Making sense of love for love's sake: the game
Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:
'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'
And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".
When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.
And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.
And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:
"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable."
"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that"
"The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."
Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.
"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that"
"The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."
"Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?"
"Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."
And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.
"I don't like talking about destiny."
"Why?"
"Because it means everything is predestined."
"Then do you not believe in fate?"
"Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying."
"Really? Then Myungha..."
And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.
And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.
And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.
The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.
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[BatIM Cthulhu AU] A couple of doodles from session two, which UNSETTLED SAMMY A LOT ACTUALLY...
There have been small changes, throughout New York -- doors opening on the wrong side of the street, houses ending up just a block away from where you remembered them -- but the only people who can even tell seem to be those who remember Carcosa. Joey, Sammy, Henry, Jack, Peter, and Norman all experienced the strange shifting realm when a Mardi Gras party attempted to bring dread Carcosa to New Orleans, but Susie wasn't there. She can't see the changes we see, and the entire rest of the city agrees with her. That door was always there? The car was always that colour. That's where I remember the address being before, and there's no record it was ever different.
She trusts what the boys are reporting must be true, that maybe there are changes she can't see or remember, and both she and Sammy are terrified. These are only little things, but as more and more of the city slips into the world of the King in Yellow, what else might be rewritten...?
Anyway EVERYONE'S HAVING A GREAT TIME. If you're here for Out Of Context Quotes from our session, I have some of those too, here, under the cut!!
[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]
[Jack] I love how detective Pete is for a guy who is NOT a detective.
[Sammy] He just got assigned that by Joey Drew and now it's true.
[Joey] Exactly! That's how it works.
[Sammy] The idea of JDS having its own employed detective is really funny to me. "Why do you need that? You're an animation studio." "Well, you know, things come up,"
[GM] Everybody went home I believe, except Joey went to the Studio, which is like home,
[Sammy] Do we have any plan, other than just go in to work,
[Jack] I though you were gonna say "other than go insane"...
[Joey] If Prophet's not the one going for the ink, then why is Sammy going for it?! Do they have a SECOND prophet situation???
[Jack] PROPHET...... TWO!!!
[Henry] Prophet 2: Electric Boogaloo
[Sammy] *tiredly* We don't need any more Prophets..... We don't need any more Sammys..... we have enough.....
[Jack] You just need to sip some ink and tell them it's the wrong number. Like, you've got the wrong guy.
[Henry] New stone, who dis?
[Sammy] It was the false king who called through the ink, not our Lord!
[Joey] Interesting...
[Joey] Joey's going to ask Bendy if he can... feel this? Is he getting calls? *dad voice* Is someone calling you? Don't put your number on the internet!
[GM] Bendy says he wasn't made to be a receiver the same way Sammy was.
[Jack] So technically, it's "New Sam, who dis"!
[Joey] Okay, Joey's going to note this all down in his... Notebook Of Nonsense That Plagues Them,
[GM] I'm choosing to believe that whenever Norman called in, he gave some sort of outlandish excuse, and whoever answered the phone didn't... write it down...
[Sammy] Like the heckin', grian excuses--
[Joey] "I'm cutting my grass, with scissors"
[Jack] Yeah!! He's cutting his grass! With scissors! In winter!!!
[Sammy] And then Sammy's like "Do we know why he called out?" and the receptionist is just like "No We Have NO Idea"
[Jack] With the most tired sigh. Second only to Grant.
[GM] Fun fact, Norman would answer the phone.
[Sammy] Norman actually was just like, "ohhhhhhh i know THIS is some supernatural bullshit happening, I'm gonna stay home"
[Joey] Joey's going to ask Estelle if he looked like-- and give a vague description of Avedon.
[GM] ..............................
[GM] She is SO impressed that you knew this.
