#wheres that fucking small monkey meme

[calamitouscynic]

fucking owe 400 dollars to the federal government this year. goddamn bullshit.

at least I'll get a nice state return? or at least half of it I GUESS.

[vexwerewolf]

Tell us about one of your favorite Lancer mechs you've piloted

(art by @deeganart)

-- IPS-N Tortuga @ LL12 -- [ LICENSES ] HORUS Goblin 3, IPS-N Tortuga 2, HA Sherman 3, SSC Dusk Wing 3, IPS-N Raleigh 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Sloped Plating, Heatfall Coolant System, Auto-Stabilizing Hardpoints, Improved Armament [ TALENTS ] Vanguard 3, Leader 3, Grease Monkey 3, Nuclear Cavalier 3, Combined Arms 2, Empath 1 [ STATS ] HULL:4 AGI:2 SYS:4 ENGI:4 STRUCTURE:4 HP:24 ARMOR:3 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:10 REPAIR:8 TECH ATK:+5 LIMITED:+2 SPD:4 EVA:8 EDEF:14 SENSE:15 SAVE:16 [ WEAPONS ] Integrated: Fuel Rod Gun FLEX MOUNT: Hand Cannon / Hand Cannon MAIN MOUNT: Deck-Sweeper Automatic Shotgun HEAVY MOUNT: ANDROMEDA-Pattern Heavy Laser Rifle // Auto-Stabilizing Hardpoints [ SYSTEMS ] Personalizations, ASURA-Class NHP x3, H0R_OS System Upgrade I, H0R_OS System Upgrade II, Flicker Field Projector, Redundant Systems Upgrade x3, BB Breach/Blast Charges x5

This mech does everything.

It's tough, it's survivable, it can hand out truly obscene amounts of damage. It can create instant Size 2 cover anywhere within Sensors. It can shut down high-power enemies. Every time it moves, the first attack against it has a flat 50% chance to miss. It can give allies +1d6 damage as a reaction. If an enemy so much as sneezes in its vicinity, it will light it up. So long as there are less than five combats in the mission, it can use ASURA every combat. Once per mission, everyone gets a point of Structure repaired and a use of all Limited systems restored for free.

Having the extra Flex with the Hand Cannons allows it to do a truly filthy trick with its Core System. Hyper-Reflex Mode says "any character you hit with Overwatch becomes Immobilized until the end of their next turn." If you Overwatch with a Main/Aux or an Aux/Aux, your first attack in the sequence must be against the enemy who triggered it, but your second attack isn't subject to this restriction, so if someone triggers your Overwatch while HRM is on, you can fire the second Hand Cannon at some rando who's also in range and they both get Immobilized.

It has no melee weapons and needs none thanks to Combined Arms 2, and thanks to Combined Arms 1 it can get soft cover just by being adjacent to an enemy.

With 10 Heat Cap and Heatfall, it can safely Overcharge Loop to fire its Andromeda, and it has a 1-in-3 chance of being able to trigger Nuclear Cavalier every time it does so. Andromeda gets +1 Accuracy automatically.

Switch customized it to have a small fleet of camera drones constantly circling it so that they can livestream all their mech fights, and they always carry an omnihook with them so that they'll be able to connect to the omninet no matter where they are.

This isn't a meme machine. It's a fucking dream machine.

[good4olivia]

modern!aegon in love with aemond's girl part 2

warnings: uhh this one ain't for the aemond girlies lol, creepy aegon again but not as bad lol, slight nsfw, that's all i can think of, maybe the first one was better idk

Aegon had no reason to be upstairs, after he moved back in after dropping out of college he was living in the basement. But you were upstairs. All the fucking time, the Targaryen mansion was obviously much nicer than your shitty studio apartment. 

He had no reason to be upstairs but he was, sitting in one of the spare rooms. Like a creep cause he knew you were in the shower. Even better, he knew Aemond was downstairs talking with his mother so you were alone. He could picture you naked and wet, not having to filter his brother out from those images. 

The spare room was perfect as when he peered out it, he could see you leave the bathroom but you didn’t notice him. All too soon, you were closing the door on Aemond’s room to change. He fisted his cock at the thoughts of you, as he did all the time. Each time proved more frustrating as all he wanted you and his hand was never going to be enough. 

Sure, Aemond knew his brother had feelings for you. He just didn’t thought maybe it was a crush, one that would blow over. 

It wasn’t till Christmas he realised how wrong he was. Christmas with the Targaryens was well, basically like probably how the Kardashians would do it. Just over the top everything. You always loved Christmas but it was simple with your family. Christmas with Aemond was like out of a movie. 

It took 3 hours just to do the gift exchange cause of how many there were. Of course, you had gotten Halena and Alicent a few little things, and they got you some cute little presents too. 

You got Aegon a nice hydro flask because you hated his plastic water bottle habit. He laughed when he read the note, ‘now you don’t have an excuse anymore lol’. Alicent couldn’t believe her eyes, her son was laughing, a proper laugh that reached his eyes. 

It was fine, until you opened your gift from Aegon. Aemond would’ve been fine if Aegon had gotten you a gift card or something but that’s not what Aegon did. He got you a necklace. A beautiful necklace with a a small dragon figurine. “I know how much you love dragons and I saw, I just knew it would look beautiful on you. May I?” Aegon said, walking over to where you were siting with Aemond. 

You thanked him graciously for the gift, exclaiming it was too much but Aegon brushed you off and fastened the chain around you neck. You couldn’t help the shiver that erupted as his hands lingered on your neck. It felt like a such a private moment that everyone in the room was well, basically that monkey side eye meme. 

Side note: Aemond got your AirPods Maxs for Christmas. Sorry just had to mention that cause I would love to be spoiled by rich boy Aemond. 

After the gifts were done, Aemond dragged Aegon into a private space. “What the fuck was that?” 

“What?” 

“You got my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. That’s not a gift you get your brothers girlfriend, you know that right?” 

“She’s not just your girlfriend to me, she’s my friend.” 

“Then get her a fucking gift card!” 

“She deserves more than that. The necklace looks so pretty on her.” Aegon got so dreamy eyed when he said, Aemond was just like that tiktok sound “bitch wtf” 

“Are you in love with her?” 

“So what if I am? She’s beautiful, smart, funny. And she listens to me, and makes me feel like I could do anything I wanted too.” 

“She’s my girl, Aegon.” 

“Well I can’t just take the necklace back.” 

“No, but you’re not gonna see her anymore.” 

Aemond tried to get you stop hanging out with Aegon as much, whenever you mentioned plans with him, he’d tag along or insist you cancel. It was pissing Aegon the fuck off, if he couldn’t have you the way he wanted why couldn’t he at least be in your life? In his eyes, Aemond should be thanking him that he hasn’t tried to kiss you, hasn’t tried to confess his feelings for you. 

Alicent had grown aware between the growing tension between the two brothers (more so than usual.) It didn’t take her long to figure out what was going on. She tried to talk to Aegon, encourage him to move on. Find another girl. Aegon dismissed the idea initially. Until he found a girl that looked close enough to you. Same hair, colour eyes. Sure, she didn’t laugh the same or make him feel the way you do but she’ll do. For now. 

You were very happy that Aegon had a new girlfriend, you became quick friends with her and often invited her when you went out with Halena. This made Aegon more annoyed, if you friends with his girlfriend you’d have even more reservations to be with him. If only you knew he had to bite his lip to keep from calling out your name when he was fucking his girlfriend. 

It was his four months with this girl when he heard you and Aemond were ‘on a break’ whatever the fuck that means, Aegon didn’t care. He raced over to your apartment. 

“Aegon? What are you doing here?” 

“I… I heard about you and Aemond. Wanted to see if you were okay.” He rocked nervously back and forth on his ankles. 

“Oh. Yeah, come in.” You let him through, asked him if he wanted anything and when he declined  you sat on the lounge with him. “I don’t know, Aemond and I have been together for over a year and we basically spent every day together so I suggested he move in here. He just freaked out, said he had to focus on school. Said he’s not moving out till he’s done school and is working for your father, I told him hey that’s okay I was just asking. But then he went on about space and time apart and bullshit  like that so.” 

Aegon couldn’t believe his luck, “He’s a fucking idiot.” 

You laughed at that, “Yeah maybe he is. Just sucks though cause he said that this isn’t forever but what? Am I supposed to just fucking wait for him?” 

“No.” This was it. Aegon could kiss you, he was going to kiss you. Then he was going to fuck you, then you’d be his. And when Aemond finally realised how much he messed up, it was going to be too late. You were already his. Just when he was going to lean in, his phone went off. 

“Do you have to get that?” 

Aegon looked down at the messages pouring in from his girlfriend, shit he was supposed to meet her at the movies now. He turned the phone on silent and slipped it back in his pocket, “No, there’s no where else I have to be but right here.” He moved some loose hair of yours behind your ear, caressing the side of your face afterwards. “You’re so beautiful.” 

You could sense what was about to happen, you started leaning in as he did. Your lips were so soft, it was everything Aegon had dreamed it would be. When you broke apart, you whispered his name. You meant it was a warning that you couldn’t go further but Aegon was too gone to take it as anything more than an invitation, he moved his lips back on yours, pushing you down on your back, kissing your neck, hands roaming all over your body. He moaned in your mouth when his hands found all your curves. 

“Aegon.” You tried to push him off you but again he just saw this as you touching his chest. “Aegon, we have to stop. Please.” You managed to sit up right again and straighten out your clothes. 

Aegon took a deep breath, “What’s the problem?” 

“I don’t know whats going on with Aemond and I and you have a girlfriend!” 

“Listen to me, [name.] I’ve been in love with you for so long now and I’ve had to watch you with my brother and he- he doesn’t deserve you. If he did, he wouldn’t have let you go. He doesn’t want you.” He paused and cupped your face with one of his hands, “I want you. I’ll always want you.” 

