' and going to switch out his snow pack 'is it helping a bit?'] Jimmy: ['full of 'em, me' because we can't even with people taking care of us because when does that ever happen but it is helping so we've gotta add 'but you do alright yourself an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like it's the literal least we can do 'cos we think other people would probably have something to say or whatever rn and we don't 'you had any painkillers yet?'] Jimmy: [mimes drinking but that's clearly a pisstake because you'd know if he was drunk rn and is about to say something but actually does 🥱 because hasn't had any sleep which would hurt so thank god for this snow actually working so it's bearable] Janis: [back at it with this snow pack like we're anticipating that, before rummaging round in this car looking for some pills, gonna say there's none, at least he lives more central than you gal, looking at him like hmm 'you should go lay in the back' like get comfy whilst I run to the shops 'shame Helena isn't actually a dealer, though'] Jimmy: ['bit weird if you drove all this way to watch me sleep, Joanne' but does go to get comfy because why not tbh but because he's him he's pulling her along with him like I only will if you come and lie with me 'or in the boot' imagine if she just popped up like hey LOL] Janis: ['what are you gonna do about it?' said like a usual challenge but it simply is not, speaking of the boot reaching over now she's also in the back for the obligatory random coats and picnic blankets etc so she can cover him up so he doesn't get cold whilst having to be covered in snow as well, just tucking him in and shaking our head like oh you 'so soz I didn't kidnap any bitch for you and tie her up back there'] Jimmy: [tries to start a playfight but we simply can't so we're grumpy and forlorn but we're pretending we're gutted about the lack of kidnap only and making it OTT and fake as per 'you'll have to do' and acting like we're gonna tie her up with something but snuggling into her because we are buzzing she's here in these shit times] Janis: [just snuggling for a while, trying to make him as comfortable as possible all things considered 'I've got to get some pain relief in you before you crash' and dramatically tearing yourself away like you won't be 10 minutes or so] Jimmy: [checking his imaginary watch like no no I don't have time to crash it's alright because you simply don't want her to go even though she's literally gonna be 10 minutes lol] Janis: [pouting unintentionally 'cos likewise don't really wanna leave him like you could take the car but don't wanna drive it all over this town unnecessarily like they run license plate checks often enough to not be silly with it 'I'll get drink too, if I can, if you want' like every little helps] Jimmy: [gotta just run his thumb over that pouty lip like that's not the most distracting thing ever because if we say something we'll just be like DON'T GO!! too dramatically to even pretend is fake so we can't even talk, so soz that he can't answer a question ever at the best of times but managing to get out 'if you want' as if she's the one who needs it oh jimothy] Janis: [testing you so hard right now soz gal, 'it'll keep us warm' because you have to be at least slightly suggestive back before running] Jimmy: speaking of kidnap, my sister's coming tomorrow an' all Jimmy: can chuck the 🐕 at her soon as it starts doing our heads in Janis: 👍 Janis: we won't have to do something completely 4-6 shit then and we can blame it on her on the sly Janis: sorted Jimmy: Dunno what or where they'll all be bothered about Janis: well I have been 🤔 like you said Jimmy: go on Jimmy: what's your 🥇💡? Janis: we can kick it cliche and go to the beach Janis: but not here Janis: nan and granda got a caravan in Skerries and Libi would love showing you and Bobby around no doubt Jimmy: *#goals Jimmy: if Libi's 😁 our kid will be Janis: awh Janis: thank god they don't go to our school Janis: too much competition Jimmy: he's been going on about her all day Jimmy: don't even need #s Janis: had to wrestle my phone off her 'cos she was trying to call him midway through lunch to see if he had to eat carrots too Jimmy: the answer's he don't have to eat owt he don't want, she'd have been 💔 Jimmy: just tells Ian he's allergic to whatever it is if he starts Jimmy: he'd be well good at fake dating, oscar's in the bag Janis: honestly, coming for your job at CG next Janis: when he can reach the counter Jimmy: he can have that, they've been on at me to work tomorrow Janis: seriously Janis: who needs overpriced caffeine that badly boxing day Jimmy: what dickhead needs it any day? Janis: true Janis: but especially now Jimmy: Pete needs the 💰💰 for new 🎸 strings or some bollocks, I've told him to crack on Jimmy: 😘 Janis: he'll remember you when he's made it big Jimmy: 🤞 he'll write a song about me Jimmy: you can sing it Janis: that's cruel and unusual punishment Janis: obviously want a song written about me, not to sing about you 💔 Jimmy: you'll have to earn yours an' all Jimmy: he's no slag Janis: it is easy though Jimmy: to write a song or inspire one? Janis: to inspire one Janis: even without shifts to swap Jimmy: inspire me then Jimmy: might 🖋 you one Janis: right now I'm a bit busy getting you drugs and alcohol Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: what are you gonna do let 💊 🥃 inspire me instead? Janis: Can you even write? Janis: I'll know if you cheat and let Bill's 👻 do it for you Jimmy: even the thickest northerner would know if Bill's 👻 had a go Jimmy: all his thees and thous Janis: that's how they talk in the countryside though Janis: I've been forced to read Wuthering Heights, tah Jimmy: bit rude you ain't written me a sonnet, living out there in the middle of nowt with all them fit 🐑 all about to act as a muse for you Janis: if it don't fit on a lighter, how am I gonna get you to see it? Jimmy: carve it into my 😎 Janis: a good idea 'til you're legally blind and I've got to train the dog more than sit and stay Jimmy: if anyone could though, mate Jimmy: obvs you Jimmy: train it to walk us into traffic and that's another job done Janis: nah Janis: shit way to die Janis: where's the fun in it for me? Jimmy: never said there were, it were you saying you were busy Janis: come on Janis: never too busy for you, darling Jimmy: walked into that like I were blind Janis: you are sleepy Janis: won't be too disappointed in you Jimmy: should've let you meet Ian, that's step mum talk if I've ever heard it Janis: financially ruining him with the divorce is just the tip of the iceberg of shit I'd be more than willing to do Janis: #fakedatethefakeboyfriendsrealdad? Janis: might be the logical next step Jimmy: if that's the tip, can't wait to hear what you're willing to do on the rest of that iceberg Janis: nothing if not dedicated to the cause Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: I did forget how many places would be shut though Janis: there'll be somewhere Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: come back Janis: no you need some Jimmy: I'll live Janis: how about at yours Jimmy: 💊 ✔ 🥃✔ Jimmy: not gonna get any 🏆 off Helena or her customers but Janis: yeah but, can you go in Janis: or am I Jimmy: I get it, you wanna crack on with your iceberg strategy Janis: 🛳 Jimmy: I better crack on an' all and paint you before I 🥶🌊 Janis: you better still be under those blankets Jimmy: [a picture like 👀 peeping out from those blankets] Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: come back Janis: okay Janis: but I am gonna make you feel better somehow Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: knew you couldn't resist me, Jules Janis: never said I could Janis: but you've got to resist me Jimmy: don't challenge me Jimmy: not like that Janis: Sorry Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Janis: I know, baby Janis: so devastating Jimmy: worst christmas EVER Janis: 🥺 Janis: you would feel differently if you'd picked yourself up a 🐶 Jimmy: that'd be worst christmas ever and ever amen Janis: STOP PRAYING Janis: it's so weird Jimmy: make me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: [show back up, lowkey grumpy you forgot it was Christmas day but we're happy to see him, checking he's comfortable and probably doing the snow pack again] Jimmy: [snuggle her because she must be cold and that's obvs the only reason okay] Janis: [get yourselves situated lads] Jimmy: [opening his mouth to say a million things like thanks, I missed you, I was only joking it's not the worst christmas ever but we don't know how to say any of them so we're just not] Janis: [putting your finger on his mouth like he said anything at all there 's'alright' like it so isn't for either of you rn but you're trying god bless Jimmy: [hitting her with some intense eye contact like I hope you can read my mind rn because all those things I wanna say are so important] Janis: [at least you can kiss] Jimmy: [you both very much need to, I couldn't be that evil] Janis: [or something is gonna come out here, I can't be held responsible lol] Jimmy: [literally same so shh for a bit please] Janis: [emotions are running hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh and not jus me character bleeding] Jimmy: [they are and that's why it's gonna be so fun that they get snowed in and so heartbreaking when she leaves] Janis: [oh the delicious drama] Jimmy: [speaking of leaving neither of you are gonna wanna go home even more than usual] Janis: [like you barely have to, just to make sure Cass and Bobby are ready and you've got to get Libi gal but yes, still] Jimmy: [damn you kiddos, we know they'd just go now if not for y'all] Janis: [when you can't leave your siblings, so sad, so rude] Jimmy: [literally didn't ask to be parents rn but we are out here becoming a family unit] Janis: [god bless, at least you're all gonna have a good time on this trip] Jimmy: [we'll make sure you do, lads, casual domestic bliss] Janis: [but seriously, is there anything else we dare to say or do rn before making you separate] Jimmy: [we should probably separate you but I don't want to lol] Janis: [at least you can message when you're separated so you'll have to say something and not just snugg] Jimmy: [give her your hoodie or jumper before she goes because she's sacrificed hers for you and you easily can sacrifice one of your layers because you only have to go across the road when you can bring yourself to] Janis: [cute selfie you don't need to take to prove you're still wearing it like 5 minutes later lol] Jimmy: [one back of him taking some painkillers, I imagine they're on his sticky out tongue in a sassy manner like we're calling her out for worrying about him when he's OBVS FINE but we're sending the pic actually so she won't worry because we care] Janis: take more than the recommended dose, tah Janis: but only double, no 💀 Jimmy: I get it, no self induced coma unless you're there to take advantage Janis: if Sandy ain't gonna Jimmy: how many oscars has she got? you should've have 'em off her Janis: has she got any? Janis: you're her biggest fan, you tell me Jimmy: it's you bringing her up Janis: sounds fake Jimmy: you'd know about that more than me Janis: Why would I? Jimmy: you're going for her oscars Janis: on my own Janis: I think not Jimmy: don't reckon they'll cut one in half for us Jimmy: and as long as I've got the #fans convinced I why would I need owt else? Janis: long-winded way of saying you'd be 🥈 Jimmy: what you thought I were done giving you 🎁s Janis: don't cheapen the actual gift, dickhead Janis: also if you aren't, gonna have to do the classic see-what's-lying-about-to-wrap so Jimmy: nowt cheap about 🥇 Janis: is if you reckon you're giving it me Janis: got to earn it or what's the point Jimmy: don't you reckon you have? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: what for? Janis: for our 💘story Janis: what else? Jimmy: not today I've not Janis: yeah you have Janis: anyway, no cunt works christmas Jimmy: you have 🚑 Janis: that's not 💘 Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: then you was fucked up, what am I meant to do? Janis: anyone would Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: that's what loads of people would do Janis: nah Janis: not a pussy Jimmy: 💔🧛 there weren't no 🩸 though Jimmy: next time 🤞 Janis: you might be pissing it Janis: but I'm not thrilled about that Janis: lack of a piss fetish aside Jimmy: I'll leave out the selfie one way or the other Janis: 💡 Janis: don't wanna get banned, babe Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: love a ban, me Janis: fine Janis: can you not just do an appropriately placed 🍆 sticker Jimmy: depends how massive the sticker'll go, babe Jimmy: no promises Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Jimmy: 🚫🩸🧠 Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: no need to tell the fans it's 'cause I'm pissing it out Janis: 🤫 Janis: though no need if you plan on going live next time you need a slash Jimmy: only if the 💊🥃 really inspire me Janis: 🙄 Janis: soz we're not going away on a bender Jimmy: have to rely on you for my 🎨 then Janis: nice of you not to demote me Jimmy: here Jimmy: [whatever today's doodle the final one of this advent is] Janis: it's the last one Jimmy: don't have to be Janis: you gonna keep doing it 'til 💀💔 Jimmy: why not? Janis: not very goals if you get wrist strain Jimmy: I'll spread it about it's not 🍆 related, don't worry Janis: tah Jimmy: 😘 Janis: you'll run out of ways to draw me before long Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: ✏🖌💪 Jimmy: Oi you forgot 🖋🖍 Janis: 🖋 is Bill's 🖍 is Bobby's Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you're being the hog Janis: learn to share Jimmy: gave him the last roast potato ages ago Jimmy: just the kind of brother I am 🏆 Janis: show off Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, I'd have given it you if you'd been here Janis: had a plate load myself, don't you worry Jimmy: sleep easy now, tah Janis: that makes one of us Jimmy: I get it, you're 😁 for tomorrow Jimmy: you and our kid both Janis: more like Libi won't leave me alone now for the same reason Janis: she basically does acrobatics in her sleep so that'll be well fun Jimmy: 💔 we can't chuck the two of 'em in a room in a bit and leave 'em to it Jimmy: 'cause he'll be as bad Janis: you're gonna have to sleep on his floor Janis: hard surface will help in the long run Jimmy: dunno how I'm explaining that Jimmy: 🦷🔦🦷 brb just checking for monsters mate, don't 😱😭 or owt Janis: duh, say you wanna go camping Janis: then he'll inevitably wanna join you and you can have the bed to yourself when he crashes Jimmy: make up your mind, Janet Jimmy: hard surface you said Janis: just rather you didn't get booted Janis: either or on where you end up Jimmy: weren't in my #ultimategoals Janis: obviously, I ain't there Jimmy: what you trying to make me 😭😭😭 for? Janis: not my ultimate goal either Jimmy: that'd be turning the 🚗 round Janis: 'course Janis: what could be more cinematic Jimmy: nowt, which is why I said it Janis: shame you don't write the scene directions Jimmy: yeah Janis: he's such a cockblock Jimmy: SUCH a slag for the tension Janis: bit rude 'cos he had them married, fucked and dead in the space of like 3 days in the OG Jimmy: what's he trying to say about us? the dickhead Janis: maybe he's trying to be more #relatable to a modern audience? Janis: he's seen the ❤s and the views Jimmy: next go round he'll do it so they never meet IRL Janis: 😱 oh god Janis: I'd kms immediately Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: job done in even less than 3 days Janis: at least I get to 👀 at you Janis: an actual fake boyfriend that doesn't exist is well 🎻 Jimmy: the 🎨 would be SO shite Janis: probably 'cos I'd have to do it myself Jimmy: nah 'cause I wouldn't be in it Janis: 😂 Janis: bighead strikes again Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: you never did sing to me Janis: shh Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't just sing at you Jimmy: why? Janis: 1. it'd be weird 2. contrary to popular (your) belief, I don't think I'm well mint at everything Jimmy: 1. you're making it weird 2. you never will with that attitude, dickhead Janis: 😑 Jimmy: *3. please Janis: let a good song come on the radio first Jimmy: as excuses go 🏆 Jimmy: know how you feel about interrupting Mariah Janis: [voice recording of us singing along to whatever festive song is on rn like there] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Jimmy: but none for me 'cause I never thought through how much that'd make me miss you Janis: it's hardly a lullabye but Janis: you wanted it Jimmy: dunno what's more of a pisstake 1. you not reckoning you're good at owt 2. that there's actually nowt you aren't 3. how bad I still want you here Janis: I just know what I'm good at, properly Janis: most people can sing if someone teaches you how to breathe right Janis: but the last part is mutual Jimmy: you gonna give me the bulletpoints or what? Janis: of what I'm good at? Jimmy: can't teach me to breathe properly from there, might as well Janis: I don't think nows the time for breathing exercises, like Janis: and you've seen or you'll see what I'm good at Jimmy: don't want you to crash the 🚗 girl Jimmy: why I said the breathing bit can wait Janis: 😏 Janis: but Jimmy: but Janis: I miss you Jimmy: it wasn't long enough Jimmy: tomorrow'll be Jimmy: you'll be telling me to piss off by the end Janis: maybe Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: not that being a MASSIVE dickhead is, obvs Janis: obviously Janis: but you're literally competing with children so who am I gonna get sick of faster Jimmy: goes without saying won't be the 🐕 Janis: you brought her up Jimmy: missing me less already look Janis: dickhead Janis: you bringing her then? Jimmy: 🤞 Ian'll murder her if I don't Janis: that's a yeah Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you don't want her murdered Jimmy: the blame for it, but that'll be @iantaylor8 Jimmy: chuffed to bits for him to have it Janis: maybe she'll 'run away' tomorrow then Jimmy: went to live with mum, nowt to worry about kids 👍 Janis: an update on the farm classic Jimmy: 🗨 bollocks is what he's good at Janis: not going for the easy gag of saying it's where you got it from Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: should I bring Killer? Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: not really Janis: but she'd flip shit if you brought Twix Janis: don't wanna get them on the rocks already 💔 Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave her here Janis: 👌 I'll tell her Jimmy: 👌 Janis: might have to call you up when she refuses to take my word for it Jimmy: if she has a go at me in sign she can say whatever she likes Jimmy: haven't taught her nowt that'll 💔 me Janis: we all know 💩head is pretty devastating Janis: don't need to put a brave face on Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: how many times, babe Janis: how dare I forget how special you are Jimmy: SO rude Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'll forgive you, just that kind of 🎅 Janis: the kind that misses out on an opportunity to have me make it up to you? Janis: psh Jimmy: the kind that knows you will Janis: purposely won't now Jimmy: alright, then I'll have to make you Janis: look forward to seeing you try Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: let's hope so Janis: I wanted to be nice to you but now I can't on principle Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: stop it Jimmy: when you start being nice to me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you better not lose the lighter Jimmy: 😱😱 AS IF Janis: or give it away to any fucker in the smoking area Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: that'll DEFINITELY happen Janis: 😠 Jimmy: it's not the last roast potato, you're alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: it is Jimmy: whatever you give me is safe with me Janis: alright, we did fairytale of new york last night Jimmy: weren't likely to forget how 🥇 I did the accent Janis: you don't take Irish and it shows Jimmy: said nowt about chucking that lighter at your head Janis: well I've got a full play to hit you with so think on, Shane Jimmy: stop flirting with me Janis: rude Jimmy: I'm trying to tell you I like my 🎁 dickhead Janis: so do I Jimmy: good Janis: Libi said tell Bobby to remember Snow Janis: it was a bit threatening tbh but leave that out Jimmy: forget Snow, forget this friendship, mate 👋 Janis: what can I say Janis: she's got priorities Jimmy: takes after you, gonna chuck me if I chuck this lighter Janis: least no fucker else is gonna reckon she's my kid Jimmy: they'll hear me 🗨 and reckon they're all mine Janis: the reality is they'll probably think they're yours and your sisters Janis: soz 🤢 Jimmy: grim up north Janis: not gonna make your sister buzzing for the day out so 🤫 Jimmy: not gonna add her into this 🗨 Jimmy: she might not wanna now the 🐕's not Janis: @ all of 'em Janis: cheek Jimmy: 💔 Janis: least you wanna spend time with me Janis: have to do Jimmy: you gonna be nice to me then? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: are you gonna be nice to me or what Jimmy: dunno what you mean Jimmy: never not nice to you Janis: 🤔 Janis: not really an answer, that Jimmy: be nice to me, you can have the same back Jimmy: how's that? Janis: when am I not nice to you is the question Janis: but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: see, no answer Janis: I'm too nice to you Jimmy: or I were being nice by 🔥 the receipts Janis: ha Janis: go for it, not like I'm delusional like the gals and think I'm SO lovely to EVERYONE Jimmy: should've introduced them to Ian Jimmy: that's his #vibe today Janis: long as he promises to murder them Janis: ideal Jimmy: won't be able to help himself, obvs Jimmy: they make up for not being bottle blonde by looking 45 Janis: I'll tell Grace to put the right wig on Jimmy: bit of patience 💀👑 and 💀#2's will have all fallen out Janis: less evidence clean up Janis: considerate of them Janis: really are #saints Jimmy: hang about for that tutorial, you'll be well in Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I wore something girly and I've got a man Janis: literally the requirements apparently Jimmy: soz, you're right Jimmy: I were thinking about the learning experience that is Tammy's tiktoks Janis: 😂 Janis: if you think I'm dancing for you as well Janis: another thing coming Jimmy: have to do everything myself round here Janis: you love it Jimmy: one of us has to be #goals Jimmy: if you won't, it's up to me Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Janis: you take the piss Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 🙄 Janis: not long ago you didn't like me walking, never mind 💃 Jimmy: and how mardy were you Jimmy: can't have it both ways, Jennifer Janis: you know why Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll carry you about tomorrow if you're missing it Janis: no you won't Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're gonna take it easy Jimmy: 🛏⛓'s meant to be my kink not yours Janis: s'called roleplaying Janis: try it Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: I promise you'll have a good time Jimmy: yeah? Janis: serious Jimmy: alright Jimmy: then I promise not to piss about Janis: okay Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: yeah Janis: are you Jimmy: now I've seen you Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: you and your lines Janis: make me 😳 Jimmy: Oi, I just said it weren't a line Janis: but Jimmy: you heard Janis: I wish I could've stayed Jimmy: do the counting for us Jimmy: til we can go Janis: I'm on it Janis: 🖕✌🤟 Jimmy: that were it Janis: well smart, like Janis: not to brag Jimmy: won't start you a # if you don't want Jimmy: I get it, loads of pressure Janis: what girl don't want a # for Christmas? Janis: #sospoilt Jimmy: [obvs does give her complimentary #s enjoy that the fans] Janis: [flirt on those socials 'cos we don't know what to really say atm] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be fake and extra because the feels are high rn] Janis: [you simply must lads, also hint about this trip like you've had it planned forever] Jimmy: [just wait for how romantic and #goals we can make it when we're snowed in lads, little do you know] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [thank god we have this flirting sesh because I've had to tone what I was gonna say down so many times lol like not yet boy] Janis: [a hard same] Janis: fake you is fun Jimmy: 🤏 of a twat, I get why you like him Janis: give him my number, yeah Jimmy: didn't sound like you were shy around him, reckon you can do that yourself Janis: reckon he'll be well about me making you do it though so Janis: tah Jimmy: massive twat were what I meant to call him Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know how Bill's 👻 feels about a love triangle Janis: technically a love square but fuck fake me Janis: no one is here for her Jimmy: bit rude to the fans Janis: she's just a boring version of me Janis: deny it Jimmy: never said I was one of her fans Janis: 😱 Janis: *sends screenshot* Jimmy: *backtracks so hard I need more 💊s to sort me out but it's alright there's nowt more goals than a lad with no spine* Janis: we 👏 love 👏 a 👏 doormat 👏 Jimmy: works for mates an' all, dunno why I were acting like I were special there Janis: fake you is well special Janis: #facts Jimmy: 😇 him Janis: gotta be a reason the DMs are so full Jimmy: there's LOADS Jimmy: could go on and on Janis: 🤤 Janis: don't let me stop you Jimmy: he is, well