[Joey] *delighted cackling*
[Jack] I love how cute Joey is about this kid. Just like... the cool Bendy Uncle! He's not related at all, but,
[Joey] I feel like this is kind of how Joey just gets around kids? Maybe Joey does really want kids, just, y'know, doesn't know how to do it when gay?
[Sammy] Obviously that won't happen, so--
[Joey] Yeah,
[Sammy] --so then you START AN ANIMATION STUDIO, that's the only other option!
[GM] Yeah, then all kids are your kids!
[GM] Alright, you've made many phone calls.
[Joey] Yeah,
[GM] And you only rudely hung up on one of them!
[Sammy] Sammy can surely track that down; he's used to digging up musicians.
[Jack] Jack's there to assist with the Talking to People in a way that makes them want to cooperate with you, and not run in fear!
[GM, speaking for Peter] *lists all of the information Peter's dug up* And that's about what he managed to get, today!
[Joey] And nothing weird has been happening... to him?
[GM] WELL, OKAY. ABOUT THAT,
[Peter] Could you describe again, the strange person who was at the party? What was that guy like?
[Joey] *thinking very hard* Which... strange person...? I mean... Denis was there?
[Norman] Try not to fall in a swamp this time.
[Joey] I'll let you know if I find one!
[Sammy] There's fewer of those in New York, so, I think we're good.
[Jack] I mean, you never know,,
[Sammy] ...yeah, that's true.....
[Joey] HEY, Joey will let him know if he finds one!!!
[Sammy] If LAKE PONCHARTRAIN opens up in the MIDDLE OF NEW YORK CITY, that will certainly be something to let all of our friends know!
[GM] Make a social-type checks to have a word with them beforehand!
[Sammy] I don't know, if I should do that,,,
[GM] SAMMY can make an Appearance check!
[Sammy] *laughing* LETS SEE IF IM HANDSOME ENOUGH to get let in!
[GM] Everybody's like "You guys!" You're greeted with nostalgia, and eagerness! and people are trying to small talk you, I'm guessing Sammy's not going for that.
[Sammy] I mean, you can try to small talk.... AT him...
[Sammy] He doesn't... y'know... it's like playing a game of catch where you throw the ball to somebody, and they just hold the ball.
[Sammy] Like.... okay!
[GM] I did the thing!
[Sammy] Cool, catch successful.
[Jack] No give, only throw!
[Sammy] Look, I was trying to drink ink this morning, so I feel like this is a step up.
[Sammy] Sammy will enjoy it! We should do this more often!
[Sammy] "We should do this more often" says man who will always be too busy to do this more often,
[GM] They're impressed that, at a job where there was a gunshot right in front of the stage, the thing you want to ask about is where they sourced their music.
[Sammy] I LOVE that Sammy's reputation is such that this makes perfect sense to them.
[GM] His name is Alan Leroy.
[Sammy] Okay, Leroy works, because then I'll remember it, because of Leroy Jenkins.
[GM] This is what's been going through my head the entire time, too...
[GM] They say he's a crazy-talented musician who blew into town a year or two ago? He's really nice and easy to get along with, and when he really gets going he can make sounds come out of his instrument like you've never heard!
[Sammy] These... are all.. compliments that would be really impressive except that they can all be interpreted in really concerning ways.......
[GM] If Jack wants to look harder, he can..........
[Jack] I'm doing it, Jack can make little a bad decision! He hasn't made any yet this season!!
[Jack] *rolls* That's an extreme success. How much sanity do I lose!!
[Henry] We're ghost hunters. The, the pale guy is a ghost, we're goin' after him. Ghost hunters.
[Henry] ...This is why you don't let Henry lead the conversation!!
[Jack] It's occurring to me that we don't know if this guy is alive???
[Joey] YUP! This is a good time to find out!
[Henry] Fun!
[GM] When have you EVER gone up to somebody's house and found them dead inside?
[Jack] Jack hasn't yet...
[Henry] The very first scenario!
[Sammy] Yeah it was a pretty bad situation as I recall, we were briefly accused of being involved!