You leaned into his touch, finally letting yourself feel for Aegon what you’ve kept bottled up all these times. He started kissing you again and you let him. “Go and put on the necklace I gave you beautiful.” He wanted the necklace to hang off your back the first time he took you - and every other time after that. 

Aegon knew he could die a happy man now that he finally knew what it was like to be inside of you, to hold you. He had no idea how his brother could ever give it up but that wasn’t his problem anymore, he had you. 

You told Aegon that Aemond couldn’t know about you two. At first it annoyed Aegon, he wanted to show you off. He wanted to see his brother face when he walked in with you hand in hand. 

But he found it much more fun to be in a secret relationship, he would say he was out with the guys and he loved that he could tell Aemond had his suspicions but couldn’t know for sure. 

You never took off the necklace now, before with Aemond you only wore it when he wasn’t around. It always put him in a sour mood but it made Aegon so proud when you wore it around your neck.

Alicent couldn’t place the sudden change in her eldest son’s attitude. The excessive weed smoking she pretended she hadn’t noticed has gone down, Aegon had gotten a full time job at a warehouse. No, he wasn’t going back to college but at least he wasn’t spending his days playing video games in the basements. If only she knew it was all because he wanted to be a better man for you. 

tags : @polireader @caramelcandescence

[captainwholecake]

May I have a headcanon for Ace, Law and Luffy react to having a s/o who is a smart scientist???

a/n: Law would be into it tell me otherwise

warnings: Ace and Law being into it with no context given what so ever

——

Portgas D. Ace

* someone please tell me where this is from exactly because it’s so fucking cute I love him 🥺🥺

This himbo of a man would absolutely be into it

He would think of it being fucking cool

Absolutely wil brag about how smart his s/o is too

Strongly into the lab coat

most likely would try to get his s/o test shit on him and they would be like NOO

like that child having a knife vine/meme type of bullshit

I imagine it would like dexters lab situation with dexters sister being ace and all

Probably be in the corner when his s/o is working on stuff

the small part of me who loves seeing this man sulk is in tears rn

Marco and Thatch definitely had to physically hold him back so he doesn’t bother his s/o a few times

Thatch would want some science action to see if would make his cooking *chef kiss* level like isn’t already

I believe he steals his s/o lab coats

Trafalgar Law

* y’all see that tiktok of someone saying every time they draw laws hands they want to you know to put c*m coming off his fingers and its to the CONNOR! military sounding audio or whatever ? Anyways

Couples who science together say together

HES A DOCTOR HE DOES HALF THAT SHIT ANYWAYS

Would still be really into it tho

Probably because I see him being really into trying to use him doctor shit on his s/o and it not working because you know but despite that he’s really into it for some reason

Law and s/o definitely joined forces for certain things like idk meds

he started wearing lab coats and shit because of them

AJDJEJD I’m imagining him talking to Rosie or some shit in this head going see what you did to me you bastard you got me

Penguin and Shachi definitely tease him for this

(Looks up shachi to make sure I spelled his correct) (sees what happened post wano ���🫥)

Bepo just confused and only ikkaku of all the other members knows whats up (SHES A QUEEN OKAY)

I genuinely don’t know what else to say OHHH

Do you think he would tell his s/o about his white lead disease

Monkey D. Luffy

* the moment I find where this is from its over for you bitches

this himbo but not the same level as his brother would think it would the coolest fucking thing in the world

LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME IM WRONG

Chopper and his s/o are besties no context needed

*loud banging fist on table* Do you think he would wrap his hands around his s/o’s waist or you know something like that and ask them everything but in a really polite way because he’s genuinely curious about it ????

I DIDNT PLAN TO SIMP FOR LUFFY IN THIS LISTEN TO ME ON THIS PLEASE

I feel like every one on the crew would be surprised expect for robin and jimbei (that reminds me I need to repost a reel I saw on insta related to my robinxfranky agenda)

Wears his s/os lab coats for fun (like wearing your s/os jacket you know)

AJDJD IMAGINE during the time Law was with them after punk hazard and hes sees Luffy wearing one and is majorly confused

He’d probably think he was going crazy then nami or someone explains to him the situation

I feel like I made Luffy’s more like Ace and Ace’s more like Luffy with how they would act

Uhh their brothers so it doesn’t matter

All around, mans would love his s/o and their profession for multitude of reasons

[thirtysixsavefiles]

writing meme: POV!

POV — something that’s already happened, retold from another character’s perspective

:D :D :D I'm SO glad you asked this (this is long, so continued under the cut)

Sanji lets himself into Luffy’s place, balancing the bag of groceries on his free arm. Luffy should be home in a few hours, and if Sanji times this right the fish will be sizzling when Luffy walks through the door. Fresh-caught just this morning, and too beautiful to pass up; it’s nice to cook for an appreciative audience, and no one appreciates food more than Monkey D. Luffy.

Sanji likes Luffy, and not just because of the way he feels about Sanji’s cooking. It’s nice to have friends. It’s nice to be the kind of person who has friends.

The afternoon sun slants in through the big windows in the living room as Sanji sets the bag down on the kitchen island, busying himself with putting things away. Cucumbers in the fridge, sunflower oil with the others — Sanji has been experimenting with different smoke points, and at this point Luffy’s kitchen is starting to resemble Sanji’s own in terms of spices and cooking oils. Luffy swears he doesn’t mind, says this was the point of hiring Sanji in the first place, for him to have everything he might need.

It had been kind, and although Luffy insists that he has purely selfish motives — “how else am I supposed to eat your cooking?” — Sanji is going to ensure that Luffy doesn’t regret it. Starting with this fish —

“Who the fuck are you?” says an unfamiliar voice, and Sanji stills, one hand still on the sunflower oil.

The voice had come from the living room. The view is blocked by the open cupboard door; there must have been someone on the sofa, that’s the only place not visible from the kitchen. Sanji listens for a second but there’s no sound of movement. There’d been no sign of forced entry when he’d come in, but a professional wouldn’t have left any; on the other hand a professional wouldn’t have announced themselves like that, either.

Sanji slams the cupboard door shut and whirls toward the living room. A man with green hair is glaring at him from over the back of the sofa — no one Sanji knows, which is good. Sanji puts one hand on the counter near the knife block, just in case, and glares.

“Excuse me?” he says. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I —” the man blinks. “I live here.”

The fuck he does. “The fuck you do,” Sanji says. None of these knives are balanced for throwing but Sanji knows them all, he could make it work —

“I’m sorry, does the mortgage have your name on it?” the man says, clearly unaware of how close he is to becoming a pincushion. “Which is?” he adds pointedly.

Sanji ignores that. “Prove it.”

“You want me to prove that I live here?” The man pushes himself to his feet, and Sanji tenses.

“If you don’t want me to throw your ass out of here, then yeah.” The man has his arm in a sling, and is moving carefully, but injuries can be faked and a cast is a great place to hide a blade.

The man huffs, shifting on his feet. “Try it.”

“I’m serious,” Sanji says. “I’ve never seen you before, Luffy’s never mentioned a roommate, and you expect me to believe that you’ve been living here the whole time?”

The man relaxes all at once. “I travel on business,” he says, moving toward the entrance, where — stupid, stupid, Sanji should have clocked the unfamiliar coat, but now the man is fishing one-handed in the coat pocket and pulling out a small card. He crosses over to the kitchen island and tosses it on the counter.

“Takahashi Zoro,” he says. “Nice to meet you.”

Sanji keeps his eyes on the man as he picks up the card, then finally looks down. The picture on the driver’s license matches, the name matches, the address matches —

Fake IDs are easy enough to come by, of course, but — why would this man go to all the trouble? Is it possible Luffy has a roommate he’s never mentioned? Sanji hasn’t really known him that long. Maybe it’s a good thing Sanji hadn’t gone for the knives.

“Bourreau Sanji,” he says reluctantly, sliding the ID back across the counter. “The pleasure’s mine. I guess.”

[faint-kitten]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

So. This needs a lot of explanation for this rabbit hole, but all of you need to suffer this with me. If you watch my stream and don't want me to idk ruin the "magic" of my little shark don't read this.

But to anyone who PNG's it's pretty common knowledge I think.

So I stream, right? I have no money right? I have no talent for drawing right? So i have to hand make everything I have from whatever I can via 1) Create for myself with MS paint and Gimp

2) Steal from a corporation without feeling bad for it.

So I'm sitting there thinking about how my PNG model has a santa hat for the holiday streams. But the santa hat vanishes when i do different emotes because I didn't photoshop it onto the other faces.

When you don't have a vtube studio model/rig and you use veadotube mini, you're drawing/editing 4 images every time you want to add something. For instance: I spent too long creating shadow heart's hair for my model today. Then had to apply it to every face I have (Standard, clown, blushing). That's 12 times I have to photoshop and save the addition to the original image, and 12 times I have to load a file for every face for consistancy. Not complaining. I fucking love the program and am absolutely chuffed my broke ass could get it for free.

But I didn't do that for the santa hat. The Santa hat is just on my nuetral expression.

I recently added a "zoom" for close ups (a standard streaming trick for emphasizing moments, a lot of streamers do this with a close up of their model or a close up on thier camera.) In order to do this "trick" I had to tell my stream deck to hide my normal veado source and show the "zoom" source. Every expression works big there. But I only have so many keys, I can't map the switch back to the santa hat or santa would just trigger big mode, so I just mapped "hide big mode" to the default face which runs several stream deck commands to nuke any changes I'd made to my look (vanishing clown hair, googly eyes etc.)

I'd have to go "big mode" then small mode which resets everything to default size, and then tap santa mode.

But I kept forgetting to re-apply santa mode after swapping back from big mode. So I'd go huge, shrink down and the hat would be "gone" .

So chat kept making a joke that my hat "fell off again." And I started doing a whole bit where I'd slide my png like it was "walking down the stairs" out of sight, re-apply it and come back up with my hat on again.

