#when they’re not in a critical state of their relationship they’re literally the best

[euphoricfilter]

The sex was so random but i get it fr

i feel like that’s the closest we’ve gotten to their true dynamic 😭 like if you could see me and @bonny-kookoo talking about it i feel like you guys would get why they had sex soon soon after everything that happened

he’s just a pleasure giving fiend, and his gf is a little brat who loves to do nothing as he makes her feel good because who is she to deny his love language?

[sophiethewitch1]

Hey! I just wanted to say that I love the WWW series so much that I've literally read it like 4 times over. SO! I have several questions + observations about it that have been bugging me a little, if you don’t mind answering + talking about them.

Everyone’s ages are something that I've been curious about. I know that it’s stated that Damian and the Reader-insert are 3 years apart in age, 19 and 21 respectively. I’m assuming that they’re more like 2 1/2 years apart based on the ages we’ve been given.

Do they follow canon ages? For example, is Tim still around 7 years older than Damian???

Because i’m picturing the lineup looking something like this:

Bruce: 47

Dick: 33

Jason: 28

Tim: 26

Reader-insert: 21

Damian: 19

I was just curious because picturing everyone’s relative age is something that is really important to me when regarding the dynamics between characters.

Another thing that I noticed was how in the Reader-insert’s  original reality/world, her entire family died on the same day that Jason did. (“Your lives had both technically ended the same day, in the same grand calamity.”). Does that remain the same in this new world?

Because that would mean that the Reader-insert’s  counterpart would have known Jason at some point, which I think is SUPER interesting. Lots of implications.

That’s supported by something that Tim says in his 1st pov: “Your family had died, Bruce’s new wife had died, and all the siblings he never really got the opportunity to meet, gone in a brilliant flash.”

THAT has a few implications that I think are really interesting. It supports the idea that her family did die on the same day in this reality, and that she would have known and been living with Jason at the time (Well, before his death.)

Tim would have most likely only seen them at galas or something similar by that time…leading to his statement about how he “never really got the opportunity to meet” them.

This would mean that Jason knew her counterpart when the Reader-insert met him for the first time. 

Now, going off of all of those assumptions, I can only begin to guess what her and Dicks relationship was like before her family's death. I picture it like this:

Dick had only left the manor around 3 years TOPS before Bruce had remarried, bringing a whole nother family into the fold. Now, we don’t know too much about Dick in this story yet, (I'm SO excited to see more of him in the next chapter BTW) but I can assume that this would feel pretty upsetting. Leaving your home, and your adoptive? father only for him to marry into a whole new family not long after?

I’d be pretty bitter if it was me in his situation. I wouldn’t really want to have any kind of relationship with the new children he had taken in. MEANING that Dick and the counterpart didn’t have too much of a relationship before her family's death.

And between their death and Jason’s, Dick would probably consider the counterpart as some kind of chance to actually build a relationship with his siblings in the light of what he lost. Obviously, the counterpart didn’t appreciate the attempt.

Uhhh there’s probably a lot more that I'm forgetting to mention, but I think the way you write is super compelling, and the Reader-Insert has been the only one that I’ve ever read that I can relate to so well!

So TYSM for writing, it literally makes my day!! 🩷🩷🩷🫂🫂🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

(And I’m really bad at conveying my tone in text, so if I seem overly critical or anything then I’m really sorry!!! I don’t mean it like that!!!)

Sorry this took so long to answer I have been in sickly victorian woman mode. I'll answer these questions to the best that I can, but also I don't have everything planned and even if I did I regularly forget shit if I don't write it down <3 <3

First of all the ages- I aged both the younger Waynes up and the older ones down a bit, because I'm personally not into the super huge age gaps but also. Imagine them however you want, even if they come up later in continuity still just insert your personal preferences if you want. Like it really doesn't matter lmao they're relationship has bigger issues than the age gaps. Anyway here are how I had them written down but I might change my mind I am a fluid being

Reader: 21, Damian: 19, Tim: 22, Jason: 25, Dick: 29, Bruce: 45, Alfred: 67, Molly: Also 21, Cass: 25, Stephanie: 23, Barbara: 30, Duke: 20

Also yes, reader's family died the exact same day in both universes, and first world reader like... knew about the waynes but wasn't particularly interested in them till their own family was ripped away, then she started obsessing. in second world, reader and the batfam were like... sort of involved? she lived with them, and she was getting to know them, but wouldn't you be kind of weirded out if your mum married like. jeff bezos or something. and reader is sort of introvert coded, even if they don't read that way. it's just because she's trying so hard not to be, because she's so starved for attention. other world reader like,,, didn't seem to react the same way to what happened to her. but she might've, in the newest chapter it seems like she was talking to bruce after the disaster, and then stopped. But yeah you're right they never knew each other because not much effort was made to do so, and the Waynes are always SUPER busy.

Also about the Dick thing, he was actually pretty happy about the new family! But like you said he still didn't know other reader till the disaster. He just didn't have time to get to know her. He was obviously very upset with Bruce because he left to fuck off to Bludhaven for a while, but he's always loved how the Wayne family kept growing. Even when it was just him Jason, Babs and the weird kid who followed them around with a camera. Then he like decided he was going to treat her like a project because he has a savior complex that comes out especially so when he's having a hard time (oh damn my brothers dead). Not your best moment Dickie. I mean other reader definitely did need help but... as if she'd accept it from a guy like Dick. Imagine your entire family dies and you have to deal with the most beautiful guy on earth trying to comfort you while you look like a creature that crawled out of the sewers. And he tries to make you go outside because you're genuinely very mentally sick. I'd kill him tbh. Anyway this is all still technically up in the air and I might go back and edit the fic later because I'm like... very bad at timelines I just can never remember them properly which creates a lot of issues and inconsistencies.

Anyways thank you for sending in your questions/theories and enjoying my work so much! I'm glad you can relate to reader so well, she's like, one of the strangest characters I've ever written who refuses to behave in any concrete mannerisms because she's stubborn and has intimacy issues. But I think we're all a little bit like that lmao. And thank YOU for reading my stuff, I wouldn't still be doing it if it weren't for folks like you :P (also also you didn't come across as critical at all, you were very polite!!!)

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Just a tiny little side note; I’ve noticed another popular Vox headcanon throughout the fandom was that he had a daughter when he was alive - and said daughter was either

an innocent child who ends up dying tragically young directly before Vox’s death

an innocent child who ends up loosing her father when she was incredibly young and never truly knows how terrible he was

either way it leaves for Vox to suffer with emotions except NO! cause he suppresses them to the max lol (it causes more damage lmao!!!)

also seen people use this to layer Vox as a villain by showing more “softer sides” (well as soft as somebody like Vox could be)

Absent father who somewhat loves his kids to think about them & buy them plenty of gifts but not enough to actually be around

He will buy the ballet slippers but he will not be at the dance recital basically

Maybe juuusst maybe he will bring them along on “take your kid to work day” but will probably treat them like trophy children to show off

“Yeah. She got the 1st place in the spelling bee out of her entire elementary!! She’s also a piano prodigy! Ain’t she a smart girl? I’M such a good dad!!”

(Maybe Tom has gifted child burnout)

Oh, I wasn’t aware that Vox having kids was a popular headcanon. Yeah, Sarah definitely falls into the latter category; she lived to a ripe old age and clung on to the handful of fond memories of her dad, remaining in denial about how much of an asshole he really was, despite her brother and mother’s attempts to convince her otherwise (although the other day I came up with an idea where Vox’s kids die young in a car accident (their mother was driving under the influence) and end up in Hell for some reason. Vox probably kills their mom— partially out of anger for getting them killed, partially just because he wanted them for himself— or just picks them up off the streets if she survived the crash and takes them into his care. He keeps them hidden away (possibly in a literal fish tank since they’re both aquatic demons) to protect them from those who might try to harm them to get to him. He gives them all the material comforts they could ever want but never lets them out of his cameras' sight— he’s somehow both a helicopter parent and still super neglectful).

Vox sort of saw his kids more as facets of the “perfect life” he constructed for himself rather than as full people. The All-American Man™ was supposed to be the doting father of 2.5 kids, so that’s what he decided to be. Sarah slotted into that role well because of her timid, docile, and unconditionally loving personality, but Tommy was always more wise to how shitty and fake that image was and refused to fully play into it. As a result, Vox found it easier to interact with Sarah since she craved and would happily accept his affection/attention whenever he bothered to be around, whereas Tommy always looked at him with a more critical/resentful eye. He did genuinely love both his kids, but his self-absorption poisoned his relationships with them.

He’d provide them with all the material comforts they might need but never actually made time for them, only showing up when it was convenient for him. He loved bragging about their achievements to colleagues; he didn’t pressure them to excel that much since his own parents made his childhood miserable by constantly pushing him to be The Best at everything and he didn’t want to inflict that on them, although he could get pretty snappish when he felt like Tommy wasn’t performing his baseline role as The Happy, Perfect Son™. Vox would be thrilled if he ever reunited with him in Hell and learned he went into government— his son, a governor/state representative!— and even though Tom doesn’t want to want this asshole’s approval… he still kinda does.

Thankfully, after 170 years of Insane Stuff, Vox has gone through enough that when he reunites with Sarah in Heaven, he actually wants to build a real relationship with her. He has a hard time accepting his past faults as a father, but he’d too worn-down to continue being a phony asshole, and, well, now he’s got nothing but time to work on correcting those flaws.

[cooki3face]

six card pull: energy update ♡

pile one:

someone could be in a really emotional state or generally sort of ungrounded within themselves. Someone could be experiencing some self doubt or just generally have a pessimistic attitude towards certain things around them at this time. There’s an energy here of disruption, delays or something coming up and turning someone on their head or shaking up something in someone’s life or mind. Someone’s peace of mind is disturbed or someone could’ve been manifesting something here I see and something bursted their bubble and they may be having a hard time remaining positive or having a long term view of what’s to come from a positive standpoint or perspective.

Someone is wide open and vulnerable to these negative ideas and may be overthinking or losing control over themselves right now and I really see a need to meditate or return home to oneself here. Someone needs to invest some time in self care or shift their energy towards doing something that they enjoy. Someone could be having a hard time with their intuition, doubting intuition, having a hard time choosing things intuitively. Someone’s negative thoughts or anxiety and fear is getting in the way of them believing what is intuitively true or possible for them to have and obtain. Someone could be experiencing some sort of creative block as well. You could be an artist of some sort or maybe even a writer. I see someone not being able to do what they do best or not being able to muster up the passion to create something. This may be causing you to feel stuck, stagnant, or overwhelmed. You may use whatever this is as a sort of relief or coping strategy and you don’t feel able to do this right now. Almost like when you have to sneeze but it won’t come out or when you need to cry and you literally can’t.

But I do see this resolving in the future for you pile one, someone could be receiving Justice within a situation or some type of success or recognition is coming. You could be finally receiving your flowers for something that you do well or have been doing a long time without receiving the fruits of your labor or the attention and benefits you deserve from it. Someone could also have a fear of being seen or a fear of being perceived by others and this may be blockage for you when it comes to whatever this creative endeavor happens to be. Someone needs to work on that or that will be their shadow work topic for today, for the week, or even for this month. Something is coming in for you though I see, whatever this is is going to elevate whatever this pressure is that’s weighing you down or creating blockages for you. Creatively, emotionally, mentally, etc.

-

advice from spirit:

Try to remain true to the routines you have set in place for yourself. I see someone having a hard time sticking to their routines or feeling as though they don’t really have the energy to complete tasks or stick to their daily goals, cycles, or routines here and I hear spirit saying that the only way out is through and that includes you still picking up, taking care of yourself, or carrying on in the ways you can.

They’re saying keep trying to ground yourself and keep trying to manifest whatever it is that you’re manifesting right now at this time. There’s a need to fantasize or be very delusional and step outside of the human ego based way of thinking, step out of physical reality and start living and thinking in your fantasies and shut down any negative thinking or reality checking for yourself. Some of you could he really in depth thinkers, struggle with anxiety or be over thinkers and this type of thing may really put large gaps between you and your desires. Keep chipping away at that pre-conceived or conditioned way of thinking and seeing things. Some of you could be manifesting relationships, marriage, long term commitments, children, or financial success and abundance.

Yea, again, there’s something coming up here about self doubt and someone’s inner critic really getting the best of them, meditation and subliminal audios may be a really good tool for someone or something that needs to be added into someone’s routine as well as scripting. Things will get better. Whatever this is will pass. Everything you desire and everything you need from this point forward will be on its way to you, is on its way to you, and you will be receiving it but you need to release your fears so you can make room for the happiness you are on schedule to receive.

-

pile two:

There could be a lot of conflict within a situation in someone’s life right now. I also see someone being really tired or burnt out as well. There’s something here about betrayal or even deception. Someone could be hiding from someone as well. Someone is hiding something or doesn’t want to be seen by someone for fear of what they may find out about them. Someone could’ve blocked someone or someone could’ve cut off someone’s access to them. There’s this really huge energy here if someone having some sort of imbalance within their lives. Karmic energy, karmic cycles or things that they have a hard time not indulging in or spending time around due to an unhealed aspect of their minds. This could be alcohol, people, certain habits and coping mechanisms here.