humble that lad Janis: SO shy Janis: scaring him with my thirst Jimmy: bit awkward but can't help it you Janis: it's cool, I can pretend I'm shy too Janis: what's more goals than pretending you have a totally different personality to catch you a man Jimmy: duh Janis: you'd know all about that 😎🚬 Jimmy: I've had a girlfriend, yeah Janis: 💔 Janis: what she pretend to be then? Jimmy: a lass who weren't a total nightmare Janis: if you're gonna pretend to be anything Janis: fairplay Jimmy: did work for a bit, give her that Janis: not the first or last to fall for it Jimmy: obvs Janis: just saying Jimmy: weren't saying you should shut up Janis: well Janis: no need to chat about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: wasn't what I mean anyway, for starters Jimmy: you meant I weren't 😎🚬 which for starters is bollocks Janis: okay 🤓 Jimmy: you Janis: Hardly Jimmy: more chance that you're a 🤓 than me Jimmy: and loads more receipts Janis: is there fuck Jimmy: deny it all you like, girl Jimmy: I can't even read Janis: ~express~ yourself in other ways don't you Janis: I don't Jimmy: bollocks do you not Janis: only when you force me to sing Jimmy: didn't take much 🥊 Janet Jimmy: barely twisted owt of yours Janis: 'cos you couldn't, soft boy Janis: be embarrassing to watch you try Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you'd be 😳 but we both know why Janis: not what we're talking about Jimmy: is it not? Janis: you know it's not Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: never said you weren't good at that Jimmy: I'm just saying you express yourself in as many different ways as me Janis: that's just Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤷🤐 Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Janis: that's just between you and me, is what I was going to say Jimmy: weren't gonna send a tweet, you're alright Janis: shut up Jimmy: that's just between me and everyone else Janis: something like that Jimmy: that's exactly what it's like Jimmy: I've got nowt to say to any of them Janis: Me either Janis: never have, really Jimmy: I like talking to you Jimmy: don't matter what about Janis: it's alright, ain't it Jimmy: that a question or what? Janis: we're mates? Janis: that's a question for you Jimmy: do you wanna be mates? Janis: we act like it Janis: don't we Jimmy: not what I asked but Janis: yeah but you always ask questions never answer so I'm allowed to as well Janis: don't you think we do? Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about, I answer questions Janis: 😂 Janis: you don't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: go on then Janis: answer my question Janis: without asking one Jimmy: hang on, which one, are we mates or do we act like it? Janis: can you manage 2? Janis: since you do it all the time, shouldn't be a struggle Jimmy: there's nowt I can't handle, dickhead Janis: ... Janis: I'm waiting Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: dunno why I wanna be mates with you Janis: Charming as that is Janis: still counts as an answer, so I'll take it Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: I dunno what's more charming than I don't like talking to anybody but you Jimmy: or why you'd reckon I'd say that but not wanna be mates Janis: well you're confusing and I'm thick too sometimes Jimmy: you alright now? Jimmy: 'cause having to play 20 questions would be taking the piss a bit Janis: you don't take the piss and we will be fine Jimmy: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: I can ask a mate if they're alright, can't I? Janis: you're making me sound like I'm well high maintenance and hysterical Jimmy: how am I? Janis: acting like I asked you 1000s instead of 2 Janis: but I am fine, despite you being a bit of a dickhead Jimmy: just said playing the games would be a pisstake when you ain't even sleeping over, nowt else Janis: that mean no midnight snacks? 💔 Jimmy: 😱😱 no Janis: we've made such a mistake Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: quick, pop on a romcom Jimmy: rather you popped back in the 🚗 Janis: me too Janis: can't really head off in the dead of night or it will be obvious it's a kidnapping Jimmy: we'll go back for her in a bit, I'll live Janis: I could come back Janis: what about if your brother wakes up though Janis: you can't kip in the 🚗 Jimmy: *should Jimmy: I'll let you in Janis: yeah? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you gonna wait for everyone to be 😴 or what? Jimmy: I can't have your fit nan fuming at me Janis: for starters, ugh Janis: but I can just come back over Janis: though I probably should give them some ~quality family time~ before I do, keep them somewhat on side Jimmy: I don't care if you don't Jimmy: but if Libi wanted some bollocks from home that meant we needed to pick her up from there it'd be a top idea for you to stay here and a 🥇💡 for you to spread that about Janis: 😈 Janis: I knew I kept you around for a reason Jimmy: bit late to kidnap Star and chuck her back at your nans, she's too high profile now, every dickhead has seen her Janis: you are to blame for that bit Janis: but that's easy Janis: kids are idiots, or suggestible, if you wanna be nice about it Janis: I'll make her remember something she absolutely NEEDS Jimmy: you're not as thick as I look Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you aren't either but I won't spread that about Janis: reputation and everything Jimmy: gotta stay #relatable to the fans, babe Janis: #attainable some would say Jimmy: they can have the cancer I've got coming my way if they're that bothered Jimmy: not having you off me though Janis: I don't want nobody else Jimmy: none of them dickheads are good enough for you Janis: I don't care about that Janis: I just want you Jimmy: have me then Jimmy: I'm doing nowt but waiting here Janis: it's well inconvenient that I keep remembering you're hurt Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: don't worry, there's plenty we can do without injuring you further Janis: and I won't make any jokes about stamina Jimmy: don't YOU worry Jimmy: you heard, I'm alright Jimmy: nowt I can't handle, I said Janis: alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: ❌ Janis: just trying to help, not overreact though so yeah Janis: ✔ Jimmy: you did help Jimmy: tah for that, I should've 🗨 Janis: nah Janis: it's nothing Jimmy: not nowt to me Janis: whatever kind of dickhead you are Janis: no call for that Jimmy: it were my own fault, no denying that Janis: still Jimmy: you're a top mate on the first day of being one Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: the fact neither of us has got any others right now is really showing Janis: but fuck it Jimmy: I don't want any others Janis: me neither Janis: load of cunts Jimmy: up north, here and wherever else Ian tries to drag me next Janis: you wanna be penpals, yeah Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Jimmy: and 😭 obvs Jimmy: sweat's more your shout, being SUCH an athlete Janis: I'll send you some 🧦 Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: maybe I should charge, you're right Jimmy: got in there just in time for mates rates Janis: lucky you Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 is right Janis: you're ridiculous Jimmy: what so you don't want my 💌? Janis: you ain't gonna write to me Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't, Jasmine Jimmy: I'll send you daily 🎨 Janis: why are we talking about this? Jimmy: you asked Janis: oh so now you can't stop with your answers Jimmy: make up your mind, my dear Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: better Janis: if we're gonna talk about anything, let's talk about now Jimmy: alright Janis: well, more specifically, in a bit, when I'll be there Jimmy: go on then Janis: what? Jimmy: 🗨 something Jimmy: that'd be how a conversation works Janis: ugh Janis: just Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: it feels like ages since you were here Janis: I know Janis: but I don't know why Janis: it always feels like that Jimmy: I think you answered it when you said you wanna see me Janis: yeah Janis: no lie Jimmy: I get it, you know Janis: yeah, you aren't that good an actor Janis: I can tell Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I mean, I asked for this when I picked you, but I didn't ask for this Janis: what's that supposed to mean? Jimmy: what I said Jimmy: it ain't always piss easy being in over my massive head, even if I manage to make it look it Janis: you ain't Janis: the plans going exactly to plan Janis: this is just Janis: fun, yeah Jimmy: dunno how pissed I were when I last said it but you are that, and do make owt less shit Janis: you too Janis: so let's keep doing it Jimmy: I weren't saying I don't wanna Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm coming over for a reason Jimmy: alright, don't take the piss Jimmy: I had a point somewhere, I just dunno what it were Janis: I ain't Janis: you're cute Jimmy: that sounds well pisstakey, girl Janis: but you are Janis: and I like you as a mate Janis: but no shit I wanna fuck you too Jimmy: gutted you don't wanna write to me, you're actually really good with words Janis: a pisstake Janis: but warranted Jimmy: I mean it, it were like you read my mind then and 🖋 it down Janis: as long as we're on the same 📑 I don't give a fuck how stupid it sounds Jimmy: about how cute I am? OBVS Janis: deal with it nerd Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: long as you keep it between us, call me what you like Janis: I wouldn't give me free rein like that Jimmy: as challenges go, I've accepted worse Janis: 😏 Janis: won't be calling you nothing though, gotta be well 🤫 ain't we Jimmy: whisper to me then Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you're alright, I won't make you promise Janis: I don't really wanna get kicked out Janis: and whispering leads too easily into Janis: more Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and no other dickhead can Janis: be mildly amusing 'cos he don't know I'd just be going to sleep in his car but Jimmy: you'll be staying here, he's still being fake nice to me Janis: weird Jimmy: might be if I didn't know exactly why Janis: ? Janis: or is a stupid question Jimmy: he weren't visited by any 👻s if that's what you're asking Jimmy: have to keep his guilty conscience and pending sexual harassments rolling onto the new year Janis: Good to know that treatment is exclusively for bosses who don't pay enough or give Christmas eve off Janis: Soz to all the Sharons, you're gonna have to keep on grinning and bearing it, babe Janis: trust him to be the 'cries when he's finished' cliche Janis: cunt Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: but Sharon can come for your oscar and man tomorrow when she's got him and the place all to herself so she'll be chuffed to bits if no other other dickhead is Janis: 😬 Janis: gutted to be doing him any kind of favour, obvs Jimmy: leaving the 🐕 will 💔 them Janis: nothing like dog shit to ruin the mood Jimmy: or piss or 😭 Janis: she will be devvo if she ain't invited to join in Jimmy: 🤞 she'll be gutted enough to piss off Janis: you're so rude Janis: piss off and find you, you blatantly mean Jimmy: if that were my type I wouldn't have been after rescuing at the pub Janis: are we talking about Sharon or the dog? Jimmy: either or Jimmy: both a bit easy going with their 👅 Janis: and neither cuts their own fringe so what's the point eh Jimmy: exactly Janis: 🤓🎨😍 Jimmy: won't catch either of them in overalls that's OBVS me out Janis: 😂 don't Jimmy: them lasses probably would have a go at 🚬 with a 🖍 Janis: your brother is already cooler than you, I'd keep it quiet Jimmy: you're right, they'd kidnap him Jimmy: which is only #goals when I go on about it Janis: that's dubious at best but sure Jimmy: 😏 Janis: if you ever offered to kidnap me, maybe Janis: the 💘 is 💀 Jimmy: you come too willingly, nowt I can do about that Janis: rude Janis: try making me not wanna Jimmy: you're already on your way here or will be in a bit Jimmy: picked the wrong day to play hard to get Janis: plenty of time to turn around Jimmy: don't mean I wanna give you loads of chances Janis: fair, calling me easy again was a bold enough choice to count for multiple goes Jimmy: only compliment you've ever taken to 💘 Janis: ha Jimmy: any time you'd rather I go on about what hard work you are Jimmy: just say Janis: you poor #lads just can't win, is that what you're saying? Jimmy: it'll do Janis: 😏 Janis: just know what to say and exactly when to say it, christ Janis: not hard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: real lads do have the shitty end of the deal, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't know Jimmy: only a fake lad Janis: right Janis: got the little shorts and hat and everything Janis: cute Jimmy: what? Janis: Pinocchio Janis: the look Jimmy: Dunno him or where he gets his ootds Janis: oh Janis: awkward this isn't a homage Jimmy: bit awkward for you that he ain't my mate 'cause his dad is just your type 👴💕 Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: we're all 💔 I don't have #lads to go to the pub with Janis: you ain't Janis: last time I brought it up you made that clear Jimmy: that'll by why I were in character 🤥 for you Jimmy: nowt if not supportive of your kinks, me Janis: 😱 Janis: can't believe you don't respect how important the #gurlgang is Jimmy: you can be 😱 after you've respected the 🤥📏 tah Janis: you and size Jimmy: doing you a MASSIVE favour is just the kind of lad I am Janis: wow, so thankful Jimmy: 🎁's just keep coming Jimmy: 💘'll never 💀💀💀 while I'm offering my face as a seat Janis: you might suffocate though Janis: 😳 Jimmy: top of my list for how I wanna 💀💀💀 now Jimmy: gutted I never thought of it sooner Janis: easily done Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't ✔ like that's not a mental image that could make me crash, dickhead Jimmy: it were you who were going on about turning the car round and that like that weren't gonna make me say owt I could so you wouldn't Janis: as if I was going to Jimmy: now you won't Janis: I wasn't going to Janis: but any chance to 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: any chance to let you Janis: nothing more 💘 than that Jimmy: is that a challenge or what? Janis: you want it to be? Jimmy: do you want it to be? Janis: in what world am I going to say no? Jimmy: dunno, might be a world where you don't want your big head setting off the airbag Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: [🔥🔥 sext obvs like any chance to also kill you] Janis: I Jimmy: you Janis: no, you Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: it feels like yours Jimmy: not to me Janis: I'm alright taking the blame for how you feel Jimmy: you can handle that an' all, yeah? Janis: you don't think I can? Jimmy: never said that Janis: Good Janis: because I can and I want to Jimmy: take it then Janis: [show up gal] Janis: I'm here Jimmy: [let her in and do that trope where you just kiss her immediately and against the door when you've closed it and while you're taking off her coat] Janis: [such a romcom forever] Jimmy: [can't and won't ever resist] Janis: [we're here for it shameless rn] Jimmy: [the question is are we saying that everyone is still up and about rn or are they asleep?] Janis: [hmm 'cos either is viable depends what vibe we want to achieve here] Jimmy: [yeah and there are pros and cons to either] Janis: [it'd be rude but potentially plot-driving/fun to have her first interaction with Ian because she hasn't yet] Jimmy: [bonus points if he's like asleep on the sofa or something because what a christmas mood and they wake him up either deliberately or accidentally] Janis: [what a dad, too full and drunk] Jimmy: [literally too perfect of a cliche not to take advantage of] Janis: [you're probably not gonna want to on purpose rn because we're in a #mood but Cass should blatantly still be up even if Bobby ain't and be like DAD JIMMYS GF IS HERE 'cos lord knows she's bored rn] Jimmy: [JJ just trying to have their makeout sesh, but I'll forgive you Cass we know you're upset because your mum isn't here and you know Jimothy and Ian have brawled because even if you didn't hear or witness it that's the only time Ian is ever nice to him so] Janis: [and you're 12 so 'nuff said on all counts] Jimmy: [mhmm, soz you gotta deal with Ian's fake niceness though Janis because that's not a mood] Janis: [ew, at least shit nan is honest is nothing else, lmao, just trying to take Jimmy's lead of the vibe he wants like are we being rude or fake nice back or what 'cos nothing in it for you beyond helping him out so] Jimmy: [would not have the strength to be fake nice to you if Bobby is not around rn because only doing it ever for his sake so have fun trying to keep it up Ian when we're just getting the bae a drink from your stash and doing our best to leave you unacknowledged like we're the deaf one] Janis: [at least we can be our usual charming selves then] Jimmy: [like we can't be rude enough he'll say you can't take the kids with you tomorrow hence we're just not saying anything because temptation to just tell him to fuck off always] Janis: [just some sly shade, easily done, also I hope you didn't come looking like a hoe 'cos assumptions that are lowkey a bit racial already being made without doing that] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't gonna like you no matter what gal, we'll get out of there as soon as we can honestly] Janis: [how dare you, but no, we would not want you to like us, we know your game hun] Jimmy: [it'll be fun af when we lowkey move you in and it's just 24/7 piss off Ian time] Jimmy: [but for now take the bottle and run lads] Janis: [soz that didn't work Cass but you know] Jimmy: [Jimothy needs this rn, soz you don't have your bf yet but you'll understand when you do] Janis: [you'll get your whole squad soon] Jimmy: [we'll all be living our best lives but for now we're just trying to survive the festive season so] Jimmy: [it makes me happy to know that Janis' arrival will have wound Twix up so you won't be able to just go back to sleep Ian] Janis: [go take that poor dog for a piss sir] Jimmy: [because we are not doing it, we're going upstairs good day] Janis: [buh-bye] Jimmy: [boy just downing however much drink was in his glass as he goes cos fml and also we've spent an age pretending we're not physically hurting which is not a mood either] Janis: [actually needed, so you can't say nothing Ian] Jimmy: [hopefully you left all your presents downstairs cos your room isn't very big and we don't need them everywhere] Janis: [and Bobby is in his bed, we gotta lay that boy down like get comfy] Jimmy: [the biggest sigh in the world, imagine] Janis: [copying him but laying down next to him carefully so we don't squash him] Jimmy: [going to write on her but we don't know what to say so we're just 👀] Janis: [doing an impression of nice Ian to try and make him lol Jimmy: [you know it's spot on but that just reminds him what a dick Ian is so we just shake our head like ffs but obvs not at you gal] Janis: [yeah, mistake to make hen but we don't know what to do, little horizontal feelsy lean like !!!] Jimmy: [we're doing it back even if it hurts because we don't care, the feelsy lean is sacred] Janis: ['he's such a twat' the reassurance he doesn't need but we're saying it so seriously] Jimmy: [can't help genuinely smiling because you know Ian is the kind of person who everyone thinks is just such a standard dad and we obvs didn't think the bae would fall for it but there's always gonna be a part of us thinking he's right and we're wrong so the relief] Janis: [we all know the kind, just parenting you, psh, but we smiling back 'cos love to see it] Jimmy: [😍 because she's cute and we're in love] Janis: [gotta kiss him soft] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be soft because we know you both like it] Janis: [a good excuse because we are not trying to injure you boy forreal, but the restraint is a killer lmao] Jimmy: [the perfect excuse for you to show her how good you are with your hands even if you don't remember/are pretending you don't remember that bit of the drunken christmas eve convo because you can keep your distance a lil bit more but still kill her] Janis: [enjoy trying not to die gal, 'cos whilst making Ian overhear you is funny, waking the kid is not so shh] Jimmy: [at least he's deaf so you've got less chance than if you were at mcvickers house and Libi was just like oh hey, speaking of the caravan when you're snowed in is gonna be hilarious casually no privacy ever] Janis: [that's true, how do you wake up a deaf person except for rudely shaking them like HELLO also how do they know when there's a fire/any other kind of alarm, questions I have but are not entirely relevant rn, won't make Cass hate us that much already lmao, 'cos honestly, need an ally in you when Skerries alone] Jimmy: [I've seen vibrating ones that they can like put under their pillow and shit which is slightly less rude than just being like OI but yeah, we can win Cass over during this unexpectedly longer trip than we thought we'd be on] Jimmy: [but for now have a drink and recover gal] Janis: [a good idea, ang would like that] Janis: [lowkey pouty like you can't immediately return the favour but you simply cannot soz] Jimmy: [doing the pouty lip bite thing won't help but we simply must nevertheless] Janis: ['that's illegal'] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we're pretending doesn't hurt because we're fine] Janis: [obviously we notice 'cos in what world aren't we 'should really bandage you up' and looking like do you have any in or do we need to get that tomorrow] Jimmy: [🤨 because it's such a foreign concept that anyone actually cares about us that we can't hide our genuine surprise/confusion and then we have to go look because we're like this is awkward how dare she care about me, let's say there is so you can chuck them at her] Janis: ['that's what you need to do' like he's just thinking it's bullshit advice, unravel some of that bandage after it's thrown at you 'it'll heal faster' and gesturing for him to take his top off 'can be a mummy for a bit, ghost boy'] Jimmy: [obvs gonna throw his top at her as well because always] Janis: [pretending it's so gross like ew] Jimmy: [equally as obvs then getting all up in her grill like if you thought that was gross you'll HATE this] Janis: [the pretence of being #horrified is so thinly veiled, but focus gal, gotta bandage him up as tightly as you can so it's more comfortable for him, the casual intimacy, bye, pretend we do not notice] Jimmy: [what a mcvickers-esque moment] Janis: [truly] Jimmy: [do a ✔ on her in the same place as the bandage is like okay job done and because you do feel better for it and most importantly just shamelessly wanna touch her bare skin whenever we can] Janis: [dramatically stop breathing for a sec 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [kiss her as dramatically to show her you can without it hurting as much as it did before] Janis: [can't even fake mad about it] Jimmy: [interrupt this makeout sesh for long enough to casually pour some of whatever this bottle is into her mouth because it's always a saucy mood and she has earned it by nursing you back to health] Janis: [too much of a mood frankly we're so about it, also nice throwback to literally last night what is time] Jimmy: [gonna have to let y'all hook up because this boy has no chill but just be really careful please] Janis: [just let him lead and you should be fine] Jimmy: [gotta be soft so that's a whole new mood in itself because you have not yet] Janis: [feeding him drink in the same manner after but that likewise feels really soft 'cos basically doing it like it's medicine at this point like you gotta, then removing whatever clothes you got left on to get in bed] Jimmy: [shameless snuggling will ensue because we will play tetris if needs be until we find a position that's comfortable for you both to be in] Janis: [drawing the ✔ on him when we're settled but also a ❓] Jimmy: [taking her hand and turning it into a 👍 and then giving it a lil thank you squeeze before adding his own ? to ask if she's alright too] Janis: [snuggling down as a response] Jimmy: [a happy sigh compared to the dramatic one earlier] Janis: ['Jimmy-' but stopping 'cos don't know what you think you're gonna say hen] Jimmy: [the softest 'what?' ever] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING for a hot sec 'merry christmas'] Jimmy: [obvs we're saying it back even though we know that's not what she was gonna say] Janis: [you better stop] Jimmy: [will draw 😁 on you is it a pisstake/ are we this buzzing that the bae is here and tomorrow we can leave/do we wanna just touch her always/is it all of these] Janis: [gonna say we got lost on that one so we're just like what are you talking about boy/tickled like oi] Jimmy: [doing it again more slowly and deliberately so it'll tickle more and she might get it so we don't have to do it with our face if she doesn't lol] Janis: [just loling like staph 'I'm either gonna fall out or fuck you up here' but not mad, obvs] Jimmy: [hold onto her so she can't fall out and that's ofc the only reason] Janis: [random but have we ever said whether the caravan is 2 or 3 bedrooms?] Jimmy: [I don't think we've ever specified but I assume it's on the bigger side because mcvickers own it and all the fam ever] Janis: [let's go with 3 then, a double and 2 singles, makes sense, usually have a way to make beds in the lounge too] Jimmy: [I'll try and remember that for all the other people and gens it affects lol] Janis: [write that down boo lol]