Then it occured to me, what if, as a bit, I could do that, and down switch to another scene: One where I'm under like a dinner table. Like I'd ducked under the cloth and was just hanging out down there. I could break the fourth wall and pretend I was taking a break from the audience. Pretend to talk about the show under my breath like they couldn't hear me, you know? As a bit.

So I googled "under the table" to start getting reference photos. Not realizing most of it is either going to be "getting paid under the table" or dudes and dudettes playing with each other under the table.

As I was looking at these I spotted the words "pawjob under the table." It was at this point, I learned what a Pawjob was, and what Pawing off is (I approve and have questions).

So I'm sitting here staring at memes from Genshin impact and just pictures and pictures and pictures of Max beating off sam with his feet and other furries with dicks on their feet and out of the corner of my eye I spot a very serious, very familiar face…

Jordan Fucking Peele. The director of Get out, Nope, etc.

I'm thinking it can't be. Someone had to use it as a joke or meme, right? But this photo looks OFFICIAL. So I HAVE to know. I click on it and it fucking takes me to his production company or something. There's Jordan standing in a room full of very serious people in black. It's a company page, and he's listed as CEO.

What the fuck does this have to do with paw jobs? So I'm looking around and I notice the fucking company name is "Monkey's Paw"…and there's a careers section for applying for a JOB.

So in case anyone is curious: Jordan Peel is offering paw jobs.

[legends-live-in-memories]

Super-Rockin’ Wedding of the Century

AYO! Day 2 of MGI Trope Tussle! Team Enemies-to-Lovers for the win. I bring you another oneshot. but this time i used 3 prompts like a dumbass.

Fics Masterlist

Daminette Oneshot 4.3K words (no warnings except slight cursing)

Summary:

“Marinette is invited to the Super-Rockin' Wedding of the Century and she needs a date. Alya is both her best and worst wingman.”

Day 2 of MGI Trope Tussle, I used 3 prompts to make this thing: 1. "You don't have to like me, you just need to pretend you do." 2. "I like your costume. You look very cute." "Are you making fun of me?" 3. 'Write about a very unusual wedding proposal.' this is the culmination of all my efforts.

without further ado:

It was the biggest news on the internet. Global sensation, international rockstar, Jagged Stone, was officially engaged to childhood friend turned manager, Penny Rolling. Memes and fan theories stormed every corner of the web. Trending topics including #rockstar_wedding and #RollingStone permeated every social media platform. Guest lists were speculated, dress designers were tagged in every post that even mentioned the words ‘wedding’ or ‘bride’. It was total mayhem but none felt it worse than up-and-coming Parisian designer, M. D. Cheng, privately known as Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

The young adult was up to her neck in design templates, and was drowning in half-baked ideas and sketches. While the internet has only heard about the proposal for a solid two weeks at this point, Marinette was in the know for six months. Jagged Stone had contacted her in advance because he needed her help with the proposal itself.

And what a proposal it was.  

Jagged had outlined his idea in simple terms but it was still so mind-boggling that Marinette needed him to draw some visual aids to completely convey his idea. Initially it sounded simple enough but the more the man spoke, the more Marinette felt her brain fry at the mental picture. It first involved recreating a scene from Penny’s favourite movie. Which sounded rather romantic, if you ignored the fact that her favourite movie was Bride of Chucky. Then it involved Jagged dressed as the Tinman from Wizard of Oz. Oh, and the proposal had to happen on Halloween because that was the anniversary of their first date apparently, and based on everything else this plan entailed it might as well have been. Marinette’s role in all of this was to simply re-make the white wedding dress Chucky’s bride, Tiffany, wore because Penny already had the leather jacket to match. Of course she did. She didn’t even want to know how Jagged acquired the Tinman suit. Not her barrel of monkeys.

While many thought Jagged was the eccentric one of the pair, due to his loud personality and being an actual rockstar, the more Marinette worked for the two of them over the years, the more she learned how absolutely wrong they all were. It turned out it was Penny’s idea for Jagged to dye his hair purple, and she was the one to ask him out on Halloween all those faithful years ago. Her calm and collected demeanor was an impressive cover for the absolute weirdo she actually was. And Jagged had planned a proposal that was undoubtedly perfect for her. Regardless of how abso-fucking-lutely bizarre it was.

To each their own and let’s move on.

The set-up for the proposal started with Jagged, dressed as the Tinman, playing the part of Chucky, who begins the body-switching chant from the movie. Everything from that point on was resting on Penny’s love for the movie. Without hesitating, Penny, dressed as Tiffany, and playing her part, knew the lines by heart and immediately began reenacting the scene with Jagged. Her lines involved telling ‘Chucky’ to kiss her while she reaches for a knife that’s supposed to be in his pocket. Instead, as Jagged was still dressed as the Tinman, Penny pulled out a slip of paper. On said paper, the words ‘All the Tinman wanted was a heart’ were written in Jagged’s almost illegible chicken scratch. When Penny was distracted with the piece of paper, Jagged had gotten down on one knee and pulled out the engagement ring. The actual words of his proposal were never actually said because, upon seeing the ring, Penny flung herself into the man, clipping her chin into his metal-plated shoulder, but she wasn’t complaining.  

So that was how the proposal went.

Wedding planning started almost immediately since the newly engaged had already picked a theme. And this is where Marinette began to regret every life choice she has made since she was thirteen; starting with opening the mysterious box she found on her desk and ending with agreeing to being the main designer for the Rockin’ Wedding of the Century. One thing that wasn’t well-known but not a secret about Jagged was that he was a superhero fan. He grew up enjoying the fictional ones in his childhood comic books and he adored the real ones he witnessed in his adult life. His song that he dedicated to the teenage Ladybug was only one part of his… appreciation. His hero-worship went so far as to beieve that a hero-themed wedding was appropriate. Or he didn’t, but also didn’t care about adhering to societal propriety and went with that theme anyways. So the Rockin’ Wedding of the Century was now the Super-Rockin’ Wedding of the Century. And twenty-three year old Marinette was incharge of the entire wedding party’s outfits.

Perfect.

As a small mercy from some god, both the bride and groom to-be had a rather short list of people in their parties. Marinette was also able to design appropriate hero-themed outfits for all of them and scheduled them for fittings in the coming weeks. That, surprisingly, was the easy part as there were plenty of heroes to draw inspiration from. However, that wasn’t the cause of her current crisis right now.

No. Marinette was up to her neck in unnecessary designs and ideas because she’s been avoiding one particular contingency in her acceptance of the wedding invitation.

She needed a date.

She needed a date because she had promised Penny that she wasn’t overworking herself and to prove it, she would bring a date to the wedding. Rather than call any of the people who expressed interest in her at some point in time, she designated herself to wallow in her situation and distract herself with designs. In the midst of her one person pity party, her phone rang under the sea of ripped out pages. She scoured for the device and hastily answered before she could accidently send the caller to voicemail.

“Hello?” She didn’t check the caller ID and was delighted at the sound of her best friend answering her.

“Marinette! How’s it going over there?” Alya’s voice was mixed in with the busy street life of Metropolis. She had moved there immediately after high school, snatching an internship with the Daily Planet and attending the local community college. She and Marinette don’t call often due to time differences, but when they do it’s like they’ve never parted. She always looked forward to her calls.

“It’s going great, Als,” if she ignored her current dilemma, then yeah, everything was perfect. “But you wouldn’t happen to have an available bachelor willing to be my date to the ‘Super-Rockin’ Wedding of the Century’ in your back pocket, would you?”  

Alya’s answering laugh was both comforting and teasing and Marinette felt herself missing her even more. What she said next, however, took Marinette by surprise.

“Actually I do.”

“Pardon?”

“Well,” she took a pause to build suspense. “I know a guy who knows a guy. But it’s nothing shady, I swear.”

“That’s not comforting.” Oh god. What has she unintentionally signed herself up for?

“You know my coworker, Jon? The guy who does the photography for all my field work?” Alya had met Jon as soon as she had started her internship. Both of his parents were top journalists at the Daily Planet so he volunteered to act as tour guide for all the new interns. He and Alya, from the exasperated stories Marinette has heard from Nino, got along like a house on fire. If he was involved, Marinette was starting to doubt even further that this was going to end well for her.

“Yes, I know Jon. How is he by the way?”

“He’s fine, but I remember him telling me how he tried to set up his best friend on several dates over the years and how they all ended poorly. He’s as approachable as a brick wall; not just a prick but the whole damn cactus. Or so Jon says.” How does that sound like someone Marinette wanted to bring along with her to the wedding? “But he’s totally your type so I could ask Jon to wrap him up in bubblewrap and send him your way whenever you want.”

“How,” and Marinette said this with a lot of feeling, “is he my type exactly?”

“Green eyes with daddy issues.”

“ALYA!” Marinette was absolutely floored at her bluntness. She wasn’t even sorry about shouting into the receiver.

“Am I wrong? You have a type and he fits that type. Jon mentioned how this guy and his dad hit several roadblocks when they first met. And I’ve seen pictures of him so ‘green eyes’ checks too.”

“That is not my type of guy.” She can’t believe this was how this conversation was going.

“Adrien.”

“I didn’t even know who his father was at the time, Alya.”

“Felix.”

“His dad is dead! That doesn’t count as ‘daddy issues.’” She can feel her cheeks flaming as the call went on. Any hotter and she was going to set her sketchbooks on fire. “Besides, I dated Luka so he doesn’t fit the criteria.”

“He’s an outlier and that’s only because his eyes are blue.” Okay, fine she had a type. “And besides, you don’t even have to date the guy. You only need him to accompany you to the wedding and you both go your separate ways after. No harm, no foul.”

Right. That was true. No strings attached. She could do that.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but,” she held her breath and let it out loudly, ignoring Alya’s chuckle at her dramatics.” Give Jon my number to give this guy. And send his number to me.”