[Jack] Maybe you guys. Jack's different, though.
[Joey] We wanted to make sure he was doing alright. .....does that need a Fast Talk roll?
[GM] Yeah, I was about to say--
[Joey] *rolls* *STARTS CACKLING*
[GM] What did you do, do you roll a three again?
[Joey] I DID ROLL A THREE! :D THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I ROLLED!
[GM] I thought it was the Three Laugh!
[Henry] Henry is tired. Henry rolled a 93.
[GM] Well he's out late, you know, he's a family man! He has normal hours, he hasn't been staying up late, living at the studio for the last few years!
[Henry] He's regretting not accepting Joey's offer to just go home.
[Joey] *muttering* See, Joey knows best!
[GM] Okay, so you guys notice, right off, that the car isn't there.
[Sammy] UM. HM.
[Jack] Which car did we take again?
[Joey] The Mercedes...
[Jack] *relieved* Okay good.
[Jack] .... I MEAN, NOT GOOD, BUT...
[Joey] No, no I think it's OUR car... it's just... more yellow now...
[Jack] I don't like that that means it's getting yellower...
[Joey] ...........................So when do we take the sanity hit?
[GM] Yeah, that would be now!
[GM] The woman says she's looking forward to when he has his own ship, and they can sail away together!
[Henry]
[Henry] ...I'm married,...
[Joey] Joey has his face pressed to the window-- no, he probably has the window down, it doesn't matter how cold it is -- and... CAN the window go down? Hold on.
[Joey] *sounds of typing* "Car... door... window... down... history... when."
[Henry] Okay, these dice are BANNED. I rolled a 90!
[Jack] What if you subtly replace the dice...?
[Sammy] With slighty yellower dice!
[Joey] OKAY! There ARE rolling windows, so Joey does have the window rolled down, and he's intensely watching the colour of the car.
[Joey] AND ALSO, he's STILL sitting in the middle seat, he's just going to lean over someone to do this.
[Sammy] Ah. It's probably me.
[Jack] No, no, Pete and Jack can get kidnapped later and take some massive sanity damage together. ✨Cute date ideas!✨
[Joey] Joey's going to inform Norman that they're going to come over, they need additional eyes on something,
[GM] Well, he's good at keeping eyes on things!
[Joey] So they'll be over soon.
[Sammy] I like how Norman gets a heads up, but with Peter we just show up at his apartment.
[Joey] Exactly!
[Jack] That's because Joey's kissed Pete. When Joey and Norman kiss then that's -- not good for Sammy, probably.
[GM] At least Pete and Sammy are neutral. Non-reactive.
[Sammy] Norman and Sammy are "it's complicated" on Facebook.
[Sammy] Okay, we gotta go get Linda, so Susie's not alone,
[Jack] We're just playing "how many NPCs can we force Thren to play at once!" How many can we shove in the back of this car.
[Jack] Jack's gonna get home and find out his cats are different colours,
[Sammy] Oh NO,
[Jack] Comes back and Beans is a tortie now.
[Sammy] Or Beans is just an orange cat,
[Jack] Oh no! Her braincells!
[GM] She needs those! She has all of them!!
[Joey] Depending on who's the affected party, Susie or them, it is actually useful to have a second, like,
[Sammy] Someone to compare with? Yeah.
[Henry] We don't know WHO the control group is, but ONE of us is the control group!
[Joey] As trusted as Norman is, he isn't one of Joey's... white-knuckle-clutched-keepsakes of a person,
[Sammy] *sarcastic* Okay, everyone ready to go to sleep? That's not a scary prospect right now, right? That's something that we're all really confident about doing? Cool, that's great.
[Henry] Yeah, yeah, that's definitely not gonna, it's gonna go great...!
[GM] Nobody's even cut their hand on a slick stone! It's fine!