[aceofwhump]

Okay I think enough time has passed that I can post this now. Here are my thoughts on Outlander 5x08

MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!!!

LIKE A LOT

I SPOIL SO MANY THINGS SO PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED!!

So I am both disappointed by and incredibly happy with Outlander 5x08. Mostly pretty happy. It’s a weird contradiction but I'll try to explain.

The Disappointments:

We only got like a minute of them saving Roger and that was it. PLUS it was told via silent film style. Which mean it was quick, in black and white, and SILENT. 

I’m so utterly pissed off over the fact that they included my favorite Jamie/Roger line BUT IT WAS SILENT!!! Jamie told Roger, with a hand over his heart, “You’re alive. You’re whole. All is well” BUT IT WAS SILENT! I DIDN’T GET TO HEAR JAMIE SAY IT TO HIM!!!! I’M SO MAD ABOUT THAT!!! I WANTED TO HEAR IT SAID OUT LOUD SO BADLY!! I LOVE THAT LINE!!!!

I also really wanted to see the life saving surgery Claire performs on Roger and it was all shown via silent film style and I did not like that at all. I feel like it really took me away from the moment and as a whump lover I desperately wanted to see this moment in all of its brutal glory.

We didn’t see any of the 3 months of recovery!!!!!! Absolutely none of it!!! Not one second!!! I'm SO pissed!!!

Honestly that was pretty much it. I was so severely disappointed as a whump fan that those scenes didn’t happen and that we cut straight to 3 months later. So fucking pissed we never saw Claire take care of him or how afraid Bree was to leave his side for fear he’d die. That we never saw Roger want to tell them what happened to him but be unable to because of his voice and his hands. Jamie talking to him or how his words were an anchor for him when he woke up. I’m so mad we got none of that. UGH!

Oh I with there had been more moments with him and Jemmy because the book had Jemmy has a big reason why he works on his voice and begins to heal and in this episode Jemmy was kinda nothing to him.

The Happy:

This episode was entirely focused on Roger!!!!! I was so worried it wouldn't be because his story is often set aside for other stupid things but this episode was all Roger baby!!! THE FOCUS WAS ON ROGER FOR A MAJORITY IF NOT ALL OF THE EPISODE!!!!!!!! That’s what he deserved and I am beyond thrilled about it!!! 

Roger teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE SAW OXFORD PROFESSOR ROGER WAKEFIELD AND I DIED!!! He’s an amazing teacher and I loved seeing him as a professor.

Richard Rankin portrayed Roger’s trauma and ptsd so incredibly perfect I have no words. The way that man is able to portray Roger’s fear, sadness, loneliness, and despair without saying a single word is a true testament to his acting abilities. His eyes spoke volumes

I got so emotional every time we saw Roger alone because that’s how he feels. He’s lost and scared and alone and I just wanted to hug him. I think the most poignant moment for this, for me was the dinner scene where there was an empty chair, Roger being conspicuously absent during that scene only for us to see that he's actually alone in the cabin trying to sing again and having flashbacks. It's so freaking heartbreaking!!!

Each flashback Roger had throughout the episode. I loved that not only were these moments throughout the whole episode but they were shown through Roger's eyes. I loved that the feel of the burlap bag sent him into a ptsd induced flashback, how Marsali kept pulling the Hanged Man card for his tarot reading and it gave him flashbacks, the nightmare and the flashback he had by the cliff. All so emotional and all wonderfully showed how deeply scarred Roger is by this trauma.

Roger crying. Look I love whump and emotional whump is my favorite thing in the world so every time Roger let some tears loose I loved it. When he cried hearing Brianna sing Clementine to Jemmy and then when he let one tear drop while Bree told him to fight I LOST IT OKAY I LOST IT AND I CRIED BOTH TIMES RIGHT WITH HIM

The astrolabe. I absolutely loved how it was included in the episode and how Ian used it to calm Roger after he had a nightmare. Amazing. "Wherever you thought you were, we're both still here" UGH MY HEART

Lord John Grey and Bree. I love their friendship and how at ease they are with each other and their scene was so cute and perfect. 

IAN! YOUNG IAN IS BACK AND I LOVE YOUNG IAN AND HE WAS SO GOOD IN THIS EPISODE

The scene of Marsali playing with the tarot cards with Roger was cute until it was sad. I thought it was cute that she was taking time out of her day to sit with Roger and play cards with him and just be with him. She thought about how alone he must be and decided to keep him company. And then it all went to shit when she pulled the Hanged Man card twice and Roger had a flashback and then I cried a lot. 