“Wahoo! Look at you, girl,” Alya was hooting and hollering over the speaker and Marinette found herself going along with the theatrics. “Okay, I will. But I gotta go, my cab is here. Bye!”

“Bye! Stay safe. Oh before you go, what’s Jon’s friend’s name anyways?”

“Uh, Damian, I think.” The call ended before Marinette could respond, but it was okay she mused. Tossing her phone onto her couch, she flopped down onto her floor and stared at her ceiling contemplatively.

What could go wrong?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Alya had described this Damian guy as ‘not just a prick but the whole damn cactus,’ she was right. Marinette had been texting back and forth with Damian for a month, and the guy was making this idea seem less and less worth it by the day. Whenever Marinette tried to learn more about the guy, he would ghost her for days on end before replying with a half-assed response at best. She knew nothing about him other than that his first name was Damian and that he was from Gotham. She had no idea how the ball of life that was Jon was even friends with someone like Damian. She asked as much to Alya in their most recent call.

“How did they even meet?” She was pacing the floor plan of her apartment, ready to tear her hair out. “Did Damian bully him in school or something?”

“Apparently their dads knew each other and introduced them,” Alya sounded half awake, stifling a yawn; probably because Marinette had called her at 1 am, Metropolis’s time. “Their brothers being friends also forced them to get along.”

“And that’s another thing!” Marinette had paused in her pacing and was now staring intently at a potted plant in the corner of her living room. Any more rage in her glare and the plant would have wilted and died. “He doesn’t tell me anything about him. I don’t need to know all his personal information, but if he’s going to be flying out to Paris on my behalf, I think I at least deserve to know his last name.”

“Hey, M,” another yawn echoed through the speaker, “I love you, truly, but maybe this could wait for holier day time hours?”

“I guess,” a vindictive part of Marinette felt like this was payback for all those inopportune calls when Marinette was busy with clients. “Sorry for interrupting your sleep.”

“It’s no big deal. But have you tried talking to him about it? If he’s ghosting your texts, try calling him. If he ignores you then too then maybe you should try finding another person to be your plus one.”

“The wedding is in two weeks, Alya!” Marinette partially regrets waiting so long to vent her frustration about the situation but she had tried to tough it out. “I would have much preferred if you were my plus one. You sure there’s no way to convince your parents to skip out on the family trip?”

“Sorry, M. Once the news about the proposal hit the internet, I tried everything. I even tried to use work, saying that I could cover the ceremony for the newspaper. My folks won’t budge though. My dad’s aunt is important to him and he wants us all at the funeral.”

“Right, right, I forgot about that.” Now she felt like an ass. “Send you dad my condolences when you see him again.”

“Will do. Good morning, Marinette. And don’t worry too much about the guy. Everything will turn up great. I can feel it.”

“Thanks, Alya. Good night, get some sleep.”

The line went dead and Marinette let out a rather weary exhale. She had no idea how this was going to work. She pulled up her contacts and searched for what she had Damian saved as.

‘Douche’ flashed on her screen and she hit the call button without remorse. She didn’t care that it was also currently 1 am in Gotham. He didn’t deserve that much consideration from her.

“What?” His voice was gravely and deep. And also really pissed if his clipped tone was anything to go by.

“Damian? Hi, this is Marinette, the girl you’re accompanying to the wedding in two weeks?” Her voice was pitched as if she was dealing with an irritating customer. Fake and polite.

“I know who you are. Why are you calling me at this unreasonable hour?” Fair, but Marinette was still aggravated at him so she wouldn’t concede.

“I’m calling because we need to talk.” She heard him scoff over the line and she felt her blood boil even hotter. She took several calming breaths to reign her temper in. “Don’t hang up.”

“Look,” She didn’t give him a chance to refuse and kept talking, getting everything off her chest. “This wedding is important to me and I promised the bride I would bring a date. After that you can delete my number and we never have to speak to each other ever. You don’t have to like me, you just need to pretend you do.”

“Whatever,” he sounded less annoyed from when he first answered the phone. “I will act as cordial as the situation requires, and nothing more. I also have my attire secured for the wedding and accommodations in Paris already prepared. I will see you at the wedding.”

“Than—” The sound of the call ending interrupted her and her frustration was back tenfold. With a cry in anguish she flung her phone onto her couch and stomped into her kitchen to channel her rage into baking.

Three loaves of bread and a dozen eclairs later, Marinette felt calm enough to finish the final touches on her outfit for the wedding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the day of the Super-Rockin’ Wedding of the Century. The Rolling-Stone’s, as they were asking to be called, had kept the ceremony small. Relatively. Only two hundred invited guests, few of which were asked to bring a plus one. Marinette was over the moon at the array of outfits people were sporting. Some chose full-on cosplay while others, like herself, went for more subtle nods to the heroes. In honour of a previous Ladybug, Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, Marinette based her outfit off of Wonder Woman’s uniform, Hippolyta’s daughter. A navy blue sequined halter top bodice that flows into a blood red A-line skirt. She paired it with a thick silver belt, silver gladiator heels rather than boots and broad silver arm cuffs. It was simple but effective. Besides, all attention should be on the bride and groom today.

A tap on her shoulder caught her attention and she turned only to come face first with red with black spots. Ladybug. Someone chose her as inspiration. How flattering. Looking up to see who was wearing the Ladybug-themed suit jacket, she stared at a pair of deep forest green eyes and a sneer to ruin that ridiculously handsome face. She recognized him from the photo Alya had sent some time ago. Damian.

“Hi, Damian,” at least one of them had to be civil and Marinette knew it was going to be her. But the idea that of all the heroes for him to choose from he chose her sent her into poorly stifled fits of giggling. Images of him going ‘Lucky Charm’ and ‘Miraculous Ladybug’ were almost too much to bear.

“I don’t know what’s so amusing about my choice of attire,” his face was starting to flush in similar shades to his jacket and that made Marinette laugh harder. “Ladybug is a well respected heroine and I thought it appropriate to pay homage while in her home city.”

“No. No no. There is nothing wrong with it. I like your costume, you look very cute.”

“Are you making fun of me?” His irritation was rather cathartic for the still giggling woman.

“No, I just didn’t think you would have put that much thought into your outfit for today. You always gave me the impression that you were ready to back out at any time.”

“I made a commitment and I had all intentions to see it through the end.”

“Could have fooled me.” And her snark was back. Now was not the time to pick a fight with the guy, he did fly all the way to Paris on her behalf after all.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” and Marinette wanted to know how he managed to sound so condescending with that statement. “How did you even get an invitation to this wedding anyways? You’re not a celebrity and you don’t look like family either.”

“Actually,” she said it with more force than what was probably necessary but his slightly accusatory tone was just so irritating. “I am the lead designer for the wedding party,” her chest was swimming with confidence at the chance to talk about her job. “I’ve worked with the bride and groom for years; M. D. Cheng, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Marinette will deny to her grave the rush of satisfaction at the absolute gobsmacked look on Damian’s face. A real fish out of water. Mouth open wide ready to catch flies. She wished she could capture this moment forever.

The moment was over too soon because Damian was regaining his composure and slipping into his default stoic expression. He cleared his throat and fixed a look at Marinette. It was rather intense.

“I believe I owe you an apology then.” He looked put-out at admitting something so menial. “I believed you were nothing more than a socialite chain climber.”

“A what?”

“When Jon reached out to me saying that a friend of one of his coworkers needed a date for an event, and when that event turned out to be the wedding of someone of such popularity, I figured you were only trying to increase your own social status by showing up with me on your arm.”

“And you said ‘yes’ anyways?” Marinette was confused but pieces of the mystery that is Damian were starting to fit in place. But something else stuck out as odd to her. “Also, how would you being my date increase my social status anyhow?”

He scoffs before answering. Bitch.

“What? It wouldn’t be the first time one of Jon’s set-ups ended that way. Besides, we’ve had an agreement that I can’t turn down an offer until meeting the person face to face.” Weird deal but some friendships are just like, Marinette supposes. “And being seen with me is enough to make anyone more popular.”

“...And you are?”

“Damian… Wayne…” He spoke as if he was talking to a small child. As if it should be obvious who he was like he was some celeb— Oh shit.

A name had flashed into her mind. On the finalised guest list, Marinette had only seen it once in passing, there was a name that belonged to someone Jagged was rather excited to see. He said the friend was an old college buddy. She remembered that much. She had completely forgotten that ‘a billionaire playboy’ was also attached to the name. Damian was the son of Bruce Wayne. Suddenly everything in the past few months made perfect sense. The cold shoulder, the ghosting, and his prickly disposition. He was overly guarded because he had justified reasons to be. Now she felt like an ass.

“Oh.” Real intelligent, Marinette.

“Oh? What, you didn’t know?” He sounded incredulous at the notion and he had every right to be. Marinette could only shake her head. Words were failing her now, her brain trying to rewrite the memories of every interaction the two ever had.

She was saved from further mortification by a call for everyone to find their seats. The wedding was about to begin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ceremony was beautiful. Penny’s dress was a silver grey, tied back with a golden belt. Instead of a long train, Marinette had attached a black cape that shimmered in the right lighting. Penny wore a tiara with two peaks to imitate the ‘bat-ears.’ A Batman-themed wedding dress was not something she ever saw herself making, but she was proud at how beautiful and confident Penny looked in it. Jagged was adorn in a royal blue suit with bold red lapels. He also had a matching red cape. His hair was styled in the familiar sleek way Superman wears it. The two made quite the pair.  

The reception was a lively affair. Jagged had dedicated several songs to his new wife and they dazzled the crowd on the dance floor. Marinette didn’t pay much attention to the speeches beyond a quick glance at Damian when his own father stepped up to the podium. He had buried his head in his hands, looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. A courtesy pat on the back was all Marinette gave to him.