[Henry] NO ONE BETTER CUT THEIR HAND ON A SLICK STONE! We got enough problems!!
[Joey] (Looking at you, Prophet!)
[Henry] Is Joey,,, sharing this plan with anyone?
[Joey] ouo Has anyone asked him?
[Joey] Let's send Henry then!
[Henry] Alright. Send Henry to Carcosa!
[Sammy] *exasperated* yeah that's fine....
[Joey] It's not FULLY sending him there! It's just making a connection.
[Joey] A little bridge!
[Sammy] Uggghhhh... Sammy doesn't think we need any bridges to Carcosa.
[Sammy] We've got enough Carcosa.
[Sammy] Put some back.
[Sammy] This is what happens When You Give a Joey a Dream Spell.
[Sammy] We can't actually guarantee that New York isn't going to sink. That's not out of the question.
[Jack] Is the Joey Drew specialty NOT "promising things that aren't necessarily things you can promise??"
[Henry] Actually, before Henry leaves he's going to give Joey a hug.
[Joey] He doesn't get to leave.
[Henry] Oh.
[Joey] But Joey will take the hug!
[Henry] You know this man gives good hugs. You're getting a good Henry hug.
[Jack] Gonna crunch all of Joey's terrible, very bad bones.
[Henry] He's gonnna try not to crunch all of Joey's terrible bones!
[Henry] But, I dunno.
[Henry] Roll for damage.
[GM] The lurker knows this is serious, but he's also excited, because he has heard what a slumber party is from Henry's kids.
[GM] Now it is Friday, the 28th of December.
[Sammy] Okay. Cool. Let's all make an effort to not ring in the New Year in Carcosa. That's MY New Year's Resolution: Don't Be In Carcosa.
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I dont think Mob is naive as much as he's socially unaware, like the reason why he trusts Reigen so blindly is a bit more complex than just him being naive
Cause Mob reached out to Reigen because he was desperate to find someone like him, someone who understood his psychic specific issues, someone that could truly know what he's feeling and going through and give him guidance and support
Post incident Mob's thinking process was something along the lines of my powers hurt people -> my powers are bad -> my powers (my emotions, my instincts, myself) cannot be trusted
So he lost all confidence and trust in his own actions, resigning to being as passive as possible to avoid any further damage to anyone else, thus he started doubting his own perception of reality too
He's a kid already struggling with being ostracised for being socially inept, who just got traumatised and all of his insecurity increased by the tenfold, he doesn't know how to process what he's going through. He needs help.
And here comes Reigen, seemingly reliable, a responsible adult in a child's eyes, someone who claims he can understand him
Even tho Reigen doesnt. But it doesn't matter, because Mob finds comfort in his words and takes them to heart
Even if Reigen doesn't fully get it, even if he doesn't see the bigger picture, even if his advice isn't always the best
Eventually, Mob grows up, realises Reigen isn't as honest as he seemed through his 11 year old perspective, but like most things, he refuses to acknowledge it on a deeper level
Mob knows, but never tells Reigen, never thinks about what all those lies mean to him (ofc until he forces himself to face those doubts regarding Reigen, to properly acknowledge both of their flaws and accept them as they are, I should scream into the void about Confession Arc more God)
Due to his lack of trust in himself, Mob has relied on Reigen for years now to shape his moral compass, his thoughts, his decisions
Because well, Reigen lies, sure, but he isnt a bad person. When he hurts Mob, it isn't intentional or with ill intent, he still wants the best for him, what's the issue?