This is a whole situation here that has a lot of details I’m hearing. There’s two sides to a story or multiple different energies involved but I see someone knowing that they need to heal or someone’s healing and well being being prioritized and the line between being selfish in a negative and malicious way and prioritizing one’s needs and feelings is very thin here with whoever this person is. Someone could’ve hurt someone’s feelings for their own selfish reasons but they have come to terms with the fact that there are aspects of themselves that they need to heal and therefore are keeping themselves locked away from whomever they’ve hurt. I hear this person saying that them putting space between themselves and this person was a good investment. Someone is looking down at all the work that needs to be done or really looking at things long term. “Can I continue down the path I’m going?” “If I continue this way I’m going to lose this person forever”

-

advice from spirit:

Spirit is asking that you stay focused on your healing journey, stay disciplined and allow this person and this connection to really get some air by keeping your distance and continuing to push towards improvement. I’m hearing this person makes things way too easy for you or has a tendency to coddle or enable you in a way because they love and care for you and there comes a time in one’s life where we have to take some initiative and responsibility and resolve our own issues or heal on our own.

Get out if that karmic relationship or get out of those karmic habits that you’re holding onto because that’s what’s keeping you stuck. You may have a fear of being alone or may cling to people or things for temporary fixes, to fill voids or for some false sense of security or validation. You could have a mother wound that’s the core of a lot of issues you may have that are keeping you stagnant and continue to push you into making decisions or doing things that cause this person pain or cause them harm. You could’ve made some sort impulsive decision after being disconnected from this person and jumped into a relationship to take the edge off a little bit but it is not the solution, there are no short cuts or back ways to healing and ascension. If you do anything you must do it right.

I’m hearing the ball is in your court with this Justice card in reverse, you’ve been dishonest, you’re being dishonest, you’ve been unfair, you’ve not taken accountability for your actions and you’ve not made things right or been who you needed to be to have this person that you love or admire or care for and that’s completely on you and it will now be your job to make things right and come towards this person right. This person may have made it abundantly clear that they won’t be playing games with you regardless of how gentle they are towards you. You know this person will move on and live without you if you don’t make changes and come to them with your head on straight and all your ducks in a row. Don’t let true love or happiness slip through your fingers for a version of yourself you hate to be, for people who do you no Justice, for habits that kill you slowly anyways, for trauma that gives you nightmares and keeps you stagnant anyways.

-

pile three:

Someone here is experiencing a really large lack of faith here or maybe even a lack of trust for some of you. Someone could feel that the gods are against them or the most high is punishing them for some act they’ve done or some type of behavior. Someone could be receiving karma or holding onto a lot of guilt for something they’ve done, something they’ve said, etc. someone could’ve kept secrets from someone or someone could’ve made a decision, or upheld some type of harmful behavior due to insecurities or some type of deeply rooted resentment or negative energy they held against someone or had within themselves for someone.

I see someone finally being aware of their actions/behaviors/beliefs and the harm they’ve done others or someone in particular. You could’ve been in denial and/or unaware of the part you played in someone’s life or the motive behind your actions or your behavior and all of this is coming to a head right now. Whatever this connection is or relationship you had with someone is really dead and over and this persons absence or the action they took to rid themselves of you could’ve woken you up to your behavior and way of thinking. You could have a bad habit of victimizing yourself or believing that you can do no wrong.

Someone could have an inner child wound here or have experiences where as a child you were constantly belittled or berated for making mistakes or constantly criticized by your parents or made to feel like everything you did was wrong or you were constantly ruining something and you could’ve built up a way about yourself where instead of acknowledging when you’re wrong or taking accountability for your actions you do the exact opposite and try to justify your actions or victimize yourself when you’ve done something wrong. You may hide from the truth or ignore the truth coming out or pretend to be oblivious when light is cast on your flaws, your behaviors and your actions. I see someone doubting their own intuition as well when they know they’re in the wrong and suppressing it.

-

advice from spirit:

Someone is being asked to gather all their energy and ground themselves. You could need to take a break from social media or self isolate so you could be alone with yourself for once in your life. You could use people to validate yourself or prove to yourself that you’re lovable, desirable or are capable of being someone that people admire in relationships. There’s something really significant about your personal relationships and the way you use them to validate and prove to yourself that you’re not alone or you’re not a bad person. You could have a habit of clinging to people who are damaged or have stagnation and karmic energy within their own lives just to say that you support someone, to say that you can give to someone, to say that you helped someone because it makes you feel good about yourself and it makes you feel like you have a purpose when in all actuality your motive is very superficial.

Spirit asks that you take this situation or this person no longer being around you or in your life any longer as a lesson and continue to grow and progress and become self aware about who you are and all the inner work you need to do for yourself so that you can become a better person, lift your spirits and become more at peace with yourself. This person could’ve read you to filth a lot of times and you could’ve ignored this person or taken their guidance or advice for granted because you weren’t ready to look at yourself in the mirror or really see your own shadow for what it is.

I see your harboring and holding onto a lot of fear within your life as well, of what people think of you, of how capable you are, etc. I’m seeing that what you did to this person wasn’t right. You could’ve done what you did out of fear that they’d do what you did to you, or out of fear that they would hurt you, wrong you, or deceive you so this was your way of creating insurance for yourself and making sure you had something to land on if you fell. I see these ideas and the fear you held onto being very unrealistic and something you created yourself to make this person the bad guy in your story because in all honesty you loved or admired this person and maybe even looked up to them and loved being around them. You could be jealous too. You could not want this person to move on from you, or to have nice things or live in abundance because you feel that this person is so much better than you and it’s uncomfortable. You could’ve said things to this person that were mean or could’ve revealed that you were envious of this person or something you did revealed insecurity to this person and they are thinking of this and holding this to the light. For some of you this person could’ve been a close friend or even a lover or both. Bet you’re feeling the loss now.

[gifted-loser]

The Grief of Having a Trans Child

I am mother to an amazing kid.

Assigned female at birth, but — cheeky as he is in all things — he let me know he doesn’t do assigned seating.

I’ve always been an ally. I’ve always surrounded myself with unique people who are authentically themselves, despite what the majority deems traditional. And though I am a cis woman with what may be deemed a very, um, basic aesthetic, I’ve never held much stock in fitting in.

I pride myself in being a mother who does not live vicariously through her children, or see them as an extension of herself. They’re autonomous human beings who I happened to manufacture, yes. But it’s always been important to me to lay a foundation not rooted in indoctrination, but in strong critical thinking skills.

For example, I haven’t been religious in many years. However, I am from Mississippi, arguably the most religious and ignorant and most definitely poorest state. I did not want to make my children’s mind up about what, if anything, they believed about religion.

I allowed them to attend church with family when THEY wanted to. When they decided they didn’t want to go any longer, I didn’t let anyone force them. I taught them not to make knee-jerk decisions, half-cocked on partial information, but to take in all sides of any argument and use logic to make up their own minds.

And damn, I did a great job because I can hardly win an argument anymore.

My long-winded point here is: it may surprise a lot of people to know how grief-stricken and conflicted I felt when my child came out to me as trans.

As an ally, I’d never had a fraction of negative emotion concerning anyone else’s preferences. You may wonder why, then — if I was truly an ally and as open as I claim — would I feel anything but happiness for my baby becoming who they were meant to be?

And this is the part that I think people should hear that I’m not seeing often made clear from a parent’s perspective. This is because, at first glance, it may appear transphobic in nature. In my case (I’m not saying every case), it’s much more complex.

So why would a non-transphobic, LGBTQ ally parent have such an adverse and upset reaction to learning their child is trans?

Explaining to the best of my ability, first and foremost I was hurt because I realized my child was hurting.

That this body — the body I made with my body, the body I rocked and held and dressed and kissed its fat cheeks — was so perfect to me.

Yet, to my child who means the world to me, this body caused grief. This body caused heartache and dysphoria and even suicide ideation.

Intellectually, I knew this had less than nothing to do with me. But emotionally, I was distressed.

Is this my fault, that my child hates their body? Did I fail to give my child confidence to love themself? Did I not instill enough body positivity, or possibly did I complain about my own form too often, causing my baby to question theirs?

How could my child hate what I thought so amazing and perfect, and what could I have done to make my baby love themself as I had always loved them?

It wasn’t just about the fact that I’d always seen perfection there; it was the pain and turmoil that my kid not only didn’t see perfection, but literally saw their physical body as their biggest obstacle in life.

It was the pain the body caused them, that also pained me.

Honestly, it still does.

The second wave of grief came not from what was, but what would never be.

All those images in my head of what our relationship would look like. Prom dresses and manicures and wedding gowns. If I’m being honest and had been paying attention, I’d have known none of those things were going to happen — not in that cookie-cutter way — regardless.

This grief was much easier for me to get over. This year I helped him dress in his matching white tux to go with his boyfriend to prom, and I bawled my eyes out. Not out of sadness, but with happiness that he was so happy, and because he is so freaking cute.

Now, I’m left with the third wave of sadness and grief. And it all stems from the fact that there’s a great big world out there that I can’t fix for him.

He’s in danger just by walking down the street. He’s in danger just by existing. And I live with the fear that some horrible person will attempt to end my child’s life out of ignorance and hatred. Someone who doesn’t know or doesn’t care that his favorite thing in the world is kittens. Or that he makes sure his little sister gets on and off the bus safely every day, even though he pretends he can’t stand her. Or that even though he calls me by my first name to his friends, when no one is listening he still calls me Momma.

Given the murky political waters of late, that fear isn’t going away anytime soon. It is growing.

So I hope sharing my own struggles with a child coming out as trans may help other parents in similar situations understand they’re not alone. It’s okay to have complex and even mixed, conflicting emotions to sort through. It is a process. For them, and for us.

And I hope any trans person struggling with understanding their parents’ feelings may benefit. Because not everyone will deal with difficult emotions the same. It may look like grief; it may look like denial, or even rage. But it also may help to know that sometimes those ugly emotions stem from softer ones. Not everyone is able to articulate or manage such a tidal wave of intense, deeply personal emotions.

You are worthy.

You shouldn’t have to deal with disrespect or rejection of your true self. That’s not okay. But if your parents love YOU, not their idea of who you SHOULD be, but YOU — don’t give up. They may need more time than you thought, but true love always wins.

As for myself, I’m an imperfect person just trying to do the best I can, like the rest. I don’t always get it right, and I have and will most likely fail my children again at some point — not intentionally, but because that’s the nature of being human. We’re prone to errors and mistakes. None of us, no matter how well-intended, are spared from that singular truth.

However, for anyone struggling with an unsupportive family, country, world — I want to let you know that YOU ARE WORTHY. And just like MY SON is still perfect, so are YOU. ❤

[acourtofthought]

You’re missing my point again. When I say “second choice,” I don’t mean literally counting the number of prior relationships they’ve had, because yeah, then you could argue that Mor is Azriel’s first choice.

I’m talking specifically to the context of this whole shipping war. Like it or not, SJM has set up Elain to have two love interests: she is mated to Lucien, and then she appears to be romantically/sexually interested in Azriel. I’m sure I don’t need to convince you of that. Denying it is ridiculous at this point.

SJM has also set up Elain and Azriel’s connection first. That is a fact. There were hints of elriel throughout ACOWAR and beyond, and then we see their attraction for each other come to fruition in the bonus chapter - Elain asks Azriel to kiss her, and Azriel clearly reciprocates that same desire.

Thus, for elucien to become canon, something has to occur between Azriel and Elain for them to no longer pursue their attraction and feelings for each other further. Perhaps Elain and Azriel realise they’re better off as friends. Perhaps Azriel falls madly in love with Gwyn and no longer has an interest in Elain. Perhaps Azriel heeds Rhys’s warning about staying away, and never bothers Elain again. Or yes, perhaps after returning the necklace, Elain now dislikes Azriel, and loses feelings for him entirely (but it’s not like SJM will use that as a critical turning point, considering that it’s in a bonus chapter that most readers don’t have access to).

But no matter what, the fact remains that something has to happen to fracture the connection that SJM has built up between Elain and Azriel. For elucien to happen, Azriel needs to be out of the picture. This, by definition and literal logic, means that Lucien is the second choice. Elain will only look to Lucien when she is no longer looking to Azriel. And it’s literally irrefutable; if Lucien wasn’t the second choice, then a shipping war like this wouldn’t even exist, and Elain would be falling in love with Lucien, and reciprocating his kind gestures and affection.

But, obviously that’s not what is happening in the books. Instead, Azriel and Elain are making out while Lucien sleeps in the exact same house. Right after Lucien gifted Elain beautiful pearl earrings, which she “barely thanked” him for (something that caused Lucien “pain”). And then Elain is perfectly fine giving Azriel cute and thoughtful gifts, but doesn’t give a single thing to Lucien in return.

Elain may have her reasons, and that’s perfectly fine, but reasons aren’t excuses for causing other people, like Lucien, to be hurt. Lucien deserves someone who will not only recognise the thought and effort that he puts into his own gifts, but will also reciprocate that same effort back. At present, Elain is not that person.

And sure, that could change in future books - but as I said, it’ll only be because whatever is going on between Elain and Azriel didn’t work out first. Lucien deserves to be someone’s FIRST choice. That’s not a controversial thing to say, that’s just wanting the best for a character that you yourself claim to love.

As for the other ask on your page telling non-elucien people to not interact with your account, or whatever it was… with all due respect, this very tumblr account dedicates a significant amount of time and effort to disproving and attempting to debunk elriel, as well as other people’s ships, theories, and whatever else - on a public platform. You get back the energy that you’re putting out. If y’all want your own personal echo chamber for everyone to agree with you, start a group chat or a private discord or something

I'm not sure why you're pointing out to me what someone else asked on my account when my response clearly stated that I was open to debate.

You realize I have already addressed every single thing you've now said again, right?