The two hadn’t really spoken much since the revelation that they had completely misjudged each other. The awkward tension was almost palpable. As Marinette was gathering the courage to speak to him, to try and officially clear the air, she was being dragged by one of the bridesmaids onto the dancefloor. It was time for the bride to throw the bouquet. All the unmarried women were being corralled into a tight cluster and Marinette got swept up in the tide.

Marinette wasn’t focusing on the actual game, trying her hardest not to get trampled, when she saw something move in her periphery. Years of being Ladybug had left her with finely honed instincts so she could not be blamed when she immediately jumped and caught the incoming object. The bouquet. She had caught the bouquet. Oh that was just her luck. Deafening squeals of delight brought her out of her own head and she was suddenly being embraced in Penny’s arms. She returned the hug, sharing in her delight, before breaking away to sit down.

“Nice catch.” His voice had surprised her, she hadn’t expected him to speak to her for the rest of the night.

“Uh, thank you. Just lucky, I guess.” Damian didn’t get the chance to respond because he was being dragged by his own father to join all the bachelors in catching the garter. Marinette was equally uninterested in this spectacle and had let her mind wander to other things.

A loud uproar caught her attention again and her eyes zeroed in on Damian holding the tossed garter. He made his way back over to her, dropping himself into his seat gracelessly. The two sat in silence, contemplating the implications of them both catching the garter and bouquet. The games were done purely for tradition’s sake, with total disregard of what it was supposed to symbolise. Still. One’s mind couldn’t help but wander. Minutes ticked passed and Marinette was beginning to wonder if someone was going to talk about the elephant in the room.

“So,” Damian’s voice was slightly strained, like he wasn’t used to being this flustered. It was kind of endearing. Wait what?

“So.”

“While marriage seems far out of reach for right now,” Oh god. He was going to talk about it. “How does dinner sound, next Friday?”

“Wait,” he wanted to spend more time with her? After their disastrous first impressions? “Really?”

“Really. I believe we started off on the wrong foot,” he let out a soft chuckle, almost self-deprecating. “Which isn’t really new for me, but it’s not everyday I meet someone who doesn’t recognise me at first glance. I think you’re someone who I would like to get to know better. If that is something you are also interested in.”

“Yeah,” Marinette knows all about wanting to get acquainted with someone who she’s had a bad first impression of. Just look at her past relationships. Wow, she really does have a type. Damning thoughts for later. “Friday works for me. Seven pm?”

“Perfect. I’ll text you the details then.”

“Wonderful, I can’t wait.”

The rest of the evening was spent in companionable silence with small bouts of conversation in between. They shared a couple dances on the floor and parted ways at the end of the night with budding anticipation for Friday.

As Marinette was preparing for bed that night in the comfort of her apartment, she sent a text to Alya that her friend would see later in the day.

You were right, I do have a type :(

[yes-i-write-fanfiction]

More for the 4 gen z kids in G1 idea: I can imagine calling Soundwave "Daft punk wannabe" after hearing his voice, along their new mission: annoy and confuse the living shit out of decepticons. Plus I can totally imagine them trying to stage a situation where Seaspray would get stuck in a small canal or river or something similiar.

They keep trying to recreate memes from our time and everyone are so confused because they have no idea what’s going on. Just yesterday Optimus did a casual pose as he was holding a speech to the autobots and the gen z kids started shouting “he had to do it to them” over and over again. And the day before that one of the gen z kids approached Prowl because they needed some money to buy shampoo and they said “I am once again asking for your financial support”. Poor Prowl has no clue why this made the other gen z kids snicker like they just heard someone make a fart joke.

The first time the gen z kids got kidnapped by the decepticons (I say kidnap but they would have gone with them had they just asked) they near fucking drove Shockwave to the point of tears, they wouldn’t stop bullying him. They refused to say his name and just called him a “big boob the science guy” and asked him the most insane questions like “if Galvatron is the size of a planet, does he have nipples?” and “is there a cybertronian with toes?” Please, he begs them, stop these nonsensical and ridiculous questions.

The moment they see Skywarp for the first time one of them starts pointing at him while making monkey sounds and the rest just joins in, pointing at him while shouting “oh oh ah ah”. To everyone’s shock Skywarp just points back and does the same thing. He has finally found his brethren, his kin. The decepticons will never know peace again.

[idontblushsrry]

Uhh may I make a request for Ouran High School Host club? Just a headcanon for how the host would react to meeting someone how is a big time animal lover. (Like they pretty much live there life like the Irwin family)

A/N: I was thinking about how I’d write this and my brain just went ‘they lost their shit at the sight of instant coffee’, so uhh I hope this is to your liking. I tried to get as much animal variety as I could even though I didn’t really touch on marine animals that much)

Warnings: Like 2 swear words (pinky promise), slight drug mention(literally so small you might not even notice it), spoilers (minor) for Tamaki’s mom

Word Count: 1292

General

So this is under the assumption that like the Irwin family, Reader (or their family) has access to a wide variety of animals (from domestic to wild)

All of them respect the passion you have for animals

While they all might have various feelings on animals (see below), they can’t deny that you truly do love animals

Your family’s sanctuary focuses on healing injured animals and rehabilitating them so they can go back into the wild

Of course, your family has many sanctuaries around the world and some focus more on conservation while others focus on research

The one closest to the school focuses mainly on conservation and as such, is massive and functions like a zoo ( in terms of having people come in and see the animals)

Anyways, the host club is very supportive and often helps you with organizing donation events

Oftentimes, your family will collaborate with them and allow them to rent out parts of the conservation center for events

Aside from the conservation center though, your family owns a few ranches and farms (not for commercial profit, although yall have sold a few animals)

The farms and ranches are relatively small scale but they make great venues for the host club and a great place for getaways/vacations

Your main house is where you keep most of your favorite animals

You have an aviary attached to your room (connected through a hallway that connects to your room) as well as a butterfly garden in the backyard

You also have an aquarium tank, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 snake, and a hamster that visits on weekends

You had to be stopped at some point

Tamaki

Tamaki loves animals

He was never really around animals growing up because of how sensitive his mom’s immune system is

So when he sees that you’re an animal person, he’s super excited

Like this man is already planning playdates between Antoinette and your pets/animals

You love his enthusiasm, just one small problem

It’s a little too much enthusiasm

Yes the animals are well trained, but how would you react if a 6′0 giant with long arms came barreling towards you screaming showing its teeth?

So yeah, Tamaki tends to set the animals off/ make them nervous

Because of that he’s only allowed around certain animals (ex. certain monkeys, certain birds, etc.)

He’s happy that he’s allowed around some animals but he still pouts every time there’s an animal he can’t be around

Kyoya

This man

Kyoya does not fuck with animals. Like at all

The first time the host club went to your house, you were holding a hamster and Kyoya moved back about 10 feet

When you asked him what was wrong, he just said “Rats are carriers of many of the most deadly diseases”

You told him that you were holding a hamster and that while hamsters were rodents, the worst he’d get sick with would be salmonella

He doesn’t believe you, but yeah sure whatever

For Kyoya it just gets worse after that

The first time he sees you holding a tarantula, he loses his shit

“Look how cute it is Kyoya!”

“Get that vermin away from me!”

I could go on and on about how much Kyoya doesn’t like animals (even domestic ones like cats and dogs)

He hates going to your house, but he often has to go there in order to set up events for the host club, what a nightmare

While he doesn’t care for animals, the business side of his brain can’t help but think of a marketing opportunity

Mori

Is one of two hosts that are going to be chill about it

He doesn’t feel one way or the other about animals and thinks it’s cool that you’re interested in them

Only thing is; if Honey’s afraid of your animals, he will have to ask you to leave he won’t hesitate to step in “harm’s” way

Surprisingly though, that actually makes him the chillest with your animals

Much to your surprise (and Tamaki’s sorrow), the animals love him

He just has this calming vibe that sets the animals at ease

It also helps that he smells nice and is super tall

For most of them it’s like sitting on a giant tree

He’s not really complaining though, it makes his job of protecting Honey that much easier

Honey

Oh boy

He might actually be the worst with animals

It’s not even an issue of being unable to defend against aggressive animals (Honey could probably solo a grizzly bear)

It’s just he has a very strict “cute” animal policy that changes wildly depending on his mood, the temperature, the angle of the wind, the humidity, etc.

He’s very bougie when it comes to what animals he will tolerate and what animals he will refuse to see

The general safe choices are rabbits (especially bunnies), kittens, cows, tits (the bird species), and baby animals of almost every domestic mammal species)

Him and the hamster you see on weekends are best friends

Also, you have had issues with him trying to feed the animals sweets

Explaining to Honey why rabbits can’t have carrot cake was not an easy conversation, nor was it one you thought you’d need to have

Because of how specific he is about what animals he finds cute, you likened him to a crocodile (because of how sensitive they are to temp. changes in egg)

Needless to say...he was not pleased

Hikaru

So him and Kaoru don’t really care for animals but they try to relate to you in somewhat similar but different ways

Hikaru is always trying to get you to do/recreate stunts with the animals

“Hey Y/N, we should-”

“No Hikaru”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say”

“No you cannot use the dolphins for hoop tricks, no you cannot teach the gorillas how to roll blunts, no you cannot “bribe” the koalas with eucalyptus...”

Yeah he’s a menace

It’s mostly all in good fun though

Hikaru doesn’t really care for animals but he does find it hilarious that the animals like him more than Tamaki

Also, completely random but Hikaru definitely send you those “horse-sized duck vs duck sized horses” memes

Kaoru

Kaoru also tries to use animals on the internet to relate to you, but he’s a lot tamer than Kaoru

Kaoru is kind of like the parent who learns one thing you like and is like “that’s your entire personality right?”

