#when charlie said he wouldnt leave again do you think he was thinking about when he left her for exile and came back to a world without her

[aarghone]

SHE ACTUALLY NEVER LOSES

[intertexts]

SEASON FINALE TRIVIA !!!!!! this includes 23 and 24. i hope youre having fun :)

- yakko does the intro and says "welcome to just rolled with it the show after the show where we talk about how awesome i am :)" and hes right for that

- JUST GENERALLY PRAISING YAKKO FOR HIS PERFORMANCE AS ASHE. grizzly goes "i honestly forgot you were a guest player i just want you to stay here forever now"

- bizly and yakko the night before they recorded this episode were up late thinking about just . goofy scary things for the trickster to do. like what if the floor is lava but REAL. what if his ARMS GOT LONG. shit like that

- BIZLY WAS GETTING EMOTIONAL DURING THE SCENE RIGHT BEFORE ASHE FULLY TURNS INTO THE TRICKSTER. which is HUGE because its a running joke in riptide that bizly never gets emotional during character moments and grizzly is like. the big crybaby about it. polar opposites of the getting emotionally immersed in roleplay spectrum

- grizzly: "i know out of character we had to leave ashe here because it works for the story and also youre a guest and cant stay forever but in character, dakota would NEVER do that willingly. if circumstances were just a little different i think william and vyncent wouldve had to physically drag him out of there" :(

- OVERLORD WAS NOT ORIGINALLY AN ALLIGATOR. HE WAS NOT AN ALLIGATOR FIVE MINUTES BEFORE HE WAS REVEALED . OVERLORD BECAME AN ALLIGATOR THE MOMENT BIZLY SAID ".... i gotta do it"

- yakko: i kinda feel bad that i just one punch deleted the big supervillain thats been hyped up for the whole season

grizzly: no, look. we've been joking for like 5 episodes now about how our characters could never beat an alligator. and we were right!

- "it took a god to beat a gator" "i feel like youd see that on the front of a church in florida" "whats a king to a god. whats a god to a gator"

- condi: "hey! so the beginning of the episode! pretty wacky! remember when we fought whirlwind?"

charlie: "no. no i dont."

- grizzly: "i almost find myself sympathizing with the villains sometimes because we're just so annoying"

yakko: "every villain we've gone up against is just thinking 'man, these kids are LOSERS'"

- grizzly: "i genuinely never want to speak to mark again"

charlie: "if he breaks out of prison i will go to every length to put him back in. i hate him. i hate him so much" THIS WAS LITERALLT UNPROMPTED?!?!?!?!! WHY DO THEY HATE HIM SO MUCH. FREE MY MAN !!!!!!!!!

- when they first got into the room, charlie condi and yakko thought thetubes were gonna open and 4 regular gators were gonna come out to fight them. grizzly thought it was gonna be wavelength betraying them with the other lieutenants (AGAIN. WHY ALL THE MARK WINTERS HATE. I DONT UNDERSTAND)

- QUICK BACKSTORY RECAP BY GRIZZLY. basically verbatim to how hes saying it.

vyncent: is from another world. looked up to an adventuring party. (condi: the important part was the whole "monsters that dont look like monsters" thing)

william: theres a bunch of ghosts spirits monsters in deadwood and he and his friends were investigating them until one day he followed a wisp into a forest and fell down a hole and died and came back as a wisp and now all the monsters and ghouls are out to get him so he had to leave deadwood so his friends and family wouldnt be in danger (charlie: well when you put it like that it sounds so much lamer)

ashe: had a trickster book and the trickster killed his mom. idk why he thought that was a good idea. actually, when you got possessed by the trickster the first time, howd you get him back in the book? (bizly: theres more to that story you guys havent learned yet so im not gonna just tell you. you have to figure that stuff out in character)

- dakota: (from charlie this time) uhh your parents died and you take risks and jump off things and then one day a girl jumped off a thing with you and you grabbed her but then also died like william wisp because we like falling off of things and getting superpowers apparently so you fell off something and got superpowers and then you left the hospital before they coukd tell you anything and you ran into the woods where you met a strange old man that taught you how to fight stuff i guess (grizzly: i never actually wrote what happened to the girl in my backstory. bizly: because you wouldnt KNOW)

- dakota adrenaline junkie........ (grizzly: its worse now because he has powers and he can do all the things he used to and MORE. and SURVIVE)

- they all believe tide was mind controlled from the time he went to talk to whirlwind by himself after they beat him. bizly says he misspoke and described some things wrong, tide wasnt actually mind controlled until they were actually in the building. he kept rolling saves for him and every time he just rolled like garbage so he never broke out of it

- its a 2/3 split on how theyre planning to react to the heroes. vyncent and william are bitter about it because neither of them are used to living in a place with a lot of heroes so they dont know how all of this is supposed to work. theyre angry that the heroes never showed up when they needed them and the one time they actually do come its just MINUTES too late after their friend had to basically sacrifice himself to save them instead. dakota, who grew up in and around the city basically worshipping superheroes, doesnt understand why theyd be so angry.

- the reason overlord knew they were coming is because the gunman from the whirlwind fight got away. he instantly came back to overlord and told him to expect pd soon because they beat whirlwind

AWESOME TRIVIA FOR THESE!!!!! holy shit... trickster the floor is lava but real ^_^ horrifying thanks!!

ALSO REAL. THIS IS YAKKOS WORLD WERE JUST LIVING IN IT!!! genuinely probably i would have figured out the setup in 24 so much quicker if i hadn't just. Forgot ashe was a guest. i was like yeah man four of them. he just lives here now. i wonder what theyre setting up for because i dont think some big setup for one of the main pcs 2 have an insane sacrificial moment would happen!! ^_^;

I LOVE THE WIWI STUFF. fucked up x files gravity falls ass hybrid. head in hands. ALL of the backstory stuff actually esp. vyncents which is still the vaguest shit ever. shaking himmmmmm why is there an adventuring party in ur brain !!!!! head in hands.

[crunchchute]

another day, another round of me wracking my brain trying to come up with a good fnaf timeline. this time i came to the conclusion that i should just make an au where i leave out a bunch of stuff at this point if i want to work with my own story 😭

ok this turned into a LONG rant id normally just put on my other blog but as i started here, im just gonna post it here. i also keep forgetting stuff and sometimes i come across a theory/fact that makes me go OOHH im so dumb i forgot. and it changes everything again and its probably happening again here

first, fnaf 2 is where i get stuck every single time. id love to just leave at least the toys out, sorry mangle. second, i just cant wrap my head around the whole "charlie was the first victim" idea because we get introduced to all this where we see the puppet in the toys location and the withereds.. it becomes too confusing for me. is it at the same location? was the puppet with the ogs and the toys were added later? i would say the toys are irrelevant and havent been added until the ogs were withered. anyway, i believe will could have stuffed the kids into the ogs prior to killing charlie, which would make more sense if the puppet was possessed later and then gave them life? whether the toys are or arent posessed is not important to me as much (just confuses me. like if they werent there would it change the story??), or rather it lacks some closure, like the ogs have eventually been destroyed and the spirits let free, but for the other kids (that people say are possessing the toys), we dont even know their names! or how they ended. i always think of the theories how will destroyed the ogs to take remnant from them to use in the funtimes, but nobody ever thinks of the fact that he just gets springlocked right after which would make No sense. the funtimes are an odd thing, i guess you could apply he actually took it from the toys, but why would he? is there proof? if theyre programmed to snatch kids directly, hed have enough remnant and not have to get it from previous animatronics. that said, i believe the SL location and funtimes were made early on, but had to have this kidnap/kill function only after charlies murder because if she was the first and the point of her being the first was that will found out about remnant and possession, he would want to start experimenting with it then. however, i do prefer charlies murder to be out of jealousy towards henry after losing elizabeth, which would mean the funtimes would be existing at this point (because of eliz death). or perhaps the funtimes have been a project of his (i have this little coffin theory. probably dumb, basically just each character is there to hold the body/spirit of each afton family member, baby and ballora are obvs, funfred would be cc with bonbon in the place of the walkie talkie plush to control him.. and foxy for mike, but this doesnt work unless william knows about the posession...) but baby killed elizabeth and he wanted to get her back... wouldnt then finding out about charlie and the puppet be like way too convenient? like hey, this is exactly what you need. ...and how long can a spirit persist within an object until possession using remnant? or this kind of "activation" like in give life.

now this brought me to thinking about springtrap and when exactly was he "revived". as well as other time things.. such as, i thought the spirit "degrades" over time, loses sense of self - but i guess that would apply more after the possession starts. hinted at with scrap baby, she has been baby for so long its no longer elizabeth. but springtrap, and then scraptrap, is william seemingly after decades unless his spirit possessed spring bonnie only around the time they found him? big think

and then back to the general timeline. i cant even pinpoint the very start which bugs me, so it always all starts in '83, (after fredbears existing for a bit) when i assume the bite triggered the nightmare experiments, also closing of fredbears. i think there was a freddys at that time already where the first mci would happen but as i said i like the idea of will stuffing the kids into the withereds. maybe not, maybe i gotta let that go but its just such a nice idea. theyre just there in the back, nobody cares about them, the perfect place. then he can be the one to fix them up into their fnaf 1 glory, but this applies to it even if they were stuffed there much earlier and the withering happened Because Of the decay (probably makes more sense too! so i will try to work with that instead) and you see! no puppet yet. but also no possession. hed fix them up after, put them in their own new location and go ham. as in, he also has the saferoom there with the spring bonnie suit to use. nobody suspects a thing. (i also think the golden freddy/fredbear suit could be there and thats how we got golden freddy) but you see, with this we could just throw fnaf 2 out entirely.. whether we had the withereds or not, it doesnt matter, toys dont bring much to the table other than the bite of 87, no? the puppet could work perfectly in fredbears or freddys, just waiting her turn

see what i have to live with. i already helped myself a ton by accepting that henry is just in jail after the first mci/post fredbears so i dont have to work with him too. he wasnt framed, only in charge as the owner.. and we got fazbear entertainment taking while william has afton robotics. as in, they split at some point (after the bite?) and then he works under fazent in various locations, many times under aliases. Oh which brings me to.

in this year of 2023, they finally made me care about fritz! only because its william. to me. i have no proof! other than the clickteam teaser saying "fritz", but showing dave. (if its not him im fucked.) plus, isnt all we know about him literally just an employee kicked out on the first day for tampering with the animatronics (and smelling bad)? wouldnt william do something like this? get inside, if he cant he will take another identity (a name of one of his victims even) to get in to fuck around with the animatronics. why not just go there as william?? he once owned this place..? WELL now comes another juicy part (oh god crunch is going insane) he got kicked out! he cannot be in the location. why do i think that? midnight motorist. yeah.. okay i now love the idea that rye put out there, in the house its mike and a babysitter or aunt (movie helping with the lore!!!) and the footsteps are golden freddy luring him out (movie again!! its only 2 footsteps because GF doesnt walk!! he floats!!) but that aside, im thinking of the JRs part. this doesnt matter other than a hint at other stuff, metaphors and parallels and such. JR could be fredbears previously, yeah i dont argue with any of that, but it also makes me think of it as a paralell to the toy location. a place he got kicked out of, maybe not just once, perhaps the night he killed charlie he had just been kicked out (for various reasons) which amplified his anger as we see in MM after being kicked out of JRs, ending with him killing charlie (which i think was a tiny tiny bit premeditated in the way he was jealous of henry and his happy little family, now getting this chance) much to think about

note: i dont take anything here too seriously. theorizing is always just fun so if the one person decides to read this and react in a highly negative way, just keep it to yourself. if you have strong arguments against something with proof, do bring them in, i genuinely forget about shit i read like, yesterday. i also cannot "factcheck" everything when after googling i get shit like people on quora telling me that... quote.. william was under the control of the glitchtrap virus since he was 8 years old... umm wrong!! he was forced to eat cement when he was 6!!

okay that was meant to be a closing sentence but i also thought of one more thing. and one more thing!! i was a firm and calm and collected believer of fnaf 1 taking place in '93. then came the movie, making it in the 2000s. and it changed me to the worse! i started reading up on it and found out that its all just a theory that majority latched onto and decided to take as fact. as well as the idea that springtrap was locked in for 30 years. wont factcheck rn but it was apparently 30 years from the first location being closed, not since the springlocking. which means theres no set time between that and fnaf 3. on top of that someone was saying it made more sense for fnaf 1 to take place 10 years after that, so around 2003 instead, and it made sense to me then, so yeahh...

it also ties better to help wanted onward (though fnaf3 happening later would make the previous events more mysterious, why wouldnt they look into the location sooner?) and SB not taking place in like 2050s but 2030s or so (if its true that SB is happening 10 years after the pizzaplex opening). holding onto the game!vanessa is an afton theory even stronger after the movie! i talked about it b4 but had no proof. and so we dont have any literal grandpas making babies, the sooner it goes on the better. if vanessa is ~23 during help wanted, this way shed be born sometime in the 90s or early 2000s (this kinda applies even if HW took place in 2023 right after fnaf3 but since i think it happened sooner then i would prefer to go with the 90s) and. and will could have gotten laid one last time :] and have vanessa. think about it. (yeah how old is he again... it works right? also having to put him into a straight relationship after all of this is criminal, i know. im sorry, i will do better. (lie))

in the next episode, i will go over why the mxes entity is william. good night

p.s if you read through all of this, write me an ask about whos your favorite animatronic

[alex-fucking-dempsey]

I Shouldn’t Love You but I Couldn’t Help it (Had a Feeling You’ve Never Felt It)

    (This takes place the same night as episode 9, title from: selfish - madison beer)

Zach sat on his bed; his white button up shirt was messy, he looked like a wreck. He was a wreck. He looked at the clock that sat on his bedside table. It ticked as if it mocked him, it mocked that he's wasting time, it mocked his realization that he's out of time. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him, his heart was in his throat and it felt like it was trying to crawl out of it. His eyes stung with the feeling of tears pooling in his eyes. 

    What was making him feel like this? He knows, he has known since the drill… Since spending time with someone who shared his same sentiments. Alex is the kindest person in the world and boy was his soul the most beautiful one Zach has ever been in the presence of. So here he sits, pathetic, sad, and lonely realizing the only person who loved him had now just walked out of his life. Zach was being dramatic; they were still amazing friends. The kiss, saving him many times… Dancing with him. He did it first. He danced with Alex first. For fucksake he kissed Alex first! He slammed his hand down angrily. He loved him first. Just like Chloe though, Zach had a choice. Does he do what he did with Bryce and Chloe and step back or does he go back for Alex? Zach stared at the ceiling now, he’s thoughts clouded with that question.

    “Fuck that.” Zach thought out loud. “I’ve been doing this shit my whole goddamn life! When do I get to be happy?” He spoke to the upwards towards the heavens. As he reached his door he stopped his hand ghosting on the door handle. What if Charlie is with Alex; they did win… Zach didn’t want to think about it. He pushed that thought down. He wanted to do this right, so he decided against the liquid courage and yet, here he was nervously looking at a door handle. 

    How bad would he hurt Charlie? He’s kindness clouded his thoughts. “I’d be an awful person to do this…” Zach trudged back to his bed grabbing his phone from his suit jackets pocket.

    He texted Alex;

    Zach: could i come over by chance?

    Dickface standall: i’d have to sneak u in 

    Zach: i don’t need to stay over u just come outside when i tell u to, okay?

    Dickface standall: are u okay, zach? 

    Zach: Yes, be there in a few

    Dickface standall: ???

    He chuckled at Alex’s message, he felt what Alex's message portrayed. He hadn’t thought this far into it, he thought he’d get to his door chicken out and then go to sleep. He couldn’t now, Alex was expecting him, he’d think he was hurt if he didn’t show up.

             Zach never reflected too much on the kiss he and Alex shared, just thinking about him gave him a weird burning feeling inside his chest. He touched his hand gently to his lips, he thinks if he never feels it again he’ll die of sadness- Zach is very dramatic. 

            Zach stood outside Alex Standall’s house phone in hand his palms were as sweaty as they could be. He hid from the windows where he would be visible, he wasn’t sure if Alex had told anyone about Zach showing up. 

    Zach: come out

    Dickface standall: no news that i like boys zachary

    Zach: come outside dumbass

    Zach heard the faint creek of the front door and he saw a small frame appear from the darkness inside the house. He was in his pajamas already? He must’ve been sleeping, Zach instantly felt worse. Here this jackass was at the boy who confessed to him’s house who he rejected only for him to get a boyfriend for Zach to realize he loved him the entire time. “Zach?” A faint voice called Zach with the least amount of confidence he has had in weeks, walked towards him as quiet as possible.

    “What the fuck are you doing here?” Zach inhaled sharply, he looked down at the boy in front of him, his heart was beating a mile a minute, it was like Alex pulled all of the air and the little amount of confidence he did have out of him.

    “Alex, I-” Zach croaked, he looked up to avoid Alex’s tired and burning gaze. “Do you love Charlie?”

    Alex stepped further out of the house closing the door behind him, his face scrunched in confusion, “Why did you come all the way over here to ask me this Zach?”

    “Please Alex answer the question.”

    “What is love to begin with anyways?" Alex shrugged staring up at the sparkiling stars. Alex looked over to Zach, "Zach why are you here?" 

               "I-" Alex stared up at Zach expecting an answer. Zach knew he had to deliver. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done this." Zach wiped his sweaty palms on his suits pants before turning away from Alex.

              "Can you stop for a second?" Zach stopped not facing Alex but staring into the distance. "What is going on with you Zach?" Alex questioned slowly making his way towards Zach. 

              "I dont fucking know," Zach whispered barely audible still not facing him, Alex put his hand flat on Zachs back. "I have no fucking idea," Zachs words were becoming weaker, he broke, his sobs were small and quiet, but painful to listen to. Alex put his forehead to Zachs back as a sign of solidarity.

               "Do you want to come inside?" Alex asked as Zach's sobs were coming to a stop after four minutes of the two standing there in silence listening to Zach sob. 

               "I don't want to get in the way of you and Charlie." Zach shook his head, Alex rubbed circles into Zachs back with his thumbs.

              "He's not here…" Alex whispered back, "Besides even if he were to be you already did, so…" The two shared a small and short lived laugh together.

             The two ended up sneaking up the stairs to Alex's room as silently as possible. Alex's door creaked open, every sound sounded much louder than intended. Alex shut his door behind Zach, a goofy grin on Alex's face.

             "You're so loud dude," He rolled his eyes, Zach had a hardy and loud laugh causing Alex to put his hand over Zachs mouth, the two were the same, like they had always been able to do go through somethibg serious and minute later be goofy with one another. Zach licked Alex's hand causing him to quickly jump backwards in disgust.

              "Dude!" Alex wiped his hand on his pajama pants, "Youre so gross," Zach was still laughing, Alex had joined in, the two could be goofy with one another no matter what. He felt a pain in his heart as the they were engulfed in silence once more. 