The paper airplane. That was a wonderful way for Bree to connect with Roger. It wasn’t demanding or aggressive. It was sweet and open and full of meaning for him. I loved it.

Claire worrying that Roger plans on killing himself and voicing those concerns to Jamie. Any time we get Claire worrying about Roger makes me happy and now we got Jamie worried too and yes! LOVE IT! 

This episode was a great discussion of how Bree and Jamie and Roger all deal/dealt with trauma differently. Jamie got lost for a while like Roger. Brianna had to fight and act normal and be normal. Roger is lost and broken. People respond to trauma differently. 

Sophie’s singing!! She sings so beautifully! It was so nice to see her singing to Jemmy but then I got sad because Roger could hear it and he started fucking sobbing because he’ll never be able to sing to his son again and I thought about the promise he made and now i’m gonna cry

The moment when Roger returns from the surveying trip and finally speaks to Bree and tells her what he’s been going through. God it was hard to watch but so so good!!

Honestly the whole trip with Ian to survey the land was perfection. 

THE END CREDITS!! ROGER/RIK AND BREE/SOPHIE SINGING CLEMENTINE TOGETHER!! PERFECTION

I liked that this episode really showed how Roger’s voice is his identity, his strength, and how lost and afraid he is without it. This whole season has been trying to show how Roger fights not with his hands or with a weapon but with his words. He talks to people, he sings to them and we’ve seen the effect it has. Without his voice Roger is utterly lost. His whole identity is shaken and hes afraid. What will he do now?

Was Disappointed by At First but Came To Love by the End:

The silent film flashbacks.

I'm really very conflicted about the flashbacks. I hate it because it took away from my whump but I also thought, by the end, that it was the PERFECT way to show Roger's flashback episodes because when you have a trauma related flashback like that it really can be just specific scenes playing over and over in your mind. And for Roger this is just how it happens. Silent, jarring, and disjointed. Silent film style was kind of the perfect way to encapsulate that feeling inside of Roger for the audience. 

As I thought on it more and more I think showing it to us only as silent film only to show the whole hanging scene in all of its technicolor glory was fucking brilliant because not only were the silent film parts showing us how its seen in Rogers head but when we see it in full is the moment Roger is able to take a step forward in his recovery. He sees it all clearly for the first time and is able to accept it and begin to move forward and I think that amazing. 

So even though I still wish the saving wasn't in b&w silent film style I do love the use of it throughout the rest of the episode. They could have done the Claire surgery part in normal and throw in the silent film flashbacks between moments and the continue to use it for the rest of the episode like they did. It would have made Roger seem to be coming in and out if consciousness, seeing his hanging and then jumping into the tracheotomy and back to silent film hanging and then bam its Brianna whispering for him to open his eyes then bam hanging silent film and zap Jamie is speaking and end with a fade out and then fade into the 3 months later. That's how I'd have done it i guess. 

The changing of the first time Roger speak

I was so pissed that they didn’t have Roger say Brianna’s name after he shouted at Jemmy to not touch the hot stove but it made the moment when he does say her name after returning from the surveying trip so much sweeter. And at the time, he was still really broken and scared to speak so saying her name at the time wouldn’t have been right. I liked that even though he said something he was still broken and not ready. It was the right time for it in the books but not for this episode.

Ian coming back early

I had a feeling Ian was returning when I saw that promo pic of Claire and Jamie smiling with Jemmy and I was soooooooo worried he was going to overshadow Roger but he didn’t! Even when he arrived and killed the boar I was like oh god was that all of Roger we're gonna see now that hes back!? But that didnt happen at all!! In fact, they were great parallels to each other and helped each other heal in a way that was so much better than the book. And I loved that Roger was the first to hug Ian and he tried to thank him and speak but couldn’t and sort of ran away. It was great. the actors worked so well together

Roger's surveying trip

I was mad at first that they shoved Ian in with Roger on his what is supposed to be a personal healing journey because I was worried this would take away from how healing this job becomes for him. He uses this surveying job to find his way again and I didn’t want putting Ian with him to disrupt that. Roger’s story hasn’t been treated well so I get worried a lot that his time is gonna be taken by someone else. But this was an amazing idea and the whole trip was remarkably better than the books. I hated the whole fire and seeing Fanny Beardsley thing that went on in the books so I’m very glad it happened like this. This was way better. Ian and Roger were able to help each other and I loved that Ian was kind of looking after Roger during the trip. I wonder if Jamie or Claire asked him to do that. It must have been really hard to film those scene with only Ian being able to talk but the two of them were amazing together. I loved it.

So even though I didn’t get a lot of what I wanted to see I think I'm really happy with this episode. We got some incredible ptsd related emotional whump from Roger, everyone worrying about and trying to help him, and Richard is so amazing I think I can be okay with not seeing some of those book scenes I wanted to see. Still gonna be disappointed by it cause that's quality whump I not getting but god this episode was so damn good it's okay. I love the changes they made and the acting was phenomenal. There were some really heartbreaking moments and I love it. Really, it was a great episode. 

[nocturnalazure]

Characters I would kiss

Tagged by the delicious @eternal-infamy, thank you for the tag!

So let me explain a few things first. I almost never have had crushes on actors. All I see on screen is the character the actor portrays, and then I see a heavily made up human being whom I don’t know personally. I am totally able to like the character, or to appreciate the actor’s performance. But it doesn’t make my heart go boom, you know? (Leonardo being the exception that proves the rule)

When I was a teen, I used to crush on a lot of characters from books, manga or video games. I won’t even go there because it’s highly embarrassing. Actually, fanart would be closer to my fantasized version of those characters than the actual character itself. Anyway, I’ve kind of grown out of this. 

Which absolutely doesn’t mean that I’m no longer able to go crazy about a character. But it’s not necessarily because I want to kiss them. It would simply be a character I’m super invested in.

So I gave that tag a lot of thought as you can see. And I came up with a weird notion. During the past few years of storytelling, I’ve become so immersed in TS3 that I’ve come to define beauty through those particular standards. TS3 aesthetics has become my funny way of measuring attractiveness. Told you it was weird. I actually think I would be able to provide a list of 7 TS3 characters (from other people) that make me go weak in the knee section.

Why 7? Because @eternal-infamy​ did 7. :p 

Also, you might notice I have a thing for dark-haired bad boys.

Sorry about the pics I chose, they might not be the best and I suck at resizing...

In no particular order:

@omgdoubleume​‘s Nathaniel

His name is Nathaniel. That only attracted my attention. Despite being a vampire, he’s so nice and thoughtful. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to kiss those red lips?!

@kaleekalo​‘s Ian Pesce

Yes, yes. That infatuation is still very much alive. I’m still waiting to know what happened to him!!!

@simcatcher​‘s Belcher

He stole my heart piece after piece, completely outshining all of the author’s other intricate and intriguing characters. Then he chewed it up and spit it out.

@shhhushhh​‘s Mario Giocatore

Mimo’s mine, okay? Shhhushhh, you are authorized to make him leave right at this point in the story but he must come back. This is not a suggestion.

@eternal-infamy​‘s Mel

The most beautiful tortured soul that ever existed under the sun (or out of it, since I don’t think he enjoys it a lot). Every time there’s a new pic of him, I stare at it for a whole minute.

@jepensedoncjesims​‘ Trent Mason

For me, it will always be Trent. Well before the Beast (who admittedly almost deserves a space here). But I want to be his friend first. He is that type of man.

@treason-and-plot​‘s Joël

He’s the voice of reason. He is so gentle and considerate and he makes me laugh and... have you seen those abs? Not to mention his swallow tattoos.

Not tagging because I did my own twist, but feel free to steal if you like the idea!

Edit: I wanted to add Adrian from the late thepathofnevermore but I’m not even sure she lurks on Tumblr anymore (;_;). Then I thought about including Asmo by @in-sempiternam​ because he’s just gorgeous. And then I looked at his bio and was a bit spooked out about the whole kissing him thing! :D I think I’ll just admire him from a distance! :D

[seven-oomen]

I’m sorry you’re still feeling exhausted.  I hope work wasn’t too terrible today, and that the weekend lets you rest up a bit (if you get normal weekends.  working in retail I try not to assume.)  Also, this is likely to just be a short(-ish) collection of unconnected musings, but I felt like sharing them anyway, and really you should be used to that from me at this point.  XD  So, first off that tree painting is GORGEOUS.  I mean, I tend to be kinda partial to that whole tree silhouette type aesthetic, so I’m probably slightly biased.  But still.  (And the background shading… <3 )  Also, ngl, the backlit keyboard keeps making me think of that video of Henry Cavill assembling his new computer that’s making the rounds.  That is not meant as a complaint of any sort, mind you, merely an observation.

Speaking of hot scruffy dudes who are actually massive dorks, did you SEE Ian’s most recent Insta pic?!  (the non-cowboy hat one)  Omg, I don’t know why he keeps complaining about how it’s starting to look like TW Season One hair like it’s some sort of bad thing.  (The longer the hair, the better the grip you can get. […uh…wait, what?… ’>.> ])  That pic just screams OUAT sequel to me.  Out here looking all shaggy and windblown and peaceful and content.  Proud Alpha Dad Peter spending quality time with his family/pack.  How very dare he spring this on an unsuspecting public with no warning?  I was not prepared.  (Also, Sinqua and Holland commenting on it just ups the adorable factor that much more.)

Also, was looking at a few sites lately in consideration of ordering a few more masks for work, found this print on one of them and almost laughed myself absolutely stupid.  I don’t know why it was just so funny to me, but I hope it cheers you as much as it did me.  Btw, it’s available on an impressive variety of items, including two types of notebooks, t-shirts, mugs, blankets, pillows, beach towels, shower curtains, rugs, bath mats, several styles of bags, phone cases, and assorted types of wall art (sadly not on a mask, however.  I was deeply disappointed.)  I can see any number of items ending up in the Haleargentski household, bought by assorted non-wolf members for assorted wolf members, because they are a family of assholes.  (I feel like the first gift was a travel mug to Peter from his darling husbands, then a t-shirt [on black ofc] from Peter to Derek, and then it just all snowballed from there.)