Lucien does not deserve to be anyone's first choice anymore than anyone else. This wouldn't be the first time SJM wrote a sort of love triangle but it is the first time she's written a story where the female was fully aware of the bond. That comes with a heaviness you keep trying to make light of.

Right now, Elain is making her romantic decisions while not in the right frame of mind. She's suffered extreme losses, is trying to find her footing and who she is and she latched on to Azriel for the wrong reasons (because he doesn't have a Mating Bond with her).

Lucien has been around for centuries and experienced the loss of his love. Do you honestly think a character who is noted as extremely wise can't understand why Elain is not in a place to make a decision on him? Do you really think he's so stupid that he doesn't understand why Elain isn't running into his arms? That she needs time to just "Be?" before committing. That she deserves a rebound? Consider how many females he had dalliances with after Jesminda yet he's still not over Jesminda. Regardless of her bond with Lucien, she should be entitled time to recover from one serious relationship before entering another.

Keep in mind Elain only wanted to kiss Az. She doesn't want to be his girlfriend, move in with him. All we know is she was willing to make out with him.

And of course it hurts Lucien, hurts the readers. But Lucien doesn't deserve to be called "first choice!" more than Elain deserves time to explore her new world and make sure the person she ends up with is for the right reasons and not just by default. They're both in a shitty situation where "first choice" isn't a realistic option.

And you keep tossing "but he's her Mate!" around but you forget that for the sisters (especially Nesta), they struggle with Mates. It's not a human thing and it took Nesta a long time to call Cassian her Mate even after they fell in love. So why would you expect Elain to be the only one who thinks, "he's my Mate so I must not consider doing anything in my life that hurts him because having a Mate means my I HAVE to give everything to him right after I got out of an engagement! His feelings are more important than giving myself time to figure out what I want as a 24 year old female who just lost her fiance, humanity and father!"

Elain is Luciens Mate yet he's still struggling with guilt over Jesminda so at this point is Elain his first choice because of who she is or simply because they're Mates?

And of of course Elain is not "that person" for Lucien right now. Was Nesta that person for Cassian before SF? Was Nesta concerned about Cassian's feelings? Did Nesta put Cassian first over the other males she chose to bed? She too, based on Canon knew there was something between she and Cassian yet she didn't seem all that worried about answering her door in ANOTHER MALES SHIRT.

You're just looking foolish with your repeated asks when you're trying to guilt me into not feeling bad enough for Lucien when Lucien himself wasn't even ready to make Elain his first choice because he was still thinking about Jesminda.

Lucien and Elain need to really get to know one another before you can start tossing around "choice". When you don't actually know a person, you're not making an informed choice. Elain can't "pick" or "reject" Lucien when she doesn't truly know him. Her stubbornness is preventing her from getting to know him but it's not like she truly knows him and rejected him.

She hasn't rejected Lucien or picked Az because she still has a bond with Lucien and hasn't rejected it. She was only willing to kiss Az, not be with him. You're confusing love and lust.

And for the third time, I'd rather Elain grow a bit before making decisions about Lucien and if I were Lucien, I'd want that for her too. You forget these Fae are immortal. A few years is a few months to us. I'm OK knowing that neither Lucien or Elain is where or who they're meant to be and I'd rather see that happening first before they really consider getting to know one another.

Elain is NOT AZRIEL'S first choice. He wants Mor. Azriel has known Elain since ACOMAF. Elain became single in ACOWAR. In ACOFAS, Az was STILL looking at Mor with hunger and longing. He was relieved that he didn't have to get Elain a Solstice gift. In SF, he expresses jealousy over Helion's comments regarding Mor and interrupts Feyre who was about to answer Nesta regarding telling Elain about her pregnancy to ask whether she had told Mor.

I don't care how many cute moments you want to spew in regards to E/riel but it is canon that Elain has never been Az's first choice considering he was still in love with Mor one Solstice ago and he has never been hers. She wanted Graysen, not Az. Az was just the default "not Graysen, only Male I don't have a intense Mating Bond" with. He's literally the "thanks for participating" trophy.

And something ALREADY HAS HAPPENED to Az and Elain. She rejected him when she returned his necklace. They are done. That's all she wrote. End of whatever they could have been.

You think Elain is going to be such a simpering idiot to go back to Az after he told her they were a mistake? Sorry I like a bit more lady balls on my FMC. Even if Az told her what happened with Rhys, this is what it would look like:

"Yeah, he said I needed to stay away from you after I wouldn't answer whether I was over Mor and I said I'd have no problems with killing Lucien. And I didn't say it out loud but I also thought to myself that I haven't thought of you beyond my sexual fantasies. So yeah baby, give me another chance? " 🤦

Without the Bonus Chapter, you'd never have confirmation that Elain was willing to kiss az. No confirmation on what that "charged glance" Nesta witnesses meant. So SJM can easily start the next book and have had Elain and Az fizzle out because the most we would have ever witnessed is a charged glance and that would be it, no further Elriel moments after that. Nesta would have noted Az had a secret crush but so what? Feyre and Tamlin were engaged yet they ended up together. And the series would have ended with Nesta being delighted over Gwyn making Az her new ribbon.

Even without the Bonus Chapter your ship has sailed however the Bonus Chapters are canon. They hint at the direction the series is going just as Wings and Embers hinted at Cassian and Nesta's future

I'm sorry you feel like love stories are only valid if the MMC is the FMC first choice. I suggest you expand your reading so you can see that just because someone isn't the first choice doesn't mean they can't end up being the BEST choice. And again, Elain didn't choose Az over Lucien because she's trying to ignore Lucien. She's most likely overwhelmed by everything that happened to her and her bond to him complicates that so she's pretending it doesn't exist. Hooking up with Az because she's in denial isn't a point in Az's favor.

If I say Cookies & Cream over Mint Chocolate chip is my favorite ice cream without ever having tried Mint Chocolate Chip, do you really consider that a true choice? Or is it a choice by default?

It seems E/riels are scared of Elain actually getting to know Lucien for real in her book. Because getting to know Lucien means that then it really would become a "who is the better Male for her?" question. Right now the only reason she's interested in Az is because she has a bond with him. Take the bond out of the equation and it's really just two males to pick from, neither with some sort of wild overwhelming bond to her. And based on Canon, Elain has more important similarities to Lucien than she has with Az and that should make you nervous.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

going off on that other anon talking about tarot readings on idols that when they really get into the relationship and dating aspects, personally idk people can argue and disagree with me on this but when it comes to those kinds of readings when it gets SUPER specific all the way down to having “exact names” of people/‘partners’ and stuff along those lines where people start going in with guessing games of names in ask boxes and the tarot readers being like “hehe nope but it’s another idol 😜” , it kinda just gives off the feel of them trying to start drama/rumors/unease amongst stans and to help have their accounts gain traction. kind of like those kpop prediction and sasaeng accounts you see where they share all this “tea” they have and people eat it UP constantly. esp when they’ll say oh take this stuff with a grain of salt and then proceed to state everything like it’s a real fact and all that they’re saying is definitely happening, help fuel the fire with their own inputs/opinions/biases and let their followers defend them if someone thinks that their stuff is iffy.

makes me feel ?? about it not just because of the ethics of it but when you really think critically and rationally about it, the ‘accuracy’ of it seems quite flimsy particularly when things they’ve said in the past contradict their current things but then they can brush it off with some other excuse being like “oh it was like x but now it’s y haha oops”. idk lately it’s been giving me off vibes with the gossip mongering of it all. minus the whole “how would you even know THIS much so specifically from cards/pendulums/etc. alone”, all these sorts of accounts always have the upper hand because of the status they’ve given themselves with the “power/ability/info” that the rest of us don’t have - be it that they’re a tarot reader or predictor, or so called sasaeng, because they refer to themselves as these things they can easily say just about ANYTHING post it and have people run with their words. literally in the past there have been accounts that have straight up said that they were lying about everything they said, the stuff they said wasn’t even accurate and yet maintained a following with people saying how accurate their stuff was which is 😭 for all we know these kinds of specific accounts will just throw together whatever for the heck of it because they CAN and hide behind the “oh but take it lightly though and you don’t have to believe me buuuuut 😳 cards do be saying that” to scare people.

readings seriously vary where look at any four accounts that do these monthly tarot readings on group members and they have different things based on their interpretations (hoping that they do these unbiased though cause being biased seems like it affects the whole thing) so ultimately they’re not the best things to really pay heed to because in the end, what do any of us really know especially with the things we’re reading on the internet? idols are capable of being nice, doing things can be not as nice at any sort of degree, and anything in between but what’s most real is what happens in front of us whether if we see it or not. if your gut feels like this stuff seems way off and ridiculous, maybe you’re not all that wrong actually and try to not let these kinds of things mess with our heads and perceptions of people we never fully know even if it can be hard.

i think that’s why i kinda would give more credence to astrology and natal charts because there’s something about it that feels more ?? grounding about it even if those too aren’t 100% accurate (since we’re all capable of being different and changing). but reading the breakdowns of it with specific aspects that can suggest something about someone’s personality and what they can be like now and later on - they’re sorta just laid out there for you and more digestible/interesting/not ominous which is why yours and others’ natal chart reading posts are better food for thought content. (general readings on future potential stuff is interesting/fun to read though it’s really those current readings that are like huh 🤨 even though people will counterargue everything i just said lmfao)

sorry for the long ass rant, i know the exact account you were talking about in that other ask about all that yh relationship stuff and had a lot of Thoughts about it for quite some time now that i wanted to let out if it wasn’t obvious 😭 keep being great with your works and being you !

Hey! I agree with you on most of these posts and I personally would choose astrology over tarot blogs for kpop information.

I read tarot myself and do follow tarot and P.A.C blogs but I don't participate in looking at 'current' readings on idols because I just don't feel it's our business, like does it really matter if our bias is single or not?

At least with astrology right, you can offer a more in-depth analysis with using physical evidence like natal charts to visually see and understand what I'm interpreting.

I just go off based on how I would feel and if I were a kpop idol, I wouldn't care if people analysed my natal chart, I wouldn't care if people made edits, I wouldn't care if people wrote smut about me.

But I would care if someone was saying things about me that weren't true and without any type of evidence or proof.

Particularly if it was really inflammatory and I know how much value stans put on their idols and a simple comment could change how a person views an idol so quickly.

Anyway-thank you for the conversation! This was a great thing to talk about *waves heart at you*

[the-alan-price-combo]

Before I get into the (Affectionate) Stuff:

A handful of “disclaimers” about this analysis, so you know what to expect.

All Sections | Next Section

There will be citations for all of the general information I will be sharing, alongside some scans and images where I see them fit. While a handful of this information has been collected from biographies about the Animals and more recent interviews, most of the most affectionate content will be pulled from snippets of old music magazines. Funnily enough, most of those old articles are way less biased than the information circling around now.

While the cited-stuff will be pretty obvious, I’ll also be adding a lot of my personal thoughts to each “fun fact”. …Yes, quite a bit of this is going to be extrapolation, but anything additional I have to add will not extend beyond whatever is presented and the context preceding/following it. Relative to other homoerotic-songwriting-duos of this era of music, these two haven’t been nearly as well-documented… which is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a shame there isn’t more out there and what information we do have doesn’t have much detail, but that just leaves room for speculation during any gaps in time.

I will do my very best to not let anything skew beyond the parameters of pure friendship. I… have my thoughts on the more intimate aspects of their relationship, and, if I’m being honest, a good amount of Alan’s behavior would make a lot of sense if he had some form of deep feelings for Eric - whatever that entails. A queer analysis of Alan’s behavior and especially his music might be something I do in the future... However, those theories are very speculatory and I won’t go into them here. I want to give a very objective, relatively platonic view of their relationship, though there will be some unavoidable hints of homoeroticism. Hashtag Not My Fault. 😔

If you know me at all, then you know that I have a massive amount of sympathy towards Alan. Yes, I think his alleged taking-of-the-royalties-without-sharing-a-cent is a bad look, and the way he left in May of ‘65 was very unceremonious - both of these decisions deserve all of the criticism they get. However, with just a bit of digging and careful listening to his more autobiographical songs, you’ll find out that Alan had and still has many issues. Many, many undiagnosed issues, revolving around depression and anxiety, in particular. Again, some of this is just speculation… but this is a guy who literally describes his mental state as “many times I feel like running through a brick wall. But it’s few and far between now, ‘cause I ain’t got the strength anymore.” So… yeah. I don’t see Alan as some sort of malicious aggressor who was constantly pushing Eric’s buttons on purpose. I see him as a very depressed and manipulated individual who never got to properly work through his issues and made some mistakes because of them.

I won’t be making any direct comparisons between this pair and any other homoerotic-songwriting-duos if I can help it, since these two can really stand on their own. Back when I was first researching them in September of 2020, even I fell into the trap of thinking “Oh, so they’re just a failed Lennon/McCartney or Jagger/Richards, and there was a lot of tension because they couldn’t be them? Hmm...” Honestly, the songwriting portion of their relationship is relatively miniscule to the musical partnership they shared - Alan’s keys combined with Eric’s voice - as well as their general friendship. The songwriting was very artificial, all things considered; rushed and coaxed out of them by an anxious record producer and manager. I’ll go more into detail about their songwriting later, but I just wanted to make it clear that I’m not trying to pit any duos against each other, in terms of how effective they were or how healthy their relationship was, or whatever. Alan and Eric’s relationship wasn’t perfect and I love them for that.