             "Alex, I-" Zach avoided meeting Alex's gaze, although he could feel Alexs eyes closly trained on him. "I- Fuck this is so stupid." Zach stood up now forcing himself to meet eyes. "Just dont say anything." Alex just nodded, in worry. Zach grabbed Alex's shoulders the same way he did the first time they kissed he leaned down and smashed their lips together. He felt his heart quicken pace, this kiss was more intense, yet, softer than their previous one. Then, Alex pulled away.

         "Zach-"

         "I know, I'll leave-" Zach nervously walked towards the door, although before he could make his hand was grabbed by a smaller hand, he looked down ready to hear the same spiel he gave Alex.

         "Do you like me or are you just jealous?" Alex asked neither bothering to look at the other.

         "If I was just jealous I wouldnt have shown up in the middle of the night- sober." Zach stared the hand wrapped around his wrist.

        "Why didnt say that before?" The tears in Alex's eyes spilled down his cheeks. 

        "I didnt know… I knew subconsciously… I think…" Zach said hearing the small sniffles from Alex. "This doesnt have to mean anyth-"

       "It means everything Zach dont you get it!" Alex fought back, "I drop everything for you time and time again because I think I love you! So yes, Zach it does mean something." Alex gasped at his own words that slipped out of his mouth.

       "So what do we do?" 

       "I dont know," Alex said rather quietly, he was lost in thought. What about Charlie? 

       "Can we pretend it didnt happen?"

       "I dont think I can this time, Zach…" He let go Zachs wrist making his way over to his bed, Zach stayed by the door. 

      "Alex, I'm sorry,"

      "Yeah me too," Alex agreed, "I like you Zach." Alex said wiping his eyes. "A lot,"

      "So do I," 

      "So does Charlie," Alex looking down at his hands. "Why now, Zach?"

      "I watched Chloe walk out of my life with one of my friends. I don't want you to be the same, Alex," 

       In that moment, Alex made his desicion the one that he always makes when its someone else over Zach, it'll always be Zach. 

[pbandjesse]

I finally got to go to work at my new site! And I really like it! But today felt like a really long day. I havent worked 7 hours in a row for a while. So I am pretty tired. 

I had a really hard time last night. I was really emotional and I didnt feel good still. I cried a bunch and I just felt really dumb for feeling so sad for no reason. So sleep did not come easy. 

But I woke up in a better mood. It was a very grey day. And as I was getting washed up and dressed it started snowing again. 

The apartment was incredibly hot. The heaters worked to well today. But it was cold outside. I had to leave here really early to go get fingerprinted and I was nervous about driving. And while I feel a lot better, my cough has gotten more annoying. Its just like a tickle that happens in the back of my throat and its very embarrassing because there is a pandemic happening around a cough!! So I try to keep it in and then I choke and sound insane. But I got washed up and dressed and said goodbye to James and sweetP and off I went into the wet world. 

The snow was very pretty. But still a little scary to be out in. It was mostly just wet though. I got to the finger printing place and had trouble finding the front door but I did it and helped the uber eats guy find the door too. We were both confused. 

The girl who did my prints was very nice and it was nice talking to her. I didnt have to pay because it was for the Y so that was cool. And it was a quick process. And soon enough I was back out into the snow. Wishing I had a hat and different shoes. 

I went home and it was still early. I dont love starting work at 11. As it cuts into my art and lazy morning time. But It was only 930. So I had breakfast and watched a video. I worked on a new loom. And listened to James lead their very first substitute teaching class! It was super cute hearing them talking to the kids and I just felt all proud and bubbly about it. 

I wish I could have stayed and listen longer. But soon enough it was time to walk to my new job. 

And it wasnt a bad walk. I brought an umbrella, as the snow was wet and heavy. It would soon turn to ice and rain though so the site stayed open. All good. It is actually a really easy walk. And it turned out when I got lost the other day I was only one street over. I dont know how I had gotten lost but I made it there with no trouble at all. 

I got inside and they showed me where the academic support area was. And I got to meet the people Ive been texting with and everyone was so nice! I had a really nice day actually! Its a much smaller group, closer to my PAL location. And there were even a few kids from my last site there! So that was a nice surprise. 

I had to do some waiting and while I did I ended up buying a chair on Instagram from a local antique store and its super strange. It's a dressing chair and James is gonna pick it up for me tomorrow. I'm very excited.

I spent the first hour getting acclimated and showed around. Signing things and filling out paperwork. I was a little annoyed because all the paperwork I had gotten together and printed for the last site somehow got lost again and because I dont have access to it on my phone or tablet I would have to wait until I got home to sort it out so that was dragging on me. But honestly. It was a great time. 

The kids are sweet. But it was a long day and filling in that time was hard. Especially because I was feeling a little run down. I did get to lead a art project and that was a great way to introduce myself. This site lets the kids watch some movies during lunch and pick up time. And we did multiple little projects in the afternoon and went to the gyms to run around. We had peaches and cheez its for a snack and I really enjoyed the peaches. I should buy peaches more. 

I really like my coworkers though so thats pretty great. The one is a woman and Im only with her for the first hour, but she seems nice. The other I am with for most of the day and he made me feel really cool but it was also because he seemed really cool. And I hope we can work together well. We brainstormed some art projects and other project ideas. And he's much more into the physical stuff then me so it was fun to watch him come up with games and things in the gym. I played catch with some girls. I did try to do the lead stretching he had but I got a crazy charlie horse in my side that scared me so I stopped after the first couple stretches. I dont know what happened but I hope it doesnt happen again. 

The end of the day I was just cleaning and making plans for tomorrows project. Im going to try to get them to sew. Well see how it goes. But I have a good feeling. Its a young group but not to immature. I think it will be good. 

I was happy to go home though when the last kid got picked up. My new coworkers are a little nervous about me walking home which is very sweet of them. But the sun was still out and there were lots of street lights. And I was home quick. 

James had put together snacks for me so I wouldnt get an upset belly while waiting for dinner. I got the best partner. We had little pizzas for dinner. And as we were cleaning up got a frantic call that apparently a pipe from our apartment was leaking into the girls below us. Aw man. So it was a frantic figure out where that water was coming from and James figured out it was coming from the sink. So we had to turn the water off there whille I ran downstairs to talk to our neighbors and get some duct tape. Mr Will is going to come in the morning to check it out. But water damage is my nightmare so I was a little unsettled. 

Once we got it sorted out things felt okay. I went and did some organizing in my studio. Worked on some art. And now I am on the couch being sad about my mouth hurting but also just enjoying listening to James play monster of the week with their friends and weaving a beautiful story and it just makes me laugh and its great. 

Now I am going to wash up and get in bed. I hope its an easy sleep. For you as well. Goodnight everyone! Be safe out there. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [Enough time later that you might think you’ll not hear from him again, realistically like a day or two but given what you did it’d seem like longer/regret and dip ‘cos ya should but we know that ain’t it]

Joe: you spent Charlie’s modelling money yet

Ronnie: long gone baby like you

Ronnie: if you were after a cut shouldve taken it sooner

Joe: nah, it’s yours

Joe: his but sounds like he enjoyed himself, by her account

Joe: no need to ask what you spent it on

Ronnie: but you wanna hear my account yeah

Ronnie: thats what this is

Joe: do you think that’s what this is

Ronnie: youre not taking up space in my head mckenna

Joe: and not in your diary, as you pointed out up top

Joe: busy busy yeah

Ronnie: i werent asked to audition to be a doss student cunt 💔

Ronnie: & the one he brought back didnt fancy me enough to ask me to join in either

Ronnie: busy getting out their way

Joe: leave it a couple years you’ll be a mature student and they ask less questions

Joe: how rude

Joe: after you told him about your massive cock and everything? 💔

Ronnie: go ed and dig me up when youve graduated then

Ronnie: 3s a crowd when 2 of em are scousers & the others from fuck knows where didnt have you to translate or the horse for scale

Joe: after an invite? Sure thing, sis

Joe: not Kent then, gutted

Ronnie: less questions you said put your ? away gobshite

Ronnie: not england but i aint a skinhead who cares so hes as alive as dorothy ever leaves em

Joe: people love that though

Joe: black EDL members and asian conservatives, such a laugh for ‘em

Ronnie: too late to go back and put the boot in now he ll have been shown the door & it wasnt me getting a name or number

Joe: his loss all ‘round then, I get it

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: alright, so I need linking

Ronnie: you got cash or you selling yourself

Joe: I’ve got cash, just not the contact

Ronnie: hand it over ill pick up for you

Joe: you think i’m that green

Ronnie: what colour do you reckon you are

Joe: you’ve got no prejudice, apparently, so what’s it matter

Joe: [picture of some of the multi-coloured bruises you acquired]

Ronnie: he was a pussy & you want me to connect you to people who aint

Ronnie: youre an easy target

Joe: you wanna pocket my money yourself instead, I get it

Joe: you can have a % of the shit, alright

Joe: not asking you to do it for nothing

Ronnie: thats all theyd do when you show up with your baby face and habit

Ronnie: ill take your money & still have it pocketed cos i dont need student loans to score no shit are you asking me to do it for nothing

Joe: what you gonna give me to keep hold of ‘til you give me mine

Ronnie: add an arm to your collection what do i care

Joe: yeah, what do ya

Ronnie: you want a easy pick up get a schoolboy plug i dont know any

Ronnie: i care about money youre ready to waste

Joe: that’s part of the appeal

Joe: why get it in a safe, nearly legitimate way

Joe: half the fun, eh, alright, alright

Joe: do it then, I don’t know no fucker else I can ask yet, I’ve gambled on worse

Ronnie: i just wanna get it thats the fun

Ronnie: get into a fight with whoever the fuck you like whenever for a pissing contest

Joe: you wanna start one ‘fore I’ve given you the cash and you’ve given me mine?

Joe: that’s blatant bullshit

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: save your childish excitement for the phone call home like

Joe: nah, you’re full of shit that it’s not just as much about the company and authentic experience

Joe: there’s plenty dealers that are nowt but businessmen

Joe: nothing but a transaction and they’ll sell to a junkie and city banker as one in the same

Joe: don’t act like you don’t have a deathwish or what was the point of taking me there and showing me

Ronnie: where the fuck am i meeting buisinessmen or getting the cash to pay em

Ronnie: dont be fucking rem

Joe: everyone’s stupid enough to wanna get their dick sucked over cold hard cash every other deal, no matter how presentable or legit they play

Ronnie: ive got the links ive got

Joe: fine

Joe: where you wanna do this then

Ronnie: whats your problem

Ronnie: [but a location anyway]

Joe: what’s mine

Joe: thought we’d covered that in length or are you less convinced now

Ronnie: convinced youve got fuck all to cry about

Joe: obviously

Joe: definitely bother with you if that were true

Ronnie: you wanted a big sister im doing all the hand holding

Joe: I never did and I still don’t

Joe: but you carrying on with the pretence if it makes you feel better

Ronnie: i didnt come to you or ask for fuck all to make me better

Joe: yeah you’re blameless

Joe: all in my fucked up head and not yours

Joe: what’s it like being an 👼🏼

Ronnie: i already told you you aint in my head & you werent in my veins for long enough to get fucking soft about it

Joe: i’ll be there in [however long that’d take you]

Ronnie: boss

Joe: you sound like them, you know

Ronnie: i dunno who the fuck youre talking about

Joe: the rest of the fam, of course

Joe: glad to see that the level of chatting bollocks to make yourself feel better is genetic, s’not depressing at all

Ronnie: that still dont clear fuck all up for me except that youre a bigger cunt than i thought

Joe: you don’t think about me

Joe: and none of that shit happened, your memory loss and confusion extends to that, don’t worry

Ronnie: you like me but you still compare me to em every chance you get

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: yeah, fuck me

Joe: like you haven’t just

Joe: forget it, actually forget it

Ronnie: youre as full of shit as you reckon I am

Ronnie: forget that its been ages & youre speaking up now cause you want something

Joe: i haven’t been able to flick my brain onto anything else, never mind shut it down, I haven’t slept or eat or done anything to take me away from it, you

Joe: and it meant nothing to you

Joe: fuck you

Ronnie: gear not me

Ronnie: theres the authentic experience you were going on about

Joe: no

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: this is what I mean

Joe: you know as well as I do what it was

Joe: why are you fucking lying and saying I am

Ronnie: im a junkie all i do is lie & nothing else means anything to me

Ronnie: youre worse than green if you dont fucking know that

Joe: you’re lying that it meant nothing

Joe: not lying that it did

Joe: even if it made you fucking sick, that isn’t nothing and I don’t believe you

Ronnie: dont believe me i dont care who the fuck are you

Joe: your brother

Ronnie: youre nothing

Joe: yeah right

Ronnie: the dealer means more

Joe: already pointed out you’re that much of a cliche

Ronnie: what we can’t both be a cliche take it then

Joe: never heard that one

Ronnie: nows your chance to make a final comparison between me & whatever family member you hate or are turned on by the most

Joe: final chance, alright then, sound even more stupid

Ronnie: sound like more of a pussy that youre kicking off over this but not gonna fuck off

Joe: why would I?

Joe: i’m not pretending that it weren’t a thing

Ronnie: nah youre pretending it was

Ronnie: whoever the fuck ever told you youre special is the liar here like

Joe: your mate don’t count, you ain’t done that before either so fuck off with your jaded routine

Ronnie: hes my brother when & where it counts

Joe: there’s no blood and no reason not to go there, that’s where it counts

Ronnie: if i wanted to fuck you too your ma wouldnt stop me she means even less than you

Joe: yeah

Joe: you and your life aren’t totally fucked because of how much you care

Ronnie: you dont know shit about me or my life

Joe: you wish

Ronnie: you dont

Joe: or do you, actually

Joe: you shove it in everyone’s face, what do you reckon everyone thinks

Ronnie: youve seen a few scars & now youve seen into my soul yeah

Ronnie: shut the fuck up for all you know i lived a couple of doors down from you for your whole bullshit childhood

Joe: you look like that and reckon it doesn’t scream mommy issues? Fuck off, you aren’t that dumb

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: everything you do is pure about her

Joe: not everything but I can admit she contributed

Ronnie: shes the 1st bitch to fuck me over but not the only is the difference between us

Ronnie: that unwanted bullshit was a pattern

Joe: you don’t know me either

Ronnie: i know you had a set of parents who kept hold of you however fucking west you were

Ronnie: no cunt was calling you racist shit or trying to touch you up

Joe: you’ve got a monopoly on fucked then, got it

Ronnie: like fuck have i but mine dont start & stop at mommy dearest how you think

Joe: of course it doesn’t

Joe: neither does mine

Ronnie: stop acting like youre an expert on how and why my head is wrecked and i wont have to kick yours in

Joe: you started it

Joe: but that’s good with me

Ronnie: get over yourself mckenna

Ronnie: you like what i start

Joe: i prefer the other night

Ronnie: yeah i like when youre getting punched in the face too

Joe: you can do the honours in a bit

Joe: fuck healing, yeah

Ronnie: what did your girlfriend say

Joe: oh, I got mugged and her dad’s gonna get her some pepper spray and a rape alarm 👍

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: but she ll have dreamt you fell off the horse only got the single fantasy in her

Joe: that her dad’s so responsible and caring? would be her #2 if she had the range

Ronnie: if hes delivering that shit in person let me know so i can start something with him

Joe: oh god

Joe: that reminds me

Joe: She wants to invite Charlie over for like, a dinner party or something

Ronnie: if her daddy is there hes gonna need that rape alarm back off her to fend off mary

Joe: 😂

Joe: idk if she’s that oblivious and now wants Charlie to fuck her, or she thinks he’s my only mate 🙄

Ronnie: shes over you baby i scared her off

Joe: or she thought you was gonna ask for a line 😏

Joe: if that’s true I’ll owe you, again

Ronnie: ket hook up

Joe: you think she’ll let her love be in pain on your behalf?

Joe: not likely

Ronnie: not gonna ask politely

Joe: hot

Joe: I was gonna hit you up sooner

Joe: I tried to find you after

Ronnie: you didnt try hard

Joe: I only had one eye, by that point

Ronnie: im an attention whore with screaming mommy issues cant make it no easier to spot me in a crowd

Joe: in that crowd?

Joe: or will you be pissy if I call you dime a dozen

Ronnie: still got the accent as my own personal rape alarm

Joe: where’d you go then

Ronnie: youre a tourist theres no point telling you

Joe: if you left with that lad, no need to go over the details, got the picture

Ronnie: why the fuck would i leave with him

Joe: you mean you weren’t in his pants for his benefit

Joe: careful, getting bit close to honesty

Ronnie: i mean to go where i dont need a horse or an en suite

Ronnie: youre a hopeless romantic like

Joe: that’s a new complaint, I’ll tell my exes

Joe: deffo their fault after-all, buzzing

Ronnie: how many are there

Joe: get less slut-shaming off Soph, cheek

Joe: I dunno, I had to keep it moving because of all the secret mommy issues, you know

Joe: I’ll do a tally

Ronnie: its not already carved into your arm no wonder theyre pissy at you

Joe: if that worked for any of ‘em they could come back from the ex thing

Joe: 💔

Ronnie: try her initials whatever the fuck they are in between dinner party courses and win her back

Joe: you should come

Ronnie: id be made up if she pepper sprays me

Joe: it’d be the only way this won’t be the worst evening ever

Ronnie: loads of ways to take out your other eye ill pass you a spoon

Joe: give a go doing my A-Z carving with it too

Joe: 🤞 she invites her twink classmate and you can try for your threesome

Ronnie: she’ll get in there before us cause youll have distracted me with the state of your cackhanded 💘 carving

Joe: can’t say I’d be sorry

Ronnie: you catholics invented anal but i reckon its overrated

Joe: you’d probably feel different if that’s where your g-spot was but can’t say I disagree with that either, not that that’s anything too deep to have in common so we’re fine

Joe: and raised strictly un-catholic so the pope can’t have a go

Ronnie: nah no cunt would find it if it was there either

Joe: 💔 baby

Ronnie: you mean it

Joe: yeah

Joe: which bit, though

Ronnie: my invite to the shitshow

Joe: ‘course

Joe: if it’s shit, you’ll only have yourself to blame for not livening it up enough

Joe: and I will have to kill myself if I have to be there sincerely

Ronnie: he knows about you

Ronnie: might wanna kill yourself if he opens his mouth

Joe: oh

Joe: so I’m gonna have to act all nice and respectful, yeah

Ronnie: if you wanna make me sound full of shit

Joe: what did you say?