Poor bby is trying his best

Anyways, whereas Hikaru tries to recreate memes, Kaoru sends you them

They range in quality and format; from top text, bottom text to “is this a ____”

At least once a day, Kaoru will send you a meme or picture of an animal with a caption that says ‘this reminded me of u :)’

It’s so endearing that you can’t even be mad about it

Haruhi

Is the only other one who’s kind of cool about the whole thing

She’s really only been around animals in the park or the occasional pet store

Growing up, she didn’t really have the time (or money) to go to the zoo, that and the fact that Ranka doesn’t care at all for animals (she thinks they’re weird and gross)

When Tamaki hears this, he works himself up into a frenzy, torn that his “daughter” has never been to a zoo (even tho he hasn’t either)

But she likes the fact that you’re so passionate about animals

At heart, she’s a scholar, so she loves learning new things she didn’t know before, she could spend all day just listening to you talk about animals

Not to mention the fact that you’re basically giving her a free informational tour  every time you see an animal

[vegalocity]

Hug while straddling for @purble-turble's Time Travel Red and MK?

Affection meme

31. Hugging While straddling partner

Eyyyy lmao I'm always down to talk about Red Son: Ultimate Enemy as told by @purble-turble

--

There was no such thing as 'loving mental illness away'.

That was one of the very first things Qi Xiaotian had internalized when he came to the decision to make up with Red Son after his future adventure.

He wasn't exactly the picture of mental health himself, but when Red Son stumbled back into their time period, jacket chopped in half hair shorn close to his head and so obviously choking back tears, He'd instantly known whatever had happened to him had been actual hell. (Of course at first he'd forced himself to not care for how angry he'd been with Red Son after he'd told him about his parents plan and how he'd been a willing pawn in it, but that was beside the point)

So once he'd been properly brought upt to date on the exacts of the nightmare-future, and they'd started the process of looking for a therapist for Red Son, as clearly, he'd needed it, Xiaotian had taken it upon himself to do some research on his own time. it was a little difficult, he didn't want Red to find out about it until he actually had a better sense of what he should be doing, but since Red Son rarely seemed to be able to sleep anymore (even when Xiaotian could get him to lay with him in bed it was clear what little sleep he did get was rife with nightmares) and when he did sleep through the night he would wake up earlier than him, and they lived together... his most constant time for research was usually when he was technically on the clock.

But he'd gotten a couple of books about Post-traumatic stress disorder, general psychology, and 'So you've got a loved one with severe depression' (an actual title) and he'd scribble notes into the margins and on sticky notes when there was time between deliveries. And the first lesson every single one of those books had for him was just that.

You can't 'love someone out of their illness'. That's not a thing. The best you can do is love them through it.

So he did his best with that.

On some days that was just sending texts full of cute animal gifs and heart emojis, on some that was coming up to the loft on break to sit next to the lump of pillows and blankets on the bed and (after finding the telltale hint of short red hair that gave away where his head was) resting a hand on the part of the lump that was most likely an arm, gently rubbing it, and sitting in silence until his break ended.

And on some days it was this.

"It's not safe you're not safe I'm gonna slip up eventually-" Red Son's voice was fragile and warbling as his actions contradicted his words, hands scrabbling up and down his back and sides, gripping periodically for purchase before shrinking back as if afraid just hugging him back would crush him. "I'm gonna do something-"

"You won't." Xiaotian was practically seated in Red Son's lap at this point. Red had been sitting on the floor, back to the edge of the bed when the meltdown had begun, so kneeling on the ground until he was rested on his partners legs did two things:

one, it enabled him to wrap him up as tight as he could in his arms without having to twist one or both of them in an awkward angle.

and two, the extra pressure would probably help ground him, make it a little easier to come down from this one.

"You don't know that" His voice was hoarse, desperate. and Xiaotian closed his eyes and squeezed Red Son tighter.

"I do. I know you, hun." Red Son sobbed into his shoulder and he felt his hands finally decide where to be, resting across either shoulder blades and balling the fabric they found there up into fists.

"I know there's basically nothing that'll make you believe it at this point, but you're a good man, Red Son."

"I'm no-"

"Shhh, my turn to talk now." he shifted a hand to be able to bury it in Red Son's hair. He could feel him ever so minutely relax beneath him at the sensation. "You saw your potential for being a bad person, and don't forget everyone's got it. I have it, Xiaojiao has it, hell Monkey King has recorded evidence for his bad person potential, anyway, you saw yours and you've been working your ass off nonstop to keep it from ever getting the best of you.

"And this shit is fucking hard, hun. You're fighting your own brain and the actual literal future here! and guess what? it might not feel like it right now but you're winning."

Still, he shook his head against Xiaotian's shoulder. he didn't want to interrupt again, but still make his disagreement known.

"You are." He pulled away just enough to be able to properly cup Red Son's wet face in his hands. "You think that Evil King remotely hacked Jin and Yin's stupid battle robot in that illegal mech fighting ring and made it throw the match making them look like idiots in his timeline?" Red's gaze broke from his own as he thought back on the fight that broke out the week previous.

"....I suppose not-"

"You think that Evil King ever thinks for more than a second about the ethics of what evil plans he carries out let alone hours of agonizing over whether something was the right call or not?"

"Certainly not but that's not-"

"It is the point, Red. You're not the same person anymore. Maybe you started from the same roots, but he dug himself back into the ground and you rose up like a fucking tree instead."

Red Son met his gaze again, and Xiaotian could tell he still didn't believe him, but there was a spark there.

The faintest, dimmest hope.

"You are a good man, Red Son." this time he made sure every word was careful deliberate. So there was no misunderstandings that could be made. "And I am not accepting counterarguments at this time so you'd better fucking take it."

When he pulled Red Son against his chest again, and let the demon continue to cry quietly into his shirt, he pressed a small kiss to the crown of his head.

"I love you."

Red Son choked on a sob, and didn't answer.

It wasn't an issue, he knew Red Son loved him. Part of this whole thing being a thing in the first place was because Red Son loved him. Red Son wouldn't be as scared of becoming the Evil King as he was if he didn't love him so he knew better than to take to heart the days where he just couldn't say the words back.

There weren't any cures for mental illnesses. There were ways to mitigate the symptoms, but there are no spells that cure depression, there's no potion of anti-PTSD, and no person can love someone out of their illness.

But heavens above did he wish it some days.

He'd give anything to make it so Red Son wouldn't have to be in so much pain.

But all he could do was just hold him tighter, and stroke the short red tresses between his fingers until the sobbing stopped.

It took less time than usual.

Red was exhausted and pliant by the end of it and let Xiaotian drag him about the loft, obediently (if slowly) eating what was pressed into his hands and then nursing the mug of tea he was given as they settled down on the mound of cushions and he put on that 'how things are made' show that Red Son liked.

He was asleep halfway through the second episode.

Sure, some days were harder than others, and sure, some days he'd wish there was a cure just to spare Red the suffering.

But he felt Red Son's head slowly loll to the side until it rested on his shoulder, breathing slow and even and looking for the first time today like he was at peace and-

He still wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Love You, Hun."

Red Son hummed against him.

--

Send me stuff!

[musubiki]

Queen, you are so big brain, ugh I love your mind.....🥺🥺🥺 Catears and Mochi are otp....

Does Lime ever feel like he might get caught if he shows too much concern or worry for Mochi to where she is just like, "bro??? Who are you and why do you care."

And there is that cute...angry confession scene...ugh sorry for all the asks, I just love your ocs so much and your taste in troupes is what I adore and live for.

waah thank you!!! im super duper happy when people ask about my ocs cuz i can talk about them a lot!! 😭😭

and HE DOES!! sometimes she calls him out on “why do you give a shit? why not just try to kill me like everyone else?” and he has to pause and remind himself oh shit, shes right once again, gotta be more cold. but its HARD FOR HIM!!! CUZ HE LOVES HER SO MUCH AND HES SO CONCERNED ABOUT HER SAFETY ITS DIFFICULT TO JUST TRY TO TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!!

and actually...theres not!! he never willingly tells her. its more like a scene where somehow, someone reveals mochis identity as the cat witch to the WHOLE Underground. and shes up shits creek with a small paddle, surrounded in an unfamiliar realm with hundreds of magical beings ALL TRAINED FIGHTERS who now want her dead, and limes not there (or at least not to her knowledge), and when the big fight starts, cat-ears defends her. at first shes like why?? but what the hell its an extra pair of hands so she doesnt waste time questioning it!! only when the situation gets really dire, that he pulls out the thunderbat to fight and shes like. wait. 

because either 1) he somehow mimicked the thunderbat, stole it from lime, or somehow had an identical weapon, or 2) this IS lime. and the dots just slowly connect in her head regarding how he acted towards her and all the excuses he made not to come with her to the Underground. anyway, lime with the thunderbat is damn near unstoppable (especially with taffy there for the water + electricity duo, which he is), so they make it out of there fine!!! 

but post-fight, lime is yelling at taffy and coco (still disguised as cat-ears), shouting something about doing a better job protecting their witch, and coco shouts back something snarky about how she cant believe he did this blah blah blah, meanwhile mochi is standing there listening in silence. finally taffy clears his throat LOUDLY and kind of nod nods toward mochi, hint hint, shes standing right there. coco does that meme of the monkey doll looking away and backs up. this aint her problem no more, limes on his own. 

so they stand in silence for a bit, and mochi just softly says “...lime?” and hes ALSO quiet for a bit, and through that aforementioned scratchy coarse fucked up voice he has as cat-ears he says “hi moch.”

and then she SLAPS him again sending his helmet spinning, and of course his reaction is “OW HEY WHAT THE FUCK!!” and he rips his helmet off, and for some reason seeing his FACE, confirmed, for real under there, she SLAPS HIM AGAIN!!! its a lot of (i cant believe he LIED TO ME and ACTED SO COLD TO ME and was DOING ALL THIS DANGEROUS STUFF BEHIND MY BACK) and she lowkey had big crocodile tears swelling up, stomps off quietly, and lime goes  after her with the whole “wait WAIT MOCHI I CAN EXPLAIN-”, also yelling back at taffy and coco to clean up the big mess they left behind (and by clean up i mean go take mochis hundreds of memory spell tags and wipe the memories of everyone down there to keep mochis identity hidden)

LONG POST THAT I PROBABLY TALKED A LOT ABOUT BEFORE A FEW TIMES BUT I LIKE THIS SCENE IN PARTICULAR!!!!!!!