Please take breaks while you read this; drink a beverage of some sort, eat a cookie, fold some laundry, then come back to this. I don’t mean to be trite, I’m just being very honest. All of this information has been gathered over almost two years, and believe me, having gaps in time to process everything was appreciated. Or, who knows, maybe I was just overwhelmed by all of the (affection). In any case, prepare yourself for a long, homoerotic read ahead!

Also, additions will be made to this if I find new, relevant information about their relationship! I’ll be sure to add dates of when I found this information so it’s clear as to what was originally written here and what was a later discovery.

Asks are always welcome, if you’d like clarification, have any questions, or to see an article in print/any footage! I have basically all of the receipts for the quoted stuff, there’s just a handful of dates I need to iron out.

Lastly, I want to give a huge shout-out to my buddy @tealightwhimsy​. Legit, about half of what you are about to read was found thanks to her own digging. I’ve only been able to afford so many issues of imported, obscure UK music magazines, so her finding of some of these magazine scans and interviews was a lifesaver. THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE HELP AND LETTING ME TALK YOU EAR OFF ABOUT THEM TO YOU!!

Alright, Burdon/Price time.

The Animal Squad (names that will come up a lot):

Eric Burdon - lead vocalist of the Animals, through all of its iterations that I’ll be mentioning here

Alan Price - keyboardist of the Animals until May of ‘65, as well as for their ‘77 reunion album and ‘83 reunion tour

Hilton Valentine - lead guitarist of the Animals until September of ‘66, as well as for their ‘77 reunion album and ‘83 reunion tour

Bryan “Chas” Chandler - bass guitarist of the Animals until September of ‘66, as well as for their ‘77 reunion album and ‘83 reunion tour

John Steel - drummer of the Animals until February of ‘66, as well as for their ‘77 reunion album and ‘83 reunion tour

Mickey Gallagher - replaced Alan Price on keyboard initially following his departure in early May of ‘65, for the Animals’ tour in Sweden

Dave Rowberry - replaced Alan Price on keyboard in late May of ‘65, stayed with the Animals until their break-up in September of ‘66

Barry Jenkins - replaced John Steel on drums in February of ‘66, stayed with the Animals through their September ‘66 break-up and reformation into Eric Burdon and Animals, until their break-up in December of ‘68

Mickie Most - the Animals’ record producer until late-‘65

Michael Jefferies - the Animals’ manager until their break-up in September of ‘66, and later the manager of Eric Burdon and the Animals until mid-‘68

“The Bob Squad” - what I affectionately call Bob Dylan and his entourage when they visited England in May of 1965

…It’s mostly going to be these five, though. Especially the first two. Also, same, John.

All Sections | Next Section

[httpmentalbreakdown]

I know a lot of people like to criticize Bella for being depressed and catatonic after Edward left. “Why is she so depressed she can’t function?”. Think about it this way, this story is supernatural. I say this because it’s so important when you consider Edward and Bella’s relationships and actions. It’s implied and stated that Edward and Bella are mated like how the rest of the Cullens are. Mating is stronger form of love than “human love” because vampire emotions are more heightened. Which is why Victoria was willing to hunt Bella relentlessly after James was killed. My theory is that Bella felt this love even as a human. Edward always argued he loves Bella more than she loves him. However, the way Bella was drawn to Edward and didn’t have a sense of fear makes me believe this. She was slightly scared, but not how humans normally are.

When Edward leaves, Bella immediately goes into a deep depression/catatonic, has nightmares, and is physically in pain. She constantly puts her hands around herself to “hold herself together” because she feels literally torn apart. She feels these heightened emotions but as a human, which is why it hurts so much probably. Edward returning and being near fills the hole and puts her back together. However, I will say Bella’s trust issues and doubt should have been analyzed further. Also on top of Edward leaving, the Cullens also leave without a trace. Bella loved and sees the Cullens as her family by this point. People who finally understand her after all these years of feeling out of place. Alice is literally her best friend and they’re as close as sisters. So imagine your family, soulmate, and best friend just leaving out of your life and think you won’t be depressed.

[duck-era-lexi]

conclusive review of Manacled.

so, i finished it.

first, some backstory on my reading processes:

i’ll start by mentioning that i tried to read this at the beginning of the school year. i heard of it before the summer but i refused to read it because i was afraid of how dark it would be. so i wanted to wait until i was back in school because i don’t really get long term fear affects when i’m in school. 

i tried to read it, and i got burnt out super quickly. the first four ish chapters were intriguing and interesting but they got so incredibly depressing and dreary. i don’t remember much of 11-14 because at that point i was really bored and just done with it all. i tried to find a summary but i didn’t search too hard; i just wasn’t too interested in a nearly 400k word fic that i wasn’t interested in.

so flash-forward to now, and i picked it up again while i was reading sge which is another fantasy series. and i was thinking about reading manacled. and the thing is, the writing style is what drew me in at first. i made a checklist of chapters so i could stop anytime, so you know that i obviously was not going to follow along with that checklist and instead i was going to read ahead because i am obsessed with completing things. i started reading around 7:30 and went to bed at around half past midnight; i think i was at chapter 35? and then i finished the rest of the story today. literally read for like... 7 hours in the morning? i decided to take a break around 4 pm because i had plans and i wouldn’t have been able to finish the story in time. i’m so so glad i stopped at 71 because if i didn’t stop, i would’ve been at like 76 at the time i had to go and that would’ve been so stressful. plus, the ending tore me apart. yeah. i liked it.

literally it was so tragically beautiful. i know, i know they got their happy ending but what stays with me as a reader is all those 74 other chapters of unfiltered, overwhelming suffering. the flashbacks were my favorite part and they went by very quickly; though that makes sense because i enjoy the falling/pining process more than the actual relationship. i didn’t cry at it like everyone else said; the only part where i actually felt like i was going to cry was when kingsley and hermione were talking- like that shit was painful. 

everything else is painful too, but tbh i feel like it comes from me just finishing a book that i really liked because i always feel sad to leave the world behind. (dadt is different because that one had an overexpended ending). i’ll rb this with my opinions tomorrow because i JUST finished the story so the feelings are a bit, yk. raw. mainly i just feel grief. and sorrow. i got so attached to those characters, omg. it’s absolutely so well done and there are moments that i can sincerely describe as “gut-wrenching.” draco’s arm being cut off and the hogwarts rescue are some of the moments that stand out the most in my mind. the only kind of criticism i have is that the ending was abrupt. but that’s not even a real criticism because i like that the reader’s pov, like the characters, is jarring. the ending just doesn’t seem to focus that much on draco and hermione’s mental states and daily lives after their escape, but senlinyu has a lot of asks that expand on this notion and they were really helpful.

speaking about the content itself (analysis)

here’s what i’ve concluded: they’re insanely codependent, but considering what they’ve been through it’s actually pretty positive. they live away from real society but that is what’s best for them because they would both destroy the entire world to find each other, and it’s really not healthy for either of them to be integrated back into actual society. they survived the war, but not in a healthy way that they could return back to their normal lives in the slightest. they’re happy, content and safe in the island which is a lot more than they could’ve imagined, seeing the horrors that they’ve both witnessed and assisted to. 

they both love aurore very much, but it truly each other whereas lies their true comfort. losing aurore could not compare to losing each other (notice how hermione does not dote on her daughter as much as lots of other pregnancy fics do)- not to say she doesn’t care about aurore, but draco’s literally the other piece of her soul. like ptsd but it manifests in intense codependency. 

more about the romance in the flashbacks: 

i think they’ve also realized about each other (or maybe they’re just lucky) that their personalities, or at least their personalities in the presence of each other are extremely compatible. <<< this might be confusing but what i’m trying point out is how in all their fight for each other, they never clearly thought to consider if their personalities, only seen through wartimes, were compatible in a domestic, long-term setting- because they didn’t expect to ever see that setting. well, i just like to think that they did, in the hotel rooms and all the deep talks and joking around, they both realized how compatible on a basic level they are, both in personality and just like, the way they function, how they see the world. and that, along with the deep emotional understanding and connection, and the countless nobel sacrifices they’d done for each other, is why they fought so hard for each other. i think, at its core, it’s a lot of hermione being selfless and draco needing so desparately to be loved (rune healing). but then it shifts into hermione’s independence and perseverance paralleling a draco’s memories of a former situation with his mother. 

basically: 

draco - possessive, we know it. i cannot with the parallels to his mother but it’s more the parallels to not being able to save someone who would give so much up for him. 

hermione - idk if this is ever said directly but i swear it mentioned something about him not trying to use her, whereas everyone in the order was? anyways i think hermione is just so interesting because her point of view is clearly skewed in some places because she is so insistent on her leaning towards one opinion, one side. she doesn’t much consider compromising and she is very negative about her pursuits. but i digress. 

both of them it’s very clearly outlined that they were in desperate need of someone to talk to. and you can feel it so painfully in the writing of hermione’s pov- she’s keeping so much bottled inside and she feels as if she has no where to go. and obviously draco is in the fucking dark lord’s army it’s not a surprise he doesn’t have like weekly therapy sessions. she’s warmth, she’s a healer and her job is to unravel and rewind. and he’s got a lot to unravel. but besides that, on a deeper level- it says, they are the same? passionate, fiery, realistic. 

idk, i just think a lot happened during those hotel scenes. a lot happened, just in general. we had 380k words but i feel like we missed a bunch of attachment development. i always feel like that though. i just think it’s silly when a couple talks once and in the third act they’re tearing the world apart to find each other. 

but it makes sense for draco, whose entire thing is being possessive (iterated many, many times) and powerful. he became a spy out of (atonement?) for his mother, and along the way he simply found another person to attach to. 

(i’m just analysing draco pov more because i believe he was more of the catalyst/had more influence for their falling into love) 

______

i definitely want to re-read it again in the future; reading from chronological order just to see what is better. i’m currently trying to observe my reading habits because my brain is rly stupid a lot of the time and if something won’t work for me it just won’t work. but as it goes i guess next year i’ll re-read it again, lol. for now i’m gonna watch some comfort vids and take off my makeup. and then probably i will read all of senlinyu’s other fics. 

<3 

[thunderheadfred]

🦅Hawks HC’s🦅

This is SO unnecessarily long. Some NSFW. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

General

Has zero social life or hobbies outside of work. He knows it’s unhealthy, but like, who has the time?? Oh? Lots of people do?? Haha what are healthy work/home boundaries? He desperately wants to retire and always talks about a world without heroes, but the truth is he would have no idea what to do with himself if he got his way. Take him to a park at midnight and watch him turn into a giant repressed child on a swing. He’ll do a standing-360 and it will be terrifying.

Listens to music way too loud in his headphones to drown out wind noise. Probably half deaf at this point. His musical taste is wild; listening history all over the fucking place. Algorithms have no idea what to do with him.

That visor? It’s prescription. Wow is he far-sighted. He wears glasses. He’s not blind without them (rather the opposite) but they help him see things directly in front of him without massive eye strain. Yeah, he looks really hot in glasses.

Prefers communicating via text. Sometimes it’s a lot of dumb memes, but mostly it’s sincere. He can say what he means when he doesn’t have to put on a public front.

Smokes like a chimney. Self medicates with stimulants. Coffee, tobacco, sugar. Fidgety, likes things in his mouth or hands. Gnashes on toothpicks and popsicle sticks. He really should go back to therapy, huh? His teeth are sparkling white for the cameras but his breath could use some work. Chews gum a lot to compensate, and always does it really loudly with a big shit-eating grin.

Impatient as fuuuuuck. Rude about it. If you take too long doing anything, you’re going to hear a foot tapping. He’ll smile and laugh it off, never ever directly criticize you about it. But lord, the dramatic sighs. He WILL nudge you out of the way and take over in order to finish a task faster, and it’s truly fucking annoying.

LOVES food. Has the metabolism of an actual bird. Will seize upon any excuse to eat. No need to be self-conscious about eating in front of him; he wants you to enjoy it. Steals bites from you and talks with his mouth full. Prefers street food and take-out, usually eats while walking or flying. Sit-down restaurants are an invitation for gawkers.

He’s one of those celebrities that looks way taller on TV. In real life, he’s small and compact. So you’re surprised the first time you see him in person. He has a big head. Literally.

If you’re taller or bigger than him, he does Not Care. He treats everyone like they’re four feet tall, even Endeavor. Everything you do is cute. If you’re actually short, he’s going to carry you around all the time, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Collects big chunky overpriced watches. All the better to tell you you’re late.

Half his clothes are brand fucking new. Sometimes he forgets to take off the tags. (Don’t look at the prices, do NOT) He never seems to wear the same thing twice. He also never seems to go shopping. Brands just give him stuff, and he shrugs and goes “yeah okay.”

The other half of his clothes are old, faded, and patched up. Every item he acquires for himself has deep sentimental value. If you tell him to throw away that nasty ten-year-old pair of frayed cargo pants, be prepared to find out how wrong and evil you are for even suggesting it.

He doesn’t snore; he coos. Loudly. Like a fucking pigeon trapped in a megaphone.

- - - - -

Dating

Gift-giving is his love language. Bringing your favorite snacks. Leaving novelty magnets on your fridge. He found a copy of that book/game/movie you mentioned like a month ago, don’t you remember? If he has to go out of town on a job, he’ll bring back the ugliest possible souvenir, just to annoy you.

He likes gifting jewelry especially. Covering you in shiny baubles, little golden things. Not expensive, but unusual. Antiques or handmade, even bizarre vending machine crap. Gets really handsy if you wear or show off his gifts.