Ronnie: told him i shot you he werent best pleased about it but youre not his brother so fuck all he can do

Joe: sweet

Joe: still not gonna fuck him though

Ronnie: hed get your g spot for you 🍒

Joe: not if he’s worried about my innocence

Ronnie: hes worried about my head getting wrecked not yours only bitch who is

Joe: you’ll have to tell him what you told me

Joe: I ain’t in there

Ronnie: you fairies bring everything back to your obsession with your mothers course hes no fucking exception

Ronnie: & cos i stole my file when i was a kid he thinks i give a shit too you were part of the happy 🏡 picture he was getting in a flap about but i tore through that 🌈 optimism with the 💉

Ronnie: you can have lively

Joe: better he knows than goes on about it

Joe: it’s far from 🌈☀️ even if you were up for it

Ronnie: every soft lad but him knows its ⛈ if not outright 🌨

Joe: when I started looking, if you were like them, I weren’t even gonna bother to talk to you

Joe: just give her the info and let her do it herself

Joe: but I knew you weren’t

Ronnie: told you youd have liked me at 9

Joe: 😏 yeah yeah

Ronnie: shed have bailed before scrolling that far back even with the pure messy sketchy shit kept off for the sake of dorothys cv

Joe: idk,she bangs on about her own glory days as ‘precaution’ enough

Joe: probably dead proud

Ronnie: raincheck on dinner i gotta go slit my throat after hearing that like

Joe: yeah, it’s real fun

Joe: far as starters go though, you’re welcome

Ronnie: cos you owe me go ed & drag my corpse there dress it up like horse girl and send her that info so i dont make her proud yeah

Joe: gotcha

Joe: the fibres sending Soph down are an unfortunate side-affect or added bonus, depending how you feel

Ronnie: dressing like a dyke art teacher is shady to my mourners hed have loved having me on the team

Joe: sure she wants to be buried in her jodhpurs, like

Joe: not gay but kink-adjacent, he’ll be alright

Ronnie: inside the horse youll have to hollow it out for her

Joe: poor horse not ready to be made into glue but there we go

Ronnie: but when youre ready to follow me to the grave only need a plastic bag

Joe: follow you anywhere, or whatever sounds good in a song

Ronnie: not had a little brother like that before

Ronnie: never know the mime is behind you or not

Joe: he shy or you cut his tongue out altogether

Ronnie: saving that for you cos i know how you feel about 🍒 & theres fuck all else left

Ronnie: hed never get attention whore out or mommy issues w & m forget it

Joe: I can feel the slutshame

Joe: there hasn’t been hundreds, come on

Joe: you were being weird, I needed to get you talking, it worked

Ronnie: how many then

Joe: I guess 6 total, not counting anyone before like 15 because that isn’t real, maybe 7 but we might be pushing the term girlfriend there

Ronnie: 💘 how many songs

Joe: not destined for the bin? Fuck all

Joe: cliche points off the charts though

Ronnie: i know youve seen the busking vids hes still got posted up that im in i cant say shit

Joe: you’re good

Joe: even when you have to go Top40 for the tips

Joe: class thing about the cello, looks more pitiful ‘cos the case is massive, people try to fill it, like

Ronnie: soz im not killing myself fast enough for you

Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy cliches 🖕

Joe: don’t worry, the songs were ‘insert name here’ jobs if they were anything

Joe: don’t wanna sound like I’m singing about a 75 year old bloke, do I

Ronnie: if itd been changed you wouldnt have found me shit at stalking as you are songwriting like

Joe: you’ve already got your own song anyway, don’t be greedy

Ronnie: ill keep you some �� if youre not

Ronnie: 1st thing i tried if you do wanna follow after us

Joe: trip down memory lane we can both handle

Joe: ‘course

Ronnie: dont have any exes itll have to do

Joe: prefer the ket

Ronnie: write a song about it

Joe: [blatantly will in a pisstake way]

Ronnie: k gonna be dead easy to carve with the spoon can do it rattling

Joe: your faith in my abilities is appreciated

Ronnie: youre not fucking here youll have to

Joe: just got out the station hold on

Ronnie: fuck telling me to hold on you hurry up

Joe: if you shut up I can run

Ronnie: can you

Joe: fuck off i’m not that unfit 😂

Ronnie: nah dead fit far as homos and horse girls reckon

Joe: lucky me

Ronnie: youve had 7 bitches no cunts gonna feel sorry for you

Joe: all various shades of boring though

Ronnie: no shit

Joe: so you’re saying you ain’t gutted for me? 💔

Ronnie: your virginity sob story is like me in that crowd of cunts you couldnt find your way through

Joe: Christ, don’t remind me, first and last time I ever went near a virgin

Ronnie: theyre all older than you itd be pathetic well as boring

Joe: exactly

Joe: too much hassle having to worry about them, destroys any point of doing it

Ronnie: gotta put their kids in the cupboard as is

Joe: fortune in gaffa tape, like

Ronnie: still not 💔 mckenna going on about how flush you are since i met you

Joe: amazing how far you can stretch the loans when you steal Soph’s food and do fuck all that ain’t necessary

Joe: not like I actually dated any sugar mommies

Joe: should’ve, clearly but carefree 18-25s are easiest actually

Ronnie: gears necessary now youre gonna have to start stealing more than her pasta shapes

Joe: you’re my manager now, are you 😏

Joe: there’s shit I can do, music gigs, it’s fine

Ronnie: fine for your baby habit

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: alright doom and gloom

Joe: not gonna learn how to cover my teeth yet

Ronnie: fuck off & fuck you

Joe: i’m here so come say it to my face

Ronnie: youre not better than me cos you can nod through a cello practice

Joe: where’d I say I was

Ronnie: when you said how fucking functional you are

Joe: I didn’t, I said I could get cash, that’s all

Ronnie: so can i its not the fucking point

Joe: and I didn’t say you couldn’t so what’s yours

Ronnie: youre not a fucking kid at the pool if youre gonna pussy out cos the waters too cold fucking do it

Joe: I’m in and you know that

Joe: so let me in

Ronnie: bullshit are you

Ronnie: youre proud of yourself for treading water

Joe: you’ve got the plug, I’ve got the cash, what is the problem with that

Joe: it’s an equalizer, if anything

Ronnie: we ll never be equal

Ronnie: you can cover your arm run off to class & pick up another boring girl whenever the fuck you like

Joe: what do you want me to do, seriously

Joe: say it

Ronnie: stop talking

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: [Show up hun]

Ronnie: [I love the idea that they have to wait around for ages for this dealer in awkward silence haha]

Joe: [the casual tension]

Ronnie: [god knows what she’s gonna use to ease the tension with a lil bit o self harm because god knows where they even are, I worry about you and all the infections you would get gal]

Joe: [the casual one-upmanship until you’re interrupted]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not paying him in cash and we know why she’s not please don’t get into another fight Joseph]

Joe: [got to let that one go as she was specifically like you’re not better than me, probably fuck off whilst that happens ‘cos not gonna stick about]

Ronnie: [take your heroin and calm down huns]

Joe: [hope you take enough to pass out ‘cos you’re not gonna be in any sort of mood now either of ya lol]

Ronnie: [we’ll do you both that favour]

[sorin-in-the-sixth-sense]

A list of my favourite fictional grey characters (not in order) SPOILER ALERT!

Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time)

There is a reason why Regina is called «The Evil Queen» She was pure evil. A murderer, a kidnapper, a rapist, how could I like her? Well it wasnt before season 3 I started to like her. It took a lot of time. And I suppose I will never fully love her after she raped Graham for...years... and murdered people - children when she was a tiny bit frustrated. I would even say that she is irredeemable. And I thought her redemtion arc was unrealistic in the beginning, and for God’s sake, she should not have been crowned The Good Queen in season 7. But she tried to change so hard for Henry, she tried to redeem herself. Tried to be a good mother for a change. She saved multiple lives and souls. She didnt completely redeem herself, I must admit it. But she tried so hard and I feel like she deserves something from that. She eventually became a very good mother, even though it was a little late since Henry was already 12 when she became one. She was still a bitter bitch and blamed innocent people for unfortunate things that happened to her (Zelena, Mary Margaret, Emma) but by season 7, she became something more than that. She became half good. Grey. And even though she didnt completely redeem herself, she came close. Also, I love her sassy personality, she should be crowned The Sassy Queen, not The Good Queen.

Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon A Time)

The Dark One who after 7 seasons became one of the greatest heroes in OUAT. The man who was known as the village coward because he ran away from the Ogre War and was too afraid to fight for his wife became one of the bravest men. Like Regina, he was a murderer. He was super manipulative with all his deals and the «all magic comes with a price, dearie» thing. He manipulated people into getting themselves killed. Before he became The Dark One, he was a good man with a pure heart. But the power of the dagger took over him and his heart was all black. He was power sick. He always wanted power, but not for selfish reasons. He felt like he needed power to protect his son Bealfire/Neal and his wife Milah, but when he took that power, the darkness came over him and he, after time, became evil. It wasn’t before he met Belle French his heart showed a little bit of light. As he said, she was his light in an ocean of darkness. Their relationship was problematic and selfish in the beginning. He manipulated her into thinking he changed (which you know i detest *cough* James Potter) Rumple loved power more than he loved her, at least in season 4. He too often chose it over her, until season 6 when he started to properly redeem himself. His redemtion arc took over 300 years but it came in the end. His love for her changed A LOT. In the other seasons, his love was unhealthy and selfish. But in season 6 and 7, he changed a lot. This time it wasnt only for Belle, but Gideon too. They helped him let go of power and in season 7, he tried so hard to get rid of the dagger and the power so that he could live a normal life with his family. And after Belle died, he didn’t return to the dagger or the dark side. He helped the good side to defeat Drizella and the other villians in that season. He even became a father figure to Alice. And in the end he sacrificed himself to save Killian’s (Nook) life. And he got reunited with Belle. He is the most interesting character in OUAT, no doubt there.

Sawyer/James Ford (LOST)

Sawyer is without a doubt one of my fave characters from LOST (after Charlie and John) in his background, he was a thief and manipulated woman to believe he loved them, just to take all their money. (Maybe except Cassidy, since he fell in love with her later, but he still manipulated her AND got her pregnant) He’s a real asshole. Buuut - then he became an entirely different (and better) man. He meets Kate Austen and I feel like his love for her changes his character. In the beginning he was a bit of a perve with her (i mean, walking straight towards her completely naked...) he doesnt develope much in the 1 season, but later (beginning in the 3 season) he becomes quite selfless and protective. In season (was it 4? I dont quite remember) he falls in love again with Juliet Burke, and heeeeell, she was good for him. He also developes a nice relationship with Claire Littleton (platonic) he becomes protective of her. He attemts to comfort Hurley after Charlie’s death. In the rest of the seasons he is the born leader. He puts the team before himself (like when he sacrificed his chance to escape the Island) and in the paralell universe he is absolutely the best.

Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

Okay, no he’s not exactly a grey character since he’s a lot more dark than light, but I love him too much to not put him here. Differently from the other character I’ve mentioned above, Heathcliff doesnt have a redemtion. He died an awful person. He abused and manipulated a lot of people. Before he became this asshole, he was a much better person. He was an ass to those who deserved it (Hindley, That bitch deserved to die so young. Edward was a kind man, but I don’t like him, sooo... nevermind) The way he treated Isabella was sickening and awful, she had every right to leave him and take Linton away and hate him. I Don’t like Isabella, but she never deserved to be treated that way. His love for Cathy was unhealthy, but it was true and he would do so much for her. (They kinda remind me of Snily, so ofc I ship it) Heathcliff went through so much trauma in his life and never recovered. After Cathy died, he was practically dead too, then he killed himself years later. His life made me cry for days, especially the ending. He is such an interesting character with so many layers.

Ulrich Nielsen (Dark)

(Before I say anything, I haven’t finished the entire show yet, so this is gonna be short and probably not 100% correct)

To be honest, I don’t like Ulrich at all as a person. I look at him and I see a fully grown up man with no remorse for what he did to Regina as a teen. He cheated on his wife with a woman he didnt even love. He tried to murder a CHILD who hadnt done anything wrong (yet) because he thought he was going to kill his brother and son in the future (okay, i get why he did it. He was desperate to get Mikkel back and the whole time-tarvelig thing was extremely stressfull) BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING A LOT LESS HARMFULL TO PREVENT EVERYTHING TO HAPPEN. Despite this, i love him as a character. He is so interesting and there are times were I have to remind myself why i dont like him. He is brave and intelligent and... so fucking hot as a teen.

Hannah Kahnwald (Dark)

(Again, havent watched the whole show yet)

This girl is MESSED UP. When she was fourteen, she accused Ulrich of being a rapist, which is a very serious accusation and then blamed it on Regina who she knew was a victim of Ulrich and Katharina’s bullying. She is a home-wrecker, and when Katharina found out about Ulrich cheating on her with Hannah and confronted her, Hannah blamed it on Ulrich and said he pressed her and that she wanted it to end, but he refused or whatever, i dont 100% remember the conversation. But she was also a very good mother to Jonas and she was so sweet to Mikkel/Michael. She is a bitch, so much that its impossible to not like her.

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Saved the best one to last. The guy my whole account is about, ofc he’s on this list, and ofc this is gonna be the longest text.

This guy is a complete asshole. Always has been, always will be. He bullied Harry and Co (mostly Harry and Neville) he was a bitter and sarcastic bitch. He used to be a follower of Voldemort. Even in his youth he had a lot of flaws. We all know he became the bastard he was due to childhood trauma, mental illnesses and manipulation. I believe he had depression, grief and PTSD. At least in his 20’s he was suicidal, and I believe it remained like that til the day he died, because he had no one to help him or give him support. He turned to the dark side in an attemt to make his life better (as many members of gangs do) but he only stayed like that for two years, which is extremely impressive if you know what kind of person Voldemort is. As a 21 year old, Snape was a very different person from what he was as a 38 year old. If he was the way he was as a 38 yr old when Lily, James and Harry was in danger. First of all, he wouldnt start to try to save Lily by asking Voldemort, he would have went straight to Dumbledore, probably with his own brilliant plan on how to save them. Second, he wouldnt hesitate for a second to save James and Harry to. In canon, he needed to have a personal reason to save them, which was Lily’s feelings I believe. As a 38 yr old, he risked his life to save people he hated (Lupin) This is a great character developement. He went from being a selfish bitch, to become a selfless asshole. He was that kind of person who did anything in his power to protect someone, even if that person had nothing to do with winning the war and had nothing to gain himself.

[bahrlee]

Suck the blood from my Wound

Enter: Raph the Womf

🦇🦇🦇chapter 5: Impossible🦇🦇🦇

The next day, the three girls were reported as dead due to…. Throat related injuries. They didnt go into much detail as to not disgust or trigger their viewer's, they just mentioned the basics---they were found in the woods with their throats ripped out, bitemarks present---but still. It left him a little nauseous, and nervous. They were only in kindergarten, and here they were, viciously mangled buy someone in the woods during probably one of the happiest day of their lives. He tried to connect Dook too the crime, that would so obviously point to him, but there was just something so off about it in the first place. Were vampire fangs that strong enough to pull out a little girls trachea? Mitzi would definitely think so, in fact he remembered she said so.

   Even though it was still offputting, he didnt let that ruin his day. He needed to get his house back to its former glory since that weird night. He found it hard to go on with his day, however, since there was an unpleasantness in the air that couldnt be ignored. Everyone all day was looking over their shoulders, hugging themselves, holding their children close to them as they walked down the streets. He has never seen a mother walk so quickly from him, a man with long blonde hair wearing cargo shorts a a shirt with flamingos on it. They were scared of any man, he guessed, since men always seemed to be the killers. Even ones who look like theyd surfed since they were toddlers. Which reminded him that he needed to surf again soon. Ever since Fatz left, he never found the motivation to hop on a board for awhile. But for now, today's goal: paint over the scratches on the wall. He was so happy it was only the paint that chipped, no actually wall damage, because he didnt know how to fix something like that. He wasnt good at fixing things.

   The inside of the store was just as somber. Mothers pulling their kids from the toy isle when they usually let them explore it by themselves, the newspaper wrack was completely empty, things were just so different. It was only one murder, and everyone was losing it, like Ted Bundy was on the loose. And it was only one murder. Well, three, but it was all done at once. Who knows what would happen when or if another one happened? Who knows what would happen if they found out that a possible culprit was a vampire? That was too scary to think about, so he stopped and went to go get him some paint. He didnt even know what to do about the carpet yet. 

   Heck, what was he going to do about anything anymore since the possibilities seemed endless, now that there was a vampire loose through town.

🦇🦇🦇

    He stayed up late, but for the last couple days hes been staying up TOO late, trying to contemplate what he has learned. He just lived his life. Making a deal to become some sort of spy, getting himself involved in a rivalry between two different cryptids who treated it as though it were the civil war, except one of the sides wasnt even aware of what was happening and what the other was planned against them. 

   Just like he predicted, he didnt see him that much. For the first day, he once again had nothing to report to Mitzi. The next day, same thing. He hasn't seen him since their conversation at Roxys. She did return her part of the deal, providing the conversations you usually had with a friend. He even sat in the water with her, so she didnt have to be in such shallow places. That case if anyone walked by they wouldnt see the rest of her. They didnt get too deep, just stories, small talk, interesting things about being a sea monster and vice versa since even though she lived a double life she didnt exactly know too much, the normal stuff. She seemed a little upset he hasn't seen him, but it's not like he was seeking him out every single day. He wasnt a stalker. What a funny turn of events that would be though, if the HUMAN turned out to be the stalker instead of the vampire. That would be interesting. He hoped she didnt cut the deal off, and kept explaining to her why stalking is actually a bad thing, feeling shamefully desperate. But he couldnt help it, he had no friends.

   He crossed his fingers, however, that they would cross paths again, both to satisfy Mitzi, and to see him again. He was so torn, when he spotted him acrossed the room at a comedy club while out with Fatz, he didnt know if he should go up to him. 

🦇🦇🦇

   He preferred to sit in the back of everywhere, appearently. Maybe because it was so dark, and secluded, that he wouldnt be called out by the comic onstage at this particular place. Although it felt so out of place for him to be anywhere in town, or anywhere around town, really. Maybe theres this whole council of vampires, and hes on a mission right now given to him by them. Maybe he just liked to hang out at relatively dark places, or examine the nature of mortals. Or…. Maybe he was looking for his next victim, adult and in the next town this time, to mix it up a little.

   His shoes were glowing this time. Similar to the vintage boots he wore, but this time the stars and crescent moons lit up. That was enough to mesmerize him. 

   "Whatcha looking at there, Beach?" Fatz asked, noticing his glances.

   "Well obviously that boy over there." Esmeralda answered him instead of Beach. That was the thing with her, she answered all of Fatz' questions, even when directed to him, or somebody else. 

   "Hes a new guy. Met him at the movies once." Beach explained.

   "Guess we didnt have to order you food tonight then," Esmeralda quipped. "You got yourself a nice meal right over there."

   "Esme, I tried to flirt with him, okay? It's like flirting with Wednesday Addams child if she had a baby with the Willy Wonka from Tim Burtons awful adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." He angrily drank his coke. 

   "Maybe you're just a bad flirt, you know?" 

   "Oh be quiet, Esmeralda. Beach is fine. Hes charming!" Fatz retorted enthusiastically.

   "If you're so charming, go up to him. Say hi. Buy him a drink." Esmeralda advised.

   "He doesnt drink." Beach quickly reverbed.