[tomorrowusa]

Poland continues to experience the biggest protests inside the country since the collapse of communism in 1989.

The protests were ignited by attempts by the ruling Law and Justice Party (Prawo i Sprawiedliwość or PiS for short) to almost completely ban abortion in Poland. Restrictions are already the most severe in the EU. But newer restrictions backed by a packed supreme court full of PiS judges would almost entirely eliminate it.

PiS psychologically dwells in a nostalgic patriarchal world where the Catholic Church has the final say on everything. It is nationalistic, homophobic, and misogynistic. Its leader is Jarosław Kaczyński who is a self-caricature of an aging and ignorant rightwing ideologue.

Like the US, Poland is almost equally divided ideologically. But while the US has apparently shifted recently in a more modern and rational direction, Poland still has a shrinking voting majority clinging to anti-reform and superstitious beliefs.

Anti-PiS parties tend to be divided while PiS and its allies are able to maintain power with the blessing of the Catholic Church. PiS with its small majority in the Sejm (parliament) is doing the sorts of things Donald Trump would probably be doing if he had gotten a second term.

Here’s a photo of part of one of the numerous protests.

Some of the now iconic cardboard signs:

PRAWA KOBIET = WOMEN'S RIGHTS

JEBAĆ PiS  = Fuck PiS  (often written with asterisks:  ***** *** )

NIE JESTEM INKUBATOREM = I'M NOT AN INCUBATOR

WYPIERDALAĆ = GET THE FUCK OUT

Others are less clear. One seems to say "PiS thinks that in vitro fertilization is like a pizzeria". Another appears to compare PiS with "vile little monkeys". But none are flattering to the ruling party.

openDemocracy has a great article on how young people, especially young women, are now at the forefront of these protests.

“They’re uncompromising”: How the young transformed Poland’s abortion protests

As the sociologist and anthropologist, Dr Magdalena Muszel, said to a local newspaper, Dziennik Bałtycki: “It is a response of protesting young men and women to reality, written in the language of memes, songs, school readings, video games, films, TV series. Memes are for young people a source of information, a commentary on reality, many of these people are not only recipients but also creators of memes, who count on their popularity. That is why there is total freedom of slogans and full, creative freedom on the boxes”.

Some slogans are political, but there’s a lot of humor, too, with signs reading “I wish you’d step on LEGO”, “Handmaid’s Tale is not a tutorial!”, and “It’s so bad, even the introverts are here”.

@vox​

[flyingupward]

Critical Role - Exandria Unlimited Episode 1 - The Nameless Ones Sentence Meme

all sentences taken from episode one of the new critical role series exandria unlimited. feel free to change names, pronouns etc. 

“I don’t know words. Let’s try that again.”

“How about you do not and we move forward with the story?”

“I’m not afraid to kill you in the first five minutes. I will do it.”

“Did you pee on my spear?”

“Why don’t you go wash your spear and yourself?”

“Serious Waiting for Godot vibes here.”

“That light goes directly to your brain and punches you in the brain stem.”

“Let’s let the monkey and the angry man kill each other.”

“Look like a normal person looks for food in a house.”

“What happens in the townhouse stays in the townhouse.”

“I am wildly uncomfortable, but I’m kind of into it and I like the attention.”

“Wow! Are we all from small towns?”

“We’ve got to drink less.”

“Time is a weird soup.”

“We didn’t start on the rails.”

“We’ve been grinding dirt for about an hour.”

“Have you ever seen a handyman slink into the shadows after fixing something?”

“He’s so surprisingly dense.”

“All right, all right. We all have gardening tools here.”

“I don’t know at all what the fuck that means.”

“She did win the literal pissing contest so.. “

“Not used to being seen? You hid in a bush and we all saw you.”

“I was going to say something cool, but I forgot what it was.”

“You can get your leg off the wall now. I’m sufficiently scared of you.”

“I’ve never met a criminal before.”

“Crime is cool.”

“Do you want to do crimes with me?”

“I’ve just met you. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Once.”

“The problem with young kids with money is that they eventually become older folk with money.”

“Crime is really in the eye of the beholder.”

“You’re going to get killed so I’m not super bothered about this anymore.”

“The beginning was Robin Hood. The end was ‘rob these foreign merchants’.”

“You don’t have to be a bad person to do bad things if it’s hurting other bad people.”

“You met me a week ago and we don’t remember six of those seven days.”

“I am not becoming a criminal. I am babysitting.”

“You’re sort of the one that has the morals here.”

“There is no logic or good decision making happening.”

“I know boats.”

“I’m no sailor, but don’t ships usually have a crew?”

“Can you see a boat door anywhere?”

“Come on, whatever gods are watching.”

“There has to be an official term. We just don’t know it.”

“Why are we all idiots?”

“I’m more of a ballet dancer than a football player.”

“I’m fine. It’s just my pride and my meniscus.”

“You could just try to also do the stairs. They still exist.”

“Even he noticed. That’s how bad you did.”

“That’s the nicest thing that’s been wiped on you all day.”

“The font is clearly Comic Sans. This object is truly cursed.”

“I’ve never been so excited about object work in my life.”

“You can keep your bacon. I’m not gonna take that from you.”

“He’s gone full Billie Eilish.”

“Maybe you just need to acknowledge the fact that as of this moment, you’re a criminal now.”

“I just want to remind the group that you are leaving a crime scene.”

“That’s a saying where everyone’s from.”

“Can you burp in that direction?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing down here or what my goal is.”

“I like my organs.”

“I just wanted to be more suspicious!”

“Just Winnie-the-Pooh your way through life.”

“She did almost murder all of you with fire, which honestly, I’ve got to respect.”

“We gotta respect a double murder, let’s go.”

“Who will put my kids through Thieves’ Guild college now?”

“You can’t just talk to people all the time!”

“We’ll get to my horrible landing in a moment.”

“What a bunch of badass idiots.”

“That would be very on brand for you all. I’m trying to give you a cool moment. Please let me give this to you.”

“I’m graceful like a dancer.”

“Not to bring down everyone’s mood here, but if we take this, they’re probably going to kill us.”

“You trusted us, right? We’ve got to trust you too.”

[puppys-rhythm-heaven]

basically rhythm heaven fever

okay i’ve done this with ds and tengoku so now it’s time to do it with fever. enjoy.

hole in one - monkey

screwbot factory - how zoomed in is this if they look so small despite being really fucking huge

see-saw - i don't think this is how seesaws work

double date - i can't decide if i should make a space soccer joke or not tbh

remix 1 - fun fact: all the games in this remix are actually connected, the island the balls are getting swung to in hole in one is where the double date couple is, in the background of double date you can see where see-saw is, and in screwbot factory you can see the island in the background

fork lifter - fork

tambourine - DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH ook DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH happiness noises

board meeting - i don't think this is how board meetings work

monkey watch - "aw this looks cute- oh no" -basically what it's like playing monkey watch the first time

remix 2 - how the fuck do you do the first tambourine part

working dough - uh i got nothing

built to scale - DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH, DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH, DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH duh duh duh duh duh duh

air rally - i don't think this is how badmition works

figure fighter - yeah i got nothing

remix 3 - SHIVERING COLD ON A BIG CITY NIGHT, YEAH THAT'S JUST HOW YOU FOUND ME WAY BACK THEN- AND IN THE SUDDEN BLINK OF AN EYE, I KNEW MY LIFE WAS UP FOR A CHANGE-

ringside - something something memes haha funny

packing pests - i don't think this is how jobs work and if it is then i'm kind of concerned

micro-row - they're just dudes swimming

samurai slice - "okay this seems easy enough- fuck i can't see" -playing samurai slice for the first time probably

remix 4 - low-key one of fever's best remixes

catch of the day - imagine your species just being named based on how you eat bait

flipper-flop - who the fuck is just intensely hitting a pot with a spoon or some shit in the background, i didn't know this was an instrument

exhibition match - DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH, DUHHHHHHH, DUH

flock step - basically just lockstep but birb

remix 5 - "you know it's going to be bad when it starts and there's just fish" -basically something my mom said about remix 5 the other day

launch party - i got nothing

donk-donk - this is a rhythm heaven fever dream

bossa nova - what were they on when they made set 6?

love rap - INTO YOU INTO YOU FO'SHO FO'SHO- wait no that's love rap 2

remix 6 - for an eh set of games the remix is actually really good

tap troupe - okay but w h y are they so tall

shrimp shuffle - ONE TWO THREE, THREE TWO ONE TOGETHER, ONE TWO THREE, A B C (thanks disembodied rhythm heaven voice)

cheer readers - did they get permission to use the books for this? this is the lore i need to know

karate man - BABY I'M A BROKEN MAN, I'M JUST A SHATTERING STORM hit three

remix 7 - why is the tap troupe part so long

night walk - LET'S SPREAD OUR WINGS NOW, DO ANYTHING NOW, SOMEHOW WE CAME THIS FAR- U H SOMETHING SOMETHING, I HEAR YOUR VOICE NOW, SINGING INSIDE MY HEART

samurai slice 2 - live music intensifies

built to scale 2 - they basically lockstep 2′ed built to scale

working dough 2 - (those two might be reversed idk) i have so many questions

double date 2 - okay the space soccer jokes definitely make sense now, space soccer 2's inexplicably cowboy-themed, this is on a farm, it all makes sense now

remix 8 - WHAT CAN I DO, WHAT CAN I DO, THE ONLY ONE FOR ME IS YOU- WHAT CAN I DO, WHAT CAN I DO, WHAT CAN I DO- TELL ME, TELL ME, JUST HOW TO SAY GOODBYE NOW, BYE NOW- air rally intensifies

love rap 2 - INTO YOU INTO YOU FO'SHO FO'SHO CRAZY INTO YOU CRAZY INTO YOU FO'SHO FO'SHO

cheer readers 2 - ah yes, the most holy being of them all: paddler

hole in one 2 - monkey but pink

screwbot factory 2 - fillbots 2 intensifies haha help

remix 9 - U H LIVE A LIFE OF SHINING GLAMOUR- SOMETHING ABOUT FALLING- I ONLY WISH I KNEW oh yeah- SOMEDAY YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF AND REALIZE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL- I JUST WANNA SHINE I WANNA BE LOVED NOW-

figure fighter 2 - why is this in megamix

micro-row 2 - top notch 10/10 this should be in megamix

packing pests 2 - is this remix 10

karate man 2 - karate man 2 ds is still superior

remix 10 - DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHHHH DUH-

[strange-lace]

Incorrect Nagi Quotes

Because it’s 2021 but I still need my serotonin and the best way to characterize OCs are with memes.