Since you’re the first person who has given him The Feels, if you are resistant to his advances (like, say, because he’s way too famous and you’re terrified he’s gonna break your heart) he’s going to go fucking nuts trying to woo you. Doesn’t have a single patient bone in his body but will wait as long as it takes for you to come around. He’ll act like he’s cool with just being friends at first, just hanging out, haha. Oh you’re busy today? That’s cool. Inside he’s shrieking like a tea kettle. Go ahead, make him wait.

Don’t bother giving him a key to your place. He’s coming in through the bedroom window or patio door. Just put out a damn welcome mat on your balcony... or a bird feeder.

A bit of a voyeur. He likes to watch you do your normal routine without interruption. He can see from miles away so if you’ve got your lights on at night, he’ll creep for a while before he comes in. It comforts him immensely, seeing a little slice of the world that isn’t constantly in need of saving.

Is super talkative and funny but a terrible communicator. Makes more jokes the worse he feels. Will almost never tell you what he needs. Most of the time, he doesn’t even know. You will learn to read between the lines and gradually notice his tiny unconscious cries for help. Back rubs make him emotional.

He shows up at your place at the weirdest times. All hours. You’re never ready. At first it was infuriating, because you wanted to look your best and have time to prepare, but you figure out pretty quickly that seeing you in your natural state is his favorite thing. He never gets to be around normal people, doing normal things. A boring, lazy afternoon is his idea of paradise.

He’ll pick through your things and ask a world of invasive questions. A medicine cabinet raider. He wants to know every fucking tiny thing about you, live vicariously through you.

He actually lives in a top floor penthouse. Because I mean, where else? Never spends any time there; mostly he seems to roost on the balcony. He has used the front door maybe once. He much prefers your place, and will only take you back to his after months of dating. It’ll take like, an entire emergency. You’ll end up in his bed by mistake.

Because when you finally come over, he’s embarrassed. Its sparse. White. Things in boxes. A new furniture smell. Like he’s not done moving in, though he’s lived there for years. He wants you to move in So Bad but doesn’t want to be pushy. If you don’t start leaving your stuff there, he’ll steal things from your apartment. Where the hell is your favorite t-shirt? Or that pillowcase you like? Dammit Keigo.

He’s a decent cook, a habit he made himself pick up because he thought it might make him feel more normal. It... didn’t. He never actually cooks until you give him an excuse. He’ll bring you breakfast in bed and watch you eat every bite with big hungry eyes.

He’s got a separate wardrobe for his hero costume and all his feathers. Yeah. His feathers. Because he can detach and control his feathers at will, when he’s alone at home he kind of just... shucks off his wings. The first time you see him do it, your eyes fall out of your head. He walks around in a tee shirt and boxers with these ugly little stumps covered in brownish, blood-red down. It actually looks kind of gnarly, like he got mauled by a bear.

He’s never dated until you. No one has ever been in his apartment until you. No one has called him Keigo until you. He has some bigass intimacy issues. Because. Y’know. The trauma. But god, he wants you in his life so bad, even if he has no idea how to make time for your relationship.

He’ll want to keep you to himself for a while. Once you go public he’s going to have an arm around your shoulders at all times. Publicly Displays his Affection way more than is socially acceptable in Japan, and gives precisely -100,000 fucks.

His fans either love you or hate you. There is no in between. He will immediately take your phone and threaten to drop it from a great height if he catches you reading shitty gossip about the two of you. Does NOT care about his public image anymore, doesn’t want YOU to care about it either. He’s gonna retire soon anyway, remember? That’s a lie.

Being a charming motherfucker is the core of his public persona, so you will get jealous. A lot. He will flirt shamelessly without realizing it. He will get photographed in compromising positions with gorgeous people.

Once you accept that he’s basically an actor 80% of the time and that Hawks and Keigo are separate identities, you’ll both feel better. When he comes home (to YOU) and falls over exhausted and stops being Hawks(tm), when he scratches his ass or burps in front of you, when he yells to you from the bathroom, when he groans childishly about his shitty day while laying face-down in your lap, you’ll know you have nothing to worry about. Keigo is all yours.

Boundaries? Never heard of ‘em. He’s either a million lightyears away or he’s glued to your hip. The whiplash is astounding.

Absolutely says “I love you” wayyyyyy to soon. It thrills you but scares you off at the same time, because there’s no way Hawks - The Hawks - can actually mean it, right? (He does)

Rings? Nah. When things get serious, he will make a necklace out of a feather for you, and if you ever take it off, you better be asleep or in the shower. Even then you’re on thin fuckin ice. If you’re not wearing it he knows. He’s never mean about making you put it back on, it just makes him nervous if he can’t feel your heartbeat.

- - - - -

SPICY CHICKEN NUGGETS

High sex drive. Horny like 25/7. Probably a symptom of having way too much pent up stress.

Often takes care of it himself when he doesn’t have the emotional resources for anyone else, even his S.O. Figures you don’t want him coming on to you as often as he would like to, but he’s too stupid to talk to you about it first. Morning masturbator.

Yes he’s fucked around a lot but he’s not exactly a playboy either. People have always thrown themselves at him, and before he met you he let them do it. Especially when out of town and staying in a hotel. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, etc.

He’d never be unfaithful to you though; his loyalty and dedication are frankly a little unsettling. Sometimes you feel like the only thing in his life other than hero work. Teach this man to knit. Make him join a book club. Christ. Anything.

Does in fact have seasonal mating patterns and it’s super embarrassing.

An underwear-sniffing perv. He’ll definitely hump your pillow.

Gets a sick thrill out of breaking in and startling you. Coming up behind you in the dark, sneaking into your bed. It’s probably his worst habit, and even he hates that he does it. If you get better at detecting him he’ll be so proud. Land a slap on him and he’ll be a horny mess.

Dog-whistles at you. Often from rooftops, and you have no idea where he is but you know he’s leering.

He will call you a lot of really stupid pet names. He likes the way you blush when he finds a newer, stupider one. Calls you angel when he’s really far gone.

Likes to scratch you with his stubble until your skin turns raw and sensitive. If it annoys you or hurts a little? Even better. Making you squirm is his new favorite thing. Especially when going down on you. Your inner thighs are always exfoliated.

His cock is average in every respect. This is not a bad thing. He knows how to please you with every totally normal inch of that cock. He has some kind of homing beacon installed on your sensitive spots.

Goes absolutely insane for blowjobs. Any time, any place.

Likes to bend you around in all kinds of positions with an assist from his feathers to hold up an ankle here, an arm there. Get used to floating mid-coitus. It just seems to happen.

Spanky.

His number one priority is making you feel adored and at home in his bed. Ohhhhh he likes to make you smile. But if you encourage him to get pushy and dominant with you, you will have a good, good time.

He’s switchy, and will lose his shit if you initiate or take control. Again, he’s always horny for you, because he can finally let go. Breathe in his direction and he’s hard.

Doesn’t moan much, but Babe, he’s a dirty talker. He’s not smooth or deliberate about it, it’s more like he can’t fucking believe you let him do whatever he wants to you. You like that huh? Like he’s in stages of shock. He’s singing your praises to high Heaven and muttering oh shit oh shit oh shittttttt and laugh-crying as he cums. He never talks about his feelings; he fucks about them.

After. Care. King. He loves pampering and clucking over you anyway, this is simply another excuse to do it. He knows exactly how much water you drink in a day. Can’t take care of himself for shit, but you? You’ll never have a need he won’t try to fill. What’s all that hero work for if not this? Yeah, soak it up. You deserve it.

[blockgamepirate]

Technoblade’s purpose in the political narrative of the Dream SMP

I can’t sleep so I decided to finally write the post I’ve been struggling with for literal months, except way more casual because I can’t be bothered anymore and also I’m sleep deprived.

So the thing is: to me the DSMP storyline has always been primarily political, probably because I was introduced to it through Wilbur who was definitely going for political, and also because I’m just generally interested in political narratives right now. Obviously I appreciate the character work and the personal relationship stuff, that’s what makes it more interesting than just dry allegory, but when it comes down to it, this story is about politics to me. So that’s the angle I’m going to approach it from.

Also not to spoil the conclusions here, but I’m an anarchist, that’s my lens.

(Obviously all of this is about rp from here on out unless otherwise specified)

Basically the situation as Techno joins the server is this: L'Manburg exists as an autonomous nation and is de facto independent although not officially recognised by the Dream SMP. The self-appointed president Wilbur Soot decides to hold an election and rig it in order to consolidate his power over the nation he founded and he gets his VP Tommyinnit to join in on the plan. Their scheme fails and they end up voted out instead. The new president, Schlatt, immediately establishes himself as an authoritarian figure and exiles Wilbur and Tommy.

A couple of points on what the election arc demonstrates:

1: the appearance of democracy can be used for distinctly undemocratic purposes.

2: even if the elections aren’t rigged, the electoral system could be massively flawed and end up favouring a party that in fact didn’t have the popular vote

3: even if the winning government (the coalition in this case) has the majority vote, that doesn’t guarantee that they’ll actually act according to the popular will.

4: the supporters of the losing parties basically just have to let the majority overrule their wishes, espcially since apparently L’Manburg doesn’t have an established role for an opposition, yikes. That’s actually a MAJOR oversight in the system but I’m not gonna go into that too much.

5: frankly as an anarchist I am just deeply cynical towards representative democracy, and just because you have a token appearance of choice and consent doesn’t mean that it isn’t a hierarchical and authoritarian system. And to be fair, from my point of view this applies even to so-called liberal democracies and progressive parties. Full disclosure: even if L'Manburg was the ideal example of a representative democracy (which it very much isn’t) I would still be opposed to it because I fundamentally do not believe in top down systems, even electoral ones.

6: despite all these flaws, all the characters seem to implicitly accept the electoral system as legitimate. There’s criticism against the actions of individual characters acting within the system, such as Quackity calling out Wilbur for trying to rig the election, but nobody is questioning the system itself.

So at this point I’m sitting there, watching all this go down, and thinking “man, this would be so much more bearable if there was an anarchist point of view being represented in the story.”

And hey, look who IMMEDIATELY SHOWS UP.

Okay, I’m not gonna lie, early installation Technoblade is not the best representation of anarchism. I was mostly rooting for him out of sheer contrarianism initially. I didn’t really even care if it would be another Killmonger/Magneto/Zaheer situation because I’m used to reading against the authorial intent when it comes to these things. Sometimes any representation is better than no representation, even with political ideologies. That’s not to say that him just straight up spouting this hobbesian notion of a “dog-eat-dog world” didn’t grate on me, obviously it did.

That kind of worldview of humanity needing authority in order to prevent chaos and conflict is literally antithetical to anarchism and is the favourite talking point of authoritarians, the least anarchist people there are. It’s literally what people use to argue AGAINST anarchism. I think it’s mostly because cc!Techno obviously wasn’t particularly educated on anarchist thought and was just basically having fun roleplaying with his friends at this point. Which is frustrating but fair enough I guess.

Cynical ideas about human nature are pretty deeply rooted in the mainstream, unfortunately, most people just consider it common sense. And like I said, it’s a huge talking point in the propaganda against anarchism.

(… even though in fact these arguments were originally used against proponents of representative democracy. Hobbes himself was very much a monarchist, the idea of letting normal people vote for their representatives would have been terrifying to him. Like surely the world would descent into a free-for-all war, all against all. Imagine letting commoners have OPINIONS, the horror.)

So yeah, that stuff was pretty ehhhhh. It was basically what I’d expected though: cc!Techno isn’t an anarchist and we just don’t get accurate representation from non-anarchists, ever. What I dared to hope was that Techno’s character would at least stay consistent about his opposition to ALL governments. I was pretty sure that he would, even though it seemed like the majority of the fandom at the time was convinced that he would switch over to Schlatt’s side or something. It would have been a really shitty twist, I would have ragequit immediately. I mean what would have been the entire point of his character then? He might as well have been a random mercenary. Why even have his character be an anarchist if you were just going to make him work for a government?

(ftr this is kinda my biggest problem with the Hypixel Skyblock revolution event lol, honestly I think that was a worse depiction of anarchism than early DSMP Technoblade. I mean the speech was good, but… still became a government official, tho. booooooooo, cringe)

And yes, I was rooting against L'Manburg, obviously, and I would have even if it had meant having to deal with another badly written anarchist villain character. I never understood why people saw L'Manburg as the good guys, they were nationalist and exclusionary and their whole existence was based on trying to scam people for money.

I mean they were definitely funny, they were great entertainers. I have no problems with people rooting for them because they’re fun to watch; I did that for a bit too. But people were starting to get really into the story and talk about Wilbur and Tommy, the corrupt politicians, and the country that literally excluded people based on nationality as the heroes, unironically, which was wild to me. And when Wilbur started his “villain arc” well: people called it a villain arc, as if he hadn’t been pretty much a bad guy from the beginning, constantly just out for money and power and taking advantage of the people around him and then pretending to be the victim when challenged. I mean yes he got worse, but I wouldn’t call it a villain arc, more like just a mental breakdown arc.

More importantly, to me L'Manburg represented so many things I hate about the status quo in real life, and seeing the fandom mostly unquestioningly accept it as good just pissed me off. Still pisses me off tbh. I mean, to be diplomatic I could say that I understand the emotional attachment and the way L'Manburg was built up mirrors a lot of how real nations are built and how they create a sense of patriotism out of symbols and a sense of honour and loyalty, and it’s actually really fascinating how it even works in a Minecraft roleplay. Says something about the human mind I guess. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.