   "Well now why doesnt he drink?"

   Because hes a vampire, future Mrs. Geronimo.

   "I dont know. I jus know hes not much for actually living in the moment you know, he just…." He turned and looked at him again, his head so obviously in the clouds. "....Kind of observes everything."

   "You always go for the types that just sit there and look pretty, dont you?" Fatz said. He always questioned his type. The very monotone, 'too cool for school' men who tended to be more introverted and less talkative, two opposites of Beach. He liked his conversations. He was one of the best people to converse with because he kept it going. But he always went for the guys who's social skills were a bit stale. At least that's what Fatz thought, the truth was hes been with men of all kinds, Fztz only saw the shy guys, who were much less sh the more you got to know them. Fatz just tended to hold onto first impressions a little longer than he should.

   "Shut up, quit acting like you know my type." He glowered.

   "Cant deny it, Beach." He shrugged.

   Some friend he was.

   Esmeralda checked the time on her phone. "Fatz, its 10."

   "Oh, what? Its 10 already?" He said.

   "Yeah! We gotta go Beach, we're sorry. We gotta get sleep so we catch our flight to Louisiana for my family reunion tomorrow." She said.

   A little mad that they were leaving, but understanding he had no control over it, he let them leave. He wasnt going to be too petty about it. Speak of Louisiana, however… he turned and saw Dook there, legs crossed, shows glowing---he still couldnt get over that, he wanted glowing shoes now---his eyes fixated on nothing.

   Now that he was alone, he could probably try to talk with him. Mustering up his courage, he stood up, forgetting how tall he was for a moment and feeling a bit clumsy, and walked over to him. He seemed to be really deep in his own mind, because when he said hello, he jumped.

   "Jesus christ!" He exclaimed. "What?!"

   He held up a hand and waved. "Hello."

   He exhaled loudly, giving him the stink eye, genuinely annoyed by his presence. "What the hell are you everywhere I go?" He spoke, putting emphasis on every word.

   "Just find it funny that we find each other everywhere."

   "No, you come up to me, say your shit, trying to get into my pants or whatever."

   These non-mortals sure had some big mouths on them. But he guessed if they cant even get along within their world, of course they dont put any care into their interactions with humans. Was this his life now? Getting yelled at by two overgrown leeches for the rest of his days?

   "No, I just came over here to say I like your shoes." He said. "You dont drink alcohol, but do you drink soda?" He recalled him drinking something at the movies.

   Dook pointed to the soda on the table. "Little too late for that, man."

   Dangit. 

   "Why are you so rude?" He asked him. "Why cant you just talk to me like a normal person without everything coming out of your mouth being a nasty comment? Why cant I just treat you nicely and be treated nicely back, huh?"

   Dook slightly smirked at him. "Ficety."

   Beach was a tad frustrated, but it only made him want to try harder. "No, you're ficety. I'm just trying to talk to you."

   "You a nice guy?"

   "No, I'm Beach."

   And he finally heard him legitimately laugh. He was surprised at how audacious it was, and how much it revealed about him---he was a pretty goofy person. He seemed to be one for jokes, and humor. "Oh my god, alright, you're pretty funny, you can stay I guess. Sit down."

   He obliged, feeling like he just achieved something impossible. 

   "So, Beach, if that's even you're real name, which I know it isnt, go ahead. Make this a speed date. Tell me a-a bit about yourself."

   "Um…. Well…. I like surfing, and writing---I was an english major, actually---"

   "Oh, interesting. Tell me something smart."

   His mind drew a blank.

   "Oh yes, wonderful. Did you uh, drop out or anything?"

   "No, finished all four years. First one in my family not to drop out to persue a career as a rockstar, actually." He babbled, just excited to be getting through to him in any way. 

   "Huh. Interesting. I never went to college." He stirred the straw in his soft drink, smiling modestly.

   "Did you drop out to become a rockstar?"

   He thought for a moment. "Eh, kinda just happened. My dad forced me to play in a band when I was a sophmore. Actually, uh, enjoyed it and decided to stick with it for awhile. After that, I sang with my sister for a bit, and then something happened, and now I'm here."

   "Huh." He knew what the thing was. He was immortalized. "Tell me about her."

   "She lives back home. Three kids. A bit older than me, that's why she already has three. School music teacher." He said.

   "Cool. I have a brother who's much older than me. Not as cool, kinda mean." He sighed.

   "Hm, not very close to anyone, are you? I always see you alone. Guess that's why you bother me a lot." 

   He shook his head. "Yeah, my one friend who was just here a moment ago left, and hes been drifting away a bit. Everyone else is a workmate or an acquaintance." 

   Dook pulled the sleeves to his shirt over his hands and placed them under head chin. He was so obsessed with the way he dressed he couldnt handle it. "No wonder you're up the new guys ass."

   Beach couldnt help be giggle. He was glad he was funny. 

   Dook reached over and grabbed one of those tiny pencils used to fill in Keno cards, and a napkin, and wrote something down. "Guess I'll amuse you for now." He slid it over to him. It was his number. 

   "Oh my god." He did it. It was out of pity, so obviously out of pity, but he got his number.

   And finally, the late night comedy club announced its next act, after a long while of radio silence. The emcee came on stage, everyone cheered, well except for Dook who just glared up at him---well not really glare, he just seemed to have a case of a resting tired face, which wasnt necessarily a bad thing, but it still looked funny---seemingly board of every comedy routines seen tonight.

   "Sorry for the delay everyone, we just had a minor difficulty with some of our guest comics tonight. But thankfully, one of them came prepared. Please everyone, give it up for Rolfe DeWolfe, and his no-so-friendly sidekick, little Earl Schmerle. 

   Once again everyone cheered accept Dook, who's eyes widened, a little stunned by his presence. The comedian, clad in a plaid vest and black undershirt, with a wacky voice and a yellow puppet on his hand, smiled and thanked the audience for being there.

   "I knew he was here." Dook murmured.

   "What---"

   "Beach." 

   "Yeah?" 

   He leaned down, and turned his shoes off. "Can we leave?"

   "Why?"

   His eyes were locked on the comedian in a strange, prey-like state. "Hes not that funny."

   It was very obvious it was not because of that reason, but of course he couldnt point it out. 

   He stood up slowly, creeping quietly (or as quietly one could walk in heels) through the dim room, as Rolfe and the puppet began their routine. Yes, Dook was actually correct, the routine was…. Meh. It made you smile, not laugh. But of course that wasnt the point if the whole thing going on right now, was it? He copied his moves, standing up and moving quietly, this time actually quiet because of the fact he was wearing actual shoes.

   Beach Bear copied him, slinking out of his seat and following him to the door. They slipped out, into the warm night. The way he just…. Stared at him. He was going to take note of that. If only he remembered the name of whomever was onstage. 

   "So um…. What are we doing now?" He asked him.

   "Ummm…. I dont really know." He laughed nervously.

   "What do you know about that person in there?" He asked. "Seemed a little more than 'hes not funny.'"

   He sighed. "You dont wanna know." He said.

   Beach had a few guesses.

   Dook shrugged and looked around, still a little alert. "We can just…."

   "Take a walk?" He guessed. 

   "I mean…. Why not?"

   The more time to get to know him.

🦇🦇🦇

   He dodged any personal questions, and the ones he did answer, he didnt go too deep into it. Simple, vague answers. No names of people, no small anecdotes, no detail. They did just meet anyways, of course he was valid for keeping most things for himself. Beach already knew things he was keeping from him anyways. He seemed a bit more anxious than usual, however, seeing that puppeteer onstage seemed to shake him a bit. Genuinely worried about how disoriented he seemed, he asked him if he were okay.

   "Yeah, I'm fine. If-if I go into it, itll just…" he trailed off.

   "Oh, okay. Just…. Making sure. You need to sit down or something?" 

   He shook his head. "I said I'm fine." He repeated. 

   "Like I said, just making sure." He sighed. 

   He hoped that not every moment between them would have some kind of stale silence between them. It was starting to get annoying at this point. 

 "Wait." Dook stopped, so he stopped, a little confused.

   Dook crouched down and turned back on his shoes. "There. Better." He smiled, as if those shoes were the source of his pride and joy. 

   "Whered you even get those shoes?" He asked him.

   "Goodwill."

   "Huh. Are they battery powered or something?"

   "Yeah. Batteries go in the heels." He said. 

   "You dress very cool."

   "Um…. Okay, uh, thanks I guess." He laughed modestly. "You dress like you play beer pong."

   He snorted, realizing it was entirely true. "But I'm serious. You're just… unapologetically bold in the way you dress. And I can tell you dress because you like it and not for attention, because you certainly dont seem like the type who likes all eyes on them." He explained. 

   "Well, yeah. Nobody can tell me what to wear, so…" he shrugged. "Many people think I'm a girl at first, but…. You know, whatever. I-I like it."

   "Same thing about the mullet?"

   He laughed again, covering his mouth shyly. "I mean…" 

   "It looks good on you though, not everyone can pull off a look like that."

   Dook shrugged, grabbing the long part of his hair. "Yeah. I guess."

   The streets were so serene when they were empty. Even though there was the abduction of three little girls who were found dead the next morning, and he might be standing next to the culprit, the night still felt so welcoming, and calm. Something about the street lights shining down on the sidewalk, the neon of the open signs in almost every window, the clearness of the night sky which he caught Dook glimpsing up at in awe once every few minutes. 

   "You like space?" He asked.

   "Yeah. When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut." He said. "When um… playing with the band I always said I was gonna play with them until I could go to space." He said. "Didn't happen, though."

   "Do you still wanna go there?"

   "I mean, yeah, it would be cool." 

   The way the stars glistened in his eyes as he looked up at them in complete amazement. 

   "I feel the same way about the sea. I wanted to go underwater, like, in a submarine, for my whole life, just to explore. Don't you think it's weird how we know our moon better than our sea?"

   He thought for a moment, looking a little hazed, maybe from the way the waning moon was shining down on them, distracting him from the real world. He seemed to be the type with an imagination. 

   "I can't believe every single one of those is a star up there. Every single one." Dook said. He began wiggling his fingers a bit in excitement. 

   He's never seen him impressed before. Maybe he should try and use space theme pick up lines to flirt, maybe then he'll notice him. But the only one he could think of was the classic your ass is out of this world joke, which he didn't think was a very cool one to throw his way. He might get punched in the face. He also was way too tired of thinking of something. These late night outings were really starting to get to him. It wasn't even that late out, compared to how late he usually stayed out.

   "How close were you to achieving your submarine dream?" He asked him.

   "I surf. That's about as close. I love it." He responded.

   "Ah. The closest I got was space camp as a kid." He ran his fingers through the bangs and his mullet.

   Beach put his hands in his pockets and kicked a rock into the road.

   "Didya try going into biology or something to get into the ocean?" He asked.

   "Oh no, my science grades were…. Not too good. I majored in english." He answered.

   "How old are you?" 

   "23." He said. "What about you?"

   Dook froze for a moment, thinking. Probably doing math in his head, which he probably wasn't very good at, from the way he snuck his fingers out to count. He didn't know why he was assuming so much from the little things, but he was.

   "21." He finally said.

   So he must've been 21 when he was turned into a vampire. And from the looks, it was in the 80s. Now he was wondering a lot. How did one even get turned into a vampire? He tried remembering back to Stoker's Dracula, Sookie Stackhouse, vampire chronicles, heck, even twilight. A bite? Excessive drinking of the blood? Canoodling with your partner, accidentally killing her, because vampires are apparently that strong (he hoped that wasn't the way, if anything that happened in twilight was true he'd probably run over to Stephanie Meyers house and drink HER blood)? All these questions he couldn't ask, because he didn't tell him. It was probably a very hard thing to tell in the first place. Mitzi was always incognito, and had a human end a close friendship with her once they found out about her secret, so he wasn't too surprised Dook was the same way. Mitzi was merely a teen, but Dook has been around for awhile---how many times was his heart broken by both partners and friends fearing him once they found out? 

   "So you're a drummer, right?" Beach asked. He couldn't be in his own head for too long.

   "Yeah?" He said.

   "Howd you get into drumming?"

   "Band. You know…. School band."

   "Huh, cool. I played Tenor sax."

   "So you like Rush and have a strong disliking towards cornets." He assumed.

   "Stereotypes, really?"

   He shrugged. "What? You know it's true."

   "Well then…. Since you're a percussionist I believe that you yell yeehaw any chance you get, have weak lungs, and have an affinity for Oingo Boingo."

   He looked to his side with a knowing smile. "I mean I do like Oingo Boingo---"

   "HA!"

   "What? You just proved my point!"

   They both started laughing, the feeling of their bond growing a bit stronger. 

   "What chair were you?" He asked.

   "Always like…. Second. Third. I'm not the best. And…. Lemme guess, you were first chair a-and got all the solos?"

   He shrugged. "We only had two in the top band, what can I say?" 

   He liked the constant laughter between them. It was a good sign, he believed. Laughter was an important step to any kind of relationship. If you couldn't see yourselves traveling the world as a comedic duo, what was the point? So his Hope's were set high, just as a love sick gay person should be. 

🦇🦇🦇

   When they walked back to the club (both of their cars were there, they couldn't just walk home), Dooks goodbye was surprisingly hasty. Maybe he didn't want to encounter that guy that was here earlier, in case he was still loitering about, because his eyes carried the same alertness they did at the moment he spotted him. But he had his number now, an all powerful thing that Mitzi would be very happy to hear. He went to his car, very proud of what he accomplished, happy he finally got through to him enough to get to know a little more. When he had his hand on the handle, however, he heard something… interesting. A struggle of a woman was what he could compare it most to. He heard a male voice, one that wasn't Dooks, saying something. Remembering Dooks quick exit off of centerstage, he was inclined to follow the sound. He followed it to the side of the building, where he could clearly hear a woman's muffled screams. He could also hear the words from the other, currently disembodied voice, urging on whomever had her pinned.

   "You want to starve, Dook? You can't just not feed for three months then go purge on woodland creatures for the next week!" The voice scolded. 

   Against the wall, he peaked over the corner, and saw the sight of Dook with a terrified blonde against the wall, fangs out, the pure look of struggle, and willpower in his face as he bit his lip, as to resist his urge to plunge them into her neck. The other dude was the comedy man, mister Ralph whats-his-name (man no wonder he was performing in a small comedy parlor in a small town in florida), was trying to egg him on to make the kill. Dook opened his mouth, obviously starving, but unwilling to bring harm upon the poor, unsuspecting patron, and turned away, dropping her to the ground. She shot up and scrambled away, probably scared for life. He turned back around the corner, hoping he wasn't spotted. 

   "Come on, Dook!" Comedian guy huffed at him. "Why can't you just be like every other vampire planet? Why do I have to force I yoh human blood?!"

   "I mean…. ED?" He responded, scared but able to respond in his usual way.

   "You were turned into a vampire to get rid of that." He groaned, tired, but seemingly used to his sass.

   "Well that didn't work, did it---" there was a thump against the wall.

   He turned to peak again. This time it was Dook against the wall. He had a hold of him with his shirt. He pulled out something in his pocket, and from closer examination, he made out the classic---a wooden stake, fit to kill any vampire with a stab to the heart. He lightly placed it against his chest, Dook visibly shaking, and struggling with all his might. 

   "You'll reap what you sow, Dook. If you don't follow orders, if you don't keep yourself alive for the better of your kind, you'll pay." He threatened.

   Dook brought up his leg and kicked his stomach, the comedian losing grip on him and falling back, the stake falling to the ground.

   "My kind is human, got it? I'm not doing anything for a vampire, or a werewolf, or-or for anyone, really!"

   "Was human, Dook. You're one of us now, and you have to accept it. You do the duties bestowed upon you, I wouldn't be on your tail all the time!" He got up.

   "Fuck you." He replied. The comedian screamed and threw his fists at him, only smacking against the brick as Dook flew out of the way. 

   "I can't believe I was assigned to you, my god!" He seethed. 

   "Then LEAVE!" He shouted.

   "I won't, because I'm not disobeying my orders! It's my job to keep people like you in check and I'm sticking by it until the end of time, like what i'm supposed to do. I'm going to keep following you until you feed on humans, turn humans, and be grateful you died in our hands."

   They both stared at each other silently, eyes fixed on the other with intimidating adrenaline. 

   "If you don't, you're dead. And I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure you don't up and head out of town this time."

   "You wish."

   He grabbed him by the shirt again, and began pulling him to the front. 

   Terrified, he turned back around, eyes wide.

   Mitzi was gonna have a ball, hearing this.

[saraa-lancee]

So what issues would you like them to tackle that hasn’t already been done on the show before?

(I just want to say this is my first ask ever and I've been here since... God maybe 2013? So thank you!!)

I would LOVE to see a new dimension to sexuality. I'm also casually of the team that's "Sara herself should say Bisexual" because Bisexual has only been said once on screen and Nate said it casually.. We have a scene where Sara says tells Nurse Lindsay that Lesbian isn't a bad word yet the show kinda doesn't act that way about Bi. Bi erasure is an issue that would be interesting-- since Sara is with Ava, it would be neat to have some line of "i didn't pick a team" or just along the lines of Still Bi With A Woman.

(They also missed an opertunity with Charlie to use neutral pronouns of some kind)--> a discussion further on gender identity would be cool too. There are casual set ups for this with Charlie, like in the Shakespeare episode, but nothing is ever really taken completely seriously or honestly even explicitly. I would really enjoy a nonbinary or intersex narrative in this particular context because I feel like the team of legends (as the people the characters are) would fit really nicely with that. But it would be cool to have a trans character that Gideon helps? Because the arrowverse trans character (in Supergirl-- Nia) is already transitioned. It would be cool to have a transitioning characer in a really casual way even (a particular scenario would be New Character leaving sickbey while someone else walks in. Other person asked if New is feeling OK and New just says like "oh yeah, just my hormones.). But yeah anything with gender identity.

I always hunger for more disability stories, but based on how they Wrote Sara's blindness... yikes. I remember watching a panel or something on YouTube about how Caity was hoping that Sara was at least going to have a cane or be shown to struggle with some stuff, but the writers ignored all of that. So its kind of touchy based on that but I think it would be really neat to have someone with a prosthetic (or even just an amputation, someone born without a limb, etc.)-- it would be a beautiful narrative about 'Gideon can literally grow you a new arm' and that character firmly saying no, this is me, having this difference doesn't make me less, you aren't "fixing" me because I'm not broken, I like myself, etc, whatever.

I know that for me personally one of the best things about the show is that Sara and Ava don't have to come out, and everyone just treats them like normal, but I think some kind of homophobia narrative would be good, not to a big extent but just to the extent like in S1 when Kendra and Ray move in 1950s and that dynamic only with the girls. Like, for the show to acknowledge homophobia in such a direct way, as they did with interracial relationships. This beyond the obvious homophobia of the Nazis. (I personally can't think of an aspect where its implied, but sometimes I can miss or misinterpret implicated stuff like that).