Except that it stunts Mob's growth. He doesn't develop as a person, doesn't have goals or wishes or ambitions, can't make choices on his own, he doesn't even let himself acknowledge his own emotions, he refuses to let himself exist
But Mob realises in time that he wants more than that, he wants to become better and be independent and feel again
Still, he puts the acknowledgement of the lies on hold for as long as he can, unwilling to question the way things are
This can make him feel a little naive, he constantly relies on Reigen and trusts his decisions and raises questions rarely until separation arc when he finally puts his foot down
And I do think that moment is the most resounding proof we have that Mob knows and allows himself to be used by Reigen, not wanting to shake the status quo, until he gets fed up
I mentioned the social ineptitude at the beggining but idk if I should even elaborate on that, you've watched the show, you know what I mean
He's blunt and can't read social cues or tonality that well and can't speak in front of crowds and is overall pretty awkward and I do think some people conflate that with naivety
Mob is still a child, he doesnt fully understand how the world works at the ripe age of 14 years old, but some folks take that as him being inherently naive/innocent/whatever which I don't find true
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So I was asked to expand on the whole Jamil having a trauma response to Leona comment on my last post, aaand here's that.
(This pertains to chapter 6 btw, so spoiler warning)
(also it's very much sleep deprived rambling so sorry if it's, well, rambly)
First off, I'm operating under the assumption that he has cPTSD. Jamil has clearly been programmed since birth to always obey the Asims and act in their best interests, even at the expense of his own life. This is a boy who has been forced to eat poison to protect them and their assets, who's family was forced to let that happen, and who has been so desperate his entire life to escape that situation that he was willing to resort to murder and doom not just himself but his whole family which he is implied to care about. Which means if simply quitting was an option, he would have done so. So, you kinda have to infer that he and his family don't have a choice in this role, and there are severe enough consequences for disobedience that fucking up or refusing is a worse option than risking a slow painful death every time Kalim wants to eat something. And this is all stuff that's been depicted blatantly in canon, not even touching on the assumptions that could be made from there.
So that's the position Jamil is in. That is a traumatic situation. This is a guy who has been groomed for servitude and obedience since he was old enough to talk. These kinds of circumstances absolutely can lead someone to be triggered into subservience or other trained behaviors. That's just, a thing with trauma.
Now, with the Asims being one of if not THE most powerful merchant families in their country, one of the expectations of Jamil as their servant and especially as the attendant to their heir is to ensure good relationships with other rich and powerful families, especially royalty. This was shown in the fireworks event, where he states that as a prince, if Malleus came to any harm under his watch while a guest of the Asims, it could start an international conflict. These are incredibly high stakes, a misstep on Jamil's part could ruin the Asim family and potentially even endanger his country, and it's pretty strongly implied that he and his family would take the blame and suffer the consequences. Now, much like how wearing a company logo while at work makes your actions representative of your employer, Jamil serving the Asims 24/7 (and especially as the chaperone of their heir) means that he is representing their family At All Times. This is why he is forced to defer to Kalim in all aspects of life even outside of their country, part of his job is to make his employers look good, and there are consequences for not doing so. This means that anyone of high enough status to be significant to the Asims is someone who Jamil is required to be subordinate to.
Then, enter Leona. As a wealthy prince, he would be someone who Jamil is expected maintain good relations with at any cost to himself. With his position Leona could literally destroy Jamil's (and probably his family's) entire life with a single complaint to the Asims about his conduct. Like, he could do that with no actual cause just for fun, because the Asims are 100% going to take the side of a prince over an expendable servant. This means that one misstep or any backtalk from Jamil puts him at massive risk, it is entirely up to Leona whether or not he suffers for any of these actions, and while the audience knows Leona's personal morals would prevent him from actually doing that, Jamil does not.
THEREFORE (sorry this ended up so long), once Jamil was in a life threatening situation with Leona, it seems likely that all this programming and fear would manifest in desperately trying to protect him and follow orders the way he's always done for Kalim. To me, the way he snapped into bodyguard mode, and immediately complied with every one of Leona's bitchy commands (like giving him a hair ornament to throw away without question, and barely saying anything about it after), even while being humiliated and knowing he was less trained in magic, just comes off more like a trigger response than anything. Especially because I can't imagine that situation not being triggering, and I can't imagine him knowing any other way to respond.
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