Anyway, I just wanted to see literally any kind of opposition to power, even if it had to come from a character that was unquestionably a villain, which I fully assumed Techno would be. Because political narratives so often just leave us out, or at best barely mention us. And even from a narrative point of view, adding an anarchist perspective to a political story just objectively broadens its scope and actually challenges people who are used to only arguing along the lines of conservative or liberal, welfare state or privatization, nationalism or multiculturalism, etc. Even if the original work dealt with it poorly, at least it would give me the excuse to rant about it on Tumblr, which is kinda why I revived my old Minecraft sideblog for this. (That and pig!Techno fanart.)

Also how can you have a story so fundamentally about power without its counterpoint: the rejection of power?

(Yes, Dream SMP as a whole is definitely a narrative about power, it’s a huge theme for Wilbur, Quackity, Dream, Eret and the Badlanders at least, as well as obviously the anarchist characters from the opposite direction.)

So yeah, the build up to November 16th for me was mainly about the anticipation for what Techno would do, how would Techno’s character respond to the seemingly inevitable formation of a new government. THAT was the point of interest for me, that was what I was the most invested in. Would we get an actual anarchist opposition as a new side to the conflict or would they just awkwardly drop that whole angle? Or even have him team up with Schlatt like a complete sellout? There was so much potential but I worried they might just waste it.

And I was right to worry since apparently in the original script Techno wasn’t supposed to do anything, he was just there to help fight Schlatt and witness the explosion along with everyone else.

And WOW that would have been so incredibly boring

Not even just from the political perspective, just talking about the narrative in general terms here: imagine November 16th without Techno’s plot points. Not only would it have been boring for Techno’s character but it would have been equally boring for basically everybody but Wilbur and Philza. An anticlimactic fight followed by a big explosion that pretty much everybody had seen coming already. Yes, the button room scene is dramatic and heartbreaking… for Wilbur and Phil. But nobody else was there to see it. For everybody else, it was just a big explosion. It would have been such a huge disservice to anyone watching the other POVs.

Techno’s intervention gave everyone an ACTUAL climactic fight, it allowed characters other than Wil and Phil to witness some actual drama happening and to participate in it, rather than just waiting around for the explosion, while also foreshadowing the explosion. Even better, it provoked SO MUCH discussion in the fandom AND gave a perfect hook for future conflicts to arise. Wilbur’s end was tragic but it was, at the time, final. L'Manburg would have still suffered a catastrophe but it would have been left with just the same exact antagonist as before: Dream.

And at this point Dream’s core goals had barely changed, just his approach was now different. Yes, that makes a difference for the plot, but it doesn’t really change much in terms of ideological conflict. Especially since there really isn’t that big of an ideological difference between Dream and Tommy, because arguably neither of them are particularly big on ideology in the first place, they just have conflicting goals and use different tactics to achieve those goals (well, the tactics aren’t always even that different *cough Spirit cough*).

Techno’s conflict with Tubbo and especially Quackity (and honestly most of the other characters in general) brings in so much more depth to the story, just by introducing another angle, not to even mention how much it brings to focus questions about power and violence. These are themes that exist in other characters’s storylines too but nowhere in the same way or as central as with Techno.

I’m getting kind of ahead of myself here, though.

The real twist of November 16th was the fact that Techno WASN’T a straight up villain, actually. It was a twist to me anyway, because with all my cynicism I just didn’t see it coming, I didn’t expect him to actually start making reasonable criticisms. I didn’t expect him to drop the hobbesian arguments entirely and start making points that actually sounded like anarchism.

I have to assume that cc!Techno must have seen some of the criticisms of his character and been inspired to adjust because the difference is pretty notable.

(Sidenote: I’m just forever kinda sad that Techno’s “I may seem like the villain here” monologue was cut from the video and most people never heard it.)

And I felt SO validated by the way, because it works so well in the story! Everyone is mostly content with the restoration of a status quo of some sort, Schlatt is gone, this is supposed to be the good ending, and then Techno calls them all out and turns the narrative around completely: This was just a coup d'état. This was just the previous political leadership retaking power by force. Why is everyone celebrating the same exact system that lead to Schlatt’s authoritarian rule in the first place?

What he does there is force the audience to question the narrative they’ve been presented so far, that they’ve accepted without a thought. It might not convince them, but they can’t just ignore it either.

Whatever you wanna say about the discourse around Techno on that day, in the ideological narrative THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART. Not who betrayed who or when is political violence justified, that’s about personal relationships and morality and it’s mostly all more relevant to the aftermath than the event itself. In my opinion, the REAL point in the moment is that the characters and the audience were comfortable with the ending only to be presented with a completely new perspective on the events.

It also recontextualises the finale, including Wilbur’s actions! It’s a much more ambiguous end to the Pogtopia vs Manburg arc and to Wilbur’s original run as the head writer. Wilbur’s “even with Tubbo in charge I don’t think [that ‘special place’] can exist again” is vague enough to be dismissed as just part of his paranoia and internal conflict, but with Techno, there’s a concrete question: what if Tubbo, given the same powers as Schlatt, will turn out to be just a new Schlatt? And suddenly you have to wonder what Wilbur meant by his words too. And was all this foreshadowing something about L’Manburg’s future?

Okay I’ve only made it to November 16th and there’s so much more DSMP to talk about but the post is getting too long and I’m starting to lose my energy. Will I ever make a part two? No idea. But I’ll try.

Standard disclaimer: I’m not the spokesperson of anarchism, other anarchists might disagree with my reading

[bigskydreaming]

I am looking (disrespectfully) at the trope of Bruce and other family members only seeming to respect Dick’s wishes when doing so aligns with what they already wanted to do.

Let’s go to the examples!

1) Bruce not broaching adoption with Dick because he wants to respect Dick’s first parents and feels like he would be taking their place or overstepping or putting himself in between Dick and his memories of his parents. Sometimes its cited that Dick himself expressed this wish early on after his parents died, sometimes its not and this is still just upheld as Bruce’s reasoning for not adopting Dick before he was already well into adulthood.

THE FATAL FLAW (in mine own personal opinion, natch. Personal mileage may vary, check your speedometer to be safe):

This particular plot point or tangle is in my experience ALWAYS paired with Bruce’s own insecurities about his role in Dick’s life, or not wanting to push that or receive an answer he doesn’t want to or is afraid to hear. Sometimes its about his fears of unworthiness to be Dick’s actual parent, etc, etc. But the bottom line is, there is always the presence of SOME element (and not a small one) in which Bruce’s own self-interest or feelings are protected by him NOT broaching the adoption conversation with Dick and having to confront these fears head on.

This is additionally juxtaposed with the problem that although there’s a lot of variance in regards to stories where Bruce fired Dick versus stories where Dick gave up being Robin and moved on to Nightwing voluntarily....there’s NOT a lot of stories where Dick makes Jason Robin himself or is asked by Bruce first. The part where Bruce takes this initiative on his own, without thinking through its repercussions on Dick emotionally.....this is practically always present.

Now, the problem here is that......Dick became or began becoming Robin well into his time with Bruce. Its frequently cited as the thing that began allowing them to truly connect, their time training and acting as Batman and Robin.

Meaning no matter WHAT interpretation you go with as to why specifically Dick chose the name Robin, whether it was a family nickname or an homage to Robin Hood.....the fact remains, NOTHING of Robin, THEMATICALLY, nothing that spoke to Dick in regards to what he wanted Robin to be - specifically in honor of his parents because avenging his parents and making sure what happened to them didn’t happen to others like, this was literally a key part of what bonded Dick and Bruce, the fact that Bruce was TRYING to help Dick specifically BECAUSE they shared this particular overlap of purpose - like the bottom line is, nothing about Robin CAME from Bruce. Or Dick’s feelings about Bruce. That....didn’t really even exist yet, at the time he created Robin. Everything about Robin, other than the physical costume itself, not even the design just the actual creation of it....all of that came from BEFORE he met Bruce. None of it was thoughts or feelings derived from BRUCE. Its the whole reason Dick was never Batkid or Batlad, or any derivative of Batman.

It all, ALL came from what Dick came to the manor WITH. Remnants of his life with his first family.

So the fatal flaw of Bruce’s reasoning that by not broaching the subject of adoption with Dick before well into adulthood, he was actually just respecting Dick’s relationship with his first parents and not trying to come between them and Dick’s memories and feelings about them....

All of this is inherently undermined by Bruce’s own actions.....when by repurposing Robin to ANY degree, even just to give the mantle to Jason.....this meant that he was inherently viewing Robin as being more about being Batman’s partner, HIS partner....then it was about being Dick’s heritage, his last intangible keepsake of his first family and life BEFORE Bruce.

In effect....Bruce making Jason Robin or firing Dick as Robin, either way....both betray Bruce’s OWN alleged intentions for only wanting to respect Dick’s relationship with his parents, and that being why he didn’t want to overstep by trying to impose or even ask for his own official parent/child relationship with Dick. Because that’s exactly what appropriating the Robin mantle was. It was Bruce ignoring the relationship Dick had with his parents and their memory and the fact that Robin was directly born of that....and making Robin entirely about Bruce’s OWN relationship with Dick, heedless of any other factors.

And the second Bruce did that.....his entire justification for not raising the adoption issue....disappears. It goes away. Because you can’t claim inaction being just a result of not wanting to disrespect something you’ve already voided respect for. No matter whether Bruce INTENDED it or not.....by crossing this boundary, Bruce already acted against Dick’s feelings in this regard and well, disregarded them....which makes claims of Bruce not raising the adoption issue pretty much JUST self-serving at that point. Its an alleged viewpoint of Dick’s that Bruce largely just ASSUMES....and only ultimately respects - in direct contrast to how he didn’t respect the associations Dick had with Robin - because it aligns with something Bruce ALREADY wanted to do, rather than what Dick actually wanted. It provided justification for Bruce to just....not have a conversation he was afraid to have. And that’s about Bruce at that point. Its not about Dick. Its just like...not.

2) Another example of this that is not unique to just Bruce, but recurs frequently in both canon and fanfics in Dick’s dynamics with other characters he’s close with.....is characters not apologizing for things they’ve done to Dick or raising the issue of things they did a long time ago but never apologized for....while claiming to do so because they thought DICK didn’t want to talk about it.

THE FATAL FLAW (in my own personal opinion. Nuances and variations may not be identical at all store locations, please see your local branch for details):

The particular problem I have here is that....Dick never ever ever in the history of ever and also the before ever time.....has EVER expressed a desire to avoid confrontation.

Like. That’s what he DOES. That’s his JAM. That’s literally CITED time and time again as one of the reasons he’s viewed as more of a people person and natural team leader than Bruce and other Batfam members....because he’s not afraid to cut straight (or bi) to the heart of the matter and air out a dispute.

In fact, this very character trait is one of the ones most commonly utilized AGAINST Dick in various depictions of him, as he’s often cited as TOO confrontational, TOO eager for a fight or conflict especially when his temper is engaged, such as when he’s well....personally hurt or offended.

So how does it follow, then, that avoiding tough conversations ONLY when its on the OTHER person to INITIATE, because they were the ones who DID the wrong-doing and Dick the subject of that rather than the instigator....how does it work, exactly, that these are the only times in which we DON’T tend to see a direct conversation about the harms done and the fallout that resulted? With it being claimed that this is solely for Dick’s benefit, out of a desire to avoid pulling him into an allegedly unnecessary (but really just unpleasant) confrontation?

When the concurrent reality is that whether stated or acknowledged or not.....avoiding these specific conversations and ONLY these conversations (as there never seems to be a problem finding canon or fanfic stories in which Dick apologizes for harm HE’S caused to others or is clearly expected to).....this avoidance also carries the side benefit of allowing the character who DID something wrong to Dick to....not ever have to have that super uncomfortable conversation in which they actually verbally acknowledge the thing they did to him and the effects it had on him, and apologize for that.....and then render themselves vulnerable to actually hearing whether or not he accepts their apology or is still upset with them regardless.

While - as long as they DON’T ever have this conversation, for whatever reason - they can look to the clear and consistent precedent of Dick continuing to work with people who have done things like oh, I don’t know....punched him in the face cuz they’re mad at him (and this isn’t a Bruce critical point, this is a whole damn family critical point as the only one who HASN’T actually done this is Duke. Well, Cass technically just threw him out a window, but I mean, tomato toh-mah-to). Writers and characters both can lean on the fact that actually Dick has a pretty clear track record of ultimately giving up a grudge or at least showing a willingness to look past those grudges enough that it doesn’t prevent him from still maintaining or resuming some kind of relationship with the person who hurt him.

And thus, like Example Numero Uno......this ultimately just lets other characters off the hook while claiming to do Dick a favor, but actually Dick receives no real benefit from it and instead now just has another instance of characters saying “see we respect your wishes” when ultimately their inaction is MORE in service to their own wishes and self-interests.

2b) See also the variation of this in which characters such as Bruce, Jason, Tim and assorted others like....are written specifically determining that they’re not going to apologize to Dick or beg his forgiveness because they feel they don’t DESERVE to be forgiven, and once again....its in HIS best interests that they not even give him the opportunity to say he forgives them....because they know Dick Grayson of course, and they know he’s too forgiving for his own good, so its better to like....not make it ever a possibility in this particular instance.

With the problem here being like.....Dick can’t and shouldn’t be expected to KNOW that’s their logic? So....all he’s going to actually SEE is loved ones just....not expressing remorse for hurting him or acknowledgment it even happened? Which....hurts?

So......hurting your loved one MORE after already hurting them....because you don’t feel you deserve to be forgiven for hurting them in the first place and are actually PROTECTING them from being hurt more when mistakenly forgiving you.....by.....hurting and continuing to hurt them with your silence and lack of evident remorse....