I would love to see a return to POC cultures and narratives (narratives outside of racism) S1 with Kendra and Carter and the Egyptian culture aspect, Amaya and Zambesi aspect. We see a tad bit of this with Zari and the bollywood scene, and Japan post WW2, but they are more side aspects now. It would be neat to go to India or other places in southeast Asia (culturally), or Central/South America. Overall, I would just like to see more of that cultural aspect because human culture is something that interests me a lot and I feel like can be easily casually thrown in with time travel--- traditional clothes, buildings, and ideals (an example of the ideals is the discussion in feudal Japan about the cultures views on death).

I feel like there was a lot of potential with Hank and Sara to continue that discussion about women in power. Yes, we have discussed this before. We do it a lot in second season with the JSA and even Jonah Hex but I think Hank had a lot of potential to add a dimension to that discussion. (honestly see next paragraph for more). That whole episode with the Minotaur i would have loved if they'd been a bit more explicit with that-- yes, obviously a woman can be in charge (in Hanks mind) but he has the right to walk in there and take over because her experience doesn't matter and also we will do whatever he wants. Sara spends almost the whole time just rolling her eyes and bitting her tongue besides a light quip in the beginning asking if a girls ever punched him. in the past Sara has literally exerted dominance over men so I was just kind of disappointed with that dynamic. I love the character of Sara as an "unconventional woman" or a "strange friend" and I've noticed comments like that pretty much stopped after the 3rd season. I know some people hated those comments but I think they can be good. I enjoyed them and would like to see them again because it's literally just Sara being unapologetically herself, a strong woman, doing whatever she does, no matter how weird or unconventional it is. (Which is an integral part of Saras character to me)

BUT its also not necessarily "new" issues. Issues don't go away in real life-- we had multiple issues about Race in America with Jax, from different points in history (Slavery and the 1950s). Jax even mentions how he still experiences Rascism today. The issues don't go away and just because they are mentioned once doesn't mean they can't (and shouldn't) be examined from other points in history. IE just because the show has talked about it before doesn't mean we can't talk about it again from a different angle and/or perspective.

I see a lot of potential with Astra with the racism thing (people are nicer to me in literal Hell) but it also would have been interesting with Mona, to show a different type of racism would have been INCREDIBLE.

I also can think of maybe a scene or two that would have just been a nice touch with Zari (either one, but I have a soft spot for Zari 1.0, and I think with her life as an illegal Muslim would have been an enriching perspective) as a Muslim. They are very good to her character in the way that she obviously abstains from Liquor and Pork, and observes Ramadan. But one thing that would have been interesting is for Zari to experience early 2000s (or honesty still right now) xenophobia. Especially Z1 since being a Muslim is Illegal in 2045 there was a lot of emotional potential there. (Although I feel like I can understand why the writers didn't want to touch that because of current conflicts).

Since we're going to outer space (that was actually confirmed right? Or was it just hinted and I misread??), I think issues will have to be character driven rather than time period driven. But therin we have a lot of potential-- a race of aliens without distinct genders (wait, so your worth can be dictated based off of your genitals?? Plus sexuality stuff there), aliens confused about race (I don't understand some of your skins are different colors... and your people treat each other differently based on this?). We could introduce a matriarchal society, which the crew with Captain Lance feel particularly unphased by. Perhaps we have a completely pacifist society or aliens made of inorganic materials (debates about what constitutes as alive, what lives are meaningful, etc.) You get the idea(I adore star trek so you can imagine my glee thinking about some of those scenarios).

I think for me, the hard shift to comedy was at the expense of some of my favorite aspects of the show and also things that set it apart. This Found Family is so rewarding because they are all so so different but those differences enrich each other. They become better people and feel at home without having to change who they fundamentally are. And they are whoever they want to be. I feel like now the show has simply had an incredibly jarring tone shift thats trying too hard to be a comedy. (This one is just an opinion but a joke among all the serious is always just a lot more funny to me. I find myself laughing more at one liners and random stuff in the early seasons. Now it feels like 'ok, what's the next ridiculous thing.')

I think... humanity is pretty dark. But humanity also rises above. This is why I adore the episode from post WW2 Japan and to me it personally really stands out from other episodes in s4/s5. The idea of creating and destroying, pain and sadness locked inside, terror and hatred for the beings you share the planet with. That pain creates monsters. Sometimes by accident. (Sara's pain turned her into the version of herself she called a monster.). And also about embracing your passions (Mick hiding his writing). In that episode, we still have jokes about Godzilla. Garima appears and its hilarious. But it's also an incredibly powerful narrative about pain and fear and shame and gives a perspective that the western audience wouldnt... necessarily think about (the actual consequences and what the bomb actually literally did.).

That darkness makes the light so much more meaningful. If everything becomes light... than why are we still fighting?

Sorry if this is jumbled, I'm on mobile so.

Also, sorry if this is a rant or whatever. I am very passionate about this topic and oh boy if I was on a computer and had the time I'd probably repondd with a link to a doc.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hello lovely people! Could you rec some fics where the Pack fucks Up and stiles is just so done so he leaves and the Pack regrets it and stiles makes them work and earn his forgiveness? Please it would be greatly appreciated and I love you all!

AND

Anonymous said:hey you know the "stiles leaves and comes back badass" trope? so do you have any fics to recommend?? it can be Sterek, Steter, Steterek or no ship at all

AND

Anonymous said:I have an obsession with Gerald tortures Stiles fics where Stiles leaves and comes back stronger! Can you recomment me some more, pls? ^-^

AND

roseymoonlit said:Do y’all know of any fics where stiles and Peter leave beacon hills together and fall in love or stiles comes back after leaving the pack and fall in love?

Soooo many Stiles is Kicked Out of the Pack! - Anastasia

On Pack, On Family, On Love by AlexTheShipper

(1/1 I 1,342 I General I Sterek)

Stiles doesn't feel he's truly part of the pack, and Jackson doesn't help the problem. Derek has something to say on the matter.

pack of two by ScarSacrifices

(1/1 I 1,735 I Not Rated I Steter)

“You’ll be alright. No one can hurt you now,” Peter breathed out clutched the sobbing boy to his chest. Peter took a shaky breath and smoothed his hand down the boy’s hair making low shushing sounds as he did so. “Just listen to my heartbeat sweetheart, I’m here. You’re not alone,” he clutched him tighter, “not anymore.”

Theif by Lady_Poison_Heart

(1/? I 1,934 I General I No Pairing)

After months of neglect stiles knew his pack bonds were going to break soon, and his father wouldnt miss him. So he runs away and finds himself in New York and turns to pick pocketing as a way to feed himself. One run in with a pair of avengers later he finds himself being stalked, and with tension brewing between stiles and the local wolf pack, things arn't going to end well for stiles.

The Murder Weapon by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (somanyofthekids)

(1/1 I 2,183 I Teen I Stetopher)

Is the murder weapon guilty?

Black Out Days by Maifire

(5/? I 4,343 I Not Rated I Sterek)

He made his way towards the kitchen, twiddling a light bulb in between his fingers and pausing in the doorway. This was so stupid. The invites had gone out weeks ago, and since then Scott hadn’t given him the time of day. Stiles knew it had to do with the pack, but it still hurt. It wasn’t easy being the only human in a group of werewolves, but honestly what was he expecting? After Scott had been bitten, nothing was the same.

Someone who understands by SnazzyJazzyH

(1/1 I 5,004 I Teen I No Pairing)

“What are you doing here Stiles?” Jackson questioned, more confused than annoyed.

“I-I didn’t know where else to go,” Stiles shuffled looking down at his feet.

Jackson had never seen Stiles this beaten down. It was like everything that life could have possibly thrown at him had been. Something had to have happened that was unthinkable to turn this unbreakable boy into a shell standing before Jackson.

“Get in here,” Jackson opened the door wider, welcoming Stiles in.

The Lost and the Found by Levi_Winchester

(2/? I 5,604 I General I Sterek I MCD)

Stiles tried to turn their opinions of him around, but it didn't matter. It was time for him to embark on a journey on his own, a journey that could change the way everyone saw him for good. Could Stiles balance the Scales of Good and Evil? Or is he destined to fall into darkness?

--or--Stiles gets hurt really bad and Derek decides to bench him until further notice, but Stiles leaves town after meeting some relatives who can teach him how to master his magic. Chaos ensues.

Outrage by Mittymitty

(2/? I 7,334 I Teen I Sterek)

“Stiles—“ his father tried but was ignored as Stiles continued to rant.

“You ignore me all fucking year! Told me I was a waste of space! Told me it was my fault that mom died! Now, Mr. AA is so much better than me because I’m “moody!?” Fuck you! I’m angry! Why do you hate me, why do you fucking—“ Stiles suddenly stopped and began to truly hyperventilate and between his harsh breaths and sobs John could hear him say “why do you hate me?” over and over and the ex-sheriff’s heart broke right then and there and he began to cry to.

“B-breathe, son. It’s going to be ok. I love you so much and I am so sorry I treated you that way. I am so sorry. I swear spending some time in New York is going to do you some good.”

*********Stiles is an angry, over stressed, depressed and moody teenager and his father believes that sending him to New York with his half-brother will help him relax and get a new point of view.

Who needs them anyway by Midnightbluejay

(8/? I 9,838 I General I Sterek)

After the whole thing with Gerard, saving Jackson and him finally becoming a werewolf but still part kanima, and Allison and Scott patching things up, Stiles thought his life was returning to normal sorta. Then when he was gonna go for a pack meeting about some supernatural creature, but instead it was about him.

Blue Moon by Merlin_Wolfgang_Trades_Hale

(4/? I 10,221 I Not Rated I Stiles/Others)

After the events of the Nogistune, the Sheriff thinks Stiles needs a break. The pack's being distant and he's being left with too much time on his hands by himself, so he doesn't fight too hard when his dad sends him away. Where is he going? Well, an old buddy of his owes him a favor and he's calling it in. Who's that buddy?

Charlie Swan, Sheriff of Forks, Washington.

You can't protect me by Lansfics7

(4/? I 11,333 I Teen I Stydia)

Stiles is kicked out of the pack. Turns out it's a false alarm when everyone tries convince him to rejoin, claiming they did it to protect him. When he leaves to learn more about his spark and vows to leave Beacon Hills to figure things out, that's when he's needed most. Stiles has to chose between staying with his comfortable life, or helping his old friends.

Find Who You Are by mizaki

(16/? I 14,176 I Not Rated I Steter)

Stiles and Scott have a nasty break, Scott blames Stiles. Stiles needs some space, time. Stiles feels broken down, he wants to be stronger. Stiles wants to find out what he can do to help his family and friends.

Comes and Goes by toyoto031999

(12/? I 16,739 I Not Rated I Sterek I Rape)

It takes a lot for people to break. And Stiles is at his breaking point.

Meet a Small Death by authoresswithoutwords

(2/2 I 16,991 I Not Rated I Steter)

So, fighting monsters again and again, and being in a pack full of werewolves, is not exactly the recipe for a healthy human being to grow old. It actually only was a matter of time before Stiles fell. It may have been surprising, but no surprise.What was a surpise is that Stiles woke up again.

It seems wasted now by DaaroMoltor

(6/? I 20,082 I Teen I Sterek)

It's been months. Months of lonely days and lonelier nights. And Stiles can't understand what he did wrong.

A Healing Silence by HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere

(28/28 I 36,334 I Not Rated I Sterek)

Stiles is slowly pushed out of the pack following his fight with Scott about Donovan's death. After receiving a phone number from an old friend, Stiles is surprised to find that it belongs to the one person who may be able to bring him back to himself.

Lost on you by devilscut

(7/7 I 51,322 I Mature I Sterek)

A deadly encounter with an Alpha changes Stiles' life forever - kicked out and betrayed by his best friend and brother, Scott McCall, he leaves Beacon Hills, but much to his surprise not alone. Ten years down the track, living a life he never dreamed possible, a chance meeting brings back memories of that night - the good and bad mixed with a whole lotta WTF that even now still has him scratching his head as to what happened.

Those Are The Days That Bind Us by s_a_m

(5/5 I 52,171 I Mature i Sterek)

His father wasn’t stupid. He was an officer of the law, trained to look for patterns. He confronted Stiles about werewolves and they shouted and Stiles tried to explain but his father was so, so, so mad, more mad than Stiles had ever seen him, ever in all his life and then his father looked at him and said,

“It’s like you’re not my son anymore.”

And Stiles broke.

To Walk the Long Road Home by AnAceAJokerAndAQueen

(31/? I 54,369 I Mature I Scallison)

Stiles goes to the Pack for an ordinary Pack meet, but what he finds out is not what he expected.

The Weight of the World by Belladdictedd

(25/? I 128,513 I Not Rated I Steve Rogers/Stiles)

Stiles had never known more to his life than the pack. Thus, when the pack decided he's too much of a collateral damage, he runs. While running from his past, he stumbled his way into S.H.I.E.L.D and somehow managed to squirm his way into the hearts of The Avengers, especially a certain Captain's.

When he had finally amount to a life worth living, the world just had to crash and burn. He and The Avengers are humanity's last hope--a heavy burden to bear with hard decisions to make, all while dealing with his old pack. Sometimes, you just can't save everyone; Stiles learned that the hard way.

Alpha, Mage, Pack by Foxfire2018

(25/? I 297,331 I Explicit I Sterek I Rape)

Set at the end of Season 2. Stiles was kidnapped and tortured for hours. Yet no one came for him. Hurt and cast out of the pack by people he thought cared for him, what is he to do? He finds himself accompanied by someone he never expected and someone he is eternally grateful for.Derek feels betrayed and foolish for what he allowed to happen. Out of anger and hurt he forced a valuable member he really started to care for out of his pack.With the pack scattered and people hurt, what will come of them? Will they bond together again in time for the next big bad?

[mare-sanguis]

Monty x Winston OS Part II. Its a bit canon divergent- packed with my own opinion. So I dont argue with anyone about it. The first one was with present! Winston talking to dep. Standall, now its him talking to Clay.

He raised his head for a few seconds as Jessica said "My name is Jessica Davis and I'm a survivor."

After these words he lowered his head again, hearing another 3 female students saying the same words.

The 4th one....the 4th one was Tyler. He stood up after Clay entered the hall. His voice was shaking- Monty didnt know what to feel for him, this whole situation. He knew Jessica was aware of what he did and he absolutely hated himself for this. He knew that he did something wrong- now. He exactly knew what went wrong for him to do something like this. And Bryce ending their friendship was one reason. Its not an excuse for such things. In fact, it was his own fault- his own short bad temper. An he knew he need to do something about it.

But this wasnt about Tyler, nor Bryce or whos at fault- this was about someone else.

He looked down at his hands, the names and words of the other students passing by. Not even hearing Justin. He felt how Charlie was looking at him- it made Monty fucking nervous.

And then he heard a familiar voice. His voice. Winston.

"My name is Winston Williams- and I'm a survivor."

All eyes turned to him- even Monty was now looking up. Straight into Winstons eyes.

He heard whispers all across the hall- nobody expected one from a well behaved school - Hillcrest - to stand up.

Monty was furious. Who hurt him? When? Why didnt he notice?

He was still sitting at his place, Charlie now gone. Talking to Justin.

He kept looking for Winston- and then he catched him, talking to another student.

He didnt care what others would think of him- not now. He just wanted to talk to him. So he stood up and walked towards him.

"Winston." He approached him. "Can I talk to you for some minutes? Alone... if you want to?"

He turned his head towards him- and smiled his soft smile.

"Of course we can talk."

He waved a goodbye to the student he talked to and walked away with Monty. They sat down on a bench in the hall.

"So... I heard you saying these words. Do you mean them?" He couldnt look at him.

"Yeah... I wouldnt lie about something like this. Its a serious topic. Why?"

"Why?... because... I think I'm worried. I dont know. Is everything all right?"

"Now it is. It was years ago"- he lied about that.

"Right... now it is." Monty repeated his words.

He heard footsteps approaching them.

"What are you doing there Monty? Leave him alone"

He turned around his head just to look at Jessica who was standing right before them.

Winstons was in his defensive mode.

"We're just talking."

Monty nooded insecure.

"Talking? I doubt that. Go away. You still dare to come here after all."

"Its ok- we really were just t[...]"

"What ever- shes right. I should go and never come back."

As he was about to leave, the last words he heard were "Clay Jensen? Clay Jensen I have a warrant for yout arrest of the murder of Bryce Walker."

This day he made a decision. To visit Winston one last time.

________________

"Monty just wanted to talk to me that day in school. Jessicas words did something with him- he visited me at home. Told me he wanted to turn himself in. He didnt want to tell what it was about. And he left. The same evening I got a message from him- that the police is going to take him away. For sexual assault- at that moment, he didnt know you and your friends framed him for murder. He was sorry, he told me he was absolutely sorry for letting him down- he asked me why I would let someone like him into my life and if he still has a home with me. I responded but he never answered- this is when I knew he was gone. Taken by the police. I dont excuse anything he did- I know its all wrong. But I'm still his home. Clay- I ask you. Is it ok to frame a dead guy? Is it ok for the world not to know the real culprits? Everyone has to pay for the wrongs they do. Just because they are your friends doesnt mean you can cover them up. Monty died knowing the cops framed him for Bryce murder. Its not ok to kill someone, its not ok to rape someone. Its not ok to abuse your own kid because they dont live up your expectations. Its a chain reaction. I lied to Monty the moment I said "It was years ago. While... in fact, these were almost fresh wounds."

Winston stood up from the place he was sitting at, shaking his head.

"I hope one day you will get that it was wrong."

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt.2

Seyoons eyes widened very slightly as he saw the group of people approaching him and Jun. Just that small change was enough for his expression to go from neutral to barely masked disbelief and panic.

"Oh hi Seyoon, Jun you tagged along too!" Guerin greeted them with a smile framed by a deep red tint on her lips and glitter eyeshadow. She acted as though she didn't notice the face Seyoon was making or why he would possibly be making it.

"You brought HEET! And Charlie!" Jun exclaimed with a grin as they all bowed in greeting. Jun felt the opposite of Seyoon, he was amused at the predicament his member was put in.

"I thought it would be a good idea to have more people with us so it wouldnt be mistaken for something it's not. This way it looks like the boys are here to hang with Sunbaes and I have a friend along to keep me company!" Guerin explained.

"There are zero things wrong with your plan." Seyoon said with a hollow smile, frantically checking his bank account mentally. He had brought Jun along for the same reason with the promise of a meal, but hadn't planned on Guerin having a similar idea on a much larger scale.

The group was lead to a table, Guerin and Charlie across from Seyoon and Jun at the end, and the five boys in HEET filling in the rest. Guerin had made sure to call in advance to request a private area so they could eat as peacefully as possible. Everyone opened menus and began chattering excitedly about what to order. Seyoon tried not to look at prices or mentally calculate what everyone was suggesting.

"Guerin, he's suffering. This is so mean." Charlie said in English to her friend.