Pigsy: Let me see what you have! Nagi: A BAT! Pigsy: NO!

MK & Mei: Nagi, can you do us a small favor? Nagi: I'd kill for you but go on. 

Pigsy: Were you dropped on the head as a child?! Nagi: Bold of you to assume I was held! Pigsy: Nagi: Pigsy: Are you okay?

Tang: Why are you smiling? Nagi: What? Can’t I just smile because I feel like it? MK: Monkey King tripped and fell from a tree.

Nagi, making some tea: Hell yeah, get in that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce. Sandy, disturbed: Do you take constructive criticism? Nagi: I absolutely fucking do not.

Nagi: Look, this doesn't have to be a big deal. Whoever took my apples, come forward and all will be forgiven. Everyone: Nagi: Smart. You knew I would never forgive you. 

Nagi: Met a dumbass today, awful. Sun Wukong, not even looking up: Ah, so you looked in a mirror? Nagi, being held back by Tang and Pigsy: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and the heavens may not be so merciful, monkey man!!

Macaque: I invited you here because I crave the deadliest game... Nagi, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Macaque: I was actually planning to hunt you for sport, but now I'm curious as to what Knife Monopoly is.

Macaque: You played me like a fiddle! Sun Wukong: Oh no, Macaque, fiddles are actually difficult to play. Nagi, disguised as Sun Wukong: We played you like the cheap kazoo you are!

Nagi: If your leg gets cut off... would it hurt? MK: Uh, yeah! Nagi: How though? MK: Cause your leg got cut off! Nagi: But where are you gonna feel the pain though? MK: In your... leg... Nagi: Exactly! How are you gonna feel pain the pain... Nagi and MK, in sync: If your leg is gone! Sun Wukong: I swear I can’t leave you two alone for 10 minutes.

[harrowdubois]

okay, i said if there was interest i would think about making a post listing all the references i squeezed into the locked tomb fic i spent the last month or so writing, and now i’ve realised i don’t care if there’s interest because i want to be self-indulgent SO

under the cut is a (somewhat spoilery) chronological list of all the memes, vines, and cribbed tumblr posts, as well as homages to various books, tv shows, song lyrics, etc. that made their way into blessed with a wilder mind! 

(cw for suicide mention)

this is of course a reference to the legendary bodybuilding forum thread where they did, actually, argue over how many days there are in a week (cw for ableist slurs in the thread)

---

buzzfeed unsolved meme. i am dirt and i love to eat dirt

---

this is so well-known it’s almost not worth listing it but oh my god they were roommates

---

in itself, this isn’t a reference to anything in particular, but if you didn’t do this on your first read then i’d recommend taking another look at this scene and thinking about the specific wuthering heights/frankenstein/rebecca excerpts discussed by harrow and mercymorn but in relation to canon!harrow’s trauma/relationship with the body in htn :~) 

---

also not really a reference to anything in particular but when i looked back over the fic for this post it struck me that the ‘sex panther’ phrasing was probably at least partially unconsciously inspired by the shoebox project (professor mcgonagall’s oiled man panther was a formative moment for me, truly)

---

cw gross/unsanitary: it’s the tinder poop window incident. i mentioned this in the end notes of the fic as being what i had in mind for that scene but if it’s too gross for you (UNDERSTANDABLY) then feel free to Death Of The Author me to your heart’s content!

---

i listened to a lot of orville peck while writing this

---

 very very very loosely inspired by this clickhole article

---

respectively: fourth of july by sufjan stevens / wuthering heights by emily bronte

---

TWO BROS, CHILLIN IN A HOT TUB, FIVE FEET APART BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT GAY

---

there was absolutely no need to stretch this across three paragraphs, and yet

---

iconic

---

i already linked to this one in the end notes of the fic itself, but it’s good, so here it is again

---

 i can’t find the actual original post but it’s this fucking horrible thing 

---

the last line is a reference to the secret history by donna tartt:

“Could it be because it reminds us that we are alive, of our mortality, of our individual souls- which, after all, we are too afraid to surrender but yet make us feel more miserable than any other thing? But isn't it also pain that often makes us most aware of self? It is a terrible thing to learn as a child that one is a being separate from the world, that no one and no thing hurts along with one's burned tongues and skinned knees, that one's aches and pains are all one’s own. Even more terrible, as we grow old, to learn that no person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us. Our own selves make us most unhappy, and that's why we're so anxious to lose them, don't you think?”

---

a lyrical double whammy!

from ‘last words of a shooting star’ by mitski: “they’ll never know how i’d stared at the dark in that room with no thoughts like a blood-sniffing shark”

from ‘a better son/daughter’ by rilo kiley: “sometimes in the morning i am petrified but can’t move/awake but cannot open my eyes” 

---

*

shout-out to maybe my single favourite video game moment, the encounter with the sky cat in night in the woods: “There is a hole at the center of everything, and it is always growing. Between the stars I am seeing it. It is coming, and you are not escaping, and the universe is forgetting you, and the universe is being forgotten, and there is nothing to remember it, not even the things beyond. And now there is only the hole... You are atoms, and your atoms are not caring if you are existing. Your atoms are monstrous existence.”

---

“Nothing is ever fulfilled, not until the very end.” - rust cohle, true detective s1, this reference is VERY tonally dissonant because in context it’s actually grim as all hell but w/e w/e i couldn’t resist the shout-out

also harrow quotes from the goldfinch again here! i had the reference included before i read this post and realised tamsyn muir also quotes from the secret history in htn. terrible synergy 

---

they are in fact all real. you’re welcome

---

this one’s doing a lot of work lmao. it’s paying homage to this quote by tamsyn muir talking about the draco-in-leather-pants trope in relation to ianthe by loosely referencing drop dead gorgeous, the best drarry fic ever written, in which harry is part veela

---

“It's a very Greek idea, and a very profound one. Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown I back, throat to the stars, "more like deer than human being." To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn.” - that’s right it’s another reference to the secret history, with a little bit of mary oliver (tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?) sprinkled on top for flavour

--- 

a small one, but it’s the goldfinch again: “And I feel I have something very urgent and serious to say to you, my non-existent reader, and I feel I should say it as urgently as if I were standing in the room with you...”

---

my FUCKING cinnamon apple

 what if i... put my minecraft bed.... next to yours... aha ha just kidding.... unless?

---

[cw: suicide discussion in these next two]

*

robyn can have little a rust cohle quote, as a treat.

1. “I'd consider myself a realist, all right? But in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist... I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law... We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, that accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody... I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction; one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.”

2. “This... This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean when I'm talkin' about time, and death, and futility. All right, there are broader ideas at work, mainly what is owed between us as a society for our mutual illusions. Fourteen straight hours of staring at DBs, these are the things you think of. You ever done that? You look in their eyes, even in a picture, doesn't matter if they're dead or alive, you can still read 'em. You know what you see? They welcomed it... Not at first, but... right there in the last instant. It's an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just... let go. Yeah, they saw, in that last nanosecond, they saw... what they were. You, yourself, this whole big drama, it was never more than a jerry-rig of presumption and dumb will, and you could just let go. To finally know that you didn't have to hold on so tight. To realize that all your life - you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain - it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.”

---

ahaaa this one’s particularly rough. evil monkey no one alive dot jpg

“Later, that dozy embrace solidified in his memory as the single moment of artless, charmed happiness in their separate and difficult lives. Nothing marred it, even the knowledge that Ennis would not then embrace him face to face because he did not want to see or feel that it was Jack he held. And maybe, he thought, they’d never got much farther than that. Let be, let be.” - annie proulx, brokeback mountain

---

a TRIPLE lyrical whammy!

- harrow’s words to gideon in the dream are a bit of a vague reference to the song ‘adventures in solitude’ by the new pornographers (”we thought we lost you/welcome back”) - gideon’s words to harrow are a reference to the song ‘blush’ by wolf alice (”you’ve got two hands to take all you can/but don’t take too long”) - what harrow texts to gideon is a line from ‘about today’ by the national, aka the most devastating song ever written (”hey, are you awake?/yeah i’m right here”...)

---

i CANNOT find a clip of it but harrow’s repetition of “life is short... it’s short” was me paraphrasing from memory a line from pride (2014), because i am the worst

---

spooky scary skeletons! 

“jail for gideon” is obviously a reference to the “jail for mother” tweet that tm also referenced in htn. so, not original in the slightest, but it’s a great tweet

---

one of my favourite tumblr posts

---

because naberius tern absolutely would watch rick and morty. he would. i know it in my heart. 

---

and that’s it, i think. hope you enjoyed this horrid little post and my horrid little fic!