Mmmm.....

Its not the best approach, y’know?

Flaws are detected.

3) Dick’s friends and family manipulating situations in order to get the end result THEY desire, while claiming to do so for his benefit only. Dick being willing to manipulate people to achieve his own ends comes up a LOT actually....but there’s relatively little examination of how often people do this to him, claiming his best interests but really just circumventing his clearly stated desires for independence and the right to make his own choices about what HE needs....or when this is brought up, its usually limited to JUST Bruce doing it, but uh....no that ain’t it.

Specific examples of this are like when Wally joins the 1999 version of the Titans specifically to get Dick to join up, because in his estimation Dick needs more of a social life and is drowning himself with his responsibilities....and then quits not long after Dick is finally officially invested in staying with the team. Another example is when Roy gets Dick to join the Outsiders based entirely on his pitch of NOT treating the team like a family, like they did with the Titans, so that Dick could keep emotional distance and not be as worried about losing them like he suffered from losses like Donna....with his claim again being that he worried about Dick in the aftermath of that loss, etc.

And to be clear! Its not that I think Wally and Roy and others who do similar things have NEGATIVE intentions in mind for Dick. That’s the whole point of this post.....like the other examples, I fully believe THEY believe (or writers believe when writing them this way) that they have Dick’s best interests in mind and not their own. I just....disagree.

THE FATAL FLAW (at least as I see it here):

Is that I view this and Batfam members who do similar stuff as like.....falling into the trap of the savior friend complex. Its that thing when you see a friend hurting, and over time get FRUSTRATED by seeing this when a solution seems obvious to you but think they won’t take it because they’re too stubborn or don’t know what’s best for them....with this specifically recurring a LOT with Dick in particular, due to his core characterization of wanting to be the one to make his own choices. The problem here, same as the problem with the savior friend complex....is that it treats the subject of these views as like....incapable of determining what they need. Its a tacit condemnation that they actually don’t know how to cope with things and are doing it wrong - even though the ones making this assessment will never be the ones actually having to LIVE with the outcome of their meddling. Its the conviction that someone like Dick needs to be HANDLED, for his own good....because he can’t be trusted to KNOW what he needs, not as well as them at least.....and so they jump to manipulation rather than just....ASK him what he needs, or HOW they can best support him, or even just WHY he’s making the choices he is.

For instance, the problem with what Wally did was never that Dick wasn’t struggling. He was. He was drowning in his responsibilities, he had very little to no life outside of them.....Wally is not remotely in the wrong for WANTING to do something to change this situation. The problem is Wally basically defaulted to just...HANDLING his friend by restarting the Titans just to give Dick a social life again, which is pretty much a line straight out of the comics...and basically railroaded right over Dick’s initial ‘no’ when he first heard the proposal. And kept pushing things until Dick eventually joined up in order to get Wally to commit to the team too, because Wally spun it as though Dick was helping Wally by getting Wally to commit to the team for the very same reasons Wally wanted Dick to. And then....right after that, Wally quit to go back to just focusing on the Justice League, which was part of what Dick predicted would happen all along.

The thing was.....at no point along the way did Wally actually ask WHY Dick initially said no....he jumped straight to assuming his own view of the problem, that Dick just COULDN’T be made to ever see the reason to take a break occasionally and put his mental and emotional health as a priority. If he’d done this, Wally could have had dozens of other options to achieve his desired end result....he could’ve like....set up regular hangouts with Dick. 

But Wally jumped to assuming he knew the answer, he knew what was best for Dick, and that Dick’s logic was inherently self-destructive and self-flagellating.....and he felt the solution was to bring back the Titans, as he recalled their earlier times as Titans together as a time when Dick was better able to balance his social life and responsibilities.

But by not ever stopping to LISTEN to why Dick felt the way he did and was initially opposed to rejoining the Titans....Wally overlooked one crucial fact: He isn’t Dick.

And more important, his view of the past wasn’t Dick’s view of the past.

Wally was a lot more capable of viewing the Titans as not just a family, but an inherent social life, a hangout, a kind of club....because that’s what it had always been to him.

But he’d never been the leader.

Throughout all their childhoods, the whole time the Titans WERE all of the above, and relatively light-hearted in comparison to their older selves....Dick STILL had the weight of responsibilities that none of the others had by virtue of just...not being the leader. Ultimately, all of their lives were in HIS hands. He was the one calling the shots. The buck stopped with him.

And this is precisely WHY Dick had gotten to the point he had in adulthood. It wasn’t because he’d changed. It wasn’t because he’d stopped figuring out what he needed and how to take care of himself. Its because the position he’d ALWAYS been in as leader....has WEIGHT. That eventually added up more and more and weighed him down. A huge part of the reason Dick had ended up leaving the Titans in the first place, before they disbanded prior to the 1999 revival....is because of the sheer WEIGHT of all the deaths and misfortunes that had befallen the Titans....and how much he and he alone struggled with it in ways the others didn’t....because they didn’t have to. It hadn’t been their plans, their calls, their RESPONSIBILITY to find a way the others could have all made it out alive or at least less traumatized.

So.....of COURSE Dick said no when Wally first proposed restarting the Titans, before Wally defaulted to using his own membership as a lure to get Dick to agree.....because......nothing about the above paragraph had changed, via Wally’s ‘plan.’ It wasn’t because Dick just didn’t KNOW how to be a fully rounded person....it was because nobody was helping him find actual OPTIONS for doing that....that didn’t just double as MORE responsibilities! Because that’s exactly what ended up happening! Dick wound up the leader of the Titans again, just as responsible and just as invested as always.....just like he always knew he would....and also as he knew would happen...Wally ended up quitting not long into it and persuading Jessie Quick to step in as his replacement....aka just one more person for Dick to worry about when it wasn’t like he was going to be worrying any less about Wally, just now he wasn’t going to have Wally there to even POTENTIALLY be able to support him when tragedy inevitably struck because they’re freaking superheroes....and instead he’d just have another person looking to him for the answers but with no reason or chance of being the support Dick could ACTUALLY use at times like that!

Wally’s manipulations circumvented Dick’s opinion that no, actually he knew what was best for him and it wasn’t what Wally was suggesting....without actually accounting for the fact that hey, Dick might actually know that. And in the end, Wally got the result he was after, he got to feel that he’d HELPED his friend....which again, this isn’t WRONG to WANT to....but Dick didn’t...exactly....benefit from this. It wasn’t actually in his best interests ultimately.

I mean...see Donna’s death for details.

And in the aftermath of THAT....Roy essentially did exactly what Wally did....just in REVERSE! Roy got Dick to agree to lead the Outsiders, to shoulder responsibility once again....by promising that Dick WOULDN’T have to view them as family. And did Dick go too far and end up TOO uncaring about their welfare? Yup! No disagreements there! Problem is though....he only ended UP in that situation because yet again a friend thought they KNEW the solution to what Dick needed.....only for Dick to end up essentially punished and further self-blaming....just for doing exactly what Roy had told him TO do, with this particular team. Again - Roy hadn’t EXPECTED Dick to take it this far. But that’s the whole point! Roy had expectations about what Dick would ACTUALLY end up doing, that didn’t match up to the pitch Roy actually gave Dick to GET his agreement.....because Roy all along was of the assumption that by virtue of being Dick Grayson, he wouldn’t be ABLE to avoid connecting with these new teammates and viewing them as family, and thus he’d end up ‘snapping out of it’ with it being the funk he’d been in since Donna’s death.

Roy’s intentions might have been noble, once again.....but his methods stuck to the same pattern of people around Dick believing they knew what he needed or knew who he was or knew what it meant to BE Dick Grayson....better than Dick actually did...particularly when Dick said no, this isn’t what I need or this isn’t a good idea or just...I don’t want to do this.

And in the end....its Dick who ended up paying the price for it, as well as the people who got hurt because of his INTENTIONAL emotional distance.....because the ‘view all surrounding people as new surrogate family’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience hadn’t kicked in as Roy thought inevitably would....but the ‘view all this as directly my fault and suffer guilt for it forevermore’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience most certainly did! Not at all actually helped along by the fact that like....Roy also expressed frustration with Dick that like.....Dick hadn’t actually responded to Roy’s intended manipulation of his emotions the way Roy had expected him to when he EXPRESSLY TOLD DICK TO BEHAVE THE WAY THAT DICK ULTIMATELY BEHAVED. (Just, he didn’t tell Dick to dial that all the way up to Extra, but given that’s the only setting Dick does ANYTHING at, I feel its a possible outcome Roy should have at least considered. I mean, wasn’t the whole point that you know Dick Grayson better than he knows himself?)

But lo, I am salty.

LMAO, but I mean, you get it right? Obviously, I LIKE Wally and Roy. I LIKE Jason, etc. I’m not saying all of this to be like ugh how dare these characters do all this to Dick....I’m saying it because like.....they all keep falling into the same patterns of making a big fuss and acknowledgment of how much Dick prioritizes being able and free to make his own choices and decide what’s best for him and what HE wants.....

But without ever like....actively asking him AT THE RELEVANT TIME....what he thinks and feels about all this. What he thinks and feels he needs. What he ACTUALLY wants from them, or why he’s ACTUALLY saying no to something and maybe it being for reasons that aren’t just him inherently being stubborn and self-destructive.

And instead just defaulting to falling back on whatever he might have said or expressed in an entirely different context at an entirely different time.....and saying okay, by doing so, we are abiding by his wishes and thus doing what he wants and respecting his right to make his own choices.....

But ONLY when doing all of the above just so happens to align with these other characters then getting to do the thing or take the approach they’re already predisposed towards wanting to take because of their OWN self-interests at the same time.

With this never actually coming into play when respecting Dick’s wishes aligns with them taking actions they DON’T personally want to undertake, because it makes them uncomfy or they think its a bad call, even if it is something that should be his call to make.

Like....the pattern. It very much exists. And abounds. Like I could cite examples allllllllllll the way up to Ric Grayson, where Bruce respected RIC’S wishes to be left alone and not interfere in his life no matter what.....in ways Bruce almost never respects Dick’s actual expressed wish for Bruce to butt out of matters when Bruce is actually quite keen on meddling and would very much like to....

But notice how the other thing about the Ric Grayson storyline is that Ric’s expressed desire to stay the fuck out of vigilantism and superhero work, like.....just so happens to align with Bruce’s longstanding desire for Dick to like...get out of the vigilantism and superhero work? With butting out of Ric’s life and respecting his privacy in ways Dick has to FIGHT him for, like......absolutely the optimal action to take in order to allow this expressed desire of Ric’s to flourish in the ways Bruce always wished would kick in for Dick?

.....just saying. 

The pattern. It abounds.

And the key to breaking any pattern, of course, is to first recognize....and acknowledge....that it exists.

Otherwise you tend to fall into the trap of repeating and perpetuating it over and over without even realizing it, simply because its what’s familiar.

This has been A Post by Me. Thank you and have a nice day. Or don’t. Idk. I’m not the boss of you. Whatever.

[daydreamrry]

so did the sun article mention her or not? i saw someone say whenever it’s a n article from his team it never mentions her, unlike from her team. //

I was the anon that wrote that and I didn’t notice it at the bottom lol but I’m also not convinced Harry’s team approved that part. Back to the SEO post another anon linked to… what if the Sun added that part in just to boost their own SEO ranking. Editors can change pieces so I bet the Sun added that in. PR doesn’t completely control what is written they just heavily persuade and guide the piece. (I work in PR)

Here’s a prime example what I meant tho. This is an example of something Harry’s team sent in:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.capitalfm.com/news/harry-styles-nick-kroll-dont-worry-darling-gifts/

Notice how it was posted in March of this year but no mention of Holivia just Olivia as director briefly? This publication posts super positively about Harry in general and has done a lot of articles detracting from Holivia. Everyone wants to hate on his team, but hear me out on this theory.

I think his team has been actually working really hard to keep Harry’s brand as disassociated from her as possible while the stunt continues. That’s part of all the winning of awards (not to say he didn’t earn them but a lot of awards are political, esp. Grammys) and why Liam and Ed keeping bringing him up, that’s why Lorde talked about him, and Joshua whoever Olivia Rodrigos ex, and why Jen Aniston wore the same suit as him for People, why Courtney Cox covered his song. Yes all these people get clout from his name but think about how many random people have been talking about him lately??? Why?? Image restoration. All of these people have done nothing but say amazing and positive things about him. PR people talk a lot and it’s not a stretch that they’d be involved somehow in all these random positive mentions. It’s their job to find these connections and positively promote their clients. Why do they care so much about his image?? HS3 baby!! Harry wants to be and his team wants to market him as one of the greats of his time (Grammys, high profile articles with RS and famous music journalists, placement on 500 best albums and 500 best songs?) More than anything Harry wants critical acclaim for his music. They do not want it cheapened by being tied to Olivia. The article today proved it to me. They laid out that he wrote it before her and they will continue to say that and steer album marketing as far from as they can strategically. Think about it. How much press has Olivia gotten not tied to Holivia and how much press has Harry gotten not tied to Holivia? Exactly!