"I know! Honestly I thought he was going to say something before now. It's not as fun if he doesn't put up any kind of fight." Guerin muttered back in English. Seungbin next to Charlie had understood pretty well, most of HEET was able to practice their english quite a bit with their manager and fellow member Gabriel therefore were able to get the gist.

"You didnt tell him he doesnt have to pay?" Seungbin gasped.

Minhwan hid a smile "Is that why he has so much stress?"

Jun and Seyoon had looked up curiously at the sudden change in language, realizing after a moment they were intentionally being left out of some sort of joke. Guerin was hushing the younger boys as some looked shocked while others were amused, Charlie glanced across at Jun and offered a definitely-not-hiding-anything smile that was not convincing before nudging Guerin. Both Jun and Seyoon had adopted the cheery but somewhat vacant expressions that was so common with idols when they tried not to give away they had no idea what was being said.

Guerin sighed as her guilt overcame her, "Seyoon-ah, I'm not actually expecting you to pay for this meal." She confessed cursing her inability to follow through with pranks, "I have our company card, this is a networking meeting so I can write it off. Just make sure you talk to HEET about some work stuff."

Seyoon was torn feeling relieved and offended. For starters it really was a lot of people to pay for, especially considering what orders had been discussed. That being said he had some pride, the point is that he had lost and needed to pay up. All of these conflicting thoughts resulted in his saying, "Ahhh...." as he processed his reactions. Jun needed no such thoughts and instead guffawed readily at his hyungs predicament, earning him an annoyed pinch on the arm.

"How about you get coffee after dinner instead" Charlie said, tossing a social life raft to the conflicted man.

"I think that's fair." Guerin added quickly realizing too late how her prank might be considered an insult.

Seyoon hesitated for a moment then agreed, "Might as well accept the company paying when we can." He said to play off his hesitation.

"Attaboy!" Guerin exclaimed in English before pausing, "I'm not sure how to translate that."

"Deal?" Gabriel attempted helpfully.

"Yeah! Sure close enough!" Guerin exclaimed' "So are we ready to order now that Seyoonie is less freaked out?"

Seyoon didnt even have a moment to try and protest as the others all agreed with an eagerness to order. He shot a psuedo salty expression at Guerin and the two of them exchanged petulant faces as the server took the order from Jun.

Minhwan, the leader of HEET, and the closest to the grill took on cooking the meat but no one could beat Guerin for enthusiasm of stuffing perilla leaves and feeding everyone. Each of the members of HEET made sure to feed her and Charlie. They recognized the young boys desire to return the love.

"You're kidding." Guerin said, eyeing the overstuffed perilla wrap Seyoon offered her. It was clearly a challenge to see if she would take such a large amount of food as an expression of affection.

"You dont like it?" Seyoon asked with an overdone pout.

While all the others were able to read what a clown he was being, it seemed lost on Guerin. "Do I really need to eat that?" Guerin muttered in English to Charlie.

"Yes. Absolutely. You deserve this." Charlie responded, knowing would be fun to see Guerin suffer a little at the hands of her prey. Guerin leaned forward with an "Ah" and Seyoon stuffed the food into her mouth. It barely fit but she did manage to bite his finger playfully, winking as he yanked his hand back, feigning injury and horror. Guerin had to cover her mouth as she desperately tried not to laugh, choke and die on the massive amount of food she now had to chew through. Tears came to her eyes as Seyoon jumped out of his chair and bounced behind it in laughter. Once the danger had passed and she was able to swallow she leaned back, exhausted. Jun had to wipe his tears as he clung to a concerned looking Tobio next to him.

"Please don't die Noona, we won't have anyone to open our jars anymore." Minhwan teased. Guerin didnt even look up as she blindly tossed a balled up napkin at the snarky leader bouncing it harmlessly off his face, startling him.

"Maybe if you didnt have the strength of a toddler you wouldn't need to be so worried." Guerin added, looking up and batting her eyelashes innocently in his direction punctuating the mood with a bite of food.

"Rest in peace Minhwan." Byoungjin said expressionless through a mouthful of food as Minhwan feigned death in his chair and the other members of HEET tittered, "You know not to provoke Noona. She will end you."

After the meal everyone made their way to the Han River to get some coffee and digest. HEET, Jun and Charlie played by the river while Guerin and Seyoon made the trek to get coffee.

"I can pay for the others you only owe me coffee!" Guerin protested after their order had been placed.

"No, one coffee isnt equal to the original deal." Seyoon knocked her hand away.

"It doesn't matter, come on!" She slipped into English for a moment.

He snatched her card out of her hand, forcing his own toward the cashier who looked completely nonplussed by this show. His face was mostly hidden by a mask but she could see his triumphant smirk in his eyes that remained in place until he got his card back and put it into his wallet.

"You are so stubborn." She accused him, following him to a table and reaching for her card. He had been in the process of handing it back to her when he heard her comment and snatched it out of her reach again. "I'm stubborn? Do you have any room to talk?"

"Ya! Give that back to me!"

"No, you have to apologize."

"For what? Telling the truth? You want me to lie and say you arent stubborn?"

Seyoon wasn't tall enough to hold it out of her reach and the two had begun a series of semi circles dodging around each other in a game of keep away. Neither of them able to hold a straight face despite their bickering. After one particularly zealous grab Seyoon stepped backward into a chair, tripping. Without thinking Guerin stepped forward, grabbing his arm and coat to steady him. Their eyes met as he was able to straighten up, as close as they had been while arm wrestling. Her heart clenched tightly at the proximity and physical contact, a feeling she was familiar enough with to know she needed to avoid it.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Seyoon nodded without breaking eye contact as she released him and moved back a step.

"Geez that was super loud I hope we didn't bother anyone. How embarrassing." She laughed and rubbed the back of her neck, grateful that she didn't blush. Seyoon glanced around at the empty shop but didnt mention there wasnt anyone to bother.

"Let's go check on the coffee." Guerin said, turning to head back to the counter.

Before she had taken a step Seyoon grabbed her wrist. Shocked, she looked back at him, her heart pounding tightly. He showed her the forgotten credit card he had stolen and placed it in her hand. Letting go, he booped her nose with a wink and walked to the counter.

Guerin's shock came out as a weird giggle at the unexpected action, and she took the time to put her card back in her wallet as a means to allow her heart rate to return to normal.

Once everyone had gotten their coffee, Seyoon, Jun and Heet settled under a gazebo while Guerin and Charlie had meandered to a nearby playground to sit on some swings. Jun was talking and giving advice while HEET was asking questions. Seyoon was participating but distracted. Playing around with Guerin seemed so natural, she was comfortable and friendly. But he kept having moments where they'd get close and... he blinked his eyes wide, looked up at the gazebo roof and shook his head as though it might cause those thoughts to rattle out of his brain. He wasnt naive enough to not know what these feelings were, but it certainly complicated things. He began flicking each finger in a row and forced himself to focus back on the conversation.

Instead, as fate seemed against him, a large cicada flew just past his peripheral vision and he felt a gentle weight tug at his hair. Having flown through the group in order to accomplish it's unfortunate landing all seven of the idols grouped together saw it happen. Seyoon seemed frozen in place for a moment, Gabriel laughed outright and everyone else screamed. Jun had hopped up and scampered so fast Seyoon couldnt even see him, Byoungjin and Tobio clung to each other and stared in horror, Minhwan had tried to jump up and tripped over Seungbin who had launched himself in his hyungs direction.

Time didnt seem to exist anymore as Seyoon panicked, too afraid to move, hands clenched tightly into fists in front of his hunched shoulders, eyes wide and staring straight down. Footsteps approached at a sprint and he heard a commanding voice.

"What's wrong?"

"I know I shouldn't like him, he's an idol." Charlie held the chains of the swing, gazing into the sand she absentmindedly dug the toes of her shoe into, "But he's just so cute and friendly."

Guerin leaned back, holding her feet forward next to her friend, face toward the sky, "Yeah. It can be complicated." She couldnt help an ironic smile at the understatement, "But Jun seems like a sweetheart so it's not like anyone can blame you for having a crush." Sitting up again she leaned toward her friend conspiratorially, "I think you should enjoy your feelings. Revel in them. Maybe he returns them maybe he doesn't. Either way it's kind of fun right?"

Charlie smiled back and shrugged, but before she had a chance to respond the screaming started. Guerin immediately took off toward the commotion, seeing all the idols in varying levels of panic except one in inexplicable mirth. "What's wrong?" She demanded, unintentionally slipping into authority mode. Between some members pointing and others yelling or gasping about "flying" "hair" "insect" Guerin's eyes went to Seyoon who had frozen. She was facing his profile and the view was perfect to see the cicada dangling from his hair.

"Are you serious?!" She deflated, coming down from her high, Guerin couldn't help letting out a relieved laugh. Charlie had caught up and as soon as she understood the situation dissolved into laughter as well.

"Oh my god. Hold still." Guerin walked over to Seyoon and picked up the cicada before walking to a tree a few feet away and letting it fly away.

As soon as the bug was gone Seyoon was up, dancing around uncomfortably. He felt crawlies all over him and wanted the sensation out of him. By the time Guerin walked back, Jun had reappeared laughing off his reaction, Tobio was looking concerned but back to his stoic self, Byoungjin and Minhwan looked sheepish and Seungbin was balled up into himself for comfort while Gabriel cackled. Charlie stopped laughing long enough to ask Seyoon if he was okay to which he gave an emphatic, "I dont like insects!" Response.

Guerin looked at Charlie and in English managed to say, "These grown ass men!" Before both of them flopped down next to the rest and howled.

"Noona, it was scary." Seungbin pouted.

The women managed to control themselves down to a chuckle as Guerin wiped a tear from her eye, "Oh Binnie, I know it was. I was scared too with all that racket. I'm just so glad that's all it was that my fear had to leave me in laughter." She sat next to the youngest, putting an arm around his shoulder and pinching his cheek.

"You guys are all so cute. It was a harmless cicada. They usually are only active in the day so that one must have been woken up by something."

"They're so creepy looking." Seyoon frowned sitting back down between Charlie and Seungbin. Jun had settled into a spot next to Charlie.

"And it was huge!" Minhwan added.

"Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it. I think they're kinda cute." Guerin shrugged.

"We know about your feelings on insects." Byoungjin frowned.

"She won't even let us kill spiders. She always tells us to leave them alone or take them outside." Tobio said to Jun and Seyoon, who looked scandalized by the whole turn in the conversation.

"They're important to the ecosystem! And yeah if you look at them in an unbiased way they're absolutely adorable!" Guerin protested defensively.

"You're on your own on this one. They dont bother me but they're not cute." Charlie put up her hands and shook her head at her friend.

"You think bugs are cute but do you also think we're cute? That's offensive noona. We're not bugs." Gabriel pouted at his manager.

"Now wai-" Guerin tried to explain

"Yeah if bugs are cute do you think Seyoon is cute?" Jun interrupted with an opportunity to attack his hyung.

Guerin instinctively looked over at Seyoon, the two making eye contact. Her heart pounded and her thoughts raced. It would be okay to admit that right? It wouldnt give away how she was trying to fight off a crush on him, right?

"Well, I- okay, listen it-" she stammered and Jun immediately burst into laughter.

"Hyung!! Bugs are cute but you arent even on that level!"

"I didnt say that!" Guerin protested, flustered as the others all laughed too. Seyoon had a smile on too but it didnt seem to reach his eyes. He wasn't going to show his disappointment, he had wanted to hear her say he was handsome.

"I knew you were gonna do that don't use me to try and insult him!" Guerin protested loudly, standing up indignantly, "I was just trying to find words!" She stomped over to Jun who was rolling on the ground, pretending to kick him, "Aaah you are so annoying!"

"Did you guys have fun?" Guerin asked HEET as they traipsed back to their van. The evening had ended, Jun and Seyoon were escorting Charlie to her home nearby and everyone had split off. Guerin would normally have given her friend a ride but when Jun offered to walk with her, she didn't even bother to offer.

"Yes, thank you for bringing us Noona." Tobio said, in his usual polite way.

"They're fun sunbaes!" Gabriel said, bouncing behind Tobio while holding his shoulders. The two began to bicker and Byoungjin separated them. As they approached the van, they noticed and unwelcome figure leaning against it, tapping on her phone with a colorful paper bag hanging from her arm. Guerin stopped walking, throwing out her arm to stop the boys behind her too. Seungbin recognized the sasaeng from behind Guerin and she felt him hold tightly to the back of her shirt. She reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone and handed it to Minhwan, her tone dropped as she spoke quietly.

"Minhwan-ah you know what to do. Byoungjin, make sure the others stay behind me and get in the car safely. Do not get involved no matter what. This needs to resolve with no conflict but we need to be safe. Call the police if things escalate." She didn't need to look to know the boys were all nervous but she glanced back at them with a reassuring smile, "It's going to be fine, we just need to stay safe and have evidence to make sure she cant keep bothering you guys okay?" The boys didnt return the smile but they did nod. Seungbin had tears in his eyes as Gabriel protectively pulled him closer and moving him between himself and Tobio. She glanced at Minhwan, "Are you ready? Start recording." She said as she pulled the keys out of her pocket, walking forward and unlocking the doors with her fob then handing them to Byoungjin.

The sasaeng looked up abruptly, straightening and moving quickly toward HEET, not sparing a glance for Guerin. Guerin stepped forward quickly, arms out as a barrier as the girl tried to rush past her, "I'm so sorry, is there something I can help you with?" She smiled, appearing helpful.

The sasaeng finally glanced at Guerin, then did a double take as she recognized her and her face filled with venom. The girl was almost a solid foot shorter than Guerin but she didnt seem phased by it, "Move you disgusting foreigner, I have a present for Seungbin!" She tried to push past again but Guerin, easily outweighing the smaller woman, didnt budge. She kept the smile on her face as the boys filed into the van.

"I'm so sorry, it's against company policy for us to accept gifts outside of designated events." Guerin responded. She heard the van doors close behind her and the locks engage, only then did she drop her arms. The sasaeng rushed forward, trying the handle of the now locked van. Guerin tried to slip around the front of the van to the driver's side but the sasaeng turned her attention back to Guerin.

"Why do you keep insisting on keeping us apart?!" She screamed, "We're in love, havent you seen the way he looks at me? Do you think they belong to you? Do you use them and poison them against me?!" Her tone kept raising and Guerin knew it wasn't going to end easily. She hoped Minhwan was still filming from inside the van. At the end of her rant the Sasaeng launched the paper bag at Guerin, then rushed her. Guerin ducked the bag, but allowed the smaller girl to punch her, a blow hitting her on the side of her mouth, cutting her lip against her teeth. Guerin had been struck in the face many times before, and an opponent this size she had taken a calculated risk wouldn't do much damage. As soon as the girl connected Guerin stepped backward into the open sidewalks, hands up. She deflected any further hits from the girl who was screaming and crying before she collapsed in front of Guerin who dropped her hands. People approached as the sasaeng screamed about the foreigner that had attacked her for no reason. Fortunately there must have been a police presence nearby as cops approached rapidly, separating the two women. HEET started to get out of the van and Guerin stopped them.

"No! Call the company." She addressed the officer, "They are witnesses, can they meet us at the station?" Another officer went over to talk to Minhwan, then sent them off and came back. "They'll meet us there."

Byoungjin hesitated, clutching the keys to the van in his hand, the only member with his license. Seungbin was outright crying as was Gabriel. Minhwan encouraged everyone in, closing the doors behind them, watching as their manager was arrested. Byoungjin put the van into gear and pulled away, tears streaming down his face.

[palettepainter]

What do all the Hazbin Next Gens think of Twyla?

Again this is how the characters would genuinely feel about her so I’m sorry if it isnt what you expected. I cant remember word for word what the tweet said but I remember seeing a tweet from Vivziepop saying that the demons in hell do fear Charlie to an extent, but overall I think they just hugely disrespect her/have a lack of respect for her. I dont think demons in hell are really fond of ‘weaknesses’ such as kidness 

Aldo - He isn't as easily annoyed as his farther, but still does get annoyed more quickly then most of the demons in the hotel. Aldo doesn't really see himself as the kids babysitter type due to his interest in science, hes worried he may come off as annoying and he’s pretty easily pushed around by demon kids such as Iridescence, who can seemingly get away with anything when she is left under his care. I think Aldo wouldn’t mind Twyla, but he wouldn't like the nickname ‘Aldy’ so he’d probably correct her every time. 

Tristan - Again, isn't really the kids type due to his age and personality, but on the whole is a tad more better at handling kids then Aldo. Tristan is most certainly not a pushover and will not tolerate misbehaving from Twyla if he was to ever watch her, he’d be stern but would forgive her if she apologised. Will maybe particapate in activties with Twyla such as reading perhaps, but like Aldo wouldn’t like the name ‘Tristy’

Riley - I headcannon that exterminators don't kill their own kind, aka angeols, they’re only designed/created to kill off demons. In all honesty Riley would probably be the one to take Twyla and immediatly leave her to the exterminators so that she could be handed back over to heaven where she belongs. Again, she wouldn’t hate her, but Riley personally wouldnt want to have the stress of dealing with an angel - let alone a CHILD ANGEL - while her and Lucas are trying to fight off exterminators

Velvet - Thinks that Twyla should probably go back to heaven, its not that she hates her, but being the daughter to a tryant Velvet knows that some demons (maybe even her farther) wouldnt hesitate to manipulate Twyla into becoming their personal little weapon. I think on the whole they’d get along, Velvet is pretty laid back and being very dramatic she’d probably join in with sing alongs or play pretend. 

Brinda - In all honesty would probably be very confused as to why an angel is in hell, she’d probbaly think Twyla was a fallen angel or maybe half angel half demon, hence why she’s in hell. She’d probably question to her mother why they’re keeping her at the hotle and not trying to reutrn her - although Brinda wants to support her mum she isnt as naive as her, and does know that some demons will use Twyla to their advantage. But if they got to know each other I’d say they’d get along, Brinda would probably join in with a few small games

Francis - Is a shy kid and he doesn't really interact with anyone in the hotel, he keeps to himself a lot so i dont think he and Twyla would interact much.

Crash and Dash - in short would just be all round annoying asshats, tripping her up, pulling her hair, scaring her, taking leo and playing catch with him, calling her things like ‘short stack’ or ‘’runt. Crash and Dash are pretty boisterous so they would probbaly be kinda mean 

Nero - Like with anyone else, would punch her if she got annoying. Due to her upbringign from Vox Nero looks down at girly things with disbain, so Twyla being all kiddy kiddy and girly would reallly anoy her. She would slap punch her with no hesitation if she got on her nerves, and if the plants starting acting up around her she’d either stomp on the plants or threaten Twyla to stop it or she’ll get physically angry

Mathew - Only hangs out with demons with superior titles such as tryants and royals, his grandparents probbaly dont like angels so he likely wouldnt either. He’d find her annoying

Kiki - Is very chatty and nosy so she would literally jabber for hours while Twyla is barely able to get a word in, however Kiki looses interest in things very quickly, she can never stay focused for very long so she would probably just roller blade off somewhere else while Twyla is talking

Junior - Sorta similar to Nero, Junior would find her annoying. Since Junior prefers to focus on his studies he would find Twyla’s littel games stupid and he would just outright say it to her face (he’s pretty opinionated). If Twyla ever tried to touch him he would slap or scratch her becasue he has a fear of being touched, he would HATE any nicknmae he would give her and would correcther harshly:

Junior: Listen closely, I am to be referred to and called by as Prince Junior! I am Prince Junior Magne! Son to Charlie and grandsonn to Lucifer, prince to one of hells nine circles and future ruler of this kingdom! Not that YOU would understand what honor you have to uphold with a royal title...I shall not stand at being referred to by some lapstick childish nickname! Do I make myself perfectly clear?