Today’s literally-just-appeared-out-of-nowhere-wtf-brain thought is (much like the French maid thing) definitely of the nsfw variety, so consider yourself duly warned if you have a shift today.  Because I mean we talked about Chris and Noah using toys on each other, but why should Peter get left out of the fun?  There are plenty of ways for him to enjoy them, too.  Like, pretty much the initial spontaneous thought was “Peter getting pulled into someone’s lap and being pegged within an inch of his life until he comes screaming down the throat of whichever one is going down on him at the same time."  And I was just like "not sure what this has to do with this video of how to make a ukelele out of colored pencils, but continue."  But like, no really.  Peter being knotted in one of them while the other uses beads or a (vibrating) plug on him?  (Which one is the asshole who momentarily turns the vibration up high enough that they BOTH can feel it?)  Or using those, or some kind of prostate massager, while he’s tied up and watching them with each other?  Bonus points in that situation for anything remote controlled.  See just how good his control really is.  Equal opportunity toy usage is what I’m saying, basically.

Also had a thought inspired by a pregnant friend and her fiance raving about a local pizza place’s monthly special, which is a pickle pizza (no really).  I may or may not have asked her if she had it with ice cream (I totally did, but apparently she’s past that point.)  So I was wondering about any weird or specific cravings the boys have while pregnant.  I remember Chris having a thing about chocolate pudding in the flashbacks.  Was it only a certain type of pudding, or would any kind do?  Were there any others he had?  Did he have the same ones with Ben or different?  What about Noah?  What sort of cravings did he get, if any?  And did they vary between sets of twins?  Did anybody go the aforementioned pickles and ice cream route?  Anybody dipping fries in Nutella?  Onion straws in peanut butter?  Doritos in cottage cheese?  Anybody eat salsa straight out of the jar?  Did anybody get any sudden absolute need for a specific fast food at two in the morning?  Or suddenly want a type of snack food only carried at one truck stop halfway past the next town?  Anybody spend several days eating nothing but veggie trays, including ones they normally can’t stand?  Anybody develop a temporary aversion to certain things, like coffee (feels like it would be a terrible thing for either of them)?  Did Peter cater to their every whim in any and all of these situations?  (I already know that answer.)  Did either one ever get demanding about it, or did they go the more passively-wistful-won’t-stop-mentioning-it route?  Side note; did anyone (not family) ever catch the wrong end of hormones now backed by even more combat and/or magical ability?  (Debbie at the bake sale best step off or she gonna regret a number of her life choices.)

Uh…I think that was the last of the random swirling questions/musings/headcanons for now…  I hope you feel a bit better today, and that the time off (I think you mentioned some time off?) is helpful.  Enjoy your time with your friend (that was this weekend, right?).  If you’ve got ideas for writing stuff, but are having trouble getting them down, would making quick notes/reminders, or voice recordings, for later help?  Like, so you don’t worry about losing them, but aren’t forcing yourself to do something you don’t feel up for at the time?  Either way, congrats on keeping up with the journaling (and the pretty, pretty art), and I hope tracking everything proves helpful.  And remember, other people’s bullshit issues and hang-ups are in no way your fault (no matter what they try to tell you), and you deserve all the good things.  Take care!  *Hugs to both of you!* 

Yeah, honestly I think I hit that point in my life again where my battery is drained and I can’t restart it. Which is how I got my burn out at first and working towards another one. Heh but I also don’t want to give up now and just keep working for a little longer because my contract expires at the end of September and yeah.. 

Stress.

Aww gosh thank you, yeah I really like how that one turned out! It was better than expected.

Btw if you’re into Zombie apocalypse stories (I am) you should definitely check out The girl with all the gifts. It’s so brutal but also interesting, I definitely enjoyed that. (And it was research for my own book)

Lol I love this keyboard and this laptop, really, it was the most expensive thing I ever bought but it’s so worth it. Still runs super smooth after 2 years. I don’t think I’ve seen that video of Henry though. 

And omg yes I did and it’s the best thing. he looks so SOFT omg. I def got  OUAT S2 vibes from that. And OUAT vibes. Also that pic of him with Colton, omg. Those were the best!

THAT PRINT!!!! I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose this morning but managed to swallow it down just in time. My work computer would have suffered caffeine damage otherwise XD.

But yeah, that becomes a running gag for sure!

Because I mean we talked about Chris and Noah using toys on each other, but why should Peter get left out of the fun?  There are plenty of ways for him to enjoy them, too.  Like, pretty much the initial spontaneous thought was “Peter getting pulled into someone’s lap and being pegged within an inch of his life until he comes screaming down the throat of whichever one is going down on him at the same time."

*cheff’s kiss* 

Yes.

Oh the images are so good. Remind me to write them out in detail tomorrow after the zoo trip.

Also parking the pregnancy cravings to answer tomorrow since it’s past midnight and I should catch some sleep before I need to be up again. But I will definitely type that HC out.

Side note; did anyone (not family) ever catch the wrong end of hormones now backed by even more combat and/or magical ability?  (Debbie at the bake sale best step off or she gonna regret a number of her life choices.)

Ohhh Debbie’s toast. Because yes, Noah’s magic is that much stronger when it’s fueled by pregnancy hormones and Chris turns into a very protective hormonal fighting machine. Low center of gravity has advantages when you’re in a squabble with the Karens.

And yeah, I have four days off right now. Which means I don’t have to work until Thursday again. Which is awesome!

But yeah work wasn’t too bad, I had to do one bad news conversation which fucking sucked since there was nothing I could do and nobody I could get a hold off to fix the problem for that customer and it was just a waiting game. I hate those conversations. I honestly do.

Most of it was quiet though and I got to leave an hour earlier due to the quiet day. So that was good. And I watched a movie while being paid (The girl with all the gifts) so that was pretty fun too XD

I actually voice record a lot already. I find it really helps with clearing my mind and I write a lot of stuff down. But I appreciate the tip!

Lots of cuddles from me and Mo and I hope your day went by well. <3

[homosociallyyours]

a friend just posted a pic on fb of the coffee shop we used to hang out at, taken way back in the day. it’s just a shot of the place taken from inside, looking out the big glass windows and onto the street of downtown chattanooga. but one friend pointed out that she could see another friend’s van parked across the street, and one of the baristas came on and said he’d taken the photo and then proceeded to post a bunch more. 

anyway i’m feeling nostalgic so i’m posting about it. memories behind the cut. 

i started going there when i was maybe 15 years old. i don’t remember why, but it’s likely that the artsy nerd club i was a part of (we stayed after school to watch amadeus and monty python and we’d sometimes go to the local art museum) went there after a meeting one day. or maybe someone told me about it. anyway, it was my favorite place to go. i would drink pots of tea, always trying new things. 

on my 16th birthday my parents got me a teapot from there and a gift certificate to buy tea with. i had that teapot til it broke a year ago. 20+ years! it moved with me to and from college, to nyc, california, texas, and back to california. damn. 

anyway after i’d been going for a while i started talking with the owner. his name was ian, and he was pretty young. he loved tea and coffee and he had a roaster where they’d make their own coffee. it was loud and lovely, and for a long time it lived up front, right by a little elevated area with couches. when it was running you couldn’t hear anything and had no choice but to either shout or be quiet. 

ian encouraged my love of tea, and offered to keep track of everything i’d tried in a little notebook that was kept behind the counter. i got to make notes on every pot i drank, and i remember writing “terrible! grass!” after my first pot of green tea (it was oversteeped--my fault--and probably made with water that was too hot--their fault). i had my first pu-er there, and fell in love with its damp leaf flavor and that turned earth scent that it has. i drank multiple pots of jasmine pearls and wrote a caffeine fueled poem about it with a friend. i loved that little coffee shop. 

i don’t remember when i went from hanging out inside to hanging out outside, but i feel like i was 18 or so. the older people (they were probably barely 21-25, fucking babies) sat out there smoking and drinking coffee. i developed a crush one summer on a guy who made me think of arthur dent for some reason (don’t ask because i don’t know) and we went on one awkward date and didn’t kiss, and now i wonder what’s happened to him and if he, too, wasn’t straight. who knows? someone, i’m sure, but i can’t remember his last name anymore so is it even relevant? 

i’d never felt cool til i went off to college. it was like leveling up without trying, like when you’re playing a game and do one action and suddenly all your stats are refilled and you’re like...this is unexpected? but i’ll take it? i think that’s why i decided i could really sit with the outside tables. that and my bff, who was dating someone who was friends with a lot of those people, would show up sometimes and sit out there. 