Theory continued: I also think his team reads these blogs and they know that we all think it’s PR. I think maybe they are the ones leaving some of the “it’s PR” comments on the DM and other Holivia articles not the GP. (Go look up what they did for Eroda and all the fake Twitter accounts they made for that marketing push) If everyone thinks the relationship is fake even if stories say otherwise, this angle is better because he didn’t really break up a family/date her anyway. Olivia still gets name recognition and tabloids get clicks. That’s why I think we see Harry being so over it. At first his team wanted to sell the it’s real thing to water down the home wrecker narrative they’ve worked so hard to clear (why he wasn’t looking horribly miserable although still strange in the January photos) but they noticed we weren’t buying it. Now they’re purposely seeding doubt and straight up disconnecting him publicly from her as much as possible. They’re the ones that fed that Page 6 article about him singing about his ex in front of her. They’re trying to make her look bad guys! Why? It’s better for Harry that we’re thinking poor Harry caught up in this stunt with such an annoying person. It’s actually sort of hilarious. And real tea I think Jason’s team is doing the same thing so I doubt there’s any real bad blood between Jason and Harry bts or any of their shared friends. That’s why the subtle shade with the kids and Jason before the Emmys and the classic doodle line. Like damn. She’s probably on the phone so much talking to her PR team about how to salvage any of this and it sells her girlboss image. He’ll still make fun of the situation on SNL but I bet Olivia comes out looking the worst. The only confusing part is Jeff? Why would he hype Olivia on the teaser Instagram story hmm? Why not Harry? Well he’s not gonna tag them both in the post and honestly I think they’re trying to distance Harry from the movie some too bc it’s tainted by her and the stunt. I’ll stand by Harry’s core team who’ve been around being loyal to him. I think tommy is dancing with Olivia like that bc he knows fans will capture it and she’ll look stupid.

I know this is a lot and sounds sort of crazy. I’m not a Larry or any of that but literally this whole thing has been so strange and this is the only explanation I can’t come up with. This is the first relationship I feel is a stunt truly without love or at least some romance involved. I don’t know what happened between them but that weird dancing video and the yacht pics really cemented it as being off for me. I don’t think Harry’s innocent or any of that either. I know he has flaws but I can’t for the life of me wrap my head around why someone who was so horribly paraded through the press with 1D would find themselves in this position again when he hasn’t had anything like this in the press for like 5 years? I know there are some pieces still missing like why did this all start in the first place?? I don’t think Harry would willingly tarnish his image even for a movie role. I don’t believe they were even seeding Holivia back then. I think they had him photographed with Flo stating they were just friends and the article about him being single to get ahead of any costar romance narratives. This was supposed to be a serious project for him. Something else happened that sent us all careening down this path to Holivia hell and it probably involves betrayal of some sort which is why he made that weird statement “thanks to everyone who has my back” at the brits. I’m convinced that DWD was supposed to be a movie to show he has acting range and that’s why he took the role, but it’s become some weird death trap.

link

[tales-unique]

FAITH, LOST  IV

Oh honey she starts off so spicy! Hence why it's all under a Read More since I don't wanna get done for showing the nasty straight out the gate. Minors better beware! ;3

Tagging the boos, for obvs reasons @chelseareferenced @buckysbaby1 hope you all like it! 😘😘

Chapter 4

It begins as soon as your eyes flutter open. The darkness, familiar, like an old friend, coerces your senses into a heightened state. Exposed, your skin prickles at the coolness of the room, writhing against soft sheets. You exhale in exhilaration; you know what’s to come. It starts small, a low thrum of electricity in the air that tickles your bare flesh. Then it builds, tantalizingly slow, a measured surge of power that has you twisting yourself in knots. You want more. Only He can give you more. His arrival is heralded by the scent of oil and whiskey, leather and smoke. It caresses you, embraces you, and sends you into overdrive. It’s instinctual, a primal desire. It corrupts your mind, the sequence disjointing in its take over. Thick boots echo on a wooden floor, your mouth falling open with a heated breath. Your back arches when you feel his weight dip the bed, heat radiating from him. The contrast has you trembling, body wired. His hands, strong and calloused, grip the backs of your thighs easily. A simple tug and you’re at his mercy, legs parting easily in his strong grip. You moan, he growls. He likes what he can see, those beast eyes glowing a dangerous red in the blackness. Sharp indents form against delicate skin, his claws marking your inner thighs. His little lamb, so sweet and so ready for the slaughter. Then there’s movement, the shuffle of fabric, the chink of a belt buckle. You tense, but you’re ready. The air surges with the oncoming crescendo, the room spinning, or maybe it’s you? You’re not sure, preoccupied with the molten heat that pools suddenly between your legs. You feel his grin, all teeth and tongue helping to blot out the sharp stab of pain.      Forgive me Father, for I have sinned—

The sudden chaos of a burst steam pipe in the hallway outside your room abruptly shocks you from your slumber, a cacophony of sounds assaulting your sleep-hazed senses. You hear Heisenberg shouting, the scraping of metal being reshaped at will, the harsh hissing of escaping steam. Groaning at the rude awakening you flop back against the lumpy couch cushions, kicking off your blanket in protest. A light sheen of sweat covers your body, making your nightclothes stick to you in an uncomfortable way. As you stare up at the ceiling you try to decode the meaning behind your dream. You recall with an embarrassing amount of clarity just what it was you were doing and who you were enjoying it with. Humiliation blooms within you, coloring your cheeks a shade of scarlet. It wasn’t as though you hadn’t indulged in the past, you just never had desires so blatant before. Especially for someone who was your superior in every way. “Hey, you awake in there?” Heisenberg’s voice cuts your thoughts short. All the racket has stopped, there’s just the usual hum of the Factory. “Y-yes!” You squeak, stomach clenching uncharacteristically as you sit up, “I’m awake!” “Well get your ass up, we have work to do!” He claps his hands hard to exaggerate his point and you lament your new found torture as his footfalls recede down the corridor. Oh merciful Mother Miranda how were you supposed to face him anymore?

Heisenberg is, for lack of a better word, pissed. It surges through him and it shows in the haphazard, volatile approach he takes with his work. It isn’t rational, this level of response on his part, but he can’t help it. You’ve barely spoken a full sentence to him all day. Now, he’s under no illusions that you were going to become the best of friends. After all, you had been sent to him by Mother Bitch herself to be his servant and he knew that you were three sheets to the wind over this religious bullshit, but he’d thought that you’d been showing progress in becoming your own person. At least, you were , until that little incident where he had you pinned against his desk and decided to take his teasing to the next level. It isn’t often that Heisenberg considers that he may have gone too far with something, or someone , but he’s definitely considering the possibility now that you seem to be avoiding him wherever possible. You’d even brushed off his blatant last ditch attempt, an offer to accompany him to see his forge and the projects he’d been working on, in favour of praying to Mother Miranda. It’s the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen. You’d been so close to opening up, to no longer being a tool, but instead you’re become even more the meek little lamb of Miranda’s flock. Frustration bubbles within and his temper, short-fused as it already is, takes a critical hit. As a result everything he does has a sharp, volatile edge to it; even something as simple as opening a door is menacing in his current state. It serves to further deter you from him, giving you the space you so desperately desired. That is, until Heisenberg reaches his limit. “Just open up already! You can’t ignore me forever!” He thunders where he stands in the hallway, gritting his teeth in a vicious snarl. When he’s met with your persistent silence he howls in frustration, throwing his arms up in the air. The irony of him choosing to remain outside your door doesn’t go amiss, since it’s well known that he could easily rip the door from its hinges with the flick of his hand because of his nifty little ability to manipulate metal. Which, coincidentally, nearly everything in this Factory is made of in some form or another. But he doesn’t and you’re thankful for that, even if you still don’t want to face him. It continues on relentlessly, neither side backing down, and without realizing it, the whole thing becomes a game in its own right. One that pits you against one another to see who cracks first. So it’s a surprise when it’s Heisenberg that seeks you out first. It’s a situation of his own making, having followed you on the gritty live feed from his security cameras. With ease he catches you off guard on your way out of the elevator, taking your fright in his stride. “Easy now!” He exclaims, his hands raised in surrender. You’re cagey, looking for a way out. He isn’t going to give you one because he’s had about enough of you giving him the cold shoulder over a goddamn joke . You’ve pressed yourself tight against the wall, watching him like a hawk. He can hear the frantic flutter of your heart, the sharp intakes of breath, and his jaw tightens. He can’t get distracted now, he needs to focus — this was not the time to enjoy your distress. “Now I know that I can be a bit of a handful,” he starts, then falters, mouth working to try and word it just right, “but, really, hasn’t this gone on long enough? I didn’t mean any harm by it! Just a little teasing, you weren’t meant to get upset.” Oh, he thinks this is because of that time. You stare up at him in utter disbelief. You want to slap him. It’s the first time you’ve ever felt the innate burning desire to inflict bodily harm on anyone, but here you stand, about ready to knock those glasses right off his face. “You have literally no idea how you make me feel , do you?” You accuse him, incredulous, your posture straightening. Things might have slipped back to the way they were before all of this if he had just let you be, allowed you to warm back up to him, and maybe you might have been content with that. This was a turmoil of his own creation, after all, so why not let him stew in it a while. But now? Now you were at your limit. You’re tired of constantly tip-toeing around yourself because of him and his stupid games. If anything, you’re even more tentative to rekindle whatever this relationship is that you have with him, to throw in the towel and tell Mother Miranda she’d been wrong about you. It made you sour to think that what little progress you had made had been lost and it’s taken its toll on you. There’s a harsh look to you that has Heisenberg’s head spinning, apprehension gripping him. “H-Hold on a minute,” he attempts to defend himself, an uncomfortable blend of emotions sitting like a stone in his stomach. He’s conflicted over your new found confidence. You’re no longer the mild-mannered devotee that was wound around Mother Miranda’s finger, standing tall. You’re practically shining. It’s a good look on you, but he’s not exactly thrilled to be the one on the receiving end. “No!” You snap, squaring up to him. You see his brilliant eyes widen behind his circular glasses and for once in your life you feel powerful and in control . “I’ve done nothing but try my best here, trying to make something good out of this situation and you made me feel like a complete idiot !” The words feel heavy on your tongue, but you feel lighter now that they’re out in the open. Who knew that having your shame out in the open could feel so liberating. You take a deep breath when you feel the pinpricks of tears sting your eyes, trying to ground yourself. You wouldn’t forgive yourself if you cried in front of him. Not in this lifetime, or the next. Heisenberg stares down at you with a look of realization on his face, now fully aware that there was more to this than your feelings of inadequacy, that you were little more than a joke to him. It’s always been there, in the way your heart races when he gets just that little bit too close or how your eyes soften when he’s agonizing over his work. He goes to speak this revelation but you shake your head, lower lip trembling. “I was just trying to help .” The way your voice breaks has him in a tailspin, the look of pure anguish in your eyes cutting him deep. This is in no way what he had envisioned when he spotted the chance to clear the air with you. “Oh come on, don’t cry!” It’s a desperate plea, something you never thought you would hear from him. “You’re making me feel really shitty here!” “That’s because you are!” You sob, unable to hold it back anymore. You feel like such a pathetic idiot. That overwhelming monster of self-degradation looms, fueling your misery. If only a dark abyss could just swallow you up and save you from this embarrassment, but you know that’s not going to happen. There’s only this awkward moment, lingering between you. You whimper, trying desperately to wipe away your tears. They stream down your cheeks, burning against your already flushed skin as you sniffle. Suddenly his hands are encasing your own in a firm grip. With a surprisingly gentle touch he tugs them down, exposing you. The whites of your eyes are marred with tiny lines of red and your long lashes clump together from your tears. You’re a mess, but he doesn’t mind. In fact, he finds you oddly endearing in the moment. Swallowing, you try to understand what’s going on. Your hands are still held in his, the feel of soft leather almost comforting against your skin, and you wonder if you’re dreaming again. Something stirs in you, glowing embers kicking up from ashes, and you try to pull away. It’s an admirable attempt but Heisenberg easily catches you, holding you in a vice-like grip against him. You whine at the harshness of his grasp and he frowns, loosening his hold just enough to make it bearable. “I’m sorry, alright?” He mumbles, hesitating. It’s been so long, too long, since he’s been in such close proximity to someone who wasn’t prey. You aren’t fighting him, you aren’t trying your damnedest to get away. In fact, you look as though you’re captivated by him. It’s a side of him that no one has ever seen before, the dejection of a man twisted into being a monster. Something inside you breaks anew at how lost he looks, the last and most dangerous of the Lords at Mother Miranda’s disposal. He’s nothing more than a dog on a choke chain, to be used when it’s suited and then discarded afterwards. Just like you. “Heisenberg,” your voice is hushed, woeful. The words are so genuine and your heart isn’t yet made of stone to be immune to their plight. When you shift in his grasp there’s no resistance and you reach up to gently cup his cheeks in your hands. The stubble on his face tickles your palms and his skin is warm and smooth to the touch. You find you quite like it, the contrast of textures. He does little in the way to stop you. In fact, he encourages you. His hands find purchase on your hips, thumbs brushing the delicate spots just below your rib cage. It elicits a soft gasp from you, your body stiffening beneath him. Glistening eyes stare up at him, a swirling maelstrom threatening to drown him along with you. He’s curious whether or not you’re ready to commit to this. Heisenberg knows what you want, or better yet, what your body wants, but your mind eludes him. He waits with bated breath to see what path you will take, the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety creeping in his bones. It’s like poison, a crawling taint that threatens to take over him. What have you done to him? The exact same thing he did to you. It’s a disquieting notion, one that almost overtakes him, until it doesn’t. The doubts are suddenly banished and relief washes over him at the feel of your silken lips against his in a tender kiss. The chain breaks; you're both suddenly free, and it feels euphoric .

[darkcircles4lyfe]

retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 

See you next week <3