Nidra - wouldn’t like her, if she touches her assistants she’s getting smacked - or hexed into coughing up leeches, whichever Nidra feels is a more appropriate punishment. Would tolerate her presence but on the whole wouldnt be keen at all in getting to know her

Iridescence - Obviously is very chaotic and wouldn’t really care if Twyla was an angel, on the whole would be pretty chill but she wouldny join in with her games or reading 

[overly-analogical]

Can Lying Be Good Analysis

SPOILERS

• When Deceit shows up Thomas is very startled. He reacts much the way he used to react when Anxiety popped up. He does not know it’s not Morality but he is suddenly scared. I’m not sure this means anything other than Deceit doesn’t announce himself like Patton does but I think it’s worth noting.

• He also says “Papa’s in the House” which while he doesn’t realize it’s untrue, it’s untrue.

• “Guess who has ten fingers and is very confused? This guy! Heh heh I’m silly like that.” Liar liar pants on fire. He’s not confused or sill and he’s certainly not Patton.

• Roman immediately apologizes to Virgil for calling him Charlie frown, he’s doing so well.

• “Oh good, Logan, everyone’s favorite character!” GUYS MY HEART!!! He says this cause it’s a lie. This is one of his insults that’s backhanded because of who he is and Logan is honestly pleased by this and thinks it’s a genuine compliment. Ouch.

• In loo of Patton Virgil is the moral compass. He’s the one telling Thomas not to lie to Joan cause it’s wrong, Logan is indifferent, Roman wants to lie.

• also can we just? We had a Virgil went missing episode, then a Logan went missing episode, then a Morality (secretly) went missing episode. Is Roman next?

• “Well you’ll have no trouble at all explaining that to them.” Is this a lie? Does he believe it? Can he tell truths? It’s about the future so can it be considered a lie or a truth or is that a gray area.

• Virgil is displeased

•F WORD FACE guys HELP I’m dying that’s hilarious

• Logan’s wise eyes and soft Ooooh when he realizes Thomas wants to lie. He doesn’t tell Thomas it’s wrong, he knows that’s not his job, but he is surprised and doesn’t seem happy about it.

• So I looked into Kant some. The story is actually from Kant and not Plato. Kant believed that Morality is based in reason. It’s trying to do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing, and not as a means to achieve an end that benefits you or others. Saving your friend is what most of us would view is the right thing, but according to Kant, the result of your actions don’t make them right if they would be wrong in other circumstances. Morality is based on reason and truth not lies and manipulation. Interestingly though many people believe that according to Kant’s philosophy you simply could not lie to the murderer, so if you were to say “I will not tell you that because I want to protect this person and I believe you will kill them” then that is not a lie, that is the truth. You are not manipulating their reality, or using them as a means to accomplish your ends. I think Deceit knew all of this but he left it out. I this was a lie of omission.

• I also find it very interesting that it was Kant that Thomas and Joan chose because Kant believes all Morality is based in reason, also known as Logic. I’ll make a separate post for this though cause I want to really get into that on its own.

• Deceit’s rant about Kant is in direct opposition to Patton’s short and factually incorrect statement about Plato and that speaks volumes about them as characters. Deceit usesfancy names and technicalities to manipulate the others while Patton finds the content of the story is more important to his point, and then makes jokes about eating play dough.

• Logan is impressed but also confused. I think he suspects something is off at this point.

• “Well I’m Morality I gotta know my stuff.” No you’re not and that’s not his job anyway, another lie.

• “Impressed isn’t the word I’d use.” Virgil still thinks this is Patton and he’s really disappointed in his friend.

• “The point is many people think Kant is just a bit idealistic.” By this he means many people think Kant was an amoral piece of shit with no regard for the consequences of his actions. Do understatements count as lies?

• “Patton I thought you said Lying was wrong” “well it’s all about your priorities friendo. What’s more important to us, Joan’s feelings or honesty?” I once saw a post on here that said if somebody ever tells you you only have two choices, it’s a lie. It’s a lie and they want you to forget about the other choices. If somebody tells you you can have an apple or an orange they want you to forget you can have and apple or an orange, or both, or neither, or a banana. There’s never just two choices and deceit isn’t just deceit is manipulation.

• when Logan says “see I know things too.” He feels threatened when people know more than him.

• “I can’t lie to Joan.” “Detailed instructions of how to lie to Joan.” Me though.

• Roman breaking the fourth wall about the shapeshifting thing.

“Maybe if you’re considering lying to Joan you deserve to be punished.” Virgil is like. Harsh. He’s really protective of Thomas’s friends. Even from Thomas.

• “Strategy” for lying to Joan. I don’t think Logan can really like this but he’s respecting Thomas’ decisions anyway because hours not his job to ask question moral decisions.

• “DWI” “Driving While Intoxicated” guys I’m crying this is so funny I can’t

• Logan says no so soft and he looks at the back of the card before he tells Roman the real definition because he’s unsure and he’s scared of being wrong.

• “Aww Pwease! Right? You know how I love cartoons?” This an attempt to appear more like morality and assign a reason to take the job Roman really wants which real Patton wouldnt do.

• “you were a mistake” Roman wtf.

• “Doctor Who reference? Fantastic.” Clever and borders on word association. Nice.

• “Roman, that was a beautiful portrayal of a mother betrayed by her son.” It was terrible and Roman just let’s this snake man fool him. Smh.

• “Logan does Thomas have that information?” “No he doesn’t.” My serious son takes this serious question seriously.

• A homeless lady ate it.

• Let👋 Virgil👋 say👋fuck👋!!!!!! Kidding don’t ever.

• I will always find Logan teaching things extremely comforting. Logan is comforting. This is going to be a video I watch when I have a bad day because it has Logan teaching us things.

• “We should makes point to actually feed the homeless later” “totally” wow. He doesn’t agree at all. He doesn’t think they should try to feed the homeless he thinks they should just lie about feeding the homeless.

• Virgil: “what if mom found out”

Logan: “According to Romans portrayal probably some kind of betrayal driven disownment.”

Virgil: “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!”

This is funny because Logan I think is attempting to make a negative remark about Roman’s portrayal of Thomas’ mom but Virgil takes it very seriously and considers it as a real possibility because Logan said it and now he’s afraid.

• “Action! That’s not just for movies!” Maybe he can’t stop talking until he’s told a lie.

• Virgil’s booing.

• Virgil saying nice to the idea of working at hot topic

• “Drama Terg” Deceit does not once refer to any one of them as kiddo.

• Roman feels off after the Lying to get out of work scene and he looks to Patton hoping that, as morality, Patton will put a stop to all this, or reassure him. Deceit isn’t Patton so he doesn’t.

• Virgil is appalled Patton isn’t upset by this.

• Patton is pleased during the case scene.

• Roman announces he’s feeling icky. He’s bad at describing emotions and understanding them too I think. We get descriptions like “icky” or “Bittery Jittery and not very Glittery” when he’s upset.

• “Everyone knows where babies come from. Messenger Falcons.” An attempt at behaving like Patton or a lie for the sake of lying? It’s poorly executed if it’s a Patton imitation. Patton doesn’t believe he knows and he thinks “Storks are involved”, storks are not messenger falcons. No one in the history of the world has ever suggested messenger falcons deliver babies that’s preposterous.

• “And stopping again, Thomas I didn’t believe any of that.” A truth? Or was there a very small part he did believe.

• Roman gets really upset and puts this energy into freaking out over a soppy cup prop.

• Virgil is so ready to be done he completely misinterprets Roman.

• These nerds and their love of the classical arts poetry geeks logince someone write an au dammit.

• “Thomas, you don’t want to make Joan mad at you do you?” Manipulative bastard.

• “Could you stand to lose the support of one of Thomas’ friends?” Playing on Virgil’s insecurity that Thomas’ friends will leave them.

• can we just. Virgil. We’ve talked about Patton probably being scary when angry but not Virgil. We haven’t actually seen Virgil Angry up until now. Mildly annoyed? Concerned? Disappointed? Afraid? Yes. But not genuine anger. Here we see a glimpse and he’s holding back because it’s Patton. Never be on the wrong end of an angry Virgil he’ll kill you with one look.

• “Virgil? it’s me. Aren’t we friends?” “I’m not so sure we are.” I’m pretty sure he still thinks this is Patton. Which means this is a really powerful moment for Virgil. Patton was the first person to really value him in the mind palace and treat him as a friend and an equal. He considers Patton his best friend. This is Virgil, standing his ground even if it means giving up almost all the progress he’s made with the others to do the right thing. It takes great courage to stand up to ones enemies. And a great deal more to stand up to ones friends.

• Deceit realized no part of Thomas is going to budge and he gets desperate.

• “I know what I said, it doesn’t matter, in this situation it’s the right thing to do, period.” His voice starts to chance here it’s nasally.

• he practically shreiks “Yes”

• he drops the act and you can see it visibly the moment he gave up Thomas is such a good actor.

• “wow I’m so proud of you Thomas you’re so mature.” He doesn’t care if Thomas notices somethings off now.

• “I knew something was off” he knew something was off but not what was off. He really didn’t know that wasn’t Patton.

• Logan thinks it’s obvious he figured it out a while ago but didn’t say anything. Probably because he knew he couldn’t. Though he does try to say it here. I really wonder what point he figured it out.

• my sweet oblivious prince.

• “oooh I don’t know either Thomas you might not like what you find.” So Deceit lies to Thomas about himself to keep Thomas happy right? But here he doesn’t care about concealing himself and seems to be goading Thomas so he’ll ask. So he’s lashing out at Thomas because he’s angry Thomas didn’t go with his plan.

• Logan says Deceit much the same way he says Falsehood.

• “Did you just finish washing some dishes?” “Yesss” Deceit seems to take a lot of joy in this specific lie which I find very very funny.

• “Oh, you are, Thomas. You are a good person. Everybody says so.” Daaaaaaamn.

• The exchange between Logan and Deceit. I got chills.

• I am and always have been Patton muahahaha

• the other three are so done with his bs but Thomas is genuinely terrified

• okay but it would be an interesting idea if Deceit has been Morality the whole time. Awful and angsty, but interesting.

• “ow that Hurt, I mean that didn’t hurt me at all ow” he can tell truths, but does he have to tell lies?

• we’ll see him again and I’m looking forward to it. Every story needs a good old fashioned villain.

• Virgil is so happy to hear Patton’s dad jokes again he doesn’t hide his smiles.

• The eating play dough thing has me cracking up but especially the part where Logan was confused and he thought Patton meant he was eating the ancient and very dead philosopher Plato.

• Roman is adorable and he’s a knight and a hero I love him.

End of Analysis thanks for reading.

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hey

Joe: my flatmate has some work I reckon your mate might be interested in

Joe: but it’ll sound a bit dodgy coming from me so you wanna pass it along?

Joe: moneys alright for no real work, depending on how you look at it

Ronnie: never done any work as a secretary myself

Ronnie: write your own fucking love notes

Joe: I see that

Joe: your accent down the 📞?

Joe: no cunt here’d understand you, never mind the demeanour

Joe: yeah, well, it’d really seem that way

Joe: but I actually need someone to take her off my hands

Ronnie: racism as foreplays playing to the wrong crowd hes more into homo bashing

Ronnie: errr dunno how you read his demeanor mckenna but he aint taken a her off anyones hands since before any of us had phones

Joe: i’ll keep that in mind

Joe: well homophobic of me to not tell him myself so he’s welcome for the freebie

Joe: not actual escorting

Joe: she does art, her life drawing class needs a model

Joe: I ain’t fucking doing that

Joe: tell me I ain’t 📖 him right on that one

Ronnie: fucks sake if youd said it was cash for cock wed be done talking already

Joe: I just did

Joe: sound, she’ll be made up, she’ll get off my case, and he’ll get £15 an hour, apparently 👌

Ronnie: sexist not to ask me

Ronnie: pass that on to your little gf

Joe: weren’t her idea to ask Charlie

Joe: you’ll have to take up that grievance with me as well

Joe: I’ll just point out it’d be even weirder if I’d have asked you

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: how much £ you offering me to bang you

Joe: if I did no point paying you to do it for her and her class and not me

Joe: that’s an interesting take on cucking though, loads that would go for it, I’m sure

Ronnie: ill write it down as youve made me go hunting for a pen in this shithole

Joe: cheers

Joe: take 20% commission or whatever

Joe: or take the IOU I owe him for doing this

Ronnie: you said it hed do this for fuck all ill take the lot and mary wont know it was a paid gig

Joe: if he can fend the flatmate off, undoubtedly a load of art gays he can have his pick of

Ronnie: that what youre telling yourself for why you dont want me to do it yeah

Joe: you wanna do it?

Ronnie: i want you to admit the reason you dont want me to is cause he scrubs up enough for horse girl and her course mates not to stage an intervention

Joe: not what it is so no

Joe: I know I don’t want to get my shit out in front of a load of middle class kids who know fuck all about fuck all, so I assumed as much for you

Ronnie: dont ever assume fuck all for or about me

Joe: why do you wanna do it so bad when like you said, you can pocket the cash and get him to?

Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking do it

Joe: well that’s grand ‘cos I reckon Sophie wants to see dick so

Joe: she’d be really let down

Ronnie: usually what gets you off

Ronnie: but im made up youre in love now like

Joe: please, she either don’t get it’s weird to ask me which means she’s some kind of special

Joe: or this is the start of her 50 shades fantasy and I have to be the let down to end all let downs and i’m already doing my best

Ronnie: rem is right to pay for it when she could just walk in on you taking a piss or having a shower

Joe: when you’re just a creep and not a predator 💔

Joe: not the girl my parents warned me about

Ronnie: if theyd be the type to go down the stables theyd have seen the other side of her

Joe: you’ve got your own daydreams, alright

Joe: put out the feelers, who isn’t a little gay these days, right

Ronnie: go ed and pass on ive got a bigger dick than him and she will have

Ronnie: i dont dream 💔

Joe: shame she isn’t equally inspiring for you

Joe: or anyone, really

Ronnie: cry about it with him when youre done pimping

Joe: what do you dream about then, when you’re awake

Ronnie: what you cant read me

Joe: clearly not

Joe: dashed your modelling dreams

Ronnie: blind and not able to read braille must be dead hard for you

Joe: is that sympathy?

Joe: or you offering me 🖐 to 👩🏼‍🦲 time

Ronnie: again you wish

Ronnie: 💭💉

Ronnie: cant make it any easier to understand soz

Joe: maybe I do

Joe: far as 💭s go

Ronnie: fuck maybe you do or you dont

Joe: well it ain’t why I don’t want to get my arms out for her

Joe: not tried it

Joe: but not a no

Ronnie: give a shit what you do or dont want to do for or to her

Joe: that is a no, tah

Ronnie: tell her not me baby

Joe: that’s not a big sister duty?

Joe: gutted

Ronnie: wouldnt know im the middle kid dorothy does that for us

Joe: i’ll ask him when i’m crying on him then

Joe: make a change for me

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: rack up the ious like a fat line hes gonna be made up

Joe: oi he’s like family ain’t he

Ronnie: &

Ronnie: you wanna fuck your mam

Ronnie: not oi ing you

Joe: well you get to think about me and him, you gave me her and you, not fair

Ronnie: life aint soft lad

Ronnie: and stopping at thinking about shit is the difference between me and you

Joe: I get it, you’ve gone there

Joe: purely here for the homophobia

Ronnie: your kinks match 💘

Ronnie: purely there so the lads dont kick off before hes got his kicks

Joe: see, you’ve got it in you 💘

Joe: the sisterly thing

Joe: my hate don’t get expressed by putting me in him though so I won’t run my mouth

Ronnie: not what ive got in me but im not giving you the talk just cause your ma didnt

Joe: you want a virgin to defile reckon Soph and her mates are prime, vampira

Ronnie: set it up with her ill show if i get no better offers

Joe: lucky girl

Joe: no more nights in doing doodles of cute girls that look like you

Ronnie: we dont look alike youll have to accept theyre of you

Joe: i fit less than you, by far

Ronnie: fuck off

Joe: sorry

Joe: it’s weird, say the least

Ronnie: i fit nowhere she made sure i dont

Joe: ditto

Joe: so buzzing i can write shit songs about it though

Ronnie: no

Ronnie: weve got fuck all in common

Joe: just the same mother

Joe: who put her shitty genetics and choices on us both at different times

Ronnie: i ain’t got a mother you cant cross out the un from wanted and act like its the same word

Joe: incubator then

Joe: she was 19 and still fucked, don’t think they had a five-year plan down

Joe: worse if she did, the state of

Ronnie: she made 1 choice for me shes still controlling you

Ronnie: were not the fucking same

Joe: you reckon

Ronnie: if you wanna claim it aint her fault youre this big of a pussy try it

Joe: you don’t think it’s my fault?

Joe: woah, just say you love me

Ronnie: i dont think about you when you aint trying to compare us

Joe: hot

Joe: I’ve thought about you plenty

Joe: uni ain’t that interesting

Ronnie: you came looking for me werent the other way round

Ronnie: you ain’t interesting to me mckenna

Joe: you reckon you’re fascinating, yeah?

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: if your flatmate knows anyone doing doc film making they can wank over me lying in the gutter when youre done

Joe: nah

Joe: you don’t want control of your narrative

Ronnie: i dont want a narrative

Joe: then i’ll be the only wanker

Ronnie: in your dreams

Joe: well you painted such a lovely visual

Ronnie: black screen would get you going can stay in your own fucked head with no interference then like

Joe: Static is my kink

Joe: you know me so well

Ronnie: your fucking kink is not shutting the hell up til i do

Joe: i’m a gentleman

Joe: and i’m taking that review

Ronnie: youll get a lengthy one from my big brother when you are

Joe: you don’t have to settle for hearing it and getting your kicks second-hand

Joe: I’ll have to be somewhere to be unavailable for this life drawing class

Joe: let’s do something

Ronnie: what you paying me to babysit

Joe: you can ask my mammy or you can see what you can get

Ronnie: if i was gonna talk to her it wouldnt be about you

Joe: thank god

Joe: so take the risk

Ronnie: of what

Ronnie: boring me is asking too much of you

Joe: that’s surely a given

Joe: risk anything but

Ronnie: if I need rescuing again ill call you thats the only given Joe: you’re worse than her

Joe: christian grey or superman, like

Joe: gonna be BFFs yous, I can tell

Ronnie: you dont like being compared to cunts youre nothing like either funny that

Joe: touche

Joe: come on, what would convince you

Ronnie: if youre gonna beg then beg and if youre gonna show me something do it

Joe: I know you’d like to hear me beg but I can’t tell what you’d wanna see

Ronnie: then the answers nothing

Joe: nah

Joe: the answers you want to wait or you wanna be disappointed

Ronnie: why the fuck would I want either of those things

Joe: that’s what I’ll give you then

Joe: the opposite of that

Ronnie: thats meant to convince me yeah

Joe: nah, I am

Ronnie: like fuck will you

Joe: see, you want to be disappointed

Ronnie: ill be disappointed want has fuck all to do with it

Joe: if you don’t come and see

Ronnie: come where

Joe: see me

Joe: i’m new in town, I don’t know where to go

Joe: fuck sightseeing

Ronnie: [somewhere she’d hang out]

Ronnie: go there

Joe: now?