(if you’ve actually been reading along so far, here’s where i’m gonna introduce you to a bunch of people i’ve never talked about before and will likely never mention again. just so you have fair warning.) 

the cast of characters shifted a lot, but there were always the constants. scott, the barista, who was much older than most of the people hanging out but looked young and seemed young. i look back with adult eyes and question the relationship we had, but at the time i just thought it was cool that someone so much older thought i was worth hanging out with. but he was 30 when i was 19, and man that’s a lotta years. he had a summer where he hit on my friend and i constantly, after his wife left him and he was kinda floundering a bit. but it never went past flirting and it never bothered me, though like i said it kinda does now. we were still hanging out when i was 21 and we’d go get beers after the coffee shop closed at ten or midnight. he’d turn up obnoxious music really loud and i’d sometimes help close. 

there was gabe and george, brother and sister in a family of people with names starting with the letter g. george was tiny and cute and either very drunk or very hyper from coffee at all times. gabe was a nerd who was usually quiet but loved to play scrabble, and we’d take the board inside sometimes and battle one another. he was much better than me, i won’t lie. liz and ever were both writers who would play with us sometimes. ever had changed her name at some point (to ever; any name she had before is irrelevant) and when we met she explained the meaning of her new name, which i won’t give because damn it’s very google-able. 

she was a so fascinating to me, always talking about some feminist theory or philosopher, and i always felt so smart when we’d hang out. like a Serious Thoughtful Adult and not a kid. and liz was less serious but no less smart. she played scrabble a lot more and for a while we got pretty close. she took me out after coffee sometimes to a shitty bar with pool tables and tried to teach me how to play pool. she had her own cue and even though she was like 5′2″ she could break like nobody’s business. i never figured out how to do that part. 

alex would come with us sometimes. he was tall and handsome and rode a motorcycle, and was the first openly bi guy i ever met. one time he invited me over to his house and we laid around listening to the smiths and talking. he burned me a copy of their greatest hits that i still have, all scratched up so it probably doesn’t play anymore. he crashed his bike more than once driving drunk. dumb fuckin kid. now he repairs coffee machines and sails, i think. life is funny. 

a few other people ran in groups. meg and waide and the aforementioned jason and ardyce. some people called meg “big megan” and another megan (her family was really wealthy, rich southern politicians who knew the clintons and have a mention in sweet home alabama--the song, not the movie) was “little megan” because she was still in high school. i joked that i was medium megan, but the whole thing was awkward because big megan was fat and i was small fat and little megan was skinny. i’m gonna blame it on thoughtless dudes, but who the fuck knows? we all pretended not to mind it anyway. 

waide ended up being a connection with other people who i met later. my hometown is weird in that it’s actually a pretty big part of the southern punk scene, so a lot of punks i meet have spent time there, and anyone over a certain age probably spent time at the bar waide worked at (the stone lion, and then maybe also the pickle barrel) so he’s one of those people who i’ll end up mentioning even though we haven’t spoken in years. 

at some point a kid named ory showed up. i think he was 16 when he started coming around, and i used to call him puppy because he was excitable and silly, full of energy one minute and then mopey crashing the next. like a lot of people there he drank a lot and would be fucked up sometimes and make dumb choices. i always wanted to protect him. when i was 22 (and he was 19, i think) we ended up sitting together at the second lotr movie and having some kind of weird chemistry. that summer i drove him home one night and we had a super heavy make out with lots of clothed grinding. honestly the furthest i’ve ever gone with a cis straight(ish, he hooked up with a couple dudes but idk if he’d say he’s bi) dude and it was awkward in that we never talked about it? and then he came to visit me a couple years later in new york because he was in the navy, and he got super drunk and passed out on my couch and was a mess because he literally never stopped being a puppy. 

he’s fucked up now, fully cancelled bc he said shit about girls rock camp (really dude?) and also probably cheated on his wife on their honeymoon? idk, it was fb rumors and then he deleted. but i’d believe it, honestly. 

and then there were all these absolutely random downtown characters: dirty mark (a crusty punk who was drunk or high most of the time) and shirtless dave (yeah he really didn’t wear a shirt that much) usually came as a pair. sometimes dave hung out with a guy my friends and i called blue hair. he once hit on my friend and she panicked and gave him my number instead of hers because her brain didn’t make up a fake number fast enough. 

there was sandy the flower man, who just passed away a couple weeks ago. he’d get flowers from local florists and go around on his bike, stopping into the coffee shop or to bars with roses and carnations and daisies. people gave him money usually, but sometimes he’d just hand you a flower because he wanted to. i saw a picture from a memorial and there was a portrait of him that was sat on top of his bicycle, all of it surrounded with flowers on flowers. so pretty. it’s what he deserved. 

things changed around 2005 or so, i think. by that time, all the old baristas had left and the kids who came in were all weirdly religious and went to the christian college on the mountain. they made shitty coffee and sometimes played xtian rock and most of the old regulars couldn’t take it anymore. ian got sick around that time, too, and ended up selling the place. they stopped carrying much tea, if any. 

but they finally sold the space and moved in like 2015. i remember the first time i drove by and didn’t see the lights on inside. it felt like seeing a friend from grade school all grown up, maybe the kid you had a crush on but they have a family now and you don’t think they’d recognize you at all so you just have to walk away. gone. 

fuck this post is long as shit, i’m sorry for anyone on mobile. but damn it was good to get my memories out. 

[thevioletjones]

For that trope mash up, could I please see some Gallavich for 48 and 80?

Fake dating + Green-eyed epiphany

Ok, I really fucking ran with this one. Lol. This is like a 1.2k outline…

What about a good old-fashioned high school reunion scenario? At first I thought Ian would be the one to get Mickey to fake date, but now I’m thinking it should be the other way around. Mickey wants to prove something. He wants everyone who ever thought he was a no good loser thug (and hetero to boot) to have their jaw on the floor when they see him again. He lucked into some money somehow. Maybe he won the lottery (fuck it, lol), and he managed to build a good business, so he’s totally owning the whole career thing. BUT, he doesn’t like relationships, just fucking, and he really wants to shock his old classmates by being outwardly gay in their faces, and since he’s not exactly flamboyant, he needs to have a hot-ass dude by his side to flaunt. He ropes Mandy into his scheme and asks for advice on hiring an escort, which he’s never done before. She says she has a better idea, and sets him up with Ian, who isn’t an escort… he works at a bar or something. Makes okay money, but could always use more, and it won’t be as weird and impersonal as hiring a professional. Mickey protests at first, but then Mandy shows him Ian’s pic, and he’s like, “Welllllll, maybe…” She rolls her eyes and says to come by Ian’s work tomorrow night, gives him the deets. They meet, and Mickey is like, yep, definitely would take this guy as arm-candy. Ian teases him about needing to pay for a boyfriend, but Mick’s just like, fuck you, take it or leave it. They hash out the fine points of their fake relationship, and Mickey is surprised how much fun it is inventing this fantasy life with Ian… the supposed way they met (a gay event during Fleet Week, Ian was in traditional Navy uniform and Mickey couldn’t resist), how long they’ve been together (5 years), where they vacation (Aruba, Maldives, Capri), whether they’re engaged or not (yes), and if they have any kids (no)… Ian asks how PDA they are at events like that, and Mick’s like, “I’ve never PDA’d in my entire life, man, unless you count making out with girls in front of people when I was younger to prove I wasn’t a homo.” And Ian’s like, “But wouldn’t a kiss or two go a long way in rubbing the whole out and proud thing in their faces? We definitely need to hold hands, at least.” Mickey gets super butterfly-stomach-y and is all, “Uhhhhh, let’s see how it goes.” And then the day comes, and they go to the reunion, and Ian totally holds his hand as they walk in, and everyone is definitely like wtffff flabbergasted, and Mickey is all big smiles, because fuck yes, this is all going exactly as he’d hoped. Everyone acts so fucking friendly that it makes him want to die laughing or tell them all to go fuck themselves with their fakeness, but acting like a high and mighty asshole upper-class gay with a fabulous life that can’t be bothered with your petty bullshit is much more satisfying as far as revenge goes. He’s never felt better than anyone before, but tonight he’s gonna act like he does. Ian is just like the most charming person ever, and is getting really into spinning wild yarns about their lives. Just pulling all these shared personal stories out of his ass while everyone laughs and gives him heart eyes, and Mickey is like, whoa, this guy is really good. And the drunker he gets, the more he’s like, whoa, this guy is like super hot and also amazing and maybe I kind of want to actually have this kind of life with him??? And so of course, they end up making out at their table while the DJ plays the last song of the night, and of course they end up banging at Mickey’s place after. BUT, in the harsh light of day, Mickey backslides into his ‘I am a rock, I am an island’ mode, and Ian is obviously hoping that they’ll start seeing each other. Mick reminds him that the whole reason he needed to pay someone to date him last night is cuz he doesn’t do boyfriends. Ian’s like, yeah, but we hit it off and we can take it slow. But Mickey totally shuts him down, because he’s a scared idiot. So Ian’s like, fine, fuck you, then. He was going to tell him never mind about the payment, but now he’ll take the check and go. Cut to a few weeks later, and Mickey meets up with Mandy, and he brings up Ian all coy, like “How’s he doin’?” And Mandy’s like, “He’s great. Has a new boyfriend.” And Mickey’s all, gulp, wtffff, feeeeelingssss. He asks if it’s serious, and she’s like, idk, maybe, why do you care? And he’s like, “Don’t.” Heh. And she’s like, yeah, sure, pal. “You’re a fucking pussy.” So a couple weeks later, Mandy invites him over for her birthday party or something, and he finally sees Ian again for the first time since the morning after. And he’s with the new boyfriend. And Mickey is like, so pissed off and not knowing what to do about it. Ian meets his eyes once, and gives him a curt nod of acknowledgement, then proceeds to ignore him for the rest of the night. Mickey just fumes in a corner, and Mandy comes over to lecture him like, BIG SIGH, “If you really actually like Ian, then just fucking tell him you want to date him. I don’t think he’s really invested in this other dude. YET. But that could change, so you need to make up your mind quick.” So the next time the bf disappears from Ian’s side, Mickey goes over, and is like, “Look, I know I was a dick, but the shitty thing is that I can’t stop thinking about you.” And Ian has to kind of push back a little first, so he’s defensively sarcastic. “Sounds like a you problem, not mine.” Mick: “Yeah, I know it ain’t your problem, but I just wanted to tell you that I’ve never really had that good a time with anyone before. In my whole fucked up life. So… whatever.” And he goes to walk away, but Ian’s all, “Wait.” And Mickey turns back around all raised eyebrows and biting his lip. Ian’s face softens, and he’s like, “What are you doing tomorrow night?” And Mickey shakes his head, “No plans.” Ian: “Maybe we could hang out or something.” Mickey: “What about your boyfriend?” Ian shrugs: “We’re not that serious. Doesn’t really feel… right.” Mickey smiles big then, and Ian rolls his eyes and smiles too, but pushes him further away, and says, “Tomorrow. After I give him the talk.” So they meet up the next night, and of course from that moment on, they’re pretty much boyfriends forever. :))) The end.