Ronnie: whenever you dont know where to go

Joe: okay

Joe: and I’ll see you there when you don’t

Ronnie: when im not fucking either of our flatmates

Joe: when you’re done being disappointed

Ronnie: when you prove yourself as not

Joe: you’ll see

Joe: I can’t show you over the phone

Ronnie: you could

Ronnie: im going nowhere on a bullshit promise cause im not a meff teenager

Joe: and I ain’t young enough to think that’s a good idea either

Joe: pictures not doing no favours

Joe: if you’re there and i’m there

Ronnie: big if

Joe: I never know where to be

Ronnie: newborn i heard you

Joe: something like that

Joe: if you can’t leave soph alone I’ll do my best begging 🥺

Ronnie: she cant leave you alone id be doing you a favour

Joe: true

Joe: wouldn’t wanna be caught doing that though

Ronnie: let you do the clean up after ive killed and ate her id be caught well fast for that instead

Joe: you’d get caught for being three times your size

Joe: she’s a big girl

Joe: you should share, be sworn to secrecy

Ronnie: doing her a favour i shouldve said

Ronnie: fuck all going for her

Joe: way to get in shape

Joe: she’ll appreciate us using her blood for something artsy on the walls

Ronnie: ill ask the basic white bitch i live with to give me a clue

Joe: 🍆 will be appropriate for her

Ronnie: 🐎

Joe: they might reckon she did it with her dying breath

Joe: very artist of her, dying how she lived

Ronnie: hurry the fuck up with your confession song if you want credit

Joe: you wanna hear me confessing so bad

Joe: but I might be able to hand that in so

Joe: hold on

Ronnie: it aint me whos a choir boy

Joe: ugh, I wish

Ronnie: cant chat shit about us having the same fantasies ive been touched by a old bloke wearing a dress and i dont rate it

Ronnie: standard surrounded by homos night out

Joe: yeah, and the nuns are never the hot kind

Joe: if they didn’t self-flagellate they’d be entirely uninteresting

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: yeah, it’s tragic being this bored/boring, say it ‘fore you have to bother

Ronnie: didnt invite you to no pity party and if thats where youre trying to get me to turn up to dont bother is right

Joe: you mean you don’t wanna talk about your feelings?

Joe: like you said, like being left alone with my own fucked up ones too much to try and start a therapy session

Ronnie: what fucking feelings dead above & below the waist like

Joe: dangerously close to sharing there

Joe: you got your 💉 already then?

Ronnie: wouldnt be this chatty if i had

Ronnie: unlucky you

Joe: I’m the one that wants to see you

Joe: so I’ll cope

Ronnie: cant even spell martyrdom proper so youve fucked yourself looking for a pat on the back off me by matching the definition up

Joe: i’ll just ring mum up yeah

Ronnie: your da if not but it wont have the same satisfying end for you like

Joe: 💔

Joe: validations the last thing i need

Joe: had a whole lifetime

Ronnie: you crawling back to me with a boner for the accent your mummys losing is the last thing i need

Ronnie: get on the scouse samaritans

Joe: don’t reckon that’s a job you’ll get any time soon either

Joe: ‘less the purpose is to make sure people go through with it

Ronnie: couldve fooled me if it aint what else is talking a sad cunts ear off about their problems gonna do

Joe: attention seekers anonymous

Ronnie: no need to meet you there i earned all them badges as a kid 🧷🩸

Joe: wouldn’t be caught 💀 obvs

Joe: keeping it secret adds another level of masochism anyway

Ronnie: does it fuck

Ronnie: keeps you feeling like a smug bitch you can still pass

Ronnie: miss me with that pussy shit

Joe: nah, that’s that i’m in control shit

Joe: it’s not that

Joe: the only thing you might be smug about is how oblivious everyone chooses to be

Joe: if it weren’t also depressing as fuck

Ronnie: dont give em the choice

Joe: why?

Ronnie: why the fuck would you want to

Joe: don’t need to be my mother’s next cause celebre

Joe: she can force the therapy and concern on any of the others, I don’t wanna get better or have to fake like I’ll even try

Ronnie: then dont

Ronnie: cut off your umbilical cord and wipe up the blood trail

Ronnie: not like she tries very hard to herd back the black sheep

Joe: maybe they know and don’t give a fuck 🤞

Joe: I know I ain’t going back so whatever

Ronnie: & you reckon weve got anything in common

Joe: just 50% of our DNA

Joe: never said we were twinsies

Ronnie: if youd have said id have spat in your face 1st time we met get it collected and the tests run

Joe: I wish

Joe: has your face healed

Ronnie: wheres the fun in letting it do that

Joe: 😏

Joe: we can pretend that’s inherited if you need

Ronnie: not 5 i dont play pretend

Joe: if you keep digging, reckon the ink will be gone and it’ll be pure scar tissue

Ronnie: calm the fuck down i can hear how turned on you are about it from here

Joe: spoilsport

Joe: just thinking, scar that only vaguely looks like 🍒s might be well more rugged for my transformation from baby to independent real boy

Ronnie: laughing cos i like pain not cause youre funny

Ronnie: when you see or hear it from wherever youre lurking

Joe: you don’t leave room for me to get the wrong idea, you’re alright

Joe: all them fucked ones are mine alone and already there

Ronnie: get your girlfriend to draw you a pin up & dont tell her youve changed the lass horse head to look like your mas

Ronnie: masc for masc in your bio before you know it and 🦋 tramp stamp to follow

Joe: you know my dad already has a tattoo that looks like her, no bullshit

Joe: and another dead girl on the other arm but that’s a whole other boring story

Joe: playing dress up is off the cards too if I’m ever gonna be a big boy

Ronnie: where do you keep his severed arm when youre not using it to fist yourself and how old were you when you cut it off

Ronnie: if we re telling stories

Joe: 😂

Joe: where we keep the horse

Joe: that en-suite is massive

Ronnie: if he finds out it was a paid gig ill know where to crash

Joe: still gutted she don’t wanna see you naked

Ronnie: youre a liar if you dont wanna see her face seeing me

Joe: don’t know if anyone could be bothered to look at her when you’re about but yeah

Joe: the trauma would really fuel me and make her much more bearable to live with

Ronnie: youre welcome like

Joe: gotta stop being nice to me

Joe: you know stalkers, give ‘em an inch

Ronnie: telling me what to do is the fastest way 🖕

Ronnie: and i know you dont have an inch to give me making the best of this shitshow is what an optimist like me has gotta do

Joe: obviously you’re that type

Joe: not having it in common will have you back 👍

Joe: you’re inspiring, like

Ronnie: chop off my arms and legs and get a camera set up in the en-suite

Joe: you’d fit in my cello case then, could take you everywhere

Ronnie: course youve had a measuring tape out

Joe: hate to kill your optimism with 🍆

Joe: have a go at pushing it back in

Ronnie: how longs your tongue reckon that could kill any girls optimism

Joe: 💔 if it was only good for chatting your ear off

Ronnie: [send him a picture of your weird gross split tongue because obviously]

Joe: [how does that not make you lisp, or does it, I always think that]

Joe: that’s why you’ve not had an invite

Joe: 🚫🐍

Ronnie: gutted

Joe: you know you can show up and do whatever you wanna do whenever

Joe: I’ll take you back

Ronnie: this performance art is meant to what just scare her or teach you how to get her to back the fuck off as well as

Ronnie: im not a fucking tour guide mckenna & you can get yourself evicted without my help

Joe: you know I meant to Dublin

Joe: don’t think it’d take much to scare Sophie off, give it a month for us to both get comfortable and she’ll see what I ain’t

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: I said if you want

Ronnie: dont need your permission to do anything i want

Joe: don’t think any of ‘em are that lax with their socials

Joe: you’d need directions

Ronnie: ive had years to find em & we dont both hang about with horse girls from kent

Joe: can’t say it’s your loss

Ronnie: shut up about it then

Joe: 🤐

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: got a whole fist here, you can keep it

Ronnie: sizeist

Joe: told her yours is massive like you said, it’s fine

Ronnie: i said bigger than his not a horse shes in for a disappointment

Joe: gotta 🤞 she’s an optimist like you babe

Ronnie: unlike you shes gonna wait to see what i do with it before telling me to shove it

Joe: you just wanna blueball me for the pain

Joe: go on, for your lols

Ronnie: she wont want me at all unless youre gonna watch

Joe: and you need a witness so I get time too

Joe: I’ll do it, torturous as it’d be

Ronnie: the iou is gonna torture me too

Joe: if you’re lucky

Ronnie: not the dna half we share 💔

Joe: damnit

Joe: what’s good about being Scouse?

Ronnie: now the beatles are dead youve got fuck all to live for

Ronnie: noted

Joe: only the good ones

Joe: I dunno, anything good about it never happened, left when I was a kid and we still lived in a shithole with shitheads

Ronnie: get in line she left me in a shithole with shitheads 1st

Joe: where were you

Joe: wonder how close it was

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: it makes her more/less shitty depending

Ronnie: it aint gonna change my opinion and I dont give a shit about yours

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: get cosy with charlie hed take you down memory lane

Joe: not before he’s got it out for the art class tah

Ronnie: you didnt say when

Joe: [probably an evening class like tomorrow or the next day, then the same time a week later]

Ronnie: too fucking late the pen is in pieces

Joe: sure it isn’t the first time you’ve left him a note in blood

Ronnie: hes only gonna cry about it & take the shine off his modelling debut

Joe: awh

Joe: message him 🧓🏼

Ronnie: fuck off calling me old

Joe: 😏

Ronnie: ill write him a note blaming what a twat you are for what hes gonna walk in on

Joe: what mess have you made

Ronnie: havent killed myself yet

Joe: and you’ve not stopped talking so no OD’ing

Joe: possibilities are endless still

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: come out

Joe: we can get new ink to dig out

Joe: whatever

Ronnie: you gonna suck his dick this time

Joe: I’ll just pay the old-fashioned way

Ronnie: flashy cunt

Joe: what being a student is all about

Ronnie: and youre too special to poison your blood how the rest of em do

Joe: I’m not opposed but I can do it alone, I don’t need to go to a sweaty student bar that plays shit songs and has a load of sad Soph clones giving it 🥺

Ronnie: you can get another tattoo without me holding your hand

Joe: I could

Ronnie: go do it 🦋 baby

Joe: have mentioned its not about the tat, yeah?

Ronnie: nah not that ive heard

Joe: come on

Joe: i want to see you, i’ve said loads

Ronnie: youve said loads of shit yeah

Joe: shit i mean

Ronnie: why

Joe: why wouldn’t I

Ronnie: thats your answer then fuck it

Joe: you don’t need to ask ‘cos you know

Ronnie: i did ask and you said why the fuck not

Ronnie: like its nothing

Ronnie: like you didnt turn up uninvited into my life not long ago

Joe: then tell me to leave

Joe: like it’s that easy

Ronnie: i didnt tell you to fucking appear

Ronnie: just cause youre a kid dont make me the dead fish you won at the fair

Joe: I never had the choice

Joe: she told me about you, talked about you all the fucking time

Joe: you’ve always been in my life

Ronnie: and youve never been in mine

Ronnie: im not gonna carve out a place for you now cos you want it

Joe: Alright

Joe: do it then

Ronnie: dont tell me what to fucking do

Joe: I’m not going unless you say it

Ronnie: no shit this is fun for you

Joe: like fuck it is

Ronnie: im the car wreck youre craning your neck to keep looking at

Ronnie: thats all the fuck this is

Joe: lie better

Ronnie: you dont care about me or what this feels like

Joe: I can’t take it back, you know now

Ronnie: you dont wanna take it back

Joe: I can’t, what’s the point pretending

Joe: I never said I was a good person

Joe: being sorry won’t change anything for you

Ronnie: its all your christmases & birthdays im west as this course youre gonna keep on spinning me out

Joe: Piss off

Ronnie: lie better cunt

Joe: So you’re allowed pity parties, yeah?

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: calling you out on your bullshit is allowed if youre crying thats your problem

Joe: if all you want from me is for me to go away, consider it done

Joe: you can’t hack it, my apologies

Ronnie: tell me why if im so fucking wrong

Joe: I like you

Joe: I want you, to get to know you

Joe: I can’t just stop it, not for myself

Joe: So make me

Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: you ain’t saying anything

Joe: what do you want

Ronnie: I dont want you to like me

Ronnie: fuck is that

Joe: yeah, it’s obvious you go to great lengths to be unlikeable

Joe: not going to tell no one am I

Ronnie: so hate me soft lad

Joe: I’ll give it a go

Ronnie: ill make you

Joe: give it a go then

Ronnie: where are you then

Joe: [give a location of somewhere near your flat ‘cos don’t need to actually set you on the flatmate rn and that’s likely where you were]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re just gonna show up however long that takes us without another word like !?]

Joe: [just so much eye contact ‘cos what you gonna say what you gonna do]

Ronnie: [definitely gonna take him somewhere sketchy as hell to the level that like Charlie doesn’t know we still go there/we’d never take him ever like you wanna get to know me okay bitch buckle up]

Joe: [can’t let you hook up or shoot up yet ‘cos chronological but go along with this obvs]

Ronnie: [it would make sense if you made out/almost hooked up though because the vibe for the next convo was very much oh fuck what are you doing here we didn’t mean to run each other like this but also v flirty]

Joe: [agreed, and allowed, it’s the obvious vibe but any untold drama can happen to stop you in whatever dodgy place so makes sense]

Ronnie: [literally and just because you can’t shoot up together yet does not mean either of you have to be in any way sober so]

Joe: [hundo, we’re not saying he’s never done a drug lol, he clearly abuses his prescription as is so like, there’s plenty to be done without going there]

Ronnie: [and if we wanted to we could say that you watch her do it here and now before you do it together anyway because you’d both get a weird kick out of that]

Joe: [tea, bet you did not see this coming for your uni experience lmao]

Ronnie: [meanwhile she’s old enough to have left, do you wanna grow up babe? No? okay]

Joe: [the way you’re rolling with this, we know you’re fucked boy but pop off]

Ronnie: [I can’t overstate how much she’d be doing the absolute most to try and scare him away like I dare you to go back on what you said]

Joe: [we know you’re not gonna, soz babe, is very rude how he’s just waltzed in but truly did not say we were a good person lol]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not either and also is here for it more than she will ever express until we’re literally years into this]

Joe: [hi your mother’s daughter, but no, you actually have a reason this is messed up but we’re into it from the off and not pretending, risky af strategy boy]

Ronnie: [is there anything we wanna say happens that has lasting-ish consequences other than the make out/ almost hook up ie a tattoo or a fight with injury potential or an arrest lol]

Joe: [hmm, the possibilities, maybe a fight to show you can, could be about anything, it’s that sort of place]

Ronnie: [that is such a mood I love it and yeah could literally be you’re a new face or could be her fault because of the aforementioned doing the most]

Joe: [totally, and that’ll be an easy way to separate you and not meet until the next convo]

Ronnie: [exactly dr phil]

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

She sparked something inside me. She spearked a feeling, then left. She said she wouldn’t. She said she was not like them.

What am I to do, when I am left alone in my room, and I am no longer who i used to be? I can’t cope with my feelings and i dont have the strength to change. I’ve become so bitter and cold, I’m like House; a bitter, miserable, self hating, morbid asshole.

She had wanted me, and i had wanted her.

I dreamt of her two months ago; a perfect stranger, you could say, and I’ve never stopped thinking of her since.

When i had kissed her that night, it felt like heaven. Its what i wanted to do forever. I wanted to write poems on her lips, with mine. She left a lovebite on my collarbone, and even kissed me at the door. I was so happy that night, and ive never been happy, Charlie. She made me happy. But she text me that night asking me not to tell my best friend about anything because nobody knows shes bi. I promised her i wouldn’t, and i dont break promises. So i havent told my best, and only friend, a thing. I have to say Charlie, it hurts. It hurts having someone treat you like some dirty secret.

We arranged to meet again the next Sunday, but she had to stay at work longer, so she apologised and moved the date to the next day. Its monday morning and my friend sees me happy, and her friend sees me happy, and they are both surprised as they have never seen me happy, they both tell me that. I do not tell them why i am happy, instead i go home and wait. 6.30 comes up, im sitting in the wooden chair, waiting, looking towards the window, awaiting her arrival. 6:30 turns to 7pm, and 7pm soon turns to 8pm, i am still sitting in the chair, foolishly waiting. Until i realise, She isnt going to come at all.

She stood me up, i had gotten up off the chair and went to bed by now, depressed again i had fallen asleep, crying silently in my bed.

She texted me about how she has to explain. I saw her on thursday and she explained.

“I have a boyfriend, but i like you too. A lot”

I’ve been there, and i dont want to do that again. Everyone leaves me, always.

So she text me that night and i let everything spill, then deactivated my account.

She hasnt talked to me since, even though she has my number.

Instead, she avoids me by not coming in on the days we are both in college at the same time, and she parties, while i am alone, never again the same person, Alone and im thinking of her, wondering if she’s ever thinking of me, But she’s out partying and drinking, while I’m perfectly recalling the shape of her face, curvature of her lips and shape of her dimples.

When we watched a movie and i had my arms around her while she lay her head on my shoulder and i played with her hair as if she were mine, time disappeared, and i thought she was mine for the keeping.

Everything felt so right and real.

Until i realised it wasnt. Another lie. She said she wouldnt leave. She said she wont let anyone hurt me, but in the end, she was the one who hurt me.

Its hurt, Charlie. Over and over and over and over again. Its the same pain game.

I’ve written more sins on my wrists and i made my therapist cry, only telling her about my feelings and loneliness. I havent told her anything of this. On valentines day, i had fallen to my knees and cried alone in the shower.

Im tired of this pain game.

I keep thinking of how her boyfriend treats her;– shittily, but he still gets all of her.

While im missing her, she’s kissing him.

It hurts, but once again, its what I’ve been taught i deserve, time and time again.

This song describes everything– https://soundcloud.com/phephe/about-you-prod-k-y

Yours sincerely, -spook.